#so im treating tumblr like an ao3 author's notes

[maybebored]

Dream 2: That Snake and Lego

I had two dreams last night. Details are a little cloudly now that it’s been several hours but I’m going to write the short parts I remember from it anyways.

Snake rules the Boat 🐍🛥️

      The first dream had to do with living on a boat and having a very shifty, long, several meters long snake living with us. It was really long. Like think the snake from The Jungle Book but twice as thicc and more of a light pale-ish green and yellow. He could strangle me by the waist if he wished.

     So we obtained the snake from the previous owners because he ate the wife and I don’t know why we have it but because of that I was very wary of the snake and really did not know why my parents thought it was a good idea to go out to sea with a snake that murdered its previous owner because there really was no way to escape from that snake in the ocean. Yeah. I made breakfast and stuff and talked to some friends and generally lived out of the way of the snake. 

     On details of the boat, it’s blue, a fishermen’s boat, and there’s water in the kitchen that comes up to like half of your foot from the floor to your ankle. There’s also various random animals scattered across the boat like that one furry round brown muskrat-looking dude. And I think there might have been other small creatures too, but not rats, probably hamster or guinea pig of some sort.       Anyways, one day the snake got mad at me, idk why, maybe because I do want to kill it sometime, but I never told it that. So we’re there and I’m backing to the side of the boat trying to calm the angry snake down and next thing I know I’m wrestling with it and we fall off the boat. There’s a huge shark that appears almost immediately, a great white shark. I try to abandon the fight and get back on the boat. Snake is really good at swiming and gets back on the boat too.       The boat makes way back to shore and parks by some old dock next to a market and we’re just catching our breath and I guess the fight is over. Snake goes to the market and I’m annoyed at my parents for keeping the snake.

The Lego House (and People) 🧍🏠

The second dream is something about lego and slowly turning into machinery.  My family is out looking for a place to stay, maybe cuz we decided the boat and snake was a bad idea, but there was this set of houses that looked really nice and modern but also quite expensive. No idea how we would be able to afford that, but the lady advertising the house led us in and my brother and I explored the rooms while my parents got the sales pitch. 

It was probably part of some home owners association, except we were told it’s owned by LEGO, and it was pinkish outside with one part of the building just sloping downwards like a weird lego brick. ✨modern houses✨ya know?

So I’m inside going to different rooms and my brother tells me, “that’s your room, I’m taking the other one.” The room he was mentioning was the one right by the door, even before the kitchen and the living room. It was also by far the most ordinary one. The living room was strange. It was mostly empty, with round cusions on the floor one end, and there was a literal amusement park ride that started by one side of the room and went through a door sized archway into another room. Instead of the usual seats, the two-seater ride had plush sofa seats and round cushions. There was the usual single handlebar that you would pull down on your lap for safety though. 

It was strange but I continued on to another room, hearing my parents and the saleswoman come closer. By now I’m feeling a little strange. My movements seem to be... jerkier. I can see myself lifting my arms in an odd fashion, not clumsily but stiffly. My brother is excitedly looking around his new bedroom and I can’t really see much but a strange swing that resembles the ziplines they put in fancy park playgrounds, the flat round plastics attached to a rope. His appearance has changed and his eyes have grown much bigger and his body, plasticky yellowish. His arms are gone, he’s now like a yellow russian stacking doll without curves. His eyes now large googly eyes and he’s jumping around excitely but without bending motions, just like a bad rendering animation. I tell him that “hmm that’s cool” but also asked him if he feels like there’s anything off about the place. I tell him I feel like I’m moving stiffly and something is strange about the yellowy haze I’m feeling. His googly eyes narrow in a way I didn’t realize was possible and he tells me that no, I’m just jealous of his place that’s so cool and turns around to continue his playing.

I head to my parents to tell them about the strange vibes I feel about the place. They’re with the saleswoman and they’re scooching into the two-seater ride, inspecting the softness of the seats and my mom comments to my dad about the different ways we could possibly use it. They’re a little yellow too. I walk up to them and ask them if they’re sensing anything strange about the place and the saleswoman prattles on about how the machienery works and pulls the lever to get the ride to start. I don’t know what to think about it but I don’t know where the ride leads to because there’s no door to go see unless I get in a ride myself. I’m quite certain that my parents will not be human once they return from the ride but I don’t know how to tell them that and off they go.

I wake up from my alarm clock. Sorry, I didn’t end up seeing what transformation took place. Could have been fun. p.s. We’re not actually turning into legos, more like a bad knock off version. Without limbs.

[non-plutonian-druid]

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

thanks for the tag @littlerit!!!

Words and fics

I posted a tua oneshot Grace Through The Doorway In Time

and thats it!

ok rit i know you did say i should adjust it for art, i just thought it would be funny to do that first.

✨ Art Making Review 2023 ✨

Posted Art oh god

I kicked off the year by drawing Five and Lila in silly outfit submissions [1] [2] [3]

Delores as a mermaid in a crumbling ruin

Lemony Snicket au - Ben tied up in a closet

Redraw of a S3 promo poster

Five and Lila in that bathtub phone call x files scene

Tarot series - Death

Paranatural au - [1] [2] [3] [4]

Celebratory aroace Barbie

Comic fanart for alephnaught's fic Theory of Quantum Superposition

Five definitely just murdered someone with a chainsaw

Tarot Series bonus - Ten of Swords

Tarot Series - Judgement

Five and Lila run into each other for 0.2 seconds at the Commission water cooler

Baby Azula Mai and Ty Lee as centaurs

TUA centaur au - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]

Girl being abducted by a kelpie WIP

The Ben dying drawing that tumblr ate for some reason

Lemony Snicket au - the comic

OTGW au - Fei and Sloane

trick or treat WIPS: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [12] [13]

Voltron Gravity Falls au comic

OTGW au - Diego and Ben hide from Five

Paranatural au round 2 - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Top Art By Notes

(probably the closest parallel to kudos is likes, but trying to figure that out feels hard)

s3 promo poster redraw - 840 notes

Death tarot card - 319 notes

bathtub x files scene - 273 notes

the first paranatural au post - 242 notes

Theory of Quantum Superposition fanart comic - 239 notes

Fandom Events 2023

@tua-masked-author !!!

Upcoming 2024

i joined the murderbot diaries new years gift exchange! so ill be making a gift for that!

i have an installment of the lemony snicket au that i think i finished like two years ago and never posted. i should proooobably post it

also, i did just finish a different installment of the lemony snicket au that yall can look forward to!

im either done or almost done with another short paranatural au comic

i will try to finish the tarot series. or failing that. ill try to at least make additions to it

im working on a post with regular canon five (doing this made me realize its been a MINUTE since i posted art of regular canon five. ive abandoned my boy) playing with mr pennycrumb

i have Another finished thing but im waiting for something else to be posted first. i dont actually have to, i just want to outsource having to write context

Rules and tags below the cut!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass, just keep on scrolling.

i dont know how many people I'm supposed to tag but! @destinyandcoins @darbydoo22 @ford-ye-fiji @grammarpedant @blessphemy trying to mind palace all the people i know on discord, who write fic, what their ao3 username is to triple check they posted this year, and what their tumblr url is... (and also if any of you dont like these kinds of games, sorry, thats my bad!!)

lmao also i fucked up all the formatting for you guys, this is what these are supposed to look like

[anonymityisfunwriter]

🥇 Comment Hall of Fame 🥇

I really like when people comment. What better way to encourage interaction than by rewarding it? Here's a running list of some of my favorite comments, the ones that made me laugh, the ones that made me cry, the ones that kept me going. I love all the comments I get but these are just some of my faves from AO3, Tumblr, and Wattpad. You guys are all the best. 💛

"This series has the same equivalence to the mini episode cartoons like teen titans go but like BETTER I LOVE THIS SO MUCH" - @/thatboyisagunn · I remember watching the OG Teen Titans as a kid, so I really loved this comment. Plus, it sort of gave me the idea to do like one-shots as 'mini episodes'.

"“…morally ambiguous, sarcastic, charming brunette“ I know this is supposed to be referring to Flynn Rider, but it sounds an awful lot like Bucky to me. Loved this whole story! I was smiling the whole way through." - @/bookish_irish_dancer ·I laughed for an hour when this lovely commenter said this, because, yes, that is absolutely what I was going for.

"T Swizzle is a national treasure and I will fight to the death for her." @/aswiftlytiltinguniverse ·I will too. Okay, maybe not to the death, but I will post a lot of fics with TS references.

"I GODDAMN LOVE THIS SONG DUDE. THE ANGST, THE PAIN, THE CONFUSION AND GODDAMN JOHN I HATE YOU. BARNES I LOVE YOU AND SAMUEL YOU BIG BROTHER. I'm LOVING this Tay Swift-ness author." @toomanyfanficsbruh ·I like inciting John Walker hate. Especially all caps hate. This just made me laugh so hard tbh.

"Sis, as much as i love your stories and this story.. THIS WAS A PUNCH TO THE GUT, WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS *VIRTUALLY PUKES BECAUSE YEAH, I HAVE A FULL STOMACH RN* (but whatever i still love you uwu😊🤣😭🤗)" @/youraveragehotmessofabisexual ·The "why would you do something like this" really had me cheesy grinning like I know I just hurt my entire audience, but wasn't it fun?

"“LeTs NoT gEt EmOtIoNaL” my ass. I’m emotional. Let me emote 😭" @/BuckySimp101 ·This comment made me emote. And keep going with the GrumpyxSunshine series after Two Sides of The Same Coin.

"I challenge you to a duel anonymityisfun. You hear me duel, I hope you have a blood donner cos you're gonna need it ( I'm hating where this is going but loving your update speed. Keep it up )( side note I moved to mars so you're going to have to come here for out duel. )" @i-wanna-burn-the-world ·I can say with absolute certainty that I'd never been challenged to a duel before this comment. It's happened a few times since then to be honest.

"THIS MADE ME CRY AND I DONT MEAN JUST TEARED UP I MEAN I FUCKING CRIED MAN" @/Jwritesstuff ·If you couldn't tell, I really love comments that yell at me about what I made people feel. I love it.

"WHY WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO US IM LITERALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW WHY OH GOD WHY ARE THEY TREATING HER LIKE HOW HYDRA TREATED WINTER SOLDIER 😭😭😭 THEY DONT EVEN LET HER TAKE HER BELONGINGS ITS LIKE SHES NOT EVEN HUMAN THE WAY THEYRE TREATING HER OH GOD YOU'RE PAYING MY THERAPY 😭😭😭😭 THE TITLE ITSELF GOT ME HOLDING MY SEAT LIKE WDYM LAST KISS" @/Marquiserose ·This comment always makes me cheesy grin. I love the enthusiasm.

"SAM YOU BITCH! YOU CANT JUST LEAVE US! RULE NUMBER ONE!!!" @/any_ways ·Now, you guys didn't know what I knew, but the visceral reaction everyone had to Sam at the end of Two Sides of The Same Coin was *chef's kiss*

"When I gave this story my heart it was under the impression that you wouldn’t tear it out of my chest and stomp on it" @/HopeMAnd21 ·I know it sounds silly, but I like knowing that I can make people feel things. That the words I write can actually impact a person warms my little heart.

"I always have no feedback, criticism or words, but…I once again am lost. This whole this has twist and turns, one right after the other. I really don’t know what to say. This should be a mini book that I can hold in my hands and it has that little penguin on the spine, and anonymityisfun written under the title. I’m going to cherish this. When I’m bored and want twists and turns and sorrow, this is what I’ll read. You should be very proud!" @/any_ways ·Listen, I am, by no stretch of the imagination, a crier, but this comment made me cry. Being published, being able to call myself an author, even the idea of ever getting to put something out into the world, it's been my dream since I was a kid. Ugh, it just made my heart swell.

"you really did take all these characters and made them your own. from all the fanfictions i've read, your version of marvel characters are by far my favourite. i also feel very happy seeing this full circle moment because i still remember very vividly how sad i felt when i read how alone sunshine was. thank you for this series and i hope this is not the end!!" @/khirtelt ·This felt so important because, while legally I own very little rights to these characters, they do very much feel like my characters and my stories. They all have little pieces of me, both good and bad, and I'm very proud of the work I've put into these stories.

"110% babygirlification of Bucky Barnes" @/thesweetestheart ·I do not mind being attributed to the continued babygirlification of Bucky Barnes. It's now my life goal.

"I was thinking of you when the Taylor swift album dropped I HOPE U LOVED IT 🕺🏾🕺🏾🕺🏾 Also another Drabble masterpiece as PER USUAL" @buckbuckyoongs ·When you think Taylor Swift, I hope you think of me.

"I need a friend that loves me as much as Sam and Sunny love each other... AHEM, I SAID I NEED A FRIEND THAT LOVES ME AS MUCH AS SAM AND SUNNY LOVE EACH OTHER. please? (Now I just sit and wait until someone starts talking to me... I'm gonna be here for a while.)" @i-wanna-burn-the-world ·We all need a friendship like Sam and Sunshine.

"i ADORE THIS. I LOVE ITI WOUL KILL AND DIE FOR THIS. YOURE AMAZING AND I APRECIATE YOU POSTING YOUR WRITING, SO MUCH. I LITERALLY WIND DOWN AT NIGHT WITH YOUR STORIES-" @/ValerieQ "TYSM💜 AND OFC YOURE LITERALLY A GODDESS I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND-" @/ValerieQ ·This was all one comment thread and when I tell you, I was having a rough go of it, I needed this. You all hype me up so much, but this comment just made my heart melt. I'm so glad that my silly little stories are a place you guys can go to unwind and hang out. I love that so much.

"another beautiful work from @/anonymityisfunwriter and i can’t tell if i love or resent them for the pain they put me through. every. time." @mediocre-daydreams ·I wonder if they decided if they love me or they resent me yet. Either way, I'm glad I make you guys feel all the feelings. It's my goal.

"Binged the shit out of this and fell in love. I cried, I weeped, my heart swelled with so much love for these two. Honestly this series felt like a hot bowl of homemade soup on a cold day." @kjdara ·"A hot bowl of homemade soup on a cold day" Please, the way that made me choke up. One of the best, sweetest comments I've ever gotten.

"I found the sound on TT literally just scrolling through and screamed "Bucky don't leave her! She's your sunshine"... Needless to say I have a meeting with the boss man about time theft" @/MandaRinne ·The time theft part made me laugh, and also worry, but I'll take it as a good thing you guys think of the Grumpy x Sunshine series while scrolling TikTok.

"I'm glad they made up and love love the twist at the end. Because it truly signifies that sunshine is a fighter. And I love sunshine and I try to strive towards adopting the better parts of her personality into mine everyday. Fr." @/youraveragehotmessofabisexual -This, and I'm not even exaggerating, left me a little speechless. It will never not blow my mind that anyone actually cares about anything I've written.

I'll be adding to this every now and then. I just wanted to do this to show my appreciation to everyone who's supported me, it's the greatest feeling in the world. If you're here, if you've ever left comment, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love you all so much. 💛

And please, take this as a sign to show support to other amazing creators and authors, comments, reblogs, kudos, it makes a world of a difference. 💛

And, if for whatever reason, you're on this list and don't want to be, just let me know and I'll take it down. 💛

[himbos-hotline]

hey! while it’s disheartening and sucks to get hate comments, you should try to remember that the fics you write should be purely for your enjoyment. it’s stuff you like and want to share with the world, and some people find it and end up liking it a lot! you’d be surprised how many people probably read your fics and love it but don’t say anything bc they’re shy. unfortunately, there are a lot of hateful people on the internet and they will do anything to try and bring you down. you should try your best to ignore it (i know you probably don’t wanna hear this but it’s true). another way to get rid of hate is turn off anon on tumblr, if anyone sends you hate after then you can block them. you can also restrict comments on ao3. if you ever get a hate comment on ao3, you can also block or remove (i think) the comment. trust me, there are a lot of people who LOVE your work. just continue doing what you love. if you have haters, they’re most likely just jealous or miserable people. sorry for the long note, hope your day is good!

anon this is gonna sound really mean and I am PROMISING that it isnt, but I kinda just, need to reply to little bits of this message like were having a convo and im not arguing, im just..tired of being told the same thing [again not mad, clarifying stuff]

you should try to remember that the fics you write should be purely for your enjoyment

yes I know that, so is people baking or drawing. but if someone gets told "this cake kinda sucks." or "your drawing is wrong." they seem to be allowed to get upset but with writing its just "well youre writing for yourself!" Yeah, I know that and I am. But if I was writing for myself, I wouldnt be sharing it. People wouldnt be requesting it. if it was just for me. I wouldnt have an ao3 account. im writing for ME but im posting and sharing for other people, the people who ask for said fics, people who are my friends, people who like the ships, the fandom cuz fandoms simply do not exist without fanworks, not creations. were not getting paid for this. AT ALL! Like you cant do fic commissions cuz youre just sitting fanfic and fandom culture back YEARS AND YEAR.

I am writing for me, why do writers always get that? why is it never "but youre editing for yourself" or "youre making gifs for yourself" or "well you are drawing for you."

and end up liking it a lot! you’d be surprised how many people probably read your fics and love it but don’t say anything bc they’re shy.

Please get over that shyness. Thats what anons are for, thats for like guest comments are for on ao3. thats what reblogs and nice tags are for. thats for recommending fics on PUBLIC spaces, not discord servers youve made privately. Please tell fanfic authors that you like their fics, please leave comments and draw fanart or whatever you want to do just share it with us! because otherwise writers are going to feel unloved and lost and NOT write anymore and then fandom spaces will, im sorry die cuz the whole point of fandom is we inspire each other, we lift each other up!

im sorry for ranting back at you anon, this ask was really sweet but there was just points that I had to put out, things I had to say because it gets kinda draining being treated differently as a writer than say an artist. Its just like if I drew, like really instead of once or twice a year. People wouldnt be going "youre drawing for yourself." also just the weird diconnect between like, people who write and other people who are making things in fandoms is upsetting because it takes so much work, so much dedication.

like sometimes it feels like people forget that me personally, am disabled and chronically ill. Im currently fighting off pheumonia, ive just gotten out of a very abusive and manipulative relationship where him not liking my writing was a big way he would control what I would do. writing is harder than what it should be right now. But I do love writing, I adore getting requests and every nice comment I get I reguarly go back to read and it means so so so much

[marlinspirkhall]

i just finished reading your horror fic 'tomorrow never comes' and i loved it sm!!! say do you have any aos spirk horror fic reccs? your work has started me on a binge and im down for some creepy shit

Hey! I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed Tomorrow Never Comes; it's nice to see it getting some love.

[ID] An illustration from Tomorrow Never Comes shows an image written in dried blood which reads "PLAY ME" in all-caps, with an arrow pointing to the right towards a green PADD. [End ID] Illustration done by the wonderful IdeasCornucopia on ao3, @idealisticcatastasis on tumblr

I've isolated the specific search for AOS K/S "horror" for your convenience.

Recs in no particular order:

Descent of Halcyon by itwastheband

Kirk is plagued by headaches, nightmares, ghosts and visions. I had the honour of beta-reading this fic for the 2020 T'hy'la Bang, and I loved every minute of it.

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence.

Relevant tags: Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, Blood and Gore

Killer Plants From Outer Space! by cowboyjimkirk

This fic is a real treat, you'll love every moment of it. One of those fics which feels like you've read a classic, mind-bending sci-fi novel. I can't recommend it enough.

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence.

Relevant Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Tarsus IV, Body Horror, THIS ISN'T AS DEPRESSING AS IT SOUNDS I PROMISE, it's just a nice halloween romp

Secret Vulcan Mating Rituals by Chase820

At first glance, this fic doesn't seem like a horror fic, but before long you'll be reading about violence, murder, espionage, repression and mind-torture. An excellent read if that's your kinda thing, with a surprise Doctor Who cameo in the middle. Please note that this fic is unfinished as of 2012.

Warnings: Rape/non-con, graphic depictions of violence.

Relevant Tags: Porn With Plot, Spock's World (Diane Duane)

in dreams i cry to wake again by Ahira

I'm a little biased because I was present in the t'hy'la bang 2022 server when this was created

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply (see author's tags), non/con

Relevant Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Blood, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Body Horror

Kashan by Plotweaver

Torture-heavy fic which leans pretty heavily on some horror conventions. Angst with happy ending.

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Relevant Tags: hand whipping, Hurt/Comfort, romulans being assholes, Torture

In The Dark by imzadi_deanna, with art by thunderbottle

I'd be remiss not to recommend this fic by my partner in crime imzadi_deanna, as she was my wonderful beta-reader for TNC. "In The Dark" is unfinished at time of writing, but the chapters that are there deserve a read if you like disturbing imagery.

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Relevant Tags: Psychological Horror, Tarsus IV, Hurt!Jim

Honorable mention: Safe by SidSky

This isn't a K/S fic, but I'm including it because it's my go-to fic for anything fucked up. It really has a handle on Leonard McCoy's characterisation and headspace- and my god, does it drag you down into that headspace with him. The chapters on recovery at the end are wonderful, and it does a better job at making Khan truly terrifying than any other piece of Star Trek media. Go over there, and tell Sid that Marlin sent you.

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence.

Relevant Tags: Kidnapping, Manipulation, complex characters, Mind Games, Torture, Violence, suggestive threats, Character Study

Thanks again to @idealisticcatastasis for the page dividers, they're always good fun to use on TNC posts.

• [prev] Endless Spirk Fic Recs [next] •

[something-tofightfor]

Me whose also a writer for the pedro fandom: ive never been included on one of those fic rec lists and im a huge supporter of a ton of those people.

Lots of writers in this fandom travel in the same circles, and its hard to get into that circle even if you support them on the same blog you post fics with.

Its not that youre unlikable or whatever rude thing they were implying, but its just hard to get noticed by the popular blogs, and if popular blogs dont pick your work up its not as common to get regularly recognized.

Other anon, you're either just being purposely malicious for no reason, or you're just dumb.

My newest fic is about to hit 400 notes and not a single solitary popular or semi popular blog I follow have liked or reblogged it, so thus other popular blogs likely won't see it and therefore it doesn't get the same traction as fics that get pased around from popular blog to popular blog.

Not being on a fic rec list doesn't mean no one likes you it just means the people fic rec lists are aimed at or made by either havent seen your work or just didnt like it.

Being rude is completely unnecessary, anon.

First - congrats on the 400 (almost!) notes. That's a huge number, and it's got to feel great that so many people have seen and enjoyed your work. Best of luck in the future when you post new things, too! I hope they're just as successful.

It's always kind of a hit or miss thing when those lists go around. The one I saw earlier today (and the one that I'm assuming Anon was referring to) and I was not on it - nor were a lot of the people whose work I truly enjoy - but many "new" writers in the fandom were... and coincidentally, these newer writers are A) all friendly with each other and B) have made quite an effort to be friendly with the 'big' blogs.

Do I have a few close friends on Tumblr that I interact with quite often? Yes. Of course I do - it's natural to gravitate toward people that you have things in common with (even outside of fandom) ... but I ALWAYS try to be supportive of newer and smaller blogs when I see their work and enjoy it.

It's really frustrating to me that like you said, people tend to 'travel' in the same circles and don't branch out at all, even for others that support them and their work - because it can be discouraging, especially when you see the same stories and the same authors over and over again from various reblogs and recommendations. That isn't to say that these aren't good stories or talented writers, but they're not the only ones on this site or on AO3 - and some people treat them like they are, or like they have a monopoly on how a specific character is written and anything else is wrong.

That isn't what fandom is supposed to be. That isn't how you encourage new people to write and draw and engage in the fandom for prolonged periods of time.

It's easy to stick with the same people especially when you know that they're going to hype you up like there's no tomorrow, but you're not always going to get the same kind of feedback from people that you're that close with as you will from a stranger that has no reason to blow smoke up your ass all the time.

And maybe that's why these anons have no issue being so straightforward with what they say and how they say it - because they don't have to associate themselves with the vile things that they're saying, and they don't have to censor themselves. They can get it all out in a way that they might not be able to otherwise.

Would it be nice to be on fic rec lists all the time or for multiple stories? Of course it would. We all write or draw or share things on here because we want to share them with people.

But will I ever go out of my way to beg people to read or leave feedback? No.

Will I ever OUT OF THE BLUE message someone and say "Hey I wrote this, you should read it"? Also no, (because I don't like bothering people) but I wouldn't mind if people sent me their stuff that I might not otherwise see.

Will I threaten to withhold chapters or updates because what I post isn't getting the attention that I'd like it to? Never.

The people that find and read and reblog and comment on my stuff are important to me, sure. I love hearing from friends and people that are fans of my writing. I love knowing what they liked and what they didn't like. I like seeing that new people are discovering my blog - and in turn, my work (and hopefully the work of others, too.)

Not everyone is going to like my writing. Not everyone is going to agree with my take on characters. Not everyone is going to like the fact that I speak my mind about certain topics and what I will/will not write.

And that's fine. Because there are certain things on here that I don't enjoy and that I won't read. And there are writers on here that I don't seek out, and characters and kinks and topics that I have tags filtered for - so I get it.

But if anon thinks that messages like the one they sent earlier are going to get me to change my writing or the way I post or who I follow or interact with, they're wrong.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I'd rather have a smaller number of genuine interactions on my posts than hundreds of notes that don't even let me know what a person thought of the story or update - or whether or not they even read it.

This was long winded, and I get it ... but I guess I had a lot to say.

[sharkboygirlish]

Something in the Way You Move… Makes Me Feel Like I Can’t Live Without You.

Disclaimer: One piece and all it’s characters belong to Eiichiro Oda, I just like to write about them.

ONE-SHOT.

Rating: T

Author’s Note: For @marimoandtangerine on Tumblr as a part of @zonamievents secret santa holiday event!

Takes place when Nami is sick right before they land on Drum Island, after Zoro tells Luffy to go check it out & theres a few minutes where he's alone with her.

also I'm sorry this is late & if its not not that great, Ive been in the process of moving & i had a really hard time writing something that's not smut bc im a heinous trash raccoon lmfao

Summary: He’d even noticed her wince when a bug bit her back on Little Garden. He’d believed her when she said it was nothing.

AO3 link.

‘How many times had he tried to convince himself that he didn't care for her?

She was too bossy. Too full of herself. Too greedy. There were a hundred and ten different reasons for him not to give a fuck about her. Maybe more!

But... as the days passed, and he spent more time with her, he began to notice things that he found really endearing.

Like - her patience with children, and how gently she treated them. Her ability to predict a storm by a slight change in air pressure. Her sense of loyalty. Her crafty, witty nature. Her smile. Her laughter...’

Zoro could hear Luffy chattering about the island that had just been spotted, but he was too lost inside of his own head to say anything more than, “Just go. I've got it covered.”

‘Before he knew it he was taking naps near her chair. Having drinking competitions to see which of them had the best tolerance. Listening affectionately while she explained something complicated about the weather and the ocean.

And lately, every time he thought about her his stomach twisted into knots. His chest burned like he’d been pierced with a branding iron. Sometimes when they drank together he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to touch her.

He’d tell himself over, and over, and over again that the only reason he thought about doing something so stupid was the alcohol. Not because he was attracted to her. Or because he liked her...’

His gaze turned to Nami now, and his forehead wrinkled in a small, confused frown. A little voice in the back of his head told him he could lie till he was blue in the face but that wouldn’t change the fact that he was falling for her.

‘After all, his instincts had been honing in on her since the day they’d met. He became hyper-aware of anything that might threaten her. If she was in danger of being harmed he felt like his heart would burst through his rib cage if he couldn’t protect her.

He’d even noticed her wince when a bug bit her back on Little Garden. He’d believed her when she said it was nothing...

But now she was lying in bed struggling to breathe. Her fever hadn’t gone down in days. Vivi had told them if they didn’t get her treated soon, there was a very good chance that she could die.’

The swordsman swallowed the stinging lump that had formed in his throat and forced back tears that wanted to leak from their ducts.

‘He didn’t like to think about the way he would feel if she were taken from him. It reminded him too much of Kuina... and of a bad dream from long ago that felt all too real. About a woman with eyes like his that he didn’t have the power to save.

He never wanted to experience the way part of his soul died along with the people he cared about ever again. He chose to keep anyone he met at a distance, that way their loss couldn’t hurt him. Alone he had nothing to worry about except himself.

Then he’d met Nami, and the rest of their little crew - and they turned his world upside down. He’d been doing such a good job protecting his heart but against all odds she had found a place within it. And now.. If this disease took her because he couldn't protect her...

He was sure that it’d break him-‘

Distracted by the sound of footsteps pounding across the deck above him, Zoro shook his head somewhat violently to break his thoughts up.

‘Fuck,’ he pushed off the wall and moved over to the navigator, bracing his hand on the mattress by her pillow. ‘He didn’t want to lose her - he didn’t even want to think about it anymore because it was making him feel sick.’

“We’re gonna get you fixed up real soon,” the swordsman said quietly as he bent over her, and kissed the space between her eyes. He lingered there for a beat before continuing, “You sit tight, okay?” As he drew back, a tender expression overtook his face that he wasn’t aware of. He lightly traced his way from her cheek bone to her jaw with the backs of his knuckles.

‘He didn’t believe in gods, but he felt half inclined to pray that this island had a doctor who could help them. He really, really needed her to be okay. He just... he wasn't strong enough to grieve for another person.

Not one that he, whether he admitted it or not, loved so deeply.'

[gullethead]

what is your opinion on tamsyn muir discourse (and also what is the discourse)

THANK you. okay warning for discussion of fictional sexual assault, real life CSA (not something she did), plus 2012-era homestuck fandom typical stuff

please rb this btw, unless you dont want to, in which case dont. also if you have any corrections or additional information to consider please add by all means

disclaimer: im not in the habit of writing essays defending whichever internet personalities i like. ill admit theres potential bias, given that i read the books before i learned about this, but im really being as objective as possible and i just think people are taking a misguided or half-formed stance on this. if you still dislike her or w/e after this thats, like, perfectly in your rights. im not defending an adult woman on the internet, im explaining the facts as ive seen them and understand them. additional disclaimer that i havent experienced sexual assault at all myself

okay so tamsyn muir is currently well-known as the author of the locked tomb trilogy (aka gideon the ninth and harrow the ninth), but for a certain section of tumblr shes also well known as urbanAnchorite, and used to be a big name fan on here up until around 2014 - pretty close to everything here is going to be from roughly 2011 through 2014, except for an interview im gonna get into, so 7-10 years ago. i was only vaguely aware of her until after i got into the locked tomb and saw people talking about this. with that in mind:

so the MAJORITY of the discourse revolves around a single fic she wrote on AO3. her account has 19 works in homestuck, and some of them are Kinda Weird to Pretty Bad in retrospect, but being completely honest this is the only one that isnt completely stock standard for homestuck fandom in that time period. like if we started casting stones about ten year old fandom stuff we'd be here all day

here is the fic (warning for CSA)

in most of the posts about it ive seen, theyve described it as a "rapefic," but actually reading it, it's a lot more nuanced than that description implies. its a dark story where a grown man abuses a girl, from the man's perspective, and the story ends with him being killed by her friend. the description of the assault is treated very seriously by the story and barely even touches on any actual sex, before immediately cutting to him being killed. its lolita if humbert got shot to death; the title itself comes FROM lolita

(sidenote - it was inspired by a prompt on kinkmeme, but that doesn't really mean anything vis a vis being intended for sexual enjoyment, and according to the note actually went against the spirit of the request)

ive seen fics, lots and lots of fics, that would qualify as the term "rapefic." it tends to be pretty fucking obvious when someone is using sexual assault as a fetish, and this is Not That

tamsyn herself actually responded to this in an excellent interview early last year. she gets into some Fandom Mom type language, but essentially says what i said above. in it, she also says this:

It’s not the first time I’ve been accused of being a paedophile. I grew up gay in the nineties. Homosexuality and paedophilia were enmeshed in society’s minds. When I came out, I got told that I shouldn’t be around children. I was used to that because it was common discourse, and it hurt like all hell, but it didn’t shock me. When I got called a paedophile by Twitter I got clotheslined. My support network had to get in pronto. I was very ready to have a hot date with a length of rope, a date I have arranged and cancelled multiple times over my life. I have had lots and lots of therapy over the years for various conditions, some of them lifelong and some not, but when that Twitter call-out happened it was hard to want to live. I thought I knew so intimately what I was doing with my fiction; my therapist was always so supportive of me writing about it. I have not been open about being a CSA survivor because, again, I grew up in the ‘90s. ‘Lesbian’ and ‘CSA survivor’ is just carte blanche so a whole queue of people can tell you, I HOPE ONE DAY, WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT, YOU CAN BE STRAIGHT. It was like, right this way to the invalidation booth. I didn’t even tell most of my girlfriends! I told one! It’s not a topic of discussion between me and my family; I am relying on them not reading my interviews so it can remain where it belongs: thoroughly undiscussed!

with this context it becomes... a lot more nuanced of a topic. an author who experienced CSA in addition to growing up in a cultural climate where gay people were pedophiles by default, especially growing up catholic in a rural community, wrote a work about childhood sexual assault (which also happened to be fanfiction) as a way of working through it for herself, which is... something a lot of artists do with their art? and in return she got a massive blowback on twitter accusing her of pedophilia and demanding she talk about a massively traumatic moment in her life

this is the major sticking point of the discourse, im not gonna get into anything else on this post, but this is my view of it. if you disagree or have anything to add then feel free to add on. again, i know what it looks like, but im not trying to uncritically defend a stranger just cause i like her book. this is the conclusion i came to after doing a lot of digging for myself

[sunseteyes]

↪︎ firstly, i’d like to say that i have already cleared out my inbox because of the new rules i’ve set. don’t worry because i left out a few of the ones i’m working on and i promise to post them during january. i’ll be closing my requests for a bit but they’ll be re-opened by next year.

↪︎ second, i’d like to say thank you. there are many people whom i’ve met here that are so kind and sweet. all of you deserves praise for spreading such positivity and motivating me to stay here,

↪︎ but thirdly, i’d announce that i will be on a short break on tumblr, probably a few days of refreshing my mind again, hang out with my grandparents. be me. i realized just how tired i keep getting whenever i don’t see any notifications, interactions and when i do, i just am so tired to answer them. it’s unfair to all of you. to the anons who keep calling me out for the smallest things, i don’t blame you. i know i’m an imperfect person, but they just come at the times that i am so down and everything gets messed up. my mind is such a messy place that i start to realize; i am losing who i am. i can write, but i lost the passion to run this blog anymore. if i keep going up to people’s standards without standing up for myself, isn’t that such a cruel life? i wanted to deactivate, but it would just mean i’ve given up. i’m not giving up on myself, and i hope you guys won’t too.

↪︎ lastly, i’d like to thank all the people tagged under this line. you guys made me want to always log in here and do what i have always been passionate about ever since i was ten. even with this pandemic and distance, you made my days.

@/all my character anons — each one of you made me smile at least once in my lifetime and i really really appreciate you all. even if you only came here once, twice or more, thank you. thank you so so much. i will forever be grateful of each and every one of you.

@liliannyah — nia, honey, baby, my soulmate, my sister from another mother, even if we only met a month ago (wait was it a month or two?), talking to you had always made me smile. you have no idea how thankful i am that i met you and how i always look forward in chatting you. i love you with my whole heart. if we ever meet each other in japan, i’ll let you meet my future spouse and treat you sjsjns

@kuroolongtea — hi jin! i never call you any endearments bc i saw in one of your about me’s that you’d rather be called your name hehe i always take note of that :D also, i’d like to thank you for being really really kind to me and acted like an older irl friend tho you’re indeed older than me ahhaha. you, jin, are one of the most treasured friends in this app. thank you for listening to my rants and even when i broke down. i’ll always be grateful of you. i love you so much, i wish you always the best, miss jin!

@brinthie — hi brin bb!! we haven’t been talking lately but remember that i am always here for you and that i will forever remain in debt of you. because of you, i am here on tumblr. your comments on my ao3? it really pushed me to write here, and ohgod i am still surprised that you, the writer of the ao3 collection i literally binged for a lot of days, was the one who i’ve talked to almost everyday? it’s fate honey haha. let’s see each other when we can irl :D i love you forever, have a great 2021!

@deephasoceanmagic — deep baby honestly i was so shy to interact at first but omg you’re like so so so sweet and kind and i just love you so so much! let us only child’s stick together ok?? also, i’m sorry i haven’t been checking up on you for awhile but i’m always here for you ok?? if you’re feeling lonely, i’m just one chat away!

@elysianslove — sal!! you are my favorite author here and i am so glad to have been talking to you aaaa i love you so much and this is to more interactions & convos with you in the future <3 love you so much honey !!

@minibobabottle @tinytravelerkitten @giyuus-wife — you guys have my gratefulness and my heart. thank you thank you thank you always for checking up on me and making me feel special🥺🥺 kieran, ai, wifey mia, i am touched that you always check up on me daily !!!!! you guys have no idea how thankful i am for that. i promise to be good to you guys🥺🥺🥺 i love you <3

@olsenholic @animatedarchives @basketofgoldie @owlywrites @ushi-please @bokoutoe @solstxces @mrs-kuroojinguji @todominica @oikaw-ugh @kawaiinishii @tsuhika @amoroushero @hajimine — hello lovelies !! you guys are probably one of those whom i interact the most in here and i would like to say: you guys are SPECIAL and i am so happy to have the opportunity to meet all of you. i hope we could be closer and i promise to have your backs always <3 i’m here for all of you, i’m literally just one chat/ask away !! i love you all~

@osamuskitten @xxacatalepsy @lyssors — hey babies thanks so much for checking up on me and for the character anon interactions🥺 im so honored that you chose to be a character anon for me and i hope you had fun rp-ing with me👉🏼👈🏼 til next time !! ilysm~

@unlasting @sunakissses @flairlust @yamagucji @katsukichu @gg9183 @prettysetterbaby @bimbobabeyy @paradise-creator @necr0misis @bokutosworld @ordinary-ace @iwas-angel @oikawasbliss @iwaisa @unloviing — hello!!! even if we just met like almost recently and it’s really nice to meet you all!! my asks/dms are always always welcome! plus, don’t mind me stopping by your asks too because i do that often esp if i see you on my dash hehe

(part two here but they have the same content anyway so there’s no need to see it.)

also, for any of you who’s reading this, I LOVE YOU. always stay safe, hydrated, and having a decent meal daily <3 wishing you all to have a lovely day/week/year! for anyone who’d like to know my discord, it’s kengela#1783 !! do tell me thru dm’s tho if you’re sending a request so that i’ll know who you are hahah

[imacrowcawcaw]

Blood Brothers (Sanny)

*Smut alert! Smut alert! Also blood drinking during the smut!*

Author (As known on Various sites): Lady Lover - Rockfic, luluthechoosingcrow- AO3, theladylovingcrow - Wattpad and Deviantart, @imacrowcawcaw - main Tumblr, @theladylovingcrow writing/art Tumblr, @sammy_bluebells - Instagram

Fandom: Greta Van Fleet

Pairing: Sam Kiszka/Danny Wagner (Sanny)

Word Count: about 2500

Warnings/Tags: Vampire AU, blood drinking, gay pairing, smut (finger sucking, rim job, anal sex, masturbation), soulmates, cuddling, fluff, kinda angsty beginning, hurt/comfort, sweet ending

Summary: "He leaned forward to nuzzle his face into the crook of Sam's neck, smelling the coconut oil in his hair and the rich rush of life flowing just below his skin. Danny licked at his jugular, giving it a small, almost affectionate nip before grabbing Sam's arm that was around his back and bringing it forward."

Author's Notes:

Inspired by this post with @satans-helper 's tags and just her generally lovely self:) https://satans-helper.tumblr.com/post/188261333372/edyaleda-greta-van-fleet-by-lewis-vorn

Ahh I finished this hours ago but my phone died before I could post it and I was away from home :( But here it is! Hope everyone enjoys the smutty content lol

----------------------

"What do you *mean* she got away?" Sam screeched, looking, just for a second, like a crazed, homicidal *creature*.

Danny shrugged helplessly, running a nervous hand down the front of his faded red jacket. The dried blood on his sleeve was barely noticeable on top of the fabric.

"I don't know! I mean, I was about to go through with it, but then she- she..." he paused, big eyes staring pleadingingly at Sam. "Her mom called her, and she asked for just a minute because she never, ever misses one of her mom's phone calls. And she sounded so happy, so full of life and love and I just couldn't take that from her."

Sam looked back into Danny's slightly wet eyes, and sighed. He wanted to be mad - they hadn't eaten in weeks - but he knew that he would have done the same thing in that moment. Jake was by far the best at getting food.

"We gotta get better at this, babe. You know we can't afford to keep letting them go, not when Joshie and Jake are gone. We have to be tough."

"But it's not right! You know I can't do that to someone! I'm trying to be strong but I'm just too weak. I can't do this, Sammy."

"You're not weak, love, you have a fiercly gentle soul. Nothing can change all the care and compassion you have for people. And I love that you're still so soft, it's one of the most beautiful things about you." In fact, Danny had gotten even gentler as the years passed.

Sam pulled Danny into a hug, mindful of not breaking anything. Just because they could heal ridiculously fast didn't mean he was going to hurt his brother on purpose.

"I just- I feel like I'm not fit to be this, to do this. I'm not ready, and I probably never will be. Wouldn't you want someone else?" Danny whispered into Sam's hair, holding onto him tightly like he was afraid Sam might actually banish him.

"You fit because you're *you*, I wouldn't want anyone else. *We* wouldn't want anyone else, Danny," Sam amended. It didn't matter what his conscious was telling him, Danny had been a part of their family from the very start, way before, even. "You're stuck with us forever now, whether you like it or not. "

Danny chuckled softly, but it was a melancholy laugh, not one of genuine amusement.

"But that means you guys are stuck with me, too. And I can't, can't *hunt*" he forced the word out of his throat like it physically pained him to say it.

"Alright, enough of this self deprecating bullshit. I love you, big man. I'm *in love* with you, which means that I love your quirks, look past your flaws, and accept you for as you are. You can't hunt? You know it's hard for me too, but between the twins and what I can manage to do we'll have plenty, you don't need to. I want you with us because you belong with us, not because of the survival advantages or whatever animal bullshit you're thinking this is. Stop it! I love you, we love you, and we want you here with us!"

It was rare for Sam to get angry, and even then it was often more out of frustration and failed communication than true malice. He didn't know how else to get it through Danny's hair-padded-head that he was as much a part of their family as anybody else.

"Alright, you sap, I get it!" Danny muttered, sounding a little lighter. Sam knew from the tone of his voice that he didn't entirely believe him, but it was a start.

"I *am* sorry I didn't get her, though. I'm really hungry."

Sam sighed and pulled back to look at Danny, arms still around his waist. He didn't want to make him feel worse, but Sam was also seriously needing nourishment. They might technically be starving, actually, and not just in the oh-my-gosh-im-soooo-hungry way.

"Well, I don't think we're gonna be able to get anymore tonight, but there is still..." Sam trailed off, raising a provocative brow and tilting his head so his long tresses swung back, revealing the tendons of his neck.

Danny frowned again. "Sam, you know I wouldn't ever harm you like tha-"

"You wouldn't be! We've talked about this, honey, I've even researched it. It's completely, one hundred percent safe. It's just a little comfort, okay? I know that it won't really satiate the hunger, but I want you, you want me, and it will make us feel good for a while, you know it will."

"But- but we... I... fuck, Sammy," Danny murmered, protests all but forgotten at the sight of his favorite treat: his Sammy.

He leaned forward to nuzzle his face into the crook of Sam's neck, smelling the coconut oil in his hair and the rich rush of life flowing just below his skin. Danny licked at his jugular, giving it a small, almost affectionate nip before grabbing Sam's arm that was around his back and bringing it forward.

Sam's breathing got heavier as Danny rolled up his sleeve, running his hands lovingly over the baby soft inside of his wrist. He could feel his blood pumping, at this point less in his body than there should be as a healthy creature of the night much less a regular mortal. Their diet the last few weeks had been sparse thanks to the two main hunters of their family being gone on what they referred to as a "business trip".

Danny looked up right as he was about to attach his mouth to Sam, eyes shy but laced with a burning hunger he couldn't disguise. It was so endearing how he always cared for Sam - looked out for him, checked with him to make sure everything was all right when no one else would - even as he was about to feast on his blood.

Sam smiled encouragingly at him, eyes heavy lidded and arousal starting to thrum throughout his lower half. They'd discovered that this, the act of sharing blood with eachother, could be incredibly erotic and intimate. Another reason Danny didn't like "hunting" for victims: it was only something he wanted to share with Sam. Even if he didn't let the other person drink from him or have sexual intercourse, it was just too much like cheating to his tastes.

The taste of the blood, however, was sweet. Danny tried to remember what his taste buds were like before; couldn't. Nowadays, everything else was rather bland and muted, everything except blood. It was thick and bitterly sweet, like dark chocolate melted into a bowl and stirred up with sugar.

He drank, knowing he couldn't take much and so savoring every drop that Sam offered him. Danny kept his mouth latched onto the bite, couldn't release to breathe even if he wanted to, lest anything dripped onto the floor. Wouldn't do to waste what they had so precious little of.

Sam made a noise in the back of his throat, a strangled moan of both pain and pleasure. Danny finally pulled back, first holding Sam's wrist above his mouth so that the few drops of blood that could escape before the wound healed could be caught.

Danny was panting heavily, having drunken for nearly a minute without so much as a second-long break. His puplis were beautifully dilated, hiding most of his hazel irises, and they looked at Sam with such a strong message of love and devotion it nearly made him sob.

Now Danny presented his own arm to Sam, running his fingers over Sam's soft, full lips. He felt Sam's mouth part, his sharp canines running over his own skin and nearly slicing open the tip of his thumb.

Sam carefully pricked and sliced each of Danny's fingers, laving his tongue up and down them to catch the blood. He sucked down the digits with hollowed cheeks and hooded eyes, a sparkling of something ethereal, carnal, deliciously sinful glowing from within him.

Danny kept their otherworldly eyes locked, groaned low for Sam to hear how he was effecting him. He carefully curled his fingers within Sam's mouth, running over his palate and tangling with his tongue. Sam sucked him in deeper, swallowing around him and letting Danny feel the convulsions.

Danny laid a hand on Sam's throat, right below his jaw, and the other cupping his cheek, feeling him work. He rubbed his knuckles against Sam's teeth, reslicing them now that the cuts had healed.

Sam kept licking and drinking and sucking and swallowing, enjoying Danny's uniquely rich flavor of blood. Maybe it was because they were mates - by blood, by soul, by heart and mind - that all others paled in comparison to each other.

Sam pulled off of Danny's hand, taking a step back and hurriedly shucking his dark, expensive clothes carelessly, not giving a damn about the ripping fabric from his desperation-boosted-already-superhuman strength. He started helping Danny remove his own clothing before he got with the program and quickly undressed, too.

Danny spun Sam around, pressing him up against the wall in the living room. He snarled when Sam ground his ass back onto his erection, gripping a skinny bicep in one hand and using the other to hold Sam's wrist to the wall. Danny used his body to flatten Sam until he couldn't move, biting lightly - not enough to break the skin, they *never* drank from the throat, despite what some might believe (they werent *killers*) - at the side of his neck where Sam had flipped his hair side.

Keeping the one hand on Sam's bicep and moving the other to push on his back and keep him still, Danny slowly kneeled down so that his face was level with Sam's ass. He bit into the left cheek, drinking the blood that spurred out, then moved on to even more delicious things.

Sam nearly screamed when Danny's mouth closed over his hole. His mouth let loose high pitched groans and a startled yelp when Danny actually went inside the ring with his tongue, forcing him open on the slick muscle.

Danny ate him until he was sloppy and begging for more, the position bringing out Sam's more submissive side. The fingers that were on his arm joined Danny's mouth in exploring Sam's ass, one gently circling and then sliding inside. He moved it in and out for a time alongside his tongue, then added another.

Danny's fingers worked in a V formation, his tongue flicking at the rim of Sam's hole in between them. As he added the third finger and really started to stretch, Danny pulled back so he could watch how Sam's ass clenched down on him. Sam was moaning and thrusting backwards, chasing the brushes of Danny's fingertips against his prostate.

"I'm ready! Please, baby, fuck me, I'm so ready for you."

Danny stood up, keeping his fingers inside of Sam. "You want it? Gonna take me in, love me, hold me? Want you to," he said into Sam's ear, pumping his fingers hard and fast, the weight of his body the only thing holding Sam up against the wall. "Wanna be inside you, fuck you til you scream my name. Fuck, Sammy, so pretty, so sexy. Love you so much."

Danny removed his fingers, and Sam whimpered at the loss as he was turned around again. Sam wrapped his arms around Danny's neck, bringing his heaving chest against Danny's broader one and drawing him into a kiss. They kissed pationately, lips sliding against each other.

Sam pulled away with a gasp, letting Danny hitch him upwards so he could wrap his legs around him. Danny used one hand to guide himself inside of Sam below their connected hip bones, slowly easing the head in as Sam threw his head back and groaned.

They set a slow pace at first, Sam gripping Danny's shoulders nearly tight enough to break the bone. He moaned with his head thrown back, long column of his throat inviting Danny to suck hickeys onto the expanse of skin.

"Fuck! Faster Danny, c'mon an' do me good, honey..."

Danny grunted and sped up in compliance, effortlessly holding Sam up with one arm so that his other could run through Sam's lustrous hair. He snapped his hips, angling down just a little so that his cock rubbed at Sam's prostate.

"Danny! Oh, my god! DaaAANNNNNYYYY!" Sam shrieked, the name of his lover being pounded put of him and drawn out into a scream of intense pleasure.

Sam circled the head of his dick with his fingers, letting it gain the friction he needed to come from their moving stomachs. He orgasmed with the most beautiful expression Danny had ever seen on his face.

Danny fucked him through it, pistoning his hips right against his sweet spot and letting the rhythmic clenching take him over the edge, too.

"Ugnnn, Sam..."

They stood there - or, Danny stood there with his hands on Sam's ass and his mate's skinny legs hanging limp on either side of his hips, foreheads together. Sam panted against Danny's mouth, coming down from his orgasm with a blissed out, satisfied look on his face.

"I love you," Danny said to him, kissing his cheek tenderly.

"I love you too, so much," Sam replied, rubbing their noses together in a feline kiss.

Sam sighed when he got down from his perch on Danny's canted hips. They kissed again, soft and sweet this time, licking at the dried blood smeared across each other's mouths.

"C'mon, come lay down with me."

Danny took Sam's hand, let him lead them down the hall towards the giant memory foam king in the room to the left. Jake said it was ironic that they nearly maxed out a credit card on nice mattresses and bedding when they didn't sleep, but that didn't stop him from enjoying his own. Sam reminded him that there were other things one can do in a bed besides sleep, and that he'd definitely heard Jakey 'use' his mattress in that way.

Danny curled around Sam, wrapping his long limbs around him and pulling up their weighted comforter.

"Hey, why were you wearing a suit? Planning on going out?"

"Planning on *taking* you out," Sam corrected, noting the slight hint of not-quite-jealousy-not-quite-curiosity in Danny's voice. "I was thinking we could go to that nice German restaurant we drove past on Tuesday, I've been craving that schnitzel from the pub in Frankenmuth Village."

"You know it won't taste like it used to, Sammy, even if it was made by Herr Michels."

Sam sighed, "Yeah, I know. But, I still wanna go somewhere nice with you. Show off my man."

Danny laughed softly, tightening his arm around Sam's abdomen.

"Okay, we can go in a little bit. I wanna hold you first, though."

Sam rolled over in his arms, giving Danny an affectionate look. He kissed him, then rested his head on Danny's shoulder. They lay there, basked in the glow of the rising moon, not able to sleep but enjoying each other's company.

They were as connected as connected could be. No longer could anyone say that they weren't brothers, weren't related. They were blood brothers, blood lovers, soulmates for eternity. Their family would continue on in it's love forever.

[adorkablephil]

Fic: Listen (Chapter 2)

Title: Listen Rating: PG Word Count: 2.8K for this chapter Summary: Phil is a successful YouTuber, and Dan is a fan desperate for attention. Sounds like 2009, right? Except Phil is Deaf. Tags: AU, Deaf!Phil, Strangers to Friends to Lovers Author’s Note: All dates are obviously completely fictionalized, including Dan’s little subscriber count milestone. This is an AU, in case you hadn’t noticed. :) Extreme thanks to the Treehouse Mailing List for all their support and encouragement! Fic also available on AO3 here

[Masterlist of all “Listen” chapters on Tumblr]

Chapter 2: Talk to Me

danisnotonfire You said to DM you, so here I am. DMing you. This feels weird. Is it weird? I think maybe Im making it weird. 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s not weird. Or if it is, that’s cool. I like weird. ;) 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire lol 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil I was interested in what you were saying about the FFVII soundtrack. Tell me more about why you like the music so much. 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire Have you lestined to it? 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil No 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire But you play the game, right? It ws in your video 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s hard to explain, but I play it with the sound off. 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire ??? 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil But seriously, I’m interested. Tell me about the music. 8 September 2009

Dan’s passion for music inspired Phil to download the song “Interrupted by Fireworks” and play it loud enough that he could feel the tempo by laying his palms flat on the speakers.

After his roommates complained about the noise, he only did it again at times when they weren’t home.

AmazingPhil This is going to seem really weird, but I’ve felt awkward about bringing it up. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire I am the king of awkward lol 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Bring what up? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s just, we’ve been talking for weeks, and I haven’t said anything about it. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire ??? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Okay, well, I’m Deaf. 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire You cant hear? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Yes, Dan, that’s what Deaf means. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Hey no need to be a jerk about it. I’m just surprised. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Why didn’t you ever say anything? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Well, I thought you would have figured it out from some of my videos and stuff I’ve tweeted, but then when you started talking about music, I just … 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire I am such an idiot. 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil No you’re not! That’s why I didn’t want to say anything! 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire why? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Because I liked talking to you, and I didn’t want you to be embarrassed or something. Or to maybe think I was a freak or something. 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire I dont think your a freak 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire the whole reason i started liking your videos was because you dont talk in them 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire is that weird? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Maybe we’re both a little weird. But I don’t mind if you don’t. :) 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire xD 27 September 2009

One of Phil’s old friends from school had gone all the way to America to attend Gallaudet University, since it was the most highly respected university for the Deaf in the world. She’d had to study ASL in advance, of course, since it was a completely different language than BSL, but she seemed to be really enjoying her studies there. Apparently the sense of Deaf community there was more than she’d even imagined in Manchester. She practically glowed when she talked about her feeling of belonging.

Phil was jealous.

He’d chosen York because of his interest in their graduate program in video postproduction, since he’d loved experimenting with film since childhood, but his isolation as an undergraduate made him wonder how well a Deaf student would be received in the graduate program. Would they even make any accommodation for him in studying what they might perceive as a definitively audio and visual medium?

He and Sharon occasionally Skyped when the time difference allowed, but she now sometimes slipped into ASL without noticing, and Phil found himself feeling like even his Deaf friends were slipping away.

AmazingPhil Maybe we could Skype sometime? I mean, I can’t talk, obviously, or hear you, but we could at least see each other in real life and not just Dailybooth pics. :] 2 October 2009

danisnotonfire How would we talk tho? 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil I don’t know. We could write on paper and hold it up or something? 2 October 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire ok 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil Now? 2 October 2009

danisnotonfire ok 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil YAY! 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil See you soon! 2 October 2009

Dan seemed cripplingly shy in their first Skype call. He avoided eye contact much of the time, which made communicating rather difficult, but he loosened up a bit by the end and even seemed to flirt a bit.

Phil tried really hard not to develop a crush.

He was not particularly successful.

They exchanged phone numbers and began texting constantly, not to mention the lengthy Skype calls. Dan talked about his own interest in making videos, but gloomily doubted his ability to create anything interesting or worthwhile. Phil urged him to give it a try.

15 October 2009

Phil: I think you should upload it. It’s really good. Really!

Dan: I don’t now. I’m afraid people will think its kind of weird.

Phil: Weird is kind of our thing, though, isn’t it? :p

Dan: I just dont want to look stupid or soemething. i mean it kind of sucks

Phil: Dan, it’s brilliant. I promise.

Phil: I have to ask, though. The subtitle thing. Did you do that because of me?

Dan: No. I dont know. Not really. i just liked it. I thought it looked cool.

Phil: It DOES look cool. I just didn’t want …

Dan: what?

Phil: I don’t know. I didn’t want you to be making videos for me like that just because I’m Deaf. I know that sounds stupid. Never mind.

Dan: No i now what you mean. That wasn’t why i did it. I told you i first liked your videos becuz you didnt talk in them. So I guess I liked that style, but mine is different. right?

Phil: Of course! Your style is completely different from mine! I love the old-time silent movie thing, with the title cards and everything. It’s really unique! That’s why I think it’s so brilliant!

Phil: That’s why you should definitely upload it.

Dan: really?

Phil: Absolutely!

[a few minutes pass]

Dan: ok

Dan: maybe tmorrow

When Dan uploaded his first video, Phil tweeted about it enthusiastically to encourage his own online friends and fans to check it out, and unsurprisingly people loved it.

Dan’s unique, silent film era style, complete with occasional sepia tones and use of fancy-font title cards to communicate all dialogue and narration, approached modern-day storytelling and vlogging from a completely fresh perspective. He told stories about his own life, but in a style no one had used before.

People were intrigued. Other YouTubers Phil had come to know over the years quickly began interacting with Dan on Twitter, and Dan gathered an enthusiastic audience almost right from the start.

And Dan’s looks certainly didn’t hurt. Phil tried to ignore any jealousy he felt about the amount of flirting he saw going on publicly over social media. He and Dan were friends. Maybe they flirted, but apparently Dan flirted with everyone. It didn’t mean anything.

23 October 2009

Phil: Are you going to the Halloween gathering in London next week?

Dan: no

Phil: Why not? You’re officially a YouTuber now! You should come!

Dan: I can’t

Phil: We could finally meet. That would be so cool!

Dan: I said I cant

Dan: Just drop it ok?

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push or anything.

Phil: I mean, of course if you don’t want to come, that’s fine.

Phil: I just thought it would be cool to meet you in person.

Phil: I mean, you’re one of my closest friends now and we’ve never even met!

[no response]

[after an hour, Phil logs off]

Phil took the train to London and attended the Halloween Gathering on his own, but felt Dan’s absence keenly the entire time. He brought a white board and a few different colored pens so he could communicate with people more easily, and found that YouTubers were less shy about such things than the average uni student seemed to be. They seemed to find the white board an intriguing novelty and eagerly interacted with him through it.

They didn’t treat him like a freak.

Or, at least, they treated him like their own kind of freak.

He’d discovered a different community. One that wasn’t perhaps as easily familiar and comfortable as the Deaf community he’d grown up in, but a community nonetheless.

He just wished Dan had gotten to experience it, too.

He kept in touch with another YouTuber he’d met at the London gathering, a guy named PJ who had been particularly unselfconscious about using pantomime, facial expression, and the occasional impromptu prop to communicate with Phil instead of relying exclusively on words written on the white board.

Their brains seemed to work in similarly creative ways, and they collaborated on a sort of abstract short film they’d sketched out together on a series of paper napkins during dinner at the gathering. Phil was pretty proud of the way the project turned out, and PJ seemed happy with it, too. They put it up on PJ’s channel, and it got quite a bit of enthusiastic viewer response.

Dan’s blatantly passive-aggressive jealousy about the whole thing was Phil’s first hint that his own more-than-platonic interest might be reciprocated, but he tried not to get his hopes up.

13 December 2009

Dan: I can’t believe I hit 10,000 subscribers!

Phil: Yeah, well, everybody loves danisnotonfire.

Dan: really? so that includes you? ;)

Phil: Nah. Not me.

Phil: I don’t love danisnotonfire.

Phil: I love Dan Howell.

[a minute passes]

Dan: I love Phil Lester, too.

Phil finished his graduate degree in York and returned to Manchester to find himself a flat on his own. He liked the independence but also enjoyed being closer to his family again, and some of his friends from school and college had returned to the area after uni as well.

Returning to some involvement with Deaf culture encouraged Phil to gradually shift the content of his videos, as he became more comfortable openly signing anecdotes about his life, influenced no doubt by Dan’s focus on his everyday life experiences in his own videos.

Viewer response was mixed. Some of Phil’s loyal audience rolled with the changes and seemed to enjoy the more personal glimpses into his life and personality, but others left ignorant, offensive comments about deafness and sign language. He lost some subscribers. Making his content more personal had made the cruel comments feel more personal, too. But when something online hurt his feelings, he just texted a real-life person he knew accepted him just as he was, and it helped.

Being able to sign with people again made his life richer and more fulfilling … and yet he found himself looking forward to his evening Skype calls more than any real-life interactions with his old friends. His family expressed concern that this obsession with a “stranger” on the Internet wasn’t healthy, but they just didn’t understand.

Phil had fallen harder than he ever had before, and with someone he’d never even met in person.

In a strange way, Phil felt simultaneously happier and lonelier than he’d ever been.

11 June 2011

Phil: Are you going to Summer in the City this year?

Dan: no

Phil: You have a lot of fans now. I’m sure they’d like to meet you!

Phil: And there are other people who would like to meet you, too! :p

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Dan?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I said no. Jesus phil just leave it the fuck alone!

Phil: Hey, I’m sorry! I’m not trying to pressure you!

Phil: I’m just starting to feel like this is kind of weird. Like I have a boyfriend I’ve never even met.

Dan: weird is what we do, right?

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Yeah. Right.

Phil: I know.

Phil: I’d just really like to meet you.

[no response]

[after a really long time, Phil logs off]

Phil attended Summer in the City on his own again, painfully aware of how much closer he was to Dan when he visited London than when he was back home in Manchester. Painfully aware that Dan not only hadn’t wanted to attend the convention, but hadn’t even responded to Phil’s desire to meet.

He talked with other YouTubers, made plans for possible future collaborations, and hugged dozens of enthusiastic fans, took hundreds of smiling selfies. But the entire time, he couldn’t help but think that Dan was only 40 miles away, instead of the usual 200. Less than an hour by train.

So near, and yet not within reach. He felt it like a physical pain.

15 June 2011

Dan: remember when you first told me you were deaf?

Phil: Yeah?

Dan: and you were afraid i woud think you were a freak

Phil: Right, but you didn’t. Right?

Dan: of course not you idiot <3

Phil: So what’s going on?

Dan: theres soemthing i havent told you

Phil: You can tell me anything. I love you. You know that.

Dan: but its really weird

Phil: Weird is what we do. <3<3<3

[several minutes pass]

Dan: i dont talk

Phil: Like you’re shy? I wondered if that might be why you wouldn’t go to the gatherings and stuff.

Dan: no i dont talk

Phil: But you talk to me all the time. I’m confused.

Dan: i mean to people. out loud. irl i don’t talk. ever

Phil: Okay.

Dan: ok?

Phil: Yeah. Okay. I mean, I don’t talk either. Are you Deaf too? Is that why you don’t talk? Why didn’t you ever say anything?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: no i’m not deaf i just dont talk

Phil: It’s okay, Dan. I just want to understand. Why don’t you talk?

[no response]

[after a very, very long time, Phil logs off]

Phil didn’t know what to do with what Dan had told him, especially since Dan had sort of dropped a bomb and then just run off without explaining anything.

One thing was clear, though. Dan didn’t like being pushed. When he wanted to talk about this—no pun intended—he would.

Because if one other thing was clear, it was that Phil was willing to wait.

6 July 2011

Dan: You havent brought it up.

Phil: What?

Dan: You havent ever asked about the talking thing.

Phil: I did. You didn’t answer.

Dan: yeah but you havent asked again since

Phil: Did you want me to?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I dont know. maybe

Phil: Okay. Why don’t you talk?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I havent talked since I was 8.

Phil: Wow. That’s a long time.

[a few minutes pass]

Dan: yeah

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Is that why you never wanted to meet?

Dan: yeah i didn’t want you to think I was a freak

Phil: Dan, weird is what we do. And I’m Deaf!

Dan: Well yeah but you dont do that on purpose.

Phil: You do it on purpose?

Dan: sort of i guess

Phil: So you could talk if you wanted to, but you don’t want to?

[several minutes pass]

Phil: Dan?

[several minutes pass]

Phil: Dan, I don’t think you’re a freak. Just talk to me.

Phil: Crap. You know what I mean.

[no response]

[hours later, Phil finally logs off]

Phil did some research into muteness that someone might call “on purpose,” just wanting to understand, and found himself wondering if what Dan experienced was maybe something called “selective mutism” or maybe a “conversion disorder.” As far as he could tell, neither one was truly something anyone did purposely, but, really, if Dan didn’t want to talk about it, Phil wouldn’t be able to understand much at all. He just wanted to educate himself a bit so that if Dan ever did want to talk about it, he’d be less likely to say something stupid and make Dan shut down even more.

12 February 2012

Dan: I have a question to ask you.

Phil: Okay.

Dan: but its making me really nervous

Phil: I love you, Dan. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. I promise. <3

[several minutes pass]

Dan: do you think maybe i could come visit you in manchester?

Phil: Skype me right now this very minute because you have to see how big my smile is! <3<3<3<3<3

[Continue to Chapter 3]