#i KNOW how much things cost. /i/ pay for them. /i/ pay my medical bills. my car maintenance bills. my credit card bills. for my gas and food

[bas-rouge]

Ugh

[themoonsbeloved]

I still need help

Its now the 8th of January and despite being told by my friend who spoke with her boss 3 weeks ago during their meeting that he was to hire me in the beginning of January and would reach out to me, he hasn't. I'm hoping somehow, eventually, when this man finally bothers to, he will contact me for a job offer since he reassured me back in november that he still intends to hire me. But since I have no idea when that will be, that means I'm left hanging completely.

long story short I am mentally ill and disabled who was dismissed from my last and only job that I struggled 2 years to get, only to be fired in 2 months in June because of my chronic fatigue and abusive managers. I rely a lot on my henna but bookings are not consistent enough to make regular income, and majority of the money ends up going to contributing to house bills for my family.

My therapy picks up again this week, very honestly been the only thing keeping me from harming myself at this point with how painful life has been and I want to be able to continue getting it low cost (£25 per session), my therapist is so amazing and we recently came to the understanding that I have complex-PTSD, and plan to look into it more this year. I'm too mentally ill to try and look for jobs right now and am basically doing 3 jobs already (one being joint caring duties with family members for my grandparents since I live with them, which I'm not paid for obviously) with inconsistent money coming in/sessional work that I will be paid for once completed further into the year.

I have so many other costs that are coming in the near future, like paying for more medication, and for more lazer hair removal sessions for my severe hirsutism, which usually is around £300 if I'm lucky to catch offers. This is another I thing I mentally can't afford to stop doing, struggling with severe hirsutism and the trauma of it all my life means its important I can feel and live somewhat comfortably in my body. Lazer hair isn't permanent and I'm looking into electrolysis, but again, I don't have that money yet and would prefer to not leave a huge gap where I don't do lazer and the mental torture of watching my body hair grow back. I also haven't gotten my eyes checked in over 3 years, and know I will need a change in perscription and need new glasses. I hate nothing more than what its come to. I'm just exhausted and burnt out from the constant anxiety and depressive episodes, I'm barely eating or sleeping, I'm sick of everything and everyone and I just wish god would give me a break.

With all of the above in mind I'm aiming for about £600. This is all basically to help me just function and continue getting the things that help me not succumb to my mental health issues. If anything, my birthday's coming up in feb so I would appreciate it if folks gave some money if they have the means to. Anything is fine at this point.

Thank you so much

https://paypal.me/iffiia?country.x=GB&locale.x=en_GB

£0/£600

[nerdygaymormon]

I talked with my mother in law about disagreeing with the august policy and she kept faily neutral and said God made that policy and His children make the choice to stray from Him. While i believe the policy was inspired i dont believe it came from His mouth. I don't understand how transitioning is straying, it feels like a morally neutral act. How can God ask someone to sacrifice their emotional and mental well being to keep their good standing with Him? It feels backwards and manipulative if I'm being honest. Obedience is good but not if it comes at the cost of being miserable. I'm angry at the church as an institution and I believe it's failing it's queer and trans siblings. I suppose I do disagree with God.

You ask some really good questions. I want to add a few more for you to consider.

Are scriptures the "word of God" and does God actually speak these things to a human who hears it and writes it down precisely as God said it, or are these human interpretations of what they believe is God's will?

Is this policy leading people to be more loving and to do good to their neighbor?

Why would God make people gay or trans and then forbid them from being gay or trans?

The Book of Mormon teaches we're meant to have joy in life, then why does the LDS Church have policies to deny joy to queer people? Why are they singled out to be miserable for God?

If gender affirming care for trans people is "straying" from God, why is gender affirming care for cis people not? The medical procedures that trans people use were all originally developed for cis people. People get breast augmentations, hysterectomies, nose jobs, tummy tucks, face lifts, pec implants, lip filler, bbl's, hormone injections, puberty blockers, growth hormones, and on and on.

At the last General Conference, Elder Oaks put forth a unique idea about temporary and permanent commandments. I think it's his way of getting around the idea that church leaders in the past were wrong, but it brings up interesting questions, if this is temporary then am I required to obey even if I don't agree? If this is temporary, will I be punished in heaven after it is no longer in effect?

We're taught in Matthew 7 that “a good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.” If a policy is bringing forth bad results for a whole group of people, is it a 'good' policy?

Is it a coincidence that this step backwards with the August policy seems related to the bathroom bills and other anti-trans legislation that's recently been passed? If this is actually God's will then how come we didn't know it in 2020 when the last big revision to church policies regarding trans people was implemented?

What if a trans person feels they are inspired to pursue transitioning, should the church be punishing them for following where God is guiding them?

Does this policy sound like it's from a loving God?

That’s enough questions. I want to end with 3 points.

The August policy is just that, a policy, not a commandment or revelation or scripture. Policies are temporary and can be changed. A great example is the 2015 policy of exclusion regarding gay people, which was reversed less than 5 years later in 2019. How much better if it the 2015 policy had never been introduced and all that hurt had been avoided.

You're not disagreeing with God, you're disagreeing with whomever wrote and approved the latest policies.

People have a conscience, what the church calls the light of Christ, which influences people for good. If things being said by a church leader bother your conscience, pay attention to that.

[some-triangles]

Now that everyone's a little less raw it looks like the Takes are rolling in, so I might as well add mine.

The thing that frustrates me is that everybody knows that the democratic party is a bought and paid for centrism machine, but we forget this every time an election rolls around. It's been the most important election of my lifetime, where we have to set aside petty concerns like the social safety net or not slaughtering people in the middle east in order to vote for the lesser of two evils, for the last 20 years. It is a reflection on how eagerly human beings will divide themselves into factions that this continues to work.

I want you to reflect on that moment of enthusiasm the left collectively had when Harris came on board (do you remember when Walz made that joke about Vance fucking a couch? Good times.) Do you ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

There is a very obvious lesson to be learned from Trump's win here, but it will go aggressively unlearned, because it is not in the interests of the media or the political classes to learn it. The CNN roundtable on how Harris lost because she wasn't pro-Israel enough went out yesterday. Consider how much money is spent on a presidential election in this country - even the nicest, most liberal lobbyists, lawyers, "journalists", consultants and associated professionals have mortgages to pay and mouths to feed.

All I want at this point is a little honesty from the "in my america" lawn sign brigade, a little reflection. All I want is for the next time the democratic party comes around asking for your money, your energy, your attention- just think a little bit about what you've bought from them so far. Think about the current state of the healthcare system, think about who profits from it, think about how much you still spend on insurance and on top of insurance. Think about how the rich get richer under both parties. Think about how this election was decided when business decided they could accept Trump and the democrats were left holding the principles they'd been trying to sell, outbid for them. Tear up the fundraising letters, and on top of that, tear up your medical bills. Kick the sunk cost fallacy out of your brain and admit that this isn't working. I'm not asking you to take the next step, to think about why a message founded on white supremacy and american exceptionalism is so persuasive to so many of us, or why every single person in a position of real power is lying about a genocide that we can see happening on our phones. Just think about where your money has gone and whether there's been a return on your investment.

For those of you who already know what I'm talking about, the story is the same as it ever was. Due to inflation the 20 bucks of mutual aid we pass around should probably be updated to 50, and we should probably find some way of passing it that doesn't involve Peter Thiel, but other than that, business as usual.

[wcamino-confessions]

hello- this is HeavenlyL0rd or Cerealki113rr, whichever you know me as.

I'm coming here as well because I know people have accused me of scamming and stuff, and have been concerned about waiting long periods of time for their commissions. And for that, I want to say im genuinely so, so sorry. I will try not to deliver excuses. Because in the end there is none. I'll try to explain though. I know this has been a few days ago and I just been alerted to it, and I want to make things right. I wrote a reply there but I felt like it was a bit panicked. I've never been well with drama, however I want to own up for things.

I've always struggled with my memory. I always forget or it slips out of my mind, so I was told I should deliver updates via post and stuff to give a general update, so I don't forget. I always try to encourage people to dm me and ask for bumps because of my memory, as well as Amino or Discord spamming down notifications and I try my best to reply in a timely fashion because I hate leaving messages read but not replied to. I've asked people and on amino for advise on how to work on my memory for commissions and how I can work on getting better at them. However that's not an excuse, people shouldn't be waiting that long for commissions and in the end that falls on me for not completing them in timely fashion.

Around the end of December, beginning of January I went to the hospital for kidney failure and disease, stage 4. I received a hospital bill that was extremely high in cost, over 2,000$ with *another* hospital bill coming in, as well as I have to cover for a new kidney transplant due to me only having one kidney and ergo I will be needing a replacement. I acknowledged I had a lot of commissions to tend to, so I tried to solely focus on adoptables instead to try to save up money for my hospital bills, medication, food, etc since that is my only job. That's primarily why I can't do refunds at the moment because im struggling so much with trying to get the money to just pay off the stacking medical bills in general as well as the future kidney transplant I need to save my life.

During this, I was alerted to one of my designs being similar to a character that I made a gift for / a commission. I was horrified. I had based the character off a smug, farm cat that was a flame point. When I was told of this accusation, I reached out to both the current owner of the character design, the other characters owner, and attempted to reach the designer. I showed my references and explained myself, and agreed to change the design for the current owner so the designs wouldn't look similar (as it was primarily the colors of the designs that looked similar as well as a scarf and their tails, i believe.)

I opened commissions, primarily Warm up ones, to try to warm up for older commissions. Which, worked for a bit. I managed to complete a lot of my older commissions, however I'm aware I may be far off on completing all of them. And I tried to organize all my owed commissions both on a wiki as well as my own notes pad to complete them. I have proof that I have completed older commissions and have tried refunding / offering refunds if im unable to complete art at a certain period of times etc.

In the end, it's completely my fault that I overwhelmed myself with commissions. I take full responsibility for my wrongdoings of the long delays to complete art and such. I'm still completing commissions and working on them, I tried to post wips and stuff whenever I can.

The reason I joined art fight was because people asked me to, and I wanted a chance to practice my art. However I had stopped doing art fight to focus on my commissions a few days ago.

To those who are still waiting, I'm genuinely so sorry for it and I completely understand the anger and how upset you are. Please, I ask you to reach out to me at HeavenlyL0rd at discord (which is my primary form of communication as well as my fastest way to reply to people) as well as my amino which should be under the same label. I will be happy to 100% prioritize your commission and get it done, or I can attempt to form a refund if that's what you truly insist on. I want to set things right.

Thank you for those who read, im so sorry again and I will push myself to learn and better myself on the mistakes I did with commissions. And I will always ask for advise on how to get better with time management and commission work in general so I can improve myself.

[wwhatevenisthis]

# # TRIGGER WARNING, PET DEATH

-

TLDR: My house rabbit Sam passed away today (7th Dec 2023). I am utterly heartbroken, and on top of it all I still have to pay for his £1500 vet bills and his cremation.

I have an important announcement to make. My 9 year old house rabbit, Sam, crossed the rainbow bridge today. He passed away at home, comfortably in his blankets.

I went to feed him his food and medication at 12pm today, and I noticed he was breathing fast. I tried to give him some of his syringe food and water, but it was running out of his mouth. I stopped giving it him and noticed he was trying to breathe through his mouth and he was struggling. I was home alone, but I rang the vets anyway even though I knew I had no lift to get there. They said that I could send them a video of what his breathing was like to see if I needed to bring him in. I sent them some videos, and then held him close and gave him many cuddles and kisses, holding him close and telling him how much of a good boy he was. An hour passed, and I couldn't stand waiting any longer. I rang the vets back and said I wanted to bring him in, and I would ring my mum so I could take him in as soon as possible. I placed him back in his pen, gave him some head pats, and he started trying to move his head and his front end to get comfy. I left the room at 1:48pm to get all my things ready for the vets. I came back at 1:52pm, and Sam had passed away, wrapped in his blankets, in his comfy pen. He had waited for me to leave the room before he crossed the rainbow bridge. I tried to see if I could save him; I even tried bunny CPR on him. But he was gone. I held him close and cried, telling him how brave he was and how much I loved him.

Almost everyone in our family said goodbye. My mum came home shortly after with the dog, and she and I cried together. My brother told Sam to go play with Monty (my previous house rabbit who passed in October 2022) over the rainbow bridge. We even let Elsa (my other house rabbit and Sam's companion) see Sam one last time; she sniffed him and nudged him, but then started to freak out and got really stressed, so we had to put her back in her own pen. (She is doing better now, but I think she knows what has happened and is just as upset).

We eventually took Sam to the vets around 3pm, so we could get them to cremate him. All the vets there were really kind and sympathetic, and chalked it up to that the little guy just couldn't keep fighting any longer, even though he had been so strong before. They all told me how much of a good job I did trying to help Sam, with me getting up every 2 hours for the last 2 and a half weeks to feed him and make sure he was okay. They gave me some of his fur, let me give him some final head scritches and kisses, and I said one last goodbye to my little trooper.

My heart is in pieces tonight. He brought so much joy into mine and my family's life, and everyone who had met him utterly adored him. I adopted him in January 2023, and even though I knew him for just under a year, he has helped me stay positive and given me so much happiness and many fond memories. He has left pawprints on my heart, and I will never forget him. I am currently with Elsa, giving her all my love as I know she will need it after losing her best friend.

I am still having to pay for Sam's £1500 vet bills even after his passing as well as his cremation, and I have very little savings left.

I have been selling my things on E🅱️ay here

https://www.ebay.co.uk/usr/whatevenisthis

to help cover the cost, and I have set up a G0FundMe here

https://gofund.me/f3133dda

for people who would like to donate to help me out. Any and all help would be vastly appreciated, no matter how small. If you don't want to use the G0FundMe link, please I am also taking donations through PaypaI here

https://www.paypal.me/SBettney

Thank you all, and please give your pets some cuddles tonight, for me and for Sam. 🐇💜

[asgardianangel]

oh lord forgive me if this is just too much but i would just die if you wrote something with saul along the lines of … “i know some very bad men that would pay very good money for a sweet little thing like you”.. angry dark possessive sexy saul mm

A night you would never forget

Saul Goodman X Innocent fem! Reader

Summary: Your love for your ill grandma sent you in a desperation for money and into the arms of a possessive lawyer

Warnings: 18+, bad language, dark possessive Saul!, mentions of sex working, threats, naïve! reader, allusions of NSFW, deception, age gap, forced relationship, implied stalking

Living in Alburquerque New Mexico was hard to say the least. Going from one job to another it just wasn’t enough for you. You were financial drained and it was a call for desperation by the reveal of your ill grandma’s medical bill. She was in and out of hospital and unfortunately things didn’t look to be getting better. 

Your love for her encouraged you to pull your weight on earning money tremendously more. She was the only family you had and losing her would mean the end of the world to you. 

You were desperate to the point you started to consider selling your body to willing men. The idea came to you when your friend Anna unexpectedly visited you, she was in the whole ‘sex worker business’ or ‘lady of the night’ that’s what she liked to call it unlike some people. 

Anna giggled showing off her new designer handbag “guess how much this beauty cost?” she asked you raised a brow in a thought “I’m not too sure hundred maybe?” you guessed.  

“More like five hundred” she answered with a grin and you mouthed a ‘wow’ in disbelief. “I wouldn’t have guess” you say. 

“How’s your dear old grandma?” Anna asked and your stare down at your coffee with a sigh “not good and truthfully, I’m financially fucked to pay for her possibly lifesaving treatment” you responded with a saddened tone.  

Anna looks at you with sympathy “you know Y/n you are really beautiful and if you're that desperate why don’t you start doing what I do” she suggested and you stare at her in shock. 

“I-I don’t know about that” you stutter a little and Anna just smiles at you “C’mon it’s not bad besides my customers are nice and generous sometimes they just want someone to talk to” you in thought about what she was saying. 

“Like I said you are beautiful and young you could really earn a lot from it. These men they love innocent looking girls like you” Anna giggles again. You were totally innocent you had three relationships in the past but they all didn’t end well. It’s not like sex wasn’t something you had never heard of before. 

“Listen I have to go now call me if you want to go through with it. It will change your life.” Anna waved in goodbyes. 

After another unfortunate call from the hospital, you were left with no choice. 

- 

It was a Friday night and you carefully memorised tips given by Anna like ‘might sure you flirt with them most of the night’ and ‘make sure they know what you are worth’. 

You hardly recognised yourself in the mirror after she gave you a makeover. 

Anna made it easier for you by sending one of her clients your way claiming ‘he’s a big lawyer guy that makes a lot of money’ so you sat at a local bar waiting for his arrival. After one or two drinks you realised, he was late of the time Anna gave him. You started to get anxious as you pulled on the tight dress you were wearing. 

Maybe he changed his mind. You didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Glancing at the clock behind the bar he was now half an hour late. Sighing you pulled out your purse ready to pay up and leave. 

Then there was a man's voice “you must be Cat” you turn around hearing the fake name Anna made up for you. He was much older then you. Appearance was very much smart like a lawyer but his colour choices were usual to say the least. Reminding you of those inflatable men outside car dealerships and whatnot. But he looked oddly familiar. 

You gave him that sweet smile of yours “that’s me handsome” you tuck a hair behind your ear.  

The man laughs “what a charmer my name is Saul and it’s nice to meet you” he introduced and it struck you he was that late night lawyer guy you have seen on TV. Saul sits on the empty stool next to you. 

It felt awkward you didn’t know what to say to him as you finished your second drink “you want another one of those sweetheart?” he asks and you nod. “Yes please” you say quietly. 

Saul seemly was admiring the way you looked his blue eyes would drift from your bare thighs to your cleavage. “God you are beautiful” he mused and you blushed “thank you”  

Given you were so awkward Saul kept the conversation afloat telling you all funny stories about his clients and you laughed along with him. “Wow you deal with all sorts of characters it sounds like fun” you say and he takes a sip of his beer “yeah it is- you got any stories about your clients?” Saul asks and you almost choke on your drink.  

What could you say?  You hesitated for a bit “I bet you have loads of guys chasing after you- I don’t mean that to insult you given well your job” he rambles and you snigger. 

“It’s okay I don’t get interesting clients” you lie and then Saul raises his brow at you “wait a minute-am I your first client?” he questions at you just gave him an honest look “oh sweetheart” Saul awes in understanding. 

“Just so you know we don’t have to anything tonight. I’ll still pay you for this nice company” he reassured you. Not sure if it was just the drinking or the good conversation but you were starting to become attracted to the older man. 

Saul was so gentle and charming. 

“Do you wanna have sex with me?” you asked curiously and Saul just smiles “I think you are very beautiful doll face and easy to talk to” he sighs honestly but it wasn’t the answer you were looking for. 

Then he gave you a clear answer “Very much so- if you want to” staring at each other he placed his hand over yours. Saul moved in for a kiss and there was hint of shyness with you “sorry I’m just not used to this” you tell him. He started caressing your cheek “it’s okay we can just go slow” he advised you softly.  

You felt comfortable around him so you gathered up the confidence and kissed him gently. It started off slow and then you granted his tongue access and you tasted the beer he had been drinking. As you wrapped your hands around his neck. After some intimate kissing at the bar, he then asked you the question. 

“I have a room booked upstairs if you wanna-” you interrupted by kissing him again  

It was certainly a night you wouldn’t forget. 

- 

A whole month had passed and you started to notice changes. You didn’t really know what type of relationship you had with Saul. But there was one thing for certain...he was behaving strangely.  

Ever since that first night you shared with him Saul made you vow to be at his side  

‘Tell me you are only mine sweetheart and I will take care of you’ he whispered tracing circles along your shoulder blade pecking kisses on your soft skin. 

In exchange for the sex and downright obedience he solved all your financial worries. The sex was amazing but you felt as though each time Saul would become rougher and controlling. 

Grabbing at your throat and slamming into like a man possessed. 

“You belong to me in each and every way I own you”  

 On the lighter side of things your grandma was recovering smoothly. You tried spending as much time with her as possible but recently it became hard with Saul demanding you to be with him every second of every day. 

On top that you had an eerie feeling that you were being watched. 

You thought you would be able to have some decent time to yourself knowing Saul was a busy man. But that didn’t stop him. 

It started to become unbearable. Your body was sore and oversensitive.  

As he called you in his office you started to question the relationship you had with him. But that was interrupted the displeased look on his face.  

“I can’t fucking believe you sweetheart” Saul seethed as he closed the door behind you with a slam. Why was he so angry? Staring at him confused. 

“Don’t look at me like that! You know what you have been up to!” he shakes his finger at you like a parent scolding their child. Still unsure what he was even talking about you utter a “what?” and he laughs sarcastically. 

“Conspiring to leave me when you know exactly who you belong to. I know about your little meetups with your bitch of a friend Anna” His words withheld so much venom and you were in shock. “You were spying on me?” you questioned and he nods with another chuckle. 

It explained the feeling you always had since seeing him.  

“Why would you do that?” you asked and you started to wonder how long has he been doing it?  

Saul steps closer to you with a big smirk on his face “I just wanted to keep an eye on my doll and you have deeply upset me” there was a look in his eyes like never before. No gentleness or warmth but possession. 

He was no longer the man that you went to the hotel room with that night. 

 You're back hitting against the wall Saul had you caged between his arms “please just let me leave” you quietly begged. “Oh, that’s how you going to repay me for taking care of you?” Saul questions with a tusk.  

He presses his lips against your ear “do you want me to tell you a secret?” His voice husks and you gently nod. Feeling disgusted and shocked by his true demeanour  

 “I’ve known you long before you became a wannabe sex worker doll. You see Anna owed me big time for defending her in court. She was going to be sentenced away for a looong time if it wasn't for me and she offered me her body. But I didn’t want her” your eyes widen in disbelief as his hand traced up to your breast.  

“I wanted that sweet and innocent friend of hers who was desperate to take care of her beloved grandmother” his voice purred pecking down the side of your neck you struggled against him trying to get away. 

You couldn’t believe this was happening to you. How can Anna do this to you? 

But the older man was quick to slam you against the wall “you are so ungrateful after anything I’ve done for you” he seethed in your ear. His hand was held tight around both your wrists holding them above you. 

“i know some very bad men that would pay very good money for a sweet little thing like you” he threatened  

“I suggest you stop struggling and bend over my desk for me because I can make that happen sweetheart trust me”  

[frodothefair]

You know what I absolutely love about being where I am in my career?

I can consider myself to have "arrived." I can stop striving to do extra sh-t no one cares for simply for the line in my resume, simply so I could get to the next stage.

I suspect this might not be the case in other countries, but when I entered high school at fourteen years of age, I was quickly made to understand that if I wanted to get into a good college, it was not enough to simply do my schoolwork and do it well. Even if I took all the advanced classes and aced every standardized test. I had to do "extracurriculars." I need to have "leadership." I needed good recommendations. Extracurriculars could be anything from sports, to music, to art, to clubs such as debate and newspaper, and ideally, it was not enough to simply be a part of them. It was best if I was a leader, if I took part in competitions, if there was a tangible product I could show off, an outcome I could discuss in my personal statement and in interviews, which were a common part of the college application process.

(Frankly, as an aside I think this ridiculous attempt at evaluating the "whole person" is a bald-faced racket that privileges the already privileged, but that's a story for another day. By the way, if you have a job in high school to pay the bills, such as waitressing or cashiering, no one is going to be impressed with that. If has to be some sort of unusual job that proves how much of a go-getter you are, but was probably given to you through connections. And sports/music/clubs cost money and time you're never compensated for).

Well, it took me less than two years to realize I wanted to do exactly none of any of the above. I was a good student, and I was happy to give it my all academically, but all I wanted at the end of a day was to go home and nerd out with my friends (mostly online ones) about my favorite fandom. I wanted to write fanfiction. I wanted to roleplay. I wanted to live with Frodo in Middle-earth.

Still, I did what I was supposed to do and filled my time with extracurriculars like a good "self-starter," and when I got into college, it was the same thing all over again. I could not expect into med school if I simply did well academically. I had to have extracurriculars again, and for best results these had to "prove" that I was truly interested in the medical field -- research, volunteering, medical mission trips, etc.

I had exactly one extracurricular in college that I enjoyed -- working for the campus crisis line. But my "resume" was a mile long, and guess how happy I was.

And in medical school it was the same thing yet again! It was less egregious, but enriching medically adjacent activities outside one's classes were highly encouraged.

And in residency, AGAIN, it was the same thing. If you weren't doing extra "optional-but-not-really" crap to pad your resume, you were missing out. They were a little more sane about it, but still, it was there.

And finally, I am at the end. I've got my "real doctor job." I can see patients and go home. This is what I've always wanted -- to perform a set of functions, maybe even highly advanced and demanding functions, and go home, and do what I want. Which is, you guessed it, nerd out online about my favorite media, watch said media, and write fanfiction. Does this make me a tool? Yes, perhaps, but an expensive, highly specialized tool, thank you very much. The world runs on such tools as me, and I have no shame about it.

I am done pretending I have "leadership qualities." I lead my medical team, thank you very much, and that's more than enough for me. Do I want to be the director of our department, if the spot were to open up? No, thank you, no, thank you, no thank you -- it's only a little bit more pay for a truckload of administrative duties. When I was a leader of various student groups, I had more than enough of politics, conflict resolution, paperwork, and inane meetings. I've had more than enough hassling people who weren't keeping up, and offering assistance I was ill-equipped to provide.

Do I want to take on trainees? Hmm, try elsewhere. Do I want to be a beta user who helps developers of the electronical medical record software? Are you kidding me? Do I want to sit on a committee? Yeah, look for another idiot. I have better ways to spend my lunchtime (read: thinking about fanfic).

And it feels so good to finally be able to say no and to be free for a change.

(Importantly, none of the above has anything to do with coasting at work, "just wanting to get my paycheck and get out," or "quiet quitting." I am good at my job and take pride in continuing to be so. I give my all every day, and I'm always working to improve my knowledge and skills, because medicine is always changing. THOSE are things I am only too happy to work on outside of office hours.)

[foxymoxynoona]

First of all congratulations I’m very happy for you and your family

I heard that giving birth in the USA is very expensive. Excuse if my question is too intimate or rude but how people can afford it if it’s true and how they can pay?

And how can afford more than one child? No offense really I’m just curious

Hospitals are expensive absolutely so if you don’t have insurance or depending on your insurance plan you can be responsible for a ridiculous amount of a very high bill. There are some ways to get a lot of it dismissed if you don’t have the money and don’t have insurance but it also depends on the hospital and your circumstance and how much time you have to fight the bills.

Tbh I don’t remember what the total was for either of my previous deliveries though because I have INCREDIBLE insurance so I didn’t pay a thing for either of them. It’s a large part of why I’ve been with my same company for so long, good insurance is a really important benefit in this country especially if you have kids who also will have medical needs. I think it’s completely fucked up to have to worry about medical and dental insurance though, the whole system needs to be abolished, it literally ends and ruins lives

If you remind me I can share what my total is after my baby is born haha. I know for all my medical stuff last year I think it was like $400k which was less than I expected honestly but I was also very glad to not pay any of it. The surgeon was joking with me about how since he didn’t actually remove any of my intestines (just gallbladder and tumor) he would have to bill for a lesser surgery (because the surgery I had has no precedent and so no insurance billing code) so I got a “discount” lol. So fucked up and yet here we are! Also interesting is that my 5 day emergency hospital stay in one state was almost the same cost as my major surgery and two week hospital stay in another, so rates vary big time by state and hospital!

Anyway. It sucks 🙃 but I am sooooo grateful for my insurance (both medical and dental including 100% orthodontics which is good because my oldest is starting orthodontics now and it’s $$$)

[dollsonmain]

I kind of feel bad for That Guy, actually.

He's refused to have insurance all this time because he thinks it's a scam.

I kind of agree. You pay in and pay in and either never need it and of course never get it back, or when you need it you have to fight with the insurance company to get them to pay for things, especially if you have atypical needs like common meds not working for you and needing alternatives. I've watched so many disabled friends struggle with their insurance to get their medical needs covered, and being disabled, unable to afford them otherwise.

I didn't realize that part of his proud "We're self-pay." statements stemmed from a lack of knowledge about the cost of healthcare. He's also always going on about having more money than he knows what to do with, but that's because he's neglected all of our medical needs, including his own, and is letting the house fall apart around us. I can only do so much to keep it together with a disabled body and no funds.

I pity him because it must have been quite the shock to go from thinking that of course he knew, his assumptions were right about what he knew, and then have the universe come along and show him that not only did he not know, but to do so in the one place that really hurts him, the one thing he really cares about: His wallet. Doubly painful that it was a lesson learned when paying for care for me; someone he sees as a burden already (he really doesn't like buying me food) and not as a person but as a tool.

Every time I've needed medical care and he's had to pay it out of pocket I've mentioned that One Big Thing and he'd wish we had insurance.

I'm sure it also stings to be constantly telling US in an angry voice that we HAVE to know things! We HAVE to know EVERYTHING, there is so much going on in life, we HAVE to know, and then get hit very hard with undeniable proof that he wasn't as knowledgeable about a subject as he thought he was.

That has to have been a hard lesson, especially having to see me being unsurprised by the expenses and able to talk about things like medical tourism, proving again that I knew more about something when he's convinced himself that of course he's smarter than me in all things. That's something I used to believe, too.

As deserved as it is, I feel bad for him having to go through that learning experience because it's hard and unpleasant.

-

I do not feel guilty for the medical bills nor do I feel guilty that he's paying them after 20+ years of emotional, sexual, and financial abuse, and me trying to convince him to get insurance for at least him and our son since he refuses to marry me because it would give me leverage and rights therefore his work insurance wouldn't cover me anyway, and to start a college fund for our son when he was born because I couldn't since he'd taken me away from my job (with really good insurance, by the way) after ignoring our contraceptive methods without my consent and got me pregnant knowing full well that I didn't want kids.

I'm sure my anger comes through even when I'm saying I pity him.

I am sorry that the cost is equating to the loss of a year's wages before taxes in the course of a few months and he absolutely hates his job. It's already been more than what he earned from selling his late father's house (split 50/50 with his sister on a derelict townhouse in Philadelphia, so about $42k earned but already $60k payed/pending) and I'm sorry about that, too.

However, I'm not at fault how much health care costs in the U.S. any more than I'm at fault for needing it.

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

so I keep learning about The Horrors™️ of American healthcare and I keep hearing Americans talk abt this shit like it’s totally fine and let me tell y’all. It’s not. Apparently and ADHD or Autism test costs like 500$ for you guys? And then when you do get diagnosed you gotta think abt shit like “okay but do I actually need meds?” Bc apparently that’s a financial decision? But it,,, it shouldn’t be right? Right okay bc

I live in Europe, specifically Austria, and this is how healthcare works here: if you have a job you have healthcare. Your employer pays for it. They have to. It’s absolutely illegal and unheard of not to. They do take about 20% out of your pay-check every month to pay for that and other legal things that I don’t quite understand (my dad explained it to me once but I’m 20 so I still don’t get it bc I don’t really have to but every cent they take out benefits me I think so it’s fine).

Now irl this is a lot more complicated but basically, you have public healthcare and private healthcare and then just stuff that’s up to the government (like ambulance rides, I think. Even if you don’t have insurance u don’t pay for that. I know this bc an American friend of mine didn’t and had to go to the hospital and called a cab and when they told me I was like “??? BRO WHY NO AMBULANCE” this is also how I found out that Americans have to pay for ambulance rides. wtf.)

Basically your insurance covers all medical expenses from doctors who are in your network (public practice). This is your GP, hospitals, and pretty much all specialised docs (dentist, internists, cardiologists, etc.). However, the public offices are much busier than the private ones (obvi) so if you’re in a rush, want special treatment, or just be a little fancy you can CHOOSE to pay for private doctors. And even then you can hand in those bills to your insurance and you get part of the money back (abt 30% which you receive abt 4 months after handing the bill in).

If you keep your bills for private care doctors you can hand them in to,,, someone somewhere somehow (idk man) and get a bigger tax return. (bc we don’t calculate our taxes ourselves. it just gets taken out of your pay-check by your employer every month and then at the end of the,,, fiscal year??? I guess?? Idk man idk how shit works — you get any money that was like,,, extra (????) back)

Now you might ask yourself: “phi, why would I pay for doc if I can go to free doc?” Which is an excellent question. Again, for most people it’s about waiting times but there is one field where it just really makes more sense: mental health services. Private practitioners have less clients and more high quality care than public ones because they choose their own funding, which, surprise surprise, is better than public funding.

I will now take you through my own personal journey so you can have a practical example of how good healthcare CAN AND SHOULD BE (keep in mind here I have parents who after messing me up and being terrible but learning their lessen once I became an adult and told them how horrible they were are very supportive of me pursing my mental health)

When I was about to turn 20 I went to my GP and had a conversation with her about how I think I might have ADHD. She asked me about my complaints and agreed there definitely are symptoms indicating it. She wrote me a referral to a Psychiatrist. When I got to my Psychiatrist she tested me and because of the referral she could tell the insurance company that this test was necessary and not elective, meaning insurance payed for it in full and I never even saw that bill.

Now I had a diagnosis all but a week later. I spoke to my parents who agreed to support me in finding private care. My Psychiatrist charges 160€ (insurance returns 48€) per appointment which my mum graciously pays for. I see him once every couple of months to check in on my use of medication and how I’m responding and to see if my dosis needs adjustment. If and when I need a refill, I only have to write him an email. Before he could put me on medication I needed a blood draw and cardiac test, to ensure that I qualified for a stimulant, since they can be harmful in some cases. He wrote me referrals and I went to my GP and a public cardiologist for those tests, which were all free of ANY charge.

I was then cleared to take my meds within a few weeks (cardiologist had a bit of a waiting list). I was prescribed Ritalin and some sleeping pills by my psychiatrist. He gives me the prescriptions and a letter to the insurance company asking them to cover the cost, as I have a diagnosis which he confirmed again in his initial assessment of me. Now that I’ve gotten approved, all I pay for is the prescription, not the actual medication. Which is about 6-7€ for the Ritalin and 4-5€ for the sleeping pills (monthly supply each).

My Therapist is also a private doctor. She charges 120€ per session and I go twice a month, which is 240€ per month. My dad contributes 100€ and my mum contributes 30€, which means I’m down to 110€ per month. Insurance pays 30€ per session (so 60€ per month) so I pay a grand total of 50€ or 25€ per session.

So my medical treatment each month costs me just about 62€ AT MOST (since I don’t always need my sleeping pills refilled).

Now, just for fun, let’s assume my parents don’t support me and I see both my therapist and my psychiatrist in the same month and need both my meds refilled. This would come to just about 304€ (because of insurance deductions).

But you have to consider that I DON’T see my psychiatrist every month, so the more realistic monthly cost would be 187€. And should I decide I can’t pay for that I can still get on a waiting list for public mental health practitioners, in which case the only thing I’d ever need to pay for are the prescription costs for my medication which would still be up to 7€ for the Ritalin and up to 5€ for the sleeping pills putting the grand total at 12€ PER MONTH.

My family and I simply chose the quicker, more efficient option, but no one twisted our arm into paying this amount of money FOR BASIC CARE.

And yes, it’s a lot of bureaucracy (it took me WAY too long to spell that) and paperwork, but I’d much rather that than have to decide between mental well-being or being broke.

So, my conclusion: Cancel America, move to Europe, OR just tell the American People In Charge Men that it is that easy and they really should try a little harder and you citizens shouldn’t settle for the shit you have to put up with right now because wtf

if you wanna cry a little it’s okay lemme know I’ll come sit with you and offer a hug but you can say no if that’s not your thing

anyways love ya

phi

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

080 of 2024

a survey for adults

Created by scarintheblue

do you watch or listen to the news?

Rarely. They're always depressing.

what will you do with your tax refund?

How did you know, I'm one of the few people in this country who get a tax return. Probably somewhere in September.

other than your car or your house, what is your priciest worldly posession?

Probably my laptop.

do you have children? if so, how many? if not, do you want them?

No, I don't. At least not on my own. I don't want kids, one stepson is enough.

where do you stand on the state of the national economy?

Hehe, Belgian economy. I'm not gonna say anything lol.

do you think that we should have gone to war with iraq?

No, it's not our war.

how do you feel about the current wire-tap issue?

What is that even?

do you have insurance? is it more of a help, or a hindrance?

In my country, health insurance is mandatory, so yeah, obviously I have it. It's always help, it saved me from huge debt when I landed in the hospital.

are you a college graduate? if so, has it made a difference in your career?

Yeah, I am. It made it easier to get my job since I'm an electrical engineer.

what would you rather be doing right now?

Going to the Polish shop for food.

do you go to church?

Not for prayer as such, but I like to visit churches to find peace.

are you religious or spiritual?

I'm agnostic, I'm looking for answers.

do you feel that you were raised without religion?

Not at all. My parents are both religious, even though they were raised in two different Christian religions.

how do you feel about being an american?

Thankfully I'm not American and I've never been.

what world issues concern you the most?

War in Ukraine.

how do you feel about same sex marriage?

I'm in same sex marriage, here's your answer.

do you think that a woman can be an effective president?

Look at Finland, they made it.

who do you think is most responsible for "the way you turned out?" why?

It's just life and its events. Everything that happens shapes us in some way.

do you feel differently about love and sex now than you did at 17?

Nah. I've never been interested much.

what does it mean to you to committ?

To stay loyal to the one I love. Pretty easy.

how important are the arts?

Pretty important to some. Every profession is valuable and brings something.

are you a registered voter? did you vote in 04? will you vote in 08?

Damn this survey is old. In my country, voting is mandatory so yeah, I'm a registered voter and I do vote.

would you ever join the military? why or why not?

I've been thinking about it, but I'm not allowed for medical reasons.

do you use algebra in your daily life?

Doesn't everyone? Even for simple things like paying the bills and counting money.

what is the most important thing in your life?

Health and family, and of course our cat.

what is the biggest problem in your life?

Poor health. Chronic illness and physical disability.

do you have a guilt complex?

I do, more than it's healthy.

how many people do you know who are in debt?

A lot. But I personally try to avoid it at any cost.

are you happy with your life as it is?

Generally yes, but I still have my moments.

how upset did these questions make you?

Not at all. I'm an adult, after all.

[haechannabelle]

hiii today is bad my hair is messy but we out here i guess. lots of very negative venting under the cut yayyy (it’s okay tho venting made me feel better)

i’m just frustrated because my stupid job where i have to stand on concrete floors for 7 hours a day has ruined my knees, i have the knees of like a fucking 60 year old and i’m not even 30, like i can’t exercise and i keep gaining weight from my medication and idk what to do about it

and i made an appointment to hopefully get a doctor’s note so i can sit at work but because i’m on medicaid my doctor was like yeah earliest i have is in three months and even then he’ll have to refer me to a specialist to get anything done about it

and my arm has also been bothering me since we moved in august, it’ll go away but then it comes back worse. so of course i’m worried about that too

and NOW my foot is all fucked up on TOP of that stuff and because they’re doing stupid construction on all the public transit i’m walking like an extra 3 miles some days which obviously isn’t helping anything…and i had to leave work today because i couldn’t stop crying because i feel like my body is failing me and i can’t afford to take time off of work and also fuck the healthcare “system” in this country, i just had to pay a $750 bill for dental work so who KNOWS how much it’ll cost if i need treatment for my knees OR arm OR foot OR all three of them

anyways i’m sad and in pain and im freaking out about how i’m gonna get it all fixed or IF i’m gonna get things fixed and how much i’ll have to pay if i do…. it’s just not a good situation and it’s only been building as i tried to ignore the problems and hope they would go away, so now i’m directing anger at myself for not taking care of myself

but whatever my partner will be home soon and he’s gonna drive me to the doctor tomorrow and i know he’ll have comforting things to say. i know it’ll all be okay i’m just upset and what is tumblr for if not long sad personal posts and also selfies riiiiight ???

in other news tomorrow is 4/20 and i WILL be ceremoniously ending my 3 week T-break and i cannot fucking wait. i read four (4!!!) books in that time which is 4x as many books as i had read in the previous 5 years so,, i’m doing good in other ways !!!

everything is gonna be okay, it’s just hard right now. shoutout to anyone who read this far i am virtually giving you a fresh baked cookie 🍪

[kamianya-ttv]

I really hate the ADHD tax, in some ways more than the physical disability tax.

Because yes, it sucks to have tons of medical bills, to need more expensive precut veg, or lots of microwavable/easy meals. To need to pay for a car rather than be able to take public transport in the city because your body just can’t on trains and buses. To need to have the air conditioner on high despite the cost because otherwise your body stops functioning. Etc etc etc.

Yes, there's so many ways that being physically disabled and chronically ill makes life WAY more expensive. 

But in some ways it's not as painful, as, say, throwing out the leftover chicken wings from yesterday that were supposed to be dinner today, because I left them in the oven ‘til now (8pm the next day).

Because not only do I now have to suddenly face using extra unplanned for spoons to try to figure out new dinner (and I’m writing this right now instead because my brain is having trouble coping with the idea), it's also my fault. 

Not society for the way disabled people are treated, or lack of accessibility.

Mine. 

And yes, there's a big way in which that's not true. I have ADHD. I have memory issues. They're made worse by my physical issues. 

But I still have no dinner ready, I still can't begin to conceive how to fix it today, and it's still because *I* left the chicken out.

I know this is a very specific situation, but this isn't the first time I've had this EXACT case (hey. chicken wings are easy to make, but I have a cat so they stay in the oven until I'm ready to put them away). 

And it's emblematic of the overall issue.

If I could just remember to call Verizon while they're open and I have the energy, I could get the financial aid discount. If I could just remember to return that item before too late, I'd get my reimbursement. If I could just remember those veggies in the fridge, they wouldn’t go bad and need to be trashed before I can cook with them, causing both food waste and money waste.

And not only does every little forgetting-late bills, repairs getting forgotten until they're much worse, a car issue forgotten except when in the car, etc etc etc etc-add up and up and up? They're my fault. There's no one to blame but me.

And DAMN that hurts.

I don't have tips or tricks this time. I have no solutions. I have knowledge that it's technically something out of our control, but still knowing that rarely helps the guilt. 

So yeah, that's what we mean when we say "ADHD tax", and that's why it can be so freaking painful to deal with.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, except to share that this is a thing and that if you do it too, you're not alone. 

If you do it too, feel free to speak up here.

But right now, I’m going to mourn my delicious wings that would not be safe to eat, and try to find the energy to make something new or the money to order something..neither of which I have right now.

[long-distance-love]

How long did it take before you knew you wanted to move in with each other? My partner and I are already talking about it but moving to another country/continent is a way bigger commitment than if we weren't long distance. I'm going to visit them first but if it feels right is there a "too soon"?

Hey Nonny,

Good question! 💕 I think there's no "too soon" to decide what you want to do on the long run. I know Benny and I weren't your everyday LDR (we had history already when we started our relationship) but I think it only took us a month to decide that I would eventually move to the country he's in.

That being said, we talked through every single thing that would tie us to our countries, and pinpointed a time from which we could actively work on solving the issue of the distance. It was half a year down the line though, and since we didn't anticipate some difficulties on the way, it ended up being 15 months. I'm not trying to say it was good and helped us figure out whether we wanted to be with each other or not, because it was horrible, and we've always known we belonged together. And yet we still met every two months through great sacrifices (especially on Benny's side), we lived together as much as possible, even if we're only speaking about one week every 2-3 months, and those experiences helped us prepare for living together. It wasn't a shock to discover Benny's routine and habits and preferences, because I've already known them. And yes, we've already chafed and maybe even argued about things.

Here's a list of things I'd consider before moving together with my long distance partner:

(Continues below the cut)

Obligations (school, work, family, friends, anything that ties you down locally)

Stage of relationship (Are we over the honeymoon phase already? Are we ready for this?)

Financial situation (mine and MY PARTNER'S - - > it's crucial whether or not they're being transparent about income, savings, debts, loans, ect. because you don't want to be surprised after you've made a serious commitment and moved in with them)

Future goals (kids, pets, retirement plan, view on saving up, view on buying a house, travel plans, etc. - - > there is NO room for compromise here, if your partner i.e. doesn't want any kids, you won't and shouldn't try to change their mind later)

Meeting / living together (Did meeting x times prepare me for having them around all the time? How did we handle conflicts in the past?)

Communication (How healthily do we cope with arguments and conflicts? How well do we communicate?)

Trust (Have they ever done anything to undermine my trust in them? - - > this is why time is a factor here; on the short run, you might not notice red flags)

Sex (Are they aware of my preferences? If I'm ace, do they respect my decision? If we're okay with sex, are we compatible, and if we are, do we know each others boundaries?)

Mental health issues / disabilities / medical issues (Are they aware of mine, and am I aware of theirs? If they never got any better for the rest of our lives, would I still be okay with being with them? - - > this requires a brutally honest answer)

Practicalities of moving together (flat/room, rent and bills, costs of moving, visa costs & approval time, getting a job, who pays for what, when to move, etc.)

These are the things Benny and I have considered at least, but I hope this helps you make an educated decision in the future about moving together. Best of luck to you. 💕

- Danny

[chaoslaura]

#questionnaires: are you forgetful?#no not when I write it down in my calendar and check that three times a day and write it on my to do list and tell 3 people so it sticks#'no without help'

THANK YOU! I hate those (self) tests/questionnaires because it's always like "do you do x/how often does x happen etc." and the answer is always it depends! What counts as that! Does it still count if I've developed workarounds over the years that no one helped me with it!

"How often do you fail to give close attention to details, or make careless mistakes in things such as schoolwork, at work, or during other activities?" - Idk the first time/when I start, I go over board and find a million sources and think every detail is important, and later, when I've finally wrestled my brain into actually writing an essay and it's time to proofread, I'm so bored by it already I just skim it and miss stuff I "made a mental note" to check again.

"How often do you forget to do something you do all the time, such as missing an appointment or paying a bill?" - I have all the due dates for different bills and making my budget in both my calendars and a reminder on my phone so I can forget it several times and still be reminded again, which box do I check?

"How often do you have difficulty waiting your turn, such as while waiting in line?" - what does that MEAN. I don't love standing in line and get annoyed by it easily, even more so if I'm in a hurry or tired, but I just quietly stay polite and stand in line like everyone else? I'm not gonna throw a fit over it. Is that a difficulty waiting or just normal waiting in line behavior?

"how often do you fidget, tap, squirm in your seat or otherwise move in ways that are not expected of you?" what counts as that?? because I wanted to check the "almost never" box and the woman I talked to gave me a Look and said "really? you haven't stopped lightly twirling in the spinny chair and playing with the pen in your hand since we started talking" - I didn't know that counted?? DOES it count?? how much to I have to twirl or play for it to count instead of being "yeah everyone in an office does that x times an hour"?

How often do you blurt out an answer before a question has been completed, how often do find yourself talking excessively, how often do you interrupt others - IT D E P E N D S. Often with friends, never with not-friends? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

"how do you deal with x" - I DON'T KNOW, I've found workarounds over the years even if they fail more and more, I guess I'm dealing with it?? because literally WHAT is the alternative?? not dealing with it? "oh so you don't struggle with it too much then?" - I am stopping myself from crying on the floor in your office, please help me.

yeah yeah women tend to underreport on their symptoms and hell yes can we PLEASE start taking that into account (I'm not bitter I "failed" my standardised ADHD test while the woman I talked to said from our conversation she definitely thinks I have it but the tests say it's not clear/I'm just below the cut-off) but can the people making those tests maybe also be more specific? Or maybe we abolish the standarised tests and switch them out for going over those questions with a therapist and they can assess from the answers if it's ADHD or something else?

I know that's not possible - costs and bla bla yada yada we know - and the medical staff ARE (mostly) really trying to help and doing their best with the tools they're given/allowed, but it's just so FRUSTRATING. Like hey, look! I want to tell you I developed ways to deal with my bad memory and procrastination over the school years and that it somehow worked at the start of uni but by now those coping mechanisms are more and more badly failing me; I want to tell you I did well in middle school and well-ish in high school not because I'm smart or organised but because it was objectively still a managable-ish workload (and little other responsibilities) that you could cram for the night before an exam when you never had more than one exam per week; I want to tell you I lied, and still do, about so many things to hide my shortcomings from others ("what did you do today?"-"oh not much, studied a bit and cooked and met a friend :)" - me who spent the day in bed or staring at the wall/scrolling through tumblr for four hours) but it's getting harder and harder to hide and it's actually making my life fall apart, and all these other things that make me want to scream and beg for help and switch out my brain for a healthy one.

but there's no box for that.

it's like screaming "I need help" and the other gives you a high five and a sticker with the writing "you can do it" - you should really use that in a fic someday, it's a great line; you have no idea how often I think about it when I get frustrated about my brain and the mental health system around here.

..... anyway I'm done rambling in your inbox now. sorry for the wall of text; I started typing with just a short little "mental health system do better" rant and then it turned into this. unsurprisingly.

I'm gonna text you back tonight or tomorrow oh my god I'm so sorry, I have currently 13 unanswered chats I hate it here

Jess‘ rant in my askbox unlocked:✅

I can never say how often x happens because most of the time you do it unconsciously, especially when you’ve been doing it for such a long time?

That’s the difficulty in detecting ADHD in adults cause you’ve developed so many coping mechanisms to find workarounds in your life to get things done and not let anybody see how much you’re struggling, that some of these questions don’t apply to you anymore or just not in their basic understanding.

I always have ten additional questions as well to every question. One I regularly have to fill out is: “Are you so restless that you can’t sit still/fidget around?” And I know it’s related to nervousness and anxiety, but girl that’s my basic state, and my honest answer is not giving you the right information you want from me.

But what I’ve gathered is they want to know how you’re dealing with what is asked without your coping mechanisms. So “How often do you forget to do something you do all the time, such as missing an appointment or paying a bill?” would be a lot/almost always for you because you need additional help with it (and even that doesn’t seem to work). Same for me if I’m just being told something, it’s out the window, never reached my short-term memory, I will forget everything if it’s not written down and I can look at it every day, and people make fun of me for being forgetful and being worse than my grandma but it’s actually a real problem for me and makes me feel bad, thanks.

And the test shouldn’t be everything, the talk with someone who knows the signs should always be done in addition. And for me, I still find that most tests are for ADHD and not ADD, which of course I will fail because I’m nothing like hyperactive and impulsive. But my daydreaming has been a problem ever since I was a child. And also give me a twenty lines long explanation for every question otherwise I will be bothering someone with it.

“I want to tell you I lied, and still do, about so many things to hide my shortcomings from others” I feel you so much, I still want to rather hide some things from my therapist even though she needs to know when I’m doing badly, but isn’t it embarrassing when you have to admit that you can’t do life? “Oh yeah sorry wanted to lay in bed all day, no I’m not lazy I swear haha, it’s just my brain, yeah I don’t really believe it either.”

But I also learned that 70% of kids with ADHD develop another mood disorder such as depression, isn’t that nice🙃 You get two fun illnesses for the price of one.

But even if the test didn’t result in a diagnosis for you, it’s evident that something’s not working for you in life and a therapist would see that and would still be able to work with that.

People can always ramble in my inbox, it’s healthy to use an outlet, and it’s totally relatable.