#so i think as long as the developers listen to engineers and people in the industry who use these in the field

[wizard-mp4]

Last week I got to sit in on an introductory course/sales pitch for the new Q8 and U5 Pro by didn't share. Very cool ecosystem and 1 hell of a box. Thing weighs like 160 lbs all packed.

[improbable-outset]

📄 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐚𝐲 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐅𝐢𝐱 𝐇𝐢𝐦, 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐇𝐞’𝐬 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐅𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐡 𝐆𝐞𝐚𝐫

Miguel O’Hara x Fem!Reader

𝐀𝐎𝟑 | 𝐌𝐲 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬 | 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5.7k

𝐓𝐖 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐖: Street racing, Friends to More? (You’re more in denial than he is though 😒), smoking, one (1) ass spank, EVENTUAL SMUT, car sex, brief breast play, unprotected sex, buying ice coffee as aftercare.

𝐀/𝐍: That summary is so corny lmaooo

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Miguel’s idea of a good time: a high-speed joyride. Yours? Riding him until the sun rises

For someone who lived in the chaotic heart of Nueva York, your days were just as predictable as the last during high school.

School work, your part-time work, and family took up most of your time. Your world was one of routine and stability, with little room for the unexpected.

Then came Miguel O’Hara who tilted your world enough to knock you off balance from your usual routine with his enigmatic self.

Just like yourself, Miguel kept people at arm's length and low maintenance, most of the time. Albeit, his stoicism was what drew you into him. He didn’t pressure you into talking but he still kept you around, drawing you further into his world.

However, in moments of adrenaline, he became an ambushed thrill seeker. And things took a turn when he got into cars, more specifically street racing, which only amplified this side of him.

It started off during college years with one impulsive bet and he got addicted to the thrill pretty quickly. Soon, he developed rivalry and friendly competition with other drivers.

If it hadn’t been for Miguel, your life would’ve remained a series of quiet lonely nights with nothing much to look forward to. As a matter of fact, you would’ve never gone anywhere near a street race or anything this risky.

But after graduating college with no more academic stress to think about, going to these races has become a routine for you.

You found yourself surrounded by different cars outside an abandoned warehouse by the docks, their sleek bodies illuminated by the dim streetlights.

The air was charged with anticipation along with the guttural roads of engines as divers burned rubber. The scene was alive with energy but amidst the chaos, Miguel’s voice managed to cut through to you.

“Stop whining and just sit back, por favor.” Miguel snapped, his voice strained, as if you were pushing him to his limits. He was already behind the wheel with the window rolled down.

You’ve been begging him to sit on the passenger seat while he had been preparing for another race. But no matter how many times you asked, you were still met with the same answer.

“Those dirty benches are so uncomfortable,” you complained further. You were standing outside of his car with your hands resting on the edge of the open window.

Miguel’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, enough for the veins to bulge slightly as he turned to you.

His expression was a mixture of frustration and resignation. “Could you just listen to me?” He sighed, his voice softened but still firm. “This race is going to be shorter, so you won’t be sitting there for long anyways.”

You crossed your arms over the window frame as you leaned in, accepting defeat.

“Fine…” you huffed, still feeling salty about the uncomfortable bleachers you had to sit on. Hopefully, you could find a good spot this time around. Though, you didn’t turn to leave just yet, “Oh and by the way, is there anything I can give you if you win?”

Miguel furrowed his brow inquisitively “Why? What’s the occasion?”

You flashed your teeth in a grin that tugged on his nerves. “I’m feeling extra generous. So what do you want? And be sensible, please.”

You emphasised the last sentence with a firm tone.

He paused longer than you anticipated but you could see he was thinking. Either he was skeptical about the sudden generosity or he was coming up with an answer. “What about those tamales you made the other day again,”

“Oh uhm,” you chewed on your lower lip. That wasn’t an answer you would have imagined he would give. “I was thinking you’d ask for something more tangible,”

“Food is tangible,”

“Yeah…until you eat it and it’s gone.” You quipped. The first time you tried to make tamales, it didn’t turn out well. But Miguel still finished off his serving and gave you a positive verdict.

At the time, you assumed he was only being nice to spare your feelings. You didn’t expect him to actually like it so much that he would request for you to make it again.

Suddenly, you remembered his wish list that he saved. “What about those gloves you’ve been eyeing instead?”

He pulled a face. “You’ll get me those? No complaining that it’ll hurt your pockets?”

“Yep, I think I owe you after I accidentally broke your mug anyways,” you said, almost too eagerly. At least buying some gloves would avoid another mess in the kitchen.

“Alright, I accept. Just don’t expect me to lend you any of my stuff for a while.”

You pressed your lips together in mild annoyance before you spoke hesitantly, “…I’m gonna take a seat now,”

You turned your heels before you ascended up the stairs and took a seat on one of the bleachers. The seats were metal and you could feel it digging into you. A few people brought blankets to sit over it— you regretted not doing that.

The crowd was a mixture of seasoned racers, newcomers, and regular spectators, all feeding off the thrill of the event.

Despite being surrounded by a diverse group of people, you still felt out of place. It might stem from the fact that your sole purpose here was because of Miguel.

You weren’t too interested in the other cars or in placing bets. Hell, you weren’t that enthusiastic about racing as much as Miguel.

But regardless of that, you would still attend these events just to watch him. You kept your focus on his car, positioned perfectly for an optimal view.

It was Miguel and another driver— a 1 on 1 race. The flagger stood between the two cars with both hands raised, signaling the drivers to get ready. Your pulse quickened as you waited in anticipation, both cars revving their engines.

Finally, finally, the flagger lowered his hands and immediately both drivers slammed their foot down on the gas, launching them both forward and leaving a trail of smoke behind— almost tangible with its raw energy of the race.

The acceleration was impeccable; both cars became a blur as they sped down the road. The sound of the engines roaring and tires screeching reverberated in the open space, vibrating in your chest.

The other car was fast, but Miguel’s driving skills and raw power of his car gave him an advantage. His movements were fluid and precise as he manoeuvred each turn with unflinching accuracy.

His car was a few feet ahead of his opponent and close to the finish line. In a matter of mere seconds, his car crossed first and a chorus of cheers and screams erupted from the crowd.

You watched his car pull up to the side before he killed the engine and stepped out. Immediately you leaped to your feet and dashed towards him with exhilaration.

His adrenaline was infectious, fuelling your own excitement. You wanted to get to him first before people formed a crowd around him and share the moment of victory.

As you drew closer to him, he turned towards you. The last thing you saw was his growing smirk before you collided against his chest and wrapped your arms around him in a tight embrace.

The impact knocked the winds out of him, literally, before his back hit against the hood of his car. The sudden action stunned him into momentary silence before he let out a low chuckle.

After recovering from his surprise, you felt his arms wrapped around you to pull you closer. For a while, you stayed like this, with the fabric of his clothes rubbing against your face. He wouldn’t let anyone else do this and you knew that.

“Not gonna say anything?” He teased, still having his arms around you. “And here I thought you’d be excited for me,”

“My ass hurts,” you mumbled against his chest.

“Uh huh. That’s what you’re complaining about?” You felt one of his hands reach lower to smack your rear in retaliation. “Not gonna congratulate me for winning?”

“Oh yeah…that too hmm.” You said in feigned disinterest just to prod him further. You could sense that he was amused by your obvious acting. He loosened his grip on you slightly, just enough to look down at you with a growing smile.

“I just won that race, you know?” There was no hint of annoyance or anger in his tone as he said that. He was mirroring your unserious attitude.

“So I guess I’ll be getting you those gloves now,”

“That also means you’ll be dishing out your wallet for me,”

“That’s not an issue. I think I’m more financially sensible than you are,”

“Sure…it better be a good brand and not some cheap gas station ones,” he remarked as he opened the door and stepped back inside his car.

You followed suit and hopped onto the passenger’s side. “What kind of woman do you take me for?”

“The kind that probably won’t get me the brand I want.” He started the car and pulled out of the edge. “Just be glad it’s gloves instead of something actually expensive.”

He drove further away from the crowd of people until you reached a more quiet side of the docks. He killed off the engine before he reached over to his jacket pocket.

He pulled out the last cigarette packet, but the moment he put it between his lips, you reached over and grabbed it. Fortunately, he wasn’t holding it with his teeth, so you managed to take the stick out of his mouth before crumpling the paper between your fingers.

“Aye— what the shock was that for? I was gonna smoke that,” he scowled. snapping his head to glare at you.

“I know,” you rubbed the tobacco grit between your fingers before it landed on his lap.

“And I don’t even have a new pack on me,” he huffed out in irritation before leaning back against his seat to sulk for a moment.

You were going to say he looked like a child right now, but you decided to spare him the teasing after the mess you made on his lap.

“Good, I don’t want to stain my hands again,” you said, looking at your soiled fingers before rubbing them clean on your clothes.

“You really are a pain in the ass sometimes…”

“Yeah? You’re lucky I didn’t use a water gun this time,”

His muscles tensed at the reminder, like he had just been pricked by a thorn. The colour drained from his face, his annoyance giving way to his dread as he recalled the last time you doused him with a water gun after he tried to light a cigarette.

“Please don’t use that thing on me again,” he shuddered, you could almost see the flashback behind his eyes he remembered how soaked his clothes were that day.

After you both graduated from college, Miguel developed a habit of smoking. You didn’t know if he picked it up from someone else’s influence or if it was from stress.

At first, you didn’t think much of it until you saw how many sticks he would smoke a day. From that point on, you made it your mission to get him out of his habit before he fell further into the addiction rabbit hole.

“Well, I don’t need to now, but I got this just in case,” you reached for your own jacket pocket and pulled out a mini water gun toy. You could see from the clear plastic that it was filled to the brim.

Miguel’s face fell further at the sight. “Oh my God. Where did you get that from?”

“There was a small kiosk selling these toys,”

“Okay. Okay I won’t smoke anymore. Just put that thing away…”

You aimed for his neck and pressed on the trigger to spray the water. The water pressure force wasn’t as strong as the bigger water guns you had back at home, but it still did the job.

Miguel jolted at the sudden spray. He rubbed his neck that was now wet. “I just said I won’t smoke, why would you spray me?”

“That was a warning,” you replied, the soft sound of the water sloshing inside added to your taunt.

“Dios…At least give me the water gun before I deck you,” he extended his hands out to reach for the water gun so he wouldn’t get sprayed again.

But you knew better and pulled your hand away so the toy was out of his reach.

“Yeah…I’m not falling for that,” you knew that if you handed it over, he’d likely use it against you until it was empty.

“Do you really have to act like a parent with my smoking habits?” He groaned, still annoyed about being sprayed.

“You know that no one else will have the patience to do this,”

“Siii, but you’re so annoying when you do it,”

Something struck you at that moment, maybe it was realisation or an awakening. The moisture in your mouth dried instantly and your voice dropped to a more serious tone. “One day you’ll miss me doing it when I’m not around anymore,”

His face warped, like he had just tasted bile. “¿De qué estás hablando?

“You know we won’t be this close when you settle down,”

You knew he wouldn’t be this free-spirited once he tied the knot with somebody. It was why you never held your tongue and always tried to savour every moment with him, making each one memorable while keeping him on his toes, so you’d have no regrets.

But at the same time, you kept a lingering guard up and braced yourself because at any given moment, he will drift away from your life without even realising, leaving you stuck in a cycle of longing.

Miguel scoffed at your words. “Like I’d ever be in a relationship, and I’m perfectly happy with that,”

You rolled your eyes, not convinced in the slightest. “That’s a lie,”

“What are you talking about? You know I don’t want to be tied down to some prissy girl that’ll just nag at me all the time,”

A romantic relationship with Miguel never really crossed your mind but as you listened to his words, you found yourself slipping into a dangerous territory of what-if’s.

Being friends with Miguel was like standing in front of an unmasked door, behind which lay different shelves that were locked up with different keys, all revealing different sides to him.

You’ve known Miguel for a long time and you got to witness many of those sides; his pressure-cooker moments, his happiest times, and even his vulnerable self, despite his hard exterior.

So it was only natural for you to be curious on how he might behave as a life partner. Would there be a completely different demeanor that you’ve never seen in him before?

You couldn’t recall him flirting with any girls either even though he had slept with some. It was hard to imagine, but you had to ask.

“Hypothetically speaking, what if that prissy girl was me?”

His expression changed with shocking duality, you almost didn’t recognise this side of Miguel. You couldn’t pinpoint where your words had struck him the most, his heart or his head. But you could definitely see how conflicting he was.

“You…you don’t know what you’re saying. How would I even respond to a question like that?” His voice almost slipped as he spoke.

Maybe the question was too broad, so you took a more direct approach. “Okay, simple question: would you tie me down if you had the chance?”

He let out a sigh before his lips formed a tired smile. “You’re not giving me any options to avoid this, huh? Always looking for the upper hand.”

What was that supposed to mean? He was avoiding a direct answer, for sure.

“No, just curious…”

“Yeah, I probably would…” he finally admitted. You would think you would be surprised by his answer, given his closed off behaviour and his reluctance to any intimate connections, but you weren’t.

“Why’s that?” You asked.

“Probably because you’re the only one that stuck around when no one else did. You don’t get super clingy, and yet, you somehow manage to piss me off.” He sighed, you almost didn’t catch his lips curled up. “But despite that, I still find it endearing. Maybe I like having you around me more than I let on,”

You were taken back by his statement. You've never heard him talk about you like that before. Sure, he had reiterated multiple times that you’d piss him off in the past, but this time it sounded almost…affectionate, in his own gruff way.

But you didn’t want to look too surprised so you masked the effects of his words with a joke. “Ohhh, was it the water gun?”

“Could you shut up about the water gun for five minutes?” He seethed through his teeth, exasperated.

He turned his head away and from the reflection of the side mirror, you could see him squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose.

Seeing Miguel annoyed like this was one of the things you were used to witnessing from him. But right now, you couldn’t help but notice that he was holding something back.

Maybe it was because he had just confessed that he would date you and he was pissed off that you coaxed that information out of him. You couldn’t tell.

But you didn’t expect him to turn in his seat and pull you into a firm, almost desperate hug. You could feel his breath fan against your skin as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

You wrapped your arms around his form and patted his back, a gesture that felt intimate and oddly routine. You knew that initiating an embrace like this was outside of his comfort zone, and yet he still melted under your touch.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you murmured softly.

Miguel’s grip on you tightened in response to your words before he pulled away to look at you, his eyes searching your face. “Cállate y bésame entonces.”

You tilted your head and you couldn’t hold back a witty remark when you said “Just a peck?”

Miguel didn’t say anything at that, instead he gave you a low scowl before his lips connected with yours with a quiet intensity. The kiss was neither hesitant nor overly passionate but something in between— like testing the waters.

Everything was deliberate from the way he pulled you closer to his hands sliding up to cradle your face. His touch kept you grounded in the moment.

You were grateful the kiss was kept at a controlled pace rather than it being more sensual— or you would’ve lost your senses.

The kiss broke naturally and left you both breathless. Miguel’s forehead rested against yours while still holding your face.

“Move to the backseat,” his order came out as a rough whisper. However you were still dazed from the kiss that you didn’t pick up what he said at first.

“What?”

“The back,” It took a moment for his words to fully register in your head. Once you clocked on what was happening, you felt your adrenaline spike.

Though you couldn’t bring yourself to question it further since you were more focused on the uncomfortable position you were in with your body still being twisted to face him.

You nodded, not trusting your own voice, before you shifted out of the passenger seat. Everything felt more electric as you opened the back door and both slid inside.

You slipped off your jacket and placed it on the seat beside you before you felt Miguel’s hands on your hips. He guided you onto his lap so you were straddling him and facing him directly.

The backseat offered more room and allowed more natural closeness.

“You know,” you began, trying to put some levity into the moment, “this is a bit dramatic, even for you.”

Miguel gave you a blank look, unamused by your comment. “Coming from someone who carries a water gun in their pocket,”

Before you could retaliate to his words, he pressed his lips on yours again. With the current position he had over you, he could deepen the kiss just by tilting his head so his lips locked in firmly.

You couldn’t help but lace your fingers through his locks as he kept kissing you. His hands hike up under your shirt, resting his hands over your bare waist and pulling you closer to him. You shivered at his touch.

He pulled away to look at you with caution. “May I?”

Out of instinct, you nodded mutely

He lifted your shirt up higher, pushing both sleeves over your shoulders but didn’t take it off all the way. Instead he let it hang around your neck, too desperate to touch you further to finish the job.

You were expecting him to yank your bra off. But instead, he pulled each cup down gently, gradually exposing each breast. It was a pleasant surprise given that you were accustomed to rough treatment from previous partners.

But experiencing a different side, specifically from Miguel, evoked a feeling that you couldn’t quite pinpoint. A fluttering sensation took flight in your stomach before you felt a slickness in your panties.

Were you seriously getting this turned on by his gentle touch? The thought almost sounded absurd, yet the soft caress of his fingers made your heart race in ways you hadn't expected.

He pulled you forward into him again and buried his face into your chest. You felt his hand slide over your back to unhook the bra clasp and allowed it to slip off. He peppered wet kisses over each breast.

You gasped when you felt his tongue flickered over the stiff nipple, arching your back further into his mouth. To add onto the mounted pleasure, he started grinding up against you so you could feel his hard on beneath you.

You pulled yourself away so he could fumble with his jeans and pull the flier down. The scene folding in front of you was making your head spin as he managed to get his pants fully off before he looked back up at you.

You couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his head right now but judging by his heavy breathing and how staggering his movements were, it was safe to say that he was as much of a mess as you were.

You pulled your own pants along with your soaked undies before you shifted closer and hovered over his throbbing cock.

Sinking yourself lower, you felt yourself burn up as you stretched out to accommodate his thickness. Miguel’s head hit the back of his seat with a shaky groan. Your silky walls were pulling him deeper eagerly until you felt his balls clench with your ass.

“Guide me ... I've never done this before,” You didn’t know why you didn’t say anything beforehand, but the feeling of him buried deep inside you made you quickly realise how real this moment was.

You noticed the flicker of surprise in his eyes before it quickly vanished. You weren’t a virgin. You’ve both had your fair share of experiences with your separate partners. But you’ve never topped anyone like this— especially in a car

“Okay…just relax and…start lifting your hips and then drop back down,” there was a startling shift in his tone to something more tender yet raw.

Hearing him talk you through it made you wonder how often he had done this in his car. But you forced yourself to dismiss the thought further before you opened the door to jealousy. You never had room for that and you weren’t going to start now.

You lifted yourself up, but not too high that he would slip out, before you dropped back down. He was reaching your deepest heat and feeling the friction from his dick in this position was dizzying.

Immediately, a breathless groan erupted from his throat and his grip on your hips tightened. He had to gather himself before he spoke again.

“Good…just do that again,” his approval went straight into your head but you managed to keep yourself controlled.

You repeated the same action until you were fully accommodated to his dick inside you and found a rhythm you were comfortable with.

You wanted to savour every moment and feel the pleasure you were taking from him. As you kept rocking your hips, both your moans and labored breaths filled the car.

“Is this okay?” You breathed, as if the noises he was making right now weren't obvious enough.

“Sí. Just like that,” he struggled to spatter out as you kept moving.

You tried to control your breathing, focusing on keeping a steady pace with your hips rather than the overwhelming desire pooling in your stomach.

Everytime he would utter more words of encouragement, it sent a shiver down your spine, making it increasingly difficult to maintain your composure.

His eyes seemed to linger onto yours longer than what you were used to and it made your heart stutter. You didn’t like the effect he was having on you just by his eye contact alone so tried to block it out by dropping your gaze to where your bodies were connected.

That only did you a disservice, however, because now all you could think about was his confession from earlier with his words replaying over and over in your head.

A sharp gasp slipped out from you when you felt him piston his hips up against you in sync with your pace. The sudden thrust from him caught you off guard and almost lost your grip.

He picked up on your reaction and stopped immediately, rubbing your hips apologetically. “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

You wouldn’t say it hurt you but the sensation definitely felt like a jolt. “No no, you just caught me by surprise. Could you do that again?”

You could sense something inside of him snap before he reacted to your words immediately. He jerked his hips up against you and began a somewhat controlled pattern. But he didn’t let his desires overwhelm him at the expense of your comfort.

No matter how attentive he was to you and your needs, you couldn’t bring yourself to lean into his touches for too long, afraid that you’d get too attached.

Every fiber of your being was screaming at you to give in and let your emotions take over. Yet, a small part of you grappled with caution, afraid of losing control and ending up getting hurt.

Soon, you couldn’t keep up with his pace but his hip thrusts alone were enough to give you the friction that you needed from his cock.

You buckled against him with each thrust, sending your body into a frenzy. You could feel yourself losing control and letting him do the work.

You’ve never felt anything like this before. Blood was rushing to your ears, thumbing in sync with your pulse, making it hard to think. Maybe it was the lack of ventilation in the car, or the confined space combined with both your laboured breaths.

No that can’t be it, you thought. The heat spread through your body was too intense to be explained away so easily.

Miguel, what have you done to me?

You were going to ask Miguel to slow down or maybe ask why you were feeling this way but all that could come out of you were desperate whines.

As your body moved on its own, reacting to the sensation you couldn’t quite place, a moment of clarity hit you like a wave. All the thoughts and emotions that you’ve been pushing away tonight came crashing down with an undeniable force.

That was when you realised that taking a step further with your relationship with Miguel didn’t sound so bad. You could come around to the idea of having him as more than a friend. It was risky but it didn’t have to be complicated.

Maybe you could do more than just test the waters with Miguel. As your climax built, it wasn’t just a physical release. It was an emotional awakening.

“Don’t hold back,” his words were direct but enough to coax you further. “That’s it, let me hear you,”

The moment you felt yourself contract around him, Miguel pulled your face in and latched his lips onto yours almost desperately.

That was enough to fully tip you over the edge. The tension that had been knotting in your stomach finally snapped as you reached your climax.

Your body shuddered and arched against him as you felt yourself unravel. Your body slumped onto his chest from exhaustion.

Miguel gasped, giving one last jerky thrust upwards before he reached his own peak, filling you with his hot release. His broken moans almost came out as a whimper as he buried his face into your neck.

He lifted you off his cock, almost reluctantly, before you both came down from your high. The stretch from his dick was still present, even after pulling out. You definitely were going to be sore for a while.

The car was starting to feel stuffy now with the limited space and the intensity of the moment in the car.

Miguel broke the silence, his words wrapped with vulnerability, “Don’t ever leave me,”

There was a foreign warmth that spread across your chest but instead of masking it, you caved into it. “Wouldn’t dream of it,”

You leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on his forehead, something you never thought you would do. But the tranquility of the afterglow didn’t last long when Miguel’s hand subtly slipped into your jacket pocket, where you kept your water gun.

Without breaking eye contact, he retrieved the toy, with so much stealth, you barely registered what was going on. By the time you realised, your reaction time was too late.

Miguel had already aimed the water gun at you. Your eyes widened in shock and a sudden burst of adrenaline surged through you, triggering your flight or fight.

“Ay ay ay!” You exclaimed before you were sprayed on the neck. The smugness from him was almost palpable now as he kept spraying you.

“That’s what you get for surprising me while I was smoking,” he gave a wolfish grin.

You squirmed beneath him, trying to avoid the spray of the water tickling your neck, but his aim was relentless.

“¡No es divertido cuando el uno que no se divierte eres tú, eh?" He taunted, echoing your earlier words.

“Okay okay I got it—” you yelped. The spray halted abruptly, and you quickly wiped your neck.

When you turned to look at him, you saw the water gun was now spattering, nearly empty. You couldn't help but snicker. “That doesn’t hold a lot of water, you know.”

He rolled his eyes and tossed the toy aside. He shifted in his seat under you as he was becoming uncomfortable.

“I need to get out of this car,” he muttered.

Oh.

You took this as a hint to climb off his lap to adjust your bra before pulling your shirt and pants on. He did the same, getting himself fully situated again then reaching over to open the door.

You were immediately overwhelmed with the crisp breeze against your flushed skin. You took a few deep breaths, taking in the fresh air.

The dock was desserted now with the crowd from earlier long gone, the only evidence from the event were the tire tracks on the floor.

Stepping outside made it easier to clear your head and think straight. Looking at Miguel, you realised those moments of excitement and fondness towards him weren’t just from the height of pleasure, but they were anchored in something deeper.

Your heart started raced as you watched Miguel, who was leaning on the car door silently. His hand hovered over his mouth absentmindedly, an old habit as a smoker.

You sucked in the air between your teeth before you spoke. “What are you thinking about?”

He hummed before leaning in closer to you. “You…and how annoying you are…”

You frowned. “I’m serious,”

“Oh well…” he started, his eyes still on you before they dropped to the ground. “I was just thinking how unfair it is that you made me feel so good and then you shut it off while I have to deal with the aftermath,”

You felt a chill thread down your spine. “What makes you think that?”

“You don’t seem affected by this like I am, you just got out of the car like it was nothing,”

Yikes.

You hadn’t realised how nonchalant you must’ve looked while you were in deep thought after getting out the car. You swallowed dryly and opened your mouth to speak before the situation was blown out of proportion.

“Well you’re wrong…and that’s not the post-sex talking.” It felt cathartic saying that out loud, almost like the words solidified your feelings.

“Dios…” he muttered to himself, his face flushed with embarrassment. It was ironic having him be more emotionally exposed than you were right now. He looked back at you with a sheepish expression, his voice sounding slightly nervous now, “So you feel the same? You’re affected by it as well?”

You scoffed at his obliviousness, but you couldn’t blame him. You hadn’t exactly been explicit with your feelings. “Yeah, you really had an influence on me,”

Miguel turned his face away to conceal his bashfulness, but you could see it clearly. It was refreshing and this tender side of him would be a memory you’d keep locked in your head. “You…can’t say stuff like that and expect me to stay calm,”

You took a moment to gather your thoughts. “Well, we don’t have to figure it out now,”

You looked out into the horizon and noticed a glow from afar. “The sun is rising,” you said. “Do you wanna get some ice coffee?”

Miguel looked at your kind of sight before he turned to you. “Yeah, I think we both need it after…that,”

He pushed himself off the car, took your hand, and lead you to the passenger side. Once you were in, he took his seat behind the wheel.

Miguel started up the car before driving off, leaving the dock side and heading into the awakening city. The ride was quiet now, with the newfound tenderness that hung in the air as you tried to locate the nearest coffee shop before the rush hour began.

Maybe you could discuss things properly after some caffeine.

This fic is literally the embodiment of Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna

Water gun inspired by this vine

[helioooss]

fable

synopsis: minji and y/n are both from a conservative town - and end up falling for each other. days are spent sneaking around…longing for someplace they can be themselves.

w/c: 5k+

warning: homophobia, death, mostly internalised, swearing, drinking, kissing, having to hide who you really love sucks. just angst

a/n: okay, this is important. as per recent events, and the sole reason why i’m publishing this now: i will not be continuing this story as it just feels like a fever dream to write about women loving other women - specifically (and surprisingly) in a country like america, where this is set. as of right now, there will be no part two.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

rhodes was a quiet country town, one where the land stretched out wide and the houses were all spaced apart, each standing tall with big porches and rocking chairs that creaked with the passing winds.

folks around here lived simply; big families, old traditions, and everyone knowing each other’s business, even when you’d rather they didn’t. the only real landmarks were the towering silos, murphy’s diner and the stretch of farmland that seemed endless.

most of your afternoons were spent in your pa’s garage, under the hood of a truck or fixing up your old dirt bike. you had an affinity for engines, grease-streaked hands and the rhythm of mechanical work that required no words, just understanding. keeping to yourself mostly, you were content with the company of horses, the comfort of solitude and the occasional bonfire with your old man.

it was just him and you, after all.

then there was minji. she was as close to royalty as you’d get around here. your family lived in a modest house with a big porch that overlooked acres of field. across from you was her family estate — a sprawling place with manicured gardens, stables, and a wrap-around porch that seemed to stretch out as far as the eye could see. their cars were sleek and pristine (except for the old bastard her dad loved driving around), it was the kind of place people would point out as if it were a tourist attraction.

more than that, she had a charm that seemed to light up every room she walked into.

since you could remember, the two of you always walked to school together even though you didn’t really know her. it was a quiet, unspoken arrangement that had developed over the years, when parents told you to look out for each other.

conversations were rare; she was usually scrolling through her phone or listening to music through one earbud while you kept your gaze on the gravel road, hands in your pockets. you never questioned it and she never acknowledged it, but somehow, every morning, she’d be waiting at the end of her driveway and the two of you would fall into step.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the first time you really looked at minji was a fall morning in junior year and she was standing under the maple tree at the end of her driveway — her hair catching the early light, eyes focused on some distant point beyond the fields.

she looked so serene, so out of place in the rough simplicity of rhodes and you couldn’t shake the feeling that she was something special; someone you wanted to know, even if you never could.

but people like her weren’t meant for people like you — so you kept your head down and fell into step beside her as usual.

and you were okay with that.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

until one day, she surprised you by initiating a conversation as you walked down the familiar road to school.

“you know, you’re kinda mysterious,” she said, her voice teasing but curious. “you don’t ever talk, even at school.”

you looked at her, caught off guard. “me? i think i’m just quiet.”

she laughed, a sound that made something in your chest tighten. “no, it’s more than that. you’re like…really the silent type.”

you shrugged, not really knowing what to say. words weren’t your strong suit; you were more at ease with tools and machines than with people.

however, there was something about her that made you want to try.

over the next few weeks, you found yourself talking to her more. she would start conversations; it was mostly small things — questions about school, comments about the weather, a shared laugh at the antics of the local town characters.

however, each word, each moment felt significant, like you were building something fragile and precious between you.

“so, what’s your favourite song right now?” she asked, a big grin plastered on her face as she kicked pebbles ahead of you.

you thought about your answer, humming. “my pa’s always singing bruce springteen, so probably one of his songs.”

she clapped in excitement, turning to you. “so does mine, which song?”

“y’know, i’m on fire — a classic,” you rubbed your nape, feeling small under her gaze. “but when we’re at murphy’s, he plays rocket man on the juke.”

“but what do you like? imagine we were at the diner right now, what would you sing?”

“well, right now, i’ve been humming to i remember everything; zach bryan.”

she nodded, satisfied. “good choice - i’ll listen to that tonight and think of you.”

and then one morning, you found her waiting by the fence at the end of her driveway, twirling a loose strand of hair around her finger as she stared out over the misty fields.

you greeted her with a nod, falling into step beside her. “you look bored.”

“i always am,” she heaved out a sigh. “there’s nothing to do ‘round here.”

for a while, you walked in silence, the gravel crunching under your boots as she hummed a new tune. it was quite obvious that there was a lot going on in her mind, so you let her be.

“do you ever get tired of rhodes?” she asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

you glanced over at her, surprised. “what do you mean?”

she shrugged, looking down at the road as she walked. “it just feels like…i don’t know. like i’m supposed to be somewhere else. somewhere bigger.”

you considered her words, feeling the pull of her restless energy. “you mean the city?”

“maybe,” she murmured. “somewhere with more people, more things to do. sometimes i feel like i don’t fit here, you know?”

you nodded, though your own feelings were mixed. it was predictable yet comforting in its own way. yet you could understand her need for more, her desire to break free of the small-town expectations that kept people in their places. “what would you do?”

“law, music; anything to get out of here,” she said without hesitation, her eyes lighting up. “it’s silly.”

“it’s not silly,” you replied softly, surprised by the passion in her voice. “it’s brave.”

she laughed, but there was a hint of sadness in it. “i don’t feel very brave. i mean, look at me. all i do is cheer and go to parties and pretend i’m happy with all of this.”

you didn’t know what to say. she had always seemed so confident, so sure of her place in the world. seeing her like this, vulnerable and unsure, made you feel closer to her in a way you hadn’t expected.

“well,” you said finally, keeping your voice light, “if you ever want a ride out of this place, i’ll let you borrow one of my pa’s a hundred trucks someday.”

she glanced at you, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “you’d really let me borrow those precious trucks?”

“maybe,” you said, pretending to think it over. “as long as you promise the old boy not to crash it.”

she laughed, the sound filling the air around you, and for a moment, the tension melted away, replaced by something easy and warm.

yet deep down you knew, she was going to leave one day.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

it was a chilly afternoon at school and you were leaning against the wall outside your classroom just waiting for the bell to ring.

you’ve got your hands in your pockets, watching the last leaves fall from the trees outside. the day has been long, filled with the usual classes and quiet looks exchanged with minji as she passed you in the halls. she always offered a small, secret smile — a reminder of the connection the two of you were quietly building.

you were lost in your thoughts amongst the crowd when a shadow loomed over you.

taehyung, one of the football players, all swagger and confidence as he stands a little too close, sizing you up like you’re beneath him. you’d fixed his car a few times before; his dad’s an old friend of your uncle’s and he would stop by the garage a handful of times, always with that same arrogant smirk.

“hey y/n,” he began, crossing his arms over his chest. “i need you to look at my car again. it’s making this weird noise, and i don’t have time to deal with it.”

you raised an eyebrow, unfazed by his tone. “when’s it making the noise?”

he shrugged, as if your question was pointless. “i don’t know. all the time, i guess. you’re the one who’s supposed to know about these things, right?”

prick.

you bit back a retort, reminding yourself that this is just how he talked. besides, fixing cars wasn’t just a job to you; it was something you enjoyed. “bring it by the garage after school. i’ll take a look.”

he didn’t say thank you, didn’t even acknowledge your offer to help. instead, he scoffed, looking at you like you were a servant he summoned. “good. i’ll swing by later. and don’t keep me waiting, alright? i got football early.”

before you could respond, another voice cut in. it was minji; and she didn’t look too impressed.

“excuse me,” she said, her tone icy and uncharacteristically sharp. she was standing just a few feet away, glaring at him with a look you’ve never seen on her before. “is that how you talk to people who are helping you?”

he turned to her, surprised, then chuckled, clearly amused. “oh hey, minji. didn’t see you there.”

“obviously,” she snapped, taking a step closer. “because if you had, you might have remembered that it’s rude to treat people like they owe you something.”

he seemed taken aback, clearly not used to being called out, especially not by someone like her. “what’s the big deal? it’s just y/n. she’s used to this kinda stuff.”

“just y/n?” she repeated, her voice growing colder. “y/n’s doing you a favour. the least you could do is show a little respect.”

you stood there, stunned, not used to seeing minji like this; fierce and protective. part of you wanted to pull her back, tell her it was all good, but the other part is quietly grateful for the way she was standing up for you.

he rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed. “whatever, minji. i don’t get why you’re so worked up over this.”

“because it’s common decency, taehyung,” she said firmly. “and maybe you should try it sometime.”

the tension hung heavy in the air, a standoff between the most powerful kids in town as a few students nearby glanced over, was a rare event to watch.

“fine,” he muttered, barely meeting your gaze. “thanks for, uh, looking at the car — i guess.”

it was a half-hearted apology, but you took it, nodding slightly. “no problem.”

with one last glare at her, taehyung stalked off, muttering under his breath. as soon as he was out of earshot, she turned to you, her expression softening, worry flickering in her eyes.

“sorry if i overstepped,” she said quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “it just…he shouldn’t talk to you like that.”

you sent her a small smile, feeling a warmth spread through you. “thanks, you didn’t have to do that.”

she shrugged, but there was a softness to her gaze that made your heart skip a beat. “maybe not. but i wanted to. you’re too nice sometimes, you know?”

you laughed, glancing down, feeling a little shy under her stare. “guess i just don’t see the point in getting worked up over guys like him.”

“well, maybe you should,” she said, her tone teasing. “or you could just let me get worked up for you.”

“i’ll keep that in mind,” you chuckled, trying to ignore the way her words made you feel.

for a moment, neither of you said anything, the silence stretching between you in a way that felt natural. then minji looked around, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“wanna skip the rest of the day?”

you raised an eyebrow. “skip school? miss ‘perfect attendance’ minji wants to cut class?”

she laughed, her smile wide and free. “just this once. come on, let’s go into into town.”

you hesitated, glancing back at the school, but the look in her eyes was too tempting to resist. with a grin, you nodded, gesturing towards the main door. “alright, then. let’s stop by murphy’s.”

skipping class wasn’t something either of you did often, but today felt different — a small rebellion that felt like it belonged to you and her alone.

the two of you walked in comfortable silence down main street, minji bumping her shoulder playfully against yours every so often. the breeze danced the leaves around, the occasional folks passing by and giving you questionable looks - you didn’t say much, but the unspoken ease said more than words could.

after a few blocks, you found yourselves standing outside murphy’s diner, the familiar chipping paint and neon sign buzzing quietly in the afternoon light.

you held open the door, nodding for her to go in first. “after you, punk.”

she laughed, shaking her head as she stepped inside. “i should be saying that to you, you’re the bad influence here.”

“i think it’s mutual at this point,” you replied with a grin, following her into the diner.

the place was nearly empty, save for a couple of regulars at the counter and murphy himself, looking half-asleep behind the cash register. he perked up slightly when he saw you both, adjusting his stained apron and giving you a nod of acknowledgment.

“hey kids,” murphy called out, not quite smiling but his eyes crinkling in what could pass as friendly. “what brings you in here on a school day?”

“just felt like a change of scenery,” minji answered, sliding into a booth by the window. she glanced at you, a mischievous spark in her eyes. “thought we’d come sample your famous pie.”

he snorted, crossing his arms. “famous, huh? that what they’re calling it now?”

“sure is,” you said, grinning as you took a seat across from her. “heard you’ve got some new ‘experimental’ flavours going on. i might be feeling brave today.”

“i’d rethink that if i were you, your pa’s guts couldn’t even handle it,” he replied, one eyebrow raised. “but i’ll get you both a slice of the apple. can’t go wrong with the classic.”

as he shuffled off to the kitchen, minji leaned across the table, resting her chin in her hands. “you come here a lot, huh?”

you nodded, looking around the diner with a sense of quiet fondness. “yeah. it’s kinda like…i don’t know. a second home, almost. it’s pa’s favourite place in the world — him and murph go way back.”

she smiled, her gaze softening. “i can see that. i used to come here with my mum when i was little. she’d always get me one of those gigantic milkshakes, and then i’d feel sick for hours afterward.”

“so nothing’s changed,” you teased, and she laughed, rolling her eyes.

“not true. now i can handle my milkshakes without the regret,” she looked around, taking in the retro red booths, the old-fashioned jukebox in the corner and the small posters lining the walls. “it’s got that old charm to it, you know? like it’s been here forever.”

“probably has,” you replied, glancing over your shoulder to make sure he wasn’t listening in. “murphy’s just as much a part of this place as the food is.”

she laughed, shaking her head. “and his infamous temper. last time i was in here, i saw him argue with some poor guy over how much sugar he was putting in his coffee.”

“sounds about right,” you said, chuckling. “you know, i think he’s convinced he’s running some kind of fine dining establishment.”

“let him dream,” she replied with a grin. “it makes this place more interesting.”

murphy came back a moment later, setting down two plates in front of you, each with a thick slice of pie that steamed slightly, the golden crust flaking off at the edges.

“your pa know you cut classes now, y/n?” he sent you a funny look, one that made you gulp. “you in luck, i keep secrets to m’self these days.”

“thanks murph,” you smiled as minji tried to suppress her laughter.

he poured you each a cup of coffee without asking, grumbling under his breath about “kids these days” before disappearing back behind the counter.

she picked up her fork, cutting into the pie and taking a tentative bite. her eyes widened, and she made a small noise of approval. “okay, i’ll admit, this is actually pretty good.”

you took a bite as well, nodding in agreement. “he’s a little eccentric but the man knows how to make a pie.”

she glanced over at murphy, who was pretending not to watch you both from the corner of his eye. “maybe we should give him some credit.”

“don’t let him hear you say that,” you warned, keeping your voice low. “next thing you know, he’ll be charging ‘gourmet’ prices.”

she laughed, covering her mouth, and for a moment, everything felt easy and light, like the two of you were just regular kids, free from the weight of expectations or small-town gossip.

you watched her laugh, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners, and felt an overwhelming sense of warmth in your chest.

“so, what else do you do around here?” she asked, leaning back in the booth and sipping her coffee, eyes fixed on you with genuine interest. “besides fixing trucks.”

“not much, honestly,” you admitted, shrugging. “sometimes i’ll go out riding horses. there’s this trail out by the woods that’s perfect for it.”

“do you actually?”

“yeah,” you replied, a little surprised by her excitement. “my family’s got a few. i’ve been riding since i was a kid, how have you not seen our horses?”

“i guess i never noticed,” she said, sounding almost awestruck. “i always wanted to learn, but mum was convinced i’d end up falling off and breaking something.”

you chuckled, picturing a young minji, her eyes bright with excitement. “it’s not that dangerous, as long as you know what you’re doing.”

“well, i wouldn’t know what i’m doing, so there’s that,” she replied, laughing. “maybe someday you could…teach me?”

the question caught you off guard, but you nodded, trying to keep your voice casual. “yeah, sure. we could go sometime. i’d love to show you.”

a comfortable silence settled between you as you both finished your pie, stealing glances out the window at the quiet town beyond. it was strange, this sense of peace you felt around her, like you could share anything and it would feel normal.

after a while, she sighed, setting down her fork and looking at you thoughtfully. “thanks for bringing me here. i feel like i’m seeing this town in a new way, you know?”

“happy to share it with you,” you said, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. “you make it feel different too.

minji’s cheeks flushed a little, but she didn’t look away. instead, she just smiled as you both let the quiet settle in again, savouring the feeling of being together.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

one weekend, like you had promised, you led minji toward the stables; showing her around the fields and introducing her to the horses. she was practically bouncing with excitement, taking everything in with curious eyes.

she’d been asking about the horses ever since you’d told her about them back at murphy’s, and today, she’d finally convinced you to let her come by to meet them.

“they’re even bigger up close,” she said, her voice filled with awe as she reached out, hesitating just a moment before brushing her fingers over the soft nose of your favourite horse, duke.

you grinned, patting duke on the neck. “he’s a gentle giant, aren’t you, buddy?”

duke gave a soft snort, leaning into your touch and her face lit up with a smile that made something warm bloom in your chest.

“can i feed him?” she asked, glancing at you for approval.

“sure,” you replied, grabbing a couple of carrots from the feed bucket nearby. “just keep your hand flat and he’ll be careful.”

she took the carrot, holding it out with her hand as you instructed and giggled as duke’s soft muzzle tickled her palm. “oh my god, he’s so sweet!”

“yeah, he’s a good boy,” you said, watching her with a fond smile.

seeing her here, surrounded by the horses and the familiar quiet of the stables, felt strangely right, as if she’d always belonged.

as she moved on to pet one of the other horses, you heard footsteps coming up behind you. turning, you saw your dad strolling into the stables, wiping his greasy hands on an old rag.

he raised an eyebrow when he spotted minji, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“well, well, didn’t expect to see you bringing company out here, y/n,” he said, his gaze flicking from you to her with a look of pleasant surprise.

she turned, a bit flustered but quickly recovering with that bright smile of hers. “hi mr. l/n,” she greeted him, polite and cheerful as ever.

“minji,” he began, chuckling softly as he extended a hand, which she shook firmly. “heard a lot about you from your da. never thought i’d see you out here in the stables with y/n.”

“guess i just wanted to see the horses,” she responded, throwing a quick, slightly embarrassed glance at you. “she’s been telling me all about them.”

“did you now?” he gave you a knowing look, one that made you want to roll your eyes, but you held back. he’d always had that look in his eye whenever he saw you with friends, but this was different, he seemed more…amused.

“she’s never seen them ‘round, pa,” you laughed. “can you believe that?”

“well, make yourself at home,” he told her with a wink. “and darling, while you’re at it, i need you to run down to mrs. kim’s pet store later and pick up the order i put in. she’ll know what it is.”

“sure thing,” you replied, used to the occasional errand for him. “anything else?”

“and since you’ll be out, why don’t you stop by murphy’s and bring me one of those experimental pie slices too? been hearing a lot about his latest concoction.”

minji laughed, catching the joke. “are you sure you want to try it, mr. l/n? murphy’s experimental flavours can be…questionable.”

your dad chuckled, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “that’s exactly why i want it. figure life’s more fun with a little culinary risk, right?”

“you sound like murphy,” you said, shaking your head. “can i take the ‘88?”

“yeah, well, maybe he’s onto something,” your dad replied with a grin, giving you a pat on the shoulder. “alright, you two have fun with the horses. don’t let her talk your ear off about their ‘good temperament,’ minji.”

you huffed. “you didn’t answer my question!”

“yeah, yeah, whatever - s’long as you keep minji impressed over here.”

you rolled your eyes as he walked away, a smirk on his face as he disappeared out the stable door, clearly amused by the whole situation.

“your dad seems nice,” she said, her voice soft, watching him go.

“he is,” you replied, a touch of pride in your voice. “he’s the one who taught me everything about taking care of these guys. treats them like family.”

“i can tell,” she said, her stare lingering on you with a look that made you feel both shy and a little flustered. “him and my dad drink in our garage sometimes.”

“talking about cars and engines, i bet.”

“when do they not?”

after a while, you finished up at the stables, promising minji that you’d let her come back to ride sometime soon. together, you walked down main street, heading toward mrs. kim’s pet store for your dad’s order.

when you pushed open the door to the shop, the familiar musty scent of birdseed and old carpet washed over you.

mrs. kim looked up from the counter, her ever-present scowl deepening when she saw you and minji step inside.

“what do you two want?” she barked, her voice sharp as ever. her parrot, archie, squawked in response, as if echoing her sentiment.

“just picking up an order for my pa,” you replied, unfazed by her grumpiness. “he said you’d have it ready?”

she grumbled something under her breath, shuffling off to the back room. archie, watching you intently, tilted his head and squawked again, “no freeloaders!”

mrs. kim had been running the pet store for as long as you could remember; she was infamous for her suspicion of teenagers and her tendency to talk to her parrot, archie, as if he were her business partner.

“archie’s in a good mood, i see,” minji whispered, fighting back a laugh.

“archie’s always in a ‘good’ mood,” you replied with a smirk. “he and mrs. kim are like two peas in a pod.”

“i heard that,” mrs. kim snapped from the back room, making both of you jump.

you shot minji a look, both of you trying not to laugh. a moment later, she returned with a small bag and set it on the counter, eyeing you suspiciously. “make sure your dad pays on time this time, y/n.”

“he always does — got the wrong person again, mrs. kim,” you replied, handing her a few bills as she huffed, muttering about “young folks” under her breath.

as you turned to leave, minji leaned over the counter, giving mrs. kim a bright smile. “thank you, mrs. kim! we’ll be back soon for more of archie’s wisdom.”

her scowl softened just a fraction, and she gave her a begrudging nod. “well, you better keep your hands off the merchandise if you do.”

“of course,” minji replied, her voice light, before giving archie a little wave. “bye, archie!”

archie bobbed his head, squawking one last time, “no freeloaders!”

the two of you finally left the store, stepping back onto the sunny sidewalk, both of you dissolving into laughter as soon as you were out of mrs. kim’s radar.

“i swear, she’s the grumpiest person i’ve ever met,” she said, wiping a tear of laughter from her eye. “but i kind of love her.”

“i know,” you said, shaking your head. “town wouldn’t be the same without her, though. she keeps us all on our toes.”

“yeah,” she agreed, a soft smile on her face. “it’s kind of funny…i always talk about wanting to leave, but when i think about leaving people like mrs. kim or murphy behind, it actually makes me a little sad.”

you looked at her, surprised by the vulnerable admission. “you’ve been around them your whole life. it’d be weird not to have them around.”

“i know,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “as much as i want to get out, sometimes i think about what i’d be leaving behind. like…like little pieces of myself are tied to this place.”

“maybe that’s what makes it home,” you said softly. “all these weird, wonderful people who make this place what it is.”

she looked at you, her expression thoughtful, and nodded. “yeah, maybe you’re right.”

“archie’s a character, too,” you added, switching back to a lighter conversation. “he’s probably the one keeping her in business.”

“definitely. everyone goes there just to see him, not her.”

“well, at least your dad knows how to keep life interesting,” she mumbled as the two of you strolled back toward murphy’s diner. “between ordering experimental pie and dealing with mrs. kim’s antics, i’d say he’s living his best life.”

you chuckled, feeling a warmth in your chest at the thought of your pa and the quirky charm of your small town. “yeah. he’s got it all figured out, i think.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the sun was just starting to set as you sat on the porch with your dad, the last light casting a warm glow over the fields. he rocked slowly in his chair, a half-smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he looked over at you.

“so…you and minji been spending a lot of time together, huh?” he asked, in that familiar teasing tone of his.

you rolled your eyes, trying to act unbothered. “we’re just hanging out. she’s nice, that’s all.”

“just nice?” he raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “funny, ‘cause from what i hear, you’ve been giving her the grand tour of rhodes and introducing her to all the horses and such. don’t usually do that with just anyone.”

heat crept up your neck. “it’s not like that,” you muttered, glancing away. “besides, nothing’s ever gonna happen. you know how this town is — everyone goes to church on sundays and thinks people like me are going to hell.”

he was quiet for a moment, letting your words settle between you.

you felt the weight of them, the ache that came with knowing this town had walls, even if they were invisible.

“and anyway,” you continued, barely above a whisper, “minji’s straight. she’s probably just being nice ‘cause she feels sorry for me or something.”

your dad shook his head, his eyes soft and understanding. “kid, that’s nonsense. i don’t think she’s the type to spend time with someone just ‘cause she feels sorry for ‘em. from what i can see, that girl genuinely likes being around you — her da says that too.”

“even if she did, it wouldn’t matter.” you sighed, a mix of frustration and resignation in your voice. “this town…it’s not like people here would ever accept it. i mean, they’re all so set in their ways, and they’ve known each other forever. they’d never understand.”

he sent a thoughtful nod. “you’re right that people here got their ways. but you know…folks talk, but they don’t talk bad. they care about family, about helping each other out. they got their beliefs, sure, but i don’t think they’d turn their backs on you; you’re family.”

you looked down, fiddling with a loose thread on your sleeve. his words gave you a flicker of hope, though you weren’t quite sure if you believed him.

“and besides,” he added, a sly smile breaking through, “this isn’t about the town, is it? it’s about how you feel.”

“i know, but it doesn’t matter now. or ever. she’s too pretty, anyway.”

he leaned in, dropping his voice like he was sharing a secret. “so…you think she’s pretty, hey?”

you felt your face burn as you tried to stammer out a response, but before you could say anything, the sound of footsteps interrupted. you looked up, startled, and there she was — minji, standing just a few feet away with a shy smile, her eyes flicking between you and him.

“uh hey,” she said, clearly sensing she’d walked in on something. “i didn’t mean to interrupt, just thought i’d watch y/n work in the garage.”

it was nearly impossible to find your voice, too flustered to do anything but offer a small wave. your dad chuckled, his gaze bouncing from you to minji, and back again.

“well, speak of the devil,” he began, his voice full of that familiar warmth. “sweetheart, we were just talking about you.”

shooting him a look, you plead him to be quiet but the teasing glint in his eyes told you he wasn’t done yet.

she raised an eyebrow. “all good things?”

“y/n here was just saying how nice you are,” he continued, completely unfazed by your glare. “always good to see good folks spending time together.”

she smiled, her eyes catching yours for a brief second; something unreadable flickering in her gaze. “well, y/n, you’re pretty great company yourself.”

your pa just grinned, clearly pleased with himself, and gave you a little pat on the shoulder before he stood up. “i’ll leave you two to it, then.”

and with that, he strolled inside, whistling a tune, leaving you standing there, your heart pounding in your chest, trying to figure out what to say to the girl who had suddenly made everything feel so complicated.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the day minji returned to rhodes, the sky was heavy with the kind of grey clouds that seemed to hold a familiar quiet.

four years had slipped by since she’d left, the city pulling her away like a magnet, offering her a life she thought she wanted – or at least, a life she thought would make her forget. now, sitting in her da’s ‘72 chevy as he drove her back from the station, she felt the strange sense of both everything and nothing changing.

the truck rattled as they drove down the winding road that led into town, its worn seats and rusty interior a stark contrast to the sleek offices she was used to. it was only when she glanced down that she noticed the shiny new bolts in the dashboard, the hint of fresh paint.

“dad, did you fix the truck?” she asked, running her fingers along the smooth edge, noticing the little changes.

he chuckled, shaking his head. “i wish, y/n fixed it up. finally had the time to look under the hood,” he said, a hint of pride in his voice as he tapped the steering wheel. “opened up her own shop a year back. doing well, from what i see — helping me look after old girl here.”

she felt a twinge in her chest, an old, familiar ache she’d buried beneath years of work and distance. you. the girl who loved her in the quietest, fiercest way — the one she left behind. it was hard to picture you now, four years later, still here in the town that had once felt too small, too suffocating for her.

“she opened her own garage?” she repeated, trying to keep her voice casual, though her heart was pounding. the last she’d heard, you had been working odd jobs, fixing up trucks for people on the side, but she’d never imagined you actually staying, putting down roots here.

it didn’t quite make sense to her — you were keen on leaving, at some point.

“she did,” he nodded, his voice warm with the admiration he held for you. “that girl’s got talent and folks around here know it. opened the place up some years after her pa passed…not too long after you left, actually.”

the words hit her like a slap, sudden and jarring. “her dad…passed away?” she asked, barely able to get the words out. she felt a pang of guilt settle heavy in her stomach, a sick, sinking feeling that twisted through her. “what?”

he nodded, his expression softened with a sadness she hadn’t noticed before. “it was sudden. heart attack, coroner said. she was…well, she was left to handle things on her own. the town tried to help, but she didn’t really let anyone in. shut herself off, y’know?”

she stared at the passing landscape, her heart heavy with guilt and regret, memories surfacing of all the times she’d spent in their yard, watching you and your dad tinker with the trucks.

“sweetheart, tell your da to let that old girl rest,” he often joked, referring to the chevy. “and tell him to give it to me.”

he’d always had a way of making her feel like she belonged there, even though she was just a girl who’d wandered over too many times — looking for an excuse to be near you.

she could still remember his warm laugh as he handed her a sandwich, the smell of grilled cheese filling the air, sometimes even murphy’s pies, you rolling your eyes but smiling anyway as he fussed over them, asking if you’d had enough to eat, if you wanted something else.

she’d spent countless afternoons like that, sitting on the tailgate of an old truck, the three of you laughing and talking like a makeshift family.

and there were the stables, where your dad and her own had shown them the basics of horseback riding, teaching her how to hold the reins, how to stay calm. she could still hear his voice, patient and steady, guiding her through each step, his pride evident every time she got something right.

those moments had felt like a small slice of paradise, a simplicity and warmth that she hadn’t appreciated enough at the time.

now, the weight of her absence settled over her, a hollow ache that grew with each memory. “why didn’t anyone tell me?” she asked, her voice trembling with frustration. “i would’ve…i would’ve come back…or done something.”

her da heaved a sigh, his expression sad but understanding. “darling, it wasn’t exactly an easy thing to bring up. you were busy with college, building a life out there, we didn’t want to pull you back into something you’d left behind. and y/n, she wasn’t letting anyone in. not even us.”

“she shut everyone out?” she whispered, her chest tightening at the thought of you going through that alone. “i was her…friend.”

she’d left, chasing a future in the city, cutting ties, thinking she could escape without looking back; you stayed.

the town looked the same — fields stretching out wide, familiar old houses dotting the road, half-empty streets lined with memories she’d tried so hard to bury. she remembered thinking she needed to get out, to be someone bigger than this place. everything felt smaller, yes, but also somehow more real.

“your friends are still around, you know,” he said, glancing over at her. “danielle, hanni, haerin, hyein; most folks have moved on, but those girls are still here. might do you some good to see them while you’re back.”

she smiled faintly, memories of their laughter, their teenage dreams, filling her mind.

“maybe,” she murmured, though her thoughts were elsewhere.

he gave her a sideways glance, his eyes softening with something close to pity. “you know, darling, it’s funny how we all make a big fuss about things that don’t really matter,” he began slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully. “when you two were younger, we all knew. hell, everyone knew. this town may be small, but we ain’t small-minded.”

she shifted in her seat uncomfortably, looking down at her hands. she could feel the sting of shame creeping in, a bitter taste at the back of her throat. “you…you didn’t care?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

minji felt stupid — realising just how much of her fear had been rooted in an imagined rejection, an unfounded worry of not being accepted in the eyes of her own family.

he shook his head, his expression soft. “we just wanted you to be happy. you two were good for each other. anyone could see that. your mother and i, we didn’t care, not like you thought,” he sighed, looking out at the familiar fields and fences as they passed by. “but you ran off, and i think she, well, she tried to move on too. but this town has a funny way of holding on to people.”

“what do you mean?” she bit her lip, playing with the hem of her shirt.

“she left when you did, but came back,” he admitted, sighing. “think she wanted to find you, knocked on our door one night asking for your address.”

her heart dropped. “why didn’t she call me?”

“y/n and phones don’t work well together,” he laughed lightly. “we tried to call you to let you know, but you were barely answering anyone ‘round the time —“

“i’m sorry,” a tear slipped out of her eye. “i didn’t mean to; i don’t know why i acted like rhodes didn’t do me any good.”

he placed his hand on top of hers, squeezing it gently. “whatever happens, you apologise to that girl, alright? make things right before you leave her again — you two were good together.”

she nodded, unable to look at him, her mind racing with memories, with the realisation of all she’d left behind, the things she’d tried to forget.

the words settled over her it was soothing a wound she hadn’t known she still carried. she’d spent so much time running, afraid that love would trap her, would limit her to a small life in a small town.

right now, sitting beside her da, she felt a strange sense of clarity. perhaps she’d underestimated this place and the people in it.

they drove in comfortable silence until, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted someone riding a horse along the edge of the field that bordered the road.

her heart skipped a beat as she recognised the figure — your figure, sitting tall and steady, guiding duke with practiced ease; his golden brown coat shining against the light. you looked so much like the girl she remembered, and yet different, a little older, a little harder, like the years had carved something new into you.

when the truck drove pass, you forced yourself to remain steady, giving a small nod to her dad. yet you kept your gaze neutral, as if minji wasn’t even there, like the sight of her hadn’t stirred something deep within you.

she was just another face in the passing cars, another stranger returning to a place she’d left behind.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

everything started to change in senior year. maybe it was the way she began to linger a little longer at the gate, waiting for you even when her friends had already headed off without her. or maybe it was the stolen glances, the subtle softening of her expression when she looked your way, as if she saw something there she hadn’t noticed before.

whatever it was, you both fell into it quietly, like it was bound to happen someday.

it started as a subtle shift. you had always coexisted in the same small world, but it was only in those final years of high school that the space between you began to close. you couldn’t remember exactly when the glances turned into something more, when the quiet nods in the mornings became soft smiles, lingering a second longer than before.

the summer night was thick with warmth, the air alive with laughter, music, and the soft crackle of a bonfire that cast flickering shadows across the lake.

these gatherings always felt a little surreal, like you were watching a movie of someone else’s life from the outside, not quite fitting into the easy flow of conversation and laughter that everyone else seemed to slip into naturally.

minji was there too, laughing with her friends, her figure caught in the soft glow of the fire. she was radiant tonight, her summer dress clinging to her as she moved. you tried not to look at her too much, to avoid the tightness in your chest whenever she glanced your way or threw her head back in laughter at something one of her friends said.

she was beautiful, so bright and alive that it hurt to look directly at her for too long, like staring into the sun.

you kept your distance in front of the fire, knowing it was safer this way. you were her friend — but that was all. wanting more than that was a line you couldn’t cross, a risk you weren’t sure you could take.

and yet, it didn’t stop the ache, the impossible yearning that twisted inside you every time you saw her smile at someone else.

“hey buddy,” hanni scooted beside you, handing you another can of beer. she was one of minji’s friends from the cheerleading team. “why don’t you join her?”

you shook your head, warmth rushing to your cheeks as you took the budweiser. “thanks hanni - and i’m all good, i’m too awkward to make conversation anyways.”

she chuckled, cracking her can open. “minji talks a whole heap ‘bout you — all good things too.”

“that’s good to know,” you smiled. and for a second, minji’s eyes land on you both, motioning for you to come. “go ahead, join them.”

“s’ppose i should,” she stood up, patting your back. “come join us later, yeah?”

it was as you were lost in thought that he appeared — sunoo. he slipped into their group around, all charm and confidence and leaned close to minji, his hand brushing against her arm as he said something that made her laugh. she didn’t pull away, didn’t seem to mind his closeness and the sight of it made your stomach twist.

what he wanted was too obvious; it was written all over his face, in the way his eyes followed her, the way he leaned into her like she was already his.

there was some sort of bitterness churning in your chest. sunoo was everything you weren’t —outgoing, popular, confident in ways you couldn’t be. he could have her without hiding, without pretending and the thought of it was like a knife twisting in your heart.

you weren’t sure how long you watched them, how long you let yourself feel that raw, consuming ache, but eventually, it was too much.

without a word, you turned and walked away from the bonfire, letting the noise and laughter fade behind you as you headed down toward the jetty, where the lake stretched out into the dark, quiet and still untouched by the party.

letting your feet dangle over the water, you stared out at the lake. the gentle lap of the waves against the wood soothing but not enough to calm the storm inside you.

it was painful, this quiet longing, this want that could never be more than a secret. you wanted her more than you’d ever wanted anything but you knew you’d never be able to have her the way you wanted to — openly, without fear, without shame.

she was quiet as she walked down the jetty, her footsteps soft, almost hesitant. when she finally reached you, she sat down beside you, her legs swinging over the edge as she stared out at the water, her face bathed in the silver glow of moonlight.

“there you are,” she muttered softly, not looking at you. “why did you leave?”

you shrugged, keeping your gaze fixed on the lake. “just needed some air.”

“is that really all?” her voice was steady, but there was something beneath it, something careful and probing.

you clenched your jaw, unwilling to admit it. “i just didn’t want to be around all those people.”

she didn’t answer right away, and you could feel her watching you, her gaze intense, searching.

“y/n,” she said after a long pause, her voice barely above a whisper. “why don’t you ever look at me? really look at me for a second longer?”

the question startled you, and for a moment, you couldn’t find your voice. you looked away, your heart hammering, feeling raw and exposed under her stares. “what are you talking about? i look at you all the time, minji.”

“no,” she murmured, shaking her head, her eyes never leaving you. “not like that. not the way you look at me when you think i’m not watching.”

you swallowed, feeling a surge of panic. you hadn’t realised she’d noticed the way your gaze lingered a little too long, the way you watched her like she was the only person in the room. you’d thought you’d hidden it well, that she couldn’t possibly see the feelings you’d kept buried so deeply inside.

“minji, i…” you started, your voice barely audible, thick with everything you wanted to say but couldn’t find the words for. “it’s complicated.”

she didn’t look away, her gaze steady, unflinching. “complicated?” she repeated, a trace of frustration in her voice. “we both know there’s something here. we’ve both felt it…haven’t we?”

you wanted to tell her the truth, to let everything you’d been holding back pour out, but the words felt stuck in your throat, tangled up with fear and doubt.

“you don’t understand,” you told her, your voice barely more than a breath. “you’re perfect. you belong in the light, with people who can stand beside you without hiding. i don’t want to be someone you have to keep a secret.”

she let out a soft, shaky laugh, her fingers brushing against yours, sending a spark of warmth through you. “you think i care about that?” she murmured, her voice raw, vulnerable. “you’re the one person who’s ever really seen me. who’s ever made me feel like…like i’m enough.”

the honesty in her words was like a jolt, cutting through the walls you’d built around yourself. you turned to her, finally meeting her eyes and the intensity in them took your breath away.

there was something there, and for the first time, you let yourself hope — hope that maybe she felt the same way.

“minji…” you whispered, barely able to speak, your voice thick with everything you’d kept hidden. “i’m scared.”

she reached out then, her fingers grazing your cheek, her touch gentle but steady. “me too,” she admitted, her voice trembling just slightly. “but that doesn’t change the way i feel. i don’t want to hide from this, from you. not anymore.”

before you could process what was happening, she leaned in, her lips brushing against yours in a kiss that was soft, as if she were testing the waters.

you froze for a moment, caught off guard by the rush of warmth, the softness of her touch, and then you kissed her back; the weight of all your unspoken feelings pouring into that single moment.

her hands found their way to your neck, fingers threading through your hair as she pulled you closer, deepening the kiss, her lips warm and insistent against yours.

there was something desperate in the way she kissed you, as if she’d been holding back just as much as you had, as if this was a release, a breaking point you’d both been hurtling toward for so long.

when you finally pulled back, both of you were breathing heavily, her forehead resting against yours as she closed her eyes, a small, contented smile playing on her lips.

“see?” she whispered, her voice soft and full of warmth. “that wasn’t so hard and scary now, was it?”

you chuckled, a small laugh, feeling a sense of relief and joy you hadn’t known you’d been holding back. “not with you,” you murmured, your fingers lacing through hers.

she leaned her head against your shoulder, her hand still entwined with yours, the two of you sitting there in the quiet, the world around you fading into the background.

“my love,” she said softly, her voice breaking the silence, “i don’t care about what people think. i don’t care if we have to hide.”

you turned to her, feeling something settle in your chest, something warm and steady, and you squeezed her hand, nodding. “then we’ll make it work. one step at a time.”

she smiled, a soft, genuine smile that lit up her face, and as you both sat there on the edge of the jetty, the lake stretching out into the quiet of the night.

she was worth it. and for the first time, you let yourself believe that perhaps you could have this; the kind of love you’d always thought was beyond reach.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

for the next few months, your world became a quiet paradise — stolen moments and secret meetings. there was a thrill to it, hiding from the prying eyes of the town, laughing together as you pulled her behind barns or up into the fields where no one could see. it was always careful, always hidden. there was too much at risk if people found out – a town like yours didn’t take kindly to love that didn’t fit within its old, narrow-minded lines.

every day, you moved through the halls and classrooms, blending into the background, unnoticed by most, unless they asked you to look at their truck.

since you’d started seeing minji, your world seemed to shift in small ways that you couldn’t help but notice.

take lunch, for instance, it had started to feel like the highlight of your day. you’d usually sit alone or with a few other quiet friends, minding your own business, eating whatever lunch you’d packed from home.

on some days, she would appear, just casually walking by your table, glancing around like she wasn’t really looking for anyone in particular.

she’d give you a quick nod, a hint of a smile and drop something onto the table in front of you: a sandwich, a bag of fruit, or even a little box with cookies she’d baked the night before.

“you gotta eat,” she never said more than that; she’d just let the items slide across the table before walking off, her gaze distant, like she hadn’t just slipped you a part of herself.

“what’s that all about?” jimin asked you one time, his eyes twinkled with curiosity. “you bribe her or something?”

“just payment for fixing her car one time,” you lied through your teeth.

one of the days jimin wasn’t around, she handed you a sandwich wrapped in wax paper, carefully made, crusts cut off, the kind of neat, perfect thing you’d expect from someone like her.

you looked down at it, raising an eyebrow before looking up at her with a questioning glance.

she rolled her eyes but couldn’t quite hide the small smile playing on her lips. “don’t look at me like that,” she muttered, her voice low so no one else would hear. “i just…made an extra, mum thought it’d be nice for me to give the neighbour one.”

you couldn’t help but grin, glancing around to make sure no one else was watching before unwrapping it. the sandwich was cut into perfect triangles, layered with fresh ingredients, something better than you would’ve ever packed for yourself. taking a bite, you could taste a mix of flavours, like she’d actually put thought into what you’d like.

“you don’t have to keep doing this, you know,” you said quietly, the words softened by the smile you couldn’t hold back. “i don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“maybe i want to,” she replied, a hint of defiance in her tone. “and besides, it’s not like you’re any good at packing lunches.” she glanced down, brushing an invisible speck off her shirt. “consider it…payback for letting me take duke out for a stroll.”

you chuckled, shaking your head. “right, payback,” you repeated, knowing it was an excuse, a flimsy cover for something neither of you would ever say out loud, not here in this cafeteria, surrounded by people who wouldn’t understand.

“see you later?”

“later,” you nodded.

she began to walk away, but then turned around. “where’s jimin? why are you all alone?”

“oh, he’s somewhere ‘round the library.”

sometimes, in between classes, you’d find little notes slipped into the side pocket of your backpack, tucked away where no one else would see. they were simple, scribbled on scraps of paper, sometimes written hastily as if she’d been worried someone might see.

meet me by the bleachers after school.

or sometimes just a simple:

thinking of you.

each note was like a quiet reminder that, even in this place where you both had to pretend, she was still there, still yours in ways no one else could see.

and then there were moments in class, small interactions that felt like secrets passed between you in plain sight.

in history class, she’d sit a few seats ahead of you, close enough that you could catch her profile when she turned her head, her dark hair spilling over her shoulder. sometimes, she’d glance back, just for a second, and her eyes would meet yours. her lips would twitch in the hint of a smile, so brief that you’d almost wonder if you’d imagined it, before she turned back, her focus on the teacher, face calm and composed.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

one day, as the bell rang and students began to file out, you were gathering your things when you felt a light touch on your shoulder. you turned to find her standing beside you, her expression calm as if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to be waiting for you like this.

“forgot your pencil,” she murmured, holding it out to you.

you blinked, glancing down at the pencil in her hand. it wasn’t yours — it was hers, the one she’d been using to write down notes during english class.

“thanks,” you said softly, taking it from her. your fingers brushed, the brief contact sending a spark through you that you fought to keep off your face.

“no problem,” she replied, giving you a small smile before turning and slipping into the crowd, her footsteps blending with the sounds of students heading to their next classes.

after school, you’d wait by the bleachers, like she’d asked in her note, the cool breeze brushing against you as you watched the field, waiting for her familiar silhouette.

when she finally appeared, she’d slip beside you, careful to keep a few inches of distance in case anyone saw. but once you were alone, she’d let the distance disappear, leaning into you, her hand finding yours, fingers interlacing as if they’d been made to fit.

“you know, we’re pretty good at this whole sneaking-around thing,” she’d say with a smirk, her voice soft, barely more than a whisper.

you’d laugh, pulling her closer, the world fading as she looked up at you, her gaze warm and open, the side of her that no one else ever got to see.

“yeah, we are,” you’d reply, your voice thick with the happiness that came from simply being near her.

but it wasn’t perfect. minji was torn between her love for you and the life she was expected to lead. she still wore her role as the town’s golden girl, her perfect smiles and flawless routines. in school, she was still minji, the cheerleader, the girl who turned heads.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

it was early morning, sunlight barely beginning to filter through the kitchen window as you sat across from your pa, both of you wrapped in the quiet warmth of the house. he was sipping his coffee slowly, his gaze flicking to you over the rim of his mug with that familiar, soft smile.

mornings with him were usually quiet, a calm routine of eggs, bacon, and the occasional weathered joke about the new mayor or murphy.

but today, he looked at you with a different kind of mischief.

“so,” he started, drawing out the word as he reached for his mug, “i hear whispers that young love might be in the air.”

you choked a little on your toast, shooting him a look. “what’re you talking about, old man?”

he shrugged, the corners of his mouth twitching up. “oh, nothing. just that i’ve seen you two running around a lot more lately. seems like every time i look outside, you’re showing minji how to fix up the old truck, or you’re off to murphy’s together. ‘bout time you made a girlfriend, don’t you think?”

“minji’s not…i mean, she’s just…” you felt the heat creeping up your neck and ducked your head, focusing on your plate. “it’s nothing like that.”

“mmhm,” he hummed, watching you over the rim of his cup. his eyes crinkled in a way that suggested he didn’t believe you at all. “nothing like that. you know, i wasn’t born yesterday, kid. i know the look of young love when i see it. and i see it whenever she’s around.”

fidgeting with the handle of your coffee mugc you shifted in your seat. “we’re just friends, pa. it’s not…it’s not like that.”

“well, friend or not,” he continued, his voice softening. “i’m glad you’ve got her. this town can be small and stifling. finding someone who makes it feel a little bigger, a little brighter? that’s special.” he leaned forward, his expression gentler now, serious. “and if it’s more than that? well, that’s okay too.”

you were quiet for a long moment, letting his words sink in. your pa, who you’d thought would be the first to disapprove if he ever caught wind of anything between you and another girl, was sitting here telling you it was okay. telling you he saw something good in it.

“and even if we were dating…it’s not like folks around here would accept it,” you finally admitted.

he nodded, considering this. “you’re right. people here can be set in their ways. but you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and so does minji from what i’ve seen. besides, the world’s changing. more than you might think.” he reached out and gave your hand a comforting squeeze. “sometimes, you just have to carve out your own happiness, no matter where you are.”

you looked down at his hand over yours, feeling a sense of warmth and support that made your chest ache.

“you really think it could work?” you asked softly, almost to yourself.

“why not?” he replied with a gentle smile. “you two look at each other like there’s no one else in the world. that’s rare, kid. don’t be so quick to brush it off. your ma would be proud if she were here.”

the idea of a future, of something real and tangible with minji, flickered in your mind, fragile and uncertain. it was a thought you hadn’t allowed yourself to dwell on before, too afraid of what it would mean. hearing your dad’s quiet approval, his belief in something that had only been a whisper of hope in your own heart, made it feel…possible.

“so you’re seeing the town’s princess, huh?” he added with a smirk, breaking the serious moment and making you roll your eyes, feeling the heat creep up your cheeks again.

“i’m not talking about this with you, old man,” you muttered, but you couldn’t help the small smile tugging at the corner of your mouth.

just then, the screen door creaked open, and you glanced up to see minji standing on the porch, her hand raised in a tentative wave.

“speak of the devil again,” he said under his breath, giving you a knowing look before he stood up, his chair scraping against the floor. “morning, minji,” he greeted her, tipping his hat as he passed by. “got errands to run with your da today.”

as he disappeared into the other room, she stepped inside, flashing you a bright smile that only made your stomach twist further.

“hey,” she greeted, glancing between you and the door your dad had just exited from. “everything okay?”

you nodded, forcing yourself to return her smile. “yeah, everything’s good.”

later that afternoon — the fields were quiet, bathed in the soft amber of the setting sun, the sky stretching out wide and endless above you two.

you lied beside each other on the blanket, surrounded by wildflowers and the tall grass, nothing but the sounds of the distant crickets and the soft whisper of the wind between you. it was your secret spot, the one place in the whole world where you felt like nothing else mattered.

minji was on her back, gazing up at the sky with that faraway look she sometimes got, the one that told you she was somewhere else, imagining bigger things beyond the town limits.

you turned to watch her, the golden light casting a glow over her features, her expression open and hopeful in a way she rarely let anyone see. “you’re beautiful, you know that?”

she chuckled, tilting her head in your direction. “says you.”

then the silence returned — she was in deep thought again.

“baby, have you ever thought about it?” she asked suddenly, breaking the quiet, her voice gentle but filled with something electric. “leaving this place? just…going somewhere new, somewhere no one knows us?”

you let out a small, thoughtful hum, your eyes tracing the lines of her face. “not really. i mean, this is home. pa’s here. everything i know is here.”

“yeah, but there’s so much more out there,” she said, a glint of excitement in her eyes as she turned to you, propping herself up on one elbow. “the city is full of things we can’t even imagine. places to see, people who’d never think twice about…us.”

“and what do you imagine?” you asked softly, feeling your heart quicken at the way she was looking at you.

her lips curved into a small smile, her eyes bright with a dreamy sort of wonder. “i imagine living in a tiny apartment where you can see the city lights from the windows. going to diners at midnight, meeting new people, exploring places no one’s heard of. and not having to hide who i am, or who i’m with.”

she reached out, her fingers tracing lazy patterns on the back of your hand. “don’t you want that too?”

you sighed, glancing out over the fields, feeling a pang of longing you hadn’t even realised was there. “perhaps. i mean, i like it here. it’s…safe, you know? sure, it’s not perfect but it’s home.”

she fell quiet for a moment, her fingers still tracing patterns on your skin and then she leaned closer, her voice soft and persuasive. “but what if we could make a new home?”

you closed your eyes, her words wrapping around you like a promise. you’d always thought you’d stay here, grow old in the same town but the way she spoke, with such certainty, made you wonder if there could be something more — something that didn’t have to end with this field, this town, this life.

“it’s a lot to ask,” you murmured, opening your eyes to find her watching you, hope flickering in her gaze.

“i know,” she whispered, reaching up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear, her fingers lingering against your cheek. “but maybe we could try.”

“you don’t even know what it’s like out there, darling. the city isn’t…it’s not a fairy tale.”

“maybe it’s not,” she replied, her voice steady, resolute. “but i’d rather find out with you than stay here wondering. don’t you ever wonder?”

you looked at her, the conviction in her eyes making your chest tighten. “i do wonder. sometimes,” you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper. “but i’m scared. what if it’s too much? what if we…lose ourselves?”

she squeezed your hand, her gaze unwavering. “we won’t. we’ll have each other. that’s all we’ll need.”

and in that moment, you believed her. because if there was anyone who could make the world feel manageable, even the vast unknown of the city, it was her and her alone.

“you know,” you said, a small smile tugging at your lips, “for you, i’d probably do anything.”

her smile softened, a trace of something bittersweet in her eyes. “then come with me. let’s get out of here, together. i don’t want to look back and regret never taking a chance on this. on us.”

you looked away, toward the horizon, your heart pounding with a mix of excitement and fear. “i’d miss him. my pa, your parents, murphy…mrs. kim, jimin.”

she nodded, her hand still wrapped around yours. “i know. and he’d miss you too, but we’ll visit every weekend. it’s only a plane ride away.”

you thought about the way your pa had looked at you, the way he’d smiled when he saw you with minji. you looked back at her, feeling the resolve harden in your chest, a quiet courage you hadn’t known you had. “yeah. yeah, we will.”

she grinned, the joy in her expression contagious. “then let’s do it, y/n. let’s plan it out. save up, make it happen. we’ll find a way.”

and as the sun sank lower, you lie back in the grass beside her, letting yourself dream about a life where you didn’t have to hide. and you knew, deep down, that as long as minji was beside you, you’d be willing to try.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

it was a gradual thing at first, barely noticeable in the beginning. one day, minji’s texts were just a little shorter, her replies a bit slower. maybe she had a lot on her mind, you’d told yourself.

she had college applications and cheer practice and her family always had a thousand expectations. it wasn’t like she had to be by your side every second.

soon, the changes grew harder to ignore. from giving you lunches to none at all — she’d even take a spot further from your table, putting herself at a subtle distance. at parties or the diner, she’d laugh a little too loudly with her friends, her eyes skimming over you like you were just another familiar face in the crowd. her laughter, once soft and shared between the two of you, had become louder and brighter around others.

she was trying too hard, and that hurt more than anything.

and when you’d walk to school, she’d trail a few steps behind you, enough that it seemed like she wasn’t with you at all. every time she pulled back, it was like a small tear in something you hadn’t realised was stitched so deeply into your chest.

“everything okay, baby?” you’d asked one afternoon as you leaned against the locker next to hers, catching her alone for the first time in days.

she’d barely looked at you, her eyes flickering around the crowded hallway as if someone might see the two of you standing so close.

“yeah fine,” she replied too quickly, her voice light but hollow. “just busy. you know how it is.”

“righto,” you tried to keep the hurt out of your voice, shoving your hands into your pockets as you looked at her, trying to read her expression but her stare remained fixed on anything but you. “you’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

she hesitated, and for a brief second, the mask slipped. you saw the fear in her eyes, the uncertainty, but just as quickly, she hid it behind a bright smile. “of course, my love. there’s nothing wrong.”

she didn’t walk with you that day, catching a lift with one of the girls. and when you saw her with her friends, she barely acknowledged your presence. each day, it felt like you were losing pieces of her, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

another day, you’d been at murphy’s with her, sneaking glances at her from across the table as she sat with her arms crossed, tense. you tried to keep things light, talking about the old regulars who always had the same orders, the way murphy’s experimental pies could probably kill a man with one bite.

she’d laughed, but it was strained, and her eyes kept darting to the door, watching every person who walked in, as if terrified that someone might see the two of you together.

“are you…embarrassed to be seen with me now?” you asked, the question slipping out before you could stop it. it was softer than you’d intended, almost a whisper.

her face fell, and she shook her head quickly, reaching out before pulling her hand back as if she couldn’t bear to be caught touching you. “no, it’s not like that.”

“then what is it?” you pressed, leaning forward, heart pounding. “i don’t understand. we were fine a few weeks ago, and now…you barely look at me.”

she glanced around, her fingers twisting nervously in her lap. “people are starting to notice,” she whispered, eyes dropping to the table. “they’re… they’re talking, y/n. i heard some girls in my class say they saw us holding hands at the lake. and god, if people figure it out —“

“so what if they do?” your voice was harsher than you’d intended, frustration and hurt boiling over. “let them talk, minji. who cares? you said we were going to work through it together.”

“you don’t get it,” she snapped back, eyes flashing with something like fear. “you know what kind of town this is.”

you fell silent, her words cutting deep, the reality of what rhodes could be crashing down around you. it didn’t stop the ache in your chest, the feeling that she was slipping away, bit by bit.

“i just…i just need some space,” she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. “it’s not forever, y/n. just until things calm down.”

you nodded, trying to swallow the bitter taste of disappointment. “yeah, space. if that’s what you need.”

she gave you a small, apologetic smile, but it felt like a thousand miles were stretching between you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the morning sun filtered through your window as you adjusted your cap, tossing a few stray strands of hair under it. it was time to get back to your routine. you had thrown yourself into fixing trucks once again, focusing on the familiar sound of tools clanging and engines revving rather than the whirlwind of emotions that had consumed you since the fight with minji.

you spent the day working on a 73’ mustang in the garage, hands greasy and your mind occupied with the rhythm of tightening bolts and checking fluids.

when you heard laughter coming from the living room, you paused, wiping your hands on a rag and leaning against the doorframe.

minji’s parents were over, visiting your pa, and you could hear their chatter echoing through the house. your heart sank as you strained to hear her name amidst the laughter.

“she’s been spending a lot of time with sunoo lately,” her ma said, her voice full of casual concern. “i hope she’s not getting too serious with him. that boy is trouble.”

it felt like the ground had dropped beneath you, an ache rising from the pit of your stomach. you’d been giving her space, hoping it was what she needed to make sense of everything, hoping she’d come back. but hearing she’d gone out with someone else — it hurt more than you wanted to admit, more than you were prepared for.

“y/n!” she noticed you walk in, a big smile on her face. “look at you working hard — going to open up a shop like your pa, aren’t you?”

“no, she’s moving to the city with minji, aren’t ya?” her dad laughing, elbowing yours jokingly. “that’s if this old man lets her go.”

“if she asks nicely,” your pa responded with a teasing smile. “with minji.”

“nonsense, y/n will run this town one day,” she dismissed her husband.

“one day, ma’am,” you replied politely as you ducked your head. “i have to grab something from the back — i’ll leave you old folks to it.”

later that morning, you slipped back into your room quietly, not wanting anyone to see the way your face had tightened with barely-contained hurt. a few minutes later, there was a knock on your door.

“kiddo?” your dad’s voice was gentle. he stepped inside, giving you a long look, and you could feel him taking in the tension in your shoulders, the slight clench in your jaw. “you alright?”

you nodded, brushing him off with a forced smile, though you knew he wasn’t fooled. “yeah, just tired. lot of work on the mustang today.”

he sighed, settling into the chair by your desk. “i know things have been…complicated lately. if you ever want to talk, i’m here.”

you swallowed, feeling the weight of his kindness, but all you managed was another nod, the words you wanted to say too tangled to even begin to unravel. he patted your shoulder once, his touch reassuring, and left you with your thoughts.

you shrugged, avoiding his gaze as you threw your cap onto the bed. “yeah, just tired.”

he stepped closer, his voice softening. “you can talk to me if something’s bothering you.”

“it’s nothing, really,” you said quickly, trying to dismiss his concern. “just…school stuff.”

after studying you for a moment, you could see the wheels turning in his mind. “you know, when your ma and i used to have arguments — i was the same.”

you forced a smile, but it felt hollow. “i’ll be fine, dad. really.”

with a reluctant nod, he left you to your thoughts. but his words lingered, echoing in your mind, and you found yourself thinking of minji, of the way her laughter used to feel like home.

the next morning, you decided to change your routine. you started leaving for school earlier than minji, avoiding the moments you used to cherish.

this time, you rolled up the blue mustang you had been working on for weeks. it gleamed in the sunlight, the chrome reflecting the admiration of your classmates as they gathered around, whispering and pointing. you could feel the admiration but it didn’t fill the void left by minji’s absence.

for days, you kept this routine, ignoring her glances, her quiet attempts to catch your eye. the tables were turning, and even when you found small notes tucked into your locker or slipped between your books, you left them untouched, the sight of her familiar handwriting too much to face.

the hurt simmered, mingling with an anger you hadn’t expected — anger that you’d let yourself believe things could be different.

during lunch, you sat at the back of the cafeteria with mina and jimin, trying to engage in a thoughtful conversation.

“so, are you gonna drive jimin and i around town?” mina asked, half-joking. “dad saw it this morning and messaged me to ask you if he could buy it.”

“maybe,” you chuckled. “i don’t know if i can let go of these cars yet.”

“that’s why you don’t got a woman,” she rolled her eyes at you playfully.

“hey!” you slapped her hand off your redbull. “leave me alone, just cause you have boys lined up in your texts.”

you could feel minji’s eyes on you, the hurt and confusion etched into her features as she watched you laugh and joke with another girl — since when did mina even sit with you and jimin?

the pit in your stomach deepened as you noticed her brow furrow, an annoyed look crossing her face as she turned to hanni and danielle.

when you quietly walked with jimin to history class, he gave you a long look before speaking.

“you know, everyone’s been talking about the car,” he started with a smile, then softened as he took in your expression. “but i think there’s something more you’re not telling me.”

you hummed, trying to wave him off, but he just gave you that knowing look. “y/n, it’s okay. whatever’s going on between you and minji…i’ve always noticed. and i’m not here to judge.

you blinked, surprised. you hadn’t expected anyone to know, least of all jimin, and definitely not for him to look at you with nothing but love and understanding.

“i’ve always known,” he continued gently, “and if you’re worried about people finding out, don’t be. no one who matters will care about that. and you shouldn’t either.”

his words sank in, easing the knot that had been twisting in your chest for days. you sighed, finally letting the mask drop for a moment. “it’s just complicated. she got worried and now…”

he nodded. “sometimes people need to figure things out for themselves, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care. maybe give her a chance to explain.”

the confession hung in the air between you, and your heart raced. “it’s not that simple,” you finally said, frustration leaking into your voice. “i heard she was going out with that asshole sunoo, but she said she only needed space.

“right, but i’ve seen her slip notes in your locker, you should stop ignoring her,” he urged, his eyes earnest.

running a hand through your hair, you sighed. “maybe it’s for the best, that we don’t talk.”

“or maybe you just need to work things out. if it doesn’t go well, at least you’ll know.”

his words lingered in your mind long after he left, weighing heavily on your conscience. that evening, as you sat on your bed, staring at the ceiling, you realized that you couldn’t keep running away from minji.

the next morning, you decided to walk to school like usual when you see her standing just outside your gate, her arms wrapped around herself like she was bracing for something. she looked up as you approached, her expression a mix of nervousness and apology, her gaze hopeful but uncertain.

“can we talk?” her voice was soft, almost hesitant.

you nodded, leading her over to the side of the house, away from any prying eyes. the silence stretched between you, heavy with everything that had been left unsaid.

“i’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking a little. “i didn’t mean to hurt you. i just got scared. scared of everyone noticing, of what they’d think, of…us.”

you looked away, the hurt still fresh. “so you went out with sunoo?”

her face fell. “it’s not what you think. i was out with hanni and danielle. i told my parents i was with sunoo because i didn’t want them to think we were dating.”

you took a shaky breath, looking down at her, and the words spilled out before you could stop them. “so you pushed me away just because your folks noticed?”

she took a step closer, her hand reaching for yours, her touch gentle. “because i was scared. i didn’t know how to handle this, handle…us. but i’m not scared anymore. i don’t care what anyone else thinks.”

her words settled between you, softening the edges of your hurt. she squeezed your hand, her gaze unwavering, and for the first time in days, you let yourself believe her.

you pulled her into a hug, burying your face in her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around you, holding on like she was afraid you might slip away:

“don’t pull away again,” you murmured against her hair, the words a plea as much as a promise.

she nodded, her voice a whisper in the quiet. “i won’t. not ever again.”

as you stood there, the world around you faded, leaving just the two of you and the promise of a future that felt just within reach.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the weeks drifted by, and while things were back to a tentative normal between you and minji, you could still feel the hesitation beneath her smiles and laughter. she was there with you, present and warm but some part of her held back, like she was testing the waters but ready to pull back at any moment.

whenever you sensed it, you held your tongue, deciding to give her the space to come to you in her own time. you both kept your routines — trips to murphy’s, teasing mrs. kim until she would roll her eyes and tell you to stop distracting her. you’d sit in your usual booth, sharing fries and stories of the day, filling the air between you with a comfort that kept you going.

as the end of senior year crept closer, word spread about a big party at taehyung’s house to celebrate. when mina and jimin brought it up at lunch, your first instinct was to turn it down. you knew minji would be there, but something held you back from wanting to be part of the crowd.

“come on, y/n, it’ll be fun,” mina nudged, her grin contagious. “you’ve been working too hard on those trucks. you deserve a night to let loose!”

jimin, sitting across from you, chimed in with his usual calm encouragement. “plus, it’s one of the last times we’ll all be together like this. just for a few hours?”

after a bit of convincing, you finally sighed, “alright, fine. but if it gets too much, i’m leaving early.”

the night felt heavy with the anticipation of summer as you stepped into taehyung’s backyard, which was buzzing with energy. lights were strung up from tree branches, and music poured from a speaker on the porch, filling the air with a low, steady beat. people laughed and shouted around you, all in a celebratory mood as if they could already taste graduation in the air.

mina and jimin led the way, pulling you toward a quieter spot just beyond the bonfire. a large group had gathered but you found some space with your friends around a patio table set up under the stars.

minji’s presence across the yard kept tugging at you. she looked effortlessly pretty, caught up in animated conversation with hanni and danielle.

her laughter floated through the crowd, and every time she tilted her head to toss her hair back, it felt like your heart skipped a beat.

as you sat with jimin and mina, your attention was pulled back to their laughter and light teasing. you tried to let their words drown out the ache, listening as they joked about plans after high school.

“so, what’s next for you two?” mina grinned, leaning forward with a sparkle in her eyes. “i mean, please tell me you’re both sticking around?”

“definitely,” jimin nodded, his expression easy and relaxed as he took a sip out of his wine bottle. “my uncle’s got a job lined up for me at his mill. it’s nothing fancy, but it’s good work.”

you smiled at him, grateful to hear the certainty in his voice. “sounds like you’re gonna be the nepo baby of that mill.”

“hey,” he laughed, shrugging as he nodded his head at mina. “what about you?”

mina shrugged, looking out at the yard. “i’m probably helping out at my parents’ restaurant. not exactly glamorous, but i don’t mind. plus, i’ll be around to keep you two in line!” she shot you a teasing look, and you rolled your eyes with a smile.

the conversation shifted as minji, hanni, and danielle made their way over, pulling up seats around the table. it didn’t take long for the topic to extend beyond the girls.

“so, what about you, minji?” jimin asked, a faint curiosity in his tone. “you’ve got big plans, i bet?”

minji’s eyes lit up, her excitement unmistakable. “i’m planning to head to seattle. there’s a really great law program there and my mum already knows people who could help me get an internship. it’ll be…different, you know?” she looked around, her gaze lingering on each of you, but it felt like she was already somewhere else, looking past the small town lights and imagining herself far away.

you forced a smile, nodding along, even though the thought of her moving on without you gnawed at you. you were proud of her, but it was bittersweet. “that sounds amazing, minji. i’m sure you’ll do great.”

for a moment, she looked at you, a flicker of something in her eyes. you couldn’t quite place it, but it made your chest tighten, as if she wanted to reach out but held back.

then, just as quickly, she looked away, her attention drawn to danielle talking about how her family needed her help with their farm and hanni mentioning the fishing company just on the outskirts of town.

“so…am i the only one leaving?” minji asked, a hint of surprise in her voice.

mina chuckled, shrugging. “yup. the rest of us are staying. small-town life isn’t so bad, right?”

“well, taehyung, sunoo — those football boys have big plans outside of rhodes too, so it’ll be alright, don’t worry about us,” danielle tried to cheer her up at the sight of her frown.

she smiled, but there was a sadness to it, like she was caught between wanting to stay and feeling like she had to go. you wished you could reach across the table and tell her it didn’t matter where she went — you’d always be there for her, but you stayed silent, not wanting to disrupt the delicate balance you both shared.

“what about you though, y/n?” hanni asked. “i thought i heard your pa mention you were probably moving to the city.”

you shook your head, gently throwing sticks at the fire. “i don’t think i’ve ever mentioned that to him - s’ppose he’s just assuming i’ll try for an apprenticeship somewhere.”

“you’re not?” minji’s frown deepened, but quickly tried to mask it with a joke. “i mean…you could try for seattle with me.”

“i like rhodes,” you muttered, refusing to look at her. “perhaps, one day, but i don’t see any reason to leave now.”

before the silence could settle too long, taehyung stumbled over, clearly tipsy, with a gleam of mischief in his eyes. “alright, truth or dare time!” he slurred, eyes zeroing in on minji. “you in?”

minji, slightly emboldened by her drink, smirked. “dare. give me your best shot.”

minji, ever the bold one, smirked. “dare. bring it on.”

taehyung’s grin widened. “alright, i dare you to kiss my boy sunoo for five seconds!”

the table burst into laughter and shouts, some cheering her on while others shook their heads.

but you felt a strange pang in your chest, a mix of anxiety and dread as minji glanced in your direction. her eyes met yours, and you could see the hesitation there, the silent apology in the way she looked at you, as if she knew this would hurt. but then, with a resigned sigh, she turned and walked toward sunoo, accepting the dare.

you tried to steel yourself, focusing on anything but them, but it was impossible to ignore the crowd’s excited cheers, the way the laughter grew louder. you watched as she leaned in and kissed him by surprise, and in that moment, something between you broke.

“you alright?” jimin leaned over, his voice gentle amidst the noise. “you know she loves you, right?”

“i don’t know if i believe that,” you replied, your voice quieter than you intended.

minji laughed with everyone else, her face flushed from the alcohol, the warmth of the fire flickering in her eyes. it was weird, seeing her like this — untouchable, almost a stranger.

after the dare, an uncomfortable tension clung to the air between you. every time you tried to meet her gaze, she looked away, hiding behind the laughter of her friends.

you wanted to let it go, to shrug it off as a stupid dare that didn’t mean anything, but the image of her kissing sunoo stuck in your mind like a thorn. it wasn’t the kiss itself; it was the way she’d looked at you right before she did it, like she knew exactly how much it would hurt.

she knew, and she’d done it anyway.

the whole night felt like it was slipping out of your control and you desperately tried to ignore minji. every glance from her felt sharper, colder, and when you caught her eye again, she just rolled her eyes and turned away, as if you were being unreasonable. the hurt started to twist into anger.

“hey y/n,” minji finally said, loud enough for the others to hear. “you look like you’re having a blast. didn’t know you were such a party animal.”

her words were laced with sarcasm, and a few people chuckled, though it felt forced.

“i’m just here for the company,” you replied, keeping your tone even - swallowing the retort that sat on the tip of your tongue. “some of it, at least.”

“really? why don’t you let loose and —“

“you don’t have to be like this, minji,” you cut her off, your voice barely above a whisper. “you don’t have to wear this mask all the time.”

“be like what?” she shot back, raising an eyebrow, her tone turning defensive. “it was just a kiss. you’re acting like a jealous boyfriend or something.”

the words landed like a slap. you clenched your fists, the anger simmering beneath the surface, but you refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing you lose control.

“you know what? forget it,” you muttered, standing up. “i don’t even know why i came here — have a good night everyone.” you turned to walk away, ignoring the glances and murmurs from your friends.

it was jimin who finally broke the silence after you left. “what’s going on between you two?”

danielle and hanni exchanged a look, each of them glancing toward minji, who suddenly looked uncomfortable, the smugness gone from her face. she shrugged, avoiding their gazes. “nothing’s going on. y/n’s just dramatic.”

they all saw through her, the way she fidgeted, the way her eyes darted toward the direction you’d gone, almost as if she were second-guessing herself.

“maybe you should apologise,” danielle suggested gently, nudging her. “it seemed like it really hurt her.”

“apologise for what?” minji shot back, but her voice had lost its edge. “it was just a stupid dare.”

“doesn’t seem like it was ‘just’ anything,” hanni said, her voice soft. “not to y/n, anyway.”

minji glanced down, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve. she could feel their eyes on her, and for the first time that night, the laughter and noise of the party faded into the background, leaving her alone with the uncomfortable feeling she’d been trying to ignore.

the cool night air hit your face as you stepped away from the party, heading for the quiet of your truck. each step felt heavier, the hurt and anger swirling together.

you opened the door to your truck, about to climb inside, when you heard the crunch of footsteps behind you. you didn’t need to turn around to know it was her.

minji stood there in silence, her face partly shadowed, looking hesitant but unwilling to let you leave. she climbed into the passenger seat without a word.

the air in the truck was thick, the hum of the engine the only sound filling the silence between you. the moonlight filtered through the windows, casting a pale glow over minji’s profile as she sat with her arms crossed, her expression hard, lips pressed into a thin line.

she was angry, but so were you, though you could feel it simmering low, contained, refusing to boil over the way it wanted to.

the way you both wanted it to, maybe.

you kept your eyes on the road, jaw clenched, hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly. in the corner of your eye, you saw her glance at you, her eyes narrowing when you didn’t turn to meet her gaze.

she shifted in her seat, her fingers drumming impatiently on her knee. “are you really not going to say anything?” her voice cut through the silence, sharp and demanding. it was more than a question — it was an accusation, as if your silence itself was a betrayal.

you felt her eyes on you, waiting for some kind of response, some kind of reaction. but you just kept driving, eyes fixed straight ahead, jaw set, trying to steady your breathing.

“what do you want me to say, minji?” you finally replied, voice low and steady, though you could feel the anger straining beneath the surface, threatening to spill over. you didn’t want to look at her, because you knew if you did, you wouldn’t be able to hold back.

she let out a scoff, shaking her head. “god, you’re so…frustrating. i kissed someone for a stupid dare and you’re acting like i did something terrible.”

you really tightened your grip on the wheel, knuckles turning white. “you knew what that would do to me,” you said, voice barely more than a whisper, the words laced with hurt you hadn’t meant to reveal. “you looked right at me and you did it anyway. in front of my friends.”

“it was just a kiss,” she snapped, her tone dismissive. “it didn’t mean anything.”

you swallowed, feeling the hurt settle heavy in your chest. “maybe it didn’t mean anything to you, but it sure as hell did to me,” you shook your head, finally allowing yourself to look at her, your gaze steady, unflinching. “i thought this meant something to you too. what we have, all of it.”

“don’t you dare put this on me,” she shot back, her voice growing louder, harsher. “you’re the one who can’t handle a party game.”

“this isn’t just about a party game, and you know it,” you said, voice barely controlled, trembling with the effort of holding back. “you hurt me. i know you’re scared, but you have nothing to prove to them. you don’t owe these folks anything —“

“yeah right,” she laughed bitterly, throwing her head back as she cut you off. “that’s what this is about. this stupid, small-minded town.” her voice dripped with disdain, and for a moment, you saw a flash of something cold and sharp in her eyes that you’d never seen before. “well, newsflash, y/n: maybe i’m tired of hiding. maybe i’m tired of sneaking around and pretending that this —”

“say it, minji,” you dared her when you see the hesitation in her eyes.

she gestured between the two of you, her expression hardened, “this isn’t what it really is.”

the words hit you like a punch to the gut, the sting of betrayal mingling with the anger that had been simmering all night. “and what exactly do you think this is?” you paused, looking over at her. “because from where i’m standing, it seems like you’ll forever be ashamed of me.”

she didn’t reply right away, and the silence that followed was heavy, oppressive. she looked away, out the window, her jaw clenched, lips pressed together as if she was holding back something sharp, something cruel.

when she finally spoke, her voice was quieter, colder. “maybe it’s not you i’m ashamed of, but the fact that i have to pretend this is even a real thing.”

the words cut deep, slicing through the fragile hope you’d been clinging to. you took a shaky breath, trying to steady yourself, trying to keep the hurt from swallowing you whole.

“so that’s it then?” your voice broke slightly, but you forced yourself to keep going. “i’m just some…some phase for you? something to keep you entertained until you find someone who fits your perfect little picture?”

she let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “don’t twist this around. you’re the one who’s always so serious, who never lets anything slide. i mean, look at you,” she gestured towards you, her expression almost mocking. she was too intoxicated, letting words she’d been thinking all along out of her mouth. “acting like this whole thing is some grand romance when really, it’s just…it’s just something that happened. something that shouldn’t even be happening.”

you felt your heart shatter, the pain too real, too raw — you expected to hear it from other people, but not her.

“if that’s how you really feel, then why did you even start this with me?” you asked, defeated, eyes stinging as you fought to keep the tears from spilling over. “why make me think, no, why make me believe that maybe we could be something real? you made all these fucking plans with me!”

she looked away again, her gaze fixed on the passing landscape outside the window. “maybe i wanted to see what it felt like,” she said quietly, her tone devoid of warmth, of the softness that had once made you feel like you were the only person who mattered to her. “but i don’t think i can do this anymore. it’s…it’s too much.”

the words hung in the air, each one sinking into you like a weight, pulling you down into a well of hurt and betrayal. your breathing was shallow as you fought to keep yourself together.

“if it’s too much for you,” you said, your voice barely steady, “then maybe you should just get out of my fucking truck and out of my life.”

you didn’t mean for the words to come out so harshly, so final, but the pain was too much, too consuming to keep buried any longer as you stopped just outside of her house.

she looked at you, her eyes wide, almost shocked, as if she hadn’t expected you to push back. for a moment, she seemed lost for words, her lips parted slightly as she stared at you, something flickering in her stare that you couldn’t quite place as you pulled over two streets away from her house.

then, without another word, she reached for the door handle and climbed out, slamming the door shut behind her. you watched as she walked away, her silhouette disappearing into the night, the sound of her footsteps fading into the silence. the weight of her absence settled over you, a hollow ache filling the space where she’d been.

you stayed there for a long time, sitting alone in the truck, the emptiness swallowing you whole. you’d known, on some level, that it had always been fragile, that the love you’d built together was built on a foundation of secrecy and fear. but you’d hoped – god, you’d hoped that it could be something real.

that argument was the beginning of the end. there was no formal breakup, no final conversation. instead, there was silence – a painful, hollow quiet that replaced the laughter and stolen kisses. when you’d pass each other on the path or catch her gaze in class, all that remained was a shadow of what once was.

by the time graduation rolled around, minji was gone. she left town for college like she always said she would; moved away from the place that had both cradled and confined her.

life went on, as it always does. but some nights, when the world was quiet, you’d find yourself looking out at the road, half-expecting her to be there, waiting for you with that same, soft smile she’d given you all those years ago.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the familiar truck continued down the road, disappearing into the distance and you felt the weight of the moment settle over you like a heavy shroud. part of you had wondered, late at night when the world was quiet, what it would be like to see her again.

you’d imagined it in so many ways, but now that she was here, the reality felt more painful, like reopening a wound that had barely healed.

you nudged duke forward, resuming your path as if a brief glimpse of her hadn’t thrown your world off balance. you’d built a life here, a solid one filled with people you could count on and things you could control.

and minji, with her polished city clothes and her unfamiliar confidence, felt like a reminder of everything you’d once wanted to leave behind.

but you knew better. people left, that’s what they did, and you’d learned to carry on, even when it hurt. so you kept riding, eyes fixed on the road ahead as you turned towards home.

if only you could leave her memory behind.

it had taken years, but the garage was finally yours; a modest place, the kind that carried the scent of engine oil, worn leather and old, dusty tools handed down through generations. you’d started small, fixing up neighbours’ cars, trucks, the occasional tractor, and word had spread quickly in a town where people tended to hang on to things, even if they didn’t always work quite like they used to.

it wasn’t much to look at from the outside, but to you, it was everything — a place of your own, where you could pour yourself into work, let your hands keep busy and your mind focused on the quiet, familiar rhythm of repairing, restoring, and rebuilding.

it was a legacy, a continuation of the path your pa had set for you before he was gone.

after he passed, the garage became both a refuge and a reminder. he’d built this place from the ground up, had filled every corner with memories, with laughter, with the little lessons he’d taught you when you were still too small to hold a wrench properly.

now, it was yours alone, and that emptiness weighed on you like a shadow, even when you filled the space with the sound of clinking metal and the low hum of the radio.

some days, the silence grew too thick, too heavy to bear and that’s when you’d look up and find familiar faces showing up, as if they knew you needed them without you ever saying a word.

jimin was one of the first to start coming around. he was a friend who’d been there through it all, the good and the bad, someone you could count on without question. he’d always swing by after work, shrugging out of his jacket and rolling up his sleeves to lend a hand, his jokes filling the quiet spaces you couldn’t quite bring yourself to break. he was steady, like the tools on your workbench —reliable, unassuming, and never in a rush to leave, always lingering a little longer, making sure you were okay before he headed out.

then there was mina; popular and easygoing, but she’d stayed around town, unlike so many others. sometimes, she’d show up with a little bag of homemade pastries or the restaurant’s leftovers, claiming she had “extras” but always pressing them into your hands, eyes a little too soft, a little too knowing. she’d bring along her own car troubles too — things you suspected weren’t even that urgent — just so she’d have an excuse to hang around, helping with small tasks, keeping you company on those long, quiet afternoons.

danielle would come by, too, cheerful as ever, dropping off fresh fruits from her family’s farm. she’d place the basket down with a grin, insisting you take more than you needed, saying you had to stay healthy to keep the shop running. her laughter filled the garage, bringing a brightness that seemed to cut through the gloom. you’d find yourself laughing with her sometimes, even on the hardest days, grateful for her boundless energy, for the way she always seemed to know exactly what you needed, even if you didn’t say it.

hanni, haerin, and hyein were more like a trio of mischievous siblings (even though they were just neighbours), popping by whenever they felt like it, always claiming they were there to “help,” though you knew better. they’d come under the pretense of lending a hand, but more often than not, they’d be perched on your workbench or leaning against the open garage door, teasing you, nudging you to take breaks. hanni, would try to be serious, her sharp humor balancing out her kindness, while haerin would poke at your tools, asking questions about engines and oil, her curiosity both a help and a hindrance. hyein, the youngest, mostly just wanted to be around you all, wide-eyed and eager, trailing behind her older friends like a loyal shadow.

their visits had become a routine, a way to fill the space your pa had left behind, a way to keep you tethered to the world outside your own thoughts. they never mentioned minji or him. they’d remind you of simpler times, of the days when the garage was filled with laughter and your pa’s steady voice guiding you, his hand on your shoulder as you learned to tighten a bolt or change a tire.

you’d watch them joke and chatter, and for a moment, it was almost like he was still there, watching over you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

it was one of those clear evenings, the kind that settled in with a comfortable chill once the sun dropped behind the hills. the fire crackled in the hearth, casting a warm, flickering glow across the room, and the soft murmur of voices filled the cozy space.

you’d gathered everyone for dinner, an impromptu plan that had somehow grown into a tradition — a way to fill the quiet of your home, the emptiness that seemed to linger ever since.

mina, jimin, danielle, haerin, and hyein had all shown up with bottles of wine, dishes wrapped in foil, and enough energy to keep the house feeling alive. you’d done your best to clear off the table, moving aside spare bolts and tools, making room for the laughter and conversation that had been sorely missed.

the smell of dinner mingled with the wood smoke from the fire, filling the house with an almost nostalgic warmth.

as the night wore on, the conversation turned, naturally, to the topic you’d been bracing yourself for — minji.

“weren’t you ladies with her at murphy’s the other night?” mina said, glancing around the room, her eyes lighting up with excitement. “she looked, different. polished, but, like…still minji.”

murphy’s. after your pa passed, you hadn’t found the heart to go back. the place had started to feel hollow, too full of memories that were just a little too close, a little too painful to face.

danielle chimed in, nodding eagerly. “yeah, she looked good. better than good, honestly.” her voice took on a slightly teasing tone as she gave you a sidelong look, as if waiting for a reaction.

you stayed quiet, watching the flames dance, their glow reflecting off the glasses set on the table. you could feel the weight of their gazes, the unspoken curiosity hanging in the air.

then all knew — everyone in town had known, even if it wasn’t spoken out loud, and with minji back, those old stories were beginning to stir up again.

“she’s a top lawyer now,” hanni added, swirling her drink thoughtfully. “one of the best in the country, from what i hear. apparently, she’s only here for the summer, staying to help her dad with the estate and everything.”

jimin leaned back, eyebrows raised. “top lawyer, huh? guess that makes sense.”

“yeah, remember her talking about all the things she wanted to do?” haerin said, her voice wistful. “back in high school, she used to say she wanted to change the world or something like that. and now look at her.”

there was a murmur of agreement, a mix of pride and wonder in the air, as if everyone in that room felt a little piece of ownership over her success.

a part of you couldn’t help but remember those late-night talks, the quiet moments when she’d let her guard down, telling you about the things she wanted, the dreams she couldn’t quite share with anyone else. she’d always had that fire, that need to be something bigger, to leave her mark on the world.

“i’m proud of her,” you smiled, although bittersweet. “but she didn’t have to what she did.”

they all fell silent for a moment, their glances shifting to you, sensing something unspoken in the air. you could tell they wanted to ask, to know what it felt like for you to see her again after all these years. no one said it out loud, respecting the quiet way you kept yourself guarded, the way you stayed just a little apart from the conversation, even as you listened intently.

“it’s weird,” danielle said softly, her gaze warm as it lingered on you. “her coming back, i mean. like we’re all sort of older, different, but somehow still stuck here.”

“speak for yourself,” jimin grinned, nudging her with his elbow. “i’m thriving, thank you very much.”

they laughed, breaking the tension, and you managed a small smile, grateful for the ease they brought into the room, for the way they tried to keep things light, even if the weight of the past lingered in the spaces between the words.

as the conversation shifted to other things; haerin’s new job, hyein’s plans to travel, jimin’s latest attempt at dating — you found yourself half-listening, lost in the memories that had resurfaced with minji’s return.

they stayed late, laughter and soft conversation filled the room, each of them lingering, as if they knew you needed them there. and when the night finally wound to a close, when the last bottle was empty and the plates were cleared, you found yourself alone again, silence settling over the house like a familiar weight.

this time, it felt like something had been stirred, like minji’s presence had reignited a part of you you’d tried so hard to bury. and as you sat there, watching the dying embers glow faintly in the hearth, you couldn’t help but wonder if some part of you had been waiting for this moment all along.

the living room was dimly lit, you sat there, nursing a bottle of whiskey, lost in thoughts that never seemed to find closure. the ache of loss hung in the air, mingling with the scent of wood smoke and worn leather from the couch.

the shadows from the dying fire flickered against the walls, casting a warm, ghostly glow over the photos of you and your pa. your gaze lingered on one picture — faded, creased at the edges — of you both standing by his 88’ ford, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, his face lit up in a laugh. it felt like a lifetime ago.

outside, the wind picked up, rattling the windows slightly; a soft reminder of just how quiet and isolated your life had become.

the knock at the door was gentle, uncertain, as if the person on the other side was almost afraid to disturb you. you exhaled slowly, pulling yourself up and crossing the room to answer it — half hoping it wasn’t a neighbour or even an old friend needing a favour.

what you weren’t prepared for was seeing minji stand there, eyes glistening with unshed tears, her expression raw and vulnerable in a way that took you back to simpler days.

“hey,” she whispered, barely audible, her voice breaking the silence. “can i come in?”

you held her gaze for a long moment, your heart warring with itself. part of you wanted to shut the door, to protect yourself from whatever mess might follow. the other part, softer and rooted in all the kindness he had taught you, couldn’t do that.

stepping aside to let her in, you nodded, even though every nerve felt on edge.

the silence settled thickly between you both as she took in the room, eyes skimming over the quiet remnants of the life you’d built after she left. she glanced at the half-empty bottle of whiskey, then at the photos on the wall.

“i’m so sorry,” she said, looking down at her feet, as if the weight of the words was too heavy for her to meet your gaze. “no one told me…about your pa. i didn’t know.”

the pain in her voice was real, but you couldn’t let yourself soften just yet. you crossed your arms over your chest, glancing away, feeling the familiar sting in your throat.

“he was here one day, gone the next,” you said quietly, your voice almost a whisper. “he’d been fine. we were working together in the shop, laughing over something stupid, and then…then he was gone.”

the ache in your chest sharpened as you spoke, the whiskey doing little to dull the edges of grief. “i try to tell myself that maybe he’s with ma now. that they’re together, wherever they are — it’s the only thing that gives me any kind of peace these days.”

her shoulders sagged as if the weight of your words had settled on her too. she looked up at you, eyes shimmering with tears that she made no attempt to hide. “i’m so, so sorry, y/n,” she repeated, voice breaking. “i should’ve been here. i should’ve known, or at least tried to be there for you somehow.”

you held her gaze, fighting the urge to reach out, to pull her into a hug the way you would’ve years ago, but space between you too had grown wider over time.

“it’s a little late for that,” you murmured, unable to keep the bitterness out of your tone. “you left me without a word, told me what we had was a phase.”

she winced, nodding slowly, accepting the hurt behind your words. “you’re right,” she said softly. “leaving you was the hardest thing i ever did and i wish i could take back every hurtful thing i said that.”

“seemed pretty easy,” you muttered, the words slipping out before you could stop them. “leaving me behind and all that.”

she shook her head, biting her lip as fresh tears welled in her eyes. “it wasn’t easy, y/n. it tore me up but i thought you’d be better off without me after everything i put you through.”

you looked at her, and for a moment, the memories of all those nights you’d spent together, sneaking around the town, feeling like the only two people in the world, flashed through your mind.

“i did love you, minji,” you said finally, each word coming out slow, deliberate. “and for a long time, i thought that was enough. people change. things change. that phase of my life…it’s over now.”

the words seemed to hit her like a physical blow. she looked down, a shaky breath escaping her as she tried to keep her composure.

“i know,” she whispered. “i guess i just…just wanted you to know how sorry i am. for everything. for leaving, for not coming back sooner, for being too afraid to face everything i left behind.”

you nodded, feeling the weight of her words but knowing there was no going back, no undoing the years you’d both lived without each other. “thanks for saying that,” you murmured. “it doesn’t change things, but…it helps.”

she nodded, feeling defeated. “thank you for hearing me out - i know you didn’t have to.

you nodded, offering her a faint, bittersweet smile. “it’s what the old man would have wanted. he always had a soft spot for you.”

a sad smile crossed her lips, and she looked down, the weight of lost time pressing heavily between you both. she reached out, hesitated, then withdrew her hand, knowing there was nothing left to be said.

you walked her towards the porch, the silence between you now comfortable in its own way, a quiet kind of closure. as she turned to leave, she glanced back one last time, her eyes lingering on you with an expression that seemed to carry all the regret and love of years past.

as the door closed behind her, you exhaled, feeling the finality of it all. you knew that, somehow, you’d finally let her go.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the end.

[graceofagodswrath]

Menstrual Cycles and Aliens

“I apologize, but Williams is doing what?”

Kate sighed, brown eyes rolling at Ka’oolai’s stiff confusion. “Bleeding Niagara Falls out of her uterus. She’s gonna need a couple days.”

“Katy.” Jasmine hissed. “That is not how you explain this shit to people.”

Kate’s lips thinned in exasperation. “It makes them listen! God knows how many times I had to describe it so graphically to get all the men in my family to understand that you can’t just ‘suck it up!’”

The three sat in the dining lounge, a room on the transport ship meant for relaxation for workers on their breaks. Ka’looai, the ship’s second-in-command, had inquired about Pilot William’s ask for absence. Kate Blanche, the engineer and second roommate to De’maya, had answered in her usually blunt way. Luckily, The third roommate and Quartermaster of the ship, Jasmine Lativos, had been there to cushion Ka’looai’s immediate confusion.

Ka’looai held up their four hands to the two humans, insectoid limbs the notable deep, iridescent purple of their native race, Yamogai. They resembled a mix of a beetle and praying mantis, tall with hard, spiny exoskeletons. They displayed a variety of colors like humans (tho more vibrant), but the most common was purple.

“I apologize… I do not understand. Does Pilot Williams have an open wound? Do they need to go to the medibay?” Ka’looai’s voice sounded like the vibrating of beating wings, so they had to pronunciate other languages precisely in order to be understood. So they spoke slowly and with a deliberate concentration. This voice also gave way to an accent that made them pronounce certain letters like ‘v’s. There was a running joke with humans that Yamogai were related to Germans, as their accents were similar when speaking English.

Jasmine shook her head. “No. She’s experiencing a part of her menstrual cycle, the human female reproductive cycle.” Ka’looai cocked their head, so Jasmine continued. “Every month, we expel the inside lining of our uterus, the organ that develops a human fetus if the female is pregnant. If a female isn’t pregnant, our uterus removes the old lining of tissue and blood and gets rid of it from our body to create a new lining in case she does become pregnant. It’s the same muscle contractions as childbirth, though at a smaller fraction. This process can be extremely painful for some, if not most people, and De’maya is one of them. So she just needs some time off to deal with and recover from this experience.”

Ka’looai stared for a moment, mantis-like eyes seeming to stare through the humans souls. “I… see. I will inform the captain, then. Is there anything else we must know about this… event? I assume you two experience it as well as you said every human female does?”

Kate shrugged, long brown braid shifting in her shoulders. “Mine isn’t so bad usually. I’m one of the lucky ones. I get irritable and the occasional back pains, but I don’t need time off recuperate necessarily.”

“Irritable?”

Jasmine smiled, more of grimace for those experienced in reading human expressions. “Annoyed. Aggressive. The process increases the amount of estrogen and testosterone in our bodies, hormones that can heavily influence our emotional states. So we can be a bit…” Jasmine paused to think. “Intense.”

“Ah.” Ka’looai’s antennae twitched emphatically. “That is why I sensed the rise in strange pheromones. So this increase of chemicals affects you physically, emotionally, and mentally. I see why Pilot Williams asked for an absence then. Will the two of you require the same?”

Jasmine made an expression that Ka’looai could not understands. She bared her teeth while narrowing here eyes and scrunching her nose, dark skin wrinkling. Her hands rolled synchronously back and forth, a gesture the Yamogai recognized as a sign for uncertainty. “My cycle is more chaotic. Many factors can influence the way it is, and I tend to be influenced heavily by those.” She gestured at the other human. “Whereas Kate’s average is light and less painful, and De’maya’s average is heavy and extreme pain, mine can be either depending on my situation. If I’m stressed and haven’t taken care of myself, it’s usually pretty painful. If the opposite, I can usually function pain free. It depends.”

“What do you mean by light and heavy?”

“That refers to the amount of blood and tissue we expel. Light is very little, medium is a bit more, heavy means a lot. Some people have more lining than others. The heavier the flow can also increase the amount of pain.”

“Is this process different for every human?”

Both women nodded.

“And you still work through such obstacles?”

“Pretty much.” Jasmine confirmed.

“Interesting.” Ka’looai hummed, the sound vibrating the air rhythmically. “So human females expel a large amount of their own blood and tissue every month simply for not reproducing. And it is incredibly painful, yet some of you still function through it. No wonder females are in higher demand than males. You are a hardy species.” Their laugh sounded like the erratic buzzing of fly multiplied by ten. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

“Oh, there’s a shit ton if you wanna properly educate yourself on human reproduction.” Kate waved a scarred, oil darkened hand. “But Jaz gave you the basics. Hah, you may know and understand it better than the average human male.” Kate chuckled dryly and Jasmine huffed. “But that’s a debate hole that can be saved for another time.”

“If you want to learn more, read some human biology books, and we can answer any questions you have.” Said Jasmine. “Make sure they’re recent ones tho, the outdated ones are full of a lot of misinformation.”

“I see. I will do so. Human biology continues to fascinate. I have always found learning about other races to be rather intriguing, and humans never disappoint.”

“Yeup.” Kate leaned back and threw her arms behind her head. “Just don’t start making jokes about us leaving puddles and shit everywhere, or not being trusted behind the wheel.” Her eyes narrowed and she bared her teeth in a not-friendly-smile. “I will commit some “transgressions,” if so.”

Ka’looai’s antennae twitched. “Understood.”

~~~~~~

I’m currently going through this month’s rounds, and felt like distracting myself. Finally had the motivation to write and of course it was during a shitty time of my life. Needed me some alien feels that understand my woes better than my own family. I know this prompt has been done a lot, but I wanted to give my own take on it.

[writingonleaves]

got lovestruck, went straight to my head (got lovesick all over my bed) - nico hischier

universe: nico hischier x clementine sandoval (the blue au)

warnings: swearing, mentions of stuff you'd typically see in the hospital (death, etc), author has never been to switzerland (but wants to!!), fluff! angst if you squint

title: "slut!" by taylor swift

word count: 23k (originally 27k but had to be cut down bc tumblr apparently has a limit of blocks per post??? lol)

author's note: long anticipated (official) part two to this little ditty. takes place pretty much right where the first part left off and goes until january 2025. i love clem. i love clem and nico. i love this whole world, and it loves all of you right back. thanks for all the love, truly. it means so much. here are some more slice of life moments that will probably rot your teeth because they're so sweet! enjoy and please let me know your thoughts!!

~*~*~

Devils fans love Nico Hischier, Clementine realizes, as she waits in a cafe across the back entrance of The Rock, looking outside as Nico takes the time to sign things and take pictures with the fans.

To some extent, after being in Jersey for a full season now, she knows how adored he is — the multitude of 13 jerseys during every game and how she has never heard a single bad thing said about him, whether that be as a person, captain or player. But right now, she’s smiling as he thanks the fans for their support when she knows he was devastated less than 48 hours prior. 

This team, their fans and this community love their captain. They’d go to the ends of the world for him, she’s convinced. 

She feels her phone buzz in her pocket. She pulls it out with a smile. 

Nico Hischier 

Meet me at my car in 5 mins? ❤️

She smiles, just liking the text before slinging her bag over her shoulders, grabbing her half finished coffee and going back to the counter to order a cappuccino for Nico. She thanks the barista when he’s done, grabs the cappuccino and goes back down to the parking garage. 

Nico’s leaning against his car on his phone, but puts it away when he sees her walking to him. She shuffles over quickly and gives him a quick kiss. She doesn’t think she’ll get used to that. 

“Hi.” 

“Hey.” The fondness tinged at the short greeting isn’t new, Clementine knows now, but it makes her smile all the same. “Thanks for the coffee. Sorry I took so long,” he says, taking his coffee and opening the passenger door. 

“You’re good,” she slides in and waits for him to get to the driver’s seat. “You doing alright?”

He starts the engine and looks over at her with a soft smile. “Yeah.”

“You sure?”

He reaches over to give her thigh a comforting squeeze after backing out. ‘I’m sure. I promise. Play some music.”

“Do you even like my music?”

“I listen to anything. You know that.”

She chuckles, plugging in her phone. “They love you.”

“Hm?”

“The fans. I was watching outside the windows of the cafe.”

He shrugs. “They’re always great. Have been good to me since I came into the league and have stuck by us.”

She looks at him thoughtfully. “They also have nothing but respect for their captain, who led them through the season extraordinarily well despite all the downs.” She leans her head on his arm for a few seconds. “I know it’s hard, but try not to blame yourself too much. You can’t and shouldn’t carry all that weight. The boys know that. The fans know that.”

He nods and looks over at her with a smile. “Gotten good at that throughout the years, hey? Comforting people after big losses.”

“Tell me about it.” She thinks back to when Quinn and Jack lost the gold medal match in 2019 at World Juniors and both times Luke’s dream of winning a national championship with Michigan fell short. And those are just the ones she can think of off the top of her head. “I’m serious though. It’ll come for you guys. I know it will.”

“Thanks, Schätzli.” Oh. That’s also a new development. The first time it slipped out, Nico had almost taken it back with wide, panicked eyes. But Clementine had promptly pulled him down to kiss her. 

The team all chipped in to rent out a rooftop bar in Tribeca tonight to celebrate their season, the multitude of birthdays that occurred during the last part of the season that they couldn’t really celebrate at the time, and to just hang out before people start dispersing for the off-season. Therefore, Clementine purposefully volunteered for the overnight shift the day before and took a four hour nap before she tagged along to locker cleanout. She hid out in the cafe while they all had to do their end-of-season duties.

But they have a few hours to kill before heading into Manhattan, so the new couple spend the afternoon at Liberty State Park, enjoying the rare instance since the night of their first kiss where they’ve both been free. Clementine’s packed a small cooler with some tiny sandwiches, fruit and small bottles of wine. Nico lays out a blanket and Clementine toes off her sandals. It’s beautiful outside, and after she’s done munching on the food, she finds herself laying her head in Nico’s lap as he plays with her hair, talking about everything and nothing. Occasionally he just leans down to place a kiss on her forehead or cheek and she feels her throat closing up everytime at the sweetness of the gesture. 

They have limited time before Nico heads back home to Switzerland. She’ll take all the moments she can get.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Uh oh,” she jokes. “Should I be nervous?”

“No, no, no. It’s just..maybe a bit of a weird question.”

“Nico. I deal with kids on a daily basis. And other residents who have no sense of boundaries. And Jack and Luke where all social cues are nonexistent. Almost nothing fazes me at this point.”

“Well, of course I’ve seen you around Jack and Luke so I know what your relationship is like with them. But how are you with Quinn?”

“Huh. Why do you ask?”

Nico twirls a piece of her hair around his finger. “They’ve mentioned a couple of times how I remind them of Quinn sometimes, which you know, I think is a compliment. I respect Quinn a lot as a player and he did a great job captaining that team this year. But, I don’t know. I’m just curious.” 

Clementine smiles easily. “Luke’s my baby and Jack’s like the most annoying little brother you could ask for, but yeah. Quinn is..he’s also like a little brother, but he’s also my best friend. I think Quinn and I are the most similar in terms of how we think. So I guess that leads to a sense of…understanding? Like, on a different level than with Luke and Jack. And if you think I’m protective of Jack and Luke, I’m probably even worse with Quinn. He’s just always so busy looking after the other two that he sometimes forgets he needs to look out for himself too.”

“Then who looks after you?”

“Hm?”

“If you’re busy looking after those three, who looks after you?”

She sits up as he lets her hair fall from his fingers. She plops a strawberry in his mouth. “I don’t need anyone to look after me.”

“Those three don’t need anyone to look after them.” He points out. 

“Lies. You think Luke and Jack are annoying now? They were ten times worse before. And you think Luca and Nina don’t still feel a responsibility to look after their little brother? I haven’t even met them and I think I know the answer.” She shrugs, hooking her chin on his shoulder. “I don’t mind, really. They also, in a way, look after me as well, especially as we’ve gotten older. But I don’t think I answered your question. I guess you’ll have to see Quinny and I together and see for yourself.”

He hums, kissing her forehead twice. “You gotta take some time to look after yourself too. You’re no use to them if you don’t.”

“I know. I think I’ve managed the balance well. And you’re partially right. I don’t need to look after them as much anymore, especially since now Quinny has a girlfriend who I still haven’t met and you look after Jack and Luke plenty.”

Nico snorts. “I’m sure you’ll get to meet Quinn’s girlfriend this summer.”

“If the fucker answered my calls, that would be a start,” she says. “Are you all packed to go yet?”

“Not at all.”

He literally leaves in two days. “God, you all really are the same breed. I bet I could pack all your shit in an hour. Maybe even less.”

He smirks. “Is that a challenge?”

“No. Pack your own stuff. You’re a grown man.”

He laughs, and they switch positions. Now his head is in her lap and she’s running her hand through his hair. She’s still learning things about Nico, but she’s pretty sure that he likes her playing with his hair more than she likes him playing with hers. He clears his throat. “And, um, I don’t need to pack yet. I’m staying in Jersey a bit longer.”

“Yeah? How much longer?”

“Like, June 7? So what is that..three weeks?”

She blinks. “Nico, I don’t-”

“This has nothing to do with you,” he says, before grimacing. “That’s not what I mean. It actually has a lot to do with you. But it was my choice. I’m in no rush to get back, in terms of training and all that. Plus, a bunch of the guys are staying for a bit too. And I want to spend time with you, because I do have…what did you say? ‘Impeccably shit timing.’”

“I just want to make it clear that you don’t have to stay just for me,” she assures softly. “I know you miss home and I understand the importance of an off season.”

He looks up at her earnestly, “Spending time with you is also important to me.”

Her heart soars as she traces his lips with her thumb. He catches her hand and kisses her knuckles. “Well, I’m not gonna complain about that.”

The rooftop bar that night is a fun time, even if she feels very much out of her tax bracket. She chats with pretty much everyone, much more comfortable than she was at the start of the season. People egg her on to share childhood stories of Jack and Luke, which she has plenty of. And even if they both groan and act embarrassed, she knows they love it. The drinks are plentiful and she likes seeing everyone let loose the way they can’t during the season. She’s sure the team is still disappointed from their season to some extent, so it’s nice to see them all smile and laugh and generally have a good time. 

At some point in the night, she’s sitting by herself for some space, admiring the skyline with a ginger ale in her hands, taking a break from the alcohol she’s consumed tonight. 

“Social butterfly finally tired out?”

She looks up to see Jack, cheeks flushed and hair adorably tousled, staring down at her. She scooches over to offer him a seat. “A bit. It just hit me that I’m running on four hours of sleep.”

He snorts, sitting down. “Yeah, that’ll do it.” He tucks himself into her side like he used to do as a kid, taking her arm and using it as a pillow. “We still on for dinner tomorrow? Just me, you and Lukey?”

“Of course. I gotta get my fix in before you all leave me to hang with all your friends.”

Jack shoves her lightly. “We’re literally staying in Jersey until the end of the month. Or the Northeast, at least.”

“Okay, and Trevor literally flies in in two days. And then you and Luke’s friends are gonna rotate in and out. I’ll be lucky if I get a second of quiet at the apartment.”

Jack laughs, but then a worried look crosses his face. “I told them that under no circumstance can they enter your room without your permission. I don’t want them being here to fuck up your schedule.”

She waves him off. “It’s fine, Jack. I promise. Besides, I’ll just hide out at Nico’s if I need. Did he tell you that he’s staying a bit longer?”

His smirks. “He did. Mom invited him to spend the long weekend with us up in New Hampshire.”

“He didn’t mention that.”

“Probably because I literally just told him an hour ago when Mom texted me. You know this means he’s gonna be meeting Maeve, right?”

She blinks. “Shit, yeah. A bit soon, no?”

To her surprise, instead of agreeing or making fun of her, Jack just shrugs. “I don’t think so. You and Nico are the real deal.”

Her mouth drops open a bit in shock. “Oh.” 

Jack just shoots her an award-winning grin. “And Maeve is gonna love him.”

That, Clementine thinks, is most definitely true,

As they drive home, she’s in the passenger seat with Luke and Jack in the back, quietly dozing off. Nico’s hand is on her thigh as she’s queuing songs up on her phone. Even after living in the city for almost a year now, she still finds herself in awe at the NYC skyline, especially on the rare chance she gets to see it from the angle of leaving the city in a car this late. Her attention is brought elsewhere when she feels a squeeze on her thigh. She looks at Nico and smiles. 

(It’s hard to not smile when she looks at Nico)

“You have fun?” He asks softly, careful not to disturb the brothers in the back. 

“Lots,” she responds. “Thanks for having me.”

“Of course,” he says. “I think there would have been an uproar if you hadn’t come. Everyone loves having you around.”

“Jack told me you’re invited to Memorial Day weekend celebrations in New Hampshire.”

“Yeah. It was sweet of Ellen to invite me. It’ll be fun to experience a classic summer weekend out here.” He suddenly looks at her, worried. “That’s okay, right? I don’t wanna intrude.”

“What? Of course it’s fine. It’s gonna be a chill weekend with good food and a lot of sun. You know you’re gonna be meeting my mom, right?”

“Is that a problem? Moms usually like me. Ellen likes me, I think.”

Clementine rolls her eyes. “No, I just, as long as you know.”

Nico looks over at her. “Your mom’s clearly important to you and raised a beautiful woman. I’m excited to meet her.” She swallows roughly. Nico changes topics easily. “Have you figured out your plans for the summer? How much vacation time do you have?”

“Not much. Maybe, like, two weeks at most. I’m still trying to figure it out. The boys invited me to Michigan, which would be fun. I haven’t been back there for a bit. Some of my friends from med school are going to meet back up in California at some point.”

“Two very different options.”

“Yeah. I probably need to figure it out soon though so I can request the leave.”

“Have you thought about Switzerland?”

She’s looking out her window, so she doesn’t see the hesitant but honest look on his face. “Showing me your hometown already, Cap?” She jokes

“If you want.” She whips her head to look at him. Oh. He’s serious. He backtracks. “I-I get if you think it’s too soon, but you’ve mentioned that you wanna go back. And I could show you around. Or we could go to other places in Europe too. I-I feel bad that I’m about to leave when we haven’t gotten quality time together which I know is partially my fault-”

She pushes her chin into his arm, looking up at him as he briefly looks down at her before focusing back on the road. “You’d be okay with that? Me coming to your hometown?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“We just started dating officially..what, like a month ago? Not even?” She looks to the backseat to ensure that Jack and Luke are still asleep, or are at least faking it to give them some sort of privacy. They are. She turns back around. “I don’t…I just don’t want you to feel like you- I-you’re really important to me,” she admits with a swallow. “I don’t wanna mess it up by moving too fast.”

“You’re not messing anything up,” Nico takes her hand and kisses the back of it. “I’m not gonna push you. It’s ultimately your decision. But I would absolutely love to show you around where I grew up and spend more time together.”

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course,” he assures. “Take all the time you need.”

She leans to kiss his cheek. 

…..

“Switzerland?” Luke practically screeches. “To introduce you to his family?”

Clementine rolls her eyes, sliding him a glass of orange juice across the counter. Trevor giggles into his coffee and without looking, she smacks the back of his head. 

“Switzerland because it’s beautiful and to spend time with my boyfriend,” Clementine says pointedly. 

“Go frolic in Europe with your new boyfriend,” Trevor grins. “You deserve it. Jacky tells me you’re barely home.”

“I’m trying to become a doctor, Trev. I signed up for not having a life.”

“Exactly, which is an even better reason to go visit your hot boyfriend in Europe.” Jack and Luke give their old friend a weird look. Trevor just shrugs. “What? Your captain’s a good looking guy, and you’re delusional if you think differently.”

“I don’t care if Nico is the hottest person in the world. He’s kissing my sister. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that.” Luke says with a wrinkled nose. 

Jack chuckles, ruffling his little brother’s hair. “Well, get used to it, Moose. And it’s kinda our fault. I mean, we’re the ones who wanted this all season. It’s fucking hilarious that they decided to start a relationship when they did though.” He comes up behind Clementine and pokes her side, rinsing his plate before putting it in the dishwasher. “Z’s right. You should go. Even if that means you wouldn’t be able to come to Michigan.”

“Aw, Clemmy’s missing the Michigan trip again?” Trevor whines. “Nevermind. Fuck your boyfriend.”

“I haven’t been to Michigan in three years so I don’t know what you’re whining about,” Clementine snorts. “And you can’t get rid of me that quickly. Especially because I, you know, live here and y’all are going to be around for who knows how long.” She taps Trevor’s phone on the counter to check the time. “Alright, I gotta head to the hospital. See you guys later.”

“Bye!”

“Love you.”

“See you tonight? What time will you be back?”

“11? Midnight the latest,” she grabs her pasta salad lunch from the fridge into her tote bag. “Have fun. Call if you need me. The usual.”

“Be safe,” Jack calls out. She clicks the door shut. 

Her phone buzzes in her hand. She laughs out loud. 

Quinny Hughes

Heard you’re going to Switzerland? 

She rolls her eyes. It’s nice to know the brothers’ group chat is still as active and rapid as ever.

Clementine Sandoval 

all three of you are actually the worst

and i’m older than all of you don’t be trying to parent me

Quinny Hughes

So you are going. 

At least get us some good chocolate then.

Clementine Sandoval

lol i miss you

did you ever figure out if you’re coming to nh for memorial day?

it’s literally in two days i hope you have an answer

Quinny Hughes

Yeah I am. Especially now that you aren’t coming to Michigan this summer. Jack and Luke get to see you all the time it’s my turn.

And I’ll get to interrogate your new boyfriend.

Clementine Sandoval

sigh 

are you at least bringing lauren

Quinny Hughes

Yup.

Clementine Sandoval 

fantastic

finally another fucking girl

Quinny Hughes

Lol. See you soon❤️

Clementine smiles before starting her car. 

…..

Two days later, Jack, Luke, Trevor, Nico and Clementine pile into Jack’s car to head up to the Hughes family’s lakehouse to spend the long weekend. She lets Luke have the passenger seat because it’s a five hour drive and he has the longest legs. Additionally, she finds great amusement in seeing Nico and Trevor interact and getting to sit in the middle of them and put her head on Nico’s shoulder and her legs over Trevor’s lap. Though, with Trevor’s constant yapping, Nico’s surprisingly unhinged stories, Jack’s loud laughter and Luke’s tendency to make a comment on everything, the drive goes by so damn slow that by the time they roll into the driveway, Clementine is practically shoving Trevor to get out of the car.

At the front door, Ellen’s laughing and Clementine rushes over to her second mother to give her a big hug. 

Ellen rocks her back and forth. “It’s so good to see you, my girl.”

“You literally saw her three weeks ago?” Jack says, coming up behind them.

“Hide your jealousy better, Jacky,” Clementine teases. “It’s always good to see you, Ellen.” Jim comes up behind his wife and she beams. “Hi Jimmy!”

He laughs, wrapping her in a fatherly hug. “Hi Sunshine. El made sangria for everyone, and it’s still cold.”

Clementine lights up. “Oh amazing. I’ll grab a glass after I get my stuff.” She turns around to see Nico coming up the stairs with both his and her bags in his hands. 

A knowing smile appears on Jim’s face. “Think that’s already covered.” She rushes to help him out but Nico just swats her away. Jim nods at Nico. “Good to see you again, Nico.”

“Good to see you too, Mr. Hughes,” he puts his bags down to shake Jim’s hand and hug Ellen, as Jack, Luke and Trevor clamber into the house. “Thank you both so much for having me.”

“Anytime, Nico!” Ellen beams. “And please, call us by our first names. You’re family, especially after recent developments.” 

Clementine rolls her eyes as Nico immediately becomes flustered. “Really? Mom’s not even here yet.”

“Oh can you blame me, Clementine? Now I don’t have to hear Jack and Luke whine about when their sister and captain are going to get together.” Ellen says. “But I’ll be cool for now. Why don’t you show Nico up to your room and drop all your stuff off? Your mom picked up Quinn and Lauren from Logan and should be here any minute. Boys!” She calls out and Jack, Luke and Trevor magically appear and Clementine rolls her eyes. “Take your stuff up to your rooms so no one trips over your things. Trevor and Jack, you’re sharing.”

Trevor turns to Jack with a kissy face and Jack grimaces. “You and me, Jacky boy! Just like old times.”

“Get the fuck away from me,” Jack says dryly as Luke chuckles. Jack glares at his younger brother. “How come you get a solo room?”

“Because Quinn and Lauren are getting the other room.”

“And where is Maeve staying?”

“Probably in the basement so she doesn’t have to deal with all you guys.” Clementine retorts. 

Jack turns to his parents. “You’re letting Clee and Nico share a room? And Quinn and Lauren?”

“We’re adults, you know?” Clementine sighs, pinching her nose. “You guys are exhausting. Move out of my way so we can get through.” She hears Nico stifle a laugh as they reluctantly clear a pathway. “Somehow they’re even more annoying during off-season than during the season,” she says as they climb up the stairs.

“It’s fine,” Nico chuckles. “It’s nice. The chaos, I mean. Tells a lot about who you are.”

“Don’t associate me with those fools,” Clementine says with no heat as she pushes open the door to the room in this house that’s always been designated as hers. “Here we are.”

Nico puts the bags down and immediately scans some of the photos framed on the wall. He ‘aww’s and she turns around to find him staring at the one of her and the boys during her UCLA graduation. “You guys are such babies here.”

“A week before Jack got drafted,” Clementine recalls fondly. “The boys surprised me. I didn’t think they were gonna come because they had so much hockey stuff going on.”

“You went to all their drafts, right?” Nico says. Clementine nods. “So of course they were there during one of your biggest moments.” Nico points to another photo of both families when they were all at this exact lake house. Her dad’s in this one. “When was this taken?”

“2013.” Clementine smiles sadly. “It was the last summer my dad came here. I know it’s one of Ellen’s favorites. Mine too.”

Nico hums, kissing her temple gently before scanning the rest of the room. It’s mostly white with some rustic elements, splashes of tan and ocean blue in the comforter and the sparse decorations.  “Would I be right in assuming that this room hasn’t changed much since you were young?”

“It’s definitely cleaner,” Clementine laughs. “I know Jim and El use it as a guest room, but whenever I get the chance to come back, they say it’s mine.” There’s the sound of the front door opening and a cacophony of greetings floating through the room. She turns her body towards him and looks up at him. “Are you sure about this?”

“Well, even if I wasn’t, it’s a bit too late now, isn’t it?” He says. She pokes him in the side. He leans down to gently peck her lips twice. “Why are you so nervous? Shouldn’t I be the one who’s nervous?” 

She chuckles. “Yeah, yeah. You’re right. Let’s go down.”

They walk down the stairs, Nico close behind her but not quite touching her. Clementine beams as she watches her mom hug Luke and put her hands on his cheeks before greeting Jack in the same way. She knows her mom doesn’t ever miss seeing the Devils or the Canucks when they’re playing the Bruins in Boston, but that only totals to usually only three games a season. 

Clementine thinks a lot about how she sees Jim and Ellen as her parents. It’s during these moments does she remember that the boys see her mom the exact same way. 

Maeve’s eyes flit up to the stairs and she raises an eyebrow. “My beautiful daughter. You look exhausted.”

Clementine snorts. “Thanks, Mom.” She descends down the last step and hugs her mother tightly, breathing in the scent that has comforted her on the best and worst days. She catches Quinn’s eye over Maeve’s shoulder as Trevor is chatting in his ear and she can’t help but grin. 

Maeve pulls away and eyes Nico, a half smile on her face. “And you must be the infamous Nico.”

Nico chuckles, eyes widening momentarily as Maeve pulls him into a hearty hug. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Sandoval.”

Maeve lets out an affronted noise. “None of that. Call me Maeve. You European boys and your politeness.” Clementine laughs under her breath. “It’s so nice to meet you! My daughter hasn’t mentioned how handsome you are.”

“Probably because she’s the one carrying in the looks department of the relationship.” Nico grins charmingly and Clementine feels so fucking fond.

She then begins to leave her boyfriend and her mom to converse and turns to Quinn. Time with Quinn is always scarce. She leans up to wrap her arms around his neck. “Hey Q.”

“Hey Clem.” 

Clementine turns to the beautiful girl next to him. “And you must be Lauren. It’s nice to finally meet you.” She also pulls the girl into a hug. “Quinn’s been keeping you away from me.”

Quinn shoots his older sister a dirty look. “That’s not true. It’s not my fault you don’t live in California any more.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Lauren says softly. “Quinn’s told me so much about you. I love your pants.”

Clementine looks down at her cream flowy pants with a wide smile. “Oh thank you! You’re gorgeous. How in the world did Quinn land you?”

Lauren laughs as Quinn groans. “Clem.”

“I’m kidding!” She ruffles his hair. “Damn, let me have my fun. I don’t get to do this often. And don’t pretend that you’re not about to grill Nico this entire weekend.”

“She’s got you there,” Lauren says with a laugh.

Trevor comes up inbetween the girls. “Have you met this one yet?” Clementine asks.

Lauren nods. “I have. Kinda. Hi Trevor. Quinn’s also told me a lot about you.”

Trevor’s eyes widen as he pulls Lauren into a side hug. “Never listen to anything Quinn says about me. He’s mean to me.”

“You guys are all mean to each other,” Clementine rolls her eyes. “I don’t know what point you’re trying to make.” 

Maeve claps her hands. “Out of the doorway and into the backyard, everyone! El made sangria and it’s too nice to be inside.” She picks up her bags but is swatted away by Luke, who takes the bags from her hands. Maeve kisses him on the cheek. “Thanks, honey.”

Jack rolls his eyes as they all start walking towards the kitchen. “We get it, Maeve. Luke is your favorite.” Ellen gives him a warning look as Quinn snorts. 

“You know,” Maeve starts. “I was about to tell you how glad I am to see you. But with that comment, I’ll abstain.” Jack pouts and Maeve rolls her eyes but messes up his hair fondly. 

Nico places his hand on Clementine’s back and leans down to mutter in her ear. “I see where you get your sass from.”

Clementine chuckles under her breath. “You gotta have some sass to deal with them. My mom’s the blueprint.”

Everyone grabs a glass of sangria before they migrate outside. Clementine finds herself sitting in between Lauren and Luke, Nico sitting by her legs with everyone else in various chairs or on the grass in some sort of circle. Clementine automatically carding her fingers though Nico’s hair as she speaks to Lauren and Quinn. She still can’t believe they’ve been dating for over a year and she’s only met Lauren now. 

If she was still in California, she would’ve flown her ass to Vancouver and parked herself at Quinn’s apartment at the first chance she had. 

While she’s listening in on a conversation between Nico, Quinn and Trevor, she catches both her mom and Ellen’s eyes on her. She narrows her eyes. She sees her mom not-so-subtly eyeing her hand in Nico’s hair and him leaning back against her legs. 

Jack notices, looking between the two of them with a smirk. “Thoughts, Maeve?”

“Jack,” Clementine says in a warning tone. Nico squeezes her ankle in reassurance. 

“I didn’t even say anything!” 

Maeve chuckles, and Clementine sees her smile, the same smile that everyone says she also has. “Nothing in particular. Just thinking about how fun your time in Jersey has probably been so far.”

Clementine bites her lip, closed lipped-smile threatening to burst through the seams. “It could be worse.” 

As expected, Jack rolls his eyes and Luke gives her a dirty look. “Well, what could make it better?” Luke asks. 

“If you guys cooked more for me.”

Quinn looks at his brothers with a disapproving look. “You’re making Clem cook for all of you? Guys, come on. She’s busier than all of us combined.”

Jack’s jaw drops wide open as Trevor cackles. “That’s not even true! We cook for you. Just not as much because you’re just a better cook. And you always have leftovers.” Jack reaches over to whack Clementine’s shoulder. “Stop making us look like bad roommates.”

Clementine chuckles to herself. She has a lot of favorite things in life, but making fun of her brothers and throwing them under the bus has to be at the top. 

Nico looks up at her and she has to stop herself from leaning down and kissing him silly. “That cake you baked me for my birthday is still the best dessert I’ve had in awhile.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re just being nice. And, I baked another one for Jack and Luke, which circles back to my point.”

Ellen starts lightly scolding her two youngest for not cooking more and Clementine snickers as she feels Nico’s shoulders shake as he’s trying to hold back his laugh. She drops his hands from his hair and instead leans forward, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. He automatically grabs her wrists and keeps his hands there. She places a quick kiss to the side of his head. 

(Without their knowledge, Maeve catches the romantic motion. She doesn’t even bother to hide her smile.)

It’s not the first time she’s seen Nico around the people she loves, but that whole weekend, she watches him and her mom get along so well, him offer to help out Ellen and Jim for meals, him shove Trevor into the lake when he’s being an absolute pest, him sitting down with Quinn by the fire one night a bit away from everyone to talk about something that neither Quinn or Nico will tell her about so she knows it’s about her. 

He slips so easily into the most important part of her life. Clementine doesn’t quite love him yet, but she’s real close. 

Their last night, as they’re getting ready to sleep, Clementine's just staring at Nico from her bed as he’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth. He catches her eye in the mirror and smiles, but toothpaste dribbles down his chins causing him to curse and her to laugh. 

When he climbs under the covers, she places her head on his chest. “Thanks.” 

“For?” 

“Coming here. I’m sure it’s a lot.” 

“It’s not,” he assures gently. “Why would it be?” 

She shrugs, because he’s right, in a sense. “Families are always a lot, no matter how good they are. And I know Quinn and Jimmy grilled you way more than necessary.” 

“Baby,” he rubs up and down her arm. “I knew that was gonna happen as soon as I was invited here. They were more than fine. Jack and Luke’s threats were way worse.”

“They’re annoying.” 

“They love you,” he says. “And they’re protective of you. I get it. I’m the same way with Nina.” 

She shifts so she’s eye level with him. “About that…” 

“Hm?” 

“I got the okay from my supervisors to take two weeks off.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Can I still come to see you in Switzerland?” She asks, biting her lip, nervous all of a sudden. 

Nico kisses her soundly. “Of course,” he mutters against her lips. “Yes. When?”

“I was thinking early July?” 

“To spend your birthday?” 

“If you’ll have me.” 

He squeezes her exaggeratingly, making her giggle. “You’re silly. Of course. Is there anywhere you really wanna go?” 

“I mean, I’ll go anywhere.”

“I can take you all around Switzerland. Give you the grand tour.”

“That sounds perfect,” she swallows before bringing up something that’s very important to her. “I’m paying half.” 

Nico counters back immediately. “One third.” 

She scoffs. She was prepared for this disagreement. “Half.” 

“Hey,” he kisses the top of her head. “You’re coming to see me. The least I can do is handle all of that.” 

“You’re housing me and taking me around. I’m paying for half.” 

“Nope.”

“Nico. I am perfectly capable of paying for myself.” 

“You pay for your own plane tickets and I got the rest.” 

“I pay for my own plane tickets and meals and then you got the rest.” 

“Schätzli. Let me take care of it, yeah? I want to. And I’m perfectly capable of doing so.” 

“I don’t want you to think I’m a gold digger,” Clementine says with a bit of a whine, making Nico snort. 

“I know you’re not a gold digger. If you were, you’d actually let Jack pay for you more. You know he makes more than I do, right?”

“Weird flex.”

“You pay for your plane tickets and some meals,” he compromises. “Save the rest up for something else. Buy Luke a new suit for his birthday or something.” 

She chuckles. “He does need one.” 

“Exactly.” 

Clementine lets out relenting a sigh. She’ll just have to sneak her card in here or there. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah. I just really don’t want you to think I’m mooching off you or anything.” 

“I’ve never thought of it like that at all, I promise,” he assures. She settles back against his chest again. “I’m so excited for you to come.” 

“I hope your family doesn’t hate me.” 

“They won’t.” And he says it so confidently that she has to believe him. “No one could hate you. Besides, Nina’s been dying to meet you and Luca wants to know the ‘girl who’s voluntarily dealing with my shit.’”

She laughs, turning to shut off the lamp. “Still. You’re their baby brother.” 

He pouts. “I’m not a baby.” 

She rolls her eyes. “I’m convinced.” She yawns, tossing a blanket over them both. “We should sleep. Gotta have energy to deal with the hooligans in the car tomorrow.” 

He laughs, kissing her forehead. “Goodnight.” 

*****

Clementine offers to drive Nico to the airport before she goes to the hospital, even though he tries to vehemently fight her on it. Clementine ultimately wins the argument, wanting to spend as much time as possible before he leaves. 

“It’s only a month,” she reminds him as she kills the engine at the curbside of the departure terminal at Newark Liberty International Airport, biting her lip to also assure herself. 

He leans over the console to kiss her sweetly. “I know,” he murmurs against her lips. “That’s a long time though.”

She runs a hand through his hair. He leans into it instinctively. “I’ll be there with you before you know it. You’ll be having too much fun catching up with family and friends to even think about me.”

“Not true.” She rolls her eyes with a smile as they both climb out of the car. Nico finishes unloading his luggage from the trunk as he carries it to the curb. Clementine’s amazed that no one has yelled at them for parking by the curbside too long yet.

She wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly, leaning her head on his chest and breathing in deeply, trying to memorize his scent. “I’ll miss you.”

“I miss you already,” he mutters into her hair. “I’ll call.”

“You fucking better,” she shoots back with no bite. “Have fun, okay? Enjoy your time off.”

He kisses her one more time, which turns into three more times. Clementine bites her lower lip as he backs away to try not to cry. He brushes his thumb against her cheek. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

She nods with a shaky smile. “Yeah. Text me before you take off.”

“Of course.” He clasps his hand on his suitcase handles and backs away with a sweet smile. “Bye, baby.”

After he walks through the doors, she promptly drives herself to the train station, music playing louder than normal to hopefully drown out her own loud thoughts. She parks to see a text from Nico saying that he’s at the gate, a horribly-angled selfie of him and a coffee he must’ve bought. 

Clementine saves it.

…..

It’s only been eleven days since Nico flew back to Switzerland. They text everyday and FaceTime when the time differences allow. She always wakes up to a good morning text and a mini photo dump of pictures he’s taken that day. Sometimes they’re of the beautiful sights of Bern or Naters or wherever he is. Sometimes they’re literally just a picture of his toast for breakfast. But they’re nice to receive. And at his urging, she sends similar photo dumps back. His favorites are the selfies she takes at work. Bonus points if she’s wearing the scrubs he got her for Christmas. 

She goes to the hospital. She spends sporadic time with Quinn, Jack, Luke and other stragglers who show up at the apartment before they all head back to Michigan or wherever else. Nico relaxes with his friends and family. 

She misses him like a limb. 

…..

Clementine’s phone rings as she’s sipping on her coffee while sitting at a cafe by the hospital. She raises an eyebrow when she sees who’s calling. 

“Quinn. Hey.”

“Hi Clem. Are you busy?”

“You have me for about 15 minutes. What’s up?” She hears a sniffle and immediately she sits up straighter. “Quinny? Is everything okay?”

“Lauren and I broke up.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. “Fuck. Oh Quinn, I’m so sorry. When did this happen?”

“Earlier this morning. She-she called it off. Over the phone.”

“Over the phone?” Clementine tries to level her voice and judgment. “Wasn’t she just in Michigan?”

“She left last week.”

“Fuck, Quinn. How are you feeling?”

“I just, I’m just really sad, I guess. And a bit confused.” She gives him a moment to think. “I know she was voicing concerns about the distance and stuff, but we had talked about it and I thought we had come to a conclusion. I guess we left that conversation feeling very differently.”

Clementine picks at her nails, “What was her reasoning? Did she have any?”

“She said the distance wasn’t worth it anymore.” Quinn trails off and Clementine puts it together, her heart breaking for him as she finishes the thought for him. 

That Quinn wasn’t worth it anymore. 

Clementine grinds her teeth together. “Fuck her,” she says. “I know that’s not what you want to hear right now, but I’m serious. What the fuck? She just suddenly decided that after dating for over a year that she couldn’t do it anymore?”

“Yeah. I’m confused about that too. When she was talking and explaining her reasoning over the phone I was just, like, shell-shocked. I think I froze. She was bringing up things that she hadn’t ever brought up before and I don’t know, it just felt like she had made the decision to break up with me before I even picked up the phone. It wouldn’t have mattered what I said.”

“That’s shitty, Quinny. How unfair.”

“I mean,” she knows he’s shrugging on the other side of the phone. She wishes she could hug him. “I know I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend and there were underlying issues, but I-I tried my best.”

“I know, Quinn. I know,” Clementine sighs. How do you comfort one of your best friends through heartbreak when you can’t actually be there? “Q, I’m so sorry. I have to head back to work, but I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“Oh. That’s okay. You don’t have to. Thanks for listening anyways.”

“I’ll call you back tonight. I promise. I love you. Hang in there.”

“Thanks, Clem. Love you too.”

Clementine manages to do one thing she does very well, which is push something out of her mind and focus on the task at hand. The second she clocks out of the hospital, on her commute back to Hoboken, she thinks through how she wants to talk this through with Quinn. It’s not her first time talking someone through a break-up, so she’s learned a few tricks and phrases here and there. Like most things, it just comes with repetition.  

But this is also Quinn. Her best friend. All her previous experience might not work and might not even matter.

She calls him as soon as she finishes her shower. She lets him talk for over two hours to the point where she has to adjust her position on the couch to be near an outlet so her phone can charge. 

There’s nothing really to say in a situation like this, as Quinn details what sounds a lot like heartbreak. She wishes she was in Michigan and could give him the tightest hug. Watching and hearing his sniffles through the phone has her throat closing up and all she can do is listen.

But as she climbs into her bed that night, she lets out a breath. She’s sure it hurts so much now, but Quinn will find a way. 

He always does. 

…..

Clementine’s phone reads 6:28 a.m. local time when she lands in Zurich. She yawns as she watches the plane taxi to their gate, Taylor Swift’s “august” playing softly in her ears. Somehow, the two seats next to her were empty so she had her own row the whole flight, meaning she got to go up and pee without bothering a single person. 

She turns on her phone, and texts the chat with the Hughes / Sandoval families that she’s landed, before thumbing over to her thread with Nico. He sent a text eight minutes ago. 

Nico Hischier 

At the arrivals area. Can’t wait to see you ❤️

Clementine Sandoval 

just landed!!! can’t wait to squeeze you 

Immigration and customs goes quickly, even if Clementine finds herself tapping her foot in line. She can already feel the heat of the Switzerland summer air seeping into her skin and she tugs off her sweatshirt, happy that she has a t-shirt underneath. Once she grabs her luggage from the carousel, she takes a deep breath, wheeling her suitcase through to the arrivals hall. Her eyes dart around to try and spot her boyfriend. It doesn’t take long. 

The grin spreads on her face when she sees Nico. He’s wearing an olive green t-shirt that’s seen better days and dark jeans topped off with those scuffed up Nikes that he always seems to wear. 

He’s holding a bouquet of wildflowers wrapped in newspaper, the sweetest smile peeking over. Clementine feels her heart threatening to burst out of her chest. 

She almost knocks her suitcase over as she throws her arms around him. She feels him chuckle and place a kiss on the side of her head. “Hi Schätzli,” he says softly. 

“Hi,” she pulls back and kisses him. But they’re both grinning too much to kiss properly. She holds his cheeks in her hand, happy to just be around him after a month. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you more,” he grins. “You look so beautiful.”

Clementine snorts because her Stanford t-shirt tied with her hair tie in the front and the black leggings with her Adidas definitely scream ‘I’ve been on a transatlantic flight and I need to shower.’

“I look like I just was on a plane for 8 hours,” she says dryly. 

“Beautiful,” Nico says firmly as he takes the backpack off her shoulders and grabs her suitcase, giving her the flowers to hold. “For you”

She sniffs the flowers and smiles. “Thank you. You didn’t have to get me these. They’re so pretty.”

“You’re so pretty,” he replies simply. That’s twice in 30 seconds. He turns to look at her again as they walk out to the parking lot. “I’m so happy you’re here.” 

“Thank you for driving all this way. I know it’s early and far.”

“Of course. I just want to see you.”

It doesn’t feel like it’s been a month as Nico starts the drive to Bern to his sister’s place where they’re staying for a few days. The sun’s high in the sky despite the early hour, and Clementine happily sips on the coffee and munches on the croissant Nico had graciously gotten her. They catch up on each other’s weeks like they have been over the phone when they’ve been almost 4,000 miles apart. They talk about the teenager who recognized Nico the other day when Nico and his friends were playing a game of pick-up soccer and how they all played until sundown and Clementine having to step in to assist in a higher than average number of surgeries the last month, as well as having to work the Fourth of July. She holds his hand the entire time and both of them can’t seem to stop the smile from spreading across their lips. 

She’s here. In the most beautiful country. With the most wonderful person. 

“How are you feeling?” Nico asks. “Are you really tired?”

“I’m okay.” She yawns. “Even if I am, I’m not sleeping until at least 9 tonight. I’m not wasting time here by being jetlagged and sleeping at weird times.”

Nico laughs. “Fair. But it’s okay if you’re tired for a few days. I always am.”

“No wasted time,” she says, poking his shoulder on every word. 

“If you say so,” he grins. “My mom’s making a huge breakfast for us when we get back and everyone’s excited to meet you.”

Suddenly, Clementine is nervous again. “She didn’t have to do that.”

“She wanted to,” he assures. “I haven’t brought a girl back home in…ever, really. They’re probably more excited to meet you than you are to meet them.”

“No pressure at all,” she says dryly. 

He looks over at her and squeezes her hand. “You’ll win them over in minutes.” Clementine hums before Nico continues. “If Jack could somehow have them all liking him in a day, you’re gonna be perfectly fine. You’re all the best parts of him and more anyways.” She reaches over to fix a strand of his hair and she wants to smirk at the light blush that paints his cheeks. He clears his throat, “I was thinking of taking it easy today, just walking around the town and exploring the area a bit. And then dinner at my favorite place in town?”

“Sounds perfect to me.” 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he says breathily. “I, just…I can’t believe it.”

She grins, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Well believe it, pretty boy.”

(His stomach flips at being called ‘pretty boy.’ She hasn’t said that one yet. Two months after they’ve officially started dating and he still feels like a teenage boy with the biggest crush on the prettiest girl in school)

They pull up to Nina’s place and Clementine feels like she’s in a dream. Bern is beautiful everywhere you look. It’s almost like she’s in a picture book of a fairytale. She stretches and rises on her tiptoes to kiss Nico on the cheek to thank him for grabbing her luggage. She tugs at his t-shirt and he stops to turn to her, momentarily confused. She just wrap her arms around his waist again, wanting to feel him before they’re surrounded by his family. He chuckles, rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head three times. 

As they’re walking up the steps to the front door, it swings open as Katja, Nico’s mother, beams. “You guys made it! Hello!”

Clementine can’t help but smile back. “Hi,” she shifts the flowers so that she can shake Katja’s hand, but Katja doesn’t bother and just wraps her into a hug. “It’s so nice to meet you, Mrs. Hischier. Thank you so much for having me.”

“Thank you for coming all this way,” Katja’s eyes shift to Nico, who’s a few steps behind with Clementine’s luggage. “Nico tells us good things.”

She chuckles and ducks her head. “I think your son is a bit too nice to me.”

“Ignore her, Mama,” Nico says as they all walk into the house. “The only person who doesn’t know she’s the best is herself.” 

There’s footsteps coming down the stairs. Clementine’s met immediately with Nina’s smile. It’s the exact same as her mother and her brother’s and she is absolutely stunning. Luca is behind his sister as well with a matching grin. And Rino, who Clementine suddenly realizes is where Nico gets so many of his facial features from, just stands to the side with a small smile. 

“You’re here!” Nina exclaims. Nico says something quick in Swiss German which Nina rolls her eyes at before she pulls Clementine into a tight hug. “It’s so nice to meet you, Clementine. We’ve heard so much.”

“Yeah,” Luca echoes. “I’ve never seen Nico so excited about someone.”

Nico groans and Clementine hugs Luca with a giggle before nudging her boyfriend. “He’s not so bad either.” She turns to shake Rino’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Hischier. Thank you for having me.” Rino shakes her hand with a warm smile before Nico pinches her side and pulls her closer. 

“Okay, breakfast is almost ready!” Katja claps her hands. “Nico, why don’t you show Clementine to your room? Luca and Nina, come help me finish up. Oh! I can take those flowers from you. Did Nico get you those?”

Clementine giggles as she hands them over. “He did.”

Katja pats Nico’s cheek in such a motherly way that it makes Clementine’s heart ache in the best way. “I did raise a sweet one.”

Nico groans. “Mama.” Clementine makes eye contact with Nina and they both burst out laughing. “Come on. You can take a quick shower and then we’ll come back down.”

Clementine shoots a quick grin at Katja, Rino, Nina and Luca before following Nico upstairs. She decides to jump into the shower quickly and rinse off, partially to wake her up, mostly to wash the grime of the plane off of her. Nico’s sitting on the bed scrolling through her phone when she comes back out, hair wet and dressed in a light sweater and linen shorts. 

“The fact that there’s a window in the shower looking over the mountains is so unfair,” she says, combing her fingers through her wet hair. 

Nico chuckles. “Pretty, hey?”

“Very,” she yawns. “Come on. Don’t wanna leave your family waiting.”

Breakfast is absolutely delicious and filled with warm conversation, mainly filled with the Hischier family asking Clementine questions about herself, which she happily answers inbetween way too much bread, butter and coffee. Nico tries to intercept a few times (“This isn’t an interrogation, Luca”) but she just waves him off. It’s not like she likes talking about herself, but when being surrounded by people everyday who know the ins and outs of her career, it’s refreshing to have people take interest in what she does who don’t work in the medical field at all. 

After breakfast, Clementine and Nico venture into the town and Clementine is all smiles. The sun is out but it’s not too hot where she aches for shade like she does back in the US. She had changed into a dress after breakfast and doesn’t regret it, resisting the urge to twirl around the streets. It doesn’t hurt that Nico looks at her in a way that makes her giddy.

As they’re walking through the scenic old town, it’s obvious how relaxed Nico is. Away from New Jersey and the expectations that come with being the captain of the sole professional sports team from Garden State, Nico looks like every other guy in his mid twenties. It’s not like he isn’t happy in New Jersey, but there’s something freeing in the way he walks, his shoulders free from the weight he carries during the season. 

They walk in the sun leisurely, stop by a few shops that look interesting to Clementine and grab coffee and pastries from a cafe that Nico apparently frequents often, judging by how friendly he is with the staff. She hasn’t really gotten to hear Nico speak his native language that often so she enjoys hearing him switch so effortlessly.

“You look happy,” Nico comments as they’re taking a break and sitting on a bench to people watch. 

She tears her eyes away from an adorable family to meet Nico’s warm, brown eyes. “Do I?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I am. Are you?”

He presses a kiss to her temple and she leans her cheek against his shoulder. “Very much so.”

“Did I pass the test?” She teases. “Your family doesn't hate me?”

“Stop,” he says with a smile. “They love you. I can tell. I think my mom fell in love with you the second you talked about growing up with the boys.”

“Really?”

“She has a soft spot for sibling relationships. She always tells us how she’s glad me, Luca and Nina get along so well.”

“They’re great, by the way, your family,” she says. “Much less chaotic than mine, which is definitely a good thing. But really, really cool. I…” She trails off at the sight of a stray soccer ball. 

Nico’s eyebrows furrow before he follows her eyeline. He chuckles and gets up, holding out a hand for her. “Come on. Let’s do some passing.”

She lights up at the idea of passing around a ball with the mountains in the background on a fairly large, grassy area. The most picturesque image you could find, she thinks. She takes his hand and scurries over, getting her feet familiar with the ball as he backs away a few feet. 

They start some basic passing as they’re mindful of the fact that she’s wearing a dress. Clementine never saw soccer as more than a form of exercise in her youth, but she sometimes wishes she had time to join a rec league or something of that level in college and afterwards. The few people she keeps in touch with still in Toronto are mostly thanks to her club soccer days. 

She’s definitely rusty, but it’s good to go through the familiar motions again. She wrinkles her nose when Nico pulls off an impressive move. “This is unfair. Are you good at every sport?”

He just shrugs modestly, before passing the ball back to her. “I definitely don’t look at ease with this ball on my feet like you do. How long did you play for?”

“Like, over 10 years?” She executes some footwork and smiles in satisfaction. “Played pretty intensely all the way up until I was 18.”

“I can tell,” he smiles. “My dad would be impressed.”

She snorts. “Don’t be ridiculous. I was never good enough to play at the collegiate level, much less professional.”

“It’s interesting that you do that.”

She stops the ball with her foot. “Do what?”

“Downplay your achievements.”

Clementine blinks a few times. “What do you mean?” But she knows exactly what he means. 

Nico lets out a light snort, “You know what I mean. You’re probably the smartest and most interesting and talented person I’ve ever met. Even when you were talking to my family about your residency, you were talking about it like it isn’t a big deal. But it is a big deal. And it’s really fucking cool. And you’re so smart and quick and…I don’t know. I wish you would show off more, even though I know that’s not your style.”

She smirks. “You want me to show off?” Without waiting for an answer, she concentrates on the ball at her feet and looks up at the goal. She dribbles the ball a few seconds before striking it in the top right corner. She huffs, satisfied that she didn’t whiff it, laughing as Nico tackles her and lifts her up in a hug. 

The next two days are spent in Bern, as Clementine fights the jetlag while her camera roll fills up. The Hischier siblings bring her around and she just soaks up the sunshine, views, and attractions. She especially loves flowing down the river on boats like the most seamless lazy river that just runs through the city, because you can’t really get that in the US. Nico continues bringing her around to his favorite hidden spots and to his favorite shops and restaurants, all with his hand in hers and the most beautiful smile on his face. 

After Clementine says goodbye to Katja and Rino, the four of them take two cars to Zurich, Luca and Nina staying with friends while her and Nico rent out their own place. They arrive at a beautiful, spacious apartment that overlooks the center of Zurich. Clementine’s birthday is tomorrow and she has no idea what the plan is because she trusted Nico when he said he would handle it, but she’s a planner, so she can’t help but bring it up as they’re relaxing before heading out for dinner.

“Nico?”

“Yeah?” He calls out from the bathroom. 

“Can you give me a hint on what we’re doing tomorrow?”

He peeks his head out of the bathroom with a smile. “I was wondering when you were gonna ask.”

She shrugs. “I trust you. But you know I’m nosy.”

Nico chuckles. “Yeah,” he comes out of the bathroom and takes his phone out of his pocket. Once unlocked, he tosses it at her. He’s lucky she has okay reflexes. 

She raises an eyebrow at him before looking at his phone. Immediately, she gasps and drops the phone as it lands on the carpet on the floor. “Nico.”

“Yeah?”

“Nico,” she repeats, breathless. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

“Taylor Swift? How long have you had these? How did you even get them?”

He comes over to sit on the arm of the sofa. “Nina’s a big fan. When you said you were gonna coming here for your birthday, she mentioned that Taylor Swift was gonna be in town at the same time. I pulled a few strings.”

She picks up the phone and swipes through the tickets, shellshocked. “Seven tickets?”

“Me, you, Nina, one of her friends, Luca and two of his friends. I guess they’re all kind of my friends too. I hope that’s okay?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed worriedly. 

“Nico, shut up. I’m gonna see my favorite artist live and I wanna meet your friends. Of course it’s okay,” she tackles him onto the couch as he laughs. “I-I can’t believe…thank you. Oh my god.”

“Good birthday present?” He jokes. 

She kisses him fondly. “I don’t know how I’m gonna beat this for yours.”

“Stop,” he murmurs, deepening the kiss. “I’m supposed to ask you if you have something to wear and if not, that you and Nina can find something tonight or tomorrow morning.”

She thinks of the light pink sequin dress she had thrown into her suitcase last minute, grateful for her past self’s decision. “I think I have something, but if I see something when we’re walking around later, I’ll let you know.” She holds his face in her hands. “Thank you. Seriously. First the whole trip and then this. I’ll pay you back for the tickets as-”

“No you won’t,” he says against her lips. She pulls back and gives him an unimpressed look. “I barely paid for them. It would be unfair to ask you to. It’s your birthday. It’s my present to you.”

Let other people do things for you for once, Clem, Quinn’s voice echoes through her head. He’s said multiple iterations of it throughout the years, but this one in particular she can envision, at dinner right after the Canucks played San Jose back in her Stanford days. That was about something simpler — arguing over who was paying for dinner — but the sentiment remains the same. 

“Fine. But I’m paying for everyone’s dinner tonight.”

“Of course,” he beams. 

“I mean it,” she warns. 

“I know.”

She slaps his shoulder with a smile. “You fucker. I can’t believe you got those tickets.”

“27 is gonna be a good year, hey?”

She launches herself into his arms. 

Yeah, it is.

…..

Clementine wakes up on her birthday to Nico pressing kisses all over her face as she squeals and wiggles around. She stretches and her arm whacks him in the face, causing him to groan. She kisses him as an apology. 

“Happy birthday, honey,” he says, hovering over her with a light smile. “I can hear your bones cracking already.”

“I will push you off the bed.”

“Empty threats.”

She yawns. “How much time before everyone gets here?”

“Like, two hours? Why?”

“Perfect,” she says, pulling him closer to kiss him feverishly. He lets out a soft moan and she melts into a puddle

An hour and a half later, Clementine fiddles with the coffee maker in the kitchen as everyone starts filing in. Nina is first to bounce over and gives Clementine a big hug, wishing her a happy birthday. She meets their friends and glares at Luca as he places a large bag on the table with tissue paper peeking out of it. She doesn’t need birthday presents. But it’s sweet they thought of her anyways. 

After lunch at a nearby outdoor cafe that Clementine falls in love with, everyone heads back. The guys venture out to the balcony while she, Nina and Anika, Nina’s friend, quickly make some friendship bracelets and start getting ready. Clementine’s almost done curling Nina’s hair when Nico peeks his head in, lighting up at the open box of beads on the table. He scurries in to grab the supplies and takes them outside without a word.

Anika, who’s been doing Nina’s makeup while Clementine’s been doing her hair, grins. “You two are cute together.”

“Oh, thank you.” Clementine looks up to flash a quick smile before focusing on not burning Nina or herself. 

“I’ve known Nico since he was a baby,” Anika says. “Always the younger one, he was chasing us all the time. Wanted to do everything we were doing. But it was Nico and he was so sweet, so we never said no.”

Clementine chuckles. “Yeah, I get that feeling. Not that my brothers necessarily wanted to do everything I did, but they were never far behind me when we were young.”

“Right,” Anika dabs the liquid blush on Nina’s cheeks. “That’s how you and Nico met, right? Your brothers play with him in New Jersey?”

“Yeah.”

Clementine’s taken aback tone must show because Nina smiles at her through the mirror. “My brother has talked about you quite a bit since he’s come back.”

That makes Clementine look down a bit abashed. “I guess they aren’t technically my brothers,” she clarifies. “I just grew up with them.”

“So like me and Nina here.”

“Yeah. Exactly like that.”

“Do you play hockey?” Anika asks, stepping back as she finishes Nina’s makeup. 

Clementine snorts, spraying hairspray into Nina’s hair. “No. You do not want to see me on skates. I played soccer. Or football, I guess.”

“But you enjoy watching it?” 

The conversation momentarily pauses as Clementine is ushered into the hot seat. Nina unplugs the curler and plugs in the straightener (“I want to try something”) as Anika takes a look at Clementine’s makeup products. 

“I do,” Clementine says. “Enjoy watching hockey, I mean. I don’t know if that would be the same if I wasn’t so closely connected with the sport personally, but I do enjoy it. It’s more comforting now than anything.”

“I still remember the day Nico got drafted,” Nina says wistfully. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.”

“And I remember everyone here staying up to watch it,” Anika adds. “There were people piling into the streets after in celebration.”

Clementine grins. “Yeah, I get that. I still remember Quinn, Jack and Luke’s draft days. It’s an extremely weird moment. Like, it’s wonderful of course, but also strange?”

“That makes sense,” Nina says. “It’s really cool to see how things have turned out since then, but it’s an interesting moment for sure. Especially when you remember Nico, or in your case, Quinn, Jack and Luke, as little boys just being little boys.”

“Nico’s really happy with you, I can tell,” Anika says. “And I don’t just say that to say that. His smile looks lighter. Freer.”

“I think that just might be because he’s home.”

“It’s because of you,” Nina says in a tone that leaves room for no argument. 

When she slips into her pink dress and puts the bracelets on her wrist as they’re about to head out, it hits her what’s really about to happen. She’s about to see her favorite artist. She still remembers being gifted a CD of Taylor’s debut album from her father, Teardrops On My Guitar on repeat. After the Eras Tour sold out in seconds and the resale tickets were way too high, she lost hope on ever seeing Taylor on tour, at least this go-around. 

She walks down the stairs and the first thing she sees is Nico. Dressed up in a light pink button up with khaki shorts, a backwards hat placed on his head, laughter etched in the lines on his face as he converses with his friends and siblings in his native language, she swallows. He looks up as she reaches the last step and his smile turns softer. Nina’s previous words echo her mind as she easily presses against his side. 

Clementine wrinkles her nose as she looks up at him. “You really do love your hats.”

“You don’t?”

“They’re fine. I just like your hair more.” Without argument, he takes his hat off and tosses it on a nearby couch. She gives him a look but he just kisses the top of her head. 

The closer they reach Letzigrund, a football stadium, Luca had said, she marvels at how large it is. She’s been to large concerts before, but as they park and make their way through the gates, she’s taken aback. Nico gently tugs their hands so she doesn’t get lost in the ground as they go find their seats. Turns out Nico pulling a few strings means tickets on the floor, not too close to the action where they would get pushed but at a vantage point where they’re in the center and can see everything. She turns to look at him bewildered and he just shrugs, a wry smile playing at his lips.

She pokes him. “Best birthday present ever.”

He takes a sip of his beer casually. “I’m glad. You know I prepared for this.”

“How?”

“I’ve been listening to Taylor Swift non-stop the last month.”

“I know we haven’t been dating for a long time, but all I do is play Taylor Swift.”

“True. But I didn’t realize how many songs she actually has. And you’re probably gonna know all of them.”

“Probably,” she admits. She’s definitely the biggest fan among the group right along with Anika. “But you don’t have to know all of them to have a good time.”

“I know. I heard she puts on a good show.” They watch Yannis, one of their friends, exchange bracelets with a stranger before Nico nudges her lightly. “I’m also just, I don’t know, excited because you’re excited.”

She snorts. “You’re a sap.”

What she wants to say, really, is “I love you.” But she refrains. 

Throughout the whole concert — which in itself is a highlight of her life and something she won’t ever forget — Clementine wants to tell him she loves him. When Taylor appears in her colorful, sparkly bodysuit and sings ‘Lover’ while Nico’s arms find their way around her waist as he’s standing behind her swaying them lightly, she wants to tell him. When she, Nina and Anika loop their arms around each other screaming ‘You Belong With Me’ and he simply points his phone at them with a laugh, she wants to tell him. Right before the bridge of ‘Champagne Problems,’ when he whispers a soft “wow,” eyes glued on Taylor on stage as she sings one of Clementine’s favorite songs of hers, she wants to tell him. When he quickly leaves and comes back in the middle of ‘Delicate’ with a beer for her and a water for them to share, she wants to tell him. 

When ‘Long Live’ comes on and she sees his eyes light up in recognition, before he pulls his phone out to record the end — her favorite part and the fact that he knows that is something in itself  — she wants to tell him. When he and the boys scream ‘22’ so incredibly out of tune and she can’t stop laughing, she wants to tell him. When she fully loses her voice screaming out ‘Illicit Affairs’ and he can’t hide his grimace at his eardrums bursting, she wants to tell him. As they both watch Anika practically collapse when the opening notes of ‘Style’ ring out — she had come into the concert blind to the setlist somehow — and Clementine can’t help but shake her hips while singing along, she wants to tell him. 

When he presses a kiss on her temple multiple times during the surprise songs as she is tearing up, she wants to tell him. When Taylor closes out the show with ‘Karma’ and Nico is visibly in awe of all the colors, fireworks, confetti and overall grand finale, she wants to tell him. 

She leans into his side as they walk to their cars. She loves him. They bid farewell to everyone. She loves him. When they get back to their place, they decide to rinse off the sweat and grime together and he gently rubs massages shampoo into her hair. She loves him. 

As Nico falls fast asleep next to her, arm wrapped securely around her waist, she’s about to lock her phone when she sees that she has a few text messages. They’re from Nina, who has already speedily downloaded the pictures she took on her digital camera from tonight. She thumbs through them quickly, smiling at all of them. 

She stops at one of her and Nico taken before the show in front of the stage. They’re both not looking at the camera but at each other. She’s in the middle of talking — about what, she can’t remember — as Nico is just smiling at her. 

She looks down at the sleeping man next to her. She loves him so fucking much. 

…..

(She does end up telling Nico that she loves him a few days later, as they’re weaving through a farmer’s market in Lucerne, him carrying the bags filled with fresh vegetables and other groceries that they’re using to make dinner tonight.  She thinks he doesn't hear her at first, but he tugs them towards the side and drops the bags so he can cup her face in his hands and kiss her. 

“You love me?” He murmurs. 

“Yeah,” she whispers. “I-I know it’s soon and you don’t have to say it back-”

He shakes his head with a grin, “Shut up.” He kisses her again. “I love you, Schatz.”

“Really?” She swallows. “You’re not just saying that?”

“I love you,” he repeats firmly. “I adore you, if we’re gonna be honest. You’re getting really close to be one of the best things that Jersey has brought me.”

“Well, now you’re just being stupid. How about, oh I don’t know, your entire career?”

He picks up their bags again, tossing an arm over her shoulder. “One of the best. Love you.”

She lets out a happy sigh, momentarily leaning her head on his shoulder as the sun hits their skin)

…..

The Switzerland tour is wrapped up in the best way, in Nico’s hometown of Naters, right by the mountains. Seriously, how is one country allowed to be this beautiful? She gets to hear the stories that litter these streets, the memories associated with the air interlacing with the wind, from a man who she loves and loves her. She tries not to think about how this is the last moments they’ll have until he comes back to New Jersey in September. 

The night before she takes off, they go out to dinner at a fancy enough place that Clementine’s pulling out one of her more formal dresses. The candlelight illuminates Nico reverently, his brown eyes not tearing away from her for more than 15 seconds the whole night. The attention would be overwhelming, but Clementine just lets herself sink into it. 

This feeling of being loved like this? It’s new. And she’s fully aware that it’s fragile and it could crumble any minute. But not right now. Not with Nico looking at her like she’s the only person in the room. 

When he drops her off at Zurich airport the next day, she hugs him for a full minute. She doesn’t cry, but there’s a pull at her heart that plants the silly idea of staying here forever just so that she doesn’t have to leave him. But she pulls away, kisses him one more time, runs a hand through his hair, before grabbing her things and walking through the automatic doors. 

…..

Clementine’s about to take a shower when she hears a key click into place. Seconds later, she’s sandwiched between Jack and Luke, uncontrollably laughing. She’s missed them dearly. 

Luke smacks a kiss on her cheek. Jack ruffles her hair. She scolds them about leaving their bags in the front door where anyone could trip on them. 

They’re back for another season, albeit a bit early to spend their last few summer days in the city. Nico lands tomorrow. Her Google Calendar has been synched with the Devils and Canucks game schedules.

Suddenly, the heat wave that’s hit New York / New Jersey doesn’t feel so constricting anymore.

…..

She might’ve had to bribe Ben to switch shifts with her, but there was no way she was gonna miss the home opener. Even if she’s extremely tired.

Clementine somehow makes it home before Jack and Luke are due to be at the rink earlier than normal for the carpet and other things. They’re both dressed and ready to head out. It’s a reminder that if Clementine sits on her couch for even 5 minutes, she will fall asleep. So she shouldn’t do that. 

Not even a minute after she shut the front door, there’s a knock. Jack calls out that it’s open and Nico walks in. 

If this were a few months ago, Clementine would blame just getting back from a long day of work for her eyes literally popping open. But it’s not, and she calls the man who walked through the door her boyfriend. Yet here she is, in her scrubs with her messy ponytail and smelling of hospital, just staring.

Holy. Shit. Nico looks hot. Which, like, yeah, he always does. Clementine is well aware that her boyfriend is a very attractive man. But something about the new green three piece suit that she had helped him pick out over FaceTime when he was still in Switzerland and his hair and the overall look has her literally speechless. 

Luke, like the bitch he is, takes note and just laughs. “Cat got your tongue, Clemmy?”

She finds her voice. “Fuck off.” 

Nico just smirks as he hugs Jack and Luke before walking over to give her a peck, “Hi.”

“Absolutely not,” she backs away when Nico reaches for a hug. He pouts but she shakes her head. “I just worked for 12 hours in a hospital. You do not want to hug me.” 

“Of course I want to hug you. I love you.” 

Somewhere behind them, she hears a gag. Gags, actually. She sticks out her middle finger behind her back before leaning in to give him another kiss. “I’ll hug you after the game when I’m clean.” He ignores her and just smothers her in a hug as she squeals. He presses exaggerated kisses all over her face as she tries to slither out of his hold. “Stop!” She breathes out in between laughs. “I’m literally so gross.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Can you two not?” Luke deadpans. 

The couple both roll their eyes. “This is nothing,” Clementine retorts. 

“I know, which makes it worse.”

Jack snorts as he grabs his water bottle and keys. “You two ready to go? We’re cutting it close.”

“Yeah,” Nico tosses Jack his eyes. “You guys go down first. I’ll be a second.”

Jack looks between his captain and sister with a subtle glare. “Five minutes.”

“We are older than you,” Clementine retorts. Jack rolls his eyes before exaggeratedly blowing a kiss to Clementine. She scoffs but blows him and Luke a kiss as they walk out the front door. “They’re annoying.”

Nico chuckles, before brushing a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. “How was your day?”

“Fucking brilliant,” she deadpans. “You can’t tell by my messy hair and eye bags?”

His eyebrows furrow. “If you’re too tired to come to the game, you don’t-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence. I’m not missing the home opener. Are you insane? I’ll be good after a shower and a beer or two.” She places her hands and gently straightens his jacket into place. “You look incredibly hot.”

“Yeah?”

She kisses the smirk off his face. “Oh please. Like you don’t know.”

“It’s a good ego boost hearing that from the person’s opinion I care about the most.”

She gently brushes her hand through his hair. “I’m a very lucky woman.”

“I’m the lucky one,” he presses one last kiss on her lips. “I’ll see you after?”

She tilts her head to the side and pouts a bit. “Thought I was going home with you after no matter what, Captain.”

Nico’s eyes darken the slightest bit. Bingo. “Careful, baby.”

Clementine shrugs nonchalantly. “Have fun. Maybe score a goal or two for me?”

“What do I get if I do?”

“Careful, baby,” she echoes with a smirk. “You should head out before Jack and Luke storm back in here. And you know they will.”

He groans. “You ruined the moment.”

She chuckles, gently shoving him back. “Good luck. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

…..

It’s not like anything is wrong, perse. 

Clementine doesn’t often get into her overthinking moods. Frankly, she doesn’t have time for it. Since she was 18, it was study hard, let herself be dragged out once in awhile by her friends away from the books, listen to her own gut when it told her she actually needed a break, feel herself falling more in love with medicine and patients and caring for them, rinse and repeat. She’s 27 now, and the contours of that thinking have adjusted to whatever moment she’s in, but her core is still the same. 

But when she finds herself in these overthinking moods, it consumes her. Her mom once told her it causes her to think irrationally, and Clementine had snapped back, even though deep down, she knew it was true. 

These overthinking moods could be about anything, and have been about anything. From grades, to the overwhelming ache of missing her father, to questioning if the path she’s worked so hard for is worth it, to questioning if going to California for eight years and away from everyone was the best choice or just the convenient excuse she could use when in reality, she was running from her problems. From watching Quinn, Jack and Luke from right next to them but also from so, so far away, to making sure her mother still enjoys and loves life even though it’s been almost ten years since she lost her partner, to her own self worth and if she’s as good of a person that everyone always tells her she is and how that can be true if sometimes she feels like she’s grasping at straws. 

The point is, Clementine knows herself well enough to know when one of these moods is coming. 

It hits her full force on her commute the way to the hospital, because of course it does. Last night had been really fun with the season home opener. She sat with all the significant others for the first time and the vibe was high. When Nico had scored, the girls had all cheered and pointed to her as she finished off a beer. Some of the fans had given her high fives and maybe had caught on, she thinks, especially because she was wearing a 13 jersey and Nico had pointed in her direction after he scored. But Devils fans are also just really nice, so it also could’ve been nothing. 

She already had a lot of the other women’s phone numbers from last year’s Friendsgiving, but she was officially added into the group chat because she’s not just Jack and Luke’s pseudo-sister who lives with them anymore. She’s also the captain’s girlfriend. 

Something about that has her mind racing this morning as she watches the streets of New York City at 7:29 a.m. outside the bus window. Now she’s thinking about whether she should be doing more because of that title. In the grand scheme of things, her and Nico haven’t been dating for that long. Realistically, she knows no one is expecting her to do anything more. She venmoed Nicole immediately yesterday when she had casually mentioned the money pool all the significant others have for various things like events, gifts and other things. But should Clementine be the one spearheading that because her boyfriend’s the captain? She just got here. She has no fucking idea.

She always thought being surrounded by hockey her whole life would help her in most of these situations. Not this one. 

When the time comes — if the time comes and her and Nico even last as long as she wants to — and off-season comes back around, is he gonna expect her to spend it in Switzerland with him? Obviously, that didn’t happen this summer because they had literally just started dating, but what about the future? She wouldn’t ever ask him to move his training closer to her, but how would off-seasons work in different countries when the regular season is already crazy enough?  She knows All-Star breaks and off-season vacations are a thing, but with her inflexible work schedule, how is all that going to work? Will he be upset that she probably won’t be able to join him? What if, somehow, Nico is traded to another team? Clementine’s home for the next four years is going to be New Jersey / New York. And then, vice versa, what happens if her future leads her to yet another part of the country?

Yeah, she’s majorly overthinking now. 

Usually, she would talk to someone about it, but in a rare instance, her mind comes up blank. Her mom and Ellen would just tell her to slow down and that she’s being silly. Emilia and her other friends at the hospital would listen, but wouldn't really get it. The other significant others are nice, but she doesn’t feel particularly close enough with any of them yet to voice her intrusive thoughts. No way is she talking to Quinn, Jack or Luke about this. 

That would leave Nico. But there’s something about that that feels off too. 

She’s also been told multiple times that she can’t keep things to herself. And she really does think she’s gotten better at it throughout the years. But old habits die hard. So she also does something she’s really good at. Putting it all away the second she walks into the hospital 

The next time she thinks about it is during a quick break she has inbetween patients, when she checks her phone and sees the notifications from the significant other group chat. Nothing important as she thumbs through quickly, but it still leaves her with a weird feeling in her stomach. 

And again, she wills those thoughts to go away as she steps back out into the hallway. 

The next few days, Clementine doesn’t see Nico much. She’s at the hospital and he’s busy with the new season starting and getting back into the swing of things, making sure his team is doing well on and off the ice and making sure new guys are acclimating. It’s nothing out of the ordinary — it’s not like she’s seeing Jack and Luke that much either while living with them. But she also knows deep down that it’s more than that. 

A week and a half after the season opener, Nico texts her to see if she wants to come over to his after her shift and they can make dinner together. Despite whatever weird things she’s thinking, she says yes. It hits her like a brick that they haven’t seen each other since Nico kissed her goodnight after the season opener.

She can tell something is on his mind immediately, or maybe that he knows something is on her mind, but they both don’t mention it the whole night. Instead, they loosely follow a steak dinner recipe Nico found online and keep the topics light. 

But she can’t help but feel like something is off the whole night. Clementine knows she should ask him. Talk to him about it. 

She doesn’t. 

Her stomach remains in weird knots for the next few days when she lets herself think even for a second about her boyfriend, who’s supposed to be the person she can talk to these things about, right? Clementine’s a bit out of practice — it’s been over three years since she’s had anything sembling a relationship — but goddamn, she doesn’t think this is normal. 

But she doesn’t want to burden Nico. He’s already overwhelmed enough with everything on his plate. She can see the wheels constantly turning in his mind. She doesn’t want to add onto that. 

So, Clementine avoids. 

…..

More patients. More long hours. The Devils first road trip. She should’ve known the people she lives with would pick up on something sooner than later.

“Are you and Schao fighting?”

Clementine has no idea where that nickname came from and has never asked. Hockey players are weird creatures, the nicknames they give their teammates included. 

She keeps her head down, putting the chicken pot pies in the oven. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I asked if he wanted to come by for dinner and he made some shitty excuse about calling his family or something.”

“Calling family is not a shitty excuse,” Clementine says automatically. Her back is towards them, but she knows Luke always beelines directly towards the bathroom to rinse off right after practice. So Jack’s the one who’s dropping their bags loudly on the floor. “Bags against the wall, Jacky.”

He grumbles and Clementine smirks to herself in satisfaction as she hears Jack move the bags. “So? Trouble in paradise?”

“None of your business.”

“Dude.”

“I mean it. None of your business.”

She doesn’t exactly snap — somehow, Quinn, Jack and Luke have never annoyed her enough to make her want to — but it’s something close to it. Silence, and then she hears Jack rounding the kitchen island. He tugs at her arm. “Do I need to beat him up? I know he’s my captain or whatever, but I will.”

“Absolutely not.” She finally makes eye contact with him and is taken aback at how serious Jack looks. “I’m not fucking with your team chemistry.”

“Who cares about team chemistry?” Jack asks, watching as she stirs the glazed carrots. “You’re my sister. So I’ll ask again. Do I need to whoop his ass?”

She sighs, leaning her hip against the counter. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shrugs. “There’s nothing much to it. Just a bump in the road, I guess.”

“About?” Jack presses lightly. 

Clementine bites her lip. One part of her is telling her that she shouldn’t talk to Jack — or Luke — about her relationship troubles simply due to the fact that Nico’s their captain and friend and teammate and rock and all of that. But the other part of her does want to finally talk to someone. “I think we’re trying to figure out how to be together with both our busy schedules and it’s…tougher than we anticipated.”

Jack hums, “I see.”

Despite herself, Clementine snorts. “I’m not getting relationship advice from my younger brother. I’m not stooping that low.”

“Lame,” Jack shoots back. “Your loss. I think I could give you some decent Nico advice. I’ve known him much longer than you have, you know.”

He does have a point. She watches him blow a piece of hair out of his face in thought. Then, Luke walks in with his damp hair. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Luke asks. 

“Nothing.”

“Nico.” She glares at Jack, who just shrugs with a smirk. 

Luke sits down across from her. “Oh wonderful. We’re talking about how miserable he’s been lately?”

Clementine busies herself by pouring him out a glass of water. “Nico’s been miserable?”

“Uh, yeah.” Luke says in a know-it-all voice that has her wanting to smack him on the head. “Besides, like, maybe a few smiles on the ice after a good play or game or whatever, he’s just had those sad eyes.”

Ah, yes. Those sad eyes. Clementine’s acquainted herself with those, even last season when they weren’t together. They come out after every loss. They’ve never come because of her. 

She shrugs, trying to be casual about it. She can feel Jack’s eyes narrowing and knows that his brain is moving. People don’t give Jack enough credit for how perceptive he can be. He tugs at her sleeve again, and Clementine sighs, lowering the flame so she can give him his full attention. 

“Do I need to talk to him?” Jack asks softly. “I don’t like seeing either of you sad.”

“Wait, hold on,” Luke interrupts. “You can’t talk to him if you don’t know what’s going on, Jacky.”

“No one is talking to anyone,” she says. “We just haven’t been able to see each other much lately. Or don’t want to. I don’t know.” 

“Clee.” Jack says flatly. 

She finally cracks, swallowing. “Obviously, I know what a season looks like. I mean, fuck, I lived with you two last year and I literally grew up with hockey all around me. I know it’s busy and I know he’s even busier because he’s captain or whatever. But shit, sometimes it feels like…I don’t know.”

“It feels like what?” Jack presses. 

She puts her head in her hands for a few moments before looking back up, squeezing her eyes together to keep the frustrated tears at bay. “Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t even want to be around me. Like we’re strangers or just friends or whatever”

“What?” Luke deadpans. “Clemmy, that’s…what?”

Jack throws his brother a dirty look. “Let her finish.”

“And it’s on me too,” she continues as if they hadn’t interrupted. “Like, yeah, he’s busy, but so am I. And I’ve been taking extra shifts and staying at the hospital to study longer because things are getting harder but, I don’t know. I guess now that we’re actually in the season it’s a whole other thing. I know I’m being unreasonable. Maybe I’m just not cut out for a relationship or whatever.”

She knows the last sentence is an intrusive thought. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have some semblance of meaning.

“That’s stupid,” Jack says. Clementine looks up from the table to look at him sadly. He has a look of fire in his eyes. “The last part, I mean. Not cut out for a relationship? What does that even mean?”

“If that’s not it, what is?” She huffs out. “I just feel like, I’m losing him? Assuming that I had him in the first place, I guess.”

“Clementine,” Luke starts. He never calls her by her government name. “What are you talking about? That boy is head over heels for you. You’ve had him since the moment you two met, I’m pretty sure.”

“Have you guys talked about this?” Jack asks. “Like, actually sat down and talked about how you’re feeling and why you’re upset.”

“How can we talk when I don’t even know why I’m upset?”

“It doesn't need to be, like, extremely coherent. Even if it doesn’t come out pretty or whatever, at least he’d know and stop making assumptions. And as someone who knows Nico, he’s definitely doing that, but probably not talking to you about it because he thinks he’ll just burden you with it.”

Clementine groans. “That’s the crux of it, I think. We’re not talking about the things that matter. We should be able to do that. Because I also think I’m burdening him with my unnecessary problems.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Luke starts. “Cap’s miserable and you’re miserable because you’re not…talking to each other?”

“Well, when you put it like that, I sound like a dumbass.” She picks at her nails. “It’s also more than that. A lot of factors involved.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Jack promises. 

Clementine glares at him. “No. Stay out of it, Jacky. You too, Luke. I’m not putting you guys in the middle of our shit when you have to play with him.”

“I’m not gonna say anything bad,” Jack says. “You said that you feel like he doesn’t wanna talk to you, right? Which I know is a load of bullshit. He, again, probably just thinks he’s bothering you with his shit because that’s how Nico operates. He’s a great captain and will listen to anyone else’s problems, but thinks that no one wants to hear his, which, like you said, is stupid, especially when it comes down to you two. I’ll talk to him, Clee. Give him a little push. And then you two need to talk.”

She turns towards Luke — since when does she trust Luke enough to determine a good idea from a bad one? — who shrugs. “It wouldn’t hurt,” Luke says. “Jack has a way of getting through to Nico like no one else can.”

“Yeah, but that’s on ice stuff. This is off-ice stuff. And something that doesn't involve you guys.”

Jack lets out a little noise at that. “Hate to say it, but the second you guys started dating, we were already involved.”

She sighs. Because he’s right. Again. “I love him,” she says. 

“I know. And he loves you too. No one’s doubting that,” Jack says. The oven beeps and before she can move, Luke rushes to gather the pies. “I won’t overstep, I promise.” 

They let the topic go for the rest of dinner. 

…..

Clementine doesn’t even get the chance to fully swing open the door the next afternoon before Nico’s pulling her into a tight hug. She freezes for a few seconds before melting into his embrace, rubbing her thumbs against the back of his neck as he rests his head on her shoulder. He mumbles something and she asks him to repeat it. 

He straightens up, hands still wrapped around her and clears his throat. “I always want to be around you.”

She blinks, before sighing in realization. “Whatever Jack said, it’s-”

“It’s not about what he said,” Nico says, closing the door behind him. “Not entirely. He just…lit a fire up my ass a bit.”

“A bit too bluntly and with so little tact that would seem rude if it wasn’t coming from Jack?”

Nico snickers. “Yeah.” He calms down and looks at her seriously. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she responds automatically.

“No, I mean,” he pauses and swallows. Clementine knows his wheels are turning. Even after being in North America for almost a decade, sometimes his English fails him and it takes a few moments for him to formulate what he wants to say. “I love you. I always want to be around you. I want to hear about your days at the hospital and I want to kiss you after every win and to hug you after every loss. But most importantly, I want to hear about your thoughts and feelings about everything, and that includes us. I’m sorry that you haven’t felt comfortable to do that lately.”

Her heart lurches and she places her hands on his cheeks. She can’t take the sad, watery eyes. “Hey. Hey. It’s okay. It’s alright. It’s on me too.”

He vehemently shakes his head, his hands reaching to wrap around her wrists. “No, it’s not. I-I’m the one with- you’ve given me so much control, with the season and everything, when you’re just as busy. Probably even busier than me. Shit, you’re literally a doctor. That’s nothing compared to what I do.” 

“Nico-“ 

“I know I need to work on communicating and letting people in. It’s been an issue my whole life. Just ask Nina. I, you know, the team is wonderful and supportive, but I still feel the need to not let them know too much about my struggles, you know? Because I’m supposed to be the leader. But you’re not part of the team. Not in that way. You’re my girlfriend. My best friend. And I need to work on talking things through with you instead of my instinct of shutting down or dealing with it myself.” 

Clementine blinks, taking it in. She’s always known Nico to be self aware, but this is a whole new level. 

He kisses her gently, before pressing his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry. I’ll be better. That’s a promise. You can come to me with anything, even if you don’t think it’ll be something I want to hear. You can trust me. Rely on me. I’ll prove it to you everyday.”

“You don’t need to prove anything to me,” she says, rubbing his cheekbones with her thumbs. “Just…please talk to me? And I also need to work on doing that with you. I know we’re both busy and have our own separate lives-”

“You are a part of my life,” Nico assures. “A huge part. Like yeah, it’s separate with the fact that you have the hospital and your people there and I have hockey and the people there, but not really. We’re a team, right?”

She smiles at him repeating her words back to her face. She had said that once in their phone calls over the summer where she started rambling about how she’s always seen romantic relationships as more than just sweeping each other off their feet. ‘If the two people aren’t on the same team, then what’s the point? Then it’s just two people with a whole lot of feelings who never truly see each other eye to eye’ she had said. 

“Yeah. We’re a team. Since we’re a team, can I propose something?”

“Anything,” Nico rushes out. And it’s so nice to know for sure that he means it. 

“Can we try to do one night a week? Just for us? Unless you’re on a road trip or I have a weird shift schedule for some reason. Obviously, more would be great, but one at the bare minimum?”

Nico hums. “One guaranteed date night with you every week? I think I can manage.”

“You think?” she pokes his side. 

“It’s perfect,” he says with pure sincerity. “You’re perfect.”

She rolls her eyes. “Far from it.”

“False,” he beams, sneaking another kiss. Clementine’s heart feels the lightest it’s felt in weeks. “I can’t believe Jack was right.”

She snorts. “About? Jack’s never right.”

“I know,” he rolls his eyes, before looking at her in a way that makes butterflies flutter in her stomach. “But he was right this time.”

Oh. They’re not talking about the fight anymore. 

…..

(Clementine finally tells Nico everything that day about the overthinking — the tendencies and the topics she was overthinking about this time. He’s rubbing her knee as she talks about how she feels like she has to be setting an example or something because she’s dating him. She knows he wants to interrupt and assure her. She appreciates that he waits until she finishes. 

He reassures her, which is nice, but he realizes that that’s not necessarily what she needs. Clementine just needs someone to listen. And Nico thinks everything she says is always worth listening to. 

But Clementine also likes to be proactive and have tangible next steps, something she and him have in common. So they both come up with the first step: Clementine sends a text to Kristen Haula, who has a lot of experience of just … being the significant other to a professional athlete. Kristen responds quickly and kindly, asking when Clementine has a day off from work where she can come over and they can chat. 

It’s always a breath of relief knowing people want to help with problems that she thinks are stupid. Because they’re usually not stupid. Nico’s there to assure her of that. 

She goes to sleep that night with a smile.)

…..

That conversation is just the start. Because you can say all you want in a relationship, say you need to improve things, but until things are actually done, it doesn’t mean squat. 

She can tell there’s something on Nico’s mind, even in the short phone call as he’s heading to the rink before a game and she’s heading home from the hospital. Clementine asks multiple times if he’s sure he’s okay and he tells her he’s fine, so she lets it go, wishing him good luck and assuring him she’ll be watching. 

The Devils lose 5-1 to Vegas, and it’s so tough to watch that she almost wants to turn it off before it ends, especially after the camera pans to Nico’s face and Jack breaking his stick on the boards in frustration after the final buzzer sounds. A four game losing streak. 

After giving Jack and Luke extra long hugs, Luke burying his face into her shoulder and Jack clutching her t-shirt, she calls Nico as she’s climbing into bed.

“Hey baby.”

“Hi.”

“Don’t beat yourself up too much, okay? Are you back at your place?”

“Yeah. What are you doing awake?”

She swallows at his blunt tone. “I wanted to catch you afterwards.”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Get some sleep.”

“Oh. Okay. Are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”

A rustle on his end. “I’m sure.”

“Want me to come by tomorrow morning? I don’t have to head in until the afternoon.”

Silence. “Yeah?” The raspy voice he’s gotten from yelling during the game momentarily makes her smile because she’s always found it so attractive. “Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“Okay,” she thinks his voice softens. “Yeah. I’d love that.”

“Great. Goodnight, then. I’ll see you in the morning. Sweet dreams. I love you.”

“Goodnight, Schätzli. I love you.”

The next morning, she punches in Nico’s code and walks in to him pouring out a cup of coffee for her. He’s dressed in his typical day off attire: a random t-shirt that she thinks looks unfairly good on him, gray sweatpants and his hair is all messed up. She paddles over to the kitchen.

From behind, she wraps her arms around his waist. “Hi baby.”

“Hey,” he turns in her arms to peck her lips. “You eat yet?” He asks. 

“Mmhmm.”

He hums, following her to the couch and sinking down right next to her. He tucks himself into the blanket with an involuntary hum, burying himself into the pillow, dragging her down so that she’s laying on his chest. She breathes in his scent and automatically smiles. She feels him physically relax. 

“How’s the hospital been?”

Clementine shrugs. “The usual.”

“Tell me more.”

She blinks. Oh, she realizes. And she then talks about random details of her week that don’t actually matter but she’s figured out that sometimes he just likes to listen to her voice. Whether to ground himself, get himself out of his own head or both. He hums in all the right places to show he’s listening, but she also doesn’t really need him to listen about the workplace drama of people having a theory that two of her coworkers are hooking up. 

There’s a lull in the conversation as she listens to his heartbeat. She thinks he might have fallen asleep. She doesn’t dare move to check.

“Eight.”

So he’s not asleep. She taps her fingers on his chest. “Hm?”r

“This is my eighth season in the league. Eighth in Jersey. And I have nothing to show for it.” She swallows. She debates sitting up so she can see him, but she stays still. He sighs. “I feel like we’re just never going to have a good start to the season, and it’s just like this every year and I’m not doing anything right. I can’t shoot. I can’t score. I can’t lead this team.” 

“Nico-“ 

“At this point, if we’re not the team that’s gonna get Jersey to the cup, then who is? It’s always been about potential and things falling into place and sometimes I feel like all of it has and then we end up falling short anyways.” He starts breathing faster and Clementine sits up, holding his hands. She can see the storm in his eyes. “Fuck, I’m the captain. Part of my job is to make sure this doesn’t happen and that when we gain momentum, that we don’t lose it. But it feels like we can’t even gain that momentum so we’re stuck in whatever the hell we’re stuck in. It’s starting to remind me of my first few seasons here, which really fucking sucks and just shouldn’t be where we’re at. Are the pieces ever going to come together like everyone has been saying it will?”

(In the back of her mind, Clementine’s stomach drops because Nico rarely swears, and he just dropped two f bombs in the last 15 seconds)

She squeezes his hands. “Nico. Please listen to me when I say this. It is not all on you. Captain or not, no one is expecting you to carry all of that on your shoulders.” He opens his mouth to counter but she’s quicker. “Nope. I don’t want to hear it. If I’ve learned anything from growing up with three hockey-playing brothers, is that hockey is a team sport. You win together. You lose together. Everything you go through? You go through together.”

“But I feel like I’m not doing anything right.”

“If any single one of your teammates heard you right now, I know they’d smack you in the face.” Clementine says bluntly. “Even before we were dating, from day one of training camp in Jack’s rookie year, when you didn’t even have the C yet, he was already raving to me about how good of a role model you were. You didn’t just get that C just because, Nico. You were and are the best option. I fully believe it. Your teammates respect you so much, baby. I see it with my own eyes every game. And they love and respect you enough to know that this is not all on you. You lead your team so beautifully. It is your team. And fuck the media and what they’re saying. Half of them can’t even hold a stick in their hand or skate. Literally who cares what they think? The outside noise is all bullshit anyways.” She rubs his cheekbones with her thumbs. “I know my words can’t fix the slump you guys are in. But I refuse to let you believe that any of this is entirely your fault. It is anything but. I refuse you to let you believe you’re anything but a good leader. You are the best leader. But you need to put less pressure on yourself over things that are out of your control.”

She lets her words wash over him, as he nods. One of her favorite things about him is that he’s always so expressive, especially in the domestic environment of his apartment under the maroon blanket she knitted him for Christmas. Here he is, not under any arena lights, just in his home away from home, trying to find some grounding. She places a kiss on his forehead and he practically falls into her touch.

“Everything about you always helps,” Nico whispers. “Thank you.”

“No need,” she smiles as his cheek rests on her stomach, arms wrapped around her waist in a tight embrace. “It’s okay to be frustrated and upset, honey. I get it. But you’re gonna drive yourself insane if you keep holding all this weight on your shoulders. Share it with others. Share it with your teammates. Share it with me. It’s what we’re here for.” Nico mutters something in German and she snorts. “English, please.”

“I don’t want to share it with you if it means I’m gonna explode and scare you. That’s the last thing I want to do.”

Clementine blinks, digesting that statement. She picks her words carefully. “It’s more than okay to show emotions. Any psychologist would tell you it’s healthy to do so. The fact that you’re afraid at the idea of scaring me is probably a good indicator that you won’t. And please. Give me some credit. I don’t get scared easily.” She leans down to press a kiss in his hair. “I mean it. Share the burdens, baby. We all want to help.” 

He hums and she lets him play with her fingers before she has to go to work. 

…..

There were cons to not living near the boys for eight years — missing big moments and not having their presence around all the time being the two biggest ones. 

But there were pros too. Such as, not being a part of moments that she would rather be anywhere else for. She doesn’t know who gave the three boys the sex talk (it probably was Quinn, but who gave it to him?) and she knows that if she had been in Toronto or Michigan during that time, she would’ve begrudgingly done it and hated every second. 

If she thinks about it too much, it’s kinda incredible how she hasn’t encountered this particular situation yet. 

This particular situation being this: Clementine’s just come back from an overnight shift she got let off early from, exhausted to her bones but not exhausted enough to be immobile. On the drive back from the station, she was debating whether to stop by her favorite deli or make her own brunch. She ultimately decided that there are too many things in the fridge to justify her going to the deli. Maybe next week. 

So now here she is, preparing her feta egg bake thing that she saw on TikTok, a mix of vegetables drizzled in olive oil and various herbs sitting on the counter on another tray, ready to go into the oven. She hears the front door open and glaces at the clock on the microwave. Morning skate must’ve been earlier than normal today. 

“Hello?” Luke’s voice calls out. 

“In the kitchen!”

She hears two pairs of footsteps come closer, assuming that Jack is with him. Though if she had stopped to think about it, she would’ve automatically thought it was weird that he didn’t call out a greeting either. She turns around, half smile planted on her face. The half smile doesn’t exactly drop at the sight of the unknown blonde girl next to him. Just turns more confused. Before Clementine can say anything, Luke speaks up. 

“Hey. I didn’t think you’d be home until later.”

“They let me out early,” she searches her mind quickly, trying to see how to ask who the fuck is in their kitchen without sounding like a bitch. 

Luckily, Luke does it for her. He clears his throat. “Uh, Clemmy, this is Ava. Ava, Clemmy. Or, Clementine, I guess.”

Clementine decides to put him out of his misery a bit. She hopes her smile is friendly enough. “Nice to meet you, Ava.”

“Same here. Are you Jack’s girlfriend?”

Before she can stop herself, she snickers. “He fucking wishes.”

“That’s Amelie,” Luke corrects. “Clemmy’s dating Nico, my captain.”

Ava’s eyes widen. “Oh. I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay,” Clementine waves away her apology easily. “A lot of names. A lot of characters. Speaking of, where is Jack?”

“Dropped him off at Amelie’s after practice, actually. She’s totally gonna kill me though. I think she has to head to Philly later.”

“She’s definitely gonna kill you. Have you two eaten yet?” She asks politely. 

Ava nods. “We did. Thank you so much though.”

“Anytime.” Luke makes a move to lead Ava to his room and Clementine immediately gets the hint. “If you change your mind, our fridge is open to all. I live here, which means there should be something edible.”

“Hey!” Luke protests. The two girls laugh. “Thanks though. Are you heading to Cap’s?”

Clementine shrugs. “I was going to eat, nap and maybe head over later, but I also didn’t know your morning skate was earlier than normal. Maybe I’ll go over to his and use him as my pillow.”

“Don’t drive if you’re too tired,” Luke warns, sounding entirely too much like Jack. “Hisch can wait if needed.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She waves her spatula at them. “Alright. I’m off an overnight shift, so you know what that means.”

Luke rolls his eyes as Ava looks between them curiously. “Your social battery is at its lowest and you’ll start snapping soon.” Ava looks amused and Clementine grins. “C’mon, Ava. Let’s go to my room.”

“It was nice to meet you,” Ava says. 

“Likewise,” Clementine responds. The second Luke’s door shuts, she puts the feta egg bake and the vegetables in the oven and immediately grabs her phone, thumbing over to her text chain with Nico. 

Clementine Sandoval 

lol just had a major big sister moment 

She gets a reply in seconds. 

Nico Hischier 

???

A moment you haven’t already experienced?

Clementine Sandoval 

luke just came home with a girl I’ve never met before 

Nico Hischier 

In the day time? Lol

Does Jack know about this? 

Clementine Sandoval 

lol i’m assuming not

i def would’ve heard about it by now 

luke’s not that stupid if he wanted to keep it quiet (which it seems like he does) jack would be the last person he’d tell 

Nico Hischier 

You do realize I’m their captain, right? 

I could very well be with Jack right now. He could be looking over my shoulder

Clementine Sandoval 

please i’m not an amateur 

luke already told me he dumped jack at amelie’s 

what are you doing the rest of the day?

Nico Hischier 

Sitting on my coach and staring at the wall waiting for my beautiful girlfriend to come by after she takes her nap  

Clementine Sandoval 

whipped 

any chance i can come by earlier and nap at yours? didn’t know you guys had an earlier skate 

Nico Hischier 

Door will be unlocked ❤️

Clementine Sandoval

???? your door has a code 

but thanks 🩵🩵 i’ll come by after i eat

After her food is cooked thoroughly, she eats quickly, flicking through emails on her laptop. She can hear a movie playing through Luke’s laptop in his room and murmured voices through the door. As she’s cleaning up and getting ready to head out, she debates on whether she should tell Luke or not. She probably should, because then he’ll start worrying, which is something that she’s noticed all the brothers have done more as they’ve gotten older. 

“Luke!” She calls, “I’m heading out.”

“Okay,” she hears his voice through his door. “Are you coming back for dinner?”

“Not sure yet. I’ll text you.”

“Okay!”

Clementine chuckles before grabbing her stuff and closing the front door behind herself. 

Nico snorts as she’s retelling what happened, sipping on a cup of coffee. Clementine’s rambling to the max, sitting up on his kitchen counter and swinging her legs, not stopping even as Nico slips himself inbetween them and plants his hands on her thighs. 

Suddenly, she trails off with a yawn. He chuckles softly before engulfing her in a hug, kissing her neck softly. “Couch or bed?” 

“You don’t like just lounging on your bed.”

“But it’s your nap time and you like my bed.”

She plays with his hair, placing her cup of coffee down carefully. “Couch.”

“Okay,” he hums, helping her off the counter. “Is there anything I need to wake you up for later?”

“I made some sort of promise a few days ago that I’d cook Jack and Luke dinner, and I feel bad that I haven’t done it yet.”

“They can come over here and we can both cook them something.”

“You have groceries in your fridge?”

He gives her a look as she giggles. He tosses a blanket over her. “Sleep before you start getting sassier on me.”

Clementine hums, eyes already drooping. She tugs at his shirt as he’s about to leave. “Stay.”

“Baby-”

“Just until I fall asleep,” she grins as he climbs in, immediately burying her head into his chest as his arm wraps around her. She hums, eyes already shut. “I love you,” she murmurs against the cotton of his shirt.

She feels the gentlest kiss on her forehead before drifting off to sleep.

…..

Clementine loves being able to switch her brain during a live hockey game. Unless she gets a call from anyone at the hospital — which hasn’t happened yet — any good hockey game can turn her often overtired and overstimulated brain off. 

So when Sarah, one of the staffers she frequently runs into at Devils games, comes up to her row, Clementine’s immediately standing up. “Sarah? What are you doing up here?”

“Can you come with me for a second?” At Clementine’s concerned stare, Sarah continues quickly. “Nothing bad! Just want your help on something medical related.” 

“Medical related?” Clementine stands up and starts following Sarah. 

“One of the kids in the Islanders box hurt herself and I’m pretty sure it’s just a sprained ankle, but you work with kids so I figured you could give another opinion and calm her down, maybe? If you don’t mind, of course.”

Clementine breathes out a sigh of relief. This she can handle. “I don’t mind at all. Jesus, Sarah. I thought it was something more serious.”

Sarah grimaces. “Sorry. Again, I just want a second opinion. I’m sorry to interrupt you watching the-”

“I get it. And hey, I’ve watched dozens of games by now.” They arrive at the visitor’s suite and somehow, Clementine feels immediately at home even though there’s an adorable blonde girl crying on the floor with her mother kneeling down next to her. 

Clementine bends down and sits on the back of her heels. “Hi cutie. My name is Clementine. I’m here to help you, okay?” The mom, who is drop dead gorgeous, mutters some encouraging words to her daughter. “Can you tell me what happened, sweetie?”

Inbetween hiccups, the young girl explains that she was running around because her dad had just scored a goal but had run into a chair and had fallen backwards and now her ankle really hurts and if it’s broken she won’t get to play with her friends at recess. Clementine softly shushes her and calms her down before asking if she can take a look. The young girl nods and Clementine gingerly takes her ankle, rolling up her jeans. She speaks to the girl softly (who Clementine learns is named Winnie), asking about who she’s here to see and the game and anything else to keep her distracted while she does her routine checks. 

Clementine taps her ankle. “Well, good news, Winnie. It’s only swollen, which won’t require going to the hospital. I’m just gonna wrap it up for you and get you some ice to keep on it, okay? And lots of rest, which means no running around for a bit.” She nods thankfully at Sarah, who runs to grab some bandages and an ice pack. 

“Does that mean I get to watch Disney all day tomorrow?” Winnie asks. 

Clementine laughs. “That’s gonna be a decision your mama has to make.” She turns to the gorgeous blonde again with a smile. “Everything’s all fine. Just lots of rest and ice and she’ll be good in no time. You can give her children’s motrin if she complains that it hurts too much, but it shouldn’t if she isn’t moving it around.”

“Thank you so much,” she says gratefully, putting her hand out. “I’m Sydney. It’s nice to meet you. I’m really sorry for interrupting your game.”

Clementine waves her away. “It’s no problem at all. I’ve seen a bunch of these, so I’m not too pressed.”

“Are you a doctor?”

“Not yet technically. I’m in my second year of residency with pediatrics and ER. But I promise I know what I’m doing.”

“Oh, no! I trust you, don’t worry. You have a very calming presence.”

“Well, your daughter is super sweet. So I’m sure you have a lot to do with that.”

Sydney beams. “You’re so sweet! Thank you.” 

“Who are you here for?”

“Number 17. Matt Martin. He’s my husband. How about you?”

Clementine chuckles, as Sarah comes back with the supplies and Clementine wraps the bandage around Winnie’s ankle. “Depends who you ask.”

“Oh?”

“Well, I grew up with Luke and Jack. 43 and 86. But I’m dating Nico. Number 13.”

“That’s the captain, right?”

“It is.” 

Clementine’s surprise must show through her voice because Sydney laughs. “Honestly, I don’t know why I know that. I blame my past journalist self who picks up on details quickly. Or the Devils and Islanders being in the same division.”

“That’s completely fair. I feel like I know too much about hockey for someone who never played.”

“It’s an added layer when we choose who we surround ourselves with, right?” Sydney says and Clementine nods with a smile. “Where are you doing your residency?”

“I’m mainly at NYC Health and Hospitals / Bellevue. First and 28th.”

“Do you live in the city?”

“Oh, no. Though that’s probably smarter, right?” They both laugh. “No, I live with Jack and Luke in Hoboken. They kinda begged, and it saves me money, and I don’t mind the commute.”

Sydney looks around for Winnie, who’s hanging out with one of the other Isles wives and is occupied. “Am I keeping you from someone? Thank you again for all your help.”

“No, not at all! Decided to come out solo tonight.”

Sydney then nods to two empty seats against the glass. “Come sit with me?”

Clementine just smiles and follows her to the seat as Winnie runs at her legs. The two women laugh as Clementine picks her up and sits her on her hip. 

She leaves that night with a new number in her phone. Jack whines about her “befriending the enemy” as Luke cackles. Nico just grins, because he knows what it’s like to be captivated by her energy instantly. 

*****

Clementine’s reading on Nico’s couch when she hears him groan loudly from the kitchen. When she doesn’t hear an explanation, she finishes the sentence and looks up. 

“Everything okay?” 

“No,” he grumbles, walking back in and typing something rapidly on his phone. “The rookies and the young guys went out and got way too drunk and called me by accident. I literally couldn’t understand more than two words of what Shea was saying.” 

“How are they getting home?” 

Nico sighs and picks up his keys. “I’m getting them. I don’t trust them to not puke all over an Uber right now.” 

“But you trust them to not puke in your car?”

“I’ll tell them to aim out the window.” 

Clementine snorts, standing up. “You drank earlier. I’ll drive.” 

Nico blinks. “I didn’t drink that much.” 

“Don’t care. I’m driving. How many of them are there?” 

Nico looks at his phone, presumably his texts, to confirm. “Five. But apparently Luke called Jack so he’s coming too.” Nico laughs, reading another text. “And Amelie. Must be a similar vibe at the Hughes apartment tonight.” 

“It was. Amelie told me they were having a chill date night too.” She quickly goes to Nico’s room to toss on one of his Devils sweatshirts. She comes back out and sticks her hand out as Nico slips on his shoes. “Keys. And grab a few trash bags, please.”  

Nico obeys before they’re both out the door, his hand naturally brushing against her back as they wait for the elevator. “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“All of this.”

She snorts as the elevators doors shut. “Don’t need to apologize for your teammates acting their age.”

“Yeah, but it’s not your responsibility to deal with that.”

“It’s yours though.”

He furrows his eyebrows. “I’m not following.”

She rises on her tiptoes to kiss him, to which he responds with enthusiasm despite his confusion. “Your boys, my boys, no?” She murmurs against his lips, letting him steal two more kisses. “I’m dating you. You’re the captain of an NHL team. You look out for the guys. Therefore, so do I.”

Nico shakes his head with a fond smile as the elevator doors open and he shuffles them both to the garage, his hands steadily on her hips. “You’re the best, you know that?”

“Been told that once or twice in my life,” she dodges his pokes as they walk to the car. 

It only takes them 15 minutes before they’re in front of a bar. Nico pulls in right next to Jack’s car and Clementine laughs as all four of them get out of their cars at the same time. One look at Amelie tells her that she probably was dragged out of bed to come here.

She nods at the younger girl as they trail behind their boyfriends walking into the bar. “Chauffeur?” 

Amelie smiles wryly, handing her a few bottles of water for whoever is coming in Nico’s car. “No. I’m the one who actually opened the wine tonight. But I don’t trust Jack to wrangle these guys by himself. Also, he promised he’d get me lunch from my favorite place tomorrow before I have to drive to Long Island.”

Clementine whistles. “Good girlfriend you are.”

Amelie tosses an arm around Clementine’s shoulders, which makes the latter grin. Amelie had been a bit shyer when they met at the start of the season, but she likes to think she’s cracked the photographer’s exterior a bit. They walk into the bar and just follow the guys, who quickly find their teammates. Clementine only raises an eyebrow as Seamus stumbles to give Nico a hug, almost taking out Simon in the process, who looks like he’s about to either fall asleep or throw up any minute. Jack is subtly steering glasses of alcohol away from Alex as he’s chatting away to Luke. Clementine’s half convinced he’s speaking Swedish and Luke’s too drunk to realize. She scans the bar to find the last straggler and chuckles when she sees Nico (little Nico, she affectionately calls him) come out of the bathroom. He brightens up when he sees the older girl and Clementine laughs loudly as he almost falls into her arms. 

She, Nico, Jack and Amelie corral everyone into the two cars — Luke, Alex and Nico riding with Jack and Amelie and Seamus and Simon with Clementine and Nico, all purely based on proximity. Clementine gives both Amelie and Jack hugs before climbing into the drivers seat. She gives Seamus and Simon each bottles of water as she starts the engine. 

“Drink. The whole thing. Both of you.” She commands. She peeks through the rearview mirror to make sure they do. 

“I’m waiting for the lecture, Mrs. Cap.” Seamus groans out.

Clementine snorts. “No lecture from me. But you guys do remember that you have a team meeting tomorrow, do you?”

“How do you know that?” 

Nico snorts as an answer as Clementine rolls her eyes. “How much did you guys have?”

“I stopped counting after the third round of shots,” Seamus says. Simon might have fallen asleep for all she knows.  

“And who bought that round?” Nico asks. 

“Luke,” Seamus and Clementine say simultaneously. She hears Simon groan, so he’s not asleep. Nico just chuckles. 

It only takes 30 minutes to get them both safely home and to get back to Nico’s apartment. It’s almost 2 a.m. by the time they get back. Clementine gets comfortable fast, with Nico’s body pressed up against hers. The last conscious thought she has before drifting off to sleep is that she wants to do this with him for the rest of her life. 

The first thing she hears when she wakes up is a bunch of male voices. She squints at her phone. 10:27 a.m. Team meeting started at 10. She yawns and rolls out of bed, washing her face and brushing her teeth before deciding to go fix up a quick breakfast for herself before locking herself in Nico’s room so the team can do whatever they do during team meetings. 

The voices all halt as she nears the living room. Any other situation she would be a bit embarrassed perhaps, but frankly, they all know and should’ve expected this. And they’re in her apartment. Or Nico’s. But it also might as well be ours. 

She offers a lazy salute. “Morning boys.” A chorus of greetings echoes and Clementine chuckles. “Don’t mind me. I’ll be out of your hair in a second.”

“You can stay,” Nico says softly with a smile from where he’s standing behind the couch. She just waves him off, pours out a cup of coffee, quickly fixes herself some hummus toast with feta on top and slips back into his room. 

She sets her food down carefully on the bedside table and eats while scrolling through her email and social media. She even puts her headphones in so she’s not tempted to listen to the guys through the wall.

It’s about a half an hour later when she hears a faint knock on the door. She calls out a “come in” and takes out her Airpods with a smile when Nico peeks his head in.

“Hi Schatz.”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“The boys wanna say hi,” she opens her mouth to protest but he beats to her to it. “We’re pretty much done. Pizza’s coming any minute so we’re just chilling out now.”

Clementine grabs her empty plate and mug, rising up to her toes to press a kiss on his cheek. “Breaking the diet?”

“We just won a tough back to back. We deserve it.”

“Sure you do,” she chuckles as he playfully swats her butt. They walk back out into the living room together and she rolls her eyes as everyone cheers. Nico heads back to the living room as she heads into the kitchen to start another pot of coffee, politely nudging Dawson and Dougie out of her way. 

Nico’s apartment is spacious, but twenty plus hockey players all crowding around make it feel much smaller than normal. Clementine decides to swing herself on top of the counter to chat with Luke and John, mostly content with listening to them talk.

When she hears a chorus of laughter, she turns to the living room to see what’s going on to already see quite a few of the guys looking at her. She raises an eyebrow at Nico, who she swears has a slight blush painting his cheeks. But he doesn’t shy away and beams at her instead. With some boldness, she bounces over to him, squeezing in beside him on the couch. He leans into her touch automatically. She wonders if this is a side of their captain his team hasn’t seen much before. 

That last thought has her hesitant for a second, but as if Nico can sense it, he takes her hand off his shoulder and kisses the back of it before going back to a previous conversation with Jesper. Her hand remains in his. She catches Timo’s close-lipped smile and Nate’s visible delight. Clementine just sends them a wink before leaning into Nico’s side. 

Without missing a beat in laughing at something Jesper says, Nico places a kiss in her hair. 

(Later, as the team is starting to filter out of Nico’s apartment, Jonas pulls him aside. Nico is immediately on high alert when Jonas decidedly switches to their native language. They don’t do that often during the season.

“She’s great. Clementine,” Jonas starts.

Nico’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. “Yeah? You think so?”

“Yeah,” they both look over to the other side of the living room, where she’s in the midst of a playful debate about something with Jack and Jesper. Though from the way she punches Jack in the arm, maybe it’s not so playful. “I know we met at the end of last season, but I wanted to give it some time. She’s weirdly perfect for you.”

“Spit it out, Jonas,” Nico stares at him. 

Jonas just stares back for a bit before letting out a small chuckle. “I’m really happy for you, truly. You deserve someone like her.”

“Like her?”

“Yeah. Someone smart, beautiful and who will be just as all in as you are.” 

Nico looks down at his feet, heat rising up his neck all of a sudden. “She’s the best, really. Kinda keeps me sane without even trying.”

“That’s all you can ask for from a partner,” Jonas pats his shoulder once before calling out a goodbye to everyone. 

Clementine rushes over to give Jonas a quick goodbye hug. Nico feels himself falling and not wanting anyone to catch him.)

…..

The universe is on their side for the 10 year anniversary of Miguel’s death, with the Canucks scheduled to play in town the day after. Ellen, Jim, Quinn, Jack, Amelie, Luke, Maeve, Clementine and Nico all go out to brunch on New Year’s Day, before heading to the cemetery. 

They’re all bundled up as they lay out a few blankets, lay down their flowers and some of Miguel’s favorite food and snacks. The cemetery is quiet, but it’s quickly filled with everyone’s laughter as they share their favorite memories and reminisce. Quite a few tears are shed and the tissue box is passed around often. 

When they’re about to leave, everyone gets their individual moments by his tombstone to pay their last respects. Clementine and Maeve let the Hughes’s go first, hands intertwined with each other. Then, Clementine and Maeve step up and the young woman swallows, her mom’s head falling on her shoulder. With one last squeeze, Maeve steps back and gently ushers Nico to stand next to his girlfriend despite his gentle protests. 

The second she feels Nico’s arm draping across her back, Clementine lets out a sob as she buries part of her face into his jacket. It’s not a sad sob, but it’s not a happy one. She’s happy he’s here with her. She wishes her dad could meet him and love him as much as she knows he would. 

Once they reach the bottom of the hill, Quinn reaches out to squeeze her hand. She keeps her right hand in his as Nico’s pressed against her left side. She stares ahead at her mother pressed between Ellen and Jim with Jack, Amelie and Luke right behind them in a similar embrace.

The birds are chirping. The sound of the wind is made even more noticeable as it whistles through the leaves. The sun is shining, not a single cloud in the sky.

Clementine feels peace settle into her heart.

[me-sploh-rada-imas]

so i wrote down everything kris said in the spoken part of the q&a bit of the discord live thing and shared it on the joblr discord, but @leopardom suggested i collate it all here as well!

will there be an mv?

yes, definitely, cannot say exactly when. but we have a very good idea for it and i can't say anything right now. a lot of our balkan fans will be very excited about it. we might drop it after the song gets an x amount of streams. maybe 500,000 or something like that. i am not the person who decides.

how long did it take you to record?

complex question. in hamburg we spent 3-4 days on it and recorded 70%. mostly everything except the vocals and some synths. the rest was around a month in ljubljana to finish it, then we mixed it for 2-3 weeks. (mod jokes about sharing there were eight versions in the openstage, kris is confused) more of trying to catch a feeling than a specific sound, that's why. it's hard to communicate that with a mixing engineer. usually it takes about that many versions before we're satisfied.

what was the thought process behind the cover art?

the photo was taken by mark pirc. the artwork seems random at this moment, i can't say much, but it will make a lot of sense.

why did you decide to remove the intro?

i've seen some people asking about this. there's the two-sided nature of playing music before it's officially released. we weren't satisfied with it on tour but it was presentable to be played live. when we got to hamburg we decided we didn't like the arrangement anymore, it wasn't in line with the vibe and spirit of the composition of the song. we toned it down and made it more sensitive because of the lyrics and mood of the song.

bojan said in warsaw that final version would have more instruments (confusion by kris that he was talking about bluza?)

i have no idea what he said, maybe he was referencing the fact that we played the pijano version of the song. but there are like at least maybe 3 or 4 layers of synthesisers and pianos so maybe he was thinking of that. all of those are credited to our "piano playing god jan". i did the guitars apart from the acoustic which is bojan's doing. nace and jure did their parts on drums and bass. the future live performances will be the new version.

who were your biggest influences getting to the final mixed version?

good question. i don't think we had one specific song in mind. we felt like it's a ex-yugoslavian evergreenish kind of song which we grew up listening to, we just wanted to keep that vibe while transitioning from an acoustic song to a complete arrangement. i think we succeeded. i know during the recording process žare said he would liken this song to a song by simple minds or talking heads or something like that, i'd have to look it up. also it kind of gives me the same feeling as when listening to a song by plavi orkestar called od rođendana do rođendana.

we saw bojan post a photo [of a notebook page] with stolica bluza while in london, what was the development process from that?

the first memory i have of the song is bojan coming into the living room and having the lyrics of the first verse and chorus already written, trying to figure out the chords. it was a well-defined song when i first heard it, i can't speak to his initial perception of the song, it came out of him very quickly, which is always a good sign. i think we all very quickly understood what the assignment was with this song so to speak. often we get a song where we want to arrange it and do it but have a lot of figuring out to do, but this song was very clear cut. it fell into place very quickly by our standards.

playing the unfinished song live was an experiment, did you like the process?

it's not the first time we've done it but it's the first time in a long time we've played unreleased songs. we did it before the first album, which was a whole different experience. it's been interesting to see it play out in this international surrounding. i think it did help, especially for šta bih ja, which immediately gained a very positive reception from the crowd and gave us a lot of confidence and direction. we knew we didn't have to change much for šta bih ja, while with bluza we kind of knew this wasn't really what we wanted from the song.

can we expect more songs similar to bluza?

uhhh... i'm sick if you can hear it. i think there will be like one more song comparable to bluza, also in serbian, a bit more slow paced, but the rest won't be that similar. there's only a limited amount of space for that type of song, we don't want to repeat ourselves. hopefully the album will sound like a unified body of work but there's still a lot of variation in it to satisfy our desire for, i don't know, experimenting with new sounds and song types and concepts.

[mirai-e-jump]

TV Guide & TV Life, March 2024 Issues ft. Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger Main Cast Member Interviews (translations below)

TV Life 3/15 Issue, Publication: February 28, 2024

Iuchi: When you first heard the title, "Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger," were you surprised?

Suzuki: I said, "Huh?" in response. I also said "Is that true?" (laughs).

Hayama: For sure, I kept wondering what it meant (laughs).

Iuchi: Did it mean "to cheer up" or "the sound of a car's engine"? I wondered which one "Boonboom" was, but it ended up being a double meaning for both.

Hayama: It seems that "Explosive (Bakuage)" also incorporates the staff's desire to make Super Sentai even more "bakuage" than ever before.

Suzuki: It's upbeat and outlandish in a good way, and leaves an impact.

Saito: Other than the title, I was also surprised by the visual impact of Boonboomger.

Soma: They have tires on their faces.

Saito: These forms have a past, nostalgic feel to them. The more you look at them, the cooler they get.

Soma: When I see them fighting, I get alot more attached to them.

Saito: I think they'll be easier for children to draw pictures of.

Soma: I want them to draw alot.

Iuchi: Genba's hairstyle too. All you have to do is go around in circles a bunch.

Soma: No, no! My hair isn't yakisoba! (laughs).

Iuchi: When I was a kid, I liked miniature cars and played with them alot. However, I never really knew how cars were made. Taiya in particular is a master of development and modification, so I first made sure that I knew about cars, and then I'll try to make him look mature and calm as I play him.

Hayama: What I'm most conscious of, is being cool. I was told that "Red" and "Blue" have always appeared in every Super Sentai production. When I heard that, I felt more responsible. I want children to think that Boonboomger is cool even after they grow up. Especially since Ishiro is the coolest of cool, I try to be like that in the way he stands, and even in the way he speaks.

Suzuki: Mira is a bright, energetic, and innocent kid who enjoys everything. I try to be like Mira from the moment I enter the set. I also try to express myself clearly so that the viewers can understand what kind of emotions Mira is feeling when she speaks and moves.

Saito: Since Jou's a police officer, I started by researching the profession. I watched alot of footage and close up interviews at police academies and learned what it was like to be a police officer. While maintaining the seriousness of a police officer that I felt, at the same time, I want to show him as the cheerful and lively Jou that's eccentric when he needs to be.

Iuchi: Also, the angle of his salute.

Saito: Yeah. I'm careful about that too.

Iuchi: When I imitated it alittle, he said, "It's wrong!" (laughs).

Saito: There's a proper way of doing it. Such as it being with your right hand, not left.

Soma: Genba's rather mysterious and doesn't show his true feelings. He's a unique character that hasn't been seen before, so I try to play him freely without being restrained by anything. I try not to make it too elaborate. I think it'll make it feel more "Genba like."

Iuchi: All five of them are unique. Let's "bakuage" through the whole year so that as many people as possible can enjoy it! _

How would you describe yourself in terms of "Explosive(ly) XX"?

Iuchi Haruhi is: Explosively Stubborn It's fine to be particular, but I've been reminded to listen to the opinions of those around me. I think I've gotten alittle better at this compared to in the past. However, I'm still stubborn in some areas.

Hayama Yuki has: Explosively Long Legs All the small, medium and large sized pants at clothing stores are so long that they don't fit. I thought it was fine, since Ishiro often crosses his legs, which makes him stand out. I'm also prideful (laughs).

Suzuki Miu is: The Explosive Mother Everyone calls me "Mother" on set. This is because I'm the one who arranges everyone's shoes and puts away our lunch boxes. I'm Boonboomger's mama (laughs).

Saito Ryu is: Explosively Extreme I take what I like to do seriously, but I never do anything that I don't want to do. I'm either at 0 or 100. That's why I'm serious in some strange ways (laughs).

Soma Satoru is: Explosively Fun I love anything that's fun, and I like to enjoy everything, whether it's having fun at work or in my private life. I try to keep my spirits as high as possible.

TV Guide 3/8 Issue, Publication: February 28, 2024

Iuchi: When I heard that I was going to be apart of the Super Sentai series, my mind went completely blank. The first time I really felt it was at the introduction meeting. When I saw the documents on the desk, I thought, "Ah, so this isn't a joke" (laughs).

Hayama: Ever since I started acting, it's been my dream to be apart of the Super Sentai series, and this was the third time I auditioned for a role. I felt like I had taken the baton from the blue's of "Avataro Sentai Donbrothers" and "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger", both of whom I know very well. If I was going to do it, I wanted to be blue, so when the decision was made, I immediately asked, "Which color?" and was very happy when they said blue.

Suzuki: I went to the audition thinking, "I'm definitely going to be picked," but when I was finally chosen, I felt a great sense of responsibility and pressure. I strongly felt that since my name would be etched into this historic series, I had to be prepared to take on the challenge.

Saito: I've admired heroes since I was a kid, and I entered the entertainment industry to be apart of the Super Sentai series, so I was very happy when I was chosen. When I put the suit on at costume fitting, I realized that I could finally become a real hero.

Suzuki: You say you entered the entertainment industry because of the Super Sentai series, but what will you do when this is over?

All: Are you going to disappear? (laughs)

Saito: No, the Super Sentai series was just my first goal.

Suzuki: It's a production you absolutely had to do. I'm glad (laughs).

Soma: I've had multiple auditions for the Super Sentai series, but this time I was chosen, so I was very happy. Just like Miu-chan said, I felt pressure behind this happiness. But, on the other hand, I hope to enjoy the pressure and do my best together with my wonderful friends.

Saito: Many of the recent Super Sentai's have a flashy look to them, but Boonboomger has an old fashioned coolness, it's as if, in a good way, we're back in the Showa era. It's very appealing.

Suzuki: Ryu-kun, you're always mentioning the names of various Super Sentai series.

Soma: He's the most knowledgeable out of all of us. He's the Sentai master! (laughs).

Saito: I'm from the "Engine Sentai Go-onger" generation, but thanks to the influence of my sister and mother, I've also seen some of the older ones.

Suzuki: When I heard the title, I thought it was an interesting one, but at the same time, I thought it would be an uplifting and upbeat work.

Iuchi: I'm very happy that I'll be involved in the memories of today's children through this production.

Soma: I think it's a production that focuses mainly on smaller children, so I hope alot of children will watch it.

Hayama: I didn't play with toy cars that much as a kid, but even I think it's cool to see singers turned actors appearing in dramas. Cars are a theme that's easily understood by smaller children, so I feel explosive (bakuage) every day when playing the role (laughs). _

Q: What's the moment when your mood explodes?

Iuchi: I like to write lyrics and compose music with my guitar as a hobby. When I think things like, "I've got the chorus" or, "I've finished a whole song," I feel an explosive sense of accomplishment. But, I haven't let people listen to it…(*The other members then say, "We want to listen to it!"), Well then, I'll play it for you sometime over the next year.

Hayama: I like to appreciate music as an art form, and I'll use music apps to play music randomly by genre depending on my mood. During that time, if I happen to land on a song that I like, at that moment, my mood rises dramatically.

Suzuki: I have the biggest blast when I eat ramen! I really like noodles, but I especially love ramen. Even when I'm exhausted after filming all day long, I've still got energy after eating some ramen. Truthfully, I post the ramen I eat on a secret account with zero followers that no one sees. I write my impressions of what I eat for my own record.

Saito: I like to do muscle training, and I get excited about it. I get more excited when I can actually see my muscles growing after my workout is over, rather than during it. I'll look in the mirror and be like, "Nice~ My muscles are growing~" (laughs).

Soma: I'm from Shizuoka, where I used to play soccer, so the moment I kick a ball is the best moment for me. When I'm playing soccer, I get the biggest rush out of it when I get to play the way I want to play and when punting the ball. It's a great feeling. I put all my stress into the ball…but, I don't have that much stress, so my plays are weak (laughs).

[unknownfacelessfanfictions]

Living Sanctuary

Hemmer x fem!reader (can be read as romantic, however is more platonic with developing feelings) Words: 2.3K Summary: She never really learned anything about his home. Until one day she did Inspired by this post from @nichestartrekkie0-0 (If fanfics not your thing, just ignore this :)) so please chek out their art it's AMAZING

A drop of sweat ran down her forehead, down her temple, down her cheek and was wiped aside by her sleeve before it could fall to the floor.

Her arms felt heavy, but she didn't dare move them for fear that the objects in them would fall to the ground and shatter. Something she could not afford, after all, Hemmer needed these things. At least she was certain there was no harm in them.

The cooling system was offline and no matter how hard the engineers tried, it wasn't getting any better. In the end, it had turned out to be a fault in the system, which could be rectified by a simple reboot.

The problem: this reboot took several hours.

Hours in which the Enterprise had become uncomfortably warm, at least by her standards. She knew from Spock that he enjoyed the temperature and Uhura also had few problems with the change.

However, apart from the fact that everyone felt temperatures differently, she knew that there was one person who would not like it at all: Hemmer.

Based on what she had heard from some of the junior engineers, Hemmer was in an even worse mood than usual, and the temperature was so bad that M'Benga had sent him to his quarters to rest for fear that the Aenar would suffer heat exhaustion. Something that would be even more fatal for Hemmer's species than for her own. M'Benga had eventually interrupted her, lying panting on the sofa, and asked her to check on the Aenar. After all, they both knew how incredibly stubborn their friend could be.

She had agreed without hesitation. Hemmer might have his rough edges, some of them deadly sharp, but he had a heart of gold and she cared for him deeply.

He was a good friend on whom she had always been able to rely, so she would not let him down now. Even if he was still unaware of his luck.

With her elbow, she managed to press the button next to his door, alerting him that someone wanted to come in. For a few moments she stood in the corridor, people walking past her and looking at her strangely, wondering if he was even there. Perhaps he had thrown caution to the wind and gone back to work?

She immediately shook her head and dismissed the idea. Hemmer might be stubborn from time to time and not listen to advice, and when he did he did so reluctantly, but he was not self-destructive.

If Doctor M'Benga told him that the work posed a risk to his health, he would follow the doctor's instructions, grumpily, but he would do it.

Hemmer didn't give her much time to think about it. The doors opened and she quickly entered to avoid standing around stupidly in the corridor any longer. Inside it was only slightly less stiflingly hot than outside, but it wasn't any hotter either, which she saw as a plus.

She looked around searchingly, but couldn't spot the engineer. "Hemmer?" Carefully setting the items down on the sofa, she decided to take off her uniform jacket.

The top underneath would have to do, otherwise she would suffer from heat exhaustion. "Are you all right? Where are you?"

There was silence for a while and she began to wonder whether the door had opened by chance and he was actually somewhere else, but at that moment Hemmer's muffled voice rang out. "I'm fine."

She wheeled round to the bathroom where his voice had come from and only now did she realise the faint sound of falling water. Of course, she silently scolded herself. When the air was too hot, water was an excellent way to cool off.

With long strides, she walked to the door and stopped so that the opening sensor could not detect her. "May I come in?"

A grunt sounded and she frowned worriedly when an approving grumble came from Hemmer.

"M'Benga asked me to come round," she explained as she stepped into the bathroom. "Besides, I was worried about you, I mean, I'm almost dying in these temperatures, I can hardly imagine that it's pleasant for-" As soon as her gaze fell on Hemmer, she faltered and stopped, stunned by the sight before her.

Hemmer seemed to have noticed, as she fell silence surprised and huffed.

"I know I know, I look like a drowned beaver, or whatever you humans call it. But it's the only way to survive this heat."

She broke out of her stupor long enough to lift the corners of her mouth in slight amusement. "It's 'you look like a drowned rat'. And, that's not what caught me by surprise."

Even if this was of course partly to blame for her sudden hesitation, after all she had never seen her friend in such a position before. He sat on the floor of the shower, clever idea the tiles were also cold, and let the cool water run down his body. Consequently, his hair clung to his face in lengthy strands, while his antennae swayed in a dance-like manner, evading the droplets in a game known only to them. But as already mentioned, it wasn't that which had left her speechless.

It was the sight of Hemmer clad in nothing more than shorts, snugly embracing his well-defined muscles, stretching just halfway up his thighs, which intensified her warmth.

This alone would have been enough to induce a blush, but something else caught her off guard. The tattoos.

Dark blue, almost black, tattoos meandered in wavy patterns across his physique, from his chest to his shoulders to his arms, down to his legs and, she surmised, down to his back. They reminded her somewhat of the traditional tattoos of the Maori or the Polynesians, indigenous peoples of Earth, but at the same time they looked completely different, like two worlds at opposite ends of the galaxy.

Hemmer cleared his throat, apparently waiting for an answer, and she squatted down in front of him to be at eye level with him. It may not have done him much good, but she felt more comfortable not having to stare down at him. "Don't take offence, but I didn't expect to find my best friend naked in his shower."

"I'm not naked," he grumbled and she grinned slightly as he tugged at his trousers like a grumpy child. "Besides, I didn't realise you had tattoos." His antennae went up for a moment before returning to their dance and Hemmer frowned. "No? I thought you knew." She laughed softly as she watched drops of water drip down his cheekbones. "How was I supposed to know? It's not like you're regularly parading around half-naked in front of me."

"Do I hear disappointment?" His voice and his grin were provocative, teasing and elicited a laugh from her. "Definitely not." Still, she couldn't ignore the tingling in her stomach, even if she tried her best.

They were silent for a few moments before Hemmer sighed and gestured for her to come closer. "I can feel the heat radiating off you. What's the point of you falling over on me here?" He did his best to sound disinterested, but she knew him well enough to know that he was genuinely worried about her.

She hesitated for a moment, but decided that modesty really wasn't appropriate at this point, and kicked off her trousers and socks so that she was squatting in front of him in her top and panties. No problem, she thought to herself and shifted her weight onto her knees.

She crawled over to him and let out a low cry of shock as the cold water hit her heated skin. It felt like tiny needles were piercing her skin and she pulled back, however Hemmer didn't seem to let that happen.

He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her towards him with such force that she bounced against him and only prevented him from headbutting her by resting her hands on his chest. Not that she would have done anything to him.

She would have been the one with the concussion.

The cold water beat down on her mercilessly. She squealed and wriggled on Hemmer's lap, only realising later that she had landed there, but he didn't allow her to escape.

"You're burning up," he murmured and pulled her a little closer to him so that her hot skin was pressed against his pleasantly cool skin. "So stop squirming or I'll tie you up."

"Kinky," she murmured as her body seemed to slowly acclimatise to the difference in temperature. "Keep it down," came the reply and she grinned softly, slowly relaxing. The water felt good.

Gradually, she felt the feeling of stifling warmth disappear and her glowing skin lowered to temperatures that seemed more bearable, judging by the fact that Hemmer was now relaxing beneath her as well, even leaning into her touch.

"Aren't I too warm for you?" He just shook his head before leaning it against the tiled wall behind him, a slight smile on his face. "It's acceptable. Besides, I know my skin is cool enough to give you relief." She snorted at his posturing, but made no move to free herself from her place on his lap.

"Actually, I came to help you with that." He chuckled softly. It was a sound that came from deep in his chest, where she was still resting her hands, deep and real, and she felt warmth spreading through her again, but this time a different kind of warmth.

"I'm used to getting used to this kind of heat. Have you ever been to California? It was just as bad." She nodded, giving in to exhaustion after a while and leaning her head against his shoulder. "You are indeed nice and cool."

Her hands wandered from his chest to his arms when something struck her and made her lift her head. "Wait, are your tattoos prominent?"

Her fingers danced over the patterns of his tattoos, eliciting a shudder from him that she didn't realise, and sure enough, she could tell that the tattoos weren't just ink poked under the skin, but actually stood out with slight bulges.

They were barely noticeable unless you were sitting half-naked on top of each other, though she guessed it was a lot easier for the heightened senses of the Aenar to detect.

"It would be strange any other way," Hemmer returned with amusement, placing a hand on hers and running it along his collarbone. "Considering we Aenar are blind." Heat rose to her face. She had actually forgotten for a moment that Hemmer himself was blind.

" They're beautiful," she murmured softly, fascinated as she continued to run her fingers tentatively over the patterns of his skin. "You are beautiful." Hemmer left it uncommented, but closed his eyes and his antennae followed her movements.

"Do they mean anything?" He nodded slightly and guided her hand to his upper right arm, where a ring wrapped around his bicep. "Every male Aenar gets a tattoo like this when he comes of age. It's a symbol that we're old enough to serve our people and contribute."

Next, he went to some lines that snaked down his neck to his shoulder blades. To reach them, she had to lean so close to him that his hot breath brushed her face. "These lines symbolise my connection to my family. Can you feel the corners where they end?" She breathed in agreement. "Each of those corners represents a member of my family." There were five in total.

Next, their hands travelled together to his thighs. "These tattoos symbolise the balance of our society, our harmony with nature. The Aenar must live in tune with their environment and learn to live with it to prevent the deadly cold from overtaking them. They humble us, in a good way, and remind us of our place in this world, this universe."

Finally, Hemmer brought her hand to his chest, where the lines formed an intricate pattern that she could not describe in words. "These represent my devotion to healing, to repairing. They are not mandatory among the Aenar, but this pattern represents our pacifist representations. They visualise my duty, my morals, my life."

He did not guide her hand further, but did not release it, so that her hands, covered by his, rested on his chest. Her gaze fell on his left forearm, which was the only part of his body, with the exception of his face, that was completely free.

"And what about here? Is there a reason why there are no tattoos here? Or is it some kind of cultural ban on having them there?" Hemmer shook his head, chuckling softly, and carefully clasped his hands with hers, causing her breath to hitch.

"It's not a cultural taboo to have tattoos there, quite the opposite. The tattoos there represent the family you have established. After the wedding, a band of blue colour is applied below the elbow, decorated with small ornaments. For each child born from this marriage, another band is added."

Fascinated, she looked at his arm and, releasing her left hand from his, ran it over his skin, where a marriage bond would probably be visible in the future. "And what if you get divorced? Are these tattoos reversible?"

 "No." Hemmer took her hand in his again and traced invisible patterns on the back of her hand. "However, divorces are very, very rare for us. We choose our partners with great care, nothing less than perfect comes into question."

She slowly raised her eyes and released her hands to continue tracing the patterns on his skin. "So, has anyone caught your eye yet?"

A hint of a smile appeared on his lips and he carefully lifted his hand to brush a wet strand of hair that was stuck to her face behind her ear, where it remained against her cheek.  "Maybe."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@bigblissandlove1

@akamitrani

@moonlightshaiku

@indignantlemur

[erelavent]

I listened to the hour long high performance podcast with Otmar, which wasn't easy, he's pretty dry, but he drops some truth bombs. Tea is in Red, Interesting facts/stories are in Purple, My Opinions are in Green.

Here is a breakdown:

He discusses that his failure at Aston Martin was due to Lawrence Stroll wanting rapid success after he bought the team. He mentioned that AM was like a church with 2 popes because Martin Whitmarsh was installed into the team and took over 90% of his responsibilities, so he couldn't really do much. He didn't try to challenge the decision too much because Lawrence owned the team, and he has the right to change what he wants.

Over at Alpine, the failure was similar. He didn't have control over the entire team. He said neither the finance team nor HR, communications, or marketing reported to him, they reported to France. He didn't know that would be the case when he signed.

He also wants to clear up that he had nothing to do with Alpine fumbling Oscar Piastri. The failure to sign him and properly file the CRB happened in November, and he started in March. Alpine let him to the fall for their incompetence by putting his face on the press release. He states that the decision to do it was intentional and malicious because he asked the press officer about it and she was specifically told to do that 😭. He mentions that Alpine didn't care about on-track performance so much as the people in charge cared about their careers. Given the closing of the power unit development program, and the reported rampant corruption over there I'm inclined to agree with him.

He mentions that even though they didn't sign Oscar Piastri, they did deliver their end of the contract in giving him 5000km of running time in a 2-year old F1 car to ensure he had the experience to get his superlicense points. He thinks that Oscar not signing after Alpine essentially strung him along is unjust enrichment because he received the benefits of the contract without having to give anything back. We'll agree to disagree on that one.

He throws a bit of shade at Alpine by saying that when he was there, at least they were in the mid-field but now they're 9th in the championship.

He mentioned that when he was there Alpine was 25 horsepower down on power on their engine unit and that there is a gentleman's agreement between engine manufacturers that if you are low on horsepower (regardless of an engine freeze), you are allowed to get it back up and he was advocating for Alpine to get it back to equal levels with all the other manufacturers.

He got fired in a Zoom meeting by the head of HR at Renault, not the CEO of Alpine or a superior. Team principals, they're just like us.

He thinks he was fired because he disagreed on how to change the corporate culture at Alpine. They wanted him to get rid of people who had been at Alpine for a long time and were doing a good job and he disagreed because that sends the message that "Doing a good job gets you fired." He thinks this is directly tied to the collapse of Alpine because all their best staff are currently at other teams.

He said if this ever happened again, he would require that he owns all aspects of leadership at a team rather than having them report to his higher ups. That's common sense I fear. He should have learned that lesson at Aston Martin.

He quoted Peter Drucker by saying "Culture eats strategy for breakfast", which shouldn't have been as surprising to me as it was lmao. They're both Austrian-American management guys but like it caught me off guard.

He discusses the need for psychologically safe environments in F1 teams so people are free to make mistakes and improve without fear of your team member or management stabbing you in the back.

He discusses how applying the theory of a psychologically safe environment is easy when you're winning but much harder when you backslide (*cough* Mercedes *cough*). He says that in times of difficulty, leaders have to be able to take responsibility when they make mistakes because it sets the tone for others. However, it's complicated in an F1 team because not all leaders at each strata may implement this strategy so it's not as effective.

He discusses the need for empathy in making the workplace a safe and enjoyable space because that looks different for everyone, some people care about getting paid more and some care about the breadth and depth of work they get to do.

At this point, the interview starts to sound less like a podcast and more like a job interview. Idk if the hosts realize they're doing this but they're asking "How did you as a TP change the work culture?" "How did you ensure the workspace was enjoyable?" and they're making him give examples. it's not really a conversation so much as him listing his strengths and weaknesses and using the STAR method, but we power on.

He discusses Racing Point and how he personally recruited half the team after assessing what they were lacking compared to other F1 teams. He mentions that the only way he was able to poach top talent at other teams was by creating a culture that made people want to work there.

He talks about how he got clever with the Racing Point budget to make the team an enjoyable place to work including shopping for work benches at Costco (I agree Costco keeps the cost low).

He tells this funny story about Lawrence Stroll taking a tour of the factory to determine whether or not to buy the team. Lawrence walks in to the electronics department to find them instrumenting a front wing with an engineer on a stool balancing the wing on a trash can to get it at the right height.

He said that Vijay Mallya was really hands off at Racing Point which made for a successful team because the team was able to do what they do best without a micromanager watching over them.

He says that compared to Vijay, Lawrence is the opposite because he's completely financially and emotionally invested in the team but it works because Lawrence hates losing and he's not afraid to put his money where his mouth is.

He confirms the story that TWICE, with his partner at Soft Pauer, he paid the salaries of all Racing Point employees out of his own pocket because the payment for F1 was coming in late (he mentioned that by the end of his tenure, there were 408 employees and it was in the millions for pay). With the exception of the higher ups and the finance department, the employees didn't know. He said it was a risk because the money from F1 might not have come or it could have come in and being relegated to other causes and he might not have gotten the money back.

I'm sorry but I'm not gonna clap for Otmar for paying the Force India employees' salaries out of pocket TWICE because how much money was he making to be able to afford to do that in the first place? Does that not speak to an extreme disparity in pay between the team principal and the other employees? It's like when a CEO makes 200 times the average worker. Maybe instead of paying out of pocket, you should have shrunk the pay gap and put the extra funds in an emergency fund for moments when pay would be late.

He said he paid it twice to maintain team morale, even though he didn't tell the employees because why would he, he's not trying to lord it over them.

After he is asked how he gets his business partner who doesn't even work for Racing Point to help pay for the team's salaries and how he poached Andrew Green from Red Bull, Otmar talks about building trusting relationships by listening to the lowest dissenter rather than dismissing them while still giving weight to subject matter experts.

Otmar mentions that what he likes most about F1 is the immediacy of the competition. You see results almost immediately week after week as opposed to waiting 4 years at a car company to see results (he compares it to his days working at Ford).

Otmar says that ideally, he would like a build a new American-backed F1 team in 2-3 years with the right people.

"We're a sport, supposedly." —Otmar Szafnauer (lmao). He mentioned that out of the hundreds to thousands of people working on an F1 team, only 2 are actually sportsmen. So, in reality teams in F1 are really just technological development companies.

In that vein, you respect the drivers but also need to make it known that they don't know everything. He mentions that drivers are supreme athletes but for a lot of them, that came at the cost of a formal education (place your bets as to who he's talking about) so you treat them differently to say, an aerodynamicist.

The host says that this episode was likely filmed 1-2 days after Daniel liked drove in F1 for the last time. I'm not sure if he means Singapore or any of the other times Daniel was rumored to have his last drive. The host asks if, due to this lack of education, we (the general audience of F1) are to harsh on drivers when they underperform. Otmar says F1 is a meritocracy and thus teams have to do what is needed to ensure they perform best in the championship including dropping a driver midseason based on the availability of other drivers and their stats. I disagree, F1 is definitely not a meritocracy.

He mentions that when Logan was dropped, he thought that his replacement would need 3-4 races to adjust but he was wrong because Franco Colapinto got up to speed almost immediately. So though it's a tough position to be in, he understands the need to maintain positions in the WCC.

Otmar says that Daniel was a brilliant driver and he's unsure if his decline is due to confidence because the engineers at Alpine (Renault at the time) sang Daniel's praises and he knows that he eventually outperformed Nico Hulkenberg.

Best driver Otmar worked with is Seb at Aston Martin because of his relentless work ethic. He explains that during restarts, Seb would ask the engineers to measure which part of the track had the highest grip so that in the off chance he was in the lead, he would know to accelerate in that area giving him an advantage over the other drivers. He liked that Seb left no stone unturned and he admired that.

Driver Otmar would never like to work with again is Rubens Barichello (he chose him cuz he's old lol). He tells the story of Rubens complaining that the tyre was shifting on it's rim and underbraking. Otmar thought he was making it up because he didn't think he could feel that and that it was more likely that the grip would deteriorate before the seal for the tyre rim did but Rubens was adamant so they marked it. They checked at the end and it had moved a few degrees but he felt it.

Otmar would have loved to be a TP to either Max or Lando (he knows Lando's dad). He thinks Lando is too hard on himself and if he could be more positive, it would suit him well. He talks about injecting him with some American optimism.

Otmar talks about his other business, EventR. Its an interactive and collaborative itinerary and he created it while at Aston Martin to deal with logistics and changes in a more streamlined way.

TLDR; this entire podcast was a job interview of Otmar's effective leadership and why a team should hire him.

[paracosm-draw]

Just nudging myself into your inbox as a complete stranger 🌈 for Obikin prompts: things Anakin changed about Obi-Wan's life as a Padawan.

It's Sunday prompt day again 🥳

Ngl this one made me tear up a bit but I took great pleasure writing it because their relationship is so precious to me ❤️‍🩹

TW : mention of death

I'm still taking prompts btw ! I'm just slow to write because I'm busy during the week, but you can still send them to me and they will be answered eventually 🌼

_______

It was supposed to be just another pathetic life form Qui-Gon had picked up in the deepest corners of Tatooine. An enslaved little thing he had freed and separated from his mother on the grounds that the child had a midichlorian count even higher than Master Yoda. 

Obi-Wan was more than skeptical, and maybe a little jealous that his Master had turned his entire attention to that tiny, dirty and incredibly chatty boy who was always cold, no matter how many layers of clothes they put on him. 

He had spent a lot of time observing the kid from a safe distance, trying to understand what was so interesting about him. 

He was clearly gifted in the comprehension of the engineering and mechanics of things, able to fix everything with anything and already speaking a technical language Obi-Wan didn't even try to comprehend. Still Qui-Gon could spend hours listening to his rambling with a fond expression on his face that made the young Jedi's heart clench. 

Anakin - he refused to call him by the little nickname everyone seemed to have adopted - was trying to reach out to him every once in a while. Obi-Wan suspected the child was like a cat, always seeking attention from the most disinterested people. He probably didn't like that Qui-Gon’s padawan was still the only one to resist his charming blue eyes and angelic face. 

Obi-Wan didn't interact with him more than necessary, and when he made efforts it was generally after Qui-Gon made a face at him or scolded his attitude towards the younger one. It pissed him off. Anakin was Qui-Gon’s responsibility, not his. He had decided to set Obi-Wan’s training aside to take care of the kid, he couldn't expect his padawan to do the same. 

The few months following Anakin’s entry into their life were a troubling time for Obi-Wan. His daily meditation sessions gravitated around the control of his emotions and his acceptance about the situation. 

It was challenging to hear his Master praise a child day after day for a future that was still incredibly blurry. Anakin didn't even know how to use the Force yet. He was maybe extra-sensitive to it but Obi-Wan joined the council when they said he was too old to be trained. 

If he listened to the darkest corners of his heart he secretly wished Anakin was too old to be trained. He didn’t know how he would react to Qui-Gon taking him as his apprentice. Abandoning him. 

He was not ready yet. He still had a lot more to learn, even if his Master often told him otherwise. He was not ready to let go of the relationship they had developed for so many years, to the comfort and intimacy of it. The bond they shared had been so long and hard to create that he didn’t want to lose it. 

Qui-Gon was his only family, his friend, his teacher, the only one he could rely on in almost every situation. 

Qui-Gon was the universe he floated safely around day after day, a strong and steady pillar in his life, eternal and reassuring. 

And now Qui-Gon was gone. Killed by the filthy hand of a Sith. And his last words were for Anakin. 

The weeks after his death, Obi-Wan moves forward by the mere strength of his will and the comfort he finds in pre-established routines. He feels like a ghost, forcing himself to put one foot in front of the other while his head feels like he’s underwater. 

The child is hard to manage. He cries a lot. Obi-Wan thinks he doesn't really understand what's happening. Master Windu says he’s old enough to understand that Qui-Gon will never come back. 

Obi-Wan doesn’t know how to take care of him. He already doesn’t know how to take care of himself. He’s so caught up in his own grief that he doesn’t have the strength to feel ashamed when he lets Anakin on his own. 

It still twists his gut when he hears the little boy crawling to the bottom of his bed in the middle of the night, curling himself like a kitten on the sheets, making sure to always be far enough not to touch him. Obi-Wan lets him, but he pretends to sleep every time Anakin wakes up in sweat and tears after a nightmare. 

There’s a part of him whispering in his mind that Qui-Gon would still be alive if he hadn’t tried to save the kid. 

But Anakin clings to him no matter what. No matter how Obi-Wan ignores him or speaks to him or pushes him away. He endures all his moods with his head down, patiently waiting for the storm to pass. 

It infuriates Obi-Wan at first. He’s not proud of it but he’s sometimes mean to him, trying to push until he finds his limit. It would be easier if the child hated him. But Anakin never says anything. He might have tears in his eyes but he always comes back to him. 

It takes a while for Obi-Wan to understand that Anakin is even more lonely than he is. Where Obi-Wan has the Jedi council and a few friends across the galaxy, Anakin has no one except for Qui-Gon. And now that Qui-Gon is dead, the closest thing to him… is Obi-Wan. 

After he’d been granted the rank of Master, time flows a little bit more easily and Obi-Wan falls into a reassuring routine. 

He’s heard that time heals all wounds, and it does. It’s slow and it's not linear but he manages to keep his head above the water a little longer each day. 

Then Master Yoda approaches him, asking if he will train the boy now. Obi-Wan surprises himself by accepting after only a day of reflection. It’s Qui-Gon dying wish and it’s the only reason why he does it, he assures himself. 

Anakin learns quickly, and he’s desperate to please. Obi-Wan starts to see what his Master saw in him. 

The child is talented, and he works hard, almost always to the point of exhaustion. 

Obi-Wan tries his best teaching him about the Jedi Code, about the spectrum of the Force, about their purpose in the universe. Mostly he parrots what’d been taught to him, not really knowing where to start and where to go. He’s still lost and he realizes soon enough that having a padawan is a responsibility he wasn’t prepared for. 

In addition, they have to learn to navigate through the new bond forming between them. They don't use it yet but they’re both aware it exists in the Force. Master Yoda says it’s the beginning of all things. 

Anakin is still careful around him, he doesn’t ask for much except a little bit of attention. He still sleeps on the farthest corner of his bed but when he has nightmares, Obi-Wan allows him to scoot closer. 

Their relationship changes slowly and smoothly enough that the older Jedi doesn’t realize when Anakin started calling him ‘Master’, or when he had made a mental note of the kind of food he liked after a hard training day. 

It bothers him at first, to realize that despite what he’s telling himself, he cares about Anakin. He does. The boy did grow on him and he has to admit that he likes teaching him more often than not. 

Anakin might feel the shift because he becomes more comfortable around him, less inhibited and more like himself. Obi-Wan discovers a funny kid with interesting stories, and they start to talk more.

As they open up to each other, they get closer. Obi-Wan asks about his life on Tatooine and Anakin asks about his life at the Jedi Temple. They don’t talk about Qui-Gon, the subject still too painful, even years after. 

Anakin is thirteen and he doesn't stop growing up. Obi-Wan says he’s big enough to sleep in his own bed and Anakin says ‘okay’ but he still sneaks in in the middle of the night. He’s becoming more confident, timidity being progressively replaced by insolence when he wants his Master’s attention. He doesn’t really have friends, despite the council’s advice. He’d rather spend all of his time with Obi-Wan. 

The older Jedi wonders sometimes if that kind of dependence is healthy. He himself starts to feel the aching feeling of loss when Anakin is away from him for more than a few hours. The realization bothers him for a couple of days. What if he’s trying to find a substitute for Qui-Gon in the last thing his Master put his faith in ? He wonders if he has to open up to Master Yoda about this. But he’s never been one to open up easily, especially not about the internal turmoils of his heart. 

So he decides to take the matter into his own hands. 

Of course, Anakin doesn’t understand why he becomes so distant all of the sudden. Why he locks the door of his bedroom or why he leaves him with training groups when he never did before. 

But his Padawan is not the scared nine years old he was when they met, he has a voice and he’s not afraid to use it. 

He confronts Obi-Wan about it and when the Jedi doesn’t give him a satisfying answer, he yells about it. And then he cries about it. He says that Obi-Wan is being unfair and that he always did everything his Master ever asked and that he's being mean punishing him for something he didn’t do. 

Obi-Wan is taken aback when he understands that being away from him is a punishment for Anakin. It comforts him in his decision. 

It last two years. Two years of constant fights between them, two years of Anakin shouting the most horrible things to his face but still sleeping every night on the floor behind his door. Two years of him threatening to leave the Order but meanwhile becoming the more talented padawan of his generation. 

Two years of tension rising up between them. Until it breaks. 

One day Obi-Wan is holding onto the stubborn idea of what their relationship should be according to the Code  and the next he can’t bear to hear Anakin tell him he hates him for the thousandth time. 

He’s just so tired of what they have become. He tries to convince himself he did it for Anakin’s good but he can’t lie to himself anymore. They both suffer from the situation and it brought them nothing except a painful lack of trust and resentment. If he’s truly honest with himself, he doesn’t feel at peace when his padawan is away from him. 

A discussion with Master Yoda makes him understand how he had mistaken independence with rejection, and how his fear of losing Anakin like he had lost Qui-Gon might have been the trigger to the whole mess he’s drowning into now. He had thought that if he doesn't get attached, he doesn’t take the risk of suffering again. But he’s suffering right now, so it was all in vain, years ruined by his own insecurities. 

And he misses Anakin. So he tells him. 

Anakin being Anakin yells at him before listening. But this time Obi-Wan doesn't back up, doesn’t give up on them. He patiently faces his padawan’s anger and listens while Anakin spits his bleeding heart out of his chest and cries and yells some more. 

Then Obi-Wan pulls him into his arms and Anakin stops crying and yelling, too stunned by that foreign thing that is his Master’s affection. It the first time they’re so close and it heals something in Obi-Wan. 

It still takes two more years until they trust each other like before. Except it’s even stronger than before. Obi-Wan came to the realization that the peculiar bond they share is a strength and not a flaw. 

They’re constantly with each other, flying together, training together, fighting together, sitting through boring meetings together. They even share their personal life together. 

Anakin has a permanent place on the left side of Obi-Wan’s bed. Abandoned pieces of a half built droid are lying on Obi-Wan’s desk. There’s a toothbrush in the bathroom that Anakin left just in case. In case of what, Obi-Wan never knew. 

He doesn't really question it. He's never felt so alive with Anakin by his side. The young man is like the brother he never had. 

Time flies and Anakin doesn’t stop growing up. When he’s nineteen Obi-Wan has to raise his head to look at him in the eyes. He struggles a bit more to match his strength during training. He begins to notice the way he attracts attention while being totally oblivious about it. 

He's proud of the Jedi Anakin is becoming. Of the man he's becoming. Fiery and passionate, smart and creative. He truly thinks that if his lightsaber skills matched his wit, he could easily overpower Master Yoda in a fight. 

But he also knows that if Anakin looks  bold and confident on the outside, on the inside there’s still a huge part of him being the little boy he was on Tatooine. He's still full of insecurities, still afraid and starved for affection. He still has nightmares that Obi-Wan tries to chase away night after night. 

Their relationship is not perfect. They still fight, especially since the war against the separatists is hovering menacingly over their head. But as long as Obi-Wan can feel Anakin’s heart beating peacefully when he holds him at night, he decides it’s all worth it. 

Now that he’s facing death, Obi-Wan thinks about all that. About all the changes Anakin brought into his life. About how Anakin made him change and progress as a Jedi and as a man. About how the majority of his life had been Anakin. Anakin’s fears, Anakin’s joys, Anakin’s tears staining his clothes, Anakin’s scent on the sheets of his bed, Anakin’s hand on his shoulder after an exhausting mission, Anakin’s padawan braid tucked inside his utility belt, Anakin’s ambitions and frustrations and trust and anger and love and hatred. He wonders what he has missed. Where he has failed. 

Maybe if he had loved him more, if he had loved him earlier, better, he wouldn't have to face one of his worst nightmare right now. Loosing him to the dark side. Mourning him while he was still alive. 

Having to take the most painful decision of his entire life. Having to kill half of his soul. 

He knows he has to. He knows he can’t. Not when there’s still something of Anakin inside Vader. 

Maybe Vader is right after all. Maybe he is weak. 

He’d rather doom the entire universe than hurt the man his heart is aching for. He’d rather die than even think about killing him. 

So he does. 

And when Vader plunges his lightsaber into his heart, all he’s thinking about is Anakin’s smile, shining brighter than the Tatooine’s suns when they exchanged that promise to always care about each other, no matter what happened. 

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 29

Getting out of Boston with the Fireflies doesn't go as planned. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-28, found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: Canon typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 5.5k

You stuck close to Ellie as you made your way to the building Joel and Tess used to stash things for smuggling, just on the outskirts of the QZ. It was pouring rain, the chill of the coming fall already setting in. 

When the seasons changed the first time after the outbreak, it had caught you off guard. Logically, of course, you knew that the Earth was still turning, still making its annual orbit. The sun still rose and set, clouds still burst, fruit still turned rotten on the vine. But when the leaves started turning around you as you neared what would become the QZ for the first time, it was disorienting. Everything else had stopped, everything else had come to an end. Why would the seasons still change? 

It was a similar feeling now. The already shifting world made you unsteady, like things should have been frozen when Ellie showed up at your door. Her unchanging self was monumental. It felt as though things should stay the same while humanity reckoned with it. 

Tess went into the building first and jerked her head toward a corner and you grabbed Ellie, bringing her there with you while Tess and Joel checked the small building. 

“We’re clear,” Joel said before going and settling in the main room. 

“Try to stick behind me,” you whispered to Ellie. She glanced up at you. “It’ll be OK, they won’t hurt you but…” 

“How well do you know these people?” She asked, her eyebrows drawn together. 

You weren’t quite sure how to answer that. 

“We’ve saved each others’ lives more than once,” you said. She just nodded and followed you into the main room.

Your eyes automatically drifted to the place were Joel had been on the floor when you’d pushed his bones back into his body and pierced his chest so he could breathe. You stood opposite Joel and Tess, Ellie’s small body partially behind you, partially beside you. You glanced at her but she glared back. Of course she wasn’t going to listen, not fully. 

“Look kid,” Tess looked at Ellie. “I don’t have time to fucking coddle you so we’re going to talk like you’re an adult.” 

“Fuckin’ fine by me,” she snapped. You ground your teeth. 

“What the fuck do the Fireflies want with an infected girl,” Tess said, adjusting the grip on her gun. Your muscles tensed. 

“I told you,” Ellie snapped. “I got bit three weeks ago, haven’t turned. No one lasts that long.” 

“So?” Tess said, looking to you. 

“They think she’s immune,” you replied. “That’s why they’re moving her - us. They think she’s immune and with her they can can reverse engineer a cure.” 

“Can they?” Joel asked, looking at you. 

You sighed. 

It’s not like you’d gone to actual college for this. You knew how to run experiments, how to recreate work that had already been done and make adjustments to try to learn something new. You’d never formally learned how to develop a vaccine or invent a medication. If you’d been actually trained on how to do this shit, developing the treatment you had probably wouldn’t have taken you more than a decade. But then, there was a very good chance that no one who knew how to actual develop stuff like this had survived. 

“I don’t know,” you said eventually. “But having a starting point… That makes a big difference.” 

“Tommy talked about this shit for years,” Joel shook his head, looking at you. “You didn’t fuckin’ buy it then.” 

“Not sure I buy it now,” you shrugged. “This isn’t my area of expertise, Joel. If you recall, I wanted to go into pediatrics and then all my training revolved around keeping people alive. I never learned much about developing vaccines or medications before the outbreak and sure as hell didn’t have much of a chance to learn about it after.” 

“Fireflies are always on this shit,” he muttered. “Should just go back…” 

“So you’re ready to just give up on Tommy then?” Tess asked him, brows raised. “Because who gives a shit what the Fireflies believe or don’t believe, if they’re willing to give us what we need if we bring her across Boston then fuck it, let ‘em.” 

Joel looked between you and Ellie before he sighed.  

“She so much as twitches…” 

Ellie made a choking sound that made you whip your head around only to see her hand outstretched, head cocked, eyes rolled back, all exaggerated mocking. You glared at her until she stopped. 

“Alright, geez,” she put her hands up. “No one here wants to have any fun, got it…” 

You raised your eyebrows at her and she just mirrored your expression, almost a taunt. You resisted the urge to sigh. 

“We should rest,” Tess said. “Get underway first thing.” 

“I’ll keep watch,” Joel said, still looking uncertain as he went toward the front room. 

Tess just nodded before stretching out on the ground. You turned to Ellie.

“I’ll be right back,” you said. 

“But…” she frowned. 

“You’ll be OK,” you smiled a little, grabbing your bag and following Joel. 

He glanced up when you came in, already having settled on top of a box in the corner where he was well hidden from someone glancing inside the building but had a good view of the entry points. 

“Need to check your hand,” you said, nodding to his battered knuckles. 

“’S fine,” he muttered, looking away from you. 

“Joel,” you said quietly. “I know what you do to yourself when you beat someone to death. Let me take care of your hand.” 

He glared at you for a second before he sighed. 

“Fine.” 

You went and set your bag beside him before you knelt at his feet, tucking your flashlight between your cheek and your shoulder as you looked him over. His knuckles were bloody but he hadn’t broken through to the bone this time. You delicately traced the bones of hid hands, the structure of him below his skin and veins. You wrapped your smaller hands around his large one, lining your fingers up where you thought the damage might be worse. 

“Open and close your hand for me,” you said. He obeyed. You felt the fracture and nodded. 

“You’ve had worse,” you said, releasing his hand and going into the pack. “But if you’re about to head to wherever the hell it is Tommy ended up, you should probably start the trip in as close to one piece as possible.” 

You got out the medical kit, part of you uneasy about having to dip into your supplies so early. The Fireflies should have plenty of gear but it still bothered you, your stomach twisting. Like it was an omen. 

You used alcohol wipes on his cuts, followed by antibacterial ointment, looking his hand over one last time before getting out a wrap. You set the light down for this, able to do it fine by touch. 

“I wanted to apologize,” you said after working up the courage to do it. 

“For what,” he replied. Not really asking. 

“For what I said when Andrew got hurt,” you started wrapping his hand, trying not to think about the way you knew how it felt when he skimmed it over your skin, tracing your shape in the dark. “It wasn’t your fault, I know you wouldn’t have let something happen to him. He’s a grown man, he made his own choices. It’s just sometimes hard for me to remember that he’s not still the kid I picked up on my way to the QZ, that he doesn’t need me to protect him. I was just… I was so fucking scared and I took it out on you and that wasn’t fair.” 

He was quiet for a moment. 

“Did you mean it?” He asked. 

“No,” you said. You didn’t need to think about it. “At least, not all of it. Sometimes I wish you’d never called me that night. Seems like it would have been a lot easier for a lot of people if I’d never known what was going on. I would have just gone back into the house, Nan would have been there, that would have been the end of it. Simple.” 

You could feel him stiffen. 

“What about Andrew.” 

“He’s why it’s sometimes and not all the time,” you said absently, picking up the flashlight to check your work. It was oddly easy to be honest with Joel. He was just a habit you fell back into, for better or for worse. “Otherwise… no. I didn’t mean it.” 

You repacked your bag before standing up. 

“Anyway,” you shrugged. “Since I’ll probably never see you again after tomorrow I just… wanted you to know that. I’m going to go try to sleep while I can. I’m fucking exhausted, Fireflies don’t care much about rest, as it happens…” 

“Why’d you go to Marlene?” He asked. 

You frowned, tuning back to him. 

“What?” 

“Marlene,” he repeated. “Why’d you go to her. Tommy?” 

“I didn’t go to her,” your frown deepened. “I haven’t talked to Tommy in weeks and I trust Marlene about as much as I trust a snake oil salesman…” 

“How’d the Fireflies find you then?” He frowned, too. 

“Not sure,” you shrugged. “Ellie showed up at my door, I tried to take her to the clinic but we were intercepted. My guess is Marlene was following Ellie but I don’t know why. She knew about the bite and put a gun to my head…” 

“Literally?” Joel asked, on his feet, voice sharp. 

“Yeah,” you looked at him, confused. Why would he care? Why would he be surprised? “But it’s the Fireflies, that’s how they operate, isn’t it? She put me at gunpoint and leveraged Ellie to get us to go along with them…” 

“That…” he stood, tense for a moment before shaking his head and sitting down again. 

“In her defense, you did point a gun at me earlier today,” you said dryly. 

“Yeah and you knew I wasn’t going to fuckin’ use it,” he muttered. 

“Did I?” You asked. He just looked at you, face hard. You frowned. “Actually, speaking of Marlene… Earlier today, you blamed her for Tommy leaving.” 

He nodded once. 

“That’s not what you told me.” He just looked at you, as though staring you down would make you stop asking. “Joel, come on. We’ve been… whatever this is for, what, 24 years? After tomorrow, it’s over. Don’t lie to me now. What’s the point of it?” 

He looked at you for a moment before he sighed. 

“The explosion,” he said, his eyes still on you. “The one where you got hurt… I saw Tommy there. Confronted him. He helped set it, plan it. Told him he had two choices, he could either leave the fuckin’ Fireflies and turn them in or he could get the fuck away from you. Wasn’t about to let him get you killed for his stupid fuckin’ cause, knew he’d try to drag you down, too.” 

“Tommy…” you managed. Joel just nodded once, hardened look still on his face. Your stomach twisted. Part of you wanted to believe he was lying but you knew he wasn’t. You knew him too well, you couldn’t trick yourself into it. 

You just nodded once. 

“Should’ve told you,” he said, looking outside. “But you were friends… He didn’t have many of those, didn’t want to ruin it.” 

You tried to stop your hand from shaking. You swallowed the bile in your throat. 

“Since I doubt we’ll be alone together again,” you said, voice surprisingly steady even though it felt like someone had cracked open your chest and was reaching into your blood and your marrow to try to pull him out of you. It wasn’t working. It just hurt. “It’s been… good to know you. I hope you take care of yourself.” 

You didn’t wait for a response. Instead, you went to lie down on the ground near Ellie, relieved that both she and Tess seemed to be asleep so neither of them would hear you cry. 

*** 

Joel wished he could remember exactly when Boston became such a fucking shit show to maneuver through. He wasn’t sure now if it was a gradual decline - not that it had ever been an easy thing to do - or if, suddenly, the infected and the raiders became especially bad. 

Today, the issue was infected. 

There were swarms of them it seemed. The four of you had managed to stay off their radar so far but it would be a delicate balance getting you and the kid to the old statehouse without setting them off. 

He let Tess decide the route. He was too distracted, too busy thinking about your conversation with him the night before. 

He hadn’t expected an apology from you. He still wasn’t sure he deserved one, not after what he’d said and done to you over the last 15 years. Anyone watching him would have thought he was some kind of fucking sadist, that he enjoyed hurting you. The curse of you - of knowing you, loving you - was knowing exactly how to rip you open and get you to stay away from him. It took a lot to trigger your sense of self preservation. He’d finally pushed you there without intending to and he hadn’t expected you to ever forgive him for it, let alone apologize. 

And then you said you didn’t think you’d see him again and his blood went cold. It wasn’t that you hadn’t made that obvious before. You said you were leaving, that you didn’t think you were coming back to Boston. He’d understood that, superficially, but there was part of him that was so deeply in denial about what that meant he hadn’t even begun to piece it together. You would be gone. He would never hear your laugh or touch your skin or press his nose into your hair and breathe you in again. 

He knew then that he’d never really thought of things with you as over. Even as he tried to shove you as far away as he could manage, even as you railed against him, part of him held out hope that he’d find his way back to you. Once he was able to repair the broken parts of him, once he was capable of it, once he could convince you to forgive him, you would be there smelling like lavender and leaving your goddamn hair in his shower. 

That wouldn’t be possible if you were a country away. How was he supposed to just let you go a whole fucking country away?

He watched you in the morning, out of the corner of his eye. He watched you braid your hair again. You pulled ribbons out of your bag and tied them on the ends. You checked on the girl. You went into your bag and pulled out a blister pack of pills, handing them to her. 

“What’s this?” The girl frowned, turning the pack over in her fingers. 

“Birth control pills,” you replied, taking one from a blister pack of your own. “You should start taking them now. Make sure you do it daily and at the same time every day. It’s a good idea to keep them on your person so if you get separated from your stuff, you’ve still got them…” 

The girl looked at you, incredulous. 

“You think I’m looking for a fuckin’ boyfriend out here?” She held the pills back out to you. You looked down at them but you didn’t take them. 

“Look,” you glanced toward Tess and Joel and lowered your voice, Joel turning his head slightly so his good ear was closer to you. “I’ve been out here before. Sometimes it’s not up to you. I will do everything I can to keep you safe but if that happens, it’s a lot better if you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Trust me.” 

His stomach twisted. The girl’s face turned serious. She took the pill. 

You and Tess both tried to lighten things for her after that, the two of you answering whatever questions Ellie seemed to have, you sometimes teasing her.

“Be careful you gremlin,” you said as she walked along the edge of a crater left by a bomb. “I’m not climbing in after you.”

“Psh,” she scoffed. “Yes you would.”

You just smiled a little. You didn’t deny her.

He and Tess led the four of you up to plot a route, locating the swarm of infected in town. 

“Jesus,” you breathed. Tess glanced over at you. “Sorry, haven’t been out in a while I guess.”

“Keeps getting worse,” she said before looking to Ellie. “And they’re all connected. You step on one piece of fungus in one part of the city, the whole pack of ‘em are on you.” 

The girl swallowed hard. 

“This applies to you, too,” she said. “Infected don’t just bite. They can and will rip you to pieces if they have the chance. Immune or not.” 

“Should cut through the museum,” Joel said. “We can stay up high, keep it a straighter shot.” 

No one fought him on it and, at first, it seemed like the right call. The fungus leading inside the building was dried and dead. 

“That’s a good sign,” you said, looking at Joel. “Right?” 

Tess looked at him. They both got out their guns. You followed suit. 

“Ellie,” you said quickly. “In there, you do whatever they tell you the second they tell you…” 

“Oh come on,” she rolled her eyes. 

“I mean it,” you said. “It’s life or death shit, they know what they’re doing…” 

“We’re not going to let you get hurt if we can help it, kid,” Tess said. “But you need to listen to us.” 

“Well then can I have a gun?” She asked, turning back to you. “Because if it’s that dangerous…” 

All three adults spoke in unison. 

“No.” 

“Can’t be that bad then,” she muttered, tightening her grip on her flashlight. 

Joel and Tess shared a look. 

“Stay behind us,” Joel said, looking at you and the kid. “The both of you.” 

For a minute, Joel thought they might have gotten lucky. Everything pointed to the place being abandoned by infected. The tendrils of fungus had started to rot, there were no inhuman sounds. 

Then you spotted the body. 

You let out a small gasp and tucked your gun into the waistband of your jeans, rushing to check the man’s pulse. Joel didn’t need to wait for your look of disappointment, he knew the man was dead. 

“Maybe he came in here to get away from them,” Tess whispered quickly, looking from Joel to you. “This doesn’t mean…” 

“This doesn’t mean what?” Ellie asked when Tess didn’t finish her sentence. “Was that people or infected? Guys?” 

You got back up, pulling your gun back out and standing so close to the girl that you were pressed against her back. Your eyes were wide, looking at Joel. 

He tried to set aside his fear for a moment. The clawing, vicious thought of watching you die. The knowledge of what failure now would mean. 

“From here on out, we are silent,” he whispered. “Not quiet, silent.” 

Ellie opened her mouth to argue and you clamped a hand over her mouth while Joel put a finger to his lips. He mouthed the word ‘silent’ at the girl and she nodded against your hand. 

Joel and Tess took the lead, moving slowly, silently. Ellie was in the middle and you brought up the rear. 

The clicking began when you were in one of the gallery rooms. Joel put his arm out, directing the three of you back into a nook around a display, hopefully enough to protect from the clicker’s version of vision. 

You had an arm across the girl but she was still leaning around Tess, trying to see, her eyes wide. Joel was reminded, for half a moment, of Sarah. 

Not of the violence of her death. Not even of anything sorrowful. Just of her, him and you at a museum. It had been busy that day, it was hard to get to the signs on the displays to properly read them. She kept leaning around people, trying find new vantage points, eyes wide and desperately curious. That yearning to understand why, to know things.

‘Blind,’ he mouthed at the girl, gesturing to his eyes. She nodded, leaning back into you. 

A clicker passed the door. Joel gestured quickly, sending Tess one way and you and the girl another. If one of you made a sound, at least it wouldn’t lead them to everyone. 

He kept watching you. You kept Ellie close, the gun in your hand. He could tell you were trying to force yourself not to panic, could see you counting your breaths. 

The clicking came into the room. Your eyes met his. There was desperation there but an almost quiet acceptance. As though you understood that your life was over but wanted to press on anyway. 

Joel used his flashlight to point to where to go next, guiding the four of you through the maze of exhibitions and beyond the infected. He went first, moving carefully, 

Not carefully enough. 

He felt it half a second before he heard it, the crunch of glass below his feet. 

His eyes instinctively looked to you. Your eyes had somehow gotten wider. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen you look quite so terrified. 

The clicker shrieked and knocked him prone and before he got a chance to press his weapon to its chest to fire, the sound of a gunshot split the air, blood spilling onto him. The infected on top of him shrieked and ran for you. He watched it happen almost in slow motion. The clicker moving for you, you trying to fire the gun and nothing happening, the trigger not moving. 

Your gun had jammed. 

You threw the girl away from you. 

Your eyes met his again for a split second before the clicker was on top of you, a soft yelp coming from you as you tried to hold it back. Ellie jumped on the infected, trying to hold it back from you, blocking any hope Joel had for a shot at it. 

Joel scrambled to reach you but Tess beat him to it, tackling the clicker, the three of you tangled together with the infected until he heard the clicker shriek a last, gasping shriek before falling silent, Tess’ knife in its throat. 

Two more scrambled into the room and Joel was ready for them this time, not worrying about keeping quiet. They’d been loud enough that anything in the building was already on its way there if they weren’t there already. 

It only took three shots each to fell the other two. 

The room was almost eerily quiet then. He looked to the three of you. 

“Everyone OK?” He asked, breathless. 

You shakily lifted a sleeve, testing your arm before you nodded. 

“Twisted ankle,” Tess said. “Had worse.” 

“Well shit,” Ellie muttered. He looked to her as she examined a shallow bite on her forearm. You rushed her, taking her arm in your hands as you looked her over. “It’s fine. If it had to happen to one of us…” 

You sighed. 

“Should have stayed out of that one, Gremlin,” you brushed her hair back before you looked to Tess. “When we’re in the light I can splint your ankle.” 

“Then let’s get the fuck out of here,” Tess said, limping toward the exit. 

The second all of you were outside, Joel shut the window tight and you dropped your bag down, Tess sitting down and stretching her leg out. 

“Keep going with her,” you said, getting out your medical supplies. “Rather you put some distance between her and this fucking place. We won’t be long.” 

Joel ground his teeth, not liking the idea of leaving you here. 

“Joel,” Tess said, imploring him. 

“C’mon kid,” he jerked his head toward the wood board between buildings. He pulled a scrap of fabric from his pocket and handed it to her. “Cover that, before Doc gets a chance to work on you.” 

“Thanks,” she said, looking across the board. 

“I know it’s high and looks bad…” he tried to remember how to sound reassuring. How he used to talk to… 

“Not bad,” she said, climbing on top of the plank and plowing across. Joel looked over his shoulder at you wrapping Tess’s ankle. He followed the girl. 

“So where are you going when you get the car?” She asked, her hands looped through her backpack straps. 

“None of your business,” he muttered. 

“Fine, damn,” she rolled her eyes before lowering her voice. “Long as it’s not with me and Doc…” 

“What’d you say?” He snapped. 

“Nothing,” she glared at him. 

“Sounded like somethin’.” 

“Just something that goes along with what Doc said about you earlier,” she walked ahead of him. He paused before trying to catch up with her. 

“What’d she say?” He asked. 

“That you’re an asshole,” she looked up at him, smirking. “But in a mostly harmless way.” 

He glanced back in your direction again. 

“Yeah, I don’t want to know anything about whatever that is,” she muttered. 

Joel didn’t ask what she meant by it. 

He was relieved when you and Tess caught up with them before they reached the statehouse. 

“Which of us do you think they’re least likely to shoot?” Tess muttered as the group got closer. 

“I don’t think they’ve got a reason to hate me quite yet,” you sighed. “I can do the talking at least to start. Then you can make your demands and we can be done.” 

He looked at you on instinct at the last part. 

He still wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He needed to find Tommy. Needed to make sure he was OK, that he stayed safe. He needed to protect you and know that you were safe. He needed for this to not be the last time he saw you. 

What if he forgot what you looked like? He’d left the photo he had of you in the QZ. It was the only one he had, what if he didn’t go back and you faded? Even if he made it back, that photo was black and white. What if he forgot the precise shade of your eyes? 

“Something’s wrong,” Tess frowned, running up to the truck outside the statehouse. 

“Tess,” Joel followed her quickly. 

She pulled the doors open, ducked below the truck, tore open the back. The gas tank on the truck had been shot out. 

“Where the fuck are they?” She looked to you, to the girl. You just stood there. “Where the fuck are they, Doc!” 

“Inside,” Ellie pointed to a trail of blood going up the stairs. “I think they’re inside.” 

You took the stairs two at a time and Joel ran to keep up with you. 

By the time he caught you, you were inside, down on your knee at the body closest to the door, checking for a pulse. 

“Shit,” Tess said, coming in behind him with the girl in tow. 

“He’s cold,” you said quietly. “This happened at least half a day ago, maybe longer. They may have been dead before we even left the QZ.” 

“Fuck!” Tess yelled. Joel frowned, following after her. 

“Tess,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm. 

“There must be a map or a radio or some kind of fucking plan somewhere besides one of these idiots’ heads,” she ripped papers off a table, looking for something. 

“What happened?” Ellie asked, looking up at Joel. 

He took a cursory glance. 

“Some of them got infected,” he nodded to one. “Ended up fighting the ones who weren’t. All killed each other.” 

“Fuck,” Ellie muttered. You came up behind her. 

“Doc,” Tess went to you, her eyes wide and desperate. “Marlene had to tell you something, where was she sending you…” 

“I don’t know,” you said quietly. “West, that’s all she said….” 

“Tommy?” She asked. You were quiet. “Come on, the man you were fucking didn’t tell you where the fuck he was going?” 

“Just west,” you shook your head. “We can try to go to where we last heard from him, it can’t be that far from there, see if anyone knows anything…” 

“Let’s just go home,” Joel said, an odd haze of relief passing through him at the idea. This was simple. Go home. With you. Neither of you would be across the country. He wouldn’t need to rely on his memory to keep you close, it would all be OK. 

“No,” Tess shook her head, storming to another pile of supplies in the corner. “No, we have to do this…” 

“Tess,” he said again. 

“I’m not going back there!” She yelled, panting for breath, her hands shaking, papers clutched tight. “Even if I fucking could I wouldn’t want to, I’m so fucking tired of pretending like that’s a life in there, Joel! Aren’t you?” 

“What do you mean even if you could?” He asked quietly. 

She shook her head, smiling darkly. His stomach sank. 

“It was bound to happen eventually,” she said. “The shit we do.” 

She pulled her shirt to the side, exposing her neck. The bite there was vicious, the tendrils of cordyceps already stretching and reaching up toward her brain. Joel stepped back on instinct. She laughed once. 

“Tess…” you breathed, going for her, but she held up her hand, keeping you back. 

“You have to get them there, Joel,” she said, releasing the shirt. 

“No,” he shook his head. 

“Yes,” she said. “Yes you do. They’re sitting ducks without you. Get them to Bill and Frank. They already know Doc, they’ll take them, they can figure it out from there…” 

“Tess,” he said again, his voice cracking. 

“I haven’t asked you for much Joel but I’m asking you for this,” she said. She looked to Ellie. “Show him your arm.” 

The girl looked to you for a second before obeying. Her wound was different from Tess’, less angry. As though she’d gotten a cut on the playground, not been attacked by an inhuman monster. 

“She’s real,” Tess said. “She’s real and Doc can help do something with her and you can help make this world something worth fucking living in again, Joel. Get them there.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Joel saw something slinking across the floor. Strands of fungus, connecting to others. He looked back to Tess. She saw it too. 

He ran for the door and threw it open, a swarm of infected on the horizon. He closed it again.

“How many?” Tess asked. 

“All of ‘em,” he said. “Fuckin’ all of ‘em we’ve got a minute at best.” 

You were going for your bag. 

“I’ve got a euth kit,” your voice was wet. “I can administer it and you can go upstairs. Stay out of sight, it’ll only take a few minutes, it’ll be peaceful and easy…” 

Tess ignored you. She shoved a barrel of gasoline on its side. 

“What the fuck?” Ellie backed away from her, watching the fuel spill at her feet. 

“Won’t need the kit, Doc,” she said, going to the next barrel and knocking it over, too. “If I’m going down, I’m taking them down, too…” 

Joel swallowed back bile. Tess, why did it have to be Tess? The one fucking constant thing in his life for the past 15 years, the person who came the closest to accepting him for what he’d become without asking why. She had become family, the only person now who knew what he was and he’d failed her, too….

“Joel!” She yelled at him, snapping him out of his own mind. “You have to do this. You can do this. Save who you can save.” 

He looked at her for a moment, let himself recognize what he was about to lose, before he turned and all but ran for you and the girl. 

“NO!” Ellie shrieked as he grabbed her. “We can’t just leave her! We can’t just let her die like that!” 

He looked over his shoulder to make sure you were following as he dragged the kicking, screaming girl. You were walking backwards, looking at Tess as she looked back at you, something unspoken passing between you, like a secret you both held. 

At the last moment you turned and grabbed Ellie’s hand, pulling her along with Joel, running to put as much distance between yourselves and the building as you could. 

When the explosion shook the earth, you stopped with him, both of you looking back as the building burned, the screams of infected on the air. 

A/N: And so four becomes three and our core group are heading on their adventure. Gonna be some ANGST next chapter!

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Thank you for reading and being patient with me posting this soooo much later than I wanted to. I so appreciate you all and hope you're still having fun reading this piece! Love you!

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[dreamlandiasims]

previous | next

Erwin: Back in the 70s, Strangerville was a military base and research facility. Well, it was a town before that, too, but the government presence really made it what it is today. The story is they got a report one day of some strange plant growing here and the feds rolled into to check it out. Turns out, the plant was alien in nature. The military did their best to cover it up, but it caught the attention of some of the early ufologists, namely the Curious brothers. Long story short, the military lost control of the situation, the plant-alien threatened to take over the town, and the ufologists had to dispose of it.

Frankie: There’s no way a single word of that is true.

Erwin: Yeah, well, that’s what a lot of people said to the Curious brothers. The government sealed the case up tight, and without any proof, no one believed them. Anyways, the town was pretty quiet after that. Officially, the military operation here was done. But in reality, they had worked out an under-the-table deal with some private organization, which bought the lab and took over research there.

Frankie: I met someone at the lab who said he owned it—well, paid for it at least. Ted Roswell?

Erwin: Ah, the Roswells. So this organization that bought the lab, it’s called Agnos. I don’t know much about it—there’s, like, nothing online—but it seems to involve the leaders and wealthy elite of cities all over the country. I’m talking Del Sol Valley, San Myshuno, Willow Creek… I don’t think the Roswells are really involved at the highest level. But they have the money to keep the lab in operation, so they’re given just enough power and influence to stay loyal.

Frankie: Wait… so how does BioSim Tech come into all of this?

Erwin: Well, now that’s the next piece of the puzzle. BioSim Tech is a real, legit company—but it’s owned by Agnos. They seem to dabble in a lot of different industries, but “bio engineering” is their main focus. On paper, the company is dedicated to “developing cutting edge solutions towards a brighter future for Sims everywhere”.

Frankie: Okay, sure.

Erwin: So it seems like they’re working on cures for disease, operations to increase longevity, things like that. But—and this part is just my theory, by the way—I think it’s all a front. I think what they’re really interested in is Strangerville’s connection to the extraterrestrial.

Frankie: Here we go…

Erwin: See, the alien plant… no one knows how it got here. It just appeared one day. Now, one of the leading theories among ufologists is that there are certain places in the world—places where there’s a higher frequency of abduction stories, UFO sightings, what have you—and that this means that the fabric, the material, separating our world from others is thinner, or more fragile. And so, periodically there are events that may cause a small tear—

Frankie: Aaaand you’ve lost me. How does any of this help me find my mom?

Erwin: I’m getting to that, if you’ll just listen…

Frankie: I’m trying! Could you get there a little faster maybe?

Erwin: Fine. Forget my theories, here’s what I know. A few years ago a new team of scientists showed up, some sort of changing of the guard. Still part of BioSim Tech, but… different somehow. More secretive, more controlling. And things have been weird here ever since. Technology going haywire, people losing their memories, and… well… people coming to town and never leaving.

Frankie: Wait, what?

Erwin: It’s not every person that drives through. But every now and then, they’ll decide to stick around—sometimes they’re tourists, sometimes… they have car trouble. And within a few days, they’ve disappeared. No one sees them leave, but we all just assume they skipped town. You know… helps us sleep at night.

Frankie: And you didn’t think to tell me this sooner?

Erwin: Look, I’m sorry. Like I said, it’s not every person that comes through. I didn’t want to scare you unnecessarily. Also… they scare the shit out of me. Agnos seems to have eyes and ears everywhere. People that go out of their way to warn others… also disappear.

Frankie: … What are they doing with the people they take?

Erwin: That… I don’t know.

Frankie: Then let’s find out.

Erwin: I, erm, what?

Frankie: You and me, Merlin. We’re getting into that lab.

[milli-string]

This is just a fun convo I had a long time ago. I had a close friend, and we debated what would P's life go after the Rise of P ending.

My thoughts were, after reviving Sophia, P had the potential of following Geppetto's footsteps (in a good way):

- building puppets

- probably some kind of ambassador for his kind (despite the condition of Krat, but you know what I mean)

- he can adjust his own legion arms later down the game so he has the potential to be a mechanic or engineer himself if he wanted to (may probably be necessary in some part because, well, he's immortal. He won't be having the npcs in the hotel for very long as he will outlive them all, sadly)

There's more to it, but for now, my mind spins.

Mostly because the Rise of P ending isn't really the canonical "happily ever after" like in the original story (i know the game doesn't have a canon ending yet). It is P's happily ever after becoming human emotionally and mentally, but not a "real boy" in a physical sense. The Real Boy ending would be the closest to the canon, but in a twisted way (which is absolutely genius on their part because hell yeah, dark and twisted!). I'm also aware that "Carlo" isn't quite human himself, but rather an obedient "good boy" image Geppetto wanted him to be: to kill and to listen to him at all times. (In this case, Geppetto really lost his sanity to achieve his "happy family.")

But anyway, P carrying Geppetto's legacy in his skills would be a really cool idea. I vision Pinocchio being a "father figure" of some kind to the next generation of puppets with awakened ergo; becoming someone Geppetto couldn't. The ergo he collects, he gives it away to a new body. Of course, this would take time for P to really grow his personality from being a puppet with human emotions to a fully mature person. Technically, he's still learning human emotions even after achieving the endings.

My friend's thoughts were P not going into Geppetto's footsteps, and instead he becomes an artist.

RoP Pinocchio is an expressive puppet, being able to feel and understand human emotions as he reached max humanity points. It reminded me how the artists in the fandom drew P as an artist and a musician mixed together. The more I saw it, the more I found it truly fitting for him. This separates P from Carlo and Geppetto entirely, proving that he grew his own personality and identity. (Of course, we don't know what Carlo is into but many people believe he possibly wanted to go into engineering as well, but chose the Stalker life to despise his dad).

It wouldn't make sense for P to follow Geppetto's footsteps due to P being built to literally kill puppets. Why would P care for his kind?

That's true. Why would he? But also, then again, he's still growing. I believe P hasn't fully developed yet, but only grasped the idea of being human, but not at the mature level yet, if that makes sense.

I'll have more stuff to talk about it in the future, but what do you guys think? Curious to hear your perspectives on post-Rise of P ending 🌼

[batsplat]

Tysm for your deep dives into MotoGP I LOVE your posts no matter how long or short, you have such a keen eye and pen for weaving history with narrative and the psychological patterns of the sport. 

I was hoping to hear your take on the decline of the Japanese manufacturers in MotoGP. I’ve only been into the sport since the end of 2023 so still super new!! And I’ve learned so much from ur blog 🙏🏽

Ive been seeing some takes on here about how a lot of prominent MotoGP podcasts present the decline of Yamaha and Honda as a result of the Japanese “culture”. Idk if you’re an avid podcaster so basically there’s this narrative of the Japanese as an isolationist developer which refuses to bring in/poach European engineers and copy off Ducati bc of national pride + historical dominance . Also that they’re too risk adverse and slow to develop and test new parts on the bike.

I Totally agree with the tumblrinas that this  seems very one-note (and racist) analysis to say a “cultural difference” is the ONLY thing influencing the Japanese teams decline over the last decade. Would you know/could guess of any other factors that could’ve led to this decline in performance? Sorry for the long ask <3

never apologise for a long ask, and that's very kind!!

I haven't seen the tumblr takes but I do listen to the podcasts - and yup, some of the discussions of the japanese manufacturers make me pretty uncomfortable. on a semi-related note, sometimes feels like motogp for an individual sport is oddly preoccupied with questions of national character and broad strokes generalisations of entire countries/linguistic groupings/continents? idk, I can't articulate it well, but I do think it's a thing... in any case, the cultural essentialism when it is directed at japan often threatens to take on quite a condescending, patronising tone. essentially propagating a narrative that the wise europeans need to go over to japan to teach them their ways etc etc... it's really not great

now, the problem we're faced with here is that like a lot of people, I get most of my motogp news from the guys who are also doing the podcasts. which means that I am inevitably pretty reliant on them in forming my own opinions on this sport - like,, I'm not going to know all these other factors for the current struggles of the japanese manufacturers if they don't tell me about them. that being said, sometimes it's an issue of framing more than it is of the actual content of the reporting. to the best of my knowledge, it does seem true that japanese manufacturers have stagnated in part because they haven't hired widely enough, including probably from the europeans. this isn't because europeans are inherently better at designing bikes - the japanese manufacturers did dominate the sport for decades, after all - but that's just how things go sometimes... centres of knowledge shift, it's easy to fall behind. right now, for the current formula of the sport, getting yourself dall'igna or a dall'igna protege seems like the way to go. it's not some uniquely japanese national pride or intransigence that has made them so sluggish in embracing the new era... it's mostly just human nature that you're going to be resistant to change if your way has been the right way for a long time, right

worth pointing out that plenty of manufacturers can be arrogant about this kind of thing, including the italians. look at ducati's complacency after winning the 2007 title that sent them on a bit of a downward spiral until around 2014 - not helped by how they didn't rate their star rider and only had a wake up call when they gave their national idol an unrideable trash can for two years. which brings us to another reason for why the japanese manufacturers are doing so badly: the margins being so small nowadays. like, in absolute terms, honda/yamaha aren't dramatically further away from ducati than ducati was to honda/yamaha in circa 2012, but everything is just a lot closer now and you've got a million ducatis plus an assortment of aprilias and ktms to reliably slot into that gap. doesn't help!! so suddenly you're finishing p14 rather than p7 in the championship... a related factor is how strong satellite teams are nowadays; in the alien era, riders not on a factory bike were generally at way more of a disadvantage than they are now. that era specifically also featured quite a 'weak' grid for various reasons related to the impact of the financial crisis, teams lacking resources and dorna making up the numbers with crt bikes, etc... the point is that while on paper ducati's wilderness years look considerably less catastrophic than what's happening now, the strength of the current grid has made honda/yamaha's situation look even worse than it otherwise would. what's happened to the two traditional powerhouses in the series is pretty unprecedented, but not entirely so

that being said, obviously honda and yamaha are in serious trouble - and have been for a while now. you can kinda get into the weeds with both of them about how their competitive situations have developed... honda's overreliance on marc, for instance, their willingness to build a bike nobody else could ride - or how yamaha traditionally treated their satellite teams as customers rather than partners, plus how they never really managed to respond to long-standing rider concerns about the bike that went all the way back to when they had valentino/jorge on their team. (yamaha being chronically underpowered is something that does actually crop up in the mid noughties and never quite went away - there's something kinda fascinating about how motogp bikes in some respects seem to have quite an immutable character.) I wrote a short 'how did we get here' post for honda specifically - and as mentioned in that post, setting aside fabio's 2021 title, the decline for yamaha basically started when the switch to michelins and ecu happened in 2016. on the flip side, you can also focus on the ducati side of the equation and figure out how they've gotten so good, from how they've pushed the sport on in their technical developments with the wings and infernal ride height devices and all of that... how aprilia and ktm have been more willing to just straight up copy them, while the established powerhouses have been more reluctant to change their ways. you can point to how the pandemic (plus the war in ukraine) impacted different manufacturers to differing extents - including of course in making the third japanese manufacturer leave the grid entirely

which is all well and good, but it would still be interesting to get a bit more insight into why it's the japanese manufacturers specifically that have been flagging so badly. it feels like there's a pretty obvious next step here - get some takes from japanese people themselves. this does feel like something english language reporting on motogp in general is woefully short on given how big a role japan plays in the sport... journalists seem far more likely to discuss what has been reported in italian or spanish or german or whatever sources than drawing from japanese publications. which feels like a problem!! I have a twitter list with a few japanese accounts that talk about motogp, and I've tried to poke about to figure out some answers to this issue before. one bloke who seems to be quite well-respected and established in the paddock is akira nishimura, who writes for this japanese site and also occasionally publishes columns in the japanese version of motorsport dot com. now, I'm aware that getting one japanese perspective and drawing conclusions solely on the basis of that isn't ideal, but I reckon getting one japanese perspective is still better than getting none at all. so let's get some of his thoughts!

firstly, here is an article about the transfer of 'brainpower' between suzuki and honda after suzuki left the sport. I thought this was really interesting in terms of discussing some of the structural factors at play here that can help explain why there haven't been more outside hires:

isn't this helpful? cut out all the essentialising bullshit, and here we have some actually useful context. even namechecks the dall'igna move from aprilia to ducati as something that wouldn't really happen with japanese manufacturers - and yes, that does feel like it would be a problem if it means you're trying to figure out this aero business with no outside help. also helps contextualise how the big name hires made by yamaha and very recently honda are pretty significant, given how relatively unprecedented they are. and here is another article about how japanese companies are structured, in the context of poorly timed reshuffles at honda. again, it's not about the japanese needing to be 'shown the way' or some such crap... it's just that right now, the people best equipped to figure out the current formula of bikes are probably being employed by some european manufacturer or other and you probably want to get them on board. you hire their guys and copy their tricks, tale as old as time

then there's this column from last year about ducati's current dominance, which is useful in both giving us some insight about what some of the japanese discourse looks like as well as in providing explanations for the current malaise

that's really the main takeaway, isn't it - it's all part of the competitive cycle. sometimes it's european manufacturers who have had the upper hand, sometimes it's the japanese ones. there'll always be some competitive paranoia and mudslinging going on, as well as heavy criticism of those who are currently losing out - and at times people will get pretty racist about it. also makes sense that a more closed-off approach to knowledge sharing would help you when you're the ones currently winning, right, whereas it'd hurt you when you need to have some knowledge shared with you... ducati is doing really well because they happened to crack the code for how to build the best bikes for this current era in motogp, and the japanese manufacturers probably should have been faster in copying them. that's how it goes sometimes

also - while I haven't differentiated between english language reporters in this post, it is worth pointing out that the bloke I've been citing has been published on the motomatters website and was on an episode of the paddock pass podcast when news first broke of suzuki's withdrawal back in 2022. that one's obviously primarily just focused on suzuki - but it's still interesting, not least because suzuki was at least doing better than honda when they withdrew from the sport. the episode also discusses some historical context surrounding the last time the sport was in crisis in the late noughties with the financial crisis and kawasaki's withdrawal. then there's a thursday paddock notes episode from motegi last year, which included this exchange:

Q: Akira, is it enough to change personnel in Japan, or do you think there also needs to be some harder implementation of a program in Europe? I mean, we see Cal Crutchlow is doing a wildcard appearance this weekend for Yamaha, he was talking a little bit about Yamaha's processes and it does seem that there needs to be kind of a harder effort on both sides of the world for the Japanese to make some big strides quickly. Nishimura: I think only changing personnel doesn't change anything. Probably they will - it's my personal impression but probably they have changed their engineering philosophy, or their organisational structure itself. And [I would say] changing, or fixing. [...] Even if they bring some more from Europe to Japan, that guy cannot work how they want to. So the problem is down to structure itself or their management in engineering.

look. it's a complicated topic and we're not going to get into all the nuances in one tumblr post. obviously you'd want to get a bunch more sources than this from inside japan to get a better sense of what's going on. I am not an expert on the japanese labour market and kind of just have to take this reporting at face value, which isn't ideal. but let's just finish this post off with a list of plausible-ish-sounding reasons for why the japanese manufacturers been struggling so badly (x, x, x):

smaller margins between bikes, more competitive european manufacturers, and the strength of satellite teams exaggerating how far behind honda/yamaha have fallen

ducati bringing in dall'igna, the subsequent aero revolution, and the fact that the other european manufacturers have been more willing to copy ducati than the japanese manufacturers have been

japanese manufacturers being less willing to employ outside hires in their important roles, limiting the extent to which they can make use of ideas already developed elsewhere

a more sluggish development rate, leading to a bike that isn't changing fast enough to deal with the scale of the problem they're facing

somewhat nebulously characterised differences between european and japanese manufacturers, criticising the working process of the latter - in particular their conservatism in making changes to the bikes

the delayed impact of cost cutting measures implemented after the 2008 financial crisis, which has forced manufacturers to rethink their approach to testing. having to operate from both a japanese and european base - in particular in the context of the pandemic - has hindered the japanese manufacturers

a more substantial language barrier between test riders and engineers than in european manufacturers - paired with a conservatism in not letting enough race weekend testing happen. there has been a post-dall'igna cultural shift away from that conservatism in european manufacturers that has helped them progress faster

ducati making better use of their satellite teams, partly by running more bikes and partly just by treating them better (cf yamaha scaring off their satellite teams)

so yeah, I agree with the distaste for some of the english language reporting on this issue - though my issue primarily isn't with the actual content of the reporting as much as it is with how it's being framed, how the problem is being diagnosed. you can say that the current approach to testing probably isn't ideal and also that they need to be poaching more brainpower without talking about how all this reflects the japanese national character or whatever. just... dial down the condescension, guys. and maybe tell us what japanese sources themselves are saying now and again

[leoslosttoolbelt]

What I think the demigods would major as and why

these are personal head canons dont take them too seriously :)

Percy: Education. I know that we usually hc as a Marin biology kinda guy but I genuinely think that he wouldn't be too fond of the workload but instead want to work towards being a teacher and being the kind of teacher he needed as a kid, y'know? Alternatively, I can see him being into something like baking and pastry art to take over Sally's shop.

Annabeth: Architecture. I really don't think I need to explain this one to y'all but yeah she's an architecture girly. But if we want to branch out I can also see her studying law and working in the area of Child Protection.

Leo: Astrophysics. I have this head canon of him panicking because of the sheer amount of choices that he's presented with and choosing the first one of the alphabetical list. Lucky for him, he's insanely good at it AND it'll pay well in the future. He minors in mechanical engineering and realises that although he has all the practical knowledge because of his father, his theoretical knowledge isn't as strong lol.

Piper: Food Science. I'm trying to be unique here because yeah, she could do environmental studies but I also think it would be super cool to see her learning about food and developing new vegetarian versions of food because it's something she's visibly passionate about in the books.

Nico: I can see him getting a history / philosophy related degree for his bachelors just for him to get a  doctor of philosophy (Ph. D.) in mythology or folklore. His hyperfixation runs deep and he sure as hell is going to fuel it as much as he can.

Jason: Doesn't go to college!! Is severely burnt out <3. No but like idk man I think he'd legitimately want to take it chill if that makes sense? Maybe he'd do a business major just so that he can get a job somewhere but I can't think of somewhere he'd fit in nicely. Jason does have a lot of part time jobs though!!

Frank: Nurse! Nursing school! Despite being the son of Mars I can see him being in the medical field because he wants to help people in need. It's a long journey with lots of ups and downs but finally getting his degree makes it all worth it.

Hazel: Geology because rocks. And also women in STEM!! This one directly correlates to her powers in the books as well as both of her parents! On the other hand, I can see definitely see Hazel studying in the field of archeology with the goal of being an archeologist and then eventually a museum curator :)

Reyna: Psychology!! Listen, I know this seems out of the blue but Reyna gives me the right vibes. Everyone is skeptical at first because they don't think she'd fit the mold of a clinical psychologist but that's okay because Reyna wants to further herself in research! She studies Neuropsychology and becomes a prominent researcher in her field! Please tell me you see the vision.

Will: From what I can see in the books, Emergency Medical Services degree seems like the right field for him. He's already basically a paramedic at Camp Half Blood so he knows it's naturally the right step for him. On the other hand, for something a little different - he seems like the kind of guy who might be interested in studying cinematography or art history maybe.

Travis: He studies Economics because he's so fucking convinced that he can become the next Elon Musk if he studies this. Alternatively, he studies music because he wants to travel the world and like sing with the wind and all that shit.

Connor: he's a communications major because he's a really popular youtube and technically doesn't really need to go to college but oh well he can study communications.

Drew: She goes to cosmetology school as the first step to start her own makeup and skincare empire. She's super nice to all of her clients and helps out all of the other students when they're having trouble with something! I will not tolerate any Drew slander let my girl breathe.

Pollux: Chemical Engineering. He got influenced by watching breaking bad and somehow landed himself a degree in chemical engineering. He doesn't know how he survived that degree but it doesn't matter because he decides to not give a fuck and open a coffee shop that becomes really popular because all the drinks are to die for.

Thalia: I don't really know the right terminology but she has an art related degree / tattoo apprentice so that she can work as a tattoo artist!! It fits with the thalis vision and also she is the eldest daughter who loses it lowkey so she doesn't follow your usual education route. Tattoo artist Thalia for the win!!

[buds-and-baubles]

hey! I'm wondering if there's a comic you'd recommend to start with on Apollo and Midnighter? I'm reading Superman and the Authority right now, and I can't remember if you said that one did a good job with them or not lol, but I like the characters and I'd like to read something quality. 😊

heya, thanks for sending the ask! i actually needed to take a second to skim through the superman and the authority story to answer this because i had some thoughts about it but hadn't fully read through.

so... in terms of only looking at apollo and midnighter it wasn't in my opinion good. the implications of that midnighter would cheat on him and if he did he would brush apollo off, apollo's lack of speaking up regarding use of force and preferred no-kill policy, and other points that i gotta explain a bit more.

i do not think apollo would be like 'oh my god i was a fan of you'. would he still admire clark's work as superman and find him great? yeah but in the context that apollo always compares himself with a scrutinizing gaze. despite the fact that apollo isn't a bad guy, he always measures people like engineer, swift, and heroes with a lens that he needs to shape up. that they'll never fall to corruption. not really from a fanboy sense but a.. sense of understanding?

he wouldn't be quiet regarding the policy i mentioned. while apollo doesn't enjoy killing, he does it if he finds it absolutely necessary. unless he's super pissed off, he makes it quick and even then a lot of the time he's merciful.

comparatively of what i know about superman, their primary difference is whether they do or do not kill. apollo's got some snark to him and he's very obviously gay, but those are the differences. they're both intelligent sun-powered supers who fight to make the world a better place and their biggest problem besides their few weaknesses is their human-like nature and emotions.

as for midnighter cheating? hahahaa that's a nope. i'd argue that midnighter functioning without apollo for long periods of time is difficult. you leave him alone too long and he'll succumb to listening only to his computer brain, not cheating. a man who has everyone in the crosshairs but apollo wouldn't do something like that.

the premise of the story is for the most part is interesting. i love to see more queer superheroes out there and challenging harmful rhetoric, but morrison didn't really get apollo and midnighter.

that's even outside of them having the civilian names of lucas trent and andrew pulaski. what made the original apollo and midnighter unique is that they didn't have that or a secret identity. also, chopping off apollo's glorious long hair.

as for a reading list to know about them, here's one i've been using!

want to warn in advance that wildstorm is like 90's dc cranked up to an 11 and is marked as mature accordingly.

apollo and midnighter's introduction is in stormwatch vol 2 (1999) issues #4-6. they make appearances a tad bit later on but it's brief confusing time shit. then i'd go with the authority vol 1 (1999-2002) issues #1-12 which are where you really see them shine *badum ts*

the rest of the reading list will take you from there! i'm fairly certain these lists include of the comics that you should tread carefully on the ones that people say to disregard/avoid but if you like to suffer like me, you'll read them to know why people say it was bad.

sorry it's kinda a wall, i had some definite thoughts about superman and the authority which if i had to guess.. also ties into the follow-up warworld thing with them.

i'm just a little tired of apollo being delegated as only m's significant other who doesn't say much, is fridged for the sake of his partner's development, left behind to focus on him doing activities that force him into a nuclear family dynamic, you name it.

think of it as if in they made every appearance of clark into an accessory to a relationship because he was out about his sexuality and forced into a role of there's nothing outside of his relationship and he's the one to stay home to cook, clean, etc. people would be pissed, right? but those who know and care about apollo are significantly smaller than superman sadly so it's questioned less.

thanks for your ask <3

hope you enjoy reading about the world's finest couple, the team they were on, and their precious and precocious daughter jenny quantum.