#so looking forward to the end result
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wip wip wip
#so looking forward to the end result#who knew crk could bring out the best of my ability#all this attention to detail and its for cookies of all things#my friends laughed at me. i think thats my motivation rightn ow#all y'all gonna be eatin good for a while#draw your own conclusions for now#cookie run kingdom#shadow milk cookie#burning spice cookie#pure vanilla cookie#golden cheese cookie#crnl's crk journal
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How do you sleep at night? No one to hide behind Betrayed every alibi you had You had every chance to make amends instead you got drunk on bitterness And you still claim that you're innocent, it's sad
#daniel ricciardo#dr3#christian horner#for the blacklists#I recognize that christian horner in a gifset is NOT the kind of content people in ricnation are looking for rn#debated posting this but fuck it#me 🤝🏼 daniel: two bitches that love a depressing song lyric#it's about breaking free from a toxic relationship and the importance of prioritizing one's own needs#and that it can take a long time to recognize the dynamics at play in those relationships#and removing yourself from that situation can be just as hard and that just kind of epitomizes daniel with christian for me#in the return to rbr I think daniel trusted that CH would at the very least be straight forward and upfront with him#even if the end result wasn't what daniel wanted or hoped for#daniel could handle not getting the rbr seat#but something he couldn't handle was the truth that the one person he believed he could trust was gaslighting him and using him#and daniel had a light bulb moment - the point where you realize that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away#and so he got out#also this is obviously my interpretation of a relationship that I have zero insider info on and maybe they are chill now#as always…thinking too deeply about people I don’t know in the tags#also i recognize that this song is actually about a tiktok hype house but whatever rbr are that immature so it fits#this is my first go with this type of editing in PS so if you have any tips on style and execution i'm all ears#Apparently i also owe CH an apology bc i was so sure he didn't shake daniel's hand pre-race in singapore but he actually did and i missed i#during the breakdown i was having anyway fuck him still
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I'm so mentally ill I can only draw in my cheaply bought pre-owned tablet from 2015 using my computer in my silly little room in my house and not anywhere else
#what the hell#also idk how you guys can do it but drawing in ipad is so difficult#screen too tiny every button is so tiny half of my shortcuts doesnt work#sobbing#i wanna go home#oh i never told people but im at my parents house right now and i cant go home until uhm indefinitely#so not only my work commute is much more longer i also cant game#but also#i cant draw#even though i brought my ipad with me#because???? idfk#my brain suckssss#and if i push forward and keep drawing the result ended up looking shit and my mood just got worse and AAAAA#Also everybody here is on diet so no snacking!???#im gonna cry#also i have 2 comms right now in the work but i didnt upload both in the cloud so i dont have the files rn and im crying and aaaaaaaa
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GGS TEAM PAST!!!
#DUUUDE THIS WAS SO FUN#dreadful#veji#art#splatoon#splatoon 3#grand festival#grand fest splatoon#Man I shed like a few tears by the end of the reveal news thing#Like not out of sadness cause my team lost but just from the joy that all this happened and I was here for it.#I never got to experience splatoon 2’s final fest so I’ve waited 3 years for this and I’m…. Just so happy!#If you couldn’t tell from the colours in the drawing I’m team future btw#I laughed so hard seeing the results lol we got NOTHING#Oh and I guess I should put my reasoning for my pick of future#so here it is:#I picked it because the future scares me. But it’s gonna happen anyway so I might as well look forward to it#I can’t let myself worry about where I’ll end up and who I’ll be when I’m older#But I do need to keep looking forward#I also chose it cause of deep cut. Like that was a big factor in my choice#Their music shaped my tastes. I just love it so much#And sure the characters themselves aren’t as fleshed out as the other idols#But they still mean a lot to me as splatoon 3 is the game that got me into the franchise#Even though I played 2 before 3 could never fully enjoy it as I came too late#I missed every splatfest cause I got it a year before splat3#So I could never connect the way I did to 3#Hearing anarchy rainbow for the first time changed me man. I fell in love instantly. It just means so much.#As an autistic person I actually surprisingly don’t really stim that much. But hearing anarchy rainbow just… flipped a switch.#I couldn’t stop moving. Literally like DJ Octavio man. It was a crazy experience to just feel like I had to move.#to walk around or something. To wave and flap my arms. Copy their dances. It sounds a little weird and childish when it’s written down#But it’s true. Splatoon’s music showed me that my autistic stimming was something I should embrace.
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I'm going to get a good grade in being a commission client, which is both a normal thing to want and possible to achieve.
#/ref#I loveeeee getting art of my silly little guys and/or my silly little self#I just commissioned a cool kawaii artist today and she said she loved how detailed my commission ideas were#And boy I was so glad to hear that because I was worried I'd sound like a nightmare client for people who don't actually know me#(so far I had only commissioned my friends and partners so it was easier to have a discussion about the coms)#Anyway I'm soooo excited and I'm looking forward to seeing the end results Ɛ> Ɛ> Ɛ>#berry rambles
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Happy 5th birthday to my dear OC, Sei ♥
#my art#illustration#original character#oc | seijaku#world | luxenvalice#sentimental rambling in the tags#my dearest girl!! light of my life!! the only reason i get out of bed sometimes!!!!#she was drawn earlier than Feb 14 2019 - but that is the date she was first posted to ToyHouse#and so that is the date she was probably truly solidified in my mind as an OC that was going to stay#Do you ever have an OC and don't realize how much of you - the creator - is in that OC?#realizing stupidly late that this is why it bothered me immensely when people took art involving her to repost#I still feel kinda gross posting personal art because of it but#that's why my watermark is a little more annoying now#Anyway it feels like a lifetime has passed from her starting off as a BNHA OC#Don't remember anymore why I made the conscious decision to watch the show when I always had and still have trouble starting/finishing medi#but while I don't keep up with it anymore - it did result in me creating her#first as a student character and then changing her immediately when I saw a certain villain loool#there was a lot more I was going to say down here but the internet has cut out#So for now I'll just end with...#thanks for your time if you read this 💕#and I look forward to doing more with this character in Genshin and other fandoms#and ofc the collab story she is involved in 😌
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i was so set on replaying veilguard for the davrinmance but oh my god im SO attached to my agent-of-fenharel hardingmancer rn i actually think the choice is out of my hands lol
#oc: evander#datv#tay plays datv#datv spoilers#deia's brother btw !!!! very much giving anders vibes if anders was kind of deadbeat oldest son who frequents the club#him having sold out the inquisition on solas's instruction and then falling for one of the scouts who was hurt the most by it#very much a mirror to solavellan except theyre literally just people and ultimately victims of their leader's organizations overarching war#and harding being sympathetic to solas enough to reach evanders conscience even during Peak radicalization#but holding solas accountable enough to potentially sway evanders mind#and then evander learning the truth about solas but also specifically what that means for harding the person hes grown to love#having to reconcile that his own rebel-fantasy is not more important than the very real pain his loved ones have gone thru as a result#and like figuring out what going forward looks like. is he STILL sympathetic but its tempered? or does he go full anti-solas in an act of#redemption which would also probably involve him telling harding to embrace her anger and not her loving side?? which is kind of the invers#of his own arc.#GOD.#AND THEN ITS LIKE. DO I KILL OFF HARDING AT THE END???? THAT WOULD BE SOOOOO CRAZY FOR THE *STORY*#i think she has to live actually bc i hate the fridged wife trope and solas Is ultimately redeemed in this worldstate#and if harding died bc of solas (and evanders varricmancer sister also lost varric) evander WOULD be team kill immediately no exceptions#but still food for thought#god. chat i am fucking COOKING today this is crazy#hes not technically my rook bc he works way better in the story as a ~companion~ to deia (his sister) the actual protag#but both he and matthas (the other pro-inquisition brother) could arguably have been the Rook as well.#all 3 of the mercar siblings were AT the ritual but for different reasons (evander to aid solas. matthas to kill solas. deia to stop him)#so MAYBE I WILL romance harding instead this time...... how are we feeling abt hardings romance babes is it good. do we recommend
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i do think, aside from mercury bias, if bg had been in all season she would have been all wnba, first or at least second. i think people undervalue her because of the rebounding but she is 1000% the worst officiated player in the league, on both sides of the court. so the fact that she's been able to have the performance that she had is incredible, and that she didn't get the acknowledgment really just underscores how much people take what she does for granted.
#i saw something interesting that kim milky basically has her players specialize and so they come out of college less well rounded#exhibit a angel's shooting vs rebounding#and i didn't watch bg in college so maybe i'm totally wrong on this but maybe rebounding just wasn't he job#and then i saw on reddit or something that maybe because she is so poorly officiated she'd get called for too many fouls on rebounding#for it to be worth it#and while i understand the value of rebounding really i do the mercy's problem wasn't that they weren't trying#well sometimes it was but it was that their whole system wasn't designed for it#if you have 4 players on the perimeter to space and shoot 3#you're going to hope they go in and run the floor instead#teams that rebound well dedicate bodies and time to rebounding#and i believe that it was a conscious choice the merc made to not do that#and if you look at old merc games they struggled with rebounding then too#i actually will have more to say about this in the future but the mercury's style of play has lived and died with dt's style for 20 years#the mercury have the most 100 point games of any franchise#and they are responsible for most of the 200 point total scores across the league#ie their fast break and bad defense lol#and while it's not entirely true - she is not responsible for every result they've ever had - i don't think you get westhead's style of pla#to work without her talent and the penny cappie dt trio in 2006#or at least it isn't successful and maybe doesn't change the pace of play in the league the way it did#it's also interesting that if the lottery draw goes differently in 2006 and merc have the first pick do they get seimone or do they stick#cappie? i think they stick with cappie bc they needed a true pg and from what i've seen seimone is a 2/3#and i don't think dt becomes the player the league knows without having a true pg [vs her playing point]#the thing is dt can play point better than most people but i think she plays better when she has someone else there to help#and her talking about oh i should've won mvp in 2006 [when i dropped 40] [lisa leslie won that year]#and in 2014 [best team ever] [maya moore won that year]#you look at the stats and there is for sure an argument to be made there#but it all comes back to post players#and i know wikipedia says maya is a power forward but she seems like more of a 3 sometimes? i haven't watched her enough#but i don't think dt can win mvp in 2009 without that team specifically#which means [and this is my theory of life] that everything happens the way it has to happen for you to end up where you are today
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screech
#tag rant incoming#the wait until results day is killing me#6 days 17 hours until I log onto ucas and see where I'm going in less than a month#time will not go faster no matter what i do I'm an anxious mess all the time and all I look forward to is going to bed so when i wake up#there's 1 less day to wait#I want to get into my first choice so so so badly and I'm not sure how I'll take it if I don't#my second choice is an equally good uni and course but it's just not the same to me#I'll go anyway if that's what ends up happening cus I know I'll enjoy it eventually but yeah#god has a plan everything happens for a reason etc etc but I'm Scared™#ok positives#today i bought my new laptop that I've been saving for for months - there wasn't any in stock at currys so I'll have to wait for delivery#so now I can finally join discord calls and make silly PowerPoints again#the end of my job is in sight - I wasn't put on the schedule for my last week so now I just have 2 ish weeks to go#on Monday I'm going round to a friend's to play stardew valley#rwrb movie comes out tomorrow#no matter what happens on results day my friends and I are going to a gay bar in Belfast which I'm so excited for#followed by a sleepover with another friend#the future is happening very soon and it's very overwhelming but I will get through it#I am just the unfortunate combination of anxious and impatient#ellis exclaims
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welp i chose the Most Convenient Time Ever to run out of my antidepressants /s
pardon the rant at 5 in the fucking morning
#vent#my mood has been just#absolutely everywhere#i had a bad anxiety attack a couple nights ago#my goddamn paranoia is back#my anxiety is spiking randomly in general#ive barley slept for the past couple weeks because im constantly wired#and the resulting fatigue makes me even less motivated to eat#<(not because of body reasons just that my adderall nukes my appetite)#and to top it off ive been in a state of disassociation for weeks on end#urgh#on the bright side im headed home tommorrow so im looking forward to that#anyway ill live#guess i just needed to get all that off my chest#but some nice anon stuff would be appreciated /nf#if you feel like it
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#its always the fucking chemistry projects that ruin my life#not ready to go back to school ... getting home late & eating the same food everyday & having less free time & hanging out with the same few#people i honestly! don’t even like that much.. zzz i don’t wanna receive my test results either – esp not for math#and i KNOW it gets 100x worse in a college/uni/work environment i think i’m just being a bit of a crybaby but i can’t bring myself to#look forward to anything at all. pass my exams & graduate yay ^__^ -> immediately go back and study some more#then i’ll have to get a job and afhjdkf... maybe i’m thinking too far ahead but it all feels inevitable anyways so does it matter if i am?#i don’t know why i’m struggling so much compared to my peers who don’t see any of this as an issue at all#was i cursed to be sad since primary school#i can’t even talk to anyone about it because my dad [ though he has good intentions ] almost always ends up feeding me a variant of#think about your future Or thats just how student life is. meanwhile my mom will begin a competition of Who Has It Worse?!#my sister has her own stuff going on and my religious aunt will say something along the lines of [ have faith & go with the flow ]#i wish i had someone to confide in but i only ever really have myself i think. it sucks cuz no one seems to get it at all#i know objectively thats probably not true but. ahh i feel so disconnected from everyone#cw negative#cw vent#i didnt intend for this to become a whole thing but i got carried away#💭
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The worst part is not that i procrastinated my term paper to the last minute. I always do that. The worst part is having to send my lecturer the topic proposal a week before the deadline which will undoubtedly be met with some extreme judgment of my time management and i am not in the mood for that
#like boy#if we didn't need to message you about the topic I'd have made one up a week from now and written everything#within 2 days#don't judge me for how i get this done#just evaluate the end result thank you very much#but ok i finally send him an email#you know what's funny is that I'm not even anxious about this#idk what happened to me but the usual panic and mental breakdown i have when it comes to proposing topics and#sending emails is just not present#I'm just so done lmao#i have my first quiz tomorrow morning in one lecture and i have to give my first peer tutoring session in another seminar#next tuesday which involves writing a 14 pages long summary of the topics of the last 2 lectures and then presenting it to my peers#and I have that interview on Tuesday as well#i love everything#at least time flies by this way#I've been counting days until i get back home and this way it feels like I'll be back in no time#(it's not that i hate it here. i just don't know what else to look forward to so seeing my dogs again seems appropriate#i just generally don't enjoy anything so this is not different which i knew beforehand#love to get judged for it ♡)#void screams#academic misery
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i just learned about friendship journals and i now realize that is probably what the girlies in school were probably doing in those notebooks they kept passing around. in theory it sounds really fun but i don’t know if anyone i know irl would be on board for that
#i mean i barely see anyone anymore now that we're all adults and have so much shit going on#i wouldn't even know how to ask someone to start one#feels like one of those things i just missed out on#but i would love to get a handwritten letter again someday. the last time i got one was years and years ago#anyway penpals forever sounds like a neat project! looking forward to the end results#My thoughts
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So I've calmed down. After today's events I find myself even more vindicated in my hatred for my family, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not trying to vent so often on this blog (feels too oversharey), so instead I'll let y'all know that my birthday is in two weeks! Specifically the 24th. So that's cool.
#unma rambles#ignore the tags below I was only going to mention the uni stuff and then things just kinda started rolling out and now it feels like a-#waste to delete them#I'll be heading to uni on the 22nd for orientation on the 23rd though#so that's another year in a row of depressing shit happening around my birthday#at least this time it's something somewhat good (uni) and not my dad shipping me off to a camp I insisted I didn't want to go to#to the point that he forcibly packed my things and made it so I couldn't go back home otherwise that Sunday#which I still haven't forgiven him for#(man every time I think about them I remember something that makes me hate my parents. funny how that works.#It's almost like there's nothing good to remember)#fyi the uni is a christian university that requires attending service for credits which is why I'm not happy#reminder: I'm agnostic but was raised christian in a christian family#and an acquaintance from church is also going to that uni. and attending the same course#which isn't the end of the world but I can't help but feel bummed out#because I just know someone's gonna use her to see how I'm doing since I never answer phone calls#wow I said I wouldn't vent but here I am#tbf my reaction to this is more disappointment and mild annoyance than the depressive spirals I used to deal with#so I guess that means I'm improving#or that it's not big enough of a problem for it to trigger that#oh well#all of this means I'm not exactly looking forward to my birthday but I've never looked forward to one since I was 10#so that's just typical at this point#hm come to think of it the camp thing isn't the only thing that happened near my birthday and resulted in depressive spirals huh#kinda sounds to me like my birthdays have just sucked#at best they were meh and at worst they sucked to the point I look forward to one where nothing happens at this point#that happened once#my birthday had nothing done for it because of reasons (I don't blame my parents for this they had valid reasons to do so)#and I just forgot about it#the tags of my post that was supposed to be about my birthday was not where I expected to unpack my shitty experiences with past birthdays#but here I am I guess
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cutting down my coffee consumption by half and doing yoga nearly every morning has helped my anxiety, but not as much as i'd hoped
like overall my anxiety levels are better but my typical spikes of anxiety when it comes to well, anything vaguely stressful, haven't really decreased in intensity :(
i know change doesn't happen overnight or even in a month but. i just want this ridiculous anxiety to go away forever lol
#have thought about going to the doc about this very often because i do have clinically diagnosed anxiety lol#but the end result of doing that in the past has nearly always just made me feel worse because of the fun combination of ableism and racism#maybe i should cut out coffee completely but honestly i look forward so much to that morning cup lol#think i will go for short runs and lift more often though nothing beats that dopamine 👍🏽
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The stars have aligned, and I'm actually trying my hand at binding a book for the first time in years!
Got the formatting and proofreading done over the weekend, and figured out the printing order for the first few signatures tonight (I swear steam was coming out of my ears at first XD).
And the test print of the first signature was a success! Colour me excited! :D
#viv18chatter#I honestly should not have taken as long formatting as I did#but I'm a)indecisive and b)have a hard time figuring how size on my screen will translate to a physical paper for readability#so I changed fonts and sizes several times#further complicated by using an image for the scene breaks#I should have just put in placeholders then plonked the image there at the end#as I did several times while proofreading#but every time I thought I had picked my font/size and so was safe to place the images#I was wrong lol#but we are done now!#and I'm really happy with the result#it'll take awhile because I have to arrange all the pages into printing order#but I'm looking forward to putting all the signatures together#that was my favourite part last time I tried binding
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