#so i'm glad if someone likes a fic i wrote regardless of that

[morningdawnknight]

if they leave a comment, its the least i can do. i write for an audience of one, myself. so if they could find what i wrote mildly interesting enough to comment, why wouldn't i show my appreciation?

Plot twist: Fanfic writers shouldn't only want more comments from readers. We should also want to reply to those comments. It's actually a two-way street.

The same way my heart breaks when readers don't comment enough or at all on my fanfics is the same way it breaks when I leave a comment on a beautiful fanfic I just read and the writer JUST DOESN'T REPLY.

Fanfic writers, the same way we love to get comments from our readers is the same way our readers appreciate our engagement when they actually do reach out(leave comments). Just like writers want to know readers' thoughts and feelings about a work, readers are also interested in knowing the writer's thoughts, inspiration, motivation, ideas etc.

I both write and read fanfics, so I felt the need to mention that the issue of not giving feedback actually exists on both ends of the writer-reader relationship

[twstbookclub]

Faded Away

SLIGHT SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7 INCLUDED; THIS IS AN AU. THIS IS SIDE A OF A TWO PART STORY. HERE IS SIDE B.

This is side A.

Inspired by Fade Away by Riley Baron Summary: Childhood friends with Malleus, you were even supposed to marry him. You'd call him your fiancé, but he'd shoot you down with a smile. One day, Maleficia would announce that you would no longer be engaged to Malleus, but you had already decided to renounce that before, so it was okay. For Malleus, after experiencing loss in his life, everything he adored before began to fade away. Pronouns: Gender Neutral POV: 2nd Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Malleus Draconia, Changed fate, Childhood friends to lovers, lovers to strangers, angst with a sad ending, hurt no comfort Word count: 3,961

A/N: … sigh. If someone had told me a year ago that I would write nearly 4,000 words for Malleus Draconia angst, I would've laughed in their face. Despite that, I wrote this for two days and edited it for another two. I fixated on this man for FOUR DAYS nonstop, listening to playlists about falling in love with your comfort character but then saying goodbye, and I am still not done. I am genuinely proud of this work. Out of the 7 years I have been writing fanfiction, I have never been so happy to say this is one of my best works. And I don't really like Malleus like that. Attack me all y'all want, I know book 7 spoilers, and I was his stan(not simp) until I found out the truth and had to take a step BACK. I don't know what I feel about him now, but as a Silver girlie, I need someone to take the pen away from Yana Toboso.

Regardless of my feelings, I am glad I could write this and that the story turned out amazing. As I said, I'm not done, and I have another fic posting as soon as this one drops, so don't stray too far.

On that note, thank you for waiting and reading this long, longer than I would like to admit story. Enjoy.

The horns of this child were small, but the eyes of another child were fascinated at the sight of such a mature boy. The boy’s name was Malleus Draconia, the future King of Briar Valley. You were told that you would become his fiance when you grew up. You could feel your heart instantly pound and become fond of this young royal. You had already known him prior, growing up around the same time, and your families were somewhat close. Still, you couldn’t have imagined being able to marry him later down the line. He was aloof and neutral as a child, speaking to you when you would talk to him and only if he had a response. You loved him that way, anyway. 

“You’re my… fiance?” 

“I am! Don’t worry; I won’t go anywhere if it’s not with you!”

“Hmm… Then I can accept that.”

Growing up as teenagers was slightly different. It took some years, but he would begin to warm up to you. He would smile occasionally and accept the way you would call him “my fiance”, but still turn you down for the time being. Witnessing him become stressed caused a pang of guilt in your heart. Still, you’d quickly dissipate the feeling by messing around and seeing him feel better with your company.

“My fiance should be calm the way he usually is. How can his kingdom stay calm if he is not?”

Malleus would usually stare at you after you said things like that, then respond with, “You’re right… Alright. I will do that, but I’m not your fiance.”

Then, like clockwork, you’d laugh at him before responding, “Okay, okay, Prince Malleus. Whatever you say.”

Now, Malleus finally returned from studying at Night Raven College and settled back into his past routine. It took some months, since now there were new things he needed to learn before he could become king. He would follow without a complaint, though.

He was standing in a throne room, checking on documents and plans for the kingdom. You would simply trot in with your hands behind your back as you would often do, admiring him as your shoes would click against the floor.

“My fiance is working so hard already?” You teased, being playful and wanting to catch his attention.

“I’m not your fiance.” Malleus would say with a concentrated tone, his gruff voice echoing through the large room as the sound of documents being flipped echoed. 

“Right. King Malleus.” You stopped walking to give him a bow and then approached his side. You moved your hand to cling to his arm, but knowing your behavior, he already had an arm out for you.

“Not king either. I haven’t had my coronation yet. Queen Malecifia is planning that as we speak,” Malleus spoke again, then set down the documents and turned to you, his hair slightly swaying with his movement. His green eyes stared down at you, and then he captured a slight smile on his lips. “What is it that you need from me?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to see you and waste your time. I truly hope I am a bother,” you spoke playfully and took one of the loose documents into your hands to read through it. Malleus quickly took the paper before you could get too far into reading it. Right. Kingdom affairs.

Malleus gives you a look before sighing and pulling a chair out. “If I let you touch my horns, could you let me work?” He spoke, moving to sit down beside where you were standing. You grew excited at the opportunity to play with his horns and instantly went quiet to do so. You stood behind him and carefully adjusted his hair while examining every detail of the feature in front of you.

The atmosphere was quiet yet peaceful. Time felt like it was still, pen scratching paper occasionally sounds through the large room. Your hands gently held his horns, caressing them to remind yourself of its sharp and enticing structure.

Memories of childhood played through your mind as you watched him read these documents, soft breaths coming from him as his focus never broke. You did this exact thing all the time with him, especially during his study hours.

“Why do you like my horns so much?” Malleus spoke, suddenly breaking the silence and surprising you out of your trance. You thought about it momentarily, trying to find the right words to explain it, but you couldn't find a single word for how. Instead, you explained it the best you could. 

“Hmm… I don’t know. There’s something about seeing these horns that gives me some reassurance. Relief that I can still be your future beloved.” you answered before fixing his hair again. Messing with him like this felt right. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, being his future partner was something of fate. There were others out there with royal status just like you. Queen Maleficia could’ve replaced or sent you away, but she hadn’t. You were thankful every time you saw his grandmother.

“I see… You’re an odd one,” Malleus spoke softly, a faint breath being heard from him as he felt your hands let go of him. “You let go. Is something the matter?”

Malleus noticed you stayed quiet but didn’t hear you move either. So, he turned around, his breath catching at what he saw. His eyes were met with your side profile, your lips curling into a grin. Your eyes reflected the light like glass, and your hands fell to his shoulders.

“It’s the first snow of the season,” you said, mesmerized by the view. Your quiet voice showed just how enchanted you were. Malleus had an idea of how others felt about the first snow. All he took in from when you explained the moment to him was how special it could be for lovers.

Every time the first snow would fall, he’d watch from the window of his study how you admired the snowflakes as if you’d never seen them before. He watched you do this for years as if it was routine. Hell, it would be weird if he didn’t see you out there. 

Malleus took your wrist and made his way out towards the courtyard. He’s the one taking you out there this time? You could only follow and keep your excitement at bay from his behavior.

Arriving outside, Malleus fixed your winter cape, ensuring you wouldn’t feel too cold. He leaned against a wall as you played and tried to catch the snowflakes. Your smile was as bright as the white sky, and he would just stand there, watching you without a word, but more as if he was in thought. 

You noticed this and took a moment to gather some snow from the ground, putting it behind your back before moving towards him. “Are you alright? You seem to be lost in thought,” you asked, making him snap out of his trance to look at you. 

“I’m fine. I’m simply reminded of my time at the college from seeing all this snow. Why do you a—” 

Crunch.

He sighed, keeping his eyes closed before saying one thing. “... Why?’

Malleus was cut off by the impact of a snowball hitting his face. The icy crystals caused his skin to feel colder than it already was. He wiped the snow off his face as he witnessed you begin to back away. Every step back from you was a step forward for him, and you noticed how he had a straight-faced expression. You laughed nervously and grabbed his wrists, trying to hold him back.

“I just wanted to get your attention, Malleus!” You tried to explain, yelping when he would tower over you, but you would only find it all amusing. Malleus would chuckle, grabbing and throwing snow at you, not aiming for your face like you had done to him. 

This went on for a few minutes, enjoying the back-and-forth attacks, while the snow piled onto the ground through the mid-winter day. At one point, Malleus would grab you by the waist to keep you from straying too far away from him. The gesture felt nice, but also intimate as he’d only do this to stop you from being clumsy.

You held onto his arms and stepped back slowly, moving towards a stone pillar, while your eyes didn’t leave him. You glanced between his eyes, lips, and the horns you loved seeing. Even after he held you against the cold stone, there wasn’t anything to worry about, but him.

You felt nervous while giving his arms a light squeeze, and he carefully brushed his cold fingertips against your cheek, making you relax with your head leaning into his slight touch. Soon, his hand cupped your cheek to tilt your head, keeping you in place this time.

Finally, your eyes stayed on his lips. His green eyes admired your features to remember them down to the last detail. Your mingled breaths hit each other’s faces from the close proximity, then Malleus leaned close, his lips inching closer to yours.

It was cut short, though. You turned to the sound of someone clearing their throat, but your body would stop what it was doing and let go of Malleus, instantly bowing at the sight of a familiar lady.

Malleus would turn around next. His breathing was slightly uneven from getting caught in the act, but he’d still bow and greet the woman in the courtyard with them.

“Queen Maleficia, what brings you out here during this weather?” Malleus began first, slowly coming up with you to stand correctly.

“It is good to see you, Queen Maleficia.” You followed after, giving Malleus’s grandmother a warm smile.

“Not much, my dear. I’m glad to see you taking a break,” Maleficia returned the greeting and gave a smile as well. She’d soon drop that expression, though. “I need to speak to you about something important.”

Your body would tense up again, and you took that as a cue to leave them alone, so you bowed and took a step forward. “I’ll leave you be, then—”

“You aren’t going anywhere. You are part of this too.” Maleficia spoke earnestly, and she rarely had to speak in such a way to you. The last time you heard those words was when she scolded you and Malleus for disappearing to Lilia’s home.

Those words always made you nervous, especially since they usually meant something was wrong. You could only turn around and smile again.

“Right. I apologize for my assumption, Your Majesty,” you said carefully, instantly seeing Malleus turn to you with a look of curiosity.

Standing before Queen Maleficia, now in her study, you held your hands as Malleus stood near the high bookshelves. His grandmother stared out of her window briefly before taking a breath.

“Malleus.” Queen Maleficia began to speak, turning around to face you and Malleus somberly. “Your coronation is being planned, as you know, but something must be done before you can become king. You know what that is, correct?”

Malleus grew confused, but his eyes would widen slightly once he understood. “Marriage. What of it?”

As soon as Malleus answered, the woman would look towards you and smile lightly. “That’s correct. What do you plan to do about that?”

You stare at Malleus briefly before looking at Maleficia again, then smile softly. “I do want to marry the prince. That has not changed since we were children.”

Maleficia looked away from you, and then she made her way to stand in front of you. “That, my child, is what I can no longer allow. I am sorry.” 

Your eyes widened, and you saw Malleus perk up at the corner of your eye. He was shocked as well. “What…?” Is that the only thing you could say?

“What are you talking about?” Malleus sounded off. You couldn’t look at him. Your eyes would stay on the Queen before you, still in disbelief. 

“This is the best course of action. Forgive me, my child.”

“Queen M—No. Grandmother, what in the world are you referring to? Answer me!” Malleus began to demand, moving you back and getting ahead of Maleficia.

“Malleus, believe me, this was not easy.”

“I did not ask if it was easy. I did not ask if you’ve thought of this for weeks or months. I asked for an explanation, grandmother,” Malleus spoke sternly, going against Maleficia, which he had not done before. Maleficia was growing angry, but she remained calm regardless.

“I am doing this for you, for the kingdom of Briar Valley; to end a war before it could begin. You will do your duty as the future ruler of this kingdom.”

“You think the kingdom can decide who will be my partner in marriage for the rest of my life? You did that when I was a child! I went along with it and accepted it the first time as it was!” Malleus also grew angry at the way the events were unfolding. He had accepted everything without complaint, but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut this time. This isn’t what he wanted.

“Now, Queen Maleficia, you wish to choose someone new? Someone I haven’t known my entire life and someone I cannot trust?”

“You will understand that as the future king. You do not need them as your fiance, and that is final. You will be marrying someone from another kingdom to stop us from going to war.” Maleficia had grown strict, firm even. Anyone else wouldn’t dare argue, not even you. You could only stay quiet from the words you were hearing. Your heart began to feel heavy from guilt as if it were a burden.

“What good will that do!? I do not need someone to help me run my life or the kingdom that will be under my wing some time from now!”

“I did it for you! I do not wish to see you become like your parents! You are my only grandson, and I lost your mother to war and the son, your father, I never had just before that. I raised you! Lilia and I were the ones who kept you alive. So, as your grandmother, I want you to keep yourself safe. Do this for yourself.” Maleficia was like a pleading mother. She needed Malleus to understand.

It was all so confusing to you. Malleus was trying to fight, but was it for you or him? Was it for his freedom? Did he love you? No. That couldn’t be it. You had to do something before he would do something drastic. You had to stop him before he could argue more.

Silence. 

Your hand wrapped around his own. Malleus froze from the sudden touch. “It’s okay,” you began softly, putting on a smile before looking up at Malleus.

The touch reminded you of when you snuck into his study as a teenager. You felt stressed once due to your studies and responsibilities becoming a large pile, and Malleus would hold your hand to put you at ease. He helped you with your studies by tutoring and keeping you focused, but concentrating was still difficult with your distant lover just inches away from you during that time. 

That short-lived memory was enough to make you agree to this. You loved him, but it was confusing. He was distant, but sometimes not. You loved him, but it was time. 

“Hey, Malleus?”

“Hmm?”

“What would it be like if I was only your friend, but never your fiance?”

A young Malleus had to think about that, but only one answer came to his mind.

“I would’ve figured out how to become your fiance again.”

Back to the decision before you, you smiled more before looking at Maleficia and squeezing Malleus’ hand lightly.

“I understand, Queen Maleficia. I apologize for no longer meeting your expectations,” you said respectfully. Malleus stared down at you with wide eyes, his hand starting to squeeze yours while it was still in his grasp.

“Don’t say that. You don’t need to do that—”

You shook your head and looked at him, clenching your free hand around his arm to cling to him. “I… wanted to talk to you, anyway. I’d call you my fiance, but you always turned me down. You said you simply accepted the necessity of my obligation as your lover. Now that we have to say our goodbyes, it worked out fine, did it not? I won’t fuss about this decision, as I have no say in the kingdom’s political matters. So, I will simply wish you happiness and good fortune in your marriage, Prince Malleus.”

“What are you talking about? You don’t know a thing.” Malleus whispered and took both of your hands into his, trying to keep himself calm in the midst of all of the mess. “I only rejected you because I wanted to properly propose to you. Only at the right moment between us and—”

“Hey… you don’t have to say any of that. You don’t need to. This is your kingdom. I am simply someone who had to be your lover.” Those words hurt for you to say, and Malleus looked… scared for once. In the time that you’d ever known him, he was the only person you loved. Malleus couldn’t let go of your hand or look away from you. You would disappear, he felt. Hearing those words come out of your mouth was painful enough as is.

You could only give him a bitter smile and force him to let go. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay,” you whisper and bow to Maleficia, then to Malleus. “Thank you. If you’ll excuse me.”

You smile once more before swiftly leaving before anything else could happen. The longer you walked, the more your legs felt like jelly. You didn’t know where you were going, but you just wanted to leave. You wanted nothing more but to go back and take back your words. To fight for Malleus. Yet, you would never go against the crown. 

Malleus simply stood there in disbelief with his eyes glued to the door. Maleficia reached out to her grandson, but as soon as her hand landed on his shoulder, he slapped it off. He looked at his grandmother with a look of nothing. Agony. A heart-wrenching anguish clouded his mind and judgment once you had left the room. 

He didn’t want the touch of anyone else but you. How could he lose you so easily? His whole life, he had always gotten what he wanted. Yet, the one time he asked, begged, and pleaded for something in his life, it was stripped away right before his fingertips. Malleus’ body was on auto-pilot from the harsh reality. Then, he moved out of the study, but when he looked up, his body froze at the sight of you running out of the castle.

It was all his fault. He didn’t fight hard enough. Now, he had lost you. How could the Seven betray him so? He never thought that it would be so easy to leave him. To abandon the memories just because someone else requested it.

Once you felt the harsh wind and snow, your eyes began to water. Soon, your heavy breaths turned into heaving sobs. Before you knew it, you found yourself in the forest. How did you even get here? How far did your tired legs get you? What torture could you endure in this state? Then…

Every memory with Malleus started to flash through your head.

Every dance.

Every laugh.

Every touch.

Every look.

Everything. 

Your heaving sobs became screams of heartbreak. Agonized cries echoed throughout the quiet and dark forest of Briar Valley. You couldn’t feel the cold anymore. The cold didn’t matter when it felt like you left a piece of yourself in the castle. 

Malleus leaned against the wall from the window that he watched you disappear from, closing his eyes when he could hear your cries despite how far you actually were. He couldn’t do anything to fix it this time, not when you were convinced.

Meeting his new fiance was unbearable for Malleus, but he tolerated it. He never remembered any interaction he had with the woman he was supposed to marry now. The wedding was memorable for everyone but him, and you weren’t there. He knew you wouldn’t be there, but he would still smile to himself when he remembered things.

But then it wasn’t too long, maybe a couple of years, until the kingdom celebrated Malleus and his coronation. Everyone with royal status and Malleus' close friends were invited to the after-party celebration. You went alone and stood on the balcony outside, listening to everyone enjoy their festivities. You hadn’t heard about Malleus since you last stepped foot here. It felt like forever ago.

“I didn’t think you would show up. Not after what happened the last time.”

The familiar voice made you perk up and turn around, seeing his tall figure standing at the curtain’s frame. You stood at the stone barricade and smiled slightly at Malleus, bowing to him.

“I didn’t think you would seek my company, King Malleus.”

“That title sounds… weird coming from you,” he admitted, making you both laugh. You look at the horizon to watch the setting sun, going quiet along with him. You had to break the silence.

“So, how are you and your queen?” You asked, causing Malleus to look at you. 

“She is fine. She’s expecting, so she’s taking care of herself instead,” Malleus said, being careful with his words, but you wanted to hide behind your old, playful attitude.

“You were quite fast, weren’t you?” You responded with a laugh, but you could feel your heart breaking already.

“It’s been about two years since we last conversed. I don’t think that’s too fast,” Malleus spoke casually, but you would notice how he looked at you somberly, almost as if he didn’t like it as much as you did.

“I see. I wish the Queen and your child a safe and easy journey.” You said quietly, sounding a bit melancholic. You had to force those words out, and Malleus simply nodded to accept your wishes.

His look made you narrow your eyes towards the ground, not wanting to look at him as you knew it would only cause you more heartbreak.

“Malleus…” You called out quietly, sighing and leaning against the stone.

“Don’t say anything,” he whispered, looking out into the horizon just like you did moments ago.

After a few minutes of silence, the sun had finally set, turning the sky dark with the moon’s light shining down on you and Malleus.

“Thank you,” you broke the silence first amidst the faint clamor of festivities behind you, “for the chance to be with you for so long.”

Malleus looked at you,  then you looked at him in return. These looks turned into stares. Stares felt like time froze. It was you and him again, and you wouldn’t want it any other way.

You engraved the details of his face into your head, and he was doing the same for you. When he broke the silence, the bubble around you two still hadn’t popped. 

“You were a wonderful experience,” he said sincerely, giving you a smile.

You smiled back, but before you could respond, others called Malleus over. He tried to stay there, but he was forced away. He was only able to take one more look at you before he disappeared. He faded away like a light swallowed by a deep darkness, which was so strange. It was only a change. 

You still kept your smile after he left. Now, you could say what you wanted.

“You were… everything.”

[silverview]

hI it just clocked for me that you wrote that tlw smut fic - absolutely loved it btw 👏🏼 ngl i'm just as fascinated about this episode as you are, and am honestly *obsessed* with your thoughts on it so please Tell Me More 👀

aahh thank you so much!!! i'm so glad you liked it!! 🥰 (for anyone who might be interested, my the last weekend fic is here, but obviously it's pretty dark so PLEASE read the warnings)

thank you for the opportunity to rant some more. i hope i'm coherent. if you have any thoughts yourself i would LOVE to hear them too!! and pls feel free to dm me any time about this or any other episode! (this goes for anyone, my dms are open, i am very friendly and i live to yap about shows)

actually, to talk more about tlw, i need to talk more about its similarity to simon says. at their cores, they are both interrogating what creators owe to fans, and they are both horror stories about what your fans might do to you if you disappoint them. if your work doesn’t please them, if you hurt their feelings online – what will the fans do? will they weave an elaborate web of lies around you, ruin your life, and trick/coerce you into sex? in these episodes they will!

nobody talks about how chas's punishment is in kind. i don't mean the nine years. i mean the specific nature of the punishment, the tables turned against him. "loving someone who hated you." he failed to honour the parasocial contract with his fans, and so he is subjected to the ultimate parasocial rejection. manipulated into caring deeply for someone, believing in a real mutual emotional connection, only to discover it was just a facade. that the person he loved never even said i love you back.

it's a dark revenge fantasy for the fan who's had (for example...) their tv comedian crush be a little mean to them on twitter. a nightmare for the tv comedian in question. i think, consciously or unconsciously, it's a very personal story for them and especially for reece, who is on the receiving end of a lot more obsessive fan behaviour and understandably has a much stronger reaction to it.

i mean, who's really being queerbaited in tlw? not the viewers, not in the traditional sense. chas is being irl queerbaited to death. some people say the deception was too obvious – that he shouldn't have accepted only seeing his partner on weekends, for example. but the humiliation of being easily deceived, of accepting scraps, is important to the punishment. like 🤡 when you let a showrunner transparently string you along.

a little over seven years ago, i sent some fanmail to one of my favourite creators, and we started dating. we are still happily together now, and i am still a fan. but the transition was hard. we self-aware parasociality enjoyers like to think we have things in perspective – that we know we're just projecting and we actually have no idea about the real, flawed human being who exists in private. but knowing that intellectually and being confronted with the reality of it are two very different things. creators and their fans, regardless of positive intentions or demographic similarity or anything else, inherently approach each other with different mindsets which inevitably create discomfort for one or both parties. it's a really interesting and fertile kind of dynamic and i think tlw and simon says are both fascinating explorations in that space.

i think simon says is reasonably authentic and respectful to the fan perspective (never forget they did enough research to drop their own ship name in the podcast about it 🫠) but i see it as a major oversight that simon's reaction to the mention of fanfiction is to say dismissively, "no, it's more sophisticated than that." my partner – who seven years ago would have been confused by or dismissive of this sort of fan culture, but who has learned a lot by living with me – turned to me and said, "a real fan wouldn't say that."

i don't have a neat segue here, i just have one more dumb thing i wanna add about tlw, i'm crazy about this comment from someone on reddit:

he is a prettyboy!! a very pretty boy!! 🥰 but here it's clearly being used as a euphemism for slutty, which i love. oh chas. you poor little pretty monster. you will always be famous. i wonder if reece would be more comfortable with his own attractiveness if he was handsome instead of pretty.

[dutifullylazybread]

I am so in love with your story Deeply and Immovably So. I am heavily invested, I am a bit embarrassed to say that right as I found your story I was writing my own fic falling into the same theme of Tav and Rolan living in the tower together. I am currently rewriting my story to make sure I keep our stories different.

I guess I wanted to ask you a question, how did you mange to write a story all in one go? I tend to write in fragments and post my chapters one at a time. I guess If you could give me some advice on writing series and how you approach it?

Your amazing and can't wait for the chapter update on Friday!

I'm so glad you like the story!! :D. I'm honestly not worried about there being similarities between our fics. One key point for Rolan's character is establishing a home for his family after what happens in Elturel. On top of that, Tav (even a Balduran Tav) doesn't actually have a home that we can ever visit, so gravitating towards staying in the tower makes a lot of sense! So if that is a big part of your story and it would be strongly affected by you changing that part of it, don't feel like you must make those revisions. I'd rather you be happy with where you story is than worry about similarities like that. Regardless, I'm really excited to read your fic! If you'd like, please drop me a link when you begin posting! :)

As far as how I wrote the fic all out? I won't lie, I haven't really ever thought about my process, so when you asked, I sorta resembled Patrick (more below the image, I promise!):

That being said though, I can definitely share how I wrote the fic and how I am working with the story now, but my big rule with writing is that writers should do what works best for them--what works for me might not necessarily work for someone else. So if what works best for you is posting as you finish chapters, then absolutely do that. There are some extremely talented writers in the Rolan x Tav corner that do the same or something similar. If you haven't read @underdark-dreams's A Strand to Climb, @lemonsrosesandlavender's Sharp Teeth, or @graysparrowao3's What If Rolan Was A Companion? I highly recommend them (and not just these fics--the rest of their repertoires are delicious too!).

This is my tl;dr for my explanation below--I can be super long-winded (I'm sorry about that!!). Like I said, this is what works for me, but if you don't think these things jive with you, then do what you feel is best for you and your story. :)

Write the story out first. Don't edit until you have finished the fic.

If you run into a writing wall, work on a different scene and come back later.

While it's fun to add in details, a lot of that can be supplied during your editing/revisions stages. Worrying too much about this can bog you down when you're in the middle of writing.

Don't immediately jump into editing your story after finishing a chapter. Take anywhere from a few days to a week to let the draft sit before you work on it again.

Avoid burnout - take care of yourself and take brain breaks.

Here are the longer explanations:

Write the story out first. Don't edit until you have finished writing the fic.

I started writing the Rolan x Tav story as my NaNoWriMo project back in November and I kept working on it through December. For those who may not be familiar, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, and the goal is to write 50,000 words in a month. These do not have to be good words, they just have to be words on a page. So already out of the gate, I knew that, if I wrote this fic, it might not be well-written at first, but it would be a story. I had to give myself permission to write a bad draft, basically, and that is sometimes the hardest thing in the world (I am still irked by it). If you're anything like me, the thought of not having perfection on the page during a first writing pass feels awful. BUT I do sincerely believe it is why I wrote as much as I did in two months. Because I just focused on writing and not editing. And, if I could tell I was getting close to hitting a wall, I would make a note in my manuscript to come back, and then I'd keep writing the chapter. My notes are parentheses that basically say (Add more detail here), (make scene more sexy), (Review dialogue exchange). It's really weird to write down, but when I'm writing and struggling, it honestly feels like my brain is coming up against an actual wall. Basically, I'm giving myself a headache. BUT this is my warning sign to come back later, because I'm getting too lost in the weeds and I won't be happy with the end result of whatever I force out.

2. If you run into a writing wall, work on a different scene and come back later.

The rationale for coming back and working through the wall later comes from a combination of reasons: 1) From past experience, forcing myself through a block can work, but it is the most agonizing experience ever. And it is exhausting. Writing can be exhausting, that is okay. BUT, what if I force myself through the block and then I'm unhappy with the result? For me personally, pushing against a block/wall can feed into burnout. So 2) it's better to take a break and work on a part of the story that I am excited to pursue and then revisit the wall later, because 3) if you let yourself take a brain break, you're going to come back and find that the wall isn't really a wall anymore. If anything, it's a really fun idea. You just needed to come back when the lighting was different.

3. While it's fun to add in details, a lot of that can be supplied during your editing/revisions stages. Worrying too much about this can bog you down when you're in the middle of writing.

I find that, while I am in the drafting stages, I often write at a pelt. I do my best to write the first draft well, but I write so quickly that I might not pause to ask, "So what does the setting look like exactly? What color is the sky? How does the Chionthar look at this moment? What does it smell like?" Some of those details might make it in while I'm drafting, but I think that I focus in on those during editing/revision, because that is when I let myself slow down and focus on the details.

4. Don't immediately jump into editing your story after finishing a chapter. Take anywhere from a few days to a week to let the draft sit before you work on it again.

Due to how I wrote this fic, I didn't actually revisit a lot of these chapters until about a month or two later. And that has led to a combination of "Hey, this isn't too bad," to "What were you thinking??" BUT, I do sit quite firmly in the camp that taking a few days to just breathe and not immediately jumping into editing helped give me a fresh perspective. When we spend so much time working on our stories, it goes without saying that we are very close to what we are working on, and sometimes that can work against us. SO, putting some distance between yourself and the chapter in question can help you identify what needs to be cleaned up/revised when you return to it.

5. Avoid burnout - take care of yourself and take brain breaks.

In my experience, one thing that stopped me from working on long fics was burnout. For previous fanfic projects I tried to work on, all of my free time would be poured into writing, and not a lot of it would be used to relax. I would work on these stories nonstop. I would argue that this is probably why several long-form fanfictions don't get finished by several writers (and that's not even considering how school, work, and family obligations might also take a toll on your energy). The last thing you want is to feel apathetic or frustrated over the thought of working on your story, so taking the time to relax and take care of yourself. While I think having a writing habit is extremely helpful, I also think taking an evening to just relax once a week is just as nice. Typically, I start writing around 7 pm every night, and I'll wrap up around 10:30 pm - 11:00 pm. BUT, I don't do any intense work on Mondays (since that is D&D night in my house).

I hope that this helps! But again, do what you think is best for you. I'm super excited to read your fic!!! :D

[alkalinefrog]

Hiya Alka! I just finished what you have up of your Arthuriana AU for HiJack- it blew my socks off!

I study medieval literature as part of my undergrad degree and I was astounded that you included Yvain's story with the lion! He's such an underappreciated knight! And the queer themes with both that tale and Gawain and the Green Knight? AND that Gawain appears in Yvain's tale? *chef's kiss* (is this foreshadowing?)

Thank you for your writing- it's clear that you are extremely talented and that you work extraordinarily hard on what you put out!

I hope you are having a great day!

AWWW Thank you so much omg!!! I'm so glad to hear that you like the Arthurian aspects of it already, especially if you're studying it, WOW!!

Oh thank god I'm not just projecting my own queer themes on them, I'm glad to hear confirmation of that from someone else LMAO. Regardless, I was ready to bastardize them into being gay, but I'M GLAD THERE'S A REAL BASIS TO IT.

Yeah dude!!! When I was first going into this AU I only knew about the basic story with Arthur and the love triangle and Mordred and all that, so this is the first time I'm reading into more of the knights and general lore! I started off by reading "King Arthur" by Daniel Mersey, which I found as an e-book at the library and that was a really great digestible intro to all the different historical origins of the story. It also had a lot of different mentions to the stories about the other knights, so I wrote a list down that I want to read more into (and am still reading into lol). Sir Yvain IMMEDIATELY became one of my faves because of that friendship, and I'm waiting on my hold on the "Sir Yvain: The Knight of the Lion" graphic novel by MT Anderson and Andrea Offermann to look at it more in depth!

Actually I completely forgot that Gawain makes an appearance in Yvain's story too aslfdjasldkfjlkasfdj I'M STILL NEW TO THIS LMAO. I'm not gonna be able to read up about everyone in depth, so it's been a lot of wikipedia article jumping so far!

If you have any book recs (preferably more accessible ones for beginners lol), I'd love to hear them! I'm like, intentionally avoiding watching BBC's Merlin because I want the fic to be its own separate take on the source material and I feel like it'll spoil the fun of researching for me lol. I might watch it after I get a better sense of what the plan is!

I can not confirm or deny what's being foreshadowed, but there's a reason I'm making you read through a bunch of bad live-theatre LMFAO.

Thank you so much for swinging by dude!! This made me really happy to read!

[sugarskies]

hey!! just wanted to thank you for writing the deca because it is genuinely one of my favorite things in the world. i very fondly remember last summer, when me and my friend first discovered the fic and would stay up until like 3 am texting each other about it and, quite honestly, going insane over jelpax and drax. i have shed many a tear over it and yet i continue to go back and reread it regardless of how sad it is at times.

also, you are fucking amazing at writing characters and their struggles and such. i feel so seen by each and every one of the deca and how you portray them. jelpax is literally me, i’m afraid. also, i thought you wrote drax’s panic attacks and sh and such suuuper realistically (as someone who, unfortunately, has a lot of experience with both.)

but yeah. i’m fucking insane about doctor who in general, but this fic will probably always be my favorite part of the fandom.

so sorry if this doesn’t make sense!! i’m very tired and should probably be asleep rn but oh well. but yeah i just love you and your fic and your writing and the deca very much!!!

hi and thank YOU. this message genuinely means the world to me. recently i've been struggling to produce content because i am just not satisfied with anything i write but it's asks like this that inspire me to keep going. i'm so glad that you (and your friend!) have enjoyed the fic so much. hearing that is the most rewarding part of what i do.

characterization is one of the most difficult parts of writing this story so knowing you enjoy how i write them is so important too. and their dynamics. drax and jelpax are really one of my favorites to write in any project i've worked on over the yesrs. and i'd like to mention i also have experience with everything i choose to write about (well, when it comes to real world issues, can't honestly say i've experienced the life of a young gallifreyan). panic attacks most personally. i portray what i experience and sometimes i fear i get a bit inside my head so knowing others relate helps me understand whether i've translated my experiences well. thank you for sharing yours.

this absolutely makes sense and thank you so much for taking the time to read the fic and write to me. i am honored my fic is your favorite thing in such an enormous fandom. 💖

[hopetorun]

tagged by @bropunzeling and @postoperation 💕

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason.

first fic (on ao3): perspective, a star wars (legends) eu rarepair fic that i wrote for yuletide in 2011 that honestly was like pulling teeth at the time and i don’t think i’ve ever reread. i crossposted and then deleted some social network fic but i honestly don’t remember if i ever backdated any of it correctly anyway so this is probably the first one regardless since i got an ao3 specifically to participate in yuletide in 2011

last fic: make a better mistake, the brady/quinn home by now timestamp i put on here the other day. i don’t have much to say about this really except that it was fun to write out one of the bits of their backstory, which i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about

fic for a fandom/ship i only wrote once: don’t read the last page, broadchurch pornography i wrote in the year of someone’s lord 2021 after rewatching because my mom hadn’t seen it and wanted to. i wrote so much het porn in 2021 and yet i still can barely bring myself to write any of the common slang terms for vagina 💀

favorite fic in the fandom/ship with the most works: well in the summer of 2012 i was possessed by demons and wrote two then-avengers/now-mcu fics but i can’t say i like either of them. i guess i think this one is better, if pressed. honestly i don't feel a need to delete them but i am glad that no one ever seems to read them lol

fic i wish more people read: the sky is big enough, which i feel like i've said before! i really like how it came together but dropping 15k unannounced and unheralded on a medium-sized fandom and peacing out isn't exactly the best way to attract readers 😂 at least it exists for me to pretend is part of the game of thrones canon

fic you agonized over the most: this is kind of a toss-up. on the one hand, it took me the better part of six months to write preference, which clocks in at a not actually all that long 37k, because for mysterious reasons it was just a really slow story for me to pick through and i had to put a lot of thought into what i could do with each scene since the structure (which i imposed on myself btw. i made this problem) is so limiting. on the other hand the actual writing sessions for home by now were easy and productive but the story took ten whole entire months of my life, a major characterization revision just under halfway through, and a major pacing evening-out three quarters of the way through. both involved a lot of crying about whether the story was actually good.

fic that sprang fully formed from my mind without any effort: okay this is a throwback and also such a rarepair as in the only fic in the tag but years ago i wrote jt compher/his college teammate kevin lohan and it was just such an enjoyable story to write because i had a clear vision of the arc and it came together neatly and the non-linear structure meant i got to play with some fun juxtaposition. anyway: instructions for dancing

a story i'm proud of: this is not the end. was this a ridiculous thing to write in any year, much less the year 2020? sure. but write it i did, and it was the first novel-length story i ever successfully wrote, much less completed and edited and posted. and i think it's a nice story! proud of myself for getting over the long story hump and proud of myself for doing it while also doing graduate school. and proud of myself for finding something to do with my time so that my entire life didn't just become work and grad school in 2020.

[lookinghalfacorpse]

i've been stuck in bed for a while with a perennial fatigue issue and it's nice to have your fics to read. not a lot of fic out there where the main character's stuck in bed a lot of the time. i really appreciate it <3 (ps if you have any fic recs... especially for stuff like you write... eyes emoji)

thanks, and best wishes to you :) i'm glad to hear that. sometimes it helps to read about characters who are in recovery, esp characters who are struggling to recover or are deemed "unworthy" of recovery (whether others have deemed that, or they've deemed it themselves. or both). you're always worthy of recovery, and of being patient with yourself as you do pursue it.

honestly, most of my biggest fic inspirations are outside of the dsmp fandom..... i brought a lot of the tropes that i loved from my past fandoms and applied them here. i had some other ppl ask me for those fic titles regardless, so i'll put them under a cut if anyone is interested. some are dsmp, some are not.

raise me up and pray for forgiveness by caydiink (dsmp): i love fics that contemplate severe medical situations, and here's one where cdream is immortal and has been drowning for 15 years. reading this in the middle of planning veteri-mycosis convinced me to go further with the body horror.

awakening by jr_filiux (devilman): this is literally just my own fic i'm sorry ;-; it was pretty successful and i carried some ideas from it into itwall. basically, a character sprouts wings overnight and it's painful and terrible, and just when they think it's over, more keep growing.

the color red by rifa (dragon age 2): cdream enjoyers (and prison arc enjoyers specifically) would like fenris, and i will die on that hill. red lyrium is an infectious, crystal-like material, and this fic is a cool look at how it functions, how a major infection would effect someone, and what recovery might look like for them. you would notice some similarities with veteri-mycosis.

the phantom's curse by gen (ace attorney): lawyers in a pirate au. awesome plotwork, and i was OBSESSED with the last few chapters. almost wrote a fic inspired by it where i went into more detail. if you read it, you'll see what i mean.

[priafey]

I wanted to let you know that your detailed critique of Gwilin fics has inspired me to give better criticism and that your love for Gwilin has been transferred to me - I’m feral for him now

NO WAYYY SOMEONE IS ASS-DEEP IN MY BLOG READING THOSE THANGS??? 😭😭 You honor me...

I'm glad you've gotten something out of them!! I wrote them with a lot of love and care. I feel that sometimes fanfic authors want their work to be treated with the same esteem as more traditional works of literature, but are quick to shy away or outright reject the opportunity to receive and respond to structured, systematic criticism. Which, y'know, there's no rule that says you have to entertain such criticism, but, when you do, you have a greater chance of perfecting your craft, which is all anyone can hope to do with their art. Not for money or so you can achieve some standard, personal or societal or otherwise, of what an 'improved' version of your art would look like, but so you can better convey what it is you hope to convey. Goodness knows some people can get really out of pocket with the things they say in response to art, though, so the apprehension is understandable.

That being said, there are few more satisfying feelings than knowing you're getting better at being able to transmit your vision to others. That doesn't mean others won't misunderstand or misinterpret your art, just that you'll achieve an ever-greater understanding of what effect you can create in an audience through it. Best way to do that is through self-revision and, yes, engagement with criticism.

(As a bonus, if you don't take yourself too darn seriously, you can even find artistic gratification in how your work is misconstrued xD lol)

I kept a light touch for a lot of the reviews for that very reason. Sometimes I fear people conflate honest, well-intentioned feedback with someone attacking their work or their vision for their art, and this can be especially true if the art was a means for them to work through some personal issue they have (like traumas or insecurities) or present their viewpoint of the world–or both. And I get it! I do that in my own fics, as well (as do basically all writers, regardless of medium). But art is not sacred. And 'each artist knows themself best, and has the best conception of what social function their art embodies' is not a useful, or even truthful, viewpoint. When artistic purity is enshrined as an unknowable ideal towards which to strive, everyone suffers, and a great richness and nuance is lost in our creation and understanding of art, how it develops, and how its function changes over time.

Suffice to say, art has become collaboration. The artist is no longer in the spotlight, which may sound harsh to some, but to me it means they need not bear the brunt of their 'performance' on their lonesome any longer. They are not to be put on a pedestal, nor to be trampled. Instead, they should invite a few folks from the audience to come up and tell a story with them. After all, they already do, whether they mean to or not.

[clood]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

MUAHAHAH time to be super annoying >:3c [copies and pastes the ones i've answered via ask]

1. How many words have you written this year? me: sees this question and immediately whips out the phone calculator this year i wrote 39,118 words! nowhere near as much as the freakish anomaly that was 2022, but still nothing to sneeze at ;) this is also not counting a SECRET WORK that i cannot reveal yet... that puts me at 41,208 heehee

2.How many works did you publish this year?

a nice, even 10!

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

because of the nature of the reverse bang and getting to create a fic for someone else's art, i am very proud of both rose-tinted and play pretend. particularly play pretend, because i think i achieved the princess bride vibe i was going for.

then of course i am so proud of myself for venturing into the one piece world with i'll leave it to you, which i don't consider to be good very at all but it marks the point where i took a little leap and shared something in a new space! growth!

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

only human, no contest. such is the nature of multichapter and big bang works xD

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

i'll leave it to you was so unexpected! with hxh being a relatively quieter fandom, i had no idea i would get as much engagement on a silly little oneshot in the one piece fandom as i did. bizarre.

goes to show that metrics like kudos and comments and hits are all fake and you should just write what makes you happy.

6. Favorite title you used

not so bad (after all) is such a good, classic something (something else) ao3 title xD

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

y'all. i'm being so for real when i tell you i am SHOCKED AND AMAZED at the fact that i did not use one single song lyric this year. what happened.

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

LEOPIKA!!! you can tell i was in a leorio phase this year

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

LEOPIKAAAA!!! see above ;)

10. What work was the quickest to write?

the figurine disaster came so quick because it was so fucking funny in my head xD

11. What work took you the longest to write?

longest because of its length would obvi be only human. longest in terms of the emotional toll it took for me to figure out what the hell i was doing is nearly a tie between not so bad (after all) and play pretend.

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

hmmm only the one that's been sitting in my wips for nearly 3 years now. librarian/florist au i will destroy you.

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

my longest work this year is my hxhbb fic, only human, which sits at 16,724 words.

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

omg so fun. conversely, my shortest work this year is the figurine disaster, a fic written for the greed island challenge server i help shal and liv run! this one has 1,221 words.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

please see question 12 orz

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

y'all i am so shit at tagging things on ao3. tie between fluff and missing scene, which only have 2 works each xD

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

LEORIO!!!!! i had so much fun with leorio this year, i'm so glad i found my rhythm with him this year because every fic with him has been so much fun to think about.

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

oof i think i butchered melody, tbh. not so bad (after all) was SO HARD to write because i didn't know who the hell melody was deep inside the way i felt i did leorio, so it feels really unbalanced imo. however, i am still proud of that work and i think the one person it was written for enjoyed it, so that's all that matters!

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

leozep... more zosan... shuggy... i read this question wrong and therefore will not choose one

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

through sheer force of will in editing, i suppose only human.

through the absolute giddiness of entering a new fandom, i'll leave it to you.

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

495. fic with most kudos was full bloom, merokomu fans have good taste

22. Which work has the most comments?

only human, as my only multichapter fic this year

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

if reverse bb fics count, then yes: rose-tinted and play pretend. otherwise, not this year!

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

yes!!!!! rose-tinted, play pretend, whisper in the wind, girl stuff, full bloom, and housewarming! 60% of this year's fics were gifted!

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

YES SOBS. my dear sweet selkie wrote me THREE gifts this year and then some friends in the greed island server came together with gifts!!! for mods!! where Fathomless_Crazy wrote Paint This Paling Town and i wept about it

26. What’s your most common category?

M/M lmao with gen in second place

27. What do you listen to while writing?

i think this year i was a total weirdo and sat in silence. i do have a tunes for typing playlist though with no words to distract me that's just a mix of classical, videogame and anime soundtracks, and some random lofi

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

maybe rose-tinted? or honestly the figurine disaster was kind of funny. although i did really have fun with i'll leave it to you. GAH.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

oh christ. after brief reflection, i think the following chunk from my most recent fic and foray into the one piece fandom, i'll leave it to you, wins. the drama!! the angst!!

The reality is, Sanji has no idea what he’s doing, or even if he’s helping Zoro or just making everything worse. His hands, his goddamn fucking hands still tremble, and no amount of nicotine can help him now and—god fucking dammit Zoro is just bleeding through all the bandages Sanji is wrapping around him, staining a silk tiger crimson. So he keeps wrapping. There is nothing left for him to do but use up all the goddamn bandages he has. Sanji isn’t a god-fearing man, but as he works he is praying to whatever gods favor Wano—or don't, given what he’s seen of this desolate country—that he isn’t paralyzing or killing Zoro as he works.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

probably that i didn't do very much of it this year! i don't know where all the time went... through this it was a pleasant surprise to find that over half of my fics this year were gifts, so that's fun!

PHEW. now i cast the plague upon ye and tag everyone in the world who sees this to do it too :)

[matchavellichor]

one thing about hopeless is that it is really potent with emotion. i rarely have physiological responses to the things i read, but i have felt actual physical pain in reaction to specific lines and scenes you wrote in that fic. you have a gift! it’s understandable to not be pleased with your earlier works as a writer but honestly i never would have imagined that the author felt that way as i was reading it — and i say this as someone who is very particular about what i read. i think you have a talent for drawing readers in with your voice regardless of anything else!

that is so so kind, thank you for this. it's comments like these that motivate me to finish the fic, even if i personally don't lke it.

i'm so glad my writing could inspire emotion in you ❤️

[yandere-sins]

💫💥✨

Share your authorial secrets 👀

The secret is, I'm an open book lol (pun intended) xD

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Mhmm, I mean all comments are good comments and there's no right away! I do get really giddy tho when someone talks about their experience while reading the story! It's an awesome exchange of opinions from writer to reader and I love to hear the thoughts that came from certain parts of the story and the parts that stuck/resonated with the reader. Comments in general are very wholesome ♥

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

That is actually really hard on tumblr, but hmmm, to my least liked posts: Thanks for existing. I know you provided some much needed exercise and I am glad I wrote you regardless of your notes ♥

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

Okay, this will sound weird bc by now the post has over 200 notes which is normal since Genshin is very high in demand, so over time it'll still get notes and be seen. But when I posted it, it was very badly received (probably got lost in the tags and it was quite long so not everyone had the time or patient to read it) and I put so much effort in and love it so much that I wish I could give it another showcase!

It's this Pantalone piece I wrote for the Prison Project.

Thank you for asking ♥

[Ask game]

[sleepyowlwrites]

38 and 39 for the writer asks

38 I answered already and basically I said that I also think it's crazy that I write best when I'm going by the seat of my pants. like, just really, really pantsing it. NO plot, JUST vibes will get me the farthest into a story than any worldbuilding, brainstorming, outlining, or character sheet-ing will.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

I only felt like giving up the one time. and I did. I took a break. I also went to college during that time, so personally I think that was a very good reason to take the break separate from how nothing was working out the way I wanted it to, but yeah. I didn't write original fiction - minus a couple of shorts - for six years. I took a break for a couple years and then started writing fanfiction, which was a fantastic time. I built my original tumblr following with my fanfics, and I actually just had a spam of comments on ao3 from someone finding my fics and enjoying them. in 2018 I started writing original fiction again and I've been going reasonably steady since then - with the exception of November-December since 2020 because I'm too exhausted to write anything during those months.

nothing makes me want to stop writing anymore. this is, I think, due to a few factors.

a) I feel very positively about my writing. I don't always like it. I don't always think it's good, but I always feel positively about it in the sense that I'm glad I've written, I'm glad I'm writing. I don't get discouraged by crap first draft stuff. I also don't really write crap anymore, at the level I'm at. I write decent first draft stuff. not always coherent or going anywhere, but not bad. so it's easier to feel positive about it, but even if it were bad, I still wouldn't dislike it.

b) I write for me. my target audience is me. there is no purpose to my writing higher than the fact that I would like to read it, and right under the purpose is the fact that I enjoy the act of writing enough that regardless of quality, it is always a worthwhile pastime. there are no due dates, there are no rush orders, nothing is keeping me to being a writer except that I want to be. I write for me, because I like it.

c) if I need to take a break, if I'm getting burnt out, or if I'm just generally tired, I'll just do that. I won't write. I won't write plot, anyway. I might write character stats, or ideas, or set dressing, or vibes. or nothing. I'll just think about it. again, it's all for me, I've got the time to rest before I continue.

d) if I come to a point where something I've been work on isn't currently working any longer, I'll put it aside. by now you must know I have so many projects. I flounder if I try to work on only one wip at a time, and so I have current projects, backburner projects, lost in the shuffle projects, barely formed concepts, blank books, all kinds of stuff. there's always something new or reused that I can think about. I don't feel guilty about putting something down and picking up something new. soon enough I'll be picking up that old thing again.

I haven't worked on summon story in a bit because it wasn't working. so I was ruminating about guild story and answering asks about city story and I wrote that scene for apocalypse story. and then! I figured out what was going on with summon story! it was the tone. it wasn't goofy enough. I was trying to shove a plot in where it wasn't wanted. I know how I want to write it now. so I can, whenever I've got the spoons. and the soup. the brain soup.

thanks for asking, Rainstorm!

[ohraicodoll]

Thank you so much for Red. It’s crazy how much I relate to her. We don’t live in a post apocalyptic world but we all live in our own worlds and sometimes it can feel like us vs them which Red helps me to navigate. She has helped me to feel less ashamed about the way my brain has turned out.

She’s so cathartic and has shown me that even when someone is as rough and ready, or completely rejecting of anything good that comes their way because they ‘don’t deserve it’ or that they will wreck it that some people could them her regardless. If that makes sense.

I especially love the new Tommy x Red friend post that just made me feel so fucking validated again! The way that Red has unusual ways of showing her love/gratitude and the people in her life just try to understand it until they do with no questioning!? To be loved in a way that is so accommodating and significant blows my mind. I know you’re writing fiction but sometimes discovering that this very specific thing is addressed and taken care of by another human being in the world is insane and has given me a bit of hope for my future.

It’s so soothing and Cathartic to read your work . I spent some of my childhood in survival mode and it never truly leaves you. You’ve written it so realistically I am in amazement with every piece of the puzzle you post.

I wish I had an ounce of your talent so that I could explain my love and gratitude for you in a way that was comprehensible. I’m sorry, I just had to say something now though, I’ve been having a weird couple of days and your writing is one of my only forms of escapism.

I am so interested in what inspired you to create such a specifically complex female character like her. I consume a lot of media, have read and literally studied the new era of woman (still hard to give them a specific name) and no character has ever come close to Red. Your talent blows my mind.

Thank you Sam.

Oh goodness, did you make me cry ❤❤

I'm so glad you feel seen and feel a bit of representation and catharsis with her. That's just all I can hope is that you all love the characters I create and the stories as much as I do. You've all kept me motivated and inspired to write her (especially as fast as I have haha).

The idea about Red came because I kinda got tired of only finding pure smut or timid characters in the TLOU fic tag. I love both but Tess was not timid and was more the dominant in the relationship. And I fully get that Joel radiates "I'll take care of you" dom energy but at this point in the apocalypse I doubt there would be many people left that didn't have some aggression in them or that need taking care of. I love character analysis too much to do the same type of character.

I've always been drawn to rage characters. I wrote a whole book series when I was a teen centered around one. And I think I wanted to go back to that since my character in my Sandman series is the opposite. Dahlia is an exploration of trauma responses, especially around acts of anger because that's what I experience. But I started writing with action and violence and someone who is angry all the time and motivated by rage and I wanted to go back to it because writing a character that lacks the moral responses to killing is fascinating. So often we get characters that regret or are remorseful around killing and I don't think that's Joel.

So it was a combo of just writing someone who doesn't regret her violence, doesn't regret killing, and has been alone in the wild for a long time focused only on surviving that they never thought they'd get more. Someone who is accepted for their violence and rage. And that's Red. She is a bunch of fractured pieces held together with string with no coping skills and Joel and Ellie love her either way.

There's the her before the Outbreak, the her that was broken by her sister (who she sees in Ellie), there's the her that was with her group, the her after being alone for years and years, and then the her with Joel and Ellie. Joel never shies away from her and may actually be drawn to her more because of it since there's a piece of that in him. This story is about being seen and accepting your ugliness.

I think being able to jump all over her timeline and continuously build her has been so wonderful and fun. Requests and prompts have been great in building her (though I do change some to make sure they fit the world and who she is). I fully acknowledge she's not a reader but an OC but I cannot write a character who is a blank slate because your past and history dictate your personality and actions (and tbh, most Readers are actually OC's without names or descriptions. I'm old, the x Reader/You thing is new but also just a relabeling of OC's)

I don't know how other writers write, but these characters fully inhabit me when I focus on them. It's why it's hard to switch between stories and characters at time because I can only see through their eyes. I feel their natural body movements, their conversations flow in my head and usually I have to race to write them down somewhere for later. Red is very much a part of me and it's been a joy to explore her and bring her to you all.

So much love and thankfulness to you all ❤❤

[ultfreakme]

I am here to talk about one of my favourite fics: Tell The Neighbors I’m Not Sorry! It’s such a good fic that I keep rereading over and over

And I’m wondering now, how did you first come up with the idea? Did you expect the fic to turn out this long? Just go off about it!

Thank you so much for the ask!! I'm so glad you love that fic and enjoy it, it's always nice to hear when smthg i made brings joy. fdjhh idk how to respond properly but thanks again.

Back when I wrote it I was very frustrated with how people were reacting to SOKE and Jon. There was homophobia from major media outlets, YouTube, haters on SNS who kept nitpicking. As a queer person, it was frustrating seeing someone who shares my identity being ostracized so terribly. But Superman is always meant to fight against the hate and rise above it, and I needed to make my Superman, the first Superman whose stories I read, to do the same.

So I took all the irl hate and reactions and used Jon & Jay to show the queer experience when faced with such scrutiny. In that spirit, I wanted them to not back down regardless of the hate. I wanted Jon to be bold and unapologetic about who he is and define his own story, especially in terms of his queerness. I was getting tired of fighting with homophobes and bigots on twitter, so I channeled the anger and frustration into the fic.

I also wanted to do the same for Jay. It was a side-focus but Jay's character still faces a lot of microaggression & racism. No one trusts him when all he wanted to do was fight to free his country. It really reminded me of how POC & immigrants are just, generally seen as the "other'. Never trusted or taken into regard no matter how much they prove themselves. Ostracized for existing.

So the fic was me directly addressing all the unfounded hate SOKE, Jon & Jay receive. Establishing them and being like "This is who they are, deal with it and if you can't, then that's your problem." It was with regards to Jon's queerness, Jay's background, Jon's age-up.It was about the characters and about irl queer and POC. We're here.

When I first got the idea for the fic it was supposed to be a cute short story about how the citizens of Metropolis and everyone were getting tired of JayJon's PDA lol. Like a social media fic that leads to an interview where they're being cute on TV. But I put off writing it for a while, and by the time I got to it, the tone completely changed. I knew I wanted it to be a one-shot though.....the length surprised me in the end lol.

Thanks for allowing me to ramble. Have a nice day~~

[x-authorship-x]

3. The best character you've written for: This is just bait because clearly the answer here is Shisui, although that being said your Mikoto is gorgeous and amazing and I love her so much.

9. A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting I'm always ecstatic when I see an Until Dawn Breaks update, but I have to say I found your Arda Adventures series yesterday and both the 'Istari'!Shisui premises had me mashing the subscribe button frantically because I just love how you've worldbuilt both of them and his friendship with Aragorn and Legolas in The Red Ally, and also the language barrier frustration in The Red Istari.

10. A character/ship I didn't enjoy/think about as much before you wrote about them I'm talking about a platonic relationship here because I love platonic, although I don't know if you're planning on keeping this platonic or if there's a sneaky romance ship endgame sneaking in here - but Shisui&Kisame's dynamic in Until Dawn Breaks is phenominal and I really love how slowly you've built up the trust between them and the stage it's at now. It's definitely not a friendship I ever thought about before reading your fic but you've made it a really solid one!

13. If i've ever shared/talked about your fic to someone else No Tomorrow. It was the first of your works I ever read, when I was hungrily devouring the Shisui Lives tag on AO3 desperate for whatever I could find, and it was at a time when a friend and I were throwing all the best fics we found at each other (regardless of whether or not the other actually knew the fandom, but she already knew Naruto so that wasn't a consideration in this case). This one got thrown around a lot, especially as it was while you were still updating it so we got to go a little crazy with each other every time a new chapter dropped!

Hey ☺️✨

3. Ahsiakskwkskskw thank you, the way Shisui's characterisation emerged was very very organic, which is probably why I can't seem to let go of him, and Mikoto... came literally out of the left field, I didn't know what I was doing with her but then she just wanted more and more and I was helpless but to give it to her 🤭

9. I'm really enjoying going back and forth between longer works like HOPE AU/Until Dawn Breaks and more... fresh? material, like crossovers such as The Red Istari, so I'm really pleased you're enjoying those projects too!

10. Oh, I don't think I've seen another fic that explores a Shisui-Kisame dynamic like this but when I was planning and discussing possible connections with my beta - the conversation went something like "Shisui needs to be held, who will hold him? Gai? Check! Kisame is also tragic and friend-shaped, add him to the list!" Which also includes some other characters as well 😏 - and it just really made sense to me with the parallels in their values and life stories! Glad to see I'm converting people teehee~

13. Oh heck, this got my feels 🥺 I'm chuffed and flattered beyond belief that you and your friend got to enjoy my fic together, thank you for telling me!