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nonbinary-sticks-the-badger · 9 months

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ignore this let me rant about my surge playlist because i really love it

I LOVE THIS PLAYLIST SO MUCH IS SUCH A BANGER PLAYLIST I NEED TO PAINSTAKINGLY EXPLAIN TO YOU WHY I PUT EACH SONG ON IT EVEN IF ITS OBVIOUS

1. PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN QUEEF JERKY, ethan is online

i dont think this majorly fits surge's character (other than the lady gaga meat dress part) but i think she'd probably do covers of queef jerky in universe (provided her life wasnt the way it is)

2. The Mind Electric Miracle Musical

i really love tally hall/miracle musical so um. dont be surprised to find them in a playlist of mine made after i started listening to them. the most commonly accepted theory is that its about someone being given electro shock therapy until they die/lose their mind, which (sort of) fits surge's story!!!

3. Modify Lemon Demon

the song is about extreme body mods. which kinda fits surge i guess.

4. Amnesia Was Her Name Lemon Demon

SHE DOESNT KNOW WHO SHE USED TO BE 🗣️‼️ SHE FORGOT 🗣️‼️

5. People Eater Sodikken

i think this song is meant to be about an abusive relationship??? it only very loosely fits but its a banger and i cant remove it

6. Fighter Jack Stauber

i dont think this song majorly fits either honestly but it can fit if you make it fit

7. ...Because I'm Young Arrogant And Hate Everything You Stand For Machine Girl

i cant hear most of the lyrics theyre screamed BUT I THINK SHE'D LIKE IT!!! also from what i can make out, it does fit

8. Ghost Machine Girl

this song's instrumental so it's entirely just 'well i think she'd listen to it and its a good song'

9. & Tally Hall

this song's about duality which doesnt majorly fit surge but absolutely sounds like something she'd listen to. also, later on in the playlist, there's A Lady which i added 2 months later which is a follow up of &.

10. Turn the Lights Off Tally Hall

urrrr it's about puberty and she's a teenager urrrr ummm

11. Doku Hakushi Hasegawa

this song barely fits BUT it sounds like something she'd like :D

12. SR20DET Blksmiith

instrumental but you CANNOT tell me she doesnt like breakcore and jungle

13. AM FM Vertigoaway

see above

14. Palmtree Panic - "B" Mix SEGA SOUND TEAM

ok so first of all this song actually is from sonic and second of all it sounds like trying to smile while wanting to scream which ig fits

15. Metallic Madness - "P" Mix SEGA SOUND TEAM

again, this is actually from sonic and also it sounds like something vaguely relating to surge

16. Oh Klahoma Jack Stauber

this song is about someone whose friend has social anxiety and they're trying to help them become social, which hurts not only the friend but the narrator themself. while not fully accurate, i could very easily imagine surge as the narrator and kit as the friend

17. Dead Weight Jack Stauber

similarly to oh klahoma, this is about someone who wants to be social but is unsure how. it doesnt really relate to surge but screw you jack stauber is a wonderful artist

18. The Dragon Game A Loud Scream SEGA SOUND TEAM

see 12, however with the addition of 'also its sonic team'

19. icosa Oliver Buckland

WOOHOO YIPPEE ENA!!!! (this song isnt FROM ena, but plays in auction day)

20. anemoia Oliver Buckland

ENAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO EXCITED FOR DREAM BBQ

21. God Race (Temptaion Stairway) Metaroom

ENA AND METAROOM ENA AND METAROOM ENA AND METAROOM

22. Kitty City Cyriak Harris

the animation to go with this has nothing to do with surge but i think the music gives surge vibes! ALSO its instrumental so you cant dispute that

23. Scrap Brain Zone Masato Nakamura

scrap brain zone, both as a song and as a stage, absolutely gives surge vibes. in sonic 1, im pretty sure every stage other than sbz and final zone has some form of natural element, and at the very least has happy sounding music. i also slightly associate scrap brain zone with overwhelming misery, due to the way it sounds, the name and also because when i first played sonic 1 i was stuck on it for ages omg

24. Unused Song (Sonic 2) Masato Nakamura

something about this song, including the fact it wasnt used, feels incredibly mysterious, which i mean you can link mystery to surge in a lot of ways

25. FAMILY GUY QUEEF JERKY, ethan is online

similar to the first one except its only 'i think surge would like queef jerky'. i dont know how you link this song to anything other than family guy.

26. A Lady Tally Hall

i think this surge vaguely fits surge and for some reason i cant help but picture this with surgamy. i mostly added it tho because i got mildly obsessed with it and had an excuse to add it seeing as & is in the playlist earlier

#sonic #surge the tenrec #my playlists!!!#(i dont typically make character playlists but i might in the future)#Spotify

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fictionfixations · 7 months

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aphmau and other mcyt (mostly aphmau tho)

uh. warning for cursing?? and spoilers probably

i was going through my playlist and stumbled on aphmau songs (or well songs i associated with her? The Last of the Real Ones although I think it's a fan thing, Way Way Back?, Cause You're The One, Be With You, I Am Falling For You ?, Faster Car..) and HOLY SHIT im going through memory lane now wtf

it used to be so cringy i cant (lMFAOO there was like alpha werewolves… and like-- so much more that im not sure how to explain LMFAOOO?????)

anyway remember that time incest happened??? im pretty sure ein (who mind controlled aph) was like a half brother or something. but mind controlled her into loving him, and like attacking aaron theres a whole host of other problems with it anyway

and then something something happened- OH MY GOD remember WHEN ANGELS FALL??? WAF. or something like that. I DONT REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED, THE CONTEXT? i know aphmau learned healing for his scars that she like caused him (i think she pushed him off a cliff and later? stabbed him LMFAO) BUT LIKE. THEY WERE BEING HUNTED DOWN. ??? i honestly only remember that masquerade episode. and all i remember is that it happened. i think people died.. and there was the forbidden. potion. i cant remember the name. forever..? something? it gave them green eyes either that or they were mind controlled by some other way but there was sad moment Also i think kawaii chan almost died. or maybe it was zane?? i havent even thought about it in years omg

i dont know if shes doing anymore series. and i think id honestly cringe if i tried watching cause its all kids content anyway. last i checked she was like 'people waiting for a series, it'll happen soon' or something something (maybe im making it up but i think she mightve said something about minecraft diaries??). except there were like controversies where i think she fired a bunch of people. and other stuff? idk i dont pay attention to that stuff youre better off searching for it yourself

actually oh my god talking about mcyt controversies. popularmmos?? hello?? (it feels like everyone i used to watch turns out to be not so great or something)

i still dont know if it was real or not. jen (the wife?) refuted it

but i think i heard somewhere they got divorced?? i dont know man im so confused. and i mean i wouldnt watch him now (i was just obsessed with those lucky block videos iirc) but it still really sucks??

anyway.

LOOK. WEREWOLVES. RAWR

Anyway series I've watched from her (I might've missed some because I didn't remember? Or maybe there was a period I stopped watching and then came back, and thus missed some):

Angelsville I think tho idk if that counts since it was apparently a survival series (I'm looking at the wiki)

MyStreet: Aphmau's Year

Diaries Rebirth

Dreams of Estorra

Harvest Valley

Heart Point

Mermaid Tales

Meteora Valley I think?

Minecraft Diaries (S1-S3) (i remember once an episode was posted with the same thumbnail and name or something as the last hehe)

My Inner Demons

MyCraft I think.

MyStreet (below are the rest of the mystreet seasons. 6 seasons)

Love-Love Paradise

Lover's Lane

Emerald Secret

Starlight

When Angels Fall

(ANYWAY prequels to mystreet now--) Phoenix Drop High S1-S2 I don't remember watching Graduation Days. or Falcon Claw University, but some of the thumbnails look familiar..?? I think I watched Phoenix Drop Days..

The Bigger Move (side story. if I saw The Big Move, idk)

MyStreet Holiday Special

New Years Party

Aaron's Ticket

MyStreet: Her Wish

A Woof's Tale (pdh side mini-series)

MyStreet Upsidedown? Maybe i didn't see it, maybe I did, but the outfit I recognize

Phoenix Drop High (S1-S2)

Ultra Nova

woo man thats a lot. even if i get rid of the ones im unsure of its still.. a lot. blink blink

#aphmau #mystreet #mcd #aphverse #thoughts #memories #aphmau pdh

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dykeyote · 2 years

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normal oak for the ask game mayhaps 👀 (or myabe cecil kanagawa,.)

I LOVE TUEM BOTH SM SO IM GONNA DO THEM BOTH :D!!!!!

fav thing about normal: ohhhhh my God just the entirety of his relationship to the doodler . its just so poetic and good and complex and i dant wait for them to do more w it (NOW THAT IVE GINALLY CAUGHT UP WAHOO!!!!! FINISHED EP 26 THIS MORNING!!!!!!)

fav thing about cecil: oh hes just so pathetic and stupid and whiny i love him . i love when trans guys suck and are the worst and nobody likes them . i love how suckydummystupid he is ❤️

least fav thing about normal: unsure . probably the vomiting early on that grossed me out a little . cant homd it against my babygirl tho

least fav thing abt cecil: HE HAS SOOOO MUCH CHARACTER POTENTIAL AND THEY DID JUST ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN IT . WHAT A SOCIETY WE LIVE IN TODAY

favorite normal line: oh thats hard . probably Objectively jrs we have to help it but he has so many funny lines

fav cecil line: "Revenge? Never! Why, Junebug, you’re my closest friend!

Well, second-closest, after…

(SNIFFLING)

after… Daddy…" i love when men go sniffle snif aheem aheem awhimper

fav normal friendship: i think his frienship w scary is so fun and silly foreva

fav cecil friendship: i honestly just really like his sibling relationship w cass (: i think its real interesting . also i like hcing that hes queerplatonic with nova and that hed be friends w rita

fav normal ship: i am an oakworthy ride or die ❤️ they remind me of me and the gf

fav cecil ship: i think him and juno have something going on that needs to be addressed

worst normal ship: idk i havent seen any that bothered me . im not that far in the fandom tho

worst cecil ship: not the worst ship per se more like worst Ship Portrayal but when ppl write porn w him and juno but make their age gap like fifty million years i get annoyed

random normal hc: he has an ant farm and he tried to name all the ants but couldnt tell them apart and got really sad about it

random cecil hc: he has a croptop labcoat that is like SO useless . this boy is NOT!!!!!! following lab safety regulations

unpopular normal opinion: idk what the norm opinions are ......

unpopular cecil opinion: jokes abt him and min are unfunny actually

song i associate w normal: like any oh hellos song . it just seems like his vibe

song i associate w cecil: death by glamour hearts

wahooiey

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cross-d-a · 3 years

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if you're doing those characters then please give me more amazing takes on princess mute 🥺💕

OMG IM SO LATE ANSWERING THIS BUT HERE I FINALLY AM

Also omgg thank you SOSOSO much for asking me about Princess Mute?? THE LOVE OF MY LIFE??? You know me so well, vish!! I love and adore you so much!! Thank you for giving me the chance to blabber on about the woman I love!! ⁽⁽٩(๑˃̶͈̀ ᗨ ˂̶͈́)۶⁾⁾

ALSO! I’m gonna do my best to like- not spoil all my plans for whispers, haha

The rest is under the cut bc I just have a lot of FEELINGS~ about our resident zombie girl

❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )

How I feel about this character

OH BOY OK I JUST??? LOVE HER??? A LOT???? I wasn’t expecting to get quite so immediately and intensely attached to her?? But from the second I heard about her in the legend I was just gone. Completely done for. I’m generally a sucker for mythology, and there’s just SO MUCH that’s fascinating about the tale behind the Princess Mute and the South Sea King?

Even though Princess Mute is so central to the myth, the South Sea King is deemed as the most important? I mean- duh it is his tomb, but Princess Mute is the catalyst? None of this would have happened without her? She’s main character material and yet she isn’t the main character of her own story?? She has practically no agency? It’s so? Fucking? Fascinating?? And there is so fucking much left unanswered? The myth says she turns into a goddamn monster?? Is this- figuratively? Or literally? Is she a monster for breaking gender norms and committing the ultimate taboo by killing the Emperor??? Like- holy FUCK? Like- LOOK at this pic from Ershu’s Expensive Powerpoint:

and a close-up for good measure:

(note the HORNS/HELMET?? the LIGHTNING STRIKE!!! 👀👀👀 how she’s dressed as a SOLDIER?? that SPEAR??? also she’s depicted as much bigger than the emperor!! which, of course, means she’s more important!!!!)

and, HELLO!! She’s called the PRINCESS MUTE. She is only known/named in association to someone else. Her name has been erased from history. It isn’t important to anyone. Which is so fucking ironic. She’s Princess Mute. Her voice has been stripped from her, just like her agency. This tale is the Mute Emperor’s and not her own. Her suffering means nothing to anyone. Her life means nothing other than for the Emperor to desire and the South Sea King to mourn over (and WOW!! ISN’T THIS JUST!! SO perfectly encapsulating Nanpai Sanshu’s female characters and their relevance to the story/male characters)

(so what is her goddamn name???? I mean, I know what I’ve named her, but sorry dudes. Again. I don’t wanna spoil too much :) )

also, WHY is the South Sea King covering her eyes when she’s sent off to sea in the origami boat?

What actually happens to her after this? The body we see of the South Sea King has long white hair so I assume he died pretty old? So why does she look so goddamn young?

And- the million dollar question here (WHICH I HAVE A LOT OF HEADCANONS FOR BUT I DON’T WANNA SPOIL WHISPERS): What happened to her after she killed the Emperor????

ALSO!! WHY IS SHE HOLDING A DINGLAN RULER WHEN SANSHU FINDS HER IN THAT FIRST EXPEDITION?? (internet says it’s a “special ruler used for making shrines, carving wood statues and making tablets of gods. Later used in measurement of architectural scale; measuring instrument for the netherworld, wishes best for tomb owner) did she design her own father’s tomb?? is there more to her becoming a leather figurine than filial loyalty/sacrifice??

Why does she have a tattoo?? I go a bit into this in my fic, but from my understanding it was unusual for people (women especially!) to have tattoos during this time! (this is just from my research! if I am wrong please correct me!)

For anyone who hasn’t read whispers, there were a a few tribes (minorities!) during this time who tattooed themselves (and to this day, they continue this tradition :) ). The Li were often attacked by invaders who assaulted the women and sold them as slaves. The women ended up tattooing their faces and bodies to make them less appealing, and it ended up becoming a tradition. When a girl came of age she’d get tattooed. Then we’ve got the Dai, who (from what I understand!) got tattoos of animals with characteristics they wished to embody, such as to show their virility and strength! So they’d tattoo tigers and dragons, etc.

So why does Princess Mute have one? Who gave it to her? WHAT ACTUALLY IS IT!!!!!! (eternal frustration that we never see a clear shot of the whole thing!!) It kinda looks like a heavily stylized fish? With some waves. But I am unsure! But it would make sense, considering the ongoing theme of snakes and fish throughout dmbj.

Also, her scars seem very strange. Like- if someone skinned her (YIKES!) then- her scars don’t really seem like they’re a result of skinning (double yikes!!). You’d think that for a woman who was the daughter of the King, they’d take more care to preserve her face?? So why does it seem like someone has done their utter best to ruin it? Did the Emperor do it himself? Did her father? Or did someone else do it?? Did she do it herself????

Also, I just wanna cut the bullshit with the creepy hand clam thing. A hand clam isn’t gonna wrap their fingers around Wu Xie’s hand to stop him from blowing himself up. Like. I get that it’s the censorship. I get it. But- you can’t tell me it wasn’t actually the Princess Mute who saved him. I just?? This moment is so powerful? It literally knocked the breath from my chest.

Princess Mute’s story is just so fascinating and tragic and I am just a mess over how she isn’t in control of her own story? She never is. Except for when she kills the Emperor. (AND when she saves Wu Xie) And I think that’s fucking telling.

Of course, it felt like they had more of a storyline planned for her which never happened, but I’ll get more into that later.

Basically, I just have SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!

It’s like- I dunno. Seeing a gorgeous woman flip an obnoxious man over her shoulder and slam him to the ground without breaking a sweat and watching her walk away with stars in your eyes. You barely know anything about her but you’re already half in love and you just want to know more.

I’m super Gay for her, if you couldn’t already tell.

Honestly, she just perfectly represents all the female characters and their treatment in dmbj with all the extra PIZAZZ of the mysterious supernatural/mythological elements. She just makes me go feral and I adore her with my entire heart.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

NUMBER ONE I SHIP HER WITH MY CUTE AND PERFECT GF XIAO BAI!!!!!!!!

They are my two favourite (okay and my wife Su Nan!) female characters in dmbj. I think their stories parallel each other pretty beautifully? They’re both women in a powerful position, though with limited agency. They both defy gender norms and accomplish things (I’m counting killing the Emperor as Accomplishing Something) in a very male-dominated world. And- okay. I know the Princess Mute is technically dead. But she also?? is someone still doing stuff?? and pushing along the storyline?? as a zombie?? So I’m just gonna say that both of them aren’t truly killed off for the Man Pain like all the other female dmbj characters (except for Xiu Xiu, and I guess Chuchu but ChuChu’s situation is kinda....Iffy. At best.)

Also both of them are linked pretty heavily with Wu Xie? They both have an interesting relationship with him. And Princess Mute leads Wu Xie to Xiao Bai!!!

And okay this is spoiling a bit of whispers, BUT!!! Warehouse 11 was built atop the South Sea King’s temple. Isn’t that fucking important??? I stand by my headcanon that Xiao Bai is a Warehouse kid (descended from the Founders) and so she grew up there. And like- ignoring censorship bc I can AND because Reboot leaves a lot of supernatural stuff up in the air anyway- wouldn’t growing up atop an insanely powerful temple do something to you? Wouldn’t it affect you in some way?? There’s just!!! SO much potential between Princess Mute and Xiao Bai!! Plus!! I think it’d be great for Xiao Bai to form a relationship with another woman. She needs some female solidarity in her life.

And- well. I just ship Princess Mute with all the dmbj women, really. Princess Mute has two hands, why can she use them both?? I’ve got a couple Princess Mute modern au’s going and in one of them she just- sweeps A’Ning and Su Nan off their feet :)

I really can’t ship Princess Mute with any male characters, I think. There’s just- so much underlying trauma surrounding her agency and how she’s been used by the men in her life. Also, I like wlw & mlm solidarity. Let Princess Mute and Wu Xie wallow over their Stupid Crushes. Or Princess Mute & Xiao Ge. I’m not picky.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Purely bc of my own au, I am very much invested in Princess Mute & Li Cu (& spirit snake). As I mentioned before, there’s a running theme of loss of agency in their own lives and suffering the consequences of others’ actions. Plus, there’s a lot of supernatural happenings surrounding the both of them. Why wouldn’t they find a connection?

And, obviously, I adore Princess Mute & Wu Xie. Princess Mute saved Wu Xie and then Wu Xie was promptly obsessed (can’t say I blame him). They had such an interesting relationship in Reboot that was just- so fucking tragically dropped.

My unpopular opinion about this character

SHE SHOULD BE MORE POPULAR!!!!!!!!!! She is so goddamn fascinating and gorgeous and I just!! Want!! Everyone to adore her as much as I do!!!!!!!! At least I feel a bit accomplished for swinging some readers over to her side in whispers!! That’s something!!!

I’ve got like- a million au ideas with her. I’m going to be the creator of the content I wish to read!!!!!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I WISH SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN A SATISFACTORILY COMPLETED STORYLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She just gets completely dropped after she leads Wu Xie to Warehouse 11. So once more, she is a plot device and not. And actual. Person. Her importance is tied irrevocably to the male leads. Her agency is not her own. Wu Xie cares so much about her, and okay, he’s trying to figure out a mystery and we all know how he gets when he’s trying to puzzle out a mystery-- but you can’t tell me he just- stops caring after he encounters Warehouse 11??? What happens to her after that?? Does she rot away in a box in Wushanju?? Does Ershu take her back?? I’m just?? WHAT????

I want to know her side of the story and not what everyone else has said. I want her to actually properly communicate with Wu Xie. I want her saving the day again and I want her being fucking badass and I want her and Xiao Ge being soft together and I want her and Xiao Bai to bond fall in love and I want everyone to just- fall in love with her? And care about her? And I want to to find herself caring about these fucking idiots too???? Can you imagine her and Liu Sang bonding over shitty fathers and lack of agency and Trauma?? Can you imagine Princess Mute getting her life back and the freckles returning to her slowly darkening skin and her being silly with Hei-ye bc he keeps shoving increasingly ridiculous sunglasses at her. And can you imagine her trying on jeans for the first time and picking out a cute bomber jacket and shoving a baseball cap on her head and dipping her feet back in the sea and befriending shibie bc she’s just?? that?? cool?? while Iron Triangle is off on the side fretting like she isn’t befriending some very dangerous creatures but it’s okay bc she’s a dangerous creature too and she understands fear and desire and hunger.

I want her returning to Thunder City. I want her getting closure. I want her story to get closure. Period.

And I know it didn’t happen bc censorship and Nanpai Sanshu and just- a host of Other Things. But I want it, and she deserves it.

AAAHH VISH!!!! Thank you so much for letting me yell about Princess Mute!! Sorry I couldn’t go more in depth with headcanons but!! Like I said, I don’t want to completely spoil you for whispers, so I’ll keep those close to my chest for now

٩(*ゝڡゝ๑)۶♥

#dmbj #the lost tomb reboot #princess mute #dmbj meta #sorta??#tltr #Wu xie #Xiao bai #cross talks #reunion: the sound of the providence #bai haotian #ask game

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ajoy3fanfics · 4 years

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The happiest moment

FanFiction.net. AO3

-Snape- I drop the memory into the Pensieve, watching as the magic falls in tendrils, waiting. I’ve gone over this scene more times than I can count, but it’s important. I need to keep it fresh so that I can use it. It’s a familiar torture, a rabbit hole of what ifs, that takes an eternity of climb out of. I’m still crawling my way up.

We’re outside, books piled high on the side of us, and Lily is laughing at something I said. I’m not really the funny type, but Lily thinks I am. I painfully wish others found me as engaging as she did, but then again, I’m unsure if I’d want to spend time with anyone but her. I’m glad she finds my quip amusing; her eyes shine when she’s happy, even if they crinkle and disappear a bit from her smile. Even this I find endearing.

James and his band of thugs are there again, and ready to taunt their favorite past time. I’m not sure what I’ve done to get on their bad side, but the distaste is mutual. I can’t stand how arrogant Potter is, and thankfully, Lily is of the same mind. She’s not usually one to take such a hard stance against someone, but she seems to have made an exception for Potters troop. A small part of me believes it’s because of me.

I hate Potter for many reasons, but his ability to interfere when Lily and I are together is paramount. He’s always intruding on us, throwing insults my way, disturbing us no matter the time or place. Im starting to find that his presence is almost expected if I’m with her. It’s almost as if I’m the afterthought in his horrid visits. My mind moves to a dark place as I wonder if it’s really Lily he’s interested in.

I’m ready to face him, grasping for my wand, but Lily is three steps ahead of me, as usual. She’s pointing her wand with a steady hand, eyes narrowed in a way that I’m sure she thinks looks more menacing than it actually does. He holds his hands up in mock surrender, some asinine comments slipping between his teeth. He smirks, and he’s just looking at her. Lupin reminds Potter that practice starts soon, and the crew turns on their heels to head towards the field. As they walk off, Lily purses her lips together, trying to contain her anger. She whips towards me, asking if I can believe the nerve of them. She tells me they put her house to shame, she has half a mind to march straight to Dumbledore’s office and demand he takes action.

I tell Lily not to waste her breath, that people like Potter don’t deserve her attention, but she is silently fuming from the injustice. I never feel that it’s pity, she has too much respect for me than to do that; she’s angered that her friend was wronged, and I want to kiss her.

“You’re pretty when you’re angry,” I say. The words tumble out before I can stop them and I watch as her eyelashes flutter against her reddening cheeks. When others compliment her, she smiles, wide and all teeth, but when it comes from me, it seems shy, like it’s a secret smile just for her and It’s enough to stir Hope in my belly.

She’s smiling, and the sun is shining and I’ve taken this moment for granted a thousand times before. Not now though, not when she glances up at me, biting her lip to try and contain her happiness. One wouldn’t think she’s shy, this headstrong Gryffindor, but then again, most people don’t know her as well as I do.

“Only when I’m angry?” She asks, lifting her chin with confidence.

“All the time, really,” I say, as I shrug my shoulders, a gesture of confidence i certainly don’t feel. “But especially when you’re mad.”

Her brows shoot up at my admission, and her lip is back between her teeth. For a moment, I worry I’ve gone too far, pushed the boundary of our friendship too much. But I don’t want a friendship, I want to consume her. In my brooding, I don’t even realize she has stepped towards me, only when her hands settle on my shoulders and she places a quick and delicate kiss on my cheek does my brain seem to kick into gear. Quickly, far too for me to even react, she spins around, sitting back on the grass and opening a book.

“Now then,” she begins, and she’s refusing to make eye contact with me, and I’m nothing but smiles. “If we don’t finish this assignment we’re going to spend all weekend in the library. And I don’t particularly like to torture myself on my days off, Severus.” She finally looks my way, and I’m sure my heart has stopped, or maybe started beating double. It’s hard to tell when she smiles like that. “Besides, you promised to take me to Hogsmead. You still owe me a new sugar quill.” She points her finger at me for good measure.

I sit down beside her and nod. If we finish now, that means we’ll have more time together. I want to talk about the kiss, want to pull her to my chest and give her a proper one, but I can wait. We have time.

I raise myself from the Pensieve, gripping the stone edge. It jars me, even all these years later, what a fool I was. I thought there would be time, never thought I would act out the way I did. I want so badly to go back, to earn her attention again. My eyes begin to sting, and I screw them tight to stop the tears. In three short days from that time, I lose her. I don’t need the Pensieve for this memory. It’s ingrained in my soul.

I know what words are about to come out of my mouth. I know that when I say them, she never forgives me. I’m disgusted with myself even as the name slips off my tongue that day, but I’m too angry to stop. I’m angry at potter, for looking at her like she’s his, angry at his friends, for riling him up, taking their turns. Angry at Lily, that she’s always by my side, there to witness it. Angry at myself for being such an outsider that I’m a target.

It doesn’t matter how much I apologize. Days go by, and I beg and I plead, but she won’t answer me. The silent treatment from her might be worse than the cruciatus curse. I wait and I hope, but the damage is done, and I lose her. As our distance grows, I gain the attention of my fellow Slytherins, notably happy that I’m no longer associating with a Mudblood. Lily detests these people, those drawn to the dark arts. All the while I’m with them, I silently beg her to look at me, look at me, look at me. I’d leave them behind, if she’d ask.

But she doesn’t. Lily could have received an Outstanding in avoiding me. Occasionally, she would catch my eye, and Id hope, just for that minute. I want to apologize again, but I can see I’ve hurt her too deeply.

She befriends potter of all people, the brute easily taking my place as she marries him the moment we graduate and it eats away at my soul. The rest of the story spins before me, but at night, alone with my thoughts, I’m allowed to change the past.

I bite my tongue that day. Instead of spitting venom at the girl I love, I fire it at those who deserve it. I finally tell someone about Potter and his trio of brutes, and they’re threatened with expulsion, leaving Lily and I alone. I take her to Hogsmead that weekend, and I kiss her the way I’d been dreaming of for years. I never join the Death Eaters, instead taking up the Orders side. I have to protect her, my muggle-born wife. I can so clearly picture a small home for us, walls lined with books, a room for her to perfect potions, and a little girl that has her eyes.

My happiest moments are ones I never got to live.

#severus snape #snape #snape and lily #snilly #snape fanfiction #harry potter #pining snape #missed chances #light angst

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cockbiteproductions · 4 years

Note

multiples of 8, except in the misc section. all even numbers for the misc section

200: My crush’s name is: well well well this question again. you’re not getting anything out of me!!! they fucking use this website!!!

192: I am allergic to: nothing. but i found out like yesterday not everyone gets dermatographia and im kinda annoyed. what do you mean your skin doesnt get red and puffy the moment you touch it......

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox solely because of ah

176: Last YouTube video watched: my watch history says this, which is a scene from a show called billions. this scene in particular is about my favorite character asking about their introduction scene with their former mentor figure that they quickly outranked and asking why they were picked for the internship that lead them down this [entire shitpath].

168: Luck: [long sigh]. [puts on clown makeup].

[obi wan voice] im my experience there’s no such thing as luck.

[rian voice] luck? there’s probability plausibility and actuality. luck is superstition. luck is lazy math. [winston voice] that’s what i always say.

160: Soul mates: again souls arent real..... nor do i believe that people are “meant for each other” on any sort of cosmic/larger level. you are more compatible with people based on your upbringing and your interests and your values and those are adaptable over time though some people are so different that they will never get along and other people match/complement each other incredibly well.

152: Phone or Online: lmaoooo this questionnaire once again showing its age. throwback to when these things weren’t synonymous. online for sure. what am i gonna do with a phone? talk to someone with my fucking voice? i think not.

144: Oranges or Apples: to eat by themselves? probably apples since they are easier and less of a mess. and apples are more consistently better than oranges. oranges, it’s easy to get a batch that just sucks. juiced? probably orange. i love me some fuckin orange juice. but i like apple cider more than orange juice.

136: Hillary or Obama: lmaoooo again.. the age of this. 2008 or 2012. going to guess 2008. obama but not like. enthusiastically. while he was certainly better than [what we got going on now] he still bombed the hell outta some countries......

128: Manicure or Pedicure: ive never had either but i would probably be more comfortable with a manicure. people touching my feet would make me ticklish.

120: Gay Marriage: the only type that should be allowed. sorry straights youre no longer allowed to get married. /s obviously.

112: Facebook: oh BOY are you fucking ready. are you???? im starting the readmore NOW because this is going to be something. i doubt anyone except robots maybe will actually read my deranged pro-privacy anti-facebook/social media/surveillance rant but im angry every time i think about it and if i were a more important person than a rando on the internet with a keyboard im sure facebook would hire someone to kill me one day.

FUCK FACEBOOK. FUCK THAT SHITTY ASS WEBSITE THAT AT EVERY TURN HAS BEEN REVEALED TO HAVE HORRIFYING PRACTICES OF DATA COLLECTION.

but before that, they need to pay some goddamn fucking taxes. they are profiting off the data of billions of people and getting away with paying SO LITTLE back.

you ever hear about deepface? no this is not the beginning of a prequel meme. deepface is facebook’s facial recognition technology and facial recognition is fucking terrifying. that shit is as good as humans at facial recognition at this point. does that not scare you? that a bunch of computers can figure out if this photo contains you or not? it’s one thing if humans recognize each other, but another thing when computers who can process data almost infinitely faster than humans can are able to do it. the scale and speed at which these fucking nightmares operates is hard for us to imagine and so we are all not scared enough of what they can do. this kind of technology is so deeply privacy violating it’s hard for me to stress it enough. every image of you ever uploaded on the internet could possibly be put through facial recognition tech. and with the fact that there are cameras literally everywhere at all times now at this point it’s so fucking possible that if desired, someone could find out where you are at all times. and that gets SO scary when used by governments. are you comfortable with your government knowing where YOU are at all times? yes? what about if tomorrow your government is overthrown by a group of radicals you completely disagree with? you still comfortable with that? facial recognition is kind of a fucking pandoras box that we are opening and now that we have the technology available to us, unless we actively take steps back from it, it WILL eventually/already is being used in malicious, intensely privacy invasive ways.

and everything in that above bullet point goes for ALL DATA COLLECTED ON YOU, EVER. everything you’ve ever said on facebook is probably put through some multi layered neural network fucking robot who is learning how to understand what humans say on your input and also cataloging things about you as a person. it is doing SO MUCH more than reading the exact text of what you are saying and then picking up on keywords. neural networks are an attempt to copy how humans think by making an artificial version of a brain basically. in simple terms it’s a map of points and connections and you feed it data for a while and tell it what the desired outcome should be. it will adjust those connections and the weight of those points based on your data and expected outcome. that change in connections and weights is how it learns. then after a while it has fed on enough data that it will begin to expect what your desired outcome is. now imagine millions and millions of connections and points. it’s fucking huge. you ever hear about how we don’t know how machine learning/deep learning/neural networks works? this is that. it’s because they are so large and they have changed their weights and points so much that we no longer understand how it makes its decisions. ml is on a deeper level starting to understand what you mean when you say words. like a human. and can pick up nuances humans cannot because of its perfect memory. do you understand how scary this is? do you? i really do not know how to express this better how absolutely buckshit wild and terrifying the idea that everything i say online can be scraped and put through a robot and a profile on me and who i am and my ideals can be gathered almost instantly. how hard would it be to write a scraper that goes to my blog and grabs the text of every post in my talk tag? and then there’s free and open source nlp software (or you can pay for it) and you can feed in everything ive said on this blog ever. you can go to my facebook. you can go to my twitter. you can find my profiles on every online platform ive ever used and take everything ive ever said and determine what kind of person i am based on that. and then you can then make further distinctions based on that data. (sidenote: facebook wouldnt have to scrape the data on my profile, it’s all in their databases already. they have everything ive ever posted on public or private, on my old profile i’ve deactivated, every photo ive posted or been tagged in, everything ive ever uploaded to their servers or have been associated with.) and someone or robot can make decisions about me based on that data. it could just be am i likely to buy [this product] or it could be something much more like am i a threat? am i dangerous to you, the person using this data about me? what are my politics? what are my views on [this topic]? are they too extreme? should i be denied [real life thing] based on what this machine has determined about me from my data online? not to sound fucking crazy, but you ever watch that episode of black mirror? nosedive? and its system where you can rate interactions with people? how this one girl was trying to increase her ranking so she would qualify for a cheaper price on housing? how we’re already starting to see things like this in real life with china’s social credit system?

call me a fucking wack job but i think it’s so deeply creepy that we have digitized so many aspects of our lives and leave machines we no longer understand how they make their decisions to analyze every bit of data about ourselves.

by the fucking way facebook tracks data on people WHO DO NOT USE FACEBOOK. FACEBOOK TRACKS DATA ON PEOPLE. WHO. DO. NOT. USE. FACEBOOK. are you scared? i am.

i’ve been thinking about this tweet from @/malwaretech on twitter from a few days ago. text: On a serious note, social media tracking is more extensive than you may think. For example: those Facebook 'like' buttons you see on every website? They call home. If you're logged into your FB account, it records that you visited that web page, even if you don't click 'like'. doesn’t that sound a lil fucked up to anyone else? that facebook knows that i visited that webpage even though i did not tell it? that it will use that data to build a better profile on what my interests are and that it will use that data to better sell ads to me? i’ll be honest i am unsure of if facebook sells that information to other vendors. i think that might be not allowed but i wouldn’t be surprised if that data somehow got into the hands of people who arent facebook.

the fact that for the longest time you could NOT get your data deleted from facebook? that even if you deactivated your account facebook would still keep all of that in their shit ass servers forever? as far as i know, that’s changed now, but i would not at all be surprised if the next day it was revealed that facebook was Actually Keeping all that info anyways

the fact that by default facebook’s privacy settings are set to allow anyone to see most info about you? just this whole opt out culture is so fucking wack. it should be opt in. your privacy settings should default on the MOST PRIVATE and it should be up to you to ACTIVELY SEARCH OUT how to change them to public. it is ON FACEBOOK to actively cultivate privacy but of fucking course they don’t.

lmao cambridge analytica politics russia brexit trump. i don’t have the energy to even open this fucking can of worms but i will say that again, another layer of deeply fucked up that political campaigns can use that data to try to coerce or influence elections.

do you remember when in 2019. yes twenty. fucking. nineteen. 2019. two thousand and nineteen. 2019. i dont know how more to stress how recent but late this is. 2019. facebook admitted that it and instagram were still. STILL. STILL. S T I L L. storing passwords as plaintext? meaning your password that is “password123ilovedogs” is stored AS “password123ilovedogs” in their database. it is STANDARD AND EXPECTED PRACTICE that websites store SECURE hashes of passwords (not like fucking. md5 or something) meaning you do a bunch of fucking “irreversible” math on the password and store that instead of the actual password itself. so the db would be storing “298!79v@w8W#R;3,f9jf” instead of your actual password. anyways face. fucking. book. was storing passwords as plain text. which means if they ever have a data breach on their passwords db then all that data inside will just be your actual goddamn password. your actual goddamn password. what the fuck? what the fuck? and we still use this website? we? me? i use this website daily? i use this website on a daily fucking basis and allow it to continue to collect information on me? im so goddamn angry.

the fact that now in this day and age you are considered weird for not having any social media? super fucked up. the fact that employers will check your social media and if you don’t have one that is somehow a red flag? weird as hell. why must we participate in the world’s largest data collection scandal ever just to be a member of society? i cannot choose to opt out. facebook collects data on me even if i do not have an account. society expects me to have some form of social media and if i do not then that i am the weird one for it. if you choose to live a life of trying not to be tracked it is almost impossible. can you live your life in modern society without an email address? without a smartphone or laptop? there is an expectation that every person is available to communicate with digitally and if you find the practice of data collection abhorrent and don’t want to use websites that do so, then you’re the weird one who has a LOT of society’s services unavailable to you.

im not going to even touch on the psychological effects that facebook and social media have on people other than to ONCE AGAIN, say they are very real and deeply fucked up.

by the way check out haveibeenpwned. enter your email and it’ll check against databases to see if your email has been on recent dumps. i have been. lately there have been a few older accounts of mine that have been breached and it’s terrifying.

fuck jesse eisenberg man he fucked over spiderman crazy

fuck faang. fuck big tech. fuck data collection. btw edward snowden is a hero. fuck all of this.

104: The future: man we’re in for it. i am not optimistic about it at all. too much tech progression / not enough foresight / expansion/globalization of the world / global warming / political and economic issues are all coming to a head to make the world a fucking disaster.

96: Changed a diaper: never done it! i am not around children often.

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: having a vague idea of where things are locally. im very bad with directions.

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: answered already.

84: People call me: yeesa, apparently. i have a fair amount of nicknames but i just call myself teresa.

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: sure haven’t though i deserve one

80: The first person i talked to today was: soph because she wakes up at a normal goddamn time so i’ll sometimes have a text from her from a few hrs ago

76: Right now I am talking to: milo and a discord server im in for a group of friends i made when i was applying to college. though i havent responded in quite a while since i went on my angry facebook rant.

74: I have/will get a job: well i HAD a job for the beginning of the summer when i was a TA but i do not any more as that was first summer semester only. hopefully in the fall i’ll have a job as a TA again but who knows. and then after that when i graduate i hope hope hope hope hope i will have a job lined up.

72: Today: woke up. made a plum smoothie. played minecraft. took a nap. here i am. it’s all very riveting.

70: Next Weekend: it’ll happen for sure. odds are i will be waking up and eating food and coming on the internet and chatting with friends and doing a bit of writing and trying to learn a bit more html.

68: The worst sound in the world: answered already.

66: People that make you happy: will roland lmao.

64: My friends are: well it’s basically the same people i tagged in my last post on people who make me happy.

62: My School: you tryin to doxx me? it’s alright. not the best for my major. and also stupidly trying to reopen for the fall because theyre greedy and idiots. it was like my 5th choice school but it is what it is.....

60: I lose all respect for people who: already answered

58: Your hair color is: black as fuck. im east asian.

56: Favorite web site: controversial but archive of our own dot org i guess. i believe in their mission and like how they have advocated for fans and have created a fan-owned space on the internet. they’re not perfect but i overall support them.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: answered already

52: My room is: a time capsule of what i liked in late middle school/early high school.

50: Where would you like to be: im fine where i am. maybe visiting friends though. i would like to Hang With Them and Do Fun Activities.

48: Ever been in love: who’s to say....... what is love? (baby don’t hurt me). but for real the concept of love is weird to me, especially romantic love. i don’t know. i’ve certainly obsessed over people. i’ve noticed i kind of “pick people” to have crushes on. i can’t really say why. but then it creates a feedback loop of i pay more attention to them -> i think more about them -> i like them more. so i’ve made conscious decisions that have lead to me obsessing over people.

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl but that’s just because people in fandom spaces tend to be women and most of my friends ive made through fandom.

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: kaity is coming to my town but we cant see each other because of a pandemic so im kinda fucking miffed about that. i didn’t get to see maria before she left my state so i’m also miffed about that.

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmaooooo no. i would just like to be satisfied with my life. would like to see friends. do fun things with them.

40: Last person I got mad at: idk im not generally a mad person. mark zuckerberg probably.

38: I wish I was a professional: as in i suddenly have all the skills and talent needed to be a professional? i think a director &|| writer tbh. i would love to have the Creative Vision necessary to come up with dope ideas AND translate what i have in mind into real life. i would love the ability to be able to tell compelling stories that mean a lot to people.

32: Athlete: lmao if it was 2008 or 2012 i would ahve said ryan lochte but nevermind. idk. maybe katie ledecky.

24: Movie: am not much one for movies...... star trek 2009.

16: Book: i don’t know how to read.

8: Yankee candle scent: idk about yankee candle specifically but i love the smell of apple.

#not rt #teresa answers stuff #Anonymous

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brighidsember · 4 years

Photo

So, I was kinda gonna do a show and tell about my very first crystal. Which was a...a pretty "meh" idea to begin with, I gotta admit. But I thought it prove useful to people just getting started in witchcraft who are crystal-less and wondering where to start and worried they won't pick the right one. So here we are. However, upon looking through my hoarde, I discovered that I didn't have one "beginner" crystal. Oh sure, there was the first one I bought with intention, which I might discuss in future, but my first crystal (or crystals, should I say) were gifted to me by my mother, my own little starter kit for crystals. Be warned, this is gonna be a long one. Here they are: | 1. Amethyst. Every good witch needs an amethyst, right? Right. They're the lavender of gemstones; universal, spiritual, good for protection. It's a good crystal to have in your starter kit, and I used this one in A LOT of spells and charms. | 2. Sooo...this is either a legit rose quartz...or a clear quartz dyed pink. Im thinking it's the latter. Which might be why I never used it in love spells. I had an old necklace with a gold chain and a true rose quartz heart pendant, that one I used for love spells for a long time. This one was just a cool crystal to put on a shelf and point out whenever we had company. *shrugs* | 3. For the longest time, I thought this stone was jade. Only a few years ago did my mother inform me it was actually aventurine. Unsure about that one. It's definitely not jade, but it still worked well in money spells! | 4. Turquoise. My mom has a bit of a turquoise collection, some of which were gifted to her when she was a teenager by our aunt (who is awesome and has a Tibetan singing bowl I want to steal because it's super cool looking! Okay, tangent over). Turquoise is good for bringing spiritual wisdom and serenity, and even though I never used it spells, just having it around brought calmness to my space when I was growing up. | 5. Amber. I never know what to call amber. It's technically not a crystal or gemstone, because it's not a mineral, it's a resin. It's associated with love, and placed on your bedside or in the love and marriage sector of your home/room (feng shui), it can help manifest a loving relationship or self love. | 6. Raw peridot. When I was younger, I believed any and all green stones were fair game for use in money spells. Whether that's true or not remains to be seen, but it did work for me, for what it's worth. Otherwise, peridot is good for balancing emotions (could've used that more as a teenager), bringing creativity, as well as good health. | 7. Black Obsidian. First thing you will notice about this little guy is that it's...well, black. And you know what that means: banishing negativity! Made from volcanic glass, it can be used as a scrying tool, a protection amulet, or for banishing negative emotions and energy. Just remember to cleanse early and cleanse often if that is it's job! Smudging is the safest way to cleanse this crystal, though I will say I have used salt in the past without issue...but I'm trash, so yeah. On a personal note, this little crystal did help me in some small way with a major bout of depression some years ago. | 8. Smoky Quartz. Another great protection stone, smoky quartz is also great for banishing anxiety and fear, grounding, and helping you feel settled in your earthly body...if you're into that sort of thing. Otherwise, a great stone to keep around when it's 3 a.m. but you haven't had any sleep and you heard a weird noise. What's that? Why, no, I'm not speaking from personal experience, why do you ask? | 9. Clear Quartz. Ah, clear quartz. So simple. So plain. Yet so beautiful, and powerful. Need a spell boosted? Add in quartz. Need protection against negativity? Place a quartz crystal by the entrance to your house, or in the room often used for congregating. Connecting to your higher self? Quartz on your bedside or altar. Need healing or pain relief? Wear a quartz pendant. It's such a versatile little stone, it's no wonder every witch has loads of clear quartz, in their house, in their car, their office, their outfit...just clear quartz coming out of our ears! Also, along with amethyst, it's a good starter crystal because you can find it everywhere crystals are sold, in any size or shape, without needing to take a hammer to your heirloom piggy bank. | 10. Angel Aura. Clear quartz and platinum had a love child, and it's name was angel aura. I could explain the process, but as I mentioned before, I am trash, and google is a thing. Go forth and investigate, my child! Angel aura, as you could guess by the name, can help align your vibrations with angels. Angels aren't your jam? Cool, cool; it can help align you with the astral plane as well. Helpful if you want to get into astral travel. It's also the gemstone equivalent of aura fluffing, so if you just wanna feel happy for no damn reason, pick up some angel aura. | 11. Raw Agate. We have an agate problem in my family. At least, my mother, aunt, and grandmother do. When my mom and her sister were younger (and the backroads of rural Wisconsin were still mostly gravel), my grandmother would take them agate hunting in the summer. All you needed was a container for your haul, some water to bring out the color (easier to identify the stone), and a dirt road. Easy. Cheap. And now, my grandma has a comically large brandy glass filled with agate they've collected through the years. This agate I have is not from those days. You see, my mom is so good at finding agate now, she can find it literally anywhere. Like a parking lot of a restaurant somewhere in the Twin Cities (true story, bro). This particular type of agate is what the experts call "banded agate", which is good for healing, protection, memory, and wealth. | 12. Rose Quartz. This is probably the stone I have the earliest memory of. When I was a baby, my mother had my room decorated floor-to-ceiling with dolphins, in hues of aqua blue and baby pink. Ah, the 90's, when denim maternity shirts, teased bangs, and platform shoes were actual things that people wore. And dolphins? I don't know why mom surrounded me with dolphins. She just did. On curtains, comforters, lampshades, and t-shirts. And in the form of carved rose quartz. Rose quartz is the stone of love and peace. Whether it's romance, self love, or familiar love, rose quartz inspires you to love unconditionally. Ironically, dolphins represent self love. Though I never used this stone in a spell, keeping it by my bed as a child always reminded me that my mother loved me unconditionally. Oh, the feels. | So there you have it. Some good starter crystals to investigate and read more about. Thank you for attending my Ted talk.

#crystals #gems #gemstones #witch #witchcraft #witchblr #cottage witch #natural witch

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jedwashere · 6 years

Text

A Billion Years Away - Prologue

Slowly Drifting To You

***

I’m slowly drifting to you

The stars and the planets are calling me

A billion years away from you

I’m on my way, I’m on…

I’m on…

***

Somewhere.

Painburningbetrayalwhywecouldhave…

We…

Could…

Have…

“Michael!” he called out, before clutching at his chest in agony, and slumping back onto… onto…

… a soft bed?

What?

The man glanced down at his conspicuously bare chest, but apart from from a small, thin scar where he had been stabbed, there was no sign of any injury.

What had happened? The last thing he remembered was…

We would have helped you if you had asked.

He felt a scowl appear on his face, but he dismissed the feeling. Of course she wouldn’t have helped him. Of course she wouldn’t have given up her vaunted ideals. Of course none of it would have gone right.

And, of course, Georgiou would have taken the opportunity, any opportunity, to ruin his plans, destroy the trust he’d built between himself and this other Michael, and then finally to run him through.

In the back, he thought, scowling, of course in the back.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. A whole year of planning, wasted. A whole year of fighting, torture, uncertainty mixed with… with…

No, he admonished himself, forcing himself to remain calm. It’s in the past. All in the past. Michael’s face flashed in front of him, but he pushed it away. We’re alive. We move forward. That’s the only way to go from here.

It was far easier to think that than to focus on just how much he had lost in his last gamble. Shaking his head slightly, he looked around the room, trying to ascertain just where he was and what was happening.

It looked… nice.

The walls were wood-panel, real wood too if his eyes weren’t lying to him. There were windows, though the view outside was blocked by opaque, faintly blue curtains, diffusing pale sunlight from outside. There were wicker chairs dotted about, and a library. It was warm, but not unpleasantly so.

He sat up, wincing. His chest still hurt, but he was fine otherwise. He seemed to have been dressed in a simple pair of thin pyjama trousers made from loose-fitting cotton, which gave no indication as to what sort of people he’d ended up with (except that they were probably humanoid, or at least used to working with humanoids). He stood up and looked around, trying to see if anything of his own attire had survived, but there was no sign.

That could be a good thing, if they didn’t see the insignia, he thought. If I ended up in Federation space, maybe I could get away with playing the same trick twice.

That was, of course, assuming he’d ended up in that universe. Or, for that matter, any universe he’d recognise. His bedclothes certainly didn’t seem like Starfleet standard. It was entirely possible, given multiverse theory and all the associated headaches, that he’d ended up somewhere completely different.

Would be just my luck, he thought, scowling.

Before he could consider any of this further, however, there was a soft knock at the door.

“Hello?” a female-sounding voice asked softly. “Are you awake?”

“Come in,” Lorca said, straightening subconsciously.

A woman entered: she was human, or more accurately looked human. She had pale, almost alabaster skin, strawberry blonde hair that she wore in a ponytail, and striking blue eyes. She wore a simple white robe that draped down to her ankles, and soft white slippers.

“Hello,” she said quietly, inclining her head at him. “My name is Laurien: I’m one of the nurses here. I have been taking care of you.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Gabriel Lorca,” he said, giving her his best winning smile. Best to avoid any specifics until he had a few of his own. “And, uh, I have no idea where I am.”

“This planet is called Erlös,” she said, the pronunciation somewhat strained. “We are on the outermost edge of known space here, as we prefer.” She paused, choosing not to elaborate on whoever ‘we’ referred to. “I know you have no reason to believe me…”

She was right there, he had no reason whatsoever. But he decided to do something he would never have done before his stint in the Federation’s Starfleet: give her the benefit of the doubt. He resisted the urge to snort derisively. Goin’ soft in your old age, Gabriel.

“I’m here and alive,” he said, trying to sound grateful as opposed to sardonic. “And, truth be told, I figure if I’m here and alive I’m probably not going to cease being the latter at your hands any time soon. You had plenty of opportunities to do me an injustice.”

That, of course, was discounting the potential for this to be an elaborate trap, or for them to want to pump him for information somehow. But this felt too genuine, too honest.

Definitely going soft, some voice that sounded like Katrina Cornwell said in his head.

“Indeed,” Laurien said quietly. She tilted her head. “Forgive me, but… we’re a little unsure where you come from.” She paused. “Are you… are you Federation?”

They know about the Federation, Lorca thought, smiling. That made things a little easier.

“I am,” he said with a nod. “Captain of the Federation Starship D- Starship Buran.” Be careful, Gabriel. “Although…” he added, affecting a mournful tone, “actually, I don’t even know what the state of the Buran is.”

Lying prick, the Kat-voice said. He ignored it.

“I have never heard of it,” Laurien said, inclining her head. “But I will speak with Dannik. He will contact the Federation for you.”

“Thank you,” Lorca said with a nod.

“In the meantime,” Laurien continued, “would you care for some food? We do not serve meals that you will be familiar with as standard, but I can request access to the replicator for you.”

Lorca nodded slowly. He was hungry, in point of fact. “I wouldn’t mind some grilled chicken, if your synthesiser can manage it.”

“Of course,” Laurien said, smiling. “I will return shortly.”

As she left, Lorca sat down, thoughts running through his mind. He was alive, surprisingly.

Best to remain Captain of the Buran until I get a clearer picture, he thought. He tried to remember what he could about his counterpart – the smile, the confidence, the love of fortune cookies were all things they’d apparently shared. But I’m supposed to be dead. So I need to explain why I’m not.

Well, that would be easy. He hadn’t the foggiest idea what had happened to his counterpart, after all. Most likely the man had been incinerated, but despite their differences, he was still Lorca. Maybe he had survived, somehow.

He sighed, and began thinking – he only hoped questions about his origin wouldn’t be too far gone.

There’s one piece of hope though, he thought. If Laurien knew about Starfleet, and we’re in the Federation, the war with the Klingons can’t have gone that badly.

He held onto that. Silver linings and all.

***

Next Chapter

#star trek discovery #gabriel lorca #fan fiction #fanfic #alternate universe #i need more Lorca in my life #star trek #the plot bunnies have shotguns #blame Jason Isaacs

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hatchibomitar · 6 years

Note

1-33

OH MY GOD AHAHHA ii mean...okay! i’ll do it! thanks so much for sending this in !!!! :-)

1.) what’s your sexuality?

i’m bisexual technically but also idk man sexuality is weird and to me labels are just for show, i dont think there’s a word that would describe how im attracted to people! everyone’s cute tho :-)

2.) are you dating someone right now?

nope! single as a dingle!

3.) would you consider yourself a hopeless romantic?

oh god yea i would hahaha, im a huge sap of a person

4.) what comes to your mind when you think of love?

i think of flowers and smiles

5.) what’s your type? (body + personality wise

okay well apparently i have only been interested in brunettes with dark eyes and who are kinda short for the past Four Years lmfao? also all the people i’ve been interested in in that time have had names that start with K??? which is fucked up of me????? but personality wise i love funny, kind hearted people who love animals :-)

6.) flowers or hearts?

flowers!!!! but hearts are good too?

7.) red or pink?

pink!!!

8.) do you prefer pastels or dark colors?

i wear mostly dark colors but i prefer pastels more aha

9.) scented lotion or perfume?

ummmmm i don’t use either but scented lotion is great

10.) what color(s) do you associate with love?

yellow, light blue, gold

11.) what animal(s) do you associate with love?

ummmmMMM tbh i’ve never thought of that! my heart wants to say a frog LMFAO

12.) how do you know when you’re crushing on someone?

when someone makes me smile just by seeing them or i can’t seem to get them off my mind

13.) how do you know when you’re in love?

ya know... i am unsure? i think the best distinction i have is that it hurts way more than a crush. If That Makes Sense

14.) have you been in love?

Oh Yeah ! hasn’t worked out so far but it is a beautiful feeling!

15.) favorite romcom trope?

omg omg i love when one person is all sad because the other left and they cry for a few minutes but then they like look up and the person is like I Came Back For You oh my god

16.) what’s your favorite aesthetic other than lovecore?

soft witchy

17.) favorite romantic movie?

27 dresses is my favorite movie BUT the romance isn’t the best LMAO so uhhh

18.) ideal date?

mm since it’s fall i would LOVE to go to a pumpkin patch with someone! or just go on a walk and maybe go to a cute cafe

19.) what would you give your partner for a romantic gift?

probably either something i made or something that i know they’ve been wanting or needing for a while

20.) what would you want to receive from a partner as a romantic gift?

I”ll Take Anything!!!!!1 i love getting things ahaha! i will be grateful about receiving anything LMAO like even just a little dog eraser i love tchatchkes

21.) why do you like lovecore?

i’ve never heard of it tbh !!!!! but i love love !!!!

22.) what do you think love is? like, how would you explain the concept

it’s a feeling that defies logic bc all your fuckin common sense goes out the WINDOW when it comes to this person or to these people... you can’t logic yourself in or out of love. sometimes you just have a connection with someone and they occupy your thoughts & ur heart. love makes u Stupid!!!! or it does for me at least!!!! no human being is perfect. we all have hundreds of flaws, and emotions, and bad days, and messy hair sometimes. sometimes we snap at our friends and family if we’re too hungry. but love is when you look at a human, with all of these faults and more, and they smile, and u think “this person just might be perfect”

23.) do you believe in love at first sight?

i’ve answered this So many ways over the years bruh.....but i think my answer is still the same. i don’t think u can fall in love as soon as u see someone (even tho i’m in a dance class and every time i dance with a pretty girl i feel like my heart is gonna fly away), but i DO think you cn immediately 1) think someone is CUTE AS HELL 2) feel a deep connection w someone!

24.) have you ever crushed on a friend?

would i LEGALLy be able to call myself gay if i hadn’t !!!!! that’s just gay culture babey!!!! yes i have hahahha i’ve had a fair amount of crushes on friends, mostly in middle/high school. and i’ll probably do it again!!!

25.) have you ever crushed on a stranger?

i have definitely thought a stranger was REAL DAMN CUTE but usually for a Crush to form i need to see this person multiple times u kno

26.) celebrity crush?

chris pratt tbh he’s adorable! and emilia clarke, and the lead singer of the vaccines, and uhh

27.) do you have a crush on any fictional characters?

any lady who fight

28.) matte or shiny?

depends for what :000!! matte is fun!

29.) bright or dull colors?

bright :-)

30.) do you have a favorite lovecore blog? if so, what is it?

i do Naught but i’d love to find some omg

31.) favorite love song?

i’ve actually been thinking about this a lot recently...i don’t think i have just 1 favorite AHAHA but right now i would say

something i need by onerepublic

collar full by panic! at the disco

better together by jack johnson

links so u can listen if u want to ;*

32.)

omg depends!

33.) do your best heart spam!! (ex. 💗🏳️‍🌈💗💓💓💝🍓💝💫✨💫💞💝💗⭐️💘💓💗💞♥️)

💕💕💕💕💖💖💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻 sorry im on my laptop this is the best i can do!!!!

#the life and lies of kaiden #this was so fun haven't done this many questions in Years!!!!!!! thanks angel #Anonymous

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movedtovervainbrokemyheart · 3 years

Text

𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐈’𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 :

01. NAME / ALIAS : Vervain ( though I’m not like bothered by my offline name. I just don’t use it because it’s like not something I associate with myself except for offline. That sounds weird I’m sure. )

02. BIRTHDAY : June 12th

03. ZODIAC SIGN : Gemini

04. HEIGHT : 5′1″ or 154.94 cm is what a converter said. But, if that’s wrong then I am sorry XD

05. HOBBIES : Collecting things ( Mugs, Blankets, Funko Pops, Candles ), Writing ( i want to get back into doing fanfic soon. I plan to do a form to take suggestions but I am unsure of where to post it ), editing sometimes ( but mostly character or ship edits. I don’t do a lot of like ‘actor’ edits. and I wouldn’t consider myself to be like ‘talented’ or anything. ), is sleeping a hobby? I like sleeping

06. FAVORITE COLOR : Red

07. FAVORITE BOOK : I don’t have one. I don’t actually remember most of the books I’ve read aside from the Twilight series ( which I got 3/4 of the way through and then gave up )

08. FAVORITE FOOD : It’s moment to moment. Overall, Chicken of any kind. But lately it’s been really bland things bc of my stomach. A lot of bagels and oatmeal.

09. LAST FILM / TV SHOW : I’m not sure. But I’m gonna turn one on now.

10. INSPIRATION : I draw mostly from the show or movie they are from. Sometimes I read fanfic ( that’s not often anymore though. I wish I could though), watch fan videos and edits, look at gifs/gifsets. The best inspo though is when I’m just on the dash and see a post and a muse wakes up.

11. STORY BEHIND URL : A lot of my muses had bad endings or have died in canon or been tortured a lot in canon. So, I just changed this blog’s url awhile ago to this because it reflects my feelings about that. I also feel like it makes it clear I’m pretty divergent most of the time.

Tagged by @forthewinn ( im pretty sure I did the blog you tagged in the last week. So I figured here would be good. )

Tagging: anyone. just @ me.

#( mun )

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

Text

What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about?

in my best dreams id love to go to bed at like 745/8. but my brain doesnt shut down like that, and i tend to be very productive at night. Maybe one day tho

What is you favorite type of lunch meat?

uhhhhh turkey

What time of the year do you dislike the most?

summer heat.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs?

ew no.

What is your favorite color to wear?

so I have historically worn a lot of darker colors but I’m trying to be intentional about making my life romantic and I need to introduce more color.

Are you an overachiever?

in most respects, yes

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)?

smaller size, sharper jawline, thicker hair (not a LOT thicker, just mildly)

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry?

mr. darcy omfggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry?

no. never

What is your favorite thing about your life?

that no matter what, God has always provided and had a better plan

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody?

as a kid, all the time.

Did you enjoy your past relationships?

in most respects. each of them was good for a time.

Name a comedy that you like.

four christmases

Could you wait until marriage for sex?

that was the plan

What was the last thing that impressed you?

ummm that the plumber was able to get the roots out of the drain as easily as he did.

When was the last time you were in a pet store?

last summer. We were going to get benny a little bro/sis but with covid everyone was adopting animals like crazy out here.. so the ones they had were on these enormous wait lists where you would go thru an interview, a HOME INSPECTION, and had to bring all your other animals in to meet said rescue. it was ridiculous.

What nationality is your last name?

dutch

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip?

ems crack dip with uhhh the wavy lays

Who was the last boy that you saw cry?

uhh hm. hmmmmmmm... I honestly can’t recall

Does your mom know you do surveys?

I dunno, tbh

Have you ever had a serious injury?

I mean, somewhat. Not anything I discuss tho lol

What was the last thing you achieved?

surviving vid!

Would you enjoy being famous?

i doubt it. I’m pretty introverted and even though I get along very easily with people, my batteries charge best when im by myself or home. I would very much like the income though lol.

What’s under your bed?

I plan to go thru it soon! I’m trying to gather all my kile memories and I know I have like jewelry paperwork, cards from flowers, letters, etc. that need to be pulled. :(

Do you enjoy travelling?

Love it.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it?

absolutely. thats a long, long list. lots of academic, Christian, honors, volunteer, and youth group types.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk?

oh geez, maybeeeeeee 15 years?

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set?

no. that was never my thing.

Do you have a clock in your room?

No. My old cable box had the besttttttt time light. I miss having a small clock. I mentioned this to mom how we spent like forever looking for replacements after we changed cable providers. We didn’t want red or green, but the white. Now this makes me want to find one for my room. mom has a google device so shes set lol.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher?

I had the most phenomenal teacher. tho when it came to actual driving appointments (after the class periods) I often got paired with this older fella who constantly berated me over being homeschooled and telling me he was going to report me to the state. eventually I stood up to him, handed him the HSLDA contact card (home school legal defense association) and encouraged him to report me all he wanted. he stopped attacking me finally. it was awful. but the other gentleman was hilarious and fun.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite?

ohhhhhh mer gersh i love so many of her songs. this answer would definitely change depending on the week but this week its a tie between gimme more and circus.

Does mind over matter work for you?

in most respects

Are you paranoid?

i can be at times.

What is the best thing about winter?

OOOOOoo good gravy this is a long list. I love the calm. I love the way the air is thick and cold and how quiet it becomes. I love hearing the sound of snow falling. I love the glitter haze it leaves. I love the way it feels like the house wraps you up in a warm hug when you come in from the cold. I love the way candles and a fire in the fireplace make everything so cozy. I love the glow of twinkling lights, white and colored, just casting the most beautiful and dreamy cast on the neighborhood. I love the food and drinks that make you feel full and ready for a deep sleep. I love the clothes and the bundling up, the scarves, the hats, the mittens. I love the music and the way no matter where you go, there are carols playing the sweetest love songs. I love the way decorations come up and people display their much-loved memories in the form of ornaments on their trees. I love seeing the elaborate wrapping styles of packages around the tree and filling up the stockings. I love seeing the snowmen and igloo designs displayed with pride in the front yards around town. I love the way the world gets dark so early, yet.. there is light reflecting off the mounds of snow. I love the way the early night allows for early comfy flannel pajamas and thick wool socks and sleep. I love the curling up under a giant mound of blankets and reading a book. I love thinking about the joy on other’s faces when they open gifts that were cultivated for their happiness. I love the rereading of the beloved passages of scripture where we recall the reason for the season. I just love it all.

Have you ever been truly in love?

yes. 2 times, how lucky I was.

Are you currently planning a trip?

I was not. I probably could stand to be home for a bit.

How many plants are in your home?

honestly, no clue at this point. I’ve been locked away coming up on a month. I dunno how many we have right now.

What is your favorite possession?

hmm. boy this is hard. It used to be my ring kile got me. I feel weird saying my favorite things are from him lately, so maybe my stained glass lamp.

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked?

I am a nice person majority of the time and I would say I have been overlooked from time to time but I definitely do not behave nicely in order to be noticed.

What movies have tripped you out?

eh, I’m not entirely sure.

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade?

nope. I was so prone to breaking my ankles that it just absolutely was not for me. I tried a couple times, but couldn’t grasp the hang of it.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night?

no. this life is way too precious and too short to be spent laying next to someone who isn’t right for me. I have no intentions of settling. I do know of friends who have settled just to have someone near. It makes me so sad. The thought of settling like that just destroys me. Not to mention how unfair it is to the other person. Idk. Just sad sad sad.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating?

no nudity.

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep?

no. I would be way too distracted by that. I also don’t like things touching my face.

What summertime treats do you love?

ummm watermelon. popsicles.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss?

oooo boy im so ridiculously picky about it. In fact, one guy i was seeing for a few dates... i was like unsure of him and he wanted to kiss so bad and I just avoided it everytime lol.

What do you hate most about moving?

I’ve only done a temporary move. I don’t know that it’s the same.

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting?

I think that I’d be down for it if I were married, but I think its most intimate when its in private lol

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks?

Nope. It’s just not my thing. I’m never lacking that much energy.

Has anyone ever whistled at you?

yes.

Do you like scarves?

love them.

Is your father homophobic?

I’m not sure. I haven’t got a clue.

Do you take gummy vitamins?

sometimes. its my preferred method

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all?

not that I can recall. ohhhhhh maybe when i was in theater and we needed to put like color on their faces to ensure they wouldn’t be washed out by the harsh lighting.

Who would you like to meet before you die?

no one. those who want to meet me, should meet me lol

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it?

nah.

What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of?

oh there have been so many. I just ignore them. I don’t see sense in letting my mind be corrupted by that

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die?

heaven!

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else?

mom!

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday?

the bathroom lol

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy?

everyone. everyone and anyone would benefit from therapy.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself?

I’ve never seen it so I couldn’t tell ya.

How old was the first person you kissed?

at the time? I was 16 he was ...... 19

Will you be a strict parent one day?

strict? no. I’ll have rules and such but I’m a very loving caregiver... not to be cocky

Last person to stand up for you?

I wish i could tell you. I’ve never been the kind that requires someone else to protect me like that. but man, it has to feel good to know someone else is willing to go to those lengths.

Have you been to a baby shower?

many times.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?

My sister

What’s your favorite high school memory?

hmm, there are so many i loved.. probably the trips.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single?

i love being single, but miss the connection from a relationship

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do?

hot air balloon.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate?

freakin math

Italian food or Chinese food?

Chinese. ugh, I’d kill for some if they had GF soy sauce options

Do you like to make flash cards when you study?

sometimes, it depends on what I’m using them for. often I’ll just write like Question Answer type patterns in my notebook and then use a coversheet. I hate losing notecards.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer?

yeah but I don’t sing like that anymore.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online?

I used to a lot,not anymore so much.

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike.

no thank you

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school?

none really on my behalf. one girl completely plagiarized my work and that led to some drama, but beyond that nothing.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras?

no, I’m not that sort of wealthy.

Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets?

I mean, part of me thinks that its just kinda sad for the kid to not have simple pleasures instead of needing all the finest gadgets,

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother?

n/a

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome?

Jalapeños: yay or nay?

yay most of the time.

Did you ever play Minecraft?

uhhhh only when my nephews ask me to for like 5 mins lol

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member?

I didn’t.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense?

yes. some people just seem very... unaware.

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you?

assault

What type of person angers you the most?

those who feel it is OK for them to assault another person in order to gain what they want or to release what they desire to release

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it?

I’d want to be smaller. thicker hair. probably invisalign so I can correct my bite.

Describe your first relationship?

he was ... fascinating to me. He allowed me to have my guard down. He made me laugh, he made me blush, but he made me feel like I was constantly safe. He was wounded from his previous marriage but he was.. so worth mending. However, we were long distance and he just wasn’t able to do that. He needed more than I was able to offer him at the time.

Describe your last relationship?

OK so relationship is such a widely defined word. I’m going to describe the last person I was personally committed to. He was my other half. He was pretty vain and conceited when I first got to know him. Constantly concerned with his work and nothing but his work. However, along the years he developed into the most kind, generous, patient, extremely loving man. He changed all sorts of his former ways. He began investing in his character and taking the time to better himself. It was so incredible to watch. We created a bond where he was my world. I thought I was his. but we ended over him having a relationship for years that I knew nothing about. it’s weird, this quote from jane eyre reminds me of him...

“I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I'm afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I'd take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you'd forget me.”

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex?

I didn’t get the option to do so when it was happening.

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply?

ps i love you just tears me to shreds over how effing painful it is to lose someone you love.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?

that I was kind and friendly, warm and inviting.

Do you feel protective over someone?

yes. my loved ones. my family members. my close friends.

What perfume/cologne do you wear?

ummm either very sexy night, or refuge.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?

a very deep, dark red/maroon. super lovely

What is your favorite way to eat chicken?

CHICKEN SANDWICH< preach

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is:

omg i crave regular birthday cake. gluten free cake so far has been quite disappointing.

What were you doing at 8pm last night?

nothing.

0 notes

letspretendfictionpressworks · 4 years

Text

body language 18

I don’t know what I’m doing.

My coworkers wanted to treat me today. Usually, I cover for them as they slack off. They told me they wanted to show their thanks and let me leave a little early today, to “start my weekend plans early” since it’s Friday.

My only weekend plans only ever involve Trevor. And so here I am. At his work, thirty minutes before he gets off. I was eager at first, excited to surprise him. But now I’m here and my enthusiasm has fizzled out, a fire that couldn’t hold itself together under a deluge of an unexpected drizzle of anxiety

I feel oddly shy. I don’t know where he is in this store—I just know that he works here somewhere—and I can’t bring myself to actively look for him. Somehow, it feels like I’m chasing him when I was never given permission to do so. I’d rather he somehow stumble over me by accident and pretend it a happy coincidence than admit I spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out where he is in this store so we can start our “weekend plans” together.

This is me, a person who would rather get caught in a half-truth than admit the full story, because nobody in their right mind would believe that I “just happened” into a store like this and “just happened” to stick around long enough to run into the exact person I was looking for. And the explanation requires a wordcount I do not possess.

“Need help finding anything?” an associate asks me as he wanders past me. I’m sure I look lost. I’ve been standing in the same spot at the end of an aisle of merchandise, my eyes glazed over in thought as I stare at the floor.

I startle and look up the young man who has a small pile of patterned button up shirts in his hands.

I have no idea what to say. Admitting that I’m waiting for Trevor to Trevor is one thing, saying as much to a complete and utter stranger is quite another. I have this strange paranoia that this guy will assume I’m some sort of stalker if I just blurt out something like, “Do you know where Trevor is—I think he works here.”

So instead, I compromise. And by “compromise,” I mean I stare at the guy like I’m a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide and looking ready to bolt in a random direction at any second.

The guy peers closer at me, and I feel my fight or flight instincts kick in. For obvious reasons, it’s unwise to throat-punch this guy, so my legs tense, ready to help me flee far and fast, and I’m ready to pretend this whole experience never happened.

So I’m surprised when the guy says, “Wait, you’re Mark, right?”

My confusion is strong and poignant, and temporarily sets my flight instinct into a state of chaotic bafflement. “Um.”

“No, yeah, yeah, yeah,” the guy says quickly, waving a hand at me. “You are. I saw you. Yeah. Mark, yeah.”

I’m… not sure what to do. I don’t know what to say. I can only default to again staring like a deer caught in headlights, unable to even compute the proper response to this situation.

“Well, if you’re looking for ‘im, I can get ‘im. Bit busy, though—you know Fridays. Retail is always busy as a bee on Fridays,” the guy chatters on.

I have no idea what he’s saying.

“It’s nice, though. Glad the guy got himself out of that terrible relationship—anyway. Trevor, right? You’re looking for Trevor?”

I am still so confused and have no idea what to say, but “Trevor”—yes. That I can nod at and not be agreeing to something I don’t understand or know.

The guy dumps the shirts onto a nearby rack and fumbles off really quick. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to follow, but the pace he sets is pretty break-neck, so I decide to occupy my time. And by “occupy my time,” I mean I notice that the shirts the guy dopped haven’t been folded very nicely. I fold them slowly, taking my time to make them look neat and tidy.

What else am I supposed to do?

Then, I notice that the random associate didn’t place the shirts in the appropriate area for them. They’re a mix of several patterns and I can only assume they’re either returns or someone changed their mind and didn’t want to buy them. So, I find the slot with a matching pattern and tuck them all neatly into their appropriate home. Then, I see that a lot of the shirts have a tousled look to them, like customers were careless as they rifled through for the size that best fit them. And so, I begin the process of pulling out the worst of the bunch and refolding them because I am nervous energy and it feels better to do something than to stand still.

“My new coworker is sexy as hell.”

I jump and whirl, clutching the shirt I was folding to my chest like I’m a naked maiden who is trying to protect her modesty.

“Trevor,” I yelp, unsure what else to say.

He smiles at me, one side of his mouth curling.

I realize I’m still clutching the shirt and make a conscious effort to pull it away from me, fold it, and place it on a shelf.

“When did you start here?” he teases.

I mutter an embarrassed rush of nonsensical syllables, not even sure what I’m trying to say.

“You work harder than the employee of the month,” he jokes, coming up behind me. He snakes an arm around me and gently tugs me close, my back pressed in to align with his torso, his resting on my head.

I like this. I like this a lot. I like this so much. Somehow, it helps to ease my anxiety and I feel myself relax against him.

“I can wait if you can’t clock out yet,” I mumble.

He chuckles. “You did enough work to cover the last ten minutes of my shift. ‘Sides, my coworker thought it was adorable my boyfriend came to pick me up. I get to head out early because of you.”

I frown as I remember. “How did he know who I was?”

“Hmm? Oh. That picture I took, remember? He’s the one who wanted to see you.”

Oh.

“He thinks my name is Mark,” I tell him, wrinkling my nose.

“Somehow, he managed to call me ‘Travis’ my first year working here,” Trevor tells me, huffing out a laugh. “Don’t judge him too harshly.”

I can’t keep myself from smiling at the thought.

“Hungry?” Trevor asks as he releases me. “I know this good—”

“Take out place?” I say drily, finishing his sentence.

He smiles sheepishly. “Unless you’d prefer something nicer.”

I almost roll my eyes. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

He takes my hand and guides me away, out of the store and into the heart of the mall.

***

“You look disappointed,” Trevor says as I pick up a fry and examine it.

“Mm,” I mutter-hum. “I guess I… wasn’t expecting it.”

“Something wrong with it?” Trevor asks, instantly on alert.

“Nothing, um, ‘wrong,’” I quickly assure him. “I guess when you said that you ‘knew a great take out place,’ I just wasn’t expecting”—my gaze goes back to the fry—“a burger chain.”

“You don’t like burger chains?”

“Didn’t say that,” I say quickly. “Just… who hasn’t been here? Not sure it’s, um, well especially note-worthy.”

I can see Trevor trying not to look bummed. “Every couple needs a cheap, famous, chain restaurant date.”

I dunk my fry in a small tub of ketchup and eat it. “Yeah, won’t see me actually complaining. Just thought you had something more unique—I guess?—in mind.”

Trevor ponders this. Then, he picks up a fry, examines it as though he thought it may tell him the secrets of the universe, nods once.

And throws it at me.

I am disbelief personified. “Did you just…?”

He munches on a fry in one hand while using the other to chuck another at me.

“You’re wasting food,” I protest, exasperated.

“You said ‘unique,’” Trevor points out. “I’m giving you unique.”

“Not quite what I meant,” I comment drily, picking up the fry he tossed that landed on the table near me and chucking it back in his direction. “I meant, like, I dunno—a family owned place, or some foreign cuisine?”

Honestly, I’m not even sure what I meant. The most go-to fast food chain was not what I thought he meant, though.

Trevor picks up the fry that’s been tossed between us and ponders. I can see the moment the lightbulb lights up over his head. His expression brightens and he picks up the fry, places it on his top lip, curls it to hold it in place, and says in a very serious tone, “Dees ees what you think of my per-feect deener?”

I pause sipping my chocolate milkshake to gaze at him. “Was that supposed to be a German accent?”

Trevor frowns, and the fry falls from his face as he forgets to dramatically curl his lip to hold it in place.

“French,” he says, wounded.

I honestly don’t know if it’s my geographical skills that are lacking or his.

He tosses the fry back at me. I think he’s still pouting.

That single fry winds up being tossed back and forth between us dozens of times before we finally clean up and head for his apartment.

***

“Throw it away,” I demand, exasperated, as we walk to the bus stop.

“Somehow, it’s a souvenir.”

“It’s a souvenir until it rots. It’s just a fried potato.”

“Maybe it’ll ossify,” Trevor suggests.

“That’s just another form of rotting,” I press.

“Hmm.”

“Throw it away,” I say, once more exasperated.

Trevor turns towards me to say something more, trips, and tosses his hands out in a quick flail to keep his balance. Somehow, it works.

“Oh, no,” he breathe, examining the ground.

“What?”

“I dropped it.”

“Dropped what?”

“The souvenir!” he cries, still searching the ground. “Our French fry!”

“It’s… just a fry.”

“You do not understand the importance of a souvenir.”

Apparently not.

I see the long form of the bus slowing at the curb’s end.

“C’mon,” I tell him. “We’ll miss our bus.”

He wavers. “But…”

“It’s just a fry,” I say, trying not to sound irritated.

With a weary sigh, he follows me as I jog to catch the bus. He’s clearly hurt at my lack of concern, but I can’t fathom why. As the bus maneuvers through the roads to his apartment, I try to build up the courage to ask him something—to move the thoughts in his mind away from the lost “souvenir,” to distract him, to cheer him.

But I have never been good with words.

I stay quiet.

Trevor continues to mope.

***

I have one distraction at my disposal. I use it when necessary. I do not enjoy it, but I manage to get through it okay every time. I kiss Trevor in the privacy of his apartment, lure him to his bed, let myself be stripped of my clothes and himself of his, let him kiss me, kiss him in turn, and then let him pleasure himself with my body.

He holds me close afterwards and I let him. I do not know what the unspoken agreement is in a relationship that it titled “boyfriends,” but I like this part, and I relish in it.

But eventually I pull away to shower and wash my body of the mess he’s left on me. When I emerge, he once more has his questionnaire in hand. I am too exasperated and tired to do anything more than point at one of the emos—emojis, excuse me—at random. This time, I manage to pick an upside-down smiley face.

I have no idea what it means.

“That’s better than before,” he tells me, encouraged by this fact.

I don’t know what to say. I say nothing.

He opens his arms for me. This part, I like. This part, I enjoy. I crawl into the bed and let him wrap himself around me.

“I think we have a good thing going with us,” he mumbles, half asleep, in my ear.

I sink deeper into his arms, buoyed somehow by his words.

“Move in with me,” he mutters, groggily.

I am suddenly wide awake. “Whuh- what?”

This is not a conversation I ever thought to have half-asleep, and so I pull myself from his arms to sit up and look at him. His expression is serious as he looks at me.

“It’s lonely during the week without you,” he tells me earnestly when I say nothing me. “Would you—I mean—consider moving in with me?”

There are countless thoughts rolling over and over in my mind, like the clothes in a washing machine tumbling time and time again over one another. They move too fast for me to make too much sense of.

But I do remember the nightmare I have to go home to. I remember Kay, his wife, his daughter, and how I constantly feel like a stranger in their home. I remember the fact that the home I return to is not mine to call my own. I remember Kay’s continual insistence to pry into my life; his constant “concern.”

Trevor’s face clouds. “I mean, I don’t want make you feel like you have to say yes—”

“Okay,” I breathe.

He cuts himself off to blink at me. “What?”

I nod, whispering, “Yes.”

A smile of pure exhilaration tugs at his lips. He pulls me close, presses his mouth to mine.

“You won’t regret this,” he murmurs against my lips, and I close my eyes and let his cheerful affection wash over me.

In this moment, I think I am happy.

***

I find that while I don’t enjoy partaking in Trevor’s daily routine, I like watching him as he goes about it. He returns from his daily run sometime between five-thirty and six. He goes through a daily regime of exercises and often I wake to catch him in the middle of them. He often coaxes me to lie on his back as he tries to muscle through one thousand pushups in an hour.

He claims it’s a form of strength training.

I think he is insane.

“I’m just saying,” he grunts the next morning as I stare up at the ceiling, our backs curved against one another, “why flex your modesty muscle when you could be flexing your biceps?”

I snort, too tired to protest, and my mind too distracted to come up with a retort.

In a few weeks, I will no longer need to live with Kay. In a few weeks, I will no longer need to report back to Kay, with him pressing me with questions to wheedle out every detail he can about my personal lives. In a few weeks, it will just be Trevor and me. In a few weeks, I will be free of Kay. I will be free of Kay. I will be free of Kay. I will be free of Kay.

I cannot say that enough. I cannot think it enough. It is a broken record in my mind.

It leaves me feeling almost dizzy with relief.

“Time?” Trevor huffs.

I yawn and check the clock. “Forty minutes.”

He grunts. “At seven hundred. I think I can make it this time.”

I still think he is insane.

But as he continues his odd morning exercise, I can’t keep my lips from curling in a smile.

For now, I am still happy.

#trevor #markus #body language

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bba-sae · 8 years

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The Painter’s Muse

OMG ANON THANK YOU! I always love getting requests, they’re so fun. I hope you like it anon! Tbh, I never considered writing a Minghao imagine, but I like how it ended up(:

Pairing: Minghao/Reader

Genre: Soulmate!AU

Word Count: 3K

Summary: You’ve sworn you seen the girl in the painting, staring contently at you, you just don’t remember ever posing for the picture centuries before.

Author’s note: I never really thought of writing a soulmate AU, but I decided that a reincarnation one was the only one that makes sense. I read soulmate AU’s a lot, and I love them, it’s just sometimes things don’t add up. Thats why Minghao’s names are different in his past life times, because I feel like that makes the most sense, also I just FINISHED GOBLIN. Which plays with the same idea and I will forever be obsessed with the grim reaper and sunny. THEY WERE SO DAMN CUTE. Someone hold me, I’m still recovering from the drama.

You were exploring the numerous corridors of the art museum, the still life that surrounded you brought a sense of serenity and peace of mind. A hand grazed the empty walls, the engraved name plates, the open air in which you would let your fingers trace the outline of each painting from afar. You closed one eye to focus on the pieces, your hand slowly raising, trying to replicate every stroke that fabricated the scenery before you.

Your interest in art always came naturally, an affinity towards paintings manifested in your early years, and you followed it blindly towards an entire education based around the major. It was almost as if you were destined to pursue the world of art.

The group you had visited the museum with huddled in front of a piece, whispers growing louder as you walked closer. Heads peeked up above the crowd, as if looking out for a certain person. It came to your surprise when the pair of eyes landed on you, another student stepping out of the crowd and raising an arm to point at your figure.

“You, that’s you.” He proclaimed, his other hand steadily pointing at the painting to the right of him. You tilted your head in confusion, unsure what the exact topic the boy was referring to. He sighed, a groan in frustration really, as he continued, “the girl in this painting, it’s you. It is the spitting image of you.” He said slowly, the group beside him dispersing so you could make your way toward the painting.

You walked closer, the painting still not catching your eyes as you focused more on the student. “The painting? It can’t be, all these paintings are decades, centuries old. There’s no way that it could look that much like me, you guys suck at these things anyways. Just because they have the same skin tone and vaguely similar eyes doesn’t mean they're the same person.” You laughed before continuing, not believing their claims one bit, “That would be im- holy shit thats me.” Your eyes fell on the painting for the first time. Your mouth fell open, as if unable to comprehend the situation at hand.

There was no way you could look at this painting and not believe the girl in the painting was you. You traced every contour and curve of her face with your eyes, the action feeling brutally familiar to you. In fact, you had done this a thousand times before, whenever you took the time to analyze your own face in the mirror. It was the same, anyway you looked at it.

“It gets better.” The same student commented, directing your vision to the rest of the walls, adorned with five more paintings, with the same spitting image of you as the subject. “read the name plates.” You nodded, as you walked down the exhibition, reading each and every gold plate beneath the piece. The first four, you discovered, were painted by the same individual, a fact that did not surprise you. It was the last one, a solemn portrait of you, a faint trace of sadness laced within the strokes of paints, in which the artist had surprised you. It was different. A name you had not known but differed from the previous ones before.

“So what? The second artist must really admire the others work.” You replied with disbelief, shaking your head at the prospect. Another female student spoke up to disagree.

“That can’t be, I did research, the first painter’s pieces weren’t discovered until the late 20th century and the family who had them kept them locked up before they were found. The last painting was from the later 19th century. There’s no way he would have seen those paintings.” You laughed, because that’s the only thing you could think to do at that point. The coincidence making you nervous.

“Okay, well people look alike all the time, I must have a doppelgänger from the past.” You tried to argue, only to be shot down once again by the same student.

“No doppelgängers look that similar. None are the exact, spitting image of each other. That just doesn’t happen.” The girl replied, trying to help you understand what was happening. She lifted her phone, a picture of a boy displayed on the screen. “This is the second artist. Apparently, he spent his entire life painting pieces exactly like that one. He said he was the reincarnation of another artist, and he had lost his love. He painted that girl, well, you, even though he had never met her. His peers said they had never seen the girl, he just painted from memories, from his ‘past life’” she put air quotes around the last two words. “Eventually he was locked up because everyone thought he was insane, because he was obsessed with finding you, his soulmate.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Hold on right there. Why do you keep saying me? It’s not like I am that girl. I’m here, in the 21st century, I am not some chick from the past.” You waved your hands in disapproval, feeling a strange surge of anxiety shoot through you. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but a piece of suddenly felt as if it was missing. You felt in your chest, burning through your heart.

“I’m not saying it’s you completely, I’m saying it’s who you used to be.” She said calmly, as if feeling your nervousness between the few feet that separated the two of you. “Just, look at this portrait of the artist. Maybe it will trigger something in you.” She reached her arm out, holding the phone for you to grab. You walked slowly towards your peer, reaching for the phone and holding it to your face, scared of what might happen.

You knew him.

But you didn’t.

But oh god did it feel like you did.

Suddenly, the pain in your heart felt stronger than ever. You grasped the skin on your chest, trying to relieve some of the pain. You felt empty, unable to hold back the overwhelming sadness that beat on your insides. You were crying. But why were you crying. You had no idea who this person was, yet you felt like you had just lost the most important person in your life. Your breath became heavier and you felt your body go limp. All at once you were on the floor, students flooding to accompany you. One student held up your body while the female student you spoke to before crouched in front of you, grabbing the phone from you.

“Do you believe in reincarnation, y/n? Soulmates? Fate?” She looked at you, much more concerned for your wellbeing than to hear your answer. You wiped a tear from your face, trying to steady your breathing as much as you could.

“No.” You said weakly, and quite unconvincingly at that.

“Maybe you should start.” Was all she said in reply.

A week passed since you visited the museum, your peers began treating you like glass, as if you were deathly ill. Everyday, a new student turned to you and quietly whispered to you as if their voice alone would make you shatter into a thousand pieces, “Do you remember?”

You always shook your head in reply because you really didn’t remember. But oh god did you desperately want to. You studied the painter’s face every night since that day, researching every fact about his life and the other artist’s life. Though there wasn’t much about either of them, you took in as much as you could.

The first artist. Lu Chao. Son of wealthy merchant during early Qing Dynasty. Qing Dynasty: a period in which many Ming loyalists lived in self-enforced retirement. Often lacking access to important collections of old masters, loyalist artists drew inspiration from natural beauty.

Second artist. Li Ming. Born: 1864 Died: 1891. Often wrote stories about what he believed to be his past life, when he was a wealthy merchant and wrote many letters to his lost love. Painted and sketched hundreds of portraits of the same woman, unable to identify. Died in mental asylum from malnourishment in 1891.

He was only 27 when he died- you thought often. For some reason, your heart hurt at that fact. The throbbing feeling had you gasping for air, and a heavy weight on your shoulders seemed to have pressed onto you further. You analyzed a picture of Ming every night, almost going mad at the sight. It’s as if the memories would flood your mind at every moment, and you no longer had to pick apart the details of his face.

“Do you remember?” A familiar voice peeked your interest. It was the girl from the other day, you had learned her name in the days she prodded at you for answers. Hana. A peculiar girl, far more interest in the idea of reincarnation than you were, that is, until now.

“No, I don’t.” You said curtly, the routine was blasé by now. Hana shook her head, as if you had the choice to remember or not.

“Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.”

“What does that even mean? We don’t even know if that’s actually me! Everyone is just overreacting about everything.”

She looked at you as if you were the crazy one and crossed her arms in front of her chest, “Impossible. No one starts sobbing at the sight of someone they have absolutely no association to.”

“It could have been heart burn. I’m getting old after all.” That earned a snort from the girl beside you.

“You and I both know that’s a lie. You felt something, and you still feel something. I can tell, just try a little harder.” Your gaze shifted from Hana to the ground, your entire being feeling empty once again.

“How do I do that.” You replied meekly, earning a sympathetic look from Hana. After all, you were trying, desperately, completely and boldly trying to remember.

Her hand rested on your shoulder, circling the surface in an act of comfort,“Look at the paintings again.” she suggested. You laughed before looking at her.

“I do. Every night.”

“No, the real paintings. They’re doing a whole show about it at another art museum, ‘the phenomenon of another life’ is what they’re calling it. They plan on bringing in Li Ming’s other sketches and Lu Chao’s paintings too. It’s a different museum, and it’s a little farther but it might help y-”

“I’m going. When is it?” Hana smiled at you before squeezing your shoulder lightly.

“This weekend.”

The days leading up to the weekend felt slower than they should have. It was only two days, yet they felt more like centuries. You had took the long commute to the museum off a whim that maybe, just maybe you could sort your whole life out. Whole lives out, to be correct.

The museum was busy, other spectators and fanatics browsed the gallery, amazed at the coincidence. You walked through the corridors, observing each sketch and reading each plate about the artists. Each placard had facts you knew, you had read them a thousand times before.

It didn’t take long for someone to mention your uncanny similarity to the girl the whole gallery seemed to be based on. In fact, as soon as you were greeted at the door, an employee had paused mid sentence and pointed a finger at your figure.

“Y-you. You’re, you are the girl in the paintings.” The young employee looked amazed, catching the attention of many bystanders Soon, a whole crowd surrounded you, commenting about your appearance. You let out a laugh and smiled at them.

“I believe I’m just confused as you are. Trust me, I’m only a college student, not from the Qing dynasty or 19th century at all.”

Though you had explained yourself, you had felt the stares wherever you went feeling more uncomfortable the longer you were there. You tried to shrug off the attention, expecting everyone to want answers as much as you did.

It was further into the gallery, where you were no longer surrounded by painted canvases or messy sketches of your face. Instead, you were surrounded by letters, hundreds of them. The writing scribbled and frantic looking. Each one beginning in the same way; my love, I’ve missed you.

You walked further, to one letter that rested neatly in a display case. A letter written by the same artist, days before he had died. He had wrote them until his death, relentlessly chasing after the girl he never met, you. The writing was large, in bold characters. It began like all the others.

My love, I’ve missed you.

I believe I’ll miss you everyday, and everyday after I die, and everyday in my new lifetime if I am not lucky enough to have you again. The people tell me I’m crazy, but I know I’m not. Whatever life I may be cursed in, I will remember you despite the circumstance. You are my love, you are my life, and I will always run to you in every century I am given. I am sorry I could not find you. Any pain or sorrow you shall feel, please give them to me for I only want you to feel the eternal love and happiness the world showered you with in the past life. This is all I can hope for you.

Until the next,

Ming

It hurt. Everything hurt at once. Your hand laid flat against the glass, fingers beginning to curl at the cruel pain that threatened your sanity. You were sobbing, uncontrollably and all you wanted to do was know why. You left your love, and this fact hurt more than ever. He had waited for you, he had remembered you, and you couldn’t. What kind of monster were you that you would forget the man who remember you through lifetimes. You wanted to scream, you wanted to apologize, you wanted him.

“Tragic, isn’t it?” A voice spoke behind you, you had hoped this is what he said as you couldn’t clearly hear him over your loud sobs. You hadn’t looked up yet when you replied.

“Completely.” Was all you could muster up. The boy behind you paused before introducing himself.

“I’m Minghao.” He said, as if waiting for a reaction. You shrugged off the name, too sad to even listen. You gave him your name, the sound of it making him smile almost instantly.

Your eyes traced the signature, engraving it into your mind to remember forever. For that was all you could do, remember his past now, as if you never forgot. “He must have been furious, she never found him, she forgot all about him, and now there’s nothing left.”

“Well, not quite,” The voice spoke again from behind you, “Maybe he knew he would find her again. The time he was without her, it was temporary, a test from the universe to force them find each other again after a lifetime apart. Of course, he remembered her through all of his lifetimes, but he couldn’t be angry that she didn’t. Fate is cruel, it’s merciless, but in the end it’s beautiful. He knew this fact, he still knows this fact and he definitely still loves her.” Your breath paused, the voice behind seeming louder in your mind than it should have.

“Still?”

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” You stood up straight, hands gliding over the glass as you turned.

The portrait, the face you had memorized, the one you had forgotten, he was there. He was actually there. The boy saluted at you, a smile on his lip despite the tears that were falling down his cheeks.

It was then, when you looked into his eyes, everything had blasted through you. A gust of memories, swirling around you and invading your mind completely. You had known him, you had seen him, you had loved him. You remembered a son of a wealthy merchant, one who painted you often, one who had smiled at you brightly in the late years of your life. Then you remembered the lifetime after that, memories of the previous life were carried with you yet the face of the man you had loved didn’t quite stick like yours did to his. But you remember his voice, a sweet melody that kept you company in the lonely days of your life. You remembered how sad you remained during that lifetime, hopelessly trying to find something that was a thousand miles away from you. You had died alone, of old age, no family or children to remember you.

Both of you were crying now, the scene being observed from guests who recognized each of your faces. They knew. They knew exactly what they were witnessing, two lifetimes of love and a third being manifested right before their eyes.

It didn’t take long before one of you moved, you don’t know who but maybe you both came crashing towards each other at the same time. A pair of arms hastily wrapped around your waist, holding you as close to his body as possible. He separated from you for a split second to look at your face, eventually leaving trails of kisses everywhere he could. It was when he kissed your lips when you finally felt complete.

“My love, I’ve missed you.”

#Seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen imagine #seventeen soulmate au #seventeen minghao #seventeen the8 #the8 imagines #the8 #minghao imagines #minghao #minghao fluff #the8 fluff #minghao soulmate au

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