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nikkoliferous · 4 years ago

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Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

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If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram:

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all.

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy

Just wanna remind everyone that this

is why he’s smiling during this scene

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring.

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger

Honestly, though, big mood.

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway.

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather.

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is.

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess…

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD.

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit.

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

#phase one: thor #loki meta #thor meta #odin's a+ parenting #frigga's b+ parenting #topic: thor and loki's broken relationship #loki #thor #heimdall #lady sif #the warriors 3 #jane foster #ragnarok cinematic universe #mcu #topic: asgardian hypocrisy #topic: asgardian militarism #topic: odin's family dynamic

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kdramaxoxo · 4 years ago

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Hi! I just stumbled on your blog by accident, lol, but it definitely seems like you know your dramas. Can you please recommend some with well-acted introverted male leads or other main characters? I know some of the famous ones, like My love from the stars, reply 1988, etc). I prefer thriller, crime and such, but that isn't necessarily a criteria. Thanks 💜 And also I read on your thoughts on age gap. Have you seen Mr. Sunshine? God-tier drama, but the age gap, God, it made me so uncomfortable.

Hi!!! Welcome to my little corner of tumblr, so happy you found me even if it was by mistake lol!

Re: Mr. Sunshine - I know lots of people loved it, but I refused to watch it. The age gap was 10% of the reason, and 90% was me absolutely hating Lee Hyun Byun as a person.

Now the fun part of the ask! I’ll put the more thriller-y dramas near the top of the list since that’s your preference.

K-Dramas with Introverted Male Leads:

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes: I love this psychological thriller featuring Seo In Guk and Jung So Min. The male lead is the perfect example of a trauma baby who makes bad choices and needs to be loved. This drama is in my top 10 and I think you’ll really like it.

Come and Hug Me: Another favorite of mine, two children are linked to a tragic past. They meet again as adults and struggle to heal together while dealing with their trauma. It’s romantic, terrifying and the male lead keeps to himself because his father is a convicted murderer. You will love him.

Flower of Evil: This drama is the perfect mix of thriller, crime and romance. The main couple is a cop and her metal smithing husband who has a mysterious past. That is literally all I will say so that I don’t spoil it. #powercouple2020

He Is Psychometric: The introverted person in this sci fi / crime drama is the second male lead, but he’s such a good example of what you are asking for. The drama centers around his younger brother’s ability to see visions when he touches objects, and the crimes he and a rookie cop are trying to solve.

Extracurricular: A super introverted high school kid with a very iffy job finds himself more involved than he would like when he befriends a girl from his school. No spoilers!! This is one of the best non-kdrama-y k-dramas around!

Hello Monster: This psychological thriller centers around an elusive serial killer and an expert hired to find and stop him. It does have romance but is way more about personalities and what makes a person a killer.”

Healer: We all know how much I love Healer and lucky me...it counts! Healer is a loner “super-hero” type who works anonymously and independently, until he finds himself involved with a women who captures his attention. Romance, crime solving, LOVE!

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay: A dark and beautiful k-drama about found family and mental trauma. The lead’s personality is actually very similar to My Love From The Star, so you might really like it! Plus the leads are GORGEOUS, though I’m partial to Moon Young (everyone knows this!).

Just Between Lovers: I’ll push people to watch this melodrama about healing any chance I get. Kang Doo lives life dealing with a physical injury as well as PTSD from a childhood trauma. He’s a good boy but a broken boy. We love him ok??

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo: Wang So is a prince who is basically damaged goods from being treated like crap by the royal family. He’s introverted, cruel and literally dying to be treated kindly by someone. This historical drama will destroy you. Like, you will SOB and be sad a month later.

I’m not a Robot: A man who is allergic to humans and lives alone in a mansion, commissions an AI robot to live with him. This is a sci fi romcom and the chemistry between the leads is adorable.

Into The Ring: A slice of life romcom about a strong and feisty lady who runs for government to get the paycheck that comes with the position. She finds herself allied with a quiet and straight-laced man who keeps to himself, is diligent at work and just wants to clock on on time (can you blame him?).

Crash Landing On You: A rich chaebol finds herself trapped in North Korea and enlists the help of a group of soldiers. There’s romance, found family and lots of tears. I’m not sure the leading man is super introverted, but he definitely starts as a very quiet and private soldier.

A Poem A Day: This is a workplace drama/romance that takes place in a physical therapy hospital. The leading lady is ultimate sunshine and she crushes on a quiet and nerdy doctor who keeps to himself. The love triangle in this is really annoying-- heads up!

Introverted Boss: This rom com is basically what you are looking for as far as an introverted person. He’s the CEO of a company but stays behind the scenes and doesn’t like people and is scared of them. It’s a cute drama but has some frustrating filler moments.

Because This Is My First Life: A rom/com slice of life about an introverted man who wants to live alone with his cat but needs a roommate to help pay the bills. For K-drama reasons his roommate ends up being a woman who is a sweet and passive drama writer who, just wants a safe place to live. They come up with a marriage contract so that they can both live there without raising suspicions.

#kdrama #kdrama recommendations #kdrama recs #introverted male leads #i know my holo love counts but i didn't watch it yet #ask #answer #i feel like the summaries i wrote this time are all disjointed sounding #sorry if they sound like the were written by a bot lol

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lilydalexf · 4 years ago

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Elizabeth Rowandale

Elizabeth Rowandale has 16 stories at Gossamer spanning from 1995 to 2012, plus she has more at AO3 (other fandoms too). She's been giftng the fandom with stories for a long time! I've talked about some of my favorites of her stories before, including Hallways and Water's Edge. Big thanks to Elizabeth for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Yes and no. When I find myself suddenly caught up in a fandom that has already lived its glory days (which happens a lot, I'm habitually late to the party), I am always ravenous for fic written during the original run - it always has a different perspective and voice and it's like a little bit of the experience captured in time -- so I can understand how others would be interested in my past. That said, some of my early stuff is pretty awful. LOL. I have left it online for two reasons: 1. Nostalgia, 2. I know there are some fics I've read in my life that may not have been the best written in a literary sense, but just had something magical about them that fed exactly what I needed. And I would hate it if the author took down that work and I could never find it again (which has happened). So I try to respect that same sentiment should it appear in one of my readers. I'd say by about 6th or 7th season of the original run, my work became presentable. :) My largest X-Files work ("Water's Edge") was begun during the original run and completed about a year after the show ended. That one I definitely still claim as my work, even though there's certainly stuff I would fix if I were writing it now.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

So many things! Let's start with my husband. :D I met the love of my life on the X-Files newsgroup in spring of 1995. We were married a year later, and we are still married 24 years later and have a 20 year old daughter. One of the most important friendships of my life came from being part of this fandom - she began as an "Edgehead" during the original posting of "Water's Edge". The fandom brought me my family, friends, and made me believe in myself as a writer and, in some ways, as a person worth being friends with, for the first time in my life. It's kind of crazy, really, how different my life would be without it. The experience was not without its flaws. There was a lot of judgementalism, a lot of cliquishness, a lot of snobbery. I was condemned almost as much as I was welcomed. But in the end it was all worth the life experience.

As far as the fic itself, X-Files was my first real experience with fanfic, and it thoroughly spoiled me for all other fandoms forever, because the sheer VOLUME of professional quality work being put out there was mind-boggling. I expected all fandoms to be like this, and the fact is this is extremely rare and precious. I think I could read X-Files fic for the rest of my life and never run out of pieces worth reading.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started out primarily on a.t.x.c.. Then progressed to mailing lists (especially Scullyfic/E-muse!), and later was very involved on The Haven. The Haven was quite a magical experience.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I think I answered this by over-babbling on the question above. :D But ultimately, I think I would have to say my belief in literature as a tool to connect people on an intimate level that almost nothing else can. To give people a brief moment of sharing their precious internal worlds and inviting someone else to step into it with them.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Really, it was inevitable. It has all the classic tropes that have always spoken to me - Supernatural horror, law enforcement partners, partner UST, misfits as heroes, haunting soundtrack. But amusingly enough, my first impression of it was negative. My mother and I had been religiously watching "Sightings", a FOX reality show (before "reality shows" were a thing) on the supernatural. Then that got cancelled and they replaced it with some show that was about fictionalized encounters with and investigations of the paranormal. And we were like WTF we don't want that, we want real investigations and evidence! So I didn't watch it out of protest. :D Then one night I stumbled upon it when I had nothing to do and watched "Lazarus". I thought the show was okay, but that I could never really get invested in it because there was no real chemistry between Mulder and Scully (yes, you can laugh me out of the room now :D). But the thing is, you can't FIND the significant moments in that episode unless you're already embroiled in their world. Like when Mulder calls her "Dana" on the phone and we all know he's panicking big time -- this was my first episode, so I assumed he always called her Dana, no big. Some time passed, then I saw Conduit. And Tooms. And I started to get really sucked in. Then I saw Genderbender. Now, if you know me at all, you know since I was about 6 years old, my life has revolved around my current muse. I get obsessed with a certain actress/performer/character, and that becomes my lens for the whole world (yes, at 6 it was Lynda Carter as Diana Prince). I have always moved from one Muse to the next, and the few times I've been without a focus person I'm very untethered and unproductive. So, I'd been in one of my longest dry spells following my Madonna and Vivien Leigh obsessions, mostly focusing on reading Dean Koontz books, when X-Files came along. And this obsession was unique in that I can actually pinpoint the moment I fell. I was sitting in my bedroom watching Genderbender, and they were outside the general store and Scully had just been touched by Brother Andrew and was a little tripped out and staring after the horse and cart when Mulder stepped up to see if she was okay, and...I actually felt myself falling for Gillian Anderson. And there was this moment of both elation and bittersweetness, because I knew how all-consuming my obsessions could be and the emotional rollercoaster they could entail (especially when I was younger, I'm a little better armored now :)). But I have no control over when and where they hit. But I knew by the end of that episode that I was off on another wild ride of the muse. :)

So, the short answer is -- Gillian Anderson. :D

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

Truthfully, I can't experience anything without writing fanfic in my head. I've been doing it in one form or another my whole life, I just didn't know until the X-Files (and the internet) how many other people were like me!! I started writing X-Files fic before I was even online. In fact, The X-Files was the reason I got my first internet service - because the fandom was moving online and I didn't want to miss out. I read my first fanfic in the Unofficial X-Files Fanclub monthly zine and it fascinated me. I wrote my first X-Files fic, a first season story called "Silent Lines", before I had ever been on the internet, and I had it published in that same fanclub newsletter. (I was already writing original fiction, hoping to make writing my career). Later, after I had joined the internet XF community, I wrote a post-ep to "Irresistible" that I posted online. That was my first online fic. Some time after (and a few more fics down the road) when all the rights to "Silent Lines" had reverted to me, I posted that online as well.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I dabble now and then. :) When the reboot came about, I came back to the old stomping grounds and reconnected with some of the Old Guard. I still have a fair amount of pretty Mulder and Scully on my Twitter feed, and I continue to follow all Gillian Anderson's new projects. But it's not my primary focus at the moment. (My serial monogamist muse has another lover this year. :))

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Several (Stargate, Sanctuary, Xena, Battlestar Galactica, Once Upon a Time, etc.). As I mentioned before, almost none of them had anywhere NEAR the quality and quantity of fanfic The X-Files has to offer. The closest I experienced was the Xena fandom. There are some AMAZING Uber fics and Conqueror fics, many of which went on to be published as original novels. Some fandoms were colder and more cruel than The X-Files. Some were warmer and more generous. I was most prolific during my years in the Stargate fandom. I wrote something like 80 fics. It was crazy. I don't think I'll ever be that prolific again.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Just from anything? From television Dana Scully, Stella Gibson, Laura Roslin, Sharon Raydor, Regina Mills. I love powerful women with scars. Kind women at heart who will fight for what they believe in and whom they love. Mothers - whether in actuality or at heart. I love women who prove strength and power can be completely synonymous with femininity.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

A couple of months ago my husband and daughter and I finished a complete X-Files rewatch (original series and movies), taking our daughter through it for the first time. It was awesome to re-experience it all through her eyes. She grew up hearing about it, but had never seen more than a handful of episodes (and, sadly, the reboot LOL).

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

Every now and then I indulge in X-Files fic, yes. Sometimes new stuff, most often revisiting old favorites.

I definitely read in my current fandoms. For a few years I didn't, but lately I've been at it again. Right now my primary muse is Mary McDonnell, so I'm obsessing over her various roles through the years. Been reading fic for "Major Crimes", "Dances with Wolves", "Battlstar Galactica", "Passion Fish", and "ER" (specifically pertaining to Eleanor Carter).

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Of course. :) Mish's "No Quarter Given" will always own my soul. [Lilydale note: It’s a 3-part story: 1, 2, 3.] "Black Hole Season" by Penumbra, "Above Rubies" by Rachel Howard, "Blinded by White Light" by DashaK, "Sounds of Silence" by GirlGone, "Blood Oranges" by Syntax6, "Absolute Zero" and "Never Enough" by August. So many more.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

From X-Files, I can't really choose between "Water's Edge" which took the most out of me) and "Bridges" (which I wrote just a couple of year ago). I wrote them from very different places and I am proud of what I accomplished in each case. YMMV.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Never say never? :D I still feel badly that I left the sequel to "Water's Edge", "High Tide", hanging after posting just a few chapters. I never should have started it. My muse jumped ship to another fandom, and there was really nothing I could do. And I'm such a different person now, I don't know if what I would write now is what people who loved the first book would actually want to hear. I came back with the reboot and wrote "Bridges" and that largely said everything I needed to say about what happened to Mulder and Scully after "I Want to Believe". So, realistically, that was probably my XF writing swan song. But I would never say I won't ever post another fic. As the saying goes, "It all comes back to the X-Files". (And, yes, there's PLENTY of half-finished fic on my hard drive. LOL)

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do. Now that my kid is grown, I'm trying to seriously pursue a professional writing career from here forward. And I do still dabble writing fic in my current fandoms. Right now there is a Major Crimes fic sitting on my hard drive waiting for me to work up the nerve to post it.;)

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Once I'm inside my POV character's head, the narrative in my brain won't shut up. I flesh out and what-if everything. I fill in every moment that doesn't appear on screen. I talk to myself a lot and live in my head and sometimes scare family members. I get some sort of orgasmic high from things like seeing Laura Roslin grasp and tuck into her own hair when she's crying while my inner voice screams "OMG IT'S CANON SHE SELF-SOOTHES WITH HER HAIR!!!!!" I maintain a surprisingly sane outer presentation for the crazy obsessed artist I am within.

What's the story behind your pen name?

When I began removing my real name from the internet (for you young folks, we all started out using our Real Names and building our virtual houses on Geocities, then got warned from everywhere of the scary scary place that is cyberspace and started NEVER EVER using our real names, then Facebook came along and now everyone and their dog is out there with their real names, and Gen X is still going WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!??), I simply chose what I found to be a pretty last name (Rowandale). Elizabeth is my real name. Along the way, when I had started to feel confined by expectations for my writing based on my reputation, I challenged myself to be more honest in what I wanted to write by using the mental trick of a pen name no one knew was actually me, and invented "Rowan Darkstar" (the darker "edgier" side of Elizabeth Rowandale). "Rowan" was taken from Rowan Mayfair in Anne Rice's "The Witching Hour", my favorite novel at the time. Later, I went public with the fact I was Rowan Darkstar, and when I moved into my next fandom, I did so with that as my primary name. I have written in most of my fandoms as either Rowan Darkstar or LadyRowan with the exception of anything else Gillian Anderson related wherein I carried over the Elizabeth Rowandale since there were many crossover readers from X-Files.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Many of them do, yes. For many years my mother was my primary beta reader!! Sadly, she now suffers from dementia and can no longer fill that role. My best friend came into my life through my Stargate and Sanctuary fic, so there's no hiding from her, and she is now my beta.:) My husband met me in the fandom. So...yeah, most of my close friends know.:) In my 'other life' as an Army wife (now retired) and suburban Mom not so much.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

The most reliable place is probably AO3. It doesn't have much of my older stuff, but I generally post anything new there. I'm Rowan_D on Twitter.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files?

No, you can't be red/green colorblind and be a field agent for the FBI. No, soul groups don't work that way, Scully would have been his lover in some lifetimes, too. Yes, someone with Scully's education and deliberate precision of language WOULD say "for whom?" and not "for who?", you are quite right to cringe. No, you can't drive to Quantico and back to downtown DC and have it still be morning. And lastly -- The Kansas town after which they modeled "The Rain King" is NOT brown, it is NOT flat, it HAS a regional airport, and the residents are educated and intelligent. I lived there at the time -- There was a whole layout in the local paper about the crew visiting for "authenticity." I still marvel at how that is even possible.

(Posted by Lilydale on August 25, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #elizabeth rowandale #xf fanfic author interviews

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duskandstarlight · 4 years ago

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Hiya! Just wanted to tell you that i am unhealthily excited about your beautiful story, and literally have been re reading last chap plenty pf times to try and quell the anticipation lol.

Butttt, apart from that I really wanted to recommend you thw from blood and ash series! Bc you obviously like nessian, cruel prince and thg (some of my favs!) and i really think you will like it (the second book is the BEST, even if you struggle a little with the first time it is worth it)

And also do you have any katniss and peeta fav fics? I love them and lately feel like revisiting!

Much love xxx

Hello! Thank you so much, this is such a lovely message to receive ❤️

Thank you so much for the rec and you won’t believe it, but I’m reading it right now! I’m on page 150, so clearly your recommendation is just perfect for me!

So, I read so many Peeta/Katniss fics but my favourite is a smutty one-short modern AU called No Unicorns by misshoneywell and I must have read it about 800 times?!

Much love back ❤️ xxx

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glassworkspiderlilies · 5 years ago

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oh traveler, take heed (additional notes)

some extra notes for my giyushinoweek day 8 fic, oh traveler, take heed! i wrote that one in one shot last night, so it’s like, extra-hastily written haha. somehow i still ended up thinking of a bunch of background info though??

the general idea for the roles were as follows:

-Shinobu as the Butterfly Witch. She turned out to be a little bit like Rui (the spider demon) ability-wise, re: combat ability with threads/spidersilk in what i wrote. But!! she’s more of an “insect-witch” and draws her ability from various bugs and insects, so i suppose her array of physical combat would stem to like, poisoned needles/darts/knives, or some kind of created piercing weapon via magic. she wouldn’t have a sword in this au, but the combat portion of her magic would still draw from her Breath style. she’s a master at general healing and poisons, but also an expert on curses and hexes and suchlike. originally i kind of wanted her to have this exaggerated, not-so-good reputation, more befitting of a scary witch kind of thing, but in the end it’s more mixed. some will find her kind, some will find her cruel. again, i wanted to draw from CLAMP’s xxxholic, or necromancer by soga shina, where requesting help from shinobu is sort of like...”be careful what you wish for, as the results will not always be what you expect.” sometimes, curses are in place for a reason, or sometimes, what one person sees as a curse another sees as a blessing. the price that shinobu extracts is because she uses that “value” or “energy” to combat the curse/hex/illness/whatever. it is not often that she keeps the price, itself. ailments that she can cure with herbs and whatnot she’ll dispense for free--she has no need for money, since she’s still a princess. but magic of her particular kind has a price, and cannot/should not be used so easily.

-Giyu as the “Grim Reaper”. He was supposed to be more scary!! He’s Sabito’s loyal knight, and also has the ability to lay souls to rest. He’s more in line with a canon demon slayer--that is, in this au he’d be of the few that can kill demons via cutting off their head. (witches can also kill demons!) he’s also of the few that can combat shades, remnants, the undead, and suchlike. to be honest, he takes it upon himself to do the dirty work that sabito would never ask him to do; it’s never anything terribly immoral, as he shares everything with sabito and makomo, but it pains sabito nonetheless that such a thing is necessary. some call giyu the reaper in fear, and some in hope. theoretically, he also has some necromancy abilities, but he’s not actually aware of it yet, and it’s something of a forbidden art. spirits who will willingly do his bidding are one thing, forcing them into a vessel is another. because his ability revolves around death, the common people find him very difficult to be around. it doesn’t help that he’s normally quite taciturn. sabito, giyu, and makomo are childhood friends, but before he met them, giyu was raised more by the dead than the living. (tsutako’s ghost, perhaps?)

-Sabito as the Fox Prince. sorry, that’s it, i didn’t think any further than that LOL. he has some latent abilities too, but i didn’t think on that long enough to flesh them out. he’s a very good swordsman himself, and is often away from the castle amongst his people. he’s very well liked and has a very strong sense of justice and protecting the weak, and is constantly looking for ways to improve the kingdom. he’s a bit of a workaholic, and relies deeply on makomo and giyu. he kiiinda usurped the throne, but to the relief and benefit of everyone, since before him, it was the hand demon that was sitting on it, who had killed and eaten the previous king and all his family and heirs. he sleeps poorly, hence why makomo says that she hopes he’s at least dreaming well in the fic. (he’s not, unfortunately. the poor boy.)

-Makomo as the Fox Witch. Lady Makomo is the Prince’s companion and assistant in running the kingdom! she also acts as the ambassador to the surrounding kingdoms. she’s also kind of like a shadow operative within the kingdom--like a spy, i guess? her magic is a little unclear, but ranges more on the defensive/communication side. i imagine it extends to foxes also, like she can communicate with them and possibly transform into one. she’s the last line of defense.

-Kanae as the eldest Kochou Princess. Kanae is not quite a witch, more of a seeress or oracle. she tells fairly accurate common fortunes, and has a very good sense of incoming danger. this is also why their small kingdom has remained at peace for so long. she can be a little careless with this ability--shinobu thinks they should have kept it much more hidden. it’s not exactly widespread, but kanae would be safer had she not been so selfless. a more extended fortune-telling would need a more formal ceremony, and so the kochou kingdom will receive requests from high-ranking people on occasion, which the kochou sisters decide together whether or not to take. as such an in-depth telling would drain kanae, taking her days to recover, and so they do not take these requests very often, no matter what they’re offered. kanae’s combat ability affects the mind--she can scramble and distort thoughts if she concentrates, though this can also affect her negatively. she has very strong mental fortitude as a result of her magic. i’d like for her to also have a physical means of defense, so she can probably also swing a sword, haha.

-Kanao as the youngest Kochou Princess. Kanao has some seeress ability, and so is training under kanae, mostly, to hone/develop these. when she was young, she was able to hear voices which were other people’s thoughts. but because she grew up in the slums and no one was really around to explain her abilities to her, she and others believed she was cursed, and she broke under the stress of others’ emotions until she was picked up by kanae and shinobu. kanao was trained by shinobu in combat, and so she’s also kanae’s bodyguard while shinobu is away from the castle, especially when kanae is performing rituals which leaves her defenseless.

-Doma, as the second prince of demons. There are twelve princes corresponding with the twelve demon moons. i guess there should also be twelve minor princes or nobles, to coincide with the lower moons? anyway. his followers attacked the kochou kingdom once and were repelled, largely by shinobu’s tactics. he’s been in love(?) with her ever since, but has marked her elder sister, because he knows that’s more motivation.

misc other things:

- the village that shinobu told giyu not to go to--she was, in fact there, releasing the village from a “curse”, but it was one of those things where the releasing the spell was actually more detrimental to the village, but it’s the village’s problem of their own making because they’ve clung to traditions due to malice. the villagers end up being their own undoing, and the “curse” was actually to keep worse things from happening. it’s super vague since i didn’t think that deeply into the actual details of what happened--again, i just wanted that feeling of “be careful of what you wish for” type of thing.

-i actually wanted shinobu to travel with giyu for a bit before they go to sabito! i wanted something like, giyu takes a small retinue of knights/people from a local village or something while on the search for the butterfly witch, and shinobu slips in and pretends to be one of them (though i was worried her height might give her away lmao). after a side mission is all said and done with, maybe that’s when they all go to the kochou castle, and giyu’s like, “i’m looking for the butterfly witch” and kanae laughs and says “but haven’t you already found her?” and giyu’s like “what?” and kanae’s like “she’s next to you, isn’t she? welcome home, sister.” and shinobu reveals herself and is like “hello. :) thank you kanae, i’m home.” and everyone loses their mind. i love dramatic reveals!! i wanted there to be a dramatic reveal!!!

-the “fox kingdom” (lmao kingdom names are hard and i didn’t actually come up with any proper ones, so i just. vaguely referred around it) and the kochou kingdom are officially allied. sabito saved kanae’s life once, and he and makomo are friends with kanae and shinobu. kanao and giyu were for some reason not present during when this happened LOL. but this is also why makomo tells giyu to search for the butterfly witch. the butterfly witch’s status is not actually public knowledge, hence why makomo tells giyu to go to the kochou kingdom. she would’ve explained more/the fact that the witch is also a princess, but giyu left before she could, lol.

-originally i was gonna have giyu end up being shinobu’s familiar but then i was like......that’s too much too complicated so he’s just her traveling companion and partner to kill doma lol

hmmmm i guess that’s it for now!! thanks for reading!!

#author's notes #i had shinobu as a witch before i saw the halloween art #but made giyu more grim reapery after i saw the art #originally he was just a knight haha. why do i not make him the cool one when i do aus??#im shinobu biased i guess

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lovely-suga · 5 years ago

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My attempt at talking about literary symbolism in The Wicked King (big oof)

With Queen of Nothing releasing in literally two days, I’ve taken to re-reading the other Folk of the Air books and when reading Wicked King I got to the part where Jude talks to Val Moren and he gives her “advice” and juggles for her, and because I now know that Holly Black encrypts a lot of symbolism into her books, I started paying attention to this scene and what exactly Val Moren is juggling and what it could represent for the story.

I couldn’t find any discussion on this topic so I wanted to try my hand at what I thought it could mean and maybe some kind souls could hmu and we could dissect this one scene all together like a bookclub 👀 or you could shout ideas at me through the ask box 👀 or IDK JUST SOME FORM OF IDEA PITCHING 👀

(I’m new to the fandom so if this was already mentioned I’M SORRY + pls link me !!)

(Long read ahead...)

So, in the text Val Moren juggles “a stone, three acorns, a piece of crystal, and what appears to be a wishbone.” and when I went digging online (to the best of my abilities at like 9.30pm on a Sunday night) to see what these objects usually mean in literature, I found:

a stone typically represents endurance, coldness, stubbornness, and stability

acorns = strength and potential, and also the Nordic and Celtic symbol of life, fertility, and immortality

crystals have a lot of meanings, but (from what I found) the meaning typically sways to ice, clarity, purity, and energy

and (unbroken) wishbones can mean luck and wishes, obvs lol

BUT, what does it all mean?!

In the book Val Moren then says “’Juggling, you see, is just tossing two things in the air at the same time.’” and “begins to toss the acorns back and forth, then adds the wishbone.” I believe (and this is where I want this sort of book club discussion to come in) that the three acorns represent Oak, Jude, and Cardan.

Oak, not just because of his name, but because he’s being raised to become king in the future and has the potential to be an amazing ruler for being raised outside of Faerie.

With Jude I think her potential is not only the romantic potential between her and Cardan, but also her potential to power, to feeling like she belongs in this world she so deeply believes she can’t survive in, her potential of being the Queen and literally just her overall character development.

Lastly, with Cardan, I think his potential is, like with Jude, the romance, and his character development, because we’ve seen the shift of him from Cruel Prince to Wicked King where he goes from being really sadistic and cruel (ha!) to openly caring and expressing maybe more than just sexual desire for Jude, and from hating being king to enjoying and being pretty good at ruling, and his development could work into how he always viewed the crown with disdain and kind of shirked his responsibilities as a member of the royal family, to actually stepping up and not being 100% awful.

Regarding the wishbone, I think that could be tied to multiple things, like Jude’s plans to make Oak king, her wish for power, maybe something to do with her and Cardan (I don’t like falling back on the prospect of “Jurdan”’s relationship but I’m drawing blanks in symbol meaning possibilities, currently in need of a discussion !) Maybe it could tie with Jude’s one year agreement with Cardan for him to obey her? Or her banishment?

The juggling scene continues on, with Val Moren saying “'No matter how many things you add, you’ve got only two hands, so you can only toss two things. You’ve just got to throw faster and faster, higher and higher.’ He adds the stone and the crystal, the things flying between his hands fast enough that it’s hard to see what he’s tossing. I suck in a breath. Then everything falls, crashing to the stone floor. The crystal shatters. One of the acorns rolls close to the fire.”

So in this part Black doesn’t write about what happened to any of the other objects, like the stone or whether or not the wishbone breaks, just that “everything falls, crashing to the stone floor” and only focuses on the crystal and the one acorn, which I have to believe implies that these two objects are the most important and should be what we focus on.

Since the crystal shatters, and crystals can be symbols of ice, clarity, purity, and energy blah blah, what could the crystal mean? Maybe, the crystal could symbolize the trust Cardan had with Jude and how it literally shatters when she confesses to having killed Balekin? Tbh I’m kind of stumped on that one...

Regarding the juggling scene, I think what it’s supposed to represent, as whole, is the future events of The Wicked King. Like the juggling and everything falling, plus the objects themselves, are prophesying what’s gonna go down in the next few chapters. Plus I believe that the actual juggling correlates with how Jude was feeling throughout the book with balancing her seneschal duties, monitoring Cardan, Balekin, Madoc, Locke, then her two sisters and Oak, and working with the Court of Shadows, the Undersea, her own emotions, etc etc. Basically, Jude’s got a lot on her plate and she’s juggling all of these things to keep them in order but she only has two hands = she can only do so much at the same time, and when everything falls it’s her losing control of all these elements she was keeping tabs on and it becomes a mess at the end of the book when she’s confronted by it all.

Now with he reference of the acorn rolling close to the fire, I feel it could either link with Jude being banished from Faerie or something that happens in Queen of Nothing maybe? Fire can mean a lot of things, like illumination, rage, anger, violence, destruction, renewal, literally anything depending on the context. Maybe the fire could mean the enlightenment/lightbulb moment Jude feels when she figures out how to get back to Faerie? After all didn’t someone say they talked to the author and she said that wording is always important in Faerie and that the wording of Cardan’s banishment for Jude is important? Maybe the fire symbolizes Faerie itself and how close the mortal realm is to it or how close Jude is? Or how close Jude came to being in that situation that she couldn’t escape from like how her banishment kind of saved her from being killed by the Undersea? Or, even though I said I don’t like falling back on Jurdan, how close she came to that sort of passionate emotion, the feeling of belonging and closeness and how close their relationship came to being... an actual relationship and not just constant tension?

I’m not sure why this one scene is taking control of my thoughts, I was literally ready to pour over it all by myself in my head, but I couldn’t stoping thinking about it and couldn’t not write it down you know? Just to sort of compile my ideas and have it all laid out, and I know Queen of Nothing comes out in two days (omg) and it might answer some of my questions, or raise more idk, but it’s always fun to theorize and throw ideas around!

If anyone actually read my two cent attempt at literary analysis, any form of acknowledgement is very much appreciated !!

#the wicked king #The Folk of the Air #holly black #the queen of nothing #the cruel prince #jude duarte #jude #cardan #cardan greenbriar #jurdan #ya books #ya #fantasy #i rlly hope someone reads this just so then I don't feel crazy about writing all this lololol

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mageicalwishes · 5 years ago

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Ten Books I Want to Read in 2020

I was tagged by @captain-aralias :) So, in no particular order here are some books I want to read in 2020. Also, I really like reading, so I rambled A LOT. Sorry.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - I’ve seen so many really beautiful quotes from this book on Tumblr, and I bought a copy it a few months ago. However, I haven’t gotten around to reading it yet. It sounds like an incredibly moving story though, so I’m definitely looking forward to reading it soon :)

Attachments by Rainbow Rowell - This has been sat in my TBR stack for at least 2 years now. Oops. I know literally nothing about this book, excpet that maybe someone gets engaged at some point? Idk. But, generally I really enjoy Rainbow’s more casual, laid-back style of writing (it makes her books incredibly easy to digest), so I’m excited to read some time soon.

The Outsiders by S.E Hinton - One of my all time favourite books! I re-read this like 3 times a year, and I doubt 2020 will be any different. I studied this book in Year 8 and the story just captivated me. The book follows a group of “Greasers” (basically low-income working-class kids), and documents their struggle as societal outsiders. Their are some really well-written, lovable characters in the book (Namely Johnny and Sodapop). And, overall, it just has a really amazing, interesting plot. It highlights the class differences of the 1960s really well, and I particularly love the sort of “found family” element of the gang. Also, it’s only around 200 pages long, so it’s a fairly quick read. Anyway ... If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it :)

The Fever King by Victoria Lee - I found out about this book on Twitter last week, and the plot outline on GoodReads really interested me. Here’s a little snippet - “The son of undocumented immigrants, Noam has spent his life fighting for the rights of refugees fleeing magical outbreaks—refugees Carolinia routinely deports with vicious efficiency. Sensing a way to make change, Noam accepts the minister’s offer to teach him the science behind his magic, secretly planning to use it against the government. But then he meets the minister’s son—cruel, dangerous, and achingly beautiful—and the way forward becomes less clear. Caught between his purpose and his heart, Noam must decide who he can trust and how far he’s willing to go in pursuit of the greater good.” So, yeah. It sounds like a classic enemies-to-lover romance story (Which is, unarguably, one the greatest literary tropes IMO ;)), with elements of political intrigue (Sort of similar to RWARB and Captive Prince which I love). So, hopefully I can get my hands on a copy of this soon.

Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray - I watched the ITV adaptation of this when it was on telly (Like 2 years ago now?), and feel in love with the wit of the main character - Becky Sharpe. Since then, I’ve wanted to read the book. But, I’m pretty sure it’s massive (we’re talking like 2000 pages). And, being a more classic book, I’m a little concerned I might find the language used a little abstruse. However, I really want to challenge myself to try and finally read it this year.

Birthday by Meredith Russo - I saw this book on Instagram and really, really loved it’s cover/page design, and instantly really wanted to buy it (I’m an absolute sucker for a pretty book). But, looking into it more, I really like the idea of a love story told in snapshots taken over several years. It’s also multiple POV, which I love. Hopefully, I’ll get a hold of a copy soon. Just FYI - Based on my little GoodReads search, it does look like this book covers some pretty heavy topics, and has some potentially triggering content (I, myself, am not particularly sensitive to those things - But others may be, so I just wanted to throw that in here).

Heartstopper by Alice Oseman - I saw these comics on Tumblr and fell in love with them - They’re painfully adorable. However, I much prefer having physical copies of books than trying to read things online ... So, I’m hoping to get the print books soon, so I can read the story in full at some point this year.

The Game of Kings (The Lymond Chronicles) by Dorothy Dunnet - From GoodReads - “ Dunnett introduces her irresistible hero Francis Crawford of Lymond, a scapegrace nobleman of elastic morals and dangerous talents whose tongue is as sharp as his rapier. In 1547 Lymond is returning to his native Scotland, which is threatened by an English invasion. Accused of treason, Lymond leads a band of outlaws in a desperate race to redeem his reputation and save his land.” I really enjoyed elements of the SOIAF (GOT) books, and apparently this series is similar in many ways, so it sounds like my sort of thing. I also, just love books with a bit of political intrigue, so the synopsis of this book really interested me. I already have a copy of the first book, I just need to get around to actually reading it. :’)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K Rowling - I have a confession ... I’ve never actually read this. My parents bought me a Harry Potter book box set for my 6th birthday, so I’ve read all the other books in the series, but the Deathly Hallows hadn’t actually been published yet. And, for some reason, I never went out and bought it. But, I think 2020 is the year I finally finish reading the Harry Potter books (I’m only like ... A decade late).

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz - I read this a few years ago, but I have pretty much zero memory of it - So I think it’s probably about time for a re-read. I know a lot of people adore this book, and I remember thinking the romance plot was incredibly sweet, but that’s about it. I have no idea what actually happens in this book anymore :,) So hopefully, I’ll find the time to read it again this year.

I legitimately suck at tagging people, because I know like literally nobody here, and I’m too awkward to tag like strangers lol (Fun social anxiety thingssss). But, I thought it would still be fun to take part. Sooooo ... I tag anybody reading this who wants to join in! That’s a little bit of a cop-out but ... Shhhhhhh.

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faearies · 5 years ago

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ya book moments that made me cry

i’m really in my feels right now y’all so i’m just going to type random moments of ya books that made me cry (very spoilerly

so i just finished reading 99 days (which is what got me in my feels) and i didn’t actually cry but i got teary-eyed

this book was so good

sometimes i just enjoy a trashy ya, sue me

part of me wanted her to end up with gabe, part of me wanted her to end up with patrick, and part of me wanted her to just start anew

but in a twisted way, i kind of did want her and patrick to have sex, it would have made everything even more juicier

anyway, this got me in my feels so i started re-reading other fave ya books

the selection series: um the one is just a big cry fest?

the scene with maxon and america in the rain? helped invent romance?

the letters he wrote her?

but tbh the moment i cried when i first read them was when he actually breaks it off toward the end, with like 20 pages left and i actually thought they weren’t going to end up together and i was devastated

and then the battle scene with the whole “break my heart” quote??? also pure poetry

damn maxon and america was a really good ship

divergent

so obviously the scenes where tris dies??? remember how almost no one saw that coming? like ???? i think i find out the spoiler ahead of time and couldn’t even read allegiant for months and then finally read it and still cried, even though i knew what was coming

the hunger games

tbh, i get teary eyed just thinking about peeta and katniss and all they went through and how much he loved her??? like my rational brain knows the relationship is not healthy and is problematic, but they were my first OTP that i shipped HARD and i just???? they’re so tragic

um, not technically the book, but i cried seeing the bread scene happened in the movies

definitely cried at the end of catching fire

definitely also cried a bunch of times during mockingjay

like when peeta tried to strangle her? definitely tears and screaming

when katniss killed coin and tried to kill herself and peeta held her back and it was like “let me go” and then “i can’t” WATERWORKS

WHEN PEETA PLANTS PRIMROSES

THE FUCKING EPILOGUE

tbh idk how my mockingjay copy was not soaked in tears

the uglies series

one of the first times i genuinely got really upset with a book (this was like 7th grade) was when zane died

it was just so unfair and tragic???

i literally threw the book across the room and my mom had to come check on me

tally staying a special???

also in pretties when she tells david to get his ugly face out of there. i don’t even like david that much but it was such a powerful scene

the maze runner

when teresa dies???? “i only ever cared for...”

i will maintain until my grave that she wanted to say “you” to thomas, you can’t talk me out of it, bye

lol i was so mad when within like 5 pages thomas just yeeted off to paradise and was like “hey brenda”

i’m still mad

tbh they’re one of the most tragic ya couples, just because...the different sides...the dying...the friendship...the betrayal

the raven cycle

basically when gansey died (the second time), i was a MESS

also when adam was wigging out and no one wanted to hurt him

harry potter

just because i can’t go through a list like this without mentioning harry potter

i was basically in tears the whole 7th book

the underland chronicles

i read these when i was super young, but i still remember crying when gregor and luxa were parted forever??

and ripred and gregor??

and when the cockaroaches DIED for boots????

i also sobbed reading the end in the asoue books

especially when kit died

also with all of the mentions of beatrice

ALSO SPEAKING OF TIMES WHEN MAIN CHARACTERS WERE FOREVER PARTED -- WHEN LYRA AND WILL HAD TO FOREVER SEPARATE AND ONLY HAVE THE GARDEN AS THEIR CONNECTION!!!!! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO WHEN IT GETS TO THAT POINT IN THE TV SERIES!!! ALSO, I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT LYRA IS UP TO IN THE UPCOMING BOOKS

ngl, i cried a little when the darkling died in the grisha trilogy

okay, now i’m in my feels even more, so i’m just going to rant about some moments that bring out the FEELS even if they didn’t make me cry

the folk of the air series

the jurdan kiss in the first book is one of the most iconic first kisses ever

also i know jurdan is very very unhealthy, but my irrational shipper brain seems not to care

basically the last 30 pages of the wicked king just had me in my feels

I WAS SO FUCKING MAD AT CARDAN THOUGH (jude better almost murder him in queen of nothing)

okay but also, the last scene in the cruel prince is just ???? so powerful???? and alluring??? i can’t explain it

the crown’s game

i just finished this book a few days ago and i HAVE ALL THE FEELS ABOUT NIKOLAI AND VIKA

the ending scene where “i love you” and then he tries to sacrifice himself???

i was very disappointed in the crown’s fate though, not gonna lie

anyway, i just needed to get these feels all out haha

#personal #tp

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forevalikeavendetta · 5 years ago

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HEY let’s make some Lover predictions, based on nothing but the track names and my wild speculations!

1. i forgot that you existed - ooh starting with a burn track! except i don’t actually think it’s going to be that mean, just like “oh, you used to be so important to me but lately i’ve been so happy i forgot you existed, lol” and i don’t think it’ll necessarily be about exes, but maybe also past friendships. or maybe even media drama? another reminder that she’s doing better than she ever was.

2. cruel summer - the trial!! that was summer, right? about all the people preaching about feminism and standing up for women suddenly being like “lol but does taylor swift even have an ass to grab?” instead of supporting her while she’s standing up to a douchebag. i hope there’s a scathing line about that whole One Dollar she earned while she was being called a greedy attention seeker.

3. lover - oh i know we already know this one, i just wanna say that before it dropped, i was thinking that an ode to her lover would be too predictable and i was thinking it was going to be about herself, and how she’s been through some shit but in the end, she’s a lover not a fighter. (she chose the right glove, yall) but i was very wrong. just incase you think i’m sounding smart or something, i know nothing at all.

4. the man - she’s the man! i’m ready to die!

6. i think he knows - lovey love song about how she’s feeling/does he feel it too?/does he know?/i think he knows! like a sequel to delicate, that moment where it’s Not delicate anymore because you know you’re on the exact same page.

7. miss americana and the heartbreak prince - that’s a whole ass TITLE pals. i don’t even know!! taylor’s clearly miss americana but i don’t think her current lover is the heartbreak prince, unless she means like. the prince who ended the heartbreak, but that’s awkward and she’s more well-spoken than that. so like. a reflection on past relationships? maybe about how she felt that relationships would never really work for her and was kind of resigning herself to that? or i guess it could be one of her story-songs, like the lucky one, a little more fictional? i don’t know! i sure have no idea. but i do think, just given the title, that this would be a great song for a throwback/parallel lyric to “salute to me, i’m your american queen.” just sayin.

8. paper rings - blah blah lovey time, she fancies her lover not fancy stuff, she doesn’t need diamonds, a paper ring would be fine. is this a good time to admit that i really don’t like super romantic shit and love ballads and i’m a little worried lover is gonna get to schmaltzy for me? i’ve never been that romantic daydreaming, future wedding planning gal. i mean, i’m very aware that taylor is and always have been, and i love that for her and i’m glad she’s happy and maybe i’m also a little jealous bc i have no one to take me out and then take me home but whatever. what was i saying? i hope she keeps her love songs in the vein of lover; simple and beautiful and not over-saccharine.

9. cornelia st - a song about her life in new york & her friends and...idk just like. finding a home. building a home for herself.

10. death by a thousand cuts - i have no idea, but it sounds like an evanescence song i would have over-related to at age fourteen. so hopefully...not that.

11. london boy - would also be an acceptable song for a callback to “salute to me i’m your american queen”??? LISTEN KOMH IS MY FAVE AND I WANT A PART TWO. i’m not exactly expecting one, but i WANT IT.

12. soon you’ll get better - this has to be about her mom being sick and i’m not ready and i don’t want it goodbye

13. false god - well it’s track thirteen so i think it’s going to be something big. honestly, i hope it’s just like. Fuck Men. re: all men in power. that’s it. fuck em. fuck trump. fuck kanye. fuck scott and fuck scooter.

15. afterglow - if this isn’t a sexy sexy song, then what are we even doing here? i....honestly can’t think of anything else it could be like? ???

17. it’s nice to have a friend - oh long live part 2?!?!?! remember when this dumb bitch thought nobody was going to come to the rep tour and was surprised when we all showed? it’s us, we’re her friend, she’s Our friend, this song is for us.

18. daylight - the one where we step into the daylight and let it go.

omg that was long. now we wait two days and watch me be wrong!!

(also, if you’re still reading i hope this goes without saying, but this is a fun post for fun, and if you’ve been to a secret session that’s cool for you but i don’t want anything confirmed or denied. if you put spoilers in my inbox i will hunt you down and put spiders in your mouth in the night. if you don’t wanna spoil things but Do wanna wildly speculate, hit me up and no spiders will be involved! thank u!)

#taylor #lover release party #taylor swift's lover

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 6 years ago

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And so I continue on my epic re-read of that nonsense royalty AU mixed with a teen movie except gayer-- uh, I mean, Misadventures

Chapter 6 here we go

I already remember that when I wrote this chapter I wanted to throw my laptop out of the window because it was impossible, so now I’m scared

Kim actually doing exercise in this fic was me directly calling myself out for lazing around all day

He tries to get out of detention by pulling the “but I’m a prince!” card ashfskdjhkf that won’t work on Lady Mendeleiev!!

Speaking of, I’ve had Ms Bustier called “Lady Caline” in this thing but Mendeleiev’s still referred to by her surname? Can’t remember what I was thinking tbh

Kim you dumb idiot, the nobles aren’t moving out of the way because you’re royalty, they’re moving out of the way because MENDELEIEV IS WITH YOU

Ohhhh my god stop accusing your own classmate of murder, I think Alix would have much more than a detention if she’d fricking killed someone

Sidenote: Alix did not deserve detention. The rules didn’t say anything about rollerskates so she did nothing wrong and this was very unfair

And there’s me showing off how much research on cobras I did lmao

...I’ll be honest, 90% of the reason I wrote this fic was because I wanted Kim to have to walk with a book on his head

goddammit you know when you notice symbolism in your writing that wasn’t there before? this fic is hecking doing it already. striking a BALANCE between being a stupid idiot and being a thoughtful goodbean is legit a running theme in this thing, and,, that’s,, their detention,,,sdskgkjf

I’m the noble who fell off the balancing beam. it’s me

Kim... I’m going to hit you on the head with that book I s2g STOP BEING A JERK

the symbolism gahhh I’m dying, he needs to be more patient and less reckless just like his life skjdhksjd sjdghbsjfhsk laksjflad

How did Mireille end up in detention, you ask? Simple. Aurore framed her. Those two have a real hecked up relationship in this thing and oh boy it’ll take a front seat in the sequel if I ever write it

well dammit now I ship Kim with Mireille I mean they held hands

“If someone doesn’t get over here to help me finish this stupid thing right now, I will throw this book at someone’s face hard enough to send their teeth into the back of their brain.” pls... alix... hit ME with the book I’m begging you

I’m. having an allergic reaction to Kim’s crush on Alix. I know what happens later in the fic and I’m already breaking out in hives

Chapter 7 is called “90% chance of death” which is an accurate statistic to describe the mortality rate of reading it

I MADE A NINO AND POTATOES REFERENCE OH MY GOD I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING BAD I EVER SAID ABOUT THIS FIC, IT’S PERFECT NOW

This reads like a game of Civilization and yet I hadn’t even played it yet at the point when I wrote this part

MAX W O W HAVE SOME FAITH IN KIM OKAY, HE’S A DICK AT THE MOMENT BUT HE’LL GET BETTER

And Kim stop trying to be tsundere, you’re so bad at it. everyone knows the real tsundere in this fic is Alix,

There’s me showing off about knowledge I learned on wikipedia again

“That would be the coolest way to die. Agonizing death by snake bite. I would love that.” Juleka you can’t just SAY that to Alix oh my god do you even know what happens in chapter 25???

Kim being good at archery is 100% a shoutout to Dark Cupid btw also he’s a sagittarius like me and I’ll fight you on this

Max just got bored and straight-up left the sports day lmaooo that’s the biggest mood

I can’t wait for chapter 60 where the Other sports day happens and it’s like the total inverse of this one

YES ALIX, GO OFF

she’s highkey lying. she cannot order someone’s execution, she may be a pharaoh but she really doesn’t have much power lol, she just pretends she does so people will let her do what she wants

only chapter 7 and Kim’s already crying over something dumb (aka the threat of being eaten alive by a venomous cobra)? nice

“I guess me suddenly storming in here and lowkey threatening to kill you may have been overboard” uh yeah, you don’t say?? he kinda deserved it tho lmao

I love how Kim’s all like “ayy there’s plenty of other cute girls at this school for me to fall for!” when the two people at school he falls for next are both BOYS

alright chapter 8 now baby, and yes the title “Chick???” makes perfect sense in context I swear

Oh here’s one of those boys already! Kim’s crush on Adrikins is so damn obvious I love it

The umbrella scene happened except with a parasol

the whole “you four seem to make a good group” thing was me thinking how Marinette/Adrien/Alya/Nino is a god-tier ot4

oh god I want to hug Nath

OKAY OKAY SO. Nath and Alix don’t make friends until like chapter 44 or something, but the reason she knew already that he liked Marinette was because Juleka told her in the snek scene earlier, and then Alix used this knowledge to force people into giving her chocolate

Alya your gaydar is so broken... almost none of the girls in your class are straight

I’m also going to hug Alix, I know what it’s like to be a confused baby aro -- in fact I was at the time I was writing this skdjfhksdjhgkjf

Kim’s homework was just me typing out a bunch of intelligent-sounding words I remember seeing in Crusader Kings II tbh

MAX YOU PRECIOUS GAY BEAN, GIVE IT LIKE 20 MORE CHAPTERS OKAY

ohohoho chapter 9 here we go

noooo Alya noooo don’t trust Theo!!! you’ll find out why in like chapter 47 but just!! don’t trust him!!!!!!

Alya I s2g... of course Marinette likes girls, she’s bi af

Chloe and Sabrina are wlw too... please fix your gaydar I’m begging you

same with Rose, good grief, she really does love Juleka omg

I love how I called the kingdom of Couffaine “mysterious” and “distant” because I hadn’t decided where it was yet, because I’ll have you know that for the sequel I’ve decided it’s the non-distant and non-mysterious Orkney Isles

Alya just knocks on Juleka’s door like “YO ARE YOU A LESBIAN?” skdjhkjsdhg I’m sobbing

No Alya, Couffaine isn’t a morbid kingdom, Juleka’s just really goth. Couffaine is just like how Scotland really is lol

Kim wtf you can’t just ditch Max like that good grief...

and there I go teaching the readers about geography, because that’s definitely what normal people talk about in their conversations

Alix’s ringtone is definitely a rickroll by the way

I love that these characters are in fact completely aware that they’re idiots who should not be in charge of a country, what they’re unaware of is all that precious, precious character development heading their way nyehehhehehe >:D

Look... I know I said I was having an allergic reaction but hugs with height differences are Very Important to me so just this once I’ll let it slide

Phew, chapter 10, and then I’ll stop because holy shoot I need time to process the ridiculousness of this mess

oh my god Kim literally burning the letters his parents send him in order to avoid his responsibilities is?? such a mood?? I’m basically doing that myself right now

This is the only time Emperor Gabriel even has any lines until like almost the last chapter lol

anD IT’S FULL OF FORESHADOWING OH MY GOD ADRIENNNNN

btw Chloe’s oracle question was “will I marry Adrien?” and of course the answer was no, so that’s why she was upset lol (idk what Marinette’s question was, I didn’t think of one oops)

more geography lessons!!!

Max being irrationally mad at Alix’s country having a higher GDP than his was inspired by him being mad about losing the gaming tournament to Marinette in the Gamer episode, by the way

Alix... is a reptile scalie I’m gonna regret saying that aren’t I

I love how her oracle question is literally just a stealth “I’m aroace, right?” and that makes the irony of the next bit so much funnier omg, poor Kim lmao I was so so cruel

(also I finally fixed that inconsistency... Fu said he was 186, but technically everyone in this fic is about a year or two older than they are in the show at the beginning, so he should be 187 instead)

Kim has just accepted that he’s going to die young by doing something reckless and stupid, that’s such a gen z mood wow

I’m genuinely losing brain cells because of Kim right now, I’m contracting the bubonic plague as I type, I’ve already lost 3 years off my life and so has Master Fu,,,, ask a sensible question you idiot

No Kim, it won’t be CPR, she really will kiss you, you’ll just know okay... now if you’ll excuse me I need to go bang my head against a brick wall for several hours

#welp this is actually more entertaining than i remembered #misadventures #yeah i'll just tag it as that lol #random stuff

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