#so i shall continue to suck it up and do it until things get easier or i simply collapse from the weight of too much responsibility

[tragically-jane-doe]

It's just easier if I compile all my screaming for this episode in one post so I don't flood the tag I'm srry

Rewatching it now cause a lot of my squealing and overwhelmedness made me miss some stuff

Love how she just camped out next to him all night

Oh fuck my wife is 406 fuck to

At least he knows she's kinda being threatened by the og 406

He's not okay I repeat he's not okay this is not a drill

Baby girl(sa-eon) is having a lil tiny bit of a nervous breakdown

OH NO HEE-JOO BEING HOT AND AND CONFIDENT

Even angry this man doesn't know how to stop being obsessed with her

"I forgive you for your wrong doings" my boy is this you saying it to her or asking her for her forgiveness cause lemme say I think you have a touch more wrong doings that her she's only harassed you a bit on the phone

THE PSYCHOPATH BOY IS THE OG SAEON ISNT HE oh no dead fishies

Is it impossible to change innate temperament? Oh girl oh sweet mama there's so much trauma there

In-a I can't tell if your gonna be a villain or someone is hee-joo corner?? Like I hope she's not a villain cause it'd be nice for hee-joo to have another person who cares about her but by God if she isn't a villain she's clumsy ASF in regards to hee-joo?

God how it pains me that still no one learnt sign language for her not her mother not her sister who was fucking deaf even not her husband (until recently but really he had so long to do so) idk much about her step dad? He's only rlly been shown talking like 4ish times he's gonna have his moment soon I'm sure from what I've seen he doesn't suck totally? Idk I'm going crazy here

Anyways GO OFF HEE-JOO

In-a dress fucking rocks thou it's so pretty

Mr snoopy over her holding garters "hee-joo is into this kinda thing"

oh my prolonged eye contact

Sa-eon knows zero chill ever

Sa-eon over here playing 4D chess

Oh so he's just been obsessed for like 20 years and started his stalking profession early

Hee-joo just casually outing herself "you didn't care whether I lived or died or whether I was by your side, until now" girly pop I love you but God are you clumsy

AND HE JUST IGNORES HER SLIP? Sa-eon just continues on with the 406 name dear god

Kay I know hee-joo mom is off but is the step dad? Is he I can't tell and it's driving me nutters

She really went actions are louder than words and he fucking acted

He's keeping her fed under the guise of buying the office lunch

No one is safe from this mans jealousy

I Love his death stares

Fuck his coffee take this cute juice with a heart on it babe

OH yeah there's a b plot I love this duo so much they're so cute together they're personalities compliment each other's so well!

Oh sang-woo you absolute fucking babe

Sa-eon is that you as a child dear do you have a twin brother is that what's happening rn is your twin brother trying to ruin you honey?

Oh nooo whatever shall I do my pretty wife has fallen asleep and she now rest her head upon me oh woo is me

Jesus Christ his hands

"is this how I get caught?" GIRL AT THE START YOU FUCKING SAID I LAST PHONE CALL HE KNOWS THAT ITS YOU, YOU OUTED YOUR SELF GODDAMN

Mr.Kang I love you so much your my favorite

His wiggle song I love it

HE LOVES HIS WIFE SO MUCH SA-EON IS OVER HERE TAKING NOTES

Mr.Kang is all of us my man youve been married three years and you show no affection

Nothing bad can ever happen to Mr.Kang l

NO ONE IS SAFE FROM THIS MANS JEALOUSY

Mr I can totally jump rope (falls on his face) and Mrs follow me and copy (proceeds to be the best ever) I love him psyching himself up the lil jumps

Mr Let me prove myself to you by showing you how good I am at this jump rope thi- hey are you even listening to me I'm trying to profess my love rn

Only a k drama could get me kicking my feet giggling over two ppl jump roping

No but this photo is every thing

Mr.Kang defending his mans HES A MARRIED MAN HE HAS HONOR DAMNIT

Okay wait is? I can't remember his name but sa-eon like right hand man all dressed in black? Did he? Did he push hee-joo? Cause the lil flash back showed someone wearing black pushing her and he was pretty close to where she was standing? is he gonna be a red herring or possibly in cahoots with the baddie?

why in the hell did she bring 406 on her lil retreat?

"Hong hee-joo I mean 406" love how he's playing the game

"you said to call when there's a corpse, come take her" my man sa-eon looks fucking wrecked by that

HE PACKED HER BAG FOR HER!

Only truths he's abiding by what she saiddddd

HES SO IN LOVE WITH HER

He just wants to take care of her fuck

THE FLARE HOLY SHIT SIR HE LOOKS SO RELIEVED

The previews my dudes! No wait him still doing the phone calls just to talk to her cause jts easier for her to speak like that 🥺

Why you gotta do this to me

"I like you" sa-eon you mispronounced I'm obsessed with you

[review-anon]

Despair Time Chapter 2 Review Part 1: The Good

Hey guys Review Anon here and what’s this? I’m reviewing something other than ASOOT arcs? Yes, yes, I am. Shocker I know but I am not treading too far as I’m still covering Danganronpa as I’m reviewing Chapter 2 of Despair Time now it’s finished. I have my thoughts on it and now I’ve taken some time to take it all in I can talk about what went well, what didn’t go well and what lessons we can take away from the whole thing. I was gonna wait until Bubbles does their review/rant but natural disasters are bitches and power hasn’t been restored yet. So, I’m doing this now to get out of the way.

And for any people coming here from non ASOOT related tags then I will apologise in advance because you are gonna be in for a LOOONNNGGGG read. If you are the type to go tl;dr then turn away now.

I presume the rest of you want to read it? Well, let’s get right to it. I’ve split this into three parts because I don’t want to do Google Docs for this, and it would be an easier read for those who came from the non ASOOT space as you guys aren’t used to my lengthy reviews. Consider this your crash course on how I review, in extreme detail and excessive word count. This right here is about 8.5k which is a bite size by my standards which should tell you everything.

Please bear in mind you will have to wait a bit for the next parts as I want to get my current project done before this. Its just I didn't anticipate this taking so long.

Anyway, let’s get right into it, shall we?

Chains of Friendship

Chapter 1s for any Fanronpa tend to be very shocking as it’s the creator’s way to try and surprise the audience and subvert any expectations they have. Some do this well, others do not. But Despair Time was one of those who did it well by how it handled the main protagonist Teruko Tawaki.

At first glance she seemed to be an atypical Danganronpa protagonist. Ultimate Lucky Student? Check. Has an ahoge? Check. Believes in friendship, trust, hope and all those bollocks? Check. Gets backstabbed by someone they believed to be a friend in the first chapter? Check quite literally. Forgives said friend and continues to be a ray of sunshine? Ch- oh wait hang on a minute she didn’t do that at all.

Yeeaahhh while Xander’s sudden attempted murder on Teruko was a massive shock, what was even more so that Teruko decided to say fuck friendship and trust and not trust anyone ever again. On one hand you can understand Teruko’s rage. She was very close to Xander and he used that trust to try and kill her. Min was also someone who supported Teruko and she was willing to throw Teruko under the bus to save her own skin. None of the others stood up for her as they all decided that Teruko killed Xander, and it was only thanks to the power of protagonist energy and using basic logic that saved them. As such Teruko was well within her right to call everyone out for being selfish bastards. Especially since as we get to know more of Teruko this chapter, we learn that what happened in Chapter 1, while extreme, is a snapshot of her entire life due to how ruinous her luck has been.

I don’t think I’ve said this before, but I will say it now, luck SUCKS in the Danganronpa universe. Look at all the Lucky Students we had, Makoto is the only one who has a decent life and he loses the most. Nagito is so ravaged by luck he’s become suicidal and depressed. Yuki goes through literal hell due to his luck and the less said about Utsuro, the better. And while it’s still very much a WIP, one of my OCs is a Lucky Student and her life is equally ruined by her luck. But don’t worry I’ve not copy pasted it from anyone else as the direction I’ve taken my OC is in a way nobody has done before. And what Teruko has here is a fine example of that. She is an orphan who was abandoned by everyone in her life, she has numerous wounds on her body, she barely has any education as she has to sneak into large schools as a student and then once the gig is up, run away and her finances are in ruins due to the hospital bills. Its little surprise why she likes the Killing Game, as she gets guaranteed food and shelter here, which is more then what can be said outside. But even that has a silver lining as we know whoever the mastermind is, they have it out for her.

However, while this is a massive departure from what the typical protagonist would go through, it’s a known fact that in a Killing Game, you NEED to work with others. Class Trials are decided by majority vote and so if you become a pariah, you are very likely to be ignored and might risk dooming yourself or others if what you are saying is true. Teruko doesn’t have to like her classmates, but she needs to learn to coexist with them. Especially since Teruko switching from “I hate and distrust everyone” to “We are all friends” is a major mood whiplash I doubt anyone would do. So naturally one of the main themes of this chapter is learning to rebuild trust after its broken and the consequences of not trusting anyone.

Two major voices object to Teruko’s self-imposed isolation and distrust of everyone. The first is Eden Tobisa. She’s always been a cheerful and optimistic person within the Killing Game and has taken Xander’s and Min’s deaths harshly. In a way Eden behaves more like what a typical Danganronpa protagonist does, wanting to be friends with everyone and being kind. When she tries to get Teruko to bake with her, Teruko reminds her the last time they baked was with Hu, Rose and Min and that was later used for Min’s murder of Xander. She calls her naïve for being optimistic and says she won’t be friends with her, because she knows that at some point, Eden will crack from the harsh reality of the Killing Game and the luckster doesn’t want a stake in it. Kindness will always be rewarded with cruelty.

But when she says this Eden surprises her as contrary to what Teruko thinks, Eden isn’t oblivious to the cruelness of the Killing Game and reality as a whole. Yet the small clockmaker chooses to be kind because it’s the right thing to do, and if you give someone kindness while people can backstab you, you can be rewarded. When it comes to trust and distrust you need a healthy balance.

When I reviewed Black and White Christmas, I didn’t like how Sunako was forcing the Quantum Crew to trust the 76 Squad for a couple of reasons. I tried explaining it at the time, but I felt I telegraphed it quite poorly and I’m sure that’s irritated Mod Poi. The first one is on me, as I didn’t really know the 76 Squad then and as such couldn’t really tell at face value if they were to be trusted or not. Since they are from NWPM and I struggled to read it, my lack of knowledge led to that judgement, but the other thing is that I compared the whole thing to Raja and the Last Dragon and how it mishandled the theme of trust. Expect I didn’t explain it very well or misunderstood the hate. The main reason Raja got betrayed the first time was because she trusted Namaari too much, which you should never do to people you literally just meet. Give them the benefit of doubt yes, but never open yourself up to someone you don’t know that well. Teruko made that mistake with Xander and that’s why she got a knife in her gut.

While it’s a heartfelt speech, it had a notable impact on Teruko as she didn’t know how to respond. When you expect nothing but betrayal and backstabbing, having someone be kind for the sake of it can shock you. It’s the same shock Kyoko experienced in Trigger Happy Havoc when she didn’t expect Makoto to keep his mouth shut about evidence that he knows is false, and he explained it’s because he trusts her, she didn’t know how to respond. While Eden isn’t the main protagonist, the same principle applies.

Eden isn’t the only person who objects to Teruko’s views that you should never have faith in others as the other is Charles Cuevas. Starting off Charles was your atypical smug intellectual who believes he’s superior to others, akin like Byakuya and Rei. But much like them, he softens up and learns to work with others though in Charles’s case it’s a bit more extreme. In Chapter 1 he was revealed to suffer from Hemophobia, so much so that if he sees blood, he literally goes into shock and can’t remember anything. Xander uses this to his advantage to try and frame Charles for his would be killing of Teruko, but when it seems like everyone is turning on Charles, Whit is the one who stands up for him, gives evidence why he couldn’t do it and so Charles is cleared. This has caused the formally smug chemist to go through a bit of character development as while in Chapter 2 he still thinks his intelligence is beyond that of most of the cast, he isn’t pushing them down as much and has soften up to certain characters, most particularly Whit and Teruko. The former because he stood up for him and is an honest friend and the latter due to demonstrating that unlike most of the cast, Teruko actually uses her brain. It’s a slow burn but assuming Charles survives all to the end, he will become a much better person.

So, when Teruko talks about her disbelief that he is trusting people after what happened in the Class Trail, he brings up some valid points on why Teruko is actually being quite illogical as cooperation with others is key to surviving this game and humans are social pack animals by design, we work better as a team.

Chapter 1 Charles is pretty much Chapter 2 Teruko but after learning he cannot look at a corpse and thus is incapable of surviving on his own, Charles has started to learn how to rely on others. In some ways he doesn’t like how everyone pities him now so Teruko is a relief as her interactions with him haven’t changed. But while Eden says why Teruko is wrong from an emotional and moral perspective, Charles approaches it from a logical and factual point of view. As many analysts have already pointed out, it’s impossible to do a solo act in a Killing Game, if you want to live, you need to learn how to work with others. Either to prevent yourself from becoming a target, or so others can help you when you are down, much like how Whit helped Charles in his lowest point. As such using his own experiences, he knows the direction Teruko is coming from and implores her to reconsider as eventually events will occur which will force her back to trusting others again.

I like this as we have two different characters, both who get tons of development this Chapter, attacking Teruko’s morals from different angles. But while they are definitely making dents, Teruko is able to justify in her worldview that she’s been beaten too many times to be like Eden, especially as Eden seems to have had a good life where her worst secret is that she’s a closet lesbian. Which okay its definitely something Eden might have been harassed over if bigotry is still a thing in this world, but with so many of the cast being LGBTQ, it’s not the worst secret in the world. And for Charles, he has a deliberating condition which prevents him from surviving on his own. Everyone knows about Teruko’s luck and she’s survived this well without needing help on it so she doesn’t need to rely on others.

Expect of course, she’s wrong, because during an interaction with Veronika, she brings up the suggestion that Teruko might have prosopagnosia.

While it’s not confirmed in this Chapter, I do believe Bubbles has a point that Teruko might have face blindness but I don’t think its prosopagnosia. Recall that Teruko has had a very harsh upbringing where she couldn’t get close to people or have a solid support network. It’s known that having a disruptive childhood can lead to arrested development in various areas. I recall a case where a woman had blurry vision for a long time as a child and wasn’t diagnosed as shortsighted until much later in her life and because this happened after the point in a child’s development where the sense of self develops, it means this woman had a lot of self-identity problems and has a hard time recognising herself or others. But she doesn’t have prosopagnosia as that’s a neurological condition you are born with. Rather I feel the face blindness is due to people fazing in and out of Teruko’s life so much that she doesn’t bother forming connections and that is what’s fucked her up.

Regardless of the technicities, it IS a problem in a Killing Game because it would be very easy for someone to trick Teruko by merely dressing up as someone else. That wouldn’t be a problem if Teruko has a support network in place, but if she doesn’t, then she’s a goner. So, like Charles, for medical reasons Teruko doesn’t have the means to stand on her own and needs others to help her.

But the one character who shattered Teruko’s worldview and made her realise what she’s doing is wrong is the victim of this chapter; Arei Nageishi.

When Arei was introduced back in the Prologue at first it seemed like she was gonna be an insufferable Hiyoko-like character. She’s vicious, mean and enjoys tormenting others. But Chapter 1 reveals some layers to her as when Eden invited Teruko, Rose, Min and Hu to bake, Arei got really upset because she wasn’t invited, implying she wants to be involved with the group but doesn’t know how to approach it in any way other than being mean. Then during her FTE with J, she reveals that she has a ranking system in place for how badly she bullies other, while some like J get mild teasing, others she will try to ruin their lives completely. And for kind people she will make sure they cry because she cannot stand anyone being kind, implying that Arei seems to have a real problem with people being kind.

As such when Eden goes to apologise to Arei for excluding her, at first Arei behaves like how Teruko would think she would, she belittles Eden, calls her dumb and says she’s gonna die if she keeps this up, which causes Eden to burst into tears and run away. But alone with David and Teruko, Arei confesses that she didn’t like doing that. She said that stuff to Eden to protect her, because she believes the world is like what Teruko says it is, that kindness cannot be rewarded with anything other than cruelty. And if Eden keeps this up, she’s gonna die. The reason for this is as you would expect due to trauma as Arei’s older sisters would torment her constantly and make her life hell, until Arei just had it and frame her sisters for a bunch of crimes which resulted in them getting send to reform school. This here is a snapshot of one of the main themes this chapter has so we will come back to it later. So, is Arei just reinforcing Teruko’s worldview? Nope. Because then Arei reveals that despite all of that, she WANTS kind people to exist, she HAS to be doubtful of Eden because she’s so kind and optimistic, the exact person Arei wants to have in her life, but her past experiences have gotten in the way. And as she breaks down sobbing due to that, something stirs within Teruko.

Without realising it, Arei has shot a massive wound in Teruko’s armour. She’s someone who is basically like Teruko, who is rude and cruel to others because every time she’s tried to be kind, it was slapped down and punished. She also believes the world is a dark and evil place, but she also wants to believe kind people exist, despite what her experiences have taught her. This is what Teruko is going through. The fact she does cactus puppet plays of Xander and Min, shows that despite what Teruko claims, she is not a sociopath and can care for others, and she wants to be friends with everyone but having been hurt so badly, she cannot get close again. Teruko, without realising it, sees a lot of herself within Arei. She denies it at the time but those words have an impact on her.

David’s speech to her, even though its hollow and not even Arei believed it because she saw his secret and knew he was a piece of shit, still didn’t mind it. The reason being is that even if someone like David, who is seen as a beacon of hope and sunshine, is a rotten bastard deep down, then its proof she isn’t too far gone. While obviously we don’t have David reveal this to the others, we see the conversation happen, and it clearly had an effect on David, due to him remembering it so vividly. Arei’s drive to become a better person wound up saving Eden’s life twice as she interrupted Arturo’s attack on Eden when she tried to reveal his secret to him, and by doing her stunt Ace, the culprit for this case, decided to switch targets and go for Arei instead of Eden. Which I’m glad that Eden didn’t die because if she did, that would convince many that Despair Time was gonna be a cynical work like the Another Series and The Mistake. And why of course Arei still died this chapter, her death was NOT caused by her reaching out to others because Ace was gonna kill regardless of what was happening. And Teruko’s rage at Ace for killing Arei was less about him having a shitty motive but because had Arei lived, she and Teruko would have become good friends, since she would have understood Teruko’s pain and her desire to want to trust others regardless of her past.

Teruko also suffered the consequences of shutting others out as by being isolationist, Teruko has missed the context for a lot of what shenanigans have unfolded among others, and due to believing her viewpoint to be the only correct one, she makes mistakes. During the Class Trial, Teruko misreads the time and assumed the murder occurred at 8pm and NOT 8am which is Arei’s true time of death. Had Charles not pointed this out, David would be ruled as the culprit and everyone would have been executed. Another major mistake Teruko made was in how to end the Killing Game. When Veronika said that Eden had an idea to end the Killing Game by being as boring as possible, Teruko said that wouldn’t work as that’s why motives exist, whereas she has an idea but she needs to wait until the next murder occurs. We are left hanging, and for Arei’s case quite literally on what she meant by that, that is until Ace was exposed as the culprit and Teruko asks Ace to do something outrageous; Kill MonoTV.

Teruko’s logic for this at first glance seems sound. The reason the Killing Game occurs is due to the fact they have to follow MonoTV’s rules, and breaking them results in death. However, with Ace due to die via execution, he has nothing to lose. If he destroys MonoTV he has a chance to save his own life, of course if he fails, so what, Ace is gonna die anything so it achieves nothing. In short, there is no downsides and only upsides.

Expect of course if you have been paying attention, this is not the case. Firstly, normally with the mascots they tend to have copies, one gets destroyed, another takes its place. Thus, the game will carry on, but then there’s another one and one that tripped a lot of people up. When MonoTV was asked who would be the blackened, he said whoever was the most “mastermind-y” Now a lot of people interpreted this as being whoever is behind the murder and not necessarily the murderer. This is why Bubbles proposed that while Hu would be the one to kill Arei/J, David would be the blackened as he was the one who manipulated Hu into doing so. But this logic doesn’t just apply to murders, when Ace obliges and tries to smash MonoTV, it doesn’t work due to the robot being more durable then initially thought, the AI said that while Ace did break a rule, he was gonna be executed anyway so it would achieve nothing. As such the one being punished would be the one who told Ace to break said rule; Teruko herself.

As the countdown for Teruko to get gatling gunned occurs, I wasn’t worried like Teruko, as I KNEW someone was gonna jump in front of her and take the shots. The question was; who? I was thinking either Eden or Charles would do so as both have strong connections to Teruko, and for both it would be a massive contribution to their characters. In Eden’s case its shows she’s not scared to fight what she believes in, and returning the favour. Teruko stood up for her when the culprits narrowed down to Ace and herself, and Teruko decided to focus on Ace, so the petite clockmaker would return the favour. For Charles, it would be him facing his fears as he is terrified of the sight of blood and gore, so him jumping in front of the way of a gatling gun, assuming he survives, would show how much he is starting to care for the others. Anyone else aside those two…I didn’t think so. Ace would have never done so as I’m sure he is the one who voted for Teruko. Nico clearly wanted to get away with their crimes and the others either aren’t close to Teruko or jumping in front of the gun would be out of character for them. So, when the timer hit zero, I expected a CGI of either Eden or Charles with a lot of bullets in them…

But instead, my expectations were blown wide open by the fact that Levi of all people jumped in front of Teruko and shielded her from the bullets. This reminded me very much of when Akane was almost blown up by a bazooka by Monokuma but Nekomaru blocked his way and got shot. Considering what we learnt about Levi in this Chapter, this really took me off guard AND bumped him up several tiers in my character rankings.

But this had a total shock on Teruko, as she believed if she didn’t care for anyone else, nobody would likewise care for her, so the fact that someone cared enough to shield her from pain, and that they are on death’s door because of her, send shockwaves through Teruko’s body as when after Ace’s execution as everyone rushed to the infirmary to treat Levi, Teruko stayed behind to do something she said she would never do; mourn.

The amount of people who contributed to Teruko’s character development doesn’t end there as while those four are examples of positive interactions for Teruko, we have had two cases of negative interactions who serve a different purpose, the first is David Chiem.

When introduced David…seemed off. He seemed like an affable and friendly person who believes everyone has the motivation and desire to change, and Xander in particular seems to be a massive fanboy of him. But like most celebrities and people in public that is just a façade is in the Prologue when Xander went off to get something for his idol to sign, we see David chuckling to himself on how much of an idiot Xander is, without realising that Teruko was there to see it all, and his shock when she reveals she heard that, says it all. Chapter 2 brought up the suss meter even further when David ‘confessed’ his secret and implored everyone to discuss their own secrets, which far from doing good, ended up causing a lot of drama and tension. Anyone with a irk of sense could tell David was fake, I knew he was fake, Bubbles knew he was fake, pretty much most Youtubers reacting knew he was fake.

Another factor working against him is his VA. Quite a few SDRA2 English Dub VAs also worked on Despair Time, and for the most part is interesting to see their contrasts. Bblackroses is known for playing Hibiki Otonokoji, but here she is J who while Hibiki is a bubbly peppy girly-girly, J is a complete tomboy who hates the starlight and fame. Artimmissis Setsuka Chiebukuro, who is a very reliable woman with a prankster side to her, but here she is MonoTV an incompetent mastermind who tells the worst jokes. David Chiem’s VA is Sword of Swords who also worked on SDRA2, and what character did he play there?

Oh, nobody important, just Mikado Sannoji the Mastermind of that game, the leader of the main antagonist group Void and more or less a piece of shit.

At first glance the contrast seems to be that Mikado is an evil bastard whereas David is a moral force of good. But as the pressure mounts for David and the fact his secret is that he’s a manipulator who likes to deceive others, as well as how he mocked Arei’s desire for friends earlier, meant when it reached the boiling point the mask came off and David revealed his true self.

It’s here the true contrasts between him and Mikado become clear. Both are men who hide their true selves behind a mask, literally for Mikado and figuratively for David and both pretended to be forces of good before their masks slip and their true vile nature is revealed. David is obvious as he tried to be a good moral speaker whereas Mikado you might have missed it tried to be a hero and claim Void was a force of good before Rei and Teruya ruined it. In addition, their true selves are so VERY different. Mikado always remained polite and affable even when he is being extremely bastardry whereas David is rude, condensing and swears all the damn time. I also cannot help that David’s true self looking a lot like Utsuro, who is the main object of Mikado’s desires cannot NOT be a coincidence.

But what does David show for Teruko? Well, he seems to at a glance reinforce Teruko’s beliefs that nobody can be trusted as Teruko smugly pointed out she saw the warning signs of him being evil way before anyone else did. And whenever he talks to her, he seems to want to keep this act of Teruko hating everyone up, saying it’s her nature to distrust others and the only thing she trusts is the truth. And then here is his final confession he wants Teruko to trust what he’s saying. David is in a way a warning of the kind of person Teruko would become if she keeps on her current path. I also think that David had Teruko’s secret and knows it’s her fault the Killing Game is going on. The fact he keeps seemly praising Xander and calling him a good person is obviously an attempt to get under Teruko’s skin due to how she feels about him. I for one second don’t believe he cares about Xander.

Mr. Politician isn’t the only person who serves as a warning as the culprit of this chapter, Ace Markey does as well. Ace always seemed to be a coward as he is easily scared of his own shadow and while he talks tough, he doesn’t have the actions to back it up. However, in Chapter 2 Ace gets sick and tired of being a wimp and thus decides to become a bully, which is still being a coward as pretty much most bullies bully because they are cowards who want someone weaker than themselves to lord over to make themselves feel better. Yet what drives Ace’s actions is his Thanatophobia, fear of death which is a very bad thing to have in a Killing Game. Due to this fear, Ace decides to commit murder as he feels if he doesn’t kill someone, someone will do the same to him and the fact Nico almost does, reinforces this belief. Teruko is someone while not paranoid, is very distrustful of everyone and if she feels that anyone and everyone is out to get her, she could fall down the same slippery slope that Ace does.

Despite this, Ace still manages to surprise her as when Levi takes the bullets for her, everyone needs to get to the infirmary to treat Levi otherwise he dies, but the lift won’t work since Ace still needs to be executed. Ace has already made it very clear he hates and despises Levi, especially after the latter confesses that he doesn’t care about the former, which seemed to really hurt him, but seeing someone he hates that much do something so selfless, means he decides to do the one decent thing in his life, while also being his last, getting MonoTV to execute him so the lift doors open and Levi could be saved.

That I think was the final straw which broke Teruko. She has had mounting pressure throughout the entire Chapter but then someone who was a coward, sacrificing himself so that someone else could live, is the final crushing proof as well as the knowledge that while she avoided making the same mistakes as before, she just wound up making new ones, that caused her to cry alone in the Trial Room.

We also get interesting character interactions with Teruko and MonoTV throughout the chapter. Since Teruko isolated herself so much from the others, MonoTV hires her to do maintenance around the Killing Game since he’s too incompetent to do it himself. As Monokumas were originally butler robots this would have never happened in the main series. We learn a far bit about MonoTV, that he is a simple robot designed for the Killing Game and he doesn’t have full knowledge on who’s running the thing as he was only programmed to do what his tasks enabled. And as Teruko pointed out, he is sadistic as Min was executed before she could say everything she wanted to and Ace’s execution was dragged out for as long as possible, in both cases it’s to make the victims feel the most despair. The other interesting thing is that Teruko can use Monocoins to get him to remove other characters who are bothering her which is the complete contrast to FTEs. What should we call them instead? Exclusion Zone Effects or EZE? Nah that doesn’t roll off the tongue.

In conclusion, I really liked how Teruko was handled in this Chapter due to how much of a cliffhanger the previous chapter left with her. This chapter did so much to knock her down for her high and mighty view and while she won’t be buddy-buddy come Chapter 3, I do believe that she will be more approachable to the cast. Teruko’s journey throughout this fanganronpa will be interesting to see and I see her opening up more about her past as she gets more comfortable with the cast.

Trust in Nature

Every Danganronpa game has two themes, no matter how you slice it. The first theme is the most obvious one and this is a theme that the protagonist and the mastermind have in common. For Trigger Happy Havoc its Hope vs. Despair, Goodbye Despair is Future vs. Past and Killing Harmony is Truth vs. Lies.

Some have said that it’s too early to call what the themes for Despair Time are, but I disagree as Chapter 2 imo is the ideal time to introduce your themes, and I think I’ve worked them out. The primary theme is one that doesn’t take much to deduce and others have caught onto it and that is Optimism vs. Cynicism. Teruko is a very cynical individual and doesn’t think she can trust others but more optimistic people disagree, saying being jaded makes you more open to being deceived. Eden and Charles, who are 100% the partners in this fanganronpa serving similar roles to Kaito and Maki in Killing Harmony where one represents the emotional connection and the other the logical one. Eden is always a bundle of sunshine and wanting everyone to be happy, but unlike someone like say Makoto, she isn’t oblivious to the fact the world is cruel but chooses to be kind regardless because its decent and it’s the most moral thing to do. Charles is more logical based and originally was quite cynical but having been shown kindness by Whit, he has opened up a bit more to some other people and while he definitely is a work in progress, he is more optimistic about surviving and escaping the Killing Game.

And this brings me to the Rival of the Fanganronpa; David. Bubbles didn’t like David surviving past Chapter 2, ignoring their own hatred for David aside because they didn’t think David contributed anything meaningful to the overall narrative of Despair Time. I disagree harshly as if I am right with the main themes of Despair Time, David is 100% a perfect Rival character as he represents those themes so well. The cynicism side is obvious as David believes that everyone is gonna die in the Killing Game and there is no point to continuing so might as well get it over and done with. This is why when David’s true nature was exposed, he tried to claim to be the killer, which is another typical rival tactic, so everyone votes for him and they all die. This very logic is why Teruko said she is not the culprit because as soon as David went on his tirade, it would have been an instant win condition for her. And as the game progresses more and more people are gonna want to live to prove David wrong and his mental sanity is probably gonna decline as a result until his Rival protection cause expires in Chapter 5 where he probably dies in a way to try and spite the cast. Going back to the Mastermind, I believe they think the Despair Time cast are all horrible people that deserve to die, whenever that be because they are Neo Remnants of Despair or something to do with Teruko, and as such use the Killing Game to kill them all. By the end of the fanganronpa, Teruko would have become more like a typical Danganronpa protagonist and be able to defy the mastermind wanting to kill her by showing the world is not a bleak place and people can change and improve.

That brings me nicely to the secondary themes. The primary themes are shared between the protagonist and the mastermind, whereas the secondary themes are shared between the group and the rival character. This take a bit more thinking to figure out but I think I’ve cracked what Despair Time’s secondary theme is. Trigger Happy Havoc’s is working together as a team as the class are trying to work together to survive the Killing Game while Byakuya is trying to play the Killing Game in order to “win” and isolates himself from the others. Goodbye Despair’s secondary theme is a deconstruction of the idea of talent as despite being Ultimates, Class 77-B doesn’t really care about their talents and support each other for their own individual characteristics and despite Hajime being revealed to be a Reserve Course Student, are extremely accepting of him. Nagito by contrast believes Hope’s Peak talented and talentless system is gospel, praises his fellow Ultimates for their talents which they do not want to be reminded by and is extremely cruel to Hajime when he finds out he is a talentless person who thinks he can mingle with his idea of the elite. Killing Harmony’s secondary theme is wanting to remain stagnant and compliant as the V3 Cast are very content to stick to the status quo and carry on with their lives, whereas Kokichi would rather shake things up and challenge said status quo. All of these secondary themes are very important to the story. And with that I believe Despair Time’s secondary theme is if humanity is inherently good or evil.

That seems very similar to Optimism vs. Cynicism but it isn’t. This theme tackles if humans are capable of changing their nature or if they are always either good or evil. From this it’s very easy to see where David lies, he believes humanity cannot change their nature, people are either saints or scum. If someone can “change themselves” it’s because they were never that bad to begin with, whereas truly evil people cannot change. And Teruko also seems to agree on this concept because whenever Eden says she is a good person, Teruko tells her to stop as by saying that, she makes her feel worse for the fact she can change but she hasn’t made the effort to do so. Teruko always believed she was scum and would die like scum if she cared about nobody around her.

Naturally this chapter has a few characters who challenge this rule big time. Let’s start with Levi, the guy has always seemed chill but we get to see more of a scary side to him when he threatens to kill Ace if he doesn’t stop being an arsehole. We also have an interesting opening discussion with him and Eden where Levi confesses that he doesn’t see himself as a good person, contrary to what Eden thinks. This all gets revealed in the Class Trial when Levi admits that he doesn’t possess empathy and therefore cannot care about anyone around him, the fact he’s killed 4 people, one of whom being his own father and yet he treats it with the same disinterest as one would swat a fly, is very telling.

Fans were quick to diagnose Levi with Antisocial Personality Disorder, and this is where DT Dev actually impressed me big time. This disorder is one of the most maligned within society, even more so in my opinion then those on the autistic spectrum. The reason being is simple, almost every single time a fictional character is revealed to have this disorder they are almost always a psychopathic villain who kills everyone around them and gives zero shits. To say how damaging this stereotype is unbelievable and Levi is frankly the most realistic portrayal of someone with this disorder. Yes, Levi doesn’t have empathy, or a very low level of it, but he still tries to be a good person not because of morals and emotions, but more so out of a sense of duty, especially as before Levi revealed it nobody suspected a thing due to Levi not behaving like the usual stereotypes. He isn’t very good at it because he's trying to figure out how to be a good person which isn’t easy when it’s not instinct. When Ace asked if he cared about him at all and Levi responded with flat no, while Ace screamed at Levi in his usual manner, it’s clear the jockey was hurt by this reveal as a small part of him wanted to consider Levi a friend.

So, for Levi to then shield Teruko with his body from the gatling gun, not only comes as a massive shock but I believe this is Levi’s attempts of trying to prove he is a good person. Chances are, he wasn’t happy with how he handled the situation with Ace and wanted to prove something to him, so that’s why he protected Teruko, not only because thinking about it, Levi was probably one of the few characters who could survive that, but to try and redeem himself from how he mishandled the situation with Ace. And the effects of this are very clear as Ace, who was trying to prolong his death as much as possible, upon realising the only way to save Levi is for him to die, demands MonoTV to execute him. If someone without a clear concept of empathy can be a good person, then isn’t that proof humans can change?

Arei is another character who also wants to believe she can change. After she decides to become a good person, the bowler saves Eden from being threatened by Arturo and then later that night confronts David about the fact she knows he’s full of shit. We heard some of this originally from Ace who overheard the conversation, but when David is thinking about what to say to Eden, we hear the other half where Arei says she’s glad David is horrible because it means there is no such thing as a pure good person. That even someone like Eden might have done something nasty and if he’s so deprived then there’s hope left for her. She even offers a hand of friendship to David because she thinks they are one and the same, and they can improve their behaviour together. The fact David remembers this means the conversation had a meaningful impact on him, even though he doesn’t show it. What Arei is showing is clear existentialism or optimistic nihilism. Nihilism which I’m sure 75% of people reading this believe in, is where you believe nothing in the world matters because it’s all meaningless. Optimistic nihilism by contrast is saying that yes nothing matters, but that’s okay because you have the power to decide what is most important. Arei clearly believes there is no such thing as a pure good person, but what she can be is a slightly less shitty person then she was before.

And finally, there’s Ace. Ace’s motive for killing Arei is the fact he is scared of death, and that if he didn’t kill someone, then he would be killed. His reason for targeting Arei was simply coincidence, his original target was Eden but upon learning of Arei’s desire to change, decided to exploit that to target her. Ace also demonstrates a level of intelligence we haven’t seen from him before given that he was able to memorise how Nico tried to kill him, replicate that method, overpower Arei with a method unique to him and since everyone thinks Ace is dumb, he was able to pull the wool over their eyes and he could have damn well gotten away with it, especially with David’s stunt making so many convinced he was the one who killed Arei. Goes to show that people are not as stupid as you think. He gets chewed out big time by Teruko who calls him a coward, his motive is dumb and that Arei didn’t deserve to die because of that. However, even when facing death there is still a chance for character development and that comes when Levi eats a rain of bullets. Not only does this change Ace’s opinion on Levi considering he hated his guts before, but he gives Arturo a well-deserved callout who claims he doesn’t know how to treat Levi’s wounds because of his mix-maxed medical skills, but Ace calls him a coward saying as a surgeon he should know the basics and apply that skill to save Levi’s life or at least keep him alive as he gets executed. And yes, despite being as scared as possible for his death, he accepts it as it’s the only way to save Levi as the lift doors won’t open until he is executed.

Onto Ace’s execution I was pleasantly surprised as I have seen somewhere on YouTube an Ultimate Jockey Execution where the horses are used to tear the victim up, and I would have complained MASSIVELY if Ace went down a similar route. But no, the execution is more tailored to Ace’s fear of death by him escaping horror scenario after horror scenario, no wonder Veronika was orgasming over it, until when facing an execution squad, they shoot confetti and Ace suffers a heart attack and dies from fear. This is actually a real way people can die as during the 1970s, there was a string of cases where Hmong refugees would die from heart attacks in their sleep despite being healthy and middle-aged. Doctors at the time concluded that they were suffering nightmares so bad it would cause heart attacks and kill them in their sleep, and if this sounds familiar to you, it should as it was one of the inspirations behind A Nightmare on Elm Street. There’s a reason you shouldn’t scare someone with heart problems and while Ace might not have any heart issues, he has been suffering a lot of stress which could have made his heart rate dodgy and then the execution delivered.

These themes are extremely heavy hitting and I’m glad Despair Time is covering them. I could be wrong about them but that’s my theory on what they are.

Murderer Among Us

And finally, my last big positive about Despair Time’s Chapter 2 is the fact we not only get an attempted murder, with the plot twist the would-be victim would later become the culprit but the fact that this attempt didn’t succeed means the would-be murderer walks among the cast still and they have to deal with the consequences.

I have wanted this since Killing Harmony when Monokuma offered the tantalising prospect that if there are two blackeneds, only the first murder counts. So, when Korekiyo confesses to killing Tenko, the cast cannot vote for him because if he didn’t kill Angie, they would have got it wrong. I REALLY wanted it to be that Tenko was Angie’s killer, my logic being that Angie invited Tenko to her Talent Lab for a chat which got into a heated debate about how Angie was brainwashing Himiko and Tenko, who is quite hot-headed and doesn’t always think straight, accidently killed Angie in the heat of the moment. She would then either cover up her crime or someone else like the Mastermind would make the locked room mystery which the cast discovered and when Kiyo announces he is gonna do a séance, Tenko grows worried as if the séance is a success, Angie would reveal the culprit so Tenko offered to become the vessel which led to her death. You could also argue that maybe she sensed Korekiyo was up to something and did it to protect Himiko. Either way that would make for an interesting Chapter 4 because tensions between Korekiyo and Himiko would be high, but of course Kodaka doesn’t do anything with that and as a result we end up with 4 deaths, and 2 ruined chapters.

No other fanganronpa tried anything like this as they were all not willing to commit so I thank Despair Time wholeheartedly for actually having the balls to do so. As Nico, being pushed to their limit by Ace’s tormenting of them, which is very similar to how they are ostracised for being non-binary, meant they tried to commit murder by hanging Ace on the fans, but they not only miscalculated the strength of the fans but Ace woke up from being knocked unconscious and struggled awake. Before Nico could try again, Teruko and Eden showed up, foiling any would be attempt. Not only did Nico try to commit murder, but they betrayed the trust of both Hu who was trying to protect them but also Rose as Nico stole Hu’s wire and Rose’s turpentine to use for their murder scheme. What’s interesting is they didn’t apologise because they not only were not sorry for trying to kill Ace but know an apology won’t cut it. J gave Nico a very harsh verdict that even though their attempt was foiled, the point is they still tried to commit murder and was willing to give up the lives of everyone here for their own, and betrayed the trust of those who reached out to them. Hu hasn’t had a very good time this chapter because two of her closest friends; David and Nico, turned out to be using her for their own schemes, and we see the consequences of her mother hen nature. I feel a major theme for Chapter 3 is gonna be forgiveness as both Nico and David have burnt a lot of bridges this chapter and the fact they still live, means they need to somehow get back into the good graces of the group. How they do this I don’t know; David probably would be fine being a pariah but I’m not sure if Nico is wanting to make amends. They might, but they might also think they went too far. I do hope that Nico tries, especially after they have seen that even people like Levi and Ace were willing to act selflessly. And who knows, maybe David might try but I think it would be a ruse, which will still work because this cast isn’t the brightest.

Does this mean Nico would be a survivor? I don’t know as I do believe between David and Nico, one will be a survivor and the other will die, probably as a victim but who I cannot tell as Chapter 3 would probably expand upon these two a bit more. Regardless I’m glad this is being touched upon and I for one am looking forward to see where it takes Nico.

And that’s all the positives I have to say about Chapter 2. Teruko had a good character arc, I like how we know the main themes, we know who presumably the partners and rival characters are, we have an attempted murderer walking among the cast, quite a few characters like Levi, Arei and Ace got moments to shine and the execution was well done. But it cannot be all sunshine and rainbows. As much as there is good, there is also bad so when we come back next time, I’m gonna talk about what didn’t go well for Chapter 2 and what DT Dev could do to improve things.

Until then, see ya! -Review Anon

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS VERSUS SONG Bloody Night Vol.Ⅲ Mini Drama “Carla VS Shin”

Original title: 録り下ろしミニドラマ「カルラＶＳシン」

Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS SONG Bloody Night Vol. III Mini Drama

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Morikawa Toshiyuki & Morikubo Shoutaro

Translator’s note: The Tsukinami brothers aren’t my go-to, so I wasn’t crazy about this CD, but I’m sure that all of you T bro stans will enjoy it. It takes place in the Dark Fate timeline, so the two of them are still keen on trying to ‘cleanse’ the MC. No cute fluffy moments in this one, just a lot of blood-sucking and Carla + Shin ganging up on you. :p

You try to head out of the manor. 

*Thud* 

Carla: …You, where are you going? 

Carla approaches you as you try to explain.

Carla: For a walk, you say? Such a blatant lie. You are not allowed to leave the manor without my permission.

You ask Carla if there is a reason why he needs you here.

Carla: If I need you for anything? Is that not obvious? Your cleansing. There is nothing else I could need from you.

You try to escape. 

*Rustle rustle* 

Carla: …You sure have some nerve to try to make a run for it when I am standing right in front of you. I thought I had taught you plenty of times that there is no way for you to escape this place, but I suppose I have not made myself clear enough just yet. Very well. I shall continue to do so until it finally sinks in. Come with me.

Carla drags you away. 

*Thud* 

Carla: Why are you looking at me like that? Are you frightened? ーー Now keep still. If you move, I will kill you.

You flinch.

Carla: Heh. Perfect. 

*Rustle* 

Carla: Did you not hear me when I told you to keep still? …Do not make a sound over every single little thing.

*Rustle* 

Carla: Is it a little easier for me to sink my fangs in your neck this way? I shall give to you momentarily. 

Carla bites you. 

*Gulp gulp* 

Carla: Hah…Per usual…

*Sluuuurp* 

Carla: …Your blood is still tainted…I must cleanse it sooner rather than later, or else we could be in trouble. …Ugh. 

*Rustle* 

Carla: Oi, woman. I did not give you permission to fight back. Do you not understand what will happen to you if you do?

*Rustle* 

Carla: You should always remember how easy it is for me to snap that slender neck of yours in two. 

He continues sucking your blood. 

*Sluuuurp* 

Carla: …Hah. Hmph. So you have finally stopped resisting? You should have done so from the very beginning. Good grief, you are such a handful. 

*Sluuuurp*

*Gulp gulp gulp* 

Carla: Mmh…Hah…

*Rustle* 

Carla: Stand. I did not give you permission to rest either. 

You remain on the floor.

Carla: ーー You should offer yourself to me exactly as I tell you to. I shall not take no as an answer. Hah…

*Rustle*

Carla: …Hm. 

*Thud*

Carla: Che…So she has lost consciousness? Humans are even more weak and fragile and I thought, getting knocked out over such a short cleansing session. Hah. Ridiculous. 

Carla walks away as Shin walks by shortly after, noticing you on the floor.

Shin: Huh? That is…

*TIMESKIP*

*Thud*

Shin: Che…She still won’t wake up after carrying her all the way over here, huh? God. Just how much of her blood did Nii-san drink? 

Oh well…If she refuses to wake up, there’s only way one to do so, right? …Hah!

Shin throws you into the bath tub.

*SPLASH*

*Splash splash* 

Shin: Oh? How boring. You woke up right away. ーーOr rather, no need to panic that much, I only gave you a bath.

*Splash*

Shin: Hm? This place? It’s the bathroom. Nii-san sucked your blood earlier, didn’t he? You were laying on the floor in the hallway, so I carried you here. 

You nod in understanding.

Shin: Anyway, I didn’t think I’d find myself alone with you in the bathroom a second time. But you know…the walls here are the most soundproof…and I can cover up your scent as well, so it’s the perfect place. 

You frown.

Shin: I fail to see how I’m being ‘horrible’. I’m cleaning you, so you should be thankful instead. ーー Or rather, I don’t like how your entire body smells of Nii-san right now. Hah. He even left marks on your skin…Ahー It pisses me off. Say, why don’t you strip down for a second?

You blink in surprise. 

Shin: Did you not hear me? I told you to take off your clothes, right here, right now. 

You ask him why.

Shin: Haah!? Because they’d get in the way while I’m trying to cleanse you, duh!? Che…If you refuse to take them off yourself…I’ll strip you down instead!

You try to make a run for it.

*Splash splash*

Shin: Oi! Why are you trying to get away!? …Che, you sure have some nerve to try and escape me! ーー Seems like you’re in need of a punishment, rather than a cleansing. 

He corners you.

*Thud*

*SPLASH*

Shin: Hah! You look like a hot mess! If you had just listened to me, you wouldn’t have ended up soaked wet. See!? 

*SPLASH*

Shin: Ugh…

*Splash*

Shin: So, how is it to have someone force your face down the water? Hard to breathe? Look at you coughing, poor thing.

You shiver.

Shin: …Haah? What’s the problem? You’ve been shaking like a leaf this whole time. Are you cold? I mean, I guess you’re drenched in cold water. Or are you perhaps shivering in fear?  Either way, I’m not letting you go just yet, remember that very well. 

He takes in your scent.

Shin: …I guess a little water isn’t enough to get rid of the scent. In that case, I suppose I have no other choice but to do it myself. …Say, show me…where Nii-san bit you.

You refuse. 

Shin: Don’t fight back…! Ugh…

*Splash splash* 

Shin: Che…I was going to actually have some mercy on you, but if you want to get the rough treatment that badly, your wish is my command. …Come on, get up on your feet! How long are you going to stay here crouched down!? Ughーー!

*SPLASH*

Shin: Ughー!

*RIIIIIIP*

Shin: Making me go through all this extra trouble…

Shin bites you.

*Sluuuurp*

Shin: ーー Hah! What are you screaming for? Did it really hurt that much just now? I guess it did. I’m making it painful on purpose after all. 

*Sluuuurp*

Shin: Nnh…Nn…Che…Your blood is as disgusting as ever…On top of that, your neck is covered in Nii-san’s mark, it’s making me gag. …Tsk. I’m more than capable of cleansing you myself without having to rely on Nii-san’s help! ーー Say, turn your back my way. I’ll suck from there next. 

You turn around.

Shin: Heh. Seems like Nii-san didn’t get to this place, as expected. I couldn’t have asked for more. 

Shin bites your back. 

*Sluuuurp*

Shin: Nn…Mmh…For the millionth time…Stop making a fuss. I need to make some progress here before Nii-san catches oーー

Carla approaches them.

Carla: You are making quite the fuss, Shin. 

Shin: …! Nii-san…!

Carla: What are you doing over there? 

Shin: Haha~ What do you mean? I’m cleansing her. I figured I’d lend you a hand.

Carla: Hooh. And you needed to put her in the bath for that?

Shin: Yeah. I figured that the water would help rinse off all dirt and speed up the cleansing procedure. 

Carla: Speed up the cleansing, you say? Heh. Sounds exactly like an excuse you would come up with. That being said, you appear to be quite flustered? 

Shin: …Good grief. Like you’re in any position to talk. You’re asking me all these questions, even though you’ve already got me figured out. It’s true that I want to aid in her cleansing…but you’re the last person I want to leave in charge of it.

Carla: Heh. Seems like you are no longer hiding your true intentions either. Cleansing her is my duty as the King of Founders. However…I suppose it is fine. I shall give you special permission to cleanse her alongside me tonight.

Shin: Hah. ‘Permission’, huh? Oh well, I guess I can roll with that for now. I understand, Nii-san. As you wish.

Carla: Hmph. 

Shin: You should rejoice. Nii-san and I will cleanse you together today. ーー Ah, don’t go fainting on us halfway through, okay? That’d be awfully dull. 

You frown.

Shin: Oh, also, don’t be having reckless thoughts about running away either. So, Nii-san, what should I do? 

Carla: Keep her restrained. 

Shin: Eeh? So I have to get inside the tub as well? 

Carla: Do you have an issue with that? 

Shin: Nah, not really. Yeah, yeah, just gotta get in, right? …There we go. 

*Splash* 

Shin: Ahー! Cold! …I get why you are shivering now. …Haha!

He approaches you. 

Shin: Gotcha. …Better behave, okay? …Nii-san, this should do, right? 

Carla: Yes. That will work just fine. ーー Oi, woman. Look over here. 

*Rustle*

Heh. You look rather pathetic right now. Now then, surrender your body to me. We are continuing your cleansing. I sunk my fangs into your neck earlier, did I not? In that case…Let me move a bit lower this time. 

*Rustle* 

Carla: Your heart is beating rather quickly. Almost as if it is begging for my fangs.

*Splash splash* 

Carla: Very well. I shall bite you over here. 

Carla bites you. 

*Sluuuurp*

*Gulp* 

Carla: Hah…

*Splash* 

Shin: ーー Woah there. Keep still. …Or rather, it’s up to you whether you want to move or not, but who knows what will happen if you make a bad move and Nii-san’s fangs stab you in the heart? 

Your face goes pale.

Shin: Ah…That’s not a bad expression you’re making right now. I can’t get enough of seeing your face twist in fear.

Carla: Nn…Hah…Oi, Shin. If you have the time to spout nonsense, at least make sure you are keeping her properly restrained. 

Shin: Yeah, yeah, I know.

Carla continues to suck your blood. 

*Sluuuurp*

*Gulp gulp*

Shin: Hehe. I mean, watching your face scrunch up in pain isn’t bad, but boredom’s starting to kick in.

Shin bites you as well. 

*Sluuuurp*

Shin: Nn…

Carla: Mm…Oi, Shin, what are you doing? I believe I told you to keep her pinned down? 

Shin: …Nnh, yeah, I know. I’m doing that, aren’t I? …But you know, I’m pretty sure that if both of us suck her blood, it’ll speed up the cleansing, so let me join in on the fun. Nn…

*Sluuuurp*

Carla: …Do as you please. However, do not make her faint. 

*Sluuuurp*

Shin: …Hah. Of course, I know that, Nii-san. 

*Sluuuurp*

Shin: Ah…Hah…

Carla: Hmph. ーー Oi, woman. Look at me. Hahn…

*Sluuuurp*

Carla: Hah…Who is the one bestowing pain upon you right now? 

You answer. 

Carla: Exactly. So do not dare react to anyone else’s fangs. 

Shin: Excuse me, Nii-san? You don’t have to go that far, do you? I’m right here as well, remember? 

You whimper.

Shin: What are you moaning for? Are you feeling good from both of us biting you?

You shake your head. 

Shin: You don’t sound very convincing while making an expression like that. I can’t believe you’re getting off from the pain…You might actually be insane. Hahaha!

Carla: Shin. Enough nonsense. Focus on the cleansing. 

Shin: Mmh. You’re right. Well then…Where to bite you next? Hah? This arm over here seems ideal. 

*Rustle* 

Shin: Ah, godー Why are wet clothes so difficult to take off? What a pain! 

*RIIIIP*

Shin: Aah, my bad! I accidentally clawed at it, tearing it apart. Although now it’s much easier to bite you.

*Sluuuurp*

Carla: I doubt switching up the place will alter the taste in any way. It will taste just as foul as always. 

*Sluuuurp*

Shin: …Hah. You’re right. 

*Splash* 

Shin: Hey, you. Why are you trying to take a break? 

Carla: Woman. Your cleansing has not ended yet. It is too early to rest.

Shin: Ahーah, it’s no use. She has fainted again. How many times has this happened today?

Carla: I suppose she did not last after all. Although that was to be expected

Shin: However, who knows when we’ll be done at this rate.

Carla: I do not mind. We simply have to keep on going until she is fully cleansed. 

Shin: Heh. I suppose you are right. 

Carla: Shin. Carry her to her bedroom. We will continue afterwards. 

Shin: Gotcha, Nii-san. 

*Splash splash*

Carla: Better brace yourself…for when you wake up again. 

Shin: Try to at least enjoy your dreams while they last. Hehe…Hahaha…Ahahaha!

ーー THE END ーー

[legolasghosty]

Hii! Could you do canon magical!Julie Juke angst with a happy ending? Please?

Hello!!! Sorry for the delay! I shall do my best!

Julie's magic was getting stronger.

Sure, Luke figured he was a bit more sensitive to the magnetic force that was Julie Molina than most, but he wasn't the only one to notice. Julie seeing ghosts wasn't new, though no one had realized that until just over a year ago, when Luke and his bandmates crashed into her life. But apparently she'd been seeing them for her whole life and simply never realized they were dead.

It made sense, at least the way Alex put it. Ghosts looked like they had when they were alive. There were plenty of strangely dressed people who hung out around Los Angeles, dead or alive. So unless she'd seen a ghost actively passing through a lifer or something, it wasn't surprising that she hadn't realized there were spirits of the dead lurking the streets. Luke still didn't fully get it, but it made sense.

Julie was magical, Luke had known that since the first day he'd known her. He couldn't seem to stay away from her, as if he were a moth and she was the last candle on earth. No matter what he did, he couldn't resist her. Not that he wanted to of course. Reggie and Alex had different ways of describing how Julie's magnetism felt to them, but it was equally strong. The four of them were connected by some unseen force that stemmed from the core of Julie Molina.

But it seemed that this attraction wasn't just for them anymore.

With Caleb gone, there were a lot more ghosts out wandering the streets of Hollywood these days. And many of them seemed to sense Julie, eyes finding her in crowds of lifers when the four of them, sometimes with Flynn or Willie as well, went downtown for a show or shopping. They'd all noticed it, Julie and Alex before the rest of them, but originally chalked it up to their defeat of the ghost magician who had trapped so many souls for decades.

But it continued, even as time distanced them from those horrible memories. Willie commented that some of the ghosts watching Julie weren't ones he'd ever seen at the HGC. And while most of the time the spirits didn't approach, weird things started happening.

A pair of ghosts passed Julie and Luke on the street, and a group of lifers walking past laughed at an overheard snatch of the spirits' conversation. An old friend of Willie's from the HGC had a much easier time lifting a pile of records when Julie entered the music shop behind the rest of her friends, his hands staying solid beneath them. Ray captured more orbs than usual during an outdoor photo shoot when Julie came to give him his lunch.

Julie's magic was getting stronger. It was giving other ghosts around her a stronger connection to the living world. Like she'd done from the beginning with Luke, Reggie, and Alex. And they were all getting used to it, but Luke... Okay, he wasn't too proud to say it.

Luke was jealous.

Because what he and Julie had, their connection, onstage and off, was special. What the band had was special. Julie brought them together, gave them a second and then a third chance at life. The music they made was awesome, and greatness was only a breath away, just waiting for Julie to finish school so they could start talking properly with managers.

But if other ghosts suddenly were feeling this connection with Julie... would they try to take her away from him? Would she want to go?

So yeah, Luke was jealous of the other spirits and the energy they received from Julie Molina, whether it was intentional or not.

But it was a secret.

"What'cha working on?" the angel in question asked, startling him out of his thoughts as she hopped over the couch to plop down next to him.

"Nothing," Luke said quickly, slamming his journal shut over the lyrics that had been forming under his pen.

Lines about losing a lover, a dream sucked away by others.

"Oh now I'm interested," Julie teased, grinning and shifting closer. "Tell me!"

"It's nothing," Luke insisted, holding the book away from her. "Just some random stuff, it's not anything good."

"Well let's see if we can't make something of it," Julie retorted, reaching for it, still with that smile on her face that made Luke's heart beat a little faster.

Luke leaned a bit too far, laughing, falling onto his side on the couch. Julie clambered on top of him, grabbing at the journal in his hands. Luke couldn't help but let her have it, not when she was giggling like that and her hair was falling loose in his face and her fingers were brushing over his arms in her attempts to get it.

"Hah, now was that so hard?" she joked, clambering off of him and flipping the journal open.

"Yeah," Luke responded, sitting up and giving the book a worried glance. He didn't want to freak her out.

Julie just hummed in response, her eyes flicking back and forth over the lines scrawled out in his terrible handwriting. She didn't speak for a full minute. Luke wanted to take it back, so she didn't see his jealousy, his fear of losing her. But there was no going back now.

Finally, Julie spoke. "Is this about me?"

Luke nodded. "Yeah, it is."

"Why?" she asked softly. "Why like this?"

"Because it's the truth," Luke sighed. "I know, it's dumb. I just..." He paused, finally looking up to meet her eyes. "You're a star, Julie. And for a while, it was just us, and you were our star, my star. But now..."

"Now I still am," Julie murmured, reaching out to rest her hand on his leg. "I'm not going anywhere, you know that."

"Why not?" Luke cried, suddenly unable to hold back. "You could work with any ghost, anywhere, you know you could! Why us? Why me?"

"Because you're you, Luke!" Julie exclaimed, grabbing his hand. "I don't want to make music with anyone else. No music is worth making, if we're not making it with you, that's what you said to me."

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts, Luke," Julie cut him off. "I know this whole ghost thing is weird, believe me, it scares me too, but I want to make music with you."

Luke pulled her into a hug as tears started to escape from her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding on tight.

"And what if I don't just want to make music with you?" Luke questioned softly.

Julie chuckled, the sound coming out muffled by Luke's shoulder. "I think I'd want that too."

Luke couldn't help the giddy smile that spread over his face, even despite the confusion that was their lives. Afterlives. Whatever. "So, this whole other ghosts thing has been bothering you too?" he asked after a minute.

"Yeah," she admitted. "I don't know what's going on."

"We'll figure it out," Luke promised, daring to press a feather-light kiss to the top of her curls. "Together."

Julie pulled back just enough to smile up at him. "I'm going to hold you to that," she murmured, just before she leaned up to brush her lips against his.

And maybe they didn't talk much about other ghosts that afternoon. Luke was pretty sure they were both okay with that.

[skamiikaze]

200 Hour Polish Update

*Caveat: I had been studying Polish since around 2020 using mostly traditional methods. If you look, I’ve been in this server for a while so I, in my infinite stupidity, was lazy and didn’t start doing a lot of immersion until this year (despite being pretty obsessed with learning Polish… ik weird ass logic). Which so far, has been 200 hours. Realistically, I don’t know how many hours my total progress indicates but ehh. Before this year my study has mostly just been reading about grammar and reading from textbooks.

What has my immersion consisted of?

watching videos on YouTube (without subs)

listening to podcasts

How much a day / how do I track?

      200 minutes a day (3.3 hrs). At the start I did 60 minutes (1 hr), and then I moved up to 100 minutes (1.6 hrs)

      I track everything with a pen and small notebook. I think it’s more satisfying (and easier for me) to track this way. It boosted my motivation to see pages fill up. I much prefer physical tracking to digital. Personal preference, this is neither good nor efficient so don’t do this lol.

What I’m glad I did / progress I made.

      I started off this year already with a decent level. I could understand basic conversations but sometimes I would have a hard time catching words I knew just because I hardly did any listening. 200 hrs later, I have no trouble at all with that. I can follow more complex lines of thought and discussions. I will say though, I still struggle with stories. I think if I focus on that type of media that will sort itself out. My main focus was just to get good at the subjects I enjoy. I don’t like TV / Movies / fiction at all, so I mostly avoided it. I started off the year with watching My Life as a Teenage Robot, Hilda, and a little Kid Cosmic (never finished it) but I didn’t really want to continue that since I was getting bored. Once I switched to videos and podcasts about subjects I enjoy (history, religion, politics) I found it much easier to go on for long periods of time.

      I now find it much easier to write / think in Polish. My writing is not that great still, but I feel like I’ve made progress. I plan to focus on output more in the future, but I think that I will focus on improving my writing after I start reading more. I need to see good examples of the written word before making serious attempts to replicate it.

      I did no look ups (with some exceptions but for the most part it was exceedingly rare, and when I did it was monolingual). I’m glad I made that choice. Before one of my main barriers to immersion was all of the Anki fiddling and sentence mining / look ups. I am someone who has a hard time getting in the habit of doing things, and a lot of that was a huge barrier to entry for me. I said screw it, and just sat down and watched stuff. Nothing more, nothing less. I think this is one of the best choices I’ve ever made. Besides the executive function matter, I think overall this was more beneficial than If I had managed to do Anki and look ups. I know myself, I would’ve poured over the nuances of a certain word out of context in a dictionary entry. Which in the grand scheme of things, is a massive waste of time. That time is much better spent engaging with content. The word’s I’m „ready to learn” will come to me so to speak. I strongly recommend this strategy. It’s a little uncomfortable at first, but in the long run it’s worth it.

What do I regret?

      Not starting sooner (duh). Seriously though, the main lesson I Learned was to not be so slow to change. I am a very change resistant person, I really struggle to change my routine / try something different. This really has shown me that just getting started is very very worth it. Even if the first few days suck.

      Trying to read books too early. I don’t know why I tried to do this. I don’t particularly enjoy reading in English, so I’m not sure why I tried to force myself to read in Polish, which is obviously harder. My reading era in Polish shall come someday, but I’m not going to try it until I can get into it in English first. If It’s a chore to do I won’t bother with it right now. One of my goals is to read Sienkiewicz but that’s a far off goal. I will let you all know when I get there.

Previous and current level (self assessed, take with a grain of salt)

2C/3 in refold terms (current)

Level of Understanding (before) A2-B1

Level of Output (before) terrible, I shudder at the thought

Level of Understanding (current) B2

Level of Output (current) B1, needs work of course…

Statistics

Start: Sat. Jan 7th

End: Tue. Apr 11th

Jan: 2061 min / 34.4 hrs Feb: 2149 min / 35.9 hrs Mar: 5220 min / 87 hrs Apr: 2459 min / 41 hrs

What now?

      I am going to take a temporary break from Polish to focus on Czech. I will be moving to Prague in the fall so I want to get a bit of a head start (even though I will be learning Czech there anyway as part of my degree program but I plan to use English as little as possible when I get there.) I want to do about 100 hours in Czech and then return to Polish (rather, incorporate both into my routine). Partly because I want to get through the beginner stages of Czech as quickly as possible (with minimal Polish interference) and partly because I want to see how my Polish will fair after a break. Will it improve? Get worse? Stay the same? Remains to be seen. I will provide an update after I do said 100 hours in Czech. The nature of that update again, remains to be seen.

A few words of likely generic advice...

      Don’t be hard on yourself. I know this is almost a cliché at this point, but being overly critical of myself stunted my progress. I was afraid to challenge myself out of fear that I was not ready / I wasn’t good enough.

      Don’t try to optimize everything. It’s impossible. You wont be able to keep perfect records of everything, you wont be able to track every second, you won’t be able to exactly know where you’re at level wise. It doesn’t matter where you are right now, just keep moving forward. Even if you aren’t that far now, if you keep moving you’ll be a lot further along than if you hadn’t moved at all.

Dziękuję serdecznie za uwagę! Czołem ;-)

[fuckmyclitcunt]

Human:

Why is existence so difficult?

When I was a child, I felt melancholic and shy, not anxious just shy people made me feel like I didn’t belong it never bothered me single handed though, not until I found out how pathetic the people who desired to isolate me operated as time went on. I loved my life but everything I enjoyed got put down and turned me into the laughing stock in elementary, still never bothered me- maybe I wasn’t aware? There are days I want to go back and hug that little girl and tell her there’s nothing wrong with her and she’s perfectly fine doing things on her own to her hearts content. Individuality was not something I could grasp as a child, but somehow I was able to curate it and remain tame and strong; that little girl was in touch with nature and she was wise she knew how to move and was the most generous and sympathetic character I’ve had the pleasure of knowing, although it most definitely got her put down. Being too nice is a real thing. When I got older I got more sensitive and started appealing to the spiritual world, I started masturbating at 11 years old hearing voices at 12, my mental was completely destroyed at 13 years old. I regret not being able to be a child. From 11-20 I was hella bipolar and emotionally abused by my parents mainly gaslit and degraded. I don’t want to become my parents. It’s so difficult to maintain connections with the toxins that float around in my brain, I love people and am not a harm to society more or so myself. I didn’t find a real fight until I was 21 I got into this raging spiritual debate with a nazi predator whom was trying to groom me, he was my friend from the past but when he showed me who he was it instilled this part of me that saw the world in many other aspects politics have never been my strong suit but Jesus Christ when I feel strongly about something and how unsafe I was I’m gonna fight and strive. I love myself. I use to tell this boy everything, he took all my energy I was drained/burnt out for a good year but the pain persisted for more than a year. It felt like I was having a continuous heart attack, chest pain 24/7 my heart hurt so much for reasons I couldn’t understand. Being a targeted individual makes me susceptible to other peoples projections, I’m not vulnerable anymore lol not after I got SA’d and cyber lobotomized. It sucks that this world can turn a lighthearted girl with so much faith and hope in humanity into one who craves supremacy and power to protect herself and others. I’m not happy with where I am, but in general I’m working on it and I’m getting better, this journey has not been easy and my oppressors don’t make it easier and I don’t think I care, I can’t conform to a society that subjects me to a specific group that I don’t even associate with, being an open minded person will be the death of me, but to become one of you snowflake bigots is problematic because I won’t be able to accept myself. I never was looking for approval I was looking for answers, and I found them and I’m not disappointed; being able to move forward is what I cherish in this society, if you ask you shall receive; this world is never going to be nice to you. I love you please never give up no matter how many more situations arise, life is war and I know what I’m fighting for. Thank you god for allowing me to make it to 23, and allowing me to heal the things that needed the most work. I try.

[ahfbhdfgdx]

Please | Diluc x f!reader (NSFW)

Summary: diluc tries out some aphrodisiacs on u <3

Warnings: Smut, aphrodisiacs, intoxication, slight dubcon, oral, unprotected sex (lmk if i forgot any!)

Note: First post! If you like my writing, requests for nsfw or sfw are greatly appreciated :)

"Are you sure this is going to work..?" Diluc peered into the little vial that Albedo had bestowed upon him. It was a little bit foggy in there, a light pink tone. "This little of an amount too?"

Albedo nodded in silence, then walked back to his desk. "I think you'll find it actually works quite well. If it doesn't, let me know." He sat down and straightened the loose papers that were strewn across the tabletop. Diluc simply nodded in thanks and scurried out, closing the door behind him.

-xxx-

The sun has long set, nearing about midnight. Diluc stood in the tavern among the last few patrons chugging down their drinks. He wiped glass after glass, occasionally checking the clock. When would you finally be here, he thought to himself, placing another glass away.

"Don't get so worked up over her, Di!" Kaeya laughed, words slurring a little. He was sat at the counter with Rosaria. The rain pounded heavily on roof of the building, sending Diluc into further panic, although he hid it well. Maybe you had gotten caught in the rain? You could catch pneumonia out there! He tossed the rag down and leaned on the counter to catch a breath.

Rosaria glanced at Kaeya, both of them equally intoxicated and giggly, and turned back to Diluc. "Yeah, why are you so tensed up about her? It's not like she needs to abide by tavern hours anyway, she'll get here when she gets here!" She shouted the last line a little, Diluc scoffing at the stupor of these two. The tavern was closing in only half an hour. He could leave it open just for the two of you, it would make it easier anyway.

Suddenly, the door whipped open, and there you were, squeezing out your hair outisde the door. Head to toe, you were dripping wet. The three last people in the tavern turned to look at you as you laughed sheepishly. "I missed the forecast," you shivered and came to the bar counter, leaning over to kiss Diluc on the cheek, much to the delight of Kaeya and Rosaria.

He tensed up looking at you. Even fresh out of the pouring rain and all disheveled, you were still the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. You had mentioned being ok with what he was going to do before, so he knew that he wasn't in the wrong, but the feeling of doing something so taboo got him going, especially with you standing right in front of him.

Glancing at the time, 12:30 am, he quickly ushered the drunken Kaeya and Rosaria out of the bar. "Shall I get you a towel to dry off?" He patted your soaked hair as he turned to the stairs. "Nonono," you laughed, "Drink first. Then towel."

He gulped. Now was the time he needed to do it, arousal and nerves swirling around his mind. "As you wish," He breathed out as he poured a glass of dandelion wine, your favourite. While his tall frame was turned against you, he carefully slid the vial out of his pocket, pouring it into the glass. It dissolved quite neatly, save a few sparks that flew out.

He picked up the drink, turning around and placing it hastily down in front of you. Giving him a weird look, you picked up the drink and looked at it for a good few seconds. Shit, I've been caught, he thought as he stared straight into your confused eyes. Shrugging, you took a swig of the wine.

Eyes widening, you looked up at his looming figure, "This is great! Did you put something in it?" You joked and giggled as you took another sip. His heart skipped a beat and shook his head. "I'll go get you that towel," Diluc started climbing the stairs, looking down over the railing to see you take another swig.

Looking down on the glass in front of you, your head started to feel a little floaty. Your wet skin started to feel a little warmer, maybe the warmth of the tavern was helping. That's all you thought, until you started feeling a pulsing feeling. Where's Diluc is all you thought as you took another short sip from the oh so delicious wine.

Diluc came back down the stairs, sneaking up behind you to place the towel over your now damp hair. Whipping around, you grabbed onto his waist and pulled him closer. "Diiiiiiluc.." You groaned into his stomach. "I'm so hot.. and so wet.." Your doe eyes looked up to him, gauging his response. His crimson red eyes looked back down on yours, starting to fill with lust.

He thought whether to just satisfy you now, or let you finish the substance he oh so intensely bargained for. "Don't you want to finish your drink?" In your foggy brain, anything Diluc says goes, so you nodded, still cuddled in his chest. He could get used to this, he thought as he gently grabbed the back of your head.

Bending down to whisper in your ear, "Would you some help with that?" You nodded again, turning your head to try and kiss him. "Yes please, Luc." That set a light inside of him as he picked up your spiked drink, pulling your head back a little. Moving the glass up to your lips, you parted them just enough to latch onto the glass, drinking it thirstily as he tilted the glass further and further, right till the very last drop.

As the wine went down your throat, you felt a sudden jolt of pleasure, moaning into Diluc's arms as he picked you up. It was as if any touch had you off the rails. As Diluc carried you up the steps to the third floor of the tavern, you peppered little kisses and nips all over his neck and cheek. "Where are we going..?" You breathed into his neck as he pushed the top floor door open with his hip.

Diluc placed you down carefully on the guest room bed, then stood back to admire the blank canvas in front of him. How beautiful you were lying there, moaning as you grabbed onto the bedsheets, a hungry expression on your face.

"Diluc, come here," you called out, shaking him out of his trance. He climbed onto the bed, positioning himself on top of you, pinning you down. "Yes, my dear?" He cooed, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on the corner of your lips. You in turn grabbed his collar a bit harsher than you meant to, staring straight into his moonlit eyes. "Fuck me, Diluc." You whispered just close enough for him to hear. "I need it. Please fuck me.." You trailed off, feeling him start to trail his mouth down your neck.

"As you wish," He smirked slightly, unbuttoning your shirt one by one. "You really want it that badly, darling?" You nodded your head vigorously in return, threading your hands in his red locks. "I need you Dilu-" You were cut off by the man biting your hard nipple. Moans escaped your mouth in a steady flow as he licked and sucked it, playing with the other in his hand. "M-More please!!" You cried as the spike really started to set in, causing an unsatiable fire inside of you.

"You're so greedy, you know that?" Diluc growled, pinching your nipple with his hot fingers, it felt like a zap in your system. "I did this to you and no one else," He continued as he bit at you more and more. "By the end of tonight, the only thing that'll still be in your mind is me.." Only half of it registered in your mind, but the sound of his low voice vibrating through your system is all you needed to remember.

"Repeat it, my love.." He raised his face to be inches away from you, slowly reaching his hand down your unbuttoned pants, "Only I can make you feel this way." He toyed his finger at your entrance as you gathered the words in your mind.

"Only you can make me-"

He shoved his fingers inside you deep in, finishing your sentence with a scream. "D-Diluc-!" You huffed out as he started pushing in and out fast, curling at your g-spot. "More! More-" You yelped, bucking your hips, pushing his fingers in further. "Oh you want more?" He licked your jaw, sucking at the rainwater still left over. "Almost.. There-" You prepared to have the orgasm of a lifetime but was stopped short by Diluc pulling his fingers out.

You whimpered as he raised himself back up to your level. You were so cute laying there quivering, he thought. "What do you desire, y/n?" He inquired, toying with your wet hair strands, your face now a mix of rainwater, sweat, and tears of joy. "Give it to me, DIluc," You pushed his head down, craving that sweet release that was stripped from you.

He scoffed at your selfishness as he pulled down you pants and underwear, as if he didn't do this to you. He'll make you understand the manners you need to use for him. His tongue slit against your throbbing clit, sending you back on the ride. as he dined on your clit, his hand found its way back to your sopping entrance, continuing the pace he was going at before.

Your sight was blurry as you looked down, all you could see was the shape of Diluc. Him and the stars that filled your vision. You've never felt like this before, each lick and suck he did felt like its own orgasm. Diluc's doing this. Diluc's the one making you feel like this. Only he can make you feel this way. The words he put in your mind were the only words left at all as he took your brain away piece by piece, he was all that was left.

"Diluc.. Diluc.. Diluc!!" You screamed as you got pushed to the very edge. Suddenly, as if he could tell you were about to fully become his, he pulled himself away again. Tears rolled down your pretty cheeks as you brought your hand down, needing to finish yourself but to no avail. "Tsk," He sat himself up, giving you his fingers to suck off.

"I'm afraid only I can make you cum, my dear.." He peeled your hand away from your clit, and you moaned in defiance, at least as much as you could with his fingers in your mouth. "But you made a vital mistake," He took his fingers out, trailing them gently down your waist. "You didn't say please."

"P-Please Diluc.." You choked out, taking extra time to remember the word please, all you could think of is Diluc. "There you go! Was it that hard?" He tucked your disheveled hair behind your ear as he unbuckled his pants, taking the pants and shirt off. "Now you'll get what you deserve, my love." You pulled his underwear down in a frenzy, positioning his hard cock right at your entrance to take the work off his hands. "Oh how kind you are, y/n, positioning my own cock for me." He smiled a rare gleam as he pushed himself into you, finally getting to moan.

"You're s-so beautiful, so perfect," He complimented you for every deep thrust he blessed you with, "And you're mine." He growled the last one as he sped up his pace. Your head lolled back and all you could see is red in your vision. Not that you were to notice, but all you've been doing is chanting his name as you bounced from his thrusts.

"You come when I come," he pushes the words out with great effort as his pushes got shakier. Your legs were already shaking violently from being edged like you had, and you nodded your head as best as you could. "Ready?" He called out as he thrusted the deepest he could go.

"3... 2... 1..." He came with a loud groan right in your ear as you cried out his name, clawing at his back to get as close as possible. He filled you up to the very brim, burying his head in the crook of your neck as he slowly thrusted, coming down from his high.

Your eyes stayed close as he took himself out, resting on top of you with his hands in your hair.

"I love you darling.." He whispered as he pulled the covers over the two of you, but to silent ears. "Y/n..?" He lifted himself slightly to get a better view of you. There was no way you were going to have any senses for a good day at least. He sighed into a smile, and cuddled up close.

[kvj-novels]

Senku x fem named!reader

Rating: this chapter is A for Adults (minors be warned)

Warnings: this fic has elements of smut and a mention of eating disorders THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN SOME CONTENT WITH THESE WARNINGS - check tags. 

Summary: Imogen has been awakened from petrification but she suffers from amnesia upon waking up. Senku and Taiju - her lover and childhood friend (respectively) before the petrification - must do their best to help her recall her past life.

Smut summary: soft sex, first time, no warnings but very NSFW.

Authors Note: I wanna start this off by saying I’m very proud of this piece. But I also want to say I’m sorry if some of the descriptions aren’t top tier as this is my first time writing smut. But I really hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did while writing it! ;) 

Chapter Seven - final chapter

“What are you two up to?” Senku’s voice echoed off the rock as he approached Taiju and I.  I sat up and smiled. “He’s telling me about awkward little me and the things I did.” “Oof, hopefully he’s not telling about awkward little me too.” “Only a little bit.” I winked.  He chuckled. “Hey, we should change those bandages back at the lookout. Can I steal her away, Taiju?” “Go a head. Do you need help walking down, Imogen?” “I can carry her if she does.” Senku said, taking my hand. “Thank you, Taiju. Let’s do this again tomorrow?” “I’ll come get after breakfast.” He said as we walked off.  “Phew, finally sneaking away.” Senku said.  “Did you get all your work done?” “Most of it. Right now we’re in the waiting process for it.” He said. “Hey, do you need help? I don’t want your feet to get more cut up with all these rocks.” “Well, I don’t need help, but wouldn’t mind not getting more cuts.” “Perfect. On my back it is then.” He said, squatting down. I hopped up onto his back and he carried me to the small hospital again.  “So, how did it go with Taiju?” “He told me a lot. Apparently his family adopted me because my parents went to jail. Taiju is technically my brother and not just a friend.” Senku went to work on my bandages as I told him some of the stories of my past. He intently listened while I spoke, rambling the stories out.  I noticed he was smirking at me and I stopped for second. “W-what?” “Nothing. I just...I mean you’re very...” he laughed at himself “you’re really cute when you go off about something interesting to you.” “Oh fuck off.” I laughed as I blushed.  He winked. “Don’t tempt me.” He said, finishing off the bandages. He crawled onto the bed top of me, planting a kiss to my neck.  I let out a soft moan, biting my lip.  He chuckled and got off the bed, sitting at my side to take off the small bandage on my head.  “Oh this one healed up nicely. I shouldn’t have to cover it again. Just a bit of tape to keep it together.” He cleaned it and put some tape over it.  I sat up when he was finished, sliding hand to the back his head and kissing him.  I felt his hand on my hip move up to my waist.  “Mm you’re gonna get me in trouble.” He whispered between kisses.  “Good.” I said with a smirk.  He winked and looked back towards the entrance. “Let’s take this to the bed shall we?” He got up, holding my hand to take me with him. I followed him to the room inside the tower. He shut the door to the hole and locked it.  “I’m definitely not getting interrupted this time.” He said with a smirk.  I licked my lips, and tugged the hem of my dress up, teasing him by dancing and swinging my hips to an unheard song. He took in the sight, smirk plastered to his lips and hunger in his eyes.  I winked and beaconed him closer with my finger. He took the floor in two strides and grabbed my ass as he stepped into my space.  I trailed a finger down his chest and grabbed the hem of his shirt when I reached the bottom. Pulling it up, he took the shirt by the collar and ripped it off over his head. I placed a kiss to his collar bone, and he let out a gentle gasp. I smiled and went up on my toes, my lips brushing his ear.  “Tell me, have we had sex in the past?” “No.” He whispered.  “Have you had sex at all?” I gently bit his ear lobe. “N-no.” He stuttered. “Have you?” “I can’t remember. First for both of us, what do you say?”  He shook his, turning to look at me. Placing an arm around my waist he kissed me deeply. Then without warning he pulled the rope belt off my waist and tugged the shirt down off my shoulders.  It feel to my feet. He took in the sight of my body, completely naked in front of him.  “Damn...”  “Your turn.” I winked. He kicked off his shoes and quickly tossed his pants aside. I came up behind him and kissed his shoulder blade, wrapping my arms around his waist and snaking a hand a little further down until I reached his erection.  He shuddered a bit when I took it in my hand.  “I don’t suppose you’ve made condoms yet?” I asked.  “Oof. Not yet.” He turned to face me. “Should we wait until I can?” I put a finger over his lips. “No.” I whispered. “Just pull out, okay?” He shook his head and I kissed him, reaching down for his dick again. He let out a moan and threw his head back a bit when I stroked the shaft. His dick was throbbing, I could feel it twitch in my hand. I went down to my knees and kissed the tip before taking it in my mouth.  He tangled a hand into my hair and I looked up to check if he was still okay.  He was watching with eager eyes so I took him further into my mouth before pulling it out to the tip and releasing it with a pop.  I winked before turning my full attention to eager cock in front of me. Taking it in my mouth again, I went as deep as I could, spurred on by Senku’s groan.  I held the base of his shaft with my hand and pleasured his cock, pushing it into my cheek, going all the way down, teasing the tip.  All the while he held my hair, tugging when he reached a high or coaxing me to go deeper.  When I focused on the tip he shuddered.  “W-wait, wait I’m gonna come.” He said. I took him out of mouth and smirked.  “Not yet.” I said. I hopped onto the bed and he followed me over.  “My turn,” he said, taking my knees and spreading them wide. He got to his knees on the floor and flicked his tongue at my clitoris, keeping his eyes on me. “Go for it.” I smirked. He pushed into my dripping lips. I threw my head back as he lapped at the warmth.  A moan escaped my lips and he got a little more comfortable, gripping my hips with one hand and slipping a finger into my pussy with the other. I rocked my hips up as he fingered my pussy and sucked at my cum. My clit found it’s way into his mouth and I bucked up. He chuckled, holding onto my ass and stimulating my clit with his tongue.  I groaned, “P-please,” a whimper fell out of lips and I moaned. He released my pussy and crawled onto the bed between my legs.  He lined up his dick and slammed it in as far as he could.  “Oh, fuck!” I cried out with a moan, gripping at his back and leaving scratches.  “S-sorry.” He whispered. “I got a bit excited.” I chuckled, “don’t be.” He started to thrust, slow and long at first, taking in every inch of my body with gentle kisses. I closed my eyes, rocking my hips to his thrusts and reaching up to grab his hair which had fallen down and was half covering his face.  “Faster.” I whispered. He obeyed and picked up his speed, the floor creaked with each rock of the bed. I moaned feeling my walls tighten. He let out a groan followed by a swear.  “Oh, fuck, Imogen.” His balls smacked into my ass as he continued, going harder with the rise of the climax.  “I-I’m close.” I whispered.  “Ffuck me too.”  “Pull out when you need to.”  He managed a little longer, enjoying the pace we maxed out at. I threw my head back into the blanket on the bed, my release came a moment later and Senku pulled out. He pushed my legs shut and slammed his cock between them, riding out his climax between my thighs.  His cum landed on my stomach and tits. He flopped onto the bed beside me and let out a content sigh.  “Holy fuck.” He breathed.  “That was fun,” I leaned over and kissed his cheek.  He smirked. “I agree.” “Where’s your shower? I’m gonna need to wash this off.” I laughed.  “Oops.” He said with a wink. “Fraid o don’t have any showers in here. We’ll have to run to the river quick. The only showers are in the village.” “You down for some skinny dipping then?” I sat up and grabbed his shirt that I was wearing.  He chuckled. “You bet.” He said, grabbing his pants and two towels. We carefully made our way through the forest to the river, it was much easier this time now that I had shoes too. We broke through the trees and I tossed my dress off.  “Catch me if you can!” I stuck my tongue out and ran towards the water.  “Hey-wha-thats not fair!” He said, hurrying to strip off his pants and run after me.  I kicked my shoes off by the water and ran into the river up to my hips. Senku caught up to me, grabbed me by the waist and spun me around.  We both fell into the water when he misstepped. I came up laughing and splashed him. he splashed back even harder. We both settled down after a fit of laughter. The water felt amazing during the mid day heat and I sunk into it up to my shoulders. Senku was smiling while he watched me.  “Hm?” 

He tossed his head to the right to sweep some hair out of his face. “I forgot that life with you is absolutely exhilarating.” He said with a grin.

********

Tag list: @viskafrer @bee-cakes @potatochic2003 @gxldenhunny @cheesey-fox @guijh103 Please DM me if you would like to be added to the tag list!

[ryvgvji]

Can you do the banning sex for 3 weeks thing with haikyuu characters tendou and anyone else🥰 please and thank you if you actually do it

yessir! i can! hope you enjoy

(apologies for any grammar errors. and sorry if this is sloppy. and the late answer 😅 <3)

✰ characters: Tendou Satori, Kuroo Tetsuro, Sawamura Daichi, Oikawa Tooru

✰ their reaction to being banned from sex for three weeks

Tendou Satori

Tendou, Tendou, Tendou

he probably, mostly likely end up in the situation because he thought it would be a good idea to play a prank on you

he thought the prank was harmless but you were ready to go to jail

you had went out for the day with your friends to get dolled up by them as a treat

they brought you to get hair, nails and makeup done. they even bought you some new clothes

now for you to come home and walk through your front door, you weren’t expecting to have water get dumped on your head

mouth agape you saw your red hair boyfriend peeping around the corner with his hand over his mouth doubled over laughing 

“what the actual fuck Tendou!!” you yelled at your boyfriend who was still laughing. your hair that you had just gotten done was now wet and so was your clothes as well as the bag of more clothes in your hands. not to mention the water was freezing cold. oh how you wanted to beat the living shit out of him. 

you placed the soaked bags down on the ground taking off your shoes placing on the shoe rack. you walk in the direction of your boyfriend who watched you as he wiped the tear from his eye. walking straight past him you shoved his arm that he tried to touch you with, continuing on your journey to the bathroom. once you got to the bathroom, you started striping from your clothes. as turn around you see Tendou leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets eyeing you up and down. as he reached out to touch you, you slapped his hand away. “don’t touch me.” you said sternly. “come on beautiful, don’t be like that please.” he whine. his reaches out again, wrapping his arms around you nuzzling his face in your neck.

you sighed unraveling his arms from around your waist. “no Tendou, i’m still mad at you. you got my clothes and hair wet. you don’t do that shit bruh.” you shake your head. “beautiful it was prank i’m sorry.” he sighed. you shrugged, “i don’t care. because of you little prank, you just earned yourself no sex.” you said nonchalant. you heard him choke. “what?” “yeah no sex, for three weeks.” he pouted. “babe, you know that i won’t last.” you sarcastically gasped at him. “oh no, what every shall we do.” you rolled your eyes. “that sounds like a you problem.” you laughed. you pushed him out the bathroom getting ready to shower. “bye~”

as the weeks went by, Tendou could feel himself slowly dying. with you constantly walking around the house in teasing wardrobes, you were making it very hard for him to function properly. he would would try and touch sometime while your not looking but you’d always catch him somehow. now that it was the final day of his punishment he decided that we was gonna make it up to you by taking you out on a nice, lovely date before bring you back home and having his way with you. once back in the comfort of your shared house, he dashes to the bedroom with you in his arms. “let me treat you right tonight beautiful.” 

Kuroo Tetsuro

let’s just say the when it comes to being a tease, Kuroo is your guy

you and him went out to a restaurant

the whole night Kuroo has been eyeing you like a predator would with their prey  

he coots his chair closer to you resting his hand atop of your thigh

just then the waiter comes to serve you 

he would trace circles over your skin, moving further and further up until he got to his most prized possession

he’d slyly massage you through the fabric of the clothing you were wearing as you spoke to the waiter, breathing a bit heavy

you accidentally out a moan when he slid your panties to the side dipping a finger inside of you. this made the waiter look at you with a confused expression

“i cant believe you did that.” you hissed at your boyfriend in the car. he had embarrassed you in front of the waiter that served you two at the restaurant. now your all hot and flustered and it’s all because of that handsome devil of a man that was seated in the drivers seat with his hand laid on your thigh. oh, two can definitely play that game.

when you two finally arrived at the house you waste no time on pushing over to the couch. you straddle his waist taking off the shirt that he wore along with your own before placing a heated kiss to his lips. his hands found themselves on your ass giving it light squeezes. pulling away, you reach up and undo your bra taking it off and throwing it somewhere. “damn..” he breathes out. you lean in sucking lightly on his neck, grazing your teeth over his pulse. he makes a low groan pulling you plush against him. you reach behind you for his hands as you whisper in his ear, “because you teased me at the restaurant, now you suffer babe.” you look him in the eyes. “no sex for three weeks.” you pecked his lips getting off his lap, picking up your clothes and walking away.

for the next week, Kuroo was losing his mind. he craved for you, all of you. he wanted to touch you, make love with you, show you who you belong to and that you were only his. and with your personality, you weren’t making it any easier. it killed him everytime you’d walk by and tease him by swaying your hips or make suggestive remarks. he was about to risk it all. as the last day of his punishment came to an end, once he got home from work he took a shower and immediately went to the bedroom to see you. although you were sleeping, that didn’t stop him. he would kiss up and down your body leaving love bites in his wake as well until you woke up. “your up. i think it’s time for you punishment now, gorgeous.”

Daichi Sawamura

you and Daichi were invite to a party that was being held by a close friend

at the party many games and drinks were being done

you’ve done everything from taking a shot to body shots with Daichi

to close down the night, the last game you played was beer pingpong

it was you against Daichi , and to make it more interesting you made a bet

“if i win this, i have something in mind for you.” you smirked picking up your last ball. Daichi smiles and crossed his arm, “what if you don’t?” “then i do whatever you want baby.” you say as you spoke a seductive tone towards your boyfriend.

aiming for the last cup on Daichi’s sides, you threw a ping pong ball. it bounced off the table into the cup. you wooed as everybody clapped and cheered. walking over to opposite side of the table where Daichi was, you wrapped your arms around his neck placed a light kiss to his lips. “prepare yourself baby,” you leaned in to whisper “no sex for three weeks.” you could have sworn that you could feel Daichi’s body tense up. you just smile before walking away from him.

as days went by, everything was fine. Daichi was really just chillin’, he wasn’t really fazed by it. he didn’t really care much for sex but there were times were he wanted to just pick you up and go to the bedroom. he had to keep his composure. after the second week, that’s when he started to yearn for you. he wouldn’t say anything to you but you could tell. so you teased him. in any possible way that you could think of. on the final day of this bet, Daichi seemed calm, chill if you would say. once night hits, he goes absolutely feral. he wants what’s his and he’s gonna have it. he will take care of you. “are you ready bambi?”

Oikawa Tooru

Oikawa having a flirtatious personality wasn’t a problem for you

BUT!

if it wasn’t direct towards you , you were ready to fight

at one of his volleyball games a group of girls came up to him saying how hot he was and how they would love to take him on a date

this of course got you a bit upset but you know your boyfriend wouldn’t do that to you

oh boy were you wrong

he had the audacity to flirt back and say “i would love to go on a date” and wink at them

you immediately walked over to them and dragged oikawa by his ear away from the girls

“are you dumb?” you questioned Oikawa. he was kinda taken back from the way you said it. he clutched his chest and looked at you with a supposed hurt expression. “well that isn’t a very nice way to talk to your boyfriend.” was this boy for real? you could almost fuck the boy up right now. “nice my ass.” you rolled your eyes and kissed your teeth. he chuckled. “your very funny y/n-chan and that’s why i love you.” he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you onto his lap. “you are fucking amazing lil cutie.” he leaned in and attempted to kiss you but before he could you put your hands to his lips. “nope,” you started. “since you wanna be flirting, you could go talk to wanna your hoes. cause i ain’t with it.” you got off his lap. “oh and before i forget, no sex for you for three weeks.” you say as you walk away somewhere in the house

Oikawa had no idea what to do. this was the first time that you’ve ever put him on punishment, well let’s real here, there has been a couple of times that you punished him before, but never like this. it’s never been this extreme. this was driving him mad. honestly, he has just been a horny bastard the entire time and he just could not keep his hands to himself. slapping your ass, kissing your neck, anything to get you to give in and let him have his way with you. but your not that easy. as the last day of punishment rolls around, he doesn’t wait. he can’t wait. immediately, your woken from your sleep by the feeling of someone kissing on your inner thighs. when you look down your greeted by dark brown eyes looking up at you. “now, now, i’ve been waiting, if not very patiently. so i believe that i earned myself a reward. so come here, you lil cutie.”

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

📽 📼LET’S (NOT) KEEP IT PG PART 3 📼 📽

Prompt: Drew and Y/N are reunited once again

Word count: Long!

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Reader

Warnings: +18, fluff (by the end), smut, vaginal sex, anal sex, fingering, oral sex (male and female receiving), 69, anal plug, dirty talking, trichophilia (hair kink - pulling), asphyxiation kink (breath play - chocking) in other words: just pure filth😈

Tagging: @jibbles26 , @akiko-tanaka , @blondekel77 , @theworldofotps , @new-zealand-chic

Notes: Originally this shouldn’t be up until March but you already know me: I have no self respect at all! In a conversation with the lovely Marissa aka MJ, aka @howdareyouhydra. She asked if I could come up with a part 2 and 3 for the original “Let’s (Not) Keep It PG”. Part 1 and 2 are already up (you can read it on my Masterlist) and this is the finale: part 3! I thought to myself: Go big or go home! So here’s the result of it! Also: I tried to keep it “as real as possible” SPECIALLY with the first time anal thing. I just want to put it out there that communication is KEY and HIGHLY important kiddos, so please before doing the dirty business find someone who will truly care about you and your wellbeing! Not only with their own pleasure, ok?!...Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊)You can check out my other stories on my Masterlist and my newest story as a fixed post. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

❤️Drewy❤️: I’ll be home in 20 minutes

I reread the message Drew sent me once more. Staring to feel the goosebumps all over my skin.

I was patiently waiting for him in the bedroom, dressed in a lavender mini circle skirt; nude underneath it, a white tulle crop top with my breasts bare and some sheer white medium length socks.

I listen to the sounds of Drew’s heavy footsteps upon the dark wooden stairs, that are now leading him to our bedroom.

The door swung open and an impatient Drew, dressed in a black dress shirt and pants comes in my direction.

“Finally!” He grunts, giving me a bear hug while inhaling deeply upon the nape of my neck “Argh, I missed ya so much. I missed your smell, your skin, your lips” He kisses me urgently.

“I missed you too baby, those two months without you were a literal hell” I close my grip tighter around his neck.

“I know, princess” He coos “But we’ll have one whole week to make up for lost time” Smiling he kissed me again

“How’s daddy’s little girl doing?” He whispered

“Lonely, without you,”

“We’ll fix that right away, love” He began to kiss my neck

“Daddy...I have a surprise for you” I smirked when he backed away to look at me

“Surprise?”

I nod “Yeah, while daddy was away I took the time to prepare myself so daddy can claim the one thing he hasn’t claimed yet”

I watch as all the blood from Drew’s face is drained in disbelief

“Did you really?” He breathlessly asked

“Yes, do you wanna see it daddy?” I deviously grinned

Drew just nods, completely speechless as I lean in all fours on top of the bed with my bottom facing him. He scooted closer and lift my skirt slowly up to my hips, moaning a long ‘fuck me’ in a thick accent when his eyes encounter the beautiful dark pink with a flower base, glass butt plug.

“Did you liked my surprise, daddy?” I smiled innocently, looking at him over my shoulder.

“Liked? Oh love, I hope you’re not planning to go somewhere tomorrow ‘cause I’m sure you won’t be able to even get up from the bed!” He caresses my butt cheeks “You’re so perfect, princess. So fucking perfect” He praised “Turn over and lay down for me, love”

Drew unbuttoned his dress shirt, eyes glued to mine. He slowly takes the shirt off, letting it slide through his arms until it reached the floor, followed by his pants and underwear.

He kneels down, dragging me closer to him. The movement made my skirt go up to my waist.

“I missed this sweet pussy” He let a glob of spit fall upon my clit so it would drip down to my entrance. Drew watched until his spit reached the bedsheet, only then leaning in to give me long, teasing licks until he focused on my clit and slid one finger in.

“You managed to get even tighter without daddy, love?” He added a second finger in “I can barely fit two fingers inside of you”

He moves his fingers at a slow pace as he incredibly softly sucks on my clit.

Low moans fell from my lips when he speeds the pace of his fingers and tongue

“Daddy, please” I beg

“What do you want, princess?”

“I want daddy’s cock on my mouth” I babble

Drew slowly removes his fingers, lay down on the bed and motions for me crawl to him.

“Straddle my face, baby” He says panting

As soon as he has his face between my thighs he pulls my core towards his face and I lean down to suck him off.

The bedroom soon filled with our muffled moans of pleasure. I can feel my orgasm reaching close, making me suck Drew even harder. He slides two fingers in, pumped twice and that was enough to make me reach my high. With Drew’s own orgasm followed by, once he feels my walls suck his fingers in.

I swallowed his seed, turning over to meet his blue eyes.

“Come here” He beckons me

I crawl to him, hovering his body. He rapidly pulled me up, so he could kiss me vigorously.

“Think you can take another round right now? ‘Cause I want that pussy AND that ass” He nibs my jaw

“I’ve been waiting two months for that. Ruin me, daddy” I smirked

“Oh princess, you should’ve chose wiser words” He laughs, entering my core in one swift motion and wasting no time to pound me roughly.

“Oh fuck” I moaned. The way the butt plug pushed my walls further to the front, made the whole pounding feel like it never felt before. The whole sensation was like being doubled penetrated.

Drew close his fingers around my neck, pressing it lightly as he kisses me, tossing his free arm around my waist to keep me in place.

“Did you missed daddy’s cock, princess?”

I nod lightly

He releases his grip on my neck to only keep my head in place by locking his thick fingers on top of my head, firmly gripping my hair.

“Did you missed the way how daddy’s cock stretches your pussy, love?”

I nod again

“I bet your vibrator can’t do that, can it?”

“No, daddy. Only you can” I whispered

“Argh” He growls and pounds me even harder “I love how your pussy feels around my cock baby” He pulls me down by my hair so his lips can whisper in my ear every kind of obscenity you can think off: how good I felt, how his cock missed me, how he couldn’t wait to fuck my ass...With every filthy word his accent grew thicker and thicker. Drew always knew that dirty talking was my weakness and also the fastest way to make me cum.

It didn’t take long for me to reach my second orgasm, he continued to pound me but this time it was softer, making the orgasm last longer.

Drew caresses my cheeks, whispering

“Are you ok?”

*Always so thoughtful* I thought

“I’ll be better once you fuck me in the ass” I giggled and he laughs

“There’s nothing that I want more right now than to fuck your ass, baby. But I don’t want to push ya too far...I don’t wanna hurt ya” He brushes my hair with his fingers

“Drew” I caress his beard “I love how much you care about my wellbeing, but trust me, tiger: You won’t hurt me and I’m still really turned on, so would you please, kindly, fuck me?” I bat my lashes

“You’re gonna kill me someday, woman” He grunts, carefully sliding out of me

“Where’s the lube?” He asks in a raspy voice

“Nightstand”

He got up from the bed and took the plastic bottle on his hand, leaning down to kiss me softly

“I love you Y/N”

“I love you too, Drewy”

He smiles fondly “Turn around, princess”

Drew squirted some of the lube on his length, carefully took out the glass plug and squirted more lube upon my hole, inserting one finger in and out

“Are you ready, love?”

“Drew, stop teasing me” I yelped

“So eager, aren’t you?” He laughs, positioning his cock’s head upon my hole, carefully entering me.

The feeling was...new, the fact that I took my time to prepare myself with the plugs undoubtedly helped, a lot! He entered easier than if I didn’t had, but at the same time Drew is thicker and bigger than the butt plug so the pressure was different. Not hurtful, just new. He was half way in when he stop it.

“Are you ok, baby?” He asks, drawing soothing circles with his palm on my back

“Yeah, it’s just different”

“Different good or different bad?”

“Different...weird” I laughed lightly

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No”

“Y/N, love. Talk to me, I need to know how you’re feeling” Worry surrounding his voice

“It doesn’t hurt or anything like that, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just that you’re bigger AND thicker than the plug, so it’s a new feeling that’s all. But not bad, you’ve got the green light Scotsman” I joke

“Ok” He chuckled “But if at anytime you feel like you wanna stop, you let me know ok?”

I nod

“I’m serious Y/N, at ANYTIME”

“Noted!” I mock him and gained a hard slap on my ass

Drew slowly moved until he was buried deep inside.

“Motherfucker” He faintly moaned and stayed still for what it felt like ages

“Drew, are you ok back there?” I mock “Aren’t you gonna move?” I ask

“Yeah, yeah, just give me a second” His voice breathless “I need to focus, because you feel too fucking good and I will be damned if I cum just now! So I just needed to breathe” He says and slowly started to move.

The once weird feeling became extremely erotic when he started to move. It was still different, but incredibly good.

“Daddy” I call

And look behind my shoulder to see Drew’s eyes glued to the sight of his cock going in and out of my ass and I could swear, I saw some drool escaping his lips. I’ve never seen him so turned on before and the vision woke up a primal part in me.

“Daddy” I call again, but this time louder

He awakens from his lust haze and stopped moving

“What’s wrong princess? Do ya want daddy to stop?”

“No” I whined “I want daddy to go faster”

“Faster? Are you sure?”

“Yes! Please daddy” My eyes pleaded to him

Drew circled one arm around my waist, pulling me up and out of my in all fours position so I could be kneeling down on the bed and started to increase his pace.

One arm around my waist, another vigorously gripping my hip and a fast pounding got me moaning loudly.

He started to bite my cheek, neck and jaw line, making me lift my arm up so I could bury my fingers on his dark hair, keeping his face glued to mine.

Drew releases his grip upon my hips to roam down and rub my clit.

“In, put it in, please” I babble incoherently but he (thankfully) understood

Entering my core with two fingers and roughly finger fucking me.

It was all too much and too good. His cock inside my hole, his fingers in my core, the biting, the moaning...it was all so dirty and lustful.

“I’m gonna need you to cum princess, Right now!” He mumbled

With two more thrusts I came the most eye rolling orgasm I’ve ever had in my life! I was coming down from my high, when I felt Drew pulling out and the hot spurts of his thick seed landing on my butt cheeks.

I collapse onto the bed, with Drew landing by my side a few seconds later, after cleaning us up.

“That was...beyond this world” I mumbled with my face pressed against the mattress

He laughed loudly before saying

“YOU are beyond this world!” He pulls me towards him like a rag doll, turning me over so I could lay on my back “Are you ok?”

“Drew, I’m fine! More than fine” I giggled

“Are you sure I wasn’t too rough?”

I lightly touch the frown between his eyebrows “You’re never too rough, you’re a perfect gentleman every single time” I pecked his lips

He shyly smiles, slightly blushing

“Thank you for the surprise. I really, really loved” He said and stared at me for a few minutes

“What?” I ask, feeling incredibly exposed due to his intense staring

“You’re so beautiful, on the outside undoubtedly! But on the inside as well. Just so beautiful...I can’t imagine my life without you” His voice is in pure awe

I never knew how to react whenever he said those sort of sweet and deep words to me, Drew was always the romantic one: expressing himself, talking about his feelings and wishes. Me? I was the complete opposite: shut down, didn’t like to show that many emotions, didn’t knew how to express my feelings. I was ‘the ice queen’ as he used to tease me ever since we’ve met. It took me precisely 2 YEARS to take the courage to finally say that I loved him, when he was able to do it after 2 months!

I didn’t knew how to reply to his beautiful, kind, loving words so I decided to deal with it, my way: Break the uncomfortableness with a joke

“Does that means my Voodoo dolls have worked then?” I narrowed my eyes “You got no choice but to stay with me forever, McIntyre” I chanted as if it was a spell

He laughs like a child, cups my cheeks and says

“I do have a choice, love! And I choose you, everyday! Today, tomorrow and forever! My one only gal” He winks and I blushed

Already thinking what other joke could I crack in order to break the spell he casted on me now...

Please let me know your thoughts on this? Feedback is always appreciated 🥰😘

[blu-joons]

When He Falls In Love With A Sunbae ~ Got7 Reaction

Mark:

Ever since the two of you announced your relationship you were often met with comments about your professional lives. To begin with, you tended to ignore them, but as time passed, it became more and more relentless.

“Have you seen some of these?” You asked Mark, passing your phone across for him to have a look. “Why are some people so hung up about the fact I’m your senior?”

His shoulders shrugged back at you, “we don’t let it bother us, so it shouldn’t bother any of the fans. I don’t care that you’re my senior, you know that don’t you?”

He pulled you down against his chest as you nodded. “It doesn’t bother me that you’re my junior either, I just wish that other people could see that.”

“Let’s not focus on it, it’s not what it is important right now.”

“We’re in a relationship, that’s all it is.”

Mark nodded in agreement, “you’re a senior, but you’re more importantly my love, and no comments will ever change that.”

“I know I shouldn’t let them bother me,” you frowned, “I can’t help it.”

“Just ignore them, and listen to me instead.”

JB:

His eyes looked around as soon as the interviewer mentioned your name and the relationship the two of you shared. You both were used to it, but it never made it an easier situation for either of you to handle.

“I respect her as my partner and my senior,” Jaebum responded, “I use it to my advantage and get a lot of support from her. She knows the business a lot better than I do.”

The interviewer nodded back at him, “does she ever remind you that you’re a junior? I’m sure your other members must tease you about your relationship a lot.”

Jinyoung’s head shook beside him, “we also love that Y/N is a senior, we make sure to treasure all the advice she has, and outside of work, we love having her as JB’s partner.”

“Do you ever find it hard to balance your professional and private life?”

“We know when to draw the line.”

The interviewer nodded back at him, “do you ever worry about the pressures of being a junior to Y/N at work?”

“She treats me well,” he grinned, “I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

“That’s a lovely thing to say.”

Jackson:

Your eyes raised across at him as he made a joke in his live about you. Straight away he knew he was in trouble by the way you looked at him, muttering to the fans as he knew he was about to get a scolding.

“Shall I remind you that you’re a hoobae?” You teased, poking your tongue out across at him. “You’re not supposed to speak about me so poorly, especially in front of fans.”

His shoulders shrugged, “I’m pretty sure there’s got to be an exception in that rule somewhere for girlfriends. I’d be a rubbish boyfriend if I didn’t tease you.”

Your head shook back at him, “did no one ever tell you that having a girlfriend who is also a sunbae requires you to be even more aware about how you speak to them.”

“You’ve made that up, there’s no way that would be an actual rule.”

“Do you want to try it and see?”

He shrunk down in his chair, “no, I guess I should apologise for being so rude to a sunbae, it will never happen again.”

“That’s much more like it,” you smiled, “you’re supposed to praise seniors.”

“I always praise you to the fans.”

Jinyoung:

His presence beside you caused you to stop what you were doing on your laptop as he walked over to you and placed a piece of paper down. You quickly picked it up to see lyrics scribbled down that he’d been working on.

“These look good,” you smiled once you’d finished reading through them all, “but why are you showing me? Aren’t you supposed to keep these things a secret until it’s released?”

His head shook back at you, “as my senior, I wanted you to look over them first and give me your opinion on them. I just wanted to know what you thought of them.”

Your eyes glared back across at him, “we’ve talked about this before, I don’t want to be your senior, one day you’ll learn to stop calling me that and speak to me properly.”

“But I love getting a reaction out of you, I know it winds you up.”

“You should respect your seniors them.”

He walked over, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I do respect you but enjoy winding you up a lot more than that.”

“You really are impossible sometimes,” you frowned, “what a terrible junior.”

“I’m the best junior, don’t lie to me.”

Youngjae:

You’d been unusually quiet for most of the night with Youngjae, each time he looked across at you he could tell that something was wrong, eventually asking you what the problem was as the two of you headed to bed.

“I feel like everyone is stuck on the fact I’m your sunbae,” you admitted, “it’s like people fail to realise that there’s so much more to the two of us than a senior and junior relationship.”

Youngjae laid down beside you, wrapping his arm around you, “we’ve never let it bother us before, so why now? It doesn’t phase me that you’re my sunbae, does it bother you?”

Your head shook back at him, “I just know what people are saying and it sucks. It makes me feel like sometimes you’re just going to leave one day.”

“Why would I ever dream of that? That’s never a reason to go.”

“Does it not bother you?”

Straight away, his head shook. “I love the fact you’re my sunbae, it means I always have someone to help me, it’s the best feeling.”

“You really mean that?” You sighed, resting yourself against his chest gently.

“Of course, from the bottom of my heart.”

BamBam:

You sighed yet again as you messed up reading through your script in front of BamBam. He struggled to hide the smile on his face each time you fluffed your lines, continuously reassuring you when things went wrong.

“I’m not supposed to be like this,” you huffed, throwing your script aside, “I’ve been doing this long enough to know how to say a few lines to the camera, it’s not even a big deal.”

Bambam nodded beside you, “you’re the senior you’re supposed to be the one with all of the experience, and yet every time I’ve read your script, I’ve got it done perfectly.”

You reached across to hit his arm lightly, “you’re supposed to be supporting me not making me feel worse. No one likes hoobaes who show off BamBam.”

“I’m just giving you a bit of encouragement as someone who looks up to you.”

“You could just do it for me?”

His head shook instantly, “let’s just keep going over it for a while, I’m sure that when it comes to the night, you’ll absolutely ace it.”

“It doesn’t feel like it right now,” you admitted, “I’m going to mess up.”

“No, you won’t, I’ll make sure you get it right.”

Yugyeom:

You felt your stomach drop as you sat to dinner with Yugyeom and his family, listening to how his aunt teased him repeatedly about the fact that you had ended up debuting a year before him, leaving him as your junior.

“It really makes no difference in our relationship,” you smiled once she’d finished talking, “we’re respectful of each other, our positions professionally make no difference to anything.”

Her expression dropped, “but don’t you think you’re the one who holds all the power as his senior, Yugyeom’s the man, he should be the senior who guides you instead.”

Your head shook as you felt Yugyeom’s hand slide into yours, “I never treat him as a junior, and I don’t want him to treat me as a senior, it’s unimportant to us.”

“We support each other, that’s what matters right now.”

“You really think so?”

Your head nodded, glancing across at Yugyeom who was still silent. “I’m proud of him, regardless of when he debuted, he’s just as successful as me.”

“She’s successful too though,” he finally spoke, “she’s good at what she does.”

“We’re both good, that’s what makes this team work.”

---

Masterlist

[di-kut]

Fairy Dust

Pairing: Fem Reader x Ezra (Prospect) 

Word Count: 16k i kNOW

Rating: MA (Extremely explicit sex scenes I don’t know what else to tell ya)

Summary: While collecting rare gems on an unpopular prospecting planet you are both infected with a sex pollen. (Porn with a mild attempt at plot?) 

Warnings: Ok saddle up boys here we go Dirty talk, oral sex (m/f receiving), sex pollen, elements of dub con implied (although they do not do the do while under the influence!), non-established dom/sub dynamic, masturbation, orgasm denial, pharmaceutical drug use, saliva/cum play, nipple play, breath play, overstimulation (sorta), multiple orgasms, vaginal fingering, clit slapping, unprotected sex, pleading, general kind of explicit sexual things 

A/N: This is 29 A4 pages of absolute porn. I really can’t make a single excuse for this. As always this started as something much smaller and got way WAY out of hand. There is lots of yearning and pining in this for a sex pollen fic, and also lots of sex so there’s that. Um pls be kind to me? 

The ground is soggy from the downpour. Your boots sink into the mud and stick. It’s hard going to climb out of the valley, even now, long after the rain has ended. You hike your case higher against you, have to pause and flex your hold around it. Heavy with a cargo which has made the whole descent worth every sodden footstep and fighting against the rain. A rare aquatic gem encased in a bloom which only surfaced during complete submersion. A field of water flowers, nothing but green swaying grass under the sun, suddenly appearing after the rain flooded the valley. The whole planet covered in flora which changed with the weather, almost terraformed with the climate.

The hill is steep, green except for the worn path of mud you had tracked into the grass on the way down it. The peak is near now, grass swaying lazily against a brilliant blue sky. The pod is over the rise, down in the next valley. You dig your feet into the sliding earth, feel it try to pull you back down the hill and into the gorge below, still filled with crystalline pools of clear water. No longer glistening with the purple heads of the gems, those are stowed in your cases. Enough to set you up for months. A year maybe. Rare enough that they will fetch a high price, high enough to have a holiday even. You smile at the thought, forget to check your steps and you shift your weight onto a patch of sliding mud. You stagger, yell, nearly drop. The earth beneath you keeps shifting down, pulls you with it. A hand catches your elbow, stops you from your inevitable fall back down the hill.

“Are you alright, Starlight?”

Ezra’s voice sounds distant through the earpiece. Crackles with static. Your heart is pounding, you can feel it sitting at the back of your throat. You twist your helmet around far enough to look at him and nod. He helps you right yourself, lets you hold onto his arm until you get your balance again.

You continue your climb. The hill wants to slide out from beneath you. Every footstep less steady than the last as you reach the top, the landscape more battered by the rain so close to the peak of the hill. But you don’t slip again, and Ezra is steady on his feet behind you. When you crest the top of the peak the sun emerges from the clouds still curled around the horizon, a halo of threatening grey, the cracking of thunder just audible, carried over the endless lulls of valleys and peaks. A surface of craters – each one filled with a forest, or a lake, or a jungle, on and on, disappearing into the distance. The storm seems far away, but the planet is not just unpopular for prospecting because the gems are hard to find. The weather systems fluctuate quickly, and change can happen in minutes. You eye the clouds with distrust, even as the valleys all around you are bathed in golden afternoon light.

Your breathing bounces around between your headsets, the echo of your own breathing reverberating back to you through the Ezra’s mouthpiece. He stops beside you, balances his case between his feet and sighs. Puts his hands on his hips and stares out with you. A beautiful planet, really, if you can forget the threat of the weather.

“One certainly does crave for the smell of dampened soil.”

“Ezra…” You warn.

“The atmosphere is perfectly breathable, I checked multiple times.”

“Don’t – ”

But he is lifting his arm and releasing the helmet. Movements sure and easy with his only remaining hand. He had been clumsy at it still, when you had first met him, just months after he had lost his right arm. But he no longer avoids your offers for help – doesn’t need them. He holds his helmet against his cocked hip and makes a show of sucking in a long breath. Turn his head to peer at you from the corner of his eye.

You sigh. “It might not be safe.”

“You shall have to take your helmet off, Starlight, without the assistance of our earpieces I cannot hear you.”

“I know you can hear me,” you mutter.

He chuckles at you and the sound curls the familiar sensation of tingling deep in the pit of your stomach. Ezra lets his eyes slip closed, a light breeze ruffling his hair, pushing it up and away from his face. Without the helmet you can see the shape of his profile, strong against the distant clouds. Skin glowing golden in the sunlight, blond streak almost white. You study the lines of his brow, the hook of his nose. Give yourself this moment while he is distracted to commit this memory of him to the same place you keep all precious memories of Ezra. Secret and deep. Almost let yourself think for a moment what it would be like if you took your helmet off too, if you gave in to him. But his eyes are fluttering open and you turn away.

You start the trek back down the other side of the slope. The pod is within sight now, nestled in against the tree line, facing out over a sodden field. Ezra is laughing at you, at your stubbornness. He calls something teasing you ignore, do not let the flood of colour rush to your cheeks. Concentrate on the squelching of your boots through the mud, and the sounds of his joining you as well, never far behind.

His voice marks a constant melody behind you, a soothing sound after almost two years. It’s deep and clear without the static of the helmet to interfere, rings out around you as he chatters. Content mostly just for you to listen, as he always is. The way down is easier than the way up had been, not so steep as the other side of the hill. Your case is heavy enough that you have to lean against its weight at steeper parts. The gloves of your suit are covered in mud from the extraction, so are the knees and fronts of your legs. You are glad a second trip won’t be required to make the journey worthwhile. Glad you will be able to wait out the departure safe from the rain and the storms from the inside of the pod. You glimpse at Ezra, can’t help the fond smile you don’t let him see. Think he was made for this, really, to be always exploring under the shine of the sun.

“We shouldn’t stay out here too long, Ezra.”

He has stopped at the base of one of the trees. Almost fifty metres from the pod. It’s not a tall tree, only Ezra’s height twice again, but its trunk is thick, broad enough that if you stood on either side of it your hands would not touch his. The bark is a smooth grey, covered over with glistening moss, still wet from the downpour. He’s close to it, staring up at something in the canopy above. His helmet pressed between his arm and his hip, the case hanging from his hand below. Small droplets of water occasionally fall from shuddering leaves, catch the light as the drop, the air filled with gems all around him.

“The flora of this planet truly renders one speechless.” He ignores your warning. “A blossoming kaleidoscopic gallery which changes with the weather.”

He places his case on the ground, then his helmet. Tilts his head at you to come closer. You step towards him, close the distance between you with sticky steps. He points up at something, whatever had caught his attention. You stop next to him and turn to see it. The canopy is not far above your heads, a dark leafy green shade from the blue of the sky. Drooping under the weight of the rainfall. Nestled in the green there are buds, yellow and small. They are what has captured Ezra, flowers unopened. Invisible when you had passed through hours before on your way from the pod, but now under the bloom of the sun they are opening. You stand together, shoulder to shoulder under the leaves, watching as dozens, hundreds of them appear above you. More of the local plants which change with the weather, just like your gems. Hidden away, something secret and magical. You can’t deny him this, this little piece of wonder in such a cruel world. Couldn’t deny him anything, not really. You will never tell him that, because the world is cruel, and has been cruel to you both. And you trust him. Know you will never find another partner like him. So it stays within you, locked away, with the little pieces of happiness you find with him. His smile, face turned towards the sun.

He’s watching you, when you turn. His skin golden in the sunlight. Magical himself. And then the blossoms open above you, not flowers after all. Petal-less buds which release a floating snow of yellow pollen which drifts through the air. Settles against his shoulders and into his hair. His smile is soft, changes when you catch his eye. He lifts his hand and knocks his fist  gently against your helmet.

“Rather like fairy dust,” he says quietly. Pinches some of it from where it’s settled on your suit and holds it up between you. Blows it away. The pollen in the air between you comes to life, from a drifting snow to a dance, twisting and writhing through the air on his breath. “Do you think it would heal our wounds, Starlight? Bless the paint which brushes our lives with luck as well?” His eyes glimmer, playfully conspiratorial. Drawing you in towards him, in the way Ezra has of making you feel a part of something. A confidant. “Shall we bottle some, do you think?”

“We’d need a lot.”

He laughs. “That we would.” He closes his eyes and inhales. Exhales. Makes the yellow clouds of pollen chase each other through the air. “The aroma is divine. You ought to smell it.”

You sigh. “Just because the atmosphere is breathable…”

“The helmets were merely to protect our persons from the deluge and keep us from discomfort.” He hikes his own helmet up on his hip as if to demonstrate. “I have not come to harm from the removal of my own.”

“Yet.”

You fidget for a moment, think about saying no. But you can’t, not when he is smiling at you like that, like maybe if you remove the helmet you can make him happy. Like you are someone important. He doesn’t hide his emotions like you, he wears them open and honest on his face and in his eyes. A trait so at odds with his profession. You think he might want you, sometimes, when he looks at you like this. But know him well enough to know he is a wanderer, and that craving your body, after weeks alone in space, is very different to wanting you forever. The way you might know you want him, if you would ever let yourself think about it.

So you place your case carefully between your feet as well and lift your hands to your helmet. It releases with a soft hiss of the pressure and a click and you pull it away. The air is cool and sharp. The soil smells of rain. Ezra is right. The smell of the pollen is incredible. Sweet and sharp and bright. Unlike anything you’ve ever smelt before. Intoxicating, almost. Even more after the staleness of the air in your helmet and in your pod. You can smell him as well, a more familiar smell through the pollen. His eyes are catching the sunlight, the brown shifting between shade and light, sometimes golden sometimes orange and sometimes almost black. More beautiful than the trees and the dancing yellow pollen and the gems in your cases.

“Wonders of the universe, hey?” Ezra murmurs. He’s studying your eyes as intensely as you are studying his.

You throat closes a little. He leans towards you and you shrug away from him. Turn your head to hide your blush. “We should get back to the pod.”

You pick up your helmet in one hand and your case in the other. Ezra is quiet the rest of the walk. Your hair becomes coated with a fine yellow dust, your eyelashes, the tip of your nose. It lands on your shoulders and sticks to the mud on your suit. You feel the gnawing of guilt in your stomach, know you were too quick to turn. Too sharp with him. You turn back several times, get so far as opening your mouth to apologise. But he is staring at the ground beneath his feet, brows furrowed. As he has been other times when you have broken away too soon, when there has been a moment building between you. Only for you to shut it down. Close yourself off.

The pod is cool inside. You brush off the worst of the pollen outside it in silence. Awful, unfamiliar silence. Step inside and remove your suits without a word. But the tension breaks when you giggle at the cloud of yellow which puffs into the air when Ezra shakes his head. He laughs with you, and you settle back into normal, fall into your easy routine. Ezra stores the gems away while you pack the suits, try to get the worst of the pollen off them by shaking them out the door. Pack them away. Dinner; protein bars and supplements and flasks of water. Ezra has a field guide up for the planet, is flicking through the local flora and telling you anything which catches his fancy, reads out descriptions with a melody they do not deserve. It lulls you, makes your stomach turn more than normal. You catch his eyes resting on your face or your body several times before he looks away. It makes your skin break out in goosebumps.

“Ah look,” he says, kicks his feet up onto the bunk. You are still wearing your undersuit, a thick warm lining, but Ezra has shucked his, is wearing only his compression clothing. Your eyes linger where his shirt has ridden up and reveals a sliver of skin over his hipbone. “Our magical tree outside. Not a remnant of some fairy civilisation I’m afraid, and rather well documented.”

You hum encouragingly, distracted.

“Wide trunk… short height… a wider family of flowering trees which covers the planet’s surface. Names after a botanist… species is known for its pink flowers – ”

“It’s flowers weren’t pink.”

“Let me finish, if you would be so kind. Known for its pink flower which do not pollinate, as the pollen is enclosed in a separate yellow bract rather than the sepals of the petals. The pollen is of renown – maybe we should have bottled it – due to its – ”

He cuts himself off. You are fiddling with the zip of your undersuit, still staring at the gap between his shirt and pants. It takes several long moments of silence for you to be able to draw your gaze away from his skin and up to his face. “Renown due to?”

He is gone pale. Stares blankly at his screen.

“Ezra?” You straighten. “Ezra, what’s wrong? The pollen, what is it?”

He doesn’t say anything.

“Is it poisonous?” You are oddly calm. Start running an inventory of the contents of your med kit, try to remember how long since you’d been exposed to it. “Ezra, are we in danger?”

“No,” he croaks. “It’s not poisonous.”

You deflate back against your bunk. Throw an empty protein bar packet in his direction and huff. Want to kick him in his shin for the dramatics. “You scared me. Don’t – ”

“It’s an aphrodisiac.”

You blink at him. “A… A what?”

“An aphrodisiac. It’s harvested for its high potency but it difficult to acquire because of the plant’s unique quality of blooming in certain conditions. The buds are only visible when exposed to extended periods of rainfall, and release pollen only under UV light.” He’s still reading the article aloud. His face slack in horror. “It contains hallucinogenic properties, and is known to create both psychological and physiological – ”

“Ezra, plain English, please.” You say. “So it’s – it’s what? We’re going to be horny?”

“Incomparably aroused.” He looks at you and then away again. Starts to flick through other articles with desperation. “It’s a hallucinogenic. It will not simply make us feel horny, we will be unable to think of anything else. It will make us feel things, phantom sensations, we will experience corporeal responses without other stimulation.”

You blanche. “Maybe it’s the wrong tree, maybe it’s – ”

“It’s not the wrong tree.”

“So what do we do?” You feel too hot, the space around you is suddenly too small and your undersuit too heavy. You think it must be a trick of your mind, but paranoia makes the flush worse.

Ezra clicks through article after article. He estimates you have maybe an hour before it takes effect, maybe less. The pollen was generally harvested, and the chemicals extracted to use as additives for drugs. There is next to nothing on direct inhalation. Not documented, not tested. He tells you it should only last a few hours – three to four. But you can feel your hands shaking, are only half listening. He’s speaking so quickly now, and you curl your feet onto the bed in front of you, wrap your arms around your knees. Was the flush from nerves or from the pollen? Were you shaking because of it as well? Ezra is still talking.

“What?” You say. Head shooting up.

“It does not seem to matter if you… if you finish. The effects of the pollen will not dissipate until it leaves your system.”

Your face colours. “Okay. Okay. Four hours though, that’s what you said.” You think you must look sick. You feel sick, as if all the blood has left you. “We’re both adults, we can just,” but you can’t even finish the sentence. Stare down at your knees.

Ezra makes a pained noise in the back of his throat.

.

It’s getting harder to breathe. Harder to see. The walls around you have started to blur. The bright white lights in the pod are too much, hurt the space behind your eyes. You shuffle to the edge of the bed and swing your legs to the ground. Feel the buzzing in your hands and feet. The switch has never felt so far away, and yet the air around you keep compressing, the walls closing in. It hasn’t been anywhere near an hour. Twenty minutes at most and you feel like your mouth is full of wool and your head too. Ezra has turned on his side, his back to you, the quiet sound of his long deliberate breathing the only noise he makes. You finally reach the switch, grasp at it with shaking hands. Ezra turns over his good shoulder, and you catch the sight of his hair – wet and flattened to his head.

“Don’t – ”

But you already have the lights dimmed. Still bright enough to see, but not painful anymore. Ezra seems vivid even in the dim, like he’s brought into hyper-focus, safe and solid in the pulsating world around you. Without thinking you begin to shuffle towards him. Lick your lips. Think maybe it would be better to stay close to him. Would make you feel better.

“What are you doing?” He pushes himself up on his arm, half facing you. The prominent muscles of his neck straining at the twist.

“I – I – ” You shake your head. Try to clear it of the fuzzy feeling which has settled over your thoughts. Suck in a deep breath which doesn’t reach your lungs. “I don’t know.”

“It’s the pollen.” He’s short. You can hear the tension in his jaw. See the ticking of the muscle under the skin. It distracts you. He kicks his foot to get your attention. “Lie down. Over there.”

You listen without question; the commanding tone sends a lick of heat up your spine. Your knees buckle when they hit your bunk, and you fall against it, boneless. Suddenly weak. It’s so hot. You can feel sweat forming along your top lip, sink over your brow and into your hair. You push the strands away with shaking hands, shove it back off your face. It’s too hot in the pod. Your mouth is so dry. So hot. The undersuit, you’re still wearing it, and your compression clothes beneath. Ezra has lowered himself back to the mattress, stares at the wall ahead of him, but his whole body jerks when he hears the pull of your zip. You turn your head to the side to watch him, stare at his back. Watch his shoulders pull tight through his thin compression shirt, damp with sweat. Watch the muscle tense. Catch your tongue between your teeth. His neck is so tight you can see every dip, see the veins stand out beneath the skin.

You get the zip undone and start to wriggle your arms free. The cold air of the pod is a relief until Ezra groans, deep and pained. The sound shoots down your spine, sparks across your lower back and into your stomach. Makes your cunt pulse. You echo the sound back at him, feel your body temperature climb again, impossibly. You slump, half out of the suit, your skin feels like the crackle of static, alive and humming. You are on fire. Can feel your chest and stomach and the creases beneath your breasts growing slick with sweat. You shift in the suit, still halfway down your waist, and the inseam of the crotch catches against your underwear. Without thinking, without meaning to, you are bending your knees, digging the heels of your feet into the bed and pulling yourself down. Feel the thickness of the seam, too much and not enough all at once dig into you and your back curves. Relish in the feeling of friction, and the release which dribbles, stick and warm, down your slit.

You choke on another moan.

Ezra is so stiff he is almost shaking. Pulled so taut he might snap. You can’t take your eyes off him, watch the way his ragged breathing fills him and rushes out again. Like he’s been running. Sweat soaking through his shirt now, making it cling to him. His voice is cracked and hoarse. “Be quiet.”

You can’t help it. Another moan slips out before you can stop it, louder at the sound of his voice. You bend your knees again and work your hips against the inside of the suit. Become aware of how swollen your cunt is, tingling. Worse than tingling. Somehow better. Your legs are shaking, breath coming in fast pants. It’s too loud in the pod, bounces around and comes back to you. Makes you dimly embarrassed, a small place in the back of your mind is mortified. But you can’t concentrate on why, can’t hold any thought in your head long enough to remember why you shouldn’t give in. Can’t remember why you’re holding back from the throbbing need in the first place.

“Ezra.” It’s too breathy. Too soft. That’s what you want, you realise. The taste of his name in your mouth makes it fill, hot and wet. Ezra, Ezra, Ezra. “It’s hurting.”

“It’s the pollen.” His voice is tight. He turns his head enough that you can see a sliver of cheekbone. “A few hours, remember? Then it will be over.”

The pod is getting hotter. You are getting hotter. Your breasts ache, you feel your nipples hardening, feel them catch against the sweat drenched fabric of your singlet and it stings. Another throb, so long you think it won’t end, makes you whimper. And then. Wet. Not dribbling, leaking. Flowing. The suit is still tangled around your legs. Your hands are shaking so badly you have to kick at it to get it off, manage to catch it and have it twisted around one ankle. Finally kick it onto the floor. Your compression pants are slick, and you are vibrating. Weak. The heat is still growing even now the suit is gone, like you are on fire. You still haven’t looked away from Ezra.

“You were in it for longer,” you say. Barely get the words out. Can’t think. Can’t breathe. “You had – had – ” a barely stifled moan “ – had your helmet off. For so long. Why aren’t you like this?”

He swallows loud enough that you can hear it. “I am well practiced. This feeling is one I am quite used to concealing from you.” His voice is like honey. Fills your head and your mouth and your body with syrup. But the words. The words make you weak. Make you utter another quiet whimper. “The effects of the pollen will wear off in a few hours, Starlight.”

You have to put a hand over your mouth to muffle the sound which threatens to escape from it. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes. You realise you can smell yourself. It makes you dizzy. And him. The sharp scent of his sweat on hot skin. Familiar. Unbearable. You kick your legs out, hit your head back against the bunk and fist your hands into the sheets. Struggle to hold on to the embarrassed part of your mind, feel it slipping away. Try to stop your hands from reaching between your legs at his confession.

“Ezra.” It’s almost a sob. “Ezra, please.”

“I ask of you only that you are quiet,” he says. Tight, pained. “Whatever you do to deal with – with this, just do it quietly. I can’t – it’s – ”

You have never heard him stumble before. Not with words. Never with words. You think sometimes that he must know them all, certainly knows many more than you. So much of your time together has been filled with his voice, wrapped in them, the way he rolls them in his mouth and holds them. But now he has none. And instead of being filled with his words, the space between your is hot and pulsing. Fills with other things. Aching.

You forget your embarrassment.

“We could, we could help each other.” You lick you lips. Pull yourself up onto your elbows with shaking arms. “We could deal with it together.”

“No.”

“Ezra!” It’s a petulant wail. His chest is heaving. The smell of him is everywhere, all around you. Mixing with the smell of you. “Please. Please, please, please.”

“I said be quiet.” He snarls at you. Full of venom. This is the Ezra he is with other prospectors. The Ezra that steals and kills. Cruel. Mean. The sting of tears in your eyes well and slip and fall. And still you feel your cunt weep with you.

“Do you… do you hate me?”

“No.”

“You do! Why else would you make me hurt like this?” A full sob works its way up your throat. Nearly chokes you. Makes your breathing stutter. “I only want you to touch me. You hate me so much you won’t even touch me.”

He says your name. Not Starlight. Says it with a bite which stings and clears your head long enough for you to finally wrench gaze away from him. You turn your head, press it against the cool wall of the pod nearest you. Close your eyes so tightly white bursts behind your lids and crushes your lashes against your cheeks. You try to breathe, but every mouthful is full of the taste of you both. You try to concentrate. And Ezra is panting as well, ragged and loud. Sounds closer, and you turn your head back to him, and realise your mistake. He has pushed himself back up onto his good arm and twisted to stare at you over his shoulder. His eyes are dark, face dripping with sweat, hair wet with it. Compression shirt almost transparent against the heaving mass of his chest. His mouth hangs open with his breath. You have to bite your lip, roll it into your mouth and dig your teeth into it hard enough to sting.

He is furious. “Do not speak to me as if I have no heart. It is because of my heart I am denying you.”

“Why?” You don’t understand him. “Why don’t you just – ”

“Stop.”

He twists fully now. Rolls onto his back. Your eyes follow his length, slip over his chest and stomach and – you think you might die. Think you will explode. His cock is tented in his compression pants. Even in the dim you can see the shape of it pressed against the grey fabric. The thickness of it. See the dark patch around the head where it leaks precum. Such a huge patch you think surely, truly, he must have already come. Know he hasn’t. You press your legs together with a strangled moan.

“Be quiet!” He squeezes and his eyes shut at the sound.

You writhe against the mattress. “All I want is for you to touch me Ezra, please, please, why don’t you want – ”

“Do you know how badly I crave you?” He cuts you off. “Do you know how often I have dreamt of you, like this, begging me to take you? How many times I have dreamt of fucking your cunt? Of the taste of you? God,” he makes a sound, half deranged. It might have been a laugh in a different time, a different place. “Have you any conception of the ways I have imagined having you? How many nights we have laid here while you sleep, and I bit my fist to stop myself from waking you while I come all over my hand?”

You heart must have stopped. Must have swollen until it was too large for your chest and been crushed. Outgrown its place. Blocked your lungs as well because you can’t breathe.

But he’s still going. Still talking.

“I have had to fuck my hand for months. Pretend it was your pussy. Or your mouth. Your pretty little mouth. And every night you are there, not four feet from me, oblivious and dreaming. I think of you licking up all my cum, cleaning it off my fingers. Fucking it straight down your throat. Fuck.” His words become lost in the deep groan which forces its way out of his mouth. His dick jumps in his pants. “Fuck.”

You are clenching around nothing, the tightness in your stomach and centre coiled so badly now it is painful. You pull your feet up nearer to you so you can lift your hips off the bed and grind them into nothing, into the air. Tears of frustration slip, never so frustrated before, so desperate and shaking. You hold the sheets tighter, know once you touch yourself you won’t be able to stop, but coming won’t help. The symptoms won’t stop until the pollen leaves your system. You drop your hips back to the bed with a harsh sound, something between a sob and a gasp. Ezra is breathless, groaning in response to every sound your make. You are so wet it has soaked through your compression pants, down around the crux of your thighs and into the seat of your underwear. Mixing with sweat. Sliding between your lips and your cheeks and making the drag of the fabric against you almost painful.

“Keep going. Ezra, please.”

“Don’t. Don’t make me… not fair.”

“Love your voice.” You twist. Jerk your hips forward against the bunk. “Could… could come to just your voice. Wouldn’t – wouldn’t even need to touch myself.”

The sound he makes is tormented. Guttural and deep. Sparks through you. “Fuck. Fuck. Shit. This is torture, it must be. Condemned for every lascivious thought I have had of you. Punished more my lewd cogitations. Every time I have pictured your pussy. Thought of what my dick would look like filling you up.” He chokes on the words. “I have imagined fucking you on every surface of this damnable pod. And the pod before that and the one before that.”

“Please Ezra. Please. I want you to fuck me. Anywhere, anywhere you want.”

You are looking him when he opens his eyes. He looks wild. Almost unhinged. He sucks his lips between his teeth and hisses when he rolls them back out. Is staring at the hardened buds beneath your drenched singlet. His breathing cracks, and for a moment, a second, you think he is going to break and move towards you.

“No.” It’s drawn out. Hard for him to say. He closes his eyes and faces the ceiling. “No. Do not make such requests of me. Not now. It’s not fair to ask me to take you now when you will surface from this haze and hate me for it. You will hate me for all of it.”

“I won’t.” Quiet. Timid. Desperate.

“You wish to hear my fantasies? Do you want to know what all of my fantasies of you have in common?” He waits. He is looking at you again, and he waits until you have focused on him. “In every way I have imagined you, in every way I have dreamed of taking you, you have wanted me as badly as I want you, Starlight.”

You can’t say anything. Your tongue is lead in your mouth. You are throbbing so relentlessly it’s almost impossible to think of anything else. The pain at the base of your stomach is growing, spreading, and you feel like your limbs are beginning to lock down. You have to roll onto your side and curl around yourself. More fluid moves at the action, leaking over your lips and thighs and soaking into the sheets below you. It somehow makes everything worse. It’s too much. So much. You are too full and not full enough. All you can think about is the feeling of him pushing inside you, tearing you apart, pounding into you as relentlessly as your cunt throbs for him. You sob again.

“I want you Ezra. I do, I do want you.”

“You would want anyone,” he spits. “It’s the pollen. You’ve been drugged.”

“But I want you! I always want you!”

“You think you do but you will live through this and then you will not want me anymore.” He turns over his good arm again and rolls onto his side. Faces away from you again. “This is torture enough for a lifetime of sins. I can’t – ”

You aren’t sure where the strength comes from, but you know you must move. Your body screams to move towards him, almost convinces you he will make the pain fade. You hold onto one thought, the sound of the pain in his voice, hold it tight as you can and roll yourself out of your bunk. He flinches away from you at the sounds of movement, and you almost forget yourself when you see his hips jerk involuntarily. Mouth-watering, knowing he must feel the need for you as desperately as you need for him. But you can’t. You burn the sound of his pleas across every thought you have and stumble to the corner of the pod, struggle to open the compartment with shaking hands, and when you do you drop the med kit on the floor. You are vibrating, and if you had thought you couldn’t see before then now it is blindness. You blunder through the kit, splaying its contents half onto the ground around it before you find the packet. A packet full of pills the size of pin heads, but powerful. Meant to be for adjusting to new planets time cycles. Getting back to Ezra’s bunk is easier than moving away from it, invisible strings inside you pulling you to him.

“Here,” you say. Voice hoarse like you’ve been screaming. Grates at your throat. “Ezra.”

“What?” He doesn’t turn.

“Sleeping pills. They… they can knock us out.”

He turns his head, just enough to see you. Up close he looks worse. Better, so much better. His pupils are blown so wide the brown around them is barely visible. His pillow drenched in sweat. His face is flushed, the back of his neck and ears and forehead are red. His mouth open in wet pants. You crumple, drop to your knees in front of him, or risk throwing yourself into the bed with him. You drop the pill on his pillow, think if you touch him you will snap and give in. He’s looking at you the same, like if you move wrong he will not be able to stop himself. You lift your pill to your lips.

“Wait – ” He says. “The pollen, the pills, we don’t – we don’t know if it’s safe.”

“Ezra.” You feel a hot tear slip down your cheek. Your singlet and your compression tights hurt your skin where they touch you. The cold of the floor is burning against your legs and hand. The air around you is almost too much. “I won’t get through this. It hurts too much.”

You swallow the pill before he can stop you.

He says something, but the sound of his voice is too much. You stumble off your knees and towards the wet room. Your control is stretched taut within you, about to snap. Kneeling next to his bunk you can smell more of him, see more. You get to the door and it takes your shaking hands two tries to get it open. You catch him slip his pill between his lips and swallow, and the flex of the muscles in his neck nearly has you trip over yourself to get back to him. But you slam the door closed between you. Slump immediately into a cold wall and slide down it until you’re crouched against the plastic floor. The wet room is tiny, nothing more than an insulated storage cupboard with a hose and shower nozzle. The pills are strong, you lean back against the wall, feel them mixing with the effects of the pollen so that the world swims before your eyes. You close your eyes. Try and count your breathing. You try to count three times and lose count every time. You can’t feel the floor beneath you. Can’t feel the wall behind you. The world is slipping so that it is only the fire of your muscles and the throbbing between your legs. Time warps into a tunnel, feel like you are suspended and falling through it at the same time.

There is no world around you when you finally shove the heel of your palms between your legs. Don’t care when you start moaning, writing against it. You couldn’t remember your own name if someone asked, where you were. Anything. Your knees drop out, one against the floor and the other shoved against the wall in the tight space. You head knocks hard against the wall behind you. You shove your other hand down, unwilling to stop rocking your hips into your palm until you can get the tips of your fingers down your compression pants and find your clit. The first roll over the bundle of nerves makes you scream. Forces it up out of some place in your stomach and up, up through your chest and throat. You do not ease yourself forward, you rub against the throbbing spot with enough force that your arm shakes from the effort. Stop long enough to pull the tights down your thighs so you can rub your clit and sink your fingers into your pulsing cunt at the same time. The knot in your stomach becomes unbearable. Your cunt spasms and clenches around your fingers, three of them, and still you feel empty, and yet somehow so full you are almost sick with it. Keening. Desperate. You are speaking, blabbering nonsense. Your hips jerk off the floor.

But there is no release.

You have no idea how long you lie there, rubbing yourself, fucking yourself with your fingers before you give up. Boneless and whimpering. Sobbing. You can feel how wet you are, feel it all over the floor beneath you and smeared up over your wrist. You drop your hands, the blackness closing around your peripheries enough to dull the burning. The sleeping pill clouds the last of your consciousness and you slip.

When you wake the first time it is sweating and with the dream taste of Ezra in your mouth. An imaginary taste you have conjured many times before this but made to feel so real by the pollen. You’re panting so fast they begin to run together, your body trembling and shaking. The wall of the wet room is hard and cold against your back. You don’t even have to touch yourself to come when the memories of your drug induced sleep return to you, the dream of Ezra’s cock heavy on your tongue and full to the back of your throat. Your release is so long and intense you slump further into the ground. Your forehead against the door. You are barely conscious of the shock tremors afterwards, of the jolting aftershocks of the pollen and dream induced orgasm. The place just below your stomach is still as tight as before.

You fade in and out, the sleeping pill enough to keep you under most of the time. You wake a few more times, coming or on the edge of it. Have slipped into a dark place where everything except the buzzing of your body does not exist. The pollen continues to conjure hallucinations, the feel of hands all over you, impossibly hot and rough, of being filled and fucked, again and again. Ezra. Always Ezra. Haunting you.

Hours after crawling into the wet room, your sweat has broken. Shivering, drenched and pressed against the cold walls in the tight space. You are dizzy, can taste the sourness of dehydration coating your mouth and the back of your throat. You yank the door open again, can’t walk, so you fumble on hands and knees to the water and raise a flask with shaking hands. Drink three of them. You get to your bunk and pull of your clothes – wet and dripping with cold sweat – throw them at the foot of your mattress. Defeated and exhausted when you pull the sheets over yourself. Cold. Ezra is quiet, a still ball on his bunk, still facing the wall. You wait until you see him breathe, watch his chest rise and fall. Let yourself give into the relief of exhaustion.

.

When you wake next it is to the sound of rain against the roof of the pod. There is a deep aching in your limbs and the muscles around your stomach, but no burn of satisfaction to ease the pain. You are still dehydrated. Eyelids like sandpaper against your eyes, so you don’t open them. You can barely roll over you are so stiff. The rain sounds heavy. Another torrential flood.

You drift for some time in the place between wakefulness and sleep. You can hear Ezra, awake and moving around the pod, bare feet against the floor. He stops near you and he pulls the sheet higher over your shoulder where it has slipped, covering your bare back from the cool air. Pulls a heavier blanket over you as well. You continue to wander, sometimes dreaming. Sometimes listening to the sounds of him moving about, the hose turn on in the wet room. Turn off again sometime later. Smell the soap when Ezra emerges and feel the waft or warm, steaming air against the top of your head. Not long after his hand is on your covered shoulder, gently shaking.

“Starlight.” He says. “You need to drink. Wake up.”

He waits until you start to move, wraps his arm beneath you to help you to sit. Holds up the blanket when it falls and tugs it tighter around your shoulders. Gives you water and a protein bar and leaves you. You stare at the things in your hands, then at his back. Feel like you are floating.

And then the day before begins to bleed into your thoughts like a poison, and as you wake the horror of embarrassment makes it impossible to sit still. You can’t look at Ezra, where he crouches with his back to you not three feet away. Digging through the med kit you had left on the floor. You force yourself to eat but the protein bar tastes like cardboard in your mouth. You are hyperaware of your nudity, feel small and exposed, and you pull the thin blanket around your shoulders as high around you neck as it will go. Think of Ezra opening the door to the wet room to find the mess you had undoubtedly left there. Think of yourself begging him to fuck you while he desperately refused. You feel sick.

He brings the med kit to you. You can’t look at him, can feel his eyes searching your face. He sighs and gently reaches for the blanket. You flinch before he can reach it and he drops his hand.

“I will not hurt you. I assure you.” He shows you his empty palm. “I only wish to ensure you are well. I need to check if you are still suffering any effects of the pollen.”

You shake your head, hold your hands against your chest beneath your shield of bedding. “I’m not.” Your voice is raw from screaming and then hours of sleep. You think he must hate you. Must hate you for being so weak.

“I need to check.” His voice is so gentle. So soft. “May I please have your hand?”

You do not move, can’t look at him. And then you slowly release your hold on yourself and worm one hand out through the blankets, careful to keep yourself covered and let him take you by the wrist. Lay your hand palm up on your lap. His fingers make your blood spark where they touch you and you wish he wouldn’t. Wish you hadn’t been so awful to him while he tried to refuse you. He clips a small device to your fingertip, warns you of the prick of it taking your blood. Checks your pulse, checks your temperature. When the device beeps he removes it and compares the reading with a small manual in the med kit.

“The pollen is out of your system.”

“How… how long has it been?”

“Nearly two days since we were infected.”

You look up in shock. He is staring at you, warm eyes soft and tired. Marred by the dark circles around them. His hair still damp from his shower. You burn red and look away again.

“Two days?”

“You’ve been unconscious for some time.” He packs everything away and moves. You glance at his back when he goes, watch a droplet of water from his hair drip a slow path along the back of his neck and disappear under his soft clean shirt. Images of the days before rise behind your eyes before you can stop them, memories of dreams. Memories of hallucinations and fantasies. Your stomach churns. “Do you need more water?”

You shake your head. “No.”

He nods and comes to sit opposite you on his own bunk, his arm braced across his knee. You try to hold his gaze but humiliation crawls its way up your throat and you squeeze your eyes shut. Keep remembering trying to convince him to fuck you through the effects of the pollen, remember the hazy, sordid details of everything you said to him. You don’t know how you will ever face him again, every be able to meet his eyes. Its all made so much worse by the memory of how badly you wanted him, a desperate need which tore you apart. Feelings which you had supressed and kept dormant before now refused to be ignored and you are full of guilt and affection, tearing you apart. Feel them push up against your heart when you look at him and twist.

“Ezra…”

You hear him sigh, lift your eyes to look at him. He’s smiling, soft and sweet and sad. “It’s quite alright, Starlight. We do not have to talk about it if you do not wish to.”

You fidget you fingers beneath the blanket. “I… I think.” You pause and swallow. “I think we have to talk about it, Ezra. I said – I said – ”

You wish you didn’t have to think about what you said, but you do. And Ezra’s words chase each other around and around in your mind and tangle inside your head. You can’t ignore those. Can’t ignore everything said between you and go back to the way things were. Can’t look at him without remembering the throbbing ache between your legs at the way his voice wrapped around his words and filled you up with fantasies of fucking you in the pod. You need to apologise to him.

Ezra shakes his head. “The pollen was very strong. It put us under extreme duress, and we acted against our natures.”

“Against our natures?” You stomach drops. You know you should not hurt so badly at the implication but your heart begins to crack. Of course he did not want to tell you those things.

“I quite understand.” He looks to his hand, clenched into a fist on his knee. “And you do not need to explain your words to me, I understand they were brought on by the pollen. I shall consider the things which you have said to me to be banished from my mind if,” he releases his clenched fist and inhales slowly, deliberately. “If you will extend to me the same courtesy.”

Your mind goes terrible, horribly blank. Your head begins to throb and you lift your hand to press against it, massage the tightness between your brows. Ezra wants to you forget it all, to forget the whole thing ever happened. Everything said between you was a terrible mistake, and it was, and he is giving you an out. You understand that much – no apology required, no rehash of the painful events. Ashamed when the burn of tears threatens behind your eyes. You should say yes, you think. You should agree to forget it and move on with your lives. But there is the awful feeling, a gnawing in your gut, that if you turned away from him this time it would be the last time. That the space between you would grow and grow until you could not find your way back together. And you owe him an apology.

“Ezra I… I don’t know if I can.” You pick at the blanket in your lap. “I don’t think I can just forget.”

He’s silent. Unnervingly silent.

“I have spent so much of our time together trying to forget.” You whisper. “I don’t want to forget anymore.”

He frowns. “What have you tried to forget before this?”

You shift in your spot. Glance at him and then away. “You know. You must know. All the times… all the time when we could have,” your nerves fill your throat and you have to pause. “Like before this. When we were outside. When you helped me up the hill. When you said – when you said we were seeing the wonders of the universe.” Every moment I could have told you I loved you. You can’t say it. “I can’t forget them anymore.”

Ezra is staring at you. You look to him, find his eyes, because he deserves you to look him in the eye while you say this to him. He deserves more than your cowardice – the cowardice you have given him for the better part of two years. His face is slack at your revelation and then crumples. Collapses in on himself. He looks like he’s in pain.

“These are moments you wish to forget?” His voice is hoarse.

“No! No, Ezra they aren’t!” And you realise what he has thought. “I… they are my favourite memories. But I can never let myself have them because – because – ” You suck in a shaking breath. “I’m not good with words like you. I don’t know.”

“Tell me. Try.”

He is leaning towards you, guarded. Hopeful, maybe. You feel your heart beating so hard you can barely concentrate. “Every time there is something between us, I try to crush it. Because – because I’m scared. But I save them all and I think about them later. I – I think about what you look like when you’re smiling in the sun, or what words you use when you’re happy. Or when you… when you look at me like how you looked at me under the trees outside.”

Ezra pushes himself from his bunk and crosses the space to you. Sits close enough to touch you, but he doesn’t. You are looking into his eyes and can’t look away now. Transfixed. He is so wide and open now. His eyes so warm. You did that, you think. And you swell with the pride of it. So you take a breath and continue.

“I’m scared one day you’ll leave me.” You confess. “Or if I… if I say anything then you will want me to go. And I can’t – I don’t want another partner. I just want you.” Your cheeks go brilliant red. And Ezra smiles, blooms, so bright it’s like looking at the sun. Your hands are shaking again. “I’m scared if I let myself feel everything all at once I might break. And I don’t want to break. And I don’t want to lose you. I want to – I want to have you forever.” You’re talking faster now, more urgent. Your voice drops almost to a whisper. “That’s why I try to forget them, every moment, and its chipping away at my heart Ezra, and I’m worried I won’t have any heart left. I think it…” You close your eyes. Breathe. In and out. Open them again and look at him. Really look at him, and let yourself be seen. All of you. The parts of you which you try to hide. “I think my heart already belongs to you.”

Ezra shifts again. His thigh presses against yours now, burning and hot. He twists his body towards you. Stares at you, his face crinkled in a blinding smile. “Your heart belongs to me?”

Your breath shakes on your exhale and you nod.

He inches closer. “I find myself without words, Starlight. Of course, it would be you that renders me speechless.”

You lean towards him again, pulled by his gravity. His body leans to yours. Not touching anywhere except along your thighs, still pushed together below you. But you grow towards each other, closer and closer, until you can feel the almost press of his body against yours. His face is so close you can see every line, every freckle and mark.

“Surely you know how I feel for you,” he says. His quiet words wash over your face, you could catch them on your tongue you are so close, but you do not, you hover. Just away. “You conceal your heart so well, but I have not concealed mine. Every word I spoke to you while under the influence of that pollen was true. I only wish I could have told them to you in some different way.”

Your heart kicks in your chest. “Ezra, I’m so sorry, I tried to make you – I said awful things when you told me you didn’t want – ”

He shushes you gently. Closes his eyes and shakes his head so minutely. “You did not act on them. I said far more depraved things to you.” He sighs softly. “I truly am sorry it had to happen that way.”

You hesitate. Nod and relax back towards him. He smiles so softly, opens his eyes.

“I dream not only of your body. Everything that I am is yours. The pieces left of me belong to you. Only to you, Starlight. They have for some time now.”

Ezra presses his forehead to yours, his hair tickling your skin. You let your eyes slip closed. Twist slightly and push back against him, rub your nose closer until his cheek brushes the tip of yours and you feel his eyelashes flutter on your skin. His lips close and open and trace the shape of a kiss ghosting against your mouth. Not quite touching. His hot breath mixing with yours. Less than a hair between you. You push you chin just enough to catch his bottom lip with your teeth, tug it down and let it go with a sigh. Lick against the imprint of the bite to soothe it.

He groans your name.

“Ezra,” you say into his mouth. Try to catch him in a kiss but he shifts and move away. Retreats from you so that his eyes can find yours.

“Are you sure?”

You carefully move your hands, touch them against his chest and move them up, lightly over his shirt. Clutch the back of his neck. “I don’t need pollen to want you, Ezra. I never have.”

He stares down at you, his eyes fill up everything around you, until he is everything. Just Ezra. Only Ezra. For a moment you are worries he doesn’t believe you but then he surges forward. Teeth and noses clash. His mouth hits yours hard enough to bruise, is hot and open. His tongue inside you, no building, no warning. He pushes against you and you let him, twist your hands into the damp hair at the nape of his neck and pull him to you. Tighter. Nearer. Can’t get him close enough. He yanks himself away and you gasp at the sudden loss. Remember to breathe. His arm readjusts its hold around you back and he shifts himself, uses his knee to shove your legs apart and move between them. You lift yourself off the bed to your knees and he pulls you forward again so that you fall into his lap, still wrapped in blankets. Brings his mouth back to yours. Kisses you until you’re dizzy.

He moves his mouth sideways, open and wet and drags it down your jaw to your neck and back up again. Panting. “Can I touch you?”

“Please.”

He leans all his weight forward and tips you backwards. You fall against the bed, the blankets bunched under your back. Naked. He is staring, transfixed, between your legs. You try to close them, but he catches your knee, pushes his body into the space and forces them open. You burn, conscious of the dried mess which must still be there from the pollen.

“Don’t try and hide yourself from me, Starlight.” He is still staring at your cunt. Uses his torso to push against one of your legs and his arm to move the other. He forces your leg down by the inside of your knee, so slowly, until it touches the bed. Pushes it outwards slightly just to watch your pussy better. “And the other one.”

His hand stays on your knee, his eyes stay between your leg as you do as he says. Watches as the stretch makes your lips part and reveals the almost purple inner flesh of your pussy. He coos, and the sound changes to a groan when you flutter around nothing, a bead of fluid forming at your hole and then dribbling outwards. Your hips jerk at the sound and when your knees lift away from the bed Ezra holds the one he can with such forcefulness that you make a soft cry.

“Can I still touch you?” He asks. His voice surprisingly soft, at odds with the iron grip he has around your leg.

You nod.

You think he means your cunt. You think his hand will dig straight into you with the way he is staring at it. Hungrily. Instead he releases you knee, draws around it with just the tip of his fingers, a featherlight circle over the soft skin and then trails his hand along your thigh. Your hips lift when he approaches the crux of it, traces the crease between your centre and your thigh and then back up over your hipbone. Makes you whimper when he leaves you aching and untouched. He flattens his palm over it, grabs a handful of the flesh of your hip and kneads it gently, before releasing it, moving his flattened palm over the curve of your stomach. Feels it move with every shortened breath. Drifts up slowly and spreads his fingers over the shape of your ribs. Up again and beneath the crease of your breast.

“I imagine you all the time,” he says idly. His eyes look up finally, sees that you have twisted your head to the side and squeezed your eyes closed, trying to hold yourself together. “Look at me, Starlight. There’s a good girl. I imagine you often, when we are outside and you are covered by your suit, and I think of what you look like beneath it. Think about the shape of you when we are supposed to be harvesting our livelihoods.”

You keen. Writhe upwards and try to lift yourself towards him. He shushes you and flattens his palm over your sternum, long fingers push up between your breasts and his thumb and pinky hook beneath them. Not touching them. Forces you back to the mattress, keeps his hand on you and smiles as you gasp. Feels the vibrations of your moaning, exposed beneath him. He waits until you still and look back to him. Dark eyes watching you.

“Keep your legs open.” You realise you have pushed them up off the bed again. It makes you pink and splotchy over your chest and neck and face but you slowly, shakily part them again. Let them drop on either side of him. “You are more than I deserve, Starlight. More beautiful than I could have ever painted you in my mind’s eye.”

His hand moves again, up over your chest and along the lines of your collarbones. Out over your left shoulder and then down the length of your arm. Lets his fingers rest still at the velvety soft skin at the inside of your elbow and then follows the path of your veins through the skin to your wrist. Encloses his hand around yours and brushes his thumb over the pulse point at your wrist. Presses in and feels your blood sing in response. And then he lifts your arm up over your head and rests it above you. Presses it once into the mattress and fixes you with a look. Do not move it, he doesn’t have to say. He releases it again and this time his fingers trail the other side of your arm down and gently through your armpit and over your ribs to your other arm. You are already lifting it and he catches it to and finishes the motion for you. Holds your wrists together in one large hand. Surprises you by pushing up onto his knees and pressing a soft kiss to your mouth. Sweet. Chaste.

He pulls away. When your eyes flutter back open, he is close and smiling. “Starlight does not do justice to how bright you are,” he whispers gently. Presses a kiss to your temple. “There is no star in any galaxy which could pit itself against you and come out the victor. You would put them all to shame.”

Your eyes are wet. You have to swallow the lump in your throat. “Ezra.”

His mouth brushes your temple again. Your brow. The bridge of your nose and your cheekbone. Hovers hot and open over your mouth but when you move towards him he is gone, his mouth open along your jaw. He tongues the length of your neck, dipping into the pit at the centre of your clavicle. You lift off the bed again and his mouth moves down, finally to your breasts in wet kisses until he reaches your nipple. Looks up to catch your eyes when he gathers saliva in his mouth and licks it. Makes your toes curl into the sheets. He coats you until the bud is shining with wetness and then pulls away and blows on it, a gust of cold air, freezing against your wet flesh. You groan, both watch the way it grows hard and pebbled, the skin around it pulling together. Then his hot mouth is around it, burning after the coolness and you whine and arch into his mouth. Use the leverage of your knees on the bed to push yourself into him.

He releases you with an obscene noise, deliberately wet. Lays his cheek against your heaving breast so that your nipple is being brushed by the tip of his nose and smiles at you. Saccharine, like he hadn’t just been suckling at you. Like he wasn’t forcing you to stare at the painfully hard nipple between you. And then he moves and gives the same treatment to the other side. Warm and cold and hot. Until you are desperately trying to lift your hips against his stomach and roll your centre against him for any relief. Can feel the wetness dripping from you, running down your slit and back. Probably staining the already ruined sheets.

“Please Ezra,” you are panting. “Please.”

He chuckles and pulls away from your tits. Admires the two wet and hard peaks of them. Leans down to peck your right nipple so lightly you might not have felt it if he hadn’t just driven you to the point of overstimulation.  

“I am sensitive to your plight, my sweet Starlight. But I hope I cannot be expected to rush this. I have many months of painful imaginations to fuel this encounter and I want to enjoy you.”

He lowers his mouth to the centre of your breasts. The heaving, solid spot there and leaves another wet kiss there. And then licks a long, hot stripe through your middle and readjusts his one arm beneath your middle, and you lift to make room for it, his forearm completely covered to the elbow beneath the mass of your body. Has to wrap it up under your right thigh and pulls the leg up higher to your side, stretching you so far open your thighs shake in protest. Then resumes his path of kisses over your stomach and down. You are clenching viciously around nothing, hips jerking even though you try to still them. His chin tickles the hair at the top of your slit. His eyes look up at you, smile at you even though his mouth is open beneath your naval, his tongue making lazy circles against the skin.

“Don’t move,” he says. “Or I will lose my balance.”

You bite down on your lip. Can’t speak, because you can feel another desperate noise building at the back of your throat. You nod.

He finally returns his gaze to your neglected cunt. Watches your hole flutter and spasm at the attention, watches as it leaks more wetness out and as it sinks down your slit and your crack. Makes a patch of wet beneath you. He leans closer and breathes you in. Smells you. It makes your head spin, makes your face so red you have to close your because you can’t think. You feel his nose almost against you and then his breath, hot and his tongue wet, so close to your hole you jerk before you can stop. But he doesn’t enter you, instead just barely lets the tip of his tongue run the length of your inner lips, all the way to where they encase your clit, stopping agonisingly just before it. First one side and then the other. Almost the same feeling as his fingertips had been over the rest of your body. But so much more.

You choke his name and he wraps his lips around your clit. You think you might black out, the attention so much more intense after the neglect. You feel a sob work its way from the back of your throat, force your hips to stay flat on the bed, try not to clench your right thigh around his arm in case he falls. He alternates sucking you, drawing patterns with his tongue and sometimes, when you release more wetness, he will lick a long broad stroke up your whole length and moan with his mouth stretched around as much of you as he can. Gather you on his tongue and dribble it back over your clit and pull away just to watch it slide back down your pussy. And then his mouth will be on you again, relentless. You feel his teeth more than once, grazing, experimental nips. Never hard enough to sting but enough to make you clench at the promise of it. Makes you leak more.

He pulls away.

“I have dreamed of the taste of you many times, Starlight. It is one of my favourites, one which I will often indulge myself. Look at me.” You have to force your eyes open, heaving from the effort of breathing. Tilt your head down and the sight of him makes you clench again and cry out. His hair is a mess, his blonde streak stuck straight up, and his face coated from his nose to his chin in your juices. The pink of his lips gleaming with fluid. “I will lay in my bunk long after you are sleeping and I will conjure ways in my mind to imagine how you will taste. I will try not to look at you, but I always do. And my hand is never enough when I think of how perfect I know you are, and so close, always so close to me, that I can hear the gentle undulation of your breath. I like the imagine you like this, beneath me, coming for hours so I can taste you and imprint the memory of it forever in my mind.”

He ducks his head back and licks up your length again, gathers you up and works his cheeks to mix you with his own saliva in his mouth, and then leans over your clit. Dribbles it over your clit, lets it land on the bundle of nerves and the skin and hair around it. And then blows on it like he had on your nipples. You let out a shriek and your head falls back at the cold air. Makes you draw up deep in your belly. Pulling tighter and tighter. So close. So close.

“My other favourite is that you will sit on my face, allow me to let myself be of use to you, let you fuck yourself on my tongue and rub yourself against me until you come.”

“Ezra,” you can barely speak. “Ezra, I’m going – I’m – ”

Your thighs are shaking so badly it hurts. Your arms straining above your head.

“Come.”

He latches his mouth over you as you do. Finally puts his tongue inside you and his nose brushes against your clit. Laps at you as you finally break and release over his face. You see white burst behind your eyes. Your whole body shakes at the force of it. You sob, hot tears streaking down your face. But Ezra doesn’t stop his ministrations, fucks his tongue in and out of you the whole time and when you think you might finish he moves his mouth back to you clit and moans against it, the vibrations of the sound pulse through your cunt and you scream.

“Ezra, no, I can’t – I can’t – I won’t – ”

You break again, not sure if it’s a second orgasm or the first. So, so wet. You can feel your pussy weeping. It lasts somehow, impossibly, longer than the first. You are boneless when it ends. Legs jerking, shoulders twitching off the bunk. Ezra laps at you until it almost hurts and when you flinch, he pulls back. Kisses your clit gently and slowly extracts himself from beneath you. Eases your leg around his body and pushes your knees together so you are on your side with your back to him. Kisses your thigh, and then your hip. Your shoulder. Lowers himself onto the bunk behind you and wraps his one arm around you and tucks his knees up behind yours. Flush and warm against you. Cradles you through the aftershocks of the orgasm with soft kisses to your neck and shoulder.

You turn slowly. Feel like you’re moving through water. You twist to face him and nuzzle you face into his neck. Let his arm pull you closer and his leg wrap over yours. “I love you,” you say into his skin. “Ezra. I love you. So much.”

He kisses the crown of your head, his hand gathers your hair and brushes his thumb over your scalp. “I would pour all that I am into you if you would give me the chance. I have spent my life in the pursuit of collecting treasures and now I have found one which I wish to keep always for myself. I would hoard you away from the world. I would give you the world if you asked for it.” Another soft kiss. He hums against your head. “I love you, my Starlight. My beautiful girl.”

And you are content to lay there, listening to the rain outside and the sound of his breathing, laboured at first but evening out into a gentle rhythm. You let your eyes close, press yourself between his neck and the mattress and sigh against his skin. Feel him tighten his arm around you and press his mouth into your hair. He’s wearing clean underclothes. Smells of soap. You know you should move and clean yourself from days of sweat and cum but you can’t bring yourself to leave him.

You jolt when you feel him unwind his legs from yours, had almost fallen asleep against him. There’s an awkward moment of shuffling before he can get untangled enough to push himself to sitting. You moan, reach for him and he chuckles. Leans over you again so that he can press another lingering kiss to your shoulder. And then he pushes himself from the bed and pads away. Comes back with a small towel, damp with hot water and settles himself by your feet. Tells you to sleep with a gentle voice and begins to gently scrub your skin. Your feet, your ankles, up and around your calves. All the way up your legs to your centre, wiping away the sweat and then very gently the cum which is drying between your legs and over your thighs. Your hips jerk away from the action, still sore and oversensitive, but you settle and allow him to work. He rinses the towel and returns. Sits you up and rubs your torso and your arms. You are aching from coming and twitch at the rub of the sheets against your centre. But your nipples still pebble at his touch and he chuckles.

“Come now, Starlight. To the other bunk. The sheets are clean.”

He helps you to stand and catches you when your legs buckle. Seats you in his bunk, against the clean sheets and leaves to discard the towel. You can see the tent of his dick in his pants when he returns, another patch of precum on the clean fabric. Your mouth fills at the sight.

“Ezra,” you breathe. “Ezra. I want to – ”

You fidget. Can’t say it. Years of keeping your feelings bottled deeply within you make the habit a hard one to break. Suddenly shy even after he had just made you scream. Made you orgasm twice. He stands before you, cock at your eye level and you can’t look away. Tiredness fading, soreness fading into something else. You lick at your lips and he groans.

“Can I please, Ezra?” You look up at him. Shuffle yourself closer to the edge of the bunk, and closer to him. Back down at his cock and then to his eyes. Dark and hungry and watching your mouth. “You’re not the only one with fantasies.”

He lets out a pained noise and nods. Chest heaving. “Yes. Yes.”

You scoot forward and slowly, carefully brace your hands on his thighs. Watch his dick kick slightly at the contact. Squeeze the thick muscle in his legs and bring yourself closer to him. Glance up at his eyes once more and he is watching you. Transfixed. You graze the head of him through his pants with your nose and then your mouth. Soak up the choked groan he makes, let it fill you up. Press open mouthed kisses to the already wet fabric, make them loud so that he will hear them. Let your mouth fall open further and further until you can almost close it around him. Hum in quiet satisfaction. He’s big. Just the tip of him makes you shiver.

You pull away and reach for the waistband of his pants, slung low on his hips already, and pull it slowly down. Take your time watching as his smooth skin is revealed, the patch of thick, dark hair at the base of him, and then the length of his cock. Just enough that he comes over the top of his waistband. Stare at it, slack jawed and nervous. Eager. Your mouth watering. He is big, bigger than you had realised. You hear the slap of skin against the pod and look up. Ezra has braced his elbow and forearm against the low roof and is leaning towards you, seeking your mouth.

You grant it to him. Lick the slit at the tip of his dick and then around it. Make sure you look into his eyes when you open your mouth and suck him in. Pause while you work your jaw to accommodate for his thickness and test the heavy weight of him against your tongue, taste him. Feel against him and massage your tongue against the shape of the prominent vein on the underside of his cock. He groans, stutters his hips forward into your mouth. You slacken your jaw as best you can, have to open your mouth so wide to fit him you can feel it stretch at the corner of your lips. You pull back, try to relax, take him back in again. Watch the way his head tilts back and the soft shape of his stomach heaves under his shirt. You lift your hand to work at his base, easing it up over the path of your mouth to spread the mixture of saliva and pre-cum down to his base. Bob your mouth over as much of him as you can, relish the feeling of his stuttering hips trying not to choke you. Trying to allow you to set the pace.

You move your hand from his thigh, up around to his ass, dig your fingers into the firm muscle hard. You push him forward from behind, force his hips forward and his cock deeper into your mouth, almost into your throat. More than is comfortable, but it makes you hot and aching, the feeling of the thick head of him pushing into you so hard you can barely breathe. You push again when you feel him try to fight another jerk of his hips, use your hand to show him you want him to fuck into you, still your head when he gives in to the feeling of it and groans. Lets his head all back and sinks himself into your mouth. His whole cock pulses hard and you moan, as loud as you can, to make him feel it. His hips hold in your mouth, almost too long, almost stops your breathing for too long. And then he pulls out and thrusts in again and again and again.

He’s cursing softly, using your mouth, his thrusts becoming stronger and deeper. Hitting the back of your throat. It brings tears to your eyes. He pulls out, rests just the head of his dick inside your lips and the sight of him, of his dick hanging just over the waistband of his pants and his thermal shirt covering him while you sit before him naked makes you thrill. You swallow him down, so far back it stings your eyes and makes you choke on him, sputter.

His knees half buckle and he yanks himself away. His dick falls from your mouth with a wet noise and a trail of saliva connecting you. He stares at it, swearing and panting until the string of fluid breaks. You whine, reach forward, try to pull him back again but he twists away.

He is breathless. Heaving. “I need… but a moment to collect myself.”

“I don’t want you to collect yourself.” You push yourself up onto both knees and sit on your ankles. Grip the clean sheets on either side of you. “I want you to fuck my throat. Please Ezra, please.”

His dick jumps again. Leaks a steady track of precum down the underside of its length and you moan again, twitch in your spot and mourn the loss of tasting it. Of the feel of it running down your throat. He closes his eyes and breathes, his fingers gripping against the ceiling so hard his hand turns white at the knuckles.

“I want to taste your cum, Ezra.” You blink up at him. Tears of frustration in your eyes.

You reach for him again and this time he catches both your hands in his. Yanks you from the bed with a yelp and pulls you to your feet. Turns you both and shoves you back, lands you on your own sullied sheets. Your bare ass bounces against the covers and you scramble backwards. Ezra is kicking out of his sweats and tugging off his shirt. Joins you on the bed. Bronzed skin exposed and dick hard and pink and pointed upwards. Shining with your saliva. You pussy begins to leak again.

“I want to cum down your throat, my beautiful Starlight,” he says, kneeling in front of you. “I want to fuck your throat until you cry and I want you to drink down everything I have to give you.” He grabs your ankle and yanks it towards him. You slide across the covers. “But first I want to cum inside your pretty little pussy. Is that okay?”

You nod. Nod so fast you dizzy yourself with it. He sits back onto his feet and yanks your ankle again, shoves your legs apart with his hand. Then his hand is on your clit. He is not soft or gentle this time. He pinches the bundle of nerves hard enough to make your cry out in shock. His hand leaves you, spans the width of your chest and forces your back to the bed. Then he is at your clit again, drawing harsh circles around it which make you scream. He doesn’t stop, not even when you can barely breathe, except to scoop your own juices from where they leak and smear them across your lips and clit. His finger is inside you, fucking you, and then back out. His hand disappears and you blubber, crying and humping your hips towards nothing at the loss.

The light slap against your clit makes you yelp. Makes you jerk your whole body in surprise, and then utter a low moan, feel the dribble of wetness down your slit and over his fingers.

“You have the prettiest pussy I have ever seen, Starlight.” Ezra grits. Sweat beading at his forehead and dripping around the curve of his brow. “I could watch your spasming little cunt clench around nothing all day. I could rub you like this and see how much your pretty pussy wants my dick in it. I could not give it to you, just make you lie here for hours and watch you and every time you almost come I could stop.” You are uttering fast, breathy little moans. Feel your pussy sputter and more wetness ooze from it. Your thighs jumping. He slaps your clit again, the sting much harder this time. You think if he doesn’t stop you will come again without having him inside you and the thought makes you want to scream. “You like this, don’t you? You like hearing me say what I wish to do to you. You like me spanking your cunt.”

“Please, Ezra.” You’re blubbering. Shaking. “Please, please, please!”

His hand lifts away from you again and you cry out. It comes back, but not between your legs. His hand is on your hip, holding you down. You start to push against him, start to whine.

“How long?” He asks. His voice almost conversational.

You’re panting too hard to answer him. Can’t figure out what he means. “H-how… how long w-what?”

His fingertips dig into your skin. “How long have you wanted me to fuck you?”

You groan. Leak. Can’t think, can’t form any words. Everything is bright and buzzing around you, your clit throbbing. And he wants – he wants – you toss your head to the side, screw your face up, try to think.

“S-since Arla-7,” you gasp. “Arla-7.”

He goes still. His hand turns to stone, pressing into you so hard. You sob, loud and needy. But he doesn’t move at all, just sits there. You turn your head back and open your eyes, have trouble seeing him through the tears caught in your lashes. He is not how you expect him to look. He is no longer harsh and snarling and telling you what to do. His face is soft. His hand moves from your hip to brush a tear from your cheek and then cradle your face. Tender and sweet.

“So long?” He whispers. “Arla-7 was – ”

“Nearly two years ago.”

He groans and then is crowding you into the mattress. Looms over you, his weight skewed, so he has to slide his arm beneath your head to keep himself balance. You feel the weight of his dick rest against your lower stomach. Let out a whimper. He rubs himself slowly along you, catches himself between your wet lips and drags his dick between you. You lift your hips to help, seek out the tip of him. Realise his arm is shaking in exertion. You drop back to the bunk.

“Would it – would it be easier if we swapped?”

He blinks down at you. Then nods and rolls onto his side and the back, over his good shoulder. Uses his arm behind your neck to pull you up off the bunk and with him. You swing up and gingerly sit yourself next to him. Loop your leg over his hips and balance your hands on his shoulders. For a moment there is a settling feeling, something softer and more peaceful works its way between you. Ezra lifts his arm and pushes your hair from your face and he smiles at you. One of his rare, small smiles. Like you are the centre of the galaxy. Makes you feel like maybe you actually are starlight. You smile back, press your lips to his wrist.

He drops his hand, grabs himself and you feel the blunt head of his cock push up against you. You moan, test your weight back and forward slightly and start to sink slowly. Feel the stretch of him inside you, so, so big. You sink lower and have to stop, feel your thighs shaking, your eyes fill with tears. Then lower again and you feel him at the back of your throat. You still, both hands on his shoulders, quaking at the effort of just having him inside you. The burn of the stretch doesn’t stop, and holding yourself up hurts too, so you lower again, couldn’t go any faster even if you tried, the friction of his dick against your walls so intense from the tightness of the fit. He’s murmuring to you, telling you to breathe, asking if you are okay. You keep sinking, feel a sob break your lips as you finally, finally cover him completely. Sit your thighs over his hips.

He’s holding your hip, his thumb drawing light circles against you. Still talking, still saying something. Your brain has blacked out, completely shut off.

Slowly you start to swivel your hips, gently rocking forward and back again. Feeling the burn turn slowly to something easier, something better. His words of concern turn into words of encouragement. You lift yourself off him just slightly and drop again. Feel his moan reverberate through his whole body. Feel his dick twitch inside you. You lift again, further this time and drop slowly, start to feel your toes curl again, start to ride him properly. He shifts beneath you, starts to match your strokes. Follows your pace with every thrust of his hips. Gentle at first and then faster. The wet sound of slapping skin fills the pod, drowns out the sounds of the rain outside. When you can finally open your eyes Ezra is staring between you at where his dick disappears inside you, brow furrowed, face red and damp with sweat. You groan and he grunts beneath you, tightens his grip on your hip and steadies you. Holds you still. He braces his feet against the bed and starts to thrust into you. Each hit jolts your body, you feel the slap of him under your thighs, against your ass. Bouncing your whole body at every impact, moans turn to sharp cries as he fills you, pumping into you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you pant with each thrust.

He’s out of breath. “Touch yourself.”

You do. You lean to one side so you can reach a hand between your bodies and rub at your clit. It makes you cry loudly and buck into your hand, back against his cock. He’s staring at your bouncing tits, down at his dick sinking into you. You rub vicious little circles around your clit so hard your arm is shaking.

“Where – ”

“I-in-inside me.” Your words break with every slap of his balls against your ass, sending you scooting forward on your knees. “Inside me. Please Ezra, please, safe – ”

He yanks your hips down over him, not humping anymore, almost vibrating. You watch him come undone beneath you. His jaw locks, neck bulges and tips back. Covered in sweat, slick with it. His chest heaving. You feel the hot pumping of his release inside you and tweak your clit, panting until you join him. Stars burst behind your eyes and you slump forward. Clenching so tightly around his dick you wonder how he fits. It only makes Ezra groan beneath you, surprisingly quiet when he comes. You slump into him.

You lay panting together, chests heaving and slipping, pressed against each other. His dick still inside you, your trembling thighs wrapped around his hips. You can’t think anything, except for his twitching length inside you, the last of his release mixing with yours and starting to swell at the place where you meet but trapped, because his cock fills you so completely that there is no room for anything else. You let your head fall into the crook of his neck, drop completely into him. Feel his arm slowly lift and wrap over your shoulders. Hug you into him while he tries to catch his breath. When you gain enough sense to think anything it is that you must be in heaven with him. He is hot and alive beneath you. And in love with you. You sniffle and kiss his collarbone, hug your arms around him as best you can.

You must lie there for some time because you feel the sweat dry and cooling against your skin and Ezra tugs the meagre blanket over you both. You are boneless against him, happy at the feel of his warmth trapped beneath you and inside you. He tries to shift, and you feel him start to slide out of you. You tighten your thighs around his hips and squeeze your cunt around him with as much force as you can muster. He groans and stills. Hot breath fanning against your cheek.

“Stay,” you whisper. Face burning hot with embarrassment at this request. At admitting how good he feels, soft inside you. “Just for a little while.”

He hums and stills. Drops his hand to your hips and pushes you down further into his crotch. Lifts his hips a little to sheath himself inside you to the hilt. You groan into his neck.

“Who am I to deny you anything,” he says into your temple.

“Was – ”

He waits, and when you don’t continue. “Was what?”

“Was it…” You squirm, and still when you both groan at the feeling of your releases trickle out of you and trail down his dick and over his balls. You still before anymore can escape, red at how much you resent any of it leaving you. You suck in a deep breath. “Was it as good as you imagined it?”

“Better, Starlight. Better.” He brushes hair back over your shoulder, lets his hand linger on the skin and trace the length of your spine. You feel his smile when your skin lifts into goosebumps beneath his fingertips. “No phantom conjuring in my mind will ever compete with you.”

Your eyes well with tears and you are as usual left without words. So unlike Ezra. So you show him in your own way. You turn your head to press a kiss to the thick column of his throat. A chaste one first, and then open your mouth and breathe over the spot. Press another wet kiss to the same spot. You feel his dick, still inside you, jump.

“You are truly fortuitous we have made our fortunes worth on those aquatic gems.” His fingers trail further down your back. Lower. Ghost the bump at the base of your spine and lower still. Almost, almost touching. Glimpsing against the top of the crack of your ass and then retreating. Tracing over the swell of it and back over your hip. His breath his hot against your hair. “I do not think I could be convinced by anything to leave you. I have two years of craving to account for, my Starlight.”

. 

Permanent tags: @btillys​ @vercopaanir​

[not-all-dead]

angstpril day five: amnesia

CW: .......sad

fic under the cut

Lin opened her eyes groggily, wincing against the bright white surrounding her. She pushed herself away from the bed she rested on but fell right back down when her headache multiplied. She was vaguely aware of people around her, helping her to sit up properly, bringing her water. She didn’t recognize any of them. Once her head had stopped spinning and she’d had a drink of water, she noticed a woman beside her, holding her hand.

“Who are you?” She asked quietly, confusion coming over her.

The woman’s piercing blue eyes widened and she bit her lip, seemingly trying to hold back tears. She took a deep breath before saying anything back.

“How much do you remember? Can you tell me who you are? What year you were born?” She said, her hand tightening around Lin’s.

Lin stared at her lap for a moment, trying to remember something, anything. No matter how hard she tried, she came up blank. She looked back up at the woman and shook her head slowly.

“I don’t- there’s nothing,” She whispered, her own eyes watering now.

The woman forced a sad smile and let out a shaky breath.

“I thought that might be the case,” She said softly.

“It’s alright, we’ll help you through this. I’ll start by telling you small things, alright?” Lin nodded at the question.

“Well, your name is Lin Beifong. You were injured in a work accident, protecting civilians,” The woman smiled to herself and chuckled.

“Always playing the hero, you,” She was about to continue when Lin interrupted her.

“What was the accident?” She asked, burrowing her brows.

“Oh, Lin, you really don’t remember anything, do you?” The woman asked, to which Lin shook her head again.

“Well,” The woman continued.

“You were the Chief of Police here in Republic City. You were working in the field when there was an explosion downtown, and a building started to collapse. You’re an earthbender, you see, so you used your bending to hold the building up until everyone was evacuated. You saved a lot of people, Lin, but when it was time for you to get out of there…” She trailed off, sucking in a breath and forcing another smile.

“Your focus slipped just barely, and a piece of rubble came down on your head. It was quite the injury,” She chuckled darkly, shaking her head.

“We did everything we could to heal you. Even my mother came down and tried, but your memory… I’m afraid that’s one thing we can’t restore,” A tear fell from her eye and she laughed at herself, quickly wiping it away.

“I’m sorry,” Lin said quietly, looking back at her lap.

“What? Lin, you have nothing to apologize for,” The woman put her other hand on Lin’s cheek, forcing Lin to meet her eyes.

“I never answered your question from before,” She let out a sigh.

“Lin, my name is Kya. I’m your wife.”

Lin stumbled as they stepped onto the airship. Her balance had also been damaged in the accident, but she managed with Kya’s help. Kya gripped her arm tightly now, keeping her upright with unexpected strength. Lin turned her head slightly to give Kya a grateful smile, adjusting so she could stand up straight again.

They’d kept Lin in the hospital for a few weeks, gradually telling her more and more about her old life and monitoring her health just in case. Finally, they’d discharged her, saying she was ready to join the real world again. If she was honest, she didn’t feel ready herself, but she was glad to be going somewhere more comfortable than the hospital.

Kya had told her that they were going to the Fire Nation. She said they had family there, though she hadn’t said who exactly. At this point, Lin didn’t mind. There was already so much new information hitting her every day that it didnt matter who she met at the end of this trip. Everyone was a stranger to her now, even her own wife. She felt bad for Kya, like she deserved so much more than a wife that now couldn’t even remember her name.

“I’m sorry,” She muttered for the hundredth time that day.

Kya looked at her softly and sighed, shaking her head.

“Lin, you never need to apologize. I tell you this every time you do, and I will continue to say it; I love you, Lin, and I’m not going to stop loving you because of this. I want to help you through this, alright? There is nothing, nothing you need to be sorry for,” Kya laced her fingers through Lin’s as she spoke.

Lin looked away, ashamed despite Kya’s reassurance. She couldn’t help but think over Kya’s words, doubt growing in her mind with every repetition. How could Kya love her when she couldn’t even love herself? When she didn’t even know herself? It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense, but by now there was nothing to be done.

The airship didn’t take too long to get to their destination. A few hours in the air wasn’t all that bad when they had so much to talk about. Kya told her more about how things had been before the accident, today telling her about the time they’d accidentally adopted eight turtleducks. The story made Lin smile, but something inside of her ached. It often hurt her to listen to Kya’s stories of before, because they were just that: stories. She listened contently, though, as it seemed to make Kya happy to tell them, and if she couldn’t remember anything, at least she could imagine what it might’ve been like.

She snapped back to reality when the ship jerked slightly and Kya stood.

“We’re here!” Kya said, wide grin on her face.

Lin smiled quietly and stood up with her, grabbing the small bag of things Kya had collected from her apartment for her. Kya took her other hand, picking up her own bag, and they walked to the exit ramp. It was a sunny day outside, hardly a cloud in the sky, and there was green overflowing at the edges of the landing pad. There was a collection of people in red and orange robes standing near the end of the ramp, seemingly waiting for them.

“Is that the family you were talking about?” Lin asked somewhat nervously.

Kya nodded, pulling her hand from Lin’s to wave at the group. A tall woman with grey hair almost as dark as Lin’s waved back before clasping her hands anxiously in front of her. With her stood three young men and a young woman. The woman bore a strong resemblance to her elder, long dark hair and sharp features almost a perfect duplicate. The first of the men, seemingly the eldest, also looked like the two women, though not quite as much. He had the same dark hair and angular jaw, but his face and shoulders were broader than the women’s.

The second and third young men shared the others’ dark hair, but almost nothing else. They were also the only ones not in long, expensive-looking robes, instead both wearing plain but well-made suits. The taller of the two looked more like the first three, his skin a matching tone and build holding the same thin and sharp qualities, but he didn’t look related to them. The shorter was much broader, his skin just barely darker than the others’. There was something about him that seemed softer about him, and his demeanour was far from any of the others. He bounced on the spot as Kya and Lin approached, his excitement and nerves much more apparent than those standing with him.

As they got closer, Lin felt herself getting more and more panicked. She couldn’t even begin to guess at who they might be, and it didn’t help that none of them looked anything like Kya or herself. She glanced at Kya, who was beaming at the people up ahead. If Kya were this excited to see them, surely she should be too, right? And Kya would introduce them to her, and they’d tell stories, and she’d learn to love them again. Just like she had with Kya.

“Kya, Lin,” The older woman said with a smile on her face, snapping Lin out of her head.

Kya rushed up and gave her a huge hug, nearly toppling the both of them over. Lin stood slightly back, raising her hand in greeting when the woman turned to her. She noticed tears welling up in her eyes and looked at the ground, another wave of guilt crashing over her.

“Oh, Lin…” The woman said, opening her arms. “May I?”

Lin looked back up at her, realizing she was asking to give her a hug. She nodded and took a step forward, immediately feeling the woman’s arms wrapping around her shoulders. Lin buried her face in her shoulder, taking in her scent and trying again to remember. Her eyes watered when she still came up blank and she pulled away. No matter how many times she had to do this, it never got any easier.

The woman watched Lin for a moment before turning to Kya.

“Let’s go home, shall we?” She asked, gesturing towards a satolimousine nearby.

Kya nodded and they all filed towards the sato, Lin taking a seat next to Kya once everyone else was loaded in. The drive was not a long one, but when they arrived at their destination, Lin had to stifle a gasp.

“You- you live in a palace?” She asked, mouth hanging open as they exited the sato and started walking up the long path.

“Did Mama not tell you anything?” The younger of the two women said, laughing.

“Mama?” Lin looked at Kya, a questioning look on her face.

Everyone fell silent for a moment, stopping when Lin stood back.

“Kya?” She asked, searching Kya’s face for answers.

Kya glanced nervously between her and the older woman before grabbing Lin’s hand and pulling her forward.

“I’ll tell you everything when we get inside, alright?” She murmured.

Lin huffed but nodded and the group continued towards the palace.

Not a word was uttered for the rest of the walk. In fact, nobody spoke until they were seated around a large table in an even larger room. The older woman sat at the head of the table, the other girl to her right. The eldest of the men sat to her left, followed by the energetic one and then the tallest. Lin sat across from the tall boy, Kya between her and the younger woman. Silver plates with steaming food were brought to the table by servers, one placed in front of each diner. Still, nobody spoke.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Lin asked loudly, fed up with trying to guess for herself.

She glared at Kya next to her, who met her gaze with guilt and a mouth stuffed with rice. The energetic boy across the table let out a laugh before slapping his hand over his mouth.

“Sorry, it’s not- I’m not-,” He lowered his hand and looked down, busying himself with his food again.

This time it was Kya’s turn to let out a quiet laugh.

“It’s alright Bolin, don’t worry,” She said, smiling kindly at him.

Bolin.

Lin repeated the name in her head, trying to memorize it and match it to his face.

Bolin, Bolin, Bolin.

She felt a hand cover hers on the table and turned back to Kya. Kya drew a deep breath and squeezed Lin’s hand, flitting her gaze down the table before starting.

“At the end of the table is Izumi. She…” Kya paused and Izumi gave her a reassuring nod, prompting her to continue.

“She’s our wife. Next to her is Iroh, and this is Ursa,” Kya gestured to the girl to her right.

“Bolin is next to Iroh, and that’s Mako,” She nodded to the boy across from Lin, who gave a small awkward smile.

Lin sat quietly for a moment, going through names and matching them to faces in her mind. When she was sure she’d remember them, at least for now, she asked more questions.

“So Izumi is our… wife… so who is everyone else in relation?” She said hesitantly.

“Well, Iroh and Ursa are Izumi’s biological kids. Bolin and Mako…” Kya trailed off, looking to Mako for guidance.

He looked at her for a time before pushing away from the table.

“Could I… could I talk to you for a minute? Just us?” He asked Lin, holding his breath waiting for her response.

She looked at Kya who smiled and nodded before sliding her hair out from the table. Mako let out a relieved sigh and turned to leave the room, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Lin was following him.

When they were in the hallway, the door to the dining room closed behind them, Mako pulled Lin into a tight hug. She returned the hug, rubbing his back when she felt his shoulders shaking with sobs. They remained like that for a long time, until finally Mako pulled away. He looked at Lin with such sadness, though she thought she noticed a glimmer of hope in his amber eyes. She couldn’t help but want to comfort him, but her curiosity took precedence.

“Who… who am I to you?” She asked, watching his face closely.

He stared for a second before turning his head to the side. He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes, steadying himself before speaking. Even so, it took another minute before he could say the word. When he did, Lin’s heart broke a thousand times over, the fear and hope in his voice a knife in her stomach. It was only one word, but it felt like so much more.

“Mom?”

[house-of-galathynius]

Only You ~ Rowaelin

A Rowaelin fanfic, set if Aelin’s parents had lived and she had met Rowan under normal circumstances, if Erawan and Maeve weren’t threats. Hope you enjoy! 

Chapter Three ~ Chapter Five

Chapter Four: Chances

Aelin had sat on her bed thinking of only Rowan. She had tried and failed to read a book, as well as braid her hair and even as far as trying to brush Fleetfoot's coat. But no matter what she did, her mind wandered back to the Fae prince who was her soul-bonded. 

Her maids had knocked on the door an hour ago to dress her for dinner. She had wanted to form an excuse as to why she could not go, but nothing came to mind. And she was sure Aedion or Orlon, or both would come up here and drag her down either way. So she put on her finest gown and let the maids put her hair into a pretty updo and place the tiara on her head. And when she looked in the mirror she balked. Aelin knew she was pretty, as she’d been told by many suitors. But when she gazed at her reflection she really felt pretty. Her cheeks had a rosy glow to them and her eyes were bright. She felt good. 

The maids had let her stare in the mirror a few seconds longer before they ushered her away and down to the dining hall. Elspeth giving her a wink as she departed.

Aedion was at the door when she arrived, looking handsome in all his finery. He seemed to think the same as he grabbed her hand and spun her around before grinning. “You look… you look like a princess.” 

“Don’t you start.” She rolled her eyes.

“I look forward to hearing all about it later. The maids in the kitchen wouldn’t shut up about it.”

“What were you doing in the kitchen? Terrorising the cooks again?” She elbowed his side. 

“I haven’t done that since I was ten.” He elbowed her right back. “I was doing a favour for a friend.” 

“Oh, you mean you were doing whatever you could to get into Lysandra’s good graces? Honestly Aedion, you’d have an easier time winning Ren over than you do Lys.” 

“Very funny Aelin. Should I bring up all your successful relationships? Shall we talk about the mating bond now or later?” That lions grin crept up his face and Aelin didn’t know whether to start a brawl or to laugh along with him. 

“Careful Aedion, she could easily take you in a fight.” Her father stopped behind her, laughing quietly at their bickering. 

“Not without her flame she couldn’t.” Another grin.

“Settle down you two. We do have company. I don’t think they want to see the two of you bickering all night.” Her mothers words silenced them. Aelin poked her tongue out at Aedion as he poked her side, both of them earning stern looks from her parents. 

When they entered the hall Orlon had already been seated at the head of the table, Sellene at the other end. Dispersed along the table were a mixture of Whitethorn family members and spouses, along with members of the Terrasen royal family. Servers were showing everyone to their seats, but even so, Aelin made her way to the usual spot she took at functions such as these, when the server intercepted her before she could sit. 

“Your Highness, you will be seated here tonight.” She looked to the chair that had been pulled out for her and cringed. Sat in the chair to the left was Rowan. She glanced to Orlon who was actively avoiding eye contact, but she knew that he had been the one behind this little rearrangement. 

Despite her disapproval, Aelin sat and smoothed her dress as she did. Moments went by with silence, people around her chattering away. She tried and failed to meet the eyes or Orlon, instead she had the pleasure of Aedion laughing at her expense. She wasn’t going to give Aedion the upper hand tonight, so she decided to suck it up and turn to Rowan. 

“You clean up nicely.” As if he had not been dressed to the nines the first time she met him. 

“As do you, princess.” 

Silence. 

“Did you find your way to your rooms? The castle can be… large.” 

Since when had she become such a bumbling fool? 

“I did. I also had the chance to inspect the training facilities.” 

“Oh? And were they to your liking?” 

“They’re adequate. If you would be up to it we could use them tomorrow?” She hadn’t lied when she had told him she had never trained with anyone before. The only person had been her instructor, who had never really trained with her, more like watched and criticised. Her flame was more a party trick than anything, she wasn’t sure it would be that impressive using it in front of Rowan. But despite her reservations about the mating bond and him, she still agreed. 

Dinner went smoothly, their conversation remained strictly polite; talking about the food, the wine, the dessert. All too soon it was over and Aelin was thankful to be excused. 

She returned to her room and jumped at the sight of someone on her bed. Her flame immediately sprung from her fingers and she edged closer, only to sigh in relief when she saw Sam.

Sam?

“What the hell are you doing in here?��� She quickly shut the door and lit the few candles and fireplace. 

“I needed to see you. Lysandra said you weren’t going to be able to see me for a few weeks… so I asked her to help me here.” 

“If someone catches you…” 

“I know, but I had to see you.” 

She stepped out of the slippers she wore and undid her hair letting it fall down her back. 

“You can’t be here Sam. I’m serious.” 

“I’ve never seen you dressed liked that. You look royal.” He smirked. 

“That’s because I am royal you fool.” She threw a cushion at him and then collapsed onto the sofa. “What is it Sam, that couldn’t wait until I came to you?” 

“I wanted to know if you’d thought my offer over again? I’ve found someone who will take over the library. And there’s a ship leaving for the Southern Continent in four weeks. It’s enough time to sort everything out, for you to—“ 

“I can’t, Sam.” 

He stopped where he had been pacing by the fire. “You… can’t?” 

Aelin’s body went hot and her pulse quickened. She loved Sam, but when she looked at him… there was no buzz. No spark. Not like what she had felt with Rowan. And she knew that was because of the mating bond… but it still meant something. Hadn’t she always known it was never going to be forever with Sam? Hadn’t her parents said the same thing to her? 

“I want to run away with you. Or I did… last night. But what would happen in sixty years? When you’re ageing and I’m still what I am now. What happens when you’re gone? I can’t come crawling back asking for the throne. Not after abandoning it like that. I have responsibilities, you know this.” She stood now. “My life is here Sam, it will be forever.” She turned to face him fully. “I love you, but my answer is no.” She choked on the last words. 

He stood there, staring into the flames. Neither of them said a word, the only sound came from the crackling of logs. 

Sam finally turned to her. “I had really hoped that you would give it all up. That what you told me about wanting to be free, wanting to live your own life, was true. That you would realise that your love for me was stronger than your love for this.” He gestured to the room, the palace, Terrasen. “I would give up everything for you Aelin. I would lose everything if it meant we could be together.” 

She was crying now. 

“And deep down, I thought maybe you would give up your immortality. Give up that side of you so we could have a normal life together.” Sam wiped tears from his own face, but still she said nothing. “I was never going to be good enough, was I?” 

Her heart cracked at his words. “You are enough Sam. But my country, my kingdom… it will always come first.” 

“Does the fact I would give it all up mean nothing to you?” 

“Of course it does! But I never asked you to do that. I told you from the beginning this would be temporary. We would continue as long as we could, but one day I would have to step up and be the person I have to be. For my kingdom, for my family… and for me.” 

He slid his hands down his face, despair in his eyes. “I should have known better.” 

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” She was angry now. 

“It means that I was right when I first met you. You are spoiled and selfish and only care for yourself. Maybe it’s a good thing it’s ending now. I’ll save myself the pain in the future.” 

His words stung. Sam had been angry at her before, but he had never been cruel. A knock at the door had them both freezing. 

“Aelin? Is everything okay?” Rowan. What was he doing here?

“Everything is fine.” Sam was staring at her, then at the door, trying to put it together. She didn’t take her eyes of Sam, he stared right back. Neither of them said a word until Sam gave a slight shake of his head and made off through the balcony doors and out into the night. She didn’t look away even as Rowan knocked at the door once more. 

“You might as well come in.” She sighed. 

The door creaked open, slowly at first, and then wider as he let himself in. Rowan left the door ajar, letting her know he had good intentions, whatever they were.

“What are you doing here?” She glanced once more at the balcony doors, sure that Sam was far enough away.

“I could... smell something was wrong.”

Right. The Fae senses. 

“It’s nothing, just a sad book.” 

“I’d believe that if it wasn’t just you I could scent.” 

He could smell Sam. 

“Rowan…”

“I have no claim over you, so what you do is none of my business. But I had to check you weren’t in danger.” Her heart panged in her chest, warmth spreading at his protectiveness. She returned to the sofa and motioned for Rowan to join her. She beckoned the guard outside and requested tea for them both. She could see Rowan’s hesitation as he debated whether this was a good idea.

“The door will remain open, no funny business, don’t worry.” She gave him her signature grin and he relaxed as he came to sit next to her. They had been closer at dinner, but the intimacy of them both being in her room… it was new and strange to her. Sam had never been in here. 

“Was the male…” He trailed off.

“He’s my… was my—“ she cringed at the next words. “Was my lover.” 

He flinched at the word, she felt his jealousy even if he did not fully show it.  

“You’re not planning on courting me for these few weeks just to reject me?”

“That was not what I was planning on doing.” Aelin continued. “To be honest, I didn’t know what I was planning to do. I’ve never been in this situation before.” She picked some lint from her skirts. 

“You loved him?” 

She gave a small nod. “He asked me leave with him, to runaway. Head to the Southern Continent, to build a life there. I didn’t give him an answer, so he came here to get one.” She didn’t dare look Rowan in the eyes. “I told him I couldn’t do it, and he said some things… and then he left.” 

“Did he hurt you?” A guttural growl. 

“No! Not physically. He would never hurt me. He’s just upset that I said no, that’s all.” 

Aelin’s own voice was low, sad. The maid entered the room carrying a tray of tea and sweets, she placed it on the low table in front of them and gave a small curtsey before scurrying away. 

“Do they always look terrified around you?” He picked up a cup and poured some of the herbal tea in. 

“They do not look terrified!” She swatted his arm. “My maids love me, I let them eat sweets with me and I always give them gifts on holidays.” 

Rowan’s eyes glittered with laughter, his body relaxing into the sofa. “Well, she looked like she couldn’t get away fast enough.” 

“If she looked terrified it’s because you’re in here looking grumpy.” Rowan barked a laugh and Aelin could’ve sworn it was one of the loveliest sounds she had ever heard. 

Rowan stayed for another two cups of tea and then politely excused himself, but promising Aelin that he would see her tomorrow for training. 

She went to sleep that night, not thinking of her fight with Sam, and the way that they had ended; but of Rowan and those pine green eyes. 

[bluecloudious]

would u ever consider making a tutorial on how you make those cute litol crochet grunts? : o

Oh, hell yea, I figured out a very specific technique on making them!

The tutorial is under the cut!

(It's long and as thorough as I could make it.)

Materials you'll need:

Yarn (color of your choice, but more than one ball preferably JIC) (Try to use the most regular yarn you find at craft stores, that doesn't make you itch. Anything thicker or thinner usually makes the process a bit more complicated. Not impossible, it's just a bit of extra work)

Stuffing

Crochet needle (depending on the thiccness of your yarn)

Sewing needle (With a beeg hole so you can stick yarn through there comfortably) (Mine also has a dull end, which I honestly recommend as it keeps away from injury, yet still works like a charm.)

For added details you may use pipe cleaners, buttons or whatever else you see fit. Your plushie after all.

Keep in mind that I am not a professional. I don't even know what the different loops are actually officially called, especially not in English.

Here's a lil image of what I will call the different loops in this tutorial, though:

Also here's how to do a long (the green is yarn, that isn't already part of any loops):

A regular/single is this but skipping over steps 1 and 2.

A double is two singles in one premade loop.

A negative is two premade loops pulled together with one single.

Also, important side note, leave there a little ending of yarn every time you start or finish a section! It stops your entire plushie from falling apart and in certain parts can be later used to sow parts of it together, if left long enough! And don't worry about the little useless seeming danglies, you can just pull them into the plushie and noone'll know they're even there, yet your plushie stays perfectly in shape :))

Also, don't follow along before reading all of it first! I add crucial details after I first mention doing something! Read the whole thing first and then, if you want to, do according to the proper instructions!

Now, knowing the terms and conditions, on with the tutorial:

So, first things first, the Ball-Head.

It depends on how big ya wanna make the grunt, but for the ones I've already made...

You make the first loop and then you go back into it and create eight (8) regulars, forming a nice compact circle.

The next row continues from the first single of these eight loops. This row will be a double over single aka double, single, double, single, and so on.

Repeat this process about three or four times until your thing (head-ball) starts to curve a bit.

Now, you shall do three rows of regulars. (The middle row is allowed to be with longs, if you think that'll shape the head properly to what you need :>)

After these rows, you start doing rows of negative over regular aka same as double over regular, but with the opposite goal- decreasing the amount of loops rather than multiplying them.

Repeat this process until you have a hole that you can fit three or so fingers in. Stuff the head through the hole to your liking and squeeze the head to see how soft it is. (I usually make them soft enough to kinda squish but firm enough not to lose their form.)

After stuffing, finish the head by continuing the rows you were already doing.

You can do the cross now, if you so desire, but frankly I'm gonna show how to do it later, cause it's usually the last thing I do. Holding onto the body and then sewing the head is frankly easier than holding that ball and having your fingers dangerously close to the needle.

Onto the next body part!

The Torso!

When I originally wanted to make the grunt, I had a whole other plan of attack planned, but I accidentally came across a way easier method, so...

First thing you're gonna wanna do is a chain. How long this chain'll be is up to you, cause this is how long the body'll be + you gotta make two rows extra (will explain why in a bit).

After the chain is done, do not connect it with anything! Start doing back and forth rows of singles instead! Do as many as you think you'll grunt will be thick!

(Touch the last and first row you've done together every so often to see how thicc the lad is so far. You gotta account for stuffing a bit, but only in the mid-section really. The first and last row will be the most resistant to stretching.)

Once you think you're done, leave a long ending of wool past your last loop before cutting. You shall be using this to sew the body together.

Now you just stitch from the top to the bottom, leaving two round holes in said top and bottom, but don't cut the thread yet!

Now, sew the hole that you reached while stitching shut. Closer and more intricate stitches are recommended.

Once that's done, end + hide that end of the thread and start stuffing the body. (Add however much stuffing you want, as long as you think the plushie will look right afterwards.)

Now, grab your sewing needle and a cut thread of yarn, cause you're stitching this bad boy to the head now!

How'll you know you sewed it in the right place to make the plushie look right? Trial and error, I'm sorry to say. I make all of my plushies ever so slightly tilted cause I have barely any sense of centralization!

(Main tip I can give is that you can check the rows on the head to make sure you're centring it properly, as I know nothing else that can accurately tell you that.)

Now onto the next two body parts!

The Feeties!

Despite me drawing only one of them, you will probably be making two, so beware.

Ball-technique as used for head? NO, WRONG! We'll be using the same technique as we did for the body instead!

Start with a chain. Now, keep in mind, this'll be the length of the foot. Not width, lenght. All the way around.

The width will be how many rows you make this time + extra rows for both sides.

Leave yarn to sew with once you're done, but remember- This time you'll sew all the holes shut, so make sure you stuff the foot in between your sewing.

Once that's done, where exactly will you attach the legs?

Well, that entirely depends:

Do you want your grunt to sit?

Attach the legs to the corners that your sewing left.

(Make sure you don't leave them too dangly though. That could make them come off easier.)

Do you want them to stand?

Attach the legs to where you made your seam, a little bit a part from one another.

(You might wanna make sure you left the legs either flatter or just bigger, cause otherwise your grunt'll always need a backrest or some other type of support to stand up.)

Now, finally the last detail I'll be talking about...

The Cross!

This'll just be made by stitching, so get your needle ready again.

First, finding where the centre of the face'll be.

I mean... I already told you I suck at centring shit. If your feeties are in place, then they'll be your safest bet to tell where the face should be, probably. (If, for some reason, you don't have your feet in place, cause you wanted to place the feet according to the cross instead, then you're fresh outta luck from me, friend.)

I usually start from the bottom, as I can leave a little space from the body, and have the grunt's face be in proper place that way.

Now, sew in the way shown in this image:

(The dotted line shows the yarn that's inside the plush/not visible. It's not supposed to connect yet, hold on.)

Now, once you reach where you think the top of the cross is, come back down, but the opposite way, making a little ××××× formation.

Once your back in the bottom, you can grab your crochet needle again and pull that thread through all those exes!

Like this:

If it doesn't look proper, then do a loop around the last X and go back down. That oughta leave you with a proper line right across this grunt's face.

The crossing line do the same way, just on the opposite axis.

Now just hide the thread, and voila! By all means, the base of your grunt is now done!

Hope this was helpful or at least just interesting to read through :))

Edit: Also, forgot to mention that if you want to speed up the body-making process, then you can use longs :))

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers Zero Vol. 12 Azusa Mukami [Track 1]

Original title: 串刺しの蝶たち

Source: Diabolik Lovers Zero Vol. 12 Azusa Mukami [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kishio Daisuke

Translator’s note: The second to last Zero CD I have to translate before completing the entire series, wooh~! I know Azusa isn’t a very popular character within the fandom, but I actually have a huge soft spot for him after translating his Eternal Blood CD. ;w; He is just such a cutie at times, it warms my heart. Hearing his ‘clone’ talk regularly completely threw me off though! He sounds so different, but in a good way! I kind of wish Azusa would start talking a little faster himself but I suppose that’s part of the charm of his character?

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 1: Pinned Butterflies

*Creaaaaak*

*THUD*

The two of you step inside the museum.

“It’s really...pouring outside, huh?”

You nod.

“I’m glad we just so happened...to pass by a place where we can take shelter from the rain...If not, we might have ended up...wandering through the forest while sopping wet...However, if we return home late...Ruki and the others will...get worried. I wonder if we should have just...headed straight home after finishing our errand?”

You frown. 

“It has been a while since we visited the Demon World...So we just wanted to make a little detour, right...?”

*CRASH*

You flinch at the thunder.

“...Oh. It struck closeby...With the weather like this...It seems smart to stay here...until the rain lifts...”

You agree.

“We’ll end up returning home late but...Let’s stay here just a little longer? Then after we’re back...We can apologize to everyone. I’m sure they’ll understand...If we explain.”

You nod.

“Mmh. I suppose we can kill some time...inside this building?”

Azusa starts looking around.

“Hm...But...I didn’t expect to find a museum around here...Seems like we are the only visitors though...Furthermore...Oh. What an impressive amount of portraits...Several people are portrayed...Seeing them all lined up next to each other like this...makes me a little anxious.”

You tell him it’s a little creepy.

“Mmh. I’m sure they would have made for nice paintings...if only their expressions were a little more bright...But they all seem to be suffering. ...That large canvas over there...The man on it looks sad, don’t you think? I wonder if he...went through a painful experience? ...This museum is kinda...weird.”

*CRASH*

“Ah...! ...Ah, are you okay? ...The thunder is a little scary here, don’t you think? It said on the guide map that there’s a basement floor as well...So should we move there?”

*TIMESKIP*

You have arrived in the basement.

“Just as I thought...We can’t hear the thunder down here...It’s less illuminated than the earlier floor but...It seems comfortable to stay at.”

Azusa comes to a halt.

“Oh. A door. I wonder what room this is...?”

He opens the door.

*Creaaaak*

“Woah...It’s so spacious...There’s a bunch of glass cases...Are they exhibiting something, perhaps...? ...Oh! There’s a lot of...insects. They all look like...specimen.”

You get scared, hiding behind Azusa.

*Rustle*

“Oh? What’s wrong...? No need to hide...They can’t move, so it’s fine...”

You still seem worried.

“Hm...There’s a lot of species from the Demon World but...I can spot some insects which exist in the human world as well...Ah! This! These are the bugs which devastated Yuma’s garden in the past...They ate the vegetables Yuma had been carefully growing...It was quite the fiasco...Me and Kou had to help him get rid of the bugs as well...Fufu~ Brings back memories...”

The two of you continue looking around.

“...Oh. Now that I got a better look, they’re displayed all over the walls as well. I wonder if that...large insect the size of a cushion is...real?”

You get scared again.

“...Oh. Ah...Huh? Your complexion looks...pale?”

You explain. 

“Ah...I’m sorry. I guess these are scary to you...even if they can’t move? Yet I failed to notice...Shall we leave this room now?”

You try and act tough. 

“You don’t look okay...No need to push yourself...Okay?”

*Rustle*

“Your body is...shaking. Hey, come here.”

Azusa pulls you close.

*Rustle rustle*

“I’m sure you’ll calm down in my embrace...In no time...”

He starts stroking your head.

“There, there...Everything will be okay...I’m with you...after all...”

You smile. 

“Mmh. I’m glad you seem a little more...relaxed. Ah...But you’re still a little tense...I wonder if we should touch each other more...?”

He cups your cheek.

“Whenever you do this to me...I always feel really relieved...So I figured you might feel the same...How is it?”

You tell him it feels nice.

“Fufu~ I’m glad...Then, next up...Mmh.”

*Smooch*

You get flustered.

“Hehe~ You twitched just now...Hm. Seems like you’re gradually relaxing...Also the scent of your blood...has grown sweeter. Does it feel...good, perhaps? Oh. Right. If you feel good, you’ll no longer be bothered by the specimen, right...?”

*Rustle*

“Say...I’ll suck your blood. If I do that, you don’t have to worry about a thing...”

You seem a little worried. 

“Don’t worry...Leave it to me. Mmh...”

Azusa bites you.

*Gulp*

*Sluuuurp*

“Haah...Mmh...Your blood is...extremely delicious. Say, do you feel good now?”

You don’t respond.

“What’s the matter? Was this...simply not enough? Hm...Hehe. However, you’re enraptured. Your cheeks are flushed and...you’ve got that dreamy look in your eyes. Haah...I wonder why you are this cute?”

You quickly cover your face with both hands.

“Oh...Why would you hide your face? I want to...see it.”

You explain.

“It’s...embarrassing? Hm...There’s really no reason to conceal it though. But...If you don’t want to, I won’t force you...You can keep your hands there, okay? I’ll suck your blood from here...”

He bites you again.

*Sluuuuurp*

“...Haah...Such sweet noises...Even though you said it’s embarrassing...You actually wanted me to do this...right? Hehe. I’ll bite other places too...”

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp gulp*

“Mmh...Hah...Haah...Oh. You no longer...need to hide your face? Has your mind...gone blank?”

You nod.

“Fufu~ I’m glad that’s the case. ...Your body has...stopped shivering as well, it seems...I wanted to do this for your sake but...I ended up getting a little too into it as well. Hm...The wounds aren’t deep so I’m sure the bleeding has stopped already...”

Azusa takes a deep breath.

“The whole room’s filled with the scent of blood now, huh...? It might be good that there’s...no other Vampires here. If someone else was around, it might have lead to trouーー”

A sudden gust of wind can be heard.

“O-Oh...? Ah...What was that just now...? The sound of the wind...? It kind of sounded like someone...crying?”

You tell Azusa you don’t like being here.

“...M-Mmh...Guess we should take our leave soon...? It might have...stopped raining by now. Let’s head back up.”

*TIMESKIP*

*Creaaaak*

“Ugh...Oh? Huh? We ended up in a...different room? Did we take...a wrong turn?”

Azusa steps into the room.

“It’s better lit than the other rooms...There’s a canvas and art supplies...Everything’s all over the place. ...Seems like this isn’t an exhibition room. There’s no specimen either, so don’t worry. Say...This might be a working space? Oh...If that’s the case...We might get scolded for entering without permission, right? Let’s quickly leave. It’d be troublesome if...we were to stain something important...”

He bumps into something while turning around.

*Thud*

*Flip*

“...Aah! Oh...I dropped them...S-Sorry...!”

Azusa kneels down to pick up the papers and so do you.

“Ah...Thank you for helping me...”

The two of you pick up the drawings.

“I guess we’ve got them all now...?”

*Flip*

“Oh...These were drawn with...pencil, I suppose? What a beautiful person...It’s the same woman portrayed on all of them. I’m sure she was...someone very important.”

T/N: From this point onwards, I will be putting fake Azusa’s dialogue between ( ) and changing the font to bolded italics. This CD has both the real and the fake Azusa interacting with you and each other, so hopefully that will make it a bit easier to tell them apart.

( Exactly. She was important. )

“...E-Eh?”

( To me, she was irreplaceable.... )

“...!? W-Who are you...? Where are you...!?”

( Right here. Look at the wall. )

“Oh? ...Huh? My...portrait? Are you the one...who talked just now?”

( That’s right. Nice to meet you, dear visitors. Ah. I suppose it would be rude to introduce myself from within the canvas. )

The fake Azusa steps out of the frame.

( ...Uhm, let me greet you one more time. Nice to meet you, dear visitors. Welcome to the museum. )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー