#so kana really needs me to not find out

[review-anon]

Yeah, we need to deal with Void and Kokichi right now, because given what those assholes are gonna do; they plan to tell RA about what you guys are doing...

...Chihiro its not your fault.

Huh but-

You were trying to get the ask box unlocked so that we could spread some Christmas Cheer, right?

I will admit that some of the asks we got were...not the best and we had a lot of crisises on this ship as a result of them.

But at the same time...we brought so much joy as a result. So please...don't feel bad.

Kazuki: If anyone is to blame its Ouma and Sannoji.

W-what do we do though? If they get to Review Anon's office...

They won't. I'll make sure of it.

We have the majority on our side and they cannot leave Medibay right now. That gives us an advantage.

The last thing I want is them informing Review Anon about this because if she finds out...she's gonna be pissed, I know of it.

[haru-dipthong]

Fansub Release + Analysis of Utena Ep 14

This is a big one!!

My fansub release posts aren't usually like this, but this episode is so jam packed with stuff I want to talk about that I had to write my translation notes as a series of essays. It's longer than usual so strap in!

First, a word on “The Mikage Seminar”

I’ve always found the translation “the Mikage Seminar” very strange. In English, a seminar is an event — a lecture. Yet “the Mikage Seminar” is discussed as though it’s not a recurring lecture, but a society or a school of therapy, or a cult (like scientology). In fact I did a bit of reading about scientology to try and find an alternative translation, and discovered that the origins of scientology, namely a set of ideas and practices called Dianetics, bears a lot of similarities to “the Mikage Seminar”. Both involve a type of therapy where one person looks into their mind and talks to an “auditor”.

The auditor coaxes the preclear to recall as much as possible. — Wikipedia

This in particular stood out to me! Mikage often says 「深く。もっと深く」 during his interviews (”Deeper. Dig deeper.”).

The Japanese word ゼミナール doesn’t actually come from the English “seminar” but the German “Seminar” (capitalised). According to Wikipedia, in Germany, and often in Japan, Seminar/ゼミナール is used to refer to a university course that includes a thesis project. So ゼミナール refers to a course of learning, rather than a talk or lecture. And it would make a lot of sense to call a system like Dianetics a “course”. Almost like a “course” of medicine — a “course” of psychological practices that you can join but never complete.

So it would make sense to translate it as “the Mikage Course”. But “course” has more meanings in English than just this, and in the context of a university this makes it sound more like a mundane teaching course. So I tried some other words: the Mikage Sessions, the Mikage Method, Mikage Psychotherapy, Mikage Therapy, the Mikage Movement. None seemed quite right. Until I remembered this post. ゼミナール is a foreign word in Japanese, why not find a foreign word for the translation? And so I settled on this:

The Mikage Seminarium, AKA The Society of the Black Rose…

Seminarium is Latin, and is where both the German and English derive seminar from. Its original meaning is “seed plot”, but it’s also just the Polish word for seminar. I really like how the Latin makes its meaning ambiguous — it kind of sounds like a location, kind of sounds like a society, and kind of sounds like a learning course. Because it is all of these things.

Anthy: では、香苗さん。失礼します。 Kanae: ね、あたしの事、お姉さんって呼んでいいのよ。もうすぐわたしはあなたの本当のお姉さんになるんだから。

A more literal translation:

Anthy: Thank you for having us, Kanae-san. Kanae: Please… you can just call me “sister”. I’m going to be your real sister soon enough anyway.

The translation I ended up going with:

Anthy: Thank you for having us, Miss Ohtori. Kanae: Please... you can just call me Kanae. We're going to be family soon. There's no need for the formalities.

Japanese honorifics strike again!

In English, sisters-in-law don’t ask to be called “sister”. That would be super weird in most scenarios, and this scene is trying to evoke a particular familiar feeling of closing a distance gap in a relationship. The audience is meant to relate. Changing how Anthy addresses Kanae was pivotal to this scene working properly.

わかりました。あなたは世界を革命するしかないでしょ。

I understand. Your only choice is to force the world to change around you.

This line is translated as “Your only choice is to revolutionise the world” by basically every other translation. The reason is clear — the Japanese is the same as when Utena pulls the sword out of Anthy, or when any of the other characters talk about “revolutionising the world”. However, in this context, I don’t like it. The nuance of the English phrase is quite different to the Japanese phrase. In English, it’s often used to describe new commercial products: “This new device will revolutionise the world!” It comes with an implied “for the better”, but has used to describe technological developments so unexciting that it can also feel hollow. When the student council talk of revolutionising the world, they sound like revolutionaries — the context makes it work. But in this context, it comes out of nowhere and doesn’t have any of that fervour, which makes it sound hollow and flaccid when it should sound sinister and manipulative.

I think a pervading throughline for all the Black Rose duelists is that they see their problems as caused by other people, with themselves being blameless. Rather than change how they approach their situation, Mikage tells them they’re in the right.

Your behaviour will set you down a path. If that path leads to your goals, well done! However, if your path does not lead to your goals, there’s only two ways you can achieve them.

The first is to change your behaviour so that it does align with your goals. The second, impossible way, is for the rest of the world to change such that your current path DOES end up leading to your goals. This second way is not possible in the real world. But it is possible in Utena.

Also I’ll just leave this here: “around you” → “revolve” → “revolution” 👀

Kanae tried to build a relationship with Anthy in a passive, non-confrontational, extremely Japanese way — the way she has been taught to behave, the “proper” way, a mechanical following of the social scripts. We don’t see a lot of their relationship, but the way she behaved and spoke of behaving towards Anthy is very very similar to the way my Japanese grandmother has behaved towards my and my brother’s partners.

It was unthinkable to her to change this pattern of behaviour. Her only choice was to change Anthy, change the rest of the world, so that her behaviour would lead to the outcomes she wants. You could describe this forceful bending of reality to be “revolutionising the world”.

この黒薔薇のある限り、私はこれから嘘の私を演じなくて住む。

As long as I have this Black Rose, I'm free from the lie I was living before.

Besides gender, growing up, and resisting change (which exist as separate themes but also all intertwine as one), another major theme present in Utena is the self and subjective reality. The self is explored within those first major three themes, but also in terms of how the self dictates reality with the Black Rose duellists.

Black Rose Kanae says that her past self was a lie.

It reminds me of all the times when I’ve been going through a personal trial and I’ve looked back on my past self and thought “How naive I was. I understand things better now.” And then after a while I realise I was wrong, and my first self was more right. And then later still, maybe I re-realise that the second self was more right! And so on! The reality of truth (or to use Kanae’s language, “lies”) is so subjective.

Who dictates knowledge production? Who decides what is true; what is valid knowledge? This is a question of sociology - and at the moment that answer is "science does, kinda". But science and academic systems are supported by capitalist structures and tainted by capitalistic incentives — needing to be published in a journal, issues of replicability, the barrier to entry into academia in the first place, etc, etc. In the future we may find our current way of organising knowledge to be archaic and primitive in the same way we look back at medieval scholars.

But what about organising self-knowledge? Knowledge where the only one who can really decide what is true is yourself. And the only one that can decide what yourself even IS is yourself. I feel like I have looked back on my old ways of conceptualising myself many times (not even counting the gender-based revelations) and thought it primitive and archaic, and NOW I truly understand who I am and how to think of myself and how my thoughts interact with my other thoughts. But I have no doubt that I’ll look back on this current self of mine and reject their way of thinking too.

After their heart is replaced by the Black Rose, the duellists themselves frame this change as a moment of self realisation, of clarity. Once the rose is inside them, they wake up from themselves, like I have countless times. Kanae says herself, “This is the true me.” Honestly, I don’t doubt it. I think that version of Kanae was her true self at that moment, given the things influencing her. Being brainwashed doesn’t make you less of a person, or less yourself. It just makes you organise your reality differently.

心を凍結させて作っただけの間に合わせのデュエリストでは、彼女は破れないな。

We won't be able to defeat her by simply freezing someone's heart and forcing them to duel.

Anya and I discussed this in depth. I originally translated 心 as “mind”, because that was the first thing that popped into my head and I thought that was the simple part of the translation. However, Anya pointed out that it didn’t make sense with the themes of self and subjective reality, and I strongly agreed, so I changed it to “heart” instead.

Anya suggested “conscious mind” instead of “heart” but I think heart is more accurate. 心 (kokoro) can mean heart or mind in Japanese (I find it interesting that those two things are portrayed as opposites in English), and that kanji is found in the word for biological heart, 心臓 (shinzou). When they say of the Black Rose "This is your new heart" they use 心臓. They also say "Your new 命 (life/lifeforce)" which I translated as soul since it sounded more hardcore and because "your new life" is a set phrase in English meaning a new chapter in your life rather than your life force. I think the idea is that they're freezing the duellists' ability to love and feel empathy, which in my opinion is necessary for them to commit to the unbelievably selfish act of revolutionising/reconstructing/bending the entire structure of the world for their own convenience.

A very special thanks to @dontbe-lasanya for being there to talk through all these themes and ideas. I'm incredibly proud of this episode's translation and I wouldn't have been able to do it without them.

If you want to see more analysis like this, let me know! And also follow this blog to see episodes of the fansub as they're released. You can find all episodes released so far here:

Rose divider taken from this post

[tokidokitokyo]

Cool Kanji Party Tricks

Or “How I Use Kanji to Impress My Friends”

Learning kanji can be daunting, especially for those just starting out in their Japanese studies. There are two thousand standard kanji needed to read a newspaper, but Japanese people know and use many thousands more. There are several methods available to self study kanji (just do a quick Google search to find the most popular), but any serious study of kanji takes time. Lots of time. It can feel like studying kanji over and over is a waste of time, especially since you have the internet at your fingertips to look things up at any time. However, I really believe that having a good foundation in kanji is essential to mastering Japanese, and I wanted to share what I call "cool party tricks" to encourage you in your kanji studies.

What are "cool kanji party tricks"? This is just a list of things I have noticed that having a solid understanding of kanji will allow you to do. I have been studying Japanese for more than 10 years, and most of these things I just noticed one day in an a-ha moment, and even though someone had told me for years that learning and practicing kanji is important, it took several realizations for me to truly grasp what that meant. I would say that many of these require an intermediate grasp of the language to be able to use consistently, but I think that you can start doing any of these after achieving a basic foundation in the Japanese language.

So when your hand is cramped from writing the same kanji for hours, when on'yomi and kun'yomi have become swear words, and when you lost that one little point on the exam because the kanji you were supposed to use was only off by one stroke from the kanji you actually used... I hope you will remember this post and feel a little bit encouraged.

Find the appropriate kanji to use when typing in the romaji/hiragana on a computer/phone

Since I started my Japanese studies during high school, the formal classes I was taking had me writing out kanji for homework in order to remember it and to be able to pass the quizzes and exams. So I spent many hours writing out kanji only to end up with hand cramps and ugly looking written characters. It took ages and the stream of kanji that I had to learn seemed endless. However, one benefit I quickly saw was that I was able to quickly adapt to typing in Japanese on a computer/phone because I was able to correctly identify the kanji that I had practiced, and knew which one to select when several choices came up.

In Japanese, many words have the same sounds but different kanji and meanings (these are called homophones). So when you type in the hiragana or romaji for a word into the keyboard, it will prompt you with a list of kanji to choose from. Being able to correctly select the right one is something I suddenly realized I could do one day, even if I hadn't used the word often. I knew and could recall a larger number of kanji than I thought, and I could eliminate any incorrect kanji for the word I was trying to use. Having a good solid foundation in kanji characters means that you don't have to go look up every word in the dictionary to check that you have the right kanji, and you also don't have to leave the word in kana because you can't guess the right kanji, but rather you are confident enough to pick the correct kanji for the word on your own. This makes typing more efficient and saves time!

Understand the meaning of a word just by looking at the kanji

When you know a significant amount of kanji and what they mean, sometimes when you encounter new compound words you can guess at what they mean. Or if you are like me and sometimes forget how to read words you are already supposed to know, you can magically relearn them by looking at the kanji and interpreting the meaning. So sometimes when I am reading text in Japanese and I see a compound I don't know, I can interpret the meaning from context and from my understanding of the individual kanji, and continue through the text without stopping to look up the word. This helps you to get the gist of a text without having to look up all the words, and is how you can start reading more advanced books or manga.

Guess at the pronunciation of a word from the kanji

On the flip side of the previous cool party trick is being able to guess how to pronounce a word by knowing the on'yomi and kun'yomi of the kanji, and therefore being able to guess at the pronunciation of a word. Unless the word has 人 or 生 in it. This helps most when reading out loud in class or to another person. It will also help you to feel smug about yourself while reading a book that is of a more advanced level and being able to determine the reading of several compound words in a row.

Understanding a new word using kanji clues

As an extension of the previous cool party tricks, I eventually reached the point where I could hear a word in conversation that I had never heard before, and figure out the meaning using kanji clues.

For example, not all Japanese people know English (shocking, right?), and busting out your phone to look up every single word you don't know can become burdensome in continuing the flow of a conversation. So, if I hear a word that I don't know during a conversation (and the continuation or flow of the conversation hinges on my understanding of the word), I will stop the person and either ask what kanji the word is written with, or if I have a guess I will ask "is this using the kanji for X?" This way I can gain clues to the key word without stopping the flow of conversation too much. (It's also a fun way to show off to Japanese speakers.)

For example, if you hear the word jishin (じしん) in conversation, and you aren't sure which meaning the speaker intended:

自信 self-confidence

自身 one's self

You can ask:

"Did you mean 自信 (jishin) with the "shin" from 信用 (shin'you) or did you mean 自身 (jishin) with the "mi" (another pronunciation of 身) as in one's body?"

Then the person can respond:

"Oh, I mean 身 (mi)! As in, 自分自身 (jibun jishin), or one's self."

Then, you can continue the conversation, having an understanding of what the speaker is saying and not having to take out your phone to translate as often. This also can give the person you are speaking to a better sense of your level and help them to tailor the conversation to you.

[I hope this conveys what I am trying to illustrate ^.^]

TL;DR: Kanji is Fun

Honestly, when kanji clicks and you can read words or understand their meanings, it's like deciphering a secret code, and this is one of the things I find so cool about Japanese, and why I have studied it for so long. So if you are just starting out and are daunted by kanji - don't worry. I am still daunted by kanji, but I also find it a useful tool to improve my knowledge of Japanese and to communicate in a way many people cannot. I hope this information was useful and inspires you to suffer through learn more kanji.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 165 thoughts

Aqua Hoshigan Status: It's Officially Hoshinover

Chapters Until The Story Ends Without The 143 Kiss Being Addressed Or Acknowledged: 1

damn i guess they really did just kill his ass

I'm gonna be so real with you gamers, I kind of don't have a lot to say about this one either lol. Which I acknowledge sounds completely wild given the Everything that happens in it, but most of my meat and potatoes analysis in these reviews comes from breaking down characterization and we're flying through everything at such breakneck pace that we're barely getting any characterization.

It continues to drive me bugfuck insane that Ai is completely absent from this finale despite the importance of 15 Year Lie. Its imagery is plastered all over but whenever we return to it, we just see Aqua. Not only that, but Gotanda is the one who insists on pushing the movie through for Aqua. 15YL as a story about Ai's true self and her tragedy is now officially taking a backseat to being about Aqua's tragic death and legacy. It was already bad enough that we spent so much time in the Movie Arc not actually focusing on Ai to the extent that, as everyone pointed out, based on what we saw on-page it was basically a Sad Kamiki Movie, but this really is just pissing right in the wound at this point lmao.

The funeral scene also serves as the final nail in the coffin for any Secretly Alive Aqua copes, which is kind of a relief. I still don't like how Aqua's death played out, but I think dragging it out for four chapters then going "sorry you thought i was /srs when i was just /jk" would have been infinitely more insulting. I don't like this ending, but I can respect that Akasaka seems to be sticking to his guns on it, even if we still do have like a whole chapter left for him to whip around and go "I WAS /JK ALL ALONG!!!!" but I don't see it happening.

Anyway, yeah! The funeral! Uh. Is it gonna sound weird if I say I felt kind of like… grossed out reading this the first time? Like, I really don't know how else to explain the visceral "why the fuck is the author making me read this" reaction I had to it. I think it's just because Kana is so fucking distraught here and the drama is just so hammy and so over the top that it feels kind of… ech. I dunno. I just really didn't vibe.

It doesn't help that this is part of a much broader pattern in the back half of OnK of Aka getting us right up close into the gory details of a character's complete mental breakdown and suffering and then spend zero time or focus on their recovery. This happened with Ruby all over the Movie Arc and this many times and with this little runway to the end of the series, it just starts to feel exploitative, like a way to cheaply pull at our heartstrings without doing the work to build everyone back up after tearing them down.

also pre-emptively dreading all the fuel this is going to add to the fires of People Who Are Weird And Misogynistic About Kana but she could die saving innocent children from a burning building and people would find reasons to be shitty about her lmao

we really are not seeing ruby's reaction to finding out her brother was dead huh lol

I will say the one thing I didn't Actively Dislike about this chapter was Ruby, though. I was honestly starting to get pretty skeeved out with how many people were gleefully predicting or actively wishing for her immediate suicide purely for ship motivated reasons and I was also worrying that the story was going to pretend that Ruby doesn't like. Have a life and support system outside of Aqua. Yes, she should absolutely be affected by his death but this period of her shutting down only to drag herself back onto her feet that we seem to be getting feels way more in line with pre-Movie Arc flanderization Ruby and I'll take that W where I can get it.

god. I haven't even talked about Kamiki's supposed serial killer cult. I just don't have the strength. Like… that's self-evidently stupid, right? I don't need to explain to you why that's ridiculous and unbelievable? You don't need me to tell you why it's fucking crazy that we're getting this information about the alleged overarching antagonist of the series not only in the second-to-last chapter of the entire series but after he was already dead, right? We can just move on? Ok good. jesus christ.

FINAL CHAPTER NEXT WEEK…

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2024 Anime Overview: Magilumiere Magical Girls Inc.

Premise: Monsters called Kai are threatening ordinary people, and only magical girls can stop them. However, being a magical girl is no longer the domain of teenagers, and has evolved into an actual career dominated by adult women. Companies employ magical girls and send them out to exterminate Kai. Kana is having a hard time getting her first job. But when she ends up helping out a magical girl, she’s invited to become one for a small, scrappy company. There’s a lot for Kana to learn…

This was my favorite magical girl show of the Fall 2024 season- and how amazing is it we had three new ones for once! There's a lot to love about Magilumiere! For one thing, it gave me something I always crave: Adult magical girls (or magical women, though they’re called magical girls in this show). Much like how classic mahou shoujo often explores the struggles adolescence and growing up, this show uses mahou shoujo as a way to explore what it’s like to be a young woman entering the working world. Kana struggles to grow her confidence and adjust to her new job, but with the encouragement of her boss and co-workers, she discovers her own talents.

All of the magical ladies are pretty fun, with my favorite being Hitomi Koshigaya, Kana’s senpai in the work place. She’s a brash and raucous woman who loves kicking ass with shit-eating grin, she only ever wears tracksuits when she’s not on the job, she talks like a delinquent, bursts with confidence, and she’s very protective and sweet towards Kana. Basically, she’s goals, everything I love about soft hearted delinquent girls only she’s actually a grown woman this time! Wow!

But we also get introductions to plenty of other cool magical ladies, all who approach their jobs in a different way where they can learn from each other.And the women are always treated respectfully, visually and by the narrative. No jarring objectification or anything like that.

The show has a bit more of a focus on men than you’d expect, since while the magical girls fight on the front lines, Magilumiere’s engineer/tech support team are men, and the boss and his mysterious backstory is a big part of the show. However, they’re all good characters! And the show does still put a big focus on women, exploring their relationships, their development, and all the cool magical girl fights they can get into. It is so nice to see some hype magical lady fights, and rather than the unfortunate animation poor Acro Trip got, this show does pretty well with its visuals and fight scenes. The story especially lot of fun with the transformation sequences, and I love to see it.

The show also has a lot to say about corporate world, and it feels like it’s only getting started on that. From the beginning, it makes sure to contrast the way Magilumiere operates from the more cutthroat business of larger companies. The company’s boss, Kouji Shigemoto, was previously a partner in a much larger business, but seems to have left because how they were doing things didn’t jive with his ideals, and now he’s in charge of start-up where he's very focused on the best possible experience for both his employees and customers. He’s contrasted to his previous partner, who’s gone on to grow a big company that only cares about efficiency and the bottom line. His old friend doesn’t care about property damage or the feelings of the people who need help, just getting it done quickly and going on to the next job. He fires his employees casually, and doesn’t seem to care about them.

Meanwhile, Shigemoto is a very encouraging presence in his company, who checks in with his employees, talks to them, supports  them, and really respects their input. Magilumiere makes a point of avoiding property damage and finding ways to help the customer, even if it’s a lot more trouble. He describes himself as wanting to “protect” peaceful moments where they can just hang out and have fun. It may come off as being a little too worshipful of start ups, but I don’t think it’s trying to say all startups are like this. Shigemoto started his with the specific goal of being kinder to his employees and being true to his ideals, and that’s not a thing that applies to all startups. 

It's not saying anything groundbreaking so far, like it’s definitely not deeply questioning the hellscape of capitalism right now, but the message is nice, and I’m interested in seeing where it goes. The fact magical girls are privatized despite providing a life saving service is interesting, and I wonder if the show’s going to touch on this too, since it’s been implied there’s a grim origin involved. And then there's lots of a little jokes about tech companies too. The fact the magical women suck monsters up into flash drives after defeating them is honestly so funny.

The story also gives some brief shout outs to struggles real women face in the workplace—it’s mentioned there’s people on not-Twitter who mock magical girls for being “old” and just seem to want to harass and criticize them. But this hadn't really been explored in depth so far, which I’d like to see from the show. It would also be nice to see exploration of gender on the tech side of things--- like in the real world, it’s really notably male dominated. We’ve gotten some focus on one woman CEO and one girl engineer, but the gender imbalance is very much there. 

 The show disappointed very slightly by briefly throwing out that men’s magic is “too aggressive” (whatever that means?) and that’s why it’s all magical girls, which is a too-common gender essentialist explanation for women dominating a fantasy action story (see: Claymore) that has weird implications. Why can’t a lot of girls just be really good at magic? Why can’t it just happen to be a female dominated career but there are some magical boys? (And the fact the the explanation has to be like, guys are just TOO strong, TOO cool, TOO manly is like. lmao okay.) But it is a throwaway line that doesn’t ever come up again (and it does at least frame it as a ‘mystery’ they might figure out someday).

That brings me to an issue that may be uncomfortable for some viewers- Shigemoto wears a magical girl outfit while he’s working, and when he’s introduced the angle and vibe is intimidating and Kana reacts in shock and possibly fear, possibly playing into transphobic stereotypes. The next episode, however, makes it clear she’s specifically be shocked that it’s a middle aged man wearing “cosplay” at work rather than ever saying it’s the dress, the other employees are chill about it, Kana gets used to it, and the narrative moves on pretty quickly.

However it comes up in a minor way a couple more times, with Kana saying she's surprised Koshigaya worked there after seeing the boss dressed like that (Koshigaya’s response being ‘hey you decided to too! People in this company are interesting, aren’t they?’). Another magical girl doesn’t seem put off by it at all, but immediately assumes it’s business related. It is implied there’s some sort of work related origin for his cosplay and it's possibly tragic, but he does definitely enjoys the clothing (and has a nice skincare routine) and the male characters are always 100% supportive, with one of them particular often discussing fashion with him, if there should be more ribbons etc.

So yeah, YMMV over whether it crosses over into transphobia (or edges into it) but I’ve definitely seen way worse. I feel the series is mostly supportive even if it’s like “hahaha it’s a little weird right!” it’s not outright mean to him about it (imo).

The pacing may be a little slow sometimes, really wanting to cover every moment of the manga, but it’s always a good time, and there’s plenty of hype moments. The concept is so interesting and has so much potential, and I feel like the show is running with it.

The show has been unfortunately been confined to Amazon Prime, where a lot of people probably missed it, but it seems to be doing well in Japan and a second seasons already been announced, to my delight!

Over all, if you’re a magical girl fan or are just interested in a good show that explores magi-tech, working adult issues, and has some cool ladies fighting and bonding, I really recommend this one.

[skania]

OnK Chapter 150

Honestly, the naive part of me wants to believe Aka is doing this in purpose, because this chapter alone highlighted like half the reasons why I find romantic!Aqua and Kana so poorly written lmao

Compare that to this:

The writing in Aqua's and Akane's is so much better it's unreal 😂

I'm so glad to have confirmation that Goro's regrets were appeased by knowing that Sarina is living her best life as Ruby. Goro acting like an over-protective dad and Aqua reaffirming that Ruby is his precious little sister were the highlights of the chapter for me. Figures that once Aka finally gives us some Aqua insight, he immediately makes it clear where Aqua stands in regards to Ruby lmao

Goro is often personified as the guilt and regrets Aqua carried into this new life, but he is much more than that.

He is an entire framework of thoughts, complexes and experiences right there at the center of the individual we have come to know as Aqua. He is the entire base Aqua is built on, because when he reincarnated, he was just Goro - albeit a Goro thrown into a completely different situation, and a completely different life.

Of course, the longer Goro lives as Aqua, the more Aqua he becomes. He has been developing a new framework of thoughts, complexes and experiences that are more befitting of his situation and based on his current life. This all results in the Aqua we've come to known.

Up to now, Aqua has been simultaneously existing as the man he once was and the young boy he has become. But the man he once was is now feeling at peace knowing that Sarina-chan has gotten a new chance at life, which leaves the young boy he has become with one less reason to cling to a painful past.

But things aren't that easy, as evidenced by the fact that even after being "freed" by his past guilt, Aqua still has his black stars. As Aqua, he has regrets, guilt and issues of his own to overcome.

But it isn't just the revenge and the guilt, really. This, for example, is a confusion that has followed Aqua into his new life:

Which takes me to...

It's so incredibly ironic that it's "Goro" of all people who brings up Kana 😭 I've mentioned before that Kana has a lot of parallels with Ai and Sarina, and I theorized this may be one of the reasons why Aqua seemed so drawn to her from the get-go. And now we have Goro himself, the one who originally admired all of those traits, saying that Aqua likes Kana. It's like clockwork, except the clock may be broken.

The reasons Goro cites are so shallow and superficial, too. Perfectly fitting for an Oshi or a teenage crush, but hard to think of as anything deeper than that (for me, at least).

Which is even more ironic, because we end the chapter with Kana declaring herself as "seriously in love" with Aqua, when she herself does nothing but describe him superficially 😭

Kana has been basically living a shoujo manga in her head and Aqua is her chosen Male Lead 😂 It's like that time she thought Aqua was "straight and sincere", or when she thought Akane was a "goody-two-shoes".

Meanwhile, Aqua and Akane:

Poor Kana is out of her depth in this manga, but maybe that's the point. Kana is perfectly normal and that's just what Aqua needs am I right?

Seriously though, that's why I've always said that to me it doesn't really matter if Aqua and Kana end up together, because their writing is just... not it 😭 It's always just one giant trope without any depth of substance. It's no coincidence that these last three chapters are filled with tropes and forced writing. That's the way this ship has always been written in my eyes, and that's why it does nothing for me regardless of whether it's intended to be canon or not 😭

Even this, for example:

Aqua confirming (yet again) that he has been aware of Kana's romantic feelings all along could back-up what I said here and here. But at the same time, this could just be part of something as simple and unsubtle as this:

It's like there are two wolves within Aka. One is great at subtlety and organic development, and the other completely sucks at it 😂

But enough about that, I'm sure Aka will give me plenty to complain about next chapter so I'll save it until then lmao

Hmmm where have I seen this before?

Oh, right!

Funny how Akane is magically not brought up this chapter. If we assume Aka is just writing obvious stuff without deeper meaning, then Akane isn't brought up because Aka considers Chapters 97 & 98 as their romantic closure. Or maybe all the theories about Aqua being a scumbag that only dated Akane because Kana wasn't available were right. But considering that would make Aqua trash not worth discussing, I can only hope Aka won't stoop that low lmao

If we give Aka the benefit of the doubt (does he even deserve it at this point tho), then Goro not bringing up Akane can be pretty fitting. Because if Aqua likes Akane, it wouldn't be because she fits the ideals and tastes of the man he once was. It would be because of everything they have been through together as Aqua and Akane.

Case in point, when Aqua thought of Kana and Akane back when he first thought he was free, he did so as fully himself. But I digress! 🤡

Another thing that caught my eye is that Aka deliberately changed the number of chapters in the previous volume just so these Aqua-Kana focused chapters can be in the same volume as the Aqua-Ruby focused ones. Ruby, who mainly loves Aqua because he once was Goro and Kana, who just loves Aqua. Maybe he's doing it to contrast them (in favor of Kana, duh), or maybe he wants to show they're two sides of the same infatuation coin. One can dream, at least!

Speaking about not nice though, what the fuck is this 😭 I know Akane is trying to push Kana's buttons, but baby girl is switching from I-only-see-him-as-a-son!! I swear!!! to Haha actually! so swiftly that she's going to give herself whiplash. Plus, can't Aka let Akane push Kana's buttons while saying less OOC stuff? Granted, it's not like Kana knows Akane well, so of course she doesn't think it's weird for Akane to say that she wants to be with a boy on Christmas lmao

Poor Akane has gotten her eyes shut so tightly close that it's a wonder she doesn't walk into walls. She's really acting like a robot on auto-pilot 😂 When in the world will you be allowed to have a chapter of your own, Akane? When will we be able to look into your heart?

[thecoolerliauditore]

anyway stuff i really liked about the WL finale and WL as a whole, because I genuinely don't think I'll ever talk about it again in a fandom-y way:

(spoilers, obvs)

whatever the fuck ren was doing. i. i still don't know what treebarks deal is, I feel like god intended me to be a martyn guy and something got fucked up along the way and now I'm really scared of him in an animalistic sense. i feel like in another life i would've had a lot to say like a lot alot to say oh my god.

whatever the fuck scott was doing. so many moments from this episode that gave me the "neuron activated!" reaction image response with him and pearl. majormoon kiss didn't happen but like that would've been somehow less intimate than whatever this is. the murder camel sequence especially (where they hunted down GEM?) gave me that same feeling as when I watch smth like utena and spot visual parallels. this is insane but i can't find the screenshots like that one scene from utena where she's standing in the doorway kanae did in an earlier scene to signify that she acts as her replacement it's like that.

speaking of scott i do think he underwent a bit of character development and that makes me happy. he's absolutely still like. insane but i appreciate him making an effort to be nice to Pearl. the bar is on the floor. i love that one of the first things he says is "oh my god I can't believe we stuck together even though EVERYONE (grits teeth) thought we were gonna betray eachother <3 <3" the copium is so

pearl. oh pearl. it really does feel like pearl out of the entire cast got her "plans" most sidetracked but she still got in some good hits near the end. her reaction to gems death oh my god. her calling murder camel in SL a "fond memory". it feels like her character really never achieves any closure at all and that's the one thing that i think is REALLY awesome genuinely. so many of the deaths had me squinting at my screen going "that's it????" but it feels fitting for her, especially in this season.

JOEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! joel not only got the win he deserved but he also got revenge on scott which is amazing and incredible. i wish it happened in a season i was more on board with but for what it is it is really awesome to see. his pop off pvp battle at the end is the highlight of the episode for me, big last life flashbacks.

team BET/tuff guys were the one team i enjoyed from start to end, there's something magical to me about the way they NEED to involve eachother in everything and make bits around eachother specifically like idk you can really tell these three enjoyed themselves and that's all i really want at the end of the day (and i feel like that really saved them from what a lot of the other teams fell into with not really interacting). the fact that they all died next to eachother placement-wise and tango finally got his revenge on bdubs COMPLETELY ON ACCIDENT is amazing. tango in general has been a massive stand out to me this season with his antics, I'm so not kidding when I say extended exposure to redstone does something to these guys. really amazing 10/10 team, welcome back BEST etc etc i can't wait to watch more of them on hermitcraft.

[beddybites]

This discussion physically hurts, all the TRAUMA Shinobu has??? Losing her mother at such a young age, gaining a new father figure (Gyomei) for a short time was kind of healing for her, having Kanae as her second mother figure certainly helped too but when she lost Kanae that's just double motherloss, I KNOW it hurt so badly for her to lose both her mother figures :( and now she has to turn and take care of all these young people when she needs help herself barely being an adult?? She is NOT a mother she NEEDS HER MOTHER!!! :((

I understand that Giyuu lost his mother figure as well but that does NOT mean he's searching for another???? I'm pretty sure Shinobu isn't actively seeking out a replacement for Kanae or her mom because shes trying to be Kanae herself which is NOT at ALL healthy???

Pretty sure Giyuu isn't looking for a mother figure, this point also stands for Mitsuri, so many people go around saying how it'd be so cute if he saw her as his older sister but in all honesty it kind of confuses me... Mitsuri is 2 years younger than him + finds him attractive + he's uncomfortable around her because of her uniform!?!?!?, it simply doesn't make sense for him to think "oh this younger lady who looks nothing like my sister and has a uniform that makes me Oso uncomfy reminds me of my sister!!" don't get me wrong I LOVE giyuumitsu friendship but she is NOT his older sister???

Idk man infantalizing a grown man and making him whine and cry to his two FEMALE younger peers doesn't sit right with me?? It's only ever them people make him cry to, the two female hashira.. Likeee??? It doesnt sit right to me at all, it gives the stereotype of "woman exist to make men feel better" anybody who believes that can eat shit and burn 😞😞

Sorry I got a little pissy there but my point stands it's so misogynistic and WEIRDDD Giyuu being a younger brother who was raised by a woman I'm pretty sure he'd have RESPECT for females, not treat them like napkins that wipe his tears 😕

NO FURTHER POINTS. YOU ATE THIS UP

i have no other comments you absolutely killed it, and im glad you brought up the whole mitsuri and giyuu thing of people often headcanoning that giyuu sees mitsuri as his big sister-- they may have similarities sure but to your point its really aggitating that people keep throwing giyuu into the two female younger characters and making them cheer him up or cater to him. canon giyuu would never

it absolutely does feel like a "women exist to make men feel better" stereotype and i feel like every fandom does this whether they realize it or not. the female characters are not there to make your male blorbo feel better

thank you so much for your addition!! you're so right. everyone point and cheer. shinobu kocho & mitsuri kanroji get behind me

[vendettasfanfictioning]

"ENGAGEMENT RING" WAS NOT SOME WAYWARD TRANSLATION BUT AN ACTUAL LINE IN THE JP MANGA?????? I always thought the reason some translations said, "engagement (ring)," where others used, "prenup," for Illumi and Hisoka's contract was because it was one translator's whim to cause chaos???? Like. It could be read as either of those, but was not necessarily the whole definition.

(x)

But no, I've input the kanji into every translator I could find and they all said roughly the same thing—prenuptial contract. Meanwhile, the furigana (AKA the reading aid consisting of smaller kana printed either above or next to kanji or other characters to indicate their pronunciation), spelled out engagement ring.

I know this might be old news to some but I was today years old when I found out it was so literal????? Togashi really spelled it out in a way ensures we can't misunderstand yet somehow the implications still fly over a few people's heads???????

Idk about y'all but if I was an assassin born and raised on the ideology that an assassin does not need friends and some powerful magician mf just dallies around, telling every person he fights that he's my friend—I'd have killed him by now. I wouldn't trust him with my family secrets. I wouldn't do him any favors.

Or if I was a power-hungry fighter always striving to grow stronger, who grew up in the literal slums and betrays people left and right, I wouldn't put my trust on this pretty assassin either. Even if it's all just manipulations in the end, I wouldn't have any reason to call him, and only him, a friend. I wouldn't give him many, if not all, of my earthly possessions if I were to pass away—even if he isn't the one to kill me.

That's the thing about the contract too, Illumi gets his, "engagement ring," regardless of who kills Hisoka. Illumi's insured, whatever the outcome of this fight may be, so long as Hisoka dies. The funny thing about prenups is it could also be treated as a will of sorts—should one person die, I think it's more commonplace for prenups to include that all valuable assets be given to the widow by default??

Hisoka really did not need to do that, in order to hire Illumi???? Does this mean Hisoka knows and accepts the inevitability of his death on the Black Whale??? Or did his touch with death after fighting Chrollo open his eyes to the fact that he still needed a beneficiary, someone to take his belongings when he dies???? Either way, it's telling that he chose Illumi, of all people, to uphold this extremely important contract...

Anyways. Whether you wanna acknowledge it or not, Hisoka and Illumi have grown to become a pair in the Hunter X Hunter universe, have become the most unlikely, if not terrifying, friends and while the, "engagement ring," or the, "prenup," may not be explicitly romantic, the connotations and the possibilities are still there.

In conclusion, these insane mfs are gay and married, good for them!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[starhrtz]

— 001. ACTING FANTASY

CHAPTER PREMISE — you didn’t expect to be dragged into a mess when you made friends with a certain red headed girl, a simple interview day somehow turned to a chaotic mess.

SERIES PREMISE — after a mysterious death, you find yourself being reborn as an actor's daughter. everything seems to be smooth-sailing in this life before you came across a strange star eyed boy during your junior year in high school. this strange yet fortune encounter leads to a spiral of love yet grief.

CONTAINS — 1.1k+ word count uhh nothinh else i think

A/N — oh em gee first chapter is finally released !!! AND YES I DID MAKE A LOT OF PJSK REFERENCES :')

series masterlist | next

"grades aren't everything-"

Your parents' voice was zoned out as your eyes stared at your report book, your smile faltered as you noticed your grades have been going down and down. What was the point in trying if your grades would always stay so low no matter how much you tried? You were always convinced that you are just like your brother, smart and the best at everything so why does this sheet of paper differ from what you heard throughout your life? Why were you third in your class, you have always been at the top so why are you dropping all of a sudden? You still remembered clearly, the two classmates snickering and smirking at you proudly showing off their grades. They…don't deserve it, your teeth were gritted as you walked home.

Why was it them who were at the top? None of their work was as good as yours, their grammar and sentence structure needed work… right? Oh, how you hated their grins, you could tell by their faces that they knew you hated losing especially coming in third place but they also knew that you suspected them of using their parent's money to bribe the school. What kind of school is this? Letting people bribe the school staff just so they could be at the top? What a bunch of spoiled-

"Hinomori, are you alright?"

A voice snapped you out of your train of thought, you took a deep breath before looking over to your new friend and potential classmate. (name) hinomori was the new identity you yield after the incident, that grin that they had on their face… It reminded you of your classmates. You haven't told anyone about your reincarnation, your family not your group mates after all they'll most likely call you crazy or just laugh it off thinking it was a joke. Reincarnation… was a silly thing if you had to be honest, perhaps the fate you suffered from really was a cruel one? You plastered on a reassuring smile and looked at the red-haired girl.

"Mhm just slightly nervous about the interview that's all, but you do know you could call me by my first name.. Kana."

"Y-yeah, I know I'm just not used to it that's all! I am a big fan of your work too…"

Kana exclaimed while whispering the last part which you slightly laughed at before Kana was called to the interview room. Yota high school was one of the few schools which had a performing arts program, though it was only eligible to people affiliated with a company it did make you feel grateful you and your friends were scouted not long ago by SEKAI productions due to their recent project wanting groups with different personalities to make a debut under their name yet the company was far from sketchy. All the staff and idols were always welcoming to new debuts, even going as far as a small party.

You looked out the window as you waited your turn, it disappointed you that none of the other members of A✩𝖱𝖠 came to this school so sadly you were alone in this school… You sighed before hearing your name being called out by one of the interviewers, Kana gave you a confident smile and a thumbs up wishing you good luck. You smiled and gave her a quick wink as you walked into the performing arts room, you shouldn't show any signs of fear or hesitation that was one of the things your parents taught you whenever they made you go for auditions.

"I'm (name) Hinomori, affiliated with SEKAI Productions."

. . . . . . . . . . . .

As you walked out of the interview room, you breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps you should ask Airi to make the choreography a little easier later, though you knew you most likely aced the interview judging by the interviewer's faces alone. You sighed as you walked the empty hallways,though you were rather happy about being born into such a successful life it still sort of upsets you when you had to attend high school again after all your senior year was where your grades started going downhill…

“WHAT THE HECK!!?!”

Kana’s shrieking could be heard from further down the hall way. Yet when you reached there you saw Kana along with two other people who you don’t reconsider, but judging by Kana’s face they might be her friends..?

“I’LL BULLY YOU, I REALLY WIL-“

“Kana, there you are!”

You exclaimed walking up to the trio, while the blonde boy seemed to be confused on who you are yet the girl who you assumed to be his sister seems to be starstrucked? Their eyes… were pretty. That was the first thing that came to your mind as you got a better view of how they look, you snapped out of your thoughts before looking back at Kana.

“I didn’t want to be the crying girl’s junior but if it means that Hinomori could be my senior, I’ll gladly endure her whining!”

“Hey I got ears, ya’know!”

You muffled a giggle as you watched the two argue, was the brother too used to this type of situation? It looked like the two weren’t going to stop arguing anytime soon, you sighed and looked at the blonde boy who seemed rather deep in thought.

“Wait, have you worked with Gotanda Taishi before? I think I saw you once in his films…”

You looked up with them and nervously smiled, even when your parents were actors somehow… it didn’t suit right you or perhaps it made you slightly cringed whenever you watched clips of yourself acting though it was most likely the latter if you had to be honest, yet even when you told your parents about your decision to quit acting they weren’t upset. Sure, in their eyes there was disappointment but it held approval as well perhaps because you made your own choice of career paths at a young age?

“I haven’t heard that name in a while… but yeah I did. Why’d you ask?”

He shrugged his shoulders, after all what was he meant to say? That the director, his boss, used one of your quotes that you had said on tv once to try and motivate him? Of course not, scaring you wasn’t his goal and he was pretty sure Ruby might kill him if he tries and scare you away from them.

“Well, see ya, I’m heading over to the director’s place.”

Somehow, you felt it was directed to you yet it caught Kana’s attention, immediately breaking away from her and Ruby’s petty fight though could it really be considered a fight? “Wait where do you think your going!” Kana shouted running after Aqua, taking your hand and following him. Oh god, what have you dragged yourself into now?

please do reblog or comment if you like this!! It rlly makes me motivated to see positive comments or reblogs w tags!!

➜ TAGLIST: @aranachan @cerisearan @miyakoa @yevene @atomi-mi @bajifairyy @itonashi @lxry-chxn @rymtea @kult-o

[lixenn]

OCtober 2024 day 22: community

@einsatzzz your TYL Kana design tickled my brainworms so hard, I drew this in record speed. CEO Kana in a suit could murder me and I'd thank them with a smile on my face 🫡

I did want to draw the coat over shoulder thing too but finding a ref for it was difficult so I kept it simple. But for real it's kinda insane how fast I drew this and it looks so fucking good... it's definitely one of my favourite pieces that I drew for OCtober.

Also how many different art styles will I dabble in? The answer is yes. After drawing my Squalo Meme thing with the inky brush I wanted to experiment more with it and damn I love that brush. I do admit that it can be tricky sometimes with the thickness but I'm obsessed with the end result.

Also the colouring... I used magic tool and airbrush and it turned out awesome! Maybe I finally found a way to do more simple drawings where I don't need to render so fucking much (I really want something less exhausting if I do dip into proper comic drawing). We will see if I will actually stick to this or not lmao.

[silverynight]

The roommate

<---Previous

Part XXVI

"What's your ideal date, Izuku?"

Perhaps it's just an innocent question, but Izuku is so tense because of the mission, he immediately has a bad feeling about the whole situation. Besides, even though he's usually friendly towards anyone, the way Toga is grabbing his arm is making him want to put some distance between them as soon as possible.

"Uhh... it used to be going to the park or maybe a fair and share a crepe with the person I like–"

"Are you hungry, Izuku? Do you want a crepe?" Toga asks, blushing even more.

"No, thanks... I actually have to go."

"Why?" Kana cuts in, the moment she notices that Toga looks disappointed. For the most part, she left them alone; she seemed happier walking right behind the two and not engaging in their conversation at all.

"My boyfriends are waiting for me," Izuku blurts out, not knowing if it's the right thing to do at the moment. He knows he should be trying to pretend things aren't going that great in his relationship, but right now there's nothing he wants more than to see them again.

The grip Toga has around his arm tightens and it becomes slightly painful.

"You're hurting me," he points out and Toga squeezes him even tighter against her before she lets him go.

Izuku doesn't like Toga at all. She makes him feel uncomfortable and nervous.

"They'll eventually hurt you," Toga narrows her eyes. "They don't deserve you."

Izuku starts wondering if Toga is one of those people who started sympathizing with the heroes' haters after Kana was released and shared the villain's ideals with the world or if she was always like that due to personal experiences.

"They love me and they try their best," Izuku argues; the need to defend them is stronger than anything else. "I can't ask for more. Besides, I make mistakes too. Nobody is perfect."

"Pro heroes certainly aren't," Toga huffs, getting more irritated with Izuku's response. "But people seem to think they are."

"Some of them do," he agrees. "But not all of them. It's truly a mistake to idealize people, not only pro heroes. They are human too and although they shouldn't get away with crimes just because of their position, we shouldn't judge them too hard when they make harmless mistakes."

Toga shakes her head, but doesn't argue with Izuku because she doesn't have anything to say to that.

"I don't trust pro heroes and you shouldn't either."

"I trust Kacchan and Shoto."

She hisses and Kana doesn't look happy either, but Izuku stays calm, mostly because there's a lot of people around. Although he shouldn't feel like this; they're just two girls with strong opinions.

"I must go. It was a pleasure to meet you," Izuku tells Toga, before waving at Kana.

It looks like Kana wants to say something else, but Toga stops her; Izuku has never been that relieved to leave a shopping center before.

As he walks away and into a street nearby, he finally has the time to read Hagakure's texts; she apparently didn't like Toga at all and decided to ask Yaoyorozu to find out more about her.

"Izuku."

He hears Shoto's voice and he definitely bumps into a broad chest and a hero suit that looks exactly like his, but as soon as Izuku looks up and stares into familiar mismatched eyes he is completely sure this is not his Shoto.

He knows Hagakure is still following him because it's part of the deal, but he wonders that now that she's seen his "boyfriend" she would go back to the agency immediately.

"Hi," he mumbles nervously before he takes his phone to text her quickly, but a pair of hands snatch it off his as they also take Izuku's groceries.

"Let me help you with that."

"You know what?" Izuku smiles, trying to look as calm as possible. "I forgot something, I need to go back to the mall."

"I know you're really smart, Izuku and I'm sure you know this is not your stupid boyfriend. But you'll have to come with me–"

"Hagakure!" He screams. "This is not Shoto!"

The villain makes such a disgusted expression that looks so foreign on Shoto's features that it makes Izuku to instinctively take a couple of steps back. He's ready to run.

"There's a pro hero here?" The fake Shoto hisses. "I should've known!"

Then he takes a knife out and Izuku has the sudden feeling (maybe because of his nightmares or the way Toga approached him earlier) that he has finally solved a complex puzzle.

"Toga?"

"I told you to call me Himiko!" She hisses again with Shoto's face before stabbing him.

Izuku screams in pain.

"What are you doing? You told me you weren't going to hurt him!" Is that Kana's voice? She doesn't sound happy anymore.

"I won't kill him. He just needs to learn a lesson!"

Izuku wishes she stopped using his boyfriend's face and voice because it hurts to see Shoto trying to harm him, even though Izuku knows it's not the real one.

Then, she removes the knife, which is even more painful; he knows it'll also make him bleed profusely. Then, something collides with Toga, and she begins to turn back into her original form.

A blond, naked, but wild young woman willing to do anything for what she wants.

Although Izuku is not sure what she wants at the moment, the only thing he knows is that he's bleeding, feels dizzy and his knees can't support him anymore.

He falls to the ground as he realizes Hagakure is the one fighting Toga.

There are a couple of people in that area now and some of them are calling an ambulance and others the police and asking to be transferred to a hero agency.

A couple of them are taking videos of what's going on. At least they have Toga's transformation on their phones now.

Everything's confusing.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know she was going to hurt you!" Kana is at his side now, although Izuku can't be that sure; his vision has become blurry out of the sudden.

He's going to pass out.

"She's confused, but she means well..."

There's a scream, but this time it comes from Toga.

"What did you do? You blinded me!"

Izuku nerd's heart would have loved to see how Hagakure managed to do that with her quirk; he has seen her on YouTube videos a couple of times... does she reflect light to the point–

His vision turns completely black for a second.

Maybe it's not the time for hero combat analysis.

"Die!"

The familiar, absolutely rude yell comforts Izuku immediately and even the explosion that follows it.

"Izuku, love, are you alright?"

For a second, he flinches at the sight of Shoto, but one look tells him this is his boyfriend, the real one.

"It's alright, Izuku. It's me, please..."

He feels safe now, despite the pain and the amount of blood that's coming from his open wound; Izuku had been trying to stop it with his hands, but he's too weak to put pressure on it.

His vision is turning black again.

"Izuku, don't close your eyes," Shoto pleads, desperate, worried; Izuku is almost sure he's about to cry. "Stay with me. The paramedics are here–Izuku!"

"IZUKU!"

His Katsuki is getting closer now, but he can't stay awake anymore.

At least he's with them again.

***

He wakes up a couple of times; the first one he's inside an ambulance and the paramedic is asking a few questions to Katsuki.

"Izuku?"

His eyes can't stay open for too long.

The next time he's on a bed, in a room that smells too clean and covered on light blue sheets.

"Are you alright, baby?"

Izuku beams as he looks up at Katsuki; he's being extremely soft and gentle with him because he's worried. He also looks tired and like he's about to break.

"Love?"

Shoto is there too, which makes Izuku feel better immediately; he's still dizzy, but there's no pain now, although Izuku suspects they gave him a couple of painkillers for that.

Suddenly, his boyfriends take his hands and lean closer to him.

"I'm glad you're here," he manages to say.

"Don't you dare scare us like that again!" Katsuki huffs, trying to hide his own concern, but he intertwines his fingers with Izuku's. His eyes are red; he must've been crying. Shoto doesn't look any better.

"I was scared." The man with mismatched eyes admits.

"It's okay," Izuku smiles, pulling them closer (one at a time) to give them both a kiss on the forehead. "I'm here."

***

Next--->

Patreon

[verilly]

As If / IGtFA / CitY ✶

Aquamarine Hoshino x Reader

This is PART FOUR, check out other parts in the link below!

REQUIEM: Sixth New Genesis!

What's to come: [Reader likes both genders], [reader joins B-Komachi]

[Songs of the Chapter: "Rain and Petra" by Balloon, "Love Trial" by 40mp, "Repaint" by RAISE A SUILEN]

[5,942 words]

"You got us a spot at the Star-Stage?!" Ruby squealed, hugging your shoulders in excitement as she jumped with joy, "I can't believe it! Ahh!! You really are the best! I love you I love you I love you!!!"

"Ruby, my body is so sore. What are you even talking about..?" You turn your head to look at her, her eyes were as bright as the large light that stood above the two of you.

"What she means is, I booked B-Komachi a performance venue for the largest idol convention that Japan holds. Well for small idol groups at least. B-Komachi only recently re-formed and we are nowhere near as popular as we used to be, so we are incredibly lucky to be able to perform at such a... prestigious location." Miyako says, continuing to type away at the computer in front of her, "Not to mention, the Star-Stage is quite the popular stage as well."

"Yeah! Isn't this just amazing, [name]?!!" Ruby shouts happily, "I can't believe it!! Ahh! This is so so cool! And I'm gonna be on stage with famous people— you!"

"I'm not all that- uhm. Thanks, Ruby." You smile, patting the arm that hugged you tight.

"I have to text Mem and Kana! We are totally going to kill this, and- Wait, why is [alias] in my house right now?"

"You invited me over..? Or maybe it was Aqua? I actually don't remember..."

"That's right! I asked you to come over cuz... uhh..! Oh! Right, I wanted us to make a video together for B-Komachi!" Ruby said, pulling out her phone. Her screen was covered in bullet points and small check marks next to a few of them, "Maybe we should be the one's to announce that we're gonna be at the Star-Stage? I think that'd be cool!"

"Shouldn't all the members be present for something as important as this?"

"True, but... Kana is busy right now, and Mem is streaming!!"

"I'm supposed to be streaming right now as well, do you have a good computer?— Doesn't Aqua have one? Maybe we should announce it live, here I have a program on my phone, so I could just upload the green screen of my model here and..." You pulled your phone out of your pocket and scrolled through all the apps you had cluttered around.

"Oh that is such a good idea!! Aqua!! Aqua!!!" Ruby shouted, running off to find her brother. She almost tripped when she ran up the stairs, you could barely hold in your laughter.

"You know, I'm really glad you decided to join B-Komachi." Miyako says, her eyes not leaving her screen for a second.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You're exactly what we needed, it's good marketing. Not to mention, Ruby seems to be a lot more happier when you're around. Plus, you have a great resemblance to the former face of B-Komachi. [name] [last-name], what is it that you truly seek from this job?" Miyako rested her head on the palm of her hand as she looked you in the eyes. You awkwardly bite your lip and break the eye contact as you play with the hem of your shirt.

"I just... wanted the experience, I really do like idols after all★. Is there really a question for why I wanted to join? My mom used to put on B-Komachi videos when I was younger, so it's really no wonder when I pounced on the chance to join, haha!★" You lied, your mom didn't do anything like that, she was always biased towards the k-pop side of things.

"Is that so? Well make sure you give her my thanks, [name]." Miyako smiled as she shut her eyes before continuing to type endlessly on her computer.

"I'm back!! Aqua said he would let you use his computer!~" Ruby sings as she quickly ran down the stairs to grab your hand, "C'mon! I just can't wait!!" Ruby's eyes gleamed brighter when her loud voice turned into a quiet whisper, "Y'know, he wouldn't do this for just anyone, not even for me! I think that he really likes you~"

A blush rises to your face as you look at the ground, how could Ruby just casually say that? It's all just so strange— this family is strange. You finished setting everything up on our phone before you entered Aqua's room. It was just the same as it was the first time you came to make that video to save Akane.

"Thank you so much for letting me use your computer, Aqua." You say, grabbing one of the USB's from his shelf, "It means a lot to me!☆"

Aqua nods as he lays in his bed, scrolling through his phone.

You sigh as you get to work, using your phone to upload the model onto the computer screen, taking away the green screen, downloading assets, creating a BG, adding Ruby to the screen, and starting the stream. You let the countdown go as people start rolling into the chat, you turn your head to look at Ruby and explain what was about to happen.

"Since this stream is kind of... unscheduled, I'll have to explain what's happening to them. So don't talk about this segment, cause I want you to be with me a secret until we reveal that B-Komachi's gonna have their first performance. Is that okay?" Ruby gives you a thumbs up as she watches your screen.

You pan to the next slide and take in a deep breath as you clench your fists.

"What's up guys?! Hi!~ ☆Hello, yeah sorry for such a... unexpected stream! I'm so thankful so many of you guys were able to come! Okay, this is going to be kind of short but I have some stuff to say." You went on about becoming a member of B-Komachi to your online fans, not that you've never said anything to them before, but to push back the time and to draw suspense, somehow, it draws more viewers in.

"Alright so now that that's out of the way, let me introduce to you our guest of the day!☆~" You look over to Ruby and signal her to speak into the mic you had set up as you pull a png of her onto the screen and place her next to your model, "My coworker and friend... Ruby!!"

"H-Hello everyone!! Thank you for having me here!" Ruby nervously says, her hand was on her chest as she kept looking back and forth between the overflowing chat and you. "Oh and especially thank the ones supporting B-Komachi's journey to fame!" Her smile brightened as she saw a multitude of comments sending pink heart emojis.

"Of course! But! We're here to say something very important from B-Komachi!" You state, DMing Mem to see if she would want to join in such quick notice, "And it'll be a secret until you guys show us how much you us!☆"

"Huh?- Oh yeah! You gotta let us know! Is it like this big?" She used her index finger and thumb to barely pinch the hair, "Or this big!!" Ruby ecstatically spread her arms. You gently remind her that they can't see what she's doing as you laugh. She grows silent with embarrassment before picking herself back up, "W-what I mean is... do you guys love us 90% or a thousand-million-bajillion-quadruple percent!!?!"

You smile as you watch Ruby interact with the chat, more specifically, she was fishing for compliments but you didn't comment on it. You pulled your phone out to see if Mem responded and she did! You pulled her into a call with you while she was on stream. Somehow, *Kana joined the three of you guys as well on her phone.

"Okay! Now that all of us are here, let's finally tell them!" You say, clattering on the keyboard with Ruby next to you.

"Let's do a countdown!!!" Mem shouted into her mic.

"Yeah, I think a countdown would be fitting." Kana added.

"Okay everyone! 3... 2... 1...!!" Ruby counted, with Mem joining her after 3.

"We're performing at the Star Stage in two weeks!!" Both you and Ruby said in unison, "And it'll be amazing. So you all better be there, or at least support us on our way there! It'll be awesome and the tickets for our show will be available in a few days I think?" You ask, looking over at Aqua if he had any idea, but his back was turned to you with him laying on his side facing the wall. You sigh, "Well I'll let you all know when they're posted. But also, make sure to follow B-Komachi on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok... what else do we have?"

"I think that's it, everything else is pretty irrelevant."

"Okay yeah! Stay tuned!☆~ That's all I had to announce, pretty cool, right? You could see me in person!!" You say, you cough before correcting yourself, "You can see all of us in person! We'll be dancing and singing and doing all this cool stuff, you better not miss it!"

-End of As_If

"Okay! So since we're going to perform anytime now, we should choose our *oshi colors!" Ruby states, placing down a box full of cheap glow sticks that haven't been cracked yet, "Or in other words, our light sticks!~ Don't be shy, girls! Choose?"

"Oh, I think that I want the color-"

"Okay, no one's picking? I guess I'll have the honor to choose first!" Ruby said proudly, putting a hand to her chest as a smirk crawled to her lips, "I'm going to pick... red!!" She exclaimed loudly, picking up the first one she could find from the endless box of light. Kana's eyes widened, as she clenched a small fist in her lap, "It matches my name, not to mention, Ai had the same colors as well! It was truly meant to be!!~"

"Hm, really? I always saw you as a pink girl, Ruby." Mem said, putting a finger to her chin, "Plus, I think that red would fit Kana a lot more, but if that happened... ehh, I don't know, pink and red are really close together in the color spectrum so I guess you two wouldn't be as unique-"

"Shh!! Stop it, all I hear is blah blah blah. Whatever, Ruby can have the color red, I really don't mind." Kana sighed, plastering a smile across her face, "I think that... it suits her a lot more than me, she's really bold. I think, as the leader, I should be white." Kana says, pulling a small glow stick from the box and let it fall gently to her lap, "It would bring us all together, no matter what color Memcho or [alias] choose."

"Really? That's so generous of you, Kana!!" Ruby squealed, running over on her knees to lunge at Kana in a hug, "Ahhh!! I love you, I love you, I love you!!!"

Mem looked at you and pulled out a light glow stick, "If my predictions are correct, this is yellow, and I think that yellow would suit my brand a lot. Don't you agree?" You nod your head in response as air escapes your nostrils, "So what color do you want, [alias]?"

"What should my color be... well, usually for streams I use [color], but since my real-life persona has these rainbow highlights, I don't know what to choose! Any suggestions?" You ask, pulling the box roughly towards you as you stare at your choices.

"I think pink would suit you, but like I said earlier, y'know. Just wouldn't work!"

"What about purple?— no, green!"

"I don't really know either, sorry..."

"Oh!☆ I just had an amazing idea!" You said, straightening your back. You stand up from your cushion and bolt towards Ruby's door as you yell something out to Aqua, "Hey Aqua!!" His head perks out from the door in front of you, "What's your favorite color?"

"Oh, I don't know. Aquamarine? Blue, I guess." He answers, confused.

"Okay then! ☆My oshi color for my time with B-Komachi will be blue!" You announce with a proud smirk on your face, the reactions from the people in the 'crowd' were vastly different, but from behind you, you could feel Aqua's face turn red. You couldn't see it, but you just had the intuition. "And I think it fits even more if you really think about it, 'cause Akane's hair is blue and it'll symbolize my love for her!!" You felt Aqua's presence from behind you after you said that, maybe it wasn't a really good idea to say that in front of him? You don't really know.

Kana's eyes darkened for a second before she shuffled through the box until she found a blue glow stick, tossing it your way with a light hearted smile appearing on her face, "Well, as the not-so-leader of B-Komachi, I welcome you with open arms. Officially!" She, along with Ruby and Mem, brought the four of you into a long lasting hug before breaking the silence, "You're going to color your mask to blue or something though, otherwise it won't make a lot of sense."

"But your whole white thing doesn't make sense!!"

"I'll just ask the director nicely if my outfit could have white as its secondary color instead of the regular pink-ish red. Your blue on the other hand would completely throw off our vibe! It's too much of a cold color, not a warm one like the other girls."

"I... guess that makes sense." You laugh as the sweet embrace quickly ended.

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

Kana sat on her bed, reviewing what just happened with you and Aqua. You may not have seen what sort of reaction Aqua had, but she did, and he was blushing. She didn't know how to label these feelings other than... perhaps, jealousy—

But it's not that she actually had feelings for that boy. No way, never in a lifetime would the Kana Arima fall for someone like him. All he does is act like he doesn't care, but he does really care deep down, doesn't he?

Kana's face turns red as she curls up into a ball and pushes her head into her hands. Do you think he's cared about me that much? As much as [name]? Or- even as much as Akane?

What do I have to do to make him care?

Kana doesn't understand anything, nothing at all: why does he like you so much? What could she do to make him like her just as much? What can she do?

She groans into her hands as she comes back up for air, what do you have that she doesn't? She doesn't know, but she knows all too well at the same time. The two of you were vastly different. She was moderately normal, sticking to the basics, but you... were just so much more different. You're all over the place, but not to the point of Memcho. You could turn on and off, you were like two different people at the same time. Maybe if Kana had the talent for that, Aqua would like her a little bit more?

The more she thinks about it, the more her jealousy rises. Especially on how much more popular you were. She was a successful child actress for crying out loud! Now all she is is a good for nothing "has-been". A nobody. She fights back the urge to cry herself to sleep again as her head falls onto her pillow.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Tomorrow was not a better day.

Kana sat as she watched you talk to Aqua, she could barely comprehend what the two of you were talking about, but all she knew was that it made him happy and not her. Your existence infuriated her, but you haven't done anything wrong. She was mad at herself about that too.

The way his eyes shimmered whenever he was in your presence, the same way Ruby's shined, was the worst out of it all. He's never like that with anyone else, never! Not even with his own sister— not even with Akane, so what's so different about you? How could Kana achieve something at your level?

Today wouldn't get any worse than it already is, Kana didn't need to focus on him like that. What she should really be focusing on is B-Komachi's first performance. Today's the last day after all. Right. Kana's fist plops onto her left hand as she prepares the group to get ready to work.

"Alright everyone! Enough sitting around, it's time to work! We want our fans to be extra happy so that we can get even more of 'em!" Kana says, looking towards the group with a pride like no other, "And when we have more fans, we'll make more money...! Not that some of you guys really need to worry about that..." that was a comment directed towards you, she meant what she said, and she said it in a passive aggressive way, but you didn't pay much attention.

"I can't believe that you're finally warming up to the idea of you being the leader, Kana! I'm so excited to be on the stage! Ahh!! I can't hold it in!!" Ruby shouts, doing a little spin as she gets up to hug Kana.

"Not you though Ruby, if you overwork yourself I will personally kill you again." Kana sighs, "In addition: You also really need to know your limits. We don't want to rush over to the sidelines to grab your inhaler on stage, do we?" Memcho and you agree as Ruby pouts.

The workout was nothing to scoff at, but Kana could tell you weren't keeping up with her and the other girls, deep down, she was happy you weren't as good as her, when it came to dancing at least. In most other things, you were a lot better, you had been an idol longer than her, technically, you had experience that neither Kana or Ruby had, the experience of being a virtual idol. Not that Kana was jealous of that though. Kana could leave you to your lackluster performance for your first ever show, or she could bring you up and show her power as the leader.

Kana chose the ladder.

Kana was meant to be a good leader, she had to be.

That's the least she could do, and if she was, maybe Aqua would make her the sun of his life.

"No [alias], you have to be faster!" Kana said, correcting your foot movement, "See, look at this part of the video, her feet aren't matching yours." Kana points at the screen as she kept her gaze at you. You were very tired, you felt like you hadn't blinked in the last 2 hours. "Hello? Are you even listening to me?"

"I- I am!" You reply, blinking to make your eyes feel less dry, "I'm just so... tired, I don't..."

"Don't say that! Today's the last day left, you can't back out now!"

"I'm not backing out! I just need a little rest, I mean– you haven't given me a water break in like forever!" You whine, pulling the mask off your face, "And it's totally not fair that–"

"I'm sorry if it's not fair, but they're better than you." Kana says bluntly, her eyes showed no remorse, you felt... bad. "You can get as many water breaks as you want when you get to their level." She did feel bad for saying it, but she couldn't tell you, to her, that was the truth.

"Oh..." You frowned, but immediately put up a different front, "☆But if I'm not hydrated I won't be able to do my best! And I really do want to do my best, I'm trying really hard!"

"Erm- well..."

"C'mon Kana! Give them a break!! And you need a break too! Just 5 minutes!" Mem shouted from the sideline, patting the empty space next to her, "It won't be long, it'll be fine!"

"It'll!!- Ugh, fine. C'mon, [alias]." Kana groaned.

"Thank you, Mem!☆" You smile, as you sit down next to her you took a deep breath in from your mouth. You fiddle with your plastic disposable water bottle, crunching it, spinning the cap around as you frown beneath your mask. Kana's words hurt a little, they might have been true but they still hurt.

It wasn't like she meant to be plain out mean, Kana was only being strict to be a good leader... and if you got hurt in the process, then maybe it would be a good thing, she could finally get rid of all the anger she'd been piling up. Still, she didn't want to hurt you too much, you were a large part of B-Komachi's newly found popularity... She wanted to apologize, but maybe not now. For now, she'll gloat in her 'victory'. Not that it's a very big one.

The other day, Aqua and Kana had a really good conversation. She can't tell if he's purposefully leading her on or if he doesn't even know what he's doing, and that makes her livid. He doesn't know what he's doing to her, he doesn't know what kind of feelings are unraveling by each passing second, and she hates him for that.

Kana Arima hates Aquamarine Hoshino, but most of all... Kana Arima hates you the most for getting in the way of her feelings, but she would never say it out loud.

She's held prisoner in her own mind, all thanks to both you and Aqua.

Kana's forehead touched the tip of her knees as she started beating herself up for thinking of her *genmate as you were sitting next to her, doing almost the same thing.

Kana Arima loves Aquamarine Hoshino, but he's in love with another.

-End of I'm_Going_to_Fade_Away

"But I'm not sure if I can go on stage, it scares the living crap out of me." You complain to Ruby, "Well at least, not an idol stage. It's so... thrilling..."

"No, don't worry, [name]! You're going to do so perfectly and you already have a million fans so you don't need to worry as much! Everyone will be so excited to see you on stage! It'll be amazing!" Ruby shouts back, quickly putting her hands over her mouth in anticipation to see if Memcho would wake up, "And if anyone needs to worry it should be me because no one knows me!! Mem has her fans, you have yours, and Kana.. has her fans too!!!" she hurriedly said in a hushed whisper.

"I heard that." Kana said, shooting up in a sitting position, staring into the back of Ruby's head.

"Sorry!!!" Ruby blushes, putting her pointer fingers together as she watches Kana lay back down, after a good 30 seconds Ruby turns back around to you and gets closer... "I totally thought that she was sleeping!"

"I'm still awake, Ruby."

"Gosh darn it, I didn't know your hearing was so good!" Ruby murmurs out to Kana, "Sorry!! Again! For realsies this time!"

"Yeah.. okay." Kana sighs, leaning on her side, facing the door.

"Ruby, maybe you shouldn't talk bad about people when they're sitting right next to you." You jokingly comment.

"Well! I wasn't talking badly, I was just saying that Kana has more fans than me!"

"No, you hesitated."

"Well that's cuz I was thinking if my comment was true or not!"

You sigh as Ruby continues to talk on and on about how excited she was. She started to make hand gestures as she kept on going, you smiled softly thinking about what was to happen tomorrow. The image of the strong stage lights glaring into your retinas made you worry.

Before you could tell Ruby about your worries, you found her asleep, curled up with her pink pillow. Your nice, fake smile faded into a real one as you looked at Ruby's resting body. Quickly, you pull her blanket to cover her whole body. Ruby shifted as she felt the weight on top of her change, but luckily for you, her eyes remained shut the entire time.

Your lips parted to say something, but nothing came out. Lifting yourself up from the floor, you quietly tiptoed around Kana and Ruby to make your way out the bedroom. As you closed the door behind you, you let out a deep sigh, using your body to make a curled up ball of limbs.

You haven't been on a stage in over... What is it? *50 years? And the last time you were on one, you died. Maybe you should talk to someone about your concerns, but who would understand? You pull yourself up from the floor yet again and slowly walk down the stairs towards the light coming from the kitchen as your hand traces the fragments on the wall next to you. Who would be awake right now?

"[name]." Said the blonde male, "You're awake?"

"Oh so it's you." You sigh, "I can't believe you were wearing that Pieyon mask again, Aqua." You start to laugh as you take the seat next to him, "Isn't it hard for you? Don't you have like asthma or something?"

"Why would you think that?"

"'Cuz Ruby has it, I thought it was genetic."

"I guess she just got the short end of the stick." He sighed, handing you a glass of water.

"Mm.. nah, I'll pass. I'll just go get my own. You probably already drank from it!" You frowned, standing back up to walk towards the water cooler, "Oh, uhm... Thanks for the offer though." You said kindly, smiling at him.

"No problem."

"There was something I wanted to talk to you about. Is that okay?" You quietly murmured from a distance, you barely let any sound escape from your lips.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know why..." You sighed, pulling out another crisp water bottle, "It's just that. I guess I consider you my closest friend here. And I don't want to let the other girls down." You bite your lip as you think more about the stage, "I'm just scared."

"Of?" Aqua asks, walking to your side. You ball your hands into fists as you look down at the counter in front of you, nails digging into your skin. "[name], are you okay?"

"I don't like stages. I guess." Not looking away from your bottle, "It's scary. Not in a stage fright way though, I can deal with that. But the bright lights that shine into your eyes and face... the creaky wooden flooring... how tall the stage is going to be from the ground... it's all that." You felt your heart beating a little faster, "And I'm scared for the others too. I don't want them to experience a *black sea or... anything worse." You turn your head to look up at Aqua, his face didn't flinch or change. He was still the same, stoic.

"I understand, but nothing is going to happen. It's safe up there" Aqua reassured you, "Plus there's security,and I'll be there to make sure there isn't a black sea." Your frownshifts into a slight smile after his words hit you, leaning your head against him you took another sip of water.

"I can't believe the same guy that made me run 2 miles with a cute squeaky voice is now telling me everything is going to be alright." You giggle, shutting your eyes as your small smile turns into a bigger one. You stay on him for a few more seconds before collecting yourself. "Ahem, uhm... thank you, Aqua. Besides that whole staring phase you went through, you really are quite kind."

"You're welcome." He smiled back for a second before reverting back to his usual self. Your faces were only a few centimeters apart, you could feel it coming up. His hand brushed against your ear, his lips getting closer to yours. Your eyes almost shut before you could feel it again. What is this feeling? Deep down in your core..?

Remorse.

"I'm sorry, I have to go. Like, right now." You stutter out, pulling away from him. There is another deep dark feeling inside of you, but this time it was rising to your throat. You scamper to the bathroom and lock the door behind you.

You threw up.

"Bleerghh.." You cry, the burning sensation was a lot on your throat, and you don't remember the last time this happened. You want to wash your mouth out with soap even though you didn't actually do anything. You spit until the taste of vomit left your mouth. You want to beat yourself up for trying anything with Aqua. You felt bad, horrible. Pulling out your phone, you start texting up a storm to Akane. You felt like you betrayed her, how could you? To your most favorite person in the world?

You're an asshole.

It was late at night, she was probably asleep but you couldn't keep your eyes off your phone, waiting, craving for a text back. How could you sleep knowing what just happened?

"[name]." Said a familiar voice from outside the bathroom.

"Kana..? What are you.."

"I saw everything." Kana spoke softly, "And I think I know what happened."

"I'm sorry"

"There's no need to be, for me at least. Apologizing to Akane would be best, and–"

"And I'm sorry for ruining our big night"

"You didn't ruin anything"

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't. Tomorrow is our debut, we still have time- you still have time to bring yourself together. Nothing is ruined, and everything is fine."

"I'm still so sorry, you shouldn't have seen that."

"No.. I guess I should say that I'm sorry for being so hard on you."

"That doesn't correlate to what happened though."

"Are you sure? Didn't I put you through a lot of stress? I feel like that could have been a big reason as to why you felt you needed to talk to someone... which led to what just happened."

"..." You unlock the door, stumbling out to face Kana.

"Everyone else is asleep, we should too. C'mon." Kana says softly, grabbing your hand, pulling you into a warm hug once more. "And I'm sure Akane will understand." Kana pulls away from the hug first as she continues to hold your hand as the two of you walk back up to Ruby's bedroom. Inside, she sits you down as she wipes your tears. "Stay here and watch your phone... I guess. Wait for Akane's response, but you should really go to sleep. We still have a big day ahead of us." She stood back up and smiled at you before quickly leaving the bedroom as you once did.

Kana steps down the stairs to face Aqua, who was consequently groveling on the kitchen table, head in his hands. She released herself from making her soft expression while talking to you to one that's more stern and dark.

"What were you thinking, Aqua?" Her lips pressed together, making a thin line.

"I... I don't-"

"[name] has a girlfriend! And we all know you like them, but c'mon!" Kana scolds, putting her hand on Aqua's shoulder.

"It was in the moment. I didn't... I wasn't thinking straight."

"That's not a good enough excuse! Come one, Aqua! What if [name] quits B-Komachi forever because they feel too awkward?! We'd all be in shambles! They're the biggest reason why we have so many fans!"

"..."

"Just because you're obsessed with them doesn't mean you get to drag me and the other girls down."

"I don't know how you're doing this, but you're making this all about yourself."

"I- Okay, maybe. But that doesn't make the thing you just attempted any better! You need to make this right. For the group and for yourself." Kana mumbled the last part of the sentence. "You should apologize to [name], and maybe Akane too."

"Okay okay-"

"And! I'll help you throughout the entire thing because I'm such a generous being." Kana smiled, putting a hand to her lip. "So maybe back off for a little while? Play it safe I guess. And... sorry I guess for overstepping, but it was something that needed to be done! So goodnight." Kana said, quickly leaving the scene and going back to bed.

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

In the morning, you shot up awake, immediately pulling your phone to your face. Akane still hadn't responded to your wall of text, in fact, she still hasn't read it. Seeing your message still on delivered left you waiting on the edge of your seat. You didn't want to move until you saw her reply, but Memcho had other plans.

"[name]!!~ What's got you so down?" she asks, propping her head on the palm of her right hand, "I heard some shuffling during the middle of the night! Did something happen?"

"Oh.. w-what?" You stutter back, not acting like your usual self, "I just uhm... I don't know..." You cough before making your personality do a complete 180, "☆I guess that my back didn't agree with me sleeping on the floor. I'm having some serious back pain right now!" You pout out, swiftly putting your phone into your pocket.

"Really? Ah well that's too bad. I'm totally sorry for taking the only bed, but I'm the oldest! So I get to have it!" She smirks, pulling herself up into a sitting position before stepping off Ruby's bed. "Let's go down and get some breakfast, I can't wait to see what Ruby and Aqua have in their fridge... maybe there's gonna be some gourmet chocolate hanging around somewhere!"

"☆Not if I get it first!" You smile, chasing after her.

Just as you step back into the kitchen, you made eye contact with Aqua. The glittering stars in your eyes inverted into a darker color as your arm promptly makes its way to your side, hugging yourself. Your head lowers itself as you quietly follow Memcho towards the fridge.

"Ah... let's see what they have here..." Mem opens the fridge with a large smile creeping up to her lips, "Oh wow."

"It's completely empty!☆" You say, a little surprised.

"Aquatan, what do you eat??" Memcho asks, confused.

"Oh. Well usually Miyako cooks for me and Ruby but nowadays she's pretty busy so we've been getting takeout." Aqua says nonchalantly, how could he say something like that so calmly in the same room, with the same person he almost kissed? You looked at the floor when he spoke.

"Well that's a shame, I definitely thought that there was going to be something super yummy!" Memcho whined, pulling a chair out directly across Aqua, "Oh yeah, where's Kana and Ruby on this important day? We have our first performance today and we're gonna depart in an hour or so, right? I didn't see them when me and [name] woke up though."

"They went out to buy a few groceries a few minutes before you came down." Aqua simply stated, tapping away at his phone.

"Ooh! That means they shouldn't be far! I could definitely catch up with them! Okay, let's do this! [name], wanna come with me?" Mem says happily, pushing the chair she just pulled out back in.

"Oh, ☆I'd love that!" You said happily.

"Okay! Let's go! Oohh it's going to be so much fun making our own meals with everyone!" Mem giggles as we skip towards the entrance, slipping our shoes on.

As soon as you open the door, you came face to face with a familiar girl.

"Akane?"

-End of Conveyed_it_to_You

Check out the other parts here! {CLICK ME}

[chiharuhashibira]

Next chappy's up!

And yes, I won't make you cry 😫 I'll try thoooo~

Let's start this now! First part will be written in Sanemi's POV. Then after the --, I will go back to Y/N.

I present you the Part of of 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮 ☺️!

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝑩𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒀𝒐𝒖

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙸𝚅

𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢 𝐗 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐀𝐔)

<𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫>

Content Warnings: Curse words, Slightly Suggestive, Angst/Drama

(Image is not mine)

"Nii-chan, are you alright?"

"Huh? I'm good. What's up with you, though?"

Sanemi hasn't been focusing well lately, even in his classes. He's less harsh than he usually is, and even his closest friend, Obanai, notices this. But of course, knowing the chemistry teacher, he won't really pry that much.

Genya shifted in his seat, looking at his big brother with worried eyes. Usually, Sanemi would say things like...

"Why do you fucking care?!"

or

"Mind your own damn business, you goddamn brat!"

It's not like Genya likes being yelled at by his own brother, but Sanemi's been acting weird.

"I'm good Nii-chan. I hope you are too. Just remember that you're the sweetest brother in the world. And the greatest teacher too."

Sanemi blushed at what his little brother told him. He scoffed and rolled his eyes, gripping harder on the steering wheel. But honestly, inside, his heart was suddenly filled with warmth.

--

You were a wreck. The day after that incident with Sanemi, you couldn't find the guts to face him at school. You can't even talk to Kanae well after the jealousy that you just felt from her presence. The science teacher doesn't deserve it, as she was really nice towards you, but you just can't help it.

You're a history teacher, but damn, you don't know how to write your story well enough that it'll be good history in the future.

Sanemi had avoided you as well, and that made you feel worse. Whenever you're in the faculty room, he will walk out, even if he's in the middle of a conversation. Of course, you know that what he tells his other colleagues is just full of excuses.

You silently watched him, noticing how he became less aggressive with his students. But of course, sometimes you'll see him talking to Kanae, and you'll end up sulking once again on a corner with Tomioka, who has no idea why you're there with him at all.

(this is the usual view you'll see)

But as if the fates were testing your patience, today you found yourself alone with him inside the faculty room.

The teachers decided to go out tonight, but of course, because you were sulking badly, you declined. Even if Tomioka wanted to decline too, Shinobu forced him to do so. So now you're alone at your desk, finishing checking the test papers on the table.

You heard the door slide but didn't look up, as perhaps it was just one of your students.

"If you're looking for other teachers, they're not around. Just come back tomorrow."

"Need a hand?"

You looked up, and standing behind you was Sanemi. With his sleeves rolled up and his arms crossed, you can't help but feel hot on the face. But yes, you longed to hear his voice. You fucking missed the scent of his minty perfume.

You missed Sanemi so much, and him talking to you right now fucking hurts so much.

But of course, you're at school, and this is work. You need to separate your personal life from your career, which you also messed up on doing the last few days.

You gave Sanemi a soft smile, trying your best not to pull him down and just hug him. "Oh, sure, Shinazugawa-san. My students are giving me a hard time!" Your voice sounded as professional as you had imagined, and it had made Sanemi scoff.

He pulled Giyu's chair over and sat next to you, snatching some of the test papers from your table. "Where's the answer sheet?" He asked, and you handed it to him.

Sanemi's fingers brushed against yours, and that immediately almost made you pass out. You were paralysed by the sensation that the little motion sent through your body. You watched as the man checked the papers silently, wishing he'd bring up something from that time, but nothing came.

"For a delinquent kid, Hashibira-kun did well." He muttered under his breath, praising your student which made you smile. "Yep, he's good at history. And Kamado-kun's a great tutor." You replied, smiling as you easily checked Tanjiro's papers. The kid had aced the test once again.

"Eh, I hope he does well in math, though. That kid gets fucked up with numbers!"

"Oi, mind your language." You said, chuckling, which also definitely made Sanemi smile.

You remembered the night when he confessed to you, as he said almost the same words when you cursed at him.

"Why are you still here, though? I thought the teachers would eat dinner together or something. Where's your best friend? Tomioka?" Sanemi asked as he continuously checked your students' papers. You gulped and paused for a bit.

"Oh, Kocho-sama took Tomioka-san. And as for me, I'm busy. I can't go." You lied through your teeth, wishing Sanemi would never notice. "How about you? I thought you went with them?" Kanae's there... You wanted to add but stopped yourself from doing so.

"Oh well, I'm not in the mood for those gatherings. Okay, I'm done here. Do you have more tests to check?"

"Oh, none. I think I can go home. Finally!"

You said, stretching out on your chair. You didn't notice, but a button on your blouse popped out, hitting Sanemi on the cheek. You gasped, immediately caressing his cheek to check if you had accidentally wounded him again. But thank goodness, there are none.

Sanemi undoubtedly blushed slightly as you caressed his face and let your fingers run up his scars. When you realised it, you pulled your hand away, apologising for what you just did.

You were expecting that Sanemi would pull your hand or anything, but that didn't happen. Disappointment filled you, but this is the reality. You turned him down, and that's the end of it.

A warm fabric suddenly blanketed you, making you look up. There, you saw that Sanemi took off his outer vest and placed it over your shoulders. "I don't wear any jackets, but perhaps this vest could cover you up." He said it sweetly, and that definitely tugged at your heartstrings.

"Thank you, Shinazugawa-san."

"You're welcome."

Silence. A deafening silence came right after you wore his vest, covering up your bra that was exposed earlier. His minty scent embraced you like a lover longing for his significant other, and there, you wished it was him instead of just his vest.

The math teacher didn't try to start up a conversation; instead, he played with Tomioka's pen that was left at his table.

You suddenly wondered why he was mad at your friend in the first place. So you asked.

"Why do you hate Tomioka-san so much?"

Your question caught Sanemi off guard, and he was undoubtedly staring at you with wide eyes as a result.

"Uh, sorry to pry—"

"I don't hate the man. But I consider him my rival. He's smart; I'll give him that. But I fucking hate his I am different from you vibes and shit. And the Kochos seemed to still like him despite that. You know that Kanae's my ex. I even became jealous of him before."

Kanae again... You looked away and sighed. "I see."

"But now it's different. It's more like he doesn't vibe with me as much as Obanai does. And he looks like a fucktard."

"Hey! Tomioka's handsome!"

You said it in defence of your best friend, which made Sanemi laugh. He shook his head and continued. "But yeah, that's it. I don't really care if he lives with the Kochos or anything. I have more priorities than thinking about them."

His words moved you. So, does this also mean that he isn't thinking about Kanae anymore? You wanted to ask once again, but you have no right to do so.

"And you're one of those priorities, Y/N."

Your world stopped as Sanemi's voice echoed in your senses. You shot him a shocked look, but he was already looking at you with sadness in his eyes. This sight was too different from his normal attitude, and it makes you feel bad. You want to comfort him.

"I can't forget about you, Y/N. I fucking tried."

"Sanemi stop."

You tried stopping him, but the man held your hand once again and gripped it tightly this time, assuring you that you wouldn't leave him again.

"Please let me start over, Y/N. Please let me prove myself to you. Please give me this last chance. And I swear that if this doesn't work this time, I'll stop for good. I'll fucking leave you alone even if that shit hurts."

This time, tears finally rolled down your cheeks as, for the second time, you saw the usual strong and cold Sanemi beg for you to give him another chance.

You hate how he looks right now. You hate seeing him sad. And with that, you let your impulse take over your body as you gave him a warm embrace and whispered in his ear.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"One last chance, Sanemi. Let's try this again."

𝑻𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆𝒅…

𝑰 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆

But why the heck am I sobbing XD

Okay... fuck, I love angst :'( And still I hope this made you happy ^^

I hope Sanemi's not too OOC but this is how I imagined him to be if he ever falls in love again and get hurt. Like he would have this part revealed. And yes, the first part's my fave as I was sobbing over Genya because of some spoilers that I have seen today.

You are my babies and I want you happy so I swear, next chappy will be happier. Sanemi and Y/N is making up here so, perhaps on the next chappy they'll be okay? Or is it? MWHAHAHAHA

But anyways, thank you for reading this fic. I love you and always remember that!

@sofilsworld just tagging you here as you were also in the last chappy ^^ Thank you!!

~𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓾-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷🌸

<𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫>

[aihoshiino]

Your answer to this ask really interested me. Can you elaborate on what you understand Kana's long-term arc to be, and how Ai might have had a similar arc if she'd lived?

So with the caveat that I'm both talking about just my interpretation of the text and also kind of like... In An Ideal World where the industry commentary didn't basically die off past a certain point, I think Kana's arc is about her seeking professional validation in the entertainment industry in order to fill in for her lack of personal and social validation.

We know that for Kana, those two things ended up intertwined in her brain from a very young age because of her shitty mom and the equally shitty adults around her - Kana was taught in no uncertain terms that the only way she would receive validation - and, to an extent, be treated with basic kindness and respect - if she performed well as a child actress and continued to get work. This is why she clings to the entertainment industry even long past the long past the point at which it was obviously no longer working out for her and why she's so joyful and relieved when it seems to her like Kaburagi has recognised her efforts and rewarded them.

That's not too downplay how much Kana genuinely loves acting or how sincerely passionate she feels about it as her craft but this environment she's in nevertheless forces her to compromise her art in a way that prioritizes being "easy to work with" and convenient to other people - because she's been taught that the only way she gets positive attention and reinforcement from people is by doing just that.

You can see the shape of this arc best in Tokyo Blade, I think, and especially in the way Akane fails to reach her while Aqua manages it - Akane simply doesn't understand Kana on a personal level in the way she so clearly thinks she does because she values Kana as a performer more than a person. But Aqua actually has the understanding of and mutual care and investment in Kana just as a person to actually connect with her and give her what she needs to shine.

(Sidebar but the failure to have Akane properly break down her idealisation and biases of Kana in any meaningful way is also kind of an issue in the KanaKane relationship but that's a whole other post lol)

So in that hypothetical ideal world where Kana's arc was wrapped up properly, I think it would end on the note of carrying that idea to a fully realized conclusion, of Kana finding (or really, coming to understand that she has already found) people who love and value her as Kana Arima the girl regardless of who she is or isn't as an actress or celebrity. This would teach Kana that she doesn't need to feed herself though the entertainment industry meat grinder to be valued as a person and that the people who actually matter will love and support her no matter what.

I probably don't need to point out the similarities with Ai here - using the entertainment industry as a proxy to find love and personal fulfilment - and the hypothetical conclusion to Kana's arc here feels to me like the logical conclusion for Ai's in a world where she never gets Ryosuke'd. It kind of is already the conclusion, in broad strokes - Ai achieves fulfilment and love by committing herself to a relationship that she cannot withdraw from or hold at arm's length. In other words, she finds happiness not as an idol but as a mother - a person.

[einsatzzz]

Can we have Hibakana crumbs? They are my otp and best oc couple🥺

Hi Anon!!! Thank you for being aboard this ship with me 🥹💜✨ And of course! I treated this as a part 2 for Jojo's TsunaRumi ask, so I filled up the same ship chart for them🫡🫡💜✨

I'll give you a song that fits them too! This time, it's more on Hibari's POV - Sol/ar Sy/stem Disco.

Ship Chart Notes

Hibari's age was never really revealed in any official source, but a good hint to it was when Tsuna&co moved up a year, they thought he already graduated. So he's a third year while they were first years. He should at least be a year older than Ryohei, so I estimate around 16-17 would be a reasonable guess. Also forgot to put their TYL ages, just imagine their +10 ages there lol

I'm gonna be honest, I had a bit of a hard time on this one since I know the chart is leaning more towards a more definite romance. But, they're freaks, your honor! (affectionate) 😭

How It Happens? - Does it even happen? What exactly will happen? In terms of fighting, it's at first sight for Hibari. Or rather, it's ON sight, his tonfa is always ready. In terms of the more complicated feelings, they both take a lot of time for it as expected with their personalities. Kana is the one who takes the most psychic damage from this.

Confession & Proposal - Such formalities are never really needed between them, they both know that and find comfort in that. They won't even bother with labels. Please refer to the "Relationship Attitude" box 🥴✨

Handling Conflict | Apology after a fight - This is certainly talking about the non-physical fights...I don't know, I'm scared 😰 /hj They'll fight out the apology phase physically. They implicitly reconcile after they're both lying on the ground all injured & beat up.

Cooking | Housework - I don't see them moving in together permanently in one house, there's no reason to. For now, they'll both just stay peacefully in their own residences. The respective housework are handled by Kusakabe (more on management/delegation of it not the actual housework itself) and by Rosa (can be management too, but she happily does it for Kana).

Overprotective - The thing is that, they have this unyielding mutual trust in each other's strength, skills & abilities and that the other would survive no matter what battles they encounter on their own. Anyone who somehow wants to trigger some sort overprotective instinct from one of them must really want that any% death speedrun achievement so very very bad.

Designated Driver - Kana can drive too, but she lets him drive if they're in a car together.

Penmanship - Hibari wins by default. The bar is in hell with Kana's shit handwriting.

Dies Protecting the Other - They are both willing to die to protect the other. But I chose Kana on the basis that she has suicidal tendencies = higher chances, you know?