#so i was very fearful of the latter but i managed to pass it which is insane

[squeakadeeks]

how it feels getting your master’s degree while on a phd path 

[worthyprnce]

i saw this post and I had an idea (for a fic maybe?) but I don't have the time for it right now, so I'll try to summarize it. I also don't even know if this will make sense or if anyone else will see my vision, but anyway... (I'm also going to ignore the premise of stopping a wedding because it's the love of you life's wedding, I'm going to give merlin another reason)

arthur is about to marry a random princess. uther continues to insist on bringing princesses from allied kingdoms for his son to marry, to form powerful alliances and ensure heirs. and, after so many discussions, uther managed to convince his son to a marriage of convenience, which broke the hearts of both arthur and gwen, the true love of the prince's life.

merlin knows that this marriage shouldn't happen, it simply can't happen, and he was determined to stop it, even if he had to take drastic measures. not only because he's the number one arwen shipper we have in the show, but because he and gaius discovered that it was just another plan by the princess's father to overtake the throne of camelot. so he runs, desperate, to the church where the wedding would take place, his eyes wide, his lungs pulsing against his chest, heavy and tired.

his magic was agitated because his body,mind, soul and heart were agitated, so when he opened the doors of the cathedral and shouted with all his strength "I OBJECT!", the last thing he expected to see was a collection of pairs of unknown eyes and a decorated coffin in the middle of the people instead of arthur and his future wife. in fact, the last thing he was really expecting was to see the deceased slowly rise from his coffin, dazed like a hangover, scratch his eyes and look around, confused.

some women screamed, but it didn't seem to be out of fear, it seemed more like irritation, as if they had been caught in an old prank once again. but what really made the deceased come to his senses, were the angry cries of "you scoundrel! there's no use playing dead, gwaine, you'll pay my money!"

that was what made the deceased, gwaine it seemed, get up, his energy renewed, and run away, tripping over flowers and candles while merlin remained standing in front of the door without understanding what had really happened, stunned and lost.

gwaine ran out, passing merlin like lightning, and merlin had to run after him, because now the resurrected man's collectors were thinking that merlin was part of his plot. which wasn't true, but merlin needed to understand what had happened. there was no way merlin could have unintentionally used his magic to bring someone back to life, right? there was no way, he would know if he could do it. but he needed to get this straight.

the two ran to a hidden alley, where they caught their breath.

"what the fuck was that?" merlin asked.

"and do I know? one minute I had a knife in my heart, the next I was at peace and then I saw you like in a dream and now I'm here." gwaine replied. "I think I really should stop drinking, for a minute I thought I was dead and you brought me back. like an angel or something. you sure do look like one."

merlin didn't know what to say, so he stared at gwaine for a few seconds while the latter's mind calculated the events.

"I died. I died, I'm sure I died, I was cold and weak and when I woke up we were in a church, I was in a coffin." gwaine said, finally merlin was afraid that he would need to find some quick and plausible excuse in case gwaine threatened him. he didn't know that man and didn't know what his reaction would be to someone using magic, even if it was to bring him back to life.

that's why merlin was very surprised when gwaine hugged him tightly.

"man, you literally brought me back from death! ha! I can't believe that really happened, I owe you a huge debt now. let's have a drink, we can get to know each other better and you can tell me about these jesus-like acts of yours."

merlin's mind was racing, he almost didn't notice the sound of the church bell, the right church to stop arthur's wedding.

"listen. if you want to repay me for something, give me your word that you won't tell anyone. I brought you back to life, I can kill you again, I know your name and I for sure can find you anywhere" merlin said, pointing his finger at gwaine and trying to sound intimidating. gwaine smirked and raised his hands.

"oh, I wouldn't be that stupid," he replied.

"apparently you're only stupid enough to get yourself into too much debt."

"it's a complicated life, you know how it goes." gwaine's smile was too wide and playful for someone who had only been dead for a few minutes, but it was a beautiful smile, and merlin couldn't help but notice it.

"yeah, sure… uh..." merlin shook his head, as if that would put his thoughts in place "okay then, it was nice meeting you, but I need to run now."

"wait!" gwaine grabbed merlin by the wrist before he could even take a step "I don't even know your name, and that can't be all that you need from me. I don't have much, as it's already obvious... but I can be useful. I'll do anything, you literally gave me my life back. please, let me repay you somehow. I'm serious." merlin thought for a few seconds, the church bell ringing in his ears, the weight of a wedding that wasn't even his on his shoulders, his best friend's broken heart, the fate of an entire kingdom. merlin sighed. "whatever, what else do I have to lose?" he thought to himself

"I'm merlin, and I need your help to stop a wedding."

[conkers-thecosy]

Bagginshield-tober / Day 2 / Garden

Hi guys! Here's my offering for day two of the lovely @smolestboop's "Bagginshield-tober" prompt list 💛

You can also find these little snippets compiled into one fic on AO3

Bilbo is very sneaky in this one, but in the most embarrassingly fluffy way imaginable! Hope you guys enjoy!

~*~*~

“Perhaps some time in the garden would be nice today?”

Summer in the Shire was much warmer than Thorin was used to. Geographically speaking, Ered Luin wasn’t that far away -around three weeks of travel on a good pony- but the mountains were always bound to be cooler. The seasonal difference even across such a short distance was notable, particularly at this time of year

It was the height of August now, and even Bilbo, who seemed to revel in the warmth and sunshine of his home, was starting to show signs of discomfort. They had started leaving many of the windows open at night, and their bedroom doors ajar to help circulate some air. It did help some, particularly in the wee hours of the morning, but it meant that Thorin could hear the Hobbit shifting restlessly in his bed through the night, and his little whimpers and cries as he dreamt and recollected terrible things were even more difficult to ignore.

The guilt gnawed at Thorin, knowing he had put those fears in Bilbo, haunted by his own actions and regrets like a spectre every night, and hating himself for the damage he had caused. It ate at him, and between that, the heat, and his own nightmares, sleep was nigh on impossible. He would sit awake with the heat, then when he became tired enough to sleep, he would become alert at the sounds of Bilbo’s distress from the room next door. When the Hobbit eventually managed to settle himself, Thorin’s own nightmares would keep him from rest. Eventually he would just pass out as dawn was peeking its head above the horizon, but could only gather a few hours before the heat woke him once more. 

This morning, feeling wearier than he had since leaving Erebor in disgrace for the second time in his life, he found an equally exhausted Hobbit waiting in the kitchen for him. They spoke very little, but regarded one another carefully when each thought the other was not, and both failing abysmally. 

Thorin wondered what Bilbo saw. He wondered about that often, truth be told, but tried not to indulge in it too often, for fear of making himself melancholy. Bilbo saw much. More than almost anyone Thorin had ever met, and there was a part of the exiled king that made him wish perhaps he wasn’t quite so good at noticing so much. He found there was much of himself he would prefer the Hobbit didn’t see.

“Perhaps some time in the garden would be nice today?” Bilbo smiled at him from over the rim of his teacup, green eyes bright and knowing and kind. Far too kind. “There’s a little breeze about today, and I’d like to cut back the lavender bushes so I can dry some of the flowers. What do you think? Care to supervise?”

“I would be happy to assist,” Thorin corrected, unsure if he was being asked to help, or being given permission to laze about, but determined not to allow the latter. “Though I do not know which of your many plants are lavender.”

Bilbo sipped the last of his tea and replaced it in the saucer with a wink at Thorin that made his heart speed up a little. “The lavender coloured ones, of course!”

They finished their breakfast, washed the dishes together in companionable, if tired, quietness, then headed out to the back garden. It was a beautiful place, one Thorin had admired greatly when he first saw it - even though Bilbo had brushed aside his praise and admitted to keeping his neighbour, Hamfast Gamgee, as a gardener to tend it. He had been pleased to find the garden in good repair after they had returned to Bag End together, for all the rest of his home had been an empty, dusty shell until they had put it to rights and reclaimed as many of his belongings as possible.

As it turned out, the lavender was actually lavender coloured, and it wasn’t just a joke after all. The flowers were very pretty, tiny, delicate little clusters at the end of long, thin stalks that grew up from leafy little bushels. There were a great many honeybees interested in the flowers, though much smaller than the ones they had seen at Beorn’s, and given the strong scent of the plant, Thorin wasn’t all that surprised. 

“Now, you make sure and tell me if you start to get a headache,” Bilbo wagged a finger at him, looking stern. “I’m personally very fond of the scent, but there are many who have an adverse reaction, so don’t try and be tough about it.”

Thorin promised, and they began to cut back the long row of plants, taking the flower stems right down to the leaves and laying them in bundles along the grass verge. Bilbo chatted while they worked, explaining how he liked to dry the flowers and use them for little scented pillows, as his mother had always been fond of them. He said he would make her a fresh one every year, and since she had passed, he made one for himself, and as gifts instead.

Thorin could understand the appeal of such a thing, they really did smell wonderful. He was pleased to find he had no headache at all, only a lazy sort of contentment as they worked side by side in the sunshine. 

“I think that’s all of them,” Bilbo smiled, wiping sweat from his brow. “Shall we sit in the shade for a little while and take a break?”

The pair of them found a shady spot under a tree, and Bilbo laid back on the cool grass almost immediately. Thorin hesitated for only a moment, before he joined him too, though careful to keep a respectful distance between them. Ordinarily he wouldn’t have laid down at all, but it was very hot, and he had grown very calm and sleepy. So much so that it was all he could do not to close his eyes, the sound of the soft breeze rustling through the trees, and Bilbo humming very gently from beside him…

When he awoke, it was well into the afternoon, and he might have felt guilty or worried for wasting the day, if not for finding Bilbo curled up beside him, sleeping soundly. Thorin watched him for a long moment, resting so peacefully, and close enough that, though they weren’t touching, it would take only the smallest of movements to make it so. 

He felt much better for the sleep, it was true, but there was no rush to wake just yet. Bilbo clearly needed the rest, after all.

[alfredsolos]

I have been impatiently waiting for a certain comic to start and it's finally here.

Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent.

Now, let me give you a short summary of it's plot: Ultraman is killing Supermans from every single multiverse one by one. And Jon Kent travels to find him and stop him.

At the beginning of issue 1, we see Ultraman killing a Superman:

We can see that he is very strong now, and will be a tough opponent.

Next panel, we see Jon and Jay walking around together and Jon is happy that his identity is secret again. (For those of you who don't know, Lex admitted that the world needed a Superman and decided to build a machine that wiped everyone's memory of the Superfamily's identity.) Jay, though, is still known as Superman's boyfriend and is a bit grumpy 'cause of that. Anyways Jon detects something that is falling from the sky and sees that it's thousands of satellites merged together. He tries to stop it with the help of Oracle:

He doesn't need to, however. Because the next moment we see Val-Zod, a Superman from Earth-2, arrive and save the day:

Val is not alone though, he brings a Red Tornado with him.

Jon takes him back to his house, along with Mister Terrific greeting them. Val explains to everyone that Ultraman is killing Supermans and they need Jon's help. Lois, however, does not want Ultraman near his son after what he did to him.

(For those of you who don't know; when Jor-El took Jon to space, Jon got sucked through a black hole and landed in Earth-3 with the Crime Syndicate. Ultraman then saw him and kidnapped him. He kept Jon inside a volcano for 6 years and abused him both physically and mentally.)

And later on, Red Tornado reveals herself to be Lois Lane from another Earth, to convince this Earth's Lois Lane:

After some convincing, they finally make a plan and track Ultraman to an unknown Earth. They also talk about other versions of Jon Kent, which most of them are 11 years old except for the DCeases version. (Which if you know this comic, it's so freaking good. Read it.)

Ultraman becomes aware of their appearance and immediately attacks them, injuring Red Tornado fatally. When he realises that Jon is his Jon, he uses the projector and teleports Val and Red Tornado to another Earth and plans to kidnap and throw Jon into a volcano again:

They have a fight, and Jon unleashes his new mysterious power which he gained during Lazarus Planet. Although he manages to injure Ultraman really good, he feels drained after using it and almost passes out:

Ultraman crawls on top of him to beat him up while saying horrible things. But before he can hurt Jon, someone stops him:

And at that moment, it's revealed that which Earth they're currently in:

It's the Injustice Universe and that Superman snaps Ultraman's neck as if he's nothing more than a toy.

(A bit information on who this Superman is: in the Injustice Universe, Joker destroys Metropolis killing millions of people and gasses Superman with fear gas. Superman doesn't know this and comes across Doomsday. He immediately attacks and kills Doomsday, but he later on realizes that he was gassed with something and it wasn't Doomsday he had just killed. It was his pregnant wife Lois. After that he goes batshit insane and ends up killing the Joker. He then decides to create his own regime and starts executing criminals. The whole JL gets divided after this. Batman's team and Superman's team. With the former trying to stop the latter from killing criminals.)

We get a pretty emotional scene where Superman immediately knows who Jon is.

And this is why I was so excited for this comic. This could be very good if the writer manages it properly. The writer also stated that we will see Injustice! Damian (who after accidentally killing Dick, takes up the Nightwing mantle and sides with Superman) and Jon together.

And I can't begin to tell you how excited I am for Superman and Jon's interaction together.

[motleyfam]

I was just reading all of your fics (i'm obsessed), and like, I was wondering, ofc Jason's phobia of needles & drugs has to do with his mother's addiction, right? But does it also affect him for minor procedures (eg. dental work, finger stick blood check, ...), and if it does, has the family established some sort of support system for him?

Thank you!

Ooh cool question. Personally I headcanon Jason as being uneasy around needles in general, and while his mother’s drug issues certainly didn’t help, he’d have had this phobia either way. It’s the creepiness of having something under his skin that makes him get all weirded out. But I also HC him as usually able to grit his teeth and work through it — he’s just gonna be pissed off about it because he uses anger to mask fear.

I think IVs, blood draws, and stitches are the worst, while finger sticks and shots are a lot more manageable since there’s less actual needle-under-skin time. The only exception to the shots rule is general anesthesia injection, because that freaks him out on the level of “drugs inducing altered state of consciousness and total vulnerability” way more than the actual needle part does.

For the Settle Our Bones verse specifically, I think they’ve tried different strategies like distraction and offering to hold someone’s hand (the latter of which was met with the most withering glare, but Dick still offers every time), but Jason actually prefers to just…. Watch it happen. Like his main fear is lack of control, so watching the needle go in, freaky as it is, actually feels less anxiety inducing than the alternative of needles going in without his express knowledge.

Granted, just because he wants to watch doesn’t always mean it goes well, and if he’s getting any more than 3 stitches at once, he usually ends up passing out. It’s just kind of expected at this point, so Bruce and Alfred always make sure he’s lying down before they start and that he’s numbed enough that they can finish the job once he’s out. Then when he comes to again, he’ll totally deny having passed out in the first place, and they’ll just be like “uh huh, okay” at him while he scowls. Because like fear, Jason also uses anger to cover embarrassment.

So to answer your question….. yes, they’ve tried strategies to help him, but unfortunately Jason is a glutton for punishment and his need to feel in control results in him watching every dip of the needle with increasing anxiety until he just blacks out 🤷‍♀️

It’s also one of those very few things that everyone understands is off-limits for teasing purposes. If Jason passes out, there is a collective agreement amongst the family that no one mentions it.

[ferindencadash]

Has anyone asked about Aria's Couch yet? Because I want to know about Aria's Couch, please!

Surprisingly, that is NOT one of the smutty ones! (Though Aria is down BAD for Shepard here)

This one has been rattling around my brain forever, but for some reason I'm having the worst time translating it into words. I think it might be because I'm much better at writing dialogue than I am at writing description, and there is almost no dialogue in this story. Ugh.

It's meant to be a short, introspective piece from Aria's pov covering that mini scene when femShep is passed out on her couch at the club during ME3:

“Sheerk,” the Asari summoned her bodyguard from his place in the shadows, respectfully out of sight, but always at the ready, “no visitors. I do not wish to be disturbed.” Her tone made it clear that any violation of her order would be poorly received. She may have been temporarily ousted from the seat of her kingdom, but there were few foolish enough to think that she was any less dangerous here in Purgatory than she had been in Afterlife.

The wise ones knew that this was the Queen of Omega at her most deadly.

Sheerk nodded and moved to take his place at the top of the stairs, motioning for a second guard to take the other side.

Aria peered down from the corner of her eye at the parcel she so jealously guarded. Dark red hair draped over the lighter red of the leather sofa, mouth slightly agape, the Saviour of the Citadel slept deeply despite the pounding bass and the desperate exuberance of the crowd. Purgatory was one of the few places left where people could go to try and forget for a night that their worlds were falling apart. The galaxy was burning, and no one understood this fact better than the woman sleeping beside her.

From the first time Commander Jane Shepard had walked into Afterlife, Aria had felt a… curiosity, towards the woman. True, it was rumoured that she had returned from the dead, but that wasn’t what caught her attention. Those who made their way into Aria’s den, did so with one of two emotions. Fear or arrogance. The other two humans who had arrived with the commander stank of the latter, but Shepard showed neither. It wasn’t simply a matter of concealing her feelings either. Shepard projected a confidence and an earnestness that Aria didn’t know what to do with. Not that she would let anyone see that. Aria had elevated arrogance to an artform.

It just feels a bit awkward to me. :/ Which is very annoying, because in my head it is lovely. Hopefully some day I'll manage to shake this one out in a way I feel good about.

Thank you for the ask!! <3 Much appreciated!

[faelune-home]

FFXIVWrite 2024 #10: Stable

(A/n: Another entry into the role quest rewrite series, this time beginning the melee quest with Estinien. At first I just defaulted to Estinien cos he is the token melee in the Scions in EndW, but once I sat down to write, I realised Limsa had a bit more in common with Ishgard than I remembered.

While it's more small scale compared to Ishgard's two thousnad year long war, the idea of breaking agreements and continuing old wars and blaming the other side for what one group started is still very applicable. In the end, the melee role quest is still more focused on the Sahagin than the Kobolds, but its a way to establish a beginning with Estinien and set his relationship with the Admiral/Limsa from the start.

Used the prompt to talk reference Limsa's stability as a nation, even if it's more specific to the city/more of a facade when they're still rebuilding relations with the other factions. It also feels ironic that the pirate nation is more put together out of everyone.

Word count: 955)

“You’re not much familiar with Limsa Lominsa are you?” Fhara asked, glancing up at Estinien as he cast his eyes over the crowded aetheryte plaza. Merchants moving to and fro, clusters of locals standing around chatting and enjoying the sunshine, and even a small lalafellin band was playing for a crowd.

“Not particularly,” he finally answered, “I’ve passed through to utilise their port, but as for the city of the rest of the island, I haven’t seen much.”

“Well, we’re here on official business, but I hope it’ll give you the chance to see a little more then,” she said with a smile, then gestured for him to follow. It would have to be the long walk to Maelstrom command if he wasn’t attuned to the aethernet in the city. A small blessing that Limsa always being so busy meant they both crept under the radar, and were uninterrupted on their way.

The Admiral was waiting for them with one of her officers, the latter of which offered a sharp salute upon their arrival.

“My delegate informed you were bringing assistance,” Merlwyb hummed, looking Estinien over.

“Estinien Varlineau, former Azure Dragoon, if it would give you any reassurance to my capabilities,” he introduced, offering a polite nod. The reactions were stark, the officer gaping in shock to be in the presence of an esteemed warrior, while Merlwyb barked out a loud laugh.

“The Azure Dragoon? I’d fear for your reputation then if you don’t manage to kill this beast in one hit,” she grinned.

“They’re surprisingly resilient. But should I have it in my sights, I’ll try and land a definitive blow.”

“I have no doubt. But let us discuss the matter at hand.”

“From what we’ve learned so far, people will turn into blasphemies when they’re overcome by despair and apathy. Have you seen any signs of that here?” Fhara asked, well aware that the city itself seemed full of cheer, without any sign of dissonance.

“Nay, our problems haven’t laid within the city. But instead with our neighbours, the Sahagin,” Merlwyb said, with the officer beside her taking over to add, “It all started with reports from men patrolling the borderline at Skull Valley, and then when we reached out to the factions there for more information, the Sahagin confirmed their numbers were mainly affected.”

“I suppose that makes sense, if you don’t mind me saying Admiral. Limsa’s long had issues communicating with both its neighbours on this island, and while discussions have helped with the Kobolds to smooth over past disagreements, I can see some of the Sahagin still being wary of any peace talks,” Fhara nodded, thinking over what she knew of Limsa’s conflicts.

“Aye, we’ve had a steady peace building between us and the kobolds, and even with the Sahagin. But as you say, some factions aren’t quite ready to trust us, even as we’ve assisted in curing their tempered,” Merlwyb said with a frown. She spied the curious look in Estinien’s eye.

“For you ser, since I know you may not be aware of our history - before now, Limsa Lominsa has long been at odds with both Sahagin and Kobold on Vylbrand. The Sahagin were only recently involved in our conflicts, pushed to our shores as they were for breeding grounds, but our longest conflict was with the Kobolds. Tis only with the aid of the Scions that we have finally reached an accord with them.”

“What manner of conflict was this?” He asked.

“Land, of course, same story as any other. When our pirates first reached these shores to call them home, they didn’t care a whit that the Kobolds already had it. Fighting ensued as it does. At one point an agreement was reached for peace…but pirates do as pirates do, and they take what they please. We broke the agreement and restarted the conflict, all of our own folly.”

Estinien was silent, taking in her tale with a quiet contemplation. When he finally responded, it was with a heavy tone, like that of a world weariness that had seen it all before.

“You say it is as pirates do, but I would argue that pirate or no, man is ever the culprit in their own folly. Man will always take as they please, whether it be land, or power. They may blame it on a desire to feed their people or a sense of fear of the other side, but it wouldn’t change that their actions cause harm to all, and they wouldn’t give a damn who suffers.”

A single blink was the only hint that Merlwyb was thrown by how easily Estinien had responded, her face otherwise a picture of professionalism.

“You speak from experience.”

“In a way. Your tale isn’t too dissimilar from Ishgard’s own. Far be it for me to overstep when I’m not here as a delegate on behalf of Ishgard, but I would advise you and yours mind those ties with the Kobolds from here on, lest you make the same mistakes again,” he said.

“Duly noted.” The two continued to regard each other carefully, leaving the other two present to share an awkward look before Fhara finally coughed to break the tension.

“I know this means we’d be well to check in with the Kobolds factions in case they’re affected, but right now you said the Sahagin were the main concern?”

“Aye, that they are. Though I hope the history lesson allows Ser Estinien to understand where we stand now on this island with all factions,” Merlwyb said, finally breaking into a polite smile.

“That it does. While the Sahagin are our primary focus, I’ll be sure to keep the Kobolds in mind, should we fear their turning as well.”

[miss-bvnny]

Cinderella sequels multiverse theory + Anastasia's reward for repentance

Do I have your attention? Great! Let me explain what I mean:

For those unfamiliar, Cinderella 3: A Twist In Time (2007) tells the story of Lady Tremaine getting ahold of Fairy Godmother's wand, and using the magic as a means of enacting revenge on Cinderella and finally climbing the social ladder by using Anastasia as a pawn. Cinderella eventually undoes this chain of events thanks to the mice, and Anastasia's conscience as she realizes this is all wrong.

Anastasia is at first coerced into the scam enticed by the thought of the prince loving her. However, as time passes Anastasia realizes that this is NOT what she wants. Especially not through these means. The prince loves her because he's been tricked into thinking she's Cinderella via Among Us Imposter means. Anastasia wants someone to love her for who SHE is, not for who they THINK she is.

This movie takes place on Cinderella and the Prince's first anniversary. Meaning it's been a year since the wedding at the end of the first movie, and LESS than a year since Cinderella 2.

Now, this movie came out in 2007. Cinderella 2 came out in 2002. Many of you might remember Anastasia and the baker falling in love in Cinderella 2. Which, to sharp-eyed Disney Nerds, was never once mentioned in Cinderella 3. Anastasia laments that she wishes there was someone who would love her the way the Prince loves Cinderella

But...what about the baker??? If the story with the baker in Cinderella 2 had really happened at this point...she PROBABLY wouldn't be singing this?? And before you say ''They obviously just forgot about that aspect of Cinderella 2'' HOLD ONTO THAT until after you hear what I've got to say.

At the end of Cinderella 3, when the prince finds the REAL Cinderella and the truth is uncovered, Fairy Godmother asks them if they'd like the true timeline to be restored, as they're currently in a botched false timeline created through Tremaine's meddling. They choose not to return to the present, instead electing to fall in love and have their first year all over again. In layman's terms...Cinderella 2 is now obliterated. It happened, then the timeline change occurred, and now it's going to happen again. Basic Back To The Future timeline meddling plotline stuff.

So here's the meat of my theory: Anastasia doesn't meet the baker until after the timeline reset. It was her reward from a higher power (God, Fairy Godmother, True Love, etc) for doing the right thing and coming clean to Cinderella and the kingdom instead of going along with Tremaine's scheme. She's shown to be visibly uncomfortable with being a piece in her mother's game. And despite obvious fears of consequences, she confesses at the wedding. Something that...I have to imagine must've been hard to do with such a horrible mother and Drizella breathing down her neck. She did the right thing, despite fearing the outcome. Something worth rewarding.

Now remember when I said I didn't think they'd ''forgotten'' about the baker? During the end credits, they show a bunch of really cute painterly portraits of the cast presumably taking place after the movie. And...what's the FIRST one they show???

SHA-BOOEY!!!

Now...this CLEARLY isn't an airtight theory, but in my defense...all time travel movies are VERY messy to a degree. My fallback explanation for any cracks in the case is Cinderella 2 actually takes place after 3, in the new timeline. THAT'S how the story of Anastasia in love manages to be present in THAT movie.

Anyway all this is to say that you should REALLY watch Cinderella 3 if you haven't already because it is GENUINELY one of the cutest disney sequels, and I REALLY love Anastasia's character in the latter Cinderella movies <3

[k-s-morgan]

So, the first month of the year has passed! For Ukraine, it brought multiple bombings and some large-scale tragedies. On January 14, Saturday afternoon, a holiday when most people are at home, one of the Ruzzian missiles hit an apartment complex in Dnipro city. About 50 people died; even more were hospitalized. Many pets died as well, with only some of them being rescued. There are videos with people screaming under the ruins; videos of rescue and devastating findings. And this is just one building in one city. 

Cities like Kharkiv and Zaporizhia; destroyed cities like Mariupol and Severodonetsk - this same tragedy happened there repeatedly. Just like in other cities of Ukraine, including my own. People lose everything, and over what? No one can give a satisfying answer because there isn't any. This war takes the descriptor "senseless" to a new level.  

This is why every air raid makes my blood go cold. All you have left to do is sit there, listen for explosions, and hope that your own home won't become your grave.  

Good things happened, too: Ukraine got great help from other countries. For myself, I reunited with my father: we spent some lovely days together. And despite Ruzzians' attempts to ruin our January holidays, my family spent them happily - as much as it’s possible in times like these.

I caught a new pigeon back on New Year: she's feeling better now, so here's a pic. (She’s also shy, so it’s difficult to take a good picture of her!)

As you see, the poor baby has a split beak, which complicates her ability to eat; one of her legs wasn't working and she had pneumonia. Fortunately, the latter two issues are half-gone! The meds are helping and she's feeling much better now. I hope she makes full recovery. 

As I will always do it, I want to thank every person who keeps supporting me. Through comments, asks, Patreon, messages - it's all so valuable to me and I'm really grateful. This inspired my writing by a lot, so I managed to write more this year.

Patreon in particular helped me get an idea: for the first time since the war started, I decided to make a long-term plan. I want to have 2 weeks of vacation with my Mom this summer - to spend them outside of Ukraine, in a safe country where I wouldn't have to worry all the time. I really, really need to rest mentally and physically, but even more, I found that having a plan like this, for a distant future, helps a lot emotionally. My city is currently safe from active war actions, air raids are the biggest threat, but the fear is always there anyway, along with the thoughts about death. So having a date for my vacation in mind, the city I'd like to visit, the show I'll re-watch with my Mom when we get there - this makes me feel like my future is less vague and like I have something solid to look forward to. I'm very excited about this plan and I hope I'll be able to realize it!

Thank you all for being here again. And here's a pic of two of my idiot boys, Laoriy and Tom, to end this post on the loveliest possible note)     

[katyahina]

Yharnam WAS overwhelmed by the foreigners, then?

I am still mildly bothered by the fact that male Healing Church personnel (the doctors, not the hunters) seem to wear really similar clothing to the foreigners (black doctors have same as Brador's, and white doctors have same as Paleblood Hunter's in their initial outfit).

It makes me wonder if maybe Laurence could not find enough educated and willing people by his side - the educated ones in Yharnam were probably all Byrgenwerth-affiliated and sticked with Willem's ideas more, or simply remained scholars in the walls of the lecture halls, and other people were simply commoners…? So, maybe he DID reach out for some near foreign country, to invite over people that will be willing to cooperate? There is already Gascoigne who came from foreigners and joined the Healing Church (like his shawl suggests), for one.

On the other hand, Black Church doctors are doing a similar thing to what Brador is doing - dispose of the enemies! Meanwhile, our playable Hunter is not that simple either! The biggest hint for them not being loreless is them looking for Paleblood - and even leaving a note to themselves upon waking up, as if they knew they'd forget:

(Retranslation from this ( x ) document, localization is missing out the detail that the writing is their own)

And if the hunter invades Iosefka's Clinic through that secret way in the woods and manages to reach the room they woke up at at the start of the game, there is a Cainhurst invitation with their own name in it! And who likely left it? Right, either Iosefka or Imposter, both are high ranking Healing Church members, as well as hinted to formerly affiliate with Cainhurst! (imposter Iosefka can make potions that are secret Cainhurst recipe passed down through nobles, as well as one to recognize your "moonlit scent" with the only other character doing it being Annalise herself..) And this implication:

Like, I kind of struggle to make a solid explanation for this detail, but I really think there was an intention to leave this visual hint. It is totally possible that like 90% of the Healing Church staff were foreigners, and seems like even from the same place. That was ALSO the same place Paleblood Hunter is from!

I'll also link a theory about Paleblood Hunter being reincarnation of Laurence himself whose name was also foreseen ( x ), and previous thoughts on why Yharnamites resent foreigners for "sullying their blood" ( x ), as they are kinda relevant...?

As for the former one, the ideas are many, but our Paleblood Hunter is likely from the same country where Brador, and even all these doctors are from! Hell, they could've been related to someone from Cainhurst, and they wanted to invite the Hunter, but the invitation never got passed, only preserved in the hands of either Iosefka or imposter (very likely twins).

As for the latter, that theory coooould need an update for now, since Yharnamites might have way more reasons to blame foreigners! Because in the end, they WERE associated with spreading the blood and all. It could be still complicated and Healing Church creating the narrative to blame them still has a merit - some people still trust in Church? Not just the clueless staff like Adella, even commoners like indoors NPCs that say "bless us with blood". But that ALSO could be just the display of how sometimes people will be in denial and not figure out anything even when evidences are all here! That they just CHOOSE to believe bullshit and all? In the alley where Arianna and Narrow-Minded Man are you also find a corpse you pick Black Church garb from. Also, in this alley, a door NPC says "bless the whole damn church" very bitterly; we could conclude that doctor was murdered in spite and fear. Narrow-Minded Man and Lonely Old Dear are both NPCs that display the most disdain for foreigners, too, which is a bold talk since one of them stacks a lot of Sedatives (blood-based medicine), and another drops x3 Pungent Blood Cocktails + has his whole windowsill full of blood like booze:

So, I'd say, the addiction to blood and belief in it being healing is accepted, but the commoners draw correlation between beasthood breaking out and foreigners overwhelming the Healing Church staff! Prior it probably were just Yharnamites, and Old Hunters (Blood Ministers such as the one we see in intro cutscene). Again, maybe Healing Church even gladly rolled with it - like "yeah, we and our blood are not inherently bad, it is just because foreigners came and did it all wrong, buy our shit still tbnx bye ✌️" like I said in the "outdated" post xd

______________________

If anyone has a solid theory regarding this detail, I'd like to know, actually! It feels so self-explanatory, yet I struggle to really grasp anything specific? Especially with what Hunter could possibly have to do with both Healing Church staff and Cainhurst, because there are so many opportunities? Yeah I know it is funny to think there is a foreign land where every guy has only two types of clothes xD Again - I am not sure of taking it so literally, but I do think developers wanted to leave this visual hint for the players, because Bloodborne's storytelling style is to not actually TELL it, but show 🤔

[kon4ka]

Challenge: Drawing D&D classes - Topic 14 - Paladin

🩸Oath of Redemption Paladin🩸

Race: Half-elf vampire Alignment: Chaotic good? Backstory: (I don’t know what fits here, she is a former adventurer who became a bodyguard maid after an injury)

📕 Background: I was an adventurer for a long time, but I was injured and could not continue this path. She thought her life was over but her aristocrat acquaintance was just looking for a new “servant” for himself, namely a bodyguard for his son, who was still a child. At first the half-elf didn’t want to go, but then she decided to try, it was still better than sitting at home. She was always with the boy, masquerading as an ordinary maid or governess.

Time passed and over time she got involved. When the aristocrat's son grew up and began to take over his father's business of managing the territory, she also became something like a secretary, in short, an orchestra man for the young aristocrat. Over time, their relationship went beyond the master of the house and the servants; the half-elf knew a lot of things that no one else knew about. But their life was not calm, one day she returned after completing another assignment and found the estate in ruins, filled with ghouls into which other servants had turned. The half-elf was horrified, turned the estate upside down, but couldn’t find her master anywhere. Neither him nor his body… That's when-then she had to get the armor and glaive that were gathering dust in her room and follow in the footsteps of the villains. Along the way, she met a familiar group of adventurers and joined them as they were heading to the same place she was, following the trail of other similar cases.

For a long time they made their way through the inhospitable dark lands, destroying all evil spirits in their path. And soon they reached a small settlement around an old fortress on the edge of a cliff. The one who was responsible for the disappearance of the half-elf’s friend lived there. The team fought their way inside; in the basement of the castle they found a wounded, barely alive, or rather, almost completely dead converted friend of the half-elf. Although the paladin was supposed to rid the world of evil spirits, she could not raise her hand against her converted friend… She tried, but could not. The group freed the half-elf's friend, after the latter swore that he had not killed people while he was a vampire and would not do so. The half-elf was inflamed with burning hatred for the who did this to her friend and the adventurers decided to rid the world of the owner of the half-elf’s friend who had turned into an offspring and went in search of him, having previously sent the vampire’s offspring away so that he would not fall under the “hot hand” if the owner suddenly called on him. They found him and entered into a fierce battle. They had to pursue and exhaust the highest vampire, the duke of this fortress, for a long time, and also fight off the abominations. But still, the half-elf managed to lure the arrogant superior closer in order to finish him off with a glaive charged with holiness, at the cost of a blow to her own heart. Although she was dying, she did not die in vain, she was able to finish off the one who kept the entire area in fear and ruined many innocent lives including the life of her master and friend. But it couldn’t be said that she died without regrets… Her friend did not listen to the adventurers and did not move away, but hid, immobilizing himself and waiting. He didn't just want to get even with his tormentor, but also to take part of his power and stop being a weak-willed brat. But instead of triumph over the villain, he saw his girlfriend die… He had very little time and opportunity. The half-elf's friend appeared next to the lifeless body of his master and drank his blood, completing his transformation into a true vampire. His girlfriend tried to stop him but her rapidly fading strength was not even enough to move. She never had any illusions, her master was not a saint, but she swore to protect him no matter what… He should not have become a creature that she, as a paladin, had to kill. But that wasn't the worst thing yet. The terrible thing began afterwards. Through the haze of her blurry vision, she heard, "I won't let you die…not like this!" And then a yawning black abyss after which she woke up as a vampire, or to be precise, a “vampire consort” with a newborn true vampire - her friend. So she found herself imprisoned in the clutches of her own death. Her friend became a vampire, the one she needed to punish, but she couldn’t do it, she herself became the devil knows what, but she couldn’t lay hands on herself… She became the living embodiment of irony. And she couldn’t escape anywhere… The half-elf couldn’t come to terms with this for a long time, couldn’t believe and accept the new reality for herself. And she didn’t understand why her adventurer friends didn’t kill her when they realized what happened. Her friend told her that he swore a terrible oath that he would not kill people, he wanted to preserve their lives and freedom, albeit mixed with darkness and horror. The paladin could not come to terms with this, so she decided to run away and travel around the world, away from these damned lands… Try to understand that she could still walk towards the light even as a creature of darkness… Her oath of protection became an oath of redemption… But to her surprise, her friend somehow found out about this and said that he would go with her. After all, she had protected him all his life, it was time for him to do the same.

✒ Personality: Reserved and cool, but at the same time extremely decisive, always finishes what he starts. Quite conservative. Persistent, she is extremely difficult to confuse.

🌀 Skills: Her favorite weapon since she was an adventurer is the glaive. She knows languages ​​well and has many adventurer friends.

✨ Features: Vampire consort. The fabric on the glaive says "Never More" - never again. The armor is worn directly over her maid costume.

[lowkeyclueless5137]

Remember that Sonic AU with Idia and Ortho as main protagonists. Well uhh Please do the ‘Knuckles’ show equivalent in it please? 😀💧

WHEN I TELL U THAT I DID THINK ABT IT AFTER THE FIRST SONIC ASK-

Here's also the ask in question for ref.

Well imma leave you with a short intro, bcs there's so much to unpack. This thing was in my mind basement for a while :'3

We start off with a smol timeskip! :D

And during that timeskip, things do happen around: Mainly school activities. For Ortho, school was a bit more difficult when you and your buddies are known around as the supernatural powered dudes who fought the corrupted mad scientist and a fraction of the government. This made some things like sports events or extra activities to be more complicated than intended.

The most shocking thing tho was *gasp* Idia managed to pull a date?!?!

Our group was absolutely baffled when Idia revealed that he ended up hitting around dating 2 dudes: 1 silly library guy and one who owns a small restaurant in their little town. And they were decent people too!

The only problem was that, like most people who were not involved in the said adventure (either directly involved, related or witnesses) Azul and Malleus, Idia's boyfriends, don't know that the firehead was much more than just some silly alien guy. And Idia insisted at our first years group to keep it that way, because it was 1 talk that the latter found it pretty hard to address.

Now our new adventure starts by the end of the school year. There was the school prom! And being such a small town(almost a village if you will), the school prom was a pretty popular event around. Kinda a spice to the, otherwise boring, days around.

But before that, there was the academic scores settling. And everything. A lot of tests coming up and a lot of grades filling in. Ortho would say that he was a top student and he shouldn't fear when his grade situation gets mailed out, yet still, he was on literal edge for mail day, which Idia took it as odd. Doesn't help that Ortho inheritantly was super fast, thus he always grabbed the mail before his brother and went through it at lightning speed.

One day, Ortho comes back from school, to find that the mail came later today, while he was in class and it wasn't a skip day, and Idia took it before him. Of course, the dread was very real and the rest of the first years, who knew exactly what was up, tried to reassure their buddy that 'hey, we all got the same fate in there'.

Idia, naturally, wasn't that happy with a particular class Ortho had: Socials. While he had a nearly perfect score everywhere else, socials was a mediocre one, bearly passing. Idia couldn't complain about Literature or Arts, he knew those old ass teachers still were petty and poured their hate on the kids, still Ortho had pretty good grades at them. The socials was where Idia found it wierd. And naturally, he asks the group about it, when Sebek blurts out that all of them have the same grade.

Turns out that, since the incident, the school implemented an obligatory class: Socials. And for this, they got a teacher from a bigger city, who happens to also have a much more 'different' approach to things. Our group doubts any class in this school has an actual great grade at that particular class, so please, Idia, excuse them, maybe buy them consolatory ice-cream while at it? :'3

Idia does excuse them, but insists that, if socials are mandatory next year too, the group will try to do better in there. Now they only had a few school days left, so he couldn't really hope the grades will 'magically fix themselves'.

Hey, at least they are passing! :'D

Still, that day, Epel points out that Idia was much more fidgety, hence his very messy reaction to the grades. He was all over the place and, clearly, he was a few secs away from causing an earthquake. The latter just shows up his hand, which had an engagement ring on it.

Long story short, Malleus proposed today and, of course, Idia and Azul accepted with no 2nd thoughts. The librarian really was rushing into things whenever he saw green light apparently. :'3

So all summer, Idia was preparing mentally and physically for the marriage. For him, it was a more important task to see how he could break the news to his fiancés about the fact that he is literally the god of this planet. Ortho did try to reassure that the best case scenario: nobody has a heart attack or faints! What a good option! :D

By the end of the summer, the plans were made: an early autumn wedding, with the venue on a more retreated beach. Very little touches had to be done until the big day itself and Idia was getting restless as it approached.

Ortho really saw it as both a very beautiful thing and as a problem. On one hand, he liked Idia's fiancés and he would be very happy with the resulting marriage, especially if it made his big brother happy, but on the other hand, everything was moving very fast and, clearly, Idia had a harder time keeping the pace than Ortho. The rest of the first years are also trying to help Idia with his Woes, but it's pretty hard to calm him down. On more than one occasion, Idia was back to his big form, hid behind trees and mountains and simply processing the situation while our group talked to him, mostly to keep him grounded from making all kinds of imaginary scenarios and worrying himself more.

It was time tho, for Ortho's 2nd year of high-school. He was pretty excited about it, until he heard that socials were, yet again, a mandatory class. Doesn't help that Idia's wedding was in the first school weekend. The good part, Alex, Ace's big brother, was helping Idia when our group was at classes. (they became proper friends at the end of their adventure)

So with around 5 days until the big day, things were slowly looking out to be better. Things were settled, programs were fine and everything was coming together very nicely.

Except that things couldn't be very nice all the time.

Our lil group was out through town one evening, when they stumble across another alien, this one set on hunting the Shrouds. Of course, upon noticing Ortho, it escalated into a fight.

And now, this guy was freakishly agile. It didn't help that the red marks on his body, along the bright red hair, indicated that his origins were, definitely, from the same planet Idia and Ortho came from. Still, he reffers to Ortho as a 'threat' and thus has to handle it upon the rules of his homeland: by killing the boy.

Of course, things get much more clear when Crowley returns, saying that this is his new little ally. Thankfully, before shit can actually hit the fan, our group is saved by a misterious blonde guy, who can apparently shapeshift into any person.

That guy is Vil Schonenheit, upon his introduction. The other one was Riddle, an esteemed guard of temple of the core, from their home planet. He does make a short history of why Riddle was so set on killing Ortho.

Many years ago, a Shroud actually achieved a tie with their planet core, thus absolving immortality and immense power. The chaos emeralds were expelled to earth, while the said Shroud was locked in the temple of the core, as to prevent any wish of destroying their home. Riddle came from a line of guards who trained all their life to guarding the said temple. If anything went wrong, the guards were trained so that they could kill anything except a Shroud that was already tied to a core.

Vil also adds that he was not a guard, but an entertainer. He was, initially, given as a sacrifice by his, now deceased, mother, to please the 'diety', but he was spared, even so, the Shroud protected him from his prison, until he was old enough to venture back to his worried father. Thus he was forever indebted to that man. His wife was killed by the guards and he was unable to do anything but watch, believing that his children suffered the same fate too. So when Crowley came forth, his presence angered the Shroud. Crowley preached about 2 more of that kind here, on Earth. Riddle was chosen to accompany Crowley and get rid of the said threats, while Vil was told to go and stop this, to protect the Shroud's 2 sons.

Ortho is, rightfully, very shook by this revelation, but our group insist that already Idia tied in with Earth's core. Vil now is genuinely worried about this, because it's either Idia accepts to be locked away forever or he gets forcefully put to sleep by the guardians, once they find out what happened. Crowley didn't say anything about one of the brothers actually achieving this oh so feared form, so they didn't think too much on how deep this thing is.

For now, Riddle was on their trail, so as to not worry Idia, Ortho played the 'I'm having a sleepover at Ace so u could smooch with your fiancés before the wedding' card. It worked! Idia was too flustered to fully question why the sudden decision. :P

Alex is also very taken aback by this new trouble our group got into. Like being chased by the government wasn't enough, huh?! Still, he complies on trying to divert Idia's attention off this mess while the rest try to get Riddle to realise that Crowley is using him for the emeralds.

Cue a lot of running around. Riddle was 1 relentless mf. :'3

But, on their now daily chases, our group gets in mingling with the secret services. Again. :'D

Long story short, they caused a lot of trouble. Crowley was still on the loose, with his new little puppet being a force to reckon with. So the course of action taken by the said secret services was to take Idia in custody until Riddle gets wind of it and walks right into the trap.

It was a horrible plan, really. Especially with the upcoming wedding. :'3

We get introduced to Jade and Floyd, 2 secret service agents in the new branch of 'dealing with alien threats'. They actually prove to be a thorn in Riddle's sides, especially Floyd who is relentlessly taunting the redhead, thus allowing for Riddle to be distracted mid altercation.

And oh, is Riddle fuming! He became so enraged that the second he spots even the tiniest hair of Floyd, he goes tunnel vision and hunts that guy for the life of him. This put breaks in Crowley's plans enough so our group could actually devise a proper plan. The wedding was actually tomorrow and they were running out of time. Idia had to find out one way or another. Preferably after the wedding itself, ya know. :'3

But, first, the wedding! It was a very pretty location, still warm due to the early autumn, and it was small, pretty retreated.

Except that crow man cannot help but bust that shit too. Imagine Riddle's surprise when he sees 2 Shrouds, one who shows the signs of his bind to the planet's core.

BUT! Before anyone could do anything against it, it turns out a good chunk of the guests and the catering team were secret government agents. Azul also was one, pretty obvious after he pulled a mf gun on Riddle.

Turns out Azul was dispatched on a discreet operation of supervising Idia, which he really wasn't supposed to end up marrying him. So there's that. :P

Everything is messed up and so overwhelming that Idia actually snaps under the pressure and shows the full extent of his power: a gigantic being of magma and fire, raising walls and waves to separate people from each other.

Poor Malleus, he's the only guy who literally has no idea what is happening. Please, let him get married in peace. :'3

Naturally, Riddle's approach is to confront Crowley about lying to him, that none of the 2 is actually tied to the planet's core. This complicates things. Idia cannot be killed, because if he dies, so will the planet slowly, due to how young Idia was. Crowley was aware of this effect and still pushed the redhead to hunt the Shrouds.

Truth was, Crowley still wanted the chaos emeralds. And Idia, along with our group, had them. By having Riddle hunt them, Crowley was sure he could back them up and get the emeralds one by one.

Cue Idia losing his shit at that revelation. Like, it's a lot to take in today. His wedding was crashed, Crowley is back, apparently more aliens from his original birthplace came here, his father is alive, Ortho was hunted, and one of his almost husband was a secret agent, initially tasked with supervising him.

Cue grabbing crow man and chucking him through the ocean. Like if he dies, Idia doesn't fricking care. He's done and over and now he's staying criss-crossed, sulking as a petty kid, except that he's basically an all powerful diety of this earth. :'3

Still, Ortho tries to reach out to him, with the help of the rest of the group, Ortho manages to climb on Idia's shoulder and try to talk to him, firstly apologising for hiding the whole hunting thing from him. Idia accepts the apology, adding that he was worried sick when this whole thing got to light. Then Ortho urges to forgive Azul too, because he genuinely seems to love him and Malleus. And the 2 most likely are trying to see how to approach this whole thing. Idia is a bit hesitant, but he does allow Ortho to hug his cheek, before putting him gently down and grabbing Azul with Malleus. After they had a short talk, it was pretty obvious the small 2 kisses on the cheek and Idia seemed pretty happy as he finally rested back to his human form.

The wedding is still on tho! Except that most of the fancy dressing is torn or dirty from the fight around. :v

Idia gets properly introduced to Vil and Riddle. Being in an actual good mood, Idia does forgive Riddle, mostly since Crowley did manipulate him into this shit. The redhead does insist that if word goes back to the council of guardians, Idia will have to be locked away. That's how they kept his father too, in fear of destroying their planet. Buuuuuttttt if Riddle and Vil were here to, let's say, take care of this, then technically they could report that Idia was 'settled down' and it was safe. :3

The nice part, Vil and Riddle did settle in with new thing in their little town. Riddle as a teacher, while Vil as a theatre manager(upon promotions) so it was pretty chill and not anymore fear of other aliens possibly coming down to hunt the Shroud brothers.

The not so nice part: our group is still almost failing at socials :'3

A thing tho, was that our bros did ask Vil and Riddle if it's possible to see their father. The 2 said that for Ortho, it could be easier, but for Idia, due to still being fresh, him leaving the planet now, even for a bit, it could result in natural disasters left and right. Their best shot is having the father coming here, but that was, upon their words, impossible to achieve with the current guardian situation. Being tied to the core for much longer, Mr Shroud could leave it to be independent for a while, but, again, the guardians won't allow such thing.

So for now, they have no option but to leave it as that. U-Ub

[maxbegone]

a vent.

this is just going to be a stream of consciousness, but i'm kind of not doing phenomenal. not even remotely.

i post about it vaguely quite a bit, but there's a lot of tension between my uncle and i right now who has been, for all intents and purposes and for lack of a better term, my "guardian" since my dad passed (which is coming up on four years, holy shit). and, by extension, it's increased tension within my family and my. or, that's at least how i feel things currently are.

i didn't spend thanksgiving with family, and instead went to my friend's which was a safer option. i don't feel safe where i am right now — and i don't mean this in a "my life is at risk" kind of way, but more so in an emotional sense. i'm in a constant freeze state that's only increased in the latter half of this year. my uncle lives on a different level than everyone else; he's well off, his job involves people with too much money to know what to do with, and he's constantly making comments he thinks is funny, or makes comments in front of clients when i head into the office (emphasis on when) to work, such as, "i love her (me), but i want to like her." like. hi, that's not appropriate and all i do is lie down and take it. because you scare me. becuase you're an intense person who is extremely hard to talk to. i will be the first to say that i'm very lucky, and that if he wasn't in my life, i wouldn't have been alright these last few years. but it's getting to a point where i need to start setting a hard and strict boundary. i shouldn't be living in fear that he's going to show up at my apartment to berate me for something. i shouldn't be living in fear, period. and come february, he's kicking me off insurance. i'm turning 26, and what he's doing already is deeply generous, but if i can't find something with benefits, i'm fucked. when it comes to the whole job thing, this has me feeling like i'll wind up settling for something and getting stuck doing something for the rest of my life that will make me miserable. he's constantly making me feel like my life is just...over in less than two months and that i need to have had everything figured out the minute we said goodbye to my dad.

this has made my depression worse than i think it's ever been, i'm in a constant state of stress, and he recently stopped by to see if i was working at my actual job, saw i wasn't there, and then made comments to my managers and coworkers about me that had them really up in arms defending me (things like, "she's never here, give her more hours," blah blah blah that actually had my manager pulling me aside, in tears, to apologize for how he treats me). there are text messages that i have from him stacked up over the years that are really just...heartbreaking. for one, calling me lazy and spoiled the october after my dad died because i was refusing to leave my childhood home and get a move on into my new apartment, all that he sent in the family groupchat. did anyone defend me? no. i'm sorry, i know you all have dealt with loss, but my one parent is now gone and i'm sitting here gripping to every last memory i have of my life prior to all of this. cut me some slack.

there's so much more here. none of this probably sounds coherent and is probably more erratic than anything else. i'm working on all of this in therapy. and as for the "can you write down what you want to say to him" suggestions...no. because i'm not too sure he'll take me seriously. really makes me wonder what my dad would be saying right now.

my uncle scares me because of his intensity. he would never physically hurt me, but emotionally? absolutely. he's just not...aware. he's not aware. and he's caused me to do some things and open up old wounds that i really, really should not be. and once those open, they're hard to close, y'know?

these last few weeks have been awful. i think more about not existing than anything else. i'm lucky if i remember to eat. i'm lucky if i respond to a text message. i'm lucky if i get out of bed before ten in the morning, which is not who i am at all.

i couldn't do therapy this week because my account was overdrawn. i want to get a move on with my life and figure out what it is that i want to do, but i'm getting rejected from jobs or, i'm feeling too under qualified to even attempt to submit my application. everything i want to do feels too risky and i don't want to hear from my uncle about any of my aspirations or decisions. i have therapy scheduled for monday, but this week has basically involved me rotting away and, let's be honest, not taking care of myself. i'm actually debating on doing an everything shower at almost eleven o'clock at night just to feel better.

again. none of this is coherent, i'm sure. i feel so untethered and so disconnected from so many things in my life. i'm neglecting doing some things for the sake of other things. i've hurt myself because of it. i punish myself because this is what i feel i deserve. i want to set myself on fire and restart. like...nothing feels alright. nothing. i don't feel safe within myself, i don't feel safe within my family, despite knowing they care, and the other side isn't an option in the slightest.

i think there is going to be a day very soon where i just completely combust, and i'm not too sure what the results will be.

i'm not ok. i don't know if i ever have been. i don't know if there has ever been a single time in my life where i wasn't stressed. all i feel is inadequate, untethered and completely lost to the wind. i don't know what else to do.

[skylarsolaris]

Trying to understand the twins.

As an elder and younger sibling I have deep sympathy for the Yugi Twins, the idea of murdering your own siblings, espically your younger sibling is gut wretching I cannot imagine how it went down but that's for another post. Let's first dicuss the brothers relationship from what we know, theorize, assume, and peice together. Red House Arc

Due to being twins, Amane and Tsukasa are basically always together, both seem from this enjoy eachothers time and care about eachother very much. Amane however did seem to still have more matruity even at four, that doesn't mean he didn't engage though.

When going to his brother about his wish, Tsukasa wants to try it again, Amane listens and Tsukasa pursues this. This god under their house needs to be tested! Once again though Amane is bed ridden. Not able to play with his brother, however right now it seems to not be a concern. Amane suggests a book he wants, and that's when things begin for Tsukasa being a wish giver. After a chat with this "god" he starts trading for more and more gifts for his brother. As the days pass he continues to trade, a wish comes with a price yes and what is this "price". Well..

A life, a soul, a price.

Sound familar? Well when the day comes when Amane says those fate words "If I could just be like you Tsukasa, I wouldnt ask for anything ever again..." What Tsu believes is he hates him, that being his takeaway he uses his gulit to give Amane his only wish.

To live. It wasn't only Amane's wish but both of theirs, to live to be happy, but Tsukasa traded himself for his brother.

And I think well enough Amane regrets the words he told his brother. Why do I think this well y'know the black eyes the twins often manage to do in creepy scenes.

Amanes are associated with negative emotions I'd say.

Anger, seriousness, (denial), shock, fear. His firstinstance of using them eyes, was a child. Tsukasa isn't in his room...

Where's his brother? This is where we leave off in the earliest part of the childhood of the Yugi Twins. Afterword Tsukasa IS found, but we don't have enough information about their latter relationship. Theres a few things though-! The festival arc.

Now this IS the fake Tsukasa, however it could just be the fact Tsukasa is very very into katanuki. Maybe too much, Amane doesn't want to bother him so he doesn't drag him away.

There is the chance they had been playing during the festival, and Tsu got distracted. Omen is the newest arc with possibly being FINALLY some information on their relationship. We don't really know 100% how Tsu actually treated Amane after he returned home. I can get a idea though..Possibly they slowly drifted apart. It's not impossible for siblings to not hangout anymore, a conflict a large shift in your life can do that. I think this is what happened. Why? Well one I'm not using Picture Prefect yet- because it isn't really what we could say an accurate depiction of them. These are the spirits playing a role in a story in PP.

Because Tsukasa in Omen's flashback, and Tsukasa in Picture Perfect act completely different. Tsukasa in Omen is more calm from what we see, he's not as jumpy maybe and then with PP well-

Dramatic entrances as always Tsukasa. But he's much much more jumpy like he is as a supernatrual.

Which in all honesty had me cackling a little- bro jumped the moment Amane even spoke. But this is where it gets interesting, in Hell of Mirrors, Hanako says he'll be taking No. 3s seat back

And IMMEDITALLY Tsukasa goes anime villian on their asses.

Just a moment ago he was hugging and squeezing the Seventh Mystery, at the worst time he did the same with Mistuba!

So thats the question he goes from one mood to the next which could mean the real "Tsukasa" is still there. Maybe when he traded his soul? Hes' still in there but now he's been twisted into some far worse. Much. Much. Worse. Amane still loves his brother, he isn't able to fight back a lot because Tsu always has another card up his sleeve, Tsukasa is very very smart, even if at first it may not be the case... He can get into his head.

"I love Amane" can hurt. Tsu knows this he knows he can break him. Amane has lost it on his brother, he's trying to not screw up again, and even when he tries to stand up, Tsu has the strongest weapon of all words. This fake verison of distortion of Tsukasa Yugi still has love but it's more disturbing and twisted. Curiousity killed the cat. To add not only does Hanako even comfirm that's he's afraid of his brother, but we also know, Tsu is most important thing in the world to him. His yorishiro, it gives the user power, and it's like a battery, destory it you lose your power, you lose everything. Tsukasa is Amane's everything. Maybe it's the same for Tsukasa, because it was. If this was a switch up where Tsukasa was the Seventh Mystery Amane definetly would be his yorishrio. I realize this became a completetly different rant damn okay fuck uh..BYE??

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Thursday 2 November 1837

7 50

11 40

damp hazy morning shower of small snow Flying about now at 8 50 and F34° out till 9 then breakfast – A- just made it, and then went to Mr. Horner – out about 9 ¾ about till Holt came between 11 and 12 when A- had SW-  – shewed H- the agreement drawn up by Messrs. Holt and Thomas – to which I would not agree – would not pay more than 2/3 of the money on the engines’ working and would keep 1/3 in hand till after the warranty of the engine (say 6 instead of 12 months) was over – H- thought this very right – I had settled for H- and Booth to meet engine Holt here o Monday – when H- said he had been at L.E.P. and at Airgate pit, and believed the latter would be very nearly if not quite out of water – there is a throw up of 5 or 6 yards – all are of opinion this is the case, but it can be ascertained by Monday – well then said I, we can do without an engine at all at Listerwick – yes! agreed to wait another week before proceeding farther about the engine – and now in great hope of doing without it till wanted for the Incline – this (if true) will be the 1st piece of luck about the colliery – told H- to bring with him on Monday his calculation of what the colliery will make at Listerwick – he said it would not make so much the 1st year or 2 on account of there being ‘so much yarding’ and straight work that is driving water level, etc but thought it would make as much afterwards as their (the Holts’) colliery at the top of the hill – that is four hundred a year I did not take much notice of this apparently but thought within myself that surely I having no £80 per acre rent to pay ought to clear more than the Holts clean tho’ perhaps the charges for agency may = rent – I said I should try the colliery under H-‘s management with Joseph Mann as bottom steward and Robert as Banksman – H- proposed having a bookkeeper – but I thought this might be done without while the concern was confined to Listerwick? yes! said H- he meant there should be a bookkeeper at the Incline – but I think £400 or £500 a year would hardly afford the salary of a regular bookkeeper – the Banksman might suffice at Listerwick? – I said I meant the coal to pay for the Incline; and it must wait accordingly – then on H-‘s going a little while with A- then in my own room a little while then again with A- near ½ hour and then out from before 2 till dark – George took Mangnall to Mr. Wheatleys’ between 10 and 11 this morning and left him there – Robert + 3 at the bur walling against the road where the entrance gates were (the new wall and much more tumbled down in consequence of the platform stuff laid against it) Jack Green and David Mann filling up the 2 stall stable to level of cowhouse and making overflow drain to farmyard low trough this afternoon – some while with A- came in at 6 ¼ dressed  wrote and sent this evening by Sam Booth letter to ‘Mrs. Thompson Register Office Coney street, York post paid’ only inquiring this morning gave up the arrangement alluded to in my letter of yesterday – wish to know if she has a footman that will suit – should be glad of a man of good character to be engaged by the week or month for the next 3 months – to let me know the terms asked – dinner at 7 ¼ - tea – read the newspaper – A- read French – then we each wrote our journal – told her as I wrote it what had passed today with Holt – said I had not ventured to tell it before for fear of the news being

Joseph M- told me this evening Holt said 8/. but sure the mine from L.E.P. to L.P. could not be done for less than 9/. a yard = 180 yards = £81

105

186

and the mine from L.P. to Airgate pit fetching up all the level could not be done for less than 15/. a yard = 140 yards

too good to be true – wintery morning – snow showers and rain – small rain and damp this afternoon but on the whole tolerably fair from about 2 pm that the men could work out of doors – then till 10 ¾ read a little in Murray’s encyclopedia of geology on Indian botany – came upstairs at 10 ¾ at which hour F34 ½°

[jodilinbio]

Part 49

Written in late 2014, edited in 2024

The teens ended up being the worst years of my life, especially mid-2014 through 2016, and then beyond.

2014 was both great and horrifying. This time, the scary part had nothing to do with money but with my health. I came to realize that the number 4 was indeed unlucky, and then later learned that many Asian cultures believe the same. Once I realized it wasn’t my imagination after all, I was concerned when 2014 arrived. Since the year started off great and we got to the summer without any catastrophes, I was just about to relax and let my guard down until July 9th rolled around.

In late January, I found a new primary care doctor—a young and gorgeous 32-year-old I’ll call Dr. C. She was tall, blond, and blue-eyed, which is not my usual type, but her sexy smile and compassionate, personable nature won me over. I’ll admit, I developed a crush on her.

Dr. C diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s disease, which explained why my body wouldn’t respond to diet and exercise. I’d suspected either that or diabetes. Bloodwork also revealed I was low in vitamin D and had high cholesterol, the latter likely driven up by hypothyroidism and genetics. She started me on vitamin D supplements, 50 mcg of levothyroxine for my thyroid, and simvastatin for my cholesterol.

She referred me to an endocrinologist, Dr. D, who was my age and from Venezuela. Due to her packed schedule, my first appointment wasn’t until April and I can’t say I liked her very much.

Before seeing the endo, we had the trip of a lifetime! In late January, we spent a week in Ka’anapali, Hawaii, on the island of Maui. It was the BEST vacation ever. Flying first class was great.

We stayed in a $500-per-night room with an ocean view and loved watching the whales that had migrated from Canada.

We packed so much into that week: swimming, snorkeling, catamaran sailing, a luau, and even a submarine tour where we saw a sunken ship (deliberately placed for fish and sub-riders). The beaches were breathtaking, and swimming in the ocean was so much fun. The waves were huge, and timing was everything to avoid being knocked down. Tom wasn’t so lucky one time, and I laughed so hard, as did a woman nearby.

The luau wasn’t as fun as I hoped, but the catamaran ride was great, even if the food was bland. Snorkeling, though—that was magical. At first, I didn’t get the hype of looking at a sandbar, but once I ventured farther out—wow. The vibrant tropical fish and coral were like nothing I’d ever seen.

In April, I finally saw Dr. D. A normal TSH level is close to 0; mine was a staggering 32. After starting on 50 mcg of levothyroxine, it dropped to 12. Dr. D raised my dosage to 75 mcg, and I was okay at first, not realizing the stuff takes time to build up in the system.

Between the trip and the summer, we focused on home improvements. We painted, recarpeted, replaced old curtains with blinds, installed a new dishwasher, and swapped the dark brown carpet for a sandy beige shade called “Nomad.” We got new furniture as well.

Life was great—until one day shy of our one-year anniversary in the new house.

That morning, after Tom left for work, I found myself highly wound up. I had been for a couple of weeks, as well as short of breath, and figured it was simply me adjusting to having normal thyroid levels. I tried to calm myself but just minutes later, my heart began racing and pounding like crazy. Utterly terrified, I feared I’d accidentally overdosed. Though I wasn’t sure if it would kill me, the possibility crossed my mind as my head spun and fear consumed me.

I knew I needed to act. First, I had to call Tom to let him know in case something happened. Then, I opened the back door for the paramedics, just in case I passed out. My shaky hands somehow managed to work my new smartphone, and I called both Tom and 911. The dispatcher stayed on the line with me until help got to me. The paramedics arrived quickly, hooked me up to a cardiograph, and reassured me I hadn’t had a heart attack or taken a lethal dose. Relieved, I called Tom to tell him he didn’t need to rush home after all.

Months ago, I didn’t know nearly as much about Hashimoto’s, the medication used to treat it, or perimenopause/menopause. I knew in my gut that it wasn’t normal for me to feel that degree of epic anxiety, going into menopause or not, and that it was mostly connected to the medication. But what frustrated the shit out of me was that none of the doctors seemed to believe me. My primary care doctor was so sure that I had developed a severe case of anxiety out of the blue and prescribed a low dose of lorazepam to help. It helped to a degree but I also still knew my own body better and what was normal for it. If I hadn’t felt that way during the worst times of my life, why would I suddenly feel like that when things were at their best? Still, the anxiety was so overwhelming at times that I was grateful for the pills to take the edge off.

I continued to have the most god-awful feelings: my heart would race, I’d feel suffocated and dizzy, I had constant diarrhea, started losing weight rapidly, panicked, and felt like I was dying. It was the worst experience of my life. I’d rather gain 100 pounds than go through that again!

Eventually, I stopped taking all my medications, including my cholesterol pills. By then, I was terrified to take anything—vitamins, painkillers, nothing. While my primary care doctor was okay with me pausing the medication until I could see my endocrinologist for adjustments, she was adamant I needed to see both a psychiatrist and a counselor named Dana in Folsom.

Tom raised a valid point: I didn’t need a psychiatrist because I wasn’t crazy; I needed a lower dosage. Seeing a counselor was one thing, but being sent to a psychiatrist just to be given medication to tolerate another medication at the wrong dose was absurd. We realized we’d been too accommodating and had had enough of the incompetence, phone tag, and bureaucracy. That medical group, as a whole, was terrible. My endocrinologist was overbooked, her staff was incompetent, and while my primary care doctor was kind, I needed someone who would listen to me. After all, we found numerous complaints online from people taking the same medication. They certainly couldn’t all have suddenly been “just anxious.”

In November, we switched medical groups where I got a new primary care doctor, a new endo, and the same problem of not being believed and told that the medication can’t make you anxious because it’s the same stuff your body makes anyway. Don’t take my word for it though. When I say otherwise, look it up for yourself. Some people really are sensitive to this stuff, like it or not. I think a lot of doctors brush off side effects to make their jobs easier, which is a shame.

Dr. A, a young Ecuadorian physician, put me back on levothyroxine but at just 25 mcg for starters, since as she explained, the best way to deal with PTSD is to slowly expose someone to something they’re afraid of. Oh, I was definitely afraid of it all right, and had definitely acquired the case of PTSD!

Andy visited us in late November. It was wonderful to hug him for the first time in 15 years. While he talked too much about topics I didn’t care for—like celebrities, news, and God—it was still great to see him.

I’m no longer friends with Maliheh or Nane. Maliheh dumped me after feeling confident I’d keep her name out of my story. She befriended me under false pretenses, which shouldn’t surprise me considering her past behavior. I’m better off without phony people like that. As for Nane, I cut ties with her because of her hypocrisy and judgmental attitude.

I almost ended my friendship with Alison for a couple of reasons, but realized she has many more good qualities than bad, and the problems weren’t anything major.

I’ve been troll-free for over a year now, though I can’t say whether they still check in on me.

The park remains noisier than I’d like for a retirement community, especially during the weekdays. The constant landscaping and loud vehicles are a major annoyance. Another frustration is Bob turning his garage into a workshop. While I understand his need to stay active, the noise from his woodworking projects is still intrusive. Still, he and his wife are the best neighbors we’ve ever had.

Our rat, Romeo, passed away a few days ago. He was very old and, while not one of our favorites, he’ll be missed. We’re surprised Sugar, who had a stroke last May, is still with us.