#bean arlen fanfic

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Restless Man (Part 1)

Summary: A week after Beau’s kidnapping, the reader is grateful to find him in mostly one piece. But Beau’s more shook up than she could have imagined and when emotions are high, who knows what might get revealed...

Pairing: Beau Arlen x reader

Word Count: 4,900ish

Warnings: language, angst, bodily injury, kidnapping, threats

A/N: Spoilers for Big Sky season 3! This is the first of who knows how many parts! Enjoy!

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You breathed a sigh of relief when your flashlight spotted a dirty Beau in the corner, a blindfold on and tape over his mouth. He didn’t look good but he was alive at least. Through your radio in your ear you heard they’d apprehended two suspects upstairs. Two officers on your rear flanked out and searched the rest of the open basement. When you got the all clear, you jogged over to Beau and requested the medical team to head on down.

“Hey Beau. It’s me.” He flinched violently when you touched his cheek, jerking backwards and slamming straight into the wall. He breathed hard through his nose, the officers downstairs sharing a look with you. “Beau. It’s Y/N.”

You cautiously touched him again, Beau trying to disappear into the wall. Quickly, you ripped the blindfold off and tape on his mouth, grabbing his injured face and forcing him to look at you.

“Beau!” you shouted. He stilled, big green eyes staring up at you as you did your best to ignore the bruises littering his face. “Hey, hey. You’re safe, okay? You’re safe.”

His eyes fell shut, his forehead dropping to your shoulder. You heard the medical team come downstairs, heavy footfalls that made Beau bury his face in your neck.

“What’d they do to you?” you mumbled so softly not even he could hear. After a few more reassurances that he was okay, Beau let you slip away so they could tend to him. You followed them upstairs and outside, giving Beau a wave when he was carted into the back of an ambulance.

“You should go with him.” You turned to your left, Pop appearing by your side. You looked past him to the back of a squad car, one of the suspects sat in the back. You glared at him, fist balling by your side. “Y/N.”

“They hurt him. They did something to him we don’t know.”

“Which is why you need to go be there for him right now. We don’t need you shooting anyone in the kneecap to get answers.” Your eyes narrowed, Pop cocking his head.

“Fine. But I’m back on the case tomorrow,” you said. 

“Keep us updated on him.”

You nodded and got in your truck, taking deep breaths. The past week had been a nightmare. All you’d had to go off of was that Beau had pulled over a black suburban on his way home from work. That was all his last radio call had said before it’d been dead silence. 

The most worrisome part was that you found him by luck. There was no ransom. No motive that you knew of. Beau wasn’t a wimp either. He should have been snarling in that basement, ready to tear whoever came near to shreds. Sure, he was due to be jumpy after after a week in hell but something just seemed…off.

You took a big swig of your cold coffee and put the truck in drive, hoping like hell he was going to be okay.

After stopping by Beau’s place and packing up some clothes and things for him, you headed to the hospital where a concerned doctor met you outside Beau’s room. 

“Give it to me straight,” you said, crossing your arms. The doctor pulled you slightly away down the hall, away from where some other cops were milling about outside the room.

“He was beat up pretty bad but no permanent damage. He needs sleep the next few days and a lot of rest the next few weeks. His body needs to heal. He’s got an appetite which is great and we put him on antibiotics for any open wounds that already in the healing process.”

“Is that all that happened? He was beat up? You’re sure?” You let the question hang in the air, the doctor nodding. “I know Beau. He wouldn’t be so scared just because he got his ass kicked. They would have really had to fuck with him to get that kind of reaction out of him.”

“He did briefly meet with the psychologist.” You raised and eyebrow, waiting for more. The doctor sighed and took your arm, taking you around the corner. “He’s not saying anything bad happened to him except to say he wants to go home and right now, I’m inclined to let him under certain circumstances. Does he have anyone at home to help take care of him?”

“His daughter is back in Texas so no. But he can stay with me.” You wrinkled your nose, pinching the bridge of it. “What else?”

“Keep him off the stairs and have him sit if-”

“What else aren’t you saying. Psychologically. He has PTSD I’m assuming?” The doctor nodded. “He need therapy?”

“He needs to talk to someone about what happened eventually. It doesn’t have to be today but-”

“Spit it out,” you snapped, the doctor staring at you. A twinge of guilt formed in your gut as you ran your hands over your face. “I’m sorry. I haven’t slept much the past week.”

He let it go, putting his hands in his pockets. “Something traumatized him and I’m sure a portion of that was from the kidnapping and physical attacks. But there’s very likely a mental element to this as well. Kidnappings can be difficult to recover from. If you can encourage him to open up or see someone, that would help.”

“Shouldn’t he stay here until he’s calmer?” you asked. 

“I think he’s as calm as he’s going to get right now. I want to do a few more tests and he needs an x-ray on his shoulder so it’ll be a few more hours. We’ll try to talk to him again before that. If someone could go in and sit with him-”

“I got that covered,” you said with a nod. A minute later you headed into Beau’s room where he was fast asleep on his side. With a long exhale, you sat in a nearby chair, running your hand through your hair.

At least he was safe you told yourself. You hoped.

It was dark when you got home that night, Beau lazily following behind as he left his crutches in the truck. He put a hand on the post to step up onto the porch, a pair of sneakers you found under his bed half on his feet. 

“You hungry? I can whip up whatever you want,” you said, opening the door for him. He slipped off the shoes and made a beeline for the couch, laying down with a pained sigh. Beau closed his eyes, his breathing slowing down. You covered him with a blanket and quietly put his bag in the guest room, grateful you’d put him in his flannel pajama pants back at the hospital.

After half an hour of getting things settled, you heard Beau sit up, his back to you from where he sat on the couch.

“Perfect timing. I just finished up dinner,” you said, drying your hands on the dish towel. You carried over a bowl of mashed potatoes to him, Beau pushing your hand away. “Come on, Arlen. You need to eat something.”

He shook his head and stood, going straight to the bathroom. You heard retching a moment later and set the bowl down, opening the door. “Beau? Are you-”

You cut yourself off when you saw him over the toilet, spitting up nothing. His shirt was gone, showing that his back was littered with deep bruises and even some cuts. He breathed hard, turning his head away.

“We should take you back to the hospital.”

“No.” He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand, panting as he sat on his bottom. “All I want is a shower.”

“You’re throwing up. You-”

“I wanted to go home! Not fucking here!” he shouted. He glared at you from the tile floor and all you could do was stare in shock at him. Beau put his hands on his face, digging into his own scalp as he scrunched his kees into his chest. “Just go away.”

“Beau.” You knelt down beside him, carefully wrapping your arms around him. “It’s okay.”

“Go away,” he whispered, his body trembling. “Just stay away from me.”

“Not happening, big guy.” After a few minutes, the fight in him disappeared, Beau letting you sit him down on your shower bench and help him out of his pajama bottoms. He was quiet as you washed his hair and back, Beau breathing softly as you scrubbed away the grime from his skin.

You left him alone to finish washing up and fifteen minutes later, he was slowly walking into the kitchen in a white t shirt and fresh blue flannel pajama pants. His face was cleaner, showing how dark the bruise on his left cheek was. His damp hair was pushed back, Beau taking a careful seat at the table.

Without a word, you set a reheated bowl of potatoes down in front of him along with some diced up chicken pieces. He wolfed it down, taking seconds even which you were grateful for. But he shook his head when you offered to make some fudge brownies for him despite normally begging you for them.

“You ready to head out?” he asked, forcing himself to stand. Green eyes met yours, Beau’s instantly hardening. “Take me home.”

“You can’t be home alone.” He scoffed, storming over to the door, wincing with every step. “Your ankle is sprained and so is your shoulder not to mention you’ve been laying restrained on a concrete floor for a week. You can’t be alone, Arlen.”

He stopped at the door, placing one large palm against it, eyes squeezed shut. “Y/L/N take me home right now or you’re fired.”

“Then I’m fired,” you said gently. You slipped under his good shoulder, Beau trying to jerk away but you had a good grip on him. “Come on. I’ll take you to bed.”

His ankle must have been killing him because he let you take the lead and bring him to the back of the house, sitting him down on the soft mattress in the guest room. “Do you need anything?”

“I hate you.” Your breath caught in your throat, Beau grabbing the front of your sweatshirt, fisting it tightly. “I fucking hate you.”

Your nose wrinkled as you looked down, pulling the blanket up and over him, Beau still holding onto you. “Shout if you need-”

“I need to go home and you won’t fucking let me,” he growled. You closed your eyes, his grip loosening. “You going to fucking cry over it?”

You slowly looked at him, a flash of pain in his features. “What is it Beau? Are you embarrassed I found you? That I see you hurt and whatever the hell this is? Is it because a woman rescued you? Is it because you’re bottling everything up and you can’t cry in front of me? Is that why you want me gone? Because if you think any of that, you’re an idiot, Beau Arlen. An idiot that I won’t let bully me around. Now I’m going to leave so you can throw a temper tantrum or fall apart of whatever it is you need. But I’m down the hall if you do need me.”

You got up and pecked a kiss on his forehead. “Get some sleep Beau.”

Halfway out the door, you heard his voice crack, your stomach dropping.

“They took pictures.” You spun around, Beau sitting up in the middle of the bed, face scrunched, head down. “Y/N, you don’t understand.”

“Then help me, Beau.” You sat beside him, arm around his waist. “They took pictures of you?”

He shook his head, bottom lip wobbling. “Beau-”

“You.” He turned his head up, eyes filled with unshed tears. “They had pictures of you, Y/N. And everyday they had more pictures. They had pictures of you outside work, crying in your truck, in this house. If I breathed wrong…beating me up was heaven compared to what they said they’d do to you. And I still don’t know if there’s more of them out there but I’m pretty sure there are. Don’t you get why you need to stay away from me?”

“Oh Beau.” You cupped his cheeks, wiping away his tears he finally let fall. He tried to look away, inhaling sharply. “What-“

“I can’t protect you. I couldn’t protect myself. How could I protect you from them too? Y/N the things they said…they can never happen.”

“Beau.”

“Never,” he whispered. “And I’ll never tell you what they said so don’t ask.”

“Okay. You don’t have to tell me,” you said. He closed his eyes, nodding his head. “But you have to tell someone.”

“No.”

“You said you didn’t fight back so no one would hurt me?” He nodded once more. “Then you did protect me and I want you to keep protecting me. So you talk to someone so you can feel better and feel strong again when you’re ready. Until then, I’ll do the protecting for the both of us.”

“Once I started feeling helpless, it’s like I can’t stop it,” he whispered. “Even after what happened with Em, I knew she was okay but this? I don’t know if you’re safe and it’s my fault.”

“None of this is because of you,” you said, stroking your fingers through his hair. He shook his head, allowing you to turn his face towards you. There was so much pain, so much worry etched into his features you couldn’t help but bat away a few tears. “It could have been any one of us that pulled over that SUV.”

“They’re from Texas, Y/N. Texas. The cartel that I helped take down. You know how we missed one? We missed one guy and look what happened. All of this happened because of me. You are in danger because of fucking me.” Your heart was breaking with each word he broke. He already blamed himself for his partner’s death in Texas and that was a few years ago. He was going to blame himself for this forever too.

“Do you remember what you taught us at the academy?” He made a face, your stomach churning. “Beau, do you remember? Your first day, when you made us run the simulation with the students get their advanced training.”

Beau sighed. “Treat your fellow officers with respect, no matter their experience or who they are.”

“You told the men they don’t stop doing their job to protect the women because they think we need it and you told all of us to trust each other when we’re out there in the field. You didn’t do this to me, Beau. It was the bad guy and that’s it.”

He laughed, throwing up his hands. You swallowed as he kept laughing. “Come on, Arlen. Keep it together for me.”

Beau rolled his eyes, suddenly grabbing you by your wrists. “They went after you because I like you, you idiot! You’re my weak spot and they knew it. They’ve been watching us for fucking weeks. You’re on their radar and that’s my fault so stop saying it isn’t.”

He shifted away, putting his back to you. You bit your bottom lip. There was no training for this. You had some idea of how to help a struggling officer but not one like Beau. Not your superior. Not your friend of over a decade. Not one that liked you and for a man like Beau, that admission didn’t come easily.

So you did the first thing that came to mind.

You grabbed his shoulder, Beau falling back against the bed. He stared up as you leaned down in his face, glancing at his lips. Then you were kissing him, gently, but not without putting as much feeling behind it as you could. You straddled his hips and cupped his cheeks, kissing him until a rough hand grabbed the back of your neck. There was no tugging you away. Instead, he seemed to hold you in place, his other hand resting on your hip, squeezing ever so lightly.

“Stop saying this is your fault or I’ll never kiss you like that again,” you panted when he finally let you up for air.

“I’m your boss. We can’t.”

“Make one of the senior officers my supervisor.”

“It’s abuse of power,” he breathed out. “I’ve known you since you were a kid at the academy.”

“I was in my twenties and you were a substitute instructor for one week. We have only ever been friends on the force, Arlen. You weren’t even my boss until I transferred here. Now, do you have any more excuses you want to try?” 

“They’re going to come after you,” he whispered. You smirked, shaking your head.

“I’d love to see them try because I’m still pissed as hell.” He closed his eyes, sighing when you lay beside him. “Are you still afraid?”

“Until we get them all, yes. I’ll always be afraid.” You pulled him into your side, Beau resting his head on your chest, arm wrapping over your waist.

“Then we get them all. I promise.”

Beau was dead asleep when you woke the next morning. You were still exhausted yourself but you were glad his body was giving him a timeout to recover. You weren’t surprised to spot a cruiser outside the house. It was at your request after all. Maybe it’d give Beau a bit of peace of mind, maybe not, but with the possibility of someone still out there and watching you both, you didn’t mind the extra set of eyes keeping an eye out.

After checking in at the station, you found out a few surprising facts. Mainly, while Beau had been tight lipped with you, he’d been pretty willing to share what happened with Pop when he gave his statement back at the hospital before you’d arrived. It was true Beau had been targeted and unfortunately, there were at least two more culprits on the loose. 

You tried to make sense of why Beau offered up that information so freely to the other officers but you had to rip it out of him. No good answers came unfortunately. 

“Hey,” said Beau. You looked up from your computer, his thumb wiping away a stray tear that had fallen. “You’re sad.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me what happened?” He sat gingerly in the chair beside you, closing your laptop before he scooted closer and fixed your hair behind your ear. “Why’d you tell everyone else and not me?”

“Is anyone ever eager to tell someone they care about that they failed them?” he said quietly. 

“But you didn’t-” He put his finger over your lips, breathing softly. 

“Our friendship, our…” he trailed off, moving his hand to stroke your jaw with his knuckles. “Whatever this is, it’s put you in danger. A danger that is worse than death. That’s failure. These people, now that you found me, they’re going to come after you. It’s not an if but a when. And I can’t stop it. And if they do those things they say they will…I would die. I can’t allow those things to happen to you but I can’t stop it either. So I’m sorry for not telling you. I just wanted you to have more time where you thought all you had to deal with was me, not this threat hanging over our heads.”

“You can’t do this, Arlen.” You stood and went to your kitchen island, planting your palms on the countertop. You turned your head towards him, shaking it. “If you want us to work, if you want to try this like I do, you can’t do this shit. I am a cop just like you.”

“And I am human,” he said, slowly making his way over to the island, leaning against it as he stared you down. His green eyes were hard, hiding his worry well. “I already lost one partner. I nearly lost my daughter. I’m not losing you too so stop being mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you! I just want to help you. I want you to talk to me because the Beau I know? Even when he’s scared, he still does his job. So I know they said or did something truly awful to make you-”

“What? You think I’m a coward?” he snapped.

“You’re only a coward if you don’t get help when you know you need it.” He scoffed, grunting when you stood in front of him and pushed him back against the island. “I’m not fragile, Beau.”

“And I am?”

“That’s not what I said, Arlen. Don’t put words in my mouth.” He put his hands on your shoulders to shove you away but you grabbed his wrists, Beau immediately flinching back into himself. The room was still for a moment, his head turned down. “It’s not just what they said they’d do to me. What didn’t you tell anyone, Beau?”

“There’s nothing to say,” he snapped. “I’m sorry I’m scared. I’m sorry I’m not the big tough man you thought-”

He froze when you locked eyes on the spot on his forearm that’d been bandaged yesterday. Quickly, he slapped his hand over top of it but you saw the two distinct healing indentations in his arm. 

“Jesus christ, Beau,” you said. He squeezed his eyes shut, face going red. “Is that a snake bite?”

He managed a half nod, allowing you to move his hand away and see the deep fang marks. “Oh Beau.”

You’d known Beau for over a decade and the man only had two true fears. Something happening to Emily and snakes. They fucking terrified him. 

And sometime in the past week he was close enough to one to be bit.

You helped him scoot back up onto the island, Beau turning over his arm so you had a better view. “How’d they find out?”

“They found a snake in the barn they said. Said they’d let it bite me if I didn’t make a call and say a bunch of lies about how the bust in Texas went down. I wasn’t willing to let a dangerous criminal out so I tried to suck it up when it sunk those ducking teeth in me. But I freaked, badly, and so they decided to leave it in the basement with me…which has made me jumpy if you couldn’t tell. Spending a week in the dark with your irrational fear does that to you.”

“And the beating and kidnapping and threats against me didn’t help.” You ran your thumb over the mark, kissing it. “No wonder you’re on high alert.”

“I can’t relax like you want me to. Not until I know you’re safe.” You sighed, surprised when Beau leaned forward and kissed your forehead. “The snake was nothing compared to what they want with you.”

“Why take you?” you asked, slipping away to get your first aid kit, quietly working on cleaning his cuts, bandaging the ones that still needed it. “If it really was to get their old boss out of prison, wouldn’t it be obvious it was a hoax?”

Beau turned over his wrist, letting you clean the red marks littering his skin. “They said they wanted their boss out of prison. Really they just wanted info on the rival cartel down there. At least that’s my opinion. They wanted to work their own racket, with the boss, then great. Without works too. If you’re gonna do some shit like that, you got to put on a show with upper management, let ‘em know they still know who’s in charge. Still pay a profit to the boss’ family for good measure. At least that’s how you do it if the boss is still alive.”

You smiled, Beau cracking one himself. “What?”

“You’re not so tense when you’re talking shop,” you said, finishing wrapping his other wrist. “That’s good.”

“I’m pretty sure it was something else,” he said, his hand appearing comically small in yours. He smiled as he looked down, nodding once. “You’re always so tough with me.”

“Yeah right,” you laughed dryly, picking up another bandage and wrapping over the bite on his arm. “Three years ago when Brad and I broke up I ended up crying all over you in your office. You had to drive me home and then you stayed all night until I calmed down. Yeah, so very tough of me.”

“First off, Brad was a loser. Carla and Emily tried telling you that. The entire department tried telling you that. You were way too good for him. Second, I was glad you turned into a sniveling mess in my office.” You narrowed your eyes, Beau taking hold of your hand as you finished with the bandage. “You were always so gung ho, I can do anything, I’m such a badass. It was nice to know I could see the not so pretty parts. It made me feel like you trusted me.”

You stared at his chest, Beau tilting your chin up so you met his eyes. “This past week, I hated the pictures of you crying alone the most. And then this morning I see you crying alone. Again.”

“Beau-”

“I will make you a deal.” He loosely wrapped his legs around your waist, holding you close. “You don’t hide how you’re feeling and I won’t hide how I’m doing. Even right now.”

“Have you met you?” you teased, enjoying the heat from his hand as he cupped your cheek. 

“If it were anyone else, Y/N, I would have…I need to know I can have moments of weakness right now. You’re the only one I trust to keep me going right now. I am still so scared of letting you out of my sight.” He closed his eyes, dropping his hand. “Which is why I need to let you go back to work, even if I want you to stay here with me.”

“I can work from here.”

“I need rest. I know I do. Besides,” he said, forcing his head up, smiling softly. “I need my number one out there watching our backs.”

“You’re serious.”

“I won’t smother you. I learned a thing or two from what happened with Carla.” You took a step back, Beau sliding down to the floor, putting his weight on his good ankle. “Carla and me, I’ll always care about her. You know that. But it’ll never be what it was once.”

“Why are you bringing her up?” you asked, Beau taking a step closer, resting his hands on your shoulders to support himself. 

“As much as I care for her, she never knew how to help me when I needed it most. I think that’s important. But you…I don’t know how you’re doing it but I feel a million times better than yesterday which is saying something. You’re the one that told me way back in Texas I deserve someone that will be there for me at my lows, not make me feel bad for not getting better on someone else’s schedule. Last night and today, you’re not pushing me. You just want to know how you can support me, not fix me. That difference is important to me and it’s one Carla never got.”

He leaned down, pecking a chaste kiss to your lips with a hum. “Y/N, go catch these guys for me and I’ll be back out there with you when I’m ready. Until then, go protect both of us.”

“Alright. We’ll keep someone posted outside. And use the damn crutches I left in your room. You need to stop walking around on-” Beau put his hand over your mouth, shushing you.

“I got the message, boss. Don’t worry about me.” You nodded, getting him over to the table. After putting a plate of eggs and toast in front of him, you took a quick shower and changed, jogging downstairs by the time he was finished. “Y/N.”

“Yeah?” you asked, tying your boots by the front door, throwing your hair up into a messy ponytail. Beau waved his hand and you wandered closer, surprised when he took your hand, lacing your fingers together. “What is it?”

“I want to talk about this later. Us…and what we want.” 

“Me too. If you need anything today, just call.” He forced a smile, the pit returning to your stomach. “You okay?”

“Be safe. Don’t go anywhere by yourself for me. Please.”  

“I will. Now get your butt in bed and sleep more.”

“Can do, boss,” he said, squeezing your hand. “Call me at lunch?”

“I will. Promise.” You pecked a kiss on his forehead, Beau clearing his throat when you had the front door half-open. “What is it, Arlen?”

“Nothing. Just-”

“Be safe. I know.” You smiled, leaving the house after a moment and climbing in your truck with a sigh. 

“Hey Pop,” you said, calling into the station. “Set up a meeting for fifteen in the conference room with department heads. I think I know a way to find these guys hanging out there.”

“Sure but how are we going to do that?”

“They want me? Then let’s let them come and get me.”

“Beau’s not going to like that plan.”

“Yeah well Beau’s not in charge right now. I’m second in command and I say let’s figure out a way to bait these guys. Got it?” Pop sighed into the phone but you got his concurrence. “Great. Be there soon.”

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A/N: Read Part 2 here!