#so if i had a kid it would be like. legitimately triggering for me to have to send them to school. i’d feel so much guilt and fear over it.

[areyouwho-ithinkyouare]

the sheer amount of therapy i would have to go through before having kids would add like….. at LEAST £15000 to the cost of that already extortionate life stage lmao

[lastoneout]

Y'all ever look back at your childhood and remember moments where your parents did something that you would never do to another child in a million years BUT was frustratingly undeniably effective?

And like I don't mean spanking, hitting your kids is wrong no matter what, I mean like when I was 5 I was scared of worms bcs they were different and gross but my Nonna wanted to teach me to garden and you HAVE to not freak out when you find worms, so despite the fact that I was squirming and crying she just grabbed my hand and put a worm in it, and I was immediately like "oh this is fine actually" and then I was never scared of worms again.

Like, she probably shouldn't have done that, especially bcs that's the attitude my family had about a LOT of stuff and I now am legitimately phsycologically triggered when I go through something upsetting and/or painful and someone says "see that wasn't so bad, now was it?" bcs I view that as them belittling my feelings and physical comfort......but listen I'm not scared of worms anymore!! That one sure did work!!

[bloggingboutburgers]

I think everyone will benefit from properly tagging posts. xreader fics abd ship fics ONLY include the relevent _x_ tags but none of the character's name on its own, allowing all the usual fanart, theories and such to stay on the main name tag and not be crowded out by horny fanfiction (I say this as someone who very much enjoys very horny, very smutty xreader fanfictions. I want to be able to search the fics I want directly without having to trawl through headcanon posts, fanart, unrelated ship posts, etc.).

No one really has a tailored experience on the internet (I'm glad tumblr is at least a little more user dictated than advertiser algorithm based), but I do get the frustration and discomfort that comes from the abundant hornyposting feeling inescapable.

It's tempting to take offence to persistent cries against xreader stuff. I like special POV episodes of shows for the same reason I like xreader fics. My favourite characters WERE the company I kept, my only real form of companionship (albeit simulated) for many many years. Not because I am allo, basically. I sought something to meet my social needs growing up where I was unable to find community or companionship in real life.

Unfortunately, because they are usually sexual in nature I just came to associate a need for human connection with sex (so am I allo or just conditioned to blend sexual, platonic and romantic feelings and actions together?). I was just happy to feel like I had someone to hang out with. I knew they weren't real and that I needed to find real people to connect with (not for lack of trying, kids are just cruel. Finally made friends as an adult, yay).

Didn't intend for any of that to be so sad or pathetic, but hopefully it gives context for the prevalence of xreader fics. Alongside the varied reasons people write / read them (no just blind allo horniness), especially in light of the widespread loneliness epidemic over the past decade.

It's still more than ok to not want anything to do with them either (be it due to being aroace or not - I know plenty of allos who find xreader fics cringe).

Something I need to clarify here – we get it. Well, we don't fundamentally get it, but trust me, we've been told time and time again why people would write/draw/be into xreader content (it's all part of the package of "aroaces MUST put themselves in allo people's shoes at all times"), and we know they're perfectly legitimate reasons, and we don't find it sad or pathetic, or cringe. At the very least I don't at all. That's not what it's about. It's not something as surface-level at that.

The thing is... The same kind of understanding effort is VERY rarely put forward in return for us. And the fact that we're perceived as naysayers is symptomatic of this. We're not crying against xreader content. People are free to do whatever they want. We just want it to be tagged to keep ourselves safe, and so we can appreciate some variety and find fandom content we can properly connect with with the identity we have.

The issue isn't that there is xreader content, or heck, that there's lots of it. It's that, as @kaoruko-han put it, "everyone is assumed to be into this", and that you can't express something as simple as "I'd rather read something else" without being finger-pointed as a villain.

Yeah, no one has a tailored experience online, but there's still a very clear lack of balance on what is acceptable to tailor to or not (and for us, that includes tumblr). And trying to find fan-content while being sex-repulsed? Bruh, you'd better pray on your lucky stars and be ready to trudge through an ocean of stuff that's loaded with the very thing that makes you scared, uncomfortable or downright triggers a feeling of sickness in you, because a lot of it ain't tagged. An alarming amount of people don't bother, because why would people like you exist, right? There's only ever them, and puritan bigots. It's that black and white in a lot of people's heads.

Here's the difference though: we, too, want people to be able to vibe to whatever fan content they want. We just wish "people" included us properly in this case. As it stands now, trying to find fan content that won't give you an uncomfortable feeling as a sex-repulsed person feels kinda like this (I'll try to illustrate that to the best of my ability as a vague comparison, please no one take that as a clear parallel, I'm literally just trying to explain how it feels in a way people who have no idea how it feels might understand): you're not into gore at all, you don't wanna look at it, but your streaming platform keeps recommending you those series that are loaded with gore. You try to filter it out, but no matter where you go, you keep being recommended those series. And no one ever gets your discomfort and you're being branded as nothing but a wet blanket for not wanting to see gore. It's kinda like that.

At this point I admire sex-repulsed or romance-repulsed people who still TRY to find anything at all in fandom spaces. I've stopped reading fanfic altogether and I've largely stopped engaging with the large majority of fandom spaces for those reasons. And that wasn't an easy choice, or one that I find fun because it feels incredibly lonely, but it's the result of years of exhaustion and strain on my mental health trying to navigate something that's so hostile to me at its core, even if it's unintentional.

So... Yeah. We know the reasons, just like the content itself, they're kinda impossible to ignore. But we are largely being ignored in this, and it's not just something at an "ick" or "picky" level ; for a sex-repulsed person, being spammed with sex entails much more than that. It's not even frustration anymore at this point, it's downright despair a lot of the time. So... Yeah, like you said, everyone would benefit from stuff being more properly tagged. For us it'd be so huge to know our safety is taken into account – that we're taken into account at all. Thing is, we're not, and we're so invisible in this and most other things that at this point, I don't have much hope. Sex-related controversies allo people can understand would sooner create a change than anything done for our sake.

[cocogum]

Nora is being indirectly mistreated by her own family.

(And why my Noramalia obsession is slowly increasing-)

I don’t know why this happened the way it did but episodes 7 and 8 FED ME SOME GOOD NORAMALIA MOMENTS ✨✨

Also, let me just say how episode 7 ended up being the FIRST EVER recorded conversation between Amalia and Nora and it was WONDERFUL 💕💕

My girl is always the one complaining first but for once, it’s Nora who beat her to it 😭😭

I never thought I’d see the day when someone else would say their complaints out loud and it would be AMALIA OF ALL PEOPLE to try to look at the positives of the situation!

No matter how many times I keep analyzing how these two behave around each other throughout these two episodes, my heart keeps fluttering cuz I see NO FLAWS WHATSOEVER IT’S PERFECT ‼️‼️💖💖💖

Just look at how Amalia keeps being the one supporting Nora and snapping her awake from her panic attacks!

You’d usually think the ones who’d help her often with her problems would be Yugo, Qilby, and even Adamaï, her actual BROTHERS, or even her own mother but NO!!! It’s AMALIA!!!

Amalia saw how Nora looked super out of it during the battle and decided to go to her and snap her from her trance AND EVEN HELD HER SHOULDER OMG ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!?

But you’re gonna tell me: “chillax dummy, she only did that cuz it was the right thing to do. Yugo was busy supporting Adamaï and Qilby’s just being a dick.”

Oh yeah?

Well I reject ur premise.

Amalia is such a good girlfriend that she KEEPS BEING BY NORA’S SIDE EVEN AFTER SHE CALMED DOWN.

Ankama could’ve made Joris support her instead since he was free but nope! It HAD to be Amalia 💕💕

Just look at how my girl keeps holding her from behind and making sure she’s alright.

Keep in mind that Amalia has no idea what’s going on with Nora. This is the second legitimate time she sees Nora like this (since Nora also had one of those moments back in the Sadida kingdom) and Amalia does not know if her frozen state usually happens when she sees something that triggers her or if this is just something that Nora gets from time to time.

Whatever Amalia may be thinking about this, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s the only one in the group who realized her peculiar case and did something to help her.

Not only is this character development for Amalia, but it also shows how she caught Nora’s odd behavior much more quickly than the others. And it only took two times for her to see it to do anything about it.

LOOK SHE’S STILL HOLDING NORA ‼️‼️‼️

Are you seeing this shit⁉️⁉️⁉️

How the hell am I the only one addressing Amalia’s care for Nora???

And Nora just lets her!

Even after her little panic attack ended, she still lets Amalia touch her back for support!

This is honestly such a cute detail and I love how the small noramalia moments are treated like this 💖

When you really think about it, the relationship could work, especially for Nora’s part.

Nora’s family is especially messy and chaotic. Her mother is too traumatized by the necromes to do anything about her situation or even ask her how she’s feeling. She didn’t even have an alone talk with Nora to properly talk about how she was feeling. I bet that even when Nora had managed to save the Eliatrope goddess and got to be alone for some time, not even once did the Eliatrope goddess ask her anything cuz Nora was too busy consolidating her mother while internally freaking out for her brother.

Yugo and Qilby are just fighting with each other while Adamaï stays on the sidelines and doesn’t try to get closer to his mother, preferring to put some distance between him and her.

So who’s left to talk about her troubles or to let out her frustrations and misery?

Amalia.

The only person who attempted to help and noticed she had something off.

The only person who, despite not being family or even a divinity, attempted to do anything about her case.

The only person who stayed next to her and placed her hand behind her back even when she stopped freaking out.

Amalia would be a good person Nora could choose to go to for her problems.

It’s clear to see Nora had no room to breathe or place herself first at any moment that we got to see her. Her mother and her brothers are taking too much space and they don’t seem to realize how much she’s got to lose despite the evidence plastered right in front of their faces. Even when Nora explains to them how she managed to find their mother and how Efrim had to sacrifice himself in the process, she gets absolutely no words of consolidation from her brothers or her mother.

Instead, she just gets looks of sympathy from Yugo and Adamaï but it’s clear that they don’t seem to be sad about Nora being stuck in her dofus but rather because she lost her brother. For a primordial eliatrope to understand that their dofus won’t hatch because their sibling got infected means that they’re aware they can predict their time of “death”, ending their continuous cycle and rebirth that was supposed to last for eternity. Since the eliatrope council cannot die and constantly come back to life, this could technically be considered their actual death.

Upon knowing that Nora knows this however, the Eliatrope goddess simply says :

What kind of answer is that?!

Her mother is basically implying that there’s no hope for Nora but at the same time is saying that she loves her??

She does realize that her words feel empty now that she told her she couldn’t let that happen again right?? She’s basically indirectly saying that Nora is a lost cause.

It's clear to see that Nora has much more to lose than her other family members.

She’s the only one who lost her brother for good and will likely not get reborn in her next life with him because she’ll be stuck in her dofus forever. To be able to get reborn over and over again but not be able to anymore because your brother froze the cycle is a fate worse than death. She’s the only one who’s hiding her sadness and pain to give space for her mother because she thinks her problems are way less important than what’s currently going on. She’s the only one having panic attacks and thinks she’s seeing her brother everywhere. She’s the only suspect who is likely the reason why the portal to the necrome world is even there and is very likely the sick eliatrope.

So to have Amalia do this small and kind gesture for Nora made my heart warm up at the fact that she IS worried for her and is still holding her up after she had her little struggle.

Their relationship doesn’t even need to be romantic. Just as long as I get to see Amalia be by Nora’s side for anything, I’d be happy.

Cuz to be real with you, I’m starting to get annoyed that her family doesn’t seem to understand the level of severity of Nora’s case.

If Amalia noticed Nora was having a panic attack, then she could notice her struggles hidden inside her if Nora confided in her. (this also means her family should be able to clearly see it but since they’re not doing anything about it, they shouldn’t be an option for Nora to go to).

And that’s what I would like to see.

A moment like this where Nora can properly rely on someone who isn’t her family.

But for a romantic relationship, I can definitely see it too lol

Amalia’s usually the one speaking her thoughts so shamelessly but Nora might as well take her place and be a boss ass bitch while Amalia’s the more caring side and supports Nora and hears her troubles.

That can be a good dynamic to see. We only saw a glimpse of it when Nora was complaining about the rulers of the world. So it’d be nice to see these two talking to each other again like this.

[nxathyx]

Fyodor

This is a mixture of crack, slightest angst and some light smut!!

I love Fyodor but I also love insulting him

Trigger warnings: suggestive themes, mentions of murder, swearing, insults, mentions of religion,he's lowkey toxic asf, Fyodor is a discord moderator and a roblox sugar daddy with lice😕😕

°I legitimately believe Fyodor wouldn't be able to love or find the mental capacity or motivation to care for anyone (unless he actually needs that person for their plan)

°that being said, we'll just pretend he does love and care for you, Kay? (stay delusional💋💋

°Fyodor never talks about his family because he has a bad relationship with them and he legitimately wouldn't enjoy hearing you rant about it neither

°honestly he has a pretty bad temper and can easily snap at you for the smallest mistakes

°afterwards he makes himself out to be a victim as he manipulates you 😋😋

°I feel like Fyodors ideal way of spending time with you would be just sitting in silence enjoying a book or just the both of you mind your own business

°he likes recommending you books and then hearing you talk and rant about them, talking what you enjoyed, what you didn't enjoy, ect. (especially if it's one of his favorite books that he wishes to re-read but can't due to his entire attention and time keeps going to his plan)

°I feel like Fyodor would be attracted to fur coats like idk why (NOT LIKE THE COAT ITSELF BUT YOU WEARING THE COAT YKYKYK???)

°Fyodors fangs are sharp because I said so???

°I don't know why but he gives me biter vibes

°like he just bites shit

°he hasn't washed his clothing for like 5 months

° he used to have a full skin care routine (more so like creams so his skin wouldn't dry and then crack) but he stopped due to the lack of time

°he cares a lot about his oral hygiene

°his lips are a pretty dark red or at least look really pigmented because his skin is incredibly pale

°he brushes his hair with a broken hair brush Nikolai got him from goodwill

°once he dyed his hair purple with a sharpie

°he scams kids

°he definitely had a YouTube channel when he was like 8 (that's his villain backstory btw)

°he's an average twt user

°he had extremely sensitive hearing but can now barely hear on his left ear

°he used to pray really often when he was a kid but after time he started backing away from that and does it on occasion

°he has really bad eye bags

°he can't walk up stairs without gasping for air

°once he tried looking for some guy he needed for something through tinder

°he doesn't enjoy vodka (he prefers wine imo)

°once he got into an argument with a polish citizen about WW2 (I'm polish therefore this is cannon now)

°he got banned on roblox after calling some girl a cunt

NSFW

°his body is skinny asf yet his abs are the slightest bit toned

°his nipples and tip are really rosy

°very good hygiene regarding his dick

°he prefers taking you from behind because his family used to shame sexual acts of desire

°very long fingers yet he doesn't know exactly how to use them

°he lights candles and actually tries to have a mood setup

°he's super into hair pulling

°loves getting sucked off

°doesn't do foreplay nor does he try to hard with aftercare

°always showers after sex to wash his "indecency" off

°he wouldn't mind getting his dick crushed by your heel

°he prefers receiving cause his anemic fragile body doesn't have energy for a lot

°pants a lot

°is a smooth talker yet he isn't much into degrading just prefers to stay silent

°interested in wax play and role play

[popstart]

Total drama characters as Webkinz

continuing the series of total drama characters as random stuff i like. the vast majority of these are classics because i played this game in 2010 and "collected" (looked at them longingly on the internet because they were too expensive/rare in my country compared to the US) the toys a little past that and so theyre the ones im most familiar with. As always these are in (mostly) alphabetical order

Alejandro: Royal Cobra (eStore)

Beth: Eluvant (Classic)

Bridgette: Blue Trigger Fish (Classic Lil Kinz) that my sister accidentally named fluffy as a kid and got really mad when i called it smoothie not understanding the implications of calling a fish smoothie at the time when fish vs blender content was widespread online and while my sister was a big fish person with a 20 gal fish tank

Cody: Key Lime Dino (Classic) That my brother had as a kid that pissed me off really bad and still kinda pisses me off

Courtney: Signature King Charles Cocker Spaniel (Signature) because i thought i was better than everyone as a kid for owning a signature pet then i realized it literally wasn't special in any way because it didn't actually give membership like i thought and i cried when i found out

Dj: Butterscotch Bunny (Classic)

Duncan: Rockerz Bulldog (Classic)

Eva: Grey Wolf (Classic)

Ezekiel: Donkey (Classic)

Geoff: Sparkle Harp Seal (Classic)

Gwen: Blufadoodle (Classic) Because i loved it as a kid and wanted it so bad and am wondering why as an adult

Harold: Googles (Classic) that i gave to my ex who instantly ruined it

Heather: Signature Fox (Signature) Because this is the actual signature pet i had and i'm still disappointed that it didn't give me membership but i do still think i was better than everyone for having a signature pet

Izzy: Gold and White Cat (Classic) because i used to have this webkinz that i used to pour milk on and suck the milk back out of and it was sopping wet all the time 😭i used to slam it against walls and it would m

Justin: White Tiger (Classic)

Katie: Pizzazzy Puppy (Classic) Sadie: Polka-Dot Puppy (Classic) Because i love the way they look together

Leshawna: Poofy Poodle (Classic) That my sister had and i was so jealous of as a kid but she thought it was mine so it was in limbo for like 10 years until she gave it to me last month

Lindsay: Rockerz Coyote (eStore)

Noah: Lil Cocker Spaniel (Classic Lil Kinz) but specifically the one i bought at the thrift store for 1 dollar last week

Owen: Polar Bear (Classic)

Sierra: Kiwi Bird (Promo) Because it will not get off my ass and it is really annoying but also cute and funny and i cannot get myself to legitimately hate it

Trent: Lil Tree Frog (Classic) because my brother also had this one and it also pissed me off a lot

Tyler: Tie Dye Frog (Classic) because my sister had this one and i was chill with it but still don't really get why she got a frog webkinz when theres like a billion other options

[mariyekos]

Saw this reply from @sadisticsparda on my other post and decided I wanted to go into this a little bit! Putting this below a cut because it got long.

The basic idea behind this is that Vergil doesn't actually want to kill Dante in DMC3- he just needs Dante out of the way for a little while so he can accomplish what he's set out to do.

What Vergil wants is power...to protect himself and the things that are important to him*. So putting two and two together, you could say that Vergil's actions in DMC3 are in part to help protect Dante, just in a way that Dante doesn't approve of (and he doesn't tell Dante this because Just Stubborn Vergil Things™). Based on both DMC3 and the DMC3 Manga we know Vergil met Dante a year prior to the game, but obviously didn't kill him even though he almost definitely could have, given Vergil has unlocked his demonic powers while Dante hasn't for the most part. This is part of why I'd say Vergil goes a little soft on Dante and might want to protect him too. He could've killed Dante for the amulet or our of hate) pre-DMC3 but didn't, which shows he cares about Dante at least a little bit.

Even in DMC5, when V goes on about how if Dante had never existed (implied things would be better for V/Vergil) and raises the Devil Sword Sparda to kill Dante...he doesn't actually stab him. He stabs the dirt besides him, and afterwards says he just did it to wake Dante up. He had the perfect opportunity to kill Dante, even after Dante had "killed" him once in DMC1, but he didn't do it. So I think his feelings about Dante are very complex, where he both does and doesn't really hate Dante, but could never actually bring himself to kill him.

Instead, I read Vergil as wanting to beat Dante and prove he's better, but not really wanting to kill him. There's also a conversation at the end of Visions of V where V asks Child Vergil (memory) if he hates fighting Dante, but Child Vergil responds that he likes it. V then tells Child Vergil to go fight Dante and prove he (Vergil) is stronger. Which to me, supports the theory that Vergil just wants to fight Dante, not kill, because fighting is what's fun. See below for more on this.

In Visions of V, while we don't see Vergil take on a demonic Trigger, he does unlock his demonic power/extreme healing factor after getting attacked outside the manor as a kid. Specifically, he was stabbed through the chest (and summoned up Yamato, though that didn't stab him, just came to him). Since Vergil then slaughters the demons who attacked him, you can then put this together: get mortally wounded/stabbed through chest -> unlock amazing power -> never get that hurt again.

Putting all of that together, you get this.

-> Vergil wants power to protect himself and that which is important to him

> He knows that getting mortally wounded/stabbed gave him his first power boost, and unlocked his Trigger

-> When he fights Dante he realizes Dante doesn't have his Trigger

-> Vergil wants Dante to be able to protect himself (or wants Dante to be more fun to fight), so he'll give Dante the (stabbing) boost he needs

-> Now Dante will be able to fend for himself while Vergil is gaining the rest of his power (and/or for the times they aren't together and Vergil isn't there to protect him, like during the Manor Fire/Attack)

Now, is this giving Vergil a lot of good guy credit? Yeah. Vergil also tried to kill Arkham and failed, so it could be that he was legitimately trying to kill Dante but got cocky and didn't finish the job. Maybe he didn't think Dante would be able his demon powers/Trigger like Vergil did. Maybe Dante surviving by any means just didn't cross his mind. Because sure, Vergil puts on this high and mighty front, but sometimes he doesn't really think things through all the way, or doesn't have as much figured out as he thinks he does (ex. the famous "Why isn't this working!" scene). So, Dante living could definitely have been an accident/mistake on Vergil's part.

But I like reading Vergil as someone who does care about his brother (at least as of DMC3). He just needs Dante to get out of his way while he's trying to accomplish his goals. If Vergil can't actually get Dante to leave, then unlocking Dante's Trigger will at least keep him from getting himself killed by the occupants the Temen-ni-gru, so then Vergil won't have to worry about Dante dying before Vergil has achieved his goal. Maybe Dante will see reason once Vergil has gotten the power he desires. Or maybe Vergil kniws he won't but can't bring himself to kill his brother anyway. Who knows.

The alternate take on Vergil unlocking Dante's Trigger on purpose that I sort of mentioned above is that since Vergil thinks it's fun to fight Dante, maybe he did it not so Dante could protect himself, but so Dante would put up a better fight. Fights aren't fun when they're one sided, so maybe Vergil wanted to put them on a level playing field. That would both make the fight more fun since Dante would put up more of a challenge, and mean Vergil's victory was even better/more legitimate since he would prove he was the stronger one even when they both had access to their full demonic strength. I personally like thinking Vergil stabbed Dante to unlock his Trigger for both the Protection and the Better Fight reasons.

Anyway, yeah! That's the idea: Vergil knew getting stabbed unlocked his powers, so he stabbed Dante to unlock Dante's (whether to protect Dante or to make fighting Dante more fun). That or he's just bad at murdering people. We have evidence of that in the same game. But I think the first theory is more fun.

*my idea that Vergil wanting power in order to protect that which is dear to him comes from my interpretation of this quote from DMC3- "Might controls everything, and without strength you cannot protect anything, let alone yourself." So I see it as Vergil wanting power to protect himself so he'll never be hurt again, but also extend that to the other things he cares about. Is it a bit of a stretch? Maybe. But I'll stretch it anyway! Similarly, in Visions of V, V/kid Vergil both say that they wanted to be protected, which is less of a "see Vergil wants to protect others/Dante" thing, but still goes into how protection is important to him.

EDIT: I want to add this on from a reblog of mine!

#I definitely don't think Vergil was trying to kill Dante#Though that doesn't necessarily mean he was trying to unlock his trigger?#He could've been just lashing out in anger#or maybe both#But I definitely don't think that stab had any killing intent whatsoever#Devil May Cry#DMC#Vergil DMC#Dante DMC via @dmc-questions-anon

Honestly yeah. Looking back at this I realize I glossed over that point a lot, but I also think it's very likely that Vergil wasn't trying to kill Dante or unlock his Trigger, he was just trying to get Dante out of the way and figured stabbing him was a good enough way to go about it. The whole unlocking Dante's Trigger was just a(n in)convenient side effect.

So basically, Yes! It could definitely be (and tbf, the canon explanation probably is) that Vergil stabbed Dante because he was mad and wanted Dante out of his hair, and the whole potentially unlocking a Trigger thing didn't even cross his mind. As of DMC3 he hasn't forgiven Dante for what happened when they were kids, so stabbing Dante would both get Dante out of his hair for a little while, and also be a way of getting back at him for everything he's done (for being the one Eva chose). It just so happens that his attempt ends up backfiring when Dante immediately heals and comes back stronger.

I just find the Trigger thing fun 😅😁

[harleyxhoward]

The Umbrella Academy S4 (thoughts & opinions)

- HOT TAKE: The issue I had with Five and Lila getting together wasn’t the bizarre age gap or insensitivity of Five sleeping with his brother’s wife, but how they don’t resolve the tension properly before they all cease to exist. Specifically Diego and Five don’t get to hold hands the way Lila and Five did, even though it wasn’t really up to Lila to “forgive” Five, but whatever. I thought that had this affair been treated with an ounce of consideration it would reveal a lot more about both characters shared desperation for affection and emotional stimulation. Five spent decades in complete social isolation to the point where he legitimately fell in love with a mannequin and you want me to believe that, given the similar scenario that most certainly triggered the same “well I guess I’m stuck in this shit now for an indefinite amount of time” area of his brain, he wouldn’t have resorted to falling in love with the fist available person regardless of what it meant outside of the subway? Lila too seemed to get with Diego because while they did click in S2, she had never lived a life that allowed her to experience romance or starting a family like she could with Diego. She pumped out three kids to seemingly force herself to enjoy what she knows could be taken away from her at the throwing of a time traveling briefcase, but her behavior this season is baffling because what do you mean after seven years of searching for a way home she never once brings up missing those three children until the opportunity to return home presents itself? She tries to wipe her hands of the situation, but then the show just kind of ends without meaningful conclusion, so…

- The ending was sloppy. I know you know that, but my issue wasn’t the actual end. The Hargreeves having to sacrifice themselves in a way indicative of the S1 finale makes perfect sense, especially with the painfully shallow Five Diner down in that unexplained subway station where they all indirectly allude to the fact that there’s never a condition where at least one of the family doesn’t end the world. Had the Fives took time to explain that each Hargreeve possesses earth shattering abilities that eventually snowball out of control regardless of the condition, and all resistance is futile, I would accept that the ending makes more sense than just blaming the marigold despite the fact that Victor can/has been able to syphon marigold out of people, and could’ve just taken it all himself but you know, whatever.

- I also deeply resent that a show about familial trauma and bonding despite the shared adversity ultimately concluded on everyone giving up. No. You don’t get to say that they “didn’t just give up” because yes, them saying “oh no, well, there’s ten minutes left of the episode, guess we should cease to exist now” is the definition of not even trying to venture down into the subway as a family and fix the other timelines one at a time, using their newfound familial unity to solve every timeline until they converge into one. I’m not saying that needed to happen at all, or that they should have succeeded even if they tried, but AT LEAST THEN THEY WOULD HAVE TRIED. The writers gave up, the characters gave up, and the metaphor of grief and family issues the show spent so long to cultivate were just abandoned.

- Klaus regressed with no substantial reason or impact other than to provide slapstick humor and comedic relief antics that didn’t amount to any of what he had spent the last few seasons building and working towards. Ben shouldn’t have been brought back after his noble and meaningful sacrifice of S2 only to be made into the most obnoxious version of himself. Allison didn’t even get to say “I heard a rumor” this season nor did she address attempting to sexually assault Luther, and Diego’s relationship with Lila was the absolute worst case scenario for both characters. Viktor was the only one with an arc worth watching this season, which is why I thought him having a solo sacrifice would have been even more gut wrenching but whatever.

- There is an insurmountable amount of plot holes that prove this show just got lazy. There should be a kugelblitz in the finale’s timeline. If Lila/Allison were never born then there could never be Grace/Lila’s children. You don’t get to say “well what about the subway” because that doesn’t protect them from the grandfather paradox, unless outright stated which the writers didn’t even bother to do.

- Why didn’t they just kill Jennifer? Who put her in the squid? If it was Reggie’s wife then why didn’t she just kill her? Why didn’t Reggie kill her when he built the town to “protect” her? Why did she react with pure terror when shown the squid? How did Jean and Gene get their hands on it? Was it a normal giant squid or an alien? Was it her mother? No, because then how did she speak English when she emerged from its stomach? Why did she say “the cleanse” like she knew what it meant when she didn’t? Ben should’ve been able to remember in the OG timeline how he died because absolutely every other spirit does and the show can’t just rewrite its own lore to cater to a last minute subplot that went nowhere. I don’t want to be mean but Jennifer never should have existed as a S4 add in because she did absolutely nothing for the plot other than confusing the audience with the persistent question of why didn’t they just kill her to prevent the cleanse from happening. Reginald said one of them had to die, but in the OG timeline he killed both just to be…cruel? What’s the point of writing that it just had to be one of them if you’re just going to act like it’s a package deal? This entire plot line made me truly believe this season was written by AI, I’m sorry.

[furggot]

pls write a fluffy morning with john ward x gn!reader

make them married and have breakfast together‼️🌹

Absolutely! I wrote this on my birthday

John Ward X GN! Reader

You two have known each other for years. At some point, you both gained a crush on each other. It took a while for him to realize he shared feelings for you, like several years. He gravitated towards you in almost any situation. He at first believed his mind defined you as his bestest buddy, and that this ‘friendship’ was, well, friendship. It went on for a painfully long time. You knew you had a crush on him, but you were too stubborn to make the first legitimate move, as much as you adored him.

It took until later into high school that he realized he like-liked you. It was the biggest Ah-hah moment of his life. This Christian boy kept away from any sexual contact whatsoever, and you were the same even if you weren’t religious. You respected his religion, even if you didn’t entirely follow it. You both we mostly still behaved like best friends, aside from the kissing and other romantic gestures and cuddling.

In college, you both shared any free time. You both tried to get into mostly similar classes. You both were the college lovebirds that everyone would see. Unlike your guys’ classmates, you both still didn’t have sexual experience with each other. You both were lucky enough to share a dorm, sharing the bed and many other things with each other. He had a little Bible by his bed to read over if you were doing something without him. Other than a Bible, he’d read other books too, unless he had more homework to do. You had your own hobbies all the same, if it was related to the outdoors, he liked to join you. It was pretty relaxing, and kept him from obsessing with the school work.

When you both graduated college, you both got married as soon as you both could save up for it. Plenty of your relatives were happy to attend your marriage (unless your relationship with your family is fucked). You two danced and enjoyed your time in the church John planned the marriage to take place. He had no family to invite, unfortunately, only a few friends you two shared.

With the process of him becoming a priest, he had to keep you out of peoples’ business. Aside from himself trying to get you more into his religion and meeting church friends. You’d attend his specific church and drive him home if his car would break down or simply wouldn’t start. John is more than happy to ride with you, or have you ride with him. (I’m not sure how living like a priest goes, but I’m pretty sure they’re not allowed to be in romantic/sexual relationships for reasons I can’t remember).

At church, when kids have birthdays, someone would pay clowns to come over. John would call for you quickly because he has coulrophobia/a fear of clowns. If he saw the clown, he would end up unable to breathe and shaking like a cold puppy. If you were stuck at your job, you’d simply leave with no hesitation. You didn’t care what your boss would say to you later, you just hope they’ll understand when you tell them.

After a long day of him being tormented by the presence of clowns and bringing him home, you helped him to bed to hold him and gently play with his hair. This always seemed to calm him down. “…Thank you” Your beloved broke the silence. “Anytime. Now.. do you want something to eat? It’s still before noon, so I think we can have some breakfast, if you’d like.” “…Yes please” John smiles a bit, his breathing back to normal. He sat himself up then stood up with you, following you to the kitchen.

“I can make something for us. Do you want pancakes?” John thought for a moment. “Actually, may I make something? That might make me feel better” “Of course, silly” You let him take the wheel on it. “Other than the.. thing..” He avoids triggering himself “Today was okay. The kids were behaved, and the adults the same. No fighting or rude interruptions so far, and I thank the lord for that. I thank the lord for you.” He walks over to you to give you a kiss. “By the way, I’m making waffles.” John let out a little giggle, as if he was merely a boy, your boy. “I love you too, dingus” You flirted, pulling him by his collar to kiss him yourself. “Now go make your silly little waffles!” You spoke in a playful tone, and he responded with another giggle. You love this goofy boy so much.

After he made you both something to eat, you both sat just across from each other, simply enjoying each other’s company and the meal. “This is lovely, love. You gotta cook for us more!” “It felt fun to do, so I probably will cook more. It was pretty relaxing too, I think.” John admitted, seeming as he said relaxed.

“Either way, I’m happy you’re feeling better. I know fears can eat at you, and lately you’ve been having nightmares. I just want you to be happy and carefree. I don’t know what I have to do to get that freedom for you, but I’ll do whatever I must to help you, John. I love you.” After finishing your meals, you both go to clean each other’s dishes, both sharing a kiss before he has to go rest.

[anonymous-gambito]

Just finished watching but I refuse to say anything smart about Revolutionary Girl Utena since all that I've gathered and analysed has probably already been said before countless times in the last two decades and a half, so I'll just share some of my mostly unhinged reactions instead (not all in order):

- "What's with the egg cracking" "I should tell future kids this was the trans agenda"

- *Yelling* "I'VE GOT THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE!"

- " 'Yeah I like guys. For instance, i like that one idealized guy I made up in my head' – said no baby lesbian ever" (sarcasm)

- "Thanks for all the trigger warning folks :)" "My biggest trigger was actually seeing cats be mistreated so RIP me I guess haha" (I went to Does The Dog Die as soon as I saw the cat this is a joke ppl no one overthink this pls)

- "When people told me there'd be incest in this I didn't realize it'd be the only sibling flavor on the menu"

- "That Black Rose stuff sounds like bad news but it's giving ppl cool outfits so..."

- "If I had a penny for every pink haired character who fantasized about that creepy dude looking like a young little twink I'd have two pennies, which isn't a lot but–"

- "When dudes peaked in highschool so they just decided to never leave"

- "I thought my first Ikuhara anime would have desensitized me to all other Ikuhara anime but in retrospective the butt stuff was a much easier metaphor to understand"

- "Are you really trying to go for both the brother and the sister???" (Things I have somehow said more than once while watching this)

- "Is that guy for real???" *Is actually legitimately doubting that guy's existence*

- "Spree of vehicular manslaughter (allegory) (allegory for other kinds of crime even)"

- " 'Daddy Long legs'? You mean, like, the book??? You mean the book or that anime adaptation where the age gap is actually creepier? Because the art style and the fashion in that thing was cool af but damn was it uncomfortable" "Anyways don't fucking call him that I might throw up"

- "They care more about the dress code than about all this child grooming going around so this is basically like ur average school"

- "He was LEADING HER ON! *hits table* I KNEW IT! He's been manipulative since the beginning so of course I suspected that he was encouraging his sister's feelings so he could have control over her and–" *keeps rambling*

- "This is the future the 'abstinence only sex ed' crowd want. Just look at them! They don't even see the red flags!"

- "My face is gonna get stuck in that cringe"

- *Starts biting table* "Hitting isn't dramatic enough for this anymore"

- "I'm getting all kinds of deja vu about that reveal, like I've seen it years before and had just forgotten about it until now" "which is surely annoying me because I did NOT sign up to be part of this show's narrative themes FUCK this immersive experience bullshit"

- "Intricate Rituals™" "Okay I'm just surprised I hadn't said that one before, considering..."

- "...Suddenly all that slapping around has gained a lot more narrative significance..."

[aidansplaguewind]

curious why you don’t like bdsm? i want to change my mind

First, this is going to be long.

That's kind of an odd question because the way you ask it is as though it's something literally everyone is into. Like saying, "I'm curious why you don't like sex."

It just doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't turn me on. It doesn't make horny. And, I try not to kink shame here so keep in mind you DID ask why I don't like it. As in ME, personally. And when someone asks, I tell the truth and the whole truth.

It's always seemed a little ridiculous and silly to me. I mean, I do like to draw out orgasms as long as possible/orgasm denial to a point, which is one particular thing that can sometimes be considered BDSM but I don't know why because to me that DOES seem like something everyone should do. The longer the delay, the more powerful it is. I don't like quick orgams. I mean, I don't DISLIKE them, they're ok, but good God are they nowhere close to what they can be if you delay them. I don't know why anyone would wanna settle for that when they could have so much MORE! It's one of the reasons I prefer my own fingers or non vibrating toys to vibrating toys. Because they make you cum too fast and it's not as strong.

I don't get why people DO like BDSM. For one, I have a big issue with being tied up and shit. I was abused as a kid and I've yet to meet anyone I trust enough to let them have that control over me. Cuz who knows what they'd do, right? And I wouldn't be able to stop them. And if you reverse it to where I was in charge....nah. I'm cool with my guy being on the bottom and letting me lead in that sense of submissiveness but I'm just not terribly turned on by completely dominating a man. It's just not my thing.

And just the terminology, Dom and sub...just no. I know cringe is a fading word now but that shit legitimately makes me cringe. It sounds so fucking corny.

I have no desire to engage in a kind of sex where a possible handbook or contract may be needed. Where guidelines have to be set, where there is a list of rules. It feels so unsexy, unromantic and unreal. Not spontaneous at all.

I'm sure you've figured out by now that I am NOT a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey. And, while I'm sure not everyone who engages in BDSM signs a contract, if you're doing it safely to protect both parties then there are usually always rules. Because people can actually get hurt engaging in bdsm.

And that's another thing, I don’t get any satisfaction out of causing people pain. Nor do I get any from pain. My life has been painful enough on its own. I want my sex to be fucking pure pleasure. Mind blowing pleasure.

And to be honest with you, there is nothing you or anyone can say to convince me that a Dom male can be trusted and is someone who doesn't enjoy harming others. NOTHING you can say. Met too many men in my life. I don’t want a man like that. Men that like having that much control are gross. Period. They can't be trusted. Controlling men are a huge turn off for me. Fucking HUGE turn off.

Personally, I feel like anyone who NEEDS that much control, male or female, has some much deeper issues at play.

For people out there that think sex is always boring without BDSM, then you haven’t had good sex yet my friend. Sex can still be plenty kinky, nasty, and all that without bdsm.

But the simplest answer to your question is that nothing about BDSM makes me wet, so why WOULD I like it?

What I'd like to know, is out of all the people on Tumblr who say they're into it, how many have actually participated in it outside of reading fanfic about it? And the reason I ask this is that, something in fan fic might get you hot but the reality can be SO much different.

There are things I've read about Petyr doing in fanfic that have turned me on but if he tried doing that shit to me in reality it would scare the shit out of me. One thing in particular that I know many women get hot for but I won't say the word on here because I didn’t put a trigger warning.

So, if you haven’t ever actually done it, think about what I just said.

[thenarator]

AU of Bakugou has consequences but Izuku never gets OFA and becomes a vigilante

the vigilante thing threw me off for a bit, because i don't do a lot of straight vigilante aus, but then i remembered this one i came up with years ago when i was first getting into bnha:

bakugou does get into ua. actually, he gets ofa. once he graduates it only takes him a year to break into the top ten (not quite hawks' record but not bad either). by his second year as a hero, he's already on track to become the next all might. a lot of experts are saying its only a matter of time.

people have their misgivings about this. he's facing a lot of criticism for collateral damage and attitude problems, especially with younger fans. some reporters who don't make a habit of towing the party line worry about the example he's setting. bakugou doesn't care.

all might has his misgivings as well. he basically picked bakugou to be his successor after he won the sports fest his first year, thinking that his time was running out and he needed to make a choice. he was despondent and had given up on finding the ideal person he truly admired, but the more violent bakugou becomes, the more he feels he made the wrong decision.

izuku didn't immediately take up vigilanteism when he got rejected from ua. mostly he needed an outlet for his frustration with how unfair the world was, so he took up martial arts. when he was in college though, there were a lot of incidents in the area where he lived, and heroes didn't patrol there. he started going out on "leisurely walks" after dark, dealing with any crime he came across, and became some thing of a local legend.

that local legend becomes a not-so-local-legend when izuku accidentally stumbles on a huge trigger manufacturing operation and busts it wide open.

additional headcanons under the cut

look, it's not his fault the factory blew up. that isn't even what he got famous for. he was just trying to sabotage the equipment while he rescued a bunch of little kids that were getting used as test subjects. it's only because he got caught on camera leading them all out of the burning building, one particularly adorable little girl clutched in his arms, that anyone even knows he was there. the fact that he was silhouetted against an explosion in the background made it look like ten time more badass than it was. he was just trying not to drop her.

obviously, he gets arrested for vigilanteism, but he's been through that song and dance before. vigilanteism is classified as a form of illegal quirk use, and he doesn't have a quirk. ergo, he cannot be a vigilante. the police are still scratching their heads when they have to let him go, but he walks. the gaggle of reporters waiting outside are impressed.

the story spreads like wildfire. izuku becomes an overnight sensation. he gets given a hero name -- the green shadow -- and he has like four different fanclubs inside of a week. there's calls for him to be given a hero license, or at least some kind of award.

he keeps doing vigilante work, obviously. first some underground heroes ask him for help with a case, then a support company gives him a suit (for "cosplay purposes" obviously) and pretty soon he's doing actual patrols and meeting fans on the street. he thought giving a few radio interviews (on present mic's show! he's living the dream!) would make it all die down, but people are hungry for more of him. in just a few months, he's a household name. the calls for him to be legitimized increase.

the hpsc ignore all of that. quirkless people can't be heroes. izuku was probably just in the right place at the right time to be in that picture. they don't need to do anything, or acknowledge him in any way. that would be counterproductive, and send the wrong message to the public.

the public disagree.

the thing about the hero rankings is that not every individual person can rank every individual hero. there's thousands of heroes in japan, so even if approval rating data was gathered via website, it would be impractical for people to select from a list of choices. as such, the forms are write-in. people are given five blank spaces, and told to list the heroes they approve of most.

when approval ratings for the next billboard chart are being collected, the hero with the number one approval rating is the green shadow.

the hpsc are furious, but find that, according to their own rules, they can't actually do anything about it. they have to give him the ranking, even though he's not really a hero. a hero is defined as someone who works within the justice system and uses their natural abilities to stop crime and protect citizens, after all. technically, izuku fits that definition.

this is when bakugou becomes aware of what's been going on. he honestly didn't even register the green shadow as being a thing until he was told he got the second highest approval rating. obviously izuku isn't on the payroll, so he doesn't have a "cases resolved" stat, but being the number one most approved hero in japan is enough to get him to number 10. bakugou is pretty pissed.

he gets even more pissed when he finds out who the green shadow actually is.

bakugou does what he always does when deku gets to much attention: he goes to put the nerd in his place. unfortunately the only time he can find deku reliably is during a patrol, so he has to settle for a very public call out. he's fine with that, and fine with having witnesses while he berates deku for trying to be a hero without a quirk. he's fine being recorded while he picks a fight with deku on a crowded street. he's even fine when the cops who come to break up the fight let deku go after they drag him away. little punk's not worth arresting.

he's less fine when his approval rating takes a last minute nosedive, knocking him out of the number one spot he should have been claiming this chart, and relegating him to sixth place. lower than he's been since his debut.

it kind of goes from there. izuku keeps doing increasingly badass things. his approval rating keeps going up. the underground heroes he works with start listing him as a consultant, so he even starts getting paid and has a record of his resolved cases. over the next three charts his rank keeps climbing. first number ten, then number eight, then number seven, then jumping up to four. after two years walking the fine line between vigilante and hero, he's at number two and knocking on number one.

bakugou, meanwhile, continues to decline. he keeps getting into very public fights with deku, and while he considers himself the "winner" in each fight he notices that deku is focused not so much on him but on keeping people out of the way and minimizing damage to their surroundings. people are praising deku for "handling things so well" and "preventing collateral damage" and they're criticizing bakugou for equally stupid things. his approval rating keeps dropping. his resolved cases are dropping too, as he spends more time fighting with deku and doing public appearances to try and salvage his approval rating. his rank drops lower and lower.

the chart where bakugou drops out of the top ten is the same chart where izuku makes number one.

all might reaches out to izuku, at that point. he says he regrets giving ofa to bakugou, and that if he had the choice he would take it back. he says izuku is much worthier recipient. izuku says he wouldn't take it if he had the chance; he likes being a quirkless hero, even if he had to find a loophole to do it. however, the fact that bakugou has ofa, and is using it so recklessly, is becoming a problem. all might asks what they can do, and izuku says he has a plan.

all might throws his weight around to pressure the hpsc into giving izuku a hero license. honestly, it's kind of absurd that their number one isn't a real pro. they should be ashamed it took them this long. the hpsc cave and plan a huge public ceremony to make izuku officially a hero. maybe once the people are satisfied on that front they'll lose interest.

obviously, bakugou has to crash the ceremony and try to kill deku.

izuku does something pretty sneaky at that point. for the firs time in their professional rivalry, he gives bakugou his undivided attention. he starts talking trash, baiting bakugou, goading him to further anger. finally he drops his ultimate bomb: telling bakugou he's only worth anything because of ofa, and that if he can't win with the quirk he was born with his victory doesn't count. bakugou takes the bait, and hands ofa back over to all might like he's taking off his gloves.

bakugou loses, obviously.

after that, things wrap up pretty nicely. bakugou goes to prison for trying to kill someone, finally. izuku becomes number one, and a proper hero for all the world to see. all might gives ofa to someone who really deserves it, one of the kids izuku rescued from the trigger factory. izuku's first hero friend, eraserhead, introduces him to his student, logical ruse aka hitoshi shinsou, and it's only eighteen months before they're planning a wedding. everyone lives happily ever after.

except bakugou.

[kavehpilled]

ALL of them.

OK SO YIU HATE ME

1. how many followers do you have?

somewhere around 1.7k i lost track a long time ago

2. whens the last time you went on a date?

june? its been so long ☹️

3. how many posts have you made?

WELL over 20k this account is 3 years old

4. what type of shoes do you wear?

white avia elevates or my blue converse

5. what color are the walls of your room?

cream at my moms, brown at my dads

6. where are you right now?

in english im about to pull the trigger

7. would you consider yourself good at art?

perchance…. i know im alright enough at it that people like my art and make it their pfp sometimes. i even have a mutual that printed a drawing i did of atsushi and put it on their wall💀

8. who was your first kiss?

you😛

9. do you still sleep with stuffed animals?

YEA LIKE 5 LMFAO

10. whats your favorite piece of clothing you own?

i have a really nice red cardigan that i basically live in at home

11. do you live in an urban, suburban, or rural area?

suburban all around i think i dont remember

12. whats your favorite store to shop at?

goodwill🫶

13. if you had to choose one POSITIVE word to describe yourself, what would it be?

gentle i think

14. do you collect anything?

classic novels! im restarting my collection of tiny bear figurines and friendship bracelets tho

15. whats the last thing you ate?

i had a banana applesauce like an hour ago :)

16. if you go to therapy, do you like your therapist?

i go once a month and shes nice! got me referrals for diagnoses so that was chill

17. whats one thing you want to buy, but dont have the money or resources to get it?

WRIOTHESLEY DOLL.

18. whos the first person you can think of?

you

19. how old were you when you found out santa wasnt real?

i think ~5? my cousin told me :(

20. if you could revive one tv show that has been cancelled, what would it be?

jjk bro pls revive and continue for me. i need satosugu to be happy

21. do you consider yourself a part of any alternative subculture?

i dont think so!

22. who was your childhood favorite music artist?

taylor swift or sir mix a lot

23. cds or record players?

despite my extensive cd collection i would say records

24. do you believe in any conspiracy theories?

i wish but i think too rationally for any of that

25. would you get back together with an ex if given the opportunity?

i think people always deserve a second chance and we are legitimate living proof of that, even if that concept like translates into relationships. im nowhere near ready for anything right now but if i ever got back together with ANYONE they would have to change a lot. i have hope in everyone tho

26. favorite kids show character?

kwazii from octonauts :)

27. is the person you call your best friend actually your best friend?

yeah!

28. when youre sad, do you prefer to listen to music to match your mood, or listen to happy music?

sad music all the way. i rarely cry so when im genuinely upset its nice to get it out to sad songs yk

29. whats the last outfit you wore?

im a chronic outfit repeater so. white turtleneck under a dark green sweater that has pumpkins all over it and dark brown cargo pants. ive worn this like 10 times

30. do you have any online friends?

YES alice ezra and skylia are the ones i talk to the most!! but i have a lot of mutuals i love interacting with ppl

31. least favorite clothing style that is currently popular?

those white fox hoodies make me carnally angry

32. how often do you do your laundry?

once a week at my dads, twice a week at my moms. its a weird system but i have more clothes at my moms currently

33. do you prefer silver or gold jewelry?

gold, silver makes me look sad and grungy

34. whats your book/movie/tv guilty pleasure?

i like reading cherry crush on webtoon when im bored💀🙏

35. if you could change your hair however you want, how would you change it?

id probably dye it to calico colors but im scared ill look like a goof

36. do you paint your nails?

sometimes! i did them blue like for a day and then i got bored. i pick at them too much so its like a little treat

37. whats an uncommon/specific/ obscure topic youre interested in?

vampire burial practices and eastern european rituals

38. whats the name of your first pet?

KITTY💀 he was an orange cat that got eaten by coyotes

39. whats one feature you would change on tumblr?

im not active enough to notice anything…

40. whats the most interesting item you own?

i think a tiny glass giraffe i love him

41. would you rather go on a date at a museum or a concert?

museum all the way i love intimacy with that kinda thing

42. whats one regret you have?

i could go into extensive detail about what i seriously regret in my life but i think my main one is not telling you enough before we split apart

[sleeptokenpuppy]

I just want to thank Sleep Token for allowing/encouraging us to project onto their music and find the meaning we need in it. I'm currently going through that and it's helping me process things, and... yeah. It means a lot.

(personal details below the break, trigger warnings for poor mental health and also for grief)

When my step-grandma passed away last week, The Love You Want involuntarily became the grief and regret of realizing too late that a family member who you felt rejected by for a long time, DID actually see you as worthwhile.

When she first became part of our family, it seemed as though she looked down on us, kind of. Like if it wasn't her kids, her grandkids, her way of doing things, it wasn't worth much to her. Like we weren't good enough for her, like there was always something to criticize and some reason why her family's lifestyle and achievements were worth more than ours. Almost like she refused to be proud of us, of the family she was joining.

And that was a sore spot with my family for a very long time. My mom and her siblings were frustrated with her more often than not for several years.

And it really, really, deeply fucked me up when I was at my lowest, in my early 20s. When I could barely hold myself together, and all I wanted in the world was to be loved and cared for, every time I talked to my step-grandma she would be holding where I was at up against what her daughter had accomplished by her early 20s... and it made me legitimately suicidal to be around her. I wanted to feel loved and to me, it felt like she refused to see me as worthy.

So I stopped seeing her and my grandad except for birthdays and holidays.

She softened a bit when the dementia started to take hold. By then I had gotten an associates degree and a job, but I still couldn't bring myself to be around her too much. She would tell the same handful of stories over and over and over, not out of wanting to put me down or anything, but because she had fucking dementia and was starting to forget things. But I couldn't help the feeling that she still didn't see me as worthy of her love, or her pride. And she would ask my parents about me.

I doubted her sincerity. I was still under the impression that her heart was locked up and I'd always have the combination wrong.

Since the pandemic, when I did almost a year of working six-day weeks after my job reopened, I felt like I was finally worthy of her respect... but by then, I was too burnt out by work to see much of her. And over the last few years, it's been hard to watch her fade into the dementia. Despite how much pain there'd been between us, I would cry about her.

Turns out, were both full of the love we each wanted from each other.

Last weekend we celebrated her birthday. I had to leave early because I had a migraine. The last thing I said to her was I love you. The last thing she said to me was I love you too.

Two days later, she had a heart attack and passed away in her sleep.

And here I am, posting this on the way to her funeral, reeling from the sudden knowledge I couldn't accept that she actually loved me until it was too late.

Too many swallowed keys finally came around and made me bleed internally with the knowledge that I wasn't actually better off that way.

Ms Marlene, I'll be full of the love you wanted, no matter what, forever more. I wish I had known sooner that you were too.

[angelofthepage]

Hey gang, let's talk about Bendy: The Cage. Last night we got a new screenshot from theMeatly's Twitter page involving an eyeball, pointy teeth, and a lot of red, something monstrous. And the first exposure I had to it was numerous Discord servers posting it in channels that were either likely to be unmuted because they contain important updates about said servers, or with an at everyone so everyone would be notified and have to click on the channel to clear the message. And it was all in spaces that normally haven't done this for new screenshots or releases, which was very odd. I had no choice but to look at it because it was shoved directly in my face, uncensored, no content warnings, nada. If it hadn't happened MULTIPLE times (on more than just Discord in the end), maybe I would leave it at addressing it in just those spaces, but the frequency and variety of places where it happened makes me feel like this is something we're not on the same page about. I think there's a conversation that needs to happen about The Cage and what this is going to mean for the future of interacting in this fandom. There are some things with both the contents of The Cage and the way we choose to engage with it that I feel we would benefit from talking about.

This screenshot itself isn't particularly bad, I won't lie, at the very least it doesn't squick me out all that much, but it's creeping up on something that I foresee being a problem. When we talk about indie mascot horror games, one of the unintended consequences is that because the cute mascots have such a charming appeal, they attract a wide variety of people. Some of those people are kids (many of which have parents that aren't teaching them internet safety or looking at what they watch, even though the original Bendy is rated T for Teens, so they shouldn't be looking at it in the first place). And some of those people are people across all age ranges that have their sensitivities, phobias, legitimate triggers, and squicks, and this group is the one I'm the most focused on today. One of the things that's special about this genre is that a lot of people can exist in it because it's usually a little less intense in terms of horror media out there (at least in terms of visuals/what is shown on screen), but that also comes with a variety of consequences. With The Cage making a shift into being a more mature story, with confirmed blood, body horror, dark themes, etc, that means that part of Bendy's existing audience is not going to be able to partake in this adventure, just per the nature of it containing things they can't handle. And that's not a bad thing, there is no shame in that. We cannot help our brains, not every experience or game is going to work for every person. Nor are the devs required to make every entry the same as the last, if they want to experiment with new things, they have every right to. But when you make a shift like this, it means the content warnings have to change and adapt, and how you conduct yourself online now has a lot more questions you might wanna ask yourself.

What is safe and fun and enjoyable for one Bendy fan is not going to be that for every Bendy fan, and if we don't make an adjustment to how we tag and share this stuff, it's going to further alienate people, to the point where you will see people leave the fandom altogether even if they still like the old but not the new. That's why we tag stuff with things like gore, blood, body horror, etc, that's why we use the sensitive content filter on Twitter. That's why we have words you can mute or censor here on Tumblr, and even on Instagram and Tiktok to a certain extent. By giving people a tag that's a content/spoiler warning, you give them a choice about whether or not they look at that content so they can self curate and protect themselves. Because the last thing you want is to send someone into a panic attack or spiral if it could have been avoided. If someone can't trust you to be thoughtful about how you post when you are posting legitimately horrifying stuff, the end result is you will be unfollowed/blocked, your servers will become a lot more empty, and your fandom space will grow a lot quieter, as it has become an actively hostile place. You can make the choice to not tag that sort of thing, if you're okay with acknowledging that people can't partake in your page, but it's responsible to give them a heads up somewhere, somehow, that you don't use those tags, so they can just unfollow you from the start and avoid the hassle, part on good terms at least. Again, being considerate goes a long way. Managing expectations is just as important of a skill as self curating. That said, tagging to be sensitive of others also comes with the plus side of essentially advertising to people that like that stuff. It will give them a sign that you are sharing things they enjoy, because they likely follow those tags, so they will find you, and you can have new and fun interactions over a shared interest. And that is very worthwhile.

Part of me is worried about what The Cage is going to look like in a broader sense. Just how "mature" is it really going to be? And is that going to have consequences in more than just the fandom? Take a look at YouTube, the platform that was crucial for Bendy's success in the first place ala let's plays and reaction videos putting it on the map. Look at how their algorithms have affected other titles in the horror genre that are openly gorey, bloody, brutal, or disturbing. Heck, look outside of the horror genre at games that are just plain violent. A lot of those videos don't survive. There's demonetization, age restrictions, there's messiness with the system, and a lot of people who try to cover those games will stop because of how hard it affects their channels. I'm concerned for the future of Bendy. I'm surprised that the filters let stuff like the ending of BATDR through, given we push Wilson into a grinder and have Audrey brutally get her legs chomped off. (Frankly I'm also surprised the "insanity ending" made it through, though that's not bloody, it was certainly uncomfortable to watch and was not the greatest example of how to execute a psychiatric ward in a horror game. Which is a whole tangential topic for another day.) But now that we're doing something as small as introducing the color red into the mix? It may not be as forgiving. We may see people unable/unwilling to cover Bendy content because of how dark and unfriendly it's getting for YouTube's system. SuperHorrorBro has a great video that goes over it from about a year ago, I'm gonna link it here. Highly recommend giving that a watch. Bendy can get away with a lot because it's in sepia. When all your blood is ink, somehow it doesn't seem as brutal, even though we have characters getting impaled, decapitated, etc. But that's not the case anymore, there is confirmed blood and red in the palette. It's not the same flavor of horror as it once was.

There's a lot running through my mind as we approach the future of this series. I don't want to police anyone's behavior or how they should do things, that's not my place nor my intention. At the end of the day, everything I've said here is more to make you aware so you think about how you want to handle this shift, rather than explicitly telling you what to do about it. Equip you with information and stuff to consider when making those choices. Would I prefer it if we all were thoughtful about the tagging system? Yes, absolutely. I could stand to be better about it too, and I'm going to make an effort to be more thoughtful about how I post and engage with social media regarding topics like this. I would greatly appreciate having an open dialogue about it so we can figure out which tags work best for our fandom space. But do I expect us all to use it the same way? No, not in the slightest. The fact that I am still required to go on a social media hiatus whenever new Bendy media comes out is telling enough, I don't trust this fandom not to spoil things. I'll acknowledge it's gotten a lot better than it used to be, but when I'm still hearing stories about how people tried to enjoy BATDR blind and got spoiled on MAJOR PLOT POINTS in the first WEEK of release, nay, the first DAY, despite blocking and muting every tag and word possible to avoid stuff, it's not good. So how can I trust fans to take care with this larger, more serious thing, when we haven't gotten to that point with spoiler tagging? It makes me upset. I'm not upset that I have to self curate, that's essential on the internet no matter your space. Can't control anyone but yourself in life. I'm upset that people are inconsiderate and don't think about the consequences of their actions.

I don't talk about this often, but I'm not a traditional horror fan. Bendy is my weird exception. For most of my life I've been scared of the Tower of Terror at Disney, and that's freaking TAME. This last time I went, I tried to conquer my fear and go on it, and I only got through it because I was actively looking away and covering my ears during the story, and holding my brother in law's hand. Is it really scary, or am I just struggling with the childhood trauma of having gone on the ride the same day there was a thunderstorm? I don't know. But then I'll be fine watching something like the FNAF movie, which I'll be real, I didn't find scary in the slightest. So why am I into Bendy if horror isn't usually my vibe? Because Bendy is more than its horror. It's got a really cool art style that sucked me in. It's got a story about humanity and hope that was just the right amount of darkness when I needed it. You know that comic that makes the rounds about the story blimps that pull you out of dark places? That's Bendy for me. It's not the story I expected to get into, but it's the story I needed when it happened, and I've continued to stick with it because it's kept giving me that. The last book? That's the story I needed, absolutely. And in a strange twist, I've found myself seeking out more of the less intense horror stuff, this genre is something I've started to really enjoy. The darkness can be kind of fun. But The Cage may be going somewhere I cannot go. I hope not, but I recognize it's a very real possibility, for myself and for many fans. It's fine if it's not the same as what we love about Bendy in years past. It's not required to be the same as other Bendy entries to be valid or valuable as a game/story. Heck, I don't want it to be exactly the same, that gets stale, let there be new and interesting innovations in the series. Let it tell new stories. But it does make me wonder if what I value about Bendy is the same as what the devs value in this series.

And that's something I want to revisit in the future. Full disclosure, I've been trying to write a comprehensive post about my thoughts on the Bendy movie that's been announced for WEEKS since the announcement. Seeing as theMeatly very directly asked for feedback, I do have feedback I'd like to give. But figuring out how to give it thoughtfully has been tough. 'Cause like, the people who work on this thing are people, humans, who have feelings, and if I'm really going to put my thoughts out there, regardless of what they are, I want to do it in a way that's kind. Like, if I'm gonna take the time to be constructive in my criticism, I want it to be worded well. And then Tumblr screwed me over by posting it before I was ready, even though I clearly hit save and not post. So I deleted it in a panic, because it wasn't ready to be seen, and haven't found the energy to talk about it since. But I've had a lot of complicated feelings about the direction Bendy is taking right now. The short of it is that it's gotten away from what I think are the most important things about Bendy, which to be clear, doesn't make it bad. But it does leave me with questions, about Bendy and about storytelling as a whole. And if you know me, you know I occasionally enjoy diving into questions to really ponder the possibilities. I'm curious as to what it is that appeals about this story to the wider fandom, versus what about it is valuable to me. Maybe I'm the outlier here, who knows? I want to really think about that, what it is that makes Bendy special, what it is that draws us to this story, and what people have gotten out of it. Because I think that's a valuable discussion to have. Perhaps that's something I ought to open the floor to you for. But not right this moment, I need more time.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Thank you for taking a moment to think about what I had to say. I know it's long, I know it's a lot, and I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was valuable to talk about. At the end of the day, I just want this fandom to be a kind and friendly place to be. I hope that's what gets across.

[essayofthoughts]

Hi! Do you think Vesh ever “re-emerged” after her and Kash’s wedding? Do you think Kash ever had to confront her as an adult? Thanks!

Well, if it happens, it doesn't happen in the time between Kash's 15th and when we meet him - he explicitly says he hasn't seen her since he tried to kill her at his fifteenth, so certainly by then she hasn't re-emerged. Given that she didn't re-emerge when Kash revivified Vex it's possible his attacking her banished her to some degree - I don't think he actually killed her, given he still has divine magic (and a few other things - I'll get into those). While in other settings belief in a domain can confer divine magic, the Calamity's k'nauthi kind of implies that divine magic usually comes from a divine patron, not belief?

Additionally, per the Campaign Guides, Vesh is purportedly protective of her chosen mates, of which Kash is one, and yet Kash almost died and was saved by Zahra, which suggests she's not active in his life and that nor is she actively protecting him. Additionally, the Campaign Guides say that Vesh goes after and attacks chosen mates who are insufficiently loyal - she's jealous and possessive... and yet we know Kash and Zahra are together for roughly a year on-stream, and even are expecting kid(s)!

This honestly all suggests to me that whatever Kash did when he attacked her when he as fifteen may have banished her or bound her away - only backed up by what he says to Keyleth after resurrecting Vex: "I hope the barrier that was sealed has remained sealed."

So! If Vesh is able to re-emerge it'd likely be after what we see of the stream and... it's possible? We know from the Campaign Guide that there are other cultists of Vesh, and it's perfectly possible they're finding and raising chosen of Vesh with those yellow-gold eyes, and attempting to invoke the Sting of a Hundred. And, if Vesh doesn't answer, presumably because of whatever binding or barrier fifteen year old Kash (HE WAS FIFTEEN) managed to set they may well endeavour to break it - and Vesh certainly seems the vengeful type, based on what we have in the Campaign Guides and what Kash says.

I would not be at all surprised if, if she did escape Kash's bindings, she'd go after him. Something I bounced around when my friends watching C3 mentioned the apogee and everything going sideways is - that'd be a great trigger for Vesh getting loose if she hasn't already. We know that what's happened then has broken a lot of divine bindings.

However... Kash is quite genuinely, physically, mentally, and magically stronger than he was when he was fifteen. He has levelled up, yes, but he has also trained to be better at fighting (per Friedle's backstory for him, he was a soldier for a time!), become less afraid of using Vesh's magic, and most importantly, thanks to Zahra, has done a lot of healing from the trauma Vesh wrought on him. And, also, he has friends - allies. Even if all of Vox Machina, Keyleth especially, are busy with other things, he has Zahra, who has a powerful otherworldly patron of her own, and, notably, he and Zahra stood up to and survived a newly ascended god, when they went to assist Vox Machina against Vecna. They have faced worse than Vesh.

While I don't think it'd be fun if Vesh went after Kash, I do think they'd have significantly better odds than Kash might fear. Even if Vesh were to deny Kash her magic, he has legitimate fighting skill and also Zahra on his side.

Plus, I'm kind of inclined to believe that the Sting is a kind of... irrevocable binding. If Vesh could have denied Kash her magic for attacking her or when he was attacking her, I think she would have! But she didn't - he still has magic, and magic distinctly from her (remember, him calling on her magic lights up the scars he and she inflicted on his arm). So... I don't know that Vesh could keep Kash from using her magic, given the Sting. (I imagine this is also why she kills unfaithful chosen - she wouldn't want her magic, given irrevocably, to be wastefully used.)

So... I don't think Kash has had to fight Vesh again by the time we see him and I don't think he's likely to for some time! It is possible, however, that either due to the efforts of her cultists or things like the apogee solstice, she could get free and go after Kash at some point post-stream. And in that case...

If Vesh did go after Kash, she'd probably be out for more than blood - she'd be out for his head.