#so i thought- at the very least writing a switched version could help me get a good grip on waynes character! ^^

[slashingdisneypasta]

Jim Bickerman + Wayne Jackson *Separately* x Reader || Drabble Set

Plot: This is a Vs set. Its Jim calling you to go check your dumbass ex (Wayne) out of the hospital Vs Wayne calling you to go check your dumbass ex (Jim) out of the hospital.

*Bickerman Twins AU.

Warnings: Sexual references in Drabble #2. Movie spoilers? These are both set post-movie (Final Chapter for Jim).

Jim calling you to go check your dumbass ex (Wayne) out of the hospital:

"-Y'ello?" You ask quickly, tucking the phone between your shoulder and your ear as you awkwardly unlock your front door and slip into your apartment; chucking your keys onto the coffee table and flopping into the couch to rest as soon as you make it inside. My god you had a long day. You just want to lay down, put on a true crime doc and order pizza the rest of the night.

"Hey, s'this Y/N?"

"Yes," you sigh, leaning up off the cushions and reaching for the TV remote set on the counter. "Who's this?" The voice is quiet and tinny; there's very terrible reception wherever they are, thats for sure.

"Hey, there, Y/N its Jim."

Immediately you drop the remote and straighten your spine; going into serious mode. "Oh. What is it?"

"Well thats not a nice tone."

"You never call with good news. Where's Wayne?" Usually he's in jail again, or he needs money. Its one of the two, and you always have to go and get him. The cops always call his brother- but Jim calls and brushes off the responsibility onto you. Every time.

Which is ridiculous, considering you aren't even with Wayne, anymore. Thats what friggen breaking up means!- you don't have to deal with the restless old bastards crap, anymore!

Or at least thats what you thought- before you met these people.

"Yeahhhh, thats actually what I wanted t' call, about... "

"Why, I'm shocked." You huff, shaking your head and kicking off your work shoes before getting up to put on comfier ones- sneakers. Once again you tuck the phone in between your ear and your shoulder as you tie them up. "So, what's wrong; where is he?"

"Wayne's, uh- well, he's- he's-- He's in the hospital." Any frustration you were feeling slips away from you like smoke through your fingers, your heart thudding in your chest. He's where!?- "I haven't been by, but I've been told its lookin' pretty bad. Got hit in the head with somethin- 'nd they thought he was already dead, apparently." When Jim doesn't hear a word come from your end of the phone for a few too many moments (You wouldn't be surprised if he could hear your heart beating so loudly, though. You can sure hear it hot in your ears), he has the good sense at least to employ a tiny bit of tact. "... but, uhhh- I'm sure he'll be fine,.. We uh- we Bickerman's are a tad stubborn, so... "

Finally, you gather your wits about you once again and take a deep breath, nodding and grabbing a notepad and pen off the coffee table by the remote. You may not be with Wayne anymore, but- "Thanks Jim. What hospital? I'm going right now." But if he needs you, you have to be there. You really liked (loved) the rowdy old bastard once, after all, and you like to pretend you're over it, but-

After he gives you the address, and before you have a chance to hang up (Leaving Jim to go right back to hunting whatever expensive endangered wildlife in the middle of nowhere that he's definitely not supposed to be hunting), he pipes up again real quick. You're not really listening though, already configuring in your head the rout you're going to have to take to get to this hospital. How long is going to take? Can you call the hospital on the way?? Oh, shoot, you're not his emergency contact anymore- "And hey- I promise, next time I'll call for a nice reason. Hm?~"

"Oh, sure." You roll your eyes sarcastically, hanging up and shaking your head. Most of the time you think Jim's the slightly better brother- then he says something like that and you remember they're not that different. Wayne's just more upfront about it.

After switching coats, you head right back out your front door that you just came through and down to your car again.

But- maybe you aren't as over it as you like to think you are.

Wayne calling you to go check your dumbass ex (Jim) out of the hospital:

"This is Y/N! Make it succinct and if at all possible make it chipper, I'm about to get on a bus and go to work." You quip, answering your phone with a cheery voice which should not be possible on this frosty 6am morning- but hey, its a wonder what you can accomplish after a g i a n t coffee with 6 sugars and 3 marshmallows.

"Well hey there, Y/N~ You still taken the bus? Y'know I could give ya a ride if you want~ "

As soon as you hear that bastard's voice on the other end you take the phone away from your ear and hang up- because nope. No. You do not need to be sexually harassed by Wayne Jackson today; no amount of pink marshmallows covered in coffee will make that fun for you.

'we're twins, we've got the same equipment you know' oh har har har. You roll your eyes upwards, before shaking yourself of the memory. You didn't have to put up with that when you were with Jim- and you certainly don't have to, now. Didnt he get the news?? You're done. Its done. Its been done for 3 weeks now.

And its been hard! You loved Jim, so- yes. Its been hard. But even so, you know that you made the right decision in leaving, you're s u r e, but the absolute LAST thing you need is Wayne dumping an extra pile of crap on you for you to deal with! No thank you!

-your phone is ringing again, goddamnit.

"Ughhhhhh," You pick it up, pressing the screen to your ear and snapping an irritable "What!?" into the reciever.

"Alright alright alright- don't hang up on me again, huh? I got news."

"Is it that you're moving to Australia and losing my number that you stole out of Jim's phone?? Because- great."

"Not exactly... " You can picture him scratching his beard, and roll your eyes. Can he hurry up?? Your bus is a few minutes away and you'd rather not be talking to him where early morning commuters can hear you- those poor sods don't deserve to hear the foul things that are destined to come out of your mouth all depending on where he goes with this. "Uh- my brother is... "

"Your brother is what? The better Bickerman son? Yes, we can agree, though we all know Nathan takes home the trophy. Can we hang up now?- "

"He's in some bad shape." ... Your brain stops working for a moment. What? "I got a call from a hospital back in Maine and, well," A chuckle reverberates through the phone connection and you're not sure whether its just nervous or he's really that horrible, but either way- it makes you feel sick. "Sounds like people might finally be able to tell us apart. I'll be the handsome one~ I figured you might like to know 'bout it."

... Slowly, you step back from the bus stop, forgetting your urgency to catch this bus and get to work. Your head is swimming. What happened?? Maine??? Thats where Delores lived, and- got eaten by- "... what hospital?"

"Oh, you're gonna go visit? How sweet~ And here I thought you left him and I finally had a shot here~ "

"Wayne."

"... "

"Wayne!"

"Fine, fine, fine. Its- "

As soon as the name of the hospital is out of his mouth, you hang up, block the number and order an uber.

[dazed-19]

based on @havanillas role swap au

normal ratio and gambler ratio switch places :3

probably gonna write this out when i finish up my argenthill fic

dr.kakavasha is suspicious of “Lapis” but chalks it up to him being weirder than usual

ratio actually understands what’s going on and tries to play the role of Lapis. he hypothesized that aven probably took his place in this universe but when he sees dr.kakavasha he freezes up and almost reveals himself.

when dr. kakavasha actually has a meeting with veritas (by force not choice, more contrast between the characters hahaahha) he realizes its not Lapis and threatens veritas.

“You’ve done your research, you know that this stoneheart’s real name is veritas ratio, but it seems you somehow haven’t caught wind of who he is now. I suggest you reveal yourself so you can lessen your punishment. Impersonation of a stoneheart is strictly forbidden.”

Ratio being ratio, uses his wits to convince dr.kakavasha. He understands that since Dr. Kakavasha is similar to himself, he should see his reasoning. Dr. Kakavasha is surprised at first, but after he learns of what Ratio’s universe is like he obliges and helps Ratio figure a way back home. All the while asking Ratio questions about himself as he finally has a chance to see who the Veritas Ratio he heard so much about while studying was like before he turned into Lapis. He does this to also understand Lapis better, because he wants to know what was the difference and why they became so different. He also is very surprised when veritas whips out his abalasor head because what the fuck?? when they’re alone together ratio uses it when he’s deep in thought because while this is kakavasha, he isn’t his.

aventurine immediately realizes it’s not his doctor bc while Lapis understands what’s going on, he dreads having to be veritas ratio again. so he disappears (as best as he can) as he knows his counterpart will find a way to fix this. aven being aven finds Lapis (he’s lucky ofc he’s gonna find him) and is surprised to see how different Lapis is from veritas and makes note of how much nous’ gaze really impacted the both of them. (if aven already knows that ratio never received nous’ gaze make it so that he realizes how much it matters as well. idk if aven actually knows this so that’s why we gotta research.) he also invites Lapis to stay with him bc Lapis has been staying at a run down hotel with a casino. aven invites him also because he wants to understand veritas more so if he learns more about Lapis, veritas’ opposite but still similar, he’ll be able to figure veritas out. and also because he wants to find out how to get his doctor back. Safe to say he is SHOCKED when Lapis is almost exactly like himself. He knows he shouldn’t be surprised since Lapis already explained what was going on, but he’s still surprised. While he would love to see a version of Ratio gamble and win 10 times in a row, he knows that his Doctor would hate to see his reputation ruined and to be thought of as a gambling addict so he makes sure that Lapis stops before things get even crazier. He opts to let Lapis gamble with himself to at least keep him entertained. Also while Aven originally let Lapis stay so they could find out how set things right, he is again shocked when Lapis slacks off and almost never touches a single book or article about dimensional travel.

“Lapis, I hope you know that while I enjoy winning against you when we gamble,” Aven stated. He wanted to get a start on how to get his doctor back, and Ra- Lapis, had done as much as spending two seconds reading a book. He took a breath, “That’s not why I invited you to stay with me.”

“I am aware, however I’m sure your Ratio is on his way to figure out whatever happened. He’s honestly probably working with my little doctor hah. Oh how I wish I could’ve seen Dr. Kakavasha’s face when he realized it wasn’t me.”

Aventurine froze. “Sorry, Kakavasha?” Lapis looked at him for a moment. And then laughed.

“Oh right, hah. Here you’re not called by your birth name since your a stoneheart. I keep forgetting that, sorry Aventurine.”

Also there’s probably one moment where Aven finds Lapis drunk and there’s a reference to the comic the artist made.

“Lapis stared into Aventurine’s eyes. Like he was lost in them. It seemed as though he could stare into those multicolored eyes forever.

“Lapis, my friend, its about time we head back no? I’m sure you’ll regret not drinking any water tomorrow so-“

“They’re beautiful.”

“…What?”

“Those eyes.” He pauses, taking another moment to stare before he dons a smile too wide for the face Aventurine has come to know. “Hah its just like what happened last time I drank this much.” The blonde’s eyes widen into saucers. The sharp inhale he does does nothing to calm himself down.

“Haha, is- is that so?”

“Quite. It's most likely the one constant throughout the universe. Your eyes will always be pretty, and they will always make me yearn.” Lapis whispers the end of that sentence, like if he says it any louder this moment will shatter into a million pieces, like a mirror.”

[tmntxthings]

I watched it 🤭🙌🐢💜❤️💙🧡

so good! so cute!!! spoilers below the cut ↓

soooooo I really really really enjoyed how much effort they put into making them like sad about their circumstances, the reality of it all, being a mutant and wanting to be accepted by humans,

Splinter not being a human to begin with but just a rat and quite frankly traumatized by humans all his life so very distrustful and doesn’t want his sons going through that or getting killed, and what tops the cake is that he actually tried to go out on his own with the tots, only to be instantly turned on, which just solidified the fear! even though he wasn’t just a rat anymore he was still cast out, still shunned!

but the turtles were too young to really remember that so they had endless hope, at least Mikey, Donnie, and Raph, kinda sorta Leo especially when April came onto the scene 🤭

WHICH SPEAKING OF THAT! Idk how I feel, super cute, Leo liking April instantly reminded me so much of 2k12 Donnie maybe a less intense version, all the scenes where romance was implied wasn’t so heavy (maybe slightly cringe) but still had me smiling so I guess I’m for it????? Still need to think on it more, overall my thoughts are : cute ✨ Leo was just being so cute 💀

THE BROTHERS WERE DRAGGING HIM OUT THO, like practically the whole first half of the movie, which is typical for tmnt, but gah damn 😂 it was so apparent when just Donnie, Mikey, and Raph would group up/link up, because Leo would constantly “rat” them out to the rat! Super different vibes from rise!leo for sure, that was kinda switched where Mikey was the one who couldn’t really lie… and it wasn’t about lying per say, just Leo being a pleaser? or a good kid? or wanting to do the right thing??? maybe that’s all the same thing as not wanting to lie 😂

anyhow, my favorite part had to be the very first fight scene the bros go into! Leo springing into action, being the one to propel his brothers into danger all because he wanted to help April (again so cute) get her scooter back! Technically their fault too! Anyhow they were getting whooped but also holding their own simultaneously, and just thinking quickly on their feet and helping each other out, it was all pretty intense and very stressful like where Mikey almost got run over twice 😨 I was like oml someone do SOMETHING!!!!! Thankfully we got big bro Raph, always coming in clutch! But yeah I just really enjoyed the first fight and them coming out on top! And right after being accepted by their first human aka April O’Neil!!!!!!!!! :D

There’s so much more to say, I could quite literally write down everything that happened in words but not gonna go there 💀💀 anyone wanna just gush about the movie?!? What was your favorite part??! What do you guys think about Leo x April???

AND THE SEQUEL WITH SHREDDER 🤩🤩🤩

Do we have a date yet??? Oml so flippin’ excited that we have confirmed more content on the way!!!

Someone, anyone, TALK TO MEEEEEEEE 💞🤗😚

[vaguely-concerned]

I wanted to write out a more condensed version of the Garashir thoughts I accumulated through my read of a stitch in time, because it really is driving me slightly nuts. so here we go!

I think my basic takeaway is something like: if you look at what's actually on the page as dialogue and not just the story garak tells himself internally of what has happened between them (which is basically 'I've fucked up somehow and I don't know how or why but something's broken here and I messed it up; I have nothing left of interest to offer him', pretty clearly going over it in his head like he would trying to figure out what he did wrong when tain locked him in a closet as a child), you kind of get the feeling that julian doesn't know what to do with the way garak flinches away from him whenever he tries to get closer or offer help. (which like. not for nothing but that's actually the dynamic between garak and mila too, but with garak's role switched to the mostly-resigned seeker of contact rather than the flincher-away. we all know garak’s daddy issues but I think the mommy issues at work are doing some gulf stream shit under the surface as well lol.) so julian starts hesitating in seeking out contact in the first place, nevermind asking him for anything more when garak's also clearly falling apart mentally and seems unreachable in the first place. and Julian also doesn't want to mess this up and make something already fraught and painful even worse; he still wants to help! he always wants to help, that’s just who he is, he keeps trying through the whole book. and when garak mostly-gently but reflexively and firmly rebuffs him each time he tries… after a while it seems like he doesn't think he's welcome, or that he's imposing and garak doesn't really want him there — that he's just humoring him or something when he does let him in, just like garak was so afraid palandine was doing with him in the beginning. it’s only in the final scene between them that garak invites him in and asks for help on his own initiative. 

“I’m pleased you stopped by”/”No, you’re not,” he said quietly. ‘I really won’t take up any more of your time’. “You see, this is so difficult, Garak. I know what a private person you are, and how you detest people meddling in your affairs….”. “Your holosuite program. The one that allows me to visit the traumas of my childhood.”/“I hesitate to suggest this, remembering how you reacted the last time … but, yes, I feel it could make a difference,” the Doctor gamely admitted. (Julian I love you so much. Eternal optimist hours. Keep it up it’s going to get you spectacularly laid if you just get on that shuttle to Cardassia.) All these moments do not read to me as someone who has no interest in continuing or deepening this relationship (maybe the opposite, in fact), it gives me more the sense of someone who feels he keeps putting his foot in his mouth and making the damage worse no matter what he tries, and not knowing what else to do but to back off to save them both more pain. (he also needs help and support, but he’s not going to go ask it of someone who’s clearly in no position to give it (on account of visibly falling apart even more than usual). And also because the good doctor is such a hypocrite lol ‘of course you’re worth asking for and receiving help!! I’m just fine tho don’t worry about me *light is slowly dying in his eyes behind the smile as the seasons go on*’. Stiff upper lip to the point of psychological breakdown-off (cross-cultural, competitive))  

and the most painful thing to me is that after their disastrous tea party in garak’s shop, at the very least, garak clearly realizes he's hurting julian by keeping him out (But as to the question of which group suffers the most…), and he desperately wants to stop hurting him but he just doesn't know how!!! he's never learned how to close the distance! he's been locked completely into himself by the way tain shaped him and doesn't know how to get out of the closet so to speak yet! ('...am I not. *supposed* to pretend to be functional and have no needs. is that not like. my entire job interpersonally. I am confused.') it’s something Tolan already observes in him and grieves over when he comes home from Bamarren, and the years since have uh not helped with that particular problem lol. for all he longs for it, intimacy is like a hot stove to him; he can’t help but reach out, and he can’t help but flinch away when he actually comes into contact with it. almost the worst part is that I think Julian can tell some of that too and sort of understands it/doesn't hold it against him, and it just makes it even sadder, somehow. they both move so carefully around each other through this, because even in the middle of all that they really do try to be kind to each other the best they know how and it fucks me up so bad. which makes it even crazier and more touching that all of asit is basically garak processing his shit until he can get to the last line honestly — 'You're always welcome, Doctor'. he pulled a full lizardly mr darcy in the post-apocalypse here, he got around to starting to fix himself at least partly to be in a place where he could be able to meet Julian in the ways he needs if he wants that from him. And that drives me utterly insane thanks for asking!!! WILD BOOK COMPLETELY UNHINGED 300+ PAGE DECLARATION OF LOVE AND INTIMACY WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

(this post started life as a tag ramble under @spocks-kaathyra‘s wonderful post about Julian’s side of it over here, but — as I’m sure you'll be astonished to learn at this point — I found I somehow had even more things to say, my neurons boileth over perpetually and it seems I just have to live with that)

[powluna]

Hello, I absolutely adore the clothing you make for children, infants, toddlers, they are so cute!

However, I am aware of the fact that you do post your CC on Curseforge in addition to your own website and Patreon and given that the company that owns Curseforge, is them is an Israeli company that did a crowdfunding campaign for the IDF which supports the ongoing genocide against Palestinians, I want to ask if you could remove your downloads from Curseforge entirely. I hope this doesn't come off as demanding or aggressive in any way, but by divesting from Curseforge, we also divest from Israel's economy completely and perhaps it seems small in comparison, but it would be a small way to show support for Palestine. Thank you for listening, and again, I hope I don't come off as impolite in any way.

Hello to anon and everyone who might have been waiting for a response from me. I want to thank you for treating me with respect and that I have not (yet) received any threatening messages or similar. It is very difficult for me to write the following message in my native language, let alone post a translated version of it. Everything I write here comes from the heart and merely describes my personal situation.

First of all, I want to express that I, personally, and my internet persona "PowLuna" in no way stand for oppression, violence, exclusion, or worse. The situation has certainly not passed me by—quite the opposite. The discourse on the topic has caused me to engage deeply with the subject, keep myself regularly updated, and talk a lot about it in my personal environment, educating others. Due to experiences I had as a teenager, I no longer express my opinions regarding a lot of topics on the internet. However, I must do so now because it is very important to me and it currently affects my daily life significantly in terms of depression and existential fears.

I want to express my sorrow for all the suffering that people in Gaza and all Palastinians endure daily. The things one encounters on the internet are cruel and heartbreaking, and denying that something terrible is happening there is wrong. I feel the same about all atrocities happening anywhere in the world, whether far away or in my neighborhood. I hope every day for peace throughout the world. A utopian wish, I know.

Now to what might be controversial: I will not participate in the boycott against CurseForge. At least not as far as requested. I no longer actively promote the links for it; that was a kind of compromise I could make. You can judge me for this or not. But let me first describe my situation. I believe that pressuring individual small creators is not the right way in this situation, as you can never guess who is behind the internet personas and what stories they carry with them.

I come from a family that has always lived in poverty. After finishing school and completing an apprenticeship, I thought about studying so that I could do more with my potential. I moved away for my studies and had to stand completely on my own feet. I had saved a little money. For the rest of the support and because a part-time job would have hindered my ability to perform well, I applied for financial aid from the state. This is possible here in Germany. I can keep half of the money, and the other half I have to pay back after my studies. All well and good. While studying, I found a great interest in creating custom content and sharing it with others. I taught myself more and more skills and gradually shared them with others because I really enjoy to help people.

In 2022, I decided to make money with what I do. So, I had to register a business. That's mandatory here. I started with Patreon, where I gathered some subscribers who believed in my potential from the start, for which I am very grateful. I always appeal to the good in people, worked "hard," uploaded more and more stuff to convince people, and get more voluntary subscribers. This didn’t work out as expected. So, I switched to an early access model, which actually brought more subscribers, but I wasn't really happy with it, so I moved away from it a few months later. I lost more and more subs over time, while still giving the same effort as before.

Shortly after, I was invited to the CurseForge project, to which I confidently agreed because I already knew CurseForge and saw a lot of potential for the Sims area. I also find the platform really good and many changes I wished for were implemented. And yes, CurseForge has given me a steady income since then, sometimes more, sometimes less, but still far from what I made with voluntary subscribers on Patreon. I felt really proud because I suddenly earned good money with something I am passionate about. And I did it all by myself!

But this income brought new obligations: I have to pay taxes. Additionally, I no longer receive financial support from the state and won't be able to get it again.

The whole discourse has shown me that self-employment always carries a risk when you rely on a platform, so I switched back to the Patreon early access model for more security. However, I still can't live off that alone. Therefore, I continue to host my creations on CurseForge. Considering their statement from a few months ago and because I believe in the good in people, I don't see a problem with it. Of course, the economic aspect plays a role, but I am also not "clean" when I pay my taxes here in Germany, which are then used for the same purpose.

To demand that I delete all my stuff means taking away my livelihood and existence. I don't think that's fair. And yes, I know this is privileged, and my fears are not comparable to the fears of people in Gaza. Never.

All this does not mean that I am indifferent. As I said, I talk to other people about the topic, I inform myself, and as soon as I am able and have saved some money, I want to support the children in the region with donations. This has always been my approach to conflicts and crises around the world.

It is important to keep talking about the topic so that hopefully, one day, it will reach the people who can put an end to the horror.

Thank you for reading. If anything is unclear, please feel free to ask.

PowLuna

[katyspersonal]

In today's SoTE progress: ARRRGHHH I am SO goddamn angry!!!! Gfhghmjm But also I am thinking about Messmer and Marika a LOT now.

1) So, I was getting mentally prepared for going to battle Messmer, and decided to visit just one last piece of fort associated with his location!

^ This shield was dropped by a Black Knight Garrew that acted like a boss but was no harder than a regular enemy. He was using a Crucible aspect that gave him chameleon's shooting tongue to attack with and I hoped he'd drop it instead hfhghgj I'm gonna assume it was somewhere in the game and I just missed it for a dumb reason :pensive:

^ A valid reference in case if anyone will want to draw/write certain grim scenes in detail or something like that

2) There was also a fairly well-hidden secret that I felt proud of discovering, but it was just a stronger version of the talisman that makes arrows stronger! And not only I don't use bows, but also it didn't even give lore! Goddamn it Fromsoft reward me with INFORMATION for my explorer's interest!!

3) Okayyyy sooo :/ I was soooo ready to get my ass kicked by Messmer that I kinda dreaded it, but needed to get this over with! Alas, DLC should end sooner or later...

And at first, I did get my ass kicked, sure. But..... ...not only he switched to the second phase halfway through his health bar and not after it was fully reduced like I expected.. but also I adopted OBNOXIOUSLY fast. :/ :/ :/ It didn't take me EVEN 15 MINUTES to fully adapt to him and just get closer and closer with every try. And!! I did kill him? Like are you JOKING. Are you KIDDING me. That was IT? It took me several days and tormenting @fantomette22 for useless tries to finally defeat Rellana, I had to try many strategies and be extremely smart and inventive with her!! I thought if she was so strong, Messmer would have been even WORSE, and yet I am just sitting here like:

Dude yeah no SHIT you needed Rellana to protect you :/ Guess I was not impressed by 18 inches of Messmer the Impaler 😔😔😔

4) Okay but I DID like his voice acting a lot hfhgv I was just sitting there like "stop sounding sexy you dunce, I already decided that I'm going to dislike you!" XD /j

5) His final words were "Mother... Marika... A curse... upon thee..." and.. hell if I know whether he cursed us or her. I am assuming he cursed her since switching to calling your parent by name instead is a kind of strong sentiment. Like defying them their status over you sort of. Besides all the statues of her in Shadow Realm but one being headless. So... yes, interesting.

6) It was not patched out btw! :>

7) Okay actually when I was about to beat Messmer's ass for good I've accidentally found the summon sign for Hornsent NPC! I was not seeing it during the fight, just happened to run into it, and if Igon taught me anything is that such summons are a good idea because they progress the questline. Maybe. So, he gave a dialogue after Messmer was defeated:

"We meet again I see, comrade-in-arms. Upon his end, did you see Messmer's face? Twas sublime - a very tangle of snakes! To think he dared to call us savages. When he himself was most base of all.

To say the least, I am to you indebted. Yet unquenched remains my thirst for revenge. The death of Messmer was merely the start. Now comes the piper to collect from Marika, her offspring, and all the Erdtree's denizens... In vengeance for the flames, my blade I wield... If Miquella's redemption soothes the ache... that throbs within, demanding blessed vengeance... Then I wish not to be by him redeemed."

Sigh... I just can tell that the guy will have to turn on us sooner or later. Honestly, rejection of anything that could help/heal/etc the pain that demands revenge is such a... real reaction? He is a very real character. He straight up doesn't want to stop even after achieving his objective and himself, ironically, fell for the path of punishing every associate including innocent people whose only sin is being "born in this culture". He became like Marika in this regards!

Honestly, this is a very good writing moment! Second favourite after Miyazaki's jab at horrors of believing in "sacred mission" in Crusader's Insignia! (I like the character even more now for very real negative character development, but I just can TELL we'll have to kill him gfhhgg)

8) .... ah, right, I forgot this post about Messmer

Again: hatred like what? Hatred coming from Abyss Serpent? His hatred for Marika? Hatred for all divested of her grace? Hatred for himself? Is this many things? Fromsoft spare me I am too autistic to read hfggjhgjgb

9) This is actually sweet:

So, the snakes were friends all along, and I suppose the counterparts/antagonists to the "evil" serpent within him!

10) *points at this like in the meme* Hey I remember that this bit was mistranslated! XD

It actually says that he did that for his mother's sake, and not by her wish! It makes even more sense with the following sentence, as if HE really wished for no single mfer to look weird at her. No, as if he INSISTED to accept all blame and hatred. Considering he curses her in his dying breath, after all (or at least calls her name which is a bad sign from a child), there must have been such a long build-up of unhealthy relationship between them to it...

He not only wished to keep her away from all fear and hatred that follows, and fulfill her vengeful desires, but also basically said to use him like a punching bag. But if she feared the curse within him in the end, then SHE is to blame that he gave up on any and all hope to be pure, good and loved. Like.. whose fault do you guys think it IS that his self-image centered entirely on being fear and dread, as well as someone to hate? I have an impression that he did want to take the blame and excile for her sake, but also resented that she actually accepted his request to use him. Like.. maybe he didn't even realize that what he, subconsciously, wanted was for her to refuse. I might be speaking from too much personal experience, but sending such mixed signals (requesting something with expectation that the person will refuse) is a sign of bad parenting at least, abuse at most. And knowing Marika's horrid parenting skills... yeeeeah.

Again, really good writing. They are saying so much with so little, as always. Glad that Mister Miyazaki keeps the mark with his stories only being readable if you have at least one PTSD ggbhjghbb

11) I have a bad guess that they did not elaborate on what exactly Abyss Serpent is, otherwise @val-of-the-north would've already spoilered me because we love worldbuilding xd

But seeing how Marika Had a Moment about Giants' Fire all because it's capable of burning the Erdtree, the reason is probably similar. She I with Fire like Gwyn is with darkness: it can end her era, maybe end herself, so it is terrifying.

At the same time, she was trying to love her children, at least at first. She created this eye for Messmer and created a lot of Divine Blessings to ease his burdens in the past. Then there were Omen Twins that she yet named with her initials and at least Godfrey and Godwyn were seeing them, although horned creatures would be her worst nightmare. I feel like the pipeline from this to "children become kings or lords or else you'll only be worthy of sacrifices" + "unwanted bastard in Mausoleum" was a long one. She tried to love even the children that were either a walking hazard or walking PTSD, but failing to overcome fear before Messmer set her down the spiral. God, I can see all of her snapping if Messmer asked too many questions, accidentally acting hostile if he tried to be physically affectionate unable to conceal her fear fast enough... She would not be the type to try again with anyone after casting him aside in the end, but, she would take the passive position of "kids, prove me that you deserve my love because ME putting in effort won't avail anything, apparently". The guilt but one that made a quitter rather than a better person.

12) Also *points like in the meme again*

Yeah, every forge type of the dungeon in Shadow Realm has throwing weapons!!! He adapted!

__________

So yeah this post gotten EMOTIONAL ALL OF A SUDDEN when I expected it to be short. Damn, the girls didn't lie, he IS an interesting character!

[corazondebeskar-reads]

save your tears

Joel Miller x f!reader

originally for Febuwhump 2024 Day 18 - too weak to move | Febuwhump masterlist

words: 1.1k

summary: What would have happened if you went with Joel and Ellie instead of staying in Jackson?

-- I cheated a little for this one but this is an alternate universe scene from "you know you never stood a chance" (spoiler warning). BUT this can be read as a standalone.

warnings: established situationship, canon-compliant-ish, canon-typical violence, description of wound, description of bodily fluids related to a wound, realistic thoughts about a survival situation, hunting and eating of animals

dividers by @saradika-graphics

A/N: this is what I call the silver lake alternate version. in my very early draft of the story, you did not stay in jackson. you got mad at Joel for abandoning Ellie and went to the stables in the morning, planning to go with Ellie and Tommy. The rest of the events happened as per canon. However, as I was writing this scene, it became quickly apparent that it was the wrong narrative choice. but just for fun, here's a snippet after Joel is wounded. (stay tuned in the end notes for the one single David line I wrote).

“You can’t shoot,” Ellie says. She won’t look at you. It’s not mean; it’s just another way you’re failing them. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ll be back,” she promises. 

You hate this. But there’s no time for self-loathing. What you can do instead is boil snow. 

You creep up to the main level of the house. When you’re sure it’s clear, you crawl through, trying to stay out of sight through any windows. You’re able to scrounge up a few containers of dubious origin and cleanliness but better than your two canteens. 

You light a fire in an old ration tin and prop a steel mixing bowl (the best find of the lot) on top. The first round of snow goes to scrubbing out the containers with an unfortunately large sliver from your bar of soap. 

It’s a loss, but you can’t risk putting dirty water on Joel’s wound. 

Once you have one clean bowl of water, you set another to boil and pull back his shirt and bandages. 

It’s bad. You know it, Ellie knows it, Joel knows it. But you have to try. You have to, or all three of you are dead. 

Well. Maybe not Ellie. She’s tough and capable. Maybe she could make it back to Tommy without you slowing her down. 

You have nothing remotely sterile, so you mentally set aside the next bowl of water for cleaning a scrap of fabric. For now, you try to flush the wound with a slow stream of warm water. 

You’ve been talking to him quietly, explaining to him what you were doing, though his consciousness is dubious at best today. But when you start to pour, his eyes snap open, and his hand flashes out to squeeze at the bones of your wrist. 

“Joel, it’s me, it’s just me,” you say quickly. His grip is grinding, and things are not going to be helped by a broken wrist. And you know it never really healed right, that breaking it a second time would mean it possibly never working the same again. You try not to panic. 

“Joel, please,” you whimper, and he seems to finally recognize you. His fingers loosen, but don’t let go. 

“I’m just trying to help,” you say. You feel like the basement is getting smaller, darker, like it might swallow you up. Someone is breathing shakily, and you’re humiliated to find out it’s you. 

His thumb rubs against your pulse for a moment. “Take Ellie and go,” he whispers, voice hoarse and cracking. 

Instead of responding, you bring the canteen up to his mouth and let a little water drip into his mouth. His eyes close for a moment. 

He purses his lips too soon, a tiny shake to his head. 

“It’s okay, I’m boiling more, please drink.”

But he’s already passing back out. You reach up and stroke your fingers through his hair. It’s damp with sweat despite the crystalline spread of ice inside the windowpanes. 

Sweat is good, right? It means his body is burning the infection. At least, you think so. 

You pause to switch the water so you can get a clean rag. Maybe when Ellie gets back, you can try to ransack the other houses for anything of use. 

You wait until you have a full slate of clean water before you drink any. When it hits your tongue, you think you might cry. Pacing yourself is so hard. 

He wakes up again when you try to clean the wound with the fabric you’d torn from your ragged t-shirt. Every breath draws bile you have to swallow again and again, a fruitless endeavor that ends with you scrambling to throw up outside, terrified of introducing any other contaminants to his environment. 

When you scrub at the wound, he’s awake enough to struggle with the pain but not awake enough to be aware of what’s happening. So he tries to move away, to fight you off. 

It’s worth it, you tell yourself over and over. You’re able to get some of the dirt away with some soap, and some of the pus flows, but not enough. You don’t put pressure on it, afraid to push the infection deeper. 

The skin around his stitches is puffy, red, and oozing. Dread settles deep. You’re probably going to need to cut them and clean the wound. But not now; you can’t force yourself to at this moment. Plus, you might need Ellie to help in case he tries to fight it. 

Instead, you use a clean corner of the rag to wipe dirt from his face and another to try and drip a little more water into his mouth. Suppressing a sob, you press your lips to the burning skin of his forehead. 

Ellie comes back a few hours later and a few rabbits richer. She’s skinned and prepped them when she comes inside, and you set to boiling the meat and bones. 

The two of you eat the meat, and you spend the rest of the evening trying to drip broth into Joel’s mouth. 

It turns into a rhythm. Joel doesn’t get worse, but he doesn’t get better. Sometimes, he wakes and tries to convince you to leave again, to take Ellie and abandon him. Neither of you are very tolerant of his arguments. 

Once, when you’re alone, he seems a little lucid. Ellie is out checking traps, and you’re sitting helplessly next to Joel, sniffling. You’ve got squirrel boiling in the little can fire, but it takes a long time, leaving you with little to do but wait. 

“Why’re ya cryin’, sweetheart?” His voice cracks from disuse, and he tries to clear his throat. 

You’re up on your knees with the canteen to his lips in an instant. He drinks a little and swats it away, reaching a shaky hand to cup your cheek and brush away a tear with his thumb. 

“I know y’ain’t cryin’ over me,” he scolds. 

It only makes you cry harder, though you scramble to choke it back. You peel his hand from you, holding it for a moment in both of yours before giving it a gentle squeeze and placing it back on the mattress. 

“Let me get you some broth,” you mumble, wiping your eyes on your dusty sleeves. 

He lets you feed him a little. 

“C’mere,” he says when you’ve reluctantly stowed the broth. He tugs you to his uninjured side, and you have to squeeze your eyes tight as you gently curl to him. “Remember when you used to be a good girl and do whatever I’d tell ya?”

“We’re not leaving you, Joel.” You’re so tired of this conversation. Actually, you realize as his heat seeps through your clothes, you’re just so tired. 

“Even though I was gonna leave you?”

“Shit, you’re right,” you say and watch exasperatedly as he has the nerve to look a little hopeful. “You nearly leavin’ me behind in the safest place you know is the same thing as leavin’ you to rot in a random filthy basement.”

“Stubborn brat,” he grumbles before he falls back into a fitful sleep.

BONUS — The one line I wrote for a scene with David:

“something rude,” says David.

*title from "Save Your Tears" by The Weeknd

[depressopax]

Dating Mike Ehrmantraut headcanons NSFW

Pairing: Mike Ehrmantraut x gn!reader Genre: Smut Warning(s): Sexual content, handjobs, oral (reader receiving & giving) Gender neutral reader, dom!Mike, cuss words, degradation, public sex Words: 800 Summary: Being in a relationship with Mike Ehrmantraut would include…  English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3

SOFT DOM.

He likes being in charge, and wants his lover to be submissive to him.

I see him as a switch, with the preference of being dominant.

But if you “ask nicely”, Mike might let you be in charge…

The idea of you dominating him for change is a turn-on, but this, he would not admit.

He has a thing for thighs - especially yours - and loves grabbing them, biting, licking, kissing…. You name it. 

He marks your thighs too, as a reminder that “you’re his”.

He’s not that vocal in bed, will moan and grunt if something feels good, cuss, too. But besides that? No.

It’s only if he’s really overstimulated or into the pleasure that he’ll let himself be loud. 

…If you’re lucky, he might even whimper for you. 

When it comes to you? Mike wants you to be LOUD.

He’s not satisfied if you’re not moaning or screaming his name.

Don’t try to cover the sounds, he will be pissed off.

Not that fond of “foreplay”, he’ll make sure both of you are turned on enough, but apart from that, he has no patience.

Let’s just say, he takes what he wants 🤭

Mike is a bit older, but honestly? Just means he has a lot of experience and knows his turn-ons and turn-offs. 

And boy, he has a lot of turn-ons.

And very willing to experiment to find your turn-ons.

Your satisfaction goes before his own, in most cases, at least.

He's not afraid to “put you in your place” and be dominant. 

But that doesn't mean he likes being too rough 

He wouldn't want to do something that could hurt you, so blood- and wax-play etc is a big no. He doesn't get the idea of choking either, and wouldn't try it, even if you beg.

But he would be willing to try “lighter” versions of kinks, for example bondage.

He also likes spanking you ;)

He i's either slow and passionate, or he will fuck you hard and fast.

He is older, and doesn't have as much stamina as you do.

…But you can't really complain, that just means he's extra focused on satisfying your needs to “make up for it”

This man LOVES giving oral 

…And receiving, too.

He is very slow and teasing when giving, his goal to make you whimper in frustration and beg

He doesn’t really tell you, but he loves the way you taste. 

When you give him heads, he’s not shy to praise you. “Fuck… Just like that.” “Such a pretty little mouth.” “You’re taking me so well, y/n.” “...Doing so well for me. Fuck you’re good.”

If you have long hair, he’ll grab it or hold you in place for you whilst your lips work on his length.

Mike will encourage you to take more of him

Lowkey likes brat-taming 👀

Disobey or disrespect him, and you’re in for a wild ride…

But you can’t complain, since it is satisfying.

“Acting like a brat”, just to tease him, and watch your calm boyfriend lose his patience with your brattiness… 

He would be hesitant to try it, but the thought of public sex excites him.

When sitting at cafés or the cinema, for example, he’d have these dirty thoughts of using his hands on you, whilst making sure you keep quiet, despite his touch. 

If you’re into it, he’d probably act on the thought, too. 

When taking you on coffee dates, he’d waste no time before his hand found their way into your pants.

And somehow, managing to do so in a discreet way, so no one suspects a thing. 

He also likes fucking you in his car. And if you rile him up at the most random times, he’ll definitely pull over at some empty parking lot and take you. 

But the bedroom remains to be his favorite place to have sex

It’s the best option, and allows for you to feel comfortable during and after sex.

He doesn’t like making a mess, so he’ll help you tidy up afterwards, and make sure the bed is clean. 

He prefers finishing in a condom or somewhere on your body 

Mike might not seem like that guy - but he’s good at aftercare.

He makes sure you’re not hurt and wants you to feel comfortable.

He’ll bring you water if needed, clean you up, fix a bath, or just hold you soothingly. 

Mike has a hard time falling asleep at night, but with you in his arms - and after some hot sex - he tends to sleep really well.

That’s why he also has extra stamina and libido when stressed or frustrated.

…And he is in a bad mood pretty often, ngl.

Which only means one thing…

Yk what I mean ;)

Mike is not that much of an emotional guy, but during and after sex, he’s really loving, not hesitating to let you know he loves you.

Ik I got issues, but I'm so fucking in love with this old man bruh 😭 ENJOYYY

[jack-kellys]

hello everyone here are the few notes i had from that weird night i keep mentioning (march 29):

alex christian legend hero king tossed himself into buttons for act 2 while fellow legend hero king jordan isaac tossed himself out of buttons and into tommy boy!

* it’s something i didn’t consider bc i’ve never done this show on a professional level like this— each character has a track. like each little ensemble role. because tommy dances here during this part, and he crosses this way, and jordan can’t just do his personal track because tommy has to scab and talk to these people and etc. like that mapping out must be fucking insanity especially considering they have TWO SWINGS ONLY right now bc of past injuries etc. with the moscar debacle this weekend this has become pretty obvious but the way we were like “aw no alex… —where’s jack?? —ALEX????”

the lights came all the way on during intermission that day! so we had intermission for at least 10 extra minutes to switch out tommy for jordan and consequently jordan for alex, which was fine by me bc now i have fully lit pictures of the set for you all.

jack bromage (tommy boy) nearly dropped zach guest (ike? a swing?) on his fucking head! whoops!!! and then tommy got hurt and disappeared for act 2 LMAO mans needs to be more careful oh my god

*speaking on tommy though as a character in this version: tommy is integral to the newsies. he’s in trousers, takes the east side as a whole to report the strike to, and when he scabs… oh it’s a moment. crutchie is shocked (“tommy?”), finch says his “they think they can just waltz in here and take OUR jobs?” to tommy directly and shoves him down, which is the only act of violence finch rly commits.

*during the brawl, finch hangs back (around woodside’s overhang balc) and surveys. and there’s this one moment when mush is on the ground via wiesel who has a baseballl bat, and mush is pleading w/ wiesel not to hit him. wiesel grips mush’s suspender as if to hit him again and then the cop whistle blows, and wiesel drops mush and mush.. doesn’t get up. you can hear finch say “no.. no no no-” from woodside before running down and checking if mush is breathing, tapping him to wake him up and get up… ahh another newsie was next to mush that finch was checking on too but i wasn’t sure who- and then finch bolts with those two. and it’s when he’s helping those two offstage that crutchie calls for him, romeo, jack. like bro. the ACTUAL CHARACTER in this show is fantastic like that’s so small but literally the only reason finch can’t help crutchie is bc he’s doing his little sub-leader role and he can’t and it’s. sad. i was like oh wow. nuance. directorial thought. like they had to reason out that staging. it makes me think if they went thru the show and were actually like “what is each character doing during this fight” instead of “what is each actor doing during this fight” which is SOOOOO. impressive.

after king of new york, race and finch take the tables off down in front of brooklyn’s seating. i was sitting in brooklyn bc i scored an act 2 spot lmao. race says to finch “i don’t polish the tables, THEY do!” and pointed directly at me with a fire in his mf eyes. i was. startled and i also fell in love

going into headcanon territory rq for mush. there was a little joking snippet a while back on jacob’s insta story q&a with mush punching albert in the context of like “who could beat al in a fight”. so like mush might be a bit younger but maybe he’s a good fighter so finch seeing HIM down that badly during the fight…. slay. i just love it. it scares finch so bad. i wanna write the fight from his pov now

anyway gents this weekend we approach my final time of seeing this show (i’ve gone 5 times oops)… but definitely not my final analysis post. thank u for sticking by and giving them a lot of love it’s very cool they’re all under #analysis

[pearlmoney]

The Haunting of Miss Caroline Marsden (snippet)

The audience’s applause could be heard two storeys down, everyone knew the name Caroline Marsden. She stepped from behind the tall black curtains putting on her best smile, she had practised everyday since she was ten for this exact moment. Her sleek black heels clacked on the hardwood floor, she felt as if she would slip with every step she took. It seemed like their cheering would never stop, this stage was so big, it would take at least twenty seconds to walk to the desk. Caroline kept her performed smile on, waving back to the hundreds of staring faces who claimed to know everything about her; who all adored her. Finally, Caroline was on the other side of the stage, shaking hands with an equally, but not quite as, famous TV host. She sat down on the bouncy red couch, feeling the bumpy rhinestones on her dress under her. 

‘Welcome Caroline, it’s so lovely to have you here! Can we all give her another big round of applause?’ Oh god not again. Their hands must be red at this point. Did she even care though? The applause is what she lived for, she needed it. Caroline continued smiling, her face still like stone on the brink of collapse. The clapping slowly faded and Caroline locked eyes with the host once again.

‘So, Please Let Go, huh? Coming to theatres on March 10th; What an amazing piece of work this is!’

‘Oh yes, thank you John.’

‘Why don’t you tell us a little bit more about this film?’

As soon as that question is asked it feels as though everything fades, all sounds are muffled and her vision subsides, Caroline is only able to see her memories and her art.

‘Well, Please Let Go is a drama piece about a girl, Rachael, who is in a difficult first relationship and doesn’t know how to get out of it because she’s afraid of what her partner will say or do. It’s a very important piece of film that I think a lot of young people can relate to and find comfort in.’ she talked so highly of her work it made her want to vomit. Caroline never wanted to be one of those directors who were stuck up and talked freely about how amazing they were. She knew she and her art were perfect but no one was allowed to use that against her, so she had to be perceived as humble. But the applause gets to her, and she can’t help but talk like she’s the only person in the world. 

‘That’s amazing. Now what’s the backstory to this film? How did you come to create it?’

Caroline smiled wider than she thought possible and let out a breath of satisfaction. This was her favourite question. She sat up and fixed her posture, wanting to look her absolute best.

‘Well it’s actually based on the book my partner wrote with the same name. I remember reading it the first time and being so moved by it, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.’

‘Did you two write this together?’

‘Oh my partner Rose definitely helped me a lot, I mean it was based on their book, of course I’d look to her for guidance.’

There were soft ‘aaw’s in the crowd as Caroline spoke of Rose, someone these fans should be quite familiar with by now. The amount Caroline talks about them online and in interviews was astounding, she was shocked no one told her to be quiet by now.

‘That’s lovely, and where is Rose tonight?’

‘She’s in Seattle on her book tour, promoting her new limited edition version of Please Let Go. I hope they’re watching me in their hotel room tonight.’ Caroline spoke with a less forced and more fond smile, thinking about her loved partner watching her from afar. Caroline looked right down the barrel of one of the huge film cameras on set, ‘I love you Rosey, I hope you’re having a good time over there.’ The audience erupted in cheers once again, Caroline’s ears didn’t respond to it, blocking it out as she dreamt of her partner being here with her talking about their new movie.

The loud applause was cut short by the TV switching off, leaving Caroline in a dark, cold, empty room. Tissues, wrappers, bottles, anything else that would’ve been cleaned off the floor in an instant stayed there in a depressing tableau, almost waiting to be put away, watching in judgement at Caroline's newly found state. Caroline stared at the black screen, just able to see her now rejected reflection. Before she could think too hard on that, she pulled herself up from her chair and dragged her feet to the kitchen.

 She sighed, opening the fridge to find another drink, but she had already wasted them all. She hung her head in shame before turning to the clock on the microwave. ‘7:09AM’ it read, that familiar pit sat in her stomach realising she’s gone another night without sleep. How long has it been now? 75 hours? It was hard to keep track, Caroline had more important things to think about, like her premiere in two weeks, her fitting tomorrow, or well today. And the funeral on Friday. Before she could even stop herself she let out a quiet chuckle.

‘What kind of heartless bastard holds a funeral on a Friday? Like come on Jill, we all have better things to be doing, I’d rather spend my Friday dressed in a bikini on the beach with a drink in one hand and a woman in the other! Not standing around people I hate, mourning a person who shouldn’t even be having this so called fucking celebration!' Caroline shouted to no one, throwing her half empty bottle at the wall opposite her, gasping as it shattered against the paint. She stared at the wet stain on the wall, trying to slow her breathing back to normal but failing completely. She left the glass pile on the floor, too distressed to even think about cleaning it. She slowly walked back to her chair and slumped down, giving a long dramatic sigh. Caroline hadn’t felt like this since college. Excessive depression and nothing to help it, not a single thing could pull her out of her ‘funk’ as her mom would call it. Well there was one thing, but she was gone now.

Thank you so much for reading a short piece from my book I'm working on The Haunting of Miss Caroline Marsden!! If you want to learn a little more about it, have a look at my pinned post on my account. I have been working so hard on this project for a few months now and would love feedback on it. If you have any questions, comments, critiques, please share!!

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Fanfic Snippet

I made Martin cry.

I will not apologize.

(all unedited, not final version, etc. and so forth)

Kayne bothering Martin, who has had the WORST WEEK.

———

Three days have passed.

Three days without Jon.

Three days of feeling like his heart was left back there on the cold, gray beach, bleeding into the sand.

Three days, too, without the Fears being brought into the world, so… that’s good, at least.

Martin wipes at his eyes again. Takes up his notebook and Eloise’s ink.

“There’s a game I play when I’m alone,” he murmurs as he writes, trusting Pepper to keep to the road.

“There’s a game I play when I’m alone. Imagined rounds of hide and seek. A call and response, Seeking anew, Seeking another to be so dear.

“There’s a game I play when I can’t sleep, Breaking the rules of time and place. Imagining touch, Imagining you, Unprompted and sweetly divine.

“There’s a game I play when I…”

A tear splashes on the paper, smudging his words.

“Shit,” he mutters, putting the book aside (open, praying it won’t smudge further), wiping at his eyes, gripping the reins. “Shit.”

He almost wishes the Lonely were here in this world so he could retreat into it. He’d still be without Jon, but he wouldn’t feel it as much. Nowhere near.

“Oh, that’s not a healthy thing to think,” he mutters to himself, and wonders again how the hell Jon is resisting the call from all fourteen.

For something to do, he reaches into the back and takes out Kayne’s black book. He still doesn’t know why he was given it.

Now, it says, Patience, my little creme puff, over and over and over again.

“What’s the point of this?” he mutters at it. He’s sure Kayne can hear him. “You’re doing it all wrong, you know,” he informs the book. “I thought you didn’t want the Fears brought here. Well, Jon needs me. So if this is your plan, it’s a really stupid one. Short-sighted, apparently based on… entertainment, or something, instead of the actual issues at hand. I swear, it’s like you actually want the baby tentacle god to win.”

Pepper stops.

“Come on, girl, I don’t have time for this,” Martin mutters, jostling the reins.

Pepper won’t move.

Martin sighs and dismounts. “Of all the days to get stubborn on me, you had to do it right now?” he soothes, wipes his face again, then pets the mule’s. “What’s wrong? Do I need to check your shoes? What’s happening, girl?”

And Pepper says, “Just trying to keep you from being exploded.”

Martin yips and stumbles backwards.

Right into a hard, hot form that is person-shaped, but definitely not a person at all.

Martin leaps forward again.

Kayne laughs. “Sorry, sorry! I couldn’t help it!”

“Wh… leave the mule alone, for the love of god!” Martin says.

“She’s fine, I just borrowed her for a second!” And then Kayne switches the laughter off, like pulling the plug on a machine. “And really, I had to do something to prevent your little self-immolating tirade. That was rude, Martin. Very, very rude.”

Maybe Kayne has trigger-words, too, though Martin isn’t sure which ones he used.

He’s also fairly certain the use of his name is not a good sign, but he’s too miserable to stop now. “Maybe I did it on purpose. Maybe I wanted your attention.”

“Oh, like burning statements to get my eye, hoping you can survive the fallout? Oh, oh, no, my dear one. All you’ve done is leverage my pride against my ever-present desire to kill you (which, to be fair, I desire to do to everything all the time, but still). Very risky. A dangerous step. I absolutely loved it. Don’t do it again.”

“Don’t give me reason to, then,” Martin says, not even sure why he’s pushing, why he’s toeing the line even further (does he want to be hurt? Is that it?).

Kayne is suddenly right in front of him, hooking one foot around Martin’s ankle to make him fall, and catching him with one hand between his shoulders like a dance partner. He’s so close that Martin can see through Kayne’s eyes into time, space, eternity, nightmare, falling, terror, gravity, inversion, pain -

“No,” Kayne says, slowly, a clear warning. Then he drops him.

Caught in whatever hell spins behind Kayne’s eyes, Martin lands like a sack of wheat, and gets the breath knocked out of him. “You… you said - ”

“‘You said, what do you want, how dare you talk through my donkey,’ wah wah wah,” says Kayne.

And Martin is suddenly not here.

He’s in the Panopticon, cheek stinging from flying debris, staring up at Jon who is so beautiful and so terrifying and so infuriating and -

I didn’t think you’d go through with it! Not without me!

And Martin is horrified at the rage in his voice, at his fury toward his love, at his choking fear that by doing this, Jon might have lost himself, and  -

I can’t believe you’d do this! That you’d leave me like this!

And Jon looks at him and Martin sees Jon is still in there, and that is somehow worse because it means they’ll both have to go survive the consequences, and no one will be spared -

You swore to me! You swore to me, you bastard!

“Stop, please stop!” Martin shouts.

“Hm?” says Kayne, looking up from apparently buffing his nails on his shirt. Then he hits with one more memory.

I knew that you couldn’t help yourself. You never could! I knew you’d lied to me, that you were going in alone!

Tears blur the world. Martin is on his knees, head down. His heart might have actually exploded.

“Lesson learned, muffin?” says Kayne.

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. “Go fuck yourself,” he gasps.

“I could, muffin, but I don’t think this planet would survive.”

“Ugh.” Martin manages to stand. He’s shaky; feels like he’s going to throw up. Well, that didn’t accomplish anything, he thinks, and wonders if Anabelle would still think him spider-worthy if she’d seen this little train-wreck.

Kayne chuckles, low.

Somehow, Martin pulls himself onto the cart. His heart hurts so much that he can barely breathe around it.

Kayne leaps. Suddenly, he’s astride Pepper (who does not seem to care), backwards, facing Martin. “You know, though, I’m being unfair? It’s not really your fault I’m in a bad mood. I thought today was the end, after all.”

Martin stares at him. “The end?”

“Mmm, yep. I thought this was it. The end of life as-is, because of course Hastur was going to have his way. But then do you know what happened? Do you? Do you?”

The Fears aren’t here, and Martin knows. “He didn't give in.” Pride lifts his chin. “I told you he wouldn’t.”

“Martin. Martin, Martin, Martin. Don’t be obtuse.”

“I’m not being - ”

“Did he give in before? Is that what happened? Is that why the whole story went swirling like vomit down the toilet bowl? Is it, Martin? Is it?”

Ah.

No. It was not what happened.

Jon hadn’t given in at all, and that was why it went wrong.

Kayne wants him to make the connection, to dig out his trauma, to plug together terrible currents that Martin strives to keep apart. 

But Martin already has done that. He even thought he’d come to terms with what happened.

He’d realized, finally, how depressed Jon had been. How the weight of the whole suffering world had landed on Jon so much harder than it had him, because while even the bits Martin saw were too damn much, Martin could look away.

Jon could never close his eyes.

Martin knows that if he’d listened more, heard what Jon was saying, really understood how low Jon was, he’d have better anticipated what happened.

But he hadn’t. And then Jon drowned in hopeless sorrow, and Jon lied, and Jon decided to end the world instead of waiting to figure it out together, and Martin understands why.

Understanding doesn’t really make it better.

Martin feels like he’s holding a beloved teacup, a thing he treasures above all else, and sees the crack running through it, and doesn’t know how to make it whole. “Look, we haven’t…” He hates how he sounds - small and wobbly and beaten. “We haven’t talked about it, all right? This isn’t how I want to process it, either.”

“Oh, yes, yes, because first it was about keeping him alive, and then it was about stealing eggs for survival, and then it just was in the past, and you moved on, and it’s all okay because nobody would ever talk about it again. I get it! So sad.”

Of all people, for Kayne to understand this so well was deeply unsettling.

Kayne smiles. “Do you know how often I’m wrong?”

“At least once,” Martin says.

Kayne laughs.

Pepper shifts; the laughter bothers her, too, so Martin feels a little less pathetic for hating it.

“I mean, it’s still a given - he will lose,” says Kayne.

“Now, wait a minute - “

“But things got a little complicated today, and I think he’s going to take a much longer time to do it than I thought. Which means this is going to draaaaag ooouut, and who wants that, right?”

“I don’t - ”

“It’s filler. I don’t want filler. Nobody wants to see Goku get his driver’s license. No one wants to watch the Ceaseless Watcher change in response to what your lover becomes. So that means we need a script doctor, you get me?”

Martin feels like ice water just splashed down his spine. “It’s changing?”

“Your beloved is basically immortal, you know. He doesn’t age. Unlike you.”

Was Kayne going to drop bombs with every sentence? “What? Wh… what?”

“So I was already feeling just so depressed at how long this was all going to take, and how ugly it was going to get - but then Hastur cheated.” And the delight that stretches Kayne’s face now makes it anything but ordinary, anything but just some guy, anything but sane and human and recognizable, like some horrible ancient mask of clay being pulled by many hands.

Martin leans back, breathing quickly. He can’t look away. He dearly wants to look away.

“He cheated, so I get an advantage, because that’s the deal.”

Martin knows Kayne wants to be asked. “Ad… advantage?”

In that split second, Kayne is off the mule and into the cart, face an inch from his own.

Martin scrambles sideways and nearly falls off.

Kayne catches him. Suspends him, really, gripping his shirt in one hand like Martin weighs nothing, holding him horizontally over the ground.

Martin freezes.

“I’m sending you that cheat,” says Kayne again, “and you’re going to play from there and make it all interesting for me again. Oh, oh, and since you’ll want a clue - ” He lifts, just a little, impossibly raising Martin’s hips off the seat, leverage meaning nothing. “He’s taken the Archivist to the Dreamlands.” And he lets go.

Martin falls onto the ground.

When he scrambles up, feeling bruised, Kayne is gone.

Pepper flicks her ears.

This was… this was a lot.

He leans against the wheel, trying to process.

So Jon’s not aging. The Beholding is changing. And there is so much Martin hasn’t dealt with.

So much he hasn’t said.

He should have said. Why hadn’t he said?

Because it felt like we had time, he thinks, and wipes his eyes. “I forgive you, Jon,” he whispers. “I already did forgive you. But oh, gods, it hurts.”

He should have said this to Jon’s face.

He hopes he’ll still have the chance.

This crack in the teacup, Martin is certain, can be fixed.

But it’s going to have to be repaired from both sides.

[trudemaethien]

Meme thing! Fi/Ordo for 001 and Echo for 002 plz!

🤡 this got long, both answered under the cut 🥰

001 Fi/Ordo

started shipping: When I first read them interacting I said “That, that’s flirting, right there.” I was immediately sold: stamped, signed, and sealed.

my thoughts: they ought to wear the heck out of some skirts.

happy: they are both yearning and then they find what they were looking for—family belonging, love. (In my version at least. we don’t talk about that 501st travissty)

sad: they only knew each other in canon for a very fleeting moment despite having the same trainer/father figure. Fi got brain damage and might never be the same. Ordo congealed into a colder and grimmer version of himself as time went on. BUT we don’t talk about brunooo that ending.

fanfic annoyed- this is a rare ship so there is not a lot of fic, so general characterization: when they make Fi the bottom/fem gay boi and Ordo this serious badass cishet macho man.

fanfic i look for: like i said, grand total of SIX fics for them rn, and one is mine. So, uh, first thing I look for is, is the writer one of my friends? yes, for four of the six remaining. (@kungfuslippers i am so thankful for your half of the tag🙏) and one more I hadn’t seen so I’m gonna be reading that as soon as i’m done here LOL

end up with who else? Well. I ship a convoluted and very fun repcomm polycule so uh. Fi has (counts fingers) three or four other partners (Atin, Sev, Parja, and sometimes Corr) and Ordo has like. six? (Besany, Corr, Laseema, Mereel, Maze…maybe some of the other Nulls idk) but ideally they will all be happy together. If i have to pick my fave ships, Bes/Corr/Ordo, and Fi/Sev

happily ever after: ^^^ sprawling family and yaim and maybe some kids they help raise, getting old and fat and still absolutely fabulous in their skirts. 👁️🫦👁️

big spoon/little spoon: switch. they tend to full-body flop on top of each other more often, to quell each other’s fidgets/anxiety. very active sleepers. no sheet survives first contact.

favorite nonsexual activity: I think they like to try new things, and bonus points if they can do whatever the activity of the hour is while holding hands. Ordo is the most solid of Fi’s partners and Fi is the most unrestrained of Ordo’s, so they gravitate toward each other rather than any of the others when that’s what they need.

<><><><>

002 Echo

feelings: this guy’s a BITCH and i have a GRUDGE but no actually I do like him 😂😂😂 He’s just a godawful pain to write!

romantic ships: Commander Fox, Rex, Fives, the Torrent polycule in general, TBB

platonic OTP: Dogma

unpopular opinion: hm. i think he might feel proprietary about and even sort of enjoy his techno union swag?

canon: i wish desperately that he got to see Fives again.

crossover ship—maybe it’s stuck up of me but i don’t think about crossovers, sryyy

headcanon: he’s very mentally organized even before the body mods, and Fives’ chaos has a category all of its own in his data directory. Also that he kept the regulation appearance to stand out in Torrent’s sea of unique markings and hairstyles, and because he had too many ideas about how he could look. Post-techno union, he’s guiltily pleased he did not have to choose. Like he earned his distinctive look?

[ddeunbi]

ㅤㅤsafe place.

⠀✿⠀一⠀[⠀book𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗳⠀]⠀⠀⠀

pjs ㅤ一ㅤ jay wants nothing but your warmth to comfort him. cw hugs, mention of jay crying, kissing, petnames; baby, mention of food wc O.7k ㅤ g fluff, childhoodfriends2l(?)

ㅤㅤnote⏤ sending hugs to Jay after that weverse reply, I don't know if I like this though, and you could tell I suck at writing people kissing 🫂🫂

the only time jay can be himself truly is when he's with you. you were the one who saw every version of him ever since you both were kids. so it's not a surprise when you found tired jay outside your door at 2:49 a.m., tired jay who hugged you straight away after you opened the door for him, tired jay who wants nothing but your warmth to comfort him. with their comeback coming, their schedule had been tight and crazy. you didn't even bother asking what happened, you know what's happening in his head. you were somewhat the only person who enabled a switch in him for him to act like this every time he's with you.

it was always like this when their comeback was nearing, jay would show up at your door, want nothing but to cuddle with you, his girlfriend, and sometimes he even cries on your shoulder if something's bothering him. crying his heart out, you're his person. his safe place. someone who understands him truly.

"jongseong, let's go in first. you can have me all you want after that," you patted his back. jongseong. he likes how you say his name. jay just nodded and retreated from your neck. you help him take his coat off and help him make his way to your couch and lay him down. he loves lying on your couch, it just feels safe, comfortable, and most importantly, your scent coating it. jay could just shut his eyes off at the scent of you, taking in your smell, the smell he can't have anywhere else but here.

"Have you eaten yet?" jay just shakes his head when he hears your question. he knew you would be mad at him for skipping his meal, but he would prefer to have his meal with you rather than with anyone else. he was expecting you to nag at him, but all he could hear was your sigh. "you should've eaten your dinner no matter how busy you are, jay. you were the one who told me to eat 3 times a day but now you're the one who's skipping it," there it is, your nagging, jay couldn't help but smile a little even though he didn't like how you said his stage name whenever you're upset at him. he opens his eyes to look at you. right, he didn't get a good look at you ever since he got here. you were wearing what he assumed was his white shirt and checkered pants. even though your outfit was simple, jay still thought that you were very beautiful, and might be the most beautiful person he ever met after his mom.

"Just, wait here while I warm your food. you can open the TV if you want," you said before walking off to the kitchen. he grabs the remote control and decides to watch Titanic for who knows how many. minutes pass, and you are finally back holding a tray. you walked over to him and put down the tray on the coffee table. just as you were done putting the tray down, jay pulled you by the waist, making you sit on top of him. you were taken aback by your boyfriend's action. his arms are now on your waist, hugging you tightly. his face? on your neck.

"jongseong, can you at least eat first? I know I said that you can have me all you want but please eat first," you leaned in his touch, your head was on top of his. jay said nothing but snuggle on your neck further. your head could only think of 1 way to make him eat. you turned your head to him and cupped his face, bringing him in to kiss him. you could tell that he was not expecting it with how he reacted but he was quick enough to realize what was going on. he closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, one of his hands was now at the back of your head, deepening the kiss and your hands traveled to his nape, pulling on his baby hairs.

the existence of oxygen caused you to pull away from the kiss. you open your eyes to find Jay staring at you with a soft smile decorating his face. you couldn't help but smile. "will you eat now?" you rubbed his nape. "yeah, only if you promised to kiss me like that again," he said, a grin forming on his handsome face. "sure, but with that being said you need to finish your food and cuddle me all night," you replied. jay could only let out a chuckle and peck your lips.

"I could cuddle with you all day, baby"

[homeiswherethe-artis]

The Haunting of Miss Caroline Marsden (snippet)

The audience’s applause could be heard two storeys down, everyone knew the name Caroline Marsden. She stepped from behind the tall black curtains putting on her best smile, she had practised everyday since she was ten for this exact moment. Her sleek black heels clacked on the hardwood floor, she felt as if she would slip with every step she took. It seemed like their cheering would never stop, this stage was so big, it would take at least twenty seconds to walk to the desk. Caroline kept her performed smile on, waving back to the hundreds of staring faces who claimed to know everything about her; who all adored her. Finally, Caroline was on the other side of the stage, shaking hands with an equally, but not quite as, famous TV host. She sat down on the bouncy red couch, feeling the bumpy rhinestones on her dress under her. 

‘Welcome Caroline, it’s so lovely to have you here! Can we all give her another big round of applause?’ Oh god not again. Their hands must be red at this point. Did she even care though? The applause is what she lived for, she needed it. Caroline continued smiling, her face still like stone on the brink of collapse. The clapping slowly faded and Caroline locked eyes with the host once again.

‘So, Please Let Go, huh? Coming to theatres on March 10th; What an amazing piece of work this is!’

‘Oh yes, thank you John.’

‘Why don’t you tell us a little bit more about this film?’

As soon as that question is asked it feels as though everything fades, all sounds are muffled and her vision subsides, Caroline is only able to see her memories and her art.

‘Well, Please Let Go is a drama piece about a girl, Rachael, who is in a difficult first relationship and doesn’t know how to get out of it because she’s afraid of what her partner will say or do. It’s a very important piece of film that I think a lot of young people can relate to and find comfort in.’ she talked so highly of her work it made her want to vomit. Caroline never wanted to be one of those directors who were stuck up and talked freely about how amazing they were. She knew she and her art were perfect but no one was allowed to use that against her, so she had to be perceived as humble. But the applause gets to her, and she can’t help but talk like she’s the only person in the world. 

‘That’s amazing. Now what’s the backstory to this film? How did you come to create it?’

Caroline smiled wider than she thought possible and let out a breath of satisfaction. This was her favourite question. She sat up and fixed her posture, wanting to look her absolute best.

‘Well it’s actually based on the book my partner wrote with the same name. I remember reading it the first time and being so moved by it, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.’

‘Did you two write this together?’

‘Oh my partner Rose definitely helped me a lot, I mean it was based on their book, of course I’d look to her for guidance.’

There were soft ‘aaw’s in the crowd as Caroline spoke of Rose, someone these fans should be quite familiar with by now. The amount Caroline talks about them online and in interviews was astounding, she was shocked no one told her to be quiet by now.

‘That’s lovely, and where is Rose tonight?’

‘She’s in Seattle on her book tour, promoting her new limited edition version of Please Let Go. I hope they’re watching me in their hotel room tonight.’ Caroline spoke with a less forced and more fond smile, thinking about her loved partner watching her from afar. Caroline looked right down the barrel of one of the huge film cameras on set, ‘I love you Rosey, I hope you’re having a good time over there.’ The audience erupted in cheers once again, Caroline’s ears didn’t respond to it, blocking it out as she dreamt of her partner being here with her talking about their new movie.

The loud applause was cut short by the TV switching off, leaving Caroline in a dark, cold, empty room. Tissues, wrappers, bottles, anything else that would’ve been cleaned off the floor in an instant stayed there in a depressing tableau, almost waiting to be put away, watching in judgement at Caroline’s newly found state. Caroline stared at the black screen, just able to see her now rejected reflection. Before she could think too hard on that, she pulled herself up from her chair and dragged her feet to the kitchen. She sighed, opening the fridge to find another drink, but she had already wasted them all. She hung her head in shame before turning to the clock on the microwave. ‘7:09AM’ it read, that familiar pit sat in her stomach realising she’s gone another night without sleep. How long has it been now? 75 hours? It was hard to keep track, Caroline had more important things to think about, like her premiere in two weeks, her fitting tomorrow, or well today. And the funeral on Friday. Before she could even stop herself she let out a quiet chuckle.

‘What kind of heartless bastard holds a funeral on a Friday? Like come on Jill, we all have better things to be doing, I’d rather spend my Friday dressed in a bikini on the beach with a drink in one hand and a woman in the other! Not standing around people I hate, mourning a person who shouldn’t even be having this so called fucking celebration!’ Caroline shouted to no one, throwing her half empty bottle at the wall opposite her, gasping as it shattered against the paint. She stared at the wet stain on the wall, trying to slow her breathing back to normal but failing completely. She left the glass pile on the floor, too distressed to even think about cleaning it. She slowly walked back to her chair and slumped down, giving a long dramatic sigh. Caroline hadn’t felt like this since college. Excessive depression and nothing to help it, not a single thing could pull her out of her ‘funk’ as her mom would call it. Well there was one thing, but she was gone now.

Thank you for reading a section of my book The Haunting of Miss Caroline Marsden!! If you have any questions or want to see more let me know, I do want to start posting more about my books and actual content in them. 

[aspiring-interpreter]

Resources and Goals 2: A shift in strategy

I can add a few more resources to my list now, as well as a change in strategy.

First, I'm going to drop Mango Languages. I don't need any help with understanding the individual words that they teach, and my pronunciation is generally quite good. It takes a bit too much time for what it's worth.

I went to the library and borrowed a few children's picture books. Some of the illustrations are simply incredible. Having pictures with the text will help me parse out meanings, but my reading isn't really anywhere near good enough to understand what's written without extensively using a dictionary tbh. I'll keep those books on me for now, though. I seem to have gained a lot of character recognition in the past week, so maybe I'll be able to read the books before they're due back (the loans are 3 weeks, but they auto-extend for a while).

Next, I've managed to find copies of "Intermediate Written Chinese" and the workbook, as well as "Chinese: An Essential Grammar". IWC could be a second textbook/workbook set to stretch my grammar and vocabulary, while "Chinese Made Easy" can cover the gaps in character recognition. Apparently, if I finish IWC, I'll know around 2600 words - which is enough to do the Level 3 (Band B) part of the TOCFL (Test of Chinese as a Foreign Language, Taiwan's version of the HSK).

My reasoning is that the TOCFL seems to correspond more to actual usage of Chinese, at least in Taiwan, rather than memorising chengyu and other formal phrases that won't be used often (there is this idea that HSK 5 and 6 does this). Plus, I plan on studying Chinese in Taiwan someday, before I start the Master's, and the Taiwanese government offers scholarships which are apparently easier to get with TOCFL certificates under your belt.

In terms of other resources, I've tried out Taiwanese radio channels, and some of them are interesting enough, but they often mix Taiwanese Min Nan Hua, which would not be an issue (in fact, very interesting to me), but the accents are also quite thick, which makes it hard to tell if they're speaking Min Nan Hua or Mandarin when they code-switch quickly.

Instead of radio, I'm turning to video games and TV shows now, both of which provide context through visuals and a storyline. I'm going to be watching "Shards of Her" and maybe writing my thoughts here (not sure if in English or Chinese yet), and replyaing OMORI (one of my all time fave games).

[spielzeugkaiser]

I just ADORE all your re-painting art! You've got so much talent, I wish I could switch between digital and traditional like you do!

Did you teach yourself all the different ways? Or go to art school? Just very curious how you got to be so good with different techniques and styles

Ahh, thank you! that is such a lovely ask, ehhhhh. I never went to art school - I thought about studying art (years and years ago) and I had a few months in my early teens where I tried an art course out, but I never drew anything there and it really wasn't for me. So I’m (more or less) self-taught! Is that good? Uhhhh. Depending on what you want to do with your art, I guess.

I think the thing is, for me, that traditional and digital? It’s not that different. Like, colour theory, shapes, the drawing portion, most of it stays the same? But there are some things I do that make it easier, I guess: 1. Planning! If I do make a traditional piece I almost always start with a digital mock up – for me it’s easier to get the colour balance and shape language right on PC (as anatomy, and contrast and stuff) so before I draw something on paper there is at least one rudely coloured digital version of it! Sometimes it’s drawn, sometimes photobashed – if you want to look into that technique I highly recommend Lioba Brückners tutorials on YT, there are a godsent.

2. Size. I think the worst thing you can do it start out too small. You have to go BIG. Especially with oil pastels, you can’t work small. GO BIG. GO BONKERS.  

3. Materials. USE THE RIGHT PAPER. Honestly. I know it sucks a bit, but the right drawing surface is so, so important. The Paper I use for my watercolor pieces is the hot pressed, 640 g/m², Hahnemühle watercolor paper. Is it expensive as fuck? Yes. But it takes even the shittiest colours and get’s beautiful results. But I also plan beforehand. Do I want to use pencils over it? Do I need fine details? Hot pressed paper. Do I want more abstractions and some grid? Cold pressed. It really depends, but I decide on the planning stage what materials I’ll use.

4. Reference and Tutorials. I need both! Before I start with a new medium I do some research, and I use some references too. There is a nice tutorial out there by Rossdraws how to find a good reference and what makes a good reference (I think it’s in the first video of his masterclass series). Another thing I find helpful is writing stuff down! I often caught myself watching tutorials but not really applying them or forgetting steps. Make a little to do list and go through it with each painting! It does wonders.

5. FLIP THE CANVAS. Do it! For traditional pieces: Either take a photo and flip it or stand in front of a mirror. It really does wonders to your brain.