#so maybe the week(end) before??
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Snapshots of simpler times..
#hellooo been a while.. again#i was overwhelmed by finals but now I've been over two weeks off of school so you get a treat!!#i was feeling nostalgic and wanted to draw uniforms and this came to be#it's supposed to look like candid photos if it doesn't that's the fault of your lacking imagination /s#anyway i tried to improve on different things with each one so they're not really consistent but i tried my best#ignore how inconsistent my artstyle is you just gotta get used to it#the picture with sleepy tubbo is titled whittle boy in my heart <3#the first two are kinda related. tommy shot up the mess hall and had the month's cleaning duty cus of it#anyway i ramble too much here. it's good to be back tho! maybe I'll draw something else before the end of the year lmao#my art#dsmp fanart#cwilbur#ctommy#ctubbo#cniki#cfundy#lmanberg#fennec.art
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Happy Fathers Day, I'm finally on time for something!!! I don't have that much flavor this time though folks. just sweetness. that's it. hope that's cool, never too bad.
if you think this is anything but platonic then no, plz. away
#maybe no one gets this but thankfully I like looking at it so that should be enough#sorry if I'm just lathering your eyes in fluff and you weren't prepared#anyway i have some work + projects to wrap up before the end of the month + a whole outfit i had to make in a week#so unfortunately i haven't been able to pop out all of my fanart WIPs now like I had hoped#(and ill lose my photoshop account soon so I really gotta finish those)#soon. soon#fingers crossed#craziness my dudes. life is big#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#sebastian michaelis#ciel phantomhive#o!ciel#dadbastian#digital art#happy fathers day#fathers day#dont mind demon dude he's just trying out some new things.....
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couldnt think of a cute or clever caption honestly so just have lime in his natural habitat
#the cat witchs guild#the misc adventures of mochi and lime#tcwg#tmaomal#lime#mochi#limochi#art#ocs#original#just lime being a thigh guy again#dont mind him. just...enjoying the view...#regular happenings in the cats household#i had this in my wips for a long long time and i didnt have any art ideas tonight so i just cleaned it up#anytime mochi does anything that involves her having her back to him#im always less motivated to art after doing a really good piece because im not ready to move on from it yet#that being said im glad i was able to get at least a little bit of drawing motivation before summer ends#this week is our last week of summer :')#hm....maybe ill end summer by redrawing that one summer piece..
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HAPPY NEWONDERHOY YEAR 🍡
#its still jan 1st somewhere . right#HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW YURI#project sekai#pjsk#an shiraishi#prsk#tsukasa tenma#proseka#Hatsune amiky acolorful Stage[FOGHORN]#inknow i csnt write kanji OK stroke order has me fucked up#redraw of last years to thank them both for arriving with 30k gems to spare vut i [cough] i [wheeze]#i kind of think last years was. more slayful...[throws a smokebomb and when it clears im laying unconscious on the ground]#OK last year i remember literally drawing that for like 13 hours snd the anstomy isnt goo so whatevvrr#my life is so jover january 10th btw EMU. {EMU. EMU. EMU#WAAAAH#college starts that week but heh.. luckily my class ends before the event. here we go again#and then nenesnlim and the ruis lim and then (redacted) right after and then peace. and then CORALINTHHEBIX AND WEDDIGN EMU ANDPANDMONIUM A#and i have miku expo and a convention in may.. ehhhahe#im finish um one cosplay hopefilyl for cny but thenother ummm stipid fuckifng tdukasa maybe ill finish it for showtime event mahbe not#i hate her. to the shredder#EMU. oooh emu. Ok sorry goodnight
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Day 2: Timeloop / Xiao Qi and Jiu Ge
I am cringe and I am not even free
Feel free to reuse this idea but 24 hours are not enough for me to finish an entire comic. I could have taken the simpler prompt but nOOOOOO timeloop is too tempting. Past me why are we like this
#svsss#shen jiu#yue qingyuan#qijiu#qijiuweek2024#the basic idea for this was that both yqy and sj remember each loop#the loop started after their individual deaths in PIDW and resets them to close to disciple era#aka the time Yue Qi was in the caves and SJ presumably got away from the Qiu household or was already with Wu Yanzi#I imagine the first few loops they qi deviated so hard from the shock that they didnt even make it like 1 hour in the loop before beingrese#and then had a few loops just fucking around and finding out#eventually they realise that the other has the memories of all loops and so begins the talks and figuring how tf they can get out of this#maybe they resolve their issues with the promise or not your choice tbh#they try different plans and methods#but they keep dying (read: SJ keeps dying first and YQY either dies or sewerslides not soon after) and getting reset with no end in sight#until the last pages where the svsss timeline begins#SJ got replaced with SY and the system isn't letting YQY join him in death or smth nor letting him do anything about SY being there instead#And due to their closeness from being immensily tired from all the loops#YQY notices it immediately but can't do anything about it#the bonus for SY is that this timeline was very kind to LBH & co - 79 figured by now that keeping him in the sect and happy was their best#bet at staying alive - or well at least for longer#I'll continue this storyline in one of the future prompts of this qijiu week#btw the one with the cliff is just the whoopsie daisy timeline where SJ accidentally falls into the Abyss trying to keep LBH from falling i#79 had a bit of a good laugh about that one#cw death#cw violence#cw blood#cw angst
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guys i love them i promise i just have the urge to put them through the grinder sometimes
umm on the bright side here's the alternate good ending version lol!!!!!
#haiii ^_^#i didnt know whether to make a seperate post for the good ending one but it wouldve been weird so im just adding it onto here lol#op#one piece#sanji#usopp#god usopp#black leg sanji#vinsmoke sanji#sanuso#usosan#tw blood#tw injury#angst#comic#my art#mintart#ok originally i was gonna use every color but red for the first two pages and only make the butterfly red then make the last page red too#cuz yaaayyy symbolism whatever cringe and then i scrapped it cuz i love working with pink and i was nawt about to figure out#a whole new colour palette during finals week. also i have 5 minutes before class so im speed typing this LOL#anygays thanks lars for the usopp dies brainrot i HATE YOU#he's partly responsible for this actually#i hate how the colours of the last page turned out uurgghghhh im not fixing it tho bye#i like the rest of it tho >_<#i love writing dialogue but silent comics r pretty fun too#ive been doing a couple of those lately and theyve been helping me with gesture and expression practice#lol i love drawing sanji pathetic and in love#i love drawing usopp in general he's my favorite to draw ever im so glad he exists#JUST NOTICED THE LESBIAN COLOUR PALETTE UHHH NOT INTENTIONAL or maybe it could be yuri who knows. they r so very gender#i will draw sanuso yuri soon tho TRUST!!!!!!!!!
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pretty risky plan, but yeah ..
panel redraw/ode to the hero killer arc 💙 no shade version + the ref pic that saved me ->
#turn brightness up for best viewing!! didn't realize how dark it looked on a phone and tbh im not going back to change it lol#not Technically part of tododeku week posting- but kinda fits vigilante ??? maybe??? idk ..#izuku midoriya#shoto todoroki#shouto todoroki#tododeku#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha fanart#mha fanart#bnha#mha#lets goooo backk -back to the beginnnningg#the things this arc did for the tododekuiida community... legendary#also sorry for not drawing iida /// i tried and it just didn't look right... but i may end up doing a redraw of that ref image so..#got this done Right before everypanelofizuku got to The Panel -which was my goal for silly reasons- so Love that for me#i had a lot of fun with their costumes actually lol -i have a bg in fashion illustration so i enjoy that shit -tho the belts were annoying#and i know i got the lines on deks suit wrong but its......... fine#olly art
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aged lesbians
#if u remember the very short lived legacy posts with these guys then u get a gold star!!#their daughter was one of my fav sims.. it's very rare for me to get so attached to a gameplay#maybe i should try to recreate her#also two posts in one day WHO am i feeling like#spoiling all of u before lesbian visibility week ends and i vanish#ts4#ts4 cas#ts4 edit#ts4 portrait#the sims 4#*elena#*annalise
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Something I Can Turn To
And now for something different again! I took the AU in 'Domestic AU' and I ran with it! So this is your classic sort of everyone's alive alternate universe, set some nebulous time in the current-ish era, wherein Charles and Edwin attended school together and both survived (slash saved each other from) their canon deaths. It's just a sweet and slightly sad little thing that doesn't go into a huge amount of detail, but I got very attached to it so who knows, maybe in future I'll expand on the backstory! Warnings for references to their pasts and the bullying, child abuse etc. that went on there, as well as to injuries, scars and trauma that resulted from it. But we're not getting into super nitty-gritty detail and hopefully the overall vibe is one of love and safety! Still, tread carefully if those topics are at all triggering for you 💛 2.3k, T-rated, also available on Ao3. Thanks again, @painlandweek!
"Charles!" Edwin called — bravely poking his face out from the warm duvet to be heard. "The advertisements are over!"
"Coming, coming!"
Charles scurried into the room moments later, two cups of tea in his hands. He huffed and puffed as he padded along the floorboards in hole-riddled socks. "Cold, cold, cold," he muttered, thrusting the cups towards Edwin in a sloshy, mildly dangerous manner. "Grab these a sec!"
Edwin did so, wincing as his arms breached the bounds of the duvet nest to the frigid air beyond. Once Charles had his hands free he wasted no time diving into bed, burrowing into the pocket of warmth.
"Mate, it's fucking cold," he said, reclaiming his mug. "Freezing my bollocks off out there."
"Perhaps we should have prioritised buying that space heater, after all," Edwin mused.
"Oi. 'Nuff of that. That kettle's a bloody essential bit of kit."
Edwin sipped his tea. Scalding hot, just as he liked it. "Hmm. Agreed."
Charles squirmed around getting comfortable, taking care not to spill his tea. He almost succeeded. "Ow. So! What'd I miss?"
"Nothing whatsoever — you made it back just in time." Edwin settled in as well, against the headboard — though by headboard, he of course meant the bare magnolia wall. "I must say, I'm intrigued by this one. I wonder how Detective Columbo's going to get this villain dead to rights."
"Always fakes you out, don't he?" Charles grinned, finally finding his space — pressed up against Edwin, hip to shoulder. "Mm — pass us the biccies."
Edwin handed him the somewhat depleted packet of ginger snaps. "Do be careful of the crumbs — we've only one fitted sheet to our name."
One sheet, one duvet. Two pillows. No bed frame. It was a modest sleeping arrangement. Particularly for two grown men, squeezed onto a mattress that was only a double by the barest technicality. But on these cold winter nights, that closeness had its benefits. Several benefits, in fact.
As though reading his mind, Charles grinned. "What?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Never messed about on a bed of biscuit crumbs?"
Edwin groaned and, lightly, pressed his palm to Charles' face and pushed it away. "You're revolting," he said.
Charles just laughed. "What? It's just like sex on the beach, really." He bit down on a biscuit. Loudly. "Bit crunchier."
"You will never persuade me that sex on a beach is a good idea," said Edwin, with a shudder. "The sand..."
"Sex in the sea, then?"
"Best of luck with your urinary tract infection."
Charles’ laughter rolled pleasantly in Edwin's ears as he nestled in properly, head on Edwin's shoulder.
Edwin chuckled in turn, draping his arm around Charles, fingers sinking into his hair. He played absently with Charles' unruly curls, as Columbo talked circles around his latest hapless ne're-do-well.
It was a strange little life they'd carved out for themselves, here in this sparsely-furnished nest. They had Edwin's scholarship to thank, and the student housing fund he'd received alongside. Though Charles helped as best he could with his meagre earnings from his part-time job at the local gym, they barely scraped by. Charles might've also been able to apply for student loans, once upon a time. But he'd never managed to bounce back after the sharp decline of his grades in year eleven. And what else could anyone have expected? It had taken all of his considerable strength to get back on his feet after what happened to him. Every ounce of his tenacity to return to his life after the incident that had almost ended it.
Edwin would not soon forget those hideous, harrowing weeks. Counting days of silence, of filling the Rowland family's voicemail to no acknowledgement. Of pitying expressions from hospital staff as they turned him away, time after time. Stewing and seething in the fear and the worry. In the rage of being told that he had less of a right to visit his best friend than the man who'd covered his back in belt scars did. Edwin didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he worried himself away night by night, and the boys who did the damage? Oh, they were suspended. For less time than it took for Charles to return to form. Back to school with a slap on the wrist. Any notions Edwin might've still held about there being justice in the world had been quite thoroughly quashed by that ruling.
It was a miracle Charles even found the strength to attend school for his last two years — let alone the same school. The one where he had, to reiterate, nearly lost his life to hypothermia and internal injuries at the hands of his hooligan 'friends'. Edwin had scarcely believed his eyes when he'd spied Charles across assembly that Tuesday morning. A month with no word and suddenly there he was, beaten and battered and more beautiful than Edwin's heart could take.
His parents — or at least his mother — had wished to transfer him, of course. But Charles, in true Charles fashion, dug in his heels and refused to be moved. Edwin had cornered him that very morning, on the stairs after assembly. He must have been angry — because he shouted at Charles when all he truly wanted to do was collapse into his arms.
"I cannot believe you would stay here in this barbaric horror show after what those boys did to you," Edwin had snapped, eyes stinging with the threat of tears to fall. "That is so fucking stupid it's unbelievable!"
"Sorry," Charles had replied — not sounding sorry in the slightest. His stitched-up split lip curled with his weary smile. "No version of this where I don't stick this out with you, is there?"
And that, as far as Charles had been concerned, was the matter closed.
The simple fact was that Edwin had never had a choice in which school he would attend. St. Hilarion's was in the family tradition; his father, grandfather, great grandfather, all honoured alumni. And if Edwin's own incident a year earlier hadn't been enough to convince his father otherwise, then nothing else would. The only way Edwin was leaving that school before graduation was in a body bag. And Charles, the stubborn fool, could only be convinced to leave Edwin in the same manner.
And so for the last two years of hell they had tried, in their own ways, to keep their heads down. 'Tried' being the operative word. Charles could never leave well enough alone, and fights were amassed. But every time he showed up to their hideout in the attic with a black eye or bloody knuckles, it was always the same story. One where he saw someone else being bullied, and threw himself at the situation as a substitute punching bag. Sometimes, the person he was protecting was Edwin. More often than not, it was some boy he'd never exchanged two words with. Made no odds to him.
And no matter how it terrified Edwin, or how he admonished Charles, he could never truly take issue. To resent Charles for being protective would be to resent him for being tragically, quintessentially Charles. In the end there was nothing he could do but patch Charles together with his pilfered first aid kit, and plead with him to be more careful. Maybe, just maybe, it would sink into his thick skull one day.
While Charles spiralled, Edwin studied. And studied, and studied, and studied. During slow lessons, after hours in the library, in the dead of night under the covers — he preferred to catch his sleep in daytime naps, anyway. For obvious reasons, sleeping in the dorm around the other boys had lost its appeal. There were days where he was so exhausted he could do nothing in his lunchtime trysts with Charles but sleep. At times it seemed there was no safe place in the world besides that dusty attic, with Charles' thigh as his pillow.
It was worth it, the sleepless nights, the borderline mania of his studies. With his stellar grades at sixth form, Edwin secured a scholarship on the other side of the country — fully paid. Meaning freedom, at last, from the golden shackles of his father's money. He'd packed everything he could carry into a backpack and his grandfather's old leather travel case. And with the first money he'd ever had to his name and no one else's, he made his first purchase: two train tickets. One way.
It wasn't an entirely seamless escape, of course. When he'd walked to the Rowland house to collect Charles, he'd found him scrambling through the narrow window of his basement bedroom. Nothing on him but the clothes on his back, and a fresh bruise across his jaw. But escape they had — and Charles had slept the entire way to Edinburgh, head on Edwin's shoulder. Safe and sound, at last.
It had felt good to be able to rescue Charles, for a change. He'd been playing the hero for others long enough.
Edwin scratched lightly at Charles' scalp as the Columbo credits rolled. He smiled when Charles snuffled and nuzzled into the sensation in the manner of a contented old dog.
"What's on next?" asked Charles, drowsy.
"I believe there's an episode of QI on the next channel." Edwin enjoyed that programme — some of the humour was a bit crass for his tastes, but he almost always learned something interesting.
"Tenner says Alan comes last place."
Edwin rolled his eyes. "Easy money. And I haven't got a tenner."
"Fiver?"
"No."
"One-er?"
Edwin laughed. "I shall wager you... a kiss."
Charles perked up. "I'll take that action!"
"I hope you never take up a gambling habit, Charles," said Edwin, fondly. "Why on Earth would you place bets for something you can have at any time, in abundance?"
"Yeah, but it's not just a kiss, is it? It's a victory kiss. I get to be all smug and that."
"Charming."
"Oh, I'm a charmer." Charles smiled up at him crookedly, eyes hooded. "All the fit lads love me."
Affection bubbled in Edwin's chest as he looked down upon him. It was a flagrant hollow boast — Edwin knew better than anyone how dire Charles' opinion of himself could be. A situation that had only worsened in recent years, as the beatings from home and school grew more frequent and harder to hide under shirts. The scar on his lip had never fully healed. Nor had the proud sweep of his nose recovered from the time it was broken and poorly reset. He was a war-torn thing, and a bit of a hodgepodge. Elegant frame under rugged wounds, topped off with subtly effete highlights of gold earring and smudged eyeliner. Eyes older than his years, and a newly gap-toothed grin that could still light up the room. He was a strange young man, a walking contradiction; and Edwin loved him dearly, fiercely, and oh-so-terribly.
Edwin leaned down, dropping a sweet kiss between Charles' eyes — just above his broken nose. "I should think so. You're very easy to love."
Charles blinked up at him, a flash of vulnerability in his dark eyes. Edwin gathered him close under his arm before he could do something silly like second guess his affection, or shy away.
"Now shush," said Edwin primly, cupping his warm tea to his chest. It was an awful mug, scrounged from a charity shop with a chip in the rim. It declared the holder a certified 'Tired Old Queen', and it was always Edwin's mug without question. "Mister Fry is about to tell us the theme of the week."
And for a little while, that was that. Edwin followed the programme, rapt, humming in interest at new information — and rolling his eyes at the obvious blunders of the panel. Charles did not speak for some time, still warm against Edwin's side. Sometimes, upon being paid a compliment, he needed to sit a while and let it absorb.
It was the ad break, and Edwin was considering braving the arctic chill of the unheated flat for another tea, when Charles spoke again.
"Edwin?"
"Hm?"
Charles wrapped the arm clutching his — now empty — chequered mug around Edwin's waist. "When the Beeb come and drag me away for not paying the telly licence, will you visit me in prison?"
It was so out-of-pocket that Edwin couldn't help but laugh. "Well. Technically, I will be the one going to prison," he said. "It is my name on the apartment lease."
"Would you want me to visit you in prison, then?"
Edwin flicked Charles' earring, playful. "Obviously, Charles."
He could feel Charles' grin against his shoulder. "Brills. You tell me the layout, and I'll bust you out."
"That is not what I agreed to."
"I'll chat to that new girl at the gym, Crystal? Bet she'd help with a prison break. Reckon she's got a wild side."
"Charles," he said, flatly. "I'll not have you imprisoned with me when your madcap scheme goes awry."
"Why not?" said Charles, giving Edwin a warm squeeze. "That's the whole point of doing it."
Edwin scoffed — but his heart was beating ten to the dozen. "Charles —"
"Nope. Sorry." Charles took Edwin's empty mug from his hand — and leaned up to plant a loud, obnoxious kiss on his cheek. "Looks like you're stuck with me. Prison's not getting you out of this relationship, mate."
He made as if to leave the duvet igloo — and immediately hissed at the cold. "Although this bloody apartment might — fucking hell. Going outside; I may be some time."
Edwin rolled his eyes. "Oh, for goodness' sake." He inched over to the edge of the bed and gathered the duvet about both their shoulders like a cape, tucking his arm neatly around Charles' waist. "There. If we make haste, we can be back before the general ignorance round." He met Charles’ eyes, stoic. “No man left behind.”
Charles’ smile was a soft and doting thing; somehow it warmed Edwin deeper than any space heater ever could. He wrapped his arm around Edwin's shoulder. Their feet dangled side by side, toes flexed to avoid premature contact with the chilly floor. "Together on three, then?”
Edwin smiled back, and nodded. "One."
Charles bumped their heels together in companionship. "Two..."
Edwin returned the gesture, in commiseration for the unpleasantness to come. A cold and bitter expedition to the kettle lay ahead; but as in all things, they’d tough it out together.
"Three!"
~~
Thanks for reading, this one's very dear to my heart - would love to know what you think 💛 Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the lovely comments you guys have been leaving on my fics - I have SO many to catch up on but I promise I'm gonna reply to them! I love talking to you and really appreciate you talking to me 💛💛💛 Not sure right now whether there'll be a fic for tomorrow (canon divergence/case fic) or the day after (free day). I have nothing written, none of my ideas are really sticking, and I'm still feeling kind of ill. I might end up just posting some ink sketches instead! But whether there's fics tomorrow/Saturday or not, there will defo be a fic Sunday 💛 Thanks so much, my lovelies - I'll be seeing you soon 💛💛💛
#painlandweek#painland week#payneland#dead boy detectives#dbda#my fanfic#might be posting this one like an hour before it's technically day 4 timezone wise#but my hands are hurting and i have people coming over soon so i kind just need to put the laptop away for a bit!#thank you for all the love this week guys seriously 💛#maybe if i end up not writing tomorrow/sat i'll actually have some time to catch up on the stuff you guys have been writing!#need to start giving some of the love back!
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@brifdi-daily week 12! kept things pretty simple this week lol
#moonsideart#2024#itft#clock#inanimate insanity#bfdi#object kerfuffle#obsolete battle show#animatic battle#ppt2#this is the first week to not contain any girls which i mean. i guess theres also only two guys. so i guess thats not that big of a deal#grumbles#um#girl week 2 for week 14 maybe#already started week 13 cant do it this week#but ratio is currently 39/32 and ive said before ill do it if the difference is greater than 7 again by the end of a week
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#yeahh this is a “it's a new week!!” meme posted at a few minutes before midnight on a thursday#go ahead & queue this up for sunday#or monday. whatever day you consider the beginning of the week#fuck it!! maybe thursday is the beginning of the week. a week having a beginning & end is just a concept. so is a week.#time is so silly anyway#pacific rim#pacrim#newt geiszler#newton geiszler#shitpost#meme
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ok Catholics and Catholic adjacent girlies, I have a conundrum
if I ask my husband how many kids he wants, and he responds with “idk as many as God wants us to have” every single time, do I have the right to be annoyed about it or am I not submitting properly to the will of God
#personal#this has been an argument over the past couple of days#before we got married I accepted his answer for some reason#idk maybe I was hoping it’d become more concrete#or maybe I admired his dedication to the will of God#but now that we’ve had one child and pregnancy was disasterous for me#and previous pregnancies that ended in miscarriage made me awfully unwell#I have been asking him to clarify how many he wants#and he buckles down on this response#and I have yelled at him out of frustration so often in this past week alone#because I can’t handle that as the only response
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TAG LEAKS AS LEAKS AND ONCE THE CHAPTER OFFICIALLY DROPS TAG IT AS SPOILERS THERE IS A DISTINCT DIFFERENCE AND ITS NOT THAT HARD
#i mean most people arent even spoiler tagging when they should#why why why#why ruin it for other people who end uo being kate to the party anyway because theyd rather read it as the author paces and plans it#instead of having the biggest moments in the last page just shived into your face#SPOILER DODGING FOR 4 PF 7 DAYS A WEEK IS NOT FUN I LIKE INTERACTING WITH FANDOMS IM IN???#and yeah your one off out of context comments arent out of context for peopel following the story#like cmon guys its just basic etiquette#put this on my insta story and immediately had something spoiled because#just because#man#jjk spoilers <- monday after the chapter releases#jjk leaks <- anything before that#jjk#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#putting these tags so maybe people see and use it#no nickel for niinnyu's thoughts
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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today on random languages my brain is going 👀 at is biblical hebrew and biblical greek
#the following tags will have discussions of my faith and christianity in general so if you're not interested in that then stop reading ig#some lore: in my early teens i did consider doing a theology degree at uni and becoming an ordained minister/taking a role in the church#this was before i found out a) in my denomination only men can be ministers (deaconesses exist but yeah) and b) the church as an institutio#is pretty yikes#and then finding out i'm queer and nonbinary threw other spanners in there but despite it all my faith is still so so important to me#i want to start learning about christian/comparative theology more broadly to understand both my own faith and others' better#idk why but today i randomly ended up on the webpage for the theological college in NI and was just looking through the courses they offer#maybe someday in the distant future i'll have the money and time to burn to do an online postgrad degree with them#but yeah they have a postgrad certificate in biblical greek 👀 which looked v cool#the internet is a wonderful place and i found a pretty comprehensive looking biblical hebrew course on youtube and i'd probs be able to fin#biblical greek somewhere if i looked hard enough#greek and hebrew are both such linguistically interesting languages and being able to read some would also help in my theological adventure#so new side quest just dropped ig? at least it's my reading week this week so I can dabble in them with no consequences#i've also been wanting to try and learn a language via an immersion focus - obvs can't do full immersion with biblical greek and hebrew but#yeah using a less grammar and vocab focused approach than i'm used to#i have access to digital bibles so i could just choose a v literal english translation and then try and parse what's happening?#yeah we'll see#langblr#ellis exclaims
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Happy to report that spin🚲 class [and the subsequent leg day 🦵🏽😤] did in fact break several sweats (ft mooooon)
#ore no kao#was actually nice that i got to do 5-6 Deadlift reps (for 2-3 sets iirc) at 235lb not having done so before#[unless i did with my trainer maybe--was a good case of 'c'mon you can do itttt']#and also getting to bump into my one crush i havent seen in weeks (due to 'rona it turns out) and getting his IG may have helped 😌#even as i was on my way running a bit late to spin class it felt nice talking to him and again felt like we could talk longer lol#hopefully that's encouraging#[also why did this one dude in front of me for half the (delayed-uptown) subway ride home have the worst B.O. 😑]#[it is annoying getting back home later thanks to delays since i end up getting maybe 30 mins before i have to reasonably go to sleep 😩😴]
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