#so many thoughts.. but im grateful for this lesson

[starlixers]

♫ if you’re not of legal age, stay off my page!

cw: cult mention, degradation, dacryphilia, mean dom sugu, safeword taunting, m!receiving oral, gender neutral as per uge 😌

this was a drabble and I just kept going.🧍🏾‍♀️something something if suguru was my bf I would, legitimately, worship the ground he walks on and I’m not joking. this geto lover shit gets SERIOUS

it’s so funny bc I see so many hcs that suguru geto would be absolutely WHIPPED for his lover and while I do think that’s true I think he would also love to be worshipped a lil ? he wouldn’t outright say it because he is not arrogant or boastful. unlike satoru, he is quiet in the way his presence commands respect and devotion, which is why if you even begin to have a thought of being a bit too friendly with another man or woman he is sooo quick to put you in ur place.. you see it in the way he looks down on you but not in condescension but rather just pure NEED to see you submit..

and if u have a bratty personality omfg good luck, babe!!!

something feral in me goes off if I think about how he likes to humiliate his lover too 🤤

like he is lowkey the type to record you crying all over his cock while you’re struggling to throat him. threatening to show it to the cult as evidence of what a disgusting whore you are (his words), of course he’d rather die than show off whats for his eyes only. this time as he looks down at you, there is definitely condescension in his intense gaze. but he doesn’t smile at you, his face is almost deadpan (as he tries so hard not to blow his load everytime you gag bc he is a pathetic loser sometimes too).

his gaze silently holds yours save for the occasional grunt. your sucking him so messily, he can’t help but call you a degenerate even though he likes it so much. he loves to see you submit.

when he sees that needy look in your teary eyes silently begging him to be merciful for once and just touch you, his hand will instinctively reach to stroke your hair, digging his fingers into your scalp as he gently thrusts into the warm cavern of your mouth. this is the most gentle you will get him all day, because he knows when he starts to fuck you, you’ll break.

suguru geto fucks MEAN when he’s mad at you. it doesn’t matter how big or small you are, he’s folding you like origami to teach you a lesson. bullying his fat tip into you over and over; he doesn’t care if you cum or not this is for him ? “be grateful you’re even getting dick after the stunt you pulled today. say thank you, sweetheart.” and I’m saying thank you every time 🧎🏾‍♀️

he will not hesitate to go until your crying. he likes that shit too, he’s such a freak. he loves to take you from behind and push your head into the pillows, effectively pinning you but not giving you the satisfaction of his warm skin against yours. usually when he starts to fuck you, he hold you until there’s no space between your bodies, he worships you. but now, he is merciless in the way he forces you to relinquish your usual place beside him and give into your place beneath him. in this moment, he is your idol and you will worship.

and it wouldn’t be so hard to do if his dick wasn’t so fucking thick. the initial stretch always burns so good; he gives you but a few moments to adjust before he’s pressing you down and pounding you. he has stamina out the ass, his pace is quick and steady and it feels too good. he will have you begging him to slow down, please let me catch my breath, it’s too much!!

im sorry but he really dgaf about it being “too much.” 😭🙏🏾

he’ll keep going, until you’re crying out loud with every harsh pound of his hips against the flesh of your ass and thighs. your skin is warm and raw as if he’s spanked you there but no; he’s just that fast.

and if you keep whining he is lowkey the type to lean down and taunt you to say your safeword. he’s expressed to you many times, if you say it he’s off you in an instant and he never wants you to feel like you can’t use it. but he knows you so fucking well. he knows that you do not want him to stop impaling you on his girthy cock. “baby, is it really too much? why don’t you say it then, hm? say the word and I’ll stop.” and he’s starts slowing down waiting for you to say it, but all you can do is cry and moan as you start fucking yourself back onto him. “knew it, you greedy slut. stop whining, now. take what I give you and say fucking thank you.”

if you think you can’t take it, you’re still going to take it because he said so.

I love reading cult leader fics and the mc is always scared but also horny….like thats so me omg…

reply if you wanna be added to my taglist for short drabbles or fics (^_−)−☆

[fleurhcss]

˙✧˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡˚ 𝐈 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐈𝐧 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 - Hyunjin x FEM Reader!

cw : photographer Hyunjin, needs a muse, reader and him will meet in his exhibition, blood, murder, nudes, sculpture classes, dead body tw, if you are sensible pls don't interact, MDNI. SENSITIVE CONTENT!

sw : blood kink, hair pulling, degradation, unprotected sex, creampie, rough sex, anal, oral (both receiving), riding, humping, teasing, touching, masturbation, blowjob, marks, biting, choke kink, they'll have sex covered in blood.

wc : 9.025

synopsis : Hyunjin's a photographer and meets reader at his own exhibition. He falls in love with her beauty and the way she talks about art, so he proposes to her to attend his sculpture classes and then, after some of them, to be his model for a nude photography project, which will lead them to have sex. One day, she arrives before the appointment and begins to explore his study, finding a cupboard where he keeps all the heads of the girls he has seduced before her. But she's not afraid, she's excited. After a few minutes he shows up, catching her in the moment and she tells him her little dark secret, so they set up a murder and then fuck in the bloody mess.

a/n : hii... that's the first time for me writing here and writing in English so PLS im sorry if there are some errors!! I hope u enjoy this anyway 🎀🎀 I opened a ko-fi account, i will post there some stories and drawings, if you want to support me i will be grateful to anyone who wants to give me tips, ITS NOT OBLIGATORY

MASTERLIST

[ SMUT / TW ]

You have always been an art lover, which has led you to visit many exhibitions over the years. Photography and sculpture were your favourite subjects, and you have lost count of the number of exhibitions you have visited in your lifetime. However, it was a bit of a contradiction that art was not what you studied. You were a student of anatomy at university, which of course helped you to understand the human forms you so admired and loved to create. Although your studies were far from your true passion, you couldn't help but attend the private lessons that were often advertised in flyers around the city. That year alone, you attended no less than five classes, loving the way your hands shaped the clay beneath them. Its softness, the way it escaped your touch when wet: it was smooth, soft, elusive and malleable. Almost unpredictable, one might add. Once, because of a few air bubbles, you had to redo your work because it had burst in the kiln. Yes, one of the great faults of clay was its ability to burst if it was not perfectly formed. You were like clay, unpredictable. But you also loved the unpredictability of a photograph, the immediacy of a shot. The reality it represented. It was no coincidence that these were your favourite subjects.

You were walking around, sipping your caramel milkshake, after a long and tiring day at university. The music was on your mind, you imagined yourself in the scenarios that the soundtrack was transporting through your ears, but nothing could have distracted you from the sight of a giant billboard announcing a photography exhibition that weekend: The Art of the Body. This particular billboard had caught your attention not only because of the type of photography on display - nude exhibitions were rare in your town these days, too much of a scandal for the citizens. You were different, you appreciated every single muscle, every single feature of the human body. - But also for the way in which that body, unclothed, had been immortalised. Enclosed in a net that did not completely cover it, the woman's features were fully visible; she looked almost like a sculpture because of the contrast between light and dark.

You were enraptured by the image, your thoughts had clouded your mind, you had barely paid attention to the name of the photographer who was going to present this exhibition. But you didn't care, the subject matter was already of great interest to you. Nude photography by those who could not understand or feel it was considered almost scandalous. You found it a contradiction because very often the same people who criticised this kind of photography were the first to admire sculptures of the calibre and genre of Michelangelo's David, who, by the way, was naked.

For you, this kind of photograph was just like a sculpture. But warm, soft, even more real and expressive. You were sure that you would love that kind.

When you got back to your flat, the first thing you did was take a shower. It was the most plausible option after a long and tiring day, not least because you would have to clean up the mess left in your kitchen. In fact, by the time you found yourself having to clean it up, you were starting to get bored, so television would have been a good idea for entertainment at a time when all you wanted to do was sleep. You watched the news, and once again the topic of the day was the countless missing girls in your area. You wondered what was going on and why so many girls had mysteriously disappeared in a matter of days. There were no traces of mysterious serial killers, or even traces and statements from the victims themselves, if there were any. They had not been seen with anyone, nor had anyone talked about them. They had nothing in common. Or at least the police had not been good enough to find out. Well, in fact, the police had failed miserably from the start with the story of these girls' disappearance.

After all, there were no traces of the girls, and you had to clean up quickly because of the stench that was starting to fill the room.

⋆˚✿˖° 𐙚 ₊ ⊹ ♡

Finally, the long-awaited day of the exhibition had arrived, and you were excited just to think that you would be able to see such works live, even more so if they were all close to the one on the poster that had caught your eye. You were well dressed for the occasion, you wanted to make yourself presentable. You were also excited to meet the artist. You hadn't read the name, you weren't even interested in meeting him, but as the days went by, your curiosity grew and you did some research to find out who the man was: he was a young man - well, very young - his name was Hwang Hyunjin, a photographer and professor of sculpture. You were very interested in that because those were your two favourite subjects. So you had to admit that you had made yourself beautiful in order to look like that in the eyes of such a man. Also because you had seen pictures of him on some magazine covers and on the Internet, and you had noticed that he was indeed a handsome man. Maybe even more than handsome. He himself seemed to be part of a collection of sculptures.

His features were delicate but masculine, his body seemed well proportioned and he was tall and lean. He had dark, feline eyes and lips that were sure to drive all the women who had ever met him crazy.

You took one last look at yourself in the mirror and, after spraying on your ever-present perfume, you left the house, heading for the exhibition. It was Saturday night, the streets of your city were crowded, kids ready to go to some club, men with wives were ready to go to dinner. Saturday night chaos was, as always, inevitable.

You found yourself having to turn down your best friend's invitation to some club just to go to this exhibition. But she understood, she knew how much you loved art and you hadn't missed a single one of these exhibitions that came to your town every year. It was true, you had never missed one. Once you even got a cold and covered yourself well with a huge scarf and a heavy coat. Unlike the way you were dressed today. A tight black dress that stopped at mid-thigh, a long black coat, your beloved lace-up boots and a chignon that gathered your hair delicately. You were truly charming.

When you arrived at the exhibition, you immediately took a glass of red wine that was offered to every visitor. You were enchanted by the splendour that surrounded you. Photographs of all kinds: coloured, black and white, bodies covered in nets, naked bodies, bodies covered in liquids - water, blood - lying in the soil , all one with nature. But the photograph that struck you the most was of a body whose head could not be seen and it was crushed below the knees, while a long stream of blood was falling on it. It was strange, the photo was in white and black, well contrasted, sharp, but the blood had not lost its colour: warm red, carmine. You could feel its density, its fluidity, through the photograph. It had given you goosebumps.

A warm, but not too deep voice distracted you from your thoughts.

«This painting is called Passion's Flood.»

You turned to see the boy you had been searching for, for the past two days, and your mouth almost fell open.

His beauty was even more ethereal in person. The complexion of his skin was almost golden, and those eyes seemed to bore into you. The articles were not wrong, this was the most beautiful man you had ever seen. He was elegant, refined, attractive. You didn't even know what adjective to use to describe him, to do justice to such beauty. You were so dazzled that you almost forgot everything you wanted to say to this man.

«Why this name? More to the point, why the adjective 'passion'?» you said as soon as you awoke from your almost trance-like state. The words slipped from your tongue, as did your curiosity as to the real reason for this choice.

It was strange to hear that such an image had been given such a name. You were curious about the definition of 'passion' for this man. Why it was associated with the image of blood. That rich red liquid dripping onto a naked body, accentuating the shape of the woman portrayed. This made the man behind you smile. He approached you and studied you carefully. He examined you from top to bottom. From head to toe. It was inevitable that he would find you a beautiful, attractive, girl. He bit his lower lip and glanced at the work in front of you, then shifted his gaze back to the subject of his interest: you.

«Interesting question, I see you also pay a lot of attention to the names of the works.» your eyes were fixed on his lips, watching them move at the sound of his voice. How he licked them and made them shine. Perfectly swollen and red. Watching him had become more interesting than watching his work. «Inevitably, the intrinsic meaning of the work itself could be understood from the name, but it is interesting how you used the adjective 'passion' to describe a body covered in blood. The work itself is interesting, it is rare to see something like this in an exhibition. You have a fascinating mind, Mr. Hwang.»

This only inflated the ego of the man at your side, who wasted no time in positioning himself in front of his own work. He flashed a smug, satisfied smile, interested in how your mind was working at that moment. He could not stop the instinct, the primal instinct, that inevitably drew him to you. He licked his lips for the umpteenth time and crossed his arms over his chest, allowing the fabric of the jacket he was wearing to fit better over the obviously defined muscles. «Call me by my name. I don't think there's much of an age difference. In any case, the definition of 'Passion Flood' in this case refers to the fact that passion can flare up in any way, at any time. The association with blood is not only because it automatically brings to mind a warm colour, such as bright red, but also because passion flows in our veins, in our blood. The blood itself evokes the heat, the impact, the sensation that passion can give us. A unique adrenaline rush. For few.» you were enchanted by the way his mind worked, the man was a genius.

Not only was he good at shootings, but the way he spoke to you, the tone of his voice, was like a mermaid to a sailor. He would lure you out to sea and then grab you by the tail. His piercing gaze was as if he wanted to trap you and drag you down with him.

«Your definition of passion is interesting, Hyunjin. I can also say that this definition fits perfectly with the way you create your works. If I may say so, this photograph is extraordinary, perhaps one of the best in this exhibition so far. After all, passion is what you do. Photography is in your blood, it is your passion. Art itself, right? Looking at this photograph, I can see the body of the liquid, the vivid colour and the contrast with the chiaroscuro of the body. I can see the softness of the flesh, its silkiness.» When you stopped talking, the man in front of you licked his lips, pleasantly pleased with what your mind could conceive in terms of art.

«Your mind fascinates me, ...?» he paused, clearly inviting you to tell him your name. You felt the blood boiling in your veins, a heat permeating your body. As if him had set it on fire. «Y/N,» you whispered, once again entranced by his beauty. You were sure he had bewitched you somehow. His charm was beyond anything else. Hwang Hyunjin was not just an artist, he was art itself.

«Do you also work in the field of art?» he asked, moving dangerously close to your body. Your mind went blank, he was far too close. You could not say a word. He was like a magnet, the closer he came, the closer you wanted to be. It was crazy how a man could have such an effect on you, who had always declared yourself a woman who would not be intimidated or subjugated by men. But with Hwang Hyunjin it was different. You were under his spell and would let him do anything to you just to feel him near you.

«I take anatomy classes, but in my spare time I take classes in photography and sculpture. Let's say they are my biggest passions», you could see his eyes light up when you said this. That was his moment. Hyunjin could not fail to use this moment to invite you to one of his classes. Yes, among the thousands of things Hwang did, there were also private lessons in sculpture and photography. And you could not help but be delighted, your heart almost leaping out of your chest. The one and only, the magnetic Hwang Hyunjin had personally asked you to join his sculpture class.

As he walked towards you, your bodies colliding, you found yourself squeezing your legs together, you felt a jolt penetrate your intimacy. His lips came to your earlobe and caressed it, «I expect to see you there, Y/N».

Needless to say, when you left that night, all you could think about was Hyunjin's pointed hands running over your body.

⋆˚✿˖° 𐙚 ₊ ⊹ ♡

It had been a really tough week at university, you had to dissect several bodies and your placement was about to start. You were going to be a trainee in a forensic laboratory, so your lectures were now harder and the level of attention they demanded was higher. However, the thought of attending evening classes that Friday, taught by Hyunjin - the man who had been on your mind for the past week - helped you relax.

Your best friend was aware of the little fixation you had developed with the man and often used it to tease you. When you told her you were going to meet him in class that evening, she made so many dirty jokes that you wondered if it was still her. But other girls had disappeared in those days and she didn't want you to be one of them. So she was worried. As you prepared to go to class, she had given you more advice than your mother had given you in your entire life. In fact, you felt like a daughter, a little girl to her. It was obvious that you would be careful, you wanted to return home safely.

So you prepared and made yourself beautiful, just to impress the man of your thoughts, and then you left the house, leaving a trail of fruity perfume behind you. That evening, even though the occasion was nothing more than a sculpture class, you had dressed well. You had on a light sweater that left a strip of your belly uncovered, burgundy with vertical stripes of fabric. Loose, baggy jeans below your navel and flats that matched the colour of your shirt. But the breeze that had risen that evening had forced you to put on your beloved leather jacket.

Your hair was loose, falling over your shoulders as one hand held the strap of the bag tightly. You were eager to see how Hyunjin taught during his lessons, eager to see those hands you dreamed of every night on you, running over the fresh clay, shaping it, imagining it to be your body. You were curious to see what this evening would bring, whether it would be as interesting as you thought it would be, or whether it would be a total disappointment.

Arriving at the location indicated on the flyer Hyunjin had given you, your eyes met the moment you crossed the threshold of the hall. He stood out like a marble statue, his hair tied back in a ponytail, a black t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up and baggy jeans covering a pair of brown and white Nikes on his feet. The piercing in his eyebrow made his gaze at you even more captivating. You entered, bowed and took your seat. They weren't all taken yet, surely he hadn't started because he was expecting a few more people to attend the class.

Behind him were blocks of clay and a table with all sorts of tools and materials for modelling. You assumed that he would be distributing these materials to the students himself, and were not at all surprised to find that most of them were women who were just as interested in the art as they were in the man who was going to teach it to them.

Your gazes were chained as if nothing could break it, it was only interrupted when Hyunjin realised that the hall was now full and it was time to start the lesson. He stood in the middle of the hall with a smile on his face, he was really handsome. He managed to be delicate and attractive at the same time. You were sure that this boy would not be easy to get out of your mind. It was clear that you wanted him more than you thought. «Welcome everyone, this is the first lesson of this course where we will cover the basics and modelling with clay. I have some tools here with me, after I give you a general introduction to the subject, I will hand them out to all of you, along with a lump of clay, so that we can begin the actual course.»

Needless to say, you lost focus after his introduction, too focused on watching his lips move and the vein in his neck throb. You watched his movements carefully, the way the fabric of his shirt occasionally allowed a glimpse of the hollow of his v-zone, the way the material of his jeans clung perfectly to his slender thighs. The man was a dream, and yet he looked like a demon disguised as an angel. His elegant, almost princely movements had managed to hypnotise you. You felt your body go numb and shot through with a long series of electric shocks, all of which landed in your stomach. The sexual tension you felt when standing next to Hyunjin was now sky-high.

It was Hyunjin himself who distracted you from your unchaste thoughts about him. He placed a series of objects on your bench and winked and smiled at you. That made you glow red, and not just on your cheeks. You felt a pleasant warmth spreading through your body and you weren't sure what it would lead to. Certainly nothing good in the state you were in now. «Good to see you here, Y/N.» he whispered in your ear, making you blush again. You lost your words.

As Hyunjin took his place behind a table with all the materials needed to mould the clay, it was fascinating to watch how his wet hands began to caress the block, softening it. Kneading, massaging the malleable material. But the thing that took your breath away again was the way his eyes locked on you as he spoke. As he explained how to handle the clay, as he squeezed it, as he moulded it in his hands, his gaze was fixed on you. You squeezed your legs together, and you were sure he noticed because of the smirk in his eyes. This made you even more embarrassed.

You watched as his tapered fingers created shapes, sweeping over the material, smeared with clay, to shape it to his liking. You wished you were that lump of clay. You wished he would touch you the way he did with that slippery material.

As you began to shape the clay yourself, you hardly thought about Hyunjin's fingers caressing you as you wished. Your mind was lost in the farthest reaches of your thoughts as you concentrated on shaping the lump. You hadn't even noticed Hyunjin watching your hands move as you did with his. His gaze devoured your body and hinted at what was going on in his mind. He was curious how those skilful hands would move around his member. It made him quite aroused, but he could not afford to have an erection in the middle of class by having unchaste thoughts about you.

As the classroom began to empty, the teacher greeted everyone politely and took the opportunity to approach you, who had not noticed anything, still lost in your world and the little statue you were forging. He positioned himself behind you as soon as the last student had left the room, and began to stroke your arms and blow on your neck. It was what brought your head back down to earth. You bit your lower lip as his hands moulded the clay with yours and his warm body clung to yours.

You found yourself gasping as his lips touched your lobe again. This boy would be the end of you, you were sure of it.

«You know, I noticed how your legs tightened at the sound of my voice. I also noticed your eyes burning into my form as I gave this lecture. I'm very curious to know what fantasies are running through your head, little Y/N,» he giggled, then washed his hands in the next sink and invited you to join him. And once again you were hypnotised, enchanted by his voice and his touch. When he took you by the hips, placed you on the only clean counter and spread your legs, you couldn't help but gasp. Words were dead in your throat now, you looked at him with bated breath and all you wanted to do was sink his face between your thighs. «Look what we have here, - he said, stroking your intimacy from above the fabric of your jeans, which he could feel were already wet, - there's no need for you to hide now. I got you,» he whispered again against your neck.

«Hyunjin... Please,» you murmured, your thoughts now clouded by the pleasure of his touch. «What? Tell me what you want,» he taunted you again. Your hand moved to his wrist and pushed it towards the crotch of your jeans. That drove him crazier than you thought.

He unbuttoned your jeans and pulled them down to your knees, his gaze resting on the crotch of your now wet panties. You felt no shame, the only thing running through your body now was the adrenaline of being fucked by this man. Your rational part had been switched off by the only one part that had to take over. «Look at you, I haven't even touched you properly and you're already all wet, you little whore. For now you'll be satisfied with what I'm going to give you tonight, if you're good enough you'll get another prize after this one,» your head had fallen back and your back was now arched. It was only with his words that he had been able to bring you to this state. Giggling, he moved the fabric of your panties with two fingers, the same ones that slowly began to massage your walls, while his eyes carefully scanned every corner of your body. You were going crazy, you wanted more and your grip on his wrist let him know it. «Look at you, so needy for my touch. I have a crazy idea that you can't refuse. I need this favour. No one inspires me, attracts me like you do. Be my muse and let me photograph this beautiful, unclothed body,» he whispered into your ear, pushing his fingers further between your pussy lips.

He did not penetrate you, but you were sure that only with this type of touch you could come. You nodded, reeling from the spell he had cast on you, and he smiled, pleased at the state you were in. He moved closer to you, not a kiss, just a bite on your lower lip and one in the hollow of your neck. Which made you quite dizzy with the sensation of his fingers now moving in a circular motion over your intimacy.

«Very good, Princess. Now why don't you cum for me? Like a good girl,» he whispered and began to move his fingers at a speed you didn't think possible. But your mind was clouded and you needed to feel under your hands how much he needed your touch too, so with a grin you grabbed the crotch of his trousers and began to move your hand up and down, feeling how great his length was. But there was no pleasure in doing this from above his jeans, so you inserted your hand into the fabric and with quick movements began to masturbate his intimacy. His moans were satisfying and made your head spin, you were almost in the same state. He growled, moving quickly on your vagina as you did with his member, now a moaning mess, playing with the tip of his member, stimulating it.

It was obvious that after a few minutes you would cum in each other's hands with a loud orgasm, and you did. You screamed her name as her teeth sank into the hollow of your neck, biting it. «I have no class on Tuesday, come here, to this address, my long awaited project will finally come to life,» he whispered in your ear as he licked his fingers covered in your juices, just as you licked yours, soiled with his.

⋆˚✿˖° 𐙚 ₊ ⊹ ♡

To say that you had been thinking about what had happened with Hyunjin all weekend was an understatement. The boy hadn't left your mind for a second, nor had the feeling of his fingers over your intimacy. You were constantly thinking about what you had done and the desire to go deeper was alive and growing inside you. It was obvious that you wanted to be fucked by him, so much so that you almost forgot your own name. When Hyunjin was in front of you, all rational thought went out the window. When he had asked you to be his muse, a warmth had grown in your chest and spread between your legs. You couldn't wait to pose naked for him. To let his hands move your body as he wished. Even at that moment, his hands were touching you in your mind, as you rubbed against the pillow in your room, with another news report of a missing girl in the background. But your mind was too busy thinking about Hyunjin to listen to how this girl, unlike the others, you had actually seen in the course of sculpting that the man you dreamed of every night was taking.

When you reached your orgasm, certainly not like you did with Hyunjin's hand, you decided it was the best to take a shower. The next day was the big day you had been looking forward to. You were going crazy. Your best friend had called you to find out the details, but you still hadn't told her what had happened between you and Hyunjin, you would when you maybe had sex fully. Also because that was what you had hoped for most. To hear how he wanted to fuck you. You giggled to hear how she imagined possible scenarios for your encounter, if only she knew how far you had already gone.

When the time and day finally came for you to meet Hyunjin for 'his long awaited project', you couldn't help but feel the shivers running through your body. You wore your hair in a slightly dishevelled bun, a tight black skirt covering you to mid-thigh and a slightly unbuttoned blouse with a burgundy lace-embroidered bra wrapped around your torso. Black boots on your feet and the usual leather jacket over your shoulders.

You gasped as Hyunjin's slim and elegant figure appeared behind you. He was wearing a blue silk shirt that showed his chest, tight black jeans and pointed ankle boots of the same colour. Sunglasses and a necklace surrounded the beauty already present in the man, and the loose hair falling down his neck made him even more attractive in your eyes.

His gaze gave you goosebumps; he approached you with an almost devilish smile and greeted you with a kiss on the lips. At that moment, you felt the ground give away beneath your feet. You looked at him as, smirking at the way he was making you feel, he opened the studio door and let you in first like a gentleman. «I see you've made yourself pretty for me, little Y/N. I like the way you're dressed, that bra fits you like a glove, it's a shame we have to take it off,» he whispered as he slowly removed your leather jacket and put his glasses elsewhere. His voice guided you, sending shivers down your spine. You noticed that all the materials he needed were already arranged in every corner of the studio and understood that he didn't want to waste any time in arranging what he needed. Kissing your neck, he began to remove your shirt, gently running his fingers down your arms and then your torso, then removing your bra as well, cupping your tits with his hands and massaging them, causing you to give a moan of pleasure that made you throw your head over one of his shoulders. «They are perfect, they have a wonderful texture, a perfect shape to be cupped by my hands,» he blew on your shoulder, biting it almost violently. But this action only made you moan even more.

Slowly he began to move his hands down, caressing the rest of your body, making you gasp as he pulled off your skirt and then slowly your panties. You were completely naked to his eyes this time. He bit his lip as he caressed every part of your body, from your breasts to your bottom, cupping and massaging one of your buttocks. «Like a good little girl, take off your shoes and lie down on this wooden hoop,» he said, and you obeyed. Without a word. You felt his eyes burning on you, like fire. You lay down in front of him and let him touch you in any way that would satisfy his desires. When he grabbed the camera, you squeezed your legs together, already feeling the effect of his intense gaze on you.

It made him laugh, but not in amusement. Not at all. It was almost diabolical. You saw how he approached you by getting on top of you and opening your legs, he began to watch how your pussy shrank around nothing, completely wet. This made him move his nose closer to it and blow on it. It had driven you so crazy that you not only let out a long moan, but arched your back so that your vagina was closer to his nose. And he grinned as he slipped two fingers inside you without warning, taking a picture just as your back arched again, your head fell back and your lips parted in a moan. « Very good baby, you are the perfect muse for this project. No one could have done as well as you,» he whispered as he pulled his fingers out from inside you and brought them to his lips, sucking away your juices.

You went crazy, your body was burning even though you were naked, craving his touch, his hands on you. Every time he approached to take your picture, you hoped he would touch you, something more than mere caresses. Even if they were not 'mere caresses'.

But when he put down his camera and caught up with you at a fast pace, you realised that maybe he didn't just want to take pictures. And in the end, that was what you were hoping for. He towered over you with his body, observing how perfect yours was. He caressed every part of you until he lowered himself to your lips and began a ravenous, passionate kiss. You moaned at the contact and his hands began to massage your breasts until, running out of air, he pulled away from your lips and then lowered himself to your breasts and sucked on them voraciously. Your head was elsewhere, you could do nothing but give way to his touch. Your hands were harpooned in his hair, pulling at it. Your legs tightened around his torso as his pelvis moved in search of yours. Hyunjin was mad. He could feel the blood boiling in his veins; he needed to release all the adrenaline coursing through his veins. «My bitch, that's what you are. Just fucking mine. And like a good girl you are going to feed me now,» he smiled almost maniacally as his face settled between your thighs. He had taken off his shirt and unbuttoned his jeans, which were now too tight to contain his obvious erection. You clutched his hair as he began to bite your inner thigh, leaving bite marks and bruises everywhere. But you didn't care, you just wanted to feel him between your legs.

Hyunjin began to take long laps on your cunt, spreading it with his fingers so that he could better slide his tongue between your walls. You were a whimpering mess, all too pleasurable. He sucked and moved his tongue voraciously, as if he really wanted to eat you. He pulled at the lips covering your clit with his teeth and then sucked on them almost violently. You felt your orgasm approaching, but you didn't want to come like that, you wanted him to fuck you. «Please Hyunjin...mh...stop...it's too much, I'm about to come...!» you gripped his hair in a vice grip. But that did not matter to him, if it meant making you cum several times in one evening, he would do it without fail.

His mouth was harpooned between your walls, his tongue moving as if he were kissing you and not what was between your legs. You were going out of your mind and the closer you came to orgasm the more he felt it and went fast. «Fuck Hyunjin!» you shouted before cumming all over his face. Which pleased him by the way. He licked his lips and without a second thought started to kiss you again, so much so that you could feel yourself on his tongue. But that was not enough, he wanted you. «I'm going to fuck you so hard you have no idea. Now behave as well as you have so far and suck me off,» he said as he removed the last of his clothes. Your eyes couldn't help but stare at his erection, certainly getting him all the way in your mouth would have been quite a challenge. You watched him ravenously, having dreamed of this moment for far too long. You began to slowly run your hand down the length of him, massaging his balls as well, you were slow, running your fingers along the veins and playing with his head. He looked exhausted to see you like that. His moans became louder. You smiled and took him in your mouth, all the way to his uvula. This made him tighten his grip on your hair, which was clenched in his hands. He pulled hard on them as he fucked your mouth. Your hands were tight on his thighs as you slid it over your tongue. You spit on the tip, then took it back into your mouth and ran your tongue along every vein. Concentrating especially on the tip. «You are fucking phenomenal. My good whore, keep it up, faster,» he said in a broken voice as he used his pelvis to push against your mouth.

It did not take many more thrusts before it poured into your mouth in hot streams. You stared at him intently as you swallowed the liquid. With a grin, now his umpteenth, he ran his thumb between your lips, cleaning them of his own seed and attacking them with an almost violent kiss. It was so quick that you didn't even notice when he slipped two fingers inside you and began to move them quickly as his member became erect again. Seeing you under him like that drove him crazy and he couldn't wait to fuck you the way he wanted to. He wrapped one hand around your neck, making you moan. You didn't know that these things could ever turn you on, but with Hyunjin, with his hands on your body, it was impossible not to. Soon his fingers became four inside you, and the way he twisted them inside you made you think he already knew what your walls looked like.

It was unexpected for you when you were turned over and positioned on all fours with him standing behind you, erupting like one of your many beloved sculptures. He rubbed his erect member against your entrance, making you shiver as only he could. «God, I can't wait to fuck you, if only you could see the way your butthole is clenching around nothing as I rub against you,» he grinned. But you could feel it, you could feel it all right. «P...lease put it in, I need it Hyunjin mmm - make it quick please, fuck m...e» by now you were beside yourself. Your brain was disconnected.

You heard him laugh, pleased that you felt so weak under his touch. But you couldn't help it; it was as if he had cast a spell on you.

Without a word, he thrust into you in one swift motion. You let out a moan, just as he had. He pushed your back down so that your face touched the floor. You were a fire, you felt your body burning and you just wanted more, more and more. «Fuck,» he shouted. He had your hair in his grip as he squeezed your buttocks and began to thrust into you. You felt the floor turn and collapse beneath your body. You felt full and also heard the sounds Hyunjin made. He growled as he thrust into you with dry, precise strokes. «You're so fucking tight and hot. I could come right now,» he growled thunderously. You couldn't answer, too busy enjoying the feel of his dick inside you. But you needed to feel him deeper, you wanted to feel all of him.

You moved your pelvis closer to his, driving him crazy, he bit his lip while you were a moaning mess, doing nothing but mumbling unrelated words to each other. You were going crazy, you wanted to feel him burning inside you, between your walls. «Fuck, yes, shit!» you heard him say as he held your pelvis tightly against his. The strokes were faster, you felt his cock touching your sensitive spot, stimulating it. You were sure it would not be long before you came. He pulled your hair hard towards him and with the hand holding your pelvis he began to push your body against his own, as if you were standing up. He tightened his free hand around your neck and you moaned at the lack of air.

«Plea...se Hyunjin... harder... faster... fuck the...re...» you said incoherently as he bit your neck, leaving an obvious signal. «Shut up, I decide.»

He whispered in your ear, then increased his thrusts. He forced you back onto the cold wood and you felt his body crush yours as he squeezed your neck and thrust into you at a relentless pace. It was impossible at this point not to let out a loud, high-pitched moan along with your humours.

«Very good, Princess. Now make me come, like a good girl,» he said, overstimulating you, by this time you had reached your limit, your body was weak. But the sound of his thrusts drove you even crazier. After a few final thrusts, you toothed in the hot, sticky fluid that filled your hole. You moaned along with him, riding out his orgasm as his seed dripped from your thighs. He growled and let go of you, kissing your shoulder.

You never expected him to clean you up by putting his tongue between your buttocks and licking away his own cum. This made you moan at his touch, causing him to giggle, which made his tongue vibrate inside your hole.

As he stood up and began to clean it up, including you, he leaned towards your face and blew on your lips, leaving a slow, passionate kiss. «I want you here this Friday, Y/N.»

⋆˚✿˖° 𐙚 ₊ ⊹ ♡

Days later, you were still thinking about the way Hyunjin had fucked you so well in the photo room. You couldn't get it out of your head. Even when you found yourself cleaning up the huge stinking mess you had made. That day you had made more of a mess than usual, you had to be more careful the next time.

When you had finished cleaning up the mess, you decided it would be better for you to eat: you had to cook lunch. The next day you were to meet the man who had been in your thoughts for two weeks. You couldn't think of anything else. Hyunjin really seemed to have cast a strange spell on you. But you didn't mind. Just like it hadn't bothered you to feel that his body was completely connected to yours.

After a quiet lunch you decided it would be best to organise your tools and materials, after this morning they were all in a mess and you hated mess. You had even left them out of storage the last time. So you stood patiently in front of your cupboard, arranging the duffel bag that you jealously guarded. Meanwhile, you wondered why the police still hadn't found anything about the girls. The number had increased enormously, and whoever was making them disappear had to be an expert to get away with it without leaving any evidence. You'd like to ask yourself who would ever be able to go unnoticed for almost twenty days while the police still hadn't found anything. After tidying up the mess you had made, you decided that it might be best to think about what to wear to meet Hyunjin tomorrow. You were extremely impatient.

⋆˚✿˖° 𐙚 ₊ ⊹ ♡

And there you were, in front of the usual studio. Where Hyunjin had arranged to meet you. You had dressed up, a black over the knee coat, your usual leather jacket, black boots and this time your long hair was over your shoulders. However, you noticed that the studio door was already open; maybe Hyunjin was already inside, just waiting for your arrival. You bit your lip, unsure what to do.

What would be wrong with going in?

So you did, but no one was there.

«Hyunjin?» you called, hoping that the man would appear before you. But curiosity got the better of you and you started walking around the studio, which was large but not too crowded. There were scattered tools, pieces of clay and photographic paper. But there was one thing that caught your eye. The door to a small room was half open, and from it came a strong smell that you knew too well. You were used to the smell. But you wondered why it was coming from the cupboard in Hyunjin's study and why you had never smelled it before, since you had been there twice before. So you went to the door, opened it and put your hand to your mouth.

You had just found the culprit behind the disappearance of so many girls in your town.

There were so many heads arranged in rows on tables, the blood had been cleaned off, but the skin looked intact, as if it had not decomposed. They looked like so many porcelain dolls. You started to get closer when you felt a presence behind you and your breath caught in your throat. «Someone found something they weren't supposed to see, don't you think, Princess?» you turned around so slowly that when you saw him covered in blood, an electric shock almost ran through your entire body.

But you were not afraid; your curiosity had overcome your fear.

«How did you make them so porcelain-like and not get caught?» you whispered as his body clung to yours, crushed against the wall. He chuckled, trying to see an edge of fear in your face. He was surprised to find none. That made you even more special and unique in his eyes. No one had ever been like you before. «Aren't you afraid? Ask me how I made them like this instead of running away and reporting me to the police,» he laughed. But you smiled, grabbed his hair and brought his face closer to yours. Lips on lips. «I'm not afraid. In fact, I'm curious. You made them look like so many disembodied dolls. Where did you throw their bodies without getting caught? It takes talent,» the answer made his eyes sparkle.

You were definitely different.

He grabbed you by the neck and tightened his grip. But you weren't afraid, you were sure he wouldn't hurt you. He was just angry because you made him feel different. Because it was you. You made him want you more than anything.

He slipped a hand under your dress, felt how wet the crotch of your panties was.

You giggled.

«You are different. You are not afraid. You're turned on by all of this, you sick little whore,» you laughed. At the top of your lungs. You pulled him closer with one leg and rubbed your pelvis against him, moaning. «I may have a dark little secret of my own, my dear Hyunjin. How about we take advantage of it?» you bit his lip. His head was spinning, he felt his hands burning. «First tell me about this dark little secret you little bitch,» you pressed your bodies together and felt yours almost catching fire, you wanted it. Again. At least you wanted him to make you come.

«Haven't you ever wondered why I take anatomy lessons when my passion is something else?» you giggled, leaving him confused. You were like him. «I love dissecting corpses even more when they are fresh and made by me, squeezing organs in my hands, and I would love to see them intact forever. Why don't you tell me your little secret? How do you make those heads like that?» you moaned under his touch, quickly rubbing your cunt against his thigh, wetting it. «You're fucking crazy,» he laughed maniacally and then began a fierce kiss, as if your bodies were about to catch fire. You continued to move on his thigh, moaning his name on your lips as you jerked him off over his trousers. All this was turning you on more than you thought. Your breath was short, you couldn't hold back any longer, so you let out a long moan, you on his leg and him in his trousers. It was fast but intense.

«How about cooperating, princess?» he laughed, still above you. «With great pleasure,» you whispered growling into his mouth.

⋆˚✿˖° 𐙚 ₊ ⊹ ♡

After that day, you invited Hyunjin to your house and showed him your collection. It was funny to see his surprised face. He never expected to see that side of you. That day, you orchestrated the perfect plan. Your victims had rarely been women, and his were all women. He also explained to you how he chose his victims, his modus operandi : he often went to this café frequented by students, and often heard these girls squawking like chickens and insulting art, a thing he revered. So did the woman's body. So why not get rid of them after seducing them and keep the body as a prize? It was a perfect idea in his mind. So he decided to prove it to you himself.

You stood at the table behind him and a certain Sasha, he had met her that morning when he brought you your coffee and decided that she would be the ideal victim. You watched as he tried to seduce her with a grin, running his hand down her back to her bottom. You bit your lip, a little jealous of the touch he was reserving for her.

When they got up, you followed them silently, already knowing where Hyunjin was taking her: at the back of his study was a large chamber where he carried out his murders and burned the remaining bodies: the clay oven, a very good idea, you thought.

Everything happened very quickly, the way he undressed her and she undressed him. You trembled. You hated to see the way the girl touched him. He was almost ready to fuck her when, with a wink, he moved you forward and handcuffed the girl's hands and feet. But she screamed in vain, the walls were soundproofed, Hyunjin really had thought of everything.

He took off your clothes, stroking your body, and put them aside with his own so they wouldn't get dirty. After all, it was impossible to remove blood stains from the fabrics. He bit your shoulder and patted your ass, then stood statuesque in front of the girl. You watched closely as he slit her throat with a sharp knife, splashing blood everywhere. And you flanked him as he opened her chest and began to harvest the organs that he would soon show you how to embalm. You loved it.

Soon a pool of blood spread beneath your bodies. You sat on his naked pelvis, as bloodied as he was. He brought the knife between your mouths and you did not hesitate a moment before licking the blood off the metal, crossing your tongue with Hyunjin's. His vermilion hands cupped your breasts, your thighs. Your body. You were the woman he adored. His muse. The half he shared his madness with. His illness. Your mouths met, you drew your lips together, biting your tongues. It was a fierce, ravenous, passionate kiss. Your intimacy rubbed against your naked pussy, wet and warm. You couldn't wait to fuck him. He bit your neck ravenously. As if he wanted to eat you. You loved the way he was so impetuous with you, so passionate. He drove you crazy. «How about we play a little princess?» he grinned, then put two fingers to your vagina and began to move them quickly. Your moans were disconnected and his lips were tight on your breasts, sucking on your nipples and pulling on them with his teeth. Your hands were harpooned in your hair, pulling at it. You definitely wanted more.

He entered you slowly, playing with your walls. As he licked the blood from your body. «Mhh, Hyunjin faster please,» you begged him, pressing your pelvis against his. You wanted more, you wanted him inside you. Your hand reached his intimacy and began to play with his glans, pressing your thumb on the tip so that he moaned. You loved seeing him like that under your touch, even more so when he was completely covered in blood. His hand reached your neck as you decided his fingers were not enough to satisfy you and stood up, sitting straight on his cock. This caused him to moan sharply. «Have a good ride, Hyunjinie,» you whispered in his ear. And he grinned. He took his fingers, smeared with blood and your fluids, into his mouth to lick it all off and then push it into your mouth, playing with your tongue as your walls adjusted to his thick length. You pulled your head back as he tired of waiting and gave a precise thrust inside you, gripping your neck tightly. You loved it when he did this. You began to jump up and down on his length, letting out moans that fortunately no one could hear thanks to the soundproof walls. Hyunjin bit his lip hard as you humped him. He loved the feeling of watching you riding him. He felt a unique warmth running through his body.

But he was tired; speed and strength were not enough for him. He made you lie down in that pool of blood, put his hands under your knees and bent your legs towards your breasts. He entered you with a precise thrust, as if he knew just the right spot to hit you, and your loud moaning let him know that was exactly where he needed to thrust. So with almost animal speed he resumed his thrusts inside you. He put your legs on his shoulders while he held your neck tightly with one hand and played with your clit quickly with the other. It drove you crazy. Your moans were now as uncontrollable as the times Hyunjin had cried out in pleasure. «Fuck Princess, how good you take me. Your pussy is perfect for me, so ,warm. You fucking hold me so well, you little whore,» he growled. You couldn't help but moan loudly at those words. You couldn't speak, every time you tried to say something the words died in your throat.

«I'm... coming... fucking H... Hyunjin for fuck's sake! Ther...e yeah!» you moaned one last time before tightening your warm walls around his cock. «Fuck I'm about to come too, squeeze me so fucking tight.» And he, now at the top of his lungs, poured hot streams into you, filling you. But he didn't come out; he decided to tear himself all over you as he filled you, letting his cum drip out of your cunt.

You stroked his long wet hair as he kissed your breasts. «You are mine forever, just know that,» he whispered, biting you. You giggled. «I wasn't planning on looking for anyone else after you, Hyunjin,» he smiled, then looked at you and licked a drop of blood that had fallen from your shoulder.

«I like you covered in blood.»

TAGLIST 🎀 : @gloomy-k @raindropsondragons @linocvp1d @iiamthedramaa @snowyquokka @pynchkilledme @y4kie @ihrtlix @sugarsweetsugarsweet @rylea08 @skzswife @hyunjinhoexxx @hyunjinnie2000 @boi-bi-ahaha @nanamongmong @yongbokkiesworld @hyunjinnnsgirl @reader1221

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[thelov3lybookworm]

You Think I Wanted This (part 4)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: Breakfast was never this tense

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: aight so i didnt know that Alic was supposed to be dead, and that Halden was the living brother, so now please pretend i never mentioned alic and that the brother had always been halden in this series �� i will be going back to change the previous parts and editing alic to halden to prevent any confusions, but im sorry for and confusion now hehe

anyways, enjoy!

Breakfast was always a quiet and quick ordeal in the royal family.

The day after Y/n's wedding, it was also tense.

Her father seemed oblivious as he scraped up his eggs with his fork and chewed, his focus solely on the reports his second in charge had handed him the moment he sat down. He did not pay much mind to anything other than those papers, and Y/n was grateful for it as she drowned in the fury radiating off of her brothers and husband.

Directly opposite her sat Halden, glaring holes into his plate and occasionally sparing Xaden a glance filled with murderous intent.

Cam was no better from where he was stabbing his sausage with his knife as if it had committed a personal crime against him. His shoulders were almost touching his ears from how tensed they were, his jaw clenched as he kept his stare fixed on Xaden, warning in his eyes.

Y/n sighed lowly, looking at Xaden from the corner of her eyes. He looked... constipated, if she put it nicely.

Before she could formulate another thought, her father's chair scraped against the ground, and she shot up, along with her brothers, as was expected.

Xaden though, he had a death wish. He remained seated, even as the king turned to glare at him. It wasn't until Y/n tapped his arm that he followed suit, albeit very slowly.

The king's eyes were glazed in ice, steam practically coming out of his ears at the blatant disrespect, that too in front of so many guards.

"Y/n. Your husband needs to have some lessons in manners for the royal family, doesn't he?"

Y/n bowed her head.

"Yes, father."

"Make sure something like this doesn't happen again."

"Yes, father."

He left then, and Y/n finally let go of the breath she was holding.

"Fucking bastard." Y/n's head snapped up at Cam's use of the words, her jaw hanging open.

Royal children did not curse. That was an unspoken rule in the family.

Cam cursing would have been punishable had their father heard.

Y/n had no time to do anything but watch as Cam rounded the long table, coming face to face with Xaden as he sneered.

"You will learn, Riorson, because if my father loses his temper on my sister, you will be the one to suffer. You hear that?"

Xaden said nothing, and Y/n turned her body so she could jump in if Cam decided Xaden was not worth warnings and words. Halden had the audacity to sit back down and continue eating, amusement shining in his eyes as he witnessed the scene in front of him.

Y/n shot him a look of betrayal, and all he did was shrug.

"Back off, Aaric." Y/n's eyes shot back to the two men, still going at it.

Cam didn't move for a long moment, the tension in the room becoming suffocating.

But then a muscle ticked in Xaden's jaw, and Cam finally stepped away, smirking.

Xaden stalked away, bumping his shoulder into Cam's, who chuckled. Like this was the most amusing thing in the world.

As Y/n remained standing, watching Xaden walk out the doors, Cam took the seat next to Y/n, seemingly unfazed by Y/n's glare.

"Halden, pass me some juice. I need to refresh my energy."

Y/n sighed, settling down onto her chair.

"You two need to calm down. He is pissed as it is. You are not helping."

They seemed to have gone deaf, for they did not respond or even pretend to have heard her.

"Aaric?"

Cam choked on his drink.

"Um, yeah. I got myself a new name so no one would recognise me in the quadrant."

Halden snorted, shaking his head. "And you couldn't find any better name? You do love to copy everything about Alic, don't you?"

"Die."

Y/n rubbed her brows, deciding to leave the two fools that were her brothers to their bickering and to go find Xaden to see if he was in the mood to bring down the castle. She didn't know much about him yet, but if she knew anything about men, it was that they had overinflated, fragile egos. And Xaden's ego was surely hurt by what happened, and it would be better to calm him down before he lost whatever he had in that skull.

She didn't want anymore drama than she already had to handle, and add to that his upset... butt.

No, she was quite fine with how things were already going. She didn't need them becoming worse.

That, and she wasn't as heartless as she pretended to be. She did care about keeping everyone happy, even when she was unwilling to.

So that meant checking up on her ugly husband, even if she just wished for him to return and stew with his dragon.

Y/n wished she had just sat her backside down and listened to her brothers bicker, because the alternative was not really something she wished to have seen.

There, in the hallway leading up to her own chambers, empty of guards, stood Xaden.

And Violet Sorrengail.

Y/n simply blinked, taking in the sight she had unfortunately stumbled upon.

Interesting. That was the only way she could describe the scene.

The two of them were standing next to the two opposite walls, only a few feet between them, though they seemed to wish to erase the distance, with the way Violet was leaning forward, desperation seeping from every pore of her being.

Xaden looked like a huge hand had slapped him onto the wall like a ball of dough, his head resting back, his eyes closed as Violet screamed at him.

"Are you even listening to me Xaden?"

"Violence, please. Don't make it harder than it already is."

"Fine. I'll leave you alone."

Y/n's eyebrows rose.

"Vi-"

"Trouble in paradise?"

Both their heads snapped to Y/n as she strode towards her room from right between them, fixing her tiara.

"No. We were just talking about how we'll manage our schedules because of our bonded dragons."

Y/n hummed, glancing once at Xaden with one brow raised. "Just make sure you discuss about your schedules in private, because being found screaming in the palace hallways is the easiest way to bring yourself in the line of the king's attention. You don't want to be found talking, especially when our marriage is based on your separation."

She turned to give Violet a look, who turned away, holding her head.

Then Y/n continued on, towards her chambers where her academic work was still pending.

That was all that mattered, really. Her studies.

That was the only way she could stop thinking about anything, really. It brought her peace and calm, even if she hadn't wanted to be a healer.

The day was only starting, and she already had to try to drown herself in studies to keep her headache at bay.

How fun.

Fourth Wing Taglist: @byyalady @gardenofrunar

Xaden Taglist: @sidrapotter @anniiittttaa @pirana10 @harrystylesfan2686 @artists-ally @riddlesb1tch @thebeautifulmysteriesoflife @bubybubsters

YTIWT Taglist: @thebeautifulmysteriesoflife @wallacewillow0773638

[im-just-a-bug]

Finished In Stars and Time last night and want to put down my thoughts bc that was nuts. Spoilers ahead v

Theres still much I havent seen, and ive only gotten one ending but man this game blew me away. Here are some things i loved about this game.

Timeloops are such a common plot device, a way to help the mc level up for the big bad, and the way they flipped that narrative on its head! The instant shift from "this is a gift to help me!" To "who did I think I was, how stupid," is so satisfying.

The music, at the end, terrified me. That first time Headmaiden broke down, and the music glitched and deteriorated, i realized oh. Oh fuck this is a kind of horror game isn't it. I wasnt wrong.

The changes in character art!!

The subtle things; the mirror never catches you by surprise again. Your battle sprite looks bored. You stop making silly noises at the birds.

That moment in act 3 where everything is finally going right, your companions love you and youve never felt more content, and Siffrin wins and gets to the end and they loop anyway. The way that the first time his party notices anything wrong is when he is completley and utterly heartbroken, the way they run to him. And he wakes up in the meadow, to allies that don't love him anymore. Who have no idea what hes going through. Who aren't grateful. And love didnt win the game so they go searching for answers and it makes sense but it makes everything worse.

You talk to King, and for a second you think everything might work out because stranger things have happened. And after a whole game of Bonnie being safe, Bonnie running away. Bonnie never being in any real danger. King picks them up and crushes them in front of you to 'teach you a lesson.' And the terror on Sifs face the next loop they reach the King startled me deeply, and reminded me that this game is a god damn masterpiece.

The way this game sets you up to stop caring about how you treat others, only to give you a real ending after what was essentially the WORST loop youve ever had?? Incredible. Siffrin doing everything he can to manipulate his way to the end, even if everyone hates him bc hes just so desperate. There's no point being nice, there's no point pretending in the end, bc he hopes there won't be another loop but in their heart they Know there will be, so what's the point? And he fumbles every interaction, makes every one of his friends hate his guts, and then has to fight the King alone. And then they save him anyway. They follow him and pick him up at the end (which cinematically is a God damn masterpiece all on its own God DAMN) and you figure out the whole time Siffrin was looping not bc the country fumbled a Wish, but because he didn't want his friends to go. He wanted to stay with them so badly he wished for it on accident, and the universe listened.

I haven't even gotten into how in awe I was, putting together the little puzzle pieces of Sifs backstory, of his island. Even in act 1 I was squinting my eyes. Several mentions of a whole island wiped from existence no one can remember? A protagonist with severe memory issues and no connection to or knowledge of any culture left? God I love this game.

And Loop. I didnt learn Loops story on my playthrough, but i looked into it and man. Its so incredibly neat that you have this character, this other siffrin, who went through these loops so many times they got desperate enough to make a whole NEW wish, unspecified and uncaring, just wanting something to change. Wanting help. And got shoved into our Siffrins reality instead, because wishes never work how you want them to. Finding their star room and their journal and trinkets and lore was so incredibly cool!! Though im confused why the journal says they made a cooy of themself, but their battle dialogue says they got shoved into a different reality. Idk, but it's still cool. And their anger, that someone else got their happy ending? Fucking mwah.

These characters are so complex and interesting and a day later im still in awe about it. There are so many parts of this game i havent even mentioned here that are like a punch in the face. So many little interactions, so many art shifts.

I loved this game deeply, and the only thing stopping me from playing more is guilt at taking away that ending. When a game makes u care about the characters that much, you know its a great game.

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

ISU released an article about Shoma

Two-time ISU World Champion and three-time Olympic medalist Shoma Uno of Japan has announced his retirement from competitive skating after a long and distinguished career and is ready to open a new chapter in his life.

“I have decided to retire from active competition,” Uno wrote on Instagram. “I am very grateful to have been able to continue skating for 21 years since I was 5 years old, and to have had a wonderful athletic life.”

The Japanese star will talk in more detail about his retirement and future plans in a press conference scheduled for May 14.

The 26-year-old looks back at a career with many highlights and also difficult times, but he always came back, proving his talent and showing resilience. When five-year-old Shoma went to the ice rink in his hometown of Nagoya with his father to have fun, he had no idea that he would become a World Champion, Olympic medalist and super star of the sport. He only knew that the enjoyed skating and kept coming back to the rink, taking lessons. He trained with Machiko Yamada, the coach of Japanese skating icon Midori Ito and also with Mihoko Higuchi for many years and worked his way up in the skating world.

Uno debuted in the ISU Junior Grand Prix in 2011 and was so tiny that he was unable to look over the boards. He won a few medals on the Junior circuit but his breakthrough came in what was his last Junior season in 2014/15 when he qualified for the first time for the ISU Junior Grand Prix Final where he claimed gold. Shoma went on to take the ISU World Junior title in 2015, in what was his fourth and final appearance at the event (climbing from 10th in 2012, 7th in 2013 and 5th in 2014).

Once at the senior level, Uno quickly became one of the top Skaters in the World. In his World debut in 2016 he placed 7th but then the next year won silver, his first of a total of four World medals. In his first Olympic Winter Games in 2018, Shoma skated off with the silver medal and returned on to the Olympic podium four years later, earning the bronze. In 2022 and 2023 Uno crowned himself ISU World Champion.

However, in between there was a time of struggle. In the 2019/20 season, for the first (and only) time in his career, Uno finished off the podium in the ISU Grand Prix Series. He had left his coaches since childhood and struggled with confidence.

“At first, to be honest, I was thinking about finishing my career,“ he said in an interview at Skate America 2021 about this time.

“I did not know how much longer I would keep going. But imaging the end (I thought) maybe I'll enjoy the rest of this career as an athlete.“

Uno started to work with two-time World Champion Stéphane Lambiel as his coach and choreographer in fall 2019 and soon came back strong. He grew as an athlete and a performer with beautiful programs that highlighted his versatility: “Turandot” (Free Skating 2017/18), “Great Spirit” (Short Program 2020/21), “Bolero” (Free Skating 2021/22) and “Spiegel im Spiegel” (Free Skating 2023/24) to name a few.

At the same time, the Japanese star always pushed the limits technically and made history by becoming the first Skater to perform a quadruple flip in competition in 2016.

“When I train and want to become better, it's not good for me to work on what I can already do. If I'm satisfied with just giving 80 per cent, I'm not good. The right training for me is to push my limits,” Uno said in an interview.

The Japanese Skater has an independent mind and a fun personality. He has a Youtube Channel where you can meet his three toy poodles Emma, Baron and Toro.

“When I am on the ice, I am totally focused on my sport, but when I'm off the ice, I am sure most people know I am just a lazy slacker, but I thought that would be a good way to show to the people how I am off the ice, but still this is Shoma Uno,” he explained.

When asked who inspires him the most, Shoma’s surprising answer was:

"Myself. Of course, I think I am inspired by many people and heard some good words from everyone, too, but in the end when you break it down, I do feel that it is myself that inspires me and sadly, I don't listen to anyone. Sometimes I listen, but mostly I go with my own mind,” he added.

For sure Uno will follow his own ideas in the years to come but you can certainly expect to see him gracing the ice in shows for a while.

[levisjinchuriki]

✧･ﾟ: levisjinchuriki’s masterlist :･ﾟ✧

last updated: september 2nd, 2024

ao3 account

series

cyber sex - eren jaeger

eren's favorite cam girl rewards him with some attention

insatiable - armin arlert

armin is inexperienced in every way. he’s never been on a date, had his first kiss, has never been touched… armin wants it to be with someone special. someone like you. 

insatiable: chapter two 

after accepting his request armin stresses all week trying to plan the perfect date for you

insatiable: chapter three {nsfw}

armin gets more than he anticipates when he invites you over to his apartment.

insatiable: chapter four  {nsfw}

armin is in desperate need of a distraction from his upcoming assignment. good thing you’re around to help him relax.

insatiable: chapter five {nsfw}

after you attend sunday service with armin you give him some service of your own

insatiable: chapter six {nsfw}

armin can’t pleasure himself as well as you can

insatiable: chapter seven {nsfw }

armin is sorry for being so busy during midterms week and wants to show you how grateful he is to you

insatiable: chapter eight {nsfw}

armin's innocence is slowly fading away. he can barely focus during bible study due to you corrupting his thoughts

insatiable: chapter nine {nsfw}

armin has his first wet dream

insatiable: chapter 10 {nsfw}

armin wants to make you feel good, too

forever yours: chapter 1

you and gojo have been separated for six months due to his troubles. you try to juggle co-parenting your young son and moving on, but gojo makes it obvious he’s not ready to give you up on your relationship yet

forever yours: chapter 2

satoru expresses his deep regret and desire to fix things, revealing his struggle with the thought of you moving on.

forever yours: chapter 3

seeing gojo show his true feelings only makes your decision harder

forever yours: chapter 4

you and gojo start to take small steps towards mending your relationship

forever yours: chapter 5

gojo invites you to your first outing together

forever yours: chapter 6

you’re faced with questions about your relationship while trying to celebrate haru’s birthday 

forever yours: chapter 7

you decide to linger at gojo's apartment after dropping haru off. your conversation during dinner makes the air between you shift

forever yours: chapter 8

gojo thinks you're ready to take the next steps together

one shots

pound me - levi ackerman {nsfw}

levi is a tender lover, but after a bad week you just want him to dominate you.

stay with me - levi ackerman

you, along with many others, are badly injured on the latest scout mission. levi tries to convince you and himself that you’ll be okay. 

enemies with benefits - levi ackerman {nsfw}

unresolved sexual tension between you and levi cause trouble in the workplace

headcanons, blurbs & drabbles

aot men at parties -  how the aot men act when they join you at a party (slighty nsfw)

how aot men kiss - request: im craving fluff tonight. can you write headcanons for how you think the aot men would kiss you? 

no nut november - request: how the aot men act when they aren't allowed to have you (nsfw)

what kind of lover they are - how the aot men are in bed and their kinks (nsfw)

jealous- they teach you a lesson after you flirt with someone else (includes nsfw audio)

 .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧ .  .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧ .  .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧ .  .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧ . .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　

[honey-minded-hivemind]

GAAAAAHH, Your so good man! While writing for Hank, I drabbled a little with how reader feels/felt?

Now, Reader didn't feel unloved of course, they loved the platonic yan adults and the teens/kids very much! But... they couldn't help that they didn't feel unconditionally cared for, the fact that they weren't actually related to them (Im shooting for that being what reader truly believed) always burned in the back of their mind, they felt the others had every right to turn them away if reader sought out that family bond from them, because they weren't really family, so why would they need to reach out to reader in that way? Reader knew they were loved, but that didn't change or get rid of the the pain, or the guilt they felt for not being grateful for the relationship/s they did have with everyone, they should be satisfied with the love they have, but they aren't, there's a part of reader that wants a kind of affection they truly believe they don't deserve.

So if Reader were related to Hank/Beast? The world is going to see a whole new side of him, a part of him that's merciless, because someone has been taken from them, and that can't go without punishment. He would be so so angry with himself, for never seeing that his kid was there with them the whole time, no one knew, and now reader and the others were gone, and nothing could change that. Then learning about how reader felt, something in him snapped, and he would do anything to make sure the future was a better one... even if the kids were the price they payed.

Dude you've got to let me know if I need to slow down, anyways, love ya!

🐑 Anon

Holy mole... That is a good take on a passage Reader would write, 🐑 Anon! They wouldn't have many notes written, or too much, but what they do have is hidden, all put in the same box and tucked away in a closet or under the bed or hidden behind books or beneath a floorboard. The notes have various dates, sometimes a few days apart, sometimes several months, even a year or so, but it details how Reader truly feels... And it's not great. They felt less than the others. Like they weren't worth as much. If anything happened to Reader, it wouldn't hold as many consequences, but it would break the others if something happened to another kid or adult, so they'd do everything they could to keep them alive. It portrays their fears, of abandonment, of hatred, of being cast out if they overstepped a boundary. It shows small portraits they've made of the others, or small notes on what to get them, what they like, the best ways to cheer them up...

It's heartbreaking, for the adult platonic yans to read through them, seeing how Reader tried so hard to please them and make them happy and keep everything together... And it's even worse when one of them is their parent. One they never knew about, one they'd never have a relationship with... and one who would never be able to form that bond with Reader.

If Hank was there parent... He's a sweet person. He's patient, he's good with kids, he's helpful and kind and caring... After this... He gets a bit darker. He still loves the kids and his friends, don't get him wrong! But... he misses the ones who are gone. The ones they couldn't save. And he spends hours, perfecting medicines and devices to help keep the others healthy and safe and to get rid of any... unnecessary individuals. What happened will not happen again. Not if he has any say in it. This tragedy... it will not be in vain. They learned their lesson. They cannot let others hurt them, or their children, or others like them. If they can't choose peace and acceptance freely, then they will accept it forcefully. And my oh my, the ideas he has to help keep the order amongst the people... Nothing violent, no. But perhaps something that... inclines them to make certain choices. To act a certain way, or to think a certain thought... And all the ways it can be administered. Medicines, drugs, perhaps a few small chips or trackers, to better keep an eye on every individual, especially the ones who are rather... outspoken...

It isn't easy, trying to move on. Trying to keep this new peace. Trying to right a wrong that has nothing they can right.

He had a child.

Now he does not.

Neither one of then knew the other was there, within reach, and now neither of them will be able to have the other as family. It hurts, deep down inside, worse than when his mutation further manifested, worse than being cooped up inside the mansion for a few months, worse than any accident in his lab. Those could be managed; handled; dealt with; healed. This... this wound won't heal. And while he is thankful for the others who are still there... he truly misses those who aren't.

Perhaps this path is dark, full of sorrow and doubt, but all they can do is make the best of it. The woods of paradise may be lovely, dark and deep, but he has promises to keep, and miles to go before he sleeps... (miles to go before he sleeps...)

(We have Erik and Hank down; that leaves The Professor, Storm, Wolverine, Sabretooth, and Mystique, as possible parents to Reader, that we can explore before anything is made canon to the au!)

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi again! Thank you for answering!

I actually did some research on stereotypes and read your lesson before asking you (found it amazingly helpful btw), so i was aware of some stereotypes while writing her character.

The Strong Black Woman was the one that caught my eye, because i really tried to make strong female characters in my story. Im very grateful because now it is a constant reminder i have in my head to not just make my characters and characters of colour strong, but also human and remember that they are kids, especially the character i asked about. (Thank you so much for that lesson it is just amazing 😭😭😭 and i believe i have also learned many things)

I also know about the adultification of black children but i find that a bit more difficult to spot. I try to look for differences on how she and the white mc is treated, but to be honest, i think that all my child characters had to mature before their age thanks to *plot *, so it is not only the Black kid. I still try really really hard to not adultify her because i find that extremely unsettling and disgusting.

I think the mc becomes kind of protective and mother-y of her because she sees all the things she had in her childhood and the Black girl didnt, and she tries to "give" her that childhood. (it is a kind of found family trope)

Also the traumatic past was that she had two very loving parents who were murdered when she was really young. It is not brought up a lot, but it is revealed later that the reason was *plot * and the Black girl really struggles because of *plot * reason she thinks it is her fault but then she has this kind of revenge subplot to the murderers. (Note: nearly all my characters have or get trauma like this. Also please tell me if there is a problem with the guilt and the trauma because i have been thinking about it but i dont really see a problem and i would like your opinion :))

I cannot thank you enough for answering my asks and i am really sorry if i am bothering you! I am sure other people have told you this, i am so grateful for your blog and have learned a lot of things!

Try to watch for a little of the white savior in your white MCs treatment. As long as it's not like "oh she's risen her in a way no one else could" and more that she's just doting and sweet (i.e., that the relationship has been built via the writing to show that closeness between the two).

It all sounds good to me, besides that! Best of luck with your writing, remember to stay thoughtful and intentional, and you're very welcome 👍🏾

[mouwrites]

HI POOKIEE IM BACKK WITH ANOTHER SILLY IDEA😋😋😍(lets ignore the fact that all my requests have been ninjago related)

Basically hc's with the ninja who have a little sibling(the reader) and they have these like witch powers that they're trying to control. The ninja of that scenario try to help the reader with various training sessions, leading them to be a mentor for them. When the reader gets the hang of their powers the ninja are reminded of a memory of their childhood where the reader helped the ninja as children in a really dark time and the ninja see the training sessions as repayment for the readers help all those years ago.

THATS IT HOPEFULLY IT MADE SENSE!!! ANYWAYS BYE POOKIE HOPE YOURE DOING GREAT AND REMEMBER ILYYYY😘😘😘😍😍😍👻👻👻

YAY you’re back!! Always good to hear from u <33

Ninjago - Being the Ninjas’ Little Witch Sister

Zane

When you first ask him to train you, he’s a bit surprised

Of course he agrees though

He proves to be a very patient teacher, both with you and himself as you both continue to learn

He reads up on magic extensively to better know how to help you

He also frequently consults master Wu

If there’s something he doesn’t know, he’ll just tell you to do something else while he researches it

He doesn’t want you doing anything he isn’t able to predict/help you with

Both for your safety and for the sake of your surroundings

As you master concepts, he moves on to progressively harder ones until you’re a skilled witch

His meticulous teaching would have rubbed off on you, so you rarely make mistakes, doing things by the book

Or should I say grimoire?

One day, when he’s watching you perform a healing spell on an old man, he remembers the first time you used your powers

It was when Dr. Julien fell down the stairs

Zane remembers hearing him cry out in pain; the sound still haunts him to this day

He was terrified that his father was fatally wounded

But when he rushed to his side, you were already there, holding his wrinkled hands with yours, which were glowing

You had unintentionally used a healing spell

If you hadn’t, Dr. Julien might have actually been seriously hurt

Zane���s forever thankful for that, and this forever thankful for you

Kai

He’s stoked that you want him to teach you

He always thought your powers were cool, and he’s excited to test their limits with you

He always pushes you hard, which can get a little exhausting

Eventually he’ll ease up a little as he realizes that you need rest

If there’s something he doesn’t know, he encourages you to try it anyway

Meanwhile he’s hiding behind a metal shield in the corner

You learn through experimentation, which leads to many, many failures

But Kai never stops encouraging you to keep trying, and eventually you master your powers

You start joining the ninjas on missions, and one time you used a spell that knocked an entire posse of attackers on their backs

Kai stared at you with wide eyes, flashing back to the time you used a similar spell

It was back at the blacksmith shop; a particularly obnoxious customer was insisting that he “test” a sword

He ended up snatching it and running at Nya with the clear intention of nabbing her

It was then that you used the spell, downing the assailant

Kai had stared at you with the same wide eyes back then

But now he smiled, feeling grateful that you were always there to help protect those closest to you

Jay

Much like Kai, he’s more than thrilled to mentor you

Most of his teaching consists of him insisting you try things he’s seen in movies and comics

Which makes lessons fun, but disappointing at times when you can’t figure things out

In his excitement sometimes he’ll insist you try your spells on him

This has led to the both of you getting hurt many times

Yet neither of you seem to learn your lesson

He’s quick in getting you out on the field

He wants you to be able to test more dangerous things, and he sees the battlefield as the perfect spot to do so

So he’ll take you along on missions pretty early on, making sure you stick to his side so he can protect you

But when your moment comes, he yanks you forward and pushes you towards the enemy like a rag doll

The slight panic this induces in you amplifies your spells

Once you used a spell that released a bright flash of light at the enemy, blinding them

Jay recognizes the spell

It was much smaller at the time, but you had used it when you were both kids

The power was out at the junkyard, and you were both alone while Ed and Edna went to fix the fuse

Jay was terrified in the dark; he was literally about to have a panic attack when your little cupped hands summoned a ball of light

Mesmerized, he forgot his panic, instead smiling hugely at you

He claps you on the back when he remembers that moment, silently beaming with pride at all the progress you’ve made

Cole

He thinks being a magic mentor sounds pretty cool, so of course he agrees when you ask for some lessons

He’s a really chill teacher; almost to an annoying extent

If there’s something he doesn’t know, he just shrugs and asks what you think

(Which happens more often than you’d like)

He won’t encourage you to try more dangerous things until you’re ready though

He always reminds you to be careful and not overwork yourself

Progress is slow, partly because you’re pretty much guiding your own training

He’s just there to support you

Eventually he decides that you’re ready for some real action

Well. Long story short you ended up falling off a cliff with him

But you used a spell that froze you midair right before you hit the ground

You both planted your feet safely on the ground, quaking from the adrenaline

Cole is reminded of a strikingly similar moment from your childhood

You were rehearsing a dance routine on stage

He wasn’t paying attention, and he ended up twirling right off the stage

But luckily you were there, and you froze him in the air when his face was mere inches from the floor

He had hugged and thanked you profusely that day, and he did the same now, lifting you off your shaky feet and kissing your cheek endlessly

Lloyd

He has some experience with magic, but not enough to make him a very competent teacher

He’s humble when he teaches you, always admitting when he isn’t sure

He’ll go with you to find out more when there’s something he doesn’t know

You always learn together :)

He makes sure you don’t push yourself too hard; he knows what that’s like, and it isn’t fun

So your training is a little slow but very steady

He lets you decide when you’re ready to go on missions

He trusts you to know your own capabilities, so if you think you can hold your own, then you can hold your own

That doesn’t mean he’s any less impressed when you turn your opponent into a ferret

He remembers when you pulled a similar move several years ago

You were both cornered by bullies, with Lloyd in front, trying to protect you

Suddenly you pushed past him, pointing your finger at the main culprit and turning him into a mouse

The effect only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough for you both to get away

Lloyd laughed aloud at the memory, ruffling your hair proudly

Nya

At first she readily agrees to help train you

But as time progresses, it becomes obvious how incompetent you both are in magical knowledge

She knows a bit, but not nearly enough to coach a fledgling witch

She gets almost as frustrated as you when you try and fail to learn spells

But she calls on her knowledge from her own training, and she realizes that first she needs to fix your attitudes

So you both adopt a more “go with the flow”-esque style, and the spells start clicking

You both glow with excitement at each new mastered concept

High fives all around!! :D

She’s eager to get you on the battlefield; she knows how much it sucks to have to wait

You come to a massive gorge on your first mission, one too big to jump across

You use your magic to create a bridge, allowing everyone to cross safely

As she crosses, Nya recalls seeing a similar miracle performed by you in the past

You had both gone out to pick flowers in the woods

There was a flash flood while you were out, and the little creek you had to cross to get home had become a raging cascade of impassable muddy water

But you had used your little bridge spell, and you both made it safely home

Nya remembers that day fondly, and takes much pride in knowing how far you’ve come since then

Thank you for your request my love!! And thanks for reading, take care little squirrels <33

(divider by saradika)

[sunarins]

im feeling so emotional about haikyuu again tonight. just thought about how it was my first anime as a teen (not counting watching the random late night screenings of naruto shipudden on tv as a 7 year old) and then discovering more animes till it was pushed to the back of my mind, and now to present day where i've discovered it again and it's just as glorious as the day i started it and fell in love with it even harder. haikyuu has so many life lessons and impactful moments in both manga and anime and i'll forever be grateful to furudate sensei. thank you for sharing this with all of us and letting it be our forever comfort ♡ falling in love all over again with a fixation that you fell out of touch with momentarily is the most wonderful thing to experience

[wrongcaitlyn]

Ok so you’ve mentioned that you think about this tyt universe a lot, and I know as writer that once you fall in love with a world you created, you see it a lot in like your everyday life😭. So feel free to use this little ask as like an opportunity to dump any extra info that you’ve thought of but is too insignificant too put in the story :) Love your work💟

i've had this sitting in my inbox for a few days now but i want you to know that when i first received this ask i literally sent it to my friend and said "i think i just received the sweetest ask ever" because😭😭 THIS IS SO SWEET AND IM SO SO GRATEFUL BECAUSE LITERALLY YES. YOU'RE SO RIGHT. I SEE TYT EVERYWHERE😭😭

unfortunately when i then went to frantically type a response, it became like that case where you're asked to share a fun fact about yourself, but then promptly forget every interesting detail about yourself. and so i couldn't figure out what to say - so i decided to just create a draft and hopefully let the ideas come to me naturally, so that's why this is such a late response!!

i'm not sure if i've shared this already but i used to be heavily obsessed with the idea of nico performing at the reputation tour as a surprise guest

also just generally his friendships with any irl celebrities

kayla always "invites" nico to concerts (which nico goes to because he will literally go to any concert if asked), but it's really just because there's a possible chance of being pulled backstage and meeting the artist with a famous singer next to her (nico is fully aware of this) but also bc nico's a rlly fun concert buddy

kayla out of the apollo household is the most up to date with any sort of pop culture, which is a bit ironic seeing as she's one of the two who have absolutely nothing to do with the music industry

nico braiding hair is one of my absolute favvvv hc's, and i was able to fit it in with kayla during one of the greatest of luxuries chapters, but he 100% also braids the hair of the girls in his crew (if they want it), and kayla ofc, and piper sometimes - he used to braid bianca's hair and bianca used to braid his (until she died, at which nico started to braid his own hair because he liked it out of his face and it became like second nature to quickly put it in a braid - at least until he cut it off lmao)

^^ and this is very cute bc i imagine that darren did lots of braids for kayla (girl dad darren my heart) when she was like practicing archery and stuff (and this was when she had longer hair, i imagine she cut a good chunk of it off in middle school and continued to cut it a bit shorter every year since then), and so when kayla moved in with apollo, he watched so many youtube tutorials to try and get it right until nico walked in on an attempt at making two french braids and was like "uh, want some help with that?" and cue a braiding lesson for apollo. apollo knows how to braid hair now (even though kayla doesn't need it as much seeing as her hair is so short), but she still has nico do it a lot of the time (brother sister bonding my heart THEY'RE SIBLINGS YOUR HONOR)

there is a picture somewhere of little will leo and nico at the T party (backstage meet and greet) of the speak now world tour with speak now era taylor. will never did realize until like college that apollo had reached out ahead of time to make sure he was chosen for a meet and greet (fun fact, sn world tour had an la date on aug 23) on his birthday, and thought that andrea had just chosen him randomly

bryce lawrence is out there somewhere fuming at nico's success and will attempt to make hate pages to discredit him but will never succeed

octavian is also fuming but he has no idea why this nico guy seems to hate him sm

related to hate comments, i was just texting @wronghuntress about this the other day (no but srsly she knows literally everything about this au i send her at least five rants a day in relation to itKSDJF) but nico 100% responds to hate comments as if he's also a hater. his self-hatred is the biggest joke in the fandom.

some hater: "he can't sing"

nico: "ikr"

but somehow the hate makes him realize how stupid his past self-criticism has been and actually helps him... become more confident in himself?? what???

will is incredibly confused bc that's what he's been trying to convince nico of for years and you're telling him HATE COMMENTS DID IT???

okay i feel like i still have so much to add so you know what, i'm gonna keep this as an open door to ramble abt anything whenever i like just by reblogging this post. so i will probably add a lot more as time goes on and i can remember more little tidbits of lore that i want to add on!! but thank you SO much for the ask you have no idea how much this made my day <33

[atomicengineerdetective]

Just finished watching it. I have so many thoughts and feelings but at least for now I just can't put them into words.

I am usually a talker so Imagine just how Important these channels were to me to leave me completely speechless.

Theres just nothing I can say just thank you. Thank you so much, MatPat.

He Taught me so much over the years, not just Science facts related to the theorise but to ask myself questions, think outside the box, embrace my interests unabashedly. He even used his last video to teach us life lessons and inspire us further. And you best believe 'Im taking those lessons to heart cause I trust. He was right, I've been trusting him for years and I'm so glad I did because He has been a good role model.

Forever grateful, So Long Matt.

[ghostlyfeelings]

april

chronic feeling of emptiness. the little black cloud that rains suicidal ideation all around was very persistent. didn't tell anyone. didn't see a point in much of anything. felt exhausted by everything. tried to be vulnerable with someone who i still have love for. got a lesson in history repeating. went no contact again. cried so hard i threw up. crawled into bed and stayed for awhile. decided it's true attachment is the root of suffering so i detached from my entire life. watch myself in a haze day to day. became slightly worried about my health. the dizziness from standing. legs shaking. can't do anything with precision. put my big girl pants on and went to the doctor. blood work. ekg. felt vulnerable laying on a bed topless under florescent lights. felt my heart slowing down just to speed up. wondered if this is what i wanted for myself. a life conduced to hospital visits. wondered if it mattered if i wanted a life at all. results were inconclusive. was reminded that im loved by simple actions of my best friend. remembered that it still exists even if i don't think it at the time. had an ever-growing gratefulness for her. thought of all the times she's picked me up off the floor of my mind. helped fix a heart she didn't break. went out to a bar for the first time in a really long while with her. was proud of myself for going despite not originally wanting to. ended up having a lot of fun. made it a personal goal to try and get outside my comfort zone more often. still found myself sprawled in my bed like an anchor to my body. didn't find any benefits from increasing my meds. at times saw brief visual hallucinations. had many mornings where repressed memories would hit like a freight train as soon as my eyes opened. thought a lot about people who are no longer in my life. sometimes felt sadness about it and other times still felt bitter. showed up to celebrate two peoples love. went home feeling alone and acutely aware of the fact that i am going nowhere. pinched the fat on my arm so much it's become a bad habit. thought a lot about what i have to do. couldn't do any of it. surpringly mondays became my favourite. it's the only day of the week that i feel somewhat human.

[ahaura]

.

tw /////////

the end of march/the beginning of april means it's that time of year again... just wanna make a small post to commemorate it for myself

around this time of year, 7 years ago, i attempted suicide. i spent my entire adolescence thinking that i would not live to see 18. i was miserable and in pain for so many years and didn't think there was a way out. i am now 24 years old and i can say now, with respect to where i am and where i've been, that i am glad to have made it this far. im glad i am alive. things may not be perfect all the time and it can get hard sometimes, but i am so thankful to not be in that same place i was as a teenager, and that i will never have to go back. i am so incredibly grateful to the people in my life who make up the patchwork of my day to day, be it in small or big ways. i am eternally grateful and full of love for the friends i've made and the wonderful people i've met and talked to. im grateful for being able to see snowfall in april and friends laughing and my cats snoring and everything in between. surviving was a lot like starting over, and it can be difficult sometimes, but the lesson i learn over and over is the same: the way out is through. love is the point. up and over.

i have healed and changed for the better in ways that my younger self could not have thought possible. i am much healthier and much closer to happiness than i ever was. & i may get scared sometimes but i know that i am not alone and surviving was and continues to be worth it. & i could not have the life i have now without everyone who has been there for me and with me, past and present, in every way, in passing and in present.i have much farther to go but i know it will be worth it.

to echo the words of wendy cope...

"i love you. i'm glad i exist."

<3

[wintersnowz]

☆ hi ! you can call me carmilla/milla

i use she/he/they pronouns, i’m lesbian and i’m 18.

❧ tc section . .

C♡♡♡♡

she's 46 and i met her this year. she's literally the love of my life fr like i cannot find the words to even describe how much i love her, the moment i met her i knew she would be so important to me. she doesn’t teach my subjects but i see her everyday that im at school she’s so kind and funny and very motherly and im deeply in love with her🤗 she has such contagious good energy like she’s so comforting and like energetic and super giddy!! literally will skip around when excited.. cutie pie.. i’m just immediately in a good mood when i’m around her:( she gives me so many pet names which i loveeee!!! she's also the only tc i have that i know is gay (yipeee!) also the only one in a relationship (sobs) she's sooo beloved i was down bad the second i met her like i feel so safe and comfortable around her and just want to be with her all the time, i love her so so much…

other tcs:

E ♡

tc from my hometown. i haven’t seen her in years and i miss her dearly. she was my first intense tc and she was genuinely to kind and playful with me. i know a lot of classmates didn’t like her because of her authority but that’s always been one of my favourite things about her. she always helped me when i needed and was there for me when no one else was im truly grateful to her and hope to be able to see her next time i go visit my hometown..i love her:(

iris♡

she's 36, i've known her for 3 years and i see her once a week. she has the most beautiful singing voice i'm always in awe of her. i've cried a couple times in our lessons and she always asks if i want a hug and will listen to what's wrong and tries her best to give advice and make me feel better:>

G

not a teacher but she’s one of the counsellors at my school school (not mine though) and when i pass her office i say hello and we chat! she’s so cute and attractive omgg and she always seems so excited to talk even though we don’t get to do it much :(

L

51, ex tc? but also not really… i loved her so much and was attached to her for a bit more than a year but recently i thought id gotten over her.. but actually maybe not.. like there’s still a want in me for her to like me and want me if that makes sense? and i still get giddy about her sometimes but i also don’t think of her that much.. mmh it’s complicated.

i got attached to all of them the moment i met them, love at first sight fr fr 🤞🏻i also will not be saying what they teach cause i don't want to share too much:) (i'm already scared that someone will figure out who i am etc so😭)

the lessons i have with L and iris are separate from school so if i talk about them being at my place that’s because that’s where our lessons take place:)

[musingsbylucia]

Im reaching the end of my twenties… time to be vulnerable.

I’m 29.. I am approaching 30 and it’s a thing. Not a big thing but a transformation of sorts. 

Thinking about Turning thirty and what that means and what it doesn’t mean has given me the opportunity to take the time to do a lot of inner reflection. To look back on my life and all of the lessons that I have learned. To think about how many challenges I have faced and lived through. To see all of the things that I love about myself and all of the people that have been in my journey, those who I am so grateful for, those who I feel really just didn’t understand me, those who were unhealthy in my life.

Realizing that all of it has brought me to where I am today. I’ve also only really begun to understand that life keeps moving and the unknown can be really scary while also exciting …. because it means that things you haven’t even dreamed up yet could happen and they could actually be really great. 

My past is my past…. I don’t actually have to feel ashamed of it. My past does not define me. These expectations I have of myself actually come a-lot from society and insecurities that influenced me to feel like I have to reach all of these expectations to feel worthy. Now… hears the thing…  I can know that and tell myself that but … My body is a little behind my self awareness. 

. . . 

I don’t like feeling vulnerable. It’s makes me feel like I’ve just been completely analyzed inside and out. Making me want to run away, hide, and burrow under a blanket until I’ve fully calmed myself and licked all of my wounds. 

. . . 

Sharing makes you vulnerable.

Telling someone what you have experienced, realizing that your not alone…

maybe….. just maybe not all people are like that one person who really hurt your feelings that one time … realizing this can be disappointing to the part of you who wants to stay stuck.

Who wants to push everyone away.

Who wants to remain unseen, quiet, misunderstood… alone.

Alone in your suffering because if you stay there then no one else can use it against you.

No one can see that you are actually a whole person experiencing being a human who just needs to feel like it’s okay to process what they are feeling in a space free of judgement.

…  so here’s to life …

I’m leaving behind so much and I’m taking so much with me that I’m thankful for. Something’s I’m still working on. 

… 

My childhood…..

that’s a whole other story.

… right now what is coming up is…

I keep looking back and remembering the work that I’ve done to get where I am and how when I was younger I was really obsessed with how I looked and dressed because I thought that I needed to be really put together.. if I looked good on the outside then everything was okay and I could walk around without any vulnerabilities, any problems and no one would know i was anything except a shining star without flaws. 

Unrealistic obviously.. I’ve learned that I had to be that way to be where I am now. 

somehow I felt like my identity was determined by how I looked…. This was like early teens.

Misinformation. My self worth is not valued by how I look.  . . self talk. . .

My outer appearance is a direct look on my inner self so of course I want to look good because I want to feel good. 

Rebellion has definitely been a thing. Not wearing makeup, not wearing a bra, wearing whatever I want has been me taking my power back and sitting with the uncomfortable feelings of the still fleeting thoughts that someone is judging me by my appearance. 

Ehhh, I enjoy wearing what I want and wear what I want for me. And that’s okay. 

 Anyway The social pressures of being a kid and wanting to fit in were a real thing for me and I’m sure for other people.

Here’s to my teenage self… I made it.

. . .

I’ve lost people in my circle to suicide. 

I’ve lost grandparents who I cherished and a grandmother I never met.

I’ve lost friends and loved ones.

I’ve met mean girls, mean boys, rude adults, and broken humans who have challenged me. 

I’ve met myself.

faced my deepest fears.

not known the difference between reality and my mind showing me fears

. . .

I’ve checked my self into the hospital 

And been taken to the hospital.

Suffered from anxiety and depression.

Been to too many parties and drank way to much which led to being in situations that i really hate talking about. But it happened. I didn’t fully understand alcohol at the time. There were unprocessed grief, emotions, depression, and hidden things that I was coping with by using substances. :::Late Teens:::

I’ve struggled to keep jobs, find housing, find inspiration, find compassion, find time to feel like I can actually sit down and work on projects that I am passionate about because for the moment it’s okay to prioritize myself…. To find peace with my family, find peace with myself for not living up to the expectations that I think the people in my life have of me and also the expectations that I have created myself. 

I’ve Found ways to heal and cope by painting, hiking in nature, writing, sound healing, meditation, plant medicine. 

My twenties have been …. me on a journey back to myself. Learning about relationships… learning about what has shaped me and why I react the way I do in relationships…. Back to self awareness and finding coping methods to live life without continuing down a self destructive rabbit hole. 

To find the parts of me that I had forgotten about. To learn new things. To learn about what I really love and what is really important to me. 

I definitely am one of those people who sees their friends go off to college, get married, have children and a small part of me feels left behind because I haven’t done those things. But the Truth is 

My worth is not measured by my marriage status. My parent status, or even by my education.

I do think that education is important. I just don’t measure myself or others by their education. Your either a human with integrity or not. Educated or not.

Im okay with being the free-spirited, mystical artist who is on a journey of self love, wander love and finding the wild woman. 

My head is full of color, my heart is full of love and so is my life. 

I’m good with that. 

I’ve found loving and supportive human beings with open hearts.

A strength to keep moving forward.

The awareness that my past doesn’t define me.

That I’ve forgiven myself for the things that I was holding on to. 

I sang,

Painted,

Danced, 

Talked,

Prayed, 

Journaled journaled and journaled…

my way through my twenties.

. . .

Here’s to my younger self.

Here’s to my present self.

Here’s to my future self. 

I love them. 

Here’s to all the people who molded, shaped, loved, and taught me that there are good humans. 

Here’s to those who also showed me that the world has those who have tainted hearts. 

To my thirties

I will keep going, keep learning, growing, and follow my heart. 

I can be accountable for my mistakes and also be gentle With myself.

I can tell my self a better story that leaves blame and shame behind. 

Allowing myself to keep moving forward. 

Life will keep going forward and I will make more mistakes.

Because it’s okay if I haven’t figured everything out yet. It’s one step at a time. And I’m only just beginning. 

If anyone suffers from anxiety or depression..

Has lost people to suicide.

Struggled with addictions and alcohol.

Your not alone.

I feel like these three words are said a lot.

And that they need to keep being said.

Because you never know who needs to hear it. 

There are people out there that can help.

Art therapy is a real thing.. it works.

I hope you can find help if you want to

 …..  I know that you are strong.