#so i wanted to share in my nerdy joy

[onyourstageleft]

take a computer science education alignment quiz (courtesy of one of my summer classes) and tell me which of these core values for teaching computer science you got

CS Visions Quiz

I thought about trying to make this a three poll post because it gives you your top three core values but realistically I need to go to bed so if you do end up taking the quiz, feel free to vote for which one out of your top three results you Most align with here and then tell me in the replies what your top three were

[lordsovorn]

Strange how people keep saying that "Shuro hates in Laios the same traits he supposedly loves in Falin", which is...

Seriously, look at him and his dialogue - does he hate Laios for being a monster freak? For being nerdy and weird and loving nature? For eating bugs? No, that's not it.

Shuro hates* Laios for being so profoundly socially inept (from his perspective).

The key difference between Touden siblings isn't that Falin is a pretty girl - the key difference is that Falin is caring and accommodating to other people, and Laios is awkward and unobservant, seemingly egotistic at the surface level.

(others have already written wonderful essays on why and how they grew up like that)

It has to be noted that Shuro is a sheltered noble from a land where proper etiquette is paramount - he is used to people being incredibly subtle AND incredibly observant around him. He comes from a high-context culture where everyone assumes things based on lots of social cues and shared understanding of context. That's not even a matter of being neurotypical, that's his culture (in addition to his personality and brain chemistry)

He is also rather introverted as person and doesn't have many friends. Even his attachments and emotions in childhood are expressed subtly, in a restrained and proper way. He is polite and refined, perfectly fitting into his house's expectations - even if that means repressing his childhood interests and little weird joys.

In that particular way, the opposite of Laios.

Shuro hates* Laios for being the opposite of the image HE was grown into. This strange man is so utterly insensitive and so open about it - he has no sense of shame (like Shuro), no tact and ability to shut up (like Shuro), no restraint (like Shuro). Look at him talking non-stop about things he wants to talk about and having fun (unlike Shuro) while completely overestepping Shuro's obvious boundaries!

The boundaries, I must say, that not only never before needed to be spelled out, but in Shuro's upbringing and culture would be as ridiculous to spell out as "I want to pee, so I'll go to the bathroom and remove my pants and sit on the toilet and release the sphincter holding my pee in my pee bladder"

Falin is not only awesome in his eyes for being weird and in touch with nature, but for being very delicate, observant and caring AT THE SAME TIME. She is a gem in Shuro's eyes, a miracle of his dreams.

In Falin, he not only sees a nerd-freak - he sees a hope for an introverted, polite, restrained person like himself to reconnect with that love for nature and nerdiness and freakiness.

Laios isn't like that. Laios is unobservant for subtle cues - and so a lot more loud, persistent, enthusiastic and unwittingly annoying. Yes, Falin has all that inside her too - but she restrains herself in order not to be a burden. And so does Shuro, in order to fit expectations. There's similarity between them in that regard, between two introverted and restrained weirdos. And a hope for a kindred, more open soul, from the more restrained Shuro's perspective.

* - I don't think Shuro's feelings to Laios are properly described as hate. Yeah, in his darkest moment he says that, but honestly it felt more like an accumulated stress from a continuous cultural and personal misunderstanding, rather than a profound personal hate.

...

What was the post about?.. Oh, yeah, Shuro loving Falin and disliking Laios. That's not him being too horny to think, that's him loving in Falin the defining difference between the two - they aren't gender-swapped clones, after all. Give my boy some respect and nuance.

[flowerandblood]

The Last Drop (2/?)

[ modern • vampire • Aemond x female ]

[ warnings: kissing, description of blood drinking and bleeding in general, sexual tension, angst, toxic relationship with Alys ]

[ description: Encouraged by the information that the town he has landed in is not known for having the most vigilant police in the world, he decides to go on a little hunting trip to finally quench his burning thirst. However, not everything goes according to plan. (A lot of sexual tension, grumpy, gloomy Aemond). ]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

He was only supposed to stay in this town for three days, eat to his heart's content and return by train to one of his flats a few hours away.

Or at least that was his plan.

He didn't know why he was standing outside a nerdy club where, from what he understood, game and board enthusiasts ate popcorn and nachos while sipping drinks.

Admittedly, he worked on a laptop and using a computer made his life a lot easier: he didn't have to show up at the company as he did his tasks remotely, but he was still far from a fan of modern technology.

He felt that it was killing something, although he wasn't sure what.

She told him that she worked there and that he should come visit her on her shift. She said something about drinks with an extra element, which surely was blood, that she wanted to prepare especially for him.

He was unable to grasp neither the full absurdity of the situation nor why he was just standing outside the entrance like an idiot, instead of returning to his quiet, well-ordered life.

To Alys.

He sighed, glancing down at his phone, seeing that she had sent him another two new messages, several missed calls showed that she was starting to get impatient.

He swallowed hard reading the last message, recognising that he didn't feel like letting Alys play with her at all.

He wrote back and tucked the phone into his pocket, running down the stairs to the premises which were twinkling with lots of coloured lights and neon.

As he stepped inside, he immediately heard 80s electronic music – the Depeche Mode track I just can't get enough was pounding from the speakers around him. The club's clientele was mostly very young, dancing in front of large monitors following the instructions of some character, singing karaoke, playing at a PlayStation or bent over large boards, planning the entire game.

"Hi!" He heard a cheerful voice from behind the bar – when he looked there, he saw her and her wide smile, her hair pinned up in a ponytail on top of her head.

He didn't understand why her eyes sparkled with joy at the sight of him, and why he felt a pleasant warmth at the thought.

Was he so desperate to be noticed and needed?

He thought he was pathetic, but still his feet carried him further to the counter behind which she stood.

"I'm so glad you're here. Would you like to try the drink I mentioned yesterday?" She asked immediately, while her shift mate started to serve another customer.

He just nodded, for some reason embarrassed and overwhelmed, sitting down on one of the high chairs just off the bar.

He saw that she had gone to the back room and then returned with a bottle in which he was sure there was blood.

He looked around anxiously, but no one took any notice.

"I'm going to make a drink for my friend with rum, ice, cherry and apricot juice." She said aloud, pouring something that was certainly not cherry juice along with the other ingredients into a shaker.

He couldn't hide his surprise at the fact that he didn't see any sign of discomfort or fear on her face that someone would discover what she was doing – on the contrary, she seemed delighted to share her next treat with him again.

Although he didn't admit it out loud, fuck, her blood jellies were so good.

She poured the contents of the container into a nice tall glass and put a cardboard straw in it, placing the whole thing right in front of his face.

"I hope you will like it." She said lightly, immediately moving on to attend to the customer behind him.

He reached for the glass, raised it to his lips and hesitantly took a sip from it. He had to bite his lower lip to hold back a smirk of amusement.

It was delicious.

For some reason, being with her made him feel like a human again and maybe that's why he came back.

Maybe that's why he couldn't leave.

"What do you think?" She asked aloud, preparing an order for a second customer, already with completely normal ingredients.

"Very good." He admitted, throwing her a drawn-out, satisfied look.

For some reason, he was smiling.

Her shift ended an hour later so, as per her request, he waited for her at the exit. As she came out of the back room, one of the guys, similar in age to her at least in appearance, clearly drunk, approached her.

"– hi – shit, I know I'm drunk and – you know – but – fuck, will you give me your number? – sorry if I'm imposing –" He mumbled, clearly stressed and filled with emotion.

He saw that this confession had impressed her and did not make her uncomfortable, however, he knew she would refuse.

She, unlike him, was not playing with her food.

"Forgive me, but I already have someone." She said and looked up at him, surprising him completely.

He snorted, shaking his head in disbelief.

"– oh – I'm so sorry – I thought –" The boy began to babble, clearly embarrassed, wanting for sure now to erase from her memory what he had said and just disappear.

"– it's okay – you're really sweet –" She assured him warmly and walked past him, throwing him a horrified, apologetic look.

"You already have someone?" He sneered, walking up the stairs at her side, stepping out into the fresh night air at last.

"Sorry, I didn't know what to answer. Don't be mad. Otherwise he'd be getting his hopes up." She said with sincere concern, grabbing his coat sleeve, clearly wanting him to accept her explanation and look at her.

"Nevermind." He said, not knowing what he was doing here.

I should go home, he thought.

"If you want, you can rest in my apartment." He heard her voice and swallowed loudly, thinking that he shouldn't.

He shouldn't, but he ended up lying in her bed anyway, with his fangs sunk into her fragrant neck, snuggled into her soft flesh. Her fluffy pyjamas, consisting of trousers and a shirt buttoned up the front, smelled of some pleasant, delicate washing powder.

He had to undo a few buttons to reach the hollow of her neck, or at least that's how he explained it to himself – his hand, as he drank her blood in slow, lazy sips, brushed her plump breast under the material, founding itself there completely by accident.

Every time his thumb, also by accident of course, rubbed her hard nipple, something on the edge of a sigh and a moan left her lips: her body tensed like a string, vulnerable and responsive to his every move.

It occurred to him that what he was doing, as well as the reactions of her own body, were a surprise to her – she was certainly not as experienced in these matters as he was, if at all.

That thought aroused him even more.

When he finally pulled away from her, he wanted to take his hand from under her shirt, but her fingers stopped him, pressing it back against her skin. He sighed as she turned with him, when, trailing her knuckles along his long jaw, this time it was her moist lips that reached his neck.

He licked his mouth and flinched, feeling the dull pain and sting as her fangs dug slowly into his flesh. He closed his eyes, focusing on the softness of her breast under his hand, kneading it gently in his palm, feeling the wonderful, intimate scent of their blood all around them.

Sip after sip she quenched her thirst, cuddling up to him like a small child – he couldn't help the pleasant shiver that ran through his lungs as she threw her leg over his hip, pressing her body against his.

When she finally pulled away from his neck, she laid her head on the pillow right next to his – their lips, chins and cheeks were all sticky with blood. When she leaned towards him, they simply kissed: he grunted with delight, feeling their mingled taste melt on his tongue, and pressed her tighter to himself, clasping his free hand in her hair.

It doesn't mean anything, he repeated to himself, forcing his tongue deep into her throat, rolling with his hips back and forth, rubbing his swollen erection against her lower abdomen.

He was simply tired and she was a break from the monotony of his life.

He would get bored with her quickly, as he did with all the women before her.

He opened his eyes as she pressed her forehead against his, listening to their loud, raspy breaths. He gasped as her fingers ran down his cheek, as the tips of their tongues brushed invitingly, clicking with each lazy lick, sending a delicious, hot shiver down his spine.

It was one of the most perverse sensations he had ever experienced in his life.

He was unable to contain the pleasant, warm feeling that spread through his heart as she combed her fingers through his short hair – to his displeasure, she broke the caress and kissed the tip of his nose.

He was fully hard, but he had no intention of taking more from her than she was willing to give him.

"Why did you come?" She asked in a whisper, stroking his cheek with her thumb.

He simply looked at her for a moment, wondering what he should answer.

Why he had actually done it again.

"I don't know." He replied finally. "I don't know the answer to that question."

His words did not discourage or sadden her, as she smiled with understanding.

"I see. Rest now. I will too." She said softly.

They both lay on their stomachs, embracing each other with their arms around each other's waists – their foreheads still touched as they both closed their eyes.

For some reason, he wanted to feel her close.

They weren't friends, just some strange kind of lovers, he realized with pain, but he felt a strange discomfort at the thought, indicating that he himself wasn't sure he believed what he was trying to tell himself.

What had he really come for?

What was he expecting?

Was he simply curious about how her drink tasted?

How their night would turn out?

Would he drink her blood again?

Will they have sex?

Will they fall asleep next to each other?

He closed his eyes, recognising that it didn't matter.

For the first time in many years he had fully quenched his hunger.

The thought that this was surely the last night he would spend with her filled him with a strange kind of sadness and regret – he held her close in his embrace, knowing that he would eventually have to tell her that he didn't live here at all.

That he had lied to her.

When she woke up and lifted her head, she saw his face – she smiled sweetly in a way from which he felt a sting in his heart.

Although all sticky with blood, she looked so innocent.

"I lied to you." He said.

She blinked and shook her head, surprised and horrified, her expression one of complete consternation.

"What do you mean?" She muttered.

"I didn't move here. I just came for a while. You know. To eat." He explained, feeling that for some reason his heart was pounding in his chest like crazy.

Why was he scared?

"Oh. I understand. We don't know each other well yet, you had every right to act like that. Don't worry." She said reassuringly, making him feel an uncomfortable tightness in his throat, a wetness under his eyelids that he hadn't felt in years.

What was happening to him?

"There's someone out there waiting for me. And I don't want her to find out about you. It would be dangerous for you. I'm leaving today." He whispered with surprising difficulty, hearing, shocked, that his voice broke at the last sentence.

He saw her eyebrows arch in pain, her nose twitched as her eyes turned red with tears, the request and plea for him to stay written on her face so clearly that she didn't need to say anything.

Instead of stopping him, however, she let him go and pulled away slightly.

"Your friend?" She asked, not looking him in the eye, but at his chest.

He had a feeling that if he opened his mouth, he would cry.

He let his broad, pale hand raise – his fingers ran gently across her cheek in some hopeless attempt to comfort her.

"If I could, I would take you with me." He said with difficulty, hearing, embarrassed, how pathetic it sounded.

She laughed, but it was a chuckle full of sadness and disappointment, from which he felt a cold, unpleasant shiver.

"Is that how it is with you? Do you play separately and then come back together?" She asked.

He swallowed hard, feeling as if a stone had fallen to the bottom of his stomach, dragging him down.

He felt ashamed at the thought of how accurately she had judged him.

"Go back to her, but don't mention me. I don't need any more problems, much less a jealous woman on my mind." She said, rising from the bed at last, leaving him with emptiness and coldness all around.

"Of course. I'm not going to expose you." He muttered, raising himself up on his elbow, stupefied, feeling like he'd woken up from some deep sleep.

It wasn't real.

"Do you need blood? I can give you a few bags." She said calmly, standing with her back to him, pacing the kitchen as if she were preparing to make herself breakfast.

"No. No need."

The sky outside the window was cloudy, exactly as his thoughts – he was sitting in a train car filled with people, and although he usually struggled to control himself, he felt no hunger.

Her blood satisfied him.

He lowered his gaze, wondering why he didn't feel like he was coming home at all. Usually after such a journey he was tired and discouraged, relieved to return to what was familiar to him. Now, however, he felt like he was sinking deeper and deeper into the dark, damp underworld of his heart.

What was really waiting for him there?

He got the answer as soon as he crossed the threshold of his flat.

Alys was waiting for him with candles all around her, which she must have lit beforehand. She looked very good: an elegant knee-length black dress perfectly accentuated her physical assets, her long hair falling loosely over her shoulders.

He didn't know why, but the sight of her made him feel uncomfortable.

Is this how it is with you?

Do you play separately and then come back to each other?

It's not like that, he thought.

It's just that when I go home, she's already waiting for me there.

Always.

"What's that face? Did you kill someone?" She asked with a hint of amusement, rising from the couch, a pretty, ornate goblet filled with blood in her hand.

Fresh blood.

He didn't want to know where she'd gotten it or who'd paid for it.

"No." He replied wearily, putting the keys down on one of the shelves in the corridor.

I don't have the strength for this, he thought.

"I've missed you. This city is so boring when you're not around." She said softly, combing her long nails through his short hair.

He felt an unsettling shudder when she did this: unlike her touch, in which there was first and foremost a desire for comfort, there was pure sexual intent in Alys's.

She wanted to get straight to the point.

He closed his eyes as she embraced him from behind, as her lips placed a kiss on his neck, as her free hand slowly slid down his torso between his thighs. She froze, not finding there what she had clearly expected.

He wasn't hard.

"What's the matter? Aren't you in the mood? Didn't you miss me?" She asked, and he sighed, taking her hand from his crotch.

"No." He replied again, pulling his coat off his shoulders.

He felt the atmosphere around them grow thicker, knowing that her momentary silence was not a good sign.

She was preparing to attack.

"Are you in love with some poor human girl again? You'll get over it, as you always do. She'll eventually grow old and die, and you'll come back, seeking comfort from me." She muttered with a kind of certainty in her voice that annoyed him.

"What are you doing in my flat?" He asked dryly, knocking her off guard.

She looked at him, wrinkling her eyebrows, increasingly frustrated.

"I came to say hello to you. I was hoping for a warmer welcome." She replied coldly.

Welcome, meaning wild sex full of blood?

"I don't recall inviting you. I want to rest." He said dryly, sidestepping her, feeling some kind of frustration and regret.

Because of you, I had to leave her behind.

She needed me.

But if I had stayed with her, she would have found out what a jealous monster you are.

Alys was able to reconcile with his female human lovers because she knew they would eventually disappear – she herself did not shy away from such excesses, fucking young, handsome boys whenever the opportunity arose.

A female vampire, however, would be a threat to her.

"Ah, yes. You only need me when you cry and miss your mummy. When the remorse and memories of how you killed your father come back. But don't worry. I know you better than you know yourself. Have fun, and when you're done, come and we'll forget this conversation." She said dispassionately and grabbed her coat, putting on her high-heels on the way, leaving his flat with a loud slam of the door.

He rested his hands on the countertop and leaned forward, for some strange reason feeling relieved.

He was alone.

He sat down at his old oak desk and opened his laptop – he sighed heavily as he saw 46 new emails from work, knowing he would have to wade through them all one by one.

He had always loved reading, and over his far too long life he had read so many books that he thought he might be able to make some money from it. He therefore became an editor and translator for a publishing house that released volumes of poetry, but also books on history and philosophy.

He liked this job: he received assignments by email, and could discuss them over the phone. His employers were happy with his work, and his readers praised the fidelity of his translations and revisions, so in the end he managed to live on that alone.

He used an alias and false documents so no one has yet realised that he has been several other people in different countries over the past decade.

He could, of course, like other vampires, simply kill rich people and steal their life savings, however, he knew that in the long run such a life was very miserable: for obvious reasons it is then easier to draw attention to yourself and you still have to hide.

He had enough of that.

Maybe that's why she made such an impression on me, he thought.

She lived as if nothing had happened.

He sighed, running his hand over his face, feeling nothing but remorse at the memory of the expression on her face when he told her he was leaving. He didn't understand why those three days had affected him so much, why she, a stranger, had made him doubt himself completely as a person.

Maybe it was because he had touched her even though he shouldn't have: she had no obligations to anyone, he knew, however, that by entering into any kind of intimate relationship with her, he might be exposing her to Alys' wrath – and even though nothing but a kiss had actually happened between them, he had the feeling that they had had sex at least a few times.

This kind of unforced, intense intimacy, this touch full of desire and need for closeness, was so painfully sincere that it went beyond what he was usually familiar with: what he had done was not only out of his physiological needs, but out of something much deeper.

Something more sad, more pathetic, more real.

Some part of him wanted to be human again.

[alexander-arcturus-black-lupin-r]

Spencer's home

Spencer finally comes home

It's fluffy but it turns smutty (idek if i posted this alr but 🤷🏾‍♀️what can a girl do when she's going to school in 2 days

When Spencer Reid arrived home from his work trip, Y/N was waiting eagerly. As soon as he entered the apartment, she jumped up and wrapped her arms around him, beaming with joy. 

She had missed him so much and wanted to spend time with him. After catching up and discussing his trip, they decided to spend the night cuddling and after dinner. 

Y/N had always been fascinated by Spencer’s intellect, and she loved the way his mind worked. She loved the feeling of being able to have conversations with him that were so deep and meaningful. 

As they snuggled up on the couch, Spencer ran his fingers through Y/N's hair as they talked about the world and their lives. They talked about their dreams and their future, and Spencer made Y/N feel like anything was possible. They shared a few kisses which turned into more than just that. 

Y/N knew it was time to go to sleep. She looked over at Spencer and smiled, feeling so grateful that they had each other. As she drifted off to sleep, smiled at nerdy boyfriend.

After a week, Spencer finally came home; he was with his team on a manhunt for a sociopathic criminal. But you didn’t care, all that you cared about was that he was home. He came around 6 surprising you with a bouquet of flowers. He showered and had dinner with you, before you both went to bed. 

He was fast asleep. Spencer was adorable when he slept. His eyes would flutter ever so slightly, his lips would pout and he was extremely clingy holding onto you throughout the night. It was one of the inadvertently cute things he did that made you fall harder.

She noticed the light bags under his eyes. How his grip on her wasn't as tight. Y/N felt a piece of her heart break for Spencer as she looked at him. She missed him, her heart missed him and so did her body.

She moved closer to him and gently caressed his cheek. His skin felt so smooth and inviting. She would let him sleep, he needed it. 

She turned away from him and snuggled closer. But that didn't sate the burning between her legs. She tried to press both her legs together but that didn't work. 

Spencer slowly woke up, the first thing he noticed was the beautiful shape of the woman he was holding. Two, there was something wrong with the woman he was holding. 

"Y/n baby what's wrong," 

“Nothing Spence just bad dreams”

Spencer truly was tired from his job but he was able to pick up your lie. He knew you were lying. “Baby have you slept and don’t lie to me you’re a terrible liar?” you stay silent. Spencer kneels over you and turns you to look at him.

“Are you mad at me, did I-”  you sit up and cradle his face in your hands.

“Spencer no, nothing is your fault,” you leaned in and kissed him deeply, feeling a spark of electricity between them. Spencer reacted with a passionate kiss of his own.

“Then what’s wrong, are you uncomfortable?”

“No, I’m horny” Spencer’s eyebrows raised in shock, a smile tugged at his lips.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you’re tired Spence, I doubt you’ve had a proper meal before today, the bags under your eyes, how you basically slouched into bed.” you shake your head. “I love you Spencer, and just as how you put me before you, I put you before me.”

Spencer smiled, he leaned in and kissed you, his left hand slipping from your cheek gripping the back of your neck. 

“You are my wife, it is my job to sate your every need,” Spencer’s other hand pulled your pyjama bottoms off in one fell swoop. 

Y/N gasped as Spencer’s fingers plunged right into you with no warning. 

“Look how wet you are, all for me,” Spencer slipped out and twisted your nub. “And only me” 

His touch felt like a searing flame, setting your body on fire. His hands worked their way down your curves, igniting a spark of pleasure in her. She moaned in pleasure as his hands moved lower, caressing her thighs and hips in a slow, sensuous rhythm.

Spencer moved forward, his body pressing against hers. She could feel his hardness against her and her breath caught in her throat. Spencer moved his lips against hers, his tongue exploring her mouth in a passionate kiss.

Y/N moaned in pleasure as Spencer's fingers drove her mad. His touch was gentle and teasing, sending waves of pleasure through her body. She moaned as she felt herself clench around him.

“Fuck, I can feel you coming,” As the waves of pleasure intensified, Y/N let out a loud moan that echoed throughout the room as she came apart. But Spencer wasn’t done. Oh no not in the slightest.

He kissed you hard as he undoes his pants. “I missed you y/n, I missed being inside you” and with that he aligns himself, he enters you slowly filling you up immediately. 

“Mmhm, i missed this,” His pace increases sending all thoughts out the window.

“Spencer”

“Yes, oh fuck…”

“Faster…”

And the faster he went, he always made you cum first and now was no different. Spencer leans down and leaves hickeys down your throat. He takes a nipple in his mouth and bites down.

“Fuck,” an invisible coil that had been tightening up immediately springs out. Spencer kisses me swallowing my screams. As the pleasure began to subside, Y/N and Spencer lay together, panting in exhaustion. She felt completely content in his embrace, her body still quivering from the intense pleasure.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever lie about your needs to me, if you ever just wanna ride me till sunrise, tell me okay?"

"Yeah okay," She paused. "Spencer?"

"Yeah,"

"I wanna ride you till sunrise," she felt him chuckle against her neck sending hairs rising.

"Your wish is my command," Spencer flipped us over, placing me on top. "Tell me in detail what you what sunshine"

"I-i" Spencer sat up and kissed her, his hands beneath him. 

"Words sunshine, use your words," Spencer moved down her throat. "Although your moans are beautiful," 

"I- I want you to uhm, do what you're doing earlier," Spencer chuckled. 

"Whic part?"

"The kissing and um thumbing around here," she gestured around her chest. Spencer smirked. 

"What else?"

"Um I want you to um use your fingers, down there," Spencer nodded slowly rubbing her hips with his fingers. 

"Is that it?"

"Mhmm," 

Spencer leaned in and kissed her sending her brain spiralling, he kissed down her neck as his other hand made its way down.

"Goodnight baby."

" 'night Spence love you to the ends of the universe."

"I love you to the ends of the universe AND back."

"You're such a dork."

"Your dork. The one you love, and married." he says casually flaunting his ring. You giggle.

"Yea my Dork."

[ahmoseinarus]

Why I'm not okay with Vax'leth...

okay, hear me out before you come for me, "their love was used to break the world"ers, cuz I'm seriously not trying to start a fight... First and foremost... this is only my opinion. And my opinion has absolutely no bearing on your thoughts, views, opinions, or what is canon. The Eight Nerdy-Ass Voice Actors have spoken: Vax'leth is canon, end of story. And I'm certainly not going to say Vax'leth shippers are wrong, or stupid, blah blah blah... hell no. That is not my place, nor my right (well, legally it is my right, but my personal morals and feelings on the matter say that it's a dick move, so). I don't care who you ship (as long as it ain't pedophilia). That's the beauty of fandoms. We can all have our thoughts, ideas, opinions, and somewhere, find someone of like mind to share them with. Second, yes. I ship Perc'ildan... But I also ship Vax'more. Hell, when I was watching Campaign 1, Vax gave Percy a big ol' smooch on the cheek, Liam said "Percy and Vax, people! Ship it!" I said "O, captain, my captain!" and never looked back. But otherwise, there wasn't much else in canon to go off of. Not like there was with Vax & Gilmore. Very quickly, the chemistry there blew me away, I was shipping them so damn fast, and I had so much hope for them! But then... "You know I'm in love with you, right?"

💔 ... that single, Iconic moment that kicked off the Vax'leth joy for nearly a decade for so many, was a moment of shattered hopes and heartbreak for me. And it came out nowhere! I was not expecting it! I knew people were shipping them (I was not in online communities yet, I got into the fandom very late, they were between C2 & C3 when I started watching C1) but I didn't know how the campaign ended, I didn't know if anyone ended up together... I had not recognized any interest between those two characters except for one brief moment, when Vax went unconscious in the fight with the Briarwoods in Emon... He pictured his mother, his sister... and Keyleth. And I thought "oh god, please don't go there." And for a couple more eps, it seemed okay, but then he dropped that line...

"You know I'm in love with you, right?"

... fuck.

Part of me wanted to stop watching. But that was silly and childish. And holy shit, the Briarwood Arc. I think I paused, though, and stared at the ceiling and had a silent mental tantrum. Later, watching him pseudo-break up with Gilmore from their pseudo-thing that was never really official to begin with, because of what looked unrequited love, left me feeling nauseous. And... it never got better. Nothing about Vax and Keyleth ever felt right.

Now, I wasn't particularly happy about Perc'ahlia either, but... I was okay with it. I mean, damn, Laura and Tal played it well, Vex & Percy had the chemistry... They came together, they said "yes, you are what I want", and "Lady in the streets, tiger in the sheets" Vex said "Great, let's fucking go," grabbed Percy by the short & curlies and has been dragging him around, plucking his flower ever since, and making him a very, very happy man. But I digress. No, Vax'leth just never felt right. The chemistry wasn't there. They always seemed just a bit out of synch, never quite in harmony with each other... I know the arguments have been made before. Keyleth and Vax felt forced; yeah, they really did. They were awkward; yeah, I mean, Keyleth was already socially awkward, Marisha played that brilliantly, but this was... more. Vax carried everything; yyyyeah, he did. He seemed desperate to make it work. Sure. I saw all of that. Every single one of "their moments" was so incredibly uncomfortable for me to watch, it was almost unbearable... There were a couple of times when I physically squirmed in response. But... why? I didn't have this response to Percy & Vex... I see Perc'ahlia fanart online, I've even read a couple of Perc'ahlia fics... but Vax'leth? I actively avoid it... I've never read anything that might include it... I block the tag on every platform, because stumbling across fanart with them in any... intimate position just brings a visceral cringe reaction from me... ... But... I'm fine with Percy/Grog. Or Percy/Tary. Or Vax/Grog. I've read a Vex/Percy/Grog. I'm down with Vex/Zahra/Kash... Vex/Percy/Zahra. o.o I've read Polymachina where it's "hm... whose bed am I sleeping in tonight?" And that's where I figured it out... because whenever characters started getting mix-matched up together, occasionally I'd find myself skipping stuff, just "oof, no, not interested in giving that paring/threesome/grouping a chance..." And I finally realized it all had the same thing in common. It was Keyleth herself. And between that, and watching C3, I started to realize something. Or recognize something. There was something about Keyleth that was resonating with me. There was something about her, that I was relating to. And once I figured it out, I couldn't believe it had taken me so long to see it. Keyleth full on fucking screams Aromantic Asexual so hard!

And she doesn't even know it herself!!!

This is an incredible woman of strength, power, wisdom and compassion. She is one of the leading figures in the entire world. Her life has been nothing but a journey of seeking knowledge, and power, and self-control, and wisdom and leadership. She has had incredible burdens and responsibilities heaped upon her shoulders since she was just a girl. Her Aramente was supposed to be about finding herself, yes, but that's also what the journey of life is. I realized that the reason that Vax'leth made me so uncomfortable, was because I recognized what I was seeing. I was watching Keyleth, who had no understanding of herself, and who had not yet had the time to explore and figure herself out, being confronted with someone that she cared about, expressing feelings for her, and she was going through the motions of trying to to respond. She was just doing what she thought she was supposed to do, playing the part she was supposed to play, and even wanted to play, because this! This is what people do! This is part of what everyone gets to have! Something that is normal, but special, and just for her, in this otherwise insane, overwhelming chaos that is the rest of her life, with the world crashing down around her... "This is what I'm supposed to do! I care for this person, he cares for me, he loves me, so I'm supposed to fall in love with him! That's what's happening! I'm supposed to do this! This is what I'm supposed to say! Is this what it's supposed to feel like when we hold hands? I'm probably just nervous and overreacting. This is what we're supposed to do. Yes, we're supposed to kiss. I'm supposed to like it. Yes, act like I like it, tell him I like it, tell myself I like it, this is what I want because I care about him, and this is what you do when you care about someone!"

At some point, you start to question. "... is it... really supposed to fee like this? Is this really what I want? Is this really love? Or... OMG have I just been playing along because I'm trying to conform to the expectations of society... and myself?!" It's confusing... because you genuinely do want it!!! Until you realize... that you don't. And then you're just confused. And trying to figure out why. Maybe you weren't really in love? Maybe you didn't really want it with this person? Or... did you ever really want it at all?

Let me tell you, some of the best smut fanfiction is written by asexuals, in case you didn't know that. There is a big difference between loving sex, and loving the idea of sex. Or loving romance, and wanting to have your own. There are so many written works of love and romance and erotic, explicit sex, being written by people who can't get enough of reading and writing it... but have no interest in having that themselves... But I'm sure quite a few of us went through the motions in our youth, of dating, kissing, or even a bit more, before we realized OMG no, keep it out of my reality and in fiction, please. Keyleth never had the fucking chance. Perhaps in their year off between the Conclave and the final Arc she started to wonder and question... I think at some point, maybe on a Talks Machina, Liam did say that Vax and Keyleth's relationship was mostly asexual. But then, of course... Vax was gone.

I wonder if he knew, on some level... Especially after his deal with the Matron. That as much as she loved him, it was not as much as she thought she did. Or, if I may, even as much as Marisha loved Vax. Maybe Keyleth has figured herself out by now... maybe she hasn't... In Dalen's Closet, she asked the Champion how she is supposed to get over him if he keeps sending her Ravens. But I can't help wondering if she isn't clinging to Vax's memory, in part, because as long as she is still grieving him, it gives her an excuse to not move on. If she hasn't moved on, and isn't moving forward in a state where someone might be trying to catch her eye, she won't have to deal with that self-reflection, and start to question if what she had with him was ever real to begin with, or just another lie she was telling herself. I have to wonder if she is ready to see and accept that part of herself. It takes a lot of time. I was in my mid thirties by the time I realized I was on the asexual spectrum. And nearly 40 when I realized I was aromantic. And now, looking at Keyleth as an Aromantic Asexual, everything just seemed to slot into place, and make sense for her, and everything that bugged me about her suddenly... doesn't anymore. I've always enjoyed Keyleth's character, outside of Vax'leth. But I'm curious, if I go back and rewatch C1 now, with this perspective, while I will certainly never like it, and will certainly never ship it... I wonder if I can at least find some peace in it. But, for those of you who think I'm stark raving mad, that Zephrah is for lovers, and the Raven & the Tempest is the love story for the ages, well... You've waited a long time for LoVM Season 3! Enjoy and savor every Vax'leth moment you get!!! But I will respectfully be filtering them out, and shall let you have your moments of triumph and delight in peace.

💖Fandom is for Shippers (Canon Compliance not required) -Responses are fine, I just ask that you bear in mind all I have put forth is my opinion, and nothing more, and I have tried to do so in a manner that is respectful to those that I know will likely not share my opinion. Should someone feel the need to come back at me with considerably less respect than I have shown, well... then in the words of one Pike Trickfoot in LoVM S1 E01... "Easy Grog... we don't waste our time on talking assholes, remember?"

[without-you-i-was-adrift]

Fuck i love life is strange so so much and it hurts my soul to read all the rant about the new (and some old) games.

I get it, it really hurts to get new info about our beloved characters that does not fit the narrative we might have created over the years.

Personally i think, that most of it is really thought through and well fitting - but i dont want to start arguing here. I respect it, if you don't love the decisions, that were made.

But I really wanna see some love for the game - besides the whole Chloe-controversy. They did so much right. Max is feeling like Max. We have queerness, artsy and nerdy characters, emotional moments, struggles with family and friends, good music, beautiful visuals... Everything that made Life is Strange a fucking great game is there. And we've got trans* representation and mental health awareness and police criticism! I love it!

Also they did give us so many little moments relating to the original game. The Firewalk posters? Graffiti in Chloes style? The Two Whales photos? The blue butterfly on the tarot card? And ofcourse the polaroid-wall with photos of Chloe and all the flashbacks Max has.

I am so so happy about the games. And I'd love to see more shared joy about the game. Even though a lot of you don't agree with the decisionmaking around Chloe and it hurts (understandably!) and we all wish it would be different - there really are other aspects that are fucking great.

[chiiyuuvv]

xikers as descendants tropes!

descendants!xikers x fem!reader 1.3k words requested!

▸ 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺?

Mal and Ben’s dynamic has been pretty cute over the first two movies. The constant “I can’t do it” , “Yes you can, I'm right here with you.” personally warms my heart to see the level of assurance and comfort that takes place between the two characters.

If Minjae fitted into Mal’s character, he would definitely need a bit (a lot) of reassurance, and that's okay! He could be stressed out about producing or school, and your kind words would make the time go by a little faster. One thing I noticed is that Mal is trying to live up to her parents' expectations, so I could see the same with Minjae and his parents. Maybe they wanted him to go the typical doctor route, but he knows deep down that he loves producing. Being there with him and helping along the way, showing, telling him that he is his own person and that he should find his own light will definitely make him shed a tear. Of joy, of course.

If Hunter fitted into Ben's character, I can definitely see all the sweet gestures and words he would give you. Sure, you may have argued the previous day, but Hunter would do everything in his power to break the ice, and talk to you about it – resolve the situation. The amount of pet names he would give you would make your head spin because he truly wants you to know how special you are and how much you mean to him. He definitely is your prince charming.

Evie and Doug over the first two movies have been super cute, but not that much action should I say? Compared to Mal and Ben, their storyline hasn't been as clear. One minute they're sharing glances, then the next minute they're talking as friends/classmates? I think Disney could have done a better job at connecting everything (this is based off of the first two movies btw) but, this is obviously love at first sight, and he fell first, yet she fell harder 🤭

If Junmin fitted into Doug's character, I could definitely see him play the more nerdy role. Junmin knows a few things and despite the stereotypes given to Evie (or to you), he'd be more than willing to help you out.. study together.. indirectly asking for your number/a date. This is so junmin. He would be a little shy at first because of his newfound feelings, but once you get closer and he gets to know you more, he'd be a little flirty, touchy, smiley.. are you picking up what I'm putting down?

If Hyunwoo fitted into Evie's character, I feel like hyunwoo would have this desire to kind of fit in, but through Doug (or you again), he would learn to be more of himself. I don't really know what I'm saying for this one, but hyunwoo would feel more like himself whenever he's with you. He'd be a little oblivious to your liking towards him, but once you start talking more and befriend each other, he'd kind of get slapped with that feeling, and fall even harder than before. 

Again, Disney didn't really do a good job connecting everything when it comes to Jay and Lonnie. There were some things that didn't make as much sense.. but I'm still going to write about them 🫡 In the second movie, Lonnie says wordlessly that girls can do the same things as boys, and in the few scenes, they showcase how astonish yet proud Jay is to see her go. In the end, Jay gives away his captain role so Lonnie could still play with them, without breaking the rules.

If sumin fitted into Jay's character, which I can definitely see btw, he’d almost be like a frat boy; insanely good looks and he’s good at sports too?? The girls are drooling over him. And sumin acknowledges that, yet he doesn't decide to hook up with a random girl (he prob did but this is a kids movie for god's sake) because he shows respect to them. He’d, again, be shocked to see a girl that’s so courageous like you, and that would give his heart a little ping. Who knows, he might even invite you to the school dance ;)

If Junghoon fitted into Lonnie’s character, I think he would fall for someone who allows him to be himself (?) Like since Lonnie issn’t the traditional girl and Jay didn’t try to do anything to interfere with that, you know? He thinks to himself, “wow.. I’m able to be my complete self around her,” and he’d definitely showcase that in your presence. And if you return the energy? He’s jumping off the walls on the inside, but giving a small smile to hide his happiness. 

I remember watching Descendants 2 when I was little and grinning whenever Jane and Carlos came on the screen. Their love life is honestly what I daydream about, and I’m not jealous obviously. Carlos spends his time on the movie pining for Jane, but is too nervous to tell her about it. He does confess to Jane, but it’s through this ramble confession that makes my heart flutter :((

If jinsik fitted into Jane’s character, he’d be a little (very) oblivious to your feelings. Like you want to go out for coffee because you like being around him? He’d think it's some kind of compliment or maybe because you want to get some homework done or something. So he does accidentally put you into the friend zone which you desperately want to escape, but he probably  won’t realize his feelings unless you confess to him and basically put him on the spot. Because this feeling is so sudden, he would want to start everything slow, just so he can adjust to it all. 

If yechan fitted into Carlos’s character, which I can definitely see btw pt. 2, he would use his more silly and whimsical side to get your attention, and to get some laughter bubbling out of you. When he starts to get all fuzzy while hearing your laughter, he knows he’s fallen deep, and things start to get a little awkward. Maybe that’s why you accidentally friend zone him? But just know that he’s been practicing his confession on his friends (they all hate it), and he feels prepared.. He just needs to find the right moment ;) pt. 2

For the third time, Disney doesn’t do a good job at explaining Uma and Harry’s ship, so this is all based on something I found on the internet. Uma and Harry’s dynamic is more like teasing your best friend, but knowing that they will always have your back and vice versa. They also have more perks, like giving away something that means a lot to them to the other. (*cough cough* Harry giving uma his hook) They are very silly around each other but know when to get serious!

If seeun fitted into Harry’s character, he’d definitely be your personal trickster, only giving you sly smiles whenever he gets caught. You also have lots of childhood memories that you both adore, sometimes spending your shared time giggling under your pillow fort together. Not only that, but seeun is also your personal bodyguard. You don’t like how someone looks at you? He’d do everything in his power to separate the both of you, and if the person gets mad, he is there to take any hits. He is very loyal to his bestie. Heck, he’d even take your side when he knows that you’re in the wrong.

If yujun fitted into Uma’s character, he would be a little more assertive through your teachings, and loyal as a dog to you. You were most likely childhood besties, so you’d always have a special place in his heart. If you were to give him something that meant a lot to you, he’d honestly get a little teary eyed, because it shows that he means a lot to you too :(( You are definitely his comfort place, and he’d do everything in his power to protect the one he loves.

︴bonus! i loved this idea saur much! You know, despite disney making cringe movies, they actually have very good morals built into them. Like girls can do the same as boy, and you don't always have to follow your parents strict expections; it made me smile to that. Also, funny story, I was taking notes while watching the films and then I come back the next day to find the notes gone?! Turns out it was saved to a different file which is weird.. anyways please request for more fun headcanons!

▸ taglist 🎧 @lil-elle , @hyunukitty , @cake1box , @mars101 , @nenede , @wonootnoot , @pinievsev , @yuniniverse , @hunchan444 , @s00buwu , @cherrycolaberry , @yoiiwonn , @kookieswithjung , @hakyunz (welcome!)

🎬 navi

@chiiyuuvv on tumblr . do not steal works/headers/line dividers

[paviastrashyrings]

yaoi please . idc who just yaoi please

Well allow me to preface this by clarifying that this is a x reader blog, and due to you not caring who, this is perfect real estate for me to write about Horropedia. I just got him to insight 2 and I am very happy with his alternate appearance.

So join me now, dear readers, in a sweet dream of our favorite Nerdy nerd.

Spending a night in with Horropedia

He invited you to a "horror movie watch party", and by party he meant you and him and the others that he invited that wouldn't show.

He never really did mind the others not showing, horror movies were not everyones cup of tea, but you showed up?

Oh, hes over the moon. "Wow! you even brought snacks for us" he would invite you in with a big doofy smile, taking the bag of snacks you brought in so that he could lay them out in a nice container with different sections so none of the flavors or seasonings mixed. Instead of a grand party, there lay a pillow fort on the floor in front of his T.V with a stack of classics queued up for the marathon.

He is collected to the naked eye, calm and polite, but inside? Shaking with pure joy, especially if you listen to his open plot dissections of the movies he laid out.

He wanted you to choose, even if he's watched all of them already, and of course he'd give a recommendation of what to watch.

If you had a favorite? Hes more than happy to watch it with you, but be ready for discourse on scenes he was either impressed by or not impressed with.

He would never discourage you for liking a movie that was not of his tastes, he knows better than anyone what that feels like and would never wish that upon you let alone be the cause of it.

Engage him in polite discourse or rant about the lore of a horror franchise you like and he'll listen and join in, overjoyed to have found a conversation partner that actually enjoys horror too.

Now dear readers, for a sweeter dream, Romance with our beloved nerd.

He is not really a physical touch person to begin, preferring quality time over touch to build trust and comfort.

Laughing with you and sharing snacks with you in the pillow fort over the course of a few movie nights had made him warm up to the idea.

He would be the first to ask if he could initiate physical touch first, wanting to initiate it for his own comfort but allowing it to be a choice.

"Can you give me your hand for a moment?" he would ask, and if you gave him your hand he'd smile and hold it gently in his.

The type of person to draw gentle patterns into your palm, non-repetitive motions to avoid discomfort. He never let his fingers linger on the same spot of your palm for too long.

If you wish to initiate physical touch first, please spare him the same courtesy of asking, allow him to prepare himself to be touched even if it is for a moment.

Holding hands beneath the blanket, reaching over to play with his hair, just small touches and soft laughter; hushed voices whispering "shh! its my favorite part.."

You wondered for a moment how he thought he could fit more than two people in the pillow forts he made.

In reality, he only counted on you coming, hoping that you always did. He would never admit it though <3.

Yet another soft end to a sweet dream, dear readers. Now it is time to close your eyes, breathe in deep, and relish the feeling of freedom in the time that you find rest. I will wait till you find me once more, and then again we shall dream.

Until then, signed yours truly

Moon.

[nerdygaymormon]

Affirmation Mexico's 2024 Conference

As vice-president of Affirmation, I spoke at the 2024 Affirmation Mexico conference. Afterwards one lady came over and said she’s a mama dragon and every word rang true.💖

They are starting an Affirmation Magazine for Mexico and asked if they could print my speech in their first edition. Isn’t that sweet?

Here's what I said and the Spanish translation

————————————————————

My name is David Doyle. I was born in Canada and live in Florida. I am a Latter-day Saint. I am gay. And I am vice president of Affirmation. I am delighted to be here. I will share some thoughts about finding joy as an LGBTQ person.

Mi nombre es David Doyle. Nací en Canadá y vivo en Florida. Soy un Santo de los Últimos Días. Soy gay. Y soy vicepresidente de Afirmación. Estoy encantado de estar aquí. Compartiré algunas ideas sobre cómo encontrar la alegría como persona LGBTI.

Most of us grew up having cisgender straight people tell us what our life should look like, what our expectations should be, what they consider a successful life for us. We heard them say how they think queer people should behave and what we should look like. We grow up knowing ourselves through what straight people have told us we should be. It was about making cis straight people comfortable, not about bringing us joy.

La mayoría de nosotros crecimos con personas heterosexuales cisgénero que nos decían cómo debería ser nuestra vida, cuáles deberían ser nuestras expectativas, qué consideran ellos una vida exitosa para nosotros. Les escuchamos decir cómo creen que deberían comportarse las personas queer y cómo deberíamos lucir. Crecemos conociéndonos a nosotros mismos a través de lo que las personas heterosexuales nos han dicho que deberíamos ser. Se trataba de hacer que las personas cis heterosexuales se sintieran cómodas, no de traernos alegría.

The actual journey of an LGBTQ person to self love, to authenticity, is to develop a self image unmediated by straight people's approval. When queer people accept and understand ourselves it opens 1000 doors of possibility

El viaje real de una persona LGBTI hacia el amor propio, hacia la autenticidad, es desarrollar una imagen de sí misma sin la aprobación de las personas heterosexuales. Cuando una persona queer se acepta y se comprende a sí misma, se abren 1000 puertas de posibilidades.

Part of being joyfully authentic is learning to release those expectations for what others say your life should look like and instead figure out what you want your life to be like. For most of us, it’s not until we come out that we get to start figuring out for ourselves how to be queer. It's then that we can start making choices for queer joy instead of straight comfort.

Parte de ser alegremente auténtico es aprender a liberar esas expectativas sobre cómo otros dicen que debería ser tu vida y, en cambio, descubrir cómo quieres que sea tu vida. Para la mayoría de nosotros, no es hasta que salimos del armario que empezamos a descubrir por nosotros mismos cómo ser queer. Es entonces cuando podemos empezar a elegir la alegría queer en lugar de la comodidad heterosexual.

When I was in the closet, I began a blog where I would write about my experiences as a gay Mormon. I wanted to be anonymous so I didn’t use my name, but I had to call the blog something so I named it “Nerdy Gay Mormon.” 

Cuando estaba en el armario, comencé un blog donde escribía sobre mis experiencias como mormón gay. Quería ser anónimo, así que no usé mi nombre, pero tuve que llamar al blog de alguna manera, así que lo llamé "Nerdy Gay Mormon". En español, “Mormón gay ñoño".”

One day a blog post went viral, over 500,000 views. Everyone who knew me recognized me in the story even though it didn’t have my name. Suddenly I was out to everyone in my life. At first it was scary, but soon I was glad to be out because I could start making choices for joy. I remember thinking, “Do I wear the clothes I do because I like them or because they’re what I chose to wear as part of trying to pass as straight?” It was time to become curious about myself, to try new things and discover what I like.

Un día, una publicación de blog se volvió viral y obtuvo más de 500.000 visitas. Todos los que me conocieron me reconocieron en la historia aunque no tenía mi nombre. De repente salí del armario con todos en mi vida. Al principio me dio miedo, pero pronto me alegré porque podía empezar a tomar decisiones con alegría. Recuerdo haber pensado: "¿Uso la ropa que uso porque me gusta o porque es la que elegí usar para tratar de pasar por heterosexual?". Ya era hora de sentir curiosidad por mí mismo, de probar cosas nuevas y descubrir lo que me gusta.

Week by week and month by month I felt my confidence grow. I felt like I was becoming gayer and gayer day by day. It is like feeling your power grow. 

Semana tras semana y mes tras mes sentí que mi confianza crecía. Sentí que me estaba volviendo cada vez más gay día a día. Es como sentir crecer tu poder.

Soon I attended an Affirmation conference and found a community of people who understood me and my experiences. I found my people.

Pronto asistí a una conferencia de Afirmación y encontré una comunidad de personas que me entendían a mí y a mis experiencias. Encontré a mi gente.

Being LGBTQ can and should be easy, but we have the world, church, and your family who may be telling you that you have to be one thing and act a certain way, and nothing else is acceptable. When people say they have a problem with you, they're right, it's THEIR problem and they want to make it YOUR problem. Your spirit is just trying to get you to be yourself.

Ser LGBTI puede y debe ser fácil, pero tenemos al mundo, a la iglesia y a tu familia que pueden estar diciéndote que tienes que ser una cosa y actuar de cierta manera, y que nada más es aceptable. Cuando la gente dice que tiene un problema contigo, tienen razón, es SU problema y quieren convertirlo en TU problema. Tu espíritu sólo está tratando de hacerte ser tú mismo.

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, the ones who are against you are the ones who believe the most in your power. Think on that, you have power. Claim your power. There's a zillion other things someone could be doing with their time, so why are they choosing to spend their precious time on earth to persecute you? It's because you're powerful, they fear your power.

Te contaré un pequeño secreto, los que están en tu contra son los que más creen en tu poder. Piensa en eso, tienes poder. Reclama tu poder. Hay un millón de otras cosas que alguien podría estar haciendo con su tiempo, entonces, ¿por qué eligen gastar su precioso tiempo en la tierra para oponerse a usted? Es porque eres poderoso, temen tu poder.

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. I didn't think I was "powerful," I hid who I was and always worried if people knew the real me that they would reject me. I used to think one day I could get to be somebody. The fact that you and I survived and have made it here, regardless of when you came out or even if you haven't yet fully come out, it's something to be celebrated.

La forma más común en que las personas renuncian a su poder es pensando que no lo tienen. No creía que fuera "poderoso", escondía quién era y siempre me preocupaba que si la gente conocía mi verdadero yo me rechazarían. Solía pensar que algún día podría llegar a ser alguien. El hecho de que tú y yo hayamos sobrevivido y hayamos llegado hasta aquí, independientemente de cuándo saliste o incluso si aún no lo has hecho por completo, es algo que debe celebrarse.

Vincent van Gogh is one of the most famous painters, his works are considered priceless. The thing is, he died broke, only 1 of his paintings is known to have sold during his lifetime, just 4 months before his death .At the conclusion of Vincent's life, people could easily proclaim him a failure. In contrast, we now say he's a stunning success, we proclaim him a visionary, a genius, his paintings rank among the most well known in all the world. Consider this question, at what point should we consider van Gogh successful?

Vincent van Gogh es uno de los pintores más famosos, sus obras se consideran invaluables. La cuestión es que murió arruinado, solo se sabe que una de sus pinturas se vendió durante su vida, solo 4 meses antes de su muerte. Al final de la vida de Vincent, la gente fácilmente podría proclamarlo como un fracaso. Por el contrario, ahora decimos que es un éxito, lo proclamamos un visionario, un genio, sus pinturas se encuentran entre las más conocidas del mundo. Considere esta pregunta: ¿en qué momento deberíamos considerar que Van Gogh tuvo éxito?

I’m going to suggest that he was a success because he was himself, he didn't try to live someone else's life. Being authentic, doing what brought him joy and fulfillment, that made him a success. He was a success the moment he decided this is his life, this is what he wants, this is what he'll work at. Unfortunately, it took the world time to catch up, the world was late. 

Voy a sugerir que tuvo éxito porque era él mismo, no intentó vivir la vida de otra persona. Ser auténtico, hacer lo que le produjo alegría y satisfacción, eso lo convirtió en un éxito. Fue un éxito en el momento en que decidió que esta es su vida, esto es lo que quiere, esto es en lo que trabajará. Desafortunadamente, al mundo le tomó tiempo ponerse al día, el mundo llegó tarde.

You, wanting to be more authentic about who you are and how you experience life, you who are taking steps to bring joy and fulfillment into your life, you're a success. You know how I thought one day I hoped I would get to be somebody? You are somebody NOW. Do not wait for the world to tell you that you are a success, the world is always late. Follow your inner compass, the second you start walking in the direction it's pointing, you're a success. If something unexpectedly brings you joy, follow where it leads.

Tú, que quieres ser más auténtico acerca de quién eres y cómo experimentas la vida, tú que estás tomando medidas para traer alegría y plenitud a tu vida, eres un éxito. ¿Recuerdas que esperaba algún día llegar a ser alguien? Eres alguien AHORA. No esperes a que el mundo te diga que eres un éxito, el mundo siempre llega tarde. Sigue tu brújula interior, en el momento en que comiences a caminar en la dirección que apunta, serás un éxito. Si algo inesperadamente te trae alegría, sigue hacia donde te lleve.

I'm a work in progress. It's been less than 10 years since I fully came out. I'm still working on me. I'm in therapy dealing with the harm that came from believing what others said about queer people, from hiding myself from others and trying to deny this important part of myself. I’ve had to get help for internalized homophobia, low self esteem, social anxiety, and recently for an eating disorder.

Soy un trabajo en progreso. Han pasado menos de 10 años desde que salí del armario por completo. Todavía estoy trabajando en mí. Estoy en terapia lidiando con el daño que me produjo creer lo que otros decían sobre las personas queer, esconderme de los demás y tratar de negar esta parte importante de mí. Tuve que buscar ayuda por homofobia internalizada, baja autoestima, ansiedad social y recientemente por un trastorno alimentario.

It's really difficult to live life at war with yourself. That doesn't bring joy. It's a blessing if we can always be comfortable being ourselves. I'm still working on this. To be joyfully authentic is to accept and love yourself, even the LGBTQ parts which you were taught to hide.

Es realmente difícil vivir la vida en guerra contigo mismo. Eso no trae alegría. Es una bendición si siempre podemos sentirnos cómodos siendo nosotros mismos. Todavía estoy trabajando en esto. Ser alegremente auténtico es aceptarte y amarte a ti mismo, incluso las partes LGBTI que te enseñaron a ocultar.

Most of us in this room are current or former Latter-day Saints, and we are familiar with a verse from the Book of Mormon which says that people are that they might have joy. We exist to have joy! 

La mayoría de nosotros en esta sala somos Santos de los Últimos Días actuales o anteriores, y estamos familiarizados con un versículo del Libro de Mormón que dice que las personas existen para tener gozo. ¡Existimos para tener alegría!

A good life is not out of your reach. A good life will take some effort — but you knew that, right? It may mean changing the expectations for your life and opening the door to possibilities. The important thing is that it's in your control. To be joyfully authentic is a choice, and it's also a journey. The journey is easier when we have a community, like Affirmation.

Una buena vida no está fuera de tu alcance. Una buena vida requiere algo de esfuerzo, pero eso lo sabías, ¿verdad? Puede significar cambiar las expectativas de tu vida y abrir la puerta a posibilidades. Lo importante es que está bajo tu control. Ser alegremente auténtico es una elección y también un viaje. El viaje es más fácil cuando tenemos una comunidad, como Affirmation.

I wish you a joyful journey with many friends.  

Te deseo un viaje alegre con muchos amigos y amigas.

[crookednachogalaxy]

Bowuigi Fanfic List

alrighty, considering that i like reading and re-reading bowuigi fics every once in a while (read: daily), i figure it's about time i curate a lil list of fics i enjoy so i don't have to wade through ao3 everytime i wanna re-read something. and im posting it so that anyone else can enjoy it as well!

i will try to keep it regularly updated, but no promises heh

i want every mentioned author here to know that i absolutely adore your fic(s)!!!!! thank you for putting your creativity out there and sharing the worlds and stories you've created with the rest of us. the amount of joy i feel getting lost in your worlds is indescribable.

kinda goes to show with how long this list ended up being...

disclaimer: these are all fics that i personally enjoy reading. as such, sensitive or triggering topics lirke homophobia, medical trauma, etc. may be a part of certain fics. please always check the tags and read at your own discretion!

One-shots

My Husband, Bowser by LonelyMarowak

Falling in Love by candlelightning (series)

Bowser's Sacrifice by MyHeroZero

Important Gift by DeckofDragons

Castle Surprise by DuxInteritio

Days by Useless19 (series)

Stalemate Series by loudmouthraccoon (series)

Dancing Decisions by DuxInteritio

hot and crispy pill bug. by elastic honey (infernoconcealed)

Dream Sweet, Dream Deep by timeslippingdownyourspine

Bowuigi's Christmas by CircusSparkles

Bowser is Too Big (But Not for Luigi) by ink182

my handsome, my dear by MrsLuigiVargas

Nerdy Robot Fanatic flirts with Lizard King, more at 10 by Royal_Knightmare

Unpredictable by CheeseCakeParty

Lullaby for Junior by Lady_B20

A Quiet Night by DamianTheGamian

Under the Stars by KI56

The Discovery of the Past Shows the Truth by KI56

Love Potion - Bowuigi by trih

The Haunting Princess by Llamaal

Love & Live by soukeye

Princess Luigi by whispersoftheraine

Sleepwalking by wogwoman

Eggs Don't Lie by Llamaal

Unexpected Love by usxuk

Eyes So Bright by BlueBerryOatmeal

Completed Fics

A Love to Die For - How This Love Became by LonelyMarowak

arrivederci by ValentineRunaway

strong and delicate by ValentineRunaway

Share your heart to the Koopa King by BeanieRocket

Secret Admirer by NonbinaryCookie

.:Same Man I Was Before:. by DarkwingSnark

Infiltration of the Heart by VesperOfRoses

When kidnapping goes very very right by TeamRocket9

Why? by AngelXD2

Left Behind by LadyZephyr2019

Captured Luigi Captures Some Attention by Ckatmyla

Bowser's Flower by CherylTiger

A Dream of Sunny Skies by Skippy_Watts

Chained Together by LoveSamanta

Shadows by Dumpsterfiredude

An Egg in a Trying Time by MrsLuigiVargas

Sitting On A Curb by ZoiIsSomehowHere

Going Against the Current by CreativeSnek314

Ongoing Fics

.:Come Be Lonely With Me:. by DarkwingSnark (sequel to .:Same Man I Was Before:.)

it's hard to take a gamble by akiko

It was only a kiss (How did it end up like this?) by Anonymous

True Love's Kiss by Rawrpeep

The Tide of Peace that Brings New Horizons by KI56

Diamond Eyes by AngelXD2

Impurities (Bowser x Luigi) by bowuigiiscannon

Princess Protection Program by TheSilverSpy

Stella Stellina by GimmieSmoreSin

Invasive by batneko

herbes de provence. by elastic honey (infernoconcealed)

The One In the Green Gown by Lady_B20

As Told by Junior by GimmieSmoreSin (my current favourite!)

A New Shade of Green by LuluWolffy

Cooking Mama (Luigi)! by Little_RedHots_Riding_Hood

Lost and found by Vamaji

Strange and Interesting by o_utrecht

The Baddest of the Badlands by supermollio (ngm)

Luigi and the Beast by DracotheDeathEatingCupcake

Super Bowuigi Odyssey by ProtoChan

The Missing Half by MetalProphecies150

How to Take Care of Your Pet Turtle by galactic_goose

A Nutcracker and the Beast by MeiBone

You Can Do It, Bowser! by lexthecryptid

Wishes by Dumpsterfiredude

bad habit by astronout

On hiatus

To Break The Bonds Within Two Kingdoms by MyNameisNickname

Why Him? by Omido

[quitealotofsodapop]

Shihuā probably would have peeled through Guanyin's eyes (if that's something that could be done, idk it seems to imply that even souls already reincarnated can still interact with the world in some way with how the Golden Cicada would guide Tang in the Lantern City or how all of the Pilgrims jsut suddenly appeared as spirits rather than memories when Wukong was rescuing everyone from the Scroll's curse) if she could. Just imagining Shihuā and her mate watching over Wukong through Guanyin, and since Guanyin has reached enlightenment, she probably can recognize when this happens. Crying for Wukong's pain and cheering for his victories, cooing at how he'd care for the baby monkeys. Maybe some of Wukong's more nerdy pursuits (dude is canonically a person who loves to learn) came from his dad? Or his painting skills at least.

Oh yes.

Shíhuā and Yē Lín are able to see much of Wukong's life on the island, given that it's their resting place. And the passed Matriarch has the privilege to see through the eyes of her most recent incarnation - the Bodhisattva Guanyin themselves no matter where they are.

And like with the Golden Cicada's spirit guiding Tang; Shíhuā is able to project herself to the goddess for matters requiring an extra opinion.

So the pair of monkeys are able to share the pains and sorrows and joys that Wukong experiences growing from a cub to a king to a pilgrim to a near-god. And they honestly just want to give him a hug.

They also giggle loudly when their son first meets the little visitor from the lunar realm with six-ears, knowing full well that the flustered stone cubs acted as they did once upon a time.

I love the thought of Wukong coming across his mother's things and seeing that while she had her love of music and fashion (her horde of jade ornaments and bone instruments evidence of that), she was admitedly awful when it came to art.

Wukong finds an art gift the mated pair shared and it looks like that one MLP meme.

Shíhuā, sheepishly: "Oh, your father had always been the better one when it came to visual arts." Yē Lín: "Hard not to when my muse is so beautiful!" Both ghost monkeys: *start nuzzling like newlyweds* Wukong: *covers eyes in embarassment*

Wukong's dad is also super proud and supportive of when he left the island to get an education from Subodhi. Shíhuā points to Wukong's piles of dogearred alchemy textbooks (this monkey had a big nerd moment in JTTW when he had to be a doctor) as evidence that he always had his dad's love of learning new things.

Wukong wonders aloud if his parents' habits rubbed off on his cubs (bio or adopted), only to turn around and see MK covered in chalk and drawing a mural of the Stone Matriach and her Consort from memory on the cave wall.

Yē Lín: "See? It's not only me! Your beauty trancends life itself!" *continues smooching wife* Shíhuā: *loud Wukong-esque snort of laughter!* Wukong: *prays Guanyin comes back soon*

Oh if there's grandbabies? You know them grandbabies getting the ghost equivalent of mini-boss bodyguards. The two monkeys sob over Wukong's cubs, overjoyed that he's able to be there with them when they couldn't for him.

[mrs-g0th1ka]

Dear Reader (Zodiac addition)

✮⋆˙ Hellooo!!! My cute little🦇 bats🦇 ~ I want to try something new. I will be giving a message to each sign that I think best suits them. This will all be in light fun, let's get into it ✮⋆˙

Please remember: What I say may or may NOT apply. Please take what resonates and leave what does not. Thank you♡

࿓࿓༄༄࿓࿓༄༄࿓࿓༄༄࿓࿓༄༄࿓࿓༄༄࿓࿓࿓

Air Signsᯓ★

Libra ⚖

Dear Libras, you have a heart of gold. Sometimes, it gets in your way of growing simply because you see the greater good in most situations. It's okay to let go of what you've outgrown, people, places, and emotions. It's not selfish to think about YOU. At the end of the day, you still matter.

Gemini 𐦍

Dear Gems, you simply are gems. You are so insightful and smart that your minds are constantly on the go. You have big thoughts, and you love to share them. Sadly, this will have people trying to shut you down or out. Stay away from those people. Lean closer to the people who like to teach as well. Be teachable, Gemini. You love to be teachers, but you struggle with being the student (at times).

Aquarius ≈

Dear Aquas, people are going to judge us no matter what. We will always be seen as the black sheep, the weird one, the nerdy one, the socially awkward one, the rebellious one, the cold one, the shy one, the bossy one, the emotionally distant one, Etc. The point is that we are simply all of those things in one body, and that's okay. Being different is okay. Don't be so hard on yourself when others can't see the same vision you see. Just put your actions in motion.

𓆝 ���� 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆟

Water signs ⋆｡𖦹°‧🫧

Cancer ☽

Dear cancers, Please remember that happiness is not a magical destination. You can arrive and end. No emotion exists in one solid place, and no person can stay in the same position forever. With that being said, you mustn't give up hope. You shouldn't stop reaching for joy, but if it leaves, don't convince yourself that it's due to your actions. Life is fickle - you can't change that.

Pisces 𓆛

Dear Pisces, Life is too short to wait around for the right moment. Let now be the time when you jump into new projects headfirst. This is the time to start a hobby or fresh routine and attempt confidence in your work and home life. There are plenty of opportunities for happiness awaiting you. All you have to do is reach out and grab them.

Scorpio ☠︎︎

Dear Scorpios, there's no need to rush. You will have time to do everything you want to do, and if you try to fast forward through the mundane, it will only lead to mistakes. It's a tired phrase, but "Quality over quantity" is something to keep in mind. Focus on each to -do list with patience and care. I promise it won't be like this forever.

♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨

Fire Signs ☄

Leo 𓃬

Dear Leos, the world outside of your windows and walls have been calling to you. It's easy to get caught up in the non -tangible- digital media and relationships and ghost that haunt your subconscious. But there's a natural reset button only steps away. Try to spend more time in nature, and employ your senses and breath in this planet. Your problems will grow smaller in its wake.

Sagittarius જ⁀➴

Dear Sagittarius, You don't need to worry about how others perceive you. It is only the people you choose to cherish that really matter. Your attention tends to linger on the negative. This will result in little room for your heart to bloom. You will be happier and more content if you stop looking for the approval of strangers and begin nurturing compassion for your loved ones.

Aries 𓄃

Dear Aries, When people give you advice, please listen. I know this is a weird piece of advice to receive —"Listen to advice"— but we both know you often disregard others' thoughts when you feel you know better. Hear what your loved ones have to say when you seek them out to vent. They just might have the solution you need.

𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.

Earth Signs°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Capricorn 𓃶

Dear Capricorn, Alone time is more valuable than you realize. Lately, you've found yourself buried in a lot of social activities. You'll be required to put energy into pleasing others, leaving less room for your own self. Make a point to prioritize yourself, even when you're tired and especially when it's hard. Otherwise, you'd be headed towards burnout.

Taurus 𓃾

Dear Taurus, though I know you love the light of a good fire, it's time to stop burning bridges every time things fall apart. You never know when you'll need to reignite a relationship, that professional, personal, or otherwise. Taurus, it's possible to forgive and let go quietly. Your default reaction to interpersonal strife shouldn't be to cut people off completely. You can't live like that.

Virgo ❀

Dear virgos, you must be clear and concise with the people in your life. If you have any issues that need adressing, make sure to state them as clearly as possible . Misunderstanding is inevitable; meanings often become confused in the maze of language,but now more than ever, you must be direct if you want to avoid negative ramifications.

Thank you so much for reading my zodiac yap session!!! This was so fun to do and I hope you guys really enjoyed it, until next time -Gothica♡

[presidentlokis-hornyhelmet]

Could you do a Pav x reader based on "From the start" By laufey TY :3

From The Start

🕸MASTERLIST🕸

A/N: anon, I am so sorry for the delay, I only saw the ask yesterday.. I hope the fic's worth the wait! And, this was a really lovely ask, thank you for requesting!

Pairing: Pavitr Prabhakar x platonic!Reader Tags: Pining, Light Angst, Unrequited Love Summary: What's more painful than pining after a person who will never love you the way you do them is listening to them speak of loving someone else the way you wish they did you.

Also read on AO3

🎶Have to get this off my chest I'm telling you today That when I talk to you, oh, Cupid walks right through And shoots an arrow through my heart And I sound like a loon, but don't you feel it too? Confess I loved you from the start 🎶 'From the Start' by Laufey

It was just the two of you, sitting by the bleachers in what he would often describe as a comfortable silence, but was actually awkward. His hair rustled in the wind and he ran his fingers through to tame his lengthy curls, his chocolate brown eyes finding yours in a quiet gaze. A soft smile graced his lips, his face glowing and in that moment, he looked like an angel.

You wished he'd stop looking at you like that. These soft moments were too much; scarily intimate. You felt like an intruder.

It was no longer a happy feeling, no, it was terrifying.

You noticed his lips move. He'd started speaking.

"...it's just..", Pav sighed, waving his hands around and making little insane gestures, frustrated that he couldn't find the right word to explain. It would've been cute and adorable if it wasn't for the fact that he was talking about Gayatri, his girlfriend.

Pavitr Prabhakar was your favourite person in the world, the one who you loved with all your heart -maybe even more than your life. A shame the sentiment will never be reciprocated. Not the way you wanted.

"She's so beautiful and talented and everything, I... She's, like, the perfect girl to ever exist! And, I'm just a nerdy dude with amazing hair."

You forced out a chuckle at his self-depreciating joke.

And it hurt. It hurt because you longed to be the one that he spoke of so fondly so often. That you aren't the reason behind his sleepless nights, that you won't be the first person to share his grief and joys, that he doesn't see you more than just a friend. That he doesn't love you the way you hopelessly love him.

Days spent just lying on your bed and staring at the ceiling as tears run down your face, dealing with the heartache alone. It drives you insane, having the words at the tip of your tongue that you never seem to be able to get out.

And it's too late now, so you just listen to him as his words make a hammer and shatter your heart to pieces. Maybe you were addicted to it, maybe it was a weird kind of dopamine that had you coming back everytime, revelling in the pain of seeing him fuss over his girlfriend and frustrate to express the depths of his love.

You didn't want to think of it as a betrayal but sometimes your treacherous brain would go down that dark lane. You had been the first to welcome Pav at kindergarten, you were his first friend, first bestie, first one to even know his superhero identity. You were there before Gayatri even came into his life. You loved Gayatri will all your heart too, as any bestfriend would, but sometimes you'd just wish that... that...

You loved him from the start. It should've been you.

But it's not.

It was fine, really. You were used to only getting scraps of attention from your family, it's no big deal. Pavitr was the first person to ever give you more than a minute's worth of attention, and maybe that's why you liked him, but still, it's totally fine that he doesn't do it now. Not as often. But you weren't complaining.

A gentle, warm palm laid on your thigh. "You okay, Y/N?"

He'd grown quiet and noticed you weren't listening.

Words choked your throat.

If there was one thing you hated more than your damned fate, it was lying to Pavitr. But the truth will do no one good. Better to swallow it down and deal with it alone; nothing some crying in the shower can't fix.

You wiped the stray tear that slipped down your eye, moving your hair around to cover it and looked up at him, praying he didn't notice.

"Sorry, I zoned out", you smiled, masking the pain of a thousand arrows being shot through your heart. "I'm okay. You were saying?"

You were okay. You were okay.

If Pavitr noticed anything odd, he didn't mention it. He stared deeply into your eyes and for a second you feared he was looking into your soul and found your pathetic little secret. But he just sighed and shook his head, continuing his rant.

You let his head lay on your lap as he lamented, swallowing down the sob rising in your throat. You may not be able to love him the way you want to, but that isn't to say you can't cherish these little moments alone. Resigning to your fate, you run your fingers through his hair as he goes on with making amusing faces and cute little gestures.

He's not yours, he will never be, but you loved him from the start and weren't going to stop now. Even if it hurt from the start. 

_____

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it! <3 likes and comments are appreciated!

[momojedi]

And so, my teens come to an end. The finale of an era.

To many, this is a big step in life simply because they’re going on to their next decade and finally letting go of what many deem to be the hardest times of their lives. Naturally, it is the same for me.

I was eleven when my life changed for the worse and each year just threw another blow to my face after that. At sixteen, I was at my lowest when I got diagnosed with an incurable neurological condition that made me wheelchair dependent for the rest of my life. I was in the midst of a pandemic lockdown with no one to turn to while I was sent from hospital to hospital and from medical treatment to medical treatment. I was alone and I felt like a labrat.

From then on, it was quite a ride accepting my condition and learning to live with it while also trying to keep up with the world around me. My studies were lacking but I pushed through and despite failing several times, I think I managed quite well so far.

In 2022, I met my lovely boyfriend, my partner, my pookie as you will, who brought a whole new sense of joy into my life and I’m ever so grateful for having been given the chance to meet him.

I met wonderful friends, people who lend me a hand when it’s really tough and naturally I lost some too, maybe for the better, maybe for the worse but I keep pushing through. I was granted back my passions for art, for writing, for imagining and god, am I ever so grateful for that.

Despite being just a franchise, just some media, Star Wars has been a great detail in my journey that’s been a source of comfort ever so often when I just wanted to power off and escape. When the world got too loud, I would flee into a galaxy far, far away and fight battle droids in the clone wars with my clone legion or pilot an x-wing as a rebel against the Empire. Star Wars is my safe space, one that I’m finally brave enough to share without fearing that people might consider me nerdy or weird and it’s truly been a ride so far.

I can’t wait to share my new decade with you all, and I’m so happy you’ve enjoyed my content enough to support me up til now!

Thank you and may the force be with you <3

[hoeforhao]

🪧. ⚜️ Eclipse ⚜️ Prologue // Wonwoo FF//

⸙͎ pairing: dad!wonwoo × fem!reader

⸙͎ synopsis: what happens when you meet your lover from your previous life, except this time he is a dad coupled with zero memories of you two.

⸙͎ genre: heavy angst, some fluff, reminiscing of memories, happy ending?

⸙͎warnings: war trauma, mention of death, ww2 era love, flashbacks, rebirth/reincarnation

⸙͎ word count: 437

⸙͎ author's note: hehe it's finally wonu month as well as mine!!! so this is my special series as a gift for both my and wonu's birthday♡

Lemme know if y'all want a happy ending or sad ending for this.

"Bubbles run fast, why are you tortoising through the hallway hmph" the little ball of joy kept dragging you down the gallery, galloping like an excited baby bunny, eager to introduce her favorite person with her other favorite human, a.k.a her father.

"I'm not an eleven year old, bursting with energy,kiddo like you Elara!!! Please run slow Ms" panting like a dog, you two finally reach the party venue, all decked up in peonies and gilded with stardust.

"There he is" one last swish from El and that's when your entire world stood still. A feline looking man, permed locks cascading down his forehead, face plastered with the biggest smile the world has ever witnessed while his eyes form the perfect cresents on the night sky of his temples.

I mean it's not that unnatural for women to be smitten by such beauty, right? But for you, he wasn't just another random nerdy looking man you've met on the streets, someone straight outta the books. No! H-he... he was your moon, one that eclipsed over your pain, your anger, your flaws and in return made you gleam the brightest in the galaxy.

☆.☆.☆.☆.☆.☆.☆.☆.☆.☆.☆.

"Wonu-yah quick quick close your eyes and make a wish" you tightly press his biceps while bringing both of your palms together to wish upon the falling star.

"Yah silly girl, you know i don't believe in these." a slight mocking smile leaves wonwoo's lips as his lightly pinches your mochi cheeks to break your concentration.

"Yeah yeah sure sure! Why would you even need to wish for something when you have everything" getting up from the boulder you two were sharing and straddling your way through the beachy sand, you stomp away all angry.

"Okay okay I'm sorry bubbles. Tell me what you wished for" a pair of soft yet firm hands entrap your body from behind, while a cute stubby nose rests on your shoulder.

"For you to hold my hand in every universe and lead me through it. For you to always come home to me ; and for you to entwine me in your orbit in every life" single drops of tears making it way down your cheeks as you hold wonwoo's hands in yours. "W-we won't ever part tracks right? I wanna see the beauty of this world with you, enjoy each and every element only if you're there to clasp me into your arms through everything; and then finally bloom together from the soil again."

"You'll always be the star to my moon, darling. Never alone never separated, always shining bright together."

Oh only if they knew....

[revasserium]

a rumination on falling in love; aka the terrifying and strange reality of "dream girl" becoming "real girl"

or, what happens when an only child who has only ever loved in fiction falls in love in real life instead

this is not for you. unless, of course. you, like me, have felt like this before. which is to say, this might be for you. but it most definitely is, 100%, for me. so read on if you'd like. or, close out and move right along.

i am very lucky, i think, to have had the childhood that i had -- only child, two loving parents. but not only that, two loving parents who were good at loving and also good at parenting (which are two very distinct and different things and somehow, at least in my semi-limited exposure to people around my age, is becoming rarer and rarer these days). i am lucky to have been allowed to grow as i have -- to never question that i am loved, unconditionally and endlessly, to never question whether or not i have something -- because of course it's mine -- i've got no siblings to have to share anything with.

now, to some, that might be a sad, lonely thing, but i never thought about it that way. because i was never taught to think about it that way. and contrary to popular belief, it hasn't made me (or at least so i think) stingy or "bad at sharing" -- it's actually made me rather an over-sharer. i always have snacks at the office, i try to offer advice freely, i spot dinners/outings when i can, i like the joy it brings to share things not only to the people being shared with, but also to me -- the person doing the sharing.

but the double-edged sword of only-child-dom in upper-middle class america is time -- the huge, gaping excess of it, giant swaths of it after school, great big chunks of it on the weekends, the seemingly unbridgeable chasm between turning off the light and falling asleep. later, i'd learn that undiagnosed adhd and very high performing manic depression are to blame for most of my vibrating sense of need to fill every hour of every day with some kind of productivity (this, unironically, is why i love new york city -- the frenetic energy of it matches my mental wavelength so that i can feel "productive" even when i'm just walking down the street or sitting in a bar).

but back then, i -- and by extension my lovely parents -- tried to fill it with stuff -- 2 different art classes, ballet, swimming, piano, debate club, singing, chinese school, and of course, with my still yet unfilled hours -- reading and writing. to say i was raised by the books i read would be an understatement. to say i am nothing more than a massive conglomerate of those characters that resonated most with me in those books would be parenthetical to the fact that i'm also built by all those characters i've ever admired or wanted to be. i am, in the most cliche, literal, non-lampshaded sense "that nerdy book girl" who made it her entire fucking personality to be... that nerdy book girl. and this, amidst the stratospheric rise of "not like other girls" media and rhetoric -- it was not healthy (it still isn't), but it was a large part of who i was. and a lingering part of who i am today.

my overactive, adhd-driven imagination served me well, then. into the stories i delved, and what i couldn't find in my normal every day life, i found in narrative. long before the tiktok-ification of "book boyfriends" came the voices in my head that sounded like all the would-be book boyfriends i'd ever have -- everyone from edward cullen to kakashi to four (that one guy from divergent who only has like 4 fears, which in retrospect is so, so cringe, but alas) to fictionalized versions of one direction members. the list goes on. i used to be able to hold entire conversations, play out entire scenes with these mental constructs with impudent ease. spend hours in my room by myself just imagining.

it was like astral projection -- my body, here, my mind and my soul, somewhere else entirely. and this i believe (to this day) is the core of a lot of my writing and creativity. and also the core of a lot of my philosophies and beliefs. the ability to sink into a dream, a scene, a story.

and then. i fell in love.

and sure, it would be much too cliche to say that misery breeds good art so a happy artist would (at best) produce mediocre art/writing/whatever. because i've also seen fantastic art produced by very, very happy artists. the sad truth is only that it's much rarer than the alternative of the painfully mainstream tortured artist.

but to some degree, i think there's an inkling of truth in that saying. because having a real-life boyfriend, with all the real-life machinations and strings of having said real-life boyfriend has made it, somehow, much harder to access that old imaginary part of me. like a child growing up and losing the ability to "make believe" the way they used to. except, i know it's still there. there are still moments where i touch it, where i dip my toes in and it always feels like coming home.

and it's more than just the normal adult-ish responsibilities of going to work and paying bills, making dinner and shopping for groceries. doing laundry and investing in your roth ira. because before real-life boyfriend, i still did those things and i was still able to seamlessly get to that "elsewhere place". somehow, it is the physical presence of real-life boyfriend that seems to act as a "grounding agent". he is home, so i can't go to that other place. or, i can kind of get there, but i've always still got one foot steeped in reality.

it is not a necessarily good or bad thing, just an observation at most. but it does create this new "space" for the "want" of that elsewhere. for the want to being able to slip into that creative asphodel like i used to -- blink and i'm there. so i find myself often sitting at my desk, wishing, and then wondering what it means that i can't. that it isn't always and immediately accessible to me anymore.

perhaps absolute solitude was the unquestioned prerequisite for so long that i'd never noticed it until the solitude was no longer available to me. or perhaps the book-boyfriends are just shy creatures, afraid of the blaring daylight that real-life boyfriend might shed on their ultimate two-dimensional beings.

or perhaps that was always a "safe space" that i'd created for myself, and now real-life boyfriend has created a safe space for me too, and the venne-diagram of the two space spaces overlap just so, making a less singular space of each of them in turn. i don't know, but it's an interesting thought.

it's always struck me, now thinking back, that i've never been even remotely interested in having a real-life relationship before now. but that i've also never questioned if i wanted the current one that i'm in, if this was "the one" or if it was "good for me". and in that too, i know i am very lucky. few people can say that they struck gold the first time they've ever tried.

i know for a fact i wouldn't be this happy, have this good of a life if real-life boyfriend weren't here. he has made me better in ways that i do not have words to describe. but i'm also terrified of the earthen grounding-ness of him. i've spent my entire childhood and most of my adult life with my head in the clouds, taking the necessary trips back down to earth when i had to but... it feels strange to be "here" more and more. there's a hole inside of me where "that" heaven should be.

but two things can be true -- i am happy here; i still yearn for that elsewhere.