#so many hermits in this one guys it's wild

[cattimeswithjellie]

Server Tour Stream Recap (Gem POV) 6-13-2024

((It's finally done! It's 13,000 words long! It is also available on AO3 (as are all the other recaps) if you can't read it here, just look for my username Etraytin!))

1:55 Gem opens the stream and greets the chat. She’s inside her base, grabbing rockets because today is a special day! She’s streaming a Hermitcraft meeting, which is weird, but this meeting is actually a server tour where everyone will get a chance to see one anothers’ bases. The tour was Joe’s idea and some people will be streaming, some recording. Gem already recorded today, so here she is!

3:00 Gem joins in on the server tour voice group, where the Hermits are complimenting each others’ weird outfits. Ren is showing off his new skin, a Gigacorp space suit. Cleo tells him he no longer looks like a kid who dressed himself. Ren tells them that was the mission, to regain some semblance of dignity. Cleo would not go that far. Gem adjusts the sound levels to make everyone more audible, just as Cleo asks everyone who is streaming to mute for a moment. Apparently she has more to say about Ren’s outfit. Joe and Gem both confirm that they will not be deafening. Cleo tells Ren she will talk with him later about the thing she just noticed about his outfit. Ren doesn’t like the sound of this. Bdubs asks Ren where exactly the pink stripe is on his outfit. Ren, somewhat defensively, says it’s on his belt buckle. Cleo is still laughing. Joel crouches for a good look as Bdubs decides he knows everything he needs to know. Joel makes a comment about something peeking just a little bit. He could be talking about the microphones, sure. Gem scolds the Hermits, reminding them that Cleo wasn’t even going to say it! Cleo admits that wasn’t what she was going to mention. Ren admits that he’s just sen what the other Hermits are seeing, and he hates his life. He tells everyone he’ll see them next season and leaves the game.

5:20 Gem checks volume levels with Chat, just as Jono raids into the stream. Chat is real distracted by Ren’s outfit, but they attempt to participate in the volume check. In the background, Joe explains that he has four shulkers of lava to represent the lava pool from the start of the season, where they’d once intended to meet to kick off their world tour. The Hermits begin digging a new lava pool. Ren comes back and says this reminds him of 1.7, just flat grass and lava. Gem has missed Joe’s explanation of why they are digging the lava pool, but she has to resist the temptation to knock her friends into it. She punches Joel instead, who tries to shoot her with an arrow. Cleo really hopes that Hypno, whose yard the new pool is in, chose this exact spot to log out.

7:30 The question is raised, whose base to visit first? Xisuma is the obvious choice, being as how it is literally right there, but he claims to be “wildly unprepared.” Joe suggests that this will just make the other Hermits feel better about their own bases. They wait for everyone to join who is coming, while Ren appreciates the Eye of Sauron (Cub’s glass firework) staring down upon them all. While they are waiting, the group resumes teasing Ren. Cleo jokes that if Ren thinks eyes look like that, he should see an optician. Xisuma asks Ren how many fingers he’s holding up. (“One stump,” Ren answers accurately.) Gem comments on Ren’s brand new facial hair. Gigacorp Ren has been working hard and has had no time to shave.

9:20 Gem thanks subs and donos, then authorizes her mods to ban a chatter who is misbehaving. Ren wishes he could grow a nice beard IRL like Bdubs. Bdubs is of the opinion it is as much a burden as a blessing. He is clearly trying to make Ren feel better. Bdubs and Cleo debate whether Johnny Depp is still a sex symbol. The guys jump in on the side of Johnny Depp. Joel claims that his granddad is a sex symbol and he’s 80. Joe guesses that Joel’s grandfather is Mick Jagger. Cleo doesn’t want to hear about anybody’s grandfather being sexy. Gem is visibly rebooting on her facecam, trying to figure out what has happened to the conversation during her thirty seconds away. She demands to know what they are even talking about. Joel tells her nothing, it’s fine. She begins punching him in the direction of the lava. He sets her on fire. She scolds him for being violent. Chat says nobody should set Gem on fire during pride month.

10:50 Cleo demands to know if there’s actually a way to stop Gem from punching people. Joel says sure, just hit her back (with a fire aspect sword, apparently). Gem says that Joel can, with the heavy implication that she doesn’t believe Cleo has Joel’s skill in hitting back. Ren says this is all a very wholesome start to their evening of base tours. The Hermits gather around the lava pool and demand Xisuma jump in so things can be just like they were in Episode One. Xisuma welcomes everyone to the first mini world tour of the season and jumps in the lava. He catches on fire and is extinguished by the others. They all feel very nostalgic about it. Cleo asks if this means Demise is starting again. Joe says it’s time to go trap Bdubs. Bdubs is unenthusiastic. Gem punches Joel one more time to show she will not be intimidated, and then it is time to go!

11:50 Joe asks what inspired Xisuma’s base design, he says “Stuff I saw on Google.” It’s a loose interpretation of Aztec building design. The garden is the first stop, Gem loves it. They discuss his garden design, which makes use of cherry leaves to drop petals and the new tuff blocks. Cleo critiques the sinister aesthetic of X’s villager farm, but Gem is distracted by a palm tree made of diamond blocks. This was a payment from Keralis, who has too many diamonds. Joel is jealous and complains that nobody is buying his honey, still. He doesn’t have the honeycomb permit and nobody wants honey blocks. Cleo says that they will all buy honey from him now just to stop him complaining about it. Gem does not mind the complaining and heckles Joel about how much better honeycomb is than honey. Bdubs asks why anyone would ever need a whole stack of honey blocks and asks if Joel sells individual blocks. Joel says sure, but they’re six diamonds so you might as well buy the stack for the same price.

14:30 Gem wanders into the storage room and exclaims over the massive wall of brightly-colored shulker boxes. The group has broken up by now. Xisuma leads everyone into the storage room, where they agree with Gem’s initial impression of “_so many_ shulker boxes.”Xisuma explains that behind the extraordinary number of shulker boxes is an extraordinary amount of redstone. He has a shulker unloader and all the boxes are filters to sort into. He also has a shulker box mod that puts a picture of the item on each shulker box, rather than being an enormous blank wall of shulkers like it is to Gem and Chat. He explains a bit more how the system works while the Hermits make an enormous racket opening shulker boxes. Joe asks what a potion of strength is for and why Xisuma is making them. Xisuma has no answers for him.

16:20 Gem wanders away again, down a labyrinth of underground tunnels. Xisuma explains that he wanted to connect the two halves of his base, but he decided to make a twisted and turning tunnel rather than a straight shot. Bdubs appreciates how mazelike it feels. Gem slides down the up side of the honey elevator amd gets stuck, losing track of the others in the process. False and Doc are also stuck, so at least she has company in the claustrophobic space. They figure themselves out and rejoin the group, except for Joel who is stuck in a spiderweb and Doc, who is stuck in the elevator. Now that Gem has figured it out, she loves the honey elevator. Bdubs finds a horse named “Nametag.” Cleo gets stuck in the elevator and declares it broken. The other hermits gather on the roof while Xisuma coaxes Cleo out of the elevator. Gem punches Joe into the elevator shaft but he has figured it out and doesn’t even lodge a protest as he climbs out.

20:10 Xisuma gives up on Cleo and wishes them the best of luck before leading the group on the flying portion of the base tour. Someone, probably Joe, is flying with explosive rockets. Gem exclaims that she has never been to this part of the base before and it is way bigger than she thought it was. It is indeed very large. X says this part is not decorated yet, but it’s for all his autocrafting and tree farms. His combination tree farm/autocrafter can make every different type of wood block. Gem is on the other side of the large space, but the Hermits near the tree-farm area begin uh-ohing as Doc (proprietor of Big Wood) unsheathes his sword. X also shows off his bamboo autocrafting area where he makes mosaic blocks to Bdubs (holder of the bamboo permit) just so he can bother all his friends equally. Bdubs is not impressed, partly because he has a setup like that already and partly because nobody will buy mosaic blocks. Cleo, fresh out of the elevator, says she’s bought some, that she’s been trying to buy stuff off everyone. ((Cleo, the owner of the S-Tier enchanting books permit and the hay bales permit, is somewhere in the top 3 of richest Hermits.)) Bdubs thanks her graciously and says she’s doing a wonderful job. False suggests the reason Xisuma has a diamond block tree is because he doesn’t need to buy anything. Doc heaves a sigh.

22:10 Xisuma wants to make sure to mention that the permits are for selling materials, but if people just want to be given items for free, they can come over here and take what they need. Reactions to this are very mixed, mostly based on who is selling what commodities. Cleo is laughing pretty hard. Doc threatens a lawsuit, which of course segues back into the pig murder saga. Joel interrupts this by killing the horse that has been down in this hole for ages, much to Xisuma’s chagrin. Joel claims it was unavoidable because he got stuck in the water, but Joel’s penchant for horse-murder is well known. Doc tries to use this as proof to Cleo that killing nameless animals in people’s bases is totally normal for this server and they can’t be mad about it, Cleo tells him to come back and say it to their face, see how it goes. Doc decides not to press his luck and demurs, saying Judge Bdubs will decide. Joe has been preparing his arguments and is ready for court! Doc smugly tells Cleo that he’s lawyered up, what do they think about that? Cleo thinks that Doc’s lawyer is very punchable.

23:40 This seems like a good time to move on with the tour. Ren seems like the next closest for a base tour. Ren insists upon full immersion and makes everyone land at X’s base so they can go in through the back door. Cleo says “I don’t want-” and makes some kind of horrible strangled laughing noise even as Bdubs hisses “stop it!” at them. Gem insists that Cleo keep it together, and if they have to say it, they had doggone well better mute first. The whole group is clearly thinking the exact same joke, but nobody else was brave enough to voice it. Ren sighs. Cleo insists that anybody else in the group is allowed to sigh, but not Ren, presumably because this is all his fault and also usually he’d be the first one making the double entendre joke.

24:45 Ren leads the way into the immersive experience of his research base, which is best experienced on foot and with gas masks on, on account of the many extremely toxic gases in the air. Most of the Hermits ignore this warning but Xisuma, the only Hermit who literally has a space helmet as part of his skin, puts on a wolf mask for safety. Ren escorts everyone through the bioscanner that is supposed to detect hostile aliens. Doc plays at not being able to get through the scanner. Cleo suggests killing him and Gem helpfully throws a few punches in his direction. Doc notices Ren’s beard, which he grew during many sleepless nights of researching. Gem admires the many pickles being used in the terraforming, but Cleo points out that Ren will definitely have some kind of alien, non-pickle name to call them by.

25:40 Ren explains that the lore of his base is that it is a pop-up prefab dome placed on many planets and powered by liquid sulfur that is produced by the weird toxic plants that grow up around it. He leads them into the decontamination chamber and shows off the HC10 Lore Capsule, which is full of artifacts from the first stream weekend of the season. He describes his build palette and everyone is actually quiet long enough to listen, up until Gem notices her own heads mounted on the wall of the chamber. Ren is proud of his fighting prowess. Gem admits he is surprisingly good with a trident.

27:50 Ren leads the way to the hangar bay, which doubles as his storage room. Gem is surprised to notice how empty it is, and Ren admits he hasn’t got much stuff in it yet. She is disappointed and says she thought he was so organized. Bdubs points out that it’s easy to organize nothing. Ren shows off the nicely decorated command center and gets a little heckling for his stuffed mailbox. Joel would hate to see what Ren’s email inbox looks like, Ren doesn’t want to talk about it. Everyone admires the computer screens False worked out for Ren’s walls, made of rotated banners on armor stands. Ren apologizes that there is no way out of the hangar bay without flying, so Gem helpfully leaves a scaffold ladder on her way out.

29:50 Ren shows off the microbiomes within his big custom biome, including the fungus-treed Mytreelium Biome. He shows off the “liquid sulfur” lake made of honey blocks. Joel approves heartily and begs people to buy more honey. Gem gamely points out that she can see dirt beneath the honey blocks and it ruins the effect. A deeper lake of honey, maybe even several layers, would surely help. Xisuma finds a little honey-lined cave and jumps in to investigate before realizing he can’t get out. He warns the others not to jump down there. Gem instantly attempts to punch Joel into the honey. Ren points out his mud farm and his stonemasons. The Hermits are very upset about the living conditions for the stonemasons, who do not have gas masks. Ren admits that the civilians here do not have a very long life expectancy. He points out the outer wall and explains that it exists to contain the infection of alien biome on the outside world. “Please come and visit The Infection!” Cleo quips.

32:30 Ren’s favorite part of his base is the exploration truck, which has featured in many of his livestreams already. The Hemits really like the truck. Gem and Joel immediately hop into the cockpit and pretend to drive it, complete with engine noises. When they try to rejoin the tour and see the lounge, Ren scolds them for not driving. Getting out of the truck is harder than getting it, and Joel and Gem both plaster themselves against the door thanks to Doc fiddling with the lever. Everybody likes Ren’s base.

35:00 False is suggested as the next base for touring. She starts her tour at the bridge, where her own severed head is welcoming people. Joel says it’s creepy, she points out that it’s fairly tame compared to what was in Ren’s base. Skizz joins the tour a bit late and tags along. Gem appreciates the decorative melons. False remembers to ask Joel to please not kill her rabbit. She shows off her armor stand work, which Joel interprets as “a child who is also a blast furnace” but is actually a small robot interacting with a potter. Doc makes a reference to the movie Ghost that is enough of a reach that even the Hermits old enough to remember Ghost (1990) don’t get it until he explains it. This is going to be a market area with more armor stand work on the way, according to False.

37:10 It turns out False’s base is much bigger on the inside than it appeared, with multiple layers full of storage and farms. Gem is impressed by the size of the place, though False points out that it’s less impressive after seeing Xisuma’s monstrosity. False’s base does have the advantage of looking less like an enormous hole in the ground, though. Her farms are nicely organized and separated by catwalks. The Hermits are impressed. Doc tries to beg a torchflower off False, but she is firm that he should buy them at the flower shop. Bdubs, obviously familiar with the medium, asks False if she regrets using so much copper in the build. She admits she has had to call Xisuma a few times in a panic because she doesn’t have enough copper blocks for her roof. Bdubs understands completely, but also agrees copper is worth it because it is so beautiful. Joel falls off a catwalk with a scream, Gem is immediately inspired to try and punch Doc in as well. Gem just does, like, so much punching when she is in a group.

39:00 Gem adjusts the volume on Skizz, who is nearly inaudible in the continuing vocal scrum. Xisuma realizes that Skizz is wearing the arrow-through-the-head hat and is amused and impressed. False leads the way to her next building, with Joel and Bdubs passing judgment on her excessive use of copper trapdoors (a judgment clearly motivated by envy). False admits to transitioning to jungle wood for part of the build to save on copper, but it’s still a lot of copper. Joel sounds like he’s about ready to cry, imagining all the copper blocks sacrificed to make what is admittedly a very large amount of copper trapdoors. Chat is worried because they can’t hear Skizz, but Skizz is not talking and there’s nothing Gem can do about that. ((Skizz addressed this in his own stream later, saying he was mostly quiet during the base tour because he likes watching other people interact. He does the same thing at parties.))

40:30 Gem loves all the nooks and crannies in False’s base. False intends to add more paths and bridges, and that she hopes people will be able to get lost in her base. Joel says a lot of bases are like that this season, especially Ren’s once he expands that honey river (hint, hint.) False tells him to wait til he sees the new river she is going to install there. Chat is still hung up on the fact that Skizz’s voice chat icon keeps lighting up when he is not talking, and they are not taking “noise gate issue” for an answer. Gem begins punching him to try and get a verbal reaction from him. He fast-crouches at her instead, which is unhelpful. She asks him flat-out if he is talking and he says no, he’s just listening. Chat is appeased, for now.

42:10 Cleo’s base is next on the tour. Before they go, Xisuma asks Joe if today’s date for the tour is significant in any way, like the server being however many months old or something. Joe says no, it’s just a summer kickoff base tour to see progress. Watchers who have been busy with school exams or joining up for summer can see what’s going on. Cleo once again starts their tour on a bridge, but unlike Ren’s toxic air or False’s severed head, this one’s got a gun! The hermits want to know why Cleo’s got a gun, but Cleo says it’s very important to be prepared. The Hermits declare Cleo to be a doomsday prepper. Cleo leads the way down into their mine, a place Doc obviously associates with unpleasant memories. ((Doc and Cleo are embroiled in a court case over an incident where Doc killed Cleo’s special pig down in this mine.))

44:00 Xisuma asks if they’ve gone past the part where the big hole was. The group arrives at the big hole. Gem immediately punches Cleo into the big hole. Why is Gem like this? No one knows. Joel asks Cleo why she has a big hole. Cleo begins “Well, Joel…” and is immediately shouted down by the other Hermits. Why are any of them like this? No one knows. Cleo says there will eventually be a monster down at the bottom of the hole, when Sodium pulls itself together and fixes its glass lighting bugs. The monster will have huge glowing eyes. Joel asks why the guns on the bridge are pointed at Iskall, rather than down this hole. “Wouldn’t you point a gun at Iskall?” Cleo asks reasonably. Gem agrees that Iskall does seem more dangerous. The others agree. Joel is new, he will learn. Xisuma asks Cleo if they didn’t build a huge monster at the bottom of a hole back in Season II. Cleo’s answer amounts to “what are you, a cop?” but basically there is no connection. Bdubs theorizes that it speaks to something psychological. Cleo admits that big holes are their brand and have been for the past thirteen years.

45:15 Cleo gives everyone permission to leave their hole. Joe is still flying with explosive rockets, which seems painful. Joel sets Gem on fire again but does put her out with a bucket of water. Cleo advises anyone staying behind to watch out for wardens. Ren likes the mineshaft. Joel compliments the length of the shaft, then takes refuge in context. Chat is not fooled, but they are amused. Cleo leads the way into the Engineer’s House which is the heart of their base at the moment. Gem loves Cleo’s corkboard-backed workbench a lot. Bdubs wants to see it real bad, but he is still stuck in the mine. Skizz wanders off into a protected area and is hauled back, but he’s not streaming so no one sees anything.

46:50 Joel notices Cleo’s shop trophies and is impressed and appalled that anyone has made 750 diamonds from their shops. Cleo tell him she has made 2272 diamonds from her shops. Cleo has the S-Tier Books permit and the surprise hit Hay Bales permit and has been doing extremely well for herself. Joel remarks that this is 27 times the amount he has made from his shops. False asks if this means they are getting paid to go on this tour. Cleo asks if she wants some pity diamonds because she will give her pity diamonds. False will always accept pity diamonds. Cleo shows off the storage area. Ren spends a lot of time in here, both because he likes the way running on copper grate floor sounds and also just to steal stuff. Cleo’s armor stand work and decoration in the engineer’s house is on-point, as always. The other Hermits are visibly and audibly mining the house for ideas.

49:00 Bdubs wants to ask a question. He wants to know if Cleo does kitbashing stuff at home. Cleo does not know what kitbashing is, but agrees that it sounds right once it is explained. They lead the way to the wizard’s tower, where a demon may or may not be being summoned. Being Hermits, Gem and the others are unable to resist the lure of trapdoor floors and get stuck in the crawlspace for a moment, but are quickly distracted by the very unearthly-looking creature Cleo has put together in the demon-summoning circle. It is mostly made of skulk, with large flint-and-steel claws, and has a skulk sensor for a mouth. The skulk sensor’s fronds are still gently waving, which makes everything ten times more disturbing. The Hermits are full of delighted disgust for the creature and admiration for the twisted workings of Cleo’s mind. False is not visiting Cleo anymore. Someone asks what its name is, and a brief workshopping session yields “FredJeff.” Gem’s more reasonable suggestion of Jeffred is ignored. Everyone also likes the eyes and parts in jars on Cleo’s shelves. It’s really a very disturbing room. Skizz asks why the compass on the wall is going nuts (It is a recovery compass, labeled a “Magus Reality Compass”) and Cleo tells him it is a reality compass and reality is very thin here. Everyone mocks Skizz for not knowing what a magus reality compass is.

52:50 Gem sees people going onto the balcony and immediately punches Joel off it. They fight briefly and are distracted by the cake-juggling robot on Cleo’s roof. Joe injures himself with another explosive rocket. Gem runs back and forth along the rooflines until finally she sees someone standing close to an edge. She punches False off the roof and is momentarily satisfied. Ren is disturbed by a terrible noise, it is Joe drinking honey because flying with exploding rockets and recovering by drinking honey is all part of the Joe Hills Difference. Joe does specify that he bought the honey from Keralis, probably just to rub it in for Honey-Block Joel.

54:40 Skizz’s base is the next spot on the tour, so the group heads off to his ominous partial-pyramid and mouth-shaped base. Someone notes that it’s Pearl’s birthday. Ren asks if it wasn’t Pearl’s birthday yesterday? Gem explains that both things are true because Time Zones. The group agrees that if Pearl joins the group, they must sing to her. Joe immediately invites her to join the voice group. Pearl messages back that her inventory was a mess, but she is heading over. Skizz lands the grounp in his front yard and explains, somewhat wearily, that it has become a whole thing for him that he saves any gift he is given, including bizarre lawn art. He also has a wall of presents in item frames inside his base. Impulse gave him poop to put on the wall. Chat jokes that Gem is trying not to fangirl over the Eefo (Skizz’s guess-the-build Etho) statue on the lawn.

55:45 Most of Skizz’s efforts so far have been on the pyramid, trying to make a near-impossible maze to challenge their ability to survive. He invites anybody who wants to to strip naked and try to survive. Joel is interested, but intimdated. Skizz says he’s very forward on his dates. Chat has seen Pearl join the voice chat and is very excited to wish her happy birthday again. The other Hermits encourage Joel to strip down and get on with it. Joel asks if he’s going to die, Skizz tells him “Most definitely.” That’s okay, Cleo brought a bed along.

56:30 The next section of the tour is a radio play, with Gem wandering through the exterior of the maze and listening as Joel and Ren try to navigate the dangerous maze. Ren dies almost immediately. Joel lasts a bit longer, but they both die to the magma blocks. False didn’t enter the maze but still somehow falls in a hole and gets stuck. With both contestants dead, Skizz explains a little bit of the maze, how this layer is just about physical survival and getting to the next level. Gem finds Pearl and, of course, punches her. Everyone wishes Pearl Happy Birthday. There is a truly horrifying rendition of the birthday song from all the assembled Hermits as Pearl dodges more punches and probably reevaluates some life choices. Chat is amused and horrified all at once. Pearl gamely declares it beautiful.

59:50 Because it is her birthday, Pearl decides that the next activity is hitting the fish block. The other hermits join in except for Gem, who prefers to punch Pearl some more. Joel punches Gem and tells her that it’s Pearl’s birthday, let her slap the salmon. Gem thinks it sounds weird when you say it like that. Bdubs tells Skizz he should call the pyramid Decked Out 3. Everyone laughs as Skizz vehemently says he would never do that. He asks Pearl if everyone has seen Wordle. Joe points out that Pearl might well be the next stop on the server tour! Pearl demurs, saying she’s just waking up, and Bdubs tells her it’s her birthday so she doesn’t have to do a tour if she doesn’t want to. Gem sneaks away from the group and posts a sign saying “dECKED OUT 3” over the door to the pyramid.

1:00:40 Cleo points out that what Pearl seems to want to do is jump into fire and berry bushes, based on her current behavior. If no Pearl tour that means Gem is next, being Skizz’s next-door neighbor and all. ((It is not entirely clear whether Skizz started talking Wordle to avoid having to show off his massive and embarrassing chest monster next, but nonetheless it worked really well.)) Gem is glad to do her base tour before Joel’s. Joel asks why but she doesn’t want to have to pay him a compliment out loud so just says her base isn’t quite finished. She leads the group into the Collector’s House and talks about how her base is inspired by the video game Dredge.

1:01:20 Gem shows off her fighting arena, but admits she hasn’t fought anyone in awhile. Joel asks if she wants to fight and she says no. This is clearly a lie since at one hour into this stream her Hermits Punched count stands at 13, mostly Joel. “She’s hungry,” Pearl observes. “Back out,” Bdubs advises. The other Hermits back up rapidly into the viewing area, leaving Gem alone in the middle of the arena, laughing. False notices that Ren has not left the sands and is in fact standing there with no armor. “Ren’s volunteered!” she observes. Ren agrees, saying that he will fight Gem, but the weapon of choice will be fish. Gem is unsure about all this, but agrees to fight so long as Ren gets her a fish too. He dives into the water, presumably to collect some fish. Gem sets her spawn.

1:02:00 Ren comes back with fish and sets his spawn as well. Skizz asks if this is going to be a thirty minute battle, then? Joel insists Gem remove her armor. Armed with raw salmon, Gem and Ren engage in a fish-slap battle to the death, witnessed by a third of the server. Gem starts very strong but her usual tactics don’t work too well in a fight without critical hits or weapon damage and Ren defeats her after a protracted battle. It’s an upset, Chat and the watching Hermits are all stunned. Ren admits that the whole thing was a Mission Possible quest. He needed to fish slap someone to death. Ren offers to let Gem kill him and she does not hesitate to do so, plunking his head-trophy down onto the sand.

1:03:40 Gem decides it is time to move on with the tour. Chat is teasing her about being as washed up as Etho, but they are also pleased to have acquired a rare Gigacorp Ren head for the collection. She shows off the anglerfish-shaped fish market and the horsin’ tunnel. False and Cleo have a low-voiced conversation in the background over whether a fixture in the shop is a toilet or just a box. Gem admits she doesn’t have many of the spooky organic elements added to her build yet, those will come later, but Chat wants her to show off her pineapple farm. She leads the way to her decorative patch of “pineapples” that are all Tango heads with armor-stand ferns on them. The Hermits are impressed and creeped out. Bdubs admits he didn’t know pineapples grew out of the ground. Gem shows the group down to her storage room, then shows off her power lines. Pearl plays the “That’s amazing!” horn. Gem demands she put it away, Pearl absolutely refuses.

1:06:00 Gem shows off her new mangrove trees, along the path that will one day lead towards Etho’s base. She explains the strange red rune that will one day play a creepy heartbeat when approached (and explains that this is also not Decked Out 3), and then it is time to go see Joel’s base. Joel’s base is extremely impressive from the sky and the Hermits are exclaiming over it before they even land. Skizz mutters that it feels just great living right next to him. Joel has somehow never noticed the sign left over from the Permit Trials on the chest of his Joel statue, but he sees it now.

1:07:00 Joel stands under his front gate and welcomes everyone to his Japanese cyberpunk-inspired base. He’s terraformed “a bit” of the mountain to make it look better. The first thing everyone needs to see is definitely his little shrine to the Ocean Goddess and her consort, which is of course a statue of Ocean Queen Lizzie and King Joel of Mezalea from Season One of the Empires SMP. Joel’s internet is terrible but his armor stand work is excellent and the statue is quite impressive. Cleo tells him the statue is very cute, and he agrees and says it is because he is adorable. He leads the way up into the city, where a beautiful facade conceals a very utilitarian villager breeder. Gem begins flipping trapdoors. Joel’s city aesthetic is cute little buildings separated by very narrow alleys, so the place is soon full of disoriented Hermits wandering around and trying to find the group. Joel shows off highlights like his mailbox and a fishtank that doesn’t have any fish in it yet. In a little restaurant off the beaten path, Bdubs finds a horse head and gets very upset about Joel’s continuing history of horse murder. Joel says it wasn’t him.

1:10:00 Xisuma asks how many rooms are in this build, Joel can’t even begin to guess. He says probably quite a lot, which seems accurate. Ren wonders, of all the blocks in Minecraft, how many of them have already been incorporated into this city. Joel says he’s trying to use as many as possible to add color and life to the city. He shows off his axolotl tank and the office where he grows his glowberries. He tells the group that, for the benefit of whoever bought out all his glowberry stock, there is more available now. Skizz cheerfully admits he did it for a Mission Possible. Joel thinks that’s a great mission and tells him he should do it again. He has a squid tank and a cactus farm and a tiny little storage room that he is already outgrowing. Pearl doesn’t understand how he can stay organized in such a small storage room. Gem theorizes that he uses every block he acquires so he doesn’t have to store it. Joel admits that there are blocks stored everywhere in random decorative barrels, completely disorganized. Pearl groans in disappointment. Ren and Skizz have found the jacuzzi bath and jumped in for a soak, which is entirely against base tour etiquette. Joel tells them that the water in that tub hasn’t been changed since episode 3, so maybe they shouldn’t be bathing in it at this point.

1:12:00 Ren tries to eat a carrot and accidentally steals a plant from a pot. False yells at him about it. Gem flips a bunch more trapdoors, apparently because she likes the noise. Someone pushes a button and activates the doorbell that Cub made for Joel. Joel shows the way to his honey farm, musing aloud about how awesome honey is and how great it would be if the Hermits decided to buy a lot of it. Ren asks how Joel manages inventory without losing his mind, given his massive build palette. Joel cheerfully admits he loses his mind. Gem confirms this by finding the walls covered in signs reading “BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ.” Bdubs says it’s like A Beautiful Mind. Joel hates the bees, they are annoying, they produce honey and it doesn’t sell. More Hermits should buy honey. “Good job making a sucky product!” Bdubs tells him (or possibly the bees, it’s hard to say.) Chat points out that Xisuma has taken off the wolf mask and is now wearing Gem’s head.

1:13:30 Joel shows off a few more buildings, all of them empty, and admits that’s basically it. He is roundly mocked for that phrasing after showing off his massive and intricate build. He remembers one more thing he wants to show off and leads everyone to the bar. Bdubs asks if there are more horse heads down there and Joel says definitely not. The Hermits are very impressed by the bar, which includes lava walls covered by trapdoors that create glowing designs. Bdubs finds a horse head and starts yelling again. Joel says that’s not his. Pearl points out that Bdubs has murdered plenty of horses this season and Bdubs claims he would never murder a horse. Pearl demands to see his statistics. He says his are broken. Everyone agrees that the build is amazing. Pearl is glad Joel used purpur. Bdubs and Ren ask about the beacon beam, which is candy striped; Joel came up with the idea himself and it is made of stained glass.

1:16:10 It’s Pearl’s time to shine! Joel wants to get a look at Wordle. Pearl points out it’s not at her base, but they can visit it after. She leads the way to her base and starts everyone at her little truck, explaining the lore of her solarpunk base for the season. This truck in particular crafts a button every day and every night, letting her know how long her chunks have been loaded. Etho signs on. Chat is _very_ excited. Pearl leads the way over to her enchanting area while Gem hisses to Chat to stop being such fangirls. Chat will never stop. Pearl shows off the maps on the walls, Ren points out that the maps are not accurate to current time. Pearl explains that they are to show off the history of the neighborhood as it gets built up, and the other Hermits roundly heckle him for not getting that. Bdubs tells him to “Go back to your sulfur mines, you freak,” then apologizes for going too far. Pearl is stunned that everyone used her doors correctly for the first time. Abashed, Gem goes back and flips all the trapdoors.

1:18:30 Pearl shows off her farming, complete with solar-powered irrigation system. Nighttime is coming, so Bdubs deploys his bed, only to have Pearl mine it out from under him. He graciously forgives her because it’s her birthday, but someone else picked up his bed and he needs it back. Ren deploys the bed and sleeps on it, stealing the night while Bdubs sputters. Pearl next takes the group to her starter base and its horrifying doorbell. Pearl has been doing some armor stand work in here and is happy to show off to Cleo, who declares it adorable and cute. Pearl leads the way down to her storage room and its pillager-head-on-a-noteblock that quickly overwhelms everyone’s audio. Etho has joined up with the tour now and Chat is begging Gem to punch him. They believe he came late to avoid obsession allegations at Gem and Joel’s bases.

1:20:30 Cleo tells Pearl she’s going to steal the idea of leather helmets for stools because it is so good. Pearl shows the group her bedroom and Gem attacks the many available trapdoors. Bdubs likes the scale Pearl is using, with three block ceilings that make a more naturalistic environment for people used to nine foot ceilings IRL. Cleo agrees they would like it if there were less of them in there, because having so many Hermits in one bedroom is definitely turning the vibe from coziness to claustrophobia. Pearl shows off her stables and mailbox and some more farming stuff, Gem flips more trapdoors. Pearl acknowledges that she sees what Gem is doing. Pearl is building a solarium for her sniffers and allay, then takes everyone to the purpur farm. It’s very cool-looking and everyone is impressed. Pearl insists on stopping in the middle of the tour so she can collect up the arrows and replant the farm. Bdubs says that is very rude and Joe scolds him for it because it is Pearl’s birthday. Bdubs reluctantly agrees.

1:24:50 Pearl shows the furnace array/bamboo farm Tango helped her build. She points out that her farm makes bamboo planks to put in the furnaces, so she still buys her bamboo from Bdubs. Bdubs is quite pleased about this, but Etho scoffs and says that’s much too expensive, she might as well be burning her diamonds. Pearl also shows off her casual-flex chandeliers, which are made of beacons she bought at Ren’s shop. Etho asks if there is a discount for beacons bought solely for lighting, Ren says there is not. Doc, who has so many diamonds this season that he is using them for redstone building blocks, mocks Etho for being a cheapskate. Gem asks Pearl to show off the pickles in the trees and advertise her shops too. Pearl is pleased to show off her pickle-festooned trees. She has six or seven stacks of pickles spread through her trees for lighting purposes. Joe asks what the white rocket-shaped things are, Pearl explains they are wind generators for a solarpunk world. She also has a copper and cherry watermill generating more imaginary power. Bdubs mentions how much he likes the “apple trees”, custom trees built with berry bushes in them to simulate fruit trees. Joel mentions there are a ton of beacons in this base, and Ren must be really rich. Cleo laughs and suggests maybe Ren should buy honey. Joe says he also buys a ton of beacons, so Ren must be doing really well. Ren thanks him for his patronage but is noncommittal about buying honey.

1:29:30 The Hermits debate who to visit next. Etho is the closest, Gem celebrates this fact by punching him. Etho suggests Tango, but Tango is not participating in the server tour. Etho protests that he shouldn’t be asked to follow Pearl’s beautiful base. Nevertheless, he is next (Wordle has apparently been forgotten for the moment) and he insists everyone must walk up the path to his base instead of flying. He needs to stretch this out as much as he can because there’s not that much to look at. In that spirit, he narrates the whole walk along the path, including the broken guardian farm, the sheep farm, the trident farm, and a nice view of Pearl’s base. He asks Gem to demonstrate the trident farm. She does so, impressing the assembled Hermits who have no idea how Etho isolated trident drowned. Joel nearly dies to the farm while Gem harvests two tridents in less than a minute. Etho offers to show everyone how it actually works, but that’s a lot of hermits to stuff into the redstone of a farm. They move on instead.

1:31:50 Etho leads the way to the main house as Gem cheerfully asks him if he’s put the roof on yet. Cleo can see the sky through the windows, so probably not. Etho admits that the roof is not quite exactly finished yet. He disappears into the house, leaving the Hermits outside. Doc asks if he’s quickly building a roof before he lets everyone in. Cleo and Gem both admire the exterior decorations, full of pink glazed terracotta and potted plants. Gem tells him he’s so cottagecore and it’s really nice. Etho lets them into the house, still roofless. Cleo asks what all the books on the chiseled bookshelves are. He explains that he keeps every book he gets and puts them on the bookshelves. Gem flips a lot of trapdoors and finds a fox named Sly in the back garden. Etho shows off his high-tech storage system, which is wired to show more or fewer bookshelves based on what enchanting level is wanted. Pearl correctly susses out how the redstone is done and is congratulated by Cleo for being officially a redstoner.

1:33:53 Etho leads the way down into his storage system, which is accessed by a drop chute elevator built into the grassy ground. Bdubs says that Joel will be very pleased by the décor, which is chock full of honey blocks, but Joel bitterly complains that Etho didn’t actually buy any from his store. Etho protests that Joel _gave_ him those honey blocks, sent them to him in the mail and everything. Joel reluctantly admits he did do that, yes. It’s more than he sent, though. Etho quietly admits that he does have a honey farm. Pearl comments that Etho’s ceiling has a lot of items in it and he says yes, it’s part of his storage system. He pauses for a moment, obviously trying to decide if there is any way to explain even the basics of his complex but understated storage system to the assembled group, then tell them that it’s too much to explain right now. “Too complicated for us simple-minded people,” Joel translates. “Too complicated for a tour,” Etho offers diplomatically. He shows his dispensing stations for common items like rockets, then leads the way down a plain stone tunnel to his moss farm. The drop is a little more extreme than advertised and Ren dies from the fall. Fs in the chat for Ren. Ren asks “Why me” and is reminded that he’s not wearing armor and thus lacking useful thinks like feather falling.

1:35:40 Etho’s moss farm is a big operation. Bdubs insists they should all go down into the farm, it’s cool down in there. Bdubs is clearly missing his moss shop this season. Gem gets a quick look at the farm before going back to the viewing platform to help Joel collect Ren’s bits and pieces. Pearl complains that huge farms like this are the reason she is not selling any bone blocks or bonemeal this season. Etho asks Gem if she wants to see how fast he can get moss with this farm. She says no because it’ll just make her mad. Joe eagerly chimes in that he wants to see Gem get mad. Etho shows Gem where to stand to catch moss from the farm and pulls the lever to convert away from bonemeal collection. In less than a minute, Gem’s inventory has more than ten stacks of moss in it. She mutters “Oh my god” a bunch of times in despairing disbelief. Cleo tells her it’s okay to cry. Gem’s pockets overflow and she starts yelling at Etho to turn it off. She has two moss farms and neither of them work anything like this. Etho generously asks if anyone else needs moss, Gem yells that nobody needs his moss! Chat is fangirling hard again, as per usual. Several Hermits ignore Gem’s warning and go for the moss; she sets them on fire with her sword. Joe dies of it, though it is not clear whether he was actually trying to get moss or just an unfortunate bystander to a sweeping edge sword.

1:38:00 Joe respawns, apologizing for the mess and explaining that somebody stabbed him to death. Gem defends herself saying she said she would get mad. Joe sighs and agrees that was probably on him, Cleo protests that moss-collecting is not an appropriate motive for murder. Gem is glad that Joe is taking responsibility for his actions. Joe points out that he is the one who said he wanted to see Gem get mad. He got to see with more than his eyes, he saw with his own burning flesh and that’s on him. Chat feels sorry for Joe. Ren is trying to collect his lost bits and pieces, he collects a sword called “Friendship Blade” that is not his. Joe confirms that is his sword, a gift from Cleo. Cleo remembers giving Joe that blade because he was fighting monsters with an iron sword inappropriately late into the season, she is surprised he still carries it. Bdubs, Joe and Doc remain in the list of bases to tour. Joe arrives and collects his own scattered items.

1:40:00 Leaving the moss farm is almost as dangerous as entering it, since the only way in is “Rocket onto a ladder.” The Hermits manage the feat one by one and land on the grass outside. Gem asks Etho to work on that. Cleo asks what is wrong with him. Etho smugly claims that the best thing about his base is that it teaches one how to play Minecraft. Cleo insists that she doesn’t need to learn Minecraft, she does it professionally already. Etho suggests that if someone is unable to get up the ladder, it may be a skill issue. Cleo wants Etho to know that she hates him. Chat loves sassy Etho. The group heads for Bdubs’ base, aiming to land in front of the forest. While they go, they complain about the price of ender chests and everything in the shopping district. Everything is so expensive this season. Gem insists that pickles are cheap. It is unclear why Gem is shilling pickles so hard when she hates Pearl buying them so much. Joe still can’t find his pants. Gem approaches Bdubs’ forest and exclaims over how beautiful it is. She is not wrong.

1:41:40 The group lands in front of the bridge onto Bdubs’ base. Ren asks if they need to change render distances or other visual effects since Bdubs’ base, more than any other Hermit’s, is designed as a visual spectacle. Bdubs recommends setting render distance to 28, so it’s a good thing there are some powerful computers at work here. Brightness also needs to be down to get the real atmosphere. Bdubs leads the way into the forest as he explains he’s trying to focus on terraforming and atmosphere rather than only on buildings this season. Gem coos over a rustic picnic table made of trapdoors. Pearl plays the “That’s amazing!” horn. Gem punches her several times. Xisuma laughs over the fact that Bdubs’ trees are massive, bespoke pieces of art and the Hermits are still drawn to the picnic table first. Gem is so impressed by the picnic table that she doesn’t even flip the trapdoors.

1:43:00 The tour continues into an open space that Bdubs plans to fill with additional forest eventually. Gem tells Bdubs it’s very cottagecore, Bdubs decides he will allow it. He was fighting it at first, but finally he’s accepted it. Joe points out that the actual cottage he built pretty much sealed the deal. He takes the Hermits to his initial starter base, which he only uses for cooking anymore. Cleo finds a memorial marked February 16 and asks what that’s about; it is the date of Bdubs’ Demise death. He says “they” exploded him, Ren corrects him saying “technically you exploded you.” Bdubs has to admit that this is true. He shows the group the silos with his moss farm and bamboo farms. Doc asks if there’s a reason that Bdubs has the most uncomfortable pathways known to Minecraft. (Bdubs’ current paths are rudimentary at best, scattered path blocks and no slabs to soften height changes.) Cleo says it’s obviously for the aesthetics, Bdubs agrees it’s all form, no function. Everyone takes a quick look at the redstone farm inside the silo and then goes back outside to debate the aesthetics involved in putting wood blocks or dirt blocks under wooden path slabs. Gem says she gets yelled at for her slabs all the time, both in the comments and from her own mod team. The mods give themselves mod hearts in the chat.

1:45:40 Bdubs takes everyone into the silo and shows off his bamboo-item-creating machine. It is a structure made entirely of Bdubs’ Perfect Redstone, so while it does work as intended, it has no labels and is somewhat difficult to understand. The cottagecore cottage is actually Bdubs’ mailbox, and Gem declares it gorgeous. The terracotta production area is up next, immediately drawing a “Booooooo” from False and heckling from the others. ((Bdubs holds the plain terracotta permit and is part of the Short-T Alliance, working with Scar and his six terracotta permits to undermine and counter the activities of “Big T,” the Hermit consortium who control the other nine terracotta permits. False, Ren, Cleo and Xisuma are all members of Big T.)) Bdubs tells them to shut up and shows off his organic terracotta production facility where he turns dirt into mud and then dries it on dripstone into clay, then smelts it into terracotta. Even his enemies are impressed by the sheer amount of effort Bdubs is putting int when he could just be digging up terracotta. He explains that his autosmelter is powered by half-slabs generated by his bamboo farm. It’s very inefficient and he does not recommend it. The same could undoubtedly be said of the whole operation, but everyone is too polite to mention that.

1:48:50 Bdubs decides that’s everything he has available to show right now. Cleo loves how everyone is ending their tour with “And that’s just it, I guess!” Xisuma is impressed about the difference in tone and texture keeping brightness at 30 causes. He feels like he’s been missing out and wants to look at other builds in the dimness now. Etho says his build is five times bigger when viewed at brightness 30. Gem asks if it gets a roof as well. He says yes. Chat is going nuts because Bdubs didn’t show everyone his waterfall. Xisuma asks if keeping brightness at 30 makes caving difficult. Bdubs says no, because he doesn’t do that sort of scary thing. Gem gives in to the overwhelming will of Chat and asks Bdubs “Where’s your waterfall?” Bdubs leads the group back to the bridge while explaining about the glass waterfall he built while testing whether it was possible to simulate water textures without water. This waterfall is not meant to be viewed close up and should be looked at from the bridge. Doc, who is already standing on the bridge, claims to be the only Hermit who watches other peoples’ videos. The waterfall really is very striking when viewed from the bridge. The Hermits are very impressed. Chat is pleased. Etho hypes Bdubs up a bit by pointing out that the grass in the forest is not bonemealed, it was harvested and hand-placed by Bdubs while he was building. Cleo says yeah, but that’s because Bdubs is a nerd. Bdubs makes fun of the way Cleo pronounces “nerd” but does not deny it.

1:51:00 Now that Chat has seen the waterfall, the group is free to fly up and over the forest towards Joe’s base. Joe is easy to follow because he is still flying with exploding fireworks and has a big green eruption behind him every few seconds. He does have his blast protection pants back (Cleo had them) so he can survive the flight. They pass Mumbo’s witch farm on the right (or starboard, Joe adds, for people like Gem and Joel who prefer flying spacecraft) and begin to approach the base. It’s spawning in slowly for Gem, but it is clearly massive. Joe explains that what he is building is a 1:1 scale recreation of the Bell Laboratories Research and Development campus in Holmdell, New Jersey. As Joe explains some of the technical specifications of his very specific building plans, Gem and the other Hermits fly around and take in the enormous scope of the area Joe has dug out and is terraforming. Gem apologizes to chat for the Bobby Mod taking its sweet time; she has not been out to Joe’s base in quite awhile and it is very different now. Joe has a lot of beacons up (he tells Ren he’s welcome for the business) and has mined up over a million stone blocks to turn what was once a mountain range into a canvas for development. He has been learning a lot about geometry and also a lot about reading out loud, since he’s been reading Moby Dick on stream for the benefit of his chat while mining on stream most nights. Gem’s chat is impressed by the massive scope of the project unfolding. Joe explains that he doesn’t have any proper buildings yet, and for the moment his storage system consists of themed groupings of chests set up around each beacon. It is easy to find each beacon when he needs something, so long as he can remember what stuff is stored where. Gem lands for a moment and gets punched by Pearl. She punches Pearl back and they both start flying again.

1:52:50 Joe explains that his build is not nearly as detailed as many of the other Hermits’ builds, but it is very large and he hopes it will be useful as a canvas for other Hermits as well as himself. He’s noticed in previous seasons that as the season goes on and Hermits get locked into their base projects, there is less room for creative projects that do not fit within the scope of whatever they have decided to build. The Holmdell campus has plenty of room for Hermit projects of all different types and sizes. Cub has already marked out a place for a labyrinth that he’ll be starting work on soon. Joe also wants to hold workshops where Hermits can teach one another specific skills like creating vehicles or building facade techniques. He suggests that maybe Cleo will teach armor stand classes because she keeps saying she wants people not to have her build every armor stand on the server. Cleo points out that a lot of Hermits are already doing much better on that front this season. Joe agrees with that and says he is hoping his base area will be a community center in the mid to late season. Chat is very on board with Joe’s ideas and wants to subscribe to his newsletter.

1:55:20 By the end of Joe’s speech, most of the Hermits have settled onto various perches near one another, twenty or thirty blocks off the ground. Etho asks Joe if he regrets doing this project in a mountain biome, now that he’s dug it out. Joe says no, but only because he’s decided to not have regrets. Cleo cackles. Joe explains that this region was the closest area to spawn he could get at the size that he needed, and he will just continue doubling down on that decision until he has octupled down on it. Etho notices the froglights and says they look absolutely incredible. People should not be sleeping on froglights. (Etho, of course, holds the froglight permit.) Joel chimes in saying that all the water around here might turn into ice, but you know what doesn’t turn into ice? Honey. Joe agrees and says he surrounded the entire central lagoon with stairs so that it won’t freeze. Etho is impressed. Gem bets some pickles in there would help. Joe says he was kind of hoping a few Hermits might volunteer to do some terraforming around the lagoon, and that rather than being entirely an area for people to do solo projects, people might have fun working in groups or doing terraforming and landscape lessons. Etho listens patiently to all this and then asks “So you’re telling me that if I put a single block in this lagoon, the whole thing will turn to ice?”

1:57:00 Joe confirms that this is true, leading to laughter and calls for the pranking to begin. Joe goes on to point out that even removing or changing one of the source blocks in the lagoon could trigger an icecapade. Chat is terrified at all the potential here. “And you really don’t regret building here?” Gem asks again. Joe is cool with it. He’s living his best life out here, it’s just that his best life looks terrifying to a lot of people. Bdubs asked if Joe knew already that stairs would stop the freezing, or if he had to do the science on that. It seems like very obscure knowledge. Joe describes the rather arduous-sounding process of figuring out how to ice proof a lake, and is interrupted by Cleo asking if they put a block into the lake, how would the ice actually generate? Joe, in true best-life-Joe-Hills fashion, offers to show everyone how it looks. He and Etho both place blocks into the lagoon. Cleo is clearly very disappointed that the ice doesn’t appear and spread instantly, instead generating slowly from the place where the source blocks were disrupted. But eventually, if the blocks are left in place, the whole surface will freeze. Joe tells everyone that he hopes to have the campus open in a month or so, then admits he’s been saying that for the last couple of months. He justifies himself by pointing at a cluster of pumpkins floating high overhead and explaining those are where the surface of the mountain used to be. He’s had a lot to do.

1:59:40 Joe is finished with his tour, so he goes to pass the reins over to Doc. Bdubs interrupts by mentioning a visual glitch he is seeing where things far away are rendering strangely. Xisuma immediately wants to know more. Other Hermits report seeing the same thing, but Gem does not see it with her particular mod combination. As the sun sets, Joe invites the Hermits to take a look at the base from the sky, with the froglights illuminating all the roads. It’s a beautiful sight, looking a little bit like an airport at night and going a long way to highlight what an enormous project this is and just how much work Joe has been doing. Joe is also lucky that Etho has the froglight and stone permits, and has traded massive amounts of froglights for Joe’s massive amounts of stone.

2:02:00 The group head for Joe’s portal to make the long trek to Doc’s base. Joel mentions that the brightness of the froglights looks so much better at lower brightness and that he needs to start keeping his own brightness down. Bdubs agrees, but warns that his own brightness level is the result of years worth of acclimating his viewers to accept the dimness. Last season he was only at 50%, this season he has gone full mood lighting. Joel says he’s just going straight in, cold turkey. Gem points out that Joel does not have a history of being particularly nice to his chat, if one has watched his intros. It takes awhile to get everyone through the portal, due to too much pushing and shoving, but eventually they all make it through and follow Doc north through the nether. They arrive at Doc’s portal, which is surrounded by ominous-looking machines. “Why do I feel like you have a plan for vengeance right now?” Bdubs asks plaintively.

2:03:00 Doc insists her is not planning anything, this is just a bunch of random machines. Here is the honey farm, here is the cannon that shoots people to the world border, here is the warden transport system, etc. The other Hermits are giving the machines a very respectful distance. Doc’s portal is literally on fire so there is less pushy-shovey on this trip through. They emerge in the main area of Doc’s “home,” an open cobblestone platform high above a swamp biome. Xisuma warns everyone to watch their step. Gem immediately attempts to punch Joel off the platform. He punches her off the platform instead. She and the other Hermits begin flying around to investigate the area as Doc explains what is a massive cluster of superpowered farms and indecipherable redstone. He shows off his massive storage system, making Joe laugh at the idea that people need bulk piston storage for their five shulkers of pistons. Granted, given the farms around here, five shulkers of pistons seems like it might be an average afternoon out here in the swamp. Below the storage area is a supersmelter with 160 furnaces, and next to it is an autocrafter system designed to mimic a crafting table on an enormous scale and that will craft any item the user desires. The Hermits think this is very neat. Etho remembers that Doc did something similar to this in Sesaon 9, but Doc explains that having autocrafters in the game has made the whole business a whole lot easier.

2:05:30 Doc says that’s pretty much it as far as his base goes. It’s clear that his base is very large and incredibly complex, and that there’s enough to keep a tour busy for days, if only that tour group was made up entirely of high level redstoners who know better than to stick their fingers into every chest and punch one another into the complex machinery. Bdubs asks for a demonstration of Doc’s dark oak farm, which produces truly insane amounts of output when it’s up and running. Doc says sure and leads the way over to the massive redstone contraption that is his wood farm. Gem asks if there’s anything they shouldn’t touch. Cleo and False immediately and simultaneously say “everything.” Doc tells them to stand out of the way and don’t touch any levers, and that this machine will do 160k saplings per hour. He explains that there is a llama that is a critical part of the infrastructure that will allow him to place the saplings properly. Etho warns everyone not to place anything accidentally into the huge stacks of clay pots running along the sides of the farm. The Hermits are clearly intimidated but fascinated. Gem is happy to know that the farm is llama powered. Doc turns on the farm and TNT starts exploding. Dark oak is being created and pulverized at a phenomenal pace. Chat is awed.

2:08:00 Gem goes down to the staging area briefly, looks at the lever, then runs back to the safety of the upper platform. Doc is explaining that he hasn’t started any non-machine building yet, but that he does intend to eventually terraform this whole area, make a real exploding volcano, etc. There’s plenty of stuff to do, he just started with the machines. Etho asks how far Doc has gotten with actually doing the item filters in his storage room, the most tedious part of the process. Doc says he is about 80% through with it. It’s a multi-filter system, so while it will handle all the items in the game, some items will be filtered in groups and some with their own filters. And that is all there is, Doc tells them, they can all go home now. “Get out of here before you break something,” Gem translates easily. Everyone agrees that Doc’s redstone work is incredibly impressive. Chat doesn’t even understand what they’re seeing but they know it’s a lot. Ren says it’s like looking into the heart of a CPU. Made of diamond ore, Joel adds.

2:09:10 Doc shows them the way back to the portal and into the nether. Gem punches Joel in the back and then runs away when he chases her, insisting desperately “It was Cleo, it was Cleo, it was Cleo!” The Hermits do a short debriefing and decide when they should do another server tour. Joe thinks that 2-3 server tours per year would be good, let people see new stuff without the tour idea getting stale. While they talk, Gem runs around on the nether roof until Joel successfully potshots her for half her hearts. He gives her a distinctly “come at me” fast-crouch until she runs at him, then he punches her. They punch each other, then disengage as everyone heads back for the nether hub. As they fly they pass over Joe’s 1/8th scale map of his actual base, and even that is large enough that it took seventeen hours to place all the blocks on the nether roof. It’s a big base.

2:11:10 Gem and the others take the portal back to the shopping district. Joel suggests that this would be a perfect time for everyone to go buy some honey. Cleo asks how much honey he would need to sell in order to stop complaining about it. Joel says he wants to hit 100 diamonds in sales. The others are incredulous that he hasn’t even hit a hundred diamonds yet, which probably just makes it worse. Etho comments that’s a tall order for a smallish bean. “You just got called short by Etho,” Gem tells him. Doc says his armor trim shop should be open in the next week or so. Joel says everyone knows Etho is tiny. Joe remembers that Cleo promised everyone pity diamonds to buy honey with if they behaved themselves on the tour. Cleo confirms that pity diamonds are indeed on the table. “Sugar Daddy Cleo!” Gem cheers. She goes into the shop and finds the music button, then asks Joel if it works. He says it does but asks her to please not play it because it can’t be stopped. She protests that she hasn’t even heard it yet. She pushes the button and begins shrieking with laughter over the honey song. Chat is jamming along.

2:12:20 Cleo has 100 diamonds to pass out so that the Hermits can buy honey and make Joel stop whining. Gem gets enough to buy four stacks of honey that she will now need to figure out a use for. Doc asks if Joel is ever going to detail the back of this shop so it’s not just a brown cylinder on the side that faces the hourglass. Joel says he could, but he’s very poor and very busy just trying to make sales right now. Xisuma and False barely got any diamonds, Cleo does not know who took most of the diamonds and does not particularly care. Joe got 43 diamonds and passes a few out to the others. Bdubs suggests that some of these diamonds could also be used to purchase terracotta! Doc needs to get going, so they decide to head back to the new lava pool to end the tour.

2:14:00 The Hermits fly back to spawn, explaining the lava pool to Etho, who was not around for that part. He asks if they went ahead and moved the world spawn. Bdubs asks if anybody wants to sue anybody real quick while they’re all here. Ren asks about moving the world spawn and whether anyone would be cross if they moved it. Gem points out that this is a Hermitcraft Meeting topic and now they’re just streaming an actual meeting. A very confusing discussion ensues over where the spawn chunks actually are, where they will be after 1.21 drops, and whether they ought to be moved and why. Gem narrates for chat and says this is how an actual meeting always goes, with miscommunication being the first order of business. Apparently Xisuma believes the spawn chunks are not currently at 0,0, they are behind the courthouse where a bunch of farms are, but after 1.21 drops, they ought to be moved to an area just outside Ren’s base perimeter. Etho asks why, if spawn chunks are elsewhere, they always respawn by Hypno’s base when they die. Xisuma, obviously ready for an object lesson, tells him to take off his armor. Etho, resigned to being an object lesson, sets his spawn and breaks it, complaining all the while about how he’s going to have to hike back from Hypno’s house, which is about 40 blocks away.

2:16:00 While Etho is complaining and stripping down, Gem explains to Chat that this madness is how all of their meetings look and it’s a miracle they ever get anything done. Sometime during the process False gets bored of waiting and shoots Ren dead. As promised, Ren respawns next to the lava pool. Xisuma is obviously surprised by this. Bdubs is still calling for Etho’s head. Etho’s already naked and ready to go, so he suggests another test where they kill him in the hole. Chat is uncertain about this phrasing but False is more than happy to commit another murder act. Etho did not empty his inventory so his belongings fly everywhere, but Etho himself respawns next to the lava pool, same as Ren. Xisuma says he stands corrected, that the spawn chunks are indeed still at 0,0. Joel confirms that when one comes back through the nether portal for the first time or without a bed, they end up at the same place. The Hermits agree that this is why they never get anything done at meetings.

2:17:00 Xisuma circles back around to the original proposal: that when 1.20.6 comes out, to move the spawn chunks three chunks away from their current location to allow for development of the fairly prime real estate that the spawn chunks now occupy. Xisuma has a couple of proposals for locations but would like to hear from anyone else first. Nobody has any strong feelings and the general consensus is that Xisuma should put them where he wants. Pearl does suggest putting them near the post office, but it’s unclear if there’s any reason for that or if it’s the postal worker equivalent of “you should buy more honey.” Xisuma points out a small squarish island between his own base and Hypno’s and says that might be a decent space for the spawn chunks, or they could go the entire opposite direction and plunk it down in the middle of evveryone over in the direction of Magic Mountain. Space is very tight over that way though, so it might not be a net gain. Pearl reiterates the post office suggestion, in an empty area between the post office and Xisuma’s base. Everyone flies over for a look and Xisuma agrees it’s a great spot. Nobody else cares so long as the new spawn chunks contain a portal and an ender chest for all those wild nights when somebody inevitably winds up naked and wingless at spawn. Pearl offers to decorate it. Gem congratulates her for giving herself work on her birthday. Ren calls for a voice vote; the “yays” are unanimous and enthusiastic. Ren declares the order of business complete and Cleo adjourns the meeting. The Hermits’ grasp on Robert’s Rules of Order are about as complete as their grasp of jurisprudence, but the issue is solved and everyone is happy. Gem admits that they usually don’t even call for a voice vote and this was very official today. Chat is not sure that any Hermitcraft meeting is official without Impulse there to write things down, but mostly they are busy saying “yay.”

2:19:00 The normal procedure for reaching accord during meetings, Gem explains further, is that someone will ask a question, three people will say “yeah, I guess,” and everyone else has their mics muted because they are eating. Pearl is usually half asleep and trying her best, sometimes in bed and with the phone on speaker. The Hermits congratulate themselves on an excellent meeting and give themselves a round of applause. Chat has always wanted a streamed Hermitcraft meeting and now they have gotten one. Chat is pleased. Everyone wonders how they ever get anything done.

2:20:00 False suggests that they all go jump in on Impulse, since he’s online and not at the meeting. Impulse did not join the tour because he doesn’t want to spoil the huge minigame he’s currently working on. Xisuma moves the spawn chunks and tells Ren he’s free to use the old space now. Ren mutters darkly about how the sulfur will expand. Xisuma suggests a group photo. Etho is busy setting fires and Gem is punching Cleo, but everyone agrees a photo is a nice idea. They all gather together and gaze into the future, at the new spawn chunks. Joe demands to know how long he’s had a fish head on and why did nobody tell him. Cleo and Bdubs assure him he’s been wearing it the whole time. Screenshots are captured, Joel punches Gem again, and Bdubs laughs because his specially modded skin actually blinked during photo time. Everyone agrees that this was a good idea and they had fun on the tour. Now they are all going to go and look at their own bases at 30% brightness.

2:21:50 Gem says goodbye to everybody and heads back to her base, asking Chat how they liked that. Chat approves greatly, they had a great time. Gem will post the VOD soon. Gem’s base actually looks great at 30% brightness, this may be the vibe she goes for. It does make the palm trees a little dark. Gem promises she’s working on her next episode and that it will be full of new interiors. She’s going to bring lots of immersion into the base very soon. Everybody’s bases were so cool to see, and it was great to have a visit with so many Hermits! Gem has had a lot of IRL stuff, good and bad, going on lately, but she hopes things are evening out and she’ll be back to streaming soon. She thanks subs and donos as a group and decides to wrap things up. Chat really, really, really wants a Skizz raid. Gem raids into Skizz and ends her stream.

[the-tarot-witch22]

Your first night with your future spouse 18+ - Pick a pile

Note : *Intense se*ual messages for you guys, so Minors DNI*

Pile 1/ Pile 2/ Pile 3

Hello everyone ! This is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!

Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!

How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to! You can choose more than one pile, it just means both pile have messages for you!

Note : This reading is based on my intuition and channeled messages from tarot cards.

I worked really hard on this pile please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!

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Pile 1:

(The cards I got for you - Ace of wands, Queen of wands, 7 of cups, 5 of cups, 7 of pentacles and 8 of pentacles)

The first thing I hear and feel Emotional, Vulnerable and very Experimental, You both will experiment a lot on your first night. I also feel you are both versatile in your sex life and open with it. I also feel your first night with your future spouse is gonna be very memorable, like any other sex or intimate time with them can't top it, this experience of yours with them, it's gonna be quite passionate and wild as well. For some of you very possessive and rough too, like they will like marking their territory on you, you might both start with simple conversations and it will go from there, I feel your future spouse will be rough as well as caring with you, like being gentle and asking before they slid themselves into you, I feel they will be into sex toys or they would like to use expensive toys on you vibrators, dildo, they like to see you squirm, while they play with you, some of you might be into light foreplay or choking, there won't be much talking but lots of moans and grunts or light sounds from you or them, Before they enter inside you they will like to tease you a lot, like maybe until you just put it inside yourself, they will chuckle a lot, they might like to say "hungry for me, baby", "so ready for me already", little chats here are there but it will turn you on so much. They might be experienced and confident with their moves and thrusts, them touching your clit or fingering while they suck you is what i am also channeling, you both or one of you will be blindfolded too, while doing your reading i saw silk sheets, so it may be prominent, dim lights, you will be doing it all night like 3 rounds 4 rounds and even more, i don't see you getting tired, some of you guys can be virgin too, your sex will be very experimental using food, them using lots of toys on you, that much is very prominent. They might make you orgasm many times in a row, and after gathering more energy you will be going at it again. i also feel some of you like to wear uniforms or your partner. Earth and fire placements are very prominent for this pile.

Phew, give me a cold ice water to shower i need it after this reading.

Pile 2:

(The cards i got for you - The star, judgement, Knight of cups, queen of cups, queen of pentacles, 8 of cups and the hermit)

First thing I feel they like to watch you touch yourself or vice versa. Like they will see you all worked up your fingers moving inside you it will turn them on, They will praise you a lot, like "good girl", "just like that", "keep doing that", For some of you the sex will be very traditional like you might not be that open with it, so you will a bit shy with them while they touch you, i also feel some of you guys will be doing it standing or on different corners of the house, in front mirrors, not much experimental, but i feel some people with this pile like missionary a lot, your spouse will appreciate your body a lot, like they are awestruck by it, their simple touch could make you wet, the sex with you both will be very transformative or life changing like you never experienced it before, they might be your boyfriend already so they already know your turn on's, I feel they will be also very gentle with you and caring, vanilla sex, not very rough, but emotional caring and loving kind, it will feel a very cosmic union like your bodies made to fit together, i feel they will kiss you a lot while they thrust themselves into you, some of you will be overwhelmed with the pleasure and be crying in a pleasurable way of course, i feel they will wipe your tears and be very gentle like making sure you are okay with all of it, I also feel this pile also have some bi readers, like very feminine energy from this pile, or if not then i feel your spouse is in touch with their feminine side, oral sex is also here too they will lick the parts that will just make your eyes roll back like crazy, "don't stop" - you or them might be saying this a lot, they will kiss your neck a lot, or rubs your back while they slowly pull themselves into you, they like to make sure you are enjoying it as much as they are. "unorthodox sex" is also very prominent with this pile. I also feel very decorated bed with roses on them. Air signs and water sign, cancer placements is also prominent here.

awww, you two seem like soft couples, your first night is very sweet to be honest.

Pile 3:

(The cards I got for you - The devil, 8 of wands, queen of swords, knight of wands, ace of wands, ace of cups, two of cups, 4 of wands and the temperance)

Okay so the first thing i felt and heard very lustful and the type you were both waiting for it for this very day, the night with your future spouse will be very passionate, and intense, your spouse might like to talk between sex, using dirty language with you "i heard such a whore", "my slut", "you like that when i touch you like that. don't you?" for some of you might be waiting till marriage. You both will be like wild rough animal like just not caring for a little marks on your body, as i said very lustful and yet passionate and balanced, the chemistry between you both is undeniable like physical chemistry check, emotional chemistry that checks out too, i wont go in their personality but that message just kept coming up but okay!, you both will be very naughty on you first night, you and your spouse might be into bdsm, he is very seductive or would, will give you multiple orgasms, I also feel ice cubes will be used on your first night, i heard "you are mine and i hope you know that", they won't care if someone hears you outside your room, they will be very rough, i feel they wont be able to wait till you change your wedding clothes, like even a quickie before you finally give yourself to each other, for some of you already had sex with them before marriage, but mostly, it will be your first time with them, the night will be very long, i feel they will make the atmosphere around you like aromatic candles, lavender/jasmine? light scents, your future spouse would like to lick your clit a lot, they like giving you orgasms, you both try many new positions, doggy style or cowgirl reverse, its very funny how you both are so wild, lustful and yet passionate its like perfectly balanced, your first night will go on long, you might do it all night not sleeping at all, very intellectual and powerful wedding night, it will imprint on you, unforgettable, I also feel they are veryyy experienced just like pile 1, they know what they are doing, they won't tease you a lot because they are very much impatient just to take you, he will ask you to ride him a lot, you bouncing on him, he will give you hickey's like would be soo excited to show everyone you had a very great night, It wont be just sex, its a passionate union between the true divine lovers, i heard "Kamasutra sex" might be of importance, I also feel they will like to cum all over you, or on your tits, your bodies will just blend together perfectly, you both will cum together a lot, this pile might be virgin too, for some of you the sex is rough as well very peaceful, white color also have a importance in both of your lives or on your first night, as i said the chances are you both doing it for the first time the message was very strong, you both will rest very less but in the end you will be cuddling and sleeping together. I also feel the sex between you both will be very very sweaty.

wow, the message just kept coming and i gotta say very wild my pile 3 very wild, love it for you guys!

Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3

[sakasakiii]

not really a modern au but more like a weird future timeline thing where beach hermit maglor Hibernates™ all through the 2nd and 3rd ages & misses the last boats to Valinor.... thus resulting in him skulking about history until he ends up living among modern day humans haha?? the kicker is that he one day finds an abandoned baby thats all-too-suspiciously like a certain dead brother and becomes a single dad-younger brother-adopted guardian person...

i wrote a few pages of this back in 2022 but never really thought abt it further after i started posting less frequently hahaha.... heres just some feel good domestic sketches of this AU bc i miss drawing modern clothes 🤭 i have sooo many thoughts about it that i couldnt fit into these doodles !! its quite a lot of yapping so feel free to skip past the cut haha

assorted au thoughts:

i planned for maglor to eventually find all 6 of his brothers one by one through the power of Accidental Child Acquisition ✨ example: he'd spot a kid lurking around some woods near his home and eventually realise said wild child living amongst stray dogs is a bit too similar to celegorm

i just couldnt fit in the time to draw that this round... maybe next time!

though he's raising reincarnated-Maedhros, i think it makes more sense for him to give him a modern name and not explicitly call him Nelyo/Maitimo/Russandol just bc he'd not want to get his own hopes up or shove said identity onto the kid

(the occasional 'hey Nelyo' does slip out by accident from time to time however)

i think as Mae-the-kid grows up he will in time start to remember bits and pieces of his original identity? with the nicer familial things (like valinor, his brothers, feanor and nerdanel) first, and then the darker things (kinslayings, angband, war) once he's grown up that Maglor will struggle explaining or even helping him through

i promise this is a wholesome au 😭

side characters include a high-strung but good guy policeman named Officer Borden who's very suspicious of Maglor bc of all the random kids he keeps adopting.... and his younger brother Farren, who happens to be Maglor's scholarly coworker

as well as Maglor's next door neighbour Morgan, a witch-woman married to some guy named Hugh... she's got 3 kids who visit from time to time but from what Maglor's heard, the oldest son is followed by misfortune and has supposedly never met his youngest sister...?

credit to Ted Nasmith and Cartoon Network for some assets used in the doodles :D

[panda-wearing-pants]

Reasons for and against each remaining Wild Life member winning (who hasn't yet won a season)

Bdubs: Still has a yellow teammate and has been in the final 6 three times, but hasn't killed anyone yet (other than Skizz once in session 7) and has never made it past 11th in an even numbered season

BigB: The winners usually have an alliance with Cleo in the previous season, but we're not on her team (other than Scar), and BigB was one of the last humans in ep 7 of SL, along with Cleo, he also has an alliance with 2/3 past winners, and is good at surviving, he is also one of the few non-hermits, and the winners have alternated between hermits and non-hermits, but BigB tends not to stick with his allies, which could be dangerous

Etho: Still yellow and has many allies, and has been in every finale, but can't trust his main team to keep him safe, and will likely be trusted less by his other allies due to being on so many teams

Gem: Two out of five winners have won in their second season, and Gem, Joel, and Etho are all still yellow, but Gem and Joel will likely be targeted, due to being two of the best at PVP

Impulse: Impulse is still yellow, has good teammates, and is almost always in the top 7, but he isn't good at defending himself, and gets eliminated because of that

Ren: Ren has the greatest average net change in placement, going from 7th to 2nd to 11th, so, following the trend, he should place very high, maybe even 1st, Ren also got the 43rd kill, and the only two other people to get the 43rd kill were Scott in LL and Martyn in LimL, but Ren did just lose his only teammate, which is not helpful

Joel: Joel is still yellow, has two very good teammates (they are two of the only four players to never miss a finale), is good at PVP, and has been waiting for this for years, he has also been consistently at the top of my statistical predictions, unfortunately, Grian's teammates don't typically survive long (Scar placed second, but was red by episode three), and Joel often gets reckless in finales

Tango: Tango has doubled his total kills, and is good at surviving, but his survival skills typically get worse once he turns red, and his final deaths are known for being stupidly avoidable

Cleo: Cleo won Real Life, has good teammates, and hasn't made many enemies, but they have only been in the top 7 once, despite almost always making it to the finale

Other things:

Bamboozlers: I felt like Jimmy and Lizzie had similar reasons, so I put them together. Jimmy and Scar are tied for the most kills out of all living players, Lizzie is good at surviving, and Scar and Lizzie have both had a teammate make the final 2, despite only having a combined total of 8 teammates (not including WL) over a combined total of 7 seasons. The bad news is that the three of them have only ever outlived 1 of their combined 17 teammates (Bdubs in LimL died before Scar), and Lizzie and Jimmy have never been in a finale.

Reputations: Gem's first ever episode was titled "I have a reputation," which may be the reason she can't win. I think people are going to be too afraid of the Family and the G's to let them live, which leaves basically the Tuff Guys' and Bamboozlers. People in 3L were more afraid of Scar and Ren than Grian, allowing him to get to the final 3 while yellow, Scott wasn't a threat in LL, due to placing 10th in 3L, Pearl and Scar were alone in their seasons, so they managed to survive (I guess this probably doesn't apply to Martyn)

Yellows: Grian and Pearl started on yellow in the finales they won, Scott had just turned red at the end of the penultimate episode, and everyone started on red in the LimL and SL finales, so Gem, Joel, Etho, and Impulse are in good positions.

In my opinion, Gem, Joel and Impulse are likely to win, followed by Cleo and Ren, then Etho and BigB, and Bdubs, Tango, Lizzie, and Jimmy at the bottom

[prismatic-ink]

insane and deranged new hermit speculation

aka, one of them is very likely to be Joel.

First, some context.

Jimmy knows who the new hermits are. he said this in one of his Chunklock streams a WHILE ago, but I kinda thought he was joking. but he reconfirmed it in his current stream, with the cheekiest grin. now why would he know that....

also, Pearl said she had an important Minecraft recording that she had to cut her stream early for at 7 am Australian time, and based on Doc tweets, this seems to be the first HC 10 recording. Currently, Jimmy, Martyn, FWhip, Sausage, HBomb, and Scott are streaming, and they might not still be streaming till then, but if they were the new hermits they probably wouldn't be streaming right now. That leaves the two most hyped potential new guys: Skizz and Joel.

another VERY interesting tidbit of information: In Tango's patreon discord server, Cleo said that if the new hermits had TCG cards, they'd be Balanced/Builder and Balanced.

Skizz first. He would probably be the Balanced type. I don't really need to get into him being friends with so many hermits, we all know it.

However, I will say, after the last Imp and Skizz episode where Skizz talked about not having enough time to do anything I do think he isn't going to be in HC 10 unfortunately. It seems like it won't be in the cards until he goes full-time content creation. Also, Doc said the new hermits didn't know him that well, and while Skizz isn't like besties with him or anything he's been in his circle long enough to know him at least a little bit.

But what about Joel?

Balanced/Builder DEFINITELY fits Joel to a T. While his content is focused on building, he's also good at PVP and is a prankster, making him balanced. He's also close with hermits blah blah blah but here's some more EVIDENCE (actually just wild speculation). Why would Jimmy know about this? Yeah, he's close with Grian, but still. Maybe because he, Grian, and Joel came back from their trip yesterday, and the recording was today because it was the earliest possible time for it to happen for all hermits to be there, and Jimmy was filled in on this. It also explains why Jimmy seems so excited about knowing the new hermits to the point he's spoken about it twice. Obviously, he would be excited for his friend.

also this is straight up copium at this point but the shadow people on the new banner are based off a Steve and Alex model. If they were both guys I feel like they wouldn't go through the effort to make them different models. maybe,,,, maybe lizzie ldshadowlady? even though she probably wouldn't be into hermitcraft? maybe?? or at least a new female hermit. because that's the biggest thing against Joel not being a new member, if Lizzie isn't there with him it would be kinda strange ngl

[mcytblrconfessions-but-badder]

I can’t stop thinking about this one post who claims that in the last few years the most popular hermits are the ones on the life series, if you’re not in the life series good luck having solo fanart or fics. And they’re right.

False’s popularity has been steady especially due to her domination in mcc and joining empires season 2 but art of her season in hermitcraft? Rare. Especially if it’s solo art cause I’ve seen a lot of False with another hermitcraft such as Ren or Pearl or Gem. She just doesn’t seem to be around as much in the tumblr tags compared to three years ago.

A while back I checked the hermitcraft sub reddit for their top posts, a lot was season 6/7 and there is so much fanart of Keralis, Iskall, Stress and xB! Not just them with other people but solo art! Yes I can still find that here on tumblr but it involves me digging through tags. And boy if you look at the notes compared to a recent solo Grian or solo Scar art it’s nothing. Now you can argue that it’s based on how much they upload but xB uploads regularly and there’s not a lot of hermit fanart compared to him and Grian and the later uploads way less! He has nearly twice the amount of hermitcraft videos as Grian and the motherfucking British man hasn’t uploaded a hermitcraft episode since early September!

But yet I see more hermitcraft fanart of Grian in the last month than xB. I get it because of subscriber count but come on people, xB is more active but nope, bird beats fish.

And like Rendog I would say has constant fanart but when he wasn’t acting as the king on hermitcraft, the time between double and wild life Ren fanart was going down. It was still a lot but because he wasn’t in the life series and slowed down on hermitcraft videos due to real life stuff the art went down.

But if you join the life series then expect twice the amount of love. Gem joins, she then joins a base area that has life series players in and suddenly she skyrockets to be one of the favourite hermits. Ignore that Joe hills or StressMonster has been here for so long, Gem joined the life series therefore she has to be a fan fav.

“Oh but Doc is still popular! Same as Cub!” That’s because they regularly interact with life series players. Cub has Scar and now the permit office workers. He’s not out hanging with Keralis or Hypno a lot like xB. Doc kind of keeps to himself and interacts with nearly everyone but if there’s a storyline it’s gonna be with a life series member. Joe hill is only midly popular due to the mcytblr sexyman comp and his long time friendship with Cleo, another life series member. You don’t see fanart of him with Welsknight or Iskall.

And fucking Iskall man… I saw so much love for him for season 6 and 7 but the moment he had burn out or want making as much content with Mumbo and Grian he just kind of disappeared in fanart and fics. You’re gonna have an angst fic with Grian and only Scar or Mumbo can help him? Dude was so buddy buddy with Iskall where is he?

And lastly when it comes to season 10 of hermitcraft if you’re not part of the Cherry guys or the post office in regard to bases, you’re not getting any attention. Where’s the love for xB’s new and improved ocean monument? You all love guardian!xB yet nothing on his season 10. Where’s the love for the village people? It has so many hermits together but oh there’s only two life series players and one of them hasn’t been in since double life so no love for them.

I’m just tired of the life series being so connected to hermitcraft because it affected the popularity so much…

That post can’t get out of my head because they’re right.

.

[aquaquadrant]

was rereading the first part of final chapter of HTP and got caught up thinking about the whole “go get x if we don’t come back by tomorrow” thing between grian and mumbo. what if they didn’t come back. what would x do who would he go to.

i’m a MCSR addict and considering MCC, i’ve been thinking that he goes to some of the crazy good players that the hermits have been teamed with. feinberg, fruitberries, hbomb, petezahutt, and purpled are the main ones— five of the best players going feral to help out their silly little hermit friends. fein and fruit especially cause fein’s teamed with tango, and fruit is fruit. his friendship with grian in old mcc’s makes me so happy. “fruity b!!” being screamed from grian when fruit finds him from whatever they caught got by in hels makes me so happy.

anyway here’s my hels names for my silly little guys:

feinberg — matthew (irl, feinberg is his last name. matthew is his first name)

fruitberries — rotthorn (rot & thorn. fruit rots and berry bushes have thorns)

purpled — yellowed (complementary colors)

petezahutt — dominoes (goes by “dom”)

hbomb94 — honestly no idea please help guys

anyway hi sorry i’m nate i found htp like 2 weeks ago and went a smidge crazy for it. suggested it to all my friends who don’t even know what a hermitcraft or a life series is. hehe. teehee went a little wild. anyway thanks for listening to me yap and thank you for making such a good fic and such a good au you’ve given me so many brainwaves.

HELLO THANK U welcome to our lil corner of gay blockman angst 🫡

gotta be honest, when i had grian say they’d have to tell x it was more along the lines of just ‘he’s the admin and admins should be informed of these kinds of things’ rather than implicating any sort of plan of action on x’s part. but if he HAD gotten involved it prob would’ve been limited to the other hermits (on account of me not being familiar with any players outside of hermitcraft havsjdgajhahs….)

but damn those are some NEAT HELS u got there, idk these players but the names are very pleasing 👀

hbomb94… it’s annoying he’s already got ‘h’ in his name cuz that’s usually my go-to swap letter for a hels HAH so maybe we just keep it. but u could take ‘bomb’ as in the actual physical weapon, a violent action, or complete failure and that provides some fun opportunities. right off the dome i’m thinking either ‘napalm’ (phonetically similar) or ‘blitz’ (describing the action of bombing) or ‘flop’. u could ALSO get into opposites but typically i like to use the more dramatic/violent/edgy names for most hels. ofc it also depends on what characterization ur going for and i don’t know hbomb well enough to design a hels definitively. and for numbers i just swap em. SO some options for ya: napalm49 (dropped the h so it’s the same number of syllables), hblitz49, hflop49.

[ryin-silverfish]

I feel most modern adaptations don't capture Erlang Shen's wild side. In a way that's fair. He's been a very mainstream and high-ranked god for so long that to use modern lingo, he can be comfortably labeled as an "establishment sell-out". So many people have an image of him as a pure law-and-order guy, for better and for worse. I'm not going to talk about the "official" Daoist identities for him because they do their best to make him seem respectable by linking him with official sponsored waterworks projects or other forms of government-condoned activity -- I just want to talk about the folk perception, because that's the guy everyone except Daoist fundamentalists are worshiping. In early myths and myth-derived entertainment, especially stories about his youth, Erlang is very wild and rebellious. He spends all day hunting with his hound and hawk and laughs away the idea of taking orders from Heaven. He was fostered or at least aided by his aunt, Queen Mother of the West, giving him essentially a protector as he ran roughshod around China, splitting mountains to save his mother and sealing suns under mountains he carried over his shoulders. His retinue consisted of "exotic" foreigners -- golden-headed slaves Guo Yaji and Sayikun who held his blade and cared for his hound. His foot soldiers were 草头神/Wild Gods. He led the Chinese equivalent of the Wild Hunt, flushing demons out of mountains. His name was mentioned alongside the God of Death 阎罗 and the Lord of Ages 太岁 in Water Margin as a fierce god suitable for an outlaw to imitate. All in all, he reads like an upper class delinquent, someone both inside and outside of the established social order. Most modern portrayals of Erlang don't have this ambiguity.

Ohhh, I happened to read a Chinese paper that talked about the exact thing...well, maybe not the exact thing, but it is about the remaking of Erlang's image in Yuan-Ming era operas and vernacular novels!

Erlang in Pre-Song era sources, when he was not yet Li Bing's son and just an ambiguous mix of Li Bing, Lord of Sichuan + God of Guankou, was not very humanized. Like, sure, he was a regional guardian and a slayer of dragon, but there were pretty much no description of his looks or personality.

When Zhao Erlang first appeared, his image shifted into that of a martial general, but everyone's favorite "Handsome Second Lad" was mostly a creation of Yuan-Ming Zaju plays and novels.

And the paper compared and contrast the Erlang of Zaju plays and novels: in the former ones, exemplified by plays like "Erlang Drunkenly Shot the Demon-locking Mirror", he was kind of a hothead, and prone to impulsive decisions.

In JTTW and FSYY, however, he was a lot more calm, humble, and cunning, though JTTW paid homage to his pride and "rebellious hermit god" status more than FSYY, in which Yang Jian is a lot more quiet, polite and strategically-minded.

The paper argues that the Yuan-Ming plays and novels signified the shift of Erlang's image from a purely martial general to the "Confucian General" (儒将) archetype, someone who possessed both scholarly and martial virtues.

Similarly, this shift also made him a lot more closely connected with the imperial court, both celestial and mortal, and played up his loyalty + filial piety.

Now that I finished info-dumping about this really neat paper: yep, I'm not the biggest fan of "Erlang as the upholder of Celestial Justice" either, even though his more "lawful" portrayals had some basis in Qing novels like 八仙得道传 as well as Liaozhai (the short story, Xi Fangping, has him acting as a Baogong-like figure to this guy who had been wronged by corrupt Underworld officials.)

What I feel like modern adaptations + perceptions tend to overlook, however, is his "Regional Guardian" status. Someone intimately connected to the land and people of Sichuan, whether it is the wilderness of its mountains, or the irrigation projects that tamed the rivers, or the opera plays and fine wines of the Country of Heaven——天府之国.

Like, in JTTW, when SWK impersonated him and sat inside his temples, he received your average prayers for blessings and fortunes, but also requests as mundane as asking for a son or a cure to their sickness.

(While I was watching JTTW '86 adaptation of that scene on Bilibili——which was amazing and hilarious, people were like "This is what Erlang does all day?" and jokingly calling him "Erlang Community Clinic" in the scrolling comments.)

To me, he is a guy who may be too prideful for the heavens, but never considers himself too good for mortals. A true son of Shu who'd find the choice laughably easy, if he was ever asked to pick between "Upholder of Heavenly Laws" and "Lord of Sichuan".

Which is why portrayals of him as this Blood Knight-esque "Hound of Heaven" irk me, a lot.

[violet-fire-cat]

👀

Another 👀 ask, another AU ramble!!

For today, let's go wiiiiiith- hm. What do I even call this one, I'm so bad at naming aus. Uh. How about ~

Alien Avatar AU This one takes inspiration from the movie Avatar. Yes, the one with the blue aliens. I have a tendancy to watch a film/show or play a game and go 'I can make an AU out of that'. And this is one of many examples of this pfft.

Anyway! This ones more sci-fiy, but only partly so. And. Also, once again, Ethubs. Yeah. (sorry not sorry) There's also some art! Design doodles for a while ago, so that's fun ~

Bdubs is a scientist on a research vessel that's travelling to other planets to study them. He's a biologist, mostly focused on plants and how they grow. The ship is full of other Hermits with various areas of study, as well as the tech guys and medics and such.

Etho, however. Is an alien living on one of the planets that the humans want to study. His species are much earlier into their development, living in small clans and villages in the thick forests and snowy mountains of their home world. Etho is a scout and a hunter, often patrolling the territory around his village, or hunting for food to feed his people.

Bdubs' ship arrives in the planets orbit to do some research. They are aware of the native species but limit time spent on the surface and keep their distance from settlements. They don't want to interact with the locals if they can avoid it. They just want to do their research, study the planets flora and fauna, it's ecosystem, terrain, climate, etc. And then leave.

The extreme cold, heavy snow and rough terrain of the planet below is very difficult for a human to navigate safely for any length of time. And sure they aren't spending much time down there, but they still want to gather some samples and specimens to study on the ship, and to explore a little. So a few of the crew members have 'avatar' bodies made using both their own DNA and previously collected genetic material from the locals.

Bdubs is one of the people who gets one of these things, and he's a little weirded out by it at first. It looks like him, but covered in fur. It's strange. But he still makes use of it to collect plant samples for his work. He's never down there for long, and he's been told that there are no signs of a native settlement in the area he's in, so the chance of him stumbling across anyone is low.

Low. But not impossible.

He's collecting plants in the forest when something sneaks up behind him. One of the locals. Bdubs has seen pictures, but encountering one up close is different. And he's a bit concerned! The stranger is crouched low and watching him closely. Dressed in what look like animal pelts and leathers, his white fur camouflages him against the snow. He's not hostile, but he's definietly cautious and wary.

This, of course, is Etho. Who's not quite sure what he's just found. A stranger. From another clan? He doesn't look like any others Etho has seen before. He looks weird, his hair and fur are so dark. He stands out against the snow. He doesn't seem to understand his words, the other nearby clans at least speak the same language, so he must be from far away. Why is he here? Etho doesn't know. But he doesn't think this guy is dangerous. Was he collecting plants? Herbs maybe? Hm.

It'll be dark soon. Etho won't leave someone out in the snow at night. There are wild animals, and the bitter cold of winter nights is tough, even for them. It's not safe. He's still wary, but he leads Bdubs back to his home. Bdubs shouldn't follow, but he does.

The village is small, but these people have simple structures and homes built into the rocks and hillside and a fire burning bright in the middle of the settlement. The rest of the clan are curious of Bdubs, but they listen to whatever Etho tells them.

Someone passes Bdubs a bowl of hot food. Like soup. It's meaty and delicious and warms him against the winter chill. He's given a place to sleep in Etho's den, and that's where he spends the night.

When the alien body sleeps, Bdubs wakes up in his human body back on the ship. And- he has so much to explain to the others, this is going to be complicated. God he hopes he doesn't get in trouble for this it's not his fault he got found, okay!!

Technically, they should get Bdubs' alien avatar out of the village and back to the ship. But- those people don't know that Bdubs isn't from this planet. If they don't kick Bdubs out as soon as the sun rises, maybe keeping him there wouldn't be so bad. They've been granted quite an incredible opportunity to learn about the locals, about their culture and way of life. Surely they should pursue that?

Bdubs isn't sure at first, but he eventually agrees, and the next morning he links back up and rejoins Etho and the rest of the clan. They don't try to chase him out, and so begins Bdubs living an odd double life.

Over the following months Bdubs basically intergrates into Etho's clan. Learns about their language, their culture, their enviroment. The way they hunt, cook, make clothes, make medicines. It's fascinating and he's learning a lot of new skills alongside everything else. And then every night he debriefs to the other Hermits back on the ship, and they're able to add new info to their database.

Bdubs and Etho become good friends, especially as Bdubs' grasp of the language improves. And... With time, they start to become something more.

Bdubs didn't plan on falling in love with the alien! Of course not! It just... Sort of happened. And by the time he'd realised it he was in way too deep to get out.

It's becoming increasingly obvious that Etho feels the same way too... Oh dear.

Bdubs is confronted with a romance he wants but really isn't sure that he should allow. And, later, with the fact that his secret won't stay secret forever. That one day Etho will learn the truth of where Bdubs comes from. And the reality that is Bdubs eventually being expected to go back to Earth... This trip really wasn't supposed to be this complicated!!

Aaaand yep! That's all for this one! I really love this au and it's definietly one I'd love to write some time, but I'd need to figure out what order everything happens in and how certain plot points actually play out and- various other things. I don't know. Maybe one day!

But yeah, drawing Bdubs all fluffy is so fun hehe, that art is from a few months ago now and was just me experimenting a bit, but I like it!

If anyone wants to know more about this AU feel free to drop me an ask, I love to talk about these things, if you couldn't already tell pfft. Still got more of these asks in my inbox too, so expect another long AU ramble from me very soon ~

[blade-that-was-broken]

The JD that actually spent 20 years traveling the world before reconnecting with his brothers has got to have some real Wack stories to tell.

Like not just survivalist stories imagine the people he must have met, the shit he must have done. He could have had periodic breaks where he settled down and joined like a hippie commune or something for a few years. He went out into the world with the only goal to explore and discover who he was without the parentifaction.

Angst is good but the idea that He went out traveling the world with nothing but survival skills and an elementary school level of education and he fucking thrived is better. He’s seen and done so much stuff has held so many odd jobs has so many friends and is probably a local cryptid of several communities. Not in like a moth man way tho in like a Johnny Appleseed kinda way. he just shows up and gives good advice for things like hunting fishing or music writing. Buys local goods maybe sells you something and then leaves and you don’t see him again for years.

HAHA YES

Absolutely 100%

Like him just swinging around and being all like OH! That looks kinda cool! And then just chilling out with people for a bit. Or him being like hey, can you teach me that? And then him spending six months learning to make pottery or something.

I dunno, he just seems like the type to get distracted by just doing things. And yes, probably teaching too. Which is funny because he probably would think of himself as a crap teacher. I love this entire idea. Kind of that whole mix between a hermit and some dude that just goes around that everyone kind of knows about but doesn't really know, know.

You know that trope with the guy that always seems to know a guy? (Aragorn Lotr, Eliot Spencer from Leverage etc. ) I feel like JD would kind of be that guy. He brings out this absolutely random knowledge you wouldn't think he would know (and he knows by experience rather than books/etc) and wherever you go, he seems to know a guy. (Everywhere I've gone with my dad, we almost always meet someone that he knows. It boggles my mind)

So you know, tribes start visiting each other and someone comes to Pop Village and be all like oh hey! John Dory! Thanks for that fishing tip; I keep catching these wild sized bass or whatever. Or someone just being like "dude thanks for finding that really hard to find thing for me a couple years back, that's awesome" and his brothers are just like what in the world is going on?

Okay, that one ran off with me. Idk what I was thinking now.

It's like he could just cycle around the tribes or whatever, showing up every few years and then leaving after a while. The concept entirely cracks me up

[lectern-fullcauldron]

oh! just in case anyone was missing the context for the Joe Hills Lady Macbeth thing, it's drawn from a very early season nine stream where Joe was doing server mapping. we'd been through which hermit was which muppet (very important) (Cleo and Joe are the old men that heckle) and then we got on to who's who in a hermitcraft Shakespeare play. many options were thrown up, but the pinnacle of it all was Hermacbeth.

we have Joe as lady Macbeth and Cleo as lord Macbeth (Joe reasoned that their personalities would put them the other way round so he'd like a chance at whispering Cleo into regicide, for once). and we have the soup group as the weird sisters (boil boil toil and trouble), stirring the pot of fate between them.

this was all before the king arc, so you can imagine the excitement when a king presented himself to be macbethed by Joe and Cleo (and then Cleo placed on the throne). the brainrot, it's immense.

Macbeth is still swirling in the consciousness, though - Pearl collected a shulker called 'lady Macbeth's laundry' from Joe, and Cleo added Lady Macbeth the axolotl to their museum from the Empires village (probably also from Joe)

The tiny crown and the crastle are cleo's, but lady Macbeth is still there, a power behind the throne - royal letterer with an envenomed quill

(in other fun facts: the most famous lady Macbeth costume is Ellen Terry's (second best paid woman in Victorian Britain (after the Queen)). And the theatre manager for the lyceum theatre (where she worked) was Bram Stoker (Dracula author) (she called him 'ma' and she loved cats). Her costar was Henry Irving (first actor to ever be knighted), likely the guy that Stoker based Dracula off of. Oscar Wilde (of the very famous trial) once sent Ellen Terry a flower crown to make it less weird that he was also sending one to Florence Lemon Anne Balcombe Stoker (Author's wife) (who he'd also courted) (his courting gift was a gold crucifix) (visible in Dracula)). This doesn't really tie in. I just like that it links to the Dracula streams too

[thebrackishtank]

I have a new to me 550 gallon tank (120x36x30) that I'd like to set up as a brackish community with mangrove. If you had this gigantic tank, how would you stock it? Only thing I'm 100% dead set on is a dragon goby. If I have the water depth 24", is that too deep for mudskippers if there's lots of roots/wood for them to get up on? Monos, scats, archers, and puffers seem to be the most commonly recommended, but I dont know who can live happily with who. All recommendations welcome!

Mama Mia that's a big ol tank! Let's see if I can answer your questions/statements in order...

I love Dragon Gobies and kept one for many years myself. They are lovely and peaceful with other fish - and though territorial, in this size tank with many possible locations for caves, you can keep a few without issue. Worth considering!

Mudskippers are fun but the issue with them is they are skittish. They are prey animals and they know it. If there's a big old fish in the water, even if harmless, they won't go in the water much. I'd probably skip then.

Puffers are also fun, but the issue is that most puffers will nip at sedentary fish like Drsgon Gobies. I say most because they are smart fish with distinct personalities; I have maybe the most peaceful GSP out there, who lives in a tank with snails and hermits and never once attacked then. But it's a risk I don't recommend.

Scats, Monos, and Archers will work here. You want to make a tank that LOOKS brackish? These are your guys. I do absolutely love Scats, and recommend Silver Scats if you can find them, but prepare for a fish that lives 15 to 20 years :)

As for other suggestions, I have three:

What I personally would be most tempted to try is a native brackish biotope. Dragon Gobies live up the US coast from NC down to the Gulf of Mexico - and we have so many awesome brackish fishes. Lined Killifish, Silversides, Sleeper Gobies, Needlefish, Mollies, Sunfish, Soles, and some of the introduced Cichlids are just a small taste of our many brackish options. You'd have to collect most of these yourself, though, limiting you somewhat.

I might be tempted to try Chromides here. Cichlids of the genus Eutroplus, the 2 brackish species are the chunky Green Chromides (that get up to 14 inches) and the tiny Orange Chromides (that get around 2-3). Sounds like a bad match right? In the wild, the two live together swimmingly, with the oranges acting as cleaner fish for the greens. Such a cool tank concept!

At your low end here (1.003 to 1.005) there are a few schooling rainbowfish that would work fine. I know it might feel like a waste of a big tank to keep mostly 3 to 4 inch long fish, but if you've ever seen a tank with 50 or 80 Boesemans Rainbows, you'll know it's a legitimate choice. Mix in some Australian and McCulloch's Rainbows and you've got a nifty tank!

My blog has caresheets for basically any brackish fish you are likely to find in the trade commonly or uncommonly. Take a browse and if you have any questions, let me know!

[loominggaia]

How this divine oc, the divine of smiths! He’s an ancient dworf divine and basically your stereotypical dwarven master smith. Immensely talented with metal and stone able to create masterworks of unparalleled quality and magical power, but also a stubborn/ staunchly conservative and isolationist asshole. 

He’s originally from Zareen and lived their most of his immortal life, but has moved to an isolated forge temple under the shrieking mountains of Folkvar in the past millennium’s. He’s a huge metallurgy nerd with an encyclopedic knowledge on all manor of metal facts and ancient forging techniques, having traveled the world and studied all he could on metal working in his younger divinity years. He used to be a lot friendlier and more social, running massive ancient forges and refineries where he taught not just the dworf mastersmiths of old, but literally anyone who was willing to learn, no matter their species/ nationality/ gender/ etc… . He’s responsible for creating many powerful magical artifacts and weapons, the likes of which no living mage has yet to replicate.

He used to support his people and their industrialism in his early days, seeing it as nothing but good for his fellow dworfs back then. However after millieneia of witnessing his peoples sacred metalcrafts erode away and be replaced by cheap mass produced junk/ the destruction of Gaia at the hands of runaway technology and capitalism/ as well what he considers the most horrifying, his masterworks be misused to cause mass destruction and death soured him away. He abandoned his empire in disgust and left, moving and shutting himself away as to avoid everyone.

With the exemption of a clan of oreads who bring him materials and keep him company he’s mostly a hermit, shunning modern Soceity while he tends his forges and crafts masterworks to pass the time. He’s difficult to contact, rarley ever accepting students or commissions anymore. All prospective students must completely swear to avoid modern technology and submit to learning “the old ways”, and endure his tough regiments as a now harsh master. Getting a hold of one of his works being even more difficult! Basically submitting you to harsh testing to see if your worthy of one of his works and won’t misuse them, having curses attached to his current master works as punishment for their misuse.

I love this kind of story, it's right up my alley! I imagine some really wild weapon and armor sets floating around the world because of this guy.

Maybe a sword that can kill anything with one cut, but cursed so that once you pick it up you can never let it go. That sort of thing.

Really cool character idea, thank you so much for sharing this!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

Read the Series

[jurakan]

The Saint Who Met Mythological Creatures

Alright, so! @wolfprincess17! I originally didn’t plan to talk about him this week, but his Feast Day was this week, so Today You Learned about the encounters between Saint Anthony of Egypt and Greek mythological creatures!

Saint Anthony of Egypt, or Saint Anthony the Great, is one of the early saints and a father of the monastic movement. One thing he did was go out into the desert to go be a hermit, much in the same way that Jesus did for forty days in the Gospels. One of the popular bits about his story is that like Jesus, Anthony experienced temptations in the desert, where weird visions and demons and shiz came and bothered him. Weirdly, these stories aren’t something that came hundreds of years later–one of his contemporaries, Saint Athanasius, mentioned them.

Huh.

Anyhow, it’s a popular subject in art– @ms-ninja-crab has a bit from one of those paintings as her icon. Anyway, among the crazy things reported to have happened in his desert wanderings, there are encounters with Greek mythological creatures: a centaur, and a satyr. 

When he was looking for another desert Hermit, Paul of Thebes, Anthony came across a centaur. Anthony asked for directions, at which point the centaur tried speaking to him, but Anthony couldn’t understand the gibberish coming out of the creature’s mouth. The centaur pointed in the direction of Paul, and then ran off.

[Jacopo Palma il Giovane’s image of the event.]

Later on, he runs into a half-man, half-goat creature, and this one does speak Anthony’s language. The creature says he’s a satyr, and a mortal creature, of a race mistakenly worshiped by humans mistaking them for a god. The satyr asks Anthony to pray for him and his people, because he heard of the Lord Jesus saved the world. Anthony then takes some time to criticize the people of Alexandria, Egypt, because so many of them worship idols, whereas this nonhuman creature in the desert honors the Lord God. 

Then the satyr also runs off.

What the heck do we make of these stories?

The common explanation is: they’re demons sent to confuse or scare Saint Anthony. Satyrs/fauns were often seen as demons of the wild places by the Jewish people when they were introduced to them in the Hellenistic and Roman world (because, y’know, lustful goat people hanging out in the wilderness just sounds demonic). Except… these creatures don’t act like demons. The centaur seems a surprise, but Saint Anthony isn’t tempted or scared by him; the guy seems weirdly helpful considering the language barrier. And the satyr praises Jesus, which is not something you’d expect from a demon.

A kind of metaphor, then? But for what? And it’s also worth noting that Saint Jerome didn’t see this as a metaphor–in recounting the story in The Life of Paul the First Hermit, Jerome makes a point to assure readers that satyrs are totally real, guys–one showed up in Alexandria one day, and the body’s still around! You can see it! Or something.

I don’t know what to tell you, guys. I’d like to believe that it’s a way to say that even nonhuman beings are welcome to be saved and welcomed into the Christian religion, because that’s an interesting idea. At the same time, it’s so odd and out there, that people are still arguing what this story’s supposed to mean. Most people don’t take it as a literal recounting of events, I think, which is, y’know, fair. 

But it’s fricking weird.

[frogblast-the-ventcore]

Home On The Strange

So, here we go.

Home on the Strange was the first successful TTRPG campaign that I ever ran - I'd tried running some games of Shadowrun in college, but that system is uh, iffy, to say the least, even if the setting is amazing.

I'd started watching an excellent YouTuber named Seth Skorkowsky, who praised Call of Cthulhu as a TTRPG system, so I got really into the idea of running a game of it.

And then I watched Cowboys and Aliens for the second time.

And thus was born the seed of Home on the Strange.

Setting:

I eventually settled on using the Pulp Cthulhu additional ruleset, to fit the tone of Cowboys and Aliens best.

I decided on a homebrew setting in Wyoming, and created Serpent Springs, Wyoming to serve as the hub location for the campaign.

I decided on a year of 1899 for the campaign, to potentially use themes of "the end of the Wild West" and the upcoming turn of the 20th century. Didn't really go there outside NPC backstories, though.

And then I mostly copy-pasted the plot of Cowboys and Aliens, replacing the generic aliens from the film with the Mi-Go.

I actually made an entire map of the town center, the information on which went little used.

In general, I overprepared for the campaign. But I blame that on my hyperfixation setting itself firmly to "learn everything about late 1890s Wild West".

But I digress. Onto the cast next!

Cast:

I'd gotten a group of five players for the campaign, and after character creation we had the following player characters:

1. Minerva "Missy" King: local prostitute/saloon girl, the cast's social expert, eventual Monsterfucker. She had the most inconsistent luck with combat rolls I've ever seen, and eventually flipped off Nyarlathotep to his face (indirectly).

2. Colby: Town doctor, innately curious, eventual magic-using Snakeman.

3. Sam Walker: sheriff's deputy, first to fail a SAN check, eventual single-handed killer of the "final boss".

4. Constance "Connie": local semi-hermit, sharpshooter, and grumpy old lady, also eventually became a Snakewoman.

5. Violet Brown: another sheriff's deputy, skilled at weaponry and charm, already a Monsterfucker prior to the game start due to her intimate relationship with Sheriff Jane, whom she eventually married post-game. Her player dropped out about 1/3rd of the way through due to not vibing with the non-combat aspects of Call of Cthulhu.

Major NPCs:

1. Sheriff Jane Rodgers: Civil War veteran, holder of highly progressive ideas for criminal investigation, excellent gunslinger, Fancy Lesbian Werewolf™, eventual wife of Violet.

2. Chief Deputy Jacob "Jake" Langford (aka Ara'ssa): Rattlesnake-inspired serpentman, former leader of a criminal gang called the Rattlers, part time bounty hunter, mammal chaser, husband of Woodrow Langford, ex-Fang of Yig (a serpentperson who is a direct servant/occasional vessel of the Great Old One Yig, in exchange for increasing one's willpower/ability with magic. Very much the Power Bottom Himbo to his husband's Catty Gay Service Top.

3. Chief Deputy Woodrow Langford: Just a Guy™, former second-in-command of the Rattlers criminal gang, part time bounty hunter alongside his husband, Catty Gay Service Top to his husband's Power Bottom Himbo. Very skilled at many things of the illegal varieties.

4. Delilah Wrangler: Current leader of the Rattlers gang, lover of Old Garrison, possessed of bright red hair after a magical incident with the Rattlers and an underground K'n'yan city. Eventual wife of Missy King.

5. Old Garrison: Giant old-man Grandpa Ghoul, born in the mid-1750s, fought in the Revolutionary War. Lover of Delilah Wrangler, owner of the Biggest Iron™, very much inspired by Goris the albino deathclaw. Eventual husband of Missy King.

6. Buzz: conscientious objector Mi-Go who eventually helped the PCs stop his people's kidnapping of innocents and razing of towns. Outfitted in the Mi-Go equivalent of MJOLNIR armor from Halo.

Note: I may have missed some.

Next post will be the first part of the recap.

[heehoothefool]

3 am funny thoughts again so here we go.

Hermits as DnD Classes and Races

Unlike the empires cast, I'll be doing this one based off of generalized knowledge or my favorite version of them, depends on the Hermit. Not restricted by particular seasons.

To be kind to myself, I am only doing Hermits that are active or busy with some other series like Vault Hunters (Mumbo is included here). I won't be doing former Hermits because this list is already crazy long.

Let's go

Bdubs: Light domain cleric gnome. He is a little man of the moss, and have you seen his affinity for animals? He has to be a gnome. And the whole sun thing? Yeah, dude's a light cleric.

Cubfan: This man is a wizard, illusion focus. No other class has enough hubris to build that kind of pyramid just because, and to me, what would a member of ConVex/ConCorp want more out of magic than to trick the eyes of those around them? As for race, I'd pin Cub for the Unearthed Arcana changeling, the one with Unsettling Visage. Seems like he'd get good use out of it.

Doc: Artificer, Maverick subclass. He is constantly working on new reality breaking projects that only someone like himself could pull off. As for race, I think you could do some kind of earth genasi/warforged homebrew combination that would work wonderfully for him. He would be a wild character to play for sure.

Etho: Half elf assassin rogue. Great at pvp, and very pretty, but still very down to earth.

False: Unlike her Empires counterpart, Hermit False to me reads as more of a Monster Hunter Fighter. Protecting her friends from whatever monsters may be nearby, or evil individuals with bad intentions, this class would work for her quite well. Still human for the race though.

Gem: She's only been around for 2 seasons and season 8 was very short, but she definitely seems to have a very Natural theme to her stuff, so I want to call her a circle of the moon druid. And also a faun for the race, probably forest. She is absolutely a fae of some kind and forest just fits her aesthetic so nicely.

Scar: Okay. This man is a college of glamor bard that rolled triple 6s and put that straight into charisma. He will talk you out of the clothes on your back in excahnge for a cactus. He's also 100% a changeling to match Cub, but also because it's the only way I can possibly explain the Many Faces And Forms Of Scar. However, I would say he probably also multiclasses into the Sharpshooter Fighter for his HotGuy persona.

Grian: Aaracokra for the whole avian thing with wings and all, but for his class I'm a little unsure. I'm considering Trickery domain cleric, but I think, all things considered, Great Old One Pact of the Blade warlock might be the best fit, allowing us to incorporate the Watchers as the patron, while also giving him good combat versatility. The charisma focus will be good for his shenanigans too.

Jevin: Seeing as Jevin appears to be very skilled all around, it's hard for me to place his class. With his evident skill in making highly efficient mob farms, and overall mob knowledge, I'm going to place him as a Ranger, monster hunter subclass. As for race, the Slimefolk race on the 5e Wiki seems like it would do just fine for our favorite goopy guy.

Impulse: The scale to which this man makes anything is impeccable. After his soup gang shenanigans, I wanna call this man an Oath of Vengeance Paladin, and I'm so attached to him as a dwarf I'm keeping to it. It's very him, stout little guy sticking up for everyone else.

Joe Hills: With Joe's very chaotic nature and ability to just kinda convince people to go along, I wanna call them a college of glamor bard. I have never been so confused and intrigued by an individual's goals. Also, Joe gives me just straight up fae vibes, the race you can find on the 5e Wiki.

Keralis: Look into those big eyes of his and tell me that's not a wild magic sorcerer. Brimming with charisma, that stuff is running through his veins. He would be the type to get startled and accidentally polymorph into a potted plant for a few seconds. As for race, I think human works just fine. Kinda just some guy (affectionate).

Pearl: Ah yes, the cleaning lady and epitome of go big or go home. With her penchant for keeping objects orderly and the server in a state of upside down chaos, I want to pin her as an Arcane Trickster Rogue. As for race, I think mothkin could be fun.

Rendog: That's a college of glamor bard that multiclassed into lycan order blood hunter. Keeps the whole werewolf thing around, and acknowledges the Red King, while still acknowledging that no other class than a glamor bard is going to commit that hard to a bit. Racewise his base race is probably human.

Tango: Artificer, archivist subclass to play into his role as the Decked Out Dungeon Master while still being very, very aware of his Redstone tomfoolery. As for race, Fire Genasi acknowledges the fire motifs we as a fan base often use for him while respecting his wishes to not be represented with horns by not making him a tiefling. And also fire hair is fun.

Beef: I don't know a lot about Beef but I do know that this is a very dedicated artist of a man. He gives me half elf vibes, and as for his class I wanna say some sort of charisma caster, I'm gonna go bard, College of Creation. Have you seen those maps? Those bases? This man is an artist.

XB: This guy and his underwater thing, I'm calling him a triton for fun. He seems to be very big on games and builds with story, so for this I think I want to actually make him an Illusion Wizard. Give him the stuff he needs to make things look wonderful and tell the story he wants to tell. And also to prank. I think he would enjoy it.

Xisuma: If there was ever a man more suited to play a Wild Magic Sorcerer it has to be him. The Admin with an evil doppelganger? Brother? Whatever Evil X is. X himself is your best, charismatic friend who just happened to also have the Sage Background to explain his very deep knowledge of "the world around him" (Minecraft). A changeling to explain away all of his various looks and also the fact that nobody knows what he actually looks like. Also Wild Magic funny and a good origin for a guy who is as powerful as he is for "no real reason" in lore.

Zedaph: Alchemist Artificer. Satyr. Need I say more? This is a chaotic little goat fey man who makes wacky ass contraptions. And I never stop thinking about that auto-brewer. It lives in my mind rent free at all times.

ZombieCleo: Despite the name, I don’t know that the Zombie race fits. Rather, I think Cleo could be better suited to the Wight race created by u/callmepartario over on r/UnearthedArcana. It plays into her little rivalry with Jevin, I think, that it's the need for vengeance keeping her "alive." As for her class, with her armor stand skills and penchant for head collecting, I think it would be very funny to pin her as a Necromancy Wizard. Why else would she need so many skulls? Why else would she raise so many "bodies?"

Hypno: Another Hermit I don't know much about, but I like his vibes. He gives me Assassin Rogue feelings so I'm gonna go with that, and say his race is blue dragonborn because again. Vibes.

Iskall: Oh look at them. Look at them and tell me that is not a Mastermaker Artificer wood elf. Look at the fun mix of nature and science and tell me I am incorrect I dare you. I love Iskall.

Mumbo: This, my friends, is really quite simple. Mumbo is a Maverick Artificer without a doubt, very skilled in just about all manner of Redstone contraptions. Mumbo is also a man of many projects (some of which get pushed off to the side for a while) so I think this suits him. As for race, this man strikes me as a tuxedo cat tabaxi. Idk I just like it, I think it'd be funny if Grian's bestie was a cat.

Stress: Circle of the Moon Druid she is so friend shaped oh my god. Incredibly friend shaped, incredible flower vibes, what kind of wood elf do you take her for?

Wels: Oath of Devotion Paladin. Stays true to his morals and does his best to do good, what more is there to say on that? He is incredibly human to me, love this man.

And that's all! If you have any alternative ideas go ahead and tack them on! I would love to get further input about the Hermits I'm not super familiar with, so if you disagree with something feel free to put it in the reblogs or tags or even pester my inbox! Oh my god this post took so long.