#so many people will go to him to get “professional” pictures taken | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rolanpilled · 11 months ago

Text

Why I Fell In Love With Rolan, A Character Analysis

I will be going through Rolan's lines, along with the devnotes, to try and explain my interpretation of his character.

This is coming from having spent 30+ hours combing through his dialogues, reading all of his books, listening to every voice line for context, and replaying every scene of his that's currently accessible.

TW: Mentions of abuse, family death, implied suicide

Very long post under cut. Get the Arabellan Dry out!

A few notes before getting into this:

In the game files, Rolan is referred to as "Prodigy", while Cal and Lia are referred to as "ProdigyBrother" and "ProdigySister".

Rolan is a character whose outer words and inner thoughts often do not align - for most of the game, he refuses to show vulnerability in front of Tav, reserving his softness for his siblings. This can be interpreted in a number of ways, ranging from a self-confidence issue to an avoidant attachment style. Though people are free to have their own interpretations, I will mainly be focusing on my own readings of his personality.

I am not a psychologist or a licensed health professional, but I have personal experiences with the mental health disorders I will reference in this post, and I have done a lot of research on the topics involved.

Part 1 - Elturel, and Rolan's past

"Rolan. Just... Rolan."

There isn't much you can tell about Rolan's life except that he's from Elturel and that Cal and Lia are his siblings - after all, he doesn't give you much info in the first place. He doesn't know you, he doesn't trust you. Why would he?

The information you get about his family and his life before BG3 come from minor dialogues, and using Speak With Dead on his corpse. The picture they paint isn't a happy one.

[Player: What's your name?]

[Rolan: Rolan. Just... Rolan.]

[Player: Do you have any family?]

[Rolan: No... family... no one.]

[Player: No family? What about Lia and Cal?]

[Rolan: They are... brother and sister. Cal says... I am family, but...]

Rolan doesn't have a family name. We don't know if Lia and Cal do, but it can be assumed they don't, else he might have taken theirs. The first thing that sticks out to me in this dialogue is that he doesn't consider himself to have a family, even though Cal and Lia say he's part of theirs.

The question is, what could have caused this? If his blood family was simply dead, wouldn't he refer to them as "dead" or "gone"? Instead he says he has "no one" and "no family", perhaps implying that his parents just... abandoned him. Either way, it gives the impression that he has issues with being abandoned, and may project a sense of toughness and arrogance to make up for his insecurity.

And there IS insecurity here - he outright says that Cal and Lia tell him that he's no different from family to them, but deep down, he doesn't seem to be able to accept it. That he can only reveal this information to you after death, having been so guarded in life, is heartbreaking.

As for his life in Elturel, not much is said, but a lot can be inferred from his attitude.

[Cal: Elturel was the last time the three of us talked like this. Let's hope it lasts until Baldur's Gate.]

After leaving Elturel, it appears Rolan, Cal, and Lia didn't have much time to talk. This is from the party scene - a scene where they're drinking, laughing, and joking amongst each other. Clearly the journey hasn't been the easiest for all of them, though one thing we can take from this dialogue is that they've had this friendly, sibling-like relationship for a long time.

From what we know of Elturel and the Descent, things were NOT pretty down in Avernus. Many people died, and after the city was returned to the surface, tieflings were driven out of the city, as we all know. Something important to think about is how exactly this might have gone for the three siblings: how exactly they ended up in the Grove, travelling with the refugees. The context seems to imply that the siblings were travelling on their own, not necessarily considered a part of the group, but this is debatable and not entirely clear.

So what brought them to Baldur's Gate? What finally drove them out of the city? Did they leave before things got worse, or were they driven from their homes with stones and violence? It could really be anything, but the one thing that's clear is that their primary reason for heading to Baldur's Gate is for Rolan to start his apprenticeship with Lorroakan.

We know that Rolan wrote Lorroakan a letter: multiple letters, actually. We're not sure if he wrote to other wizards, but from his dialogue, you can tell that Lorroakan's been someone he's respected for a long time, both for his magical skills and his political beliefs. Though he's never met Lorroakan, you can find a copy of Lorroakan's biography on his desk at Sorcerous Sundries - there's an admiration established early on, and the player is led to believe that Lorroakan is a powerful wizard (though if you bring Gale with you, he comments on Lorroakan's shady reputation, hinting at something darker beneath the surface).

What could have driven Rolan to write so far away, seeking apprenticeship? Was it out of a sense of desperation, wanting to leave the city but needing a way to take care of his siblings? Was it curiosity? A sense that Lorroakan might be his last chance to make something of himself after being denied what he felt like was his rightful destiny? As a tiefling, he must have faced some discrimination for his heritage - I can speak to my own experience here, growing up as a person of color in a majority-white community was genuinely traumatizing to myself and my non-white friends. Not only do we receive open bullying and ostracization for our appearance, there's something even more insidious that often happens to minority populations - neglect. A general disinterest in our accomplishments, a lack of encouragement and attention towards kids that don't fit the norm. If this was something Rolan had to experience, it's no wonder he felt angry and eager to prove himself. He's been neglected his all his life, and he finally has a chance to show everyone who doubted him that he really does have the potential to be a great wizard.

Rolan himself appears to be in his mid- to late- twenties, bringing up the question of what he's been doing his entire life if not magic. It's mentioned that he was able to conjure a flaming cat from when Cal was as young as 8, so depending on the age difference between the siblings, Rolan might have known magic from a very early age. So why, then, is he a mere wizard apprentice at the start of the game? He's surely had a lot of time to learn himself.

[Lia: Try not to get too close, Cal.]

[Rolan: Yes. Remember what happened last time?]

[Cal: I was eight and you magicked up a kitten. How was I supposed to know it was made of fire?]

What could have happened along the way? He might have just not found the time or the opportunity to be able to study, especially as a tiefling without a family or the money to pay for an education. In my interpretation, Rolan carries a lot of unvoiced shame for not having been able to "fulfill his destiny" until now. He projects an outward mask of confidence and arrogance to hide his vulnerability, his insecurities - that his family isn't really his family, and that he isn't really destined for greatness. His natural reaction to vulnerability is anger and denial, which we'll explore more in the later sections.

(It is mentioned in the devnotes, though, that Rolan "has truly worked his ass off to get here". Prodigy is not an ironic title - he's likely had to self-study to the point where Lorroakan felt that he had potential. He has a right to be confident, but it doesn't negate any potential feelings of unworthiness.)

Additional info - Rolan, Cal, and Lia, on top of having known each other since Cal was 8, also share a mother figure, who is deceased. There is no mention of a father. It could be that this was Lia and Cal's actual mother, who took Rolan in, or a number of other possibilities - it could be that ROLAN'S mother took the three in, or that she just happened to be an unrelated woman who adopted three orphans.

[Cal: We should have a little party when we reach the city, like we did for mum.]

[Rolan: That 'little party' lasted from sundown to sunrise. Lia would like that.]

This dialogue can only be accessed if Lia dies but Cal and Rolan live.

So we've set up a few key details about Rolan's personality: his arrogance may harbor hints of insecurity or desperation, he has issues with feeling abandoned or neglected, and he's potentially been denied his chance to learn magic in the past. We will explore these in detail in the next few sections, along with another troubling tendency of his - perfectionism, and the self-blame that comes with it.

Part 2 - The Grove

"I'll not gamble our lives, our futures, for people who are as good as dead."

If you recall his dialogue in the grove, Rolan seems to distance himself from the other refugees, focusing only on the safety of his siblings. Let's unpack this in his own words -

[Rolan: This isn't Elturel and I'm not responsible for every damn tiefling in the world!]

[Rolan: I made no such oath, and I will not be held responsible for these people.]

This is in contrast to Lia, who believes that they should help what she considered to be their 'kin'. Remember that Rolan often refers to the refugees in a detached way, refusing to associate himself with them.

At a first glance, it might seem like Rolan is fixated on his apprenticeship - he wants to get to Baldur's Gate straight away, so he can begin studying under Lorroakan. Lia accuses him of the same, causing Rolan to react with anger.

But if you think about what Rolan's underlying motivations might be, you might have realized something that Cal and Lia most likely recognized too - he's worried for his siblings' safety.

The grove is an open, unprotected area, and they're being menaced by druids on one side, goblins on the other. There's only a few fighters, Rolan, Cal and Lia among them, and none of them are strong enough to take on either group. Even if Rolan feels a sort of kinship with the other tieflings - which I'll expand on in a second - he prioritizes the lives of his siblings over them, and doesn't want them to sacrifice themselves for people he doesn't even know.

Now, the other theory - what if Rolan doesn't identify with the other tieflings, because he's been cast out by them before?

I'm going to inject my personal experience as an immigrant here. Life as an immigrant can be profoundly isolating, especially if you have few relatives in the area. Rolan may have been so attached to Cal and Lia because they took him in when his own people rejected him - for some reason, even other tieflings could have seen him as an "outsider", and refused to help him when his parents abandoned him or died. If you tie in the theory that he was a tiefling born to human parents (which would be taboo), it could have been that they rejected him for not "being tiefling enough". I'm aware that in-universe there's no one unified "culture" of tieflings, but even in groups without a unified culture, there are still small pockets of people with certain internal customs. It could be that Rolan failed to fit in due to his heritage, that he was rejected for his personality, or some other reason, but my interpretation for his refusal to help fellow tieflings is that he never quite felt the same kinship for them that Cal and Lia did. It could also be that he holds resentment towards them for abandoning him - abandonment seems to be a central theme in Rolan's story, and likely contributes to his feelings of inferiority and unworthiness.

(He does seem to know Infernal, though I don't know whether that's a cultural thing or an innate trait to tieflings.)

If the fight is held at the grove, Rolan, Cal, and Lia stand near the back of the cave to protect the children. They can be found arguing with each other on potential battle positions. Afterwards, if the tieflings and all three of the siblings survive, they can be found by the entrance of the cave, where Rolan again behaves arrogantly towards you and claims he could have handled the goblins on his own.

All of this is quite standard for his character and projects the image of an arrogant, selfish person who only seeks to protect himself and the people that matter to him, which is likely what he wants. It also lends some credibility to the interpretation where he was rejected by other refugees - if he felt neutral towards other tieflings, it might have made more sense if he was less derisive towards them. Instead, he consistently detaches himself from his people, drawing clear lines between them, with a hint of bitterness that seems to have a painful origin.

The rest of Act 1 is Rolan acting like his standard self - bratty, arrogant, and dismissive of others. That is how most of us met him, though he won't stay that way for long.

Part 3 - Moonrise

"But what good am I if I can't do this... this one thing?"

(Author's note: "This one thing" is travelling alone through a cursed, necrotic land, breaking into a prison staffed with dozens of trained guards, and personally facing an immortal chosen of the literal god of death. Rolan is a Level 4 wizard.)

As you already know, at the start of Act 2 Rolan is drinking himself to death alone. His brother and sister have been dragged away screaming by the cultists, and he's overwhelmed at the thought of never seeing them again. Naturally, he's quite angry with you, but if you read his lines closely, you can see that you're not the only person he's angry at.

[Rolan: Gods damn it all. I can do nothing right - not a damn thing!] [Devnote: Furious - mainly with himself]

[Player: You're supposed to be at Last Light.]

[Rolan: I'm supposed to be saving Cal and Lia!] [Devnote: Frantic, worried for his siblings]

[Rolan: Instead, I found myself cornered by shadow-fiends and in need of rescue. From you, of all bloody people.] [Devnote: Pissed off and taking it out on the player]

[Player: You were trying to help your family - you're too hard on yourself.]

[Rolan: Or not hard enough.]

[Rolan: I've failed Cal and Lia, again. Be on your way - I'll return to Last Light... I know when I'm outmatched.]

Rolan is someone who feels deeply responsible for the safety of his siblings (this lends credence to the idea that he's the eldest of the three). He may argue and bicker with them, but he could never abandon then, nor could he forgive himself if something were to happen to them. He is clearly carrying an unbearable amount of grief and guilt for allowing his siblings to be captured, but he's so emotionally repressed that he chooses to bury his sorrow under a mound of anger. Being drunk doesn't help - it's mentioned by one of the kids, Ide, that he's been through three bottles of wine by the time the player reaches the Shadow-Cursed Lands.

That much is obvious just from reading his lines, but his angry reaction to the player is, as the devnotes say, a way of taking out his pain and frustration on other people. He might feel guilty about it later, but in the moment, it's the only way he knows how to cope with them. This isn't his only instance of externalizing his self-hatred.

If Cal dies and Lia lives, the player has the option to break up an argument between Lia and Rolan. If they fail to neutralize the situation, Rolan will tell Lia (or Cal, depending on who lives) to get out of his sight permanently.

[Rolan: You deserve nothing. You two are cowardly parasites, and I am disgusted it took me this long to see. Get out of my sight.] [Devnote: Furious in his grief, lashing out, being as hurtful as he can to his surviving sibling]

[Lia: Fuck you, Rolan!]

[Lia: Insufferable, arrogant little prick. Argh.]

[Lia: Everything is about him, everything is about his pain. Godsdamnit, Rolan!]

It says a lot to me that if one of his siblings dies, that he has to be convinced out of lashing out at his surviving one. He seems to be like a person who deals with strong emotions by lashing out, likely as a defense mechanism to make himself appear stronger than he feels. This is a common technique used by people with self-esteem issues - to avoid drawing attention to their own vulnerability, they lash out and externalize their feelings with anger to bury the grief. Lia says as much in this ending - to Rolan, everything is about his pain, and he's managing it in the only way he knows how. He knows he's hurting his siblings, he knows it's wrong, but he engages in it anyway, a common trait of people who dislike themselves. If Rolan didn't have his apprenticeship, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that the death of his siblings might have caused him to spiral and give up on life altogether.

Interestingly enough, in the end where both Rolan and one of his siblings die, it's implied that the remaining sibling commits suicide. You can read more about it here - it gives some insight into Rolan's motivations, and serves to emphasize exactly how much this apprenticeship means to him. Rolan lives for two things, though it really just is one thing - his siblings, and his apprenticeship, which means more to him because it represents a hopeful future for his siblings. Every clue in the game points to his siblings being everything to him.

But let's move away from this bad ending for one second, and back to where we are. Rolan's been drinking himself silly, yelling at children, and eventually storms out into the SCL by himself. Being an apprentice wizard, few expect him to survive on his own, and true to form, he has to be rescued by the player again.

Though I think this line is currently bugged and unavailable, he actually has lines reacting to the shadows.

[Rolan: My magic is not to be trifled with - leave or die!] [Devnote: Exhausted and scared, but trying not to sound it]

Rolan, emotionally repressed fool he is, is once again attempting to appear big in order to protect himself from what he fears. Whether it's the shadows, or the loss of his siblings, he reacts to stressful situations with a brave front, attempting to push people away so they won't see him at his worst state.

This is one of the common symptoms of an avoidant attachment disorder - an attachment style that causes people to push others away if they get too close, avoiding emotional closeness and being uncomfortable expressing vulnerability to others. I interpret Rolan as having this kind of attachment style, which is often formed from neglect or abuse as a child, resulting in a self-sufficient but emotionally cold person. It can lead to the breakdowns of close relationships, as evidenced by Rolan pushing away his surviving sibling (potentially in order to save himself the grief of having to go through their death again). People with this disorder often cut off people before they can be cut off, in order to save themselves the pain of being abandoned again.

Some recognize the negative impact of their behaviors more than most, and though Rolan never comments on it, it can be inferred that he feels some measure of guilt for the way he behaves. If convinced to lay off of his surviving sibling, he immediately apologizes, recognizing his mistake.

[Cal: Do you wish it was me who died? Instead of Lia?]

[Rolan: Gods no, that's not what I meant. Never, Cal. Never!] [Devnote: Realizes what he's just said. Backtracking, apologizing, sincere]

[Rolan: Shit. I'm sorry.] [Devnote: Disgusted with himself and what he's just said. Looking away, sincere apology]

[Cal: Me too.]

We can see here that Rolan IS capable of self-reflection and guilt - it just takes more than a nudge to get it out of him. He says as much if you manage to rescue both siblings, thanking you and apologizing for his behavior - not an empty apology, or made out of necessity, but a genuine, heartfelt admission of guilt and gratitude. This kind of mature response from him says a lot about his character, and hints at a capacity for further growth in Act 3.

As Cal says, Rolan can be stubborn, but he's never malicious. I see this as an indicator of the immense guilt he holds inside him - though he externalizes his rage towards anyone and everyone, deep down, the person he blames the most is himself.

Which leads me directly into a talk about perfectionism, one of Rolan's defining character traits.

Rolan, at his core, is a perfectionist. The feelings of failure for not being able to save his siblings, the arrogance that belies a certain type of self-hatred, and a willingness to attack others in order to deflect from his own vulnerability - all of these traits tie heavily into perfectionism, which Rolan consistently displays traits of. At the start of the game, he spends every line with the player bragging about how he and Lorroakan are going to become household names, how they will boast of this meeting to others. To an extent, I'm sure he believes it. He's just been invited to what he considers to be a prestigious apprenticeship, despite everyone having considered him a failure. Naturally, he's excited despite the trauma of Elturel and Avernus, and wants to get to Lorroakan immediately in order to fulfill his destiny (he refers to it as his destiny several times throughout the game).

This makes what happens next all the more tragic.

Part 4 - Baldur's Gate, Lorroakan, and ending the Cycle of Abuse

Picture this - you've been rejected, abandoned, considered a lost cause for most of your life, accepted only by the siblings you just barely avoided losing forever. But the journey was worth it. You're finally here, in the city you've dreamed of, studying under who in your opinion is one of the most powerful and respected wizards in the world.

Then you get there, and you don't learn a thing. Your teacher asks you nonsensical questions and beats you as a punishment when you're wrong. It's unsurprising that when the player enters Sorcerous Sundries, that Rolan seems a bit more dejected than usual.

Much has been said about the depiction of abuse in media, but as a survivor of domestic violence, I found Rolan's reaction and justification of his abuse very accurate for someone suffering from DV. True to his personality, the very first thing he does is deny that anything's wrong, continuing his trend of burying his emotions in the hope that they'll go away.

[Player: I know the marks of subjugation. Your face - what happened?]

[Rolan: Nothing for you to worry about.] [Devnote: Master Lorroakan hurt him, but he doesn't want to say]

[Narrator: *His voice catches. Something's wrong here.*]

Survivors of DV often feel great shame towards their abuse, often blaming themselves and refusing to speak about it out of fear of appearing vulnerable. True to that, Rolan doesn't say anything about what Lorroakan's doing it, resorting to another common tactic for abuse survivors - implying what's happening without directly stating that the abuse is occurring. This is often out of fear, especially if the victim is still close to the abuser - in this case, Rolan not wanting to jeopardize his apprenticeship, or possibly be abused further for disclosing it to someone else.

[Rolan: Be very sure before you make to visit Lorroakan. He's got a beastly temper.] [Devnote: Sounds a bit disappointed in the player]

[Rolan: Master Lorroakan is... a difficult man.] [Devnote: Gently touches bruised face, distant]

Abuse survivors often hold a great deal of guilt for 'allowing' themselves to be abused, more so if the abuser considers them weak or easy to manipulate. There's often a stigma - "why didn't you just leave? You knew it was bad, yet you stayed, so there must be some blame on your part." This is not an uncommon belief amongst survivors, and through his journal entries, it can be inferred that Rolan holds a similar belief. Rolan's journal, and his VA's fantastic reading of it, can be found here. Rolan is clearly aware that what's being done to him is wrong, but he persists - in my opinion, partially because he believes it's worth the benefits involved, and partially because he feels a responsibility towards his siblings to succeed after 'failing' them so tragically before. Again, perfectionism, guilt, internalized self-hatred: easy traits for a horrible man like Lorroakan to take advantage of.

There are a few possible endings for Rolan here, the first being if you side against the Nightsong with Lorroakan.

The thing about abuse, as Larian so excellently portrays it, is that it is often perpetuated in cycles. A person who's been hurt is more likely to hurt others, whether as a response to their pain, or in an attempt to spread their misery in order to feel less alone. Though not all survivors become perpetrators themselves, many perpetrators are survivors themselves. Rolan is no different - if Nightsong is captured, and Lorroakan is killed in the fight, he will immediately attempt to cage the Nightsong himself and harness her immortality. This could easily be seen as an attempt to get strong enough that no one can ever hurt or take advantage of him again.

When the player next long rests, Rolan will be found dead, having been killed by Aylin - perhaps a mercy, to avoid him from becoming just the same as Lorroakan.

But the player who cares for Rolan wouldn't let this happen to him, right?

Rolan's attitude towards the player gradually changes over time, but nothing shows his growth more than his good ending, where you save Cal and Lia and side with the Nightsong. When you bring Nightsong to the tower, Rolan will be shocked, in disbelief that the Nightsong was a person all along. He turns against Lorroakan on the spot despite the other man's threats to ruin his life (a common tactic employed by abusers to control their victims).

[Lorroakan: Boy! At the ready. Once I've taken control of the aasimar, she must go directly into the caging runes.]

[Rolan: No, Master Lorroakan. I would have never assisted you if I knew you planned such horrors.]

[Rolan: You lied to get the Nightsong here. Made us all believe she was nothing but a relic. I have seen what true leadership can accomplish - but never under your tutelage.]

[Lorroakan: Watch your tongue, you child! I could make it so that no wizard in the realm will touch you.]

[Rolan: If they're all like you, I think that sounds like an excellent bargain.]

It takes an immense amount of courage to stand up to one's abuser, so to see Rolan so bravely stand against the man who hurt him was a positive surprise to me. It also shows just how much the player has changed Rolan for the better - your leadership and selflessness has inspired him, given him the bravery to stand against his abuser. It's a powerful scene, and I admit that watching it brought a tear to my eye, brief as it was. Few people get the chance to take revenge on their abusers, so it was cathartic to see Rolan thunderwaving him onto the balcony before letting Aylin snap his spine.

After the fight, Rolan thanks the player, finally feeling safe enough after his abuser's death to reveal what happened to him. Though it's implied that he feels some shame for being victimized, much of it is likely from the shock of the sudden event, and by the next day he's regained much of his enthusiasm - he still has the ego, but with less arrogance and more acceptance of the player's presence. Rolan's growth, from hating and mistrusting the player to eventually trusting them enough to show his true, kind self to them, is what really made me fall in love with him and his character arc.

Ultimately, Rolan's story isn't just about learning to lay down your pride and accept help from others - it's about abandoning perfectionism and elitism, accepting your own faults, and choosing to grow as a person. For Rolan, the player begins as an annoying, meddlesome force, someone who "moralizes" to him about saving others when he wants no part in doing what's considered "right". By the end of the game, he realizes just how lucky he is to have you in his life - without the player's influence, he could have easily gone down the worst path, the path of narcissism, ego, and disregard for others. But because of a string of coincidences, he was saved from that fate, and was allowed to grow and accept that there's enough room in his heart for more than just the few people that care about him. He learns to lay down the perfectionism, accept that making mistakes is a part of change, and feel his feelings for what they are - whether they're gratitude, fear, or even sadness.

For someone who struggles with avoidant attachment disorder, seeing Rolan's character change throughout the game greatly inspired me to change the way I was approaching my own relationships with people. Avoidant attachment disorder is not talked about very often, both in the medical field and in everyday life, and people suffering from it are often misunderstood or considered to be 'lost causes' - to see Rolan so capable of change inspired me to change myself, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who felt this way.

When he takes over Ramazith's Tower, Rolan decides to distribute Lorroakan's knowledge to the world, and tells you about his plans to open a library. This is the most obvious sign that he's changed - the player's willingness to help him despite getting little or nothing in exchange has inspired him, and he becomes a kinder, more open person. He learns to trust again, to love again. It's unclear what happens afterwards, as he's not present in the epilogue, but the heartwarming conclusion to his arc can be seen in the issue of the Baldur's Mouth Gazette after Lorroakan's death -

Despite everything, Rolan makes it to the end, having vanquished the trials in front of him with the help of the player. He gets his tower, his knowledge, and shares it with the realms, finally able to realize that he's worthy and deserving of a happy life.

Thank you to Larian for bringing Rolan's story to life, to Mr. Taylor for his excellent portrayal of this character, and to all the Rolan fans for showing him so much love every single day.

I have met so many amazing and talented friends from the community around this character, and I'll forever be grateful for everyone who showed him the love I feel towards him.

I can be found on twitter at @gimblebock.

#rolan #rolan bg3 #bg3 rolan #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 #rolan cal lia #lorroakan #bg3 lore #long post

902 notes · View notes

romaniacs · 3 months ago

Text

▌ㅤNATASHA ROMANOFF — IN LOVE WITH A SECRETARY

( read more ) synopsis — natasha wants to keep you safe and be the person she needed when she first got into the company. she didn't really intend to catch feelings for you. warnings — headcanons, slightly suggestive, tooth rotting fluff.

coming from a real secretary

secretary natasha romanoff is your coworker

and she’s so good at her job

doesn't let anything pass

you, as a probationary employee, mess up so often

but she takes a liking to you quickly, reading you so easily

and she truly wants to help you through this period

she can tell you like her the most out of everyone

she notices that, and she can't lie, that kinda motivates her

natasha puts her hair in a bun to avoid distracting you

she wants to be professional

but undoes some of her shirt buttons

she's a bit contradicting to herself

but she tells herself it's only because it's always hot as fuck

she usually goes for a drink on her break

breaking her secretary look with a leather jacket

and taking you with her

she offers you a cigarette outside

and pats your head when you refuse it

you just can’t escape feeling things for her, she's so attractive

even when she's smoking

when she helps you out and leans down to hear you better

her hair brushes against your cheek

and you can't learn shit

she will talk and explain endlessly until you do

then you will look into her eyes

just so your mind will go blank when she asks a question

her eyes are pretty, and her voice so melodic

on week one, she says "there, hun. just save it in that folder"

... are you listening? do you want me to repeat that?"

"mhm, sorry" you say.

week two... "did you understand that?"

"i think so."

"good, i'll let you try doing it then"

"i'll try not to disappoint you"

"you'll do good, i taught you well" she smiles.

"but you can always count on me, sweetie"

on week three... "what are you thinking about?"

her

your face flushes all of a sudden

you were picturing her touching you

squeezing your waist, grabbing your arm

pulling you in for a kiss

imagining her breathing against your skin

you know she tastes like cherry gum

you always take shyly the gum she offers

as you do anything

people take advantage of that

natasha sees herself in you often

she'd struggled with her boss for a while

because the man took a liking to her

but she put him in his place eventually

"i'm not into men" she'd mumble when she got asked out

people were stupid about that

so her old coworkers tried to mess with her

now, if yours call you by a wrong name, make your job harder

or insist on taking you out, natasha is around

she protects you from them

"her name's y/n. use your brain a little" she tells them

"it's funny until i report you, hand her papers over"

"she's taken by me today, you can get going"

when she says that, she makes sure it's true

she takes you out for a good, expensive meal

buys you huge cakes filled with strawberries for dessert

goes "oh, try this!" and you take a bite of a fruit off her hand

you don't know if she's just extremely friendly

or attempting something with you

the way you are with her

"need help with anything?" you always offer

she always agrees

she is always making sure you're near her

and she's there for you too

when she is sobbing over anything

after holding in so many feelings

and you are pissed off at a friend

both drinking the night away at a bar

natasha goes "i hate being alone.

i hate wanting to do things, say things

and never doing so. things end quickly. life ends quickly.

i think we don't enjoy it enough."

"is that what's making you sad?" you ask

"that makes me angry" natasha downs a cup

"i'll just go for it. i'm done with this"

she kisses you

it's such a tender, calm yet deep kiss

you don't let her pull away though

it feels so soft

at the second kiss you share, her mind is far gone

whishing for more

natasha takes you over to a corner

her white unbuttoned shirt is thin

badge noisy as she pulls you closer

her mouth goes down your neck,

your hand goes down her waist

nothing has ever felt so deliriously good

you love the way she pulls your head to the side by your hair

just so she can leave kisses on your skin

it's hot, so is the bar, even more so now

she has an amazing time with you

gets to the office with you the next day

and people don't even wonder why she gave you a ride

... but you slept over at her place

still, natasha doesn't seem to treat you too differently

which is a good sign

it means she really was flirting before all that

"are you going downstairs, sweetie?"

"yeah. need to hand on supplies to steve.

they’re in the warehouse, right?" you ask her

she thinks. "sure, yeah" she thinks and thinks

natasha decides to go downstairs with you. to help

she knows you don't have second intentions

your feelings are always really pure, but hers aren't much

you hold her by her pinky on the way, to stop her

"is that something we're gonna do... occasionally? casually?

or maybe never again?"

"kissing?"

you nod. "are you serious?" she sounds surprised

why would it be just an occasion? i like you"

natasha approaches you, holding your chin with her fingers

"you're too precious for that, don't you know that?"

she places a sweet kiss on your lips

"so no?"

"have as many as you want.

i like your kisses" she says softly

her sweet voice reaches your chest

it gets so full of so much joy

natasha takes you as seriously as you'd expect her to

and lets you kiss her all you want

the next week, you have matching necklaces

then, bracelets

then, rings

natasha lends you her clothes

"it's cold, baby, take mine" she puts her jacket over you

always, always takes you home

so you get close to forgetting your own way home

you're always at her place now

"you guys have been weird" wanda says, your coworker

"have you been making out? you look radiant"

"oh my god. it's just the weather, wanda"

"weird" wanda squints

of course you've been making out whenever you can

natasha teaches you way more than what had been planned

her hair in a bun is styled by you since you ruin it as you kiss

plenty of times

pulling on it

and leaving her breathless

she tries to sound formal with you at work though

"you look so cute today" she whispers in your ear, however

"do you have a girlfriend? yes? she’s so lucky, oh my god"

she teases you so much

in cute ways only

but has to act serious periodically

"you gotta finish that by tomorrow, okay?"

"i need you to come up to my office"

"can you sign this?"

her slow, formal tone gets you sick in the stomach

in a good way

you crave her closeness so damn bad it hurts

then she kisses you and cools it all down

your coworkers take a year to figure out about you two

once they do, they mess with you only

"ah, i'm gonna go to the warehouse for the fourth time today!

with my apprentice! who i shall offer financial assistance to!

because i'm a loser for my girlfriend!"

they are so ironic and stupid

"fifth," natasha corrects as she overhears them one day

they freeze

a girl who was previously laughing looks about to cry

"our record is ten, don't look so shocked"

they're speechless

and natasha's proud of herself. and you

you always kiss her lips

she always wants to hold your hand, be touching you

she really just wants to spend all her time with you

you love a bit differently, but it's enough

she's always willing to teach you more

about your job, love and herself too

#your ira talks 🗯#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff angst #natasha x reader #black widow fluff #marvel #marvel fluff #mcu #black widow

215 notes · View notes

kongchipachi95 · 3 months ago

Text

Pov: a handsome stranger has been seeing you on his walks when you have your morning coffee. A chance encounter leads to an even better encounter.

Warnings: penetration (female on top), male oral (receiving)

Wonwoo

It was your usual morning routine to sit and drink your cup of coffee at the cafe downstairs. There was something peaceful about the quiet of the pre-rush hour traffic that was calming to you. Keeping the routine long enough you started to notice the routines and habits of others.

There was the ahjumma that walked her little white cotton ball of a dog every morning at exactly 6:30am. An ahjussi walked out to buy the paper from the corner stand every morning at 5:45am and stopped to talk to whatever police officer was on patrol that morning. Then there was the young guy with glasses and a beanie who would slowly walk down the street at inconsistent times. He always had a professional camera hanging around his neck and if the lighting was right he would take pictures of the empty streets and the buildings. For the last two weeks you noticed that if the sky were a perfect blend of blue, orange and purple he would take a picture.

What you didn’t notice was that he was watching you. He noticed you the first night he walked out of the studio and decided to go for a walk. Given his line of work he enjoyed the quiet mornings he wouldn’t be spotted by his adoring fans. He used his beanie and glasses as a mask to hide his real identity and go unnoticed. But that one morning was different for him. He had walked down that same street from the studio many times before. He always passed empty streets, empty buildings. Even the 24 hour cafes were mostly empty as people took their americanos to go that hour of the morning. But there was a feminine silhouette sitting in the window of the cafe that caught his attention. From the angle he was walking, you couldn't see him behind the tree. He looked around and didn’t see anyone else in the street so he snapped a few shots of you. He walked by slowly, taking pictures of the buildings if he saw you looking in his direction. You looked so serene even though you were alone. It was like you were comfortable in your own solitary life, he wanted that for himself too. While he preferred being alone at home he didn’t actually want to be by himself. He wanted that comfortable silence you can only experience with someone like-minded and you looked like-minded to him. He was intrigued. In a world with constant connection with other people near and far on social media, it looked like you were completely disconnected from her phone. Who were you?

So for the next few mornings he would either leave the recording studio early or leave his apartment with enough time to get to the street the cafe was on at the same time. Some days he forgot his camera, some days he brought it to play it off. But everyday you sat in the same spot watching the people pass by and everyday he watched you while he tried to gain the courage to finally talk to you.

One morning he didn’t hear his alarm and ended up waking up 20 minutes later than he wanted to. He threw on his navy crew sweatshirt and gray sweatpants then quickly slipped on his adidas tennis shoes and navy beanie and ran out the door leaving his camera behind. He had half a brain to bring his fold top camera bag at least, however he completely forgot that he was experimenting with printing out pictures he had taken. In his bag, he had a bundle of the pictures he had taken of the mystery woman that had captivated his attention.

It had rained overnight so he was hopping over puddles trying not to slip and fall. He rounded the corner, grabbing his bag to hop over the puddle when he crashed into someone, knocking down their drink and spilling his pictures out onto the sidewalk, losing them to the puddles. He was so embarrassed he helped the other person up without looking at their face. The other person tried to help salvage the photos that were lost in the water but they held the picture of the woman in the window of the cafe up slowly. It was you.

When you had left the cafe slightly disappointed that you didn’t see the handsome stranger the last thing you’d expected wasn’t to literally bump into him on the street. You dropped your coffee that you really didn’t need to be drinking anyway, spilling it out onto the already slick street. When his bag flew open you didn’t expect for the pictures that came flying out of it to be all of you. There were pictures of you from different days sitting in the cafe wearing different outfits. In all of them, you look blissful, calm and serene. It was a nostalgic beauty that he had captured through his lens that surprised you. But the one thing that stood out to you was that he was also quietly watching you like you were watching him. It was something out of a movie, each of you in your own private little world observing each other without suspicion. When he finally made eye contact with you his narrow eyes widened and he profusely apologized, blushed and tried snatching the photos out of your hand. You couldn’t help but giggle at the realization that maybe you were attracted to each other without haven even spoken to each other.

You teasingly jerked your arm out of his reach and spoke the first words.

“What’s this about?” you asked, crossing one arm in front of your chest and holding the picture out of reach with the other hand.

“I take pictures of scenery… I saw you one morning and I liked how you looked in the window..” he said shyly, his eyes cast downward.

“And you kept taking pictures of me without my knowledge?” you pushed. He shifted nervously and pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger never taking his eyes off the ground.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I would suggest destroying them but they seem to already have been lost to the puddles,” he said with a scared tone.

“Why would you destroy such a work of art?” You teased with a playful tone. At the change of tone in your voice he looked up and you caught a glimpse of his face without the beanie and without the mask.

His hair hung in chunks around his eyes, not quite a bedhead but not meticulously styled either. Like he simply got up from bed and ran his fingers through his hair to detangle it quickly. His black framed glasses accentuated the sharp features in his bone structure. His lips, those soft lips you were just now noticing, looked like they had a fresh layer of lip balm. You wondered what they tasted like. As she smiled shyly his upper lip disappeared, displaying a row of perfectly white teeth like a curtain unveiling the main character of a play.

“How long have you been watching me?” you ask inquisitively, letting him know that you aren’t mad at the situation but rather intrigued.

“For a couple of weeks now?” he responded as more of a question than a statement.

“There was one day in particular,” he paused to push his glasses up his nose again. “You ordered whipped cream on your coffee and you took a sip. A bit of cream stayed in the corner of your mouth that you didn’t quite wipe off and it drove me crazy the rest of the day thinking about all the ways I would clean it off of you.”

While his face was aimed downward, his eyes innocently looked up at you to see your reaction. It caught you off guard but also gave you the impression that he had been thinking about you in a not so innocent light.

“Like in what ways?” you asked him, pushing the envelope.

“Ways I can’t show you here on the street…” his voice trailed off. You were taken aback but turned on by his forwardness. There was this invisible attraction you had towards this beautiful stranger. He was a lover of natural beauty, obviously. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind.

“Well, then we better get to some place more secluded then so you can show me…” you flirted back. You caught him off guard this time, his nostrils flared and his eyes widened as his mouth gaped open in shock. He started stuttering and mumbled about his place being close by but it was a mess.

“I like a little mess..” you flirted shamelessly.

You walked side by side in silence for a few blocks just looking ahead and not making any conversation. Anyone watching from a distance would see two awkward people who had just met for the first time. What they didn’t know was that inside both of them were dying to explore the other’s body.

They got to an upscale part of the block with an exclusive looking apartment building and building entrance. While you were naturally gravitating towards the entrance he lead you to a different entryway around the building. It wasn’t marked service entrance, so you figured he was some celebrity or big shot CEO that wouldn’t use the main entrance like everyone else. The door you went into lead into a modern foyer with only two elevators. For such a huge building it seemed like there would be more. Entering the brightly lit elevator he quickly pressed the button for the penthouse suite.

“A man on top, I’m intrigued,” you commented. He blushed and looked down, covering his eyes as much as he could with his beanie. After a few seconds the elevator pinged and the doors opened up to a posh modern vestibule that surrounded a dark gray metal door. This stranger entered the code into the lock and it clicked as he pushed it open.

“I don’t even know your name…” you whispered almost inaudibly.

“Are you changing your mind?” he replied in a deeper, more confident voice.

“N-no,” you stuttered. He smirked.

“My name’s Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo, welcome to my place,” he held his arm out gesturing for you to come in. You both slipped out of your shoes at the entrance padding across the floor in socks into the living room.

It was a smaller apartment despite being on the top floor, at least smaller than she had imagined. But it was very nicely decorated with cream colored furniture, a small table that seemed to be the epicenter of their daily activities and a clothing rack next to the table.

“I have a roommate but he’s, uh, working late today,” he rushed walking to his room.

You followed him into the room, not wanting to look around too much as if his home were a museum. He flipped a switch and these blue and purple LED lights came on, casting a romantic glow over the room. There was a bed pushed against the wall, a computer setup that took up most of the room and a bookshelf stocked with books and DVDs alike.

He turned around to face you and you slipped your jacket off, carefully laying it on the chair. He walked up to you slowly until he was mere centimeters away from you. He reached a hand up and traced your lips softly. You reached up and took off his beanie allowing his fluffy hair to fall back onto his forehead. You tossed the beanie onto the bed and reached up to take his glasses off but his hand grabbed your wrist.

“The glasses stay on. I want to see you,” he whispered. He placed your hand on his shoulder as he leaned down towards your face. Your lips parted slightly in anticipation and he looked down at them, licking his own lips.

“Are you sure this is okay?” he asked, a true gentleman.

“Yes, I want this,” you whispered back.

Before you could even finish your sentence his hands were in your hair pulling your body into his and his lips were all over yours. He smelled like a faint scent of shower gel and natural musk, a scent that intoxicated your nostrils making you want more the longer you inhaled him. His hands found the small of your back and he turned you around so that your back was to the bed and he was facing you. He slowly lowered you to the bed and hovered over you, gently sliding first your pants and then your panties tossing them onto the floor.

Your breath hitched in your throat and your chest heaved, causing him to bite his lip. He knew what his touch was doing to you and he was doing all that he could to turn you on even more. He kissed the inside of your ankle, making a trail up your leg and stopping at your glistening wet nirvana waiting for him.

“Ready for me already?” he asked in a husky voice. He lapped your folds for a few seconds causing you to arch your back before kneeling upright on the bed and pulling the waistband of his sweatpants down. His long, hard dick sprung up, slapping his tight stomach lightly. Your mouth watered and you needed a taste of it.

You sat up, scooting forward and licking the tip causing a moan to escape his mouth.

“Does that feel good?” you asked in a sexy low voice. He nodded his head and he placed his hand at the base of your skull, his thumb tracing your lips again. You were beginning to realize he had an obsession with your mouth and you were about to give him another reason to like it.

Licking your lips you slid your mouth down the shaft of his dick until it bottomed out in your throat which was still about halfway down the length of his member. You squeezed the sides of your mouth, feeling his body twitch every time you did. You squeezed his balls lightly, feeling his legs almost buckle underneath him. You continued massaging him with one hand and pumping the other hand up and down his shaft as you sucked the life out of him. Tears started sliding down the sides of your face as you were going as far as you physically could. He looked down, his face softening a little and used his thumb to wipe a tear from your eye. It didn’t take long after seeing you cry from deepthroating for him to reach climax before he was screaming your name and begging you not to stop. You let out an evil giggle and the vibration from your throat sent him over the edge. Warm shots of his Jeon juice were squirting in your mouth that you took with big gulps. He collapsed on the bed next to you, his glasses crooked on his face and his hair a disheveled mess.

“I hope you don’t think I’m done with you,” he warned. “Once I catch my breath I want to make you feel just as good as you made me feel.”

“Good,” you replied. “You also owe me an iced americano.”

He laughed, closing his eyes and flashing that beautiful smile.

“I can do that, babe.”

He took his glasses off and placed them on the nightstand next to the bed. He reached for your wrist and brought you to a straddling position over him. You slid slowly down his dick squeezing your walls so the sensitivity in his member made him almost go cross eyed. His hands grabbed your ass and controlled the tempo starting off slow. His length reached your g-spot and just when you started to feel like you were about to reach ecstasy he started circling your clit with his thumb, using your wetness as a lubricant.

“Oh my fucking God, Wonwoo, please don’t stop,” you called out. He moaned that you were going to make him cum if you kept squeezing your walls around him. He picked up the pace both on your thighs and on his circles and you felt the wave of oblivion wash over you leaving goosebumps on your skin. You called his name, he called yours as he pulled out and shot his load over your legs. You collapsed on the bed next to him. You rested your head on his chest, hearing his fast heartbeat against your ear. He placed a finger under your chin and brought it to his, planting soft kisses around your mouth before he gave you a long, soft kiss.

“I could get used to this,” he whispered.

“Me, too,” you whispered back.

The cloudy sky cast a fuzzy filter into the room, making your eyes heavy. Wonwoo’s breathing slowed as he drifted off to sleep. A gentle rain started hitting the windows, lulling the both of you into dreamland.

#wonwoo #svt smut #svt #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo x you #wonwoo x y/n #jeon wonwoo #jeon wonu

79 notes · View notes

sgiandubh · 5 months ago

Note

The thing is, this escort mess won’t have an impact on Sam or his image or his products sales. The only ones talking about the mysterious woman and her true profession is this little bubble on tumblr.

The twitter accounts who saw the JJ pictures and knew an obvious pap walk tweeted about it on the day. But they aren’t tweeting about the escort because it isn’t public news, they won’t know it unless they look in this corner of tumblr or people on tumblr post the info on twitter and it gets traction.

The (religious) Sam mommies aren’t leaving Sam’s side because they would never believe it regardless of the proof. If Sam was papped tomorrow with another woman, that would be Sam’s new love. See P**v’s world.

Hawaii had an impact because it was all playing out online, on Sam’s SM feeds, from Sam himself. But other messes that have come up over the years that were big in this tumblr bubble never made it outside of here, had no impact to Sam.

Unless respected publications pick up who the woman is and print it, the public at large will not know. And that will never happen because they only publish what they are told, like Starz in this situation since the article only mentions Outlander and Blood of My Blood, or what Starz/PR have given confirmation to print. These publications won’t go rogue and lose their business with these studios/PR.

Dear Excuse Him Anon,

You wrote a PhD dissertation just to mitigate a couple of things and completely disregard what I wrote. Not nice, girl.

Did you look at the comments under that JJ photo reel featuring the pap walk? They are abysmal. It's between gay and 'professional companion'. Those are, for the most part, casual viewers and followers. It should give us, his PR and himself a pretty good idea about impact. Do you honestly think this is ok, or something he'd get rid of anytime soon?

Anyhow, these are just regular people. If you do think those agents, directors and producers of mainstream Hollywood don't know by now who the hell she is, you are naive. Same goes for his business and CSR contacts. They know. And they do simply because this is about money, first and foremost. Business. So, spare me your good sentiments: you clearly have no clue of what you are talking about.

Suppose that I, as a diplomatic agent posted to Athens, would have been seen buying smuggled cigarettes on the Piraeus docks. How long do you think it would have taken my colleague from Cipher (but not only Cipher, of course) to find out? And by the way: this happened to one of the technical personnel at a friendly Embassy (they do not have access to diplomatic duty free perks), while I was still there. He was sent back home in two weeks, Anon. Standard NATO security rules. So yes: different situation, but same rationale. Prestige and image before anything.

Hawaii 🐰never made it to mainstream press, not even as a 'mystery companion'. And not even to JJ. Damage contained pretty well by S, too - in a very emotional, confused moment, in which even C stepped in with a heartfelt appeal ('If you do not like us, do not follow us', or something along those lines) . Their luck and ours.

The religious Sam mommies won't leave his side until they snap and do, Anon. People can tolerate many things, but it is unlikely they would tolerate something so alien to their own moral code for eternity. Again, naive.

Also, the public at large DGAF about S and his paid pap walk companion. Also, don't ask why he has only flop film proposals. Here's your answer.

What a waste, Anon. What a waste. Lost respect is very difficult to earn back. And he lost a lot of it in what, 24 hours? Wow, Anon. Wow.

Add to this the completely tone deaf ad for Outlander World Day or what the hell it is called and you'll be as (second-hand) embarrassed as I am right now, Anon. Because that is not a bastard, far from it. Just someone in dire need of a complete PR intervention, until it's not too late. If he'd only listen.

#anon #fandom #shitshow

62 notes · View notes

stevesbipanic · 11 months ago

Text

@steddiemas Day 5: Grinch vs Holiday Cheer

It should be known that Steve Harrington had not always hated Christmas. In fact for many years it was simply that the holiday was draining for him, and if the pictures could be believed two-year old him loved the day.

Present day Steve though hated it. You would not think it with his house professionally decked out in bright lights and ornaments, an eight foot tree in the living room. Nevermind the fact that there wasn't a single present under the tree, or anyone else in the house but him. His parents would be back in a few days for their annual Christmas party, Steve would be expected to attend. This year he would not be.

While other people were diligently wrapping gifts with the big day coming up shortly, Steve was packing his meager belongings and finally taking up his boyfriend's offer to move in with him.

Eddie had gotten a flat thanks to the government's hush money, Wayne finally giving up the trailer life lived just across the hall. Eddie wanted nothing more than for Steve to be out of that cold loveless house and was overjoyed that Steve was finally joining him.

"It'll be like a sleepover every night, Stevie!"

"Name one night we've actually slept apart, Eds."

"I wanna have a home with you though."

"You're my home, Eddie."

Eddie had spent all morning getting the place extra clean for Steve's arrival, as if the plates he was washing in the sink weren't from date night last night. But there were more pressing touches to the apartment that had to be completed before Steve arrived.

Steve should've known something was up when he got to Eddie's floor and heard Christmas music, but he assumed it was Sandy from down the hall, she'd had a wreath on her door since November 1st.

He let himself into the apartment with his key and almost dropped the box he was carrying. The room was completely decorated in Christmas things, there was even a small tree tucked into the corner.

"Eddie?" Steve called out.

His boyfriend skidded into the room.

"Stevie! You're home!"

"What's all this?"

"Oh, you know, um......Christmas decorations?"

The box in Steve's hands had become heavy so he moved himself through the chaotic apartment and into the bedroom, which thankfully only had a small string of Christmas lights by the window.

He methodically unpacked the last of his clothes and the few gifts and photos he had from the kids and Robin, now the room truly felt like theirs. Now to deal with what awaited him in the living room.

To his credit, Eddie had let Steve have his moment, waiting patiently on the couch. Waiting and patient weren't two words Steve often associated with his metalhead so he couldn't be too mad at him. Steve sat down on the couch and lent into Eddie.

"I'm not mad about the decorations."

"You're not?"

"I just wasn't expecting it."

"I'm sorry, I know you don't like Christmas."

"I hate it."

"Why, love, you never have told me why?"

"Because it's always been about them, their party, their friends, their decorations. I got two normal Christmases before it all became a performance."

"Oh sweetheart, I hate that they've taken another thing from you that should be a happy thing."

"I thought with the kids and Robin around it would be different but they're always whisked away by their families and the Buckley's always go out of state even though Robin begs them to stay cause she hates me being alone. I'm always alone on Christmas and then have to smile at all my parents' fake friends and then I'm alone again."

"Steve, I promise you'll never be alone on Christmas again ok? You can have a normal Christmas, that's all about you."

Eddie was right, he could have a normal Christmas. There were presents under the tree here, and the ornaments on the tree were clearly old or handmade by a young Eddie. Christmas dinner could be them and Wayne and real smiles and real conversations. Christmas could be full of love again, it may have taken almost 18 years since that gummy two year old smiled holding a teddy under the tree, but he could smile again.

"Do you think Wayne has his tree up yet?"

Eddie's face broke into a grin, "Let's go check sweetheart, I'm sure he'd even let you hang the star."

Ao3

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #i just feel steve would have to relearn loving Christmas #steddiemas #these get longer every day

138 notes · View notes

piratefishmama · 1 year ago

Text

Beware The Thorns | Part 7

“So you don’t have a name, or a number, or even a picture, all you have is the gut feeling that someone ratted you out to your little boy toy and you want me to what, to find this mystery person?”

“Exactly. And don’t tell me you can’t, your lot found Brenner hiding in a repurposed missile silo on a whim. Someone told him, Robs. I wanna know who.”

“Uhuh, and what if no-one told him?” Robin sat down beside him on the fluffy rug at the foot of the couch, leaning back against the firm frame of the couch, cushions atop the base soft against her shoulders “What if he just did what employees do sometimes and quit.” It wasn’t impossible, Eddie was an employee and nothing more. Not really. Even with the emotional connection, the feelings, Eddie was at most an employee. “He’s gotta keep things professional right? What if he really did just feel like things were getting too real? It’s been years Steve, it’d be damn near impossible to not develop real feelings by now.”

She’d come within half an hour of his call, traffic delaying her a little, had taken stock of his state of being, and decided that fun would have to wait, and as usual… she was right.

Steve let his hands push up through his hair as he sunk his head lower into them, then lifted it back up again, hair a mess. “But... why? Why would he wanna keep it professional if he could have real?”

“Oh Stevie... some people—some people don’t want real. Real doesn’t fit their lifestyles or their emotional states, real doesn’t really... work for where they are in their lives and Eddie... this is his job Steve... he couldn’t keep doing all he’s known for years if he takes the real that you’re offering. It’s one or the other and... and relationships aren’t guaranteed to work. They’re not guaranteed to be for life and if he’s giving up his entire livelihood, his entire way of life, no doubt something he’s trial and errored to get to where he is... he needs security in that and let’s be honest here... can you give him that security?”

Steve looked at her, eyes so full of sadness because no. He couldn’t. He couldn’t even claim that Eddie would be safe. All it took was one deal going south and someone deciding to be vindictive about it. All it took was someone with a vendetta picking Eddie out of the line-up of people Steve cared about.

All it took was one shot, and no amount of vengeful violence would bring him back and it’d be Steve’s fault for not letting him go. Steve had always been so good at letting things go, he’d let people go so many times before, but Eddie?

He didn’t want to let Eddie go. No matter the danger it put him in, was that selfish?

Was that wrong?

Absolutely on both counts.

He truly didn’t care. He’d given up so many things to get to where he was in life, he wanted to keep this one precious thing. Call him a petulant child, he didn’t care. He wanted to keep Eddie.

“I—”

“Before you answer, think very hard, Steve… you answer will determine exactly how much respect you’re going to get from me in the next five minutes.” He shrunk back in on himself, Robin meant the world to him. And he knew he meant the world to her too, it was an unquestionable fact. They were a package deal even if they did different things in life, she would always be part of his, and he a part of hers.

Eddie had been the only partner he’d ever had that’d welcomed her in, never questioning her presence or demanding to know their history. He’d been the only one to respect them for what they were.

A package deal. Bonded amidst a tense hostage situation. Platonic soulmates.

And as soulmates, she kept him in check, knew when he was preparing to walk directly over an unseen line. Knew when to pull him back. “…No. I cant.” She softened tenfold, her arm curling around his shoulders, she gently pulled him in to lean against her. “But… I want to be able to. I can’t let him go, Robin… I just—he’s just—” he was everything.

He made coming home worth it.

Made that empty apartment feel like a home when he was there.

“Steve…”

“I love him, Robs…” he felt empty without him. “I shouldn’t have to give up the people I love, what’s the point in doing what I do, if—if I’m not happy?” What was the point in anything he did, if he got nothing but sadness, nothing but loneliness, emptiness out of it? It wasn’t like he enjoyed the criminal aspect of his life, he’d entered it out of necessity, out of obligation, out of a duty to his parents legacy.

He’d been moulded and shaped into the person he was, raised to be what he’d become. He’d had no other option than the one he’d taken.

“You love the idea of him, Steve… you love the version of Eddie that he showed you, but what do you actually know about Eddie Munson? Other than he makes spectacular pasta and noodle dishes.” Robin knew quite a bit about Eddie Munson, but that was more private research than something she’d been asked to gather. Anyone who got close to her soulmate got a full background search ran on them.

It was just something she did. She knew he came from a broken family, knew he’d been raised by his uncle in a trailer somewhere in Hicksville Indiana. Knew his father had passed away in jail after a prison riot had gone awry. She knew his uncle was still alive, and that his mother lived in California, that he hadn’t had contact with the woman since he’d gone to live with his uncle.

She knew he had an extended family thanks to his uncle being in a relationship with a woman named Claudia Henderson who had a younger son named Dustin. She knew he’d grown up poor.

She knew he wasn’t perfect, knew he was rougher than he led Steve to believe, than he led everyone to believe, she knew where he lived. Where Claudia and Dustin lived, where Wayne lived. But that was her information. Her carefully gathered information.

Steve didn’t need to know any of it unless he did need to know it. And in that moment, he didn’t.

Steve frowned, eyes drifting back to the fluffy rug, his expression thoughtful yet frustrated. “It doesn’t matter what I know about him… have you ever—have you ever seen someone, and just felt… light? Like you could just float away? Have you ever walked into your apartment, and just felt infinitely warmer because that one person, that one special person, was there? Like just their very being was making your empty apartment feel like a home?” No, she hadn’t. He knew she hadn’t, he’d be the first person she’d have told had she found someone like that.

“No Steve, you know I haven’t…”

“I just wanna hold him… he fits perfectly right here” Steve wrapped his arms down around his own legs, pulling his knees up to rest his forehead against them. Eddie fit perfectly in his arms. “I don’t care that I don’t know him for real, Robin… I care that I want to know him, I want to put in the work to know him, I want to be safe for him, for my life to be danger free, just so he can be here… that’s gotta mean something, right?”

“It means you’re not thinking straight, Steve… it means you need more sleep, and maybe a little time to think about what you’re saying, to process what’s happened. I mean, let’s be honest we both know that making huge life decisions after a heartbreak is a bad idea, you have people that depend on you.” People who were safe purely because they ran under the Harrington name. “People who need you to be the person you are.”

People who needed the protection that that name came with. The protection that Steve gave them by existing in his inherited role.

“…Can you at least ask around, poke a few haystacks to see if something falls loose?” Maybe if he proved that someone had told Eddie, he could just… take out his loss on that person, or try and show Eddie that there wasn’t any danger, that he’d never hurt him, that no matter what he knew, he’d be safe, he didn’t have to run or hide from the big bad wolf hiding in sheep’s clothing that was Steve Harrington, he could stay, the wolf loved him, it wouldn’t hurt him.

If he’d just made the decision on his own then…

What could Steve do?

Robin gently brushed a stray strand of honeyed brown from Steve’s face, offering a small, sad little smile “yeah, Dingus… I’ll see if anything falls loose, you just… you get some rest okay? Don’t make any big decisions without consulting anyone first, alright?” Even though he was the boss and could do whatever he wanted. He nodded. Robin was his voice of reason. “What will you do? Tell me.”

Robin was his one guiding star. “I’ll talk to you first.”

“That’s my big doof.”

Part 9

#PirateWrites #BewareTheThornsFiclet #No Upside Down AU #Steddie #Escort!Eddie #Shady!Steve #Platonic Stobin

208 notes · View notes

scaryspears · 2 months ago

Text

Victor and Graydon Creed

I have a broken sense of humour, so forgive me. But the fact that VICTOR CREED not only fathered a non-mutant child, but also that same non-mutant child became a politician, suit and all. Sabretooth, a man where the word 'Barbarian' comes to mind, fathered a political figure. Granted, Graydon is as much a monster as Mr Creed senior, but the vision is everything.

Can you imagine the shenanigans?

Graydon being forced to go back on his words about his anti mutant propaganda, and talk about how they're not so bad because a list of nice things they done for him in order to avoid getting a spanking.

Graydon opening up about his mutant background, and how his anti mutant propaganda came from hating himself and his mommy issues, and how he learned that doesn't mean other mutants are the same, and using that to advocate for mutant acceptance.

Graydon getting some kind of promotion, and a party being hosted to celebrate it. Then Sabretooth crashes it, gets drunk and starts embarrassing Graydon in front of all his co-workers and fellow politicians. Saying stuff like "Just to think all those decades ago you was in my balls!"

His co-workers recognising that Graydon's cat-like habits come from Sabretooth. Standoffish with people he's just met. Hissing or growling when annoyed. Disturbing people, but not liking when others bother him. Having no concern for other people's belongings. His co-workers noticing how he avoids people when he's stressed, just like a cat.

Getting asked awkward questions at interviews like "Do laser pointers bother you?" and "Do you eat lots of fish?". Graydon trying his best to stay professional and not lose his cool.

Graydon being forced to stand next to Sabretooth, and everyone pointing out how small he looks in comparison despite being very tall, because Victor is HUGE.

Graydon being forced to acknowledge his other siblings from Mystique's side, and coming to the realisation that Logan is his uncle.

Graydon trying to force Victor and Logan to form a momentary truce just so they can take a good picture for the front page of a news paper (for mutant positivity reasons). Many fights ensue, and it takes over 60 attempts until a picture is taken where Victor is holding up a struggling Logan with a grin prepared to throw him, and the headline being "Sabretooth excited to reunite with little brother" or something.

Graydon meeting with Professor X to discuss the needs of mutants, and bumping into his cousin Laura, who hasn't forgiven him for his anti mutant days.

Professor X helping him with his inner trauma, and unpacking the trauma Mystique put him through, and the shame he felt knowing his parents were bad people, and being normal as the only thing he can cling to in efforts to avoid believing he's like them. How Graydon wants a family deep down, and actively hunted mutants to get attention from one or both his parents. How Graydon always wanted acceptance, and being abandoned caused a dilemma within him that lasted decades.

Graydon being forced to spend his holiday in Canada, and staying indoors at a cabin while Victor gathers firewood because he can't handle the snow.

Being forced to embrace his Canadian heritage.

#graydon creed #victor creed #sabretooth #x men #x men 1992 #This is Graydon's purgatory.#logan howlett #wolverine

27 notes · View notes

lowkeyremi · 1 year ago

Text

𝙏𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙧'𝙨 𝘼𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩 -> Aizawa Shota x afab!reader

➼ Sum: In short, you're fired from your main job. The worry and stress hits you while you're ugly crying outside of the building of your old workplace. You happen to meet a man who can give you a job. The question is... should you take it?

➼ Chapters: Prologue, 1

➼ Content Warning: Implied fem reader, reader has fem parts, eventual sexual content, suggestive language, all characters are aged up, eventual relationships, strippers, reader is struggling. (I'll add more as time goes on)

Prologue - I'm Fucking Losing It.

banner by: cafekitsune

"Please... I promise it won't happen again." You're on your knees in one of the halls, pleading- no begging to keep your job. It couldn't be helped though, why should you let people get handsy with you when it makes you uncomfortable?

"I'm sorry but that was your last chance. You've beaten up too many customers.. publicly at that and it's scaring away customers." Your manager says, he seems to feel for you but that frown may just be as fake as your life right now.

"But I'm your top money maker!" This is your last resort. You cannot lose this job because you don't make much at your coffee shop part-time.

"Technically, that's no longer true. Your performance has been sloppy lately, so Ami has risen and taken your spot." His words shatter what's left of your hope. Your makeup runs as you cry ugly tears. A man walks past the two of you, most likely toward the restroom. Any other time you'd be embarrassed, but right at this moment all you can feel is emptiness.

"So I'm being fired for defending myself?" You ask between sobs and sniffles.

"No, you know we wouldn't let anything happen to you. It's policy after all. You also know better than anyone that people at clubs are drunk and high even, so, of course, they're going to touch you. It's what you signed up for." He says to keep it professional.

Anger starts to seep into you. "Fuck, if that's how it's gonna be then I'll leave!" They don't deserve your service anyway.

"Ms. L/n...?" Your boss asks and you look up at him. He sees you struggling to stand because of your sore feet, these heels do you no justice. A hand is held out and you take it, trembling as you get up.

"I could recommend you to another club-" You cut him off.

"I'm good, thank you for everything you've done for me." It breaks your heart that you're leaving this place. As weird as it sounds this club was the closest thing to a home for you.

You start your walk to the backroom to get your things. Emptying your locker was the hardest. The tears start flowing again when you see the old Polaroid pictures you took with some of your coworkers who you considered to be some of your best friends.

Once changed out of your lingerie and you've packed everything you turn in everything the club let you use.

There was no way you'd say farewell to this life, it'd only make leaving it behind all the more hard. You walk outside and slump against the club's wall. You allow yourself to cry it all out.

You call your mother not sure what to do.

She picks up on the second ring, "Hello?"

"Hey.." you mumble. Your voice is hoarse due to crying.

Your mother instantly sighs, "Did you get yourself into some bullshit again?"

"Um.. yeah. Can I stay with you until I-" You're cut off by your mother's stern voice.

"Y/n, I cannot keep covering for your ass. You are twenty-six years old and every time you get into some shit you come crying to me or your father to fix it. I raised you better than that." And so the lecture begins.

"Mom please, just for a week or two.." You plead, usually she'd give in but she seems to be set on teaching you a lesson.

"No. You can call me if you need anything, but you need to get your life together. Life is not all cupcakes and rainbows. You need to learn how to deal with it. I love you but I have to go." Your mother, the one who's supposed to have your back through thick and thin is in your opinion giving up on you.

Your crying continues. What the hell are you supposed to do? Bills are due a little while from now and you work a small paying part-time.

"Shit I need to look for a job." You say sniffling.

"I could be of some assistance." A deep voice rings in your ears. You assume whoever it is is making a phone call and is not talking to you.

"You are in need of a job, correct? I could help you get into an honest line of work." The voice tries again. This time you look up to see a man with long raven hair casting down his shoulders, he has stubble covering his face alongside a few scars, and an eye patch that hides his right eye.

"Me?" You ask stoked about his appearance.

"I don't see anyone else out here crying their eyes out." He says with a hint of smugness. Wait.. how does he know you need a job?

"How did you-"

"Those walls aren't that thick." He replies somehow already knowing what you were bound to say.

"I need an assistant, I teach in a high school." The scoff that leaves your lips is inevitable.

"Teachers don't make shit, how am I supposed to pay my bills with a job like that?" Sarcasm is laced in your tone, you search his eye for any sign that he'll leave you alone but he seems determined.

"It's not just any high school. I'm a first-year teacher at UA high school, you'll be making around $20 an hour as my assistant. Also room and board is provided." Your eyes widen, now the offer is more tempting.

Looking down you get a glimpse of his prosthetic leg. "You need help because of your leg?"

"No, I could just use an extra set of hands, it seems every year the hero students get a little bit more naive." His sigh does not go unnoticed by you.

"Don't you need like a degree or something? Why are you asking an ex-stripper?" It's not even out of spite just pure curiosity.

"Usually you would, but I can get you the job. I'm asking because you seem to be struggling and if I can do something about it then I'll try to the best of my ability to make it happen."

Oh. So he's one of those people. The kind to pity anybody, you assume.

"I'm not struggling, I'm fucking losing it." The tears threaten to come back.

"What would I do?" You ask.

"Bring stuff from the printer, monitor the class, answer questions on current subjects, get coffee, other simple things like that." The calmness in his voice is a little unnerving.

"And I'd get paid $20 an hour for that?" The shock in your voice causes the man to chuckle a little bit.

"Correct. Any other questions?" His voice is smooth.

"How can you trust me? I just got fired for beating people up." You fear losing the potential job but you just had to ask.

"As you said, you were defending yourself. Your job should have considered that, even if the people are drunk that is no excuse for them to touch you when you have asked them to stop." He explains simply.

"Okay, I'll take the job.. when can I start?" This is what is crucial to you, those bills need to be paid, and getting behind would only cause you more trouble. But then again room and board is provided... would you even need to live in your crappy apartment anymore?

"Next week or the week after, I need to speak with the principal. Once everything is set straight I'll contact you about moving in." He rubs his face, and when looking into his eyes there was no way to tell what he was thinking. He looks so good though, you couldn't deny that.

"Eraserhead, a pleasure to meet you." That must be his hero name.

"Do I need some kind of code name? I'm not a hero. My stripper name was Golden Tiger." Your face flushes a little bit.

"Should've been Golden Kitten, you clearly haven't reached tiger status yet. Just give me your last name." It was clear he was teasing, his voice gave it away.

"Okay, just call me L/n then." He chuckles at your little huff of annoyance.

"Alright L/n, you think I could get your number to contact you?" That easygoing tone not leaving his voice.

You hand him your phone and you watch with interest as he types in his number. You hear a little hum escape his lips signaling he was done.

"Text me," he commands handing you back your phone. Something about the way he said that gave you goosebumps.

'Golden Tiger here.' you text biting your bottom lip. All you receive is Eraserhead shaking his head at you with a smug smirk.

"You need a ride home, Golden Kitten?" You can't even be upset when that smirk looks so good on him.

"Oh fuck off. My car's over there." You point to your ugly beige 2006 Honda Accord. (let's just pretend those still exist even tho the mha timeline is in the future)

"Is that any way to talk to someone who just got you a job?" His voice dropped an octave and you weren't sure if it was on purpose or if he was doing it unconsciously.

He looks like a tired man anyone wouldn't consider being attracted to but something about this man is drawing you in.

Instead of responding to his question, you ignore it, "I'm leaving."

You push yourself off the wall that hasn't been cleaned since who knows when. You'd forgotten that your feet were sore because of Eraserhead's presence but they reminded you of the pain.

Eraserhead mumbled something that sounded like 'be careful' but it wasn't certain, you already started limping to your car in pain.

Once situated you shut your eyes and let out a sigh.

"As cliché as this is, I'm glad my life is starting to work out a little bit." Your statement was heard by no one but yourself. When pulling out of the parking lot you play some music to prevent yourself from being left alone with your thoughts.

➼ AN: And that's a wrap for the prologue. I hope it's okay, this story came out of no where tbh. I'm not sure on how long I want it to be yet. I'm working on being more detailed in my writings. Also this is NOT beta read yet, bc I need to find someone to be my beta reader. Feel free to like, reblog, and comment! <3

#bnha #mha #aizawa #mha aizawa #aizawa shōta #shota aizawa #aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #bnha aizawa #eraserhead #aizawa shota x reader #aizawa shota #shota aizawa x reader #multi chap #multi chap fic #multi fic #post bnha wars #aizawa x y/n

255 notes · View notes

star-centric · 1 year ago

Note

Can you do some headcannons on Kunikida from bsd and how he would act in a relationship? Like what type of dates they’d go on, his love language, etc. tysm!

- 🥀

PAIRING: Kunikida x Gender Neutral!Reader

NOTE: I love Kunikida- that is all (and sorry that this came out so late)!

CW: fluff, gender neutral reader

Relationship Headcanons with Kunikida!

Being in a relationship with Kunikida is more exciting than people think. He’s still as diligent as always, but you get to see a certain softness to him that isn’t shown as much

He still acts the same- but he’s a bit more…delicate now. He catches himself remembering that you’re not just his friend anymore and that you’re something more to him (like he’s been wanting for a while). It’s hard to not notice the tips of his ears growing red when he has his vulnerable moments with you, but it’s welcomed nonetheless

I fully believe he asked you out first- had an entire plan written down in his notebook with no room to error. Even with everything written and perfected to a T, he still stumbled a bit in his confession, light blush across his cheeks but firm in his words. It’s a moment that you keep close to you and bring up whenever you’re alone together (sometimes to tease him- much to his dismay)

If you guys work together, he doesn’t treat you like you’re weak because he knows that you’re not- but don’t be surprised if he’s hovering around you more when you get back from a mission. He’s still professional- just more worried- but he still has faith in you!

If you guys don’t work together, he makes time out of his schedule daily to see you. He makes sure that it falls on your lunch break and it doesn’t get interrupted by anyone (unless it’s a serious mission, but expect him to be a little upset when he confronts the threat)

He always makes sure to walk you to and from work- no exceptions

Kunikida would be the one to usually plan your dates- whether it’s his idea or yours. If there’s something specific that you want to do, you can expect him to get all of the information/details and plan it to where there’s no room for a mistake

(just make sure that you’re not pranking him like Dazai because he will take it literal)

He prefers something calm for your dates- he already gets all of the excitement he needs from the agency, so any chance he can relax and do it with you he’s taking it. He also finds it easier to unwind with you, feeling the stress from the day lift from his shoulders just being with you

Kunikida’s love language is act of service! He goes out of his way to make you’re taken care of. It may seem minor to some and not a big deal, but it’s just one of the many ways to show that he cares about you

He’s not much of a touchy person in the beginning of your relationship, but he starts to show a little more physical affection as it progresses. It starts out small- from pinkies brushing against one another without flinching to small hugs before saying goodnight. He doesn’t do much in front of everyone besides handholding, but he does start to do more behind closed doors and in the privacy of your homes

Kunikida has a whole section in his notebook dedicated to you (including future dates)- your likes, dislikes, anniversaries, etc. You never have to worry about him forgetting something because he already has it written down

It takes a while before Kunikida says “I love you”, but I do believe that he would say it first. He’ll also be the first one to bring up the notion of moving in together under a tactical guise (but really it’s just because he craves you more and the times that he sees you now isn’t enough)

He’s the definition of “you fell first, but he fell harder”

Kunikida feels at peace with you. Even if you didn’t match all of his ideals for his ideal partner (because realistically no one probably would), he’s content with that. You mesh so well with him, and honestly- it’s hard to picture anyone else being his partner but you

#bsd.txts #messages.txts #writings.txts #🥀.txts #bsd x gender neutral reader #bsd x reader #bsd x y/n #bsd x you #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd kunikida x reader #doppo kunikida x reader #kunikida x you #kunikida x reader #bsd doppo kunikida x reader #gender neutral reader

138 notes · View notes

chaifootsteps · 6 months ago

Note

Ok, so many years ago Onision featured this woman he referred to as Meilyn on his channel and social media posts. She came out recently on reddit for a AMA about onision and I laughed at what she revealed.

The basic gist

She was an actress from a talent agency, she needed the money bad so she ended up starring in a lot of his skits.

She was never his friend, she did not like him or how he acted both on and off camera.

Apparently he was way too comfortable around her and ripped ass in front of her and would try confining personal things and she would ask him to stop. She said she tried emphasizing the relationship was professional only and he kept trying to overstep boundaries .

She use to stay very long hours for filming to the point she wouldn't be able to get something to eat and neither would the other actors. She said many quit for that reason.

She said one time when she was "working" onision was fighting with people on social media, so she kept reminding him she was on the clock.

Some times they would go together to get food since she'd complain she was hungry and since he's vegan he'd bitch about her food choices and she'd tell him she didn't care. During those times he'd take pictures with her and post them online they were hanging out when they weren't. She asked him to take down the photos and he refused.

She ended up quitting because Onision would "forget" to pay her and cry that the alimony payments were draining his funds.

So... Overall I found it so enlightening what she revealed. I use to wonder what happened to her, turns out she was just doing a job and Onion boy couldn't pay up which is why she disappeared. I just found it so hilarious how she kept emphasizing they were never friends and everything he'd post about them being friends was either taken out of context or twisted.

It made me think of Viv because I wouldn't be shocked if a lot of the people she has around are just there for a check. Especially those "Broadway Besties".

Every time Viv's Broadway stars sing her praises, I remember that person from a while back who said that Broadway cast members are essentially host club girlfriends for whatever production they're currently doing. That it comes with the territory. So yeah, wouldn't be a shock at all.

Also, I wish Onision a very pleasant rot in jail.

#Anonymous #viv stuff #actual blog post

28 notes · View notes

bri1234 · 29 days ago

Text

Safe With Me

Book: The Princess Swap

Pairing: M!Clarke x F!MC

Word count: 1553

Rating: Teen, angst

Warning: Does mention death

Summary: Clarke shares a side of himself with Daisy that very few, if any, know about him.

A/N: I was originally going to post this September 22nd but life got in the way and I was never able to finish it lol. But I finally had a chance to this weekend. It’s very rough, so I hope to re-edit it soon.

Anyway, this goes with the prompt diary and Clarke for the September Monthly Challenge if it's not too late to submit.

@choicescommunityevents @choicesficwriterscreations

Not many people know who the heartthrob and cynical Prince of Ismar truly is.

He built his walls so high after the death of his sister Ayda that the only person he let in was Eren, a member of his court and best friend. He was the only one who seemed to understand the pain Clarke went through because he felt the exact same. The three of them were inseparable when they were younger after all.

Of course Clarke's parents loved Ayda, but the way they handled her death made him feel angry and frustrated and so utterly alone. He felt powerless at the fact that he couldn’t even mourn or honor his own sister properly.

Dealing with these emotions during his teenage years forced him to bury so much of himself. He thought that maybe he needed to see a professional, someone he could talk to about Ayda, someone who could help him cope with everything his parents put him through.

All he did was ask his mother and father if he could see a therapist, but both immediately denied him, saying it would only show “weakness” in the family.

Eren, being Clarke's closest friend, suggested writing out how he was feeling. Clarke originally protested at first, claiming that he didn’t want to keep a “diary.”

“Clarke, I understand it goes against your mysterious nature, but I’ll be the only person who knows. Besides, it might help you process your feelings better than just letting them overwhelm you daily,” Eren told him after refusing several times.

Eventually, Clarke caved. He found an empty journal within the castle and brought it to his room. He sat down at his desk, opened the journal, and started writing. As he kept writing, he found that he very much enjoyed it. So much so, that he eventually filled journals upon journals of his thoughts and feelings.

As the years passed by, he found himself writing less and less, but he would write whenever important events happened in his life or the topic of Ayda came back up.

He was now back in Ismar after a whirlwind of the past several months in Monterre with Daisy. They’ve been engaged for two months now, and he’s never been so happy.

Now, he was back home for the first time since Daisy had insisted on going with him to Ismar to convince his parents to let him come back to Monterre. Back when he didn't know that she was not Princess Rose, but a completely different person.

Clarke was standing in his room, holding a brand-new picture frame with a picture of Daisy and him during their engagement photos. A smile spread across his face as he was pulled back into the memory of the day these pictures were taken in Monterre.

But he shook his head, pulling himself out of the memory and remembering the task at hand; get back to Daisy as fast as possible before his parents start bombarding her with insane questions about her life back in the States. He knows that Daisy can handle herself, but he doesn’t wish his parents inconsiderate questions on anyone, especially his future wife.

His feet carried him to his desk, where he placed the picture frame on one of its shelves. As he set it down, his eyes caught on one of his notebooks. He forgot to bring his current one with him to Monterre, but didn’t even think about writing anything since he met Daisy.

Completely distracted by the journal, he sat down at his desk and flipped through the pages to his latest entry. It was the day when his parents told him that he would be leaving soon to “court” Princess Rose of Monterre. Clarke chuckled as he skimmed the page. If only he knew what was in store for him all those months ago.

He flipped through more pages, and eventually came across an entry he made a year ago. It was about an argument his parents and him had about Ayda. Frowning, he flipped to another page, not wanting to relive one of the many arguments that hurt him more than his parents would ever know.

After reading for a few minutes, he decided to start writing, retelling the past few months.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Out of habit, he quickly shut his journal and turned around, making sure that his notebook was hidden behind him.

He watched as the door opened to reveal Daisy. A smile spread across his face as she entered his room.

“You will not believe the amount of questions your parents just asked me about the public school system in Ohio,” Daisy said laughing as she flopped down on the edge of Clark’s bed.

Clarke let out a dry laugh as he abandoned his desk, sitting down next to her in two strides.

“Of course they did,” he said, rolling his eyes. After everything Daisy has proved to them, they still feel the need to ask her questions like that.

Daisy laced her hand through Clarkes, sensing the silent anger he felt towards his parents simmering.

“Good thing I have a handsome prince to defend me,” she added, resting her head on his shoulder. A small smile spread across his face as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Before Clarke could respond, Daisy asked, “Were you writing something?” She was looking right at his journal placed on his desk.

Leaving her spot at the edge of Clarke’s bed, she went to his desk to investigate.

Clarke found himself not moving. Normally when people were even near his journals, aka his parents, he would go into flight or fight mode, making sure that neither of them saw. But with Daisy, he felt oddly at peace knowing that she would now know this part of him.

Now at his desk, she picked up the journal and gave him a questioning look.

“You can read it if you would like to,” he responded, answering her question before she could even ask it.

“I don’t have to if it’s something you want kept private,” she responded, knowing that sometimes people write just for themselves.

“Daisy,” he started as he jumped up and went to stand next to her. He gently cupped both of her cheeks with his hands. “We’re getting married in a few months. There is nothing I wish to keep from you.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and then one to her lips.

She smiled against his lips, wishing that he would show the world this side of him more often.

When he pulled away, he continued, “Besides, I was going to tell you about my journals at some point.”

“Journals?” she questioned. “I didn’t even know that you wrote.”

“That’s because no one knows besides Eren, and now you,” he said smiling, stepping away and getting onto his knees.

“Clarke, what are you—,” Daisy’s words caught in her throat before she could finish. She watched as he pulled back the carpet they were standing on, revealing a loose floorboard. He easily pulled back the board, unveiling about five other journals. Daisy knelt down beside him.

“You can read whatever you want. Most entries are about Ayda. And the journal you have in your hands is my most recent one. The last entry I have before the one I was writing was written the day before I met you.”

She knew he had kept his heart guarded for so long after Ayda died. And all the things his parents did, along with the press trying to get to him, made everything so much worse.

“Thank you for sharing this with me, I know it must have been hard to keep all of this in for so many years,” she said, looking into his bright blue eyes.

“It was, but I know I’m safe with you.” He said, looking back at her with pure adoration in his eyes. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go talk to my parents about their manners.”

Daisy chuckled. “Don’t be too hard on them, the public school system in the States is kind of crazy.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, laughing as he stood up and went to the door.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes, but have fun reading the many secrets of the cynical Prince of Ismar,” he voiced jokingly.

Regardless of his amusing tone, he felt a sense of relief now that he can share more of this side of himself with the one person that truly seems to understand and care for him.

“Hey Clarke,” Daisy said right before he walked out.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

A smile spread across his face and his heart felt full for the first time in a long time.

He turned back to look at her, “I love you too.”

Daisy watched as he left, closing the door behind him. Looking at the journals in front of her, she slid the floor board back into place and laid the carpet back over it. She figured she would save those for another day.

Standing up, she took his most recent journal and sat down at his desk. She flipped to his latest entry. It had today's date.

Smiling, she started to read.

#the princess swap #choices tps #prince clarke x mc #choices fandom #playchoices #choices stories we play #pixelberry #choices fanfic #choices royals

10 notes · View notes

piracytheorist · 5 months ago

Text

So as I mentioned, I got my copy of the Family Portrait stories!

It feels weird to suddenly have to turn the pages the left-to-right way, lol. But I guess it wouldn't work the right-to-left way for a book translated to English.

Opening it there's this cute illustration, as well as the winter-y one on the back, which kinda makes me wonder: why is it bound on the book?? I wished there was a safe way for me to rip it off and hang it on my wall. Anyway, both illustrations are super cute!

And so my collection continues to grow!

I might order the Eyes Only guide soon, I'm just wary of it including spoilers from a few future chapters. So we'll see. In any case, this might be the first time since I was a child collecting Disney's Ducks comics (and I wasn't that meticulous with those, even) that I've made such a collection! Should things keep going well I intend to keep buying the volumes to the end of the story :D

Spoilered thoughts about the stories included in the book below!

The first mission with the Eden kids going camping actually reminded me that I can find the dynamic between Anya and Damian pretty funny, at least from seeing how stubborn Damian gets. The illustration especially of Damian holding Anya's hand with Anya going like "He can be nice for real??" and Damian going like "How dare she manipulate me into feeling bad for her!!" is terrific and the only way I'll ever see this dynamic, thanks. Also really loved the moment of Damian kinda and dismissively admitting to himself he's also scared of the thunderstorm. Also found it really funny how at the end, Loid is described as handsome XD the writer knew her audience!

In the second story I think I lost count how many times I laughed. While with a deep, interesting layer, Yuri is just so entertaining to me. The most normal guy ever, wishing he was an ingredient so his sister could chop him into her dishes along with pieces of the cutting board 🥰

No, but really, I think there was a lot of care in writing Yuri here. His inner monologue is unending and bound to give Anya a headache, though it was quite sudden to hear him refer to her as a bastard and the spawn of Loid's loins 😳 but I liked the darker tone as he "acted" as a cop and took out his frustrations on the actor, picturing him as a potentially-abusive Loid. It ticks at a very interesting dynamic which I very much hope Endo explores at some point :D

(I actually wonder if there will be a moment post-identity reveal (where Yuri also knows about both Loid and Yor) and he makes a really ugly quip at Anya and Loid goes all protective like "Say whatever you want about me, but hurt my daughter again and I won't hesitate, bitch")

While I found Anya's "interrogation" scene funny, I found it a bit repetitive that she used the same technique that she used with the Red Circus guy from the bullet-in-butt date. Small note, but still XD

For the third story I have both praises and criticism... I understand how it was needed for the story, but I don't like it when characters' disabilities are taken away. It would have made for a bit more complicated setting but it would have been a little more respectful to have Alessa unable to see Franky because she had eye surgery for whatever reason aside from being blind before, and she had bandages on and couldn't see. And Franky would feel like he's on borrowed time because he knows from day to day she'll get the bandages off and she'll face him.

Also, making her nineteen instead of sixteen is just on the verge. And because I have met people who are now professional singers... nineteen is way too young to be considered for opera. She could be training, of course, but it's a very long-term investment. There's a reason most opera singers you see in concerts are in their late twenties at the earliest. And I get that she comes from a musical background and she has a talent or whatever, but again. She could have been aged up to mid-twenties and to me it would have made much more sense.

But as for the good parts, I was actually surprised by how convincing Franky was about wanting to deceive her. And when Twilight turned and asked "Are you sure you're okay with this?" I might have felt a chill. I should have given Franky more credit, haha. And the banter between them was nice, with Twilight teetering on thinking of Franky as a friend, and how Franky ended up handling the situation... that was good, I liked it.

I had already read the last story through a fan translation, so I wasn't surprised by anything new there. It was just as fun and wacky as you'd expect it to be. By the way, I liked the point that story drove on, that despite the painter's success and fame, he only had a cheap apartment for himself and donated all his earnings so that future art students could paint without worrying about the cost of their supplies. Very in touch with the whole story's message :)

What struck me as odd was when Loid hugged Anya to keep the pretense of him being a doting father. I was like "He would not fucking do that" cause we know homeboy isn't ready for such proximity, and an actual hug between Anya and Loid has to have a big impact, the times he held her up while she slept or whatever notwithstanding.

But the ending was really sweet, with Twilight feeling a sense of warmth and getting a bit of honesty in his smile. The last illustration by Endo was very fitting!

Overall, it was interesting to hold a book in my hands and read about the characters that way. I think Aya Yajima did a good job capturing the characters, and I'm always happy to read Endo's afterwords, he really seems like a very chill and down-to-earth guy.

#sxf #sxf family portrait

13 notes · View notes

stanheighttrapped · 1 year ago

Text

Voyeur

"What do voyeurs see when they look in the mirror?"

Adam grew up observing everything he could. No matter how insignificant it seemed, he would always make a mental note of it. A specific change in scent, a person turning sharply as though they forgot something important, a couple readjusting their hands into a more comfortable position. It wasn't like he could say it was never on purpose, no, he knew what he was doing but there was something so fascinating about observing. About knowing things that people don't pick up on.

It helps him a lot throughout school, lets him keep his head down since he knows things and his classmates know that he knows things. The ones who don't learn quickly why they should, usually in the form of the cops pounding on their door due to an anonymous tip of illegal possession of drugs and a one way ticket to juvie. He isn't just left alone though, he's the person everyone goes to if they need dirt on someone. Need to find out if your boyfriend is fucking that cheerleader? Adam can find out. Need to get dirt on the bestfriend who betrayed you? Adam can get you the worst of it. So yeah, Adam wasn't necessarily liked by his peers in high school, but they valued him enough to leave him alone unless they needed his skill.

When he'd gone to college, his 'hobby' of sorts had followed him. Word spread around that if you needed information on anyone in the city, all you had to do was bring their full name and a $20 bill and you'd get their entire life story in about a week and a half. Before long, he had to start turning people away unless they were willing to pay a higher price or needed it for legal dirt because there were simply too many people who asked him for his services. Sometimes it made things awkward with people who didn't know about his side gig as they had assumed by 'services' he meant sex work. After a certain point he stopped trying to explain that no, he wasn't a prostitute, he just followed people to make a few extra bucks.

And after he'd dropped out, he somehow managed to keep that job going if on a more professional level. He didn't have a secretary to sort through all of the requests he got, but he was getting hired by higher profile people. Politicians, lawyers, sheriffs all had picked up on the kid who could track damn near anyone and not be caught. He raised his rates and, somehow, realized he could actually survive like this. Granted, it wasn't easy living, but it was better than trying to find somewhere other than a god damn McDonald's to hire him. All he had to do was follow people around, take a few photos, and boom he had an extra couple hundred dollars for the night. It paid his rent and kept him mostly fed, what more could he ask for?

Then he got the job to follow Lawrence Gordon. The man was a doctor, oncologist specifically, and was the prime suspect for the Jigsaw murders in the eyes of Detective Tapp. Tapp had paid a pretty penny for this job, nearly $450 which was more than enough motivation for Adam to take the job. Dr. Gordon was the typical doctor, rich and had a surprising amount of time on his hands for someone who worked with cancer patients. Apparently he had a wife and a daughter, but it didn't seem like a happy marriage especially when Adam followed Lawrence to that shitty motel to fuck a med student. Despite all of this, there was something about Lawrence Gordon that drew Adam in. Something about the older man tugged at something deep inside Adam's mind, something terrifying. He had never taken pleasure in his job necessarly, it was a job like one anyone else might do, but with this one, it became a game to him. To see just how close he could get to Lawrence without being caught. The fear in Lawrence's eyes when he'd stop and look around, hair on the back of his neck standing up in a warning of somethine he chouldn't see made Adam go a little more insane each time. By the time he'd gotten enough pictures and information for Tapp, there were dozens of pictures of Lawrence pinned up in his dark room that had started bleeding into the rest of his apartment. Before this job, he had never liked to call himself a stalker, opting usually for 'private investiagtor', but now? Now he couldn't call himself anything else. Not when he had a plan to continue following Lawrence after handing the pictures off to the detective.

As it turns out, he didn't even have to. Not when he woke up inside that fucking bathroom with none other than Lawrence Gordon chained across from him, just out of reach like always. It drove Adam slightly mad when he wasn't thinking about how they were definitely locked in a Jigsaw trap, how he was finally face to face with Lawrence and he couldn't do a single damn thing. There was something strange with the idea that Lawrence knew what he looked like, but had no idea who he was. Lawrence was clueless to the fact that the man he was telling about his wife and daughter had known about them for weeks now. Oh Adam knew so much more than Lawrence would ever realize and if that didn't do something to Adam's head, pleasure simmering low in his gut at the mere thought.

But then the clock struck six and Lawrence got that fucking phone call. Watching him saw his own foot off was indeed terrifying, getting shot by him was worse. Then the guy behind it, Zepp is what Lawrence called him, had burst into the bathroom with a gun, spouting about how Lawrence hadn't finished his game on time and needed to die. Now, Adam couldn't let that happen. No, he would do anything to keep Lawrence Gordon alive, even if it meant killing a man. Killing wasn't the right word, however, it was more mauling. Adam had mauled a man for Lawrence. It wasn't even a conscious choice, he had just done it. Picked up that porcelain lid and brought it down onto Zepp over and over and over, almost relishing in the warmth that came from the blood splattering against him.

Adam wasn't one to beg, he never had been, but right now he would have kissed Lawrence's feet if he still had both of them and the ability to do such if it meant Lawrence wouldn't leave. He knew Lawrence needed to get help otherwise they'd both die, but as he reached out and grasped at whatever part of Lawrence he get get ahold of, all he could think about was that he couldn't let Lawrence go. He couldn't. But Lawrence had promised, said he wouldn't lie to Adam, that he'd come back for him. That had been a day and a half ago, based on that stupid clock that was still ticking away. He knew Lawrence wasn't coming back, he wasn't stupid. All he had now was Zepp's corpse, the shattered pieces of the mirror, and the photos of Lawrence.

Those words from the tape playing on loop in his mind. What does a voyeur see when they look in a mirror? The last thing he sees before that plastic bag is pulled over his head and he chokes on his own blood is a glimpse of himself in one of the mirrors across from him, but he doesn't know who he sees. After all, no one had ever paid him to take photos of himself.

#saw #saw 2004 #adam stanheight #lawrence gordon #chainshipping #i think this is technically a character study of adam more than chainshipping though #my brain produced this but i don't think it's long enough for ao3 so #here you go!

34 notes · View notes