#so literally in this fucked up weeks i'm having

[punkrockisafulltimejob]

I literally grew up below the poverty line. My income, as soon as I had a job, went to supplement the household, and with a disabled father my income was the secondary income. We were still below the poverty line. "New" was a novel concept to me and my siblings, because nothing we ever got was new.

I have been blessed with opportunity, I got a full time job, a husband with a stable income, and a third income via my MIL. We just bought a condo, and we were able to spend some money renovating (out of necessity, rather than desire), but we are still firmly lower class. All three of our cars were used when purchased. Mine is 20 years old, and I'm at least the third owner. I'm currently ignoring my check engine light because I cannot afford the repairs I know my car needs. We are basically going to be scraping to pay the mortgage and our bills for the next several months while we attempt to build up a savings again, but more likely than not we're going to be back to living paycheck to paycheck for a while, especially since I can no longer work full time because of my declining health.

The life I live is one singular step up from the poverty I was raised in. When I was a kid, we juggled which bills we'd pay that month. As an adult, I'm using every single penny I have to pay my bills, and even then sometimes I miss a payment on something because I have to wait for my next check to get deposited.

I am poor. I am lower class. Unless something drastic happens in my life, I will always be lower class. This is not a luxury lifestyle by any means. If you try to tell me how "good" I have it because my husband and I, as well as my MIL, have a three income household and can pay the bills, I will eat you. I've lived the lowest of the low, and this is barely above that.

I would (figuratively) kill for a middle class lifestyle. I would love to be able to pay off all my bills and debt and have the automatic payments come out without me obsessing about it it'll put me in the red. I would love to be able to buy books whenever I want them, and not think twice about telling my husband we need to buy another book shelf to hold them. I would love to be able to quit my job and live solely off my husband's income so I can be the house spouse I want to be. I would love to turn my long weekend birthday trip to the beach/fave used book store into a week long adventure, and not have to use the cheapest motel in the area for two nights. I would love to have my hobbies be hobbies and not something I need to monetize in order to make ends meet. I would love to be able to go out to dinner and a movie once a month with my husband, cover the bill for my friends at lunch, buy a new laptop when I need one instead of praying my decade old computer pulls through just a little bit longer. Being able to bring my car to the shop when needed and not having to scrape to pay the mechanic would be amazing. Any of that would put me at *maybe* lower middle class. Not even firmly middle class, lower middle class.

I am not middle class, and I am not your enemy. People who are middle class are not your enemy. People living a life of luxury as celebrities aren't even your enemy. It's the billionaires who profit off of your labor without regard for the fact that you're a human being who deserves to live that are your enemy. Eat the fucking rich.

Ive noticed recently that my generation has... no concept of what the various economic classes actually are anymore. I talk to my friends and they genuinely say things like "at least i can afford a middle class lifestyle with this job because i dont need a roommate for my one bedroom apartment" and its like... oughh

You guys, middle class doesnt mean "a stable enough rented roof over your head," it means "a house you bought, a nice car or two, the ability to support a family, and take days off and vacations every year with income to spare for retirement savings and rainy days." If all you have is a rented apartment without a roommate and a used car, you're lower class. That's lower class.

And i cant help but wonder if this is why you get kids on tumblr lumping in doctors and actors into their "eat the rich" rhetoric: economic amnesia has blinded you to what the class divides actually are. The real middle class lifestyle has become so unattainable within a system that relies upon its existence that theyve convinced you that those who can still reach it are the elites while your extreme couponing to afford your groceries is the new normal.

[jayktoralldaylong]

One of my favourite things about Arcane is that all the couples can be read as toxic, which is GREAT.

I'm tired of people bringing morality debates into dark media. Let dark media be fucking dark. You guys wouldn't survive a day in the TMA fandom, needing everyone to be as good as gold. How are they going to make for enjoyable complex characters if they're not morally grey. In fact, I wish there'd been more expansion on just how morally black they can become!

"CaitVi is so toxic" According to lesbian statistics, that sounds just about accurate. 💀 Heck, I wish Caitlyn had done more (Not really, but it would have been nice to further explore the darkness in her heart). Isn't it adorable how she immediately folded as soon as Vi called her cupcake? Caitlyn's like one of those villains that will consistently do the most....until it comes to someone else hurting her girlfriend. The only one allowed to hurt her girlfriend is her. 💀

Then let's talk about Vi. Someone pointed out how Vi never cared about Zaun's independence in the first place and many people yelled that they were wrong. But actually, they were right. Vi never wanted Zaun. Zaun was Silco's dream, and Jinx inherited that dream cause Silco would never shut up about it. Vi wanted Piltover to take responsibility for all the shit they allowed to happen in the Undercity. That's a part of the reason she joined up with Caitlyn in the first place. Let's not forget she wasn't dissuaded when she dragged Jayce down to fight with her and he killed a child. Children been dying, it's been her whole life. Someone needed to do something about it, and Zaun would have just isolated the people from all the privileges that Piltover SHOULD have been providing for them. Some people just can't accept that Independence cannot in fact solve every problem, and sometimes independence is colonisers running away from the responsibility of fixing the mess that they started in the first place.

Besides, we all know Vi joined up with the Enforcers because "I feel like I am worthless if I can't be of service." She'd already run out of family members to serve, Caitlyn was the next best thing. She's just like Jayce.

And speaking of Jayce, let's talk about his violent levels of codependency with anyone who'll give him attention. People LOOOOVE to talk about Mel, but it's there with Viktor too. When bro wasn't basing his worth on his inventions, he was centering it around Viktor.

Viktor who decided at some point in his life that he would not LIVE without Jayce. He was fine dying without him, but living without him was unacceptable. Oh how healthy. 🙄😂 Viktor be the kind of toxic ex to threaten divorce 500 times over, then burn the world when you actually leave him. Jayce is no better cause he's the kind of guy to keep going back to his toxic Ex.

Yes, Mel is manipulative. That's what I love about her. How are you guys failing to give this woman the praise of being an outsider in Piltover, but running their entire council. 💀 Girl raises her hand once and the whole government starts spinning. She was the best sugar mummy Jayce and Viktor could ever ask for. She kept the whole city running. Literally the entire of Piltover dancing on her palm. And yes she manipulated Jayce but let's not forget she thought that was a love language. 💀 You wanna be mad at someone, be mad at Ambessa for raising her that way.

I also don't think it's fair to blame her for the Undercity situation, she's not native. Monkey see, monkey do, and not a single one of those Council members actually cared about the situation down there, it was deplorable. 💀 Jayce did way more in his two weeks as Councillor than any of those drug pushing, money laundering, Piltovian heads of government.

And that just covers MelJayVik, we don't even need to get fully into TimeBomb, cause we know what's wrong there. 💀 Surely we have not forgotten the many teammates Jinx has killed, but making sure to never kill Ekko cause that's her man. Ekko has a lot to unpack, like how his consistent and unwavering love for Jinx is an indication of a lot of doors he might not be ready to open. I know they dynamics go crazy and I love to see it.

Ambessa and Sevika are a crack ship but I'm sure we all know bedroom dynamics go crazy with Mrs. Warlord and Miss Liberation. I love it when characters clash in a toxic heap. It's insane and should be explored.

Quit saintifying my toxic ships with your woke morality debates. If you want everyone to be sunshine and rainbows then you should be watching literally anything else. 💀 "It's not healthy." GOOD, I like it that way. 💀 Angst, spice and trauma are the recipe for a plethora of explorative fanfiction. Any of their dynamics can be taken in any toxic direction and I want that EXPLORED.

[angeisherexoxo]

Manifestation cheatcode:

BE NONCHALANT!!!!!!

When I say be nonchalant I mean say you want it done? And move on with your life, just move on.. its simple! And when ppl say its simple ik you're like "how??? How its simple because I've been working so hard to get what i want my entire life and now you're suddenly telling me it is simple.. how is it simple????" I will tell you how just read the post. (Long post ahead)

As i was saying, decide your desir, affirm for it and move on, what do I mean by moving on? I mean:

1. NOT OVERTHINKING IT

2. NOT STRESSING IT!!!

Because if you're someone who gets whatever tf they want, whenever tf you want.. why do you even think twice about it right?

♡: Examples from My own life lately:

1. As some of you might noticed I disappeared here, because I have midterms and I'm a medical student so I've got to study more yeah? Since i didn't study ever since the term started (I was focusing on manifesting as you see in my latest posts)

But as I started focusing on studying and nothing but studying my manifesting process POURED ON ME!!!!!!! bitch I was complaining about how I don't get money as a college student (we have financial issues) , now as I focused on studying and dropped thinking about manifesting (because my brain is so busy inhaling study sheets) suddenly mom gave me 20$ bucks to buy medical sheets for my studies, then she gave me another 10$ to buy something else if i wanted, later at the same day dad gave me another 20$ JUST BECAUSE (Which never happened) , that was at 24 of December right? Yesterday suddenly a relative of ours got sick, and I have an exam, we had to go pick up my grandma so she visits the relative yeah??? She saw me and decided to give me 20$, and I'M NOT EVEN FOCUSING ON MONEY or manifesting I'm literally busy studying..

Q: So ange what happened there? What does this all mean?

A: I HAD no time to even think against what I want!! That's what fkn happened, before studying I was inhaling affirmations and repeating, now as I've let it go (by inhaling my studies and not having time to think about my manifesting process) it all just worked out, who would know that I will suddenly see my grandma and she'll give me money? I DIDNT SEE HER IN MONTHS!!! that's what they mean when they say everything will move for you to have your desires, for me it was that relative who got sick that caused me to see my grandma (pray for the relative btw thanks<3)

And this here was being nonchalant but I did it by studying, YOU can just say you want this to happen and fkn forget about it, Yk when we complain always about buying this book we DESPERATELY want, or that guitar or that phone or that car or laptop and then when we BOUGHT IT and it's in our room we just- ignore it, literally live as if we never desperately begged for it and that's the fkn key, i never understood what bloggers mean when they say “Embody the person you want to be, dont wish you are, YOU ARE, assume you have it and you will” that's what they fkn mean, weeks ago I was hoping for a 10$ now I've got like 30$ per day!

2. My studies!!!

As a medical student it's fine hard to study medicine, especially when you're lazy like my own dumbass, I only study the days before the exam, for example yesterday I had a midterm for 4 sheets that I studied in 2 days, each sheet have 14 pages that's FILLED with informations, and as a girl who has ADHD and a messy mind it was hard to focus and honestly I'm princess coded I just want shit done without being tired I'm sure you all understand since you're reading this, we want it done in the most simple fast way yeah? Fuck yes we do, so! Whenever I stressed and complained to ANYONE (I'm a complainer) I started reflecting the complaining, if I noticed I was about to complain to my friends or My parents about my studies I just immediately start bragging to them, I be like oh it's so easy to me and I'm even smarter than the professors there and LORD how it's easy to predict their exam questions, and istg as I focused on this technique (if I thought against what I want, I immediately start correcting myself and think as if I'm so smart *I am btw* and it's all so easy to me) that's what fkn happened, yes I got tired and I've got so many back pain while studying but I suddenly started making questions out of the sheet instead of just studying the information as the professor has stated it, for example if he said components of immune system are : innate immune system and acquired immune system, I be like oh that's easy he's gonna ask me : Q: What are the components of immune system?

This made it so much easier to study and the next day in the midterm I saw 6 questions of the ones I fkn made in the sheet!!! It's like I hacked his mind???

3. My last and third example of My life is also about my studies, as I said I'm so princess coded and sensitive af guys, and I hate college as a girl who wants no stress and just success, so the last weeks I skipped college, I was sick and stressed and just had so many issues going on so I didn't go, and that's where they announced my name because I crossed the limit of absence (strict medical bitches) and if you cross this limit they won't let you attend the midterms and therfore you won't pass the final because there is a gap due to the lack of the midterm grades, even if you wanted to pass the final you'd have to get a full mark no matter what so you avoid the damage of not attending the midterm, SINCE my cute ass crossed the limit of absence it means I can't attend the midterm, LOGICALLY it means I failed the midterm already isn't it?

But I just decided that it won't hurt me in anyway, why? Because manifesting isn't about logic, if you tell me you can't fly I'll say I can fly and one day I will!! And guess what? That's what happened

The boss of our major came yesterday (first midterm exame as i said) and called my name, and she gave me a paper saying that I only didn't attend one subject- which is so untrue bitch I skipped them all!!! How tf there's only one subject????? I didn't want to correct her I just signed the paper (signing it is like a promise that I won't do it again) and just like that I survived the whole danger of failing- was it logical?? Did it make sense? NOOOOO but it happened omgmgmfmiquwuwu2!!!!

START BELIEVING THAT IT ISN'T LOGICAL, ITS LIKE SUPERHEROES MOVIES, THEY BELIEVE THEY HAVE THE POWER TO DEFEAT THE VILLAIN AND THIS IS HOW THEY DEFEAT IT, THE VILLAIN HERE IS YOURRRR MINDSET, START DOING WHAT I SAID AND SEE HOW SHIT SHIFTS!!!!

I've got more to say for the examples but I've got to go study (wish me luck btw), I hope I helped I really tried my best to <3!

Ps: another side example is yesterday was hella cold in my country so I wanted a vacation (to study more because as I told yall it was 4 sheets and I stressed myself out so I wanted more time to get my shit together) no one said ANYTHINNNG at all about any vacation, but I just thought "idc they're gonna give us a vacation for the bad weather and that's just it) right next hours the whole country started talking about the vacation due to bad weather, all the fkn cities, but for some reason my stupid town decided that there will be no vacation for us because our town's weather is better than the other towns yk? I'm still mad about it because I was soooo close to manifest it, I guess it was because I kept stressing saying "oh god I want a vacation *crying and complaining*

I don't consider it as a success story because I had no vacation I had to go solve that stupid midterm -_- but bitch I got above 10+ towns to have vacations due to BAD WEATHER, THE WEATHER WAS FINE UNTIL I DECIDED ITS BAD. WTFFFFFF, exactly, no logic, logic doesn't fkn exist I'm about to cry oh my godness!!

Another side success story is that i suddenly started thinking void is so easy (it fkn is) out of nowhere, since i was inhaling attempting to tap into it i sat so many alarms to go try to induce it, now whenever i see the alarms i be like- its so easy why tf im complicating it- just bcs i stopped focusing on it!

cheers to all of us dreamers, I'm sure whoever is reading my post is someone who was one a wattpad person who loves Y/N stories, a Harry potter fan, marvel fan, my hero academy fan, fantasy fan, miraculous ladybug fan, in general ppl who just dont want to be here surrounded with logic boring stuff (in my case a girl who wrote fanfiction novels about one directio) , because I know you and I are here because we are dreamers!! we knew there MUST be a magical key to get out of this logical bullshitful and stupid cruel world, you already have the key you FOUND IT YOU CUTE IDIOT!!! you just need to know how to flick it and get that golden door opened (your pretty subconscious mind), me and you? We are gonna do it, just easy on yourself!!! Xoxo

[werevampiwolf]

Yeah. At 19, I was finally diagnosed with autism and as unable to live independently without years of occupational therapy and my mother said "fuck that" and threw me out of the house two days later. She'd fought the doctors my entire life to stopbe from being diagnosed, because then that would mean there was something "wrong" with me.

I was homeless for over a year. I'm no longer homeless, mostly due to getting very very lucky with circumstances outside my control (like the fact that I was young enough and had been homeless long enough while continuing to take classes at the local community college to qualify for a government grant for Unaccompanied Homeless Youth, which allowed me to get an apartment. And i was only able to take classes because I was poor enough that the classes were free, and because i had a broken laptop and it never got stolen AND i already knew how to fix computers so I was about to Franken-Computer it into it being and staying at least slightly usable AND the fact that the nearest Starbucks was understanding and didn't throw me out or call the cops when I spent hours in there to do coursework), so my mother takes this as a win. Obviously, the doctor must have been wrong because when I was forced to sink or swim, I've stayed alive (very literally in this case).

I would argue that even now, going on a decade later, I'm not so much "living on my own" as I am "barely surviving", but I try to make it very clear, both to her and to people I tell this story to, that the problem with "Sink or Swim" is that people who sink fucking DROWN.

Because even as someone who was forced, and who managed to just barely keep my head above the water... I'm a very staunch opponent to the idea of Sink or Swim. What I had to live through was horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. But not only that, I was very acutely aware that my only options were to figure it out or to quite literally Die.

As someone who survived the extreme of the other side of this coin that OP is talking about... the idea that I or anyone else could manage to survive such circumstances and then turn around and insist that the ends justify the means is both baffling and appalling to me, though I know that it very much happens. I cannot see it as anything other than "I suffered, so you should have to suffer too." It's awful to be on either side of this coin, and if you think it's okay for force people to Sink or Swim, whether you've been in that situation or not, than you can fuck right off with that shit.

Side note, I'm someone with support needs on the higher end of medium. I still can't manage to brush my teeth independently, and I don't manage to feed myself consistently, though I at least manage to do it often enough to get enough calories in me to stay alive (and that's ignoring anything other than calories that make up a healthy and balanced diet, because that's not an option for me. It's eat whatever junk food I manage to get into my my mouth or starve). I have to rely on schedules, because my brain doesn't really understand what hunger feels like. I just eventually feel like I'm going to throw up, and if I'm lucky, my brain figures out that I haven't eaten in all day and that's probably why. But there are days when, even if you put a plate of food in front of me, it wouldn't occur to me to eat it. I will just sit there and stare at it (or into space) without outside promoting to eat. I maybe manage to take out the trash or do laundry every two weeks if I lucky, and sometimes it's only once a month, or less. I have plastic bottles that haven't been taken out in at least six months, and probably closer to a year. Perhaps the only reason I can see the other side of this coin is because I basically live as close to edge as is physically possible without going over the edge, but I really hope that's not it. I don't think people should have to be constantly teetering on the knife-edge of this reality to understand that It's Really Fucking Bad to force people to Sink or Swim, or as I prefer to call it, Survive Or Die.

I don’t think people understand how it is to have been behind on EVERY milestone. Learning how to walk? Late. Learning to read? Late. Learning to use the bathroom independently? Late. Every single milestone was late.

And when you have this, people ask questions. People bully you. Why can’t you shower by yourself at 9,10,15,20? Why can’t you brush your teeth independently and frequently? Why can’t you tie your shoes? Why can’t you do math? Why can’t you do this, or that.

And then there’s the people on social media. “Well I was forced to.” “Well I didn’t have a choice” and that’s understandable and completely valid, but there are people that no matter how much you force them, or neglect them so they “figure it out” they won’t “figure it out”. They’ll die. They’ll starve. They’ll not bathe and be dirty.

Higher support needs people don’t just “figure it out” our brains are wired differently. Our brains don’t get that we HAVE to do these things just to survive. So we don’t. And that sucks.

It’s disheartening to constantly hear people say “well i was forced to” because so was I!! I was forced to do things too! I was neglected too! And guess what? I still didn’t do those things. I STILL wasn’t able to meet those milestones.

The big one that I see is “well I’m forced to talk.” And I get that, but me, a person that’s nonverbal, can’t be forced to talk. No matter if I’m neglected, no matter if my device is taken away or I have no way of communication. I still wouldn’t be able to talk. I CANNOT force myself to talk. Get that through your heads. This is my reality, and although yours sucked there are still some people who cannot do things, and saying that they could if they were “forced” is invalidating of them.

[portraitofalinkonfyre]

12 Days of Christmas: 2024 Christmas Event

Day 1: Secret Santa

Pairing: The Chain & Reader

Warning(s): N/A

Notes: Staring off strong with some secret Santa shenanigans. Enjoy!

Main Masterlist | Event Masterlist | Next Day

In hindsight, introducing the idea of 'Secret Santa' while stuck in an alternate dimension with eight men might not have been the best choice on your very modern, very medievally-challenged part, because you were quite sure you hadn't been given a moment's peace since explaining the concept to the little assholes a day ago.

"Wild, buddy, my ride-or-die, I said no," you groaned as Wild's puppy eyes ratcheted up a level, practically glimmering in his skull. The Champion was unusually persistent in his quest to discover which of them would be the (lucky) recipient of whatever gift you could manage to scrounge up in this hellhole of a dimension. Not that the others hadn't tried; even you weren't daft enough to notice several of the little-er bastards sticking their grubby fingers into your stuff while the older bastards distracted you with similar mischief. You already accepted that complete privacy was a hard-pressed luxury in Hyrule, but this was getting ridiculous, even more so that Time, Twilight, Wars, and Sky–the responsible ones, you called them–were nowhere to be found.

"Just a hint?" Wild's eyes widened, and you could have sworn his pupils had all but swallowed the brilliant blue of his irises. It would have been adorable, but your patience was growing dangerously thin. The Cook leaned in close; like that would entice you to reconsider. "I won't tell."

"Uh huh," your arms crossed over your chest, and you scooted so far back that you nearly fell from the log you were sitting on. Damn him, and damn Hyrule and Legend, who had been watching the exchange with open intrigue.

"C'mon, I won't say a word," the Champion cajoled. He was basically on top of you, and you were torn between stomping to find Time, who wouldn't dare be this annoying, or surrendering to the laughter threatening to bubble from your chest. "Cross my heart-–

"Nope," you interrupted quickly when Wind's ears gremlin ears perked up from across the camp. He was too young, too beautiful, to be praying for death. Attempting to steer the conversation back to saner waters, you raised a brow. "For someone who's never played, you don't seem concerned with what to get your Secret Santa. Feeling lucky, Champ?"

"Absolutely," he said with the smoothness of Nutella over bread. Fuck, you wished Hyrule had that. The sun beat down over the camp, and you absentmindedly tugged on the collar of your tunic. "Plus, the bet–"

"Wild!" Hyrule hissed, ears pinking, and you nearly choked at the admission, horror lacing your expression.

"Wait, you're all betting on my Secret Santa?"

"Duh!" Wind joined the conversation with his usual amount of teenage sass, sauntering over to plop next to you on the log, a hair's breadth away from swinging those tangerine-covered legs over your lap. "I'm a pirate!"

"You're a child," you replied without missing a beat, sticking your tongue out at the young sailor. "And I'll be having a word with Time about letting you make bets."

Wind rolled his eyes, obviously recalling the time you'd caught him attempting to make off with one of Wild's bomb arrows after Legend dangled the promise of a two-week free trial with the fire rod upon completion. "Please, that was one time."

"Wind, I'm going to hold your hand when I tell you this–"

The sailor's resulting grimace was the stuff of legend. "Ew, cooties–"

"–but back in my age, you have to be eighteen to make bets with money," you paused to register his statement, brows furrowing. Cooties, really? In a world where Herpes existed? "Child, you're literally proving my point."

"Now sailor, ya know tha's dangerous," Twilight materialized behind you to comment, expression the picture of amusement, while you let yours reflect how unimpressed you were.

"Hey, Twi. How much did you toss in? Five rupees? Ten?" You raised a brow. "Twenty?"

A snort left the Rancher's mouth. He leaned down, meeting your gaze with the best shit-eating grin you'd seen outside of Wild. "Ya know 'm not a betting kind, darl'."

"Bullshit," you hissed, pushing his face away with your palm. "Thirty? Forty? You're flattering me here."

Twilight rolled his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest, though he didn't look the least bit nonplussed. "Ya think 'm made of rupees, darlin'?"

"Absolutely not, you're just as broke as the rest of us," you chuckled, flicking your finger in his direction. The others joined in, and you caught Wind's body when he dissolved into giggles, collapsing against your shoulder, using your free hand to ruffle sandy-blonde locks. "Woah, man overboard!"

The camp laughed once more, and no more was said of anyone's Secret Santa. Until the next morning.

The sun was on the rise when you woke, stretching your arms and settling more solidly against the plush fabric of your bedroll, squished between Wind and Sky's respective sleeping positions. The Chosen Hero had an arm tossed haphazardly over your stomach, while the Sailor had somehow managed to meld himself to your shoulder, like you were the meat to the metaphorical sandwich. It was a comforting weight, and you would have stayed had your bladder not chosen that exact moment to express its displeasure with an urgent cramp. 

Grumbling to yourself, you extracted yourself from the pile, ignoring Sky's sleepy mumble when his arm flopped against your bedroll, though Wind quickly became his next target and you trudged away knowing everything was once more right in the world, silently slinking past the snoozing forms of Time and Twilight to the forest. 

A thin breeze swept through the trees as you weaved between them, rustling the thick, sun-dappled canopy. Once satisfied that you wouldn't be walked in on by an overactive hero with your pants down, you did your business and returned to camp, sighing at the relieved pressure in your abdomen. 

Now, let it never be said that you enjoyed being a tease, but watching the chain scramble to discover just what you were planning for 'secret santa' was more than entertaining; from the moment you dropped the small slips of paper in Legend's shed hat to be drawn to the last time you had caught Wild and Four peering into your traveling pack. Even Time and Warriors, who were arguably the most mature of the bunch, were only slightly more discrete in discovering just what you had planned for the recipient of your gift, though you suspected it was partly because Time had years of experience in this sort of fuckery and Warriors' time as a captain had taught him to be especially thorough when conducting searches. 

Still, there was no hidden joy in their faces when Wild would pester you about the subject, so you knew they hadn't discovered it yet. You also knew that they weren't curious enough to search your clothes pockets, where the thin slip of paper proclaiming your charge lay. 

As expected, the camp was mostly deserted by the time you managed to saunter your half-awake ass back into it. Four, Hyrule, and Legend lay in a heap of limbs that had you wincing, while Wind was playing the dutiful teddybear for Sky's more cuddly provocalities. Time and Warriors had found each other in Twilight's absence, the Rancher having left their company in favor of rolling up his bedroll, ears perking up when you approached. 

"Hey, darl'," the hero greeted, tightening the straps containing the bedroll in a tight coil. "Sleep well?"

"You bet," you answered, plopping down beside him. You sat cross-legged, elbows perched on upwards curve of your thighs. "And you?"

"'S well as any other night," the Rancher answered, running a hand through his sleep-tosseled hair. You debated grabbing your comb to help him out, but ultimately held back; best not to steal Warriors' only pleasure in life. "What's got ya up so early? Ah know we're doin' that secret... remind me th' name 'o that 'gain?"

"Santa," you corrected. 

"Tha's the one! Anyways, ah know we're doin' tha' thing tah-day, but ya don't gotta wake up early, 'e'll love whatever ya get 'em."

You grinned at his attempt to reassure you, using one of your hands to lay a gentle clap on the blade of his shoulder. "I appreciate it, Twi, but that's not why I'm up."

"Oh?" 

"Actually, I was wondering if you've seen Wolfie lately?" you asked, purposefully keeping the question vague. If there was anyone who knew where the elusive wolf was, it was his unofficial bestie, Twilight. 

"Wolfie, eh?" the Rancher hummed, putting a finger to his chin. "'M sure I could track 'im down for ya. May ah ask why?"

You shrugged. "I just miss him. Plus, you wouldn't want him to miss his first Secret Santa, right?"

Abruptly, Twilight sat up a bit straighter, as if caught off guard. His ears twitched. "Hol' up. Yer including 'im in this?"

"Um, yes?" You leveled the Rancher with a puzzled look. However you looked at it, Wolfie was an integral part of the team, and deserved to be treated as such, which is why you felt no shame in adding a slip of paper with his name on it into the hat when no one was looking. The furry sweetheart was already known for bringing back things, so whoever drew his name wouldn't be missing out. "He's one of us, Twi. It wouldn't be fair to not include him."

"Not include who?" A new voice cut in, and you shot a lazy wave to Warriors, who was in the process of worming his way from the cocoon that was his bedroll. "Please tell me we're talking about Legend, no one'll tell me who got him."

"First of all, rude, and second of all, no," you stuck your tongue out at the Captain, who had managed to maneuver himself next to you and Twilight, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "I was asking Twi about Wolfie, it's been a bit since we've seen him."

"Hm," said Warriors, looking marginally less invested at the realization that you weren't discussing his mortal enemy in sass and sarcasm alike. He ran a hand through his hair and you were instantly jealous of how easily his fingers slipped through the almost golden strands. "Now that I think about it... have you tried the forest?"

"A bit," you admitted, glancing around the surrounding area. It was empty, but you still looked. "He usually comes to us, but with all the portal-hopping we've been doing..."

"Ain't no reason ta worry," Twilight clapped your shoulder as he stood, rolling his shoulders. "He looked back and shot you a dazzling smile. "Ah'll find 'im, dont'cha worry."

With that, he disappeared into the thick forest.

It was time.

You arranged for everyone to sit in a circle, noting that they all seemed to be clutching some sort of item. You were no exception, cradling a thin bundle of fabric to your chest; you hadn't quite known what to get your Secret Santa, but you hoped it would be well-received regardless.

"Is everyone ready?" Time asked, though the look he threw you suggested that he was only taking charge to quell the excited jittering before the heroes descended upon one another in a frenzy.

There was a chorus of agreement, and you sat taller. Twilight had returned a bit ago, claiming that Wolfie was 'nowhere to be found', and while you were skeptical–and frankly a bit worried–you let it go, ushering him to sit with a large smile. Even so, you couldn't keep them waiting, which is why you cleared your throat. "Perfect! You may begin."

There was a clatter as Wild practically launched himself at Wind, proudly displaying what could only be a smaller version of Twilight's hookshot. The craftsmanship was clear, and your heart melted when the Sailor's mouth dropped, eyes nearly popping out of his skull.

"This is awesome!" exclaimed the youngest hero, running a hand over the gleaming surface. "I've never– thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You're welcome," Wild scratched the back of his neck, obviously pleased. "I'm glad you like it."

The Champion's gift-giving was quickly followed by Four, who presented Hyrule with a new sword that shone brighter than water, the hilt decorated with small green gemstones; then Time, who commissioned a new pair of boots for Warriors. Legend was next, handing Wind

The Champion's gift-giving was quickly followed by Four, who presented Hyrule with a new sword that shone brighter than water, the hilt decorated with small green gemstones; then Time, who commissioned a new pair of boots for Warriors. Legend was next, producing a large sack full of metallic fragments that gleamed in the pale light and handing it to the resident smith, who looked a bit teary-eyed at the offering, and Warriors took no prisoners in gifting Twilight a loop of metal-reinforced rope, already tied in a short lasso at the end. You felt a tap on your shoulder, and Wind was behind you, holding something behind his back. 

"This is for you!" The sailor proclaimed, practically shaking with excitement as he shoved a mass of blue-green fabric into your arms. "I wasn't sure what to get you at first, but I saw this in Time's Hyrule and it looked perfect!"

You grinned at the admission, unraveling the fabric to reveal a stunning cape. It was long and smooth, with the Hylian Crest emblazed on the back in brilliant white stitching. "Wind, I love it," you pulled the Sailor into a hug, mindful of the wrapped bundle still held against your chest. "It's everything I've ever wanted."

Wind's eyes bugged out, and you could practically see the stars glimmering in his sea-swept irises. "Really?!"

"Of course," you giggled, leaning down to press a kiss to the crown of his head. You shook the fabric out, then wrapped it around your shoulders, marveling at the way it fluttered around your ankles, lighter than silk. "Thank you, Sailor."

Wind's cheeks pinked, and he sputtered something but accepted your affections with a beaming smile. Until he perked up, noticing the bundle of fabric in your arms. "Wait, you haven't given your gift yet?"

You shook your head, feeling a bit sad despite the blatant cheer going around--Sky definitely deserved those new strings for his harp and Time was completely valid for grinning upon receiving new gauntlets from Twilight. "Ah, yeah-- It is."

"Then give it!"

A chuckle escaped you at Wind's insistence. You patted the Sailor's head. "I wish, buddy. He's not here yet."

Wind's brows furrowed as he scanned the group, expression becoming quizzical when he found that everyone was present. "But we're all here?"

"Not necessarily," you huffed, just as the others seemed to take note of the gift still in your arms.

Wild was the first to speak, brushing his bangs from his face with one hand while the other held the carved ladle set Sky had gifted him. "Wait, is that your gift? Who's it for?"

You scratched the back of your neck, knowing that the wait was up. "Uh... It's for Wolfie, but he's not here," you cast a cursory glance across the camp in case the furry baby was lurking somewhere among the bedrolls, but he was nowhere to be seen. "so I'm just hanging on to it until he shows up."

Silence, then Legend grumbled, pulling a sack of rupees from his pocket and chucking them at Twilight with a glare that could have killed a weaker man. "You fucking cheat, Rancher."

Right. They had made bets on this.

"Seriously, guys?" You asked incredulously as Wild and Hyrule forked over their own sacks to the Rancher, who looked curiously shocked. Didn't he say he hadn't participated? "Oh my H– how did you know!?"

"Ah didn't," responded Twilight, holding his spoils with a bewildered expression. Silently, Sky added a sack to the growing pile in the Rancher's arms. Time looked distinctly disappointed, but that could have just been his face. "Ah was jus' jokin'–"

"Joking or not, you fooled us," Legend huffed like the sore loser he was. "Man, I was sure it was Warriors."

"Me? Why?" The Captain raised a brow, his query flanked by your very baffled: "Him? Why?"

The Veteran scoffed, and you knew this was about to get good. Until he opened his mouth and you were instantly reminded of how much of a little shit Legend was. "Because you've been sneaking around him like a rat. I thought it was obvious."

You blinked. "A rat?!"

"OKay," Warriors interrupted before things could get ugly. "I'm sure there's some way we can get it to him. Speaking of," he glanced at your face, then the bundle, then back to your face. "What did you get Wolfie?"

Grinning, you unveiled the gift, revealing a long, thick bone. It was approximately the length of your forearm; lightly browned from the gentle steaming it had received a few days prior to enhance flavor.

"Woah," breathed Wild in reverence, and you were glad at least someone recognized the effort. Tracking down the best butcher in Hyrule while simultaneously being tailed by at least two heroes at any given moment was no easy feat, but you had done it, and, by god, were you proud. "I'm almost jealous."

"Well, now ah know 'e'll love it," Twilight said, looking equally impressed. "If ya give it ta me, I'll make sure 'e gets it, darl'."

"Are you sure? I can hang on to it–"

But the Rancher was already taking the bone from your grasp, and, really, was it the worst thing when, the very next morning, a very satisfied Wolfie rolled into camp, practically dropping into your lap like a fly, with your gift in his jaws?

I might rewrite this idea into another one of my fics, but enjoy this (very late) standalone for now! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate)!!

[fbfh]

Could I request a drabble with Dave Lizewski and his best friend who has a major crush on Kick Ass and tells Dave all the dirty details?

OOOOOH SCRUMDIDDLYUMPTIOUS. aged up to 18+ obvs, give me a hoot or holler in the notes or my ask box if you want a fluffier version lol

Dave always wondered why girls never noticed him. he figured it was cause he's a quiet geeky nerd who likes comic books and superheroes. nope. it's because of you. when you first met Dave - however old you were, freshman, middle schoolers, kindergarteners - you latched the fuck onto this boy so fast. you've always been protective over him, always had that vibe that says you fuck with him, I'll fuck you up. besides, having a best friend as hot as you immediately made everyone assume he's totally off the market. like, it should be obvious. being "best friends" with someone as hot as you, spending all your time together - you have sleepovers for god's sake. EVERYONE at school fully believes you're fucking. the only ones unaware of this are Dave and Todd and Marty and possibly yourself.

it's at one of these infamous sleepovers that you finally spilled the beans. you've been obsessing over kickass for weeks, constantly talking about him and his exploits to Dave. you just got your hands on another grainy, horribly low quality picture of kickass stopping a purse snatching from someone's video doorbell. you're sitting at Dave's desk while he's flopped on his bed, finishing some homework.

"fuck I want him in my mouth so fucking bad..."

it just slips out, but Dave is instantly hard. he startles, sputtering and desperate to know who his best friend is practically moaning for.

"y-you want who?!" he demands in confusion at your sudden outburst, causing both of you to laugh. you turn the monitor towards him, and Dave sees himself looking back. his stomach does the thing, that flippy jerky oh shit thing from both anxiety and horniness. he is really, really hard now.

"k-kickass?" he asks, his voice getting all whiny and cracking in that way you've always found so cute.

"yes!" you exclaim with a laugh, looking at him incredulously. "come on Dave, you told me about a sex dream you had about our math teacher two days ago. he groans half heartedly at you bringing up.

"I already regret telling you about that." he protests playfully, his voice muffled into his duvet.

"just look at him," you sigh, already looking at the pictures of kickass. "look at his arms... I'd probably cum just from him putting me in a headlock."

Dave nearly chokes on his spit. He's really glad he's laying on his stomach so you can't see the way he's kind of rubbing against his mattress. it's not on purpose or anything, it's not like he's trying to get off to his best friend (even though he has before. like a lot. like he has to clear his porn search history because it's all descriptors of people who look like you) but when you're going on and on about how wet you'd get from being choked by a guy without realizing he's actually inches away from you... well, what is he supposed to do??

"christ, you can see his whole bulge in this one," you murmur, biting you lip. "I have never wanted to suck someone off so bad."

Dave lets out a choked noise, which you interpret as more playful disgust over your thirsting.

"I'm serious!" you exclaim. "I swear to god, he could keep me barefoot and pregnant and I'd thank him."

Dave's hips have started moving faster on their own as he grinds against his mattress. he knows he shouldn't prod for more details of what you'd do to kickass - to him - he knows you're his best friend and that you'd probably think he was some sick freak if you knew the truth, that he's kickass and he's getting off to you listening to you talk about him like that. Dave loves you, he respects you and admires you and cherishes your friendship so much, so why is feeling guilty and conflicted about about listening to you unintentionally dirty talk like this making it feel so good??

"literally, I would make sure his balls were always empty. like, always." you state.

each word that tumbles out of your mouth makes his blood burn with lust.

"U-uh huh," he chokes out, fighting for his LIFE not to moan in front of you right now.

"just one chance," you sigh, "I just know he's majorly packing. Bet he cums a lot too." you murmur.

you're pouting now. pouting over not being able to taste his cock. the same cock Dave is trying to discreetly jerk off just a few feet away from you. he whines softly, praying you won't notice as you continue to look through photos of him as kickass.

"I don't think I've ever been so down for someone," you whine, throwing your head back and sighing. "okay, you can't tell anyone about this-"

you start seriously.

"but I literally got off thinking about him last night, and I came so hard-"

and if that's not the straw that breaks the camel's back. Dave lets out a strangled, stifled whining moan as his hips rut and stutter against his mattress. his head swims as he cums in his pants, blinded by a raw, pure pleasure.

"O-oh god!" he pants, head spinning as he comes down from his high. his cheeks are flushed, and he can't fucking believe he just did that in front of you. he swallows thickly, terrified - and for some reason, a little thrilled by how you'll react.

you look over at him, eyes locked on him for a moment. it only takes you a second to realize what just happened - your horndog best friend got so turned on from listening to you thirst over kickass that he actually creamed his pants.

"You're so gross," you laugh playfully, throwing a pen at him. "I hope you know how lucky you are that I'm great at keeping secrets." you finish, an unspoken promise that tonight will stay between the two of you.

you turn back to what you're doing, unperturbed by the fact that your best friend just came in his pants from hearing you talk like that, chalking it up to Dave being Dave. this isn't the first time he's gotten hard at an awkward time, but usually he just sneaks off to the bathroom or something to take care of it himself. you had a hunch he might resort to something like this eventually, so you're not too surprised.

"Anyway, what do you think his type is?" you ask, swiveling around Dave's desk chair to look at him. your arms are crossed on the back of the chair, and you lean down on them as you look at him.

"Like, from an objective, guy perspective?"

"U-uh," Dave starts with a soft, nervous laugh, still unable to believe that just happened. "I- I don't know..." he shrugs.

he thinks that's the first time he's lied to you. he knows exactly what kickass's type is, because he's looking right at you.