#so its just like. i dont understand why this comes up SO much in the ocpd community
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civilbucky · 2 days ago
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I saw thunderbolts today 🥹
NON SPOILER OPINIONS!
i think for starters the casting was done BEAUTIFULLY!
lewis pullman did an amazing job as bob and i would actually die for him. 10/10
this movie was such a breath of fresh air. marvel i feel like actually listened to what fans wanted and did a great job.
laughed way more than i expected??? had my ass giggling so much omg.
i feel like people saying this movie sucked or was mid missed the point IMO
it was sooooooo nice seeing accurate super soldier strength and little details pertaining to them being super soldiers. *chefs kiss*
THUNDERBOLTS SPOILERS AHEAD
I WAS SO FUCKING FERAL I CANT BELIEVE HOW MUCH SCREENTIME BUCKY HAS
YELENA AND ALEXEI???? OH MY GOOOOOOOOD WHEN ALEXEI SAVES THAT LITTLE GIRL AND IMMEDIATELY GET SMOKES WAS SO FUCKING CRUEL HE SAW YOUNG YELENA AND I COULDVE SWORN SHE WAS GONNA DIE LIKE SOME TWISTED ASS FORESHADOWING 😭 their relationship in this movie actually hurt me so much i loved getting more from them!!! also the thunderbolts being named after her soccer team was so sweet. alexei was such a dad and SHOWED UP! even after being torn into by yelena.
i loved wyatt russell. i think hes such an amazing actor and i feel like we get so much more walker that shows his true color. i love that marvel doesnt try and make him a hero nor do they try and make him "redeemable". he truly is himself and selfish in ways where he puts himself first and then others second. his wife leaving him and taking his child are the consequences of his own actions, and we can empathize with him without feeling like they were trying to make us love him. he is such an interesting character and i loved him in this movie.
WHY WOULD THEY KILL TASKMASTER SO EARLY ON?!?! SHE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL AND IT WOULDVE BEEN AMAZING TO SEE!!! i get its more comic accurate but she was such a fascinating character. wish i couldve seen her more.
i feel like ghost didnt have as much depth in this movie compared to quantumania. i still loved her character in this movie and she was quick as shit on her feet talkin mad shit to john which KILLED ME they were all so funny 💀 she was so useful and brutally honest and i could gush over her all day.
and now to bucky... my main MAN 😫 PERSONALLY WOULDNT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HANDLE HIS VOID I WAS CRYING ENOUGH IN THAT MOVIE!!! i wouldve loved to see it but it was so nice watching a movie where he wasnt constantly suffering. he is such an amazing character and i was sobbing at the fact that he never truly wanted to fight and was always thrown into wars, and now he was saving people and working with a team to try and help people rather than killing them. their faces when people were cheering for them had me losing it in the theater. i feel like to a point valentina did rope him in to be the new avengerz (hehe thank you alexei) but he seemed genuinely happy and i feel like itll be so good for him to feel like he can do good and prove it to himself.
alSO HIM AND SAM FIGHTING AND BEING BORDERLINE ENEMIES???? COME FUCKING ON NOW!!!!! i feel like sam shouldve been supportive but i completely understand the anger about the name. but my baby is doing so good leave him alone!!! he wants to do good!!!! (i dont truly believe they are enemies. i think they have such a solid foundation they will come back from this but it broke my heart)
personally could talk about bob all day. the way his back story was set up and his home life??? DAMN!!! he was an anazing character with such a range and depth that lewis pullman really hit it out of the park. sentry was so haunting to see and the void really had me crying in the club. showing how much it can help you to just lean on your friends around you was such an amazing touch. after the post credit scenes of him not being sentry/the void anymore i am so excited and curious for what they do in doomsday!!! GAHHHHHH BOB I LOVE YOU!!!
all in all 100000000/10 the mental health and leaning on people for help was so beautiful and well done. yelena taking responsibility and telling bob that she was wrong about shoving it down was something to BEHOLD. i absolutely loved this movie and i think all characters being their authentic self really made it.
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danitheforeverdm · 2 days ago
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ok so with the reveal that Heinrich comes from the thought of his existence, i really wanna try going through the whole series and seeing if and how this kind of origin could apply to other phenomenon we've seen. Starting with this post, im going to try and go through all the reoccurring monsters and see what we can conclude. Bonzo (my beloved): this one is actually quite easy. He's already ugly as sin and then a guy commited a murder dressed as him. Enough people combined the thought of Bonzo and brutal murder, to create the Bonzo we all know and love. Interestingly this does not explain why Bonzo seems to want to kill the serial killer who created him. Strange.
Ink5oul: This one is a little shaky, cause we kinda got two things going on? First, the Oscar Jarret tattoos. Tattoos that look so real that they are exactly that, real. But then all the other magical effects dont really seem to line up. yes Ink5oul picks up supernatural qualities, being the creator of supernatural tattoos, and i suppose their tattoo process being especially brutal could just come from the fear of pain, but why can they turn any tattoo real? Ink5oul also expresses a desire for mystery, just like Heinrich does. Maybe this middle ground between being unknown and known is what makes reality malleable?
The Magnus Institute: Obviously the truth here is going to be VERY COMPLICATED and will need more reveals to explain, but we'll try with what we have. We have Sam's description of being there, being asked questions he doesnt really understand, and being made to feel like her answers them wrong. Potentially they treated all the kids like this, specifically to gain this association as judges or as *interviewers who can pull information out of you*. The institute using kids is also interesting, seeing as kids perception also seems to play in with Bonzo and Heinrich. Perhaps, as they simply dont understand the interconnection of the world yet, their understanding occupies that middle ground much stronger, like how kids are more inclined to worry Frankenstein is after them, after hearing a story about him. As for the guy doing magic in his office? I have no clue. Notably none of this theory interacts with the alchemy part of this magic system, so we're still pretty far from anything concrete. I will add as a final note, The Archivist is quite a bit more then just a person who gets your info, also being an eye covered monster (this never happened in Arhcives, eye avatars either staying in human shape, or becoming those one eyed things). I think the archivists form isn't just from the interviews, but spending years trapped in a creepy place people like exploring, was further warped by being feared and non-understood.
The Computer System: this is a firm "i have no clue". There is still the x-factor of the alchemy side of things. Alchemy probably being a way to intentionally create the horrors, so maybe that's the computer systems origin. Alternatively, maybe it is just about how programmers hate old systems and see them as endlessly complicated? Maybe that, combined with knowing the horrors exist (due to being in the OIAR), caused the system to mutate? Ironically if the Perception Effect is its origins, Gwen denying its dangerous would actually make it safer. Or maybe not. Part fof me does have a feeling once thought becomes fact, those facts become far more immutable. Also Lena still exists. Her thorough understanding of the system should be holding its shape firm.
from here i cant think of any more. I do think theres actually a lot to this theory maybe. If im straight up right, build me a statue
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box953 · 3 months ago
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genuinely i think wolf 359 is a podcast that benefits from relistening to it. It has for me at least. These characters are all at odds with each other constantly but they all have their own compelling motivations, and i think its hard to be able to parse all that out on a first listen because you naturally gravitate toward one guy or a couple guys and then sort of have a natural defense against the characters antagonizing them in the series.
But because wolf 359 has so much going on behind these characters and their thought processes and their actions i think every character is incredibly compelling and being able to relisten to it with a new perspective and purposefully sitting back and taking in the other characters and how they fight against each other and what theyre doing and how theyre all getting in each other’s ways all the Time is so interesting.
I love how much conflict is in this podcast it’s sooo interesting. We put all these guys in space just to see the social implications of it all tbh.
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bipunkharrington · 1 year ago
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There's something that infuriates me so much about people mocking characters that fall into the "not like other girls" trap, because the reasons girls take on that stance is because they exist in a society that tries to put womanhood and femininity in a restrictive box that tells them who and how they should be.
They're generally mocked and derided for not wishing to conform to stereotypical femininity, but when they lash out in entirely predictable but ultimately unhelpful ways (by being dismissive and rude about other women and femininity in general) instead of understanding that it's a product of growing up in a society that's restricting them and punishing them for not conforming (either by choice or inability) so many people who claim to be feminists choose to mock them or make them out to be the cause of the problem rather than a symptom. Whether its being mocked in real life, or watching people deride the fictional characters they relate to, this behaviour just alienates those girls even further into thinking that the issue is other women, and confirms their belief that women who are typically feminine will only ever be derisive toward them and that they're somehow fundamentally different from other women.
If you know someone who thinks along those "I'm not like other girls" lines instead of mocking them try directing them towards resources that can help them understand where that harmful rhetoric comes from, and when you're critiquing characters that fit that mold try to consider why they behave that way, and what girls who see themselves in those characters take from your commentary.
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 7 months ago
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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simptasia · 1 month ago
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you know britpicking? like where an american writes a fanfic set in england, or with an english character, and they get an english friend to look through it and check through it to see if the terms and phrases are accurate? (eg. flat instead of apartment)
well i propose there be such a concept for star trek
because people in star trek talk differently than modern humans. they use different words, different slang, phrasings. yes, they can speak casually but mostly it isn't like us. watch any of 90s trek and you'll see These People Do Not Speak Like Us
and, no disrespect, a lot of fic does not reflect this. and it irks me. they just speak like modern day people instead of... star trek characters. i personally think part of the fun of writing trek characters is writing it out to how they speak and how they would think
hell, this isnt even a fanfic problem. modern trek has this issue too. i think outta laziness. they have their people talking (and when in casual wear, dressing) like 2020s people and it pisses me off
its part of why strange new worlds feels like a high budget SNL skit
annnnyways. i propose this idea be called fact trekking
#i came up with that pun literally just now and im so proud#im fucking pedantic okay#i understand that fanfic is transformative works but#it makes my eye twitch when they dont talk like star trek characters#i'd be lenient and allow swearing! even though use of the word ''fuck'' makes me flinch in moment trek. use it in fics. fine#an interesting little example is that trek characters rarely if at all refer to their job as ''work''#you ever notice that? they tend to say ''i'm on duty'' or ''i have a shift'' or something like that. never ''i have work''#uhm. chronometer instead of clock. they use 24 hour time instead of am/pm#and they say it way more than regular 24 time users#like. i use 24 hour and i still say things like 3 pm#but a star trek character would call that ''fifteen hundred hours''. even casually. this is ALWAYS the case#another one thats been BUGGING me: guys. i promise you. trek characters use minced oaths#they say ''oh god'' or ''oh dear god'' or ''oh my god'' and variations upon. they dont have cultural christianity but its still a thing#they just never use ''jesus christ'' as a minced oath. never ever. but i promise you a trek character can say ''oh my god''#they do it lots of times in canon. so its baffling and annoying#how often in fic i see trek characters saying ''oh stars'' and ''oh my stars'' ????? what the fuck guys. thats not a thing!#yeah most characters in trek are agnostic or athiest but that doesnt mean they cant use god as an exclamation#that doesnt apply in real life does it. and the ''stars'' thing is just. not a thing at all in canon. shut up#you wanna avoid religious reference so much it makes you look stupid. comes across as immature and petulant#its the ''religion doesnt exist in the future'' crowd i just know it is. but i digress#ohhh and not even just phrasings. theres also when theres just shit that doesnt conform to how federation society people would think#trek itself has this problem too because modern thinking sneaks in but OH MY GOSH THEY WOULDNT HAVE COMPHET#WHY WOULD THEY HAVE COMPHET AND SEXISM AND HOMOPHOBIA. it doesnt! go with! federation culture!#julian bashir has not felt internalized queerphobia a second in his life. why would he. what would cause that#sorry. that shit is a trek fandom peeve of mine. can y'all remind yourselves these people are from the 24th century#and their culture and way of thinking would be different. im saying these to actual trek writers too. sigh. have some imagination#julian has other serious issues. but having issues with being bi would not be one of them. you're making stuff up with no sensible basis#reading some fic or watching some trek like: ...okay does this writer even wanna write for trek#notice im not talking about treknobabble cuz that shit is over my head. i mean day to day manner of speech and certain ways of thinking
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triglycercule · 1 month ago
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so like something something horror keeps on not eating as mtt are traveling around and then he ends up either taking a shit hit that incapacitates him for a bit or crashing out around food or becoming really lethargic or just in general passing the fuck out
neither dust nor killer mention it (because why should they its not their business) until it ends up getting them almost killed and now goddamn it horror your refusal to acknowledge your own issues and self hatred and guilt is making all of you now have to deal with it 😒😒😒😒 thanks a lot man,,,,,,
anyways something something horror actually has to start eating now or trying to get better because it would really be nice if they didn't have to keep on lugging him around like a suitcase because he's a glass cannon 🧡 mtt on their way to ignore each other's issues unless it inconveniences them
#this takes place in the same universe as my mtt fic because thats peak triglycercule mtt take#i MAY rewrite my chapters where killer's there 🧡 for peace of mind#but as always horror ideas come first because he's my boy. he's my fellow i am the horror representative afterall#i do have other ideas for killer and dust too but this one was the clearest#killer analysis on its way to take a 4th month to finish are you guys proud of me yet 🧡#also horror is so glass cannon core to me. dust is like a long range distance bombardment like a fucking touhou game#horror hits hard but he's also very easy to knock down. dust has spamming on his side but is easily swayed emotionally#killer??? he's good both defensively and offensively but the issue is the guy relies so much on fuckinf likeeee#brute force and cheap tricks (bc if it works why try improving it) that the guy just has no idea how to actually strategize#mmmm triglycercule youre wrong about killer.....mmm no im not 🧡 horrordust could easily clock his ass hes too used to predicting#killer's just like the human in our regard where fully maxed out stats means you can just tank hits and memorize patterns#but when your enemies have dodging skills and know how to switch up their patterns and also have dirty tricks of their own then what???#anyways will probably write this later once im done with the analysis. ive set a rule upon myself to not do any other projects until itsdon#well also i CANT because everything i want to do requires full mtt and i dont have full mtt if i dont understand killer#tricule rant
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rxttenfish · 4 months ago
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dont get me wrong, i hate the trend of villain backstory movies and shit just as much as anyone else, but i swear i have yet to see anyone talk about them and why theyre bad that doesnt just default to "some people are just ontologically evil and trying to understand why evil happens or what justification leads people to evil actions, let alone treating those who do evil acts as people as much as anyone else, is a farce and evil people are just subhuman who must be punished for it."
like. have you considered maybe its just that theyre bad because theyre continually bloating old IPs instead of taking risks on new ones, and weakening what came before for it. maybe we can go for this as an explanation, that its messy storytelling driven from profit, before we start going for "theres simply a class of people who are evil and whom you, dear viewer, will Never Be, Assuredly."
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angy-grrr · 3 months ago
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I don’t get why ppl keep saying bkdk is dead or Horikoshi broke off bkdk. If that were true, this extra would look very different as you pointed out multiple times. The extra was still heavily focused on them and I hate how ppl are letting one no dictate the entire relationship. Izuku asks him to be a special lecturer too. I think the no just needs more clarification but other than that it is mostly fine. If a ship were to be shut down by the creator, it would look very different. Same logic for if a ship were to be canon, it would look different than what we got in the end for izu///ocha. This extra was bad in different ways from ships. It was just a whole lot of nothing that doesn’t meaningfully add anything to the story but I guess we shouldn’t be surprised since it is an extra. It is still an ambiguous ending that can be pretty fixable by one shots by Horikoshi in the future or even better by fanfiction lol. Except for the Toga part. That is just inexcusable
himiko-chan :(
and yeah! like even tho 431 is terrible not only for pairs but also for the whole story, it only confirmed Katsuki feels something really strong for deku and he doesnt notice bc he doesnt consider himself to be that great; they keep talking, and they keep being in each other's lives with no problem -they also imply they will work on communicating their feelings, as the special lecture is about this topic and deku also thinks katsuki doesnt see himself in a high regard. This is actually something that could be used in the future, as their relationship and arc isnt completely finished -in the way that they arent at a point of no miscommunication, no yearning, etc. They still need something to work with in regards to themselves and each other in the process. When it comes to midoriya and uraraka, idk what exactly could develop from what 431 tell us -seems to be mostly about paying attention to the ppl in your life instead of just letting life happen I guess? But idk what conversation or arc they could have together that wasn't resolved already, it was a really weird choice to focus on them as if there needs to be more explored -which is why choosing to not make them talk to each other nor think of the other in these years is potentially interesting, like the only way they could actually need to talk things up or have a separated special moment is if they just stop being friends and want to talk more from now on. Like, if they kept their friendship these years and were part of the other's life, there wouldnt be a moment like this at all.
I think it hurt mostly ochako -and deku if we interpret it as "deku just wants to be teacher, he is super happy about it, and loveeees so much his ex bestie after 8 years of no contact and never thinking about her"-, more than the bkdk relationship.
It would be interesting to see those one shots, if he does them -I know he said he wanted to do more things and little drawings and content for it, but idk if he will do something elaborate or just one page of something silly. I think he still has to opportunity of working with the material and make something at least not this bad -or completely ignore 431 and just continue with their adventures like 430 implies lol If he wants to double down with the "romance" I have no idea how he could do it with what he has tbh, unless he just ignores the plot and their personalities.
#grrr talking#thanks bc I was getting a little crazy like wowowowow am I just making things up in my head???#I think bkdk keep having romantic connotation even if deku is so clueless#and while is sad to see them be insecure about themselves I think they do have reasons to do this more than ochako#she did learn her lesson with 429 and talked things with deku already -which is why you had to make them go no contact for them to even#have a “moment” -there was no need for them to develop anything with their friendship. and it still ended in a friendly note#while katsuki and deku never got to actually talk about their feelings alone#nor discussed all the trauma related to each other -the quirklessness the war shigaraki killing him the guilt over so many things#deku on another hand doesnt really have much to tell uraraka that would fit them as there wasn't a moment the war actually involved them tr#truly besides the himiko moment -which would lead to himiko's love for ochako and while this could be used to make her confess#its really... bad honestly considering thats the only thing that relates them -another girl who loves both#there wasn't a moment of him paying special attention to her in a romantic coded way and everything was just... pretty friendly honestly#while the war directly involved katsuki being targeted for being the closest to deku of them all#I makes sense for them to need to talk about this in comparison#what deku as a character needs is to consider why he doesnt see himself as important and why isnt he allowed to accept more for him than#what he got#and I just dont see how this could work with her considering they dont have a real friendship anymore#I cant see neither trying to push the other into being honest about hidden feelings for the other bc... why would they have that?#and why wouldnt they just talk about it before? as I said their arc was really done before the extra#which is why you had to make them lose their friendship and want to talk more from now on -bc if they keep being friends there wouldnt be#any moment that could be ambiguous enough#but with katsuki there are things left unsaid even when keeping in contact that involve each other and their self esteem#meaning they need to work in their communication#with 431 deku “going for” uraraka doesnt come off as “him choosing himself” and “living his life”#bc it was a decision that didnt involve any internal discussion about why he is the way he is#its not framed as him finally choosing for himself or being selfish -he just found her in his way home and wanted to talk more after no con#contact#he is still insecure about his needs and doesnt understand what katsuki means when he talks in such abstract ways#its not like he understood “oh I have to choose someone” or “I have to find my special person” bc he wasn't embarrassed about wanting to t#talk to her -he loves everyone yeah but he wants to talk to her more (they haven't talked to each other in so many years!)
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mothbeasts · 1 month ago
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sometimes I wish I wasn't a hater over such stupid things but like. it all builds up and boils over and if I can't be a hater about stupid fandom drama I'm vaguely involved in I know it will actually ruin my life. c'est la vie.
#bee's buzzing#i feel so mean and evil for it and its like. i do noooot want to like. Make Callout Posts and drag people through the dirt by name yknow#but when ppl have consistently talked shit about my friends and also theyre just annoying as fuck#and do not understand anything or think with their brains.#i cannot take it. it drives me up a wall.#true centi fans know exactly who i am talking about but 1) they both have me blocked lmao. 2) i dont wanna be Overly Cruel by naming them#even if i hate them soooo much at this point.#anyway this is why i dont post much i/eytd content publicly it lost its charm when i TRIED to join the fandom and like#got my friends with me#and they got dragged through the fucking Dirt over a stupid joke and ive been made to feel like#idk. a bitchy lesbian (true) because i cannot fathom how theyve characterized this man the way they have#and how theyre fucking hypocrites.#and how this fandom makes me fucking Terrified to actually speak my mind lest i be turned to viscera#though maybe this is the paranoia and anxiety speaking i dont know. whatever. what fucking everrrrrr.#idk last time i tried 2 open discussion in the main tag about how i as a weird dyke just feel left out of the fandom#it just left me feeling worse than before. and got me blocked by someone i actually was trying my hardest to have a real discussion with#like im sorry for being abrasive and coming off badly i guess? im deeply mentally ill and also autistic idk.#whatever.#nobody look at me im having a moment
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hauntingblue · 7 months ago
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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...
#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him#jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene#in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs#it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress#silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable#i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be#surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her#not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really#anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended#reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand#her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her#maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them#idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure#and this couldn't have been avoided#talking tag#watching arcane#three weeks away still.... what now....
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arundolyn · 7 months ago
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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srldesigns6277 · 1 year ago
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#personal#sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to#or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes#god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens#then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class#a class that had already ran off one teacher#but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules#last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes#i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year#its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me#sadly i can understand why their teacher left#and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me#but im just tired#its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again#but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job#one actually teaching my correct subject that i love#i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school#*it has the most substitute jobs#i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough#if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years#sorry being sad on main#if you read this#thanks
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liuisi · 4 months ago
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every day me and my friends singlehandedly try to keep the kids in this church from getting more whitewashed
#julia.txt#shakes them. you will think back on this and you will think back on the opportunities you had when you are older#and you will regret and you will think tk yourself why did i not make it easier on myself when i was still young#i KNOW its hard and i KNOW its not intuitive and i KNOW it feels pointless but you have to TRY#you have to try and you have to stick to it or else you will regret it so deeply#hold on to what you have !!! before you lose it !!!!#idk at what point is it a lost cause and you just have to give in and realize that we cant preserve everything#but i dont want to give up !! i dont care if their freeking parenrs have given up i dont care if the entire church has given up on it#i will give them what i can!! i will try to !!!#augh. punches a wall. idk i cant force them but also i WAS them i UNDERSTAND .#and i know where i am at now and what i regret#it does make me want to cry sometimes because we try so HARD#i spend so much time translating and they dont. care.#and i dont begrudge them that obvs theyre kids. like its not that deep#but it's more of like. idk are our efforts really worth anything?#i think in the end it simply comes down to me not wanting things to change#and they WILL. i know they will. but i dont WANT them to#i just. i cant spend the entirety of my life up until a few years ago in this church where everything was in arabic and then.#i UNDERSTAND that things have to change at some point because its not fair to the kids to have them attend meetings they dont understand#and thats NOT THEIR FAULT. they just. didnt have the encadrement my generation had#but it makes me SAD okay it makes me sad to think that one day we wont be using the arabic hymn book anymore#i just. i dont know. i dont know. its almost 4 am i should sleep
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wisconsindean · 4 months ago
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do not look at this i’m just gonna be throwing a fit in the tags and i need to feel like its going somewhere
#look. i love my roommate. p much my best friend. i am also this close to fucking killing them dead#the way they live. stresses me out#like i work 40 hours a week. 4 10 hour days. in the medical field#she works like… 16 hours a week. 4 4 hour days. basically babysitting#doing crafts and watching children in an after school program#so tell me why the fuck i’m doing like 95% of the work around the apartment#and shes stressing me out rn in particular cause the hours she works are like. 2-6 pm#and when i’m off work i dont see her wake up/come out of her room until like 1#but the thing is. is that instead of doing things she needs to do before going to work#shes decided to do her laundry after she gets home#so its 10pm and im trying to go to bed so i can go to work in the morning#but im just listening to the fucking washing machine which is on the other side of the wall from my head :)#bestie :) do you have thoughts :) in your head :) ever#and she barely does her dishes she never takes out the trash#she leaves food in the fridge and pantry for way too long and instead of eating stuff she has she just buys more stuff#shes so messy her shit is everywhere and shes like boarderline a hoarder actually#girl you have enough stuff. its time to stop i think#she does not think before she buys anything#she loves vintage/antique things#and she basically just sees something and goes ‘i like that’ and buys it#without thinking if she actually needs it or is gonna use it#i swear 90% of the time shes forgotten that she bought anything by the next day#its just abandoned somewhere among her stuff#im like girl. im begging you to try and get a normal sleep schedule so you can be up and doing adult things during the day#bc i pay for half this apartment and im about to bite you#and she doesnt seem to understand why i want to sleep at night#it like. confuses her#she tries to get me to watch like three movies in a row with her after work and when im like okay i need to go to bed she actually like#pouts at me#and ik from experience if i dont sleep enough i get really mean and dysfunctional. so
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rearranging-deck-chairs · 5 months ago
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rewatching 13s era for me is not so much diminishing returns as it is something opposite and eviler...............increasing losses? increasing losses
#every time i rewatch an episode the points where it couldve been better poke me in the eye#maybe probably the exact same thing would happen with any other thing i would get this obsessed about#you stare at something long enough its flaws will become ever more apparent#you love something enough everything it could have been but IS NOT becomes ever more painful#i watched 13x5 tonight.........honestly what the fuck goes on#no these were my responses now 3 years and probably a dozen rewatches in:#1) what the fuck goes on#2) philosophically stilll utterly unintelligible to me i might be stupid#swarm and azures whole thing. like. everything they say about their Schemes is completely......incoherent. i dont understand it.am i stupid#3) feels like most agents in these plots are just doing busywork. but might be my inability to understand plot again#but like diane?? who is she what is she why is she#4) 13s message to yaz 'flux destroys universe so refugees coming take over earth your task' is.....like.....profoundly......wtf#and seemingly easily fixable: flux destroys universe refugees come to earth find a way to welcome them#get unit involved THAT way. right?#unit as the liaison between humanity and alienity. rebrand#but maybe that doesnt work with the snakeman plot idfk im stupid with plot#5) scenes between 13 and tecteun couldve been so much more. mastervoice: i have Notes. first and least: tecteun shouldve called her Child#damn now i want to do 13 era rewrite again#i really should do that one day i think it would be good for my skills#turn it into a good oldfashioned 13 ep series. still one story tho. but to deepen everything out a bit more#actually getting into all the stuff thats only sort of Touched upon#making swarm and azure not only make sense but also emotionally important and if possible even lore-wise interesting#more abt the division past. doesnt need to be shown in detail if the absence is the point. that doesnt mean there cant be more absence#swarm&azure lore + division lore + vinder&bel lore in separate pieces starting to show a horrible puzzle when put together#yaz and dan in 1900s for 3 full eps or so. time to breathe. more yaz&13 stuff. a lot more 13&yaz stuff#i think that might actually be the heart of it. maybe it should be the heart of it#leaning into that 13-tecteun parallel. the frustration and resentment. build up to the 'so why are you SO interested in him!' stuff#more of their life in the tardis just the two of them without buffer#i kinda want to play with like a lot more body language between them which the camera doesnt allow as we have it#like zoom the fuck out pls
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