#so maybe i do have migraines
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Head still hurts its been 2 days.... wtf
#so maybe i do have migraines#haven't had brain fog and pain like this since ldn started working#need to call neurology to notify them but id rather kill myself after the calls i had today#which made me worse lol cant handle emotions in this state#wish me a very able to sit up in bed for more than 2 hours tomorrow#i want you all to enjoy something mundane tomorrow like a slice of hedonism just for me#on my behalf you could say#my slice of hedonism was to be able to do one fridge excursion and get some cheesecake
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metal sonic take 2
#this time i don’t have a migraine so i was actually seeing what colours i was using and i actually used reference#maybe i’ll clean this up later but i’m sleepy now#y’know what? metal sonic is kinda fun to draw when i stop getting in my own head abt ‘not knowing how to draw robots’#been putting it off for a while#maybe i’ll even draw omega sometime soon#my art#metal#metal sonic#sth#mmmmm okay i lied i think i still do have a migraine the ibuprofen is wearing off now
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CHAPTER 17!!!!! HAPPY TFS TUESDAY!!!!!!!!
#ew its early#like one in the morning early#sorry i didnt do this earlier i had the worst migraine and i had to sit face down for two hours without moving or i would die#BUT!! THIS IS IMPORTANT#to me#its important to me#i started doing this because it helped me absorb what i was reading better#i have a really bad habit of accidentally skipping all over the page when im reading#OH ITS VALENTINES DAY NOW#happy valentines day!!#or happy same as normal day if you dont do anything for valentines day#ik i dont actually do anything#today is the same as normal#oh also#i found the reigen spinoff#i will be so obnoxious about it for the next few weeks or years or forever#maybe i should call it the Tome spinoff#because it is#it is the Tome spinoff#i dont CARE that Reigen's name is in the title#i dont CARE that hes on the cover#this is about TOME
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Local parent visits child and comments on the shyness of one of the cats in the household, child decides not to mention that said cat has literally never met a human she didn't try to climb like a cat tree while headbutting them for attention, more at 11
#gee mom i wonder why lup wouldn't like you#would it happen to have anything to do with your approaches to cat training and child rearing which involved a lot of screaming?#maybe she smells it on you that if she tried to meow at you#you might try to 'train' her out of it by yowling in her face like you did to all of YOUR cats#maybe she just smells it on you that you slapped the shit out of me one time because I flipped you off during an argument#anyway lup hates mom and yelled at me about having let her take over lup's space for like 10min after they left#i apologized and will fo so again tonight with catnip and dehydrated salmon#amara did great tho! mostly disliked rene (lmao correctly smelling the man on her I think but that's a whole separate thing that happened#god my parents are exhausting#they weren't even over for 5 whole hours and I have a cramp in my shoulder and a fuckening migraine#oh! she did at least bring me a better migraine abortive#i'll take that when I get home and massage some oil into my neck before heating it#oh man#a massage oil heatpack on my shoulders and hips sounds incredible right now I really should make a rice sack for that eventually#should buy myself some yarn this month and knit things
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Just had a scary half an hour during which I started seeing a huge bright spot in both of my eyes and I could barely see anything, what the hell. It's gone now but just what the fuck was that ?????
#That was SO weird#I was born half blind so I'm extremely scared of losing my eyesight in any way y'all#both of my eyes are pretty bad but combined together I actually have decent eyesight thankfully#This happened out of nowhere after I gently scratched my eyes too and yeah ngl that was scary as fuck#never had anything similar ever before#I can feel a migraine coming so maybe it's related but oof#don't do that again#nekro yapping
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I don't care if the texts are about what you're eating for dinner, I'll take all the crumbs I can get !!
LMAO yeah okay here you go. And upon reading them this morning it wasn't that funny so idk why I was laughing almost hysterically last night about it ahskalslal
#not snz#he's so right i did sound insane lmao#i always manage to forget how weird i get when I'm overly tired ahskalsl#in my defense i was texting my fire coworkers like this too ahskalslal#six of them texted me to make sure i survived my drive home and a few texted me later in the evening to make sure i was still alive#i got progressively weirder the longer the day went on lmao#passed out at like 11pm which is unheard of for me#it's 10am now and honestly i still don't feel like i slept enough#vaguely headachy and still kinda tired#i know migraine hangovers are A Thing but I've never had one so maybe I'm just going crazy fr lmao#at least i don't have to do anything today#also several people i know said to drink caffeine??? like will that not make it worse?????#the most caffeine i consume is maybe a cup of black tea and that's not even everyday#it just makes me so tired lmao and doesn't caffeine make headaches worse#i think the coworkers are just trying to fuck with me idk#i am kinda hungry tho i barely ate yesterday bc i was nauseous af#maybe food will fix me
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I just can't believe that zero pain is the normal amount to be in
#i literally can not remember ever having no pain and it's entirely possible i have been in pain since before birth#usually it's just distracting and makes it so i can't do what i want/need to#but on worse days i can not stop thinking about the pain and i can barely get out of bed for food and such#i feel like such a lazy useless pile of steaming shit right now#i haven't even done anything particularly strenuous#like. sure i had a bad phase with migraines and not sleeping and then pmdd and menstrual hell and the hurricane#and mixed into that i might have pushed myself physically a few times#and if i were anyone else i would be advising the exhausted person to just let themselves rest a bit#but i can not stop thinking about everything that needs to be done#and how much worse other disabled people have it#and how my partner isn't able to rest because they're working overtime hurricane related shifts#and i can't get the voices of my family out of my head about how lazy disabled people are#(but then they'll also accuse people of faking disability if the disabled person pushes themselves)#i hate this and i hate myself and it's infuriating to keep trying to make myself more normal#but it doesn't work and i just keep ending up feeling even more exhausted when i try to start working out (yoga and squats and such)#if I'd had covid and was dealing with long covid I'd understand and maybe be more forgiving#but this started way before covid 19 (which i haven't had afaik) and only got worse after i had shingles#i am so angry and so sick of being exhausted all the time#... it's a bad fatigue and not great pain time and I'm emotional and so fucking frustrated
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Me: I'm not sure if my health can withstand a commute. Should I try to go in tomorrow?
Apollo: no
Me: should I plan to work from home?
Apollo: no
Me: ...
Apollo:
Me: migraine?
Apollo: migraine.
#(cue it starting immediately afterwards)#i managed to take some painkillers in time to stave the migraine off but i still felt like shit the next day#so i couldnt have worked regardless#this was monday night (and tbf sunday & monday were *extremely* tiring days. i was falling asleep while crocheting & playing ac#which is rare even considering my fatigue issues)#yes/no divination has been great as a way to consult apollo without pulling out the tarot deck (which is more time consuming and takes#a *lot* more spoons)#the only issue is that when i do the stones or tarot i tend to get on a Divination Kick tm which is. not helpful b/c what am i going to do??#i've already finished asking what i needed to ask???#i should probably funnel that burst of dopamine/hyperfixation into researching different methods actually#gonna add that to the routine#also! working out the kinks with the yes/no method. doing it on my floor? no good. inconsistent results. Feels Bad. Loud#doing it on my bed? wonderful 10/10. very consistent results. Feels Good. not loud#i still do tarot on the floor though b/c having a flat sturdy surface is nice#for reference: my commute is 2-2.5 hrs each way via public transit. the sensory experience drains me *very* fast if im not careful and#we're in Purgatory Weather season where it's *juuust* warm & humid enough to maybe be a problem but isnt one For Sure#*and* the state fair is on so the trains are gonna be packed when im trying to get home#coriander says#helpol#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#apollo#theoi#pagans of tumblr#hellenic community#paganblr
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i recommended ur tarot to someone but now i can't find any posts about them, could u possibly reblog one so i can boost? :'3 ty ty! xoxo
Sure! And here's a link to my channel: Witch Vamp Tarot
Thanks for the boost!!
#PS: probably no new video until maybe like Friday#originally i was gonna get one ready ahead of time for today#but i ended up having a multi day migraine right as preorders were ending and a bunch of other stuff going on too#considered doing one today but I'm still kinda in migraine hangover territory plus it was my birthday..#so i guess I'm just taking the week off at this point haha#anyways!#more to come soonish~#ask#witch vamp#witch vamp tarot
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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unrelated to sandwich blogging i feel so rough rn. the migraine bro. get it out of my me
#its like it was like hey lets roll all the ones from a month into one. woke up this morning and thought i was improving on day 2 and#now i feel soooooo much worse. rip.#okay i'll go portion out my casserole to freeze and then maybe i'll even go lay down.#i have actual plans tomorrow with my friend who i haven't been able to see in 6 weeks because i've been so busy doing essential#stuff and i do NOT want to have to cancel because of a migraine!!!!!!! :( :( :(
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I hate how I'm like this.
Then my mutual interacts with me
But then I'm back to this
#i get a short burst of seretonin then it just. ends#honestly ill reblog when im tagged or smth but idk if i can stay active for any longer.#i feel just#so so ill#everything hurts and i have a KILLER migraine#im probably gonna just. stay offline as long as i can#i need to do things irl#and my mums aunt has an infection#shes like 80#if she survives this we dont think shes going to make it to secember#i cant fucking do this#ive already had two people die this year#i cant handle another#i cant do this#i love talking to friends but im jusy hanging on by a thread rn#maybe ill be better soon#i dont know
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As someone who gets migraines especially from stress, I have started to hc Edgar as someone who gets stress migraines as well, because he's been running a kingdom by himself for ten years, and he had to deal with an alliance he Did Not want with the empire that totally killed his dad while also secretly helping a rebellion against said empire and also maintaining a persona to make the empire think he's too young and stupid to be doing that- *inhale*
AND THEN he breaks the alliance, and he's actively fighting the empire but he still has Figaro to think about constantly, and then the world ends and the castle gets trapped underground and he has to become a gang boss to find a way back in so he can save everyone before they suffocate- *inhale*
AND THEN they have to go find all their friends, and fight horrible nightmare monsters, and kill god, and finally try to rebuild the world that got destroyed post-game, and after all that now he's the leader of like... the only surviving nation after the apocalypse.
#and then i feel sad and want someone to bring him water and make him lay down#my mans cares so much abt his friends and his people even with a migraine hed try to keep working on whatever hes doing#edgar is def someone who acts more chill than he is theres no way he doesnt have anxiety#he just also has hundreds of people depending on him so he cant just shut down#final fantasy vi#ff6#final fantasy 6#ffvi#my post#edgar roni figaro#enjoy my late night angst i have plenty more where this came from#the returners live in my head rent free so i am thinking about them constantly#maybe i will post more hcs later
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I finally got the drop pearls I ordered and I’ve been making matching earrings for my papa rosaries hehehehe I already made a pair for Copia’s that I’ll post later but they’re HUGE because I used the same gold cross pendants I put on Terzo’s rosary but I wanted a smaller pair with the drop pearls too :) :)
#the band ghost#papa emeritus iv#papa emeritus ii#jewellery making#I’m also making some earrings with little leftover charms I have. maybe I’ll post those too#I love getting back into old hobbies so so so much hehehe :)#ngl I’ve been a bit miserable since Tuesday because my social battery had been DRAINED and I had a migraine#but this is the first time I’ve gotten out of bed since Tuesday and I feel so much better#all because of my silly little beads#I do need to get bigger jumprings though. I’ve been making the jumprings for the drop pearls with eyepins I trimmed#and they’re not great but like. considering I don’t have bail making pliers I think they’re pretty okay#I might start on Primo’s rosary today too. I’m on a roll
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