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recently i was watching a youtuber play mario party against 3 other AI controlled characters and it got me thinking. when it comes to games like mario party (Or any other game where you have an AI controlled opponent like XCOM) how do developers even begin to design an AI opponent who isnt automatically faster than you in a mini game of speed, or doesnt automatically know the solution to a puzzle in a room before you do and still has to figure it out, or cant guess the correct solution to a quiz automatically, all while still making it feel like you could actually lose to the AI without it feeling overly unfair?
Whenever we design anything, we usually start from the goal and work our way backwards. Our goal for these AI players is absolutely not for them to try to win - that would actually be quite easy, as you say. If we wanted the AI to win, it would always play optimally and, if we wanted, could cheat via inhuman reactions, frame-perfect inputs, utilize CPU-only knowledge, never take a shot that could miss, never make an execution mistake, and so on. However, this is not fun or engaging for players by any stretch. Most players would not want to play against such AI. Our goal is to make AI that players want to play against. That means our goal is for our AI to lose convincingly, much like how parents feign weakness or ignorance while playing with their children.
How do we do that? Well, we can consider the kind of mistakes we expect human players to make and expand on those. Players often overestimate their own resources and overextend. Perhaps the AI spends everything it has immediately and keeps nothing in reserve, leaving itself open after exhausting all of its resources. Players can also play too cautiously, keeping too much in reserve and only spending the absolute minimum. We could make an AI greedy to stockpile resources but only use them when they're near full. Players often tunnel vision on one target and forget to tend other tasks they need to do. We can make an AI do that as well.
These design choices would make the AI players feel more like human players to play against by embracing human foibles as their own driving directives. Similarly, such directives also give the AI weaknesses that a player can observe and exploit to win. If you take a step back, you're looking at the basis for all of game design. We want the players to have a specific experience (e.g. a match that feels like playing another human player rather than an AI), so we figure out what it would take for the player to have that experience, and we construct those bits to convince the player it is happening.
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Why have you decided to stay so quiet? Is it because you said there was no woman in the taxi when there was, or because you thought he was with Vikey when he wasn’t? We all make mistakes, and overall, you’ve done well. But staying quiet and letting others think they were right in their “fancy world” isn’t the best approach. Now, your blog is mostly just re-sharing Sam’s posts. Ultimately, it’s up to you what to do with your own blog.
Anons keep on nagging about this, I don't know what the big deal here is or why we have to go on about it at all.
No, I didn't see the woman when I posted the video. But I also didn't say there was no woman. All I said in a comment was that I saw him arriving alone, and that is still what I see.
I also posted the convo on Twitter, which confirms there was a woman in the car. It doesn't say the woman got out, it doesn't say it is a gf or anything. The Twitter account removed the video and post and is even now private. We don't have to have any doubts as to why that happened. (I just have to watch my inbox all week and I know enough).
There was no woman named Vikey, nor Vickey at play here, I told you about that. People with all the theories that start with 'but'... go ahead if you want to think otherwise, not me encouraging you and not me endorsing this.
I don't think I made any mistakes in this, the people naming women and having all kind of theories about who or what or in what compassion... are making the mistakes here imo. My simple conclusion was and still is, a woman is in the car, we don't know if she got out of the car, the video is cut at that point.
There was one Anon who mentioned something, most people probably didn't notice, which I think could have some merit. Anon observing how the passenger tried to get out of the car on the other side, but then another car passes. It is possible that the cab driver said something, then S, who first made a gesture as if he wanted to close the door, looked inside and we can see something what looks like the passenger moving towards the side where S got out of the car. But there it all stops, the video is cut. Only the people standing in front of the bar will know if the woman got out of the car or not.
It's far to unclear to identify the women, other than dark hair we see nothing and it is very vague. So it's pointless to have an opinion about it. My opinion is as good as anybody's and actual I didn't even bother to draw conclusions or have an opinion about it.
If you're not happy with a blog that doesn't make up any stories, just to entertain you, I'm sorry. My blog is about facts we see, not about things we don't see. If there is nothing happening, nothing can be reported. Simple as that.
People are free to discuss things, we can speculate now and then as long as it is in a respectful way, I don't have to agree with them, nobody has to agree with me. It's all just a tv show and some actors at the end of the day.
Well, that's all I have to say about this, which to me is such a non-issue. I'm rolling my eyes at every Anon about it asking myself why on earth is this such a big deal. Needless to say this will absolutely be my last word on it.
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Any advice for first language English speakers trying to learn Welsh?
sacrifice yourself to y ddraig goch and ascend into her kingdom of fire
Diolch yn fawr iawn! I'm a second language South Walian myself, so my Welsh is gonna be different to a first language North Walian, for example. But, we roll with it.
Start small
I don't know if you're in Wales, or elsewhere, but just introducing little Welsh phrases is a good place to start, like greetings. Don't worry about making mistakes, or being misunderstood. Everyone will know what you mean, and most people will be pleased you're using Welsh!
Hello - Shwmae/Helo
Good bye - Hwyl fawr
How are you? - Sut dych chi? (very formal), Sut wyt ti? (less formal)
Thank you (very much) - Diolch (yn fawr)
Please - O's gwelwch yn dda
Good morning - Bore da
Good afternoon - Prynhawn da
Good night - Nos da
Welcome - Croeso
If you ARE in Wales, look out for people wearing little orange speech mark badges in public places, like shops. These mean they are fluent, or learning Welsh, and will be happy to talk with you in the language.
2. Understanding pronunciation
Sometimes English speakers get tripped up by Welsh spelling, especially when mutations are involved. You've probably heard the old "it's just a keyboard smash language!", when honestly Welsh makes more sense than English (every letter is pronounced the same every time, unlike English, where it's a lottery).
Here's some major-ish differences to the English alphabet:
a - "ah" (apple)
ch - like a gutteral cat hiss? Or like you're trying to get phlegm out of the back of your throat.
dd - "th" (these)
e - "eh" (elephant)
f - "v" (velcro)
ff - "f" (fantastic)
i - "ee" (queen)
ll - like you're blowing air out the side of your tongue, while the tip is just behind your teeth. May take some practice, but it's a VERY common sound
r - roll that letter, baby. like an Italian
rh - like a breathy r. Use your teeth
u - "ih" (hit)
w - "ooh" (spoon)
y - "uh" (under) or sometimes "ih" (inside)
(there is no j, k, q or v in the Welsh alphabet. But that doesn't stop some anglicised words like "jam")
3. Mutations
Mutations are ways Welsh words change, depending on what comes before or after them. There are loads of mutations, but you can be understood without using them/forgetting them, so don't worry too much. They're quite easy to learn too.
For example:
Diflas - Boring
Mae Owen yn ddiflas - Owen is boring
The 'd' changes to a 'dd'. Because mutations. Don't ask me why.
Here's a guide to mutations that can explain it better than I can.
4. Find some sick Welsh media
Maybe you're into podcasts, or soap operas, or rock music, or food blogs, or children's books, or Eisteddfod poetry, or-
HERE'S SOME HANDPICKED STUFF FROM YOURS TRULY:
Hansh on Twitter, YouTube and iPlayer - comedy and more platform. Quite random.
Adwaith - Welsh-language, all-female, indie rock band from Carmarthenshire. Won the Welsh Music Prize in 2022.
Duolingo Welsh course - Recently, Duolingo announced they were going to stop updating the course, which led to some BIG OUTCRIES in Welsh news. Worth looking in to.
Learn Welsh - resources, schemes, audiobooks and more to help people learn Welsh in a way that suits them. 16-25 year olds can learn for free. You can book face to face lessons, online self-learning, learn with other learners, search courses near you and loads of other stuff. Good to explore.
Ap Treiglo and Ap Geiriadur - free apps to help with mutations and vocabulary. Ap Geiriadur is designed by Bangor University.
Siarad - Voluntary scheme to help people increase their confidence using Welsh. You're matched with a fluent Welsh speaker, and can go through three levels of proficiency. You arrange to meet up, or learn online - whatever suits you!
S4C - The Welsh language broadcasting service. Has everything: news, Gogglebocs Cymru, drama, documentaries, you name it.
Doctor Cymraeg - really successful tiktok and instagram account. Teaches about bitesized Welsh language facts, vocabulary and funny things. Also always films them when out on a walk, with the expression of a high school teacher who's just watched his pupils try and fail to make the leaning tower of pisa out of gluesticks. Classic.
5. TYMBLR
There are LOADS of people learning Welsh on here for the first time, and interacting with them is one of the best ways to get into the language online. #dysgu cymraeg is a good tag.
Sorry for the long post, but ta da! I am by no means an expert, but with your help anon, we can get everyone speaking Welsh by nightfall. The plan is in motion. Godspeed.
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also i thought i would add something to this post of mine while i'm working on a new blurb
i have seen so many people on tiktok (men. of course it's men) that have done a "cosplay" of the menendez brothers (nicholas and erik) for this year's halloween. the comments? "yk what hell yeah", "imma take both", etc etc. not a single hate comment in sight. people found it fun, a way of showing appreciation for the actors & the show itself... for me, it is still disgusting.
the edits. the edits of nicholas and cooper as lyle and erik. sexualising them, basically ━ sexualising the "characters", the people who went through abuse and killed their parents in self defence.
but when nicholas takes a picture with ━ probably ━ fans or friends who dressed up as them, everyone tries to... cancel him? oh i just have to fucking laugh.
i might get hate for this, but i think he probably didn't think it would be offensive. i feel like he has so much respect for the brothers, even if he might not show it ━ HIM NOT WANTING TO MEET WITH LYLE DOES NOT MEAN HE DOESN'T STAND BY THEM ━ he's just not as open about it.
he doesn't owe shit to any of the super sensitive twitter people. i'm pretty sure he had no bad intentions. he could have refused to take the picture, of course. but he probably laughed it off and didn't think it was a big deal...
people just hate to hate ━ nicholas has gotten popular, he's handsome and a genuinely sweet guy ━ and people just hate it when someone is rich, successful and hot asf.
and... i'm not a dickrider because again i don't know this guy personally, i just happen to write stuff about him and his character. but i think he's such a sweet soul, but he's made mistakes that he has to take responsibility for.
but.
i stand with menendez brothers. i stand with them since 2020, watched every single one of their trials, it's not okay to dress as them for fucking halloween. they're abuse victims. they're REAL people who have to be free. menendez brothers slander won't be accepted on this blog (if you don't stand by them you're a terrible. fucking. person & just block me already).
okay that's it i think.
nicholas' introverted ass had no bad intentions i'm pretty sure 🤷🏻♀️
#nicholas chavez#nicholas chavez x reader#nicholas chavez smut#charlie mayhew#charlie mayhew smut#charlie mayhew x reader#father charlie mayhew#nicholas alexander chavez
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awkward hugging
#homestuck#dave strider#karkat vantas#davekat#davekatweek#davekatweek2024#day 7#is this fluff#it kinda is#they are so bad at this.#awhwhwghahahahfnwnxbwnfnskowmds#also i spotted a really stupid mistake right before posting this on twitter#i spent like 10 mins trying to fix it on my phone#i hate drawing on my phone grrr#my art#i dont know how to feel about this one#im going to sleep now
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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paranormal brothers
WOO finally shigaraki twins art dump lesgoo
first off heres a facial study+headcanon thingy i did of these two cus theyre fun to make !!!
theyre not complete i think..? since i couldnt come up w anymore hcs 😭😭 i wanted more. anhways yeah also ofc things might change btw!
(this is actually a revised version but i dont wanna show yall the old one bc its bad hahdj)
anyways, doodles go!!!
andddd old art from 2022!! which u can tell cus of the age hc lol.(
#ah yes mhas finest toxic doomed siblings#the first image was drawn right after 407 dropped :]]#(pls ignore the hole hand mistake asdfgh)#yall dont know how ECSTATIC i was when we FIANLLLYLYLYY got their backstory#i literally had been bitching ab it for a year on twitter ahhhh#it was so sooooo good#it actually made me get interested in afo cus i did NOT gaf ab the guy lol#but at the same time that was a mistake bc there is so much to unpack w this character#i still care ab his brother more tho !#not afraid to show my favoritism tehee#we dont know much about yoichi afterall soo#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha manga spoilers#mha all for one#mha afo#yoichi shigaraki#shigaraki yoichi#i actually bought into the 'theyre twins' hc at one point cus it made sm sense#but them having an age range was more popular so i just went w that instead#bnha#mha#also ik afo having preferred prns is nuts but he rlly doesnt care#dahlia.art
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Me seeing people on twitter talking about morally grey characters like they're completely irredeemable and makes them abusive rapists as a result even though the bad actions they've done is only comparable to a Wile E. Coyote cartoon skit but gorier:
#cw: abuse mention#cw: rape mention#so i was on twitter- [THAT WAS A MISTAKE I KNOW]#and yes im talking about tf2 here#murder is morally neutral actually and it doesnt inherently mean that someone is evil or abusive#bro new zealand in the tf2 comics is just atlantis NONE OF THIS SHOULD BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY#“but medic kept spy's head in a fridge” IM SORRY BUT HOW DO YOU SAY THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE#scout died in a emotionally effective way in the comics BUT HE BELIEVED TOM JONES WAS TALKING TO HIM AND WAS HIS DAD#even the angst have comedy in the comics#you can explore these characters in however way you wish and i encourage it but DO NOT force those interpretations onto others#putting the words “abusive” and “manipulation” on the top shelf until you mfs learn to use them properly#tf2#proships dni#f/o blog#tf2 spy#tf2 scout#tf2 demoman#spy tf2#tf2 sniper#tf2 heavy#tf2 soldier#tf2 pyro#tf2 engineer#[just me yapping]#ok to rb
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As an attempt at a polite "going forward" comment...
I do not plan to draw for Three Houses or Hopes for a long while. I know a lot of my followers are from the past four years and I appreciate that you followed me at all! But if you are only interested in the art of those characters I wanted to be clear and say you can unfollow me at any point if what i draw no longer aligns with what you want to see.
I might draw for other FEs (like Heroes or 13/14/17) but I do not want to get involved with 3H any more. I do have other interests and across tumblr, twitter (now inactive), and sometimes on discord I've heard enough "I thought it was (FE3H character)".
This is not one person doing it and it is not simply one character being mistaken. I simply want to distance myself from 3H and have unfollowed a few people that reblog art of it because it just leaves a lingering bad taste in my mouth.
Thank you very much for your time and I hope you can find artists who can provide art for topics you like.
#moe talks a lot#not art#again this is NOT the fault of one person its been accumulating for a loooong time#its not even other franchises entirely being labeled as 3h oopsies!#i think one of the most frustrating was a twitter exp where i drew felicia and flora from fates and someone said thought it was marihilda#its just very demotivating and makes me feel like im nothing but a machine for the 3h fans and i want to move past that#i would far prefer no comments or tags than the constant barrage of mistaking a character when i draw for anything else#i know (or rather hope) people who do this are not doing it to be mean! but ! it hurts to put time into something to have it devalued#im sorry to those that really liked my 3h art but i am extremely burnt out on some comments and being asked to justify my doodles#i just want to draw stupid things and it got to the point i had to explain my stupid things#which defeated the stress relief of it being stupid#half of the asks i never replied to were like this so again it is NOT just one person doing this ! its just finally added up#to me needing to be open and clear#i tried to be concise in the main post but it still looks really wordy#opened the ask box again temporarily but not open to anons so we will see how this goes
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totk made me feel like i got scammed so badly i dont think i want to get any new zelda on release and instead wait until i know its worth it
im afraid zelda will turn into half baked games with flashy imagery to distract you from its shitty writing and superficial references to older games to catch your nostalgia, that the name alone will sell anyway so why try
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#might have said that before#kinda like pokemon#where you can feel the potential stare in your face but its not being used#and new games being pushed out for the sake of new game#i wonder if totk turned out like this bc they have been focusing on the movie thing#bc its easier money?#and the mario film was so popular#i know totk started develeopment earlier ... probably#but something getting messed up can happen any time#guess i have been too annoying on twitter about it#despite not nearly talking about it as much as here#people going -you just expected too much lol-#shut up!! i wanted a sequel and its not#its not even a good zelda imo#i dont have to be some mindless hater to criticze things that are obviously lacking#also i made the mistake of not censoring -scammed- and immediately got swarmed by bots on twitter lmao
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Keiji is a character that I'm pretty sure every one of us can recognize is an absolute weirdo (ok maybe some are too hard on copium for the "weirdo" part) and sketchy as hell, but thinking about everything he's done it really feels like he's so much shady and ruthless than we give him credit for. So here's me bulletpointing some the moments that I haven't seen too many talk about, a little theory throwing his status into question and addressing the massive elephant in the room that almost everyone refuses to acknowledge. If there's something else you feel I missed or wanted to evaluate on, do leave it in the comments.
[Also, disclaimer: I will be discussing Keiji and Sara in a romantic light near the end of this post, so if that makes you uncomfortable please proceed with caution or skip entirely. This should go without saying but for my own sake I will say it anyway-- No, I do not condone their relationship in real life. No, this is not meant to be "shippy" or endorsement of any kind. This will simply be pointing out their dynamic as another example to prove the whole point of this rant. But if someone else does ship them that's totally fine. Fiction doesn't equal reality and if you harass a real person over fictional characters you will not see the light of heaven. Be civil, please and thank you. My block button is rated E for Everyone and if anyone decides to ignore the warnings and be an asshole I won't hesitate to use it. Thanks for listening. Disclaimer over.]
*Being a murderer.
I feel like I should start with the most obvious and undeniable. I don't think this is debatable to anyone here. Mr. Policeman may have been an accident and kinda confirmed by Midori to have been set up, but he still shot and killed an unarmed man in a moment of panic and recklessness. Even putting that aside, there's no denying that he killed Megumi in cold blood to get out of his debt to her and covered it up to the group to preserve his credibility. Regardless of what you think of Megumi, he has no excuse here. Not only is he one more kill away from being a serial killer, he's the only participant in our group that has actually killed people directly aside from Alice. Another reason why I bring this up is cuz something that completely flew over my head is this:
At the start of the game he had the audacity to complain about not having a partner or someone he knows with him like Sara does as if he didn't literally let Megumi get ripped apart by chains probably not even an hour ago Keiji what the hell--
*Throwing Kanna under the bus repeatedly.
Despite positioning himself as a protector and someone to rely on, he's far from above putting their youngest members in danger. Next to voting for the fourteen year old girl to die, he had the great idea of letting said fourteen year old be the one to babysit their biggest liability. Up to the point where they would stay in the same room both day and night. While I absolutely 100% trust that Sou would never EVER do anything to her, Keiji had no guarantee of that when he send her off. Hell, he literally just got done accusing Sou of setting Joe up to die (which I don't believe almost solely based on the fact that he said it, more on that another time maybe). He knew Sou was bad news, and openly acknowledges how adults can be terrifying, but he did it anyway. The dubiety of throwing the already traumatised little girl to keep watch on what they thought to be the most dangerous adult that had manipulated her once before is not lost on me, and that he didn't take any responsibility for her afterwards isn't lost on me either. To be fair, the Sou and Kanna thing doesn't just fall on him, it falls on everybody (Alice gets a pass because he actually swapped out with Kanna to watch Sou for her), but he was the one with the final say on the matter and who encouraged her to take the role despite Reko's rightful protests. The fact that he also voted for her to die in the Main Game, and is the only adult to do so, doesn’t help his case.
*Attempting to frame Sou knowing Reko was actually responsible.
While you could argue he was trying to cover for her since he knew why she did what she did, trying to pin this act on Sou to cast more doubt on his is extremely shitty. Never mind the blatant corruption and the irony of a supposed man of the law abusing his power to knowingly frame an innocent person (in this situation at least), and him sowing more seeds of confusion and resentment within an already rattled group, and giving Sou legitimate reason to be suspicious of him (and by extension Sara)-- this makes it so difficult to trust him after realising he's done this. Literally every time he accuses someone of being or doing something suspicious (mostly Sou), I always have to think in the back of my head if he’s telling the truth or just telling a blatant lie. He's shown that he's willing to not only lie to cover for himself, but to lie to delegitimize someone else. And Sara never caught onto it (Sou and maybe even Nao likely did tho). She never openly acknowledged it-- No one did. The complete lack of mention of what he did here makes this action quite missable. Hell, I didn't even catch it the first time. Has he done this before? Who else has he lied about? Who else would he lie about? Who else would he knowingly pit against the group? You don't have to wait for that answer, because I will provide an example later. And with "later", I mean now.
*Casting suspicion on Gin before the vote while hiding the fact that he killed Megumi.
While it's not as blatant as with Kanna, there are two instances where Keiji shows a readiness to either put or leave Gin in harm's way. The biggest one for me is in the Main Game. Like, how dare you. That is a furry child, sir. This kid’s like TWELVE. Even though he makes a valid point about calling out suspicious actions to clear them up so we can all trust each other, casting doubt on Gin of all people right there feels pretty screwed to me. This was before the preliminary vote. His words could’ve very well gotten Gin voted for if he couldn’t disclose why he did what he did for whatever reason and therefore being unable to clear himself from suspicion. It’s even more fucked when you realise that Keiji has literally murdered his partner and is currently planning to get Sou killed while giving this whole spiel about doubting others so that we can believe them and pointing the finger at a little kid to make an example to the group. But when Nao, Sou and Sara call him out on his suspicious actions that could rightfully damage his credibility, he tries to shut them down completely. My brother in Christ, you brought it on FIRST (don’t get me wrong I’m very much aware he didn’t really mean the whole “trusting each other” bit but come on dude)--
Speaking about not meaning what he says:
*Letting the group think he’s Ok to vote for knowing he’s the Keymaster.
This kinda got to me because I thought this was Keiji actually being… vulnerable? Accepting the consequences of his actions and allowing them to vote for him in their distrust without protest even tho it could cost him his life, maybe. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I can’t remember a lot of times-- or any times, really-- where Keiji has willing put himself into the line of fire, at this point at least. He always finds a way to keep himself safe, give himself insurance, and I thought that this would be the one time he doesn’t do that. But this feels so ominous looking back knowing that he was the Keymaster the whole time. That our distrust and betrayal and his resignation to it all didn’t matter because he was going to be safe no matter what. That he knowingly allowed us to assume that he was a safe vote because he didn’t want his plan to kill Sou to be ruined, which narrowed down choice of people we can safely vote for even further. That this action is ultimately the reason why Sou and Kanna were our only options to kill off in the end. If he had admitted it there, we could’ve found someone else to vote for so our final options could consist of three people, not two. But he didn’t, and the rest is history. There’s a lot of things he’s done I can’t get over. This one ranks pretty high. The second Main Game is already a huge sore spot for me for obvious reasons; knowing that a lot of the things that happened were due to his inaction where it truly mattered and activity in all the wrong places doesn’t make me fee any better. He didn't say he was a safe vote-- he didn't lie-- but his words carefully omit that voting for him means a total party death, something he should've stated then (and before this, really).
*Leaving Sara with the sacrifice card.
Despite making a big show about “always being by her side” and being her “reliable policeman”, he chose to look away when she was in real danger. He attached himself to her as her right hand man, made her shoulder the responsibility of being the leader, constantly manipulated and flattered her to win her trust and gain her favour-- but when she needed him the most, he basically left her for dead because it was the most beneficial to him. Keep in mind that not only did he know about her getting the sacrifice (he was also the sage so he'd have seen the trade happen), but he had the tokens to help her get rid of it. But those tokens weren’t for her life. They were for his. He used them instead to give himself the Keymaster as insurance for the Main Game (the Keymaster he stole from Sou/Kanna most likely to buy Sara’s trust btw). His desperation for survival outweighed his sense of obligation to keep her safe, and that’s the most subtle yet transparent he’s been about his selfishness. What makes this so much worse is that Keiji is our support character. He’s an ally, and our closest one at that, to the point where Sara burned her hands in a futile attempt to rescue him and signed her life away to save his. And yet his loyalty and protectiveness pale in comparison to other characters. Compare his actions to Sou’s: one of their many parallels and similarities is that both their girls get hit with the sacrifice card. As we’ve established, Keiji was fully aware of Sara being send the sacrifice by Sou, had 50 tokens ready to go and chose to secure his own survival than save her life. Kanna ended up doing it instead, attempting to trade the card off Sara with Sou realising what happened immediately. And what does Sou do? Completely bend over backwards trying to keep her alive. He lied about being the Sacrifice so the others wouldn’t suspect Kanna of having that role, meaning he could try gathering vote for her without anyone seeing his true intentions. He tried to stop her about coming out with the truth of what she had done so she doesn’t sentence herself to death. After everything he did to survive-- after how much he lied, how much he schemed, how much he hurt, and how he had thrown himself away to replace everything that made him Shin with the man that had traumatised him years before the game began to scrape together even the tiniest chance to survive-- he threw it all to the wind and was willing to let it all be in vain if it meant she got to make it out of the Main Game alive. The worst part is that Sou had never intended to make it through that Main Game. He confessed to already knowing that Kanna would choose Sara over him if she truly had the Sacrifice card. Yet he still did what he did all in the hopes that she could win. Because it was all about her survival first, not about them surviving together.
It also gives a different context to Sou's panic and him stumbling over his words trying to come up with any argument to get them to stop. At first I thought that Sou was afraid for his life. Which would make sense-- Keiji and Q-taro set him up to die and seemed pretty adamant on having everyone voting for him to get it all over with. But he was already prepared to die the minute he realised Kanna traded with Sara. So it means it wasn’t his life he was fearing for here-- it was hers. To him, if they voted for him there, it wouldn’t have just been his end but hers too. But we know that Kanna isn’t the one who has the sacrifice. It’s Nao, and considering how the Main Game can end either or both of them dead, I wonder if he regrets not having given up there, not letting Keiji get away with that shitty stunt he pulled knowing it would’ve at least guaranteed her safety than leave her fate in hands of a girl with enough reason to kill her. Ignoring the sounds of my heart shattering into pieces for the 100th time thinking about the Greenblings, it’s so fascinating that our biggest rival and most distrusted member has a greater sense of loyalty and responsibility for his ally than Keiji has for his own. Sou can be a liar and manipulative and selfish, but for how unpredictable he is something I can always trust is his love for those he holds dear (Kanna) and general desire to protect our most vulnerable (Gin). Sou loves Kanna, and so he’s fine with protecting her even if it comes at a price he never wanted to pay. Keiji surely cares about Sara, but unfortunately that is something I can’t say about him-- at least at that time (also the fact that Sou ended up taking more care and responsibility for Kanna despite Keiji having been the one to throw her on him in the first is so ironic).
*Continuously pushing Sara to take on the role of leader.
I think one of Keiji's biggest failures in the game come from his treatment of Sara despite positioning himself as her most reliable ally and her partner. From the very get-go, he was very adamant of making Sara be the one to shoulder the responsibility of the group. He, along with Joe (he didn't do anything wrong here), pushed Sara to be the Challenger during the Russian Roulette, despite Q-taro and Kai being readily available. He made Sara be the one to interrogate the suspicious convict while distancing himself from the situation. And he encourages her to lead them through the Main Game, lets her make the choices that steer them all forward and as a consequence take the fall for them as well. Rather than take on the role himself, or let another adult take it, he places his full trust in her and makes her shoulder everyone's weight so he doesn't have to. And he can see the effect it has on her: having horrific hallucinations due to the immense guilt she feels. But having Sara as their leader gives him a greater shot at survival and helps his credibility, so even though he tries to provide her comfort he still continues to keep her in that role. Again, the high schooler taking responsibility for the adults falls on a lot of the older people here, but Keiji was the one who kickstarted it rather than just go along with it like everyone else had. Gin, Nao, Kanna, Reko and even fucking Sou to an extent all have moments where they take the burden off her and relieve her of that pain she shoulders all the time (or at least try to). I need Keiji to take more responsibility for both the group and for her.
*Pitting Sara and Joe against each other.
This is just another example of the previous point. This isn't as bad, and I could give him the benefit of the doubt that this might have not been intentional, but it's something I want to bring up regardless. I'll be the first to say that Keiji wasn't wrong here. Prying into everyone's votes is a very bad move, especially since no one knew that Mishima would actually die (it was introduced as a practice round, after all). I agree with him, Joe was being rash, but instead of leaving the conversation there, he decided to throw Sara into it to pick a side. Which is... not good. He already won the argument and already had Reko on his side. Bringing in Sara could not only make Joe feel worse and potentially strain their relationship (especially if she rightfully chooses Keiji's side like he was expecting and hoping for), but just puts Sara in the spotlight during something she doesn't want to be part of. While there's a chance he might've done this because he know Joe is more likely to listen to her than him, he should've known better than that. It again makes her take the responsibility of giving the final verdict that would've otherwise gone to him.
*Asking Sara to take responsibility for his life
I've got nothing other that the grown adult swearing his life to the grieving, unstable teenager to take responsibility for while asking her if she'd die along with him is weird as heck. Keiji's said weirder things prior to this, but this one is a different weird. I think Beanieman's post mostly echoes my thoughts on this on, so I'll link it here for this point. This part kinda bothers me:
He shouldn't be encouraging her taking on anymore responsibility than she already is. He knows that the deaths that happened under her leadership haunt her. He knows that she's very much unstable enough already, to the point where he takes baby-steps to avoid triggering her trauma over Joe. He positioned himself as her reliable partner, her rock to lean on (quite literally sometimes). We see first hand how emotionally dependent she is on him. If he died, it would destroy her-- she'd destroy herself over it. He knows this (or should) but he still does it. His disappointment and dismissiveness when she understandably rejects him makes it worse. The guilt of potentially not living up to his expectations is not what she needs.
*Potentially working for Asunaro
This is more ambiguous than everything else here and more a theory than anything but it's been on my mind for a long time that Ranmaru might actually be onto something here. We know that Asunaro has a strong hold on the police. Midori was able to infiltrate the force, and they were able to get rid of Mr. Policeman for looking into the corruption going on, first having Megumi fire him and secondly getting Keiji to kill him by planting false info about the suspect having a gun. Megumi was also able to get Keiji off the hook for murder, which I believe Asunaro had a hand in too (I theorize this might've been her wish). There's also Alice, who was arrested and sent to prison despite the fact that he (legally) didn't kill anyone since Midori was a doll. The police are connected to Asunaro-- by extension Megumi and extending further potentially Keiji.
Something I've seen someone rightfully point out is that neither of the options you're given to say in response to the accusation... actually deny it? Both choices dance around answering directly, which is suspect as fuck. If Keiji truly wasn't with Asunaro, why not shut that theory down immediately? There's no benefit to answering anything but "no" when he's innocent, and he's lied straight to people's faces for less. So why not just debunk it? I think it's cuz there might be some truth to what Ranmaru was saying here. The biggest reason I think this is because despite the fact that Keiji quit the force, he and Megumi were still associating with each other years later. They were kidnapped together and partnered up for their first trial. One missable piece of dialogue is Keiji admitting that he was with his partner-- or rather a "coworker"-- before getting knocked out.
That slip of the tongue and backtracking makes me believe this part to be true. Him switching from "my partner" to "a coworker", which is a lot more distant and impersonal, makes me think it's got to be Megumi. However, I don't believe that Keiji would wanna keep in touch with her after what happened willingly, so I can only imagine that it's due to that debt he has to her. My little game theory here is that after the shooting, the debt he owed her was a forced recruitment into Asunaro. It's the only thing I can imagine he meant by "the worst kind of debt", a debt he'd literally let her die for to get out of. And if this is true, then it could also explain away his instant attachment to Sara, since he'd know beforehand that she's someone he can depend on due to her having the highest chance at survival. Maybe he already knew about her beforehand, one way or the other. We know Hayasaka did (which I think we as a fandom moved on from way too fast btw). Kai and Sou did too. There's always a chance. And unlike Sou's victory rate and Midori's favourite number, it's not zero. One person made a comic about this idea I recommend checking it out, it's tastefully unsettling. But still very much unsetling and uncomfortale. Be warned that it's also Keisara-centred, so if that makes you even more uncomfortable they did the job right you can ignore it. Proceed with caution or don't read if you don't like.
*Being a predator
I have been waiting so long for this one XD For context: a while ago I made a longpost discussing the sanitisation of soushin and this kind of toxic attitudes in fandoms regarding "problematic content" (ships, characters, shows, you name it). In it, I mentioned that it's not only soushin that receives this treatment but a certain other dynamic too. It's not a rainy day, however this has been way overdue and if I don't get this done now I never will.
Something I've seen a lot, and I mean a LOT-LOT is this notion that Keiji acts "like a father" to Sara and that their relationship is a completely platonic father-daughter bond and that he's the resident dad of the group? Like, it's cute, but that's not at all what their relationship is. At all. Not even a little bit. We called Sou and Kanna siblings before the Greenblings reveal. The difference is that not only does half the fandom think this man is gay, but he's only ever been protective and caring and loving without any romantic intentions towards Kanna ever. His title as her brother was deserved, based on the genuine affection and platonic protectiveness similar to that of Alice's. Keiji has made advances tho, on many occasions, and his flirting is repeatedly acknowledged by other characters. Namely Sou and Reko.
(Sou grills him for being a creep every chance he gets I love him XD) But yeah, these are not the type of reactions and comments you receive when being a "father-figure" to the teenager. You get all this when you hit on the teenager. Which he does all the time by calling her "cute" every time she asks something and his "cute little detective", swearing himself to her by saying that "he's always on her side" or something like that, asking her if she'd die alongside him, repeatedly claiming or insinuating that they're on a date, or ""having a moment"" and going to ""take the next step"" when in private (*cough* groomer *cough*)-- you name it, he likely said it. He's a walking-talking ladykiller machine and teenage girls aren't safe, apparently.
(Quick note: The dialogue for the Russian Roulette one is a tad different now. In the new translation he says "cause you're so darn cute" now. I dunno if that makes it sound any less weird, but I felt like putting that out there. What I'm also putting out there is that according to the trivia he calls her cute 8 times throughout the game so. Yeah. *Cough* groomer *COUGH COUGH*)
Like, who tf says this?? Especially that last part 💀 Even if you wanna die on the hill that these are supposed to be "jokes" not to be taken seriously, we should all be able to agree that the (ex)police officer in his late 20s jokingly hitting on the high schooler he follows around is still weirdo behaviour at best and down right despicable at worst. The fandom seeing lowkey predatory/inappropriate behaviour from a figure of authority persistent for almost three entire chapters and dismissing it as "fatherly" and "platonic" is, well, concerning. It's very concerning. If your dad acts like Keiji, you should probably call the police. Unfortunately for Sara, Keiji is the police. And considering this guy got away with manslaughter, I don't think said police would do anything anywho. But yeah-- he uses flattery and flirting to distract her from prodding to much at him while simultaneously aiming to gain favour in her eyes. He showers her with reassurance of his loyalty and affirmation of his deeper attachment towards her and her alone every chance he gets to cement his position as her closest and most trustworthy ally. He insinuates a romantic partnership between them to others to mostly keep her to himself or the two of them alone (he always does that when they're investigating or going to investigate by themselves). There's such an obvious romantic undertone to their relationship and his actions that it going almost completely ignored in the fandom feels weird to me.
I want to make clear that there's nothing wrong with headcanoning Keiji as a father figure to Sara. It's cute. Keiji didn't have a dad himself, and the closest thing to a father figure he had was the man he shot dead. He's a damaged and hardened guy. But Sara's dad is involved with Asunaro and Gin's is an alcoholic, and in a situation where they both need guidence and protection he tries his best to grow and change, fumbling to become that decent father none of them got to have. It's nice, and a wholesome dynamic for our "characters with memorandum counterparts and only non-determined deaths" trio. But that's obviously not what their dynamic is. There's a difference between headcanoning something and erasing canon and the Yttd fandom leans heavily into the latter. Keiji's a creep, he always has been, yet 90% of people I see always portray him as a Mr. Dad Guy or completely sanitise him to hell when him being creepy and unnerving to be around is what made him such a fascinating character. Just like I said with Soushin, the sanitisation to make canon more digestible is one thing: harassing or insulting the people that explore canon is another. I'm gonna take a bullet, derail this rant and say it-- Keisara shippers get so much shit for literally being right it's so infuriating. Keiji does hit on Sara, a lot. He's creepy and weird like that. Him flirting with her isn't a "mistranslation" or a joke or anything like that; his dubious wording and antics are very much intentional. Yet the only people I see actually addressing and acknowledging that without adding fluff is keisara shippers and other ""proshippers"" only for them to get fucking sniped for it I cannot 💀💀 I have yet to meet a single eastern fan who calls this cop "fatherly". This really feels like such a western issue cuz the majority of the japanese fandom agrees that this man's a predator (correct me if i'm wrong but keisara is the most popular ship in the japanese side of the fandom, right?). Then again, eastern fandoms are more chill over there when it comes to separating fiction and reality in general anywho.
*Yeah, I think I'm done with the Keiji slander. Yay. Time to unceremoniously end this.
There's more to say about that, but this is a Keiji post, not another shipping discourse post (although it's hard discussing Keiji's predatory behaviour without bringing it up too). Before I do spiral from the original point, I'm going to try and reach some sort of conclusion here. While I did spent the majority of this post just reading Keiji to filth, and am very salty towards him in particular, this was not just to rake him through mud for my own sanity (tho it's part of it XD). Keiji's character is that he started off as someone who wanted to do the right thing, someone who wanted to be good and moral and protect others by joining the force only to kill all the progress he made along with the person who inspired him to become an officer in the first place. It heavily contrasts the Keiji we have now, a sleazy, unreliable and corrupt ex detective who flirts with underage girls and is willing to resort to the most bankrupt of decisions to save himself. A man that has long lost hope of his wounds healing that he lets them fester and his rot spread onto others. And while I headcanon Keiji to just inherently be a piece of shit, his former self tried his best to be genuinely good before he became so convinced he can never be better that he made peace with his shittiness in the end.
With all this I wanted to highlight some the shadier and bankrupt things he's done that I haven't seen much discussion around and refresh myself on them before the final part. Both so no matter how emotionally dependent and therefore rose-tinted Sara is about the man I don't forget what he's actually like and what he's done while also being able to appreciate how much he's changed for the better. Some of my favourite examples about how he's changed are these:
Before the second Main Game Keiji was willing to let Sara and Kanna die because it was the most beneficial option for him, but in Chapter 3 he takes the on the role of "it" from Kanna and refuses to tag Sara when he thought he was gonna die after failing to beat Midori.
Actually showing more sympathy towards Sou after the Main Game. He was very mean about dismantling his pretence of a cold front to Kanna's death, don't get me wrong, but he showed a lot more consideration and understanding for Sou's feelings and acknowledgement about his active role in it than he ever had beforehand.
He was genuinely fighting for everyone to survive the game, not just himself. While Keiji would prefer everyone making it out safely, he has a tendency to guarantee his own survival first through any means necessary. His plan to corner Midori in the banquet could've cost him his life if it weren't for Q-taro's final stunt, yet he still reassured Sara to save Gin even tho it could've resulted in his execution from Meister potentially finding him guilty of violating the rules.
Him hugging Mai and trying to be more cheerful was cute as heck. I'm sorry but him showing more vulnerability around his allies and being less closed off in a way he hasn't been before is something I'm very head empty about. That he was hugging and interacting with Mai without making any unwanted advances or ladykiller jokes and generally just having a more friendly vibe was nice. It makes his creeping on Sara more unfortunate, but I'll take what I can for now. The bar is in hell.
And that's it, I think. Overall, I hope they do address some of his actions here in the final part or make them have an impact on his and Sara's relationship. Especially that Asunaro part. The person who wished for Sara to join the death game is still unknown and so is Keiji's consent form wish (same goes for the Dummies, Hinako and Megumi), so I'm curious if they're related or not. If he's going to go down an even darker path or redeem himself as much as he can we'll see when the final part drops. He has the potential to go both ways. This is going to be kinda awkward if the next part reveals him to have been a decent guy all along, so hopefully that doesn't happen. Please be morally bankrupt, man. This post didn't end up the way I wanted it to, nor bring up as many points as I would've liked, but I know I won't finish it if I went full perfectionist on it (I already spent months on this writer's block do be a bitch) and it's looking kinda long already. Hopefully it's still decent enough as is right now. I'd like to say that this is my apology for the last longpost I made, but I brought up one of the most controversial and hated ships and traits of Keiji's character and defended them, so maybe I shouldn't 🙃 Anywho, hope you enjoyed and cheerio.
#yttd#your turn to die#keiji shinogi#keisara#character discussion#apologies to all the keiji fans i promise i'm one of you. sorta#he's one of my faves in the game and ranks pretty high but not for the reasons he should i think#keiji's one of those characters i feel negatively about yet want to learn and do more with so that's the energy i probably give off here#also i noticed that most of these points involve sara which makes sense but is also very sad when you think about it#there's a lot of other things i'd want to expand on (mainly that last point) but i suppose i can wait another day#this is going to be my last longpost in a while because i'm going to be busier from today for better or for worse. probably for better lmao#last reminder to be nice. this isn't twitter but i know better#i'll beta read it again later for any mistakes i missed so apologies for any potential typos or errors#also it might actually rain today so heck yeah#i'm a soushin shipper so happy keisara week to anyone that participates btw ^_^#momento rambles
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some practice with a short vanpliku comic Vanitas curses every other word lmao.
#vanipliku#vanpliku#repliku#vanitas#khfa#im still so embarassed that I dont know my right and left and twitter versions of everything will forever have my mistakes.#lattes'art
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#made the mistake of visiting instagram and twitter#saw some tired fuckshit of trying to pin this or that artist as a whoever whatever just because oH LoOk tHeY draW thE saMe waaAaAy#nah don't like that#so now I am compelled by sheer raging pettiness to draw in every style I know how to render#fuck them kids#insomnia demon just watching me draw now
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Honestly, I’m getting tired. It’s literally bts pics from a tv show. He’s not even playing Jesus in the show. People are just looking for a reason to hate him at this point and it’s really pathetic. I was not okay with him posing with those guys and I felt like people had a genuine reason to be upset with him, but I also thought double standards were rearing its ugly head again. Let’s get mad at nick for posing with guys dressed as Lyle and Erik but let’s like and repost thirst edits of Nick and Cooper made up of scenes from a show where they play … Lyle and Erik Menendez. People are holding him to a standard that other celebrities aren’t held to. He can’t do anything without people picking him apart and “canceling” him. It’s honestly annoying.
YES YES YES 🗣️ louder for the cunts in the back!
nicholas chavez is not problematic.
so. i actually feel so bad for him because it must be so hard. he's just gotten popular how long ago... a month? two? and people are trying to cancel him so bad.
he can't do ANYTHING without getting hate - first people started bringing up his love life - since when is it anyone's business? calling him a bop, a man whore. people are feeling way too comfortable nowadays.
next ━ "nicholas doesn't support the brothers", "he doesn't give a fuck" ━ how can YOU know that. he doesn't owe anyone a ny thing. he doesn't need to be as vocal as cooper is about it ━ as i wrote in here aaand here. i honestly won't even talk about it anymore after this post because it's fucking annoying.
the picture with the dicks dressed as menendez brothers ━ disgusting. i'm not gonna defend this one because well. he could have refused to take it. he's a grown ass man, for gods sake. although, as i mentioned before, he is HUMAN. he is LEARNING how to be a big star, what he should and should not do. let's not pretend we are all angels, bffr. we all make mistakes, and sometimes we don't even realise we do something that might be considered wrong.
now... the (hot) god damn pictures... can we stop being so sensitive and fucking annoying!!!!!! 😁 i saw that post and thought that he looks so good, the brat dance made me smile sooo much ━ then i saw the comments... he is not. mocking. religion. he is not mocking your beliefs or your god.
"cancelling" an actor for being an... actor is fucking embarrassing. i just have to laugh.
why is everyone so obsessed with this man, with everything he does? why are haters the first ones in his comment section? god, even i am not that fast and i'm fucking obsessed with the guy. come on... people just hate to hate.
and! surprise! he doesn't owe you an apology ━ if you're offended by the pictures ━ because it's just the show. people think he dressed up as jesus for halloween... do your fucking research. read the caption. stop harassing the poor man i swear 😭
in this house we don't hate on nick ━ of course he needs to be held accountable for the menendez brothers picture, no explanation needed ━ but nothing else.
it's kinda funny because my man is just working, being an introvert and people think he's a soulless narcissist.
i guess people just hate rich, popular and hot men that live their best life... i kinda feel sorry for them, ngl.
and one more thing before i finish... nicholas' love life. the insults i've seen online are so concerning. why are people so comfortable to comment on other people's relationships? why do people believe everything they see on tiktok or twitter? calling him a "man whore" is wayyyy too much. like let this man breathe around another woman? or have female friends? god forbid talk to another woman...
i don't want to comment on his girlfriend because... i want need her man, why would i even talk about her 😭 i have my own opinion but lemme just not...
woof woof i'm yapping. but yes anon, i agree with you. 100%.
and finally! if u wanna talk about it (or just talk about nicholas...) then my dms are open!
and remember!!!! to treat people with kindness ♡ 🫧
(celebrities are also people).
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"forever is a bad dad to richa-" SHUT UP!!!!!
#qsmp#qsmp forever#qsmp richarlyson#id also add in the book he wrote for the egg museum where he talked again about forever being the one who took care of him the most#but i dont have the patience to find it in vods to screenshot it#also sorry but. some people on twitter have been stressing me out A LOT over their opinions on their relationship#ive literally been stressing about it since i woke up i needed to release this stress somehow#< also im thinking of doing a long post talk about what their relationship is and isnt#bc whenever theres angst/fight between them people take it as an opportunity to mischaracterize BOTH forever and richas#in a way that makes it clear that the person 1. doesnt keep up with forevers pov#and 2. only knows richas through one pov#like. ok#disagree with forever however you want youre free to do that#i myself think he was in the wrong in multiple situations (like the tallulah fight day)#BUT SURPRISE!! SAYING HES A BAD DAD IS LITERALLY SO WRONG!!#PEOPLE CAN MESS UP!! PEOPLE CAN MAKE MISTAKE!! NO ONE IS A PERFECT PARENT!!#NO ONE ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO BE THE PERFECT DAD AND THERES NO SUCH THING AS BEING A PERFECT DAD!!#PARENTHOOD IS SOMETHING YOU LEARN ALONG THE WAY!!!#AND LEARNING HOW TO BE A DAD IS A CORE TRAIT OF FOREVERS CHARACTER SINCE DAY ONE!!!!!!!#saying hes a bad dad literally goes against canon statements from richas#saying richas is uncomfortable with forever goes against canon#“oh but i mean in the emotional way” ok so you never watched a forever stream before#because when they fight. richas ALWAYS opens up to forever later on how he felt#the fights HAPPEN because richas is comfortable making drama in front of forever#if richas' didnt feel comfortable he would literally just “suck up” his jealously and not show it often but he does shows it often#if richas was uncomfortable after fights he would just apologize and never talk about his feelings#but after the tallulah fight? he told forever about how romero richas affects his body and how he feels#after the armor fight? he told forever about how he felt towards his own life#to which btw BOTH of these times where he opened up#he had never talked about that with anyone before
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Heavy debate on just deleting everything and Peace-ing Out.
#vent#I already uninstalled twitter insta and tumblr from my phone. been kinda nice#tiktok brain rott is real though. sucks#i'm just... tired. I don't want to but I do. the internet is just so toxic.#i'm feeling defeated. ya know?#you make mistakes and suddenly it's all people wanna talk about. just. yeah.#mental health man.. it's a literal killer#i miss the me before the pandemic. before even then. when i had fun creating. where is that me?#my spark is gone guys. i don't know what to do.#I want to do so much.. but i feel like cant. shouldn't. no one should feel like that. but i do.#I feel like i'm not allowed to talk to my ..friends? are they my friends? I dont know anymore. they never talk to me either. so. maybe not.
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