#so its all grains now
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ton around and find out 23.5
#23.5 the series#23 point 5#lunaaylin#aj chayapol#view benyapa#im not happy with this one but i just cant make it work quickly enough to not lose motvation to do it at all#i kinda based the editing around the luna one but it backfired#shes lit from the front and aylin and ton arent#so its all grains now#anyways#look at my baby getting a reality check <33#fuck him up aylin#userminty#usersufa#uservid#userspring#petri gifs#ps give aj all the awards for this im still laughing every time i look at him at the end#like even the angle at which he bent is hilarious i love him
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Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.
Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):
In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.
It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]
The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]
Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]
In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]
In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]
Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#𓄿#hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this#i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything#i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha#i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass#and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭#i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise'#also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just#couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah#also uhhh this data is very subjective#i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call#also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them)#but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly#so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance#i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!!#but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol
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christmas eve ramble tags and some pictures of me and nice things from this year that i have randomly at 2:47am on christmas eve decided to post on tumblr. like why am I posting my face idek but I just felt reflective and i always just dump my rambles on whichever blog I'm using the most 🙈 i have not thought very hard about picking these. my motivation is that i want to force myself into acknowledging that for the majority of this year i felt good. I did good things for my health, and at work, and for my friends and family (even though I am desperate always to tell myself that i have never done anything good for anyone ever.) I found a new fun thing & lovely kind fun people to help me explore it. i got to sleep with my hand on/in Henry (cat not popstar) belly fur. yes i started having panic attacks about stuff to do w my dad, and money is tight (i mean i live in syd..) and i miss my mum and sara and i maybeee spent far too much time speaking to my ex fiance until he went on some rant about family law and I got the ick for once and for all lmao - but i was happy on many occasions.
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#so we're doing Christmas tomorrow on Christmas Eve#well its 2.30am so we're doing Christmas today on Christmas Eve#ive been up late making Cypriot Grain Salad and freezing packs of scallops#no not a strange chrissie tradition just the fish place i ordered from listed them as $3.50 each so i ordered 12 just as a little two bite#mouthful each along w the oysters#and they sent 12 packs of 6#which do NOT cost 3.50 each#i actually feel a bit bad#anyway i froze most of them#we didn't do a tree this year#i think last year i did the tree and needed to needed the connection to mum#but this year when i mentioned it to Imi she sighed. and its no fun on your own#so i bought a lovely Christmas Bush and ive twisted those wire fairy lights around it and some little icicle tinsel#i need to sleep for a few hours and then get up and tidy the balcony and vacuum and clean the toilet and wrap presents#can you imagine if i had been able to have kids i am so last minute its awful#oh and a friwnd who had a horrid miscarriage#sorry they are all horrid#but shes pregnant and thats really great news#and my dad was nice to me today when we talked#also i took an extra week of leave off so now im having a month#which is so nice#im going to finish two fics#send cards and parcels to ao many people#i have replies from when my mum died ive still not done#im going to clean out the grarage#im going to swim everyday and try my harsest not to get burnt#okay maybe every second day#summer!#iveet stuff w my dad take away my happiness i had for the first half of the year - also mourning Sara#but i feel a bit more in control and im going to lean in to being proud of what i achieved this year and in finding new joy
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character designers when they need to design a mascot for a masculine vocal synthesizer: and i will put a mole. under his LEFT eye
#its not a problem i love moles but it is funny. its always the left eye#i have a theory. i have a theory based purely off my own drawing habits. so take it with all the grains of salt#but i wonder if its because a lot of people are right handed and right handed artists may be inclined to put design elements like that#on the left side of the character (right of the page when the character is facing you)#that is. why i as a right handed artist puts stuff on the left all the time. its my hashtag drawing theory#but yeah it did make me laugh when like okay frimomen was released and i was like ooh he has a little mole and then i looked closer at#soyogi's design and i was like oh he has a mole too and then noa hex showed up. and then i looked back at#genbu and looked closer and realized he has some manner of THING on his eye that might be. a mole#i think its supposed to be a mole or some kind of birthmark. it has a line. im just always paranoid now because of#amnesia ikki drawing on that spade every day. what if he draws it on. what if he draws it on#but yeah. masc voice synths like to have stuff on their cheeks. if we go outside moles we have the voisona guys with like#mykiv having like. a circle. the target logo. i dunno. and kirune having his name <3#maybe theres also a connection to why so many dude vtubers have random stuff under their left eye or on their cheek#i think it probably comes from similar design philosophies. we need something on their face to stand out but not be too complicated#put a mole on that bad boy. or write his name there. either way works
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ugh whyd nobody tell me that my hair falling out would be physically uncomfortable and even painful???
#like dude#i cant even lie on my pillow#bc every small movement makes my hair feel like its being tugged omfg#i now have to wear a cap to bed#to hold my hair in place#so it doesn't feel spiky and sensitive#and also so i dont shed all over my pillow and get all these hair grains up in my eyeballs#like bruh#and now (aka tonight) its getting caught in the hat itself!!!#like wtf#im like a lizard and someone is petting my scales against the grain#pls#let me rest lmao#sick posting#personal#kb post
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well we're awake again. its time to have soup!!
#bad dream. but we take nightmares with a grain of salt and carry on.#um. so we sent in the application. even though its late. so now all we can really do is wait. and try not to think about it too hard.#so. okay!! we have a project we have to work on that's due on the 18th. its for a different fandom so no one on our voli account will reall#be seeing anything happening hkgjg but its been a long time coming and its exciting to finally get around to finishing it :]#and then!! christmas! um. i think we're going to the relatives again but honestly fuck that who cares not important#we have!! gifts!! to give!! :D and then it'll be the new year! and then. idk im not thinking that far ahead here but we'll keep going.#and for tonight there is the solitude of darkness and music and soup <33#if we had to define "cozy'' it would be. early morning with the sun just barely trickling in. in bed with a warm bowl of wonton soup :]#however we are not staying up until early morning or chamomile will Get Our Ass so we're happy with midnight soup <33
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how did she get a whole ass ultrasound without telling him doesn't that take like 2 months?
#shoulda gotten them the dog shawn#its a damn shame juliet broke up with you#and even damner shame that we have no idea how you made it up to her and you didn't change at all#but anyway marlowe how long have you known??#also wait juliet said (in shawns dream sequence so grain of salt i guess but) lassie wasn't ready for children#if he was a kadet when shawn got arrested in 95#lets say he was like 25#then he's like 44 no?#and just for shits and giggles shawn and gus would be 37#and juliet turns 30 in in for a penny which was season 6 (??) so she's 32 now#anyway how old is marlowe cause she looks a lot younger than 44#psych#psych tv#shawn spencer#juliet o'hara#burton guster#carlton lassiter#marlowe viccellio#marlowe lassiter#s.e.i.z.e. the day#carpe diem if you will
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Maybe this is my “I’m from New York so I didn’t choose to live here I was just already here” kicking in but can we actually learn to respect people’s privacy and acknowledge the fact that not everyone who lives in a major city is doing so because they want to be famous or the main character or an influencer or whatnot. I’m so sick of seeing tiktoks go viral that are just plainly stalking or doxxing random people who didn’t ask for attention or fame and are just living their lives. Especially given how many people in NYC are living with a wide variety of mental states, abilities, divergencies, and diversities treating them as a spectacle for your entertainment is deeply dehumanizing. Particularly in the past few years seeing so many content creators move here and gain their fame here it is becoming increasingly frustrating to feel like just existing in my home is not coherent with the burgeoning voyeurism culture that’s growing online. I, nor anyone who lives in a large city, should have to leave their homes every day worrying about the potential of being recorded and ridiculed online for just being a person.
People should be able to live their lives with the right to privacy. This isn’t to say that certain instances of internet activism shouldn’t have happened; for instance the Central Park bird watching incident (google it if you aren’t familiar but a woman was being racist towards a black man bird watching in central Park and his recording on the incident vindicated him). But instances like those are the exception and not the rule and many cases of publishing interpersonal conflicts/interactions is not from good faith activism or even from an activist point at all. Honestly what sparked this for me was that dumb tiktok that blew up of that girl looking for the person who kept writing “monke” on the whiteboard at her gym and the series of videos she made amassed more than 25 million views as she made a very public game out of trying to find the identity of this person. Some of her tactics included staking out at the gym waiting for this person or even asking the employees at the front desk who the person was. Maybe this person didn’t want to be a viral tiktok sensation and just wanted to write something goofy on the whiteboard at their local gym. Instead, this person has millions of strangers online seeking them out using unethical/invasive methods. All over someone who just wanted to write “monke.” Can we not just be a little silly in public without being at risk of it being the next internet sensation? If you live in a busy metropolitan area is it now your responsibility to make yourself as invisible as you can every time you step outside your front door? I genuinely leave for work each day wondering if I’ve maybe picked the wrong outfit, makeup, or maybe there’s an embarrassing stain or issue with my appearance that someone is going to see, record, and share online. I’ve even now seen TikTok’s of people recording through peoples windows commenting on how they’re living in their private lives now as well (the video in question is of a young woman recording a couple dancing through their apartment window). Even the guy who goes around “turning average people into models” initiates these videos by first taking non-consented photos of strangers on the street. Invasion is not flattery as much as people on the internet might like to think it is.
It is deeply unfair to ask human beings to live their lives in an unending panopticon. We should be able to go outside, make a joke, leave a silly note, have a bad day, an embarrassing moment, an emotional outburst, leave the curtains open with the knowledge that these moments belong to ourselves and are not suddenly (and without our consent) just become something for the masses to consume. Small spats that should remain small spats become global debates, a conventionally attractive or unattractive person becomes the internet’s object of desire or disgust. Let people exist. Let them have their dignity.
#I FUCKING HATE TIKTOK CULTURE#This is also hitting a bit close to home for me but I work at a museum and I constantly dress to hide my identity#because of how many cameras are pointed at me all day everyday#and in the year of two thousand and twenty three it’s pretty hard to be a person#so to ask people to be media ready all the time is just impractical and inhumane#we aren’t all public figures but we are now expected to be ready for that level of attention#even certain internet phenomena that came from a good faith place such as recording Karen’s as a way to combat a certain kind of a racism#was co opted by non black people to publicly shame and embarrass any older white woman they don’t like#now the entire concept of a Karen has lost its original meaning while still existing as an open threat to older women who don’t behave#as expected in public#and yes I have seen white teenage boys yelling at women calling them Karen’s for just asking them to stop being rowdy#which is anecdotal evidence so take with a grain of salt#but I am simply EXHAUSTED#apparently I need to live in the mountains if I want to live in peace#also I wrote this in like a 5 minute rage so feel free to DM me or comment if I got something wrong
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why have you become inactive?
Hi Anon, I hope you're doing well today.
Mostly, I haven't been around as much because real life requires more of my attention. Good stuff, though. Being more present with my family (I went to see the FNAF movie with my thirteen-year-old this week. Are any FNAF fans out here? I was slightly confused by the movie because it's not my thing but had a lot of fun going with her), eating better, cleaning my house, and trying to get organized so my chaotic monkey brain stays happy. Unfortunately, you have to stay on top of that stuff more as you age if you want to keep your sanity :).
Hopefully, once I get more of my shit together, I'll be around here more often. Love you guys and I miss hanging out!
#tw: eating mention#so I've always had body image issues and an unhealthy relationship with food#but back in July I found out I was prediabetic and my triglycerides were high#so I've been eating a lot of fruit/vegetables/whole grains etc and I've lost about 20 lbs and honestly it takes a lot of mental energy to#keep from freaking out about it because of the body image stuff and the fact that I've always wanted to make these changes but felt unable#to do it#until now#some days are good but others I have to talk myself out of a full-blown panic#like#its funny how parents do the things they never thought they could because of their kids#I lost my dad at a young age from heart disease#and I can't do that to my family#my youngest daughter has developmental delays and the thought of not being around to take care of her is terrifying enough as it is#parenting is hard#so I guess this ramble is all to say that I'm getting my real life shit together and that's all the mental bandwidth I have right now
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the world if sims 4 had more lots per world
#SICKENINGGG I MISS TS3 BUT I LIKE THE MODS I HAVE FOR TS4 .#society if the sims game in my head existed irl goddddd#bc i got a mod u see IIII know yours shocked. i actully have had it 4 a while but basically i wanted to have umm a graveyard lot. bc one of#my mods also i love graveyards u gets it.#so i was checking my sims worlds thang bc i was hoping i could find a good place for my sims 3 live rhat i opersonally hc as being the same#town/very close 2 eachother#so i could split all the lots i wanted between the 2 kind of thing yk#but the only 'same town' worlds i have r new orleans (magnolia prom willow creek newcrest also miniopolis but thats not in this game) and#san fran (san sequoia and san myshuno (ik san myshuno isnt purely based on san francisco but i think its the most obvious also my map isnt#like This is exactly this ! kind of thing.simnation does nottt equal usa thats why canada is a part of it and also theres only 8 states LMA#i need 2 update it 4 the new world..... nice to have a new latinamerican world we r sooo sorely lacking#by my calculations (not absolute) we only have 2 in the entire series. and one of those is just a vacation world...#but now we have a new one andddd its a full world <3#so thats exciting. if u were curious i have isla paradiso as being in the sims equivalent of the caribbean and then i have selvadorada in#sims version of mesoamerica since the omiscans r based around there and stuff. + selvadorada might be el salvador reference i just think it#fits.#ciudad enamorada it seem will also be in the mesoamerica/mexico area#ik its also inspired by the iberian peninsula and stuff . but yk..#europe has a handful already even if by my calculations we dont have any that id place in the sims iberian peninsula.#but i feel theres something off abt that i think there was one that might be around there#why the fuck is tartosa not on my list UGH. the sims wiki the worlds section its missing a couple of ts4 worlds so some slipped thru#ok well yeah. id imagine tartosa as being around there. in the italy/spain/southern france sort of zone. so ill put it on the eastern bit o#the iberian peninsula since i already have a couple worlds in italyzone#so ya basically. if yr curious by my calculations africa is the most neglected continent (the world is entirely shocked.) bc im pretty sur#the only world i think is in africa. and this is a shocker. its the al simhara from ts3. bc thats literally in egypt#afaik there arent any others at least in mainline sims games..#also a shocker the continent w the most is north america. i know. try not to feak.#oh wait ive just realized that means there r no south american worlds. since mexico and el salvador r both in north america. the skeleton.#ok so south america is the least represented. i think.#again this is all based on Me imagining where things r so grain of salt okie?
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Working more on the local group of Synchronized Light and hoo boy. There's smth wrong with these guys.
#rat rambles#oc posting#rain posting#theyre mostly a different flavor of messed up than my other guys as theyre all like family drama messed up#these guys are not family except for the obvious two they're just all either the worst or going thru it#oh also the girlfired of my ancient girl is a part of the group and they have a name now theyre twisted orbit 👍#orbit has gotten the pleasure of not just having an upsetting backstory but also an upsetting present due to one of her neighbors#and funnily enough its not synchronized light she basically never interacts with those two#instead its the circles second most fucked up lil guy named putity preserved#he is an absolute ass and has been absolutely obsessed with the idea of being the one to find the tripple affirmative for ages#back when the ancients were around he managed to convince his city's council to allow him to experiment on prisioners and after the mass#ascension he has continued to experiment on the various lifeforms he can get his hands on#for most of the time before the mass ascension orbit wasnt particularly invested in solving the great problem so he didn't pay her much#mind but after a certain incident where she broke down and had her memoried shifted through and selectively romoved he started to pay more#attention to her even though for the first while up until the mass ascension she mostly just seemed hollow#eventually after the mass ascension they seemingly suddenly gained an immense interest in solving the great problem#and that was when purity reached out offering to work with them on the project#at first orbit was unwilling but after the sliver incident they seemed a lot more willing to hear him out#which was perfect news for him because the sliver invident made him Furious and he was desperate for a way to revise history#and thankfully orbit's motivation for solving the great problem was exactly what he had been hoping for.#then theres the other two members of the local group endless grains of sand and deep coated mist who are the old ladies of the group#and theyre like old old they were some of the first iterators constructed and it shows#mist especially as her structure is both much larger than a modern iterator and also way less efficient and with much higher steam output#the quirk of this local group is that they all sorta use the same water that's rotated through them all#sand being located by the ocean and mist being located far away on the peak of a huge mountain being the connecting points of the loop#sand fiters a bunch of the water and sends the excess upwards towards a variety of water resavoirs and also mist#mist then slurps up a shit ton of it and outputs a shit ton of steam which condenses to water and flows downwards through the mountainous#area she's perched atop from#this water then forms a series of rivers and lakes downwards through the other 3 and since they require way less water than her theyre able#to all safely recycle mist's outputted water
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hi there I absolutely love your pony (and 1 goat) designs they are all amazing
I’m just curious, why did you decide to draw Grian as an Earth Pony, rather than a Pegasus when he’s often associated with flight?
Was it a thing where the fanon stuff was an after thought or was your drawing not cooperating with you at all? (As fellow artist I do understand that occurrence)
or just something else entirely?
it originally stemmed from me not usually drawing grian as an avian most of the time that quickly devolved into " hehe the irony of one of his parents being a unicorn, the other being a pegasus, and he just got the short end of the stick " was too funny for me to pass up
#beans bacon whiskey and lard#so.. something else entirely basically!#i know i draw grain w avian features Sometimes but i do not generally HC him as an avian. personally#while i did '' no thoughts head empty '' all their designs i still kept how i interpret them myself in all of them#its why bdubs is a bat pony despite his thing with sleeping. i love irony and the thought of a bat pony scared of the night..#its a lil funny :p#also i am aware bat ponies are not normally bright green. the only thing i rechecked from mlp canon#was for scar's wheelchair. canon mlp wheelchairs are so . odd. and i need to redesign scar's chair so bad#cause i did Not have fun drawing it nor does it actually look like itd function properly lol#that goes back to No Thoughts Head Empty though i just lifted the canon chair's design p much without a second thought#and i am now having seconds thoughts . rip! oh well oh darn guess i Have to draw horse scar again ohh nooo u_u#but yeah. hes an earth pony because i think its funny KJSNDVJKSDV
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Ugh
#when i was a kid my parents would scarcely speak to me for some years because all i would talk about was dogs#spending hours upon hours researching random breeds and breeders#doing as many school projects as possible on dogs#i wrote essays about dogs in my free time#drew dogs#had documents of name (call and registered) ideas#and now i finally come close to my dream#i graduate in may#and i know i should take her words with a grain of salt but my little sister who has never worked a day in her life#constantly mocks me for my passion and calls me irresponsible and tells me how much things cost#i KNOW how much things cost. /i/ pay for them. /i/ pay my medical bills. my car maintenance bills. my credit card bills. for my gas and food#its just so disheartening that she has so little faith in me#i try so so so hard to spend time with her and connect with her#to help her and be there for her#but shes never been there for me. shes never. not ever. been there for me.#at what point to i give up?
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good lord. beasts are afoot
#now have to design at least one outfit for the blood-alcohol automaton ACK !!!!!#the idea is that the ball jointed doll body is made out of lacquered dark blue wood but man i could Not get the wood grain+the shine--#--to look good so its just plain colors here. will have to figure that out eventually lol#the black face is made of clay (or some other material? idk) poured into a mold to cast a skull Inside of it since having the blood-mead--#--directly wash over the teeth (the only bones which would naturally be exposed to it in living beings) is far more efficient than--#--the airflow necessary for all the other bones. it Does have a mouth but got it sealed shut after trying to chew off the royal mechanists-#--face
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omg your tags on the reblog of my post - that's word for word how i feel and i HATE it, things have felt artificial to me since 1989, reputation was better but ever since lover it's felt like that 1000x more idk.. it just sucks but yeah you're not the only one feeling that way :')
THANK YOU! It's really nice to see that someone else has been feeling this way and I really begun to think deeply into why I feel like this. And you're right, it has really been since rep that it has felt... idk, less authentic.
I remember during the red and 1989 era, taylor was doing a lot of shit that actually showed how much she loved us. And by all means, she didn't have to, but it was little things such as the hidden notes in her album lyric books that made me feel a bit more connected to her. Not to mention stuff like swiftmas, the secret sessions and of course t-party all made us feel like one big family and that she was actually thankful for us. She didn't gain anything out of this, it was all "for the fans" and it made being a swiftie loads of fun, especially those hidden messages, which lbr costed nothing to keep doing. (1989 was her last i think)
Nowadays, when she does it, it feels more calculated and less authentic and I get maybe it's a safety thing that she can't do secret sessions and swiftmas etc anymore, but now even when she does things for the fans, it's stuff like releasing loads of versions of the one album so we all buy it (see, the midnight clock), and because we have this relationship we built up with her, we feel we owe our loyalty. It feels like she does these things to show she cares, but she wants our money in return. And believe me, there's other ways you can show it. The wiping of her social media defs slightly killed her authenticity, I think. Even though I understand why she did it, it certainly didnt help her relationship with the fans or it's authenticity. I do believe she still is thankful for us, but I can't help but notice the business aspect creeping in, and I just wish a lot of swifties knew you don't have to buy in to it. She's human, she has flaws, you don't have to always defend her, or buy her merch. It's almost business at this point, and I hate it.
I hate it. And I hate it more because I almost understand why its like this.
#during red taylor could say she was thankful for us and i would believe her#now i believe her but with a hefty grain of salt!!!#i do think the merch thing can also be an issue with swifties bc apparently if you don’t own her merch#or buy all 55 copies of folklore you’re not a fan#i had a friend who was constantly telling me i was less of a fan and she always wanted my merch#the merch was my red tee from when she was in sydney and even then that brings up something else because her merch quality has gone down#and the prices have gone up and that shirt from 2013 has survived. i mean it is defs aging but it's survived the trenches#but like taylor is fully playing into this and ppl fall for it bc she apparently loves us#i may have been 12 then but at least it didn’t feel like she was constantly trying to get me to buy shit#there were lots if bad things about being a swiftie then but hey at least Taylor’s love actually felt genuine!!!#and not like she wanted my money as well as my loyal#loyalty** wow lekker bezig vandaag#also i do buy her albums on cd but thats more a me thing its a tradition with a friend i had that i plan on continuing with speak now tv#bc i like owning physical copies#also sometimes i struggle with organising my thoughts so i hope that all makes sense and nothing is lost#english is my first language i just am slightly neurodivergent#i only just organised my thoughts on loreens eurovision win. im still sad abt it but im happy for her.#also hello fellow southern hemisphere person!!
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minimal tesilid posting this week, im feeling under the weather so i'm gonna concentrate what energy i do have on my irl responsibilities instead 😔👍 see yall when the webnovel updates i think
#mimin rambles#story time i was eating rice and about to swallow so the food was being pushed to the back of my throat. as it does when u swallow.#then i sneezed.#about a quarter a grain of rice fell into my windpipe#coughed my lungs out and it slipped out a little but not into the bloody right pipe#couldnt wash it down w water either#i jiggled my head about and it ended up in my nosepipe#then my immune system started producing mucus to which i went 'oh cool maybe itll wash it down'#this is monday#i THINK it finally went down the right pipe on tues afternoon#BUT IM NOT SURE#MY NOSE KEPT PRODUCING MUCUS. WHY?!???#anw thurs i went to see a doc and got anti histamines to stop my nose#my nose is now mostly dry#but. one pipe still feels noticeably blocked.#i dont know how to feel abt that.#anw my head feels stuffed like cotton and my throat hurts bc its dry and full of mucus too#no time to think about tesilid i am afraid for myself#the rice better NOT be still stuck up there#i keep going 'haha maybe its all in my head' BUT THATS THE PROBLEM IT SHOULDNT BE IN MY HEAD#head in hands#ya anw thats what ive been up to#mortal w you is really good tho ive just been looping that since last night
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