#so it’s a challenge but. We Deal We Deal. anyway joke’s on her because she was trying to go to bed but we all talked for hours instead

[pussymasterdooku]

my dad is considering paying his beloved 25 year old employee/emotional affair partner’s income taxes to make a problem go away. this is obviously not going over well with my mother. in fact it may get us the rest of the way to her leaving! so that’s a father’s day for the books

[toocabaret]

I’ve been having some Thoughts™️ about the weird meta paradox of gerri kellman’s sexuality. as basically The Older Woman on the executive floor she’s trying as much as is possible to blend in with her male colleagues while also not being perceived to be doing so. muted colours and understated makeup. a competent filing cabinet. her husband is dead and her daughters are nameless. she was sexual once but that’s out of sight out of mind and now it’s just the work. it must be a relief in some ways to become finally unfuckable because you’re over 40. she can finally be taken seriously, but only if she toes the line between being too female and not female enough. trying but not too hard. desirable in the past tense only. an honorary man but still in a skirt. and while the men around her can fuck their much younger assistants and get sports massages and run a sex trafficking ring on a cruise ship, she is the job and only the job and that keeps her safe. for a bit anyway.

the irony of gerri saving the company from the full legal extent of a sex scandal by dating someone from the DOJ??? like i’ll never be over it. even filing cabinets have to flatter and please and fuck when called upon. i genuinely don’t believe any of the other execs could have swung it because they’re not women. she dated laurie (generally unseen unless framed from another man’s possessive perspective) to save the men from going to jail for covering up rape allegations. the irony is delicious. and even though she did that, she’s discarded once she’s framed sexually. Dick Pic Gate was out of her control and yet when confronted with any element of gerri’s sexuality (even her PASSIVE sexuality, even after using it to save his company), logan dismisses her as weak or impractical or failing or whatever other excuse he uses to justify his disgust.

i would argue that roman’s interest in gerri is not in spite of but BECAUSE of her asexual framing. it’s a challenge that he’s never going to win which is ideal for his impotency issues; he can push and push and get the thrill out of it, out of the fucked up power dynamic, but he knows he’ll never have to actually fuck her. it’s all hypothetical: down a phone, through a door, half-joking, covered in sensible skirt suits. gerri’s deliberate lack of sexualizing is counterintuitively a turn-on for roman. and i bet the game of chicken they play is freeing for her too because the fact that she has to be professional and cannot be sensual is part of the fun of it. “roman is weird about gerri”. “it’s fucking disgusting”. not because of their family history, or their professional positions, but because she’s old. because the absence of her sexuality is enough of a presence to be off-putting. shiv patronising her about it as a power play is so weird because she’s talking to her simultaneously like a child and like an old woman, and gerri, agency-less, just has to keep reassuring her “i can cope”.

BUT it’s worse than that because it’s so meta. Because gerri is hot. her actor is attractive and like roman, many people watching find her sexless, no-nonsense framing to be titillating. me included. what if roman likes gerri not because of oedipal issues but just because she’s hot and god forbid we find a woman over 50 hot? but whether or not gerri is hot in the context of the show shouldn’t be a big deal, she should have been able to escape this by now!!! she’s in her 60s she’s a widow she’s tired stop sexualizing her!!! but don’t NOT sexualize her either because that’s problematic too and old women can be hot and old women shouldn’t have to be hot and suddenly i’m making gerri do what waystar does and exist as something sexual and non-sexual at the same time. she has a huge plotline in which she’s essentially a sex object. whether or not gerri is fuckable is talked about as much in the show with mildly-disgusted fascination as it is in the real world!!! she can’t win she’s hot she’s old she’s sexually framed she’s deliberately trying not to be she wants sex she doesn’t want sex she’s covering sex with sex and she’s telling roman to leave her alone so she can just do her damn job because she knows that this is what will bring her down!!! sex scandals historically don’t get men fired but an unsolicited dick pic knocks gerri off her podium in logan’s head forever. even now i’m talking about it at such length because i’ve given it so much thought!!! she’s the only woman in the old guard and she’s one of the most sexualized characters in succession. but only as a joke. in the abstract. never actually. because that would be weird. right?

[pitchsidestories]

The Princess Diaries II Zećira Mušović x Reader

chelsea women masterlist

The Swedish Princess got enganged. Scroll further to find the whole transcript of their adorable engagement video with the swedish national team goalkeeper

Interviewer: So how did you two first met? gives them both a curious look

Zecira: To be honest I did not recognize who she was back when. grins sheepishly

Princess!Reader: That's true, for me personally I found that very refreshing smirks

Zecira: She says that now but I don’t think she did back then throws a teasing smile at her

Interviewer: What happened ?

Zecira: It all happened during a football game looks into the eyes of her fiancée

Princess!Reader: Yes, it was a sweden game of course slowly nods while she can't look away

Zecira: I think we even won that game smiles

Princess!Reader: Yeah you did so naturally I went to the after party to congratulate the whole team and you might have heard about it but swedish female football team partys are legendary chuckles

Zecira: You make it sound like it was a big deal laughs

Princess!Reader: Well it kinda was, you girls were securing the third place in the world cup her tone getting more serious

Zecira: Maybe it was kind of a big deal

Princess!Reader: See?

Zecira: So anyways, she was standing there and I didn’t know who she was speaks animatedly with her hands

Princess!Reader: Yes, which was nice and akward at the same time but my instinct was just go with it shrugs

Zecira: I might have had a few drinks already so I just went for it

Interviewer: You flirted with the princess ? shakes his head in surprise

Zecira: Yeah. But I didn’t know it at the time

Princess!Reader: True

Zecira: I only found out hours after that

Princess!Reader: Magda and Frido had to spoil it and tell her about my identity rolls her eyes

Zecira: Didn’t stop me from texting her though smiles confidently

Princess!Reader: Of course not because Z loves a good challenge winks at her fiancée before turning her face back to the camera

Zecira: I do grins bright

Princess!Reader: And what a challenge it was for our both families to accept this entwines her fingers with Zeciras while speaking about it

Interviewer: Tell us more about it.

Zecira: Well, my parents were panicking quite a bit shrugs it off

Princess!Reader: They did until I met them for the first time, remember that love?

Zecira: That’s what you say, they still panic before you come visit them jokes

Princess!Reader: Same, to be honest

Zecira: No, you don’t. Wait, you do? gives her an astonished look

Princess!Reader: Yes, I always feel like I might not be good enough for you in their eyes.. bites her lip

Zecira: Even though you’re a princess?

Princess!Reader: That does not mean I'm the perfect daughter in law, love..

Zecira: It doesnt? winks at her

Princess!Reader: Oh you disagree, huh? looks at her in amusement

Zecira: I do nods

Princess!Reader: Maybe your parents will change their minds too someday in a hopeful tone

Zecira: What am I supposed to say about that, huh? hides her face behind her long hands for a moment

Princess!Reader: next question, please ? turns her head to the interviewer

Zecira: See, she never wants to talk about that huffs

Interviewer: I can tell. But what the swedes want to know how was the propasal and who asked the big question?

Princess!Reader: I did. Really.

Zecira: She did sighs

Princess!Reader: Much to Z's dismay, she even shed a few tears gives her fiancée a teasing smile

Zecira: I had an allergy! laughs

Princess!Reader: In our flat in London ?

Zecira: Yes !

Princess!Reader: So you're allergic to romantic moments ? sounds skeptical

Zecira: Maybe.

Princess!Reader: Maybe?

Zecira: Yeah, my nose is running and my eyes are watering when there’s an emotional moment. Must be an allergy throws her hands up in defence

Princess!Reader: No, that's called feelings chuckles

Zecira: It is? irony dripping from her voice

Princess!Reader: Yeah

Zecira: Oh

Princess!Reader: So yes, we can't wait to get married as you can see grins

Interviewer: I can tell. Any plans for the future?

Princess!Reader: Actually, we do, which one do you think we can tell them, Z ?

Interviewer: you have several plans? interjects

Zecira: Of course but we also know that some things can't be planned..

Interviewer: For example?

Zecira: Children getting serious

Interviewer: That’s… a big plan laughs surprised about Zecira's openess

Princess!Reader: It's but we..

Interviewer: Yes ?

Princess!Reader: Nevermind blushes

Zecira: Let’s just say that our future plans are not that far into the future offers a mischievous smile to the camera

Princess!Reader: Exactly, that might be a good end for our interview, right?

Interviewer: Usually I should end the interview but sure. I think we got enough gives them a satisfied look

Princess!Reader: thanks shakes the hand of the interviewer

"Let’s leave, love.", with a huge smile on Zecira's face she took your hand in hers to get out of the studio where the engagement interview took place.

Hopeful you looked up to the taller woman: "Right, someone has a game to play and I hope Frido secured a good place for me."

"I’m sure, she did.", the goalkeeper reassured you.

With a glance at your phone you answered with a nod: Ah yes, she texted me earlier and is already waiting."

"See you after the game.", your fiancée hugged you fiercly.

Cheerful you wished her good luck.

In a flirty tone Zecira replied:" I don’t need that. I got you here."

Suddenly Fridolina who was still healing from her knee injury appeared at your side:" Don't worry, I'll take care of your princess for you."

"I hope you will.", Zecira said.

Quickly the injured blonde football player responded:"Promise."

"You better should. I’ll see if she’s happy after the game.", the goalkeeper warned her teammate jokingly.

After the match, you were in the stands, leaning down towards your fiancée so you could kiss her: "Your saves were amazing, Zecira !"

"Just for you, love.", the taller woman answered, looking overjoyed about the win.

"For you, the team and me."

"Yeah, fine.", Zecira snotted.

Your cheeks were flushing while you admited:"But it sounded very cute from your lips."

Cheekily your fiancée asked:" How does another kiss from these lips sound?"

"That sounds perfect." , you declared before the goalkeeper was drawing you in for an even more passionate kiss.

"Come here then."

To our readers: Do you like this form of storytelling? Should we do it more often ?

[navstuffs]

two weeks

Pairing: leon kennedy x gn!reader

Summary: "give me two weeks, you won't recognize her."

Warnings: songfic, SMUT SO MINORS DNI, sort sub!leon, confident reader

Author's Notes: if you know this song, you already know what's coming ;) this fanfic is also an ode to my queen fka twigs (so you can imagine the pressure i felt writing this lol). leon is also very lucky with me; first sade and now fka twigs? he is a lucky motherfucker man. enjoy your reading!

my leon's masterlist

"I know it hurts, you know I'd quench that thirst

(I can treat you better than her)

You say you're lonely, I say you'll think about it"

Like most things in your life, it doesn't start the "right" way. Yes, there is a date, but never a proper second or maybe third date, then a kiss. And at a particular stage of life, you didn't think you could seduce or date anyone. Even more so, your partner and friend Leon S. Kennedy. You had lost your touch or never really had one. And he was clearly in love with somebody else.

You had to hear about it occasionally if you decided to join him to drink. It bothered you more than it should, but you could do nothing about it.

And Leon Kennedy had the tendency to only "flirt" as a joke, anyway. 

The smiles, the flirty smiles in your direction. They started here and there, just a tiny detail you didn't think much of, figuring it was just Leon being Leon. Then, the flirting. As if you could call it flirting, the man straight invited you to dinner after you two almost died in the hands of a B.O.W.

Leon's priceless face, when you accept it, makes everything almost all worth it.

"Higher than a motherfucker, dreaming of you as my lover

Flying like a streamer, thinking of new ways to do each other"

Leon is unsure during dinner. You watch his eyes wander around the restaurant, never looking straight at your face. The menu has confusing names with food you have never heard of. Leon had chosen a fancy place he clearly never went, and also somewhere he wasn't comfortable. 

Later, after eating what you think was a snail with a weird tomato, you question why he brought you here. Leon mumbles he never thought you would accept it.

"Why?"

"I guess because you know...my situation."

"I know it hurts, you know I'd put you first

(I can fuck you better than her)"

Ada Wong? Oh, you knew their situation pretty well. You have heard more than once, actually: she and Leon seem to be connected to each other with a certain tension that never seems to die down over the years. This doesn't frighten you; you never ran away from a challenge. You preferred the harder ones anyway.

You wouldn't be stealing Leon from her since he was never his. And even if he was, it didn't matter.

"It doesn't really matter," You conclude, finishing your drink.

"Why not?"

"Because you could be mine at the end. We can't risk that."

The smile Leon gives you is all the answer you need.

"Feel your body closing, I can rip it open

Suck me up, I'm healing for the shit you're dealing"

You are bad, Leon realizes, really bad. It is the way you make him feel pleasure, the way look at him, fierce and daring, as if he is the only one for you. It makes him feel special, unique, like Ada never could. Not because she didn't want to but.

"Hey, eyes on me, Leon."

Your authoritative voice calls him back, and Leon feels a chill. He had only seen you concentrated like this during missions. Looking deadly and calm, Leon Kennedy is your target now. Leon shouldn't have invited you to his apartment, but he was curious. Curious to see how further you could actually go.

How you would make him yours.

It could be enough, Leon thinks, his hand pushing your head down into his hard cock. He likes to watch you suffocate and how good your lips are around his dick, your mouth wet and slippery, perfect for him.

After falling into bed, exhausted, Leon confesses, his face hidden by his sweaty hair.

"This...could work."

You smirk back. You could work with that.

"Smoke on your skin to get those pretty eyes rolling

My thighs are apart for when you're ready to breathe in"

You don't call Leon the next day. Or the other. He calls you on Monday night after a full day of behaving like nothing happened during the weekend as if you two remained just good co-workers.

He comes by your house, and you imagine he will want to finish everything. It would be typical of Leon to get afraid if someone got too close. Leon would apologize and argue it was all a mistake. His kiss as soon as you open the door silences your internal doubts. Leon Kennedy is there, and he wants you.

You take him to your bedroom, clothes falling on the way, and you ignore the little emotion you have when he looks so vulnerable under your palms. You suck him again because Leon Kennedy asks for it. It seems someone has gotten addicted to your mouth. 

"So good. Fuck."

You let him moan and tremble in your bed. A bed that you often imagined you would, one day, have Leon for yourself, just for you. His moans fill up the room, and you suspect you will never be able to sleep again without thinking about it.

"Suck me up, I'm healing for the shit you're dealing

High motherfucker, get your mouth open, you know you're mine"

You are at his house now, almost two weeks since this started. Leon has you under him, back against the mattress, legs spread apart. You look a mess, and he loves it. His hands rub your chest, giving your nipple a good squeeze, focusing on moving his hips against you. The way you liked. Oh yeah, Leon Kennedy, in less than two freaking weeks, knows precisely where to hit.

"Shit." He groans, his mouth open with his eyes semi-closed.

He looks sinful. If there was ever some God of sex around or a demon, Leon would be one of his forms used to seduce people. And he is trembling, shaking, panting because of you.

"Leon."

You must remind him to bring himself back and stop teasing you. He looks at you, and his blue eyes darken.

"What do you want? What do you need? You gotta tell me."

Oh, Leon, you think smiling. Still naive about whom exactly was in control there. He forgets sometimes you are as trained as he is. Taking him by surprise, you shift positions, sitting on top of him. Leon's dick goes further inside you, making you both groan.

"You forget Leon, I don't have much patience."

You watch as Leon Kennedy simply collapses in front of your eyes. It had been like this every night you had been together, Leon's expression changing to pure bliss. You think it was nice seeing him like this as you gently grab his face.

"Come on, you know what to do by now."

Leon licks his lips, moaning your name. He raises his hips up with ease, starting to meet your thrusts. You smile, victorious. After you both cum, bodies trembling, you can feel Leon examining your face as his warm hand rubs your cheek gently.

"We could do this if you still want me."

It is adorable how unsure he is still with himself, although his dick was buried deep inside you. As if you hadn't been banging your brains like crazy those last two weeks. But it is the first time he has been truly open.

You lick your lips, whispering.

"I know you aren't mine yet, but..."

"I want to be."

You look into his eyes, looking for any trace of insecurity from Leon. There was none, just the heavy stare of his confession. Leon reminded you of a younger version of himself, one you saw in a picture, his big blue eyes anxious and his face watching you. You knew you were in danger territory now: Leon was letting you in. 

"We could do this" Your voice sounds vulnerable and different from earlier. More emotional "It will be slow. We will take our time. No rush."

"Yes."

Leon Kennedy opens a smile that has you hide your face on his neck. You want more, much more, but for now, this is enough.

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

ARAMINTA: Welcome to the first in a series of gardenside chats!

LILAC: (drily) Production really wanted to milk the whole ‘lilac’ and ‘mint’ thing. But yeah, hi.

ARAMINTA: These will occur after each round, and after any ‘significant’ event which merits a discussion. And neither will I be exempt. On that note, Lilac - I believe we’re starting with a query for me?

LILAC: Yep, you get to wet your wick on that one first. 

ARAMINTA: (...) 

LILAC: (grins to herself) If you weren’t in the competition, who would you want to win Mad About Dodo?

ARAMINTA: Sierra. Well, I think her scores speak for themselves. She’s positive and fun, and would have got along splendidly with the extended Harper clan - with family being very important to Dodo. Also, she is a very dear friend. I could have eventually come to be happy for them both.

LILAC: We like Sierra Mitchell in this house. And if you could pick someone to not win?

ARAMINTA: Hmm. I’m not sure that I feel comfortable answering this question. Still, during the show I’ll be asking our contestants - and you - to be very honest. It would be hypocritical if I weren’t the same.

LILAC: And you learn a lot about who people are when you ask the uncomfortable questions too. So, who?

ARAMINTA: In terms of people who made it to the final round? (after a pause) If I had to choose someone: Shay.

LILAC: Why Shay?

ARAMINTA: I… never actually had the pleasure of being in a household with her, but in retrospect I didn’t like how she interrupted others while they were flirting with Dodo. Possibly this is simply due to my background as a competitive equestrian - and to my upbringing - but I didn’t think that was very fair or sporting on her part.

LILAC: I see. And likewise you didn’t think it was ‘very fair or sporting’ on Orlando's part either?

ARAMINTA: I, well…

LILAC: I mean, I could say that Shay was just doing her job. And that you and anyone else could have done the same.

ARAMINTA: I actually couldn’t have, I don’t think. But that is fair. 

LILAC: Her job was to win the competition, and Dodo’s was to give everyone a chance. He could have stopped the interruptions and said “I’m getting to know this person right now, I’ll catch up with you later?”

ARAMINTA: You are right. I… suppose that even now, I can’t imagine myself as having the confidence to do that. So perhaps that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. My apologies, Shay.

LILAC: And we don’t even know if that’s why she was interrupting people. But yeah, we often seem to find fault with people according to our own perceived weaknesses. Anyway. The only reason why I wouldn’t have wanted Shay to win was if she didn’t, I could still get her number (winks).

ARAMINTA: (giggles) She is very pretty. Speaking of ‘pretty,’ if you could go on a date with any of the Mad About Dodo contestants, who would they have been?

LILAC: Well, Shay. I like her vibe. Val for the same reason.

ARAMINTA: It was so funny how she didn’t hide being unamused by Dodo’s jokes.

LILAC: Funny - and an indication of good taste (grins). Ariah because of her creativity and interest in sustainability. Also, I have eyes. And Robin. He’s my brother in ink (nods towards her shoulder tattoo) and I like a humble intellectual.

ARAMINTA: A humble intellectual? So no Dr Roder then? (looks shocked at her own joke) I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.

LILAC: Oh, c’mon! You’re way more fun when you’re not trying to be Ms. Perfect. (turns to cameras) Who else wants a ‘Reads With Araminta’ series?

ARAMINTA: (quickly) Any other contestants?

LILAC: Theo - she was such a baddie. Hassan and Paradise. As a freegan, I like a two-for-one deal (winks). And pretty much anyone else who was there out of good faith. Ava is free to black-widow challenge Vlad outside of this save file.

ARAMINTA: I hope that no one dies during this save file.

LILAC: Yeah, that must have been rough. But we’ll be in a safer setting than on a deserted island - well, most of the time anyway. And the Watcher will just de-deadify someone off-screen, if it does happen, and we can’t persuade Grim to spare them. But I can be very persuasive. 

ARAMINTA: That she can! Earlier she almost talked Agnes into giving her a discount!

LILAC: My biggest achievement in life, yeah. And not to downplay what Bo and the rest of your household went through, but he did get brought back to life in the end. How’s he doing these days?

ARAMINTA: Very well, actually! He owns a house now, and he - well, it’s not my place to reveal his personal business, but he’s happy (beams).

LILAC: If anyone deserved a happy ending on that show, it was him. So that’s great.

ARAMINTA: What can we look forward to for this show?

LILAC: ‘Looking forward to’ is probably a better description for the Watchers and other viewers, but yeah. We’ll have some fun. Skill building will be a component of this, and there will be mini competitions where the winner gets a date with the infamous Leo Harper-

ARAMINTA: (wrinkles nose) They do not get a date with the infamous Leo Harper.

LILAC: Yeah, actually no. But they get to spend some one-on-one time with me, and an opportunity to rack up those sweet sweet friendship and romance points. And as Araminta can tell you, any solo date is a great chance to ‘wow-wow’ the bachelor-

ARAMINTA: And that’s all we have time for today! Tune in next time to find out more how the introductory round will work, and a feature with one of the fashion houses that will be sponsoring our outfits during the show.

LILAC: Bitch, we had more time than that. You so owe me details on that one...

hope your sims ears weren't burning too hard:

@akitasimblr @tipsy-clouds @changingplumbob @enchanting-whim @linalinsims

@theosconfessions @whyeverr @westonsims00 @riverofjazzsims @invisiblequeen

@ravingsockmonkey

[jhuzen]

if ur requests are open…virgin Kazuha with a player m!reader.

Reader made a bet with Beidou about how long it’ll take to get to fuck Kazuha since he’s one of the people on the Crux that the reader hasn’t fucked and Kazuha overhears.

He knows he shouldn’t give in, but he’s wanted the reader for so long so they end up fucking (and confessing feelings because I’m a romantic😭).

tip [m.reader]

actual title: [just the] tip, LMAO. I AM BACK FROM THE DEAD AND I’M BRINGING THREE SMUTS WITH ME. anyway. i think we all know when i say soon, it means 2 weeks later. fuck. i’m so sorry yall i do not know how to squeeze my brain for creativity. so the past two weeks, i’m just working out and gaming and illustrating. also i was halfway through the smut when i got the request for the player reader aND THATS WHEN IMAGINATION STRUCK. so anyway have this adorable samurai, tysm baby for letting me win your 50/50 again ilysm mwah.

𖦹 gentle sex, romantic stuff, they say ily in the end (and i am jealous), it’s been weeks since my last smut so bear with me, an attempt at an oral, fingering, penetration, lots of reassurances, top male reader

It all started with a simple bet between you and Beidou. She was the same captain that challenged you many times in drinking contests, after all (most of which, you’ve lost to her). And while you cannot exactly handle all of your alcohol like she can’t, no one could say the same when it comes to your visceral need to possibly get every living being on the bed with you.

It was a running joke between the entire crew. With your utterly promiscuous nature, you’ve managed to bed every bachelor and bachelorette on the Alcor. It was an amazing feat and an occurrence that happened so much, people would casually compare your performance with each other. Granted, it was embarrassing, but such is the price of being so… whorish.

Not a single soul was saved, even the sweet housekeeper from Mondstadt and his superior that were traveling to the nation of freedom to strike a deal with an elusive winery owner weren’t saved from your promiscuity. Beidou was already hurting from the sides from all the laughing she’s done once she realizes the fleeting glances between the two of them towards you were no mere coincidences.

But maybe not a single soul being saved was… an overstatement.

All of them weren’t safe except for one — the elusive ronin that frequently traveled with Beidou’s crew; Kaedehara Kazuha himself. For some reason, he was the one person that you couldn’t bed, and unfortunately for you, Beidou noticed. She noticed how your flirtatious flair would tone down, turning you into the most unassuming version of yourself that any of the Alcor has ever seen whenever you would entertain Kazuha up in the crow’s nest, a gentle smile on your lips instead of that knowing smirk that could leave anyone writhing.

Beidou already had an idea by then, but she decided to aid you in getting things moving as she made one bet to you.

“If you can get our romantic poet in bed with you, I will retract all drinking contests in the future.”

Your terms were flimsy and shallow. But you figured your liver would greatly appreciate the deal. And if you won, you only said that the captain would have to admit that, although untrue, you have, at some point, beaten her in one contest.

Had you only known what your dear little ronin has in store for you.

Kazuha, admittedly, is an absolute romantic. The verses in his poetry could not make that mere fact any clearer. His mind and heart can coordinate and weave the sweetest words lodged in limited verses that sing the sweetest praises to the unknown.

And often you were the victim of it. Kazuha was well aware of how subdued you seem around him, suddenly discarding the playboy persona that you were known around for, your very reputation that despite the efforts that Kazuha made in order to evade it, it still somehow managed to take the longest detour right to his heart.

You were a magnet that had limitless attraction Kazuha was just a drop in a sea of particles that continued to gravitate to you, despite his constant rumination that you were never going to be a constant in his life. He lives to seek every corner of the world while you discovered the uncharted parts of someone else’s bare skin in your endeavors.

How ironic was it that in his inconsistent lifestyle, he was terrified of having you — someone who is just as much of constant as his stays on places while he wandered through all nations.

But the tiny voice at the back of his head were screaming, pleading for a chance to even experience the atmosphere with you when wrapped in the haze of lust and sex.

It was probably why the moment he overheard your tiny wager with Beidou, the restraints that he kept on his poor longing heart suddenly loosened. And it was probably why the moment you amped up your flirtatious tendencies, Kazuha was suddenly breathless.

To experience of being the end of your smooth words was something Kazuha can only describe as what it feels like to get a taste of his own medicine. Suddenly, you were more forward, you didn’t wait for him to ask you and gaze at the skies with him on the crow’s nest. Everywhere he was, you were suddenly around, like a persistent python that coiled around him until he could no longer breathe — and he loved it.

Maybe it’s why your advances were easily reciprocated by him. Maybe it’s why all of a sudden, he wanted your hand to linger under his chin. Maybe it’s why, out of all his resistance to your charm, it all comes crashing down into a futile effort.

And maybe it’s also exactly why his heart hammered with persistence against his ribcage despite the ache in his knees as he knelt and did his best to suck you off with little to no experience under his belt.

You sat on the edge of the bed, eyes downcast to meet Kazuha’s teary eyes. He was already ruined just from this, mouth barely able to take in more of you. But you were a persistent teacher, and he was an eager student.

A smirked played upon your pretty lips, hand gliding over to Kazuha’s soft cheek before pinching it, stretching his mouth just a little bit more as you slowly pushed your hips, watching your cock make it barely even halfway through Kazuha’s mouth.

You were used to the experienced men that could take you in skillfully even with your size, but the inexperience was somewhat of a breath of fresh air — if not, utterly adorable. The way his tongue refused to stay flat while your cock pushed in, his teeth grazing against your sensitive head ever so slightly, and archons, those lovely tears that glistened through his wet eyelashes as the honorable ronin looked up at you for any form of approval.

“You’ve no idea how incredibly delectable you look right now, love.” Your smooth voice filled his ears and he hummed, pleased from the praise, leaving you hissing as the vibrations from his mouth enveloped your cock.

“Think you can manage a few more inches?” You asked with a curious grin.

Kazuha doesn’t think so, but the innate need to please you and seek your praise was something he quickly found out the moment you stripped him of his robes and adored his body with your sweet words. He nodded, a little unconvincing, a little reluctant, and a little nervous.

You guided his hands that rested on your thighs to grip the base of your length, “For better leverage,” you said, though quite true, it was equally just an excuse to feel his cute little hands around you.

The ronin nodded once more before pushing further, dipping his head until he can take more of you. His cheeks burned and the moment the tip of your head hits the back of his throat, Kazuha immediately pulls back, coughing. You ran your hand through his hair, flashing him a reassuring smile.

“Too much?”

Kazuha’s lips were wet from his own saliva. He opened his eyes to see a tiny sinful string of saliva that connected his lips to your cockhead. He looked up at you with so much determination, almost eager to try again, and while it was immensely adorable, you decided to take pity on Kazuha as you pulled him up to your lap.

“I-I can do more…”

“And we’ll work on that next time,” you said with the same soft reassurance that he has heard from you every time you and Kazuha would engage in a conversation. But it wasn’t what made his heart jump — it was the fact that you opened up the possibility of a next time for him. A possibility that this isn’t a one time thing as he feared.

Before he could even process anything else, his back hits the soft mattress beneath him. It should have been intimidating, but to see tower over him with such a huge figure, Kazuha could only feel the unbridled warmth that radiated from you. He waited with bated breath as you looked down on him, a smile so inviting that it doesn’t even remotely feel like he was participating in a bet, that you were making love to him so tenderly instead.

“Think it’s time for me to finally take care of you, hm?” Your soft croon reached his ears and he could only nod, meek yet still so bloody excited for what happens next.

He could feel his breath get caught in his throat the moment your hands easily opened his legs, and he willfully complied despite how his thighs quivered under your grasp. He watched seat yourself in between his legs, watching you open up that one familiar package of lubricant. You squeezed a generous amount on your fingers before turning to him.

“Try to relax, yeah?”

“M-Mhm…”

Kazuha doesn’t question the way his back immediately arched up as his body responded to your fingers that slowly penetrated him. He could feel the coldness and he shivered, squirming at the tight fit. He could feel it all too much. His hand immediately shot up to latch onto your strong shoulders while he let out a strangled gasp.

Your little samurai was all too enticing, “My~ what a mess I’ve made you, and just from my fingers alone too…” You laughed and Kazuha can only whimper closing his eyes shut to avoid any further embarrassment, though it was clearly futile by then.

Your slowly pumped your fingers, feeling out Kazuha’s gummy walls. He clenched on your fingers with every movement, leaving him writhing against the sheets. It was a sensation that he was all too new in experiencing. His soft gasps and quiet whines echoed through the walls of the remote inn that you graciously paid for under the guise of taking shelter with your travel companion.

Kazuha cried out your name so sweetly, and it was as if the heavens are calling you.

“[Name]… m-more…” he pleaded with a tiny voice, barely managing while your fingers continued to penetrate through his walls that continued to pulsate around your digits. You indulged in every moan that spilled from his lips as you pumped your fingers even more.

You licked your lips, eyeing the samurai in bliss so hungrily. He was ethereal even when he’s a complete mess with sweat cascading through his soft skin and his hair completely tousled as he continued to squirm from your ministrations alone. You drank the very sight of him and you couldn’t wait to take him then and there.

A choked gasp suddenly weaseled out of him as your fingers finally grazed his prostate.

“H-Hah—!” You watched in fascination as your endeared ronin came just from that alone. Cum dripped down from his cock, making a tiny pool on his abdomen. Kazuha was breathless, his body quivering in inconsistent intervals as he reached his high all too early. He looked at you, just as surprised as you are.

“O-Oh… D-Did I—? Already?” Kazuha’s embarrassment was unparalleled, but you were quick to quell that as you leaned in, showering his heaving chest the most chaste kisses, filled with so much care and love that were absent from your times with others. No amount of sweetness could amount to your shallow ones when it wasn’t Kazuha.

“You treat it like it’s a problem,” you chuckled and Kazuha’s face flushed at your playful chastising. Of course it must be a problem. One too many he’s heard about people lasting in bed a better feat when it comes to sex. But you were quick to refute the little beliefs he had. “It only means I’m making you feel good, no?”

Kazuha nodded, speechless for once at such a gentle treatment. He’s heard from the accounts of others just how rough you can be, some men even having to complain about it to you openly, while you only gave a tiny apology before slithering away. But this, even Kazuha wasn’t too certain if this was something new for you or if you thought that he was too fragile to handle you. He griped to himself at the thought and he quickly grabbed onto your wrist.

“I-I’m ready,” he muttered, giving you the full green light.

You have half a mind to question him for a second time, but his look of determination and your own cock that only throbbed painfully against your abdomen was enough to persuade you.

Kazuha could only look on, his eyes widening when his struggles earlier to take you in just with his own mouth came back to bite him in the ass. He looked up, a little frantic as the anxiety only flooded through him — he could barely suck you off without suffocating, how could he take you in so easily.

You only leaned to kiss at the shell of his ear, as gentle as you can, “Don’t worry, we’ll stop if you can’t.”

His arms were quick to hook around your neck, looking down and quivering a little as he felt the way your cockhead brushed against the rim of his entrance, prodding at him with so much temptation. “But… I don’t want it to stop…” he mumbled, only making you laugh at such a sweet sentiment.

“One at a time, mkay? It’s your first time,” You whispered as you slowly lined up, your shaft already prodding at Kazuha’s lubed up hole. “Ready?”

Taking a deep breath, Kazuha only nodded, surrendering control to you to take care of him.

It wasn’t a mistake to be so near him as your ears indulged in Kazuha’s sweetest cries as you slowly eased yourself in. You didn’t bother going all the way as you felt him clench around you even with just a few inches in. It was adorable, remotely endearing as you continued a couple more inches.

“W-Wait,” he was quick to plead, and you stopped, listening intently to his whims.

“Why don’t we practice with just this much, hm?” It wasn’t even a surprise as Kazuha quickly agreed, eager to follow you. He succumbed into the submission of being under your control, to let you do as you please to him and you relished in that very permission to take in every bit of him even the slowest ways.

You drew out some quiet sobs from poor Kazuha as your hips drew back, only to stop just before you could pull out. Your sensitive head alone could even feel the slightest bumps within his walls and it was absolutely divine.

Kazuha hiccuped through his tears despite your shallow, languid thrusts — barely even fully inside and yet he’s already so spent. You could feel every gasp getting pulled out from his system with how his cock seemed to brush against your abdomen with every movement.

“Feels good?” You asked and he only nodded — quite frankly it was a miracle that Kazuha could even still make of what you can say.

“D-Deeper, [Name],” Kazuha begged, coming out in a tiny mewl that you couldn’t seem to refuse.

You followed through his demand, letting in a couple more inches inside and he was squealing so wantonly. The way his walls clenched onto your length, he could feel every sinful throb within his tight warm walls and he couldn’t help but squirm, inching away from your cock when you held him down.

“You can do it, you’re a good boy, yes?” You smiled, your thrusts slowly growing deeper and deeper until it left him writhing underneath you. You could feel the delectable scratch on your broad back as he clutched onto you for dear life.

“M-Mhm… a good boy,” he parroted, his mind numbing with each thrust, his hips slowly meeting your movement as the fervent need to feel you grew inside him.

You were just as easily losing it as your hips moved in a steady pace. Never had you even been this gentle on someone even — but somehow Kazuha brought it out of you. Your soft grunts melded with his delectable moans as you moved your head, lips just a hair distance away from him.

And then it spills from your lips;

“Fuck… I love you so much…”

Kazuha’s eyes snapped open and you immediately stopped your movements, your cock still inches deep inside your little ronin.

A wave of clarity washed over Kazuha as the realization hit you both.

“You mean it?” He asked, love in his eyes with so much anticipation.

You only laughed as you leaned in, “Couldn’t get anymore obvious with that,” you quipped, all too amused as the blush overtook Kazuha’s face down to his neck. A little taken aback, but he only smiled, bringing you in close for a sweet kiss.

“Well, I share the sentiment.” Kazuha mumbled, his breath ghosting over your lips as a lovestruck expression completely took hold of his pretty face.

“Would it kill you to say it back?”

“I love you too.”

You only showed your satisfaction with your lips on his, your fingers digging into the soft flesh of his waist as you lifted him up. A needy whimper was pulled out of Kazuha’s throat as you thrusted one more time, a mischievous and eager smile grazing your face.

You were going to show Kazuha so much more.

And lucky for you, you’ve got the whole night to express that love to each other.

[insomniac4000]

Hinge and a Ski Trip

Chris smiled when he opened the Hinge app, he was well versed to using it by now but this time it felt different. If he was being honest though he had this different feeling before but there was something about this girl that kept drawing him to her. He checked her profile one more time. Her name was , she worked as a civil servant in the Department of Health. She had a warm smile, and a down-to-earth vibe. Her profile didn’t have the usual curated, filtered perfection; instead, her photos looked spontaneous, capturing her hiking on a sunny day, laughing with friends at a café, and petting a golden retriever in what appeared to be a park. There was something genuine about her, and that stood out to Chris in the sea of profiles that screamed for attention.

With nothing to lose, two weeks ago he messaged her, and to his surprise, the conversation flowed effortlessly from the start. They shared a few jokes, talked about their days so Chris took the plunge and asked her out for drinks, his smile widened hugely when she had said yes. The location was a casual bar on a Friday night, Chris sat there nervously checking his phone while waiting for . He rarely got nervous, but the thought of this date stirred something in him. He wondered if she’d recognize him, most people did at this point, he had lost count of the amount of times girls had turned him down only to back peddle once they had Googled him but from what he could tell through their chats,  wasn’t the type to make a big deal about things like that, she hadn't mentioned she knew who he was yet anyway.

The door opened, and Chris looked up. There she was.  entered the bar, scanning the room until her eyes met his. She smiled, waved, and walked over to the table where he was sitting. Chris stood up to greet her, extending his hand, which she shook warmly. She looked just like her photo's, from her shining eyes to her wide excitable smile and  couldn't help but think about how much more attractive Chris looked in person.

“Hi, Chris! It’s great to finally meet you in person,”  said, sliding into the seat across from him.

“Yeah, you too! Glad we could make this work,” Chris replied, settling back into his seat. “How’s your day been?”

“Oh, you know, just a typical day at work,” she said with a chuckle. “Lots of paperwork, meetings, and endless cups of coffee. What about you?”

“Pretty similar, actually. Just work." Chris coughed a little, he was always a little bit awkward bringing up what he did because he was never sure what the reaction was going to be, some girls wanted nothing to do with it, some didn't think it was a real career and other's you could practically see the pound signs in their eyes.

“So what do you do for work?"  with a small smile on her face, Chris took a deep breath to answer but  continued letting him off the hook. “I'll be honest I’ve seen a few of your videos. My younger brother’s a big fan, actually, so I’ve been roped into watching your football challenges more times than I can count.”

Chris grinned, though he felt a small knot form in his stomach. “And that’s… not weird for you?” He asked, looking at 's smile, there was something about that smile he couldn't take his eyes off.

“Not really,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “I mean, I know you’re famous in that world, but I’m more interested in getting to know you as a person. The whole YouTube thing is cool, don’t get me wrong, but I’d like to know what you’re like off-camera. You're just Chris Dixon."

Chris relaxed a little at that. It wasn’t uncommon for dates or new acquaintances to treat him like a celebrity, so the fact that  seemed genuinely curious about who he was beyond the screen was a relief.

"Great, well can I get you a drink?" He offered the girl who nodded enthusiastically.

They spent the next hour chatting about their lives.  explained her work as a civil servant in the Department of Health, she was an officer looking at how different places were trying to broaden the workforce across the NHS. It was hard work and a lot of the time very difficult decisions were needing to be made, especially if she didn't agree with the orders from the government but she had to remind herself she was in a position to actually do something and hold the government to account.

Chris listened intently, finding her passion for her work endearing. “I can’t even imagine how tough that must’ve been,” he said. “I mean, I’ve had some stressful moments with YouTube and football, but that sounds like a different level.”

“Yeah, it’s been intense,”  admitted, “but it’s also been really fulfilling. I like knowing that I’m making a difference, even if it’s in a small way. Anyway, what do you like to do when you're not working?"  was very careful to avoid the words Youtube or videos, she had promised she wanted to know Chris outside of that world and it was very easy to have conversations around it, it turned out there was a lot more to Chris than football videos and she was enjoying hearing about it.

"I go on a lot of holidays, I like travelling," Chris kicked off the conversation and the pair spent a while talking about the places they had been plus the places that were still on bucket lists.

“I’ve always wanted to explore Japan,” Chris said, his eyes lighting up. “The mix of old and new culture, the food, the landscapes everything about it just seems incredible, climb Fuji.”

“Same here!”  exclaimed. “It’s been at the top of my list for years. I’ve spent so much time researching places like Kyoto, Tokyo, and even the countryside. The temples, the cherry blossoms, the hot springs… I want to experience it all.”

Chris smiled, feeling a growing connection. “Maybe we should plan a trip,” he said half-jokingly, but there was an underlying excitement in his voice,  grinned.

As the night went on, they moved from travel to other topics, and one surprising commonality emerged: their shared love of animals.

“I grew up with dogs,”  said, her eyes softening. “We had a golden retriever named Daisy, and she was the sweetest. I’ve always loved animals. If I wasn’t working in public health, I think I’d want to be a vet or something.”

"Are you joking? I was going to train to be a vet!" Chris explained before going on to explain he didn't quite get the grades so decided to take a year to pursue his channel.

By the time they finished their drinks, the conversation had flowed so naturally that neither of them noticed how late it had gotten. The pub had started to thin out, and Chris realized he didn’t want the night to end just yet but it had to, as Chris went to order himself an Uber  spoke

"I don't live too far from here so I'm going to walk,"  announces as she put her jacket on.

"Don't read too much into this but I can walk with you and can get an Uber from there? I just wouldn't forgive myself if you didn't get home safe." Chris offered and  nodded, smiling at the gentlemanly offer.

The walk back to 's place was filled with comfortable conversation, interspersed with laughter and a few quiet moments where neither of them felt the need to speak. The night air was cool but pleasant, and the streetlights cast a soft glow on the pavement as they strolled through the quiet streets of London.

As they approached her door, Chris realized he didn’t want the night to end, but he also didn’t want to push things too far. The date had gone better than he could’ve hoped for, and he didn’t want to ruin it by being too forward.

“Well, this is me,”  said, turning to face him with a soft smile. “Thanks for walking me home.”

“Of course,” Chris replied. “I had a really great time tonight.”

“Me too,” she replied, biting her lip as if debating something. “I wasn’t sure what to expect, but… I’m glad we met up.”

Chris nodded, feeling a strange sense of anticipation building in the space between them. “Same here,” he said, his voice a little quieter now.

For a moment, they stood there in the soft glow of the streetlight, the night around them quiet and still. Chris could feel his heart beating faster, and he wasn’t sure if it was the nerves or the fact that he felt an undeniable pull toward the girl.

Before he could second-guess himself,  closed the distance between them, standing on her tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to his lips. It was soft and tentative at first, but when Chris kissed her back, the kiss deepened, and the moment felt electric.

When they finally pulled apart, both were smiling.

“I’ll text you when I get home,” Chris said, feeling a little dazed.

“Please do,”  replied, her cheeks flushed. “Goodnight, Chris.”

“Goodnight, .”

Chris stepped back, pulling out his phone to order an Uber as he walked down the street, his mind still buzzing from the kiss. He glanced back once and saw  standing at her door, watching him go with a smile on her face.

As his Uber arrived, Chris got in, leaning back in the seat with a grin. Something about tonight felt different and he couldn’t wait to see where it would lead.

It had been nearly two months since that first date, and Chris couldn’t stop smiling. His days had settled into a comfortable routine. He was still working hard on his YouTube channel, but between all that, he was spending more and more time with , the girl who had effortlessly slipped into his life and brightened everything up. They hadn’t made their relationship public, not yet. Chris didn’t feel the need to rush into that. For now, he loved having something just for them something that wasn’t for the cameras, his audience, or anyone else. It was real, and it was his. He had already made his mind up before that any relationship he would have wouldn’t be as public as one previous but now he had found it he was more determined to keep things to himself, his own little bubble.

George and the two Arthur’s, had noticed how much happier he seemed lately. It didn’t take long for them to realise what or should that be who the culprit was. George and Arthur Hill were lounging in the living room after filming a video when Chris walked in from another date with , a big smile on his face.

“Alright, Chris,” Arthur said, leaning back in his chair with a mischievous smirk. “How’s the girl?”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “How do you know I was with her?”

“Because you have that dopey grin whenever you come back from seeing her.”

“I do not.”

George chimed in from the kitchen, where he was making a cup of tea. “Arthur’s right. You’ve been suspiciously happy lately. We want details.”

Chris laughed, trying to deflect. “I’m just in a good mood, that’s all.”

“I know!” George shouted from the kitchen. “It’s just good to see you not in grumpy gnome mood that’s all.”

Arthur leaned forward. “So, when do we get to meet this mysterious girl?”

Chris shrugged, he had floated the idea a couple of times and while  had agreed nothing had come to fruition. “I don’t know, soon maybe.”

That conversation had only been the start of it. Over the next week, it wasn’t just George and Arthur asking about Y/N. His other friends; Will, Theo, Reev and other’s who shared the same office were curious too. They could see the changes in him, how much more relaxed and happy he was. Everyone was eager to meet the girl who had bought the old Chris back, well he wasn’t exactly like the old Chris he was a completely new Chris, this girl obviously bought out the best in him.

Chris’s video shoots were notoriously long, started early and finished late with take after take after take so naturally a lot of conversations took place to try and pass the time.

“So, when’s this girl gunna make an appearance?” Theo asked casually as he stretched out his hip.

Chris rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. You guys would like her, I think, but she’s a bit shy about the whole YouTube thing.”

Reev nodded. “That makes sense. Not everyone’s keen on being in the spotlight.”

“Exactly,” Chris said. “But she’s great. I just don’t want to rush her into anything. She does want to meet everyone but I just don’t want to make a big thing out of it you know.”

“Well,” Theo said with a grin, “we were thinking… what if you invited her on the ski trip?”

“The ski trip?”

Theo nodded. “Yeah! It’s in a few weeks. We’re all going, and it could be a good chance for her to get to know everyone in a more chill setting. Plus, who doesn’t like a holiday?” Chris paused, thinking it over, it did make a lot of sense, which he thought was rare for Theo.

A few days later, Chris was spending the evening with . Since she lived alone he spent a lot of time at her flat, they loved enjoying each other’s company without the chaos of the outside world. They were curled up on ’s sofa, a film playing in the background while they shared a bottle of wine. It was one of those perfect, comfortable nights, where neither of them felt the need to fill the silence with endless conversation.

Chris waited until they were halfway through the movie before broaching the subject. “So… my friends have been asking about you.”

 looked up from where she had been resting her head on his shoulder. “Oh? What have they been saying?”

“They’re just curious,” Chris said, choosing his words carefully. “They’ve noticed how happy I’ve been lately, and they want to meet you.”

“You’ve said before, they sound really sweet.”

“They are, in their own way. Theo can be a bit of twat.” Chris joked. “Actually… they suggested something. You know there is this ski trip coming up in a few weeks. All the lads are going; George, Arthur, Will, Theo, Reev. They thought it might be a good opportunity for you to meet everyone in a more relaxed setting.”

The smile on ’s face faltered slightly, and she bit her lip, her brow furrowing in thought.

“You don’t have to say yes,” Chris added quickly. “I just thought I’d mention it.”

Y/n sighed softly and sat up a little straighter, her fingers absentmindedly playing with the edge of the blanket draped over them. “It’s not that I don’t want to meet your friends,” she said carefully. “I really do. It’s just… I don’t know. I’m a bit nervous.”

Chris frowned slightly. “Nervous? About what?”

She gave him a small, apologetic smile. “Chris, you’re part of this huge YouTube world. You’re famous, whether you want to admit it or not. And your friends… they’re all in that world, too. I’m just… a boring civil servant. I’m not sure I’d fit in.”

“Don’t be silly…”

“I’m not being silly. I go to work, home come with a glass of wine and the TV and occasionally go out with my mates. I don’t do these big parties and holidays and cameras, it’s not my world Chris I’m just plain.”

Chris felt a pang in his chest at her words. He hadn’t considered that she might feel this way like she wasn’t good enough for his world, or like she didn’t belong. It stung, not because of what she said, but because he realized he hadn’t done enough to show her how much she meant to him.

“Y/N,” he began softly, turning to face her fully. “You’re not boring. And you don’t have to be part of the YouTube world to fit in with my friends. They’re good people, and they’ll love you for who you are, not for what you do.”

She still looked hesitant, her eyes flickering with uncertainty. “I just… I don’t want to feel like the odd one out. I’ve seen some of your videos with your friends, and it all seems so… fast-paced, so fun. I’m not sure I’d be able to keep up.”

Chris reached out, taking her hand in his. “Listen, you don’t have to be like them to be special. You already are, Y/N. You make me feel like I’m just Chris — not ChrisMD, not the guy on YouTube, but just me. And that’s more than enough.”

Y/N smiled, though her eyes were still a little unsure. “I guess I didn’t realize how much this world of yours intimidated me until now.”

Chris felt a wave of guilt wash over him. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I should’ve realized sooner. I should’ve done more to make you feel special, to show you that you’re not just some girl I’m dating, but someone who means a lot to me.”

Y/N shook her head gently, squeezing his hand. “You do make me feel special, Chris. You really do. I guess it’s just my own insecurities getting in the way.”

Chris leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I want you to feel comfortable, no matter what. If you don’t want to go on the ski trip, that’s totally fine. We can figure something else out.”

Y/N looked up at him, her smile returning in full force now. “Maybe I just needed to hear that,” she said softly. “Maybe I’ll give it a try. I mean, I do want to meet your friends… and it’s a holiday, right? How bad could it be?”

Chris grinned, relieved that she was opening up to the idea. “You’ll have fun, I promise. And if you don’t, we’ll ditch them and go somewhere else.”

Y/N laughed, leaning in to kiss him. “Deal.”

The conversation took a softer turn after that. Chris could feel the tension slowly dissipating, and as the night went on, they both relaxed into each other’s company once again. The closeness they shared now felt deeper, more intimate.

After a while, the movie became little more than background noise as they focused on each other. Chris’s hands wandered across Y/N’s back as she shifted closer, her arms draping around his neck. The kiss they shared earlier was just the start, and now, it felt like they couldn’t get enough of each other.

The hesitation that had been in Y/N’s eyes earlier was gone now, replaced with something else entirely — desire, comfort, and the sense that, in this moment, everything was exactly as it should be.

Chris gently pulled her onto his lap, his hands resting on her hips as they kissed, deeper and slower this time. Y/N’s fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer as their bodies pressed together. It wasn’t rushed or frantic, but rather a slow burn, like they had all the time in the world.

Y/N broke the kiss for just a moment, her lips brushing against his ear as she whispered, “You always know how to make me feel special.”

Chris smiled, his heart swelling with affection for her. “That’s my job, isn’t it?”

[negans-lucille-tblr]

Sit - Soldier Boy x Reader Oneshot

Summary: Y/N finds herself in trouble when she doesn’t listen to her boyfriend’s instructions. 

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Soldier Boy x plus sized!Reader

Tags: angst, self worth issues, body image issues, oral sex (fem rec), face sitting, face riding, biting, p in v

WC: ± 2.2K

A/Ns: This smutty little fic was commissioned by someone who doesn’t have tumblr, but wanted me to share it with you guys anyway! Hope you all love it! <3

The Boys Masterlist

“We need to talk.” 

Y/N’s eyes widen slightly as she looks up at her boyfriend from her place on the couch, and then a small frown begins to crease into her forehead as she sees the darkness in his green eyes that tells her that whatever this is isn’t good.  

“Okay…” she hesitantly replies, sitting up straighter. “Is everything okay?” 

No, it’s not, he’s had enough of you and he’s leaving. He’s finally realised he can do better than you, that he is so far out of your league you’re barely a spot in the distance.

“No, it’s not actually,” Soldier Boy replies, confirming to her that her inner monologue is right. He crosses his arms over his chest and stares down at her, making her only grow more and more uncomfortable. 

Just get on with it, she begs him silently in her head.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, timidly. 

“When I tell you to sit, I mean sit,” he explains. 

Only it’s not an explanation at all, and the frown creased into Y/N’s forehead only deepens, as she glances down at the way she’s currently sitting and shifts her weight slightly, wondering what’s wrong with the way she sits and why her boyfriend suddenly has such a big issue with it. 

“I don’t get it, Ben,” she admits, still shuffling in her place. 

“You hover,” he adds, clearly irritated by the very fact. Y/N licks her lips, opening her mouth to reply, but no sound comes out to begin with, and so she clears her throat and then frowns deeper yet. Now she’s completely lost, because she has no idea what Ben’s talking about. “When I tell you to sit on my face I mean sit not hover,” he concludes. 

Y/N’s eyebrows raise, and then a smile begins to curl over her lips, and suddenly she’s giggling to herself. She really thought this was going all wrong, that maybe he was trying to find some ridiculous excuse to break up with her because he didn’t want to just tell her the truth; that he could do better. But now she’s realising it’s got nothing to do with the way she sits on the couch. He’s talking about sex. Of course he is. The thought only makes Y/N giggle harder as the relief floods her entire body. 

“What’s so funny?” he asks, frowning himself now that he’s the one that’s confused. 

“Jesus, Ben, I thought you were seriously angry, then!” she scoffs, shaking her head and relaxing a little, so glad this was just some joke. Jesus, the guy’s a good actor. 

“I am,” he replies stubbornly. But she’s not falling for his teasing any longer.  

“Oh c’mon, it’s no big deal,” she brushes him off, laughing again. “Besides, I don’t wanna crush you, I’m hardly lightweight,” she points out, gesturing to her body.  

Ben’s frown only deepens at her words, and he huffs a breath, staring her down until the smile has faded a little more from her face, and she starts to second guess if he is only teasing, or if he’s actually mad about this. She’s never known the supe to be a huge joker, so maybe she should consider the fact that he’s actually annoyed.

“Are you seriously mad about this?” she checks, just to be sure. 

“Yes,” he confirms with a brief nod of his head. “What’s the matter, you think I can’t handle it?” he challenges. 

“Look at me, Ben, I’m not going on magazine covers any time soon,” she scoffs, shaking her head. “Last thing I need is to suffocate the world’s first superhero to death with my fat thighs.” 

“You flatter yourself too much,” Ben argues back. “You think that’s all it would take to kill me? You just said so yourself, I’m superhuman, I’m sure I can handle it.” 

Suddenly, it all clicks into place, and Y/N realises just why Ben is so upset about this. He thinks that she’s going easy on him, he thinks that she thinks that he can’t handle it. He’s a very proud man, she should’ve known something like this would annoy him. But that doesn’t mean that she can’t point out how ridiculous he’s being. He knows exactly what she thinks about him and his powers. It’s never hurt to call Ben out on his ego trips now and then. She likes to think it keeps him grounded. He does seem a lot more level headed since they started dating. 

“Oh, I see,” Y/N smirks slightly, crossing her own arms over her chest. “I’ve bruised your ego,” she points out. “Ben, it’s nothing personal. It’s just all my exes never meant sit when they said sit,” she explains briefly, not seeing the big deal. 

“Yeah, well until now you’ve only dated boys,” he counters. That’s when he uncrosses his arms and leans down over her, his hands resting either side of her head as he brings his face closer to hers. “You’re dating a man now, honey, so next time I tell you to sit, I expect you to sit.” 

“Yes sir,” she replies sassily, smirking once again before rolling her eyes, but the supe doesn’t smirk back, and she realises he’s once again not messing around. Just the thought actually begins to make her sweat a little. The fact he wants her to stop holding back is quite the turn on. The darkness in his eyes adds to that too, of course. “Next time I’ll sit,” she confirms, with a lot less teasing in her tone. 

Soldier Boy reaches up and grabs her chin softly, kissing her lips briefly. “Good girl,” he husks, before walking away, leaving Y/N dazed and flustered. 

Soldier Boy’s POV

The supe is feeling just a little better that evening as he relaxes back on the bed and amuses himself with the Soldier Boy comic books that had been released during his time away. Though, he’s not too fond of the way he gets portrayed sometimes, like he’s a big baby that runs and hides at the first real sign of danger. Maybe that’s added to his stress, because while he’ll never admit it, Y/N had been right that his issue this morning had mainly been an issue because of a bruised ego. Of course it was a little insulting that Y/N might think he can’t handle a woman sitting on his face. When really, he could think of nothing better, especially when it comes to a woman like Y/N. 

At the thought of her, he hears her humming quietly to herself under her breath as she emerges from the bathroom in nothing but a towel. She smiles over at him softly when she notices him looking, and then proceeds to head over to her dresser, opening her drawer and pulling out her pyjamas. Ben can’t help but notice they’re the silky ones he likes most, and just the thought of seeing her in them starts to get him going. But the thing that really sets him off is watching her slowly remove her towel, using it to dab herself dry slowly, exposing more and more of her perfect naked body. 

He can’t help the soft moan that escapes his lips as he appreciates his view, and Y/N glances his way at the sound. 

“What?” she asks coyly. 

“You know just what that body of yours does to me, honey,” he hums, unashamedly. Y/N rolls her eyes and turns her back to him, but he doesn’t appreciate the view any less, his eyes dropping to her perfect, full ass and her thick warm thighs, and he imagines his face trapped between them and has to reach down to palm over his thickening cock. “C’mere,” he commands with a soft grunt. 

Y/N slowly approaches his side of the bed, still clinging to her towel as she attempts to cover up part of her body with it. The supe is quick to reach out and tear it from her grasp, throwing it to the floor so she’s got nowhere to hide. His eyes rake hungrily over her curves, and he realises it doesn’t matter how many times he sees her, he’ll never grow tired of seeing her. 

“Remember what we talked about earlier?” he asks, peeling his eyes off of her body and looking up at her face instead. 

“Yeah,” she replies hesitantly, seemingly only growing more timid. 

“Good,” the supe grins, shuffling himself further down the bed and throwing his head back. “Then sit.” 

“Right now?” she checks. 

Soldier Boy only has to turn his head and look at her to prompt her into action as she bites down on her bottom lip and begins to climb onto the bed. He can tell she’s still hesitant, slowly and carefully lifting her leg to begin straddling his body, and the supe grows impatient and grabs her thigh, tugging her down almost forcefully as he makes her squeal and giggle slightly. Instantly, her sex is pressed against his mouth, and Ben wastes no time opening up, extending his tongue to push through her folds as he begins to taste her sweet juices. He hums in delight, feeling the full extent of her weight pressing down on his face, feeling utterly suffocated by her and loving every second of it. This is what he’s been craving. 

He laps up every drop she gives him; and she only gives him more and more the longer he toys with her clit, or fucks her opening with his tongue, and while her voice is muffled thanks to the warm, soft flesh of her thighs pressing against his ears, he can still hear her hums and moans of pleasure above him, and he can hear the slight groans and creaks of the mattress and headboard as she holds on for dearlife and rocks her hips to aid him. His arms wrap firmly around her hips, holding her down tighter against him, wanting to struggle to breathe in anything but her and her intoxicating scent, and it works, his cock desperate and throbbing between his legs at the very sensations flooding him. 

When he begrudgingly pulls back for air, he turns his head and begins to bite and suck on the soft flesh of her inner thighs, making her gasp for air and tense them either side of his face, only making him feel even more wrapped up in her. 

“God you taste so good, baby girl,” he growls against her skin, once again encouraging her pussy back onto his mouth, already missing the sweet tang of her juices. 

He feasts on her once more, not stopping until her legs are shaking either side of his head, and she’s trying to speak coherent words, but the only sounds falling from her lips are in broken english and near enough gibberish, until he can feel her walls pulsing inside her, her thigh muscles quivering. 

He moans himself as he pushes his way out from underneath her, leaving her on her knees, supported by the headboard she’s still clinging to for dear life, and he’s quick to kneel behind her, pulling out his throbbing erection and finally giving it some of the attention it’s craved. He places one hand on her hip, his fingers digging into the soft, supple flesh, and keeps her in her place as he shuffles a little closer and teases her pussy with the tip of his cock. She moans, rocking her hips back seemingly instinctively, and Soldier Boy wastes no time teasing the two of them for a moment longer. 

He thrusts forward, feeling her pussy still pulsating from her orgasm, sucking him in perfectly, and he moans, his eyes beginning to roll as he hones in on the rapid speed of her heartbeat. 

“Fuck, honey,” he hums, folding himself over her, “you almost feel as good as you taste.” 

He presses his face into the side of her neck, dragging his teeth along her delicate skin, biting and sucking occasionally, knowing how much she loves that as he starts fucking into her from behind, wrapping his one arm around her front to keep her elevated just right. Y/N moans, reaching to hold onto his arm rather than the headboard as she fucks back into him too, her nails digging into his skin everytime he gets deep enough. 

“Did that feel good?” he asks breathily against her ear. He can feel her nod, but she clearly can’t reply with words, which only makes him feel even more smug. “Good, so next time I tell you to sit, you better fucking sit,” he growls, his cock throbbing at just the thought of next time. 

“Oh fuck,” she gasps out, her eyes fluttering closed. “Whatever you want, baby.” 

[originalaccountname]

I am treating the Cannibalism stage play as, like, an official fanfic, but it gave me emotions about Chuuya and he is my blorbo I need to share more details about the infamous "Chuuya cries" moment with full context:

Since they did not have a costume or actor for Poe, they got rid of Chuuya and Ranpo getting stuck in his story, and instead gave Chuuya a mini arc about leadership. They made Chuuya doubt his own legitimacy as a leader (for the Port Mafia) every step of the way.

He started out by saying that as the ex-leader of the Sheep, an enemy organization, it made no sense for him to be the interim boss of the Port Mafia. He even told Kouyou she should take the role because he used to be her subordinate. Kouyou convinced him to step up to the challenge by pointing out he usually didn't hesitate to lead people ("but those times I was acting on the boss' orders") and that she had 8 boxes full of Steel Oracles written by subordinates who wanted and trusted him to be up to the task.

Steel Oracles were the stage play's answer to the Silver Oracles. If the Silver Oracles are the boss entrusting a subordinate with power to act, the Steel Oracles are the subordinates entrusting an individual with the power to lead them. They are check notes with the name of the individual being entrusted written on the back, signed by the person submitting it, and symbolizes the submitter entrusting that individual with everything that they have and are. Chuuya had 8 boxes with his name on it.

He later (obviously desperate) goes to request Verlaine help them assassinate Fukuzawa. Chuuya says the PM his family that he needs to protect. He wants Mori to live. He's having a very rough time. (Verlaine refuses but makes him realize Dazai is plotting something)

When all is said and done, he meets with Mori and Chuuya says he'll be returning the Steel Oracles to the subordinates. Mori jokes about Chuuya being more popular than him, so shouldn't he name Chuuya boss instead? Chuuya refuses immediately, saying that the people were only saying he was strong, not that he had their respect, and says he could never be a boss like Mori. He makes a comment about Mori having already said he wanted Dazai as the next boss anyway.

Mori agrees, Chuuya looks a little resigned and starts walking away. But then, Mori produces 5 new Steel Oracles: they're all signed by the Flags. Mori says he was given these long ago, by "experts" who had seen Chuuya's potential way back then. Mori says he had promised to look after Chuuya until the time came. He says that the people he considered family also considered him family. Chuuya hears the voices of the Flags calling out to him, takes the Steel Oracles with a stiff nod and excuses himself (the first anime ending, namae wo yobu yo, starts playing then). He avoids looking at Kouyou, who asks him if he's crying, and exits as quickly as possible.

During the outro section, we see Chuuya again, holding the Flags' Steel Oracles. He smiles (smirks really) and puts them in the interior pocket of his coat, before joining in on the choreography.

For bonus points, when Chuuya was the interim boss, he still had that "nobody needs to be hurt more than necessary" attitude he has in the manga. He fought Kyouka in Mori's room by using martial arts instead of gravity. He was also ruthless in filling in for the role of the Black Lizard for this story: he wanted to use Tanizaki as a hostage to get the ADA, and told him that once Tanizaki was no longer of use, he would be disposed of, just like every ADA member would be killed off until they got Fukuzawa. He wanted to cut Tanizaki's ear off to send to the ADA to tell them the deal was off. It was clearly business for him. He said he took no pleasure in it.

All in all, with tone, acting and context, Chuuya's hesitancy to lead the PM here was clearly an issue of self-confidence. Nobody would trust him with the role. Someone else would be better for it. He has too much baggage to be up to the task. People fear him more than they respect him.

And that issue is "resolved" (big word) when it turned out people he held in high esteem and cared about actually believed in him too. They saw him, they knew him, they cared for him, and they thought that, in time, he would be great. And that's what got to him.

[pr33tylul]

okg pls give us a hufflepuff reader with slytherin harry

HARRY POTTER X FEM!READER.

The bet

(LOVE WHOEVER MADE THESE PICS OMFL ITS HOT IN HERE 🥵)

Part 1 Part 2 part 3

Slytherin!Harry and hufflepuff reader!

Ravenclaw Hermione and gryffindor Ron.

All marauders are alive just not mentioned

Voldy baldy is dead.

Warnings: cigarettes, swearing

Harry James potter.

The girls around hogwarts loved him, until they found out what a total player he was. Many girls would cry over the heartbreak, some girls wouldn’t give a shit and never talk to him again. Some reckoned he was only like that because he was friends with Draco malfoy.

Y/n y/l/n. One of hogwarts most favourite students, y/n wasn’t one to hate on people but when it came to potter she couldn’t stand him, she promised herself she’d never EVER fall in love with someone like Harry.

“So what class have you got next, y/n” Hermione looked at her. “Oh I have char-” y/n not looking where she was going she bumped into someone, her books going everywhere. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going” she laughed awkwardly even before looking up and when she did, she wished she could take the apology back but she didn’t say anything.

“Oh it’s okay, not your fault” Harry had passed her books that he’d helped her pick up his friends not far behind him smirking at the both of them, he looked into her beautiful e/c eyes and smiled.

Y/n smiled as she walked off with Hermione, the slytherin boy just standing there.

“The Harry Potter just spoke to you!” Hermione squealed “did you see how he was looking at you? He was totally crushing!” Y/n looked at her best friend “he can crush all he wants, do you not know what he done to Ginny Weasley? He cheated on her with Cho Chang then he cheated on Cho for some other girl, how come you were so excited for him to speak to me? If you want him I’m sure he would snog wit-”

“Y/n! Gross anyways…Ron’s the one I like…what do you think I was doing why you and Harry were talking?” She shyly replied. Hermione wasn’t the kind of girl to fall for a boy then go blabbering on about it, she was very secretive with that kind of subject.

“Come on enough boy talk, flitwick will have our necks if we are late.” Y/n said walking a bit faster.

Later on.

Ron, malfoy, Harry, Blaise, Seamus, Dean. We’re all in the slytherin common room joking and laughing around. Malfoy then had said [this story there aloud in each others common room.]

“So potter, you looked real cozy with that hufflepuff girl, y/l/n? Was it.” Malfoy had lit up a cigarette. Ron turned over to Harry. “As in y/n? Blimey Harry” “we just bumped into eachother no big deal.”

“But she’s definitely not a big fan of you like most girls” Dean continued on. “Chang and Weasley basically told the entire school and rumour has it the golden girl of hufflepuff don’t like you, at all. No way she’d fall in love with you mate”

“Is that a challenge?” Harry smirked looking at Dean. “You don’t think I Can get y/n y/l/n to fall in love with me?” Harry sat up “okay I bet you all, I can make that girl fall in love with me.”

“And if you don’t.” Seamus Said, all boys now interested in this bet. “If I don’t I’ll jump in the black lake, naked.” “Alright, bet” Blaise said, Harry now lighting a cigarette.

~

The next day, Harry came down extra early making his way to the hufflepuff common room, waiting for y/n.

He had a cigarette in his mouth when She came out, her hair down and a bright smile on her face. “Y/l/n!” Harry shouted throwing the blunt on the floor and walking towards her.

She turned around “potter” he heard the annoyance in her voice. “You and me, date?” She rolled her eyes “yeah nice try, find another girl.” She walked off and he was left alone stood there.

Again the next day he came down waiting for her, she looked even more annoyed when she saw him. He took her books “what do you think your doing?” She said rolling her eyes. “Walking you to class, what does it look like?”

She smiled a little bit and she prayed that he didn’t see, but he did.

He did the same the next day. “Well I’m not surprised to see you here potter.” She said giving him her bag. He put it on his shoulder. “I want to get on a first name basis, if that’s okay with you?”

“Sure, I don’t see why not.” They walked to breakfast together. “So y/n. You gonna let me talke you on a date?” She looked down. She really wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t do this for the others, maybe he was actually trying to keep a relationship.

“I don’t know” was all she said but Harry knew that he’d get the hufflepuff girl to fall in love with him with out falling in love with her.

Well, little did he know.

The weekend had come and Harry and y/n were in Harry’s dorm. “So what’s your favourite colour.” Harry asked randomly. “(Your favourite colour)” he nodded “ and food?” “(Your favourite food)” you were currently sitting at his desk why he was in his bed.

“Do you have a favourite colour?” Y/n asked looking at him. “Well I like red I suppose, and favourite food is Treacle Tart” y/n laughed at the way Harry licked his lips as he said it. “You know, I could get used to that, your laugh” Harry smiled at her.

She blushed a little.

“You want to make treacle tart?” Y/n offered, Harry’s eyes lighting up at the question, y/n being pushed down to the kitchen.

Y/n had started with the flour, salt and butter. Mixing it together with her hands, Harry standing behind her he put his hands in aswell helping her. Y/n slightly blushed but didn’t let him see. When they had done the pastry they started on the filling, then assembling the tarts and putting them in the oven.

Y/n cleaning up the flour on the side. Harry being Harry he took some and tapped her face. He laughed “oh really! Is that how you wanna be.” She giggled taking flour and chucking it all over him.

Y/n ran around the kitchen covered in flour and so did Harry but y/n was hiding and Harry was catching her. Quietly, Harry scared her casing her to scream and giggle. He pulled her in by her waist and looked down at her. He looked into those (e/c) eyes he adored so much.

Maybe he was falling for her after all.

After there fight they cleaned up the kitchen so the elf’s would have to, not even long after that the treacle tart was done.

Harry had taken it out the oven and he took one without waiting.

“This is the best treacle tart I’ve ever had, hands down.” He said smiling at her. She giggled as she wiped his lips with her thumb.

“It’s getting late” y/n said looking at the time. They were aware that they were out after hours but sneaking back was the problem. “It’s okay love, come on.” Harry had put the tarts on a plate and took one more before leaving the kitchen.

He took her up to the hufflepuff common room. “I’ll see you tomorrow” He smiled. She smiled back. “Yes. And you can take me on that date tomorrow night if you want.” Harry smiled, the bet had blown over him and all he cared about was her. “I’ll pick you up at seven”

She watched him leave before slipping into the common room, smiling as she walked to her dorm.

[nereidprinc3ss]

Hi! I know the post about bartender girl and Spencer was a joke but how comes you don’t like Maeve as love interest? I think I’ve seen you mention it before

spoilers for maeve plotline kinda

i guess it’s because i can appreciate that they were like ok reid is so weird and struggles to connect with people what if we gave him a gf who is JUST like him so that it will be extra sad when we take her away because he’ll never find another girl like that again! so they made her the female reid to increase the feeling of like wow she was such a rare person and was violently taken from him so ofc it’s sad, but she was literally created to die for his character development and it shows.

imo i don’t think she was that effective or interesting as a romantic partner for him. i would have preferred to see him with someone a lot different than him who his connection was so strong with that they made it work anyway. i think that would’ve been a lot more emotionally impactful. i also think it would’ve been more impactful if it were more explicitly romantic and i guess the whole thing with the phone was supposed to be that it was an intellectual connection before a physical one but it straight up would have been more depressing if they had a more legit relationship. i’m not saying they had to fuck bc that’s probably not a step the writers or mgg wanted to take with his character at the time but like imagine if they DID like he sleeps with her once and it’s kinda a huge deal because he’s spencer and then the next day she’s taken and the whole thing happens. it would have been insanely more emotional i think and still could’ve left him with that feeling of things being unresolved. i guess the whole “their connection is intellectual and transcends the physical” didn’t really pan out for me because i just didn’t buy it lmao maybe they didn’t have enough chemistry or their conversations just weren’t written convincingly enough but yeah those are my thoughts.

mostly i really just would’ve liked to see him with someone who challenged him. i think that would’ve been infinitely better for his development anyway

[idontplaytrack]

✧ Charming

AJ Campos x fem! reader

Warnings: fluff, some coarse language, implied smut at very end

In which AJ and reader bake a cake for their 3-month anniversary, but it turns into a big ‘ol mess.

Requested? Yes / No

(Pictures used are from Pinterest and my own)

“So, what’re gonna do today, babe?” Asked AJ.

“Right?” You chuckle, leaning your head onto her shoulder for a moment. “What do you feel like doing?”

“I mean, three months is a bit of a big deal. A quarter of a year together.” AJ mentions, winding an arm around your waist while you snuggled closer to her chest.

“We could always…bake a cake? It’s a celebration, kinda. I think that calls for some cake.”

“Yeah, we could do that. Of course, honey.” AJ nodded, wrapping her other arm around you. She plants a kiss to the crown of your head, “How ‘bout we go do some grocery shopping? Get what we need and stuff.”

“Sure.” You looked up at her with a smile on your face. She looks down at you, “Let’s go, baby. Up we go.” Still in your pyjamas, you and AJ got changed then did the rest of your morning routines. “It’s barely past 8a.m.— you wanna take a drive into the city?” AJ suggests while brushing her hair, “The Targets are open already anyway.”

“Ooh.” You gasped, “Yeah, let’s do that. Can we go to Build A Bear too?”

AJ turned around to face you, “Sure we can.” She grins, “Should be fun. Haven’t been there in years. We said we have to stop having fun anyway?”

Once the both of you were ready, you guys got into her car and AJ started driving. It was an approximately two-hour drive from Rhinebeck into Manhattan. You dozed off for a but due to the motions of the car, but was soon woken up by the sounds of the city. “Shit, I was out for so long?” You grumbled. “It’s okay.” AJ flashes you a quick smile, “Don’t worry about it.” Finding a parking spot was proven to be quite the challenge, but she got that done. And soon enough, you and AJ were walking into the grocery store. She grabs a basket before you could. You offered to hold on to it, on account that she drove here, but she insisted.

“Hey.” AJ tapped your shoulder softly, “Why don’t we have a little fun? Let’s each go around the store and grab some stuff we think the other person will like.”

“Cute.” You laugh lightly.

“Let’s do a drink, a candy, a chocolate, a bag of chips and one more extra thing— whatever you think I’ll like and I’ll get you something that I think you’ll like.”

“Okie-dokie. Got it.”

“Let’s meet up near the checkout line in thirty minutes?” AJ continues excitedly.

“No problem.” You mirrored her smile.

“Good luck~” AJ teases.

“Won’t need it, babe.” You chuckle, turning around to go the other way.

You didn’t use up more than fifteen minutes to gather everything you knew she’d like, so you pretty much spent the remaining time roaming the store just to see it. Right before thirty minutes was up, you headed for the checkout line to meet with AJ— she walks up to you at the same time. You let her go ahead of you in the line since she was closer to it than you were. And when the cashier was scanning the items you looked at anywhere but her, not wanting to spoil the surprise for yourself. You two were out of there soon enough and went to put those bags in her car before taking the Subway to get to the store you wanted to go to.

“Oh, my God. This place looks so different than I remember it being.” You remarked once you set foot into the store.

“Are you talking about the colour scheme because this one kinda sucks?” AJ whispered.

“AJ!” You chided quietly, seeing a staff member approach.

“The use of primary colours their old layout was way better. This place looks like a hospital.” AJ continues.

“Okay, Kingpun.” You joked, “Should we go then?”

“No. No.” She says, “No, you wanted to come here so we’re gonna make whatever you wanna make before we go.”

“Making a matching one with me.” You requested.

“Yeah, of course.” AJ agrees immediately, eyes scanning the options before her. While it’s been years since either of you have been at Build A Bear, the process was pretty much self-explanatory so you two got through the whole thing without any problems. “These are not cheap.” AJ laughs, checking the prices of the tiny clothing on the shelves, “I get why my Mom never wanted me to go here.”

You guffawed, “Yeah, but it’s just one though, right? Since my Mom threw away my whole collection that I had gathered over like— thirteen years.”

“What? That is so— she just threw all of them out without asking you?” AJ squinted at you for a second before attempting to put a t-shirt on her teddy bear, “The head’s so big. How’d you even get it through?” AJ giggles, you told her, “I just squished it and pushed it through.”

“Well.” She bit back a grin, “Yeah, okay.”

“Okay, let’s go pay for these before we end up buying more stuff than we need.” You urged.

“For sure.” AJ agrees, “Come on, baby.” She took your hand and walked to the checkout.

————

“AJ, why did you pay for me? I could’ve—”

“I wanted to.” She smiled, fingers still interlaced with yours as you walked back to the Subway station. “It’s a gift, alright? Take it. You never want anything, anyway. So just…let me give this to you, hm?”

You sighed quietly, squeezing her hand, “Alright.”

After roaming the city for a little while, and a nice snack— you and AJ decided to it was a good time to drive back home. “Did you have fun?” She asks, hand smoothly finding its way to your thigh for comfort.

“Yep.” You confirmed, “I had a good time. Reliving my childhood and all, without the screaming in my face about prices over a tiny hoodie.”

AJ bit back a laugh which turned into a chuckle as she caresses your thigh, “I’m glad I could let you have a better experience.”

You looked over at her and smiled, “I still think my Mom could have been nicer to me about it. You know? I was what, five or six? And she just raised her voice at me instead of telling me no at a normal volume?”

She doesn’t really say anything, but her hand was still running up and your thigh and then giving it a squeeze.

You offered to take over and drive instead halfway through but AJ still insisted to finish it herself. “I can drive, you know that right? I’m not gonna crash your car.” You giggled.

“I know that.” She smiles while replying, “I just wanna do this, you know? I love having you in the passenger’s seat while I put my hand on your thigh. I don’t know what that’s about, but I just like it.”

You hummed in response, “Oh, okay.” Her thumb softly brushes across your skin at that, and you say, "I like it too."

AJ only smiles back at you while she kept her eyes on the road. You loved seeing her smile— it always made you so happy.

Once you and AJ arrived back at her house, you two were met with her Mom making lunch in the kitchen. "Wow, you girls were up early." Her Mom looks over her shoulder for a second.

"Hey, Mom." AJ went over to give her a hug, "We woke up early so we drove into the city for a bit. Got a few things since we're celebrating today. Three months." "Time flies, doesn't it?" Her Mom commented.

"Indeed." AJ agrees while you walked up to them. She presses a kiss to your cheek, "Hi." You gave her a small smile in return, "Wow, you're making those stuffed avocado bowls? Lucky me."

Her Mom laughs, "She says you like 'em. And I know you're here, so I decided to make this." "Aww. You did?" You looked at AJ.

"I mentioned that you liked it, yes. But you have also complimented her for this dish before, remember?" AJ teases, "Okay, we're gonna go freshen up then we'll be right back, okay, Mom?"

"Of course, mija. Go ahead."

After lunch, you asked AJ if she wanted to watch a movie. "You pick one, honey." AJ nodded in agreement, grabbing the remote to turn the TV on. She hands it over to you, then went to grab the two bags of snacks and things you both got from earlier. You took yours, she took hers, then she sat down, opening up her arms for you to get closer and snuggle with her. "This one?" Your eyes flicked up to look at her. "The Object of My Affection." She reads off the screen, "This is a good one, yeah, sure. Whatever you want." You pressed play and put the remote away. "Just so you know, it's you though." She says quietly, her chin resting on the top of your head.

You let out a small laugh, "Alright, flirty." AJ slides her hand down to find yours before intertwining your fingers together. "Wanna see what I got you?"

"Definitely." She peeks into her bag of stuff from you, "I love all of these, babe, thank you. What is— oh. These socks are so silly, I love them." You cupped her cheek and pulled her face closer to peck her on the lips, "You know me better than my Mom does, not gonna lie. Everything is spot on. Even the freaking candle I've been eyeing for like two weeks."

"You like?" AJ grins, licking her lips then kissing you this time.

"Are you kidding? Of course, I do." While she snacked on some Sour Patch Kids, you munched on a bag of chips that she got you, both of you now completely focused on the movie playing. You and AJ ended up watching another movie after this before deciding that you guys were bored. "Maybe take a nap." Her Mom suggested while doing her daily reading at the dining table.

"Great idea." AJ took you upstairs by the hand, "See you later, Mom." The older woman laughs, "Sleep tight."

Once AJ got comfortable, you rested your head on her chest while laying stomach down. Her hand tangles in your hair, giving your scalp a massage which was easily lulling you to sleep. "You okay?" She asks, a tiny bit concerned that you were this clingy.

You mumbled unclearly, nodding your head, "Can we bake a cake when we wake up?"

"Okay." AJ agrees readily.

"Promise?" You continued.

"I promise." She answered wholeheartedly.

————

A couple hours later, you and AJ were in the kitchen getting ready to bake a cake. She got the recipe from her Mom, then proceeded to gather the ingredients. While she read off the paper, you snuck a kiss to her shoulder and made her squirm while a smile was plastered onto her face. “Hey, you.” AJ locked eyes with you for a beat, “What ya doin’?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” She asked, playful glint in your eyes as you pulled away and looked at her.

“Kissing me?” She nearly snorted, setting down the bag of flour.

“What’s so funny?” You ask, pushing yourself to sit on the kitchen island.

“Nothing.” She tells you, “You’re cute.”

“You’re also pretty fucking cute yourself.” You cracked a smile, she steps closer to you.

“Charming.” She smiles pulling you close eagerly and pressing a kiss to your lips. You happily welcomed the contact, deepening it quickly. One of her hands rests on your hip while the other cups your cheek, her kisses were soft and warm and comforting— you just couldn’t stop. Her hand brushes against the bag of flour as you leaned back and you got an idea, sticking your hand into the open bag, you got some of the flour and sprinkled it on her face as soon as she broke away. AJ tries to keep a straight face but very quickly failed. “It’s on, baby. It is so on.” She had a devious little smile on her face as she swiftly retaliated, causing a squeal to burst out of your mouth before you jumped off the counter to run away from her.

“Hey!” You gasp, a hand on your hip while you glared at her when she threw a handful of the flour at you and successfully dirtied your shirt.

She couldn’t stop chuckling, “It’s hard to be intimidated by you, honey. You’re so small.”

Brushing it off your shirt as best as you could, you quickly ran for the bag pf flour on the counter to grab some so you could get back at her. She dodged, and hit you again. You yelped, “God, I suck.”

“You started it, you’re not gonna win though.” AJ smirked, “Are you gonna surrender?”

“Yes, but you gotta keep that bag so we both can’t touch it anymore. Whatever we need is already—”

“Girls.” You heard. Both of you turned to look at her mom so quickly. “Oh, no, I’m so sorry.” You gasped, horrified, “We’ll clean this up as soon as we get the cake in the oven.”

“Why do you have your phone up like that?” AJ pointed out, “Were you recording us?”

“Yeah.” She admits, “It was really cute. I’ll send it to you later.”

AJ laughs in disbelief, “Wow. Uh, thanks Mom.” With that being said, AJ grabs the broom and immediately swept up everything. “I’m s—”

“Don’t be.” Her Mom assured, “We all need to have some fun sometimes. I’ll be in my room, but save me a slice.”

“Sure thing.” AJ promised, putting away the broom and dustpan before washing her hands so she could finish mixing the cake batter. Once she put the cake pan into the oven, she focuses completely on you again. “Hi, pretty.” She says. With you leaning against the kitchen island, she places her palms on either side of you and successfully traps you. “Now, where were we?” She grins, tilting your chin up by the finger.

————

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @reneeswif3 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

[destinyc1020]

confession sunday (I promise this isn’t hate I’ve just been thinking this for a long while): definitely wish tom and z were in agreement on how private they’d like to keep their relationship. with these last few months, tom was basically a zendaya fan page promoting her for dune and challengers (even though she didn’t need it). I think that allowed people to hope for a bday post from her for Tom’s birthday but she’s on a completely different wavelength: unfollowed everyone, not posting for Tom’s bday, not mentioning anything about R&J, etc. it’s no wonder the running joke is tom is in love while z just loves him 🥴 unfortunately it also opens up a discussion about z not showing her true feelings which I definitely feel people bring up in an anti black sort of way to insinuate black women as cold and not as emotionally available. all in all, they present themselves on different levels of how private their relationship actually is.

Thank you for your confession Anon. I will admit, I really don't quite understand your logic about this. Tom and Z are both private in their relationship, and they're also two different people. They may have different social media habits, different likes/dislikes, and just different ways of operating in the world. It doesn't mean that they're not in harmony with how to live their relationship privately. Obviously, as two people who have been in a relationship with each other for years, they talk about EVERYTHING.

Z unfollowed everyone on social media for reasons that had NOTHING to do with Tom. Why would it have anything to do with him?🥴 We don't know everything that's going on in her life.

Also, I kind of noticed that not too many people wished Tom HBD this year. Maybe it was his choice? Maybe he asked people not to post much for his birthday? Maybe he didn't want people making a big deal? If I recall, I don't think Nikki even posted anything for him this year. Does that mean he and his mom have beef? C'mon! LOL 😅

I really think you should watch what Paris Jackson says below about wishing her father Happy Birthday on social media. Turns out, Michael Jackson never really wanted people to be celebrating his birthday or wishing him HBD anyway in the first place! Which was his RIGHT!

I think fans really need to let go of this idea of thinking that they know more about a celebrity and their relationships with other people based on social media posts/likes/etc. It's so stupid. Imagine STRANGERS thinking that they know about your depth of feelings for someone more than you yourself. Smh.

Also, Z mentioned Tom UNPROMPTED MIND YOU during the DUne 2 Press tour, and the Challengers press tour. To me, I think she's perfectly fine? Just because she's a private person, it doesn't mean she doesn't love the man. IF Tom wants to like posts from her Fan accounts, so what?? Let him! He can like his gf's pics online if he wants. We only see a snippet of what Z does for Tom. So, for fans to assume that she doesn't love him that much just because of what they only physically see with their own eyes is just total rubbish to me. Tom has been with her for almost 8 years. He went BACK to her even after dating 2 other women. There is NO way he would have done that if he felt that Z didn't love him back...

Also want to add: I'm kind of sick and tired of this narrative that Z (or other woc) have to somehow "PROVE" their love for their bf, when white women are never ever expected to do the same. 😒🙄

TL;DR Version: Social media isn't everything.

Btw.... Paris so so GORGEOUS. She should seriously model lol.

[loveislandthegame]

thoughts on today’s volume ! now why the hell are we a girl going to casa and not a casa girl !? we didn’t even get the season 6 treatment of being able to show up first. FB is so nasty for this

moving on, yash, larson, and caleb are all very cute !❤️ everyone’s already pointed out that yash looks like zeph, but how about larson lowkey being the guy version of lisbeth 😭 just imagine him with amber eyes

raunchy races was pay to win, to absolutely no one's surprise. the free option text being something among the lines of "i am not a main character" truly sums up this season 😭 i chose to have the underwater kiss with lisbeth

bare minimum but i love when the islanders actually remember specific things about MC, like her job

dean is… let’s just say liam-esque 😬 i actually don't mind islanders that are not romanceable, not attracted to MC, whatever whatever, but disrespecting her by acting like she doesn’t exist is not it. at least tristan served cunt 💔

up next is tea spilling with lisbeth, one of many "pay to find out what happened" scenes. i have no idea why MC couldn’t have just watched this stuff happen on the TV in the hotel, even if it was still paywalled it would've made more sense. also tristan and sofia being dumped offscreen is some of the most ridiculous bullshit ever, especially if they don’t end up returning (which i'm not sure about honestly, i'm split between either #tristofia coming back, or dean & whoever is stupid enough to bring him to the villa replacing them) why couldn’t MC take them down herself ? why couldn't we witness them melt down ? there's no way FB seriously thought this would be satisfying to players

anyways, the game does acknowledge that both jesse and lisbeth are into MC ! but the way it's worded would make more sense if MC hasn't been pursuing him at all, like idk why my girl is so confused. i literally picked the "reveal that you've always fancied him" option before leaving the villa 😭

party time ! i chose to dance with lisbeth, and then there's a diamond scene with dean spilling the tea in the most obnoxious way possible. moving swiftly on

then there’s some more grafting on the guys, i really enjoyed the scenes. afterwards we reach the point where we’re forced to pick a casa guy. i like all of them but they're just gonna be a placeholder for me. i used a number generator and got a 1, so caleb it is !

we have a compatibility challenge, and obviously MC and caleb won ! the drink was cute lol

but where is the option to throw hands with dean ! i can deal with him treating MC like trash, but lisbeth ?! 👹👹👹 he is legit a liam clone, down to the weird "tormenting our female LI" thing

(and isadora & nyah being like “he’s just joking teehee 😍” is so gross)

i chose to sleep with lisbeth ! i only snuggled her because FB’s lazy asses keep reusing whatever MC does at bedtime in casa for her movie night clip. i may be romancing everyone in sight, but i'm evading the consequences of my actions classy about it 😏

…as an OG islander ??😭 we were a bombshell, the AI is AI-ing. anyways, i wouldn’t be surprised if this ends up exactly like “umagate,” where we meet the casa girl that wants our partner. it would be nice to see jesse though 🤞🏽

overall, we're at the point of the story where everything starts taking a complete nosedive. call it the casa curse, i guess. and to make matters worse, a bunch of the worst plotlines from previous seasons have been reused, this is certainly the season of all time 😃 but for real, the only upside to this volume is that we could spend a lot of time with lisbeth ❤️ (and for me that's pretty much the only positive thing about us not being a casa girl) also, caleb's such a sweetheart, he deserves the world ❤️

[alitgblog]

s9 vol 6: oh fuck I was joking last time but am i.. is this gonna be a Hamish route for me??? 😳

i guess first of all, the kelly/kat drama. I know it's yet again Finn and Kat but I'm happy they're dealing with it in a different way (although if S5 is Suresh's island, I can't help but think S9 is Kat's island 🙄). The thing that annoyed me the most is MC not being able to say anything? Like Kelly brought up the note, I feel like MC and Finn should've said something.

however we do get this, which, as someone with a friend whose name starts with K going through relationship troubles with a Korean man, actually I'm offended they took my joke and made it less funny,

but snog marry pie! Most of the girls (my MC included) choosing to kiss Hamish? It's like we all forget how bad a kisser he was in S6 like what happened. however, uhhh kinda worth it like I was initially intrigued about a Finn or Stefan route but Hamish is really coming in as a dark horse with chat like this (especially considering how sassy MC can be this season)

and the thing too is even though hes clearly changed bc they're making him a serious LI this season, there are several moments where I'm like yeah that's the same guy that had the audacity to ask S6 MC to run away with him at the end of S6

Then I played by rules like Chen, and chose a different person to snog, a different person to marry, a different person to pie. And then Hamish gets his little moment kissing and marrying MC, which kind of undermines the big moment which is his speech where he pies himself? like the talk on the terrace later this volume is great and I love the flirty banter between him and MC but he's so wishy washy about Natasha and it just doesn't really get addressed?

Kat's partner (in my game, Jude) is a whole mess. Like it'd be one thing if he's gonna be like "hey I'm sorry I was just defending Chen because I misinterpreted some stuff I thought you did" but it's another to do all that meanwhile he was also being shady about flirting with Melissa???

Then they call the incident Melgate bc... fusebox struck gold with Cherrygate and has been trying to recreate it ever since and has always failed. I never clicked the gem scene that would prompt Kat to tell you this story, and so I was so confused until they explained it in the next episode and that was so annoying. Then they do the thing (again!) where they like shame you for not being a friend (Kat's like "I tried to tell you"). this is worse than when you had an ugly dress and the girls were like God you look awful.

Jude being vague during the game was annoying bc i know theyre just stretching it out but also absolutely I could see that happening on the show where he's like "you know what you did. we'lltalk about it later" and it cuts to MC in the beach hut being like "judes being a real bitch. of course I know what I did but which time are you referring to"

Chen being constantly voted the sweetest during the challenge and then awards night is great but also just reminds me that his character is gonna be so vague from now on bc he's sharing a personality with three other guys. like its gonna hurt to break him but also he's not getting the care from the writing team that they've been giving the other routes so unfortunately he's boring rn 😬. doesn't even have the audacity to be mad just has to go away and think. And Chen just keeps taking L's too with MC (at least in my game) flirting with everyone and Jude in his ear saying MC can't be trusted. like if he twists in casa I'm not even sure if the audience would blame him (they would bc they love MC but ya knowww)

God don't remind me I'm missing not only missing actual litg season 2 but also what I have instead is Kat and Finn season 2

anyway MC being able to say never have I ever had a steamy shower with someone? she's so messy

also with Natasha explaining more of what she did in casa on her original season has me making things up in my head bc you gotta be a pretty memorable casa girl for the game to pretend you're an all star but she didn't even make it to the actual villa so that's even harder to imagine, but I'm going to pretend she flirted with one of the guys while also sneaking behind his back with Roxy and people ate that up. then he tells her he wants to bring her to the villa and she rides off into the sunset with Roxy instead (or Roxy breaks her heart goes in the villa with a guy idk)

I'm starting to think Kat's gonna end up either with Finn or if MC is with Finn, then single but then we get a reunion episode and she reveals she's dating Finn's brother bc she has a TYPE (also wouldn't be out of the ordinary for fusebox bc of the grace/ozzy/marshall thing but it's still icky to me lol)

then lastly for brunch we got the first of TWO prompts this volume to lay to learn about your own backstory?? I mean no question I'm upset about paying for information but your OWN character??

I had no problem saying no though like I feel like there's enough context about Sarah Ann for me to guess (side note, if anyone from Casa comes back with Sarah Ann I'm throwing hands)

OK but awards now. I feel like awards night is usually an end of season thing when the producers of the show have not much drama left bc the couples are solid and they want to throw in drama for the last week, but seeing as this is a game and they can just write in the finale whenever, I guess here is alright. (I wonder if that means no movie night then though?)

the clip they showed of Natasha? honestly, I respect her more for it. like idk she just seems more real than this perfect character flirting with MC all the time if she's venting to Hamish about also being sick of Kat and Finn or small things like Kelly taking long to get ready.

Here's where I did wish there was more branching like I think if you didn't do anything with Finn you should get a nice award, like about being loyal, while the clip still showed Finn being sneaky. like I don't doubt that if this were real, the producers of the show WOULD show the note and then getting cut off before MC realizing it's Finn and not her partner, but it's irritating to get blamed for that and even worse, MC does not get a real chance to defend herself, we just listen to everyone else's reactions.

anyway in my game MC should've been shown pieing off Finn at the pool and then Jude apologizing realizing he didn't understand what he saw. and then subsequently after show the clip of MC trying to kiss Finn at the shower and him rejecting her bc I personally loved that moment and I actually gasped when I thought they were gonna show it instead of cutting it off (bc again, not enough branching)

I did spend the gems on the second MC lore thing bc I was like ehh why not it's the end of the volume and like wow I get why I like s9 mc now, she's so Bobby coded 🤣

once again, I do appreciate the effort going into Hamish's route rn bc he has actual consequences and regrets for hooking up with Melissa and it getting exposed. OK maybe not actual consequences bc I think the game will just continue to pair up him and Natasha but the fact that there are some repercussions at all AND he gets to talk out his feelings and regrets about it with MC on the terrace after? And then he continues to show interest in MC and explain his reasons for not being with her and also the whole hi trying to look for validation from his dad? sorry Finn and Chen, the writers are playing favorites

I did not think we were getting casa lmao. there's no casa in the actual love island all stars and love island games so I was surprised but I'm curious about who the other boys are, if they're all gonna be international or are we gonna see at least one more UK islander? if Cassius is coming in during casa it feels like he's gonna be overshadowed and his route is probably merged with some international guys, which I guess makes enough sense like we didn't know him during season 7 anyway but I'm just curious.

oh yeah and this guy

late to the party like I know the game keeps reminding me of him, but the more they did the interested I was, but I could be brought back

OK fingers crossed they don't dump single islanders post casa

[baelpenrose]

Nihilus Rex 27: Mind Games

Nils and Lash have some nice, healthy communication. Also, more jokes about mind games and preparation to deal with their enemy, rival and possible ally. As a behind the scenes note, yes, Ottendorf, Altendorf, and Altdorf are all real variants of the same type of cipher, and me and @canyouhearthelight arguing about which one was most in character to use was actually part of the gag that just went into this chapter. Sometimes it's fun writing hopelessly OP characters where we just get to nod obliquely at all the shit our nerdy asses have picked up over the years.

You better be careful what you do

I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes

If they ever found you out

You better be careful what you say

It never really added up anyway

I got friends in this town

Miranda Lambert, “White Liar” 

Nils

Class was boring - I mean, it would have been interesting, especially the political debate that came inherent in the macroeconomic discussion of regulation - but frankly with everything else going on and the plans Lash and I were hatching it felt almost beneath notice. Like a waste of time before we got to the real action.

Our weeb friend was a smarmy son of a bitch, I had to give him that, and trying to trace him took work -  one of the other reasons that I was just as happy to use the challenge and draw him to us. If it worked, it let us keep flying under the radar and gave us a layer of plausible deniability, and if worst came to worst it handed us a convenient option for another patsy if he proved less than tractable.  Lash and I would have to be careful in our eventual conversation with him in how we phrased everything to make sure statements could be read to assume that he was pissed that we were taking credit for his ideas to set it up properly, but it could be done with good planning. Recruit if we could, cash out the option to get the Feds off our backs if we couldn’t - because we were going to need to deal with the fibbie at some point either way.

I shared the thought with Lash to get her thoughts, and see if we could begin establishing how we wanted to lay in that contingency. “Hey, so it occurs to me, if we can’t recruit this guy, we may want to have some kind of setup to feed him to the feds when we encounter him, let them think we were just doing some dumb, edgy marketing for our totally-legal activism and the actual ‘economic terrorist’ got pissed at us for trying to take the credit. If we can’t get him on our side, better not to have him in the way, right?” 

She looked thoughtful for a moment - or more accurately, like she was plotting - before asking slowly, “How likely would we be to frame him for some of the shit we’ve done? Even just stuff we did before we met?”

“I’d have to look at his profile a little more closely, but bear in mind that the hack itself doesn’t really match the profile of either of our usual patterns, and nothing we did before that rises to the level where the federal government cares enough to pay attention.” 

“I took money from Microsoft and donated it to charity,” she pointed out. “Repeatedly.  That would definitely land on the news, at least.”

“Right,” I said, taking a breath, trying to steady myself, “and let’s not get into my thefts from social media and various databombings on their harvested userdata, BUT that followed a very different profile than the bank job, which is what we knew drew their attention - they’re looking for the people who’d run the bank job, not people who are little more than thieving horseflies buzzing around the heads of corporate titans and taking a few drops here and there that said corporations never notice enough to report.” It was an unpleasant truth - we’d stolen probably tens of thousands between us, but not all at once, and in increments that the corporations we’d robbed could lose to rounding error. 

“Hey, you said you wanted him fed to the Fed, not to go down for the loans,” she shrugged. “Wire fraud across state lines is still FBI-worthy.  Not to mention that many counts.” Lash started silently ticking off on her fingers before staring at them and nodding. “Yeah, plenty of counts, for sure.”

“Fair. I’m worried they’re looking for the bank robbers and we have someone we can give them as a patsy. So when we meet with him, let’s feel him out and make sure any statements we have are set up so they can be misread as him trying to find out if we’re stealing credit for his work, yeah?” 

“Can do.” She snapped off a sarcastic salute before grabbing my elbow and semi-forcing me to slow down. “Either way, our ‘viral marketing campaign’ is ready to go as soon as you set up the location for the final clue.  So, make sure your sandbox is as secure as possible so we don’t get any bugs in there.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll have it ready in an hour. Want me to order some pizza while I do it?”  I had an extra tab open while I was getting the proxy networks set up and sketching out the ciphers for the clues.

“One meat lovers, one spinach and bacon, coming up,” she agreed, pulling out her phone. “Don’t forget to write down the address for me once it’s ready so I can translate it a couple times and hide it in the last clue.”

“Yeah, babe, I know, we’ve been picking at this for a minute.” I said, softly smiling. I wondered if she knew she talked to me the way her mom talked to her dad. I had almost finished the third cipher we were going to be doing it with. “Think three will be enough, or should we do four? At five it feels obnoxious, but if he wasn’t too paranoid to be hooked with fewer than three, he’d be a piece, not a player.” 

“Forty five minutes until food,” Lash announced before looking up. “I’m going to translate it at least twice - once to hex and once to… I dunno, a sound frequency maybe? So four should be fine on your end for the ciphers.”

“You got it. Altdorf code it is.” 

“Altendorf,” she corrected, scrunching her face at what she thought was a deliberate mistake on my part.

“Nope. Altdorf. Right wing computer nut, probably also a gamer. Altdorf code is a memetic variant on the classic Altendorf book cipher, named for a thing in a game franchise popular with that crowd.” I replied, smirking. Dating a girl who knew as much cryptography as I did was a blast, but it was occasionally fun to flex on each other. Loved it when she caught me out, as she often did, but it was sometimes fun to catch her off too. 

“Freaking nerd,” she half-mumbled, knowing good and well I would hear her. “But if it works, it works.  Provided he figures out all the clues I’m laying out.”

“And then we put all this effort into this to show off for each other for nothing…” I muttered, watching her work over what she did as I finished up selecting a handful of games, books, and comics to cipher off of, with arc numbers for each and internally contained clues within the cipher to hint at what the target should be using for the Altdorf code. Nonsensical to anyone who didn’t understand it, but comprehensible to anyone who did - if you understood the rest of the cyphers it was under, of course. 

“Ew, eyewatering,” she grunted before adjusting something. It must have worked, because she was able to actually look at the screen when she was done. “And now for the clouds…”

“Those clouds look awful.” I said, idly thinking out loud. “Really bloated, data-wise.” 

“That would be because they are compressed audio tracks,” she confirmed. “Which, when unzipped and played, give the hex code.  But yeah, they’re ugly, aren’t they?” The door buzzed and she looked at her phone. “Pizza’s here.”

“Ah.” I stood up and got the pizza, tipping the guy. After he left I turned back to Lash. “So, now we wait. Trap is baited and set with a challenge for a new ally or an enemy we can get rid of quickly. Speaking of the question as to what we do if he is a new ally: thoughts on how we get rid of the fed? She’s poking around the white supremacist scene, and stirring them up harder might lead to more of them poking around if she gets shot.” 

Lash rubbed her face before getting up to get plates. “My first instinct is to lay low and monitor.  Right now, there’s no actual evidence tying us to the situation, so monitoring would be the most conservative and safest call in the immediate future.  And it gives us time to plan something in the event we do need to intervene.”

I nodded as I poured drinks for both of us. “Yeah. Fair point. Give him about two days, then we’ll meet him together. Two options, either he thinks the whole made up names thing is actually bullshit, in which case he’ll want to meet both of the people he’s working with and we can establish a triumvirate, or he thinks it’s for real and is playing like he thinks it's dumb, then he’ll want to meet with the heads of both groups, which means we’ll need you there to rep one of them. What angles we play depends on what angle he hits us with.” I was still thinking about the way we could feel that out while also maintaining the option to sacrifice him and dispose of him to the feds if he wasn’t amicable to a team up, but honestly that was mostly just a matter of careful phrasing. 

“If it comes to that, as long as I am repping the Icono-whatsits, I’m good.”

“No, I thought we’d have the brown, anarchic immigrant’s daughter represent the carefully crafted illusion of the violently traditionalist ones who want to restore ‘traditional values’ because that would totally make the con hold up. Tell you what, when we take it global, and we have to do this in India, THEN we swap roles and you have to play a Hindutava nationalist and pretend to be a Disciple chick. For today, the heel role is mine.” 

She set her plate down with a loud clatter, glaring at me as she stood up. “And on that completely uncalled-for note, I think I need to head home for a few days.  Let me know if he gets in contact, and we’ll go from there.”

I sighed, realizing what I’d done wrong, then felt a surprising flash of irritation - at her, at myself, at the fact that every time we started getting closer I said something obnoxious and that we never just got a few weeks without some shit happening. “You know what? Yeah. I’m sorry. That was unnecessarily rude. If you want to go home, I get it, but please eat first, or at least take some pizza with you. I shouldn’t have been that much of an asshole - I’ve been jittery since the Fed showed up, and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. Know you can’t pass yourself off as a white supremacist, I mostly wanted to joke around about the fact that as this goes global, we may have to practice swapping roles for other countries. That’s all.” 

Lash took a deep breath and picked up one of the pizza boxes. “I know it will eventually be necessary for me to be the bad guy, but seriously. What part of this,” she waved a hand over herself, stopping to gesture emphatically at her face, “in any way says I won’t just blow our entire ass cover if I try to be a white supremacist? It’s not like I’m shirking work or something.”  The free hand shoved her hair back and she exhaled. “I think we just need a couple days to get actual sleep and calm down.”

“You aren’t shirking work, I know.” I said, trying to take a breath. “I’ve just been…I’ve been constantly trying to figure out every possible angle we can take this from, because I want to keep us out of trouble and keep the feds away, keep this prick away from your family, keep everything under control. I said something sarcastic that I thought was funny because yeah, obviously this,” I gestured at her, “was not going to be playing the white supremacist, this,” I gestured at my own face, “was. And I wasn’t looking forward to it. And it isn’t your fault I’ve been obsessively plotting, I haven’t been telling you all of it, but it’s been all of the babbling about contingencies I’ve been doing since the fed arrived. Because I’ve been afraid. And I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” True, but I did also want her to see my perspective of how much effort I was putting into this whole thing.  “And if you need me to give you a ride home tonight, I will, but seriously take a pizza. Because it’s too late for you to be walking home.” 

The pizza box in her hand dropped back to the table and she growled in frustration. “UGH! And all the shit with Uber and taxis lately…” She fell back into what had become her seat on the couch. “Fine. But I’m sleeping out here. In clothes, so don’t get any ideas, buster.”

“We didn’t have time to go mattress topper shopping, so you’ll probably sleep better, and I’m insisting on plenty of blankets. And you’re eating your share of pizza.” I shrugged. “And even my Catholic ass won’t feel guilty about you being too damn stubborn to take a ride I’m offering.” 

“No ride. I refuse to owe you,” she spat before biting viciously into a slice of pizza, shoving half of it into her mouth without a trace of grace.

“And thus, couch, blankets, and coping aplenty.” I said, sitting down. “You okay, Lash?”

“I am sleep deprived, stressed about the apartment being ready when my parents are discharged next week despite knowing that Mori has had it ready since the day after she got here, and I’m mad at you for being a jerk.”

“Mori took care of the apartment, you know it, you know you know it. You’re going to sleep better tonight, and I’m sorry for being a dick.” I said, coaxingly. “Things are going to be alright. Let’s eat, brush our teeth, then we can rack out, okay?” 

“Fine,” she muttered, demolishing another slice of pizza.

I wasn’t certain what it said about my life - or life, in general - that “relationship issues” were causing me slightly more confusion and headaches than “FBI investigation” and “rival terrorist” combined. It definitely said something, but I wasn’t entirely certain what. Maybe it was a me problem. Maybe if I wasn’t dating someone who would do terrorism with me I wouldn’t have this problem.

But then it wouldn’t be worth it.