#so it doesn't reflect much

[inkskinned]

i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.

it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.

at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.

even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.

when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.

the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.

you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?

and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?

and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."

how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.

i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.

i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?

[nothorses]

I think the other thing about it is that sometimes what you get out of art says a lot more about you than it does the artist. and what you see in people says more about you than it does them.

the people who looked at Gaiman's work and saw beauty and love for humanity and a life worth living may have been looking at the mask of a monster, and they may have been seeing a bit of something real in an otherwise abusive person, but what they were definitely seeing was a reflection of something already inside themselves.

your relationship with art isn't just about the art, and it isn't just about the artist. it's about you. you are a lens the art shines through, and you are a part of the conversation the art is having, and you are reflecting and being reflected through and by the art, and you are echoing and interpreting pieces of yourself alongside pieces of the art.

it's not foolish to see good things in art made by shitty people. it's not foolish to see good in people who are lying. it's not foolish to trust, believe, hope, or love. I think you might just have hope, love, and joy in your heart, and you might just be finding it in all of those places because you carried it there with you in the first place.

[platoapproved]

The building had been crawling with gentle humans who noticed not a thing as they’d stolen the clothes they now wore, uniforms of the young, and left by a broken door into an alley. Not my brothers and sisters anymore. — QUEEN OF THE DAMNED

[thenamesapollo]

state of deltarune theories is so so bad cuz they all try to connect back to the theme of escapism without noticing that that theme isn't even in deltarune.

[rhaenyras-alicent]

can't stop thinking abt the concept of arthur hearing about this 'emrys' throughout different occasions here and there in the beginning of s4, and at first not thinking much of it, then when the name keeps getting repeated from different villains/sorcerers he interacts with, it finally catches his attention and he becomes genuinely concerned. he makes it a bit of a personal mission to find out who he is, but it's all a very lowkey side plot that's not the main focus (think of the 'traitor' arc also in s4). of course he talks about it with merlin, but to avoid suspicion, merlin shuts him down every time and tries to make him think this mysterious sorcerer is nothing to worry about.

as more time goes on, and the more arthur learns about this powerful sorcerer always protecting him from harm, and as much as he hates to admit this to anyone, most of all himself, as he's only ever been taught to hate magic and anything to do with it- he starts realizing 'emrys' is less of this evil entity that he has to hunt down and kill, and more of a guardian angel that he has genuine interest now in getting to meet. which would also be interesting in terms of contradicting morgana's plot in the same season.

then, in the s4 finale, something that merlin does or says at the end makes him finally connect the dots. he says nothing. the season closes with him just.......... left with the unbearable conflict of it all. the feeling of absolute betrayal from his own friend- the closest person to him that he turned out to not really Know at all, the anger at being lied to and his own obliviousness, all with also the gratitude to this man who has been protecting him without asking for anything in return, the confusion of why he's doing any of it, and the question deep down whether he even deserves it. he is just. left with so many questions and contradicting feelings that he just... says nothing. and we are left with this as the cliffhanger for s4's ending.

[peliginspeaks]

I think having "Nightmares" encompass all psychological troubles is an interesting and honestly pretty fitting decision for the game, given the time period. With Freud being on his peak nonsense at the time, ascribing lots and lots of meaning to dreams was becoming fashionable, and there's a certain elegance to considering yourself to be Plagued By Dread Visions! instead of just...coming apart at the seams from the stress of it all. You're losing sleep because of the nightmares, not because of the things that caused them and their effects on you. You're mumbling to yourself and jumping at shadows because of the lost sleep, not because of that other stuff. Just get somebody or take something to fix the dreams, that's the trick! Nothing you have to acknowledge. Nothing unseemly, and nothing outside of your control. It's so very Victorian. It's sad, in a way, when you see it as an attempt to apply a cultural attitude of denial and carefully constructed (performative) self-mastery - that already didn't work well for the real time period it came from, mind you - to life in a cave that kills and traps you and is filled with horrors both beyond, and unfortunately well within, your comprehension.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[avengers-avenging-shit]

Finished reading the Captive Prince series for the first time last week, and I genuinely love how Damen ends up sent to Vere because he genuinely couldn't see Kastor's treachery until it was too late, he refused to believe Kastor would harm him or commit treason, even when others warned him. And even by the end of the last book, he struggles to reconcile this with who his brother was, even after everything Kastor has done to him and their father.

And yet. Damen's first assumption on hearing Auguste described is that Laurent must have hated him. The golden prince, the heir, surpassing Laurent in strength and skill, etc. Laurent must hate him, because what brother wouldn't hate someone like that? Like, Damen, how is that your first assumption and yet you were so blind to your own brother's hatred until he betrayed you?

[anewp0tat0]

actually realizing that maybe a second huge reason why im rarely around now, aside from my perpetual business and overwhelming mindset, is the fact that I've accidentally curated myself as an art blog only. so aside from everything before, I think I've unwillingly set an expectation of myself to only come back around when I've finished a piece that is new and strong and has much much effort. and I don't do anything else.

this is weird. I swear I'm gonna try to come back around more casually like before. I hope I can insert a piece I did in like 2 hours riiight here:

[bayetea]

while I like hylla in isolation conceptually the amazon chapter really is just the worst part of son of neptune by a mile. son is such a good book but this part is just bad. everything about rick's worldbuilding for the amazons is weird and bad. and although the escape from the amazon base is hazel's first big solo hero moment I don't think it actually does a whole lot for her thematically or in terms of character development unless getting a horse friend out of it counts

I wish the king midas meeting in tlh was transplanted into son of neptune somehow and replaced the whole amazon thing because hazel being face to face with a fellow undead being whose curse mirrors her own (midas touch) really could have led to something interesting and meaningful for her. hazel's curse ruined her life and her mom's life and all the lives of the people who were sold her gems. in tlh midas denies that the gold touch is a curse at all. he's selfish about his perceived right to live as a gaea revenant. he's proud of his curse and how powerful it makes him. he didn't "learn his lesson" when he turned his daughter into gold and he feels no guilt, no need to repent for his past deeds. the man is greedy and unabashedly perverse in his obsession with having and generating wealth. this characterization of the king midas figure renders him the picture perfect foil for hazel, who suffers from extreme guilt and shame over her past, who is unselfish to the point of self-harm, who wants to live but struggles to believe she deserves it, who views material wealth as a conduit for misery in the most literal way - because of her mother's fate, her father's influences, and because of the curse that she never asked for. can you imagine the faceoff and everything that it would mean for her

but none of this happened lol and instead we have the chapters that turned a legendary mythological society of warrior women into a lazy spoof of jeff bezos whose in-text mission statement is to hoard wealth and make people become so dependent on their services that they can take over the world 👍 yeah

[the-crooked-library]

opened tiktok (mistake number one, i know) and immediately saw someone saying that Thomas Hutter subverts the "disbelieving husband" trope which... listen i love a thoroughly pathetic mess of a man myself and i get that Ellen's other option is a 400yo evil corpse, but can we please not give him credit for things he didn't do?..

the literal inciting incident of the story is that Thomas DOESN'T listen to Ellen. he doesn't believe her. she tells him that she's got a bad feeling about this trip, begs him not to go, tells him about her nightmare - and what does he do? he calls it a childish fantasy, tells her to stop worrying, and implies that she would benefit from talking to a doctor. saying shit softly doesn't make it any less dismissive or insulting, like i'm sorry but this is peak Disbelieving Husband in a Horror Movie behaviour. he only changed his mind once Orlok put him through the horrors himself, which is also a perfectly standard thing for a Disbelieving Husband to do in the second act. furthermore, from the beginning of the film, he neglects Ellen's emotional needs, is uncomfortable with her abnormalities, and doesn't even really know what sort of gifts she likes - and again, these are all standard flaws for a Disbelieving Husband to exhibit. they're indicative of a disconnect between him and his wife that he continuously refuses to bridge.

caring for someone doesn't mean you can't neglect or harm them, and that applies to everyone - including Normal People like Thomas, like Harding, like Sievers, like the viewer; and that's the point of the film

[gingermintpepper]

For the longest time, the quintessential song describing Apollo's wrath and consequent murder of Coronis for me was Marah in the Mainsail's 'Your Work isn't Done'.

It's dark. It's seething. Its image of Fate pushing the scorned speaker to complete his foul, terrible work of killing the man who stole his lover away from him is particularly powerful and it's always evoked this gruesomely tragic evolution of a glassy eyed Apollo stumbling through the streets, weak-legged and trembling from the betrayal growning more and more wrathful 'til he can think of no other course than to aim his bow and shoot. The price of betraying his trust is death and Coronis betrayed so much more than just his trust by taking Ischys as her lover.

The song itself captures that sensation of building wrath so well too. From the lonely guitar and vocals at the beginning which evoke this lonely, stripped back but distant grief to the way the singer is practically screaming his refrain of "Your work here isn't done" by the end, accompanied by the full blasting of instruments and an omnious chorus at his side, everything about this song is centered around building stakes, building realisations, building tensions and it creates this feeling of the speaker growing closer and closer with each new verse and chorus that adds to his anger.

There's also the absolute treasure trove of lyrics that work so well for specifically this tale. A brief overview of some of my favourites include;

- There's a crow overhead singing "Oh, Death is my friend."

- And though you think your time has come, the wheels of Fate have spun. Death has declared your work here isn't done.

- There's a girl on my heart safe ashore in her lover's arms

There's just such a vivid image to be drawn here - of Apollo's emotions being swallowed by his rage, of his resolve to end everything the more he bears witness to Coronis' brazen affair. There's even a strong female voice in the first two verses which seem to egg the speaker on in his spiral - a perfect opening to include Artemis who wishes for her brother to hunt that which brought him such pain alongside her. An Artemis who reinforces just what Coronis has done, an Artemis who does not want her brother to repress his anger after such grave an insult just because love was once there.

To me, it was perfect. Apollo's killing of Coronis was a crime of passion, an execution he sometimes cannot even bring himself to commit according to who is telling the tale. It's a wretched situation, harrowing, suffocating and cruel but if not by Apollo's hands, Coronis would simply die by another's. She cannot live after what she has done. The gods simply would not allow it.

AND THEN MY BIAS WAS COMPLETELY WRECKED BY LORD HURON.

Now, let it be known, I am a huge Lord Huron fan. Strange Trails is perhaps the most Apollo-coded album I've ever heard and songs like Yawning Grave and The Balancer's Eye capture such a visceral, gorgeous portrait of cosmic grief and anger that they haven't really left my brain since I first listened to them. Still, 'Setting Sun' from their Lonesome Dream album completely flew under my radar. Maybe it's because the commercial version is so much snappier than the Alive from Whispering Pines recording, maybe it's because I just hadn't listened to Lord Huron's discography in a while but my god. My god.

This song has it all; a quiet menace in its music, a strong male singer who sounds only barely restrained, an absolute HOST of lyrics that are so wonderfully perfect for the scenario -- after getting over how wonderful the song itself is, I immediately dethroned Your Work isn't Done because ultimately, 'Setting Sun' has something in abundance that 'Your Work isn't Done' minimised in order to focus on the wrath driving the song forward.

And that's love.

Setting Sun is so powerful because it's not just a revenge ballad - it's a dirge, a breakup song, a lament, a regret manifesto. So many times during the song, the speaker wonders when his lover stopped loving him. He recounts intimate moments and wonders if his lover was thinking of the other man when she was enjoying herself, wonders if anything she'd said was even real. And I love that so, so much.

Ultimately, Apollo adored Coronis. As inevitable as her death was, he regretted every second of it. No matter how angry, no matter how betrayed, no matter how intensely he was shamed, he still loved her. He weeps for her when she dies, he screams and grieves and cries when he's faced with her corpse. In some tales, no matter the cocktail of emotion driving him, he simply cannot bring himself to kill her. He'd rather cry in Artemis' arms and take his anger out on his own servant than hurt her. His own father has to dispatch Ischys since Apollo can't even bring himself to hurt that which Coronis once loved. Of course, in this case, Apollo's going to kill someone but the point is, it's not a decision of pure anger so much as its this complicated, horrible mix of resolve and lost love.

And my god does Setting Sun capture this conflict, passion, grief and love so well. UGH, I'm vibrating just thinking about it -- there are so many points where I hear its lyrics and can vividly picture Apollo, jaw clenched looking Coronis in her eyes and quietly confronting her.

Coronis, returning home at twilight after spending the day with Ischys to Apollo stringing his bow, "Oh? Is he ready to die for you baby? No, but you know I would."

Coronis lying to him about who she's spent her time with and Apollo's soft, near pained, "Does it hurt when you lie to me? If you asked, I would set you free."

I even really love the image of a Coronis who runs away from Apollo upon realising what will soon happen, not to escape his arrows but to warn Ischys who does not know what will happen. Of Apollo getting into his stance, taking aim at them and gathering his strength as the final refrains rings out "I know I'll never reclaim your love and that's as hard as it gets, so I'll be taking a life when the sun sets."

Other favourite lines of mine include;

- Oh, is he ready to die for you baby, now that the deed is done?

- Tell me when did I lose your love? Was it him you were thinking of?

- And I could never betray your love, you had me heart and soul. You might never have known it girl, but I was all yours.

And ultimately, I just like this conflicted portrait of premeditated murder much more than the crime of passion 'Your Work isn't Done' paints. Crimes of passion - especially when Apollo is concerned - are tragic in their own right, but in Coronis' case, I think I prefer it so much more when there's no way for Apollo's action to be misconstrued for anything other than what it is, especially since he goes on to cut Asclepius from his mother's corpse then carry on with building her funeral pyre. I think there's something so much more impacting about Apollo being unable to hide away from Coronis' blood on his hands and him having to raise Asclepius with those selfsame hands.

Love of the mortal does not supercede the responsibility of the divine. If Coronis' sentence no matter what is death, who better to lead her gently to the knife than he who still loves her?

[asavt]

[ Reflection ] About yourself.

Was listening to Shunkan Sentimental by SCANDAL at like 10 p.m. and stayed up until 4 a.m. to work on this. I didn't finish it right away tho, I still had to sleep.

Two extras below read more!

[ace-and-ranty]

Honest to God, I'd love if, "There are two genders, Saidin and Said" was the elementary school version of the One Power, and by the time you get to college, it really should have been, "Who the fuck knows, even", but the WoT world just has not reached that point yet.

[amid-fandoms]

the truth is that we are the loves of dan and phil's lives and it shows

[kagiura-akira]

Sometimes I feel like the average onlooker could skim Hirano to Kagiura and probably think reasonably that their only communication issue is that time Kagi accidentally confessed out of the blue in broad daylight and Hirano didn't understand what he meant... And then I think about how on a deeper level it's so much worse than that. And even casual readers could probably look at it and think the extra layer is only Hirano's aspec tendencies interfering with his ability to understand Kagi's romantic love and situations like Kagi being petty with sasahira and not being forthcoming about how much it bothers him.

Need the people to spread far and wide about Kagi's inability to be honest about the depths of his attraction to Hirano and how it partially hinders Hirano's genuine attempts to understand him.