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musclesandhammering · 3 years ago

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Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

#antisylki #loki meta #kinda #loki series critical #loki series negativity #anti loki x sylvie #anti loki series #anti sylvie #frosty bby #loki deserved better #I don’t even like TVA!Loki tho so I guess it doesn’t matter with him lmao #tva loki #loki laufeyson

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screamingatanemptyroom · 3 years ago

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Please Fix the Story pt 26 - The Higher Realm

The Higher realm continues. So close to the end!

Master post linked here

Enjoy!

______________________________

Time passed, but it was difficult to tell how much. Time worked so differently in the different realms. How long did we really spend trying to save one lower realm? Minutes? Decades? It felt like no time and forever. Adonis and I traveled to lower realm after lower realm, fixing the stories, stabilizing the world before heading back to the higher realm.

Some lower realms were easy, if a bit annoying, such as the high school dramas. In those I would often play the “average” new girl at a school. I would meet new people, and was supposed to go on to have romance, betrayals and coming of age realizations. I quickly realized that befriending all my supposed romantic leads instead of dating them, reconciling with my rivals instead of humiliating them, and pushing towards success all together was a much more satisfying strategy. Fortunately, graduating valedictorian with a happy and psychologically healthy group of teenagers often stabilized worlds that had been torn apart by half-baked character design or infighting between rivals.

I took calculus so many times that I could recite lessons in my sleep, but at least the worlds were saved. Despite our success, however, Adonis was often frustrated. He had his own vision of how we were to save these realms. His plans almost always involved us dating, making the high school romance “successful”.

I refused.

He had been a lot more likable since our first meeting, and I was able to consider him a close friend and ally… but I felt uncomfortable at the idea of even pretending to have a romantic relationship. It was definitely a more difficult route to stabilize the world without a romance, but I chose it every time. Adonis pouted and complained, but couldn’t argue with success, and I was successful.

Some lower realms were more difficult. In particular, zombie apocalypse stories were my least favorites. The worlds often couldn’t be stabilized until a cure was found or humanity’s survival was assured. This meant that Adonis and I sometimes spent decades within these realms, working to build armies, or teams of scientists. There was hardly ever any running water, which meant showering was few and far between.

My unwashed self was made even filthier by my absolute failure at using anything with range. Bow and arrow, guns… anything that would keep me out of the gore, I couldn’t hit even the largest of monsters. Fortunately I picked up a sword with relative ease, which allowed me to fight… but this also meant I got covered in rotten blood and guts.

I hated zombie worlds the most.

Realm after realm. We worked constantly, spending very little time in between in the higher realms. Adonis would often try to use those moments to push his ideas regarding fate and the higher realm’s story, but as soon as I rejected him, which I did every time, he would simply scowl and pull us into the next lower realm to save.

It was getting old.

“How many lower realms are there?” I asked one evening as we recovered from our latest mission, rubbing my sore shoulder where I had taken a blow in the last sci-fi alien battle. The wounds disappeared with the realm traveling, but my mind still could feel the wound, projecting the pain long after I had left that form behind.

Adonis leaned back in his chair, his grin a little too bitter to be a natural expression. “How many unfinished stories are there? Infinite, Bel. There are infinite lower realms. We will never be able to save them all. Not like this.”

“It’s not like there’s a lot of options.”

“There are options. You just don’t want to hear them.”

“What, this fate you keep talking about?” I sighed, closing my eyes, tired. “ It sounds like a terrible idea.”

“It’s not.” His voice was quiet, but the intensity shown through all the same. “It’s our duty. Everyone’s survival depends on it.”

“But what you’re saying is: we follow along some sort of script…”

“Fate.”

“…fate… here, in the higher realm. And that is somehow supposed to fix the lower realms?”

He chuckled. “You’re oversimplifying it, but pretty much. We follow our fate, and the heroes of the lower realms will find their happiness tied to ours.”

“What if they don’t want that ending? What if they don’t want that happiness?”

“Of course they do! Everyone wants a happily ever after with their destined one.” He snapped. My eyes flickered open to study his enraged expression.

“I don’t.”

“You’re selfish!”

I shrugged. “Am I? If you’re right, we submit to fate here, everyone in the lower realms gets an automatic happy ending… but most of those worlds aren’t breaking because they don’t have a happy ending. They need a wider world, different ideas… and what about the side characters, even the villains… what about their happiness?”

“They don’t matter.”

“Why not?” I raised an eyebrow. “Just because they’re the villains?”

“They’re evil.” He stood up, trying to tower over me. An intimidation tactic, one that might have worked before we’d spent countless years fighting in life-or-death battles together.

“Have you met the heroes and heroines of some of these realms?” I laughed. “They’re not much better. I don’t think these roles are as clear as you would like them to be. And I don’t think you and I having a happy ending together, and forcing a simplistic ‘and they lived happily ever after’ on all the lower realms will actually fix them. In fact…” I stood up, and he stepped back slightly at the danger in my tone. “I bet we would break them all the more. Are you really so foolish as to think that saving a universe of worlds would be so simple?”

“…” Adonis was gritting his teeth, his hands clenched so tightly the knuckles were white. But I didn’t back down. Didn’t step back. I knew he wouldn’t hit me. He wouldn’t dare step out of the role he imagined himself to be in. Wouldn’t dare cross a line that might ruin his chances at the happy ending he seemed to crave so desperately.

“…” The silence stretched on between us. We were at an impasse. He wanted to follow fate. He wanted clearly defined roles and rules to follow. And I?

I wanted freedom.

*** Soul transfer 11% complete. ***

It’s been forever since I last saw those words… I thought it had disappeared. For some reason, I felt a deep sense of relief at the glowing blue sentence. Something within me had frozen during these many trips to the lower realms, but finally it was growing again.

“The next world is waiting.” Adonis spoke up, his tone flat. I noticed an odd shifting of his gaze, a reluctance to meet my own, and felt a sense of unease.

I won’t like this next world. I cracked my knuckles and gave him a thumbs up. Well, no sense running from a challenge.

We left.

______________________________

I woke up in a luxurious canopy bed. Staring up at the fabric , I raised my arms and have a cheer.

“YES! NOT A ZOMBIE WORLD!”

On the downside, the setting appeared to be a more primitive era, medieval at best, which meant no running water, but at least I appeared to be noble or wealthy.

At least if I suffer, I’ll be clean while I do it!

“Princess?” A young woman dressed as a servant entered the room, seeming very confused. “Are you all right? I heard you yelling.”

I smiled brightly at her. “No worries. It was just a nightmare.”

She visibly relaxed. “Even so, you seem in a much better mood, if I may say so.”

“Really?”

“Yes, you haven’t broken a single thing this morning.” She, unfortunately did not seem to be kidding. “I’m so glad you’ve accepted your father’s decision.

I didn’t have my character’s memories yet. I needed to accept the mission first. In the meantime, acting too out of character could destabilize an already poorly functional world.

“I’m still… thinking it over.” I spoke up cautiously.

“It’s not so bad, your highness.” She smiled at me. “Most young girls feel a little uneasy when their father arranges their husband. But you’ll be happy. I just know it.”

Arranged marriage?

“After all, Prince Harold is reported to be a true gentleman, a might warrior, and a handsome young man!” She sighed dreamily. “Any woman would be thrilled for a chance to be his bride.”

“I’m. Sure.” I spoke through gritted teeth, the satin sheets crumpling in my grip. Adonis, when I find you, I’m going to make you regret every life decision you’ve ever made… and the ones you’ve only considered making. What kind of lower realm did you land us in? As I plotted my revenge, the mission screen popped up.

**** NEW WORLD: A Divided Kingdom****

This is a romance fantasy story featuring a prince and a princess from different kingdoms, putting aside their differences to save the world.

“I already don’t like this.” I muttered.

The Princess Alaire of the Yenlar Kingdom was a clever, independent woman, horrified at the idea of an arranged marriage. Prince Harold of the Bestion Kingdom felt differently. He fell in love at first sight and vowed to woo the young maiden. The couple was different in almost every way, and seemed destined to bicker and fight.

“Then how about we don’t get married?”

But fate had other plans…

“Of course it did!”

A terrifying beast threatened to destroy both their kingdoms, and to survive, the political marriage had to go forward. Uniting the kingdoms, and therefore their armed forces, was the only way to save their people.

However, despite the happy ending, the first book was not well received by readers and the trilogy was abandoned due to poor sales. The reason given was that the romance was “forced” and unbelievable.

Your mission is to bring a satisfying end to the story, while making ensuring the survival of both kingdoms.

**** DO YOU ACCEPT THIS MISSION? ****

YES? NO?

“Quick question.” I spoke quietly to the glowing words in front of me. “Do I have to marry the prince to ensure an ending?”

The kingdoms will not unite without the political marriage.

“That wasn’t what I asked. I asked if I HAVE to marry the prince. What if I can save both kingdoms without a political marriage?”

The stability of the world is all that matters.

“No lecture on the necessity of fate?”

**** DO YOU ACCEPT THIS MISSION? ****

YES? NO?

I grinned. “Sure. Let’s do it.”

As the words faded away, I jumped out of bed. My head spun slightly as I accepted the memories from the poor princess of the original story.

She had not been happy.

She had dreams, ambitions. The Kingdom of Yenlar allowed for women to inherit the throne, and as the firstborn she was ready to take over from her father, to rule her nation. She had spent her entire life preparing. Studying law, economics, warfare…

And all of it had meant nothing in the end.

She had begged for a political treaty. One that did not involve marriage. The Kingdom of Bestion had refused to even discuss it. They stated that there was too much distrust between the kingdoms to move forward without some sort of permanent assurance. Even the threat of annihilation from the ancient beast of legend wasn’t enough to have them reconsider. That wasn’t the full story, though.

Later she discovered that Prince Harold had seen her at a party. He had supposedly fallen in love with her at first sight, and became determined to marry her. He had learned of her plans to marry a minor noble, one who would support her position on the throne without causing an imbalance of power within the nobility. He had no chance, as far as she was concerned. The threatened destruction of their people was just the perfect opportunity to force the matter.

She had lost all power. Becoming a figurehead, a beautiful statue beside the true king, Harold. He ruled over both nations with an iron fist, treating her own people more harshly, much to the approval of his staff. She slowly became bitter and deranged, watching the destruction of the people and the nation she loved so dearly.

Beyond the end of the first book, when the realm’s story ended, she had attempted to poison him and failed. Harold had been disappointed, but felt that she still had use as a figurehead. They faked a stroke, and kept her mute and weak with poisons. A lovely doll. A perfect figurehead.

…is this a fantasy or a horror? Sheesh, no wonder the trilogy wasn’t going to sell. I shuddered, still standing awkwardly next to the beautiful bed that had belonged to a lovely young woman.

I will change this story. I spoke silently to the memories, feeling a sense of relief that didn’t belong to me as I did so.

First, let’s try to reason with Adonis. He and I had worked together in multiple realms, side by side. We were friends. We may not see eye to eye when it came to our approach towards fate and the lower realms, but he had never forced me to do something I didn’t want. He had always respected me and backed off when I said no, even if it made him unhappy.

Hopefully this time will be the same. I thought uneasily. Hopefully he will listen.

______________________________

“No.” His tone was gleeful, but his face was calm, towing with a silver goblet rather than meeting my gaze.

“Are you joking?” I leaned forward, keeping a gentle smile on my face to fool the guards and our fathers who sat on the other end of the enormous dining table.

“I’m perfectly serious, Princess Alaire. Our kingdoms face certain doom at the hands of the ancient beast. The only way to survive is to work together. We can only work together if we trust each other. The only way the Kingdom of Bestion will trust the Kingdom of Yenlar is with a marriage alliance. It’s out of my hands.”

I reached forward and took the cup from his hands, forcing him to look at me. “Why are you forcing this, Adonis? You know it didn’t work out so well for the originals.”

“Careful Princess.” His eyes glanced over at the nearby guards. “You don’t want anything to destabilize the situation further, now do you? Better to act as a proper princess should.”

“Answer the question. This plan already failed. Why do you think it will work?”

“Simple.” He leaned forward and plucked the goblet back from my hands. “We’re different. You may not want to admit it, but we have spent lifetimes at each other’s side. Growing up, going to school, facing enemies, fighting together… we could make this work. It would be a wonderful ending.”

“You know what happened to Alaire after the first book.”

“I would never do that to you.”

“But you are.” I growled, wishing I could punch him. “You are trying to make me a beautiful figurehead, just like Harold did to Alaira.”

“We would rule side by side.”

“What use is that promise, if you are already ignoring my wishes and forcing me to do this in the first place?”

He shook his head. “You have to trust me. This is the only way we can defeat the monster, and stabilize this realm. We’ll save this world. Together.” He smiled. “It’s our fate.”

I threw a plate at him, forcing him to fling himself on the floor to avoid injury. Walking out, I ignored my father’s shouts of rage. Picking up a bag I had packed ahead of time, just in case, I changed into some light armor, grabbed a sword, and headed out into the forest.

If I couldn’t win by a political alliance, I was going to find another way to save the world.

I was going monster hunting.

I searched Princess Alaira’s memories of the legends and stories, going out in a northern direction towards the area known as Death Valley.

As I marched onward, my thoughts wandered over the time I had spent since I had woken up in the Higher Realm. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed with Adonis. He might truly think that he was saving the world by insisting on going through with the marriage, but his lack of willingness to even consider other options was frustrating. He was the only person consistently by my side through every one of these worlds, someone I considered a friend, and being unable to rely on him served to make me feel all the lonelier.

My mind briefly touched on the assassin of the first realm, Liam. I had thought with his comments and actions that he had known about my mission… that he might be from the higher realm too. But no matter how much I looked for him, no matter how much I hoped to see him again, I never did.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was someone from the lower realm, and I’ll never have the chance to see him, to thank him.

I felt a sense of despair. How long can I keep doing this? Is this why Adonis preaches following our fate so much? Is he as tired of traveling, tired of the missions and the different lives? Is he just hoping to end all this?

I sighed, keeping moving. I’m not that tired, not tired enough to sacrifice my freedom. Not yet, anyways.

It took several days of traveling. Fortunately from my years of experience in zombie worlds, I was well prepared to survival in the wilderness. At least here the rivers were clean, allowing me to bathe occasionally. Finally I was at the entrance of the valley, staring up at the pillars on either side.

There were ominous words carved deeply into the stone.

Only death lies ahead.

I stared at the words silently for a few moments, and then shrugged.

“Still better than marrying Adonis.”

I moved forward.

______________________________

The valley was dark, a deep fog settled in permanently, apparently unaffected by the weather beyond its borders. Dark twisted purple trees rose all around me, their roots tearing through the earth desperate searching for nutrients. The valley was quiet, suffocating in an unsettling silence. My presence there felt like an intrusion, my instincts screaming at me to run away, to escape.

I kept moving.

There were no other signs of life. But I knew at least one other being lived here, the reason why nothing else dared to.

The Ancient beast.

There were no descriptions of it in the legends. Just that it was deadly, enough to take on entire armies. And that it was terrifying.

I feel like I should have seen something by now, if it was so large. I sighed, sitting on one of the trees, staring up at the mountain ahead of me. Shouldn’t it be easier to find an enormous beast that terrified an entire world?

…

Wait.

I looked up, struggling to see the top of the mountain in front of me.

I’m in a valley…

The mountain moved up and down, with regular motions.

There shouldn’t be a mountain here.

It was breathing.

I drew my sword, inwardly despairing. I had underestimated the sheer scale of the monster. I had thought it would be the size of a house, an elephant. Instead it towered stories above me, unimaginably large.

I was doomed.

There was a rumble as the beast in front of me shifted. I couldn’t tell the shape, just an impression of scales and spikes. Slowly, something lowered down in front of me, stretching forward in all directions, filling my vision. I saw teeth larger than my own body, the white of them contrasting with the dark fog around us. As I prepared myself for my death, an eye opened to stare at me.

It was a beautiful dark blue.

“…”

Suddenly, I felt relief. It was incomprehensible. I was standing in front of an ancient beast, enormous and terrifying, and instead of fear and dread… I felt safe.

I raised a hand, almost despite myself. “Hello there.”

The eye blinked. I comforted myself that it hadn’t eaten me yet.

“I think you look awesome. I’m Princess Alaira from the nearby kingdom of Yenlar. I actually came here to kill you, to protect my people… but now I realize that you could crush me like an ant, and that was a bad plan.”

The eye blinked twice. It seemed more confused than anything.

“I have a much better plan, if you would be willing to listen to me.” I let out a laugh, slightly startled at how… villainous it sounded.

*** Soul transfer 20% complete. ***

The creature let out a sound like thunder. I felt that it was laughing too.

______________________________

The wedding was this morning.

I was surprised as I drew near to see the party going. You would think that after I disappeared, they might have canceled or delayed it. I assumed that Adonis had felt sure that I would agree with him in the end. That I wouldn’t be able to let the world end just because I didn’t want to marry him.

Well too bad, buddy. This princess has a different plan in mind!

I could see him, standing on the elevated stage before two thrones, waiting. I couldn’t see his expression from this distance, but I imagine he was barely hiding his worry. Alaire’s father and Harold’s father were also waiting on the platform, their postures betraying their impatience.

“Let’s get this party started!” I yelled.

ROOOOOOOAAAAAAR!

The ancient beast let out a triumphant roar as he flew closer and lowered his head, letting me jump down onto the platform before landing behind me, a large, threatening mountain of a creature.

“Alaire?” The king called out, confused. “What are you doing?”

“Hello, Father.” I also nodded to Adonis, who stared back.

“What is this?”

“Your daughter is a witch!” The King of Bestion shouted, drawing his ceremonial sword. “She betrayed us!”

“Hold on, father.” Adonis held out his hand, stopping his attack. “I’m sure it’s not what it looks like.”

I grinned.

“Nope. It’s exactly what it looks like. I’ve teamed up with the Ancient being. We’re friends now.” I gestured at the monster high above us, who let out a grim chuckle, shaking the ground. “So now I make the rules, got it?”

“…”

“I’ll take everyone’s stunned silence as happy agreement! Now, first rule: Wedding canceled.”

“What?”

“You can’t do this!”

The three other royals on stage shouted simultaneously. I simply pointed again at the enormous creature.

“I can do whatever I want. The big scary monster behind me says so. Next, the kingdom of Bestion will surrender to me, as will the kingdom of Yenlar.”

“You want to rule the world?” Adonis’s gaze was… disappointed. I grinned shamelessly. “Nope. But here’s the thing: Our kingdoms face certain doom at the hands of the ancient beast. The only way to survive is to convince the monster not to kill us. The monster only trusts me. So I have to rule both kingdoms.” I shrugged. “It’s out of my hands.”

I threw his words from earlier back at him, and felt satisfied as he winced in recognition.

“We… surrender.” His words were quiet, defeated.

“You unruly child!” My father tried to shout, but a roar from the monster above us silenced him. He quickly surrendered too. I accepted both surrenders, quickly organizing the meetings to bring our governments together under one rule. Fortunately, the princess’s years of study served me well, guiding me smoothly through the process.

______________________________

I had one more confrontation with Adonis, the night before the coronation. He was escorted to my rooms by guards, saying he had a request. I hesitated briefly, but allowed him in, waving the guards behind the door so we could speak freely.

“What was that?” He shouted as soon as they had left.

I stayed sitting, forcing myself to be calm. “I fixed the story.”

“You ruined everything! Even if it stabilizes this world, it will ruin it in the long run.”

“Says you.”

“Trust me.” He threw up his hands as he paced back and forth. “Everything will go a lot smoother if you STOP CHANGING THE STORY.”

“I thought that was why we were here, though?” I sighed, leaning back in my chair and cleaning my nails with a blade. “To fix the lower realms, to save these worlds? That requires change, right?”

He paused in his movements, glaring at me. “Stop acting stupid. These worlds are broken because they didn’t follow the rules. We have to follow them perfectly.”

“I don’t want to though.” I shuddered. “No offense, but if the story is going to require us to have a romantic relationship, I’m finding an alternate solution.”

“That’s what the story requires, you have your role to play. You know the consequences of not playing the right part.”

I sighed. “No, there’s always different paths to take. You’re a good friend, and I’m glad to have you by my side, but that’s different than love.”

“…”

“You clearly don’t love me either, so why are you making such a fuss about this? As long as we complete what we came here to do, that’s all that matters, right?”

“…”

“Right?”

Adonis stepped closer to me, his atmosphere slightly threatening. “Why are you so different from what you are supposed to be?”

“What are you…?”

“Why can’t you just accept.”

His hand grabbed my wrist, the grip painful.

“your.”

He pulled me closer until our faces were inches apart. His bright blue eyes were blazing with anger as they stared into my own.

“fate.”

Letting me go, he walked away, putting some distance between us, before turning back to face me.

“This lower realm is stabilized. We should return.” His smile was cold. “The next mission is a little different from our previous ones. We’ll talk about it later.”

“…”

“And next time…?” He laughed, a bitter sound. “You’ll play your part whether you want to or not.”

THUD.

The blade in my hand threw through the air, stabbing into the wall inches from his face. I smiled cheerfully as he looked back at me, shocked.

“Try touching me again, and I’ll cut off something you’ll miss. We’ll discuss missions and roles again in the higher realm, but for now?” I rang a bell and guards came in, escorting him out. “I have a coronation to plan.”

______________________________

My coronation was held outside so that the Ancient beast could stand behind me. It seemed cheerful, letting out victorious roars and swaying from side to side. The people cheered as well, seeming a lot happier than I expected them to be. I guess they’re relieved that they won’t be eaten by the giant monster? I wondered idly how I was going to incorporate the creature into the day to day life of a monarch. For an odd reason I had very little doubt that the monster would stick around.

However, all my plans came to nothing. As the crown was placed on my head, bright blue words formed in the air in front of me:

100% complete.

**** You have finished the mission! ****

It was time to go.

At little sad, I looked up at the ancient monster above me. “Thank you, friend for your help. I wish I could stay with you longer.”

A mournful cry echoed through the world. It seemed to understand that I was leaving. Before I could say anything more to reassure it, the world around me shimmered and disappeared.

Only to reveal a furious Adonis standing in front of me.

“Happy now, Your Majesty?” He sneered.

“Oof, someone’s still a little angry that I used an ancient monster conquer the world. Believe it or not, I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you. But you know why I did what I did. Let’s talk about it in the morning.”

I walked away, feeling his glare on my back long after I was out of sight.

______________________________

When I woke up, I realized that I couldn't move.

I panicked, struggling to move my arms and legs, only managing to turn my head slightly. Enough to see Adonis’s smug expression as he sat by my bed.

“It’s time for our story to progress, Bel.” His smile was strange, twisted. I couldn’t talk back, I shook my head slightly side to side.

“I’m the hero, you are the heroine. If the relationship between us can’t be advanced by working together, than it must be forged in adversity." He reached down and picked me up, carrying me out of the small cottage I had arranged for myself and into the castle courtyard. Whatever drug he had injected me with was slowly wearing off, and I struggled in his arms, finally able to shout.

“Put me down!”

To my surprise he did, and although I struggled to stay upright, I kept my balance and glared at him.

“What are you planning?”

He sighed quietly. “I’m tired of always being the one to compromise. It’s time for you to make a sacrifice, Bel. I’ve avoided this so far, worried that progressing our story this way would kill you, but it seems that it is our fate that we take this risk. It’s… unfortunate. I do very much hope you don’t die.” He paused, trying to smile at me. “Don’t worry. It’s only temporary. I’ll come and rescue you soon.”

“A sacrifice?” I felt cold, even as I stood in the warm afternoon sun. My thoughts were slow to form, possibly a side effect of the medication. “Why?”

He shrugged. “There’s an order to everything. Rules. Law. They are all that stand between us and pure chaos. No one can ignore them. Not you. Not even me.”

“Then sacrifice yourself, asshole! Why send me?”

He shrugged. “It’s your role to play, not mine. Your fate.”

“Screw fate! I don’t care if you say it’s temporary or not! Friends don’t sacrifice friends!” I was furious, still weak and feeling helpless.

His hand reached out and brushed my cheek, the touch freezing my skin. I wanted to move away but I could still barely move, only managing to glare at him. “Don’t look at me with those eyes. It’s not my fault. If you want to blame anyone, blame the story.”

“Ad…”

“Sorry, you must accept your fate.” I felt a pinch in my arm, the stick of a needle as he injected something into the muscle. Immediately darkness overwhelmed me.

“We all do.”

Everything faded into darkness.

______________________________

When I woke up, I was in a strange world, surrounded by forest. I lay on my back, still feeling weak, fury coursing through my veins.

Adonis and I had worked well together, despite arguing multiple times in the past. But now… any goodwill I had towards him was gone. He had betrayed me. Knocked me out and sent me to somewhere dangerous, somewhere I could be killed, just to follow his precious fate. To get the story he wanted.

“Are you lost?

I looked over at the source of the voice. It was a tall young man with dark hair, wearing grey, non-descript clothing. He kneeled down next to me, and I found myself staring into dark blue eyes.

“Seems a good description for my current situation.” I smiled despite the dizziness. “Nice to meet you, Stranger.”

He grinned, reaching out a hand to help me up. “Call me Liam.”

Liam? Could he be…?

“…Nice to meet you, Liam.” I laughed. “Or should I say: nice to see you again?”

*** Soul transfer 25% complete. ***

#writing #please fix the story #fantasy #fate #next part will be fun #world hopping

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landoflustfulladies · 2 years ago

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Seeing a post about cyberware driving you mad in Cyberpunk reminds me on my interesting takes on the matter, and since y’all follow me you have to put up with my bullshit!

So first off, fascinating to note that in Cyberpunk RED, the latest version of the tabletop game, the artificial nature of cyberware has nothing to do with it messing with your head. If you lose a limb or were born without one, getting a replacement medical grade (equivalent in all ways to human) limb has zero effect on your mental health! It is rather explicitly chopping off a functional limb to replace it with an enhanced one that starts eating away at you. The question being more “are you really willing to go under the knife for the sake of a job?” An unusual job for sure, but in the end that’s what it really is.

It’s also distinctly not a one way track! You can actually get therapy to undo the Humanity loss you take from installing cybernetics! My personal take is that it’s this therapy that allows you to stop seeing these as an external piece of hardware that you’ve grafted into your body, but instead something you’ve managed to bring in line with a new, stable self image! Madness explicitly is the cost of too much, too fast.

And as for some spoilers related to Edgerunners specifically. I’m up through Episode 8 so far, so spoilers up to that point.

It’s fascinating seeing the different instances of cyberpsychosis in the show. No two instances are quite the same! The cyberpsycho at the start is how a lot of people are used to thinking of such folks, just a relentless killing machine engaging in bloodshed for its own sake. The second cyberpsycho we meet is interesting because he’s actually just minding his own damn business, it’s just that he rapidly escalates to murder when Pilar starts pestering him. This isn’t a man going out and killing people in the street at random. While we don’t see his perspective, I imagine for him it’s the equivalent of being pestered by a fly, humans stopped registering to him and so there just wasn’t anything wrong with killing them for being annoying, but he also wasn’t initiating in the same way as the psycho at the very start.

Where it gets interesting is the decline of Maine and David! With Maine, we see that he’s effectively trapped in a memory. The man is constantly pushing himself to get stronger, and when he loses it he’s perceiving the world around him like it was before he chromed up. He doesn’t kill at random either. Not that what he did was reasonable, mind, but it was always to assert strength when he felt threatened. When he and David are just talking at the end, he doesn’t lash out. He’s putting together a funeral pyre for his friend, holding a comprehensible conversation. His actions make sense to him specifically, because he’s lost touch with what’s in front of him, the pursuit of power having finally locked him in the past, and even then there are hints that he kinda has a rough idea of what’s going on around him, it’s just all messed up.

David, meanwhile, hallucinates about him and the people around him turning into weapons. He is seems to very specifically worried that he is becoming something else, something that is only good for killing. And that’s the big thing with a lot of these cybernetics we see. I don’t think it’s a question of enhancing the self. Every instance of cybernetics we see is about increasing the capacity for violence. There’s a limit to how much you can rebuild yourself in the name of violence before something starts to break down. I think that’s another huge thing. It’s not just about improvement of the self, it’s about internalizing this existence based entirely around violence.

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collisiondiscourse · 3 years ago

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Man, why does it feel like the threshold for success has a time limit? I always feel like if I'm not an insanely popular artist or powerful influencer by the time I turn eighteen, then I am an utter failure and a waste of my teenage years. I think one of the biggest pitfalls of how the generation of kids today has been raised is that we've basically been socialized to think that our best achievements have to come in our youth or else they become virtually worthless.

Like... Oh? you're a talented pianist and played in front of an auditorium of hundreds at an opera house? how old were you when that happened?

A forty-seven-year-old would be met with a few impressed nods, maybe, and people congratulating them for all their hard work and experience.

A fourteen-year-old would get news articles. they'd go viral on the internet and thousands of people would be clambering over each other to sing praises of how they were blessed with such innate talent.

I get it. It's impressive, right? Because they're young and haven't had plenty of years of experience. These kids, by all means, deserve all the praise and attention for working hard to get where they were!

But that's not the case, is it? And the culture of people putting more credit for young people's achievements doesn't even fuckin end there.

Because not only does this exact same pattern happen with literally every single thing ever, even totally non-competitive hobbies like painting, it happens with such frequency that it's considered normal. Articles use age markers about successes to serve as clickbait for their articles. Cable companies start shows purely about young prodigies and how they've beaten their adult competitors. Because who wouldn't wanna hear about a ten-year-old chess champion, right?

And what's even worse is that it then becomes a competition even among young people themselves! You scroll down on a video of a pre-teen playing Winter Wind and I promise you there will be at least one asshole saying shit like "This kid is not impressive. I saw a nine year old do the same thing the other day!"

It eats away at you! It really fucking does! because we go down this stupid rabbit-hole wherein younger and younger kids get paraded around and raised to be prodigies and meanwhile here you are, sixteen, and having a panic attack because you can't go back in time and force your eight-year-old self to keep playing the violin. It's stressful. It aches. Instead of bringing up younger people around us, we're stuck in this miserable zone where we constantly get compared and pitted against each other because we couldn't "maximize our childhood".

Isn't it enough to just... exist?

There have already been many conversations on the nature of college. How it's utter BS that people have to choose what career they want for the rest of their lives as early as junior year in HS. But what a lot of people don't talk about is just how early people are forced to decide what hobbies they want to do for the rest of their lives. People who start learning how to play an instrument at 28 can't do so without constantly being questioned why they started so late. A drawing with decent coloring garners more credit and attention for the average tween than the struggling middle-aged woman, despite both having an equal amount of experience with visual arts.

Parents constantly tell their children to study harder, to practice more--to just keep on work, work, working until their children become the perfect model dolls they use flex to one another over brunch. It's constantly having your name be followed up by your latest achievement and not anything about who you are as a person.

"This is Codi. She is a straight-A student and got invited to compete at Harvard."

"This is Codi. She is on her school's math team and knows how to play the piano."

"This is Codi. She is--"

I am a human being, thank you.

It's never "This is Codi, and he loves fashion and losing at video games." or "This is Codi, and he likes listening to annoying pop songs from the early 2010s and laying down in the rain."

Why? because none of that matters! None of that is worth listening to because anything less than what I can do to represent my family, my school, my team, my country will never be anything more than a waste of time. It's toxic, how today's generation of teenagers have to be celebrities or important figures or champions or prodigies before they are people.

It gets worse, though.

People start counting your talents like tally marks for points. You can't "just be an artist" anymore. If you draw, then you also have to be good at writing. And poetry. And graphic design. And a sport. Oh, you only know one language? Oh, you've only learned the basics of the guitar? It's like a fucking marker, ticking off boxes to determine the worth of these teenagers on the marketability of their achievements.

And, okay, it's a misrepresentation to only blame parents, right? Because it's a systematic thing. A new societal expectation for kids to be the next fucking Renaissance--with peer pressure for things like relationship experience and wild stories too. We kids now worry about not being special enough, not phenomenal enough, or beautiful enough, or talented enough, or smart enough, or experienced enough. And it's weird!

It's weird how teens now flex how tired and burnt out they are! It's weird how I've had conversations that turned into competitions of how many bullshit responsibilities we have on our plate. It's weird how I've met kids on the honor roll that are so adamant to prove to people that they've gone to parties, had alcohol, and slept around.

It's a goddamn tragedy, watching so many of my peers turning into burnouts before they've even graduated high school.

We are expected to be the most. If that one singer could do it, if that one global warming activist could do it, if that one Olympic athlete could do it--then why can't you? Why can't you have over 20.7k followers on Twitter? Why can't you have started your own band and release a popular album? Why can't you have published your own book by now? Why can't you be good enough?

I sit here, typing away at this stupid post and being unhappy and feeling like I am not good enough. I am an artist. I am a writer. I speak more than one language and play more than one instrument. I used to be a straight-A student and nationally competed in maths and sciences competitions. I am an international finalist for my sport and have multiple gold medals from foreign countries.

Yet still, I feel like my timer is running short.

#codi.txt #idk im just. ranting i guess lol #vent #tw vent #long post #tw long post #listen to codi ramble about stuff literally no one but he cares about !!#sorry im just. in my feelings rn

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siswritesyanderes · 3 years ago

Note

If it had been Jasper-Sadie or Alice-Sadie as the vampires and finding their third later, how if at all would any of the “prior” story (the Twilght saga proper) have changed?

This turns the timeline inside out, but Meyer was never great at those anyway.

(Hi, if you're from the Twilight fandom stumbling across this post without context, Sadie is my OC in a yandere Alice/yandere Jasper/OC fic that you can read here.)

Ohhh, so much potential there! I can't answer that in full, because doing so would spoil what Sadie's potential vampire ability is. (Super sorry about that. Feel free to ask again after that information has come up in Rule One!)

I can say that both Bella and Edward would take to confiding in her and seeking her counsel with regards to their relationship. Especially if it's a Sadie-Alice duo; Edward would be super close with both Sadie and Alice (like he's close with Alice in canon), and while he sometimes gets frustrated with Alice, he pretty much always respects Sadie. It's like, Alice would be Bella's best friend and Edward's partner in crime (since she's still the one who would agree to kidnap Bella, whereas Sadie would never), and Sadie would be Bella's confidante and Edward's moral compass. Both Bella and Edward would go to Sadie for advice about each other, and Sadie, though startled by their neediness, would always have something valuable to say.

(Picture Bella or Edward bursting into Sadie's room with a question, and Sadie, wide-eyed, putting down whatever she's doing and saying, "Alrighty then, have a seat.)

Edward trusts that Sadie wouldn't lie to him, so the urgency in having Bella run to him in Italy before he sparkles in front of people (lest he read Alice's thoughts and assume she's lying to him) wouldn't be a thing; Sadie just runs Bella to Edward with vampire speed and is subjected to that whole reunion as an awkward third wheel while Alice parks the stolen car.

Also, Sadie would tip every fight slightly more in favor of the Cullens, but she would also have a habit of really wanting to talk to the enemies instead of attacking them. This is good/useful with the Volturi but not so good/useful with Victoria and Riley.

Oh! Also, Sadie would realize that Victoria will probably follow Edward's scent, in Eclipse, and Sadie would accompany him and Bella in sitting the battle out, so that they have more backup against Victoria. Jasper and Alice wouldn't be privy to the fact that Victoria is coming; this is just a realization that Sadie has that Edward hears in her mind. (As far as Jasper and Alice are concerned, Sadie is sitting the battle out just to be safe, and they're happy that she won't be in harm's way.) This is where Sadie's need to talk to enemies would become a problem, because both Victoria and Riley are too far gone to listen to reason, but Sadie really believes in them and wants to convince them they don't have to die today. It still turns out fine, though. Sadie gets a little hurt, but she's fine. Alice and Jasper would be absolutely smothering, after. Victoria is lucky she's already dead, because they would make her suffer.

And Sadie would think to explain things to Irina before Alice realizes that Irina is going to the Volturi, so that whole misunderstanding never happens.

All of that being said, the thought of "Yandere Alice meets Sadie first" and "Yandere Jasper meets Sadie first" got really interesting to me. So I have to talk about those scenarios immediately.

I'm going to place Sadie sometime in the twentieth century in both cases, and I'm going to try to let the time period matter as little as possible, but feel free to imagine them in 50s or 60s attire, lol. (Or 70s or 80s; again, it doesn't matter that much; I'm just placing her in the twentieth century to keep the rough order of events the same, kind of.) I'm approaching this with the assumption that Alice and Jasper still become vampires in the same way/at the same time as they do in canon; they just meet at different times. I'm not dealing with the Confederate thing here, though, because I'll be dealing with it in Rule One.

I'm gonna go ahead and put it all under the cut. (And if your experience of Rule One is more invested in the potential for wholesome romance than the yandere aspect, maybe the rest of this isn't for you, because this is definitely more yandere-leaning, lol.)

Alice-Sadie

Alice knows three things: 1. Her own name. 2. That she is going to join the Cullens. 3. That Sadie, whom she has not yet met, is her soulmate.

Though she slips up every now and then, Alice does her best not to eat humans. She wants to fit in with the Cullens by the time she finds them, so she's accustoming herself to the animal diet. Anyway, she has a mate out there whom she will meet as a human, and she has to get herself under control before she can risk being around her.

The thing is, Alice knows about Sadie before Sadie is actually an option, so she has to kill time so that she doesn't meet Sadie too early. And Alice hates waiting, so she goes ahead and introduces herself to the Cullens before Sadie. She tells them all about how she'll have a soulmate soon, and how it's killing her to keep her distance but she knows things will be way better if she never meets Sadie as a child. She decorates her room with things that Sadie likes, anticipating that one day she'll be sharing the room with Sadie. Honestly, if it weren't for Edward's mind reading, the rest of the Cullens might think Sadie was an imaginary friend or something.

(Rosalie would normally take issue with Alice's plans to intrude on the life of a human she's never met just because of a potential future where they're in love, but she doesn't really take Alice's fantasizing seriously until it's too late.)

One day, Alice just sort of disappears from the Cullen house, and only Edward knows where she's gone.

Sadie is finally at the right age; it's time.

Alice appears in Sadie's life, and everything she says and does is perfect. She rockets from stranger to friend to best friend at an impressive rate, her precognition easily compensating for Sadie's hesitancy (and Sadie would start off more wary than she is in Rule One, due to the time period). Having left the rest of the Cullens, for the time being, there is nothing (read: no one) holding Alice back from being absolutely surgical about making herself important in Sadie's life and subtly isolating her. She gives expensive gifts, and comprehensive compliments, and she always knows what to say to make Sadie like and trust her more.

When Sadie starts to become suspicious about the evolution of their friendship, Alice drops the vampire bomb and the soulmate bomb all at once, showing Sadie her speed and strength and sparkles. There was no better way to do it. Alice checked; this was the absolute best set of circumstances for the reveal.

Sadie asks for time to process the information. She asks for space. Alice graciously allows it; she's practically living with Sadie at this point, anyway. (Not that Sadie knows it. But yeah, she's in Sadie's house pretty much 24/7 (minus her hunting trips), dodging notice with stealth and psychic powers.)

When Sadie is ready to talk again, Alice pours out every reassurance: how she will never stop loving her; how she would never hurt her; how she thinks about her all the time and loves her so much. Sadie isn't fully won over by the whole vampire lover concept, but Alice does convince her to come meet her family.

They go to the Cullen house. Alice shows her off to everyone, and Rosalie is stunned, and Emmett laughs incredulously. Edward and Carlisle make polite introductions, and Esme hugs her, just glad to see Alice so happy. (Esme has been so worried about her newest daughter, so flighty and constantly pining for someone who wasn't there. And then she disappeared, and anything could have happened to her! But now she's back, and she's brought someone lovely, and she looks happier than Esme has ever seen her.) Carlisle and Edward give Sadie a more in-depth explanation of how vampires operate and why the bond between mates is a big deal. Esme cooks her a huge meal. Before they know it, nighttime has come, and Sadie falls asleep in Alice's room.

She wasn't drugged or anything; Alice just perfectly orchestrated a set of circumstances in which she would be tired by this exact time.

When she wakes up, Alice is an utter angel, offering her breakfast and a bath and telling her that there's more to see, around the house. She hasn't seen Rosalie's garage, yet! She hasn't seen Esme's garden. And soon enough she's sleeping over again.

On that third day at the house, Rosalie pulls Sadie aside to say that she'll drive Sadie home, if Sadie needs her to. But Alice has done her job well; Sadie likes Alice, and she likes the Cullens, and most of all, she's so curious about vampires and the world thereof. She's willing to stay and learn, provided she can visit her friends and family, and provided Alice doesn't try to change her. She fills several journals with what she learns about vampires, all in the span of a single year. She learns so much, and she's never satisfied that she's learned enough.

When Alice asks her to let Carlisle change her, she chooses exactly the right conversation, exactly the right approach, and exactly the right time. Sadie agrees and becomes a vampire. (She kind of has to, for this prompt, lol.) Rosalie is annoyed, but she knows that Sadie thought the matter over thoroughly.

When the day comes that Alice sees Jasper in their future, she drags Sadie off to meet him, barely explaining herself beyond "We have another mate!". Sadie goes along with it because she's used to Alice's antics.

They meet this crimson-eyed, roguishly handsome vampire, and Jasper is pretty instantly enthralled with them both. He's curious about their golden eyes, charmed by Alice's forwardness, and amused by Sadie's mix of intrigue and wariness. The emotional flavor of Alice's joy and cheerfulness, and of Sadie's curiosity and uncertainty, are enough to pretty much have him wrapped around their fingers right away.

Sadie's reaction is more "Ohhhh, Alice, this guy eats people..."

Alice just goes, "It's okay. Jasper will be willing to change his diet if we ask him to. Won't you, Jasper?"

And it's so presumptuous, but also he's into it, because Sadie has already made it clear that eating humans is a deal-breaker for her, and he doesn't want this meeting to end.

He joins the family, and it feels like the best thing ever; he has two amazing soulmates, and he belongs to a large coven that will always be safe from strangers. The animal-eating thing is a downside, but there's no help for that.

The dynamic for the next little while is that Alice is already in love with both Jasper and Sadie, Jasper is already in love with Alice and Sadie, and Sadie is in love with Alice and polite to Jasper but isn't quite sure about him. Like, she's in a peculiar place of "We are soulmates, and I do like you and feel an attraction to you, and I understand how our personalities are good together, but I don't know how long it'll take me to become comfortable with your past", and Jasper is just falling over himself to earn her approval, but she's comfortable with allowing it to take time.

(Rosalie is secretly very entertained by the whole thing, and Emmett is not-so-secretly entertained.)

Unlike in canon, Jasper would never suggest eating any human ever again; even once Sadie is comfortable with him, he never wants to risk making her doubt him the way she did in the beginning.

Jasper-Sadie

So at this point in his life, Jasper is eating people. His eyes are bright red, and he is ruthless, and Alice isn't around to temper that side of him.

This is absolutely a kidnapping situation.

When he runs into Sadie (entirely by happenstance), he doesn't know immediately that he is in love with her; he just knows that he wants to follow her, so he does. He stalks after her like he has stalked lots of prey in the past. Her blood doesn't sing to him, though; after several hours of just tailing her, he realizes that he just likes to hear her breathe and speak and laugh. He likes to look at her. He likes to taste her emotions on the air. He likes this human.

Then he realizes that he's in love with her, as much as Peter is in love with Charlotte.

He never wants to stop looking at her, listening to her talk...

He manages to get her alone, and he introduces himself in a charismatic, gentlemanly fashion. He kisses the back of her hand (managing to ignore the feel and sound of her pulse so close; he shouldn't take a risk like that again) and says, "Good afternoon, ma'am. My name is Jasper Whitlock. May I ask what your name is?"

She notices the coldness of his skin and the redness of his eyes (and again, time-period-wise, this interaction is very weird), but he is sending her the most powerful waves of comfort and calm that he can. She is dazed and perplexed, but not afraid, as she answers, "I'm Sadie Gilder."

It's the most beautiful name he has ever heard.

He abducts her pretty much then and there; he leads her away with a request that she accompany him and a heavy layer of mood control. Sadie is able to break out of the daze (through sheer overthinking) after they've walked together awhile; by the time she asks, "Wait, where are we?", they've reached the secluded mansion of an old widow.

(Jasper doesn't need a place to sleep, but his Sadie does, so he quickly identified this place as the best option.)

The order in which Jasper eats the occupants of the house and brings Sadie inside the house is up to your imagination, as is whether or not Sadie ends up seeing any bodies or seeing him with blood on his face and clothes. Either way, just the kidnapping itself is enough to have Sadie panicking, and he hates to feel her fear.

He holds her, gives her calming energy, and whispers to her. "Don't be scared. I won't hurt you, Perfect Sadie. I won't eat you. You're too special. Just gonna keep you right here." (He's just eaten a lot of people, so he's okay with breathing right next to her, so that he can keep whispering to her.) She falls asleep in his arms. He doesn't stop holding her, and he doesn't stop whispering. (Also, remember how the first thing he says to Sadie in Rule One is that she's warm and soft? Yeah, he still says that, pretty much verbatim, in this scenario. I'm not putting it in quotes, because it sounds dirty in a kidnapping context, but he for sure says it.)

The next day, since he's keeping up the comforting vibes to keep her from being afraid, Sadie asks Jasper a lot of questions. He tells her everything he knows about vampires. He isn't fully versed in vampire mating, so he isn't able to really inform her that his obsession with her is, to some degree, an inherent vampire trait, but he is very good at conveying to her that he is obsessed.

With no one to tell him to cool it with his power, and with his diet of human blood making his power more potent than it would be on animal blood, Jasper uses it at pretty much full capacity every time, instead of subtle shifts in emotion. So, while Sadie does notice that it's happening, she can't keep herself from the effects of his power by self-awareness alone.

He generally doses her with the same kind of peaceful calm he uses when he meets strange vampires for the first time, instead of the lethargic calm he uses to keep prey docile. He uses the latter when he wants her to sleep, but for the most part he just wants her to be unfearful and communicative.

She eats the food that's in the house. When he's able to convince himself to leave her unattended (usually after he's put her to sleep), he picks up more groceries and abducts some humans for himself. He keeps them in the cellar, far enough away from Sadie that she needn't know they're there but close enough that he can still hear her when he goes down to eat them. It's actually very convenient, not to have to hunt often; he just has to pop down to the cellar and enjoy a few of the already-injured occupants. Having a steady home has its upside. It's a shame someone will eventually notice the widow missing and he'll have to move with Sadie. But there will always be another empty mansion, or a mansion that can be easily made empty.

(When it's time to change homes, Jasper carries Sadie to the new destination while she's sleeping.)

Partially due to the mood control and partially due to the upfront-ness of everything, there's honestly very little tension between them. There's fear, sometimes (The one time Sadie tries to leave the mansion while Jasper is eating, he runs up from the cellar to stop her, and he's still covered in blood, and she's terrified, and it takes him a lot of soothing to get her calm again. It upsets him when she's scared.), but no tension. Sadie would like to leave, but she gathers that she can't, so all there is to do is maneuver within the new situation and learn more about her captor.

And neither of them is inherently a romantic. Jasper loves her, but even he isn't under the impression that they're dating or something. As far as he's concerned, he's keeping her; as far as she's concerned, she's studying him. Jasper is ecstatic with the arrangement, and Sadie is as comfortable as the situation allows.

Peter and Charlotte follow Jasper's scent at some point, wanting to hang out, and Jasper socializes with them outside the mansion, explaining that they can't go in because there's a human inside whom he is invested in keeping alive, and he can't risk them eating her. When they learn that he's in love, they ask if he plans on changing her, but he says that he can't yet. His control isn't good enough.

One day, Alice shows up.

She meets Jasper while he's in town, gathering food for Sadie and himself. They still have the little "You kept me waiting" "My apologies" flirtation, but he's a little more guarded, because he has to get back to Sadie, and as much as he is already beguiled by this weird-eyed stranger, he doesn't want her following him home. She's a vampire, and no vampires are allowed near his Sadie.

Alice really wants to skip the wooing; she's already seen herself with Jasper and Sadie. But she knows that mentioning Sadie too soon could make Jasper defensive, so she has to sprinkle herself slowly into Jasper's life, meeting him when he comes to town and letting his instinctive attraction and fondness for her grow into trust over a span of months (even moving towns when he does). She doesn't say anything about him switching to an animal diet, either; she tells him that she eats animals, but trying to influence him at this stage could alter her chances of seeing Sadie. Better to just let him murder.

Once they're at the right place, trust-wise, she tells him that she is already as in love with Sadie as she is with him, due to her psychic visions, and she asks to meet her. At first, Jasper isn't ready, but after she's asked a few more times, he allows it.

Alice has to be extra careful, because she wants to just run and hug Sadie as soon as she sees her, but if she makes a sudden move, Jasper will react badly. (Especially since the speed that comes with her small frame makes her a genuine threat to Sadie, even with Jasper there.) Not to mention, she has to endear herself to Sadie, whose only experience with vampires has been abduction.

"Sadie Lily Gilder," Alice says, barely restraining her excitement. "I am Alice Cullen. I'm your other soulmate."

Sadie is mostly perplexed and a little exasperated, but Jasper feels suddenly as if the sun has broken through the clouds. (Which means a lot, since he was already happy before.) Alice's joy at finally getting to see Sadie seems to fill the room, and this is his first time hearing Sadie's middle name, and...

"I like seeing you together," he realizes.

For the next few months, Alice is allowed to visit Sadie every now and then, under full supervision from Jasper. He can feel that she loves Sadie as much as he does, but he's still got to be careful. Humans are so fragile, and he's used to only trusting himself. When she comes, Alice brings Sadie little gifts that she never thought to ask Jasper before. She brings a new spritely energy to the house that Sadie comes to enjoy.

The following few months, (and after Jasper has watched her hunt animals) she's allowed to stay over full-time. They watch Sadie sleep, together. She's able to answer more of Sadie's questions.

Alice introduces Jasper to the idea of joining a family she's seen in their future. He doesn't want that many vampires around their Sadie, but as always, Alice says just the right things: they're all animal eaters; she hasn't seen a single future where any of them hurt Sadie; and the eldest of them could change Sadie for them.

(She also has to convince Sadie to want to become immortal with them, since she knows that Carlisle and Edward would be against turning her against her will. It helps that Sadie has been captured by a vampire for a while, now, and being a vampire herself would give her a chance of exerting some control over her future.)

When they meet the Cullens, Alice acts like they're already best friends. Jasper is more formal in asking the patriarch if he can change Sadie for them.

Edward calls them out on kidnapping Sadie, but Sadie points out that, unless things come to blows between the Cullens and Alice and Jasper, the only way for her to no longer be kidnapped is by becoming a vampire.

So Carlisle changes her, and she stays with the Cullens so that she can have someone to help her overcome her thirst during her newborn years without slipping up and hurting someone. Alice and Jasper stay with the Cullens, too (and the Cullens tell Jasper that he has to switch to the animal diet if he wants to stay). Eventually, all three of them are close enough to various members of the Cullen family that they just sort of become part of it.

Having been kidnapped at the start of all this, though, Sadie exerts her autonomy in pretty much every way. In her newborn years, in which she is more temperamental (though that isn't saying much; she's still pretty mellow by newborn vampire standards), she confronts Jasper for what he did, and he pretty much just takes it; things have worked out pretty great for him, so it's only fair to let her get it off her chest. Sadie can feel the bond between her and Alice and Jasper, but she can also feel that he didn't have to do what he did. She goes to visit her human family, once she knows that she won't eat them; she and Rosalie go on lengthy road trips; she and Emmett go to football games; she goes volunteering and home renovating with Esme; she learns languages and musical instruments from Edward; she learns vampire history from Carlisle and even joins him on a trip to Volterra.

She lets Alice buy her clothes but overall gives Jasper a wide berth.

Alice, having gained full trust from Jasper, is able to convince him to allow Sadie her space for a while, as she comes to terms with everything that happened. Jasper agrees, since Sadie isn't so fragile anymore and he knows that Alice is keeping an eye on her. So long as they know where Sadie is at all times, and so long as she is accompanied by at least one of the Cullens, he can bear to spend uninterrupted one-on-one time with his newest mate, especially if doing so will help Sadie to forgive him.

The diet of animal blood makes him less wild (but more tense, as he can feel that he is weaker), and the newness of everything in Sadie's life raises her spirits. Maybe eventually she'll be willing to hang out with him again, but it'll take a few years.

#rule one sadie #sadie lily gilder #yandere jasper hale #yandere alice cullen #male yandere #female yandere #yandere twilight #yandere poly #kidnapping #obsession #possessive #yandere/oc #black oc

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hufflautia · 4 years ago

Text

Different Love Languages

✨COMMENTS+REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED✨ They motivate me and make me supes happy, so please pretty please reblog and/or comment!! It doesnt even have to be a coherent comment, keysmash if you must! ok fanks go read now and enjoy <3

Summary: Hufflepuff is the type of person to express her love verbally but Slytherin is different; he hardly says “I love you” and Hufflepuff worries that maybe it’s because he doesn’t love her as much as she loves him. Our darling puff will realize that this is simply not the case. People just have different love languages.

Hufflepuff loved Slytherin. She really did. In fact, she reminded him frequently.

“I love you,” she chortled during breakfast when Slytherin had cast a spell to make the bacon strips float around in a dancing manner so that she would cheer up after reading depressing news from the Daily Prophet. Another time, she cooed the term of endearment as he held her tightly in his arms, swaying to the sound of music in the background.

The thing was that Slytherin rarely said “I love you” in the entirety of their relationship. Instead of saying it back to her, he often replied by cupping her cheeks tenderly and leaning in for another kiss. Other times, he responded with a loving smile, his eyes glowing with warmth and infatuation.

It’s not that Hufflepuff thought Slytherin didn’t love her. She could definitely see it in the way that he looked at her, in those stolen glances when he thought she wasn’t looking. She could feel it when he held her close at night, his arms wrapped protectively around her.

However, a part of her- the small shadow of doubt within her heart that told her that Slytherin didn’t care for her as much as she did for him- just wished for some kind of affirmation, a clear signal that said, “I love you.”

One day, Hufflepuff and Slytherin sat side by side in Potions class, listening to Professor Slughorn drone on and on about Felix Felicis. She was absentmindedly staring at the board when Slytherin slid his notes in front of her so that she could see the doodle he drew on the side of his paper.

*Credit: Beastflaps*

Hufflepuff bit her lip to suppress a laugh and squeezed his hand 3 times.

Unfamiliar with the motion, Slytherin asked what the squeezes meant.

“It means I love you,” she whispered. Her voice was soft so that Professor Slughorn didn’t overhear their conversation.

Nevertheless, Slytherin heard every word. A smile tugged at his lips and he immediately squeezed it back. He didn’t just stop there; he repeated the gesture about 6 times- and Potions class hadn’t even ended yet.

From that day forward, Slytherin constantly told her I love you. Sometimes he squeezed her hand randomly- before he left for Quidditch practice, during breakfast when she passed him a plate of toast, and after he walked her back to the dormitory.

Aside from that, he would occasionally tap out the gesture with his finger.

Tap tap tap.

Hufflepuff looked up from her book and made eye contact with Slytherin from across the room. She knew what it meant. She always did.

Slytherin said I love you all the time now, more often than Hufflepuff’s verbal “I love you”.

She realized that he had a different love language from her, and that was ok. It was the love itself that mattered.

On their wedding day, as the officiant performed the ceremony, Hufflepuff looked up at Slytherin with adoration. “I love you,” she whispered.

He smiled warmly at her and squeezed her hand four times.

I love you too.

Based on a true story! If you can’t see the link that I attached, here it is:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/ahb1c1/sometimes_i_forget_my_husband_has_a_different/

MASTERLIST ~(˘▾˘~) (click my profile to see the pinned post, aka my masterlist, if you cant see the link)

Author’s note: YAYAY HI!!! DID YOU LIKE THAT??

probably yall @ me rn lmaoaoao

You might be wondering why i wrote this one-shot. There was no special occasion this time, I just got a bonk of inspiration one day. also i felt bad for reblogging my ice skating oneshot so much (i did it to respond to other peoples reblogs) and i sent an ask to my favorite fanfic writer, asking her about what happens if i reblog my own work and if it pushes my fanfic up the algorithm, and she answered my question but also said that she usually deletes her reblogs bc her followers would probably get annoyed if they kept seeing the same work over and over again. i felt bad bc i had just done that, and i didnt want yall to constantly see the same fanfic all the time, so i wanted to give u something new. also i was thinking back on that person who said that my writing was sporadic (they werent trying to be mean). Sporadic basically means spaced out and occuring at different intervals. i felt bad bc my writing is definitely spread out by one month for some reason. im not sure what this means for next month bc i never write 2 fanfics in one month. does this mean that i wont write a fanfic for november? hopefully not. ok that sounds sad, im sure it doesnt but who knows bc the college process thingies is killing me

I wrote out the general details of the story at 1 am one night when i was trying to sleep lmaoao heres a screenshot:

This is basically how I write for most of my fanfics at first, it consists of the general info along with some specific details.

At first, the one-shot was gonna be a drabble (aka a story that’s only 100 words long) but when I finished writing it, I went to wordcounter to check the number of words and it was 500! i was like oop ok im just gonna call it a oneshot then. i wrote part of the story on sunday morning and then i went to exercise in the park with my sister. afterwards, i wanted to keep working on it but then i became swamped with college stuff so i stopped. i started writing again today (its monday, but im posting it on tuesday, aka today for you- or maybe not if ur not reading this on the day that i posted it) and i surprisingly finished- but that was probably a bad idea to be writing the oneshot during this week because i have a lot of exams, but lets look at the bright side, i finished the story!

I didn’t think of the idea completely on my own. I actually read the reddit story (found it in a thread on insta) a few years ago, and I don’t know why but I was thinking about it that night and I decided to make a one-shot out of it! Isn’t it such a sweet story (the actual story, not this)?? It would be kinda nice if I reached out to the person and said, hey i wrote a story based on you and ur husband!

Anyways, I just made a meme:

i didnt actually get up, i just opened the notes app on my phone in the dark and wrote the details down.

this isn’t related but i made a meme about the ice skating oneshot:

I’m gonna cut the authors note short (i usually write a lot. its funny when u go back and see my authors note in chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series, bc its so so short. wowza, times have rlly changed!) bc i think i have at least 2 exams tomorrow. this is gonna be me when i post this one-shot in the morning:

bc i have to wake up early and i am most definitely not a morning person:/ OH GOD OK I HAVE TO STUDY NOW-

Love you all, thank you for reading! TOODELOOOOOOO

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!

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archerdaryl · 4 years ago

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London in Your Eyes.

After pulling your name for Secret Santa, Daryl comes and finds you at the Christmas fair. Inspired by Last December by Nina Nesbitt.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader Tags: cute christmas vibes, sfw, a lil sad a lil fluffy a lil slow burn?? Word Count: around 3k Notes: This is my very first fanfiction I’ve written in literal years -- I’d love to hear what you guys think as I’m a little nervous but I hope you enjoy it!!

Against the soft blankets of snow that had long settled since the beginning of December, flashes of red and green could be seen wherever you looked from the guard tower. Amongst them were shadows you recognised, the figures of the people weaving themselves in and out of various stalls that had been set up for the Christmas fair.

You wanted to object to it the first time The King brought it up, especially after the events that occurred at the original. It seemed futile, you weren’t sure you could take another massacre, and it was too God damn cold to be lingering outside. And yet, you folded.

You couldn’t argue with hope. And if Ezekial was good at anything, it was inspiring just that.

Snowflakes had begun to dance in the evening air once more as you diverted your attention back towards the forest that surrounded the walls. You could hear Luke sing what sounded like a song you used to know but couldn’t quite make out as he made his way to his stall where he had wooden instruments up for trade. Down the same lane were various baked goods and crafts made by different members of the community. The kids even had their own art stall, endearingly decorated with looped paper covered in paint and cotton wool shaped into snowmen.

Ezekiel had asked if you wanted to contribute anything. You declined, not because you didn’t want to help but because playing pretend had never been something you were good at -- even as a kid yourself. And especially at Christmas time.

Of course, you played it off a lot more casually than that. You weren’t one to divulge the details of traumas that no longer mattered in the grand scheme of things. After making fun of your lack of artistic talent you insisted on keeping watch for the majority of the evening so that everyone else could enjoy what the fair had to offer. You knew where you stood in that tower. You couldn’t feel the tip of your nose and you had to keep bouncing your knees to maintain circulation, but you felt secure.

You brought your gloved hands up to your mouth and huffed, allowing the warmth to wash over your fingers. You had been up there for several hours now and the most exciting thing to happened was a walker in a hard hat causing a scene by clanging its head against the metal walls. Someone else manning the perimeter had dealt with it, taking what little entertainment you could have had away from you, but at least no one had to worry about an oncoming herd.

“Hey.”

You turned swiftly towards a voice drenched in a Southern drawl, eyebrows raised in surprise knitting themselves together.

“You need to stop doing that.”

“Doin’ wha’?”

“Sneaking up on me.”

Daryl Dixon was one of few people who got the jump on you and it was equal parts annoying and endearing. You stood upright from the post you had been leaning on and took a couple of steps towards him, eyes adjusting to his height as you did so.

“Didn’ mean to.” He confessed, “Thought you might be bored.”

“Maybe a little.” You sighed, “I’m mostly just cold.”

He watched you carefully, one hand fiddling with something in his jacket pocket while the other swung at his side holding a large flask. Your cheeks and nose were pink and he found himself indebted to the harsh winds that were to blame.

“Is that-”

“Mulled wine.” He interrupted, “Whatever tha’ is.”

The pair of you had been dancing around something unspoken for the past year, aware but unwilling to cross a line that could ruin the comfort you found in each other. That and you had both seen what happened to people who got attached to others. It was uncharted territory neither of you had ventured into with anyone for a long long time, and though he often daydreamed of you like a teenager and you were constantly worrying about him, the risk seemed too much.

“You’ve never had mulled wine?” You asked curiously, taking the flask he handed to you and shivering slightly as you wrapped your palms around it, “It’s really good actually. And hot.”

The question may as well have been rhetorical. The pair of you hadn’t shared a great deal about your lives before the dead took over, but he had told you enough that you knew Daryl was raised on beer and moonshine. You cared for neither, admittedly. Gin had always been your vice.

“Besides, I thought you liked to drink alone Dixon.”

He exhaled in amusement but didn’t offer a retort. Instead he stepped towards the cabinet at the back of the watch tower and retrieved a large blanket. Your mouth practically dropped to the floor and he fought a smile from creeping onto his lips.

You hadn’t even thought to check. Your cheeks grew even pinker.

“C’mon. Ain’t’ nothin’ happenin’ in the next ten minutes.”

With furrowed brows you looked back out onto the forest, studying its movement and mystery. Chances are, he was right. Nothing had happened so far and nothing likely would, but that didn’t stop you from worrying.

“Don’ make me take back tha’ wine.”

“No! Don’t you dare.” You whipped your head back towards him and narrowed your eyes. “It’s warm.”

“So’s this blanket. Come on.”

You made a point of rolling your eyes as you followed Daryl out onto the deck. Before you could complain about the cold (which honestly wasn’t that much worse than inside the tower) Daryl had shook out the blanket and wrapped it around your shoulders. You mumbled a thank you as he lowered himself to the ground and allowed his legs to swing free over the edge of the deck. You followed suit, the flask of hot mulled wine still between your hands acting like your own personal furnace.

It was darker now and hundreds of lights had been switched on so that people could still find their way around the fair. Even you couldn’t deny the wonder and whimsy of it all. Kids were throwing snowballs, families were laughing and making memories that were worth something. There was makeshift tinsel and decorations all over the place and the rich scent of pig and apple sauce hung in the air. In the sweet silence you shared with the archer, there was a moment you forgot where you were. The world you now lived in was an afterthought, and the Christmas fair was an almost perfect picture of somewhere you yearned to be.

Daryl noticed the unmistakable twinkle of mourning in your eyes before you could even try to force a smile. He reached for the flask and took it from you, unscrewing its lid and pouring you a cup of mulled wine. He took a swig straight from the bottle and though he furrowed his brows and smelled the contents immediately afterwards, he didn’t complain.

“Ain’t ever seen nothin’ like this.” He offered.

You took a large sip and closed your eyes, savouring every note that swam across your tongue.

“I have. A long time ago.”

“Yeah?”

Your eyes flit open and you looked right at him. In what little light was left you could see his lips were already slightly stained red. You didn’t doubt your own were the same. He watched your mouth as you took another sip.

“My family was close. Always saved up their holidays so we could get a long Christmas together.” You found yourself lowering your gaze as you spoke, soon returning it to the hustle and bustle before you, “Spent a couple years in London. They had markets just like these. Winter Wonderland I think they called it. Never thought I’d see anything like it again.”

It was abundantly clear from the very beginning that the pair of you had led very different lives before the world went to waste. He liked talking about his past even less than you did and for very different reasons too. You never pushed like some of the other’s did. In the end that was likely what pushed you both together.

“It’s funny how shit like that sneaks up on you.” You continued, “Every time I think I’ve moved on or let something go it just… I don’t know. None of this should even matter anymore.”

“You got a past worth rememberin’.” You felt a large hand tug at the blanket hanging around you, pulling it to make sure it didn’t fall, “Ain’t no shame in that.”

In truth, Daryl enjoyed listening to you reminisce. It was a rare gift you offered him, one that he would have found annoying from anyone else considering the stark differences in your upbringing. But you spoke about your past like you were telling a story, keeping that little bit of distance so it didn’t wash over you all at once. Whether you knew it or not, you handed him another puzzle piece every time you let him in. He could sit there and listen to you for hours. He wanted to.

A calloused hand found its way into his jacket once again, fiddling with a small object wrapped in aluminium foil. Now didn’t seem appropriate. They still had time.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“Nah.” His cheeks said otherwise, “Wines doing the trick.”

You pulled your legs up and shimmied a little closer to him to him anyways before forcing your arm through his. He didn’t object, not even when you leaned on him a little.

“What other shit did they have in London?” He pushed.

“Mulled cider. That’s probably more up your street” You took your last sip before nudging him to top the cup up, “I used to love these little pancake balls covered in Nutella, strawberries, and icing sugar. Wasn’t Winter Wonderland unless I was covered in chocolate by the end of it.”

Daryl slowly lowered the side of his head down onto yours. It didn’t feel like too much, like you’d suddenly catch yourself and make excuses to go back on watch. Instead, you kept talking, and Daryl kept fiddling with the gift in his pocket.

“I remember it being loud. Music and people everywhere. And it was cold, but never as cold as this. Didn’t really snow there, which I always thought was weird.”

“If you wan’ loud I heard Luke and Jerry were gon’ go carollin’ later.”

A chuckle escaped you as you took another gulp of wine, “You know what, I think I’ll stay up here.”

Comfortable silence took over as you both watched the fair. It had barely quietened down, even though a lot of people had begun their ride back to Hilltop or Alexandria. It was the first time in a long time that there wasn’t a human threat to worry about, so why wouldn’t people make the most of a time like this? You only wished you could let go like others could.

“Oh, shit.” You sat up suddenly, “I forgot about that Secret Santa thing Jerry made us do.”

“Who’s name d’ya pull?”

“It’s supposed to be Secret Santa.” You paused and sighed, “I pulled Jesus. Is this irony? It feels ironic. I’ll figure it out.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Daryl’s lips as he leaned forward onto the wooden barrier keeping them from falling if either of them were to take a wrong step. He felt something gnawing at him in the pit of his stomach, and he swallowed hard in a futile attempt to get rid of it before clearing his throat.

“Who’s name did you pull?”

“Like ya’ said, it’s Secret Santa.” He grumbled.

You rotated yourself slightly to face him, allowing just one leg to hang free from the deck whilst the other was bent at the knee.

“Don’t be an asshole, Dixon.” You pleaded, “Tell me!”

“Mind ya’ business.”

“Unless it’s me I don’t see why you can’t tell me.”

Daryl stayed quiet and you couldn’t help but laugh in both amusement and disbelief.

“You’re kidding. Did you really get me something?”

“Will you shut up? You ain’t even s’posed t’ know.”

He finally turned his head to find you unable to suppress the grin spreading across your face. Your eyes were twinkling again, but not with the sadness of earlier. That paired with the blush on your nose and cheeks from the cold and your little hands clinging desperately to the blanket around you made it impossible to say no. That gnawing feeling grew and he took a large breath before retrieving his hand from his pocket.

“Don’ tell Jerry.”

He passed you an strangely shaped object covered in aluminium foil. You took it from him and beamed. You weren’t sure why you were surprised he actually got you something. Maybe it was the fact he thought to wrap it at all, or that he was trying to follow the rules so it really would be a surprise. Would you have ever known it was him if you hadn’t pestered him in this moment? You held the gift in your hands as if it could break at any second whilst your heart was attempting to beat itself out of your chest.

“Do you want me to wait?” You asked, just in case, “I can open it later.”

Daryl shook his head and grabbed the flask again, taking several gulps to warm up his insides. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, studying your features carefully waiting for a sign of repulsion or embarrassment. It never came and without realising it his own features softened.

“It’s yours. Sorry I couldn’ find any paper.”

“It’s shiny and it serves its purpose.” You responded without hesitation, “It’s perfect.”

You carefully unfolded the foil in a futile attempt not to tear it and destroy the fantasy Daryl had created for you. The intricate motions felt painfully slow, and with every layer you tore away the nastier the self-deprecation in his head got. He felt stupid for trying. Was it too much? Was it not enough? He had no fuckin’ idea. Even before the world went to shit he didn’t come from the kind of family that exchanged gifts. He wanted to run, but he couldn’t. All he could do was drink and bite at the skin of his lips until they bled.

“Oh my god.”

He swallowed hard and braced himself for the worst. Your eyebrows were drawn together as you studied the object in all its detail. Eventually you shook it, and you grinned again.

“Where the hell did you find something like this?”

It was a snowglobe, somehow perfectly intact despite the number of years it had been collecting dust in a world full of violence and filth. Daryl had stumbled upon it on a run where he had found a strip of houses to loot. It was sat on a mantelpiece, and though Daryl didn’t know much about England or even London, he knew about Big Ben.

You shook it again and laughed. He watched you gaze at it in wonder, eyeing the details on the clock tower as plastic snow danced around it. Most of his anxieties melted away at the sight of that alone, but he still felt uneasy, as if he had done something wrong.

“I love it, Daryl. I didn’t even realise I’d spoken about London before.”

He nodded, his words stuck in the back of his throat. You had only mentioned London once before, something in passing, but he remembered. He remembered everything you said to him over the years. Maybe that was why this felt so wrong, as if he had taken this -- whatever this is -- too far.

Your heart was still thumping. Daryl had never been a talker, but he’d also never failed to show you that he cared. Even just by doing little things like making sure you ate properly or were sleeping okay. This was a different kind of show and tell and you weren’t sure what to do with it.

Your affection for the archer had snuck up on you a long time ago and you usually found it quite easy to push it down and away. There were other things to concern yourself with, things to do to make sure not just you but your community could survive. But right now you were stuck in a loop. Behind his grouchy disposition was a warmth you desperately wanted to wrap yourself in.

The blanket wasn’t enough. Not right now.

“It’s nothin’.” He finally responded, and this time you were lost for words.

You turned back towards the fair, avoiding his blue gaze as you thought to yourself. Neither of you knew what the hell this was or what the hell you were doing. You had spent so much time ignoring or rejecting the possibility of something more that now it had slapped you both across the face you were dumbfounded.

Was it supposed to be this complicated? This confusing? Or was it actually not at all and you were both just useless at all of this?

Tomorrow things would likely carry on as normal but right now, things were different. Something had shifted and it was entirely possibly you had been forced into the uncharted territory you were both so scared of.

You swallowed hard shimmied closer to him again. Using your free arm, you tried to fling half of the blanket around his broad shoulders. It fell off of him immediately, but he didn’t question it. He picked it up, nudged closer to you, and wrapped it around himself.

A sigh of relief escaped you. Not just because he took the blanket but because he was practically a radiator.

“I knew you were cold.” Your words were soft, almost hesitant despite being teasing.

Daryl looked down at you, his tongue flitting across his bottom lip as he watched you watch the world go by at the Christmas fair. He carefully sought out your hand with his own, and without even thinking about it you allowed your fingers to intertwine with his.

“You’re the one wi’ blue fingers.”

You wanted to roll your eyes, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. Instead, you rested your head on his shoulder again with a smile and allowed whatever excuses he made to comfort him. The fact you didn’t pull away was enough, and though he always knew you wouldn’t be as rough and calloused as he was, he couldn’t quite get over how soft your fingers were.

“Did you want to look around the fair?”

He allowed his thumb to glide across the back of your hand.

“Nah. I like it up here.”

#the walking dead #twd #daryl dixon #daryl dixon oneshot #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon fic #daryl x reader #daryl dixon x reader #twd fanfiction #twd fanfic #the walking dead fanfiction #mine #christmas #walking dead

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heartofsnark · 4 years ago

Text

He’s Not Real, She’s Not Pretending (Johnny Silverhand/OC Female V)

Notes; Sooooooo, I’m posting porn for a game that won’t be out in 20 days, that I just started to seriously look at 2 days ago, but ummmm Johnny Silverhand like fuck man. He’s living rent free in my head both in game and irl. I already have an oc and I really wanted some fuck, so my V is named Aidan, she is a baby and a a slut in this context. This is completely based off oh hey, if we fuck in game, and Johnny in brain, Johnny watch us fuck. And then it spiraled.

Word Count: 4303

Chapter Warnings: Voyeurism, Unprotected Oral Sex, Blowjobs, Cum Swallowing, Protected Vaginal Sex, One Night Stand/Semi Anonymous Sex, Calling out the wrong name, MMF Threesome, but like while he gets laid Johnny is like lowkey cucking this guy but he don’t even know cause he can’t see the man cucking him, its weird, metal fingers on clit, like that’s a thing here, cumming on someone/semi-facial???? And the weirdest thing to explain is like, she’s deaf and takes out her hearing aids, so she’ll only hear johnny since he’s in her head that bypasses hearing damage, so like, disability device being removed for sex????? What is this??? Who knows?????

Edit: I HAD A FUCKIN SENIOR CITIZEN MOMENT AND FORGOT TO MENTION; @enchantedbythebidders IS ALSO TO BLAME BECAUSE SHE HELPED PUT THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD, SO THIS IS NOT ALL MY FAULT!

“Really, this guy?” Johnny scoffs and rolls his eyes, leaning against the bar. Aidan is once again somewhat thankful that no one else can hear the long dead Rockstar that lives in her head.

She pretends she doesn’t hear him either, despite him being the one voice other than her own who she can hear no matter what. The man standing in front of her is attractive, as far as she’s concerned, over 6ft with plenty of muscle and some cybernetics glinting against the side of his shaved head. The alcohol in her system has made it easier to ignore Johnny, but it brings the reason she’s here to the forefront of her mind.

Aidan needs to get laid, plain and simple. She hasn’t had a proper orgasm since Johnny started living rent free in her head. There’s a certain level of embarrassment at just how easily and maybe even unavoidably peeps on her. He pops visibly into the world whenever he feels convienet, for him that is, and seems to make a habit of making sure she knows he’s there when she’s in some state of undress. Johnny’s watched her change without a hint of shame, making comments on her body and laughing at her reactions, like he’s not the weirdo. He’s sat in the bathroom while she showers, talking to her about plans of burning the city down, like she wasn’t fucking naked.

Safe to say, she hasn’t ventured into what would happen if she tried to get off with him around. She doesn’t need him making snide comment while she has a hand in her panties. But, with a hookup, another person and a decent amount of booze. She may just be able to distract and loosen herself up enough that she won’t even notice him, though he has a habit of making himself impossible to ignore. But regardless, the former nomad needs this, she’s constantly tense and finding herself horny at every provocation, her dumb sexually frustrated lizard is even starting to think Johnny’s hot which is not a road she needs to traverse. Talking to the ghost in your brain is one thing, trying to find out if his holographic form comes with a dick is another.

“You do remember I can hear your thoughts, right, Samurai?”

“Is everything okay? You seem distracted?” The guy, who’s name she’s already forgotten, asks. As if she needed more reason to ignore Johnny.

“Oh yeah, sorry, there’s just been something kind of annoying nagging at the back of my mind. But I’m good, you wanna get out of here?”

“Yeah, sounds good, there’s a motel not far from here.”

“What are we waiting for then?”

“Ugh,” Johnny groans and rolls his eyes, evaporating into cyan static as Aidan leaves with her bedmate for the night.

Hands reach up into her bleached bob as the man presses Aidan against the door, his lips against hers, a strangers tongue roaming her mouth. She puts her hand over his, attempting to move it lower, as nice as her hair and face being touched is… This isn’t romance, she wants to be groped, manhandled, to feel him squeeze her ass or shove his hand down her pants. Even at the door before they’ve entered the room, she just wants to get fucked. But he doesn’t get the memo. His hand doesn’t move from cupping the back of her head.

“Didn’t go for brains, did ya?” Johnny’s voice taunts and Aidan bites down harder on the stranger’s buttom lip than needed, her annoyance for Johnny seeping through her actions.

Normally, when someone annoys the everloving fuck out of her, as Johnny is so prone too. She’d remove her hearing aids, submit herself to silence until they get bored and fuck off. But, Johnny’s in her fucking head, his voice echoing through her mind as clearly as her own thoughts, the only noise in this world she can’t shut off.

Aidan reaches behind her, opening the motel door and stepping into it, tugging the guy, what the hell was his name again, in by the bottom of his t-shirt. Kiss broken, she watches as he closes the door behind him, right in the holographic Johnny’s face. If that would actually prevent him from following, she’d be ecstatic. She’s sure he’ll be back in a moment, because he’s never fucking gone for more than a heartbeat. Doesn’t matter, she decides, this isn’t about Johnny. It’s about scratching her itch and cumming. She yank her shirt off over her head and throws her bra after it, whats-his-name, blinks for a moment before his eyes look over her breasts; pale and freckled. It was sudden, a quick cut to the chase, and she knows that.

“I, uh, really fuckin’ need this.” She admits, face flushing.

“Hey, no need to beat around the bush then,” the guy laughs, and he has such a pretty smile, she wishes she remembered his name.

“Fuckin’ hell, you that damn desperate?” Johnny’s laugh mingles with the strangers, now plopped down on a chair in the motel room, “you gonna start humping his leg, next?”

The chair is positioned just across from the small room’s bed, Aidan and her partner standing beside it, between where Johnny sits and the old mattress. Johnny sits casual, strewn with his legs wide open, at the perfect vantage point to stare dead on at Aidan and what-his-face.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, just that annoying persistent nagging fuckin’ thought,” she grumbles, tapping the back of her head, she’d give anything to rip that fuckin’ chip out right now.

“We don’t have to if you’re-“

“No, no, uh, if you’re still up for it, I really really want this.” It’s so sweet of him to offer to stop and she recognizes that but dear lord that kindness is not what she wants right now. She needs someone to fuck her brains out, so Johnny will leave with them.

“You’d probably be getting laid more if you didn’t act like a nutjob, you know that?” Johnny cuts in, that too pretty cocky smirk across his face. And he probably heard that too, fuck.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” the stranger says, pulling his shirt off over his head, Aidan’s eyes following down the line of hair that vanishes into his jeans. She kicks off her boots and starts unbuttoning her jeans, waiting for him to get the message. As nice as his chest is, she needs his dick, like yesterday. In her mouth, her cunt, anywhere, she just fucking needs it.

“I’d be puking if I could,” Johnny taunts again, but he’s laughing dark and deeply, no hint of disgust, “really had to wind up in a cock whore’s head, didn’t I?”

He could always leave, she nearly tells him so, but stops herself. Knowing it’d confuse and or frighten her hookup. Instead, she kicks off her jeans, leaving her in nothing but her panties as the stranger starts to undo his own jeans. Her thighs are clenching and she’s already slick.

“My entire existence is in your head, so no, I can’t help but see your little show. So, if I’m stuck watching it, I might as well have some fun with it too.”

He wants to see a fucking show? She can give him a goddamn show.

Stranger drops his jeans, kicking out of them along with his shoes. And Aidan doesn’t hesitate to drop on her knees in front of him, she’s practically drooling as she pulls down his boxers, hearing him curse above her. He’s already hard, leaking pre-cum, and hot in her grasp. She licks up the length the next moment, dragging the silver ball piercing in her tongue along it, wetting the underside with drool.

“Oh fuck…”

“Fuck.”

Johnny’s and the stranger’s curses mingle, she tries not to worry about what the forgotten rockerboy is thinking, why he’d curse like she’s drooling on his dick and not a rando’s. Whatever he’s going through is his own fucking problem, he’s the one who wanted to treat her like his own personal porno flick. She teases her tongue across the head of his cock, licking along every curve of it, then lapping where pre-cum drips out. Aidan gives a moan when she tastes it, trying to convince her bedmate it’s the best thing she’s ever had. And while it’s more a faint bitterness, the mere fact she’s tasting cock makes her insides clench.

She looks up with big gray eyes, her pick of the night has his eyes closed, biting his lip at the feeling of her on his dick. And then she takes him down her throat, gagging softly at the resistance there as she pushes her head down further. Determination, she takes him until her nose is flushed to his hips. Her jaw aches at the stretch but she ignore it in favor of swallowing around his dick, letting the muscles squeeze around him. It’s hot and heavy in her mouth, twitching in and leaking in her throat. Aidan holds still for a moment, just swallowing and moving her tongue around him, imagining how the length of him will fit inside of her cunt.

Then the ache is a bit too much, the need to breath a bit too strong, and he’s murmuring curses as she pulls off of him completely. She keeps her mouth open wide, panting and showing off the way saliva still connects her mouth to his cock.

Johnny curses and she sees him in the chair from her peripheral, watching with heavy lidded eyes as she sucks cock. She spares a side glance at a shift of movement, silver arm glinting as it catches the light, she realizes he’s rubbing his own cock through his pants. There’s a noticeable tent forming, which may answer a previous question… Her face goes brighter red, but she pushes through, this isn’t about Johnny or at least it shouldn’t be.

And she’s back on the stranger’s dick, sucking him off in earnest as she bobs her head up and down the length of him. Never quite as deep as the first swallow, but she moves as far down his cock as her new pace will allow. Occasionally feeling the head teasing the back of her throat. Fingers entangle with her hair as she reaches a hand to play with his balls, squeezing and massaging them, his groans have gotten louder, testicles drawn tight. He has to be close, she wants her reward for a job well done.

“I’m gonna cum…fuck…” He warns and she pulls back for a second, gently clenching the base of her cock between her fingers to help stop him from shooting his load right that minute.

“You want to cum on me or in my mouth?” She gives him his options and he whines, she expected to be the one tossed around and fucked raw, but it’s becoming more obvious she picked out a guy who’d rather be bossed around a bit. Even if it’s not what she was looking for, she’ll take it, happily.

“Can’t fuckin’ think right now,” he groans, “just wanna cum, please.”

“On your face and tits,” Johnny says, low and husky, making it clear he has no trouble making a choice. Though, judging by his cock still being tucked away in his leather pants, he’s not quite as cum-brained as her hookup.

And after a moment of considering Johnny’s request, Aidan wraps her lips around the man’s dick and gives a hard suck, letting go of the pressure around him. He groans as he cums directly down her throat, hot heavy spurts of it on her tongue. She swallows every last drop, not letting any of it touch her face or chest.

“Bitch.”

She swallows the last bit, grinning at Johnny’s insult, as she strokes the stranger through the last of his after shocks. Aidan stands up, she’s still in her panties, now soaked through with slick. She turns to face the bed, her ass now to Johnny and her hookup, allowing them a view as she purposely bends over to peel her panties off. Allowing both men to see her slick aching cunt; panties in hand, she turns back to face them. And she tosses them at Johnny with a devious smirk, to the unnamed stranger, she threw them to empty chair. But her and the ghostly anarchist, within their own reality that exist merely due to a chip in her head, her panties landed in his lap. His hand grabbing the wet black silk and wrapping them around her fist.

She’s not sure how it works, far from a techie in her knowledge, but she can see him interact with objects. From smoking cigarettes to leaning his weight against whatever he sees fit, after all if he couldn’t interact with anything in the physical world he’d phase through the chair, floor, and everything around them. But to everyone else it’s not seen, the objects just laying flat and useless.

The stranger’s hand grasps her hip, in her personal space within the moment, having stroked his cock back to full erection.

“Want me to return the favor?” He offers to eat her out and she’s surprised at the heat that rushes up her cheeks, despite just slobbering on his cock the question makes her blush.

“Let him do it,” Johnny says with a drawn out groan, her panties still in his hand as he undoes his belt and pulls his cock out, “wanna see you get licked.”

Would have though he’d have learned by now, she’s not interested in fulfilling his requests.

“Fuckin’ really,” he curses out at the thought, realizing he won’t get what he wants from her and he can’t do anything about it. His voice is edged and sharp, a hint of anger.

“Appreciate the thought, but I need you in me, bad. That okay?”

“Sounds good, I got a condom in my jeans, give me a second.” He starts to rifle through his abandoned jeans and jacket, Aidan clenching her thighs as she waits, she’s finally about to get what she needs most.

“He’s not gonna fuck you right.”

She tries hard not to audibly groan at Johnny’s words or watch the slow drag of his hand over his cock. Then she notices the black fabric he presses against himself, using to jerk himself off, her panties. Aidan likely deserves that, but she’s more distressed over the way it makes her insides clench than worries of the fabric. Though given what he is, she’ll probably find them virtually untouched later.

“I’m serious, Samurai, he’s not gonna give you what your after. He’s too soft for you, can’t fuck you the way you need.”

Shut up, Johnny, she rolls her eyes letting the sentiment ring out in both of their minds.

“Got it,” her date, if you can call it that, returns with condom in hand, she takes it from his hand.

“Lay back on the bed, I’ll take care of everything,” she tells him.

“Yes, ma’am,” he says and god if she wasn’t so desperate the words could have dried her up quicker than the Sahara. Even when she wants control, that is not a nickname she cares for. Johnny laughs when she wrinkles her nose.

“Told you so, ma’am.”

“Don’t call me that,” she says to both to her hookups earnest slip up and Johnny’s condescension.

“Sorry,” her hookup offers as moves to straddle him, her back to his view.

“It’s okay, we’re strangers, don’t know everything about each other.” Her voice is a little kinder as she rolls the condom down his length, listening to the little inhales of air as he feels her touch.

“Hmmm, wouldn’t be nicer with someone who does, someone who knows it all, someone in your head.” Johnny has moved, zipped, to stand at the foot of the bed. So, he can watch her more clearly she assumes. His cock and her panties are still in his hand.

She ignores him, instead moving to hover over the stranger’s cock, letting the head just tease her slit open. Aidan whimpers and whines, unable to help it at the feeling of being stretched open as her weight comes down slowly onto his dick. Inch after inch sliding into her, pressing at her deepest parts. Despite some kinks misaligning, he fits nicely inside of her, helping scratch the itch.

“A nice dick don’t mean anything if they don’t know how to use it,” Johnny taunts again, his gaze is hot on her skin, “I know everything you’ve been wanting, everything that you dream of that gets you going and makes you whimper, and I know for a fact this guy isn’t gonna give it to you.”

‘Fuck off’ she mouths the words, despite knowing he can just hear her think them, she starts to bounce herself on the stranger’s cock, chasing her pleasure as she fucks herself on him. But she doesn’t miss how Johnny starts to stroke himself faster, nearly matching the pace she’s set for herself.

“Might as well be ridin’ a toy.

“Fuck… you feel so good,” the man beneath her groans just as Johnny starts to mock his prowess.

“Good? That’s all he’s got is good?”

“Fuck…”

Aidan closes her eyes, trying to shut out the image of Johnny if nothing else, while both men’s voices ring out, audible even over her own whines of pleasure, she tries to focus on how good it feels to finally be full. Bouncing her ass harder as she rides the stranger’s cock, hoping somehow the smack of flesh against flesh, the creak of a bed could drown them both out.

“Bet your tight, a wet little vice wrapped around his cock.”

“Fuck…faster please…”

“He’s probably already close, feeling the way you stretch around him, watching the desperate little way you fuck yourself on his dick.”

“Hnnnn, fuck..”

The two men’s voice go back and forth, a mess in her head, an overwhelming mess where Johnny’s words edge her further but the noises of her hookup stir up guilt, how could she get off to him being shamed? How could she get off on Johnny’s taunts and teasing, why does every word he say stoke a fire deeper inside of her, make her wetter, and push her closer to edge. While the man she’s actually fucking only seems to set her back on that journey.

Johnny isn’t real. She tries to tell herself, not physically, he only exists to her. Aidan should focus on what real and here and beneath her, but everything draws her back to the phantom in her head.

Despite how close she is, she can’t cross the precipice, a wall built up in her core that won’t let her cum. That tension in her stomach refuses to snap, refuses to allow her the pleasure, the rush of endorphins, she’s been so desperate for. She fucks herself up and down as hard as she can, the smack of skin hitting skin echoing, and she’s sure she’ll bruise herself in her desperation. Tears of sheer frustration build in her eyes, why can she just fucking cum?

A hand cups her face, flesh and warm, vaguely slick with sweat or precum, she doesn’t know. But Aidan opens her eyes, looking straight up at Johnny. His dark brown eyes look down at her, dark hair falling into his face.

“Take out your hearing aids for me?” For once his voice comes with a little upward inflection, insinuating a question and not a demand.

“Huh?”

“I want to be the only thing you hear right now.”

And this time she listens, throwing one quick look over her should at her hookup, his eyes closed and head tossed back in the pillows, lost in the feeling of her around him; Aidan gently pulls out her hearing aids and the world goes quiet. No more sounds from him, not even the faint whirr of the fluorescent lights, or the slap of flesh.

“Good girl,” Johnny says, his voice ringing out as clear as ever, for it comes from her own brain. The praise makes her clench and whimper, the kind of attention and names she likes best. He leans his forehead to hers, his hair tickling her face.

He’s not real, but he feels real. She feels his skin, hears his voice, can smell the cigarette smoke on his breath. And she feels metal fingers, cool as they pushing against her slick cunt, finding her swollen clit with ease. She whines, as he rubs her, stroking friction against her nerves.

“So fucking wet, you’ve wanted my hands on your for a while, haven’t you?” He teases, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips.

“Yes,” she lets him hear it in voice and thought.

“He may be inside you, but I’m the one who’s gonna make you cum, you got that?”

“Yes, yes, fuck, please,” she whimpers, fucking herself and grinding against Johnny’s fingers. Every bounce and rub of his fingers pushes her closer to the edge.

“Who’s gonna make you cum?”

You, Johnny. She thinks but doesn’t dare say it, for fear of the man beneath her hearing, even in the throes of pleasure, she needs to be rational, Johnny isn’t real and if she starts screaming the name of a ghost while she cums…

“Say it, out loud,.” His fingers slow their movement, nearly stopping their motion altogether, his threat clear and she fucking needs this.

“Johnny!” Another hard rub before she’s finished the first syllable and his name becomes a scream, the tension snaps, the bubble of pleasure pops, and she’s overwhelmed by her pure euphoria. Toes curled and squirming she finally finds her release, cumming around the man inside of her, mind going blank for a moment.

Then the fog in her brain starts to lift, aftershocks coming and going, she can feel the condom bloated with cum inside of her…. Johnny is laughing, chuckling a rich and warm sound, and oh god she said his name.

Aidan puts her hearing aids back in, clenched in her sweaty fist this entire time, trying to do so quick enough that it isn’t noticed and she can catch anything he may say.

“…ohnny?”

She catches the very end of it and oh no, oh no. Johnny’s still laughing.

“Hmm, didn’t quite catch that, something wrong?” She tries to act nonchalant, like she just missed it, as she pulls herself off his cock. The emptiness makes her whine, but she may need to detach herself from this situation as soon as possible.

“Who’s Johnny?” He asks again as she turns to face him on the bed, the stranger’s eyebrow raised. He doesn’t seem mad, just genuinely confused.

“Yeah, who’s Johnny?” The old rockerboy says, smirking and how he can look so cocky with his dick still hard and out, she has no idea. Why is she even thinking about his dick, she catches herself, that’s oh lord.

“Uhhh, why do you ask, who said anything about a Johnny?”

“You did, loudly, while you came.”

“Uhhhh….”

“He got you there.”

“Look,” the guy says, smiling kindly, “like, if you’re hung up on some other dude, it’s cool, like you said, we’re strangers. But, uh, if you’re thinking that much about this Johnny guy, you should probably just like talk to him about it.”

“I’m not hung up on, Johnny, I assure you.”

“Hmmm, debateable,” Johnny taunts and she’s gonna rip this fucking chip out of her brain if it kills her.

“Say what you want, but I clearly wasn’t the guy on your mind tonight.”

“Hard to compete with the guy who’s in her mind.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess, sorry…”

“No worries,” he says and she’s continuously thankful he can’t hear Johnny’s snide ass remarks, “I’m gonna grab a shower then head out, rooms already paid for if you wanna chill here.”

And her one night stand gives her a friendly tap on the shoulder, like they’re bros and his dick wasn’t just inside of her, then heads to the motel bathroom. Aidan collapses on the bed, face flushed and struggling to accept the mess of a night.

Then a weight settles over her, Johnny suddenly straddling her sternum, knees on either side and pressing into the bed before he sits his weight fully on her. His cock is still hard and leaking, has been the entire time, now smearing precum hot into her skin.

‘The fuck are you doing?’ she mouths, glaring up at him.

“What no love for the guy you’re so hung up on?”

The shower starts up in the background, which should block out the sound of her talking to the ghost currently stroking his dick over her tits. The head flushed red and his pace quickening, he’s been shifting pace back and forth this entire time, no doubt he’s close to bursting.

“I fuckin’ hate you, you know that?”

“I know for a fact you don’t,” he groans beneath his breath, as his cock twitches in his hand, “besides, told you where I wanted to cum.”

“Y-Ahh!”

He curses beneath his breath and she yelps as it hits her, cum splattering across her chest and face. It certainly feels real, hot and thick across her breasts and chin, salty when her tongue swipes away a drop that hit her lip. But no one else but her and him would ever be able to even see it…

Images of being able to walk around Night City filled and covered in his cum, with no one else even knowing flicker across her mind.

“You’re not even pretending to hate me anymore, are you?” He’s grinning wickedly, face flushed beneath the dark scruff of his beard, long hair sticking to his forehead. And she can’t find in her to disagree.

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #johnny silverhand #have i been kicked out of the fandom before the game comes out?#okay cool

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tanadrin · 4 years ago

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I suppose because politics is what means I have no future of any kind left, so it's hard to be silly about it. And I seem to have landed myself in a sector of social media filled with people who are very smug about how smart and nihilistic they are, and I hate all of you with the hatred that only a miserable, powerless person can feel.

I don’t buy it. Unless you are quite literally scheduled to be executed at dawn, “no future of any kind left” because of politics is catastrophizing. People in very dire circumstances the world over often manage to build some kind of life for themselves; it may not be the life they want, and the suffering they endure because of the circumstances they are limited by should not be dismissed, but to say that someone in such adverse conditions has no future is to infantalize them and deny them the agency they do have to shape their life to some extent.

And this is an insight I’ve found important when dealing with depression in myself: even if one’s catastrophizing is not irrational (say, you’re a queer person stuck in an extremely homophobic environment, at minimum for the next 5-10 years), that does not mean it is useful. To put it another way: circumstance might justifiably make you angry and sad and frustrated. That may be rational. Deciding, in the face of that anger and sadness and frustration, to surrender to it is not rational.

So--assuming that you are not a political dissident due to be executed, nor suffering from a terminal illness which somehow for political reasons cannot be cured (if either of these things are true, you have my sincere condolences)--I have to say, this ask reeks of someone who’s depressed. If you are depressed, you will always be able to come up with reasons why happiness is unattainable for you, due to circumstances entirely out of your control. This is not a crazy thing to think, because if you are depressed and not treating that depression, most if not all the things you try to do will not solve your unhappiness because they are usually orthogonal to what is making you unhappy. Your very ability to accurately imagine future happy states and what might bring them about is suppressed by depression; for instance, you might, if you are depressed and you know it, rationally understand that exercise often helps with your depression, but be unable to motivate yourself to exercise because the intuitive link between if I do X I will feel better is broken by an internal forecasting system that refuses to spit out predictions other than “nothing I do will help with anything.”

A depressed state is not a psychotic break--it doesn’t cause you to lose touch with reality--but I think depressed people would sometimes benefit from treating it like one, because it does subvert your ability to accurately model the world, and therefore you can’t trust your own ability to reason or intuit about certain topics. I have both experienced this from the inside, and seen it from the outside: friends whose depression causes them to believe they are unlovable, and thus that nobody loves them, even when told (and shown) repeatedly that they are very much loved, and very important to the people around them.

In fact, you remind me of this post: depressed and anxious people who notice politics is depressing and anxiety-inducing, and that depressing and anxiety-inducing problems confront the world and society, and therefore conclude that their depression and anxiety are a rational and reasonable response to the world. But that doesn’t follow at all! A lot of responses to a depressing and anxiety-inducing environment are more useful that shutting down and withdrawing, or letting yourself be paralyzed; and even if there are negative external factors in the world affecting your life, if you have nothing in your life that is a sufficient source of joy to offset these things at least somewhat, then you have problems sufficiently severe that I don’t think your depression or anxiety can be laid at the feet of the world at large alone; more likely, you’re dealing with shitty personal circumstances, and these are far more likely to be tractable to your individual capacities than, like, all of climate change. And if you do have some sources of joy in your life, you can cultivate those further.

To put it another way: humans are very bad at reasoning about things on large scales or over large timelines. One reason we’re slow to solve problems like climate change is that we tend to be pretty blasé about remote and impersonal problems, which is actually often useful as well--because it means we’re capable of adjusting our hedonic barometer to create joy even in catastrophic circumstances. If you are constantly worried about big issues like climate change or the Trump presidency to the point where you can never do that, then the conclusion you should draw isn’t that you’re a uniquely rational human being with a uniquely accurate worldview, it’s that your brain is broken and you should not trust your intuitition.

Emotional states are not rational models of the world. They are tools our brain uses to motivate certain kinds of action. They probably have their origin in our social evolution, but this means they are extremely untrustworthy when it comes to complex, large-scale, philosophical, or impersonal issues, because these are not scenarios our brains evolved to handle before the advent of high-population, highly-stratified societies.

Now, I realize it’s hard to convince someone they are depressed and/or should seek treatment by rational argument (lord knows I’ve tried in the past!), because after all, if we were being perfectly rational, we would not feel depressed. We wouldn’t feel anything; again, emotions are contingent tools, not highly rationalized responses to the world! So I won’t belabor this point any longer. Instead, now I’m going to get annoyed with you.

Because here’s the other thing depressed people do--and I have done myself. They see people who are not depressed, whose hedonic barometers are functioning normally, and capable of experiencing joy even in arguably (or inarguably!) shitty circumstances, and they get mad at them. How dare you be capable of laughing at a joke, or sharing a meme, or having a nice day, when everything is so bad!

This is a common response, not only from depression, but also I think from grief, or fear, or trauma, or lots of other things. But it’s bullshit. I’m sorry, but you don’t get to demand that everyone feel your suffering as acutely as they feel their own. You don’t get to demand that just because you’re a pessimistic ball of frustration and anger that everyone else be, too. You get to--and ought to--demand that people treat you with empathy and respect, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get to make jokes about topics you find depressing as hell. Yes, even topics that personally affect you, and may not personally affect them (though, of course, a lot of times people assume the person making the joke isn’t personally affected by the topic, when in reality they are and the joke is a way of relieving stress and coping with frustration).

That calvin and hobbes meme I reblogged is an extremely generic political compass meme; the only relevance it has to the world today, I suppose, is acknowledging that, like, politics is a thing that exists. If you’re upset by that--how dare people laugh at politics, the source of all my problems--you’re being a dick.

And this leads my to my final point, which is this: while we are all of us owed compassion, we also owe others compassion. And people caught up in their own anxiety and depression and anger often don’t see the way their emotional states impose costs on the people around them. They often treat the people around them badly--worse, at any rate, than they normally would--and react defensively if this is pointed out to them.

I’ve done this. I have friends who have done this. I get it. It doesn’t make someone a horrible person! It doesn’t meant they deserve to feel the way they do. But it does create the second half of a twofold moral obligation. You see, I believe that the, call it “utilitarian selfishness” view, is essentially correct: if all humans are of similar moral worth (they are), and you can only help one person (often true), and that person is yourself, it is no less moral to help yourself than it is to help someone else. This is usually framed as a grant of permission: “you are allowed to be selfish sometimes.” But it’s also an obligation: “you should not be a dick--even to yourself.” You have a positive obligation to care about your own suffering! And you have a positive obligation to try to reduce the costs your suffering--your bad mood, your depression, your anxiety--imposes on the people around you.

Because I’m not a smug nihilist. I actually believe, with embarrassing intensity, in a large number of abstract principles. And while I believe circumstance or injustice can conspire to make people feel miserable and powerless, and I have the utmost sympathy for you feeling that way, no one is so omnipotent as to be able to truly excise our power to do something with our life that is rewarding to us, no matter how modest. Your subjective feeling of misery is not license to be a dick to people, or to misrepresent them or their motivations. And if reading my tumblr (or anyone else’s) makes you miserable, you have a positive moral obligation to stop, because you’re being a dick to yourself, which is no more justifiable than being a dick to me. And being a dick to me because you don’t like my Tumblr, because you’re miserable and I’m not, is pants-on-head stupid.

I, too, have been so convinced of my misery and powerlessness, and so utterly convinced of my inability to make improvements in my life, that I have yielded utterly to the feeling of myself as a despised, helpless, wretched thing. You can spend years in that state. A lifetime, even. I suppose it relieves you from the burden of having to try, which is a tiny shred of comfort when the climb up the hill seems so steep. But I have found that in the long run it brings no other relief; there’s no regression to the mean, just an endless prolongation of misery. It required some courage, and not a little determination, to try to climb out of that pit. Sometimes you struggle. Sometimes you fall back in. Sometimes it’s easier to believe there’s nothing beyond that place of unhappiness. But there is, and you can get there, and the choice of whether or not to reach it lies only with you.

#if you are in fact due to be executed ignore this #and you have my deepest condolences #but in that case how did you get on tumblr???#Anonymous

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thiswasinevitableid · 4 years ago

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For the prompts: Sternay, Centaur, NSFW. Thank you!

Here you go!

Note: I use “races” here in the D&D sense.

Most nights, Barclay works undistracted until the end of dinner. Tonight, looks out the kitchen window so often Moira teases him that she’ll close it to save him from cutting off his own hand by mistake.

He can’t help it. Every time a new party returns from an adventure or demands a table so they can sit and plan their next epic quest, he pokes his head into the dining room of Amnesty Lodge to see if a certain orc is among them.

Technically, Joseph is half-orc, as his father was an elf, but his orcish traits dominate in all but his build and his ears. He’s so handsome, the first time he addressed Barclay by name he blushed for an hour afterwards.

That was the second time they’d met, Joseph having returned from his job as the hired rogue of a party of treasure hunters. He’d been a spy during the last great skirmish, and now put his observation and information gathering skills to good use for a fair price. He, like other adventurers for hire, used Amnesty Lodge as his base, as it welcomed creatures of all kinds and had the best food in all of Kepler.

When Joseph became a regular, it didn’t take long for him to post up in the place where it was easiest for him to talk to Barclay, and more than once he stayed to help the centaur put up chairs and wipe down tables. Four months ago, before he left to help some mages in search of rare artifacts, he knocked on Barclay’s door in the pre-dawn rain and kissed him goodbye, telling him to consider the kiss an offer he could refuse or accept on Josephs’ return.

Barclay kissed him back immediately in reply.

Ever since that morning, Barclay’s orientation towards time changed. He no longer saw his life in weeks and months; instead it was divided into times when Joseph was in town and times when he was gone. It helps that Joseph prefers quests that are about knowledge and have a low chance of death, as he has little taste for violence (in fact, the only orc he knows with less taste for it is Duck, who seems annoyed at the fact the universe thinks it’s his destiny to fight).

When the last diner stumbles upstairs to their room, Moira pats his side, “I can get Jake to help me clean up. You go on home.”

A short walk brings him to his cottage on the edge of Amnestys’ grounds. He gathers his mail, starts a kettle for tea, and contemplates if he should take a bath now or wait for Joseph in the hopes he might join him.

Knockknock

He hurries to the door, throws it open and finds a disheveled but pleased looking Joseph holding a bouquet of branches.

“Hey” his brain offers no further thoughts, too busy drinking in the sight of the boyfriend he’s been missing these last ten days.

“I’m sorry I’m late, we ran into some kind of conflict between two water golems and had to take a longer route. I, um, brought some apple blossoms as an apology.”

“No need to apologize, blue eyes” Barclay takes the flowers, “I’m just glad you’re back in one piece. Uh, do you, uh, wanna come in? I’m making tea and, uh, I was gonna take a bath if you wanna join me.” In spite of the fact Joseph is already through the door and taking off his shoes, Barclay worries he’s moving too fast.

“A bath sounds great, big guy” Joseph cups his face, takes his time kissing every inch of his lips before releasing him, “I’ll go get it started.”

Barclay shuts the door and trots towards the kitchen. He munches two stems of blossoms and then sets the rest in some water on the table.

He joins Joseph just as the orc closes off the sluice that directs the water from the hot springs outside into the massive, rocky tub. It’s designed with multiple wide, stone benches so Barclay can sit comfortably with his legs tucked beneath him. He sets the mugs of tea by the edge of the pool and wades in, settling on his preferred bench as Joseph floats over to him. A grey scar runs up one side of his green chest which, combined with the stylish piercings in his ears and the one stud in his nose, make him look a mixture of tough and debonair that never fails to make Barclay paw the ground with frustrated desire.

The orc is so handsome, has kissed Barclay breathless and given him the honor of tasting his cock several times, but there are things Barclay wants from him that he will never ask for. And so, as the orc drapes his arms around his shoulders, he puts those lurid thoughts from his mind.

“Do you want me to get your back?” Well-trimmed claws scritch the sensitive line where fur meets skin.

“Fuck yeah.”

Joseph splashes to his side, retrieving one of the milky-white bottles lined along the rocky edge. The scent of oatmeal and chamomile fills twines into the steam as the orc guides a generous line of the shampoo down his spine. Barclay would never admit it in public, but he uses this blend in part because it brings a shine to his dark bay fur, the color of which he is immensely proud.

“You have such a handsome coat” Joseph murmurs, fingers creating a path of suds as he rubs them in circles, “then again, the rest of you is handsome too, so it’s only remarkable in that it puts every other centaur I’ve seen to shame.”

Barclay squeezes the loofah he’s using on his shoulders, groans when Joseph digs his fingers into the spot on his back legs that is always sore after a day in the kitchen.

“Look at all that strength buried right here” Joseph pets up his leg and along his flank, “gods, Barclay, maybe I should count myself lucky that you work somewhere you aren’t seen so that I’m not constantly fighting off every centaur who passes through town and sees what a catch you are.”

“Babe please” he dumps water over his head, which does fuck-all to clear it, “please, when you talk like that it’s, I’m-”

The hands switch to soothing circles, “I’m sorry, if it’s making you uncomfortable I can stop.”

“No, no it’s more like, uh, fuck” he takes a deep breath, “talking to me like that while you touch me, while you’re right there all naked and perfect I, it turns me on and I don’t want to make you deal with that.”

Soft splashing as Joseph moves in front of him, “I think now is the time to tell you I’m, um, more than happy to deal with it. In fact, I was kind of hoping we could do that tonight. We can take our time, since neither of us has work tomorrow and I, um, well let’s just say I thought about you a lot while I was gone and wanted the chance to act on some of those thoughts.”

Barclay snorts, softly, “Trust me, babe, even if you think it’s a good idea now, you won’t when it happens. Lots of people love the idea of fucking a centaur right up until the moment and then they bail. And I mean, like, that’s cool, I don’t wanna fuck someone who’s freaked out and they can call it quits whenever but...yeah. I appreciate the thought, blue eyes.” He smiles, trying to show that he means it, because he does, he loves that Joseph thinks of him that way.

Joseph massages some of the shampoo into his hair, the two of them still face to face, “Do you remember that black trunk I left here last time?”

“Uhhuh” He closes his eyes, neck relaxing, “said it was stuff you needed to keep at my place.”

“It is, and now I know you didn’t peek at it. I did a bunch of research into the best way to prepare to get fucked by a centaur, and everything we need is in that box.”

“Aw babe, you did a research project for me.” Barclay hides his face in Joseph’s shoulder.

“It’s my love language.” Joseph kisses his cheek, “Barclay, if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. I just wanted you to know that this isn’t some idle fantasy for me, with you filling the role of hot centaur. This is something I want to do with you, my boyfriend who I adore and want to get fucked by.”

“Promise you’ll say something if I’m hurting you?” Barclay mumbles against soap-tinged skin.

A kiss on his head this time, “I promise.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

Joseph is conscious of his reputation. He always has been, whether that was how his superiors saw him or how his potential clients see him now. This is why he’s well-aware of the joke that goes as follows:

Did you hear about the undiscovered creature?

No. What is it?

A race Joseph hasn’t fucked.

That’s the translation from orcish, anyway.

It’s not as if he has a checklist of beings he wants to bed. It’s that he’s never seen a creatures race as a deterrent. Not the very charming bugbear who bought him a drink his first time up in Vogel Pass. Not the shy dragonborn who asked him to dance at the Festival of the Two Moons. And certainly not the sweet, gentle centaur who owned his heart from the first time he smiled at him.

Joseph considers himself practical, but Barclay forces him to confront the romantic streak running through his heart. He’d debated how best to show it, considering traditional gestures of orc courtship or a long, long letter, before an exasperated Duck pulled him aside and told him to just tell him, please Joe for fucks sake this is painful to watch.

Over the last few months, he’s learned which flowers to bring his lover, what places to pet and scratch to melt that strong body beneath his hands. He’s also observed that Barclay is sexually pent up yet never asks for release, no matter how many times he swallows or strokes Josephs’ cock. So, while his research and subsequent offering of his ass are far from selfless, he hopes it will show his boyfriend that he will put in the work to bring him pleasure.

He’s busy laying out the four glass cocks of increasing sizes next to the largest bottle of lube they had at fantasy Costco while Barclay arranges a set of cushions, bars, and ropes near the bed. When put together, the items form a rig that allow centaurs to fuck smaller partners. Barclay bought it the last time someone expressed a desire to fuck him; it’s never been used.

Joseph sits on the bed, all his supplies in reach, and pats the large mattress to indicate Barclay can join him.

“Should I help?” The centaur tucks his legs under him, tail twitching once.

“Yes, by holding me while I warm up. You won’t be able to when you’re fucking me, so I need to get my fill.” He rests his back against Barclay’s bare chest, tips his head up so his boyfriend can kiss him, “if you’re good, maybe I’ll let you open me up some of the way.”

Barclay whines, nuzzling his hair as he preps the smallest toy. It slides in easily, Joseph working it back and forth with soft moans. It’s not long before he trades it for the next size, the one he uses most often. The centaur’s arms twine around his waist and his chin rests on his shoulder, jostling in time with Joseph’s thrusts.

The third toy has a flared base and he grunts, spreading his legs wider as he pushes it in. He stops mid-way, needing a moment to relax. Barclay rubs his thighs, asking if there’s anything he needs.

“A little distraction might help.”

“I can manage that.”

“GAHahnnnnm, shit, that works.” Joseph moves the toy incrementally deeper as Barclay nibbles his ears. The playful pain always makes him shiver and submit to whatever’s happening, and soon the toy bottoms out. He fucks himself with it until the idea of taking more feels not only possible, but wonderful.

The fourth toy is, according to his research, to inches shorter and an inch and a half thinner than the average centaur cock. It’s an intense stretch and he groans, falling back in Barclays arms. The centaurs breath is coming in hot puffs on his neck and chest, and the bed is moving more than it was a minute ago.

“Enjoying the show, big guy?”

“Uhhuhnnn, I, fuck babe this is making me so fucking hard but I, I didn’t wanna say anything in case you needed to back out.”

“My sweet, considerate Barclay. Here, I have an idea.” He tips forward, splaying out on his stomach with the toy sticking part way out of his ass, “I want you to finish getting me ready.”

“Okay” He can feel Barclay’s hand shaking through the length of the toy, “fuck, your ass looks good like this.”

“It’ll look even better with yours in itAH gods, that’s a good speed for it, gods that feels so good.”

Barclay growls, pushes the toy all the way in as Joseph arches off the bed with a wall-shaking moan.

“That’s it, ohmylord, see big guy, I can take whatever you give me. You won’t break me, won’t hurt me, just fill me up and make me cum so hard I white out-”

“Who says you’re gonna get to cum, blue eyes? Maybe I’ll just fill that tight orc ass up and leave you there until I’m ready to breed again.”

There’s a smack just as the toy stops moving. Joseph turns to see Barclay with his hands clamped over his mouth.

“‘M ‘orry.”

With some effort and another moan as the toy shifts, he rolls onto his side and holds up two fingers, “First off, I’ve heard way more explicit ‘breeding talk’ including from my own kind. Second of all, if it bothered me, I wouldn’t keep talking about how strong and capable you are when I want to wind you up. I was a spy, Barclay; I’m very good at telling what people want and what they’re hiding.”

“Joe….” it’s a whine. Rarer still is the use of his nickname, something Barclay only does when he’s far gone with desire. Joseph allows himself some internal smugness before smiling at his boyfriend.

“I’m ready for the main event if you are.”

Lube drips down his thighs as Barclay helps him into place. There’s a large, square cushion with very little give shoved up against the wall. It’s waist-height for Joseph, so he bends over it and lets his boyfriend strap his wrists and ankles down against the faux-velvet.

“Is that okay? You don’t need the extra pad under your feet?”

“Assuming we’re at a comfortable angle for you, I’m all set.”

“Right. Cool.” Barclay sounds almost impatient; what an evening of firsts this is turning out to be. “I’m gonna put the last piece on.”

A cool circle of stainless steel sits snugly against Joseph's ass. In his reading, he learned that a common issue was the cock slipping out during the precarious first pushes, leading to frustration for everyone. Since Barclay can’t guide it with his hand from the angle he’ll be at, the ring offers a tactile clue and keep him on course once he pushes in.

The centaur moves so he’s behind him, then steps forward so his front legs are on either side of the block Joseph is strapped to. From here, the heat of his body surrounds the orc and he feels safe instead of smothered. After three mis-judged nudges, his cock threads though the ring, the flat, wide head of it parting Joseph’s ass as they both groan.

“Shit” Joseph hisses. Barclay freezes above him, so he adds, “that was good cursing.”

It remains so as the thick head stretches him open, and he gasps with relief when it’s done breaching his body. The shaft is narrower, so that’s the hard part over with. Better still, his preparation pays off; the cock slides most of the way in with little resistance.

“Can I start moving?” He can’t really see Barclay’s face from this angle, but the centaurs' shy, lustful hope is clear in his voice.

“Yes, big guyFUCK! Ohfuck, yes, holy hells that’s good.” The first thrusts make the purpose of the straps clear; if Joseph weren’t tied down, he’d be bounced this way and that, increasing his chances of injury. Trapped as he is, there’s less chance for accidental harm and no distraction from the massive cock relentlessly thudding into him.

“Fuck, Joseph, you feel so good baby, fuck I never think of you as small but it’s like I can reach the back of your fucking throat like this.”

The comment draws his attention to what he assumes is a lump in the flat surface of the cushion that’s causing his stomach to rock at an angle.

“Holy shit that’s, that’s your cock. Barclay, it’s, it’s literally bulging my stomach out.” He wishes the set up allowed him to see it, he wants to sear the image of Barclay’s cock molded against his flesh into the deepest corners of his memory.

“I can feel it babe, believe me. Fuck, such a tight fit, you’re like a fucking toy, stretching to take me.” More force behind the thrusts, suggesting Barclay is using the bar enchanted into the wall for this exact purpose, “shouldn’t waste a breeding load on a toy, but fuck me if I care.”

“Gods almighty” that fact hadn’t appeared in his research, but makes perfect sense; if a centaur hasn’t fucked in awhile, their biology might generate a greater amount of cum the next time around in hopes of continuing their kind.

“Yeah, you like that, like the idea of taking my cum so deep you’ll be able to taste it. Gonna fill you up babe, fuck, gonna leave you dripping for weeks.”

“That’s right, big guy, you can cum as much as you want.” His comment dies out into a prolonged whimper as his cock ruts against the cushion, pushing him towards orgasm.

Barclay stops, huffing, and rumbles, “It’s cute how you think you get to make that call, instead of taking me for as long as I fucking say like the needy little piece of ass you are.”

“Sweet fucking hell” Is all Joseph gets out before his words give way to desperate, ecstatic sounds. Barclay fucks him so hard and fast it shakes dust from the ceiling and a picture from the wall. The entire lower half of his body is stretched and pounded so mercilessly and with absolutely no pauses, meaning his orgasm only registers when splatters across the floor. His sensitive cock gets no reprieve, bouncing in time with Barclays increasingly sharp thrusts and making Joseph gasp whenever it rubs against the cushion.

His assumption that Barclay is going his fastest goes out the window when the centaur quickens his pace, Josephs wrists and ankles twisting in their bonds as his mind falls silent. All he hears is Barclay grunting as his cock tries to go deeper into his ass.

“C’mon babe, c’mon, take it, take me deep, take the whole godsdamn fucking thingohfuck, Joe.” There’s a deep, broken cry as cum pumps into him, his body aching at the further intrusion. Barclay whimpers and moans above him, hips still jerking as he keeps cumming. By the time he gives a final thrust, cum is escaping back down his shaft, Joseph’s body unable to contain it.

“Do, do you want me to pull out all at once?”

“Yes, best to get the mess over with instead of dragging oOWut.” His body gives up any pretense of supporting itself when the centaur slides out of him. Thank goodness for the cushions. Barclay isn’t faring any better, knees wobbling as he undoes Josephs’ restraints and helps him to the bed. The orc just manages to remember to toss a towel out for him to lay on so he doesn’t stain the bed sheets with the spend still running down his legs.

Barclay nestles protectively around him, guiding his head to rest on the still-shiny fur of his back, “I can’t believe you did that for me.”

“For us. I don’t know if you noticed, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself.”

“Kinda got that sense, yeah.” Barclay rests their heads together, “Even so just...thanks. Thanks for taking the time and effort it takes to fuck me.”

Joseph toys with Barclay’s hair, tucks it behind his ears, “Barclay, I love you. Part of that means figuring things like this out together. Even if being with you, in any sense of the word, was a hundred times more complicated, that wouldn’t be enough to stop me from trying.”

Barclay doesn’t ask if he means it. Instead, he draws him into a kiss, works his magic with his lips and tongue until Joseph is practically draped over him, content and exhausted. Before the centaur scoops him up for another bath, he kisses his cheek and rumbles, “Thanks, babe. And I love you too.”

#sternclay #reader requests #agent stern/barclay #monster march #centaur boyfriend #monster boyfriends

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heloflor · 4 years ago

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Rogue arc : An analysis of “Abducting Murphy’s law” ’s B plot

So, as I mentioned in one of my fics, I wanted to write a long ass thing about Cavendish’s arc in season 2. Well, here’s part one!

While I said that I wanted to talk about the arc, to be honest I mostly had this episode in mind. “Abducting Murphy’s Law” is not my favorite episode but it does have my favorite B plot (by B plot I mean Cavendish and Dakota). The reason why I love this plot so much is because there’s tons of stuff to talk about, hence this post. So yeah, when I said I wanted to talk about Cavendish’s arc, what I mostly meant was that I wanted to infodump about this episode. Although, I did make a second post about how the reconciliation didn’t feel earned, along with some comments about the arc in general, including how Dakota definitely has some dependance issues but, instead of addressing it, the show tends to validate his fears. I’ll make sure to post both parts around the same time so that, if anybody wants to add or talk about it, they already have all my arguments.

This first half will be in four parts : a short explanation of which scenes I will talk about, one small side note about Bob Block being the least trustable character in this show, one pretty long part about how Dakota is throughout the episode and finally another long part about Cavendish and his evolution during the episode. And yeah, I know I could’ve made the Bob Block part into its own post but for some reason my brain really wants to put it in this post so…

And because I don’t want people to scroll through such a long text to read a tl;dr , here it is now :

tl;dr : - Bob Block is an untrustworthy condescending creep.

- Dakota plays moral support and does seem to believe Cavendish but is mostly worried about what Cavendish is trying to do and is gently trying to get him to give up while trying to stay on his side, as if something like that happened before.

- Cavendish is desperate to prove himself and the world that he’s someone, so when nobody takes him seriously or believe him, he’s willing to take matter into his own hands to prove them wrong.

As for the full post (warning : it’s VERY long) :

So first off, I will talk about four scenes here : the scene on the parking lot, the three scenes at P.I.G. (warning Block, the computer room and the argument in the armory) and the scene with Cavendish leaving. So basically, every scene with the duo except for the dialogue between Dakota and Heinz, mostly because there isn’t really anything interesting to say about this scene, except maybe the fact that Dakota drowns his sorrows in food but that was pretty much expected given his personality and the fact that he literally says in “Missing Milo” that he eats when he’s stressed. Also, leave it to Doofenshmirtz to be vague about why Milo was missing, making it impossible for Dakota to know that there truly was an abduction; just like how in “The Last Day of Summer” in PnF, when he asks Candace if she saw his nemesis, he conveniently doesn’t describe Perry to her.

As for the small part about Bob Block : I don’t trust that guy in the slightest. Firstly, like basically everyone who watched the show already said, this guy gives off a very creepy vibe that makes him scream “villain”. And his design with his teeth + the voice actor’s former roles doesn’t help. Also, I recently re-watched the B plot of “Milo’s Shadow” and Cavendish calls P.I.G. a “clandestine government agency”, and I’m a bit curious about the “clandestine” part.

Secondly, I’ve seen a few people say that Block was hiding something darker because he was “too nice to be a good person” but like…he isn’t nice ??? Not in the slightest ??? Haven’t you heard him talk to Cavendish and Dakota in episodes like “Disco Do-Over”, “Lady Krillers” or “Field of Screams” ? He’s extremely condescending to them. Seriously, he talks to them like they were toddlers. Like, you know that “baby voice” you take to make kids feel excited about something ? He uses the exact same kind of voice with Cav and Vinnie. And the fact that he speaks slowly or him killing aliens while telling Cav that he’s doing the important job doesn’t help with the condescending aspect.

Another thing that I noticed about him is that he tends to be in control of every discussion he’s a part of. In particular, he has a tendency to cut off Dakota when the two are talking. I don’t know why Dakota specifically but in my rewatchs I didn’t notice him do the same with Cavendish. And since we’re on the topic of him being condescending and cutting off : first, in “Walker, Runner, Screamer”, he hangs up on Cavendish without listening to him and secondly and most importantly, in “Parks and Wreck”, not only does he cut Dakota again but he also goes from “I’m 100% listening to what you want to tell me” to “Sorry I’m too busy” in like 5 seconds. Bob Block doesn’t care about them. He isn’t being nice. He’s a condescending ass who borderline gaslight them by pretending to be nice.

Another thing that I’d like to discuss about him is the fact that I’m seriously doubting that he’s related to Mr. Block, which is not reassuring because it would mean that he somehow learned about time travel and time agents etc. But yeah, about the relation with Block : Thing is, Mr. Block is at the head of B.O.T.T. and one of the judges of whatever their court system is. So in other words, he knows about the rules better than anyone. And while he does seem a bit immature at times and in canon went back in time to watch a movie he missed, I don’t feel like going back to meet his ancestors is something he’ll do ? I mean, we know that “don’t cross your own timeline” is a pretty big rule for time agents, and in “A Christmas Peril”, Block seems genuinely surprised to see his future self, which makes me think that he doesn’t do this kind of time-travel much. Also, if he’s willing to go back in time to meet his ancestors, why doesn’t he go back to buy pistachios ? So yeah, I know this is all speculation and for all I know he could have gone back in the past but there’s just something about his character and the situation that makes me go “would he tho ?”.

Also, while I completely agree that it can be possible, I’m a bit surprised about the fact that the family managed to keep the same last name for over 120 years. Like, did every generation had sons ? I know it’s entirely possible but would it happen here ? Or were there daughters who kept their last name after getting married ? Did Block really go back in time to meet his ancestors, leading to them wishing to keep the last name ? As for the physical appearance, aside from the hair, they don’t really have anything in common but it’s expected given the number of years between the two.

One last thing about Bob Block : In “Abducting Murphy’s Law” (you know, the episode that’s supposed to be the main focus of this post), there’s that moment with the character “Toodles” and I genuinely wished I had something to say about this moment, especially with the “I need to look like I’m going somewhere” line but I have no idea how to interpret it (and it’s frustrating honestly). So yeah, this line is here and it’s weird but I don’t know what to do about it.

Now, onto the actual episode (this will be cut in different parts to make it easier on the read, especially for those who wish to read it but can’t take it all at once. So yes, this post is literally an actual essay) :

I. Dakota’s side

1. Emotional support

So in the first two scenes, Dakota does what he always does. I’ve mentioned it in this long-ass post but when Cavendish gets frustrated or angry, Dakota has a tendency to act more laid-back and chill as a counterpoint. I think a good example of that is at the end of “Walker, Runner, Screamer”.

During the entire episode, Dakota looks annoyed or unhappy and yet, in that scene, he’s suddenly smiling. And it’s something that he does throughout the entire show, as if it was his way of “soothing” Cav. And in “Abducting Murphy’s Law”, that’s what he does at first. If you notice, when Cavendish gets angry after Block’s call and throw that metallic pick-up thing on the ground, Dakota closes his eyes for a good second. And when he reopens them, he starts talking about his lunch, going back into his laid-back role as if to try calming Cav down. This is also what he does after his rant a few seconds later, when he immediately offers food to Cavendish after said rant.

And speaking of that rant, I have a few things to say about it. First off, I do believe that Cavendish needed to hear that. Yes, it hurt his feelings, but given what happens during the rest of the episode, it does feel like Cavendish needs a reality check. Also reminder that this is the man who spent years dying ever so often; and on the island, some Dakotas look older than the one we follow in the show. So you’d think that after knowing about all these deaths, he’ll try to be at least a bit more careful. So yeah, while Dakota could’ve phrased things differently, I feel like this is something Cavendish needed to hear at some point.

Secondly, I can understand why Dakota would rant like that. Ever since the beginning of season 2, Cavendish has been complaining about his new job, ever more than the pistachios mission (for which Dakota also didn’t seem really satisfied, given how he easily follows through with Cavendish in “Time Out” and how he complains at the beginning of “Perchance to Sleepwalk”.). And when Cavendish complains, there are a few times like in “Disco Do-Over” or “Walker, Runner, Screamer” in which Dakota doesn’t seem to be very happy having to deal with Cavendish’s mood. Also, keep in mind that we see the duo like every three episodes and that just because they aren’t on screen doesn’t mean that they aren’t working. So for at least a month, given how each “show season” takes place during an “earth season” (if that makes sense), Dakota had to deal with working a shit job with someone who’s constantly complaining about it.

I’d also like to point out that, in “Backwards to School Night”, the line about Dakota not wearing much on Sundays and Cavendish not knowing about it hints that they don’t live together in the future. So that “constant roommates” situation could be new to them; and given how little they probably earn, it’s understandable that they’d rather keep this small “apartment” and share rent rather than splitting to go live in a different place each. In other words, Dakota doesn’t really have much choice but to live with Cavendish and hear him talk about saving the world everyday. Given all that, I’m honestly not that surprised that Dakota ended up snapping and giving Cav a piece of his mind. His patience was bound to run out at one point.

Side note : I’m not saying that Dakota is an easy person to live with compared to Cavendish. Honestly, they probably argued about money at some point due to Dakota’s eating habits and the fact that neither of them seems to know how to cook, so they have to eat out every day. I’m just saying that Cavendish is seen always complaining about his job and Dakota most likely hears him complain much more than we do. And no matter how much you like someone, hearing them say the same things over and over again get tiring. And besides, the argument could work in the opposite direction too. Maybe Cav is tired of Dakota never taking everything seriously; but much like Dakota, he can’t just buy his own place and live alone easily.

Thirdly, I’d like to comment on this face :

Two things to say about this face. First, the most obvious, he’s sad for Cavendish. If the whole “being chill when Cav is angry” is any indicator, Dakota doesn’t like seeing Cavendish be sad or miserable. Besides, this guy didn’t spend years saving Cavendish and trying to always be by his side just to destroy his self-esteem later on.

Secondly, I can’t help but feel like Dakota is also thinking of his own emotions here. As said before, Dakota isn’t very happy with his new job either, as we clearly see in “Walker, Runner, Screamer” (I swear mentioning this episode is turning into a drinking game). While he’s still cheerful from time to time, he went from having a lazy smile as a resting face in season 1 to having a more neutral or tired expression.

But at the same time, Dakota doesn’t really express his frustrations, most likely because Cavendish is much more vocal than him and he’d rather help Cavendish with his emotions than work on his own, like a “you have enough frustration for the both of us” kind of way. After all, we see in season 1 that he tends to shut down and keep to himself, which led to all his frustration in the argument of “A Christmas Peril”, since he wasn’t able to tell Cav why his lack of consideration was making him so angry, especially when Cavendish calls him selfish.

So here, it feels like Dakota isn’t just feeling shitty because Cavendish feels shitty but he’s also dropping his mask and showing more of his emotions, here the fact that he isn’t happy about his current life either. But unlike Cavendish, he’s able to go with the flow and find some contentment in the smaller things.

Now, about the scene at P.I.G.’s office : For the “support” part, there isn’t that much to say. When Block turns Cavendish down and the guy starts feeling bad, Dakota goes back to his supporting role. In a way, he’s acting like in season 1. Except that this isn’t season 1 and he can’t time-travel anymore. So when Cav starts talking about breaking the rules and risking their jobs, Dakota immediately considers his words a mistake and try to stop Cavendish from thinking too much about it.

2. Opposition

So I’m going to cover a part of the last two scenes at P.I.G. . First off, the scene in the computer room. At the beginning, Dakota seems still pretty encouraging with how he reminds Cavendish of what he said about what the ship looks like. But quickly, he starts to make Cavendish doubt himself.

What’s really interesting though is Dakota’s phrasing. When he starts talking to Cav, he says “Maaayybe I suppose but are you really sure you saw what you saw ? I mean…” and then goes on with the reasons why Cavendish might have imagined it. But about that quote, what I find interesting is the amount of incertitude he puts there with the “maybe”, “I suppose”, “are you sure”. It really feels like Dakota is trying to discourage Cavendish from looking for the ship while at the same time trying to stay on his good side by doubting him but not too much. This actually makes me wonder if such a situation happened before, hence why Dakota tries to stay on Cav’s good side.

Side note : “This isn’t my running tracksuit, this is my eating tracksuit!”, he says as if his tracksuits weren’t all eating tracksuits.

Then there’s the scene in the armory. First off, this face :

He keeps that same expression throughout the entire moment, both when watching Cavendish and the guard, and I don’t know how to interpret it, which is frustrating. My best guess is that Cavendish seems in better spirits, which reassures him or something like that. Or maybe the fact that Cavendish still wants to hang out with him to try finding the ship makes him think that Cavendish won’t ghost him. Really, I don’t see why he would smile like that only to start being frustrated again ten seconds later.

As for the argument in the armory; here I’m not going to talk about the main parts of the argument but a few things that Dakota says. Firstly, he again seems to try being on Cavendish’s good side with him saying “I believe that you believe”, though this isn’t enough to convince Cavendish. He also says “maybe we shouldn’t touch those” (not a direct quote) instead of just saying “we can’t touch those” or something like that. So again, he��s more into the “maybe you’re right maybe you’re wrong” area of the argument.

Secondly, I find the line “We’re stuck here. We live here now” really interesting. Like for at the beginning of the episode, this seems like Dakota showing more of his feelings. The way he says “we’re stuck here” first before catching himself and saying “we live here” shows again that he’s not happy with his current situation. Heck, it also means that he’s not just unhappy about the job but also being forced to live in a different time period than his, given that he says “stuck”. So yeah, he’s not happy about the situation and tries to hide it to make Balth his priority.

Thirdly, there’s this expression when he leaves the room and tries to follow Cavendish :

(He looks like a kicked puppy I’m-)

So, when Cavendish leaves the room, he leaves behind an angry Dakota. And yet, barely a few seconds later, we see Dakota trying to follow Cav and his expression is filled with worry. This again makes me think that such a situation happened before, which would be why Dakota is so worried about not being at Cavendish’s side. Like, maybe at some point they had a mission that resulted in a terrible argument and Cavendish ended up trying to solve things alone, only to get injured or even die or something like that. And if something like that happened, that could explain why Dakota is now trying to convince Cavendish to stop looking for the ship without putting Cavendish against him and why he would look so worried when he realizes that he’s losing the battle; especially given how he can’t time-travel now. But again, this is all a complete speculation here. We have no concrete proof that such a thing happened before.

And since we’re on the topic of Dakota trying to be gentle in his approach : I’d argue that Dakota actually believes Cavendish when he says that he saw a ship. This is due to four reasons :

- They’ve been time-travelers for a while and probably saw a lot (just the “milk to death line”. Whatever this is, Dakota saw some shit.); the same way they met aliens a few episodes before this one. So seeing a spaceship wouldn’t be the most surprising thing in the world (Heck, P.I.G. literally has a computer showing all kind of ships they discovered; also the duo once went on the moon given the montage in “Island of the Lost Dakotas”).

- When they’re talking to Bob Block, the boss asks Dakota if he saw the abduction, and while Dakota says no, he starts saying “But if he says he saw it” before getting interrupted by Block.

- In the armory, when Dakota says “I didn’t saw what you saw but I believe that you believe and that’s” before getting interrupted. This line kind of gives off the impression that he does believe in Cavendish and so believe that Cav saw a ship. Though the “I believe that you believe” can definitely be seen as him not really believing him, just like with Cavendish saying “it’s like saying ‘I believe you’re hallucinating’ “

- In the scene when Cavendish leaves, Dakota says “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you in the way that you wanted me to.”. The fact that he adds the “in the way that you wanted me to” again gives the impression that he does think that Cavendish saw a spaceship. It’s just that Cav expects more than just a “I believe that you saw it”.

So overall, there’s the possibility that Dakota does believe in Cavendish. Honestly, the only thing that seems odd is the fact that Dakota doesn’t want to go and try to save the abductee. Though, given the fact that they’re risking their jobs and given the possibility of such a situation happening before, paired with Dakota’s fears for Cavendish’s life and the fact that he can’t time travel anymore, meaning that all of his actions have consequences; I guess it does make sense to some extent that Dakota doesn’t want to save the abductee. He worries more about Cavendish being alive and safe, especially now that he can’t go back. However, I’ll admit that the way Dakota just brushes off the possibility of someone being abducted and in danger does feel out of character. Although, watching “The Substitute” again, the two did leave the classroom without trying to do anything to help the kids against the blob; so honestly I don’t know.

This all leads us to the last part for Dakota :

3. The evolution throughout the scenes

So as I said, Dakota starts off trying to be supportive of Cavendish by being reassuring, but as Cav starts to be more and more absorbed by the idea of proving the ship exists, Dakota starts to distance himself from him by trying to convince him to stop looking. And then comes the last scene, in which all Dakota can do is try to convince Cavendish to stay with him.

Honestly, thinking about this scene, it feels like Dakota already knows that he lost the fight. When he asks “you say that sarcastically ?”, he just sounds tired. Also, there’s how his way of talking changes in the episode. At first, in the computer room, he tries to use facts to convince Cav to stop looking for the ship, talking about how there was some sunlight or how Cavendish got worked up. Then, during the argument on the armory, it’s kind of the same, although the facts that he gives are much more personal this time around with how he mentions that it’s a question of how their actions now have consequences and he can’t just fool around anymore.

Then, during the last scene at the “apartment”, he doesn’t even try to argue about the ship aside from his apology. Instead, he mentions his partnership with Cav and how they’re always able to talk things through, which actually reminds me of how in the scenes when they’re in private they act differently than in public, making it seem like they do communicate quite a lot by dropping their defenses around each other and vent to each other. Heck, the way Dakota says in this episode “We talk it out, we’re a team” really gives off the impression that yes, Cavendish and Dakota do talk things out when they have a big argument. And that’s what Dakota wants to do in this scene. He just wants the two of them to sit down and talk it out; no more running away, no more argument.

But yeah, in this scene, it’s not about the ship. It’s about Cavendish staying with him. And honestly, it feels like something that can be applied to how Dakota is throughout the entire episode. All he seems to care about is if Cavendish is going to stay with him or ghost him. Again, it kinds of falls into the idea that a similar situation happened before.

One last thing that I’ve written down is the fact that Dakota sutters while trying to convince Cav to stay in that last scene. But after watching a few of the previous episodes, Dakota actually has a tendency to sutter when he gets anxious or nervous. As a few examples : the ending of “A World Without Milo” at the beginning of his talk with Elliot, the crossover episode when Cav learns about the island, several scenes in “Escape” (Dakota’s such a mess in this episode).

So that’s all for my breakthrough of Dakota’s part in this episode. Overall, he seems like he just wants to be with Cavendish, and for some reason seems to believe him while at the same time not trying anything to help the abductee. He’s protective, most likely due to the trauma of seeing Cavendish die over and over again for years. In short, that man has some issues that the show should really consider mentioning if season 3 comes around. But I will discuss more about these issues in my second post on the topic.

Now, onto Cavendish :

II. Cavendish’s side

1. Insecurities and evolution before this episode

So let me get this out of the way first : Cavendish is a very insecure guy, and what happened in “Abducting Murphy’s Law” was bound to happen at some point. We see glimpses of it in “Time Out” and “Abducting Murphy’s Law” seems to revolve around it : Cavendish is a guy who seems to have a pretty low self-esteem and who tries to hide it in his way to act all professional and “know-it-all/all-mighty”. We see it in how easily he gets sad in “Time Out” when realizing that his job barely matters, and we also see it when he’s in private with how soft he becomes. Just look at how, at the beginning of the Halloween special, he very easily agrees to follow Dakota’s plan and only calls Dakota a “meanie” for steaking stuff, which contrasts with his “Doughty snackhound” from “We’re Going to the Zoo”. He also shows his anxiety in “Snow Way Out” and is very soft and calming in “Perchance to Sleepwalk”.

So yeah, his attitude outside is more of an act than anything, though I’m not denying that he also gets grumpy because that’s a side of his personality (I wish I had any artistic talent so I could draw Cavendish with John Mulaney’s “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting !”, including John talking about his wife after this line).

So all this to say that Cavendish is insecure. And because of those insecurities, he feels the need to prove himself. He wants to be a hero, he wants to feel like a hero, but he also wants others to see him as a hero. Again, “Time Out” shows it well with how quickly he gets obsessed at the possibility of a counter-agent working against him, nevermind the fact that it’s a literal child.

And we see it even more in season 2. Every episode, he complains about how shitty his life became and how unfair it is. In particular, there’s the episode “Free Fall”, his last appearance before “Abducting Murphy’s Law”. In “Free Fall”, he seems even more fed up than usual about his job, and when a drone attacks him, he’s immediately happy that someone, anyone, noticed him. The ending of this episode actually makes me feel sad for him. He’s just so desperate for something good to finally happen to him; and he does deserve better than that. It’s just sad.

It also feels like he’s starting to distance himself from Dakota during the first half of season 2. By that, I mean that they don’t have as much interactions as they did in season 1, which was full of their banter (which is what made them so entertaining to watch). Heck, in “Milo’s Shadow”, Cavendish is shown alone, without Dakota. And in this episode, Cav tries to tell others about the aliens and get some people concerned about it.

Also, he clearly tries to impress the others when telling his story, even if he doesn’t consider them much. As for the other episodes, Cavendish and Dakota are mostly concerned over their mission and as such aren’t seen interact much, aside from like the beginning of “Lady Krillers”; which is a bit of a shame considering how their interactions are the best thing about their plot (but I already have another post ready that talks about season 2 and its issues so I won’t rant about it here).

So in short, Cavendish is desperate for good things to happen to him. He’s desperate to prove himself, he’s desperate to have other people take him seriously for once, he’s desperate to have a better life than that. During the first half of the season, it feels like this is what they were trying to show. And it all culminates in “Abducting Murphy’s Law”.

2. His evolution throughout the episode

So I’m going to do one big part here, going scene by scene.

Parking-lot scene :

So, in the first scene, Cavendish is the same as in previous episodes. He’s not satisfied with his job and wishes for more, in particular recognition for his previous actions in season 1. He’s (rightfully honestly) having a hard time accepting that this is all he gets, and when Dakota gives him a reality check, it only makes him feel worse.

Then there’s the encounter with Scott. This one’s pretty interesting. Alright so first off, it seems that Cavendish considered what both Dakota and Scott told him and decided to try and stop sulking, trying to see a more positive side of his situation. Though, it’s very interesting how he says “but how ?” right before seeing the UFO. In a way, it also really shows the difference of mentality between him and Dakota. Dakota has accepted that this is all he’ll get, and while he’s not happy about it, he decides to try seeing the good in smaller things. Cavendish on the other hand doesn’t seem to be able to do the same. Heck, when Dakota does it at the beginning of the episode, Cavendish sees it as Dakota lacking ambition; which in itself isn’t actually wrong since Dakota really doesn’t seem to want much from life aside from having fun and being with Cav.

Then, there’s also the line “Loss can lead to new adventures”. What I love about this is how, when we start the episode, the “loss” is more about how Cav is feeling. I mean, even Cavendish says that he needs to stop sulking after hearing this sentence. But then we watch the end of the episode and suddenly “Loss can lead to new adventures” has a brand-new meaning. And ouch. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it, but still, ouch. Though, to be honest, I do wonder if at some point during the episode, Cavendish realized that “loss” could also mean leaving Dakota behind. Honestly tho if Cavendish repeated the sentence during the separation it would have been some amazing angst. But I’m getting off-topic.

Afterwards, there’s the abduction. When Cav sees it, he reacts exactly like he did at the end of “Time Out” and “Free Fall” : he gets excited and touchy, ignoring what Dakota says as he’s too taken from seeing this as a new opportunity to prove himself worthy of a better life. Thinking about it, it’s actually both funny and sad how he seems to care more about people seeing the ship and promoting him than the fact that someone was straight-up kidnapped by aliens (what’s up with Cavendish and Dakota not caring about people’s lives in this episode ? Though, given how they were in early season 1, I guess they just don’t care for the people they don’t know, do they ?).

Though, Cavendish mostly thinking about a promotion does fit his character. Again, he’s now desperate for recognition. In the spun of the moment, it isn’t about someone getting abducted, it’s about him being a hero again.

One last thing that I want to mention, mostly because I don’t really know where to put it otherwise : some scenery regarding Cavendish and Dakota at the end of the scenes. Every single scene with the two of them in this episode ends with Cavendish leaving the frame without Dakota, with Dakota trying to follow him in the first and second scene. Then, starting with the computer room scene, Dakota is left behind, the first time by his own volition as he’s starting to be less and less able to follow with Cavendish’s mindset and get angry about it, then left behind because Cavendish is too far gone into his ideas and prevents Dakota to stay with him, no matter how much Dakota tries to follow him, desperate to set things right. That’s all I have to say about how the characters move into the frames, but I found that to be a very interesting detail.

The P.I.G. desks + the computer room scenes :

Like for Dakota, I don’t have much to say about the second scene. Bob Block doesn’t believe Cavendish in the slightest (and is being a condescending smartass about it; god I hate this guy. He’s great as a character but my god I hate him as a person) and it leaves Cavendish sad and disappointed. But then, Dakota tries to cheer him up, which only prompts Cavendish to try acting against his boss’ wishes. It’s like I said earlier : they have the same mentality as in season 1 in which ignoring the rules had little to no consequences aside from a slap on the wrist, leading them to do what they wanted.

But here, this isn’t season 1 and their actions have consequences. Dakota had realized that and tries to call Cavendish off his goal, but Cavendish is too excited to listen to him. This is the same structure as “School Dance” or “The Little Engine that Couldn’t” in which Cavendish gets his mind set on something. And in these two episodes, Dakota simply follows him without complaining. Heck, in “School Dance”, when the kids confront them about the whole “vampire” business and say “We know what you’re up to”, Dakota replies “Really ? Cause I barely know” which shows that, in this episode, he basically blindly follows Cavendish around, not caring enough about his job to object when Cav wants to do something that goes against what their boss want.

So, because of how they were in season 1, Cavendish is used to act when his mind is set on something. And he’s also used to have Dakota follow him, which might explain why he sounds like he’s taking Dakota’s objections in this scene like a joke. After all, Dakota always let him have his way, even when he disagreed with it. So why should it be different this time around ?

In a way, Cavendish has a certain disconnect, not really realizing the consequences of his actions. I guess that may be due to his previous job or the fact that, with Dakota secretly protecting him all the time, it never occurred to him how badly things can turn out.

One last thing for this scene, about the dialogue with Block and Cav mentioning the need to save the abductee : it’s again a bit unclear whether Cavendish wants to save them because they’re a person in danger or if he’s only thinking about people discovering that he was right and making him a hero. Though, looking back at his facial expression, he does seem genuinely concerned for the person (and I’m actually starting to wonder how he would’ve reacted had he known that the abductee was Milo).

As for the computer scene, again, not much to say. It’s Cavendish focusing on the task he wants to accomplish while Dakota’s just there to be there. Again, we see Cavendish be too obsessed with his task to pay mind to Dakota’s objections. We also see him get irritated when Dakota objects, though not as much as later on, as if he could tell that Dakota wasn’t truly believing him but at the same time thinks that Dakota will keep following and supporting him.

Side note : Seeing Cavendish knowing how to use a computer feels really weird. Like, I know he’s from the future so obviously he knows how technology works without any problem, but this is a guy who walks around with an 1850s outfit and who keeps using outdated expressions. So seeing him use a computer just doesn’t feel right.

The armory scene :

Now we get into the juicy part.

Alright so first off, a side note : “I am a naughty boy !” Cavendish, buddy, please don’t ever say something like that again ! Although it’s pretty adorable to see that dork feeling like such a gangster after “breaking” one rule (I mean, he was allowed in by the guard so it’s not really breaking the rules).

Secondly, like in the first scene at the beginning of the episode, when talking about saving the abductee, he seems more focused on the fact that he’s a hero who needs to save the world. It really gives off the impression that he doesn’t care that much about what happened to this person. He just wants validation and uses the current circumstances to do so. Again, this is just sad (I swear making this analysis is starting to make me feel really bad for Balth).

Thirdly, the line “Come on, partner !”. At first, I thought Cavendish was trying to convince Dakota to help him by reminding him of how close they are. But thinking about it again, I can’t help but see it as Cavendish trying to convince himself that Dakota will help him. I mean, he definitely noticed that Dakota wasn’t ok with what he was doing, no matter how oblivious he seems to be to Dakota’s objections. But up until now, Dakota had a tendency to just shrug it off and follow. So seeing him be so insistent now may have made Cav realize that maybe Dakota won’t follow through this time. So he tries to convince himself that Dakota will come through for him, because they’re partners.

Fourthly, the argument itself. When Dakota starts to interject more seriously, Cavendish reminds him of the obvious : that, when they were time-travelers, Dakota couldn’t care less about the rules. But things are different for them now, actions have consequences, and Cavendish doesn’t seem to truly grasp that. Heck, after Dakota argues that they have responsibilities to keep, Cavendish immediately points the finger at him with the “You don’t believe me” line, which completely changes the direction of the argument. Seriously, Dakota was talking about how they needed to follow the rules to survive in this new time-period and Cavendish starts talking about something that has nothing to do with what Dakota just said. Although, given that these two have known each other for at least like 10 years or so, given how much Cav changed from his design in “First Impressions”, I guess him changing the topic like that might be due to him knowing Dakota well enough to understand that, when Dakota objects to him like that, it’s because there’s a lack of trust there.

As for the rest of the argument, I guess this is mostly Cavendish’s desperation and obsession that are speaking. I mean, Cavendish is never taken seriously by anyone aside from Dakota. So here, when Dakota doesn’t support him like he expected him to, this is probably the last straw for him. He isn’t willing to listen to Dakota’s excuses, cutting him mid-sentence. And if Dakota’s face is any indicator, he can clearly tell that Cav doesn’t want to listen and that he’s losing the battle.

Cavendish has made up his mind. He knows what he saw, he knows that aliens are on earth, kidnapping people; and if nobody, not even Dakota, is willing to listen to him, then he’ll have to prove them all himself, no matter the cost.

The ‘leaving’ scene :

Then comes the last scene, with Cavendish packing his bags. Again, he isn’t willing to listen to Dakota. He made up his mind and he’s determined to find the UFO. As he says it himself when Dakota tries to apologize : “It’s too late for that”.

Though, as I’ve seen mentioned in a fic that was basically an analysis of that last scene, we do have Cavendish leave a teddy bear behind. The bear wasn’t on the couch when he was packing, so it’s likely that he felt genuinely bad for ditching Dakota and decided to leave a plush behind to keep him company.

Also, a thing that I keep bringing up in my fics : I truly don’t think that Cavendish wanted to leave forever. I mean, he probably only took the essentials in the bag he used; he probably has much more than that stuff. Also, I highly doubt that he would wish to never see Dakota again. Heck, in “Escape”, when they reunite, Cavendish is pretty nonchalant about the whole thing, as if he expected to see Dakota again. Overall, it’s more that he thinks that Dakota’s going to try to stop him or slow him down since he doesn’t really believe in him, so he wants to do this rescue alone.

And one last thing regarding Dakota : the whole “It’s safer for you to stay here”. I find this line really interesting. Because thing is, no it’s not safer. Cavendish doesn’t go alone to protect Dakota, he does it to prove a point, to prove that he’s right and everyone else is wrong. But thing is, Cav already has some pretty low self-esteem, and accepting the fact that he’s being selfish by leaving wouldn’t help with it. Also, as I’ve mentioned in my long-ass “fun facts about these two” post, when Cavendish is in a situation that’s possibly dangerous, his first reflex is almost always to worry about Dakota’s well-being. So, in my interpretation, Cavendish knows that he’s being selfish by leaving like that and ghosting Dakota, so he tries to tell himself to leave by convincing himself that he’s leaving the guy behind to protect him; because there’s nothing more important to him than Dakota’s safety, so it’s much easier on the mind to tell himself that he’s doing it for Dakota.

Aaaand that’s pretty much all for this analysis, which is already a lot to take in (12 pages. This entire post is 12 pages long. 11 without the pictures).

Thanks for reading !

#Milo Murphy's Law #mml #Abducting Murphy's Law #Vinnie Dakota #Balthazar Cavendish #mml spoilers #season 2 spoilers #Flor talks #aka infodump #A LOT #I wish I was good at montages #or didn't have a monotone voice #that way I could've made a video #instead of a wall of text #long post #VERY LONG POST #rogue arc

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outrebanx · 4 years ago

Text

pretend (pt.2)

JJ Maybank x female reader

Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: You cant stop thinking about JJ after spending time with him at the kegger, so you decide to seek him out.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: swearing, slight smut (if you squint), i think thats it?

A/N: i am not happy with this at all but im super tired and just wanted to post it so sorry in advance for the shitty writing - it also took longer than i wanted cos i didnt know where to go with the story so that was fun. Anyway i hope you like it (and feedback is always appreciated 🥺)

Tagging: @rudysbay @danicarosaline thanks for expressing interest in a second part 💙

You never thought that your mind would be occupied with JJ Maybank’s face as much as it had in the last week since the kegger you spent with him. To be honest it made you feel a little pathetic - it was one kiss and you were almost certain he wasn’t thinking about you as he literally is known for hooking up with girls and then not speaking to them.

The more you thought about him the angrier you got with yourself and your changing moods were becoming more and more obvious to your best friend Lily.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked from where she was lying on your bed.

“Nothing, why?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe it’s that you look like you’re about to rip that top you’re holding in half, you keep sighing and let’s not forget I can tell when you’re lying.” She smirked at you, knowing you had to tell her now.

“Fine,” You sighed, sitting on the bed next to her, “Remember the kegger we were at last week and how I spent it with that JJ guy?”

“Yeah?”

“Well I kinda want to see him again and I’m not sure if I’m being stupid because it was the first guy I ever really spent time with after Rafe and he’s hot but I don’t know, I feel stupid because he’s probably not given me a second thought.”

Lily grabbed your hand, “Babes, I love you but you’re a mess - you don’t know if he’s thought about you if you don’t ask, so stop torturing yourself.”

You nodded your understanding, “And so I think after our lunch today you should go and find him to ask then you’ll know .”

“I might.”

“No, you will, I’m gonna make you.” Lily laughed, jabbing your side with her finger.

———

Even if it was the most kooky thing to do, you and Lily often spent your time at the country club, either to eat or play golf with your dads, especially on a nice warm day like today.

The two of you had been there for around an hour just chatting constantly when a busboy came to clear up the table. You looked up to thank him but froze when you saw the face of JJ Maybank.

“JJ! Hi.”

He didn’t even acknowledge you, instead just finished picking up your glasses and left.

You turned to Lily, “Wow he really doesn’t give a shit about our fun evening then.”

She scowled at the back of him as he walked into the building, “What a dick.”

“Should I go and talk to him? Or is that a bad idea?”

“Yes you should, otherwise I’m going to talk to him and then possibly murder him as he’s hurting my best friend.”

You smiled as you rolled your eyes at her, “Please don’t.”

She stuck her tongue out at you as you stood up and followed JJ back into the building, hoping it wasn’t too upfront and that he would at least talk to you this time.

You saw him coming out the kitchen and shouted him over, he had a slight bit of annoyance written on his face but other than that nothing you could decipher.

“What do you want Y/N?” He asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Oh so you do know who I am,” you scoffed, “Why are you giving me such a cold shoulder? I thought we had fun.”

You were already regretting coming to talk to him, you were never this upfront or seemingly over-involved after spending a small amount of time with a guy, so it made you very uncomfortable.

“Yeah we had fun, but you’re a kook and I’m a pogue and as you said on the night we were just pretending, so what more is there?”

He began to turn to walk away when you reached out for his arm, “We might have been pretending but this week I’ve been wanting to see you again because I thought there could be something. Maybe I was wrong though.”

This time it was his turn to grab your arm as you turned away, and before you had time to speak, his lips were on yours. The kiss was nothing like you’d ever experienced, you could feel yourself melting into his arms, losing yourself in the kiss - he tasted like the sea and it was something you wanted to taste forever.

You broke apart, both smiling like idiots as you looked at each other, “That was-“ you began to say.

“A reason I shouldn’t have been such an asshole, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, and I wouldn’t mind making this a more common thing by the way.” You smiled at him.

“Well I’m on my break now so…” he offered his hand to you.

You giggled as you took it and he dragged you towards a more secluded corridor, pushing you against the wall and put his lips on yours, his hands on your hips as he deepened the kiss. You never wanted it to end - but you didn’t always get what you wanted.

“Huh so you weren’t annoyed at him for long then?” Lily joked from where she stood at the end of the corridor, arms folded as she took in the two of you.

You gave her the finger, not noticing the look on JJ’s face as he quickly moved away from you, putting his hands back in his pockets.

You gave him a questioning look, confused as to why he seemed nervous all of a sudden.

“It’s nearing the end of my break, I should, um probably go.” He pointed in the other direction and moved to head off.

You quickly pecked his lips, muttering to him “When are you free?”

“For you, anytime.”

You laughed, “you can always come to my house later, it’s easy to find.”

He grinned at you, “Will do princess.”

He had already turned away, luckily as he wasn’t able to see the blush that had spread across your cheeks at him calling you princess.

You couldn’t stop smiling, Lily raising her eyebrows at you as you walked towards her, “Damn girl I haven’t seen you like this in forever.”

“I haven’t felt like this in forever.” You admitted, the butterflies in your stomach still going crazy.

———

Sat at home that evening, you kept looking towards the door, hoping JJ would come round. Your parents weren’t home and you were an only child so there was no need to worry about any one bothering you.

There was a knock at the door, you quickly stood up and before opening it you checked yourself out in the mirror in the hall, you nodded to yourself and moved the handle. You were met with the shy smile of the blond boy, hands in his pockets like normal as he took in the size of your house.

“I’m surprised I haven’t mowed your lawn with a house this big.” He joked but you could tell it kind of bothered him, not that you knew what to say.

“Um, come in,” you stepped back allowing him to walk through the door then headed to the kitchen with him following you, “do you want a drink or something?”

“Nah I’m good thanks,” raising his eyebrows at the large glass of wine your poured yourself.

You sat in a comfortable silence just looking at each other, unsure of what to say.

“So,” he started, “do you surf?”

He did taste of the sea so you weren’t surprised this was one of the first things he asked about.

“I used to when I was younger but then my parents decided I needed ‘other, better hobbies’, so not really, but I do miss it.”

“When you’re free I’ll happily teach you how to again.”

You smiled at him, “holy shit I’d love that! I’ll probably make a complete fool of myself but at least it’d provide you with some entertainment.”

“And I’ll get to see you in a bikini.” He smirked

“Oh I look really good you’ll definitely like it.” You flirted back.

You chatted back and forth for hours, and at some point you two had moved to the living room where you were now sitting on his lap, slowly kissing each other, enjoying every second of it.

You were interrupted by a knock at the door, “What the fuck?” You say as you remove yourself from JJ’s embrace and go to see who it is - you were met with the last face you wanted to see, Rafe Cameron.

You held out your hand before he had the chance to speak, “Nope, fuck off Rafe I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Please Y/N I want to apologise.” He pleaded.

“I couldn’t give two shits about an apology because I don’t. care. about. you. That’s why we broke up and why I don’t want to have this conversation.”

You went to shut the door, only to be stopped by his foot.

“I still love you Y/N and no matter what you say I know you love me.”

In the corner of your eye you could see JJ stand up to come and see if you needed help, you shook your head to indicate him to stop - it would only make things worse if Rafe knew JJ was there.

“No I loved you Rafe. Past tense. You made me miserable and I still loved you for so long, but not anymore, so please go.”

He stepped back, “I will get you back Y/N.”

Slamming the door on his face you muttered, “Sure you will.”

You leant against the door for a second, even talking to him for a few minutes completely drained you, how did you date him for so long?

“Hey, you good?” JJ asked from where he leant against the doorframe of the living room.

You walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist, “Yeah I am now.”

Removing yourself from the hug, you patted his chest, “Right that’s enough of the heavy stuff, what do you want to do?”

He smirked at you as he pressed his lips against yours, instantly wiping the thoughts about Rafe out of your mind. He lifted you up so your legs could wrap around him, your hands behind his head as he led you back towards the sofa.

You were sat on his lap and as he moved his lips over your neck you moaned, wanting him to do more.

You blushed, “thank you, you’re not too bad yourself.”

He chuckled and moved to take off your shirt - you raised your arms to make it easier before moving back in to kiss him.

It ended being one of the best nights of your life, you were so glad you pretended to be with him that night at the kegger.

#for someone who does nothing all day im shATTERED #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank #jj x reader #jj maybank imagine #rudy pankow #outerbanks #outerbanks fic #outer banks #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #john b routledge #kiara carrera #pope heyward #obx #obx fic #outrebanx #outer banks imagine

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oureuphoria · 5 years ago

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Worst of You - JJK Final

You meet him under horrible circumstances but everything feels perfect when you’re with him. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. He, however, is a police officer with years worth of built-up turmoil and an inability to make attachments. Or “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy

Pairing: officer!jungkook X collegestudent!reader

Word count: 2,834

Warnings: None but let me know if you find me.

Note: I’m so sorry for the really late update BUT I had to finish my paper first! Wow, let me just say I am very, very, thankful to have such amazing, wonderful people who read this fic and I love each and every single one of you so so so much. Thank you for reading and thank you for allowing me to share this with you. This is just the beginning and I have many ideas that are yet to hit paper so this will not be goodbye. Once again, thank you to everyone for reading and I love you all!

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

Jungkook promised himself he wouldn’t get sad over you. He tried so hard to stop himself from getting attached and yet here he was, 2 weeks later, unable to focus on a single thing at work. Jungkook spent his entire Saturday moping around his apartment, he recalled how he used to spend Saturday nights, clubbing and one-night-stands, but now none of that appealed to him. You had ruined Jungkook, now he couldn’t even look at a girl the way he used to because he always thought of you instead. On Sunday he was invited out with his brother��s family, his niece and nephew were constantly asking about you and Jungkook couldn’t help but grow sadder each time. He didn’t know why he missed you, or how he even could miss you when he swore to himself he wasn’t attached. It was a Monday and Jungkook was at work again, staring at the same paper for 20 minutes with an empty head. Mel approached him with a coffee. “What’s wrong?” Jungkook gratefully took the cup from her hand as she sat on the chair in front of his desk, where you used to sit. Jungkook scolded himself mentally for thinking of you but no matter how many times he did it, his mind would come back to you.

Mel felt bad for what she did, it was eating her alive and yet she knew if she told him he’d never forgiven her, especially since he lost Y/N. She was jealous, unaware of the fact that her love for him wasn’t as platonic as she thought it was. It never bothered her before because he was alone but when he wasn’t, all her emotions came cascading upon her as she let her jealousy overrule her rationality. Jealousy was a horrible emotion that caused people to do reckless things, Jungkook knew it, Mel knew it and back at your dorm, you knew it too.

“I’m so stupid! I screwed it all up just because I’m an insecure, jealous little bitch!” You were angrily throwing pillows around as you ranted to Jimin who just came into your room to borrow your laptop charger. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure if you apologize he will understand.” You fell back onto your bed, sighing. “I tried. I called, I messaged, I even went to the station but the receptionist said he didn’t want to see me.” He softly stroked your head as you pouted at the ceiling, he was grateful you stopped crying but your anger was more annoying than your tears. “Make a grand gesture or something, like they do in the movies. You know, with the whole rocks on windows thing and the poetic love letters.” You grabbed one of the pillows you haphazardly threw and aimed it at him. “Except, I’m not 15, this isn’t a movie and he lives in a penthouse; I can’t throw rocks that far up, Jimin!” He threw the pillow back at you and soon enough it became a pillow war.

“Wait!” Jimin’s hand stopped midway through the air. “I have an idea!” Jimin looked at you weirdly but put the pillow down to listen. “What if I reverse ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ and write a letter about all the reasons he should forgive me?” Jimin looked at you blankly, not catching on. “Writing on paper is literally the only thing I’m good at, Jimin!” He smiled before rushing you to get ready while he left the room. Once Jimin was outside, he silently prayed that the letter would work, post-break-up Y/N was the worst Y/N.

“I know he doesn’t want to see me but could you just give this to him-” “Y/N!” Mel’s voice startled you, causing you to drop the letter. You quickly picked it up though in the process you gave yourself a paper cut. Perhaps it shouldn’t have been 4 pages long. “Y/N, I have to apologize about something.” Mel had explained that she had lied to you, and even went further to explain everything you were suspicious about with Jungkook, even covering his fears about his mother. You spoke for about 20 minutes before she told you he was upstairs, at his desk, on his lunch break. Although what she had told you was a lot to take in, you found that the only thing you could think about then was apologizing to Jungkook. You took the letter and zoomed upstairs with Mel’s permission.

The second Jungkook saw you he felt his eyes poke out of his head. He wasn’t expecting to see you, especially not with a huge smile on your face.

“Before you yell at me and tell me to leave, let me explain. Throughout my entire life, the only safe place I had was my mind and I’ve grown to live in it sometimes and despite my unhealthy attachment to it, it hates me. I overthink a lot and whenever I do my mind runs off to the worst possible scenario and my mind turns into pure chaos. It’s not an excuse because it doesn’t justify me accusing you of something you didn’t do and I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you first but you have to know it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with you. I understand if you don’t want to forgive me but you must accept this apology letter as a sign of my extreme remorse. It contains all the reasons why I believe you should forgive me because I am very, very bad at talking-” before you could finish your rambling, Jungkook interrupted you.

“Y/N, I’m busy, I don’t have time to read your letter right now.” Your smile fell, but you were persistent. “It’s okay I can read it out to you!” He shook his head, picking up the remains of his lunch and throwing it into his bin. You began reading it but he stopped you again “You should go.” You frowned, getting upset because this wasn’t going to plan and you didn’t have a plan B. “But I still have 4 pages left…” You looked like you were going to cry and Jungkook wasn’t sure he could handle it before anything else happened though, Mel interrupted.

“I lied to Y/N.” You looked up at her, shocked and confused because you could almost swear she wasn’t standing there before. “I lied to her about where you were that Friday, that’s why she thought you were cheating.” Jungkook’s face looked mad but his eyes looked hurt. He was betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust, and at that moment, he couldn’t bear to look at either of you. He ignored her confession, stood up and went on his way. “Wales. Hurry up, we have shit to do.” The man quickly picked up racing after he and Mel winced at the sight. “Poor Wales, he’s going to have to deal with the short end of the stick.” Your eyes went to her face, she wasn’t worried at all. “Aren’t you worried he won’t forgive you?” She smiled down at you before saying something that left you perplexed. “I hope he doesn’t.” She walked off right after leaving you with nothing but your racing mind. You grabbed a post-it-note off his table and wrote in all caps ‘PLEASE READ!!’ With a smiley face that followed, you stuck it onto the letter and left it on his desk.

Jungkook said he wasn’t going to read it, he swore to himself he wouldn’t but how could he not when the note you left alone had him missing you like crazy. Fuck it. He thought, picking up the letter angrily. Each and every word made him miss you more and it wasn’t until he read the very last reason you’d written that he realized he needed to see you. He got up quickly, it was already after hours and now that he was corporal he could basically dismiss himself. He said his farewells to the chief and drove to you as fast as (legally) possible. He didn’t go into your dorm building, he parked in front of it and leaned on his car staring at the establishment with an overactive mind. What if you didn’t want to see him? Then what? Jungkook messaged you to go outside and you read it instantly, after a couple of minutes he was worried you weren’t going to come.

Eventually, your small frame squeezed through the tiny opening of the door you managed to open, he remembered you always complaining about how the door was too heavy. “Did you read it?” He smiled at how cute you were, your optimistic eyes clearly hoped for a happy ending. He nodded and the smile you had been fighting back was beaming on your face. “Y/N, I hated it.” Your smile dropped, your face significantly sadder. “Why? Was there a typo? I was rushing so-” “You got the last reason wrong.” You furrowed your eyebrows, you remember faintly that the last reason had simply been you confessing your love to him, you didn’t understand what was wrong.

Jungkook was fishing through the pockets of his coat. “You wrote ‘Reason number 10: I love you. I know you’ve heard me say it before and I know you’re not quite there but I feel like it is a pivotal reason because I think you’re unaware of just how much I love you. P.S. it’s a lot.’ You nodded in reply, you had indeed written that but you weren’t sure what was wrong with it. “Y/N, you wrote that I didn’t love you but you are so terribly wrong.” You felt as if your heart had stopped beating and you were impatiently waiting for him to spit it out. “I love you, Y/N. I don’t know why but from that very first interrogation, I knew I had to get to know you. I’m not sure how I fell in love with you. Maybe it was your weird obsession with those cheese balls from the café that you stared at more than you ate, or your clumsiness that had you adorably tripping all the time, or how excited you got over a good report grade, or your kind, sweet, heart that forgives more than it should. You forgave me every time I screwed up and yet you didn’t expect anything from me. It’s been rough and we’ve both screwed up a lot, although I will admit it was mostly me, I realized that I would much rather exhaust myself fighting for you than rest with someone else.”

“That’s not fair!” Your voice broke in the middle of the sentence because you had started crying. Jungkook was quick to pull you into a hug. “No, baby, don’t cry. What’s not fair?” You spoke into his chest and although it was muffled it was still coherent. “How are you so good at talking?” He let out a chuckle but stopped laughing when you forced yourself out of his arms and started rubbing your cheek. “What’s wrong?” “Your vest hurt my face.” He apologized through laughter which you found mocking and he roughly pinched the cheek you were trying to soothe and you angrily slapped his hand away. “I missed you, princess.” “Well, I miss not having sore cheeks, you bully!” You were genuinely mad because the man you loved just told you he loved you back and all you could think about was how much your cheek hurt.

“But you promised!” You whined while pulling his unresponsive body back and forth. “Y/N, no.” He pulled you off of him out of annoyance but you couldn’t back down, not with so much at stake. “You promised that if I didn’t rant to you about the shows I was watching for a whole month then you would watch The Office with me!” Jungkook slowly put his laptop down on the coffee table and turned to you, holding both of your hands in his. “Baby, this may come as a shock to you but, I lied.” You sighed in frustration before angrily storming off to your room. Jungkook picked up his laptop to continuing working. Soon after he began to grow afraid of the fact that you may actually be mad at him so he put his laptop back onto the coffee table and slowly made his way to his room, he opened the door ever so slowly and peaked in to see you wrapped up in a blanket, frowning as you watched The Office on your TV.

Jungkook smiled and opened the door completely, violently unwrapping you from your self induced blanket burrito causing you to roll out off of the bed. “Oh shit, sorry.” You didn’t say a word, still evidently mad at him. “The silent treatment, over this?” Jungkook gestured at the screen looking unimpressed. “Excuse me, The Office is one of the most iconic sit-coms to ever be televised in the existence of sit-coms, you’re just uncultured.” Jungkook was having a dilemma, was he supposed to be glad you were speaking to him again or be mad over the fact that you had called him uncultured. “I just don’t understand the hype around sit-coms it’s basically the same situation over and over with different variables-” You slapped your hand onto his mouth to shut him up. “You already ruined Brooklyn 99 for me, keep this to yourself.”

After an entire year of being together, your dynamic was still yet to change. You both still acted like 12-year-old frenemies and madly in love adults simultaneously and you wouldn’t trade it for the world but in moments like such, the urge to strangle him was unbearable. “See this is why we can’t have nice things, Kook.” You folded your arms as you laid back onto the bed but Jungkook was committed to ensuring you didn’t go to bed angry. After several minutes of tense silence, the clock hit midnight and Jungkook whispered into your ear, “happy birthday, Y/N.” You tried to fight back a smile but you couldn’t no matter how hard you tried. You turned to him, smiling bitterly before whispering back, “Happy Anniversary, Jungkook.”

#jungkook #jungkook imagines #jungkook fic #jungkook smut #jungkook imagine #bts #bts fic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts smut

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gffa · 4 years ago

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Hi Lumi. Your blog is a blessing <3 I’ve got a question for you, just ignore if you don’t wanna answer: how do I work up the courage to block a follower of mine? They haven’t been rude to ME at all but they’ve been nasty to several friends of mine, and I’m worried if I block them they’re going to get mad and start saying that nasty shit behind my back about me and I won’t even be able to know if I need to defend myself because if I block them I can’t see what they say. And they’re a big name blog too so they could really *spread* whatever they say. But they’re actively causing me upset and pain and I don’t know what to do.

Hi! Oh, this is a very hard situation and I’m sorry that you’re going through it. Without knowing more specifics (ie, having a sense of who this person is or how they behave, beyond this message), here’s the best answer I can give: You’re going to have to do a lot of soul searching about what you want out of the experience vs what fandom will actually give you/not give you and, even harder, what you can tolerate in fandom. What I mean is, a few years ago, I had to answer this question for myself as well, that there were a lot of people who were making not-so-vague blogs about me constantly (despite that I had them blocked and never said much of anything about them at all!) and I would get a ton of people making really rude bad faith comments on my original posts. This went on for over a year, every day, and it really did a number on me--despite that it wasn’t harassment or anything, it did a lot to destroy my sense of trusting fandom to respect boundaries because of the sheer scale of the comments. It was hard work to get past the question of, “What do I want to do in this situation?” I wanted them to leave me alone! But they weren’t going to leave me alone. And it was so hard to look inward and ask, “You’ve done everything you can to set up those boundaries--aside from starting a major internet slap fight about it, which I wasn’t going to do--this is what fandom is like, you can’t change it. Do you want to continue on, knowing fandom is going to be Like That, or do you want to leave because the bad outweighs the good?” From here, it sounds like you can’t change the person that you’re worried about or their behavior. I’m assuming you’re not following them in return, do you think that you can just not follow them and ignore what they’re saying, and stick to that resolution, to not look at their posts? (This is a genuine question--some people can, some people can’t! It’s one we all often need to ask ourselves as honestly as we can, so we can understand what we’re realistically capable of doing/not doing.) Or unfollow people that reblog a lot of their ruder posts, so that you’re not seeing it? Or is the temptation to go look too strong? Ask yourself about what you would want to do in a situation where they said similar things about you--I don’t know what the rude comments are specifically about, is this something where you like something they don’t like, but you’re more low-key about it than your friends? If you blocked them, presumably they would know it was because of the same issue as your friends? And what would you want to do if they did say rude things about you? Would you want to defend yourself against them? Would you rather roll your eyes and keep doing your own thing? Would you prefer to talk to them directly? Would you prefer to reblog a post or comment in the replies? Are they the type who would respect keeping a discussion in tumblr messages or would they bring it up publicly? Again, these are all questions asked without judgement, but instead genuinely. Knowing that you can’t change other people, that they’re going to do what they’re going to do, what do you want to do about a potential crappy situation? If you’re willing to put up with them possibly saying rude things about you and can roll your eyes + move along, block them! If you would feel the need to defend yourself too much, then don’t block them and just make a promise to yourself (and ruthlessly stick to it) to not read their posts! If your friends are talking about it, blacklist the user’s name with Xkit or ask them not to talk to you directly about it, because it’s not something you can handle. Ask yourself if defending yourself against one rude comment that will blow over is worth potentially riling them up into a more active series of rude comments, what you want to do about this. It can be scary to deal with someone who has a big blog who also is rude to your friends, especially if they also have followers who are similarly aggressive. And it’s scary to think of how that kind of thing can spread so easily, to feel like you could be dogpiled. That’s something else you have to ask yourself honestly--is the possibility of getting dogpiled/getting hate spread about you something you can handle, even if you’d really rather not? Or is it something that causes you too much anxiety and so you need to just walk away from everything to do with this person, not blocking them, just pretending that they’re not there? I’ll give you some advice about my own situation, though, of course, I can’t know how similar our situations are or aren’t: Often times our fears of getting sucked into on-line arguments are worse than they actually are. While thinking these things through will hopefully help you figure out your path, the majority of the doom scenarios in our heads aren’t going to come to pass. Do your friends that get nasty comments about them have to deal with the rest of fandom being shitty as well or is it just that this person is an annoying nettle? As someone who has a lot of rude comments thrown my way, I chose to by and large ignore them because I don’t see any good coming of acknowledging them and I find arguing in bad faith to be exhausting. I block anyone who gets too aggressive on my posts, I leave open the option to contact me on another blog if anyone wants to ask about why/talk it out (mirkwoodings for anyone reading this who wants to reach out) and promise not to bite their head off or anything, but otherwise, I’m not going to change them, they’re not going to change me, I had to figure out what I’m willing to put up with vs what I wanted to defend against vs what the specifics of that would look like and if I wanted to put up with that. And most of the time, for me, the answer was, “It’s an internet slap fight about Star Wars oh my god I can’t think of a more obnoxious way to spend a day than to actually argue about it with someone.” (Meta in a good faith discussion is not the same thing! That I love! XD) For other people, that answer is going to be different, they’re going to want to defend themselves back, and that’s just as reasonable and valid for them, as a way to handle the situation. Sometimes I think this fandom needs more pushback against people who are rude and nasty to other people over made up space stories. But ultimately all of this wasn’t as bad as the doom scenario I could see in my head. Most rude comments are ignorable, I’m not getting harassed directly, and sometimes I get exhausted by the fandom, but for the most part there are so many wonderful people here that make it worthwhile, so I just keep ignoring the rude comments and go back to what I like. It sounds like you really want to block the person--is it because you don’t want them near your content? because they’re commenting on your posts? because you want to make a firm decision about cutting them off? How much do you feel obligated to weigh in versus how much do you feel you can ignore them? Where do you fall on what you can live with, knowing their likely reactions, on that scale? Ask yourself these questions and figure out what you can live with two weeks from now, a month from now, six months from now, rather than what you desperately want to do right in the moment. Will you be satisfied with Getting Into It, when you look back on an argument six months from now? Or will you wish you’d ignored it because it wasn’t worth the time and result? I wish I had more clear-cut answers for you, because it’s a nebulous, murky situation and I don’t know the specifics enough to say whether or not they might get nasty with you or how much you might be likely to be a target of them. I’m sorry for your pain and upset, you have my heartfelt sympathies, it’s horrible to be in that situation, when you just want something to stop and it feels like it’s going to follow you, no matter what you do, all over something so ridiculous as fandom. (And if I’m missing some important context or what have you or if you need a more specific bit of advice or just want to talk about it more, feel free, and I hope you can find what will make you feel the most comfortable in this fandom. *offers hugs*)

#Anonymous #lumi.txt

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