#so just pardon me if this post sounds unintelligible

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[lelitachay]

Alliances

Post Frozen 2 fanfic 

After reading the new trade agreement Arendelle was trying to arrange with the kingdom of Hadeland on a peaceful autumn evening, Anna looked at the clock by the door and noticed it was already a few minutes past seven. She stretched her arms in front of her thinking it was best to stop working and call it a day. She was proud of her work. The trade could benefit both kingdoms, she and her advisers had worked hard to meet Hadeland’s demands in exchange of the goods they proposed, and she thought they had finally found a convincing agreement to present to them when their representatives arrived in Arendelle in the following days. Earlier that day, she had finished her daily work for the kingdom, and she had used the minutes before dinner to see the necessary things she was going to need to ask Kai to arrange for the upcoming meetings with the noblemen.

She decided it was best to just go to the dining room. It was strange Gerda hadn't called her for dinner yet, and the old handmaiden was probably on her way. And, in case the food wasn’t ready, she could use the time to catch up with Olaf who was probably waiting there already. 

When she left her study, she almost bumped into Gerda who had been about to enter. "Oh, Gerda. I'm so sorry. I was on my way to the dining room. I knew you were going to show up at- are you okay?” She asked when she noticed her dishevelled appearance. 

"Your majesty," she said trying to catch her breath. “It- it's Elsa."

"What?" She thought again what day of the week it was. It was certainly not Friday, and she hadn't agreed anything with Elsa that week, so it was not likely her sister was in the castle. However, Gerda’s worry called her attention. The old woman only looked so distressed if someone she loved was in danger. It was at that moment she realised Gerda was trying to tell her something was wrong with Elsa. "Gerda? What happened?"

"Come with me. I'll explain on the way." Gerda turned around and began walking fast in the direction of the Royal Chambers. Anna noticed Gerda would never demand something in such a way from her monarch unless it was important. She was always so proper around Elsa and herself. Even if both sisters had told her multiple times she could drop the honorifics, Gerda always used them. 

"About half an hour ago, the guards in the North watchtower spotted something unusual moving erratically on the fjord." Gerda began telling the events that had transpired while Anna worked on her study mere minutes ago. "They gave the order for someone to go investigate, and some minutes later Kai and I were called to assist the guards returning from the beach. We were surprised to see Elsa being carried by them. When we got closer we noticed half her dress was covered in blood, " she said, trying to catch her breath as she continued down the hall.

“What?” Anna paled at the thought of her sister bleeding. “Gerda, why was I not informed of this! Where is my sister?!" she demanded, as she followed the old woman.

"We all were worried for her highness’ wellbeing, and we didn't stop to think about sending word to you, your majesty. My most sincere apologies." It was true they had only realised Anna was not by their side when they were cleaning Elsa's wounds. "Princess Elsa is in her chamber right at this moment. Dorine and I tried to stop the bleeding as best as we could while Kai called the physicians." 

Anna understood they’d had her sister's best interests in mind, so she accepted they hadn’t called her until the situation was under control - or so she hoped. "What happened? Did she say something?"

Gerda turned left and climbed the stairs leading to the Royal Wing. "She is not completely conscious. She would answer our questions one moment, and then mumble unintelligible things the next." 

"Who brought her here?"

"The guards said she was all alone near the water."

Anna hurried when she saw a couple of maids gathered near her sister's old bedroom. They were all waiting for orders in case they were needed. Apparently, word had already spread in the castle about Elsa's unusual visit. Anna didn't stop to greet any of the women standing there and entered the room. She saw Kai and Dorine talking by the foot of the bed, and then she noticed Elsa laying on the bed. Some linen sheets had been thrown over the bed's traditional covers to protect them from the blood. Elsa's immaculate dress was, like Gerda had said, covered in blood which made the sight even more terrifying for Anna.

"Elsa!" she yelled, startling Kai and Dorine, when she noticed the state her sister was in. She got closer to the bed and said, "Oh dear lord. Elsa, what happened to you?" 

She was about to sit on the side of the bed to be close to her sister, but she thought better of it. She didn't want to compromise her sister's health. So, she opted for a chair. She turned to Kai and asked, "did you called the physicians?" 

He nodded and answered, "they are on their way, your majesty."

She was about to ask another question when she heard Elsa mumble her name from the bed. "Yes, it's me," she said, getting closer and sighing with relief. At least she was aware of her surroundings. "I'm here. Just hang on, sis." 

Anna didn't expect her to say anything in return since she had her eyes closed and seemed more focused on her laboured breathing than anything else, but after a few seconds she murmured, "I made it."

"You-" Anna wanted to ask what she meant, but thought it was probably useless at that moment. "Yeah, you did,” she chose to say. “You are home." Anything that could help her sister relax at that moment was worth a shot. 

Elsa said something unintelligible before hissing in pain.

Anna couldn't understand a thing she said, but the sound she made and her expression made it clear she was in pain. Anna noticed then how blood pouring from her left side, close to her ribcage. "Oh, no. No. No. She's bleeding again," she said to Dorine who was standing behind her. "Why is there so much blood?" 

Dorine got closer ready to make pressure on the wound with cloth, but Anna took the cloth from her hand. She wanted to remain beside her sister until the physicians arrived.

The butler left the room to inform the physicians about the situation when they arrived and ask them to enter the room. "Princess Elsa is in there hurry."

Surprised to see the Queen by Princess Elsa's side, both of them froze near the bed. They didn't want to disrespect their monarch. "Your majesty! Pardon us. We didn't know you were here. We-" said the older man. 

Anna, who was still holding the now blooded cloth, interrupted him, "don't worry about formalities, you fools. Come here and help my sister!" She knew she needed to try and remain calm, but it was impossible when Elsa was almost unconscious bleeding to death. 

"What caused this injury?" asked the younger doctor, as he arranged their things near the bed. 

"We don't know," answered Kai.

The older physician got closer and asked Anna to let go of the blooded cloth. He needed to get a better view of the wound. He teared Elsa's dress, revealing a deep wound which was bigger than they had imagined. "This doesn't look good. We'll need to suture immediately. We will need the assistance of two maids with nursing experience to help us." 

"I'll help," said Gerda from the door. She sounded confident, but her hands were shaking. 

"Gerda, you are under too much stress to be of help," said Kai in a low voice. "Let Dorine and Astrid help them."

"Your majesty," the younger physician called Anna's attention whose eyes were fixed in her sister's wound. "It would be best for you to wait outside too." 

It took a few seconds for her to react, and when she did she asked, "will she be okay? I need to know if she will be okay." 

The younger man looked at the more experienced doctor. He didn't know what to say to reassure their Queen.

"The faster we get to work, the greater her chances,” answered the older man. “Please, your majesty, wait outside so we can focus on Princess Elsa." 

Kai, helped Anna stand up and led her out the room as he whispered, "please, Anna. It's the best for Elsa. Let's wait outside." 

Anna allowed Kai to lead her outside. Once in the hallway, she saw him give the maids a few orders; not to let word spread was one of them. However Anna couldn't focus on what Kai was saying, she was looking at her left hand covered in her sister's blood.

She stayed silent trying to hear what was going on inside the room, but she couldn't understand a word. She was only distracted by the sound of someone running towards them, when she looked up she was glad to see it was Kristoff. 

"One of the guards told me,” he said trying to catch his breath when he stopped in front of Anna. “How is she?" 

Before Anna could answer, he noticed the blood on Anna's hand. He grabbed it and looked of she was injured.

"It's Elsa's…" she answered the silent question. She then threw herself into his arms and hugged him tight. Hoping Kristoff could promise her everything was going to be alright. 

He hold her tight as Kai and Gerda filled him in with the details. Elsa's sudden arrival was a mystery, but they guessed Nøkk had something to do with it. The strange thing was, he hadn't stayed or tried to help Elsa get to the castle. They concluded Elsa had been too weak to freeze him. Making it impossible for him to walk on land.

The four of them stayed outside the room talking and making assumptions of what could have happened to Elsa, while they waited for some news. Anna hadn't really participated in the conversation. She remained in Kristoff's arms looking at the door, hoping for one of the physicians to come out and say everything was going to be fine. 

It was some time after midnight when they opened the door. The physicians took the time to explain they had sutured Elsa's wound successfully. They had had some complications along the way, but they were able to keep Elsa stable. When they finished with their work, and they were wrapping bandages around Elsa, one of the maids noticed the blood on Elsa's shoulder belonged to a different wound. When they began cleaning it, they found a small arrow point which they had removed and kept with the intention of analysing. It was too small to be used to hurt someone critically and they believed it had been used to poison Elsa before attacking her. It could explain her erratic movements and inconsistent responses. The arrow point could also confirm their assumption Elsa had been attacked.

The physicians left some minutes after, saying they were going to see if they could identify the poison, but they couldn't make any promises. They reassured everyone present that by the amount of blood she had lost and the way she was responding, there was no risk of her dying from the poison. Their main concern was an infection, but they could only wait and see how Elsa's health improve or not during the night. They also asked for people of their trust to watch over her for signs of fever. Some temperature was normal, but if they thought it was too high, they were supposed to call one of them immediately.

Anna watched them leave, and thanked the maids for their assistance before dismissing them. Kai, Gerda, Kristoff and her stayed outside Elsa's bedroom for a moment trying to understand what had happened in just mere hours. Everything shown Elsa had been poisoned, attacked and then left to fend for herself. Somehow she had been conscious enough to return to Arendelle, and since she was alone on the fjord when she was found, it was clever to assume Nøkk had been the one who brought her home. 

Anna's worry didn't dissipated with that information, it only made her more anxious for her sister's and her whole family's well being. Brushing away the tears brimming in her eyes, she announced, "I'll watch over Elsa. You all should go to sleep. Elsa will need our help in the following days."

"Your majesty, I think it would be best for Gerda or me to watch over her tonight. You should sleep and make sure you are well rested in case this becomes something more serious,” Kai didn’t want to worry Anna more than necessary but the situation was too serious to ignore. “Someone attacking Elsa clearly is a warning to the whole royal family."

“Or Arendelle,” said Anna agreeing with him. She took a deep breath and continued, “I know what you mean Kai, and I know I should be prepared to whatever this means. But I can’t leave Elsa right now. I’m staying.”

“I’m staying with you,” said Kristoff.

“No. Please, make sure Olaf knows what’s going on… He’ll show up any minute and I don’t want him to see Elsa just yet.”

Not waiting for an answer she entered her sister’s room and closed the door behind her. She was going to stay by her side for as long as Elsa needed her. -- An idea I couldn’t get out of my head and finally said fork it, let’s post it and see what happens. I can’t promise regular updates since Søsken is still my main priority, but I wanted to share it.

[memelzebub]

[waddles by] pardon me vent post coming through...

formality and the ability to fake maturity don't mean shit when it comes to treating people you consider friends with respect and kindess 😑 if you don't want to cradle your ego tight while shedding tears and repeating to yourself (AND THE PEOPLE YOU HURT???) that you're a good person to get through the days, just try being nice?? I promise it feels really good to be nice to people and make them smile, and it feels really good to not force yourself to be around people you "project your insecurities" onto. 😑😑😑 oh but i guess it WOULD hurt you since you knee jerkingly say such hurtful things. I saw you were thrown for a loop when I unironically told you I already knew I was stupid when you just took a joke I made about myself and crushed the insecurity under your foot by saying "that's called being stupid" you better be getting your fucking mean habits in check, and I KNOW being around that entire family that is just so inconsiderate, imbalanced and downright emotionally abusive to eachother isnt gonna make that easy!!

I remember you telling Sam she'd be an ugly girl. Fuck you. I remember someone else never saw me and Sam as the genders we identified as! And she STILL DOES, I KNOW she still does! and you're staying friends with her despite being part of the LGBT club and all this other stuff like why did you even bring her back into this when we were leaving you because this is a whole other issue????? She doesnt believe in lesbians. SHE DOESNT BELIEVE LESBIANS EXIST SHE THINKS LESBIANS ARE DELUSIONAL AND DOESNT BELIEVE NONBINARY IS AN ACTUAL GENDER IDENTITY AND YOU THINK ITS OKAY TO LET US KNOW YOURE STAYING FRIENDS WITH HER WHEN YOURE TELLING US YOURE NOT TRANSPHOBIC ANYMORE IN THIS STUPID ASS GOOGLE DOC ABOUT HOW MUCH BETTER A PERSON YOU ARE?? Remember when you said you were trying to "protect me" from her and all this shit about how she made homophobic jokes about dating me?? What the hell is wrong with you?????? You are not respectful to Sam and I!!! You treated me like I was this emotional soft boy and you treated Sam like she was this gross person who was "too fat" for you and you were ashamed of dating like why didn't you tell me you and her were dating in the beginning?? Why did I have to find out through context clues that you two were dating?? Why was Sam the only person I ever saw initiate pda with you?? Why did Sam tell me about this time you two were at the store and you made a scene that "made people think you were abusing her" MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU WERE ABUSING HER!!!!!!!

And why? Why did I ever think you were better than that? You "accepted" me, but not Sam! My fucking sister.

And why did you have to take my own emotional blockages and shortcomings so personally? You never truly understood or cared for what I was going through, huh? That's fine, not everyone is going to, and I know you have it rough, too. I lost nights of sleep worried about you and I wanted to be there for you so bad when shit hit the fan before. But I thought that, before shit started getting weird, that we were super close and I could trust you and you'd understand me. But you took the emotional distance I developed when highschool hit way too personally. And you never understood Sam who is my sister and just someone that I highly relate to emotionally and mentally. And now I have to undo that emotional distance somehow without sabotaging myself over these self villifying messages I told myself that I somehow happened to read word for word in these dms you had with someone else that you chose to snapshot and put in the stupid fucking google doc you shared with Sam and I!!!

You should know better than to tell someone to their face that they're like their parents. And you do know better which is the worst part, you just think you can do it anyway for whatever sick reason hiding under all that woke and inclusive language you picked up on over time. And you think it doesn't count because it's in a snapshot from a dm from a few years ago, well you snapshotting it and posting it for me to read in the present is essentially renewing the statement you fucking jerk. And I know I rubbed that other person "the wrong way." She really hated it when I criticized Bayonetta's oversexualized design one time, I'm certain I did other things that made her uncomfortable like be afab and be more interested in women and femme presenting people and also not shill idiotic white cis men that hide behind large words because theyre so obsessed with being right and sounding intelligent like she does. And it probably rubbed her the wrong way pretty hard when I dropped her for making me feel like she saw me as a delusional, brainless lesbian who only thinks they're a lesbian and will realise they like men just like She does in time. She made me feel like that when I was around her when I'm literally gnc nonbinary and pansexual. Like, I was guilty at first but it was because I couldn't accept I'd dropped her for a reason all my own, and it was always because she made me feel more and more dysphoric and unintelligent the more i interacted with her. Just like you did.

Ugh. Im so fucking mad and ashamed of myself.

[the-foxes-fangs]

Warmup fragments with Ikesen/OC’s

I’ve been behind on requests so I promised @otomediary I’d post these little warmups even though they feature my OC’s 

                                                           ***

She had thought it was the wormhole opening two months too soon as the sky split like a rent cloth on the day the warlord’s had taken her out hawking, she had been riding next to Hideyoshi who had the presence of mind to grab her horses reins as it reared and jerked away in terror, nearly unseating her. 

That same feeling, nauseating pressure, the crackle of static building to a painful roar, and the sky coming undone as Hideyoshi lifted her bodily out of the saddle and held her protectively, his arm growing tighter around her as the sounds of a massive battle rolled in as if on a wave that broke against them. She held his sleeve, heart pounding as their group bunched up, each of them peering into the midday twilight, turned ochre through a cloud of choking dust that whipped across their faces and twisted into serpentine columns, falling from the broken sky. 

And then the noise receded and they appeared, four figures riding hell for leather out of the dust, pursuing something that flashed unnaturally bright even in the haze, a massive twisting mass that reminded her of a huge crumpled thermal blanket whipping and rolling in some way that was horribly alive and malicious, and utterly silent. 

They were yelling to each other in some language she had never heard, even in her own time, women crouched low on their horses, circling it, it whatever it was. The language was unintelligible, but the urgency wasn’t. 

She saw one of them vault off her horse and into the writhing malevolence, before being immersed in a silence so complete and abrupt that for a moment she felt as if all of the sound had been excised from the world at once. The snorting and stamping of the horses and the buzz of voices started her out of the dull shock of the scene, which had seemed to expand into hours but must have taken no more than half a minute in reality, if reality could still be considered a reliable thing. She had fallen through time, and now time and space were falling around her as she clutched Hideyoshi’s hand. 

It was gone, and the dust was drawing back apparently of its own volition, revealing a placid, uninterrupted sky as it receded into the outstretched hand of the woman closest to them, and she felt that same instinct for flight as she had the night she’d arrived at Honno-ji when the two groups faced each other. 

“Hey!” Masamune thundered, wheeling his horse out, sword unsheathed, always the first to run toward a fight, “explain yourselves!” 

“Masamune, stand down.” Nobunaga said quietly, holding himself quite still and carefully observing the otherworldly invaders. 

“Be cautious my lord.” Hideyoshi said protectively. 

Ieyasu and Mitsuhide were too busy aiming their respective weapons to speak, and you could almost hear the speed of Mitsunari’s thoughts as he surveyed the scene. 

***

She was arrestingly beautiful, he thought, the tallest of the strangers with the darkest skin he’d ever seen, lithe grace in her body and fearlessness stamped into her fine features, from the graceful column of her neck, the gentle smile with no hint of timidity on her full lips to the good natured intelligence that burned in her dark eyes. 

He laid out the Go board and watched her pad silently about the Tenshu, hands held behind her back, taking inventory to the smallest detail as she seemed to always do. 

“Tiaret.” He said, her name heavy on his tongue. “Why is it that the others call you one thing, but you ask us to call you another?” Nobunaga asked curiously, watching the way the golden cloth of her dress seemed to gather all of the light in the room to itself. 

“I am from a place where magic is as common as water, and there’s magic in a name-- power to bind, power to break.” She answered, her voice soft and low, a trace of amusement on her face. She wore her thick curly black hair elaborately braided close to her head, with ornaments of gold and red that gave her face a warm glow even in the moonlight where she stood on the balcony. 

Of all their guests from the further shore, she was the most amiable, but he felt as if it were the disinterested amiability of a tiger looking at a falling leaf. He had never believed in the possibility of an unseen world, of anything so childish as magic, until he had seen what she could do. As every challenge ever had, she filled with him a fierce desire to capture her attention, to conquer her disinterest, and to know her. 

“And you have my name now.” He said, tapping his fingers against his cheek as he rested his chin on his hand. 

“If I wished to harm you with magic, it would be of a far more direct kind. I was elected as intermediary to maintain some semblance of peace while we’re here, not as an assassin.” She said, with an elegant gesture of dismissal. 

“I have seen it, and I still cannot grasp the nature of magic.” He replied, searching her untroubled face. 

She seated herself elegantly across from him and studied the board thoughtfully. “It is unnatural to you, and thus beyond your grasp.” She said bluntly, but without any incivility. 

A faint scent of honey and some flower whose name was as much a mystery as hers drifted across to him, heady and soft, with the warm late summer breeze. “I commend you on your grasp of tactics, it’s rare that I am outmatched in Go.” 

“My vocation is to remember, it would be strange if I were so well acquainted with the details of so many battles and yet knew nothing of the general principles of war.” She answered with an indulgent smile as she rolled a white go piece between her slender fingers. 

***

“You have a lot of freedom for a prisoner of war,” Ieyasu said, looking askance at the unsettling wisp of a woman, sickly pale as a radish with her face framed by hair the color of an orange autumn leaf and her eyes barely a shade lighter. 

“My prison is living, but my hell is being alive to be questioned by the likes of you.” Zenaida replied acerbically as she glanced up from her reading, bitterness in her expression, distant and hard. 

“Try to be polite, Zenaida.” Tiaret said mildly from across the library, without glancing up from her book. 

“Try to be less sickeningly saintly, Sulwe.” 

The entire room seemed to seethe with cold anger, but he saw, or imagined he saw a shadow of anguish flit across her drawn features for a fraction of a moment before it dissipated. 

“Well excuse me for breathing.” He muttered. 

“Ask the gods for pardon, all I know how to do anymore is spit poison at the world that poisoned me.” Zenaida answered very softly, looking up at him with haunted eyes that said he would get no more of an apology than that. 

***

“Darling boy, you couldn’t out ride me if your life depended on it! I was just about born on the back of a horse, and I expect I’ll die there too.” Sankho said merrily, irreverent and flip, with a wildness all about her that made Masamune feel downright conventional. 

“Oh you think so? Let’s have a race then. Loser cooks dinner” He shot back amiably, watching as she made another strange dish, with a mouth watering aroma he couldn’t place at all. She had said that since she didn’t know what ingredients were safe for humans it was better that he not try it all, but his curiosity as a cook was killing him. 

Of all of them, she looked nothing like a barbarian, she could almost have passed for a resident of the castle if not for the reckless glitter in her eye, her raucous laughter and utter lack of manners that had its own kind of charm. 

He couldn’t shake his fascination with her, it was like watching a typhoon coming in knowing that it would blow you halfway to hell and still not wanting to move out of the way. 

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just have a duel? It would make you look more cool losing to magic, you know.” She said with a crooked smile and a daring wink. 

He grinned back at her, and felt the heat rise in his face. “And they say I’m overconfident!” 

“You’re reckless, far more reckless than a real dragon ever would be, and I’ve met a few, but I like it. There’s a little of the wild old magic in you, I think. The rest of it has gone to sleep in this world, but I feel the faintest echo from you.” She said, looking him over appraisingly.

“What does that mean?” 

“It means you should take my advice.” She said, and reached out to take hold of his chin, her eyes so dark they nearly looked like ink boring into him, into some part of him that he himself didn’t know. “Don’t let it make you cruel. It will make you feel like you can do anything, the mote that lives in you. Don’t always heed the call.”

***

“Play your hand, pretty fox.” Tura said, her voice pleasantly low, and took another drink. Mitsuhide glanced at his cards, and back at her. She was impossible to read, even for him. It was as if she could simply vanish into herself, into some stillness that held no thought or feeling. 

Her silky black hair fell down her breast in disarray, and she didn’t so much sit across from him as sprawl. But even in repose she was imposing, as tall as him or taller, with plenty of hard muscle under her curves that gave a serpentine impression. 

“My, are you in a hurry to lose, or trying to cheat while I’m distracted?” He asked, peering uselessly into her eyes, grey as ash in her angular tanned face. He fancied he could see the faint red glow of embers in their depths. 

“See, that’s why I like you. Half the fun of the game is trying to cheat each other.” She replied with a half smile softening her angular features. 

“Oh? Is that why I’m your favorite?” He asked, a little more seriously than he intended. 

She looked at him and smiled and there was a little of the wolf in her white teeth, as she laughed good humoredly. “I’d feel a little bad trying to cheat the Chatelaine or her man, but you can take it.” She drained her cup in one go. “Maybe it’s just that you haven’t got the good sense to be afraid of me.” 

The incense she always kept burning sent up a ribbon of smoke  that drifted between them and gave him the discomfiting sense that he had been there before, and had waited a long time to return. 

“I could say the same to you.” He said and filled both their cups. 

“Everything I ever feared has already come to pass.” She replied with no particular feeling. 

[scriptureofashes]

(Not) Guilty (Part 1/2)

So by popular demand, here it is, folks. The direct sequel to (Not) Sorry. This will be a two part piece (which will then be later posted in whole in my ao3) and as I tell you in the ao3 version, a winteriron fic.

Enjoy Part 1! (Enjoy about 5000 words written through blood and sweat lmao I need sleep)

Rhodey found him in the shop. Obviously.

“Well, that could’ve gone worse.”

Tony muttered something in return, made unintelligible by the screwdriver in his mouth. He wasn’t in the mood for basic socialization. He never was, frankly.

“Tones.”

Tony kept working.

“Tony.”

“Are the legs acting up again? I’ve been working on something that can recalibrate—”

Rhodey sighed. “Tony, come on—”

“Come on what.”

The sound of the screwdriver slamming on the table echoed, loud and uncomfortable. Tony winced. He didn’t mean to be so dramatic. Well, he didn’t mean to be more dramatic than usual.

“Sorry. I—sorry.”

“What are you even apologizing for?”

Ruining your life? Ruining other people’s lives? Ruining the world as we know it?

“I ate your pancake share. I’d feel guilty, but Bruce’s cooking kind of counteracts any sort of negative emotion. I suspect Strange did something.”

Rhodey’s unimpressed eyebrow was enough to tell his bullshit had been called.

“First, you took my share right out of my hands and ran off with the most maniacal laugh I’ve ever heard from you. Second, you’re not working on anything even remotely related to what you just said, considering the Captain America shield is on full display.”

Tony blinked. Well, I never thought I’d see the day I’d bring this much stupid into my own workshop.

“Tony, what are you doing?”

He sighed. “Nothing. Fri, if you please.”

“Yes, boss.” The hologram immediately changed into Mark XLVII.

“Nothing? That didn’t look like nothing. You’re not giving them upgrades, are you?”

Tony’s silence was answer enough.

“I’m going to beat your ass.”

“That’s not nice.”

“God, Tony,” Rhodey sighed, again. He rounded the table and took the wrench right out of his hold. “Did you simply forget what happened? What Rogers said? What Barton said?”

“Of course I didn’t forget, but whether I like it or not the ‘gang’,” he did the air quotes and everything, “Is back at it again, and it’s my job to provide with what I can.”

“No, it’s not. You’re doing this out of the goodness in your heart, is what you’re doing. Don’t deny it, damn it,” he warned as Tony prepared to argue. “You’ve settled things so that they could return, for duty. For our home. For our world. You’ve signed the pardon, for duty. You’ve put on the suit once more, for duty. But this?”

Rhodey waved the wrench in his face.

“This isn’t an obligation. This is another attempt of yours at an apology, at reconciliation, with you being the one to put aside your pride and dignity, like always.”

“Did you maybe consider I wanted to see whether mine or Shuri’s tech would work best?”

“Right, because you haven’t already had 5-hour long Skype conversations with her and incorporated her methods into yours.”

Guilty.

It was Rhodey’s turn to slam his hand on the table.

“You’re already playing host. You’re already giving up your time, money and space to house them, when the government could’ve perfectly done that themselves without you having yet another mental breakdown over these assholes.”

“To be fair, the government would have given them atrocious installations and��”

“And it would have been well deserved.”

In his experience, Tony knew arguing with Rhodey when he was that riled up would be fruitless, so he said nothing. He hadn’t been about to disagree, per se. It would be a long-overdue lesson in humility. But he just… knew. He knew they would think he was behind the whole ordeal, that he would be the one to demand them placed in heinous lodging out of spite, sneering at him for it behind his back.

As if they don’t do that already.

Still. He wasn’t about to risk getting shot in the knee during the upcoming battle by what they all would claim was an alien, turning a blind eye to Barton’s suddenly emptier quiver.

“Look, Tones.” For a minute, Rhodey didn’t say anything. He had his ‘My best friend is an idiot and I don’t know how to deal with it’ brow on. “I’m not saying they shouldn’t be here. They’re the only ones that can help. But I’ve noticed something. Something that’s been happening since the very beginning of this whole Avengers business.”

“In my defense, I haven’t had much time to go to the dresser and cover them up—”

“It’s not your grey hairs. Though it might be related,” he said. He looked thoughtful, instead of defiant. “You compromise. A lot. You compromise with everyone in all senses of the word, even where the smallest of things is concerned.”

He paused.

“You compromise where you shouldn’t. Maybe it’s time you stopped that.”

“Fri?”

“It’s 3:42 in the am, boss. No one is in the kitchen.”

Tony would have fired a comeback about late night cravings for some leftover chinese, which was a real thing that afflicted everyone, but the relief at finally being able to wander around his own house without imminent risk swallowed it back. Granted, he was popping out because Bruce had apparently stress-baked blueberry muffins and those went divine with coffee, but it counted as leaving the shop.

After 36 hours. He could swear Pepper found a way to project herself into his mind to chide him at the proper occasion. His brain couldn’t sound so properly vexed at himself.

Friday turned on and dimmed the lights for him, despite the clear moonlight seeping through the slim panes of the windows. Tony could hear the clock ticking somewhere as he picked one of the two muffins left, cutting through the silence of the night like a reminder—a reminder of how little time they most likely had.

Thankfully, there was some remaining coffee in the mug, so he went without the usual ruckus of coffee machines (maybe he should give it another tweak). Bruce had probably known he would venture out and went to bed only after leaving him fresh coffee. He’d tried making Tony sleep in the past. He gave up the lost cause.

He knew about the nightmares, now.

“Fri, give me Princess Shuri’s drafts on the shield.”

His own voice made all of his hairs stand on end, even if whispered. He knew it was dangerous to display this in the middle of the kitchen, connected to the common area as it was, but there were details on the wakandan princess’s plans for a new shield that Tony was having a hard time figuring out, and damn him if he wasn’t going to spare every break on them.

Her ideas were complex and far more advanced than anything he’d ever come up with. Shuri worked in ways Tony only ever briefly considered and then dismissed, never quite knowing how to get there. He honestly never thought he’d see the day when someone smarter than him would make it possible, or that they’d be a sixteen-year-old girl. Bright, young minds indeed.

It made his blood rush with excitement. A challenge. Finally.

“Zoom in on—yes, exactly.” He took a bite out of the muffin—delicious, as expected—and gulped down some coffee. “Now, see, I don’t quite understand how she wants to…”

“Boss?”

“Brilliant, maybe too brilliant for me. I can’t—oh. Oh!”

Tony almost spilled coffee everywhere. He was going to mail this kid three dozen boxes of American candy and all the Coachella tickets she wanted.

“Ha, you clever kid, you!”

“Boss.”

Of course! Of freaking course, how did he not—

“Jesus Christ.”

The Winter Soldier blinked.

“No. Just me.”

“Yes, I can see that.”

Though the physical differences are slim to none.

Tony quickly swiped left before Barnes could see anything and backtracked to the sink, hackles raised. He suppressed the impulse to press his hand on his chest out of habit, or to call for a suit and blast himself far, far away from the compound. He remembered seeing a knife among the dishes in the sink, but he wasn’t stupid enough to glance at it.

The soldier remained on the couch, unperturbed. Too far away from the kitchen lights, he was almost a shadow, cloaked in light and dark both. The usual unkempt bird’s nest of a hair was tied up in a bun to keep it from his face, only to accentuate the sharpness of his jawline. He looked every bit a heartless assassin.

Tony scrutinized the area for a tactical retreat without having to turn his back to him. “Lover’s spat?”

Barnes looked like he’d almost frowned.

“What?”

“You and Rogers.” He slowly moved around the island. “Did he kick you out of the bed already?”

“I’m not going to put a knife to your throat, Stark.”

Tony really should have known better. One armed or not, it was the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier. Brief flashes of roadways and car crashes played behind his eyes, but Tony locked those images away in less than a split second.

“I distinctly remember the Accords stating you weren’t allowed near anything sharp without supervision until they deemed you able,” Tony stated simply. “So I suspect not.”

There didn’t seem to be a hint of resentment at those words. In fact, Barnes looked almost relieved.

“I don’t blame them.” He paused. Tony thought that was that, then, “Steve and I… we ain’t together.”

“Like I care.”

Even in the dark, Tony saw grey eyes peering at him.

“We aren’t together,” Barnes repeated, as if to make a point Tony was missing. “We never were and we never will be.”

A point Tony was now deliberately missing.

“Spare me your pathetic pining, Kristoff. If you’re looking for a pity party, you’d better look elsewhere.”

A crash—his father’s blood—his mother’s whimpers—a murderer’s cold eyes—

“I remember all of them.”

Tony retreated to the shop before Barnes could say anything.

The liquor stash he’d kept down at the workshop of the Avengers tower had never gained a twin for the new one once the team moved to the compound, thanks to Pepper and Rhodey, but as Tony sat on its couch and watched his former companions patter idly about the common area through his surveillance cameras, he felt that old thirst make its return in full force.

This is what my life has come to. Wary and confined to parts of his own home, reliant on Friday showing him if the coast was clear, lest he came face to face with yet another unpleasant, uncivil confrontation with the people poisoning his life. The people that accepted him with open arms and too wide smiles, only to break him into a thousand pieces.

You’d think he’d have learned his lesson by now.

They tried getting into the workshop. Of course they did. They came, high on entitlement and set on more degrading words with the arrogant and ungrateful Tony Stark. They came, and outside they stayed, in clear anger at being denied access by the smooth voice of a fuming AI.

Rogers was the one hardest to watch. He wouldn’t even come angry—determined, maybe, but never angry. Desperate suited him better, as well as… contrite. He wouldn’t demand, he would beg—in his own Captain America fashion—and he would stare straight at the eye of the beholder, very obviously aware of Tony watching, or at least in hopes of so. He would speak to Friday like he was speaking to Tony, always saying the same thing.

“I just want to talk.”

His face remained ever composed, but there was real pain in those blue eyes every time he was denied access, and Tony really, really didn’t know what to make of that.

They were trying to watch a movie of sorts now, it seemed. Tony once made the mistake of leaving the sound on when checking up on them. He’d pretended not to feel the stabs at his chest upon hearing the things they’d said about him.

“I can’t believe he’s bitter about that, what a selfish—”

“Still arrogant as ever, it seems—”

“He gets pissed when I give him a piece of his medicine, but I’m not allowed to get revenge for my family? He knows nothing of the pain I—”

No sound. Just video. It was safer that way.

“My ears tell me of you forging yet another offering of weapons for the very people who betrayed your trust.”

“Alright, you know what.” Tony took half a moment to bank back the heart attack, wiped down his greasy hands and reached for the drawer on his desk. “Here you go, Rudolph. A shiny bell to match your shiny nose.”

Loki caught the green collar with one hand and one eyebrow raised.

“I do not have a shiny nose.”

Tony quickly disabled Friday’s live display, but Loki wouldn’t be known as the Trickster if he weren’t smart enough to know what he’d been watching. His eyes narrowed.

“You fear them.”

“I don’t fear them.” Not exactly.

Loki contemplated him. It was still odd to see him in Earth clothing, but an all black suit was an unsurprisingly good fit on him. Completely out of place in a mechanic’s haven, but Tony wasn’t one to talk about donning expensive suits just because he could around the house, now was he?

“You do.”

“Was there a point to you coming here?”

“Ah, yes. We’re having one of those ‘movie-marathons’ tonight as you call them, per young Peter’s insistence. Banner even brought some of those dough and cheese based pies.”

Tony blinked. It’s Thursday already?

“There was no pizza in Asgard? No wonder it got blown up by Ghost Rider's evil grandfather.”

Tony went to check on his drafts, disconcerted by the sudden pass of time, but was halted by Loki’s hand on his shoulder. His expression was unreadable. It always was.

“Stop trying to appease them, Stark.”

Then he left without another word.

These damn Asgardians, I swear.

Due to circumstances, his team—minus Romanoff—took their business to the wing set opposite the one now occupied by Cap’s team, where another, slightly smaller common area was built. There was no kitchen or even a dining room, seeing as Tony’s plan had been to spare it for visitors, so it was more of a living room than anything. He certainly didn’t plan on using it, and he certainly didn’t plan on, you know, using it to avoid certain people. In his own property.

Yet if he so much as issued a part of the compound that wasn’t his workshop restricted, he’d be labelled the asshole again and the slowly steadying dynamic would tip again. So, he let things be.

Decorators had settled on a teal theme, turned dark green by the late afternoon sun. Thor was already sprawled out on a couch, his brother comfortable on the armchair beside him. Bruce and Rhodey engaged in casual conversation. Peter, to Tony’s amusement, sat on the Asgardian king’s belly and gobbled down a slice of pizza that looked legitimately bigger than his head.

“Slow it down, pygmy shrew. Leave some for me.”

“Mr. Stark!”

“Man of Iron!”

Thor actually sprung from the couch and to his side, all joy and smiles and paying no mind whatsoever to the kid he’d just sent spiraling over.

“We were beginning to think you would not join us in the merriment!”

“For God’s sake, just say fun, Thor.”

It was… weird, for lack of a better word, to see him short-haired and one-eyed. Sure, Tony had more time to adjust than some, seeing as Thor had gone to him upon hearing about the disbanded Avengers—he somehow remembered how Tony had predicted what was on its way—but he was like a literal reflection on how things had changed.

A literal reflection who hugged his lungs out.

“Okay, okay, let go, let go, let go.” Thor put him down with a godsworn pout. “Happy to see you too, big guy. But I don’t hug, that’s general knowledge.”

From his spot on the floor, Peter saluted. “General Knowledge.”

“You’re grounded.”

The kid had the nerve to cackle. Youths these days, so disrespectful.

“What have you been working on that’s got you so holed up in that lab?” Bruce asked, even if his voice tone implied he knew. And disapproved.

“Nothing too important.”

Bruce looked about ready to rebuffel, but Rhodey cut in. “He’s right, it’s not important. It’s not going for clearance. At all.”

“I think I’ll be the judge of what I do with my inventions.”

“You’re not a weapons manufacturer anymore, Tones. Legally, I could impeach your ass and confiscate whatever war tech you build.”

Tony gaped. “Now see here—”

“Of course I’m not gonna do it. Just know that I can, and I will if I must.”

“If you must? What exactly am I supposed to do here, then?”

Building and fixing things was what he did. If he wasn’t allowed to do that, then there was no purpose to him on the team whatsoever. And if—if—

“You’re supposed to be minding your own damn business, is exactly what. We are not having this argument, Tones,” he perfuncted. “Now sit back and watch Return of the Jedi.”

“Ugh, again?”

Tony woke up on the floor with a horrible back ache, a mouthful of Peter’s hair and a blanket of Avengers. And cold sweat on his temples. He weaseled out of the cocoon and back to work, popped tires and fiery, starry darkness a ghost in his mind.

“Jesus!”

“No, still me.”

Tony watched Barnes eat his cereal in complete disbelief. He had his hair down this time, and was still in dire need of a shave. Seriously, was it in now, for super soldiers to loathe razors?

“How are you doing that? Friday, what gives?”

“I’m sorry boss. He just seems to appear out of nowhere.”

“Out of—” Tony ran a hand down his face. Ex-assassins.

Barnes raised his brow at him, looking entirely unimpressed, as if being incognito had been his intention all along. Tony was reminded of the silent and efficient kill method of the Winter Soldier, the few reports he bothered to read of dead Hydra targets without a clue as to whom or what killed them.

Cold adrenaline burned then. Once is an anomaly, twice is a coincidence…

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Barnes blurted, immediately scrapping every conclusion Tony had drawn in that one half-moment.

Everything about this guy was… disorienting. Barnes stared at his bowl of Lucky Charms almost like he was afraid of looking Tony in the eye, which was ridiculous, really. If anything, Tony should be the one shrinking in on himself—or not, given what he just heard.

“How do you know that?” Tony asked and immediately winced. Shuri had made sure to send a mentally apt Barnes for the new Avengers cause, so there was no trigger-word concern anymore. In theory.

Barnes looked up, and the simple act seemed to bring him pain, clear and sharp in his eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Tony didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to say to that.

I assaulted you. I almost killed you. I blasted your damn arm off. And you don’t want to hurt me.

He got his coffee and made to go back to the—

“I’m sorry.”

Tony froze mid-step and didn’t turn around.

“It’s worth nothin’. It won’t bring ‘em back and it doesn’t make up for it, not by a long shot,” and at this Barnes made a sound, that self-deprecating, pathetic laugh Tony was all too familiar with himself, “But know that I’m so, so sorry.”

There was a pause. Tony still didn’t dare glance at him, unwilling to see what expression matched the utter sincerity and regret in that rasp of a voice.

“And I understand why you don’t trust me. So I’ll say it again: I’m not going to hurt you.”

Tony wanted to scream. He wanted to hurl his coffee at the wall, he wanted to shake Barnes until sense came to him, he wanted to cry his stomach sick. A part of him wanted to assure the ex-assassin he couldn’t hurt him even if he tried. The other begged to let him, in hopes he’d succeed.

Tony did neither. He crept back to the shop, ignoring how violently his hands shook.

“You know, when I said ‘don’t make weapons for the Avengers’ and told you to focus on something else, this isn’t what I meant.”

“I’m sure that’s close to what Raza thought when he told me to build the Jericho and I blew up his base instead, but what’re we gonna do?”

Rhodey sighed, then a flashdrive and a huge stack of papers were deposited on the table. A nail rolled across them and onto the floor, but Tony’s attention was drawn to the Russian words peeking at the corner of an age-old folder. Bruce, previously focused on his own side of their current project, looked up in confusion.

“What’s all this?”

“Everything you need to know about Sergeant Barnes and more. From where USSR first took him to and when, to his stay on Wakanda.” Rhodey turned to Tony. “I thought you already went through the reports?”

“That’s right, you thought.”

Tony had been indeed given these same papers, post his disagreement with Cap and said man’s exile, right when he’d wanted absolutely nothing to do with Bucky Barnes. They were sent back in less than a day, spared nothing more at than a disturbed glance.

Now, though… Tony did a mental pause. Now what?

“Should I be concerned? I mean, last time you pulled something unexpected you became Iron Man,” Rhodey said. “And you taking a sudden interest in the man who murdered your parents is unexpected.”

Bruce took the liberty to flicker through the papers, already frowning.

“When said man is a guest in the compound, I’m going to take such an interest.”

Friday displayed the contents of the flashdrive. A myriad of information settled itself on screen, then the face of 1940’s James Buchanan Barnes was staring back at him. The contrast between this roguish man and the broken one Tony had actually met almost made him reel backwards. The eyes were the same, even through outdated, poor quality photos, yet the ghosts that now haunted them were nowhere to be seen.

“He fell off the train in 1945 and was found by the Russians. Not by Hydra, like most people think…”

Bruce kept reading aloud, words Tony’s brain didn’t process as he was too busy assimilating the absolute horror he was shown. He’d suspected some of what he read, but this—

Torture—brainwashing—violent punishment—

“Fuck.”

“Tones?”

Memory wipes—isolation as punishment—starvation as punishment—mind control—

His mind brought him back to Afghanistan before he could even process it, to cold heat of caves and metal and stale water, to—

“Ton—”

There were photos. Visuals to accompany the reports on progress, proof that proper discipline methods were being exercised—so it read. Depictions of red, yellow, black, blue. Bruises. Blood matted skin and hair. Countless lacerations. Protruding bones. Swellings from head traumas.

Utter gore.

“Oh my God.”

There were videos. The one playing was of not many, caught in very, very poor quality, but you could clearly see Barnes and the chair he was strapped to. And the electric flares on his head.

And you could hear the screaming. The screaming.

“Jesus fuck…”

Tony didn’t even admonish Bruce’s swearing. He was too busy throwing up his coffee.

Bruce’s tea was hot on his palms and burned going down his throat. All heads-up displays were disabled, all music muted. His shop was silent but for his bots’ whirrs and the disturbing sound of four human beings breathing.

“I’m sorry.”

Bruce frowned. Tony gestured to the coffee mug Dummy was currently replacing.

“Wasted your coffee.”

He was then on the receiving end of three varying expressions of disbelief. No, two—Rhodey actually looked exasperated instead.

“Tony. You had a completely acceptable reaction to what you just saw.”

“It was damn good coffee, though. I’m—”

“Stop apologizing.”

Tony stared at Strange. The wizard stared back. Didn’t so much as blink, eyes hard to read. Tony opened his mouth—

“Stop apologizing. And drink that.”

Strange then gestured open a portal back to the Sanctum and left with a twirl of that infuriating red cloak.

Tony shot his tea a haughty look. I knew it.

The lockdown mode lasted for five days. Well, the extra lockdown settings did. About five people in the compound had access codes to his shop. For five days, they didn’t.

For five days, Tony was AWOL. For five days, Tony processed what he’d learned. Sat shrouded in nothing but darkness and the cyan blue light of his monitors, Tony watched Bucky Barnes. He watched him do his work out routine. He watched him eat breakfast. He watched him eat lunch. He watched him eat dinner. He watched him skip movie night and go to bed.

For five days, Tony watched him. And he noticed. He noticed that Barnes’ work out routine ended when somebody else joined him. He noticed that Barnes always ate alone. He noticed that Barnes skipped his team’s bonding hour to sit in the gym and stare at nothing. Or the compound garden, or the compound roof, or anywhere that got him alone.

Or anywhere that got him away from his team.

Tony already knew what kind of shitstorm awaited him once he authorized the codes again. Rhodey was probably pissed. Bruce was probably concerned. Peter was probably hurt. Thor was probably sad, and Loki… well, Loki wasn’t probable, but Tony guessed he wasn’t pleased.

He wasn’t referring to the Avengers, no, currently enjoying their own movie night in their own common area, either oblivious or impervious to Tony’s lockdown mode. He could have fucked off to someplace, and they’d still sit and talk and laugh among each other as they watched Pulp Fiction. He could have up and left the planet, and they’d still plot behind his back.

Like they were now.

“Hey, not for nothin’ or nothin’,” Barton said, from his spot sprawled on Romanoff’s legs, “But have you talked to Rhodes yet?”

The question was apparently directed at Rogers, who sighed. Tony was quick to note Barnes next to him, looking for all he cared like he didn’t care to be there at all. He maintained enough proximity to his best friend for no risk of questions asked, yet he was too stiff and too focused on the screen while in fact not paying any attention to the movie. Tony was surprised, trained ex-assassins and ex-militaries as most of them were, at how nobody noticed this.

(Or maybe they did. And chose to ignore it.)

“He says it’s not in his place to give us the access codes. And neither is, uh, acting messenger boy.” Sam let out a cynical laugh. “He says if we want to talk to him, we’ll have to go to him ourselves.”

Barton raised his arms in the air. “He won’t let us talk to him! The stick in his ass got even deeper after what happened in Leipzig.”

“Clint—”

“Look, his fragile little ego got Hulk smashed, and Hulk wasn’t even there. We gotta handle this before shit hits the fan again, Cap.”

“Thor said—”

“I know what Thor said about this Thanos guy. That’s not the shit I was referring to.”

Rogers, for no change whatsoever, looked confused.

“We wounded his pride,” Romanoff clarified. “We wounded his pride, and we don’t know where he is or what he’s up to. He took Ross out of the Accords to be monitored by the Colonel instead, as we know, who won’t tell us if Tony’s even in the premises.”

She pushed Barton off her to sit up and stare straight at the Captain.

“Tony is dangerous and reckless when his pride is on the line, so we have to take control of the situation before it becomes one.”

Almost imperceptibly, Barnes shifted on the couch. Rogers didn’t see.

“What do you mean?”

“She means, maybe he’s finding a way to bench us before the big game,” Barton answered, looking at the ceiling. “Maybe this whole ‘welcome home’ thing is a ruse to keep us in the dark. Maybe we should get back on the run before he gets those arrest warrants ready. Maybe we should be gearing up for another Ultron situation. He’s too arrogant to trust us.”

Barton opened his mouth to continue, but what Tony and the others heard came in a voice that definitely wasn’t his.

“Maybe you’re all too arrogant to be trusted.”

Barnes didn’t even look away from the movie as he said it. Everybody stood stock still. It was like the tide receded at his words, the dead giveaway to an incoming tsunami.

Rogers was the sounding alarm. “What?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Barton asked, too taken aback to look insulted. Romanoff wore the exact same face he did. It was almost comical.

Barnes took his time replying. He was still ‘fixated’ on the movie.

“There ain’t no ‘welcome home’ ruse. Hell, there wasn’t even a ‘welcome home’, for starters, so I don’t know what you’re even on about,” he said, with an honest to God laugh. “And I really don’t know why you expected one.”

“We signed the Accords,” Rogers stated, a perceived cold fact. “We agreed to his terms—”

“No, he agreed to yours, punk.”

“Am I actually listening to this?” Lang asked, effectively voicing Tony’s thoughts.

“Buck, you of all people should know that we can’t trust the—”

“You ain’t above the law, Steve.” Barnes finally tore his eyes from the screen to stare at his best friend’s. His voice was ice. “You ain’t above 192 countries. If you can’t accept limitations, you’re no better than the bad guys.”

Tony’s sharp gasp synched with Team Cap’s.

“You’re defending Stark?” Barton asked, sounding as skeptical as Tony felt. “You, of all people?”

That’s it, no more tea from Strange. He was absolutely not witnessing this.

“Buck.”

“Steve,” Barnes mocked.

Rogers blinked, before his face contorted into something like anger. Tony wasn’t sure.

“Bucky, he tried to kill you!”

“I killed his parents!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Barton jumped off the couch. “What the fuck?”

“Okay, what?”

The rest of the team, including Maximoff but not Romanoff, reacted like this was big news.

“That wasn’t—!”

“Yes, it was. No, shut the fuck up, Steven Grant Rogers,” Barnes growled, and Tony couldn’t for the life of him believe his eyes and ears. “I killed his parents. I fuckin’ killed his parents, that was me, brainwashed or not. Their death is on my hands and I take full blame and responsibility for what I did.”

“Hold up a sec—” Wilson started, but Barnes wasn’t done.

“But you, Steve, didn’t take no fucking blame or responsibility. You knew it had been me, and you didn’t tell him. You knew it hadn’t been an accident from the start, and you didn’t tell him. Didn’t you say you were friends?”

“Yes, but—”

“Then what the hell, Steve—”

“How was I supposed to tell him?” Rogers finally snapped. “How could I say it? How do you say that to someone? Buck, you’re my friend—”

“So was he, damn it!”

Tony could feel his eyes growing progressively wider.

“You’re my friend, I was protecting you!” There was actual betrayal in Rogers’ face. “If I told him, he would have gone after you!”

“Would he?” Barnes gestured around vaguely. “I’m standin’ right here, in his house, per his invite, and not once has he tried to pick up where we left off.”

“Not yet,” Lang corrected. “He doesn’t because he’s smart enough not to mess with you, seeing as that would mean messing with us.”

And then Barnes’ face, ever so calculatingly blank, stretched in the most scornful smirk Tony had ever seen.

“Oh, he’s smart alright. But that ain’t why. Lord knows he could kick your asses on his own if he needed to. He certainly kicked mine and Steve’s.”

“Okay, what?” Wilson—it had been Wilson—repeated.

“When did this happen?” Maximoff asked, right back to Stark-Hate mode.

Both Rogers and Barnes fell into silence, one out of guilt and one out of sheer anger.

“You didn’t tell them about Siberia.” It wasn’t a question.

“Siberia?”

“Siberia?”

“What happened in Siberia?”

Tony could never be sure watching through video feed as he was, despite the fine quality of his installed surveillance, but the expression Barnes now had struck too close to the one he’d associated with the Winter Soldier.

Rogers did make an effort to explain, surprisingly. “Tony came to us after Leipzig. As a friend. He… he found out the truth. Lashed out, attacked Bucky. I stepped in and it… it just went downhill from there.”

“What do you mean, ‘downhill’?” It was Romanoff who asked, at a loss to make a difference.

Rogers took too long to come up with his response. Barnes beat him to it.

“He tried to kill him.” Perceived cold fact. “He crushed his arc reactor, then left him to die in the cold.”

He was met with silence, underlaid with the movie in the background. Barnes got up.

“I already watched Pulp Fiction last week,” he informed, then promptly left.

In his lab, Tony watched him go. The moment Barnes was out of frame, he turned off all monitors. Left himself in complete darkness.

What. The actual. Fuck.

[ellana-ravenwood]

One Year - Steve Rogers x Reader

Anonymous requested this (I lost the original message) : 

1. Post Break Up Kiss - The kiss that catches both of you off guard, but says I miss you, I’m sorry and please love me again all at once without any words being spoken.

Thought maybe I should write something else than only the Batfamily haha..So here some love for Cap’ ! Hope you’ll like it :

You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

It had been a year already.

A year since you last saw him.

A year since everything was over between you two.

A year since you sided with your brother, Tony Stark, in what people now called the “Avengers’ Civil War” instead of with him, and lost him forever…

Him. Steve Rogers. Captain America. Your boyfriend…Ex-boyfriend.

Recently things seemed to have settled down between your brother and him, they were tolerating each other again, talking on the phone regularly, and even going to the extent of working together on some missions.

The government finally came to its senses and pardoned the entire “Captain America team”, though they made Bucky go through a lot of…psychological check. Just to be safe. You convinced your brother to forgive the man. If you could do it, he could too…After all, Tony wasn’t the only one who lost his parents this day. Who lost his dear mother…

Yes, things were going for the better between the Iron Man and Cap’…But not between you and him.

You avoided every missions with him, and vice versa. You made sure to never cross his path whenever he hanged around the Avengers’ Tower. You even went quite a bit out of your way (and by that I mean literally taking one of your brother’s suit to escape through the sky) whenever there was even a slight chance he could be around.

You couldn’t see him. Face him. Because you betrayed his trust, you fought against him, and you just couldn’t…You couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, probably full of hatred, or at least disdain, distrust and animosity, towards you.

Because you were still in love with him. But what could you have done ? Fight against your brother instead ? Against the only family you had left ? Besides, he lied too. He knew Bucky was responsible (but not really because he was brainwashed into doing it) for your parent’s death, and withdrew this information from both you and Tony. You two had every right to be mad…and yet, you couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Because ultimately, you agreed with him more than with your brother. You were against signing that contract that bound you to the government’s will. But…It was your brother. Your only family. And even though you were head over heels for Steve, you just couldn’t fight against your own brother.

And so for him, for Tony, you ended the only serious relationship you ever had, you left the only man you ever loved.

****************

Sitting on the floor in front of one of the gigantic window in the Avengers’ tower common room, you sighed as you thought once again (for the billion times in a year) about all this ordeal.

It has been a year, a year exactly today, since you told Steve you would stand by your brother, since you had to fight him and his friends. Your friends too…Could you say ex-friends ? You still talked to Natasha and Clint. To Wanda too. And Sam. Hell, the you even spoke to Bucky a few times in those last few weeks…The only one you never talked to was also the only one you really wanted to talk to.

You were looking at NYC skyline when you heard footsteps behind you…and completely ignored it. You were so not in the mood to talk right now.

-You still don’t use chairs or couches I see.

That voice. Did you just dream it ? It was a voice you longed for so much…You don’t turn around, and your heart beat faster at the sound of his steps getting closer and closer.

He’s right next to you. It’s him, you’re sure of it. But…Is he real ? Or is your mind playing some sort of mean trick on you ? You raise a hand and touch his calf…Oh God, he is real, and you just totally did a really weird thing.

You don’t see the guy for a year, and what is the first thing you do ? Touch his fucking calf…His goddamned extremely muscular calf.

You hear him chuckle and…Oh you missed his laugh. He sits down next to you, and there is no doubt now that he is really here.

He smiles shyly at you, and you find yourself mute. There’s so much you want to say, but nothing comes out. He speaks first :

-I half-expected you to leave as soon as you heard my voice…I gotta say, as always, you’re unpredictable. Was definitely not expecting the calf grabbing thing.

You mumble an answer that he thinks is along the line of : “I was making sure you were real”, but he isn’t sure, because 1. It sounds weird (why wouldn’t he be real ?) and 2. you speak so lowly and unintelligibly that you could have totally said something entirely different.

A silence installs itself, and surprisingly to the both of you, it’s not an awkward one. You’re just both sitting down, in front of the beautiful city skyline view, not saying anything, throwing some glances at each other when you think the other one isn’t watching (but none of you could fool the other, you both caught each glances you gave each others). You finally find the courage to talk :

-Why were you expecting me to leave ?

-Well…You have been avoiding me…I mean. I understand why. At first. But…Things have gotten better between all of us, the Avengers, in that past few months and…Well, I just wanted to see you, but you seemed to evade me whenever I got close.

-I..I wasn’t avoiding you.

-And you think I’m gonna buy that ? (Y/N), I might be from another century, and often lost in your modern World, but I’m not stupid. I know how it looks when someone is avoiding you. You were avoiding me.

-No I wasn’t.

-Yes, you were. Stop being so stubborn.

-I’m a Stark, it’s in my genes to be stubborn.

-Unfortunately. But even your brother talked to me…

Another silence. This time, awkward and heavy. What could you tell him ? That you just couldn’t face him in fear that he would be cold toward you ? Or just because the thought of not being with him, not being his anymore, was just unbearable ? So you’d rather avoid him, than suffering ? You just couldn’t. He would think you a fool. He would think you were a pathetic piece of…His voice cuts your trail of thoughts :

-I missed you.

It takes you by surprise. What ? He wasn’t suppose to say things like this, things that made your heart race as much as the first time he asked you out. He was suppose to hate you, to distrust you because you betrayed him. You were getting mad at him, because you just didn’t know how to react to such a statement, and you hated not knowing how to react. You were a Stark after all, nothing caught you off-guard ! Or…Almost nothing. It seemed like a certain Cap’ always did somehow. Always. Since the first day you met him.

He shifts next to you, clearly uncomfortable, and you feel his eyes fixed on you…But you don’t turn your head to look at him.

-Aren’t you gonna say something ?

His voice is unsure, it doesn’t have the confident tone he usually convey, the assured intonations, and you wonder why he feels like so. But you still don’t look at him.

-I’m sorry. I really am (Y/N), please, say something.

Sorry ? You’re the one that is supposed to be sorry, the one that betrayed his trust, his love…The one that broke up with him to stand by your brother.

-Is…Is it because there’s someone else ?

Those words finally make you turn your head to look at him, and what you see almost break you. The great and powerful Captain America, right now, looks weak, beaten down, worried…heartbroken. Why does he look heartbroken ?

-What ?

Is the only thing you find to say. Stupidly at that. With your mouth open, and eyes wide. You must look ridiculous…It’s his turn to avoid your gaze, and he says :

-It’s alright. If there’s someone else I mean. I was stupid enough to let you go. I deserve it.

What the hell was he doing ? His words confused you, because in your head, you accepted a long time ago that there was no hope to ever get back with him.

-I see you’re back at the “not saying anything” point…I…I probably should go.

Go ? No. No he cannot go ! You have so much to tell him ! Apologies to throw at him. A declaration of love, too. And…Once again you cannot say anything. But it’s not because no words come from  your mouth that you cannot do anything. As he starts to stand up, you grab his wrist and pull him back down. He looses his balance, and falls on top of you, catching himself with his hands in extremis so as not to crush you…but you don’t even care about that. Without even realizing it, without even knowing what you’re doing, you grab the back of his neck and drag his lips down to yours.

He doesn’t react at first, and for a millisecond, you’re afraid he changed his mind, you start to regain your senses and to be scared that…He responds. Eagerly. Passionately.  

He rolls on his back, and brings you with him so that you’re now on top of him…because you can rest all your weight on him without hurting him the slightest, you can just lay on him while he can’t do it without crushing you. Besides, it gives him better access to your mouth, your neck…One of his hand is in your hair, the other resting your waist, near the small of your back, while yours are on each sides of his face.

It last a long time. You don’t even notice the tears streaming down your face until he pulls away because he can feel them wetting his cheeks…He sits up, worried, his arms still around you, you sitting in his lap.

-Are…Are you ok ? Listen if there really is someone else and I…

-There’s no one else you idiot, only you. It has always been only you. I’m just...happy.

He cannot hold the sigh of relief escaping his mouth, but still bites nervously his bottom lips (the taste of your lips and saliva still lingers on it, and he’s distracted by it for a minute…you think it’s extremely hot, the way he always kinda bite his lips when nervous). His voice shaking a bit, he says :

-I…I’m glad. I…There’s a million things I want to tell you…That I’m sorry, that I shouldn’t have let you go, I should’ve fight, stayed, I…there’s a million things I want to tell you…

You shush him up by putting your index finger on his lips (he cannot stop himself from kissing said finger lightly, making you smile) and you say :

-Ssshh. There’s also a million things I want to tell you. But not now. Later. For now…Just…I love you.

-I love you too (Y/N). Forever. And I mean it, I…

-Sshhh…Later.

Your lips connect with his once again, and for the first time in a year…

You feel happy. He’s here. He’s back. He loves you. You love him.

There’s a millions things you have to tell each other, but for now, a kiss (an especially passionate one at that) will do just fine.

[tripleheadedmonkey-blog]

The importance of Mono Mixing in a stereo world: How to approach stereo width enhancement decisions.

Hey all! Thought for this 3rd feature I would follow on from one of my previous posts. Specifically the one about expanding the stereo field using differing left and right EQ's. The first piece of advice I have for you is probably the most important, but one of the least mentioned facts of mixing, mastering.

If you don't start with good, clean samples and sounds then there is absolutely no way to end up with a good quality result. unless you are doing extreme subtractive synthesis using EQ's/Filters to carve these into new, clean samples of course. But this then becomes resampling and goes back to sound design, rather than mixing/mastering. Your mixing and mastering process, in general, should be put on hold until after your design stage is complete at the very least.

There is very little point trying to mix/master a project, unless you are bouncing a demo/preview, if you aren't finished building upon it. It only creates unpredictable gain staging in your sets trying to mix through Expanders/compressors/limiters, which although sometimes creatively useful, is usually only going to cause you to have to expend more effort than otherwise necessary trying to clean it up later. There are a number of techniques and plugins available out there for increasing width of the stereo field of your projects quickly and efficiently. However without proper understanding, of how these plugins and techniques work theoretically and of the results that they achieve in both mid and side ranges, it is difficult to apply these effects without accidentally creating some noticeable problem areas in your mix.

For example using effects like  the "Haas" effect, which relies on multiple identical audio channels each being slightly delayed from the original by a few ms, whilst definitely increasing the stereo field, can cause the entire mix to be a garbled, unintelligible mess when played through a mono speaker system, like those in many clubs. Worse still, the effect can occur simply based on the positioning of the listener in a room relative to the speakers/monitors. So even when played out of a stereo sound system it requires a listeners full attention and that they not move for the duration, to appreciate the piece as it was intended. That isn't to say that you should never use the Haas effect because of this. Just that its not intended for use in that way. Rather it's been misinterpreted as a form of stereo widening, when in reality it is more of a spatial positioning technique. It's probably more accurate to say that the haas effect, by giving sounds a spatial position in the mix, has the unintended consequence of increasing stereo width.

If you are using this technique, specifically to widen your mix, you are unintentionally shrinking, adding phase and completely unbalancing your mixes mono frequencies whilst doing so, in the majority of cases.

This brings me back to the title of this post. The importance of mixing in mono. Obviously one wishes to achieve as wide a mix as possible without losing clarity in the middle. So why would somebody choose to mix in mono? That is because the better the mix is in mono, the better it will sound in stereo as a side, pardon the pun, effect. The same can't be said in reverse however. If a mix sounds good in stereo it may not sound good in mono. Basically, mixing in mono guarantees that your project will be as clear as possible on both stereo and mono equipment. If you hadn't mixed in mono and tried to play it out through a mono speaker system like, as I mentioned previously, in many clubs then you are relying on pure luck as to whether the results will be accurate to what you intended.

So make sure that you are, at the very least, checking your mixes in mono if not mixing in mono for best results on all sound systems. Every time you make an adjustment to the stereo width/field of your audio make sure it hasn't adjusted other elements unintentionally. You can do this quite easily in my DAW of choice Ableton’s Live 10 using the utility plugin in order to force it into mono.

In one of my next posts, after I do some more focused research myself, I shall go over some more techniques for increasing stereo width without creating phase issues. I will also seek out a free plugin capable of forcing a track to be in mono which can be used on other DAWs.  Hope you enjoyed reading! Check out the 2nd feature of this week on my youtube page and get a couple of free plugins a long the way too: How to increase clarity and width of vocals quickly in Ableton's Live 10 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gW8L9GelYjY& And here is a quick and easy to use plugin for creating and manipulating the Haas effect: https://www.vennaudio.com/quick-haas/