#so it’s a challenge but. We Deal We Deal. anyway joke’s on her because she was trying to go to bed but we all talked for hours instead

[pussymasterdooku]

my dad is considering paying his beloved 25 year old employee/emotional affair partner’s income taxes to make a problem go away. this is obviously not going over well with my mother. in fact it may get us the rest of the way to her leaving! so that’s a father’s day for the books

[sunfairiess]

𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝, 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 | 𝐣𝐣 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

tropes: 3rd person narration | soft boy jj | best friends to lovers | comfort | fluff

synopsis: reader’s battling against anxiety, and during one of her anxiety attacks jj’s there to help her.

warnings: heavy depiction of anxiety, anxiety attack.

wc: 2.1k

writing this as someone who suffers from anxiety and deals with it on her own, was really emotional; if you find yourself in this position too, please don’t be afraid to ask for help. mental health matters <3

song rec: breathin - ariana grande ♡

everyone fights their own monsters, some are physically visible, others are perceived. some people have to fight against their families, some against their friends. but one of the biggest and worst challenges, was to fight against your own head.

everyone is tormented by their own monsters. hers is called anxiety, the beast who had ruined her life.

at school, her grades started to drop because she was just so tired all the time she couldn’t even bring herself to open the textbook; half of the foods she used to love were cut out of her daily routine because she would get constant heartburn and stomach problems to the point where she wasn’t able to consume a full meal for days.

when it came to sleeping, she couldn’t fall asleep because her mind was always racing with awful thoughts. what if i don’t wake up tomorrow? do my friends hate me because i didn’t go out with them today? is my heart supposed to beat so fast? my back is hurting, is this a health condition? am i going to be alone forever? usually she would go on for hours, reaching three or four in the morning, until she either cried herself to sleep or she almost passed out because of how tired she was.

going out of the house became hard. she became afraid of taking public transportation because what if someone tried to rob her or kidnap her. she couldn’t take long walks anymore because what if something happens and i’m alone. she even had to stop going to parties because she couldn’t stand big and loud crowds of people anymore.

her mental pain became physical: constantly having back problems, her chest and throat always felt too tight to breathe, her body tingling out of nowhere all the time.

it would’ve been a lie to say all of this didn’t reflected onto her relationship with others; she never told anyone about her own problems, not that they could help anyway. so when she started to hang out less with her friends, she always had to lie. i’m grounded, i can’t go out. sorry, i have too much homework to do. i have the flu, i can’t come. my dad needs my help, i’ll come next time. eventually though, she would run out of excuses, and that’s how she ended up for the first time in a month at the château, surrounded by her best friends.

“girl, we haven’t see you in forever, i almost forgot your face.” kiara joked, nudging her a bit with her elbow.

“i know, i’m so sorry guys. past month has been crazy.” which wasn’t a lie per se, she had spent the last weeks having constant anxiety and panic attacks. in the morning, in the afternoon, at night. and every single time she felt like she was about to die, the impending fear of doom creeping inside her. it really started to become unbearable, to the point where she didn’t even notice how many days would go by.

“well you’re here now, that’s what matters.” pope chimed in, giving her a smile. somehow that made her feel a little bit more lighter, knowing that her friends didn’t actually hated her. anxiety made her overthink every little detail of her life.

even though she tried to appear relaxed the whole night, she still felt like she was being chocked by an imaginary hand, pressing harder every time she breathed. she was grateful that none of her friends noticed the stiffness in her body, it would’ve been to hard to explain everything.

at least she thought no one noticed. jj noticed, he always did. he would observe every little detail about her. and from the moment she stepped into the château he hadn’t been able to keep his gaze off of her, not even for a second. he missed her. he hadn’t seen her in weeks and he had become restless. day and night he would think about her, what she was doing, if she missed him, if she too dreamed about him like he did about her. that’s how it felt being in love with your best friend.

jj knew something was up with her. she was always full of joy and energy, but bow it seemed like she had lost her spark. he knew there was something wrong, especially when he saw her fidgeting with her rings, gazing anxiously around her. he knew something was wrong when she got up, excusing herself from the conversation, and almost running to the bathroom.

following her wasn’t probably too good of an idea, but jj was impulsive, so he did it anyway. amen to that, he would’ve dealt with the consequences later, like his confused friends asking him what the heck was going on.

as he entered the bathroom, she was sat on the toilet. her face so pale you would think she was about to pass out.

he sees her as she stares into the wall, her eyes fixed in front of her, full of fear. he notices as she bring her right hand to her throat, sliding slowly down her chest and pressing hard. he hears her breathing going faster and heavier, like she couldn’t catch a full breath. her hands shaking as she tries to ground herself and not slip into the arms of her anxiety.

jj had no idea of what an anxiety attack looked like, he had been fortunate enough to never had one, but he always thought they had to feel awful for whoever got them. but seeing her, his sweet little sunshine, shaking all over the place and being surrounded by a cloud of darkness around her, made his heart break into a thousand millions pieces. he wanted to help her, but he didn’t know how to do it in the right way. he just wanted to do something, and so he did.

“sunshine, hey. baby, look at me. c’mon lemme see your pretty eyes.” he kneeled in front of her, placing both of his hands on her knees and gently rubbing his thumbs against them.

everything was spinning around her, thoughts racing with all the emotions she bottled up and all the fears she always had. she couldn’t stop them, it felt like she was going to be swallowed up by a black vortex. but then she heard his voice, it was like hearing an angel talking. her gaze slowly shifted from the white wall to his eyes, his gorgeous blue eyes, usually shining like stars when they looked at her, but now they were the depiction of concern. she felt a sharp feeling of guiltiness running through her your veins, because the last thing she wanted was to make him sad.

“that’s it, baby. you are so pretty, my pretty girl.” he gave her a soft smile, slowly moving his hands from her knees to her thighs. he wanted to pull her close and hug her, but one time— and thank god for him and the one time jj actually listened to what he said— pope told him that when people had anxiety or panic attacks, most of the time they didn’t wanted to be touched. so, instead of being the usual impulsive jj he was with everyone, he took baby steps with her, not wanting to scare her or make her even more anxious.

her breath was slowly calming down, but the aching in your chest and the lump in her throat were still there, still feeling like she was going to suffocate any moment now, but jj pulled her out of her thoughts again.

“alright pretty girl, i need you to do something for me, ‘kay? i need you to take deep breaths with me, i know it’s hard but i’m here. you’re safe, i won’t let anything happen to you. breathe with me, baby.” his voice was so sweet and gentle, she actually thought she was going to cry because of how soft he was speaking to her and how he was trying to handle the situation. she nodded slightly, following his example as he took one deep breath and then exhaled. one deep breath and exhaled. inhale and exhale. and they went on, and on, until the tension she felt before started to leave her body, making her shoulders and back relax and her hands stop shaking.

jj didn’t say anything this time, he just looked as she regained consciousness of her surroundings. even though the attack was gone, it usually took hours before she could actually calm down completely. it was hard and she always handled them alone, but this time having him with her felt like a blessing from heaven.

feeling like she had just been pulled out of a dark hole, she launched herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck. he let out a sigh as soon as he felt her flesh touch his own, his arms reaching for her hips and his face buried deep into the crook of her neck. they stayed like this for a almost twenty minutes. he only pulled her in tighter, not wanting to let go of her because he knew as long as she was into his arms, she was safe.

30 minutes later they were laying next to each other in the hammock, her head resting on his chest, the sound of his heart beating calming her, like a lullaby. his hands were both placed on her back, rubbing small circles against the thin fabric of her shirt.

jj really didn’t want to break the peacefulness that surrounded them, but he had to ask her why she never told him anything. he felt like he was failing at being her best friend. “why did you never tell me?” his voice was low, sounding almost like a whisper.

“i- i don’t know. i didn’t want to bother anyone, didn’t want to be a burden.” jj stopped moving his hands on her back, instantly lifting his head to look at her.

“okay, know that i’m not mad, but, firstly, i’m not anyone. i’m your best friend, you would never be a burden to me.” his hands moved to her cheeks, lifting her face. “i’ve been through hell and back these past weeks. not seeing you, not talking to you for more than 5 minutes on the phone, not touching you. it nearly killed me, y/n. i was always on the edge of a breakdown, constantly snapping at everyone because i didn’t know how you were doing. were you safe? were you alright? not knowing made me go insane.”

he stopped for a moment to catch his breath. he was pouring his heart out, which he never do, but he just felt like he had to do it now. “and i’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, that’s the last thing i want. i just wish for you to know how much you mean to me. you’re the most important person in my life, you’re my best friend, my ride or die, my partner in crime. you- you’re my first love, and hopefully you’ll be my last one too.”

her eyes went wide at his words, and honestly she thought she heard him wrong. “jj, what- what are you saying?”

“i know the night wasn’t perfect, but please just lemme say this now because i don’t know when i’ll get the same courage again. i love you, y/n. i love everything about you. i love that weird sound you make when you laugh too much, i love how your eyes shine when you’re talking about things you like, i love how after surfing your hair become all curly. hell, i love even the things you do that should piss me off, like when you throw away my joint because i’ve been smoking too much or when you scream at me because i got in a fight with some kooks again. i love you so much it physically hurts.”

her eyes were watery now, tears threatening to coming out in flows. she didn’t know what to say. because seriously, what do you say to someone who sees you as the most incredible human being, when you can’t even love a quarter of yourself?

you say nothing. but you can do something.

that’s why, in the quietness of the night, under the stars and while she was feeling at peace for the first time in weeks, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against it.

she wasn’t magically healed, she still had things to deal with. but now, she wasn’t on her own anymore.

[no-144444]

confronting- o.piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x fem! Skyf1interviewer! reader

summary: a confrontation in a hotel room doesn't go so well thanks to Franco's loud mouth...

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

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Entertaining the idea of dating Oscar when you knew you’d be gone at the end of the season wasn’t fair. He deserved someone who’d be there for every race, be there for him. You weren’t that person. You weren’t the person anyone should want, you just weren’t like that. 

Qatar rolled around and Oscar won the Sprint, and he was P3 in the race. You were meant to do the interviews. He knew that. That’s why he frowned when he was met with Jenson’s face at the end of the race. 

“Where’s Y/n?” he asked, not holding the microphone up to his mouth. 

Jenson smirked. “Missing her?”

Oscar nodded. 

“She’s with Franco, he was pretty upset after the crash.”

“Oh,” he nodded, and the interview began. 

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ

It’s not like you were trying to avoid him, it was just… easier that way. And Franco really was quite shaken after the crash, so that part wasn’t a lie either. You just didn’t want to deal with all of the shit the media and people online would give the two of you. You just wanted a nice, clean break from the world of F1, and the people online who shipped you and Oscar would never let that happen. It was upsetting, because he really was a good friend to you, and you thought you were a good friend to him. Maybe it could’ve been something else, if things were different. You sat with Franco, calming him down since he was pretty upset that his second last race of the season was fucked by a silly turn-one incident. 

“What’s going on with you and that model?” you asked. He chuckled. 

“Oh my, you saw it too? It’s so embarrassing,” he sighed. “Even my mother has been asking me about it.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” you laughed at his reaction. “We can talk about anything you want.”

“What’s going on with you and Oscar?” he smirked and your face fell slightly. 

“Nothing,” you shook your head. “We’re friends.”

“Friends?” he pried. “You two seem like more than ‘friends’ to me.”

You rolled your eyes. “We’re not. We’re just friends,” you assured him. 

Franco sat up, leaning closer to you. He was so close his breath was on your cheek, his eyes staring longingly into yours. You knew what he was doing.  “So he wouldn’t mind it if someone kissed you, no?”

You laughed, pushing him back down to his previous position of lying down. “Stop being weird. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. He shouldn’t care anyway.”

“Let’s test that,” Franco challenged. “Kiss me in front of him, and then we’ll know. I’ll ask Lando to tell me about it, they’re close, right?”

You sighed, something about it felt a little bit… manipulative. And it’s not like you were looking for Oscar to like you back, he didn’t. That’s what he’d said the last time, it was only a joke, a prank, a mistake. Which was fine with you, of course. It made sense. You couldn’t be there for him while you were supposed to be there for someone else. Someone else on his team. 

Ok, so maybe the move to Indycar isn’t just about Sky starting to cover it. Maybe, they need more European fans, and you have to go over there and sell it to them with a relationship with Pato O’Ward. Maybe McLaren is paying you a lot of money to do that. 

Just maybe though. 

“I can’t do that Franco,” you explained. “It’s not fair. And anyways, I’m kind of… seeing someone.”

“Is it Oscar?!” he questioned. You shook your head. “Lando? Lance? Zhou? Yuki? Who?” “He’s not in F1!” you giggled, watching as Franco freaked out. 

“Who is he?! You have to tell me right now!” he begged, taking your hands. 

“He’s in Indycar, that’s all I’ll tell you,” you smirked and his jaw dropped. 

“Is that why you’re leaving?!” he almost shouted. 

“No! Sky really is just branching out, but yes, it is nice that I’ll actually be able to watch his races,” you chuckled. 

“I’ll miss you,” he frowned. 

“I’ll miss you too,” you chuckled, pulling him in for a hug. “Now, I have to go do my post-race duties, so I’ll see you in Abu Dhabi, alright?”

He frowned even deeper. “Alright,” he mumbled. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me!”

You left the Williams garage with a smile on your face, very much amused by your conversation with Franco. 

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ

You pulled up to the media pen, really to meet with Jenson and Nico, your co-hosts this weekend, but they were nowhere to be seen. Regardless, you prepared yourself with the running order. 

Lance, Lando, Max, Checo, Zhou, and Fernando. That’s all you had to get through before you got on a flight to Abu Dhabi the next morning. After another few minutes of waiting, Nico and Jenson showed up, acting slightly strange. They weren't really speaking to you, only with each other. It’s not like they were excluding you, just… not asking for your input. They seemed guilty too. 

Lance, Lando, Max, and Checo were all fine, polite and out of there quickly. Oscar didn’t show up. Unsurprising, as you had been avoiding him. Zhou and Fernando went by in a flash, and you were back to your hotel by 2am. 

When you walked into your hotel, you were not expecting to see Oscar Piastri standing outside your door. 

Holy shit. You were so astronomically fucked. 

“What are you doing here?” you questioned. He turned to you. 

He cleared his throat. He’d been thinking of a response to that question since the second he’d started waiting outside for you. What was he doing? This was insane. His plan was to make you stay, but he was much too upset to talk rationally when he got the text from Franco about you seeing an Indycar driver. Honestly, it crushed him. He genuinely thought you’d liked him. “I wanted to… talk? Or something, just to gauge what the fuck is going on here,” he was getting heated, and you understood he was probably angry with you, and it’s not like he didn’t have a reason. 

“What do you mean?” you asked, opening your hotel room door and letting him inside. 

“You’re going to Indycar?” he questioned. “What the fuck?”  

You gulped, hard. “Yeah?” 

“Why?” he demanded. “What does Indycar have that F1 doesn’t? F1 is faster cars, faster drivers, more money, more races, more countries, more-”

“Oscar! Did it ever occur to you that this wasn’t my fucking choice?!” you shouted over him. Silence. “Indycar doesn’t have Sky coverage, but Europeans are interested in the sport and they need a known interviewer to go there and make it easier to sell it to people, and I got picked. That’s it.” 

“So it has nothing to do with whatever Indycar driver you’re fucking?” he scoffed. Your face fell. Your eyes fell to the hardwood floor beneath your feet. “Yeah, I know.”

Your face soured and you looked up again, offended. Who did he think he was? He had no say in your life at all. You’d hated him for 2 years, and you had no real reason to, now you had one. “I owe you nothing Oscar. I’m an adult in a consenting relationship, and yes he’s in Indycar, is that a crime?” 

“Is that why you’re going over there?” he asked, stepping closer to you. You could cut the atmosphere in the room with a knife. “Or are you running away from something here?” 

“Fuck you,” you pushed him back. This wasn't the Oscar you knew. He was different, angry, mean, and rude. You owed him nothing. “Get out.” 

He nodded, and left without another word. 

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ

mclaren masterlist

navigation for my blog :)

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

taglist:

@anotherapollokid @chelseyyouraverageluigi @suns3treading @patis643 @trees-are-books @stressed-cherry @revrse @awenthealchemist @imdyinghelpplease @successfulgarlic81

[toocabaret]

I’ve been having some Thoughts™️ about the weird meta paradox of gerri kellman’s sexuality. as basically The Older Woman on the executive floor she’s trying as much as is possible to blend in with her male colleagues while also not being perceived to be doing so. muted colours and understated makeup. a competent filing cabinet. her husband is dead and her daughters are nameless. she was sexual once but that’s out of sight out of mind and now it’s just the work. it must be a relief in some ways to become finally unfuckable because you’re over 40. she can finally be taken seriously, but only if she toes the line between being too female and not female enough. trying but not too hard. desirable in the past tense only. an honorary man but still in a skirt. and while the men around her can fuck their much younger assistants and get sports massages and run a sex trafficking ring on a cruise ship, she is the job and only the job and that keeps her safe. for a bit anyway.

the irony of gerri saving the company from the full legal extent of a sex scandal by dating someone from the DOJ??? like i’ll never be over it. even filing cabinets have to flatter and please and fuck when called upon. i genuinely don’t believe any of the other execs could have swung it because they’re not women. she dated laurie (generally unseen unless framed from another man’s possessive perspective) to save the men from going to jail for covering up rape allegations. the irony is delicious. and even though she did that, she’s discarded once she’s framed sexually. Dick Pic Gate was out of her control and yet when confronted with any element of gerri’s sexuality (even her PASSIVE sexuality, even after using it to save his company), logan dismisses her as weak or impractical or failing or whatever other excuse he uses to justify his disgust.

i would argue that roman’s interest in gerri is not in spite of but BECAUSE of her asexual framing. it’s a challenge that he’s never going to win which is ideal for his impotency issues; he can push and push and get the thrill out of it, out of the fucked up power dynamic, but he knows he’ll never have to actually fuck her. it’s all hypothetical: down a phone, through a door, half-joking, covered in sensible skirt suits. gerri’s deliberate lack of sexualizing is counterintuitively a turn-on for roman. and i bet the game of chicken they play is freeing for her too because the fact that she has to be professional and cannot be sensual is part of the fun of it. “roman is weird about gerri”. “it’s fucking disgusting”. not because of their family history, or their professional positions, but because she’s old. because the absence of her sexuality is enough of a presence to be off-putting. shiv patronising her about it as a power play is so weird because she’s talking to her simultaneously like a child and like an old woman, and gerri, agency-less, just has to keep reassuring her “i can cope”.

BUT it’s worse than that because it’s so meta. Because gerri is hot. her actor is attractive and like roman, many people watching find her sexless, no-nonsense framing to be titillating. me included. what if roman likes gerri not because of oedipal issues but just because she’s hot and god forbid we find a woman over 50 hot? but whether or not gerri is hot in the context of the show shouldn’t be a big deal, she should have been able to escape this by now!!! she’s in her 60s she’s a widow she’s tired stop sexualizing her!!! but don’t NOT sexualize her either because that’s problematic too and old women can be hot and old women shouldn’t have to be hot and suddenly i’m making gerri do what waystar does and exist as something sexual and non-sexual at the same time. she has a huge plotline in which she’s essentially a sex object. whether or not gerri is fuckable is talked about as much in the show with mildly-disgusted fascination as it is in the real world!!! she can’t win she’s hot she’s old she’s sexually framed she’s deliberately trying not to be she wants sex she doesn’t want sex she’s covering sex with sex and she’s telling roman to leave her alone so she can just do her damn job because she knows that this is what will bring her down!!! sex scandals historically don’t get men fired but an unsolicited dick pic knocks gerri off her podium in logan’s head forever. even now i’m talking about it at such length because i’ve given it so much thought!!! she’s the only woman in the old guard and she’s one of the most sexualized characters in succession. but only as a joke. in the abstract. never actually. because that would be weird. right?

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 8

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

Oof. This took me way longer than planned. Partly, because I had some uni assignments to work on and partly, because I went home the weekend after episode 8 dropped and ended up binging the entirety of Star in My Mind with my mother. On her request, btw. Who am I to say no to my mother when she wants to watch a JoongDunk show for the 3rd time together. I actually meant to upload it a day or two ago, but then I kept realizing and noticing and remembering details that I really wanted to add, some of which were also language related, so I then needed to check with my Thai language correspondents which also took some time as I waited for their replies.

But here it finally is! I know in my last meta I said it was my longest one yet, but this one's even longer, actually. Watch my metas hit 20k words by the end of the series lmao. Anyway, enjoy. And apologies in advance if my ep9 meta is also late, since I had to finish this one first. I promise I'll try my best to get it done before ep10 <3

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: So Fadel and Bison found out. Fadel and Bison are mad. Fadel and Bison want to kill Kant and Style. Style was drugged, kidnapped, found himself tied up at a pool staring down the barrel of his own boyfriend's gun, survived, and then drove off into the sunset, uh, I mean went on a little road trip in search of his best friend and his boyfriend's brother/best friend's boyfriend. As bleak as things may seem with Style being back at square one with the added challenge that Fadel now actively wants to kill him, this, at the same time, may be one of the best things that has ever happened to Style, because finally everything is out in the open. Style no longer has any secrets to keep (except for the deal with the car) and he can finally be brutally honest in everything he says and everything he does.

No. 1: Midnight Mote– Oh Wait Wrong Show

We meet them as they're pulling into the parking lot of a motel. Since it seems to be pretty late at night, I think it's fairly safe to assume that they were driving all day, likely non-stop. The first thing out of Style's mouth is a horny line. "Why are we at a motel? Did you get turned on while we were on the way or what?" And just from that line alone we can actually see how far he's come since the beginning of the series and how far he's come in his feelings for Fadel too. Remember my first few metas about the first few episodes of the show and how I would go into whether Style really meant his flirty comment or not? I don't think in this moment Style was actually trying to seduce Fadel (we know how he acts when he does want to seduce him and we'll even get to see an example of it in a bit when they're in the room), but it's still very different from his flirty/horny comments in the first couple of episodes in the series where he also wasn't really genuinely trying to seduce Fadel. Back then, a lot of his comments were very loud in a performative kind of way, as if he was saying them for an audience, not because he actually meant what he said. This one here? There is absolutely none of that loud, performative energy to be found. No, Style makes this comment very casually, almost matter-of-factly even as if he's asking something like So, what do you want for dinner tonight?

It's no longer a performance to him. In fact, he's quite serious about it and while it was an offhanded rhetorical question, it still almost sounds like an honest question. The flirting is no longer a joke to Style the way it was in the first three episodes of the series. He genuinely wants to know. But Fadel shuts him down and orders him to get out of the car. Style is a bit annoyed at the dismissal, but by now he's also used to it. After all, he did spend four episodes doing nothing but hitting one wall after the other. And just like back then, he won't let Fadel shake him off that easily. So Style complains: "I’m just curious so I know what to expect. It’s not like I can just turn the switch on, you know?" Again, this is not a performance. In fact, this time around, he's even more serious than compared his comment before. He may not be planning on actively seducing Fadel right here right now in the car, but who is Style to say no if the opportunity to sleep with Fadel arises? For Style, sleeping with Fadel is absolutely on the table if Fadel makes the offer. And so Style lets him know. "I’m just curious so I know what to expect." Will you be sleeping with me? Are you planning on sleeping with me?

Fadel takes a moment to reply and there is an interesting expression on Style's face as he waits for an answer:

Style is watching him carefully, really observing Fadel's face. He's done this before when he's hit Fadel with a flirty or suggestive line, but where before his expression would always be one of excitement or amusement or curiosity or sometimes even smugness, this time it's completely serious. It's almost as if Style is searching for something. But searching for what?

As I mentioned above, I don't think Style is actively trying to seduce Fadel here. I think he's more testing the waters. Because while yes, Fadel has slept with him before and yes, Fadel is in love with him and Style knows it (he will later confirm it for himself at the end of the episode), the problem is that Fadel is also very pissed at him right now and is actively planning to kill him, has actively tried to kill him only hours ago, actually. If that doesn't send confusing signals, then I don't even know anymore. And so Style needs to figure out where exactly he stands with Fadel right now – that's what Style is searching for when he's staring at Fadel. He's trying to see how far Fadel has pushed him away now that the lies have come to light, is trying to find out how close Fadel will let him come now that Fadel has calmed down a bit from his tantrum at the pool. Will Fadel let Style get close enough again to maybe even be willing to sleep with him like before? Is their relationship maybe not in ruins yet? Has Fadel's anger faded enough? Does Style still have a chance with him? Is there a chance they can go back to the happiness they shared before all hell broke loose? This matters to Style and it matters a lot. And so he tries to look for the answers in Fadel's face as he waits for Fadel's reply. And after a moment, Fadel lifts his gun and hits him with:

I didn't take you here to sleep with you. กูไม่ได้พามึงมาเอาเนาะ [guu mâi dâai paa mueng maa ao nó] I - not - take - you - come - sleep with - [particle] Official subs: I’m not sleeping with you.

Sex is not the purpose for which Fadel made Style drive to a motel of all places. Fadel informs Style that this is where he's meeting Bison and repeats his order for Style to get out of the car. Style actually stares at Fadel for a second before he reacts:

This is the second right before Style turns his head and says he'll wait. And again I think this is him taking in Fadel's response and his brain working out where exactly Fadel has put him now. That's important info for Style to know. Style needs to understand where exactly he stands, because he needs to find out how much distance precisely it is that he has to overcome so that he can figure out a way to overcome that distance. Because Style doesn't want there to be any distance between the two of them at all. But Fadel clearly won't let Style get anywhere close right now. So Style turns his head and announces that he'll be waiting in the car. He's not in the mood to follow along, Fadel is a big boy and can go and get his brother by himself. Fadel, however, isn't in the mood to play either. He points his gun at Style's head again and tells him no. Style will not be waiting in the car. Style looks severely unimpressed.

Fadel orders Style to follow him, and in fact, not just to follow Fadel but walk in front of him, actually, thank you very much. And yes, Fadel does literally say "follow me", not "come along":

ตามกูมา [dtaam - guu - maa] follow - me - come Official subs: You come with me.

As a translation student I think it's a shame the translator didn't stick to a literal translation here, because I think it's pretty funny how Fadel is all "follow me" at first until he remembers that "following" implies walking behind someone and then changes his mind and tells Style to take the lead instead so that Fadel can actually keep an eye on him and threaten him with his gun if need may be. With Fadel ordering Style to walk behind him at first, I think it highlights his unspoken threat of "Walk in front of me (where I can see you)" even more and it's a shame the translator removed that. But despite the threat, Style just continues to be unimpressed. In fact, Fadel is really starting to get on Style's nerves now. And so he rolls his eyes and sighs the biggest sigh ever to make sure Fadel really can't miss how Style feels about this, how he feels about getting out of that car, how he feels about Fadel bossing him around and threatening him and waving a gun in his face.

Style is so fucking done with Fadel's stupid fucking act. And Style knows it's an act, he knows Fadel won't be killing him. At least not any time soon. And especially not right here in the parking lot of this motel. Fadel steps out of the car and Style watches him, then shakes his head, annoyed, before he follows Fadel's lead and gets out of the car as well.

They make their way towards the aunty and Fadel actually does fall behind Style as they walk. Once they reach the aunty, Fadel starts questioning her about Bison. She recognizes Bison on the photo, but hasn't seen him in a while. Aunty is worried and asks if he ran away from home. Style immediately jumps in and comes up with a reasonable story.

@secriden has an interesting thought about this:

[T]he story Style comes up with about why they're looking for a missing person on their own like this (instead of, y'know, going to the police like upright, non-hitman citizens would've) was really good to explain their urgency/frustration and preempt any suspicion so that the auntie is unlikely to report them to the cops. Style is actively, genuinely helping Fadel out and using his excellent skills at playing Asian aunties to full effect for him. Ugh, just look at how earnest and worried Style's expression is!? He totally disarms the auntie while I bet she would've been a lot more suspicious and distrustful if grumpy face on the left had come asking questions alone.

I think this is certainly an aspect of it, but I'm not sure how much of it is Style consciously doing this in order to help Fadel out and to keep the aunty from getting too suspicious and how much of it is Style acting on instinct. Not to mention, part of this is definitely also Style just being a chatty cat, ready to strike up a conversation with anyone who'll listen to him talk. Especially when it involves aunties that he can wrap around his finger with his charm. That is Style's personality after all.

I also love how Style drops the "boyfriend" without a second thought. Because obviously they are still boyfriends. Yes, Fadel drugged him and kidnapped him and pulled a gun on him and nearly killed him but never once did he utter the words "I'm breaking up with you" or "This relationship is over". So of course this relationship is very much still on. Why wouldn't it be?

Though let me just say, I don't think Style necessarily called Fadel his boyfriend deliberately in this moment in the sense of that he is actively trying to send some kind of underlying message to Fadel. I mean, in a way yes, but this boyfriend mention is very casual (as if it's the most self-evident thing in the world) and so I don't think his main goal here is to send some kind of deliberate pointed message along the lines of Do you hear that Fadel, I truly love you and I still consider you my boyfriend to Fadel, because if that were the case, he would have highlighted the word "boyfriend" more. Style will be calling Fadel his boyfriend very deliberately and pointedly later in the episode after a certain confrontation. But for now, this underlying message is more of a side thought.

Aunty asks if the two of them want a room. Style say yes. Fadel says no. Style insists. He's tired and there's no point in continuing their search for Bison right now. Fadel is stubborn. They have to keep going. Style starts getting overdramatic and flaunts his waist. Aunty supports Style. She refers to Style as Fadel's boyfriend. Style throws Fadel a pleased, warm look and raises his eyebrows at him. See? She's on my side. I'm winning this. Fadel says Style isn't his boyfriend. We don't even get to see Style's reaction to that claim, so I guess it couldn't have hit him too hard. Maybe he was even half expecting this sort of reaction with the way Fadel has been pulling back from him and has been rebuilding his walls.

Aunty tells them she'll be putting them in a special room and Fadel doesn't argue. Aunty presents them with lube and a condom. Style throws Fadel an amused and a little smug look.

No. 2: Of Mechanics and Race Car Beds

Fadel is having one of the worst nights of his life. That special room is very much not to his liking. Style, though, loves it. Obviously. Although, I think he also partly says it to be extra nice to the aunty to make up for Fadel being such a grumpy cat and partly as a way to get under Fadel's skin. The "Fast. Hard. Furious." part especially is a direct message to Fadel. Style is being a little shit again in order to get through to Fadel, but what's different now compared to the early episodes is that there is so now much more fondness that comes with it. When he smiles at Fadel afterwards, there is amusement in his expression, but moreover there is so much warmth and affection as well. There's even an air of playful innocence about it like Don't you agree, baby? 😇

The aunty leaves and Style comments on how he's never had sex in a car before (and to those who are calling bullshit on that statement, let me just point out: he said he never had sex in a car, he didn't say anything about never having sex with a car. I mean, we all saw how he touched Kant's car back in episode 1 🤭🤭🤭). Style takes off his shirt, throws it at Fadel, leans onto the windshield of the car and says some very flirty and suggestive things. Fadel finally gets up from his spot in the very last corner of the room, walks up to Style, grabs his hand and leads it down his own body. Then Fadel leans in for a kiss, only to handcuff Style to the bed.

This whole scene is very reminiscent of the kitchen scene at the start of episode 4. In both scenes Style says flirty and suggestive shit with the actual goal of getting into Fadel's pants, in both scenes Style makes a comment about how it's like a sex fantasy (Note: in episode 4 the subs say "wild", but since he is literally saying an English loanword I think you can hear it for yourself and don't need me to spell it out for you in Thai like I usually do), in both scenes Fadel is trying to push Style away, in both scenes Style is also trying to annoy Fadel in some way. And yet both of these scenes go very differently.

In my ep4 meta I discussed why Style genuinely meant all the flirting in the scene and how he was genuinely trying to get into Fadel's pants, but there is one aspect I actually didn't really mention, partly because I was focusing on other things and partly because back then I didn't yet have the comparison of how Style's flirting would be like once they were in an actual relationship and real romantic feelings were involved. I've mentioned before how when Style is saying suggestive things without actually meaning them in the earlier episodes his voice will be louder and his tone much more performative while when he is sincere in his sexual flirting his voice will go more quiet. When Style goes into his whole "I know a guy like you just needs a little nudge" spiel in episode 4 his voice is a lot more quiet than it usually is compared to the insincere flirting which is why (amongst other reasons I discuss in my ep4 meta) I think he definitely meant it, but (and this following part I didn't mention back then) there is something about his tone of voice and also the way he grabs Fadel's crotch in such a rough, unsexy way that makes me think he was also trying to piss Fadel off a bit. It's not just flirting, but it's a challenge too. Because Fadel keeps claiming he didn't miss Style when Style failed to show up at Fadel's usual spots, keeps claiming that Style is a only a bother to him. And so I think, as much as Style was genuinely up for sleeping with Fadel for a second time (the same way something else was, ahem, up that morning when Style awoke from his blissful dream), I think he was also using the chance to try and get under Fadel's skin again, trying to break down Fadel's walls even more, trying to make him admit that he was thinking about Style and that he had grown to like him.

Now in episode 8 Style doesn't need Fadel to admit his feelings anymore. Fadel is his boyfriend already, they've slept together on multiple occasions, and have also gotten to know each other on a deeper emotional level. Yes, Fadel has put his walls back up now that the truth is out, but now Style also knows what lies behind those walls. And so in this scene in the motel room he actively annoys Fadel on purpose, first of all by being flirty in the first place (Style knows exactly that Fadel isn't here to sleep with him since Fadel explicitly told him so when they arrived) and second of all by throwing his shirt at Fadel, which I think is an attempt at kind of connecting to/making contact with Fadel who retreated all the way into the last corner of the room and an attempt at getting some kind of reaction/engagement out of him. And what I've also seen someone note somewhere in the tags is how Style's shirt says "control". Style rids himself of "control" and throws it at Fadel. And we see that in the way he acts.

In the kitchen, even if he let Fadel take the lead once Fadel grabbed his waist and put him onto the table, in the beginning it was still Style who initiated everything, it was Style who moved closer to Fadel and who started touching him. Now in the motel, Style lets Fadel fully be in control from the start. Instead of getting closer to Fadel, Style now stays put exactly where he is. Instead of touching Fadel suggestively as Style did in the kitchen and is generally keen on doing whenever he genuinely wants to get into Fadel's pants he leans on onto the windshield of the car and puts himself on display completely, flaunts himself, offers himself to Fadel in a way that says here I am, take me any time. Style stays put, doesn't touch Fadel, and instead waits as he leaves the choice to engage entirely up to Fadel. Fadel can have him whenever he's ready. Style won't force Fadel before he is ready but he will make sure that Fadel knows loud and clear that Style's offer is here.

Style's tone is also fully grounded and serious now as well as very calm. It's the complete opposite of his loud, showy, performative behavior from the first three episodes when he was trying to "seduce" Fadel and was spewing insincere words. And when he smiles at Fadel, he's kinda amused but there is also so much warmth behind in his expression:

Fadel finally gets up and engages with Style and it's interesting, because back during episode 4 in the kitchen I already thought Style was serious about hooking up with Fadel and it's just so cool to see just how much more serious Style actually gets now that strong romantic feelings are involved. If you watch the kitchen scene from episode 4 and the motel scene from episode 8 back to back you can absolutely tell in which of these scenes Style is full on in love. And what else is interesting is that even though in the kitchen scene from episode 4 Style 10000% means every single thing he says and genuinely wants to hook up with Fadel right then and there, there is still some sort of performative air to his lines when he says "Oh, we’re doing it in the kitchen?" and "Wild. I like it". In episode 4, Style had just found out from the market aunty that his strategy of staying away did have an effect on Fadel, but when Style calls him out on it, Fadel keeps rejecting him and keeps telling him to piss off. And while Style's gut feeling tells him that Fadel does feel something for him, Style doesn't actually know. Because Fadel keeps saying otherwise and keeps pushing him away. But in the kitchen Style genuinely wants something from Fadel and I think when Style makes his comments while Fadel is putting him on the table his words aren't entirely grounded not because he's being insincere, but because he's trying to play it cool. I think he's trying to hide how desperate he is for Fadel to reciprocate his blossoming feelings.

Now in episode 8, though? Style is no longer desperate for it. Sure, Fadel is currently pushing him away again all the time, but it's okay. Because unlike in episode 4, Style now knows for a fact that they're in love. That Fadel is in love with him, too. Fadel is mad at him right now, but that will pass. So when Fadel comes over to (seemingly) go along with Style's seduction, Style doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to anymore. He doesn't have anything to prove anymore. He is confident about their mutual feelings and their relationship now.

Something that both the ep4 kitchen scene and the ep8 motel room scene, and actually also the ep3 storage room scene share is how Style lets Fadel take the lead. Style isn't forcing himself onto Fadel, he sits back and lets Fadel do whatever he wants to do to him.

Fadel grabs Style's hand and leads it down his chest. Style follows with curiosity, looking pleased, clearly happy that Fadel is actually engaging instead of pushing him away and definitely also excited about the prospect of getting some. Fadel leans in for a kiss and Style follows and—

Before Style knows it, Fadel has handcuffed him to the bed. Kissing is off the table, it seems. In episode 4, Style was extremely hurt by Fadel's rejection. Now in episode 8, he's still pretty miffed about it, but he is in no way as hurt as he was that time in the kitchen. Because by now Fadel has done this to him enough times that he's used to it. And also, as I mentioned before, their relationship is on a very different level now. Fadel handcuffs Style and Style is disappointed, but not surprised. Mostly he is just kinda annoyed that Fadel is still keeping up this stupid act. "What the hell? I ain’t running away, you know?"

In episode 4, Style ran off, hurt and humiliated and very enraged. In episode 8, Style stays put. Not that he could have gotten very far even if he had wanted to run off, but Style genuinely doesn't want to. In episode 4, Style spent quite a long time being angry at Fadel for dumping him like that. In episode 8, Style is annoyed for like a second upon realizing what Fadel's plan had been all along, but then he immediately gets over it and meets Fadel with love and warmth instead. Fadel says "I don’t trust you" and Style does talk back, but it's more of an affectionate teasing than an attempt at instigating an actual argument. Style almost smiles at Fadel after he says "And if I need to take a piss?" Fadel lets him know that he will be uncuffing him for that if need may be and Style lowers his gaze. He sees the complimentary gifts and playfully starts teasing Fadel about using them. And unlike earlier, I think this time with that kind, warm smile Style is throwing Fadel, Style's comments about chains and whips and using the complimentary gifts weren't actually meant as genuine seduction. No, I think that was Style's way of saying Hey, I'm not upset with you for chaining me to the bed, I'm not holding that against you. But would you please just drop the act and stop pushing me away all the time?

But Fadel grabs his chin and tells no, he will not be dropping the act: "Didn’t you say you’re tired? I bet it’s because you run your mouth too much. Shut up and go to sleep." Style smiles at Fadel again towards the end of Fadel's new rejection, but that smile falls as soon as Fadel walks away.

And I don't think it's because Style is frustrated that he won't be getting laid that evening after all. I think Style is genuinely disappointed that Fadel continues to push him away like that, that Fadel keeps on being stubborn and refusing to communicate and engage with Style no matter how clear Style makes it that he's not holding a grudge about anything that happened that day, from the drugging to the kidnapping to the attempted murder to the blue-balling. And in addition I think Style is also a little hurt that Fadel won't just trust him at least a little bit and hurt that Fadel keeps acting so distant and stand-offish. Style just wants his boyfriend back.

No. 3: Deliver A Message

Now this scene is interesting because it left some people confused from what I've seen. Is Style being serious with his crying or not? Is he playing Fadel? Especially with the upbeat music that was put in the background at the beginning of the scene. There's another reason why I think this particular scene is confusing (and which was the reason why it confused me in the beginning as well), but that's a topic for a whole separate post. (Side note: While I was still working on this meta, I actually ended up getting an anon about this crying scene and sooo this "separate post" might actually follow at some point, even if I hadn't been planning on actually writing it when I was typing the previous sentence. Stay tuned.) I think multiple readings of this scene can co-exist, but for now I just wanna share what I personally think is happening in this scene.

First and foremost let me just say that I don't think Style is necessarily playing Fadel. If anything, he may be playing the drama up a bit like he tends to do, because that's simply just his personality. He has a tendency to be a bit more dramatic then necessary. But even if he is playing it up, I think it absolutely comes from a genuine place. After all, Style is only human and he has had quite an eventful day. Let's recap...

The day started with Style showing up at the hospital, already antsy because he couldn't reach Kant which was worrisome especially in the context of Fadel's threatening warning of "the two of us have business to finish with the two of you" from the night before. So Style shows up at the hospital, only to find out that his best friend was kidnapped by an actual assassin who is very capable of murdering Kant (Style doesn't know Bison as well as he knows Fadel, so Style has no way to tell whether Bison loves Kant enough to spare Kant's life the way Style can tell with Fadel). And immediately after that he gets ambushed and drugged, which absolutely is a traumatizing thing to go through and certainly must have had some effect on Style, if just subconsciously. Then, he finds himself tied up naked at a pool, which again, would generally be a traumatizing situation to find yourself in, especially when someone you know is very capable of taking other people's lives comes and continuously waves a gun into your face. And yes, by now Style knows Fadel pretty well and so he didn't feel too threatened, but Fadel was also really angry and Fadel also did punch Style in the gut that one time when Style was overly confident that Fadel liked him enough not to harm him. And I think, even if on a surface level Style didn't feel too threatened by Fadel (because Style has learned to read him) on a subconscious level the knowledge that Fadel certainly could and would shoot at any moment if he got too angry is still there. And right at the end of that scene there was a point where Style was genuinely scared for his life. Again, that's pretty traumatizing. And then he spent all day in a tight space with someone who is angry at him and keeps pointing a gun on him. And then he got chained again. And got pushed away by his boyfriend over and over again. Style is only human. And it makes complete sense for all the emotions that he repressed while he was playing it cool in order to get through these traumatizing events to come bubbling up to a surface level now at night where he finally gets to rest.

Lying there, in bed, at night, about to fall asleep, his brain is finally not busy with keeping him alive anymore. His brain finally has the time and the opportunity to process everything that has happened in the last 24ish hours. And as he is lying there in bed his brain is probably playing back everything that has happened and is coming up with a lot of "what if" scenarios. What if Fadel had actually killed him at the pool? What if Fadel will actually kill him in the future just like he actually did punch him in the storage room when Style was confident that he wouldn't? Style's death would come with consequences. We've already heard and seen a lot about Style's loving relationship with his dad and it's no wonder Style thinks of him now. Because Style's death would hurt his dad a lot. Style's dad already lost the mother of his son, now he might lose his only son too? The only family member left in his immediate family? If Style does get murdered, he doesn't wanna die without saying goodbye to his dad. And the only person who would be able to deliver that goodbye message is his own murderer.

I don't think Style meant to cry in the beginning. I do think he was fairly serious in the beginning, but I don't think he was planning on crying about it. It's only when he remembers his mother that it triggers the need to cry, only when he suddenly arrives at his own grief and his own trauma about his mother's death that the tears start flowing. And in my opinion those are real, genuine tears. We've seen Style fake-cry before, we know what his performative crying looks like. Style is a terrible fake-crier and we saw this in episode 4 when he showed up at the Rise Up group meeting for the first time and "cried" about his dog. The crying in the motel bed? Is very far from that.

And it's not just us, the viewers, who know what Style's fake crying looks like. Fadel was at that support group meeting too. Fadel also knows how Style fake-cries. And so when Style starts to cry, Fadel can tell the difference. And it has an effect on him. Except he doesn't really know how to deal with this situation, because Style crying hadn't been part of his plans of kidnapping and killing Style, hadn't been part of his plans to push Style as far away again as possible. And so he awkwardly asks "Are you crying?" (I think a different way to phrase this question would also be "You're crying?") And Style replies in honesty: "Duh. I know I talk all big, but even I am afraid of death."

In the last 24ish hours Style got to feel genuine fear for his life and Style doesn't want to die. He is not suicidal. And yes, he is cocky and confident, sometimes overly so and yes, despite all the threats to his life Style simply went about his day as if it's nothing, but as I said, Style still went through a few traumatizing situations in a very short period of time. Of course, it all had an affect on him. Of course part of him would be afraid. Style is human after all. He is human and he is feeling emotions. And he would really need some comfort right now.

Except all he gets is a "stop being dramatic" and an "I don't wanna listen". So Style turns away from Fadel and cries alone in the little corner of privacy he can get in the shared bed that he is currently chained to and can't leave. Style can neither see nor hear nor feel the hand Fadel is reaching out to him, is unaware of just how much Fadel is longing to give him that comfort Style so desperately needs before Fadel's mind wins over his heart and makes him pull back again.

No. 4: Road Trip Time

It's the next day, Style has rested and from what we can see Fadel has also stopped waving a gun into Style's face almost 24/7. Style is clearly having a blast driving through the country. However, the car is tried now and refuses to continue on. Turns out the radiator is broken. Fadel mocks Style for being a bad mechanic and instead of taking offense, Style comes back with sass and a Harry Potter reference and mimics shooting Fadel. Remember the "Style + guns" counter from last episode's meta? I know, I know, here in this case it's supposed to be a wand and not a gun, but especially with the sound effect the whole thing is quite reminiscent of a gun shot, so I'm counting it. Our "Style + guns" counter is now at 4.

There is no phone signal, so they have no way of calling for help. Style tells Fadel off for insisting on taking a short cut and Fadel brings up the police. Style responds: "What are you worrying about? I told you I wouldn’t run. What do I have to do for you to trust me?" Fun fact, his literal wording when he says "What are you worrying about" is actually "What are you afraid of?" or "What are you scared of?":

มึงกลัวอะไรอ่ะ [mueng - gluua - àrai - àh] you - fear, be scared of - what - [particle]

What I love about this is that Style doesn't let Fadel's verbal stabs dampen his good mood too much. He doesn't respond in anger and he's not really annoyed. In fact, when he tells Fadel that he's not running away, he even sounds a bit amused. And when he asks "What do I have to do for you to trust me?", it's not a verbal stab back at Fadel but it's a genuine question. Style honestly wants to know. Fadel tells him "I can no longer trust a single word that comes out of your mouth."

Style smiles and shakes his head in a mix of amusement (because of course Fadel would say that) and exasperation (because Style is getting quite tired of being back at square one and having to go through all the steps again). Style doesn't fight Fadel, though, and instead asks him what he wants to do. However, there is a bit of a bite to his voice, especially in the last sentence when he asks Fadel what he plans to do if now, wait for a car to pass by or what? He patiently waits for Fadel's reply. When Fadel tells Style to push the car, Style is obviously not very into that idea but instead of resisting by starting a fight he starts getting over-dramatic about potentially passing out, about the hot weather, about being hungry and so on. Look how poor I am, have some mercy on me. Fadel is unimpressed. He tells Style to stop whining and reminds him that he currently has just one good hand. Style yields, but not without sassing Fadel first: "I’ll just die of exhaustion before I ever meet your bullet." Fadel brushes past him to get into the driver's seat (I'm assuming to control the wheels of the car while Style is pushing?) and Style walks behind the car and starts pushing while they continue to bicker.

We don't know how long Style was pushing the car for, but it must have been a while because when Style asks for a break, the road is no longer made of asphalt like it was when the car broke down. Fadel doesn't talk back when Style wants to take a break, instead he wordlessly steps out of the car and lets him have it. On the way to the back of the car, Fadel pulls a paper bag and a water bottle out of his backpack and goes to lean against the trunk of the car while taking a sip. Style eyes the water bottle and Fadel notices. After a moment of hesitation, Fadel somewhat begrudgingly holds the water out to Style. Style doesn't immediately take it, but instead throws Fadel a look, checking if Fadel really is letting him have some water. Style only grabs the bottle after Fadel explicitly tells him to take it. Style obeys and immediately starts teasing Fadel: "Thought you’d let me die of thirst. Either a hitman like you still have his humanity, or you’re in love with me." Despite talking big about killing Style and shoving a gun into his face on multiple occasions, Fadel still cares about Style and his well-being and Style knows it. After the teasing words are out of Style's mouth, he attentively observes Fadel's reaction because he also knows Fadel would never admit to this out loud:

While Style is talking, Fadel turns around to grab some food out of the paper bag. When he turns back he makes a face at Style's words, then wordlessly leans back against the trunk again and takes a bite, ignoring Style completely. Style eyes the snack in Fadel's hands. Then he says: "You’re well prepared, huh? To think you packed snacks and drinks."

I personally think that Style wasn't just thirsty, but also hungry. He did do some physical work under the heat of the sun, after all. I think his words were an implicit prompt for Fadel to not just share his water, but also his food. But Fadel doesn't share, he just responds with "I am always well prepared. I have plans for everything". It's kinda funny he's saying this because it's not like Style was even given the chance to prepare for a trip in the first place. It's not like Style showed up at the hospital with a bag full of travel essentials in anticipation of getting kidnapped and going on an impromptu road trip.

Fadel continues with a stab at Style: "If it wasn’t for you and your friend, my brother and I would have had our long-awaited break already." Style almost rolls his eyes. He's so over this. What happened, happened and there's no way to change the past. All you can do is go forward from there. "Let it go. Shouldn’t you be looking forward to the future? Focus on the future. Let go of your grudge. What good would a grudge do—" Style doesn't get further than that because suddenly there is a bun in his mouth. And just in case the message isn't clear enough, Fadel also explicitly tells him to shut up. Style complains about Fadel's methods. "Couldn’t you have been more gentle?" This is actually funnier to me in Thai:

If you want to feed me, you can feed me gently. No need to be so forceful. มึงอยากป้อนมึงป้อนเบาๆ ได้��ม่ต้องแรงเลย [mueng - yàak - bpôn - mueng - bpôn - bao bao - dâai - mâi - dtông - raeng - loiie] you - want - feed - you - feed - gently - can - not - need - harsh - [particle]

The bun did not manage to shut Style up, on the contrary. Style just keeps talking. "I’m getting paranoid, though. We broke down in the middle of the woods. This is just like the beginning of a horror film. A murderer is gonna come after us in a minute." Fadel gently reminds him of his request to shut up: "The first to get murdered would be a yapper like you." Again, I wanna share my own translations of this bickering (Fadel's line specifically), because it amuses me how Fadel is more or less continuing Style's sentence but turns it against him:

S: A murderer will come and kill us any second now. อีกแป๊บนึงก็จะมีฆาตกรมาฆ่าพวกเรา [ìik bpáep nueng - gôh - jà mii - kâat-dtà-gon - maa - kâa - pûuak rao] in a moment - [sentence link] - will be - murderer - come - kill - us F: And will kill a yapper like you first. แล้วก็จะฆ่าคนพูดมากอย่างมึงเป็นคนแรก [láew gôh - jà - kâa - kon pûut mâak - yàang - mueng - bpen kon râek] and - will - kill - person who talks a lot - like - you - as the first person

I think by now everyone's made fun of Style for being afraid of a murderer when there is an actual murderer right by his side, but the thing is, it is quite interesting how fear is becoming a theme for Style this episode, something that @secriden goes into in this post. Something else she also points out is how Style not only worries about getting murdered himself, but also about Fadel getting murdered too:

[I]t's interesting how Style talks about being afraid of dying generally and specifically how harm could come to them from an external source. How the way his fear is orientated puts Fadel on the inside ("a murderer is gonna come after us"), on Style's side and someone Style wants to keep safe. And when Fadel makes the kind of snide joke about letting the hypothetical cannibals kill and cook Style, Style's solution still involves staying by Fadel's side. At no point does he ever stop referring to Fadel and him as a single unit, even after Fadel very explicitly frames Style as the only victim.

In this moment though, Style isn't actually afraid of a hypothetical murderer suddenly jumping out of the woods to kill them both. So when Fadel responds with one of his usual comments that show how much he "dislikes" Style, Style lets it go and instead continues a different fight: he doesn't wanna keep pushing the car. He did it to humor Fadel, but there really is no point in continuing to push a broken car through the middle of nowhere. Fadel refuses to leave his car. Style starts talking him into leaving it there for now and coming back for it. Fadel threatens Style once again: "If my car was stolen, not only would I kill you, I’d take a car from your garage." Style is very unimpressed by this threat. "Take it. Take them all. You own my life."

Fun fact, this is the literal translation of when he says the "own my life" part:

You already have control over my life. มึง��็คุมชีวิตกูอยู่แล้วนี่ [mueng - gôh - kum - chii-wít guu - yùu - láew - nîi] you - [sentence link] - (have) control - my life - [aux] - already - [interjection]

It's interesting, because being in control of something doesn't necessarily mean you own it. Style's life is still very much his own, but he's willing to give it all to Fadel: "Take my cars, my body, my heart. Take everything." And yes, he is mostly sassing Fadel with these words, but there is also a certain seriousness to it. Fadel can have especially Style's body and Style's heart. Fadel can have 100% of Style. Style has made that decision long ago and he's still set on it, despite or maybe even especially because of everything that has happened since. Style's body and Style's heart are entirely free for Fadel to take. It's a sincere offer and it's on Fadel to take it up. Fadel stares at Style in an attempt to figure him out. Then he goes to get his backpack, walks back over to Style and grabs the water bottle out of his hands and then starts walking down the path. Style follows as soon as he realizes that Fadel is listening to Style's suggestion of leaving the car there for now.

No. 5: Murder House

Again we don't really know how much time has passed but at some point Fadel and Style find a house. Style makes a joke about a cannibal family living inside and while I doubt he actually believed in the cannibal family, I do think he's a lot more anxious now than he was about the hypothetical murderer by the car. Fadel replies with a joke of his own to really underline his alleged disdain for Style: "Good. I’ll ask them to cook you. I’m getting hungry." Style doesn't think it's funny and says "Don’t say that. It’s scary." Fun fact, in Thai Style doesn't just imply that he's scared by calling the situation/the thought of a cannibal family scary but he explicitly says that he's scared:

I'm scared for real. กูกลัวจริงนะเว้ย [guu - gluua - jing - ná wóiie] I - be scared - true, (for) real - [particle]

His anxiety gets even more apparent when he suggests returning to the road. Fadel doesn't believe in Style's creative imaginations but does tell him that if a murderer actually shows up he'll shoot them. Then Fadel pulls out his gun just in case (and potentially also to make Style feel more protected) and starts walking towards the house. Style follows, not very reassured. We can tell that his anxiety has grown from the way how at the beginning of the scene Style and Fadel were walking side by side and Style was walking even slightly in front of Fadel but when they walk up to the house Style is now walking behind Fadel instead:

They make their way towards the front door and Fadel knocks and calls out to someone inside. There's no answer. Style is getting more anxious by the minute and urges Fadel to leave: "Hey, it’s not too late to turn back." Fadel ignores him and starts knocking and calling again. There is still no answer. Style hates it. "This is getting scary," he says and I think that this is the point where his growing anxiety turns into genuine fear. Fadel pulls at the door which actually opens up. "What are you doing?" Style asks and his voice sounds really stressed now. Fadel walks inside the house without hesitation. Style immediately follows, but scolds Fadel for trespassing. Style would rather be anywhere else right now than here. Fadel turns his head to Style and says "I don't care." Or rather he says:

You think I'm scared? แล้วมึงคิดว่ากูกลัวป่ะ [láew - mueng - kít - wâa - guu - gluua - bpà] and - you - think - that - I - (be) scared - ?

Style swallows. Fadel continues to call out for someone. Style squints at him. He wants to leave. Suddenly a baseball comes down the stairs. Style jumps and yells. Fadel's hand goes to his gun, ready to pull it any moment. A second later the baseball is followed by a guy who is being chased by another guy brandishing the bat to that baseball. The first guy goes to hide behind Style and with that Fadel and Style find themselves in the middle of a domestic argument. The baseball guy, Popcorn, yells at his partner for a bit and then moves to attack him with the bat. Despite Style's initial fear walking up to the house, instead of shaking the guy off and getting out of the way he reacts by acting as a human shield, putting his arms out in a conciliatory gesture and suggesting to talk it out over using violence. Somewhere in this series there is a point to be made about Style having a tendency to act like a mediator (when he's not actively picking the fight himself) and if I wasn't so busy with uni assignments and my meta series, that would certainly be a meta post I'd be looking into making.

It's only when Style starts speaking that it fully registers for Popcorn that there are currently random people standing in his house. He starts asking who they are and how they got into his house and Style stutters, completely overwhelmed by the situation and certainly not any less afraid. Before Style has managed to form a proper thought Popcorn accuses them of being his partner's side bits. This immediately has Style stressed again and he yells "no" over and over again. Popcorn isn't convinced and goes for another attack with the baseball bat. It's a bit unclear whether Popcorn had planned to attack only one of them or maybe all three of them but either way, the way Style was standing he definitely would have been the first in line to get hit. Fadel pulls his gun even before Popcorn has managed to take a swing at Style. Style stops yelling and stares at the gun in shock. Popcorn drops his bat on the spot and retreats back to the stairs. His partner comes out from his hiding spot behind Style to follow Popcorn. Together they attempt to scramble up the stairs. Style stands still, completely frozen in place, staring at the gun for a few seconds until he finally turns his head to the stairs to watch the odd pair get away from the gun.

I think there are multiple factors to Style's shock here: his anxiety had already started even before they'd entered the house and it only grew from there. Then, Popcorn and Jimmy's appearance hit them both out of nowhere and Style really got roped into it even more than Fadel did with Jimmy grabbing Style first to use him as a human shield and then Popcorn also almost assaulting Style with a baseball bat. I think part of Style freezing is the left-over shock from Jimmy and Popcorn's initial attacks. It all happens very quickly, after all. In fact, Fadel's gun is out before Style has even had the time to properly process the fact that he was about to die by baseball bat. And so I think part of Style staring at the gun is him reacting to Fadel's movement in general and then Style's brain using the sudden break in action to catch up with everything that was happening in the last couple of seconds. Wait, I'm being attacked with a baseball bat. Wait, there is a movement next to me. Wait, the baseball bat attack stopped. Wait, there is a gun. Wait, the attackers are gone. Wait, the gun was protecting me. Wait, what are these two weirdos doing, where are these two weirdos going.

Style's eyes widen a bit as he turns his head to watch Popcorn and Jimmy scramble up the stairs and he doesn't look that shocked anymore or even terrified. He squints his eyes a little and it looks like he's he's in thought, like he's trying to figure something out.

And I think there are a number of things he's trying to figure out. Like, what the fuck to make of Jimmy and Popcorn. Who the fuck those weirdos are, where the fuck they came from, and where the fuck they are going again. Why the fuck they attacked Fadel and Style, but especially Style like this. In the above gif I think Style's brain has finally finished processing what has just happened, is finally all caught up and I think Style actually isn't all that afraid of the gun in this moment because he does realize that the gun did just save him (them) from dying by baseball bat a moment ago. And Fadel did say earlier that he would shoot anyone trying to murder Style (them).

And another thing that I think Style is trying to figure out is whether Jimmy and Popcorn's lives are in danger now with Fadel's gun on them. When Style's eyes widen it's almost as if he's thinking Wait, I just nearly died and Fadel protected me from them and when he squints his eyes it's like Who are these people? Is Fadel actually gonna shoot them now? Do I have to go from worrying about being killed by them to worrying about them being killed?

No. 6: Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Fadel doesn't shoot them. Instead, he has Style tie them to the piano. I do think it's kinda funny how Fadel tells Style "If you’re done, go look for what you need. Hurry up" and Style just nods and sits down on the sofa instead. So much for hurrying up.

Popcorn starts lamenting his pain dramatically. Neither Style nor Fadel are in the mood to listen to a domestic quarrel. Popcorn goes on and on about how Jimmy cheated on him and Jimmy says "They all meant nothing to me". In Thai he actually says:

They were just people I was chatting with. มันก็แค่คนคุย [man - gôh - kâe - kon kui] he/she/they - just - people one chats with

I asked my friend about คนคุย [kon kui] and he explained it to me as "someone you talk to/flirt with (but something serious is not (yet) happening)". So the original is much more vague about how deep Jimmy's betrayal really runs. There's a chance that Jimmy actually did cheat on Popcorn, but there's also a chance that Jimmy was just talking to them without the intent of having a thing with them and Popcorn just took it the wrong way and made a big deal out of it. Personally, my guess is Jimmy did do something for Popcorn to have a legit reason to be hurt, because later Jimmy does talk about trying his best and having been lost, but I also think he might not be as much of a (serial?) cheater as Popcorn is making him out to be in his anger.

Jimmy assures Popcorn that he is serious with Popcorn, but Popcorn doesn't believe him and cries "You were never serious with me! You made me fall for you and then betrayed me". Don't mind me putting the Thai wording here. It will be relevant later (and also don't worry about the orange bit for now, this will also be explained later).

You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. มึงอ่ะมาหลอกให้กูรักกูหลง มึงก็ทำยังเงี้ย [mueng - àh - maa - lòhk - hâi - guu - rák - guu - lŏng • mueng - gôh - tam - yang-ngíia] you - [particle] - come - trick, deceive - that - I - love - I - be crazy about • you - [sentence link] - do - like this

And this is the moment when Fadel throws Style a look. Style turns his head to look at Fadel as well. Message received.

Jimmy begs for Popcorn's forgiveness but Popcorn is still too upset and in his anger cries out: "The likes of you don’t deserve second chances. The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!" I'm gonna share a more literal translation again:

There are no chances for bad people. โอกาส​มันไม่ได้​มีไว้สำหรับ​คนเลว [oh-gàat - man - mâi dâai - mii - wái - săm-ràp - kon leow] chance - it - not - have - keep - for - bad people People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die! คนที่หลอกให้คนอื่นรัก สมควรให้ตายไปให้หมด [kon - tîi - lòhk - hâi - kon èun - rák • sŏm-kuuan - hâi - dtaai bpai hâi mòt] people - that - trick - that - others - love • deserve - that - die - all

It's no wonder that this is the thing that makes Fadel, who knows a thing or two about being tricked into loving someone, get up and offer a free kill. Style immediately jumps to his feet and reaches out an arm to Fadel in order to pacify him and to stop him from killing Jimmy. Because Style knows full well that Fadel is perfectly capable of doing so without batting and eye. And again we see Style take on the role of a mediator. Popcorn backs down and admits he was just being dramatic and doesn't actually want his partner to die. But for Fadel it's personal: "But he lied to you." Or Thai he says:

But he deceived you. แต่มันหลอกคุณนะ [dtàe - man - lòhk - kun - ná] but - he - deceive, trick - you - [particle]

Fadel points out the tricking part specifically and again we as well as Style get a hint about what exactly Fadel has been upset about and it ain't the snitching to the police. We aren't shown Style's reaction here but I think it's safe to assume he heard Fadel's words loud and clear considering he is standing right next to Fadel. Popcorn tries to calm Fadel down again by explaining they argue all the time and repeating that he doesn't actually want his partner to die. Fadel looks at them, his expression serious, his gun still pointed. Style observes Fadel carefully, watching his every move:

I think Style is very much afraid in this moment. But I don't think he's afraid of Fadel, I think he's afraid for him. And afraid for the people in front of them. After all, Style doesn't want others to be harmed. We see this over and over again in the way he threw himself into the fight at the host club before he knew Fadel was perfectly capable of fighting for himself, we see this in the way Style grabbed the gun at the bowling alley and pointed it at the shooter to keep him from doing any more harm than he had already caused and we see it now in the way Style immediately jumps to his feet, arm stretched out towards Fadel to try his best to interfere at any second if need may be. Style is afraid for Jimmy and Popcorn, because he knows full well their lives are in actual danger. And Style is afraid for Fadel, because he also knows how much pain this assassin life has caused him and he wants Fadel to quit for his (Fadel's, that is) own well-being. And Fadel's well being is something that is deeply important to Style. Style implicitly told Fadel to quit killing in episode 5 already and later this episode he will explicitly tell Fadel to quit killing again. And every shot that Fadel takes is a step in the wrong direction.

And another aspect that comes to play here is that Style is afraid of dying. This episode has been dealing with Style's very real fear and this fear has taken form in different ways: We started with Style being afraid of his own death by Fadel's hand (last episode for a moment at the pool, this episode when he was crying in the motel bed), then we saw him being afraid of his own death by someone else's hand (the fictional murderer that his mind kept imaging) and now we see him afraid of someone else's death. And yes, the first two were about Style's own death, so why would he be afraid dying now when this situation is about someone else's death, not his own? The thing is, though... Is it really? Is this really about someone else's death? Because the person Fadel is about to kill is Style's mirror. Who is to say that after Fadel has taken care of Style's mirror his emotions won't get the better of him and he'll turn around and shoot the real Style in his hurt, too, while he's at it? So Style doesn't take his eyes off from Fadel, because his own life is still at stake too and how Fadel acts now will give Style a hint about how determined Fadel still is to kill him.

But then Jimmy suddenly changes course. He is willing to accept death if it means Popcorn will be safe. Style is still standing there with his arm halfway up, still tense, still ready to jump into action if Fadel pulls the trigger while Jimmy goes into a plea for Popcorn's life. Jimmy ends it by announcing that he loves Popcorn, which is yet another sore point for Fadel. "If you love him, why did you fool him?" Fun fact, Fadel is so pissed that he actually uses rude pronouns with Jimmy:

ถ้ามึงรักเขามึงจะหลอกเขาทำไม [tâa - mueng - rák - kăo - meung - jà - lòhk - kăo - tam-mai] if - you - love - him - you - will - trick, deceive - him - why

Also, this time we do get to see Style's reaction to Fadel's words:

I think Style partly throws Fadel that look because he is still afraid that Fadel is so angry that he might actually kill Jimmy and is ready to interfere at any time and part of that look is Style taking in and piecing together what exactly Fadel is and has been upset about. During this entire conversation it's always been the topic of loving and tricking and tricking into loving that Fadel's had the strongest emotional response to. That's what Fadel is upset about.

Jimmy doesn't reply to Fadel, doesn't explain himself. Instead he turns to Popcorn and goes into a heartfelt apology. The two of them bicker for a bit. Style's has lowered his arm even more now, but it's still in perfect position to make a grab at Fadel any second if need may be. He checks on Fadel again when Jimmy asks Popcorn to let Fadel shoot him if Popcorn doesn't believe that Jimmy's love is true. The husbands-to-be bicker some more and then Jimmy dramatically offers himself up as a sacrifice again, orders Fadel to shoot him. Fadel clenches his jaw. He knows he can't. He looks over at Style. Style is staring at Fadel intently, observing him, watching him carefully.

And again, I think this stare is about both, checking whether Fadel is still gonna go in for the kill and also Style trying to read Fadel, trying to figure out where Fadel is at emotionally when it comes to his own relationship with Style. Style is actively in the process of piecing together what exactly he's done to make Fadel hurt this much and to make Fadel want to kill him. And I think at this point here, Style is no longer as terrified of a potential murder happening right in front of his eyes the way he was when Fadel had initially pulled the gun on Jimmy.

Speaking of Style's fear, a couple of days ago I saw a post in the tags where someone was asking why Fadel pulling a gun on him was hot to Style but suddenly when Fadel is pulling the gun on other people it's an issue and since this meta series is THE Style manifesto I figure I should maybe write a paragraph about that too. When Style is at the other end of the gun it's hot, because Style is 99% sure Fadel won't actually kill him, won't kill him specifically. But when Fadel is pointing the gun at other people, Style can't be so sure. After all, this is Fadel's profession, this is what he specializes in. Fadel does this on the regular and Style is very well aware of it. The thing is, Style doesn't actually want others to be harmed. We see this over and over again when Style goes and helps people, when Style acts like a mediator in situations. Only last episode Style told Kant that love can turn a bad guy good and I think that's ultimately what he wants for Fadel. For Fadel to quit the job, to stop killing people, to turn "good" for Style and also for himself (putting "good" in quotation marks, because to Style, Fadel is a good person already as he reveals later in the bathtub). Style has already suggested Fadel quits the job even back in episode 5 when Fadel opened up about his parents' murder and about not wanting a relationship in order not to cause trouble to anyone. Style is cool with Fadel pulling a gun on him if no harm is done, but he is not cool with Fadel pulling a gun on others if harm could be done. And at the end of the day Style is also not cool with Fadel pulling a gun on him either, if Style's own life is in actual danger from that. We saw as much by the pool and we saw it again this episode when Fadel was about to kill Style's mirror.

Another thing I find truly fascinating about this scene is how Popcorn and Jimmy are clear parallels to Fadel and Style, but not in the way one might expect. We have Popcorn, the loud and overdramatic one and then we have Jimmy, the calm and collected one. We have Style, the loud and overdramatic one and then we have Fadel, the calm and collected one. You'd think Popcorn would be a parallel for Style and Jimmy would be a parallel for Fadel, but psyche! The calm and collected Fadel relates to the loud and overdramatic Popcorn's problem while the loud and overdramatic Style relates to the calm and collected Jimmy's problems. I think there are various interpretations possible as to why that is. One thing I'd like to think is that Popcorn's loud whirlwind emotions are a representation of how Fadel is quietly feeling inside but would never ever let out in any way, because his walls are that far up. And then we have Jimmy, who did something wrong, but is so serious and sincere in his love for Popcorn, in his longing for Popcorn's forgiveness and in his desire to be with Popcorn, to get married to Popcorn. And as loud and overdramatic Style can sometimes be, Style is completely serious about his love for Fadel and his decision to be with him no matter what. It's not a joke to Style. And Style, too, is longing for that forgiveness, is longing to go back to being happy and in love, is longing to get 100% of Fadel's trust. Fadel has told him before that Style had 80% of his trust, but with the betrayal those 80% have taken a significant dip down. But Style is still serious about wanting those 100% and so he will work his way back up again.

Side note: Another thing I was thinking about was how Jimmy was so willing to take the bullet if it meant keeping Popcorn safe and it just has me wonder if Style will be taking a bullet to keep Fadel safe.

No. 7: Do You Hear the Wedding Bells

Instead of going for a kill, Fadel lets Popcorn and Jimmy have their wedding. Style officiates while Fadel hides in a corner, watching everything from a distance. Style, believer in the power of love, is very happy for Jimmy and Popcorn. He watches with joy as they exchange rings and what I love about this is how Style's joy has such a calm, grounded energy to it. Style prompts the happy couple to kiss and I am absolutely convinced that his laughter when Popcorn jumps Jimmy and Jimmy carries him towards the wall is all Dunk, not Style. Then Style turns his head and looks at Fadel. He is presented with an image of Fadel quietly laughing at this couple's joy and passion and happiness. Fadel then turns his head towards Style as well, but immediately looks away when he meets Style's eyes and his laughter fades.

Remember how in last episode's meta I said:

And it's just veeeery interesting that Style asks Fadel to marry him for the second episode in a row. If it happens again next episode, I'm calling it. But for now, let's wait and see 👀

Well... We didn't get a FadelStyle marriage proposal, but Style's mirror saying "You and I are getting married" to Fadel's mirror? And then the Style and Fadel mirrors actually getting married? With Style officiating the wedding? That's three episodes in a row with a wedding reference in connection to Fadel and Style. Episode 6 with the untranslatable pun, episode 7 with Style's proposal prank, now episode 8 with an actual wedding. Three is a pattern, no? Style may not have uttered the words "Will you marry me" to Fadel this episode, but I'm calling it anyway. These two are so getting married by the end of the series, aren't they...

(Also, sorry for writing so few words about this scene. I don't have words, I only have Big Emotions.)

No. 8: Dinners and Dancing

It's night time now and the four of them are having a nice wedding dinner. Style makes friendly conversation as usual, while Fadel sits there and barely socializes. Jimmy brags about his husband's cooking skills, and Style immediately responds with a brag of his own because his own boyfriend is just as good as cooking. And this time around I think the boyfriend drop is a lot more deliberate than it was at the beginning of the episode, because this time around he actually emphasizes it a little. The word "faen" is the word he stresses the most in the sentence. Then he turns to Fadel and teasingly compliments him: "His burgers are to die for." In Thai, what he says word for word is "make very delicious burgers":

ทำเบอร์เกอร์อร่อยมาก [tam - ber-gêr - à-ròi - mâak] make - burger - delicious - very

Note how there is no pronoun in this sentence. That means, the sentence can be taken either as "He makes very delicious burgers" because Style was just talking to Jimmy and this sentence is still addressed to Jimmy or the sentence could be taken as "You make very delicious burgers" from the way Style is saying this sentence directly to Fadel's face. You hear that? That's you. You're my faen that makes delicious burgers. I love you. Fadel scrunches his eyebrows, skeptical and confused. Style smiles brightly, grabs a spoonful of food and offers to feed it to Fadel. Unlike Fadel earlier that day, Style actually does feed him gently. In fact, he doesn't force the food nor the caring gesture onto Fadel. He holds out the spoon and once again waits for Fadel to go along of his own free will which Fadel awkwardly does after a moment of hesitation. Then, Style goes back to making friendly conversation and we get a bit of backstory about how Popcorn and Jimmy used to live in the city as salarymen and then came to live on a farm because Jimmy loves nature. Style finds in romantic that Popcorn left his good life for a more difficult farm life. Fadel still holds a grudge and asks Jimmy why he cheated when Popcorn had done all of that for him. Jimmy says it's only human to get lost sometimes and that he's come back home in the end. This has Fadel even more pissed. He bangs his fist onto the table so forcefully that it jumpscares Style right next to him. "Only because you take him for granted," Fadel snarls. Popcorn awkwardly says he's already forgiven Jimmy and Style puts his hand on Fadel's hand to calm him down. Fadel looks at Style and Style gives him a little bit of a nod, as if to say Hey, it's okay. You can let it go. You don't need to settle this argument for them. Fadel leans back into his chair, resigned.

Jimmy changes the topic and asks where Fadel and Style are going and Style immediately has a believable answer ready. "We’re heading south. Kinda hoped it was going to be a romantic road trip date." And let me just share a more literal translation about the road trip, because he shamelessly and also very deliberately this time throws around the word boyfriend again:

I wanted to go on a road trip with my boyfriend. พอดีตั้งใจจะมาขับรถเล่นกับแฟนนะครับ [poh dii - dtâng-jai - jà - maa - kàp rót lên - gàp - faen - ná - kráp] because - intend to - will - come - drive for fun - with - boyfriend - [particle] - [particle]

When Style says the word boyfriend, he turns his head and pointedly says "faen" directly into Fadel's face. Because he still considers Fadel his boyfriend, whether Fadel likes it or not. After all, they've never officially broken up. And no, multiple death threats that have involved an actual a gun do not count as a break-up as far as Style is concerned. Not if he still has any say in it. Because their relationship is that serious to him. Because from the moment they started dating, their relationship was never fake to him. Fadel squints his eyes. Popcorn then asks how they met and Style tells them: "I was kinda dared into taking him out, but then I actually fell for him." And again, just a little correction on the whole "I was dared to" part:

It started with me deceitfully flirting with him. มันเริ่มจากผมไปหลอกจีบเขาครับ [man - rêrm - jàak - pŏm - bpai - lòhk - jìip - kăo - kráp] it - start - from - I - go - deceive, trick - flirt - him - [particle]

Nowhere in the way Style phrased it does it say who thought of the idea of the fake flirting. Nowhere does it say whether someone else made him do it or whether it was Style's own idea. Style isn't putting the blame on someone else and in a way is actually even kinda making himself look bad here since it could be taken as Style having come up with the scheme by himself. Popcorn and Jimmy don't know that there are two other guys involved in this story. Popcorn says "Such is love, isn’t it?" and Style turns to look at Fadel for a moment who meets his eyes. Popcorn then continues with "It can start from deceit, but it zigzags its way into something beautiful at the end." Style turns to Fadel again, throwing him a very pointed look. Something beautiful, huh? Did you hear that? Fadel pointedly ignores Style and his pointed look. The newlywed husbands discuss the natural process of a relationship – bickering, fighting, boning. This greatly amuses Style and he looks at Fadel again. In fact, he stares at Fadel for several seconds until Fadel finally properly looks at him. And that's when Style raises an eyebrow at him. Well?

And it's fun, because the scene started out with Fadel doing a thing with his eyebrows and it ends with Style doing a thing with his eyebrows, almost like an answer.

Style's energy in this scene is very boyfriend-like. Fadel took a step back and withdrew at the presence of these two other people, and now that Style doesn't have to fend off Fadel constant stream of personal digs at him anymore, Style comfortably slips back into that boyfriend role. And it's not just that he's comfortable in this role, no, he is proud to be Fadel's boyfriend and proud to have Fadel as his boyfriend. Style brags about Fadel and his cooking skills and calls him his boyfriend to anyone who will listen. Style keeps Fadel in check when Fadel gets hotheaded and is absolutely up for going through the natural process of bickering-fighting-boning if Fadel is up for it as well. And most importantly, Style is simply just happy to be around him, happy to spend time with him. Style is proud of him and he is happy with him and he wants Fadel by his side. He means that choice from the bottom of his heart and so he will act accordingly. Especially now that he is finally starting to understand why exactly Fadel is hurting.

No. 9: Big Small Matters

The time for dinner is over and the time for dancing has started. Fadel and Style sit on the couch, they're watching the happy couple and especially Style is delighted at their happiness himself. After a while, Style turns to Fadel and says "Cute couple, aren’t they? Just like us". This is the third time this evening, a rather short time frame, that Style has made a reference to them being in a relationship (referring to Fadel as his "boyfriend" twice and now calling them a "couple"). And yes, he did blatantly refer to Fadel as his boyfriend when they were talking to the aunty at the motel too, but I think this time around Style is very deliberately and consciously doing so given his observations of Fadel earlier that day. They're a cute couple. Style means it. No joke. No trick.

Fadel is quiet for a moment, then says "We're not a couple". Definitely by sheer coincidence the song that Jimmy put on just happens to be about forgiveness and just happens to play the lyrics Just overlook what is trivial right before Fadel's reply. Style asks Fadel if he wasn't listening to the lyrics and quotes them back at him. Fadel is not amused: "You think what you did to me was 'trivial'?"

Now, the phrase that the song uses to say "trivial" is เล็กๆ น้อยๆ [lék lék nói nói] which word for word makes something like "small small little little". I asked my Thai language buddy if this word was like the word "Kleinigkeit" in German and he confirmed. There is no perfect English equivalent for the word "Kleinigkeit" but it basically means something like "small matter" or "little thing". Depending on the situation there could be other meanings that go along with it. For this context right here "no big deal" could even work in English. Now let me share what Fadel actually said:

You think that you deceiving me is no big deal? (lit. "is a small matter?" / "is small?") มึงคิดว่าเรื่องที่มึงมาหลอกกูเนี่ยมันเล็กๆ น้อยๆหรอ [mueng - kít wâa - rêuuang - tîi - mueng - maa - lòhk - guu - nîia - man - lék lék nói nói - rŏr] you - think that - thing, matter - that - you - come - deceive, trick - me - [particle] - it - small (matter), little (thing) - ?

Fadel uses the word หลอก [lòhk] here, which means "to trick" or "to deceive". That means, he doesn't just vaguely say "what you did to me" but he explicitly tells Style that the thing that has been bothering him is Style deceiving him, Style tricking him. By now you may have noticed a pattern to the orange color: The word หลอก [lòhk] comes up a lot this episode. I've bolded and marked this word orange all throughout this post so you can see just how many times and in which contexts this word is used. Style uses it during the dinner when he says "I was kinda dared into taking him out" (more literally: "It started with me deceitfully flirting with him"), Popcorn uses this word when he cries "The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!" (more literally: "People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die!") and Fadel uses the word when he says "But he lied to you. (more literally: "But he deceived you.") after Popcorn says he doesn't actually want Jimmy to be killed for real. And now Fadel uses it again to call Style out: "You think what you did to me was 'trivial'?" (more literally: "You think that you deceiving me is no big deal?").

Fadel is mad that Style tricked him, that Style deceived him. This much was already obvious from Fadel's emotional reactions to Popcorn and Jimmy's dispute, but now Style has explicit confirmation. This is where he needs to start working at if he wants to earn Fadel's forgiveness.

The newly-wed husbands walk over and invite them to dance, too. Style is up for it, but Fadel really doesn't want to. Style talks him into it and pulls him up. Reluctantly, Fadel gives in to Style just like he always does.

They dance a little, but at some point Style turns to Fadel, puts his hand on his shoulder, smiles, and tells him: "I know what I did wasn’t 'trivial.' But I’m ready to do anything to make you forgive me." Now for that first sentence you might think that in the Thai line Style repeats Fadel's words from earlier ("You think that you deceiving me is no big deal?") where Fadel used the word หลอก [lòhk] and you might think that Style would use it now, too. But actually, he does keep things more vague in the original itself as well:

I know that what I did was a big deal. (lit. "was no small matter" / "isn't a little thing") กูรู้นะเว้ยว่าเรื่องที่กูทำอ่ะ ไม่ใช่เรื่องเล็กๆ น้อยๆ [guu - rúu - ná wóiie - wâa - rêuuang - tîi - guu - tam - à • mâi châi - rêuuang - lék lék nói nói] I - know - [particle] - that - thing, matter - that - I - do - [particle] • not - thing, matter - small (matter), little (thing)

Maybe Style is referring not only to the fact that he tricked Fadel into loving him but also to how Fadel feels "cheated on" because he did end up falling for Style's (initially) insincere flirting, was head over heels in love with him only to find out Style wasn't his but was "the police's" and that the love wasn't real, was just a trick.

Or maybe there is something we don't yet know about? (Like, there is still the mysterious Boonterm mention from episode 3? Or, something that had COMPLETELY slipped my mind when I was writing my ep7 meta and so ended up writing something from a completely wrong perspective: Style has seen Keen before when he eavesdropped on Fadel and Keen's conversation and so in ep7 in the men's room it could also be taken as Style stopping Fadel from discovering Keen on purpose, which brings up the question... what's up with that????) Or maybe he just keeps it vague so that he can say it at a later point explicitly.

Anyway, so Style firmly tells Fadel that he knows he was in the wrong and that he's ready to do anything to earn Fadel's forgiveness and then pulls him into a hug while they continue to dance. This hug doesn't last very long, though, because next thing Fadel and Style know is that they're being attacked by Jimmy and Popcorn. Luckily, Style sees them in time and shouts Fadel's name in shock and to warn him. They both tumble down and Fadel has his gun out before they've even hit the couch. Fadel shoots into the air and while by now Style is very familiar with the image of Fadel pointing guns, this is the first time he's witnessed Fadel actually fire a shot (from a real gun, that is. Not a BB gun). A shot, that protected not only Fadel himself, but also Style. And while Style does still look at the gun for a moment again, he is nowhere near as frozen or worried as he was when Fadel pulled the gun on Popcorn and Jimmy the few instances earlier this episode.

For a second time that day, Fadel and Style tie up Popcorn and Jimmy. Style makes a comment about how he was off about the serial killer part but they were nearly killed by someone after all. Style's fear and anxiety from the day has proven to be justified. Fadel nags that Style trusts people to easily and that he's only interested in other people's love lives. Style doesn't see a problem with that: "I’m a hopeless romantic. Can’t help it that love stories touch me." Or in Thai:

I'm a romantic person. กูมันเป็นคนโรแมนติก [guu - man - bpen - kon roh-maen-dtìk] I - [marker] - be - romantic person I'm easily tricked by touching things. โดนหลอกด้วยอะไรซึ้งๆง่าย [dohn lòhk - dûuay - à-rai - séung séung - ngâai] be tricked, deceived - by, through - something - touching - easy

I just want to point out that Style uses the word หลอก [lòhk] here. Style gets tricked by romantic, touching things the same way as, you know, someone else in this room feels like he got tricked by romantic, touching things. It's like Style is saying What? Can you blame me? I, too, get tricked by love.

Fadel moves to remove the arm sling and Style goes to help him. Fadel lets him, doesn't block him. And I'm sure it was absolutely necessary for Style to put his arm around Fadel's shoulder like that for easier opening of the buckle. Duh. Style smiles a little as he slides off the arm sling. Fadel makes his way up the stairs. Style first looks at their tied up victims, then watches Fadel walk upstairs. There are certainly things on Style's mind. He'll be voicing them in the bathtub in a bit.

No. 10: Fadel in a Bath Fadel in a Bath Na Na Na Na Na Na Fadel in a Bath

Style finds Fadel in the bathtub and wants to join in. Fadel is reluctant at first, but is also not in the mood to argue with Style and so Style starts getting undressed. Now, usually I'd just skip past this part of Style getting naked and hopping into the tub because it's not a relevant process. However, during this process he does something very interesting: When he lays down his clothes he touches the gun, as if to make a grab for it before he goes and covers it with clothes.

I'm gonna be honest, I really have no idea what to make of this moment. As to why Style covers it, it could probably be because he wants it out of sight, out of the way, wants it gone. Style has made it very clear on multiple occasions that he doesn't want Fadel to be killing people and he will also be telling Fadel exactly that in just another minute as well. Away with the gun.

But if that really is the case, then I still don't understand why Style would touch the gun in the first place. If he wanted to hide it, he could have dropped his shirt down on it without bending down and touching it. But Style does go through the effort and the way he touches it almost looks like he is about to pick it up. The "Style + guns" counter goes up to 5.

Style is also very deliberate about it. He has his eyes glued to Fadel, watching him carefully through the entire process. That has me wonder if Style is maybe testing Fadel. Is he testing Fadel's trust, maybe? Because Fadel did say that the words out of Style's mouth are no longer trustworthy, but what about Style's actions? Are those still trustworthy? Technically Style is also still Fadel's kidnapping victim, so what would the kidnapper do if the victim goes for the weapon the kidnapper has been using to keep his victim in check? But Fadel's reaction is just a raised eyebrow and a bit of an eyebrow scrunch like What exactly is it that you're doing? It's a clear message, but at the same time Fadel doesn't even move a single muscle that indicates he is about to do something to get the weapon away from Style.

Fadel watches Style closely, but doesn't interfere. There is a certain amount of trust involved here, because Style could have easily made a quick grab for it and pulled the gun on Fadel for once.

I actually asked @secriden about her opinion on this because I didn't quite know what to make of it and she came back with an interesting perspective I also want to share:

Oh, I think the purpose of that was to show that Style is really choosing to be with Fadel. In that scenario Style literally has all the advantage— Fadel is naked in a bathtub and he's hampered by a broken arm and literally being in a slippery situation. Like if Style wanted to just take the gun and shoot Fadel there was little Fadel could've done at that point. But Style touches the gun and makes deliberate eye contact and then covers it with his clothes like he's saying "See? Even when you give me the chance to seize control what matters to me is another chance to fix our relationship." He's basically proving his own words when he said "I'll do anything to make it up to you." This includes letting a chance go literally take back his LIFE because the gun still symbolises a threat to Style's life (even if we know Fadel isn't going to go through with it).

After covering the gun with his clothes, Style gets into the tub and the first thing out of his mouth is: "I’m glad you didn’t kill them." And we know this to be true, because we saw how afraid and how tense Style was earlier when the gun was involved. Fadel reminds him that he only kills bad people and even if he disapproves of Jimmy's cheating, at the end of the day it's none of his business anyway. Style states "You’re pretty decent at your core, you know?" and I sigh in exasperation again, because it's not that Fadel is just "pretty decent", no, Fadel is a good person. And buckle up, because there are quite a few language notes to follow over the course of this scene.

Really, you're a good person at your core. จริงๆสันดานมึงเป็นคนดีนะเว้ย [jing jing - săn-daan - mueng - bpen - kon dii - ná wóiie] really, honestly - nature, core - you - be - good person - [particle]

Having made this assessment, Style wants to know how come Fadel is a hitman then and Fadel says he gets hired, there's nothing more to it. Style says it's not true that Fadel is doing it just for the money. Fadel comes back with a challenge: "Why not? You don’t know anything about me." In Thai he actually phrases it like a question which I like because it makes the challenge a bit more direct and Fadel's words sassier:

You know me well? มึงรู้จักกูดีเหรอ [mueng - rúu-jàk - guu - dii - rĕr] you - know - me - well - ?

(German speakers: the mood of this sentence is actually more like "Kennst du mich denn gut?", not just "Kennst du mich gut?")

So Fadel throws Style a sassy question, but Style has an answer, and what an answer it is:

I may not know your past but I know your present well. กูอาจจะไม่รู้จักอาดีตมึงแต่กูรู้จักปัจจุบันมึงดีนะเว้ย [guu - àat-jà - mâi - rúu-jàk - àdiit mueng - dtàe - guu - rùu-jàk - bpàt-jù-ban mueng - dii - ná wóiie] I - may, might - not - know - your past - but - I - know - your present - well - [Particle] Official subs: "I might not know who you were in the past, but I know who you are now."

It's not just that Style didn't know who Fadel was as a person in the past, but also Style was neither present in Fadel's past nor did Fadel share much about his past apart from the fact that his parents were shot. Style may not have been there for Fadel's past, but Style is very much there for Fadel's present, he's lived Fadel's present by his side for a while now and has gotten to know Fadel's life and Fadel himself really well. And Style is here for Fadel's present despite all things that should make him want to leave. Style is here for Fadel's present despite all the things he knows or maybe even because of all the things he knows. He knows Fadel is a killer, but he also knows Fadel is a good person. Being here for Fadel's present, Style's gotten to know many different side's of Fadel that make him want to stay in Fadel's present. Style smiles at him. Fadel can't run away from the mortifying ordeal of being known forever. It's too late. Style already knows him significantly, whether Fadel wants to acknowledge it or not.

Fadel looks away from him and when he looks back at Style, Style brings back the topic of Fadel only killing bad people and asks how Fadel decides. Fadel claims he decides based on his own experiences. Style tells him:

You're not a court passing sentences on other people's lives. มึงไม่ใช่ศาลมาพิพากษาชีวิตคนอื่น​นะเว้ย [mueng - mâi châi - săan - maa - pí-pâak-săa - chii-wít - kon èun - ná wóiie] you - not - court - come - judge - life - others - [particle] Official subs: It’s not your job to judge that kind of thing, you know? Just quit doing it. เลิกทำไปเหอะ [lêrk - tam - bpai - hùh] quit, stop - do - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Why don’t you just quit? The more you keep doing this, the more your life will never be at peace. ยิ่งมึงทำแบบนี้ ชีวิดมึงยิ่งไม่จบไม่สิ้น [yîng - mueng - tam - bàep níi • chii-wít meung - yîng - mâi - jòp - mâi - sîn] the more - you - do - like this • your life - the more - not - end - not - end Official subs: If you keep going, it will never be over.

You may have noticed that in the interlinear translation of the last sentence it says "not end not end" which doesn't make a lot of sense, of course. Style actually uses two different words for "end" here. I asked my friend about it who explained that "not end" as in ไม่จบ [mâi jòb] refers to something external (the killings) while "not end" as in ไม่สิ้น [mâi sîn] refers to something internal (Fadel finding inner peace). The more Fadel keeps killing, the more he'll be stuck in this life and the more he won't be able to rest.

Fadel doesn't want to be lectured, but Style isn't actually saying all this to lecture Fadel. It's a well-meant warning because Style cares about Fadel and his well-being:

I just think there's probably no one who will warn you and mean well for you as much as I do. กูอ่ะแค่คิดว่าคงไม่มีใครเตือน​และหวังดีกับมึงเท่ากูละ [guu - àh - kâe - kít - wâa - kong- mâi mii krai - dteuuan - láe - wăng dii gàp - mueng - tâo - guu - lá] I - [particle] - just - think - that - maybe - there is no one - warn - and - mean well for - you - like - I - [particle] Official subs: I just think there’s no one out there who wants the best for you more than I do.

Fadel just stares at him and Style smiles back. He means it. After a moment, he puts his feet on Fadel and targets the nipple. First of all, it's time to be a little shit again and try to annoy his way back into Fadel's life and second of all, maybe I think he hasn't given up hope of getting some yet, even if Fadel is still back to being grumpy. Also, it's my personal headcanon that Style put his feet on Fadel for the same reason Dunk did: the tub is simply just too small for these two grown men.

Fadel reminds him that just because he lets Style mess with him it doesn't mean he won't kill Style. Style tilts his head. That's death threat number what? And yet, Style is still here and still able to mess with Fadel. "Go ahead. Blow my head off whenever you want." Style is here, ready to accept his fate. "I’m a bad person for making you fall for me, head over heels, and then betraying you. I deserve to die." And here is where the exact wording is important again. Literally he says: "I'm bad. I tricked you into loving me, I tricked you into being crazy about me, and then I betrayed you. I deserve to die."

Sorry in advance, but the following will be chaos. There is only so much formatting I can do in a tumblr post (I wish I could add a table!). The arrows indicate the literal translation. The colors will make sense a paragraph down.

→ I'm bad. กูอ่ะมันเลว [guu - àh - man - leow] I - [particle] - [marker] - bad Official subs: I’m a bad person → I tricked you into loving me, หลอกให้มึงรัก [lòhk - hâi - mueng - rák] trick, deceive - that - you - love Official subs: for making you fall for me → I tricked you into being crazy about me, หลอกให้มึงหลง [lòhk - hâi - mueng - lŏng] trick, deceive - that - you - be crazy about Official subs: head over heels → and then I betrayed you. แล้วหักหลังมึง [láew - hàk lăng - meung] and (then) - betray - you Official subs: and then betraying you. → I deserve to die. กูอ่ะสมควรตายเว้ย [guu - àh - sŏm-kuuan - dtaai - wóiie] I - [particle] - deserve - die - [particle] Official subs: I deserve to die.

The wording is significant, not just because our keyword หลอก [lòhk] makes another appearance, but because Style repeats Popcorn's (aka Fadel's mirror, the one voicing how Fadel feels inside) words back to Fadel. Let's compare with what Popcorn was saying: "You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. [...] There are no chances for bad people. People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die!" (Style's words: "I'm bad. I tricked you into loving me, I tricked you into being crazy about me, and then I betrayed you. I deserve to die.")

→ You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. มึงอ่ะมาหลอกให้กูรักกูหลง มึงก็ทำยังเงี้ย [mueng - à- maa - lòhk - hâi - guu - rák - guu - lŏng • mueng - gôh - tam - yang -ngíia] you - [particle] - come - trick, deceive - that - I - love - I - be crazy about • you - [sentence link] - do - like this Official subs: You made me fall for you and then betrayed me. [...] → There are no chances for bad people. โอกาส​มันไม่ได้​มีไว้สำหรับ​คนเลว [oh-gàat - man - mâi dâai - mii - wái - săm-ràp - kon leow] chance - it - not - have - keep - for - bad people Official subs: The likes of you don’t deserve second chances. → People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die! คนที่หลอกให้คนอื่นรัก สมควรให้ตายไปให้หมด [kon - tîi -lòhk - hâi - kon èun - rák • sŏm-kuuan - hâi - dtaai bpai hâi mòt] people - that - trick, deceive - that - others - love • deserve - that - die - all Official subs: The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!

As you can see, Style uses almost the exact same words that Popcorn used and they are all words that Fadel had an emotional reaction to earlier that day. Style's been paying attention. Style finishes with "I deserve to die" just like Popcorn claimed was the case and then closes his eyes and tilts his head back a little like Go on, shoot me. I am at your mercy and I am ready to die for my sins.

Two things are happening here with this little monologue: Style is being a little shit by shamelessly mocking Fadel's empty death threats. Style knows Fadel won't kill him over this, because if tricking people into falling in love had been enough of a reason to fall under Fadel's category of Bad Person™ then Fadel would have killed Jimmy earlier that day. But Jimmy is alive. And so is Style.

And the other thing is that Style is also letting Fadel know that he's figured out what Fadel is really angry about. Style is fully acknowledging now what he did that hurt Fadel so much. It's very different from earlier that day when the car broke down and Style was all "Hey, what happened happened. Let it go. Shouldn’t you be looking forward to the future? Focus on the future. Let go of your grudge." I think in the beginning Style assumed that while yes, Fadel would think Style's love was fake, the main thing he was angry about was Style being a snitch for the police. But then they ran into Jimmy and Popcorn. And then Fadel got unnecessarily offended at someone else's trickery in a relationship Fadel had nothing to do with. And Style paid attention. It's not that Style was working with the police that's the problem. The "working with the police part" is the thing that Fadel was already suspecting and expecting from the beginning. Fadel had been ready for that. That wasn't the problem. No, what hurts the most is that Style had the audacity to play with Fadel's heart first before "cheating" on him by being on the police's side. Fadel is upset because he thinks Style's love was insincere, that it was all just an elaborate trick while for Fadel himself the love was all real and Style now fully and actively realizes that. And acknowledges it. Except, Fadel denies his feelings: "Don’t be so full of yourself. I never fell for you."

Now, when Fadel tells Style not to be so full of himself, he actually tells Style not to คิดไปเอง [kít bpai eng]. Literally this phrase makes something like "think by oneself" and it's a phrase that my friend defined as "to come to a conclusion without there being any solid evidence for it". Fadel is basically telling Style something along the lines of "Don't make shit up, I never loved you." And yeah. He does indeed say "I never loved you" which to me sounds almost more hurtful than "I never fell for you":

กูไม่เคยรักมึง [guu - mâi koiie - rák - mueng] I - never - love - you

Fadel is a lying liar. And Style knows it. He stares at Fadel for a moment as if he can't believe Fadel really just dropped this with a straight face, then smiles a little. "You might be good at cooking and shooting, but you’re not very good at lying at all." And with that, Style immediately puts Fadel to the test. He starts slowly kissing his way up Fadel's arms, pausing to check in with Fadel and even more so to check his reaction. When Style gets close enough to Fadel's face, he slowly leans in for a kiss, his eyes fixed on Fadel's eyes. Style advances very slowly, giving Fadel plenty of time. Fadel actually tilts his head a little towards Style, almost welcoming a kiss, but when their noses are about to touch Fadel turns his head away. And you'd think Style would be annoyed about Fadel refusing him once again, but instead Style smiles. Because I don't think Style went into this with the goal of actually seducing Fadel, of actually trying to sleep with him again like he did in the race car bed in the beginning of the episode (though I'm sure he wouldn't have minded if Fadel had consented). No, this wasn't an attempt at getting into Fadel's pants. This was a test. Fadel refuses to kiss Style and Style smiles a little, looking almost amused. He was expecting this.

There it is. Proof that Fadel is a lying liar who lies. Proof that Fadel is mad about and hurt because of the exact things that Style has just listed only moments before. Proof that Fadel did love him. Does love him. Still loves him. Style keeps looking at Fadel, but Fadel keeps his head turned away, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Instead of calling Fadel out for being a liar again, Style raises his eyebrows and backs off.

He sits back down on his spot at the other end of the tub and makes a promise: "As long as I'm alive, I'll make you kiss me again." Fadel, who in the meantime has started looking at Style again, lifts his head and goes back to avoiding eye contact with Style once more. He looks around the room. Looks anywhere but at Style. Looks at the painting at the wall instead. And that's when Fadel realizes. He knows exactly where Bison is. And with this we are left to wait a week for the next episode (except the next episode will already be out by the time I manage to post this rip).

If you think I have already spent enough words on this scene, think again. Because the dialogue in this scene is really interesting when thinking back to the bed scene from episode 5. Back then Fadel told Style "The real me might be scarier than you think". Towards the end of episode 7 and all throughout episode 8 Style has been getting glimpses of that real Fadel that he was warned about. Back in episode 5 Style knew about "the real Fadel" mostly in theory and told him "I promise that no matter what you are like, I'll still like you". And Fadel told Style that Style can judge once he's ready. And what is Style's judgment now that he's gotten to witness some of the real scary Fadel? "You're a good person at your core." And Style's stance on liking Fadel no matter what kind of person he is? "I just think there's probably no one out there who will warn you and mean well with you as much as I do." Fadel warned Style that Style should be wary of him, but Fadel also only kills bad people and Style isn't bad people and Style knows it. Fadel refused to fully open up to Style and right now in his anger he is likely even less willing to open up to Style at all and yet Style knows him, knows his present so well. And Style was even close to witnessing Fadel murdering someone and even though Style would rather Fadel didn't (and doesn't and won't), Style still doesn't judge Fadel for it. And even if Fadel had killed Jimmy, it likely wouldn't have made Style love Fadel any less. Back in episode 5 Style made the decision to be by this man's side and now in episode 8 he still firmly stands by this decision. In fact, maybe even more so now. Both of these scenes end in a promise made by Style: As long as I'm alive, I'll make you kiss me again. One day, I'll be your 100%. Style is absolutely set on this. And it won't be long until he makes good on that promise. At least on the promise he made this episode.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

[pitchsidestories]

The Princess Diaries II Zećira Mušović x Reader

chelsea women masterlist

The Swedish Princess got enganged. Scroll further to find the whole transcript of their adorable engagement video with the swedish national team goalkeeper

Interviewer: So how did you two first met? gives them both a curious look

Zecira: To be honest I did not recognize who she was back when. grins sheepishly

Princess!Reader: That's true, for me personally I found that very refreshing smirks

Zecira: She says that now but I don’t think she did back then throws a teasing smile at her

Interviewer: What happened ?

Zecira: It all happened during a football game looks into the eyes of her fiancée

Princess!Reader: Yes, it was a sweden game of course slowly nods while she can't look away

Zecira: I think we even won that game smiles

Princess!Reader: Yeah you did so naturally I went to the after party to congratulate the whole team and you might have heard about it but swedish female football team partys are legendary chuckles

Zecira: You make it sound like it was a big deal laughs

Princess!Reader: Well it kinda was, you girls were securing the third place in the world cup her tone getting more serious

Zecira: Maybe it was kind of a big deal

Princess!Reader: See?

Zecira: So anyways, she was standing there and I didn’t know who she was speaks animatedly with her hands

Princess!Reader: Yes, which was nice and akward at the same time but my instinct was just go with it shrugs

Zecira: I might have had a few drinks already so I just went for it

Interviewer: You flirted with the princess ? shakes his head in surprise

Zecira: Yeah. But I didn’t know it at the time

Princess!Reader: True

Zecira: I only found out hours after that

Princess!Reader: Magda and Frido had to spoil it and tell her about my identity rolls her eyes

Zecira: Didn’t stop me from texting her though smiles confidently

Princess!Reader: Of course not because Z loves a good challenge winks at her fiancée before turning her face back to the camera

Zecira: I do grins bright

Princess!Reader: And what a challenge it was for our both families to accept this entwines her fingers with Zeciras while speaking about it

Interviewer: Tell us more about it.

Zecira: Well, my parents were panicking quite a bit shrugs it off

Princess!Reader: They did until I met them for the first time, remember that love?

Zecira: That’s what you say, they still panic before you come visit them jokes

Princess!Reader: Same, to be honest

Zecira: No, you don’t. Wait, you do? gives her an astonished look

Princess!Reader: Yes, I always feel like I might not be good enough for you in their eyes.. bites her lip

Zecira: Even though you’re a princess?

Princess!Reader: That does not mean I'm the perfect daughter in law, love..

Zecira: It doesnt? winks at her

Princess!Reader: Oh you disagree, huh? looks at her in amusement

Zecira: I do nods

Princess!Reader: Maybe your parents will change their minds too someday in a hopeful tone

Zecira: What am I supposed to say about that, huh? hides her face behind her long hands for a moment

Princess!Reader: next question, please ? turns her head to the interviewer

Zecira: See, she never wants to talk about that huffs

Interviewer: I can tell. But what the swedes want to know how was the propasal and who asked the big question?

Princess!Reader: I did. Really.

Zecira: She did sighs

Princess!Reader: Much to Z's dismay, she even shed a few tears gives her fiancée a teasing smile

Zecira: I had an allergy! laughs

Princess!Reader: In our flat in London ?

Zecira: Yes !

Princess!Reader: So you're allergic to romantic moments ? sounds skeptical

Zecira: Maybe.

Princess!Reader: Maybe?

Zecira: Yeah, my nose is running and my eyes are watering when there’s an emotional moment. Must be an allergy throws her hands up in defence

Princess!Reader: No, that's called feelings chuckles

Zecira: It is? irony dripping from her voice

Princess!Reader: Yeah

Zecira: Oh

Princess!Reader: So yes, we can't wait to get married as you can see grins

Interviewer: I can tell. Any plans for the future?

Princess!Reader: Actually, we do, which one do you think we can tell them, Z ?

Interviewer: you have several plans? interjects

Zecira: Of course but we also know that some things can't be planned..

Interviewer: For example?

Zecira: Children getting serious

Interviewer: That’s… a big plan laughs surprised about Zecira's openess

Princess!Reader: It's but we..

Interviewer: Yes ?

Princess!Reader: Nevermind blushes

Zecira: Let’s just say that our future plans are not that far into the future offers a mischievous smile to the camera

Princess!Reader: Exactly, that might be a good end for our interview, right?

Interviewer: Usually I should end the interview but sure. I think we got enough gives them a satisfied look

Princess!Reader: thanks shakes the hand of the interviewer

"Let’s leave, love.", with a huge smile on Zecira's face she took your hand in hers to get out of the studio where the engagement interview took place.

Hopeful you looked up to the taller woman: "Right, someone has a game to play and I hope Frido secured a good place for me."

"I’m sure, she did.", the goalkeeper reassured you.

With a glance at your phone you answered with a nod: Ah yes, she texted me earlier and is already waiting."

"See you after the game.", your fiancée hugged you fiercly.

Cheerful you wished her good luck.

In a flirty tone Zecira replied:" I don’t need that. I got you here."

Suddenly Fridolina who was still healing from her knee injury appeared at your side:" Don't worry, I'll take care of your princess for you."

"I hope you will.", Zecira said.

Quickly the injured blonde football player responded:"Promise."

"You better should. I’ll see if she’s happy after the game.", the goalkeeper warned her teammate jokingly.

After the match, you were in the stands, leaning down towards your fiancée so you could kiss her: "Your saves were amazing, Zecira !"

"Just for you, love.", the taller woman answered, looking overjoyed about the win.

"For you, the team and me."

"Yeah, fine.", Zecira snotted.

Your cheeks were flushing while you admited:"But it sounded very cute from your lips."

Cheekily your fiancée asked:" How does another kiss from these lips sound?"

"That sounds perfect." , you declared before the goalkeeper was drawing you in for an even more passionate kiss.

"Come here then."

To our readers: Do you like this form of storytelling? Should we do it more often ?

[navstuffs]

two weeks

Pairing: leon kennedy x gn!reader

Summary: "give me two weeks, you won't recognize her."

Warnings: songfic, SMUT SO MINORS DNI, sort sub!leon, confident reader

Author's Notes: if you know this song, you already know what's coming ;) this fanfic is also an ode to my queen fka twigs (so you can imagine the pressure i felt writing this lol). leon is also very lucky with me; first sade and now fka twigs? he is a lucky motherfucker man. enjoy your reading!

my leon's masterlist

"I know it hurts, you know I'd quench that thirst

(I can treat you better than her)

You say you're lonely, I say you'll think about it"

Like most things in your life, it doesn't start the "right" way. Yes, there is a date, but never a proper second or maybe third date, then a kiss. And at a particular stage of life, you didn't think you could seduce or date anyone. Even more so, your partner and friend Leon S. Kennedy. You had lost your touch or never really had one. And he was clearly in love with somebody else.

You had to hear about it occasionally if you decided to join him to drink. It bothered you more than it should, but you could do nothing about it.

And Leon Kennedy had the tendency to only "flirt" as a joke, anyway. 

The smiles, the flirty smiles in your direction. They started here and there, just a tiny detail you didn't think much of, figuring it was just Leon being Leon. Then, the flirting. As if you could call it flirting, the man straight invited you to dinner after you two almost died in the hands of a B.O.W.

Leon's priceless face, when you accept it, makes everything almost all worth it.

"Higher than a motherfucker, dreaming of you as my lover

Flying like a streamer, thinking of new ways to do each other"

Leon is unsure during dinner. You watch his eyes wander around the restaurant, never looking straight at your face. The menu has confusing names with food you have never heard of. Leon had chosen a fancy place he clearly never went, and also somewhere he wasn't comfortable. 

Later, after eating what you think was a snail with a weird tomato, you question why he brought you here. Leon mumbles he never thought you would accept it.

"Why?"

"I guess because you know...my situation."

"I know it hurts, you know I'd put you first

(I can fuck you better than her)"

Ada Wong? Oh, you knew their situation pretty well. You have heard more than once, actually: she and Leon seem to be connected to each other with a certain tension that never seems to die down over the years. This doesn't frighten you; you never ran away from a challenge. You preferred the harder ones anyway.

You wouldn't be stealing Leon from her since he was never his. And even if he was, it didn't matter.

"It doesn't really matter," You conclude, finishing your drink.

"Why not?"

"Because you could be mine at the end. We can't risk that."

The smile Leon gives you is all the answer you need.

"Feel your body closing, I can rip it open

Suck me up, I'm healing for the shit you're dealing"

You are bad, Leon realizes, really bad. It is the way you make him feel pleasure, the way look at him, fierce and daring, as if he is the only one for you. It makes him feel special, unique, like Ada never could. Not because she didn't want to but.

"Hey, eyes on me, Leon."

Your authoritative voice calls him back, and Leon feels a chill. He had only seen you concentrated like this during missions. Looking deadly and calm, Leon Kennedy is your target now. Leon shouldn't have invited you to his apartment, but he was curious. Curious to see how further you could actually go.

How you would make him yours.

It could be enough, Leon thinks, his hand pushing your head down into his hard cock. He likes to watch you suffocate and how good your lips are around his dick, your mouth wet and slippery, perfect for him.

After falling into bed, exhausted, Leon confesses, his face hidden by his sweaty hair.

"This...could work."

You smirk back. You could work with that.

"Smoke on your skin to get those pretty eyes rolling

My thighs are apart for when you're ready to breathe in"

You don't call Leon the next day. Or the other. He calls you on Monday night after a full day of behaving like nothing happened during the weekend as if you two remained just good co-workers.

He comes by your house, and you imagine he will want to finish everything. It would be typical of Leon to get afraid if someone got too close. Leon would apologize and argue it was all a mistake. His kiss as soon as you open the door silences your internal doubts. Leon Kennedy is there, and he wants you.

You take him to your bedroom, clothes falling on the way, and you ignore the little emotion you have when he looks so vulnerable under your palms. You suck him again because Leon Kennedy asks for it. It seems someone has gotten addicted to your mouth. 

"So good. Fuck."

You let him moan and tremble in your bed. A bed that you often imagined you would, one day, have Leon for yourself, just for you. His moans fill up the room, and you suspect you will never be able to sleep again without thinking about it.

"Suck me up, I'm healing for the shit you're dealing

High motherfucker, get your mouth open, you know you're mine"

You are at his house now, almost two weeks since this started. Leon has you under him, back against the mattress, legs spread apart. You look a mess, and he loves it. His hands rub your chest, giving your nipple a good squeeze, focusing on moving his hips against you. The way you liked. Oh yeah, Leon Kennedy, in less than two freaking weeks, knows precisely where to hit.

"Shit." He groans, his mouth open with his eyes semi-closed.

He looks sinful. If there was ever some God of sex around or a demon, Leon would be one of his forms used to seduce people. And he is trembling, shaking, panting because of you.

"Leon."

You must remind him to bring himself back and stop teasing you. He looks at you, and his blue eyes darken.

"What do you want? What do you need? You gotta tell me."

Oh, Leon, you think smiling. Still naive about whom exactly was in control there. He forgets sometimes you are as trained as he is. Taking him by surprise, you shift positions, sitting on top of him. Leon's dick goes further inside you, making you both groan.

"You forget Leon, I don't have much patience."

You watch as Leon Kennedy simply collapses in front of your eyes. It had been like this every night you had been together, Leon's expression changing to pure bliss. You think it was nice seeing him like this as you gently grab his face.

"Come on, you know what to do by now."

Leon licks his lips, moaning your name. He raises his hips up with ease, starting to meet your thrusts. You smile, victorious. After you both cum, bodies trembling, you can feel Leon examining your face as his warm hand rubs your cheek gently.

"We could do this if you still want me."

It is adorable how unsure he is still with himself, although his dick was buried deep inside you. As if you hadn't been banging your brains like crazy those last two weeks. But it is the first time he has been truly open.

You lick your lips, whispering.

"I know you aren't mine yet, but..."

"I want to be."

You look into his eyes, looking for any trace of insecurity from Leon. There was none, just the heavy stare of his confession. Leon reminded you of a younger version of himself, one you saw in a picture, his big blue eyes anxious and his face watching you. You knew you were in danger territory now: Leon was letting you in. 

"We could do this" Your voice sounds vulnerable and different from earlier. More emotional "It will be slow. We will take our time. No rush."

"Yes."

Leon Kennedy opens a smile that has you hide your face on his neck. You want more, much more, but for now, this is enough.

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

ARAMINTA: Welcome to the first in a series of gardenside chats!

LILAC: (drily) Production really wanted to milk the whole ‘lilac’ and ‘mint’ thing. But yeah, hi.

ARAMINTA: These will occur after each round, and after any ‘significant’ event which merits a discussion. And neither will I be exempt. On that note, Lilac - I believe we’re starting with a query for me?

LILAC: Yep, you get to wet your wick on that one first. 

ARAMINTA: (...) 

LILAC: (grins to herself) If you weren’t in the competition, who would you want to win Mad About Dodo?

ARAMINTA: Sierra. Well, I think her scores speak for themselves. She’s positive and fun, and would have got along splendidly with the extended Harper clan - with family being very important to Dodo. Also, she is a very dear friend. I could have eventually come to be happy for them both.

LILAC: We like Sierra Mitchell in this house. And if you could pick someone to not win?

ARAMINTA: Hmm. I’m not sure that I feel comfortable answering this question. Still, during the show I’ll be asking our contestants - and you - to be very honest. It would be hypocritical if I weren’t the same.

LILAC: And you learn a lot about who people are when you ask the uncomfortable questions too. So, who?

ARAMINTA: In terms of people who made it to the final round? (after a pause) If I had to choose someone: Shay.

LILAC: Why Shay?

ARAMINTA: I… never actually had the pleasure of being in a household with her, but in retrospect I didn’t like how she interrupted others while they were flirting with Dodo. Possibly this is simply due to my background as a competitive equestrian - and to my upbringing - but I didn’t think that was very fair or sporting on her part.

LILAC: I see. And likewise you didn’t think it was ‘very fair or sporting’ on Orlando's part either?

ARAMINTA: I, well…

LILAC: I mean, I could say that Shay was just doing her job. And that you and anyone else could have done the same.

ARAMINTA: I actually couldn’t have, I don’t think. But that is fair. 

LILAC: Her job was to win the competition, and Dodo’s was to give everyone a chance. He could have stopped the interruptions and said “I’m getting to know this person right now, I’ll catch up with you later?”

ARAMINTA: You are right. I… suppose that even now, I can’t imagine myself as having the confidence to do that. So perhaps that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. My apologies, Shay.

LILAC: And we don’t even know if that��s why she was interrupting people. But yeah, we often seem to find fault with people according to our own perceived weaknesses. Anyway. The only reason why I wouldn’t have wanted Shay to win was if she didn’t, I could still get her number (winks).

ARAMINTA: (giggles) She is very pretty. Speaking of ‘pretty,’ if you could go on a date with any of the Mad About Dodo contestants, who would they have been?

LILAC: Well, Shay. I like her vibe. Val for the same reason.

ARAMINTA: It was so funny how she didn’t hide being unamused by Dodo’s jokes.

LILAC: Funny - and an indication of good taste (grins). Ariah because of her creativity and interest in sustainability. Also, I have eyes. And Robin. He’s my brother in ink (nods towards her shoulder tattoo) and I like a humble intellectual.

ARAMINTA: A humble intellectual? So no Dr Roder then? (looks shocked at her own joke) I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.

LILAC: Oh, c’mon! You’re way more fun when you’re not trying to be Ms. Perfect. (turns to cameras) Who else wants a ‘Reads With Araminta’ series?

ARAMINTA: (quickly) Any other contestants?

LILAC: Theo - she was such a baddie. Hassan and Paradise. As a freegan, I like a two-for-one deal (winks). And pretty much anyone else who was there out of good faith. Ava is free to black-widow challenge Vlad outside of this save file.

ARAMINTA: I hope that no one dies during this save file.

LILAC: Yeah, that must have been rough. But we’ll be in a safer setting than on a deserted island - well, most of the time anyway. And the Watcher will just de-deadify someone off-screen, if it does happen, and we can’t persuade Grim to spare them. But I can be very persuasive. 

ARAMINTA: That she can! Earlier she almost talked Agnes into giving her a discount!

LILAC: My biggest achievement in life, yeah. And not to downplay what Bo and the rest of your household went through, but he did get brought back to life in the end. How’s he doing these days?

ARAMINTA: Very well, actually! He owns a house now, and he - well, it’s not my place to reveal his personal business, but he’s happy (beams).

LILAC: If anyone deserved a happy ending on that show, it was him. So that’s great.

ARAMINTA: What can we look forward to for this show?

LILAC: ‘Looking forward to’ is probably a better description for the Watchers and other viewers, but yeah. We’ll have some fun. Skill building will be a component of this, and there will be mini competitions where the winner gets a date with the infamous Leo Harper-

ARAMINTA: (wrinkles nose) They do not get a date with the infamous Leo Harper.

LILAC: Yeah, actually no. But they get to spend some one-on-one time with me, and an opportunity to rack up those sweet sweet friendship and romance points. And as Araminta can tell you, any solo date is a great chance to ‘wow-wow’ the bachelor-

ARAMINTA: And that’s all we have time for today! Tune in next time to find out more how the introductory round will work, and a feature with one of the fashion houses that will be sponsoring our outfits during the show.

LILAC: Bitch, we had more time than that. You so owe me details on that one...

hope your sims ears weren't burning too hard:

@akitasimblr @tipsy-clouds @changingplumbob @enchanting-whim @linalinsims

@theosconfessions @whyeverr @westonsims00 @riverofjazzsims @invisiblequeen

@ravingsockmonkey

[insomniac4000]

Hinge and a Ski Trip

Chris smiled when he opened the Hinge app, he was well versed to using it by now but this time it felt different. If he was being honest though he had this different feeling before but there was something about this girl that kept drawing him to her. He checked her profile one more time. Her name was , she worked as a civil servant in the Department of Health. She had a warm smile, and a down-to-earth vibe. Her profile didn’t have the usual curated, filtered perfection; instead, her photos looked spontaneous, capturing her hiking on a sunny day, laughing with friends at a café, and petting a golden retriever in what appeared to be a park. There was something genuine about her, and that stood out to Chris in the sea of profiles that screamed for attention.

With nothing to lose, two weeks ago he messaged her, and to his surprise, the conversation flowed effortlessly from the start. They shared a few jokes, talked about their days so Chris took the plunge and asked her out for drinks, his smile widened hugely when she had said yes. The location was a casual bar on a Friday night, Chris sat there nervously checking his phone while waiting for . He rarely got nervous, but the thought of this date stirred something in him. He wondered if she’d recognize him, most people did at this point, he had lost count of the amount of times girls had turned him down only to back peddle once they had Googled him but from what he could tell through their chats,  wasn’t the type to make a big deal about things like that, she hadn't mentioned she knew who he was yet anyway.

The door opened, and Chris looked up. There she was.  entered the bar, scanning the room until her eyes met his. She smiled, waved, and walked over to the table where he was sitting. Chris stood up to greet her, extending his hand, which she shook warmly. She looked just like her photo's, from her shining eyes to her wide excitable smile and  couldn't help but think about how much more attractive Chris looked in person.

“Hi, Chris! It’s great to finally meet you in person,”  said, sliding into the seat across from him.

“Yeah, you too! Glad we could make this work,” Chris replied, settling back into his seat. “How’s your day been?”

“Oh, you know, just a typical day at work,” she said with a chuckle. “Lots of paperwork, meetings, and endless cups of coffee. What about you?”

“Pretty similar, actually. Just work." Chris coughed a little, he was always a little bit awkward bringing up what he did because he was never sure what the reaction was going to be, some girls wanted nothing to do with it, some didn't think it was a real career and other's you could practically see the pound signs in their eyes.

“So what do you do for work?"  with a small smile on her face, Chris took a deep breath to answer but  continued letting him off the hook. “I'll be honest I’ve seen a few of your videos. My younger brother’s a big fan, actually, so I’ve been roped into watching your football challenges more times than I can count.”

Chris grinned, though he felt a small knot form in his stomach. “And that’s… not weird for you?” He asked, looking at 's smile, there was something about that smile he couldn't take his eyes off.

“Not really,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “I mean, I know you’re famous in that world, but I’m more interested in getting to know you as a person. The whole YouTube thing is cool, don’t get me wrong, but I’d like to know what you’re like off-camera. You're just Chris Dixon."

Chris relaxed a little at that. It wasn’t uncommon for dates or new acquaintances to treat him like a celebrity, so the fact that  seemed genuinely curious about who he was beyond the screen was a relief.

"Great, well can I get you a drink?" He offered the girl who nodded enthusiastically.

They spent the next hour chatting about their lives.  explained her work as a civil servant in the Department of Health, she was an officer looking at how different places were trying to broaden the workforce across the NHS. It was hard work and a lot of the time very difficult decisions were needing to be made, especially if she didn't agree with the orders from the government but she had to remind herself she was in a position to actually do something and hold the government to account.

Chris listened intently, finding her passion for her work endearing. “I can’t even imagine how tough that must’ve been,” he said. “I mean, I’ve had some stressful moments with YouTube and football, but that sounds like a different level.”

“Yeah, it’s been intense,”  admitted, “but it’s also been really fulfilling. I like knowing that I’m making a difference, even if it’s in a small way. Anyway, what do you like to do when you're not working?"  was very careful to avoid the words Youtube or videos, she had promised she wanted to know Chris outside of that world and it was very easy to have conversations around it, it turned out there was a lot more to Chris than football videos and she was enjoying hearing about it.

"I go on a lot of holidays, I like travelling," Chris kicked off the conversation and the pair spent a while talking about the places they had been plus the places that were still on bucket lists.

“I’ve always wanted to explore Japan,” Chris said, his eyes lighting up. “The mix of old and new culture, the food, the landscapes everything about it just seems incredible, climb Fuji.”

“Same here!”  exclaimed. “It’s been at the top of my list for years. I’ve spent so much time researching places like Kyoto, Tokyo, and even the countryside. The temples, the cherry blossoms, the hot springs… I want to experience it all.”

Chris smiled, feeling a growing connection. “Maybe we should plan a trip,” he said half-jokingly, but there was an underlying excitement in his voice,  grinned.

As the night went on, they moved from travel to other topics, and one surprising commonality emerged: their shared love of animals.

“I grew up with dogs,”  said, her eyes softening. “We had a golden retriever named Daisy, and she was the sweetest. I’ve always loved animals. If I wasn’t working in public health, I think I’d want to be a vet or something.”

"Are you joking? I was going to train to be a vet!" Chris explained before going on to explain he didn't quite get the grades so decided to take a year to pursue his channel.

By the time they finished their drinks, the conversation had flowed so naturally that neither of them noticed how late it had gotten. The pub had started to thin out, and Chris realized he didn’t want the night to end just yet but it had to, as Chris went to order himself an Uber  spoke

"I don't live too far from here so I'm going to walk,"  announces as she put her jacket on.

"Don't read too much into this but I can walk with you and can get an Uber from there? I just wouldn't forgive myself if you didn't get home safe." Chris offered and  nodded, smiling at the gentlemanly offer.

The walk back to 's place was filled with comfortable conversation, interspersed with laughter and a few quiet moments where neither of them felt the need to speak. The night air was cool but pleasant, and the streetlights cast a soft glow on the pavement as they strolled through the quiet streets of London.

As they approached her door, Chris realized he didn’t want the night to end, but he also didn’t want to push things too far. The date had gone better than he could’ve hoped for, and he didn’t want to ruin it by being too forward.

“Well, this is me,”  said, turning to face him with a soft smile. “Thanks for walking me home.”

“Of course,” Chris replied. “I had a really great time tonight.”

“Me too,” she replied, biting her lip as if debating something. “I wasn’t sure what to expect, but… I’m glad we met up.”

Chris nodded, feeling a strange sense of anticipation building in the space between them. “Same here,” he said, his voice a little quieter now.

For a moment, they stood there in the soft glow of the streetlight, the night around them quiet and still. Chris could feel his heart beating faster, and he wasn’t sure if it was the nerves or the fact that he felt an undeniable pull toward the girl.

Before he could second-guess himself,  closed the distance between them, standing on her tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to his lips. It was soft and tentative at first, but when Chris kissed her back, the kiss deepened, and the moment felt electric.

When they finally pulled apart, both were smiling.

“I’ll text you when I get home,” Chris said, feeling a little dazed.

“Please do,”  replied, her cheeks flushed. “Goodnight, Chris.”

“Goodnight, .”

Chris stepped back, pulling out his phone to order an Uber as he walked down the street, his mind still buzzing from the kiss. He glanced back once and saw  standing at her door, watching him go with a smile on her face.

As his Uber arrived, Chris got in, leaning back in the seat with a grin. Something about tonight felt different and he couldn’t wait to see where it would lead.

It had been nearly two months since that first date, and Chris couldn’t stop smiling. His days had settled into a comfortable routine. He was still working hard on his YouTube channel, but between all that, he was spending more and more time with , the girl who had effortlessly slipped into his life and brightened everything up. They hadn’t made their relationship public, not yet. Chris didn’t feel the need to rush into that. For now, he loved having something just for them something that wasn’t for the cameras, his audience, or anyone else. It was real, and it was his. He had already made his mind up before that any relationship he would have wouldn’t be as public as one previous but now he had found it he was more determined to keep things to himself, his own little bubble.

George and the two Arthur’s, had noticed how much happier he seemed lately. It didn’t take long for them to realise what or should that be who the culprit was. George and Arthur Hill were lounging in the living room after filming a video when Chris walked in from another date with , a big smile on his face.

“Alright, Chris,” Arthur said, leaning back in his chair with a mischievous smirk. “How’s the girl?”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “How do you know I was with her?”

“Because you have that dopey grin whenever you come back from seeing her.”

“I do not.”

George chimed in from the kitchen, where he was making a cup of tea. “Arthur’s right. You’ve been suspiciously happy lately. We want details.”

Chris laughed, trying to deflect. “I’m just in a good mood, that’s all.”

“I know!” George shouted from the kitchen. “It’s just good to see you not in grumpy gnome mood that’s all.”

Arthur leaned forward. “So, when do we get to meet this mysterious girl?”

Chris shrugged, he had floated the idea a couple of times and while  had agreed nothing had come to fruition. “I don’t know, soon maybe.”

That conversation had only been the start of it. Over the next week, it wasn’t just George and Arthur asking about Y/N. His other friends; Will, Theo, Reev and other’s who shared the same office were curious too. They could see the changes in him, how much more relaxed and happy he was. Everyone was eager to meet the girl who had bought the old Chris back, well he wasn’t exactly like the old Chris he was a completely new Chris, this girl obviously bought out the best in him.

Chris’s video shoots were notoriously long, started early and finished late with take after take after take so naturally a lot of conversations took place to try and pass the time.

“So, when’s this girl gunna make an appearance?” Theo asked casually as he stretched out his hip.

Chris rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. You guys would like her, I think, but she’s a bit shy about the whole YouTube thing.”

Reev nodded. “That makes sense. Not everyone’s keen on being in the spotlight.”

“Exactly,” Chris said. “But she’s great. I just don’t want to rush her into anything. She does want to meet everyone but I just don’t want to make a big thing out of it you know.”

“Well,” Theo said with a grin, “we were thinking… what if you invited her on the ski trip?”

“The ski trip?”

Theo nodded. “Yeah! It’s in a few weeks. We’re all going, and it could be a good chance for her to get to know everyone in a more chill setting. Plus, who doesn’t like a holiday?” Chris paused, thinking it over, it did make a lot of sense, which he thought was rare for Theo.

A few days later, Chris was spending the evening with . Since she lived alone he spent a lot of time at her flat, they loved enjoying each other’s company without the chaos of the outside world. They were curled up on ’s sofa, a film playing in the background while they shared a bottle of wine. It was one of those perfect, comfortable nights, where neither of them felt the need to fill the silence with endless conversation.

Chris waited until they were halfway through the movie before broaching the subject. “So… my friends have been asking about you.”

 looked up from where she had been resting her head on his shoulder. “Oh? What have they been saying?”

“They’re just curious,” Chris said, choosing his words carefully. “They’ve noticed how happy I’ve been lately, and they want to meet you.”

“You’ve said before, they sound really sweet.”

“They are, in their own way. Theo can be a bit of twat.” Chris joked. “Actually… they suggested something. You know there is this ski trip coming up in a few weeks. All the lads are going; George, Arthur, Will, Theo, Reev. They thought it might be a good opportunity for you to meet everyone in a more relaxed setting.”

The smile on ’s face faltered slightly, and she bit her lip, her brow furrowing in thought.

“You don’t have to say yes,” Chris added quickly. “I just thought I’d mention it.”

Y/n sighed softly and sat up a little straighter, her fingers absentmindedly playing with the edge of the blanket draped over them. “It’s not that I don’t want to meet your friends,” she said carefully. “I really do. It’s just… I don’t know. I’m a bit nervous.”

Chris frowned slightly. “Nervous? About what?”

She gave him a small, apologetic smile. “Chris, you’re part of this huge YouTube world. You’re famous, whether you want to admit it or not. And your friends… they’re all in that world, too. I’m just… a boring civil servant. I’m not sure I’d fit in.”

“Don’t be silly…”

“I’m not being silly. I go to work, home come with a glass of wine and the TV and occasionally go out with my mates. I don’t do these big parties and holidays and cameras, it’s not my world Chris I’m just plain.”

Chris felt a pang in his chest at her words. He hadn’t considered that she might feel this way like she wasn’t good enough for his world, or like she didn’t belong. It stung, not because of what she said, but because he realized he hadn’t done enough to show her how much she meant to him.

“Y/N,” he began softly, turning to face her fully. “You’re not boring. And you don’t have to be part of the YouTube world to fit in with my friends. They’re good people, and they’ll love you for who you are, not for what you do.”

She still looked hesitant, her eyes flickering with uncertainty. “I just… I don’t want to feel like the odd one out. I’ve seen some of your videos with your friends, and it all seems so… fast-paced, so fun. I’m not sure I’d be able to keep up.”

Chris reached out, taking her hand in his. “Listen, you don’t have to be like them to be special. You already are, Y/N. You make me feel like I’m just Chris — not ChrisMD, not the guy on YouTube, but just me. And that’s more than enough.”

Y/N smiled, though her eyes were still a little unsure. “I guess I didn’t realize how much this world of yours intimidated me until now.”

Chris felt a wave of guilt wash over him. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I should’ve realized sooner. I should’ve done more to make you feel special, to show you that you’re not just some girl I’m dating, but someone who means a lot to me.”

Y/N shook her head gently, squeezing his hand. “You do make me feel special, Chris. You really do. I guess it’s just my own insecurities getting in the way.”

Chris leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I want you to feel comfortable, no matter what. If you don’t want to go on the ski trip, that’s totally fine. We can figure something else out.”

Y/N looked up at him, her smile returning in full force now. “Maybe I just needed to hear that,” she said softly. “Maybe I’ll give it a try. I mean, I do want to meet your friends… and it’s a holiday, right? How bad could it be?”

Chris grinned, relieved that she was opening up to the idea. “You’ll have fun, I promise. And if you don’t, we’ll ditch them and go somewhere else.”

Y/N laughed, leaning in to kiss him. “Deal.”

The conversation took a softer turn after that. Chris could feel the tension slowly dissipating, and as the night went on, they both relaxed into each other’s company once again. The closeness they shared now felt deeper, more intimate.

After a while, the movie became little more than background noise as they focused on each other. Chris’s hands wandered across Y/N’s back as she shifted closer, her arms draping around his neck. The kiss they shared earlier was just the start, and now, it felt like they couldn’t get enough of each other.

The hesitation that had been in Y/N’s eyes earlier was gone now, replaced with something else entirely — desire, comfort, and the sense that, in this moment, everything was exactly as it should be.

Chris gently pulled her onto his lap, his hands resting on her hips as they kissed, deeper and slower this time. Y/N’s fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer as their bodies pressed together. It wasn’t rushed or frantic, but rather a slow burn, like they had all the time in the world.

Y/N broke the kiss for just a moment, her lips brushing against his ear as she whispered, “You always know how to make me feel special.”

Chris smiled, his heart swelling with affection for her. “That’s my job, isn’t it?”

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷

135 or 1k for 🍷:

---

It’s like the day he came over to discuss sperm donation. Meaning, they get a little goofy with a round of tequila shots. And then another round. But, hell, if this is what it takes to finally get through to the guy, then Hen will get a little drunk. No biggie. That’s what her wife is doing at home with the other half of this tragic equation, anyway. 

“Are you drunk enough yet?” Hen asks after their second shot.

“Maybe,” Buck shrugs. “I don’t know. Why do you want to know about the Eddie thing?” 

The Eddie thing? Is that what they’re calling hopeless pining in a professional workplace now?

“Because!” Hen responds. “It’s maddening!”

“Maddening?” Buck asks. 

“Yes! I thought when you figured out your whole queer deal, it wouldn’t take too long before-”

“Wait,” Buck says. “You knew I was bi? Before I did?”

Hen shrugs. “There were signs that you might be blessed with some same-sex attraction.”

Buck gapes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“You can’t just tell someone that, Buck!” Hen protests. “It doesn’t work like that!”

“I don’t know,” Buck mumbles. “Sort of did for me. But with more kissing than talking.”

“I don’t want to hear about that,” Hen says. “I want to hear about your feelings for Eddie.”

“What makes you think I have feelings for Eddie?” 

Is he joking?

“Do you?” Hen asks.

“Why do you want to know?” Buck asks.

“You said you’d talk about it, Buck,” Hen reminds him.

“We are talking about it,” Buck replies. “Why do you want to talk about me and Eddie?”

“So there is a you and Eddie?” 

Buck’s face twitches a little. “I didn’t say that.”

“But you want there to be?” She presses. 

Buck thinks before answering. She’s not going to let him keep deflecting. No sir. He can try to run circles around this all he wants, but Hen is not leaving this bar, or letting him leave this bar, until he fesses up. Fesses up and agrees to do something about it. She is determined. 

“Look,” Buck says. “Eddie is the most important person in my life. Or, like, the world. Both. I don’t know.”

Okay, the tequila is hitting. 

“That sounds a lot like love,” Hen says.

“‘Course I love him,” Buck says. “And, you know, whatever that may or may not look like, uh, practically, is good with me.”

Okay, now the tequila is hitting Hen. She is having trouble following. 

“What?” 

“What what?” Buck retorts.

“Okay, so… You’re in love with Eddie.”

“I didn’t say that,” Buck replies.

“I didn’t ask. I know you love him,” Hen replies. 

Buck huffs.

“My question is,” Hen points at him severely. “What are you doing about it?”

“What am I doing about loving Eddie? In the hypothetical scenario where I’m romantically in love with Eddie?”

“Not hypothetical,” Hen says. “But yes. You may answer for the court, Mr. Buckley.”

“Am I on trial?” Buck asks. 

“Yep. Answer. Stop delaying.”

“What am I being charged with? You have to read me my rights,” Buck says.

“Do I look like Athena to you?” Hen asks. “No.”

Buck sighs. “Hen. I’m not supposed to do this.”

“Do what? Talk about Eddie?” 

“Tell you how I feel about Eddie,” Buck clarifies.

“Why? I already know how you feel about Eddie,” Hen explains. “You wear it around like a neon sign.”

“What? No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do,” Hen says. “Everyone around you knows how you feel. And we are all tired of watching you just pine after him.”

“Everyone, huh?” Buck frowns.

“Everyone,” Hen agrees. 

“If that’s true, then wouldn’t Eddie know?” Buck challenges. 

Hen blanks for a second. This is a fair point. Though, Hen has come to categorize Eddie into a type of person she finds particularly fascinating. A very dumb smart person. Medic skills? Fantastic. Ability to act under pressure and use logic to solve problems in the field? Stellar. His emotional intelligence dealing with other people? Advanced. His emotional intelligence dealing with himself? Stunted, to say the least.

“Uh…” Hen tries to find diplomatic phrasing. “I think Eddie might have some blind spots in certain areas.”

“Blind spots?” Buck repeats. 

[nereidprinc3ss]

Hi! I know the post about bartender girl and Spencer was a joke but how comes you don’t like Maeve as love interest? I think I’ve seen you mention it before

spoilers for maeve plotline kinda

i guess it’s because i can appreciate that they were like ok reid is so weird and struggles to connect with people what if we gave him a gf who is JUST like him so that it will be extra sad when we take her away because he’ll never find another girl like that again! so they made her the female reid to increase the feeling of like wow she was such a rare person and was violently taken from him so ofc it’s sad, but she was literally created to die for his character development and it shows.

imo i don’t think she was that effective or interesting as a romantic partner for him. i would have preferred to see him with someone a lot different than him who his connection was so strong with that they made it work anyway. i think that would’ve been a lot more emotionally impactful. i also think it would’ve been more impactful if it were more explicitly romantic and i guess the whole thing with the phone was supposed to be that it was an intellectual connection before a physical one but it straight up would have been more depressing if they had a more legit relationship. i’m not saying they had to fuck bc that’s probably not a step the writers or mgg wanted to take with his character at the time but like imagine if they DID like he sleeps with her once and it’s kinda a huge deal because he’s spencer and then the next day she’s taken and the whole thing happens. it would have been insanely more emotional i think and still could’ve left him with that feeling of things being unresolved. i guess the whole “their connection is intellectual and transcends the physical” didn’t really pan out for me because i just didn’t buy it lmao maybe they didn’t have enough chemistry or their conversations just weren’t written convincingly enough but yeah those are my thoughts.

mostly i really just would’ve liked to see him with someone who challenged him. i think that would’ve been infinitely better for his development anyway

[thebreakfastgenie]

My genetics situation is so bizarre cuz my mom is super prone to cavities but my dad has never had one. I’m lucky my dentist has been reassuring about it, at least- the gist is that well, if it was this bad with the flossing and the specialty mouthwash and toothpaste, then imagine how bad it would’ve been without those things. Which is cold comfort when I have up to seven cavities at one time, but at least they believe me that I floss 😅

Anyway we joke that my dad grew up on a fluoride deposit

Omg thanks for sharing!! I'm glad your dentist is reassuring about it, I think that's becoming more common in recent years but it's hard for me to say for sure because I don't have firsthand experience. And I think it's really hard to strike a balance between encouraging people to do all the hygiene stuff because like you said it does help without making them feel responsible when they inevitably still get cavities. I'm in public health school and finding this balance is a recurring challenge in the field!

Good for you for dealing with all that honestly the flipside of having strong teeth is I have no tolerance for dental stuff whatsoever. I had some teeth pulled as a kid because they didn't fit and a couple years of orthodontic torture but I hear "seven cavities at one time" and I'm like "nope!!!!!" I think there are dental researchers with some promising preliminary results so I'm hoping in the not too distant future science comes up with something to help people like you avoid all that!!

My mom is like me, I think she's maybe had a couple cavities in her life but it's been a long time, and I think maybe dentistry has advanced enough plus changes in environmental factors that someone born in the 60s has a different baseline than someone born in the 90s. My older sibling is similar to me in terms of having the ADHD Dental Hygiene Routine™ and had like one or two cavities as a kid and as far as I know hasn't had any since. We don't really know about my dad because he had a bunch of fillings done when he was a kid but hasn't really had many problems as an adult so we think he may have been a victim of 1950s quack dentistry but I think he's probably still slightly more cavity prone than my mom.

That's a great joke, lol. Maybe he did grow up on a fluoride deposit. That would freak out the conspiracy weirdos.

But you know.... genetics are weird for sure!! There's dominant and recessive and all that so just because something is genetic doesn't mean you exactly take after one or both of your parents, although sometimes it can.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 27

translation anon (new), bucket anon (new), therapist anon, Chesh anon (new), red anon

translation anon

Casss I need help like- I actually don't, but um, you know, so I did something really really bad and I didn't realize and then it's solved but I feel like I suck Still.

I am asian so English is not my mother tongue and, I sometimes speak English sometimes my native. And um, I am dating a black person. And of course I am not racist or anything, she is stunning I love her. I would worship the ground she walked on.

But I accidentally said a slur in English while on the phone. So I was talking to a coworker and he learned I was dating someone who is not American as well and he asked me where do we come from etc, but he was sweet nothing offensive. So I told him, but I mixed it.

My language doesn't have the n word, like- it has yes but it's not used as a slur, it's the literal translation of black so we don't have a word for the slur, thankfully. But, like. I forget English had an offensive word? I used the word Because it's a word and I totally forget it was not the name of the colour? Like.

I felt so bad after my coworker corrected me, and like obviously I apologized to her, made things for her to make myself forgiven (teddy bears and cuddles!!! I sewed the teddy bear)

Anyway she said she understands and it's not a big deal tho. She jokes around with her friends but I know she had been bullied for it before too so I don't know if I am a bad person like. I know there isn't a problem, it was a misunderstanding and I apologized she said there is nothing to forgive but like something in me says I fucked up and I am a bad person for this, am I racist? I don't know like I know I am not but I have thoughts about it and I despise myself for it

Hi!

Okay so, I need to be clear that like...I am white. So I'm not sure how qualified I am to give my opinion on this. I can tell you what I think, but I can't exactly make the final call on if something is racist when I'm not part of a race that's subjected to racism.

But I think like...when people make mistakes like this, the thing to do is to take the mistake and use it as a jumping point to become more educated. If you were to be like 'well I didn't know any better so fuck you for being insulted' then that would be shit of you, because you're using your lack of knowledge as an excuse. But instead, you worked to fix it. Now, maybe you could try to learn more about slurs in English, or the background behind the slur, that way you can avoid this in the future. Everyone has a lack of knowledge in something. But the people who acknowledge their lack of knowledge and continually try to learn, I feel, aren't bad people at all.

But yeah, that's just my opinion...again, I have a LOT of priviledge when looking at this issue.

___

bucket anon

hi- this is stupid, just so you know.

i have an eng lit a level mock tomorrow morning and my parents accidentally scheduled some construction at my house for today, the day before my mock 😭 it was supposed to be may but it got pushed forward. so I spent the day with my best friend, I arrived at her house at 8:30am and we revised and hung out until 6pm and it was great. We literally never argue.

Except, there’s that stupid ice bucket challenge going around and I made a point to literally block alll my friends who were getting tagged in it on insta in front of her because I did not want to be tagged/peer pressure into doing this. Not only do I think it’s insensitive to people with ALS since the challenge was originally for them and now has been rebranded for mental health??? And seems attention seeking now- but I don’t post on my social media. Ever. The only post ive ever made was for my best friends birthday THIS month becuase I knew it meant a lot to her. And fundamentally I don’t have to do it but I didn’t want to have all my friends tag me in this thing when I don’t want my face on my social media. One of my friends who I blocked tagged me on my account which I use for ART, that’s a portfolio, and I don’t fucking know why she thought it was OKAY to tag me on that, but I just blocked her on that and ignored it. I get it’s funny or whatever but I genuinely don’t like most social media and only have it cause my friends wanted me to have it. (and btw I was gonna unblock them in a few days when the challenge is over- and it’s only on insta that I blocked them).

Anyway i made my best friend promise not to tag me in her ice bucket challenge in exchange for me not blocking her so she could send me reels. And wtf did she do but TAG ME? I know she thinks it’s funny and i’m probably overreacting but i genuinely hate this chain mail shit and i thought i made that really obvious to her literally allll day today. I’m scared off my mind about my exam tomorrow and i saw she tagged me in this stupid challenge and i literally- it was the last straw I burst into tears.

Also- she promised. promises actually mean something to me and I thought she understood me??? and understood that. but I guess not.

im not really that mad. i just messaged her “good luck sending me reels now” and blocked both her insta accounts.

she can still message me on everything else, she prob doesn’t even realise im mad. idk if I should tell her. This is a tough time for me, im scared about exams and it’s just been a year since my grandad died out of no where and my mean aunt is coming up to scatter his ashes next week during the rest of my mocks and so yes I do think im being over sensitive about this but I really just cannot deal with another stupid thing and I thought my best friend understood that when she promised not to tag me but I guess not 😭

Hi!

I don't think this is stupid at all! Because the thing is, maybe the actual issue- the ice bucket challenge- is a small thing, compared to the other things you're dealing with. But the fact that you set a boundary and explicitly told your best friend about your boundary and she ignored you is a bigger issue. It's frustrating and I can see why this feels like a betrayal. It's disrespectful for ANY boundary to be broken by someone you trust, but especially during an overwhelming time with so much going on, it can be super upsetting. Your emotions are definitely valid.

If you explain it to her like that- that she broke a boundary and you're upset- would she listen and take you seriously?

I hope your exam went well <3

__

therapist anon

Hey cas therapist anon here

Basically my birthdays coming up and my cousin (same on as before) is a couple days after me

So we're discussing birthday presents and I mentioned that my dad asked for my wish list and I joked if I should add the dior stick foundation

She then said 'oh ask him to buy me the rare beauty bronzer cos I'm the best neice'

So I said no cos wtf? I also said that her dad doesn't buy me stuff so why should my dad buy her stuff right? Her parents believe in individuality so she buys most stuff whereas my parents will buy me things they don't mind spending money on (such as pads, bras, knickers etc) cos those are necessities do u know what I mean?

She said she feels bad when her dad spens money on her but, ans I quote, 'but not when you do'

I just...didn't really know what to say to that cos she probably meant it as a joke but I just had to pause, blink and go what the fuck?

Should I tell her that these jokes aren't funny cos they're just weird cos obviously I'm.not gonna ask my dad to buy her stuff just cos her parents don't belive in that. And if I do tell her, how would I word it?

Thanks so much for listening lots of love ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hi!

This isn't the first time she's tried to get things/money from you, right? Honestly, it sounds like that's her goal, here. If it were me, I'd do one of two things. If I wanted to be healthy and mature, I'd say something like, 'Asking him that would make me uncomfortable, but you're welcome to ask him yourself!' in a polite voice. That way you're not shutting her down completely, but you're putting the ownership on her.

If I wanted to be petty, I'd wait until I was in a room with both her and your dad and be like "Oh dad, cousin wants you to buy x for her, isn't that funny?" and watch her squirm.

But I'm not advocating for pettiness....

Sending love!

__

Chesh anon - TW ED

Hi hon! I want to let you know I'm here for you and my inbox is open anytime <3 I know this seem scary and you feel alone, but you aren't.

Do you have a teacher or guidance counselor or family friend you can talk to? Any adult that might be able to help?

If you live in the US, this hotline might be helpful. If not, and you feel comfortable, lmk what country you're in and I'll find a hotline for you <3

Sending so much love!

___

Red anon

Hi! I read your poem! OMG, the last line... "I love her like the moon loves the earth— not expecting to land, just grateful to glow in her light." Fuck, that hit me hard, that's SO beautiful, and ouch, so heartbreaking. You're very talented.

[idontplaytrack]

✧ Charming

AJ Campos x fem! reader

Warnings: fluff, some coarse language, implied smut at very end

In which AJ and reader bake a cake for their 3-month anniversary, but it turns into a big ‘ol mess.

Requested? Yes / No

(Pictures used are from Pinterest and my own)

“So, what’re gonna do today, babe?” Asked AJ.

“Right?” You chuckle, leaning your head onto her shoulder for a moment. “What do you feel like doing?”

“I mean, three months is a bit of a big deal. A quarter of a year together.” AJ mentions, winding an arm around your waist while you snuggled closer to her chest.

“We could always…bake a cake? It’s a celebration, kinda. I think that calls for some cake.”

“Yeah, we could do that. Of course, honey.” AJ nodded, wrapping her other arm around you. She plants a kiss to the crown of your head, “How ‘bout we go do some grocery shopping? Get what we need and stuff.”

“Sure.” You looked up at her with a smile on your face. She looks down at you, “Let’s go, baby. Up we go.” Still in your pyjamas, you and AJ got changed then did the rest of your morning routines. “It’s barely past 8a.m.— you wanna take a drive into the city?” AJ suggests while brushing her hair, “The Targets are open already anyway.”

“Ooh.” You gasped, “Yeah, let’s do that. Can we go to Build A Bear too?”

AJ turned around to face you, “Sure we can.” She grins, “Should be fun. Haven’t been there in years. We said we have to stop having fun anyway?”

Once the both of you were ready, you guys got into her car and AJ started driving. It was an approximately two-hour drive from Rhinebeck into Manhattan. You dozed off for a but due to the motions of the car, but was soon woken up by the sounds of the city. “Shit, I was out for so long?” You grumbled. “It’s okay.” AJ flashes you a quick smile, “Don’t worry about it.” Finding a parking spot was proven to be quite the challenge, but she got that done. And soon enough, you and AJ were walking into the grocery store. She grabs a basket before you could. You offered to hold on to it, on account that she drove here, but she insisted.

“Hey.” AJ tapped your shoulder softly, “Why don’t we have a little fun? Let’s each go around the store and grab some stuff we think the other person will like.”

“Cute.” You laugh lightly.

“Let’s do a drink, a candy, a chocolate, a bag of chips and one more extra thing— whatever you think I’ll like and I’ll get you something that I think you’ll like.”

“Okie-dokie. Got it.”

“Let’s meet up near the checkout line in thirty minutes?” AJ continues excitedly.

“No problem.” You mirrored her smile.

“Good luck~” AJ teases.

“Won’t need it, babe.” You chuckle, turning around to go the other way.

You didn’t use up more than fifteen minutes to gather everything you knew she’d like, so you pretty much spent the remaining time roaming the store just to see it. Right before thirty minutes was up, you headed for the checkout line to meet with AJ— she walks up to you at the same time. You let her go ahead of you in the line since she was closer to it than you were. And when the cashier was scanning the items you looked at anywhere but her, not wanting to spoil the surprise for yourself. You two were out of there soon enough and went to put those bags in her car before taking the Subway to get to the store you wanted to go to.

“Oh, my God. This place looks so different than I remember it being.” You remarked once you set foot into the store.

“Are you talking about the colour scheme because this one kinda sucks?” AJ whispered.

“AJ!” You chided quietly, seeing a staff member approach.

“The use of primary colours their old layout was way better. This place looks like a hospital.” AJ continues.

“Okay, Kingpun.” You joked, “Should we go then?”

“No. No.” She says, “No, you wanted to come here so we’re gonna make whatever you wanna make before we go.”

“Making a matching one with me.” You requested.

“Yeah, of course.” AJ agrees immediately, eyes scanning the options before her. While it’s been years since either of you have been at Build A Bear, the process was pretty much self-explanatory so you two got through the whole thing without any problems. “These are not cheap.” AJ laughs, checking the prices of the tiny clothing on the shelves, “I get why my Mom never wanted me to go here.”

You guffawed, “Yeah, but it’s just one though, right? Since my Mom threw away my whole collection that I had gathered over like— thirteen years.”

“What? That is so— she just threw all of them out without asking you?” AJ squinted at you for a second before attempting to put a t-shirt on her teddy bear, “The head’s so big. How’d you even get it through?” AJ giggles, you told her, “I just squished it and pushed it through.”

“Well.” She bit back a grin, “Yeah, okay.”

“Okay, let’s go pay for these before we end up buying more stuff than we need.” You urged.

“For sure.” AJ agrees, “Come on, baby.” She took your hand and walked to the checkout.

————

“AJ, why did you pay for me? I could’ve—”

“I wanted to.” She smiled, fingers still interlaced with yours as you walked back to the Subway station. “It’s a gift, alright? Take it. You never want anything, anyway. So just…let me give this to you, hm?”

You sighed quietly, squeezing her hand, “Alright.”

After roaming the city for a little while, and a nice snack— you and AJ decided to it was a good time to drive back home. “Did you have fun?” She asks, hand smoothly finding its way to your thigh for comfort.

“Yep.” You confirmed, “I had a good time. Reliving my childhood and all, without the screaming in my face about prices over a tiny hoodie.”

AJ bit back a laugh which turned into a chuckle as she caresses your thigh, “I’m glad I could let you have a better experience.”

You looked over at her and smiled, “I still think my Mom could have been nicer to me about it. You know? I was what, five or six? And she just raised her voice at me instead of telling me no at a normal volume?”

She doesn’t really say anything, but her hand was still running up and your thigh and then giving it a squeeze.

You offered to take over and drive instead halfway through but AJ still insisted to finish it herself. “I can drive, you know that right? I’m not gonna crash your car.” You giggled.

“I know that.” She smiles while replying, “I just wanna do this, you know? I love having you in the passenger’s seat while I put my hand on your thigh. I don’t know what that’s about, but I just like it.”

You hummed in response, “Oh, okay.” Her thumb softly brushes across your skin at that, and you say, "I like it too."

AJ only smiles back at you while she kept her eyes on the road. You loved seeing her smile— it always made you so happy.

Once you and AJ arrived back at her house, you two were met with her Mom making lunch in the kitchen. "Wow, you girls were up early." Her Mom looks over her shoulder for a second.

"Hey, Mom." AJ went over to give her a hug, "We woke up early so we drove into the city for a bit. Got a few things since we're celebrating today. Three months." "Time flies, doesn't it?" Her Mom commented.

"Indeed." AJ agrees while you walked up to them. She presses a kiss to your cheek, "Hi." You gave her a small smile in return, "Wow, you're making those stuffed avocado bowls? Lucky me."

Her Mom laughs, "She says you like 'em. And I know you're here, so I decided to make this." "Aww. You did?" You looked at AJ.

"I mentioned that you liked it, yes. But you have also complimented her for this dish before, remember?" AJ teases, "Okay, we're gonna go freshen up then we'll be right back, okay, Mom?"

"Of course, mija. Go ahead."

After lunch, you asked AJ if she wanted to watch a movie. "You pick one, honey." AJ nodded in agreement, grabbing the remote to turn the TV on. She hands it over to you, then went to grab the two bags of snacks and things you both got from earlier. You took yours, she took hers, then she sat down, opening up her arms for you to get closer and snuggle with her. "This one?" Your eyes flicked up to look at her. "The Object of My Affection." She reads off the screen, "This is a good one, yeah, sure. Whatever you want." You pressed play and put the remote away. "Just so you know, it's you though." She says quietly, her chin resting on the top of your head.

You let out a small laugh, "Alright, flirty." AJ slides her hand down to find yours before intertwining your fingers together. "Wanna see what I got you?"

"Definitely." She peeks into her bag of stuff from you, "I love all of these, babe, thank you. What is— oh. These socks are so silly, I love them." You cupped her cheek and pulled her face closer to peck her on the lips, "You know me better than my Mom does, not gonna lie. Everything is spot on. Even the freaking candle I've been eyeing for like two weeks."

"You like?" AJ grins, licking her lips then kissing you this time.

"Are you kidding? Of course, I do." While she snacked on some Sour Patch Kids, you munched on a bag of chips that she got you, both of you now completely focused on the movie playing. You and AJ ended up watching another movie after this before deciding that you guys were bored. "Maybe take a nap." Her Mom suggested while doing her daily reading at the dining table.

"Great idea." AJ took you upstairs by the hand, "See you later, Mom." The older woman laughs, "Sleep tight."

Once AJ got comfortable, you rested your head on her chest while laying stomach down. Her hand tangles in your hair, giving your scalp a massage which was easily lulling you to sleep. "You okay?" She asks, a tiny bit concerned that you were this clingy.

You mumbled unclearly, nodding your head, "Can we bake a cake when we wake up?"

"Okay." AJ agrees readily.

"Promise?" You continued.

"I promise." She answered wholeheartedly.

————

A couple hours later, you and AJ were in the kitchen getting ready to bake a cake. She got the recipe from her Mom, then proceeded to gather the ingredients. While she read off the paper, you snuck a kiss to her shoulder and made her squirm while a smile was plastered onto her face. “Hey, you.” AJ locked eyes with you for a beat, “What ya doin’?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” She asked, playful glint in your eyes as you pulled away and looked at her.

“Kissing me?” She nearly snorted, setting down the bag of flour.

“What’s so funny?” You ask, pushing yourself to sit on the kitchen island.

“Nothing.” She tells you, “You’re cute.”

“You’re also pretty fucking cute yourself.” You cracked a smile, she steps closer to you.

“Charming.” She smiles pulling you close eagerly and pressing a kiss to your lips. You happily welcomed the contact, deepening it quickly. One of her hands rests on your hip while the other cups your cheek, her kisses were soft and warm and comforting— you just couldn’t stop. Her hand brushes against the bag of flour as you leaned back and you got an idea, sticking your hand into the open bag, you got some of the flour and sprinkled it on her face as soon as she broke away. AJ tries to keep a straight face but very quickly failed. “It’s on, baby. It is so on.” She had a devious little smile on her face as she swiftly retaliated, causing a squeal to burst out of your mouth before you jumped off the counter to run away from her.

“Hey!” You gasp, a hand on your hip while you glared at her when she threw a handful of the flour at you and successfully dirtied your shirt.

She couldn’t stop chuckling, “It’s hard to be intimidated by you, honey. You’re so small.”

Brushing it off your shirt as best as you could, you quickly ran for the bag pf flour on the counter to grab some so you could get back at her. She dodged, and hit you again. You yelped, “God, I suck.”

“You started it, you’re not gonna win though.” AJ smirked, “Are you gonna surrender?”

“Yes, but you gotta keep that bag so we both can’t touch it anymore. Whatever we need is already—”

“Girls.” You heard. Both of you turned to look at her mom so quickly. “Oh, no, I’m so sorry.” You gasped, horrified, “We’ll clean this up as soon as we get the cake in the oven.”

“Why do you have your phone up like that?” AJ pointed out, “Were you recording us?”

“Yeah.” She admits, “It was really cute. I’ll send it to you later.”

AJ laughs in disbelief, “Wow. Uh, thanks Mom.” With that being said, AJ grabs the broom and immediately swept up everything. “I’m s—”

“Don’t be.” Her Mom assured, “We all need to have some fun sometimes. I’ll be in my room, but save me a slice.”

“Sure thing.” AJ promised, putting away the broom and dustpan before washing her hands so she could finish mixing the cake batter. Once she put the cake pan into the oven, she focuses completely on you again. “Hi, pretty.” She says. With you leaning against the kitchen island, she places her palms on either side of you and successfully traps you. “Now, where were we?” She grins, tilting your chin up by the finger.

————

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @reneeswif3 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

[destinyc1020]

confession sunday (I promise this isn’t hate I’ve just been thinking this for a long while): definitely wish tom and z were in agreement on how private they’d like to keep their relationship. with these last few months, tom was basically a zendaya fan page promoting her for dune and challengers (even though she didn’t need it). I think that allowed people to hope for a bday post from her for Tom’s birthday but she’s on a completely different wavelength: unfollowed everyone, not posting for Tom’s bday, not mentioning anything about R&J, etc. it’s no wonder the running joke is tom is in love while z just loves him 🥴 unfortunately it also opens up a discussion about z not showing her true feelings which I definitely feel people bring up in an anti black sort of way to insinuate black women as cold and not as emotionally available. all in all, they present themselves on different levels of how private their relationship actually is.

Thank you for your confession Anon. I will admit, I really don't quite understand your logic about this. Tom and Z are both private in their relationship, and they're also two different people. They may have different social media habits, different likes/dislikes, and just different ways of operating in the world. It doesn't mean that they're not in harmony with how to live their relationship privately. Obviously, as two people who have been in a relationship with each other for years, they talk about EVERYTHING.

Z unfollowed everyone on social media for reasons that had NOTHING to do with Tom. Why would it have anything to do with him?🥴 We don't know everything that's going on in her life.

Also, I kind of noticed that not too many people wished Tom HBD this year. Maybe it was his choice? Maybe he asked people not to post much for his birthday? Maybe he didn't want people making a big deal? If I recall, I don't think Nikki even posted anything for him this year. Does that mean he and his mom have beef? C'mon! LOL 😅

I really think you should watch what Paris Jackson says below about wishing her father Happy Birthday on social media. Turns out, Michael Jackson never really wanted people to be celebrating his birthday or wishing him HBD anyway in the first place! Which was his RIGHT!

I think fans really need to let go of this idea of thinking that they know more about a celebrity and their relationships with other people based on social media posts/likes/etc. It's so stupid. Imagine STRANGERS thinking that they know about your depth of feelings for someone more than you yourself. Smh.

Also, Z mentioned Tom UNPROMPTED MIND YOU during the DUne 2 Press tour, and the Challengers press tour. To me, I think she's perfectly fine? Just because she's a private person, it doesn't mean she doesn't love the man. IF Tom wants to like posts from her Fan accounts, so what?? Let him! He can like his gf's pics online if he wants. We only see a snippet of what Z does for Tom. So, for fans to assume that she doesn't love him that much just because of what they only physically see with their own eyes is just total rubbish to me. Tom has been with her for almost 8 years. He went BACK to her even after dating 2 other women. There is NO way he would have done that if he felt that Z didn't love him back...

Also want to add: I'm kind of sick and tired of this narrative that Z (or other woc) have to somehow "PROVE" their love for their bf, when white women are never ever expected to do the same. 😒🙄

TL;DR Version: Social media isn't everything.

Btw.... Paris so so GORGEOUS. She should seriously model lol.

[axolotlsupremacyowo]

Rise for Justice, 1st Investigation (I) Preview 3!

The two entered the Fey & Co. Law Offices, and as soon as they were inside, Apollo spoke up.

“Ms. Fey, I’m sorry about my dad.” Apollo said.

Maya was confused. “Eh? Apollo, he’s a grown man. You shouldn’t be saying sorry for other people.”

“I know, but he wasn’t always like that. Dad has changed.” Apollo said.

(He…changed? Huh? What was he like before?)

Maya was quiet for a moment, before she asked. “…How did he change?”

“He’s changed…a lot. He’s the opposite of what he used to be like.” Apollo sighed, sitting on one the sofa, resting his hands on the table. “He used to be really goofy, fun loving. He’d joke around with all the officers and detectives, pull pranks on the prosecutors…He was even a part time musician at one point.”

“Really? What happened?” Maya asked, sitting on the cushion next to him. She was a little unbelieving. It was honestly hard to picture such a calloused face even just smiling.

“He quit his music career a few years ago, when I was a baby.  We went to Khura’in Kingdom together, there was fire at the place we stayed at and I almost died.” Apollo began.

“Jesus! You almost died?!” Maya cried out. “That must’ve been scary!”

“It was, but thankfully Dad saved me, and after he decided to focus more on his police work.” Apollo continued, sighing. “But even when he had quit his music, he still…he wasn’t like this. He wasn’t an asshole, he was still the same old fun loving Dad. Maybe it’s because…” He bit his lip, leaving Maya to speculate on what he was about to say.

Maya opened her mouth to ask, but decided against it when she saw Apollo’s tired defeated face. Gently, she sat down next to him, resting her elbows on the table and giving him a reassuring smile. (I don’t really know how to deal with kids, Nick and Mia were way better than me with that stuff, but…) She examined the way Apollo’s face fell, the way he seemed so down and frustrated, and she knew what she had to do. (But that doesn’t really matter right now! Apollo is in a bad place, and well…I need to help him! It’s what Mia and Nick would’ve wanted.)

“Hey, why don’t we investigate together? You can be my assistant for this one.” Maya said.

“Mm…” Apollo unenthusiastically nodded, but Maya knew just the way to cheer him up.

“You know, you’re really good at telling when people are lying.” Maya chuckled when she saw a small smile form on his face. “It’s psychology related, isn’t it? Why don’t you tell me about it?”

“W-Well! I can do more than that actually, but I can’t exactly scientifically document it. It’s sort of a personal thing…I’ll tell you later.” Apollo stood up, now smiling widely. “Anyway, let’s go now. I’ve never been to a real investigation before.”

Maya jumped up, the familiar rush of adrenaline coursing through her. The feeling of mystery, intrigue, and sheer challenge. As tiring as cases were, she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss the excitement of it. “Alright! No time for moping when there’s a murder to solve, let’s do this!”

The two of them exited the law firm, Apollo giving Maya the directions to the prosecutor’s office.

Read the rest on AO3!