imagine: you get your memories back after years of amnesia to find out your whole species is dead and earth doesn’t exist anymore. that the only thing left of your culture is your weird ex and his busted honda civic that barely even works that he stole from the government when he was 13. And he’s been taking members of an alien species for trips in his honda civic and they’re all like “woah it’s so cool” and you get upset because it’s NOT COOL it’s a honda civic, the turn signals don’t even work “wow it can go up hills” yeah OF COURSE IT CAN GO UP HILLS EVERY CAR COULD DO THAT. but they’ve never seen a car before so everything it does is the coolest thing ever. And your ex’s only tool is a fucking screwdriver which is somehow also cool to this dumbass alien species even though it’s a fucking screwdriver so you just look like an idiot screaming about how none of this is even cool it’s actually really shitty but your whole planet is gone so you can’t even prove it but also you’ve had a constant drumming sounding in your head since you were 10 slowly driving you insane. I would become evil too.
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i know we won't but GOD i hope he never tells her he's an alien i hope we have a whole series of ruby thinking he's just a time travelling human until he gets hurt and is like ohhhhhh ruby love can you check my pulses and she's like check your fucking what now
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sometimes you do need trashy media. sometimes you need to slurp toilet water like a dog.
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Bruce: How many children do I have?
Alfred: Have you honestly lost count?
Bruce: I know I should have about seven, give or take.
Alfred: Give or take?!
Bruce: But I just counted, and I swear there is an extra teenager in the left wing. *shows cameras on tablet* See? Who is that, and why do they have a fully stock bedroom?
Alfred: Sir that's Master Tim
Bruce: No, Tim's bedroom is on the first floor of the left wing.
Alfred: Ah, my eyes aren't as they used to be. I mistook Master Jason for Master Tim-
Bruce: Jason changed his room to the right wing, by the libary.
Alfred: Master Damian-
Bruce: Is shorter than this person and also in the right wing.
Alfred: Master Dick perhaps-
Bruce: He doesn't even live here anymore. Also who ever this is not a female so its not Cass or Steph and he is definitely too scrawny to be Duke.
Alfred: .......Who the bloody hell is this?
Bruce: I don't know! He called me Dad and asked me to sign his school trip permission slip, so I did, but I have no idea who this kid is!
Alfred: Good lord, I think I made his bed this morning. I didn't even realize it wasn't one of the children's rooms!.....he would make an excellent spy for the crown :D
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A Steve who cannot buy his boyfriend Eddie's movie tickets all time, take him out to bi weekly dinners, or even publicly win him a teddy bear at the fair is a Steve who pivots, and starts making trips the the closest hobby store.
The bigger one, that sells more than just a handful of D&D manuals.
The guys who hang around there are initially confused--the sports guy who should clearly be buying sports cards is instead coming in once a month to load up on everything from fantasy books to new dice. Clearly he has to be a nerd in disguise.
Yet when one brave soul casually asked what his preferred game was he said basketball, like a total normie.
Finally after a full year of this, the guy opens the door to the shop, but for once doesn't step in. Instead, Eddie steps through and gasps, before spinning and loudly accusing Steve of hiding the store from him.
"It's not my fault you refuse to drive this far out." Steve fires right back but there's a smile on his face, and the stores entire crew watch in awe as Steve follows Eddie around.
Steve is always careful in Hawkins, when it comes to not acting like they're in a relationship but its hard in the moment, and he's not as careful as he should be.
Eddie brings an entire armload of things to the front of the store and Steve insists on paying because;
"It's your birthday man, I'm not gonna make you pay for your own presents."
They leave, the two of them practically floating, leaving behind a bewildered group of people who immediately start arguing whether or not they heard the weird sporty guy call the metalhead "baby."
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