#so i was thinking abt putting her up for download

[sadisim]

Sanae

Found this half edited picture of Sanae and I was like hmmm why not so I finished editing it even tho it’s like 2 years old lols

Anyways I’m workin on a character page via Google Docs so if you’re interested you can click here. It’s under construction but it’s gonna be finished soon :’D

[exopelagic]

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE

[giverofempathy]

besties i'm in a Situation and idk what to do

[spoopdeedoop]

hi i have some disorganized thoughts/hcs abt the found family human doctor au

(one of the thoughts being i should really give it a better name. another being YES this is only the nuwho doctors atm bc that's the only series i've watched so far apologies. if i ever get around to watching classic who i will add them trust)

BEHOLD my random, not at all in-depth headcanons

nine is the only one with a car out of all of them. they all keep bugging him to drive/pick them up from places -- he has mixed feelings about being the assigned taxi driver

both twelve and eleven are teachers -- college professor and preschool teacher respectively. twelve's students love them because he will say the most stupid, hilarious shit with a straight face without even knowing and eleven's students love him because he is the only teacher at the school that will dance with them during musical chairs (he doesn't even play the game. he just dances)

i want to make one of them an actual doctor but i don't think any of them could handle it unfortunately

they all share an an apartment flat on the same level -- nine, twelve and fifteen live in one room, ten, eleven and thirteen live in the one across from them. of course there are other people in the building too but they're all used to the strange loud hyperactivity of that particular flat. i think i'm using the right terminology here. yall know what im talking about

(i'm so tempted to make some companions be their neighbors)

nine and ten are the most insomniac of all of them, so they're used to bumping each other in the dead of night on their way to raid each other's respective fridges or something. very rarely thirteen will join them and they're like "WELL FANCY SEEING YOU HERE"

twelve does sleep, but like. he's nocturnal

eleven and ten hate each other in a sibling kind of way (see: day of the doctor). they are constantly sending each other death threats or tripping each other over. everyone is sick of it

sometimes when they're out shopping you'll hear ten yell "GET OUT OF THE FROZEN FOOD YOU NUMPTY WE ARE NOT BUYING FISH FINGERS" over the aisles and you'll hear eleven whine "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH" back

(if you're lucky you'll be able to catch fifteen mumble "why did we put them in the same apartment. are we asking for an eviction notice")

eventually eleven will pick a random stray cat off the side of the road, take her home, and name her bowtie, which is a stupid name, so everyone just defaults to calling her kitty

kitty's favourite person is twelve, to eleven's absolute despair

(my original idea for this was to initially have ten hate the idea of living with a cat, since he's stated full on in the show that he doesn't like cats, but apparently there is some very obscure doctor who comic run in which he falls into a depressive spiral and adopts a cat whom he names rose-the-cat, so he might actually like cats idk?)

anyway ten hates her until he doesn't lmao. he vents to her when there's no one else home and she will Stare at him back and it is a very nice friendship

kitty and nine watch shitty romcom together

they have a joint groupchat together -- half of it is just thirteen and fifteen assigning everyone outfits they find on pinterest and the other half is eleven asking where everyone went (he keeps getting lost when they go out)

nine doesn't know how to download pictures off the internet and so resorts to manually editing memes together to send to the groupchat and everyone's like "girl that's so much more effort........."

(yes he doesn't know how to press save image to camera roll but he knows how to use a photo editor flawlessly. such is the logic of the idiocy of the doctors)

eleven and thirteen get along very well i think. they're the only two of the group to play video games and so they bond over that. they also have ridiculously similar clothing taste

sometimes they'll succeed in getting fifteen to play pokemon with them and then they'll proceed to not see him until the next day when he comes out of his room and goes "you didn't tell me plusle couldn't evolve i've been levelling it up all fucking night"

friday is assigned movie night (it's always big hero 6)

eleven is the only one to actively seek out physical affection, usually really abruptly like clinging to thirteen's back as she passes him in the hall or bapping ten with the palm of his hand until he sighs and gives him a hug. he does expect a platonic kiss on the forehead from anyone before he goes to bed and will complain if he doesn't get one

anyway thats it i'm sick in the head and really sad. if this keeps up i may be forced to actually write a fic

[drawingeveryutau]

Quick addendum to UTAUs I will and won't draw

Been meaning to post this for a bit but kept forgetting

Genderbent/sibling/derivative UTAU who don't have independent voicebanks will not be drawn. i.e. UTAU characters that you get from tuning a preexisting bank a specific way; which means yeah I won't be drawing Kasane Ted, I'm sorry Ted enjoyers.

UTAU with racist/orientalist designs will not be drawn. I feel like this might be obvious, but I also want to make it Really clear: this includes UTAUs in like, "belly dancer" clothing, that's orientalist. Basically if they look like a LoZ Geru/do I'm not touching them.

Old/abandoned UTAU that still have public downloads up will be drawn. Even if it's someone's old work that they don't care about, or even actively dislike, I think it should still be celebrated :3

And I'm putting down one Specific UTAU here: I won't be drawing Oniko, the politics around her just make me kind of uncomfortable, so I won't be touching her.

And two more UTAU, not bc I absolutely won't do them, but bc I'm torn on them: ISIS-chan: Once again it's the politics, but I'm mainly more worried that people will get angry at me for drawing her RTFVYGHBJ Nedjem: Orientalism, mainly for their senui design, I'd be drawing my interpretation of her main design anyways but I'm just extremely unsure.

Also just generally, if I come across a design/character that gives me huge Ick I won't touch them. I know I said "every" UTAU, but also I have standards. Pretty Low Standards, imo, but standards still. Also don't try to argue with me abt designs not being orientalist or I'm just going to block you.

[davey-in-a-minivan]

Second Star to the left Pasithea Au??? 👀👀👀👀

okay there are actually three permutations that @munchiezxx and i discussed (listed in increasing order of my fondness for them!)--

scoutminder jane, scout sophie:

personalitywise, this one feels most obvious--sophie's got that intrepid explorer air, and jane WOULD be over-particular and stressed if she had to try to watch over sophie in a situation where she has almost no actual influence!

remember that part in pasithea season 1 where jane admits she doesn't mind hearing sophie's stories about other planets bc they're probably the closest she'll come to seeing new worlds herself? scout sophie lovingly describing her planet for the sake of jane, who they both assume will never see it, is born from that same wistfulness

like bell, scoutminder jane ONE HUNDRED PERCENT has a "criminal due to decisions of conscience" past that she drops no hints of and sophie is too self-absorbed to prod until something happens

a very funny situation made possible by this set up is that moreau is jane's on-station nemesis that she complains to sophie about and sophie's like "um are you're sure they're not flirting?? *i* think they're wildly attracted to you and it's pissing them off. you should flirt back" and jane's like "you're insane" and sophie, who finds the saga wildly entertaining, is like "jane pleeeease, im stuck on this nowhere planet, i can't start drama myself, you have to do it on my behalf, i'll literally coach you" except then one day jane gets on the radio and says "um. something very lgbt just happened between me and moreau" and sophie's like 👁👁 wait a minute (<- suddenly super jealous and BLINDSIDED by the feeling bc she literally spent weeks egging jane into this)

sometimes sophie crosses a line and jane gives her the cold shoulder, refusing to talk about anything non mission related, and sophie resorts to narrating stupid choices she's "going" to make until jane can't take any more and is like "i know you know that putting your fork in the outlet won't fix it, stop that" and sophie (who was bluffing about the fork AND the broken outlet) is like well okay fine :) 2. scoutminder sophie, scout jane:

my backstory thought here is maybe instead of jane getting thrown in prison for the ssttl-verse equivalent of the rowley conspiracy, she was "invited" to become a planetary scout

sophie would probably have an ideological faith in the institution of the scouting office (which she works for as scoutminder) that gets broken down over the course of the story

jane would freely rearrange mission priorities and modify equipment to suit her and sophie's like "for the love of god there is protocol to follow." and does jane listen? no <3

jane asks sophie to slip hieronymus cheng novels into her data download packages and sometimes she reads them out loud and sophie insists she's only half-listening and doesn't care about the plot. which is true she doesn't care about the plot!! but she loves to hear jane's voice :')

sophie also asks jane to describe her planet sometimes but she's trying so hard to picture jane, not the planet... she's like "what's the light like? is your hair up or down?"

my favorite aspect of THIS scenario is i think sophie would just wildly overshare abt her life to fill in gaps in conversation so she tells jane waaaay too much abt her love life on the station at first "for jane's entertainment" because "it's not like she's got much else going on", and then one day jane's like huh sophie hasn't told me about any of her hookups in excruciating detail recently, thank god (this is because sophie is pining horribly)

3. scoutminder jane (again), scouts sophie and george:

this one is notably different from scenario (1) bc in that one, scout sophie fills a gwen hartley-ish role; in this one she's mikhail

from sophie's pov: she finds out her planet is inhabited by a sentient species (the others!!!) and realizes that in order to protect them & humanity from each other, she has to fake her death and stay here alone. (i don't remember the name of mikhail's alien lover but THAT'S OMIKRON)

from jane's pov: sophie gets weirder and weirder over calls until jane hears another voice in the background and goes cold bc it sounds just like evelyn. and then sophie's like "yeah i need you to tell everyone i'm dead and leave me here alone with no company except my ghosts and the undead replica of the guy we both loved!!! and you have to be the only one who knows what happened to me while everyone else mourns me!!!"

meanwhile jane and moreau are having their whole haters-to-soulmates arc over the radio (remember how moreau names the egoran corpse in their closet and insists jane treat her with respect?? they would sooo anthropomorphize their bot and then condescendingly explain to it why jane is wrong during arguments)

also moreau's a xenobiologist and i just think they deserve to have a field day investigating the weird vines on their planet and jane listens to a thirty minute monologue abt the vines' growth behaviors and is like "wait why is this so endearing"

jane gets in trouble for insubordination on the station bc of course she does and moreau finally gets josephine to track down information abt jane's background, finds out abt [rowley conspiracy equivalent] and is like "oh shit. that actually makes me like her even better. shit she can't go to PRISON abt this"

i do think coordinating a long distance jailbreak by calling in favors from random ppl who are fond of jane (anders? david alegros?) is something moreau is capable of AND likely to do

so jane escapes to moreau's planet, they finally meet in person, and then sophie turns up out of fucking NOWHERE to find jane bc while moreau's been having their ssttl 'express your newly recognized feelings for your erstwhile scoutminder by breaking them out of jail and bringing them to your planet' plotline, sophie was having her pasithea s3 'i need to convince the aliens to give me a ride home' plotline

now all three of them are on a planet together and it's GOING to cause problems!! but the fun kind!!!

ANYWAY THANKS FOR ASKING!!!

[doyouremem8erme]

Hii can I share a new Marcy Harm idea with you?? A sort of Raised in Amphibia AU with a twist - as soon as Andrias took little Marcy in, he realized she was insanely intelligent, like as a toddler and all she would beat him at flipwart and read complex science books and stuff, like this kid's IQ is through the ROOF. So being a bit of a sciency guy himself he thought, mmmm what if we exchange the Core's current digital hardware for a biological one? The human brain is stronger than any computer in the multiverse. Not only is he giving the Core a body, but a whole new level of software processing like this kid's grey matter is insaneeee just imagine all the weird immortal AI processes you can run in it!

So ever since she's little he basically grooms her into being the perfect host. She spends all her time either connected to weird wires that go deep into her nervous system to prepare her for the Core, or being made to solve puzzles and learn languages and do all of this stuff to exercise her brain. She's super young when the Core is transported into her and Marcy kinda... ceases to exist? She's vaguely conscious of her surroundings but it's not like she has any sense of self or awareness of what's going on. She's like an expectator who can't think feel or understand anything. Her brain is being used by someone else.

So when Anne and Sasha, who also grew up in Amphibia, eventually fight this big bad that's been threatening their world, they're surprised to find out it wasn't like... a robot or a newt in a weird suit, but a small human girl that looks roughly their age and can barely form a word and doesn't know her own name or what's going on. Their entire lives they thought they were the only two humans in Amphibia! They're definitely bringing this one over to the Plantars' farm. If only she could understand what's happening around her. She was a piece of hardware, right? She was a machine. She was vaguely aware of that. She was The Core, or at least its processing system. She doesn't know she's a person.

ohhh this reminds me a lot of my old omelas au except without utterly butchering the concepts of ursela k le guin's work. i LOVE it

and back when i was working on that au i went down a pretty disturbing wikipedia rabbit hole about what it would be like to try to recover from really extreme levels of mental neglect and lemme just say that after they free her . it would take something close to a miracle to let her live a normal life.

now that youve made me think abt this concept again tho i am GOING to be rotating it in my brain so very hard like. in my old fic i hadnt put much thought into how marcy had ended up in that situation but. now. i cant stop thinking about like . anne and sasha finally finding this other human and shes completely broken from being used like that for so so so long. seeing that done to someone. thats a level of horror worse than any of the scary wildlife in amphibia . andrias is SO fucking dead for this one

anyways just for fun heres the opening of the ones who walk away from newtopia. this is super super old. for context it was a human au + olivia is andrias's daughter in it.

i never fully decided how much of this was marcy being used by the core to like. make its choices for how best to rule this utopia and how much it was some kinda karmic magic where all the suffering that would otherwise exist rested solely on her shoulders . but i think the implication was that she was gonna get the core fully downloaded into her at the end there? idk its been a long long time

ok i should probably go leave to go vote!!! yay!!! but i will be THINKING about this. oughhhh used as the cores computer her whole life thats good

[jinxiguess]

GONE characters in a british highschool

this is like the stupidest post ive ever made also disclaimer i know NOTHING about the american school system so i think half of them are probably in the wrong years also i didn't want to put all of them in the same year so ignore how some of their ages dont even match up😭

SAM

year 11

ALWAYS forgets ingredients for food tech

and then burns everything

and then forgets to take it home and just leaves it in the fridge at the end of the day

never remembers to put money in his school account and quinn has to buy him lunch every single day

sleeps through maths

has the most obvious crush on astrid and the entire school knows

ASTRID

year 11

made it her life goal to get head girl when she was in year 7

and got it ofc🤭

try hard in every single class

and top set in everything

always has so much stationery

goes to homework club EVERY SINGLE DAY

besties w the librarian

somehow oblivious to the fact sam likes her

QUINN

year 11

always late to every lesson no matter WHAT

somehow keeps ending up front row in school fights and gets interrogated abt them

"can i go to the toilet?" and takes like 20 laps round the school before he comes back

takes 0.5 pictures of everyone

sells overpriced sweets at lunch and makes bank

threatens to fight people after school but never does

joined the football team but nobody ever passes to him bcs he cant play to save his life

EDILIO

year 10

accidentally downloaded a virus on one of the computers and nearly got expelled

gets squashed in the lunch queue

buttons up his blazer to look smart

makes sam join clubs with him so he isnt alone (he's scared of the year 8s)

tried to feed the seagulls outside the school

hangs out in the library w roger and denies that they're dating but literally everyone knows

so bad at pe that he doesnt even bother bringing his kit anymore n just gets sent to iso

LANA

year 11

literally never in class

vapes in the toilets w diana

ALWAYS in iso

dated quinn for like a week in year 8

somehow pulls absolutely everyone

so popular but everyone is also scared of her because one time she scrapped w drake and bashed his head in

brings alcohol to EVERY party

CAINE

year 11

head boy even though he does NOT deserve it

leads the year 7s to the wrong side of the school

pe try hard (screams "WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET THE BALL" at his teammates)

year 7s all have a crush on him

acts like he caught a disease after he touches a year 8

has like 60% attendance but the teachers still love him

never goes to form

always shoving in the canteen queue🙄

gets way too competitive over kahoot

literally never been sent to iso except that one time he shoved drake off his chair in the middle of class

DIANA

year 11

rolls her skirt up and always gets in trouble for it (and refuses to roll it back down)

vapes in the toilets w lana

sprays entire bottles of perfume every time shes near the year 7s

and then makes friends w them specifically to slag them off later

stalks the teacher's socials

uses xx or 💋 after EVERY SINGLE TEXT

has a pandora bracelet and wears different charms on it everyday

somehow untouched by school air

DRAKE

year 11

"WHAT DID I EVEN DO???" every time he gets sent out of class (he was literally jumping on the tables)

starts like half the fights in the entire school

scraps outside tesco like every single day

LOBS paninis at the year 7s

steals tesco trolleys

should probably just go live in iso atp

got kicked off the football team bcs he wouldnt stop slide tackling

literally on the verge of being expelled

DEKKA

year 10

1000% done w everyone elses shit

sits in empty classrooms at lunch n pals w the teachers

way too stressed abt gcses

actually really really good at music

so quiet but somehow everyone knows who she is

used to take the bus to school but decided she didnt want to have to deal w all the year 7s and stopped

got hit in the face w a netball in pe

BRIANNA

year 9

absolutely sprints to the lunch line

gets so mad whenever someone doesnt pass the ball to her in pe

and always fighting w caine in pe

shoplifts from tesco

forgets her pe bag at least once a day n leaves it everywhere

always getting sent out for talking back

LOST the form pet hamster

nearly blew up a science classroom

TAYLOR

year 8

always talking shit about everyone

makes those tips for year 7 videos

defo has pe first on a friday😭

snitches on EVERYONE

makes tiktoks in the bathrooms

spends half the lessons making her titles cursive and pretty

makes fun of the year 7s as if she wasnt one like two months ago

JACK

year 7

GIANT backpack

and probably gets trampled in the corridors

probably wears undertale or harry potter keychains (and gets bullied abt it)

always gets hit by paninis travelling at 1000kmph

got given a top locker and cant reach it

cries when he gets in trouble

PENNY

year 8

rolls her skirt up unevenly

side eyes EVERYONE

vaped in the toilets and taylor snitched on her

REFUSES to wear her blazer

falls over in pe and everyone sighs when she gets put on their team

got put in iso for insulting all the teachers

ORC

year 10

stabs his radnor fizz w a compass and sprays it at all the year 7s

also starts like a million fights

NEVER has a pen

grabs peoples bag straps and yanks them backwards

always steals the year 7's footballs and boots them into orbit

wears black airforces instead of school shoes

and is never ever ever wearing his tie

HOWARD

year 9

keeps getting mistaken for a year 7

hangs out with older kids to look cool

and then brags about it

sells vapes behind the school at break

tries to break up orc's fights and gets flung halfway across the pitches

MASSIVE blazer (looks like a roblox character)

SANJIT

year 10

probably a theatre kid

runs to every class so he isnt late

always skips pe

that one kid who highlights EVERYTHING

somehow manages to record EVERY SINGLE FIGHT (and then sends it to everyone)

holds therapy sessions in the toilets

that one asthmatic kid who screams whenever anyone sprays anything

[bithegai]

Hey this might be stupid or not helpful but idk felt like saying it

I've followed ya for a long while, ya were one of the first blogs I followed like what? 3ish years ago and am in shambles as well cause of. Well. All that. And just wanted to say that if ya will leave, I'd suggest not deleting anything permanently. I can't say much specificness cause I can't remember that time well but I do remember yr blog was always nice to check, wish I would've interacted more when stuff was good. Idk. Like at the end do whatever n all but I've liked the stuff ya put here and idk. It's a nice place. English isn't helping me much right now but I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed following ya, I didn't really know ya but you were cool. Wish you the best during these difficult times and just. Thanks for everything

Aw thank you.... that's very kind of you to say ❤️ and reassuring considering the thousands of blogs that come and go. I always just used this as kind of a rant blog for all HC stuff so it's v sweet hearing at least someone else got some joy out of it too lol. Feels like it's just another speck in the abyss, so genuinely it's very sweet that you remember it anon. Even crazier that you've been here for all these years too.... Would've been awesome having another friend to enjoy the wild ups and downs with

And honestly I'm not final on what I'm gonna do, just very.... lost like you. It just feels so weird right now cause like, pretty much my existence here is bc of Stress? (And yes, even though those involved have said all the issues were only with the other person 1. she still left and 2. the vast majority of her content involved him) Like I started this blog and made a twitch account for her. I learned how to archive vods bc of her. My first HC fanart is of her. The first "big" post I made was a list of recommendations for Stress episodes. And even though I talked abt her less recently compared to back then, personally she was such a big part of my enjoyment here that now I'm just ......?

Like I haven't posted about this, just bc I agree the focus should stay on those hurt by his actions and amplifying their stories. But god there was so much more I wanted to see from Stress. I was looking forward to the completed "Sentimental Stress" base. Possibly a revival of the Allium Alliance, and maybe even one day a 5/5 hermit gals collab. But it's never happening now. And honestly? I think I could've been fine, moved on. But it's the fact that there's nothing left to look back on either that hurts me the most.

In the past, when something grim happened, I would just play an old HC episode or a funny vod to cheer up. But all those videos I turned to, always feature either one or both of them. Not to be a stereotypical stan, but they were rlly my safe haven on those dark and dreary days. ......and now here we are. Not only is there little to look forward to, but it feels there's nothing left behind either. Cause tbcfh? My favorite part about HC is the history, seeing how long these friendships took to develop and how much stronger they are for it. So I loved those older, cringy series like Hunt the hermit or Foolcraft. And ofc I also downloaded a bunch of vods to watch back. Like the first big vault after co-op crystals were introduced, or that one 2021 twitch rivals with the two and False and Impulse. Hell I even have Ren's old MC dungeons vod of the three of them from when the game first released. But what's the point now? Everything I used to look forward to now leaves me sick, so what is there to turn to?

Honestly tho you're right anon. For preservation's sake I'll keep everything here even if I do end up going. With tumblr how it is, things get a lot more difficult to reach once someone deactivates. And I forgot I have things that False and Cleo (for the short time they were here) reblogged that I'd like to save. But we'll see. I hope you've been doing alright with this too anon. I mean hey, we've stuck around here for over 3 years now. All this time with the hermits has taught us that the best thing we can do: is to listen and support each other to build a brighter, kinder tomorrow

[seung-mong]

heyy lily! i js wna fangirl a little bit and tell you that your deletion of the one shots you had on wattpad were what made me download tumblr to find them again. like when you followed me back i was like absolutely shook. anyways, i js wanted to ask you if you would put your han jisung one shot back again. it's killing me that i can't remember the title but it's the one where they're friend's with benefits and he finds her at minho's restaurant opening talking to Johnny from NCT and he gets all jealous and then Jonny's confused abt if he's interfering with smth or if they're together and she says no while jisung says yes. and then ji pulls her into the bathroom and they fuck or wtv right and then as she's abt to leave the restroom first as usual, he asks her to stay and she finally tells him that she being a booty-call is js too tiring and miserable for her but he wants to try to be in a relationship for her. as you can tell i think about this often. this and the summer days seungmin fic. they way they both stuff her panties in their back pocket im SOBBING. i absolutely adore your work and i was wondering if you'd ever put it back up again? thank you so so so much lily. you're amazing :)

OH MY.... i forgot abt wattpad may it BURN IN HELL for deletinf my books but omg BABYGIRL THIS MADE ME SO?? GIDDY?? NOT U MEMORIZING THE PLOT BAE okay lucky for u i do have those in storage i will be uploading them tuhNIGHT omg i love u what the

[keira-kaz2y5]

Ok so finally found the time to watch episodes 7x02 - 7x04 with my mum. (I’ve already seen them all at least twice, this was her first watch)

The whole episode I was kinda nervous but super excited.

Can I mention again here that she previously did not ship buddie at all, said me and people these days are “always making things gay when they’re not” and said they were “just friends” and the Ravi Buck Eddie sewer call she reiterated this statement saying “see? They’re just good friends” after buck’s clear jealously, which, fair. Yk it can def be seen as friendship— unless you’re open to the fact characters are allowed to be queer and not stated, and also that he’s been played as bisexual since s1 with sooooo much TEXT and SUBTEXT abt it—

When it finally got to the loft apartment scene I was shocked it had come round so quick (I swear that episode felt longer when I watched it alone), and immediately I felt my heart beating a lot faster in anticipation. At the buck Tommy kiss, to my surprise she reacted by grinning wide smiling like in disbelief and stayed like this until they pulled away and we saw buck’s reaction then she sorta manic laughed at buck’s “that works” I think out of disbelief and shock and amusement at buck’s starstruck reaction, “… Saturday? 🥹🤩”and his joke about fake mouth static.

Then as Tommy was walking out and talking about a date my mum said “that’s gonna make.. Eddie, really… mad.” (She was distracted listening to the rest of the scene and dialog)

😆 so her initial reaction was soooo much better than I’d expected/feared!! (From here it turns into kinda a trauma dump with 911 about I realised I’m so so so repressed.. read at ur own risk lol!)

But then of course I went and fucked it up by getting too excited and blabbing.

(I voice memo recorded this whole scene to get her reaction) she asked me about how “so he’s (buck) saying he thought he was jealous but it wasn’t of Eddie it was of him (Tommy).” And I sorta spiralled saying yeh because that’s how he saw it in that moment because he’s trying to figure out what these new feelings are and who they’re for etc and went down the rabbit hole of Tommy being gay from the start (army, ‘begins’ episodes..) and so on and my mum heard like 4 seconds of this and stood up and collected dishes and stuff and walked away saying I was getting too much into it (fair, my adhd does tend to make me mentally jump subjects fairly quickly in ways it doesn’t make sense to other people)

But she never really has healthy conversations with me about queerness, don’t get me wrong I love my mum and she isn’t like throwing me on the street for saying I’m bisexual, but she also isn’t exactly having healthy conversations about it with me either. She prefers to avoid the conversation a lot and stay silent about it, so the repression is real and tbh I didn’t even realise how repressed I was until about 3rd December 2023 I saw a picture of two women kissing and I fully went “oh shit I’m bisexual, I almost forgot I liked women”. Yeh. The repression is so real.

I then went on a Pinterest spiral downloading women photos and made an album on photos app to put it all in so that I had that place to go to and look and I would never be so repressed that I forgot again. I have since been much happier and more queer and open within myself

(For reference this is the picture)

(This is the photo album - not my photos, all from Pinterest)

(Note: I am a teenage girl)

And the only other time I realised I was repressing it, was on holiday with my auntie that I see like once a year, when she teased me about a girl I’d spoken to from a street vender thing and I realised that “oh this is normal” like, families should tease me and be comfortable about it. (Although they don’t tease me about boys much either so..)

Because my family never feel so open about my sexuality to be that comfortable. Whenever the subject comes up it turns into almost an argument because they think I only think I’m gay because I hung out with two lgbt girls for 3, 4 years and they were my only close friends.

Apparently the gay is contagious 🤣

My Nan is homophobic, she’s “of a different generation” apparently and can’t change. She’s not super bad about it but does make comments like “it’s wrong��� so I never really talk about it. My brother had the “my friend is gay so i can’t be homophobic” mentality, and also believes like my mum that im only bisexual because of my old friends.

But fr they don’t say it’s a phase specifically but they sort of play it off like one saying I only “think that” because of them (my friends at the time — who I’m not even friends with anymore)

And one time watching the hen and Karen begins episode with the nasa lab explosion- when we get that make out scene between them, my mum laughed and said she was uncomfortable because it just looked “unnatural” and I know she said this because they were a bit fumbly in the scene, knocking things over and kicking off shoes and both plus sized women, but that reaction has just stuck with me since. Because it’s still a beautiful moment and yes they look different to typical people making out but it’s still sexy and a vibe but also I am a plus sized woman, so yes that could be my future. Another time before this when there were some HenRen scenes in bed my mum said to me “is that what you wanna do, cuddle up to some woman in bed like that 🤨” and I was sooo unprepared for that question and sorta went ‘uh yeh no yeh but not like them two because Hen isn’t my type yk but yes’ and she went 🧐 hm ok 🤷‍♀️

These things have stuck with me

And also when I had a therapist last year the one time I mentioned being bisexual and she that’s something we should talk about I completely shut her down and said it’s fine nothing to talk about and looking back… man I was repressed. Like dayum.

And now I realise I have so much to say.

And the tipping point for all this, is the bi Buck canon, of course. Only 3 days ago but feels like a lifetime already, just the portrayal and the delivery and perfection and sentiment of it all hits so hard, especially the fan reactions, but also actor and director and journalist reactions and everything Tim has had to say on it including Oliver and Ryan interviews. And it’s made me so emotional about it all, I can’t even express how genuinely happy to my core i was the first 2 days every second, and I was dancing around my kitchen, grinning every 3 minutes when I remembered… it was bliss. I felt so seen and happy and loved, appreciated and respected and represented. It’s unreal. Especially the joy and care Oliver has given this.. i can’t explain. It’s so validating.

Within myself I feel much more at peace, and I have realised that in fact I was repressed, and still kinda am.

So bringing it back to the start was that after watching this with my mum I tried to express to her how much this means and the backstory and what’s going on online about it with the directors and actors and everything but I hardly even said a thing and she kept saying how “it’s just a show” “it’s 9-1-1!” “You’re getting too much into this/too attached” even when I tried explaining how queer storylines is something we have to search for to watch in media, and how this will change media from now on and the representation.. she kept walking away, trying to change the subject and invalidating it all saying stuff like

“it’s just a series! You act like it’s a real person!” “You do, you get carried away with it.” “Ok Keira 🙄🚶‍♀️.. yeh! You’re just getting a little far-fucking-fetched” “right… Keira.” “It’s just a show!” Me: “It’s more than a show.” “In your head it is.” “You’re just going on”

Bear in mind I wasn’t actually going into depth, I was stating how this is a big thing and said literally what I’ve written here, like this is 30 seconds of me talking. Because I wanted to have a healthy conversation about it all, but clearly it didn’t work and i should’ve just been happy with the smile reaction and left it at that.

I tried directly pointing out the problem, too, saying that she never wants to have a healthy conversation with me about it all, to which she replied the “it’s just a show/you’re getting too much into it” part and when I addressed that this family is slightly a little bit homophobic but none of them will admit it she was laughing and going “it’s 9-1-1! It’s 9-1-1!” “(I) make it out into some big drama” (I wasn’t raising my voice or anything I just wanted to have a conversation about it with her, she was the one raising her pitch) and how I’m “just taking it all to another level!” Me:‘Because it is at another level, this is so huge for the industry and the queer community’ “oh god, Keira.. you make such big dramas out of it,” (me literally not being dramatic at all, just wanting a nice discussion about this and both the reactions of fans/non-fans/people, how it’s done so well—compared to other storylines and shows— and the impact this will have on so many things) my mum:… “you always twist me to make it out that I’m some horrible person” to which I responded “well no, because you’re not but you could be more healthy about it, you always laugh it off or change/avoid the subject” (me talking about queerness in general, not 9-1-1, to which she replied) “nanna gets like this over Coronation Street! And I just don’t understand! It’s just a show.”

These quotes she said are direct because I audio recorded everything. Probably not in the right order bc the explanation is a little messy what can I say it’s adhd like I said 💅😵‍💫🤷‍♀️😅

Yeh so I guess this is turning into some Reddit thing like AITA am I the asshole for wanting a healthy conversation and for my family to be more comfortable about queerness in general as well as my own (bi)sexuality but also it’s just me expressing how tonight went to anyone who’s stayed to read this. Maybe I should go back into therapy. It’s just my old therapist I never really told her the deep things but also finding someone new that works with me is expensive and exhausting. So it’s been a hard night but I will still rewatch the scene to find happiness in it all again. I just want to wait until I’ve slept it off so I can be fresh and remember the happiness and validity I felt on friday & sat

[1eos]

Hiii, just want to say after i saw you post about karin slaughter's pretty girls book; i was intrigued and downloaded it immediately. I forgot about it until 2 days ago and lemme tell you I've never finished a book this fast. I wanna rant.

**SPOILER ALERT**

I hate all the men in the book (except for the normal ones) so much I want to scream. I hate how corruption is everywhere and it disregards the lives of innocent people. The deterioration of sam's health and murder for wanting justice for his family was truly devastating to read.

Every time claire uncovers new evidence of paul's crimes, I had to put my phone down. And then after she saw the pics in the usb, my heart fell to my gut. It's not fair what happened to the harrold family but I am happy they got closure.

Also, I'm a bit confused on Paul's fascination with julia and her sisters... was it simply because of his need to control pretty girls, hence the book title?

*drops everything* LETS DISCUSS ITTTTTTTTT.

spoilers under the cut

god isnt it a thriller? and when u find out how deep the corruption went.....i think thats what made me feel so fucking sick bc the family went to the police. they begged them for answers and they KNEW what happened. that one police chief guy participated in searches and press conferences and not only knew who took their daughters but was taking pictures with their bodies like they were prized game. oh it made me SICK

and the dad.....wow. like what a tragedy he truly lost everythingggggg. and its crazy that something in his gut just did not sit right about paul. that 6th sense bro. and yeah im glad the sisters got closure even tho the closure probably traumatized them to hell and back. i really like that at the end claire took back her power. i was sooooooooooooooooooo scared they were gonna pull a 'im as bad as u if i kill you' but no. she tore him the fuck up. so cathartic.

as for paul's fascination. its been a while since i read it so i can't quite remember all of the details but iirc from what i got was his dad initiated him into the misogyny murder club with julia. so julia was pauls first victim and he seems to get off on seeing the suffering his actions caused so i think he started stalking the family after that. and when i google the book apparently paul mentions that his dad did something similar in that his wife didnt know anything but would join in on searching for the missing victims and so it seems to be a perverse pleasure in secretly being the cause of someones torment

so julia was the first. he wanted to get off on her family's suffering. stalked them. found out abt lydia but wasnt attracted to her bc she would be harder to control and claire was the perfect victim. and then married her and kept getting pleasure from her and her family's grief that he caused and keeping her in a cage. very sick. kinda nonsensical if u look at it from a normal person's brain but paul only seemed to derive happiness from hurting women so when u examine him as the final boss of misogyny and arrogance its like ohhhh okay u freak

[divineclaw]

12 + genshin, 20 + kelp forest :]

hiii tyvm!! ilyyy <3333

12. what attracted me into checking it out

All of my friends on twt were playing it for approximately two years, I tried to downloaded the game back on 2021 (?) but I gave up because of launcher issues. On 2023, I heard of Yelan's rerun and she has the same japanese VA with Shoko Ieiri from JJK and I love her so I tried to download it again and pulled for Yelan as my first limited five stars and no regrets at all I love her sm....

20. how and when they should get/should have gotten together

AURGH I posted something on twitter abt this......but basically Haytham keeps coming back to Aaru Village for several reasons (individual work, cyno and/or dehya are there, kaveh's library project) or no reason at all (to read book somewhere alone) and Kandake always invites him for dinner when he's around, and eventually they talk more.

Haytham always talks about his colleagues, friends, and people he knows and Kandake always listens, as if she also loves them too (she DOES). He finds that he doesn't have to hide his adoration to people around him when she's around. Eventually the talk about other people turns into talk about each other, gentle and careful approach of each other's values, ideas, thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc etc. Without realizing it, they get comfortable with each other's presence and one day they hurriedly break the kiss initiation when Uncle Anpu finds them in the archive <3333

(Idk how to put concepts into words but there's something kind about Kandake being moon instead of guiding star, it will always there in the sky, kindly watching everything and giving her light unconditionally, even if you walk away from it. So I always think kelp forest is just like the moon and the tide, they're subtly dancing around the earth while everyone is asleep)

Ask from here!

[wriothesleysgf]

DELILAH ! gmorning sunshine i hope u slept well n had vv nice dreams ^v^ what r u n denki up to today ? pls tell me abt anything rlly i love listening to u ramble abt things u like or that bring u comfort/joy !（＾∇＾）

CADIE BBIE ! ! how r u doing sweetheart ! !

OKIE SO 'VE BEEN OBSESSED W GAMER BOYFIE DENKI ND I AM CURRENTLY DOWNLOADING SIMS 4 SO YOU KNOWWWWWW WHAT WE R UP TO ! ! I THINK IT WOULD BE CUTE IF WE MAKE EACH OTHER'S SIMS ! ! AND WE CAN MAKE OUR DREAMMMMM HOUSE ! !

tbh okay if ur asking 4 rambles i will go off on a tangent here because i think me nd denki have veryyyyy different taste in games but we both start enjoying the other's favourites too? so like, he plays a LOT of shooters and fps games — i think he would teach me to play val !! he usually plays w sero and mina, so they're rly happy to have a fourth player ! nd mina is my bestie anyways ndidhdj cuz i said so >< ANYWAYS they r all superrrrr patient too ! ! and i usually play cozy games nd stuff (like animal crossing and stardew) BUT WE HAVE THE CUTEST LITTLE STARDEW FARM TOGETHER ! ! he does the fishing and lets me decorate and put flowers everywhere ! and we go down to the mines together and i'll cook for us AAAA ! as for acnh tho. . . we share an island and denki once accidentally kicked a pattern off the ground and panicked so badly that he called ochako to fix it (she plays animal crossing cuz i said so) ! omg we also play genshin together too ! ! it's kinda the middleground for us aaaa — it's funny cuz i am a higher ar then denki ehe. i think he would main eula tbh ? i don't have a good reason for it, maybe he's just a filthy meta slave nsjdjf ! but i think it's rly funny cuz i can whip out my C6 bennett and mess up his dmg mwahaha ! or maybe he would main klee ! cuz she's so chaotic ! nd they match ! i do think he would have kokomi tho, nd when we're in co-op mode he plays her usually and keeps me healed up IT'S RLY SWEET CUZ IN VAL AND STUFF I WOULD PLAY HEALERS ! oh he also plays fortnite. specifically w deku's skin. and then beats the fuck out of actual deku who's on the other end of the discord call. no cuz imagine how funny it would be if sero, mina, and denki rope izuku into a game of quads nd they're all wearing his skin while izu is just in one of the basics T.T chaos trio fr

oh also denki tried to convert me to pc gaming and i threw a pillow at him

[sorryimananti-romantic]

ahahah i havent moved *yet* (prolly when skl closes) and yes im the one who wrote the thingy titled desperate remedies (ironic considering my situation here ☹)

context: like a week ago we were chatting as we have since 2022 (we've been seperated since 2017 but recently got in touch), when all of a sudden she disappears. this sometimes happens, and it generally lasts for like a day or 2 b4 shes back to normal (normal as in actually putting an effort to converse). but this past week, she's gotten so distant, and its never happened b4 ☹

i went to my brother about it like 2 days ago n he said sth like know your worth and if she doesnt want to put an effort into speaking with you, stop expecting her to. and then more stuff before ending it with "a tip for the future: dont get too attatched to people. i know its a bit too late to say this now, but keep it in mind later on in life" when i tell u that was the biggest reality check ive gotten like damnnn sir yes sir why didnt i let bro cook earlier 🗣🗣🔥🔥

so today in a lighthearted manner i confronted her abt it

"hi. you havent been thinking about me enough to send a message 🤨. not even a "hi" or "good morning pooks" or "how are you" 😞😞😞" (i didnt actually put full stops, these were all seperate messages)

and yk what she replied with?

"HEYY. wasnt active on snap lil bro🙏" fym wasnt active bro the only reason i even downloaded snap was so i could talk to her and she thinks this is a valid excuse? "wasnt active" is a valid excuse to practically ghost your BEST friend of basically 15 years? damn

i sent a bunch of messages (most definitely NOT casually bc icba to be polite after she pulled that shit) telling her abt my feelings on the matter. she hasnt seen them yet, and idk if i should delete them or wait for her to see it

help meeeeememememememe ☹☹

your bro knows whats up 🗣🗣

hmmmm best friend of 15 years but you've been separated since 2017, i think it's normal to have gaps in communication bc you can't talk to the same ppl every single day unless you really really get along (the only ppl i talk to on a regular basis are all internet friends and that prob says sth about me too lmao)

but your bro is right- it does feel like both the case of 'you're too attached' and 'no effort from that friend'. since you've already sent msgs telling her about your feelings, i think it will be clear to you now about what she wants and then you can make decision about what to do next accordingly? kjfhgjkdhg

i think if she wants to save this friendship she'll be clear about her feelings on this matter and maybe you'll both find a middle ground about how you're going to navigate in the future. good luck <3

[l48yr1nth]

Rant about something [weather you like something or hate something or an oc just whatever]

im not much of a ranter, actually. me and my BIL get along well because he always has something to say and i'm always down to just listen LUL. under the cut so nobody has to look at a wall of text if they don't want to

but erhhh ummm.... its really pretty outside today! i live on a lake, and i sit in just the right spot in my living room to see out to the backyard. as we get into the summer months, the sun starts to shine directly in through the windows to blind me! but i like the feeling of the sun so it's alright. My cat's ear funk is back (smells smelly) so i have to clean them soon (she will hate me). right now one of our bunnies is in the neighbors yard cus she found a hole in the fence! we're waiting on her to come back cus they aren't home LUL. we're going to be getting another dog soon from one of my aunts. my aunt got cancer and doesn't want the dog to go to her absolute pathetic leech asshole of a son (she jokes that she's a little relieved she won't have to deal with him much longer. i could go on about this guy but it honestly doesn't matter). the dog itself will be a bit of a problem. she's completely untrained, and never learned to play nicely! we have two other dogs to hopefully correct the playing rough stuff, but we'll have to properly potty train her. probably some other behavioral corrections too. we're going to put up gates on either side of the house so she can't run away through there (our one dog, chico, used to get out that way. he stopped at some point). we were originally planning to fly the dog back cus she's a ways away, but the mutt would probably shit itself and constantly bark on the plane so we're thinking of roadtripping it. which. will. be. hell. i hate sitting in cars for so long! i can't sleep in them at all. hmm. on another note i don't think i'm going to do another semester of college once i'm done with this one. i gave it a go and, yeah! i still hate how school works! it's just high school with less classes, really. amount of classes doesn't matter i don't want to do anything labeled an "assignment". i haven't said anything to my mom cus i'm a little nervous abt it, but i feel like 2 semesters is enough of dipping my toes to know this isn't what i want to do for the next 2-4 years. i have some severe academic anxiety or whatever so it's. REALLY hard for me to have these kinds of conversations with anyone. especially my mom, cus she interrogates me like hell over this stuff. i'm thinking of getting a job or going to trade school instead. i think i could do a task at a job without having a meltdown every night fr! scoring a job is hard though so. hm. im incredibly lucky to have the freedom to make these kinds of decisions. i want to go to the beach soon, but it's been so cold out these days. i finished re-reading a medic tf2 fic recently so i'm going to get back to reading WoF! I also wanna download some mods for stardew valley but i'm really not sure where to start. i have 2 commissions to do! i wish i was high rn fr. OHH IM HAVING A BIRTHDAY FOR MY WATERMELON LATER!!!! ITS BEEN SITTING ON OUR COUNTER FOR A YEAR! isn't that insane? they're not supposed to last more than a month or two REFRIDGERATED. this thing has been room temperature just chilling for 12 months. we're still not sure if we're gonna cut it or not today so i'm thinking i'll make a poll later for it. ok thats all i can think of