#so i wrote half of that out myself

[stabbynunchuckss]

I noticed that this doesn't have an image description here, and I found one on the Reddit link, so here:

[Image Description: An LGBallT ball of Gilbert Baker's 8 stripe rainbow flag: "Hi friends! As pride month just ended, I've been seeing a lot of posts about what July should be."

A trans ball, a bi ball, and a lesbian ball come onto the picture. They are all motion-blurred and their eyes are closed and angry. Trans is holding a pitchfork, Lesbian has a torch, and Bi has a sword. They yell "QUEER WRATH MONTH!!!" while the rainbow ball watches.

The rainbow ball says "Gotta say, I love the enthusiasm, but July already has something..." The trans, lesbian, and bi balls open their eyes and the motion blur decreases. They look at the rainbow ball. Bi says "does that mean no more sword?" Rainbow says "Yes." in big text. Bi says "awe damn..." in little text.

The rainbow ball turns into a ball with the disability pride flag. The disability flag is a black flag with five parallel zig-zagged stripes, one blue, one yellow, one white, one red, and one green. The disability ball says "July is disability pride month!" with yellow stars around it.

Trans, Lesbian, and Bi look in awe. Lesbian has put the torch away and says "oooh!", Trans has lowered their pitchfork and says "wow", Bi has lowered their sword and says "What flag is that?"

Disability ball says "I'm glad you asked! This is the disability pride flag! It was made by a disabled woman named Ann Migall after an ableist massacre in Japan in 2016. It was made in 2019."

Disability ball continues: "In Migall's words, the black is for mourning those who have faced Ableist violence, and for rebellion and protest. The zigzags represent how disabled people navigate barriers and are creative while doing so. They represent breaking free from authority and control.

"The different colors of the stripes are for different kinds of disabilities; mental illness, intellectual and developmental disability, invisible and undiagnosed disabilities, physical disabilities, and sensory disabilities. The stripes are parallel to show solidarity within the Disabled community."

Trans and lesbian look on in awe and say "nice".

Bi looks at their sword. Bi says "that is very cool Disability, but I do now have a sword and a lot of rage so if there's not a wrath month, what should I do?" Disability says "Very good question, bi! Simple! Use that energy to be an ally to your Disabled friends! Did you know that Disabled people don't have marriage equality in most parts of the world? Get mad about that! Disabled people make up an estimated 26% of the world's population, we are the largest minority yet most public spaces are inaccessible! Most don't even know about our pride month! (Not to mention the rampant ableism in the queer community...)"

The comic shifts back to trans, lesbian, and bi. They are motion-blurred again and their eyes are angry. They have raised their weapons once again. Trans says "No marriage rights?! Here we go again!" Lesbian says "I'm angry again." Bi yells "Disability Rights!"

End ID]

Are you sad that June is over and you don't have a pride month anymore? Fear not, friends! There's a different pride month just beginning! lgballt

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[soaps-mohawk]

I wish you can update for like twice a week 🛐. I'm always checking for new update hahaha.. anyways, take ur timeee 🫡🫡🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Anon, I know you probably meant well, but this is not the time for something like this.

(Gif courtesy of @collinnmckinley )

[wishtale-blogs]

uh, mental health update. Tw for mentions of killing themselves (don’t worry too much lol)

Mental health go brrrrr

[loumauve]

work colleague (the one who I'm working on a project with, who was supposed to be showing me the ropes - which she already barely did - who is supposed to be a superior while our boss is on parental leave) told me that I need to join the team leader meeting next week "so things dont escalate again" bc apparently her temper got the best of her (she told me this herself btw, which.. jfc)

and I feel SO uncomfortable at even the idea of that thats I've been feeling sick to my stomach over it since Friday. I'm still an intern ffs, I don't get paid to do her job, which is to explain what we're doing and to explain why we're doing it. I didn't decide on making this a whole thing, and I certainly didn't sign up to take her place while she throws me to the wolves (clinic admins who are pissed that change is being introduced to how they've been running things for years)

I know I need to address it, and at least tell my boss, I feel like shit reaching out to him while he's supposed to be on leave, but if I don't push back and give in now when there's also so many other ways she's been dodging her responsibilities then idk.

she barely communicates which is the basis for working with anybody, and even when *I* reach out she barely ever replies and leaves me hanging, unable to progress in certain tasks just bc I *literally* don't know shit yet bc I've been working there for a total of two and a half months max. just.. boss guy would be happy for me to stay on but honestly that lady has as bad a temper and worse social skills than the lady who made my last job hell enough that I was out of commission for almost three years, first on sick leave and then in various rehab/therapy programs just to make it back to being able to work again.. I really don't want to go down this road again

so I guess I do need to write this all down tomorrow in a message to him and hopefully he'll at least acknowledge that this is a shit situation to put me in and have a talk with her. but idk tbh. not sure what to do if he asks me to still join that group meeting on Friday, also terrified of her reaction if he does bring it up with her, ngl

last time she got "upset" she didn't talk to me for a whole day, didn't reply to my message before I left for 5 weeks and then still didn't leave a single message to explain where to continue in our project before being gone herself for another 2 and a half weeks.. that kind of childish pettiness idk. really don't want to have to keep dealing with her

lazy colleagues idk sure it's frustrating cleaning up after them, but this kind of behaviour is as close to intolerable as things get before I need to get myself the fuck away for good

[memento-morri-writes]

It's been well over a week now (maybe two??) but I'm still plugging away (ever-so-slowly) at this vignette about Zara and Rook. Zara's POV is a lot of fun to write, now that I have a better sense of her character. Writing this has really solidified in my mind the kind of person she is and how she acted when she was Rook's captain and mentor. She's very calm and collected in comparison to Rook, even when under a lot of stress.

Anyways, have a little snippet that I'm proud of from today, featuring the origins of the coin trick!

Pacing back and forth across her cabin floor, she rolled the coin back and forth over her knuckles again and again. The motion was easy, almost mindless, more muscle memory than real intent. The coin trick had been her favorite way to soothe her nerves for years now. She’d picked it up out of idle curiosity after watching a street performer dining in a tavern in Bon Largo, who had chatted with her for over an hour as she fretted about something mundane, never once dropping the coin from their fingers. The same performer had later tried to steal her coin purse and ended up with nothing but a new scar for their trouble, but Zara had learned two important things from the encounter: Not to trust a warm smile and a pretty face, and that keeping her hands moving kept her mind from dwelling too much on worrisome things.

one-time tagging @space-writes because they commented on my tags about Rook learning the coin trick from Zara in one of my other snippets from this piece.

[funsizedcrow]

trying to plan out a longfic currently which i have not successfuly done in a long time and. well it is going off the rails i have somehow ended up with a political drama?? this was supposed to be abt werewolves.

[unbearable-lightness-of-ink]

k babes reblog and tell me about the books on your nightstand (or wherever you stack books by your bed if you don't have a nightstand) what are they why are they there etc

[thyandrawrites]

Guess who thought "I will just do a read through of my (short) meta wip and maybe fix that paragraph that got me stuck last time, that's all" right before bedtime and then entered a weird ngro-brainrot focus and typed the bulk of said meta until 3 am

Well... I have an almost complete rambley analysis now... Enjoy? I hope this is what you guys follow me for because it surely will happen again in the future. Very soon. That is a threat 😂

[sulfurrrr]

> You are encased in the cement that is those you love who love you.

> It protects you. Makes you beautiful. It will immortalize you.

> Your legs are restless.

> You're going to have to move, sooner or later.

> The sun will blind you, at first. The wind will feel like razors against your skin for a time.

> Do you think it'll be worth it?

> Who would choose to become human, over art?

> There will be times where your once graceful shoulders will hunch in pain. Your formerly serene face crumpled in ugly anger.

> You will be so scared to turn around and see the wreckage. Chunks of cement and dust are all that will be left of the statue you used to be.

> Aren't you scared?

[badolmen]

The mortifying ordeal of Blog You Respect and Think is Cool reblogging your Self Indulgent AU with tag comments on every chapter

[the-void-has-questions]

Hey I just remembered something actually. As a small child, I (like many queer kids) chose a socially acceptable person to have a crush on. We were first graders. It was never dramatic, I thought we were just Advanced Friends.

However we got paired up on one project, a slide presentation about a topic of our choice. And the gist was that we would present to each other and get feedback. And upon sitting through this kids presentation, I noticed all of his “egregious”spelling errors (literally they were not that bad, it was all typical stuff for a regular 6y/o, I was just addicted to reading and knew all the big words)

And I just remember being too polite to correct every one, so I just sat there thinking “I cannot have a crush on him. I cannot love a guy who can’t use the right ‘you’re’” which is an insane thing to think as a first grader

[lesbians-all-the-way-down]

My friend: I can't think while I'm at work

Me, at work, earlier that day: word for word writing a fic In my head

[that-was-anticlimactic]

all fluttering and dancing in the breeze

🍃written for @nobamaki-bigbang🍃

“Great! Okay, so I’m assuming we all know how to play baseball, right?” Maki asked.

Everyone was nodding, and Nobara was about to scoff and say duh, was about to proudly announce that she was actually a fantastic baseball player. But…

But then she glanced at Maki—sweet, gorgeous, Maki with a determined fire blazing in her eyes—and she had an idea. A terrible, devious, but quite possibly genius idea.

“Um, actually,” she spoke up, much louder than necessary, “actually, I, uh… I don’t know how to play baseball.” She fluttered her eyelids and smiled shyly, grabbing a strand of her hair and twirling it around her fingers as if she were the epitome of innocence.

[or: nobara pretends that she doesn't know how to play baseball so she can spend time/flirt with maki]

🍃11,157 words | nobamaki🍃

🍃art on tumblr here & here🍃

🍃art on twitter here & here🍃

[slushycoookie]

Last story flopped so I'm gonna quit writing 🙏

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

maybe writing a story is not recounting an event but writing a story