#so i'm sure i'll post stuff like that here and there
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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My web serial, Worth the Candle, has been adapted into a webcomic. This was thanks to my agent, who I have a great fondness for, since without him I would have to spend time trying to make connections and call people and do a bunch of work that I don't know how to do and am not good at.
I was offered the chance to write the webcomic, but declined, mostly because writing Worth the Candle had taken four years and was pretty draining, and was a story that I feel like I'm done with, minus some editorial stuff, answering fan questions, and the odd bit of promotion. So my level of involvement is that I get the pages as they come in, make some comments on them, and generally just give feedback which they are free to ignore.
So let's talk about some of the adaptational changes! You can read the first three issues on Webtoon here, or the first eight issues if you're willing to pay, and the books start here, but I'll assume that you haven't read either, and there won't be substantial spoilers because I'm talking about stuff from the very beginning. Actually, I guess there will be some spoilers, but later on, and I'll mark them, mostly having to do with some foreshadowing that the webcomic does which I didn't do.
(I licensed the rights to make the webcomic to WebToon and took my money upfront, they didn't ask me to write this post, I have not actually asked the artist/writer why they made these changes, it's just me guessing and commenting, for fun. Edit: My agent has informed me that I'm mistaken, I do get a cut. So apologies for the misinformation, and hooray for me, I guess I signed the contract ages ago and just forgot the details.)
Character Design
Here's how Juniper Smith is described in the books, ch 2:
I won’t belabor my physical description. My friend Greg had once said that I looked like someone had chosen ‘default’ for every option in the character creator, which I’d tried to laugh at but cut kind of deep. I wasn’t handsome, I wasn’t ugly, none of my features were very prominent, my eyes were blue, my hair was brown, average build, average height … After Greg had made his comment at one of our D&D games, my nickname had been ‘default’ for a while, at least until I stopped pretending to find it funny, and even after that my friends would use similar lines to trash talk me, saying that I was “the most generic man alive”, “a white bread with skim milk motherfucker”, or “the human equivalent of vanilla ice cream”. Not that I was any less of an asshole to them.
This is how he looks in the comic:
I would more or less give this full marks.
In terms of other aspects of character design, Juniper is here given a black shirt with a red symbol on it rather than the stock white t-shirt he's wearing in the opening chapters of the first book, probably in the interests of adding in some visual variety. On the page, it's perfectly fine that every person in the first 50k words is wearing basically the same stock outfit. In a visual medium, I do think that you need that pop. I do think it's interesting that Juniper is wearing the same clothes in the classroom as he is on the plane, implying that when he transmigrated his clothes ... came with him? I don't know.
The other major character of the first section is Amaryllis, who is a major character in the entire work. Here's her description in the book:
Standing by a workbench, among various car parts, tools, and cans of unidentified fluids, was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
I’m not really sure what protocol is here, in terms of prose. I mean, I don’t want to sound like a creep, so maybe I should stay as generic as possible and tell you about her dark red hair pulled back in a braid, the glacial blue of her eyes, how starkly alert she looked as she peered over the parts in front of her, or her grease-smeared clothes. Save for her eyes, I wasn’t really focused on any of that. My mind was consumed by tracing her curves, the shape of her chest in her blood-stained t-shirt, the fullness of her lips and the delicate way she had them parted -- and yeah, it was pretty fucked up that the splatter of blood on her shirt wasn’t worth rating much of a mention. I was consumed with staring at her and thinking how gorgeous she was, until I noticed that she was having a powerful effect on me, at which point different parts of my mind were given over to marveling at the sensation of being so attracted to a girl, and others were still focused on her.
Imagine that someone spent a few years studying your likes and dislikes, running through video of your every private moment, somehow surreptitiously hooking up EKGs to measure your physiological responses without you knowing. Then imagine that they sat down with that data and the best photo manipulation artists in the world and made the absolute perfect picture to cause your heart rate to spike, a jolt to run up your spine, butterflies in your stomach, and a cold sweat on your palms. Then imagine that they did this again, over and over in slight variations, until they had a full 4K 60fps 3D movie to show you. That was what it was like watching her.
And here she is (as she's introduced) in the comic:
Aside from the change in clothes, which in the book are the same white t-shirt and blue jeans that everyone else is wearing, Amaryllis has a scar on her face, of unknown provenance. This was probably added for visual variety, but I do find scars to be very fetching, and in one of the early versions of Worth the Candle she did have one (patterned off a woman with an extremely attractive facial scar I had met, the kind of facial scar that looked like it was applied by a Hollywood makeup artist specifically to give a touch of the exotic and mysterious, except she was a just a Midwestern mom).
And of course Amaryllis was always going to be an adaptational challenge, because the books are told through Juniper's eyes, and she's The Most Beautiful Girl in the World to him, and conventionally attractive to everyone else. Juniper tries to be normal about this. But if you're in the visual medium, you have to show both how Juniper feels and how she actually looks, and attractiveness is just so incredibly personal. My wife and I get in these kinds of discussions a lot, where she'll think someone is good-looking and I'll say "him?" or vice versa.
I think the above panel in particular is a good middle ground, a glamour shot that snaps back to the reality of their first meeting:
(The void gun she's holding there is much different from the one described in the book, not something cobbled together from spare parts and void equipment, but this is another very minor change that I would assume is meant for communicating immediately that this is a lethal weapon, and there's probably not a place for explaining how and from what it was cobbled together, which is also under-explained in the book for reasons of pacing.)
Story
I've read the first nine episodes, and overall, it's hewing very closely. There are a few bits in particular that stand out to me in how they're handled.
Spoilers for later in the series follow, I guess.
These are the opening lines of the webcomic. This is much stronger foreshadowing than I used, and I like it. Part of Juniper's backstory is that he's been deeply depressed and self-destructive, and he's slow to open up about this with other characters or the reader. The "it" that he couldn't go through with is, then, suicide. In the books? This comes very very late. Juniper being depressed after Arthur's death is brought up after the first major arc, halfway through what's now Book 1, and gets more explicit as the books go on, eventually getting to Juniper talking about his attempted suicide with people and grappling with it like ... almost halfway through?
I don't know what the plans for the webcomic are, but my guess is that they're setting up for much, much later on in a way that I didn't. This was always a background element, something that informed Juniper's character, not so much the suicide attempt as the feeling that came after, this understanding that yes, he did want to live, a heady, energizing kind of "I guess I don't have the way out that I thought I did" sort of thing.
So I take it as a good sign that this is the opening line. It points toward them understanding where they're going.
One of the other major adaptational changes is that they signpost Arthur's death with a memorial on his desk:
When I was getting pages, this was one of the first moments where I was like "yes, this is a good change, visual storytelling to replace my walls of text, flows and offers indirect information". I am very happy with the adaptation thus far, and stuff like this is what I love about adaptation in general, the need to grapple with the strengths and weaknesses of the medium.
Content Rating
Worth the Candle gets grim and dark in places. It at least attempts to grapple with serious things. The webcomic is rated Young Adult, and I'm not sure how they're going to handle the later stuff, but I can talk about how they're handling the stuff now, and what I think it means overall.
First, there's a lot less swearing. Worth the Candle in its entirety uses the word "fuck" ~1200 times. Granted, this is over the course of 1.6 million words, so a fuck density of one every 1.3k words, and some of those are in the verb "soulfuck" rather used descriptively, as exclamations, etc. My personal feeling is that this doesn't matter basically at all. I don't think I notice when someone isn't swearing unless they're using corny substitutions or trying to get cute with it.
Second, the violence is toned down in that YA way, where they're still showing much of the same things, just not with the same level of visceral detail. When a Marvel comic has someone thrown into a wall, they're no blood or snapping of bones or mangling of bodies, at least if it's a comic at a certain rating (I have definitely read some edgy 90s comics that do go hard on the violence). I think, overall, that this isn't my preference, which might be obvious from the way that I try to write fight scenes and such. But I'm also sort of inured to this toning down of violence, since it's omnipresent.
Third, there's the sex stuff, and ... well, it hasn't come up in the webcomic yet. I think I laid out my reasoning for why I think sex scenes should be written/included in Why to Write a Sex Scene, but the brief version is that sometimes you're showing how characters relate to each other, what they think of each other, and the sex scene shouldn't always just be something that's skipped over and left to the reader's imagination, because things happen, there are moments of communication, it can and does develop a relationship in the moment rather than after the fact. Plus a little titillation is, in my opinion, usually good.
The great thing about writing webfic is that no one can stop you from just including three solid chapters of hardcore pornography in the middle of your story. I have never done that, but I could is the point, and I would only get complaints from people who have no power over me. That same freedom doesn't exist here, and ... yeah, it makes my heart sink a little bit.
Fourth, there's some of the more mature content stuff, the topics that might not be broached. I don't know how they're handling that, so I reserve judgment, but I think my opinion is probably going to be "well, you do what you have to do", and if my version of the story is superior because there are no brakes, then I can be smugly superior about that.
Conclusion
This is already a fairly long post, and there are a few other things that I could have remarked on, but I think this is all the most interesting stuff.
Alright, just one real quick: Arthur is adaptationally more attractive, though this is also how Juniper sees Arthur and I think by the standards of webcomics, this is actually sort of necessary. Most of the flashback cast is not described until much later on, and by then you kind of know and understand them from the things they've said, if you can keep track of them. Many of the flashbacks are nearly disembodied. But if you're showing Arthur early, then the first impression he's going to make is in his appearance, and that really anchors people.
So overall, I am happy with the adaptation. There are challenges ahead, and I'm thankful that I'm not the one who needs to tackle those challenges.
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Okay so something happened in the trekdom (is that a term anyone has ever used)
I think spirk got canonised?? Or something?? And I assume that as my certified Trekkie Mutual you feel some kinda way about this. you’re a Spones shipper but still how we doing?
I'm sure someone's used trekdom! It makes sense as a word regardless
I appreciate the Trekkie certification lol
Yeah dude, look. Most of the fandom is big into spirk so like people enjoying that romance is par for the course! I got nothing against spirk, it's just a bit of a boring dynamic so I don't really spend time on it. Too healthy for my tastes. Spones is way more juicy, it's got the tension and the sort of different world views that you see in good omens, so it's fun!
To be clear tho, spirk is as canon as it's ever been. Strong subtext, but in the way that a homophobe could watch it and say well they're just good friends. Nothing has changed in that sense, it's just another bit of footage doing more of the same. It's less gay than a lot of the original series, but it's new and shiny so on a surface level i get the excitement
Shatner, who plays Kirk, has done this as a non canon short film. It's apparently considered as canon as the novels? Which is like, not much. Most people don't engage. I haven't really looked into that, im not gonna watch it cos it kind of pisses me off
The thing that really fucks my goat about it is that the guy who plays Spock died a while ago, and didn't get along with the guy who plays Kirk. But the guy who plays Kirk has funded and produced and managed this whole thing to be about his character and his importance, regardless of the wishes of the original Spock actor. Including literally doing someone up in prosthetics to look more like Nimoy. Not just Spock generally, but specifically Nimoy's Spock. Nimoy was involved in star trek films in his late life, and he didn't choose to do this when he was alive. Only after his death has Shatner forced this to happen
That's what's leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. And I feel like people are either not accepting Nimoy's death and are happy to see him puppeted by someone he disliked, which makes me pity them. I work in aged care so I know I'm more comfortable with death than the average, but like. This is a bit fucking dark, no? It's maudlin, let him rest in peace for fucks sake.
That, or they don't mind the manipulation of his image if it tickles their ship, which makes me dislike them. And I don't think I'll really get over that any time soon, it's so disrespectful. And those are both negative feelings, so I'm kind of generally not pleased about my dash rn
I'm trying to take an angle of being about McCoy cos he doesn't feature in the short and that feels wrong. Spock-centric stuff is feeling a little tainted right now, but I'm sure that'll pass. Fanart is different to this kind of image stealing, but it's still weird for me rn. And as much as I love Kirk, I can't remove him from Shatner and his megalomania right now. I hope that'll pass, but I don't think Shatner's gonna stop here so. Hm.
Besides I like McCoy and he's not complicated by all this so I'm just continuing to play in my little sandbox
It's a weird time for trekdom. There's a bit of a rift, and not down shipping lines. I'm seeing a lot of posts working through their complicated feeling around the disrespect inherent in stealing Nimoy's face for Shatner. And I'm seeing other people celebrate the disrespect cos their ship held hands and that makes it worth it.
I'm hoping people overwhelmingly calm down a bit in a week, get a bit embarassed about how pleased they were over something so gross, and it just sort of goes away. Then we can all go back to having a go at Shatner for his constant sexism and homophobia
At least it's not fucking AI tho!
#not tagging cos this borders on hate and even tho im kind of grossed out by the whole thing#i dont like to yuck other people's yum#im not sure i explained it well#but that certainly explains the drama!#ive been reblogging plenty of stuff
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Only Blood Communion and Interview With the Vampire to go now. I'll make more elaborated posts about my thoughts once I'm done with everything, but here are some of my opinions:
TVA is absolutely my favorite (I've said it before and will say it again: the most purifying cry I had in my life, it destroyed and restored me in the best possible way), TVL, TQOTD and Prince Lestat are also on my top 4, though I don't know where to place the latter on my personal ranking. The others are sort of tied and the order changes according to specific aspects. Like, Blood and Gold covers a lot of eras and places of the world, has multiple interesting characters, so it's fun in the sense there's a lot of stuff to see, even if I'm not a Marius's fan and he isn't the best narrator imo. On the other hand, something like Merrick is more packed, just her, Louis and David (and some Lestat), but I just love her as a character and the whole story of her family. I can't really choose.
Memnoch would be the last because it was the one I struggled with (tho I loved Armand on it), I thought the concept was great and I could've loved it with a more active, intense and eventful execution. Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis is second-to-last because most of the plot was dumb to me, the part that made sense was solved in an unconvincing way, I had to do a lot of suspending disbelief even for a supernatural/sci-fi story... But it was nice to have so many characters I love reunited, even if some didn't have lines, it's nice to know they're around and I enjoy the vampires having sort of a healthy little community.
Favorite character is definitely Armand, then Lestat, then Pandora, Maharet, Mekare, Flavius, Merrick, Bianca, Gabrielle, Mona, Benji, Avicus and Petronia (they didn't appear much and did awful brutal stuff, yes, but having an intersex/gender-fluid character was great and they had so much baggage I could empathize with them). Most after Armand and Lestat are tied. I don't know if I'd call Benedict a fave, but I'm somewhat attached to him (and I KNOW about those spoilers). I LOVE Vittorio and Ursula too and I hope they can appear in some shape or form on the show. I don't looooove Antoine, but he's alright to me. He just seems to be a poor/broke dude who wants to live, have friends and dedicate his existence to his hyperfixations and I can relate because same lol. I get him.
Favorite pairings (either as an OTP or brotp): Lesmand (👑👑👑), Pandora and Flavius (👑👑), Maharet and Mekare (👑, they just don't get more crowns because they don't appear as much as I wanted 😔), Armand and Benji and Sybelle (as duos and a trio), Armand and Riccardo, Armand and Bianca (pretty much Armand and everyone that isn't Marius lol), Lestat and Mona (their childish siblings-coded beef entertains me), Maharet and Jesse and Vittorio and Ursula (👑👑). I wish I had seen more of some characters/dynamics, tho.
MAYBE I could tolerate Marius and even love Magnus (he seems to have a sad and interesting story) if all I'd seen of them had been the content of the last trilogy, but given the previous books, I'm not sure I can enjoy Anne's decisions. I have a lot of mixed feelings about Magnus apologizing and Marius's behavior not even being seen as something to apologize for in the first place, but that's for another post.
Some of the books I would've been able to read and love with or without the show, some I only read to get information, but I'm mostly glad I'm equipped with so much of the lore now. That's not to say there aren't problematic things even for the genre that I need to compartmentalize and ignore (to some extent and not completely) for my enjoyment, because there is a lot of that, but it hasn't been a waste of time. And I'm glad I know what can happen in the future, make silly little fancasts and have events to look forward to seeing on the series. Obviously, opinions can change with the next books, when I re-read the novels or even with conversations and discussions... And that makes me excited as well.
#interview with the vampire#the vampire chronicles#vampire chronicles#iwtv#tvc#vc#armand#lestat de lioncourt#bianca solderini#benjamin mahmoud#benji mahmoud#Maharet#Mekare#vittorio di raniari#Vittorio the Vampire#vtv#new tales of the vampires#ntotv#Benedict de Landen#tvc spoilers
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Prev // Next
Transcript:
Phoenix arrives home exhausted after a long day. He can’t wait to slide into bed next to Dawn. It seems impossible to sync up their schedules lately, and he’s missing her a lot.
When he walks into the living room, he’s surprised to find her asleep on the couch.
He crouches down and strokes her hair, feeling almost guilty for waking her.
Phoenix: Hi. Dawn: You’re home. Phoenix: Yep. You must’ve been tired, you’re still in your work clothes. Dawn: So tired.
He stands to help her up, but she doesn’t move, doesn’t even open her eyes. Phoenix: Do you want to come to bed? Dawn: Mhm. I’ll be there in… in just a minute. Phoenix: [unconvinced] Right.
---
The two of them wake up the next morning on the couch, still in their clothes from the day before, and wrapped in each other’s arms. Their alarm is beeping faintly from the bedroom down the hall.
Phoenix squeezes Dawn tight before forcing himself to sit up.
Phoenix: Good morning. Dawn: G’morning. When did you get home? Phoenix: Around eleven. I tried to wake you. Dawn: I know. I was so tired, I couldn’t move. Thanks for staying with me. Phoenix: Of course. It feels like sleeping is the only thing we do together these days. I wasn’t going to miss it.
Dawn: Ough, I know, we need a vacation. Phoenix: We do. Where should we go? Dawn: Hmm, somewhere tropical. I want to drink cocktails on the beach and swim with dolphins. Phoenix: Oh, that’s different. Dawn: I know. I know you prefer the snow, but— Phoenix: No, let’s do it.
Dawn: Really? Phoenix: Yes, really. It’ll be fun to go somewhere new. And if you have to walk around in your bikini the whole time, then so be it. Dawn: I see. You have ulterior motives. Phoenix: Definitely.
Phoenix kisses her then, softly but in a way that makes it clear just what those motives are.
Unfortunately, the alarm is still beeping in the other room, reminding them that there’s another busy day ahead of them. They both sigh and look at each other, wishing they could soak in this rare moment together a little longer… maybe they can.
Dawn: I’ll go shut off the alarm. Will you put on a pot of coffee? Phoenix: Yep. When do you have to leave? Dawn: About an hour. How quick do you think we can get ready? Phoenix: Thirty minutes? Dawn: Ooh, ambitious.
---
Phoenix: So, when should we do it? Dawn: Do what? Phoenix: Take a vacation.
Dawn: You tell me. You have that look. Phoenix: What look? Dawn: That I’m-asking-a-question-so-I-can-give-you-the-answer look. Phoenix: I don’t do that. Dawn: So, you haven’t already come up with a plan?
Phoenix: Okay, maybe I do that. Dawn: Mhm. So, when should we do it? Phoenix: How about August? It’s far enough in advance to plan, and it’s the last chance I’ll have before things get crazy in the fall.
Dawn: And just in time for our anniversary. Phoenix: [feigning surprise] Is it? Dawn: That sounds perfect. I have to get going though, so we’ll have to figure out the rest later.
Phoenix: What time will you be home tonight? Dawn: Six. Seven, at the latest. Will you be here? Phoenix: I’ll try to be. Dawn: Okay. I love you. Phoenix: I love you too.
#Spring#so i'm officially on break now#story will resume on jan 1#in the meantime i'm working on that faves of 2023 tag#and i have a couple asks that i've been holding on to#so i'm sure i'll post stuff like that here and there#but i have so much writing and prep work to do so i need to focus#sorry if the different sizes is annoying in this post#didn't actually plan on posting today but i'm impatient lol#i also didn't proofread so if you see any errors - no you don't#ts4#ts4 simblr#ts4 story#sims 4#sims 4 storytelling#sims 4 challenge#starsignchallenge#starsignlegacychallenge#gen1 aries#aries pt3#phoenix realta#dawn stephens
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#hellooooo it's been a long week for sure#got my exam results. did a lot better than i thought i'd do!!!#also had an interview for a place in a community college which i got#but i hopefully got into uni (i'll find out 2pm tmrw) so i mightn't need it!!!#i'm so scared man i'm used to class sizes of like.. 8 😭#and now i've gotta get 4 buses a day to the city and back instead of a 20 min stroll up the road 😔#did a pub crawl saturday to celebrate. had a lot of fun#been having fun with bg3 too!! i'm still on act 1#my ear is blocked again 😔 it's €60 to get it drained ughhh i'll just suffer on#getting my first tattoo soon though 🥳#enough about me lol i need to make a personal sideblog one of these days#i'll def have a lot less time to be active with sims stuff if i'm starting uni so i'll be sure to make one ^^#ANYWAYS here's ms macmahon#/roxana#i swear to god i'm going to catch up with all the new kmik posts when i wake up tomorrow#if i don't assume me dead#ts4
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collection of tiny guys
#art talks about stuff#vocaloid#fanloid#project diva#not going to specifically tag the game because while the spritesheet these are from is extend's these are both in 2nd/extend#hatsune miku#kagamine rin#kagamine len#megurine luka#kaito#meiko#akita neru#yowane haku#sakine meiko#meiko looks so fucked up because she's the only one with nothing on her arms#anyway been meaning to isolate the non-kaito ones for a while so here's the full set#i'm pretty sure there's also like. snow miku/hachune miku/some specific luka + kaito ones but i'll make a different post if i do them#''barney why don't you just graphically exorcise screenshots of the models'' because i can't get noesis to work yet#i'd have to line up the angle/zoom of them just right and that sounds like it would suck#once i can get the models i will post hi res pictures of them that just won't be rn#spriteposting#id in alt text
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Interrupting all my chores for a very important event
#kamen rider#kamen rider geats#keiwa sakurai#sara sakurai#azuma michinaga#fanart#keimichi#ish? not sure whats the ship tag#i'll assume i shouldn't clog their kr name tags since they're not henshin'd here#as you can see op is on episode 47 as she posts it#TWO MORE EPS UNTIL I'M FREE FROM MY BLINDWATCH JAIL#posted my last wips and drawings on my side acc because this one is a more portfolio thing#altho some d2 stuff still clogs my page yelp#and posting this one here bc i think its good enough to be here?#its like a comic panel but larger lol#for the person who rb my last art with the tag 'keimichi is so real op':#you have no idea how much that tag comment carried me thru eps 40-46 lkjhgfdsdfghjk#they're the top notch slow burn i've been hoping for since episode 6#with the bonus of keiwa's corruption arc i was NOT expecting at all gosh i was so well served#ace promised me a world of happiness and he's delivering it — amen geats#anyway enough rambling i gotta go back to work
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just some 🥥 related sillies i've made for that fic we all know.
#durarara#izaya orihara#shizuo heiwajima#shizaya#a cheap imitation#i made a thing#i've been holding off on posting these here for so long whoops#i'm so shy... check out my lemonade guys#i've been very motivated to make various things for this fic as a result of this book club i've been hosting for my friends#i actually made the first image (not the video) like two years ago?#back around when i first read the fic and started being annoying about it to my friends#never posted it though because the shizuo i drew was ugly!!!#and the shizuo i drew for the second image this time around is still ugly!! unfortunately :(#well anyways if it isn't clear the images are both for chapter 19 while the video is for chapters 28 to 29 and a little bit of 30 lol#also i know izaya's actual problem isn't fucking shizuo but kissing him lol but it was funnier to keep it like this#you can check out more of this deranged behaviour over at my twitter of the same name#i know not everyone wants to go there though especially with the current situation...#so i'll try to bring over the more memorable stuff to post in batches over here which i think is the stuff i did any art for#since i've made a lot of multimedia type things dedicated to particular chapters as “marketing” for my friends#but i'm not sure they'll make much sense out of context so#my plan is to compile all of everything i've made for the fic during the book club into a powerpoint that i'll try to keep for posterity#because ngl i feel i went kinda hard with certain things that maybe only two people will appreciate#but i'll do it for those two people out there#also it's a whole book club for aci!!#*i'd* want to see what some random people have been up to with a book club for this fic#be the change you want to see in the world#side note i wonder if having so many fucking tags on your own post is a bad look...#idk it's so much clutter but i have too many things to say!!#i look back at my own previous tags and i physically can't bring myself to read them ahhhh#i hope anyone's enjoying them anyways
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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
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Hello hello!!! Guess what. Yokai art dump below the cut!! So cool and shiny wow
Its true, I do >u<
I'll try and section these and give the usual explanations below! Image ID for more drawing specific inksplanation.
Click for full image! Since a lotta these are weirdly shaped they were cut off....augh...
McKraken and Maddiman related doodlesssss they're some of my faves <3 i will always love them even if they're not my focus characters atm (well. McKraken kinda is rn but also Babblong so YAY)
Misc. Yokai and ocs! The frog is Kerosque, the guy w the swirly pompadour thing is Swiss, and the monkey is Romono (although he's a Regretevator OC from FOREVER ago, he's still my son <33)
SWISS STUFF RAUGHHHH ! inconsistent style will be APPARENT here try not to notice shuhhhhhgh
Height for main yokai in my AU/on Casp's team! (In the anime it's just primary summons then wwwww)
Some yokai practice/design hcs bc my friend asked!! I was so happy to share 🤭 LOVE YOU CHERCHERRRR
Some of my little guys once more! Rawry' prob one of my faves yokai to draw, easy and fun to do show-accurate or stylized.
OCSSSSSS. AND BADDINYAN. MY EVIL CAT <3333 the guy next to the frog in the middle is an oc idea but idk for what yet =▽=
AUGH. THERES AN IMAGE LIMIT? Well in case you're wondering it's 30....post the rest after I get tomorrow's doodles. See you then and thank you for looking at and reading about my arts!
#Also this is me just rambling now but like where would I be without commas and parenthesis? I love using them#...as I'm sure you've noticed. But that jusy proves my point!!!#I've been so insane about drawing recently like I will sit down and fill a page or so withing like 30 minutes bc I get bored#(Idk how much that I'd in retrospect but per my usual rate that's a Lot!!)#I've been using Swiss bc I wanna decide what to do with him in the AU after Event...#I also project onto him a lot bc some of his personality really reflects my younger self#Although very traditional my mother raised me rather androgynous in terms of typical child stuff. I got to hang with boy and girl stuff so#Swiss has a few aspects of when i hadent (and admittedly still havent) really gotten past my pride or fear in favor of#Oh i don't know#Making friends??? Not being unintentionally or intentionally a jerk?#Fun little fact; it's not really that Swiss is a picky eater#But rather he has some Problems.....#Like that he's really puntable/j#Caspian has tried to have him answer. Anything without lying but unfortunately he just Does That Sometimes#Sometimes it's not even on purpose. Odd but it happens!#Anyways. I could go on and on but it's almost midnight over here....I really am.like Babblong jajaja ○u○#□ yolo watch 2!#yokai watch#●posts from yomakai#yo kai watch#I'll just tag those with at least 3 appearances methinks#Aswell as ocs bc I flatter myself!!#Caspian ykw#Swiss ykw#Kerosque#Fuwhirl#McKraken#Dr Maddiman#Baddinyan#Casanuva
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y'all i've been upset about nanowrimo's shenanigans since last year, when kids weren't safe, and now there's this AI shitshow, and i want to cry about it again, because nano has been SO IMPORTANT to me since 2008--it helped me hack my writing process and make a bunch of cool shit, and i've written so many stories i love using it as a jumping off point. but. we gotta protect kids, and we gotta get the fuck out of here with AI bullshit.
so. the decision i have come to is that i will still be participating in nano. but now it stands for "now a's [that's me] novel writing month." i'm still going to write a book in november, and i'm still going to shoot for the 1,667 words/day (even though my finished projects wind up way longer than that, invariably), because i've structured my creative life around this routine, but i won't be using their site any more.
i will also not be tagging my november project posts as nanowrimo, but i WILL still be tagging them as "nano[YEAR]" (because that's been my tagging system for untitled projects for uh. years.). and it's now a's novel writing month :)
#text#personal#nanowrimo#nano2024#as soon as i can get my feelings together i'm going to go delete my account :(#i want to save my data from it though so i have to figure out How To Do That#that's like. that's my writing history. for over a decade.#well. one month's worth anyway.#i love the graphs i love the word counter i love the Record#i love that it did it for me so i didn't have to make it special for myself#a friend already did a little excel graph that accomplishes most of the same stuff so i'll use something like that#i've been counting offline for years anyway#i just. ouch.#literally the project i'm revising now was a nano seven years ago#so many of them have been#protect kids like DON'T SET THEM UP TO BE GROOMED HOLY FUCK#not protect kids like coddle and restrict access#protect kids like don't put people in positions of power who can't be trusted with it (like make sure the space is FOR TEENS)#anyway i'm tired and upset and i need to figure out what to do about this haunted house book#i wanted to get words out here before i continued to post about my writing projects just so i have sometime to point to about it#“hi here's my stance kthxbye”#admin
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wet beatles jumpscare 😔
#wet beatles jumpscare 😔#from 'keen teen' april 1965#got this issue to read a huge article talking about the animals' wmca good guy-related stuff 👀👀👀#there are some g o o d photos to go along with that article..... though hilton and chas may disagree#got jumpscared by wet beatles though 😔🙏 i had to do a double take to make sure i was looking at george#at least the article itself doesn't use the word 'beatle' as a prefix every other word like my issue of 'teenville'#they were in sydney here right??? so no ringo.... guess jimmy got wet too 😔🙏#george harrison#paul mccartney#john lennon#mclennon#because i'm sure y'all love your wet mclennon#the beatles#not a second mag#the stones were on the cover of this which was really cool!!!!#also eric and alan touched shoulders in one of the photos so that's a hashtag win for me 🙏🙏🙏#i'll post the animals photos sometime soon because eeEEE I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM ANYWHERE BEFORE
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i don't really want to bc like. there's many reasons for me to stay but. i don't think this tumblr life is for me anymore
#obvs im gonna keep this blog like i'm not. gonna go away. i can't lol!#i need to have a space to post when i do have stuff to post ... with gachiakuta otw ofc !!!#but i think it's time .... i admit to myself i cant do this the way i did anymore#not even back in like. 2021 but even just. last year. im not someone who can sustain interaction no matter how much i want to#there's just too much on my mind and im too anxious and way too insecure and with the election i have students to take care of#my family to prioritize and i have to move house and get my credentials and my degree so i can get a job.#it's just too much really to be worrying about what i can do here .. ive been in denial for so lng#not that that changes anything for anyone here or anyone reading this. i'm not disappearing and im still gonna be reading.#but i need to officially relieve myself of duty... iN MY MIND. if that makes any sense.#im sure i'll write again one day. my writing has come so far and ive finally noticed. and im so grateful to have tried so hard#i never let myself down once. thats for certain. i did what i could when i could#but i can't anymore and that has to be okay bc its whats happening.#anyway nothing's changing dw there's just been a shift in my psyche thats all#and i might post less and reblob more .. but that's all!#still love u ofc <3#caitie blabs
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PSA:
If you have related to how I have described Nathan’s struggles with his mental health and some experiences with life; emotional, physical and social etc (ignore the story/his fam background for this; I mean if you have been able to relate to his feelings/anxiety/negative physical sensations etc.)
Might be worth it to get your blood checked.
Especially B12, Vitamin D, Iron levels and Ferritin (ferritin should be 100+).
Building on top of the character, character background, and my research into trauma / mental health etc, I have always used a lot of my personal experience when describing emotions, feelings, and how mental health issues can feel like or present. It’s my attempt to make the writing feel realistic, had I experienced the things in the story or not. Aka even if the story was high fantasy and thus not realistic, I’d source my own feelings to make it ‘real’.
So. Regardless of what's causing it in the story: If you have ever related to how Nathan FEELS or describes his experience with the world and his brain… (Anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, feeling like an outsider/in a fishbowl, easily overwhelmed or over tired; social withdrawal, social anxiety, heart palpitations, chest pains, breathlessness, dissociation, irritability, issues with cognitive function; memory, overthinking, insomnia, brain fog, panic attacks, slow recovery from physical activity, etc etc et fucking c)
Turns out bish has been chronically deficient of many things for a very long time due to stomach issues that stopped nutrients from absorbing. Antidepressants have never successfully worked for me, and it’s now looking like that’s because my mental health stuff could've largely been a physical symptom, instead of just purely mental health??
I have been on a pile of supplements for a bit now and uhh… It’s like night and day? Even with the other health stuff I've been getting treated for, it's been... So much better?? Like. Life changing amount of difference?? And I’m only just starting out fixing these deficiencies, which could take a long time. But...
Holy shit, “Better” might actually be a real thing after all?? There was a reason I've been so "stuck"???
Kind of mad… And sad. Because if this is true and I keep feeling like I have been recently, it means I’ve lost a lot of time to this. I try to focus on how good I’ve been feeling though, and stay curious for this journey of what literally feels like a second chance at life.
Just… Wanted to post this in case it could help someone else. This is a highly personal experience, mental health issues absolutely exist on their own too and there's possibly often overlap as well. But stuff like this can make existing mental health conditions worse too, so either way it’s worth checking.
Yeah. So.
Happy new year?
From someone who might be pulling a whole Phoenix moment???? xx
#Apologies for the silence here#Been going through a lot if you can imagine lol#I have a bunch of asks and messages to catch up to#I'm so sorry for taking forever#It might take me a bit longer still but I promise I'll get back on here at some point hopefully soon#Your messages mean so much to me<3#Take care everyone <3#Also#the description of Nathan's experience could and would still be rather accurate#even if you don't have these physical health issues!!#Depression and anxiety etc from a deficiency is still depression and anxiety#+ when I write Nathan I have a set of mental health “maps” or “guides” for his character (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD)#Yes I use my own feelings and experiences to describe his anxiety etc#But his character is built around specific mental health markers / trauma research / symptoms etc (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD)#So I'm pretty sure Nathan's POV would still look very similar based on just that research and ignoring the stuff in this post#Hope this all makes sense :'o
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Hello ! I think for the foreseeable future I'm not really gonna update this blog ! I've been absent for so long here that idk if anyone remembers me LOLS but if you do and you want to continue interacting then I have a new blog set up ! Other than that I hope 2024 is treating everyone well <333
#you can like comment send an ask dm#etc#I'll send you the url#although I go by a different alias there you can use the current one too !#it also won't be tokrev related at all it will be more so a personal one (mainly genshinHAHA) so idk if ppl would be interested#but the offer is there 😭#anyways if not I hope all is well ! make sure to take care of yourselves :3 !#actually wait pls if you want the new url interact other than liking the post because idk what liking means sobs#and I suppose I'll see you on the other side <3#I don't want to delete this blog cause of the stuff I have on here I want to save and I'm worried I'd regret it sobs#too much yapping LOL sorry 😭🙏
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