#so i'm not feeling reasonable or calm or collected rn

[schrodingers-most-anoyingsubject]

he always say good the stuff i can't say, thanks for talking for us

It's getting really fucking hard to have sympathy for Americans.

I do have a few American friends who are deeply upset with what's happening in their own country, and I'm really trying to keep supporting them and bring them comfort.

But it's hard to have any sort of kindness to spare for a country that doomed itself and made sure to bring down the entire world along with it.

The majority of America voted for a man that is very obviously a rotten prick, to the point where he was considered more of a fucking clown than a politician. And he wasn't even trying to hide it!! They just all chose to stay blind and ignore the very fucking big problem displayed right in front of their eyes!!

Because America is cultivating the most disgusting kind of mock of a culture, based on ignorance, denial and stupidity, the whole thing sealed with a good lethal dose of decomplexed colonialism.

If only the impact of their own dumb decisions stopped at their frontier, the rest of the world wouldn't be holding its breath waiting to be fucked over and bent backwards, but of course, America had to make itself the most influent and dominating power by spending years manipulating, repressing, taxing, claiming ressources, and spreading lies in every single other country, while proving itself to be incapable of being trusted with impactful decisions.

And when said countries tried to warn your stupid American asses that it was going to end up badly, for all of us? No one even fucking listened!! You all kept looking at your own feet while running straight into a fucking wall that everyone warned you was there.

All of motherfucking Europe currently has to watch your dumbass country repeat our history that you were supposed to learn about and not repeat, and we all know, you included, that you're going to fall to your own doom. But somehow you also had to make it our problem by being an absolute asshole of a capitalistic machine.

And we're supposed to stay open-minded! To think about the oppressed people in your country and how to set them free without making them abandon their country, like it's our business, like we're not all convinced that your country is an absolute disgrace to mankind and that anyone with common sense would rather throw up than set a foot in there!

So yeah, I'm angry, and this is unfair, but what about the countless nazi parties, terrorists and general troublemakers that your country has financed all over the world to disrupt peace in hope of claiming more territories and control and power? Yeah, this is not fair either. So I think I deserve to throw a tantrum, for once, instead of crying for your helpless scatterbrained idiotic asses in silence.

Everything about the USA is wrong on so many levels that I'll give myself a headache before I can name every single thing I hate about this country.

All I will say is that I'm trying - we're all trying - to be nice, and empathetic, and patient, and understanding. But it isn't easy. It keeps getting harder, in fact, because no matter how indulgent and gentle we are with your mistakes and fuck ups, you somehow seem to always find a way to do worse the next time, and we're starting to lose hope on the fact that you'll one day wake up and stop this madness.

[rie-092]

note: so, i was doing some of the pending requests and i ended up re-reading this manga that i read last month and a prompt suddenly came into my mind and i won't be able to sleep properly tonight if i don't share this rn. yes, i'm always like this. sooooo this is tcf with a mad doctor! reader (i based it from takahashi akira of youkai gakkou no sensei hajimemashita)

tw: blood, unethical experimentation, basically everything (reader) does.

basically you were a doctor in the same company with kim rok soo, choi jung soo and lee soo hyuk.

when kim rok soo first arrived in the company. lee soo hyuk told him about the one rule that every team has everytime they goes to their mission.

don't get hurt so they won't go to the clinic to meet you.

and for the first time, when he met you. you were able to crack rok soo's calm demeanor.

don't blame him. thanks to his ability, he can't forget the first time he met you when he and jung soo got injured in one of their mission. he was too dumb to think that you were innocent. the way you sit on your seat like a calm person and that calming smile on your face that calm his nerves that time. making him forget how serious his injury was.

but his first impression about you didn't last when jung soo, who was looking for the comfort room inside the clinic. only to open a door that leads them your 'lab area' where they saw countless monsters, hell, some are even s-class. who was jailed and practically (despite of not being able to talk at all) beg them to drag them out there.

hell, they even saw some skulls there and dried blood!

the two of them then heard your sweet voice from afar. your cheery voice that was a stark contrast of the hell that they've seen.

“oohhh, rok soo-ssi, jung soo-ssi, you've seen my collections, huh~?”

and jung soo literally screamed at the sight of you. your usual clean lab coat was stain with blood.

he remembered jung soo shakily asking you what's the liquid staining your lab coat. then it took you a minute to answer their simple question. your bright smile still plastered on your face.

"ketchup, i think?"

but there's no way that a ketchup will smell like a damn blood!

then your nurses ganged up on them. those damn nurses who for some reasons have the same smile as you. and even the same eyes with a glint of madness.

okay.what.the.hell?

the last thing rok soo could remember after that. was you, taking a damn huge saw with a crazed smile—

“alright~ it's time for your medical examination <3!"

it was followed by jung soo's screams asking lee soo hyuk (who is not present that time) for help. and you, laughing it off saying that you won't hurt them.

when he woke up, he found himself in your clinic's bed. with the traumatized choi jung soo on the bed next to them. and then, you, who just finished an operation smiling brightly at them. asking how's their feeling, if they feel alright, and many questions. followed by your chuckles saying—

“hmm, looks like that i will be able to use that drug to others now, hehe.”

and during those times they stayed at your clinic to heal their wounds. they started wondering if you are really a doctor or a serial killer.

alright, alright— what kind of doctor will go check on them with blood on their cheeks. or while holding a dismembered hand saying that it was only a display and not a real body but blood was dripping from it and it was still moving?

but, they have to admit. aside from your unhinged personality. there is something about you that makes them at ease.

oh, are you wondering what's your relationship with lee soo hyuk? well, before the apocalypse, the two of you are actually classmates.

and this guy was the one who witnessed your craziness about 'knowledge' and discovering more about human (when the truth is you actually want to see if the human internal organs are really similar to the pictures they put on the books).

and it was indeed scary. but at the same time, lee soo hyuk adores you. though, he knows that you, during the apocalypse— found love and emotions useless. because it will only be a weakness that will burden someone and might become the reason of their death.

but that doesn't mean that he will get rid of this emotions that he has towards you.

and the day that he dread the most had come.

on his way to visit choi jung soo and kim rok soo (who got injured on their last mission) to your hospital. he was petrified at the sight of the ability users panicking as they evacuated your patients— and when he asked what happened.

what he got was countless high grade monsters appeared on the hospital— (which surprised him since he knew that you keep your experiments on the clinic you had inside the company since you did that it was safer there) and the only one who's still inside was you, kim rok soo and choi jung soo.

and kim rok soo, the person who was with you that time. the person who witness your last moments. the person who now couldn't forget about you no matter how time passes by.

he remembered how you kicked choi jung soo out of the window earlier, claiming that a patient would be useless in fighting monsters. and now, you seemed to be pretty out of it. talking to yourself as you and rok soo ran to the fourth floor.

he remembered you saying—

“god of death? what are you? a person with a middle school syndrome?”

and looking outside, he saw countless ability users preparing soft cushions and urging them to jump so that they will be able to set the hospital on fire and get rid of the monsters—

and maybe because of that— you suddenly pushed him out of the window. saying something about slicing someone's stomach open and observing what's inside it if they weren't a real god.

when you saw that both kim rok soo and choi jung soo was safe. you turned your back from the crowds, smirking as you realized you were surrounded by monsters. man, this situation excites you so much.

and taking out the remote from your pockets that will defuse the home made bombs that you made and put around the hospital back when you are so bored. you started thinking on how does it feel like dying because of a bomb before you pressed the button.

you expected that you will be stuck in nothingness after that event. but when you opened your eyes, you were welcomed by the sight of a beautiful woman with a fiery red hair and reddish brown eyes, smiling softly at you.

“looks like you were awake, my little ( name ).”

while up in the heavenly realm. there is a certain someone who made sure to wipe up your memories. so that you will forget the deal about agreeing to examine him once the two of you meet one day.

yeah, he might be a god but you scares him more than anything else so hard pass <3!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for going no-contact with my ex a couple months after we broke up?

i (22nb) dated my girlfriend (26f) for nearly three years. we were long-distance, and i had intended on visiting her post-covid (we started dating in fall 2020). the relationship was great at first, messaging each other every day and being lovey-dovey. in december 2022, things began to fall apart. she told me that i would never be able to visit her or she would be able to see me due to her homophobic parents. i told her that really hurt because that was a huge part of starting the relationship, and i wasn't sure if i could be completely ldr. we didn't talk for a week or so after that.

while we weren't talking, things began to bubble up. i realized how she was using me almost exclusively as an erp partner/person to write her self-insert fanfics and used me as a bank when she wanted to spend money on nsfw art commissions instead of her phone bill (i had to really be on her about paying back $100+ before all this), and how the relationship was starting to fade compared to when we first started dating. i brushed this aside due to my own neurodivergency (bpd, among others) and the fear of abandonment.

fast forward to summer 2023. I'm on vacation visiting my uncles and having fun as it's my first time flying alone. i told my gf before this that i was going to be on vacation and busy during that time. during my time away, she messaged me asking to continue an rp we had done before the trip, saying "it only needs two more replies". i told her matter-of-factly that i was on vacation and didn't have the time. she accused me of being harsh and told me, "i could've just said no". i talked to my uncles about this, as it was upsetting me. they advised me that "a person can be in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime," being that not everyone will be in your life forever. i took this in and decided it was time to break up with her.

we didn't talk for a few weeks after my trip until i decided to break up with her. while telling her i didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, she asked "will we still rp and write fics together?" it was clear where her priorities lay. i said yes, and that we could continue to be friends, just not dating. this was in july 2023.

now, up to september 2023. i wrote 100ish-word drabbles for kinktober instead of longer fics so i could balance it with my college course load. i shared the link to the beginning of the collection with my ex. she suggested i write 500 words for each day instead of 100. i asked why, and she said (her exact words)

"how are you gonna write a threesome in 100 words though? this convo we're having is at 65 words rn, that's over half your wordcount"

this upset me, and i had the urge to cut her all off and act self-destructively. i decided to instead calm down and not talk for a few days as i mentally sorted it out. a few days later, i civilly responded to her, saying

"what you said about not being able to fit a fic like that into 100 words really hurt ... all I have time for between responsibilities is 100ish words, and I chose to do that rather than abandoning kinktober ... if you’re that dissatisfied with my writing, you can find someone else to write your self insert fics"

she responds while i'm on voice chat with two different friends. she says,

"i'm not dissatisfied with your writing. i did not mean what i said that way. there's no need to be spiteful."

the spiteful comment completely threw me off, and i sent the screencap to said friends i was on vc with. my instinct was to respond civilly again, trying to patch things up. my friends acted like kronk's devil and angel on my shoulder ("no, no, he's got a point"), and i ended up blocking her on every platform instead of responding at all. i feel relieved that she's out of my life.

a month later, i checked my tumblr inbox for an ask from a friend. the second message in the inbox is clearly from her, but from a side account she denied having when i brought it up to her a year or so ago (the blog sent me a meme that she had shared on her main account so i wondered if it was her). it read (paraphrased),

"it's obvious you were never gonna work on that fic or rp again! you always had an excuse to push it off. i didn't matter when i was no longer your gf. you were a suffocating datemate, and i couldn't be gone for more than 10 min, but it was ok for you to not respond for hours!"

little note: i was a full-time college student working two jobs at the time. i had very little time to socialize on platforms like discord, and i took every opportunity i took. on the other hand, my ex was unemployed aside from occasional freelance writing, was not in education, and lived at her parent's house.

i deleted the message as she didn't deserve a response, nor did i want to make it public, but how our relationship ended still weighs on me. aita?

What are these acronyms?

[rat-rosemary]

The following message is for hate anon:

HEY HATE ANON

We are debunking misinformation as if you do want to hate a guy, you can hate a guy for no reason or an actual reason. No one, not even the worst guy you know, show be hated on something they never did.

A lot of the rumours, including misogyny(there’s zero proof??) and manipulation(people misunderstand his genuine intentions and autistic actions) are false.

You are the one that is manipulated to hate him, or you just disregard or twist the truth to justify your hated for him. You’re an idiot that chose to be one.

Thank you

Like, I genuinely don't want to pick fights with anyone rn, because that would make it so people are nervous or afraid to ask questions because I've been aggressive to other people like them, but like. Augh. I am not calm and collected rn

No one is impervious to manipulation, (specially not the """manipulation""" happening right now), because manipulation is just communication. When I talk to someone I'm "manipulating" them into understanding something by explaining my view

And no one is a idiot for falling for misinformation or for smear campaigns, because they're often made specifically to make you afraid and feel like you need to act now without thinking about it. That's why the term pedophile is thrown around so much, because you don't want to side with someone who is a pedophile right?

That's what they used against black people, and against Jewish people, and immigrants, and queer people and every minority ever. You do not want to hurt children and pedophile carries on top if that a heavy social connotation, so it's a good (well. bad, but good for facists) way to get people to agree with your point even when they wouldn't normally. That's why the original smear campaign created by Kiwi Farms immediately jumped on that.

But at some point you gotta start turning back. And undoing all that harm is way harder then learning the truth now, so please for the love of God, ask me what is going on now so we don't get hurt later. I am trying to help, I swear I am.

[vacate-et-scire]

Hello!! I'm pretty new to tumblr so i'm not sure if i am doing this correctly but i've been seeing your match up event going around and i enjoy them so much and i would love to be part of it!!! I apologize if i did anything incorrectly

Details about myself -

pronouns: any/all (i am genderfluid)

sexuality: pansexual

zodiac stuff: Taurus sun, Scorpio moon, aries rising (i'm not really sure about the rest)

mbti: Injf

enneagram: 9w1

physical appearance: 5'2 medium length hair (normally a dark brown but i usually diy it rn it's a dark blue) heart face shape, almond eyes, tan skin, normally my style is pretty casual i don’t really have a set style since it really all depends on my mood.

More about my personality or just how i am:

I am a pretty shy person and tend to keep a lot to myself however i am very opinionated and when i get in the moment can be quite passionate when speaking about things i care about. I also have a pretty competitive side that i don’t normally show since as my friends like to say i am “nonchalant” but trust when it’s time i really show up, i kind of like being alone or in small crowds but i love concerts thats like the one environment i can be in that’s crowded, im a bit lazy ill admit and prefer a more calm setting. I have a pretty bad avoidance attachment style especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I’m a very independent person and tend to do most things by myself, I can be quite clueless and easily distracted, i prefer listening to people rather than talking, i would say i’m a very caring person almost too caring, i can be either very clingy or extremely distant it really depends on my mood, Normally an anxious person and quite paranoid, easily embarrassed but that only because i hate drawing attention to myself at least, personally i think im the funniest person ever but that might only be me, i tend to be sarcastic sometimes especially when i have a mood, I’d also say im the type of person that tries their best to understand the people around them.

likes:

Music obviously (i listen to really anything but Nct, The army The navy, and natalia lafourcade to name a few), Video games especially the story based ones (ESPECIALLY THE ONES WITH PATHS LIKE DETROIT BECOME HUMAN),romance anime’s (fruits basket is my favorite), Animals I LOVE ANIMALS, hanging out with my best friend (she’s like one of the only people who understands me so she gets a pass fr), littlest pet shops i love collecting them so much, cooking (the satisfaction of eating it after is so worth it), sleeping, people who actually want to get to know me (always shocking), the beach YES AND HIKING.

dislikes: TEXTING (only because i can never pick up the persons tone and im so bad at it and i overthink), also calling … unless its with someone who i like, liars (like just be honest bro), judgmental or people who are rude for absolutely no reason, loud sounds, being misunderstood (like i feel like 2020 oikawa), PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE (like if they are telling a story or in an argument and just don’t want to hear their side)

love language: Acts of service and quality time maybe even words of affirmation?

my type: Some who is able to understand who i am and wants to understand who i am, someone who will be patient with me and listen to what i have to say or how i feel, Someone who will stay with me in my worst and best moments, a person who will celebrate my achievements with me and supports me, A loyal person who is able to reassure me, Some one who doesn’t mind space and having a life of their own (yes i would love being together with my partner but we are our own people and it’s always great to keep that passion in what we love separately alive), Some one who can own up to their mistakes and take accountability, Understands boundaries, Able to show affection normally i prefer it in private but as long as they don’t do too much in public it’s alright, Some one who will help me as much as i will help them i prefer the relationship to be equal (of course i wouldn’t argue if they wanted to do more just know i will also do more), likes the person i am, someone funny also because i need to laugh, i tend to swallow alot and keep things to myself so someone who is able to check up on me and notice the small things. That’s all i can really think of rn.

Well i think that should be all i hope i did it correctly and it wasn’t too long. (im pretty sure the event should still be open but if it isn’t don’t worry about it!!)

Your Blue Lock Matchup: Yoichi Isagi

Isagi is the perfect balance for someone like you. He’s kind, understanding, and deeply loyal—the kind of partner who would take the time to truly know you inside and out. His grounded yet ambitious nature makes him the perfect fit for your complex and multifaceted personality. He’s patient, but he’s also driven, which means he’d be your biggest cheerleader when you need it most.

Your shy yet opinionated nature pairs well with Isagi’s easygoing personality. He’s naturally empathetic and would respect your independence while also being attuned to the moments when you need extra reassurance. Isagi is someone who thrives on connection and would make you feel safe enough to open up, even with your avoidant tendencies.

He’d be endlessly curious about the things that make you you. Whether it’s your competitive streak that comes out of nowhere, your love for music, or your collection of Littlest Pet Shops, Isagi would adore the quirks that make you unique. He’d even humor your sarcasm and match it with his playful side, keeping your dynamic lighthearted but meaningful.

Isagi is a listener at heart, and he’d cherish the quiet moments when you let him into your thoughts. He’d never rush you to talk but would always be ready to hear you out when you’re ready to share. He’d also have a knack for picking up on the little things—whether you’re feeling distant or clingy, he’d adapt and make sure you feel supported without overwhelming you.

Your shared love for quality time and acts of service would create a natural harmony in your relationship. Isagi’s not the flashiest with grand romantic gestures, but his steady and consistent effort would make you feel cherished every single day. He’d be the type to make you tea when you’re stressed, walk with you on the beach just to clear your head, or cook with you just to enjoy the satisfaction of eating together.

The biggest hurdle might be Isagi’s occasional tendency to get overly focused on his goals. While he’s not selfish, his determination can sometimes make him a little unaware of others’ feelings in the moment. However, with your open-mindedness and his willingness to listen and improve, any misunderstandings would be short-lived. He’d value your input and actively work to meet your needs, proving time and again that he’s in it for the long haul.

Isagi’s patience and loyalty would be a balm for your anxious tendencies. He’s the kind of partner who would celebrate your achievements as if they were his own, always making sure you feel seen and appreciated. His kindness and humor would draw you out of your shell, while his steady presence would help ground you during your more emotional moments.

With Isagi, you’d have a partner who loves you not just for who you are but for the person you’re becoming. He’d support your growth, give you the space you need, and show you every day that he’s just as invested in the relationship as you are.

Isagi wouldn’t just love you—he’d understand you. And that’s exactly what you need.

[alaskashigh]

character ask game: 5, 15, 20 for new york, California, new jersey and connecticut

My favorites let's go! (sorry this is late, I needed to wait a bit to collect my thoughts)

New York

5: The other side of paradise, Fuck Tha Police, Tongues and Teeth (I relate this to California as well, Yorkcali n all), really any rap song

15: (Same as California ones), New York x New Jersey, sometimes my ship NY/CA/IL/NJ/CT (it depends on the mood)

20: California because since California doesn't get to ramble or rant about his opinions much, New York is perfect for just listening and sometimes adding in his own two cents here and there. He loves not having to talk and getting to just listen to whatever California's brain decides to talk about next. Also Illinois because I feel like they would have a friend rivalry type thing and I can see the two hanging out at like a sports game. ((New Jersey for the same reason as Illinois)) Oh and Nevada because I think Nevada would really push New York out of his comfort zone (in a good way.) New York would be absolutely fed up with him at times because of how dramatic and sarcastic he is lmao.

California

5: California Love (it’s un-ironically one of my favorite songs rn)

15: New York x California and New York x California x New Jersey are my favorite ships for him

20: Florida, New York, Nevada, Washington and Oregon. Florida and New York because they bounce off of his personality nicely. Florida is chaotic and always ready to drag California out of the house, no matter how much he may complain about it. ((California secretly enjoys it and it helps him get out of depressive episodes.)) New York is standoffish and quiet which makes him the best for listening to California’s ramblings, putting in his own input every so often. Nevada because they would be very bitchy but would hype each other up in dramatic/sarcastic ways. (Definitely would help each other with makeup and outfit choices) And Washington and Oregon would be very sarcastic about everything but would enjoy hanging out with him. (they wouldn’t admit that to anyone, though) ALSO I'm dragging in my cryptid headcanons real quick and saying Tahoe Tessie.

New Jersey

5. I don't really have one for him, yet. (someone give me song recs pls, /nf)

15. (same as California and New York), New Jersey x Rhode Island, sometimes Nevada x New Jersey

20. Rhode Island because I see them as like puzzle pieces. One is always not too far from the other. They stick up for each other and listen to each others dumb ramblings on what happened that day, (or in the past). Rhode Island's always there to help calm New Jersey down during panic attacks and bad days, and vice versa. (Nevada for the same reason as New York). Not The Jersey Devil because I can see him having more of a protective "child and parent" kinda bond with it. (NJ being the child, Jersey Devil being the parent.)

Connecticut

5. same as New Jersey, though the Pirates of the Caribbean is something I always link to him lmfao

15. I actually haven't settled with a ship that I like for him. I've considered Colorado and even Arkansas being in a relationship with him, but I don't know. I enjoy Florida x Connecticut though, strictly because of Storytellers_And_States' fics

20. Rhode Island because I can see them being drinking buddies and hanging out every once in awhile. Maybe Florida because I can see them bonding over pirates and chaos. (I need to think more about his friendships-)

[blueredg52]

I DESPERATELY NEED DATING ADVICE OR ANY WORDS OF WISDOM BECAUSE I'M GOING CRAZY RN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

My situation [FxF]:

Last night, I went clubbing with my roommate and her friends and had an amazing night (as we always do after going to our local gay club). Before heading home, we stopped by our popular local pizza shop on our college campus to get some food to sober up a little. I didn't get any food, but my friends did so I waited with them.

While waiting, 3 girls were talking about what to get because one girl, who I will name Red Shirt, was debating whether to get a slice of pizza or cheese fries. This pizza shop is known for having horrible pizza unless drunk. For some reason, I went up to them and told them that I don't get their pizza ever, but I get their cheese fries because the sauce is good and it's one of the cheaper items on the menu. Plz know I'm an extreme introvert and won't willing go up to talk to people, but I was also a little tipsy and a little more social. After hearing what I had to say, the 2 other girls besides Red Shirt agreed and then I went back to my friends.

A few minutes later, Red Shirt comes up to me and tells me one her friends (I'll refer to her as P) thinks I'm cute and asks me if I'm single. I say yes because I'm very very very very single. Then, Red Shirt gets my snapchat for P. I also told Red Shirt to let P know that I thought she was also cute. I tried my best to keep myself calm and collected BECAUSE THIS HAS LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.

Next, my friends and I are talking about Chappell Roan because we got our fav DJ to play Chappell in the club. The 3 girls then come up to us and we start talking about Chappell. For context, I didn't directly talk to P or make direct eye contact BECAUSE PRETTY GIRLS INTIMIDATE ME AND I SHUT DOWN. WE DIDN'T EVEN EXCHANGE NAMES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

When my friends got their food we headed home and said "Have a good night!" to these girls as we were leaving. Before falling asleep (around 3:30 am), I dm her saying hi and introducing my name because we didn't exchange names. Throughout the whole day I was very giddy and I kept checking my snapchat to see if she responded.

SHE HASN'T READ OR OPENED MY MESSAGE

Around 12pm today, I told myself that she probs is still asleep or busy because she probs went to sleep late. Then around 7pm, I started to get sad, but I told myself that it's final exam week and she has other things to attend to. But she still hasn't responded at 8pm and I did cry.

Any way, I threw out my pride and ego and sent her a snap directly telling her I thought she was cute around 9:30pm. I also apologized if I seemed awskward or disinterested in her because I was in shock and an introvert. After I sent the snap, I turned off my snapchat notifications because I'm scared of rejection and heartbreak.

THIS IS ME SHOOTING MY LAST SHOT AND IF SHE DOESN'T RESPOND, THEN I'LL KNOW SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY INTERSTED.

I'm actually really sad because it was hot that she pulled me last night and she is definitely my type physically. My roommate found her insta and knew people who followed her. She then got some info about her from people she knew and while I only got vague info about her, nothing bad was said. I told my roommate that she still hasn't responded around 4pm and she could tell I was sad about it and so we watched Killing Eve for a few hours to make me feel better.

Be honest, is this what dying feels like??!!?!?

FEEL FREE TO LET ME KNOW IF I'M ACTUALLY CRAZY, I SHOULDN'T EXPECT A QUICK RESPONSE, OR IF I FUMBLED IT.

I'm also the type of person who responds to messages asap, so maybe I shouldn't expect other people to do the same thing. I don't even know P so maybe I'm making this a bigger deal than it actually is. For context, I just want yall to know that I'm not good with dating and I've never been in a situationship or a relationship ever and maybe I'm just naive.

If you're interested, I'll give an update sometime tomorrow and if she still hasn't responded, I'm going to cry in my room after I take a final exam.

[youremyheaven]

HEYYYY [insert whatever pet name u like] it's ur venus stellium anon from last month.. do u remember me? sorry life happened 🤩 n i've been pretty low energy so i didn't get around to bothering u. I've been looking at yt vids of some of my chart placements lately and i've discovered something funny (along with other developments like me. I've been looking at ur blog the past one or two days a little and I obvs haven't made my way through the whole "backlog" but some silly thoughts:

I didn't know u were bi! For some reason I felt a little awkward talking about this because I didn't want to be That Person lol (aka everyone was talking about guys and I didn't wanna weird anyone out 😔) but my exes were women 😂 supposedly I gave them daddy energy lmfao I hate it because I wanted that from someone. I talked about them a bit vaguely but it might've sounded worse under the assumption of it being a man. (Unless I didn't say much and just forgot)

I've been reading celebrity gossip and only now realised how people - even the most successful - can have it so truly bad when it comes to romance and idk it made me a little apathetic and allergic to it. Not in a "im swearing off of it" way but in a "im no longer going to expect it in my life. If I get surprised, yay for me. Otherwise eh." (my mind's at a weird place though so it'll probably change when other things calm down, don't worry about me 🫶 this is all about the hypothetical future anyway because I'm not looking for a relationship rn)

Sorry u got hate about ur blog. I can understand anon got upset but the unkind language was uncalled for.

I came across the ask about nodes conjuncting big 3 and one of mine does; i can assure u (and the hate anon) that yes, this particular example (me) DOES happen to be cray cray 😭

This is related to the yt vids and point 2: My charts basically say I'll have an okay enough career, but the romance department would be dodgy because I will never be satisfied by anything anyone does for me (to put it shortly) 😂😂 that had me a little shocked at first but then I was like u know what we kinda knew this.. let's just focus on that career instead LMFAO

HARD AGREE WITH U ON THE FLIRTING IN NON-ENGLISH. I gotta be honest I cringe if I hear flirting in anything other than English (I've only ever been exposed to it in that language) but I read a fic (english) once where this man called his lover "meri jaan" and it had me in a DAZE FOR DAYS (excuse the lame pun pls) SO YES I AGREE W U. I've been collecting other little terms (just 1 so far) that I've seen people around me using affectionately and they're sooo sweet.

I HOPE U'VE BEEN WELLLLLL. I'm away from tumblr lately so I probably won't be able to send u asks in the near future but I hope u stay safe and take care of urself 💖💖 BYEEEEE

HEYYY bbg 🥺

I thought this was going to be astrology related but you're just checking in on me 😭😭😭😭and I feel so touched 🥺🥺🥺

1. About being bisexual

I feel like there are definitely different dynamics at play bc I do attract more butch leaning women who want to be my daddy 🫣🙈 but whenever it's a femme x femme dynamic, I always feel like I become the more dominant one and I do kinda hate it 😭😭

It just wears me out to be the giver tbh 🙃 especially because I already assume that role in so many other areas in my life, I just want to sit back and be babygirled 😭😭 this is why despite being attracted to women , relationships with women don't really work out for me 😭😭

it's all a matter of luck when it comes to love and relationships and sometimes things find us unexpectedly.

what I've learnt from some of my recent experiences is that someone can do all the right things, give you princess treatment and all that yet not make you feel anything 😭 so to be physically attracted to someone, emotionally in- sync with them, AND have a healthy relationship,, it's all down to luck 😭

2. not u calling yourself cray cray 😭😭

majority of people in this world are not living happy lives, be it with regard to love, career or family. To even have one of these things going well is a huge blessing ✨and while it's possible to have all of them, it's okay to not beat yourself up for achieving all 3 in one go.

One of my dad's childhood friends, remained unmarried into her late 40s. This is veryyyy unusual in India and she's not from a bougie artsy family where such things are chill or anything either. She, however, had a brilliant career and is a civil servant and rn she's in a veryyy high ranking position because she's worked her way up. Everybody around her pitied her (for being single and childless) but she was just out there making $$$ by the time she hit her late 40s people stopped pestering her because by that point, it's kinda "too late" to settle down. BUT GUESS WHAT HAPPENED??? she met a reallyyyyy cute Swiss-German man who was visiting our state/city and she happened to be the one showing him around?? (someone linked them up basically) and that wonderful meet-cute led them to marriage in like 2 months lol ,,, this lady who had been single for 47+ years found the right guy and married him in less than 2 months???? Isn't that sooooo romantic??? It's all about timing 💛💛 and now they've been together for a decade and spend most of their year travelling the world ✨and are very much in love

So different eras of our life will have us focusing on different things. Rn it's probably best to make that $$$ and focus on yourself. Love will find you when it needs to 💛✨💛

3. About flirting in non-English

JAJAJSJ yess I used to cringe 😬 hearing Desi flirting across languages 😭but now I feel like I've finally decolonised my mind to find it cute 😭

My ex was Tamil and he used to call me "bomma" which means "doll" in Tamil ,, I had a flop talking stage with another Tamil guy who used to call me "Kitty kutty" ("little kitty") and idk if it's a Tamil guy thing but they go hardddd with their affection through terms of endearment

Flirting in Hindi is always fun bc it's all "aapka this, aapka that" (using honorifics) and respect turns me on i guess lmao 🤭🥵 Idk if this is just a Desi thing but yk how men start calling you madam and ma'am 😌yeah I live for that shit 🤭🤭 they'll be like "madam is still getting ready" and I'll be like 😍yes the hell I am 😍😜

4. Thank you so much for checking in with me angel 🥺🥺 I appreciate it and you soooo much 💛💛💛 you're the sweetest

I'll take care of myself 😜 😌and I hope you do as well!!! 💛💛 May the rest of July be wonderful for you ✨

[oldestmakkapakkafan]

OK TOUCHSTARVED DEMO REVIEW!! I JUST FOUND OUT THIS EXISTED YESTERDAY AND STARTED PLAYING

So I was scrolling through tiktok and got THE video of the trailer, immediately started playing which is surprising from me because I normally only procrastinate for everything, even for things I like. But yesterday was a good day it seems.

I started the game and after the short intro selected "the unnamed" backstory I think it's called?? I don't really remember but it was the one where you ran away from your cult village or whatever. For two reasons.

A. I didn't want to have exclusively witty one liners as my dialogue. (The criminal backstory)

B. I'm already playing the arcana (the mage backstory)

Of course I'll play the demo with each one of them later but rn I'm doing various play throughs with variations of what I feel like my own choices would be.

Now for how I like it overall, IT'S SO GOOOOODD!!! I loved everyone just from the trailer alone, everyone except vere, I just really hate his archetype. Let's say me and red haired otome guys have a long time beef, ancestral beef if you will (I'm looking at you castiel...). I just don't like the playboy who is also really mean for no reason and only flirts by making a fool out of you. Anyways, enough about someone I don't really like.

First KURAS, he's soooo my type 🤭 long hair, dark skin, calm and collected! Soo cute, I like his dialogue and interactions in the demo, I haven't unlocked his red option so I feel like he was a little too distant for my liking but I know that'll probably change with the full game (I assume he has one, I mean I got ais' and leander's without even trying).

Now Ais, tbh I tried to stay loyal to kuras but Ais is so hot, cool and kinda flirty... I WAS GIGGLING SO LOUD AND PUNCHING MY PILLOWS, I'm not always for bad boys bc it isn't really done right most of the time (in my opinion) but Ais is really something else.

And lastly Leander, he's hot and sweet, I don't really have much to say about him, I can tell he's the easiest route, at least for me. He's the type of character I can get the good ending of with my eyes closed. I mean we might as well be kissing him by the end of the demo. I still like him tho. I'm just more normal about him than I am about Kuras and Ais. And I can already see him being a fan favorite, so I better like him because all those fanarts are about to infest my feed.

As for mhin and vere. They're not really that interesting to me, I'd say my top would be like this

Kuras and Ais (yes, I just decided I like them both the same)

Leander

Mhin

Vere

Ok now the fan girling is over. Time for SERIOUS BUSINESS!

Art Quality? 9.5/10 soo pretty, the street and city sheets could use a bit more work though. It's kind of underwhelming at the beginning when you see the city and it doesn't really stand out. But maybe it's just me.

Dialogue quality? 9/10 it doesn't feel repetitive, it's immersive and even when there's some corny lines here and there, I'd say it's vere's fault for being a devious bad boy archetype. Because that dialogue is only present with him 🧍‍♀️

And that's it. Even with the wall of text I just wrote I've only played once three routes with the cult(?) Backstory. I will probably write more text walls as I get deeper into the fandom and game.

[abyssin]

mlb verse headcanon time! WE NEED TO GO DEEPER. what is childe's kwami's name? what concept does it preside over? what power does it give him? what is his relationship with his kwami like and why does it encourage him to be Like That™? how did he get his miraculous? what are his motives and/or goals for using it? what was he doing before he got his miraculous and how did becoming a holder change him? how does him being a miraculous holder affect his relationship with his family?

everything i am about to say is all come up with on the spot so it is subject to change! BUT HELLO HERE WE GO MIRACULOUS VERSE CHILDE THOUGHTS:

i. ㅤok so we already have a name for the whale thanks to the genshin leaks but just because i feel like it phonetically sounds close to the kwami names, i wanna name his kwami flood! he's a very calm and collected little guy who greatly contrasts childe in personality, but their goals for chaos to qualm boredom is the same! they're two peas in a pod as much as flood will try to criticize him for being reckless /: and yes he looks like an itty bitty narwhal, with the teeny horn and all!

ii.ㅤ i'd like to place flood as the kwami of disorder. it's rather close to plagg, but basically i think of it as a concept that breeds conflict, opposition, confusion. it thrives off the conflict between hawk moth and the ladybug-chat noir duo and Would like things to continue the way they are. perhaps he and childe have even helped one side or the other in order to keep things interesting? they're so annoying fr fr. ㅤㅤㅤbonus: ㅤflood takes the shape of a singular earring on his left ear, much alike to the one he has in canon. it glows a pretty blue shade much like ajax's own eyes when flood is communicating

iii. ㅤif not already hinted by the above answers, tartaglia (ajax's transformation) and flood are ironically neutral parties to miraculous conflict conceptually, but in action they both enable the conflict for their own amusement. of course, the last thing he wants is paris destroyed while he's here (i'm going to assume he's a transfer student in college rn but, we'll see!), but with flood as his companion, they can do absolutely anything together (❁´◡`❁) ㅤtoday, he's an ally to ladybug. tomorrow?ㅤ who knows...

iv. ㅤi haven't quite figured out how he found his miraculous... it isn't unusual for him to be finding different objects to send back home as gifts for his family, so i imagine it was something he picked up by accident and he awakened flood. i will have to get back on this for specifics on How it was found though...

v. ㅤi do like the thought that he's studying business management here, or if i do peg his age to the one i have in canon, he could be working as a toymaker? the reason i wanted to place him in college was to make interaction with the miraculous kids more likely and much easier to bump into HAJDAHD

the thing about how meeting flood is something i'm going to leave up in the air. i do want it to parallel to canon that perhaps flood corrupted childe too, and childe was a willing host? i also like the thought of tartaglia being able to consume the akuma butterflies 🤔 many thoughts!

anyways tartaglia here to be a nuisance. je suis fuck off dude!

[bstroobery]

This is 🧡🐍 talking here. I'm stupid and bored so I'm answering all of this shit in case anyone is curious. I am the type to just fucking answer this shit before and then copy and paste answers later. So, because I'm bored rn:

🍎 - M&Ms and Trolli gummy worms. Eat that shit up like nobody's business. Snickers and Caramelos are also on that list. Our parents eat those so fucking quickly. We literally have to ask if we can have some before anyone can eat it

🍐 - I draw, meditate, or ramble to 🍓 or 💅 (my absolutely amazing BF who I don't deserve. I have no idea how I got the le love and affection of this absolute angel I swear) until I'm calm again. Either that or 🍓 will drop me off with 💅 if they can't handle my ramblings

🍊 - Language in regards to system hood and such is usually just... plural pronouns when referring to the entire system collectively and singular pronouns when referring for a singular alter. Like... "we're 21" when referring to the body's age and then "I'm 21" when referring to the age of myself.

🍌 - Just... any misinformation anyone of us believes before we find the real information and just feel absolutely so fucking stupid about it. That and when people take conspiracy theories seriously. They make great concepts for stories and shit, but please shut up. We are not living in a dystopian novel. The government does things you can actually be mad about without coming up with crazy stuff.

🍉 - Y'all we have so many! We all love stories and geeky stuff. Everyone here loves to play video games and we all collectively watch movies together. The front is usually so packed during movie nights. Everyone also shares an interest in 🍓's original works and coming up with fun stories together. And role-playing. DND is so fun here.

🍋 - Everyone here despises Fortnite, Cocomelon, and content farms with a seething passion. We only tolerate Fortnite because our brother loves it, but you would never catch us dead playing it. We also collectively dislike silence. We need at least something to listen to. Even if it's just an air conditioner.

🍇 - Yes. Huge sweet tooth. Our worst offenders are: 🍓, 🔦, 💻, 💚❤️💛💙, and 🍐. It absolutely sucks that we are a diabetic system...

🍓 - We have quite a bit. Outwardly calling 🍓 a bitch, "I was possessed," "maybe we're all just demons possessing the same body," "if 💀 and 💻 don't stop fighting I will lock them in an igloo again and force them to do a snowtrapped sequel," 📺 being overly gay and dramatic, and we all are aware of a new joke threat to our brother to reanimate Snowtrapped from SMG4 in detail

🫐 - y'all we have so many people with "unnatural" hair color in inner world, but it's their natural hair color. Reasoning is because anyone with unnatural hair is very much not a human alter

🍈 - every syskid in this system absolutely love to hear stories from the older alters or play games with them. But their all-time favorite thing is when we need to do a lesson plan for school and they absolutely love being our guinea pigs and going to school

🍒 - The Handsome Jack AI in Tales from the Borderlands is what he use a lot. He's just such an alter to Rhys, even if he can only control the guy's arm. That and the gaming metaphor.

🍑 - Nothing too bad so far. Worst being when we had to go through a very embarrassing situation and 🍓 switched out because they didn't want to deal with it. Not explaining what it was because it happened in a school we were working at.

🥭 - Surprisingly we kind of have this? We have three alters, Beeg, Eggdog, and Sebastian, who are basically the class pets of our system. Outside the system as have our pet cat Mahina who is basically our class pet.

🍍 - Pizza. Hands down, we are very split on pizza in this system. We have some alters who adore the stuff and some alters who despise the stuff. Also, 💀 being the voice of reason lately when it comes to managing our diabetes and celiac is hilarious. He is so tired of everyone's shit. He is such a big brother.

🥝 - I'll do this for multiple alters because I love all my headmates, but I'll choose only 10 to keep this short:

🍓: I love your creativity and drive. You come up with the absolutely best stories I have ever heard/read and I am proud to be your best friend.

💻: You are the funniest person I have ever met and I love you sm platonically

💀: Your ass/j But in all seriousness, you are so cool man. Thank you for keeping us shitheads in line and looking out for the body's health you beautiful man you. Seriously dude. You look phenomenal and it's sad no one can draw realistically how you look in headspace. My god. Your source is called the Rizzler for a reason man. (I mean all of this platonically. The peeps in this system get that because they know me and that I platonically flirt with everyone except 💅 but I know ppl outside this system don't know that)

🔦: You are such an ass /aff

🍞: Hot British man, please understand that I appreciate everything you do for our hosts and keeping ppl in headspace in line when we act crazy during serious situations

📖: Bestie's husband/wife, I adore you and how happy you make 🍓 like holy shit.

💅: My Angel and the one who owns my heart no matter what. I get I'm basically in a QPR with everyone else in this system but you have no idea how much I love you my glorious boyfriend. I seriously don't know what I did to get your affection. You are the Jessica Rabbit to my Roger Rabbit and I am so thankful to have you in my life. Thank you for dealing with my bullshit and still wanting to be with me at the end of the day

📺: Bro stop being so fucking dramatic you gayass /pos /aff

⛈️: You are not a burden. You are awesome. Love what you do. You are an agent of chaos and that is absolutely fantastic.

🍄: Stupid spaghetti man needs to stop trying to move the furniture in headspace before I do something illegal. Also, love your humor man. Please stop trying to kill me with your jokes. They're too funny.

🥥 - Venture. He's fine going by his name here. He was literally so fucking mysterious when he first arrived. No one knew what to think of him. He eventually caved and began opening up to us, but it took quite a bit of time before he began to actually open up and not lie out of his ass. Love ya V!

🍅 - Not gonna go in depth with these, might if people are curious, but "you can love the art and hate the artist, find ways to enjoy the art without supporting them" and "live and let live (unless someone is actually hurt, then you can get involved)".

Uh... that's it! Hope people learned some interesting things about us! Bye!

Fruit themed Ask Game!

geared towards DID/OSDD systems that wanna babble about themselves <3

🍎- what’s the one food that’s always instantly gone in your house?

🍐- what’s something you do to calm you down?

🍊- what sort of language do you use when referring to yourself/your system? What’s your reasoning?

🍌- What is a piece of misinformation always grinds your gears?

🍉- what are your collective interests?

🍋- what are your collective disinterests? The dumber the better

🍇- do you have a big sweet tooth? Who’s the worst of the bunch?

🍓- share any inside jokes you have together!!

🫐- does anybody have an unnatural hair color in the innerworld? Any particular reasoning?

🍈- if you have any syskids in your system, what’s your favorite thing to do with them/their favorite thing to do?

🍒- do you have a favorite metaphor for systemhood? You don’t need to justify it, it can be silly <3

🍑- what’s an awkward thing/situation you’ve switch in to?

🥭- you can spawn one animal in your innerworld as a class pet, what would it be?

🍍- what’s one thing an alter/part loves, that another one hates?

🥝- think of an alter/part, what’s something you love about them?

🥥- which alter/part was the toughest nut to crack?

🍅- ..what’s your controversial opinion?

[mackenzielovee]

letters to you: eight - rafe cameron

summary: one word can't describe the immensity of feelings had with you

warnings: swearing, mentions of anxiety/insecurity

wc: 5k

a/n: hi <3 i'm slightly drunk rn but let me know your thoughts and i hope you enjoy, i love this part for so many reasons and again im sorry for the little cliffhanger. xoxo !

series masterlist

You’re seated on the couch, back in your pajamas, with a full wine glass sitting in front of you when you hear Rafe come in. He closes the door so softly, you wonder if it’s just your mind deceiving you because you’re so desperate for him to return. You’d replayed the scene in your head on a loop since he left, unable to figure out what it means or where it came from.

You take a deep breath when you see him appear in the living room out of the corner of your eye. Taking a page out of his book, you slowly drag your eyes up to look at him. Somehow, he looks like he’s aged ten years since he’s been gone. His eyes are sad, his shoulders drooped, and you can smell how many cigarettes he must have smoked while he was gone. In his right hand, he grasps a bouquet of flowers, but makes no effort to hand them over.

“I messed up before I left, didn’t I?” he asks quietly.

You’re honest when you say, “I don’t know.”

“Y/N, I–”

“Do you think we rushed this a little bit?” you blurt, unable to stop the thought from escaping you.

“What?” his voice is barely audible now.

“I’m just asking if you think we rushed this.”

You shy down on the couch, unable to get away from his intense stare.

“No,” he says, “I like how things are with us.”

“But I upset you,” you finally say, “You were frustrated with me when you left. I don’t know what to do with that.”

“I wasn’t–” Rafe stops himself, running his free hand across his face, “It wasn’t you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just have some shit I’m still working through, and the circumstances kind of brought it out. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. I’m sorry, honey.”

You stand up, letting your blanket fall. Just as he always does, Rafe’s not shy about taking you all in. His eyes are careful, as if memorizing every curve, every scar, every mark that makes you, you.

“Well, it’s okay, Rafe,” you say, taking one daring step toward him, “As long as you know you don’t have to work through all that alone.”

He nods, but you can tell he’s hesitant by the way his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat when he swallows.

“I know,” he says, his voice low.

“Good.”

He watches you take the few extra steps, and before he can help it, he wraps his left arm around you and pulls you in. His right arm falls to his side, flowers still in his hand but practically forgotten. You mold yourself into his body, hoping to squeeze some sort of reassurance into him.

“It won’t happen again,” he whispers into your hair.

You just nod, and when you pull back, he holds up the flowers. He presents you with a boyish smirk you’ve never seen on him before, a sense of shyness behind it. He’s usually so confident and collected; this side of him seems to be new.

“They’re beautiful,” you smile, “You didn’t have to. Thank you.”

“Yes I did. Should’ve last week, too.”

You grin but roll your eyes, standing up on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. He accepts it, then pulls the box of baking soda from his jacket pocket.

“Teach me?” he asks, an expectant smile crossing his face.

“Of course,” you laugh, “Let me take care of the flowers.”

He nods but leans down to silently request one more kiss. You give it to him, then he hands the flowers off to you and lets you step away.

He shrugs off his jacket while you hunt down a vase in the back of one of Rafe’s cabinets, probably old and never used. You fill it and stick the flowers in, just in time to spin around and find Rafe standing exactly five inches from you.

“Jeez,” you call out, free hand rising to your heart as an attempt to calm it.

“Sorry,” he laughs, “Just– just can’t seem to get enough of you being here. In my kitchen, on my couch, on my balcony.”

“In your wallet,” you add, teasing him.

He grins, “I want more pictures of you.”

“Maybe in your next letter,” you joke, knowing you won’t be confident enough to actually follow through on the statement, “It’s your turn to write, by the way.”

“I know,” he replies with a smirk.

He leans in just enough that his nose brushes yours, and that’s when you pull back. You laugh as he groans, throwing his head back.

“It’s time to learn,” you lecture him.

He just nods and follows you over, where you steal a kiss anyway before you get started.

Rafe pays attention for about five minutes before his hands start roaming and his lips attach to your cheek, your jaw, your neck, anywhere he can reach. You giggle when he does it, trying not to let him get to you too much but also knowing that he’s so far under your skin, going back to UNC is going to hurt worse than it ever has before.

Once you have the dough perfected, he fishes two spoons out of the drawer and gathers up a bunch of it, handing one off to you. He pulls himself off of you and leans against the counter as he eats, never removing his eyes from you.

As happy as you are and as much as your mind is telling you to just be in the moment, a part of you wants to know absolutely every single piece of him. The good, the bad, and whatever ugly part he seems to be working so hard to hide.

“You told me once that I could talk to you, do you remember that?” you ask, “That nobody would see my letters but you. So, if I needed to vent, you were open to it.”

He nods slowly, halting his eating, “I remember. I meant it.”

“Well, I want to say the same to you, now,” you continue.

“Y/N–”

“You don’t have to tell me. I would never force you to do that. If you want to, though, I’m here.”

Something flashes in his eyes; it’s as if he wants to say a million things all at once. You just wait, allowing him to process what you’ve said and decide how he wants to proceed.

“I’ve made some mistakes,” he says eventually, “But that’s not who I am anymore. I’m better – I’m trying to be better.”

You nod, trying to get the most out of such a cryptic statement. He steps over to the sink and rinses off the remainder of the dough, neither of you really in the mood to eat it anymore. When he turns back to you, you’re rooted in the same spot.

“Nobody’s perfect in high school, Rafe,” you say quietly, “Nobody’s perfect at any point.”

“You’re pretty close,” he says, letting a smirk tease the ends of his lips.

You laugh and shake your head, ignoring the way your entire body seems to run warm at his admission. Now, you’re sure he’s done talking about it. He’s acting playful again; stepping over and wrapping both of his arms around your waist.

“What’d I say yesterday about this emotional shit?” he teases, “I just want to be with you while I can. Let’s not dredge up my past just for the hell of it.”

“I’m sorry,” you say immediately, “I just wanted you to know–”

“I appreciate that, honey, I do. Really. You’re a better person than I know what to do with, to be honest.”

You shake your head slightly, “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

Rafe’s expression melts into something entirely different from your words, but he regains himself quickly and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“C’mon, let’s get these in the oven.”

Saturday night consists of wine and whiskey, pizza, snickerdoodles, and about a million kisses. Some painfully slow, some so quick and desperate you swear you might die if you ever stop. You’re amazed at the fact that Rafe never tries to make it something more, he never tries to push you or make you uncomfortable. Really, he leans back and lets you choose the pace, taking over only when you relinquish control to him.

After a particularly long makeout session, you collapse on Rafe’s chest and turn your attention to the TV, where almost an entire episode of I Love Lucy has played through. Rafe’s palm is pressed into your back, stroking lightly every so often. Once the episode ends, he starts to squirm under you, and you know immediately what it means.

“Sit outside with me,” he says as you move to sit up.

“Okay,” you agree, picking up your wine glass while Rafe picks up his whiskey.

He slides the glass door open and lets you walk out first, taking a seat at his table. He lights up a cigarette as soon as he closes the patio door, then moves across the balcony to get to his seat. You look out, although there’s not too much to see. A road with a few cars passing by, the water off in the distance.

He clears his throat and draws your eyes away from the view, instead over to him. You watch him pull his cigarette from between his lips, letting them fall into their natural smirk as he looks at you.

“What time do you have to go tomorrow?”

The thought of getting back on that ferry without him makes your heart sink.

“Noon.”

He frowns, “Are you sure you have to go?”

Despite the topic, you smile. He gives you a soft smile when he sees yours, but something in his eyes looks sad. The loneliness is already returning, and for a moment, you swear you’re going to be lonely, too.

“I have class on Monday,” you say quietly, “I have to be there.”

He sits up straight, seemingly forgotten about the cigarette between his fingers.

“Honey, I’m joking. I’d never let you skip class to stay.”

You nod, knowing he has to work anyway, and both of your lives will return to normal. Just as last week, the thought of not knowing when you’ll see him again makes your heart ache. Not to mention the fact that a label hadn’t been put on this – a fact you’re trying not to think too hard on. The fact doesn’t necessarily bother you; you know you’re special to Rafe and you certainly know he’s special to you, but the pressure of figuring out what to tell Emma is weighing on you. As strange as you find her relationship with Ethan, you know that it would be considered more normal than your situation with Rafe.

He chuckles lightly, bringing you out of your trance. Your eyes meet his blue ones, which never leave you as he takes a drag.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Y/N?” he asks, a cocky grin on his face.

“Nothing,” you tell him, ignoring the heat that flows through your body at getting caught.

“Mhm,” he hums, amused, “You have no poker face, you know that?”

You furrow your eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

He laughs and relaxes in his chair, staring at you for another long few seconds before he speaks again.

“You hold every single emotion right on that beautiful face of yours. You’re trying to figure something out, I just don’t know what.”

You tuck your bottom lip in between your teeth and look down at the table, hoping somehow, the answer will be written there. Rafe keeps his gaze locked on you, never faltering or changing for one second.

“I’m trying–” you stop, reassess what you’re going to say, “I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to call this.”

You can practically hear him swallow as you finish your sentence, cigarette halting in midair as he takes it in. You don’t have the courage to look up at him, so you rely on what you can see out of the corner of your eye.

“This?” he requests clarification with a slight crack in his voice.

“Yes, this–” you almost whisper, “Us.”

He nods slowly, gradually unfreezing his limbs and functioning as normal again. When you do finally steal a gaze, he looks as if you’ve never said anything in the first place. The cigarette rises to his lips and he inhales, staring off the balcony as he thinks. You watch as the smoke comes pouring out of his mouth and nose a few seconds later, and that’s when he turns to look directly at you.

“Is Christian the guy you kissed on New Year’s Eve?”

You blink a few times as you try to process that subject change. Something spins in your stomach at the thought of Rafe not wanting to answer the question.

“What?” you ask, not even bothering to hide your confusion.

He laughs lightly, “Humor me. Is he the guy you kissed or not?”

“Yes.”

He nods, seemingly unaffected by the confirmation. You sit back in your chair and tuck your bottom lip between your teeth again, trying somehow to rid your body of the anxiety that seems to be rising up.

“Well,” he starts, tossing the rest of his cigarette off the balcony as he speaks, “I think I might die if I ever find out you kissed him again. Although, it’s not really fair of me to say that unless I do something about it, right?”

You’re not sure what game he’s playing, but at least it’s leading somewhere. That’s enough to get you to look up at him.

“I suppose not,” you say quietly.

“What would you like me to do about it, Y/N?”

Quite frankly, you have no idea how to answer that question. You can tell by the smirk on his face that he just wants you to say it, but you’re not sure you can. Just the thought that someone wants to be with you the way he does still hasn’t completely resonated yet. The thought of saying any word merely associated with the term relationship to Rafe Cameron has you teetering on the edge of insanity.

“I don’t know,” you reply, clearing your throat when your voice comes out barely audible.

He grins, “I’ve spent the last two days kissing the hell out of you, surprised every single time when you take control. It’s the words you always shy away from. Why?”

“I–” you stop yourself from claiming you don’t know when you look up and see his expression, daring you to lie. You stop and take a deep breath, releasing it before continuing, “I’ve never done this before, Rafe. I’m as inexperienced as they come. So, I don’t know the right things to say or when to know what to do. I have zero idea what’s happening right now, in fact. I just don’t want to go back to school confused. Or sad, if I’ve misread this and this is all it’s going to be. That’s okay, by the way, if that’s what you want, I just need to know. I need to–”

“Y/N,” he says, standing from his chair, “Take a breath, honey.”

You exhale, “Sorry.”

His laugh is short, quiet, and one of your favorite sounds to date. He kneels down in front of you and places both hands on top of your knees to steady himself. Your eyes gloss over each one of his features, wanting nothing more than to reach out and stroke a finger across his sharp jaw.

“I want you to be mine,” he tells you, “I want to be yours. In whatever way we do that is up to you. We’ll go at your pace. You don’t have to worry about me being here with anyone else, and I’ll try not to break Christian’s fucking arm next time I see him.”

You laugh, “Rafe. He’s nice.”

“He’s nice,” Rafe mocks, “Y/N, you really are new at this, aren’t you?”

“Yes. Go easy on me,” you whisper.

“I will, honey. You know I will. I’m yours. Tell me you’re mine.”

You smile and lean forward in your seat, sure that your poker face is already giving you away.

“I’m yours,” you say, your mouth hovering about three inches from his.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, “Can I take you inside now?”

“I would like that.”

He grins and holds his hand out to help you stand once he does, tugging you toward the sliding door. He pulls it open and guides you inside, wasting no time pulling you back to him for a kiss. This one feels different – they all feel different to you, Rafe communicates through his kisses, you’re sure – and you completely melt as he holds you up.

Without even realizing he’s inching you back, Rafe stops when he reaches the threshold of his bedroom.

“What’s mine stays in my room,” he explains, pulling back to look at you, brushing the pad of his thumb over your puffy bottom lip, “Your pace. Always at your pace, honey.”

You nod then, guiding your arms around his neck to pull him back down to you.

“Okay,” you say, “My pace.”

He smiles against your lips, “That’s right, beautiful girl. Come on.”

It has to easily be hours before you two finally stop kissing each other. You don’t mind the fact that he smoked right before he kissed you; in fact, you feel as if you can taste more of his whiskey than the smoke. He holds you on his lap, then guides you to lay down in the bed, but he never once moves to take it further. You set the rhythm, he follows it. After so long, your lips swollen to perfection, Rafe collapses beside you and wastes no time pulling you into his side.

“You okay?” he asks.

You bite your lip, “You really want me to stay in here?”

He laughs and pulls you even closer, his lips meeting your temple. You wonder how he can do that, given how tingly your lips still feel.

“More than anything else in the world, really,” he answers.

You smile and cuddle into him, using your angle to look around his room. It’s pretty normal; a TV, a dresser, curtains, more books. One thing you do notice, though, is that he has no pictures up. Nothing that makes it personal. Nothing that claims it as his own.

“I like your room.”

Another laugh from him, and you’re sure you have to be the funniest person in the world.

“Thank you,” he says, “Want me to tell you something personal?”

“Always.”

“You’re the first girl to be in this room.”

You can feel your heart plummet to your feet, and before you even fully digest his words, your head shoots up to look at him. Out of all the things he could’ve said to you right then, that is not one you ever would’ve thought of.

“I am?”

He nods, a sadness in his eyes that you can’t seem to properly place. You’re not sure if it’s really there.

“Yes.”

You move closer to him, pressing your body against his. He welcomes it, letting out a content sigh as you do so. You can feel the sleep ready to take over your body, comforted by the admission that you’re sleeping on a bed that’s only ever been occupied by Rafe himself.

“Rafe?”

“Hm?”

“Can I tell you the adjective I thought of to describe how I feel with you?”

You don’t have to look up at him, you can just hear the smile on his face as he replies.

“Sure.”

You smile against his chest and let the word slip out before both of you wind up falling asleep.

“Intoxicated.”

When your eyes open, you smile immediately. The simple sight of sunlight streaming in through Rafe’s window, illuminating his room, has you beaming. You can feel his arm lazily wrapped around your torso, but can tell there’s a bit of space in between the two of you because you can’t feel his body heat on your back.

You turn around gently, careful to keep his arm on you, and take him in. His lips are parted only slightly, barely, and his hair is sitting in ten different directions. You’re sure that’s partially because of sleeping, but also because you’d been running your fingers through it nonstop while kissing him. The sunlight hits his tan skin perfectly, and for a moment, you’d swear he’s glowing. You refuse to look away. You don’t want to miss even the smallest of movements; you want to memorize how he looks right now and carry it with you everywhere. Forever.

“Assigning me another adjective?”

His raspy voice hits you directly in the heart, but you try not to let it show.

You laugh, grin wide, “Yes, actually.”

His eyes remain closed, but his lips get pushed together as he tries to suppress his smile.

“Don’t leave me in suspense, honey.”

You shimmy closer before you can help it, smile widening when you feel his hand travel from your waist up your back to pull you in.

“Alluring.”

“Alluring,” he repeats, “Wow. Imagine what my adjective will be after I take a shower.”

You laugh and roll your eyes, focusing back on him just in time to watch those blue eyes flutter open to greet the day. He smiles then, and up close, you can see the way his eyes crinkle when he does so. Devastatingly handsome, that’s what you’re sure he’d look like after a shower.

“Hi,” you whisper.

He laughs, “Hi. Did you sleep okay?”

“Very okay.”

“Me too,” he says, “I want to take you to breakfast before I have to put you on the ferry. Will you let me do that?”

You nod, letting his desires outweigh your fear of being seen on the island. You’re sure none of the members of the Club will be out getting breakfast anywhere, considering they all do brunch at the Club every Sunday.

“It’s allowed,” you tease.

“Good. Are you going to let me kiss you, or do you want to brush first?”

You smile at how well he seems to have already caught on to you, and you’re sure he’s not at all surprised when you sit up.

“I’ll be two minutes,” you promise.

He groans, “Make it one.”

You hurry off to the guest room bathroom and scrub your teeth, every nerve in your body firing with anticipation. It’s only been about seven hours since you kissed him last, and yet, it feels like way too long. Especially with him being so close all night.

When you reach his room again, you stop in the doorway when he's no longer in bed. You’re not sure what to do; if you should get back in bed and wait or move to the living room. He emerges from the bathroom then, hair still messy as ever, and laughs lightly when he sees you in the doorway.

“I brushed, too,” he says, “C’mere.”

He pulls you just inside his room and presses you against the wall beside his door, wasting no time pressing his lips to yours. It’s agonizingly slow at first, his kiss, just wanting to savor the feeling of each other so close. When he pulls away after a minute, you groan.

“Rafe,” you whine.

“Shit, I–” he drops his head back, “Fuck. Go get ready for breakfast. Stay a second longer and I won’t stop.”

You giggle and peck his lips quickly before hurrying off to the guest room, only so happy to hurry through a shower and get dressed before shoving all of your belongings back into your duffle bag. Just before you zip it up, your eye catches on the note you’d saved from Rafe that he had taped to the fridge. You smile when the idea comes to you, and when you hear Rafe’s shower running, you hurry into the kitchen to find paper and a pen.

“Okay, are you sure you’ve got everything?” he asks as he shrugs on his jacket by the door.

“Yeah, think so,” you say, “I’ll double check. Wait here.”

He just nods. You escape back into the kitchen and slide your note under his magnet, hoping it will make him smile the way his did for you. Quickly, you read over it for flaws.

Rafe,

I miss you already. Crazy, because you’re just in the shower. I kind of mean more so when I leave the island. Don’t forget it’s your turn to write.

Eat your cookies and think of me every time. I’ll definitely be thinking of you all week.

Yours,

Y/N

You’re so sure he’ll love the way you sign off the note that you almost want to hand it to him now just so you can see the expression on his face. Holding back, you walk back into the entryway and reach for his hand.

“Ready?” he asks.

“Ready.”

Rafe guides you out of his truck and into the restaurant with a sad smile painted across his features. You know why; he has to take you to the port after this and watch you go back to school. Away from him.

He only releases your hand when the two of you are seated, but at that point, you’re under the grasp of his stare. His intense, breath-hitching stare.

“Have I told you you’re beautiful yet?” he asks you.

“About a thousand times,” you mutter.

He grins, “Today.”

“Oh,” you chuckle, “I don’t think so.”

“You’re so fucking beautiful, honey.”

Your insides are doing cartwheels, and when the waitress approaches the table, you can’t think straight enough to even understand what you’re supposed to say. Rafe orders you both coffee and asks for a minute on the food. You know he did that for you – he’ll be having pancakes for sure.

“Would you hold it against me if I said I don’t want to go back to school?” you ask.

“Of course not,” he replies, “Is it because of us? Or something different?”

“A little,” you admit, “I just feel different when I’m with you. Less guarded, kind of.”

He nods, “What about Emma?”

You shrug, feigning nonchalance, when really, you’d been unable to admit much about your feelings with respect to your relationship with Emma.

“She’s my best friend. She just–” you sigh and start over, “Emma has a certain way that things should go. I’ve never fit that, but she’s always loved me anyway. There are just things I can’t tell her, because, I don’t know, she’d think I was a prude, or–”

“Holy shit! Rafe?”

You freeze at the male voice behind you, sounding closer than ever. Rafe’s eyes leave yours, widening slightly when he sees whoever it is. You’re not sure what to do, a new twinge of anxiety settling in.

“Wow, man, it’s been a minute. I thought we were going to see you last weekend for sure, you never miss–”

“Kelce, please,” Rafe stops him, “I’m having breakfast with my girl. Don’t.”

You turn at the admission, ignoring the way your body reacts to the words my and girl in reference to you. You take in the guy who Rafe seems to know; he’s tall and handsome, a smile already plastered across his face. When he sees you, however, it drops a bit. You try not to take that to mean anything, but your mind goes crazy with insecurities on what that could mean.

“Um,” Kelce clears his throat, “Sorry, I–”

“Can we catch up some other time?” Rafe’s voice is turning urgent, and you’re struggling to keep up with all of this.

You look up at Kelce again and find that he’s already staring at you. Not in a way that makes you feel he’s being inappropriate, more that he’s analyzing you.

“Yeah, Cameron, sure. I just–” Kelce looks at you again and finally gives into whatever thought is bothering him, “Man, she looks so much like Ava.”

Your face falls at that, having no idea what this means. When you look at Rafe, his jaw is clenched so hard you swear it might break.

“Kelce,” he seethes.

“Shit, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Kelce facepalms, “Dude, really. I’m sorry. It just took me by surprise–”

“I’ll shoot you a text sometime this week,” Rafe says, dismissing him with a wave.

“Okay, sure,” Kelce looks over at you, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to compare you to her, she was–”

“Kelce, don’t make me drag you away from this table.”

You can’t form even a small it’s okay when he smiles timidly at you before walking off, because suddenly, you can’t find the words for anything. You had no idea what just happened, and you’d said nothing throughout the entire thing. You swallow, your throat suddenly dry and your chest suddenly tight.

“Y/N, look at me,” Rafe says quietly.

You do as instructed, but you do it slowly. When your eyes meet his, your guard is up. His seems to be down.

“Who was that?” you ask weakly.

“Y/N,” he repeats, “I need you to relax.”

“Who is Ava?” you continue your questions, acting as if he never spoke.

He opens his mouth, but the waitress stops in front of the table with coffee, and he clamps it shut. You give her a small thank you and applaud yourself for having the courage to speak up that time.

“I can’t tell you about Ava here, honey. Please.”

You suck in a deep breath, “She looks just like me. Is she an ex-girlfriend or something?”

When he doesn’t answer right away, you let out a small, incredulous laugh and busy yourself with dumping creamer into your coffee. A part of you knows you’re just being insecure, but Rafe’s weirdness surrounding the entire subject is throwing you off even further. He’s not the type of guy who hides from things, he owns his shit. At least you thought he did.

“Y/N, please,” he begs.

You just shake your head, “Consider it forgotten.”

He knows you’re lying and so do you. You slide him the dish with the creamer containers, keeping the sugar for yourself.

“Please,” he repeats, “Please trust me.”

You swallow and look up at him from your coffee, extending your hand and silently asking for his own.

“I do.”

Tags: @poisxnedmind @writeswxrlds @slut4rafee @onmykneesforrafe @oliveeu @lovnar @masteroperator @grimesrheee @justhereforthemonet @mannstarkey @valeriiecameron @lovedetlost @lurkymurker @scenesofobx @mardema @girlsneedloovee @red-wine06 @itsalexwin @wishing-i-was-rafes-princess @witchwyfe @malums-trash-can @emotionalbruv @parkerreidnorth @milkiane @rafecameronswhore @kotzmagoatz @wanniiieeee @kookkyra @sarahwasfound @lilgoddesshines @proactivetypeofperson @abrunettefangirlnerd @the-chaotic-cow @absolute-fcking-chaos @kaatelyyynn @jordynsharum @anonymousobxfan @premixed-margarita @princesspogue @outlaw-abby @samcaniglia @dr3aming0utl0udx @thisisthewayrose @iammirrorball @r0und3bitch @thesimpletype @fashphotolife @notdisneychannel @gillybear17 @solllaris @i-is-for-inspiring @sksliz @luversgirl

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

absolutely love the points you've made here and would like to thank you on bent knees for inviting me to talk about ethan hunt's relationship with violence

the point about mi1 versus mi2 is really great and I think crucial to figuring out the trajectory of ethan's scalpel-versus-hammer arc and the impulses behind it. For my 2 cents I just want to take a second to talk about the scalpel-versus-hammer line...I have mixed feelings about it in Fallout, I feel like (this is mostly personal taste with a dash of speculation) it's meant to serve a double purpose of acting as "Ethan commentary" and "Erika Sloane characterization" (literally almost typed angela bassett she's fully angela bassett to me) but it kinda doesn't work because Sloane's perspective on Ethan and the movie's/audience's perspective on Ethan don't mesh. I almost feel like I would have liked it better if she was more obviously wrong. There's a hint of a knife-to-a-gunfight joke going on in scalpel versus hammer, I kinda think it would have been fun if the script had leaned into that, you use a scalpel, I prefer a gun, the point being to emphasize the idea of ethan as woefully inadequate for the job she wants walker for, the job of militarized killing. We don't actually need Sloane to be completely right about Ethan for her comparison to hit home. In fact, given how little she knows or cares about Ethan, her accurately cold reading him would be a bit odd.

As a representation of Ethan, I like scalpel in some ways and not so much in others. I like scalpel because it's a tool used for surgery, it's meant to be able to help people by fixing problems without causing any other unnecessary damage. That tracks with Ethan's MO while incorporating the way he uses violence in the sense of "necessary cuts," no body count if there's any way to avoid it. That being said, like you get at in your points about MI2 and beyond, 'scalpel' implies a level of sterility, cool-headed logic, precision, and control that I would argue Ethan never truly has again after MI1. (Incidentally in MI1 he's still emotional and irrational, trusting Luther, risking everything to try to trust Claire.) When he gathers a team in Ghost Protocol, he invites in chaos, just as he has started getting himself in line. The edge of desperation, plans spiraling out of control, unexpected chaotic parts coming into play, is a key aspect of McQuarrie era MI. A big part of the reason for that, I would argue, is Ethan's priorities. @interropunct and I were talking the other day about the key differences between McQuarrie era Ethan and Jim--Jim is a self-styled mastermind, the man behind the computer, and like Lane in RN or the Entity in DR1 he's defined by his emotional composure and emotional removal, which allows him to use people like chess pieces, setting up traps. (They don't always work for Jim, lol--he killed his whole team and he didn't even get the real NOC list to show for it--but that aspect of his character design still holds.) Ethan is very consistently portrayed as caring too much about everyone in the world, being unable to let anyone suffer in his stead, and it's those qualities that consistently make him vulnerable, make him desperate. They keep him from really being a scalpel--he kills multiple people to save the French cop in Fallout! Talk about a hammer! He is over and over set against the forces of calm, collected do-what-is-best specifically because his primary objective, protecting everyone he can get behind him, makes it impossible for him to make calculated "hard choices," or stay in control of any situation for long.

Anyway your ideas are excellent, thank you for inviting me to add on! I'm always so fascinated by the ways McQ chooses to portray the question of Ethan and violence.

"You use a scalpel, I prefer a hammer."

I am having so many thoughts about this line because sure Ethan is a scalpel but like no he's not he's...well ok let me try and meta for a second

Because Mission Impossible 1, he's a scalpel. By god is he a scalpel. He manipulates and deceives and seduces and tricks and betrays and sets people up and pulls off these delicate and precise maneuvers and leaves without a trace and he shows people what they want to see whether that's being flashy or subtle or dumb or smart or

And he survives the worst time of his life by using all of these skills as they're being used against him and he hates it

I think thats why I'm fascinated by his interaction with Max, because they're using the same playbook and they are aware of what the other is doing so they have a little fun with it. Like, Ethan is living through hell and he's desperate, and he's pretty scared of Max underneath that boyish grin. But it's fun. They're both being a good sport about it. Because it's mutual. But it's mutual in a very different way to Jim/Claire's manipulation of him is mutual. I'm not sure I'm expressing this well.

He hates it, just a little at first, and then by the end I think he hates it a lot because

Mission Impossible 2 happens and (if memory serves right because I haven't seen the film in years) he's trying so fucking hard not to be a scalpel. He's trying to be a hammer.

And he's rough and abrasive and reckless and little bit feral. He's split lips and bruises knuckles. He hits hard and expects to be hit harder, because he's punishing himself and punishing the world and it shows. He learns violence as a tool and learns how to use it. And he hammers his way through the problem because he can't stomach the thought of being a scalpel anymore.

And then, slowly, through mi3 and beyond, we see him walk the path back to being a scalpel.

He'll never forget what Jim and Claire did to him but maybe he doesn't let the wound fester anymore and let's it start to heal.

But he can never be a scalpel again.

Because he's learned the advantages of a hammer too.

Sometimes you need to be a ghost but sometimes you need to make a scene.

Because a scalpel could never fight the way Ethan fights. To the bitter end, blood between his teeth, and not necessarily his own. Would never drive a car off a building to get to the bottom faster, wouldn't drive a car post drowning to death, wouldn't crash a helicopter on purpose. Could never do the most extreme of the stunts that Ethan pulls off.

I mean, he's better at them because he can be a scalpel while doing them. But to do them at all...

But a hammer could never put on a mask and become someone else. Could never seduce a target. Or interrogate someone without them ever figuring out they were interrogated. Or break in somewhere to steal what they need and leave without a trace.

Walker could never have done what Ethan did in Paris. Because Lark and Walker weren't two different people. They were the same person with part of themselves hidden behind a vail so they could blend in. But Ethan. Ethan thought "I need to be Lark" and then became him. Dead eyed stare and "I slaughtered women and children with smallpox" and the White Widow trapped in his gaze terrified down to her marrow. A hammer couldn't do that. Only a scalpel.

Ethan swings between scalpel and hammer as needed and becomes something of the two combined, becomes something terrifying

It's what marks him, out of all the IMF, as the living manifestation of destiny. As the mind-reading, shapeshifting, incarnation of chaos. The one they tell stories about, the stories that surely can't all be true

So Ethan's not a scalpel. And he's not a hammer. I'm not sure what he is. And maybe Ethan wonders about that sometimes too.

Side note: I would like to invite the king of mission impossible 1 meta @deanwinchestersfloralwallpaper to way in, since I'm sure they'll be able to articulate all of this much clearer than I have

[vacate-et-scire]

Hellooo

I've always wanted to do a matchup but I always end up late lol

I'm a sagittarius and my MBTI is INFP.

Hobbies: They're all over the place, I like doing any artsy stuff I can get my hands on (My main is drawing with graphite tho), going to the mall and just doing (and buying...) whatever I find interesting there. I play video games but it's like 1-4 games that I get heavily invested in and then off to the next if I get bored or lose interest in one of them. I love going to museums and historical places (especially anscestral houses) only when it isn't SUPER crowded and noisey (makes it hard to appreciate them), chilling in pools or on the beach (and pick up rocks and shells there),

Style(??): My clothing style is whatever I feel like wearing that day lol, it's usually black since that's the most in my closet, I love baggy sweaters or tees but I'd occasionally wear fitted stuff, pants always loose tho (no dresses or skirts unless needed).

Personality: I am incredibly socially awkward even on the internet (I am typing right now questioning if I'm doing it right :'D) I can INTERACT with people and stuff but like, small talk and stuff I cannot. I just can't. I only yap when I'm with friends. Mentally I am unwell bc deep rooted issues but eh. I have like, perpetually tired looking eyes (I saw video of me while my friends sang happy birthday but I looked like I didn't care??? I actually happy during it. I asked if that's genuinely how I looked normally) I overthink a lot (overthinking rn, overthinking about him *lipbite*) cringe ahh but fr I overthink everything. I think I'm an ambivert but leaning introvert. I just kinda go with whatever I feel.

Random notes: I love sanrio especially Kuromi (ik basic but she's one of my favorites that has the most merch). I love jellyfish (too tired to list out the reasons why), my phonecase have them, my lockscreen has them, room has them, heck even my hair is a jellyfish cut. I have a lot of plushies and always have the urge to buy more when I walk pass them. I have seperate playlists for whatever vibe/fit I'm in.

I like someone whose taller than me (ain't that hard I'm fucking 4'11 💀) I like someone whose not too energetic but not too stiff/sluggish either. Honestly not overly affectionate- (I am on the aromantic spectrum, kinda feel meh to romance most of the time) like someone who I love and loves me, but is fine with not doing 'romantic' stuff. I just want someone who I can float through life with.

I think this is pretty long, it's my first time :')

That's all thank youzz

Your Blue Lock Matchup: Rin Itoshi

Let’s get straight to it—Rin Itoshi is the perfect partner for you. Why? Because this guy’s whole vibe aligns with everything you’re looking for in someone to float through life with. He’s calm without being sluggish, reserved but not distant, and he doesn’t push for over-the-top romance or grand gestures. Rin respects boundaries while still being steady and reliable, which is exactly the balance you need.

Rin’s a quiet guy who won’t overwhelm you with constant chatter or demands. He’s not about small talk either, so you won’t have to deal with those awkward interactions that leave you overthinking later. With him, the silence is comfortable, not stifling. When you do open up, he listens—not just to respond, but to really understand what’s on your mind.

Your introverted-leaning ambivert tendencies are something Rin gets, because he’s much the same. He’s perfectly fine spending time alone or with just you, and he wouldn’t push you into overly social or crowded situations. That quiet appreciation for just “being” together is one of Rin’s strengths. Whether you’re chilling on the beach collecting shells or wandering through a museum during the off-hours, he’ll share those moments with you without making it feel like a performance.

Your artistic side is something Rin deeply admires. He may not understand every detail of what you create, but he’ll respect and support it in his own way. He’d probably sneak a look at your drawings and get quietly impressed by your talent, though he might not say much beyond a simple but meaningful compliment. He’s not overly expressive, but the way he looks at your art—or the little moments he makes time for your passions—will show you how much he values your creativity.

You want someone who won’t pressure you for traditional romance but will still be there to share the journey. Rin’s perfect for this. He’s not big on PDA or overtly “romantic” gestures, but he has a quiet way of making you feel like you matter. It could be as simple as sitting next to you while you both do your own thing—him reviewing game footage while you sketch or organize playlists. It’s the kind of effortless companionship that feels natural, not forced.

You lean toward black, baggy clothes, and your style is about comfort and self-expression. Rin wouldn’t just respect that—he’d probably match your vibe without even trying. His own understated fashion sense complements your laid-back style. Plus, your love for plushies and jellyfish? He’d find it endearing, even if he doesn’t fully get it. Rin’s the type who might surprise you with a jellyfish-themed keychain or casually grab a plushie you’ve been eyeing, all without making a big deal about it.

Rin’s reserved nature might make it tough to connect deeply at first. He’s not the type to share his emotions easily, and that could clash with your tendency to overthink. But with time, as he becomes more comfortable around you, he’ll let you in more. You’ll both learn to navigate those quieter moments of emotional intimacy in a way that feels right for both of you.

Rin is steady where you’re scattered, calm where you’re anxious, and thoughtful where you’re unsure. He’s the kind of person who gives you the space to just be, while still standing firmly beside you. Together, you’ll create a bond that doesn’t rely on the typical romantic clichés, but instead builds on understanding, mutual respect, and a shared sense of peace. With Rin, life isn’t about chasing fireworks—it’s about the quiet, lasting glow of something real.

[hellsfirekeepsyouwarm]

Don't Come To Me Pt. 3

Helloooo! Here i am with the next part. It's a little slower one, but i think it turned out good. I'm happy you guys wanted more, and i'm really into writing for him rn. I can't stop with the love triangle stuff, so bare with me. (i am in my Triple Frontier days guys, so i'm positive i'll have some content with the boys. :))

Billy Russo x F!Reader

Warnings: Billy being kinda selfish, Billy being kinda possessive but in a sexy way.

Summary: Billy decides what if wants, and he wants two things. You, and a victory over his best friend.

Taglist: @icarus-isflying @intothesoul

PART 2 PART 4

"You should have left her out of this, Frank." There is a heavy feeling on Billy's chest, his whole body shaking in anger. His choice of words are way more gentle than the ones in his head raging. "Why the fuck did you involved her?" He speaks again when the only thing on the other side is Frank's breathing.

"She's not involved in anything, Billy." Frank's answer just fuels Billy's fury, the grasp on his cool dissolving by the second. Billy grabs the edge of the couch, collecting himself, remembering you are sound asleep, drunk on a whole bottle of whiskey, only a couple feet away. He cannot lose control right now.

"Don't act like death doesn't follow you like a shadow everywhere you go." It's a painful blow, he knows that, but the fact Frank took a chance on her life, her safety by contacting her, is sending him over the edge. He knows how to get under Frank's skin, and he'll do it if he has to.

"You can drag me into your bullshit, but not her, you hear me? Not her Frank." But Billy needs to be on Frank's good side, he can't give him a reason to even look at him the wrong way. He needs to be careful, in order to keep every last of his secrets under wraps. Because he has innumerable of them.

"Don't act like you are a saint, brother. She's just as much in danger with you, you know that." Well shit he's right. Ish.

Billy's idea of a comeback is made out of various selected curse words that he needs to swallow quickly, before they roll out on his tongue. Damn it's hard, fucking hard when it's about her, her safety, mind body and soul, and his reputation and future is on the line. Frank is a threat he considered a buried skeleton, a ghost that lingered above his head while he tried to shut his tired eyes to rest.

"She's okay, Frank. She's safe, with me." He softens his voice, forcing the distracting details out of his brain. For now at least.

"I know." The admission is a slap on the face and a long desired validation. Coming from a man he looked up the most, and despised the most. Maybe this is how love works for Billy. Hate and love forging together until he cannot determine which is which.

Frank thinks he is doing a good job. He managed to keep you away from his work, from the deepest pits of military and government shit she only saw in movies. From Maria and the kids, having her back while she grieved, grieved the life's lost and grieved a best friend who wasn't the same man anymore. He made sure she was as far as she can be from Frank's mass killing spree, and the painful spotlight that came with it. The only thing he could never protect her from is himself. That's the fucking thing he just can't deal with. Can't accept it, but it surely would be easier. To just embrace it, and maybe that would lead him closer to her, let her love him like she wants to.

Frank said it. Loud and clear, and it made his heart break by the pride and pain he felt. Everything she needed protection from is caused and originated from him. Billy is the reason for most of it. His ego grew twice as much, but the hatred for himself swallowed like quicksand.

He takes a breath, not too loud for Frank to hear, he spells out a meeting spot for to meet, and ends the call. There is no need for doubt, Frank will be there. He needs to figure out how to make Frank disappear. For good this time.

He stands there for a long minute, calming his body, his nerves. His mind is telling him to flee, get it out of his system. The pent up anger and frustration he could never channel properly. That's why he chose this life, being a marine held him accountable, at least towards himself. The life taught him discipline he lacked, but it was only good for a while. When he was home, away from the killing and blood, and constant fight or flight mode, he lost the order, the routine that kept him in check.

You told him countless times when you first saw him in action, you saw a different person. You told him you could never thought he can have this type of regulation. That it was unlike him, and that would be true. His nature was wild and unhinged, no rules just his own when it came to living.

Surviving? That was a whole different level. He thrived because his brain clicked, shifted, his instinct kicking in like an ecstasy in his blood. It's way better than ecstasy.

It's cruising in his veins right now, standing in your living room, literally glowing from the adrenaline rush the brief exchange of words gave him with Castle. It's a weird but pleasant mixture how the high of danger, and the fear of what can happen is clashing together.

This feeling makes him want to go and have his way with Madani, because he knows she'll let him in, he knows they trick he can use on her. It's easy and taunting still, and he likes the edge. And he likes that it's nothing more. He could fuck this out of his mind.

He shakes his head in order to push out the idea. His hair falling around his face. He won't go to Madani.

He walks soundlessly to your door, letting the small light in with a bright straight line to your sleeping form. You are snoring softly, hair sticking to your forehead, sweating out all that extra alcohol your system can't swallow up.

The need of slipping out your flat is turning into a slipping into your bed need. Just curl up next to you, listening to the noises you make, the mumbles from your dreams, sheets twirling between your thighs as you straddle the cover he put on you. It's the perfect view, rare, unforgettable. He saw you in bikini, swimsuits even in your underwear, in more revealing clothes, sexier pieces, but the way your ass arched perfectly, your shirt rolled up enough to reveal the glowing skin on your back, little stretch marks covering your side as tiger stripes.

He steadies himself, shoulder leaning to the door frame as heat creeps up on his neck. Shit, this is getting ridiculous. He can have any woman, it's not arrogant to think, it's true. And he still blushes when it comes to you, when he had countless sex with gorgeous women, saw way more of a body, felt more than now. He just watching your bare legs hugging tightly onto the fabric, and he feels lost, out of breath. It's better if he stays, right? Making sure you are okay in the morning. Right?

But you only want it, because you have competition. The voice is so loud in the back of his head, he can't ignore it. He never had competition other than Frank, and he outed himself when he married Maria, and had his fairy-tale life with the big house and the perfect kids. Any other men was just a pathetic try, he usually wondered how could you not see the impotence in each of them. They were easy to get rid of. It took only a big wide toothy grin, a lazy hand around your shoulder, a snarky but honey coated comment, and they were out of the picture. Now that was in his nature. He was so good at intimidating with his charming acts that he never even needed to try, it just came as breath in the lungs. And the price was you. standing there lonely, not sure why no man can handle you. And he would be there to breath life into your smile, making it reach you eyes again. A win.

Shit.

He can't blindside the guilt, his own personal gain clothed in sheep skin. Because he likes the idea of winning you. Winning you from Frank Castle himself, dragging your attention from him, enveloping you in genuine but manipulated sweet words and praises. He likes it, he takes two at once. You, and his delicious victory.

A smile is spreading on his handsome features, watching you turn around with a huff, shielding your eyes still asleep, but aware of the bugging streak of light. His heart swells with care and love, and the guilt eating little chunks out of his soul.

He wants you, but he wants to win. That he cannot deny.

The bed is calling to him. Empty space made for him. Sheets and pillows untouched, smelling like your shampoo, the remains of your perfume and the unmistakable scent of your skin.

It would be wrong on so many levels to just slide under the sheets, and meet you halfway on the mattress, pulling you in his arms, pressing a soft peck of kiss on the crown of your head.

He always craved domesticity when he was with you. The simple things felt magical. Pushing the cart lazily in a heavily air conditioned grocery shop, having your arm brush against his in need of heat, while it's flaming hot outside. Stopping at the coffee shop near your apartment building, getting a chocolate bar you said you wouldn't get, ordering him to stop you if you take a sharp turn to the sweets isle. Pulling you towards the inside of the sidewalk, cars rushing past you with high speed making him nervous, talking about his work casually, you eyes curious, drinking every word, and remembering what he have told you days later.

In these moments he felt lovesick. Forgetting his ways, the all time bachelor. But the nights came crushing down on him as he stepped into the empty rooms of his apartment, cold and lifeless. Too much space left to fill in, space he's not enough to cover. And he wanders if it's possible, to have you in the kitchen when he gets home, a glass of wine dancing in your hands as you stir whatever you are making on the stove. To have you ask about his day while he untangles himself from the works clothes, snaking his arms around your torso, planting a kiss on your temple, inhaling the aromas of the food you are contracted on. You would giggle, saying his beard is tickling your neck, so he would do it again just to hear that sweet laugh.

Fuck, he's spiraling.

He goes around checking the door and windows, glancing at your phone in your purse, just a peace of mind that it's right where you left it, the last call deleted from existence. He turns off the lights, getting rid of his boots, sliding his t-shirt over his head, fidgeting with his belt that hold the dark jeans on his hips.

The cold sheets are a welcomed sensation against his flushed skin, the smell hitting his nose, just like he imagined. He carefully gets comfortable, fairly close to you, but not touching your resting body. He wants to, hell, he wants nothing more than scoop you up, caging you in the prison of his arms.

He sighs, letting his body ease into the bed, heaviness scratching his mind, sleep tugging his limbs. He would stare at the ceiling at home, alone. He would do that at least for 1-2 hours before his brain would stop working overtime.

He's satisfied. This is enough. For now.

He's just stopped moving, taking the position best for a good night sleep, but you stir as soon as he's settled. His eyes dart over you, you turn around, facing him, your hand colliding with his chest, you hum in response. He can't really see your face, but he can see your hand grabbing his abdomen, fingers digging into his skin to support your turn, pulling your body closer to his, nuzzling yourself closer.

He gently pulls you to his chest, knowing very well his arm will go numb in then minutes, but he has no care in this word. You settle almost on him, leg swung over his hips, legs tangled together, hot skin burning on hot skin.

He will win. He will have you, and he will win.

[apompkwrites]

reader impact || first meetings: liyue boys

series masterlist characters: chongyun, xingqiu genre: fluff summary: a game has been released entitled genshin impact, consisting of otherworldly abilities relying on the basic elements of nature. the game follows the story of an interdimensional traveling twin in search of their other half. along this journey, they meet different characters that live in this world. including you. notes: ahhh my boys <333 they're on my team rn and i love how well they work together. also, chongyun was kinda hard to write a meeting for because you don't really meet him??? we just recently got the hangout events so,,,

chongyun's playthrough -

chongyun tries to keep his love for supernatural things lowkey.

he does a terrible job at it, though.

his overlay is spirit themed so-- :)

his streams are very laid back.

when he first started, he didn't talk so much.

but then he started getting used to it and his viewers love how dorky he is.

he's very talkative once he's comfortable streaming :D

i'm not basing this on beau bridgland on zach's stream what are you talking about?

his chat makes fun of him sometimes because he can't stand the heat.

(they love his popsicle breaks during streams though--)

they've definitely tried to make him eat hot peppers, each one increasing in scoville units.

he fell for it once and is now very cautious about what his chat asks of him.

^^ what happened was they told him eating it with something else would make it less hot. it didn't.

the only requests he'll take now are game requests ://

anyway, a lot of people request for him to play genshin impact simply because of one character they want him to roll for.

unfortunately, he isn't able to find any trailers of this mystery character :((

he does see some things about your friend that likes to read, though!!

since he can't find anything about this character his chat is excited about without spoilers, he throws caution to the wind and uses all of his free rolls.

his luck must be god-tier at this point because he manages to get you in his first ten roll.

he will definitely pause everything he's doing just to look at your splash art.

you're so calm and poised but so forceful at the same time like?!?!??!

hOW?!?!?!?!?

you have all these floating charms around you and you're just so?!??! cool?!?!?

he hasn't even gotten to a fourth of this game and you're already one of his best characters.

he'll give the best weapons and artifacts, replacing them with better ones the more he plays.

during his popsicle breaks, he'd normally watch some videos or something while talking to chat.

until you came into his life :D

now all of his popsicle breaks include you in some way.

playing genshin? man he'll put you on his screen and just play some of your voicelines or let your idle animations play.

he's doing literally anything else??? too bad, you're right there in the form of fanart he's seen or videos of you.

if you have the same issue with heat that he has, he won't be using large scale pyro users.

characters similar to diluc or klee? nope. only small pyro users thank you very much.

and when that happens, he probably has them built up for physical damage instead of elemental.

his chat will beg him to build up the other pyro characters better please they're so good at elemental damage--

"no."

dang.

he knows for sure that it won't techinically affect you game wise.

but does he care? no.

at least 90% of the time you're paired up with a character that pairs up well with you, in both game mechanics and story.

(kinda like chongyun and xingqiu, you feel me?)

he just can't let you two part :((

he's one of the players that desperately want a story quest for you.

please he just wants to learn more about his favorite comfort character :((

xingqiu's playthrough -

xingqiu does a lot of reading streams.

he'll just sit there for hours and read books to his viewers.

they can span from children's books to full on novels.

he does requests too!!

like, if enough people request a book, he'll read it to them.

mainly streams at night so that people who need something to listen to while they sleep can listen.

(of course that only works if they're in similar time zones).

but he's a smart boy so he'll sometimes do streams in the middle of the day for people who are in different time zones.

sometimes he'll do analysis streams where everyone can discuss the book he read in the past stream.

he's another person who likes games with stories because, obviously, he likes reading.

when he's recommended to play genshin, he's a bit hesitant on it.

there isn't a whole lot of reading involved since it's voiced but then he learns about all of the books you can collect.

that's pretty much the main reason he plays the game.

he spends a lot of time in the mondstadt library.

he takes a while to actually get to liyue because he's reading all of the stories from mondstadt.

his chat is practically begging him to continue the story because... you know.

he finally gets to liyue after months of playing.

of course, he doesn't actually meet you in the main story.

he's very confused when his chat tells him to unlock one of the story quests.

honestly, he just wants to get back to reading the books in genshin.

but he unlocks it anyway.

of course, he's very excited to see that this quest takes him to liyue's bookhouse.

"did somebody say out-of-print books?"

softvoicesoftvoicesoftvoicesoftvoicesoftvoice

aND THEN THE PAN UP THAT HIDES YOUR FACE.

"is there a chance that volume six of legend of the shattered halberd is also in his collection?"

"who are they...?"

"apologies, my liege."

and he's down.

you're so soft and calm and adorable.

please you've snatched his heart in an instant.

he's on board once you invite him to qingce village.

and then you take the book and run.

when he finds you reading, he takes a hot minute before he actually talks to you.

the way you're standing is adorable please--

if you stand similar to how he does in the game, he's smitten.

you're so graceful and poised and just so,,, ADORABLE PLEASE