#so keep in mind that people invalidate my autism every day but this is also what theyre invalidating when they act like that

[reserwrekt]

I used to describe my mother's child abuse towards me as "weird and sneaky" but now I've got a better description for it now that I'm aware of what it was I was dealing with: a mother abusing her autistic child.

1) she would make me step entirely out of the warm shower water while she lathered my body, and although I'd be shivering, she'd take a long time to do it, wouldn't let me take a break, and if I cried- she hit me.

2) If I asked to try a food, she would force me to finish it, even if I was gagging or throwing up. I remember specifically the first time was when I asked to try an under-ripe banana.

3) Making food for me, badly, on purpose. I remember I told her "I don't like brown rice." But it wasn't brown rice- it was white rice that she would dump a very unhealthy amount of soy sauce into, and she would force me to eat it.

4) Not allowing me to drink anything. At first she said it was because I wouldn't eat dinner, but she would go on to regularly deny me fluids even if that wasn't a factor. She made it a rule that I couldn't drink at the dinner table until I ate all my food. My grandmother would continue that weirdly abusive thing.

5) Ripping my hair out every morning.. something I had in common with a lot of other colored girls, was my mom being ridiculously violent when brushing and braiding my hair, and hitting me if I scratched at it or tried to untighten the braid in any way. She would put the braids so tight, I'd cry, and of course, she hit me for crying. This form of abuse had left permanent evidence, as I got older, I got more and more self conscious of my jagged hairline, only to figure out it was probably because of this, and I noticed other poc girls bare the same scars...

6) Slapping or hitting me when I did something wrong on accident. I had learning difficulties and still do, but I remember when I was 4 and learning how to brush my teeth, she hit me for accidentally swallowing the toothpaste. She didn't tell me why it was wrong or if it was even actually a bad thing to do, she just hit me over it.

Other adults would abuse me in simular ways, constantly. Sure, my teachers didn't hit me, but sometimes I could feel they wanted to.. I'd get punished harder than anyone else for stupid things like daydreaming, stepping out of line, forgetting things, being late, ect... So when people invalidate my asd, it feels like they're invalidating this too.

[felony-dykery]

“radfems are just bitter abuse survivors”

I am so tired of TRA’s being like “ohhhh you’re only radfem because you experienced rape/csa/male violence”, as if that’s not a very good reason to become a radfem. There are other things that drew me too it also, but yes. Most of those beginning factors stemmed from personal experience. 

At age seven my dad abandoned me and my mom so he could keep doing cocaine. After my mom paid for several rounds of his rehab out of pocket. After he financially and emotionally abused her. We were destitute when he left. We didn’t eat for days at a time when we were first getting back on our feet. I had to spend years in a different state with extended family, away from my mother, because she had to work three jobs to keep our house. It sparked my struggle with food insecurity and disordered eating, not to mention created significant trust issues.

At age ten I started going on Omegle. I met and talked regularly with a seemingly friendly adult male crossdresser who would ask me to send him pictures of my shoes and feet. I was a prepubescent child, and I really thought he just liked my fashion. I didn’t realize his motivation until years later. 

At age eleven I was sexually abused and raped by a seventeen-year-old boy. I was visibly raped in front of several of his (male) friends and they laughed at me. I was again visibly raped ON A SCHOOL BUS, in front of my younger school friends who were too scared to speak out. The bus driver noticed and yelled “no sex on the bus” back to us. The entire bus burst into laughter and I was pretty much a pariah among my schoolmates after that. Again, I was eleven, and an adult was more concerned with keeping her bus clean than helping a child escape sexual violence. When my mom discovered this and brought it to the (male) principle he suspended ME and recommended I switch schools. The cops told us we had no case, and to this DAY my abuser makes multiple accounts to harass me. This sparked a hypersexual/kinky phase that I didn’t escape until around three years ago. Even after that it took significant time to even admit I only liked females. 

At age eighteen I worked weekends at a haunted house. That should have been a really fucking fun job for a teen to work, and at first it was. Then I was assaulted by a drunk middle-aged man. He pushed my costume up and said he knew “I was pretty under there”. My boss kicked him out, but later he told me to just accept it as part of the job. ONE of male coworkers pushed to have me stationed next to him, and it was only then that the harassment stopped. Only after I was “protected” by a male did other men stop trying to hurt me. 

Months later at the same age I was stalked by a male classmate. Each time we had a shared class he would stand in front of the door to ask me on a date. Eventually he started following me around campus nearly every day. He had autism and that was the excuse that university administration kept bringing up as to why he shouldn’t be punished. It wasn’t until I threated to bring up a title nine case that he was kicked from campus.

At age nineteen I was drugged and raped by a date. On my couch, which still sits just outside the room I stay in. When I contacted him afterward (which I shouldn’t have, but you know. I was young and wanted to offer the benefit of the doubt) he begged me not to go to the police. He said “please don’t put another black man in jail for no reason- aren’t you a prison abolitionist?”. I was, at the time, so I agreed. I still have really complicated feelings about that, and I keep having to remind myself that no matter his race, he raped me. He did deserve prison. 

Last year my current partner (who didn’t pass as a man at the time) and I were verbally harrassed on the bus by a group of men. They laughed among themselves and said things like “damn, they really going to hell” and “I could fuck the girly one better”. Eventually he stood up and propositioned me, saying that I wasn’t really a dyke and I just needed a real man to change my mind. An older black woman stood up and told him to fuck off. Once they got off the bus she talked to us about how she was a Christian, and how she disagreed with our “life choices”, but that she couldn’t sit idly while other women were in danger. I will remember her kindness and bravery for the rest of my life. To put oneself in the line of fire for another woman is one of the things I admire above all else.

These are just the most violent encounters I have had with males. This is not even encompassing the microaggressions, cat calling, sexual fat shaming, reproductive injustice, racialized sex-based fetishization, lesbophobic comments, and employment discrimination I have faced. And neither the extreme nor “average” examples I listed are uncommon. I am totally confident that every single woman (in the world) has faced at least three of these things in her lifetime. And it’s simply factual that many women have faced much worse. 

So yes. My experience with males pushed me to radical feminist thought. My experience hearing the stories of other (radfem and otherwise) females pushed me to radical feminist thought. Because in essentiality, fighting male oppression is exactly what radfeminism is about. Worldwide female solidarity is what radfeminism is about. And experiences of violent misogyny don’t invalidate our political beliefs- in fact they strengthen their validity. 

Feel free to share with your own experiences. People need to fucking hear real examples of why radfeminism is so important. 

[ingravinoveritas]

Hello! So I recently found out I have adhd and I’ve been doing a lot of research lately and it could be just my need to relate everything about myself to my interests but I noticed some adhd traits in David? But this is just from what I’ve observed in interviews and whatnot and I’m in no way a specialist, however I know you know a lot about neurodivergency and autism and since autism and adhd have a lot of overlap, you might be able to tell me if I’m correct in my hypothesis? Obviously we can’t know for sure, but you probably could make a much more informed assumption than I could. Thank you for all your work and being so so lovely! Xx

Hi there, Anon! This is such a sweet message, thank you! I truly did not expect this at all, and I’m honored that you felt comfortable enough to ask me such a personal question.

I do want to offer a few caveats and things to keep in mind before I dive into my answer, though. The first thing is that most of my ideas about David have been shaped through the lens of him with Michael Sheen. After watching Good Omens, I became a fan of Michael’s, having initially been drawn more to him. I gradually also became a fan of David’s and started watching him in interviews and such--but I don’t consider myself an expert in all things Tennant, and still tend to defer to my lovely friends @faggghaggg and @fckedupnerd​, who have had much more experience and acquired wisdom observing David on his own.

The second thing is that while I do have knowledge of neurodiversity, I can only speak from my own experience, which has mainly been with autism and not ADHD, so I am also hypothesizing and making educated guesses. But I want you to know that no matter what I or anyone else say about David, it absolutely does not invalidate your feelings. You have every right to see David as you do, and my opinion does not make me right or you wrong. I know it can be difficult not to let the things other people say define you, but you are the only one who can decide who you are.

All that being said, it’s important to mention that, like autism, ADHD is a spectrum. Some people have fewer support needs and are not as affected by their ADHD (for a variety of reasons)...and some people have much greater support needs and are profoundly affected by their ADHD. Also, the longer people are in the world, the more they tend to develop coping strategies, and with David both being nearly 50 years old and in the business that he is in, I feel like he has learned many way to either cope with or compensate for behaviors and actions that could be perceived as ADHD.

The difficulty for me is that what I have seen a lot of in David is enthusiasm, and I am not sure how to differentiate that from ADHD. David gets really, really excited about certain things--interests and hobbies that he loves--and there are many instances where that excitement manifests as hyperactivity. One immediate example that comes to mind is of course Doctor Who, and how he seemed to bounce with energy just at being on the set and having the opportunity to live out his childhood dream. Another example is his appearance on The Graham Norton Show a few years back, when he was promoting Much Ado About Nothing with Catherine Tate, and this adorable moment ensued:

He’s trying to remember his next line from the passage that Graham has just read, and quite literally jumps up onto the couch, bouncing about and looking at her frantically as he does so. And what this translates as to me is that David seems to use his entire body to process certain things. Whether he’s excited, or nervous, or anxious, or even sad, the energy he feels fills him up, and he has to let it out somehow or he’ll just explode (metaphorically speaking).

Another additional challenge is that I feel like David has also spent years suppressing and tamping down on that response, that hyperactivity. There was something he talked about in an interview with Stephen Mangan from about a month ago, where he confessed three “bad” things that he’s done in his life, and one of them was an incident in primary school where he was getting laughs from his classmates while trying (and failing) to tie a tea towel on his head. He was thoroughly enjoying the growing laughter that each attempt garnered...right until his teacher said “David John McDonald, sit down and stop showing off.”

This happened when he was five years old, and it affected him so profoundly that he still remembers it to this day. But it also started a pattern, which I think has threaded its way through his life, of “Don’t do this, mustn’t react like that, it’s not proper. Behave yourself.” More interestingly, there seem to be people in David’s life who are a continuation of that pattern--discouraging his enthusiasm, his hyperactivity, and any outward expression of that energy. And then there are people who are a disruption of that pattern--who encourage David to be open and passionate and share that energy wherever possible.

I think that’s why I love David with Michael so much, because Michael is the latter. Michael is a “man of enthusiasms” himself (as David described him on his podcast), and he has created a safe space for David to share that full body response freely, without any fear of shame or judgment. I also think it’s why David and Michael are so able to take the piss out of each other, because of that safeness and the love and trust between them. I don’t think David has many people he can do that with, so for that reason (and many others), I’m very, very glad that he and Michael have each other.

So I think there are elements to David’s behavior that could be construed as ADHD, but to what degree and how much they overlap with his enthusiastic nature combined with his instinctive tendency to downplay/hide it makes it hard to say. I hope this has helped to answer your question, Anon, and I wish you all the best in your journey with your new diagnosis. Thanks for writing in! x

[silcojinx]

Hank x Connor: Is Hank Connor’s ‘Special Interest’? Long post but important...

Okay so let me start off with a disclaimer....While I am 100% certain that Connor was written to have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) This was not confirmed or denied by the creator or any of the team that worked on Detroit. That said there is actual proof to determine that he, in fact, was written to have ASD. So much proof that it cannot be considered a coincidence. I am NOT self projecting I am simply going over canon facts. Also this is going to be a long post but please stick with me until the end because I am going to explain how this all links to Hank x Connor. 

🌟*it should be noted that I am an adult female on the Autistic spectrum so I can relate to many of these things but I will keep to the facts in the game. Also I am not stereotyping in any way. These are just well known autistic factors that Connor is exhibiting....🌟

So first let me establish what actually fits the bill in terms of Autistic behaviors. So that we can know that Connor canonly has ASD.

1. Connor has a STIM....✅

A STIM or a self-stimulatory behaviour, also known as stimming and self-stimulation, is the repetition of physical movements, sounds, words, or moving objects.  For an autistic person this is an extremely important because this motion can help ease anxiety in stressful situations. 

Connor’s STIM would be flipping his coin. A repetitive motion that he does in stressful and anxiety inducing situations. This makes senses as to where and when we see Connor play around with his coin. 

During the elevator ride to his first mission: 

(thinking about what his mission will be like with anticipation anxiety)

Before meeting Hank for the first time: 

(attributed to social anxiety)

And again in the elevator with Hank in the chapter “Public enemy”: 

(After Amanda tells him “ I may have to replace you Connor...” and “Something’s happening, something serious...Hurry Connor. Time is running out” )

This one is the most telling pieces as the camera shot pans to Connor’s face and the blank stare he has tells the tale of the thoughts that are bothering him and stimming is almost an unconscious decision meant to make the stimmer feel at ease with their own nerves by distracting the brain with repetitive motions. Think of stimming as an outward expression of the abundant thoughts that run quickly through the Autistic person’s mind. 

2. Connor Reconstructs while Markus Pre-constructs✅

This is a big part of ASD for a lot of autistic people (myself included) and this is a literal translation into physical form of what we/they go through on a daily basis and this has to do with impulse control and executive function (or the ability to control your impulses)

Executive dysfunction, which is common in people with autism, refers to a lack of one or more of the common executive skills or a tendency of these skills to require more time and effort than they usually do for other people. 

This is also applied to Connor through the “Reconstructing function” that was programmed into his model. And once again there is proof that he not only doesn’t think about the consequences before acting but that he also has more trouble then the “normal android” when it comes to pre-constructing or thinking about the actions he takes first.

When Markus preconstructs a scenario this is essentially him thinking about how to do things before hand as we can see that he has the ability to warn himself of impending dangers.

As he thinks about the options carefully and in detail (like in the GIF above) he knows the option he is trying to take is dangerous because it “would be too high” to reach. 

The earliest we see Connor do anything even remotely close to preconstructing (prior to meeting Markus and we will talk about that in a minute) is the chase scene when he is running after Rupert...

 By pressing R2 you can see the different options and this means that Connor can actively assess the situation however it is not in as much detail as Markus’. He sees that it is dangerous but he has no clue about what would happen if he takes the route he chooses as his assessment is only “Fast but risky” or “Safe but slow” so he actually not predicting outcomes. It is also worth noting that in his Reconstruct mode he can only rewind the events after they have already taken place. This means that he didn’t need to think about the events leading up to the end result he just watches the playback after the crime has already been committed. 

This is Connor not being able to see the end result of his actions similar to how impulse control problems happen in Autistic people....the action is taken and then reflected upon which can be dangerous and even deadly in many situations.

The difficulty that Connor experiences with actually executing a full Pre-construction is shown in the game as well as he is only able to run a full pre- construction after meeting Markus. All interactions was reconstructing until this point.

 This brings me to Connor’s social interactions as lack of impulse control, basic understanding of human emotions, and what is appropriate vs what is not to say in public is prominent in Connor’s dialogue.

3. Connor does not understand implications or jokes✅

Who could forget the first time Connor met Hank in the bar and Hank sarcastically asks Connor if he “knows where he can stick his instructions” Connor looks  confused and replies...”No...Where?”

He wasn’t trying to be funny he really did not get the joke nor the implication that Hank was trying to make here and asked with genuine intrigue. It is typically the case that most people with Autism (again including myself) they do not understand jokes or how to respond to them. Being analytical in nature some jokes are beyond them and they just do not know how to respond. Its common for males in particular on the autistic spectrum to over analyze the situation and think that the joke is actually serious communicating.

So we hit 3 major ASD traits:

1. Connor has a STIM ✅

2. Connor has impulse control problems✅

3. Connor has trouble with social skills✅

And that is just the tip of the iceburg....but lets move on. Another thing that Autistic people tend to do is have a special interest. This is something that the autistic person becomes emotionally attached to and wants to learn everything about.

  “ One characteristic or autistic trait that is commonly seen in individuals with autism spectrum disorders, or Asperger’s Syndrome is a preoccupation with areas of “special interests.” So common is this trait of autism that it is listed as one of the diagnostic criteria of the disorder.” - Jeannie Davide-Rivera of aspiewriter.com

So what is Connor’s special interest you ask? And how did it develop?

Well lets start with the latter. A special interest starts with a pique of interest. (which I believe to be the scene at Jimmy’s bar) Then it evolves into a desire to learn everything about the subject and then share that knowledge with everyone else. The autistic person then dedicates every second of their free time to learning about and talking about the subject they have chosen.

“Most people with autism have particular favorite subjects. Special interests can simply be like hobbies or careers only more so: someone on the spectrum can dedicate an immense amount of time to their special interest, even dedicating every free moment to it.” -AmbitiousAboutAutism.org.uk

So what does Connor do in his free time?

At the Office.... (this is Connor learning about Hank after the initial pique of interest in his spare time at the office)

At Hank’s House it becomes an objective.... (This is Connor wanting to “Learn more about Hank” in his free time at Hank’s house *Notice “LEARN MORE is in bold white text while the rest is normal)

There is even a trophy for this if you learn everything there is to know about Hank.

My conclusion is yes, Hank is Connor’s ‘Special Interest’ 

“Furthermore, and maybe most importantly, these interests feed the autistic mind and soul. It is what calms, focuses, and brings pleasure. It is a way that these individuals decompress from a stressful day; a way to shut out the world for a while in order to refocus and recharge.” - Jeannie Davide-Rivera  at aspiewriter.com

But there is another side to the symbolic flipping of Connor’s coin here. And that is an obsession. The way Detroit is written never ceases to amaze me at how in depth they take their symbolism and this is no different as Hank is meant to represent the “special interest” there is also one other thing that Connor can ultimately care about and that is his mission.

The two paths you can take as Connor comes down to Hank or The Mission..... Hank is the good healthy way of dealing with a “special interest” and the mission? Connor going down “machine path” is symbolic for an interest (the mission) becoming and absolute OBSESSION. And it is important to note the difference between Special interest and Obsession.  

A special interest is something with special meaning and emotional attachment for the autistic person that they are willing to put in a lot of time and energy in their free time to learn about and this is also different from a hobby in the amount of time thinking about the subject in said free time. Where as an obsession has climbed to a point that the autistic person can no longer think of anything but the subject...like everything else becomes invalid to them.

I have heard a unanimous verdict among fans (<---me included) that machine Connor is “scary” and why do you think that is? It is because literally nothing matters to him but the mission. 

He becomes cold, distant, and obsessed.

“When intensity and focus on an activity excludes everything else in the person’s life, the interest may be spiraling out of control. It is not uncommon for an autistic person to focus for hours on end engrossed in their area of interest. The intensity of focus shuts out the world around them to the point that hours and days can go by without even a thought of eating. Interruptions are unwelcomed, and can cause feelings of anger to surface. Even a routine bathroom break is seen as an unwanted interruption and source of irritation.” - Jeannie Davide-Rivera  aspiewriter.com

So when the interest becomes an obsession any interruption of them thinking about the subject is unwelcome and they become ANGRY.

In the Gif above Connor is too far into his “machine path” or no longer feels the emotions that come with a ‘special interest’ (or Hank) and is instead into the “obsessed path” He no longer even cares about DYING. Instead with his last words are “We’ll meet again Markus.....This isnt over” 

He no longer cares about himself “The mission is all that matters”

Also it is important to note that this is a MENTAL HEALTH STRUGGLE.

And I can’t get over the fact that there is so many messages within this game. Cyberlife made Connor a deviant from the start in order to learn in real time how deviants think and act in certain situations. (<---as stated in my previous theory about Connor) So it is not far fetched to say that Cyberlife made him AUTISTIC from the start learning both how to stamp out deviance AND take control of mental health “problems” in one fell swoop. This also makes a point about society and how they view Autism and mental health problems in general....as if they are a “glitch” in your code and needs to be “dealt with” or “cured”

But the silver lining of this is there is another option for Connor. Another message this game gives is that one person can make the difference in the struggle with your mental health problem if they give the unconditional love and support that you need...

*BONUS* Autism Speaks color is blue...

[almond-assistant]

A very long rant and my opinions on neofeminism

Keep in mind that these are very opinionated, and I really don’t wanna fight with you. I’m only posting this so people know where I stand with this stuff, and so they know what kind of person I am.

Inequality: (the fake scenario here is metaphorical and also taken from a youtube video) Imagine there was a short person and a tall person, and there's a wall. In order to see over it, both people are given a stool of equal height to stand on. The tall person is still taller, and can see farther. Instead of giving the taller person a shorter stool, or a short person a taller stool, how about we give nobody a stool. Instead, give them equal materials to build their stool. Equal opportunity does not mean an equal outcome.

Wage Gap: That thing? It's non-existent; women are actually 'out-earning' men, according to literally every governmental source. And if the wage gap existed, it'd be illegal, considering women recieved equal rights in America in 1972.

Transphobia: Trans people are propped up and given all sorts of support in society! I remember at one point I considered myself transgender (I'm still queer-identifying fyi), and I was treated just as well, if not better, than most kids at my high school. And you know how you guys are so "supportive" of trans-men? Well, guess what. By not grouping him in with the cis men, you are therefore being transphobic by invalidating his identity, implying he is not like the cis man, as he would like to be seen as. Do you call a trans guy a rapist, like a cis man? No. Do you consider him sexist, like the cis man? Of course not! Even if he is, you wouldn't DARE accuse him of that! Right? Because he's an owo smol trans flower boy. By rubbing it in everybody's faces that you/someone you know is trans, you are therefore negating the fact that they'd like to be treated like a cisgendered person in the first place. Same goes for trans-women. FYI, I completely support real trans people!

Transtrenders: Super transphobic! If you want to be babied and called uwu smol then go join the adult baby community. You want to be queer? Just don't label yourself trans! Want attention? Go join a fucking talent show or something idk. Don't have dysphoria? What's the point in calling yourself the opposite gender? I don't get that. Wanna be a futa catgirl? I... I don't even know. Please stop that. Sexualizing trans/intersex people is transphobic. Trying to fit in? I get that. I did that. But please, please. don't rub it in everyone's faces. I actually DO have a bit of social dysphoria, but I used to make it a bigger deal than it should've been.

Patriarchy: I agree that patriarchy doesn't work. But, patriarchy is also basically gone, so I don't agree that it's this really big deal you guys make it out to be. On the other hand, matriarchy doesn't work well either. It takes both genders for lots of things to run smoothly. There are highly positioned women and men. That's what makes systems work, including reproduction and all that jazz. So basically, men are in fact needed. Stop treating them like shit. If you got rid of men, we'd go extinct. I know there's this thing with women's bone marrow or whatever, but that's not really relevant, and it isn't even guaranteed to work. By separating women from men, you are therefore being sexist, because equality doesn't have anything to do with gender. It's like if x=y, then y=x, y=y, and x=x. If x and y was female and male, or literally any gender, this would be the goal of feminism by definition. Without the belief that women are currently in a lesser position in society, neo-feminism falls flat. Speaking of which, you always focus on women, why aren't you including all of the other "genders"? Isn't that a bit sexist of you? Society is giving women everything they don't deserve. That's not equality. And yet you still think women are opressed.

Rape Culture: And before you rush to the comments with "You don't know what it's like to be sexually harassed!", I do, and that's why this topic ticks me off so much. Anyway, by labeling all men as rapists, you are therefore being sexist. And, even though you guys say men/boys can't be raped, they have been, and can be. Males are actually sexually exploited more than women. Furthermore, women can be rapists. Consent doesn't apply to just the woman. If a woman wants to have sex with a guy and he says no, yet she forces him to, it's still rape. Legal sexual interactions require both parties involved to give consent. I read a post on here that said something to the effect of, "If you don't have sex with a fat woman, you're raping her". That... boggles my mind.

Ableism: I have mental illnesses too, so this also pisses me off. I mean, I get that some people are wheelchair-bound or don't have the same mental abilities as a neurotypical person. I think it's great that we're helping to accomodate these people! But when you call everything that could even possibly leave out someone other than the neurotypicals ableist, it's frustrating. Literally anything could be ableist or classist. Eating pizza? No, this is ableist because some people have diabetes and can't eat certain things. Running gear? Ableist. Some people have to use wheelchairs, either because they were born paralyzed in the legs, or because they're too obese to move. Brain exercises? No, get that out of here. That's offensive to people with autism or the like, because their brains don't work like that, and it implies they're not good enough. therapy? Kill it with fire. You're saying we neurodivergents are not ok? It's like you don't care about people that want to get better. There's such thing as a target audience, so now let's see.. Pizza? Oh! That's for people who want a quick, cheap, and easy meal! Running gear? That's meant to interst people who enjoy being fit and maintaining their cardiovascular health. Wheelchair-bound folks have specialized exercises for keeping their muscles healthy. Running would not be as effective of a way for them to do that. Brain exercises? For people who want to keep their brain sharp and improve certain areas where they might have weaknesses. Again, people such as my brother (who has medium-high functioning autism) can have special exercises provided to them. But when companies manufacture products that leave out the neurotypical person, nobody thinks twice. So much for equality.

Fatphobia: I do agree that this one exists, although I've never experienced it myself, since I myself have problems gaining weight and keeping it on. I'm actually guilty of fatphobia, but hear me out. I don't mind if you're overweight, as long as others don't have to make special accomodations at no cost to the one being accomodated. If you're 500+ pounds and/or you need a wheelchair and two seats on a plane, I'm calling you out. There's no way you could be that fat without doing it to yourself or having a disability. I don't mind these things if you do have a disability, I understand you couldn't control it then. But if you're just sitting in your bed all day stuffing your face with cheese curls, you have no right to whine about fatphobia, as you could've easily prevented it. Mental disorders such as depression or anxiety that may lower your motivation so low that you don't care, I also get, since I've been in that situation plenty of times. Regardless though, I will not say you are beautiful. This is my personal opinion, and I know others may find obesity attractive, or even erotic (which is in itself fatphobic), but I do not. There are people who don't actually find it pretty, but still say it is. Please stop that. Speak your mind, yo. It's kinda sad that others shape your views, and if you don't agree entirely with the flock, you're not one of them, yknow? That's like... a cult or something.

Classism: I'm soft on this one, since I've been in and out of financial stability throughout my childhood and it sorta fucked me up. But again, calling everything classist is just not right. Songs about fancy cars and diamonds are praising the lush life, not making lower classes feel bad. If anything, those songs help them work harder to achieve their own dreams and have their own great life. But again, it's all about the target audience.

Racism: Racism was originally based off of fear and confusion. Other races had never seen a different skin color than their people's, and thought they were a different breed or species. The reason europeans and americans viewed africans as animals, is because they didn't know what else they could be. African society wasn't as developed, and the African people exhibited very primitive behaviors, as opposed to the educated caucasian. After a while, the african people taken to other lands as slaves, started to dislike that life and form their own opinions and values. The white people learned that the Africans were just humans of a different color, and eventually softened up a bit. But they couldn't abandon their ways of life, so the slaves slaved on, and the rich got richer. These values passed through generations, and eventually someone said, "Stop, these are people too, let's set em' free.". Though, yes, some families still teach their children to be racist, they don't imprison them anymore. Schools do a very good job of describing the treacheries of racism and slavery so it doesn't happen again. Most of my friends (and my boyfriend who I love so so much) are of color, in one way or another. Shit, I'm like, an eighth native american. I do consider myself white though, I'm Norwegian and Irish, for the most part. But I'll still honor my roots. Anyway, even modern racism is still based on fear. Islamophobia stems from terrorism, Black violence comes from stories of gangs and police shootings, and lots of other xenophobia stems from stereotypes. I'm completely against racism, trust me. But when you separate white from black and call white people scum, and call people of color 'strong, independent', and discard white people, it's kinda confusing. Racism applies to race, and caucasian is a race. Get it together.

Cisphobia: That exists. Cisgenderism/Heterosexuality are still identities, whether you want them to be or not.

Sexualities: Cool, You like people (Or you don't, if you're ace/aro). I know these sexualities were shunned before but most people are really accepting now! Just not the weird demonsexual things. Some people don't understand that too much. I sure don't.

Genders: Same as sexualities, don't get too crazy and people are cool w/ it.

Mogai and Neopronouns: Shit, get them out of here. You're making actual LGBT+ people look like a joke.

Anything I didn't mention that you'd like to hear my opinion on? Leave an ask! All interaction is welcome, though not all is wanted. Regardless, I'll try to be kind to you. I really have no reason to be rude to you if I don't know too much about you.

-Kevyn (almondassistant)

[dailyaudiobible]

09/06/2021 DAB Transcript

Song of Solomon 1:1-4:16, 2 Corinthians 8:16-24, Psalm 50:1-23, Proverbs 22:22-23

Today is the 6th day of September, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible, I’m Brian, it is great to be here with you today as we take the next step forward together, which is what we repeatedly do, every day, take another step forward together in life and in the Scriptures. And this next step forward leads us into some new territory. So, we’ve come through the book of Job, we’ve come through the book of Ecclesiastes and explored some of may be that that kind of stuff we avoid exploring. Kind of stuff we just keep running and running and running to avoid. But the Bible puts it right there in the middle and it's there so we can, well, so we can take the time to look into what we’re wrestling with. So, in Job we certainly watched Job claim innocence and seek God while his friends were telling him of his guilt and his need for repentance and then we heard from God, who very clearly revealed there’s a whole lot more to any of our stories than we really understand and we remember those famous words from Job when he’s speaking to God, “I had only heard about you before, but now I’m seeing you and I don't have any, I put my hand over my mouth, I've already said too much.” And then we moved into Ecclesiastes and looked at cautionary wisdom from the perspective of a person who had done it and seen it all and ultimately arrived at a place that we spend our whole lives chasing the wind, we could spend our whole lives in meaningless pursuits. But if we can be present and awake to the now to what's actually happening now and treat what is happening now as a gift and be grateful for what God has given us, then we won't waste our whole lives trying to achieve the next thing which isn't to diminish achievement, it's just what we were talking about, how we can run and run and run and we’re running away from some things and we’re running towards some things but we’re only ever running we’re never actually grateful in the moment that we’re in, we might have gratitude for what God has yet to do in front of us or what he's done but to be here now is in fact, one of the greatest gifts that we get, we get to be alive in God's presence now. So, we move through that territory which brings us today into some new territory. 

Introduction to the Song of Solomon:

This is still part of the grouping of what we would know as wisdom literature, but a very different complexion. This new book we’ll read today and tomorrow and it is known as the Song of Solomon or the Song of Songs and so it’s very, very different than the territory we were in Job and Ecclesiastes. It's short, like I said, we’ll read it in a couple days but it…it touches a lot of our lives, depending on how we want to read it. So, let's begin with the fact that this is poetry, and whether we’re poets or whether we've studied poetry or whether we've maybe rarely ever read a poem, we probably should all understand that poems, they say thing things and rhyme and phrase that is well beyond their words so stanza of poetry that's super beautiful and super well-constructed can say what all page would need to say if it were just being explained. Poetry uses plenty of metaphorical language so this is like that or allegorical language, symbolic language, where the symbolism has greater meaning and so the Song of Solomon can be read in a number of ways. If…if we just read it as a poem, literally, for what it's saying, then we will encounter the story of passion and a passionate consummation of love between a man and a woman who are deeply in love with each other, lost in love with one another, and so the poem itself stands on its own, just as it is, a witness to marital love and the bliss that occurs when two become one a, passionate, physical relationship which bothers some people because knowing what's a sex book in the Bible for? I guess because God created this type of intimacy, invalidates this type of intimacy, but there are other ways, if we look allegorically or metaphorically and look at the Jewish tradition, then this is an allegory of a poem that is intended to show the passionate love, the desire for intimacy that God has for his children, and in this case the Jewish people and that has been a way of reading the Song of Songs for a very, very long time and it's a fine way to read it. There's a Christian tradition about the Song of Song's and that is that it's an allegorical look at Jesus, at Christ's love and desire and passion for his bride. So, as we go through this and go through this in any number of ways using any of these lenses and all of them are fine. How is it getting you? How are you receiving it? And so, let’s dive in and drink deep of this beautiful poetry, known as the Song of Solomon and since this poem is largely an interaction between a man and woman, we have a tradition around here at the Daily Audio Bible that my wife Jill, she comes in and we read this together and it's a favorite for us and she is of course over at Daily Audio Bible chronological, and so, they in the chronological order came to Song of Solomon a little bit earlier and so I was able to read Song of Solomon with her over on chronological earlier this year. Now she's here with us to read the Song of Solomon together over these next couple of days. So, let’s dive in, Song of Solomon chapters 1 through 4.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for this new week. We thank You for this new territory that we are in as we move through the Song of Solomon. Come Holy Spirit as we transition into some new territory in the Scriptures, open our hearts, open our minds and we might love You well and we might love You from a whole heart, that we might surrender to You, knowing that is the safest thing in the whole and the experience of life that we could ever do. Surrender and walk with You. Come Holy Spirit we pray, all of this we ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s the website, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. I always love it when we get to this time that we’re doing Song of Solomon, and Jill gets to join me and I look forward to that every year. That's fun and that will be happening tomorrow as well and we’ll finish the Song of Solomon and that's one of the things that are going on around here. But stay tuned and stay connected by being aware of dailyaudiobible.com or the Daily Audio Bible app. If you don't have the Daily Audio Bible app you can download that from your app store. It's free and its good way to stay connected stay connected with the journey through the Scriptures because it helps you keep track and see your progress but you can also access the things that are on the website as well. And so, like the Community section. This is, this is a place to get connected, the different links to the places on social media where the Daily Audio Bible is, you can find those there as well as the Prayer Wall and the Prayer Wall is a beautiful thing in this Community because it does matter what time zone, we’re in, we’re all over the world is the Global Campfire Community. And so, when it's night for me in the rolling hills of Tennessee, it’s daytime somewhere else in the world and so the Prayer Wall is just always on, always happening. There are always things to pray about and maybe it's our turn. Maybe we’re carrying some things that we’ve been trying to shoulder it all by ourselves, or dragging along all by ourselves and maybe we’re exhausting ourselves when we have brothers and sisters, we have a spiritual family that we can reach out to and the Prayer wall is a very, very good place to do exactly that. So, that is in the Community section, whether on the web or in the app, check it out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that on the web at dailyaudiobible.com or in the app. There's a link on the homepage, on the web. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And as always if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today, I’m Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hi, I’m a first-time caller. I’ve only been listening to the DAB for less than a year, I found it by accident. It’s been a great blessing to me. I want to let you know that I pray for all of you and sometimes I pray later and do it again. I’m asking for prayer for my adult children that come back to the Lord and also for I have three grandsons with Autism, that one that’s the worse is non-verbal, he has aggression and self-injurious behavior. And his life is not good, he’s got medical issues and I’m asking for prayer for Willam. And thank you very much. Bye Bye.

Hi DAB this is Ani from Nigeria. First of all congratulations ….. and I’m so thankful for all God is doing for you and in this time, it was much needed journey. Family, I just need prayer to be, today was a hard day, it was a hard day and then I came home. What I need prayer for is just (inaudible) my family. My family is not – towards me but just being around me is almost like – damage. And I – and most times I try to block it out. (Inaudible) And so I’m just praying for healing for myself and for my heart and for my family. There’s a lot of pain and I don’t necessarily know what the solution is but God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than I can imagine. So, I am just desiring this prayer for healing for myself especially. And as I’m going into another season of my life, I’m praying that I don’t carry any of this that I have seen or I have experienced into my own life and internalize it. So, that’s really what I want healing from and just freedom really. Freedom from this situation and everything that it in. So yeah, thank you very much guys, I really appreciate this community and I appreciate this family and I would have never have thought this would have become such a stable force in my life but I’m so thankful for it. Have a good day everybody. Bye.

Hi, this is Victorious Solider, just calling tonight, my heart was really heavy for my precious sister Mercy, the one with the 9 children and the 22 grandchildren. My God Mercy, that is such a challenge that only our God can do. Lord, we just ask you to touch Mercy and her precious family. Oh Lord, in the name of Jesus, we need your healing, not only for the children but also Lord for the mother and even the father that they have to be apart of something of this magnitude. Lord, we just ask you Lord, there is nothing to hard for you as you told Moses. You said nothing is to hard for you. Lord, we just ask you to have mercy Lord on our children Lord. We ask you to bless, we ask you to heal them, we ask you to guide them, we ask you to touch that whole family Father. In the name of Jesus, wrap them in Your arms and protect them Father. In the name of Jesus. I want to also pray for Yolanda. The woman who is in the hospital with COVID and her precious baby, about to deliver her baby. God, You are a doctor that (inaudible). The doctors may not know how to handle this but You know how to handle anything. We just ask your protection, we just ask your wisdom, to give them wisdom they need. Oh Lord, that this baby and this mother will be fine. Lord, You open doors no man can close. Oh Father, in the name of Jesus, I saw Your rainbow yesterday and Your promises and Your promises are still fresh that you are God that won’t hold back anything from them. Lord, they Love You so much, we ask You to touch, we ask You to heal, we ask you to deliver and set free. And this COVID Lord, and every aspect of a way, even in this young woman’s life, You have Your way, Father. In the name of Jesus. I want to also pray for God’s Life Speaker who’s struggling with her 21-year-old.

Hi, this is Marked As His, I haven’t called in a long time. But I’m calling years later because I realize that my husband and I need more help than we can do on our own. I don’t know if you guys remember but I was in nurse practitioner school, I have now completed my program. So, I’m a doctor or nursing practice, family nurse practitioner. My husband, we got married last November, we’re both dairy farmers and things are very, very hard right now. We don’t have enough help. We are working very long hours because we believe in what we do and being stewards of the land. But we’re tired and we want to start a family and we devoted all of our time and our energy and our focus towards building this farm and now we’re really struggling to keep it going. So, if you could all please pray for providence, we keep praying for daily bread every day and you know, it seems like we have enough just to get through today but we really wanna live abundantly. And, right now, it seems like the harvest is really dry. So, thank you all and take care, bye.

Hello, DAB fam this is Laura from Eugene. I just wanted to thank everyone for the updates. It has been so good to hear updates and GG, thank you for calling in. You were such a blessing; I pray for God to continue to bless you. And it was so good to hear about Izzy’s situation, I will keep Izzy and the family in my prayers. I just have a little story and a prayer request to tell as well. My friend was at the gym and he see’s this woman in a wheelchair with a significant injury to her leg, it looks like a hole in her leg basically. And my friend notices this and then she hears the Lord tell her to pray with this woman. And my friend does probably what I would do and just say Lord, are you talking to me? Do you mean hear? Do you mean now, really? And my friend wrestles with this a little bit but she goes and speaks with the woman and the woman proceeds to tell her that she’s been to many doctors and no one can heal her or help her get better and so my friend says well, I would like to pray with you and the woman immediately says well, what good is that gonna do? No doctors can help me, I don’t think that can help, and so my friend says well, I could either pray with you or I’ll just pray for you as I go and the woman continues to resist and my friend says okay and she starts to leave and as my friends leaving the woman says well, wait, what can it hurt. And so, my friend prayed for her and I’m just gonna ask for our community to also pray for this woman, her name is Joan and she has the hole in her leg that doctors cannot heal. And we know that God is the great healer and we know this community prays so I would love for God to be glorified through this woman.

[lithium-lossr]

It’s been a while since I’ve posted but mostly because after the appointments I was exhausted for days on end and all energy accumulated was spent on my toddler. Finally though, after a long nap, I have mustered enough energy weeks later to update my little tag for myself before I forget anything.

So here’s an update for myself.

Last I posted was how anxious and frustrated I was with the American healthcare System since, without insurance, 15 years of my life was depending on 30 minutes.

When I went in for that appointment I ended up only having an EKG, not the orthostatic blood pressure I expected. Which is fine, just really shitty when travel time is north of three hours, but my doctor knew their EKG prices are FAR cheaper than my areas so no worries. This appointment was 12/31/19

The nurse on the other hand was rather condescending, I thought. Maybe it’s the autism not catching tones right but i dunno. Felt off. I expressed I knew the EKG procedure since I’ve had several in the past so she didn’t need to walk me through it. She broke terms down for me and I also explained she had no need since I have a strong history in human anatomy but also have had several friends & my own sister being nurses. TYPICALLY I have nurses feel relieved or kinda happy after explaining I don’t need them to baby step me. Normally allowing that knowledge be known opens to some great convos that don’t involved every single step they’re taking. I felt some of her finishing comments about me being a “good little ekg taker since I’ve had so many” basically felt invalidating. I’m sorry I didn’t have you explain the whole process out to me like I’m a newbie. That you didn’t have to remind me 100 times to stop moving or talking. Maybe THATS why you fucked up the wire order and put my calves on my arms & messed up the chest one with another. Because you didn’t talk yourself through it. But hey, who knows. I don’t.

Anyways,

My EKG came back and it showed enough for us to set up and orthostatic bp appointment.

I was unable to find the EKG Results on the portal but I’ve requested them and will be adding them to my tag to keep track of all this.

For my orthostatic bp appointment I thankfully had a much nicer nurse. She had me lay down and did me up with a cuff and finger pulse oximeter. My oxygen was 99% (not to brag or anything *debbie Ryan hair pushback meme* but it’s Rona SZN bb)

I just focused straight up & ahead. Throughout the whole lay, sit, stand transition she asked me questions on how I felt. Just like any day my symptoms were strong and immediately on sitting up my chest felt sharp and tight. Slightly light on my top half. More I had to support myself the worse I felt. Started to realize how much I support myself with walls, chairs, bars, anything to keep me from having to hold my own weight because this sucked. When I stood my heart kept hurting and my body felt light. My legs felt like they were literally draining. Like I honestly feel like I’m in some sort of Stephen King movie with how it felt the blood fall. Feet felt heavy.

The poor nurse sounded so concerned. Several times she asked if I was going to pass out and if I needed to sit then sit but I won’t lie. If it took me passing out I was prepared to because I’m SO TIRED of this debilitating BULLSHIT.

To give better context on results I’m about to drop (to anyone who actually might be reading this and care) on my orthostatic bp I am:

-24 years

-114 lbs (51.7kg)

- 5’7” (170cm)

My results (copy and pasted from the portal)

Orthostatic BP -

123 / 78 supine R arm adult cmchale1 01-12-2021

127 / 95 sitting R arm adult Abnormal cmchale1 01-12-2021

134 / 91 standing R arm adult Abnormal cmchale1 01-12-2021

Conclusion came to yes, it is POTS-

“Dr. R______ has reviewed your nurse visit and states: Her symptoms and vital signs are highly suggestive of POTS, or postural tachycardia syndrome. There are a variety of reasons this can happen, but the most common demographic is young, thin females. Often, nonpharmacologic treatments can be very effective. Specifically, high salt diet, aggressive fluids, and a daily exercise program with cardiovascular training (e.g. interval jogging - let me know if she needs more specifics). Also, doing things to increase venous return (squeezing the leg muscles a couple times) before standing up can be helpful. Sometimes, a beta-blocker like propranolol can be used as needed to help with high heart rates, but should only be used in the context of the behavioral strategies. I'm happy to send some in, if she doesn't get enough relief with the behavioral approaches! Let us know if you have further questions.”

Since dealing with this so long most of these things have already been in place. I’m a r/hydrohomie and even recently updated my bottle to a half gallon hydroJug since my quart was just useless. Always ALWAYS empty. I have a relatively salty diet but will be getting supplements to boost, I just don’t really know what to look at for SALT/sodium tablets. Like, the thought of them existing never crossed my mind until I read about sodium intake. As for working out I won’t lie, I chase a toddler (16m) around all day so I definitely TRY to get a nice workout in but I’m exhausted after them. In Maine we are below freezing temperatures and inside just don’t have much room so I try to hoop or do some palates or something to get my muscles working. I used to be such an avid walker when I lived in town. Even in the winter I’d just walk to the store. But now the closest store is 5 miles away on a busy road in tourist/farm land so needless today it’s isolating for someone who doesn’t drive. Even when the weather is nice I never NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH T I C K S. Northern Maine doesn’t deal with that. I saw my first tick at 19 years old 50 miles from my hometown. So not even something I had to worry about hiking in the woods up north. But HERE. PEOPLE KEEP A COLLECTION TO SEE HOW MANY THE CATCH EXCUSE ME.

Ugh that’s a tangent and a half but 🤢🤮 ticks

Little fucking paracites.

As for the medication, I’m glad that wasn’t the first thing she pushed on me. I LOVE having a D.O. over an M.D. Idc. If I have a choice I will pick a D.O. EVEYTIME. My goal is to eventually be off all pharms, even if right now it’s only Zoloft. After I stop breastfeeding I’m to add lithium back at a low dose and that’s just so much maintenance. Labs, med management, MORE refills. Adjustments. Sigh.

Adding also for anyone who does actuall read. I KNOW a cardiologist is who can properly diagnose me and help me more effectively than a D.O PCP. My pcp is literally just worried about my heart and that it was ignored so long. She also knows I have no private insurance and her office doesn’t take state. She’s worked with me in the most amazing ways to get me the best care for the CHEAPEST.

Her original plan was to have a holter monitor for 24hrs & ekg and go from there. I wasn’t able to get a holter to rent so unfortunately we had to relay on my Fitbit but I also got an finger pulse oximeter to track my symptoms especially when I felt them. I was suggest to also get a BP cuff but baby steps. I plan on ordering an electric arm bp when I can.

I had my EKG which clearly showed a need for a Ortho BP.

My overall plan was at LEAST get it addressed and in my records for when I eventually DO have to change PCPs for what ever insurance I can scramble up. That way my new pcp can see and maybe I can get in with a real cardiologist.

I’m just so damn grateful that my doctor listen to me. I love receptive doctors. Thank you Dr. R for being a Queen and not ignoring how I have to live and feel based on the words “I pass out randomly.” You gave your thoughts, I CHALLENGED them and you listened. Thank you. Thank you for not having a fragile ego and working on this together.

[aceyanaheim]

I just went to see my career counselor again and I always had some concerns.

Cause when I first saw her and told her I had autism so interviews were hard on me her response was “we can fix that” and regardless of content whenever I “come out as disabled” particularly with autism and I hear the word “fix” I get...really fucking wary.

And like...she’s nice is the thing. She honestly and wholly thinks she’s helping me. ( by saying things like “it doesn’t seem to be such a disability to you” ) and I’ve come to the conclusion she doesn’t actually understand what she’s saying.

So...Imma just drop some knowledge on y’all and explain to you what some things actually sound like and why you shouldn’t say them.

Meaning I’m about to call some folks the fuck out. 

“It doesn’t look like a real disability...not for you at least”

Means: In my mind, when I think of the word disabled, I think of someone who can’t hold a conversation or who is visibly Other. You look like me, therefore to me, you “don’t look” or straight up aren't disabled. Not REALLY. 

( This is a horrible view of disabilities as a whole? We’re fucking people. All of us. Whatever you have in mind with connotation with the word whether it’s a wheelchair or a visible tic. Does not deserve for you to have this train of thought either. They are also people. Just like me. They deserve your respect and to be heard out and to have the same ability to work for a living. Just. Like. Me. )

“You seem to be doing fine. It doesn’t seem to affect you’

Means: I’m going to ignore the fact that you just told me that things are twice as hard for you on account that you seem to be able to do them. Because again, to me disability means incapable of accomplishing any task ever. And despite the fact that this is exhausting to you, I’m going to expect it from you every day and invalidate your feelings whenever you say that this is actually really fucking hard because you’re disabled.

( I’m not even gonna try to go into how much that fucks me up or why it’s bad. I shouldn’t have to have a meltdown for you to accept “this is hard for me” I shouldn’t have to break down or go nonverbal. I shouldn’t have to prove I’m disabled. If someone tells you something’s hard for them or they set a boundary. You shouldn’t assume they’re lying. That’s....that’s really horrible. And it hurts people who aren’t visibly disabled because disabilities don’t go away because you can’t see them or don’t believe in them. They are always there. )

I brought up people with physical disabilities and how some of them can’t walk but some can ( so maybe you shouldn’t base how seriously you take my disability on how capable I look to you. Because I can, in fact, have a hard time speaking to people but still be able to do it. Just like someone with a physical disability can walk but may choose not to, because it also exhausts them.)

-soft cooing noise-

Means : My narrow tiny mind can’t imagine what it’s like to have an “Actual” ( read: physical ) disability and I feel like this poor soul has no reason to be happy because everything I know about disabilities comes from crappy romance movies that I watch with my lonely-ass equally stupid friends. Okay I’m geting mean but you can’t really blame me.

( That person is a fucking person. I don’t really know how to say it but at no point should your answer to a disability be the same kind of noise most people reserve for puppies and babies. I don’t care that you’re under the -erroneous-  presumption that you can’t possibly live with a handicap. I don’t care that you believe disabled people should be pitied. That’s bad enough. But this response? This response should get you decked in the face. Full force. No holds barred. No other reaction. 

Like you should never treat a person like you would a dog  I don’t think I should have to tell you this Jesus Fuck)

“You’re doing so well” -in that tone- Y’all know the one, the one that you give a kid who just learned to write their name, or again a puppy when it learns a new trick-

Means: Oh my goodness gracious me when you said Autistic, I thought you meant completely incompetent. But look at you doing the things I gave you to do. Talking to people like a “normal” person. Who’s a good autistic person? You’re a good autistic person!

( You should never treat a person like you would a dog  I don’t think I should have to tell you this Jesus Fuck )

I finally snapped at near the end of the appointment and asked her if she ever worked with people with autism. Her answer was an unsurprising “no” and “do you think I didn’t react to autism well”

“I don’t think you know what autism is”

So she asked me to explain it to her and did my best ( while dealing with social exhaustion and with “not a real disability” still ringing in my head) that yes, I “seem” to be doing well. But that’s because I’m scripting. I’m trying really hard to keep up. I still need help. It still takes me longer to learn how to speak in whatever way it makes me more eligible to work ( which sounds a lot like “I’m neurotypical. Hire me” but w/e) That’s how my disability affects me. It’s there. Acknowledge it.

She then went on to ask me how she should treat this other student who showed signs of being  neuro divergence and “is that Autism?”

Which means: Now that I’m convinced you’re actually disabled I’m going to think of every different behavior as your disability. Because I know so little on the matter and am so removed from understanding disabilities. I’m going to group them all under the same not-me file in my brain.

( It’s...it’s called neuro divergence what on earth makes you think we’re all the same?)

I did my best to help by explaining very nicely that unusual behavior doesn’t necessarily mean autism and tried to give her a list of other disabilities that could have the same trait and why she should talk to her client himself about this because he is a person and deserves to be spoken to not spoken about. 

( and was treated to wide eyes and “ooh dyspraxia. What even is that. It sounds scary” which....I decided not to tell her I also have it. And that it’s a big word that means I have poor coordination, and trouble tying my shoes. Yep, that..that’s terrifying alright. Which closet will you be hiding in? )

Don’t get me wrong I’m glad she at least seems to want to learn. But...I shouldn’t have to do this. I shouldn’t have to explain to the trained professional why this is abhorrent behavior. I shouldn’t have to help her understand why she shouldn’t speak to any of her clients this way.  That shouldn’t be my job. It’s her job to already know that. 

( What would she have done if she hadn’t met me? If I hadn’t snapped? How was she treating other disabled people she met with? According to her, she didn’t deal with a lot of disabled people. Which from what I gathered might just be code for “I didn’t notice or acknowledge they were disabled because they didn’t have a wheelchair or a service dog” )

I shouldn’t have to hear “we weren’t trained for....That” ( “That”? “That” is a really removed and dismissive way to address an entire population of people with very varied disabilities. Say Disabled. Say Autistic. Say Neuroatypical. These aren’t bad words. 

Don’t say “that” “those people” cause you just mean “those Other People Who Are So Removed From Me My Brain Has A Hard Time Seeing Them As People At All. 

And it fucking shows. The sooner you stop removing yourself from disabled people the sooner you can see us. Acknowledge us. Talk to us so we can tell you what we really need from you.)

If you work with a school, or a career center, or any government job where you help people you should already be trained for this.

You should be aware that there are people who are hard of hearing and might need accommodations, you should be aware that there are people with mental disabilities who need you to maybe speak differently, or teach differently, or who are nonverbal. You should already be aware that there are people with chronic illnesses. You should be aware that we’re here and you should address us as people.

I’m so tired of hearing “there aren’t enough disabled students to warrant that training” if you have one disabled student, that student deserves for you to treat them like a person, and work with them. They deserve for people to acknowledge their existence and help them like every other student. That is enough reason. ( never mind Florida actually has a sizable percentage of people with disabilities)

Disabled people shouldn’t be a variable. We shouldn’t be something you didn’t plan to include or prepare for. We exist already. We should in your plans, to begin with. The fact that you don’t seem to see us as part of your reality is in itself a big part of the problem.