#so i've just gotta do it in-between these things & whenever i get a chance

[starpirateee]

...Maybe something about the death match???

Gentles and ladymen, Ted Spankoffski actually won something! And better yet, the bastard didn't die!

You know me, you know that I was real intrigued when Wilbur showed up, so I'm gonna mess around with the winner of our little competition, and his little prize!

At first, it had been a tag team effort. With the aid of that one creepy guy sitting alone in the audience of the theatre— who Ted could've sworn he'd never seen move, but who's overly-accented voice had seemingly whispered in his ear— he and the nutty professor had wiped out more of the conversation in this insane little hell that this town had apparently become.

The two of them stood over the bodies. Ted's hand still gripped the handle of the knife they'd used. He looked at Hidgens, if only for a moment. Hidgens looked way too composed to be normal, and Ted had to wonder whether they'd witnessed the same event.

He'd looked like that all this time, though. They'd won every fight they'd been in—some of them in far closer stakes than others— and yet, he'd remained calm throughout. God, he really was a madman, wasn't he?

"Uh, Hidge?"

Hidgens' gaze flashed over. In two separate moments, he registered Ted— the one who had addressed him— and then the layers of blood covering both him and the knife he was still holding. He hummed, acknowledging Ted's need to continue with whatever he was going to say.

"That was… The last of 'em, right? What now? What does that mean?" It was entirely likely that Hidgens would just know the answer to that question. Ted wouldn't put it past him in the slightest.

"It means, pal, that you won."

That voice sounded more real than the last. Ted was almost certain that he hadn't heard the last one at all. After all, today had been a crazy day, and maybe it was possible that he'd scraped death that many times that he'd simply started hallucinating. That was feasible, right? That was totally the best explanation for what was going on here… After all, what else could it be?

But Hidgens had heard that one too. Both of them had followed the source of it with a glance, out towards the one inhabitant of the audience.

Right. Of course. They were being watched. Had been the whole time.

The spectator was a factor in themself. There was something almost unplaceable about them, and Ted had figured out that it wasn't entirely because they were so tall that they were capable of keeping their back straight against the chair they were sitting on, and have enough enough room to stretch their legs all the way across the seat in front. Maybe it was because he already knew their voice existed in his head in perfect pitch and intonation.

"We won?" He asked, sceptical.

In a single motion, the spectator had pulled themself to their feet, in the row in front of where they were seated. "Mhm. Mighty impressive stuff, I gotta say. Didn't think I'd be standin' here 'fore the two of you…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hidgens asked testily.

"Only that you an' Mr Spankoffski over there had some pretty stiff competition… Nothin' t'worry for now, course. Don't much matter anymore." They lurched towards the stagem ascending the side stairs. "Thing is, there's a good reason they sent me here, an' it wasn't just t'watch all this fun."

"What're you talking about?" Ted's grip tightened around the handle of the blade, but he didn't feel safer like that. Not when their mysterious watcher looked so ready to kill them both in a dozen different ways at the same time.

"You're a pair o' smart blokes. Work it out." With a flourish, they reached backstage, grabbed at nothing in particular, and then pulled back. Ted and Hidgens gazed upon a crown that seemed like it should've been golden, but was dripping in a green hue that was at once all too unnatural and all too enticing.

But, they did have the brains enough to figure it out. A doctorate and more than enough years at college between them gave them pause for thought, but they really didn't have to think about it at all, did they? All that time, everything they'd fought through together, and there was only one crown.

That could only mean one thing.

Hidgens stared at the crown. Ted stared at Hidgens. The spectator watched the realisation dawn on both of their faces and grinned, leaning back against the prop boxes at the side.

"Wait, what?! You're not saying…"

This prompted a stiff chuckle from the spectator. "Oh no. I am sayin' that. Ted… Professor… Only one of you can take the night. Decide how ya want, but I'd be careful if I were you, Mr Spankoffski… That guy's got quite the track record, 'specially against you…"

Ted's expression perfectly conveyed all of the confusion he felt, but the matter was never elaborated upon. He'd been thoroughly incapacitated at several points through the day, but he knew enough to know that Hidgens was aan absolute madman, and could feasibly turn whatever he wanted into a weapon. He knew that he'd only gotten through these fights in the first place through sheer luck and fighting alongside him.

Being pitted against him, he stood no chance.

"Wh- are you joking? Against him?"

"Got a problem?"

"Uh, yeah, he's insane! I'd be dead before you leave the stage!"

The spectator raised an eyebrow. "Don't forget which one o'you has the advantage here… 'S all. Good luck, fellas." With a shrug, they left the stage from the same staircase they'd entered from— something completely anticlimactic for the ominous messenger that they were— and took their position in the audience once again.

The advantage… The advantage…

Ted realised that it was him who had the advantage. It was his hand that still held the knife. He readjusted his grip, knowing he'd have to act fast against someone like Hidgens, and immediately lunged for him.

It was a badly calculated move, but he'd been hoping that something would come of it. Hidgens stepped slightly to the side, and Ted's momentum almost carried him into the wings. He spun on his heel the moment he found his footing once again, trying for all it was worth to stay facing the man who was now his adversary.

"How have you learned nothing all day?" Hidgens taunted.

"C'mon, Hidge, our first fight was—" another attempt with only marginally different results. "— two teenagers in an office in high school! This isn't exactly that, is it?"

"Maybe not for you.." Hidgens was scanning the area, looking for anything he could use against a knife. Ted needed to give himself a little credit, he could be competent enough when he wanted to be, but that knife didn't look good on him. Especially considering he didn't have the first idea how to use it.

"Okay, first of all, fuck you. I can fight."

"Okay then, fight."

Hidgens circled him, looking rather like a predatory animal. Ted tried what he could to keep pace, until the professor ducked backstage and vanished. Until the moment he returned, Ted tried to watch his back in case he was to appear from the other side of the stage without warning. But, he didn't. He re-emerged from exactly the same point he'd disappeared, carrying what looked like a fairly sized fireman's axe.

Ted faltered. "Where the hell did you get that?!"

Swinging the axe to get a feel for the weight of it before finally letting it settle in his hands, Hidgens smirked. "When you know a place well enough, you get to know certain... added extras. Besides, you got to keep a weapon. This is only fair..."

The spectator had leaned forwards the moment they noticed the axe, their eyes flashing with a kind of unmatched excitement. Now this was a fight worth turning the tides for.

They watched for a while, this fight between axe and knife. Between a man who was known for having killed in almost every timeline, and a man who was known for dying in almost every timeline. Between an experienced nutcase, and a man who was just trying to stay alive. At first, it had been easy to decipher which way this was going to go. The professor knew what he was doing with that axe, and there was no denying the fire behind his eyes, but to give him his dues, Ted had done a fair bit of the heavy lifting in carrying them both through the fights.

They did so love it when things got interesting.

Ted drew first blood, which was unsurprising, given that Hidgens' only options were to miss or to maim, and he didn't loook like the type to make warning cuts. But Ted was also the first to incapacitate his own weapon, after one of his attempts to draw ended with the knife being lodged deep into one of the beams at the side of the stage.

That would've been the end for anyone else, but there was one thing that the professor didn't know about his opponent, something that was so clear to the one watching them both. And that was that Ted Spankoffski had been favoured by the Lords in Black, and the Bastard would not let him go that easily...

Dumb luck, some would call it. But, the spectator saw the crackle of yellow light from backstage in the moments before Ted managed to dislodge his blade from the beam, and the momentum from the force of the final pull carried him into lodging the blade somewhere else.

Straight into the professor's chest.

Hidgens had been advancing on him slowly as he tried to free his weapon, axe raised and gleaming under the stage lights. He was close enough to striking when Ted turned through the momentum of dislodging the knife that it had dug straight in.

The axe clattered to the ground.

[sensitiveheartless]

20 questions for fic writers!

Tagged by @feralrookie! :D Thank you for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

10! (technically, kinda)

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

379,547

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Bungou Stray Dogs! It's also the first fandom I've written for, actually. :D

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is how it feels to take a fall (Dazai goes feral, time shenanigans)

Plate :( (Dazai breaks a plate, experiences emotions)

Dazai and the Moving Detective Agency (Howl's Moving Castle AU)

Chuunyaa's Pawsitively Catastrophic Day (Chuuya is turned into a cat, it's short and pretty much just shenanigans)

Wish in one hand (First fic I wrote, and the first one I posted — Dazai has emotions about handholding)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but I've been absolutely terrible at it lately — whenever I'm particularly stressed I start worrying that the negative emotions are going to leak through into what I'm writing and make my tone sound weird, so then I end up turtling in on myself and not saying anything at all, no matter how much I want to engage with people. It's a bad habit, and I want to work on it, so I'm gonna try to catch up on comments! (I treasure every single one of the ones I receive, so for anyone who has left a comment and hasn't gotten a response from me yet, thank you and I am very sorry about my inability to form words in a timely manner skdjfksd)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably An Unsent Letter, since it's pretty much just a short snippet of Dazai being sad while he's leaving the mafia. And even with that one, I have in my head that skk still get together after the four years apart, I just didn't write it. I am dreadful with sad endings — although the ending to "This is how it feels to take a fall" is a little bittersweet, perhaps.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm...I'm gonna say Dazai and the Moving Detective Agency, because it's the one with the longest buildup, so I think it has the most catharsis, at least for me! But I tend to give all of my fics happy endings because, as established, I am a wimp when it comes to hardcore angst. I will say that Zut Alors I Have Missed One is probably a contender for happiest as well, just because that fic had no angst whatsoever and was just Unhinged

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Nope! Everyone's been lovely! I have gotten some for my art, but honestly it was pretty toothless and I couldn't take it seriously lol

9. Do you write smut?

...Yeh. :0 There was an attempt, at least — one fic, and I made it anonymous (so on the extreme off-chance that anyone notices a discrepancy between my total ao3 wordcount listed here and the summed up wordcounts of the fics viewable on my profile, that's why!) It's also another fic I need to finish, I hit my writing roadblock with that one at the same time as all my others, and it's almost doneeee I just need my brain to cooperate >:|

10. Do you write crossovers?

Not any proper crossovers, only things like the Howl AU and the Little Mermaid AU, where I took the settings/plots and put in BSD characters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

...Possibly? I'm not actually sure, I've given a couple people permission, but I'm not sure if anything came of that, I haven't heard one way or another :0 I do have a tendency to use puns, which I realize might make things difficult for translations

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not so far — and given how tempestuous my schedule has been, it'll probably be a while before I attempt anything like that! Sounds fun, though

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

...I mean, it's gotta be soukoku, because for all that I've enjoyed a lot of fictional pairings before (for example, Howl and Sophie specifically from the HMC books, Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing — I like bickering duos, what do you know — Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane, currently falling down the Hualian rabbithole because I'm reading Heaven Official's Blessing with my friend, and there's lots of other ones), for as much as I like all those, I haven't really had much of an urge to write anything for them.

So, purely in terms of me wanting to mess around with two characters and write them over and over and over again, it's really only skk! They hit the exact right combination of braincells, I guess lololol

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but probably won't?

Hmmm...honestly, most of my WIPs I still intend to finish at some point or another — first priority being the ones I've already started posting, of course! Although...just due to time constraints, I might not get around to writing the thief!Chuuya/detective!Dazai one I was planning a while back. (and I mean a WHILE lol) I didn't write very much of it, and honestly most of the reason I wanted to write it was for comedy — so maybe I'll turn it into a short comic series instead, because I do think some of the bits were funny :0

16. What are your writing strengths?

That's a hard one; I tend to look more at the ways I want to improve my writing then at what I like about it, and I nitpick just about everything I create, art and writing alike. But if I had to pick something, I would probably say dialogue? That tends to be what I write easiest, at least. I still want to get better at that too, though.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions and action scenes. I've been making myself write them more, so I think I'm slowly improving (the Howl AU has been great for that! It pushed me to write all sorts of scenes I wouldn't have normally :D ), but those two things remain what I get bogged down by the most.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends on the circumstances, I think? I'd include translations if I did. I do tend to include Japanese honorifics when I'm writing in the canon universe, because there's not really english equivalents and it feels like I'm leaving something out when I just do their names straight — although I did take them out when I was doing the Howl AU and the Little Mermaid AU, just as a setting thing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Bungou Stray Dogs — like I mentioned in the ship section, this is the first fandom where I've really felt the urge. Although I did write things when I was little that very blatantly yoinked in various creatures and concepts from the things I was reading and watching, which resulted in stories with pirates and weeping angels and Ringwraiths all running around in the same place. But I didn't usually bother with bringing in actual characters from those pieces of media, or even using the settings, I just made ocs and had them run around in my own made up world.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I like all of them for different reasons, but I think my favorite overall has to be Dazai and the Moving Detective Agency. It's the longest thing I've ever written, and when I started out I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it — so the fact that it's most of the way done (currently chipping away at the epilogue, it is getting to be a LOT of words) makes me really happy. And it's just been so much fun! Writing characters I hadn't before, piecing the world together, working out the magic system, writing Dazai being a mess and Chuuya being cool, it's all been a blast. And I seriously need to finish the epilogue, because the followups are living in my brain and they demand to be freed aksdfjksdjfk

But yeah! I'm not sure how many writers I know on here have already been tagged, so I'll just go open tags on this one! :D If any of y'all write and feel like doing this, then go for it!

[munchmemes]

fall out boy lyrics, so much (for) stardust edition

❛  what would you trade the pain for?  ❜

❛  we were a hammer to the Statue of David.  ❜

❛  we were a painting you could never frame.  ❜

❛  you were the sunshine of my lifetime.  ❜

❛  i'd never go. i just want to be invited.  ❜

❛  every lover's got a little dagger in their hand.  ❜

❛  there's no way off the hamster wheel on this rat race.  ❜

❛  give up what you love before it does you in.  ❜

❛  no matter what they tell you, the future's up for grabs.  ❜

❛  is there a word for bad miracle?  ❜

❛  we could dance our tears away.  ❜

❛  it's open season on blue moods.  ❜

❛  i guess i'm getting older 'cause i'm less pissed.  ❜

❛  you put the 'fun' in dysfunction.  ❜

❛  hold me like a grudge.  ❜

❛  the world is always spinning and i can't keep up.  ❜

❛  part-time soulmate, full-time problem.  ❜

❛  i guess somehow we made it back with a few dreams of ours still in tact.  ❜

❛  i got no map to my own treasure.  ❜

❛  i thought i knew better, i thought it would get better.  ❜

❛  i figured somehow by now, i would have got it together.  ❜

❛  if you put your heart in it, then we'll do more than just get by together.  ❜

❛  i'll call you up and demand you have no fun without me.  ❜

❛  i make no plans and none can be broken.  ❜

❛  do you laugh about me whenever i leave? or do i just need more therapy?  ❜

❛  love is in the air, i just gotta figure out a window to break out.  ❜

❛  i didn't take the love when i had the chance but i swear i'm not sad anymore.  ❜

❛  we all started out as shiny dimes but we all got flipped too many times.  ❜

❛  we did it for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change.  ❜

❛  i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me.  ❜

❛  tell me, when the party ends, will you still love who i am?  ❜

❛  save your breath. half your life you've been hooked on death.  ❜

❛  be careful what you bottle up.  ❜

❛  i closed my eyes inside of your darkness and found your glow.  ❜

❛  shake things up and see what comes down.  ❜

❛  i got this doom and gloom in my mind but i feel all right.  ❜

❛  feeling so good right now 'til we crash and burn somehow.  ❜

❛  i know i've made mistakes but at least they were mine to make.  ❜

❛  all of my wildest dreams, they just end up with you and me.  ❜

❛  let's drive until the engine just gives out.  ❜

❛  i'll be whatever you need me to be.  ❜

❛  i cut myself down to whatever you need me to be.  ❜

❛  it's all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes.  ❜

❛  i take pleasure in the detail, you know? a quarter pounder with cheese. those are good. the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain. a moment where your laughter becomes a cackle.  ❜

❛  here i am, not sure you should take a chance.  ❜

❛  i like playing dumb, letting you figure me out.  ❜

❛  just another day spent hoping we don't fall apart.  ❜

❛  let's twist the knife again like we did last summer.  ❜

❛  i'm just trying to keep it together but it gets a little harder when it never gets better.  ❜

❛  late at night in my room, i lie awake and think of you and all your little dooms.  ❜

❛  last night, i dreamt i still knew you.  ❜

❛  i carved out a place in this world for two but it's empty without you.  ❜

❛  i've got all this love i've got to keep to myself.  ❜

❛  all this effort to make it look effortless.  ❜

❛  confront all the pain like a gift under the tree.  ❜

❛  oh please, i can't be who you need me to be.  ❜

❛  one day every candle's gotta run out of wax.  ❜

❛  time is luck and i wish ours overlapped more or for longer.  ❜

❛  but you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself.  ❜

❛  what is there between us, if not a little annihilation?  ❜

❛  i'm pretty sure as far as humans go, i am a hard pill to swallow.  ❜

❛  i spent ten years in a bit of a chemical haze and i miss the way that i felt.  ❜

❛  i felt you at the beginning but needed you at the end.  ❜

❛  stop me if you have heard this all before.  ❜

❛  oh, but you don't know me anymore.  ❜

❛  that's the way, the world, it used to be before our dreams starting bursting at the seams.  ❜

❛  we're out here and we're ready to livestream the apocalypse.  ❜

❛  the view's so pretty from the deck of a sinking ship.  ❜

❛  everything is lit except my serotonin.  ❜

❛  everything is lit but my lightning bolt brain.  ❜

❛  i just need someone to hold me even though you don't even know me.  ❜

❛  what a time to be alive.  ❜

❛  they say i should try meditation but i don't want to be with my own thoughts.  ❜

❛  when i said 'leave me alone' this isn't quite what i meant.  ❜

❛  bad news, what's left?  ❜

❛  i'm in a winter mood, dreaming of spring now.  ❜

❛  i feel like something that's been stretched out over and over again until i'm creased and i'm about to break down the middle.  ❜

❛  the stars are the same as ever but i don't have the guts to keep it together.  ❜

❛  life is just a game, maybe i'm stuck in a lonely loop.  ❜

❛  we thought we had it all.  ❜

❛  i need the sound of crowds or i can't fall asleep at night.  ❜

❛  i'm pretty positive my pain isn't cool enough.  ❜

❛  ache it till you make it.  ❜

❛  i think i've been going through it and i've been putting your name to it.  ❜

❛  i used to be a real go-getter. i used to think it'd all get better.  ❜

[sarcastically-dead]

There are many reasons I appreciate the Red Rising series. At first, I enjoyed it because it cured my boredom. Then, I was thankful for it because when some people got too loud, I could elect to read a fantastic book instead of throwing rocks.

And then there's everything else, really. There's wayyyy too much to spell out coherently. Jumping between one reason, and then having some god give me a divine boon in the form of yet ANOTHER reason why RR is the most underrated gem I've ever come across.

But right now, after finishing Lightbringer (literally today on the way home from a lecture) the thing I appreciate most about RR is its narrative on strength? And how absolutely soul touching it is?

Like. Pre-Book 1 and during book 1 is just survival mode. You've gone semi-emotionally numb with the strain of just. Getting Through The Bad Times. Darrow has somehow survived the mines, and it took so much out of him that I don't think even he really realised. And then Eo. And then the revelation. So now he lives and pushes through with rage - like a helldiver. It's all he has, along with a goal, so it's gotta be enough. There's no other way.

And then Books 2-3 are, through insurmountable setbacks, even through outgrowing your original goal, which fueled his spite entirely, he rises. He can no longer just be angry, even if its still in grasp, even if it's his oldest friend. He has other things he's discovered - his own abilities, a support network. The mantra 'Stay Strong or Die' continues. And even if it is aided by things other than single-mindedness, it is upheld. Darrow is the strongest he's ever been end of Book 3. He chose option 1. He can take on the world, and then another, and then another, and then all of them at once. It was hard but he stayed strong, so he will be strong.

And then the second part of the series. Um. Well. It does not go well for him exactly. You see, he has been in the mindset of survival for so long- as long as he can remember, really. He believes its natural for him. Its not, its learned, but it hasn't really had a chance to distinguish himself. He severely underestimates exactly how much prolonged service of his mantra takes from him - but at this point, can he even create another one? It's all that's gotten him to this point (not necessarily true), it's his oldest crutch. When in stressful situations, we do not rise to the occasion nor to our ideals, but rather we fall upon our base training. And anger is at his core.

You can see things slowly loosen themselves around him - the Vox, Mercury (Jesus, everything that happened with Mercury). Stay Strong or Die is unravelling at the seams. What do you do when your basic, core tennate, the thing which kept you from falling, the pillar on which you balance to spin various dishes, wobbles?

Darrow comes crashing down, and for once, anger isn't what leaps forward to catch him. In fact, nothing catches him. Instead, he lays, and is blanketed by tiredness. He stays there awhile.

He's not Strong.

He's not strong.

Hesnotstronghesnotstronghesnotstronghesnot

There are two options. If he's not the first, the second one follows, no?

No.

By pure fucking luck, happenstance, or whatever benevolent God saw the absolute shitstorm that was going on with Darrow, clutched their pearls in shock, and with trepidation waved whatever blessing they could Darrow's way, Darrow does not die when he is not strong.

Because that blessing, what used to come second to him whenever his rage bullied itself into the forefront, stays when his rage leaves just as fast as it came.

Eo. Sevro. Virginia. Electra. Orion. Cassius. Ragnar. Alexandar.

Pax.

His strength leaves him, but it is replaced with something else.

Death begets death begets death.

Love begets love begets love.

Begets strength.

[helluvabossrewrite45]

Hey. I've seen some of your rewrite of Helluva Boss scenes and I really like them. I enjoy how you fixed the issues with the writing and how incredibly spectacular your writing of the improved dialogue within the scenes are.

Honestly, I feel inspired by your work. I have an idea for my own Helluva Boss rewrite where I not only fix issues the show has (ex. tonal shifts, inconsistencies & plot holes, worldbuilding issues, etc), but also integrate my HB OCs into my rewrite (ex. my main HB OC Alice Lola (Ally for short), who is an assassin at I.M.P. and an aspiring writer).

I was wondering if I could ask you this: do you have any advice & tips you could give for who have an idea for starting an HB rewrite, or a rewrite in general? I ask out of curiosity as an aspiring writer myself.

Feel free to respond back when you get the chance. Thank you and have a wonderful day/afternoon/night. Keep up the great work! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 🤗💕❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖💕🤗

Thank you, im glad you enjoy my rewrites and of course, I can offer up some advice for rewrites;

I think one of the best things in writing a rewrite is that you can use these minor details the piece your rewriting has and use them to you advantage. For example, I noticed that Octavia listens to music whenever she hears her parents arguing or at the dinner table where her parents would be and probably would have at least some awkward tension so from rewriting seeing stars, I use that minor detail to highlight her character and her arc of using music or the moon festival to ignore her problems even though it clearly doesn't help. It also contrast with Loona in my rewrite ignoring her problems that she later acknowledges and the two would open up, closing the character arcs in a nice neat bow. Another would be that Millie is often depicted as either moxxie's wife or a murder machine and from the little time we see with her and her family, I rewrote millie growing up having to be in her sisters shadow and just wanting to be her own person instead as inferior or someone's tool. This would establish why she has a rivalry with her sister while also giving her more character for her to be explored (which we should've gotten from harvest moon tbh), Any details you find in helluva can be a tool for you to explore whether it be for the characters, world etc...

Something that even I learned is that when rewriting, you gotta plan what your gonna do with the characters, with the worldbuilding you establish, with all of these plots/ideas your rewriting. Most of the problems helluva has is because vivziepop didnt plan the show out until season 2 rolled around and if we wanna rewrite the show to be better, we ourselves cant make the same mistakes. If you already started the rewrite however, i suggest you look back on the rewrite your already doing for as much as you can to remember in order to not fall into the same mistake the show itself has

When planning an oc into rewrites, I think the main thing is to ask what are they doing here, what purpose do they serve to the plot and what is their character overall (their motive, personality, character arc, likes, dislikes, relationship with the characters, how they bounce off to the other characters etc...)

As another aspiring writer who has a lot of original stories in the works (there's even an original story inspired by helluva boss and some of my rewrite ideas for it), I think its important to approach criticism as a helpful tool rather than an insult. Especially when its rewrites. I always want whatever I'm writing to at least be of decent quality and is regularly curious of how people would react to my original stories still in the works so receiving it and even given criticism for it can help, you know? Since you have an established audience and them offering criticism can be your tool that you can use to improve. It should be noted though that their is a difference between criticism and personal bias/subjectivity. For example, if someone wanted to point out a plot hole or a mistake in your work, that's criticism you can use. But if someone just tells you to go touch grass for your rewrite or something like that, then its not criticism, that's personal bias/opinion they have of rewrites in general so it offers nothing you can use to improve it.

That's all I got so far, I hope this helps!

[queerofthedagger]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thanks so much for the tag! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

132 which. insane.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,520,700 which is even more insane. anyway

3. What fandoms do you write for?

BBC Merlin, Stranger Things, The Sandman, The Raven Cycle, and Lord of the Rings, and coming soon probably also Black Sails, let's be real

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

Old Haunts (Are For Forgotten Ghosts), A Study in Choices and Second Chances, I Wouldn't Leave You If You Let Me, Still I Surface in Morning Light, and Fate Rests Heavily On Our Shoulders. I'm never not baffled by the fact that my two most popular fics not only are for HP, but are for Regulus/Harry. Like. That tag has maybe 100 fics???

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! Sometimes it takes me a while but I'll tend to get around to them eventually <3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think that's a toss-up between my my s5 Morgwen AU With Eyes Wide Open, and the one where I made the Diamond of the Day worse, watch all my bridges burn

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is such a difficult question because Angst with a Happy Ending is kind of my brand. That said, esp where Merlin is concerned, one thing I think about a lot is the inevitability of tragedy and how, no matter how many fix-its I write, personally I believe that most of them, if I didn't end them before the fact, would eventually end in some kind of tragic way, actually. Like. Very rarely is Merlin not immortal, or the world not against them, or or or. So in that vein I guess one of the happiest ones would be We Can Always Run because it's such an utter rejection of destiny, an utter refusal to even pretend they're playing the game.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely, thankfully.

9. Do you write smut?

Occasionally, yeah! It's a constant process of pushing at my comfort zone tbh, but I do enjoy doing it (ha), so!!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope, it's just not really my thing, neither for writing nor reading. Obviously never say never but yk.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Unfortunately (don't do this).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Such a cool feeling, I love the thought of them existing in other languages in the world <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope; there have been and are a few plans for that floating around though 👀

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

This is so hard but in the end it gotta be merthur, like, because I love them to pieces but also just for the sheer amount of words I've written for them. Not sure if/how that would ever get topped, especially considering it's like, on-going.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

There's a bunch of HP WIPs I would have loved to finish, but I've fallen so utterly out of love with the fandom I don't really think it's ever going to happen at this point tbh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Worldbuilding, plots/characterization, and prose; I think I'm solid in those and they come easily to me/bring me the most joy when writing. Editing, in a way, because I'm an obsessive bitch with a system about it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions; I'm just not a very visual writer, which is not too huge of an issue when writing familiar characters and settings in fic, but becomes immediately and glaringly obvious whenever I 1. introduce non-canon stuff, or 2. have a go at OG. Also planning/outlining; I can make a bunch of notes but if I write an outline, I will not write the fic. I don't think it's necessarily a weakness, but it can make a bunch of additional work when it comes to the plottier stuff.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Not the biggest fan tbh, which I know is probably controversial but odds that your audience will understand it are low if it's more than a bunch of words you can guess from the context? I prefer the ""dialogue," he said in Latin" approach. It's subjective though I get it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Bandom RPF at like, 12 (not telling you which band peace and love). I took a long fandom hiatus until a couple of years ago though, and under this fandom alias it'd be HP/Tomarrymort.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Still There Are Many Names In History, I think. I love a lot of stuff I've written, but that story has my entire heart in it, and the response to it has left me sobbing like. a ridiculous number of times which, like, is not something that I usually have to deal with lmao.

No Pressure-tagging: @prattery @emryses @glaftwlet @snapshotmaestro @merlinemrys @atlantablack @insane-ohwhyfandoms @hazelands @aeonthedimensionalgirl @slantedknitting and anyone else who'd like to, just say I tagged you <3

[roppongi-division]

Zakari's Thoughts on Toyama Division

Asato Rikiya

"Ugh, not hating this guy or anything, but I almost wish my mom hadn't found out about him, his farm, or his family's products. Ever since she read this article on the Internet about how 'fried foods can lead to heart disease and other body problems', she's been on a total crazy diet faze! Every night, there's always some sort of green vegetable on my plate when she cooks dinner! Now, don't hear that and assume I'm some bratty child that doesn't like to eat his vegetables or anything. I'm not big on them, but I'll still eat them, if I must. But there's gotta be something to counteract them, damn it! Like meat or something!"

*Sighs* "On the plus side, Asato-san's produce is pretty tasty. ...But man, I don't know how much longer this 'nothing but greens' diet I can take..."

Yano Ietsuna

"...I don't know the full story about what happened between this guy and my friend, Dice. Apparently, some words were said, things were done, you all know the story. Normally, that'd be reason enough for me to dislike this guy, but... well, dad did tell me how he made the cute ornament that mom has on her desk in her office at the nightclub. Plus, Lucy tells me that her boss, Sakura-san, really has a thing for this guy, which is a major shocker! I didn't think a tough, hardcore woman like her would go for a guy like him!"

"So... barring that, I guess I can give this guy a chance. But if I don't have anything to do with him, the most I'm doing is ignoring him whenever I'm in Toyama. ...At least until I find out the full story from him or Dice."

Kensaku Morimoto

"Ha! I really like Kensaku-san! I met him that day I went to get my physical done by my doctor. But he wasn't there, so Jakurai-sensei took over. I met Kensaku-san when I was just leaving. This guy is hilarious! He's not exactly on Sasara's level, but he's pretty close! Whenever I go to Toyama, I always head over to his office to hear his routine. Right now, he and I have a little side bet going on: whether he's funny enough to get Jakurai-sensei to laugh or not! Ha, this will probably be the easiest $100 I've ever won!"

ECO BooN

"This team, like my mom said, is pretty peculiar. Kensaku-san is alright, and I'm neutral when it comes to Asato-san. Yano, on the other hand... like I said, outside of the D.R.B., the least I'll do is ignore him. In the tournament though... well, don't blame me for anything I say to you, pal. Nothing personal!"

[leggyre]

How many people know of interspace? Do Yu&co? Daniel or Pop? Can Pox go in there if it's outside the world he created? What's the connection between Tae and interspace? (Can't remember if you've already explained any of this)

It causes disturbance to natural order so Pop knows and hates it. For the same reason, Pox knows and loves it.

It's good to re-do questions sometimes because you never know when there's new information! -- I've mentioned before that Pox itself can't go in, but occasionally it sends like a little clone of its consciousness into the interspacial holes. They can't really regenerate energy on their own so they gotta go back eventually, but that's fine because they need to come back so Pox can actually know what happens in there.

Now, I don't recall how much I've talked about Tae and his relation to Interspace. SO here are some Definite, Updated Facts: - He got into interspacial shenanigans by accepting a deal with Memorando, who is conducting some Evil Experiments for Evil Purposes in Interspace; it's "take over the world-- i mean, universe" kinda stuff. More specifically, it wants to find a way to harness the chanced trait of producing energy, so it tries to track down and kidnap those who can do that. - Tae just got sick of the guy. Never really liked it, just stuck around because he had to. So he left as soon as he had the opportunity to do so(being able to mostly because Memorando was just SURE he wouldn't ever manage to do it so there wasn't a lot put in place to prevent it), and took two very important things that help him survive. - He's been in and out of Interspace for a while, he has something that can create very short-lived holes connecting it to the Universe, and he uses them to get away Memorando who is Still hunting him down. He also uses it to dodge Space Police(travelers) whenever he's in the Universe because he's hanging out with a source of energy (so-called ellie whose name i have to change) which is Space Illegal. He sticks more to Interspace because even in the way it is, it's a place he has more control of. - Funny trivia time! Memorando's original target in Senvroha was Rimna, but Daniel got in the way. It made a deal with Tae hoping to get him to lure Rimna instead, but Daniel!!! took!!! the damn kid!!! :/

So like there's not much of a chance that someone that ends up in Interspace will come back. Most of who know have only heard of it; it's a known thing between Travelers because they have to know it's dangerous to go in Suspicious Magic Holes(tm).

Everyone who's connected to Pox knows because Pox won't shut up about Interspace(IT'S SUCH A COOL THING GUYS WE SHOULD CHECK IT OUT).

Nubia knows nothing, they are a normal person in a very weird place who is unaware of Space Shenanigans so what they live feels more like a different world than a whole different reality.

Now here's the fun one. I've mentioned before, I think, very vaguely, that the entirety of Interspace is a being. Something that doesn't know it is, but is nonetheless.

"Red", being interspacial in origin, is also Interspace.

[aenslem]

aslkjdlasjf THIS GD SHOW, argh. i just finished season one, which i thought was a good idea, you know, finish the season before taking a break. *facepalms* i have those annoying things to do again (stupid household chores, every gd day you gotta do things), so it'll be a few hours before i can watch more, but i should be able to watch at least one or two more episodes today, so HOPEFULLY things will be a bit more resolved by tonight x'D

you were so right, there is so much happening, and i think EVERYONE on that gd ship needs a few years vacation after all this x'D

"married divorced remarried and divorced again and still having feelings for each other" asljdalksjda that is so correct, they are just that x'D

it's so fun, they're like "i don't trust him" pretty much all the time, and then Rush is like "so i had a dream" and Young is like "ok, i'll call General O'Neill" and they keep relying on each other so much right now, it's great, and Young risking the whole gd ship to save Rush, after having tried to kill him, what, twice already? amazing ❤

ah, yes, fanfiction ❤ it's so good at casting light on things from different angles, i love that, seeing characters and their motivations from all kinds of different point of views. though, you gif makers do that too and i love it, it's so great to look at different gif makers in the same fandoms and see how you focus different things.

right now i'm pretty exclusively reading McShep fics, but we'll see how that looks once i'm done with sgu x'D if you have any recs, please feel free to share!

btw, i've been trying to remember why i followed you from the start, and i'm pretty sure it's Star Trek, and specifically Spones, which, ALL MY LOVE! but i also want to mention how much i love following someone who gifs a lot of women, i love having more women on my dash! i never finished OUaT back in the days, but all your Regina and Swan Queen gifs are making me want to, and your Michelle Gomez gifs, waah, i do not want to watch CAoS! 😭 but you are kicking me in the butt about finishing Doctor Who too with your gifs of her (i sadly miss most of them though since i have it blacklisted for spoilers), i had no idea she was in it but man did that make me want to watch it when i found out!

okay, sorry that this got so long, even when i'm trying to keep things brief i end up being very wordy. so many things to say!

anyway, i'm gonna go do the things now, the sooner i get them done the sooner i can watch more sgu =D oh, wait, no, you posted something from 1x18 last night! i didn't look at it since i hadn't watched it yet, so i'm gonna go do that first! =D ❤

/Rodney anon

Oh don't be sorry , you can get wordy in my inbox whenever you like :3

You're fast! but why am I surprised, I finished 7 seasons of OUaT in a month lmao.

Well, imagine how it was for those who were watching sgu when it was actually airing, they did not have a chance to go and watch s2 right after s1, and you can :D so other things are not as bad as break between seasons of the show, but yeah, there's always things to do, sucks

askjhdaksjhd 'i just had a very interesting dream' scene is so good, and it so much better when you take it out of context lmao

well, they have to work together, they don't have a choice. you know how things were when he left rush on that planet, eli is smart, and eli was also right

but eli is still not good enough to do all the work, so no matter how much they don't trust each other, they have to work things out and work together and then finally going towards trust and comradery

well, at least they will try lmao

SPONES!!!!!!! SPOOOONEES! they are everything to me!!!!!

well, if you finish ouat and start caos... I am so sorry in advance lmao

I am not sure I can even explain what mess of the shows are those two, I have similar feelings towards both shows, I love the cast, I love some characters, I love women there, I hate the writers :D

Michelle is stunning in caos, there's also Miranda Otto, and they are like my moms, I love them, this show is worth watching just to look at them, but there's also... the rest of the show and plot asjkhdakjdh

same goes for ouat tbh, some characters are great and actors are doing such a good job and then there's whatever was happening in the show, but it;s still fun if you don't take it all seriously.

you will facepalm a lot and you will have an urge to rip your hair out sometimes, but if you try caos, I will give you two good reasons for it

that's it, think about it

okay, but you definitely need to watch doctor who, WATCH DOCTOR WHO!

[ibarap]

[Event] A Match on the Sugoroku Board / The Die is Cast 2

Natsume: ...

<A few days later, at the meeting to explain the 'Match on the Sugoroku Board' project.>

Hinata: He~ya, Rinne-senpai!

I never thought we'd get to work together at CosPro! I'm looking forward to the match between agencies. ♪

Rinne: Well, if it ain't Hina. Yer on your own today.

I woulda thought you'd come here with yer twin, sayin', "2wink are two people workin' as one!", nah?

Hinata: Me and Yuuta-kun aren't joined at hip like we used to~. We're doing a thing where we can take turns showing up, so it's just me this time around.

Ah, and thanks for the hard work, Vice Pres~. Salute~. ☆

Ibara: Whatever. Salute.

Hinata: Ehh, you're so mean! Vice Pres~, you're no fun, you know?

Ibara: It's annoying if you pull the same joke over and over again. It's enough that variety shows are always seeking a reaction from me as is.

Anyways, Switch are the only ones not here yet.

They're a running little later than scheduled. Mikejima-shi, Narukami-shi, would you happen to know why?

Madara: I don't have a clue about what goes on at the agency.

I do take on odd jobs around there and all, but I try not to poke my nose into anything related to the units or idols.

Arashi: Me neither. Lately, whenever I see Aoba-senpai, it's like he's always at the office. Maybe Natsume-chan is stopping him, thinking he should to take a break...?

Ibara: Hm. I tried to call someone from each of your units to let my ever-busy Eden rest.

But as a result, it's not hard to imagine that they're fighting over who should be the one to come represent Switch.

Well, shall we proceed with the people we have here?

I ask that someone from NewDi will tell Switch about what we'll be discussing today. With that out of the way—

Natsume: ...

Hinata: Ah, it's Sakasaki-senpai! Everyone was worried, wondering if you'd come to the meeting or not, you know~?

Natsume: ... (Ignores him.)

Hinata: He's super mad?! What happened?!

Natsume: Nothing 'happened'. Does everyone here know about NETV?!

Arashi: What do you mean...?

Natsume: That venomous snake offered all of us a job, but something felt off, so I conducted an independent investigation.

And wouldn't you know it — I was right. Did you know the director of A Match on the Sugoroku Board was blacklisted in the entertainment industry for committing an act of violence?

Madara: Huh, that's the first I've heard of it.

Natsume: Well, he was going by a different stage name at the time, so it's impossible to find that out from his name alone, but I took the liberty of gathering evidence using connections I have in the industry.

Don't play dumb. You knew, and yet you dragged NewDi into it, didn't you?

Ibara: Ahaha! As expected of your information network~, I'm in awe!

I can't help but admire the fact you never trusted a word I said to that extent. What you said is true.

But don't you think getting mad over that is a bit much?

Natsume: ? What are you saying?

Ibara: The director already regrets what he had done and even paid his fines. The legal process is over — moreover, the victim had settled with him out of court.

For him, who has since reformed, this program might be his chance to make a comeback.

Don't you think it's a waste for him to get held down by his past and even lose his job because of it?

Natsume: The problem here is that you were hiding that fact from us.

Ibara: Are you upset I was 'hiding' the fact I was considerate enough to not make you waste your time by looking into this~?

Or are you saying our individual freedom should be decided by the powers that be?

For you, Natsume-kun, to have won over a man who had lost his way and yet hold that kind of opinion... It seems I've judged you incorrectly as well... ♪

Natsume: ...

Rinne: You two're bickerin' before things even start. Y'all're gettin' so heated, it's like I can see fireworks between y'all.

I'm with ya on that — don'tcha think he made up for the crime he did back then?

Us Crazy:B folks gotta give him respect for that.

Hinata: Rinne-senpai's right~. As for me, I'm fine with it as long as it's interesting.

The project proposal was done properly, so all that's left is deciding to go onto the film set. Doesn't that sound good?

Madara: Rather, if he were still committing crimes, maybe we could even help prevent a future crime before it happens.

I also want to get shown around NETV this one time.

Natsume: ...I understand. I was the one being close-minded here, we'll go with that.

But there won't be a repeat of this. My doubt has grown stronger than before because of your sneak attack.

Senpai also wants to participate in the project, but I took the liberty to confirm things myself.

Ibara: Yes, yes, thank you for doing that!

If you were to ask me, I felt nothing but sympathy for him, knowing his choices for the future became narrower due to the circumstances of his past.

In the event something comes up with A Match on the Sugoroku Board, I'll be there to get all of CosPro's idols out the second it does!

Well then, let me explain what A Match on the Sugoroku Board is! Everyone, please pay attention... ☆

» Prev | Masterlist | Next «

[go-fuck-a-dead-protagonist]

The Stickmin Run: a loose ruleset for Loathing roleplay

So I'm incredibly mentally ill about stick games (surprising nobody) and my favorite thing about both The Henry Stickmin Collection and the Loathing series is the palpable sense of chaos, absurdity, and nonsensical things that seem totally normal to everyone within the narrative. When I first got my hands on West of Loathing, I was knee deep in the HSC hyperfixation, and I saw a few connections between the games and ended up creating this ruleset for a very specific Loathing game roleplay exercise: playing a Loathing game as one of Henry's ancestors or distant relatives.

The idea is that you will use this made-up connection to push the concept that Henry's bloodline has literally Always Been Like This, and with this concept, take the most absurd route available to you within the confines of the game

Basic Rules

These rules qualify your run as a Stickmin Run.

Character must have the surname "Stickmin"

Must play the game in as silly a manner as possible (i.e. Using the book of silly walks in West, being employed everywhere in Shadows, checking the arachnophilia and phonia boxes in Shadows [as long as you can handle the spiders], etc)

Play your character with an incurable case of kleptomania - steal EVERYTHING.

Hoard everything - you cannot sell an item unless it has the blue Just sell it tag in the item description.

Take routes of nonviolence whenever possible - always default to trickery, deception, or other assorted nonviolent silliness in pursuit of your goals. Some fights are unavoidable, but most of them can be circumvented with good stats or requisite skills.

Never surrender - NEVER give up on anything. If the game lets you try again, ALWAYS try again. Failure is but a path to success. Never surrender to random encounters - if the only way out is fighting, treat that encounter like an unavoidable fight.

Optional Guidelines

Follow these suggestions for the full experience.

Choose moxie classes - Moxie classes get by on trickery, sabotage, and general absurdity, which is exactly what we're looking for. This isn't required - I've met many a worthy Stickmin cow puncher or cheese wizard - but for the full experience, play like a bard.

Become ungovernable - even when working with the government, Henry is tacitly anti- authority. You answer to no one but your friends. At most, you could be a hired hand (such as assisting the sheriff in Dirtwater) but no government can truly hold a Stickmin down.

Chaotic Good - Henry makes many bad decisions over the course of the multiverse, sure, but I don't think I'd ever describe him as an out-and-out villain. Sure, you cause chaos, but the fate of the world is at stake here! Help the hobos, avoid shadow taint, seal the El Vibrato portals, and send those Cows back to hell where they came from.

Don't half- ass it - alternatively, if you DO wanna be a villain, no Stickmin worth their salt has time to pussyfoot around. Lean ALL THE WAY IN. if you're gonna go the villainous route, go FULL TILT and take absolutely no prisoners. No middle sliders allowed.

Wiki is your friend - there are many ways to solve problems in the Loathing games, but our boy Henry usually only gets one. As such, feel no shame in using wikis and steam guides to their full extent. Look up every event you encounter to ensure that you always make the best decisions - oftentimes in the Loathing series, you don't get other chances.

Reject tradition - who says a Snake-Oiler's gotta use moxie weapons? Stickmins are at their best flying by the seats of their pants. Equip wildly unfitting clothing and weapons and see if you can force yourself to find some off-meta strategies! Be creative! If you're a real stat hound but still want a bit more unconventional silliness, collect weapons that don't match your class stat and then use items to convert them.

Kinda gay to have a life partner - run with one sidekick for the whole game and construct an elaborate and dramatic relationship between the two of you in the lore of your character.

And most importantly, have fun - fuck rules! Feel free to tweak any part of this post, I dunno, I'm not the boss of you. A true Stickmin is beholden to none other but themselves!

So yeah! That's the essence of the Stickmin Run. I hope you have fun with this little ruleset, and I encourage anyone who makes a Loathing character along these lines to drop me an ask and tell me all about them! I'd be absolutely chuffed to hear it.

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Caliban’s cravings are so fascinating to me. Can we get a story of when Caliban’s cravings first return? Him trying to hide them at first and maybe when Azalea is beginning to catch on?

That's so sweet of you to say! Thank you so much!

I've already talked about this in a few asks (mainly this one, this one,  this one, and these two. Major kudos to the anons who sent said asks in, btw! I've really gotta start making an emoji list so I can recognize people). But I'm happy to expand on it a bit more. Even if I do want to keep some things vague. . .

(Trigger Warnings: implied murder/death, implied cannibalism, implied violence, mentions of blood, cravings/hunger pangs, mentions of eating/drinking, implied abuse/neglect. Please let me know if I missed anything.) 

(Also, just to clarify: this snippet takes place years before Caliban and Azalea joined The Pentas Family)

___

His world is a blur thanks to the violent movement he’s fighting against. . .

Caliban’s eyes felt dry and heavy. One of them twitched as he stared into the darkness of his room. Even as he kept tossing and turning in his bed—the same one he’d had to hide under so many times before—he couldn’t seem to close them.  

For the first time in years, the house was quiet. Not calm (a place like this would never, never be calm. Not to Caliban or his sister, at least), but quiet. It had been ever since. . .

Caliban flinched badly as a long, low, sickening growl reverberated under his skin. 

. . .Or, the house was relatively quiet.

Logic insisted that the noise wasn’t as loud as it felt, that Azalea couldn’t hear it through the wall in the room next door. 

A small voice in the back of Caliban’s head chastised him for still trying to look for logic, considering exactly what he’d done. 

Caliban swallowed a lump in his throat, trying to take deep, slow breaths.

It didn’t steady him at all. In fact, it almost seemed to amplify his stomach’s demands. 

His teeth click-click-clicked against one another as he started moving his jaw up and down without knowing or meaning to. 

Caliban hadn’t even realized that he’d started shaking until he felt himself curl into the fetal position, his arms snaking around his abdomen.

As if that would do anything to drive the aching and gnawing and churning away. 

The skin is soft and warm under his teeth, tearing far too easily. . .

Several hours came and went, and Caliban found himself in the kitchen with his sister. It was a wide, open area, providing more than enough space for a much larger family to use. That luxury ultimately meant more things to clean, but that wasn’t too much of a problem right now. 

Azalea paced back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen, transferring what she and her brother had used from the table to the cabinets.

Caliban, meanwhile, stood before the sink, soap suds nearly reaching up to his elbows. He’d always found it pretty damn stupid that so many types of cutlery couldn’t be put in dishwashers, but he wasn’t about to complain.

He could barely remember the last time he’d eaten a full meal, a proper meal.  (Azalea had smuggled food to him whenever she had the chance, of course.)

Now that the two of them had free-reign of the house. . .

Both the pantry and refrigerator were decently-stocked. There was nobod—nothing to withhold any of that food from him now. 

Still, he needed to be careful with it. He had to make sure there was plenty for his sister. Aside from that, it would only last so long. 

The siblings may have learned how to properly stash any money they managed to come across. (Hell, they’d found plenty more sometime on that fateful day, when they’d entered a room they’d previously never even been able to breathe in the direction of.) But they needed to be cautious about that money, needed to use it sparingly until they figured out what the hell they could do about their circumstances. 

Caliban moved to the side as Azalea came up to the sink to soak a spare rag with soap and water. She paused, peering at him, then offered a small smile as she went to wipe down the table. Caliban smiled back. 

Earlier, they’d worked together to make a small feast. It truly seemed that Azalea had been born to cook and bake, and Caliban was eager to learn what he could. 

It’d been so. Damn. Refreshing.

Being able to just coexist with Azalea, help her, enjoy this new freedom with her. . .it’d almost been enough to distract him. 

Almost. 

But when Caliban finally turned the faucet off, when he began drying off the things he’d washed, when he took a gleaming steak knife into his hands. . .something crawled into his mind.

The blade was clean.

It shouldn’t have been clean.

It should’ve been be dripping, should’ve been slathered in red, should’ve been slicing into—

It clattered back down into the sink as Caliban’s stomach began to roar. 

Caliban ground his jaw. He almost immediately felt cold sweat begin to form on his skin as his sister froze, slowly turning to face him. 

“. . .We literally just ate,” Azalea mentioned, tilting her head, eyes filled with concern. “Are you feeling okay? Is your stomach upset?”

“I. . .” Caliban’s reply was shaky, as something in his throat was trying to pull his voice down. “I’m not sure.”

Blood gushes out, dark and crimson and rich on his tastebuds. . .

Caliban had trouble settling onto an armchair at one corner of the living room. It wasn’t uncomfortable; the leather was plush, and it seemed to give the perfect amount of support for his back.

He just wasn’t used to actually enjoying this space. If anything, this room was one that he and Azalea had typically tried to avoid. 

Speaking of Azalea: she was sitting cross-legged on the floor. She’d all but covered the coffee table in colored pencils and fine-tipped markers, and her eyes were glued to one of the adult coloring books she’d had hidden away. 

She didn’t seem to be feeling out of place or tense, but Caliban had been wrong before. 

Caliban lightly shook his head, trying to focus on the book in his lap.  

The carpet was smooth under his feet.

The carpet also still carried the smell of dish soap. It wasn’t as strong as it had been on that day, (and even then, it definitely wasn’t as strong as bleach would’ve been), but it hadn’t faded away. 

A chill raced up Caliban’s spine as he chewed at the inside of his cheek. It’d seemed impossible that he and Azalea had been able to clean the carpet so quickly. Especially with how he’d felt something stir as he’d stared at that huge, dark red stain. . .

He caught movement in his peripheral vision. He glanced at his sister, who was scanning the coffee table instead of the page she’d been working on (an abstract drawing of an octopus, which now boasted pretty blue rings along its tentacles). Her brow was furrowed in confusion; she was obviously looking for something. 

Caliban’s eyes wandered to the floor. Sure enough, he discovered a pale-gold pencil resting near one of the armchair’s legs. He reached down and plucked it up, then audibly tapped it against his book. The noise caught Azalea’s attention, and she swiveled her head to face Caliban. Her slight frustration melted into a smile as her brother handed the formerly lost pencil to her. 

“It’s healing,” she murmured. “Shouldn’t take more than a week.” 

Caliban’s own smile flickered as tilted his head at the statement.

Azalea fidgeted in place, probably wondering if she’d actually meant to say that. “Your eye, I mean.”

“. . .Oh,” Caliban replied. “Right, right.” He subconsciously raised a hand. His fingers brushed against the skin around his left eye, which was a dull shade of purple. It was still sore, but the swelling had definitely gone down. 

Although. . .well, it certainly wasn’t the first black eye Caliban had ever gotten. And even if he’d somewhat adjusted to the throbbing, stinging sensation that always came with black eyes. . .he hadn’t exactly had time to focus on the pain that followed this particular one. 

Another awful groan shuddered through his intestines. Caliban flinched, biting back a gasp.

He saw Azalea freeze, saw her slowly bring her pencil to rest against the page, saw her begin peering at the room around them. 

Caliban forced himself to stare at his book, turning the page and almost accidentally tearing it out. He shifted in the armchair, hoping that the way its leather squeaked would somehow cover up the noise.

Shut up, he repeated the words like a mantra in his head as he pressed a hand against his midsection, his nails digging in through his shirt. Shutupshutupshutupshutup!

The smell of iron (or maybe pennies?) is so strong, completely filling his nose, to the point where his eyes are nearly watering and he can feel it creeping along his brain. . .

Caliban wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he’d crept out of his bedroom, had trudged down the stairs, had been pacing back and forth between the kitchen and the living room. 

The house was dark. Like the past few nights, it also wasn’t entirely silent. 

He was careful to walk slowly, to keep his movement as muted as possible. He didn’t know why he bothered, though. 

It wasn’t like he could hear his footsteps through the cries of his stomach.

It felt like the acids were alive, and that they’d somehow formed claws. 

So how the hell could his stomach feel so empty at the same time?!

He hovered in front of a door in the corner of the pantry.

The basement was unfinished. There was no carpet down there, no insulation, no windows.

No matter what the weather outside was like, the basement was always very, very, very cold.

The basement had always been a cluttered wreck. On one hand, that made it even more unsavory than its darkness and temperature. 

On the other hand, the mess down there had helped him and Azalea to hide the body. 

Caliban stared at the doorknob. It looked smooth, polished, even. But his instincts swore that the material would drag along his skin and leave a bloody gash in his palm if he grasped it. 

That didn’t change the fact that he needed to open the door. He needed to go down to the basement. He needed to stop feeling SO GODDAMN HUNGRY DESPITE HOW HE’D FINALLY BEEN ABLE TO EAT ON HIS OWN TERMS—

The kitchen light was suddenly beaming down.

Caliban whirled around to find Azalea standing just a few feet away. Her eyes immediately drilled into his, full of stress and hurt.

“Cal,” she pronounced. “You need to tell me what’s going on. Right now.”

Caliban’s mouth opened and closed a few times. No words came out. 

“I know something’s wrong,” Azalea insisted. “I know you’re not okay, and I know it’s not just because of what happened. The only thing I don’t know is why, and I can’t just—”

“Since when have either of us ever been okay?” Caliban finally replied, voice shuddering.

“That’s not the point.” Azalea argued, taking a step closer to him. “The point is that you’re my brother and I’m your sister!” 

Another step. 

“I care about you! I want to make sure that you're safe and happy!” 

Another step.

“But I can’t do that if you’re trying to hide things from me when I’ve never hidden anything from you!” Azalea’s voice grew weak, choked-up. She stood in front of Caliban, eyes now glistening.  “You never had a problem talking to me before. And I’ve never had a problem listening. So why now?”

 “Because I’m scared, Aza!” The words forced themselves out of Caliban’s mouth. “I’m scared because I don’t understand what’s happening to me!”

“And I can find a way to help you understand it!” Azalea almost shouted. 

Eyes starting to burn, Caliban nearly yelled back, “Well, what if that leads to you being scared of me?!” 

Silence

The seconds dragged by, jeering at the two siblings. 

“Do you. . .” Azalea tried, a tidal wave of emotion crashing down on her features. “Do you not trust me anymore. . ?”

Caliban felt his heart sink. “N-no, no! I do trust you, I swear! You’re probably the only person I can ever trust!”

It’d been a miracle that she’d helped him clean up the mess.

It’d been a miracle that she hadn’t fled the house screaming.

It’d been a miracle that, after seeing him hunched over and covered in blood, she’d approached him and snapped him out of that daze.

“I’m sorry—I just—I-I-I can’t—!” Caliban hardly felt dull pain flaring in his knees as he collapsed onto the floor, tears pouring down his features. It took effort to feel Azalea wrap her arms around him, to feel himself hug her tightly. 

He could barely feel anything other than hunger.

His sister was right.

He had no choice.

“I liked it, Aza,” he confessed, his voice caught between a whisper and a sob. “I enjoyed what I did, and I’ve been starving ever since I did it! The taste was so good and it was everywhere and I’ve just been wanting more!”

And with that, Caliban waited. He waited for Azalea to turn pale. He waited for her to push herself away from him, to stand up and start running.

He waited for what felt like hours and hours.

But she never did any of those things. Instead, he saw her push her hair out of the way before she rested her head on his shoulder. Still embracing him, still drawing circles on his back. 

“. . .That’s not your fault,” Azalea finally murmured. “You had your reasons; we both know you did.” 

Even though his crying had tapered down into hiccuping, Caliban wasn’t sure how to answer. Relief flooded through him, of course, but it was still overshadowed by shock.

“We can figure this out,” Azalea promised, carefully pulling back to look her brother in the eyes. “You and me.”

Like him, her face was covered in tear stains. But Caliban didn’t see a single trace of disgust or anger or fear.

“You and me,” he echoed. 

The screaming keeps coiling inside his ears long after the thrashing eventually stops. . .

[munchmemes]

melanie martinez lyrics, portals edition

❛  my body has died but i'm still alive.  ❜

❛  your words mean nothin' so take 'em back.  ❜

❛  you're always on my mind, i cannot help it.  ❜

❛  i don't wanna be carrying the weight on my shoulders.  ❜

❛  death has come to me, kiss me on the cheek and gave me closure.  ❜

❛  i won't say goodbye, i'm right by your side.  ❜

❛  i'm back from the dead.  ❜

❛  i know it's morbid but we all die one day.  ❜

❛  there's rotten things left in me injected by society.  ❜

❛  i cannot bear my sorrow.  ❜

❛  i hate who i was before.  ❜

❛  i fear i won't live to see the day tomorrow.  ❜

❛  look at the mess i've done, there is nowhere to run.  ❜

❛  like a priest behind confession walls, i judge myself.  ❜

❛  my eyes are staring at me and they seem so damn unhappy.  ❜

❛  collect my fickle insecurities and turn them into beauty.  ❜

❛  yeah, you can look but you can't touch. i'm not just anybody.  ❜

❛  thought the cherry would be better than the pie, you're like that. that's your demise.  ❜

❛  it's obvious what you're after but i'm more than that.  ❜

❛  i saw that trick fall out your sleeve.  ❜

❛  you hum a tune i don't believe and it ain't working.  ❜

❛  crossing my heart, i'd rather die than be the needle in your eye.  ❜

❛  it could've been more, now we'll never know.  ❜

❛  i know how to make you go crazy every day.  ❜

❛  if you wanna run with the magic, lose sight of the gravity of home.  ❜

❛  i've been the boys and the girls and everyone in between.  ❜

❛  you are the light i've been searching for forever.  ❜

❛  my past grew mold around my heart.  ❜

❛  all my anger, sadness, regret disappeared. it's madness. ❜

❛  i'm not used to all this love, it's true. but you made me want to plan out my last days on earth.  ❜

❛  i was surprised to see heaven in your eyes.  ❜

❛  i never once was treated right.  ❜

❛  you're what i'm missing in my life.  ❜

❛  let's run into another dimension, you make me feel like i'm on drugs.  ❜

❛  i wish to not be perceived, i didn't ask for this dangerous visibility.  ❜

❛  i'm feeling too scared to sleep.  ❜

❛  i'm flexing like pricks with their stolen power.  ❜

❛  you're/they're feeding off our highs and lows. curious to see us struggle.  ❜

❛  the center may seem like a gift. once you arrive, it'll strip you of your life and you'll wish that you never did.  ❜

❛  how much blood can you draw with your claws from a flesh that's not yours?  ❜

❛  you used all your words for a quick game and blew it all before you won.  ❜

❛  they talk without thinking and they bark while they're shaking.  ❜

❛  i'll be silent 'til you cross the line.  ❜

❛  don't you battle with my larynx tonight.  ❜

❛  call all your guys in the dive bar, they'll give you the validation your daddy could never bestow you.  ❜

❛  i'm done doing backbends.  ❜

❛  you got me like a bad tattoo, always under skin even when it gets removed.  ❜

❛  i never got a chance to undo positions that you forced my way into.  ❜

❛  why you always act so serious?  ❜

❛  it's so scary how my aura got him howling at my moon cycle.  ❜

❛  i don't gotta act, i'm a theorist.  ❜

❛  i could win a fight on my period. matter of fact, right now, i could build a pyramid. you're messing with my cycle, that is dangerous.  ❜

❛  i won't lick your wounds today but i'll throw you in the ring, get you with my suffering.  ❜

❛  i'm not crazy, i'm not wild. you're just a stupid, little child.  ❜

❛  get your image off my back, i'll give you a heart attack.  ❜

❛  i will not suffer and cry under covers. i'm not your mother. ❜

❛  i won't be ashamed for loving you so honestly. ❜

❛  i used to miss your kiss. now i'm hop-skip jumpin' over narcissists. ❜

❛  i never knew what it meant to be content with you. ❜

❛  everything i expressed and professed, it never quite made it through. ❜

❛  they said it's all in my head whenever i spoke my truth. ❜

❛  no, i won't defend you to all my friends. this time, i refuse. ❜

❛  take it to the grave if you wanna play pretend. ❜

❛  i won't be mistreated, please call me conceited. ❜

❛  lovin' you was lethal, guess that makes me evil. ❜

❛  every time you tell a lie, i'm praying that you choke. ❜

❛  hope you never cope, hope you slip on soap. ❜

❛  not safe but i'm sound. ❜

❛  all of the planning yet i still feel unprepared. ❜

[m4lice5un]

I watched the entirety of the Umbrella Academy. I had seen it before but wanted to watch the whole series before watching season 4

I don't think I've ever been more disappointed by the ending of a show - it was painfully bad

Spoilers ahead, not that I recommend watching season 4

In no particular order, here are my grievances

Allison got to negotiate details of the timeline they entered - why not include Sloan? What, she gets present day Ray but Luther can't have the woman he *literally* just married?

How did they not see the glowing liquid in their sake bombs?

Why is marigold a liquid at all? When Reg released it, it flew into the air

Klaus hit some waiter when he tossed his sake over his shoulder - did they not get affected by the marigold? Why?

Fuckin durango.. just.. why

How did the durango get into Jennifer?

During the original timeline's Jennifer incident - why did Reg send the Umbrellas? He very clearly has the resources to hire some merc group to blow up the container she was in. Why risk her coming into contact with them?

During the current timeline, why the town built to protect her? You telling me Reg isn't capable of child murder?

What in tf was up with they're powers?

Powers unchanged, but why did he get ape-ified? That had nothing to do with his powers

Powers unchanged

Can rumor people without speaking, which gets used once. Also acquires telekinesis...?

He can fly now

Can't jump thru space, but rather jumps into a subway that allows him to travel into other timelines. Cool concept, I admit, but come on - it's the last season - give me a sick ass Five fight scene

Tentacles come out of his back rather than his belly

Gone are the OP sound based powers. In it's place? A beam. Woo

Why did Klaus not even *try* to stay sober? It was clearly super important to him yet he immediately relapses as soon as he gets his powers back

What in the god damn was Jennifer doing, inviting Ben back in? Fuck him, he was a prick

No, really, why run away from lifelong friends with this dude you've known less than 2 hours?

Seriously, they had glowing rashes that were clearly from them touching. Why 👏 did 👏 they 👏 bang? 👏

Why have Allison save Klaus? Wouldn't it be a better story beat to have him make peace with the dead and conjure some dudes to dig him up? He's in a graveyard ffs

They gave Allison telekinesis... how that connects to rumoring people is beyond me

The cleanse, man. Just, like, wtf. All of a sudden there's this other magic substance, that counteracts the already established magic substance, somehow. It manifested in a girl who was found in a squid belly and instead of nipping the issue in the bud - Reg coordinated this massive effort for her to live in some backwater town

Does durango just 👋happen👋 whenever marigold is released? Why?

The last baddy in the series is a blob monster, omg

Five already had a compelling love interest, Dolores. I don't buy him and Lila hooking up. The show fumbled a chance to depict a healthy platonic friendship between those two and I'll never forgive them

Most importantly tho... The ending doesn't fit

The earlier seasons depict these deeply broken characters as being valuable in their own ways, as long as they practice compassion and offer each other room to grow. The Umbrellas are a tight knit group; it's shown again and again that the world is a better place with each of them in it

Soooooo... How does it all pan out? Turns out their existence is objectively harmful to everyone. So they decide to let themselves be consumed by the cleanse; erasing their existence entirely from the timeline. Except for Claire, and Diego's and Lila's kids. Feels super paradoxical to me, but hey, what do I know? I only just watched 3 seasons worth of explanation for why this kind of thing is, you know, bad

I gotta say tho, as a person with severe depression who's battled thoughts of self shutdown... What the fuck. The world *is* a better place without them? What kind of message is that? Shits hella disappointing

These are all just off the top of my head two weeks after watching it. I'm positive there's so much more I could nitpick if I watched it again. I genuinely wish it would've been cancelled instead of getting a last season with what we were given

If this series continues elsewhere, I hope it's an entirely different story. What we ended up with is an abomination of media, full stop

[carolinanadeau]

Embarrassing, ridiculous TMI under the readmore (not gross! just way too personal!)

I do not have PTSD and I don't want to be a part of the "flippantly using the word 'trigger'" problem at all, but I think I finally found a proper name for this harmful behavior I've wrestled with since at least high school, and it's called self-triggering.

Again, I don't have trauma... well, everybody has some trauma, but that's not the thing I'm triggering myself about here. And if I explained what I had actually been doing to myself (which may be obvious to someone who's reading between the lines but I don't want to talk about it for reasons I've stated before), it would sound laughably, mockably trivial. But the results are still an acute increase in depression and obsessive negative/angry thinking and distress and alienation from something that usually gives me joy... so it's still harmful to me, no matter how stupid and frivolous it sounds. Perhaps it's an OCD/depression self-triggering instead of a PTSD self-triggering.

I reiterate, what I'm discussing is not trauma, not EVER claiming it is, but:

In a similar vein, one set of case studies (De Young, 1984) conceptualized approaching situations reminiscent of the trauma as “counterphobic behavior” (i.e., an attempt to master anxiety by repeatedly approaching its source, resulting in a greater sense of control).  

I understand this, the "maybe if I keep looking I'll become desensitized", and "I need more information so I can better avoid this thing and people associated!" Or even "well maybe it wasn't really that bad, maybe I'm remembering it as worse than it was" (I'm not, if anything I've forgotten just how bad it was!)

Likewise, if trauma survivors perceive reexperiencing symptoms as inevitable, they may wish to decide the time and place of their occurrence, affording them a sense of control.

...is that the irrational "gotta get it over with" compulsion??  

Alarmingly, many users also report being unable to stop this behavior once they have begun despite the dysregulation and distress that it causes.

This is how it goes: I will read or even just skim through something that causes me serious emotional distress, whether that is a fanfiction with something horrible happening to characters I find comfort in, or a really nasty article full of harsh, baseless criticisms of something I love so much. (Again, these things sound laughable but to the way my mind works, it is not. Though I also do something similar with actual bad memories from my life [I think everyone does], well, you can't "reread" or refresh those. And I also have the power to delete/destroy any physical records I have of those.)

So, I will vow to never ever let this wretched thing enter my eyeballs again. I will ruminate about it and quietly seethe about the fact that it exists, and that some people even like/agree with it! I won't be able to get certain upsetting phrases out of my head and I will obsess and it will ruin my enjoyment of related things whenever I get reminded of it.

Maybe I will find ways to block or blacklist to lower my chances of seeing it. And I will be very vigilant about this for a long time and will successfully avoid it, even if I see reminders here and there that make me mad. Slowly, I'll only remember a few specific sentences from the thing, and even those may be unclear.

And then I'll suddenly develop the belief that I "have to" look at it again for some reason, and my heart will start pounding as I start bracing myself for this "inevitability".  And eventually the irrational, self-destructive side will win out and I'll do it, believing that it's like ripping a bandaid off for the greater good. Gotta get it over with, you see. I'll only glance over it, of course, because this time I already know how bad it is - I'll just read a few sentences here and there on my way to do something "sensible" like block the url or check who liked it so I know it wasn't my friends - but it will be enough to make me feel like absolute shit for days again, and now I have these fresh memories in my head to contend with and the cycle of trying to forget these bad bad thoughts and be able to freely enjoy the thing I love starts all over again.

and that's what you missed on Glee!

[marblealphabetsoup]

It's been hard to draw lately.

I just came from my first year getting to study in the field I've always dreamed of. It was amazing. I won't say I loved every second, but I will say I would do almost everything all over again given the chance. There would be a few obvious changes, but I'm glad it was as great as it was.

I'm learning how to be an animator and a better artist.

Part of that is actually doing the things.

Lately though instead of doing alllllllll the things, as my friends and family would say, I've been doing a lot, just, not a lot of what I hoped to be doing.

That's something I've noticed happens between busy periods. They're still busy, but in a different way. During the busy period I'm wall to wall booked with different kinds of work, but I'm squeezing in my own things anywhere I can fit them; I'm doodling during lectures or before different events, I'm starting comics on weekends, I'm writing in the middle of the night because I can't stop thinking about an idea.

Then the time that's supposed to be a break rolls around and it's weird. It doesn't feel like a break because I'm still running all over creation going to a heck ton of events and spending time with people I don't get to see as much when I'm working. During this time I still have a million things on my mind, but by the time I'm sat down to do them, all I want to do is scroll on here, watch YouTube, or- I was gonna say fall asleep, but it's been the opposite really, the middle of the night is the time I don't have any people wanting my attention. There are a few who do, but not in a way that can't wait till morning. So that last point on the list would be playing videogames, mainly Minecraft.

There's this illusion of sooo much time, and yet it's still full in the same way with something different, but instead of squishing in creative stuff whenever I get a chance it's just consuming things other people have had to say or make. By itself that's not a bad thing. Ideas don't come from a vacuum and I'm alright with the amount of reading I've done this summer too, but instead of looking for art that I enjoy I feel like I also should be making some which I haven't been doing nearly as much if at all.

The other day I was at a table with my dad, a family friend of his, and some strangers (who were fine until I learned a little more about them, yeesh). Anyway, I was at this table with them and there's this girl next to me probably closeish to my age, but I... maybe I should have talked to her. I didn't really want to talk to anyone there so I pulled out my sketchbook and started drawing since I had been having trouble getting myself to do that and the amount of background noise was kinda nice. We were in the middle of an outdoor restaurant with a concert nearby so a lot of noise which was perfect, never really liked when it was too quiet. Heck! My ears finally stopped ringing when I went to live in a bigger city for a little bit with MORE noise!

So I'm sitting there doodling and I just start drawing hands. Mostly my own, but any I can see. I start out realistic, get kinda, annoyed, then make them more cartoonish. I... enjoyed doing that. I liked doing that a lot. So why then whenever I sit down with the intention to do something similar all I want to do is let my brain shut down?

I like things that make my think, but it's also nice to just zonk out for a bit. There's a million things I want to do, I just need to get myself to do them.

Gotta find a better balance.