#so many of his stories have deep nd themes

[plant-ago]

brennan lee mulligan will make a character that is simply so neurodivergent

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: “You don’t know me!” - 7x5

In 2x8, Buck told a woman, “You don’t even know me!” and according to the script for episode 5 in season 7, the title of it will be almost an exact match since it's "You don’t know me!” and it appears to be a callback to his comment.

Since it's possible some may not have watched 2x8 Buck Actually in a while, here’s a quick reminder of the conversation Buck had with Bobby.  They were discussing TK and how Buck hooked up with her in a bar restroom but Buck told him that since he had finally let go of AC, he thought she had changed him 🙄. Then he proceeded to say he had only been single for like a day and he was back to basically being Buck 1.0. When they entered the gas station, Buck kept talking to Bobby about how he was thinking about calling TK but he didn’t want her to think he was only after one thing.  While Hen was treating the woman robber victim, she overheard Buck talking and commented, “You are only after one thing.  Jerk!”.  Buck responded, “You don’t even know me!” and she replied, “You’re a man, I know enough!”

Why is this important?

It’s important because the theme of “You don’t know me” has been applied to Buck with regards to every hookup or so-called “relationship” he’s had with different women on the show.  Let’s be real for a minute because the truth is none of them AC, AM, TK, ND, Dr. Wells nor the two women he hooked up with in season 1 knew him either.  Also, the woman who made the comment was a random victim who overheard Buck talking for less than a minute and she thought she knew Buck just because he’s a man. It was implied that all men want to do is hookup and leave like he did with TK but Buck has been and continues to search for the love of his life. The conversation he had with her connects to the one he had with Eddie in 6x15 while they were standing in the cemetery.

Buck said, “I feel like I have to try and be the same old Buck… mostly for the sake of everyone else” and Eddie responded, “You don’t have to be anything for anybody”.

IMO, their comments were being made directly to the audience and they were for the people who, after six seasons still want to keep seeing Buck do the same thing over and over again (I know it’s hard to believe but trust and believe there are people in the GA and in the 9-1-1 fandom who want to keep Buck on the hamster wheel and I think it’s because they DON’T WANT HIM TO BE WITH EDDIE).  These are the viewers who would rather he keep randomly hooking up with people (it could be anybody and it doesn’t matter if it’s irrational, nonsensical, illogical, random or whatever/whomever just as long as they can see him hookup with another guy or another random love interest) instead of him finally accepting the love that him and Eddie effortlessly share with one another.  I’ve said this many times, Buck and Eddie are in love with each other, they’re soulmates (post linked here) and they share a once in a lifetime love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.  They have a deep, emotional and intimate connection that’s not superficial and it’s not based on a hookup.  They have an EPIC love story that deserves to be told without any more distractions or the addition of one-dimensional love interests.  It’s not platonic, it’s romantic and if they do go CANON, it will make for groundbreaking television.

Back to our regularly scheduled program…

After the title for 7x5 was released a few weeks ago, I completed a post about how Connor really doesn’t know Buck the way he said he does in 6x4 (linked here) and I stand by everything I included in it.  However, this post is in addition to that one and it includes the details about how all the women Buck dated didn’t know him either.

In 1x1, the first woman Buck was shown hooking up with in the firetruck told him to his face that she didn’t want to get to know him.  He asked her for her number and she replied, “You’re cute and you’re very good at whatever it is we just did but let’s not ruin it by getting to know each other.” She didn't want to get to know him and the look on his face showed he wanted more but she didn't so he moved on to the next one.

Dr. Wells was the LAFD’s trauma therapist and SHE TRIED TO BEFRIEND Buck on Facebook before he ever entered her office.  She knew the day would come when he would need therapy and when he asked her if she sent him a friend request, she told him he should delete it but then they ended up having sex.  It was played off like a joke but that’s not what it was because she was in a position of power and as a licensed therapist, she should have been charged because it’s against the law for that to happen. IMO, since Buck didn't know any better, as his captain, Bobby should have reported her. She wasn't mentioned again until 3x9 when Buck, Bobby, Chimney and Eddie were sitting in the loft at the firehouse and all Bobby said was "She's no longer with the department". That wasn't enough and she took advantage of him. Trust and believe the situation would have ended differently if the roles had been reversed.

AC wasn’t any different because after Buck stood by her and helped her after her mom died, he was being catfished by a man and several women were after him because of that guy's lies. After a woman threw a drink in his face, he said to her, “You know me right? Come on” and she replied, “I don’t even know who I am right now. But I definitely don’t feel like I know who you are right now.” She ended up ghosting him and abandoning him while he waited for her for months.

When she returned two years later, she didn't even apologize to him.

AM didn’t know Buck either and don’t get sidetracked by the fact that she called him Evan sometimes.  It was proven she didn’t know who he is when she said, “I know it’s who you are” after he said, “You want me to quit my job”.  Well, being a firefighter is NOT who Buck is, it’s what he does but she clearly saw him as a hot firefighter just like AC did and was looking for a good time. Please remember she didn't have a problem leaving him because of it.

TK didn’t know Buck at all and for everyone who thinks just because they were having sex and living together, that doesn’t mean anything because after meeting four years earlier, TK still had no idea who Buck was before it was over and she didn’t care.  If she had known him then she wouldn’t have betrayed his trust.  Also, he did cheat on her which made the situation worse but neither of them wanted to admit they weren’t supposed to be together and they clung instead of just ending it.  When he got ready to break up with her, she didn't try to see his side of it, she just stuck to her immoral ideals and wanted him to be ok with her running with the Jonah story.  Instead of saying, “I understand and I apologize” she said, “You knew who I was when we started dating” and he replied, “I guess I thought I could learn to live with it”.  She made it all about her the same way Buck makes everything about himself. They were two self-centered people with tragic childhoods in a trainwreck relationship and it shouldn’t have ever happened. It's still interesting that Buck ended up in a relationship with her after everything she did to Bobby and the 118 four years earlier (related post linked here and here).

ND fangirled over Buck and was so enthralled by his death but when she found out he had a full life, she did judge him.  He said, “I know this is something that’s easy to judge” but even though she said that him being a sperm donor was a kind gesture or whatever, she left because she couldn't handle his full life. Granted she was a death doula but her actions weren't professional and it would have been better if she would have helped him deal with his death. Her return should have ended with Buck saying "No thanks" and sending her on her way but of course he was shoved into another lackluster one dimensional relationship. Also, them telling each other, “I like you” was very high school like🙄.

Please understand, I don't like TK but in 4x8 she said, "You just can't stand the idea of someone not liking you" and she was right. Buck works hard to make people like him and it's very reminiscent of the way he's been trying to get his parents to love him anyway. He needs therapy.

It seems like he's still doing it and the words Bobby spoke in 6x11 during his coma dream had no effect since he still cares about how people see him. He hasn't learned anything yet but hopefully he will in season 7.

Eddie Diaz is the ONLY person on the show who KNOWS and SEES Buck and the video above includes several snippets from different episodes to prove it.

Eddie knows him at his core. He knows when to call him on his BS, he recognizes when Buck makes things about himself and he knows when he's trying to fix things instead of understanding it's not always his job to fix them.

Maddie is Buck's sister but she still sees Evan (post linked here) her little brother but Eddie knows Buck and after they become a CANON couple, he’ll know Buck even more. 

While I’m not sure who’s going to say, “You don’t know me” in 7x5 or if it will be said at all, I do believe Buck might say it again and if he does, it will be a callback to 2x8. Also, 6x15 could be included in it since Buck might not be trying to be the "same old Buck" anymore and hopefully it will be enough for the naysayers to understand he's not the same person. IMO, I still think it’s something he will say to Connor especially since the sperm donor arc is supposed to return and OS said in an interview it won’t be revisited before the first 5 episodes.  Hopefully, Buck will finally realize the people he thought knew him really don’t including Connor.

Is it possible Eddie could say it to M, maybe but I don’t know because IMO that doesn’t sound like something he would say to anyone.  But he is all therapized now and he’s supposed to be joking or whatever this season so who knows.

The point of this post is to illustrate how Buck said, “You don’t even know me” in 2x8 and apparently, it’s going to be a callback in 7x5 but the question is, if he does say it, who’s he going to say it to? 👀 

[monstersinthecosmos]

Hi!! I would love to hear your thoughts about Marius' experience of captivity and how this affects his relationship with Armand. You alluded to this in Gallows Bird and I think that's a super interesting thread to pull

[ Let me drop these two fics real quick to get it out of the way for reference sorry if this is obnoxious LOL but Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) and The Lotus Eater (Armand/Daniel) !! ]

Asdgahsdk oh boy

I have so many deep nuanced feelings about Marius de Romanus so be patient with me while I try to sketch this all out, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START!

So one thing I want to mention off the bat, which is not necessarily canon VC but is relevant to my fics and how I write, is that I process a lot of ND/ADHD stuff when I write, and this goes way back before I even knew I had ADHD. So even going back to like my earlier VC fics from like 5-6 years ago, I think I was constantly inserting traits of myself into my fics and trying to process them in the way that I thought they were just character flaws at the time. AND LIKE this is also relevant because I wrote Gallows Bird to be directly correlating to my Devil’s Minion fics. For example, in The Lotus Eater, one of my huge emotional cornerstones in that fic/me talking about my own perceived character flaws, was the “he had been careless with this boy” theme. And I repeated that in Gallows Bird on purpose to link them lol. So that example is like, I was really inspired by like how ADHD can ruin things on accident; like you don’t take care of something, miss a deadline, break something by being careless even though you DO CARE. At the time when I wrote The Lotus Eater I had no idea about ADHD so I just thought it was like this bad part of my personality that I was really struggling with. I am more forgiving of that now.

And I connect this also to Marius in Gallows Bird because like, something I really struggled with as a person is like the ND/ADHD impulse to like RELATE TO PEOPLE when they’re trying to talk, like bringing up my own experience as a way to say “Something like this happened to me too so I can empathize with you”, which is always well intentioned! And I’ve seen so much convo from ND folks that struggle with this because NT folks tend to misunderstand it as changing the subject/being narcissistic/whatever.

Anyway!!!!!!!!! Sorry for that preamble but I’m saying that like, I kind of approach writing Marius as a mix of canon & projection, because yknow it’s my fuckin story and I feel like it lol but I think like the fun of fanfic and what makes people’s styles unique and interesting is our mix of perspectives and personalities and like how we choose to fill in the blanks in canon or interpret characters, right?

Canon Marius makes a few comments when he meets Armand about how like, this is someone who is as bruised and damaged as he is, and someone who can heal him, and he feels their souls understand each other. And Canon Marius is like, arrogant enough (by his own admission!) to see the absolute HORRIFIC trauma the Armand went through and go “Oh yeah I had horrific trauma too.”

How do we compare Armand’s trauma to Marius’s trauma? Idk. No one can answer that because we all respond to trauma differently. So I think to some extent there’s some headcanon territory here of how everyone interprets Marius, and do we believe him that his trauma was SO SEVERE that it IS on par with what’s happened to Armand? Or do we believe what he went through isn’t so bad/was 1500 years ago and he’s being obnoxious by comparing the two because he should be healed by now?

I’d also ask like, to what extent is neither true/is it not that fucking deep, like is Marius simply saying “wow this looks really bad, I want to know him for centuries so he has time to grow and heal”; like perhaps Marius at this point sees his captivity & murder as this awful thing that happened to him 1500 years ago and maybe it feels sort of disconnected.

BUT I DON’T KNOW, the thing about Marius is that he’s so fucking stoic! Like I know I’ve brought it up a couple times recently but it’s because I was reading some Marcus Aurelius to put in Gallows Bird lol so using that to like fill in some blanks with Marius, he reads like someone who is constantly trying to rationalize away his own emotions. And like! IDK! Maybe beliefs about psychology are always a phases or temporary until we learn more, but reading him in 2023 I just call bullshit on that! It doesn’t work that way! So who’s to say that his 1500 year old trauma isn’t actually still very close to the surface, and who’s to say he can’t be easily retraumatized whenever it comes up because he’s never meaningfully recovered?

AND LIKE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED TRAUMA THE AFTERMATH IS SO OFTEN ABOUT JUST FINDING CONTROL OVER WHATEVER YOU CAN, NO MATTER HOW USELESS OR UNHEALTHY IT IS. And that's also the sort of central thesis of Gallows Bird; giving Armand a space to process his trauma where he's in control. And for Marius it's just really sad how often he tries to control his own personality, his own feelings, his own mask, the way people perceive him, and it's such a struggle for him that it always eventually collapses.

I want to pause here for a second too and bring up a couple old posts I’ve written so I’m not repeating myself too much LOL but let’s also consider:

Trauma Hole Theory and if vampires are stuck forever within the trauma of their turning

Marius & Armand’s equal-opposite religious trauma

Marius’s struggle with feeling emotion

I think if we start dissecting ANY vampire in VC we’ll see thematic ways that their turning has traumatized them forever, between the violence/trauma around the act itself but also whatever ways they’ve been frozen as their mortal selves. Lestat is a perpetually insecure 20 year old who can’t emotionally regulate and must prove himself to everybody, Louis is someone who didn’t want to live at all and was given eternal life rather than death, Armand is deeply wounded and fucked up but is having like 2 years of relative peace and safety. And Marius is like, older, has lived life, knows what he’s losing and gaining, and has his entire worldview shattered after spending a year resenting religious zealots only to find out that everything they believed was true.

So I bring all these points up because I don’t think there’s a simple answer or a direct correlation here. Marius recognizes that they’ve each suffered a trauma, but he hasn’t really dealt with his own in a meaningful way, therefore he is not equipped to help Armand deal with his either.

I constantly go back to when Marius hits him after they come back from Kiev and I think this really hammers it home for me—Marius is someone who wants to strangle all of his emotions into submission, and he’s really trying to believe that it’s a matter of willpower to simply NOT FEEL THINGS. So much of Marcus Aurelius is about this! AND IN SOME WAYS LIKE, YEAH THIS IS MAYBE AN ANCIENT VERSION OF CBT??? Like we do CBT to patiently teach ourselves to think differently, but it’s obviously not as easy as simply shutting your emotions off or bullying yourself out of feeling any. And he’s trying SO SO hard to be this way, and it doesn’t work, so it’s not going to work on Armand either!

And like it’s not Marius simply being a dickhead, simply being abusive; I do think he’s really trying, but he’s fucking lost! HE HAS LIVED LIES! And god it just really hurts to see him as someone who struggles with this shit and who lies to himself about it, LIKE WHO HASN’T BEEN THERE? How many of us who struggle with mental health haven’t had those moments like, those tiny glimpses seeing behind the veil and being honest with yourself, but being so fucking powerless and not knowing what to do with it.

I know I’ve personally had moments of realization like “I am going to be like this forever” and it’s SO defeating, and imagining that sentiment for someone who will LIVE FOREVER just hurts me so bad!

We see this trope in media sometimes—certainly it’s based in real life!—of parents projecting onto children, trying to correct mistakes by breaking a cycle, but which only serves to treat their child like an extension of themselves and not a whole individual. So I think of that, too—Marius seeing himself in someone who was also abducted, and even though he also plans to turn Armand, he wants it to be beautiful and gentle! (He even changes his mind about it several times before he does it in a panic because Armand is dying! {this is heavily referenced in Gallows Bird because he realizes he's fucked Armand up to much to let him live anyway.} ) He also is sorta trying to fake it till he makes it with all this emotional stuff; like even though he KNOWS he can’t simply shut emotions off, he’s still trying to teach Armand to. And going back to Marius being a lil arrogant, I think sometimes he does project himself onto other people, or treat people better if they remind him of himself. So like, projecting some wounded version of himself onto Armand to try to rescue, vs risking it all for Lestat a few centuries later because someone who reminds him of himself actually WANTS to be rescued.

The IRONY too that like he spends his whole time in captivity as a skeptic, not believing that there is a God in the Grove, and for that entity to turn out to be a vampire!!! Marius presenting HIMSELF as a god-figure to Armand, but trying to be safe and friendly about it! I don’t know man I’m really fucking hsdkjgladsghkjl upset right now lol

And after all that like, not really knowing what exactly happened to Armand to indoctrinate him into the cult, just knowing that he’s thriving with them, that he gave it all up to be their leader, is such a betrayal of everything and so traumatizing!

Gosh.

Anyway.

I DON’T’ KNOW WHERE TO START I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO END, THINKING ABOUT THIS FUCKS ME UP I HOPE THIS ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION LOL

[tuliptyper]

HI SORRY FOR THE VAGUE REQUESTS BUT I WANNA HEAR ANY THOUGHTS U HAVE ON DOOMHEAD OR FOXY i enjoy them so badly 🙏 no pressure ofc pls take ur time mwah

YES OFC!! ANYTIME FOR U MOOT 🙏🧎

im sorry i only did doomhead bc i had more ideas for him and it looked weird to have like paragraphs abt DH and 4 sentences about foxy 😭😭 ill write a separate post about him if you want nws!!

rlly messy post, a mix of thoughts + headcanons with a LOT of projection (potentially ooc) proofread but still shitty

LONG POST!

TW for suggestive themes and angst i mean...this is doomhead we're talking about

- my backstory headcanons differ slightly from yours (please check out imeldas DH headcanons theyre great!);

- i think he came from a well-off family but was definitely abused and neglected. growing up in the time and place that he did, he had no support and was forced to take his future into his own hands. he probably ran away or estranged himself from his family as early as possible (possibly stealing a few stacks to keep him afloat)

- pre 31 he was most likely a petty criminal who got mixed up in some violence, possibly word got around and he was picked up by Father Murder (i imagine it the same way models are recruited on the street and thats funny)

- i agree that hes been in 31 since its conception, hes definitely the top dog, the most reliable and efficient Head out there. I'd like to think Father taught him a thing or two about hunting numbers down (and how to clean his messier kills) so younger/less experienced Heads definitely aim to be at least acknowledged by him

- i think doomie does many odd jobs just to pass time between 31 ; security at seedy bars, occasional plumbing/installation jobs etc. not only does it help with his small-time acting (being able to play and adapt to many roles) but it also allows him to slip into the background of the community. hes not too important but not too insignificant either

- i think the face paint and theatrics was his idea. i believe Father (and co) are just hardcore snuff/sadists and just wanted to see their victims in fear, but DH really took it upon himself to add character (and subsequently more fear) to his job! slay

- being involved with 31 and all, i think he has a few connections with organized criminals, especially considering he has to obtain fake IDs and alibis. hes grown quite friendly with a few respected mobsters and its rewarded him handsomely

- with all this said! i don't think hes some perfectly suave, totally composed Casanova, i believe hes really scared of feeling vulnerable and that makes it hard for him to form any relationships that arent superficial, simply because he doesnt know how to cope well with feeling exposed and emotional around others.

- i diagnose him with (gay) BPD and i think hes very insecure abt that fact. he was probably taught that his emotions were bad so he puts extensive effort into seeming composed and put together around people. one good thing about 31 is that its a space where his bizarre outbursts or even mania is not only accepted but embraced/rewarded so hes got that going for him i guess??

- i think, deep down, he'd really love a somewhat domestic relationship; having somebody at home to eat with, a partner he can rely on, to be cared for and care for someone else. hes a sap at heart, hes just very scared of showing it

- probably wouldn't want kids, even in an accidental knock-up, he'd slip his baby mama plenty of scratch and encourage her to find a man thatll support them. he can always be the distant but fatherly family friend but thats really it (UNLESS you're his s/o then thats a completely different story-)

- probably neurodivergent in some way, simply because i see him as incredibly observant, analytical and calculated when hes focused/interested, traits i typically see in other ND people lol

- my doomhead is definitely queer, he doesnt use labels but i see him spending time at drag shows (in the corner silently handing the queen a stack of cash LOL) at underground gay bars (and had a few fellas for company ykk😏) hes more than aware of the struggles of having no family to support you and needing to make ends meet no matter what (since hes been there himself) so he has respect for such folks

- hes SO committal, especially because he doesn't have many healthy long term relationships. hookups dont mean much to him and really just give him dopamine boosts during the lull of a lonely life (#bars). if you're his s/o, you're his life partner, he would kill and die for you 100%. even if you guys split he would probably just give up on relationships then and there (as sad as that sounds lmao)

- ik the movie is set in the 70s but in a modern setting, i think he'd listen to some quirky, creepy music. probably genres like glam rock and dark cabaret (think scissor sisters and the dresden dolls)

- on that topic!! some songs that remind me of him include

[chattegeorgiana]

Do you think it is a social phenomenon that the majority of SS fans are women?the ship has serious problems like mistreatment and attempted murder between Sakura and Sasuke and Sakura looks obsessive about chasing after a guy who rejected her multiple times and who treats her like shit but those fans always justify those actions of him and because Sasuke was considered twice in the entire manga then the other horrible acts of him do not matter to them.Why do you think this phenomenon would be?

I think it is. I think it's comparable to the social phenomenon we saw happening with 50 shades of gray for example.

In essence, they are terrible love stories. But people are drawn to it because well... you know that all saying?

Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll sell.

But no, really... While in 50 shades of gray the reasoning for which people fell for it it's different, in SS's case it's something different. Of course, there are 2 ways to view this. I'll look at the feminine side, since this is the one we're talking about.

In the feminine angle, it's that old traditional view that has been ingrained into women over and over again for aeons: that she's the one who needs to fix him, no matter his behavior. You don't wanna see how many cases as this I've seen over the years.

Big bad guy that can be saved by the power of love, as if that's all you need in a relationship. To hell with dynamics that work together. That's thrown under the bus. Or be accountable for your own actions and understand that it's not your job to fix someone else's behavior.

It's their own job - if it's the case of fixing in the first place.

But this angle does deeper, like I said in the beginning. It has its roots in this ingrained belief that has been offered to women for years and years and they still continue to do so in the media. Gladly, the world is changing, but still.

That kind of view is dangerous.

But because it's been ingrained for such a long while into the collective feminine, it's hard for even young girls to see that this thing is not okay. Because that's what the environment they are born in, raised and live shows them - you're a woman, thus, you need to respect your man and love him and fix him no matter what shit he does.

That's so outdated.

Another issue that's prevalent here is something that I don't know how many understand. It's actually something I discovered myself while watching a Tony Robbins coaching session.

He said this: rejection breeds obsession. That's when I understood best SS's dynamics and the reason people stuck to it so much.

It was something I was under myself when I first shipped them as I got into the fandom.

I didn't even realized it until years later.

Sasuke rejected Sakura's love multiple times. That's what turned her into this obsessive character. And I know I have some people that stalk my profile and are gonna come at me with all kinds of name calling, but... I'm sorry, even Kishimoto himself called Sakura obsessed over Sasuke in an interview after The Last.

When discussing about the love between NH & NS Kishi says:

“That’s right. But Sakura is addicted to Sasuke.” (laugh) “The reason why Hinata came to like Naruto is clear, but I’ve deliberately avoided writing down the reason why Sakura came to like Sasuke.” (laugh) “That’s because somehow, I had the feeling that it would conversely end up sounding contrived.”

And that's when I understood why.

Obsession and addiction are pretty much sisters in nature. Granted, there are slight differences between them, but their core is very similar: they stem from another deep seated issue. Something you can't make peace with. Something that is lacking in you thus you become addicted to it and obsessed in order to fill that void.

And I think I know what's in the case of Sakura, but I'll refrain from talking about now cuz I'm using it as a plot for Kaika. :D

But the point still stands: Sakura had a void inside of her that she tried to fill it with her 'love' for Sasuke. Only that she got rejected by him, and thus she became obsessed with the idea of Sasuke. With her idea of him though, rather than who he truly was.

Because you know what's interesting to observe as well? This is also based on what Tony Robbins said.

The full quote is this: Rejection breeds obsession, and whatever you resist persists.

I'm going to refer to the second part here. Whatever you resist, persists.

Well, in this case, she resisted the idea of the Sasuke who wanted to go to Orochimaru. Who chose that. But for as much as she resisted the idea (which is another way to say rejecting the idea), that state of affairs continued to persist.

Sasuke still went to Orochimaru. Even her declaration of love couldn't stop him.

Of course, this quote was said in a different context, but thinking about it in depth, you can see how it can be transposed to this.

So I think, in a way, the reason it so much persisted in the fandom was because many of the female fans identified with this side of Sakura, so they fell under the same trap the character did.

So you see, it's a rather complex situation here.

It's a deep seated issue which to resolve, you'd have to come to terms with. And to do that, there's a lot of introspection necessary.

Which I always wonder WHY it lacked on Sakura whenever it came to Sasuke, but when it was in terms of Naruto, she had a lot.

Well, I think it was there to show us something else, but then we got the ending that we got so then those themes were out the window.

It's a shame though.

Being a piece of media with a high focus on bonds, we could've had such great messages and lessons, yet it ended the way it did which isn't telling the right message at all.

But oh well, it is what it is.

[holycow99]

石田お寿司 29/7/21 stream translation Part 1

T/n: This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk. I’ve changed the format as this format seems better. I’ll be writing in this format from now on.

*Someone asked him about his throat.

I: My throat? It’s normal. (t/n: He had a sore throat a few weeks ago)

I: I was asleep when chp 5 was released. It was already dark when I woke up.

*People in the comment praised chp 5.

I: Thank you, thank you. I’m glad you liked it.

C: I’m waiting for the translation!

I: It coming soon. (t/n: He’s speaking in eng.) It sounds like a wrong eng.

C: Are you right handed?

I: Yes, I am.

I: For chapter 6, I’ll probably finish drawing it if I work until the day after tomorrow, even though I haven’t made any progress at all. After that, I’ll add in the typesetting and then it’ll probably finished around 2nd or 3rd August. I’d be bad if I couldn’t get it done after I’ve said this.

C: Fumi (Jack Jeanne’s character) plays erhu? (t/n: OP’s referring to JJ OST album’s illustration.)

I: Yeah. Kosemura Akira (composer for Jack Jeanne) wanted to use erhu when composing Fumi’s theme song. So, he asked a famous person to play it. It’s really rare to have erhu in songs. Not many people in Japan play it. Why did he choose erhu? Then, when imagining what kind of instruments suit each character, for Kai, he has that deep, bass feeling. So, his instrument is double bass. Piano is Kisa. Suzu is, of course, all about hitting the beat. Drum is an important instrument in rhythm creation. For yonaga, it’s a wind instrument. I want him to play a pipe. You won’t understand even if I talk about it. Should I leave the picture here? Wait a min, let me show you.

*Someone commented about Tokyo revengers’ illustration.

I: Oh yes, I did an illustration of Tokyo Revengers’ Mikey. I want to draw Draken as well.

*He showed the illustration of JJ’s characters with instruments.

I: I drew Shirota playing guitar. For some reason, I imagined he could play guitar. And then, instruments like viola (referring to Neji). Otori plays maracas.

I: That’s how it is. And then, we have the Sui exhibition in Nagoya. I’ve been writing report on the event. Isn’t it amazing? Probably not. It’s for myself after all. Rather than for myself, I’d get mixed up if the exhibition is held in a lot of places. 

*He started Playing Ghosts n’ Goblins.

C: I really want to play Ghosts n’ Goblins, but it seems so stressful.

I: It’s not stressful, rather you’d feel angry.

*Giant monsters appeared.

I: Just now on discord, Goubaru texted me saying he wanted to call me, but I rejected. He’s expressing his anger right now. (t/n: He referred the monsters stomping the ground as angry Goubaru.)

C: Sensei, there’s no love counselling session today?

I: It seems like some of you were happy when I gave love advice. There’s someone who became a couple with her childhood friend. She said she’s gonna talk to her bf once again. What was the problem again? Something like she had trouble chatting with her bf through mail. I advised her not to then. Hahaha.

C: Do you remember people who always watch your livestream?

I: Not at all. I do remember you *****-san. (t/n: He mentioned OP’s name)

I: I tried listening to my own stream while working. When I listened to it, I realised I have a tendency to pick comments from specific people. There’re people who know to comment at the right timing, like Y****. (t/n: He mentioned the fan he always chats with) It seems like I pick them based on the colour (?), name length, and comments that are easy to pick. Weirdly enough, I always end up reading the comments from the same people.

*He’s fighting another angry and aggressive Goubaru.

C: Is Goubaru usually like this?

I: I wonder… I think so. But, he often wore this kind of down jacket, like for a year. A purple one. Even though the fabric wasn’t that thick, wearing a down jacket must be hot, right? He didn’t take it off when he’s in the workplace. He even wore it during summer. I asked him why, and he said it’s because he wanted to hide his body line. Sounds like a problem an attractive woman would’ve. I do kinda understand that. It’s probably the same reason as women who wears loose clothing as to not have their chest shown too much. He always wore purple down jackets due to reasons like that.

C: My dad also always wears down jackets in every season to hide his body line.

I: I’d tell those kind of people to lose weight.

C: Wearing down jacket and sweating is probably their way of losing weight.

I: No, but even if you sweat, you won’t lose weight. Those who’re dieting probably know this already, but sweating only reduce the water percentage in your body. Just because you sweat a lot doesn’t mean you’d lose weight. In the end, it all depends on the amount of fat you lose and the amount of muscle mass you gain.

I: With sauna, I don’t think you can lose weight. If you drink water, you gain back the amount of water you lost. However, if you don’t drink water for 2 days, you’d probably lose 2-3kg. Human bodies are made up of 70% of water after all.

C: Sauna only makes you feel refreshing.

I: Sauna makes you feel good. I think that, in itself, is nice too. It’s just that only fat people think that they can lose weight wearing down jacket. 

(t/n: I might’ve translated it a bit harsh, but I don’t think he meant it in a bad way. Please don’t be offended.)

C: Did you tell that to him?

I: I told him a lot of things. Something like “you’re gonna die” or “you’re gonna have your limbs amputated”. I have a younger friend who’s slightly diabetic, I think. He had always been fat, though he sometimes went on diet. His family knew a lot of people in the medical field, so they kept telling him to go to hospital. When he did the examination, he was told that he had a chance of getting diabetes. But Goubaru is a slob, so he wouldn’t visit hospital by his own volition, though I’m not qualified to say that since I also don’t really visit hospitals. He might be in a worse condition since he wouldn’t get checked up, so I think it’s best for him to lose weight.

I: Why being fat is not good for your health is because when the fat dissolves in your blood, the blood vessels will get clogged. That’s why I think it’s not good.

C: How much is your body fat percentage (BFP)?

I: How much is it…I’m not aiming to be ridiculously skinny or whatever. The average would be around 16-17%? It’d be great if I can get there. When I was on a rigorous diet, my BFP was as low as 13%. Some people are able to get to 10%. I wonder how they do that?

I: I’ve heard from someone about Goubaru’s body fat percentage. I’ve been talking about him, but his BFP is scary. It seems like he has 45% of fat in his body. He is nothing but a lump of fats already. The mother in Atashinchi (a classic manga) is also the same. Do you guys know Atashinchi? The mother is kinda fat. She’s also has around 45% BFP I think.

C: How much does Goubaru weigh?

I: I think he already surpassed 100kg, but I don’t know about now.

C: To be able to surpass 100kg is a talent.

I: Right. I’ve heard about that in Bananaman’s (Japanese comedy duo) radio or something. Mr. Himura (a member of Bananaman) was around 90kg at that time, though I don’t know his weight now. It’s probably around 10 years ago. He said he’s weighed more than 100kg, and that weighing 105 kg is a talent. 100kg was like the threshold for your body and you surpassed that limit.

C: There’s someone like Goubaru in my class.

I: But you don’t know him. Do you mean him having the same weight?

C: My classmate who weighs over 100kg broke the school chair just by sitting on it.

I: The weight is one thing, but even though chairs could withstand heavy amount of load, they’re not durable. Goubaru’s chair made a few scary noises whenever he sat down. It sounded similar to the sound effect of the door being opened in Inagawa Junji’s (an actor & ghost storyteller) ghost stories. I thought Mr. Junji was there.

Part 2

[ayuuria]

Yashahime Translation: Mantan Web Interview 1/23/21

Please do not repost this translation without my consent! This includes screenshots of any type and amount. If you wish to share this translation, simply link to this post.

For more information regarding the use of my translations, click here.

“Hanyō no Yashahime: Matsumoto Sara, Komatsu Mikako, and Tadokoro Azusa, the voice actresses for the “Three Princesses”, Fervently Talk About Their “True Love” for the Characters of “Inuyasha”

“Hanyō no Yashahime”, the TV anime that follows the activities of the daughters of Inuyasha and Sesshōmaru from Takahashi Rumiko-san’s popular manga, “Inuyasha” (Yomiuri TV, Nippon TV, Saturday evenings at 5:30, certain regions excluded). Sesshōmaru’s twin daughters, Towa and Setsuna, and Inuyasha and Higurashi Kagome’s daughter, Moroha; The ones who voice the “3 Princesses” are Matsumoto Sara-san, Komatsu Mikako-san, and Tadokoro Azusa-san. The three of them talk about their love for the Inuyasha world that charmed them during their childhood.

Falling In Love with Naraku and Sesshōmaru as a Child; For Komatsu Mikako ““Inuyasha” was the textbook on love”

[There’s a paragraph here explaining what Yashahime is about, which we already know so I skipped it]

— When the cast of “Hanyō no Yashahime” was announced, Komatsu-san’s comment of “The wind scar that cut through my 2nd year junior high sickness was without a doubt “Inuyasha”” (translator’s note: I’m not confident on this quote) was quite impressionable. Matsumoto-san and Tadokoro-san, you are also big “Inuyasha” fans. In what way were you into the work?

Matsumoto-san: “Inuyasha” was the first (work) where I truly fell in love with the characters. From my perspective back then, there were so many wonderful characters, but my favorites were Miroku-sama and Naraku. Naraku has many different forms, but I loved when he took on the form of a feudal lord named Hitomi Kagewaki with Morikawa Toshiyuki-san voicing him. My love for “Inuyasha” is stuck in a swamp, or rather a bottomless swamp (laughs). (translator’s note: Swamp is basically the JP term for Hell in terms of otaku language). Even now, the characters still pop into my head out of nowhere, so I think it’s a work that really left a deep mark on me.

Tadokoro-san:  From the setting, “Inuyasha” was my absolute favorite! Going between the modern and feudal eras and a world with demons. Then a half-demon boy named Inuyasha-san and a human named Kagome-san meet and fall in love…

Komatsu-san: It’s the best situation.

Tadokoro-san: With Takahashi Rumiko-sensei’s works, just hearing the setting makes me want to see them. The characters are thick (in terms of development), and not only do the protagonists and main characters have their own goals but so do the demons. I can’t take my eyes away. The characters are so heavily developed that I end up liking the villains too. I even have a “on the contrary, thank you” kind of feeling for the villain, Naraku-san. Like, thank you for stirring up the story in such a fun way (laughs).

— Tadokoro-san, who is your favorite character?

Tadokoro-san: I was in love with Sesshōmaru-sama. He was cold at first, but he slowly changes after meeting the human child, Rin. I already like him just for that, but he’s got a handsome face too. When watching the anime, his face looks so good that every time it came up, I was like “Pretty face!” (laughs). The anime has background music too so when Sesshōmaru-sama’s theme played, I did the triumphant yes pose.

— What is “Inuyasha” to you, Komatsu-san?

Komatsu-san: I read the manga right as I was going through puberty. So, while it is a shōnen manga, for me, it was a textbook on love. My heart would beat fast as I read, and the love triangle between Kagome, Inuyasha, and Kikyō always made me anxious. Inuyasha was going back and forth between Kikyō and her reincarnation, Kagome, but even in that situation, Kagome said “I like you. What about you?”. That clear, positive aura was appealing, and I thought “I’ll be like that too!”.

Tadokoro-san: (claps) How wonderful!

Komatsu-san: I was like “I’ll do what Kagome does.” “I’ve decided! I’ll tell the person I like that I like them!”

Tadokoro-san:  Ah! That’s a great take away!

Komatsu-san: I was so into the (“Inuyasha”) world that I believed that I could go into a well and travel through time. There was a well at the school I used to go to, and I would always peer into it. However, there was nothing there (laughs). It had an influence on me in my personal life.

Acting with “Kikyō”, Hidaka Noriko; Regarding the secret behind the births of the three princesses, the story will…

— We heard that at the recording for “Hanyō no Yashahime”, you acted with Hidaka Noriko-san who played the role of Kikyō in “Inuyasha”.

Komatsu-san: For the scene where the spirit of the Tree of Ages makes an appearance by borrowing the form of Kikyō in episode 4, we were able to perform with Hidaka-san in the booth. Hidaka-san read our comments when the cast was announced, and I was so happy that she was such a nice person. Back when I was reading the manga as a child, I was afraid of Kikyō. But now, I understand her feelings painfully well. When I spoke to Hidaka-san about how “It was hard on Kikyō.”, she said “That’s right. I’m happy that you feel that way.”. It felt as though the viewer and actor sides of me reconciled.

Matsumoto-san: The three of us recorded the scene with the spirit of the Tree of Ages together with Hidaka-san and I thought the way that the spirit incited the Yashahimes was really something.

Tadokoro-san: It was so cool.

— In episode 4, it shows the spirit, taking Kikyō’s form, making a certain request to Towa, Setsuna, and Moroha, and Towa and Setsuna decline it.

Matsumoto-san: Hidaka-san put her all into it when she came at us. We were in a position where we had to decline the request, so we really meant it when we said “No”. She made it into a living scene.

Tadokoro-san: The air changed just from Hidaka-san letting out her voice, so it made me tingle. When recording ended, she very gently said “I’m glad Kikyō isn’t hated”. I told her “I love Kikyō-san!”

— With “Hanyō no Yashahime” entering the second cour, there will be major developments in the story, including the secret behind the births of the three princesses. What are some highlights going forward?

Matsumoto-san: There will be new characters and a lot of things intertwined, so I think a lot of people will be investigating. So far, fragmentary scenes touching upon the secret of their births have been shown, so I think it would be fun to compare it with the upcoming story.

Tadokoro-san: The “Inuyasha” world is full of appealing characters, and it’s because they’re all endearing people that you are able to love their children. As a fan, you really wonder what sort of lives they had. Another thing is that all the upcoming people who could be considered villains are pretty. I liked Kirinmaru-sama in an instant (laughs).

Komatsu-san: Solving the mystery of “Why the girls haven’t met their parents” is a key point to the story of “Hanyō no Yashahime”, but there’s a lot of cheerful dialogue among the three princesses as a party which I think is an appeal of the work. The three of them investigate the secret behind their births while slaying demons. Within that, you can catch a glimpse of daily life in the Inuyasha world which I think is also appealing.

Matsumoto-san, Komatsu-san, Tadokoro-san, the cast, and staff have poured their “love for Inuyasha” into “Hanyō no Yashahime”. What sort of new truths will become clear is something to pay attention to going into the second cour.

[prose-for-hire]

I know what you did last Halloween...

Part Two // Part Three // Part Four

Pairing: Scooby gang x reader (platonic)

This is a platonic story with the reader as part of the Scooby gang. Set season 3. It’s going to be a small multi-parted serial killer/slasher fic for Halloween. Reader lives with Giles, but is not related. The deaths in this part are not described in much detail. 

Not sure how popular it’ll be with you guys, but I’ve enjoyed writing it so far !! 🖤🦇

Warning: It is a serial killer fic, main characters are going to die (I’m sorry, it’s Halloween). Violence. Blood mention. Threat.

Sunnydale Scare? Scythe-wielding killer strikes again

Sunnydale Express, October 1999.

Sunnydale High school, not used to such horror inflicted on their student body since Principal Flutie’s unfortunate death in office [His memorial will be on the 31st as his family reveal it was his favorite time of year].

The scythe-wielding killer, who was seen wearing all-black with a festive mask, has claimed his most recent victims. Two members of the swim team found themselves in hot water after they were found with brutal and fatal injuries. The wounds matched the scythe that is commonly associated with the widely termed ‘Sunnydale slasher’.

It makes us wonder at the Sunnydale Express, why and how this idyllic town has managed to create such a monster?

You and the Scoobies were good friends. You helped save the world more than once whilst fighting algebra homework and Principal Snyder. You had moved from your hometown to Sunnydale at the same time as Buffy, meeting her on your first day and becoming best friends since that day. You had moved into Giles’ spare room after your parents had wanted to move on again. You had been sucked into the slaying and you couldn’t leave the others. Giles had been very accommodating and very much like a parental figure. Things had been going well, you were close to graduating and finally getting the hell out of there until one life-changing event that would forever be ingrained in your minds.

You and your friends were sat around the school canteen. The mood was pretty low and you were collectively checking over your shoulders every so often. You had been discussing the latest spate of murders. Surprisingly, it was widely covered by various news outlets and hadn’t been brushed under the rug as the usual demon relating killings were.

Buffy and Faith had been doing double patrolling, making sure there was always someone out after dark. Giles had been pleased but he wasn’t aware of the real reason. Although he had noted a difference in your mood in the past year. Despite the extra patrolling, no matter how many demon-snitches they beat up and threatened, there was no changing the answer they didn’t want to hear.

“So this… slasher? He’s-it’s-she’s-?” Xander spluttered through the pronouns in his disbelief.

“Yep. Human” Buffy shrugged, sighing and staring down at her food. Nobody had eaten anything. The lunch you all had set out in front of you was just for show. None of you could stomach much at the moment.

“Shouldn’t we have found them by now?” Willow wondered, her brow furrowing in frustration.

“It could be anyone. And I’m guessing they’re not exactly wearing their ‘I’m a killer come catch me’ sweater”

“Yeah, Giles says he’s gonna look into it, but unless it says ‘Scythe killer was here’ in one of those big old books…” You tail off as Buffy picks up your sentence.

“We’ve got zip. Nothing” Buffy nodded again. Conversation then turned. You had been in a deep discussion of something in low murmurs, that was until your best friends boyfriend walked in. A dead silence blanketed your table.

“The blank stares and silence make me feel at home” oz deadpanned and you all laughed slightly too loud at this. He squinted around the room, shrugged and then kissed Willow’s forehead before staring around at the odd vibe. He had noticed that none of you had been the same for at least a year, but anytime he tried to talk to Willow about it she just shook her head vigorously and locked herself in a different room until he dropped it.

“Well, I have some place to be that’s else. Or about three tables that way” He gestured with his head to where one of his bandmates were sat. Willow assured him she would come over and sit with them in a minute. After you finished a very important conversation.

“I can’t do this anymore, lying to him hurts my heart” Willow said sadly, shifting uncomfortably as if her heart was physically aching her, “I have to tell him”

“And how’re you gonna do that exactly, Will? Oh, hey there Oz remember last Halloween, well we-” Xander cut in harshly, trying to make Will be realistic.

“Stop it! We can’t talk about this here. Anyone could overhear, they already suspect I’m a slayer” Buffy said firmly.

“We have big mouths, sorry” You shrug, smiling tightly.

“This isn’t funny!” She snapped, the events of last year had her wound even more tightly than usual. She had more responsibility than she could handle on her shoulders as it was, let alone this secret weighing down on her like a

“I’m not laughing, Buff… I’m sorry” You whisper. You did feel guilty. You felt horrible. Some nights you barely slept, and when you did you had these horrible nightmares.

Oh, right. That guy that you killed. Well, it was a total accident and you were all very sorry at the time. I mean, you still are. But, thing is, you just didn’t happen to tell anyone or alert the correct authorities. Must have slipped your mind.

Let me paint the picture in case you managed to forget…

Last Halloween, you and your friends had been attending a Halloween party. Your collective night off from saving the world. Oz, who didn’t appear to be wearing a costume, had explained it was a shindig and you had all enjoyed the live music and spooky theme. Even Buffy had managed to relax.

Buffy had chosen little red riding hood and Willow was dressed as a knight in historically accurate chainmail. Cordelia was a cat, it was the back-up she always had in case her first choice fell through. She had shrugged, at least she looked good in it. You had decided on a werewolf, after apologising profusely to Oz who didn’t appear phased.

Xander was walking around in a karate outfit, something about being inspired by the copious violence he enjoyed on screen. Every so often he did a karate chop in mid-air and you and your friends would share a collective eye roll. Especially when he chopped some jock guy that he spent the rest of the evening hiding from. Whereas Faith was wearing as little as possible and appeared to be dressed as herself.

The band was playing decent music and the atmosphere was electric. You and Buffy had danced together while Willow and Xander laughed by the punch bowl. Out of nowhere, Faith joined the both of you and muscled you out of the way to dance with Buffy. You rolled your eyes, but knew better than to make a fuss so you went back to your other friends and joined them in conversation.

Buffy had borrowed her Mom’s car and had sneaked out while Joyce was sleeping. Joyce had been feeling a little under the weather and hadn’t noticed. When it was time to leave, she drove (badly) through the streets to drop everyone home. Oz was doing another set and would get a ride with the rest of his band.

You were squished in the back with Cordy, Xander and Willow. Faith had called shotgun. There were more people than there should be, with Cordy sitting precariously on Xander’s lap. It meant you and Willow were crushed together sharing an annoyed look as the pair continued to kiss.

Buffy looked out of the side window for a nicer view and managed to hit something in the road. You all screamed as she broke suddenly. You had hit something. Something big. You all got out to investigate and saw that it was a man. You went and shook his shoulder and he immediately sat up and grabbed at you. His grip tight and strong. You screamed as you looked at his face, there were fangs and his face looked bumpy. The others saw it too and Buffy pulled you away as Faith moved in and staked him.

The man struggled for a moment before going still. Blood had started to run from his heart and the stake that had been stabbed through it. You all just stared.

“W-why isn’t he going poof?” Willow whispered as you all just stared in horror. He had been human after all.

“It was a costume!” You shrieked in horror. Everyone’s blood turned cold. 

“We’ll have to bury him” Faith said quickly. Xander stayed silent, his eyes glazed in fear.

“We can’t!” Buffy said firmly.

“Look, it’s that or another stint in juvey and I’m not goin’ back there” Faith muttered and you all frowned, having not realised she had ever been.

“I think we should see if he has any ID, maybe we could-” You started, Willow nodding along.

“No, Faith’s right. We bury him” Xander said suddenly.

“Who made you decision-gal?” Buffy said, her usual fun language lost on the moment as she stared through Faith.

“I’m a slayer too, B. You’re not the boss” Faith tilted her head to the side and shrugged. You paused, thinking it over for a while.

“Buff, we can’t risk it. You and Faith are needed here – we can’t go to prison” You sigh, not sure if you fully believed what you were saying.

“Th-that’s actually true…” Willow said eventually, not looking anyone in the eye. It was hurting her conscience.

But that’s what you decided. For better or worse. You were all complicit now as you put him in the trunk and buried him in the graveyard in the early hours of the morning.

Nobody spoke as the sun started to rise and the plot you had chosen was no longer vacant. It had been hard to come to terms with ever since.

Missing – have you seen this man?

Sunnydale Express, 1998. November 2nd.

Mr Bates of Sunnydale California has been missing since Halloween night. Last seen leaving a party in the early hours. His wife and children are anticipating his return, although with the current rate of people vanishing often with no trace the Express, with their condolences, fears that Mr Bates may be one of a hundred Sunnydale citizens on Halloween night that will never return to their families.

This begs the question, where are all the missing going? Sunnydale has one of the largest cases of missing persons never being found in the state of California and statistics suggest it has the highest number compared to towns in neighboring states.

It had been a few days and something had shifted. Your friend’s mood was lower than ever and you were really worried about her. The guilt was eating away at her. It was so bad she finally had to talk to someone about it. Buffy was the most outwardly guilty one of you all. Covering for this went against everything she believed in. Fought for. Which is why she was probably being targeted the most.

You closed your locker and jumped, she had been standing behind it, waiting for you to notice her. She gave you an apologetic glance but still asked, “Hey, y/n, can we talk?”

“Sure, I didn’t wanna go to English anyway” You smile at her as you walk to the usual place under the stairwell you would hide when you needed to talk. She pressed a note into your hand which you unfolded and read:

‘I know what you did last Halloween…’

You gasped, looking around before looking back at her for some kind of explanation, “It was in my history textbook, so, it might have been there for at least a month” Buffy said “Did you get one?” she whispered. You shook your head, nobody had left anything for you. You would remember. Buffy’s note struck a sense of fear you hadn’t felt since that night. A bubbling guilt that was squeezing your insides and threatening to spill them out. You had felt numb since then, unable to cry or even think about the events.

“We need to tell someone. Maybe Giles? I can see how much this is killing you, Buff…”  You say, trying to comfort your friend the best way you knew how.

“I know, I try and I try but I can’t tell him. He’ll get all moral and Giles-y”

“Maybe we need that. What we did was stupid, but still an accident. I wish I had never agreed with Faith” You muttered as Buffy nodded along silently. She wished you hadn’t agreed with Faith too, you had been the type people came with for answers. Advice. So you agreeing with Faith was probably the deciding vote. She told you she would meet you later and appeared to be in deep thought as she walked away.

Willow and Cordy looked spooked, sitting down silently during the break between classes. Their notes had fallen out of their lockers and they were afraid they had been seen picking them up. Buffy revealed to the others hers had said the same thing just as Xander ran in, very visibly panicking and checking behind him with every step he took.

He just slammed the note in the middle of the table without comment. He had nothing he could say. No jokes could mask the horror that came with

“That settles it. We go to Giles” Buffy said firmly. 

“No-” Xander tried to assert, but he was outvoted this time.

“We have to. He’ll help us, I know he will” You confirmed, “Walk home with me tonight, we’ll tell him then” This was to give you some time. None of you could face going to the library for the rest of the day.

The bell rang and it felt as if it were tolling for a funeral march. The walk to Giles’ house was slow. You had swung by Faith’s motel on your way, taking a detour as you explained you would have to tell him. She surprisingly didn’t put much of an argument against.

The door creaked open and you shouted to announce your presence. But when you get there, you felt it instantly. You dropped your bags and walked into the living room. Every step felt heavy and echoed around the room. 

There he was. On the floor. Surrounded in his own blood.

Your knees buckled and you had to steady yourself against the sofa. The blood-stained sofa. Someone’s arms held you up. There were gasps and mutters but your ears were ringing, you felt very far away. He was cold, his body mutilated.

It took you longer than the others to see the new centrepiece of the room. 

‘I know what you did last Halloween’ was written in what could only have been Giles’ blood smeared across the wall of his living room. It was your warning. Your note.

A warning that turned your stomach. Knocked you all sick. He was one of you and he was gone. You tuned back into the conversation around you after having stared at the words. The words meant for you. Every time you blinked, those words were now stamped into your vision.

“It’s the same thing that was written on the notes”

“Oh, I got one of those but I threw it in the trash” Faith shrugged, but she wavered. This was hard to look at.

“We’ll have to clean it up” Xander said flatly. Gesturing at the writing.

“What?! We can’t-”

“Xander Harris, your brain is barely functional anyway - but this is totally the worst thing that’s come out of your mouth!” She shouted, her voice getting higher as she continued, “I am not cleaning the bloody writing off our dead librarians wall!” She warned. They had broken up since everything had happened. Everyone collectively winced as she said Giles was dead. It hurt. It sliced too close to the bone. At least when it had been a stranger, there was some degree of separation. But now it was even worse. 

“They’ll know or start to look into it - we gotta do it” 

You stayed silent this time, every time someone’s eyes looked at you you kept your expression blank. Until you were handed a cloth and some bleach and you grimaced but followed the others. Cordy joined you, nodding her understanding at your blank look. She took the cloth and the liquid from your shaking hands and started to help with the clean up.

Teen scream

Sunnydale Express, October 1999.

Reports of a large number of young people are now rejecting the upcoming holiday in an attempt to preserve their lives. Many say that this is a kneejerk reaction and that many will lose out of the best years of their lives to fear – which is what the killer will want.

Despite this, there has been a curfew agreed amongst the young people of the town and the Mayor’s office, reports suggest. Time will tell if this will be kept or if it another attempt by those cautious to get a re-election rather than improving the spate of missing persons that has only doubled since the year previous.

You were all waking in a group. You couldn’t face staying at Giles’ place so you were going to stay over at Buffy’s for the night. There was still an argument going on around you that you weren’t listening to. Faith had lit up a cigarette and kept telling everyone to calm down. That nobody could know or people would be hauling you all off to jail. That you had chosen the right thing.

“I’m sick of you all, I’m going out. There’s a party down the block. Anyone coming?” She looks around. This, you had heard. You shrug, resigning yourself to it. You made plans based on alibis now. With this cynical thought, you manage to convince everyone else to come too. You never know, it might relax them.

...Or not. 

You and the others all sat around in silence as the bass, and Faith, jumped around you. You barely spoke, you just stared into your cups. There had been some hugging when you first left the house but since then you all felt so alone. So disconnected despite being in this together. What you had chosen to do didn’t feel right and without your constant, your compass that had been Giles you didn’t know what to do.

 “Hey, man, it’s not Halloween yet!” Someone shouted. It caught all of your attention. A collective feeling of dread. That had been before all of the screaming had started.

The figure loomed over you. Everything about him screamed menacing. He frightened you more than any demon. He was stood in a Grim reaper costume, complete with blood stained scythe. He turned, spotting you finally. He had been slicing kids down as he walked. He wasn’t aiming, just wildly enjoying the chaos he caused.

He stopped in the centre of the room, facing the group of you that had just risen to your feet. He pointed. He stood still and pointed at you all. The Scooby gang.

In that moment, you knew. You knew he was the one that was taunting you. And so did every one else.

“Well, one of us has a brief scythe of life” Buffy stated, “…and it isn’t me” She ran at him, her fists raised as Faith came up behind her. In the chaos it was hard to see what was happening, all you could feel was this descending feeling of foreboding. You knew it had happened before you saw it.

To be continued…

[radramblog]

Every Boros Commander, Part 2

Where we last left off, I was shitting on Adriana, Captain of the Guard, who gives ACAB a pretty different meaning. Fortunately, most of the pickings this time aren’t quite as dire.

Depala, Pilot Exemplar (3rd most played as of writing)

Holy shit, a Boros commander with card advantage? It’s niche, but it was a first. Being limited to Dwarves and Vehicles does leave her with a problem a lot of commanders and tribes tend to have, which is being just a smidge under critical mass- but with the upcoming Kaldheim appearing to support Dwarves, and vehicles appearing to be a deciduous mechanic, I feel like it won’t be long before Depala is as powerful as her placement suggests. She is niche and mana-hungry, but basically the only Vehicle commander (and definitely the only Dwarf commander at the moment), so I suspect she’s here to stay for a while.

Tiana, Ship’s Caretaker (15th most played as of writing)

Tiana is possibly my favourite character lorewise in all of magic, frankly. She’s cool and cute and a massive dork and also someone who found her purpose in life, and frankly I love that for her. 

She’s also a really interesting commander to build around, seeing as she has a unique brand of card advantage that leads to the addition of old and weird cards, which I’m always a fan of. I should really get around to building a Tiana deck, to be honest, though I already have 10 commander decks with an 11th in progress, sooooo…

Firesong and Sunspeaker (4th most played as of writing)

I’m surprised to see F&S this high, but the first unique Buy-a-Box card did expand into an archetype previously unseen in the combination in the form of Boros Spellslinger (Dalakos would later return the favour as an Izzet Equipment commander). Previously, you had to go into Pauper EDH and play fellow Minotaur Blaze Commando for this kinda deck. Like Depala, F&S are heavily played despite being niche, though the also have the benefit of being a RW minotaur commander, if you want to play White instead of Black in that deck for…some reason? The siren moo of Boros Reckoner speaks to us all, I suppose.

Sylvia Brightspear and Khorvath Brightflame (17th most played as of writing)

The only partner pair I’m discussing today on account of their monogamy. Knights and Dragons make a weird combination, seeing as there are basically no other cards that help them work together rather than apart. You could almost run them as a goodstuff deck if you wanted, seeing as many of Boros’s best creatures are Knights or Dragons, but largely I think sticking to one or the other is probably for the best. With that in mind, the pair are actually the only real commanders for either tribe within Boros- the only other Dragon is something we’ll get to, and the only knight is…Adriana…so…. The buffs given by either pair are excellent, and not something that either tribe gets easy access to typically, so I can see the appeal of them in that slot. At that point, the extra commander is just a bonus.

Aurelia, Exemplar of Justice (21st most played as of writing)

Oh, another Aurelia, and she’s worse this time. In seriousness, her ability looks like its likely to be targeting herself most of the time, and Mentor just doesn’t do enough in this format. She has enough keywords and power to Voltron, but I’m not expecting much interesting from her outside of that.

Tajic, Legion’s Edge (18th most played as of writing)

Tajic has 4 separate lines of text for some reason, and only one (ok fine two haste is nice) actually matters. Having a damage prevention effect is nice in the zone, but it doesn’t apply to himself, so if you’re planning on turning mass damage one-sided you’re going to need to protect him still. And like, what else does he do? He’s not a good aggro commander at all, his last ability is a joke, why are people playing this card? If I was in a mass damage deck I’d just play Gisela, at least she does something on the off chance she survives. Probably no-one is gonna go out of the way to kill Tajic, at least. Beats out Aurelia for biggest downgrade, imo, even if Aurelia fell from higher.

Feather, the Redeemed (Number 1 most played at time of writing)

Feather is the most popular Boros commander, by over triple the next most popular. It’s not hard to see why: she’s a cheap commander that turns any targeted cantrip into a draw engine, she synergises with so many random powerful cards that you can build her a fair few different ways, and she’s a cool story character getting a card 12ish years after her appearance in the Ravnica novels. She does so much and is so interesting that it’s completely understandable that she’s as huge as she is. I’m still never going to build her though, even with my funky Japanese copies, if only because I’m too much of a hipster.

Gerrard, Weatherlight Hero (13th most played as of writing)

Kinda funny that Gerrard’s little text that made him work in the command zone until recent rules changes is now a strict downside. Gerrard has his niche, with a Second Sunrise in the zone unsurprisingly supporting Eggs decks rather nicely, and synergising with a lot of just random bullshit. I’d probably never build him, and it seems pretty easy to make it degenerate, but I’m glad he’s here and he’s certainly better than the first iteration of the character.

Haktos, the Unscarred (12th most played as of writing)

I’m kinda surprised to see Achilles this high, considering how recent he is. He reminds me a lot of Progenitus, oddly enough, as a commander that would be good at Voltron but can’t get buffed easily by traditional means. I think adding equipment on the off-chance that it fits his heel is a complete mistake, but things like Silverblade Paladin and Exalted cards do exist, so fair play. He’s pretty hard to kill unless you’re boardwiping, and even then damage-based ones probably miss, so I can see the value in that. But that mana cost hurts to look at- hitting 2 mana of 2 different colours on turn 4 was a pain back when I played Trostani, and that was a green deck.

Stet, Draconic Proofreader (No data available)

Okay look, I tried so hard to find a way to abuse this dork’s ability but there’s just no good way to do it. Stet sucks hard enough that even if you are playing with Silver-Bordered cards legal I just don’t know why you’d ever run it. His art is pretty funny, I’ll give it that. We got Alexander bloody Clamilton and Surgeon Commander in the same cycle, keep in mind.

Winota, Joiner of Forces (2nd most played as of writing)

Having menaced standard, Winota is still pretty decent as a commander, even without access to her 7-mana blue payload.  There actually aren’t that many beefy humans to cheat out in general, but considering how easy it is to enable her ability and the fact that she digs *6 cards deep* on trigger, I think you just kinda end up swarming the board distressingly easy with her deck. It’s shocking to see a card from 2020 in the top 5 like this, considering how the year has gone for the format in general, but like. 6 cards.

Zirda, the Dawnwaker (8th most played as of writing)

Look it combos with Basalt/Grim monolith in the command zone isn’t that neat. Zirda is pretty open-ended, but not especially powerful outside of the aforementioned combo. I find them much more appealing in the Companion slot, frankly. With that said, I do like that Boros is the colour pair getting access to Training Grounds in the zone, seeing as it works well with its other themes (Equipment mostly) and opens new archetypes (Cycling, etc.) up as possibilities.

Akiri, Fearless Voyager (7th most played as of writing)

Haha, Brion has more decks than Akiri. That’s probably since it only released a few months ago. Of course, I’m not including the other Akiri, so this is the first time we’ve seen her on the list. But apart from that, Akiri was somehow the first of these commanders to actually say “draw” on it. Her synergies with Living Weapon (and the recent equipment cards that do the same) are pretty sick, though her second ability will end up costing a lot of mana over time if you have to use it. I think its hilarious how much more value this gives you than Adriana for doing the thing Adriana wants you to do, at 2 less mana.

Also, she’s probably the best general for Kor tribal? I guess you could go Akiri/Black partner so you can play Orah in the deck. Someone build this! Kor like equipment, Akiri likes equipment, lets go.

It’s only just occurred to me that Akiri gives you more for attacking other players than Adriana does. Fuckin hell, man.

Bell Borca, Spectral Sergeant (25th most played as of writing)

Bell finally getting a card 15 years after his fictional death was a welcome treat, but the exile-related ability is frankly awkward and abusing it to 1 or 2 hit commander damage is pretty difficult. Still, having impulse draw in the zone makes him probably just the best generic #goodstuff commander. I’m surprised he’s as low as he is, but he only released a month ago (at time of writing) and we got an absolute stack of legends (including 2 other Boros ones and the partners) in the same set.

Reyav, Master Smith (28th most played as of writing)

Reyav is neat since he combines 2 of Boros’s more traditional archetypes, being Aggro and Voltron, into one damage doubling dwarf. I suspect his lack of play is again due to the other legends in the same set and that it only dropped a month ago, because there’s no way he deserves to be below Munda. Also, he’s 2 mana! The only other 2CMC Boros Legend is partner Akiri! How did that happen? I think he deserves better. You can suit him up and get dunking real quick.

Wyleth, Soul of Steel (16th most played as of writing)

Our final general is Boros’s second ever Precon commander, and the only one with flavour text. He’s got the space for it, considering how much work that second line is doing. I appreciate that Wyleth, despite being superficially similar to Akiri, plays pretty differently, as he prefers Voltron while she prefers spreading equipment out. I assume Wyleth would be a lot higher if the precon itself was included, but there’s no way of knowing how many people are playing just the base deck, so who knows.

A CHALLENGER APPROACHES!!!

Koll, the Forgemaster (no data available) This bloke got spoiled between me writing most of this and going to publish it. I can see a few easy combos with his first ability, especially seeing as Grafted Wargear is a card. Playing fairly though, his first ability feels kinda slow, and not being able to protect himself is a huge drag. The second ability feels kinda stapled on, as its a way of giving you a bonus since the first one doesn’t do shit for tokens. But like, just don’t equip them, lmao. Awkward, but has potential.

And that’s the lot of them! Uhhhh yeah that’s all I’ve got, stan Tiana kthnxbai

[lan-xichens]

wait no i also want to recognise that everything you said about wwx is super valid like i feel there's less of a debate there but!! oh shit wait maybe wwx does also have rejection sensitive dysphoria (an emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life. It may also be triggered by a sense of falling short—failing to meet their own high standards or others’ expectations.)

sorry for the complete spam but the rejection sensitive dysphoria can also lead to outbursts when you externalize it, ie in anger etc.- but it can also lead you to become like a people's pleaser (like i kinda do feel this sounds more like wwx) as for the like- starting something and not wanting to stop, i think it's a hyperfocus thing, bc you start something and you get in the flow and then you're afraid to stop bc when you pick it up again you won't feel the same (nd then you overwork yourself)

No no not spam at all! Sorry I couldn’t get to it the other day, but thanks for elaborating on this. But rejection sure is a theme amongst Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng like, oof.

But I definitely see how you brought that up for Jiang Cheng because, his entire life and story seem to revolve around him trying to earn his place and win the respect of those he cares about, but both intentionally and unintentionally, he keeps being sidelined.

First, by his parents:

And, both Jiang Cheng’s looks and personality took after his mother. He hadn’t ever been to Jiang FengMian’s liking. Since birth, he taught him in many ways, yet he still couldn’t change, which was why Jiang FengMian had always seemed as though he didn’t favor him too much.

Jiang Cheng pulled Wei WuXian’s hand away and stood up, letting out his anger, “I know! I know that I don’t have the personality he likes, that I’m not the heir he wants. He thinks that I don’t deserve to be Sect Leader, that I don’t understand the motto of the Jiang Sect, that I don’t have the air of the Jiang Sect in me at all! Those are all true!” - GDC chapter 56

How do you compete for the affection and approval of your parents if one of them rejects your entire being based on your personality? Jiang Fengmian’s favouritism towards Wei Wuxian is one of the massive parts influencing how JC and WWX interact, because there must be so so so much jealousy involved on Jiang Cheng’s part.

But even his mother never pulls her punches in criticising him, and adds fuel to this fire.

Jiang Cheng sat still as he looked up at her, “Mom.”

Madam Yu stood up and mocked, “What do you want me to do? Like your father, you want me to hold my tongue? You really are an idiot. I’ve told you long ago that you’ll never in your whole life be able to surpass the one sitting beside you. Not over cultivation, not over night-hunting, even over shooting kites, you can’t surpass him! It can’t be helped. Who could change the fact that your mom is worse than another’s? Worse it is, then. Your mom feels injustice for you, tells you countless times not to fool around with him, yet you’re still defending him. Just how did I give birth to a son like you?!” - GDC chapter 51

So between the two of his parents, there’s no pleasing either, no matter how hard Jiang Cheng tries to win their approval and live up to their expectations. I feel this is why Wei Wuxian attributes a competitive nature to him, but he misconstrues that; I don’t think Jiang Cheng seeks competition so much as he seeks approval, understanding the expectations of him as the future sect leader. He’s not trying to out-do Wei Wuxian’s cultivation because he wants to be better, necessarily, he just wants to prove to both his parents that he’s not... lesser than him. But he wouldn’t have had to do it if they hadn’t been the ones to constantly pit him against his brother in the first place!

But even with the situation being like that (and while we can address it in meta, I know this is probably not something Jiang Cheng could ever admit to himself or to any close to him lest he insults his parents), but even then, he seems to be able to take it in stride so long as Wei Wuxian doesn’t turn his back on him.

And that’s the unintentional part, because this does sadly happen, at least on the surface.

Their conversation at the Burial Mounds is one I’ve wanted to scream about for so long, because the miscommunications there run so deep you couldn’t see the bottom of it. But focussed on rejection, it’s this:

A while later, Jiang Cheng spoke, “Wei WuXian, have you still not realized what the situation at hand is like? Do you really need me to say it out loud? If you insist on protecting them, then I won’t be able to protect you.”

Wei WuXian, “There’s no need to protect me. Just let go.”

Jiang Cheng’s face twisted. - GDC chapter 73

As some super helpful posts have already pointed out, Wei Wuxian’s defection from the Jiang clan is a disloyal thing to do, regardless of his reasons. But I also think that, to some extent, Jiang Cheng feels it as a personal rejection as well.

CQL adds two very painful exchanges here:

JC: They turn out to be a group of the old, young, and weak. All useless! WWX: All useless? Can’t you speak in a good manner?

Jiang Cheng means they are no threat, so the sect leaders are wrong. Wei Wuxian hears him dismiss the lives of those he must consider worthless. This leads up to:

JC: What on earth are you doing this for? WWX: Jiang Cheng, I’ll tell you honestly. Even if it weren’t for Wen Qing and her brother, or for anyone else, I’d make the exact same choice.

Jiang Cheng asks why he would turn his back on the Jiang clan, Wei Wuxian hears him challenge his righteousness and his reason for protecting the innocent. Wei Wuxian explains he would do the right thing for anyone, Jiang Cheng hears he would always choose to reject the Jiang clan, and by extension himself, no matter for who it was.

This comes back at the Guanyin Temple:

On the other hand, Jiang Cheng refused to give up, shouting, “Wei WuXian, who was the one who broke his promise and betrayed the Jiang Sect first? Tell me. That I’d be the sect leader and you’d be my subordinate, that you’d help me your whole life, that so long as the GusuLan Sect had its Two Jades, the YunmengJiang Sect would have its Two Prides, that you’d never betray me or betray the Jiang Sect—who was the one that said these?! I’m asking you—who was the one that said all these?! Did you eat all your fucking words?!”

He got more agitated as he ranted on, “And in the end? You go and protect outsiders, haha! The Wen Sect’s people, even. How much of their rice did you eat?! Defecting with such resolution! What did you take our sect to be?! - GDC chapter 102

Actually, while I love rewatching this scene as so many things keep jumping out at me, it’s even better to reread this part in the novel. I’d forgotten how much extra background we get on just how far this misunderstanding goes.

Why does Wei Wuxian tell him to let things go, and not to keep this matter in his heart?

Wei WuXian pressed his temples, “Forget it. It’s all in the past now. Let’s not mention it again.”

It wasn’t something he liked to reminisce about. He didn’t want to be reminded again and again of what it felt like when his core was cut out or what price he had to pay. If this were exposed in the past, he’d most likely laugh and comfort Jiang Cheng, ‘It’s not that big of a deal anyways. Look at me all these years. Without the core, I still managed to come through, didn’t I? Beating everyone I wanted to beat, killing everyone I wanted to kill.’ But now, he indeed didn’t have the strength left to put up such a confident, nonchalant pretense. - GDC chapter 103

Maybe I was the one who misintrepreted this line in my head, but CQL makes it seem so much like Wei Wuxian is fully at peace with giving up his core, and he wants to impress on Jiang Cheng to find his peace with it as well. But in truth, it’s exactly the opposite, because Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to admit to how difficult it was and still is for him, but he doesn’t want to show him that his decision haunts him.

Which just smacks of a conversation they still need to have.

And also begs the question why CQL went for the second bolded line; why have Wei Wuxian smile and comfort him and try to soothe things over? It was an incredibly sweet moment, sure, but the words were so confusing to me, and now I see why. His heart shouldn’t have been in it at all.

None of this addresses Wei Wuxian’s relationship with rejection at all - how he always struggles to find his place and to solidify his standing with certain people, but how it’s always on loose screws. But the way he treats himself as disposable, especially towards the Jiang clan, was still the whole catalyst for this situation in the first place.

[pro-anders]

Pro-Anders Week

Pro-Anders Week is a week dedicated to the amazing revolutionary of Dragon Age 2. Our goal is to give Anders the appreciation he deserves! The event is running from October 10-17, 2019.

We are tracking #proandersweek

Rules:

What is this? Who can participate?

This is a week appreciation for the character of Anders. During this week, the Dragon Age fandom is invited to post positive content about him. From artists to writers to cosplayers, everyone is welcome to participate!  We ask you to tag your post with #proandersweek so that we can reblog your work.

What We Accept:

Loving and cherishing Anders in all forms of art; fanfiction, gifsets, edits, fan videos, screenshots and anything else you could come up with. Nsfw is welcome, but should be tagged accordingly.

What We Don’t Accept:

* Abosolutely no Anders negativity. This is a Pro-Anders event * 

Racism, anti-blackness, homo/bi/transphobia, bi-erasure, antisemitism, anti-native, anti-Romani, Islamophobia, whitewashing, graphic depictions of violence, rape, abuse, pedophilia. No character or ship bashing. No ship pairing him with ANY Templar. This is first and foremost an appreciation week so we want to make sure to make it a safe environment for everyone.

Themes for the week:

Day 1 - Life in the Circle | Ships 

We all know that Anders deserved better than life in the Ferelden Circle. What can you tell us about his time there? What antics did he and Sir-Pounce-a-Lot get up to? What happened on his many escape attempts? Was your Surana or Amell close with him? We’re ready to hear from you! Alternate Theme: What are some of your favorite ships that include Anders? Please include your platonic ships as well!

Day 2 -  Grey Warden Anders | “Why I Love Anders”

Anders wasn’t destined to end up a Grey Warden, but do you have anything to say about his time in Amaranthine? How was his relationship with the Warden-Commander? What stories did he weave while wandering the Deep Roads? What did he really think about life after the Joining? We can’t wait to hear from you! Alternate Theme: Give us more reasons to love and support Anders!

Day 3 - The Kirkwall Medic | Justice

It must’ve been difficult for Anders to set up a healing clinic in Kirkwall, how do you think he did it? Do you think many Kirkwallers didn’t believe Meredith’s lies about mages? What are your headcanons about this time before Anders met Hawke? Alternate Theme: Maybe you’re feeling philosophical! What is Justice to Anders?  What does justice mean to you? How does this relate to Anders? 

Day 4 - Activism | Headcanons/AU

We all know that Anders took many actions before that fateful day at the Chantry. Tell us about them! Alternative Theme: What are your favorite headcanons for Anders? Bioware did him no favors in Awakening or in 2. Or maybe an AU? Share them with us!

Day 5 -  Manifesto | Neurodivergent Anders

It’s not discussed much but hinted at Anders Manifesto that he is writing for ages before 2 and throughout the game. We don’t get to see it, so this is why we came up with a day dedicated to it. What do you think it looks like? What would you write if you were Anders? Share your ideas with us! Alternative Theme:  Neurodivergent Anders. They don’t have a word for it in Thedas bc they don’t have modern medicine like we do, but its obvious he suffers from mental illnesses and PTSD. This is an important fact to many fans of his. How do you feel about him being ND? And how he is treated by other companions? How would you change the writing in the games?

Day 6 -  Inquisition | Pride Day

Inquisition was a mess on how they treated Anders.  If it was up to us the  writing would have been more favorable. What would you have like to have seen and heard from Hawke and Varric? If Anders was in inquisition how would you write him?Alternative Theme: Pride day! Anders is bi! Isn’t it wonderful! Something that is hidden from fem!Hawke but, thankfully, not us. How would you have changed the writing? How do you relate to him? Explore it all on day 6.

Day 7 - Post-Game | Free day

What is Anders up to these days? Is he happily settled with your Hawke or is he too busy helping out his fellow mages? That is up to you. Alternative Theme: If you want, you can just let your imagination run wild and come up with your own theme! Anything goes!

[bladekindeyewear]

Book Commentary on Inversion Theory

Alright, as a follow-up to this post, it looks like there’s an actual full bit of Homestuck book commentary (around the pages nearing Rose’s grimdark transformation, Book 6 pg 115, HS pg 3305, thanks @ramiedersedreamer and @zandraxofnebulon) about how Inversion Theory (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) isn’t what we thought.  Quoting and reading it first (not the whole reddit post but that portion at least), then discussion under the cut:

"Rose is a Light player, but her blackout effects result from arguably the nadir of her role as such a hero--that is, when she succumbs to Scratch's manipulations and other eldritch persuasions, and goes grimdark. This truth would appear to lend credence to a line of classpect thinking known as "inversion theory," which really isn't without its merits. This note has just gone to the bother of describing one of its merits, in fact. However, it is possible to get carried away with this line of thinking and use it to evaluate everything that happens in Homestuck. For instance, you could say "Well, Karkat is a Blood hero, and here's where he stops being as Karkatty as usual, so that means he's being the opposite of his aspect. Which means he's being Breathy instead of Bloody. So that means a bunch of other stuff, ipso facto, Homestuck has been EXPLAINED." That's not really the way all this works. Aspect lore runs deep, but it isn't the Rosetta Stone to the story. When in doubt, it's better to remember this: rather than an underlying mystical logic where all classpect roads lead to Deep Answers, HS is a comprehensive nexus of many themes, and all roads lead to the basic idea that this is a tale about kids who are trapped in the universal struggle associated with growing up."

I... hm.  Dammit.  Is that all he wrote??  This slippery author is a master of giving us tantalizing and insightful details without committing to any hard yes-or-no whatsoever.  >:T

I’d been building myself up to reading this all throughout yesterday with gut-wrenching dread that at this late, late, late hour he’d finally given us a definitive “NO” on Inversion.  Instead we get this quite interesting but more vague “eh, there’s merits, but don’t go too far with it”.  Which is...... 

...about as potentially-optimistic as I put it in the previous post, if not moreso?

Andrew’s being careful to lavish odd praise on inversion theory, too.  Which some people are going to interpret as (Option 1) “Nice try, but dead wrong”, like the anon who put a snippet in my inbox initially, and others will interpret as (Option 2) “The big ones are RIGHT, nudge nudge, but stop applying it everywhere cause the fans who say every line of the comic means ‘ghosting inversion’ are looking at the story wrong and annoying everyone”.

As someone guilty of being one of those fans described in the latter half on occasion, I can CERTAINLY agree with THAT last part.  Andrew made it really clear with the ending of Homestuck proper -- “this side shit didn’t matter as much as you thought it did”.  I was so enamored with the classpect system that I thought almost everything was being shown to us through those lenses, at one point -- but even though perhaps more than the random reader might have thought is there, like he says, it ain’t supposed to be no Rosetta Stone.  Even when I WAS overapplying classpect everywhere, the people who did it too often in places I felt clearly un-merited REALLY pissed me off!  I can’t imagine how much more that might’ve been magnified in the shoes of someone who happened to apply the correct, lower amount of classpect and had to put up with me babbling and slathering it everywhere, much less the author’s shoes.

But there is still a big hole in his criticism, one he intentionally seems to have left there to me.  By saying “don’t look for it everywhere”, but ALSO that “there’s more than some merit to it”... I don’t think it’s a stretch to think the truth might not only be somewhere in between Options 1 and 2, but perhaps even closer to Option 2.

Aaaand HERE’s where if you’re someone who HUNGERED for me to admit wrongdoing by sticking with this theory for so long, you’re no doubt angry.  Looking at me as making excuses in the face of this long-awaited OBJECTIVE PROOF OF TOTAL THEORY DISMISSAL... WHY won’t the deluded bastard FINALLY succumb to REASON?  ANDREW HIMSELF spoke up on the issue, IS THIS NOT ENOUGH?!???

And, well... you’re right to be angry.  To be honest, I’m a fair bit pissed off too -- I could’ve used a solid “NO”, traumatizing as it would’ve been to me!

But that’s not what we got, because... *rolls eyes @ author* ...that’s not how Andrew works nowadays.  And as irritating as it is, I also have to respect it a bit.

Andrew has become pretty committed to not full-on table-flipping fan interpretations and fanworks, avoiding forcing one “correct” interpretation (see: central struggle of HS^2 and the villains labeling divergence from canon at all as “bad”) because both interpretations should be rewarded.  If something is REALLY wrong and hurts objective appreciation of the lessons he wanted to portray in his comic, like people plastering Classpect everywhere to the exclusion of the story’s central canon-escaping themes, he’s willing to shut them down... but when it comes to effective-sounding interpretations of the comic that he possibly never intended but “could” have been what he intended?  He’s REALLY careful not to step on them!  Or even sometimes DISTINGUISH them from the ones that he DID intend, sometimes, to keep as many fan interpretations alive in our imaginations as possible.

Which, as someone who pins Inversion’s entire existence on the assertion that “Andrew deliberately intended this and it’s our DELUSION otherwise”, really pisses me off at times like this.  This is a theory hinged on the idea that Andrew had been deliberately hiding INCREDIBLY clever evidence throughout the comic for these intense thematic moves.  All the SYMBOLISM we thought was pointing to inversion would lose an incredible amount of its meaning if it were all an accident.  What about all that cool imagery in the Breath and Blood post?  Did any of THAT really mean what we thought it was there for, like between WV and PM?  Was any of it REAL?  Will we ever even get an ANSWER?  The answer is “no, we won’t”, because Andrew persists in this method of keeping his cards close to his chest even if he has to take them to the damn grave, cause he knows we’ll have more “fun” not knowing ‘em.  That considerate son of a bitch.  >:(

I’m serious -- it really does make me more than a little angry.  I really do wish he’d said more to show us where we’re off-course.

But HS^2 has brought us Terezi telling us that Mind and Heart are indeed opposites.  He MIGHT be holding onto the info because we may get it later in canon itself...

Meh.  I’ll try not to hope too hard.  And I’d better clarify what I actually believe, here:

My TL;DR thoughts on Andrew’s commentary up above are that when it comes to Inversion Theory (1, 2, 3, 4, 5), he’s leaving room for some of the BIG events to have been right or almost right -- say, #1, maybe #2, and only POSSIBLY #3 or #4 -- while telling us to back off and cast SERIOUS DOUBT on stuff that could have more character-driven explanations, especially #5.

If there’s a seriously FUNDAMENTAL transformation in a character that isn’t fully explained by their character journey alone (as kids growing up), involves significant outside interference, and is reflected by countless visual cues, THEN we should want to see if Inversion Theory “has merit” in that sort of case -- while laying it up against other competing theories that account for external interference of a non-Inversion-related nature in their actions too.  Things like pre- and post-ascension Aradia or pre- and post-dreamdeath Jade seeming almost completely different characters?  Or Rose seemingly taken over by the Horrorterrors... only to do nothing to benefit them but throw her mainself at Jack and get killed so she’d be forced to ascend on the moon mission rather than God-tier-die?  I’d say Inversion is worth consideration and -- daresay -- worth believing in, in such cases.

And it still might all be wrong.  There are legitimate ways to read Andrew’s commentary above that would have people screaming that Inversion has been disproven, that the “merits” mentioned were just a nod of respect to the losing side that I’m completely overblowing.  But those seem to me like carefully ambiguous words from a carefully ambiguous man, and if there’s anyone to blame for their ambiguity, it’s Andrew.  Trust me; I don’t like it either.  He’s had plenty of practice saying things in a way that we CAN’T really draw many assumptions from.

Heck, even the Redditor transcribing this summarized their thoughts in a way that draws some assumptions I don’t believe are there:

Mostly I think it's just interesting that he's actually addressing Inversion Theory, and the gist is basically "it's a cool idea and has some merits, but the classpect system and story are not quite that formulaic." Sorry BKEW. At least we know Hussie has been paying attention to our wild theorizing.

--which is a rebuke drawn on the common interpretation that Inversion describes too “formulaic” a classpect system, especially with specific-class inversion like Seer <-> Witch and such.  But IS that what Andrew is saying? Andrew criticizes the overapplication of aspect theory in describing everyone’s actions page to page, but does that mean a quote-unquote “rigid” system (I’m not going to play out the old “specific-class-inversion-is-too-rigid” vs “youre missing the flexible potential a fixed system gives” arguments again) is ITSELF an overapplication of classpect to people’s actions and personalities? Is he perhaps hinting that only Aspect stuff mattered in Inversion cases and the Witchy Rose class stuff was just a separate thematic thing that fits by coincidence??  What does it mean? WE DON’T KNOW!  AND IT’S PISSING ME OFF AAAARGH

...I think I’ve said all I can think to say for now.

I mean, I’m glad Inversion Theory wasn’t outright disproven.  I think it’s neat.  I have a lot of emotional investment behind it, and being told it was all a worthless goose chase would have made me vomitously sick!  But as I struggled with at the end of Homestuck proper, constant ambiguity shows a fair bit of disregard of its own, and both ending AND epiloguing Homestuck not only without a “yes” on this but without even a clear “NO” has caused me more gutache and poor feelings across MONTHS than either answer ever would have given me.  I thought we’d earned that by getting through it, that we wouldn’t have to wait for YEARS and then STILL get cockteased like this.  And I wonder how much I’m going to regret, later, that this wasn’t just a clear, simple “NO”.

I’m being told there’s an upd8 just now and I should read it.  I’ll get on that.  Cy’all.

[faneliacosplay]

Top 10 of 2018

C2018 was a year is this nicest way I can sum it up. My precious fur-baby passed away after fighting a horrible illness and is in a happier place, my health went crazy (still is as of writing), and I finally broke free from an abusive toxic person who had been controlling me for a huge chunk of my life. Despite the bad things that happened, I want to focus on the good things of 2018. One of things I began doing in January of 2018 was at the end of every week, I would write down all of the good things that happened to me, be it sewing, watched a good movie, spending time with a friend, etc. So without further ado, here’s my Top 10 of 2018! (I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S ALREADY MARCH!!)

1. The Ancient Magus’ Bride

-      I’ve been a lifelong fan of Beauty and the Beast-like stories ever since I watched the classic Disney film. The manga kept popping up in my recommendations for the majority of 2017 and I remember seeing a poster at my local theater for a premiere showing of the first 3 episodes of the then-upcoming anime (I have since regretted not going to this showing). I finally caved and bought the first two volumes of the manga and literally went back to the store two days later and bought the next 2 volumes. I’ve always been a very picky person with my romance be it movie, novel, anime, manga, etc., but this quickly became one of my favorites with it’s excellent world-building, relationships, and don’t even get me started on how gorgeous the animation is! If you want an excellent Beauty & the Beast adaptation, you won’t be disappointed. (I am unashamed of crying happy tears in public while watching the final episode)

2. Satoshi Kon’s Filmography

-      My New Year’s resolution was to watch all of the late Satoshi Kon’s works, starting with his debut film Perfect Blue. I had wanted to watch this film for several years, and it did not disappoint. (I kept spamming for people to go and see it when it got a theatrical re-release in Fall 2018) Next was Kon’s final project Paprika, which I watched about 3 times in May and many times over 2018 and still notice something new every time I watch it. Finally, I watched *the* film that I have wanted to watch for many, many years (since 2004 to be exact): Millennium Actress. I was not prepared for how moving this film would be with its themes of the past vs. present, how an ordinary encounter can lead to something so much more, and lastly: love transcends time. If you could only watch one of Satoshi Kon’s works, please choose to watch Millennium Actress. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to watch Kon’s other two works, but I aim to in 2019 (along with reading his works)

3. Slayers

-      I watched some of Slayers back in middle school and in summer 2016, but never took off with it until in 2018. I knew I would like this funny series about the adventures of a fiery sorceress, dumb as a stump swordsman, optimistic hero-in-training, and an overly-serious chimera, but I had no idea it would become one of my top 10 favorite anime series! I haven’t laughed so much with an anime in a while, and I greatly appreciated it since my fur-baby passed away and this was one of the last anime we watched together. There’s just something about 90s fantasy anime that’s just so appealing. I will throw in that while I love the tv series, the films are worth watching too, with The Motion Picture being my favorite. If you need something to cheer you up, I highly recommend Slayers!

4. Venom

-      Confession: I did not have high hopes for this movie. I was the only one among my friends who was uninterested in this film whenever we would watch the trailers/promos/etc. Eventually after this movie came out, my friends and best friend convinced me to see it. My sociology buddy told me “This movie wasn’t marketed right! Go see it!!” and another told me “This is the best action rom-com of 2018.” The next day my family asked me if I wanted to see it and Bohemian Rhapsody (also an excellent film) and I said “Sure!” This film has since spawned never-ending jokes between me and my best friend. (I ended up making her a Venom scarf for Christmas!) If you’re trying to get someone to see this film, don’t show them the trailers depicting it as a dark, gritty, action thriller, show them the home video trailer depicting it as a rom-com because that’s exactly what it is. I still can’t believe that a movie about a human falling in love with a man-eating gooey alien is real.

5. The Shape of Water

-      “2017 will be remembered as the year men screwed up so badly, women started dating fish.”- Jimmy Kimmel, 2018 Oscars. I’m beginning to see a pattern for stories of humans falling in love with monsters. My mom and I wanted to see this film after the trailer dropped in summer 2017 and were disappointed when the film didn’t play here. However, sometime in February 2018, this film played in our town for one weekend, so we dashed to the theater. I don’t even know where to start with how beautiful this film is and since several people I know still haven’t watched it I’ll just state this: Please watch this film. It earned the 4 Oscars it won. (It earned all 10 it was nominated for!)

6. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

-      I almost didn’t see this film. 2018 was a pretty hectic year for me and I didn’t really keep up with films/entertainment news, so I saw no trailers for this film (except for a really short tv ad). All I knew was what my best friend had said: “Brianna, let’s go see Spider-verse. In 3D.” (y’all, 2018 was the year of listening to my best friend) It was so nice not only to see a different Spider-Man, a diverse cast, a well-curated soundtrack, and a completely new style of animation that makes you feel as though you’re reading/watching a comic book??? Sign me up! I’m so happy this film won the Oscar!!

7. Macross Frontier Movies

-      I’ve fallen deep into the Macross hole in the past year or two and have no plans of crawling out. The 2008 series Macross Frontier was my first and favorite entry in the series so far. I knew that there were two recap/alternate retelling films made, so when I was free one day I watched them and I was really surprised that I enjoyed them more than the tv series!? I haven’t really mentioned this, but my big problem with the tv series of Frontier was it’s ending being not too good. I don’t want to ruin it since Macross (particularly made after 2001) is a bit unknown in the USA, but I will say that if you want to get into this franchise, start with the Frontier movies or with the iconic Macross: Do you remember love? film. The music is just as good as the tv series, same with the costumes, and the writing is much better! The performance of Northern Cross at the climax of The Wings of Goodbye was really moving. Not “Do you remember love?” moving, but pretty close.

8. Sailor Moon Theatrical Double-Feature

-      Everyone who knows me knows that I’ve loved Sailor Moon for pretty much all of my life (ever since the 3rd & 4th seasons aired on Toonami back in the day!) A holiday tradition for me was to watch the 2nd theatrical every Christmas Eve, unfortunately my two VHS tapes finally gave out in 2016. Thanks to Viz Media, this past summer saw theatrical re-releases of all 3 Sailor Moon films. Shockingly, my local theater was showing the films subbed so my mom and I bought our tickets right away. It was so surreal seeing these films that I grew up with on the big screen, and I know non-Sailor Moon fans won’t get this, but hearing/watching the whole “Moon Revenge” sequence in the theater was so intense. This part never got to me as a kid for some weird reason and I had no idea I was crying until my mom pointed it out at the end of the film. With the 2nd film, seeing Luna transform into a human was emotionally moving as always, just 10 times more since it was on the big screen with that nice surround sound system. That night when I got home, I didn’t get any sleep since I still couldn’t believe that this happened. The now 20+ years old Sailor Moon movies got released for the first time in USA theaters. This is an experience I’m going to remember for the rest of my life.

9. Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card Arc

-      I was so excited when a sequel to Cardcaptor Sakura was announced. Like Sailor Moon, I watched this series as the heavily-edited Cardcaptors on Toonami. When I got older and learned that there was more anime out there besides the ones I saw on TV, I went back and watched Cardcaptor Sakura to get the whole, magical story and even read the manga, which I believe is the greatest children’s manga ever made. I loved every single moment of the new series and felt as though I were watching another episode of the classic series. The only thing that felt different was that the animation is no longer hand-drawn. (it’s still good) When you reboot or make a sequel to a series be it tv, film, or book, sometimes it’ll miss the charm that made it so enjoyable in the first place. Clear Card thankfully still carries the charm its predecessor had.

10. Little Witch Academia

-      I had started this anime around holiday 2017 but didn’t finish it until early 2018. This was one of the most optimistic series I’d ever had the pleasure of watching. I don’t want to compare the two, but the inspirational message that Kiki’s Delivery Service gave me when I was 10, was the exact inspirational message you will find in Little Witch Academia. (and that I needed to hear as a 20-year-old) I was starting to get a bit depressed and losing confidence in myself with my science grades getting lower no matter what I tried, as well as other things in my personal life. After dropping Science, I had a long wait between classes, so I decided to start watching Little Witch Academia again. Seeing our protagonist Akko trying her best at flying a broom and failing was me with my science grades, but her determination to get her broom just a few centimeters off the ground was so inspiring to watch. After this I watched the other Studio Trigger works I had yet to see, and while they’re all good in their own way, none of them have left the imprint LWA left on me. Sometimes when I get frustrated or lack confidence in myself, I tell myself Shiny Chariot’s words of wisdom that motivated Akko throughout the series: “Never forget your beautiful dreams. Believing is your magic!!”

[lunasaturnine]

Vienna and cultural trauma

WOW so cool to sign into tumblr and see 99+ notifications, and think “oh a post got some attention,” but it’s actually just general attention!

My astro blog is ready for some action! Or maybe ppl are just bored bc of the quarantine. Either way, it would be cool to write.

I want to write about VIENNA.

I just took a course about somatic healing of trauma and it gave me a good overview of how trauma recovery works. Chapter 1 of trauma recovery is gathering resources. Chapter 2 is dipping or oscillating back into the memory, whether it’s a clear memory or just something held hidden in your body, with your new resources, and allowing circles to complete. Chapter 3 is being bigger bigger brighter in the world !!! (It’s a nice course, it’s on somatopia.com, it costs $40 if you have that to throw around, it’s like 2 hours of videos of a nice man talking in a soothing voice in intelligent language about healing from trauma)

Now I’m thinking about cultural trauma and Vienna. I have long felt that helping to heal the Hitler wound of Vienna is one of my soul’s major dharmic thrusts. So I googled “healing cultural trauma” and most resources out there talk about the trauma of the victim culture. That kind of trauma is totally different, because it recommends amplifying the traditions and greatnesses of the culture, and when you’re a cultural perpetrator of violence, amplifying the greatness of your culture is a trigger because cultural superiority is what lead your culture to be violent. But there are still a lot of resources with a lot of valuable information. I’ve only skimmed a couple things so far and it seems like one thing people emphasize in cultural healing is human connectedness.

The internet is a little hard to navigate on this topic, but I found an NYT editorial called “I loved my grandmother but she was a Nazi.” The author’s sweet grandma was literally a Nazi but she was a nice person who didn’t hate Jews. When the author talked to her about it, she would deflect. “He said a lot of things, I didn’t listen to them all” and “I was caught up in my own life” etc. The author says, that’s bullshit, there’s something she’s avoiding, and I can’t understand what it is or why she’s doing it, and I’m hesitant to say this because it might seem like I’m trying to forgive Naziism but I’m really just trying to understand who I look at when I look at my grandmother. It’s the most direct address of the West’s Nazi wound that I’ve found in my two and a half minutes of searching on google and I think it’s on the nose.

In the readmore are my more concrete thoughts on potential resources for Western/German/Viennese healing, and thoughts about what working through phase 2 would look like for a perpetrator culture.

Resources

On this reddit post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/5nfqwp/my_grandmother_grew_up_in_nazi_germany/

there are some resources. First of all, 1. there are people from diverse backgrounds respective to WWII, coming together and talking as equals in the same kind of “room.” The descendants of the persecuted and the persecutors are together and they are not enemies. The knowledge, and SOMATIC FEELING EXPERIENCE, of that, can be  a resource. I am typing over this brusquely and that’s Mercury magic for you and you should know that I just burst into sobs. That in just a couple of generations, the grandsons and daughters of enemies can be together and not hate each other and even love each other is an immense resource and can be leaned into at any point. There is a vast well of cultural relief available here. My tears are thankful, grateful tears, tears of relief. I am thinking of the parks in vienna that are holocaust memorial parks. I am thinking of that horrible statue out in front of the Albertina that is a memorial to cultural violence but at the same time, also represents the trapped soul of the Perpetrator culture, since we are all One. In the same way that a piece of music which opens with a terrifying chord represents both the terror experienced by the terrorized, and the menace of the terrorizer, AND THE FEELINGS IN THE terrorizer that caused them to generate this chord... off on a tangent, and I’m not sobbing anymore! That was crazy. I have a tendency to lock my feelings up, but being alone in this house and in this quarantine, I can open up locked wells of feeling like that.

That resource is IMMENSE, and it’s RIGHT in front of our faces all the time. I took a class on 20th century germany in undergrad, and the professor was a young guy with a Nazi grandfather, well I’m not sure if he was a Nazi but he was a German soldier, and he remarked on it. And I think at the time I thought “how lovely” but if you sit with that feeling, it’s deep as hell. And if you sit with it from the perspective of a penitent perpetrator, it’s REALLY FUCKING DEEP.

So that’s available. Im gonna post this real quick as a way of saving the draft but I have more ideas.

Okay. Continuing,

Resource 2 also from reddit post

The top respondent says his German POW uncle had a British GF. That’s similar to the first resource, but more immediate. I’m sure there are lots of stories like that. Intercultural experience that nullifies certain tensions

Resource 3 also from reddit post

The stories of people who did do the right thing... maybe. I dont know. I’ll get off this post soon but it’s interesting. Idk if this counts as a resource, it’s kind of a tangent, but the more I learn about karma and trans-life inheritance of it, the more it seems true that it really is better to die living in line with your beliefs than to live safely. Like the person in Pweuy’s post. That father died but his karma was pristine as far as this was concerned and perpetrator trauma did not cling to him.

ok jesus this is an interesting post... the girl skipping over the river of blood as it trickled out of the asylum... the hitler youth boy befriending a lamb and the nazis slaughtering it in front of him... the russian soldier who guarded the german girl because she reminded him of her daughter...

Okay. Before I go on, I want to clarify that I am not specifically talking about people who held Nazi beliefs in their core. There is a special type of perpetrator injury that is specific to that kind of thing, true villains and terrorists. I’m talking more about “ordinary Germans” who didn’t think very hard and got swept along, moderate supporters to moderate resisters. As a culture, they were moved by the tides into Naziism. They have culpability, but not the exact same kind of culpability as perpetrator people. The culture moved to perpetrate these crimes, and they were a part of that culture. That’s the specific kind of wound I’m interested in healing. There is a poster on that page whose grandma really loved Hitler...

Ok! I spent a lot of my energy in that page, now its 10PM and I still have veggies to prepare. I need energy for this next thing I was going to talk about.

Resource 4 - this one specific coffee shop

I’m putting *s in its name because I like this blog anonymous. P*****n is a coffee shop in Vienna that is the only happy place I went. There were places that were ok... and fine... maybe pleasant... but this place was American levels of happy. Waiters danced around and were actually relaxed and happy. P*****n’s theme is intergenerational communication. It hires grandmothers to work behind the counter, and make pies, and you’re supposed to buy a slice of their pie and talk to them a bit. And then the waiters are young, and they communicate with the Omas. And the Omas are maybe not old enough to have been Nazis but their parents were.

They also include a bit in all their menus about intergenerational dialogue and wondering what more they can do and how they can be more of a space for it.

I had MANY genuinely pleasant little experiences there... and I think that little space that some person with a vision made, is a blossoming flowerpot with lots of healing energy where true dialogue could happen. So that could be a resource too. The happiness of that place. In fact, these conversations could happen there.

But I wouldn’t want to break the space. The course I just took talked about titration, which is just accessing a TINY part of the traumatic memory, so you don’t get overwhelmed. This is a very icy fucked up conversation for a lot of people. My Viennese friend told me to talk more quietly about it than I was. Actually I did talk about it there with some people! The German girl was surprised that I thought Vienna had a wound. So was the Irish girl actually. For other people it’s really evident. My Viennese friend. D**n. Rf: “it’s ALL I feel when I am there.” ME. God that conversation was sooo gentle and sweet and light. The Irish girl was wondering if she should move to Vienna or stay in Barcelona, and the three of us talked about Vienna nd it was SOOOOO LOVELY, holy BALLS.

But even if we don’t hold conversations there exactly, that could be a really good place for conversation to start. I could reach out to the people who run the shop to ask them about it. And then maybe conversations could happen in other places (don’t want to spoil the sweetness of the shop).

Resource 5 - personal as I investigate maybe not really a resource - but yes maybe it is a resource: Grounded, comfortable people who are Viennese, and who understand the goals and also understand the sensitivities of Viennese people more than I do; 

Resource 6 - people who are experts at cultural healing in victim cultures

Resource 7 - fostering dialogue between those two parties, also me.

Again I’m really playing fast and loose with the idea of resources. Maybe. We’re starting to move into phase 2, also, because with this dialogue, I want to open up some scripts for how to TITRATE sensitively.

phase 2

For instance, notice that I didn’t say something like “Remembering Vienna’s amazing heritage of incredible music that has the power to redeem and heal equal to and more accessibly than religions.” I think it’s true that Viennese music is a major healing resource (BEETHOVENSCHUBERTMOZARSKLTBSLJRTHBLEWSKJNS:OFDFD), but since it is bound up in Viennese identity, that notion is complex. Also, it’s not only that Viennese identity is nasty because it’s nazi and therefore that gives Schubert etc a dark tint, but also, the grand things that Vienna has contributed to western culture are now a part of Vienna’s current wound of degradation, cheapification, and humiliation by TOURISM. although I will say that I think Resource 8 should be MY OWN deep internalization of the healing power of Viennese music. Posting again to save...

...not only does that music help me be healed, but it also helps me understand healing process in the specific language of the culture i’m interested in

okay.  Phase 2. 

A picture of what I think sorta needs to happen

I think Omas that say “It was just a lot of talk, we ignored it” and “I was busy in my life”... I think what needs to happen for a perp culture is for them to actually own their part in the villainy, to claim it and stand in it and feel the pain, and say “I’m SORRY, this was HORRIBLE, I AM SORRY.” THIS WILL ALLOW THEM TO BECOME NEW!!!!!!!

That’s a v different healing process from like native american healing etc.

I really think somatic approach is a better road in than cognitive because, god, imagine cognizing all of this HORRIBLE SIN bit by bit knowing your culture perpetrated it and not having anyone to blame it on. Jesus.

How might the process of getting there look?

This is vague especially now that I don’t have that burst of energy. Conversations...

Here’s a question. After resource gathering.

“Knowing that bells rang for Hitler in Vienna, how does it feel to be Viennese?” IN YOUR BODY?

Damn THAT’S GOOD! THAT’S THE FUNDAMENTAL QUESTION. How does it feel to be Viennese? The goal is for it to feel OK.

Um, speaking specifically about Wiener trauma and their welcoming of Hitler, a few years ago, I read this in some guidebook, Vienna’s government acknowledged that they welcomed Hitler and that they were wrong, and investigating that is important for my mission. It’s cool because 1. it’s a Big Ol Step and 2. it lays groundwork for all of this.

Step 3 is really beautiful to think about. In the course I took, it’s where the instructor got out of his soothing calm neutral demeanor and started speaking passionately and bursting with smiles.

In addition to being able to be more firmly grounded in their own individual and cultural identities...

Okay, so, I’m drawn to this because I’m drawn to it, punkt. That’s all. But also, and I think I’m really late on the uptake here, I think I was due in Vienna many years ago, I think that whatever work I do in Vienna is helpful for the echoes of Naziism in today’s world, such as Trumpism (which does not...exactly... have the same kinds of premises but uses a lot of the same kinds of mecahnisms) and actual brazen nationalism, white supremicism, and far right movements. Hitler is a LOUD and REVERBERANT figure in our history for this kind of energy, and if we can do healing surrounding him, re-discovering resilience in the moderates, helping them go through the emotional journey they need to go through, they will be a beautiful resonant horn call from the past, a solid core of NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that will strengthen the culture of the entire FUCKING world.

Music will be a part of it.

I have always loved Vienna, and I can’t really analyze it. I love it like a girlfriend. I know she’s problematic. And she can be really really horrible.

The wound is deep. The horribleness, the life negating quality not only of the FUCKING WRETCHED SHOP CLERKS, but also of the WAY -- THINGS -- HAPPEN, of the overall weird ass SPIRIT in Vienna, is... God DAMN WHY do I like that city so much? It’s bizarre. It’s very pervasive. I don’t enjoy experiencing it, I don’t think it’s attractive, I don’t like it. I love Vienna THROUGH that wound. I REALLY LOVE Vienna. That’s one of the clearest things that I know in my heart. I love Vienna... and that’s the whole story. It’s one of the easiest things for me to say.

Lots of people love a city. We do it for reasons. I think our hearts are drawn where they are drawn because we are attracted to healing the specific karmas of places. The karma of my hometown is mainly racial, with native american underneath. The coffee shop that is equivalent to P*****n serves often as a place of racial conversation and healing. It is actually pretty amazing. And once there was a white supremacist with a gun there and he stood up on a table and let people see his gun. He didn’t yell or anything. But that vital thing happened there in that coffee shop.

Excuse me I also love coffee shops and Vienna is the land of coffee shops.

Okay. I love Vienna! I literally love Vienna, with my heart. I love Vienna.

One last thing. I’m saving then editing...

The postscript: A major resource, and it kinda sidesteps some things, is language. It will be much better if German is spoken in these conversations. When I went to Vienna last, I didn’t prepare my German because when I went to Vienna first, everyone spoke English and it was simply easier to speak English all the time, so I figured I wouldn’t try to give the illusion and disappoint. But lo... the native people really, really resent it if you don’t even try to speak German. They actually seem to experience it as an injury. It is wild, if you’re not expecting it.

ALL OVER VIENNA I saw the Graffiti stamp/brand, “Tourism is terrorism.” 

When I was in the airport and the cute customs dudes asked me the purpose of my visit, I said “TOURISM” and they laughed. That was fun. But it was a lie. I was a pilgrim. I... know I was a tourist, technically. But I felt such hatred for the tourists standing like apes in front of the Schubert statue in the Stadtpark. Their wretched selfie smiles plastered on top of the emptiness of their experience. My purpose in Vienna had nothing in common with theirs. And I claim that I didn’t do a lot of the tourist things - not many museums or concerts or whatever.

One of my more pleasant memories was going into a used book shop and asking about a book in the window, a German-language edition of the tao te ching from 1923 (a very strange time). I asked in English. The clerk was confused and asked if I spoke German, and I answered in German that I spoke some German, but was learning, and knew the TTC very well, and that it’s simply usually easier to speak in English. I might have used imperfect German, but I felt dignified and natural doing it.

Ok, not only the German language, but the quiet Viennese demeanor of Scorpiness. Scorpscorpscorpscorp. Quiet, observant, emotional, and responsive to gentle tenderness and consideration, and traumatized by brashness. 

Both the spoken language, and the language of the demeanor, I think are somatic approaches that sidestep cognitive...things and make the culture feel unconsciously accepted and open.

On my first trip I learned howwwwww AMERICAN I was, and then on my second trip I opened myself up to my inner Wiener and was quiet and scorpy, and I felt warmth emerge from the people and city in response. It felt really right, and it felt like i was honoring...her, and it felt um sort of romantic. ha 

[jazzviewswithcjshearn]

A detailed look at Stanley Nelson’s Miles Davis documentary: “Birth Of The Cool” (2019)

The following is an in depth review of the New York premiere weekend of Stanley Nelson's Birth of the Cool which I attended on Sunday August 25th, 2019.  Where applicable I have added some additional information about Miles' history and career to give context for new fans in the Davis orbit.  

Introduction

Miles Davis.  All you need to do is say the name and many adjectives are conjured-- restless innovator, genius, temperamental, swagger, fashion icon, tenderness, mentor. All of  these themes and then some are explored in famed director Stanley Nelson's fantastic new documentary Birth Of The Cool. For casual music lovers and devotees of Davis' extensive genre breaking career, there is a lot on offer.  Initially when the film was announced, following Don Cheadle's  creative  vision of the trumpeter's retirement period with Miles Ahead in 2015 the thought in my mind as a lifelong Davis fan was what could possibly be covered that I don't already know?  The answer is quite a bit. Through combinations of interviews with those who knew him best, musicologists, fellow musicians such as Jimmy Cobb, Herbie Hancock, Ron Carter, Wayne Shorter, Lenny White, Carlos Santana, family friends, and ex wife Frances Taylor Davis, it creates quite an intimate portrait.

By far the most impressive feature of the two hour documentary is the coverage of Miles the man, not as an mythical superhero figure as some documentaries or biopics are wont to do with their subjects.   Nelson covers virtually the entire spectrum of his career and life: personal reflections from Davis' joys  following Dizzy and Bird to 52nd street, meeting ex wife Frances Taylor, the unbearable suffering of his heroin habit quitting cold turkey, the relapse into drug use to deal with intense physical pain, his thoughts on creation, the freedom of being a black man in Paris, and the disappointment of coming home and seeing the racism again, among other topics. Davis is approachable and endearing to the audiences voiced by actor Carl Lumbly reading portions from both Miles: The Autobiography and interviews from his later years.

The Music and Film Production

Nelson's interspersion of decade specific footage to track the trajectory of the trumpeter's varied career is incredibly clever featuring stock footage, fast cuts of classic films, and significant political events.  The use of Wayne's Shorter's “Paraphernalia” from Miles In The Sky (Columbia, 1968)  as the director announces the decades through slick headers is striking. It is striking in part because it drives home the point of how the trumpeter was always moving forward.  Though he always went forward musically seeking to change with the times and grow, Miles' previous musical breakthroughs from Birth of the Cool (Capitol, 1957 rec. 1949/50) Round Midnight (Columbia, 1956) Kind of Blue (Columbia, 1959) Sketches of Spain (Columbia, 1959) Miles Smiles (Columbia, 1966) On the Corner (Columbia, 1972) The Man With the Horn (Columbia, 1981) and Tutu (Warner Bros, 1986) just to name a few, informed EVERYTHING he did; and that's important to realize for newcomers should they wish to make the deep dive to access his entire catalog.  The use of  “Agitation” from E.S.P. (Columbia, 1965) as Frances Davis was discussing the domestic violence she experienced, as well as during the recounting of the brutal beating by a drunk police officer outside Birdland shortly after Kind of Blue was issued made the viewer almost feel those incidents.  A wonderfully smart choice by Nelson to use  selections from Round Midnight, Workin' (Prestige, 1956) Kind of Blue, Sketches of Spain, Bitches Brew and On the Corner at the appropriate moments was masterful and lead a gentleman to remark at the post film Q&A that the film's totality was a composition and the director was on par with a musician.

The reasons for having an actor voice Davis was due to the fact that although Nelson had access to 40 tapes of Davis in conversation with Quincy Troupe for Miles: The Autobiography, the director explained at the post film Q&A that the interviews were recorded on a cheap tape recorder, with quite a lot of background noise, so the tapes were unusable.  It was decided to use portions of the autobiography and later interviews to tell Miles' story.  His actual voice is heard in the documentary via session reels from Freedom Jazz Dance: The Bootleg Series, Vol. 5 (Columbia/Legacy, 2015) the 50th Anniversary edition of Kind of Blue and there is some gold there.  The archival photos and footage are stunning.  Davis' friend Corky McCoy had brought two reels of film, and had a 16mm camera for which he took a class at UCLA and provided a lot of source material.  The scenes of Miles boxing are phenomenal, and one sees that he had as much passion for the sweet science as he did for music, and cooking.  He had a terrific left jab!  There were many previously unseen non performance photos that were obtained through photographer estates, and friends that add another deeply personal dimension to things.  Also essential to the narrative arc is that contrasting views are presented.  Stanley Crouch's frank admission of not getting, liking or understanding the 70's period met by a harsh, but true rebuttal by Carlos Santana is just part and parcel of the documentary's mission to feature everything.

Miles' Humor, Stance as a Civil Rights Activist

Over the course of the film's two hours, there are some hilarious bits of the trumpeter's blunt commentary on life experience, and thoughts on other musicians.  For those with a deep knowledge of him, there are no new revelations, but they are quite funny just the same.  Miles is heard in session reel audio “I can't play that shit, man!” and even more uproarious in a story relayed by Wayne Shorter of a well known episode, the trumpeter's response to black folk playing the blues out of suffering is classic: “you're a GODDAMN liar!!!” Finally, tenor legend Archie Shepp discussed wanting to sit in with Davis to which he was met with a stone cold “fuck you!!” which brought a unison chuckle from the Film Forum audience.

As funny as his remark was regarding his teacher's naive comment, it boldly demonstrated  Miles' commitment to  exercising the civil rights of black people, and the pride of being black.  In 1957 when Miles Ahead was first issued, Columbia chose a white woman sailing on the cover because they felt that it would show that the trumpeter crossed over to a mainstream (read: white) audience.  When Davis saw the cover, he incredulously asked “who is this white bitch on the cover?”  The album was promptly reissued with an image of him instead.  In 1961, he demanded that Frances Davis be photographed on the cover-- the first in a series of covers featuring black women on the trumpeter's records which for the time period, an incredibly progressive move. Cicely Tyson was featured on the cover of Sorcerer in 1967, another emphatic statement on the beauty of black women.  As the film discussed early on, Miles saw his dark complexion symbolic of power, and that is something he exhibited time and time again. Although not covered in the film, the famous February 12, 1964 concert that produced My Funny Valentine and the companion Four and More brought forth a rare passion from the players involved because they had learned Davis had waved the fee for the show as it was an NAACP benefit.  Also he had felt strongly about the apartheid in South Africa during the 80's and refused to play there.  He was committed to the civil rights of African Americans up until the day he died.

Transition to Superstar in the 80's

As Miles started back on the road to health in the early 80's after the 1972 car wreck that caused him considerable physical pain and causing him to  dive back into substance abuse, he emerged a new man in the 80's.  He cut Man With The Horn with a new band, diving into the new decade's vision of funk. Along the way he tapped into Caribbean flavored grooves, synth pop, and hip hop.   He did interviews (most memorable, his appearances with Bill Boggs and on the Arsenio Hall Show) television shows like Miami Vice, and played a leading role in the film Dingo. Nelson's choice of footage and commentary from musicians during this period show him as positively ebullient, Davis was healthier, painting and cooking, his passions with increased zeal.  The footage of the Tutu session, showing the trumpeter's investment in current pop music of the day, and with Prince is quite jubilant.  

Touching Moments

There are several touching moments scattered throughout the film that Nelson uses to truly allow the audience to identify with Davis and those who loved and cared about him.  Three particularly stood out. The star of the film was without a doubt Frances Davis who had detailed a few stories previously unbeknownst to me.  When Miles fell in love with her after seeing her in a production, she was heavily courted by top Hollywood and Broadway actors of the day, with unshakable confidence,  and wry humor she professed in the film that as a dancer, her legs were her best asset and that  was like with everyone else, won Miles over.  Though he had many romantic partners, he and Frances clearly had something that was beyond special.  He admitted due to his drug use that he was a bit jealous of the attention she received after being cast in West Side Story and made her quit the show.  The emotion she felt when retelling the regret she had when leaving the show, and  her career behind was palpable and heartbreaking.  She would frequently disappear upstairs in their apartment and gaze longingly at her ballet slippers between bouts of cooking.  Lumbly, as Miles intones in his signature rasp how he wished he knew years later that Frances was the best thing to ever happen to him-- a fact he was unaware of when they were together.

The second really touching moment of the film occurs towards the end of Miles' career during the famous 1991 Montreux concert conducted by Quincy Jones where he revisited classic Gil Evans arrangements. There was no musician closer to Davis from 1983-1991 than Wallace Roney.  In the film, Roney explains his feelings at Miles indicating he wanted to get the quintet with Wayne Shorter, Herbie Hancock, Ron Carter and Tony Williams back together but also revisit the Gil Evans material, he had the sudden realization Miles had little time left. The rehearsals for the July, 1991 Montreux concert were vigorous, and Davis showed up for only a few.  One of the most challenging pieces was “Pan Piper”.  Roney, sensing what his mentor and dear friend was feeling physically jumped in to assist.  The piece was not rehearsed but called at the concert, and Davis, summoning the strength of his youth plays a remarkable solo, sharing phrases with Roney.  At one particularly difficult passage, Roney jumps in, but Miles is also playing the same phrase.  Like Muhammad Ali winning the title a third time in the 1978 rematch with Leon Spinks, Davis managed to reach back and heroically play through the tune, as he did the rest of the concert, providing a memorable late career moment.

The third deeply emotional moment is shared by Miles' last partner, friend Jo Gelbard.  As the trumpeter was rushed to the hospital, she detailed some of their last moments as Miles was in his bed prior to having a stroke.  The moment has a gut wrenching, aching beauty similar to a great solo like on “Blue in Green” or “Time After Time”.  She tells of a conversation that she and Miles had where he said “God doesn't punish you, you get everything you want.  You just have limited time.”  Indeed, a provocative thought on mortality.

Closing Thoughts

Attending the Birth of the Cool New York City premiere weekend was a marvelous experience.  While fans can quibble about what was not included, what albums were glossed over, the lack of bands represented, etc the documentary set out what it was supposed to do; present a balanced, comprehensive portrait of Miles Davis the musician, and human being.  While it would have been nice to hear from band mates like George Coleman, Keith Jarrett, Airto, Kenny Garrett, Foley, Marilyn Mazur, Benny Rietveld, Jack DeJohnette, Chick Corea or Dave Holland, many of them are featured in the Miles Davis Story (2001) and those interviews can be used as a supplement to this new film.  Stanley Nelson treats Davis with respect, and veneration detailing the human experience at each point. The wealth of unseen photos and film footage are a nice bonus for diehard fans, and the well known stories that they all know, will be enlightening to casual and new fans of Davis. The Q&A on the Sunday, August 25th matinee was incredibly insightful, with probing detailed audience questions, with an added treat:  The ageless 95 year old drumming pioneer Roy Haynes in the audience!  One of the few surviving titans to have played with Charlie Parker.  The documentary is on a par with Jaco, Chasing Trane and Bill Frisell: A Portrait.

Rating: 8.5/10

(c)2019 CJ Shearn

[nanigma]

Leon Fanbook Translation: Questionnaire Results

Link to the Takumi Fanbook

Introduction

Profile

Famous Lines

Relationships

Leon&Kamui + Words of Love

Daily Routine + Cooking Showdown

Fashion Check

Dream Change

Interview

Sorry for the wait, but there was just so MUCH text involved in this update. I think I spent about 10 hours total translating this over the past weeks. It had even more text than the Takumi version, since they added some additional comments and reader answers. Just one more update to go after this one and I’ll have finished it. Gonna take a break from translating for a while after I get back to the promised translations I couldn’t do in the meantime.

Part time job is still going and paying decently well. Still, more always helps, so if you’d like to support my work, consider buying me ko-fi or two.  

- All the photos on this post were taken by the lovely @zaziki7

My comments in italics

Questionaire Results

Pages 40-41

Page 40

The part were you and me talk about Prince Leon!

When we commemorated the release of our Prince Leon magazine, we also send out a questionare through the official Nintendo Dream twitter account. For 10 days, from July 13th 2018 to the 23rd, we accepted 560* filled out questionnaires and will now publish the results. We will convey the intense and simply overwhelming love that Leon's fans have for him, their explanations for it, and the heartfelt well-wishes towards him.

*Interesting to note that Takumi had 627 questionnaries filled out.

Questionary Demographic

Gender = Backed overwhelmingly by women!

Graph

Women: 89,5%

Men: 7.3%

Unspecified: 3.2%

Age = Over 80% in their teens and twenties!

Graph:

Twenties: 50.4%

Teens: 28%

Thirties: 16.5%

Unspecified: 2.8

Fourties and older: 2.1%

These are the results. The percentage of Leon's female fans almost reaching 90% is a deviation that surpasses all imagination. Surely the percentage of women is as high as it is, because we were asking for a magazine. Conversely, isn't it sort of unfair that male fans of „Fire Emblem“ do not have a character fanbook appealing to them? At least that's what we think... Gentlemen among fans, raise your voice!

They already get 90% of the figurines. I think they are more than compensated.

Q1. (Of course Leon's most attractive feature is that pretty face of his!)

“What about Leon do you like? Please choose three options.“  

Graph (no actual numbers given, so I'll just approximate)

His face: ~325

His voice: ~200

His heart: ~225

His outfit: ~75

His behaviour: >75

His strength: ~125

His retainers: ~25

Everything: ~250

Q1. Picking out the other answers:

“The way he uses magic!!“

Zola: “I-is this my cue?“

Odin: “Not you. Sit down.“

Other answers: How he feels inferior to his older brothers. It's quite human./ His slight clumsiness/ When he acts like an older brother/ How he is sweet to his brother or sister, even when facing them as enemies/ How he is kind to both his family and subordinates/ His lower eyelashes/ (English comment passing through) Smart, condescending, well written character, and a great unit to boot. His design with the black and purple designs reflect light beautifully/ How he always does his best to use his wits to approach others with nonchalant friendliness and to dodge the scrutiny of his opponents./How he is the kind of man, who, while not always used to flirting and occasionally showing surprise, will take the lead when it comes down to it and spoil his partner./ First answer repeats here for some reason/ How his character, face, magic and entire existence make him the very image of a stud. But I also like his less icy character traits a lot.

Q1. Picking out the other answers:

“His lower eyelashes!!”

Aqua: “Yes... Leon's eyes are quite sharp.”

Zero: ”That’s not what you should be paying attention to...”

Page 41

Q2. (Cute? Cool? In either case, he makes you want to protect him!)

“How would you describe your feelings for Leon? Please choose 3 options.“

Graph

Cool: <400

Cute: <450

Strong: >150

Healing: ~250

Want to snuggle up to him: <150

Hope to interact with him: >50

Beautiful (and other answers): <5

Other answers: Even though he is an excellent take on the old-school, collected hot guy, I always love it when his collar is inside out./ I want to spoil him/ I want to worship him/ I want to pat his head/ I want to support his feelings for Camilla/ I want to see his sleeping face/ I want to watch him from afar/ I think it's very human how he appears to be able to do anything, yet there are many things he cannot do/ etc.

Leon ol’ pal, there is actual support for your darkest secret out there...

Q2. Picking out the other answers:

“I envy your popularity!!“

Marx: “Who? Who could have left this answer....”

Macbeth: “W-Why are you looking at me?”

Q2. Picking out the other answers:

“I want to marry him!“

Elise: “Eh, then I want to marry him too!”

Camilla: “My... stealing isn't nice, alright?”

Am I really supposed to believe Elise is in her teens? Also, what is this family?

Pages 42-43

Page 42

Q3 (Those fleeting moments, where he breaks from his cold-hearted and unfeeling persona show Leon's true self!)

“Tell us which one of Leon's scenes and lines is the best of them all.“

1st Place (at 34.8%): Birthright Chapter 18 – Prince Leon of Nohr: His scene with Kamui after the map is cleared.

“... I lied, sister. I lied about hating you.“

2nd Place (at 20.5%): When doing a critical attack.

“Turn to dust already!“

3rd Place (at 18.2%): Prologue Chapter 1 – Nohrian Brethren: Scene with Kamui

“Eh!? My collar is inside out!? T- Then say so already...“

Other answers: Birthright Chapter 18: “The true blackness will paint over everything... your life, your future, it will all come to nothing...“/ Birthright Chapter 18: “That's quite the thing to say. If you keep looking, it should become obvious soon enough. Come on, I am already... this close after all.“/ A-Support with Odin: “It doesn't matter which world you go to, you'll always continue to be my retainer.“/ A-Support with Elise: “Yeah. Even if we only share half of our blood, even if all we are doing comes to naught.... so long as we accept each other, our bond will not be torn.“

Q4. (With the way it makes his pale skin shine, the Dark Knight outfit is far and away the most popular!)

“Tell us which one of Leon's possible classes (outfits) is your favourite!“

Graph:

Dark Knight: 79.7%

Sorceror: 0.6%

Butler: 0.4%

No percentages from here

Strategist

Dark Flier

Grandmaster

Others

Below graph box

Overwhelming approval for the Dark Knight! Straddling his horse adorned with golden ornaments, the armour carrying the elegance of the night sky, and the garments lightly dancing around his figure proudly represent the official outfit of Prince Leon! It's befitting of a king!

Translating this made me come close to crying from frustration.

Page 43

Q5 (The bond between master and servants are strong! Zero and Odin come at number one and two!)

“Tell us which character is your favourite besides Leon.“

1st Place: Zero (at 111 votes)

2nd Place: Odin (at 61 votes)

3rd Place: Elise (at 57 votes)

4th Place: Marx (at 45 votes)

5th Place: Camilla (at 38 votes)

6th Place: Takumi (at 36 votes)

7th Place: F!Kamui (at 32 votes)

8th Place: M!Kamui (at 30 votes)

9th Place: Foleo (at 21 votes)

While within the story, the bonds between the Nohrian siblings run deep, the popularity of Leon's group in general is superior even to that. But Zero has the most overwhelming support of them all. When adding in his personal history, one can't help but grin at seeing the viscously distant Zero having close banter with Leon. Surprisingly (?) big brother Marx beats out Kamui and gets into 4th place.

Pages 44-45

Page 44

Q6. (Most think he seems the type to join a social sciences type of activity like the student council! On the other hand, many also believe he wouldn't join any club at all.)

“If Leon went to a modern day school, what kind of club do you think he'd join?“

Graph

Student Council: ~70

None: >50

Literature/Literary Club: <45

Chess Club: ~35

Equestrian/Horse-Riding Club: >25

Science Club: >25

Gardening Club: <25

Wind Instrument Club: >20

Book/Reading Club: <20

Astronomy Club: >15

Tennis Club: ~15

Shogi Club: ~15

Chemistry Club: >10

Supernatural/Occult Club: ~10

Fencing Club: ~10

Art Club: 10

Other: History Club/ Basketball Club/ Board Game Club/ Mathematical Research Club/ Soccer Club/ Light Music Club/ Magic Club/ Theater Club/ Debate Club/ Broadcasting Club/ Science&Engineering Club/ Newspaper Club/ System Appliances Club/ Go Club/ Conversational English Club/ Table Tennis Club/ Tomato Appreciation Club/ Handicrafts Club/ Swimming Club/ Biology Club

Most answers we received weren't about any club activities, but the school council!! No matter the circumstances, he still gives off a regal image. On the opposite extreme, many were opting for him to not join a club at all, probably reflecting his attitude of wanting to make his own path without being tied down by other people. The other answers referred to his demonstrated rationality and reasoning with clubs such as the literature and literary clubs, or his desire to raise tomatoes with the gardening club. Within the 'Other' answers, there was certainly a theme centering around the „Debate Club“ (likely because Leon is skilled at fighting with words alone).  

Q7. (So Leon really is the the indoor type? Books were his key item* all along.)

“You are going on a date with Leon! Where do you think you'll go?“

*dating sim reference

Graph

The library: ~70

An art gallery/museum: <50

Some kind of tomato plantation: ~45

A spot from which to gaze at the night sky: ~35

A high-class restaurant: >30

The cinema: ~30

A stylish café: ~25

An aquarium: <25

A planetarium: >20

A theme park: <20

Some Nohrian place: >15

His place: ~15

Others: ~140

Other answers: Watching a play at the theater/ The park/ The cinema (this was already in the graph?)/ A forest/ His home/ My Room (as in the Fates one)/ A flower field/ An antique shop/ Exploring the castle/ A place from which to watch the night sky filled with stars/ We'd have walks from the Sakurahommachi station in Nagoya, where I would drag Leon, who hates getting his feet wet, to the beach. We'd visit the Landmarktower in Yokohama and see the whole city sprawled out below from the viewing platform. Then finally, while riding a ferry's wheel, I'd want to watch as Leon would blush and become embarassed at failing to work up the courage to congratulate me on my birthday by the time we reached the top./ To an orchestra performance/ A botanical garden/ A horse ride/ A curiosity shop for tomes/ A haunted house

Some have clearly put more thought into this than others...

Leon love for tomatoes is carried by a deep knowledge of them! Speaking of, the library, art galleries and museums, are places that do the most to challenge his intellectual mind. Next is something normal people would never have thought of: A tomato plantation. Probably to go gather tomatoes. Enjoying your favourite person's favourite together must be a very fun activity. It makes us imagine Leon with a carefree smile on his face.

Page 45

Q8. (While his image is all over the place, the common feature happens to be the intellectual elite!?)

“If Leon were to enter the modern workforce, what kind of job do you think he would have?“

Graph

Something IT-related (including management): ~60

Scholar/Researcher: ~30

Lawyer: ~25

Company President/ Member of a Company President's family: <25

Company Employee: >20

On a Tomato Plantation: <20

Secretary: ~15

Teacher: <15

Company Manager: ~10

Marx's Confidant: <10

Government Employee: <10

Company director: <10

Librarian: <10

Doctor: <10

Bureaucrat: >5

Others: ~190

Other answers: Accountant/Whatever it is, he'd be wearing a suit/ Strategist/ Flower Shop Owner/ Human Resources/ System Engineer/ Diplomat/ Public Prosecutor/ Model/ Greengrocer/ Actor/ Employee at a pharmaceutical company/ Policeman/ Administrative Scrivener*/ Day Trader/ Playing in an Orchestra/ Bank Employee/ Designer/ Investor/ Translator/ Real Estate Agent/ Publisher/ Bartender/ He'd come from a good family, graduate from a famous university, find employment at a leading company and be a very promising newcomer there./ Idol/ Astronaut/ Free-lance Designer

*From Wikipedia: Administrative Scrivener(行政書士 Gyōsei shoshi)is a legal profession in Japan which files government licenses and permits, drafts documents, and provides legal advice around such interactions.

What overshadows the minority opinions are results strongly influenced by Leon's reputation as a schemer. He, who even during the plot stuck to his own methods and views, would surely acquire expertize the business world of our time and establish himself with his own abilities in the blink of an eye. Futhermore, most people see Leon at the top of some kind of organization, rather than below someone like Marx, when our previous impressions of him saw him as someone's number 2.

Q9. (The impression of him having a preferance for scientific subjects is strong! It's surprising to see English were it is... we assumed it would be German.)  

So it's semi-officially confirmed that Nohrians are meant to speak German?

“If Leon was a teacher at a school, what kind of subject do you think he'd teach?“

Graph

Math: >100

Natural Sciences: >75

Chemistry: ~55

English: >45

Physics: ~45

Science: >25

Japanese ('Native Language'): ~25

History: <25

Biology: ~20

Social Studies: <20

History/World History: >15

Others: <30

Other answers: Economics/ Ethics/ Philosophy/ Civics/ Music/ Art/ Geography/ Magic

The impression that Leon is the science type was certainly shared by many, so as a result Math and the Sciences all stand at the top. His Strategist class (That is a tactician. Many have pointed out that in our age it would propably translate to being an expert speculator) also left quite the impact on these results. Although it's possible to say his love for books within the story has certainly been noticed, even when considering at answers for subjects like socials sciences, Japanese and English, the overwhelming majority still leans towards scientific subjects. While strict his methods would also be precise, so there can be no doubt he'd make an excellent teacher.

Pages 46-47

Page 46

Q10. (This is a bit biased, but it's the cool Leon we are talking about, so we want to hear his whispers full of sarcasm.)

“Tell us the one line you would want to hear from Leon.“

1st Place: “You really have the worst luck.“

2nd Place: “Turn to dust already!“

3rd Place: “I love you“*

*It shows both „Aishiteru“ and „Daisuki“ here, both of which are commonly translated as „I love you“. However, Aishiteru is a lot stronger in meaning than Daisuki. You wouldn't say that in everyday life even to your spouse of 10 years. It's inappropriate for all but the most dramatic situations. Like 'someone is dying' dramatic. This has been a language PSA.

Other answers: “How foolish“/ “My collar isn't inside out, right?“/ “My collar is inside out“/ “... Good grief, you really can't be trusted without me around.“/ “Jeez... looks like I have no choice. I'll protect you.“/ !You are pretty lucky.“/ “Eh... Sister you are sca-... Too close! You are too close!“/ “Do you want to eat tomatoes with me? Sister?“/ “I love you“/ “Are you stupid“/ “Despicable fool.“/ “Death shall be your redemption.“/“Look only at me, think only about me.“/ “I love you.“/ “Can I hug you?“/ Upon telling him his collar is inside out: “Ugh, say so earlier!“/ “I'll destroy you with black arts.“/ “Jeez, I'm no match for big brother.“/ “Pull yourself together, sister.“/ “Feel free to become Foleo's wife“/ “It's a lie that I hate you.“/ “That was well done.“/ “Welcome home.“/ “I want to eat your miso soup.“ *chokes*/ “Thank you for cleaning everyday“ (Maid setting)/ “How clumsy.“/ “You are always hard at work. I expect much from your services.“/ “Aren't these clothes inside out? Eh? That's how they are designed? Uhh...“/ “My collar is inside out!? … Tell me that sooner!“/ “Huh...?“/ “Traitors are a disgrace to the Kingdom of Nohr. Death shall be your redemption.“/ (In English) “I love you so much, please love yourself.“/ “You really can't do anything without me.“/ “Do you also want a tomato?“ (as in eating one)/ “Let's eat tomatoes together.“/ “I love it when you turn redder than a tomato.“/ “Don't say I have a woman's face.... I'd rather have you say that I'm cool instead of cute.“/ “Isn't your coat inside out as well? … Hehe, I'm kidding.“

Everyone's love is bursting from these answers. We can fully understand both the group that wants to be disparaged and the group that wants to be treated gently. Seeing just how many fans aren't satisfied with just a tsundere, but desire a cheeky little brother who verbally abuses them, we get the feeling we have found Leon's true appeal.

Kinkshame 100% appropriate.

Page 47

Takumi VS. Leon!!

Just like in this book, we also made a questionary to celebrate the release of the „Prince Takumi of Hoshido“ fanbook. Both of the questionaries included 5 questions pitting Leon and Takumi against each other. Although it appeared mostly like a popularity contest, we also gathered many responses and explanations that were overflowing with love. Although we have obviously published these answers in the Takumi fanbook as well, we will be publishing the comments that came with choosing Leon only in this magazine.

Q11. (Their popularity is almost exactly the same! Those who answered with something else mostly commented about how they „wanted to watch team X from afar.“)

“If you had to choose a side between them, which one would you pick?“

Graph

Leon: 45.1%

Takumi: 43.9%

Others: 11.0%

Q12. (Although they share many of the same habits and outlooks, it seems Takumi came out on top on this one.)

“Who do you think makes for the better father?“

Leon: 48.8%

Takumi: 51.2%

Reasons for choosing Leon: He praises Foleo from the dephts of his heart. He is able to truly accept him./ He hasn't known love from either of his parents, so he seems to put great effort into raising his child/ He seems very good at giving out praise!/ As a strategist he seems like he's be great at planning out child-rearing and lifeplans./ Because he seems to have an understanding of his child as a human being/ After apologizing to his son for rejecting him without even listening to his side, he is able to come to a mutual understanding with him/ Because he seems great at applying the carrot-and-stick method/ Because he is someone who holds his family dear. Together with his child he is able to learn from both success and failure and grow as a person./ Since he knows what he wanted for his own childhood/ He seems great at calming people down/ He seems the type to help his kids with their studies

Q13. (Just like with Question 12, Leon comes up short in the results. Could it be that he is a bit of a complex father figure?)

Could it??

“Whose son/daughter would you want to be?“

*I orginally translated this question wrong in the Takumi fanbook. The additional ansers here gave it context. I’ll correct it there as soon as I get around to it.

Leon: 43.6%

Takumi: 56.4%

Reasons for choosing Leon: While he is strict, he seems like he'd take care when teaching magic arts./ Although I also want to be Foleo's sibling, mostly I just want to be praised by Leon./ If I conveyed my love for him all sweet, I am sure he'd be grateful./ I'd have a beautiful daddy/ Because I could support Foleo no matter what his dreams were/ He seems very cold, but I think his love runs deep/ Because he seems the type to passionately devote himself to helping me study/ Human nature/ I want him to praise me by saying „That's my child!“/ He seems like he'd be a good hugger when he is in the mood to spoil/ He'd probably be a doting father/ Although he seems like he'd be a very careful father, I want to be there to see him be careless at times/ I want to see how his usually calm presentation as a father gets disrupted by his subordinates/ Because Team Leon has Zero in it/ Although he'd deny it at first, someday he'd become a father who understands his love for his child./ Because I want to have a knowledgable father/ Although cruel, he is nice to his friends and family/ It'd be fun being around Zero and Odin from a young age.

Q.14 (Their popularity is the same here, leading them to share perfectly identical results! There were several heated comments explaning the decision!

“If you could have one of them as your own child, which one would you choose?”

Graph:

Leon: 50%

Takumi: 50%

Reasons for choosing Leon: Although he'd be a bit careless, I can see him becoming a son worth boasting about./ I want to coddle him/ He'd be an obedient child growing up. Also, since he's grow up to be very beautiful I would want to dress him up a lot./ He would probably need to be helped out a lot, which is just too cute!/ Because I want to spoil Leon!!/ Because I want a well-mannered child/ I want to watch over him with a smile whenever he is clumsily rushing through life/ Because being both smart and friendly is very cute!/ Because I want to defeat Leon's unbelievable loneliness with praise!/ I want Leon to have more confidence in himself/ Until I die, I want to continue seeing Leon as an irreplacable presence in my life, more valuable than anyone else./ I hope to decrease Leon's inferiority-complex even a little/ Since he is starved for motherly-love, I want to be the one to show it to him/ Because I want to feed him lots of delicious tomato dishes/ So we can read lots of books together/ He seems to be the obedient, quiet type/ Since Leon's relationship with his mother can't be called good, I want to raise him lovingly this time around./ He|d be a smart, hard-working son to boast about/ Because I want to have him enter a boy's choir group/ He is just so cute!

Anyone else get the feeling some of these people would be better served with a doll than a child?

Q.15 (An indoor type like Leon can't hope to compete in this with an outdoor type like Takumi...)

“If you were stranded together on a deserted island, who do you think you could rely on most?“

Graph

Leon: 39.1%

Takumi: 60.9%

Reasons for choosing Leon: I bet he could do something with Brunhilde (such as harvesting fruit)/ I think Leon would be better at staying calm and make the right decisions during such circumstances.  Then he'd use magic to light a fire, dig a waterway, cut down trees and gather materials to then use them to build a house/ I think he'd be able to stay calm about it/ Utilizing his vast knowledge, he'd likely be able to provide safe water and food./ Because he can grow apples/ Either of his retainers would give it their all/ Unlikely to panic, he'd be a calm guide/ He can make fire with magic/ As he is called 'Gravitymaster', he can manipulate the earth as much as he likes and provide a lifestyle that way./ Having magic that can manipulate gravity seems useful/ No matter what happens, I am sure he'd be able to use his knowledge to get by somehow. Plus, I am sure big siblings Camilla and Marx would rush in to the rescue.

So what do you think of the results of these 15 questions? We truly thank everyone who gave their answers within such a limited time. Although we think that there were a lot of unexpected questions relating to our modern way of life, but do you not agree that in this way we were able to more clearly solidify our image of Leon? If all of you continue supporting and showing your love for Leon... we can only call that the correct result.

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Next update will finally be the last. It may take a bit to get out, but it should happens faster than this. I just realized I’ve spent over half a year on this project...I want to sleep 100 years..