#so many crimes

[elliottkay]

You ever miss your hometown so much during a pandemic that you wrote a whole novel about it with magic and car chases and sexy immortal mercenaries and a sketchy secret FBI task force and adorable cats and the sweetest monster-chomping ghost dog ever? Or is it just me?

GRAND THEFT SORCERY is out now! You can read chapter one for free on my website!

The vampire lord of Los Angeles is dead, plunging the nightlife into chaos. His subjects fight over his title and his missing treasure hoard. The conflict brings werewolves, sorcerers, and djinn close to open war.

Repo man Evan Murphy knows nothing of the supernatural. He only wants a roof over his head and food for his cats. When a risky job lands him in the dungeon of a Hollywood Hills necromancer, a forgotten god offers him the power to escape—making him the target of a beautiful immortal mercenary and every monster within a hundred miles. Evan’s new magic may save the city from its shadows, but only if he can save himself.

WARNING: Grand Theft Sorcery contains explicit sex, explicit violence, explicit criticism of American law enforcement, bilingual profanity, a meet-cute that ends in homicide, conspicuous consumption, Los Angeles, demons, monsters, cops, vampires, talent agents, tautologies, street racing, attempted murder, successful murder, axe murder, motorcycle helmet murder, matching basketball hoodies, carjacking, kidnapping, brief torture, discovery of animal abuse (past/off-page), destruction of evidence, rampant traffic violations, premeditated hotel reservation with Only One Bed, desecration of the dead, awkward meetings with the ex, awkward meetings with the ex’s mom, deadly bisexuals, hypermasculine podcaster trash, acknowledgment of white privilege, false license plates, conspiracy, squatting, looting, mauling, home invasion, trespassing, witchcraft, abuse of authority, aggressive generosity, arguable cannibalism, destruction of private property, search warrant violations, outright lies, phone hacking, petty theft, grand larceny, vandalism, arson, defenestration, resisting arrest, driving under the influence of existential shock, appropriation of queer meme culture, shooting, punching, kicking, biting, couch surfing, bribery of wildlife, old timey Hollywood stereotypes, internet sexism and exploitation thereof, unflattering implications about Heaven and angels, two entirely normal cats, and the Black Dog of the Mojave.

GRAND THEFT SORCERY stands alone as a thrill ride unto itself, yet it shares a world and characters with the Good Intentions series. No prior reading required, but GI readers will recognize events and a few very familiar faces. Again, if you want a good preview, chapter one is here on my website!

Cover illustration by Julie Dillon, title design by Lee Moyer!

[e-for-annoying]

Bruce's reaction to tim doing crimes so that he can live alone and not go to school:

[tuff-the-dwarf]

Spoiler version is under the cut!

[hotasfahrenheit]

in case anyone forgot, @poetry-protest-pornography and i are very funny actually

[but-first--tea]

The glow from Bloom around white isn't nearly so annoying when it's your entire character instead of just your hair...

Also Ferthur's new hobby is going to be pretending to be a marble statue and then scaring the shit out of people LOL

[kamikotized]

HE HAS TWO HANDS HE CAN HOLD BOTH NATS HANDS. TWO NATS FOR GABE. HE'S JUST SUCH A GOOD BOY HE GETS DOUBLE MAYURA.

[squisheycat]

HE COMMITS SO MANY CRIMES AND HATES THE GOVERNMENT!!!!!!

[never-quite-buried]

Ayyy new tony slander just dropped on Film Theory, dude is going in on him and I’m Here For It

[blorbos-of-the-7th-dawn]

THE SHARK GIRL HAS AQUIRED SHARK TEETH

[chloesimaginationthings]

Happy 10th anniversary to FNAF!!

[frownyalfred]

the “We should get married so we can’t ever be forced to testify against each other” trope except it’s Bruce and Clark as a catch all for any/all crimes committed by Bruce (as a vigilante) Clark (usually as a party to vigilantism, but also all the lies/forgery to look human) and both of them (money laundering, fraud, etc committed to create and fund the Watchtower).

Because if one identity gets found out, it’s not hard to connect the dots. And if it ever came to a trial, or a military tribunal, no one would see spousal privilege being invoked by Batman & Superman coming. Not from a mile away.

[teler-of-gallifrey]

Cookie Clicker…

duality of man

[bathroom-sand]

paramount and spyglass are trying so hard right now to save face because jenna ortega rightfully left the scream franchise after they fired melissa for supprting palestine. nobody is dumb enough to believe the excuse that it’s a scheduling conflict hours after rumors she was trying to get out of her contract cause she was pissed. i’m very thankful that jenna is risking her career and using her position to do the right thing. she’s been outspoken about palestine for years now. i hope this begins a trend of zionist losing money for their support and complacency with an active genocide

[but-first--tea]

Can't stop, I'm obsessed

[cor-lapis]

Genuinely how did he go to jail for water crimes in the WRONG COUNTRY

[that-willowtree]

these motherfuckers are going to give me mental illness