#sending emails is just not present
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The worst part is not that i procrastinated my term paper to the last minute. I always do that. The worst part is having to send my lecturer the topic proposal a week before the deadline which will undoubtedly be met with some extreme judgment of my time management and i am not in the mood for that
#like boy#if we didn't need to message you about the topic I'd have made one up a week from now and written everything#within 2 days#don't judge me for how i get this done#just evaluate the end result thank you very much#but ok i finally send him an email#you know what's funny is that I'm not even anxious about this#idk what happened to me but the usual panic and mental breakdown i have when it comes to proposing topics and#sending emails is just not present#I'm just so done lmao#i have my first quiz tomorrow morning in one lecture and i have to give my first peer tutoring session in another seminar#next tuesday which involves writing a 14 pages long summary of the topics of the last 2 lectures and then presenting it to my peers#and I have that interview on Tuesday as well#i love everything#at least time flies by this way#I've been counting days until i get back home and this way it feels like I'll be back in no time#(it's not that i hate it here. i just don't know what else to look forward to so seeing my dogs again seems appropriate#i just generally don't enjoy anything so this is not different which i knew beforehand#love to get judged for it ♡)#void screams#academic misery
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🏴☠️
#just emailed my bosses to go F themselves letss gGGOOOOOO#not really but my sup. send a message this moring with italics and red font 🙄#vaguing about how my 'team' needs to be present for specific hours regardless of appts#🤔 but all the other campuses are free to leave when no appts 🤔#and i get no raise for this mandatory change becuz 'its in my contract'#uhhhh not the one i signed ho if the one you updated 10 times since then says that not my issue#i said 'k my new hours are 8-3 effective immediately 💘'#they took all day to send me the 'youre not allowed to work from home' email so lets see how long this response takes#my reply was fired off less than 15 mins later 🫡 test me#vent post#sfs
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This is a personal post.
#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#I made the mistake of dipping into the folder of emails from That Man (which I've kept just in case)#just to see if I could take it I guess? which was a mistake#they're full of pretentious rambling and posturing and jargon to establish himself as The Authority#then they drip with flattery: he says I'm brilliant and have so much potential to live up to etc. etc.#but then the little jabs - and the big jabs - the condescending 'I know you can do this'#he would rip me apart in class until I quit speaking up because I was afraid#and then send me emails informing me that my participation grade was lowish and I needed to work on 'playing the game'#and tell me that I was free to disagree! but it had to be based on more than silence#as if he didn't know that he was the reason I shut down#you're not really free to disagree if disagreeing means you get mocked and belittled?#so I couldn't even protect myself from the verbal attacks because I had to provide him fodder for mockery or else get marked down#he made me apologize to a classmate for my 'reticence and impatience' during her presentation on a loaded topic#that I didn’t want to discuss my views on in front of him#and he was so so careful in those emails not to say the worst things but in class...!#and my replies were so subservient#I wouldn't bend on my views but I wanted approval so badly as if what scum like him thought actually mattered#it's over now he's not my problem I know it was not my fault#do I still want to scream at him? yes#do I still want to tell the VP of academic affairs (my old adviser/mentor) the whole story? yes (can't - pointless now)#anyway I am going to go do chores and move on with my day thank you for listening
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i have SO much work to do please give me the strength to get through it today !! i will drink another cup of coffee and hope for the best
#write up of a presentation from last week#translating 30/40 lines of old irish#studying for another midterm#translating some middle welsh also#modern irish hw modern welsh hw#like ten emails to answer and ten more to send#gotta do laundry#take care of the pup#feed myself#and i just wanna do nothingggg
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me turning in my thesis idea paper at 3:25am & ~51 hours late from the actual deadline:
#god i hope my supervisor wont be mad. i was just. very unmotivated during the week and couldnt get the writing done in time#also the fact i had to send the paper via email......... let's just hope she won't look at the timestamp 🫡#since i didnt even have an excuse i just had to write 'sorry for submitting this late and missing the deadline by two days'#i hope that she doesn't care bc it was weekend & easter. i have to present the paper on thursday....#my posts
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Tubehell Challenge... I'm so sorry but I have been dropped in the ocean... I will postpone the start date for you... Just a bit...
You will not be forgotten though this is happening whether the universe wants it to happen or not. The universe knows I'm too powerful and is throwing everything it has at me right now but I will win just you wait man just you wait
#literally have to drop everything for geck...#like I'm gonna have to wake up make some calls send some emails research more stuff#figure out how to clean the tank then clean the tank the best i can then rearrange the decor so its better suited to its needs#THEN figure out the food situation cause what the fuck is THIS#THEN make a list of everything we need which btw#is everything but the fucking gecko#and HOPEFULLY this health check I'm organising doesnt turn up some fatal deficiency caused problems#I'm willing to deal with solving the various health problems it undoubtedly has already#provided i can afford a vet bill longer than my current lifespan#but i do have to deal woth the anxiety of a fucking fatal problem until i can get the checks done...#and make do with what I have for now#WHICH IS A WHOLE LOT OF FABRIC PLASTIC LEAVES AND NOT A LOT ELSE#i swear if my little guy has a serious problem i will never and i mean NEVER forgive my sister for this.#and my niece is on thin ice but only because she's 12#'i just cleaned out the tank' NO YOU DID NOT YOU FUCKING LIAR#GONNA NEED A FUCKING HAMMER AND CHISEL WITH THIS OH MY GOD#my mum paid for this by the way.#this is supposed to be a late birthday present since we agreed i was gonna get a gecko for it#but put it off until i was on my meds#now I'm on meds. my niece wanted rid of her crestie and i have never regretted wanting anything more in my fucking life#what the FUCK okay???#AS IF I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH STRESSES MAN YEAH SURE JUST DROP A HUNDY FOR ANIMAL NEGLECT FOR MY BIRTHDAY#OH WOW THANKS THAT'S MY FAVOURITE#god... I'm going to bed...#and for the record my tag ranting is still not the fucking tip of this iceberg.#i am Overwhelmed. this isn't what i signed up for.#the joy of a new pet has never been more absent#this feels like a rescue or fucking amateur geck a&e#give me strength man I'm dying over here i would choose tubehell over this are you kidding me#hhhhh going to sleep. need it real bad. hopefully it recents my brain and makes this easier cause fuck me...
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i'm procrastinating again LMFAO someone please make me productive this is gonna take at least like 1 hour i think
#chatterye#i got everything else done#i just need to crank this out#and practice it#this is my presentation btw#that's why i'm pushing it off#i need to have it down by tmr (mon) so i am ready for tuesday#someone send me help#i don't know anything#also someone manifest that my schools get back to me#they're pissing me off#and i don't know when i'm supposed to email back the first people because it's been a while#but also i need to know funding WAH but i haven't gotten the official letter so i was waiting for that#but idk if it's gonna come anytime soon
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does everyone like this lil guy I drew on my ipad during my lecture 😙😙
#hes so me frfr#thats actually what i look like guys#this is my gender#im so painfully bored#and ive been sending emails to all my lectuerers telling them im too autism for group work or presentations its soso fun#just a lil guy#i also have a headache and i am not being brave about it
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it's so hard to just. not give up as someone who uses they/them. i am sick of everyone constantly defaulting to she her
#it's syllabus week rn and i am just so sick of that and having to send emails telling professors my “preferred name” instead of my deadname#im just so sick of it idk how to present more nonbinarily it's just not going to happen
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every year i’m in college i learn more & more that most of the time, trying to use my accommodations is just a drain on my time & energy than anything. it’s almost never worth it
#so much dealing with red tape sending emails and planning ahead for what?#our professor rescheduled the exam to the day i have to give a presentation in another class#after i literally chose that presentation date around when the midterm for his class was gonna be based on what the syllabus said#and now he expects me to do alternate testing on the exact same day which for me would be after 2 back to back classes that end at 4 pm#i hate the class anyway & it’s general education so ig i’m just gonna take the l#midnight chatters
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...
#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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#random personal stuff#whining ahead feel free to ignore#going to bed earlier was supposed to fix this#eating lunch was supposed to fix this#still a mess and why isn't this working#the grammar roundtable presentation that I got roped into has been accepted#and the professor heading it up just sent an email about everything we need to do for it#implying that I may need to write a paper#and continuing with the delusion that I both know and care about this topic#I have no ideas for this panel#I don't know where to even start with research#I don't want to do this at all#the very thought of it sends me into panic#but it's my fault for agreeing to this in the first place and I can't get out of it without letting everyone down and destroying the panel#(and my coworker just started blasting a news video on a deeply unpleasant topic so loud I can hear it through my headphones ugh)#anyway this day is awful and it's the anniversary of my grandfather's death and all I want to do is go home and cry#it will be fine but I feel terrible right now
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im fighting my demons rn (trying to focus on my assignments instead of writing the sagau post)
#miyo.chatting#i have to finish like#two essays n send out emails for a study we're conducting#all due on monday but i gotta finish today#god i am not your strongest soldier#how am i supposed to write a persuasive essay about my stance on the value of ethics in present times#when all i can think of is my horribly self-indulgent sagau thoughtspost#i dont even want to think about all the people i have to email for our survey either#dilemma: be an absolute academic menace (be a good student) or just be a menace (post on tumblr dot com)#both give me equal amounts of joy so i cant really decide#maybe ill just flip a coin on google
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:(( so much work to do im going crazy
#one more slide for a presentation#& also memorizing the others im going to present#maybe just everything?#math assignment#studying for a maths test#send an email#and also collecting images for history#but i think im going to leave that for now#like yeah deadline is tomorrow but its just one part of a big project#and we have more time for that#so itll be fine#anyway ive also like just gotten home#had to go to the dentist#she checked on my wisdom teeth for the final time :((#tomorrow were going to figure out how & when to get them removed#i really dont want to :(#but theyre practically horizontal#also i had to xray my teeth#which was horrible and the machine gave me a headache#but if all goes well i shouldnt be in any similar situations anymore for a good while#mine
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maybe she's trying to make me feel better about something i never hated myself for in the first place. A sort of, it's okay, you still count.
It's not that i'm against the inclusivity, per se, but it hurts when i'm trying so hard to leave the category altogether.
#transmasc#trans ftm#context for the unaware: i likely have juuuust slightly enough higher levels of t to have facial hair#so it's not that i want - say - an intersex woman to be excluded on the basis of being seen as 'gnc'#i'm just grrr bite bite at the fact that no matter what i do or how i present i am STILL seen as a woman#something weird emotionally happening this week i guess. maybe i'll feel better once i send my email
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seriously, though. i work in higher education, and part of my job is students sending me transcripts. you'd think the ones who have the least idea how to actually do that would be the older ones, and while sure, they definitely struggle with it, i see it most with the younger students. the teens to early 20s crowd.
very, astonishingly often, they don't know how to work with .pdf documents. i get garbage phone screenshots, sometimes inserted into an excel or word file for who knows what reason, but most often it's just a raw .jpg or other image file.
they definitely either don't know how to use a scanner, don't have access to one, or don't even know where they might go for that (staples and other office supply stores sometimes still have these services, but public libraries always have your back, kids.) so when they have a paper transcript and need to send me a copy electronically, it's just terrible photos at bad angles full of thumbs and text-obscuring shadows.
mind bogglingly frequently, i get cell phone photos of computer screens. they don't know how to take a screenshot on a computer. they don't know the function of the Print Screen button on the keyboard. they don't know how to right click a web page, hit "print", and choose "save as PDF" to produce a full and unbroken capture of the entirety of a webpage.
sometimes they'll just copy the text of a transcript and paste it right into the message of an email. that's if they figure out the difference between the body text portion of the email and the subject line, because quite frankly they often don't.
these are people who in most cases have done at least some college work already, but they have absolutely no clue how to utilize the attachment function in an email, and for some reason they don't consider they could google very quickly for instructions or even videos.
i am not taking a shit on gen z/gen alpha here, i'm really not.
what i am is aghast that they've been so massively failed on so many levels. the education system assumed they were "native" to technology and needed to be taught nothing. their parents assumed the same, or assumed the schools would teach them, or don't know how themselves and are too intimidated to figure it out and teach their kids these skills at home.
they spend hours a day on instagram and tiktok and youtube and etc, so they surely know (this is ridiculous to assume!!!) how to draft a formal email and format the text and what part goes where and what all those damn little symbols means, right? SURELY they're already familiar with every file type under the sun and know how to make use of whatever's salient in a pinch, right???
THEY MUST CERTAINLY know, innately, as one knows how to inhale, how to type in business formatting and formal communication style, how to present themselves in a way that gets them taken seriously by formal institutions, how to appear and be competent in basic/standard digital skills. SURELY. Of course. RIGHT!!!!
it's MADDENING, it's insane, and it's frustrating from the receiving end, but even more frustrating knowing they're stumbling blind out there in the digital spaces of grown-up matters, being dismissed, being considered less intelligent, being talked down to, because every adult and system responsible for them just
ASSUMED they should "just know" or "just figure out" these important things no one ever bothered to teach them, or half the time even introduce the concepts of before asking them to do it, on the spot, with high educational or professional stakes.
kids shouldn't have to supplement their own education like this and get sneered and scoffed at if they don't.
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