#so like. i guess i understand. but what i dont understand is that this assumes thay jgy's smiles and kindness are ALL a front and that the
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trying to play morality police in the trigun fandom is so funny, like how are you a fan of the "incestual sexual assault trauma" show and then be outraged to see incestual fanart. my preference is not them either but cmon guys the call is coming from inside the house
#disgust is not morality + what someone finds compelling in fiction does not equal their irl preferences#think about it: we do not assume everyone who plays shooter games will go out killing people (thats the narrative i grew up with and it was#ridiculous even then)#or should everybody who plays horror games be shamed for wanting to kill and maim and etc? should we go to markiplier and be like#“heeeyy so i think you liked fnaf SUSPICIOUSLY lot. care to explain yourself? 🤨 do you want kids to be killed and turned into machines.”#anyway back to trigun. disgust and outrage was (i think) the intended response to All That but you gotta let people play around with#the concept and dynamic. you do not have to understand it and you can continue to dislike it as well#(i certainly do bc i dont feel like it would make narrative sense)#but you cant play judge and jury on someone's entire self based on what they like to imagine#bc guess what. its that same disgust and anger response that is being exploited by right wingers in high power to make ppl support#discrimintory policies#(please believe me on this im hungarian)#anyway. this got too long. love and peace my final message#trigun#trigun stampede
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#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#virvox project#shirakami kotarou#kurono takehiro#vocal synth#voicevox#another one based off the memories of some post i saw a while back. i was like possessed. to redraw vsynth characters in popular posts#also low key this was what it was like being 22 in university classes full of 18-19 year olds for a bit there LHJSKHJFSDAjdfs#THEY WERE nicer about it. but sometimes they would find out my age and i could see the 'grown ass' flicker across their eyes#especially when they topic of discussion was shit like sororities and me not knowing shit about it. in my defence i was 1) confused about#'greek life' for a while because i am mixed race and kind of ambiguous irl so i just assumed it was a like a cultural based society thing#(we have a lot of those in my school its very multicultural) and they made an incorrect guess about my ethnicity again and 2) when I DID#finally figure out what the hell 'greek life' was supposed to be i signed up cause a friend asked me to but i missed the first day of#orientation cause i was sick and then the sororities started sending really passive agressive emails to me so i got scared off LOL#random sorority sidetrack aside. it was really funny when i was like yeah i dont really understand the whole deal#and a classmate was like oh well yeah i guess you wouldnt have the experience how old are you again like 18?#and i was like........................................................i turned 23 a month ago <:3c#and her face journey as she realized i was like 3-4 years older than her.... my apologies my dearest classmate#sowwy for being in my early 20s. it wont happen again <3
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Yes....
...why are you looking at me like that though...
#torille#the autogenerated subtitles look bit confusing ik#but also I have actually thought about this before#bc I remember listening some podcazt where couple of british dudes were like Finns have weird/dark/whatever sense of humor#like I guess ...?#having my 'how can I make this about me' moment here lmaoo#no but like then I thought about our history of being basically farming peasants; the weather is shit most of the year and youre stuck#between the trigger happy crazy one and Sweden#so many generations probably didnt have whole lot nice things to talk about anyway#all you can do is cope#youd be depressed weird jokes too ?????#anyway back to James lol#he looked nice here uwu👍#liveblog#james may#youtube#I need to go to sleep#Im starting to remember my beef with the british#and atleast one canadian#althou to be fair I dont assume that all of them are like that one person#didnt understand what foodculture meant... among other things#and it still annoys me#???
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"bedrotting is a privilege because i dont have the time to bed rot. when i get home from work im excited that i get to bed rot" Do yall know what that word means
#like srsly#idk if i can rlly talk for this#bcos everytime theres conversation abt this it has to do with paying bills and all that#and i dont have to do that yet#but like for me i spent months almost always in bed#i wasnt even on my phone most of the time#i just lied there thinking abt how to kms and occasionally crying or sleeping#and i got rlly behind in school bcos i didnt do anything for months#and it rlly did fuck up my life#heavily#so idk for all the “bed rotting is a privilege” discourse#i see so many ppl talking abt it like it's just relaxing#and if yall are going to argue abt this can yall atleast know what it means??#like sure yall can have that conversation but atleast know what youre talking abt#and also is it even smthn worth talking abt#idk if it's mean but like what's the point in pointing out that bedrotting is a privilege if it is??#like genuinely#and also alot of the discourse runs on the idea that it doesnt mess up anyone's life and while im not completely sure if i count#bcos im not an adult that pays bills#but like idk i think it does#ik most discourse is stupid#but i dont understand the point of that one anyway#like yeah i guess?? maybe?? if we're assuming that the depressed or disabled person doesnt have their life completely fucked up by it#maybe??#idk. who does it help by saying that a person who can hardly get out of bed is privileged#maybe there is a point to it that im just not thinking of rn#and im sorry for being rlly shortsighted if i am#but like??#i dont understand someone being unable to bedrot bcos itd fuck up their life? bcos like?? yeah that's what it does#maybe i have the wrong definition here bcos im seriously confused
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i’m trying to figure out how tlovm is gonna wrap up the chroma conclave arc in just three episodes when there’s still so much to do
#i cant watch til tonight so no spoilers but like.#percys still dead scanlan in a coma scanlan needs to die and kaylie needs to see him and help in his resurrection to be the final nail in#the coffin that leads to his departure ripleys still alive. im not expecting a perfect adaptation but theyve rly lost me this szn#esp by straight up killing my man kash for no reason 😭😭#it has to end w a bards lament it just has to#i expect this to be like. a two season thing honestly but then they opened the szn w the raishan seeker assum reveal#*expected#also kinda sad they cut out keyleths call me child one more goddamn time line unless they plan to use it for the finale#im also sad they cut out kerrek and the whole ive walked through fire thing bc that was like. kinda big for keyleth#*passed through. but again unless theyre saving that for the finale so i guess ill just have to wait and see#what i genuinely dont understand is why percys still dead. i guess its for narrative purpose but theyve revived pike before so they know#they can do it so like. what’s the hold up#r.txt
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I have a lot of mixed feelings about MatPat.
On the one hand, he definitely has a streak of bigotry. The pyro episode really comes to mind on that one, and his refusal to they/them Kris was also not cool, and there have been a lot of other examples here and there.
But he has been getting better. One of his Livestream hosts uses they/them from what I can tell, and I haven't heard any word that he's misgendered them anywhere.
But also, his theories have just been getting lower and lower quality as his channels kinda turned into something one step below a content farm. His Digital Circus theory, for example, he came up with ON GTLive and then just cleaned it up for the episode.
But he was also hosting all four channels. Each channel will have its own host now.
He made a lot of mistakes, but so does everyone.
Am I defending him? I dont know. Do I forgive him? No. Do I honestly care? ...I don't know.
I'm glad he's stepping away. But I'm also gonna miss him.
Like he said in the goodbye video, he was a lot of peoples childhoods. Mine was one of them. He's definitely not the best person nor was he the best influence, but he did help me realize that being a nerd and being passionate are good things. And his passion helped me want to create.
I'm glad he's leaving, but it also feels like my childhood is going with him. One last step towards that all-encompassing 21 in a few months from now.
I'll miss you, Mat. I hope you can continue to grow as a person and support others more in the future. Teach your son what the world failed to teach you when you were younger.
Also read the tags, please, okay Tumblr? Thanks.
#im scared to post this. i know people on here dont like him and i 100% understand why#but i also fear that people assume he can't grow#i may be wrong as ive been staying away from matpat drama but from what ive seen?#mat makes mistakes. then he listens to people when they tell him he fucked up. and he tries to do better.#people forget that hes a person sometimes.#and like i said i could be wrong. there might be evidence out there that hes an evangelical or something#but i havent seen it. i do know about the homophobia and transphobia from the past#but i also know hes apologized and that stuff hasnt really resurfaced#i want him to do better and continue to grow away from the internet#but if im wrong then im wrong.#just please dont harass me for this post okay?#if hes worse than i think he is you can tell me but please dont be mean about it#ive had enough people yelling at me.over this shit recently.#mat if youre SOMEHOW reading this? thanks. your stuff helped me watch to enrich my stories more#give people something to hunt for#you aided my passion#and i wouldnt be who i am today without you man.#so please. keep growing. keep doing better. and i guess i'll see ya when i see ya.#dimond speaks#not maintagging this cuz i dont wanna get killed lol
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Me not experiencing any attraction: damn it seems fun kind of wish I did... Lemme pick who I WOULD have a crush on... Trick(??) myself into (thinking I am??) having feelings towards them.
Me experiencing genuine attraction: UMMM what is this i don't know how to deal with this how do i turn it off?
#and yall. i think its mainly just aesthetic attraction. cuz i dont want anything with them i just feel Attracted#literally i thought yall were miscatergorizing aesthetic APPRECIATION b4 bc it didnt feel#personal at all -- i didnt feel ATTRACTED. well guess what turna oitu can be#aeathetically attracted. i just wasnt#i DO have a type btw and its 'archetype' 'idea' or 'image of ''''perfection'''''' lol#i said this#aspec#attraction#ummm i waa gomna add smth but i forget what....#OH YEAH the reason iget so caught up in thus is that#any normal perso n would whsiper to their feiend 'hes hot' and move on#but I'm out as aroace - arospec yes but this sort of complicarion isnt the kind anyone is expecting#the last anyone knows is that A YEAR (or more) ago i kinda had a vrush on and kinda wanted to be crushboy#as far as those ppl know thats dead#and more ppl than that last knew me as attracted to GIRLS and/or GNC ppl four years ago#bc this is more an incidental stuff within my prvious understanding of my arozpec ness i feel like it'd be coming out to tell ppl#and lets be real noboy wants to hear abt how i find Guy Number 20 and 23 in our grade cute#its just very mudane to allos i believe#(i assume others would assume my Thing with crushboy would ne dead given that i have not rementioned)
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i havent watched wrestling in so long but i saw some gifs of tonight's match and. whew. that stuff is crazy.
#i dont think i have a very good understanding of wrestling still 🧍#im gonna embarrass myself by admitting this but . abdjdkdl#i thought wrestling was real hurting each other up until last year. and then i found out it was staged#and so i assumed oh they dont actually get hurt then i guess. maybe they fake concussions and stuff or maybe that happens accidentally#and uhm. now i think thats wrong again DBFJDML now im back to ''oh wait. they do actually hurt each other.''#i was like oh okay its all staged so that blood must be fake that I've seen in some photos online#THE BLOOD IS REAL. THE BLOOD IS REAL! WHAT !!!#whats his face had glass cuts all over him. help? what is happening#im just here for the homoeroticism 😭😭😭 im sorry for not being a real wrassle boy fan yet fjffkdl I'll get there eventually#its just A Lot to try to understand so i keep bouncing back and forth on being interested and thinking its too much work#anyways i was originally going to say that the blood was hot but then i got distracted oops#but good golly i hope these guys are like... okay. because wow that was. a lot!#dandy.cmd
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honestly.. power to the ppl who think nhlers stay good friends with every man they've ever come into contact with since the pee wee leagues but i do have to laugh sometimes
#jfkljklsdjklsjdklfs LIKE NARRATIVELY.. IF THERE IS A DEEP RUNNING CONNECTION STILL TO THIS DAY. i kinda understand. i can be compelled#but these men will play on each others teams for 1 yr when theyre like 15/16 and everyone jsut assumes theyre bffs to this day KJFND LIKE..#i.. i really dont think...#thats part of what makes it so sad when guys have to leave teams like#i dont think its easy to stay actually close to anyone ... or like. by the usual definition of close i guess.#idk flksdj i just find it funny sometimes the surety ppl talk abt some of these relationships like . i... i don t think s o...#everything feels a lil more impersonal than that usually. like everyone knows everyone lmfao#then again. Its not that serious but the urge to challenge ppls judgments fjkldsx is Right There all the time#we dont know their lives but my interpretations are the most correct btw JLROFKDSL
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I've started doing this thing (or at least I've started to notice myself doing this thing) where I just kinda idk daydream so hard I fall asleep? It's not like my normal fatigue, I'm not exhausted but awake and alarmingly aware of how I can't move, I'm peacefully drifting off to sleep as a daydream ramps up in its vividness until I'm actually just dreaming, and this only takes (or feels like it takes) a few minutes. I'll be having a regular daydream while wide awake, and then suddenly I'm on the cusp of sleep. I'd chalk it up to another facet of my fatigue if it wasn't SUCH a different sensation. I should probably be concerned about this but I don't even know where to start
#like the only sleep disorder i know that puts you to sleep is narcolepsy#but i dont know enough about the disorder thats not sensationalised to really understand what narcolepsy's really like i suppose?#i know i have disordered sleep#i have dogshit REM and restorative sleep already which i assume is why im tired and have very little energy all the time#but i know nothing about anything beyond that#and guess what. learning things also makes me too tired to function. looking things up and reading exhaust me. so. idk.#i got stuff to do with my 1-3 tasks a day worth of energy i dont want to spaff it all on reading yet another#'narcolepsy makes you pass out face first into your dinner and is super duper rare and theres no other sleep disorders besides insomnia'
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Ohhh... they weren't returning my attempts at conversation because they were mad at me
#um... hi mom. you must have been very driven to find out more about me if you're reading this. i must live in my own fantasy world if i-#truly thought that things were alright. i wish i had picked up on that sooner. this month has been hard and i feel really sick#that's no excuse clearly and I'm disappointed in myself as well as very sorry to you. I had no idea what you've been through and my brain-#must be so different that it's unable to interpret the very obvious signs. gosh. i feel really silly now for going on like that. I'm so-#sorry. however it is not the time to say any of this. my reason for writing this is that if you feel compelled to read this blog-#um. all my private interests and stories would be on display. ones that i wasnt ready to tell you yet. assuming that you haven't already-#found this blog and read through it. im really very sorry. i guess this was my attempt at being social online and connecting with my peers.#but honestly i was unsuccessful at that and it's all embarrassing now. you probably don't respect me and I think I deserve that.#i shouldnt have put things on the internet that I didn't expect you to see. it felt like my cozy place and i... shouldnt have got so caught-#up in that. im so sorry for the way things have worked out. I respect your feelings and strive to be considerate of them. if you're seeing-#this than clearly I've failed. that hurts me more than i can say (and i dont expect you to believe me) but I'll never be sorry enough.#and i am really really sorry to you. i thought things were different. i must be delusional holding on to this. if you don't want to see me-#anymore I understand#but I'll forever be sorry.
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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like maybe 5 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
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ive gotta be honest i have no idea why the plasmic manifestations post has nearly 1k i was thinking about inframaterialism whats everyone else thinking about
#gemitus#and what made that quote funny To Me (and why i posted it) was bc harry didnt know about plasm at the time#and this is just a separate. instance of plasmic manifestations. i guess. i dont believe plasm (specifically inframaterialist) is like.#a widespread enough theory for harry to have retained that information. nor do i really think the non-inframaterialist concept of#plasmic manifestations (essentially ghosts) to be 'pop culture' (?). like he is saying it to pretend to plaisance hes into spirituality and#omens. what i mean is if one were to pretend youre an expert in something you wouldnt go for a common denominator#youd say something arcane that no one has heard of. so someone else who has knowledge in that subject assumes it is themself who is ignoran#in which case what is the common understanding of plasm etc. but this is not the train of thought that 1k other people had you see.
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Ok now that my rage is mostly past i am in more lalaland. Glad to put my energy towards being happy and improving my life with my friends that i love and trust
#i am still miffed that this was public but#it occurred to me it might also be bothering me so intensely because#it seemed we both agreed to move past each other and let go for now#n sure maybe this is what he needed to do to let go#it just feels kinda inflammatory.#but its only as much as i engage it with. which i dont plan to do#i hope my silence helps him reflect#and theres also just#a certain irony to the whole thing that i spent many many years trying to give advice on their relationship trying to help only for nothing#and now this very fresh very new issue suddenly is relationship breaking and hes already given up trying to help#lol#i guess he knows how i feel now though#idk#if anything better for him i guess to cut it off now rather than try repeatedly like i did (unless this already is repeat)#it also just feels like#he really doesnt even know who i am as a person#even after all this time#i dont want to say hes just wrong about everything because i definitely did say some dumb shit in the last few months#but it just feels like hes not even trying#or there are things hes not telling me#i keep telling my side explaining myself explaining what i mean and he just keeps. dare i use this word. Assuming things about me#anytime i have a conversation with him i just feel like im running in a circle i dont understand and i never know how to feel about anythin#and i dont understand what hes talking about what he wants what hes really feeling whats going wrong#and... comparing that to the friends i have now#its just even more obvious they're a lot better for me#i dont think friends are supposed to make you feel like this
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has anyone else noticed that people who aren't writers & know nothing about writing are acting like an authority on storytelling or is it just me
#like i keep seeing people being like ''this is bad dont do it ever'' & it's a vital part of certain genres or tropes#& also ''do this all the time or else'' & it's something that is actually a bad writing tip with basically no exceptions#& when i'm like ''actually no'' i get dogpiled by people going ''uhh uhh i've written 1000 books i know what im talking about''#& then i look at their profile & they're 20. & complaining about their 25yo boyfriend publicly#& their work is. not good. to say the least#or maybe these people are just the loudest & people who arent shitheads are just minding their own business#i guess what im saying is if you dont understand why something is the way it is just fucking ask someone who knows#instead of putting your misunderstanding of it out there like you're an authority figure on something you either#arent involved in the creation of or just arent very good at#& that isnt an insult. youre allowed to admit you arent good at stuff#i'm not good at stuff & because of that i wouldnt act like an authority figure on like. idfk. painting#i CAN paint. am i good at it? no (this isn't counting spray paint but i still wouldnt act like an authority on that either)#the reason i act like an authority on writing is because i study writing & writing styles#i write! i practice different types of writing all the time! i read a lot of different books! writing is a HYPERFIXATION of mine literally!#i can literally predict entire movies & books & shows because i can SEE the thought process behind it#so like. dont come @ me being like ''you dont understand'' because i DO understand. which is WHY it annoys me so much#anyway i blame all of this on people acting like art is supposed to be consumed#this obviously isnt a thought out essay just a rant so like. assume i know whatever youre going to ''um actually'' me about
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Talking with Oliver really is the best tbh
#miranda talking shit#Its a roller-coaster for sure. And im sure it is for him as well lmao#I started to tear up bc i thought about Fabian having have told me he really wants to be a father one day and he was so hopeful sounding#So i started tearing up bc i thought of that memory. And Oliver wad like... Why are you crying ? And i wad like... Bc i thought of Fabian#Telling me he wants to be a dad? And after a while he wad like 'i dont understand. Like you saying youre emotional bc#Fabian. Wanting to be a dad like wtf?' and i laughed bc... Yeah that does sound strange to say. To me its natural bc i can recall how he#Sounded. Ive learned to recognize his diffrent tones and he sounded so happy and hopeful and cute so to me that's precious memory#And i talked more than i usually do in general. And shared more and yeah im anxious about that but it was nice#He said one thing that almost made me cry but then i remembered the way of thinking 'he didn't mean it as an insult to me just a fact' so i#Was fine. Aka he said something like 'i think you think youre understanding. But there are things one cant understand if you have not#Experienced it' and thats true. I try to be understanding but also i know i cant understand everything because i have no reference to#Everything. Talking with Oliver is so fucking refreshing for me bc of how diffrent he is and how he talks in general. He says what he feels#Or tries to. I find that great tbh. Open communication and i dont have to think about it and guess bc he'll explain to me instead#So even if i cant relate or understand i will usually hear another diffrent opinion and its fun.#'i think being emotional is nice. I wish i was more emotional. Its nice that you and other people like you are that'#Getting even an general compliment from oliver is a big boost for my ego lol. He hates saying things you personal terms#Im guessing its bc hes scared of intimacy in general meanwhile im ... Kinda similar. I say we often and like to see myself as part#Of an group. Aka my friends. But i will say shit i think openly and be sappy unless i think people wont like it jskfksjajnfjf#It was fun to hear something positive from him tbh. I always admire people and their diffrent qualities but i assume they dislike mine#So hearing someone liking my... Less popular/fun traits is always nice. I know im emotional and sensitive but 9/10 times people find it#Annoying. I personally dont dislike that part of me. When i do its bc i know others think im too much so i dislike making then uncomfortabl
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