#so i probably made the best decisions but they werent the fun ones

[coridallasmultipass]

Sorry if you ever had feelings for me - I don't have them for you. You probably needed therapy, not a trainwreck. I hope you're doing better now.

[kenovele]

Bogs Blog 28

A week full of achievements, we have moved into the tiny house. It is official and I am rather happy to say the least. It has been a journey, with more ups than downs to be honest. We have both learnt so much, from building skills, to looking for bargains, to researching how to do things. We have both surprised ourselves about how well we have done, we have achieved much more than we thought possible, and the result is a high-quality home which we both love the feel of. Obviously, we couldn’t have done this without the help of my brother who has been a wealth of knowledge, resources and tools. It has been such a great experience and we are looking forward to living in it, and slowly getting used to our new lifestyle. Composting toilet and all.

Despite our exciting move in and our desire to spend some time in the tiny house, we have hardly been there this week. We have been social butterflies and busy beavers. After our celebratory dinner we had with the family on Sunday night, on Monday we both headed to Te Aroha where benoit likes to use the time to work on his physio application and work on his blog for the week, so the Te Aroha part, you have probably already caught up on. For the second half of the week, Benoit was up working in town with Jamie, they are both building a deck for my aunty and by the sounds of it, they are both enjoying working together again and continuing their bromance. On Wednesday it was my long await return to climbing. We went bouldering and even me, who has long since been converted to route climbing loved it. I have missed climbing so much that the chance to get back onto the plastic was a welcome one. We bouldered for two hours, until our fingers would no longer hold us to even the easiest routes. It was so satisfying, and I have been feeling it for the last few days, my forearms are still dead and very tender. Afterwards we rewarded ourselves in true climbing fashion, with a beer, however unfortunately not in the gym. New Zealanders have not quite seen the light when it comes to mixing exercise with beer like the Belgians have. Yes we find occasions to drink beer with most things, but so far it hasn’t seeped into the fitness industry – how bizarre.

On Thursday night we went to Lauren Wilcox’s for dinner with Scott here brother and his girlfriend. It was a nice wee catchup and a fun occasion to continue to grow our social calendar. Benoit enjoyed catching up with his host family and I enjoyed getting to know them a bit better. On Thursday night, Benoit drove back up to town to have an early start on the deck in the morning and I spent my first night alone in the tiny house. I was expecting to feel a little bit nervous about it, as I don’t really like staying home alone in our big house, and considering the tiny house is even more isolated I was worried about this. But it turns out, I wasn’t worried about being home alone, I felt very safe. Maybe that the place is so small there is no way some unwanted person could be lurking somewhere. But either way I was very reassured about how safe it felt.

Friday was a slow day at work and Benoit hit a heap of traffic on the way home so was a little bit late picking me up, so I had the pleasure of staying late on a Friday, on a long weekend! On Friday night,  we packed the car and got ready to head off to the lake. We were going to go on Friday night, but we really werent up to sitting in traffic, so instead we hung some pictures in the tiny house and then had a pizza night and into bed. It was the best decision I think as it was really nice to make the most of our little tiny for an extra night. In the morning we headed off to the lake for the long weekend. Mum and Dad were down in Whangaui for the weekend and so the kids decided to make the most of the lake. It is always a nice place to relax. Jamie came down with his mates on Saturday afternoon and we had a lovely weekend all together. The weather was so much better than forecast so we made the most of the walks around the area, the hot pools and the evenings with delicious meals and a nice hot fire. A great weekend away. 

Love Kate xxx

[sailorhyunjinz]

Do you write yandere? If so, can I request skz yandere headcanons on how they would react when S/O rejects them because she doesn't wanna deal with whole drama that would come with dating an idol?

i mean kinda?? i have a seungmin yandere fic in my drafts sooo BUT YEAH

oh also, requests are not open but im just gonna do this one cause headcanons are kinda fun BUT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED <33

also why is the felix one so short-

Warnings; yandere!skz, rejection, k-dnapping, slight gaslightning or like manipulation, restraints, threats, aggression, mentions of masturbation, stockholm syndrome

Chan

nobody rejects him. nobody.

you two were friends from school and you were sooo happy when chan made it as an idol, finally persuing the dream he had been yapping on about for years. 

but in the midst of that he realized that he had feelings for you, he missed you all the time, just wanting to hang out with you and maybe explore the things he had on his mind. so,, he decided to confess when you guys were at a cafe.

“look y/n,,, there’s something I wanna tell you” he started to which you tilted your head

“nooo,,, are you guys going on a tour again,,, i wil miss you sooo much channie” you said with a pout but the boy shook his head.

“i like you y/n” 

your mouth stood agape, this was not what you expected and truthfully,,, not what you wanted. 

“chan,,, y-you know thats not possible” you said with a frown, looking at him straight ahead.

“of course it is,,, why wouldn’t it be? w-what are you trying to say y/n?!” his voice started growing louder, you looking around in order to see that people werent turning their heads towards your table. 

Minho

you have made a big big mistake my friend- 

wont even hesitate to keep you hostage in his basement LIKE IM NOT JOKING-

might just tie you up and like,,, not even do anything to you, just talk to you and admire you, maybe tracing your facial features and cuddle closer on the cold floor

just wants to keep you as a pet or smth and you are scared out of your mind cause you cant move cause of the restraints, you cant speak because you have silvertape across your lips that he only removes to feed you but if you start screaming you wont get any so you deicde to just stay calm and quiet before someone saves you and play along. 

i mean you do,,, kinda fall for him but you know you cant,, but you cant help but to fall for him and miss him whenever he’s out on schedule things

he always returns to you and you get so happy when you see the little crevice of light from outside when he opened the basement door

whenever he lies next to you, you put your head against his shoulder and take in his scent the best you can

he told you everyday that he would let you go if you agreed to date him but you shook your head,, maybe cause you liked being his prey. 

Changbin

he’s more of the threatening type of yandere,,, like,, not that he’s violent but if you try to block his number he will create new ones and keep on sending you messages about how you have betrayed him and how he wished that you loved him back and all that,,,,

you guys often meet because you go to the same college and are students in the same department sooo,,,, avoiding him is pretty impossible 

he stares a lot at you,,, you guys have a couple of classes together and he just stares the entire time, his eyes are just filled with revenge, he somehow wants you make you his, own you but he doesnt know how yet, for now he can just look.

watch this fucking message conversation just be this;

[why did you talk to him during class?]

[you could have just asked me]

[nobody loves you like i do. no one y/n]

you are never getting rid of him basically,,

he’s gonna get to you first ;))

Hyunjin

i feel like he goes more to the stalking route than the kidnapping and drugging and whatnot- 

ok,,, you rejected him,,, but that doesnt mean you’re getting rid of him.

ohmygod what if he turns into a peeping tom- cause he obviously knows where you live. 

like yall were not even that close?? he just saw you backstage at one of the concerts and thought you looked good so he decided to go up to, you werent an idol so no problem he thought.

but he gets a bit too,, hasty with his decisions and often falls for people randomly and so when he politely greeted you and gave you his number you simply shook your head, explaining that this wouldn’t be possible since you worked in the same industry and you needed to stay clear out of any scandals in order to keep your job. 

no was not answer in Hyunjins mind. 

luckily he managed to catch your full name by flickering through some papers in an office and also saw your full adress there, knowing exactly what he was going to do on his free time. 

Jisung

if im being completely honest,,, i have no idea-

like,,, he gives me kinda pervy yandere vibes,,,

what if youre like his ex before he became an idol and now he wants to get back together with you-

oh,,, he masturbates to your pictures-

i feel like he always thinks about you, wondering what you like and wants to write songs about you but he doesnt do much-

but when he finds out that you have been hired by the same company as him to work as a like,,, economics accountant thingy he is all of a sudden vEEERY interested-

always asking the manager of when the group will have meetings with the accounting team,,, although they had nothing to do with them-

he just wanted to be in a conference room with you (and think pervy things about you in your tight office skirt and white blouse)

you went to the toilet on day and you saw him lurking around the same floor,,, WHICH ONCE AGAIN WAS NOT CONNECTED TO THE GROUP AT ALL- 

and idk,,, probably sneaks in with you and locks the door before you even react that theres someone else in the toilet- 

i feel like he’s pretty mild,,, but when he’s alone with you he is aggressive broooo

probably pins you to the wall and threatens you or smth along those lines,,,,,

(writing this is what my life has become to-)

Felix

“what do you think you’re doing?”

you turn around again, you had just thought of just leaving with a vague answer to his question but he was not having it. 

“answer.” 

his words sounded cold, his dark voice making an entrace, the exact one you’ve heard on many of the songs you listened to.

“felix,,, you have to understand,,, u-um,, if we date theres gonna be some issues” you said but he just stared at you with cocky eyebrows and a dark gaze, running his tongue on the inside of his cheek.

“do you think i care? would i ask you if i cared?” he said to which you shook your head automatically, what more could you do?

“you get until tomorrow to think and if i don’t get the answer i want well,,, we’ll see what i’ll do to you.”

Seungmin

he plots shit behind your back yk?

he’s more of the sneaky type of yanderes (oop spoiler to a fic heh)

like he makes this like fucking year long plan where the objective of the mission is to make you obssessed with him-

he starts kinda subtely,,, first its going to the same gym as you and like,,, knowing where you placed your stuff

and then he starts putting small notes like under your waterbottle when you went to grab something that say like “i think youre cute, call me” and then his number

you obviously dont react,,, because why the fuck would you contact a stranger at the gym 

BUT THEN you realize that its him, its mf kim seungmin. yo,,,, u didnt know he went to this gym,,, that was not,,, the best-

of course you got a bit interested,,, you wanted to know how he was off camera,,, like just in his everyday life and i meeean,,, he was attractive but obviously you should stay away bc,,, he’s a celebrity but seungmin didnt want to stay away

he notes somehow started to get more aggressive,,, suddenly being like “why are you ignoring me?” and such,,,

and one night you were left alone in the gym with him,,, it was sooo quiet, only the sounds of your strained breaths as you lifted a dumbell

here where the plan came to play ;))

Jeongin

he’s obsessed with you and you are not going anywhere, even if you rejected him. 

he’s more clingy?? LIKE HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU

ok sure,, he falls more into the stalking category too,,, 

also veeeery much a obssessed kinda yandere,,, like his mind is not thinking about how to like capture you,,, more about how to make you soooo comfortable and fool you into loving him despite the circumstances?

i just imagine that you work in a cafe and jeongin often meets you there when he buys coffee and you are already in awe when you see fucking yang jeongin enter the coffee shop on your shift but you were even more excited when he leaves his phone number on a napkin and slides it over the counter before leaving. 

you thought about it,,, contemplating multiple times but,,, you decided it would be best not to since well,,, safety purposes 

but he would visit you and every day his face got more and more perplexed cause he wondered why you didnt call

mf would not leave you alone, he would even wait outside the coffee shop until you finished your shift and walk you home,,, so now he knew where you lived- 

and then do the same thing over and over again until you talked to him.

does. not. give. up. 

[oh-my-may]

Sakusa, Tsukishima and Kenma when their s/o gets a wound

requested: sakusa, tsukki, and kenma with a s/o who gets a wound? maybe they went to do an activity and get their knees scraped bad and the boys find out? how would they take care of their s/o?

Sakusa was such a good pick for this oh my that’s probably why his is a bit longer please forgive me I am weak for him ok

Sakusa Kiyoomi:

There were not a lot of things you could do as dates, since Sakusa declined most of your suggestions saying that it would be too unhygienic or too much work making sure everything would be clean.

But when you came up with the idea of going wandering on a mountain trail, where only mostly elderly people where, he was all for it. Of course he also didn’t liek staying insiode all the time, and a place where anybody went while being in nature sounded like music to his ears.

However you regretted your decision soon after you guys started your trip. You were breathing heavily and your legs already felt like spaghetti and you werent even halfway up the hill. Sakusa however, with his amazing sports stamina was walking ahead and barely notived that you fell way behind, until he wanted to talk to you and you didn’t respond to his words. He turned around wondering where you were. Did you maybe get lost? But then he saw you hanging over, your hands placed on your knees and you looked up to him smiling, but you couldn’t hide the exhaustion.

Your boyfriend couldn’t help but chuckle seeing you like that. He walks to you and stops in front of you, tilting his head while he observes your heaving figure. “You know, we can just return if you want to. But the air up here is really good and I guess it’s even better at the top.” You just shake your head, insisting on continuing this trip because it hasn’t been often that you saw Kiyoomi this careless. You were determined to make this an enjoyable trip for the both of you, but especially him. He deserved a pause from his hectic life.

So he grabs your hand and walks slowly beside you for a while, both of you enjoying the nature around you and the fresh air sweeping through your lungs. When you’re finally at the top you have a nice picnic while enjoing the view over the land, watching leaves dance in the wind and tumbling around you, taking in all the scents of exotic flowers and birds chirping somewhere in the tree tops.

You feel a lot better when you get back down. Walking down on a mountain is a lot less exhausting than walking up, after all. Your steps fly more easily. Too easily. You’re more careless with your steps and before you can stop it you stumble over a big rock in your way, landing on your knees before Sakusa can grab your wrist. However he’s quick to help you up again and you flinch and hiss when you shift your weight on your left leg again. Your knee is totally scraped, a small rill of blood running down your leg. Some small stones still stick to your skin and Sakusa is quick to pull out a small package from his backpack, because this man never goes anywhere unprepared.

He helps you sit down on a tree trunk next to the path you were walking and he looks at you with slight amusement but also worry in his eyes. He sighs before leaning down and placing a kiss on the top of your head and then kneels down in front of you, taking care of the wound. “What am I gonna do with you? You’re so clumsy...” he mumbles and you have to smile, though your knee still burns badly. Sakusa takes care of it perfectly, even kissing the bandage on top of your knee after he’s done. However, he doesn’t let you walk down again, he carries you down all the way on his back and you’re not complaining.

You just cling onto him and cuddle into his back, burying your face in his neck and stroking his hair occassionally, thanking him for taking care of you so well. He smiles to himself when he feels you pressing to him, feeling your breath so close on his skin.

After the trip he still checks up on your knee everyday, even when it’s not a wound that serious. He still claims that it shouldn’t get infected and that he’s the only one besides a doctor that can take proper care of it. Always kisses your knee after every check up! A true cariing cutie, I am way too soft for this man

Tsukishima Kei:

It was hard to get Tsukishima thrilled of the idea of going somewhere special to hang out. He was more of the stay inside kinda person, preferring just cuddling up to you in private.

You accepted his choices (even though you still got him to go to certain places sometimes) and that’s how you transformed everyday situations into little dates. Like lunch in school or staying in your garden instead of in the house, sometimes you’d even join his practice and watch him there. Even though he would never admit it, he enjoyed it when you do that. It always makes his insides all giddy and warm because you care for him so much!

You also always walk home together, talking about anything on your way or just quietly listening to music while enjoying each other’s company, silently holding or hands or sometimes he’ll just sling an arm around your shoulders and pull you close to him, walking like that for a while.

Today however you were “balancing” on a wall next to the sidewalk while talking to Kei and rambling about your day. It was fun to you focusing on taking the right steps, even though the platform you were walking on was not that small. You still had to be careful about where you placed your feet, because there were roots and other plants growing over and through the stone. “Ugh anyway, and then our teacher just made us write a test, and it was fine I guess but still sucked.” you ended your little rant.

“Y/N, are you really sure you should walk up there? Don’t you think it would be safer down here? You’re gonna get hurt if you don’t look out.” Tsukki just says while looking up to you with a vague face. You almost laughed seeing him like that. Was he actually worrying about you? Contrary to you always worrying about him at games, this was a nice change.

“Don’t be silly Kei, I’ve been balancing on things since I was a child, literally nothing will happen-” And that’s when you literally cursed yourself, because just moment later you stumble over a root and fall down, though you manage to cushion your fall with your hands which got the most damage.

Your boyfriend is right next to you in no time, helping you up and scanning your body for any injuries, but luckily only your hands got injured and your elbow felt weird, making your whole arm feel like some sort of pudding. Tsukki is just shaking his head while taking in the scrapes and cuts on your hands. You flinch when he softly touches your strained skin and he looks at you with disapproval. His eyes literally tell you “I told you so.” but fortunately he has enough tactfulness to not say it out loud. He accompanies you to your house, constantly shaking his head when you whimper and pout because your hands hurt.

He reluctantly helps you clean your hands, because he claims he’s not good with that kind of stuff and he only helps you bandage the wound because you don’t want to move your hands too much. Quiet sounds of disapproval still leave his lips as he does, though. Something like that could never happen to him, he says. Still, the look in his eyes is loving. He appreciates your playful side a lot. Without it, his life would be pretty plain. Without YOU it would be.

He loves you, but please prepare for a bunch of teasing after the incident. He will never let you climb on something or balance somewhere every again for a long time because honestly? He cares about you a little too much and he can’t bear to see you hurt in any way.

Kenma Kozume:

Kenma always seemed to be busy with some things. In the morning it was school, in the afternoon volleyball practice and in the evening and at night he was usually gaming.

You tried you best to insert yourself into his routine. Walk to school with him, spend the breaks at school with him, game with him, watch him at practice. You were fine with it, really, because you noticed how over the time he got more cooperative and sometimes skipped volleyball practice to hang out with you, or he was starting to game a bit less in order to go to the cinema with you etc.

But you still treasured the time the most when you could hang with him normally, like at practice. You could actually spend hours watching him do something else other than hanging over his console.

And the other members loved you, too. They appreciated you being at practice, it was like having another manager. You also took care of them and told them everything you observed, you brought snacks and cheered for them in any game. Sometimes you’d even join in during training camps and get along with other teams, as well.

You normally used your time during practice to do homework or work on other things, but today you helped out as the “ballboy/girl” basically and ran around the gym catching the flying volleyballs and collecting them for the boys. You’d throw them back to them or helped them to serve the ball, but you were always just moving around the whole time. You didn’t mind, though. It was actually very fun, the boys were constantly joking around. But Kenma didn’t look all that amused whenever a ball just closely missed you or when you almost fell in an attempt to catch a ball.

You watched as him and Yaku were talking to Lev and teaching him how to do a proper serve. The first year was listening eagerly, moving his hands and arms around enthusiastically and you found yourself grinning when Kenma moved his hands over his face in frustration.

Then it finally came to Lev putting all the tips into something and he was standing at the end of the field, ready to serve. You watched him fail a few times until he hit the ball with a loud bang and slammed it over the net, right to where you were standing. No one had enough time to react properly and before you could even think about diodging the ball landed straight on your chest and you fell backwards, hitting your head on the floor hard. For a moment you couldn’t see or hear anything, just darkness and dancing light in front of your eyes and a defeaning beeping in your ears.

Someone helped you to sit up and you slowly began to see contours of people around you, and their voices were still incomprehendable to you. You felt hands on your back and then on your face and you looked into your boyfriends face who had widened eyes and looked very pale.

Then he turned around and basically chased Lev through hell for doing this, giving him the lecture of his life even though you weren’t hurt that badly. there was a small wound at the back of your head and just a little bit of blood came out.

Kenma was by your side the whole time, flinching a lot more than you when you got a bandage around your head. You got some medication from the doctor and while you were tripping a little bit he still stayed at your side, giving you his console so you can play and distract yourself from ther pain

Literally really won’t leave your side, will stay at your house until you can go to school again and he just spends the days next to you in your bed, pouting when he sees the wound and carefully stroking your hair. He’s a big cuddler during this time and literally won’t led you near the gym anytime soon. He always gives Lev death stares when he gets near you, like a hissing cat.

A protective boy, 11/10 would love and cherish

[kamil-a]

ok ace route end thoughts. incredibly messy post i put together a lot of it last night, half-asleep, and im trying to just. do my best with that lol

they invented queerbaiting for m/f couples

she was just so recently scared of him, but goes on a camping trip anyway and does seem to have a decent time! caught in by his magnetic pull, huh...

we arent going to OUTER space but we are going to MEDIUM space. which is great!

THE JOKER??!?!?!? THERE WAS A CLOWN MAN??!?!?!? 

it was a gourcus...

really id seen the cg before but still!!! i was so shocked to see him!!!

-oh okay. id dropped the pics and copypasted twitter comments over last night when i was too tired, so this is gonna be out of order a little bit- i do nt rly want to reorder them.

-she MAKES HER CHOICE is the thing, and then joker shows up AFTER to mess around!

=i suspect that the nightmare and peter (putting a note here that peter talks to her a: in the circus and b: she says she feels like he’s trying to poke hole in her decision) that we saw were joker in disguise/projecting illusions or something. because itts ace’s route i assume he did his part himself but itd still be interesting even if it werent i guess?

BITING HER EAR LIKE CHOMP?? RIGHT ON THE LAWN OF HER FAKE MEMORY DREAM HOUSE??? WHERE THERES PROBABLY A FREAKY OTHERWORLD CORALINE LOOKING LORINA GHOST?!?

im horrifascinated with him literally invading her nostalgic memories (and the state she’s tied herself to embodying here in WL!) to like... rub himself all over it. defile the past. AND, showing up in the sunday afternoon peaceful garden times zone is like a fuckyou to peter too... like a cat pissing on a tree in another cat’s territory. theres two separate sex scenes in this ending (lmaooo) but i dont even really think of this one as like. particularly sexual (or i guess i should say erotic? sex is about power blah blah) so much as ace wanting to assert power over alice and peter and like. the ghost of lorina liddell i guess. 

can you see this from heaven? if you could, would this even be the shape your heaven takes? well, in the end youre actually not here to say otherwise . so i will say it as if you’ve seen: haha lorina i am banging your sister

and i think on some level alice knows that lorina... isnt there to catch them in the act. that her objection to this isn’t “whats wrong with you, my sister could walk in on us any second!!!” but “i don’t want you to defile my perfect memories of this place, and of my perfect sister”.

-this is also like. i think one of the most explicit routes ive seen in terms of textual descriptions of things. 

-OH YEAH the other one was really really fun hes like doing an edgy oohhh ur my ruin you will bring my doom roleplay and shes like. excuse me? i dont want to bring your doom. what are you talking about. and hes like aww yeah my girlfriend is going to kill me one day and shes like HUH????? shes literally just trying to have a nice time and he keeps ruining it with his bizarre dirty (?) fantasizing about her destroying him it’s really funny

-and it all even started bc she was talking to peter and ace got jealous. even tho if he LISTENED a bit he’s realize she was talking abt how she chose ace.

-

-they probably had to up the stakes from friendship kissing by making ace a bites you bites you bites you bites you guy but it works for him 

she says he can name most of the stars she points out, but thankfully never gives names so MY CITY NOW - i think they have a lot of constellations named after things from the hunting of the snark + jabberwocky.

(which in my even deeper MY CITY NOW headcanonings is where they adopted their game-and-roleholder system from. so it’s sort of a remnant of it and a remembrance out of respect).

-i always much prefer when it's made textually clear in the moment that she wants something she verbally denies! This one seems particularly clear, i wonder if its a matter of being written years later 

-i can become happy in my own world, too. CAN YOU??? PERSON WHO VOWED TO NEVER BECOME HAPPY???

-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-lmao he THREW HIS SWORD AT HER to trip her

-i think a lot of this was in the musical

-you gotta wonder why he isnt feeding her the game juice back if he wants her in such a state of stasis, yknow? 

-Instead, having her firmly choose, but swearing he'll remind her of pain- my guess being it's to keep her from truly losing her outsideship? 

its for jnkna reasons i assume, but even hearts era ace is clumsy enough to go about it in the most inconvenient way lmao...

also. i love how the conclusion she comes to after her little "im scared!!!!" detour is like... "well im just weirdly drawn to him. dont know why hes so magnetic. cant help loving him" BC ME TOO HONESTLY????

-THE MOST AUTHENTIC HES EVER BEEN....

-OH YEAH! AND SHE NEVER EVEN FOUND OUT ABOUT JULIUS!!!!!!

-SHE DOESNT KNOW HER BF’S SIDE JOB. OR THAT HE HAS A BEST FRIEND

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: 1-A is in third year and classmates with the reader who’s bf is hawks, they haven’t told anyone yet and the whole class is watching hawks’ interview and they ask him if he has a gf and he’s like yeah and blurts it out and they all look at her like 👁👄👁

• You and Hawks haven't been dating long.

• 6 or so months. That's very recent

• but the two of you had decided it was best to keep quiet about it for a couple of reasons

• First off, you both worked as heros, you weren't sure how the public would react- or how that could be used against you

• and second, your age.

• you were almost nineteen

• you'd be graduating highschool soon.

• you could make your own damn decisions

• he was only 24

• that's a 4 year age gap

• to you and him, it didn't really matter.

• but to the public, you werent so sure how they'd react

• and the two of you had also come to the conclusion that it'd be best to hold off on anything sexual until you had graduated- just in case they tried to use that in an argument.

• the most you two did was make out

• he was a sap anyway, having no problem with cuddling up with you on his couch as you two watched shitty horror movies that should've never been made

• and peppering kisses along your neck and your cheeks

• a pecking your lips as he played with your hands

• @ the only man you'd ever be soft for

• and he indulged in whatever weird shit you liked to do, no questions asked.

• and he always, ALWAYS, made sure you felt okay and comfortable.

• he was such a fucking sweetheart and you'd be dammed if the fucking lublic messed that up.

• they could be vicious.

• news station reporters will do anything for money and they have little to no remorse for the people they affect

• so you figured it'd be best to leave it hidden until your graduation

• class 1a knew you were dating /someone/

• they just didn't know /who/

• and believe me when I say they'd been trying to pry it out of you with no luck

• "hey we're going to the movies, you should invite someone, like oh- I dunno, someone special? Your boyfriend maybe?"

"Why would I do that? Movie nights are our special thing, i don't want to ruin it with someone outside of our friend group."

• @ mina crying bc she wasn't expecting that answer

• @ sero being genuinely moved bc he wasn't expecting that either

• @ Denki hugging you for resisting temptation

• plus he was probably busy

• they also try to look over your shoulder when you text

• but you've already got that shit taken care of 😌

• shits on a whole separate app

• its hidden

• So one day, your precious birb boy tells you he has an interview

• and you hype him the fuck up, obviously

• he calls you right before the interview so you can hype him up some more

• And you promise him you'll watch it

• and you will bc theres so much material you can make fun of him with

• so you settle onto the couch, Mina on you left, Tokoyami on your right, everyone else in their respective spots

• and it begins

• the first thing he's asked is 'you look to be in a good mood today, Don't you?'

• n he kinda glances at the camera with a smile and nods. 'Yeah, I am.'

• your heart flutters

• thats your man 🥺

• the interview is pretty calm, the lady seems nice enough and you watch with a small smile as he answers questions

• he's just chilling

• most of the questions were about his job, why he stays, his favorite parts, some of the scariest/best moments- so on and so on

• but then it gets a little more personal

• "well tell us about home life, what's it like off duty?"

• And the faithful question

• "do you have anyone special in your life,"

• and hawks is just so blessed out at the thought of you that it just slips out

• he's like yeah!! I do! She's amazing.

• and then he says your name

• your eyes widen

• Clasd 1a looks at you like 👁👄👁

• "That's who you were dating!!!!@!!"

• uh oh

• cats out of the bag

• everythings going to shit

• you've got like 4 people texting you

• Aizawa tried to call

• Youre outside of school friends are losing it

• Mina is screeching in your ear

• Tokoyami is just staring

• "Guysssss," you whine. "Fucking calm down,"

"How the actual /fuck/ did you manage to bag hawks?" Bakugou furrows his brows

"I'm funny. We annoy endeavor together. That's it."

"I mean there's more than that," Todoroki mumbled.

"What? How would you know."

"Please, he talks about you all the time "

"You knew????"

"Yes, my father and I knew. He couldn't keep the secret when he first asked you out. He says you're very pretty and sweet. And you quote on quote, put up with his birb shit. And that you play with his hair a lot, and-"

"Please, please shut the fuck up." You groan

• of course there are a million questions

• how long

• when did he ask you out?

• whats his favorite movie?

• have you two kissed yet

• have yall fucked (thanks for the question mineta)

• do you hold hands?

• is he scared if wiggly fingers like actual birds are?

• does he move his head randomly like birds?

• "Soooo, how long?"

"Six months yesterday. We went to dinner. And by that I mean we got chicfila because I can't eat his usual chicken spot and then we went home."

"aw you're calling his house home already,"

"Chako, get fucked."

• "when did he ask you out?"

"Great question Aoyama, I'm so glad you asked- yall remember when I got stabbed that one time."

"Ya." There was a collective nod

"Remember how I passed out from blood loss?"

"Ya." Another collective nod

"when i woke up, is when he asked me. It was super dramatic."

• You werent lying

• jt was

• He was terrified

• and when you woke up, as soon as you had adjusted, he spilled everything he had bottled up

• and the kiss that followed was long and desperate

• his hand cupped your cheek and your hands made home in his hair, fingers threaded between strands

• it was a kiss that broke off into many more short and needy kisses

• that left your breaths short and cheeks red

• foreheads touching as you leaned against eachother

• it still made your heart flutter

• but dramatic was the only word they were gonna get for it

• "so all this time, it was him?"

"Ya"

• then the faithful question

• "Don't you think he's a little old for you?"

"He just turned 24, and im almost 20. I don't see the problem. About 4 years age gap."

"Oh, okay then."

"I think you guys are cute. For real," mina smiles. "I see it now. I see the chemistry."

• theyre supportive 🥺

• Aizawa is also supportive, a lil hesitant but over all supportive

• but you leave all that exolaining for the next day

• instead once the designated time is set, you retreat to your room and call him

• "so cats out of the bag, huh?"

He laughs softly. "Sorry babe, I just got excited when they mentioned it."

You hum. "Thats okay,"

"We'll be okay. Promise."

"'M more worried about you,"

"I'll take care of it. Don't worry." He flashes you another grin and you can't help but feel yourself calm down

• and he did just like he said he would

• it wasn't a problem :)

[haikyuu-bf-scenarios]

Kageyama Tobio: Second Encounter

First Meeting

heyo lets go for inconsistency in posting. sorry the one im updating isnt the most emotionally competent mc

*not edited*

you didnt want to go to the club

werent too keen on getting hit in the face

again

you didnt have much a choice bc step-mom decided to warn Kiyoko about your flakey-ness(?)

you take as much time as possible packing up, making this decision

until Kiyoko shows up

she tells you your step-mom told her mom that you have a habit of flaking on things you dont want to do

“fine”

you swing your bag over your shoulder, following Kiyoko to the gym

before you enter tho you move to the side of the building

you buy a straberry milk from the machine

as mentioned before, you can drink a cup (or carton) of milk before feeling sick

we love being spiteful of medical issues

you rejoin Kiyoko at the entrance, sipping your milk slowly

obviously she’s concerned; she heard you yesterday too

“relax, im not that self-hating. im not eager for stomach cramps tho”

“you know better than me, i suppose”

she brought you inside, where the tea had just started setting up

“should you be drinking that?”

it seems there are two moms on this team

“sorry which one are you?”

dont blame yourself for not remembering his name

or face...

last time you were here you got hit in the face

you also didnt think youd be coming back

and you said as much “sorry i didnt think id be here again. didnt bother to memorize you all”

“ah” ‘so blunt’ “im Sugawara”

he bows to you which provided you w/ a culture shock youve been getting a lot

you only bowed your head in return

stepmom said that was okay for now until you learned the proper way

this isnt really important to the story but the author wanted to mak the cultural difference apparent

“so about that milk?”

“I’ll be fine.” you took another step to prove your point

“y/n” Kiyoko called you over to her and Yachi, who had just arrived (as you heard earlier)

“You two will be observing today. You dont have to be nervous.” you suspect that t be directed to Yachi

“wight!”

“wight?”

“oh, but be careful of stray shots”

that was probably for you “right...”

she walked away, grabbed a notebook, and approached you again giving it to you

“what for?”

“its for recording info about the team. make as many notes as you want”

‘this is bc i forgot Sugawara’s name’

you looked at the book with no emotion

‘i doubt ill be making any notes’

you really need to give yourself more credit

bc you did rite notes down

not volleyball notes

yeah, hell no - you dont know enough about the sport to do that

no you took notes on other things

like how everyone listened to Daichi

How Asahi barely had confidence but still hit the ball with finality

how Hinata’s, Nishinoya’s, and Taneka’s energy and antics made practice much more fun

how Kageyama seemed to be giving his full effort even if it was only practice

it was exhausting just watching them

didnt mean it wasnt keeping you engaged

the stray balls flying toward you made sure of that

one of them flew at Yachi but Hinata got it first

this prompted Kiyoko to come over and check on you both

“are you okay?”

“uh, yes...”

“fine”

“this is my time seeing volleyball outside of PE class so close. its pretty amazing”

“i think our teams offense is among the best in the prefecture”

she stops a ball from hitting you in the face

again

one of the boys yelled sorry but you were paying more attention to what Kiyoko was saying

you especially werent paying attention to Nishinoya & Taneka

“Karasuno was actually strong enough to go to nationals before

“but in the last few years, we’ve been called ‘the fallen giant’ & ‘the flightless birds’“

“creative” you commentd

“this time, we’re going to stand on the national stage.”

“thats amazing...”

you had to agree with Yachi on that

looking at Kageyama do another perfect set, it made you think, want

no not like that, ya nasties

‘whats it like being so passionate about something that you perfect it?’

‘i bet it feels amazing’

now im just guessing bc im not you but im pretty sure this was the minute you decided you were gonna help them to nationals

hell you even brought the notebook home w/ you to make your own notes

masterlist

[clownkiwi]

as an aspiring streamer (just like streaming sometimes), do you have any recommendations on how to be a good streamer? if that's a thing of course

wow, this is still extremely flattering!!! djdjdjjd tyvm 👉👈

but ok, tips & advice from twitch streamer clownkiwi on how to be a good streamer. i could easily recommend what type of software to get and what type of overlays & what not, but heres how id think anyone can be a good twitch streamer :]

1) have a supportive friend group or have streamer friends

generally speaking, i think my friends have very much influenced my streams. if it werent for aster streaming super mario odyssey speedruns late one night, then i wouldnt have gotten into streaming now

im very lucky to have found a friend group thats very streamer friendly and very supportive of each other & our endeavors. but even outside my online friend group, i also have made 2 streamer friends, who have all been very supportive of each other & helped and/or inspired each other

so yea, id say its a good idea to make friends with other streamers!!!

2) have a consistent streaming schedule

so heres the thing. i say this as i have no streaming schedule. neither does aster. or fiona. we're bad examples to look at in terms of a consistent streaming schedule, but if ya wanna stream sometimes, then my bet would be to stream like 2-3 times a week. defo have some days to yourself where you could just chill and have a break, but a consistent schedule will defo give you a consistent audience

3) interact with your chat!

i think one of the most fun parts about streaming to me is interacting with chat. thats where some of the fun comes from! and id say its just nice to be able to talk to the same people that chose to watch your stream

4) uhhhh what should you stream

uhhh uhhh ok. so this is a very easy answer, and while i say you should stream whatever you havent touched from your steam/epic games store/cd backlog of games, id say you can also stream through emulation. and dont worry about it! most streamers, myself included, stream through emulators

of course, it just doesnt have to be any old game. it can be any game that you havent played yet, or a game youre really good at, a game you havent touched in a long time, & more!!!

i usually just stick to platformers, rpgs & indies, altho i have been thinking about expanding to horror games

in the end, just choose with whatever you want to stream with the people around the world!

and finally,

5) stream for you and for fun

i think this could probably be the most important advice i could give to any aspiring streamers, but stream for you. definitely stream if you want to do it for fun and its all entirely your decision

ive known people that have only streamed just for money, and ive heard of people that usually get real tired of streaming because they dont have that many viewers

and as a small streamer thats had problems with viewership herself, i can say from experience that that is a demoralizer. honestly, sometimes i question whether i should continue streaming because i never get that many viewers as compared to my friends

but ive never let that turn me away from streaming. i still want to stream because its very fun to stream and i like streaming

so ultimately in the end, if you want to stream, certainly stream for yourself and for fun. its probably the best advice i could give to any aspiring streamer

and hey, if you are planning on streaming, dm me your twitch channel name & i'll give you a follow and hop in some of your streams!

that goes for anyone, but also to this anon in particular :]

[shhh-no-ones-home]

unexpected chris motionless x reader

+++++++++ Request from @tiffanyamber1995 : "Chris motionless one shot where he comes home from a long tour and is tired of being single and he meets y/n."

this is not my best work but i really didnt know what else to write so sorry for that but i hope you like it anyway, its a little different but i think it works.

Song: friday im in love by the cure

tag list: @cynic-spirit​ @alilpunkrock @svintsandghosts @theoneandonlykymberlee @thisplace-ishaunted @musicsexandpizza69 +++++++++

I looked intently over the shelf in front of me. I was in desperate need of groceries but was also hungry so going to the store was probably a bad idea. Right now was prime time for impulse buys but I couldn't decide which cookies I wanted, Oreos or nutter butters. I heard a sigh from behind me, shaking me from my thoughts and realizing someone was waiting for me. I made a quick minute decision, stepping to the side and reaching for the Oreos. Just as I was grabbing for them someone elses hand came crashing into mine, finally making me look up at the stranger.

"Sorry."

We both said at the same time, making me smile bashfully at him. I pulled my hand away to scratch the back of my neck.

"Uh, go ahead I think I'm still deciding."

He smiled at me as he took the pack and tucked it under his arm, shifting the case of vanilla coke in his other hand.

"Can't decide between regular or double stuff?"

He asked, joking a little bit. I let out a quick laugh at his comment.

"If only it where that easy. No my heart says Oreos but my brain says nutter butter."

He nodded in understanding, glancing quickly at what I already had in my cart. It wasn't much but it was almost period week so I was stocking up on a few favorites.

"Hey, why not both?"

I snorted a bit.

"I definitely don't think I need both."

He shrugged, side nodding.

"If you're worried about not being able to eat them all yourself I could gladly offer my services."

He said with a smile. Okay, so he was cute and clever.

"If I get both can I take you up on that offer?"

He laughed a little bit.

"If you'd like."

i smiled bashfully at him.

"Both it is then."

I said grabbing a pack of each and placing them in my cart. he had a wide smile on his face before reaching into his pocket.

"Here, wanna give me your number? I'll text you."

I nodded taking his phone from him and texting myself.

"And what am I saving you as kind sir?"

He let out a nervous laugh.

"Oh right, I'm Chris. And you are, y/n?"

He said looking down as his text history. I nodded.

"That I am, and it's nice to meet you Chris."

I said holding my hand out for him to shake.

"Likewise."

°°°°°°°°°

When the day finally came I was super nervous. Chris and I had been chatting for almost a week before deciding on a day for him to come over for a "date." Neither of us wanted to do anything crazy so we agreed on an at home picnic and movie type thing. It was nice in theory but it also meant that I had to speed clean my house and get food, now knowing he was vegan, or at the very least vegetarian. i wiped my hands on the towel before hearing a knock at my door. i took in a deep breath as i walked to the door and opened it. in front of me was chris, smiling widely and holding a small bouquet of flowers.

"what a nice surprise."

i said, taking them as he handed them over.

"i know you said you werent really a fan of fancy things but i thought itd be a nice gesture. after all you did insist i didnt bring anything but myself."

i laughed a little bit as i let him in, id always been the host type and hated making people do stuff i could do myself. in this case it was cooking and entertaining.

"its much appreciated, these are beautiful."

"well i did think of you when i was picking them out."

his words made me blush as i lead us both into the kitchen, getting a vase down and filling it with water.

"do you mind if i arrange these before we get started with the movie?"

he sat at one of the bar stools on the other side of the counter.

"be my guest."

i unwrapped the rubber band on them and slid them out of the plastic.

"i got everything out so if you wanna start eating youre more than welcome."

i said picking up a strawberry and popping it into my mouth, sending him a reassuring smile as i cut the stems of the flowers to fit in the vase.

"you really went above and beyond."

he said looking over what i had made. i wouldnt necessarily say it was a lot but i didnt really know what he liked so i got options.

"well if theres one thing i am its an overachiever."

i joked nervously and he sent me a smile, picking up one of the oreos and biting into it.

"theres nothing wrong with that. i could probably say the same of myself but im more of a perfectionist than an overachiever. everything always has to be just the way i want it, which is kind of hard when youre on the road all the time but you learn to work around it."

i nodded along to what he was saying.

"do you like it?"

he looked up at me with wide eyes.

"being on the road i mean. i know you said you were in a band but surely you must like it."

he laughed a little bit.

"oh yeah, im a real road rat. i love getting to travel all over the place and perform and just experience stuff."

i nodded along again, pushing the now full vase to the side and leaning into the counter with my arms crossed under me.

"i dont know if id ever be able to do that. like it sounds fun in theory but i think id yearn for a stable home life after a while."

he rubbed his hands across his thighs.

"yeah i get that, its not for everyone, specially for people who have careers and families but ive never really thought about that stuff as an interest. like yeah itd be cool to have a wife or at least life long partner but the kids and stuff ive never really entertained the idea of."

i smiled at him, laughing a little bit.

"same here, kids are kind of a no go for me. like dont get me wrong i love my nieces but taking care of a small human is so much work and its so time consuming."

"right? plus you have to worry about what theyre doing at every moment and i definitely dont need that kind of stress in my life."

i picked up a cookie and tapped it against the counter.

"ya know i never thought id be having a conversation about family goals on a first date."

i looked up at him and he smiled at me nervously.

"well i guess you just go where the conversation leads you right?"

i nodded before taking a bite of the cookie.

"that you do. but i guess since we're on the topic. have you been actively looking for someone to date?"

i raised a brow as he looked down at his lap, thinking about my question.

"if im being honest no, but with the life i have id be lying if i said i didnt miss not having someone to share stuff with. just like someone who gets me and is willing to be there for me."

i looked up at him with hopeful eyes that this would go well.

"and you think that might be me?"

he shrugged.

"maybe. id say things are going pretty well so far."

i half smiled.

"id say so too."

he picked up another oreo.

"what do you say about that movie?"

i perked up a bit.

"yes, you pick, i got out a few that i think you might like."

i stood up and walked into the living room, him being right behind me. i watched his face light up at what i had laid out on the coffee table.

"sick!"

he said picking a few up and looking at them.

"oh yeah, i definitely think this is going to go well."

i laughed a little at his reaction.

"which one first?"

[semiconducting]

just reflecting on some personal growth stuff from last year !

im actually. genuinely okay. like i think im starting this year feeling okay! which is atypical. 

i think i can attribute it to the enormous amount of work id put into myself over the past year...i remember one year ago being extraordinarily depressed and really just. high strung? incredibly anxious but exhausted. and i fell down a descent slowly from not eating, to getting really irritable and not handling conflicts with friends well, to actively self harming again, to the point where i remembered sitting in a coffee shop with one of my friends and saying out loud that i need to go to therapy. and that i was going to talk to a mutual friend of ours about how the therapy services on campus are. which was a huge step for me! ive always had trust issues with therapy services since i was 12 for reasons i wont go into, but im sure you can gather the point of.

and then, literally the next day after saying that, got news about campus shutting down because of the virus.

and i made all of the effort possible to reach out to my friends and get things figured out to weather the storm because i KNEW shit was going to get bad if i didnt. but only one of my friends was really keeping up, and thats because he and i do homework together so we were already in a rhythm of talking every single week no matter what. and thats not to say that im ungrateful for him or the fact that even still he was there for me while i was going through hell, i have this thing about Not Putting All My Problems On And Confiding In One Person And One Person Only. so i withdrew, i stopped talking to everyone, i stopped logging into my classes, i didnt do any homework, i didnt lead my workshops, didnt hold office hours...i was just wallowing in my own misery

and i made plans to kill myself. and thats like, i mean i could say that several dozen times over the course of a year since i was like 12, but i mean a legitimate walkthrough plan. had my hiking bag packed with everything i was going to use, decided where i was going to, and was going to prep myself for it. wrote drafts and drafts of suicide notes until i decided just leaving the contact info of people who needed to know asap was all i was going to leave. in addition to sticky notes on some stuff in my room for what needed to be returned to who, or if something should go to someone in particular...

and i acted as normally as i could around my housemates. attributed my not leaving my room much to being busy with classes. i have a rule to myself to always sleep at least one night before killing myself because if im really serious about going through with it it can always wait one day. this time i decided i was going to clean my room and leave it as pristine as possible. the last thing i had to do was a load of laundry, and then i was going to do it.

and then someone from campus showed up at my door. because one of my professors filed a report and i hadnt responded to any of the emails id received checking in on me.

so i readjusted. caught up on my schoolwork, just barely finished the semester and definitely didnt do it strong or well (god bless the pass/fail option bc of covid LOL), but i did it nonetheless. went home, started my internship, had a miserably mundane summer.

i grew bitter and apathetic. i was angry at my friends for not being responsive when i reached out to them to talk or hang out or do anything. i got tired of dealing with it. i was tired of feeling alone and like no one gave a shit about me except for when it was convenient for them. i decided that i wasnt going to deal with people who werent willing to put any effort into me, so i stopped talking to everyone and kept up with people who were willing to reach out after the fact.

it’s definitely not the best approach. it’s really unforgiving and it doesn’t give people a lot of benefit of the doubt, but i think it was necessary in some respect. i didn’t have any criteria for how people needed to reach out, or how long after, or whatever, just that they did. really needed people in my life who are willing to communicate with me. i was honest with how i was feeling and why i did things if they did, apologized for the shitty approach, thanked them for still being willing to talk to me, and worked out the best way for both of us to keep things going.

over the months i dont think i really regret the decision, because it’s been a weight off my shoulders. i feel a lot better. i’m far more okay with where i stand in all of my friends’ lives, even if that’s not as a priority and even if that’s as just someone to talk to and catch up with like a couple times a year. it took a bit for it to pay off but it’s nice to take a look at people i was putting far too much work into and upon reflection realizing that they only interacted with me when they needed something from me, and not for me as a person. i think there are still people where there are loose ends and i think i may try reaching out myself to tie those up at some point, whenever i have the energy and clarity of mind for it. but i guess at the end of the day i just decided that people who weren’t willing to communicate weren’t worth the time. i’m okay if that communication means i need to be the one to initiate conversations even! i just need to know that.

but yeah. i came back to ny and started the semester totally apathetic and angry. i was so fucking depressed and bored with everything even if i was keeping myself incredibly busy. the only thing that i found rewarding (and what was just barely keeping me going) was leading my workshop for the intro optics class. 

and then a friend -- the same friend i was at the coffee shop with -- reached out to catch up. and i was honestly really bitter and angry with him and was prepping myself to start listing out issues that i hadnt been able to address with him beforehand (side note, while telling friends the issues you have with them is important, listing shit out all at once is hardly ever a good approach especially without warning LOL) but ended up...just having a calming and comfortable conversation about what was going on in our lives since we last saw each other. 

n later that day i ended up reaching out to an old friend that i had been meaning to catch up with because we fell out of contact, but had just barely been trying to start talking again in the months before this but had kept missing opportunities to properly converse. but we talked again, and we set up a day to hike and catch up.

and he comes to my house and picks me up. and i get in his car. and its like, holy shit, its been almost a year since ive seen you. and we hugged. and just started to catch each other up on the mess that had been our lives since we’d actively been in contact. we hiked, he told me about the books he wanted to write, we talked about people we knew, we talked about politics, we talked about school, we talked about life, and it was just as comfortable as if not a day had passed...even though it was obvious that he and i were both changed people over the past year. nothing about our friendship was any different though.

we resolved to hanging out with each other every week. decided we both needed the interaction, appreciated having each other around, and had a nice overlap of free time in the week that worked well. friday nights unless otherwise specified.

it was totally unexpected. he’d always been a great friend to me, but i never expected us to get as close as we did. neither did he. he’s probably the first person in my life (or at least in a very long time, and certainly the only person at the time) that i’d been so comfortable with that i practically had no boundaries around. none that needed to be addressed, anyway, because the only possible ones to throw up wouldn’t even come up (but of course, i constantly reassured that as soon as anything came up i would let him know because early on he kept asking sjhdkjfh). 

he became something for me to look forward to in the week. towards the beginning he was a shoulder to lean on when i needed it and was willing to listen to things i hadn’t been able to tell anyone out loud. and he confided in me as well. it was comfortable. it was safe. it was a level of trust with vulnerability that i’d never shown anyone else. 

but it wasnt even just that! it was fun! hes so fun. we could talk about everything and nothing, and hes one of the only people where i feel like i have to keep up with him in conversation instead of the other way around. we’d jump from topic to topic so much faster than either of us could think and it was all always so interesting. littered with humour that was just dumb and simple. i felt comfortable just being an idiot with him. i felt like i had nothing to prove. 

for the past few years ive held to the sentiment that i like to hang around with people that make me a better person. but somehow, with him, its not that i felt like he made me a better person, but that he made me more myself. he saw who i was without any kind of fronts. and i always was afraid to show anyone that me because i always assumed that they would be depressing, loathsome, bitter, angry, and vicious.

but....i’m not. i learned that i’m incredibly loving. that i’d do fuckin anything to for my friends, but always in a way that was healthy and rewarding for both of us. i’m very light-hearted and my sense of humour is so stupid, but also very analytical and thoughtful. just a bit judgmental and pretentious, but always for things that people dont expect. totally open minded in discussions. an avid explorer, and a bit of a thrillseeker. and so, so, so affectionate.

i realized im. not as horrible as ive always made myself out to be. i accepted that i didnt need to punish myself for things beyond my control. i realized that i could believe people when they tell me that they enjoy my company, or appreciate things i do for them, or that they think i’m a worthwhile person to keep around. 

its not that i dont have my flaws, its not that there arent things that i have to work on still. but maybe, at my core, i’m not actually motivated by spite, i’m not actually a hopeless pessimist, and that i’m not...broken. i’m not some secretly irredeemable monster.

and for a period of time i’ve been in a place where i could say i was genuinely...happy! and i don’t think i’ve ever been able to say that. i’ve certainly been made happy by doing things with friends in the past, i’ve been through periods where i’ve been okay with where i am at in life, but ever since i was like 12 (but probably even before that) i’d never been able to say that i was happy. it’s not that i wasn’t stressed, it’s not that things in my life were all going perfectly....but they didn’t define my mood. they didn’t define my view of myself. school, despite being the primary focus of my life, wasn’t dictating how i was feeling. even when things were agonizing and depressing because of school, i was still okay. i was incredibly stable.

and i owe that all to him being there for me. and hardly any of these things were anything that he was really directly responsible for, like its not that he sat there and just constantly showered me in reassurance and praise or anything that changed how i view myself...it was just having his company. it was just being able to sit there and listen to him go on about some totally random thing that he was exceptionally knowledgeable about. it was exploring caves and climbing hills. it was cooking together. it was talking about science. it was talking about love. it was talking about music. it was just having a consistent presence in my life, someone that treated me like a priority but never at the expense of himself, and someone i didn’t have to walk on any kind of eggshells around. it was someone who trusted me and respected me not by anything id done to warrant it, but just because of who i was. 

it was a reminder that i can take care of my own problems, that i just need to be a good presence in someone’s life and for them to be a good presence in mine.

but also that i can accept help from people who genuinely want to offer it! and that that help doesnt always have to be direct. that sometimes helping me means i get to do something nice for someone else LOL

it was everything i ever needed and i wasnt even looking for it. he meant the world to me and i was so, so thankful for the circumstances that led us here because i was so happy to have him in my life again. i was happy that we were able to get closer because we’d only been able to interact in professional environments before.

and then i realized i was in love. and i had a sexuality crisis. but i didn’t recognize it until i fell hard because it was a different kind of love than i’ve felt for anyone before. it was intense but entirely too comfortable. but i knew that i cared about him, and that he cared about me, and that i really didn’t need anything about our friendship to change but that it had potential to be something even greater than it was.

and i resolved to tell him about it...until he told me first. and that moment was, as cheesey as it sounds, nothing less than magical. we were both so happy and giggly and it was so sweet and warm and i dont know if im ever going to be able to recreate that feeling because it was just so particular, so specific to being something between me and him. its not that i cant love anyone else as strongly or be as happy as i was necessarily, but it’ll never be that same kind of feeling.

but things happened. things got complicated. i think he panicked. and then things that happened just felt so dirty and hollow and dark. he hurt me really, really, really badly, and it managed to happen in the span of four days.

and i’ve spent the last <2 weeks dealing with it. i think he’s dealing with it in his own ways, but realistically i don’t know how because i havent seen him since christmas eve, and we were both definitely not being completely genuine that day. was at his house for a small family party and he and i were the only ones who knew what happened. it was too soon to have healed from it any, but we couldnt exactly be honest about it then either.

and im doing better. im genuinely okay now. and, interestingly, i think i owe it to the past few months of hanging out with him and how ive been able to come to terms with a lot of things about myself. ive been able to show myself compassion. its really ironic.

its a situation where i was desperately trying to throw blame onto myself for, because if i could then i could punish myself for it and use it to fuel that deep rooted self hatred and then i could fix it, because i’d be the one responsible for fixing it. but, and i’ve talked to quite a few friends about it trying to figure out who to confide in about it, everyone who knows about it insists that i cant blame myself for it. theres not a thing about the situation that i can blame myself for. and its so fucking weird, because i cant bring myself to fully blame him for it either, just because it was so ABSURDLY out of character that it doesnt feel like it was anything he could have done to me. it was a boundary that i wasnt ever supposed to worry about him crossing, because he’s just not that kind of person.

and it’s the type of situation that you’re supposed to totally be willing to cut someone off for but...i can’t. he’s genuinely remorseful and i think he doesn’t really know how to deal with it either. and despite it being a massive fuck up its still like...the first fuck up in our friendship from either of us. and i’m willing to see this through. i think it’s salvageable, even if it’ll never be the same as it was. i have faith in our friendship. i think we can make it work.

but no matter what happens. i owe him more than i’ll ever be able to repay him for. and i’ll never, ever be able to hate him because of that. i’m in a much, much better place because of him and for that i’ll always be thankful.

[nie7027]

"And then what happened?" Hatori asked completely invested in the story

"Minegishi dragged me all around the building knocking on every godamn door" Shimazaki simply said

"Was he able to convince them?" Hatori asked unable to keep the curiosity from his voice. Then again Shibata was equally eager to know.

Shimazaki shrugged

"He made me wait in the hall outside while he was inside"

It was 2 days after they have played the prank on Shimazaki and he was telling them about Minegishi's landlord's apparent outburst the previous day while they were in one of their now usual dog sightseeing walks.

Shibata hummed "At least now we know why Minegishi suddenly decided to work the afternoon shift"

"And why we ended up having to babysit this bastard" Hatori couldnt stop himself from adding.

Shibata rolled his eyes ignoring Shimazakis subsequent replies and muttering a quiet 'Here we go again' to himself

Even if he was already used to Hatoris and Shimazakis continous bickering that didnt mean he couldnt get tired from it.

He let them keep going at it while he did some quick maths in his head and intervened once they were in the middle of a who-flipped-the-bird-more-at-the-other contest.

"Guys this isnt the time for fighting. " he said forcing down both Shimazakis and Hatoris hands "Minegishi needs our help"

"And how are we supossed to help him? We arent exactly rich and some of us have future expenses like buying a new phone" Hatori complained fighting off Shibatas hold to show Shimazaki his middle finger one last time

"If you didnt want me to break it you shouldnt have used it to attack me" Shimazaki retorted not bothering to acknowledge Hatoris antics.

"FOR THE LAST TIME WE WERENT-"

"GUYS" Shibata snapped "Hatori you knew very well how risky it was to use your own phone"

"You used yours as well!" Hatori whined while Shimazaki mockingly laughed at him.

"AND SHIMAZAKI" To Shibatas surprise said man actually shutted up and turned to him "Violence shouldn't be your first response. No if you want to be a respectable member of society"

"Whatever" the man huffed stuffing his hands in his jackets pockets and quickening his pace to walk ahead of them.

Shibata shaked his head.

He wanted to believe there was hope for their friend, specially after Hatori told him what him and Minegishi had seen while he was unconcious, but the point of the matter was... it had been Shimazaki who had knocked him unconcious in the first place.

He was still too prone to violence.

"So...what are we doing with Minegishi? How are we going to help him?" Hatori whispered at his side

"I honestly don't know. We could lend him some money to alleviate some of the load" Shibata proposed "I did some quick calculations and I dont think he was sued. If he was he would have taken the night shift too. The pay is better."

"He starts it tomorrow" Shimazaki interjected effectively killing any of Shibatas hope for Minegishis financial future.

"Fuck. At this pace he is going to work himself to the bone" Hatori lamented "Why do a flower shop even needs a night shift?"

"Funerals" Shibata and Shimazaki responded at the same time.

"Oh yeah. I forgot those...Aw man Minegishis landlord sucks."

Shibata shrugged "I dont even think he had the right to demand all of that from Minegishi"

"Why does he even keep living there? That jerk doesnt even do the mandated buildings maintenance!" Hatori grumbled "Now he is going to blame everything on Minegishi"

"You know very well why" Shibata sighed tiredly.

"Why?"

It was Shimazaki. He had stopped walking and stood in front of them, waiting for them catch up and give him an answer.

"Uuuh..." Hatori eloquently said. "Because he was part of a terrorist organization that wanted to take over Japan?"

"So?"

"People dont let that pass so easily" Shibata slowly explained "it was televised"

Shimazaki shaked his head "You were there too and you dont have funny men screaming at you"

"Oh" Hatori exclaimed happy for the opportunity to make fun of Shibata "Big boy here was unconcious in a dumpster for most of the whole ordeal thanks to some 14 year old"

It was Shibatas turn to make fun of Hatori.

"Yeahb and this nerd here" he said pointing at Hatori with his thumb "Nobody recognizes his lanky ass as one of the feared terrorists even when he was the one who hijacked their signals"

"Perks of being a good looking beanpole" Hatori said grinning. And it was true, aside from governments officials, nobody ever thought of him something more than a weakass guy.

"But Minegishi...he was at the front of our forces taking control of the city so he was captured in footage several times"

"It doesnt help that he was present at the other incident too...or that he is eaisly recognizable, you know, with his lack of eyebrows"

"Minegishi doesnt have eyebrows?" Shimazaki asked genuinely surprised making Shibata and Hator burst out laughing.

Of all the things they said that was what Shimazaki had decided to latch on.

"No he doesnt" Shibata finally answered after taking a deep breath to recover "But basically thanks to all of that it was harder for him to get his own place. Not many people wanted to rent him and he couldnt afford most of those who did"

"Yeah, except for Seri most of us couldnt immediately get a job." Hatori said and Shibata could notice the way Shimazaki perked up at the mention of Serizawa but didmt have time to dwell on that because Hatori sudenly exclaimed

"WHAT ABOUT SERI?"

"What about him?" Shibata carefully asked.

"He started working before us. He should have more money saved!" Hatori simply answered as if that was the answer to all their problems

"You know Serizawas income is more err- variable than us. And besides he also has to pay for school"

"Serizawa goes to school?" Shimazaki asked confused "Why?"

Hatori shrugged "He considered that was the the best way to better himself? Personally I think that decision was whack"

"You say that because you actually have a college degree"

"A college degree that has been useless so far. I mean, look at this!" Hatori stopped pointing at a poster that was glued to the wall. It was a lost dog poster "They are paying more money for finding this dog than what they pay me in a week!"

"Holy shit" Shibata exclaimed after examining the poster. They were in fact paying a big sum of money to whoever returned the dog "They really must miss him a lot"

"Or maybe they are just filthy rich"

"My point still stands. Even if they are rich they still went and put up posters-"

"Is it a lot of money?" Shimazaki suddenly asked.

"i just said its more than my salary" Hatori deadpanned

Shimazaki made a face "That doesnt tell me anything"

"You little-"

"Yes, it is a lot of money" Shibata intervened before they could start fighting again

Shimazaki smirked "It says where?"

Shibata was confused "Where what?"

"Where did it get lost?" Shimazaki asked frowming as if that was the most obvious answer in the world

"Here says it was lost at" Hatori picked the poster to read the name of the district written in smaller letters "Ha! See? I told you they were rich. They probably-"

Hatori couldnt finish his jab. Out of nowhere Shimazaki grabbed both his and Shibatas shoulder and the old familiar and nauseating sensation of teletransportation engulfed them.

Hatori stumbled forward the moment he felt his feet made contact with earth again.

"Oh god...I had forgotten how much I hated that" he said sitting on the floor squeezing his sides

Shibata wasnt in a better shape leaning agains the wall that thankfully had materialized behind him "Buddy...a warning would have been nice"

"Crybabies" Shimazki huffed. Even that brat had held it together better than them.

Hatori, still on the floor hunched over, glared at him "You are used to it!"

Shimazaki waved him off and started to walk out the alley they had been telatransported to "You are just a weak-"

"Shimazaki..." Shibata called out taking a step away from the wall and offering his hand to help Hatori stand up. His stomach was almost settled and he could breathe better "Why did you brought us here?"

"Where are we even?" Hatori asked taking Shibatas hand and letting himself be pulled by the bigger man.

Shimazaki turned to look over his shoulder at the two of them "Didnt you say Minegishi needs money? We better find it before someone else does it. Besides there must be more lost dogs with owners willing to pay us- "

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Hatori exclaimed 

Shibata and Hatori both turned to look at eachother gasping. None of them could believe what they were hearing.

"Shimazaki..." Shibata breathed out in disbelief while the corned of his mouth were strating to pull into a big grin "You really are becoming a better-"

"Are you going to help or not?!" Shimazaki yelled exasperated before Shibata could continue with his corny speach. He really really didnt want to hear it and was willing to abandon them there if they tried to force him.

Luckily they didnt.

"Of course well help you" Shibata happily replied walking towards the end of the alley where Shimazaki was, dragging Hatori with him. "Thats what friends are for!"

"What the big guy here said" Hatori grinned adjusting his skewed glasses "Except how are we even going to search for it?"

Shimazaki turned to look to Hatoris left hand where he was still holding the lost dog poster "Does it says something about the dogs size?"

"What? Why do you-" Shibata asked confused when realization dawned on him "Of course! Mental eye!"

"Duh!"

Hatori quickly turned the paper around and scanned it for a description letting out a Bingo once he found it

"Here. Medium sized Golden Retriever dog..."

He kept reading, Both him and Shibata explaining as best as they could how it looked like while Shimazaki nodded. Once it seemed like he understood he closed his eyes and focused for 1 minute until a smirk appeared on his face.

“I got 27 in the zone.”

Hatori and Shibata pumped their fists on the air”

“Ok. So well stay here lookin around  while you go with them. Go! And make sure they are stray dogs and not inside houses!” Shibata cheered as Shimazaki teletransported away.

It didnt take more than 5 minutes for him to return carrying a happy dog in his arms. It turned to be the wrong breed but it didnt matter because as soon as Shimazaki went he returned to the place he found it and immediately went to look for another one.

That’s how the three of them spend their night with Shimazaki going and coming carrying a different dog each time. They eventually had to move another neighbourhood but it the end they found the correct dog matching the posters description and quickly made their way to the address on the poster.

When Minegishi came home late at night all he wanted to do was to drop dead on his bed and never wake up again.

But he couldnt.

There was a big pile of dishes waiting for him at the kitchens sink and it wasnt going to be long before the smell became unbearable.

Even with Shimazaki staying at Shibatas and Hatoris place dishes, that Minegishi hadnt been able to wash what with him working at least 2 shifts most days, had kept accumulating to the point the stink was becoming unbearable.

He considered using his powers to do the dirty work but god he was so tired he didnt even have enough energy in him to lift a single leaf much less manipulate the necessary amount of vines to do that chore.

Who would have thought working a double shift at the flower shop could be so tiring? Not him even though he already worked there.

He clearly had understimated the strain customer service would put on him after 10 hours of dealing with it. Not to mention the physical extenuation from hauling all those dirt sacks.

Minegishi was too tired but he couldnt go to sleep yet.

Still.

That didnt mean he couldnt take a small break and sit down for a moment.

He had been on his feet all day. He deserved this.

Those were Minegishi last thoughts because the moment he sat down on hia couch in the living room and his head felt the support of the headrest he fell sound asleep.

He woke up to the feeling of something being dropped on his lap.

When he opened his eyes the room was dark and he couldnt see a thing but he could feel the strong presence of someone else in the room and with quick practiced motions he stood up ready to fight at the same he commanded his planta to turn on the light switch.

Light came and with it the sight of a very amused Shimazaki staring back at him.

"You are finally goinfmg to fight me?" the blind man asked with a smirk on his face.

"Keep wishing" Minegishi huffed dragging a hand along his face. "Ugggh. What time is it?"

He wasnt really expecting an answer from Shimazaki so he was suprised when the man replied.

"3am"

"Huh? That late?" Minegishi said rubbing his eyes. "Must have fallen asleep" he muttered. He remembered cheking his phone when he arrived home and it had only been 10 pm.

"Werent you supposed to work the night shift today?" Shimazaki asked surprising Minegishi for the second time that night. He hadnt thought Shimazaki cared enough to remember his schedule. Lucky guees, perhaps?

"Yeah...but I was sent home." Minegishi simply said. He didnt feel like explaining the concern his boss had expressed at Minegishis apparently terrible state.

Shimazaki then made a face Minegishi had never seen on him making him a little wary of the man. His sides still hurt from prank they had pulled on him.

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

[rael-rider]

honestly i question a lot of things Gunn did overall with the Guardians in general. my least favorite marvels films which is so disappointing since i love the Guardians. but his movies werent it chief. he basically shitted on these characters for comedy??? and pushed "family," outlook to the point it was eye rolling by the end of vol 2. he shouldve stuck to some source material (he claimed to have read and completely ignored). i personally am not a fan of his guardians aesthetic. its a joke.

Yeah I am not a big fan of some of his decisions with certain characters and I think some of his jokes are unfunny and fall flat. Especially with vol. 2 which was 100% him (Taserface running gag and the huge turd joke) but I don't think I'd go as far as hating his movies. I also much prefer DnA's Guardians even though DnA weren't exactly perfect themselves (their treatment of Heather and Phyla, Gamora didn't have much development after a certain point, their Groot was just there....), but to this day DnA had written the best version of GotG for me (but I feel Ewing might be a contender, who knows, we'll see).

I did enjoy MCU for what they were even if they differ from DnA's run. I also think had Gunn not been involved we could probably have ended with a more Bendis like Guardians (which he began well before Gunn was involved) since he was consulting for the movie, and McNiven claimed to have been doing concept art for the movie. Not to mention Bendis wanting to Star Warsify the Guardians even to the point that Knowhere was depicted as a sand planet in one of his issues. Later after the movie came out he gave the Celestial head a sand environment in Guardians of Knowhere (seriously he was adamant that Knowhere=Tatooine).

We were never going to have a right out of the bat DnA Guardians if that's what you wanted (because I did) not even without Gunn and especially since DnA were removed in the comics by the Comittee because they learned that Feige wanted to do a movie and the Creative Committee wanted to reinvent the Guardian movies and comics for a new audience. Star-Lord for example, in one of the Perlman interviews that I linked, Perlman said that the Creative Committee weren't interested in Star-Lord being a guilt ridden character and that they found that concept boring, instead they wanted him to be a Han Solo type of character. This was all before Gunn (who at least had the decency to invite DnA to read his script and asked for their approval and later he invited them to the set, this was all confirmed by Abnett in the Geek with Wives podcast which you can watch on YT).

I don't much care for the Solo comparison (again Bendis and even Feige himself were too concerned about the Star Wars comparison when DnA Guardians had more of a Battlestar Galactica feel mixed with a light WH 40K feel but considering Abnett was involved it's not surprising) but I can tell you that Englehart's Peter was rude, selfish, he initially only cared for adventure and revenge (for his mother's death). He was also a swashbuckling type of character, and he made jokes as well as the ocassional pop culture reference. He also had a heart of gold and as the comic went on and then Claremont took over he becomes more heroic and learns to be a better person.

Even Star-Lord at the beginning of his own Conquest mini mentions that he used to be a person that was swept up in adventure, heroics and his own self-importance and that he changed from the person he used to be after making one horrible decision that he feels guilt from. He was a different person.

In a way MCU Peter is more like initial Star-Lord than DnA's although I think that with what he has experienced and probably will go through in vol. 3 he will be well on his way to being someone similar to that guy. Gunn is also gone after vol. 3 so I guess it's going to be the perfect opportunity for him to be more seasoned, smarter, snarkier, and full of guilt and pain after what happened with Yondu and Gamora, and what Ego did to his mom. Yet those experiences will make him want to protect his loved ones and the Galaxy as a whole (especially after Thanos) even more so I can ser him finally trying to make the Guardians be more proactive about guarding the Galaxy and being true to their name (especially now that the Nova corps is weakened and possibly gone).

Touching on DnA Star-Lord, he made jokes, had funny moments, and was ocassionally made fun of but he never let anyone push him around and never took well to being disrespected. Which is something that bothers MCU Peter's treatment that he tends to be the butt of jokes, gets disrespected, and he just shrugs them away and I really hated how he was treated in IW because of it. So yeah no more of that, respect MCU Peter or have him dostespect back.

Also I've said this before but MCU Peter in the first GotG was at the beginning of his career as Star-Lord while DnA Peter was more towards the end of his career as Star-Lord (and he was also a more positive person than Giffen's Peter Quill who only lightened up after he met Rich) so it makes some sense that they would be different the same way anyone was different ten years ago.

Man I can talk about other characters but I'll be here all day, I'll just say that MCU GotG aren't my ideal GotG, and that if I could magically go back and make them change things I would. But as they are right now I don't think it's that bad and I can't hate them even with all the things I don't like.

[superhero-daugthers11]

Endgames: captain America ten years later.

1965

He wakes up to the tv blasting in the next room. He could hear the voices of the Sunday cartoons and the children giggling. He looked to his right and saw his beautiful wife, Peggy Rogers, asleeping beside him. He watches her for a moment, captured by her beauty. Her fair skin untarnished by imperfections. Her curly brown hair had grown longer almost to her waist like a goddess. Her lips red like cherries and plump. He smiled as he caressed her arm.

He felt like the luckiest man in the world. He knew that to leave the avengers, to leave his life in the 2000s was the best decision he ever made. He knew he would have never been happy there, he needed Peggy to complete him. Without her..life was just a blur...he was just going through the motions without any hope or purpose.

Back then, he had given up on the idea of ever being happy, ever getting the life he dreamed of. Yet, now his dream was a reality: he had his best girl, and two wonderful kids he adored.

Peggy’s eyes began to flutter as she woke. She looked up at her husband.

“Steve are you okay?” She asked.

“I’m fine.” Steve answered. “Your just so beautiful. I cant keep my eyes off of you.”

She rolled her eyes and chuckled.

“I can’t believe you married me.” Steve told her. “I mean son e whimpy little kid from Brooklyn got you.”

Peggy smiled as she sat up then put a hand on his cheek.

“You are so much more than that. I’m glad we found each other.” Peggy began. “Honestly your the best thing to happen to me and i don’t think anyone could have been more perfect for me. Your my everything, Steve.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Do you know what today is?” Peggy asked him with a smirk.

“The best day of my life,” he answered grinning. “The day I married you.”

He leaned in close and kissed her. A passionate kiss that made every fiber of his being surge.

“Ten years, with my beautiful Peggy Rogers.” He continued.

She leaned into him and he ran his fingers through her hair.

“I have a special day planned for us, your gana love it.” Steve told her. “I got us reservations at that fancy Howard always surgests.”

“Your joking? That place costs a fortune for one meal.” She chuckled. “It probably cost more than this house for order of fries. We can’t go there we still need to buy the kids new clothes.”

“It’s not that bad.” He remarked back. “Howard told them that we were friends of his, so the restaurant gave us a huge discount. Free drinks, and 10% off the meal.”

“Wow that is impressive. Geez who knew knowing Howard stark would be useful for something.” She joked.

He chuckled.

“Plus I found a coupon for 30 percent in the paper!” Steve boasted with excitement.

Peggy grinned and she hugged him.

“I have taught you well.” She told him. “This is gana be great! You didn’t go out your way like this, I would have been fine with dinner at the diner.”

“These years have meant the world to me and I have been so happy being by your side. I had to do something to show you how much you mean to me.”

“Oh Steve, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.”

Steve leaned in for another kiss when suddenly they heard yelling from the other room. There was a crash and then more yelling.

Then the bedroom door swung open. Two children entered dressed in colorful PJs. One was a girl with long curly blonde hair and dark brown eyes. The other a boy with short light brown hair and blue eyes.

“Mom! Phillip broke the lamp in the living room!” The girl shouted. “He was throwing the baseball in the house! I told him to stop-“

“She’s lying! She is always lying!” The boy, Phillip yelled as he cried. “She broke the lamp doing cartwheels in the living room!”

Peggy got out of bed and hugged Phillip, she stroked his hair comfortingly.

“Amelia.” Steve called with stern voice. “Did you break the lamp and don’t lie to me, I can always tell when you lie.”

“Yes, Daddy, but i-“

“No buts your gana sit your room and think about what you did for 15 minutes and then no tv for a week.”

Amelia instantly began to cry and she clung onto Steve.

“But daddy I didn’t mean too! And I’m sorry!” Amelia cried out. “I’ll be good just don’t ground me, New twilight zone is on tonight!”

“Aww. Don’t cry princess.” Steve uttered as he hugged his daugther.

“Daddy, don’t you love me? Twilight zone is my favorite show and now I’m gana miss it!” She cried harder. “I hate you! I hate you!”

“Okay I take it back, your not grounded!” Steve replied quickly.

“Steve!” Peggy yelled. “We talked about this, you can’t cave in every time she throws a fit.”

“But she said she hated me. I don’t want her to hate me.” Steve replied sheeply.

“She’s 8 years old, she doesn’t mean it.” Peggy told him. “She just says it because she knows when she does you will give her what she wants. She’s manipulative, she is my daugther.”

Later that night, Amelia and Phillip drove the babysitter crazy as they ran around the house playing out the war stories their parents had told them. They knew every line, every detail from the stories and to them they were heros. They would annoy the babysitter by replaying the newsreels from the war over and over again. The kids literally idolized their parents. Phillips favorite toy was a plastic shield, Steve made for him and Amy loved playing with the toy gun.

Meanwhile, Peggy and Steve entered the fancy restaurant dressed in their best outfits. Peggy has her hair in an updo that that reminded her of aubrey Hepburn. She dressed in a beautiful long red dress with red laced sleeves and poofed out at the bottom. She wore her favorite red heels and a pearled necklace, that belonged to her mother. Steve wore a black suit jacket and black pants. He wore a collared shirt and fancy shoes. they still stuck out like sore tumbs amoung the rich but they didn’t care.

They sat down at a table in the center of the restaurant. There eyes darted around them looking in wonder at every beautiful picture, flower and musician playing.

“This is so nice.” Peggy told him. “we haven’t gotten to go out just us in so long.”

He chuckled.

“I know. I think the last time we went out was the week before Philip was born.”

Peggy smirked. “Sounds about right. I miss this. you know just getting time to talk with each other and hear about each other’s lives without being interrupted by the kids bickering or work calling. It always feels like there’s always something, always running around.”

“I still wouldnt change a thing.” Steve answered. “These past few years have been the best of my life.”

Peggy smirked.

“Oh come on! You told me stories about your adventures in the future.” Peggy began. “You were adored and seen as one of the worlds greatest hero’s. You lived in the age of technology were people could see each other on there phone and watch movies in their homes without a VHS player. You met people with incredible powers and abilities and saved the world from being destroyed multiple times. They had a whole bloody museum dedicated to you! You werent happy then?”

“I didn’t belong there and I felt it.”

“What do you mean? You were there for awhile I’m sure you got used to things.”

“That’s not what I mean, i felt like I was just going through the motions, doing what I thought I had to do or should do. I couldn’t be happy there, everyday was another battle another war and it was draining and depressing. No body was ever safe and no matter how many times we saved the day something bigger and badder came out of the shadows. I mean as soon as I woke up from the ice they had me join the avengers and fight Loki, a few months later shield infiltrated, then the fight with ultron, then the accords battle and then the whole thanos thing. I saw the world I knew literally fall apart around me over and over again. The wars never stopped! ...and I couldn’t be anything else but a solider. That’s what they needed and that’s what they got. I was proud to be apart of their team and I was proud of what we accomplished together. But I was captain America, to the world to the team...that’s it, Steve Rogers was gone. I had no hope of him ever coming back.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me any of this before? You always boasted about the accomplishments of the Avengers and you told the stories as if they were fun, as if they were just another challenge.”

“I didn’t want to appear weak, I wanted to be strong for you. I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle it or that I was selfish or.... I wanted to be someone the kids could look up to, who you could be proud of. Not some fool who cracked under the pressure.”

She put her hand in his.

“Steve, I could never think that of you and you are as much a hero as any of them. War effects everyone in different ways and too much of it can drive a person insane. Your not weak for being unhappy back then your strong because you overcame it and kicked some ass.”

He gave a small smile.

“Thank you.” Answered him. “That means a lot.”

Suddenly the band starts to play a fimilar song. Steve looks at Peggy and they both have the same look of excitement on their face.

Wise men say on fools rush in

But I can’t help falling in love with you

“There playing our song.” Steve told her.

“Well...is it? I hadn’t noticed.” She joked.

He stood up and put out her hand to her. Her grin turned wider and she took his hand and he pulled her close to him. He took one hand in his and put the other on her waist. The two swayed back and forth near the table.

Take my hand, take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you

For I can't help falling in love with you

[ingloriousbi]

i dont care that sylvanas is a villain. i care that her newfound explicit villainhood has come at the cost of other aspects of her character, which were interesting and nuanced and very anti-hero from the get go. like jaina, sylvanas has been flanderized into a character that is barely worthwhile - and like jaina her initial nuances and character traits have been removed and her characterization has been inconsistent since cataclysm. i care that her villainhood has come at the cost of the horde, where the narrative is consistently placing the explicit blame on the horde while ignoring alliance wrongdoings, while the alliance is “soldier” or “si7 battle mage” and the horde is “brutish grunt” and “bloodthirsty headhunter.” i care that another woman in warcrafts lore - one of four or five relevant women, and one of the four longstanding wc3 women - has had her characterization stripped, her trauma ignored, her complexities overwritten, and made to serve a narrative as a tool. the warcraft writers need politicians to do action X, and it doesnt matter which character does it, and i think its fair to point that that sylvanas has been unfairly shit on and ruined because she is a woman. im not angry shes a villain, im angry at the treatment of her character; a nuanced complex take on sylvanas could still have made her a villain (and probably would; or at the least an anti-hero; fuck its not like i havent been paying attention) without furthering the already problematic tropes and habits in the warcraft writing and narrative re: the horde, re: warchiefs, re: women. this is especially true for sylvanas, and became more true the moment blizzard published that god forsaken comic where sylvanas’ transformation into a banshee was portrayed with art. sylvanas can be a villain while maintaining prior complexities and would be a better villain for it.

garrosh was a villain too, and his character was inconsistent and weirdly written; his villainhood wouldve been more believeable if a larger emphasis had been placed on the alliance’s politics *leading* to his decisions, and if the story had either given more time or at least more gradual change to his ultimate character. that doesnt mean i hate that he was a villain; he could have been a good villain and a good character but all prior characterizations and world-building context were removed to make orc hitler. this lack of nuance is the problem; not the villainhood itself, and the same is true for sylvanas

sylvanas’s characterizations have been stripped and world-building (and history) context were removed to make her woman hitler. the horde’s villainous warchiefs are over-the-top all the time, constantly outdoing each other in war crimes, and im allowed to be bitter that a character i loved since my 8 year old ass played frozen throne has been shoe-horned into a bad, one-dimensional portrayal of an Evil Villain Witch Woman where prior existing complexties have been removed, which is especially frustrating when we know warcraft has like 5 women and they have few complexities to their characters *already*. contextually speaking there should be more complexity but its never touched upon - this is consistent with warcraft lore and narrative in general since the writing room is 1) bad at their jobs and 2) if they werent, they’re writng for an mmo so Complex Deep Narrative isnt an achievable goal anyway, but its fair that people think sylvanas shouldn’t be shoe horned into villain status in such an egregious, grotesque display of misogyny. 

just because sylvanas’ characterization problems started in cata and now finally rears its head in bfa doesn’t legitimize the issues with this inconsistency. i get that i have a weak argument when “new” sylvanas has been around for 9 years (when cata came out in 2010) and “old” sylvanas was “only” around for 7 but considering warcrafts inconsistent bullshit and the way the novels have been going back and forth on this stupid shit, i dont feel like my frustration isnt fair

people who are saying sylvanas is some sort of Morally Good Character have little to no lore or character knowledge and we’re free to critique their naivete, which i think i def see in a lot of the new sylvanas fic and is like 99% the reason i cant stand most jaina/sylvanas fic. but to pretend as if “hardcore” wow players always knew that this is where sylvanas was headed and that there’s no way that the current lore and sylvanas’s current characterization is shit and not in line with other information we’ve received over the years is bullshit. like i havent been paying attention since 2003. fuck off.

people saying sylvanas was “always evil” - based on what? item descriptions and some quest shit? people saying sylvanas actually did care for the forsaken can also quote quest shit and novel paragraphs. blizzards writing is inconsistent at the best of times, so if we cant trust canon (since canons constantly subject to change) and we cant trust symbolism or theming (since blizzard threw those mostly out the window with cata and entirely in bfa) then all of our readings and opinions on sylvanas’ characters are all equally based on the same inconsistent canon on both ends. its almost as if we’re allowed different perspectives on her character and there is no right answer! so we either admit people are allowed to be frustrated at the blatant fucking misogyny and the entire underlying problem in all of warcraft lore, which just so happens to primarily rear its ugly head in the form of sylvanas in bfa, or we all shut the fuck up, because masturbating over Sayge’s Fortune #19 item description is pretty fucking ridiculous (especially when similar fun items say obviously non-canon silly things like “never eat beef with a tauren” or, if we look at similar items beyond the darkmoon faire, straight up ridicule jaina’s character for being “crazy” now)

i dont *care* sylvanas is a villain. i care that her villainy has stripped away complexities that she could have maintained as a villain, i care that her villainy escalated in almost cartoonish degrees (which is a critique i have leveled at warcraft writing before), i care that her character has been inconsistent similar to garrosh re: will she be a soomewhat redeemable anti-hero asshole or will she be another Hitler Warchief, and i care that an entire expansions focus is a woman’s villainy when warcraft has a longstanding history of misogyny and bad story telling, and yall can say “sylvanas was always evil!!” all you want, but now we’ll start seeing tyrande deal with similar issues extradiegetic, and yall wont recognize that sylvanas was the start. if she’d been a villain that was less over the top and maintained prior context for her character, then this wouldn’t have set a precedent, but it did and it will. i know its all a stupid video game but i do care about this because im a loser.

[sighfertryptich]

Im going to rant(ish), skip if you want.

So I was watching a video (its the “Generations React to Dan Howell and Eugene Lee Yang Coming Out On Youtube” video by FBE) and everyone started sharing their coming out stories, and everyone was sharing that they were either scared or felt a freak by it. I felt that I wanted to, considering this is the only platform I have on here that I can express myself to the fullest without judgement, share my own, even though I am not in an accepting household.

So, let me start out with this. Growing up, I thought I was straight. There were no signs of me feeling any different than other kids. I was one of the more innocent children, I didnt care about gender identity or sexuality. I just cared about who I was going to play with at recess. By the time I hit fifth grade, I was naïve to the fact that not everyone was attracted to everyone around them. I didn’t understand that some boys only liked girls, and some girls only liked boys. In my community, it was rare that the gays and lesbians understood what it was, so they werent around to put that knowledge in our vocabulary. To me, if you had a crush, it could be on either a female or a male, whether or not you were the same gender or the opposite.

Reaching middle school, about a year later, our views were widened. People around me were realizing or expressing their sexualities. I, on the other hand, still didn’t understand that there were labels to these things. (Keep in mind, there still weren’t lesbians or gays out in the open yet. Everyone was either bisexual or straight.)

When this new vocabulary came to light, I could finally attempt to put a name to myself, liking both men and women.

I accepted the term bisexual for myself at the ripe age of 11.

I didn’t plan on telling my parents. I never wanted to. They didnt have to know who I was imagining kissing, they didnt have to know who I had crushes on. To this day, I never planned on telling them until the day came that I would have to. As in, if the time came, I would tell them when I got engaged to a woman.

Throughout middle school, I was labeled bisexual. It just felt normal to like who I wanted to like, and the people I surrounded myself with accepted me. I guess I got lucky with that. Reaching into high school, I got my first serious woman x woman crush. Every single day, she’d come into class and I would just gush over her. She was gorgeous. And being honest, a ripe 13 year old me was in her scene phase, and this girl oozed alternative. She had a grunge look, part of her hair was dyed sea-foam green, and she was sweet and funny and kind. As far as I knew, she liked me back.

I remember my first Sadie Hawkins dance. I got with my school’s GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) Club and put together this whole thing where me and a couple friends made shirts that said “Will you go to Sadie Hawkins with me?” She said yes! but then later the dance was canceled and we just made other plans. As time went on, she led me on to thinking she liked me. I found out she didn’t and that she was wasting her time on me when she got with one of my guy friends.

This is when my chronic depression stepped its pussy up. Thank you Dan Howell for giving me that quote.

When I was 15, I moved to my small town a state over where I reside to this day. I was still labeling myself as bisexual. I met my first lesbian that year. (And yes, this was my first time meeting a lesbian. Im serious.) She became my best friend for the next 3 and a half years. She opened me to the world of different labels and helped me through finding out what I realized I truly was.

I was, and am, Pansexual. And a proud one at that. #PansexualPride.

I got my first serious girlfriend when I was 18. Or at least, I thought it was serious. I was head over heels for her. She claimed she was bisexual. [I say claimed because she admitted after we broke up that she was straight.]

Long story short, she used me to go to RenFest, then broke up with me a week later blaming her depression, then got with some dude a day later.

A couple of months later, I met a girl through an app called Amino. She was pansexual, like me, and we had a lot of the same interests. Only problem was that while I lived in Louisiana, she lived on an island off the coast of Florida.

Although our relationship didn’t last long, I added her because this was the first time in my entire life that I actually could see myself marrying a woman.

Let me explain.

Up until this point, I had only ever seen myself marrying a man. Yes, I had an attraction to women. Ive dated women, although not many, but never could see myself marrying any of them. Nothing wrong with that.

During this time, I cut my hair very short. Like, pixie-cut with an undercut. My intentions to cut it were that it’d be easier to put up into wigs when I cosplayed, and it’d be less to take care of and look good. We’ll come back to this later.

Directly after our 3 month anniversary, yes I do month anniversaries, I met my current girlfriend, Cole.

I swear, it was one of those moments where you see someone and you know they’re going to be in your life for years to come. [Fun fact - she told me that after she had met me for the first time, she joked with her friend that her and I “would have an August wedding” even though we barely had passed a few sentences between each other.] There’s just that feeling when you look someone in the eyes and know that there’s something special about them. Something you want - no, need - in your life, whether it’s to make a life-long decision or just to help you grow as a person.

I started dressing more comfortably. I no longer wore skirts or dresses. I wore jeans and t-shirts and hats and less makeup. I wore chains attached to my belt loops. All in all, I started looking more masculine, even though it was just me dressing comfortably. My job allowed it, I was earning the money to allow me to buy clothes like this. It made me happy. I started feeling more comfortable with more masculine terms rather than strictly feminine terms, ie. “mans, they, them, boy” etc. I wasn’t uncomfortable when someone said I looked like a boy, nor was I uncomfortable with my female body. I just didnt care. It wasnt insulting as I was raised to think it was. In fact, I encouraged it. I allowed - and still allow - people to think I was whatever gender they assigned me with. In all, I became Genderfluid. Gender Neutral, if you will.

Now, we’re going to back up just a tiny bit. Tee tiny, nothing big.

About a month before I met Cole, someone outted me to my mother. Keep in mind, I was never planning on coming out to her. My older sister is like me, Pansexual. She strives on the fact that she doesnt tell people she’s in a woman x woman relationship unless people directly ask. She doesnt label her sexuality. And I look up to her severely for that.

My mother is homophobic. She says she isn’t, and maybe she’s not, due to the fact she accepts my sister and her girlfriend, and hopes they get married someday. But for me, I was supposed to be the ray of hope. I was supposed to be blonde, straight, thin, cheerleading captain female who went to college and became highly successful. I wasn’t supposed to be the 5-foot-8, blue haired, overweight, artsy gender fluid kid she had who dropped out of high school, got their GED, and “doesnt show signs of responsibility” (- per my mother, who doesnt want to put me through college) kid she ultimately got.

Dressing how I felt was comfortable and loving who I wanted to love brought me hate from the one person who should love me unconditionally - my own mother. Most people were given hate by their peers, being called gay and butch. My hate was given from the person who gave me life. My mother has said that she regrets getting pregnant with me, and that she would’ve stopped after her first two kids. In fact, she had her tubes tied BEFORE she got pregnant with me. I was being born, with or without her consent. She has told me countless times that she feels like she failed as a parent due to the way I came out as an adult.

To this day, she tells me that I constantly look “too lesbian” or “too butch” and that I need to “go back to how I used to look”. She doesnt accept that I like women. She calls me a lesbian - and everyone knows that when you like both men and women, you’re very obviously not a lesbian. Ive told her countless times that I’m not a lesbian. But she never listens. She uses the term lesbian as anyone in middle school would use the word gay - as an insult.

It makes me confused. How could you raise your kid - which by the way, Im the first kid she raised on her own, her other two were raised with either my grandmother or the baby’s father - and tell them you’re disgusted by their happiness? How could you be okay with one pansexual daughter and hate the other?

(This next part might be TMI but it makes another avid point.)

How can you be okay with your daughter sending explicit pictures to a boy, but be disgusted by your daughter holding hands with a girl?

I still have to hide my relationship with Cole. It makes me sick to my stomach to not be able to say “Mom, this is my girlfriend.” with the girl I care ever so deeply for. I want to take her to family events and show her to the world, screaming at the top of my lungs that Cole is mine and mine alone.

Cole tells me that I’m an idiot when I get gushy. In fact, she’ll probably text me saying I made her cry (dont worry, its tears of love) if she gets to the end of this.

Cole is gorgeous. Even when I spend the night, and she’s got sleep in her eyes the next morning, teeth not yet brushed, hair a mess, making gross yawning faces, I still think she’s quite possibly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She’s always got me nonstop laughing, doubling over and straight up snorting sometimes. She’s caring and headstrong, not afraid to stand up for what she believes in.

I want to be able to show her off.

But I cant with a mother like mine.

So, long story short, I grew up in an accepting community. Fell hard for some men and some women. Grew up and realized who I was as a person. Found someone who accepts me through each and every questioning moment I have with myself. Yet, I cant show her off like the people around me all because of the one person who gave me life.

I guess you could say this is the end, but everyone knows its a To Be Continued. You just gotta roll with what life gives you, whether or not the people in your life are there to love you or hurt you.

If you got this far, I applaud and also thank you. I’m not able to rant to anyone like this, so if you took the time to read this, I appreciate it. No one wants to hear my story. If you do…

My name is Marley, and I am a Pansexual, Gender Neutral, KPop loving cosplayer who is not afraid to love who they want to love.

Thank you ♡

(Btw, sorry if I got off track towards the end. My mind wanders when telling stories. I wrote this on my phone so I’ll go back and add a “Keep Reading” thing if you’d rather just skip it.)