#so i say idk a lot because i'm processing my answer ... and then trying to put it into words ......

[talkorsomething]

I really can't decide if the public-facing breakdowns are actually leading to the resolution of said public facing breakdowns or if i'm just slightly too irritable at all times

[welldrawnfish]

How do I know if I'm plural?

I recently started talking to myself as like, a way to reassure and encourage myself and stuff. Saying stuff like "you're fine, you didn't do anything wrong" or "Do you want to do X, Y, Z... Z? Alright, let's do Z then." And now I'm not sure if it's just a good coping strategy for me or if I might be plural?

Like I'm not sure sometimes if the person doing the reassuring and the person being reassured are the same person, y'know? And sometimes it feels almost like a kind of dialogue, but other times it just feels like I'm speaking into a void? Are we median? Am I only one gal? Dunno!

And idk what if I'm just trying to like. Appropriate plurality because I think it's neat or something. I know and see a lot of systems and genuinely do think plurality is rly cool so what if I'm just trying to be plural on some level. It always feels kinda deliberate when I talk to myself

Needless to say I am very lost and thinking about it is making my head hurt and my chest tighten. Sorry if this is a bit of a long ask you don't have to respond I'm just trying to find answers however I can

I'm a bit under the weather rn im sorry if this is loopy so I want to make a comic on this eventually, Im just no good at general infographics Plurality is vast, complex, and varied. So its hard to say yes or no based on this But heres the three rules I'll follow looking for plurality without typical DID/OSDD redflags 1. If you have opposing thoughts or morals appear in your thinking process, particularly after a stressful event. 2. If you have names, images, or other things associated with these reassuring voice 3. If people say you have different "modes" or literally say you act like a differnet person sometimes and its confusing. 4. If these voices in your head arent... yours. Its hard to explain, but I feel like those with plurality could explain. --- Ultimately if you want to find out if your plural, 1st.

Be ready if you are scared, might freakout, or are actively angry or upset at these thoughts, understand that if an alter can emerge, they wont if they are under threat. You have to be kind, ready to accept them, and most importantly ready to apologize the them if you were toxic before. They can tell if you are sincere. 2nd.

Look yourself in the mirror, ask to meet anybody in there, tell them Thank you for existing.

3rd.

Imagine yourself a headspace if you don't have one. This is an imaginary world that can be anything you want from vast universes to an empty void. But create a place to meet.

Meditate, create a place to see them, to meet them, to speak with them. Be patient, focus on breathing, focus on visualizing the space. Try to exist solely within that space. Invite them there, they might show 4. Be Ready. Plurality cannot be unseen once you see it, your life will never be the same. And ultimately it could be the best thing ever, but it can be incredibly hard, rocky, and bring up alot of trauma in your life. Be sure you want to explore this and are in a point of your life you are able to handle it.

-- If theres any advice from more educated systems let me know, im not the most educated here, these are just whats worked for me.

[sxcret-garden]

HI ITS 🪐 ANON AGAIN, SO I FINALLY REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS ALSO THINKING ABT THE OTHER DAY so most likely of any of the the ateez members (i don't have a specific one you can choose BAHASHFKCNMXKD) with an s/o who is like pretty quiet in bed like bcs sometimes people take it as a bad thing but IDK i'm not super loud so it just makes me wonder :")

Aaaaaaa i'm finally getting to this as i try to empty out my askbox a bit!! Sorry for the long wait 😭 gonna answer this as an mtl, explanations are under the cut~

most

Jongho

Yunho

Yeosang

Mingi

Seonghwa

Wooyoung

San

Hongjoong

least

I put Jongho first cause I think even if you don't make noise at all he wouldn't mind, so long as you have other means to communicate whether you like what he's doing at the moment or if he should change things up a bit. Will definitely be more talkative in this case and fill the silence with praises and muttered "I love you"s, and always asks if you feel good. The type to hum in response when he does tickle a sound out of you, and if he manages to make you moan as he makes you cum, he will certainly tease you about it with a soft smile afterwards - don't be fooled though, this guy adores every single sound you make, and will figure out over time how to lure those sweet whines out of you

Yunho does like hearing your voice during sex, and even as you're making out and fooling around before getting to business, but I think he actually prefers a partner who's on the quiet side. Little whines and silent moans do so much more to him than if his partner is super loud, and you bet he'd get drunk on hearing your voice like this alone. Whispers all the things he wants to do to you in between kisses, and if all you can respond with is a weak whine against his lips he'll just feel that much more turned on (and this might lowkey make him want to ruin you....)

I think Yeosang is a bit similar to Yunho, in that he prefers a partner who isn't super loud. He does like having you talk to him during sex, because the communication makes him feel comfortable during the whole process, but if you're not one to moan a lot or to cry out when he hits just the right spot that's totally fine with him. Even just the way your breathing speeds up and becomes heavier as you're nearing your high is a sound he'll appreciate and that'll make him eager to keep going. Whisper praises into his ear about how good he's making you feel and the guy is melting under your words alone

I see Mingi as the shy type if he hasn't been with a partner for long enough, so I think he'd absolutely understand if you're not very vocal in bed - whether the reason is because you're shy about it or because it's simply not your style. However, he will encourage you to let out your voice a bit more when he's having sex with you, because he's just really really curious about all the sounds you might make while he's pleasuring you. Very patient and will do his best to ease you into the process, and whenever you let out even the most quiet of moans he'll be right there to tell you how beautiful your voice sounds to him and how much hearing you turns him on

Seonghwa would definitely be surprised if you're barely making a sound, eventually stopping what he's doing to question whether you're enjoying yourself or if you're just doing this for his sake (which he really doesn't want). It definitely feels a little unfamiliar to him at first to have such a quiet partner, but that isn't to say he wouldn't get used to it. Would definitely talk to you more than he would with a more vocal partner, and will naturally slow down a bit to make sure you're liking what he's doing. However, he would certainly also sometimes nudge you to make more sounds, because no matter how understanding he is, there are times where he's just desperate to hear your voice during sex

I put Wooyoung so low because I'm convinced he'd have sooo much fun with a very vocal, loud partner, and because I think he's very vocal as well. He too will be surprised when he learns that you tend to be very quiet in bed, and this will just instantly make him that much softer for you. Doesn't know what to do with himself when he gets to hear your soft whines and deep sighs at the way he's touching you, and will soon find himself addicted to luring those little noises out of you. He just can't stop himself and will go as far as to overstimulate you out of pure curiousity and because it's fascinating to him how you can make him feel so many feelings at once with a simple quiet mewl

Now San is one who needs the verbal communication, even if it's just you two moaning at each other's touches. Gets seriously worried if you don't make a single sound because he's scared you might not like being intimate with him or that he's set you off in some way. However, he will be soso soft for you in an instant once he hears you give him little whines and moans or even if you whisper a curse through gritted teeth - the latter especially is gonna be such a huge turn on for him. I feel like he'd naturally match your energy and sex with him is gonna be a lot softer if you're on the quiet side than if you're very vocal from the start (but that doesn't mean he won't be willing to be rough or more experimental if you ask him to!)

I feel like Hongjoong lives off of dirty talk and getting the most desperate noises out of you, which is why he's last in the list! Not to say I don't see him enjoying himself with a quiet partner, but sometimes this guy just needs someone to talk back at him and his teasing as he's fucking you, someone to whisper the dirtiest things into his ear and to let him hear the sweetest whines when he's going just a bit too slow on purpose, and sometimes also someone to shower him with praises while you're making love at the end of a rough day. Just loves hearing your voice so much and the way you talk to him during sex just turns him on the most out of everything, so he just thinks it's a shame he doesn't get to hear more of it! Though he will be the most understanding ever if you're not comfortable with the idea of being a little louder too

[relevant-wikipedia-articles]

merry christmas!!!!!

This may seem weird, but I do this all of the time and I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I'm not sure if this is your first time or not, so I'm going to explain your situation just in case, as well as how I tend to go about dealing with it

It's a fairly uncommon issue, so hopefully others who see this post will learn how to identify when this happens and how to support people in this situation while they work through it

Anyways, there's no easy way to put this so I'm just going to say it outright: you've accidentally time travelled. I recommend taking at least a few seconds to sit with that thought

Now, just trust me on this, you'll want to go back to your original time. You may think it'll be fun to be in the past/future, but time is no joke. It takes A Lot of energy to stay outside of your time, and there's so many other downsides to not being in the right time that you'll just want to trust me when I tell you that you'll want to go back to your own time. You'll see what I mean as you try to sort all of this out

With that out of the way, you're probably thinking something along the lines of "how on earth did I time travel at all, let alone without even realising it‽", and, unfortunately, there's no simple answer to that

Every so often, there'll be something that you do that makes you travel through time. It can be either forwards or backwards, but it'll always be in the same direction each "season". The amount that you travel can vary though. For me, it's usually anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of days. To get back to your own time, you're going to have to identify this action, and, whenever you do it, simply do it again but swap when you inhale and exhale. It sounds silly, but it's the best way I've found to fix it. Idk why it works, but if there's a better way to go about fixing this then I don't know about it

Actually fixing it is the easy part. The hard part is figuring out what you're doing that causes you to time travel, since it can pretty much be anything. I do this by keeping a journal of what I do each day, as well as a list of days that I notice I've travelled farther away from my own time. Then I'll compare the two every so often and work my way towards narrowing down the exact action. This can sometimes take a Very Long Time, so the best advice I can give you is to just take life one day at a time

Now, you'll notice I didn't tell you *how* to tell when you've gotten farther from your own time, and that's because it's yet another tricky thing to pin down. Usually, I'll be able to tell from inconsistencies between my memory and my journal. Maybe I don't remember answering this ask, but I wrote in my journal that I did. Maybe Alice is complaining I never texted her back, even though I literally have screenshots of me texting her back in my journal (said screenshots have since irrecoverably corrupted). *Maybe* my phone's battery percentage doesn't line up with how quickly my phone charges and the time my journal says I plugged in my phone

Yeah. Like I said, this is the hardest part. Once you get out of "action id hell" though, getting back to your own time is a fairly straightforward process (though you will feel like an idiot while doing it): you just gotta alternate doing that action, followed by doing that action with the inhaling and exhaling swapped. I think doing the action triggers the time shift or whatever, and then doing it again with the breaths swapped reverses the direction, but, again, I have No Clue how or why this works

Some other things to note:

While you're going back to your own time, don't worry about the people from the time you're leaving. There's an uncountably infinite number of yous all going through the same process right now, and the you from the time you're leaving will replace you when it's all over

You probably won't get the action right on your first try. In fact, it'll probably take a few attempts to get it right. Just remember to be patient and take things one day at a time

Don't worry too much about being out of the loop when you get back to your own time. In a few days, the memories from the you that made it to your time will come back to you and it'll be like it never happened

Now, if this has never happened to you, and you want to know how you can help those going through this, my biggest piece of advice is to just be patient. You can offer your own theories as to what the action they're looking for is, but be respectful if they aren't comfortable talking about it. For some people, it can be a very personal thing

One thing you can do is offer to help them with everyday tasks. Like I said, being outside of your own time takes A Lot of extra energy, so taking some of their work upon yourself is a great way to help them through this. Don't overwork yourself though. They'll find consistency much more comforting than sudden bursts of help (also, overworking yourself is generally a bad idea)

Above all though, just be patient. It's going to take a while for them to sort this out, and I'm sure they're just as annoyed at it all as you are

[viktorrights]

hello! i want to start off with thanking you for sharing coming home (but not to you) with us!

i was hesitant to read it at first, just because it’s not finished yet, but ofc i ended up giving in. best decision i’ve made :’))

aaaaaaaaaaa im in love with how you wrote them. gosh, the angst hits amazingly, i immediately ran to my friend to share it and told them to read this now!!! i’m a sucker for professors au (we’re lacking in it /sobs), slow-burn, angst, yearning, friends to rivals to friends to lovers again and your fic matches all those! and to top it off, your writing is amazing!

LOVER BOY JAYCE, MY FAVOURITE FLAVOUR OF HIM!!! fawk i just want to give him a hug and a pat on the back /becomes ximena for a bit to just do that/ lmao

and viktor huhuhu holy fuck how do i even describe what i feel for him? i think the best way to express it is /takes off mask/ i am jayce—jk dbdbdjd but yeah i love viktor a lot and i feel so much for him idk how to form the words😭 he’s my favourite and i love love love the way you write him! i love how you were able to balance his confidence and insecurities so well i just want to squish him dhdhdhd i think at some point i was praying he stops being stubborn and let jayce apologize, but honestly it’s hard and i understand why he was very firm. gods the tender moments between him and jayce huhuhu i want to bawl my eyes—i love jayvik so much.

the highlights for me were the catnapping (love this scene), viktor’s mentorship with jinx (my two faves😭🩷), the sisters’ reunion, ximena (omg i love her so much, i want to be her child and get smothered by her love), and ofc, the apology scene😭🩷🩷🩷

this was supposed to be just a small thank you and then get to my questions, but i ended up gushing a bit ^^; i should have probably taken this to ao3 comments instead dbdhdhd

so moving on to my questions, please know you don’t have to answer them if you’re not comfortable! i’m just interested in knowing some of the process authors’ go through when writing fics! and the way they choose to interpret the characters and their relationships.

- what made you watch arcane and fall for jayvik?

- were there any troublesome scenes/parts to write?

- which dynamics were you excited to write and explore in cmbnty?

- were there scenes that you wanted to incorporate, but didn’t end up adding?

- and lastly, other than arcane and jayvik, what are some of your interests?

that’s all!! and once again, please free to ignore the questions if you’d like!

p.s i laughed so hard on your author’s note about jayce not driving a cybertruck😭

thank you so much again for sharing cmbnty!

<3

HOLY MOLY THIS IS SO SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL!!!! I LOVE QUESTIONS!! I'm going to take some time to answer this one so here. Also, I do get into the current chapter a little (no spoilers, obviously, but maybe some lil hints/teasers, so I hope that's cool)

thank you so much for your thoughts on my viktor and jayce! I've worked so hard on trying to make them just the right amount of difficult and flawed so I love it when people see that and says it hits <3

the catnapping scene was so fun to write - and I adore jinx - so I'm glad those two things also hit fo you <3

i first watched arcane when it came out in 2021 because I saw gifs of it on tumblr and was so thrown by how beautiful the animation was. (I wont lie, controversially, I almost gave up on it because the music was so..... choice to me). i loved jayvik at the time. i was really hoping caitvi was going to hit harder (another reason I got into it is I heard lesbians) but I didn't really connect with the enforcer elements of caitlyn's story (I love her but yeah I found it all a bit questionable and I'm very very sick of lesbian cops in media)

i was obsessed. but not 'its time to engage with the fandom' obsessed. for some reason the first season just didn't hit as hard then as it did on my re-watch.

fast forward to 2024 and sorry this is so personal - but I'm between hyperfixations and am very depressed (lethal combo DKSLFJHSD) and it was the perfect storm for me to get re-immersed in arcane after I saw the first trailer on my twitter feed.

jayvik itself hits a lot of buttons for me I just adore. they're both genuinely kind characters who are flawed but want to do good. they have a natural chemistry and I just love stories about people who hold certain gifts that may be isolating and then they find each other and it means that they become the only people who can really understand each other?

I'm also OBSESSED with scientist characters. something about the beauty of discovery. the passion. the way its so easy to create something with good intentions that winds up causing harm. i have close family in stem and did a lot of stem stuff in undergrad and idk. i just really love scientists. my ideal woman is some hot woman in stem DKFLJSHf.

viktor being disabled (which i also am) also added a layer to this for sure. and just. the immediate stakes of saving someone's life. connecting over a dream - that Jayce is just so graciously and immediately willing to share after like. a few hours alone together lmao. it all feels so intense and loving.

2. troublesome scenes to write

so many dfkljh.

the flashback in chapter 3 came kind of out of nowhere for me. i did not expect it to get so emotionally charged- and to feel so much when I was writing it. i left this note in chapter four - but I was sitting on the chapter for days and afraid to publish because I was so surprised by it. it wasn't so much troublesome to write as it was troublesome to edit/reflect on. i got really in my head. i was like this is fanfiction about league of legends characters. why did I write this? DLKFJSHD.

the flashback of their big fight in chapter 5

this one, I'm so glad I wrote this before getting eyes because I fear I would have been very tempted to sanitize it and make it less mean. even now I've gotten a few comments being like. :( jayce would never do that :(

in my opinion... he would lol and I stand by it. everybody is capable of being really ugly and horrible when pushed into the right corner/circumstances. and jayce very much did manufacture weapons on the show despite viktor's wishes - so its something I was really wanting to explore in a modern context.

its just something i had to think a lot about. how far did I want it to go? how could I make it get really nasty while keeping some sort of empathy alive for both sides, especially jayce. how to I make sure viktor doesn't become this innocent victim in it all? how do I make sure that mel, despite being a catalyst, isn't portrayed as like a villain who ruined everything and instead as someone with her own unique motivations and concerns that happened to deliver crucial information? i hope I did all of it well. I'm personally as happy with the scene as I'll get with anything.

out of all the scenes I wrote, this is the one that gets the most pushback, specifically relating to jayce. i knew that would happen going into it, because I think the fandom has an over-romanticized view of jayce's arc and actions in season 1. but oddly I'm almost happy with that? I'm glad that it challenges people. one of the things I find most compelling and beautiful about jayce is redemption. and redemption can't happen unless you do something that requires it - so I hate that people ignore how much fucked up shit he does in season 1 lmao.

mel and viktor's slay-off on the balcony

the end of chapter 11 where mel and viktor talk I just knew was going to be incredibly important. it was one of those moments I was leading up to the whole time, because I knew it would be very relevant in future chapters (wink wink) and because its such a culmination of everything that's happened so far.

on my first write of it, i think because I was afraid of it, I focused way more on the logistics of what was happening with noxus and the board etc etc. it took me a while to find a balance between plot and emotion I was comfortable with.

for some reason the entire time i knew they were going to wind up laughing together. that was very emotionally important to me. but getting there was uhh... hard. again. I'm not saying I did this (or the above scenes) perfectly like good god. but yeah this one was a hard journey.

very important/high-stakes scene in chapter 13

there is a very big scene that I've had planned the whole time that, after season 2, I found important to take in a slightly darker and more dramatic direction. a lot of reasons I was torn on this - 1 - allowing season 2 to influence my writing is something I'm hesitant about. but also this is FANFIC so I decided that's kind of the point.

but its very much been a very delicate balance of a few things - 1. how do I not get preachy and let my anger at the particular storyline in season 2 affect how I write this? 2. this deals with jayce and viktor being witnesses to other characters struggles vs being at the center of it themselves? so I have to deal with how much they can actually be present. (this was also a struggle I had when Vi and Jinx reunited) how much they would logically witness before it feels like they're only present so I can continue telling the story. 3. because its such a dramatic scene, how do I make the dialogue feel real? how do I not let a particular character speak their feelings too much while also giving people a good window into their psyche? 4. how high the stakes should be. (this I will elaborate on once its out)

i am incredibly nervous for this scene. more so than anything else I've written in this fic. I'm still working on my first draft of the chapter and am going to spend so so much time in the next drafts on it. it's going to be really hard to land this one - and I really wanna do it right.

the final scene :)

i still dont have my final scene. i know where its happening, what thematically I want of it, how we get there, and I know I'm writing it today.

there was a moment where I almost went in a direction I think people would like- but have decided against ultimately. it felt too... cliche and a bit unearned.

additionally, with characters like viktor, who really struggle with saying what's on their mind, I have to play a very careful game of giving him bits of dialogue that land and feel like growth, without feeling unearned or unnatural.

3. which dynamics were you excited to write and explore in cmbnty?

aside from the obvious, jinx and viktor (honestly after season 2, i wish i explored jayce and ekko more), mel and viktor, cait and jayce.

4. were there scenes that you wanted to incorporate, but didn’t end up adding?

there's nothing huge that jumps out at me. honestly, I think there are probably some things I could have condensed more looking at the word count. i think the only thing is I had an idea for a flashback last chapter that dealt with jayce in the aftermath of viktor leaving, but I couldn't find a way to make it relevant, and it ultimately felt very overindulgent and melodramatic in the outline in a way I really didn't fuck with.

and lastly, other than arcane and jayvik, what are some of your interests?

:) i'm really into film. i'm a bit of a film bro lmao. i like video games (huge bg3 fan). true to my ao3 name i love cats and animals in general. I'm fascinated with outer space, physics, astrobiology. I'm also a huge history nerd, especially "weird" and unheard of history.

my whole life is writing really. in a way that's probably not super healthy lmao but it is what it is.

I am so sorry for the insane yap session I just went on. hopefully it doesn't come off overindulgent or like self involved. i just love chit chatting haha and happen to be fully on a break from work for a few weeks so I have a ton of time on my hands dfklasjdf

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending my original fictional characters are my "friends" for the purpose of asking questions online?

Alright, so hear me out: I'm a writing hobbyist, I run a long-term D&D campaign, I like writing characters a lot and sometimes do it even outside of any stories, you could even say that it's my passion. Whenever I create a character that would have experience with something that I don't, I try to experience that thing myself, or if I can't, I ask others online about their experiences to make sure I can write my character accurately.

Here's the problem: back when I used to ask questions online from a writing/creative perspective, I felt like a lot of them concerning more controversial topics were getting dismissed and I got a lot of unsolicited writing advice unrelated to the original question. The most infuriating were always "You shouldn't write a character like that." or "You should change this integral part of the character to remove the issue that you're having."

Now, you can have whatever opinions you want about writing certain aspects of characters, but I would kindly ask you to shove them up your ass. I firmly believe that you can't judge a character accurately merely by their character traits written down in a vacuum, the execution is what really matters. One trait that could be seen as problematic when written badly can really enhance the character, story and it's themes if incorporated correctly. I'm not going to remove integral story-relevant characteristics of my OCs, and I sure as hell am not gonna delete them entirely just because an internet rando didn't believe that I could do them justice. Literally the entire reason why I'm asking these questions in the first place is because I'm trying to be as respectful/accurate to your culture/ethnicity/sexuality/gender/religion/disability/anything else. I GENUINELY want to learn and understand, so why don't you at least try to give me the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming it'll be done terribly?

Anyway, to give some examples of the questions that I've asked that were met with this kind of response:

"How would you write an autistic character who uses ASL but doesn't like to emote with their face?" (Was told to simply "make" the character like using their face even though it would go against how their other symptoms interact with each other, plus it would change how other characters view them and thus the story itself)

"What kind of slang would a black character raised in Brooklyn use?" (Was told to not write a black character using slang as a white person.)

"How would a Muslim character go about leaving their religion after losing their faith?" (Was told that the mere idea of an ex-muslim person was offensive)

I don't know if other writers also struggle with this, or if I'm just the unluckiest and always attract those kinds of people somehow, but after having to deal with it way too much I simply started lying and pretending that my characters are real so people would stop questioning my writing choices and just focus on answering my actual questions. For example, instead of the three questions above nowadays I would ask:

"Me and my Autistic friend are learning ASL together, but she doesn't like making expressions for sensory reasons. Is there anything else she can do?"

"What are some examples of actual slang used by black people in Brooklyn? My friend is from there but he likes to mess with me by coming up with fake words and pretending like they're slang, at this point idk what to believe."

"My friend lost their faith and is planning on leaving Islam. They don't have access to internet due to their parents so they wanted me to ask about what could be the possible consequences and how go about the process, or even where to start."

Also, obviously, I do way more research than just these questions, but I also really want to know the opinion of people in these communities about these topics and the discussion that develops from it. That's not something that simply reading a book or an article on a topic can give you and I believe that interacting with the community itself is an important part of properly portraying characters that belong to them as well. Still, a few of my friends told me that it's kinda shitty of me to lie in this way, especially when the end goal is to be respectful about certain traits yet me lying to these people is a sign of disrespect in their opinion. Personally I don't see it that way, I simply want people answering my questions to treat them seriously and if presenting them as real scenarios is what gets them to do it I feel like I have no choice, it has nothing to do with the respect I have for the communities in question.

Also, if this matters at all: 90% of my writing is entirely personal and will never be published in any way at all, the other 10% being the writing that I do for my D&D campaign which only my players get to witness.

So, with all of that out of the way, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[schrodinger-swriter]

I ask for lute but I have no clue what so you can like choose a reader thing or…idk 3 prompts or 3 number things-I’m sorry I can’t give an answers ;-;

Y, F, and I for Lute

Not much to say today in my notes again, I've tried a new creamer today.. I'm starting to think I don't like creamers in my coffee, besides it makes my stomach hurt... the taste isn't worth it..

I hope you enjoy, Anon!

FAMILY

She never really thought about having kids, it's just something that has never crossed her mind. Given that she's fully devoted herself to Heaven as an exterminator, and the fact that she was already stumped and pressed for time when it came for you... Children is likely not the best. At least not right now... She doesn't have the time for them nor the emotional care that is needed when caring for them, she's still stiff and curt when it comes to you sometimes. She's still learning how to be... soft..

INJURY

When she gets injured she just keeps on trucking on. I don't think I need to explain, given that we see her lose her arm and keep on fighting. This is the same with a lot of her other injuries, it takes a lot to keep her down.. in the process this may lead to more injuries. Due to not being sure if she is Heaven born or was human once, it's hard to say how well she will heal... and that's assuming Winners follow the same regeneration rules as Sinners. No injuries unless caused by an angelic weapon... Moving on, Lute tends to be able to take care of herself well and sometimes even shuts you down if you ask to patch her up. It's a sense of needing to be strong enough to be able to do things on your own, taught to be a solider and to keep on going no matter what. Something that needs to be worked through if the relationship needs to keep going, it can go only on for so long when one party refuses to be vulnerable.

Oddly enough, when you're injured Lute is quick to try to patch you up. It is likely due to her viewing you as someone needing to be protected. She's even more firm in tending to your wounds if you're not an exterminator... perhaps because you don't have the same toughness and resilience as her?

YEARN

Lute doesn't yearn all that much. If you need to go for a few days or you're mostly away.. and only come home to sleep, then leaving immediately after... she can handle that. She's lived without you before and she can do it again, not to make it sound like you guys have broken up. Because you haven't, you've just been... away..

[bonesandthebees]

HOW DO YOU WRITE SO WELL

like, the general way you write omfg i was hoping to get some tips since i want to get into the type of writing you do (idk the name lol)

your fics have just not left my mind at all and i wanna learn how you make them stick

aw thank you that's so sweet! I'm so glad you enjoy my stories :D

as for your question, I always say this and it's not really the 'fun' answer or the one that people want to hear but the truth of the matter is that I got good at writing by writing. a lot. I've been writing on a near daily basis since I was 13 or so. I started writing original stories, but later when I was 15 I got into fanfic and really thrived using that as writing practice. regardless of whether or not you post what you write, just the act of putting words down is going to help you. whether that be rewriting movie scenes with your favorite blorbos or coming up with the most self indulgent fluffy stuff that you never want to see the light of day, or plotting out massively expansive stories with grand plots and worldbuilding, no matter what it is it's going to help you gain a natural sense for rhythm and word choice and all that stuff.

besides practicing writing, reading is also very helpful for improving your writing. and I don't mean reading fanfic. while of course there is some amazing fanfiction out there, you do actually need to read published novels as well. now I'm not saying you have to go out and read the entire book list from your 9th grade english class (although classic novels are incredibly important and beneficial to read), but just read any books. try to branch out into new genres. if you're only interested in reading YA romance, sure go for it, but once you get in the swing of reading regularly you should look for recommendations in other genres. there are a ton of lists online that will tell you "if you like X book then you'll love Y-" so try to find those. don't limit yourself to books only meant for one demographic. you'll get the most benefit for your writing from reading widely and seeing how many different types of authors do things. you can pick apart different writing styles and figure out what you like about each, then try to emulate that in your own work. do you like when descriptions are kept short but use very vivid language? try doing that in your own writing when setting a scene. do you like when a characters thought process starts rambling on and on for multiple paragraphs, really giving the reader a sense of their inner mind? try doing that yourself.

experiment! practice! have fun with it! write what you want and try not to get too caught up in what's going to 'get popular' or anything because then you'll just make yourself miserable if you don't get the hits you want. of course that's easier said than done but try your best to hold onto the mindset of writing for yourself first and foremost. make the stories you want to read.

hope that helps!

[windvexer]

This is kind of a large question so I apologize but I guess I'm curious on how you're able to get such specific or like. unique (i mean this in a good way) answers from tarot? Like your "what magic should i learn next" stuff or how to pick up what a spirit can do through tarot. like idk how to translate these cards into what the spirit is trying to say

Hi!

There's no easy answer to this question, partially because I've now been reading tarot for almost exactly 16 years. This isn't at all to say that it's just the passage of time, but that in that amount of time I've done tons and tons of different things to expand my understanding of, and usage, of tarot.

Tarot didn't come to me very easily, and part of that journey was doing a lot of experimentation in an effort to figure it all out. My reading practice is still very much typified by a huge amount of experimentation and custom reading methods.

It hasn't been a linear process at all. I go through periods of months (or more!) where tarot just doesn't click for me, at all. So just because I picked up my first tarot deck 16 years ago doesn't mean that I've kept a consistent practice (I'm just now getting back into it after just such a fallow period ^-^)

My feelings on experimentation is that it gives me new ways to think about not only the cards, but also spreads, methodologies, and readings as a whole.

In addition, my experiments with other forms of divination (most especially casting lots, energy readings, and playing card readings) have heavily influenced my tarot readings.

Here is a post I wrote that I think expresses my feelings on experimenting within tarot.

Here are some examples of tarot experiments I've performed, and/or methodologies I've explored. It's these sorts of things that have been building blocks in my abilities in tarot. But no single one of them was a "key."

Elemental dignities: The elements of the cards dictates how they interact with each other. Air + fire can mean a supercharged firestorm, but water + fire can mean a controlled fire under a stewpot, or blocked progress of the fire. This experiment helps with understanding how cards can link together, and how energy can flow within a spread.

Elemental landscapes: Spreads are laid down in lines or grids and each card represents one aspect of the landscape. You must brainstorm and choose your own meanings. E.g., 8/wands is an exploding volcano. Queen/Cups is a lake inhabited by mermaids. Read the flow of weather patterns and energies through the spread as an answer to the question. This experiment helps with intuitive reading and working with a spread as a whole, instead of focusing on individual cards.

Elemental portents: Assign an element to your question. Draw a card. If the element on the card agrees with the element of your question, the portent is good; if it disagrees, the portent is bad. This experiment helps with learning how to phrase questions and how the question themselves can influence the balance of the deck.

Astral landscapes: This was an elaborate system I built around the Wooden Tarot. I worked with each card to assign it a mystical association that could occur in an astral landscape. The major arcana were spirits who could travel across the landscape. Each spread was like a playing board of a generated landscape and the spirits that interacted inside of it. This experiment was fun for considering the metaphysical ramifications of the energies of the cards themselves.

Numerical virtues: The number value of the card indicates its power and magnitude in the spread. 2 and 3 value cards are always of smaller power and significance. 10 and court cards are always of higher value. Aces may be high or low. This experiment gave me a new way of thinking about importance of each card, and how to blend magnitudes of significance.

Infinite directional wheel: I wrote a post on this actually, but basically you can keep placing cards forever in the cross-quarter positions. It's a meditation on the concept of elements and directions within witchcraft. Also, an extremely useful spread. This was a vital experiment for me in understanding spreadwork, flow of information, and linking cards.

Card doubling and tripling: Place two (or 3) cards together and determine the meaning as if it's one single card; there is no border, and the images combine with each other. The pictures and meanings of each combine into a single card.

Card doubling and tripling, but in spreads: For each position in the spread, place two cards (or three cards!) in place of one. Read the dyads or triads as if they are a single card. It isn't beginning/middle/end; it's a single triple-complex card! These doubling experiments helped me with the concept of card linking and blending meanings into unique interpretations.

Custom meaning sets: Basically, swap out all the default meanings with your own. Extremely useful IMO in learning how sets of meanings work together, and how to balance sets of meanings. I wrote a post on it here. These experiments have perhaps been the most vital for me in developing new interpretations. I believe that the magical skills readings you referenced were the result of custom meaning sets.

No meaning sets: Instead of using any card meanings, all spreads are resolved using a combination of elemental portents and numerical virtues. I.e., the element and number of a card in relation to other cards in the spread determines the reading. Here, the experimentation is allowing the cards to have strict, defined roles within a spread that can't be overwritten by personal intuition.

As a final note, I highly, highly recommend recording every reading you do and every card you draw. For the first couple years of my practice I recorded all readings, and it was a huge boost to my learning.

[justajsworkshop]

There's so much content, so many opinions on what works and what doesn't. I'm just scared to commit because I dont want to waste my time following the wrong teachings and rules😭Its been years in this community. do you maybe have any advice for me? As in who/what I can follow and what to do?

my advice is to take a step back and think about this from another perspective. let me give you a hypothetical:

for two seconds, just pretend that manifesting doesn't exist, and we gotta do everything the good ol' 3D way.

you have a friend who wants to lose weight, but they've never been to a gym before, they don't know a lot about healthy eating, they have no clue where to begin. they start researching weight loss tips but everyone is saying different stuff. keto, paleo, veganism, carb cycling, reverse dieting, lift weights, do cardio, workout every day, get rest days in, get 10k steps a day, etc.

this friend is frustrated, confused, and worried about how they're going to achieve their goal when everyone has different advice and perspectives. they pick up one approach for a day or two, maybe even a week or two, but ultimately back down from it because they're afraid it's all been a waste because someone else said something different works better. they're making zero progress along the way and losing faith in themselves and their ability to "do this right."

they come to you for advice and ask: what do i do?

what's your answer?

and i literally mean tell yourself the answer because your advice is going to be the best advice for yourself since no one knows you better than you. the biggest piece of advice i could give you right now is to learn how to become your own best friend on this journey.

there's a lot of different voices and opinions out there because there's literally infinite ways to manifest/shift. there is no one right way; there's only your way. manifesting isn't about what so-n-so says on zwitter or what j posts on tungles. it's not about methods or processes. it's about YOU.

at a certain point, you gotta be willing to break out of your fear and break some eggs to make an omelette. try stuff, test it out, see what you like and don't like. you're never going to find the right approach that works for you from the sidelines. no one likes to talk about the trial and error period because they don't wanna come off as limited, but honestly, some stuff you can't find out for yourself unless you just give it an honest shot to see if it resonates for you.

focus less on committing to/doing the wrong thing and adopt a growth mindset around this. be a scientist. experiment, document, reflect, iterate. like, you literally cannot "lose" anything from that perspective because you're always gaining knowledge and understanding of yourself and what works/resonates with you.

i really don't get why people are so afraid of trying because idk, maybe it's just my business mindset, but in business, we always say "fail fast." cuz when you do, it breaks you out of this overwhelming fear of messing up. just do it imperfectly. do it scared. do it confused. just TRY NEW THINGS and see what happens. no one can deem what does or doesn't work for you but YOU.

conscious manifesting is not a spectator sport. it's literally in the name lmao. you gotta be a conscious, i.e., an active, participant in the process. don't confuse this with efforting hard. you really just gotta be aware of yourself. that's it.

i know it's not the sexy "just decide you're doing it perfectly" -- which you def can do, and this helps. really, start encouraging yourself and telling yourself you're doing great and youre proud of yourself, too. healthy/positive self talk works wonders. but sometimes you literally just have to get over your own fear and insecurities and just try shit out because reality can't move until you do. you might as well start now!

really, just break some fuckin eggs.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

omg??? Why am I already tearing up over this fic???

🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞

IDK but I'm glad!!!

78 for 🪞:

---

A very new, very much still getting to know each other couple. That hardly seems to factor into a decision like this. 

“You’re serious,” Buck says. 

“As serious as you were when you suggested it to us,” Bobby replies.

“You think I could do it?” Buck asks. 

Bobby smiles. “I do. But it’s a big decision. Huge. Don’t jump in either direction without thinking it through.”

Buck feels a little frozen. He did not come here thinking this was an option he’d live with. He’d counted himself out. Assumed he wasn’t a plausible choice. But something wriggles around in his brain at the thought of being the person to do this. Something positive. He’s always wanted to be a father. He hadn’t exactly considered this pathway. But why not? This is pretty much the age he met Christopher, and Christopher isn’t biologically his, and he couldn’t love that kid any more. He knows he could feel the same way about another kid, the right kid. And this does seem sort of… Serendipitous? 

“And you know...” Bobby continues. “Whatever you decide, you have a whole family of people here who support you and who would help you.”

Buck’s shoulders sag a little. 

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

He has a lot to think about now. 

▪️▪️▪️

Wrestling with a big question about his life, Buck goes to the next most important person he has to factor into his decision-making. Eddie. 

“Do you think I could adopt a kid?” Buck asks when he shows up to Eddie’s, unannounced, directly after leaving Bobby and Athena’s apartment.

Eddie blinks, clearly thrown. He’s sitting in his living room folding laundry in front of the television. 

“Is this about Pipe Baby?” He asks.

“Her name is Dove,” Buck reminds him. “And yes.”

“Dove,” Eddie amends. “I’m not sure what you’re asking, Buck.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you asking if you are actually able to adopt a child or if I think you’d be good at it?” Eddie asks. 

“Both?” Buck asks, walking into the living room to flop down on the couch beside Eddie.

“Well, I don’t know anything about the process,” Eddie says. “So to the first point, I have no clue. To the second point, you already know what I think.”

“I do?” Buck asks.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I didn’t make you Christopher’s guardian in the case of my death because I think you’d be a shitty parent.”

Right. Eddie has a lot of faith in him. 

“But that’s Christopher,” Buck points out. “I already know him.”

Buck has already thought about this, of course. He just wants Eddie’s opinion.

“But you didn’t always,” Eddie says. “And you always treated him like he was important and capable and worth getting to know, anyway.”

“Because he is,” Buck replies.

“You don’t think she is, too?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah. I do think she probably is,” Buck admits.

“Then there you go.”

“That easy, huh?” Buck asks.

“That easy,” Eddie answers.

“You’re not going to try and talk me out of it? Tell me how hard it’ll be?”

Eddie shrugs, focusing back on his laundry. “You can ask Hen how hard it’ll be. She knows better than anyone. As for talking you out of it? I know how you are when you get your head fixated on a problem.”

[tippertot]

I just got caught up on interpolation and I have to say I seriously seriously love that fics version of Chert

If there's anything you can share about them that's not spoilers for future parts of the fic I would seriously love to read it because I'm so curious about their history (and their relationship with Gabbro and their hallucinations and everything about them)

If you don't want to share anything about them I just seriously have to say how much I appreciate the way they're written I haven't been able to stop thinking about them since I read chapter 20 and like oh my god I can't express how much I love them and idk thank you for making me cry ::)

CHERT!!!

Chert is so important to me. i remember meeting them in-game and asking all these questions like "what is a supernova? ::)" that I, an ASTRONAUT should DEFINITELY ALREADY KNOW. but i was impressed by how they answered, really simply but also not dumbing anything down or teasing you/going off on you for asking (unlike SOME npcs (Slate)). i was immediately like "wow you're nice! i like you! sorry about the trauma!"

as far as my fic goes, they've had issues with properly interpreting reality for the past several years. this more typically shows itself as paranoia, feeling like other people are against them or wish them ill or are trying to sabotage them, but when stressed can escalate to visual and auditory hallucinations. (this whole concept stems from me seeing the notes the would leave around in the game that would say like PROPERTY OF CHERT and then me overblowing that into a whole thing lol)

as it gradually got worse, a support team was formed for them, and it was eventually realized that these were symptoms of mental illness. so from there they started the process of trying different formulas of medications to deal with the symptoms. and they were at least partially successful!

Chert now has a relatively good understanding of the way their brain works and the have a good support system and coping mechanisms they can use to help when they're in a bad mental place, but this is all still pretty new for them and their mental illness isn't 100% managed yet.

while Chert can be rather private about the specific details (mainly because of their paranoia and prevent accidental interference with coping mechanisms), they don't have any problem openly discussing their mental illness on a big-picture level. there is no stigma in the community related to it, and it did not affect their ability to join OWV.

around the time Chert was in the middle of getting all this figured out, they were spending time with Tektite outside the village. Tektite (closest thing the Hearthians got to a therapist) was the one that figured out that Chert's issues might benefit from a more medically-inclined intervention and proposed the support team, which included Gneiss and Porphy.

at the same time as this, Tektite picked up on Gabbro also having some issues and started bringing them under their wing. and Chert just like pointed excitedly at Gabbro like "oh! you're mentally ill too!" and the two of them + Tektite became a little Mental Illness Club.

Gabbro was an a pretty vulnerable period in their life that involved a lot of self-doubt, so having someone like Chert around who could happily and casually chat about brains not working right was a big help for them. and Gabbro is very good at listening and not being judgmental, so as they spent more time together, Gabbro joined the short list of people that Chert trusts enough to get into the gritty details of what they're dealing with.

we will be focusing in on both Gabbro and Chert in a couple of upcoming chapters!

[bluedeedeedoop]

My Thoughts on Tales of the Empire; mostly Barriss (spoilers ahead!)

Ah hello all, i have had some days or so to think since watching the show and to say it has completely wiped me of my life force would be... pretty accurate tbh. BUT I HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO POST MY THOUGHTS. will this cover my entire though process that im sTill working through? PROBABLY NOT! my thoughts are very unorganized and very unstable! ANYWAAAAYS.

Now I just gotta say overall, the show itself definitely passed the test. To be completely honest, i wasn't really paying attention to the Morgan parts as i was the Barriss parts, since it was literally what I was looking forward to this entire time.

Though I will say that the first Morgan episode was pretty neat! it was crazy seeing that perspective of the Nightsisters again and god did they make Grievous fucking terrifying. Honestly, bravo to them, it was amazing. I diiiiid end up just.. kinda spacing out the rest of it tho unfortunately cuz i just wanted to see barriss..

Visuals 10000/10. stunning, amazing, phenomenal, gahdamn. the animation was so smooth and fluid and uGHH it was amazing throughout the entire show. Acting amazing as always. BUT GOD I CANT GET OVER HOW AMAZING THE ANIMATION WAS.

NOW.

In my opinion, they got her character pretty on the dot. I am SO glad they did. I was rlly rlly worried they were totally butcher her character and make her unrecognizable to all of us but oml they didn't completely disappoint us, she has her morals, SHES STILL A HEALER! Im so happy from that.

Now although i did enjoy it, i do have my own little complaints.

Now okay one i noticed since the trailer and has REALLY been bugging me; where are her hand tattoos??? idk i guess i just wasn't expecting them to just be gone?? they couldn't have just forgotten them.. right? I dunno, but unless someone has a genuine answer for that, imma just keep drawing them on her in the future.

??????

Alright another thing i've been seeing ppl post about is how come she looked so old at the end? I am also confused on that and i've seen multiple theories. She should only be like 30-35 max right?? Because i'm assuming the last episode took place a the time in Rebels where the inquisitors were after the force sensitive children, and Ahsoka was around that age a the time, so why is Barriss any different?

I suppose the one i think makes the most sense is the force healing? I guess it could take a toll on her over the years causing her to look more aged, but still, i'd really prefer an explanation. Also what happened to her hair coverings?? Is that not her culture?? I dunno, again, i really need an explanation. I suppose that maybe her perspective has changed since trying to come to terms with her new life, and her ditching the coverings is a way to free herself from her past? Honestly i have no clue but i just need a lot of things answered.

That's mostly my complaints on it! I just felt things weren't explained enough but to be fair, they only gave her like 3 15-ish min episodes?? I really think they got some explaining to do. Which brings me to my next points.

I'm like... 98% sure that the "old friend" is Ahsoka that she was talking about. Who else would it be?? Like cmon. And if it is Ahsoka, why did we not get to see anything about the moment of confrontation? or at least more of a mention? I guess they wouldn't rlly wanna rush that scene, and tbh, im glad they didn't. It's not some "we talk for 5 min and everything is fine" type of situation. it'll take time. time to rebuild that trust. time to discuss. YEAH. I've heard many people state how it would be more likely and realistic to see a novelization of that and i agree. I would want it to take time, showing the build of the relationship over time, going on further into the story as we watch their strong bond mend from the trauma it's faced. I'm not saying this as a crazed Barrissoka shipper, i mean it that I would genuinely want to see how that confrontation is handled, as do many others and not just as a ship!! It's been a decade! the fans wanna know!

And my last point.

I.believe.Barriss.is.alive.

The more i rewatch it, the more i believe it. the first time around i had my doubts, but something tells me they are NOT done with her character. At least before the stabbing scene anyway. There's too much stuff that's left unanswered for it to just end that way! I dunno man, but Lyn's "i'm going to get you out of here" sounded way too determined for a "im going to move your body out of here" type of thing yk? maybe she could sense she was still alive, just barely hanging in there? I don't think they are done with Barriss Offee, and I wont think so unless we see her corpse being fucking BURIED. Not to mention the UNGODLY amount of parallels of that scene along with them exiting the cave. I've already seen so many point it out. Post-Vader and Ahsoka fight on Malachor?? Back when we all thought Ahsoka may or may not be dead?? sounds familiar hello?? Also a parallel from earlier in the show itself when Barriss saves that unnamed jedi! she HEALS them when they were going to be left there. Something tells me the same fate may happen to Barriss. Idk call me crazy but i will say it again, i don't think they are done with her story.

Thank you for reading my very unorganized thoughts! this has taken me longer to write than expected because i did not predict this to make me have to step away from making SEVERAL times- but yeah! lmk what yall think! and yes you can be expecting some art here and there! i know i've been slacking- Also lmk if u want me to post my crazed Barrissoka thoughts! because aHa i have them. i have them a lot. send help.

ALSO KEVIN KINER I GOT MY EYE ON YOU. BRO NEEDS TO RELEASE THE SOUNDTRACK BEFORE I DIE.

[creepyscritches]

My therapist gave me a great reframing of something I'd been thinking abt recently! I had a uh :) tumultuous childhood :)c and since like, god, idk 5 or so I'd always been kind of a loner either by choice or by circumstance. It's not really a unique situation for kids and I've always been a little off-put by the notion I was "more mature than kids my age". Especially since I knew a lot of kids through my childhood that were similar to me and none of us were really "mature" as adults defined it when it was just us kids (moved around a lot so I had a sampler platter of peers).

This all to say, I shared that I was still a child, I had a child's developing mind, and I still had a child's needs whether or not they were apparent. One of the biggest things is I never learned uh I guess "social play" because I never had social connections that were stable until I was like 16 or 17. My mother also agreed that I just never really "played" like other kids (instead I was reading 400 - 500 page books at 6 years old and preferring puzzles to the jungle gym). The answer that is always floated in general for kids like this is "you're somewhere on the spectrum, duh" which, even if true, is reductive to children's development AND dismissive of environmental factors that affect neurodivergent and neurotypical children without discrimination. I MIGHT be on a spectrum but I'm not really interested in finding a label - - just knowing myself! And I know! This was more linked to environmental factors than anything that can be tidily wrapped into "neurodivergent kid experiences". Other kids I knew like me were not always ND - - kids are sophisticated adapted learners, so they LEARN their environment as NT or ND either way.

Anyway, I have convoluted thoughts on it all and my therapist just like stabbed thru the ice and said:

"It sounds like as a kid your play was playing as an adult. Would you agree?"

And my mom and I just kinda leaned back and thought like jesus? Yeah I guess? At 5 I began to stifle emotions bc I was mimicking adults and was trying to not be another squeaky wheel during a really hellish time for us. It wasn't until I was 25 that I began to process emotions, even more recently did I begin to process non-judgementally. I didn't learn how kids play with each other bc I was mostly given opportunity to just play as an adult. :/

Idk it's part of a greater realization that I'm learning how to be a social animal and how to participate in social play in my late 20s. It's really nice to feel part of a pack for once, but kinda crazy that I missed these major interpersonal milestone experiences at critical ages. Thank God I took the college exams at 12 though, that sure made up for it huh. Idk maybe that's why it's been a learning curve as I play around w the kids in my life rn. "What do kids even do?" no wonder I ask that bc I am just now doing kid stuff too!! Turns out kids are great and just want to be genuinely engaged with when they share :) I'm an adult playing as a kid and it's nice!

[veliseraptor]

So that latest Zelkam art of the core transfer has been sucking my brain out of my head all night. And now I can't stop thinking of how much JC's inherited that he never wanted or knew: Zidian (mother), the core (brother), Jin Ling (sister), Suibian (brother x2). I'd include the Jiang name and clan if I wanted to include his father. And it hurts me. He's left with so many remnants of his loved ones and yet how hollow does he feel? How unloved? Answers surely depend on post/canon timeline but idk. I'm just wrecked. *dies quietly*

I have a lot of Feelings about the ways in which Jiang Cheng really does just keep getting handed inheritances he doesn't want to have. People keep giving him things (in a material and metaphorical sense), but it doesn't seem like the give him things as an uncomplicated gift but as this enormous, weighty thing that comes with an immense price. "Here, take my life," people keep saying to Jiang Cheng, "take this and my death with it." And the hideous irony of the core transfer is that that's true even when Jiang Cheng himself tries to give his own life for the people he loves, only with the result that Wei Wuxian turns right around and gives up his own to "fix" it.

But yeah! His mother bequeaths him Zidian in the process of sending him away while she dies. Wei Wuxian dies and leaves him with a flute and a sword he doesn't want. Jin Ling...it's not that he doesn't want Jin Ling, he always would have wanted to be in his life, but not like this. oh I know I'm going to do the thing I do and quote my own fic

You, me, and a-Cheng, said a-jie’s voice in his ear. We must stay together, and never separate.

He’d never learned how to let go, but he’d been the one left behind anyway.

for someone who is in a lot of ways defined by the way that he holds on to the past, for better or worse (and I don't think it's all bad! his success rebuilding Jiang Sect is I think owed in part to his drive to never let what happened to it before to happen again), he does keep end up being the one left, and left holding mementos and reminders that are just a constant chafing reminder of what he lost.

it really adds something fun and spicy too to the bit during the second siege of the Burial Mounds, both in the novel and in CQL:

Jin Ling had never seen so many fierce corpses before, much less at such a close distance. He could feel his scalp tingle, and clenched Suihua's hilt. Yet, suddenly, his fist was peeled open, and a cold object was stuffed inside. He looked down in surprise. "Jiujiu?"

Jiang Cheng propped himself up with Sandu, which had lost its spiritual energy. His figure wavered slightly. "Try losing Zidian, just see what happens!"

[...] When Jin Ling saw that all of the people his age had rushed over, he couldn't hold himself back either. When Jiang Cheng was distracted, he stuffed Zidian back into his hand and sprinted toward the front... (Chapter 80, trans. Exiled Rebels)

The way it's acted here in particular it feels very much like Jin Ling at least has a sense of how loaded this gesture is, whatever Jiang Cheng says about giving it back. Here he is! Continuing the chain of just passing down things as a legacy that in no way substitute for the person they stand for.

just to set those screenshots alongside this:

there's something I think to Jiang Cheng that's not just incredibly painful in all the obvious ways about the core transfer, but specifically in the way that it's related to a sacrifice he very deliberately made - and now he finds out that not only was that sacrifice ultimately utterly pointless, or worse than pointless, the person he originally made it for made it so. It's this "oh, you can sacrifice yourself for me but I can't do the same for you?" that's so bitter to feel, both because I do think there's some amount of "why do you always, always get to come out of things the hero" but more than that, "why did you do this when I made my decisions specifically to protect you; does my desire to protect you not matter? doesn't it mean anything?"

Jiang Cheng standing with his hands full of memorials going "I don't want these," because what he actually wanted was his family, but the world kept taking them away, and apparently in at least one case his family actively didn't get the memo.

[utilitycaster]

Did you write or reblog posts talking about Imogen saying "the gods don't love me, why would I want to save them" way back when? because I recalled how absolutely wild that was and in the wake of Downfall i wanted to reread to compare her mentality nowadays, and idk if you can find them easier

Hi anon, I did.

I mentioned this last week but summer is my busy time for work, and I have some (positive, but stressful) things going on personally and so I'm going to post the links, but I'm also going to post the process by which I found them in the hopes that it will be helpful in finding such things themselves. I know Tumblr isn't great for search but that's true of me on my own blog as well and so I'd appreciate it if folks could put in that effort themselves; you are fine but I've gotten like 4-5 questions of "can I watch Downfall without C3" at this point and it's like please guys, at least try to search.

Anyway:

use the transcript search, filter on Laura; try variations of "don't love me" which pretty quickly brings up episode 3x79

Check when that aired (YouTube, Beacon, Twitch, etc will have this, just adjust for VOD dates or use the wiki); it was on December 7th, 2023.

Filter my blog archive on that date and by "Imogen Temult" in the tag

Here's a couple posts about that:

short post talking about Imogen's tendency towards impatience (reblogged by me)

a discussion of Imogen's attitude and perspective (reblogged by me)

question about Imogen's background and mindset towards religion (answered by me)

There might be more if you broaden the search; I'm usually decent about tagging by character but I'm not perfect about it, and I didn't include some posts about Imogen not relating to that statement, so feel free to poke around that date more generally.

It's funny because in-game it's only been a week or so, but the thing with Imogen is that I'm not sure she's great at like...an abstract "well, but this may be important to other people and so I should respect it" but she is quite receptive to actual interactions with people. I think seeing firsthand how oppressive the Weave Mind and Kreviris Imperium are; interacting with some of the child soldiers her mother recruited; having those few frustrated conversations with Liliana; losing FCG to Otohan (who no longer cared if she was kept alive, at that point); her limited communion with Predathos; and then viewing the events of Downfall have all influenced her position. Honestly, I wonder if her own "I love you but I don't know what to do with it" regarding Laudna's leaning in to Delilah has given her some insight as well; an understanding that she doesn't know how the gods feel about her specifically and that even feeling love for someone is no guarantee for how you will act towards them. She's had a lot of perspective-shifting experiences in a short period of time, and that line of not being sure she wanted to save the gods was only an abstract confession. And she said she didn't know! She didn't say she didn't want to; she said she was unsure.