#so julie just thought he was done with her and so stayed heartbroken in new york

[thedeathdeelers]

idk i feel like we’ve already talked about this (we did!! it’s here!! by the lovely @mac-lilly) but a sweet home alabama-ish juke au. yknow. childhood friends to lovers to strangers to enemies to lovers again

mostly for this scene:

“nice dress,” he shouts over the rain and the sound of waves crashing against the shore. “where’s your husband?” he barely throws a glance at her, his eyes quickly averting back to his task at hand — burying the rods deeper i to the sand.

julie is drenched from head to toe, her wedding dress ruined, her hair a nightmare — her make up is probably leaking all over her face, and her feet are aching. but as she gets ready to give him her answer, she can’t help but smile — a genuine one.

“i’m looking at him,” she says simply.

luke stops moving, his back to her as his arms hang on either side of the metal rod he was now gripping with a little more force than necessary.

for a moment neither of them say anything, with only the sound of nature roaring around them.

it represented them well — the pouring rain, the crashing waves; the thunderous clouds and blinding lightning: it was a lot, all-encompassing and overwhelming.

their love was a force of nature, and they both knew it.

luke slowly turns around, hands dropping to his sides.

“what are you talking about?” his eyes scan the darkened area behind her, trying to spot the blond head he knows will inevitably pop up. “where’s nick?” he finally asks when he fails to see him.

“he’s not here, luke,” she says, taking a step towards him. luke’s eyes are back on her, as he watches her warily. what was she up to? torturing him until the last minute?

“he left for new york an hour ago.”

just hearing the name of the city that had become julie’s new home reminds luke why he had tried so hard to guard his heart.

he nods brusquely at julie, walking past her as he shouts over his shoulder.

“you should hurry and catch up to him — wouldn’t want to miss your wedding night.” he grimaces as the words leave his mouth, instantly regretting it.

he sounded petty. and he also definitely didn’t want to picture julie on her wedding night with someone…..that wasn’t him.

luke stops to pick up his equipment off the ground, shaking his head as he digs around in the sand to make sure he doesn’t leave anything behind.

“i’m not joining him.”

luke stops moving, his fingers freezing mid-search as her words slowly sink in.

she couldn’t-

she didn’t-

“we didn’t get married, luke.”

her words hit him like a bag of bricks, dropping everything he had picked up as he slowly straightens up, his back still to her.

he takes in a deep breath- and another, eyes closed and fists clenched as he tries to squash down the hope that stubbornly started rising up in his chest.

“why not?”

“apparently,” she starts, her voice slowly getting closer. “…we’re still married.”

luke’s eyes snap open at her statement, swirling around to find her standing only a few feet away.

“still married? but i signed the papers, just like you asked me to.”

“yeah well turns out…i kinda forgot to.” she shrugs, shoulders moving up and down as a small smile makes its way on her face.

“forgot?” he asks incredulously. “forgot?”

luke groans as he rakes his fingers through his hair, letting out a humourless laugh.

“julie,” he says, eyes on hers. “what do you want?”

“you,” she answers simply. “you were my first kiss,” she continues, taking a step closer. “and i want you to be the last.”

that throws him off for a second, recalling a time when they were kids and julie had told him the exact same thing.

they were older now- things were different…right?

luke just shakes his head to clear it, and asks again.

“no i mean- what do you want to be married to me for anyway? wasn’t nick what you were always looking for?”

julie shakes her head as her smile turns blinding, taking a step towards him, and then another, until she was crowding him, standing in his space.

“so i can kiss you whenever i want.”

she grabs his drench collar, and pulls, until he was only inches away.

“and no luke, it was always you.”

[bitchinbarzal]

Vancouver | J.Hughes

summary: after a hurtful breakup he never thought he’d hear her voice again.

not entirely sure what this is but have it anyway

-

Through high school and all the junior clubs he went through, Jack stayed devoted to you and your relationship.

It surprised a lot of people. He was the supposed heartbreaker and player of the group of friends but he proved everyone wrong.

It all went downhill after the draft.

You’d been alongside him when he was drafted, cheering the loudest alongside his family. You were so proud of him.

He wasn’t like Quinn, he didn’t want to take time out or go slow into his career. When he heard first pick it went straight to his head.

It hurt to see what he became right infront of your eyes. He made the move straight to Jersey, threw himself into the team and proving himself to the organisation while pushing you away in the meantime.

The breakup was slow and he was oblivious. You’d stayed in Michigan after he left so the phone calls got fewer and fewer, you stop flying out to visit so much and even stopped hanging out with his family.

It became final when you flew out to Jersey to watch a game. He hadn’t done much with you being there and when the weekend ended and you had your bags packed you held onto him for just a little longer.

“Goodbye J” you mumbled, a slight crack in your voice.

“I’ll see you in a couple weeks at the red wings game, right? No need to be upset babe”

You shook your head “No, Jack I- I don’t think I can do this any longer”

“What? What are you talking about?”

He reached out for your hand but you pulled away

“I lost you Jack-“ “I’m right here! What are you on about?”

You were trying so hard not to get upset “I lost you, the real you, my Jack back in Vancouver. The day you became Jack Hughes the devil I lost you”

He had been rendered speechless, stumbling back a few steps.

“Goodbye Jack”

No reply. Just the sound of your suitcase wheels squeaking out the door for the last time.

He was heartbroken.

The days, weeks, months following he reflected on everything that had happened since he had been drafted.

Maybe you were right.

He’d tried filling the void with random party girls, set ups and dating app girls but nothing ever came close.

His family saw you around still. You went to lunch with Luke oftentimes but he never told Jack about it.

You’d told him that you’d dropped out of college and signed a record deal. You were finally getting your dream of creating music, being a voice and being heard.

“We’re really proud of you - all of us. We’re just really sorry”

“Everything happens for a reason Lu, I’m okay”

The first song you produced hit number one on the charts days after it’s release, it was all over social media.

It was the off season and the Hughes’ were all home at the lake house with their friends. Fourth of July, everyone was over.

Someone had brought out a speaker to the deck, tuning in the radio and turning up the volume to the max volume.

“and next up we have a brand new artist on the scene, she’s still young but she’s already broken the internet with her sound. this is vancouver by y/n y/l/n”

Everyone quietened down, some throwing glances Jack’s way as the music began.

He looked straight at the speaker as if it were you standing there.

He never thought he’d hear your voice again.

“-but I lost you in vancouver, it’s still so cold”

“I lost you when the devil got a hold”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe mid way through the song, standing up to excuse himself. He broke down in the living room still hearing your voice in the background.

Ellen rushed in behind him, holding onto him from the back whispering “It’s okay, you’re okay sweetheart”

“Mom-“ “I know baby, I know it’s okay”

He wasn’t the same that summer and returned to Jersey sooner than planned just throwing himself into work.

The season opener brought plenty questions from the media

“Jack, you signed a huge contract this off season. How do you feel? What’s the plan?”

“Um yeah, I mean I think I just gotta keep my head down and prove to the organisation we can continue what we started back in Vancouver, I lost a lot to get to this point and I’m gonna make sure it wasn’t for nothing. I’ve got a lot of people behind me to support so I just gotta do what I can”

At home, you sat watching the interview

“I’ll always be behind you J, you got this”

[petty-crush]

Notes from a tribute to Roger Corman

-on July 29th 2024 a double feature was shown at the New Beverly, paying tribute to the recently departed Roger Corman (he produced both)

-the films were “Brain Dead”(1990) and “The Unborn” (1991).

-In between the films both directors of said films (Adam Simon and Rodman Flender, respectively) shared stories and memories

-both cheerfully admitting to loving David Cronenberg, whose prescience is all over their movies

-both actually knew each other quite well, and collaborated on each other’s work

-Flender mentioned how when he went to Harvard he regularly tried to show films like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” which was cancelled by the facility as it “lowered the aesthetic standards of the program”

-Flender and Simon were never compelled to do artistic wanks inspired by the French new wave or documentaries (which they accuse their classmates of giving into like pigs into shit)

-Flender submitted his student short to Corman. He flew to California (on his own dime). Corman asked if he knew marketing. Flender responded in the negative. Next week he was made head director of international marketing

-Simon had also only done a student short, but was given a chance to direct by Corman(eventually)

-Simon alluded to being fired from a picture by Stallone (he was vague and often didn’t have the microphone close enough to his mouth)

-Simon went home dejected only to see an envelope on his desk. It contained a script Charles Beaumont had written for Corman in the 1960s, but was never made

-Simon loved Beaumont (and the script felt notably Philip k Dick like, another big inspiration)and was blown away he was given the chance to direct it

-Simon mentioned how Julia Roberts auditioned for the female lead, wanting it so bad she hung around the set for a week even after another actress got the part (Simon felt the age gap between her and star Bill Pullman broke credibility)

-Simon laughed at how, for a year after Roberts broke big, Corman would (good naturedly) tease him about that every chance he got

-both Flender and Simon noted how Corman gave each director a list of rules and guidelines before their first film

-including don’t do more than two takes, don’t ask the camera guy how the shot was (“camera men always want another take”), only so many set ups a day are possible, don’t sit down, if a actor has a question- answer with comments on character, and others they forgot in the moment

-Flender cheekily noted Corman didn’t always follow his own advice. When he assistant directed re-shoots for “Frankenstein Unbound” (Corman’s last film) Roger did one take then directly asked the camera man what he thought!

-Flender noted how excited he was to receive the lecture from Corman on directing (he had only heard bits before) but when it came time, Corman noted “I’ve said this speech so many times I’m tired of hearing my own voice. You know what I want” (Flender was a little heartbroken)

-Simon noted how the same year that “Brain Dead” came out, so did “Sex, Lies, and Videotape”; which ushered in an explosion of independent cinema, which took the shine off of new Corman proteges (unlike the wave that produced Joe Dante, John Sayles, etc).

+He bears no grudges

-“Brain Dead” was originally called “Paranoia” but test audiences didn’t understand it or thought it said “Piranha”

-Flender noted how they showed the films for audiences at the Peppertree Cinemas in LA

-hilariously, they just emptied out a screening for another film (in “The Unborn”’s case, “Lionheart” with Van Damne) which caused a third of the audience to just leave

-“but really, that two thirds that stayed, that didn’t care that it wasn’t the film they came to see…I couldn’t imagine a better audience to test your picture against” [Flender]

-Flender noted how they never asked the audience to write down responses, they just watched them (which scenes caused members to wander down the aisles, which moments created unwanted laughs, which horror sections caused screams, etc)

-Simon had a funny moment where Corman, with withered patience, insisted that “Brain Dead” go from 91 minutes to 87 minutes, as the latter was exactly four reels, which saved shipping costs

-“Roger told me ‘Adam, if it was 110 minutes I would let it go. But you’ll survive those lost four minutes’” [Simon]

-Flender was asked by Corman to think of a new film company name, so that he could release additional pictures outside of his exclusive contract with MGM/UA

-“Roger was insistent it have a hard c name, to give it gravitas. ‘Like Cadillac?’ ‘Exactly!’” [Flender]

+(it was eventually called Califilm Pictures)

-Simon had a mild panic attack on his first day, the realization that this wa his big non student break.

-“I went over to Pullman, and totally forgot my comment. I whispered in his ear and admitted my memory lapse. He just looked at me, nodded his head, said ‘Got it’ like I knew what I was talking about. What a guy” [Simon]

-Corman liked what Simon had done and offered him “Body Chemistry” (an erotic thriller). Simon declined and pursued a project with John Landis that didn’t happen (never specified)

-“I went back to Roger, who was smiling, noting that I technically owed him two more films on my three picture contract. I asked what he had for me. With a bigger smile he raised his fingers and said ‘Body Chemistry II’” [Simon]

-Felder noted “what a honor” it was to be the B Film in a tribute to Roger Corman

-both laughed and quickly noted how Corman really didn’t think (or like) of them as B Films, at least in the classic sense of bring the 2nd less important picture on a double bill

-Wrapping it up, Simon and Felder noted how many Corman meant to them, as an inspiration, mentor, and as a film lover. It capsized an genuine sense of joy they felt for the man

Fuck the flowers, they gave him his fruit baskets

[anasticep]

Why Julie and the Phantoms is a masterpiece of a show. Part 1 of 3

· NOTE: if somehow you happen to like my gifs, please, feel free to use them. But, please, don’t crop or change.

· NOTE 2: This meta has been flourishing in my mind for quite a long time, but it was @catty-words meta on Perfect Harmony that inspired me to actually put it all on paper

· NOTE 3: I planned two parts of this, but ended up with far more gifs than a post allows. I dunno. Not sure if anyone will actually be interested in this rumbling. Probably it won’t even be a new and outstanding thinking. I’ll see how it goes.

What sets a good show apart? I’ll tell you exactly this: the pilot and the finale.

Whether it’s a season finale or a grand finale, it doesn’t matter for a scenario. People tend to forget the middle, that’s why all we remember about LOST is this weird full of dead people church that simply left the fans heartbroken. But frankly speaking, LOST ended so much better then most modern shows. And honestly I get why it’s so hard to keep track on things after 6 years and such a long row of characters. That’s why making a season in one take is so much better, when writers do not depend on what the fans think or like or ship. They simply do their job.

Do I need to say that our brain clearly remembers everything we throw at it? We think we forget, but that’s not quite true. That’s also the reason how we distinguish what we like and dislike – we remember all the small things and foreshadowing. Also that’s why we keep re-watching the shows we love: we simply acknowledge what our brain already knows. We simply find that thread that links everything together.

And they can be simple things. But first on what made this script a masterpiece for me: first and last scenes in the studio (+some things from 0102 band circle scene of 0109).

1. The Studio Intro

In 0101 Julie hesitates to go in the garage. She was reluctant to go in the first place. It signifies everything she’s lost: mother, music, voice. She inhales deeply, steadying herself. She can do this.

In 0109 it’s quite the opposite. She wanted to go there even though she knew the guys had already crossed over. Now this place signifies everything she gained back and more: music, voice, friends and, of course, a way back to her mother. She did it.

And this is a perfect visual explanation of the line “It’s not what you lost, it’s what you gain raising your voice to the rain”

2. The Band Intro

Can you see it the way I see it? It’s not a coincidence, it’s been done on purpose. Julie is mortified both times but for completely different reasons. In 0101 she is scared OF them. In 0109 she is scared FOR them. It’s so heartbreakingly beautiful it even hurts.

3. Personal space

In 0101 Julie and Luke are both scared of each other. See that extra step she did to push him away? Or the way he acts as if Julie is really a witch that could curse him? And who needs any personal space in 0109? These scenes show their journey in the best way possible.

4. You have to leave

In 0101 after accepting the fact that she was sane enough and these three ghosts really existed Julie is simply annoyed. She orders them to leave. She doesn’t what them to exist in her life. She has no time to deal with these dead cute boys. She wants them gone.

In 0109 after acknowledging that their plan has failed she also wants them gone. She orders them to leave again. But she wants to save them and for now that’s the only way she can think of. It’s better than not existing at all, even if it means not existing in her life.

And just look at the directing. The shots are almost twins! Julie mimics the scene from 0101 almost entirely, although it hits on a different level. I don't exactly know why it makes me so excited, probably I'm just very tired of mediocre scripts.

5. Maybe she’s a witch

I’m sure she is at least to some extent. It’s such a wonderful foreshadowing. I hope in season 2 we'll find out more but I think the perception on this in "Feels like I’ve opened my eyes again" by @pink-flame is very close if not almost entirely accurate to what I thought about season 2 and all this magic thing. Such a masterpiece of a fanfiction btw, I wish I found the show sooner and was reading it chapter by chapter. One of the best things I've read so far in any fandom.

6. Attached to our souls & 7. She's warming up to us

Do I need to say much? That’s the magic Julie has: her love for these boys. They are attached to her soul.

8. We had nowhere else to go

To think about it, they didn’t need Julie’s permission to stay in the first place. Like… How on earth would she even get rid of them? But that’s what defined these friendship from the start. They asked for permission in 0101 and in 0109 Luke’s words are almost apologetic that they ended up in her garage again.

9. I'm sorry we came into your life

Again, look at how both episodes have been shot. 0101 they stand apart, not knowing anything about each other yet. They both are not very comfortable with the whole situation and Luke voices what Julie might be thinking: why me? In 0109 Julie answers her past self that it was a blessing and a miracle. They are the closest they've ever got to be and the most sincere.

10. I have space for only one more gif and I'm simply fond of this parallel. We need a Witch!Julie AU)))))

________________________

Due to the pics limit I have to stop here. But there is so much more to say. So stay tuned to see Parts two and three if you liked this one. God, I hope you did

[pink-flame]

Juke Bodyguard AU Pt.3

Here it is! The third and final part of the Juke Bodyguard AU inspired by your requests from the trope game. I reserve the right to do a standalone in this universe at some point but this wraps things up nicely for now. Enjoy! 

Part 1

Part 2

Bodyguard AU + Love Confessor (Character A confessing their love for Character B to Character C)  

Julie was used to change.

Bad change like when her mom got sick and she had to learn who she was when she couldn’t see it reflected back at her through her mother’s eyes. Bad change like when music felt like a stranger and everything she had ever wanted seemed suddenly pointless.

Good change like when she found her way back to it with a vengeance, Alex and her dad and Reggie and Carlos and Flynn refusing to give up until she started chasing her dream again. Good change like when against all odds those dreams actually started coming true, the record deal, and the hit albums and now her first national tour, a new city every night.

What she wasn’t used to was waiting for a change that didn’t seem to be coming.

She had been so sure after what she now internally referred to as “the flu incident” that things between her and Luke would change. That their vaguely flirty dynamic would transition naturally into more flu incident level expressions of affection and then a love confession, marriage and 2-3 obnoxiously good looking babies. Not right away on those last two or anything but still.

And yet here they were, three months and 24 shows later, and they were right back in vaguely flirty territory. Only she was finding it harder and harder to flirt back now that the realization that flirting was all it might ever be started to sink in.

And maybe that was the way it was supposed to be.

After all, he was her bodyguard. She was technically his boss.

She was a strong, independent woman with a thriving music career. She didn’t need some floppy haired boy to complete her life.

Didn’t stop her from wanting him though.

She didn’t bother to go to Alex for advice since he was firmly on what he had taken to calling “Team Juke”. Reggie wasn’t much better, asking her if Luke was there every time she called and never believing her when she told him she was alone. So she did what she always did when she needed someone to tell her the harsh truth.

She called Flynn.

“Look, girl, I haven’t met him but I’ve seen him on tv hovering behind you so I get it. He’s so your type. But he’s not real. He’s a fantasy you can get invested in because you know nothing will ever come of it.”

“It could,” She grumbled into the phone.

“Are you planning on confessing that you’re madly in love with him any time soon?” Flynn countered pointedly.

“I can’t,” Julie answered quickly. “Not when it’s so obvious he doesn’t feel the same.”

“Then he’ll always be a fantasy. He’s like air.”

Julie sighed.

“Cute air.”

“You wouldn’t have called me if you weren’t tired of feeling like this,” Flynn insisted. “I’m not going to let you get your heartbroken. And right now you’re on tour with Luke. So the key is avoiding those big, beautiful, dangerous eyes.”

And as much as the idea of avoiding Luke, eyes and all, seemed ridiculous when he was literally paid to follow her around, she knew she had to give it a try.

Because Flynn was right.

If she couldn’t have him then she couldn’t let him consume her life.

She was sure she would get a great song out of the situation one day but for now she just needed to pull back a little until she could see him as just a coworker she was friendly with. She could do that. Right? Of course she could. She was Julie Molina.

Only it was easier said than done.

Because Luke did not seem to take the hint.

She came stumbling off the stage after a particularly epic encore, vision blurry from the blinding lights, every muscle weak from hours of exertion, yet feeling incredible. At least she was feeling incredible until she tripped over her own unstable feet and Luke was right there, like he always was, to catch her. His hands latched onto her forearms gently, steadying her even as he grinned directly and dangerously into her eyes.

“You ok there, Boss?”

Julie managed a nod, the pounding of her heart combined with the still echoing roar of the crowd leaving his voice sounding far away and yet annoyingly clear.

“They were loving you out there,” He told her in that specific, Luke way. “You were amazing, Jules. Insane, spectacular, rad!”

This guy and his insistence on using slang from two decades ago. She definitely didn’t find that endearing.

She had to stick to the plan.

Julie ducked her head and pushed back from his grip gently at the same time.

“Thanks.”

She glanced up just long enough to see a confused and slightly hurt look on his face before she pushed past him and headed towards the green room, Alex falling into step next to her.

“Are we going to talk about why you just kicked that helpless puppy over there?” Alex asked.

Julie punched him in the arm.

“Keep your voice down, he’s right behind us! And that helpless puppy is literally the very capable bodyguard tasked with keeping me alive, so.”

“So you admit you kicked him,” Alex responded in a completely unhelpful manner.

“Ugh, shut up,” Julie groaned, glancing back and catching Luke’s eager eyes for a split second before quickly facing forward again. “I have a plan.”

“Flynn has a plan,” Alex corrected. “A stupid plan that she never would have suggested if she had seen for herself how crazy he is about you.”

“Has he said that?” She turned her head towards her best friend sharply.

Alex tilted his head.

“Not in so many words but Julie…”

“Then we stick to the plan.” She interrupted determinedly.

Alex sighed.

“Idiots, I’m surrounded by idiots.”

A couple of weeks later, Julie was starting to think he was right.

She had been doing her best to keep her relationship with Luke strictly business and it was somehow more exhausting than the two shows a week and all the time spent trying to sleep in a tour bus cot. She pretended to be busy when he offered to work on a song. She said she was tired when he tried to get her to join him for a beer with the roadies. She pretended she didn’t see him trying to catch her eye during the thousand little moments during the day when she had grown used to making eye contact with him to laugh at something Alex had said or roll their eyes when her manager tried to talk her into something completely dumb.

It was exhausting.

And the thing was it wasn’t even working.

Because every sad, kicked puppy look (as Alex called it) he gave her only left her more distracted and in more emotional turmoil. Part of her was a little mad at him. How dare he look so hurt that she wasn’t playing their usual game when he clearly didn’t want anything more? She wasn’t just a convenient outlet for his excessive flirting energy. But mostly she was just mad at herself for thinking that this ludicrous plan could ever work.

She had thought he was trouble since the moment she met him.

And she was definitely in trouble now.

It was the night of the last show of the tour and they were back in LA to finish things off. Flynn was too sick to come (ironically she thought she had the flu) but Julie’s family were out there in the VIP section. Even Reggie had come down from San Francisco to catch the show.

Julie was feeling oddly nervous for some reason. She had grown up dreaming of playing the Orpheum. It was the smallest venue she was playing on the whole tour, her manager had tried to talk her out of it, but she had insisted it was the Orpheum or nothing. Reggie and Alex had taken her to so many shows there when she was a teenager, it’s where she had discovered rock. Somehow even after everything she knew it wouldn’t fully feel like she’d achieved her dreams until she played there. It was time. Only she had finally made it there and she felt like she was going to throw up.

She wanted desperately to seek Luke out so he could tell some dumb joke to distract her or give her one of his borderline too intense pep talks. But she wasn’t doing that anymore. In fact she had insisted he go take his break now before the show, promising not to leave her green room just to keep herself from giving in to the urge.

“You doing alright there, Jules? You look kind of green.”

Julie spun on her heels and barreled directly into her big brother’s arms.

“Oof!” He huffed as she knocked the air from his lungs, his arms still coming up to wrap around her despite his shock. “You ok?”

“I’m fine,” She told him, her voice muffled as she buried her face against his chest. “It’s just that it’s the Orpheum and you know what that means to me, and the whole family is here to see me play and I’m so nervous and I’m missing Mom and I’m totally in love with my dumb bodyguard.”

Reggie pushed her back by the shoulders until he could see her blotchy face.

He reached up to ruffle her hair affectionately.

“First of all, Flynn and I totally called it,” He said with a smirk. “And Alex swears the two of you have taken ten years off of his life with your stupidity.”

“Alex talks too much,” Julie grumbled. “And Flynn is the one who told me to stay away from his annoyingly pretty eyes to begin with.”

“That’s only because she wants you to be happy. So do I by the way. And this?” He waved his hand to indicate her current state. “I hate to break it to you, Jules, but this isn’t happy.”

Julie sighed as her shoulders sagged and all of the fight went out of her at once.

“I know,” She said defeatedly. “But what am I supposed to do? I can’t force my feelings on the guy especially when I’m his boss. That’s creepy on top of being pathetic.”

“Funny,” Alex broke in from the doorway. “That’s exactly what he just said to me.”

Julie just gaped at him for a few long seconds while Reggie and Alex exchanged amused yet exasperated looks.

“Wait...what did he say exactly?” Julie finally managed to get out.

Alex rolled his eyes.

“Oh you know, ‘What did I do? Why is Julie mad at me? I’m so in love with her do you think she figured it out? Did I come off as a creep? Do you think she’ll have my babies?’”

Julie felt her mouth drop open.

“Dude!” Reggie protested.

“Ok, so the last part was more implied than said directly,” Alex admitted.

“But he said he loves me?” Julie asked hurriedly.

“Yeah,” Alex confirmed. “I’ve been telling you he does for months by the way, but nobody listens to me.”

Julie ignored her best friend’s statement and sprinted for the door.

“Where are you going?” Reggie called after her.

“You go on in ten!” Alex added frantically.

“I’ll make it!” She shouted back without slowing down.

She ran down the hallway, dodging makeup artists and promoters and so many people she’d wanted to impress just a few minutes before. There was only one person she wanted to see at that moment.

Julie kept going until she found the exit that led to the alley outside and burst through it. Luke felt caged in if he was inside for too long, something about living in a garage for a year as a teen. He stuck by her side and did his job perfectly but any chance he got she knew he could be found breathing in the fresh air and feeling like his lungs could fully expand. Sure enough, there he was, leaning against the probably filthy wall humming some song that she knew would be amazing if he ever really gave it life.

He stood straight and took two steps towards her as soon as she emerged from the door, a look of concern immediately taking over his features.

“Julie? What are you doing out here? You’re about to go on…”

She closed the distance between them and stopped just a half step closer than she normally would, her sudden proximity shutting him up for a moment.

She just looked up at him for a few seconds, just to enjoy it after weeks of denying herself. He broke the eye contact first, chuckling awkwardly as he looked down briefly.

“What?”

“Can you do me a favor?” She asked seriously.

He answered instantly.

“Anything, Julie, you know that.”

“Tell me what you just told Alex.”

His face drained of color, almost ghost like in appearance.

“He promised he wouldn’t say anything,” He mumbled.

Julie shrugged.

“He probably wouldn’t have if he hadn’t walked in on me telling my brother pretty much the same thing.”

Luke’s eyes widened comically as he took in her words.

“You told your brother that I did something to make you hate me and that I don't know what it is and it’s eating me up inside?” He asked in confusion.

“I told him I love you,” She said bluntly, all the bravery she had inherited from her mom giving her the nerve. “And that I’ve been trying to distance myself from you because I didn’t think you felt the same.”

“That’s...that’s...Jules, that’s crazy!” He exclaimed, bouncing a little to emphasize his words. “I’m head over heels, crazy in love with you. Always have been.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked softly, managing to step even closer to him.

His eyes softened as he reached down to tuck one of her curls behind her ear.

“Because you’re my boss, and you’re totally out of my league. You’re this super talented, total force of nature. I mean you’re Julie Molina and I’m…”

“A big fan?” Julie interrupted, raising one eyebrow teasingly.

Luke froze.

“How did you…”

“I’ve been in your apartment, remember? When you had the flu I snooped a little. Sorry. The fact that you have my first album on vinyl is one thing but to have a cd of my first EP is really impressive. I didn’t know hard copies of that still existed…”

Like groaned.

“Ok, ok. You got me. I didn’t want you to think I was a pathetic fanboy, alright?”

Julie grinned.

“Isn’t that what you are?”

Luke smiled softly down at her, brushing the back of two fingers over her cheek.”

“Only for you, Boss.”

Julie instinctively stretched onto her toes, raising her face towards his, her eyes starting to flutter shut…

BANG

They sprang apart and spun to face Alex who had just emerged breathing heavily into the doorway behind them.

“You know no one is more Team Juke than I am but Julie you are going on in 2 minutes!”

“Oh crap,” Julie said. “I’m coming.”

Alex shot her a skeptical look.

Julie glared at him until he sighed and disappeared back inside.

“Team Juke?” Luke asked.

Julie giggled, already backing towards the door.

“Don’t ask. I’ve got to go but later we should talk about your future with the company.”

Luke’s eyebrows shot up.

“You’re firing me?”

Julie grinned.

“Well, I think we both might find your current duties a little too distracting. I think I need a stoic, middle aged man built like a linebacker. But we’ve been looking to hire a new songwriter to help me with the next album if you know anyone who might be interested.”

Luke grinned back.

“I might.”

He bit his lip and stared after her with those big, beautiful, dangerous eyes.

He was such trouble.

Julie ran back to him wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning up to a plant a quick kiss on his lips, pulling back before he could fully register what she was doing.

“Hold that thought,” She whispered with a smile before turning and running back through the door and towards the second dream come true of the night.

She was Julie Molina. She was about to play the Orpheum. She was in love with her bodyguard.

She was in trouble and she couldn’t be happier about it.

[adorethedistance]

Something to Lose - Luke Patterson X Covington!Reader

JATP masterlist

Requested: luke imagine idea so Luke’s old gf is dead and she’s calebs daughter and is trying to get him to stay with her instead of cross over and then he doenst show up in stand tall . I just had this idea and near had a fit trying to get it down love ur writing also 💖

Warnings: angst, a lot of crying, I don’t even think there’s swearing in this one.

Words: 2293

A/n: I hope I did the request justice. This was kinda stressful the entire time writing it just bc of all the ideas that came. Like I’d be writing and then my brain would be like ‘hey what if this happened’ and then I’m like ‘oh that’s evil. put it in the fic.’ you know?

I begin nervously playing with the tulle skirt of my above-the-knee length party dress. I wanted a mini but dad refused to let me be visible to ghosts and lifers in anything ‘revealing’, so we compromised on above the knee. It’s a pretty dress, the black long sleeves are sheer and the back is completely open, and that’s as scandalous as dad would allow. Ironic considering his dancers’ costumes are cut out fringe leotards and nude tights.

And speaking of dancers,

“Who was that?” I ask Francesca as she comes to stand next to me by the black music stands, branded with the infamous Hollywood Ghost Club logo.

“Who was who?”She takes a tiny sip of water and readjusts her massive blue and purple feather headdress. Dad always chooses the most extravagant costumes. Sometimes I wonder how they’re able to dance without falling over from being so… top heavy I guess?

“That guy you were dancing in front of in the denim coat?”

“What are you talking about? I was dancing in front of Willie.”

“Nice try, I know that was Angie. Maybe next time.” On the first day the girls set foot in the place they were such amazing dancers, dad invited them to perform front and center if they wanted to join the club. The downside was he could never tell them apart. I don’t know how though, they’re not indiscernibly identical. I made it my goal to always be able to tell them apart, and they made it their goal to get me to mix them up just once.

“We’re gonna get you one of these days.”

“Yeah, sure. But, uh, do you know who he is?”

“I don’t but maybe you will?”

“What?” Glancing up to Fran’s face she gives me a look and directs me with her eyes before smiling smugly and walking away. I follow her gaze to see my dad standing on the far side of their table, talking with the attractive stranger. His excitement makes his every movement animated and he can’t even seem to string a coherent sentence. Inviting them to sit down, dad starts saying something about Willie and magic? The conversation doesn’t last long and once he leaves, I debate whether or not to approach the handsome stranger.

“Who are we looking at?” I’m startled when I hear Angie’s voice in my right ear.

“Oh. The one at the front table in the denim overcoat.”

“You mean the one Franny was dancing in front of?”

“She already tried that.”

“Dammit!” I laugh at yet another failed attempt.

“I don’t even know why you guys bother anymore.”

“Whatever. Why are we staring at him?”

“I’m debating whether or not I should talk to him.” Angie sends me a look that says ‘have more faith in yourself’ which I gleefully ignore.

“Shoot your shot. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“My dad could interrupt and say something totally embarrassing. He wasn’t done talking to them, he just had to do rounds.”

“Girl, have you seen how many people are here tonight? He’s not gonna be done any time soon, so go while you still have some time!” Angie punctuates her sentence by gently pushing me forward, and I stumble in the direction of the cute stranger. The sudden jerky movement seems to catch his attention and his eyes soften once they meet mine. He smiles softly as a greeting and when I return the look, he takes that as an invitation to walk my way. I’m standing in the middle of the dance floor, frozen partially out of fear and partly out of curiosity.

“Hey, I’m Luke,” denim extends his hand politely and… extremely flusteredly? He sounds breathless and a touch fearful. I’m used to the energy as the club intimidates first-timers. I take his hand,

“Y/n.” Omitting my last name tends to do me a lot of good.

“Wow. That’s really pretty,”

“It’s nothing special.”

“You’re really pretty.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

“So, uh-“ he trails off in search of a conversation starter, “What brings you to the Hollywood Ghost Club?”

“Oh, you know... just uhm- just a night out.”

“Do you come to the Club a lot?”

“You could say that. It’s pretty much a second home.”

“Y/n, darling. There you are!” Luke watches my face drop from its pleasant ‘chatting with guests’ expression, to a relaxed almost-frown.

“Here I am.”

“And I see you’ve met Luke.”

“Yes sir.”

“I trust my daughter is keeping you in good company?”

“Your daughter?” Luke nearly chokes on the mystical air of the Hollywood Ghost Club.

“I did not choke!”

“You choked.” Luke and I argue over the details of how we met, in the backstage/dressing room area of the Club. It feels like lifetimes ago, but it wasn’t. And yet in such a short time, we had become completely infatuated and comfortable with one another. So much so that me wearing a floor-length evening gown and jewels doesn’t make me feel out of place with his jeans and flannel shirt.

Despite my light laughter, Luke’s face is fairly flat. He’s beginning to stare off into space, inattentive from our lull in the conversation.

“Hey, you okay?” He snaps back into reality.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You don’t sound so sure.” After a long moment of hesitation, he begins to speak, not looking up from the scuff on the linoleum flooring.

“Y/n, I have something to tell you.”

“What’s up?”

“The boys and I… We… we have unfinished business…”

“Of course you do. That’s why you’re here- why all of us are here.”

“We’re gonna play the Orpheum tonight. At seven.”

“That’s so cool! Tha-” I feel my words trapped in my throat. “That’s your unfinished business... Play the show you never got to before you died.” I feel a well of tears flooding my bottom lash line. They’re not tears of sadness. “That’s your unfinished business. And you’re playing there tonight. Why didn’t you tell me as soon as you found out?!” I cry out in anguish. Luke’s face falls from a somber reluctance to break the news, to utter heartbreak.

“Y/n, I-”

“I thought we had something.”

“We do!”

“Then why would you wait to tell me until,” I check the analog clock on the wall behind him, “An hour before you go?!”

“I wanted to enjoy our last day together without having to think about it. I didn’t think it’d make you this angry.”

“Well, I am angry, Luke!” My sentence is punctuated by Luke getting zapped by a jolt of electricity. He groans as he tries to remain standing upright. The tears streaming down my face slow from a mix of anger to extreme worry.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Your dad gave us a ‘club stamp’ that first night we left.” My face falls slack as I register what he’s just said. Without another word, I furiously push out of my chair and out of the dressing room. Each stride is larger than the last as I let my legs carry me into the wings of the Club’s circular stage. When I have the familiar silver tinsel entrance in sight, I stop cold in my tracks. In front of me stands Alex, in a dazzling pink coat and diamond-covered oxfords, and Reggie, in a luxurious red vest and coat covered in black floral detailing. In front of them stands my father in his extravagant purple number that’s reminiscent of his outfits he wore when performing.

My frustrated steps carried me into his sight and the volume of my strides drew the two boys’ attention behind them. Luke. Luke stupidly followed me out here, and father merely looks at me and blinks authoritatively before redirecting his gaze onto my boyfriend.

“There you are. I knew I was missing a third musketeer.” With a snap of his fingers, dad has poofed Luke out from behind me and poofs him back in between his bandmates. When he reappears he’s wearing a deep blue suit with a black, tiered chiffon collar and bowtie.

“Isn’t it nice that you’re all here together?” Dad launches into his huge speech, seemingly convincing them to stay at the club. He mentions everything they want can be theirs here like Willie, the glory of performing, connection with an audience. As he speaks, he steps forward and reaches up. I go to yell and reach for Luke, but nothing comes out. There’s no sound coming from my mouth, and the undersurface of my black heels feel frozen solid to the ground. Dad notices my movement and shoots me a look to knock it off. Luke sees and as he moves to turn his head, dad reaches up to keep his focus forward before adjusting Luke’s collar for him. He continues with his big speech as another jolt graces all three boys at once.

“I suggest you accept my offer because the clock is ticking,” he downs one more sip of water, preparing to perform, “Ouch. You know where to find me.”

When he disappears onto the stage, I’m released from my spot and the momentum of my struggling launches me forward. Luke turns around just in time to catch me and once he does he doesn’t release me from his arms.

“Luke, I didn’t-”

“Shhh. It’s okay. You’re okay.” He holds me in his arms, one hand on my head to cradle me close to his chest and the other wrapped soothingly around my waist.

“He’s right,” I choke out my words through heavy sobs, “You don’t know that the Orpheum is really your unfinished business. What if it’s not? These jolts could kill you, Luke. For good. My dad may be powerful, but he doesn’t have the power to bring you back from this.”

When I look up, Luke has a heartbroken expression painted all over his face. Before I can speak again, Alex poofs out from beside us. Sharing a worried expression, Luke and I look out onto the stage where dad has him soloing front and center.

“I-I-I, I made a-a promise-”

“To Julie, I know. But if she’s really as wonderful, and as kind, and understanding, and loving as you describe her to be, won’t she understand?” Luke’s expression softens in realization.

“You’re actually considering staying with Caleb?” Reggie asks Luke incredulously. Before he can receive an answer, he, too, is poofed out onto the stage in Alex’s previous spot, to play a jazzy bass solo. Luke looks all around the backstage area, at the audience, between his band members, and at my dad. Finally, his eyes settle on mine. I can’t read his expression; I wish I knew what was going on inside his head.

“Stay.”

Luke and I run out of time when dad calls his name. He’s poofed us apart so I’m frozen against the downstage wall, out of sight from the audience, and Luke is struggling his way onto the stage.

Dad has him soloing for the audience, to create a musical dialogue between the two of them. Luke, conflicted, looks between me and my dad unsure of how to feel. The performer side of him must be loving the high that comes with performing in the club, but the loyal side of him, I can tell, is yearning for Julie.

When the song ends, the three boys share a single look of concern and remorse, no doubt for Julie. I can’t help but feel selfish asking him to stay. It’s not fair for me to ask him to choose between me and her... But that’s not what I’m asking. If all three of them stay here, they don’t risk dying for good. Surely Julie can understand choosing life, or the afterlife rather, over freedom is a rational trade.

Coming to his senses Luke runs off stage.

“Y/n-”

“It’s selfish of me to ask you to stay-”

“I’m staying.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to die, Y/n. If that means I have to play in your dad’s band, fine. But at least we can be together.” Luke runs the pad of his thumb across my cheek to wipe away the tear shed out of joy. Our moment is ended when Alex and Reggie have also returned backstage.

“Boys, if we stay here, we’ll get to live and make music for as long as we want.”

“You said it yourself, we made a promise. To Julie.” Reggie almost looks like he wants to cry.

“If this is what you want- to spend eternity playing jazz solos behind Caleb -I can’t stop you. But I’m not gonna let Julie down. Not again.” Alex searches Luke’s face for any hesitation. When he doesn’t find the change of heart he’s looking for, Alex nods and fidgets with his drumsticks in one hand. The sudden swell of emotion leads the two of them to hug each other tightly; I can’t imagine their pain of knowing they might never see each other again. When they let go, Luke and Reggie share in a hug and the heartache pulls Alex into their hug.

“Can you do me a favor?” Luke asks, sniffling away a few tears. Reggie and Alex nod,

“Anything.”

“Will you tell Julie she’s a star for me, one last time?” A sharp jolt hits the three of them in unison once more; a signal that it’s really time to say goodbye. With sorrowful smiles, Alex and Reggie poof out of the Hollywood Ghost Club for the last time.

When he turns around, Luke’s face is red and puffy from crying and the sight breaks my heart clean in half. I pull him into a hug and press a lingering kiss to his cheek.

“I love you, Luke.”

“I love you, Y/n.”

***

A/n: YOWZA this really made my heart hurt for Julie sm. I love her and if this were canon I’d have actually kermit.

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading @dmcfarland1@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

This Sarah Everard case is so terrifying for women. But not only am I terrified - I am furious.

⚠️ tw for mentions of r*pe, sexual assault, violence against women, murder etc. ⚠️

She was just walking, including walking by busy roads and not dark alleyways. She was dressed in winter clothes. Even if she HAD walked down a dark alleyway or been wearing something short or “revealing”, she still wasn’t doing anything wrong - she was just walking somewhere.

Her murderer - a police officer named Wayne Couzens - plotted to murder a woman to live out his perverse fantasy. He didn’t plot to kill a specific woman - he knew he would murder a woman, any woman he thought he could abduct, any woman who would be out at night on her own. Sarah was just there.

Not only did he drive miles and hours to kill a woman, not only was he a police officer… he used his badge, police belt, handcuffs and credentials to fake arrest her to get her into his car. If a police officer tells you to go with them, we’re told to not resist, to be obedient or we will be in even more trouble. Even if she HAD done what the MET have just said women should do - “question non uniformed officers!” - it wouldn’t have helped her because he was a police officer. He had the credentials. Why would she run away and resist a police officer? And if women do resist, the police commit violence against them (like at the Clapham Common vigil for Sarah).

He handcuffed her, drove her for hours, then raped and murdered her. This fucking monster strangled her with his fucking police belt. He burnt her body and disposed of her in a pond.

A police officer did this - a fucking police officer, a MET officer, the MET we’re supposed to trust. And you want women to trust them?!!

And I don’t want to hear that “don’t judge the whole profession based on one bad apple”, because guess what? This is not the first time a police officer has harmed a woman. There is misogyny rooted deep in the MET that needs to be addressed. Wayne Couzens was literally nicknamed “The Rapist” by other police officers and had offended in the past by flashing people, and that’s just what we know of - and yet not a single person did anything. The police joked about it. Several officers gave character references supportive of Couzens during the hearings for his sentencing, and female officers told the press that they did not feel as if they could report concerning behaviour by male colleagues.

It’s thought that at LEAST 15 serving or former police officers have killed women in UK since 2009, and HUNDREDS of UK police officers have convictions for crimes, including assault. There are many cases that do not go reported, and so it’s likely the numbers on both counts are actually higher. Why are they still allowed to serve? Why is our government giving them more power and freedom to arrest whoever they please? “It’s not that many” - IT SHOULD NOT BE ANY.

If you can’t see why there’s a huge problem with our police force and why we say “fuck the police”, you’re part of the problem.

And the fear and anger we feel isn’t new - this has been a problem for literally all of our lives.

At 11, I learnt to come home before dark, and if it was dark in the winter on my way home (meaning: every night in winter), I was taught to not go down any dark lanes, and if I was walking the dark lane I had to go down if I got the bus home, I was to walk as fast as I could and to not have earphones in because i wouldn’t hear attackers. Every day from September 2009 to July 2014, coming home from secondary school, I was told to either wait for my dad or grandad to pick me up or to walk down the busiest road that ran near my house and had constant cars on it. I couldn’t take the shortcut down the public footpath on my way home from sixth form college because it was too dark and isolated - I had to go around it and through the village instead, which took more time but was vaguely safer. Since university, I’ve made a point of waiting for the hourly bus that stops just round the corner from my home and on the busiest road, even though I have to wait up to an hour for it usually, because getting the bus that comes every 15 minutes means walking up the dark quiet lane.

At age 13, I learnt not to talk to even very friendly men, even not in broad daylight, even with a female friend, when some old man approached us and started complimenting us, telling us we had “nice smiles” and “I can hook you up with someone who can help you get into acting” and “here’s ��10, you go down to the garage down the road and get whatever you girls want”.

At 14, I learnt not to sit in trees in the park by the gate, not even during the day when it’s sunny, when an old man entered the park, took one look at me, and said “you’ve got a nice arse”. I couldn’t prove he had said anything, and I would see him on my way to school sometimes and panic.

At 19, I learnt that I could not trust friendly men online. Apologies to any decent men I have spoken to online - there’s a few who are nice and not weird, I’m not talking about them. I learnt this when a guy I was speaking to on my old blog - who had for weeks just been generally nice and checking in on me - started to send intimate and sexual messages that started with “*hugs you*” and became “*spanks your ass*”, “takes your clothes off”, “f*cks you hard”, just to name a few (and these were the milder ones). When I asked his age, he merely said “older” than me - “more than twice as old as you”, actually. I learnt to not talk to men online, and if I did then I had to set very clear boundaries in a way that wasn’t too obvious - not say it outright but make it clear I am “unavailable”.

I have to carry a rape alarm on my keys, just in case. I could go out to bars if I wanted to, I could have at university when all my peers were - but doing it meant risking the chance of being harmed while intoxicated or on my way home. I have to send my location to my mother if I get any Ubers, if I go out to theatres or cinemas in the evening I have to text my mum to say I’ve arrived safe. I only feel safe out at night if I’m with a man that I trust like my dad or grandad - I got very lucky at Uni because not only did one girl make sure I got home safely at 1 in the morning by calling me a cab, but one boy even stayed with me on another night until my dad arrived to pick me up, because he knew leaving me intoxicated at 2:30 in the morning was dangerous. I have even phoned my grandmother while walking home in the dark because being on the phone to someone means you’re less of a target to an attacker.

Men do not have this experience - or, if they do, it’s nowhere near the fear and worry women feel every day. Women can’t even walk somewhere without being worried of being attacked - we cannot go anywhere without asking ourselves “am I safe?”. Are we wearing the “correct” clothing, so as to not give off the wrong idea? Are we walking down the well lit roads where it’s busy? Are we aware of our surroundings, of every single person nearby? Do I have my keys in my hand, ready to defend myself if I’m attacked? Women are blamed if we are attacked - not men, but women. “She was dressed slutty” “she was passed out drunk” “she was walking down a dark lane” “she was out late”.

When doing safe guarding training at my current TA job, I came across this phrase: “always think it can and will happen”. Just as a teacher or TA should not think “none of my students will be victims of abuse”, women should not for one second believe that they are safe and “it will never happen to me” - every day we have to think of how to prevent our own assault or murder, just in case.

Every time I’m walking home in the dark, I have the fleeting wonder of “what picture(s) of me will they use if I’m attacked or go missing?”. I was not really surprised when I saw that other women said the same thing. Women wonder it so often it’s almost a joke, an absent minded thought. But it’s not a joke - it’s real life for us, every single day.

Sarah Everard is not a one off case. Sabina Nessa, a 28 year old primary school teacher, was murdered on 18th September this year, her body discovered the next day by a dog walker. So far in 2021, 110 women have been murdered in the UK by men (or men are the prime suspects). Only a handful get national attention because at this point, violence and murder against women have become normalised in this country.

I am not only heartbroken for all of these women and their families - I am scared for my own safety; I am scared for the safety of my mother, my grandmother, my aunts. I am scared for the safety of my 20 year old sister, the safety of my 17 and 14 year old cousins, for the safety of my older male cousin’s two daughters who are only 4 and 1. I am scared for the safety of every single girl and woman I have worked with, the safety of every woman I have ever spoken to.

But I am also furious and filled with rage. Women should not be scared to go out or have fun, we should not have to take such precautions or measures that still won’t completely prevent our assaults or murders. I am sick and tired of the victim blaming when a woman is murdered, of the indifference of “oh another woman”, of this being how women are expected to live their lives.

I’m tired of this problem being ignored by our government, tired of no one giving a shit about us or our safety.

[rocketink]

SUMMER SNOW

In which you confess to your summer crush on a hot july night that you’ve never seen the snow.

pairing: mingyu x reader

Words: 1.5+K

Genre: fluffy + friends to lovers

Warnings: none I think. English is not my first language so apologies!! I needed to cuddle and this was the result get me a boyfriend so I can stop writing about my fantasies, please

A/N: Uploading this bc I can’t stand this blog being inactive and I’m planning more things so I need to let this fic go already haha

Whenever people fought over "what is better? Summer vs. Winter edition" you always said summer. Summer to you was special because it meant much more than hot weather for 3 months, beaches, and pools. To you, it meant a getaway. Summer was when you left the polluted air from the gray town you usually live in to go to your grandmother's town, lost somewhere in South Korea but also next to the coast. It meant three months of partying with friends you only see in summer, with those cousins that live far away that visit your grandmother too, and also Mingyu.

Kim Mingyu was always there. Despite looking like he could buy the entire town and spend his holidays at a luxury hotel in New York at the same time. Mingyu is just as poor as the rest of us, mortals, but the way he carefully chooses his clothes, the way he keeps his hair swept back, and, of course, his breathtaking smile makes him look like a young millionaire. He laughs every time you tell him that. Mingyu has been your summer friend ever since you were kids. When summer finally arrives you know it's time to spend all three months with the person you cherish the most and do all sorts of things together, and of course your favorite plan:

"Shall we go stargazing?" He usually asks, two blankets under his right arm and one basket in his left hand.

"Oh, yes, please." You always say.

Stargazing is supposed to be a soft, entertaining activity to do with your friends, right? But how can you do anything soft and cute with Mingyu without risking selling your heart to the most perfect person you've ever met? You don't know the answer to that because your heart has belonged to Mingyu for a while now. It began as a small crush, something you were sure would fade when you go back to your hometown. When you were about to get rid of your feelings, summer came again, and his presence woke up the butterflies within you. At some point, you stopped pretending you had no feeling for the silly boy just because you weren't seeing him during the year.

However, last year’s third day of September made a difference between you two.

It happened while stargazing.

"Don't you think stargazing is not as fun as when we were kids?" He asked.

"It is a bit different now, I guess. Two twenty-two years old do different things. I still enjoy spending time like this with you though." You answered truthfully, and almost fainted at the last part.

Just why did you say that?

"I enjoy it too. You are the only reason why I spend summers here."

"Are you saying that you like me more than Seoul?" You joked.

"Could be, or maybe is because Seoul is beautiful in winter but unbearable in summer, so I just settle for you." You made a face and he laughed. "It's because of the snow, Seoul looks like a romance film in winter."

"It snows there?" You felt your eyes sparkling. "Woah I've never seen the snow in real life."

"Really? Well it's fun at first, but don't get so excited you get used to it after a while and it's not as amazing."

"I just want to make a snowball and throw it to your face, I'll be satisfied just with that." He pretended to be offended and tried to tickle you in revenge, but somehow he ended on top of you and his face approached yours dangerously. You thought you were going to faint.

"Then let's make a deal."

"Surprise me."

"You give me something I really want this summer and next summer I'll bring a jar with some snow on the inside, okay?"

"What type of deal is that?" You would have laughed at his face if he had stopped approaching, but your faces were just a few centimeters apart. "Mingyu, it will melt."

"We can try."

"I'm getting nothing out of this deal, I won't have snow next year."

"How many excuses should I make up just to kiss you?"

"None Mingyu, just go for it" And just like that, his lips covered yours and you melted in a soft kiss.

That was the best night you'd had for a very long time, but you barely enjoyed it because the next day Mingyu was gone and the last thing you knew about him was a message he left to your grandmother: to tell you he suddenly had to leave to Seoul because of some family issues.

22 years of knowing the boy and still you never got his phone number.

The only thing you know is that September is not September without Mingyu.

"Are you still thinking of the summer guy?" Your mother asked you in December. You simply nodded. She didn't know Mingyu but she did know what your grandmother tells her about him, and the last thing your grandmother knew about Mingyu is that deep inside he didn't want to leave so suddenly and without warning you himself. He looked regretful and heartbroken.

This time, it was harder to forget about Mingyu, but you are not sure if you tried enough. You actually thought about him more. You aren't sure if he regrets the kiss or if he wants you or even if he just did it for the thrill of the moment (even if Mingyu is not like this, he wouldn't cross that line, risking to lose a friend). You just want to talk and end your suffering. But when June came once again, you are not sure if you are ready.

You see each other again on the first night of July, later than expected. At this point, you thought that Mingyu wasn't going to spend his summer in town and you kept a sad face for an entire month. He took you by surprise, you were stargazing on your own at your usual spot on top of your grandmother's house.

"Hi y/n." You almost choke on your spit.

"Mingyu?"

"Before you say anything, I've brought you a little something, and you have to see it right now."

"Uhm, okay?" He wastes no time and opens his basket. He pulls a small jar filled to the top with something white.

He gives it to you, and the first thing you notice is that it is icy.

"Open it." He encourages you.

It feels weird, and it melts right when you touch it.

"You've brought me snow?" You can barely find your voice.

"Well, I tried. Do you know how hard it was to keep it as snow and not water or ice? My parents were so worried that his son had lost his mind. Now, make that snowball and throw it to my face." He sounds more amused than he should.

You try, but every second that passes it becomes more watery and you are not sure if you can even grab it. You throw what you manage to keep in your hand to him, and he laughs and hisses at the sudden cold contact.

"It's very nice for the summer to be honest." He laughs.

"Our deal is done now, is it?" You don't even know why you bring it back, memories from that night come to your mind and you wonder even if it was real.

"I'm sorry I left so suddenly."

"Oh no, that's fine, is everyone okay?" You ask, concerned.

"Yes, everyone is fine now. Our house wasn't, we almost got robbed that day, but everything is fine now" You sigh in relief and he smiles softly.

Kim Mingyu if you don't stop right now... You think to yourself.

"I actually was wondering something."

"Okay then, surprise me once again." You want to stop making references to that night but you just can't.

He seems to catch the reference and smiles widely. He grabs a little piece of paper from his front right pocket and gives it to you, still with his signature puppy smile on his face.

It says 'Mingyu's mobile phone, for future inconveniences’

"I realized this winter that I don't want to spend another nine months without hearing from you. It was thrilling at first but it's not anymore. Call me anytime you want, actually just call me, please." His cheeks are tinted with a light shade of red and you feel yours burning.

"And I was also wondering if you'd like to visit me for Christmas in Seoul? You can stay at my house if you want to and we could spend more time together. Summer is not enough for me." Your heartbeat accelerates and you feel yourself nodding without thinking. "Great! I have so many things I'd like to show you. I want to take a walk with you in Seoul if it snows, and we can make snowmen and you can properly throw me snowballs if you feel like it. We can skate on thin ice and get hot chocolate and eat sweets and..."

He stops suddenly and you can tell he feels embarrassed.

"I guess I just want to do all the romantic things couples do at Christmas movies... I guess I just want to properly date you."

This time you are the one to initiate the kiss and all your worries of not being on the same page with Mingyu that you've had for almost ten months dissipate as he deepens the kiss and holds you tighter.

[lookingthroughmirrors]

I’m Not A Serial Killer - Chapter 1

Alex Centric - Willex & Jukebox

His dad was never there to cheer him on, his Mum was never there to wipe away the tears. There’s always been something about him that was just never enough, he was never enough. Not for the perfect family, not for their image, not for anyone it seemed.

‘I’m sorry I can’t be perfect’

Everything had been going downhill since the second he woke up. It spiraled until he wound up barely coherent in an alley that looked like it had walked straight out of a horror movie. He doesn’t remember much except for the yelling, and the pain. HOMELESS seems to flash like a neon sign above his head, maybe luck is why Julie chose to walk home through there but he’s not about to jinx the only good that came from the day.

AO3 Link    

~~~~~~~ Chapter 1 ~~~~~~~~~~

Julie kicks a pebble and watches as it rolls along the pavement, the sun shining down harshly causing a bead of sweat to roll down her face. Normally she’d be in school but with the heat wave it was decided to have school break early so there isn’t a risk of heat stroke. Julie’s dad is stuck at a shoot and was unable to cancel when she called him to make sure he knew she wasn't skipping. Adorning sunglasses she strolls happily down the street despite the heat. Not paying attention she rams straight into somebody hitting the deck with a solid thud. “Shit, wait-er sorry?” the person she collided with rambles slightly frantic.

Looking up she met with a boy her own age grasping a helmet in one hand and an old, slightly dingy looking skateboard in the other. Dropping the helmet he extends his hand out and she takes it with an appreciative smile hoping she doesn’t look too pissed. His wrist is adorned with multiple cord bracelets complementing his darker skin tone, hair as long as her own cascading down his back as he effortlessly pulls her back up onto her feet. “Thanks um-” “Willie, I’m Willie” he introduces with a charming smile “Julie”  “Sorry for running into you” he mutters sheepishly through a mischief filled lopsided grin.

“Don’t worry about it-shit, Flynn is going to kill me” she breaks off into a grumble forgetting about the guy that just flattened her scrambling to pick up the trashed sunnies. “Oh for fucks sake” she grumbles looking at the cracked lenses, one side of the frame snapped in half, a chuckle breaks through her mutterings and she whips round with a piercing glare. “Hate to break it to you but you can’t make me melt” the asshole continues to chuckle at her misfortune “ See ya Sunglasses” he calls cheerful getting the bird flipped in his direction, his laugh echoing as he skates off down the streets.

“Chivalry isn’t dead my ass” she grumbles, turning down an empty street only a few minutes away from her house, stopping short when a groan sounds in the desolate open street. A shriek escapes her mouth as she stumbles upon a boy her age looking half dead blood and dirt caking his body. He flinches at the sound but that doesn’t stop her from slowly approaching him, his eyes flickering open his gaze following her movements nervously. “Are you okay?” he lets a low groan at her words, clutching his rib tightly and she puts her hands out infront of her as she gets closer. “Will you let me help you?” Julie holds her breath realizing it after a few seconds pass and he gives her a jerky nod. Sliding an arm under his Julie helps him up, barely stumbling along as she tries to support most of his weight. It takes 10 minutes for her to stumble and limp to her house, knees nearly buckling under the other teens weight. Julie glances at the barely conscious teen with a huff “Here’s to hoping you’re not a serial killer” she mumble managing to get them inside the studio ignoring the wave of emotions that crash over her deciding to focus on the injured guy slumped over her lounge.

Since mystery boy is decidedly not going anywhere she deems it safe to leave him for a minute to track down the first-aid kit stashed somewhere. The only sound is Julie’s quietly muttered curses and the groaning from the injured boy every few seconds. Finally digging it up, it’s pretty trashy looking, washed out paint and a thick layer of dust making up the cover. Putting the case down and checking that he’s not dead she goes to get a bowl of water and a face towel. Coming back into the room she barely manages to skid to the side, nearly sending the bowl flying , as mystery boy barrels past emptying his stomach contents into the bin.

‘Mental note, get new bin for the studio’

“What is it with people and body slamming today?” she mutters with a roll of her eyes before her expression softens once again as she turns to the boy, arms hugging the bin close to his chest as dry heaves sounding in utterly pathetic. placing a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder, he still flinches but not as bad as before. “ L-lu-” the boys mumbles his hands shaking, “ R-reg-” filing the names away for later she bites her lip staring helplessly as he gets more frantic mumbling unintelligibly. Making a split second decision she drags her fingers through his hair and the tenseness seems to melt away.

She’s not sure how long they end up sitting there in the silence, tension melting away from the boy as more time passes. As the golden hue of the afternoon light starts to shine through the window the beaten up teen starts to become coherent, eye’s not as unfocused and cloudy as before. He never quite passed out, almost vomiting every time he seemed to relax but he wasn’t really aware either.

His eyes flutter open and Julie only has a split second to register his eyes widening in panic before she stumbles backwards and the other teen darts to the other side of the studio eyes scanning the room frantically. “Hey, it’s okay” Julie says and the guys eyes dart to her still wringing his hands together nervously “I found you in an alleyway looking pretty beat up, I only brought you here to patch you up” while still radiating nervous energy he seems to calm down slightly at her words while still extremely wary, eyeing her suspiciously “How do I know you are telling the truth” without missing a beat she responds “How do I know you aren’t a serial killer?” eyeing her warily for a couple more seconds he finally lets his shoulders sag slowly walking towards her.

“Thanks” he stutters out “I mean-um for uh h-helping me and-and not leaving me in that alley” he rambles out through one breath bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. “It’s okay, I’m Julie” she tries to give him what she hopes is a comforting smile, he returns it with a faint smile “Oh uh, I’m-I’m Alex” Julie puts her hand out and he grasps it with his much larger one, shaking it gently.

“Um d-do you want me to leave?” Alex's voice squeaks at the end of his sentence, looking like he wants to do anything but leave and her mind flashes to what he looked like when she found him and she can’t find it in herself to make him leave when he obviously isn’t in a good spot. “Nah, we can chill out here if you want to, we can watch T.V?” he looks at her incredulously, obviously not believing her.

“Seriously it’s fine, as long as you don’t want to leave you don’t have to” she gives him a kind smile flopping down onto the lounge flicking the T.V on, Alex, albeit hesitantly, follows her lead sitting on the other end of the lounge. About 30 minutes pass of them mindlessly watching T.V before he speaks up, face littered in prominent bruises “You’re oddly cool with a random person at your house” he comments looking at her in slight amusement and she replies with a smirk “Well I figure if you planned to do anything to me you would’ve done it by now” he huffs out a laugh, stopping short with a grimace of pain Julie wincing in sympathy “I don’t think your ribs are broken, I tried to check but i’m not the best with this stuff so i’m not sure but i think it’s only bad bruised” Alex nods and they both turn back to the T.V talking back and forth.

“Julie!” her dad’s voice echoes Alex freezing panic, sitting up ramrod straight as Julie flounders “In the studio!” she calls back shrugging at Alex’s glare. Her Dad freeze’s when he sees that she isn’t alone, his gaze melting to concern when he sees Alex’s state, Julie immediately shooting up beelining towards her dad “Dad please don’t be mad, Alex and I are partners for a school project and I told him we could work here. When I was walking home I found him like this and helped him get here, I think he could be seriously hurt and I didn’t know what to do, please don’t send him away” Ray makes a shushing motion, placing his hands on Julie’s shoulder “Calm down mija, I’m not mad. Alex? That’s your name?” that jolts Alex making him jump up from the lounge that he’d previously been trying to sink into “Um. yes s-sir. Alex Mercer”

“Call me Ray. Why don’t you come in for dinner, you look like you could use some food, we can discuss everything afterwards, assuming you don’t have to go home?” his words end in a question and Alex ducks his head, scuffing his shoe against the floor “Yeah, uh, my parents aren’t exactly happy. They told me not to come back, they’ve never really cared, I guess” Ray looks absolutely heartbroken while Julie can’t stop herself from linking his fingers with hers.

“Come on, dinner’s getting cold. Let’s just eat first and talk everything over later” Ray nods towards the house, leaving Julie and Alex to scramble after him towards the house. Alex grips her wrist, tugging slightly to get her attention “Why’d you lie?” he asks and she looks at him with a raised eyebrow “You think he’d let some random person I just met stay in our house?” Alex rubs his neck sheepishly “Yeah, good point. If it helps I have actually seen you around at school before, I’m in year 10” Julie smiles at that, she thought she recognized something about him “I’m in year 10 too, at least we know it wasn’t a full on lie, only a white lie” Alex seems to relax at the idea of outright lying to someone opening their home to him “Thanks, I mean uh, again, yeah uh, thanks again” he stumbles on his words Julie laughs as they continue into her house.

Dinner passes incident free with everyone getting to know Alex, Carlos barely took a second to breath while asking Alex question after question. Carlos heads off to play some ghost hunter video game that he hasn’t stopped talking about while Ray moves the conversation to the lounge. “Okay” he claps his hands together in front of him sitting on the coffee table as Alex and Julie take a spot on the lounge, Julie hugging one of the throw pillows to her chest. “Now mijo, I’m not going to send you away but the spare bedroom isn’t set up so I was thinking you could use the pull out couch in the studio until we work out everything. You are going to need to talk to your parents, I don’t know you well enough to say anything about it but you will need to talk to them, I won’t push as it’s not my place but you get it. Both of you have school tomorrow so don’t stay up too long, Julie you can only help set everything up out there before coming inside, both in rooms by 11, no later. Now I’ll leave you to watch a movie or something. I promise we will work everything out” with that Ray shakes Alex’s hand and placing a kiss on Julie’s head before going to his office to finish up some photo edits from a recent shoot.

“That went better than I thought” Julie mumbles and is immediately swooped up into a massive bear hug blonde hair flying in her face. “Thank you, thank you, thank you” he mumbles repeatedly into her hair, she doesn’t say anything letting him hug her tightly. “Sorry, ‘bout that” he mumbles pulling back sheepishly “I get it, today’s been all over the place” Julie reassures, she knows his emotional outbursts are just from whatever happened to him that’s ended with him having to sleep in the garage of a girl he’s never met before, not exactly what you would call normal.

An embarrassed blush taints his cheeks, though Julie just gives him a smile and flicks on ‘ Ghostbusters’. Slowly they build up a conversation and in the end the movie is forgotten as the two are immersed in a debate of whose better ‘ lady Gaga’ or ‘Ariana Grande’, Ray could barely make out what they were saying with how fast they’re talking. He watches from the kitchen, he stuck his head out to check and his brain nearly short circuited when he heard the music discussion. Since his wife’s passing 2 years ago Julie never touched the piano and would never even mention anything to do with music, she would just shut down. Now there she was sitting and talking about music, a bright smile on her face with the bruised and beaten looking blonde teen.

Speaking of the blonde haired teen, Alex seemed more carefree too like he’s in his element talking about music. It’s the first time he’s seen Julie look so genuinely happy in so long then surely the kid can’t be too bad. Despite his beat up, border lining on homeless appearance he can’t imagine the kid was out getting into fights or a laundry list of other things he could be doing. It’s nice to see that light return to Julie’s eyes, sparked with happiness.

[jeonchan26]

Give Me A Reason...To Stay (Part 1)

Theme; Angst (Namjoon & Reader)

Summary; With all the hurt comes happiness, at least that’s what you thought.

Request; Yes

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    You couldn’t believe it, you thought your mind was playing tricks on you. But why would it play such a cruel one? 

    You wanted to visit Namjoon at work it’s almost been three weeks since you last saw him but you knew that with their new comeback coming up he was extra busy at work. He would get home when you were asleep and leave before you woke up. You didn’t blame him though you knew that dating an idol was going to be hard but for Namjoon it was all worth it. 

    You figured that with everything going on Namjoon and the boys would be stress. You decided that they might need a little distraction. You packed all of their favorite foods into individuals baskets and headed towards BigHit. Once you got their you saw Jungkook first walking towards the elevator. 

    “Jungkook!” You yelled his name making him stop and hold the elevator for you to get it. “Hey Noona! What are you doing here?” He said with a big smile. He notices the baskets. 

“Do you need help Noona?” He said taking a few of the baskets of your hands. 

   “Oh thank you! They were heavy! But anyways I brought you guys some food. That basket is yours” You said pointed to the purple one. “Oh geesh noona thanks! You didn’t have too!” 

    Jungkook helped you delivered all the basket to the boys, they were all grateful that you took time out of your day to make them the baskets/ They loved that you decorated the baskets the color of their mics. You left the boys to find Namjoon who you figured was in his studio. He always seems to hide in there to create music. 

    You knocked on the door and heard a soft come in, “Hey baby I got you something” you closed the door behind you. 

     “Baby what are you doing here? You didn’t have to come all the way here” He smiled taking the basket from your hands. “Oh wow baby all my favorite foods!” He started unpacking the food and place on the table before putting the basket on the floor. “Come let’s eat!” He said sitting you on his lap you giggled and started feeding him.

“How is the album coming up?” 

    “Oh you know it’s getting their our deadline is in July and we are just about done with the last few songs” He said taking a bite of the food. 

    You were about to ask him something but were interrupted when a beautiful looking girl came into the room, you found out odd because usually people would knock before coming in.

     “Namjoon Ba-” She stopped talking when she say you and Namjoon. Namjoon quickly pushed you off him making his way towards the girl. You just stared at them confused.  

    “Irene baby what are you doing here?” You noticed Namjoon behavior towards her. ‘Baby?’ you thought he was reaching for her hand. 

    “What the fuck is this Namjoon! Who the fuck is she!?” She yelled pointing at you.

     “Excuse me who are you! Im Namjoon girlfriend!” You glared crossing your arms. You were trying not to break or show any weakness. 

     “Oh please! Im his fucking FIANCE!” You started at her in shocked you looked at Namjoon who was looking anywhere but you. His attention was either on her or on the floor never on you. You noticed the boys coming into the room due to all the screaming. 

    “That’s not possible! He is my boyfriend!” You stuttered trying to process what was happening. You looked at the boys and noticed them giving you pity looks. It was true, everything she said was true.

    “Namjoon, is she saying the truth” You whispered trying to make Namjoon look at you but he would just look away. 

    “Of course it is sweetie. You’re nothing but a homewrecker! Do you really believe Namjoon would date a girl like you! Why do you think you haven’t gone public.” She smirked. 

    “Irene wait for me in the studio okay! I’ll be there soon” Namjoon finally spoke after a while. You said Irene walked towards him giving him a kiss before walking out. The boys left giving you guys some privacy.

    You couldn’t hold the tears anymore they slowly started falling. “N-Namjoon w-what is going on?” You said walking towards him. 

    Namjoon sighed before looking at you, “I’m sorry (Y/N). I didn’t want you to find out this way. Irene is my fiance for a while now. She was gone due to her career and recently came back. I was only using you because I was lonely, you were there and I decided to take advantage of that. I-Im sorry I’ve never loved you” He said looking at you with pitiful eyes. “I never thought it would get this far” 

    You stood there angry, sad but mostly heartbroken, “So this part 9 months were nothing but a lie?” 

“Yes” 

   You felt like someone stabbed your heart pulling it out before stomping on it. You looked down at the ground trying to stop yourself from crying. “I guess that would explain why we were never public and you seemed happy about the fact that I didn’t follow you guys on social media. Guess I was stupid enough to believe that someone like you would fall for someone like me” you let out a sad chuckle. 

    “It was never my intention to hurt you the way I did..” Namjoon whispered. “But you did from the very beginning I was nothing but a distraction from her...Ima gonna leave you should send someone to pick up your stuff from the apartment. I never want to see you again, I was so stupid to have fallen in love with you.”

    You got up and started walking towards the door hoping he would stop you and tell you he loves you and that it was a mistake but once you closed his door you saw the boys waiting for you down the hall. They looked up when they heard the door close. 

    “You guys knew right? That I didn’t mean anything to him. That he was just using me?” You looked at each one of them and noticed their sad eyes turning away from you once you made contact with them.

    “(Y/N) We are sorry it was never our intention” Taehyung said. “No I get it he is your brother. Why would you guys care about my feelings right? Well it was good getting to know you guys. Mind if you guys pick up his stuff from the house.” You saw them nodding and you started walking towards the elevator.

    You don’t even know how you made it home but walking through the front door you felt the loneliness breaking down praying that this was just a dream. 

[what-if-rpg]

Welcome to the family, VIVI! Your application to BREEZE BERRY-ROSE was accepted. We’re really happy to have you around! Make sure to read the beginners checklist, and remember, have fun! We can’t wait to roleplay with you! Have fun!

IN CHARACTER CHARACTER

NAME: Breeze Berry-Rose CHARACTER AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: Age 37 and DOB July 2 OCCUPATION: Police Lieutenant for NYPD FACE CLAIM: Sophia Bush. HOMETOWN & CITY WHERE LIVES NOW: From Lima, OH is now living in New York, NYC SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER: Homosexual & Female RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Married POSITIVE TRAITS: loyal, protective and intuitive NEGATIVE TRAITS: self-blame, moody, and vindictive CHARACTER QUOTE/LYRIC: Please include a quote or lyric that you feel describes your character.

HEADCANONS

Growing up, Breeze was always doing her own thing, staying out, causing trouble with her friends and so on. She loved her family and while they were close, they also couldn’t give each kids the needed attention they needed. Their father was always working to make ends meet and their mom would try her best, but it was hard. The only time was the rare moments when their dad was off work, and they would all sit in the family room playing games. Which, of course, Leroy would always suggest something that would make him be the center of attention, not that Breeze minded. So when Gabe was born she cleaned up her act and devoted her life to make sure he never felt alone but of course that was easier said than done.

Breeze always knew she was attracted to women, how couldn’t she? Her first crush was in the 2nd grade when a classmate sat next to her and gave her a warm smile she was hooked. She dated women and was even in a serious relationship with one during high school but after graduation she was heartbroken when she found her girlfriend of 2 years with another girl. Heartbroken, Breeze left with her best friend, Adam, to drink her sorrows. Feeling heartbroken and lonely she slept with her best friend, which later resulted in her being pregnant. Adam didn’t feel like he was ready to be a dad and while Breeze felt the same, she wasn’t going to abandon her baby like that even if she was only 18. The two drifted apart and haven’t spoken since.

After Gabe was born, she devoted her life to him, she got a job as a waitress so she could be with her son. That only worked for a year or so until someone broke in her home. Breeze moved back in with her parents since she felt as if it was her fault and decided to become a cop in order to keep them safe in a way. She worked hard to give Gabriel everything he could ever wish for but at times spent more time in the precinct than at home. When Gabe was 5 she moved to her own home but still visit her parent for help. She was grateful for her family who helped her take care of him but every night she feels guilty for not being there as much as she wishes. She always did make it a habit to be spend time with him on her days off and find fun activities they can do together.

Breeze wasn’t looking for love, she had her son, her family and her career. Sure Breeze went on a few dates in the beginning but it never went passed the first date. She always thought of Gabe and how hurt it would be if it didn’t work out and how they could possibly reject him so she just didn’t try. It wasn’t until one day when a beautiful woman brought in goodies to the precinct that she felt she needed to talk to her and get to know her. While Breeze usually doesn’t have an issue with flirting, she found herself a blushing mess whenever it came to Iris. Even now that they have been together for 10 years or so her love only grows for the brown eyed woman. She wants to expand their family but with how busy she’s been with her new job in NYPD she isn’t sure if she should bring it up and she feels like she’s been a bad wife for always working.

CONNECTIONS

MRS. & MR. BERRY (Parents): Breeze loves her parents but hates to admit that she only got closer to them when she got pregnant. She didn’t know how to raise a baby, nor did she care for them. Her mom has been her rock, showing her the rope on parenting, taking her calls about any silly question she had when Gabe was a baby and for helping her out when she felt like she couldn’t do something and reminded her that she had to do it for her son. Even if they didn’t approve of her dangerous job, they still supported her and helped out as much as they could with Gabe.  LEROY, LEON & MONICA BERRY (Siblings): Breeze loves her crazy siblings and has been trying to keep in touch with them as much as possible, but life always happens. They still talk here and there, and she is always there for them whenever they need her. She doesn’t really feel close with either one of them or loves them all equally, but Leroy was the one to help her more when it came to her sexually while growing up and gave her wonderful parenting tips. GABRIEL BERRY (Son): While Breeze never really saw herself having kids, she wouldn’t change her past. Gabe has changed in her life in the best way possible, she loves her son with her life and even if she is always working, she is there for him in everything he needs. Breeze has the habit of trying to be the cool mom; learning all the new slang or dances and even tried to bond with her son on his interest. She tried to not do them in front of his friends to embarrass home but at home all bets are off. Breeze is a huge soccer and basketball fanatic, so she loves taking him to games. Now with them being in different cities she makes sure to face time him as much as possible. IRIS ROSE-BERRY (Wife): The day Iris came into Breeze’s life is one she will never forget, she tried hard to get to know the other woman, even going to her shop just to see if she can talk to her. They’ve had their ups and downs but at the end of the day they talk it over and work it out. They know one another better than they know themselves, Iris makes Breeze want to be a better wife and a better mom. Breeze gets so focused in her job to protect her family that she forgets to spend time with them or take better care of herself, but Iris has always kept her grounded by reminding her to spend time with them and to not be so work focused. Breeze always feels like the luckiest woman on earth because she has her family in her life. RACHEL BERRY (Niece): Breeze is a huge fan of her niece. How can she not be? She has worked so hard to be the star that she is now. She tries to keep in contact with her as much as possible but due to their busy schedules its always hard. Breeze will always be there for her is she needs her and is trying to make more time not only for Rachel but for Moriah, Marley, Ryder and Quinn since she considers them all their nieces and nephews.

[sherala007]

Creative non-fiction done for school

The Crucible of Youth

I felt the pile of carpet beneath my tummy, poking like pinpricks through my shirt as I lay across the living room floor, reading my book.  Mom sat nearby in her chair next to the window, the dull grey of the winter/spring changeover still in the sky.  She was working on her crocheting while watching the news on TV. I usually ignored the news.  It was always bad.  Tonight’s news was no different.  Tonight I couldn’t ignore it.  The words gang rape grabbed my attention quick making me forget my book. Mom even set down her work.

           It was March of 1983 and the reporter spoke about a woman who was raped by four men in Big Dan’s Tavern in New Bedford, MA, all for going in to buy a pack of cigarettes (Chapie). I watched the story, at first not fully understanding what was going on.  Then it started to click what rape meant.  I was heartbroken.  How could someone do that to another person? I didn't understand to the fullest extent what rape was yet but from the look on mom's face, I knew it was serious. I remember mom saying "She had to have done something to deserve it.  Nothing like that happens without a cause."

I looked up at mom as she dismissed the woman's pain and went back to her crocheting. The lack of concern or care on mom's face frightened me.  She'd always been so compassionate to those in need, kind and caring, but not demonstrative in showing physical affection.  This lack of concern wasn't like her at all.  It looked as if she was dismissing the rape as the woman's fault, absolving herself of the need to think on it anymore.  Her words chilled me and would come echoing back in my mind soon.

           July 4th! What a time to be a kid.  It was summer.  It was hot out.  It was time for swimming in the pool and running carefree.  We were at my sister Patty’s for a picnic.  There weren't a lot of kids, just me; my niece Sandy, who was the youngest; Kurt who was eleven, and his fifteen-year-old brother Dale. I'd just turned twelve a few months before and was already developing into a young woman.  Kurt had noticed.  All-day long he was my shadow.  He was big for his age, already almost a foot taller than me and I was only about four foot six.  His father owned his own construction company and Kurt and Dale worked with him on the weekends so both boys were very strong.

We'd been swimming most of the day, only getting out to eat.  We waited the required 30 minutes, then back into the pool. We'd exhausted all the games we could think of to play in the water.  We tested our breath holding limits; scrounged for items on the bottom as they were thrown in; and did as many laps as we could.  It was a round pool so laps were short and annoying.  I was pruney and bored.  I remembered I had a great book with me that I’d gotten into only yesterday and sitting out for a while sounded nice and relaxing.  I ducked underwater to swim to the ladder and felt something poke me in the bum.  Popping up quickly I saw Kurt pop up right next to me.

           “You two, knock that crap off!”  I heard my sister Patty yell from the top deck of the house.  She turned and carried another tray of food down to the picnic table at the bottom.  

           I got out of the pool, wrapped up in my towel, and headed to the table.  “I didn’t do anything, Patty.  I was only swimming.”

"You let a boy touch your butt.  Good girls don't do that."  She looked me in the eye, anger, and disgust on her face then turned and stormed off to join the other adults.  

           I’d felt like I was punched in the stomach.  I sat down on the bench, picked up a hotdog and started to nibble.  I was about to take another bite when Kurt walked up to me, grabbed it and scarfed it down.

           “Don’t worry about her. Let’s go for a walk.”  He threw his towel down on the bench and slid his flip flops on waiting for me.  Dale and Sandy liked the idea of a walk and wanted to join us.  Dale went over, asked permission, and was given instructions to take care of us girls and off we went.  We were only permitted to go up the road to the trail we used to ride our horses on.  We were still in our swimsuits, Sandy and me with towels wrapped around us, the boys in their shorts.

The trail wasn't a trail per se but a dirt road, rocky, twisty, and bumpy, but it was a change for us.  Being on the plump side, I wasn't as fast as the others.  I fell behind as we went up a hill and around a bend in the road, thick trees lining either side, houses scattered farther and farther apart. Kurt stayed with me and spotted an abandoned barn off the side of the road in someone’s back yard.  We stopped and looked to see if anyone was around. Sandy and Dale were out of sight as Kurt grabbed my hand, pulling me up the sloping gravel driveway, the small white rocks making for rough going, and around the corner of the barn to the door on the other side.

It was cooler inside.  I could smell the dampness of the mold and mildew all around me, mixed with the smell of roses and wildflowers from outside.  Some of the shabby barn boards looked worm-eaten, barely hanging on by the few remaining nails holding them in place.  There was dirt and dust everywhere, blown in through the cracks and crevices, or washed in through the large opening in the corner of the roof where part of it had fallen in.  In the far right corner, I could see a large spider web, its maker fat and creepy, perched on one of the outer edges.  I could see rusted out tools tossed about like unwanted toys, no longer needed or desired, littering the floor along one wall.

           I heard Kurt walking near the middle of the floor, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet, as I entered watching for any critter that may try and come near me. Looking around at everything I'd lost track of where Kurt was for a moment.  He'd gotten quiet.  One second I was standing a few paces inside the doorway looking at how creepy everything was, the next I was on my back in the dirt on the floor, Kurt's left hand around my neck.

"Don't move," he said.  His hand was so large it wrapped halfway around my neck.  The look in his eyes was cold, freezing me in place as he held me down with that one hand, not tight enough to bruise, but enough so I couldn't risk moving.  I couldn't think, couldn't figure a way out of his grip.  Why was he doing this?  What did he want from me?  He used his right hand to free himself from his shorts and then to slide the panty half of my suit aside, digging himself inside me hard like a blunt shovel.  All I felt was pain, burning, and tearing.  I was trembling.  I wanted to scream but couldn't with his hand still on my throat.  His pig-like grunting and the slap of skin on skin echoed in my head.  I thought it was loud enough others would hear and come to help me.  No one came.

I was numb. I don't remember him finishing.  I don't remember how I got home.  I remember going right into the shower, cleaning up, and throwing my towel and bathing suit into the washer.  I don't even remember how I got the bleeding to stop. I just know it did.  Hours later I still couldn't remember any of the details of how I got home.  Any time I tried I would get sick to my stomach.  I do remember the thoughts that echoed in my head for the next twenty-five years.  Dirty.  Bad girl. I deserved it.  I’m worthless.  Those thoughts stay with me today, though they're not as loud as they used to be. They were the only thoughts I could hear for a long time, and they always echo in my mom’s voice.  This was just the first time I was raped.  It happened again four years later when I was sixteen and at another 4th of July gathering with my then-boyfriend. That time I was raped on top of a pile of refuse and debris in an old, dilapidated camper.

           What did I do to cause this to happen to me?  Why me?  Why did I deserve this?  It took a long time in therapy to discover a few things.  I didn’t do a DAMN THING to deserve this or cause it to happen to me. Why me?  I’m small.  I’m female. I’m seen as prey.  Men that rape are in search of a power rush.  They’re not in it for the sexual gratification.  They’re in it to hurt, humiliate, and degrade.  It's not about sex only power.  I just reach five foot two now.  Back then I was shorter and thinner than I am now.  Because of all this trauma, I gained a great deal of weight.

Imagine what this trauma does to a teen?  Adults usually think teens are dramatic.  I remember all the times my mom would tell me to stop being so dramatic when I was jumpy or had to have my back to a wall.  Most adults don't listen to teens or notice the signs of PTSD.  Teens are still developing their identities and personalities. Rape puts a deep and heavy scar on their psyche that they have to grow into and carry for the rest of their life. Teens may be young and still growing emotionally but they have the same feelings adults do and respond in similar ways. All the same side effects we suffer from rape, teens do, also.

Sixty-six percent of all victims of rape under the age of eighteen are between the ages of twelve and seventeen (Rainn).  Well, that statistic fits me both times.  I never used to be a jumpy person.  After the rape, I would jump at the drop of a hat.  I also dealt with bouts of depression.  There are days even now where I struggle to get out of bed to live a normal life doing normal things.  Those days are fewer and farther between.  The biggest issue I deal with now is when I’m working on a task and someone strolls up to me to ask a question and startles me.  They’re not even trying to be stealthy but I’m instantly in a fight or flight panic.  My heart races like I’ve run a marathon.  I hold my breath for a few seconds then I pant like I’m being choked again.  Now and again I’ll even start to tremble.  I can hide that sometimes but my close friends know when it’s happening.  I discovered that this is all part of PTSD (Rainn).

I discovered something terrifying while dealing with treatment as well as doing research; per the Center for Family Justice (CFJ) one in four women and one in six men are sexually abused (CFJ).  In eight out of ten cases the victim knows the attacker (CFJ).  There are three main after-effects of rape; depression, flashbacks, and PTSD (Rainn).  I've had to live most of my life with two out of the three' until now.  In rewriting this paper the third has started, but only a few times.  The smell of roses and mold triggered flashbacks as I was rewriting the barn scene. That lasted for about three weeks and has now stopped.  The saddest thing for me is it's been thirty-three years and these effects still happen.

           Did I ever tell my mother?  No.  The woman who raised me was actually my grandmother.  She adopted me from her oldest daughter when I was ten but had raised me since I was four months old.  She was born in 1933.  Things were so much different for her growing up so she still had the antiquated mindset for her generation.  By the time I was able to talk about it nothing could be done anyway so why stir things up?  I know it would have made her feel horrible and wouldn’t have solved anything.  

I will tell you, surviving rape has made me a very strong woman.  I didn't realize this until about five years ago:  I've lived through the worst that man can do to woman, short of murder.  I've not only survived but in the last few years, I've thrived.  I'm able to live on my own.  I make new friends all the time.  I can hold down a good job.  Do I still have some issues now and then?  Yes, but they’re infrequent now.  I’m too strong to let it keep me down anymore.  I’ve realized that, yes I have suffered horrible violence, but unlike others, I don’t have to let it define who I am.  I refuse to let it do so.  I choose to act and be seen as a woman who can stand on her own and who doesn’t need to hide behind anyone else.  I do understand when I’m out on my own I have to pay attention to my surroundings and be vigilant but I don’t have to be afraid of every shadow.  Yes, I used to hide behind the victim label I let others put on me, but not anymore.  I am alive and I will continue to embrace every day because I am worth it, not because someone else says so but simply because I’m here; alive, walking, talking, and breathing.

While I was working on one of the drafts of this article, a friend at work offered to read it and help me edit it.  I gave it to her on a Friday.  Monday morning she came up to me crying.  She couldn't read it.  She told me about how she was raped twenty years ago and still can't talk about it with anyone; not even her husband.  She can't have a deep, healthy relationship with him because of it.  She asked me how I can be so relaxed and open after all that. What was my secret?  Truth is, I don't have a secret.  I freely admit what happened to me when anyone asks why I get startled as I do.  I know now that I didn't do anything to ask for what happened to me.  It was not my fault.  It took a while for that to sink in but now that it has it's one of my mantras when those horrid thoughts get loud on me again; because they do sometimes. I remind myself that I am alive. I have hope.  I get up for work every morning.  I answer calls from customers needing help every day.  Some of them are not so nice about asking for it either. I work for a security company and every so often I get that call from that woman who went through that same experience.  I stop and listen.  I do what only a fellow survivor can do.  I give her hope too.

 Works Cited:

No Author, Sexual Assault Stats, Center for Family Justice.org, web, 6-27-16

Capie, Lindsay.  Big Dan’s Tavern Gang-Rape, New Bedford 1983, LindsayChapie.wordpress.com, web, 7-9-16

No Author, No Article, Statistics, Rainn.org, web, 6-27-16

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 19

It’s 6am and Brandon woke me up when he got up to go to work so now... i answer asks bc i cant sleep. 

@mileyzangel said: Can you please make a Harley Quinn hairstyle from both Suicide Squad and Birds of Prey?

I went and watched Birds of Prey the other night and it was really good. Brandon went to sleep I think tfgvhb. But I doubt I’ll try doing her hair from either of the films. @enriques4 is working on one for her Birds of Prey look if you are interested in that <3

Anonymous said: is tiny living worth it? im leaning towards the gameplay although i love cas. is the gameplay as bad as people say?

I honestly don’t think the new beds do anything. They’re... there. Lmao I think the CAS and buy items are very nice. If we get some cc murphy beds then that would make them a lot more usable tbh.  

Anonymous said: how do you and ayoshi keep making some fantastic collabs?? y'all are literally the first people i go to when I make a fresh install and I can't wait to see what you do next

Anonymous said: AxA CC KINGS!!!

Anonymous said: you guys didnt have to snap like that on AxA

Anonymous said: I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PACK U AND AYOSHI DO PLEASE KEEP MAKING MORE

Anonymous said: another iconic ah00b x ayoshi collab YAS LESSGOOOO

We put a bunch of cc ideas (hair and clothes) in a discord server we have together and then work on the stuff together on call usually so each item is the way we both want me. Like for example i’ll be meshing the Ivy top while he works on texturing the ribbed version.  We also only do collabs when they happen, we didn’t plan AxA 2019 or this new set, mainly just made cc starting in May and wrapped it up in July to release in August. Then this time we started making stuff late December and got most of it done by the time I got done with my break. Having a planned collab/deadline makes stuff less stressful and the stuff usually turns out better imo

Anonymous said: hi! ur sims are so prettyyyy what skin texture and eyes do u use?

Anonymous said: hi! wcif the eyes of the sim in the edit that Dogsill edited for you please? thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I really love the way your sims looks so, I was what skin and eyes you use?

I actually am changing my default eyes so I need to update my resource page soon ;n; but the skins they use are all listed for each sim on the resource page here

Anonymous said: you always name axa packs by the year but this one was named after a season those that mean.... 👀

We are wanting to do something in the fall, just not sure how our lives will be then ya know? There’s a chance that this will be the AxA 2020. Since we weren’t sure I didn’t want to label it that if 2 AxA’s release this year lmao

Anonymous said: what game is the pokemon thing you're playing!? pls help a guy out i'm in love with the art style

Pokemon Sword and Shield (I have shield) for Nintendo Switch. I’ll prob post more pics once I get some new shinies :P

@kristabunny said: lol is it bad that when I saw your Santana hair I read it as Satan Hair XD

tbhhhhh it was lowkey referencing that lmao. I made the hair in October for a speed meshing video and since it was around Halloween I was like “lemme give her an almost demonic name” also Santana from glee is a queen

Anonymous said: Tbh I absolutely adore your female cc but I LIVE for your male cc!!!

Thank you! lmao the only thing I can take full credit for is the AxA male hairs. I mesh the clothes for packs but ayoshi does the texturing for them.  

Anonymous said: Could you have a go at the updo Dua Lipa has on the cover of her Future Nostalgia? The high bun with a flick in it and the strands of hair down the sides. Thanks if so :)

I’m not the biggest fan of the hairstyle tbh ;n; but we will see. (Physical is a serve, just saying)

Anonymous said: So ive never played pokemon before until my friend gave me a copy of pokemon moon. I love cats so of course my starter was a litten, but i had no clue about evolutions or anything like that. I was heartbroken when my cute litten turned into some big man cat :(

omg noooo ;n; yeah Litten is a cutie... incineroar is... well I got used to him tbh and kind of like him now? I absolutely hate scorbunny’s evolution (and most of the SWSH starters final evolution) so I think that made incineroar slightly better in my eyes. My shiny litten will be staying a kitten however :)

@multifandom-slytherin said: Hello! I love your cc! Would it be possible for you to make the bangs from your Bree Hair a separate accessory that you can put with other hairs (for example the BG low ponytail)? Thank you so much!

Anonymous said: have u considered making or allowing someone to make an acc version of your handmade bangs?

I have thought of doing accessory bangs tbh, I just like... don’t like using accessory bangs myself. So I’m not sure if I’ll end up doing it. I might try it for myself and see how many hairs they work with, and if it is a decent amount I’ll release. 

Anonymous said: First off I want to say how amazing all of your hairs and collabs are! Second I was curious if you ever thought of going back to your old hairs and updating their thumbnails / display indexes so they matched your stuff now?

I really really wanted to have all my 2019 hairs updated by 2020. It was only January 2019-April 2019 that needed updated (thumbnails and display indexes). But I just lost motivation for doing it. I will focus on it next time I have a big break from school. Also planning on updating select stuff from 2018 and 2017. 

Anonymous said: please put Sophia Barker in the gallery. PLEASEEEEE it's the most beautiful sim I EVER seen! >:3 PLEASEEE!!!!!!!!!!

She should be on there? I think? Make sure you have CC enabled and if you can’t find me through the gallery her tray files are here

Anonymous said: Hi! After the recent patch I started having a small issue with Bree hair(without bangs), when I zoom out it looks like a completely different hair, something similar to that one basegame hair that's layered with tips pointed outward but longer. Thought I'd let you know, maybe others have had a similar issue or maybe I need to change a setting or something. Love your work so much!

Really surprised this is the first time someone told me about this lmao. The hair should be updated now on SFS/Patreon <3

Anonymous said: I tried to look around for this on your "Asks" portion before bothering you (so sorry), but do you have a link perhaps for all the lips you use on your models? Are they in game or a cc you create? Thanks so much! Love all of your work! I'm super new to cc stuff and I found yours like 2 days ago and have been going nuts with downloads lol 

like presets? None of my cc models use a lip preset. I do use this slider on some of them though. For lipsticks, that is listed for each model on my resource page <3

Anonymous said: i’ve been looking for a hair like lexi that i actually like forever and now i find it but it’s for paterson peeps and i’m like actually broke and i’m like :/

im sorry ;n; at least it wasn’t too long of a wait? :/ I hope you liked the hair

Anonymous said: I can't find your jisoo ponytails in your downloads?

they’re in my retired section... may they rest in peace. scroll to the bottom of my downloads and youll see ‘RETIRED.’ click that for the retired download page. 

@eclypt-0-sims said: Hi, I recently started making MM hair and I know you're probably an expert at this but; every time I go into CAS to test a hair, all of my accessories clip with the hair. Like the hair texture would cover some glasses if my sim was wearing glasses. I don't know how to fix it, someone told me to delete an eye weight in blender but I don't really understand weight painting that much, any suggestions? love your content btw

this is a late as hell reply i’m sorry. I think that you have texture where the glasses texture would be. Hair texture should only be in hair section or hat section (if you don’t want it hat compatible). Here is a UV map layout that I use for making hair textures. It shouldnt have anything to do with weights

Anonymous said: Do you use reshade when you take previews for your cc? and also is the tropical punch ombre overlay a palette or did you make it?

I do use reshade when I take cc previews. It adds a bit of saturation to my sims and gives them some shadows under their chin/clothes. Nothing major. Also, myself and @imvikai came up with the tropical punch palette together.

@little-eris​ said: You probably have answered this before but who drew your tumblr icon? I’ve seen the same art style with other simmers 👉🏼👈🏼 it’s super cute!

thank you! here is their twitter 

Anonymous said: The male sim in your Tiny Living review looks soo familiar; was there inspiration from anyone IRL? The person he reminds me of isn't even famous so I don't even know! He is very pretty though *-*

He was a gallery sim that I just revamped a bit so I’m honestly not super sure lmao. But he is very attractive yes I agree

that concludes this ask ceremony please collect your things and move to the exit to your left. fvghbjn if you sent something I didn’t answer and it was off anon I’ll get to you soon (person who asked what beards I used for AxA... I see you)

[buckysbest]

CHAPTER ONE: GROWING PAINS PAIRING: best friend!peter parker x reader WARNINGS: swearing, heartbreak, slow burn SERIES SUMMARY: Peter Parker is about to embark in the next chapter in his life with his best friends by his side. A secret relationship, a heartbroken girl, and the pains of growing might be strong enough to pry these friends apart. WORD COUNT: 1.5k A/N: this series is based off the album “the pains of growing” by Alessia Cara! if you want to follow along, you can listen to growing pains (track one on the album)! I hope you like the new story!

series masterlist // masterlist

July

“Jesus Peter!” MJ yelled across the pool, holding her book upside down in an attempt to rid it of the water that joined its pages after your best friend jumped into Liz’s pool. 

“Oh come on MJ! It’s our freaking grad party! Get your head out of that book, I promise it will be there tomorrow!” you giggled, causing a small crack to form in her hardened exterior. From the small smile that snuck onto her face spilled a mumble of agreement as she took off her coverup and joined the group in the pool. Ned and Peter continued their game of Marco polo but now with a third player while Liz sat to your left absolutely glowing in the sun as you both bathed in the warmness that soaked into your skin. Flipping over to your stomach, the cool grain of the sun chair melted away like the stress off your shoulders in the rays that hit your back. A content smile adorned your face as your favorite accessory on most days but today it was a little bigger. The soundtrack to your life was the laughter of your 4 best friends and Aunt may tossing burgers on the grill and you wanted to loop the song for eternity.  This bubbling gratitude showed itself in the form of a wider smile you flaunted throughout the day. 

“Kids! Burgers are done! Come up on the deck yeah?” Aunt May's voice seemed to prompt the apocalypse as MJ, Liz, and Ned sprinted past each other, trying to be the first to the food. A smooth chuckle behind your back sent butterflies to your stomach as you heard Peter exit the pool. 

“Not hungry?” he teased, grabbing the towel off the concrete next to you. 

“Just trying to enjoy the moment a little longer” you smiled, stretching your legs out a little before sitting up and facing the brunette in front of you. A semi-dry hand extended in front of you as he finished drying off his hair. 

“M’lady” A giggle escaped both of your lips as you accepted his hand to get off the low sun chair. “You don't have to wait up for me, I’m gonna clean up down here a bit, will you tell aunt may i’ll be there in a second?”

“Sure, don't take too long. Not sure how much will be left after MJ gets her hands on the food” you poke, sliding on your flip flops and heading up the deck. “Aunt May, go grab a seat! You’ve done enough,” 

“Y/N, you're too sweet” she sighed as you took the apron off her and handed her a made plate. 

You flipped off the grill letting it cool before you scrubbed it down and closed it. “Peter said he would be right up Aunt May” 

“Of course you would know,” Michelle snickered quietly causing a blush to raid your cheeks. You found your seat next to Ned as you put your feet up across his lap. The empty chair next to you was soon filled by Peter. 

Ned’s head dropped a little as he played with the last fry left of his plate. “Man, I’m gonna miss this”

The mood grew somber for a second before you gently slapped his arm, “Ned! There's nothing to miss silly! The three of us got chosen for Stark apprenticeships and MJ and Liz will be right across the street at NYU!”

“Yeah, you're not getting rid of us that easily” MJ chuckled, lifting the spirits of the table around us. Aunt May was the first to go inside. As food was eaten and laughter took over most of the conversation, the sun drifted lower and lower into the sky and the only illumination came from the LEDs lining the porch. Somehow you found yourself curled up on Liz’s lap while MJ stretched out over Peter and Ned. 

“An-and remember when Ned accidentally stole Mrs. Hairns textbook!” MJ cried, laughter and tears emerging from her face as you all mirrored her expression. 

“I thought she was gonna kill me” he laughed, furthering your fit of giggles. 

After this, Ned was the next to enter the house, not that it surprised anyone. He was practically a zombie without his mid-day nap. Then about an hour later, it was MJ, citing her tiredness to ‘putting up with you fools all day’. Leaving just you, Peter, and Liz. 

“Man what a day,” Liz sighed as the three of you walked down to the lawn, blankets in hand. You laid them out and each found your spot under the stars.”I’m really gonna miss you guys”

The bottom of your throat contracted slightly as tears welled in your eyes. “Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too.”

“Y/N, What about what you said earlier! You guys can't be losing hope this early.” Peter nervously retorted.

You braved back the tears and half heartedly agreed,“Yeah, yeah, you're right… I think I’m gonna call it a night.” The two called goodnight to you as you climbed the stairs and enter the dark house. After showering the chlorine and dirt from the day off, you got into your pjs and went to set your alarm. Crap. You crept down the stairs to retrieve your phone from the lawn. You quietly opened the door and pattered onto the deck.

“Peter… Things are gonna change after today… I just wanted to let you know…” You froze at Liz’s queue, peering over the bannister onto the lawn below you. “I am afraid of losing you guys…. I’m afraid of losing you…”

Peter swept the hair behind her ear and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “Nothing will come between us… or the group… I promise.”

Famous Last Words...

My heart dropped into my stomach as I quickly snuck back into the house and to my room. When I collapsed, I let the tears fall freely.

August

“I can't believe my babies are leaving the nest!” Aunt May cried as Peter packed his last box into your car. Aunt May insisted on seeing you out before you drove upstate. 

Peter's face turned a bright pink as he closed the trunk and turned around, “Aunt May.. We’re only like an hour north..”

“That's an hour too far,” she retorted, pulling both of you into a tight hug. “Stay safe, drive slow, and call me when you get there!” 

Your eyes teared as the warm safety that encompassed you dropped with her arms. “Of course Aunt May, Love you” Wiping your eyes, you hopped into the car with Peter copying you on the passenger side. 

“Ready?” he sighed, a smile replacing the frown that was seen on his face just moments ago.

You turned the keys and released a sigh of content as well when the grumble of the engine filled your bones. “Yeah” The trip was a short one. Peter mostly scrolled through his phone and you mostly sang to the songs on the radio. 

After arriving at the new apartment Ned, who had already been there for a week or so, rushed out to help carry in their boxes, “Hey Losers!” After exchanging greetings, box after box was unloaded and placed in the new 4 bedroom suite you shared. You took your time tediously unpacking your contents throughout the day and placing them throughout your room. The boys, not so much. By the end of the night, both of the boys were out in the living room because their rooms were blocked off by boxes. Their sleeping figures warmed your heart as a sad smile found itself on your face for the 30-somethingth night in a row. Finding your way to your bed, your heartstrings were pulled in harmonious fashion, wailing a ballad only you could hear. With another sleepless night threatening your hollow shape, you sighed and walked into the kitchen and bathrooms, unpacking almost the entire apartment. 

The boys awakened around 7:00 due to the rustle of you sorting through the living room boxes and unpacking them. Ned was the first to notice the lack of boxes. “Damn Girl, what time did you wake up!” he laughed.

“I couldn't sleep last night, that's all” you nervously chuckled, catching the attention of Peter. 

Concern painted itself on his face as he walked over and knelt in front of the box you were unpacking. “You couldn't sleep?”

“Yeah, its nothing”

His hand reached out and grabbed yours, stopping you from unpacking, and his eyes searched yours. “What's wrong Y/N?”

“N-Nothing Peter. Just not used to the new setting that's all” 

He let out a suspicious “ok” and returned to his playful behavior with Ned in the kitchen. You quickly wiped a tear from your eye as you picked the box up and folded it, throwing it into the pile.

[hispeculiartreasure]

All We’ve Got is Time - Chapter Thirteen | B.B.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

AU: If They’d Survived/Post-War/Window Washer!Bucky Barnes

Rating: Teen

Word count: 3,540

Chapter 13/24

Warnings: Language

AN: Spanning the time of Bucky’s entire on-site training, this chapter is pretty different from anything I’ve ever done before. I have a sneaking suspicion y’all are really going to enjoy it. Lemme hear your thoughts when you’re done!

Chapter Twelve

‘All We’ve Got is Time’ Masterlist

July 7, 1946

Dear Bucky,

I can already imagine the panic on your face when I hand this to you at the train station this afternoon. I hope you take my assurance that it isn’t a Dear John letter seriously. I just wanted to give you something to read on your long trip to Pennsylvania. A 10 hour train ride to Pittsburgh and then a 2 hour bus ride to New Castle, I think you told me? I know you packed some textbooks but one can only do so much studying in a 12 hour window - you’ll go crazy. And I’d really appreciate it if you returned semi-sane. But I also wanted to circumvent any uncontrollable emotions I may have during a goodbye, no matter how temporary it may be. In short, you’re very welcome.

I know you’re a big brave combat veteran but I also know this training is a big deal for you. It’s all new material, a new place, new people. A lot of change in a really small amount of time. No matter how much you insist that you’re fine, I’ll still commend you for facing this challenge head on. And I’ll be in your corner as long as you’ll let me. Hopefully you’ll be so busy that you forget about any discomfort you may have.

I have to admit, I’m a bit jealous of you. You know how tough work has been the last week. With Anderson piling more tasks on me while he’s been mysteriously out of the office and Flannery being even more strict on how the office is run after the Fourth of July debacle, my job has been exhausting. What I’d give to leave it behind for a while, to learn useful, practical skills. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be - well, I guess I already had my turn, huh? I’m hoping you’ll let me live vicariously through you over the next month. Write to let me know all about what you’re learning and how you’re feeling about it, if you want to. Who knows, you may be able to teach me a thing or two when you get back. But not more than two. That’d be far-fetched. Don’t forget, I did teach you everything you know.

See you in 34 days. That’s doable, right? What am I supposed to do with myself with all this free time? You’ve put quite the cramp in my social life, apparently. I’ll have to see what kind of trouble I can get in without you.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Be good,

Your Girl

July 8, 1946

Sixth Floor,

Gotta admit, you shoving a piece of paper into my hands as you pushed me onto the train did take me by surprise. After the split second of panic I realized you’d miss me too much if you let me go. But in all seriousness, thank you for writing that letter. Kinda felt like I got to carry a little bit of you with me here. That’s cheesy. Nevermind. 

I haven’t written a letter since I was discharged from the army, so I apologize if I’m a little rusty. It’ll be especially strange since my CO won’t be reading it or redacting any information. I’ll have to get Becca to show you some of the letters I sent home - most of the time half of what I wrote had been blacked out due to “sensitive information”. Towards the end of the war my letters were short and sweet, just telling everyone I was alive and okay. I don’t get the impression that the teachers here will have much interest in my mail. Time will tell. But I do remember in the beginning that writing down things that had happened to me over there was helpful. Like I could get a tragic event out of my head with just a pen. Writing down helped make sense of it somehow. Hopefully these letters will have the same effect.

While I technically wrote this on the train, by the time I get this to a post office I’ll have made it to New Castle safely. When I was young we never traveled very far out of the city, so ironically the most “country” I’ve seen was in Europe and it was nowhere near as pleasant as here. Places that have had the ever-loving shit bombed out of them can hardly be called pleasant. Maybe getting out of the city will be good for my head. Like you said, being able to get away from the usual responsibilities to focus only on this training will be a nice break, I think. And a vacation from washing windows. I’m gonna get spoiled.

You called me on my bluff and I like to think I’m an honest man. To be real honest with you. . . I’m nervous. Part of me wonders if I even have what it takes to finish out this training. But I’ll take your word for it. If you think I can do it, you can’t be completely wrong, can you? And don’t worry, the problem won’t be ‘how long will Bucky keep me in his corner’ but closer to ‘will Bucky ever let me OUT of his corner?’. The answer will probably be no. To be determined.

Don’t be afraid to share about your days, too. Maybe it’ll make me a little less homesick, if I get to that point. And I know your days will be infinitely harder without me there by your side. Whatever will you do? I really wish you could be here, though.

33 days better pass quickly, for your sake and for mine. 

Yours,

Bucky

July 12, 1946

Dearest Bucky,

If you can’t actually address a letter with my real name instead of using “Sixth Floor” I’m going to find an embarrassing nickname for you so the postal worker snickers when they hand letters over to you, see how you like it.

It’s been a fairly innocuous week. A quiet one, that’s for sure. Just been trying to keep my head down and avoid Anderson as much as I can. Suzy has dragged me out for dinner and drinks a few times to keep me busy. She says hi, by the way. And she demanded I tell you that if you don’t come back soon, I’m going to drive her crazy with my “mopey-ness”. Also, you owe her a drink for cheering me up while you’re gone - she’ll collect when you return. The other girls are doing great; Alice got married and is moving upstate with her husband, so we’ve got a new girl taking her place. She seems sweet, but extremely shy and quiet. Hopefully she warms up to us soon.

Funnily enough, it’s my turn to write a letter on a train. Earlier this week Mom called and complained about not seeing me often enough since I moved into the city, so I’m on my way to Tarrytown. I hadn’t realized I’ve stayed in town every single weekend since we’d gone steady. Guess I’ve had a good reason to keep my plans open, huh? 

Mom also fished around for when I’d come back next even though I haven’t even arrived yet. In her round-about-way, she hinted that she wants me home for Halloween. I can’t blame her, I’ve never not been home for the festivities. I was going to buy my ticket in advance and began to wonder if I should buy two. One for me, one for you? I mean, if you would like to visit Tarrytown with me the weekend before Halloween? The 31st is a Thursday, which puts a damper on things, but it’ll still be a blast. Mom mentioned wanting to meet this “mysterious new friend” that’s kept me in New York so often.

Since I had the pleasure of meeting your family, I thought I should return the favor and ask if you’d like to meet my parents? If that’s something you’re not comfortable with, I understand being that it’s way ahead of time and a fairly intimate situation. I’m sorry, I’m not being very eloquent am I? You don’t need to make a decision. Just think about it.

How’s it been? Are you getting along with everyone? Tell me everything!

We’re down to 29 days, but that still feels far too long. 

Truly,

My Name is Not Sixth Floor

July 17, 1946

Dear Sassafras,

Buy 2 tickets to Tarrytown. I’m looking forward to spending Halloween with your folks. You’ll have to try a lot harder than that to scare me off.

Have we gone steady? I don’t remember asking you. Did you hypnotize me? Please advise. (Hopefully you can read my teasing tone and not leave me heartbroken as a result of this horrible joke)

Tell Suzy I’ll happily buy her a drink as long as she keeps guys in bars away from you, huh? All is well here. The guys are okay, but they’re not you. No one is you. But chatting passes the time and they’re easy enough to get along with. It’s interesting to see all the different paths that have led us here, all our different motivations. There are people here from all over. I thought I had to travel a long way, but the guy from Maine’s got me beat. His letters take longer to travel too, makes me grateful I get to hear from you fairly often.

I know this doesn’t come as a surprise to you but the training has been tough work. Motor oil is permanently stained into my skin, I’m convinced. But I have to admit that everything you taught me gave me a definite leg-up on most of the other students. I was the only one who could replace a spark plug successfully on the first try. They didn’t believe me when I told them my girl showed me how. Obviously they don’t know my girl.

I was daydreaming the other day about something you whispered to me at Steve’s birthday dinner. It was right after you had finished chatting with Peggy. You kinda tucked yourself into my side when you slid back into the booth, you just grabbed my hand almost wondered out loud, ‘What kind of cake do you like? I wanna know so I make sure you get in on your birthday’. My birthday isn’t even until March, but you were still thinking about me and wanted to have the little bit of info to save for later. The fact that you had ‘for later’ in mind . . .  I think about that a lot.

How are we only at 24 days? Seems like time should be passing faster.

Always,

Bucky

July 22, 1946

James Buchanan,

You’re right, that is a terrible joke. Never do that again or you’ll find I’ve died of a heart attack. Ya big tease.

Speaking of Steve, I dropped by y’all’s apartment on my way home from work to return that book I’d borrowed and we ended up talking for a while. It’s funny, I don’t know if I ever voiced this to you, but he is absolutely nothing that I expected him to be. We were so engrossed in talking about art and literature that I ended up staying way longer than planned, making him late for dinner with Peggy. Hopefully she wasn’t too upset about it. He’s so easy to be around, to let my defenses down with him. I’m really really glad you have him in your life, Bucky. He’s solid, he’s kind, he’s loyal. Knowing him by knowing you has been a treat.

Not to be a downer, but things with Anderson seem to be turning worse. I’m getting up my nerve to talk to Flannery about it. He’s been extra grouchy and demanding. Either he’s raging in his office or he disappears for days at a time. I can’t pick up the slack anymore. And the way he’s been eyeing the new girl - did I tell you her name was Marjorie? I can’t remember - makes me anxious. Something just doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to kick up a fuss, but I’m also reaching the end of my rope and want to look out for the other girls.

Anyway, on to happier things. I remember my hands were covered in all kinds of stains for a while after training, too. Have they taught you to weld yet? That was one of my favorite lessons, welding to fix damage or create a new part. Glad to hear you’re working hard and learning a bunch. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little smug at my having played a small role in your success. I knew you had it in you. Now please don’t prove me wrong out of spite.

You’re such a sweet talker, Barnes, you’re gonna make me shed a tear before this is all over. Of course I think about the ‘for later’s. I like learning the little things about you. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the big picture stuff, we forget about the small details that are even more a part of making us who we are, ya know?

By the way, I’ll kick your ass in 18 days for addressing your letter to Ms. Sassafras Pants. If you won’t properly address, I won’t properly sign. Do you even remember my real name at this point? I got some input from Steve and he recommended a nickname, but it was too offensive for a postman’s eye to put on the outside of the envelope - contrary to popular belief, I do have a reputation to uphold. I’ll let him write it in the postscript. 

Always yours, 

Sixth Floor

(I’d rather be Sixth Floor than Sassafras)

P.S. I only told her to call you a dumbass. -SR

July 27, 1946

Sixth Floor,

I hope you appreciate your proper name on the envelope this time. But please let me keep calling you by your nickname inside. Sound like a deal?

Anderson hasn’t made you feel unsafe, has he? Are you okay? Do I need to send Steve over to teach him a lesson? I trust you’re fully capable of looking after yourself, but a visit from Captain America couldn’t hurt, could it? You know he’d be there in a heartbeat if you asked.  I hope the conversation with Flannery was helpful. Keep your eyes and ears open, your gut feelings are usually right. Lemme know what I can do, I feel useless sitting all the way in Pennsylvania.

 I feel like I’m starting to get overwhelmed by all the information. Training isn’t over for a couple more months, I know that, and having Harvey’s help makes me feel a little better. But some days I wonder if I’m cut out for this. If I’m smart enough for it. Can I even fake it good enough to pass? Sorry for rambling. Just processing, I guess. Don’t know if I could ever say that out loud.

But did you know they’re starting to talk about putting telephones in the radios of cars? Isn’t that crazy? And apparently new models are going to have power-operated windows. Guess the future is coming fast. I’ve also discovered that I hate carburetors with every fiber of my being and they hate me back. The majority of the time it feels good to work with my hands, to keep my brain busy. As an aside, when were you planning on telling me you knew how to weld? Envisioning you handling a welding gun is both adorable and incredibly attractive. Is that too much? Probably. Oh well.

I miss you. 2 weeks left ‘til I’m home. August 10th, please come quick.

Thinking of you,

Dumbass

P.S. Steve - write me letters your damn self if you miss me so much. Dumbass. 

August 1, 1946

My dearest Bucky,

I get to see you this month - that feels so good to say! We’ve almost made it! Given the timing of our past letters this is probably my last one before I get to hug you. I miss you so much, but honestly, writing letters has been fun. Our relationship blossomed from only speaking with our hands and mouthing words, and here we are now, only using the written word. We’ve come full circle, huh?

Truly, I don’t think I’m in danger at work. Just extremely irritated and on guard. I don’t feel the need to involve Steve at this point, or Peggy. Let’s be honest, she could take him down in the most satisfactory way that would definitely tarnish the symbol of Captain America. You’re sweet to worry, though. Just keep listening, that’s all I ask right now.

I had dinner with Becca last night. I hope that’s okay, I don’t want to cross any kind of boundary that would make you uncomfortable. We had such a pleasant time, though. I feel like we are both so very similar, having overcome a lot of the same struggles. We bonded over our parents worrying about us ending up as old maids and the trouble they had with us working rather than homemaking. Your mom sent cookies with Becca. To be fully transparent, I definitely ate the entire sack that night. Think Winnifred will teach me her ways? Also, I had no idea how interesting being a telephone operator is - the stories Becca had to tell about the people she interacts with! She’s a saint and hilarious and I adore her. She also had some incredibly interesting stories about you. . . we should discuss how angry Monopoly makes you. . . I’m tempted to play a game with you, Steve, and Peggy - I’m aware that could rocket us into another world war, but it’d be fun to watch, no? 

I don’t have the words to describe how proud of you I am. I know it hasn’t been easy, I know change can be hard. I know you have doubts. But you are so close to finishing, to reaching a major milestone in your career. I have full faith in you - you can do this. Me, Harvey, Becca, Steve, and everyone else is rooting for you. And if it doesn’t work out, so what? You tried something, you put in work and effort. Finding something you don’t like is just as helpful as finding something you do. You have other options, you always do. I mean, we know you are an impeccable window washer, so. . . Whichever way you decide to go, I’m with you for the ride. 

Only 9 days left. I can’t wait to see you at the train station.

Affectionately yours,

Sixth Floor

August 6, 1946

Darling Sixth Floor,

The more I think about it, the more I realize that being here has been helpful in a lot of ways I didn’t expect. I’ve bounced from being surrounded by family, then an army, the Commandos, and back to family, I haven’t really had space to figure out who I am away from all of that. I’m still working on finding that out, but the breathing room has been. . . enlightening. Is that word too hoity-toity? Probably. Oh well, you can make fun of me for it in a few days. As nice as it’s been to get away from the city, my fingers are itching for New York. Doesn’t hurt that you’re there.

You having dinner with Bec doesn’t bother me a bit. I’m a little worried you’ll like her more than you like me, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Whatever she told you about Monopoly is a lie - I did not throw anything, she is the agressive board game addict. Unfortunately as per the Howlies, Peggy and Steve are not allowed to play Monopoly together. We tried when we were snowed in to camp one winter and I’m not exaggerating when I say they almost killed each other. Well, Peggy almost killed Steve. Those nails of hers are lethal, you know.

Ma would be thrilled if you asked her to help you bake, although you will be in danger of her never letting you leave the kitchen ever again. The woman has a lot of wisdom to impart and all the time in the world. This may sound weird but. . . I like you getting along with my family. Not sure why. But it feels nice, having you fit in so seamlessly.

One of the guys recently asked how long we’d been together and I really had to think about it for a second before answering. Not to wax poetic, but it’s strange to me that we’ve only known each other since April. Four months of knowing you and continuing to know you every day. You’re so familiar to my life now, I can hardly imagine a time when you weren’t in it.

Thank you for having faith in me. Thank you for being an encourager. Thank you for opening up this new life to me. The world has only gotten brighter since you walked into that skyscraper all those months ago.

By the time you get this, I’ll probably be within a few hours of home. But as of this moment, I’ll see you in 4 days. I can’t wait.

See you soon,

Your Window Washer

Chapter Fourteen

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[jasmineangus]

I entered 2020 with high hopes and expectations after experiencing the biggest confidence knock of my life. I decided to stay positive and think of all the things I would do this year to prove people wrong and to make myself proud. The year started off with some amazing celebrations and hard work. Being eighteen was amazing and my life was about to begin. Then whispers started emerging bout ghosts I had left in the year prior, rumours and speculation tinted my rose tinted glasses black until I had lost a friend (to what I still couldn’t tell you) and the confidence ceased to exist again. But my amazing family and friends built me up once again.

Until the 18th March. The day the earth stood still in my eyes. Everything I had spent the last 5 years working towards, all my goals and aspirations shattered. The one thing I wanted to leave this year feeling was proud and that was stripped away from me alongside my exams. Then as we entered this alternative universe and me and my friends suddenly because keyworkers and our parents stayed at home, I became adjusted to this new norm whilst tackling my own demons simultaneously. We stood outside every Thursday hoping to clap the virus away. We kept our distance and we washed our hands.

Throughout all this I had been spending months away from the love of my life and zoom calling my friends twice a week. We were all determined to stay connected even when we couldn’t physically. But it hurt and it was hard, but the fact that everyone was doing it made it that bit easier.

Fast forward a few boring months and we hit summer. The summer, the time of growth and memories. Laughter, sun, long nights and sweaty days. We were finally allowed out and I was so desperate to feel the arms of the most important person in my life around me. I longed for the touch of familiarity, something that would make this all feel like some bad dream. But when I felt that touch it was presented with coldness, but because of the summer sun I couldn’t feel it. Maybe I chose to ignore it, or it was a subtle breeze, but it marked the breakdown of something I thought was indestructible.

3rd July. A day I had felt myself again, with the girls being as stupid as always until at around 10pm my world fell apart. What felt like home had combusted into flames and as I ran towards the fire to salvage anything left, he told me he had made his mind. My role in this was obsolete. I had no say. So I spent the summer months wasting away in my room asking myself “what went wrong?”. I doubted every essence of my being until I was my worst enemy. Food repulsed me, water made me feel sick. I just wanted to physically waste away until my body matched the state of my mind. The love and devotion I had, and still have is relentless and trust me I know it’s pathetic, I’m the first one to point it out. But when you build up a future with someone it’s hard to just let it all slip away.

13th August. Now I didn’t think the government could find anymore ways to fuck us over this year but they found a way to roll me over and fuck me sideways with my grades. Fortunately, I was able to get into Manchester and do the degree I wanted but at this point I didn’t want it anymore. I had no passion, no drive and with everything that had happened I wasn’t ready for change. In a world that stood still for 3 months the change in pace scared me so much. But we did it. We moved 175 miles away to Manchester and it was up there with the hardest things I’ve done but I did it. But then I hated it. The course wasn’t what I’d expected, I was still heartbroken and just didn’t like the change. I stuck it out, and by November this place began to feel like home. By my birthday I found myself smiling without faking it, the pressure on my shoulders lifted, maybe thing had finally gotten better.

No.

They hadn’t.

On 24th November at 7:26am I received a call from my mother saying that my grandad had passed away, alone in the ICU. I couldn’t do anything. I was stuck in my room, alone. I couldn’t help my mum, my sister, my grandma. The man who had kept the family together all these years was now gone and everyone was so lost. My mum had to condole my grandma and tell her repeatedly that her partner of 68 years wasn’t there anymore, and I couldn’t do anything to help. It makes me feel sick but I had a gut feeling this was going to happen, it was 2020 after all. Once my mum told me he was having a hip operation, my stomach dropped and I just knew it wouldn’t go well. But nonetheless I thought positively thinking that it was just me being pessimistic. It wasn’t. By the time that was over I thought that I could go home and celebrate Christmas in peace, the year had taken enough hadnt it?

But it’s was nowhere near the end of it. I come home and my best friend, my world and my soulmate had lost crazy amount of weight and gets ill. My baby girl Ayley (yes she’s a cat, and what) is wasting away, but she’s a fighter and I know she’ll carry on, she always has. But I woke up this morning and my stomach dropped and I just knew. My best friend of over 15 years passed away this morning and heartbreak doesn’t even cover it. People always rant and rave about dogs being mans best friend, which I’m sure they are. But the connection I had with that cat is something I could never explain. We were like 2 peas in a pod and she will always remain in my heart. She knew when I was in a depressive state and wouldn’t leave my side when I was like that. She had so much personality and charisma and anyone who met her really was truly blessed.

There is 2 weeks left of this year and I can’t lie, I’m terrified. This year had knocked so much out of me, I really do look in the mirror and don’t recognise myself anymore. I don’t know who I am. I feel so lost and hollow these days and to be honest don’t see the point in a lot of things. I haven’t made myself proud this year and I haven’t proven anyone wrong. This year has taken so much, I don’t know what I can give back anymore. I am so scared to get attached or make commitments now because what if they just walk out or leave too. 2020 has been a tough year for everyone I know, and I am so proud of so many people I know for achieving and getting through the things the have. 2020 has won this year, because I have nothing else to give.