#so i have a uhhhh friend? who's in a relationship with some dude

[croh3]

i just had the weirdest exchange ever

[steviewashere]

They Were Roommates!

Rating: Mature CW: None Relationships: Steve/Eddie, Steve & Robin, Eddie & Robin, Eddie & Chrissy, Robin/Chrissy Tags: Alternate Universe — Modern Setting, Texting, Dialogue Only, Text Fic, Humor, Sexual Humor, Bad Flirting, Mild Angst, Stardew Valley References, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington is a Little Shit, Eddie Munson is a Little Shit, Robin Buckley is a Little Shit, Chrissy Cunningham is a Sweetheart, Alternate Universe — Roommates/Housemates, Robin Buckley is a Chappell Roan Fan, Steve Harrington is Chronically Offline, Eddie Munson is Chronically Online, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Gay Disaster Eddie Munson, Alternate Universe — No Upside Down, Alternate Universe — No Supernatural Elements, Neurodivergent Steve Harrington, Neurodivergent Eddie Munson, Neurodivergent Robin Buckley Originally posted here on AO3, but I felt it was time to bring it over to Tumblr. Lots of sexual jokes in here, I'm sorry lol

📱—————📱

Steve: Do you wanna hang out in my room? I could rent that new Kristen Stewart movie.

Robin: Can’t. I’m being gay and listening to music.

Steve: …what?

Robin: I’m being gay and listening to music.

Steve: You’re…??? I don’t understand.

Robin: Chappell Roan.

Steve: ? Who?

Robin: Chappell Roan. The singer. The lesbian icon. Chappell Roan.

Seen 2h ago

——— Eddie: hey

Steve: Hey? Aren’t you driving? Why are you texting me?

Eddie: yeah, about that

Eddie: I was driving home and I guess I ran over a nail?? or maybe a sharp stick or something? I dunno but now I have a flat tire and I need to be picked up

Steve: You don’t have a spare? Shouldn’t you carry one for a van like that?

Eddie: steve.

Steve: Eddie.

Eddie: what makes you think somebody like me has a spare tire?? I don’t even have a modern radio in this fuckass van why would I have a spare tire

Steve: So that you don’t get in situations like this? Forget the spare tire. Where are you? I’ll come get you.

Eddie: I’m uhhhh……at Walmart in the parking lot

Eddie: I got something for your birthday so you cant look inside of my bag

Eddie: god, this shit is a pain in the ass

Eddie: this would’ve never happened if harambe didn’t die

Steve: Who?

Eddie: you’re joking. steve, tell me you’re joking and that you know who harambe is.

Steve: Was he a friend of yours?

Eddie: holy shit. you don’t know who harambe is. what the hell were you doing in 2016

Steve: 🙄 

Steve: Can you just tell me so that I can pick you up and we can have dinner?

Eddie: you’re gonna have to sit down for this

Eddie: basically, harambe was this gorilla in the……cincinnati zoo, I think?? anyway he was this gorilla that was just sorta vibing in his enclosure and then this little boy fell in

Steve: Oh my god. Is the boy okay?

Eddie: oh, the boy is totally fine

Eddie: the zoo killed the gorilla tho

Seen just now

Eddie: steve? hello?

Steve: They killed the gorilla? Did the gorilla even do anything?

Eddie: nope

Steve: So they just killed an innocent gorilla?

Eddie: yeah

Eddie: they thought he’d kill the kid

Seen just now

Eddie: soooo….u on ur way?

Eddie: steve?

Eddie: steeeeveeeeee

Steve: Hold on, dude.

Eddie: I can order an uber

Steve: Just give me a fucking second. I’m crying in the middle of our apartment’s courtyard, Jesus Christ.

Steve: A little boy just asked if I was okay and I had to tell him that some zoo killed a gorilla and now he’s crying with me.

Steve: You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.

Eddie: ???

Eddie: we sleep in separate beds. in separate rooms.

Steve: Couch.

Eddie: ….fine, m’lord. sorry.

——— Robin: why did you tell him about Harambe?

Eddie: he asked!

Robin: he. won’t. stop. using. my. computer.

Robin: even when I get it back, there’s like five tabs in my history about that fucking gorilla.

Robin: wait. hold on.

Eddie: oh, god. Is he crying again?

Eddie: I’m already at the store. I’ll get him a tub of that mudslide ice cream and uhhh…do you think he likes red or white roses??

Eddie: there’s a sale on those big Reese’s easter eggs….I’ll get him a few of those

Eddie: do you think it’s too much to get him balloons…

Eddie: robin? hello? why do you guys just stop responding?

Robin: dude. he reads People magazine. like…

Robin sent a photo

Robin: that’s his inbox, dude. he left himself logged in and there’s like fifty of these People emails.

Eddie: robs, don’t kick a guy while he’s down

Eddie: that’s poopy :(

Robin: you’re the reason he’s feeling so shitty! suck his dick or something, fuckhead. that might make him feel better

Eddie: yeah? you think?

Eddie: doesn’t he use flavored condoms though? 

Eddie: mmmm…strawberry dick

Robin: HE BOUGH CHAPPELL ROAN TICKETS??? THE BASTARD

Robin: he doesn’t even know who she is…

Robin: also

Robin: please don’t send me “mmmm….strawberry dick” ever again.

Eddie: sto psnooping and i won’t do that

Robin: …no

Eddie: get ready for me to suck your best friend’s dick, then. I got him three of those Reese’s eggs, a tub of ice cream, a bouquet of white roses, and Walmart’s finest boxed wine.

Eddie: he’ll forget about his woes with ye olde harambe

Eddie: cuz he’ll only think of my name, motherfucker

Seen just now

Robin: I hate u

Eddie: eat my farts

Robin: 🖕

Eddie: I love you too, robs

Robin: get me sprite please.

Robin: and pads ultra absorbent in the orange wrapper.

Eddie: will do with haste, m’lady

Eddie: got you a new bottle of midol and a large chewy nerds rope

Robin: thank you

Robin: just don’t tell me when you suck his dick, that’s all I ask

Eddie: I make no promises.

Seen just now

——— Steve: Why is there like five Reese’s eggs sitting on my bedspread right now?

Eddie: I’m apologizing

Steve: For?

Steve: Wait…Is this about that gorilla? Dude, don’t worry about that. You could’ve told me that it happened eight years ago.

Eddie: oh thank god

Eddie: robin keeps encountering me in the kitchen in the middle of the night with her scary lesbian aura and the eyes sharp enuf to kill a man

Eddie: I got you ice cream and flowers, too did you see them ????

Seen 3m ago

Steve: When are you coming home?

Eddie: uhhhhh

Eddie: like two hours my shift here should be done by then if my dickwad of a manager lets me out on time

Eddie: fucker might ask me to stay back tho because the closers can’t do their jobs

Eddie: why?

Steve: I need to eat your love straight out of your asshole.

Eddie: Jesus

Eddie: …

Eddie: damnit Steve, now I’m fully erect in the walk-in

Steve: You can’t come home now?

Eddie: no sweetheart I can’t

Seen 5m ago

Steve: I put your pillows on my bed. If you don’t fuck me into next Sunday when you come back, I’ll tell Robin you’re the reason our couch has a huge stain on it.

Eddie: mmm

Eddie: you drive a hard bargain but…ok.

Steve: Really? You’re easy to convince.

Eddie: you kidding me? I’ve been wanting you in bed with me since the day I met you, pretty boy

Eddie: im fucking over the moon right now that my proposition worked

Steve: If you call it “propositioning” one more time, Robin will know about the couch.

Eddie: okay fine, I’m not propositioning

Eddie: I’m rizzing you up

Steve: What does that mean?

Eddie: you’re so offline and it’s doing things to me

Eddie: charming. I’m charming u

Eddie: you’re my favorite old person.

Steve: ?

Steve: I’m twenty-three.

Eddie: whatever you say, peepaw

Eddie: I gotta go have to take care of this massive hard-on you gave me. can’t wash dishes like this

Steve: Yeah? We should put that to the test.

Eddie: and I’m the freak ??

Seen just now

——— Robin has created a group chat with two other people

Robin: the next time you guys resolve the issues you two idiots create for each other, can you let me know ahead of time? you’re lucky I didn’t bring Chrissy home with me from class.

Eddie: I don’t know what you’re talking about nothing happened

Robin: I thought somebody brought home a girl, but it was just Steve.

Steve: Do I sound like a pretty girl at least?

Robin: the prettiest, but seriously. 

Robin: I don’t need to hear you guys getting it on while I’m trying to eat my after school taco.

Eddie: don’t you need Chrissy for that ??

Robin: I’m going to put nair in your shampoo.

Steve liked a message: "the prettiest, but seriously."

Steve: I’m ordering pizza. You guys want cheesy bread?

Robin: Yes!

Eddie: plz? With the garlic dip too 🥺 ??

Steve liked a message: "plz? with the garlic dip too 🥺 ??"

Robin: you text like a bottom

Steve: Trust me, he’s not. ;)

Robin: uggghhhhh!! I’m so proud of you two but also go fuck yourselves, you turds

Eddie: with pleasure

Eddie: robs, steve and I are gonna have sex before the pizza gets here

Robin: you two are insufferable.

Robin: I’m gonna sit on the porch and call my girlfriend. before I implode.

Delivered 10m ago

Robin: Chrissy says congratulations.

Delivered 2m ago

——— Eddie: robs, I’m about to have birthday sex with Steve

Eddie: put your headphones on

Robin: he opened that game you got him and immediately needed to do it? Jesus

Eddie: about to get me a slice of that birthday cake if you know what I mean

Robin: please just shut up.

——— Robin: Eddie.

Eddie: ? wut

Robin: you need to tell your boyfriend that he can’t use voice to text when you two are flirting

Robin: I was on the phone with my fucking gyno’s office and I could hear him through the other room say

Robin: and I quote

Robin: “I’m going to ravish that perky ass of yours.”

Robin: my gyno asked me if I was busy, Edward. busy having buttsex with my platonic soulmate. I was humiliated.

Robin: I need you to have a convo with him or something.

Eddie: u should buy earplugs

Robin: I WAS ON THE PHONE, EDWARD

Robin: ON THE PHONE WITH MY VAGINA DOCTOR

Robin: IT WAS EMBARRASSING FOR EVERYBODY INVOLVED

Eddie: but he’s such a slow typer

Eddie: it’s literally like watching my uncle try and use his phone

Eddie: but fine.

Eddie: I’ll make him play that game I got him or something instead of text me

Robin: fucking thank you

Robin: and stop leaving your dildo in the bathtub

Eddie: wut dildo ?? I don’t own a dildo

Robin: …

Robin: I’m gonna wring his neck, brb

Eddie: he’s using a dick that isn’t mine ?? :(

Delivered 10m ago

——— Steve: If I can’t use voice to text to flirt, then you shouldn’t be able to have loud phone sex with Chrissy, Robs.

Robin: …no comment

Eddie: are u having loud phone sex with MY platonic soulmate ??

Eddie: bro…

Robin: she told me my trumpet tounging skills were good and that she couldn’t stop thinking about them

Robin: 😔 so I got horny with it, I’m sorry

Eddie: birdie getting horny on main ?? with a praise kink of all things ??

Steve: Hey, I take offense to that. You praise me all the time.

Eddie reacted to a message: "Hey, I take offense to that. You praise me all the time."

Eddie: sorry sweetheart, ’twas only in jest

Robin: I thought Stevie was listening to music while playing his farm game! I didn’t think he could hear me!

Eddie: tsk tsk

Robin: I’m going to Chrissy’s. and turning my notifs off.

Eddie: where does she live ??

Robin: what? you’ve been to her parent’s house

Eddie: in pound town ?!!

Eddie: oh that… that sent too l8

Steve: Eddie, can you come back from your uncle’s? I started playing Stardew Valley this morning and I’m at a point where I need to find the mayor’s shorts. I don’t know where they are.

Steve: Never mind. Got them.

Steve: Why were they in Marnie’s room?

Eddie: steve… baby …

Steve: ?

Eddie: they were having crazy sex animal style

Seen just now

Steve disliked a message: "they were having crazy sex animal style"

Steve: When are you going to stop being on the internet? It’s fundamentally changed something in you that I don’t think can ever be reverted.

Eddie: that would be whimsy, m’lord

Eddie: and childlike wonder

Robin: can you guys get a room? I’m trying to drive and my stupid car play keeps reading out your text messages.

Steve: Why won’t this character leave his bedroom? Is he Eddie?

Eddie: … ur so feisty today

Steve: Feisty for you.

Robin: GET A ROOM, YOU FREAKS

Delivered just now

——— Robin: I just got home and Steve’s in the exact same spot on the couch that I left him in at like noon. it’s six.

Eddie: is he seriously still on that game I got him ??

Robin: the farm game, right? otherwise, he bought a new game while I was gone

Eddie: yeh. he mentioned it like once and I thought it wood be nice for his birthday but now I’m regretting my choices

Robin: I just peeked my head into the living room and he’s currently feeding chickens on the big screen and cooing at them as if they’re real. I don’t think we’re gonna be watching Chopped tonight.

Eddie: 😔 that’s my favorite part of our dinners tho

Robin: it’s your fault. he’s been on there since like eight this morning.

Robin: I heard him yelling about some bitch named Pierre because he couldn’t buy seeds. I thought this was supposed to be a relaxing game??

Eddie: it usually is but you know Steve

Eddie: he rages over like every game

Eddie: I just thought it would be a change of pace from that match three game he keeps getting himself sucked into

Robin: mmm…that royal match one, right? he keeps sending me invites. think he’s on like level 560.

Eddie: how ?? he started playing that two days ago

Robin: pattern recognition.

Eddie: ahhh yeahhh pattern recognition

Eddie: the reason why every horror movie marathon ends up boring for him

Eddie: he figured out the killers in the new scream movies within the first ten minutes

Robin: he’s yelling about someone named marnie?? he needs to buy hay but can’t get it. I might need you to come back from your uncle’s and convince him to put the controller down.

Eddie: no, marnie can go fuck herself. she’s having an affair with the mayor and putting everybody’s animals in jeopardy.

Robin: so much rage and gossip for a game about farming.

Seen just now

Robin: Eddie, he’s making kissy noises at an NPC and telling him that he’s gonna capture all the frogs in the world.

Robin: should I be worried?

Eddie: nah, just let him be at least this is giving him something to do

Eddie: he’s been having a pretty bummer week

Eddie: had a phone call with his parents. didn’t end well.

Robin: ah, okay. will you pick up our normal pizza order on your way back?? I’m not in the mood to cook tonight.

Eddie: yeh, sure

Robin: remind me to send you money on Venmo.

Robin: I’m gonna get him to info dump.

Robin: maybe I’ll start playing with you guys, too.

Eddie: don’t worry about the Venmo thing. but I am going to force you to play. think you’ll love it.

Eddie: although, then I’ll have to deal with two Stardew addicts

Eddie: oh well, be home soon

Seen 2m ago

——— Robin: can Chrissy live with us?

Eddie: I don’t see a problem with it, homie

Steve: Yeah, I don’t see why not.

Steve: Is everything okay though? Does she need a place to stay right now?

Robin: everything’s fine, Stevie. don’t need to worry

Robin: I just want her with me and as much as I love you guys, I’m tired of being the only woman in the apartment

Robin: and being the only level-headed one

Robin: but mainly because I want to cuddle my girlfriend every night

Steve: Yeah, sure.

Eddie: fuck yeah

Eddie: two pairs of best friend chaos

Eddie: surely this will go well

Robin added a person to the group

Chrissy: Hey guys!!

Eddie: Chrissy, my love my light my world

Eddie: you’re going to regret everything

Steve emphasized a message: "Chrissy, my love my light my world"

Steve: I thought I was that?

Eddie: you’re my moon, stars, and galaxy

Eddie: you’re the universe

Steve: Hehe, really?

Robin: hey chris, this is how they are please get used to it because they’ve been driving me insane for months now

Chrissy: I think it’s cute! 💕

Chrissy: I should add them in the Sims!!

Steve: What’s that?

Robin: oh no

Eddie: Chrissy, don’t do it don’t tell him

Chrissy: Oh, it’s this game where you can make characters and build them a house and basically guide their lives. It’s really cool, Steve!

Chrissy: You should play it!

Steve: Is it fun?

Chrissy: Oh my god, yeah! You can make anybody and literally do anything. 

Chrissy: Like think of all the people you hate.

Chrissy: You can make them and kill them and make them suffer and it doesn’t actually harm anybody in real life, it’s great! 💕

Robin: Chrissy

Chrissy: Yes, love?

Robin: he just disappeared into the home office.

Eddie: somebody needs to take his card away from him like right now

Robin: too late. I just heard the music start up.

Eddie: Chrissy, I love you to bits and pieces but I think you’ve successfully indoctrinated a new monster

Steve: I can fine tune the genders of these guys.

Steve: I’m making a dog and his name is going to be Peanut.

Steve: This game is wonderful.

Delivered 30m ago

Steve: Eddie’s pregnant and the kitchen is on fire.

Eddie: wut how it’s been half an hour

Eddie: why am I pregnant

Eddie: steve, what did you do

Steve: 😏

Steve: You know what I did.

Eddie: Steve. I’m coming home early from my trip at Wayne’s. but I need you to answer when I call you. I can’t be horny in here.

Robin: You guys are disgusting. Chrissy, what have you done?

Chrissy: Robin, we’re getting married in the Sims.

Robin: I luv you 💕

Chrissy: Now we’re having sex animal style.

Eddie: I hate that I taught you that.

Steve: We had a son.

Seen just now

Eddie liked a message: "We had a son."

Eddie: name him corn. it would be funny

Seen 5m ago

Eddie: no love for corn boy ?

Steve: Sometimes I wish you would shut up.

Eddie: make me

Steve: I’m gonna be fucking Eddie when he comes home in like thirty minutes. Don’t come back until I text you.

Robin: I’m staying at Chrissy’s tonight to help her pack. don’t do butt stuff on the couch.

Eddie: I make no promises

Steve liked a message: "I make no promises"

Seen 5m ago

——— Robin: Steve, what’s with the orange envelope on my desk? it’s too ominous for my liking.

Steve: You should open it! :D

Steve: It’s a gift for you and Chris for your guys’ one year!

Robin: CHAPPELL ROAN

Steve: :)

Steve: In New York, too! I found the good flights from Chicago to there and back. I booked you guys a hotel and there’s a whole printed out page of all the good restaurants in the area! And I also have some cash that you guys can use for food and souvenirs and stuff!

Robin: …Steve you beautiful beautiful man thank you

Robin: I’m making your favorite dinner tonight

Steve: Eddie’s reading a book right next to me, though?

Robin: why are you gay

Robin: no bitch. I was talking about a reuben sandwich

Robin: but I guess if you wanna suck cock, then whatever

Steve: Eh. I’ll save it for dessert.

Steve: Also, you don’t have to act surprised about those tickets. I know you looked through my emails.

Steve: You’re literally this motherfucker.

Steve has sent an image

Robin: That’s literally just Snoopy.

Steve: You got this.

Robin: …oh

Robin: maybe don’t subscribe to People magazine and then leave fifteen tabs about harambe open on my laptop

Steve: Blame Eddie.

Robin: Blame Eddie, you’re so right.

——— Eddie: Chrissy, am I being shunned?

Chrissy: Harambe.

Eddie: what?

Steve: The gorilla.

Eddie: not this again

Robin: you have been banished to the shadows for aiding me in my quest to find the Chappell Roan tickets

Eddie: YOURE THE ONE WHO SNOOPED I TOLD YOU NOT TO

Chrissy: Babe…you told me you didn’t.

Sent 10m ago

Robin: I’ve been shunned :(

Eddie: welcum to the club, loser

Robin: I hate you

Eddie: :)

Steve: Eddie’s pregnant again.

Seen just now

Eddie liked a message: "Eddie's pregnant again."

Eddie: plz name it corn this time plzzz

Steve disliked a message: "plz name it corn this time plzzz"

Eddie: I shall avenge you corn boy, for you will not be shunned like your father

Steve: If I stop shunning you and suck your dick, will you be normal?

Eddie: maybe

Steve: Robin, Chrissy. I need you to go to the grocery store for a little bit. I have something to do before I need to go to work and you guys can’t be here.

Robin: you guys are like rabbits when is it hunting season

Steve: Love you too

Robin: Love you more, dingus. Just please stop fucking all the time.

Eddie: how else am I going to be pregnant?

Robin has left the group chat

📱—————📱 I plan on making a part two for this one! Here it is as-is, for now, though.

[urautismdiagnosis]

Captain Barnacles my beloved (click for higher quality)

<reblogs appreciated :>

My glorious man, my most wonderful guy ever

random thoughts about him under the cut

Sob I'm so many years behind in octonauts episodes I'm barely scratching the iceberg lmso but my general vibe of octonauts above and beyond so far is that "Holy Sht Global Warming" and also My tiny Friends Have Grown!! Like dude I'm so proud of them all lol

Honestly to me the captain is just in his 30s, somewhere in there, idk what his role is in the found family (father figure?? big brother???) but honestly I adore his relationships with each of the octonauts (esp with dashi ahahhagugugh!!!! and peso too augdhbf Theyre so precious he's so proud of them) I love how he and tweak just get eachother and kwazii is just like His Favorite Little Guy??? and shellington, my god-

Like this guy just adopts everything in sight istg- <3

Im starting to realize that either my autism is blinding me or maybe he's autistic too and like??? Theater kid ahhh playing the accordion and bursting into song?? Mr "I am so full of obsession and love for all of this and all of you", Mr " I got my gup struck by lightning, my arm crushed by a clam, stung by a jellyfish, nearly attacked by barracadas, thrown around violently on the back of a wall, crashed into a sunken ship, and then nearly drowned and Hahaha Yes Im Fine did you all need anything?" LIKE SIR???

Also you just know he went out and got his whole nautical fit, with the hat and everything, and just went "oh crap I cant be the only one uhhhh" and then gave EVERYONE THE CUTEST FREAKING MATCHING HATS!!!

this guy had dreams and they're coming true and all his dreams are BEAUTIFUL-

also my partner was helping me figure out his design and went "omg am I just helping u make him a dilf" and I went "nah we making him a papi" and like damn cuz- sobbing can you tell the conversation happened at A Late Hour At Night.

i gave him a single lower lash this sticks out stylishly and totally didn't give him natural polar bear eyeshadow, I also like to think that he's somewhere on the aro ace spectrum but that might just be me projecting lol

ignore the pic of a compass I stole btw that doesn't matter

i think the design might still have some room for improvement so if I've made it this far lmk if u think it could use any fun touches

(also this guys body type KILLED ME it took me sooo many tries)

ᵃˡˢᵒ ᶦᵏ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵇᵃʳⁿᵃᶜˡᵉˢ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ ᶦˢ ᵏᶦⁿᵈᵃ ʳᶦᵈᶦᶜᵘˡᵒᵘˢ ᵗᵒ ᵃˡᵒᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ, ᵇᵘᵗ ᶦᶠ ᵘ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᶦᵗ, ᵇʸ ᵖᶦʳᵃᵗᵉ ˢᵗᵃⁿᵈᵃʳᵈˢ ᶦᵗ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵃ ᵛᵉʳʸ ˢᶦᶜᵏ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶦⁿᵗᶦᵐᶦᵈᵃᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵖᵒʷᵉʳᶠᵘˡ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ. ᶜᵘᶻ ʸᵏ, ᵏᵉᵉˡʰᵃᵘˡᶦⁿᵍ…

i bet he misses bianca alot poor guy,

also here's my most cursed head canon: he's a polar bear and is often in very warm environments, so y'all think he just like.... cuts and thins his fur?

Im so sorry y'all but I can just imagine him at 2 am just crying next to a pile of his own fur because oh God this is so hard, I imagine the whole process of doing that to ur whole body routinely with tools that break is probably similar to the process of undoing protecting braids for folks who have afro textured hair, but I wouldn know personally I've just heard how much the process can be time consuming and be kinda tiring 0-0

Also I cant believe I haven't mentioned this yet but I think he's like 8 feet tall, which compared to most of his crew being at smallest 4.7 to 5.8 he's just huge compared to them XD. I tried to make like conversions based on irl animals and etc, but the captain is like literally The Tallest A Person Can Be. Like y'all know polar bears are The Largest and Tallest pawed mammals to exist??? like 13 feet tall irl

im just so proud of him he is so compassionate and supportive and cares so much about everyone and everything-

fanny pouch ahh belt

[sinning-23]

Shake a'lil Ass

OPLA Reaction to you shaking ass, and shaking it well.

I already told yall this was my current hyperfixation I'm going all in and losing my fucking marbles in the process. Uhhhh yeah! Enjoy

Warnings: none really? like may e a PINCH of nsfw but you'll live lol, metions of shakin ass, and catching it.

Zoro

-Not really a jaw drop but his eyes get kinda big. Like he knew you had ass but to see it move like fuckin water was definitely an awakening

-Won't go out of his way to stare but will side-eye the fuck outta you when you do like a lil twerk, just barely shaking your ass in little circles. He loves that tbh.

-NOW IT'S A DIFFERENT STORY IF Y'ALL ARE IN AN ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP

-Not that he's not gonna be mad if you're shaking as in one of the various bars they made to find their way in cause he can fight. God forbid some stranger tries to catch what is rightfully his. It's game over

-On the off chance that he actually dances with you, be prepared for his hands to be on your hips, handling anything you throw back. You might even get him to bite his lip a lil.

-If you ask him to shake ass he won't. you WILL NOT convince him. Even if it's just for a little bit, and no one is around. No ma'am no ham no spam

Luffy

-The first time he caught you twerk a lil bit was when you happened to be mopping the deck. However, the mop acted as a pole for you to keep your balance while you were in more or less a squat position, ass moving up and down.

-“What are you doing?”

-He really didn’t know what that was but he knew for a FACT he had to see it again…for research and demonstration purposes.

-Tried to catch it, but kinda of failed. Doesn’t try again but will definitely watch you when you throw it back.

-Doesn’t really have a problem with you finding another dance partner that can shake ass with you.

-He's already 5 steps ahead when a dude tries to come behind you.

-Just know before he can get his hands on you he’s being yanked back by a stretchy pair of arms and a smile that is more threatening than friendly

-He’s loved dancing with you and is more than happy to keep his hands on your hips when you throw it slow.

-His eyes get this kinda low, focused look, and somehow his lip always ends up tucked between his teeth. And there’s ALWAYS a blush rising to his cheeks.

-Gives a low, “okayyyyy.” To kinda hype you up

-What can he say his girl's so talented and beautiful and he gets to have her allll to himself.

-WHAT?! He’s allowed to be a bit possessive 😌

Sanji

-GYATTTT DAMN. Like he's stared before cause who wouldn't stare at you even when you're not twerking.

-The MINUTE he hears a beat drop and sees you sprint over to a space wide enough for your antics he's up and ready to protect you from creeps. (but also there to enjoy the show tbh)

-Never seen somebody twerk in a split before but now he has and the memory of you is tucked in a special folder in his brain...for safekeeping.

-Personally, he likes it when you have your random twerk moments. it could be the most simple task you're doing and you sneak in a lil jiggle just cause.

-In an established relationship best believes he's behind you, trying his damndest to keep up. one hand on your hip, the other taking a drag from his cigarette.

-Ok...maybe he'll try a little shake if you ask long enough, and he surprisingly got some cake back there. (whatchu doin with all that ass)

Nami

-That's my best friend, she a real bad bitch

-As your certified bestie... 9 times out of 10 she's shaking ass with you...her knees pop sometimes (hot girls with bad joints)

-Give her a break she don't do this often

-She tries and has gotten significantly better, learning from the best (you)

-In a relationship with her best believe your shakin ass on her. Like that's a given and gad damn can she catch whatever is thrown at her.

-She gets hella into it too, a focused look in her eyes with her lower lip tucked between her teeth

-Good music? a few drink in your systems? I mean there's already a dance circle formjng and there the two of you are throwing ass and catchign it for one another.

-She shakes her thighs a lot when shes alone and that ultimately turns into a lil twerk circle when shes feelin herself.

-'Oh wow...my ass kinda fat in this?" she smiles, turnng to the side to admire her figure.

-She gets kinda silly with it, chanting 'aye aye aye" or "fuck it up! fuck it up!"

-Nami = best twerk partner

Usopp

-Thinks he can catch it

-Is quickly proven TF WRONG. He miscalculated how much effort goes into that and damn he got overwhelmed fast

-Jesus Christ woman why you got so much ass like wtf

-He can’t catch it but he will grab two big handfuls of it when the chance arises

-Please throw it back slow on him- he’s literally gonna disintegrate omg.

-Yes he will shake ass with you

-Like Nami he will also hype you up

-Runs with you to the floor when the first few notes of back that ass up play. It’s serious business

-Don't let him get some drinks in his system cause ya'll will be in a nice little corner, lights just dim enough, your back to his front, the both of yall fuckin it up

Shanks

-PLEASE feel free to shake ass cause he's gonna watch, catch, and grind without a care in the world.

-The first time he caught you it was just a little jiggle, nothing more but as the drinks progresses, the more comfortable you got.

-Mans is kinda hypnotized with the way you move, like the circles, whew

-Can catch it VERY well. Only once did he falter a bit, stumbling only a pinch but he blamed it on the alcohol (no jamie foxx)

-really liked when you twerk show, purposefully pressing agaisnt him. but also

-Will squeeze the plush of your ass when you do, and I mean a handful of your ass is in his hand.

-Set his drink on top of it when you go slow because he knows you won't spill it. You'll get justtttt close enough but your hips are so calculated you don't.

-Get him drunk enough he'll shake some ass, only with you tho. dont tell him about it the next day, he'll deny deny deny with that stupid smile on his face.

Buggy

-I don't think we need to beat around the bush here. THIS MAN LOVES YOU AND YOUR ASS.

-He can catch it...sometimes. No there will not be further elaboration.

-Oh the occasion that he can successfully handle the way you move he manages to pull your hips onto him, loving the feeling of you shaking it slower

-It doesn't take much convincing to get him to twerk with you. he might ask why but will put his hands on his knees to prepare for your tutorial anyway.

-Now you wanna talk about the sound of rattling bones.... yes he tried to shake ass...but the thing is he doesn't really have any ass to shake so it just...its comical

-He's well aware of the fatty you got, hell he can't keep his hands from landing harsh smacks whenever he gets a chance. Don't let him catch you throwin it back 'cause he's gonna have the time of his life slapping it.

-Damn near fucking while dancing I mean it gets kinda nastyyyyy

-Saw you wall twerk, hasn't been the same since

-Not when he isn't particularly in the mood to dance, he loves to watch, and that's even better because he has an excuse to fuck up the next person to try and lay hands on what his.

[creepycoffins]

May I ask… about your jotakak headcannons? Any of them that you’re willing to share. Please I beg

YEAH OFC uhhhh hold on I'll put a cut here so I can go into detail

First of all, addressing the elephant in the room: It's very clearly stated in canon that Kakyoin hates submitting to people. That goes for friends too. If you are Kakyoin's friend, it means that you have earned his respect. So I think it's safe to say that he would not be submissive in any part of the relationship, romantic or platonic, and likewise fail wife Jotaro getting assigned suave dom top is SOOOO funny like did we watch the same thing. Fandom always does this it's binary thinking it's heteronormative it's tired dude!! Kakyoin MELTS Jotaro like a hot knife in butter dude, ain't noooo way. Also Hierophant is RIGHT there with his whole thing?? Right ok

Wrt Jotaros Issues, I think Kakyoin can see straight through him. Jotaro is known to believe that his actions speak louder than anything he could communicate verbally, which DOES incite many miscommunications, but Kakyoin is insightful, thoughtful, and observant enough to see and understand most of jotaro's intentions (ur not cool and stoic, jotaro, ur purposely putting urself in harms way so that you are the only one who gets hurt bc you at least know how you'll handle it!!!)

I like to think that if Kakyoin had lived, Kakyoin would have been Jotaro's confidant, and vice versa (since, despite his straightforward sincerity, Kakyoin definitely has some work to do on communicating his feelings and being vulnerable as well). I think, despite both of them being stubborn as hell they get each other, bottom line.

Also their stands are suuuuch a good battle couple combo hierophant holds them down/weakens defenses and splat punches the shit out of them it's baked in!!!

Other lil things I'll put in the tags bc I've already typed enough ty for coming to my ted talk :))

[multishipper-baby]

hope this isnt weird but i've been having fun reading your eakwynn takes and i've become very interested in your vision for them !! so i also wanted to ask (if you haven't been asked this before): how are they when it comes to physical intimacy? what about verbal intimacy? which one does each of them prefer? (it can be something else that's not physical or verbal too)

Never feel bad for giving me more excuses to ramble about eakwynn. Getting asked about them is like opening Christmas presents to me!

Anyway- they're both very physical people. Eak cannot go one episode without pulling Towntrap around, and Owynn canonically both hugs Springtrap and fantasizes about hugging Fox, two guys he just met. Once they get comfortable with each other there is never a moment when they're not touching in some way. Not necessarily in the "making out literally everywhere" type of touching some teen couples have, but rather in a subtle way- like they're always holding hands or locking arms or leaning against each other in some way, but they save the more affectionate stuff like hugging or kissing for when they're alone. But yeah they very much prefer this one.

Verbal intimacy is more... Complicated. Since their relationship started out being antagonistic, they're both initially unwilling to open up to each other too much. Trying to get Owynn to talk about his feelings is already like pulling teeth without the whole messiness that came before their relationship, and Owynn's unwillingness to be honest with him made Eak respond in kind, which meant they were pretty stuck for a while. They kind of relied a lot on non verbal communication early on, because giving someone a gift or a hug in place of an apology was much easier for Owynn than actually saying the words "I'm sorry" out loud, but that can only get them so far, you know?

I think the main issue would be that there's an imbalance in how they see verbal intimacy: Owynn has been so closed off from everyone that to him, he's actually being too open with Eak! He's told Eak things about himself he's never told anyone else ever!! Meanwhile, Eak has two best friends that know basically everything about his life, so he notices really easily how often Owynn will want to avoid certain subjects, or evade difficult conversations, or bottle up his feelings- and it kind of pisses him off that Owynn is so insistent on pursuing him but still keeps him at arms length. It's very much like, dude, if you're so afraid of being vulnerable around me why are you even dating me!!!

It's kind of why I've always imagined eakwynn as the sort of ship where they break up and then later get back together, or they only last if they start dating later on rather than during the show or directly after it- I think Owynn is the type of guy who needs some time to mature and grow by himself before he can be a good partner. Get a job, experience more in life, make some friends hopefully. Eak is a patient guy, but he's not trusting enough to lower his defenses if he thinks Owynn isn't going to do the same for him, and he doesn't have enough emotional intelligence to make up for Owynn's utter lack of one. So better for him to wait until Owynn is at least somewhat capable of communicating to work on things lol. But they do work on things eventually!

But uhhhh yeah they're very good on the physical side, very not good on the verbal side 👍🏻

[leupagus]

Live Gus Reacts! After a nap

So this one isn't going to be long because my carpal tunnel is acting up, but I loved this episode. Yes, there were some after-school-special elements, but I think Chuck Hayward knocked it out of the park, especially considering this was his only screenplay for this show (of course, he's won Emmys for Wandavision and is about to run his own show so dude knows what he's about). It felt much more interwoven than last week's, and certainly flowed a lot better.

I'm hilarified that Edyta Budnik's Polish background was used for Jade's character, similar to how most of the Richmond players' actual backgrounds are used on the show (and why I had her reading a book in Polish in the WifeGuy fic I'm writing). I will say that Rupert, specifically, clocking that was an interesting moment because there is a very real (and ugly) history of prejudice against Polish immigrants in England; Rupert was not being charming there, by any means. The whole interaction with Rupert and Nate in this episode was really fascinating, because Rupert's clearly alarmed at the fact that Nate is getting outside support — he was so effective at cutting Nate completely off from everyone at Richmond, but here Nate is, building his own network here (Roger's invitation suggests to me that this isn't the first time Nate's been out with the West Ham staff/team after a game). And for Rupert, that's unacceptable — Nate's become as much a "possession" to him as Rebecca once was, so he's going to try his best to keep Nate isolated. Unfortunately for him, Nate is still The Great and is learning to balance his newfound pride with his enduring kindness. So however that shakes out will be fun to watch, I think. (All the fingers crossed that it ends with Rupert getting struck by lightning, because really how could you improve on mardia's masterpiece.)

One thing I hate about this storyline, though, is that Nick Mohammed is still having to field abuse from racist fans who think he hasn't "atoned" enough to be allowed happiness or character growth; I love seeing more of Nate, but not at the expense of Mohammed having to deal with this bullshit.

Re: the Colin storyline, I can't really say whether or not it was handled well or poorly, because my personal reaction to it has overwritten that kind of objective analysis. I've read a few reactions, which run the gamut, and I can see how those scenes may have left people disappointed/elated/angry/satisfied. For me, knowing that this episode was written by a Black man my age, from my mom's alma mater (and uhhhh glad to see they changed the mascot from when she went there) and that he and Dylan Marron were the two writers "in charge" of Colin's storyline does make me more inclined to see the choices — Ted's ridiculous Denver Broncos analogy, Isaac's lashing out and somewhat remedial "how does gay work" questions — as deliberate explorations of how straight men can and do react to finding out their friend is gay: not perfectly or even well, but borne out of love and respect and desire to protect. I was very grateful that the entire team immediately accepted Colin, because the last thing I wanted in that moment was "realism." Ditto with Colin's playing improving in the second half of the game, now that his two lives are (at least partially) connected; that's likely not what would happen IRL but I didn't care, even a little bit.

I'll admit I VERY much dig Rebecca as Tough Mom character this season; she's been doling out some extremely good advice to people, and it's delightful to me. Yes, she's a main character who's not getting enough to do, but like Ted I think the show still works when she's not in the spotlight, and when she gets to be the one offering support rather than needing it. And I adore her and Roy's weird-ass relationship, it's just incredible to get these glimpses into how they see each other.

Other than that: Sam giving Jamie the middle finger AND a beautiful smile was amazing, Jamie being pleased to be clocked as queer was interesting, the Higgins And Rebecca Buddies Fun Time is still great, and I want every one of Trent Crimm's t-shirts. And a clementine.

[shinyeonhwa]

hi barbies, kens, allans and midges! my name is rei and i’m so excited to be here! this here is my baby yeonhwa, a 25-year old actress and personality who models on the side. down below is some details about her, but her pinned has the majority of her info! please give this a like if you’d like to plot! i also have d*scord: misamosupremacy .  

cw: mentions of infidelity

she’s the only child to her parents, but had a million cousins running around. was very much so regarded as ‘the pretty one’ of the family as so had very few expectations set for her.

her parents absolutely fucking despise each other. she can literally not remember one day of her entire life when they have not had a shouting match.

she’s very much a daddy’s girl. does not get along with her mother at all.

has literally gone her entire life with everyone being like “wow so pretty” and assuming she had absolutely 0 brain.

imagine the shock when she got into seoul national university. who is the dumb bitch now?

still her as she falls in love with some dude who cheats on her just as they are about to get engaged.

so here is yeonhwa, fresh out of uni, no man, no job and along comes a scout for everlast entertainment. she figures she has absolutely nothing else going for her so away she goes.

acting had never been something she was interested in, but she liked movies and tv so eh why not? she's also extremely naturally good at it.

first tv show she does is okay, and whilst she’s good, she’s not the most memorable. 

it goes like that for a while until she gets thrown into a netflix dating show. she hates every second of it. 

she gets that song jia/shin seulki edit tho so it isn’t all bad.

talking to most of the male contestants is like that one scene from madagascar 2 when gloria ask moto moto likes about her and he’s like “uhhhh... you huge” but her face.

then she meets her guy and ooft, falls hard.

comes out of the show with a boyfriend and a fanbase. but! trouble is on the horizon.

she’s extremely emotionally constipated. will not say i love you to anyone, not even her dad. gets very cagey and feels overwhelmed and switches off. this + relationship = bad news. 

they break up, she’s heartbroken. alexa play haunted by taylor swift on repeat for the next 12 hours at volume 18. 

just a bit of A Mess atm!

plot ideas:

the usual ones: friends, flings, exs, enemies.

yeonhwa is a party girl. someone come out clubbing with her and she’ll let you crash on her sofa!

childhood friends/admirers. yeonhwa was always popular growing up.

idk my brain has shutdown but i’m open for brainstorming!

[sadisthetic]

Dude your Jaya hanahakai au is everything. If you're not gonna write that uhhhh can I???? 'Cause it's so creative and intricate. Utter genius bro

Also I really love the unrequited/stay friends ending and the requieted ending. They're both just so good and so well thought out (i also dont want jay to die lmao). Also YES!!! GIVING NYA AGENCY!! You put so much consideration into her feelings and it's making me bark like a feral little dog. Like the worst thing about skybound is how it treats Nya as a character and I just shhdjdjd. This is driving me insane. Ninjago's writing makes me ill but yours has me on my knees.

THANK YOU.............. DRAMATICALLY FALLS TO MY HANDS AND KNEES..... SWEET FEEDBACK AND BOOST TO MY EGO.... i was insane while writing that entire au too.

ALSO ITS FUNNY... I WROTE SO MUCH ABOUT NYAS FEELINGS IN THIS AU BECAUSE IT WAS ENTIRELY NECESSARY. LIKE. I HAD TO. especially for requited end. i knew when i got to that point in the story where i had to address i knew it in my heart that this was like. the most important part. nyas feelings are so important in this au.... and i knew without proper explanation/justification of nyas feelings of why she falls in love with jay again the au Simply Would Not Work. all that consideration is me doing the intense relationship math (math? i dunno. its a process of some sort.) TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MAKE THEM WORK. because if anything. jaya should is a relationship that requires work. not effortless in the slightest.

i love jaya. its technically a terrible romance. fucking absolutely wretched and tormented by obligatory heterosexual writing. it only exists because straight writers Have to write het tax into their shows for some goddamn reason. but also. its the ship of all time. its because im delusional and have thought about it so much and put so much thought into how their relationship should BE and also wrote so much meta and shit to fill in the massive gaps in their relationship that canon doesnt address or skips over. YOU SEE JAYA IS ACTUALLY SO FUCKING INTERESTING AS A RELATIONSHIP. ITS SO INTERESTING BECAUSE ITS A FUCKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY ACTUALLY HAVE VERY LITTLE CHEMISTRY AS COUPLE. AND YET AND YET AND YET. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. THEY GET TOGETHER ON SUPERFICIAL TERMS. THEY BREAK UP. THEY GET TOGETHER AGAIN. BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. in my eyes they arent a perfect match for each other. actually. thats literally canon. jay isnt nyas perfect match (god i think about s3 so fucking much i hate it) but they love each other anyways and end up together in the end despite the things theyve gone through. i think theres something real about that. love that is mismatched and tried but they Work through it anyways. thats romance baby. theres something very romantic about love that takes effort (is the guy who is putting all the effort into the ship) (very delusional) (but very self aware about it)

jaya is like. a brain teaser. its like a fun puzzle for my brain to solve (fix) because its such a travesty in canon. the gordians knot of ninjago ships. i love thinking about it so much. i thought about it so much ive tricked myself into becoming a massive shipper who screams whenever they do something cute together

oh fuck im sorry i forgot to answer your question bc i got so fucking heated about jaya. its because im insane about them. it just happened. fuck. jaya............................ i love divorce...... anyways

YES you can write my au. because i certainly dont have the stamina to do it myself. i would like if you credited me for the idea tho if youre gonna use my plot beats. but otherwise? Feel Free. go nuts. i love fanfiction. i always think of my stories as fanfic anyways and man i sure do wish i could read my own au as a fic. but i lack the capacity to write this beast of an au in full. so like. someone else might as well. if you do. have fun

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Fanfic WIP word any or all? (Not gonna lie, doubt I would find comfort in any of mine).

comfort

bed

suck

some of these are from fics that are ANCIENT or that people don't even know exist, hahaha

all i have is "comforting"/comfortable, so let's see:

“Shut the door before you say anything like that again,��� José says.  “And lock the fucking thing, would you?”

José waits for the comforting sound of the lock before he speaks again. (from my poor mourinho/granit WIP that i'd love to finish but maybe never will)

-

Geri wakes up in the middle of the night thirsty.  He goes and grabs a glass of water from this new kitchen and shuffles back to bed.  He’s still mostly-asleep but even in this state there’s something just a little bit uncomfortable in the room.  It’s not a mystery what it is, not to him.  It’s him getting used to new breathing. (my infamous shakira/sergio serard revenge pegging fic)

-

He and Mladen always wind up sharing a room when they have an away game. “Look at this shit,” they like to joke. “Sticking all the Balkan guys together.” But really, it’s nice to have a friend with the same background playing for Basel with him. They feel extra comfortable together. Maybe that’s why Mladen’s always fucking with him on the bus, asking him to rub his legs. (from my uhhhh...ivan rakitić coming of age fic shall we call it)

bed:

Granit had thought Milot was asleep.  He’d seemed asleep and the clock on Erdin’s cable box says 3:30 AM.  But he’s suddenly sitting up on the mattress and cracking his knuckles, and then reaching behind him to pull on the sweaty t-shirt of Granit’s that he wears to bed when Granit wants him to, and then—Granit holds his breath because now his sweet little boyfriend is reaching under his pillow and grabbing his gun.  The mattress lurches as he gets up, and Granit’s stomach lurches with it. (a flashback chapter of dangerous AU, where we see when granit start to get the xhaka fam properly established in london)

-

The bedroom is big and the bed bigger. If John were here Frank would make some joke about how many women he could fit in it, and John, good friend that he was, would be gracious enough to tell him just save some for me while I'm out getting the drinks, Lamps! (10022)

-

Footballers talk a whole lot, he thinks, flopping down on his new couch in his new home in his new-old city.  They say a lot about how early they have to go to bed.  And it’s all bullshit no matter who’s saying it.  Like Luka.  Luka’s nocturnal—Dejan knows this well from how many times he offers to send Luka photos of his dick in the dead of night.  Like Domo—from how many times he offers the same to Dejan at some hour when only the devil is awake.  And—

Just after 1am in Lyon.  Just after midnight in Liverpool. (new movren based on that article/interview from the spring)

-

“Hey, Granit can go off and be some English dude’s little sugar baby,” Nedim laughs.  “A little fish and chips, a little dick sucking, then we’ll have an extra bed.” (dangerous AU flashback 2--xhakas and their friends realize they need to move abroad)

-

“The way I need someone to touch me,” Granit continues, his voice soft but strong.  “They say prison changes a man, and for me, I am strong, it is not hard here.  But it is changing me too, you know? I need to be touched.”

“I understand,” Leandro whispers.  “When I rest in my coffin, it isn’t the same as sharing my bed with my partners.”  He doesn’t think he should name Kieran.  As far as he knows, Granit doesn’t know who Kieran is, and his instinct tells him to keep it that way. (arsenal crime au + some of them are supernatural....leo is a vampire sniper...granit is as always Human and yet somehow the most terrifying of all)

-

“That means this is over between us,” Pep says.  “You want that?”

“Yeah.”

“You want to go back to your old life?  You would prefer unhealthy anonymous sex to a relationship with me?”

“Uh-huh.  Yeah.  I would.  At least I am in control then.  You want to control every part of me.  And I can’t live like that.  So I’m done.  Fuck you.”

And he climbed out of bed and got dressed.

“Mikel.  Mikel!”  Pep was still sitting there in his boxers looking more confused than anything else, as though he would never imagine someone would have the audacity to break up with him.  “My little angry boy, I’m not surprised to see you acting so stubborn. I’m sure you’ll regret it.  I’ll forgive—” (dangerous AU: mikel's memory of toxic bf pep--except the wink wink nudge nudge here is mikel is a SERIAL KILLER and yet pep is the "toxic ex" shit like this is my fav part of dangerous AU)

-

They step off the elevator and into the hallway, the hum of air-conditioning and the smell of hotel cleaning products all over the world the only thing around.  And sure, this is Luka and not Šime or Mo, and this is Qatar, but this is Luka and they’re old and there’s no Šime or Mo so he flops down on a couch in the lounge area outside the elevators because he just can’t go back to his cold, empty room.  A World Cup without someone to share a bed with is…it’s torture.  It’s wrong. (world cup sad modren)

-

Ivan thinks back to fooling around with Mladen. They never got past groping each other, some clothes still on, always in the dark, always returning to their own beds after. (rakidrić vanja and luka are bank robbers AU)

-

Showing Granit his childhood bedroom is strange.  It is relatively unchanged from when he was a kid, though thankfully his parents had gotten rid of the medical equipment that used to be in there.  Granit looks around at the fading posters—Cruyff, Arsenal, Tears for Fears, Stone Roses—and then sits down on the thin plaid blanket.

“It is a small bed,” he says to Mikel, stretching out on it.  “For a small guy, I guess.  Come here.”  He pats the space next to him and undoes his pants.  “Suck me off.”

“Not with my mom waiting for us out there,” Mikel says.  “That’s weird.”

“Well.  I guess I can’t force you in your parents’ apartment…That’s not respectful.”  Granit zips his pants back up.  Mikel is somewhat surprised Granit even knows the concept of respectful. “We are really sleeping in here?” (dangerous AU: mikel brings his boyfriend to his parents' in san sebastian for christmas and his parents don't like his vibe chapter)

ok there's probably more but i'll cut myself off there lol.

suck:

Lying in an empty bed at a World Cup.  He’s not used to it.  Every night it’s been worse.  

Tonight his skin is on fire.  There is so much in his mind he can’t even pin one thought down.  It’s like a whirlpool that he’s clinging to the edge of, trying not to get sucked in—trying with strong muscles that feel almost too tired to be strong— (world cup sad modren)

-

He scrolls scrolls scrolls scrolls scrolls.  Only one person could make that kit look good.  No offense to your club brate…That person is YOU by the way…He scrolls some more.  Amazing save holy shit, 10.0 on sofascore…SUCK MY DICK BENZEMA SON OF A FUCKING BITCH…a bunch of selfies that he’ll go back and save later…That Modrić guy’s alright I guess, he looks familiar do we know him from somewhere?…Brate I am getting tears in my eyes watching you…ljubavi…Thank God you got the surgery done, thank God you’re back…Modrić is alright I guess he could be the next Vrsaljko…Watching you play is like watching an artist paint.  I’m crying brate…But I’m strong 💪💪 (ancient luka/šime i was working on during the like april 2020 stage of the pandemic)

-

Granit nods.  “Smart little thing.  I was late to see you today, right?  I was getting my dick sucked in the shower stall.”  Leandro flushes.  “The wardens know better than to rush me.  It was good, but it was nothing.  When I felt my Mikel against me, in here, with all his clothes on, it was more than any of the mouths in this place could ever give me.” (the same arsenal criminals AU)

-

This almost never happens.  Granit has a certain sort of old-fashioned masculinity, as Mikel thinks of it.  It doesn’t come up too often, but it does for things like this.  Granit is not one to suck a man off.  “No wayyyyy,  Mister, nice try. That’s for you to do to me, right?” That sort of thing. (the abandoned 'arsenal has a locker room orgy after man utd spring 2022 game' fic)

i'll stop here otherwise it's just a lot of bad smut hahahah

[shadow-logan]

100 OC Questions - Answered

questions are c/o the-moon-dust-writings! bulleted responses are Shadow's and responses without a bullet are mine.

i've got his backstory up, but here's some quick context:

he's a reborn (looks like a teal-haired anime wolf boy)

he's been alive for 1 year in-game

26 y/o body

arcane trickster/bladesinger

he's a Harper, but is still trying to navigate his relationship with the Zhentarim

How do they present themselves to others?

like, disguised? Not disguised? What do they mean?

I think they mean just… What you're like when you first meet someone.

uh… Myself, usually

You're pretty standoffish. You like talking with people, but most people scare you.

this is true. I'm always searching for what makes them tick or what they're hiding.

2. Do they like animals?

YES

but they also confuse you.

yes

Care to explain?

animals don't make sense to me. Why can't they transform like Lily? Why do they choose those forms? And permanently?

… That's not how it works, but I see your point.

3. How do they dress?

clothes. Next question

Oh my god, Shadow. You dress in whatever's comfortable and available

bonus points if it's black

4. How many languages do they know?

does Thieves’ Cant count?

Sure

then… Technically…. Four, I guess. Common, Elvish, Thieves’ Cant, and a bit of Giant.

5. How big is their family?

… You answer this one. I don't wanna.

You consider Lily, Caim and Blaze family. Newer members to your family are Krowen, Vidar and your Tressym! Your winged snake familiar is special to you, too.

yeah. Just sucks that the Zhents still consider me family, but I'm starting to see that as… Not that.

I won't push you closer or away from them. I just want you to be happy and safe.

sigh yeah. Family sucks sometimes.

6. What is their purpose in the story?

my friends and I are adventuring together to root out the cause of the Giants’ behaviour. I'm also on a quest for ALL of the knowledge!

7. Do they know how to fight?

Several styles, actually!

yeah!! I've been developing my own sword scales!! And my magic is slowly growing more powerful. It's scary, but really cool, too!!

8. What is their back story?

Both: gesture to 40 pages of backstory "that"

9. Why is their name, their name?

I can't remember if I was like, "ah, shit!! I need a name!! Uhhhh…" Or if I was like, "you're gonna be 'Shadow' because it's edgy hehe"

either way, it works!! I'm a shadow of past lives and I'm starting to live my own life. I've taken on Logan's name, too, since it came to me when Jamna first asked for my name. I like the ring of Shadow-Logan.

7. Do they have any nick names?

not really? I guess Shart might be a nickname

Please don't give your friends that kind of power

8. Do they have a romantic interest?

Xavlith

9. How do they cope with struggles?

you don't.

wrong. I sit on rooftops and write to Selûne. She likes me, but I know she can't solve all of my problems for me. Even so, I like writing to her.

fair point. it works pretty well for you.

oh, i also rage and sign blood pacts, apparently

there it is.

10. Do they have anyone they can lean on?

Blaze is cool, but I've known Caim and Lily for longer. Caim's also saved my life a few times, so he's become a brother to me. I'm gonna go with Caim and Lily.

11. How do they react to someone dying?

depends on who it is. Myself? Been through it at least once, could probably handle it again. Friend? Not well. Enemies? Spits.

12. Can you name 5 personality traits they have?

i don't know, can you?

shut up lol. sigh. you're... determined, analytical, curious, adaptable and loyal.

interesting wait of saying "stubborn little shit who doesn't take 'no' for an answer", heh

oh my god, shut up. you're a cool dude, but you really don't let your guard down, ever. you'll stop at nothing on the pursuit of knowledge

you're not wrong

13. How did they become a character?

you needed a DND character. apparently i was a halfli--

*grabs his lips* YOU WERE ALWAYS A REBORN ANIME WOLF BOI. NEVER A HALFLING. NEVER A SHIFTER. UNEARTHED ARCANA??? NEVER HEARD OF IT.

14. Do they get along with others?

you try

not always successfully

you're getting better, though

... i appreciate it. it's hard being nice when you don't know a person's true motives

15. What flaws do they have?

both: "a lot"

oh, i'm fucking flawed. i'm angry, resentful and manipulative

to be fair, while not objectively great traits, they've helped you with certain dealings

16. How do they influence the story?

neither of us know how you truly influence the story

yeah, i guess we're kinda just vibing and seeing where the timeline takes us

17. What do they look like?

i'll post some art soon enough!

18. What are their hobbies?

writing, reading, doodling. also people-watching.

19. What are their ticks?

people tAKING TOO LONG TO SPEAK. STOP TALKING SO SLOWLY. JUST SPIT IT OUT, ALREADY, GODSDAMMIT.

20. Do they like children?

remember Kyla? the one with 2 moms? back in Silverymoon? she was cool. pretty sure she wasn't freaked out by me and was just curious. other than her? kids kinda just confuse me. why are they so small???

you're a unique case, Shadow. you rose from the dead. that's not the average person's experience.

but still... *visible consternation*

21. How do they react to being around wild animals?

i'm used to Lily--our Sea Elf Druid--being in Wildshape, so wild animals don't really freak me out. I like seeing and learning about them.

22. If they were given the task to prank someone, who would it be, what would they do, and would the prank work?

pretty sure you've pranked Caim before.

yeah, i just don't remember how... anyway, i'd probably prank Caim or Blaze. i wouldn't do anything malicious, just... uh... swap their salt and sugar or something. depends on where we're staying and what i have access to, y'know?

23. Do they have any survival skills?

i can pitch a tent?

you're kinda lucky you don't need to eat, sleep or breathe. you just find places to hide and hope for the best.

basically

24. Are they more book smart or street smart?

surprisingly, both!

yeah, i guess i'm more street smart, but only because i've basically lived on the streets. i haven't had as much time as i'd like to read.

25. How do they get out of a difficult situation?

with my daggers

sweet heavens, boy.

okay, fine... mage hand.

what?

i don't know. i just usually try to talk my way out of shit. or pull out my tressym if things get awkward. i makes for a wonderful scapegoat---er, scape-tressym--and distraction

26. Do they use their body, mind, personality or force to get what they want?

my personality sucks, so it's usually up to my mind to get what i want.

this is true. however, you've used your body before.

mhmm. not too proud of that

27. What music do they enjoy?

i blame you, but pop-punk

i will accept full responsibility for this

and the just over 600 songs on the playlist you've curated for me?

with pride

MORE Q'S BELOW! I'LL GET TO THEM (AND RENUMBERING THEM) LATER LOL

28. How do they overcome obstacles?

29. When faced with a difficult decision do they get stronger or break?

30. Do they have any special powers?

31. How do they change throughout the story?

32. Do they have any friends? If so, are they close knit?

36. How is their family life?

37. Are they likable?

38. Are they the hero, or anti-hero?

39. Do they make questionable choices?

40. How do they become who they are?

41. How was their childhood?

42. Are they close with anyone who is going to screw them over?

43.How do they adapt to different situations? Do they adapt at all?

44. How do they speak? Examples - Are they soft spoken, hot heated, vulgar

45. Are they opposed to violence?

46. When is their birthday?

47. Are they quick to judge?

48. Do they have anything they are trying to hide from others?

49. Do they act different around different people?

50. Do they enjoy the arts?

51. Do they like science?

52. Are they more emotional or logical?

53. How do they deal with their emotions?

54. How do they cope with sadness?

55. What is something they care about?

56. Would they die for anyone/anything?

57. What do they do when they are happy?

58. How would they come across to other characters? Examples- messy, lazy, childish, caring etc.

59. Do they have a phrase they use over and over?

60. In a crowed room are they in the corners, sides, or in the middle?

61. Are they comfortable being in a crowed room?

62. How do they relax?

63. Have they ever harmed anyone and regretted it? Verbally or physically?

64. Do they like to dance?

65. How do they get around their environment? Examples - horses, bike, vehicle

66. What is their pet peeve(s)?

67. Do they have a disability?

68. How do they react to getting flowers?

69. Would they ever wear a flower crown?

70. Do they like themselves?

71. Who do they dislike?

72. What is their motto?

73. Do they have any markings on their body?

74. Have they ever been abused?

75. What is their biggest fear?

76. What are their goals?

77. How do they go about achieving their goals?

78. Do they have a fight or flight response?

79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves?

80. How would they fare in zombie apocalypse?

81. Do they have any tattoos? If so, are they significant?

82. Are they good at mental math?

83. Do they get along with others?

84. Are they lazy?

85. Are they self motivated?

86. How do they cope with anger?

87. Have they ever been in a situation where they were helpless?

88. Are they organized or messy?

89. Can they remember a lot of information at once?

90. What is their occupation?

91. Do other characters respect your OC, if so, is it out of fear? Or do they respect your OC because they like them?

92. If they were given minutes to live, what would they do? Who would they want to see and say?

93. How do they deal with stress?

94. Do they have a more submissive or dominate personality type?

95. Do they have a pet?

96. Do they have a stash of weapons?

97. Where do they live? Who do they live with?

98. How do they calm themselves down?

99. Are they co-dependent?

100. Are they a day, or night person?

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #152

boyfriend survey

What’s his first name? Donald Jr., but I've only ever known him as Girt.

Does his surname begin with the same letter as yours? No.

How old is he? 29 and thinks he's basically 60 lol dude you are still in the youth of your life

How long have you been together? A year and eight months.

Do you have a casual or serious relationship? Serious.

How often do you see each other? At least once a week, sometimes maybe one more day. In very rare cases it's gotten past a week, and then I'm just miserable lol

Do you live together? Not yet.

Do you have keys to each other’s places? I know I don't, and I don't think Girt does either, but maybe Mom's given him one at some point.

When was the last time you saw him? Uh it's been like... around five days?

What is the age gap between you? Is he older or younger than you? Two or three years, I can't math, like he's gonna be 30 before I turn 28, but right NOW he's two years older.

Have you met his parents? His mom, yes, his dad died before I ever met his family.

Has he met your parents? Yes.

How many siblings does he have? One sister.

Have you met his siblings? Yes, she's fantastic.

Has he met your siblings? Ashley and Nicole, definitely, and I feeeeel like he's actually met Katie once at Nicole's birthday party many many years ago? I know he hasn't met Bobby, and I'm quite sure not Misty either.

What’s his name in your phone? "Girt <3"

Have you talked about marriage? Yeah, it's not an uncomfortable topic for us, we're both very open about being in this for the long run, especially with just how long we've been friends, though being a couple is obviously different.

Does he have any kids? No.

Does he want kids? I don't think so, but since hearing him say he didn't early in our relationship, he's since said "every guy wants a daughter" when talking casually about kids and that he'd prefer one over a son, but I don't know exactly how he meant that, like how relevant it was to his own, actual life.

Do you see a future with him? Yeah.

Are you “Facebook official”? lol not technically, it's stuck on "pending" because he's never been one to pay attention to Facebook at all, dude barely even knows how things work on there, so he missed the notification to verify it at some point, but thankfully it doesn't bother me, he puts no effort into hiding we're together at all, and that's what matters.

How did you meet him? High school band.

Where did you go for your first date? It was actually bowling, the first time we tried dating, but during our current and much more "real" relationship, it was uhhhh... wow I'm not sure I remember.

Who was the first one to make a move? Originally, him; he asked me out the first time, but I asked him out this go, but I only had the guts to because I was pretty confident he felt the same still, lol.

Have you spoken to him today? On Discord, yes; we do that every day. I haven't verbally spoken to him.

What’s his favorite pizza topping? With our history I'm actually amazed I'm not positive on this haha, I wanna just say pepperoni though?

Does he cook? He knows how to cook two things and that's it, lol. Still better than me.

What sort of phone does he have? Some sort of good quality Android, idk the details.

What size is his bed? I literally still haven't seen his room lmfao, I'm not sure.

Does he like to be big spoon or little spoon when you cuddle? Big spoon, but there are definitely times in bed when he faces away I'm cuddling against him, he finds it hard to fall asleep facing/cuddling me.

Is he a good kisser? Yeah.

Does he make you happy? He absolutely does, more than anyone else is able to.

What’s his fashion style? Comfort haha, regular pants and t-shirts, particularly Saikou brand stuff.

Does he drive? If so, what sort of car? Yes, but I forget what it is. It's black.

Has he ever bought you an item of clothing? Haha he's wanted to before actually but I was too reluctant to share my shirt size, regardless of how stupid that is.

Does he have any piercings? No.

Is he more fun or serious? Fun.

What does he do for a living? He's worked at a big tire factory for like, nine years.

When is the next time you’ll see him? Probably within the next few days.

What’s his favorite thing to drink? Water, this man can destroy water.

Does he live alone, with roommates or with parents? Well it's technically her living with him, but his mom. Actually one of his best friends does too because of familial problems.

Does he have any pets? Yeah, he has a super sweet pit/shepherd mix named Charlie.

Is he your first boyfriend? No.

What was the last movie you watched with him? Wow I have no idea, we don't watch movies much, which is fine with me because I have a hard time getting through movies anyway.

Is he an active person? Well his job is physical and he has long shifts so kinda, but he doesn't do much outside of work.

What’s his favorite candy? Good question, he doesn't let himself have candy a lot at all. I do know he loves Sour Patch, though.

Have you ever met his best friend? Yes.

What’s your favorite physical quality of his? He has an adorable smile, and I like his arms/shoulders.

What color is his hair? Black but graying early and he haaates it.

Do you argue with him often? No, that's really rare for us.

Where was the last place you went with him? Red Robin for Mother's Day.

What color is his toothbrush? Don't know actually.

What kind of movies does he like to watch? Also a good question, but I can tell you he's not a horror fan.

Have you celebrated either of your birthdays together? Yeah.

Does he play any instruments? He was the guy who played tuba in band, and briefly the trombone before I started high school, but I'm doubtful he remembers anything by now.

Do you have any mutual friends? Yes.

How often do you talk to him on the phone? Basically never, I've learned that there have been times he's wanted to call me just to talk but doesn't just because he knows I hate talking on the phone haha, like dude you're an exception.

Does he have a beard or is he clean-shaven? He never has a full beard, genetically he doesn't get a lot of facial hair, but sometimes he has a little bit but generally stays shaved.

What was the last compliment he gave you? I'm not sure, even though he gives 'em quite a bit. We call each other cute a whole lot, so there's a good chance it was that, haha.

Does he dance? No, he's told me he can't and bitch same

Is he taller or shorter than you? He's quite a lot taller.

Has he ever bought you flowers? Twice now. :'D

Do you ever borrow his clothes? No, I doubt his shirts would even fit me; I weigh a lot more than him, although with how tall and broad he is, some shirts might but I kinda don't wanna try and find out they don't lol

Is he a clean or messy person? He knows he's messy and it's the reason I haven't seen his room yet lol, he doesn't believe me when I say I don't care.

What color are his eyes? Brown.

What does he wear to bed? Pj pants and a normal shirt or sometimes no shirt, he'll sometimes change into new work clothes the night before and just sleep in them so he can have more time asleep lol, extremely rarely nothing.

Does he keep his fingernails clean? Reasonably, but I mean he works in a tire factory with the tires so they're not like pristine.

Have you ever shared a shower with him? No, I don't want to share a shower with anyone.

How long after your first date did you see him again? I don't remember, but I'm sure it wasn't that long.

What’s his bedroom like? As mentioned earlier, I actually don't know.

Has he ever had braces? Uhhh I don't think so? I know he hasn't while I've known him.

When was the last time you kissed him? The last time he was here, a few nights ago.

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day with him? Yes.

How long were you together before you said “I love you”? We never did the first time we tried dating years ago, which was around four months, and I can't quite remember how long it was until I said it and he said it back. It was definitely a few months, though.

What sort of shoes does he usually wear? Sneakers of some sort, I don't pay attention to exactly what they are.

Do you know any of his exes? No.

What’s his favourite cuisine? I'm not certain, but I know he likes Mexican quite a bit.

Was he born in the country he now lives in? Yes.

Have you ever been long-distance with him? No.

Does he ever wear any type of jewelry? No.

What was the first present you got for him? I'm not certain, it really might have been the Vitamin Me thing I got for our first anniversary, because I absolutely couldn't NOT get him something so I sucked it up and asked my mom, I'm still the one that made all the little notes, what really made up the gift.

What was the first present he got for you? ugh this is much harder, he's actually gotten a lot, apparently gifts are one of the stronger love languages from him. I want to say it was a Carbuncle from Final Fantasy plush, the first time we dated; I saw a picture of one and freaked out over how cute it was and then he fuckin showed up with it lmao, I still want to get him out of the bags with my other stuffed animals to keep out.

Does he smoke? No.

What TV shows is he watching at the moment? I don't think he's actively watching anything at home; it's usually us watching stuff together, and we've yet to start a new show since we just finished one.

Have you ever visited him at work? Yes, there was one day I brought him lunch.

Does he play video games? Oh yes, that's his "thing," he loves games.

What was the last thing you argued about? Well it wasn't really an argument since he agreed with me immediately, but he made a bad joke that just shouldn't have been made and it upset me.

Is he straight? Yes.

When is his birthday? I don't feel right sharing that on here.

Have you ever shared a bath with him? No.

Does he ride a motorcycle? No.

How long is his hair? Not very long, but it's not suuuuper short either. He has really thick hair like me and it's also curly, so while it doesn't actually like hang down his neck, there's a good deal of it.

Have you ever been overseas with him? No.

Does he have any tattoos? If so, which one is your favorite? Not yet, but he wants some. I know he'd like a big one on his back and he likes the idea of having a sleeve.

What is his favorite alcoholic beverage? He's never drunk and isn't interested.

Does he speak any languages other than English? He took quite a bit of Spanish in school and remembers some of it, but he's definitely not fluent.

Is he college/university educated? Mostly, yes, but he dropped out during his last semester because of his dad's death, it became way too much. He wants to go back eventually.

How long have you known him? Over a decade, I don't know the exact years by this point.

Does he text back quickly? If he's not at work, generally, yes, he messages back quickly. Off work though he will occasionally get distracted and forget to reply, he's one of those people that can read a message and then forget to message back by the time he can, but it doesn't happen a bothersome amount.

Have you ever celebrated Christmas with him? Not Christmas day, we spend it with our own immediate families.

Has he ever been in a physical fight? He's either been in one when younger or none at all, I can't remember which. I know he hit another guy once as a child because he wasn't leaving him alone, but I feel like he may have mentioned fighting with a guy once? I don't remember.

Did you go to the same high school as him? Yes, that's where we met.

[euphoricfilter]

12, 13, 15, 17, 23

-🖤

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

i don't think so, i'm pretty stubborn so if i know i don't like a trope that much then i probably won't read it.

you didn't ask but tropes i really don't like: pregnancy aus, i hate kids and literally the idea of being pregnant makes me wanna hurl, there's only one series i've read that i didnt mind was a pregnancy au.

i literally hate when guys in books, this isnt fics, but when guys in books are the worst human beings ever, like i see this shit where the woman is on bc and then when they tell the dude he's like where is it and then implies he's gonna pull it out her vagina, i hate that so much. i also hate college aus on wattpad because some of them are written by like 15 year olds who don't understand how higher-education works and write it like it's high-school and it's so unrealistic and i'm pretty sure people in their twenties don't act like that

honorable mention to the grandma's cum-flooded garden post i saw one time, like i like fairy porn but even for me i had to sit back and stop because girl what the hell was that

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

most enemies to lovers, if it's written well then it's fine but when people write this hella cringey, super embarrassing e2l i want to off myself, especially if the story is male x female where the girl does some stupid embarrassing, borderline bitchy things, i can never finish those books. that's probably it though

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

demon jungkook au because i gave him four arms and big dick which he hasnt used yet, but will at some point in possibly the near future

i quite liked friends to lovers, it's a fun progression to write about but i also love love love established relationship aus because i can fool myself into thinking at love is super cool and that when i do finally date it's gonna be the best (it probably not)

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

non-sexual dom, that spoils you (not necessarily with material things but you get whatever you want from them), that takes care of you all the time and makes decisions for me so i wouldn't have to overthink my entire existence that would feed me fruit and cake and think i'm pretty and call me pretty and be absolutely obsessed with me and no one else, who also puts their fingers in my mouth and indulges me in watching all the things i like and that if they slept on my bed they have to accept the questionable amount of pillows and teddies i have

something like that (spoiler: it's actually just what i want from a relationship)

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

grumpy x sunshine, literally the most supreme trope

i'd also want to try a mystery au where readers have to figure stuff out as the story progresses, idk if i'm mega sexy big brained enough for that though

sugar daddy au? might be fun. uhhhh i'm open to most things except angst is definitely one of my weaker points so nothing too angst based

[zacki0gaming]

"Iris used to be so cool. what happened. why is he an asshole now what happened to his swag. WHO TOOK IRIS AND REPLACED HIM WITH THIS DICKHEAD"

I wasn't never fondly liking on Iris ever since I met him because I knew there was something off about him... It was probably he has mostly bad character writing in my opinion, especially when it comes to not having a good and consistent personality. I generally hate his fucking overall personality in this series so far... Like this fucking grape shit dude…. *drinks my 5th sprite cold drink and slams it onto my computer desk aggressively*

Episode 2 never REALLY explained why Iris was acting so sad in while looking at the photo between him and Orange, that was presumably taken once Iris got him from 3rd Tree of Life Anniversary.

Thirdly, I get that Iris has excellent teamwork with Cube, but HOLY SHIT DUDE...!!! His relationship with Cube honestly insufferable to watch because of how Iris treats him.

And finally, Iris... your sense of humor to employ feign hostility and dark humor is so universally unappreciated and pathetic by everyone around you, that you can’t even have not one single shape enjoy your occasionally joking around nonsense. So quit being fucking funny because YOUR NOT, ESPECIALLY EVERYONE AROUND YOU!!!

So tell me Iris, what is the point of you trying to make others laugh here??? Your not funny AT ALL!!! Your just simply coming across as an bit of an annoyance to me because it doesn’t serve any meaningful comedic function.

===============================================

"in episode one how the fuck did Cyan not know about Dub until Heli. H-E-L-I came screaming outside. and also why did he have to have the corruption explained to him tf-"

Well, maybe it's because since the very beginning of Season 1, they were instances where Cyan is just blurting out sudden knowledge on certain topics inexplicably that not even the other characters, especially his caretaker doesn’t seemed to be bothered by it. Such as how in the fuck does he know about the Sealing Technique, his bond with his caretaker being connected, and him being aware of the other Caretakers and Heroes through Season 1, Episodes 1-2. When did this come from???

==============================================

"im a little rusty on fighting" -Cube (Cube then proceeds to go "let me deal with this" upon Lycanthropy appearing)"

"IM SORRY BUT LIKE. THE FIGHT WITH LYCANTHROPY IS SO UNDERWHELMING.,😭"

"Cube thats your fucking best friend why aren't you at least a SMIDGEN upset about having to leave him behind. sealed. no food or water. like please show SOME emotion😔😔/lh" Cube saying that "oh uhhhh.... I'm a rather rusty in fighting Iris uhhhhhh....." and then starts showing how surprisingly good he is in combat once he starts battling Lycanthropy. Yea the fight scene wasn't the best, but it does initially showcased Cube's weapons and combat prowess. And also, Cube, Iris, Orange, and Cyan could've just fucking save Lythorus right here instead of sealing him up.... I'm not joking like sometimes these characters can't even think rationally enough to do this...

list of things that, in my personal opinion, are turning TPC into a dumpster fire: (wip, will be updated whenever i get the time + motivation to)

some of these things will be added to probably

general:

Iris used to be so cool. what happened. why is he an asshole now what happened to his swag. WHO TOOK IRIS AND REPLACED HIM WITH THIS DICKHEAD

Pentellow is just a mold and in my honest opinion it feels like shes just the """token woman""" of the group????

"Rotocopter"

THE FUCKING SCRAPPED SCENES. LIKE WE COULD'VE HAD A FIGHT WITH CUBIC IN EPISODE 3???? WE COULD'VE HAD A WHOLE JAILBREAK IN EPISODE 6????? im so salty /lhj

George. 😰

episode-wise:

S1E1

in episode one how the fuck did Cyan not know about Dub until Heli. H-E-L-I came screaming outside. and also why did he have to have the corruption explained to him tf-

?#((_($(_($ HOW DID HE FORGET TO SEAL THE BOTTOM???? HUH????? bro i think thats common sense LIKE I GET IT ON CYAN'S PART HE WAS BORN YESTERDAY but Cube cmon man /lh

S1E2

not necessarily a thing that contributes to the dumpster fire BUT of all things for Cube to get infected by. a????? FISH?????? man wth

why is Iris staring at that photo of him and Orange like that. why are you SAD????? hes alive tf r u doing. is this why Pentellow had Tsavorite AND Orange. did she take the kids. do u miss the kids Iris. /hevj

honestly i cba to remember anything else from this ep💔💔💔

S1E3

doesn't rlly contribute to all of this but i get REALLY bad second hand embarrassment from the guitar scene im sorry /vlh

how did Cube survive a drop from being flung that high wth ([turns to episode 6 with concrete.sfx] oh ok then

i cant remember anything else here

S1E4

it was either this or e3 that Pentellow said "hes strong enough to take down most corrupts" about Pyrare like??? PYRARE WHY DONT YOU DO THAT THEN. WHY DONT U USE UR POWER THEN. HUH. ok but to be fair hes like a pacifist or something idfk. but honestly unleashing Pyrare alongside the Heroes would probably have the same result as unleashing Tsavorite and Circumsphere as a duo to Dub (the corruption would be gone a lot faster) /j

every time i look at Purpex i get severe flashbacks to the fucking spontaneous musical number ☹️

"im a little rusty on fighting" -Cube (Cube then proceeds to go "let me deal with this" upon Lycanthropy appearing)

IM SORRY BUT LIKE. THE FIGHT WITH LYCANTHROPY IS SO UNDERWHELMING.,😭

Cube thats your fucking best friend why aren't you at least a SMIDGEN upset about having to leave him behind. sealed. no food or water. like please show SOME emotion😔😔/lh

to be continued

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman groupchat

Warnings: suggestive! the word dick is here a lot, swearing

Desc: some people don't like that kazutora and hanma r friends

Kazutora: your balls r kinda small

Kazutora: nvm it's the angle

Kazutora: these pics r goofy as hell💀

Kazutora: but they're good ig, now stop spamming me with dick picks

Mitsuya: ....??

Mikey: hello??????

Baji: 🤨

Chifuyu: 😐

Draken: uhhhh

Kazutora: LMAO

Kazutora: wrong chat

Mikey: who was that suppose to be sent to??

Kazutora: uhm

Kazutora: y'all don't like him, and i don't wanna start a fight so i won't say anything

Chifuyu: i'll break up with you

Baji: yeah

Kazutora: HUH

Kazutora: WHY?

Chifuyu: because some dude is sending you dick pics???? wtf Tora

Baji: yeah wtf Tora

Baji: it's basically cheating

Baji: this hurts more than that time you stabbed me

Kazutora: ok fine, don't be mad tho😐

Mitsuya: don't you guys have a separate groupchat for relationship stuff? this doesn't seem like it has anything to do with us

Baji: stfu Mitsuya

Mikey: i'd like if we got back to the point ☺

Baji: it's none of your business shrimpy

Mikey: then leave the groupchat😐

Mikey: and i'm not fucking shrimpy

Mikey: if someone calls me shrimpy one more time, i'll nuclear kick you into orbit

Draken: but

Mitsuya: you're are kinda shrimpy

Baji: lol

Baji: Kazutora

Kazutora: what?

Chifuyu: i'm losing patience

Kazutora: it's Shuji

Chifuyu: 😀

Baji: who's Shuji??

Mikey: Kazutora istg

Kazutora: dude chill

Draken: HANMA????

Mitsuya: wtf why is Hanma sending you dick pics

Kazutora: we're friends

Draken: not an explanation?

Draken: i'm friends with all of you but i wouldn't do that??? i dont think anyone would do that??

Kazutora: well it should be a thing

Baji: BRO FUCKING HANMA??

Baji: THAT CREEP??

Kazutora: yeah

Chifuyu: the one who helped plot Baji-sans murder 🙂

Kazutora: we all make mistakes

Kazutora: i was the one who attempted the actual murder but look

Kazutora: you all love and accept me for my mistakes and flaws haha

Kazutora: right?

Draken: he-

Draken: he's tried to kill me several times?

Draken: he tried to kill Emma??

Kazutora: he's just goofy bro

Smiley: i'm late but i really fucking hate that guy

Smiley: just something about the way he looks

Smiley: it doesn't sit right with me

Kazutora: Smiley, you have naturally orange hair😐

Smiley: what about it

Smiley: at least i'm not evil

Smiley: wait nvm

Smiley: i'll have to sit this one out

Mitsuya: Kazutora, cut ties with that dude, seriously

Kazutora: but guys, he's so funny

Kazutora: we're besties

Kazutora: he likes leopard print 🙁

Kazutora: you guys are being so toxic rn

Kazutora: why r u being so insecure, we're just friends

Baji: bro

Baji: HE'S SENDING YOU PICTURES OF HIS DICK?

Draken: if my boyfriend was receiving pictures of a dick that wasn't mine, i'd be pissed too

Draken: do you genuinly not see the problem with this

Kazutora: why did u say boyfriend Draken? are you gay?

Kazutora: what if i tell Emma about this? huh? what then?

Kazutora: was she right this entire time? worrying about Mikey? wow

Mikey: what are you talking about rn?💀

Draken: why are you trying to change the subject

Draken: and for your information, Emma knows i'm bi, so is she

Draken: we ACTUALLY communicate

Mikey: Emma's gay??

Draken: guess it runs in the family🙂

Mikey: 😐

Kazutora: ughhhhh

Kazutora: fine i'll tell him to stop sending me nudes ig

Kazutora: you guys are so boring🙄

Baji: maybe stop being friends with him completely?

Kazutora: 😒

Kazutora: fine (lying)

[brianwashere]

Hi so basically this was a short story I wrote for class right so that’s why it sounds like it is. If you guys want the expanded version just tell me. Sorry that the paragraphs are chunkier ://

I’m really playin with fire here, they got tumblr, man

Uhhhh I just thought some people would like ghoul boys content. It’s also told from Shane’s pov

Also read this as a crack fic bcc it def turned into one

⚠️THIS IS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP IT WILL NOT BE READ WITH ANY ROMANCE BCC SHIPPING REAL PEOPLE IS DISGUSTING IF I SEE ANY OF THEM SHIPPERS INTERACTING I WILL BE BLOCKING. IF SHANE OR RYAN SAY THEY ARE UNCOMFY WITH ANY FANFICTION OF THEM I WILL TAKE THIS DOWN⚠️

**i do not own any of the watcher or buzzfeed unsolved rights or anything like that**

Characters involved: Shane, Ryan, Crowley

Genre: short story(?) there’s a happy ending dw

Summary: Ryan discovers Shane is a demon then they like…go to court and stuff

Tw: mention of death, courtroom thing, Shane goes through some stuff, small fight scene

A Demon’s Tale

Look, I don't care what you believe in, but as far as I’m concerned that Dante fellow got it pretty accurate. It all started with me going undercover as a human in 100 B.C.--to tempt humanity and do other demon-y things. 

 For twenty years I worked diligently being a good–well, nasty–little demon. Then I got bored and traveled the world, easy when you can just teleport. Met that Jesus guy, a nice dude, and a good message he had going.

Fast forward 2000 years and there I was working as a ghost hunter with my best friend at Watcher. Our technical titles are “Paranormal Investigators”, but I digress. We basically just go to “haunted” locations and try to find evidence of the supernatural.  

 So that’s how I ended up standing in a “haunted” field in Ohio, halfway through Fall. Ryan, he’s my best friend, was talking to the camera explaining why this field was haunted. 

 “Think we’ll see a demon here?” I teased him. 

 “Shane, as much as I’d love to see you proven wrong, I really hope not.” Ryan nervously joked back. 

 I was the shows skeptic, wholeheartedly denying that the supernatural was real. Ryan, however, believed all that bologna. We kept walking further into the field until I noticed an off feeling in my throat, like trying to swallow a spoonful of honey. 

 My eyes scanned the brush line. Despite it being pitch black my demon eyes could see perfectly. That’s when I spotted it, there were two glowing red eyes staring at us from across the field. That wasn’t good. Apparently, some hobgoblin (a low-level demon) owned this field and did not take kindly to trespassers. 

 I glanced at Ryan, who was none the wiser. The hobgoblin would probably want him more than me; it was already eyeing him specifically. I needed to divert its attention toward me. Shaking my head, I sighed. 

 “Hey, you pathetic hobgoblin! If you want me off your field, you’re gonna have to kill me!” With confidence, I yelled in its direction. 

 “Shane! What are you doing? Stop!” Ryan whisper yelled. 

 Its beady red eyes snapped at me and with a snarl, it launched itself at me. I stumbled back in surprise but caught it by the shoulders and threw it backward. 

 "̶̱̼̥̯͍̫̑͊̈́̓̑̍̆͌̄͜͝Ḏ̷͖̈̀̎ĩ̷̤̞̱̲̣̖̻̇̍̈́̑̆͑̚̕͜��͓̺s̷̢͓͎͇̱̰̎̀̍̅͆͒͗́̊͆͝͝c̵͉̟͛͑̾͒̒̉̑̾̌̿͜e̷̯̬̻̲͉̣̓̿́̽̕͠ḑ̸̢͉͕͎͓͈̱͔̮̪͂͊͂͊̍̿̑̊͗̀ę̵̫̝̯̝̞̼̮͖̮́́̆̎̈́̍͂̾͌̽̓͝!̶̘͔̰̫̣̓̓̏̔̾͑͠"̸̪̲͚͙̖͚̞̝̤̖̜̙̀͂͒̈́̇̑͌͌̕͘͝͠   It screeched at me. 

 Now, it's been a while since I've had to speak Beelzebabble, but you don’t always need to speak someone’s language to understand what they’re saying.

In this hobgoblin’s case, it was saying something along the lines of ‘Leave!’ but hey, that’s just speculation. I flashed my teeth, which had grown sharp; albeit an... outdated display of dominance but it seemed like an old-fashioned guy. 

 The hobgoblin seemed to understand that it would lose against me no matter what. He scampered off. I turned back to Ryan who looked like he’d just seen a ghost (funny because it was a demon). The silence was deafening, I awkwardly put my hands in my pockets and rocked back and forth on my feet, clearing my throat. 

 “So... crazy wind, right?” It was a pathetic attempt to brush off any ideas of the paranormal. 

 Ryan was a deer caught in headlights. His eyes blown wide and his mouth gaping. 

 “Shane--are... are you a demon?” He managed to stutter out. 

 I pursed my lips. He was never supposed to know. No one was ever supposed to know.

Breaking my cover to a human was one thing, but genuinely befriending one was unheard of. If Downstairs ever found out about this, they’d demote me back to Imp. No more sunshine and bright Earth to live on, just blood-red skies and 10 layers of pure agony. If that little hobgoblin snitched, I could be in deep. 

 “Hehe... surprise...?” I nervously laughed. 

 Emotions were one of those things I still can’t figure out, like the appeal of acupuncture or spicy food. I nervously wrung my hands as shock, distrust, and worst of all, fear washed over Ryan’s face. The shorter man took an uncertain step back. 

 “Who are you?” His voice was filled with fear but masked by hate. 

 “Ryan, hey it's still me, still your good ol’ pal, Shane Madej. Nothing’s changed.” I took half a step towards him.  

 It felt like I was trying to corral a stray dog.  

 “Stay back!” His voice wavered. 

 I glanced around nervously; at any moment a hoard of demons could appear to drag me back Downstairs and kill Ryan. 

 “Ryan, look, we can talk about this later but right now we need to go. Now. Before they come back with more.” I kept my voice as calm as I could. 

 Ryan also glanced around, picking up on my anxiety. 

 “Who?” He questioned when I didn’t elaborate. 

 “No one you wanna meet. Come on!” I insisted and began walking back to the car. 

 “No..." Ryan mumbled. 

 “No?” I mimicked, looking back at him. 

 “No!” He repeated, stamping his foot once. “No more secrets! Especially not ones that pertain to our job!” 

 “Ryan! Now is not the time!” I hissed. 

 “Shane--” He was cut off by a loud rumbling and shaking of the ground, suddenly chains wrapped around Ryan.  

 Two demons appeared clutching his arms, and they were gone as soon as they arrived. I whipped my head around in time to see another larger demon grab me and teleport me to Downstairs’ Courtroom. Literally. There was already a jury of demons there waiting.  

 “Your Dishonor, the defendant one, Shane Madej,” The ‘lawyer’ paused as the courtroom around me giggled or snorted, except for Ryan who couldn’t find the amusement in my name. “Was clearly violating several of the ‘Inferior Ideologies’ he pledged in 0 B.C.” 

 I kept my eyes on my claws as my leg bounced. The turkey-necked Judge raised a brow and turned to me. 

 “Shane Madej, how do you plead?” He asked.  

 It was more a formality than anything else; if you go to court in Hell then you’re doomed from the start. We got the whole ‘guilty until proven innocent’ thing going, and the defendant isn’t allowed a lawyer. Try that for unconstitutional.  

 “Uh, Guilty?” I responded meekly, raising my eyebrows and shrugging my shoulders. 

 “Well, I say that about seals it. Shane Madej, you will be burned in the bath of holy water and--” The judge was cut off by the doors to the courtroom slamming open and an out-of-breath-looking demon speed-walking to the center of the courtroom. 

 My head snapped up to look at who interrupted my trial. 

 “Your Dishonor, if I may,” His British voice rang out. “My client, Mr. Madej, was simply doing his job. As a hellion and instigator of evil-doing, breaking or ignoring rules and laws is his duty.”

He had round dark shades that covered his eyes with flame-red hair spiked forward and he smelled like old leather.  

 I raised an eyebrow.

Who was this guy?

The Judge’s eyes darkened. 

 “Crowley.” He spat scornfully. “You seriously expect us to drop all charges on this man because you think he was ‘doing his job’.”  

 Wow, this guy was the real deal if the Judge had heard of him. 

 “No, Sir. He may not get away without punishment, but I propose a punishment rarely used, discarded by time. So old and ridiculous that even you have forgotten it.” The red-haired demon tempted.  

 The Jury was on the edge of their seats. This Crowley guy really knew how to entertain. 

Z “I propose that Shane Madej and his friend, Ryan Bergara, be set free in exchange for Shane’s demon curse.” The Jury gasped and some lady in the front fainted. 

 “He can do that?” Ryan exclaimed. 

 The Judge’s eyes twinkled, and a sly grin spread across his face. 

 “It is acceptable…if Mr. Madej agrees, that is.” He challenged. 

 Everyone in the courtroom turned to me expectantly. My throat suddenly went dry; I gulped.  

 This can’t seriously be allowed, right? There’s no way. 

 Crowley gave me a pleading look. My eyes scanned the courtroom. Ryan stared at me, still chained to the chair. I furrowed my brow. 

 “I-...I accept.” I exhaled deeply.  

 “Then that does it! Shane Madej by the power vested in me by the Devil himself, I strip you of your demon curse and revoke all contact with the Devil and all of his underlings” The Judge exclaimed, sounding too enthusiastic for the punishment he condemned me to. 

 Suddenly my vision blurred. The world around me started spinning and I felt nauseous for the first time in my life. I stumbled out of the stand, collapsing to my hands and knees.  

 “Shane!” I distantly heard Ryan yell. 

 The room dimmed as I heard ‘ooohs’ and laughter. I gasped for air, something I'd never had to do before. The air was hot and jagged like burning serrated metal slicing my lungs.

I think I screamed but frankly, I can’t remember all that much from those seconds? Minutes? Hours? It all swirls together like a whirlpool of incoherent words and images. 

 I looked around the room, it was so dark I wondered if my eyes were closed. As they adjusted to the lack of light, I spotted Ryan. He looked ready to scream at any moment. I stood up, steadying myself on the stand. The Jury looked horrified. Crowley looked regretful. I rubbed my head and cleared my throat. 

 “Ready to go, Ryan?” I flashed a half-hearted smile. 

 He looked concerned but nodded all the same. Somehow in the process of me turning human he had been unchained. We turned to look at Crowley. 

 “Gentlemen, allow me to escort you out.” He announced. 

 Hurriedly, he placed a hand on Ryan and I’s shoulders and immediately we were by the van we drove here in. The morning sun was just beginning to rise over the tree line. I stumbled a bit, adjusting to my newfound humanity while Ryan looked queasy and held his stomach.  

 “Never...again.” He wheezed out. 

 “Crowley, how can I ever repay you?” I asked sincerely. 

 “Stay out of paranormal business the lot of ya’.” He answered quickly. 

 “Well, Ryan. Looks like we need to find ourselves a new job.” I said teasingly.  

 He just groaned and made his way to the passenger seat of the car. 

 “Seriously, man. I can’t thank you enough for getting me out of that pickle. Even if I'm less...me now.” I sighed. 

 “Shane, being a demon isn’t what makes you you. My best friend told me that, you’d be wise to listen to the advice.” Crowley responded. 

 I just nodded.  

 “Well, by now Crowley. See you later.” I waved as I got into the driver's seat of the van. 

 “If all goes well, hopefully, you won’t!” He called. 

 I grinned at his witty comment and turned the key, starting the ignition. Ryan was already asleep and snoring lightly. The dirt path shook the car; rocks and sticks let out various noises of complaint as the tires rolled over them. 

I pondered a while about the day’s events. Maybe being human was worse than being a demon, they do so many cruel things after all. I let out an amused huff as a thought crossed my mind. 

To think a Man's enemies are demons, but not human beings like himself is foolish.