#so many bad situations whenever someone is romantically interested in me

[megxplryxb]

For you, I would ruin myself

Pairings: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader, mentions of Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Allusions to cheating but not really, Mutual pining, Idiots in love, Love confessions, Angst, Heartbreak

Author's notes: Hi lovely people, I'm really sorry I haven't been around lately. Well, who am I kidding, I've been pretty MIA since March. The writers block was kicking my ass and the motivation just wasn't there but I've had so many ideas lately and this one was unfinished in my drafts for way too long so finally got around to completing it over the past few days. I'm not in love with the ending, but I do like that it's not the usual happy ending I always do. Please be kind, I'm a little rusty. x

Another Friday evening, another failed date, Steve thought to himself as he climbed into his BMW with a deflated sigh, leaning back against the headrest. He’d been on three dates in the past month and it was starting to feel a little mundane and pointless. Three different candidates, three different bouquets of flowers, three different venues but none of them had developed into anything further. He was completely used to the routine by now, picking them up from their house, paying for the meal or for the movie, making some awkward conversation before sharing a kiss that made him feel absolutely nothing inside. He’d tell the girl he was sorry, that he didn't see it going anywhere between them before offering her a ride home or pay for a cab and head back to his house alone.

It's not that the girls weren't pretty, or that their personalities were dull or that they’d done anything wrong necessarily. The issue was Steve and his lack of real interest in getting to know any of them romantically, 'cause there was someone else consuming his thoughts and he couldn't get her out of his fucking mind. He pressed his forehead to the steering wheel, cursing at himself for being so off of his game, for being so distracted by someone he knew he couldn't have. Steve used to be a pro at dating, he could get any girl he wanted, whenever he wanted just by clicking his damn fingers. But he wasn't that guy anymore and this time he couldn't get the girl either. The girl he really fucking wanted. Frustrated, he pulled out of the parking lot, turning up the radio before leaving Enzo's and another unsuccessful date in the rear view mirror.

He picked up a case of beer from the liquor store and contemplated going home to drown his sorrows alone. He thought about going to Robin's too but knew she'd chew him out for screwing up yet another date that she had to convince him to go on in the first place. He wasn't even sure his best friend would want to see him after their stupid argument in Family Video earlier, so he decided against the idea and kept on driving.

"Steve, you have to move on from this fixation you have with her. You and her are never gonna happen, it can't happen, you know that right?"

"Yeah I know Robin, alright? Jesus Christ, can you please stop talking about it?”

"Look, I'm sorry ok? I know I'm being a total pain in the ass but I'm just worried about you. I know how you get when you fall for someone and I don't want to see you get hurt or mess up a really good friendship because of–"

"I get it Robin, fuck, I'm trying to get over it, over her, I really am. I've distanced myself as much as I can without making it totally obvious that something’s up. What else do you want me to do, huh?"

"I don't know, Steve! I'm just trying to help. I'm trying to be your friend and make you see that this doesn't have a happy ending for you.”

“You don’t think I know how this ends for me? How it always ends? I’m well aware of how this goes Robin, so please just…don’t, ok?”

Steve felt horrible for fighting with Robin. He felt like shit for taking his frustrations out on her but she just wouldn't stop talking about the situation and the consequences he would face if he ever acted on his feelings. He already felt bad enough about it, he didn’t need her reminding him every five god damn minutes that he couldn’t have the thing he wanted the most. Of course, he'd apologise to her tomorrow with ice cream and chocolate along with the promise of being her personal chauffeur for the next month straight because deep down he knew she was right.

After a while of driving around, Steve found himself at the entrance of Forrest Hills trailer park. His fingers dancing on the steering wheel as he bit his lip, thinking about whether or not he should just keep going. Eddie had been on his ass lately about never seeing him, wondering if he'd done or said something to piss Steve off, trying to arrange a boys night so they could catch up but Steve kept putting him off until the metal head eventually quit asking. Christ, Munson wouldn’t want to hang out with him ever again if he knew the reason why Steve was avoiding him in the first place. But Robin was right, he had to get over it and cutting himself off from everyone wasn’t going to help anything.

"Fuck it." Steve muttered, as he drove through the gates and made his way into the trailer park, hoping he wouldn’t regret his decision later on, praying it wasn’t a total mistake coming here.

The gravel crunched under his tyres as the car came to a halt outside of Eddie's trailer just as the sun had finally set on the little town of Hawkins, Indiana. Switching off his ignition, he grabbed the case of beer before stepping out of the car, walking around to the back of the trailer but quickly noticing that neither Waynes car or Eddie’s van were anywhere to be found. He could however, see a flicker of light escaping through the curtains and hear the chorus of Shout by Tears for Fears coming from inside, causing his heart to beat a little faster, skin feeling a little hotter, cause he knew who was inside and he needed to get out of there immediately.

"Shit." Steve whispered, hurrying back to his car, placing the box of beer onto the passenger seat hoping his presence hadn't been noticed by the one person he had been trying so desperately hard to stay away from all this time. But the creak of the trailer door opening behind him told him he was already too late as he turned around to see you standing there, arms folded, head tilted, smiling at him.

"Hey stranger, long time no see."

Steve swallowed hard, instantly feeling more butterflies in his stomach just from seeing you for the first time in weeks than he had from any of his dates in the past month. He didn’t know how it was possible but he was certain you’d gotten even prettier in his absence. Your usual flowy hair clipped back into a messy bun, sun kissed legs on show in your tiny denim shorts, finished off by an oversized Metallica T-shirt that most definitely belonged to your boyfriend...To Eddie, one of Steve's best friend’s. The one and only reason he could never tell you how he really felt.

“Yeah, I guess it’s been a while, huh?” He chuckled nervously as you made your way down the steps, towards his car.

“A while? It’s been forever. I think I was even starting to miss you.” You tease, wrapping your arms around him, pulling him into the warmest of hugs. His whole body tenses with the feeling of you so close to him and he swore his heart stopped for a moment as he took in your scent. You were ice cream on hot summer days, cocoa on cold winter nights and everything he knew he could ever want or need.

It wasn’t unlike you to hug him, you’d always been affectionate and touchy but it felt different this time, like you needed it as much as he did. So he finally relaxed his body, allowing his arms to find their way around your waist, chin resting on your head, keeping you close for what felt like several minutes.

“Yeah, I missed you too.” So much, he thinks to himself as you eventually break apart.

“So, beer huh? I take it you were looking for Eddie?” You ask, noticing the box in Steve’s BMW.

“Uh, yeah…he’s been asking me to come hang out for a couple of weeks but I’ve just been super busy with work and stuff. Finally had some free time, so I thought I’d take him up on the offer before he completely disowned me.” Steve jokes as you let out a small laugh.

“Poor guys been like a lost puppy without you. Honestly, its getting embarrassing. I’m clearly not enough for him.” You sigh sarcastically as Steve shakes his head.

“I highly doubt that honey.” He replies truthfully, voice in the back of his mind screaming that you’d be enough for him. That you’ve always been enough for him.

You look away from him, placing a loose strand of hair behind your ear, hoping he hasn't caught the slight tint of pink creeping onto your cheeks with his tiny compliment.

“Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you but he’s playing with the band at the Hideout tonight.” You shrug, tugging on your bottom lip.

“That’s cool, I totally should have checked first anyway. I’ll catch him another time.” Steve replies, playing with his car keys.

“Y’know, Eddie’s not the only one who likes beer or do you just not want to hang out with me?” You smile, raising a brow and god he knows he’s in trouble. He knows he should shake his head, make up some excuse and run for the hills but he can’t. Not when you’re looking at him like that, like you want him to stay and fuck he really wants to.

“Of course I want to hang out with you, I just don’t want to be imposing.” He explains as you scoff.

“Imposing? Please, I could really do with a break, I’ve been cleaning this place all day for Wayne before he gets back into town tomorrow. Eddie’s a total pig, I swear he’s lucky he’s cute.” You laugh but Steve doesn’t really laugh with you. He hates that you think Eddie is cute, hates the way you say his name. Hates that he has no right to feel so jealous but he can’t help it. Because it was Steve’s own fucking fault for not telling you how he felt months ago, when he had a real chance to make you his before Eddie went and beat him to it.

“So, are you coming in or?” You ask, eyes wide as you start walking back towards the trailer.

This was Steve’s chance to run, to get into his car and go home like he’d originally planned to do. Why hadn’t he just done that in the first place? Why did he think coming to Eddie’s was such a good idea and how the fuck had he ended up alone with you? Robin would fucking kill him if she could see him now. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to be here. You should have been working in the Hideout like you did every Friday night since you left Family Video and him behind all those months ago.

“Steve?” You call again when you don’t hear his footsteps following you.

“Huh? Oh, yeah sorry, I’ll just grab the beers.” He finally answers, smiling at you as you nod happily, heading back inside.

Steve curses at himself, knowing he couldn’t leave now, it’d be too obvious. You were his friend just as much as Eddie, the only problem was, he didn’t want Eddie like he wanted you.

When he finally joined you inside, you were rummaging through a drawer to find a bottle opener that Wayne kept in there for safe keeping. Steve tries to look anywhere but at you as his body stood stiff in the doorway while you made your way towards the couch, plonking your tired body down. He could tell you’d been cleaning all day, the trailer unrecognisable from the usual mess Eddie had it in. Fresh hoover lines apparent on the spotless carpet, laundry washed and folded, pillows puffed, trash emptied and the countertops cleared and wiped down. There was even a scent of lavender in the air, compared to the usual smell of motor oil and cigarettes.

“You can sit down you know?” You smirk as Steve smiles, shaking his head.

"Sorry, I was just momentarily distracted by the fact that I could actually see the floor in here for once.” He jokes, placing the alcohol on the side table as you giggle, feeling him slump down beside you, letting out a heavy breath.

“Hi.” Steve smiles, turning his head towards you, resting his eyes on your porcelain face. It’s unfair how good you look right now, so effortlessly beautiful with your hair up and no make up on. Christ, you could be on the cover of any magazine, he thinks to himself.

“Hi.” You smile back, nudging your knee with his playfully and Steve’s thankful you can’t hear how fast his heart is beating just from the slightest bit of contact.

“Beer?” He offers, ripping open the box to grab two bottles.

“Thought you’d never ask, Harrington.” You tease, taking one from his hand, passing him the bottle opener.

“Cheers.” He grins nervously, clinking his drink with yours before he takes a large swig.

Forty minutes pass and you're both already on your second drink, catching up and talking as if no time at all had gone by. It had always been that way between you both, effortless and easy and Steve knew it was dangerous territory. He so quickly forgot all of the reasons why he shouldn't be here with you right now when your leg was brushing against his own, your head thrown back in a fit of laughter as he recalled an embarrassing story about Keith from the previous week and Christ, he had missed your infectious laugh.

He had missed everything about you.

He couldn't remember the last time you two had been alone together, it had to have been a couple of months at least and it felt nice that he had you all to himself for a little while without any distractions. Some of his favourite times had been your shifts together at Family Video, making each other laugh non stop, discussing the latest gossip of the town while stacking the shelves, taste testing the new candy when Keith left early like he always did and making up little games to play on nights where the hours just seemed to drag. You brightened up the store every time you walked in, made work fun and bearable and he looked forward to any shift that he got to spend with you.

That was until you went and left of course.

Steve had been utterly devastated the day Robin told him you'd given your two weeks to Keith, confused as to why you hadn't told him yourself and a little hurt that he was the last to know. He remembers Eddie coming to pick you up on your last day, a shit eating grin on his face now that you were going to work at the Hideout, meaning he'd get to see his new girlfriend way more while Steve got to see you much less. He had to clench his fists as he watched you walk out the door with Eddie, forcing a smile as you looked over your shoulder, giving him one last look before waving goodbye with tears in your eyes. He wanted so badly for you to change your mind, wanted to beg you to reconsider but Robin reminded him that it was for the best, hoping it would give Steve the time he needed to get over you.

“Y’know I was really starting to worry about you, was even thinking about setting up a search party.” You giggle, taking Steve away from him thoughts as he rolls his eyes playfully.

“I’m flattered you were so concerned about me.”

“I’m serious! I kept asking Dustin about you but he said he hadn’t seen you much either.”

“Well if you hadn’t left Family Video to go work with your boyfriend, you’d still see me everyday.” Steve responds in a tone that’s half teasing/half bitter and he winces seeing how taken aback you are by his comment

“Eddie’s not the reason I left, Steve.” You reply, pressing the bottle to your lips. If only he knew the real reason.

“Oh come on, why else would you leave? I can’t imagine it was for the scenic views or massive wage increase.” He scoffs sarcastically as you avoid his gaze.

“It was just time for me to move on.” You shrug, tugging on your bottom lip, wishing he would drop this topic.

“What do you mean? I thought you liked working at the Video store?” He quizzes, confused by your answer.

“I did, I loved it there but I just needed a change.”

“But that doesn’t make any—”

“Steve, can we please drop it?” You beg, your lips turning downward in a frown as you fidget with the hem of your boyfriends t-shirt.

“Yeah—yeah sure, sorry. I didn’t mean to be an asshole about it, it’s just that…I miss you. I mean, we miss you, Robin and I.” He swallows hard as you smile at him, your cheeks turning hot at his words.

“I miss you too, Steve. Both of you.” You reveal before a silence falls over the room for a moment.

"Are you hungry? You wanna order a pizza or I’m pretty sure there’s potato chips in the cupboard if you want some? You ask, finally easing the tension between you.

"I'm good. I had dinner in Enzo's a while ago.” Steve mumbles.

"Ah, I thought you were a little too dressed up just to come here and get drunk with Eddie. Were you on a date or something?" You question, raising your brows suspiciously at him, trying to ignore the knot forming in your stomach.

"Third one this month." He sighs, taking another sip of beer, completely missing the subtle hint of jealousy that flashes across your face momentarily.

"Wow, three dates huh? You must really like her." You force a smile, taking a drink from your own bottle as he huffs and shakes his head.

"Oh, it wasn't with the same girl. I meant three different dates, all equally terrible though." Steve confesses, a heavy sigh escaping his lips and you hate the relief you feel when you hear him say it.

"You really have been busy, no wonder we haven’t seen you lately." You say sarcastically as Steve remains silent, trying to hold himself back from saying everything he wanted to. He wants to tell you the reason you haven’t seen him is because he’s terrified of his feelings for you. That the reason he's going on so many dates is so he can try and move on from you. He wants to tell you that he’s terrified of ruining his friendships because he can’t stop thinking about you, that he can't stand seeing you with Eddie, because every time he sees his friend kiss you, he wants to punch his lights out, ‘cause you're supposed to be his girl. But he's too fucking late. He missed his chance with you and it's something he's going to have to live with for the rest of his life.

“So, what was so terrible about them?" You ask, turning to face him as he sits back trying to think of how best to answer that question. The only real answer he has to give is that they weren't you and nothing after that really mattered. He plays with the paper wrapped around his bottle, tearing it off bit by bit as you burn a hole through his head, waiting for a response. He's too afraid to look at you, terrified that if he does, it'll give him away and you'll figure it out for yourself, that he's completely and utterly head over heels in love with you.

"I uh, I guess none of them were really for me." He shrugs, keeping his eyes on the carpet below as you gaze at your friend sympathetically, knowing that feeling all too well.

"I'm sure you'll know the one when she comes along, Steve." You reassure, placing your hand on his knee as he lets out a dry laugh.

"I did." He mutters, taking the last sip from the bottle as you stare at him.

"What do you mean you did?" You question, tilting your head as his eyes widen in panic. Shit. He didn't mean for you to hear that, didn't mean to say it out loud. Had the two beers already gone to his fucking head?

"I– I just meant..." He pauses for a moment to look at you, really look at you as he thinks about what to say next. How does he get himself out of this? Should he just tell you the truth? Was now the right time to say it? Was being here alone with you a sign that he should just come out and tell you how he feels? Was it worth taking that risk?

"You're talking about Nancy, right?" You frown, releasing a heavy sigh as he contemplates how to respond. His stomach is sick that you think he still cares for Nancy in that way, he hasn't given her a second thought since you came along and took his breath away but maybe it was better for you to think that instead of him ruining his friendship with you, instead of ruining his friendship with Eddie. Because after all, he'd rather have you in his life as a friend than not have you in it at all. That would truly kill him.

"Yeah, I...I'm talking about Nancy." He lies and your heart sinks all over again.

Of course he's talking about Nancy. Robin had told you all about the girl Steve had been in love with for years during your first shift alone with her at Family Video. How she was the only girl he'd ever loved, how he'd changed his ways for her in High School and how he still wanted a whole brood of mini Harrington's with her even though she’d broken his heart. When you eventually did meet Nancy though, you fully understood what he saw in her. She was beautiful, smart and perfect, everything a guy like Steve Harrington could ever want.

Everything you felt you weren’t.

“Steve, if it’s Nancy you really want, maybe it’s time to just be honest with her?” You suggest, trying to stop yourself from falling to pieces in front of him.

Steve finally lifts his head to lock eyes with yours, your words starting to replay in his mind “maybe it’s time to just be honest with her.”

“How can I tell her how I feel when she’s with somebody else?” He asks, his stomach in knots, his insides twisting as he watches you chew on your bottom lip.

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel the same way about you, maybe she’s just really good at hiding it.” You shrug defeated, as he tries to read your face for an answer to a question that’s kept him up late at night. Could it be possible that you have feelings for him too? That you’ve been just as good at hiding them as he has? Maybe even better?

“You…you think she could feel the same way about me?” He asks, finally sitting up, turning towards you fully.

“I guess there’s really only one way to find out.” You reply, forcing a smile, hoping you don’t look too devastated as you stand up to collect the empty bottles from the coffee table. Needing to remove yourself from this conversation fast.

Just as you reach out to grab the first one, you feel Steve’s warm hand softly wrap around yours, holding you in place as he stares at you petrified.

“Steve, what—”

“It’s not Nancy.” He interrupts, a total look of despair on his face as he takes a deep breath. You’re eyeing him in utter confusion as you take a seat beside him again.

“What do you mean it’s not Nancy? I don’t under—”

“I’m in love with you.” He finally confesses, the words falling from his mouth too fast for him to catch, to hold back and bury deep beneath the surface again and for the first time in months he feels like he can finally breathe again. Unfortunately for Steve, the relief only lasts a couple of seconds as panic sets in and he realises that he's just confessed to loving his best friend's girlfriend.

He’s too afraid to look at your face, terrified of what your reaction will be, so instead, he keeps his eyes glued to the floor, ashamed of himself for putting you in this predicament. He's completely fucked everything up.

“I'm sorry, please don't hate me. The last thing I intended to do tonight was tell you that I love you. Fuck, I didn't even think you'd be here, you weren't supposed to be here! I've just been trying to stay away from you hoping that these stupid feelings would just go away you know? But it's been so hard and I missed you and then I show up here looking for Eddie but then I see you after so long and I just couldn't keep it in any longer, it's been killing me for months." Steve rambles, placing his hands over his face as you sit frozen in silence.

"I think it's probably for the best if I go." He says, standing up to leave you alone, grabbing his keys from the countertop.

"So you just drop a bomb on me like that and think you just get to walk away?" You say, finally finding your voice, rising to your feet.

"I just thought maybe you'd want some space or maybe you'd never want to see me again." Steve shrugs. noticing the utter shock on your face.

"We live in Hawkins Steve, we have the same friends. I don't think never seeing each other again is a realistic option." You state, trying to take everything in. Steve lets out a sigh of relief, happy you haven't immediately jumped to cutting him out of your life yet.

"You said it's been killing you for months, how long is that exactly?" You question, suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. It's an easy answer for Steve as he knows the very moment he fell in love with you.

“Do you remember the day that really nice old man came into the store looking for a copy of Casablanca?" He asks as you nod your head, recalling it instantly. It's something you'd never forget.

The man had come in on an unusually rainy day in the hopes of renting the movie he and his wife had watched together every year on the day of their wedding anniversary. He told you both of his wife's recent passing after a lengthy battle with an illness and how he had decided to bury their copy of the movie with her, so she could still watch it with him wherever she was.

"You took him for coffee on your lunch break that day knowing he was all alone while I looked for the movie in the back. You let him cry and talk about his wife even though you didn't know her. You gave him the time of day that no one else would have and when I found the movie, you told him to keep it and you took a twenty from your own purse to cover the cost. You told him you hoped one day you'd know a love like theirs and I remember thinking... fuck I'm so in love with that girl." Steve smiles, eyes glassy as you too have to wipe away the tears that had fallen down your cheeks.

"He still comes in you know? Asks about you all the time, wonders if I ever made a move. Called me a dumbass when I told him I missed my chance." He jokes, trying to make you smile but somehow the whole thing makes you angry.

"If you felt that way about me then, why didn't you tell me? That was months before I was even with Eddie, Steve!" You challenge, folding your arms as Steve runs a hand through his hair.

"I don't know, the timing just never seemed to be right."

"Oh please, we only worked together almost every day for over a year, we hung out almost every single night." You scoffed, rolling your eyes.

"Well yeah but we were never really alone together. There was always someone else around, Keith, Robin, the kids, Eddie..."

"Come on Steve, those are bullshit excuses and you know it!" You argue as he shakes his head.

"It's not like it matters anyway, I mean, it's not like you felt the same way or anything!" He fights back as you stand silent, hand over your mouth, eyes on the floor.

That's when the penny finally drops for Steve.

"Shit, you did feel the same didn't you? You had feelings for me?" He questions softly as you wrap your arms around yourself, nodding a yes. He's been so blind, so stupid. How didn't he see this? How did you hide it so well?

"It's hardly that shocking, is it? I mean you're Steve Harrington, girls have been falling in love with you your whole life." You joke as Steve remains silent. "I didn't want to like you. Christ, when I started working at Family Video I expected to hate you but you weren't what I thought you'd be. You were funny and kind and caring and god, I saw how those kids worshipped you. It was only a matter of time really." You admitted. " There were times that I thought, 'maybe he likes me too' you know? But then Robin told me all about Nancy, how much you loved her, how you'd changed for her and I thought it was game over for me. She was just so perfect, I mean, how could I ever compete with someone like her?"

"There would never have been a contest, it would have been you every single time." Steve whispers, wanting to reach out for you.

"That's why you left Family Video isn't it? Cause you thought I still loved Nancy?" He asks as you nod again.

"I had to try to get over you."

"Did it work?"

"It doesn't matter Steve." You brush off the question, trying to walk away but he catches your hand gently.

"It matters to me."

"I'm with Eddie now. How I feel about you isn't going to change that." You state as Steve heavily accepts your words, however crushing they might be. He would always respect your decision, caring too much about you and Eddie to deliberately ruin your relationship.

"But if you weren't, and I had asked you out back then, would we be together now?" He asks, wiping the tears from your face. You already know the answer in your heart and you know Steve does too.

"Yeah, I think we would be. I know we would be." You assert as a single tear falls down his cheek. "But I can't do that to Eddie, I can't leave him."

"And I would never ask you to, honey. Fuck, I really messed this up." He sniffs as you shake your head. "We both did, Steve." You cry as he holds you close for several minutes.

"I better get going, I'm sure Munson will be home soon." He sighs, reluctantly letting you go, wishing he could keep you in his arms forever. He once again grabs his keys and heads for the front door as you follow close behind.

"Steve?"

"Hmm?"

"I do by the way, I do still love–" He cuts you off, pressing his lips lightly to yours for a brief moment before pulling away when he feels you kiss back, knowing if he'd waited a second longer, Eddie would arrive home to his best friend making love to his girlfriend.

"Please don't say it." Steve begs closing his eyes. "I'm trying to do the right thing here and walk away, if I hear you say that, I don't think I'll be able to leave without you." He whispers as you cup his face.

"Then you better go now because if you kiss me again, I don't think i'll have the strength to stop myself from going with you." You cry as he nods, exiting the trailer, walking back to his car, giving you one last look as he opens the BMW door. He smiles at you through glassy eyes, both of your hearts breaking as you wonder what could have been. Where does your friendship go from here? How are you supposed to forget about this night? How do you pretend that you aren't utterly and completely in love with each other?

"Goodnight honey."

"Goodnight Steve."

[zootopiathingz]

If you really think about it, the ship where Alastor would be involved in that would most likely be canon so far would be Charlastor.

I mean, he despises Lucifer and sees Vox as not worth his time, so he's not gonna be throwing himself all over them anytime soon. Nearly everyone he interacts with besides the three women he's friends with, he's either indifferent, respectable or hostile to, but towards Charlie? This man has allowed her to touch him without permission, stated multiple times that he has faith in her beliefs and even handed her his source of power. Twice.

I'm aware he's doing all this with some underlying motive, but you can't deny he won't do all this for just anyone. I really can't imagine him all comfortably curled up in Angel's bed or getting handsy with Lucifer (He wipes his hands after touching him, man really doesn't like him at all). I support all ships with Alastor but if we're looking at this at a canon perspective, Alastor interacts with Charlie the most and will continue to interact with her as the show goes on, it's more possible to happen in a sense with Alastor.

Plus with all the romantic cues the show has (Unintentionally?) given so far, with the part where both Charlie and Alastor are laying on the heart shaped pillow but Charlie falls off the bed while Alastor remains on top off it, it seems that there could be a very small possibility that there might be an unrequited crush on Alastor's part.

Yeah, it's a stretch, but hey, he didn't have to lay in that bed. He could have stayed standing, looming over Charlie to show that he might be helping her but he still sees himself as above her and in control of the situation. But! Someone still animated him on that bed! They still animated him on that heart shaped pillow right beside Charlie! They didn't have to, but they still did and my minds still reeling after that fact.

No because you’re absolutely correct here.

Out of any of the characters in the series for Alastor to end up with, if he were to have a romantic subplot of any kind, it would be Charlie. They have the most potential together as a pairing and there have been so many little hints and visual cues that I’m honestly shocked that a romance plot isn’t where their relationship is going.

I genuinely cannot see Alastor ever engaging in anything romantic or physical with Vox or Lucifer in any way. And whenever I say that people like to excuse me of hating gay ships (which I clearly don’t. I am queer, and I love seeing queer ships that actually make sense and have good chemistry, and not just because they’re gay). It’s because he canonly hates men and is much kinder towards women—except for Vaggie lol. Yes, ship Alastor with whoever you want. It’s not my place to tell you if your ship is bad or not. I honestly don’t care because it’s your opinion and as long as you’re having fun with it, that’s all that matters!

But like anon is saying here, if we’re looking at it from a canon viewpoint, let’s think about it. Again, Alastor clearly doesn’t like men and can’t even be bothered to shake Lucifer’s hand without being disgusted. There have been three women who could be potential love interests. First is Mimzy, which I can see there may have been some flirtation here and there in the past, or even an unrequited crush on her part. But with her basically using him to get her out of trouble all the time, I can’t see them going beyond their on-and-off friendship. Then there’s Rosie, who he’s obviously very comfortable around and lets her touch and grab him as she pleases—which he wouldn’t let slide with any male characters in the show. And the Radiorose ship is cute I admit, but to me they’re a pair of gossip buddies who would maybe pretend to be in a relationship if needed, but otherwise their feelings don’t go any further than platonic.

And so that leaves us with Charlie. When I first watched the pilot I absolutely assumed they were going to have some kind of slow burn, not only because the idea of the princess of Hell and this feared Radio Demon falling for each other is so intriguing, but generally just the way they acted with each other. In like a span of eight minutes they were happily dancing together, with Alastor calling her one of a kind, tossing her around and making improvements to her dream hotel.

You can imagine how surprised I was when I found out they weren’t canon and weren’t going to be in the actual show. Like, I was legit going “🤨🤨🤨” and this was before I was even in the fandom lmao

And thank you so much for mentioning that scene in her bedroom because…

What is this. What do you mean the mfs making this show drew out this scene, carefully looked at every detail for the final product, and went “yup👍” if there wasn’t supposed to be something more going on here???

Like seriously if you’ve never watched this episode and you saw these two frames, what exactly would you assume is going on here? Be honest with me

But ya know, charlastor “isn’t canon” (so they say🙄) so the animators here were def trolling us lol

[azquine]

Can I get something on the JoanFK tag that ISN'T just complaining? It is ok to be feeling shit that things went badly in the show, but do you have to tag that negativity on the ship? The negativity is all that there is to see whenever I try to interact with the show and it's making me feel horrible.

I've been in far worse fandoms, and they didn't make me feel this bad.

It all feels so puritanical, like you have forgotten what a teen drama parody entails. Did you forget that they were ALL assholes in the first season who backstabbed and did shitty things to eachother for their own selfish gain? You are applying pretty strict rules of morality onto characters who intrinsically must break those rules to allow the narratives of their genre to move.

This was a short kiss, the result of feelings that JFK and Harriet had actively been trying to avoid for the sake of Joan. This could have been resolved by open communication, but that's not how either drama shows OR stupid hormonal teens work. After making this mistake, they did the most responsible and moral thing they could have and confessed it literally within the same episode as soon as Joan would not, you know, DIE as a result.

All things considered, it wasn't a secret relationship, it wasn't sex, it wasn't a long term secret held until it accidentally spills out and ruins everything. It could have been SO much worse, it was none of my worst fears, and I'm honestly relieved a kiss was where it stopped. And I am also really glad they confessed to quickly because I HATE liar revealed plots more than ANYTHING and I probably would have stopped watching. If they were going to do this plotline it was the best case scenario for me.

And do you know what is even better? What should be the bare minimum but is actually pretty rare in dramas from my experience? Neither of them tried to mitigate Joan's reaction, to say she was overreacting or to dance around the issue to make it sound better beyond a truthful 'we felt nothing'. Joan was allowed the space to fully process the information and her emotions, even if through a montage. And damn I wish I saw that more often.

As for those saying JFK would need a redemption for what he has done- does being open and honest about his wrongdoings not do that pretty succinctly? Beyond having not done it at all what else do you want? Pretty puritanical to want him to suffer before he can be forgiven.

And granted, Harriet got plenty of unjustified hate before she had even done anything, but post-kiss most of the discussion and anger I have seen has been directed solely at JFK. Harriet was part of that kiss too, knowingly going against her friend. Why is the romantic relationship deemed worse to betray? Both of them did a stupid thing together, and fixed it together.

And I'm not saying Joan putting all the consequence on Abe is justified, he didn't do shit wrong either, he tried to keep his friend alive in a tricky situation.

All of your feelings are valid, and I do see why the dominant opinion is what it is. Cheating is an awful thing to do and you should not be with someone you do not trust, I cannot refute that.

Yet at the same time, I felt it was important to put forward some differing points that I had been having. This show will not be enjoyable if we hold a position of being negative and moralistic. To some extent there has to be an acceptance that this is a fiction and moral failings are often part of a narrative structure.

(And while many of you have legitimate critiques on the execution of the show, it feels like some of you are taking the 'thing done badly because I don't like it' route)

I really hope nobody takes this as me trying to enforce cheating or to say that JFK and Harriet kissing was ok. It was shitty of them to do in the first place, but they are not morally irredeemable. Teen do stupid bad thing is not new. I'm also not interested in having an argument over this, I get caught up far too easily in that so I won't be answering any replies or asks. It is fine if you disagree, I'm here to propose a counterpoint.

Sorry if this was repetitive or lengthy. It just felt like I had to get it out there despite it being the early hours of the morning.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, hope you’re having a good summer break. I’m an intp who’s probably been overcompensating for and overworking Fe, and I don’t really know how to ask for help.

I feel like I’ve come a long way in terms of emotional intelligence since my teenage years - mostly stopped feeling worthless, more action and task-oriented, reaching out to make new friends and care for close ones, and they’ve responded by saying I’m much more understanding and emotionally stable now, even coming off as extroverted - but it doesn’t keep me from feeling lonely. I’ve spoken with friends about feeling sad and unsupported, they would respond by saying they understand, but truth is I barely feel the connection. I’m happy for their company, they just don’t seem able to share my burdens, which are objectively my own. It feels like I’ve overworked myself so now my psyche is demanding that someone else take care of my emotions instead of me doing the work myself. A very subjective internal temper tantrum.

With my infp partner, I’m in this loop where I can sense she’s sad/anxious/unfulfilled, she wouldn’t talk about it because she couldn’t put it into words and also doesn’t feel the need to do so either, I could either try to cheer her up or accept that she’s in her own emotional state and simply wants company. I know and she confirmed that she’s lost interest in many of our common hobbies, but will feel sad if I pull myself away from her for alternative stimulation. But I need stimulation even if she doesn’t. I’ve expressed that simply sharing some of her life and thoughts takes a huge weight off my chest, I love hearing from her, but she insists there simply isn’t any event or thought she could share. I can talk, and she will respond happily. It’s just so draining especially since we’re long distance right now and can only communicate in words. It almost feels easier if I could just be obliviously content to talk to her about anything like I was several years ago.

I’m hoping that taking a vacation from work and study to go home will help me focus more on the things I love (reading, drawing, creating and experiencing life in ways that stimulate my brain) although it does mean a lot more time spent staying with family and other new social circles as well, which could also be a mixed bag.

--------------------

When you're in touch with Fe, it makes you more aware of your emotional needs. This is not a bad thing, but it can be a hard thing when you haven't yet learned the best ways to fulfill them. You say your self-worth has improved, which I take to mean that you see your emotional/social needs as legitimate and yourself as deserving of support? Believing you deserve love is the first step for many people.

Because Fe is the inferior function, it's safer to get to it through the auxiliary function whenever possible. For example, using Ne, are you able to visualize the ideal social interaction/communication/relationship that would help you feel more supported and loved? If you were granted control over other people for a short time, what would you make them do to better fulfill your needs? This visualization might give you a more precise idea of what you ought to be requesting of the people around you.

You seem to be implying that this romantic relationship is putting you in a difficult position of having to choose between you and her? I don't think that's the case. While I agree it is sad to feel forced to seek stimulation outside the relationship, a healthy romantic relationship should allow space for such a move. It is unhealthy to believe that one person can/should satisfy your every need. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Healthy couples should be able to live satisfying lives together... and apart.

I think a good way of looking at the situation is you have a need but she, for whatever reason, isn't capable of fulfilling it. It's nobody's fault but just the reality of the situation. It sounds like she's not as emotionally available as you would like, or not in the way you would like. Maybe when you first met, you didn't realize you needed emotional availability, but now you do. This doesn't mean the relationship has to end, though choosing a new partner better suited to your needs is always an option. When the things that brought you together no longer work to keep you together, then you have to find some other way to remain bonded. Relationships can evolve over time. You also need to come to an agreement that it's okay to get some of your needs fulfilled outside of the relationship. Be honest and transparent about every move.

It sounds like you've imposed an obstacle on yourself and now feel stuck because you really want it to be her to fulfill this need of yours. The fact is, no matter how much you want it, it isn't her. Face the fact and move forward accordingly. Grant yourself permission to take proper care of yourself.

[itsdappleagain]

actually rounding out all of team red now too, player, zack, and shadowsan for the character asks?

SWEET! thank you sm!

player

How I feel about this character: he's good! i dont hate him but i dont love him. he's cool. fic writers make him so much better tbh. im often frustrated by him because im trying to put carmen in dire situations but i have to figure out how to keep him out of them loll

All the people I ship romantically with this character: uhhh no one i dont think. i thought that one girl in his classroom who smiled at him was funny. and didnt people ship him with that icelandic kid that gray stopped from getting hit by a car??? that was hilarious we should bring that back

My non-romantic OTP for this character: OKAY i already said this on my chase post but him and chase. they have such a dynamic i cannot even explain it because i think im one of the only people who's even touched it but they're so,,, chase can be his dad okay??? also of course him and carmen are a staple

My unpopular opinion about this character: should have put him in more Situations

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: should have put him in more Situations idk what to say

zack

How I feel about this character: he's a very sweet character but i am more often annoyed at him. whenever the writers try to give him an episode its more like a "look what zack has fucked up this time" episode. ivy got the stockholm caper to take charge, which was so cool. zack got...the duke of vermeer caper?? the one where he fucked up the exchange so bad by opening the door to dash that he had to fix it? or maybe the dubai caper, where he was told to steal a car and his petty grudge made him so hateful that he got himself and ivy arrested?? his character deserved sooo much better than annoying comedic relief driver

All the people I ship romantically with this character: hey whatever ship comes along is good yknow? haberzackary. uh. who else do people ship him with?? idk haberzackary was cool when it was super popular. i dont think of him as a super romantic type though. even though he's technically the only character in carmen sandiego to have ever canonically written in the script played out flirted with someone. and she turned out to be a vile op lmaoo

My non-romantic OTP for this character: i think him and chase are funny in a hypothetical situation where they interact. they're both drivers but one is much worse than the other. also zack and mime bomb thank you mangokat

My unpopular opinion about this character: i think i've already stated quite a few above. i have so many plans for him. so many fic ideas

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: literally give him anything interesting or not annoying PLEASE.

shadowsan

How I feel about this character: BEST CHARACTER IN THE SHOW OKAY HE'S DADOWSAN!!!!!!

All the people I ship romantically with this character: WHOO not many!! lady dokuso but ONLY so they can be divorced because thats so much funnier to me. i also kind of like him and chief a little? but more as a good friends ship so hang on

My non-romantic OTP for this character: okay him and chief. i am inhaling their potential for a relationship. they were both sent for dexter wolfe that night. shadow-san was supposed to kill him and tamara wasn't but their roles ended up reversed. their actions that night are irreversibly tangled with carmen's entire story. they both were promoted that night because of what happened- tamara to chief, shadow-san to faculty. do you see??? do you see how tangled up in everyone's stories and each other's they are??? shadow-san owes chief a coffee,, also carmen. she is his daughter. they are family

My unpopular opinion about this character: really honestly don't have any OH WAIT NO okay he shouldn't have done that to poor zack okay. just knocked him out like that. he was doing his best

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: writers were so cowardly for breaking his leg in s4 to ground him. absolutely not thank you

[theharrowing]

Lol I know it’s not your story that triggers this in me but maybe my insecurities

But whenever I read the namgi threesome w mc I just can’t but feel she’s out of place? When Namjoon expresses how badly he wants to fuck her or when Yoongi shows interest during sex… I feel it’s all fake? That lowkey they actually don’t want her and she’s only there to fulfil a role but that they ONLY want each others. Like it’s a chore and obligation to fuck her when in fact they aren’t attracted to her.

I know it’s so sad to think like this but I’ve had far too many poly threesomes where it left me scarred. By people that made it very clear I was unwanted. So I’m sorry but fuck is this story hot. It just I can’t but cry whenever there’s any Namgi-mc scene and reminisce those old bitter days

I’m so sorry I feel so bad

hello, good morning, anon! 😴

i’m a little sleepyhead but i wanted to respond to this right away. this feeling is valid and relatable. i have definitely been in situations where it felt like i didn’t quite fit. or where it seemed like someone else didn’t quite fit. that’s rough, and it’s a feeling that’s not easy to shake.

i actually don’t really do poly irl anymore because i have found it doesn’t work well enough for me to keep trying. sadly, i have seen “trying the lifestyle” as an excuse to do things with others and without the communication and boundaries necessary to make it work, and it has blow up in a lot of faces. and that isn’t to say it’s always this way! i know plenty of folks who make it work and it’s lovely. communication is so, so, so important and sometimes people miss that, or they get too caught up in the moment to unpack their feelings (especially when the situation is more sexual than romantic.) i have too many trust issues to deal with a bitch who communicates poorly lmaooo.

SO ALL THAT BEING SAID, don’t apologize. you have no reason to feel sorry for feeling this way. it’s a trauma that has made a dent in your heart and it is hard to navigate media without feeling the impression of that dent. there’s nothing to be sorry about. we all have that thing. i have so many things haha.

in terms of namjoon and yoongi and mc in the collateral universe…the two of them do care about her and it’s definitely not fake, but they will always love each other the most. and part of mc’s hesitance when topics of love the future comes up (aside from so many things) is that she knows that. it was pretty clear from chapter 10 when Namjoon plops his toothbrush down by hers and she has feelings of, oh……he’s always been at home here and i’m still not. and this is definitely something that will continue to weigh on her mind. but i think, of the two of them, Namjoon is trying the hardest to actually make her feel like a member of that trio, and he’s being genuine. they watched her for a long time before bringing her into the house, so the attraction is there. but she will never be as important to Namjoon as Yoongi is, and……Yoongi’s feelings and priorities are complicated. i can’t say much more than that.

we’ll see how the story plays out! it may not quite go the way you expect it to. but i hope you keep an open mind and know that your feelings are valid, and don’t feel bad about it. 💜💜💜 thanks for sharing your thoughts!!!

[holidaybrews]

Babe go in detail about your feelings on all the popular ships just for giggles

OH MY GOD ABSOLUTELY

Sonadow:

Obvious number one

Nothing comes close to sonadow in my books it’s just so tragically ironic and beautiful and they are meant for each other.

Sonic literally is the representation of everything Maria wanted for Shadow to be, and Shadow learns so much about being alive from him

For Sonic it’s like Shadow is the only one that can keep up with him. They’re equal in speed and everything they do, and that just makes interacting and being with him so fulfilling for him.

They are so perfect for each other it’s so good

Sonamy:

I personally just don’t vibe with sonamy.

There isn’t anything inherently bad about it but I just feel like whenever Sonic is put into a “romantic” situation with her it’s so uncomfortable and out of character.

Amy also used to push herself onto him despite him obviously not being interested and in most cases he was uncomfortable. I know at that point they were younger and stuff but it still just feels so forced to me.

I want Amy to be with someone that loves her fully for who she is and what she can provide to them, and that’s just not Sonic for her.

Sonic can’t provide that for her, and that’s not his fault, and it’s not her fault either. They just aren’t right for each other in my books.

Knuxouge:

This is honestly one of the more “canon” ships in the franchise and I’m honestly here for it.

Rouge tests Knuckles’ patience on so many levels. She lives a life that Knuckles can’t see himself living, and that’s what makes them so funny and lovable to see.

Knuckles is this big tough guy who’s stoic and strong until Rouge shows up and he’s just so flustered with her. It’s literally so fucking cute and they make me smile so much.

They have so much in common and so little at the same time and it’s so funny.

Shadamy:

Kinda the same reasons why I don’t like sonamy except Shadow just would not be able to handle her HAHAHAHA

Silvaze:

I think they’d be pretty cute together but it just wouldn’t work, I think she’s got more of a mom friend energy to him.

I prefer Silver with Espio because you know how much I love imagining Silver interacting with the Chaotix along with how Espio compliments Silver in terms of being able to help calm him when he’s having an episode.

Sonknux:

I like them :) I love how cute they are interacting with each other

(Of course I’m kind of a solo-shipper in terms of certain characters) HOWEVER, I think they’d be much cuter in the boom universe together.

Like I said, I’m usually a solo-shipper so I prefer sonadow in both universes BUT I think they’re cute and I like to have my sonknux fix once in a while.

Blazamy:

Honestly these two are so cute and I love seeing art of them :)

I think this is another instance where Amy might just be too much for her though. I think Amy needs someone as sporadic as her to keep her steady, of course that’s not a problem but that’s just my opinion! I prefer seeing Amy with Surge because Surge is insane and Amy needs someone where she can go “I can fix her” and not “she doesn’t need fixing and I feel like I’m too much” if that makes sense at all.

[ghetsis]

20, 21, 29, and 30!

various topics (open) 20. smut

I got out of writing smut a long time ago. I'm ace, so it's not really my thing and my current muses are terminally unfuckable anyway. thankfully, it seems like the Poke RPC isn't as smut obsessed as other fandoms I've been in, but I don't know if that's the nature of this RPC or the current trend of the tumblr RPC as a whole. back in the day, it felt like smut and shipping was all anyone cared about. it still kind of feels like un-shippable muses are a bit harder to gain traction with, but it's not as bad as it was.

21. violent threads

violence... V I O L E N C E. god I love violent threads, but they can be so tough to write with Ghetsis. he's generally a "psychological warfare first" and "violence second" kind of guy, but also I tend to be so cautious with violent threads because it's very easy to get OP or godmoddy when you have a powerful villain. it can be hard for me to gauge if someone wants their muse to get fucked up and how bad. I know that generally people with bratty muses want them to get smacked down when they poke a villain, but Ghetsis can and will beat someone within an inch of their life for crossing him and it's hard to know if other people want or are ready for that.

29. your first muse

lol my first muse was a self insert for a webcomic called Romantically Apocalyptic, but they were so different from me, it's hard to really call them a self insert. I think most people's first muses are self inserts because that's what's easiest to write when you're learning the ropes of RP. I didn't even know the RA fandom was a RPC at the time lol. I just saw other people making what I assumed were 'sonas and joined in lol.

30. blocking

I was just talking about it this morning that it sucks that we have to paint so many situations with the same blocking brush. there's no way for me to tell if someone blocked me because Ghetsis is triggering, they're just not interested, someone's talking shit about me behind my back or if they just hate me personally. it all looks the same and I know that's how it looks to the people I block even though it's generally not personal when I block someone.

I have it in my rules that I want people to hard block me if they're not interested in RPing with me (for any reason) or if they ship nasty stuff, but getting blocked by someone, especially if I don't even know who they are can still be like ????

that said, everyone has the right to block whoever, whenever for whatever reason is necessary to curate their online experience, I just wish we had a more sophisticated way of doing that.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I don't a hundred percent think it's valid to call myself traumatized by the clinical neglect and possible gaslighting I went through since I was a child but also I know denial is a thing tm

When I was young, like really little like seven or so, I was misdiagnosed, so I was given the wrong meds for eleven years that once even interacted with antibiotics and nearly killed me, other kids didn't exactly like hanging out with the kid that talked about going to psychiatrists on the weekly and to a therapist after school, I used to think if I couldn't buy my meds and take them everyday I'd just idk blow up or something, worst of all the incongruence of having the wrong label on me and going through all the shame and ableism without the treatment part made me start gaslighting myself, I never felt suicidal but it was like everyone else expected me to be and somewhere a long the way I was just expecting to die young anyway even if I had anxiety attacks whenever I read about the statistics and never really pictured any way in which it could happen I'd just think of how little people would mourn me and say fuck them I'll be here for as long as I can just to prove them wrong while still expecting to lose some kind of abstract fight that people projected on me

Now I got the right diagnosis and it is such a better fit, the pandemic made it really easy to test with certainty where my brain would go if left by itself and it was stability like I was told I could never attain. Since then I'm happy I'm thriving every self esteem issue I used to have is gone every guilt over expenses I used to feel is gone I have a solid support system and it's been that way for a couple years now

I just see the effects still linger in some small things. I still don't drink when my friends do even if I know it wouldn't actually mess me up that bad, I don't really know how to begin imagining a future past thirty or so for myself and changed career paths already due to it, I never thought I could have any romantic relationships despite wanting to until now and I find myself so scared something will happen to me and I'll die a virgin, people that grew up around me still show up sometimes via mutual friends or social media or attending the same college and I so desperately wish I could explain myself or that they could know me for who I actually am because I'm also curious about them in all honesty but I know in their minds I'm just the poor crazy kid and there's no way to suddenly approach them without reinforcing that, me and my classmates needed the institution to intervene in our class the other day and they sent us directly to a therapist to explain the situation and it wasn't even about me and I wasn't even alone but being there again after so many school counselors office that did the opposite of helping me I couldn't look the guy in the face even when he wasn't an old white dude and actually helped us it still left me unresponsive and jumpy when someone else I barely know got too close and needing to hang on to a friend's arm and I got dizzy and had my thoughts on loop for hours and barely got home being able to properly speak again and I kept shortly saying I was fine and trying to steer away from the others (which I never do) just because attention at that moment would be awful

And I still think it was just me trying to fool myself into making my existence more interesting than it is, like a kid pretending to be a tragic tortured soul, like I was acting out so all my friends there would pity me despite the fact I usually hate being looked at like a fragile little thing that needs help

It's difficult for me to believe the doctor would be stupid to the point of not noticing every atypical factor in matching me to that first diagnosis, the age especially, but also pretty much everything about my personality, he was either fucking arrogant enough to believe he molded me into "one of the good ones" or he did it on purpose because it's easy money when you lie to family so they think they'll have to go to you forever. I moved out of my parents as I cut contact with him and I still remember how invested he seemed in vetoing my decision and insisting that leaving me alone was a terrible idea like he never wanted me to be independent and if we asked I'm sure he'd make it seem perfectly sound and well intentioned

My mom still says I should understand they were doing their best with what they knew, that it's not their fault gender discrimination is a thing that may have weighted in favor of the wrong diagnosis in the past (even if they show no indication of growing out of those views), and wanted to help and worst of all she said that I should be grateful. I don't want to be grateful I want to stay spiteful and never have to talk to someone that looks at me like that again

I'm thinking of changing therapists to one that shares my neurodivergence and understands this stuff, part of me thinks I should work on this repulsion of being a patient and giving someone authority over my mental wellbeing ever again, and another part want to cut the cost entirely, glad to be bitter and dodgy of medical professionals forever as petty as the reason I have for it may be

I mean this in the nicest most genuine way I can but I don't know how I'll feel reading a copy paste you're valid response either It'll probably just reinforce me thinking I'm full of shit and trying to feel special if I had to guess

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through.

I can see how this misdiagnosis has had a huge effect on you, not only your social life but how you feel about yourself. I'm so glad you were eventually able to get the correct diagnosis, that must be so relieving. But of course I can also see how this diagnosis doesn't undo the effects of the misdiagnosis, and how there's still things you're struggling with. Particularly, with growing up not expecting to live long, it may feel unfamiliar or overwhelming to think much farther ahead in your life, or even know what to expect.

I also understand that want to be closer to the people in your life, and to not only feel like you know them on an intimate level but that they can truly know who you are, what you've been through, and how those past experiences shape the person you are today.

I feel that if you believe your friends think you're crazy, then perhaps you deserve some new friends. You deserve friends who are patient and understanding, especially after what you've been through. I can also see how your mom's outlook on the situation is damaging to you, as she seems to be trying to justify things that don't need to be justified.

It makes sense why you may want to change therapists, it can be good to have someone who understands your experiences more personally and can thus answer you from a more accurate angle. But I also understand why you may be hesitant about trying, because you've had negative experiences with medical professionals.

The thing is that trauma is defined not by what happened, but by how you responded to it psychologically. In other words, if you feel traumatized by what happened, then it's trauma. It does matter what happened, but it doesn't determine whether or not you're "allowed" to be traumatized.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[brujamala-aka-gigi]

a tarot reading just in case you need to remember this: it's okay to be a bitch.

we all know good vibes, kindness and empathy are amazing traits and etc BUT... there's shitty people who don't deserve that and some of us can't pretend like we are not full of anger. "negative" emotions are just as valid as "positive" ones, they contribute to our growth and our character, and they also keep us same from further harm.

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

pick a pile and let's find out what type of "bitch" behavior can bring something good to your life.

MASTERPOST & PAID SERVICES

xoxo gigi <3

images from pinterest and dividers by @ithemes 

plz excuse the shit quality pictures of the cards, i'm working on that but i didn't realize how bad they were until i uploaded them :(

btw I'm doing a poll so you can pick a day when its convenient for you and me to do an ask game on here, answer some questions with my tarots and give away readings from my menu.

Pile Number One

Hello there! So, the cards on this reading are mostly “positive” if we take a superficial approach, and ignore the prompt of this reading. What I see here is that, although there’s a sense of brightness, joy and enthusiasm that is typically associated with your identity, there’s a lot of your inner world that it’s not getting any chances to be manifested into your daily life. I think many people assume you are happier than you actually feel, and many people think the joys and blessings of your life came to you out of nowhere, they think you’re naturally successful, when in reality you are quite the hard worker. Nobody likes to be realistic in the struggle to achieve anything, so it's understandable to some extent that people are not seeing the actual strength and patience that it took you to be where you are. 

Personally, I think that sometimes it’s really hard to fight back against misconceptions on how hard do we actually have to work in order to get something, it’s even harder when people don’t allow you to express anger, and belittle any feeling that it’s not as comfortable to be around as your usual “good vibes”. You are the type of person who everyone is too lazy to understand beyond their own romantic ideas of you. Don’t let others dehumanize you like that, you are a person, not a secondary character in someone’s love life, or the sweet innocent sidekick, or the girl next door, or whatever. Embrace everything that makes you complex and misunderstood, as these are the things that will bring you closer to people who are actually interested in your true self. 

But, there’s absolutely nothing wrong if you’re being strategic about who gets to see your most genuine version and who doesn’t. I see a lot of prosperity for you in the future, and you might not be able to appreciate this now, but your career choices will make you quite happy eventually. Take a lot of time to reflect on the people you want to keep around you, trust your intuition and prioritize your mental health, don’t be afraid to communicate your emotions in ways that others might find uncomfortable, in the worst case, by doing this you will find out who actually deserves your time and energy. And please, don’t fall for the first person who shows any kind of romantic interest, this is not a great moment for you to deal with a relationship, as there’s some emotional work to do first. Be persistent with how you take care of yourself, be patient and kind to you in the same way you are with others. 

Pile Number Two

What I’m seeing a lot on these cards is a lack of closure and proper communication about it. I’m not necessarily talking about a situation that hasn’t been settled yet, but more so about the fact that you are able to perceive things deeper than the average person and whenever you can, you do go ahead and take the actions necessary in order to get things going in the way you know best. You are someone who moves quickly and efficiently, but others who are more dogmatic in their ways are beginning to find issue with this, forcing you to conform to spaces where everyone knows you are too overqualified to be in. 

I don’t think you are someone who is submissive or someone who allows people to walk all over you, but I see that you’re trying to find less conflictive approaches to issues and situations that you are used to solving in more explosive ways. Behaving in a more “diplomatic” or “assertive” way is not exactly what works for you, but at this point it is necessary that you learn to tolerate being put in this position. I don’t see you losing your values or your ideals, not even your personal strength. But I am concerned that you might be doubting yourself with things that are so bonded to your nature that you haven’t even thought twice about so far, and rightly so! You’re lucky that your determination and passionate ways, even when proving an inconvenience to others who don’t get it, has been channeled in such proactive ways. 

At this point, all I can tell you is that whenever you are being forced to remain in stagnation due to self doubt, you shouldn't attribute this to your lack of will to stick to norms and traditions, but more so, this situations happen because people around you need to catch up with what you already saw and processed. This means that many times you will have to choose between waiting or moving on by yourself. Be strategic about this, and always make sure that there are comfortable places for when you need to reflect and relax. Yes, many things have gone right for you by moving impulsively and following your gut, but imagine how much more you could accomplish if you took some time to plan. 

There’s nothing wrong with your creativity thriving in chaotic environments, there’s nothing wrong with being confrontational and hot headed, absolutely nothing bad about being perceived as hot headed and impulsive… just be more mindful on how to channel these parts of yourself. 

Pile Number 3

Okay, this is a complex set of cards for a complex and sensitive person.  What I'm seeing here is this sort of nostalgia other people have for a version of you that was painful to live for yourself. I think plenty of people were feeling too comfortable with you when you were not on top of your game or working towards your own personal happiness. I feel like you are now beginning to find new ways of questioning and deconstructing ideas and actions that are no longer serving your deeper desires, and you are sharing this with people who are not willing to join you in this path, while also alienating you from your own power to manifest into existence the person you want to become. 

As you are beginning to move away from spaces of comfort that were designed for a weakened version of yourself, you will realize there’s plenty of facades and deceitful half truths. It’s a shame that all you have during this moment is your own emotional intelligence and a well justified sense of hope, nobody should face things like this on their own. But being realistic, solitude is a strength in your case, and you will soon find out that this journey was meant to give you consciousness about the powers and strength, many have tried to hide from you in order for them to keep the spotlight. 

Don’t let others force you into being someone who is only an ornament or a tool for keeping a facade. Even if you are naturally generous, kind, empathetic, and altruistic, it’s not a betrayal of those values to focus on growing outside places that don’t deserve all your sensitivity. This is a moment where you will find plenty of personal characteristics that many have ignored or belittled, cultivate those and nurture your ability to exist on your own terms. You have more control than you think, and far more tools than you imagine. It takes bravery and intellect to take the steps you are taking into finding new ways of being yourself, while also being celebrated and respected. 

Always remember that many times, others will make you believe something crucial to you is a defect, or a disadvantage, but it’s up to you if you’re taking into consideration the thoughts of someone who doesn’t know why you are who you are, and who you are trying to be. (You shouldn't).

[xoteajays]

Exactly. Something about the DTC boys will always want to say things horrible things about people that I normally wouldn't. Which is saying a lot from me.

They're stupid. And they're stupid in a bad way, not the good way either. Which makes me hate them.

Kizzy and Kaito shouldn't even be the only romantic couple. Everyone needs love! She'll help Rocky with trying to impress this girl, and she might help other people who want to be in relationships. She really is a matchmaker. And nosy matchmaker at that too.

Rocky has the cool older brother vibe that everyone wants to be around, Kaito's the quiet middle sibling, and Kizzy's the mischievous younger sister who just gets into trouble whenever the boys are not around.

~

I don't have any visual boards for my characters, so the best outcome I can do is their actual pictures or videos of the people who happen to be face claims.

I'm still figuring them out. I know, I know.. I keep on saying that. I'm basically a broken record right now.

A tomboy punk who enjoys creating fashion for any person who would want their own clothing made by someone like her. Someone who seems actually like the most authentic person they have met whenever it's about expressing yourself through appearances.

Exactly! Like regardless of the relationship between Orange and Cobra, friends or lovers, people already assume they were together because they do a lot of things like this. Buying twice as much food, sharing the food. Since they have their sweet tooths. Junko is always jealous when Orange is involved, because she's has some weirdly possessive crush on Cobra.. She's weird. So there's probably going be some one sided rivalry between Orange and Junko over him.

When it comes to shows and movies, these girls are definitely going to enjoy what interests them so any languages aren't a problem when it comes to media they want to watch. Foreign movies have suspense, they need that suspense when they're watching.

Girl From Nowhere. Is that the one that reminds me of Tomie by Junji Ito? I know it's not, but that's what the main female reminds of. From what I have seen. But I've only watched the trailers, not the show.

That might have been a thought. Since Kuryu really seems like the type of men who are very traditional, they would rather keep the males of the family in on the yakuza family business. And only have keep any females involved to a minimum. Unless you happen to be Ryuko's father. I am only basing this on what I can see from another rewatch. There's not so many, or any, women in Kuryu besides wives or daughters - if they're daughters. But that was definitely one of the thoughts I had for her too. I am slowly watching the movies again so I'll see what ideas come from it by then, for all three of the color coded characters.

I don't blame her. One parent abandons you, for you to be stuck with the other most abusive parent. So.. I don't blame her for rejecting her if that's how you'd get them reunited. I'm curious how that turns out.

I might have to search Yeule.. The only pictures that I have seen of her were the pictures you had posted on here. But I can what you mean. There is only bits piece of her style that would fit your own character.

Definitely. Always save your favorite pieces to these things, especially if those would be your treasures. I can say that I'm easily attached to objects that I will care about. So I might be a bit sentimental that way though.. That's just me. But everyone is different.

That also makes sense. She'll wear any shoes that is able to fix, and if there's only one shoe just because she only needs one shoe. That doesn't surprise me.

~

Exactly. Mother and daughter weren't in an abusive family, the father died. They both cared about him... And is why they felt like they were betraying him - if they moved on to someone new. So I understand all of that. But Koo will only actually get involved if this situation escalates more than it was necessary. And I can imagine Koo will break Dan's legs next time he sees in the SWORD towns after ruining his vacation though, they ruined his relaxing time so his newest hobby to relax is by breaking Dan's legs this time.

Now I'm just imagining a conversation that includes my characters, and maybe even yours too, about all these characters either got injured or died because they pissed off the yakuza. And I could imagine one of them making a comment like that, in that way. I'll seriously never stop laughing at the comment now.

~

I've been hearing different rumors about him being the one forcing the abortion. Regardless, if that is a true situation, that is completely fucked up to me.

And exactly. I am strict about loyalty. Which is why I never have relationships that last. I don't know him.. I don't know him, or the situation, and anything else in this entire situation. But if you're truly unhappy in a relationship, just break up or divorce them, then it would be fine to get in a whole new relationship any time after that. Why cheat on the person? Seriously.

Fuck him up, Rocky!

Exactly. Hyuga doesn't care what anyone does with anything.. If it doesn't involve him, he does not care to know about it. They are forced to drink water and eat food so none get sick, like alcohol poisoning is a illnesses that the older Daruma trying to prevent.

Damn. Rocky can never catch a break when Kizzy is around.. She is like his sister. She torments him way too much. She enjoys blackmailing him too much.

Really? That's fine. I'm used to it though... There are so many people I know who are smokers, whether it is cigarettes to marijuana. I can tolerant marijuana a lot of the time, but not any other drugs. But I do not smoke at all. They can smoke, but I'm not smoking.

Then what are you going to do for those characters who smoke? Not trying to cause conflict. I'm just so curious on how you would write their characters.

But I get the asthma though. I never had asthma, at least I don't think I ever did. But I understand why in your situation though. So I can't blame you for that.

I might have watched the trailer for The Glory, since I remember seeing show listed on Netflix. Maybe I'll watch the trailer again to see if I'd watch the show.

~

Laws in Asian countries are much stricter than in all the other countries from what I understand, at least strict than western countries (like America, Europe, Australia). They're even stricter about drugs, not so sure about alcohol though. But yes.. I won't get into details. But there is a Japanese band that I listen to, this was years ago, but they had to go on hiatus the time their new guitarist got arrested for possessing marijuana but now he's been replaced by these new guitarists who are a lot better. So maybe I'm biased.

I'll summarize what happened with the actress.

"In May 2022, she was driving under the influence around 8:00 am. She crashed into several structures including transformers, guard rails and street trees. In the crash, the transformer broke down, and the electricity supply was cut off for about 3 hours at 57 places including nearby shops, causing damage to merchants."

But yeah. Maybe I'm being selfish. But why would a person, a celebrity of all people, do something even stupider while they're in production of working on a project. I know, I know.. Celebrites are really people too. But they should never be doing things like this.

h&l needed more romance. i know it had a big action and friendship lean, but i wanted the romance aspect too! eight movies and i didn’t get one kiss scene? not even between the literal one couple in the series? robbed!

~

i need a visual board in addition to notes. it just helps me figure them out. i don’t know how i’d do it without having a bunch of pictures to gather vibes.

junko is pretty weird. it’s a shame h&l didn’t actually develop the strawberry girls beyond being romance obsessed because they could’ve been so cool. the only really ‘cool’ thing was the girls watching over the fights to report back, especially in the ranmaru fight so that sannoh knew to go in and help rocky.

also not to be on my marco/cosette nonsense but i was rewatching the end of sky fight scene to make sure the twintowers were actually there, and there’s a scene during the rascals’ scatter where marco rescues cosette from being beat up and helps him get up to run away. they’re boyfriends~.

girl from nowhere does have a bit of a tomie vibe. it’s an anthology series with different stories every episode but following the same main character, nanno. it’s really fun.

well, even ryuko’s dad keeps her involvement to a minimum, she was a marriage prospect to the other leaders’ sons and would serve drinks and then be shooed away while the ‘men talked business’ (she still managed to overhear some stuff).

i had an idea that she figured out how to fight because of the cruelty of her father’s assassins. they’d pit her against newbies because if they ‘couldn’t beat this little girl’ then they wouldn’t make it in the minamoto sect. her father didn’t really notice the extra bruises since he was already beating her and then ignoring her.

definitely doesn’t turn out well. ryuko yells at her mother and tells her she doesn’t want - or need - her in her life. then just leaves before her mother can get a word in because she doesn’t want to hear it. murayama and hyuga - separately - talk to her about it later.

hinami has a little collection of stuff that she’s gathered up over the years. there’s a couple ohajiki pieces that she really likes and keeps in her room. i imagine she has a few vintage toys and things that she’s collected while digging through the junk around nameless. she probably has a few vintage kewpie dolls.

~

bleugh. true or not, in general, having an affair and then forcing your affair partner to get rid of the pregnancy, it’s shitty. just get divorced! or just don’t cheat!

so long as nobody on his team’s dying, hyuga doesn’t care. besides, if anything bad does happen, he probably depends on kato to deal with it.

i’m not pushy about people not smoking, weed or cigarettes, i’m just not going to be around it. when my friends would smoke, they’d go outside and i’d stay inside and they never tried to force me to participate (because they’re decent people). it’s just something that i’m not comfortable with.

usually when it comes to characters that smoke i just … ignore it. i can usually get away without ever having to mention it.

~

that’s so shitty. i’m glad it seems like no one was seriously hurt, but that sucks for the merchants. how many stories does there need to be for it to click with people that they shouldn’t drink and drive?

and to be a celebrity too, like you’re in the public eye! people are going to know! it’s going to be terrible for your reputation and livelihood!! it’s so across-the-board stupid!

[2-0virg0]

i have had many thoughts over the last month in a half or so, with those thoughts came revelations. i feel myself in a much more healthier mindset (in regard to love matters) i was pretty sad over the situation with *** but i’m over it now. i am realizing that in order for me to break this cycle, i need to date those who are so different from the people i have dated in my past. they were surface level, superficial and not the most serious to be honest. i was chasing those who mirrored me in a lot of ways. i’m realizing that if i want to find love, i need to stop engaging with those who fit those traits. i’ve also realized i need to take the steps forward to deepen connections moving forward. that’s not to say i’m not capable, i do it very easily in friendships. this superficial surface level side of me comes out whenever i’m interested in someone romantically, it’s almost like self sabotage. i approached things in an unserious manner and expected serious results.. like how silly is that? actually not silly, just shows me being naive i guess, which isn’t bad! i lack experience! i will learn these things as i continue to experience life. anyway, very happy with these revelations, i always felt like others were the problem, when in reality i was also engaging in their type of behavior.

[dangertoozmanykids101]

It's hard when they have to stay relatively true to the real people. Relatively true. Maybe. I'm vacillating here, unsure what I think. Please pay no mind to my circular and self contradicting brain dump here. Can you help sort out what I'm thinking and feeling?

Obviously you can say no and tell me to go dump my feels in someone else's card table. Lol no hard feelings. I'll just pack up all my jumbled up theories and questions, and find another place to sort my laundry out on.

So they didn't have a sexual relationship. And I think he respected her. Admired her. And she showed no interest in him sexually. With zero romantic interest in anyone. In survival mode to be a mom. To make her life relevant. To not be looked down on. After a streak of bad choices. And her mom taught her that a relationship is just a means to get ahead or to get out of your current situation into a better one. And she never saw any positive relationship examples growing up. Sounds like the same for Pete - sexually abused by foster parents parading as religious leaders in a church.

From a storytelling aspect - I wish there had been more chemistry. MY opinion is that he did yearn for her attention. And chased her when he could even though she thoughtlessly rejected him or never even noticed him. They were successful together as colleagues - as close to friendship as either could be - with "trust" only ever surface deep with anyone.

So since this was from her point of view, his feelings were not visible at all, since she never saw anyone's feelings.

Except the opening clips of the federal investigation interviews with the other characters - and of course they villainized her since they were defending themselves because of her. (Well, the mom obviously wasn't, but that wasn't obvious in the beginning.)

BUT I'm imagining what if it was told from Pete Brenner's point of view???

I picture him vying for her attention, fantasizing about her (because you know my lewd brain is dying for some of that.) yet repeatedly accepting her rejection and refusing to be resentful. He just blew each rejection off like water on a duck's back. And found his entertainment elsewhere. Still holding a flame for her, but resigning to never seeing it blaze. Resigning to never having those feelings reciprocated. Because there's no such thing as "true love" anyways - repeatedly proved to him throughout life.

But I think it really hurt him that she's the one to betray everyone. Feeling that they were alike. He saw when her conscience ate at her. But also saw her power through it and soldier on. I think he likely had conscience as well, but soldiered on. Found her ambition inspiring whenever his conviction faltered.

Sorry for rambling on. I'm just wracking my brain trying to find that angle that perverted romantic sentimental romantic my brain is looking for, begging for. Know what I mean. I just keep talking your ears off, don't I @georgiapeach30513 ? Bless you for listening to me jabber on.

I just totally get your feeling of disconnect between the characters and the viewer. I think the characters were disconnected from everyone. And it's a shame. I don't think it will excite many people. Ooooo - Here's the question.....

There are based on true stories with characters who DO really resonate with people and the stories affect people powerfully and profoundly. Which Stories are those and why do those have more impact than this one?

Honestly I think I'd need to rewatch them and see if I do actually feel a connection with the characters. OR am I just disappointed because I WANTED to feel something deeper because of Chris Evans. Am I setting my expectations higher or rather skewing my expectations because of my own ..... God what do I call this thing that goes on inside my brain about him?

Because he plays a despicable character. Am I disappointed that the story didn't go deeper into his character? In order to give Liza's character some depth, they left everyone else pretty 2 dimensional.

I don't think they were absent of conscience. I think the ambition and greed was so strong and LOUD that it drowned out any conscience assertions.

Would Craig Gillespie have given this movie the feels and edge we're looking for?

Okay. I'll stop.

Liza and Pete both looked like friends to me , but is there something I missed about their relationship

There is a friendship, there’s a bit of a respect/fear going on I suppose. I don’t know, I feel not delving more into their relationship and what makes them tick was a mistake. I missed the character development here. Liza was boring, and I didn’t buy her living in the slums. There just was this disconnect for me with the characters. I’m such a character driven person, and there was something missing.

[absentia-if]

Absentia DLCs

I wanted to share the Absentia DLCs that I have in store for later down the line. As a small thank you for you all being so patient and kind with me.

I hope you find at least one interesting. As I can’t wait for you all to experience the side stories within the world of Absentia.

Romantic Comedy/Drama || Leon/Leia Walker

Working in The Hideout you’ve learned three things about yourself and the establishment you work in:

You’re not sure if you’re in love with coffee or absolutely abhor it at this point.

You now know how much ten coffee mugs cost because of how many you’ve broken.

The orders can always get stranger.

Tall, dark, and stunning that comes in here like clockwork every Friday will be the death of you.

The last one didn’t count because a few fantasies didn’t mean anything in the long run. Besides, you’re quite sure a person that looks like that would never pay you a second glance…

You just never realized how wrong you were as the bell rings, like clockwork, on that Friday shift.

And how that would change your life…

Romantic Comedy || Kieran “Luca” Lewis

Needing a much deserved vacation your friends book you on a summer long escapade through Italy; where you can see the sights you’ve always been too busy to see, wine and dine in the restaurants you’ve always imagined, and be immersed in the culture that you’ve only ever read about.

You just never expected that, on your first day no less, you’d crash— literally— into a stranger with a perfect smile and mischievous eyes; a stranger that would soon show you exactly what it meant to fall in love.

The type of love that only lived in romance novels…

Romantic Comedy/Drama || Angelus/Angelina Sinclair

Las Vegas— also known as Sin City— is the designated spot for your best friends bachelor(ette) party. You’ve only ever been a few times before, though you don’t think staying in your hotel counted that much, but you’d never not want to be there for them; even if you’re coming off of a bad breakup that still stings your heart whenever you think of it.

You’ve never been much of a gambler, but the cards you were dealt that weekend would have made anyone think that they hit the jackpot.

Especially when you wake up in bed next to them…

Romantic Thriller

Something was never quite right with you…

Where other kids found joy in the sun and spending time with friends; you found solace in the dark and being by yourself. Where other kids squirmed at the sight of blood, you found yourself oddly fascinated. Where other kids mourned the loss of their parents, you found yourself harboring a dark secret.

You weren’t like other people. The emotions you were supposed to have during some situations weren’t present, but were prevalent during other times.

You just never expected to find someone else exactly like you.

And all the fun you’ll have because of it…

Romantic Comedy/Drama || Kennedy Ellis

Kennedy Ellis is one of the most confusing people that you’ve ever met. One moment they’re as cold as ice and the next they’re as warm as the sun. Of course, that warmth is usually directed at their phone whenever they call home to a city within Montana.

The only thing that’s ever stayed constant between you and Kennedy is the simple fact that you both hate each other. An emotion that started the moment you met them as they started working within the company you work at.

Where they’re neat and orderly, you have a bit of chaotic mess going on. Where you’re open and honest, they’re closed off and blunt.

You just wish that the smirk that quirks their lips didn’t make you want to kiss them even more.

Hating them would be so much easier than falling in love with them…

Romantic Comedy || Quinn Laurent

Returning home for the holidays wasn’t what you were expecting in the long run. Especially since you hadn’t returned to Aurora since you left for college; the odd phone call to your mother excluded, you tried not to think about the city within Montana.

How does the saying go?

Don’t get your hopes up because nothing goes as planned?

That’d be putting it lightly for your holiday festivities. After finding your significant other cheating on you with your best friend, having to sprint through the airport for your last minute flight, and even spilling your coffee all over your shirt once you arrived in Aurora.

Was there anyway your day could get any worse?

In fact? That’s exactly what can happen. As the cause for you spilling your drink?

The person that you had unceremoniously ran into; who also happened to be Quinn Laurent. The one person you never wanted to see again. The person that had caused you to leave Aurora and never look back.

Quinn Laurent… your first love and heartbreak.

Romantic Drama || August/Audrey Sloane

Looking back at your life— your alcoholic father and drug addicted mother— you would have never imagined that you’d be standing where you are now. On the red carpet at another award show; still riding your high of winning an Oscar.

You never imagined that you’d be worth millions after growing up with nothing. Never believed that you’d be one of the people that kids, just like you had been, would look up to.

You also never imagined that you’d be returning to the city that started it all. A city that held more secrets than it did people, but it was the perfect spot for your next movie.

You could have never imagined who you’d run into once you came home… And all the feelings that would awaken once you saw them again.

Take your Absentia MC and travel back to the time of childish laughter, playground races on the monkey bars, and unwavering innocence. Back to a time when the cast were children; to adventures that have helped shape who they are now.

What will you get up to?

———————

RO Quotes

[beels-burger-babe]

Try it, I Dare You

*** Greetings! So this little fic is part of Familial Attachments which I wrote ages ago. I randomly got inspired by Big Bro! Lucifer and decided to branch off of it. Quick reminder that this MC is not a Teen! MC and therefore not underage. Thanks, everyone for the love and support! This fic is a long one. -B ***

Summary: As Lucifer forms a more familial bond with MC, the other brothers find themselves falling for the human romantically. Lucifer notes the changes in his brother's intentions and is not pleased.

Gaining you as an honorary little sibling was one of the best things to ever happen to Lucifer.

It gave him someone he could open up to, someone to fawn over, someone he could be soft with.

This change in dynamic between you and Lucifer had caused a number of things to change in the House of Lamentation in general.

You and Lucifer had become practically attached to the hip. Where you went, it seemed he wasn't far behind. The other brothers had joked that he had degraded himself to be your guard dog (a comment that had them all scrubbing the entirety of the hall's floors with their own toothbrushes), and in all honesty, he sort of had. Lucifer spent more time outside of his office, and would instead do his work in the lounge, where he could personally keep an eye on you.

It was this extra time around you that had caused Lucifer to begin to notice things.

It began, as most problems within the house do, with Mammon.

You had been talking with Mammon on the couch as Lucifer quietly did paperwork in the background.

He hadn't been listening in on the conversation (as frankly, it was none of his concern and you did deserve your own privacy), but your bright laugh had momentarily caught his attention.

When he glanced over, he saw you double over, nearly in tears from something Mammon had apparently said. It was nice.

What wasn't so nice, was the openly soft, adoring look that he was giving you under the knowledge that you weren't looking. His cheeks were dusted visibly flushed as his eyes glistened with affection.

Lucifer's eyes narrowed as the expression quickly disappeared once you turned to face Mammon once more and continue your conversation.

Paying closer attention now, he noted how Mammon's hand was draped over the back of the couch, his fingertips ghosting over the tops of your shoulders. A fond smirk remained glued on his face as he watched you talk passionately, and didn't even make an attempt to interrupt you as he would with most people.

Most damning, however, was the fact that the blush never quite left his face.

Lucifer pressed his lips into a thin line.

Mammon quite clearly had romantic interests in you, and that just wouldn't do.

It wasn't that Lucifer didn't trust you to know what's best for yourself. No. He knew that you were exceedingly clever and did, in fact, trust you to make your own choices. It was precisely why he hadn't done anything about Asmodeus's hollow flirtations, or Satan's teasing, or Belphegor's sleepovers. He knew that if you were truly bothered by it, you were more than capable of getting them to leave you alone.

He didn't, however, trust his brothers with you.

With the new pathway of thinking that Mammon's actions had opened that day, Lucifer had noticed that Mammon was not alone in his not-so-innocent intentions with you.

In fact, it appeared that you had captured the hearts of each of his brothers.

It was all too obvious to him now.

Satan's hands lingering on yours as he passed you books. Asmodeus's comments being less shallow and materialistic and more personal and sentimental. Levi's awe-filled eyes, being fixed on you rather than the games the two of you played. Belphegor, cracking open an eye to peer up at you when you weren't looking as he "slept" on your lap. Beel's fidgeting and blush as he asked you to help him work out. Mammon practically melting whenever you ruffled his hair; even as he protested and swatted at your hands.

Lucifer cursed his past self for being so oblivious.

Perhaps the worst part of all of this is that you, the innocent pure soul that you were, were completely oblivious to all of their advances. You would simply giggle or brush it off entirely as just one of the many weird things that his brothers did.

It was unacceptable.

Lucifer, although he seldom admitted it, loved his brothers. He truly did. But he also knew how reckless, moronic, and just overall dangerous they could all be. You deserved better than that. It was for this reason that Lucifer had made it his personal mission to put an end to these revolting advances.

-

Asmodeus smiled as he practically skipped over to where you were reading in the living room, "Hey MC," he draped his arms over your shoulder from behind and nestled his chin on top of your head. "What are you doing today?"

You chuckled and moved your head to gaze up at the bubbly demon. "Good morning, Asmo. I'm not doing much. Just relaxing, I guess. Why?"

Asmo could feel his smile widen at the information. He had been trying to get you all to himself all week, but there was always someone else around or something else that you had to do. Now was his chance!

He hummed as he snaked around the chair to face you. "Then that means you're free to spend the day shopping with your truly!" He shot off a cheeky wink to end it all off.

Asmo felt his heart flutter as your eyes glittered in excitement at his words. "I'd love to Asmo! Just let me gather a few things and we'll-"

"Ah! MC. Are you heading out for the day?"

All the light and warmth that Asmodeus had been feeling instantly plummeted as Lucifer entered the room. His brother was obviously trying to play it off as though he hadn't orchestrated this, not even looking at the two of them as he thumbed through a few papers in his hands, but Asmodeus knew better.

You, however, were none the wiser.

You practically lit up as Lucifer walked into the room. "Yeah! Asmodeus invited me to go shopping with him. We're probably going to be gone for the better part of the day," Asmodeus's bad mood caused by his brother's presence softened as you looked back at him.

Asmo plastered on a smile and wrapped an arm around your shoulder while glared sharply at Lucifer. He hoped that maybe this time he'd actually take the hint and leave everything alone. "Was there something you needed, big brother? Or are you just here to grace us with your presence?"

Asmodeus regretted his words, as the moment he saw them, Lucifer smiled sharply, like a cat who'd just captured its prey. "Well, since you asked, Asmodeus, I was hoping the two of you could pick up a few things for me," Lucifer began to list off rare item after rare item. Asmo could nothing but watch as the dread in his stomach grew heavier and heavier.

You chuckled nervously as Lucifer reached what had to be the twentieth item. "That's quite a bit, Lucifer. I don't think I'd be able to remember it all, and even if I did, I don't know where to begin looking for half of the things you listed," your face scrunched up adorably in thought before you snapped and looked up at the two demons. "I know! Why doesn't Lucifer come with us! That way he'll be able to get his things, and we all can spend time together. Sounds nice, right?"

And there it was.

Asmodeus did everything he could to keep the disappointment off his face, as Lucifer patted your shoulder. "That sounds like an excellent idea, MC," Asmo bit back a growl as Lucifer pulled you out of his arms and lead you towards your room. He glanced back at Asmo with a smug, prideful, look on his face. "We'll go get ready. Thank you for arranging this day out, Asmodeus."

Asmodeus could do nothing but pout as Lucifer walked away with you.

-

Satan had never felt so... tender-hearted before.

He watched you affectionately as you rambled on about your day while effortlessly helping him make supper.

There was something so wholesome and domestic about the entire situation that reminded him of the few romance novels he had read. Initially, when he read those books, he thought the poetic descriptions of the person's heart skipping and the tingling warmth filling their body was a gross exaggeration, but now he knew, and he never wanted that feeling to go away.

He moved by your side and stirred one of the pots on the stove while you diced tomatoes. As he listened to you speak about an enchantment you were trying to get the hang of with Solomon, he suddenly remembered one of the more cliche moments from the books he read.

Glancing at the sauce, Satan carefully scooped up a little bit into a spoon and gently blew on it to cool it down. He turned to you and held the spoon out towards you. "I'm not sure if I got the spices balanced outright. Would you mind-"

Before he could speak any more, a head. that most certainly did not belong to you, swooped down and ate the sauce off the spoon. You and Satan blinked as Lucifer, who had somehow appeared behind you, pulled away from the spoon with a thoughtful expression. "The sauce is good. I'd say it's probably done now," Lucifer stated calmly as his thumb wiped at the corners of his mouth. Satan's grip tightened on the spoon's handle as he snarled at his brother.

You looked awkwardly between the two as Lucifer draped his arm onto your shoulder. "Lucifer? What are you doing here?"

Lucifer's expression softened as he looked down at you, "I just wanted to check in on you," Satan's eye twitched at the excuse. Lucifer tilted his head before he continued. "Also, I saw Mammon sneaking into your room, muttering something about your jewellery box and wanted to give you a heads up."

Your eyes widened as your head snapped in the direction of your room. "What?! Why didn't you start with that?!" Lucifer's smile widened as you made your way towards the kitchen exit. You glanced back at Satan with sympathetic eyes, "Sorry, Satan. I'll promise I'll help you make dinner next time!" Before Satan even had the chance to respond, you had taken off down the hall, yelling his older brother's name.

With you gone, Satan turned to Lucifer with full, unrestrained fury. "What the fuck was that for?" he spat as he stepped into Lucifer's space.

The elder brother merely rolled his eyes and stepped around Satan as though he was nothing more than a hissing kitten. "I could be asking you the same thing. You were getting awfully close there."

Satan's face grew red, though it was hard to distinguish whether the colour was from anger or embarrassment. "That's none of your business!"

Apparently, Lucifer didn't deem a response necessary, as he simply dismissed his brother with a cocky wave of his hand and strutted out of the room in the same direction that you had left.

-

Beelzebub was taking a chance and stepping outside of his comfort zone.

Ever since discovering a small, weak flower in the shadows of the Hall of Lamentation and nursing it back to health, Beel had taken up gardening as a hobby.

None of his brothers knew about it, to his knowledge, and that was okay. If anything, the soft-spoken demon preferred it that way.

But when he noticed that it was particularly nice outside and that you were roaming around with little to do, he decided to let you in on his little secret.

Beel stole a glimpse over his shoulder at you. You were hunched over, humming to yourself as you worked away, your hands knuckle deep in the rich soil with smudges of dirt smeared across your forehead. The gentle dim light of the Devildom sky bounced off your skin and blanketed you in its glow, only adding the beauty you projected.

The sight alone stole his breath and momentarily made him forget about his hunger.

He opened his mouth to speak to you, but was cut off by the sound of heavy footfalls thundering towards you and a loud dangerous growl.

Beel's eyes widened as he notice Cerberus turn the corner, heading straight towards the two of you in a dead sprint.

Without thinking, Beel quickly tackled you to the side, just as the three-headed hell hound rushed past you, demolishing the garden in his wake.

You did a double-take between Beel, Cerberus and the garden as you scrambled to your feet. "Cerberus? How in Diavolo's name did he get loose?" you anxiously ran a hand through your hair began to head in the direction he took off in. "Lucifer taught me a few tricks for catching him. I'm going to go get him! I'm so so sorry about all of this Beel! I'll make it up to you, I promise!"

Without another word you took off after the beast, shouting it's name.

Beel frowned and looked at what remained of his garden. He felt his heart sink a little at seeing all of his hard work destroyed. With a heavy sigh, he slowly made his way towards Cerberus's den to see just how bad the damage was.

Only, when he arrived, the pen's door didn't even have a scratch on it; almost as though someone had let the dog out.

-

Leviathan paced around his room as he muttering to himself as tightly clenched to tickets.

"Alright, Levi. It's not a big deal," he whispered reassuringly. "You just have to go out there, hand them the tickets, and ask them to come with. You already checked their calendar when you were in their room last time, and there are no mentions of any upcoming events on their Devilgram, so they won't be busy. O-Of course, they could always reject you for being a stupid shut-in and a gross o-otaku, b-b-but they're your Henry! Right? They have to agree! Okay!" Levi took a deep breath of courage and quickly flung open his door.

He charged to the living room where he knew you would be lounging with Lucifer.

Upon seeing him, your expression lit up and you graced Leviathan with one of your dazzling smiles. The otaku swore that he could hear his heart go "doki-doki". He stumbled to a stop as his face blushed, and quickly hid the tickets behind his back. "H-Hi MC."

"Hey, Levi-chan!" Oh Diavolo, he loved it when you called him that. "What's up? You look like a man on a mission."

Levi briefly noted Lucifer side-eyeing the two of you as he began to stutter out an answer. "W-Well you see, uh... I-I just um...There's this th-thing that..." He let out a small noise of frustration at his own incompetence.

But you never laughed, or sighed, or groaned, like any of his brothers would have. No. You merely sat there and waited patiently for him to find his words with a gentle smile on your face.

Another deep breath and Levi composed himself. "Did you want to go to an idol concert with me this weekend?" Levi couldn't even bring himself to look you in the eyes as he asked the question. "O-Obviously you don't have to, b-b-but you seemed to like their music when I played it the other day, a-a-and you aren't busy so I thought-"

"Actually," Levi's mouth snapped shut as Lucifer spoke up, "MC and I have plans with Diavolo this weekend."

Levi's head whipped over to look at you and noted the slightly confused expression on your face. "I thought that was next weekend?"

Amber eyes narrowed at the words, as Levi slowly turned to glare at Lucifer. It was all to clear to the Otaku what was happening here.

Lucifer shrugged, not even phased by the venomous stare of his brother, and pulled out his D.D.D. "Barbatos messaged me saying that Diavolo had an important meeting pop up next week and asked if we could move our little get-together to this weekend instead."

You huffed and crossed your arms. "I know he's the prince and can't help it, but making last-minute changes like that is just rude."

Lucifer chuckled at your annoyance and ruffled your hair. "I know, but it's nothing either of us can help. I'll just confirm that we're good with the change and-"

"No." Lucifer and Levi both looked at you in shock. Levi dared to let his heart flutter with hope at the determined look on your face. "I can make plans with Diavolo any time. This concert is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and it clearly means a lot to Levi. Tell him that I'll have to take a rain check. I'm going to be spending the weekend with Levi-chan."

Levi instantly let out a cheer of victory as he stepped forward spun you in the air. "Thank you, MC!!! Oh we're going to have so much fun! I swear you won't regret this!"

You giggled as you were set back down onto your feet. "Thank you for inviting me! This is going to be amazing!"

You and Levi began rambling about all the things you wanted to do at the concert and what you'd need to prepare in advance for the ultimate experience.

Levi couldn't believe it! He was going to spend an entire weekend getting to show you the things that he loved! It'd be just the two of you and it'd be perfect.

"I have an idea," Levi felt himself tense as Lucifer spoke up once more. "Why don't we all go together? That way you can spend time with Diavolo, while also getting to attend the concert?"

Levi's heart sunk as you squealed at the idea, jumping excitedly around a smiling Lucifer.

So much for his perfect, romantic, weekend.

-

Mammon took a deep breath as he stared at your bedroom door.

This was it. He was finally going to tell you how he felt.

He had it all planned out. He was going to go in there, and gift you the necklace he had noticed you looking at the last time the two of you went downtown. Then, he'd explain how through the past months of living with you and being your protector, that he found himself becoming enraptured by every single little thing that you do. He'd explain how he knows that he's clingy and greedy when it comes to spending time with you, but that's because there's nothing he treasures more than being by your side. And then, he'd say that he loves you, and hope that you say the same in return.

Fucking romantic right? Mammon had this in the bag.

He confidently lifted his chin as he knocked on your door before walking in. "Hey MC! I know it's late, but do ya gotta-" he trailed off at the sight before him.

Both you and Lucifer were in fluffy, white robes on your bed. Lucifer had a headband in his hair, brushing his bangs away from his clay mask-covered face. You were beside him, also sporting a mask, your tongue peeking out of the corner of your mouth as you carefully painted his nails.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow at his brother, obviously annoyed at being disturbed, while you smiled over at Mammon. "Hey, Mams! Just a sec," you smoothly finished applying a coat of red polish to Lucifer's pinky finger before recapping the bottle and turning to the white-haired demon. "What's up?"

Mammon felt his face heat up, as he quickly hid the small box in his hands behind his back. "I- Uh- Nothin'! Just wanted to talk with ya. Can ya come with me for a few minutes?"

Lucifer sighed as he examined his freshly painted nails. "Might I remind you that you're the one disturbing us, Mammon? If you've got something to say," Mammon gulped as knowing, irked, obsidian eyes bore into his, "spit it out."

You smacked Lucifer's arm. "Hey! Be nice," you offered Mammon a sympathetic smile as you turned back to him. "Sorry, Mammon. You were saying?"

Mammon swallowed down the lump in his throat as humiliation flooded his veins. He awkwardly looked away and waved off your concern. "Nah. It was nothin' important," he subtly slid the necklace box into his back pocket, "I-I'll talk with ya tomorrow or somethin'. It's nothin' ya need to worry about."

You blinked owlishly at Mammon. He could practically see the gears churning inside your head; you obviously thought something was wrong. "Are you sure? If it matters to you, Mammon, that means it's important. I can spare a few minutes if it's really bothering you."

You began to stand up, but as you did, Lucifer caught your wrist."MC, he already said you didn't need to worry about it. If it was that important, he would've just told us. I'm sure everything is fine," Mammon tensed as Lucifer shifted his cold gaze onto him, "right?"

Mammon quickly nodded as he stumbled back towards the door. "Yeah! Yes! Everything is perfectly fine! I-I'll just get goin' and leave to continue whatever this is. Bye!" He scurried out of the room, slamming the door behind him, before slumping against it.

He could faintly hear the sounds of you scolding Lucifer, and felt himself slump in defeat.

He'd just have to try again another day.

-

Belphegor fluffed the blankets and pillows that he had set up in the backyard.

It was perfect. He had actually put in work to make sure it was.

A sea of blankets would protect the two of you from the chilly, Devildom, night air, while his finest pillows would make sure you were comfortable. He had brought out a thermos filled with tea and some snacks to make the evening extra cozy.

It was everything the two of you would need to take in the meteor shower tonight.

A click sounded behind him. Belphie perked and quickly turned to greet with you a smile.

Only, instead of you, a rather smug-looking Lucifer stood in the doorway.

Belphie growled and went back to arranging pillows. "What do you want?"

Lucifer shrugged and began to set up a telescope. Belphie gritted his teeth at the sight of it. "I'm just here to take in the meteor shower like you are. That's all. It is quite a beautiful sight after all, and it also happens to be very enlightening."

Belphegor sneered at his older brother as he turned away from him. "Well do it somewhere else! I'm watching the shower here with MC, not you. So go away!"

Lucifer tilted his head in mock confusion as he held up his phone. "Oh dear, but I've already invited the others to join us out here."

Belphie's head snapped up at Lucifer's words. "You what?!"

As though summoned, the rest of his brothers toppled into the backyard.

"I was unaware there was a meteor shower tonight," Satan claimed as he laid down his own blanket near Belphie's perfectly structured nest. "To think I almost missed out on it."

"Eh, I don't care about any stupid stars or anythin'," Belphie groaned in annoyance as Mammon plopped himself down beside him. "But if anythin' falls near us, then those meteor pieces have gotta be worth a fortune!"

Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes as he leaned against the house, game counsel still in hand. "Nothing's actually falling, dumb ass. They're just space rocks passing by."

Asmodeus giggled while he snuggled himself up on Belphie's other side. Belphie wrinkled up his nose and tried to lean away from the physical affection. "Then why are you out here, Levi, if they're just space rocks? Can't you admit that they're beautiful, like me, and you wanted to experience something real for once?"

Levi let out a squawk of embarrassment. "There isn't anything that 'reality can offer me that anime can't! I've seen meteor showers at least ten times all with amazing shots and angles that you could never get in real life!"

Asmodeus merely shook his head in response. "Whatever you say, Levi," he reached over to the picnic basket that Belphie for you and him had packed and held it over his head. "Beel! Snacks!"

Belphegor gaped at his twin as the ginger giant grabbed the basket and sat down behind them. "Beel?! You too?"

Beel looked down guiltily and looked through the food. "I'm sorry, Belphie. But Lucifer said there'd be snacks and that everyone else was going to be there, and I thought it'd be nice to have a family event."

Belphie groaned and held his head in his hands. "You knew I was planning this for just me and MC though."

Beel frowned and held out a cookie to his twin. "Sorry."

Before Belphie could argue anymore or even get the chance to kick everyone out, the door opened once more.

"Oh," everyone looked over to see you standing there in your pyjamas. Belphie's heart clenched as your confused eyes found his. "I didn't know this was a group gathering! I would've brought down some pillows for everyone or some snacks if I had known!" you smiled brightly at the group as you walked towards them.

"No need. Belphie went ahead and provided enough for everyone already," Lucifer claimed and patted the ground next him. "You can sit with me, MC. There's plenty of space over here."

Belphie cursed under his breath as you accepted Lucifer's offer and huffed as the meteor shower began.

Lucifer smirked as he took in his brother's defeat with glee, and you babbled away none-the-wiser by his side.

His brothers could try to woo you and corrupt you all they wanted, but Lucifer wasn't going anywhere. For every attempt they'd make, he'd be there to stop it.

You had deemed Lucifer your big brother, after all, and as such, he'd make sure that you were always safe from his brothers' infernal influences.

***The ending is meh, but whatever! I hope you guys enjoyed this fic! It was both fun and hassle to write, but I love it nonetheless! Thanks for your amazing support and love! Sorry for the lack of fics lately. Love you all!***

Taglist @all-oxidized-to-green @candymeowz, @thegrimgrinningghost @henry-and-the-seven-lords @satans-beloved-riv @cosmixbun @sufzku @lovelythoma @mothervictoire @obey-mes-treasure @kissed-by-a-dementor @yukihaie @justtiarra @mammoneybb @obeys-world @poly-bi-mf @armycandy10 @burrixino @arkarul @pumpkins-mainside-blog

[alphabetbill]

Bill Skarsgard Alphabet- Your relationship with Bill

Here’s a list from A-Z about what your relationship with Bill would be like.

A list of headcannons of what Bill x reader’s relationship.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Note- If one of the letters is flagged with an asterixis * it means it is slightly suggestive or NSFW. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A- Affection

Bill is actually quite affectionate with you, always preferring to have one arm around you shoulders when sitting on the couch together, holding your hand, quick kisses on the head, cheek and shoulder. Warm hugs from behind, with Bill resting his chin on your head. He likes to reassure himself by being in the comfort of your company, and it always feels so strange when he’s away from you filming on set. He likes to cuddle a lot when he wants to relax and unwind, because Bill is a pretty busy dude so whenever he can get the chance to sit back and rest with you, it’s usually on the bed taking a quick power nap before it’s back to it again.

B- Buying gifts

Bill isn’t really big on receiving big fancy gifts, because really, what would he need them for? You are the same. He does make sure to stop at each place on his press tours and pick out a souvenir to bring home to you. He also likes bringing home little props or souvenirs from set. You still have the little Pennywise teddy he got you sitting over on your desk. The little red pom-pom nose and the orange yarn fluffy hair is so adorable. 

C- Comfort

When you are feeling down or sad, Bill can nearly always pick up on it straight away. He has a way with reading people’s emotions and then employing the method of comfort that would best suit the situation. If you want to talk, he will listen, and if you want to be left alone, he will do that, but not for too long.

He’ll check up on you every so often through the day just to make sure you’re okay. Bill’s warm, gigantic hugs and reassuring kisses always manage to make you feel a bit better. When it’s Bill whose feeling off, you let him talk. Bill isn’t the kind of guy to be able to keep things bottled up for a long period of time because it tends to make him feel tired and weighed down, and that’s not a fun time for either of you. You always listen to him when he vents everything he’s feeling, usually with his head in your lap and you playing with his hair or his hands.

D- Date 

Bill would be a chill, relaxing type of guy when it comes to dates. He knows that you don’t want to be doing something big and exciting every single time, that would be tiring. He loves taking you out for dinner, but he loves making dinner for you and setting up a romantic little dinner date out on the porch or terrace, and surprising you. Often, dates between you two will be completely out of the blue. ‘Hey, want to go somewhere?’ ‘Hey lets go for a picnic by the beach’.

On the days when you guys do feel like doing something more adventurous, the zoo tends to be the fan favourite, and you also like to go skiing, and hiking to see new places and things.

E- Encouragement/Excitement 

You are both very supportive of each other and your professions, so much so that as soon as the other person catches a whiff of success, you are there to celebrate with each other by any means. You and Bill like to hype each other up and get all excited when the other person gets excited, almost as if your happiness is conjoined. You are always excited for Bill’s new projects, and support him through it all the way up until it’s completed and ready for the world to see. 

F- Fighting

Bill likes to avoid conflict, especially if it involves any kind of yelling and screaming at you, someone he loves. He doesn’t believe that yelling helps at all, infact it only makes matters worse, and instead of actually getting the other person to listen to them, it only makes them more mad and they keep on yelling when no one is actually listening. He doesn’t like yelling at you because it feels almost violent, and he doesn’t want to scare you into listening to him. He’s aware of how intimidating he looks when he’s mad. He encourages the both of you to instead sit down and talk about things maturely, talking about how he feels and why he feels that way, and always attentively listening to what you have to say as well. It’s important in the relationship that you have a sense of equality, that both go heard and your opinions both valued. From then on, depending on the severity of the argument, you move on to figure out the best solution to moving past it or around it. 

G- Gestures

Bill is big on friendly, helpful little gestures to remind you that he loves you. You both like to leave little notes in places for each other to find, with quotes or reassurances written on them like ‘You can do this!’ ‘I love you!’ ‘You look amazing today’. It gives you guys a little confidence boost, because sometimes you both need it. In terms of physical gestures, Bill likes to hold your hand a lot of the time when you walk, almost as if you might wander off and get lost if he lets go. He also likes to buy you flowers. If he sees a bunch of flowers in the shop window from the corner of his eye, and he instantly thinks of you, he will buy them for you. You aren’t really sure what use you would have for flowers, but you absolutely admire the sweet gesture.

H- How you sleep

It’s no secret that Bill is a very tall and lanky person. Because of this, sometimes its hard for him to find just the right position to sleep it, however he has learned to adjust and adapt to any position or place to make it feel comfortable. He lays on his back a lot of the time and pulls you close to him, either tucked up beside him with your arm across his torso, or with your head on his chest or heart while he plays with your hair.

You both talk for hours, and will stay up until you fall asleep mid conversation. It’s funny when Bill will be talking, and he goes to ask you a question, and he finds you fast asleep beside him. ‘Seriously? Did you just fall asleep on me? Were you listening to any of that?”

I- Impression

When Bill was first introduced to you, he thought you were so gorgeous and beautiful, with that amazing smile and beautiful eyes. He is a bit nervous at the best of times, but you made him particularly nervous. He always was conscious over the way he spoke to you and how he appealed to you. He’s had a giant crush on you since the day he met you, and knew instantly that if he didn’t do something to make you his, he would never be the same.

Your impression of him was similar. You could not believe such a handsome guy was standing right there talking to you! He made you feel a bit self-conscious, and you couldn’t form a single coherent sentence in your mind without feeling overwhelmingly flushed by him standing next to you, or ‘accidentally’ brushing up against you.

J- Jokes

Are you and Bill a playful or more serious couple?

You two are able to maintain a healthy balance of both playful and serious. You like to tease each other a lot, particularly about the height difference, and Bill’s unholy inhuman tallness. You always joke to him about how secretly Bill must have been born in a zoo to a giraffe and then dropped in Sweden by accident. 

You both know when to be serious though, and understand that not everything can be all fun and games. If someone isn’t feeling great, you can learn to adjust and turn the jokes down to make sure they are okay.

K- Kids

Bill would absolutely love to have kids with you, ideally two, not anywhere near as many as how many his parents had. He wants to be able to spread his fatherly love between children and make time for them both equally, and adore them as much as he adores you. 

L- Love 

What does Bill love the most about you? 

Physically, Bill is in love with two things- your smile and your hair. Both of these things are the two things that he thinks are flawlessly, effortlessly perfect every single time he sees you, even if you wake up in the morning with a serious case of bedhead. But Bill loves everything about you, most of all how supportive you are, and how you are always there for him even if you don’t have to be.

M- Memory/moment

Your favourite memory of you and Bill together is how it felt when he kissed you for the first time. You remember all the tingling feelings, and how excited and nervous you were, but happy that this was finally happening. 

Bill’s favourite memory is when you said yes to going out with him for the first time. He felt so accomplished and happy with himself, like if he could get the girl, he could do anything. He remembers feeling surprised that you said yes, and how scared he was that you would turn him down and tell him you weren’t interested in him in that way. 

*N- Nudes

Usually, if you do send them, it’s when Bill is away in Toronto filming a movie and he’s missing you. You both tend to flirt over text more than you do in real life.

O- Optimist level

You and Bill are both optimistic and realistic. You can see both the good side of things and the bad.

P- Period

When you are on your period, Bill knows instantly that it’s gonna be a pretty crappy time for you, so he tries to make it as least crappy as possible. He has a basket of chocolate reserved just for you on the days when it’s bad, and stays home with you all day cuddling and watching movies. If you are in a significant amount of pain, he will do most practical things for you like house work. He’s very sweet and caring for you, running to the store to get products and shamelessly carrying them. Anything for you, he’s not embarrassed, he knows that it’s a normal thing and it should be normalized for boyfriends to buy their girlfriends products. 

Q- Quality Time- how do you spend it?

You and Bill spend all the time you can possibly get with each other. All the time is quality time with you guys, and Bill makes time to set aside his work or script reading to spend time with you. He’s away for long periods of time, so he wants to make sure that he can spend enough time with you to make up for that, and make sure that you know he loves you.

R- Romantic- how much of a romantic are they?

Oh. Bill is romantic. He especially likes to wine and dine with you, making the whole setting perfect just for you. He manages to make everything romantic, everything he does, and you aren’t sure if he’s doing it on purpose or whether that’s just him as a person.

*S- Sex

You and Bill do it often, but its not seen as something at the top of importance between you. You prefer to spend time talking together and just enjoying each other’s company, rather than getting all physical. That kind of intimacy is done in the bedroom every couple of days or so, or really whenever you feel the need to. It’s important to also note that Bill is very respectful about it, and always makes sure that whatever he does you are comfortable with.

Anywhere outside the privacy of the bedroom for him always feels so awkward, and he likes both of you to be comfortable.

T- Trust

You trust Bill with your life, and he trusts you too. You feel safe opening up to him and telling him things that you normally wouldn’t tell people. You know that he would never cheat on you, and don’t get easily jealous by girls that he kisses or fake hooks up with in movies. You know that this is all staged and it is a part of acting, and always makes sure that Bill knows that it’s okay.

U- Understand

You and Bill understand each other very well. There are of course some things that you don’t get about each other, like why you like certain foods that do not go together, why you believe something, things like that. You think alike in terms of the way you look at life, and how you see the world. You feel like you guys just get each other, y’know?

V- Vulnerability 

Bill is very open with you about how he feels, and you are to him as well. If he’s sad or upset he will tell you and talk about it. He isn’t afraid that crying will make him seem less of a man, and also doesn’t judge you when you cry around him. Bill is a sap and definitely cries in sad scenes of movies. 

W- Wedding- What would your ideal wedding be?

Bill would want it to be fantastic and memorable, as I’m sure everyone would. His family and friends would be there and so would yours. It would be an outdoors wedding beneath the sunshine- provided it doesn’t rain. You would most likely go on a honeymoon to somewhere you have both always wanted to go, and it would be an amazing, relaxing get away.

*X- X-rated

Does Bill have any kinks? 

Most likely no, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t down to try new things with you.

Y- Young and beautiful- how long will you guys last?

As far as Bill is concerned, you will have children, grandchildren, and get old together. You are gorgeous now, and you will always be gorgeous to him. He is big on committing to you, and you are to him. 

Z- Zing!

How much excitement is there in your relationship? 

You guys are always adapting and adjusting to Bill being away and all kinds of things that life might throw at you. It’s pretty exciting dating an actor, isn’t it?

The thrill of secrecy and not getting caught. You often like to make bets on who will be noticed in a crowd first, you or him?

Life is just full of wonders and mystery, and you can’t wait to explore more of those together!

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Note- I am aware that Skarsgard is supposed to be written with an accent on the last A, but I write these lists on my laptop and the keyboard does not have an option for that. 

Thank you for reading! It took me a little while to put this A-Z list together and I would appreciate if you left a like, a comment or whatever you can to help me out. 

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