#so if there's like a paragraph that i just. didn't finish. my b

[syoddeye]

more reading recs

because one post isn't enough. we are hashtag blessed with fic.

as requested, i've highlighted fics with noncon and/or dubcon elements in orange. beyond that, you are responsible for reading tags, warnings, and summaries.

pairings are indicated, although these may change or may not be established yet.

there is no method to this madness, no specific order. these are listed here as my brain remembered them.

i've checked all the links maybe three times, if they're broken, i blame tumblr's formatting.

without further ado...

Slasher Handler by @dragonnarrative-writes - Ghost x Reader

"Simon does serial killer things. What a rascal!" Another fantastically written Simon, with wonderful dashes of Gaz and Price. It's put the term 'romance knives' in my vocabulary. There are many quotable bits and moments that made my blood run cold with how normal the ~situation~ feels, but everything has to be experienced firsthand.

The Far Shore by @deadbranch - Soap x Reader

DB's fic collection is rich, and The Far Shore is no different. I fucking loved Pacific Rim, so when I saw her first mention a PR AU, I did imaginary backflips. DB's Readers are some of my favorites because of how complex and realistic they feel, and when combined with the visceral depth of the neural handshake AND Soap? Compelling. The dynamic between them is fascinating. I almost can't wait for it to be finished so I can go back and dissect it.

Falling into Place by @mortuarywriting

Morg's brought the first COD Isekai AU I've read, like a little treat, with A/B/O to boot. The first chapter hooked me and cracked me up. Their dialogue reads so well, it truly feels like I got sucked into the universe. The panicked ramblings, the over-explanation, the 'oh shit, we don't even have a shared cultural touchstone' moments. I cannot wait for more.

Carvings by @femalefemur - Price x Reader

Cyn's got this amazing thing going on called 'Top Quality Worms' where she takes me by the hand and leads me down a rabbit hole I didn't know I'd find so cozy. Carvings is one piece from her incredible list, featuring a bloody, possessive Captain Price. Somehow, out of this entire piece, Price snapping a pen really did it for me. Did someone say loss of control? Oh no, not my kryptonite!

Under Your Spell by @groguspicklejar - Gaz x Reader x Soap

This fic had me at the pairing tag. Lured me right in. No hope for me, and I'm not mad about it. The way Gaz and Soap play off of each other in Under Your Spell is spine-tingling in more ways than one. The definition of scaroused. Kelsi writes a wonderful Gaz. The first two paragraphs in part two, Split My Skin, describe him perfectly to me.

Chokehold by @ccrites - Soap x Reader

Chokehold is a chef's kiss read. Starts off as a cute and sweet gym read, and uh, well, it does get sweeter, in a way. Without spoiling anything, there is a brief cab ride that made me take a lap before things got really going for Reader. CC's Soap is a delightful tease that is tender all at the same time. I'd join his gym in a heartbeat.

Knight/Princess AU by @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world - Price x Reader

I've read and re-read this AU series a dozen times. It's so gd cute, I might need to see the dentist about how it's rotting my teeth. Seriously, it makes ME want to be a princess. Specifically Price's princess. Bear writes such a sweet and gruff Price, catch me holding a hand over my heart and just sighing. I'm also a big fan of multiple POVs and the insight into each character.

Martyr in the Making by @eilidh-eternal - Ghost x Reader

I had a tattoo touch-up the other day, and while waiting, I thought about this fic: the dream and nightmare of being tattooed by Simon and the rest of the 141. It's a dream for obvious reasons (probably unhealthy for me) and a nightmare because of, well, you'll have to read the story. Getting a tattoo can be such an intimate experience. You put yourself into someone's care and get something permanently etched onto your body. When Reader sits for Simon, you're right there with her, the two of you on an altar.

Liquid Smooth by @cordeliawhohung - Gaz x Reader

Bodyguard!Gaz save me, save me, bodyguard!Gaz. Ugh, Gaz is fucking incredible in every flavor, but there is something that hits different about the guy when he's flexing those 'VIP protection' skills. There are several tiny moments in Liquid Smooth that made me audibly whisper, "God, I wish that were me." If you have a conifer tree allergy, you might not be able to handle the god-tier pining. (I'll see myself out.)

pornstar!Gaz by @cordeliawhohung - Gaz x Reader

Gotta include the series that I drop everything for whenever I see an update. Another fantastic depiction of best man Kyle Gaz Garrick. The charm, the jealousy, the care...My personal favorite installments are Whispers and Threesomes.

plus size puppygirl!reader / Simon & Reader / Punishment by @secretsynthetic - Price x Reader x Ghost

Ghost gets his Captain a puppy, and Synth gives us a tasty Price x Reader x Ghost story. I've linked the intro and a Simon x Reader snippet, but my personal favorite is Punishment. Punishment is a deeper dive into Price the disciplinarian: "how the hell do i get a mutt like you to fuckin’ listen?" I'd gush about it, but again, this is another one to read and experience firsthand. One of my favorite recent explorations of a PriceGhost dynamic.

~~

i'll probably cobble another one of these together in may 2024. my fic backlog is something else. i blame it on all the massive talent. mwah.

[kazumiwrites-fanfiction]

Accidental Confessions

REQUEST: I FINALLY THOUGHT OF MY REQUEST May I request Azul, Jade and Riddle getting high because of mushrooms for some unknown reason and confessing to a gn reader bc their ability to stay composed just went completely out the window? It's more of a fluff/crack idea I came up with, sorry if it's not too clear @thehollowwriter

SUMMARY: When the usually cool and composed guys accidentally confess due to... Some interesting foods. WORD COUNT: 1.3k

WARNINGS: Mushrooms (need I say anything else), maybe OOC, Jade and Floyd and Azul shenanigans, they may act like they're under the influence of drugs (no actual drugs in the story though!!), these poor guys (please give them hugs), Ace is chaos A/N: Me, trying to make sure I get everything right: *types in Google* "what happens when you get high" on my school computer Don't do drugs guys :D (I would've said kids but I'm like 96% sure that most of the people reading my fics are in fact older than me) I love how I finished this a while ago and then was like "I'm gonna add a bit more to the end" and it was only like a paragraph- Azul is my favorite, you can see from how much I write for him </3 Also I love fluff and crack, I enjoy writing it the most! Feel free to send more requests like these <3

© kazumiwrites - All rights reserved; please do not steal, edit, copy, repost (etc) my work without my express permission.

Azul Ashengrotto

You know, Azul should have known better.

Jade always went out and got some mushrooms on his hikes, and he seemed pretty confident that he knew the different types of mushrooms.

But one single mistake - a mushroom similar enough to a perfectly fine edible one - and now he felt woozy.

Great.

It wasn't an unpleasant experience - he felt happy in that dreamy way, where you weren't able to comprehend much. But he knew this was bad.

What if he got addicted? That would ruin all his plans for his future. He needed to have a clear head.

He really should've been resting, but unfortunately, Floyd had ran off (most likely so he didn't have to be near the mushrooms). Due to that, Mostro Lounge needed an extra pair of hands.

So when he saw you, he immediately was on guard as much as he could be. Who knows what he could let slip when you were so close, and his thinking wasn't at its best…

He tried to avoid you, but unfortunately (again? Why were so many bad things happening to him today?) you sat at the table closest to him.

He had to go up to you and take your order. Your sweet smile almost made him melt, a soft flush on his cheeks as he just nodded quietly, jotting your order down.

You thought it was odd - Azul was usually the type to chat people up, try to get as much of a profit in as possible - but today was different. It made you a bit worried, honestly.

As you asked if he was all right, Azul's eyes widened.

His mind went blank, and the only words that left his lips were, "Sorry, you were just really cute, and I-" He froze as he realized the words he said, trying to backtrack, but he couldn't think right. "I mean, I just thought your smile was- you- I-" He shook his head slightly. "Forget it," he said, hands shaking slightly out of embarrassment as he turned and walked away.

As Jade had been watching and listening to the interaction, he quickly made your order before handing it to Azul (who had been hoping for some rest behind the counter before seeing you). Jade was saying something about how Azul really needed to be quicker with processing orders - Azul was pretty sure that Jade knew about his feelings toward the Prefect of Ramshackle Dorm.

Azul sighed softly before trudging back to you, the food and drink you ordered held in a tray. "There you go."

As you inquired about what his previous words had been about, he saw the teasing glint in your eyes.

Did you know?

"It was nothing- I just like you a-" A slip of the tongue. Damn it. He hadn't meant to say that. He quickly backed away before almost sprinting to the VIP Room, his cheeks flushed a bright red. He almost ran into the doorframe though (which Jade may or may not have taken a picture of).

Bonus:

"I told you that Azul likes you a lot." Jade smiled, a small glint of his teeth showing. "Did you plan this?" "Jade might've given Azul an unusual mushroom~" That sing-songy voice had to be Floyd's. "I knew it." You rolled your eyes a little. "That was cute, though. Although your method might have been a little mean. Poor Azul." "You can go talk to him after you enjoy your meal." Jade smiled at you. "And Floyd, you haven't had anything to eat. Perhaps you would like one of the mushroom soups I've made?" "No- I've had enough of your mushrooms." A soft whine came out of the other tweel's lips. "But maybe Koebi-chan wants some?" "Thanks for the offer, but I probably should go to Azul as soon as possible." You laughed softly. "There's no telling what's happening to him right now, after all."

Jade Leech

Jade had a heavy mishap on his hands. He had gone a bit overboard with picking his mushrooms, and then Floyd had gone and messed with his careful labeling.

And then he didn't check the contents and labels thoroughly before he put them into a little snack for himself.

So now here he was, stumbling to Ramshackle Dorm for no reason in particular.

It was a wonder how he hadn't stumbled off the path, what with the hallucinations he was seeing.

He stumbled inside (luckily the door wasn't locked), quickly moving to your room.

At first you thought he was Floyd due to how off he was acting. But nope, that was definitely Jade.

"Jade?" Your eyes were wide as you stared at the male. "What are you doing here?"

"I love youuuuu." Well, that was a surprise.

Now you were really wondering if this wasn't Floyd. It sounded like something he would say.

As the tall male draped himself over you, you awkwardly tried to get both of you comfortable on the small chair. It was no use, however, as you toppled off of your chair and onto the ground.

You let out a soft huff, staring up at Jade who had fallen on top of you. How fun…

He seemed to have fallen asleep, relaxed on top of you. Well, at least he didn't seem to have gotten hurt.

You awkwardly patted his hair as you gave up trying to move. The floor was uncomfortable… But you could bear it, you didn't want to stop looking at Jade's sleeping face.

Riddle Rosehearts

Ace, the prankster he was, had put in an insane amount of sugar in some cookies he was making. He had then given the cookies to Riddle.

The unsuspecting Riddle had accepted the cookies, feeling a bit confused. Why was Ace making cookies…? No matter.

He was starting to eat some of the cookies when you had been brought to the Heartslabyul dorm (totally not by force).

You were also confused, and for good reason. Ace was saying something about pranking his housewarden, but to be honest? What reason did he have for calling you here?

You were pretty sure it was just so Ace didn't get punished. He didn't want to keep getting in trouble, after all. Though, the rational thought would be to not prank Riddle at all… But oh well.

"Hey, Riddle," you said, feeling a bit uncertain. You smiled a little at the male.

"Oh- hi, kantokusei." The red-haired male blinked at you, looking confused.

"Yeah, so- Ace dragged me here? I don't really know why, but-"

He paused for a heartbeat before replying. "I don't know why he brought you here either." He sighed softly, shaking his head.

"Well…" You shrugged awkwardly. "Are those cookies any good?" You gestured vaguely towards the plate in front of him.

"They're too sweet." Riddle frowned a little. "Ace has no delicacy in doing these things, he thinks more is always better."

You let out a soft laugh. "Sounds like him." Just as you reached for a cookie, his hand brushed past yours.

He froze, cheeks flushing adorably. All the sugar in his system was making his heart race and not be focused on what he was thinking.

Before he could even question it, he grabbed your hands. "…I like you a lot." he got out before freezing yet again, hands still holding yours. Why had he said that?

Little did either of you know, Ace was wheezing behind the closed door. He had put in a small little potion, nothing major, that caused a person to say what they felt to the person they liked. He had gotten it from Azul, and it clearly had worked.

The deal had been worth it to get blackmail on his housewarden. Now, if only he could somehow use this to get rid of Riddle as housewarden and all of his strict rules… That would be great. Maybe he could even actually win?

As always, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! ♡ Send your thoughts grr

This post has details for requesting, and I also currently have a writing event going on here. Please check it out!

[ragnarokhound]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♥️

Thanks for the ask!! <33 Ohhh my favorite five fics I've written... how dare you make me choose not one but five favorite children lmao but in no particular order below the cut:

Sit, Stay, Speak - DC - Jaytim - Rated E Not my first attempt at Jason POV, but the first fic with Jason POV I actually finished :') I have such a soft spot for this fic because I adore both a) accidentally falling in love with someone in their absence and b) accidental vulnerability. Revealing inadvertently that you adore someone when you didn't think they were listening - and having that reciprocated. Hee hee hoo hoo ha ha

Handstands For You - Teen Wolf - Sterek - Rated E I know most of the folks who follow my fics are here for DC/Jaytim, but this is the fic I thank forever and always for getting me back into writing! Definitely proof to myself that I could do it, start, middle and end :) And if you like the way I write pining, werewolves, and a fun mystery that isn't really that mysterious, you may enjoy this one ;)

open my heart and let it bleed (onto yours) - DC- Jaytim - Rated E Speaking of werewolves, if you've read this one or been following me for longer than five minutes then you knew it would be on this list I think lmao. What can I say, I, tumblr user ragnarokhound, like werewolves (!) and think vampires should try dating them (!!) and biting them (!!!) and sharing the weight of their monstrosity more often (OTL) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Snapshots: Chapter 2 “Tell me to stay and I will be here for as long as you’ll have me.” - DC - Jaytim - Rated M I really enjoyed writing these hurt/comfort prompt fills last year(ish), and of the three I've gotten around to posting (OTL i will finish that last one... eventually... jaytim exchange comes first lmao) I had the most fun with this one! The batfam is riddled with trauma and while I haven't examined it very closely in some of my other fics, I really enjoyed digging into Jason in this one. Sorry buddy ����but at least he's got a Tim to sit with, so... win? <3

not from the stars do i my judgment pluck - DC - Jaytim - Rated M I had a great (if wild and mildly stressful) time writing for jaytim week this year, and while I'm pleased with all of them (secretary fic takes the cake), this one is my favorite of the unexpected fics lol. It started with the last few paragraphs of the last scene, and while I wasn't planning on writing much at first, I needed to support them adequately fjdlsjfafds WE GOTTA EARN THAT BINARY STAR METAPHOR, OKAY, YOU DON'T JUST GET TO DROP THAT SHIT FOR FREE-- (And this is why I have a million WIPs OTL)

(And I barely restrained myself from including literally any of my Sorcerer's Son fics on this list, but thats because a) they are older and I've learned a lot since writing them and b) I know that maybe three people on this planet would care enough about those books to read them, and none of them follow me on tumblr dot com fjdlsfja.

Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND. FELDAR SEPWIN THOUGHT HIS LIFE WOULD BE BRUTALLY OVER AT THE AGE OF 12 AND NOW HE IS A SEER WHO STEERS NOT ONLY HIS OWN DESTINY BUT THE DESTINIES OF OTHERS AND HE DESERVES A HOT, POWERFUL, CLUELESS HUSBAND CHILDHOOD-FRIENDS-TO-LOVERS STYLE, I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL BECAUSE I PILED THE DIRT ON THIS BEACH MYSELF--)

[tragedy-of-commons]

thinking about having lisa minci as a best friend.

imagining her with you, a bit of an anxious recluse. i think she would take care of you, in her own way - watching over you if you doze off in her library during your persistent visits.

your love for books rivals some of the scholars she had interacted with during her time at the akademiya, making her reflect back on memories previously buried under powerful magic and the passage of time.

it takes a while for her to earn the privilege of hearing your endless rants and info-dumping, but when she does, she swears to protect you at all costs. she thinks you're adorable, and your potential is intriguing!

over time, she helps you come out your shell a little; slyly introducing you to some of her friends that she thinks you'll get along with, encouraging you to pursue opportunities you'd normally pass on due to your shy nature.

the latter especially applies to her off-the-cuff suggestion one day, among comfortable silence, "darling, have you ever thought about applying to the akademiya?"

"..i have, but i'm not smart enough for that. the entrance exams are notoriously difficult, and admissions-" lisa holds a hand up, gaze sharpening. "you absolutely are gifted. but don't think about the pressure right now - is studying there something you'd truly want?" you fiddle with a teacup that she filled just moments earlier. "yes. very much so."

"in that case, i know what we're going to do every friday in place of these tea parties!" you gulp in fear.

it's actually just studying. studying a ton, and with lisa as your study-buddy, who prepares you for the entrance exams like a grizzled warrior. she's strict, but it pays off, because you learn a lot. you learn so much that lisa is convinced you don't need the safety net of the study sessions anymore.

being supervised by your best friend during your entrance exams, who actually admits she's an accredited scholar and alumna of spantamad, is nerve-wracking. after, when you're finished and try to back out of actually mailing it in, she scolds you halfheartedly and makes sure it's submitted appropriately.

the weeks go by, and you're not checking out as many books. your leg bounces habitually when you both chat. it makes her frown at the sight of you fretting. but when an envelope addressed to you is delivered to the favonius library's p.o. box one day, lisa is more excited than you are. "cutie, you have to open it! you've been waiting for months!" your fingers tremble around the thick parcel. "b-but what if - what if i didn't get in?" you murmur, doubtful.

"but what if you did?" she counters.

there's a tense pause, and she beams with pride whenever you rip open the envelope with a resolve you're rarely comfortable showing.

your eyes scan the first paragraph of the letter, and lisa holds her breath.

"i did it! they even stamped my application! oh my gods," you're gasping, voice increasing in volume. "i'm going to the akademiya!" this is the only time she'll allow someone to break the "no yelling" rule in her library. "you're going to the akademiya!" "i owe it all to you," you launch yourself into her arms, and she embraces you in tandem. "thank you, so, so much!"

"you did that all on your own, darling. i told you, you're gifted - but you applied yourself, worked extremely hard, and you did it."

from her vantage point, she notices the twinkling of a dendro vision that definitely wasn't there before, resting in your favorite place to sit.

"i did it." you smile, hugging her tighter, unaware of the blessing behind you. she can only hope you'll make decisions you won't regret from here on out. as lisa's best friend, she'll miss you, definitely, but she knows you'd miss the opportunity of chasing your dreams even more.

she'll always be rooting for you, wherever you are.

[eriisaam]

Just a probably-not-gonna-stay-gentle reminder: I only sometimes lurk on Tumblr. I'm not always online at all times, and the reasons why not can vary on a lot of things.

I might be in the middle of commute and literally not near any tech, let alone able to get on Tumblr, least of all after my phone decided to retire itself some time ago (anyone wondering why I don't play FEH anymore? That's why. The phone decided for me "Nope. Not anymore." And I hadn't got around to fixing that since yet.)

It could also be that I pretty much called it a night, be it to sleep, to rest up and unplug from social media after doing a sweep of going-ons, or I'm just really not in a good health or mood, and need to step away for a time to heal and recover. Seeing as I'm chronically ill, that happens a lot whether people like it or not. (Sorry for being snappy, I'm getting ahead of myself on the whys already...)

It could also be all manner of other reasons, like having to step away unexpectedly, stepping away to cook, stepping away to clean, stepping away for a bathroom break, or because I'm busy, or because I'm juggling all manner of things, so even being 'here', I might be slow to react or respond or whatever because I'm rotating through several different tasks on top of Tumblr.

And then there are moments I could be at my bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and peak health in the moment, only for Tumblr Jank ™️ to set in and fuck shit up anyways (messages getting lost, things being slow to post, things not loading for me, Tumblr updating the site so the UI completely shits itself again and I have to wrestle it to get it to work and show me shit, etc.)

The point being, if you messaged me (directly or via an ask otherwise), and if I don't respond right that instant, be patient, and I'll get to it when I get to it.

So far, a lot of this is very "No shit", and all my mutuals had been incredibly great about this.

The people who hadn't, however, had been coming in droves lately, and this led me to a fucking breaking point to even make this post in the first place after way too many of the (now-blocked) you's have gotten too fucking comfortable with lashing out at me otherwise, blatantly ignoring the above.

Lately, I've been noticing a trend.

I get a new follower.

They proceed to beeline straight to messaging me, give or take an ask too. (Usually the ask or message are copypasta's of one another but I digress.)

They proceed to completely dump a whole stream of messages on me.

Half of these messages are about whatever the hell they're here for. The other half, almost in the same breath and back-to-back of the first half, then proceeds to tell me some variation of "I'm so disappointed in you ignoring me", and proceeds to completely lose their shit.

Like paragraphs upon paragraphs of making broadsweeping assumptions of me, accusing me of beliefs and intents and all manner of things ranging from 'gross' to 'chill the fuck out' to 'ok seriously what the fuck is wrong with you?', and based on this headcanon of me they literally came up with on the spot, goes off even more on me.

I come back from my commute/from cooking/from taking a shit/from waking up/whatever, and see ALL of it, start to finish, all at once.

Literally whatever point they make originally gets IMMEDIATELY undermined by all the sheer level of wtf that immediately followed right after.

They get immediately blocked.

They inevitably make another alt, and proceed to do the exact same shit that got them blocked in the first place.

I make moody half-asleep posts like this.

It doesn't even matter what the point they came for was. I've had all range of shit from sugardaddy-wannabes getting impatient with me, to people getting huge mad I didn't react to their reinactment of goatse the .2 seconds they dumped it in my inbox when I didn't ask, crowdfunding, people having a one-sided conversation pretend-befriending me and then dump their crowdfunding on me, the point they're here for doesn't matter.

All this because, again, I could be away from my keyboard for all manner of things, and then come back immediately to this. It shouldn't even need to be said, yet here we are, because people got way too goddamn comfortable with just completely exploding on me for the crimes of not being so chronically on Tumblr I can blog in my sleep, not having teleportation powers to warp instantly wherever, and not being so well that I can sit here for long stretches of time instead of pass out or run off every which way for whatever things.

If you have so much disregard for me that you have unrealistic expectations of how active I need to be to serve you personally 24/7, and on top of that feel comfortable with getting really fucking ugly really quick when I can't or won't, I don't care what you're here for. You will be instantly blocked.

I don't owe you my time, owe you my attention, or owe you being so obsessively scrolling Tumblr on the constant - sleep or self-care or reasons pulling me away be damned - just so I don't disappoint you for not responding to you in the .2 seconds you sent me something.

Thank you for everyone else who are far more reasonable than all the people I had to mass-block who couldn't and wouldn't.

[simonsrosebud]

TSC FIRST REACTIONS (SPOILERS)

i have many more but my brain is mush rn

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jean watching the championship game was heart racing bc WE all know what happens at the end. his reaction to riko’s death is… the detached description of it is so fitting because he barely remembers it himself, he was so disassociated

the fact that his first knee jerk reaction to fear and panic is to claw at his neck until it bleeds is so interesting bc hello that takes strength and PAIN to dig that deep, i don’t understand it even after finishing the book but hoping i get more clarity on my second read.

jeremy and kevin’s relationship is very trusting, i think more than we thought. not the fangirl of each other that we joke about.

jean taking the picture of renee pls shoot me

jeremy’s rage and grief when he finally starts getting a bigger scope of everything jean lived through is a LOT. i wanna scream at jean to just LET HIM IN even knowing he won’t

the in depth explanations of the 16 hour days and all these other little evermore facts that we’re learning and have wanted to know for YEARS… yikes

jeremy calling kevin with no warning asking “did riko break ur hand?” SO BOLD

jeans notebooks crush my soul so hard it’s heartbreaking. and his trinkets😭

“Jean was exactly the kind of guy Jeremy was prone to trip himself up over” OH MY GOD?? there’s a difference between me wanting jerejean vs them actually being attracted to one another.

jeremy is a golden retriever confirmed. “This is Barkbark von Barkenstein. You can call him Barkbark or Mister B for short. It's a bit of a mouthful on its own.”

BLOND JEREMY YAS

jeans reaction to blond jeremy. fully took this man out of orbit.

although he hasn’t confirmed fully, jean being gay (assumption) was almost surprising bc from what i remember from the EC i almost thought he’d lean more pansexual since the ravens kinda slept with whoever (not that he seems like the type to use labels anyway)

“Kevin's words mocked him in the back of his thoughts: ‘Some of them you like.’ Jean cut off that line of thinking so fast he felt dizzy. It didn't matter that Jeremy Knox was annoyingly easy to look at; Jean knew better than to look at another man too long.” SCREAMING?? WAS JEAN THE ONE W THE CRUSH ON JEREMY THIS WHOLE TIME WHILE KEVIN WAS JUST FRIENDS??

and now my chest hurts bc “He was years away, watching a different beautiful boy lean in close to say, Will you teach me when he's not watching? It could be our secret.

Jeremy Cat and Laila seeing the notebooks broke me a little, the accidental invasion hurt

the ravens dropping like flies…

“he hadn’t missed the way Jean’s gaze tracked him when he readied for bed. Since Jean was quick to look away when he was caught, Jeremy had promised himself he wouldn’t ask. This was too good an opening to pass up, though, so he finally said, “More exclusively than you do, I think. Does that bother you?” AHHHHHHHH WOAHHHHHH i threw my phone (also can’t tell if jean looks at cat/laila the way jeremy assumed in that paragraph or if it’s just curiosity, cause it always seems like it’s just curiosity not attraction

Grayson. think we all saw smth like that coming from jeans time in the nest but holy shit

Neil showing up WOAH. i knew his FBI business wouldn’t be over in one day but i didn’t rlly expect that, although it makes sense

im still not over jeremy actually being gay its a dream come true that we all saw and hoped for but still

[king-of-colors]

happy birthday jeremy jordan!!

because it's his birthday, i drew jay gatsby climbing back over the fence after only tea. because i thought it was funny and it turned out better than i expected. colored version and uncolored.

also this. rip the quality (i traced the set pieces on the side and his silhouette guys, no i'm not that good at drawing)

now i'm going to yap about jeremy for far too many paragraphs, feel free to scroll past lmao

some of this may be inaccurate or out of order (or incoherent) because, honestly, i don't remember all the details of my jeremy journey (instinctively went to type 'jordan'-)

okay, so, although i've only known who he is for about seven months, i guarantee that watching hazbin hotel is one of the best decisions i could've ever made. because then i learned about jeremy, fell in love with his voice, then watched newsies. and so my love for musical theater was born and now i'm a complete and utter theater nerd (as many people who know me can tell you lmao).

because i have far too much free time, i will now construct a vague timeline of when i watched/discovered things jeremy's in. like i said, far too much free time.

i watched hazbin on april 1st and 2nd, binged it pretty fast lmao. completely didn't know beforehand that it was a musical, so that was a nice surprise. and, yeah, this lucifer guy, love him to death (haha). then this video popped up on my youtube home page, and i really like hazbin, so sure why not.

fast forward a bit, i looked at jeremy's imdb or wiki page and wait- huh? he's in tangled the series?? (which is actually a really funny coincidence, because a few years back, early on during the pandemic, i watched the first episode of tts. which is indeed the one with varian. so i'd actually heard him before). so i figured, why not watch that, i know jeremy jordan has a great voice.

sometime around here, i start watching yt vids of jeremy's performances. she used to be mine, it's all coming back to me now, all those. also gave the english concept album of death note a listen, since i'd seen it on jeremy's wiki page.

it's the end of april now, and i'm going somewhere with no wifi for a little over a week, so i download tts. (funny story, i accidentally didn't download the last two episodes, so i started s2, and was just confused. like huh?? i didn't see that happen.. my dumbass didn't realize that i was missing episodes until i was like a bit into s2. tragic)

few days in, i remember that i actually have newsies downloaded somewhere, and hey isn't jeremy jordan in that? (recognized it from aforementioned yt vid on hazbin actors) so i watch it and fuck yeah that was pretty good, loved the set especially.

(here's when i added santa fe to my playlist. before i watched newsies, actually.)

fast forward through may (honestly, may was a blur lmao). i finished tts, was briefly obsessed with wicked, discovered a few more projects jeremy was in (lsoh, b&c), found out he could've been in the greatest showman, watched la la land, finally gave chappell roan a listen. stuff like that.

june (and also july)! and, what's this? the great gatsby? (the first three releases) loved past is catching up to me, didn't realize roaring on was noah ricketts, etc. then the bonnie & clyde proshot (i managed to find a slime on yt, unfortunately it got deleted. i do have it downloaded if anyone wants it)

august. watched the last five years (i didn't know it was told backwards from her perspective and forward from his because i didn't read the summary. do you know how confused i was 💀)

september! one of the best months of my life ngl. saw the great gatsby on the 13th (and hamilton on the 25th). saw the whole cast except for noah ricketts (dan rosales was brilliant though). it was amazing bro, no other notes really. when i first saw him on stage, i nearly died, and then he started singing and i actually did /pos. everyone was so good, i can't even

and, yeah, here we are.

i don't know why i decided to make this post help 😭

if you read all this, thank you? i guess?

have a nice day and, idk, stop scrolling tumblr, take a break

[bisexualhobi]

exo - exist review

i just wanna start by saying that this comeback is the highlight of my year already. i did have high expectations because after all, this is exo and their discography is easily at the top of the entire industry... and for groups that debuted over a decade ago they're one of the last still standing, so after a 4 year old hiatus the expectations were high to say the least. did they manage to meet them? let's find out!

the title track deserves a whole paragraph so:

cream soda - a high paced r&b pop song with a luscious instrumental and a collection of high notes that flex the strengths of the group. it definitely packs a punch and i think it would benefit from getting a slower intro but even so, the song doesn't disappoint. it kinda reminds me of a maroon 5 song during their golden years and i think it's the perfect balance of "grown men r&b" and playfulness (coupled with less than subtle sexual innuendos about popping like a soda bottle this is a great evolution for exo, who have been known to always make pussy popping music but have struggled to shed the high school boys image sm is so fixated on giving them). rating: 9/10

regret it - literally straight out of the pcy1 vault and you can't convince me otherwise. soooo happy to hear an r&b jam straight out of the 90s since that is literally exo's blueprint. i love the production on this track because it has enough elements to keep it interesting and the chorus is super catchy. chanyeol takes the crown for me for obvious biased reasons but i love kyungsoo and jongdae's runs in this. rating: 10/10

hear me out - sounds much better like this. like now i get 100% the reasoning behind this song and the style it has. it's really such a chill vibe and a welcome breather after the one two punch of the previous songs. i feel like the prechorus and post chorus of this song could have been amped up way more and a breakdown for the bridge would've made it ten times more fun tho. rating: 9/10

random observation i noticed: the resting silences between songs are a tad too short for my liking. we need to let this marinate and sometimes it does feel like the album is sprinting towards the end.

private party - chanyeol opening the song AS HE FUCKING SHOULD. this beat is nasty... it's the perfect combination of exo's r&b sultry side and a hot sexy beat to shake ass to. it's just fun and good and takes you on a sonic ride from start to finish. i did expect the weeknd vibes from the title alone but i'm glad with the result here. rating: 10/10

cinderella - oh marz. oh you.... i knew exactly what the beat drop was gonna sound like from the second the song started and i'm not mad about it! this is another old school r&b infused serenade song while giving it a fresh modern style with the synth arrangements. taking a point off just because the mixing is too compressed and the synth takes over the landscape in an overbearing way (happens all the time with flume too so i get it but i feel like this could've been prevented here). rating: 9/10

no makeup - okay so the whore music run of this album from private party to no makeup is insane. we get it. these men fuck. they made sure to let us know they're in their 30s and it was about DAMN time. that post that's like they melted their dick and balls into a flashdrive and fucked the console in the recording studio.... yeah. the background harmonies are TOP TIER too but i didn't expect anything less from exo. props to jongdae, minseok and chanyeol cause they were working overtime layering these vocals. rating: 10/10

love fool - deadass was expecting this to be the slower snoozefest of the album... but exo are intent on making every track off this album COUNT. this is such a classic exo jam... every element of this song works in their favor. great melody, great instrumentals, great topline, great chorus. this is PURE quintessential exo. rating: 10/10

another day - this is good song! a great song even. my notes for this one just say "good song. really like it" it's just not something that stuck out to me enough to analyze it further. i think that's fine. the layering of vocals is once again great. i don't love the topline specially for the chorus (feels super nct 127 past their peak) but it's still a good song. rating: 8/10

let me in - this is their boyz ii men serve of the year. perfect closer. perfect slow ballad and i'm not a fan of those in the first place. definitely the vocal highlight of the album. that's all i can say. exo did it once again kids. rating: 9/10

[radishhqueen]

ao3 questions!

thanks @plothooksinc for the tag 🥺💕 i am always psyched to talk about writing.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Somehow I've reached 10 whole works... 9 of which are completed.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 193,772. Shit I gotta write something to break 200k.

3. What fandoms do you write for? rottmnt pretty exclusively. I never have been so plagued by a media that I felt the need to write it down before. Insane that the ninja turtles got me.

4. Top five fics by kudos?

how to get very good at juggling - 1,079

vigilantism for fun and profit - 410

it's too early for this - 322

the ol switcheroo - 321

stuck between a rock and a hard place - 207

5. Do you respond to comments? Yeah!! At least if there's something to like, reply to. I get very giddy about doing it, so if you've ever received a rambling five paragraph essay from me uhhh enjoy my stream of consciousness.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't think any of them have angsty endings? Mostly bc i need all my little guys to be happy. the ol switcheroo is the fic that I cried the most writing though, hands down.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Again, all happy endings, but HMMMM how to get very good at juggling may be the happiest. It's a hard pick tho.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Nah.

9. Do you write smut? Not that anyone gets to see.

10. Craziest crossover? I've never written one! I tend not to seek them out, though there are definitely a handful I'm very fond of.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I'm aware of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yeah! My friend and I have been co-writing a fic on and off since about 2018. It's just for us, really, since it's basically a post-canon fic of an RP that we were in from like 2009-2013ish? Anyway the lore doesn't make sense but the character dynamics compel me so here we are. I've got some snippets and some drawings for it in #rs tag.

14. All time favourite ship? Not a big shipping person!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I intended on writing more for hot girl summer, but considering I haven't updated it in about a year, and I never really had a plan in the first place, and I feel like the last posted chapter ended in a very conclusive place, that ship has probably sailed.

16. What are your writing strengths? The Bit. She's my #1, I never forget. My favorite comments are along the lines of "please stop making me laugh during this very sad section". People have different tastes of course, but I find that consistent, oppressive angst is just not...appealing to me, and if the angst goes on for too long, I'll just drop the fic. I like to add a little levity to the mood, or at least some dark humor.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Ough. Planning is a bad one for me. I didn't have an outline for any of my fics, besides some rough mental plans. for the ol switcheroo, I didn't even have an ending figured out when I started writing it. Actually coming up with ideas can be difficult, and I usually need to have something actively eating away at my brain in order for it to make it onto paper.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? Depends on if the POV character understands it or not. If they don't, I'll usually just write like "Character B said something in Spanish." If they do understand it, I'd write, "Character B started speaking in Spanish. "Do you drink milk?"" Maybe put it in italics if it doesn't seem super clear? The exception would be like, if a character is peppering words from another language, a bit like Leo and Spanish in rottmnt.

19. First fandom you wrote in? Technically I wrote some Pokemon fic back in like 2008. It was OC fic and I could not tell you for the life of me what it was about though.

20. Favourite fic you've written? vigilantism for fun and profit may be the one that I reread the most, though I do reread all the fics in the mean teen fighting machines series. The fic that single-handedly gave me Foot Clan brainrot. Casey Jones isn't even my favorite character in the show as written.

tagging @witchofthemoss @sroloc--elbisivni @crows-murder o/ i would love to see your words

[hecckyeah]

I think sometimes fanfic writers forget that you can indent dialogue inside quotation marks! Here's an example.

Say you have this monologue, but you want to split up the paragraph so it's not just a big block.

Person A said, "Dialogue dialogue. Katie couldn't come up with anything clever for me to say so I'm stuck with this lame paragraph. Anyway, I'll keep talking because that's my only purpose in this world."

Most of the time, I'll see this being done to remedy this problem: (THIS IS WRONG, btw)

Person A said, "Dialogue dialogue. Katie couldn't come up with anything clever for me to say so I'm stuck with this lame paragraph." "Anyway, I'll keep talking because that's my only purpose in this world."

WHEN IT SHOULD BE (notice the quotation marks)

Person A said, "Dialogue dialogue. Katie couldn't come up with anything clever for me to say so I'm stuck with this lame paragraph. "Anyway, I'll keep talking because that's my only purpose in this world."

See how I didn't finish that first paragraph with a quotation mark? THAT'S how you know it's still the same person talking when you add a paragraph. A) So that the monologue doesn't get all stuffed into one long, hard-to-read paragraph, and B) For artistic expression like you'd use in any normal non-spoken part.

This has been: Grammar pet peeves with Katie. more at five :)

[bookish-bogwitch]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thank you @artsyunderstudy, @alleycat0306, @cutestkilla, and @ileadacharmedlife for tagging me in this game!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 22, but I think of only 16 of them as "real" fics. The others are podfics, the pornbot meta, random stuff I could've just left on tumblr, etc.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

108,039. If you subtract the words I didn't write (like 97% of Birthday Man and add words the AO3 didn't capture because they're in screen shots (like Impulse Shopping with Simon Snow), it's more like 75k.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Carry On exclusively. I did set out to write a Buddy Daddies fix-it fic right after the series finale but abandoned it because (1) I actually just wanted to read BD fic, not write it, and (2) omg, it is so much harder to write for a TV show where there's not an existing written author voice to imitate.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Ready or Not (20,698 words) Kudos: 460

Missing (8,823 words) Kudos: 422 (co-written with @oxi-is-a-moron)

Impulse Shopping with Simon Snow (12 words that AO3 can count, more like 5k in the screenshots) Kudos: 328

Birthday Man (39,132 words, of which about 1k are mine) Kudos: 178

Size You Up (6,850 words) Kudos 133

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love getting comment responses and engaging with writers that way.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That has to be What Eats You, but it wasn't angsty for Snowbaz, only for Lamb. 😂 Ooh, and the ending of Missing was sort of angsty--though again, not really for Snowbaz--but I didn't write that part, @oxi-is-a-moron did. (So it's not boasting to say that it's beautiful 🥺.) I have a WIP idea that's still just a summary paragraph. It's extremely angsty with a bittersweet-at-best ending, and I will only ever write it if I decide it hurts more to keep it in my head than to let it out.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Everything's a Story. Because the ending is Baz pandering to ME.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet, but it's been less than a week since I posted the fandom's first bestiality fic, so we'll see.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes--about half my "real" fics are mature or explicit. I find it very very challenging to write, it takes a lot longer than other writing, I think because my discomfort makes me very self-critical. I've come to realize that the sex has to have emotional / narrative significance for me to want to write it--the one time I wrote a sex scene where the whole point of it was sex, I cringed afterward. (Tbf to baby me, it was my first explicit fic and second fic ever and unbetaed, so whatever.) I guess I can deal with writing smut a little better if it's super cracky but even then, I'd want to keep it brief.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope, probably wouldn't. I've thought about "what if Snowbaz time traveled and met Kim and Will from the Will Darling Adventures" but it would be pretty boring my only thought is "they're the same, huh?" (For the record I would read the hell out of that crossover.)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I love collaborating. For WIPfest I finished @facewithoutheart's WIP, What Eats You?. And @oxi-is-a-moron finished my WIP, Missing. And there was Birthday Man, the Simon's b-day round robin with probably most of you reading this. AND @ic3-que3n and I wrote our bizarre tell-all confessional about the pornbots together. And this spring @ivelovedhimthroughworse and I spent a lovely spring day writing to prompts and thought we'd memorialize it. Honorable mention to @ic3-que3n's art in Behind the Magic. Technically I wrote the words (it was CORBB) but the concept was their idea and we did so much scheming and giggling that it felt like co-writing.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Malmage.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

None. I have a long google doc of ideas but don't really think of something as a WIP until it gets is own file and I start writing. I tend to only have 1-2 WIPs going at a time, and right now there's only one, Basil Pitch's Diary. (Of which ~ 200 words are posted but I have 20k+ and plan to start posting after COC.) So, none. If I ever start the aforementioned angst fest there's a good chance I'll bail partway through.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm funny. I'm told I am good at mixing humor and sex and angst. I have come up with some original concepts. I commit to the bit.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

While I might have original concept ideas, I'm weak on worldbuilding. I tend to stick squarely within the canon-verse. I've never written an AU. My only OC was a sentient mop. I've never even written a villain, I don't think. I struggle with making the MCs do things that I wouldn't do myself, for good or bad. (For instance, I've written almost zero love confessions and tend to write around them because I've never love-confessed to anyone I wasn't already dating and even imagining it makes me want to vanish in a puff of smoke.) I am a very slow writer--I'm in awe of people who can bang out thousands of words in a day, or go from idea to execution in hours. If I can manage a steady 200 words a day, not including editing, that's pretty fast. This pace makes it hard to picture writing a really long fic, ever.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've never really thought about it. It could be nice for scene-setting; I love all the Norwegian in @scone-lover's Northern Downpour, it really adds to the atmosphere, and the German in @spockzilla's Twelve Days of Christmas cracked me up. The lack of translations made it that much funnier when I finally looked it up myself, or when the meaning was obvious. (Guten Abend, meine kleinen Twinks!) So--maybe someday?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Carry On

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Ready or Not. It's the only thing I've written that I've also read for my own entertainment.

Tagging everyone mentioned above, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @skee3000, @thewholelemon, @facewithoutheart, @hushed-chorus, @captain-aralias, and @nightimedreamersworld.

[paramorearchived]

September 12, 2012

Transcript:

to be happy now.

fair warning. i am allllll over the place tonight! so hopefully, you guys can follow along down these rabbit trails...

we're officially a little over half-way through the tracking of this album. it feels real-er than ever. i'm starting to understand all these songs more and where they've actually come from... for a minute, it was such a whirlwind of inspiration, emotion, and sweat. now that we've spent some time getting to know the album and growing with it, i can finally tell myself it's real. i can just almost tell myself that it's alright to relax. 

have you ever been that way? haven't you ever said "things are so great right now that i know something's bound to go wrong... any minute." just so you know, i might be the QUEEN of that phrase. maybe it's part of being a total realist? maybe it's just the fact that i've been through some rough situations and i know how awful it feels not to be prepared for the worst? it's been a while since i didn't have my fists in a ball... since i wasn't sort of on the defense, waiting for the attack. if there was an actual good reason for why i lived that way for so long i'd give it to you but now that i'm (hopefully!) passed that, it's a little unclear as to why that would ever be worth it. because now i wake up every morning and i know for certain that there are at least a few good people around me, if not physically then just by an iPhone somewhere, who could look me in the eye and tell me that they love me. i've got just enough blood in my veins and air in my lungs to know that i am definitely not dead. and that could be enough to say outloud, to myself... "You're OK!" 

another thing to consider is what if there is a part of us that doesn't fully want to be satisfied? what if there's something that asks us: if everything is "OK" then what do we have to strive for? to LIVE for, even? that's the constant duel in my spirit! i want life to go smoothly but when it's all working out... i'm sort of bored. ugh. it reminds me of a lyric by mewithoutYou that i've always connected with so deeply. "All I want is to want one thing." how beautifully that depicts our nature as humans to want everything, sometimes multiple things at once that couldn't be more opposite... and in the end get upset with the whole thing and want to get rid of desire altogether. (i digress!) 

what i've had to learn during this last year and a half, is that i might actually just be happy with where life is heading at this point. doesn't mean i'll always feel this way. nothing's perfect... at least for very long! anyway, it might just be OK to be happy now. right now in this very moment. i should just go with it, right? by the way, if i don't sound completely insane to you after 3 paragraphs which all are complete contradictions to each other then i appreciate your patience and flexible perspective. 

all this to say, i feel happy and i feel like my soul is actually being fulfilled. not only by the making of this album but also by the few close relationships i have in my life that have either stood the test of time or have bloomed from virtually nothing since entering whatever phase of my life i'm in at the moment. i'm not waiting for the sky to fall because i know that while the sky is staying up there in it's place, i have my opportunity to live. no more wasting time, hope, emotions, on worrying when, if, or how i could ever be let down again. i'm going to tell myself it's okay to be happy now.

i guess i want to finish this off by asking you what fulfills you. what is it that reaches your soul? it doesn't have to be some profound thing or even anything cool. if you can hold that one thing in your mind and know that you're exactly who you are supposed to be in that moment, then that could be all you need to get from point A to point B. maybe i want to finish THAT by saying, let's all listen to "One Thing" by One Direction and sing it to each other. you've got that one thing and guess what? it doesn't even need to be named. cause you just know and so does One Direction.

ok, i don't know how you made it to the end of this.... love you, mean it.  hayley

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 16: Moby Dick

Finished Moby Dick today, finally. (Yeah, Whale Weekly ended about a month ago but I've not been keeping up for some time, just accumulating a backlog and then mini-binging, whoops.)

This was definitely a weird reading experience, and I'm glad I did it, because I don't know how long it would have taken me to work up the courage to tackle Moby Dick otherwise. I also sort of freed myself from...thinking about it too much. Just let the totality of the experience wash over me rather than worry about every single detail etc.

Reading it on this sort of timeline was also interesting... on the one hand, the slowness (and chillness I personally brought to it), meant I remembered a lot less, and thus didn't connect details easily/lost a lot of the foreshadowing. On the other hand, it seems rather appropriate for the Bigness of Moby Dick, and while I don't think this was really a 'real time' telling (obviously not a book that lends itself to that in the way Dracula does), it was closer to real time than just reading it at a personal pace would have been, which allows for something of the scale of Ishmael's experiences to come through.

In some ways I'm a bad reader for this book because, as I have been contemplating lately, I really am not one to read for metaphor or symbolism. Maybe this is some sort of fault in me but also... I don't care lol. I was thinking about this after watching Hereditary (B: it's a metaphor for family trauma; Me: but is it interesting?) but I think it's just true for me in general. I can't remember the last time I really approached a text with the primary purpose of dissecting symbolism. Sometimes it's like really damn obvious (....Moby Dick) but generally I prefer to read on a literal level and my primary interest is really in structure. Man I fucking love a well structured narrative. And I love close-reading paragraphs on the level of vocabulary choice, pacing, rhythm, grammar, sound.

So anyway Ahab failed to kill God or whatever--but why is this novel so weird? (<- Rhetorical question). Fascinated by the context given (and not given) in the introduction and the hints of Ishmael now, this nearly-invisible framed; the interludes of whale facts or side quests and when and where they're placed; the breaks into other genres like scripts/plays, or short stories outside the novel structure; the way that Ishmael increasingly disappears, or distances himself, from the action as it goes on. Where is he? Where is the narrator in this? And why, why does it end with him literally lost at sea, the barest explanation as to why he isn't dead. Like he's been swallowed up by his own story. Like, perhaps, like Pip, he never really came back after being faced with such existential horror as the whole sea and whole sky all around with no end and no other human life to be seen. It feels like there should be more. And yet what more could there be? The story's done. (Also obsessed with where stories end but I won't go into it here.)

Anyway--interesting. I'm not really done with it mentally but I also would rather just read things that explain it to me rather than really try to come up with deep thoughts of my own, especially after having read it the way I did. Final thoughts: Ishmael is my favorite little freak of nature, Moby Dick did nothing wrong (you came into the ocean, where he lives), and neither has Queequeg ever in his life, and Ahab's really lost his damn mind.

[gloryride]

WIP WHENEVER

I was tagged by @alphanight-vp @chevvy-yates @just-a-cybercroissant @rosapexa thank youuuuuu !

I have things but not visuals, just ideas and talking.

>> VP

I have anything to show, the last big project was the CP Birthday and took all my energy. I cleaned up my vp idea and i have ... 72 lines XD If you want an idea (sorry it's in french) :

>> WRITING

I'm in mood for writing, but it's chaotic, i have many MANY drafts on my phone and pc with some paragraph, just idea, a dialog, nothing full. But i can show you one of them

So, just another snippet of Virgile/Eve fic, i really need to finish this chapter, but translation takes lot of time (i can't full write in english)

"You never asked me what's my job." He coughed several times under the glare of the other disdainful customers before catching his breath, avoiding her look. This must have made him suspicious in the eyes of the woman in front of him; he always looked like a child caught at fault when confronted with moments like this. Virgile remained silent and Evelyn resumed, resting her elbows on the table, not giving up. "Because you're not interested? Or you know and you don't want to talk about it?" More than red, he was turning crimson. His gaze was on the restaurant's décor, the sleek modern style, the chrome accents to underline the white walls where hideous gaudy pictures were hung to make it look like art … everywhere but on her. Unable to escape, trapped by his chair and his lunch, he finally took a breath, and whispered, "I already know". She didn't seem offended, quite the opposite. "Thanks to NetWatch or…?" He cut her off with a firm gesture, finally turning his gaze towards her. "I would never use my job to get information on someone. We're adults, we can… talk." He sighed, his leg trembling and his hands twisting as if he were telling a shameful secret. "Because I've been to Clouds before and met you there." He thought he'd never have this conversation, Evelyn talked little about her private life and he'd hoped she'd continue to do so without having to justify anything. His heart raced and his hand caressing the back of his neck betrayed his nervousness. For her part, she continued to smile, almost amused, then took on an air of conspiracy as she moved a little further forward. "And you're ashamed of something?" Her steady voice sought information, perhaps she was imagining what they might have done. Virgile had difficulty swallowing before answering, his gaze shifting. "I don't know," he replied. "Is it wrong to take advantage of someone's unconsciousness to get rid of problems?" "By get rid of your problems, do you mean … sex?" Virgile's face froze and he opened his eyes wide. With a sudden movement, he almost spilt his drink. "What? No! No ! " He saw her laugh as he tried to calm down. "I never wanted to… with a doll."

>> MODS

I have ... 5 XL mods waiting to finish XD 2 old mods i port in XL, 2 clothes and 1 thing. I don't like to talk more about it bc they're not finish, not much pics And now i'm done with npv commissions until february, i can mod for myself. So i need to :

update NPVanessa (new tattoos, new clothes, new hair)

update NPV Oscar (new clothes - young version)

redo NPVirgile (with his style i created for him)

redo NPV Isao (i borked him and now he has a wardrobe)

redo NPValentin (new body with Gymfiend, new clothes)

finish NPV Mieko

Would like to finish Enzo's scars on his hands too, and so update his npv too. I also want to finish my custom npcs for Eve for example (maybe release it ? idk) i want to learn to do props, i failed for CP bday, i found a plan B I want to learn to port clothes, i bought some because they were on sale but that's it I want to learn custom poses bc i have ... 3 sets in mind ! ... i will never have time until february XD

tagging (no pressure of course !) : @breezypunk @medtech-mara @cybervesna @nananarc @mhbcaps and anyone who wants !

[such-familiar-distance]

I've been on a full re-read since SSR ended and this paragraph just blew my brain up:

The so-called translation was actually a vicious satire of the Maecenas translation, a gruesome slow murder of the beloved as Catulla slowly drank her blood and drained all the life from her. It lingered lovingly on long, horrible stanzas of Catulla devouring the unnamed beloved. The whole thing was dedicated to Maecenas, who Marcus had always thought of as the best writer of the generation and who modeled his own writing on when he’d been young and stupid and full of ambition. By the time he finished it, late in the evening and too drunk to put it away when he should have, Marcus stared at the fire in the grate and felt ill.

I can't stop thinking about Calla/Maecenas now, and wondering what their relationship looked like. Was Maecenas more of a Marcus or a Julius? Is Calla more of a Kal or someone else? Was the annexation how Calla got away? Do you have any Calla/Maecenas scenes floating around in your mind?

Anyway, I can't begin to describe how much I love this series, so thank you eternally for writing it.

I'm so glad that you enjoy it and that you asked!! Calla and Maecenas are/were a whole hot mess of love and resentment in a different way to Kal/Marcus. For one thing they have a bigger age gap, with Maecenas (who I need to find a first name for, but I haven't settled on one yet) was in her late thirties when she bought Calla circa age 16, and Calla spent longer with Maecenas than Kal did with Marcus (almost 15 years vs Kal's 6).

I meant them to be a parallel to Kal and Marcus but in a different direction than Aurelius and Marcus uncle; Maecenas has her writing career, has a prestigious position as a literature professor, has a lot of social capital that she could potentially use to help Calla as a writer in her own right, but chose not to. Maecenas had Calla educated similar to how Marcus had Kal educated, but then used her as an unpaid editor/translation assistant/secretary.

When Calla started writing her own work Maecenas was very “that's nice dear” dismissive until Calla's work started getting publishable and then started actively undercutting her in the mode of you'll never be anything without me/your work will never be good enough/you're just imitating better work and you're never going to be original. Never physically abusive in the way Julius was, but much more actively emotionally abusive than Marcus was. Calla had so much of her personhood and self wrapped up in Maecenas’ education/approval of her from a very young age that she internalized all of that as true. She took off a little earlier than Kal but in the same year, around the time that war was looking likely rather than in the first few months like Kal did.

So Calla's still Working Through Some Shit in two different ways when Marcus vs Kal meet her; her first published work that Marcus reads is something where she's allowing herself to be angry for the first time, and Maecenas’ review that Marcus remembers reading was so devastating to her that she didn't write anything else of her own (besides the Pickwick Papers and reviews stuff she writes to support herself) until the love poetry that Marcus reads her working through in the coffeehouse section where she's working on forgiving herself for having loved someone who hurt her. (I am not subtle, Calla's two works are parallels for Kal's emotional arcs/Marcus' knowledge of Kal's emotional arcs in the two timelines lol).

I'm too deep into a Cyril thing I have in draft right now to have much thoughts about specific Calla/Maecenas scenes, but I imagine Calla sees her later in life, when Calla's closer to the age Maecenas' was and Calla builds the meeting up as this big confrontation and then it ends up being kind of anticlimactic and non-cathartic for her because Calla's mostly worked through the love/fear/resentment she had and by the time she sees Maecenas' again there's not much emotion left there for Calla, for better or worse.

I hope you enjoy your reread!!

[izzy-b-hands]

So. I'm allowing myself a vent post or two abt Stuff in the Brain today that won't fuck off, but it'll all be under a cut if I feel I'm at risk of being too wordy so folks don't gotta see this if they don't wanna. And on this one I did get wordy, multi-paragraphs so. fair warning if u decide to be brave and read thru it lol

I'm behind on getting Mum a bday gift. Like two weeks behind. Partially bc money, partially bc the thing I really wanted to get her involves bidding on ebay and attempting to win a listing (and I just haven't managed it yet lmao), and partially bc like:

For once I've been living my life for me, thinking abt me and Housemate first and foremost, and focusing on what I actually want/need from day to day, and that means I'm away from my phone a bit more than usual, which means I've missed some calls and texts from Mum and just haven't been as Available via phone/apps/etc as I've been in the past

(including one time in the last week or so where Housemate and I stepped aside to the kitchen to make ourselves mac n cheese, and Mum was late to calling me for a planned call, so I figured I was safe to leave the phone by the couch while we cooked. Nope! In that less than half hour, 25 mins at most that it took us to finish mac and get plated up, she figured we'd both A. fallen down the stairs and were now dying from brain bleeds while the cats sniffed us in panic and fear B. decided to cut her out of my life forever and so now I wasn't going to be answering her calls (tho this point I didn't know until a much more recent text where she admitted to it and did say she was ashamed of feeling that way.) )

So I really need to get something out to her, either the chocolates I was planning on sending for her and the family from a local shop, the Snoopy Build-A-Bear plushie with a lil 'I miss you' tshirt and a voice thingy inside it with me telling her to remember that I love her and am always grateful for her help and care and things like that, whatever will fit lol (this is the fucker that triggered this whole train crash of a set of thoughts today lmao), and/or something from one of the ebay listings I've been trying to get (I just need to accept it and pay the buy it now price considering what the thing is isn't like. Uber rare? But apparently Bon Jovi doesn't have their figurines made any more, so they're a bit harder to find and I'm gonna risk not getting one at all if I don't just. do the dang thing lmao)

I'm thinking the Snoopy would be best/easiest for rn, but I keep getting stuck on what I'll say for the recording and it's so dumb but like:

I know, for the sake of both of us and the deeply grown and intertwined sort of emotionally incest-flavoured codependency Mum and I have, we probably should eventually try going NC or LC for at least like. a month or two in the future? Probably even a bit longer? Not as like a 'this is forever' thing (unless something would happen that would point to that as the best option for both of us), but just until we can maybe both heal a bit and work closer towards something even vaguely approaching a more normal mother/son relationship.

And the particular fear is very silly but like. I'd hate to say the things I have planned, that I mean (I do love her, and I know she does her best, and so I'm grateful for every bit and every sort of help she's ever given or will ever give me), and then we someday go NC or LC, and she's hurt by having the plush and audio around as a reminder of how things were before. I could see her throwing it away in a fit, and then being so sad and begging for a new one by the next day. And I'd want to get her one. I don't know if that's right of me or not.

Like, the trauma has me Entirely overthinking this and I know it's ridiculous, you know? But still. Got the Build-A-Bear tab open on my phone bc the chocolate is at least partially to be shared, so that's Not Enough as a partial belated bday gift; and I'd like to hit another paycheck (or part of it, since the uni rarely puts the full fucking direct deposit in on scheduled payday lmao) before I try for the Bon Jovi figurine (and hope it isn't bought before that point.) So the plush is really the best choice, and I don't want to wait any longer to send anything out bc like. Her bday was at the beginning of March, this is fucking ridiculous of me and not how I like handling gifts at all, for anyone!!

Fingers crossed I just. Get the fucking recording done, get it ordered and have them send it out to her, and that'll be enough until I can get my hands on a figurine and/or order the chocolates and candies for her, her bf, and to share with the rest of the family.