#so it was this joke that was like “he’s Dio not Diavolo” or something like that but I never got the joke properly articulated

[quibbs126]

Wait, Kellen Goff IS in this game?!

[shineonyoucrazyyandere]

What WOULD'VE happen if its the jofoes who saw a kid up skirting reader aka their darling?

I know they're villains and is very much cruel, but they wouldn't kill a child...right? (1-8, since the jofoes in P-9 haven't been revealed yet.)

Hmmm I could see a couple of instances of that happening, sadly (but I mean they are villains, but some are more restrained than others, perhaps more for image than anything)

Yandere! Part 1 (Pre Vampire) Dio - I could see this going with him yanking the brats hair and shoving them to the ground. It’s fairly easy for him to maintain his positive status to outsiders, so he could have something happen to them later (but I’d consider this the best outcome for that kid).

Yandere! Post Vampire Dio

Big chance this kid may die by being manipulated by Dio himself, he might decide to turn them/zombify them by apologizing and groveling (chance they could attack their own family). There’s also a chance the kid could just flat out be devoured by the other zombies, the blond wouldn’t even flinch at that. If he’s sorely out of patience he might kill/maim them himself, but it never would come to that. Keep in mind Dio was the type to turn a mother into a vampire and she ended up eating her own child.

Yandere! Kars

Absolutely no cares given about slaughtering a child, not even joking here. He only cares about you, not some slimy brat that decided to pull some nonsense on you. He’d probably lick you clean of the blood afterwards as well. No matter how mad or upset you got, would not make him anymore remorseful for the dead body strewn on the ground.

Yandere! Part 3 DIO

You’d more than likely be held captive in the mansion he’s in, within Egypt so this happening is unlikely. But in the unlikely event something like this happens, he’ll state how brazenly stupid such a move was. Unless he can use the kid in someway, he really doesn’t care what happens to them. So he might “punish” the kid as he sees it fit or have a stand user take care of them.

Yandere! Yoshikage Kira

As long as this kid didn’t see his rather “unusual” indulgences in the past, he doesn’t see a need to murder them right there, though I could see him consider it internally, where the kid wouldn’t be seen. He’s absolutely miffed however, and does grab their hand in a painful way though. Gives them the nastiest glare and reprimand there is, and the kid probably runs off heavily unsettled.

Yandere! Diavolo

Doppio is likely the one to take care of this of course, not that Diavolo he himself isn’t miffed. This probably just makes him consider to keep you locked away somewhere permanently. (This probably happens shortly after this little thing). Doppio makes sure to get it through this kids head, with the harshest grip known to man, that you don’t go doing that to anyone. Let alone anyone he or his boss likes.

Yandere! Enrico Pucci

His reaction is interesting, he is irritated perhaps even a bit visibly by this child’s behavior. He can’t let this kid get away with deciding to upskirt his darling either. He also is a priest image wise, so he has that to consider when punishing this adolescent person. He still has a firm grip on them and decides to take them aside and talk. He’ll face away from you while doing so, and moments later the kid is suddenly apologizing. You can’t tell if Pucci has an uncanny knack for speaking with people or if it’s something else. (It’s likely both).

Yandere! Funny Valentine

He’ll stop this kid almost immediately and there’s a sound of a smack to the back of the head. A stern look and a small speech about respect, Funny Valentine somehow manages to make the kid shame with those words. He wouldn’t let the kid run either and would personally escort them back home to their parents. As busy as he is as a president something childish like that won’t be overlooked by him. There’s a brief dark look in his eye, he can pull the strings to make things happen, he just doesn’t feel the need to expend them here. He does ask you to follow him closer for now on, (maybe an extra guard but he finds it more efficient to be the one to protect you)

Yandere! Toru

He certainly doesn’t appreciate it, and somehow they end up tripping or have some little mishap happen. Yet there’s a bit of a hum in his voice when he tells them he shouldn’t be doing such a thing to people. Any anger or frustration that gets thrown off at Toru, he nonchalantly brushes off. Suggesting the kid apologize, and nothing more will come of it. But there is a stern veiled threat in there somewhere that makes the kid decide to walk off.

[incorrectinfinity]

@heatwa-ves AN OPPORTUNITY TO YAP!?!?!?

Mainly it's personal issues with taste.

I am not really an enjoyer of Diavolo, I think his motivations beyond his need for anonymity were unclear and kinda disappointing. Don't get me wrong I appreciate pure evil villains who do what they want when they want, but they have the right personality for it (DIO and Kira) in my opinion Diavolo did not have that much of an interesting personality and was mainly just underwhelming. His most interesting trait was his care for Doppio but after their separation he didn't mention him once so like?

I also wish he had something more to do with Giorno to help make up for his lack of screentime. When watching the first time I thought that he was going to be revealed to have something to do with Giorno's hero, but that's not really a criticism of the part itself it's just something I would've done.

Along with that I am not a big fan of body swapping either, there were many moments that I found annoying or just insanely abrupt considering the dark tone established with the previous arcs and how hugely this was built up to. I made a joke about it in the post this comment was under it about how Mista and Trish's silly conversation was abruptly met with Giorno's final monolog. That scene just entirely summarizes my thoughts about Chariot Requiem as an arc.

Though to be fair to it, at least in the dub the voice actors are all trying to do impressions of eachother and that is fucking great I actually loved that a lot.

And then. Rolling stones.

In this final arc with all of the characters that we had lost.... why wasn't Fugo used more?

It just bothers me, and again the tone of Part 5's ending is so insanely inconsistent it makes my head spin. I get that it flows with the theme of fate throughout part 5 but also I really did not need this arc to be satisfied with the ending. It feels abrupt and out of place.

I really would've preferred getting answers to what happened from Giorno's victory onward, but Araki only writes what he finds interesting so maybe he knows it would've been sucky. I am still curious.

On the other side Narancia's death was literally the perfect scene, the final anime-original tribute to him breaks my heart into a million billion pieces.

Bruno's self sacrifice also makes me emotional and one of my favorite scenes of part 5 is where he tells Mista to shoot his body, with Giorno clarifying to say that it's meant to slow him down. Them staring at eachother afterwards is fucking brilliant. Giorno's optimism built upon denial is so interesting to me... he gives me brain worms.

Also very few classic dub insults. The only one I can think of is Mista saying "Golden Wind Whatchmacallit" and I don't think that counts. 0/10 terrible part I hate jojo.

[skysquid22]

What Makes Jotaro Kujo The Most Powerful Stand User

Sorta. Arguably he’s beaten out (with good reason) by GER Giorno and Johnny’s Act 4 Tusk in terms of power, but in-universe he’s considered to be the world’s most powerful Stand user both by characters within the text treating him as such and the overall narrative.

Case shut, post over it seems, but let’s dig a little deeper into the why… besides being the main character.

The above screenshot frames Jotaro as the most powerful Stand user, but he doesn’t even have the most powerful version of his Stand in Diamond is Unbreakable (it’s actually the weakest). The Stand stats page for Stone Ocean’s Star Platinum reveals that the most powerful version of Jotaro is “when Jotaro was in his prime (18 years old).”

Narratively, the most powerful Stand user is Jotaro at the very tail end of Stardust Crusaders, after he has gained Time Stop. This is his prime. Another way to pop the bubble on my own analysis here is point out that canon focuses on this moment because it’s right when he kills DIO. Very much usurping a king to take the crown.

But before the story ended, we saw Prime Jotaro do something else which I believe is (also) what makes him the most powerful Stand user in existence. It’s a small, almost forgotten moment. Tucked in between Jotaro learning about Kakyoin’s death and reviving his grandfather.

It’s the time when Jotaro tries the impossible.

SDC Time Stop Jotaro isn’t considered the most powerful Stand user because he’s in his physical prime with a powerful ability. He’s considered that because this was the very moment he decided to try. That’s what makes him the most powerful Stand user.

Which makes it all the more painful meaning that the times that Jotaro fails are the moments were he doesn’t try enough.

More analysis below the cut. Spoilers for part 6 btw.

There’s that common joke pointing out how ridiculous it is that Jotaro tells Josuke that “you can’t bring back a life once it’s lost” after Josuke’s grandfather dies because Jotaro was literally able to do just that. Sure, the circumstances were different especially with the vampire blood giving immortality, but Jotaro’s attempt was to see if flushing Joseph’s body back with his Joestar blood would revive him, with no intention to turn him vampiric (which it doesn’t. Or it does and Joseph gets the immortality but not the rest of the bad side effects. Joestar blood is too op pls fix in next patch dev team). Regardless, it’s pretty odd and perhaps unintentional parallel that two grandfathers tip the bucket and one survives and the other’s grandson is told that the dead will always remain dead.

Speaking from a in-universe perspective, Jotaro’s speech to Josuke should be taken at as the truth. Bruno dies against Diavolo during their first encounter, with him essentially living as a ghost(/soul) within his own withering corpse thanks to Giorno’s intervention. More obviously in Stone Ocean, when Pucci finds Perla’s body and gets a memory of DIO telling him that there’s no way to bring back the dead.

So the one exception of cheating death outright is in Joseph being revived by Jotaro. It could be explained by the aforementioned vampire/Joestar blood BS. It could be a simple retcon that got established in DiU so a situation like Joseph wouldn’t happen again. Both interpretations make sense and I would agree with both.

However, I would like to argue that Joseph’s miraculous survival is not a narrative oversight. His revival is proof of Jotaro’s power as a direct result of Jotaro’s willingness to try. Jotaro plans for DIO and Joseph’s body to be put into the same ambulance to return the Joestar blood back to his grandfather. It’s an idea he’s not even sure that works, he asks the doctors if it was possible to transfer blood between the corpses. Joseph is very much dead at this point. If Jotaro calling Joseph’s body a corpse and seeing his soul float off wasn’t enough proof, the doctors immediately call the revival plan impossible/useless.

I want to stress this is the worst night of Jotaro’s life.

Right before this scene happens he overhears the radio confirm that Kakyoin is dead. He went into the final fight with DIO knowing Avdol and Iggy were both dead, upping the pressure to keep the rest of his friends/family alive. He watched his grandfather die right in front of him and DIO promptly desecrate the corpse. If it weren’t for his own actions, Polnareff would be dead too. He doesn’t know if he killed DIO in time either, from his perspective his mom could’ve died before he could save her in time. (Ha. Time.)

I suppose, in a sea of despondent despair, there was no other options than to cling to the impossible. After all, against all odds, he was able to learn Time Stop and kill DIO. He had to make it worth it. He was there to save his family, his friends died to save his family, if Joseph or Holly died… well.

He wanted to beat the odds again. And he did. In a way, this is him beating fate or at the very least—fate was literally in his hands and he made the decision to bring his grandfather back no matter what.

In DiU and beyond, Jotaro becomes resigned to fate and thus the weakening of his power overall. If fate determined that his friends would die in Egypt, then that would lessen the weight of blame on him and put their deaths as more of an inevitability. Fate is final. You can’t change it.

Jotaro doesn’t feel pressured to act upon something until he has to, then he does what he needs to be done. In SDC he doesn’t really care about women until they need to be saved or protected. In DiU he says he “hates doing anything tiring” as he saved Koichi from Sheer Heart Attack. He doesn’t visit Jolyne until she’s in jail because of a plot against him (and he couldn’t let DIO’s resentment ruin his daughter’s life).

The actions he takes are what he believes to be the best option, but that option is probably a compromise, not an attempt at the best possible outcome. His treatment to Jolyne is the subject here. He focused his priorities on keeping his family safe by baiting his enemies to himself instead of them, instead of trying to find a compromise where he could be with his daughter and protect her. I can’t blame Jotaro for this decision, but I also can’t avoid the simple fact that he hurt himself and his family for being distant. When fate does catch up, as he expects it to, it bites him in the ass—the stubbornness of DIO’s followers outlived Jotaro’s and he ends up in a coma, unable to act and unable to protect his daughter.

I don’t mean to say that effort isn’t shown by him, he’s extremely observational and analytical and uses those skills to his advantage in practically every fight he’s in. I think the Anubis fight is good proof of that, being brought to his physical limits to the point he can’t move after it. He tries plenty, but it seems clear to me that he tends to only lose when he’s not trying hard enough.

He almost died to a rat because he didn’t plan ahead and figure that the bullets would ricochet. In Stone Ocean, his Time Stop isn’t long enough to save everyone from Made In Heaven. He didn’t maintain his prime Time Stop or sought to expand it, because that was DIO’s goal or, more simply, he didn’t bother to. He went ten years of not needing to use it until Josuke forces him to.

Even with his ability becoming duller in later parts, the story and characters still treat Jotaro like The Most Powerful Stand User. In DiU, after the culmination of the Gang’s efforts, it’s up to Jotaro to stop Kira from reactivating BtD. In Stone Ocean, it’s up to Jotaro to kill Pucci when no one else is literally able to. Stardust Crusaders’ final fight is when Jotaro is completely alone, when there’s no one left but him to stop DIO.

The narrative again and again reenforces the idea that Jotaro is the strongest Stand user in the story, that everything falls on his shoulders and he is the one to make sure the evil dies and who’s left, lives. Past part 3, the narrative continues to say that he’s the most powerful Stand user, but it’s also clear that it’s not true anymore. His Time Stop isn’t as strong as it was in his prime. He no longer lives up to the expectation he made for himself in the few minutes after he killed DIO.

That moment in the ambulance, that’s the moment Jotaro tries without the pressure of death—the dust has already settled—or his own sense of justice—the evil has been fought. Joseph is dead and DIO is dead. Out of the desire and the off chance that he could hear his grandfather share stupid trivia with him, Jotaro reaches for the impossible, the best possible outcome, and gets it.

After the end of Stardust Crusaders, Jotaro no longer is at his ‘prime’. For someone who hates useless things, he becomes what he deems as useless. He’ll live the rest of his life in the shadow of his own self, the self that proved that he could do the impossible.

[foxydivaxx]

Giorno Giovanna Actor AU

- Giorno rivals his dad in the fashion department. Like this kid always steps out in the latest drip and has a lot of followers on Instagram for that reason 

- Giorno is an amazing dancer and singer and often posts videos of himself singing and dancing on social media.

-He looks up to Eren Jaeger (who is like kpop legend Rain in this universe)

-Eren ironically is Dio’s godson hence why both boys are close. Eren is his mentor

- He learned how to dance from Eren since Eren was an idol in training alongside his friends years ago

- Giorno had always dreamt of working with Eren someday and got his wish when he and Eren appeared on variety shows together. They also performed dance performances together a couple times. 

- Giorno appeared in one of Eren’s music videos and did a dance choreography with the backup dancers alongside Josuke who is just as good of a dancer as he is. Both boys were able to keep up with everyone else much to the surprise of the rest of the Jojo cast.

- Both boys got some good screentime and were in the center of the dancers at the beginning of the video(Gonna write something about this)

- Giorno and Josuke learned the dance moves within 3 weeks

- Giorno and Josuke have been discussing creating a band of theirs launching their solo careers afterwards. The plan is to have a 7 member group. Aogiri are aware of this and are supportive. They have spoken to Yuji an old friend of theirs who agrees to the plan

- Giorno and Diavolo are friends in real life and get along well. They often crack jokes about their characters.

- Of all of Dio’s kids, he is the one that resembles him the most in looks and personality

- This kid is a riot in variety shows due to his sarcasm and wit which he inherited from his dad

- Whenever he wants something from his dad and wants to plead with him, he simply Wrrys in a cutesy manner and pouts and that is Dio’s weakness

- He often loves annoying his dad by messing up the old man’s hair leading to a playful wrestle match

- He bosses his siblings around much to their annoyance. He is the first born so no surprises

- He often brags about being the most handsome Brando. The other Brando boys argue with him on that one XD

- He and the rest of the kids on set often go karaoke or partying somewhere a lot

- He often steals his dad’s jackets. Dio does not mind

- Whenever Jotaro is bullying his dad, he confronts him and gives him the scary Brando glare which terrifies him

-The Villain Club love him and find him cute

- Josuke and Jolyne were his besties growing up

- He loves horror movies

- Everyone calls him Mafia Prince for a good reason

- He used to feel insecure about his body and height when he was a teenager. Not so much now that he is an adult

- He is the same height as Dionow  and has some little muscles that ladies swoon over

- According to Dio, he was very loud when he was little. Nowadays, he is similar to his onscreen character albeit a lot more friendlier and livier

- He loves cooking and occasionally cooks for everyone

- The boy has his own house now and a slew of cool cars that rivals various car collections including his dad’s

- His now iconic hairstyle is his idea. When he came down the stairs after getting it done, everyone was shocked because he looked amazing. Dio was proud of him

- His outfit was a tribute to his dad. It was tight initially but they adjusted it for free movement

[3xm-draconic]

JOJO'S BIZARRE LITTLE ADVENTURES. Chapter 19: Better, Faster, Stronger.

I apologize for the long ass wait, life kicked me in the dick and my writing suffered. BUT i hope yall will enjoy the return of Mirtillo and the villain apartment!

ps: things in this fanfiction have been inspired by real life, like the many jobs i've had.

pleas enjoy!

Chapter 19: Better, Faster, Stronger.

A few weeks later…

Mitillo’s recovery had been a rough one, getting her to walk again required physical therapy which was hard to do when she was so small. Karz being an ultimate being shrunk himself down to the size of a barbie doll in order to help Mirtillo with relearning how to walk and Doppio had made a way for her to use hydrotherapy by putting some tea towels at the bottom of a casserole dish to give her feet some traction and then filling it up halfway with warm water.

Of course physical therapy wasn't the only thing that would help her, adequate nutrition was at play too and everyone chipped in on making meals that would help her in physical therapy and to avoid muscle atrophy. Things like protein, omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins A, C and E as well as plenty of fluids and electrolytes. The hard part wasn’t in making the meals but in making them small enough for her to eat, one whole small shrimp was the size of a 20 lbs lobster compared to her.

But beside all the resizing recipes and holding onto her tiny shaking hands there was another stressful thing the villain house worried about…her immune system. Being so little and fragile Mirtillo’s insides were as delicate as her outsides, meaning they had to not only be physically gentle with her but also cautious about bringing in any harmful bacteria or viruses.

 It did not help that the flu season had started…

“She did great this morning, she ate 6 milligrams of egg and porridge and nearly 3 milligrams of orange juice, that’s 1 whole milligram more than yesterday” Diavolo said with a smile, he had been painstakingly measuring and planning meals for her for days.

 DIO gave him a sly smile “well color me surprised”, Diavolo glared at him as he put away the leftovers “what the hell are you on about?”, DIO grinned cheekily “a few weeks ago you wanted to throw her out a window like an empty soda can, now you are nursing her back to good health and acting like a doting father” he snickered playfully. 

Diavolo rolled his eyes “look jackass pip squeak saved my ass, the little twerp risked her own skin for mine. Not even my elite unit of bodyguards would do that for me, especially if it was saving me from Chiccolata, without expecting a fat paycheck in return. I will admit that Squeakers has a lot more resolve and pluck than I gave her credit for”.

DIO snorted “Squeakers?”, Diavolo shrugged “everybody gave her a nickname, I didn't but now I want to, so mine is Squeakers”, DIO erupted into a fit of bellowing laughter, “oh shut the fuck up!” Diavolo hissed.

Meanwhile Mirtillo was peacefully soaking away her aches and pains with a warm shallow swim in one of doppio’s bigger teacups, Karz was keeping an eye on her incase she needed help getting out. 

“How are you feeling, little mouse?” Karz said as he brought in some fresh clothes for her to change into when she was ready to get out of her bathing suit, “...my back and legs still hurt and I’am barely able to move my right arm” she replied angrily. “Would you feel a little better if I told you a joke?” Karz said to her smirking, Mirtillo gave him a tired smile “shure”. 

“A mother and her young son are eating oatmeal at the table one morning, the woman’s son has not said a word to her in years, the young boy suddenly turns to his mother and says the oatmeal tastes horrible, the woman is stunned and said “all these years and you haven't said a word?”, the boy looks to his mother “well until now the oatmeal has been pretty good” he replies”.

Mirtillo giggled and that made Karz smile “little mouse I have noticed you have become more and more frustrated and angry of late, is there something you would like to talk about?”, Mirtillo splashed her tail into the water grumpily “..I…I’am mad at myself” she hissed, “why little mouse?”, She looked at Karz dead in his deep magenta eyes “I’am mad at myself because I almost failed to save Mr Diavolo and nearly got digested…I hate how…how…how weak I am, I don’t want to be weak and helpless anymore, I HATE IT!” she screamed and frustratedly splashed the water with her little fists. 

Karz sighed “you are still very young little mouse, you have a lot of growing to do”, “BUT I HATE THIS!” she screamed back “I want to be like you, I want to be strong like you and Mr Esidisi, Wammu and Santanna, I wanna know how to fight back and not be pushed around my whole life!” Mirtillo squeaked angrily.

Karz took a deep breath “I know little mouse, I know you admire and desire to have raw strength such as mine but you half to get better first, once you have healed and learned to walk again I promise you I will train you to be strong like a pillarman little mouse” he sighed as he held out his hand for her to climb onto and help her out of the teacup, “thank you Mr Karz” she chirped.

Pucci, Kira and Doppio returned to the apartment absolutely burnt-out and exhausted, they barely greeted the others before quickly shambling into their rooms to relax.

Kira kicked his shoes off and just flopped onto his mattress, his back and feet hurt like hell from standing and walking all day. 

Working at the Kame Yu department stores wasn't all a cozy desk job in the back of the store, NO, sometimes Kira would half to go out to the front and stock shelves, clean the store, help customers and worst of it all… run the cash register. If anyone says retail jobs are easy they have either never worked retail or are just straight lying.

Today he had encountered a universally hated and legendary creature at the store, he remembers people (mostly from reddit) call them…Karens.                                 Kira had just finished stocking several heavy boxes of crockpots when this middle-aged cow in spandex pants a size way too small came up to him and yelled in his face to tell her where all the ps5’s are. 

Sadly they had just run out, stupid Jousuke Hagaskita had taken the last one. The land whale then proceed to yell-spit into Kira’s face about how stupid he was for not saving one for her because she was a long time customer, she grabbed his slender wrist with her repulsive hands (which almost made him vomit) and dragged him around the store like a neanderthal, Kira had summoned the patience of a FUCKING MOUTAIN inorder to not just bitez-ze-dusto her ass into oblivion. 

Thankfully his manager, Eral, had descended like a guardian angel to his aid and helped deal with the enraged hippo in tacky make up and bird's nest hairdo.

“Hey Kira, dinner’s almost ready……well you look like shit, what happened to you today?” Diego said as he noticed the dark took in Kira’s eyes, “Diego…NEVER. WORK. RETAIL. EVER!” he snarled, Killer Queen began to hiss and growl irritably behind him, clawing up the headboard of his bed. Diego just looked at him and shrugged “ok…dinner is karaage and mega-cheesy nachos do you want any?”, Kira layed back down and breathed heavily out his nose “...yes…I’ll be out later”.

Everyone ate dinner while watching the new Addams Family show Wednesday by Tim Burton on netflix, Mirtillo ate ravenously managing to consume an entire black olive slice, “I hear work sucked today Kira” Valentine said as he handed a loaded plate of chips smothered in cheese and olives with a side of fresh hot karaage chicken, he also handed him an ice-cold can of beer. 

“Word travels fast” Kira groaned as he sank into the couch between Doppio and Diavolo, “my day sucked too, I was stuck working on a 200 complexly decorated cupcake order all by myself today because the newbie got a concussion after accidentally smacking themselves in the face with the big oven door” Doppio bemoaned. 

“I didn’t have a great day either” Pucci huffed “I had to kick a person out of the library for inappropriately using the computers”, “...did…did you catch someone looking up porn on the public library computers?” Diavolo chuckled, Pucci nodded sadly, “that is just nasty” Valentine shuttered. 

Mirtillo looked at them with curiosity “um…what’s porn?”, immediately all of them shouted over DIO before he could even utter a single word “WE WILL TELL YOU WHEN YOU ARE OLDER!”

After dinner Valentine, Diego and Diavolo stayed up to wash dishes while DIO and Karz cleaned up the living room. “I hate to mention this but we are 3 days late on rent” Valentine sighed, “great, we have almost zero cash saved and poor Kira, Doppio and Pucci are working themselves to death” Diavolo groaned.

Diavolo turned to the others and said something they never thought they’d hear “I’am getting a job”, shocked silence filled the kitchen to only be broken by DIO and Karz laughing, “I’am sirius, I got a job application for a sephora in Moriho’s new mall today”, the silence resumed.

“Well I’ll be damned” Valentine laughed “we’ll if you are getting a job then I’am getting a job, figured I’d make some rent money too”, “I actually got a job today, I’am working for a food delivery service, nothing is faster or cooler than a raptor delivering pizza” Diego chuckled. Karz sighed “well…I suppose I’ll also find a way to help make rent, I could always do live modeling for the art college, they pay santana 60$ an hour for that”, DIO’s eyes widened “60$ AN HOUR!?, hell where is this place? I, DIO would make a perfect model!”

When chores were finished the rest of the villains headed off to bed, Valentine checked on Mirtillo in her jewelry box bed and found her to be still awake, “what’s wrong my little dust bunny?”, “I can’t sleep…everything hurts” Mirtillo whimpered, Valentine when back into the kitchen and made a cup of chamomile tea, he poured some into a bottle cap and gave it to her, as she drank Valentine fished around in his dresser drawer for a hand warmer packet, “ah!, here you go dust bunny, this should help”.

Mirtillo placed the packet behind her to ease her back ache, “thank you Mr Valentine, good night” she squeaked, “good night, sleep well little dust bunny”. Mirtillo snuggled into her blanket and held her little plush…blue and pink rabbit-thing, “...I will be stronger, I..I will not let this world push me around. I may not have been able to save mama and papa but I WILL protect my new…family” she whispered to her stuffy-toy “this is a promise I will keep or so help me god…”

[risu-risa]

What your favorite JoJo character says about you

No minor villains or tertiary characters

JoJoes, JoBros, and JoFoes only.

Jonathan Joestar: You See the potential of an all-good superman type character (the old ones, not the modern ones,) but you're also into older media

Speedwagon: If you played Baulder's Gate, you love to see characters that stick by their friends, no matter what, but if you didn't there's a chance you're saying it for the memes, or you too pine for a man who's already engaged.

Erina: You probably don't exist, but perchance, you wanted to see her kick Dio's ass, and you have ideas for a fanfic where she does

Antonio: You have memorized the funeral speach from How To Train Your Dragon 2

Dio Brando: I have never seen someone who likes Dio who weren't already abducted by the "stands are peak combat" hivemind. If you aren't in that, you are here for the chaos, or you empathize with his sense of ambition.

Joseph Joestar: You like his gimicks… and you hate that he cheated on his wife… that's it

Ceazar: Your favorite part is Golden Wind but choosing an italian from the italian part is too hard.

Lisa Lisa: You are self-destructively curious about how she ended up going down and dirty with her step-bro, or you are really REALLY lesbian. If you are AMAB, then you are trans.

Eisidisi: You don't exist.

Wammu: Your favorite trope is fighting fair, and when someone breaks the rules, you refuse to break them in turn. You just hold the grudge in until you pop.

Kars: You have a kink for the "ultimate life-form" trope, and you probably had a crush on Cell or Shadow the Hedgehog.

Jotaro Kujo: You have the blandest taste imaginable, and you probably had a crush on Sasuke or Shadow the Hedgehog.

Noriaki: You are thirteen and you know he was MVP in the DIO fight. You were also pissed that he was retroactively replaced with a dog for serveral arcs.

Avdol: Black solidarity, and you know he was MVP in the Vanilla Ice Cream fight.

Polnareff: You call him "The Only French Person I'll Ever Love" and you are a fan of all the chariot arcana from persona games.

Iggy: You prefer his OVA face, over the half-human deal he was redrawn with. And you chant "Who's here for the chaos!" every day before pestering your friends.

Josuke: You love Persona 4 and you're always making references to it that nobody else understands.

Okuyasu: Himbos are peak

Koichi: Always making "reliable guy" jokes even if others don't understand, or if they would understand, you'll use something a little more niche

Yukako: You ignore people saying that the yandere trope ending well is toxic, but I need to write something good, so you probably wrote fanfics about her getting some kind of help and getting together with Koichi without being aggressively abusive.

Hayato: You have childhood trauma

Yoshikage Kira: You have a massive boner for Patrick Bateman, and sometimes you pretend like he had depth

Giorno Giovana: You have one of few correct choices, but you also get really mad when someone says "he has the mixed personality of Jonathan, and Dio" and there's an off chance that you are that someone.

Fugo: You actually read Purple Haze Feedback

Naracia: You have gaslit yoursef to thinking he survived the Diavolo King Crimson fight, which he did.

Abbaccio: You like the idea of a "dommy mommy" but saying that when refering to a man

Bruno: Either you're able to make discussion about his depth, or you only make jokes about him being a mom. I don't know, I'm neither.

Diavolo: You love that King Crimson is just so contradictory and complicated, and Dopio's facade was just creepy to make you cringe with your entire body when he was carying Bruno up those stairs. Oh, wait, you just like the Metalica fight.

Jolyne Kujo: You either want to kiss her, kill her, or be her. Also you have a nice appreciation for her ingenuity and ruthlessness.

Ermes: You are lesbian as fuck, and you hevily empathize with those Shadow the Hedgehog memes about loving latinas, which ironically dips its own toes into race-fetishization, but ignore that

Foo-Fighters: You saw that one fan-comic about them in pergatory talking to the person who's body they stole and you can't get over it. You give no shits about canon, as long as it's good. Either that, or you lover overalls, and that makes you go "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Also you probably make jokes about FF and Mikitaka being autistic

Anasui: You also liked Yukako, but you acknowledged what makes her gross, so you latched yourself onto the respectful version of the unrequited love trope.

Emporio: See Hayato

Weather Report: You knew he was a means to an end, sigh also you saw his backstory and gave him an honerary black card, but you know damn well he wouldn't use it.

Enrico Pucci: Black Solidarity again but you like part 6 more, or you think Made in Heaven is the coolest design for a stand, which it is.

[yanderememes]

Does the house of villains care for Darling during their periods?

If Darling and Kira lived just the two of them without the others, she would quietly ask him to buy big packs of pads. But when is it a villain's house? Darling yells "Kira!!!", the man yells out on the way out of the house "got it!"

Imagine that maybe Kars and Dio have never encountered a period before, if they have been with women, the men have never been interested in anything but the blood in their bodies. And here Darling Passing by to the two vampires, smelling of blood, but she's all right. And the whole house sees two huge men sniffing around a girl who can either be silent, watching their actions with interest, or giggling quietly at their reactions.

Why of course they do anon! Villain house will do anything to win darling's affection but not only that, they just want to get in her pants lol.

Jokes aside, the villains love darling so they would do anything for her.

Doppio is boyfriend material. He'll be so understanding and respect darling's wishes if she wants to be alone or is moody. He knows it's not her fault. He'll provide her with anything and everything she needs. But it can be overbearing.

Diavolo kinda ignores you. He's not sure how to deal with this so he just pretends it's not there and it's not his problem lol. Now, he would try if he thought the other villains were getting the upper hand in winning your affections. Diavolo is competitive, so he would try to help you by giving gifts.

Pucci helps you by being emotionally available. He'd comfort you and being you anything you need. He wants to make sure you're comfortable and not in too much pain if he can help it. He's not overbearing like Doppio but not too cold and distant like Kira. The best of both worlds.

In my villain house lore, it was originally Kira and darling before villain house invaded. So Kira was used to it and he doesn't fault darling for period cramps either. He's very dutiful and responsible, so he'll have all the pad ready. In exchange, he only asks that he's allowed to hold your hand. Just to comfort you during your period pains~

Dio and Kars seem to know about the menstrual cycle but haven't had any experience dealing with it. They know what it means and why it happens but is probably the most awkward around darling when she's on her period.

Kars would research more about the menstrual cycle and how he can be of the most service and help to you. His approach is very scientific lol. He may tease you for being so weak and letting something like a period hold you down every month. But with all that said and done, he'd still do anything for you and try his best. Though, more like, he'll order Wamuu and Esidesi to do the work and he'll take the credit.

Warning: Dio's is slight not sfw

Dio is enticed by the smell of blood being a vampire and all. He'll sniff out blood and the pheromones you give off. Immediately, he's turned on and can't seem to tear himself away from you. When he discovers it's because of your period blood, it might put him off a little. And when I say a little, I mean only by a mere second where he's goes, "oh" and then will want to have sex. The smell of your blood is so alluring and he wants to have a taste. Just a little. You won't have to use pads or tampons anymore with Dio around. 😏

[fullmusicbardsquared]

Ranking Part 5 Antagonists

:)))

Luca: His jacket is really cool, I'd buy it 3/10

Polpo: Eh, he serves his purpose well, his stand's cool. i don't think about him much. 4/10

Zucchero: I don't like him as much as Sale, but he's not bad, just not focused on. love the scene where he just stares into the camera and almost crashes his car. 3.5/10

Sale: I love this horrible man. i love his stupid crab hair. i love his awful star pants. 6/10

Formaggio: He's like a guy, i don't think about him much but he's chill 5/10

Illuso: I'm sorry but he sucks.. i will concede that his vest+ponytail combo is. a thing. 5/10

Prosciutto: He's a pretty simple character, basically the ideal gangster, but sometimes something easy is cool! his death scene was.. a lot gorier than i expected. 5.5/10

Pesci: yay it's my pal pesci! jokes aside, i really like his mini-arc and his silly killing fishing pole for a stand :) 8.9/10

Melone: hhhhh... on one hand i like the concept of him? mad scientists are always fun, but i think the added scenes by the anime and things about babyface just ruin it. i do like his design though, it's really dumb. 7.5/10

Ghiaccio: okay.. not to be a la squadra enjoyer but i think ghiaccio is just great. his design being simple but kind of iconic. his rants that do make sense, if in a roundabout way. he's probably the antagonist death i felt saddest about, ESPECIALLY because it was followed by That Scene. 9/10

Risotto Nero: i like him, I think he was one of the strongest characters in part five, and summed up parts of its philosophy. his pants are so dumb. 8/10

Squalo: i love him honestly. he wears a silly headband and has a shark, there is literally nothing wrong with him :) 8/10

Tiziano: honestly the same as squalo but i'm giving an extra half point because talking heads bias er i mean i like his color palette 8.5/10

Carne: I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THE MORE I THINK ABOUT HIM THE MORE I GET 5/10

C**cc*l*t*: die die die i don't even like green day but i think they should be taken away from this lame bitch. at least orin scrivello gets a banger of a song, this bitch has nothing -10/10

Secco: okay. logically i know that secco is nearly as bad as cioccolata. emotionally i like him better because he's insane and i interpret the phone scene as him being happy about being free from cioccolata. go king exploit weirdos for your own safety and comfort also seccotaro real 7/10

Doppio: i like doppio man i don't know what to say.. everybody likes doppio :] 8.5/10

Diavolo: i don't think diavolo was executed as well as he could have been, but he does not actively make me want to punch the screen like dio and kira. instead he just makes me cry and throw up. pathetic. 8.5/10

[samissosexyyy]

Tumblr thought it would be hilarious to delete all my work and not let me answer requests :').

YES I SHALL WRITE THE PLATONIC ANGRY PARENTS-

And thank you-I woke up and was talking to my friend in the morning and my brain just: jojo villain yandere dads. Mudad mudad mudad mudad anger.

Anyways, here they are- Do these even count as headcanons???? I dunno-

Dio, Part 1

Vampire form of course.

First thing first, We all know he'd be a great dad. Protective already, But make him a yandere platonic father? Oh boy, Trust me, You'd be spoiled and treated like royalty.

Now, I'm gonna say in this scenario you were on of his victims child. I'll say you'll be around 5 to eight.

Somehow you managed to catch his eye, Is it because your parent was just as bad as his? You reminded him of his mother? Or maybe you resemble him, and have three moles on your ear. Or, perhaps, A younger joestar? Either way, You somehow had him feeling like a father, and, according to one of my friends, Araki had said DIO would treat his children like they were royalty, And they would be so spoiled.

So, Mudad would end up taking you in, kidnapping, whichever honestly. He'd be holding you like a loving pet owner would, if you got scared, he'd probably be confused. Honestly he'd have you turned into a vampire quickly, as he knew he wouldn't be able to have children as a Vampire.

Truthfully, I think you'd end up never noticing how he'd occasionally pull you closer, or how he'd glare at anyone your age or older going near you. Or how he'd give you some strict rules, Like no dating anyone. E v e r. And why would you ever want to hurt your papa like that?! You wouldn't want to do that, right?! Of course you wouldn't! Dio knew you'd never betray him like that!!

Truth be told, he'd guilt you if you tried to go against his words. But punishments? No no, He'd never actually purposefully hurt you, Unlike his love interest, he'd NEVER want to cause you pain ever. He'd hate himself and wouldn't forgive himself for years. Centuries. Infact, he'd beg for your forgiveness.

The Pillarmen

And satannnaaaaa

First of all, You aren't a pillarchild. You'd most likely be some kind of god, vampire, or a young hamon learner. Or even related to the Joestars or Ceasar.

So, Let's say you're immortal who can walk in the sun. We all know you'd be the joestar side, Right? So, That means you'd end up hating or feeling pity for the pillarmen. First, You'd probably end up trying to make Santana hally when he awakens. Unlike with Joseph, He'd probably know not to attempt to attack you. Let's say you have symbols like Dio Over heaven, We all know how that would work.

You'd end up as a being worshipped by them, probably kidnapped after they destroy the Joestars.

Let's say they defeated Joseph and the others, and you were still a deity, You'd most likely be weaker then them in this scenario. They'd probably treat you like a kitten at first, like a baby before they all felt a connection. As if you were a child of their own, so they'd give you rules. And we all know how rules go with yanderes.

Let's say uh- you fell for a mortal.

"No. No."

[Crush name has fallen from a high place.]

"DADS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU-"

"NO CUSSING IN THIS CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!"

or something like that :')

Honestly, You'd have bird dad, and a bunch of other dads. Santana would honestly be like the cool big brother honestly. You'd probably want horns too so-

They would totally buy you halloween horns to put on your head so you'd be happy baby

Now, Hamon user? They'd probably find you like a cute animal at first, probably going easy on you like it was a game of tag. Soon, they'd realize how weak and fragile you are, After all, You are just starting hamon. They'd probably kidnap you to spite Joseph and his side at first, before... Well, You didn't expect to become a vampire and treated like royalty when all you've been treated like is uh... Considering Lisalisa is your coach, I'd say you'd be happy if it was someone else doing this for you.

Josephs sibling? WOAH Joseph, When did you get a cute sibling? Pfft, Not your sibling anymore, They just adopted your ex sibling nerd.

But, All jokes aside, They'd probably be surprised that you were more mature then your brother, and...you sorta resemble a certain Coach... Oh, Humans all look the same, haha.

They'd probably kidnap you infront of Joseph just to make him feel guilt and rage, After all, Why not get their prized treasure and make Joseph angry? They'd give you more rules, until Joseph was gone, of course.

And, sadly, Not even you crying would stop them from making you into a vampire infront of your big brother, breaking both of your hearts.

Don't worry you got ice cream later smh.

Ceasars sibling? Mini pancake? Haha, They'd kidnap you as soon as they felt parent like tendencies. No denying them, infact, they'd make sure you saw ceasar get defeated by the ro ck. But don't worry! You have new parents and a brother-! Haha, Poor you.

Part 3 DIO AKA mudad!

Honest to god you'd probably have to be a stand user with a weak or strong stand, or, you were one of his kids he had with a lucky woman who survived and got a naked polaroid of him as a 'wow you lived! Congrats, now go have my kid lmao' gift. Or, Maybe you were a normal kid who was kind to him, even if he,,,,  did some questionable murder infront of you. And maybe you were a young

Now, Let's say you were a strong stand user. He'd end up wanting to use a flesh bud until he realized... He never had a kid, that he knows of, and decided to raise you! At first he'd be upset you had a strong stand like your mudad, but realized you could protect yourself from those dreadful joestars! Congrats, You became a Brando! :) How unlucky, Considering this DIO would probably force vampire masks onto you, or even using fleshbuds as a threat. Either way, You'll always be papas baby!

Yoshikage kira.

Like I said in my first post of this, He'd want to have a nice average life. You having a stand wouldn't be a problem, Since he'd probably convince you Josuke and the others are awful and rude.

Josukes sibling? Well, He'd end up telling you he can help your brother with his murder issue if you come with him. You don't exactly have a choice since Killer queen would easily overpower you if you had disagreed. You'd end up being a normal and peaceful child before long, Infact, He'd have to pretend he had adopted you behind his 'wifes' back.

Hayotos friend he never talks about? Congrats, You are now stuck with a crazy and loving father! And a mother, I suppose. And you get your best friend as a brother! You'd never be able to leave, how sad. But, You'd have your new mom and your dad to talk to-! And killer queen cuddle time.

Now, Let's say you were his own kid. Wowzers! You think its normal for your father to bring women hands home, after all, You are pretty young and your father told you most adults do this. Ah. How enjoyable.

Doppio/Diavolo

Oh dear. You poor child.

Either you were related to trish, and he somehow felt like you wouldn't be a problem before they felt more of a father love towards you, Most likely somehow getting rif of the traitors and your big sister.

"Where's big sister?"

"Don't worry about her, She's spending time with your mother."

Smh quit LIEING you jERK!

But seriously, Doppio would be like the fun mom asking you if you'd like bake cupcakes in his spare time! Read you bed time stories and whatnot! Diavolo would be awkward and "wanna play baseball or whatever kids like to do these days?" Awkward dad alert.

"My kid is fine!"

The kid they kidnapped/raised:

Casually trying to beat another kid with a baseball.❤💚💛

Honestly they'd insult everyone elses kids while here their kid is, casually scared of baseball.

Pucci

Papa priest! We all know he'd adopt you! I head canon him as gay, considering DIO and him were totally a thing.

So, He'd probably have you study Lord DIO bibles, and casually have you hate Jolyne. Probably even give you a stand, And even show you that DIO is the best! Worship! Protect yourself and all that!

Jotaro would probably scare you,  so I can see you holding onto Pucci while Jotaro appears anytime, so pucci would infact love it when you snuggle onto him lime a cute kitten. Hell, you even Sneeze like a kitten!

Honestly You'd be kept under watch 24/7, but you'd think it was normal, after all, Your father would mever do something so awful like Those Joestars claim...right?

Diego

Oh wow- dino dad :)

Let's say you were a big fan of his, Then, Well,You wouldn't mind having him as a dad, Now would you? He is your idol, Right? Yeah. Yeah!

He'd probably carry you around upside down, Hot pants just questioning his sanity as he drops you a million times. Hot pants would probably end up carrying you most of the time.

Mama hot pants and father Diego. Y es.

And, Let's say you were traveling with Johnny. Congrats. You've put yourself in a even worse situation considering Diego would become worried and paranoid over those two idiots hurting you! And he hates the idea of his baby boy/girl/child being hurt by barbarians!!!

Even though he'd probably hurt you on accident if I'm gonna be honest.

Kidnapping isn't a very easy job, so of course he had to knock you out! What was he supposed to do?! Ask you to come stay with him forever?! No! Maybe! HuawhuKaia-

Honestly not too many rules, just don't leave his side ever! Except when going to the bathroom. You'll be tied to his horse. No whining >:(.

Funny Valentine

Honestly what did you think he was going to do? Pick some random child? No no, He'd choose the PERFECT child! You were so lucky! Wow! The daughter of the mos powerful man ever! Lucky you, Right?

No. You don't get alone time unless it's you sleeping or bathing. You wear what he wants, and no.

Dating not allowed. Bad. No no no no no.

"No. No dating. Your lips will fall off."

"but mommys lips didn't-"

"Your face will melt off."

Basically you'd be bossed around and treated like royalty, as long as you listen to you dad!

Honestly I don't know if this is headcanons, if if it isn't feel free to scream at me in the comments-

AND I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY ANSWER, SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS AND ARE ABLE TO ENJOY IT??? I GUESS???

[moody-blues-requiem]

Would you mind writing something fluffy with Diavolo cuddling his pregnant wife?

So like, let’s be real for a sec: canon Diavolo, uh, tried to kill his own daughter. But I like cute happy things so this is a much softer Diavolo, less paranoid, more loving, and one who might actually be a pretty decent dad. If you’re looking for a strictly canon-compliant Diavolo, this ain’t him. 

Now onto some cuteness.

(cut for length)

Silvery moonlight shone down through gauzy curtains, softly illuminating the sharp cheekbones and sleeping eyes of the love of your life, the King of Passione, Diavolo. It was one of the rare times he had overcome his insomnia and fallen asleep, holding you protectively in his strong arms. You took a moment to share, letting your eyes trace every detail on his perfect face; a couple flyaway hairs draped over his cheeks, long-faded scars of fights past, a slight trace of eyeliner smudge that he missed while cleaning up before bed. You let your eyes wander to his tattoos, black lines thick and thin gracefully adorning his shoulders and arms, noting just how good Diavolo’s biceps looked when the man inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering, but not quite opening fully. “Everything alright, ami?” he asked, voice deep and raspy with sleep. 

You nodded. “Just haven’t fallen asleep yet,” you whispered back to him. “Enjoying the view.”

Diavolo’s eyes opened, vibrant green irises meeting your own. You noticed a little blush dusting his cheeks as his lips hinted at a faint smile. His arms around you tightened, pulling you in for a gentle kiss. His large, warm hands traced down the dip of your spine and around to meet the front of your swollen stomach. 

“We’re really about to be parents, huh?” you asked, leaning back from Diavolo’s lips. “Just a couple more months.” 

Diavolo nodded. “You’re going to be a great mother,” he reassured you. “The best.”

“And you’ll be a father--”

“Correction, not just her father, I’ll teach our little girl how to rule Italy’s greatest-- hey!” He was cut off with a playful slap on his arm, you giggling at his grand ideas. “I told you, no mafia lessons until preschool, at least.”

Diavolo chuckled, his nose crinkling as he held back a gut laugh. “‘Mafia lessons’? How to mafia?”

“You know what I mean!” You turned your attention down towards your stomach. “Your daddy’s so silly, baby girl, he’s gonna give you mafia lessons.” You turned back to your pink-haired husband. “She’ll be dealing illegal school supplies before we know it.” Diavolo couldn’t hold back, allowing himself to laugh, gently patting your stomach. “Dio mio,” he said between laughter-lined breaths. “Not even born, and she already has a reputation.”

“You think you’ll become one of those PTA dads, that shows up at every school meeting and yells at everyone?” Diavolo made a face that looked like a cat after smelling something particularly nasty, repulsed and angry. “Don’t even joke! I’d rather die a thousand deaths than go to fucking school meetings.” 

“But if I can’t, will you go?”

Diavolo thought to himself, for a moment. “I’ll send Doppio. He’ll be her godfather anyways, that should suffice.” 

“He looks young enough to be a student himself,” you pointed out. “Don’t you have anyone more... adult?”

“......the next best person is Tiziano, but he wouldn’t go without Squalo there, and after that is Carne.”

You tried not to think about Diavolo’s oddball guards even meeting your baby girl, let alone them going to school meetings as her ‘relatives’. “Doppio will work.” 

Diavolo smiled, exhaling from his nose in a quiet laugh, and pulled you back in for another kiss. “We’ll be great parents, with a perfect heir to Passione, but more importantly, a perfect daughter.” His hands rubbed over your tummy, able to feel small movements beneath your skin. “Papa loves you,” he whispered. “I love you both.” 

A gentle breeze blew past, rustling the leaves on the trees outside and providing a moment's break from the summer night’s heat. Under the soft glow of the half-moon, you and Diavolo drifted back to sleep.

[isbus]

The House of Villains Chapter 2

Tags: (tags from original) Funny Valentine/Scarlet Valentine, hints to nsfw but not nsfw, memes, bad jokes, another member of the House,

Chapter 2: New Neighbors 

A knock on the door wasn't too unusual. Most of the time it would be girl scouts, neighbors, even random people introducing them to the neighborhood. But today was quiet. No knocks. Well, until a car pulled into the unused driveway. 

Let's pretend we're following the car's passengers and NOT the house of villains! 

"Oh my! I love it! Do you think it will be a great home for us?" A woman with dark brown hair and a red sweater dress spoke to her spouse. 

The man chuckled then responded. "Why! Of course darling! This will be such a beautiful home for us and our future children! I can almost envision us..." 

OH GOD. 

Umm... Let's go back to the house. 

When hearing the door open on it's own, Doppio (who just so happened to be in the living room) freaked out. He thought the house was haunted and nearly screamed. He tried going towards the door but freaked out even more when seeing a couple. 

When the blonde man in pink sighed and said 'ta-dah!', Doppio screamed. The man's eyes opened up and he was startled to see a pink haired boy in his soon to be house. "What the?!" 

"What's going on Doppio?" Dio and Kira peaked out of their rooms while Pucci and Diavolo rushed to Doppio's side. Then they saw the intruder and got scared by the bland man. 

"Who are you and what are you doing here?!" Kira shouted. The new man and the businessman bickered. 

Pucci and Diavolo worried in different ways. "Doppio did you lock the door?" 

"I did! He unlocked the door and came in!" 

"He must have some kind of unlocking locks stand..." 

Dio growled. "Shut up! Everyone calm down! I'll solve this." Dio spoke as if the intruder wasn't there. "Sir. Who are you?" 

The blonde intruder crossed his arms. "I'm Funny Valentine. Who are you stowaways?" 

"We aren't 'stowaways'. We live here." Kira tried to continue asking questions but Doppio told the man his name. 

"I'm Vinegar Doppio!" 

... 

"As I said. We live here. Explain yourself." 

Funny looked at them and started. "We were moving in. I unlocked the door, and then Mr. Doppio screamed. Easy as that." They were the only ones who had the key, so how did he open the door? "Before you ask, I have the key as well. I presume you do too?" 

Kira pulled out the house key. "Of course I do. Once again, WE LIVE HERE." Yoshikage put emphasis on his repeated words. "Who gave you the key?" 

"The owner of this home, Robert Speedwagon." 

Press "x" to doubt. Kira was spamming the x button so hard. 

Press "a" to truth. Funny was, in fact telling the truth. 

They sat in silence for a while. Kira was wondering about what they should do with this weirdo. Funny was staring at Kira, waiting for an answer. Dio walked to the other blonde and whispered important things to him. 

"Ugh... Apparently we have another room open that you two can stay in. Dio, which room is it?" 

Dio knew exactly where. "There's a basement, it hasn't been claimed, and it comes from the living room. So you won't be coming out of another's area." Funny's eyes widened at the thought of it. 

"No. Absolutely not! I wouldn't want to live somewhere a vampire would live in!" Dio at first was enraged, but then realized that Funny didn't know the coincidence. How- dare I say- funny! 

"So will you live somewhere else then?" Kira's voice raised when he felt he knew what the foreigner would say. 

"Wait!" They stared at Dio. "As much as I hate to live in drab places, I will... 'take one for the team' and move my things into that... wretched room..." 

Funny clapped lightly. "Oh! How nice of you, Mr...?" 

"Brando. Dio Brando." He looks at the camera and winks... wait. WHAT?! 

Kira groans. Yoshikage knew that Dio was up to something. Dio, on the other hand, didn't have a clue as to why he moved into such a disgusting area of the house. "Well thank you men so very much!" The woman finally entered the conversation. 

"Oh! This is my first lady, Scarlet. I hope you, me and Scarlet, enjoy our time together and come to appreciate America as much as I do!" The last part was a little confusing but overall they got the message. 

- Time skip brought to you by: Two Americans packing their stuff in a house with "people" they have no idea about! -

"Ah, at last our stuff has been moved in! My love, this requires celebration..." He winks at Scarlet. 

"NO!" They all shout. 

"How sinful..." 

"That's weird..." 

"Ugh, eww..." 

"Human lust is so gross..." 

"Why can't I do something like that..?" 

They all muttered to themselves. Mostly about how gross it was, but Dio needed answers. But we won't talk about that. 

"Fine. we won't do that, at least until everyone is asleep." Everyone tried to hold back the vomit that came from the idea of two strangers doing... IT. "Do you have any games to play? We can be brought together by it. Or maybe some hunting? Do you guys have stands?" Funny kept asking questions, inquiring to "bring them together". 

This is going to be a long night... 

[rainbows-and-emeralds]

Jean Pierre Polnareff's true purpose

So, let's talk about Jean Pierre Polnareff.

The "silliest" of the Stardust Crusaders, the "clown" of the group, the "immature one".

Except he's really none of those things. He may not be a genius, but he is smart. People really don't give Polnareff the credit he deserves. I personally do believe, that out of all of the Crusaders he is the one with the worst fate.

All of the Crusaders have been through some form of trauma, yes, they all have faced Dio and have lost friends along the way, but Polnareff has had it especially hard, because people just seem to ignore/forget all he's done, and we tend to put him down as that silly, funny guy from Part 3.

It is true, Polnareff is very dorky and jokes around a lot, and just generally seems to be very at ease in an almost naive way. But this has it's reasons, and Polnareff is so much more than just this.

The people who smile the brightest often hide the worst pain in their hearts.

What I'm trying to say is, Jean sort of uses this goofy, happy facade as a coping mechanism for trauma and grief. Only 3 years prior to meeting the other Crusaders he'd lost his younger sister Sherry. And she wasn't just killed by accident, she was murdered. Imagine what that must have done to him. Whatever it was, it was enough for him to seek revenge, not stopping before anything.

Furthermore, he'd just somewhat come to terms with Avdol's supposed death later on in season 1 of Part 3. Maybe Polnareff even blamed himself for dragging Avdol into this. Especially after going off on his own when he'd finally found J. Geil, which I still believe he did, to not endanger his friends unnecessarily.

Avdol was probaply his closest friend of the bunch. I love the bond these two shared. And I believe that Avdol wanted Polnareff to realize that it's better to have friends to rely on, and that it wasn't his fault.

Still, Polnareff likely blamed himself for being responsible for Avdol's death, having seen him die right in front of him, because he was protecting him..

And later it turns out Avdol didn't really die, he was still alive all this time, and all the Crusaders knew about it. All of them, except for Polnareff.

They didn't tell him, because they didn't trust him to keep quiet about it in front of the enemy.

This is the one desicion I disagree on with Kakyoin and the others. How could they. Not only did they basically end up telling Polnareff that they didn't fully trust him, they left him blaming himself, feeling incredibly bad and traumatized for WEEKS.

And then not ONE of them, not even Kakyoin, really apologized to him. It can be argued that what they did was not to hurt Polnareff on purpose, regarding the dangerous situation they're in. And that makes sense. But it did hurt him. And that's sort of unforgivable in my book. Jean puts up this happy act, and no doubt he does have fun with the other Crusaders, it's not bad all the time at all. But when nobody's looking, the sad, pained look on his face is obvious enough.

In the end, Polnareff really loses three of his friends, two of them because they protected him, and gave their lives for that yet again, but this time for real. He's essentially left with what he'd believed to be true before.

He is alone again.

Having only survived because others protected you and died for that, can make you feel so utterly desperate and worthless.

Despite this sorry state he falsely sees himself in, here is where it truly shows, just how noble Jean Pierre Polnareff really is.

Instead of leaving all of this behind when given the chance, to go back home to France, he continues investigating the Stand arrows, and the problems Dio's actions caused, even after he died.

While Jotaro was on it too, Polnareff eventually decides to further investigate alone, probaply because he wanted to avoid losing another friend because he couldn't protect himself alone. It shows that he's grown. And it shows that Polnareff really doesn't hesitate to risk his life for this.

This causes Polnareff to run into none other than Diavolo, who is after the arrows for his own, twisted reasons.

Which in turn, gets him into an even worse situation.

Not only has Polnareff spent his youth, from the age of 19 (when he lost his sister) to age 36, chasing after the Stand arrows and Dio to seek revenge and prevent even worse things from happening, he's also severely injured and left disabled for the rest of his life at only 23 years of age.

On top of all of this he is now the potential target of one of the most dangerous Mafia bosses in the world, forcing him to live in solitude for over 10 years, unable to contact ANY of his remaining friends or family because if he did so he'd risk getting them and himself hunted down and killed. Thus Polnareff is yet again alone.

Just.. take a moment to let all of that sink in. All of what Polnareff has been through.

And DESPITE all of that, he still pulls through, he still keeps going, stays strong and continuously puts his own life on the line to try and stop Diavolo from obtaining the Requiem arrow.

Because he knows that if he fails, everything the Crusaders fought for in 1989 will be to no avail. And even if he can't do much himself, he finds a way to contact Bucciarati's group after what I can only assume are weeks, if not months of research on them.

(It is almost scary to see how much Polnareff has changed, from the mostly happy, outgoing and talkative guy we've known, to this serious, more mature and collected man, operating from within the shadows to reach out to Bruno.)

Now we, as the reader, know all of this about Polnareff, but to Bruno and his gang, he is a stranger, somebody they don't know if they can trust yet. They also only meet Polnareff very briefly before Diavolo finally reveals himself and kills Polnareff for good.

Jean Pierre Polnareff, spent his live almost constantly facing some sort of trauma. I can't begin to imagine what he must have felt like in the end, knowing he's dying, before having finished what he started, what he fought for.

Yet he spends his last living moments thinking of his friends, the things he's been through back in Egypt, and atleast he knows that what he's done is not in vain, because he can safely place this mission he's dedicated the last 10 years of his life to, in the hands of Bucciarati and his gang.

This has an almost poethic value to it.

(It is also interesting to note that the Stand, Judgement, from Part 3 shows up in this panel. Think back, this Stand had the ability to grant "wishes" in form of illusions that turn against you. That was when he wished for his sister Sherry, and Avdol, whom Polnareff still believed to be dead, to come back to life. This always strangely touches me, because it's so naive to believe in such a thing, yet, it shows just HOW much Jean cares for those two, that he still had hope left, and was unable to let go, as of that time. The pain in his eyes as he realized that this last bit of hope he had was foolish, wronged, he had to accept and move on, which he does for the most part, but the fact that Judgement is something that he remembers in his last concious moments before dying shows that what happened on this particular day never really left him..)

Somehow, Polnareff is given a second chance, in form of his soul being kept alive within this bizarre Stand ability of Coco Jumbo. His body is dead, he can never go back, but Polnareff's spirit lives on. Atleast for now.

And Polnareff did so much. He sacrificed everything, not even hesitating to lay down his life.

He deserved so much better. He deserved a happy, long life, a family, love and friends.

While he may not ever get some of these things, he's with Giorno now. He's made it out, somewhat, alive. He can rest easy now and that is what counts for me. His sacrifices have not been for nothing, and thus, his friends dying to protect him back in Cairo also have not died for nothing. Polnareff carried on their legacy, making their deaths count, moving on, but never forgetting.

It is somewhat ironic that the one who carried Polnareff's mission to the end was Giorno, Dio's son, and yet another Joestar. It seems that the fates of Polnareff, Dio, and the Joestar family were destined to cross paths from the beginning.

Again, as the reader, we know the whole picture, but Polnareff doesn't. And he still did what he did, and he deserves credit and gratitude for that.

This is why Jean Pierre Polnareff is one of the most important people in the storyline of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and a man who has ALL my respect and admiration. I truly think that without him, things wouldn't have turned out as well as they did, and we have him to thank for that.

The last thing spoken in the anime of Vento Aureo is said by none other than Polnareff:

"Let's go,

...to the Colosseum."

~Haru

[abri-chan]

How JOJo characters would ask for sex (lmao yep They have to ask).. idk part 5 part 1 part 2 part 3.. they ones you know

(just doing some not all characters, but let me know if there’s anyone I didn’t do they you’d like)

Jonathan: My friend who studies history used to joke that people would go roundabout when it came to sex. As in you couldn’t openly say you enjoyed it, because sex was seen as mostly for procreation. So wives would comment on the color of the ceiling?

So maybe he’ll say: would you like to comment on the new ceiling decorations?

but most likely: i would like for you to join me in my chambers.

Dio: I am pleased to tell you that you should be pleased to know, that I- Dio, am offering you the opportunity to sleep with I-Dio.

Vampire Dio doesn’t ask. It’s more hypnotic I think, and the person just doesn’t notice they have given in. Or if you’re Kakyoin: “wanna be friends?”

Speedwagon: gays don’t ask. but seriously how did they manage in the 1800s (i stil don’t know how to manage in this day and age). But maybe: would you like to join me this evening for some biscuits and tea and a game of cards?

Caesar: probably some poetic bullshit like “alas we can’t truly unite our hearts, but we must do with uniting our bodies”. He probably courted the person for a while with sweet talks and dinners.

Joseph: He has no tact so either “I want to fuck you.” or “Your next line is: I want to fuck Joseph.”

Stroheim: “Time to invade your vital regions.” (too soon? hetalia jokes)

Wammu: *shoves his dicc in you* I have grown found of this particular human. You would be happy to know that I have decided to have coitus with you. (first the ring inside, then consent, just ask Joseph)

(remember when he told Joseph, here’s a ring guess where it goes, not on your finger? oh boi)

Kakyoin: How many more missions until I collect the loot?

Jotaro: *being a tsundere mumbles something unintelligible. You ask what he said* Just fuck me already woman/man!

Avdol: similar to Speedwagon, asks your over for tea & relaxing at his place, maybe after the date. I think he would try to do a card-reading to gauge your interest, like the cards tell me you feel like taking risks today, or you are in high spirits. Then eventually just be straightforward the he would like to make love to you, and if you would like the same.

Yukako: has her bedroom set up all romantic, and if you look at her confused it would tell you it’s only natural that after dating for this long you take the next step in your relationship.

Okuyasu: I think this is the part where we are supposed to fuck.

Kira: My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone. ---- Kira Queen has already touched that doorknob.

Mikitaka: probably some proposal on how he wishes to understand human anatomy better and can change into anything to make you reach what humans call an orgasm.

Bruno, Prosciutto, Mista, Illuso: take you on a date, then to their place. Only Bruno & Prosci take you to more expensive places. Mista would if he could afford it, Illuso doesn’t give a fuck. I feel they would ask in similar ways, only Bruno would be more romantic (make love), Prosciutto more direct (sleep with you), Illuso will say fuck, Mista will say make love but stutter.

Formaggio: is that guy that asks you in a bar and yes the bathroom stall.

Fugo: romantic like Bruno and even more polite... will stutter so much when he’s about to ask you, you’d actually have to step in and say: are you saying you want to sleep with me?

Narancia: *puts on some horny on main Prince song (not that hard to find one) and starts dancing. will let the lyrics do the talking*

Diavolo: King Crimson has erased the proposal. You are already fucking.

Melone: *starts singing that filthy frank song, while twerking:

Boku wa sekkusu daisuki

Itsumo sekkusu mainichi yaritai sekkusu

Chinko o manko ni iretai na

Ah kimochii na iretai

[dolphin-enthusiast]

Can I get the main villains with a s/o who shows them that dancing cockroach meme? You know... the one. It's so good and cursed.

Absolutely, I felt this request on a spiritual level👁️👁️

Dio:

- At first he’s fucking confused but then starts laughing out of nowhere once he realizes just how fucking funny it is. Like the more gifs and videos of it you show him the louder the clown laughs.

- He thanks you for showing him such an amazing meme. Like no joke you have completely changed him and from now on he’ll only be looking at the dancing fucking cockroach.

- His favorite is that dancing cockroach live in concert vid and he’ll randomly be going like “WEW WAW WEEEW” on many occasions. Fucking s t o p him.

Kars:

- He too is kinda perplexed at first but since he’s a literal god there’s no way that he doesn’t eventually get it. He’s a damn icon so it’s only fair that he lets out some good ol’ wheezes at all the dancing roach stuff you show to him.

- Physically identifies with the roach live in concert vid and he shows it to the other pillarmen too, basically changing their entire lives with this brand new knowledge. And when he tries imitating the autotune it actually sounds decent unlike in Dio’s case.

Kira:

- Fucking N O R M I E. He just has this dead ass blank look in his eyes as he watches the roach dance again and again. He can’t quite comprehend this meme, it is beyond his limits.

- Honestly it kind of scares him, like this is something that he would see during sleep paralysis. He fears no man but that thing, it s c a r e s him. Afterwards he doesn’t sleep all night and the next day he blames it on you for ruining his QuIeT LiFe and cursing him for an eternity.

- Whenever you go like “WEW WAAW WEEW” he has an instant panic attack and literally begs you to stop or else he’ll start crying. He still has no idea why but to this day the dancing roach triggers his fight or flight instincts.

Doppio/Diavolo:

- Doppio instantly gets it because he’s a chad. Like he may not look like it but he’s got dem memes so he ain’t no stranger to the dancing roach. In fact, he confesses that you got EVEN more cooler now that he found out you also worship the lord and savior which is the dancing roach.

- Diavolo on the other hand is, as expected, a goddamn normie. Then again not as big of a normie as Kira, but STILL a n o r m i e. He doesn’t get as triggered as wallmart Bowie does but it still kind of unsettles him. It’s almost as if he feels t h r e a t e n e d by the powerful aura that the dancing roach emanates. But he’ll still randomly quote the autotune sometimes. Why? He has no idea.

[abbacchiosbelt]

what are the jojo men's desired body type on a woman in your opinion? Like who prefers skinny, slim, thick, or doesn't have a preference at all? I know that's a lot of people but do whoever comes to mind.

i thought about this question for a while because honestly i firmly believe in: your fave loves you no matter what! but as someone who is Thicc and Chubby and Not What Society Considers An Attractive Weight i will give you my personal (haha no not biased at all haha) hcs on some jjba dudes who love a thick gal.

under the cut for length!

Joseph is extremely Weak for chubby and larger women. He loves the contrast of their body with his and really, he just finds it sexy. He doesn’t judge people by how they look in the first place, so he finds it stupid that other people do. He proudly shows off his girl by his side and encourages her to wear lots of cute outfits. Extremely handsy. 

Dio likes the contrast of his body to his lover’s soft form too - although it may be because he enjoys their subservience rather than some sort of statement. He’s had many lovers in his lifetime, so by now, he knows what he likes. He adorns her with jewels and outfits that show her off - and if any of his followers happen to say something uncouth, they’re gone in an instant. Permanently. 

Polnareff loves thick women. A thick woman with wide hips and thick thighs will have him under their finger in no time. But really, he enjoys their soft and curvy body as a whole. He adores buying lingerie for them, and he’s definitely cheesy enough to buy matching outfits. He thinks you’re gorgeous, and he never fails to let you know. 

Rohan is a man who loves all body types anyways - but he particularly loves how the curves and rolls on your body look when you model for him. Society’s definition of conventional beauty is garbage, in Rohan’s eyes. He finds every inch of you beautiful and fascinating. Also, your softness to his sharp limbs make for a very comfortable pillow.

Jotaro, though he’d never admit it out loud, likes the dynamic of a shorter and chubbier woman to his tall and broad figure. He’s not embarrassed by it, he’s just awkward and doesn’t want to make you feel like you were some sort of conquest for him. He’s not great at compliments, but he’ll make up for it by confident touches and sometimes even kisses on the parts of you that you may complain about. 

Abbacchio has always been drawn to thick and chubby women. He hasn’t taken many lovers in his life, but he finds his eye wandering much more than usual when he meets you. Everything about you has him cursing anyone for ever making you feel like less than you are. He loves wrapping his arms around you and squeezing your soft body. During sex, he can barely get enough of you and always his hands roaming over your body. He likes to get you on top just to watch you. 

Mista is all about it. Mista loves all sorts of people and has found himself infatuated with a huge variety of looks. When he meets you, he’s more than infatuated, he feels love struck. The way your clothes hug your body and the way that he sinks into you when he hugs you has him dying for a date. And when you date Mista, he’s the type of guy to shower you with endless compliments. He’s not afraid to directly comment on how hot he finds you.

Melone doesn’t need much of an explanation… Everything about a chubby woman’s figure has him dying to know more. If he’s not being weird with his stand, he’ll constantly have his hands roaming over your curves and commenting on how perfect you are. He’s a fan of buying outfits for you, though they’re more skimpy than you’d like.

Formaggio doesn’t have a type, not really, but something about a thick woman in a tight skirt has him more distracted than anything else. He’s always been into bigger girls - and he’ll punch anyone who has anything negative to say about it or you. He’s another guy who is super handsy, and he doles out compliments like there’s no tomorrow. 

Both Doppio & Diavolo like curvy and chubby women. Doppio thinks you’re absolutely adorable and loves how good you look in everything. Diavolo also thinks you’re adorable but in his own sinister Diavolo way. Diavolo goes for extremely skimpy lingerie, whereas Doppio prefers frilly and cute things on you. Both of them, though, are enamored by your body and like how it looks besides yours. Doppio will demand you wear his keyhole sweater.

Gyro can’t resist a woman with a full figure and lots of cute chub. He can’t help it! He’s always been drawn to women with bigger bodies, and you’re no exception. There’s just something about you that has him feeling love-struck and willing to do anything for you. He thinks you’re gorgeous and tells you every day, albeit he’ll also try to come up with stupid jokes to compliment you.

Diego, just like Dio, loves how a woman with a full and chubby figure looks. He finds you fascinating in comparison to what so many of his peers find attractive - he really has no interest until he meets you. He’s a bit surprised to be so drawn in by your body rather than personality first (he’s particular), but he quickly comes to be enamored with all of you. He purchases outfits tailored to hug all your curves just so, and delights in showing you off to other people.