#so i'm guessing it's just an old save
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i’m this close to jsut full ass deleting sims 4 and finding like a game crack of sims 3 instead
this game is really pissing me off tonight
#i can't pull of my saved games anymore because the game full crashes when i do#even when using the legit version#and disabling mods#literally no threads are any help on this either#between this and last night#i'm kinda fed up w this game rn#i was in the mood for it and then it jsut destroyed that by being a pos#what's annoying too is i can resume my current game#so i'm guessing it's just an old save#but i have no fucking clue which of these save are which in this folder#and of course because the game crashes before i can pull up the load game screen i can't do it from there
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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just finished Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, and it is a game written by cowards for cowards.
the final twist genuinely ruins the game. it's so stupid as a narrative decision. i hate it so much. it almost makes me understand what the people yelling about The Last Jedi being too subservient to its themes were yelling about (OBVIOUSLY not the ones that were being bigoted and loud and wrong about it, but just the ones who had actual issues with its narrative directions/execution). genuinely, the twist takes what could have been an extremely solid 8.5, maybe a 9/10 game down to a 4/10 game with nothing of interest to say deluding itself into thinking it's saying anything of worth by thoughtlessly repeating patterns as if that's supposed to generate meaning without any real effort of actually committing to that meaning, or seeing the world as anything beyond its basic binary worldview of Good and Bad.
putting that twist in fundamentally cuts the legs out from any actual, interesting and substantive critique it could have leveled at the legal system and our feelings about people on trial and their perceived guilt or innocence, and it just ends up reinforcing it as a power of good that Will Ultimately Prevail In The Search For Truth, as if that is even remotely a thing any legal system is concerned with, especially the one in the game that mostly just stumbles into The Right Choices because it's a game controlled by the player. it's frankly ideologically incoherent to the point of saying nothing because its critique is unfocused and toothless. best it can muster is "maybe some people are corrupt and lying, but if You take Advantage of The System, you can beat them" as if malicious compliance is supposed to change the system. fuck off.
ran out of tags but. i'm serious about this lol, i really hate it as a narrative and ideological choice. the game threatens to say something bold and interesting and then just pulls the rug out from underneath you. it sucks. it's very much like 12 Angry Men in that way, i think, except at least that movie Knows what it's saying and that its basic premise is its ideological downfall, this just doesn't really feel like it says anything much interesting or coherent, ultimately, because the criticism either drowns in the length and comedic nature of it, or just ultimately isn't focused and pointed and nuanced enough to actually say something meaningful. like ik someone's gonna do a "kid's game" thing but hello, kid's shit has always been nuanced and just bc it's "for kids" doesn't mean it has to abide by some binary ass morality that flattens all its interesting critique, especially when you're constantly led, structurally, to the more interesting and nuanced narrative choice only to have a twist completely ruin it and making it all feel like a waste of your time. plenty of things are nuanced and interesting and "for kids" without deflating their themes and messages by writing a stupid twist that undercuts the interesting parts of its arguments.
#james talks#people will probably be mad about this one but i'm Wright about it. Phoenix Wright.#sorry. had to be done. making up for the lack of pun names and jokes in the last case.#anyway i'm so serious when i say it's a cowardly narrative direction that just completely undercuts the whole fucking point—#it was trying to make about the ways the legal systems of Japan are set up to encourage only closing cases by any means necessary#like it just literally doesn't make even half the point bc guess what? Ema just isn't actually responsible.#so you don't have to have any remotely complicated feelings about the justice system. it WILL get the perpetrators at the end.#Edgeworth? didn't do it. Ema? didn't do it. you don't ever have to have complicated feelings about working with people.#sorry i just REALLY fucking hate this choice so immensely i am more filled with rage the more i think about it#apparently this is a actual tag so.#Ace Attorney critical#resisting tagging this with the main game tag bc i don't wanna hear spoilers for the other games.#or hear annoying fans bitching about my correct take in my asks.#in case it wasn't obvious i am serious about the take but i am also still processing.#probably have slightly more nuanced thoughts when i've heard more opinions from other people and seen their takes.#i already know someone's gonna make some bullshit argument about believing in the good in people and how that makes sense but.#getting a charge of guilty literally is a failstate in this. your client and associates can never Actually Be Guilty of anything—#besides some light corruption. the twist about Lana not being a murderer is fine. it works bc it's clever.#but Ema not being a murderer is shit bc it completely ruins the promise the whole thing sets up. like sure Lana still goes to prison at—#the end but we can't dwell on that at all or feel anything but happy bc it's the last note of the game. so they have to make Ema not guilty#did it ever cross their minds they could've bonded again in prison?#like if you're sending Lana to prison anyway. just send Ema in with her. she can still be guilty of the thing and you can actually make—#more interesting critique of the system as abusing people who have no other choice instead of them—#Being Wronged Through No Fault Of Their Own as if they're innocent little toddlers with no control of anything. like with Edgeworth that—#narrative choice was more acceptable bc he was like 9 years old. Ema was 14. what the fuck are we talking about.#i'm not saying being 14 means she should hang or whatever like she was still a teen but they could've written her to be guilty—#but not A Murderer in a million different ways and they chose the most annoying and cowardly path bc—#it promises to be interesting and nuanced and then just completely flips you off right at the finish line—#as if your interest in its commentary and what it Wants To Say was too much investment as if they didn't spend 80% of the game doing that#by making you commit crimes to save people (Phoenix admits lawyers aren't supposed to investigate so 90% of the evidence is illegal)
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Hmm.
#^ that's shorthand for#'i have opinions on both canon material and fan reactions but it's not my fandom so those aren't my monkeys'#'and therefore i shall keep my thoughts to myself'#i will be reblogging pretty art tho#and maaaybe one (1) specific text post that's saved in my drafts if i happen to be in a particularly salty mood one of these days lmao#but i mean.#if you know me it's easy to guess at#it's just the usual two offenses#if this was 2018 i'd be frothing at the bit but i'm old and tired and people are so predictable that it's almost boring XD#withoutwords
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printed-out private fanfic collections my beloved
#that's it. that's the post#do I sometimes feel guilty for having a bunch of fic printed out? yeah. idk if it's morally grey or wrong or ok these days#it started out as necessity because I didn't have a computer of my own and reading queer fic wasn't sth you could be too open about#(though I guess using up my dad's scrap paper piles that had math equations on one side may not have been the most inconspicuous)#anyway. sometimes I'll remember a story and I know I will be able to find it because my idiot teen self printed it out and filed it away#and sometimes it turns out you can't find that fic on ao3 because it's ffnet only. and worse sometimes it no longer exists online at all#and that makes me sad. but knowing someone deleted it and I still have a bootleg copy makes me feel guilty#so I guess I'm just stuck in this dual state#I think it beats the lingering sadness of wanting to reread a very specific story that's ingrained in your very being..#..and finding there is not a trace of it anywhere online#like. I KNOW that I read a Myka/Claudia story that had them holed up in a cabin somewhere hiding from some terrifying dude of sorts#(not that I remember the details) I just remember there being a lake and it being the story that got me into WH13#which.. was a fucking blessing. and I searched all of the place for that story years later#went through most of the Myka/Claudia fic and yet never found it again. and nobody I asked remembered it either#so maybe I dreamed it up? but I kinda doubt it. ANYWAY sometimes a fic filed away in an old folder is what saves your sanity
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"I have nothing to post :["
*checks IbisPaintX*
"Ohhhhhh-"
my only regret is not drawing more minecraft
#undertale#digital art#inksans#rottmnt#save rottmnt#dream sans#leo rottmnt#underswapsans#donnie rottmnt#original characters#a singular mem lol#my sona#guess which one is my sona hmmm I wonder#I'm just happy I managed to post smth#even if most of it is a year or so old lol
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My mother confuses the fuck out of me
#i guess she's getting severance checks from her old job?#i mean fuck that's the least they could do after she worked there for 40 years#she only gets 900 a month from my dad's SSI survivor benefits#she went from saying we're struggling financially to suddenly offering to pay for shit i need#that kinda scares me because i think that means she's impulsively spending her savings. which could mean she thinks she's gonna die soon#she's 64 and my dad died at almost 63#like she helped my sister buy my niece a car. it's a 24 year old vehicle and only costed 4k and she paid 2k but 2k is a LOT to us#she said she's been saving my rent money to fix my car for the past couple of months on top of me saving for it#which means we definitely have the money to fix everything by now#but that's not happening all my tires still need to be replaced my ac doesn't work it's making clinking sounds#it stalled while i was driving the other day but turning it off and restarting it fixes it#anyway. the thing is I'm always sus about my mom offering shit.#she likes to hold shit over your head.#I'm very worried that she's gonna fix my car and then use that to control me in some way. because that's how it is every time.#but like.....it's better than not having the help. fuck.#i feel so privileged despite how broke and disabled i am. bc most disabled people dont have this to fall back on#the craziest thing is that the only reason we have this house is bc of my grandparents' inheritance#and neither of them went to college my grandpa was in the army#and my grandma only temporarily worked for jc penney as a bookkeeper#side note my 80 year old grandma was better with computers than most elderly people are today#just from that job? from what i know#when she died my family sold the family house and that's how we put the down payment on this house#which btw only costed 64k in 2012 apparently it's worth 175k now according to zillow#but like. how. i feel like my family being white and christian is the only reason we have all this privilege#i have a headache bye#.bdo
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My hot take is that season 4 of the umbrella academy was good actually
#this is how i get cancelled lol#i have literally seen nothing but hate and negativity for it but i just watched the whole thing and i liked it so. fuck me i guess#everyone is a tragedy enjoyer until the tragedy comes and then all the sudden it's not okay for stories to not have happy endings anymore.#anyways you're all entitled to your own opinions but i thought it was solid. satisfying.#they spend the show fighting together to save the world#unknowing that they're causing it's repeated destruction and the answer is to stop fighting? let go together?!#and its part of the tragedy that they're collateral damage. of course it wasn't their fault! did romeo and juliet create the family fued?#you desperately want Reggie and Abigail to be the only ones who are punished because it was their fault the whole thing happened#but idk how to tell you this. the storyteller wants you to be sad so that you understand the consequences of the actions of those at fault.#that's the point#anywayyyy#wait I'm actually not done bitching yet.#saw someone complaining about how creepy five and lila's romance was because Aiden Gallagher is ''barely legal''#and like ohhhh my godddd stop. it is not okay to treat 20 year olds like children who can't make their own decisions. he's 20.#he'll be 21 in like two weeks. he's not a child. if you didn't like that plotline thats fine! just say that!#leave your weird virtue signaling about age gaps out of it#anyway. that's all.#the umbrella academy
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i think i posted abt this before but anyways i found this old "progress update!" drawing of mine on a discord server i use for saving stuff.. so i was like let me redraw it in 2023, a whole 3-4 yrs later
#pen & tablet drawing are like 1-2 weeks apart but whatever anyways i havent finished a sketch w/ my tablet since i got it#happy i didn’t just give up and erase the entire thing like i usually do. it makes me oddly happy#i’m still incredibly far from where i want to be‚ clearly‚ but i think 11 yr old me would freak the FUCK out if she saw me now#i don’t save my old drawings (except this i guess) so i don’t see the progress and i felt like i was just stuck at the same level lol#so i'm happy to see i've improved a bit over time :)#💭#edit: take a shot everytime i said the word happy
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Touch family trauma with my bare hands?
No.
Yu-Gi-Oh! & Linkin Park.
#you once saved me#idk this is just so... fallen back so far down into old issues#not about engagement/wedding trauma this time#but about family bringing the hammer down on you for daring to even think ''genocide bad''#& demanding obedience above all else -- where our ages range from 18-36!#We outnumber them tho - & we're still growing as we bring in dates & new spouses.#They're stuck at 11. We're up to 23.#...but they have all the power.#oh duh & forgot my brother & sil are on their side#oh & we're crazy & too sensitive when we say ''rape bad'' cuz i guess wait we got 2 or 3 of them on our side so those numbers still hold.#I'm the eldest. So I should lead my cousins.#But also--#I'm the eldest. I remember 22 good years that were nothing like this.#How do we get back...
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my about 10 years old computer p much finally broke down today (black screens every 10 to 20 minutes) and I can thankfully have an old computer from my dad for now which I think is better than my old one anyway but. I fon't think I'll be able to get my drawing program back :,)
#desperately trying to backup as much data as I can inbetween crashes atm but realistically I won't be able to save everything I don't think#not having a great time atm lads (gender neutral)#what does it say abt me that the first thing I saved was my sims save files lmao.#but hhhh idk if I'll be able to get all of my art stuff there's just So Much#Anyway art program wise I got rebelle at a recent sale so I guess?? I'm gonna try switching to that? sad#but literally so so so so happy I can judt have my dad's old pc i do NOT have money to get a replacement#marshall's thoughts
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if anyone has recs for 21+ bldrama, kdrama, or (bts-friendly) kpop discord servers that tolerate lurker-types and slow typers i'd appreciate a heads-up
#discord server self-destruct i guess is one of the hazards of current fandom#but gosh it makes me sad to see the record of all that enthusiasm and joy get wiped out#i can't blame the hosts or mods bc it is a sizable investment of effort and if it's no longer rewarding then that's that y'know#but to lose nearly two years of online experiences bc of drama i was never involved in (and mostly unaware of)#is a sincere downer#the show and cast and fandom surprisingly came to mean a lot to me#but i wasn't keeping pics or videos because there was SO much and it was all on the server anyway#this is the second overnight server-implosion in the past year#can't save much of anything bc it was more about the silly interactions and atmosphere#at least in the channels i frequented sigh#i really wish there was a way to orphan servers the way you can fics on ao3 or old forums#just set them to read-only or whatever but i guess the point of just snapping and shutting things down is to#erase all the drama rather than have it documented so i get it i'm just sad#spring and summer of 2022 was a stressful time personally but kp made it better#i hope there's a new server eventually but i think people are a bit gunshy now
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The recent fanfic asks reminded my of my old DAO writing -- which I never brought over to AO3 when I moved there from ff.net; I was still in the depths of my divorce with the franchise when that happened -- so I hopped over to ff.net for the first time in ages to glance at them.
... and I had never realized until now that, reading them, you'd think my main Warden was a Cousland 🤣
#don't get me wrong i did run an entire DAO+Awakening playthrough with cousland#but my main always has and always will be tabris#but i have like. absolutely zero writing on her lmaooooo#apparently the way 2010-hira's brain divided it was: tabris = art; cousland = fanfic#i never noticed#i guess to be fair i had been planning on an entire fancomic with my tabris' story before i noped out of the fandom#so maybe that's why; i'd been saving the writing on her for that? i honestly don't remember anymore#it was just very entertaining to realize lmao#anyway#now toying with the idea of bringing them over to AO3#but idk on the one hand it'd be nice to have all my stuff in one place#on the other... they're super old. and i'm still twitchy about DA#but i mean; i can always backdate them to their original publish dates so they won't be front and center...#maybe i'll just wait for a bit. see if this is just random nostalgia talking XD#withoutwords
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If I don't win the lottery or find an old person to leave me their entire fortune........... idk how I'm gonna do it haha
#I need a new car and I don't wanna be spoiled but I cannot keep buying 20 year old cars#I'm so goddamn tired of having to buy another one every few years bc OF COURSE it's gonna start breaking down after 200k miles#or replacing the battery. and the alternator. and this pipe or these filters or x part and y part and actually it's z part now#It's like. if I could just save the $200-500 I have to spend on my car every few months.. maybe I could afford another car by now#but no.#and every used car is just as expensive as a new car now. for what!!#tell me why people are selling 2013 mustangs for $30k. what the fuck dude. 100k miles and you want $30k.#and it's all of them. unless the car is literally falling apart. and then it's like 'I guess I can take $5k for it 🙄'#bitch you can take a goddamn pill cuz you are bonkers!!!#my car is nearing 300k miles now and idk what I'm gonna do lmfao. I can't afford a car payment. I'm gonna have to buy outright.#but I just do not have the money#it makes me sick
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You're more amazing than Battle
Been playing Monster Hunter recently and checked to see what my least-played weapon is and found out that I've played shockingly little hammer, so I spent the afternoon beating dragons to death with an exploding healing hammer :D
#asks#my least played melee weapon was charge blade which i kinda already knew#and i think lance was in 2nd place#but hammer surprised me by being pretty far behind the rest#and i thought longsword would be like 2nd or 3rd most played but nah#gunlance is of course my most-played#also i keep going through my old armor sets and seeing some truly baffling choices#armor pieces that are about as good as two level 1 slots. like what was i thinking?#i'm guessing that was before i used the save file editor to get 99 of every decoration so i was a lot more limited#of course the fact that the low-rarity armor is bad on purpose didn't help#but yeah the best way to play post-game monster hunter is with a save editor#for example i cheated to give myself a ton of money a while ago because grinding for money is stupid and boring#today i ran out of money so i gave myself even more money#it's like they don't even want me to have multiple equally-good loadouts and just want me to use the same equipment every hunt#dumb and boring#gathering materials and crafting equipment is satisfying early-game but i'm so deep in the post-game that i just want to play#more interested in figuring out optimal builds than getting the materials for those builds#ESPECIALLY when so much of the best armor is from kulve taroth. fuck that bullshit raid boss#so i cheat and now i have an evasion build to roll through attacks with perfectly-timed dodges :D#and a wide-range build to play healer! and a stun-proof build! and a poison build! and a truckload of fully-augmented weapons!#just a big fat box of toys to play with!#i don't cheat on all the materials but the drop rate on gems is so low and they ask for so many gems so i cheated a ton of them all#and the other materials i just. happen to have enough of through normal play. because i'm REALLY deep in the post-game
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my mom has been making me feel so incredibly bad for not spending all my time doing holiday decorations so last night i stayed up till like 3 in the morning to do some holiday stuff even after i had missed dinner because i was sick and then this morning she woke me up after barely 5 1/2 hours of sleep to make me help clean up before the cleaners get here and then accused me of faking crying because i mentioned one time that i CAN fake cry. not that i do. that i CAN. perhaps it's also worth noting that i have done the entire friday morning cleanup by myself for the past three weeks.
#post#I fucking hate living with old people it's like living with babies who think they're somehow superior to you in every way#yes we get cleaners because despite the fact that we're all poor they're all incompetent#and our one housemate starts fucking seizing if the house looks even the slightest bit unkempt#we would save so much money‚ not have to wake up early every other friday morning to tear apart the whole house‚ not have to lock up the#cats for 2 hours‚ be able to control how they put things back instead of having to rearrange everything‚ and still not descend into ferality#if collectively we could just do like. 6 simple household cleaning tasks.#but apparently I'm the only one in the house who cares so whatever!#and now that I'm awake I can't go back to sleep unless I commit to waking up at 3 in the afternoon#so I guess I'll just be tired and miserable all day and have to deal with my mom whining when i go to sleep early 😃
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