#so i’m praising myself for it
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shout out to myself for buying edgar the frog at the con i went to even though i was incredibly nervous
#i was literally shaking#i could barely talk#i just walked up to vendor and looked at the crochet plushes that they had set up#took out the cash#picked up edgar#said “could i…?”#moved the bill closer to the vendor#they took it#asked if i needed a bag#i said “no#nodded#and then walked away#it was very nerve wracking for me#but edgar helped out a lot#he was very comforting#going to the con was part of my initiative to do things that i’m slightly uncomfortable with#but that in the long run will make me happy#such as going to cafes and ice cream shops and libraries on my own#this is the biggest thing that i’m going to do for a while#so i’m praising myself for it#i think it was a bit too much at this point in time#but i also know that it would have been way worse before i started doing these things#i did a great job with the skills that i currently have available to me#and i deserve some praise
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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Sorry for being obnoxious. I need attention or I’ll die. It will happen again.
#talking peach#truly I just feel shitty about myself AND I’m working hard today for NO REWARDS and it’s unfair#so give me attention and praise as reward plz thanks or I will burst into flames#thank#.
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I can’t sell it, but I sure as heck can spread the word! I got this from a shirt about Sesame Street at Walmart. 👌 I knew I could make it better xD
the alt versions I made were an attempt at png, but I sadly don’t know how to make it work. Lol
I apologize :) at least you know I tried ❤️
maybe their is some way of editing it out 🥲
#wally darling#welcome home art#wally#frank frankly#wally x julie#julie joyful#poppy partridge#barnaby b beagle#Cute#maybe a t-shirt#Lol#im literally gonna make myself a t shirt#I love it so bad xD#No I’m not bragging#I’m simply praising Welcome home#You should too
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Hear me out… it’s the same character
#did this so quick on my lunch break#it all makes sense to me now#loved Puss in Boots as a kid#love Jaskier as a teen#like the cat again#full circle#I had to make the gifs myself too#praise me#and acknowledge that I’m right#puss in boots the last wish#Jaskier#Joey Batey#the Witcher#dandelion#puss in boots#shrek#Witcher#Dreamworks
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My most recent Peggy art.
#peggy carter#agent carter#captain carter#hayley atwell#procreate art#digital art#steggy#margaret carter#yeah her full government name#I’m trying to get interaction ok#I feel like these deserve praise if I do say so myself#is that bad to say#idk anyways I love her
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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@j-marlowe @yarrow-leaf @adamcyzk @adurna0 @robinovas
#im genuinely gonna cry#you guys are so sweet#i wish there was a good way to respond to reblogs#trying really hard to force myself to draw even when it doesn’t get a lot of attention or praise cause ultimately i’m doing it for me#but this sort of response to something i did makes me really really happy#ngl though waking up to 41 notifications is a little scary 😅#my art
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Finally deleted MyFitnessPal off my phone for my own personal sanity
#got some memories with that app#at first it was just sitting there bc I couldn’t stop myself from tracking the calories of some things#but after a 13 day streak shit could only get worse so I deleted it#proud of myself#that thing had me in chokehold last year did not want a repeat#tw myfitnesspal#tw mentions of eating disorder#random post#ooc post#kind of vent#???#started to wake up stressed out about what I’m gonna eat and I was like nooo not ts again#was literally restricting myself to 1200 cals a day AND IM 5’7#tw eating issues#sucks when you’re not even underweight so you don’t feel valid#waitttt I was not meant to trauma dump in this post#can we not bring being 2000s model skinny back into being trendy bc why are body types a tend in the first place#I can change fashion but definitely not my body#no bc this world is fucked up why was I scared to die alone bc I wasn’t skinny when I was literally 10#I hate that it’s normalized to praise people’s bodies#like idc if that makes me soft but a girl just living and everyone just talking about how good her body is#why is that okay bc yes it is positive but it also creates so many negatives#like does anyone get what I mean#it’s a compliment but it also makes everyone including that person afraid to be anything but ‘body goals’#idk how to explain it but like imo bodies shouldn’t serve aesthetic purposes#they actually have functions and needs and they allow us to live#tw body image issues#I hate wiead’s too but that’s just because why is everyone’s food so gourmet I literally just slap some butter onto toast lol#late night post
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#never thought I’d still be questioning my sexuality at almost 25 years old#I keep seeing things about how it can be hard to figure out your sexuality because we often grow up thinking male validation = good#and I’ve always said when I was younger that I wanted to marry a woman not a man#but ive had crushes on men but they never seem to last or I keep going back n forth on wether I like them or not and it just becomes this#toxic on and off kind of situation#also I only ever feel happy in a relationship with a man when they praise me or give me attention n compliments#i get the ick from men so fast and so easily but I feel like that could also be my bpd and I’m just splitting???#idk I’m attracted to men sometimes but I don’t ever see myself staying with a man forever#jas rants
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moodboard: all my finals are done and over so now i can frikkin relax
#WEEPS AND CRIES AND THROWS MYSELF TO THE GROUND HERE#I’M SO HAPPY IT WENT WELL AND THAT I DON’T HAVE TO STRESS ABOUT IT ANYMORE 😭😭😭#my korean teacher praised me and i could’ve weeped fr oh my gosh#dude i’m just so ;;;;;;;#i dunno what to do with myself now bc this has been my life for the last several days#do i lore dump bc the lore sure did come to me last night while i was trying to distract myself#do i work on replies and asks#well maybe i should play catch up first ASDGF#this is a whole weight off of my shoulders y’all i’m so relieved :’ )))#get ready to ramble | ooc
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Getting groceries, slap something in my mailbox for me to ponder later
#imboreddddd I need an excuse to crack open my inbox#questions comments concerns Ill try and get around to drawing my answers when I get back#btw I should mention. but i am so grateful when ppl take the time to send me compliments it makes my day#I just really really suck at responding to and accepting praise so it goes unanswered 99% of the time and I’m sorry!! I really love hearing#your thoughts I mean it!!! I just freeze up and I wish I could express myself better’!!!!#txt#yapping
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tag ramble
#so#nobody i’ve shared this with seems to care#but#i’m really proud of myself so my nine followers get to hear about it#i just! wrote a four part song! in a few hours!#it’s due sometime in spring#(i have until march)#but i talked about it with my teacher#there are multiple options for this requirement#and she said i should do the songwriting one#so! i hyperfixated and i worked on it for about 6 hours#and it’s done!! and i have to wait until monday to show her!!#but i don’t wanna wait#i’m so proud of myself#but again nobody i’ve told. really cares#so you guys get to see it#gesturing at my nine followers#very dramatically#anyway it’s really cool and it’s a capella cuz that’s one of the choirs i’m in#and it has a key change#and i just#i’m happy#and i want praise from my friends#bc i’m proud#they won’t it’s fine#i’m probably going to bed soon#okay byebye#bows to you
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I’m requesting yet again for yall not to leave me comments, I don’t need them and I don’t even necessarily want them. Especially if you’re going to question me and I don’t know you. I don’t care to defend myself. I hate conversing through comments, yeah I know it’s a thing but I don’t like it. I prefer messaging on tumblr or even an ask.
My reputation as a Shinichi hater is alive and well. Good, cause it’s true and I won’t deny it. I’ve been trying to escape this ship for years now and I still haven’t. I’ve said a million times I’m just here for Shiho, give me a better option and I’ll jump ships in a heartbeat! I just can’t get over how cruel he was to her, and how he tried to get into her good graces by pretending to be nice. Plus the canon ship propaganda is so tiring. Sure recently we’ve gotten some stellar moments and I try to focus on that, but I just think my queen deserves better. She deserves someone who can and will love her loudly without making her feel like they settled. Yes his actions speak louder than his words and it’s clear he cares about her, but then I get stupid shit about the canon ship and I’m just like really? This again? Give me a reason to root for them! Or at the very least let my queen live and let her move on. I could care less about him. Everyone fucking loves him already, where’s the love for my queen? I swear most fics go on about how perfect he is and how she’s the problem and how much she needs him, miss me with that bs. I get that in canon, and I’m so over it.
Now excuse me while I continue to write CoAi fics that end happily
Update: while I’m here ranting on my blog. I truly don’t understand why we continue to romanticize the idea of him being an idiot and expecting them to be closer when he didn’t fucking ask or make things clear. The amount of times I’ve heard my irl peeps complain about not knowing where they stand with someone cause it was never clarified is annoying. I don’t want that in fiction too even if I do prefer things to be realistic! Either let my queen make a move and be like this is what I want with you or have him say the actual words to get them together! What’s with all this not knowing and not being on the same page even though you’re supposed to know each other best??? Idk man. I just find it ooc for her to be open with her feelings so I think he has to be the one to spell it out. But then I read this fic and I’m like it’s well written sure but why is it my queen’s fault that she thinks they would be better off apart? That’s very in character to me. And yes him having a problem with it also makes sense, but then to have him go around and play the victim and be like why don’t you understand me???? Like what???? Boy you fucking didn’t say shit! And okay sure you can say she avoided him cause she would, but then why wouldn’t he be clear when they have the actual convo like why make her guess? She’s going to second guess cause of course she would! And that just makes it a whole mess again! Cause now he’s upset with her and she doesn’t get it and he still isn’t being straightforward. It’s 2024, is it really that hard to get a real confession out of him? Must it be coerced like whatever bs happened with the canon ship? Does he really have to lose her to finally go after her?? Cause at that point I low key fucking wish he would. I just really freaking hate that it’s always her fault. Why the fuck is it always her fault for not catering to him? I’m so annoyed cause I like the writing style but it’s exhausting reading this bs. I want out of this fandom. I really want to be done. I care way too fucking much and it’s not healthy at all for me.
#cynply ranting#I’m about to update my profile on ao3 again and say no comments#I don’t want to moderate them cause I’ll just delete and block if I’m not feeling it#but I also don’t want to disallow comments cause I do have some folks there that aren’t here#and it could be a genuine question but again I don’t know you and I don’t want to waste time explaining if you’re gonna fight me on it late#it’s always a struggle cause I pride myself on being an excellent commenter#so yall should just get on my level#not for my fics though go leave love letters for authors who want them#I don’t need validation or praise I’m just here#it’s nice if you’re gonna be kind but if you’re not then I don’t care#was having a discussion with my friend and he wanted constructive criticism and I’m like nope not me#I do this for fun I’m not looking to improve#I just want to get the idea out and be done with it#I have a real job that I love that takes most of my energy so I’m not pivoting into writing
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Fr I could not play around with my submissive praise kink irl because a dom could say one nice thing about me and I’d be in actual tears
#when the imposter syndrome is so stinky it stinks up your sex life#all I want is to be held and taken care of and treated like I’m something precious#but in reality I’d never be able to handle that because I wouldn’t be able to accept the praise#I wonder if sex/bdsm therapy can be like. healthy.#also just the general looming dread of humiliating myself or ruining the relationship#TMI Mitty
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forgot to say yesterday bc i was tired af, but p1h’s concert was so good!!!
#・ .˳⁺⁎ 𓂃 ⌗ ⠀:⠀ rants.#like i do wish i listened to myself and bought the svip tickets bc the members were RIGHT THERE#so i will def stop being a pussy and will buy them next time!#my throat hurts bc of all the yelling but it was worth it#i didn’t take much photos or videos bc i wanted to enjoy the moment#BUT THEY SANG BUTTERFLY I’M SO HAPPY#for that one i DID record fldkd#also… INTAK GRINDING ON THE FLOOR FOR HIS SOLO WAS A SURPRISE FLSKD#and soul freestyling for his one was amazing#JIUNG SANG JB’S BABY DKSKS#and keeho sang sza’a kill bill!#theo sang until i found you and it was amazing#and ofc jongseob did praise the lord!#the way everyone was singing along made it so much better
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