#so i still live with my family
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ouhhh the time loop......
#so i still live with my family#both parents work full time#and have to leave before the youngest two kids get on the bus#so i get up in the morning to make sure they finish breakfast put on shoes remember backpacks etc and get on the bus#and then i also wait at the bus stop for the 8 year old to get home in the afternoon#and then sit with him til our parents are home#and all this is totally cool! my siblings are super chill!#except getting up at 7am every day feels like actual torture#especially because half the time im way too tired to do anything and go back to sleep til like 2:30#at which point i inhale a granola bar or cereal and wait around til my brother's bus comes#and THEN i do nothing until dinner (shoutout to my mom for all the banger meals)#AND THEN. i do nothing until i realize ive been doing nothing and then finally go to bed at like 1:30am#because i need sleep but i wont get ENOUGH sleep. so when i get up at 7am i will be exhausted#and go right back to bed once my siblings are off to school.#and that is why it's the timeloop#ive barely been able to do anything creative for the past week because of it#i probably feel extra messed up because my older brother and my niece stayed over last night#meaning my morning was unnecessarily chaotic as my niece is. 7?#so i was kinda overwhelmed#idk maybe tomorrow ill try to actually do something to break the time loop#maybe ill make my coffee different. ill use a scoop of ice cream and caramel syrup instead of cream and sugar#im procrastinating going to bed if you couldnt tell. ive been sitting here writing tags for 15 minutes#suggestions for how to make it feel less like im trapped in a time loop are welcome#dont suggest talking to friends. i have one friend and they are also in timeloop hell
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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#art#fat positivity#body positivity#positivity#birblr#canary#doodle#Sorry I'm a bit all over the place at the moment guys#Had to spend time with my partner's fatphobic family#And I know I'm a thin guy so I am not like directly hurt by the things they believe#But it still was just an awful experience and I'm still kinda feeling that#And it infuriates me that me standing up for what's right is always framed as me being a delicate sensitive anorexic#You should treat fat people nice because they are people and deserve basic decency#I am not being overly sensitive by not wanting to hear your fatphobic crap#You're just not nice people#/rant over#Sorry for my little outburst guys! I am usually an easy going guy#I just get really riled up about this stuff#Fat people are wonderful and it is such a blessing to live in a world with such a huge range of different bodies!
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Reverse trope
where instead of the Bats forgetting that they’re adopted (something actual adoptees do on occasion and is hilarious) they forget that some of them *cough Damian cough* aren’t
_______
Jason in the heat of a probably ridiculous argument: Yeah well YOU’RE adopted!
Tim just as invested in said argument: So are YOU! We all are!
Damian who had previously been quietly watching this unfold while he drank his tea: Actually I’m not
Tim and Jason who didn’t realize he was there but are already DoneTM: …… Damian continuing to sip his tea entirely unbothered: :)
Damian: Because I’m not an orphan-
Jason: ok, yoU KNOW WHAT-
____
or like in their group texts (that we know they have thanks to Nightwing (2016) #79)
*Steph changed the group chat name to “Bruce Wayne’s Personal Orpanage”*
Jason: Really?
Steph: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Steph: It’s the truth Damian: Both my parents are very much alive
Steph: Shhh you don’t count
Cass: Mine too Duke: Technically so are mine
Barbara: I still have a dad so there’s that
Steph: YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE JOKE
Tim: Stephanie aren’t BOTH of your parents alive???
Steph: KNOW WHAT? FINE
*Steph changed the group chat name to “The Technicality Police”*
Tim: well that’s more accurate at least
Steph: :)
_____
Damian in his 10th argument with Tim of the day: That’s- this is-
Tim in full Antagonizing Big Brother mode: I’m listening
Damian -a Gen Z and best friend to Jon Kent- extremely frustrated: This is such Motherless behavior!
Tim taken aback: [voice cracking] W-what-?
Damian who didn’t mean to say that but doubling down anyway because his bloodline doesn’t believe in admitting mistakes: THIS! This is such Motherless behavior!
The rest of the family who is also motherless: :O
Cass whose been spending way too much time with Meme Queen Stephanie Brown and not involved in the argument but finding it entertaining regardless: [nodding along seriously] Facts
Tim: [visibly betrayed] CASS WHAT-
A video copy of the interaction gets sent out anonymously to the entire family. Barbara is the prime suspect but there is no proof as of yet (and they will never find any)
Steph, Cass, and Duke continue to respond “Motherless behavior” everytime one of the bats does something they deem questionable/insane. It is said often
It only stops when one night in the middle of patrol. Batman is in full Dark Knight mode (possibly in the middle of threatening someone) and descends from the ceiling into the middle of a warehouse drug deal, dark cape billowing out behind him-
and Steph just automatically whispers “Motherless behavior” forgetting her com was still very much on
She immediately realizes what she said and frantically apologizes but it’s too late.
Bruce just- Blue Screens. Completely stunned into silence
Dick -who was unfortunate enough to be the one teamed up with Batman tonight- is fighting for his life to choke back his laughter
Jason doesn’t even try to stop his and has collapsed to his knees from lack of air from how hard he’s laughing. Cass try’s half heartedly patting his back to help to no avail
The criminals are terrified into surrender from The Red Hood just laughing hysterically at seemingly nothing while Batman just Stands There
Damian ends up being the only one still functioning enough to continue arresting everyone, though he is privately amused and strangely proud
Tim and Barbara have saved both the com recordings and cowl footage to at least three different servers and sent it to absolutely everyone before Batman even recovers
Duke finds out second hand the next morning and is furious he missed the chance to see it in person. He declares he is moving to the nightshift so it doesn’t happen again. (He is all talk and goes to bed by 9 pm)
Bruce bans the phrase for life and promises swift and server punishment to anyone who dares to use it again
#Like it’d be so funny#Imagine them on mothers day#Damian at unnecessary volumes: I AM LEAVING TO GO TO VISIT MY MOTHER NOW#Damian: WHERE SHE LIVES.#His brothers on their way to the cemetery or smth: ._.#Damian still going regardless: BECAUSE SHE IS ALIVE#I just know Damian “Certified Mama’s Boy” Wayne would be such a menace about it#And Duke Babs Steph and Cass would so help fan the flames#batfam#dc comics#fanfiction#headcanon#chat fic#Can you tell I read them often#And yes adoptees forget they’re adopted#I have a friend who has on multiple occasions started to tell me about something that “ran in the family”/something in her family history#Before she’ll remember she’s not actually blood related#someone has probably already done this#But I still thinks it’s very funny#No I don’t think Jon would say motherless behavior to someone#But I do think he’d know the phrase and teach Damian#I just imagine he educates him on all the Gen Z lingo don’t ask why#crack post#100% a joke dont take it seriously
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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if the agrestes weren't rich i think that gabriel would be the normal one. like gabe's problem is that he stopped running into natural limits due to absurd wealth and his obsessive nature led him to develop some kind of god complex where he won't accept that anything is out of his control. I think that if gabe was broke again and just simply couldn't afford to go on an international goose chase for ancient magic artifacts of untold power, if he had to work a 9-5 to live and couldn't just disappear into his basement lair to commit domestic terrorism and say evil monologues to himself, then he would be way more normal. he'd just be some guy. he might even let himself have a mowhawk again. but I think that emilie would be way LESS normal if they weren't rich. like emilie needs so many people to be obsessed with her so much all the time in order for her to function. and gabe would still have his toxic codependent obsession with her, sure, but that wouldn't be nearly enough. emilie has to be at the center of the world's spotlight at all times because she doesn't know how to exist if she's not performing. anyway all this to say I am so certain that if the agrestes were not disgustingly wealthy, emilie agreste would one million percent be running a massive family vlogger youtube channel
#this post is sponsored by the version of emilie agreste who lives in my mind#in this scenario adrien still exists so maybe he's a normal baby somehow. but the important thing is that he's still exploited#this is just an exercise for me in thinking about how much of the agreste family dynamic you could preserve if they were middle class#how much wealth is an enabler of the terrible things happening in that house#but yeah agreste family vloggers au. I guess.#where adrien shows up at school and everybody knows him because his mom posted his potty training videos online and everything since#he has no secrets every milestone he's ever had has been packaged up and sold to the public#until he becomes chat noir of course. etc#oh god emilie would vlog her own death😭 help#get ready with me to die and haunt the narrative🤩#ml#anna rambles#I wrote this because im not finishing my homework:(
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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I just saw one of your fave games is What remains of Edith Finch and I’m so happy! I feel like its a lesser known game but i loved playing through it. I’m so happy to know more than just my small friend group know about this game!
Sorry this isn’t a question. Also want to say that you’re art is amazing and the development of the designs is so interesting to see. Also the way you draw intimate scenes have so much emotion to them. I love the Aj and rarity kissing comic so much, you can just feel their love for each other ;w;
Thank you so much!
I highly, highly, highly recommend What Remains of Edith Finch to anyone interested in narrative game experiences/"walking simulators." It's one of those games that was handcrafted with nothing but love. Every room you explore is just... real. The way the light flows in and makes the colors of the living room, the kitchen, the bedrooms glow. Playing the game is like walking through your childhood home as an adult and seeing how the dust clings to everything you once touched. Also genius-level gameplay mechanics, ones that can make you completely empathetic with the character you're embodying or feel completely complacent in their tragedy. It's really not fair to call it a walking simulator because it's so much more and so much smarter than that.Everyone talks about the fish one.
The theme of death and memory and storytelling and the burden of invisible trauma and self-fulfilling prophecies is so affecting too. The ending made me cry.
#detective-marshmallow#ask me#using this ask to seriously plug edith finch#and to talk about spoilers here#major major major spoilers#because i still think about walter. who saw something so awful and traumatic as a kid that he spend the next 40 years living right under hi#family. and everyone forgot about him#i think about the house. literally aching and creaking with the family's history of strange deaths#i think about sam. who had to grow up in an empty bedroom he once shared with his twin brother. and stare at the partitioned-off side#every single day#i think about edith. who knows she will have a child and knows she will die and continue the family curse but decides to live anyways#god edith didn't even make it to adulthood.#this game tears me up from the inside yet it's so full of love and fantasy and hope#it was honestly really helpful for my death anxiety.#don't fear death. one day you'll go. people will mourn. and then they'll tell stories about you.
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In a world full of darkness and hopelessness you created something beautiful. People who can do that live forever.
#reita#the gazette#yeah i will never be over him#i was thinking what to put in the desc#like... i never knew hum personally but the fact he existed changed my life for the better in so many ways#and it is still so unreal to me that he is... gone.#i found so much solace in their music i know i kinda abandoned this blog but god knows my mp3 player is full of tG live rips#i've been rewatching their lives recently and looking forward to MASS. and then... this. i can't imagine how his family feels. and the band#idek anymore. may he rest in piece. i have no words. heaven couldn't wait with this one.
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Maybe the problem with Christian fiction is that it's non-denominational. People are just "Christian", with no effort put into showing what practicing that religion looks like for them specifically. No indication that there are other Christians who could have different beliefs. No wrestling with differing ideas and the struggle of how one should live out their Christian faith. And that makes it unrealistic and unrelatable.
#me reading any christian historical fiction set in england: why are none of these gentry anglican??#they ARE all anglican and if they are not it is extremely plot and character relevant you can't just have them using evangelical buzzwords#but i'm also thinking of this because i started another charlotte yonge book#that is by far my favorite of the things of hers that i've read#because it has characters who have different upbringings and religious opinions#instead of just 'here's a bunch of high church anglicans judging people who don't live up to their victorian standard'#you have the very high church anglican rector whose wife is worldly but still a very good person#the girl raised in a very strict protestant family who is more scrupulous than the anglicans but is still recognized as a good person#you have people who are trying to work out the nuances of different issues#and that makes it so much more realistic and so much easier to integrate into the story#(the politics though are hilarious)#(most of the classics that survive are the ones that were 'ahead of their time' in politics)#(so it's equally fascinating and refreshing and a bit infuriating to see one that is very very of its time with regards to women's rights)#('why did this woman get up at the meeting and explain her very good ideas for rebuilding after the fire? she should have had a man do it')#(meanwhile i'm just screaming 'why on earth SHOULDN'T she???')#(it's almost enough to make a feminist of me)
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Honorary appreciation post for this mentally exhausted sweetheart.
#i am utterly in love#beautiful traumatized fictional man#my beloved#he’s the bestest boy#he’s full of heart#so many more expectations he feels he has to live up to because he’s just too young for all of this#he’s being pulled in all directions#but he is TRYING his best#they fumbled so hard with this movie#it was supposed to be about him but the entire thing was another propaganda piece#about how he’s going down the wrong path by straying from Batman’s morals#a decade of no animated Jason content since utrh there’s so much more they should’ve done with him#not counting yj cuz he barely made an appearance#jason todd#dc#death in the family (2020)#ditf#my post#stills#favs
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I think that the party's communication issues can be summed up as "man, is it awkward to tell someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with them if you've only know them for a few months? Probably."
#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#listen they will kill for each other but also its such a short time???? like??? thats part of the tragedy tbh#like!!! yeah theyll go back to their previous lives bc who in their right minds throw out everything they were doing before for people youv#only known for a few months and it turns out all of them do bc theyre insane for each other but!!!! like!!!! thats still a big ask!!!!!#yeah lets throw out everything we've ever know to be together lets fucking go and then they do in the end!!!! but!!!#thats because theyre all are ride or die to the extreme for each other!!!!!! far more than siffrin thinks anyone will ever be for him!!!!#anyway I have a lot of feelings about the party and just how bonkers (affectionate) they are#yeah no siffrin I too would not expect people to put aside their previous lives especially if its clear they have other plans#'yeah im gonna invite myself over to your house to live here lol' yeah no I would not assume that!!!!!!!#the issue is more that issue doesnt communicate what he really wants because if they do and his family says no then... being together truly#will end so he doesnt ask so they never will get a no so it never has to end (and has his reason to keep going)#this is turning into an essay in the tags but like. God its a wild set of circumstances so#tbh Siffrin not thinking the party wants to travel together is not wild to me neither is family not communicating#them wanting to be together ALL OF THEM wanting it is... unbelivable in these circumstances#but they do bc theyre all insane and ride or die but the extent of which is a mystery to all of them#anyway thats my essay in the tags#just read the no loops fic where the adults minus siffrin all offer to bring bonnie to bambouche and had FEELINGS about it#my posts
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furries would not be where they are today if not for dragoneer. even before he created FA, he was carving out spaces where the tiny niche that were furries could feel safe and have fun. one dude. you can trace practically every modern furry community back to one individual guy and the relentless work he did. given how tied to the lgbt+ community furries have become, i sincerely hope his name is one that becomes immortalized in queer history. what a fucking legacy.
#dragoneer#furaffinity#furries#i've always been more furry adjacent just dipping my toes in here and there#and still i wouldn't have made so many friends and have so many cherished memories#without dragoneer making a space for them#i'm angry like everyone else that our healthcare system not just failed him but neglected him#i hope his family sues the ever living shit out of that hospital for the gross incompetence#i hope whatever doctor sent him home with a suspected case of a godawful bacterial infection with no antibiotics#has to pay them for the rest of their life#i know its unlikely but one can hope#this system is a fucking joke
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Mizuki and Date though like. Imagine being 8 and your parents are filthy rich and going through a bad divorce. Your mom treats you like shit, lashing out at you, hitting you, saying she wishes you were never born all because you were behaving like a child. Your dad is more comforting, but he doesn’t do anything to stop the abuse and he spends his time invested in a completely different family, a girl who you love and look up to but he loves her more than you and it fucking shows. Then your dads new friend, some fucking bachelor in his late 20s, is just like "wow you guys are the worst fucking parents ive ever seen" and next thing you know your dad is sending you off to live with him. And it’s just a massive kick in the head cuz you go from a rich lifestyle to living in some really shitty tiny ass apartment with this guy who’s clearly never been around a child in his entire life and he doesn’t know how to behave and does a really bad job of censoring himself like he has a bunch of dirty magazines that he can’t hide very well cuz it’s literally a studio apartment and also he talks to himself sometimes, it’s really weird. He doesn’t even have the slightest clue what he’s doing
And he’s the best parent you’ve ever had
Because fuck, it all really hurts. You have to cope with having never received any love from anyone, and with the fact that your parents clearly don’t want you and can’t even be bothered to send you with anyone even kinda responsible. And this guy has a scary job with crazy hours and you don’t know anything about him and neither does he. But still, he never once hits you or tells you you’re not allowed to cry. He just gives you space and doesn’t push you to feel any sort of way about him. And sometimes, he’s even kind. He makes you some stew, even though it’s a bit chunky. He lets you sleep in the bed and takes the couch for himself, even though he complains about the massive back pain he’d never trade his spot for a second. He pays attention to events at your school and gives you your favorite stuffed animal when you make good grades, even though you called it ugly. He gets worried sick when you come home with bruises and puts on a goofy voice and trains you to defend yourself and you develop some highly deadly skills and even though it’s really abnormal, he buys you a bench press so you can get stronger. There’s this distance there, and you feel really weird caring about someone who you aren’t related to, but you find yourself wishing it was meant to be like this all along, that maybe, he’s secretly your real dad and he loves you like his real daughter
And when you say "I’m back" he says "welcome home"
#aitsf#ai the somnium files#kaname date#mizuki date#THE DATES THEY ARE MY EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAA#its so funny though like imagine being such a bad parent that some loner who jerks off all the time does a better job than you#and hes literally never interacted with children before and is later revealed to have actually been an assassin#renju and shoko really just suck huh#and i dont mean to reduce date to a porno loving loser cuz nah like hes actually got so much depth going on in this situation like he cant#remember a single thing about his past he has no frame of reference for what a family is or if hes ever had one himself#which we then learn he. kinda didnt he was an orphan with no friends no name no one who came looking for him it seems#yet he still finds himself loving and caring for this girl and would literally die over and over for her to live a happy life#hes so genuinely kind and caring and deeply lonely and unsure of himself if hes doing this right#and he feels agonizing pain when hes forced to remember that he isnt mizukis real dad and that. he has nothing#but despite that he doesnt force mizuki to return these feelings because its a lot to burden a child with and shes been through enough#its like. kaname date i love youuuu please just adopt her already 🥺
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[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]
Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.
And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.
Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#the prison dimension is horrifying on its own#add in a monstrous being that towers over you and has vowed to ensure your suffering?#god I can’t imagine how scary that is#Mikey opening the portal was a miracle because if he hadn’t managed it there#it’s really up in the air what could have become of Leo#personally I subscribe by the theory that you straight up can’t die in the prison dimension#so it’s a prison in all ways#but the thought of a Leo who manages anyway who adapts and continues to have hope despite it all…#Leo saying he’s nothing without his family is a double edged sword really#because the thought of his family alone is all he needs to live. to hope.#to smile#nothing without them…but they’re EVERYTHING to him#and maybe he doesn’t realize it but…the feeling is mutual#one thing too is that hope that comforts Leo so much is not just that#should he think his family needs help - that hope can turn into determination#I’m unwell about this family#actually on my point of their powers - I truly do think the abilities tie in not only to their personalities#but to their relationship to family and love in general#kinda like love languages in a way#Mikey with his chains and time abilities values being around his family the most - he wants them to experience living in the moment togethe#Donnie is someone who is 100% a gift giver to show his love - his constructs are exactly that aren’t they? gifts of his mind#Raph is someone who willingly bears the weight of the shield - he protects his family like the best big brother possible#and Leo - he goes off on his own a lot but his mind is constantly on his family anyway#like a sailor at sea no matter how far he travels the compass always point in one direction - and for him that compass points home#even if he can’t make it back - it’s still there#and that’s enough
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hey guys 🤲 spare nille thoughts? s’il vous plaît???
#radio rambles#so many isat fics who brush over her addition to the found family#fine sure whayever but also. also#pls ? pls?#i still need to make a nille design………#in my mind nille is like 18 or 19 at best#raising her child sibling#and i think. i think. something so special about the party taking her in#and helping with bonnie. because. it shouldnt have to be her responsibility#ofc she loves bon but it shouldnt have. to be. her job to take care of then#and she still will ofc…. shes used to it now. instinct or smth#but having a whole family of ppl who are Equally (if not more after. everything) protective of bon ? like. pls 🙏#ALSO JUST#we dont know much about their home life… if nille and bonnie live alone etc#id like to think she has neighbors she might rely on sometimes. coworkers at jobs she wouldve had to have taken up#but just having like. actual and experienced adult influences in her life can be so powerful#someone to. talk to about. feelings#DO U UNDERSTAND ME. DO YOU THINK NILLE TALKS ABOUT EMOTIONS#about her own#auggh#this was supposed to be a short post but now ive said one billion things#oops#talk to me abt nille. in exchange. uh. nille design one day#ok?#isat spoilers#isat
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