#so in the tags it is
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i thought everyone else just thought i was kind of a wimp for not dealing with the pain as well as they did
Growing up with family members who were also autistic or had other disabilities, some of them confirmed, some of them not, that really was exactly what I felt. That I was just not handling the pain.
Except, I discovered, growing older, they had in fact suffered for it whenever they handled the pain "well," because it wouldn't stop them from becoming exhausted and it wouldn't stop them from becoming stressed.
My family will occasionally characterize that I've become less of an inconsiderate ass. And they're right! I am! Because I started keeping track of everything that hurt me! And I started avoiding those things (or using assistive devices to reduce the specific sensation that is painful)!
I started wearing noise-cancelling headphones to dinners out, to the movie theater, to public events. And all of a sudden, I stopped being "too tired" and "needing to take a nap" (sleep being the only thing my family considers sacrosanct, it was always the thing I claimed if I wanted to get out of something).
But the people I know who were taught that it doesn't matter if you're in pain, that you're just supposed to withstand it and move on? They're "grumpy." They get irate. They'll start snapping, even if they don't mean to. But they'll do it! They'll power through! And then be told to fuck off because they're being an asshole, which is the only point when they'll get the time away from the Situation to cool off.
I didn't put two and two together for years that pain makes you irate, but boy when I did…
one of the things that makes autism a disability (and why some of us choose to label it as such rather than an “alternate neurotype”) is the stress.
part of autism is just being incredibly stressed. overstimulation? stress. holding a conversation? stress. something happening to our schedule? stress. people talk about how often autism is recognized and diagnosed via our stress responses (like meltdowns) because it is just so common to see autistic people stressed because of lack of accommodations to how our brains work.
and this matters because stress kills. stress causes a lot of health issues, or it can trigger pre-existing ones by making certain chronic conditions flare up. i once had a psychiatrist very unhelpfully tell me i “just need to manage my stress” when the stress i was describing was things i could not avoid in neurotypical society and can’t “just get over”. i can do “self care” all i like but i cannot at the very base level change the way my brain inputs information and reacts accordingly.
#unfortunately that all being said#when the situation calls for me to do something that's Sensory Hatred i will still do it#i just tend to warn people nowadays that I WILL be an ass while doing it.#(this is why I tend to do those things solo.)#because I WILL be experiencing Bad Sensation and it WILL make me stressed and I WILL keep going anyway#i really do try not to do that particularly often however because it is tiring.#There was a commonality connection that I wanted to make between physical disabilities here#but i wasn't sure if that would be too off topic#so in the tags it is#which is that I've also seen family with physical disabilities keep going through their physical limits and exhausting themselves#for the sake of getting the things done#and getting annoyed with me whenever i would “quit” early#because i was exhausted and recognized i was exhausted#but instead of everyone doing the rational thing and pacing ourselves they had everyone including themselves push forward#which always always always resulted in them being bedridden for days afterwards#when I eventually got a hang of pacing myself and I enforced that pacing they felt obligated to also take breaks at the same time i was#and it turned out that they did Not keep getting bedridden when we did that#(low key pissed about the fact that they never apologized for yelling at me when i was a kid)#(but let's ignore that)
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the queen of the disco or whatever
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#scary-oke#zombie#zombie stan#idk if that's a tag whatever#anyway i was on the fence on posting this bc i think i might hate it but i put a good deal of time into it so you get it anyway SHUT UP!!!!!#k bye#disappearing back into my cave#mods art#mods draws#my art
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compilation of this type of post
edit: idk how much this is gonna do but since making this post i got covid and need some help, please consider it
#juno.txt#'k smog and batboy caught flipping a grunt' and 'is chep a brambles company' get me so bad every fucking time#actually preemptively putting this in my fav tag just cuz they make me laugh so much#fav
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Knowledge Revenge.
#dungeon meshi#chilchuk tims#senshi#Somewhat of an unofficial sequel to the Dragon Comic. I promise I have more versatility in my jokes. I just had to take this opportunity.#Senshi is pretty much a recluse. I think he would know a few of these 'gottems' but not all.#Chilchuck would know gottems that are nearly lost to time. The deep cuts. The ones that you fall for because they are that obscure.#I would also like to take a moment to confess that after the last comic in which I posed a gottem -#I fell victim to a Mind Goblin Attack. I was thoroughly got. I will be on higher alert this time.#So NOBODY be funny in the tags. I am gullible and I like to share things with my friends. Who are *ruthless*.#I have a mild resistance to Vicious Mockery at this point but I can only take so much.#Happy Thistle Thursday Everyone! See you next week!
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bad youtube clickbait thumbnail that reads "I think I just had a therapy session with a DEMON???"
#gravity falls#gf nevermind all that#the book of bill#bill cipher#dipper pines#theres a tag now so im not gonna link all the context in the post anymore#i have no confidence this one is even funny i just wanted to draw them#we talk about this all the time but its endlessly funny that stump made a billford au and both of us have been like.#so mabel and dipper right? how are mabel and dipper how are they handling the situations. just fine it seems
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Pin for survivors
#snake hisses#Not putting this in my art tag#boop#scheduling this for midnight#edit: huh so its still going huh. oh well have it early
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1959 chevy impala that i made in spore, inspired by @making-you-in-spore
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*grabbing mlm shippers by the shoulders* guys nobody needs to be the twink. nobody needs to be the sub. nobody needs to be the femboy. they can both be big fat hairy men who bask in each others masculinity or they can both be unspeakable monstrous creatures with inhuman genitalia it’s okay I’m holding your hand. Let me show you the way
#shipping#this is about a lot of ships#so I’m gonna tag a few#zosan#zolu#destiel#radioapple#I’m not saying you can’t play around with these themes man#I just feel like they’re shoehorned in so often#lawlu#davekat#pepsicola#sabriel#lgbt#fandom#dirkjake#10k#20k#1k#50k
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Something, something, what if it all went really wrong and they were forced to speed-run the brotherly bonding
#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#stanley pines#gravity falls au#gravity falls fanart#injury#cw injury#I am still feeling new to the GF fandom I'm sorry if this is silly hahah#But all of these aus y'all are making has me so HOOKED#ABSOLUTELY FERAL#stan and ford#pines twins#Also practising anatomy and such!!!#The perfect guys for that#Art tag
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outcast of the village
#werewolf#folklore#slavic#poland#folk clothing#folk costume#wolf#me when The Peasants (2023) i hate that movie#nothing against it I actually love how it's made along with the soundtrack and references to polish paintings#but having watched it in cinema it triggered so many traumas that i wanted to immediately leave the screening room#kto się wychował na polskiej wsi ten się w cyrku nie śmieje#art#pl#polblr#how much more tags can i fit to get people to notice this? let's see!
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never let anyone tell you that trawling through mediocre victorian poetry isn't worth it. we just happened upon an absolute BANGER of a worm poem. go read it or else 🪱🪱🪱
#was calling beckett and scouring the works of eliza cook looking for lesbianism#good amounts of lesbianism in evidence but unfortunately very little in the way of good poetry#APART from this worm one which DOES NOT MISS#eliza cook#is there a thriving eliza cook tag on tumblr. somehow i doubt it#the hand of the giant and the heart of the brave / must turn weak and submit to the worm and the grave!#not an original theme ofc but GOD the treatment is delightful. so fresh so gleeful some rlly nice use of sound. rlly solidly constructed#words#gay belligerence
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Wait the book of bill appearing to Ford first is fucking HILARIOUS actually. Ford literally killed Bill less than a month ago, and Bill's still banking so hard on him getting him out of therapy that the book shows up in Ford's stuff MULTIPLE TIMES. Girl the situationship has been over for thirty years give it up 💀
#bill is so pathetic i love it sm#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#billford#the book of bill spoilers#the book of bill#cat rambles tag
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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life lessons with grunkle ford
you can support my work on kofi!
#bill is not having a good time#gravity falls#stanford pines#mabel pines#dipper pines#the book of bill#billford#its canon in my au so im tagging it <3#doodle#book of bill spoilers#book of bill
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The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex#god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood#that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets.#but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society#i don't know what to say i'm just so tired#politics#culture#queerphobia#lgbtqia#misogyny#<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy#patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights#so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized#purity culture#i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr
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