#so i wrote this to cope

[crustyfloor]

HyunA's love for humanity is such a strong and unique case, even in Alien Stage, a story that highlights love among a lot of other themes, in her songs, that part of her is put in the spotlight (Like in Drunk&party and Take My Hand). The compassion is in that HyunA believes that anyone can find the strength within themselves to keep persevering and living, even if humans are fragile she doesn't simply comply with it when she's determined. She acknowledges that all humans, even herself, have flaws and weaknesses, but they don't hold them back. Rather, they help them move forward, rather than stifling them She encourages people to just embrace it even if it's hard. It doesn't specifically come from a place of naivety, she simply believes humans can find that second chance, too shows in the way she accepts all of humanity because she acknowledges that humans have complexity (like inherent good and evil) The hope she has that humanity will continue to persevere and find courage where they can and learn to take agency in their lives no matter who they are is just her instinct. It's very understandable why she's always been seen as a sort of natural leader because of the motivational energy she has that people look up to.

It's so natural for her character to love freely and to have gone through so many experiences that didn't make her close off into a shell but want to break out of it and help others too, it's why she's so self-sacrificial and selfless, why she wanted to save those children before herself even though she would've realistically never been able to. Even if she hates Luka, her death is also a complex case... She offers him compassion and just the push he needs to change, to embrace his humanity because, underneath it all, that's just where her compassion lies. She loves and still makes music with strength in it (not as a product for the aliens, but as something that is completely her own, that's how she heals), and she wants to see other humans have courage and live, even if it hurts, to keep persisting. Even at her own expense sometimes, she will put herself on the line for others, to see them have strength, even if she is the one giving or the one hurting. Her story highlights the impact of finding community, embracing your humanity, and finding strength in both

[fatuismooches]

hii i really love the way you write dottore and his segments. i’m not sure if you’ve done this already, but would you write something like a really shy reader and akademiya dottore? like, zandik? i was thinking like zandik thinks shy reader is the least annoying person around the akademiya and he finds them a tiny bit cute

(//∇//)

Being in the Akademiya meant having a sufficient place to conduct research, but it was hindered by the amount of loud-mouthed, bumbling scholars he was constantly surrounded by. Peers going on and on about their superficial research... it was tiring, and yet Zandik was forced to work with them. But you, you were different.

It had taken a while for him to notice you (he tends not to pay attention to his classmates in general so that's already a feat) because no one seemed to talk to you. Were you perhaps, an outcast as well? Soon enough, Zandik found out it was not the case, you were simply shy. Someone who got quiet and timid in the presence of others. As rude as it might sound, he thought you were perfect to keep around. Someone who wouldn't rattle his eardrums the whole time!

So the next time another team project was assigned, he made his move. You rubbed your neck awkwardly, watching everyone scamper around for groups as you looked on helplessly. You always hated being left in the lurch like this, but by the time you built up any courage, everyone was already done. But that was when none other than the Outcast approached you with an unreadable look. You could already feel your heart racing and only responded with a slightly agape jaw and head nod.

In an odd way, it's a bit... nice to know you treat him in the same shy manner as you do with others. He's not singled out when you give him fluttering glances. But he is rewarded when you give him lengthier sentences and gentle smiles. Over time, he starts making excuses to keep you around more than what was required, although you're a bit confused. You'd thought he'd find you annoying by now, especially with your shyness, even more so when you compare it with his grouchy, more abrasive personality...

"Oftentimes, it's fools who have the biggest mouth that spew the most ludicrous ideas. Why do people listen to them? Because they believe that since someone is loud, they must be right. But you are different. I don't mind if you are shy. If anything, it makes your expressions more amusing."

[charon-cries]

when OTHER people try to distract or comfort themselves, they call it "coping" and "self-soothing," but when i do it, it's a "mental compulsion" and "you have OCD"

[burningcheese-merchant]

Dude why did I just realize just now that you're the same person that made that fic about fire spirt parenting tiger lily that I was obsessed with at one point

You mean Flaming Lullaby? You read that? And you liked it enough to be obsessed with it? 😭 This made my morning, honestly. I always loved that part of the hanja run comics, where Fire Spirit is tasked by Moonlight with looking after Tiger Lily. I know the comics were never canon, but I thought it was such a charming idea that I HAD to do something with it, you know? It has so much potential. So bittersweet. I love bittersweet things. It's canon to me haha

(There's one more chapter btw. A big, long epilogue set in the future, when Tiger Lily is grown. I wrote the outline eons ago, all I need to do now is write the actual chapter haha. I'll try getting to it after some other stories I need to get started on)

[kira-loves0905]

Zayne can pretty much have a decent memory of his drunk stupors.

but this night, it felt different. he was so high off charts he just knew that he can peacefully accept not even remembering this the next day.

so high.

so good.

so intoxicating.

she was a beauty, one that catched his eye— no, she captured his soul. gripping it tightly that it would hurt if he was far from her. Zayne can resign to his fate, he can drown in your love. he just needed you. all of you.

"you did that on purpose," gripping your chin firmly with one hand, the other on the small of your back. "bargaining with sweets."

the effect of the special treat made him woozy. his mouth slurring to a rhythm of words he doesn't use often, but when he does, you know you're done for.

though, his movements were still gentle, the same Zayne that swept you off your feet.

his grunts and quiet whimpers ring your ears. the clatter of books, the tantalizing graze of his hand on the plush of your thighs, the soft thud of your body against the window. everything was a blur with his myriad of affections.

"I can't," Zayne grips your arm, a warring battle to himself. leaning his head against your shoulder.

all this time, he stopped himself from pursuing past this. like a line he shouldn't cross.

he can't...

or won't?

but would he really let go of this moment? this tension that built up to the brim, bursting to the seams on how he kept holding back.

Zayne knew his decisions doesn't only affect himself, but also you.

how many times should he keep you hanging? to be this patient (pun intended) little lover of his, he's amazed you haven't gone mad (yet).

can he keep up the pretense of being preserved? his body won't move to what his mind screams for him, to pull away. and so, his heart finally decides what he truly desires.

it ends today.

[buttercupshands]

MHA didn't create some miracle way of helping others. It was never promised to be this way. And when it came to villains...

Spoilers for manga all the way to chapter 423.

The only way to get anything in life in MHA was to be born "normal" like everyone else and that way of thinking never left Izuku with Toga getting the same treatment she did before from everyone from her family to her "normal" classmates. It was Ochako who helped Toga even if just a little by lifting the weight of all the feelings that Toga had.

She couldn't save Toga the way one could save a civilian by saving them from harm. If it worked that way Dabi would've saved Toga even before Ochako could apologize for failing to notice Toga. She was so lazer focused on saving everyone else, that she was just another villain to stop, not a human.

Even if by the end of it Ochako helped Toga to deal with her grief, acceptance as it was wasn't something possible when a quirk makes you want to drink someone's blood from jealousy.

We got a bittersweet ending with Toga, in which she probably died from blood loss just like her double did in MVA. If it wasn't for Twice she would've died back then.

Giving away her blood for Ochako wasn't a redemption or a way to save Toga in the end, more as it was her being true to herself until the very end.

Just like Twice chose to stay with the League even if Hawks offered him a way to survive that battle. He refused and died protecting his friends who accepted him instead of choosing to betray them and accept Hawks' offer.

After Twice's death... It was a matter of time that more 'active' LoV members would join him as well. As sad as it is, we now can return to Izuku.

Who, after his time OFA-AFO quirk space, now wanted to help a "crying boy" he saw in Tenko just as before with Katsuki in chapter 1. He didn't forgive Tomura and didn't excuse the way he chose to solve his problems.

It didn't mean that Tomura would survive in their battle, even if Izuku didn't see killing others as a way to solve problems. He didn't understand Tomura, but he still wanted to try, and try he did.

The rest of this post was nothing more than a contextual prologue to understand that it's not the first time a hero failed to save a villain and in Twice's case we know that he died and his death was the reason Toga started thinking about her own possible death and Dabi finally revealed himself as Toya.

The goal of saving a "crying boy" never was an end-goal for Izuku in the Final arc, since helping Tomura deal with his feelings just left him hollow with a goal that clashed with Izuku's. As being a hero for villains meant destroying the world for them to help them live freely.

But that was before AFO resurfaced.

Sadly after that Tomura who was talking about making his own choices for a while now stopped doing that. Even if he still had a goal of helping villains and only villains, Tomura was almost gone. And his goals were now unreachable.

Izuku helped Nana who in turn kept Tomura from fading away entirely. In MHA there were countless situations where Izuku's help affected people by helping a different person to keep hope, All-Might being the first one and Nana being the last one at the moment.

Hollow after Izuku helped him to get rid of his hatred Tomura could do the only thing he did - accept the situation as it was.

Accepting AFO as his Sensei, accepting Stain's ideals and Overhaul's deal was the way he solved his problems. Just like Izuku had a problem of understanding something outside of his norm, Tomura was accepting too many things, which lead to his downfall after accepting AFO's quirk.

Just like Twice could've given up everything that he had for his friends so did Tomura.

With Izuku helping as much as he could let Tomura to finally rest as he wasn't really living ever since waking up in the hospital. With his body now affected by AFO's wishes instead of his own until the end.

In a way Izuku didn't succeed in his wish for Tomura to stop ever since PLF war arc. As he "kept fighting to destroy" no matter how hard Izuku tried to stop him.

The only thing he succeeded in was changing Tomura's mind about himself, instead of viewing himself as a monster he accepted that he was a human just like Izuku said. A "crying boy" who couldn't really destroy Izuku's hands in the end.

For a group of Villains who weren't supposed to get profiles of their own at the start of the series, League is slowly fading as the most memorable group that there was in MHA, getting backstories, their own Villain themed arc all the while being as human as anyone else.

As sad as their story is they were not "unlucky", they didn't need a happy false ending where they would need to change to be normal - they chose to live this way and they lived it to it's fullest.

[aliennazero]

☆Headcanon: brother-sister coding, hear me out

I need to get this post done before whatever that will happen in chapter 192. So even if I only got two more days for this theory to be around, I'll be glad that I finally let this out from my chest after a while. So, don't take whatever I will ramble about as something super serious.

First of all, maybe you guys will look at me and says, "what the fuck Alie they're like two different unrelated characters" and while that's true for now and so far, I just... can't really took my eyes off from this "siblings coding" the more I read Chainsaw Man. And I have some reasons and theories why (disclaimer: I did a crazy reach all over the direction) and I found it very interesting.

Reason no. 1: Their First Meeting & Re-occurence

Hirofumi is the first part 1 character that Asa meets (even before Denji). So, I think it's reasonable for me—the reader to be intrigued on what is Fujimoto's plan for their seemingly "not important" (but why be the first?) relationship.

My initial thought is that: oh, they might become friendlier in the future or even become lifelong enemies. Then I remember Hayakawa Family—Aki and Power as the first ever Denji's buddy, specific on Power.

Because even though narratively and character writing-wise Power and Hirofumi are fundamentally different, both of them are written initially to form false narratives that they'll become a token love interest for our protagonist(s) aren't they? They also share a somewhat similar strawberry cake motive, makes me wonder why.

Alsoooo, I think the way Hirofumi & Asa's Devil Hunter Club "date" being portrayed as very differently from Hirofumi + Denji and Hirofumi + Fami "cafe date" (a.k.a. work-related mandated date) is important, somehow.

Reason no. 2: Personal Motives and Untold Family Narratives of Asa Mitaka

We know since the very first time we met her that Asa is very lonely and her motives circling around getting a companion (either a boyfriend or a friend) and living selfishly (which as we can see right now is backfired rapidly, but I'll talk about this separately later, maybe in the future).

However, there's one aspect of her motives that's kinda underlooked, and it's her relationship with family member. Yes, we got a glimpse of Asa and her mom (never with her father so far) and Asa with her lovely pet—Crambon, however they already died years ago, and Asa blame herself for it.

It's unfair that in this world, she still had her family, as they said. So maybe she already gives up on that idea. Which is where the true weights of this headcanon come from. What if, she still could have it? Even though she never asked for this directly. Her getting a family again that she was maliciously accused of unfairly having, could be very nice, actually. Even if it's a very insufferable or a miserable mess workaholic kind of brother (or twin brother).

Reason no. 3: Hirofumi's Motives

This deserves its very own post just like my plan to talks more about Asa's living selfishly motive but to make it simple, Hirofumi lied at the very start because he already formed a parasocial relationship with both Asa and Denji by giving them options to have a somewhat nicer normal life (Denji not becoming Chainsaw Man, and Asa making a distance from Denji to prevent her from turning him into her weapon and thus also prevented her to feel down because of the guilt) even though he knows that another choice never really exist to begin with.

(Asa doesn't necessarily have to be his sister to add more depths to this motive. I just think won't it be very funny if Hirofumi was like collecting information all around, confirming that Asa Mitaka is indeed the incarnation of War Devil in weird case then he took a look at her Koseki then boom they have the same dad!? What the fuck was that. Here comes new responsibility that his father left behind, I guess)

As what we know so far, Hirofumi took his job and his responsibility very seriously and very neat about which one he could improve or "change" for everyone's sake involved. IF Hirofumi and Asa are indeed siblings (or half siblings) however, this gives more explanation on his involvement and his own personal interest. Hirofumi is not easy to read, but he still overshares to Asa (chapter 121 when he agrees on Asa's takes about solitude) and "taking care" of her.

Reason no. 4: Just Take a More Look at Them

Taller than average? Check. More athletic than average? Check. Insane face card? Check. Unbelievable amount of yearning? Check. Arguably suicidal? Check.

Both of them being a human stuck in status quo between human vs devil war like hostages in their own prison—Hirofumi stuck as hollow used cop for Public Safety and Asa stuck as War Devil very own vessel—with absolutely nothing, no one really on their side (Fumiko and Fami as mean of even more control over both of them)? Check.

Even as concept alone, child soldier and war maiden incarnate siblingsm could be developed to be something, very interesting.

Okay, now into more theories territory.....

Theory no. 1: Asa and Hirofumi are the Result of Kishibe Fucking Around and Found Out Post Quanxi Rejection Era

Why Kishibe would do that? Idk but it's a funny math because if Kishibe is in his early 50 now then 17 years ago would be him in his 30s. If Kishibe become devil hunter in his early 20s and meet Quanxi shortly after that and become buddies for 9 years then, the year just lined up lmao. How much chances of them being an oopsies baby thus explaining their very different last names but strangely similar physiques and even narratives? Not zero.

There are two options regarding this though. It's either they're twin siblings or half siblings. Half siblings mean they have different mothers but same dad, and twin siblings mean they have same mother but got separated at some point during their lifetime (Hirofumi went with Kishibe and Asa went with her mama who probably re-marry or just simply raising Asa alone and lying about her dad getting eaten by devil or something because her love story with that drunkard crazy man is just that bad).

Kishibe avoiding child support for 17 years and this is the consequences, also both of them got their ass kicked out by the very same lesbian who rejects their father, I'll say it's a beautiful storytelling.

Theory no. 2: Sinister Look on Vol 17 Cover and "Hirofumi will appear in Asa's Dream"

We will get into a more sinister area here because I believe the Makima-esque vibes, "necessary evil" narratives Hirofumi brought up to the table are not coincidences or neglectable at all. Even more sinister because his cover is him standing in front of alleyway just like how Makima cover is her in front of the door in Denji's dream.

Which led me to think that this could indicate something. However, kinda different on how it was portrayed, I think this make things clear that Hirofumi is not endgame antagonist since his cover came a bit too early than what we—the reader anticipated (there is absolutely no fucking nobody in the fandom that expecting Hirofumi to get a cover during before the cover reveal). However, he might be the key into Asa's end dream reveal later on.

Maybe he will appear on her dream being vague as fuck, or maybe direct her dream into a more "false happiness" directions since all he did is lying (see reason no. 3) to distract her focus on dead chickens. Personally, I think the latter will be more interesting because it will be the opposite of what Makima did in Denji's dream, if this "Hirofumi will appear in Asa's dream sooner or later" theory is true. The government and the church need Asa in her stable conditions to unleash Yoru anyway.

"Then what does this imply into your siblings theory"—because siblings should take care of each other, ideally. And I think it will add more depth, if true of course.

Theory no. 3: Hirofumi Cares About Asa (maybe more than what we see on-screen)

To put on more disclaimer, this is just what I imagine to fill out the gap in between narratives and it connects to reasons number 3 (again). Despite how he positions himself and blending in the crowd like invincible, Hirofumi is actually easy to care and feel guilty too (and the reason why he could kill the Immortal Brother assassin in part 1 is because he has the ignorance privilege, but with both Denji and Asa? Not so much).

I have no strong basis for this theory I just have my own feelings and a dream, and this is basically what I think Hirofumi has done so far for Asa (subtle) in the story:

Hirofumi just let Yuko loose and kill Asa's bullies during Justice Devil Arc. This may sound dark, but it fit his character in a way that he's okay with doing violence as long as it could benefit his mission (and maybe this time his personal interest too). Because he knows Asa got bullied at school. If this could solve her bullying problems, then why not? That's why Hirofumi is just sitting around during the whole fight until Denji interfered.

Hirofumi is the one who brought Asa to hospital after Falling Devil Arc (which is somehow in line for how I think he's Denji blood-giver in the same arc). Because well, I don't think Public Safety cared enough to get her conditions checked, but Hirofumi is aware about her injury conditions (arguably this is so that she could be a bargaining chip for Denji but we know that the main chip is Nayuta, I think Hirofumi just want to let him know just because also let me have this imagination for the sake of this agenda).

The reason why Hirofumi didn't or more likely can't kill Asa during CSM Church Arc is not necessarily just because War Devil has become stronger. Paneling focus on their face's expressions indicate that Hirofumi just can't bring himself more to do so (after he saw Asa's hand and her in pain), thus making him fail this mission to capture War Devil dead or alive. It's the guilt kicking in.

I think Hirofumi is somewhat relieved after he saw Asa's hands are back (yay) in Aging Devil Arc. Also, that's what he put his focus on FIRST after he got vomited out before asking his own situation even.

Personal View and The Main Takeaway (really): I need this to be real just because I think it will be so fucking funny

To end this unbelievably long ass post, I think it's important to note again that they have like five screentime together and I'm just insane. But if I should be honest, this is not me being rational at all, I just think the whole situation would be funny up to seven more factors if my ramblings are true.

Because this headcanon imply that the fandom meltdown towards them (as individuals or as in characters dynamics) is unnecessary at all. Like aside from Hirofumi being read mainly as queer, maybe him acting kind of mean and nonchalantly distant (and somewhat awfully playful) towards Asa are just because he like being petty and doesn't want to look like he wants to bang his sister (as a sister myself, yes I do feel the need to annoy my other siblings whenever I can just because I could and it doesn't have to be hatred, sometimes it's the love aggression kicking in).

Lastly, thank you guys for coming to my yapping ted talks.

[nonbinarylesbianherb]

guys so overall we know there’s going to be 9 episodes, we’ve already (supposedly) had the trials for jen, alice and agatha, which leaves rio, teen and lilia, which is 3 more episodes, our last one was 5 so it means the trials end at episode 8,

leaving us one more episode.

“episode 9 will be the episode that ties it all together that’s why there’s no trials left for it”

WRONG!!

episode 9 is actually just an entire filler episode of agathario going at it for 30 minutes TRUE!!!

[charlescoded]

pairing: lestappen word count: 1.3k rated gen. shapeshifting. charles turned into a cat. post-austria 2019. pre-relationship

“Sorry baby,” Max says, and Charles’ chest feels tight. “I want to rewatch the race from last Sunday.” He explains.

-

Max finds a kitten after Austria 2019, he doesn't know it's Charles.

[xdacted]

not here

Pairing: Reader x Carlos Sainz Jr.

Warnings: pure 100% fluff, nothing but fluff, the tiniest hint of angst, but mostly fluff

Word Count: 500

Status: Completed

Carlos didn’t get to see her as often as he wanted. 

He didn’t even get to see her as often as he needed. There was always something pulling him away. Always a phone call to be taken, an autograph to be signed, an interview to be helped - always something. 

But not now. 

Not here. 

Not in the quiet hours of the morning, just before daybreak, the sun resting below the horizon. The moon cast pure light through the windows, moonbeams dancing across their sheets, stars twinkling beside them. Her arms curled around a pillow, legs tangled together. He didn’t know where he began and she ended, but he liked it that way. The lingering night breeze brushed against his bare skin, sweeping through the windows. The world outside fluttered awake, but Carlos had her here. 

Pressed to her back, arms tucked around her waist, buried in the thicket of her hair. Carlos couldn’t see her face, but he had memorized it. Each shadow, each line, each curve - each beautiful feature was committed to memory. The soft sound of her snores filled their room, her heartbeat steady against his skin. 

Not a thing could reach them here. 

He liked it that way. 

Carlos leaned down, pressing a chaste kiss to the exposed skin of her shoulder, “Hermosa.”

His voice was too quiet to wake her, but he liked to see her nose twitch at the sound. 

Beautiful. 

Moments like these, where the world seemed to still for just a second, made the distance agonizing. Separated by oceans, miles of land, hours of the day - it was painful. Race weekends were filled with exhilaration and adrenaline. Race weekends were also filled with a clawing sense of breathlessness. 

He couldn’t breathe. 

But here, laying beside her without a care in the world, he breathed. 

Carlos breathed. 

Inhaling the scent of her shampoo and the dying hints of her perfume, she filled his lungs.

He breathed. 

She turned in his arms with a heavy sigh, burrowing into his chest. Carlos couldn’t help but smile, tightening his arms around her. 

He didn’t see her as often as he wanted, but she was here now. 

Behind him, the sun began to rise, warmth trailing up his back. Soft rays crawled up the sky, spilling across her skin, and coiling in her hair. Carlos leaned down, pressing another kiss to her cheek and neck. She groaned, scrunching her eyebrows together. 

A gentle laugh rumbled from his chest, dropping another kiss to her nose, “Hermosa…”

“...stop watching me sleep…”

Her voice was scratchy and unused, the corner of her lip quirked to reveal the smallest hint of a smile. 

“But you’re so beautiful,” He whispered, nuzzling into her neck, “How can I help myself?”

A giggle fell from her lips like wind chimes singing together - beautiful. 

“It’s creepy,” She stretched, arms winding around his neck, “Better only be for me.”

“Of course,” He said, “No one but you.”

After all, not a thing could reach them. 

Not here. 

_____________________

A/N:This work has been cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3. All are under the name XDACTED. Thank you for reading and feel free to request fics about any of the drivers <3

Also this is my attempt at trying to get out of my writing slump, it's short, it's sweet. I like it, so pls enjoy

[basedonconjecture]

I think it’s less that Lucanis dislikes planning or does not plan (I think he quite likes having A Plan, actually, if only to riff off of and even if that plan js extremely simple a la stabbing a cloud) so much as he enjoys looking for and/or leaving himself room for improvisation. He is a professional who has been doing practically the same job for years. If you believe he’s been taking contracts since he was at least 18, and that he’s 35ish by the time of Veilguard, that’s nearly two decades of working as an assassin, with an unknown chunk of that time dedicated to specializing in mage-killing. Long enough to know even the most well-thought out plan will go awry in his line of work simply for who his targets often are. Long enough to have gained the level of experience necessary to be able to improvise as successfully as he does. It’s the difference between a professional athlete/musician/artist and a hall of famer. It’s the thing that sets him apart from any other Crow and makes his particular set of skills needed by the Veilguard team.

We know that he’s good at his job, enough to have a reputation outside of the Crows for his work, and part of that is, yes, presenting as bit of a wild card to would-be enemies so that he doesn’t become predictable. Which… does actually require a level of forethought to keep from unintentionally falling into the same patterns. We see in WMJ how much pre-planning went in to getting inside the party—unless you believe he just has enough latent knowledge of Vyrantium’s layout to be able to use the aqueducts or that all elves just inherently trust him with their secret passages or that he dragged Illario along with him and gave him access to the dossier he wrote on the target for no reason. Also, too, if you believe said dossier does not contain anything he would have had to spend time gathering and compiling and only info he got… passively? I guess??

Most of his behavior in Veilguard reads to me as someone who is internalizing enough failure to doubt all of his abilities and also is reacting to the reality they know too little about what they’re up against—improvisation is really all he’s able to do. Setting aside the fact that he’s not the boss of this job and consistently offers his thoughts during team meetings, the whole team is flying by the seat of their pants and relying on their skills to carry them through. This is reinforced over and over again as the plot progresses. More to the point, it’s consistently highlighting how high the stakes actually are and how skilled the team is that they’re able to keep adapting.

Idk it’s just more interesting to me that Lucanis seems to be someone who thinks in terms of variables (to say nothing of what the unpredictability of his childhood likely endowed him with irt how he approaches the world) and leans into his ability to pivot and adapt (which is not a skill many people have or understand irl tbh and it is a skill), not because of an allergy to planning or inability to stick to a plan, but because he does plan enough and is so confident in what he does that he intentionally leaves himself room to go off script when it becomes necessary— and for him it is a when, not an if. Something something his rebellions against Caterina. It makes his self-doubt in VG hit harder, tbh. The one thing he’s been raised to be good at and he’s failing at it. It’s gifted child burn out in extreme mode while he’s working under conditions he legitimately cannot plan for in the way he would any other contract. Which the team keeps having to remind him of.

It is additionally more interesting to me that Lucanis is someone who has earned his ability to improvise over some… natural ability at winging it and keep coming out alive bc idk assassin prodigy.

[electricbathsalt]

It’s starting to feel like the vagueness of Chisaki’s story is in of itself part of his story.

He was a child surviving on the streets after whatever event it was that liberated him from AFO’s care. We don’t see any of that, though—we cut forward to him being taken in by Pops. It shows that Pops is “kind” and “generous”, how he helped Chisaki. How Chisaki got involved with the Shie Hassaikai, why he’s so attached, to the point of doing all he did.

The only parts of his past we get to see where he’s not in the presence of someone else, are the ones that are relevant to someone else’s story (him using rats to figure out Eri’s quirk, him being in the orphanage which we now know was shown to foreshadow the Decay-Overhaul reveal, and his side of that is not touched upon at all).

We’ve all talked endlessly about how short and unclear Chisaki’s backstory is. It’s like they made it as perfectly concise as possible, only what was necessary to push the plot forward and explain what’s going on.

Maybe it’s that the actual point of Chisaki’s story is that his story is not meant to be told, because that is his “tragedy”. Chisaki was never meant to be witnessed in his entirety. His story was never meant to be his own. He will always serve as a tool to someone else’s.

[ecoustsaintmein]

covet, part iii of ???

part i here | part ii here | part iv here | part v here

pairing: paddy x eoin; rating T (so far), slow burn. hurt/comfort. angst. unreliable narrator (paddy i'm looking at you)

based on this tumblr post by @cloudyfacewithjam:

"Canon Divergence AU: Paddy gave the Claddagh ring to Eoin as a friendship gift back in Ireland, and Eoin kept it during and after the war despite their falling out (because they were both stupid and emotionally compromised). They eventually reconcile, but after a while, Paddy notices that the ring has changed its placement - and he promptly loses his mind, while Eoin is stoically silent about it."

--

he walks with a limp, now, and a stick. the way stirling did when he spoke to paddy in jail, to coax him into joining the sas.

except paddy's much older now. his bones creak the loudest even with the tiniest movements. he doesn't know if these scars will ever heal. between the agony of his body and the pains of his soul, paddy thinks, i need something to distract myself. i need to immerse myself in work, even if i hate it. i need to help around the house, help francie and barbara, even if i don't know how to. i will learn how to smile and stand up straight even if it kills me.

but at night he will go to sleep and feel helpless. feel like he is nothing but a burden, a useless impostor who's got no reason to be the secretary of whatever and whichever society, or the man of the house since billy left. he's an invalid.

he can't even mow the lawn right. he goes to work and groans when the meetings go on and on about choosing stationery and furniture instead of actual solicitors' work. he goes to the shops with barbara and gets irritated by the time it takes to choose between four types of butter, or the queue at the cashiers, or the way people stare at him between the awe and the fear. he goes home and the door to the study needs fixing. the hinges fall off. he lost the screws and he lost his mind.

eoin finds him throwing vases at the door, smashed and broken. the rug is wet and the flowers wilt next to the monster that paddy's become. shattered glass pieces on the floor, akin to the shattered remnants of paddy's sanity. eoin tiptoes around the broken glass the way he tiptoes around paddy, crouches next to him, saying, paddy.

paddy.

paddy.

i'm worried about you. let me help you.

paddy snarls at him then, the way he's never snarled at eoin before. this is how he knows he's sick, though he doesn't want to admit it out loud. he says, i dont need help. help is for the weak and i don't want your pity. you've got your life and i've got mine. this is what i look forward to every day, this waking nightmare. i relive the wars of the old days when i go to bed and wake up to a raging battle inside my own head. there is no respite. there is nothing to live for, now, save for the mundane.

aye, eoin sighs. i know this is not the desert, paddy. this is not sicily or normandy. i know even if it's home, it's not home for you. the world's changed and i know it's hard work to adapt. but i know you, paddy. you always adapt even if you'll do it kicking and screaming, but let me help you. i can't help you if you're not willing to let me help you.

you sound like stirling, paddy huffs. you have your own life now and I've got mine, eoin. this is my battle to fight now, not yours.

eoin clenches his jaw, brows furrowed. i've got one more year in trinity, paddy. then I'll come back up. I'll come back here to work. i'll come back.

but paddy's not listening. what is eoin saying, when he says that he'll come back? come back where? come back to paddy? to flaunt his perfect life with his perfect smile and a perfect wife? while paddy is languishing?

but then, paddy thinks: eoin deserves a good life. he's a good soul. he deserves to have a perfect life with his perfect smile and a perfect wife, even while paddy languishes.

i saw you die, paddy says, instead. closes his eyes. tries to shake the image away.

that wasn't me, paddy, eoin says, as if he knows about the dreams that paddy's been having. the shame of it makes paddy angry, the fact that eoin's seen him like that. so he lashes out, even when eoin's trying to show kindness.

paddy spits, you can help me, eoin. if it would please you to help me. please go back to dublin with siobhan and leave me alone, because there's nothing you can do here for me.

he is bitter and eoin looks at him like he's a lost cause. paddy had been unyielding then, many years ago, when he'd grabbed that captain's balls despite eoin's pleading. paddy's seen the way he's knocked off his king on the chessboard, as if to say, i give up.

eoin's got the same look on his face now.

as if to say, i'm giving up on you.

back in heliopolis, in that mess hall, paddy's had the captain to direct his rage.

now, there is no one here but eoin; sweet lovely eoin. so paddy directs it at the one person that hasn't deserved it one bit. even if paddy hasn't meant to. the words come rushing out before he could stop himself. if he could swallow them back in, no matter how venomous, he would. even if it kills him.

but they're out and paddy can't take them back and eoin's hurt. paddy could see it in his eyes.

quietly eoin picks up the broken pieces of glass. holds them gingerly in between his long, beautiful fingers. the claddagh ring glinting in the afternoon light. i don't want you to get hurt, paddy, he says. even if it's the last thing I'll ever do for you.

then, eoin leaves.

--

two months later, paddy writes: sorry, eoin. please forgive me for all the things that i've said and done.

eoin replies, there's nothing to be sorry about. are you getting the help you need, paddy?

this life is not for me, eoin, paddy's written back. purposefully ignoring eoin's question about getting help. and then: i keep seeing you die, in my dreams.

i'm here, eoin reassures him.

i'm here, and i'm alive, paddy.

--

don't worry about me, eoin says. i worry about you.

--

paddy spends his time composing letters and managing people and administrative work. they bore him to death, but he's coping.

for eoin's sake, and for his family's sake. he will cope. even if it's out of spite, sometimes.

he drinks, and he drinks, though it's not as if other people don't.

he gets a tiny bit giddy when he gets the post and he sees an envelope stamped at dublin. after what he's done, he's surprised that eoin still replies to him, after what he's said.

out of courtesy, he asks, how siobhan's been doing.

aye, eoin replies, she's well. she asks after you, too.

what paddy doesn't ask, is 'what is siobhan to you?' instead he asks, 'have you seen any rugby? i'm coming down for a match. maybe we could meet.' he tells eoin the date and the time.

eoin says, 'i've got an exam i need to study for, so i'll have to miss the match. but maybe we can meet after?'

aye, paddy thinks. he'll take that.

he'll take what he can get, even if he doesn't deserve eoin's kindness.

--

the problem with the drink and the morphine and the hypnosis sessions he's been going to, is this:

it doesn't mix well when paddy's in a rowdy crowd, in a rugby stadium in dublin.

eoin and his mam and francie and barbs have been asking him to get help, so begrudgingly, he did. except he thinks that dr taylor is a quack with his freudian-jungian method and the dreams get worse. so he self-medicates.

they don't mix well when paddy's in a rowdy crowd, in a pub in dublin.

so he drinks, and he drinks some more, and thinks --

yes, i'll go and find somewhere familiar to go to, even if i can't see eoin tonight.

it's not home, but at least it'll be close enough.

--

this is how he finds himself in a jail cell in dublin, and eoin bailing him out:

he didn't realize that the house he went to was categorically not the rugby club he once attended in his youth. he didn't realize that he'd punched a senator in the face and destroyed his furniture. he didn't realize that he'd passed out, until he woke up in a cell.

and eoin was outside the locked bars, watching him, waiting, waiting.

like he always does.

now, why does this feel so familiar? eoin asks, rhetorical, when paddy stirs. he manages to sit up straight, not without a loud groan, his back curved against the wall. ah, yes, eoin chuckles to himself. i bailed you out the last time you were in jail, too.

the police officer unlocks the cell and gestures for paddy to leave. eoin tuts and shrugs at the officer, smiling a cheeky smile. as if taunting them, eoin walks out of the gloomy station with paddy, whistling away, like he's got no care in the world.

the sun shines bright in paddy's eyes. but in that moment, eoin seems to shine even brighter.

--

why don't you stay with me for a bit? eoin asks.

i can't, paddy says. you've got exams to study for. i've got to go back to belfast, there's ma, there's work.

maybe you should take a holiday. maybe you can help me study, eoin insists. after all, aren't you the secretary of the incorporated law society of northern ireland? paddy scoffs at eoin's jest, before eoin purses his lips and falls silent.

and maybe, eoin says, almost a whisper, maybe i can help you, too.

paddy takes a sharp, deep breath.

help with what, eoin doesn't say.

--

Eoin thinks:

It's not home, for Paddy at least, but at least it'll be close enough.

--

An Interlude:

Eoin remembers the turmoil of warfare. It’s become part of him; formative in the way discipline is drilled into him and a saving grace when it keeps his cool under pressure. This was what he learnt in Ballymena with the Ulster Rifles, and then the 10 Commando.

But the war became more fucked up. So the only way to win is to become fucked up. Who in their right minds would go behind enemy lines and do the things they did? Who would've jumped out of a perfectly good airplane? And Paddy had marched into the calamity, chaos blazing, and yet they've all eventually turned out alright. 

When Lewes died and Stirling Junior was captured, Eoin's noticed how Paddy became more unsure of himself, doubting his own leadership capabilities. Eoin could have laughed at that, because he'd never doubted it for one second. Yes, Paddy was insane. Yes, Paddy was unhinged. But so were Jock and Tonkin and Fraser. They all had to be. Nobody would've screwed up in the SAS, unless GHQ wanted them to screw up. Paddy was just trying to look out for his men.

Paddy was just trying to look out for him.

--

The long walk home is frighteningly silent.

The metal key is warm between Eoin's fingers. He feels the burn of Paddy's stare on his skin, intently studying him while Eoin goes through the mundane motions of opening a locked door. He steps into the darkness of his flat, before Paddy follows right behind and switches on the lights. The door clicks shut, with Paddy standing between Eoin and the front door, quietly gauging Eoin's reaction.

Paddy looks angry. He always does, but here, in Eoin's private space, he looks angrier than ever. Uncomfortable.

Back in 1941, Paddy's always had something to rile against. Then they joined the SAS and Paddy was in his element. This cloying domesticity that he's living in now, at Mount Pleasant, is not it. Paddy is a Lewes bomb waiting to explode. And Eoin knows that Paddy tries to douse the fire with drink and pain medications. Francie's told this as much to him.

Paddy needs someone to rile against, and Eoin doesn't want it to be Paddy himself.

So Eoin offers the next best thing.

He says, "Paddy? Hit me."

Paddy's eyes widen with disbelief. As if surprised that Eoin's been the madman all along. "What the fuck are you on about?"

"Hit me," Eoin repeats himself, slower, calmer. "I know you've been angry about a lot things. So hit me."

"I don't want to hurt you."

Eoin tilts his head and narrow his gaze. "But you've thought about it. You want to hurt something. Hurt me."

"No," Paddy says, firm. Loud. Clear.

"I'm not fragile, Paddy. I can fight. You've seen me fight, so fucking hit me, yeah? And I will hit you back. Just because you fucking hurt your back doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you."

Paddy still stares at him incredulously, although Eoin could sense that his alcohol-fogged brain is turning, whirring, analysing. Eoin takes the brief moment to step closer to Paddy and flicks his left ear with his thumb and forefinger. A cheeky taunt. Eoin grins like a madman when he sees Paddy's throat move, letting out a menacing growl.

"So, you think you're that good, pretty boy?" Paddy asks.

"Old man," Eoin jeers, not unkindly. "Show me what you're made of."

"Fuck you."

"Well," Eoin tuts. "Fuck youse too."

Paddy stands tall, and nearly menacing in this light. He's restless on his feet, with his hair coiffed up to give him the extra height he doesn't need. It is also Paddy, who eventually lunges first, full of fury and despair. Yet -- tactically advantageous, swift, precise.

Eoin very nearly fumbles in surprise, but only nearly – and he wishes that there's a different way to do this, to tame Paddy's id. But they're here now, between the four walls of Eoin's flat. He wishes he could just evade Paddy's advances, but Eoin's mind decides to retaliate, to think one step ahead. He steps to the side causing Paddy to lose his balance, and Eoin takes that chance to hold Paddy in his grip, seeing as Eoin still has the physical advantage of being taller. Paddy tries to free himself, but fails to do so, so they end up struggling while holding onto each other, panting into each other’s skin, while trying to make the other lose his balance.

Eventually Paddy manages to slip away from Eoin’s hold, throwing him off-kilter, causing him to fall down – but Eoin grabs Paddy in a headlock instead, breathing into the crook of Paddy's neck. He sees a trickle of sweat running down Paddy's neck, and while Eoin's never been the most religious, he swears to God that he wishes he’d never seen that. He wishes that the thought of wanting to lick the spot and taste the salt on Paddy's skin, has never crossed his mind. The thought of wanting to leave a bite mark to claim Paddy as his.

But this is a civilised world for civilised men.

They were no longer the men that they were.

When it was the desert, and him, and Paddy.

Paddy uses the opportunity of Eoin's momentary lapse in concentration to roll them over, tangling his legs with Eoin’s, before clamping down directly above him. Making sure that Eoin has no room to escape beneath Paddy. Eoin could easily kick back, but he is lost in Paddy's feral grin, before it changes to something completely different in a split second. It reminds Eoin of the night when Paddy's asked if Eoin would come to Burma with him. It reminds Eoin of the day when he's told Paddy that he would join the SAS too. The slight elation, the anticipation in Paddy's gaze. And now, as Eoin is trapped beneath the warmth of Paddy's weight, he realizes that Paddy's expression is exactly the same. Except -- Paddy's pupils are blown wide, there's a tenderness there that Eoin's never allowed himself to see before, his face close, as Paddy dips his head down lower, lower–

Paddy hesitates, just for a brief moment, and Eoin uses this chance to knee him in the chest before rolling them around again, straddling Paddy in the process. Paddy wriggles underneath him, as Eoin pins his arms above his head, leaning down – and it seems that Paddy’s fighting spirit seems to have waned, as he resists less and less. Completely giving in to whatever Eoin is doing to him, his mouth partially open and eyes half-lidded, all while staring up back at Eoin.

Eoin has to close his eyes for a brief second, before Paddy’s hips snap up. Eoin opens his eyes and stifles a gasp when Paddy lets out his name, 'Eoin', gutturally. As if begging him to do something more. Begging him for something that the world will curse them for.

This isn’t sparring.

This isn't Paddy being angry.

This, Eoin doesn't even know what this is.

--

"Paddy, talk to me."

"I can't," Paddy says.

He can't, and Eoin knows this, because there are no words for it. There are no words for the exquisite type of torture that Paddy's currently experiencing.

Instead of talking, Eoin is pulled into a firm embrace – a brotherly, camaraderie-like, no-nonsense manly hug complete with awkward pats on his back – and he remembers sharing a similar hug with Paddy on the last day before they went on separate ways -- Paddy to the Falklands and Eoin to Belfast.

Paddy's gone silent, then he could hear what he thinks was laughter -- before realizing that he's got it all backwards. It's Paddy crying, full racking sobs against his chest. "I don't know what I'm doing. Everything is so hard and nothing clicks together, the way it had clicked when we were in Kabrit. I'm home," Paddy chokes, "--but I'm a stranger to my own family."

"You're not a stranger to me," Eoin says, because it's the truth.

"They're scared of me. They're all scared of me. I try to be kind, I try to be good, but they could see the devil in me."

"I'm not scared of you, Paddy. I'm not scared of you," he says, again and again. Hoping that Paddy will listen, hoping that Paddy will understand, as his sobs begin to quieten. "Shh, Paddy. Let it out," Eoin whispers on the crown of Paddy's head. "Let it all out."

And Eoin begins to sing,

"Oh, Paddy, this London’s a wonderful sight, With people all working by day and by night. Sure they don’t sow potatoes, nor barley, nor wheat, But there’s gangs of them digging for gold in the street."

Paddy starts to chuckle against Eoin's chest, shoulders shaking, face wet with tears. "It's Mary, you eejit," he hiccups. "Not Paddy."

Another hiccup.

Eoin begins to laugh too. "I know. I just wanted to make you smile."

And Paddy does smile, then.

And they sing together,

"At least when I asked them that’s what I was told, So I just took a hand at this digging for gold, But for all that I found there I might as well be Where the Mountains of Mourne sweep down to the sea."

They finish the song, in harmony, holding each other --

"There’s beautiful girls here, oh never you mind, With beautiful shapes nature never designed, And lovely complexions all roses and cream, But let me remark with regard to the same: That if of those roses you venture to sip, The colours might all come away on your lip, So I’ll wait for the wild rose that’s waiting for me In the place where the dark Mourne sweeps down to the sea."

--

That night, after dinner and Eoin's had his shower, he makes sure that Paddy's comfortable in the spare bedroom.

He retires to his own bed, and stares at the ring on his right finger.

Maybe, maybe.

He takes it off.

Puts it back on.

The other way around.

--

tbc

part iv here

[darryscrow]

Two Darry x Paul fic wips I'll probably never finish 💔

———————————————

"Paul. Paul get up, you were gonna drive me home."

Darry shook his boyfriend's shoulder until the other smacked his hand away with a groan.

"That was yesterday. Leave me alone."

"If I come home and everyone's awake, I'm as good as dead."

Paul turned around in the bed then, rubbing his eyes open. "No shit? I thought they weren't strict."

"Well, not really." Darry pulled the covers off Paul, who weakly grabbed at them, before kicking it under the bedframe. "I mean it, I gotta get home- and I ain't walking, no way."

"Okay, okay! Let me find my pants at least, God."

Darry took one last glance at Paul’s bare ass before walking off to Paul's very own car. He'd wished for his own long before his dirty shoes could've even reached the pedals with his toes, but his family could barely afford the one truck they got now.

He wasn't dumb, but maybe a dreamer. A wisher? Darry wasn't quite sure how to describe himself, and that applied to everything.

The car roared to life as the two of them jumped in at the same time. Despite the rushing Darry had done, he was nervous for Paul to be behind the wheel. Was he even aware that he was awake?

Not that Darry had a lot of time to think about that, as the were speeding down the road in record time.

Christmas came and went as per usual, the decorations left behind even into the next year shining bright on the perfectly manicured lawns of the Soc neighbours.

These holidays always felt like it was Darry's. It was his time to shine, even if winter was his least favourite season. Christmas was his. And Paul's. Seeing how his birthday was only a bit before Christmas itself.

Candy canes, stupid sweaters, presents, elves and Santa. Theirs to take and kick down in town. Each cardboard stand and figure, every single one destroyed or stolen for their own pure selfish sake.

Darry suddenly looked down, he was wearing Paul's sweater instead of his own, and when he turned to look over at Paul, low and behold was his sweater. He looked good in it. It's hard to pick up clothes from the ground in the middle of the night with no light.

Maybe this little mix up wouldn't hurt anybody.

Not any more than last night did, laughter bouncing off the walls in Paul's room as the two of them grew tired. They ended up holding each other under the covers, Paul nuzzling up to Darry's chest, adding a pressure down on him that helped sleep come easily.

Darry tugged at the front of the sweater and sniffed, only to find that he can't. Like how you walk into your own home and never notice the smell of it, unlike the times you visit others.

"I don't think you're sweaty enough to make that fresh sweater smell just yet Dar."

———————————————

Wip no2

———————————————

Paul twirled the little brown strand of hair that stuck out.

He tugged on it gently when it's fully wrapped around his finger, prompting Darry to open his eyes. The man, in turn, is met with a gorgeous sight - his boyfriend laying down next to him, with the morning light from behind him casting a holy glow to his golden curls and lion-like arms.

That's all that was beautiful in his life in that moment, because in the next, he sat straight up like an arrow and started coughing up his lungs from whatever lingered in them during the night.

Paul must've sat up too, for the pounding that struck Darry in the back, which sent him into an even worse coughing fit that even turned into gags by the end of it.

"Shoot, you got something for that cough of yours somewhere?"

Paul wrapped an arm around Darry to keep him upright, who had vaguely registered that he had been swaying.

"Maybe. I'll be fine don't worry, it's my house afterall." He didn't want to mention how he didn't want Paul running around, messing up his organisation and all. Not like he had much of an organised system in the first place.

"No bother at all. Stay in bed, and I'll find something." And he did leave, after a peck on the cheek and a tuck back under the sheets.

[daisymerollingg]

Blue-light incantation | Speed-o’-sound Sonic

Genre; fluff

Pairing; Speed-o’-sound Sonic x reader

Tag(s): third person POV, gender neutral, established relationship(?)

Synopsis; You kiss his back. (Basically)

A/N; midnight drabble, can’t see straight, going down

His hair cascaded down his bare back, a few strands weaving over his shoulders with a sharper gleam than usual. Tonight, the moon did not fail to emit its radiant light, filtering through the mesh curtains and framing his lean build with precision.

What a ninja he was. Sitting with his chest exposed in someone else’s abode, no tension or apprehension defined on his being… Perhaps a little tension, but not the vigilance required for someone of his affiliation.

He sat on the edge of the bed with half-cast eyes, back slouched and elbows propped against his thighs. He didn’t flinch nor did he allow himself to shudder as he felt their fingertips brush against his nape. They parted his hair carefully and draped the heavy locks over his shoulders. He felt them pause for a moment before their fingers began to trace against his shoulders then over his defined spine.

Their movement was languid, unhurried, drawing over his frame as though they had no other purpose but to memorize him with every flaw and feature he carried.

They leaned forward, the soft sound of rustling sheets paired with steady breathes following them as they pressed their lips against the curve of his neck, then moved to brush their lips over his shoulder blade, where a ragged scar lay.

Their fingers continue to glide over him, pausing and feeling over each of his scars. Sonic shifted slightly, muscles undoing more.

They let their lips softly linger on a deeper scar on his shoulder while their feather-touch fanned over his arm. He felt their warm breath on his spine as they moved to rest their forehead against the back of his neck, stilling there.

He tilted his head forward in a rare show of vulnerability, letting the deliberate circles being traced on the small of his back riddle him to unwanted tranquility.

Yes, there truly was no Ninja like him.

[rozesmiana]

Every so often his existence activities some part in my brain and then I have to draw him